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AITA for replying to a rude customer in the language they were speaking in front of me?	i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita?	28,946	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exk08u/aita_for_replying_to_a_rude_customer_in_the/	2020-02-02 05:59:58	nta - to the power of infinity. who says this? "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" fast food is rough. to survive i recommend looking at it as live theatre. he probably is going home to 101 dalmatian puppies that he is going to turn into a jacket.	nta you were simply making sure he understood the questions you were asking, since he started speaking dutch and didn’t give you an answer. you should never use another language to trash talk someone. he got caught and was upset at it. not your problem and good on you for courteously (and hilariously) checking him.	nta the guy was being a prick and you called him out in the most polite way possible. there’s no need to give crap to service employees who are trying to help. he also isn’t as special as he thinks for speaking a foreign language. great job.	nta good story for r/ispeakthelanguage i don't get why he would even say that if he hadn't told you his size/roast.	[removed]	this is not an aita post. for that you deserve a yta, but not for the scenario, just because this is not an ambiguous situation and there's no way a reasonable person would consider this to be an asshole behavior.	nta at all. it would be one thing if you responded rudely back since in customer service that isn't great but you just let them know subtle you understood them.	nta, if he can talk crap about you in another language why would it be offensive for you to say something back in dutch that wasn't even rude?	[removed]	i have to ask what city this in, because i know two dutch guys who constantly use dutch to trash talk customer service. they've gotta be the same guys, right?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	YTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0.057131	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm a slave to the siren (a starbucks barista). i'm pretty decent with most customers and i'm pretty good at having convos with customers and sensing when someone just wants the line moved forward. anyway, i was on register the other day, taking people's orders. two older men were ordering from me. one of them said "a coffee, black", so i just asked to clarify the size he wanted and the roast (blonde, medium or dark) to which he first spoke to his friend and said, rudely "nou zeg, niet de slimste meid die hier werkt, hè? ze zouden en beetje kunnen leeren om hun hersenen te gebruiken" which is dutch and translates roughly to "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" then he told me he wanted a medium dark roast. so i nodded and then replied to him in dutch, asking him the regular questions i would to complete an order (anything else to eat or drink today?, what was your name for your other drinks? do you have a starbucks rewards card?). i was perfectly pleasant and smiley for the rest of the transaction but just conducted it in dutch. he answered the questions in english but his eyes were bulging out of his head. his friend looked kind of worried but burst out laughing when they walked away. i realize it might not be the best look for someone in service, and when my coworker asked me what it was about and i explained, she seemed kinda confused as to why i would do that. i don't think it was an asshole move because i was still nice to the guy but i definitely called him out and made it clear to him that i'd understood the stuff he was saying. but maybe i shouldn't have because of the position i was in at the time (like customer service?) aita? [/INST] nta - to the power of infinity. who says this? "wow, (this is) not the smartest gal that works here, huh? they could learn to use their brains a little" fast food is rough. to survive i recommend looking at it as live theatre. he probably is going home to 101 dalmatian puppies that he is going to turn into a jacket. </s>
AITA for throwing out my mom after she threw out my weed?	throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.	31,402	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hm9j4o/aita_for_throwing_out_my_mom_after_she_threw_out/	2020-07-06 15:18:25	nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it.	nta- your house, your rules. if she can’t follow the rules, she gotta go! good for you for setting boundaries.	nta. that's medical, no different than the pills people have to take everyday and is often the less addictive alternative to harsh medication. sounds like she doesn't take your medical health seriously and has zero respect for you as an adult in your own house who lent her a hand in trying times.	nta some parents truly don't understand that they can't dictate their adult children's lives and it's hard. your family will probably treat you like you're the ah but just know that you're not	nta. as a medical cannabis patient myself, i would be equally as mad if my own mother had thrown out my medicine. that’s the biggest part i think people don’t get really, that for a medical patient it’s medicine. if a chronic pain patient was on opioids every day simply to be able to get up and move you wouldn’t flush their pills down the toilet and call them a junkie. cannabis isn’t even capable of causing physical dependence, and the worst withdrawal symptoms are all psychological. you used your own hard earned money to pay for your medicine and she came in and threw it out because of a social stigma she learned when she was a kid. i’ll be so glad when all the boomers give up the whole “reefer madness” bullshit. i live in a legal state and i still deal with people treating cannabis like hard drug that only ne’er do well’s use. shit has me blew.	nta, throw her doctor prescribed medications down the toilet and tell her that’s exactly what she did to you 😂	nta, you warned her about it and she still moved in. i think she is a manipulator becuase of how she went about doing what she did.	nta it's no different if she tossed your prescription down the toilet just because it's " it's not needed" or she thinks your addicted. she may be your mother but it doesn't make her a medical professional.	even if it wasn’t medical or legal, it’s your house. you are not a child and it is not her home to make rules in. nta. just wait until she tries to lay down some law at your brother’s house and you’ll see if you’re still the asshole with him.	nta. it doesn’t matter that it was weed - she damaged your belongings. hope your brother hides his fun stuff before your mom gets to his place.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway in case someone i know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. so i am a 30 year old man. i'm single and live alone in a house that i own. a few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. so i decided to let her stay with me. i have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. i knew my mom disliked weed so i warned her before she moved in that i would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. she agreed, and only asked that i smoke outside. which i thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. at first this worked out fine at first. but she started making remarks about how i should quit, ect. i mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. then it evolved to her demanding that i quit. as if i were still a child she could issue orders to. i refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. she started crying and saying that i don't love her, i have a problem, ect. the next day, i come home from work to find her waiting for me. she explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. and then demanded that i go to treatment. well, predictably, i was furious. and not even really about not having the weed anymore. it is pretty cheap (i usually buy ounces for $125) and i can easily get more. it was about her total lack of respect for me. i'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana. so someone i'm doing a huge favor for demanding that i stop and throwing out my stuff when i refused is extremely outrageous to me. no matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. so i told her she can't live with me anymore. i gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away. she obviously thinks i'm a huge asshole. so does my brother. but i think that's mostly because she is his problem now. [/INST] nta. it wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. it sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. good job setting the boundary and enforcing it. </s>
AITA? I reported my car missing after my husband took it to attend his brother's wedding.	my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.	23,199	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4no1d/aita_i_reported_my_car_missing_after_my_husband/	2022-06-04 12:16:16	nta but i get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here. your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother's wedding? even though he needed it to commute? is your husband prone to making bad decisions? and he paid for his brother's wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it? i'm sorry, but what kind of marriage is this?	so… happily married i take it?	[removed]	esh. your car is completely off limits? he took the car for 5 days anyways? so you called the fucking cops on him? you both suck. you might be married but you don't sound like life partners.	nta. lady, you need to file for divorce immediately. this relationship is toxic and your husband is a massive idiotic asshole.	why are you married to him?	esh. i... i don't even know where to begin. what in the jerry springer dysfunctional relationship is going on with you two? your husband is the ah for his entitled attitude and his refusal to take responsibility. you're the ah for deciding to escalate this well beyond what was necessary, for intentionally lying by omission to police to make it worse, and for somehow not understanding why that was 100% wrong. you both have a lot of growing up to do.	i can’t see your marriage lasting much longer	info: wtf?	why are you married to him? i'd take this time to find a divorce lawyer	NTA	null	null	ESH	NTA	null	ESH	null	INFO	null	0.434069	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband (35) does not have a car. he sold his old one to help pay for his brother's wedding. i did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it's a shared property. besides that i have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. he tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but i stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is). his brother lives out of town. my husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but i refused but not because i'm not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like i said my car is off limits. he threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. i said it wasn't my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it. the day that he was supposed to travel out of town. i woke at 10am and couldn't find my car key. i went outside and couldn't find my car either. i was beyond pissed. i called him and like i expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town. i lost it and told him i gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won't turn around with it and come home then i'd call the cops and report it missing. his response was "you wouldn't dare do it cause you know what would happen" i hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. i did not tell them my husband took it because they'd think it's a family dispute and decide to not get involved. i just reported it missing. 2 hours later i got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. i went to the station and talked to the cops. my husband made a scene there swearing over and over that i gave him permission to take it and said i was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that i was not invited to. i took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer. he came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how i created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother's wedding. he called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car. he had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn't gotten back yet. right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful. [/INST] nta but i get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here. your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother's wedding? even though he needed it to commute? is your husband prone to making bad decisions? and he paid for his brother's wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it? i'm sorry, but what kind of marriage is this? </s>
AITA for not punishing my stepson for what he said to my daughter?	throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account. i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure. my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me. i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again. i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita?	12,791	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9zy04/aita_for_not_punishing_my_stepson_for_what_he/	2020-12-09 20:29:23	yta. you did pick your new family over her. and then repeatedly leave her needs and emotions out if the equation.	yep. yta. how do you not see this? do you prefer step son because he's a boy? it sounds like you are picking him first again and again. you even rejected 50% custody of your own kid. how is this a mystery to you?	yo, yta for sure man. you won't even stand up for your daughter when she is being bullied. kid was right, you are choosing him over your daughter and i don't blame her. may her mom and god make sure she doesn't develop daddy issues.	yta. a major yta. and here’s why. instead of wanting to get your daughter and stepson used to the idea of being around each other, you thought of yourself first and pushed her aside for weekend visits only. then, you allow your stepson’s daddy issues to let him basically say or do whatever he wanted even if it was at the expense of your daughter’s feelings. you did sweep it under the rug, many times, by not punishing him. his past is an unfortunate one but instead of reassuring them both that you’ll still be the best father figure to them no matter what, you decided to choose your stepson over your own daughter time and time again. there’s a reason his ridiculous behaviour has gotten to this extent - you enabled him. eta thank you kind strangers for the awards! but seriously, after reading your comments underneath, op should consider putting both kids into therapy after this.	yta, this cannot be real. you chose him over her the second you denied the 50/50 custody. you’re 16 year old stepson bullies and is incredibly cruel to your daughter which you allow. you don’t deserve her, she deserves far better than you. great way to show your kid who your favourite is.	>my daughter needs to get over it and visit again why should she come to your house to endure verbal abuse while you stand there with your thumb up your ass? yta, you're proving yourself worthless as her father.	so let me get this straight. at 7/8 her world was ripped apart by your divorce then quick remarriage and instead of doing what you could to make it easier for her you basically said “sorry sweetie, daddy has a new family now. you can still see me 4 days a month though!” your stepson is rude/mean to her and faces no consequences so of course he’s going to continue to do it and shes just supposed to suck it up? you absolutely do brush it under the rug and you have picked him over her at every given opportunity. doesn’t sound like you’ve ever once stood up for her. your ex and brother are absolutely right. you failed your daughter repeatedly you don’t get to act like the victim now that she’s not giving you the opportunity to fail her anymore. yta	yta and a horrible father , you can still see your child during the pandemic , jesus	yta. >i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so you've been an asshole for a while. you have treated your daughter like she's a burden in your new family. you let your stepson bully her and then turn around and pamper him for it because of his 'insecurity'. you have allowed your new family to ostracize your daughter and now you think she's being sensitive and overreacting when she protects herself where you won't. i feel so badly for your daughter. just for info, i was a daughter whose dad chose his new family. that began a decades-long estrangement. when he tried to summon me to his deathbed so he could apologize, i declined. there was nothing left to salvage.	yta 100% i can’t believe a parent would let their child be spoken to like that and not stand up for them she’s better off not coming round to see you anymore, you think your stepson is insecure? think how your own daughter probably feels the fact he came home cheerfully telling you what happened speaks volumes, he knows exactly where he’s got you, your poor daughter	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account. i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure. my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me. i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again. i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throw away account, i’m not usually on this subreddit, but i don’t want this connected to my main account. i (45m) and my ex split eight years ago. i met my current wife during our divorce and married her pretty quickly after it was finalized. i now live with my wife (41f) and stepson (16m) and while my ex offered 50/50 custody of our daughter (15f), i felt it better she stay with her mother so i could adjust to life with my new wife and stepson. so she came every other weekend before the pandemic. she’s been with her mom since march. here‘s where the issue comes it. my stepson feels threatened by my daughter when she’s here. i’m the only father figure he’s ever had and he doesn’t like sharing my attention, so he’s often quite rude/mean to her. we normally just assure her it’s because he’s insecure. my stepson came home yesterday cheerfully saying that my daughter said shed never come here again. i called my daughter to ask why she’d say that. according to her, my stepson has been saying since school resumed that i picked him over her and that i hated her coming to visit and how everyone was so happy these months she didn’t visit. no one wanted her there and she needed to just stay away from us. he denied it of course, but my daughter’s friend filmed him at some point (got to love the age of smartphones) and sent it to me. when confronted, he got watery eyed and said he was just afraid of losing me. i told my daughter that i obviously didn’t feel that way and he just felt threatened by her presence. she asked if i was going to actually do something about his behavior this time or if i was just going to brush it under the rug like i always did. i told her i didn’t brush anything under the rug, but i wasn’t going to punish him for being insecure about losing his father figure. she told me she was tired of his daddy issues being an excuse to treat her like shit and since i wouldn’t stand up for her, she wouldn’t be visiting again. i tried to talk to my ex about it, but she said i picked him over her repeatedly and never stood up for her when he treated her poorly so i don’t get to play the victim now that she’s fed up with it. i think they’re both being over sensitive here, and my daughter needs to get over it and visit again, but my brother said i let my stepson boost my ego and failed my daughter by not standing up for her. my nephew suggested i post here. aita? [/INST] yta. you did pick your new family over her. and then repeatedly leave her needs and emotions out if the equation. </s>
AITA for telling my mom we haven’t had a good relationship in a long time and I wanted to go live with my dad?	i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?	23,971	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l26p6d/aita_for_telling_my_mom_we_havent_had_a_good/	2021-01-21 20:14:39	nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad.	nta go to your dad's house. i'm so sorry this is going on	nta. you have been punished for her inability to stand up to her husband for far too long. i hope that life with your dad is amazing and he treats you how you deserve to be treated. she let him force her to stop treating you as family. you owe them nothing. at all.	nta, but you are a badass. props to you for telling gary like it is, and i hope you get the love and treatment you deserve at your dads.	you are nta, gary's son is 19, he needs to be working or going to school for something. gary though, is the asshole, fuck him.	nta. if they want to exclude you, belittle you, and force you to make unfair adjustments in order to cater to the whims of their other child, and not use your child support to help raise you, they can damn sure take the consequences of those actions.	[removed]	nta. your mother's first obligation is you. not her husband, not her husband's son or family. you. she has failed in that, and your living situation is not tolerable. an adult would struggle to thrive in that environment, let alone a teenager. go to your father's and don't worry about your mother. she made her choice.	nta they treat you like trash and now they're upset they can't get money from you anymore.	nta, situations like these happen all the time and it really sucks to see your own parent favor their spouse and spouses wishes over you. go live with your dad and obtain that freedom to do what you want for once.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (16f) used to have a good relationship with my mother. that has since crashed and burned since she dated and married my stepdad “gary” six years ago. gary treats his son “ian” (19m) like he’s the center of the universe and expects my mother to as well, so she does. anything ian wants, ian gets and that usually comes at the expense of me. ian wanted my room when they moved it? i was forced to go to another room to “make the transition easier for everyone.” ian wanted a car for his 16th birthday? i didn’t get braces for another year. ian wanted to go on an expensive trip for spring break? i had to give up volleyball to make it happen. ian wanted to have his side of the family over? i was expected to find somewhere else to be, since i wasn’t family. my mother just went along with all of this and acted like it shouldn’t affect me at all. my dad was overseas for a long time, and we used to facetime and he was so upset by what he was hearing. he’s home now and he’s offering to have me come live with him. i’m not seeing a reason not to go, and so i told my mom i wanted to go live with my dad. she predictably freaked out and asked why i’d want to do that and said that we had such a good relationship, she didn’t understand how this came so out of the blue. i told her that we haven’t had a good relationship since she blindly decided to follow gary’s lead and give ian anything he wanted, and it always came at my expense. my mom tried to argue so i said, i also wanted to leave because she let them kick me out of my own house because ”i wasn’t family” so i was going to go live with someone who was. my mom started crying and said she wouldn’t let me go, so i told her that my dad was willing to go to court over it and i was old enough to be able to say where i wanted to be. she’s been a crying mess since i told her, and gary is being a jackass about how awful i’m being. here’s where i might be the asshole. he was bitching at me about how terribly i’m treating them and how i’m not thinking about them at all. i asked why should i, he never thought of me when he was taking things from me to give to his kid. i said let’s face facts here, you don’t care about me, what you care about is losing the child support you spend on your son. he sort of went slack jawed and i walked off. my dad said my mom called and threatened to take him to court, so he said he’d see her there. now she’s panicking because she realized he is planning on taking her to court over this. mom and gary of course think i’m the asshole for “making things hard” for everyone, but my dad and grandparents say to leave and never look back. aita for wanting to get away from this situation? [/INST] nta. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said he was worried about losing your child support. i hope your mother has a hon because she is going to have to pay child support to your dad. </s>
AITA for telling my wife our son’s mental health should be more important to her than her sister’s physical health?	last month, my son “will” (17) and my wife’s sister “michelle” (22) got into a car accident and had to be hospitalized. will had some painful but not life-threatening injuries (broken ribs, leg, some bruising) but has been deeply traumatized and distressed, and mostly just guilty because he was driving and michelle was injured far worse. she had major head, spinal and chest injuries, clinically died multiple times and it seemed very unlikely that she would survive for the first two or so weeks after the accident. my wife ever since the accident has been completely focused on michelle and has barely had any time for will. when i told her i think will has ptsd, she spoke to him for an hour and then went back to the hospital and has expected me to handle everything. i don’t mind taking care of the house or our other two kids, but i feel like i’m out of depth with will and genuinely need her help and support there but she’s always at the hospital. i haven’t told her anything yet but now that michelle has finally started to recover and talk clearly and walk, i told my wife that i understand what she’s going through, but she needs to spend time helping will with his mental trauma because it looks like she doesn’t care about it from where i’m standing. she got so upset, she said michelle (who’s about twenty years younger) is like her first child, but i said will is actually her first child and needs her more, while michelle has her own parents to take care of her (plus the title of the post verbatim). she accused me of not sympathizing with her and said she can’t even go one minute without thinking about michelle and how she won’t be able to live independently for months, if not years, but i said that should be her parent’s problem, while will should be hers. she started crying and hasn’t said anything else. i’ve been giving her some space ever since, and i’m starting to feel a little guilty.	4,170	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yg6txl/aita_for_telling_my_wife_our_sons_mental_health/	2022-10-29 01:51:35	yta. what is your wife able to do that you aren’t? you can’t make will therapy appointments and get him the medical care that he needs? your wife has to do this? asking your wife to help you manage will’s issues would be one thing. telling her that she needs to help will with his mental trauma….. she’s his mom, not his therapist. pick up a phone and get him real help and stop pretending to be helpless and clueless. you’re an adult.	personally idk, i just know if my child was “okay” and my sister was hurt so bad that she died many times i would mentally be going through it. yes it’s ur child but, in her head he is alive and well. her sister on the other hand is in a place where it can be her last. i do think she needs to focus on her son. but also why didn’t you just get him a therapist if he has ptsd y’all can’t do much but, support him. he needs actual help from someone who knows what to do. his mom can hold his hand but, that’s just about it. i’m not saying she shouldn’t be there, i’m saying he needs more then just his mother. and you don’t need to wait for her to get him help. i think this is a difficult situation for all three of them. your son feels guilty, your wife probably mentally trying to process the fact she was and have almost lost her sister multiple times and your sil is going through a lot. dying means ur body shut down and that can cause a lot of damage and issues not just physically but, mentally. she’s gonna need a lot of help and support. give her sometime and get ur son a therapist. honestly maybe the wife as well, to be honest.	[removed]	yta, why do you think your wife would be able to help will any better than you? why can't you take him to see a therapist?	yta. it's terrible to make someone choose between a child and a sibling. you def sound like you're not sympathizing with her. why is michelle's health only her parents' problem? and why should it be? maybe your wife is better positioned to take care of her. you should've approached it differently, saying you need help with will, not accusing her of not caring because she's spending time with her sister who is obviously gravely injured. yta.	yta - are you not also the parent? be a grown up and start looking into therapy for your son and take a bit of stress off your wife. you should feel guilty, her sister almost died multiple times.	esh i guess? her sister died multiple times. that's heavy heavy shit man. but now will is needing some care too. what about getting him to a counselor for his ptsd?	yta. i was in a car accident last year and was michelle and will. almost died physically had to relearn multiple things including how to walk and had severe ptsd to the point of even looking at cars causing panic attacks. as hard as that was it didn’t compare to not being able to wipe my own ass or feed myself. find will a therapist. your wife isn’t one and isn’t equipped to deal with that type of trauma.	nah- you’ve all been through something massive traumatic, emotions are fraught and everyone is hurting in one way or another. sounds like your son needs counselling asap, processing this, especially at his age is impossible without specialist help. also sounds like your wife could do with some counselling to help her process how she’s feeling too. her son was driving when the crash happening and while he wasn’t at fault, she probably feels guilt that he hurt her sister. your wife whose sister being so much younger than her, that she sees as a child, got seriously hurt. she needs help to also process her emotions of nearly losing her sister many times, her son driving the car and importantly (as it sounds like she isn’t processing this at the moment) that her son is also hurting and struggling. when both your son and wife have had this counselling, it may be worth having some family counselling so you can all safely express how you’re feeling too? possibly with your sister in law who most likely will need individual counselling too when she is stronger too. no one is to blame, everyone is processing this event differently and it’s a massive thing that’s happened and to take in. sounds like you’re doing a great job being there for your son but don’t forget your wife is also hurting and needs you to be there for her too. do you have a separate support network that you can lean on (your side of family, close friends etc?) as it sounds like you need to decompress being there for your son and in turn wife who can’t be there as much for your son? if not, i would suggest counselling for you too. this massive event will take time to get over and that’s fine, but it’s imperative that you all take steps to process your own feelings and the feelings of everyone else involved before it tears you all apart. don’t feel bad for feeling guilty, that just shows you love your wife and how big of a situation this is. i hope you all manage to come out of the other side stronger and closer together.	yta - you should be focusing on your son so she can focus on her sister right now	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	NAH	YTA	0.03125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last month, my son “will” (17) and my wife’s sister “michelle” (22) got into a car accident and had to be hospitalized. will had some painful but not life-threatening injuries (broken ribs, leg, some bruising) but has been deeply traumatized and distressed, and mostly just guilty because he was driving and michelle was injured far worse. she had major head, spinal and chest injuries, clinically died multiple times and it seemed very unlikely that she would survive for the first two or so weeks after the accident. my wife ever since the accident has been completely focused on michelle and has barely had any time for will. when i told her i think will has ptsd, she spoke to him for an hour and then went back to the hospital and has expected me to handle everything. i don’t mind taking care of the house or our other two kids, but i feel like i’m out of depth with will and genuinely need her help and support there but she’s always at the hospital. i haven’t told her anything yet but now that michelle has finally started to recover and talk clearly and walk, i told my wife that i understand what she’s going through, but she needs to spend time helping will with his mental trauma because it looks like she doesn’t care about it from where i’m standing. she got so upset, she said michelle (who’s about twenty years younger) is like her first child, but i said will is actually her first child and needs her more, while michelle has her own parents to take care of her (plus the title of the post verbatim). she accused me of not sympathizing with her and said she can’t even go one minute without thinking about michelle and how she won’t be able to live independently for months, if not years, but i said that should be her parent’s problem, while will should be hers. she started crying and hasn’t said anything else. i’ve been giving her some space ever since, and i’m starting to feel a little guilty.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> last month, my son “will” (17) and my wife’s sister “michelle” (22) got into a car accident and had to be hospitalized. will had some painful but not life-threatening injuries (broken ribs, leg, some bruising) but has been deeply traumatized and distressed, and mostly just guilty because he was driving and michelle was injured far worse. she had major head, spinal and chest injuries, clinically died multiple times and it seemed very unlikely that she would survive for the first two or so weeks after the accident. my wife ever since the accident has been completely focused on michelle and has barely had any time for will. when i told her i think will has ptsd, she spoke to him for an hour and then went back to the hospital and has expected me to handle everything. i don’t mind taking care of the house or our other two kids, but i feel like i’m out of depth with will and genuinely need her help and support there but she’s always at the hospital. i haven’t told her anything yet but now that michelle has finally started to recover and talk clearly and walk, i told my wife that i understand what she’s going through, but she needs to spend time helping will with his mental trauma because it looks like she doesn’t care about it from where i’m standing. she got so upset, she said michelle (who’s about twenty years younger) is like her first child, but i said will is actually her first child and needs her more, while michelle has her own parents to take care of her (plus the title of the post verbatim). she accused me of not sympathizing with her and said she can’t even go one minute without thinking about michelle and how she won’t be able to live independently for months, if not years, but i said that should be her parent’s problem, while will should be hers. she started crying and hasn’t said anything else. i’ve been giving her some space ever since, and i’m starting to feel a little guilty. [/INST] yta. what is your wife able to do that you aren’t? you can’t make will therapy appointments and get him the medical care that he needs? your wife has to do this? asking your wife to help you manage will’s issues would be one thing. telling her that she needs to help will with his mental trauma….. she’s his mom, not his therapist. pick up a phone and get him real help and stop pretending to be helpless and clueless. you’re an adult. </s>
AITA? Suing my neighbor after she sprayed weedicide on my lawn	caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills	26,119	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkyfn9/aita_suing_my_neighbor_after_she_sprayed/	2020-05-16 17:22:12	nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her.	nta. my neighbor did this last year and got reported to the hoa because the yard she sprayed (under the cover of darkness, so she knew it was wrong) belongs to a family with very young children. i’m sorry about your rabbits and you need to know that it’s not your fault and you are a good owner.	nta, don't trespass, don't mess with peoples property, if you want to do something "nice" ask permission. idk if removing your toplayer and putting turf down would make it safe for pets again but if so she should pay for that	nta >“was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor spraying substances on other people's property without their permission is not being a "good neighbor" by any stretch of reason. i'm so sorry about your rabbits.	nta. so sorry for your loss! losing a family member should be enough to convince any human with a heart to support you!	omg, nta! i am so sorry for your losses! i would be out for blood.	nta at all. she killed your pets. take her to the cleaners.	nta she should have asked you first and talked to you about it. loosing pets is bad rnough, knowing someone directly caused their death is worse. she also traspassed on your property. by a long shot nta you need to add trespassing and gather all the proof you can. not to mention vet bills are expensive as f. i hope you can sue her.	nta also consider posting this to r/legaladvice they might be able to give you more insight. i’m sorry for your losses. that’s just awful.	nta, her breaking into your lawn was not an accident. even if she could have never anticipated the results, she's still liable for the results of her own bad choices, particularly when they're so harmful. i'm really sorry to hear about your rabbits -- i know it won't make up for anything, but i hope you can get all the damages you're suing for.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> caught my neighbor spraying weedicide on my lawn (in my fenced in backyard) because she said “she was sick of all the weeds” and thought she was doing me a solid. 1. i like dandelions they are good for the bees 2. i have pet rabbits, dogs, cats, and a tortoise i like to roam the yard and all of them eat or at least nibble and lick the grass so it’s literally poisoning my pets. so anyway, i kick her the fuck out and take all my pets inside. now 2 of my rabbits are dead and another is in critical condition. i’ll never be able to let my pets outside again to eat the grass because weedicide takes forever to go away because it can sit in the soil for who knows how long and im worried that the dogs and cats might end up having a reaction too since they also nibble the grass (call me overprotective or over cautious idc i love my animals) so i’m suing her for: damage to my property because it is now unusable for my animals, veterinary bills, and emotional damage due to the deaths of my two rabbits. i’m also trying to get the cops to pursue a case of animal abuse or at minimum criminal damage because she did basically poison my animals but i doubt anything will come from it because i have to prove ill-intent but they are pursuing her for criminal trespass. she’s a karen. i think she deserves it for thinking she had any right to be on my property at all; and especially because it’s killed my pets and now idk what to do about my lawn because i’m not risking another animal’s life by letting them out (at least unsupervised for at least a year. however my parents and my girlfriend think i’m being unnecessarily cruel because it “was an accident and she thought she was just being a good neighbor, and that im making it to be a bigger deal than it is” and should just ask for her to pay my vet bills [/INST] nta. even without all of your reasoning it's illegal for her to do that. period. i'm sorry that it did in fact result in damages. hopefully you will get compensated for it. good luck. you're totally justified in suing her. </s>
AITA for enforcing my house rules on my wife's brother?	my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago. he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed. last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs. aita here?	17,836	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1b011/aita_for_enforcing_my_house_rules_on_my_wifes/	2022-01-11 11:39:48	yta. your wife is right. why on earth should a 20 year old have a curfew and have his eating times policed? also, you made a unilateral decision about your wife’s brother without even consulting your wife? you sound already like an overbearing parent, and this is towards an adult who isn’t your kid. i feel horrible for your wife and kids.	try this parenting tactic: "hey kids, if you're wondering why sean doesn't have to obey the rules that you do, it's because he's an adult and not my child. when you are an adult, you will get to come home later than 8pm too." yta.	yta. giving an adult a curfew of 8:00 is insane, as is trying to dictate when he eats. wearing airpods at the table is rude, but i completely understand why he would want to tune you out so he gets a pass on that. why are you trying to parent a fully grown adult?	yta. you're not his parent. you're not his guardian. he's 20 year old and is not doing anything wrong. get over yourself. stop wanting to control him. would you have the same rules if your parents were coming to stay with you ?	yta to me this sounds like "i don't want her brother here, but i cant say that, so i will just makenup other stuff." you children witness behaviour they aren't allowed to particioate in all day long. do you not drive, because you children cant? do you never ever drink a glass of wine or a beer infront of them because they cant? i get that his use of electronics is a bit rude, but telling an adult guest when to be home, when to eat and so on is controlling.	bro, you insane.	yta. this isn't only your household, but your wifes too. your bil is still grieving and it is not unreasonable for an adult to ask not to have a curfew, or eat when he is hungry. he can make those decisions himself and you are overstepping trying to enforce this. the earbuds while eating i get, but he just seems stressed out. staying out to ten is not unusual for a twenty year old and not at all reckless behaviour - you are treating him like a child. also, your children aren't learning any reckless behaviour. they learn that you are insanely controlling and will continue to do so well into their adulthood. you should reflect on that here. he's an adult and you are on a power trip! do you stick to all those rules yourself? cause i sure hope so.	yta -- an 8pm curfew is insane. it's not that hard to explain to your kids why sean (an adult) can stay up later than children i understand having some sort of boundaries, but as it is some of your rules are unreasonable for an actual adult. i'm sure he'd be more willing to follow the most important rules if you weren't policing his every move	…you give your adult housemate a curfew? that’s beyond absurd.	yta and a control freak. you expect a 20 year old to not be on their phone, eat to your time schedule and be home at 8pm. you’re totally unreasonable, get a grip. jeez.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago. he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed. last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs. aita here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my m30 brother in law m20 "sean" moved in with me and his sister after my father in law passed away few months ago. he is the private type and keeps to himself. he goes out and never say where he's going or how long he'll be out, eats at random times during the day, wears earpuds while me and the kids are sitting with him. see, all of these are uncool behaviors and a bad influence on my children. i've already talked to sean about certain house rules i have and how he was violating them maybe because he didn't but now he knows and still nothing's changed. last night, he came home late at around 10pm. i wasn't thrilled with that because he knew the rules but he said that he was an adult and i shouldn't be policing him but it's not about that, it's about the fact that he's repeatedly disrespected the homeowner and the rules...so i told him this: "if he won't respect the rules which are: being home at 8, not eating at random times, and not using his electronics just like my kids aren't allowed when the family is gathered to spend time together. he ranted about how he wasn't a child, my child and called me unreasonable to treat him this way just because he lives under my roof, i told him it's not hard to show respect really but my wife went off asking what was wrong with me to be giving sean who's still grieving, ultimatums and treating him like a child. i explained to her that i'm just making sure the kids won't be influenced by her brother's reckless behavior and she laughed asking if i think sean being on his phone was reckless but that is besides the point. she called me a control freak and told me to get off her brother's back and leave him alone. i replied that she's just saying this because he's her brother but she said i overstepped and should back off and stop trying to control her adult brother. i asked her if she was happy with him coming home late and she said she was sick of arguing then went upstairs. aita here? [/INST] yta. your wife is right. why on earth should a 20 year old have a curfew and have his eating times policed? also, you made a unilateral decision about your wife’s brother without even consulting your wife? you sound already like an overbearing parent, and this is towards an adult who isn’t your kid. i feel horrible for your wife and kids. </s>
AITA for saying my religion is the Flying Spaghetti Monster?	so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?	7,627	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7lluf/aita_for_saying_my_religion_is_the_flying/	2019-03-31 08:38:30	yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business.	yta. not for saying you're pastafarian but because you insulted other people's religions to their faces. that's rude.	yta something you'll learn more intimately as you get older is that being right (or thinking you're right), doesn't give you the right to 'educate' other people you perceive to be wrong. sometimes respect is more important and you're the asshole until you learn that. people who have different religious or political beliefs than your own come from different backgrounds. you haven't walked in their shoes, you haven't seen the things they've seen. conversations regarding these topics require mutual respect and permission to be engaged in. it is only then that either participant can learn or grow. but you weren't interested in that. you chose to engage with no intention other than to mock your peers. you're an asshole, kid. i hope you take this as a chance to take a deep look at yourself, because you should be embarrassed and ashamed.	yta. >16m what a shock 🙄 god if i could go back in time to punch my edgy teenage self i would. >his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian so you think you're superior to him because you're an atheist? you're a child. you know nothing.	yta. you could have done a presentation on something you actually believe, but instead you took the opportunity to mock other people unprovoked. you can explain your opinion as "calmly" as you want, but if it comes from a place of condescension and assumed-superiority you're still the asshole. ps: that's not how free speech works.	so, let me recap: you're being invited to speak about something you believe strongly in, and you take that opportunity to make a mockery of all your classmates by turning your presentation into a joke, then upon questioning you can only express your ideas in the negative by getting into how much you hate religion? is this a shitpost? you don't even have the guts to speak seriously about the things you believe in when you have an open mic and then you're going to shit on people that presumably do? it doesn't just sound like yta in this situation, it sounds like you are just an asshole generally. it's time to start growing up.	yta. you insulted peoples religion. no one cares that you've just discovered edgy online atheism, keep it to yourself. (also you do have a right to free speech, you can say what you want, but that doesn't mean other people interested have the right to be pissed off with you for it.)	yta "his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh \[...\] , partly because he's a christian", that makes you the asshole. yes, i know it was mostly because of the other reason, but still. and also: "explaining why the religions are dumb and evil" is extremely counter-producent. no one is gonna listen to you if you antagonize them and say "the thing you believe is the most important thing in the universe is evil and dumb". you are never gonna have a functional conversation with anyone speaking like that. trust me - when i was 16 i was exactly like that, and it never worked. instead, speaking about "why i chose to stop believing in god and religion" will net you much better conversations, less confrontation, and its gonna make you a lot less of an asshole. and more pleasant to be around just in general. just imagine someone talking to you "hey - atheism is a flawed vision that only vile people, without morals, deeply corrupted and evil believe in. our jails are full of people just like you, who don't believe in any higher power and then commit murders and crimes. oh, also... would you mind listening to a point i wanna make?" yeah - you woulnd't listen to one word this person said after that. and that is kinda what you are doing, in their eyes. i am an atheist just like you, but remember - that doesn't make us "superior human beings". or "smarter" than deists. tbh you are 16 though - and maturity brings tolerance (usually) if you wanna talk about that subject with someone who, 9 years ago, had a world view exactly like yours (25m), feel free to send me a pm	info. why fsm? you’re a self-proclaimed atheist. why not atheism? agnosticism? separation of church and state?	~~you're not an asshole, you're just an dumbass.~~ actually, after seeing how the comment thread is going, i'm changing my vote. yta. you weren't looking to make coherent or well-reasoned arguments about what all you think is dumb about religion, you literally went into this looking to ridicule people. i get it, religion is dumb, and i, too, hold a variety of opinions on that topic that many people would find offensive. but doing what you did isn't going to win you any brownie points with people, particularly your teacher who's the one assigning your grades, and you knew that going in. you did this just because you were curious to see who you could offend. i say you're not an asshole because it's not like anybody is going to whither and die from the emotional damage of listening to someone with a conflicting viewpoint, no matter how douchy the delivery. it's just kinda cringe, you know? > it's still within my free speech dude, if the best thing that can be said for your comment is that it wasn't technically illegal for you to say it, you may want to re-think what you're even doing.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. could be religion, politics, etc. i (16m) am an atheist and chose pastafarianism, which is the church of the flying spaghetti monster 👾 as my religion. the whole class was laughing except two students who were strict muslim and christian. my teacher asked "are you just doing this as a joke or to prove some point?" so i admitted i was. i then calmly explained why i thought religions such as christianity and islam were dumb, which made the two students look even angrier at me. teacher had a word with me after me class and said don't pull that shit again. i said okay, but it's still within my free speech to say all religion, especially monotheistic ones (islam, judaism and christianity) are evil. my teacher is a christian and he looked a bit pissed so said i need to stay on focus/topic. as it stands, i already get good grades. his class is the one i don't take seriously tbh, mostly because of the nonsense subject matter on the module and partly because he's a christian but i calmly explained my points aita? [/INST] yta - stop trying to be an edgy teenager, what other people believe in is their business. </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend to shut the fuck up after she insulted my sisters thighs?	i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita?	35,955	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fzvxw7/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_shut_the_fuck/	2020-04-12 12:32:56	nta. 12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately.	nta and this is a huge red flag. why would you want to date someone that insulted your little sister like that?	huge nta. body shaming a 12 year old is a low move.	nta well done for standing up for your sister it's talk like that, that no young girl should ever be judged on. i just hope she's now your ex and that you never apologise!	nta. your gf is a real piece of work for talking about a 12 y/o’s thighs. she needs to check herself.	nta- your gf was out of line and being a female, she should know how much those snide comments, no matter how well intentioned affect you forever. you're sister's self confidence is more important than your girlfriend's ego	nta at 12, girls bodies are all over the place. making comments like that is just plain stupid. your girlfriend needs to apologise, and so do all the half-wits that sent you text messages. now you know who your friends are, huh?	nta!! who says that about a 12 year old girl? your girlfriend sounds like an awful and mean spirited person. if her friends are all defending her and coming down on you, then she has shitty friends too. your poor sister. i feel terrible for her. find a girlfriend who will treat your sister as her own and love her just as you do. your girlfriend needs to go.	esh your girlfriend was wrong and rude and you were right to address it immediately and showing your sister support. but jesus christ talk about overreaction. your girlfriend made an unwelcome comment about your sister, possibly thinking it would be between you two. she didn't came to her face to bully her. you're an adult, you should act like one. also wtf with those "wow huuuuge red flag, burn bridges, break up, contact your lawyer" type comments. evrything isn't black or white guys. edit :spelling	feed her less?? who talks like that about anyone? who talks like that about a 12 year old? who says that to their boyfriend about his kid sister? your girlfriend is out of all sorts of lines! do not apologise. could she be telling people a convenient version of the story that makes her sound better? i don’t see how anyone would see you as being the one in the wrong. nta, your girlfriend is definitely ta edited for typos and clarity	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’m 30 and my 12 year old sister is living with me right now because mom and pops are vulnerable so it made more sense for me to care for my sis for the time being. she is a really great kid and tbh i feel in a lot of ways like she’s my own kid because my mom and dad don’t speak english so i kind of had to raise my sis in ways that they couldn’t. hard to explain but i’m sure anyone with a secondary culture will get what i mean- my mom and dad are great parents but having an english speaking person to guide you through shit when you live in an english speaking country is invaluable imo and my sister trusts me with stuff she won’t necessarily trust my parents with. anyway my girlfriend was facetiming me and my sister walked past in shorts and a t shirt cuz it’s hot. my ~~sister~~ gf waited til my sister had left the area ( but not the room) and made a face and said ‘maybe feed her less op, her thighs are kinda chunky’ i saw red and told her to shut the fuck up (just came out my mouth) and immediately ended the call. my sister is a bit chubby but ffs who says stuff like that about a 12 year old girl. literally. everybody. i. know. has been texting me that i’m a pos boyfriend and that how can i disrespect my gf like that. i am expecting an apology from her but to my shock everybody is expecting me to apologize. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. 12 year old girls are incredibly vulnerable to body image issues. you're absolutely right to shut down such comments immediately. </s>
AITA for making an insurance claim against my neighbor for hitting my car even though my car is a beater?	i have an old car that i bought for 2000 dollars when i was 16. i'm 26 now. in the time i've had it, i've learned a lot about car maintenance, i fix it up with junkyard parts and it's pretty cheap to keep running. it's dented and rusty as all hell but it goes and it's cheap. so anyway, my neighbor parks in his driveway and i park on the street. and he's gotten mad at me for parking in the street because he finds it harder to navigate his big truck around my car. i asked him if he wants me to move my car ahead a bit or behind a bit on the street, because i'm happy to, but i have to park somewhere on the street because i don't have a driveway or garage space. he didn't like that, he doesn't want me parking on the street at all. but i'm not about to park on a whole different street then i live at. anyway, this week i was sitting on my fire escape reading a book and i saw my neighbor drive out his driveway right into my car's side. i grabbed my phone and started filming asap. i walked out to the car still filming and got a good video of the damage to the door panel. it was dented and scratched. now my car was already pretty beat; it's got body panels from 3 different cars, dents and dings all over, it's got damage to the convertible soft top that i've fixed up with glue and patches, etc. it's a tough old girl. so the new damage didn't bother me much, i didn't plan on fixing it. but it did bother me that my neighbor hit and run my car. especially because he knew it belonged to me. so after a few days of thinking on it, i decided to file an insurance claim. i sent the company the video which had gotten my neighbors license plate in it. i thought they could find his insurance and settle. the insurance company said that for a hit and run the policy was that i needed to file a police report so i did. i wasn't expecting that much but i got a $1600 dollar payout from my neighbors insurance. i guess they appraised my car based on its estimated value based on model and year and didn't pay attention to the fact that it's an absolute beater with a lot of diy fixes. anyway my neighbor is mad at me and came to my house after three insurance thing had paid out and he was looking to yell at me. but my landlord was there in the hallway doing some repairs and when he came looking for which door was mine, my landlord told him that if he wasn't invited to get the hell off his property. guess he could tell this guy was angry and probably wasn't a good idea to send him up to my room. i feel a little bad that i hid lol. feels cowardly. but it was also cowardly he did a hit and run aita for taking a huge insurance payout on my beater car, because my neighbor hit it?	18,908	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0xbwa/aita_for_making_an_insurance_claim_against_my/	2020-07-31 00:08:04	nta. it doesn’t matter what state your car was in, at best he is an irresponsible driver, at worst he intentionally committed a crime because of an unreasonable vendetta - either way he should face the consequences.	nta. seriously?? he hit your car and then got mad at you? fuck that guy. if he comes back, file a report for harassment. regarding the insurance payout, yes they pay you for the value of the car if the car is "totalled." it's considered totalled when the price to fix it exceeds the value of the car. if the car still drives, you can still drive it, but your car might have a salvage title now which means you may not be able to drive it legally or resell depending on your state. good luck with your new car search!	nta! it's still your dang property that he hit! he also just generally sounds like an ass.	nta. it’s cut and dry. he hit your car, took off and you did the right thing by putting a claim in. he should have been and was held accountable for his actions. the condition of your car doesn’t matter.	[deleted]	nta; if he can’t drive a big truck he either needs to get used to having insurance claims filed against him or get a smaller damn car	nta. something tells me this guy would’ve had a problem with you parking in the street, hit and run your car and come barging on your door ready to yell at you whether you had a $2,000 car or a $20,000 car.	nta. he hit your car and left without even notifying you. you did what was legally right; you didn’t control the outcome or the insurance payout	nta. you did what you’re supposed to do and it was a hit and run. he knew what he was doing. i’d put this on r/pettyrevenge also. just a thought.	nta at allllll! that dude did a hit and run? he deserves it. good on you for making him pay up for his dumbass mistake. he’s lucky if he doesn’t get in trouble with the law for this incident too. ultimately what you decide to do with the money is your business. if that guy shows up at your door again you should call the police and have that reported as well. it sounds like he’s a lunatic and a restraining order might be in... order.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have an old car that i bought for 2000 dollars when i was 16. i'm 26 now. in the time i've had it, i've learned a lot about car maintenance, i fix it up with junkyard parts and it's pretty cheap to keep running. it's dented and rusty as all hell but it goes and it's cheap. so anyway, my neighbor parks in his driveway and i park on the street. and he's gotten mad at me for parking in the street because he finds it harder to navigate his big truck around my car. i asked him if he wants me to move my car ahead a bit or behind a bit on the street, because i'm happy to, but i have to park somewhere on the street because i don't have a driveway or garage space. he didn't like that, he doesn't want me parking on the street at all. but i'm not about to park on a whole different street then i live at. anyway, this week i was sitting on my fire escape reading a book and i saw my neighbor drive out his driveway right into my car's side. i grabbed my phone and started filming asap. i walked out to the car still filming and got a good video of the damage to the door panel. it was dented and scratched. now my car was already pretty beat; it's got body panels from 3 different cars, dents and dings all over, it's got damage to the convertible soft top that i've fixed up with glue and patches, etc. it's a tough old girl. so the new damage didn't bother me much, i didn't plan on fixing it. but it did bother me that my neighbor hit and run my car. especially because he knew it belonged to me. so after a few days of thinking on it, i decided to file an insurance claim. i sent the company the video which had gotten my neighbors license plate in it. i thought they could find his insurance and settle. the insurance company said that for a hit and run the policy was that i needed to file a police report so i did. i wasn't expecting that much but i got a $1600 dollar payout from my neighbors insurance. i guess they appraised my car based on its estimated value based on model and year and didn't pay attention to the fact that it's an absolute beater with a lot of diy fixes. anyway my neighbor is mad at me and came to my house after three insurance thing had paid out and he was looking to yell at me. but my landlord was there in the hallway doing some repairs and when he came looking for which door was mine, my landlord told him that if he wasn't invited to get the hell off his property. guess he could tell this guy was angry and probably wasn't a good idea to send him up to my room. i feel a little bad that i hid lol. feels cowardly. but it was also cowardly he did a hit and run aita for taking a huge insurance payout on my beater car, because my neighbor hit it?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have an old car that i bought for 2000 dollars when i was 16. i'm 26 now. in the time i've had it, i've learned a lot about car maintenance, i fix it up with junkyard parts and it's pretty cheap to keep running. it's dented and rusty as all hell but it goes and it's cheap. so anyway, my neighbor parks in his driveway and i park on the street. and he's gotten mad at me for parking in the street because he finds it harder to navigate his big truck around my car. i asked him if he wants me to move my car ahead a bit or behind a bit on the street, because i'm happy to, but i have to park somewhere on the street because i don't have a driveway or garage space. he didn't like that, he doesn't want me parking on the street at all. but i'm not about to park on a whole different street then i live at. anyway, this week i was sitting on my fire escape reading a book and i saw my neighbor drive out his driveway right into my car's side. i grabbed my phone and started filming asap. i walked out to the car still filming and got a good video of the damage to the door panel. it was dented and scratched. now my car was already pretty beat; it's got body panels from 3 different cars, dents and dings all over, it's got damage to the convertible soft top that i've fixed up with glue and patches, etc. it's a tough old girl. so the new damage didn't bother me much, i didn't plan on fixing it. but it did bother me that my neighbor hit and run my car. especially because he knew it belonged to me. so after a few days of thinking on it, i decided to file an insurance claim. i sent the company the video which had gotten my neighbors license plate in it. i thought they could find his insurance and settle. the insurance company said that for a hit and run the policy was that i needed to file a police report so i did. i wasn't expecting that much but i got a $1600 dollar payout from my neighbors insurance. i guess they appraised my car based on its estimated value based on model and year and didn't pay attention to the fact that it's an absolute beater with a lot of diy fixes. anyway my neighbor is mad at me and came to my house after three insurance thing had paid out and he was looking to yell at me. but my landlord was there in the hallway doing some repairs and when he came looking for which door was mine, my landlord told him that if he wasn't invited to get the hell off his property. guess he could tell this guy was angry and probably wasn't a good idea to send him up to my room. i feel a little bad that i hid lol. feels cowardly. but it was also cowardly he did a hit and run aita for taking a huge insurance payout on my beater car, because my neighbor hit it? [/INST] nta. it doesn’t matter what state your car was in, at best he is an irresponsible driver, at worst he intentionally committed a crime because of an unreasonable vendetta - either way he should face the consequences. </s>
AITA for getting a family thrown out of a restaurant for underage drinking?	throwaway account. we were at a local restaurant last saturday evening. this is a locally owned establishment, not a chain. there was a 30-45 minute wait for tables. there was another family waiting in the wait area, and the "mom" went to the bar and came back with three drinks. a beer for "dad" and a margarita for her and one of the young women. there was another young woman there who looked of college age, and had on a college sorority t-shirt, but no drink was brought for her. but as i watched i noticed that the mom was sharing her margarita with the 4th girl, who i assumed was under 21 as she had no drink of her own. in fact, i'd guess the 4th girl consumed most of the mom's margarita. i mentioned this to my husband and he said so what, forget it. full disclosure that i'm a non drinker myself and certainly don't approve of underage drinking, not to mention that this behavior might put the restaurant at risk. so i mentioned it to the hostess. a short time later a manager (i assume) came and asked to see the girls' id's. the girl with her own drink produced one. the second girl who had been drinking from mom's drink did not. i did not hear the exchange, but the family left thereafter. i assume they were asked to do so. my husband said that it was a crappy thing for me to do. i feel like i was protecting the restaurant. was i the asshole?	20,502	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1nkh3/aita_for_getting_a_family_thrown_out_of_a/	2019-06-17 13:32:55	yta. you weren't "protecting the restaurant." you were being a self-righteous, self-satisfied busybody.	yta - she’s clearly old enough to choose and she’s with her parents. your view of underage drinking is skewed by the law.	yta. mind your own business. how closely are you paying attention to a perfect stranger that you even notice this?	yta. you’re the neighbour that spies on the street from behind the curtain and gives everybody away.	yta. > full disclosure that i'm a non drinker myself and certainly don't approve of underage drinking, not to mention that this behavior might put the restaurant at risk. ~~it wouldn't have put the restaurant at risk. the mother was sharing the drink with her daughter, it would have been on her if anything.~~ i'm sorry but i gotta agree, mind your own business. you made an issue for no good reason and where it had no effect on you.	yta, for being a busybody. and having worked in restaurants i'll say the the staff probably thought the same thing. they may have felt compelled to eject them for liability reasons since you brought it to their attention, but i guarantee that they weren't happy about doing it. they likely lost those people as customers now. as a locally owned shop as you say, they surely didn't like that.	yta. you don't know if she just forgot her id. the restaurant can manage their own business. the family was not disturbing you and the restaurant isn't paying you for this so just ignore it. when you're dealing with college age kids, drinking laws are kinda arbitrary anyway. it's not like this girl was crushing a margarita at 10 years old.	yta - sounds like you are less about protecting and more about being nosey and judgmental. i grew up in europe were drinking was less taboo than in us. kids could regularly take sips of alcohol with their parents --- made it less taboo and not too many drinking problems that i saw. here its taboo and all sorts of drinking issues.	yta, do you call in "illegal" lemonade stands by any chance?	your husband is right. yta and a pearl-clutching busybody.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account. we were at a local restaurant last saturday evening. this is a locally owned establishment, not a chain. there was a 30-45 minute wait for tables. there was another family waiting in the wait area, and the "mom" went to the bar and came back with three drinks. a beer for "dad" and a margarita for her and one of the young women. there was another young woman there who looked of college age, and had on a college sorority t-shirt, but no drink was brought for her. but as i watched i noticed that the mom was sharing her margarita with the 4th girl, who i assumed was under 21 as she had no drink of her own. in fact, i'd guess the 4th girl consumed most of the mom's margarita. i mentioned this to my husband and he said so what, forget it. full disclosure that i'm a non drinker myself and certainly don't approve of underage drinking, not to mention that this behavior might put the restaurant at risk. so i mentioned it to the hostess. a short time later a manager (i assume) came and asked to see the girls' id's. the girl with her own drink produced one. the second girl who had been drinking from mom's drink did not. i did not hear the exchange, but the family left thereafter. i assume they were asked to do so. my husband said that it was a crappy thing for me to do. i feel like i was protecting the restaurant. was i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account. we were at a local restaurant last saturday evening. this is a locally owned establishment, not a chain. there was a 30-45 minute wait for tables. there was another family waiting in the wait area, and the "mom" went to the bar and came back with three drinks. a beer for "dad" and a margarita for her and one of the young women. there was another young woman there who looked of college age, and had on a college sorority t-shirt, but no drink was brought for her. but as i watched i noticed that the mom was sharing her margarita with the 4th girl, who i assumed was under 21 as she had no drink of her own. in fact, i'd guess the 4th girl consumed most of the mom's margarita. i mentioned this to my husband and he said so what, forget it. full disclosure that i'm a non drinker myself and certainly don't approve of underage drinking, not to mention that this behavior might put the restaurant at risk. so i mentioned it to the hostess. a short time later a manager (i assume) came and asked to see the girls' id's. the girl with her own drink produced one. the second girl who had been drinking from mom's drink did not. i did not hear the exchange, but the family left thereafter. i assume they were asked to do so. my husband said that it was a crappy thing for me to do. i feel like i was protecting the restaurant. was i the asshole? [/INST] yta. you weren't "protecting the restaurant." you were being a self-righteous, self-satisfied busybody. </s>
AITA for walking out of a house after the host told me to "feel free to leave" because she "doesn't like people in her house"?	this just happened like an hour ago. backstory: dating this guy and his best friend was having a small party, if you can call it that. there were 10 people there at most. i wasn't invited but boyfriend (for lack of a better term) told me it would be okay if i came. usually, i wouldn't go somewhere without an invite, but since this is his best friend's house, i assumed the he knew the situation better than me. i show up, go inside, meet the best friend, and she didn't know i was coming. boyfriend says, "hey this who i told you about. i wanted you guys to meet!". the best friend turns to me with a straight face and says, "yeah, it's alright i guess, but feel free to leave because i don't really like people in my house". so i left. i turned around and walked out without saying another word. now, to be completely fair, my boyfriend was shocked. he came after me and said that he had no idea that she would react that way but she was just having a bad night and that we should go back in and everything will be okay. obviously, i left. he didn't come with me. but now he is texting me and saying that while she was a bit rude, i was even more rude for just walking out in front of everyone and that it made for a weird vibe with all of his other friends who were there. so aita? did i overreact?	19,610	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oib200/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_house_after_the_host/	2021-07-11 19:37:09	nta. your bf + his "friend" are. he didn't come with you when you left. that's an ah move right there. p.s. does she have the hots for your bf + that's why she was rude to you? so you'd leave + she could do stuff with/to him? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!)	nta. and if i was dating him and he decided to return back to the party after that interaction i wouldn't be dating him any longer.	nta. no, he did you a wrong by sending into a place you were not invited, had the host insult you and then gets mad you leave? no, do not apologize. what the hell is he complaining about? he still stayed for the party while you ended up going home.	nta. that was a very reasonable reaction after being treated that way. much more polite than i would have been. my only confusion is why you didn’t immediately dump the bf for going back into the party and you’re waiting until a bit later to do that for some reason. that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.	[deleted]	nta, that was very rude on her part. she has all these people in her house, and when you greet her, that's her reaction?	nta. bf is the asshole for bringing an uninvited guest without bothering to tell the host. unlike most here, i don’t actually think the host was rude for asking an uninvited guest to leave. it’s her home. she doesn’t need a reason to not want strangers there. you acted appropriately, given the uncomfortable position of being the uninvited/unwelcome guest. not your fault your bf misled you.	nta. that was definitely her telling you to leave. i can't believe he actually stayed at his friends house after she treated you that way for no good reason.	nta. as a greek american, my yia yia would have given me the scolding of my life for treating a guest that way, invited or not. that's not filotimo. i suppose she may speak greek while being another nationality, i sure hope so.	wow she sounds like she'd be fun at parties. oh wait. definitely you are nta. if it were me i'd be pissed that my partner didn't leave with me. you were greeted with rudeness and hostility and did the right thing. it doesn't seem like your boyfriend told his friend he was bringing you. that's a bad move on his part, but the host's behavior is bizarre. your boyfriend should be on your side in this.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this just happened like an hour ago. backstory: dating this guy and his best friend was having a small party, if you can call it that. there were 10 people there at most. i wasn't invited but boyfriend (for lack of a better term) told me it would be okay if i came. usually, i wouldn't go somewhere without an invite, but since this is his best friend's house, i assumed the he knew the situation better than me. i show up, go inside, meet the best friend, and she didn't know i was coming. boyfriend says, "hey this who i told you about. i wanted you guys to meet!". the best friend turns to me with a straight face and says, "yeah, it's alright i guess, but feel free to leave because i don't really like people in my house". so i left. i turned around and walked out without saying another word. now, to be completely fair, my boyfriend was shocked. he came after me and said that he had no idea that she would react that way but she was just having a bad night and that we should go back in and everything will be okay. obviously, i left. he didn't come with me. but now he is texting me and saying that while she was a bit rude, i was even more rude for just walking out in front of everyone and that it made for a weird vibe with all of his other friends who were there. so aita? did i overreact?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this just happened like an hour ago. backstory: dating this guy and his best friend was having a small party, if you can call it that. there were 10 people there at most. i wasn't invited but boyfriend (for lack of a better term) told me it would be okay if i came. usually, i wouldn't go somewhere without an invite, but since this is his best friend's house, i assumed the he knew the situation better than me. i show up, go inside, meet the best friend, and she didn't know i was coming. boyfriend says, "hey this who i told you about. i wanted you guys to meet!". the best friend turns to me with a straight face and says, "yeah, it's alright i guess, but feel free to leave because i don't really like people in my house". so i left. i turned around and walked out without saying another word. now, to be completely fair, my boyfriend was shocked. he came after me and said that he had no idea that she would react that way but she was just having a bad night and that we should go back in and everything will be okay. obviously, i left. he didn't come with me. but now he is texting me and saying that while she was a bit rude, i was even more rude for just walking out in front of everyone and that it made for a weird vibe with all of his other friends who were there. so aita? did i overreact? [/INST] nta. your bf + his "friend" are. he didn't come with you when you left. that's an ah move right there. p.s. does she have the hots for your bf + that's why she was rude to you? so you'd leave + she could do stuff with/to him? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!) </s>
AITA for ignoring our daughter when she tried to get our attention like that?	i have 2 daughters, one of them is abi(22) and the other one is ana(16) when abi was 16 she suddenly started to act weird like screaming and yelling for no reason. we were very worried about her so my husband and i put her in therapy and we did everything we could to help her. ana always tries to do whatever abi does for example when abi turned 14 she joined the basketball team. when ana turned 14 she did the exact same thing. there are many more examples when ana turned 16 she started to act exactly like abi. it was clear that she is only doing this to get our attention and there is really nothing wrong with her so my husband and i decided to ignore her behaviour hoping she would stop acting like this which after a month she did. however now she is giving us the silent treatment, i was talking to my sister about this and she told me we are assholes for ignoring her when she tried to get our attention	4,119	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y774l6/aita_for_ignoring_our_daughter_when_she_tried_to/	2022-10-18 13:29:40	yta. you knew she was trying to get your attention. if she feels like she needs to act out for your attention, don't you think there's a problem?? why did you not give her the attention she wanted and ask what was wrong?	yta repeating her sisters behavior at the exact age where she did it was deserving of therapy before all this. that is absolutely not healthy. you say she was just trying to get your attention, so why weren't you giving it in the first place? wanting attention from your parents is perfectly normal, ignoring your child is not. if she so desperate for your attention she'll do everything her sister did, that says you gave her sister all the attention and she now thinks to get attention she has to be her sister.	yta. when your older daughter did this, you put her in therapy. so why are you not even thinking about that for your younger daughter?	yta, your daughter clearly needs therapy but doesn't know how to communicate it in a healthy manner.	yta. did it ever occur to you she acts like abi because you act like you actually care about abi, and she is hoping for similar treatment? your favoritism is super obvious even to me so i'm sure it's awful for her.	yta reading your comments i decided that abi is the golden child. she can do no wrong. ana is the poor kid who gets left out so she mimicks abi's every move to get attention. you're not a professional so you didn't "know" ana was pretending. you just didn't want to deal with it again. you should get ana the therapy she needs to overcome the emotional trama she has delt with her whole life from you and her father.	yta - it’s clear who the golden child is your daughter was acting out to get your attention because she clearly feels she doesn’t get enough of it and what was your answer? to ignore her if both your kids were acting out for attention maybe that says something about the attention you gave them	info: what made you think that abi was in need of therapy whereas ana isn't?	yta- tell me your a narcissist who has made you youngest child your scapegoat in less words next time. your youngest daughter is clearly struggling if she is resorting to copying her old sister to get attention instead of developing her own personality. your favourtism for your eldest daughter is obvious to strangers on the internet- i'm sure your youngest child has also noticed it. ignoring problematic behavior isn't going to make it go away- your 16 year old daughter isn't a puppy, and your attention isn't all that valuable a reward, since you cleary don't like your youngest child. .	i mean yeah, yta. you're showing ana how you value abi's well being over hers. abi exhibits this behavior, and you do "everything you could to help her" ...yet ana shows this behavior & you immediately assume it's just for attention. make this make sense?!! also, so what if they both started the same sport at 14? that does not mean she was copying her lol, at most it means she was inspired by her. ~~your post does not offer enough evidence for me to believe ana is doing things just to mimic abi.~~ ~~your post does read, however, that you've projected some copy-cat issue onto your second child.~~	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 2 daughters, one of them is abi(22) and the other one is ana(16) when abi was 16 she suddenly started to act weird like screaming and yelling for no reason. we were very worried about her so my husband and i put her in therapy and we did everything we could to help her. ana always tries to do whatever abi does for example when abi turned 14 she joined the basketball team. when ana turned 14 she did the exact same thing. there are many more examples when ana turned 16 she started to act exactly like abi. it was clear that she is only doing this to get our attention and there is really nothing wrong with her so my husband and i decided to ignore her behaviour hoping she would stop acting like this which after a month she did. however now she is giving us the silent treatment, i was talking to my sister about this and she told me we are assholes for ignoring her when she tried to get our attention	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have 2 daughters, one of them is abi(22) and the other one is ana(16) when abi was 16 she suddenly started to act weird like screaming and yelling for no reason. we were very worried about her so my husband and i put her in therapy and we did everything we could to help her. ana always tries to do whatever abi does for example when abi turned 14 she joined the basketball team. when ana turned 14 she did the exact same thing. there are many more examples when ana turned 16 she started to act exactly like abi. it was clear that she is only doing this to get our attention and there is really nothing wrong with her so my husband and i decided to ignore her behaviour hoping she would stop acting like this which after a month she did. however now she is giving us the silent treatment, i was talking to my sister about this and she told me we are assholes for ignoring her when she tried to get our attention [/INST] yta. you knew she was trying to get your attention. if she feels like she needs to act out for your attention, don't you think there's a problem?? why did you not give her the attention she wanted and ask what was wrong? </s>
AITA for telling my teenage daughter I don’t feel the need to tell her I love her?	when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter. i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her. last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom. she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita?	3,357	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h91754/aita_for_telling_my_teenage_daughter_i_dont_feel/	2020-06-14 20:34:32	yta - you do realise plenty of parents don’t actually love their kids right? how is she suppose to know you love her if you don’t show/tell her just because your suppose to love her doesn’t mean you do/will worse still you won’t even have a conversation about it, you won’t even let her explain herself or how she feels	yta. your daughter needs you to say three words to her, and give her an occasional hug.	yta your daughter is clearly feeling like she isn't loved at home and literally asked for help. your reaction was to tell her no. is it such an imposition to say the words "i love you"? expression of affection is a big thing for someone who is struggling with their identity (like most teenagers are). they need to hear that they have someone in their corner. just being her mom is not enough for her to know how much you love her.	yta this isn't about what you need. it's about what your daughter needs. first she needs you to listen when she voices a concern. second she needs you to listen when she voices a concern. third she needs you to realise that all children need affection from their parents, whether or not the parents feel the need to give it. it's almost like your child and her needs aren't an extension of you and your needs, but rather an individual human being. fourth she needs you to be really proud of her for turning out as mature and emotionally intelligent as to be able to identify and voice her needs like she did. be proud of her, because she did that without your input, as you appear to have the emotional intelligence of a cucumber. fifth she needs you to listen when she voices a concern. you're her mom and she wants a relationship with you. if you want your relationship with her to last beyond the day she moves out of the family home, you'll want to start listening to her rather than dismissing her needs with your self-centered focus on what you don't need.	your parents are right. yta. your poor daughter does not have one parent in her life that tells her and shows her she’s loved. jesus woman, fix that.	yta. just reading your side of the story, you sound incredibly cold. i can't imagine what it's been like for your daughter to experience that for 13 years. you listened to her on the phone saying she doesn't feel loved, and you still needed your parents to give you a reality check on that? it didn't immediately raise alarm bells for you on its own??	yta. not everyone has the same love language even in family dynamics. some people need to hear it and you shut her down when she told you her needs.	yta. concur with your parents. you refused to even have the conversation with her. you’re her mom, she went to you with a topic that clearly means a lot to her and you brushed her off. and if you need to make concessions such as telling your daughter the words “i love you” then that’s what you have to do as a parent. your daughter seeks open love and affection from you. that’s a beautiful thing even if it’s not your style. you owe her an apology and a real heart to heart convo on this topic.	yta - it’s not about you. someone in your life that you care about is asking you for confirmation of your feelings in a way that would benefit them. regardless of the relationship, people who care about other people will do things for them because they love them. you don’t get to say what she should or should not feel. she’s asking you for something that would greatly benefit her and is of no effort to you, and you’re telling her no. sounds like you don’t love her.	awe poor kid! you're definitely the ah. show the kid some bloody affection, that'll affect her badly later on.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter. i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her. last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom. she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter. i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her. last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom. she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita? [/INST] yta - you do realise plenty of parents don’t actually love their kids right? how is she suppose to know you love her if you don’t show/tell her just because your suppose to love her doesn’t mean you do/will worse still you won’t even have a conversation about it, you won’t even let her explain herself or how she feels </s>
AITA if I don’t go to this job interview my cousin referenced me for	so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes. however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk....	12,174	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bbbnzc/aita_if_i_dont_go_to_this_job_interview_my_cousin/	2019-04-09 18:45:42	yta. you said you'd be there, be there. basic professionalism. if you didn't want the job, should have told them you weren't interested.	you said yes, so yta	yta. it's really rude to cancel an interview at the last minute, especially since your cousin stuck her neck out for you. you should have either not accepted the interview to begin with or canceled yesterday when you had some time to realize you didn't want to go. at this point, not going would be inconsiderate of both your cousin's attempt to help you and the manager's time they've set aside to interview you. if i were you, i would go to the interview, do your best, and if offered a job, thank them for the opportunity but tell them you won't be able to accept. that's the most graceful way out of this. if you decide to just not show up or cancel very last minute, i'm sure your cousin will probably forgive you, but i wouldn't expect her to go out of her way to help you again.	yta go for your cousin's sake. it will not look good on her for you to bail on the interview.	yta if you don't go. you agreed to the interview and need to keep your commitment for the sake of her reputation. while you like the flexibility of door dash, it may be worth looking into this restaurant part time for guaranteed hours.	glad you received your judgement (and job), now some advice for the future: you hurt yourself when you refuse to consider new things. your value judgements on this are dumb as shit. if you go, the absolute worst that can happen is that you waste maybe an hour and the best that happens is you get a way better job, and either way your cousin's reputation is protected. whereas if you don't go, your cousin's reputation is fucked, you embarrass her and yourself and are rude to her manager, you don't get to even know if the job is interesting, but you save a whole hour. picking the second one is just plain stupid.	ha ha ha, edit 3 was probably the funniest thing i've read on here and also one of the most ironic... &#x200b; good luck.	you would have been ta, but nta anymore with those edits. always show up for the interview. you never know what might happen.	yta. you got a lotta dandruff in your hair? cause u flake’n!	yta but it sounds like you went so nah. a second interview for a delivery driver though? are they putting you through an obstacle course or something?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	NTA	YTA	YTA	0.04134	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes. however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk....	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so like 3 months ago when i was looking for a job my cousin suggested i work at the restaurant she works at. at the time i was like yeah that sounds cool, but had also just started working for doordash just to have income. however i actually enjoy doordash and delivering, plus i like the flexibility. so the place my cousin works at never called or replied to my resumes. however i just ran into her yesterday, 3 months later and after talking to her for a few minutes (we ran into each other when she was walking into work) she said she’d tell them about me again. so she calls me yesterday and said they want me to interview today. i really had put no thought into taking the job or a new one at that cus i’m content with what i’m doing now. however i spontaneously said yes. but now the interview is in an hour and i honestly don’t want to go. but my cousin gave me a reference and said she’s excited to work with me but i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. truth is i really am not looking for another job and one has just been sprung upon me. i know i accepted the interview but, idk.... [/INST] yta. you said you'd be there, be there. basic professionalism. if you didn't want the job, should have told them you weren't interested. </s>
AITA for confronting my husband for treating the girls so differently?	my husband and i have been dating for 5 years, married for 1. he has a daughter luna(16) and i have a daughter called anya(16). we have decided not to combine our finance and each one of us will provide for our own daughter. anya is about a month older than luna. for anya's birthday i was planning to buy a car for her i found a nice second handed car but it was 4000 dollars over my budget. i asked my husband if he could lend me 4000 dollars but he said he can't afford it right now so i ended up getting a cheaper car. luna's birthday came and my husband bought her a honda and it wasn't even second handed it was new. i confronted him and told him if he could afford a new honda i'm sure he could afford to give me 4000 dollars. he said if he had given me that 4000 dollars then he couldn't afford this car. i told him he could have given her a less expensive car, maybe even a second handed one. he called me an asshole and said we agreed to only be responsible for our own child but i think it's unfair to treat them so differently, anya is very upset right now and luna bragging about her new car is only making things worse	3,718	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yx2hcw/aita_for_confronting_my_husband_for_treating_the/	2022-11-16 18:54:30	yta at the end of the day, you agreed to separate finances here for your kids. that means these sorts of inequities will happen. you don't get the perks of split finances without the drawbacks.	yta…. you buy a car for your daughter he buys a car for his daughter stick to your agreement. he’s clearly sticking to what was agreed upon!	he is not treating the girls differently. he is doing what you both agreed on.	yta. wtf? you start out talking about how y'all agreed to just provide for your own daughter. and you're somehow mad at him for \[checks notes\] doing the thing you agreed on.	yta you both wanted to stay separate and support kids separate. not his fault you were short funds, and not his responsibility to make up the difference. separate finances. and let me guess, if the situation were reversed, would you have really given him the $4k? be honest...	yta. you could be accused of the treating them differently too because you were buying your kid a car and as far as you knew his kid wouldnt have a car at all! you agreed to keep finances separate and now youre upset because it didnt work out in your favor. or are you upset that you didnt plan better to buy a newer car?	yta you agreed to treat kids differently, then you are surprised he actually does.	was going to say e s h while reading the post, because y'all definitely on bullshit with keeping finances separate when dealing with the girls, because if a medical emergency comes up and one can't afford won't the other help out? but after reading your comments and seeing you referring to his daughter as "the princess" pushed you into the asshole realm #yta	esh- your husband could have explained why he wasn’t able to lend the money during the initial convo. you agreed to keep things separate and luna shouldn’t be gloating	yta. you’re coming of as entitled. based on your agreement finances are separate for your daughters. you agreed to this. now you want him to spend less on his daughter to make yours feel better. you have the right to ask for help, he has the right to say no. stop asking him to downgrade what he provides his child and talk to your own instead. both are very fortunate that you can provide them with vehicles. not everybody can have the same.	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	0.002566	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been dating for 5 years, married for 1. he has a daughter luna(16) and i have a daughter called anya(16). we have decided not to combine our finance and each one of us will provide for our own daughter. anya is about a month older than luna. for anya's birthday i was planning to buy a car for her i found a nice second handed car but it was 4000 dollars over my budget. i asked my husband if he could lend me 4000 dollars but he said he can't afford it right now so i ended up getting a cheaper car. luna's birthday came and my husband bought her a honda and it wasn't even second handed it was new. i confronted him and told him if he could afford a new honda i'm sure he could afford to give me 4000 dollars. he said if he had given me that 4000 dollars then he couldn't afford this car. i told him he could have given her a less expensive car, maybe even a second handed one. he called me an asshole and said we agreed to only be responsible for our own child but i think it's unfair to treat them so differently, anya is very upset right now and luna bragging about her new car is only making things worse	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i have been dating for 5 years, married for 1. he has a daughter luna(16) and i have a daughter called anya(16). we have decided not to combine our finance and each one of us will provide for our own daughter. anya is about a month older than luna. for anya's birthday i was planning to buy a car for her i found a nice second handed car but it was 4000 dollars over my budget. i asked my husband if he could lend me 4000 dollars but he said he can't afford it right now so i ended up getting a cheaper car. luna's birthday came and my husband bought her a honda and it wasn't even second handed it was new. i confronted him and told him if he could afford a new honda i'm sure he could afford to give me 4000 dollars. he said if he had given me that 4000 dollars then he couldn't afford this car. i told him he could have given her a less expensive car, maybe even a second handed one. he called me an asshole and said we agreed to only be responsible for our own child but i think it's unfair to treat them so differently, anya is very upset right now and luna bragging about her new car is only making things worse [/INST] yta at the end of the day, you agreed to separate finances here for your kids. that means these sorts of inequities will happen. you don't get the perks of split finances without the drawbacks. </s>
AITA for letting my bf’s friends draw me naked?	in college. he’s an art student. his friends are art students. i was approached by of one them to model for a class of 10 students. it paid and was about an hour. i said sure. i later find out it’s naked. i’m fine with that. i sign the forms. i go out there in a robe. see his friends. disrobe. get comfy and pose. hour later i get paid. teacher thanks me. talk to his friends a bit. look at the work and it’s all good. later bf and i are at a friends place and he noticed a piece of art hanging up. and it’s my nude. he gets upset. says i should have cleared it with him. his friends and i try to calm him down. saying it’s art. nothing wrong with it. not sexual. and he just goes on about how everyone has seen me naked now. and it’s different bc i’m not a “nameless model”. aita? should i have made sure he was fine with it before hand?	4,630	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dot8qd/aita_for_letting_my_bfs_friends_draw_me_naked/	2019-10-29 17:38:59	yta - i don't think the people saying "your body your choice" have ever been in a relationship honestly. people in a healthy relationship should probably run it by their partner before getting completely nude in front of the friends of that person. you could apply "your body your choice" to various things that are horrible to do without asking your significant other if they're cool with it first. porn? just a movie - nothing intimate about it. your body your choice. just chilling with random dudes you know while naked? - oh yeah, totally fine. your body your choice. these are the kinds of things a person you're dating has every right to know about, and every right to be upset about.	i'm not saying you needed to ask permission, but you at least needed to have a discussion about this. i'm very surprised anyone thinks you have no blame here. yta	yta his "friends" totally wanted to see you naked and used art as an excuse. even if you're artists, asking to see the nude form of your friends significant other is obviously crossing the line. you're naive if you think this wasn't a sexual thing.	yta you should have... probably cleared it with him beforehand, but i can forgive that mistake... but then you didn't tell him after he found out in public in front of his friends he had no warning and got blindsided now his public reaction in front of his friends showed he didn't know he's trapped, embarrassed, and humiliated....do you not see how you could have prevented this situation several times over? it's fine if you think you did nothing wrong but then grow up and own it...if you story was: i told my boyfriend that night, saying, "so weird thing happened today, i signed up to model..." and told him what you told us? then it might be more ambiguous as to who is wrong. but you straight up ambushed this guy.	sketching models are common... deliberately hanging up the sketch of a friend's so is weird af. was the wall plastered in other sketches? those are for practice and study, unusual for it to be placed on the wall so quickly and prominently. it sounds like either a dick move by the friend or a necessary detail to make a fabricated story work.	yta - sure it's your body, you can do what you want and he can't tell you what to do. but part of being in a relationship is taking each others feelings into account. there's not many people in the context of a relationship who are just going to be cool with their partners getting naked in front of their friends, for whatever the reason. if the relationship is important to you, common sense dictates having at least discussed it with him first. i can see why he's annoyed.	yta..obviously? god you sound insufferably smug. these are just basic boundaries within a monogamous relationship and you know it. you’re even more the asshole for trying to seek validation on reddit. hopefully bf wises up 🙄🙄🙄	yta this isn't the normal oh we should have discussed our boundaries earlier mistake. unless you already do nude modeling it's perfectly reasonable to expect your gf to stay fully clothed in a room full of you and your bf's peers.	the way you’ve phrased this indicates its a validation post. letting your bfs friends draw you naked isn’t the issue. the issue is that one of them has hung your nudes up in his house. that’s really weird if you ask me. art is art but i don’t think that’s very appropriate considering it’s a monogamous relationship	yta. ultimately your choice, but there needed to be a discussion between you and your boyfriend beforehand.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in college. he’s an art student. his friends are art students. i was approached by of one them to model for a class of 10 students. it paid and was about an hour. i said sure. i later find out it’s naked. i’m fine with that. i sign the forms. i go out there in a robe. see his friends. disrobe. get comfy and pose. hour later i get paid. teacher thanks me. talk to his friends a bit. look at the work and it’s all good. later bf and i are at a friends place and he noticed a piece of art hanging up. and it’s my nude. he gets upset. says i should have cleared it with him. his friends and i try to calm him down. saying it’s art. nothing wrong with it. not sexual. and he just goes on about how everyone has seen me naked now. and it’s different bc i’m not a “nameless model”. aita? should i have made sure he was fine with it before hand?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> in college. he’s an art student. his friends are art students. i was approached by of one them to model for a class of 10 students. it paid and was about an hour. i said sure. i later find out it’s naked. i’m fine with that. i sign the forms. i go out there in a robe. see his friends. disrobe. get comfy and pose. hour later i get paid. teacher thanks me. talk to his friends a bit. look at the work and it’s all good. later bf and i are at a friends place and he noticed a piece of art hanging up. and it’s my nude. he gets upset. says i should have cleared it with him. his friends and i try to calm him down. saying it’s art. nothing wrong with it. not sexual. and he just goes on about how everyone has seen me naked now. and it’s different bc i’m not a “nameless model”. aita? should i have made sure he was fine with it before hand? [/INST] yta - i don't think the people saying "your body your choice" have ever been in a relationship honestly. people in a healthy relationship should probably run it by their partner before getting completely nude in front of the friends of that person. you could apply "your body your choice" to various things that are horrible to do without asking your significant other if they're cool with it first. porn? just a movie - nothing intimate about it. your body your choice. just chilling with random dudes you know while naked? - oh yeah, totally fine. your body your choice. these are the kinds of things a person you're dating has every right to know about, and every right to be upset about. </s>
AITA for not giving 24 hours notice to my daughter's roommates before dropping something off	i'm new to reddit but my husband advised that i post here and is helping me write this. i am a mother to a 20-year-old daughter. she is a junior in college and attends school in the same city that we live. my daughter and two of her friends live in a condominium that i own. her friends pay below-market rent while my daughter does not. the condo was inherited from my parents and it was their intent that i would pass ownership of it to my daughter when she is mature enough to own her own place. my daughter, husband, and i are in agreement that she will take over ownership of the condo when she is out of school and financially independent. earlier this week, my daughter mentioned that she had run out of some household supplies and would have to set aside time to go shopping before the end of the week. my daughter's schedule has been especially rough lately, as she has picked up extra shifts at her part time job due to short staffing. wanting to be helpful, i offered to pick up the supplies for her and drop them off at her place. she accepted. the next day, i picked up the supplies and took them to the condo. i knew my daughter was in class, so i knocked and, when no one answered, let myself in. the front door opens into the living room. when i entered, i found one of my daughters roommates being intimate with a man on the living room couch. i was obviously mortified, so i left the supplies at the door and left right away. i didn't say anything to my daughter about what happened because i didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position but i did let her know that i had dropped off the supplies. on friday, i got an angry email from the roommate's parents. i'm not sure exactly what they were told but their email lambasted me for invading their daughter's privacy. they said that what i did was wrong because i'm their daughter's landlord and i entered the condo without giving 24-hours notice. they're threatening to take legal action if i do it again. i am vaguely familiar with this requirement, but didn't think it was applicable here. was i the asshole in this situation? i feel bad about what happened but i also don't feel like i was out of line.	19,422	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yuje53/aita_for_not_giving_24_hours_notice_to_my/	2022-11-14 00:10:45	nta. you were not entering in your capacity as landlord but in your capacity as your daughter’s mother, in which case you do not need to provide notice. you also had your daughter’s permission. roommate had no expectation of privacy vis-a-vis her roommates who could have walked in at any time (regardless of whether they had a class scheduled or not); she shouldn’t have been doing it on the couch out in the open.	is there a formal lease? i would be of a mind that if they want to treat me as a landlord, i will charge market rent.	lol the roommate was having sex in the common area of a condo she shares with two other people, hard to imagine a real expectation of privacy there, especially with the front door opening right onto where they were, and i wonder what she told her parents. technically yes, a landlord has to give notice, but the owners’ daughter/her roommate gave permission for you to drop off the supplies. nta in this instance and i think you handled it well. you would think she would have appreciated your discretion and learned to have private time in a private setting (her bedroom), but her actions involving her parents say otherwise smdh. no one wants to walk in and see that or sit on a communal sex couch, she needs to be more considerate of her roommates, and you definitely shouldn’t let yourself in again.	nta. people who live with roommates should know not to get busy in shared spaces. this isn't legal advice but any laws regarding restrictions on landlords entering a leased premises wouldn't apply to you when you weren't acting as a landlord but rather as an invited guest of a tenant. do the roommate's parents think you have to give 24 hour notice if you visit your daughter? and why are this person's parents contacting you anyway -- is she a minor? a minor having sex in your living room? unless she's a close friend of your daughter's, i'd be looking for a way to evict her because her parents are going to make life hell for everyone.	nta, my mom is my landlord as well and in this scenario, the only person i’d be pissed at is roomie for fucking in the common areas. edit to add: op’s edit…. jfc man	nta. i don't know where this falls legally but morally i say n t a. the roommate wouldn't have given 24h for her mom to drop something off. you were acting as a mom, not a ll. and frankly when you live with roommate, getting frisky in a shared space is disrespectful and risky. your daughter could've walked in just as easily. and no one wants someone else's bodily fluids on their couch.	nta : you went there as a visitor (the mom of one of the inhabitant) not as the owner, so for me, morally, you shouldn't have to do the 24 hours notice (i am speking about moral, not law) also, if you rent to them bellw market price, it is extremely ungrateful to threaten you of legal consequences for that kind of little incident.	nta and i would advise the roommates parents that you are officially going to raise the rent to market rent.		nta - however you need to get better at doing the hotel entry. eg knock 3 times, call out allow time to respond. repeat. if no answer, then slowly open the door calling out. giving plenty of time for someone to yell out and you to close the door. also write back to the parents asking for them to have the couch dry cleaned.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm new to reddit but my husband advised that i post here and is helping me write this. i am a mother to a 20-year-old daughter. she is a junior in college and attends school in the same city that we live. my daughter and two of her friends live in a condominium that i own. her friends pay below-market rent while my daughter does not. the condo was inherited from my parents and it was their intent that i would pass ownership of it to my daughter when she is mature enough to own her own place. my daughter, husband, and i are in agreement that she will take over ownership of the condo when she is out of school and financially independent. earlier this week, my daughter mentioned that she had run out of some household supplies and would have to set aside time to go shopping before the end of the week. my daughter's schedule has been especially rough lately, as she has picked up extra shifts at her part time job due to short staffing. wanting to be helpful, i offered to pick up the supplies for her and drop them off at her place. she accepted. the next day, i picked up the supplies and took them to the condo. i knew my daughter was in class, so i knocked and, when no one answered, let myself in. the front door opens into the living room. when i entered, i found one of my daughters roommates being intimate with a man on the living room couch. i was obviously mortified, so i left the supplies at the door and left right away. i didn't say anything to my daughter about what happened because i didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position but i did let her know that i had dropped off the supplies. on friday, i got an angry email from the roommate's parents. i'm not sure exactly what they were told but their email lambasted me for invading their daughter's privacy. they said that what i did was wrong because i'm their daughter's landlord and i entered the condo without giving 24-hours notice. they're threatening to take legal action if i do it again. i am vaguely familiar with this requirement, but didn't think it was applicable here. was i the asshole in this situation? i feel bad about what happened but i also don't feel like i was out of line.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm new to reddit but my husband advised that i post here and is helping me write this. i am a mother to a 20-year-old daughter. she is a junior in college and attends school in the same city that we live. my daughter and two of her friends live in a condominium that i own. her friends pay below-market rent while my daughter does not. the condo was inherited from my parents and it was their intent that i would pass ownership of it to my daughter when she is mature enough to own her own place. my daughter, husband, and i are in agreement that she will take over ownership of the condo when she is out of school and financially independent. earlier this week, my daughter mentioned that she had run out of some household supplies and would have to set aside time to go shopping before the end of the week. my daughter's schedule has been especially rough lately, as she has picked up extra shifts at her part time job due to short staffing. wanting to be helpful, i offered to pick up the supplies for her and drop them off at her place. she accepted. the next day, i picked up the supplies and took them to the condo. i knew my daughter was in class, so i knocked and, when no one answered, let myself in. the front door opens into the living room. when i entered, i found one of my daughters roommates being intimate with a man on the living room couch. i was obviously mortified, so i left the supplies at the door and left right away. i didn't say anything to my daughter about what happened because i didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position but i did let her know that i had dropped off the supplies. on friday, i got an angry email from the roommate's parents. i'm not sure exactly what they were told but their email lambasted me for invading their daughter's privacy. they said that what i did was wrong because i'm their daughter's landlord and i entered the condo without giving 24-hours notice. they're threatening to take legal action if i do it again. i am vaguely familiar with this requirement, but didn't think it was applicable here. was i the asshole in this situation? i feel bad about what happened but i also don't feel like i was out of line. [/INST] nta. you were not entering in your capacity as landlord but in your capacity as your daughter’s mother, in which case you do not need to provide notice. you also had your daughter’s permission. roommate had no expectation of privacy vis-a-vis her roommates who could have walked in at any time (regardless of whether they had a class scheduled or not); she shouldn’t have been doing it on the couch out in the open. </s>
AITA for throwing out jelly my wife intentionally contaminated with peanut butter?	tonight my wife (31f) and i (32m) were making ourselves sandwiches for a late dinner. i decided to make turkey and she decided to make peanut butter and jelly. i watched her stick a knife into the peanut butter, spread it on the bread, and then stick the same knife into the jar of strawberry jelly without cleaning it off or using a different knife. i asked her if she was serious right now and if she could please not contaminate food intentionally. she responded saying this was jelly specifically for peanut butter and jelly so it was fine. i said i sometimes eat jelly without peanut butter and either way it was disgusting. she said “fine” and went over to the sink and rinsed off the knife but only partially. she came back over to the table and stuck the same knife, still with some peanut butter on it, into the jar again and finished making her sandwich. after she was done i took the jar out of the fridge and threw it in the trash. she took it out of the trash, put it back in the fridge, and now she’s not talking to me. aita?	6,989	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pzmn3f/aita_for_throwing_out_jelly_my_wife_intentionally/	2021-10-02 02:30:59	yta - “contaminated”??? really??? unless you are allergic to peanuts, this is the most childish hill to die on i’ve ever heard.	yta. what a huge overreaction. are you sure you're not 5? if it was that big of a deal you could just scoop out the bit that was contaminated.	yta. i have secondhand embarrassment from how childish this is. she refused to label the jelly, so instead of doing it yourself you had yourself a tantrum and threw it away? i wouldn’t even expect this behavior from a small child.	yta. pregnant over here. surviving off of peanut butter and jelly. reading this post makes me greatly dislike you. i also want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now.	what a coincidence! i heard the same argument going on in my kitchen yesterday. it was my kids - they're 5 and 7. of course, neither one of them would think of throwing the food away. and, yes, yta.	yta why are you wasting food like that? also, they sell peanut butter and jelly in the same jar sometimes so, unless you have a peanut allergy, calm down.	you are dramatic as hell	yta your pregnant wife cannot eat cold cuts right now, and therefore pb&j is one of her few sandwich choices, and you threw out the entire jar of jelly during a temper tantrum out of pure pettiness? yeah, you suck.	yta. are you allergic to peanuts because then i understand? otherwise this is not a reason to throw away an entire jar of jelly. if it bother you so much you can both have your own individual jars of jelly.	haha fuck me. do you see a therapist? i think it’s time. yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tonight my wife (31f) and i (32m) were making ourselves sandwiches for a late dinner. i decided to make turkey and she decided to make peanut butter and jelly. i watched her stick a knife into the peanut butter, spread it on the bread, and then stick the same knife into the jar of strawberry jelly without cleaning it off or using a different knife. i asked her if she was serious right now and if she could please not contaminate food intentionally. she responded saying this was jelly specifically for peanut butter and jelly so it was fine. i said i sometimes eat jelly without peanut butter and either way it was disgusting. she said “fine” and went over to the sink and rinsed off the knife but only partially. she came back over to the table and stuck the same knife, still with some peanut butter on it, into the jar again and finished making her sandwich. after she was done i took the jar out of the fridge and threw it in the trash. she took it out of the trash, put it back in the fridge, and now she’s not talking to me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> tonight my wife (31f) and i (32m) were making ourselves sandwiches for a late dinner. i decided to make turkey and she decided to make peanut butter and jelly. i watched her stick a knife into the peanut butter, spread it on the bread, and then stick the same knife into the jar of strawberry jelly without cleaning it off or using a different knife. i asked her if she was serious right now and if she could please not contaminate food intentionally. she responded saying this was jelly specifically for peanut butter and jelly so it was fine. i said i sometimes eat jelly without peanut butter and either way it was disgusting. she said “fine” and went over to the sink and rinsed off the knife but only partially. she came back over to the table and stuck the same knife, still with some peanut butter on it, into the jar again and finished making her sandwich. after she was done i took the jar out of the fridge and threw it in the trash. she took it out of the trash, put it back in the fridge, and now she’s not talking to me. aita? [/INST] yta - “contaminated”??? really??? unless you are allergic to peanuts, this is the most childish hill to die on i’ve ever heard. </s>
AITA for banning a player from our larp for drama?	will spare a lot of details since not everybody is familiar with larps. we run a game that meets quite often for several years. two months ago, a player i'll call steph joined, and her conflict is with a veteran player i'll call tony. tony befriended steph out of game, taught her more about our larp and offered to help her get settled. this lasted about two weeks and their in-game characters spent a lot of time together, acting as friends in-game. tony's character invited steph to go a secluded place and then proceeded to, along with a character played by one of our moderators, murder her character with no warning aside from the mandatory signals according to our rules, citing an in-character grudge as the reason for the kill. he then justified his actions out-of-game and explained that getting close to her in-game was for the plan. since we run permadeath rules, steph lost all her progress and has to start fresh on a new character, new gear, and new in-game relationships. our rules allow for this pvp and the entire staff backed up tony and ralph's actions, as they followed our rules regarding player kills, and our moderators who play characters are bound to the same rules. steph, however, was furious because the culture at our larp has not been 100% competitive. there are sort of "unwritten rules" as have been no pvp kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance (ie characters receiving death threat letters, players pvping a known murderer and losing) and steph hated that this was sprung on her with no opportunity for her to be able to avoid it. she then left and texted the other players who she was friends with that she was leaving and complained about tony's behavior and what had happened. immersion is very important to our group and we avoid taking in-game information out-of-game, and steph was doing so by telling multiple people that her character had been murdered, by whom, where, and how, which is against our rules. she did have valid concerns, however, and so the staff team asked steph not to contact any more of our players regarding the issue while we discuss what to do first. we also didn't want this to blow out into a big community fight as we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this. the team then found out that steph continued to vent to other players that were her out-of-game friends about the issue. our organizers' team saw this as disrespectful to our event's rules and the entire community for continuing to break our rules even when asked to stop. we banned her from coming back to our events, and to prevent drama, let the rumor that she simply left stay in place. now she's texted everyone whose contact details she has about what's happened, and a few more players have been asking us why she was banned. aita?	5,667	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/shricn/aita_for_banning_a_player_from_our_larp_for_drama/	2022-02-01 10:06:39	yta if you think that this is how you go about bringing someone into a new hobby and retaining membership. the mod who helped the assassination plot and tony are just bullies. is anyone involved in running this an actual adult or is this a hs level game?	“we’ve lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this.” clearly this isn’t just a steph problem, it’s a repeated pattern of bullying new players. yta. and don’t be surprised when word gets out how you treat new players.	>tony befriended steph out of game, taught her more about our larp and offered to help her get settled. yta- i'm not amazingly familiar with larping but i can see you have strict rules for what happens in game vs what happens out. it appears from your comments that tony betrayed her outside of the game too. to irl offer to help a newbie to get settled all whilst having the knowledge that decisions you will make about your character's actions will very soon reset their progress is an ah move. whilst i'm sure he can rules lawyer it all he likes, it's toxic behaviour and if you wish to be fair and inclusive to new members it should be him and the mod who supported him who are suspended or banned. >there are sort of "unwritten rules" as have been no pvp kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance this incident means that these unwritten rules need to come into writing. perhaps also add a "no toxicity" or "newbie immunity" clause of some description to stop turning enthusiastic people away. it's supposed to be enjoyable for everyone, not just those who have been there longest.	yta. they set up a relatively new player to be murdered? and you’re confused as to why she’s upset? you say yourself that you’ve lost lots of players in similar situations? doesn’t that drop you a hint that maybe you need to change the way you do things?	yta. so this other person set up a relatively new player for the express purpose of then murdering their character? yet she's then banned for even complaining about it? yeah...this sounds like a real great game group. not.	i think op might be misinterpreting the situation... pull back the veil of larpy fun, and really look at the real world situation here. the rules don't matter, the lore doesn't matter. you have one female, and two males in a secluded basement that the majority of the players in the game do not know about at the edge of property (some info coming from another post by the op on /r/larp). and there are rumors of 'something more'. the two male players force the female player, alone with them, to do something against her will... these two posts are explaining the gold standard of how to create sexual assaults at a larp. i've been larping for 20 years. i've seen sexual harassment in larps. i've seen larps deal with it badly and i know there is always an unsaid undercurrent of abuse. these posts are describing the perfect assault (probably emotional abuse, theoretical sexual assault) scenario where the victim is assaulted, blamed, silenced, and then run out of the community to keep them from warning other potential victim. op you aren't just an asshole, there is a chance you are complicit in an irl crime. >we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this. possibly multiple crimes. i very much want to know the name of this larp and warn everyone (particularly female players) i know to stay very very far away from it. the rules and culture of this particular larp are established in such away as to reward perpetrators of (irl) abuse and silence real victims of (irl) abuse.	yta. first of all, i personally find it stupid y'all have rules about not talking about stuff outside of game. i've never been part of any larp, dnd, rp, renfair, etc type group that didn't discuss things outside of game/character even if it just to make sure everyone is comfortable with what's happening. you can have rules in place about not getting meta in game because of something discussed out of game, but not talking about the game at all? i'm not gonna tell you how to run your group because everyone runs differently and i understand that, it just sounds like you don't want players to have a voice. i'd be fuckin pissed too if someone randomly murdered my character and i wasn't aloud to be upset and vent to other players. y'all sound like a bunch of high schoolers that have just joined the community, but i saw that you said in another comment that you are all adults.	so, you're in the middle of a cover up operation and get mad that people want information? of course, you're going to get drama if you don't have transparency. yta. although tony is also worth mentioning in the arsehole category. the social contract with steph seems to have been broken albeit not any explicitly written contracts.	yta. one of your players did a positively shitty thing to a new player, and your entire staff backed it. cripes, this reminds me of a tabletop gm i encountered in college who liked to have npcs rape the female characters of female players when they joined. the combination of befriending her and offering to help teach her the ropes, then creating an excuse to kill her in game is a wildly inappropriate way to treat someone. he deliberately blurred the lines between ic and ooc to screw her over. does he have a habit of hazing new players, or was this the first time he behaved badly enough to drive someone new out of the group and possibly out of the hobby altogether? and when she’s understandably upset and talking to people - probably trying to establish if you’re all toxic or if this is a one-off event she can maybe try to get past - you kick her out. holy hell this is a red hot toxic mess.	yta! a crucial part of role playing is consent and you allowed them to trample all over hers. plus bully her and completely destroy all her trust in the game. this act was truly evil and i doubt any female will ever feel safe in your games if they know what you supported. there’s a large part of trust and vulnerability in larp and the fact that you allowed people to betray her trust and act out such gruesome violence is disgusting. this sounds like they were acting out a misogynistic power fantasy involving murdering a woman and you completely supported the behavior. this can honestly cause ptsd in someone, that’s why consent is so important prior to any pvp	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: will spare a lot of details since not everybody is familiar with larps. we run a game that meets quite often for several years. two months ago, a player i'll call steph joined, and her conflict is with a veteran player i'll call tony. tony befriended steph out of game, taught her more about our larp and offered to help her get settled. this lasted about two weeks and their in-game characters spent a lot of time together, acting as friends in-game. tony's character invited steph to go a secluded place and then proceeded to, along with a character played by one of our moderators, murder her character with no warning aside from the mandatory signals according to our rules, citing an in-character grudge as the reason for the kill. he then justified his actions out-of-game and explained that getting close to her in-game was for the plan. since we run permadeath rules, steph lost all her progress and has to start fresh on a new character, new gear, and new in-game relationships. our rules allow for this pvp and the entire staff backed up tony and ralph's actions, as they followed our rules regarding player kills, and our moderators who play characters are bound to the same rules. steph, however, was furious because the culture at our larp has not been 100% competitive. there are sort of "unwritten rules" as have been no pvp kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance (ie characters receiving death threat letters, players pvping a known murderer and losing) and steph hated that this was sprung on her with no opportunity for her to be able to avoid it. she then left and texted the other players who she was friends with that she was leaving and complained about tony's behavior and what had happened. immersion is very important to our group and we avoid taking in-game information out-of-game, and steph was doing so by telling multiple people that her character had been murdered, by whom, where, and how, which is against our rules. she did have valid concerns, however, and so the staff team asked steph not to contact any more of our players regarding the issue while we discuss what to do first. we also didn't want this to blow out into a big community fight as we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this. the team then found out that steph continued to vent to other players that were her out-of-game friends about the issue. our organizers' team saw this as disrespectful to our event's rules and the entire community for continuing to break our rules even when asked to stop. we banned her from coming back to our events, and to prevent drama, let the rumor that she simply left stay in place. now she's texted everyone whose contact details she has about what's happened, and a few more players have been asking us why she was banned. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> will spare a lot of details since not everybody is familiar with larps. we run a game that meets quite often for several years. two months ago, a player i'll call steph joined, and her conflict is with a veteran player i'll call tony. tony befriended steph out of game, taught her more about our larp and offered to help her get settled. this lasted about two weeks and their in-game characters spent a lot of time together, acting as friends in-game. tony's character invited steph to go a secluded place and then proceeded to, along with a character played by one of our moderators, murder her character with no warning aside from the mandatory signals according to our rules, citing an in-character grudge as the reason for the kill. he then justified his actions out-of-game and explained that getting close to her in-game was for the plan. since we run permadeath rules, steph lost all her progress and has to start fresh on a new character, new gear, and new in-game relationships. our rules allow for this pvp and the entire staff backed up tony and ralph's actions, as they followed our rules regarding player kills, and our moderators who play characters are bound to the same rules. steph, however, was furious because the culture at our larp has not been 100% competitive. there are sort of "unwritten rules" as have been no pvp kills that were not either consented to out-of-game or clearly signaled in advance (ie characters receiving death threat letters, players pvping a known murderer and losing) and steph hated that this was sprung on her with no opportunity for her to be able to avoid it. she then left and texted the other players who she was friends with that she was leaving and complained about tony's behavior and what had happened. immersion is very important to our group and we avoid taking in-game information out-of-game, and steph was doing so by telling multiple people that her character had been murdered, by whom, where, and how, which is against our rules. she did have valid concerns, however, and so the staff team asked steph not to contact any more of our players regarding the issue while we discuss what to do first. we also didn't want this to blow out into a big community fight as we've lost many players over the years due to issues similar to this. the team then found out that steph continued to vent to other players that were her out-of-game friends about the issue. our organizers' team saw this as disrespectful to our event's rules and the entire community for continuing to break our rules even when asked to stop. we banned her from coming back to our events, and to prevent drama, let the rumor that she simply left stay in place. now she's texted everyone whose contact details she has about what's happened, and a few more players have been asking us why she was banned. aita? [/INST] yta if you think that this is how you go about bringing someone into a new hobby and retaining membership. the mod who helped the assassination plot and tony are just bullies. is anyone involved in running this an actual adult or is this a hs level game? </s>
AITA for moving out when my stepsister ruined my father's day gift for my dad?	i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.	25,778	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o45ui3/aita_for_moving_out_when_my_stepsister_ruined_my/	2021-06-20 13:38:27	nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap. if you stayed i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made. stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you.	nta. being locked out of your own room is unacceptable. while your step family is awful, it’s your mom who is the real ah. she should be advocating and standing up for you. being locked out and not getting to keep your dads stuff is completely on her. i’m sure she had no problem spending or getting your stepdad to agree to keep any ss benefit she gets for you for your dad having passed away.	nta i’m so sorry that you lost your dad and i’m sorry that you have an insensitive mom. if you can stay with your uncle, i would. your mom has not considered your feelings regarding your father, and the fact that she does nothing about how your stepfather and step sister treat you is truly awful. keep your distance.	nta that girl sounds absolutely horrible and needs some therapy. at least the mom and step dad were also angry at her, but holy crap. she’s 16, she knows what she did. she knows what this meant to you. she’s disgusting. also, that step brother or whatever needs to get talked to as well. nta	nta- you have a very weak mother. you are better at standing up for yourself. do not move back until she grows a spine (ie. involves the court and proves that she will always have your best interests).	nta - absolutely nta. you were living in an emotionally negative place, and thankfully you have your uncle to help out. mom should have stood up for you long before this. sounds like your stepsister and stepbrother are both spoiled and need some maturing.	nta. you are in a toxic situation that you need to get out of for your own sanity. if you had stayed stepsister would have taken it out on you because she was punished. the fact that you were being locked out of your own bedroom is just crazy. stay with uncle providing it’s a healthy atmosphere. stepdad is insecure and you will never be treated as an equal there.	nta why does this sound like the plot to cinderella? evil step-dad with an evil step brother and sister. glad you got out of that situation and hope you can stay out if that situation. i'm sorry about what happened to your gift	nta. your ("immediate") family sounds like they are all emotional leeches. i can't believe that your mom just allowed her husband and his kids to push you around like this, so badly that you felt like you couldn't live there anymore. i'm glad that your uncle and the rest of your family are decent people.	nta your stepdad and step siblings all sound awful. your mom is worse. you have almost nothing of your dads because her new husband doesn’t want any reminders of him around? that is complete bs. that alone should have been a deal breaker for her and should have kept her from marrying him in the first place. allowing him to lock you out of your own bedroom is another thing she never should have allowed to happen. your stepsister getting in trouble for breaking your gift is the only thing either your mom or stepdad did that was right out of everything you said. your mom’s family is mad at her for good reason. it isn’t your fault they are mad at her, it is her fault and only her fault. they are mad at her because she is choosing to fail to do her job as your parent. stay with your uncle as long as necessary. there is no need to go back to your mom and stepdad’s house as long as they are going to treat you as they have been when you have a safe and healthy alternative with your uncle.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i f16 live with my mom, step dad, and stepsister (18) and stepbrother(20). i lost my dad to cancer when i was 13 years old. we were very close and his death was a major loss in my life. i wasn't able to keep much of his belongings because of my stepdad's insecurities and lack of sympathy and respect for me and my dad. it's sad to say that mom moved on relatively fast. my stepsister and i share a room together (my step brother has the bigger room because he's a "man") and as a result me and my stepsister are always in conflict. she wants me out during the day as she uses the room as her art studio. she recently accused me of stealing her tools and convinced her dad to get a lock so now i'm being forcefully locked out and can't get in til after a huge argument and getting mom involved. my stepsister had an argument with her brother and ruined his gaming console when he was out. he came into the room quietly in the evening. stood by the door and asked me to bring him my stepsister's acrylic paintset. i asked if he got permission he said yes so i gave it to him and went back to study. at dinner, my step sister came downstairs yelling that her brother had access to her room and ruined her paintset. there was a lot of yelling and arguing. step dad asked how my step brother walked into the room when it was supposed to be locked. my step brother "admitted" i helped him out and brought the paintset to hi. my stepsister went off on me, called an accomplice then ran upstairs and took the gift i prepared for my dad for father's day. (i picked up flowers i planted from our small garden that i take care of by myself. and prepared a nice wooden letter shaped pot ~used my dad's first initial~ and filled it with the flowers i picked and decorated it with ribbons. it wasn't that good but it was like a floral letter. i planned to visit his grave and put the gift there) she damaged it to pieces. it was completely ruined. i yelled at her and kept crying. mom and stepdad gave her harsh punishment and thought it was fixable but i was so done i called my uncle who came and berated my mom and stepdad. stepdad offered to fix it and punish my stepdaughter harder but i packed my things to go with my uncle. my mom begged me to stay but i refused and didn't respond when she kept calling saying she did nothing to deserve to be shunned by me and my uncle who told the family about what happened. the family told mom not to come visit on father's day and are angry with her because i moved out over this. aita?. [/INST] nta. your mom failed you, she failed to take your feelings into account after your dad died, failed to stand up to her husband when he failed to respect you and your dad, failed to protect you from his daughter and her unreasonable demands. the only thing both of them did right was punishing your stepsister for destroying the father's day gift you made. that isn't enough to make up for all of the other crap. if you stayed i think your stepsister would have found some way to punish you for her getting in trouble for destroying the gift you made. stay away if you can. yes, your mother deserves to be in trouble with the rest of the family for everything that has happened to you. </s>
AITA for removing my birth control without consulting my husband first	sounds bad, but going to preface this by saying i’m not tryna get pregnant without my husbands consent i went to the doctor yesterday because i’ve been super emotional and my body has been out of whack and my doctor was basically like “we gotta get this implant out of you” (i had nexplanon, the implant in your arm) and i decided to give my body a break from hormones and to use condoms/ other methods for the time being because i don’t want to conceive. i call my husband and tell him and he’s like “oh ok did you get on the pill?” and i said no, i didn’t want to be on hormones anymore and he flipped out and said i need to be on birth control because it’s the best way to not get pregnant but like, there are things he can do to not get me pregnant but now his whole family and him are convinced i’m like trying to get pregnant without his consent. should i have called and discussed this with him since it effects him too (as in he has to wear a condom)	20,751	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cr5dka/aita_for_removing_my_birth_control_without/	2019-08-16 12:00:55	nta he should wear a damn condom and not be so selfish. also lolol at your husband telling his entire family about your sex life. he sounds selfish & entitled (sorry)	nta him having to wear condoms(which admittedly feel like shit) is in no way comparable to you taking hormones that fuck up your body and mind. i dated a woman once and once she went on birth control (depo) it totally changed her personality and we didn't even like eachother any more. those hormones are no joke	if you were trying to get pregnant without his concent and that's a concern, he could always not have sex with you. you told him, how does anyone think you're trying to trap him? nta. your medical decisions are, ultimately, yours. you're not forcing him to have sex with you, with or without a condom.	nta, also why is his whole family involved?	nta, you didn’t do this for no reason, this was a medical decision strongly suggested by a medical professional. your husband and in-laws need to chill the fuck out. i think this comes down to a more fundamental issue about the onus of birth control, and the attitudes about it are a bit of a pet peeve of mine. there is a large number of men who vehemently do not want to have kids but still consider birth control to be “her responsibility.” what we really need is a male birth control, but i don’t even think that would work because of some subconscious fear in insecure men that it would affect their virility. if he doesn’t like it, he can get a vasectomy. hormones are not innocuous and often come with some impact on health, and there is some latent sexism in the attitude that it’s a women’s responsibility to take that burden entirely on herself and her body. he can put some skin in the game or he can use a condom. in general, men need to start taking some responsibility. obviously this doesn’t apply to every man, but it’s an obnoxious trend.	nta: the fact that your husband cared more about not having to wear a condom than he did about the what the hormones were doing to you body is very telling. that and the fact the he expects the birth control in your relationship to be 100% up to you.	nta, your health absolutely comes first. your husband is ta here. he would rather see you suffer and get ill because of hormonal birth control than just wear a damn condom? what a jerk.	nta. your husband immediately told his "whole family" that your doctor removed your implant? not cool.	nta. tell your husband to get over himself. he has to go through the minor inconvenience of using a condom during sex whilst your emotional state was interfering with your life. consent doesn't just refer to the act of sex - it's completely your choice about the things you do outside of actual intercourse that are to do with sex, as well. how you have sex is on your terms and whilst your husband can have opinions about it, he's not entitled to insist or get angry about things you've done...especially when they are for a good reason. also his family clearly are thick if they think you're trying to get pregnant when you've brought in condoms as an alternative preventative measure.	nta - you're husband has no right to be mad because: its your body. the birthcontrol causes you health issues. i don't see why he isn't considerate if the hormones fuck up your body. sex shouldn't be so important in a relationship that you have to fuck up your body for it	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sounds bad, but going to preface this by saying i’m not tryna get pregnant without my husbands consent i went to the doctor yesterday because i’ve been super emotional and my body has been out of whack and my doctor was basically like “we gotta get this implant out of you” (i had nexplanon, the implant in your arm) and i decided to give my body a break from hormones and to use condoms/ other methods for the time being because i don’t want to conceive. i call my husband and tell him and he’s like “oh ok did you get on the pill?” and i said no, i didn’t want to be on hormones anymore and he flipped out and said i need to be on birth control because it’s the best way to not get pregnant but like, there are things he can do to not get me pregnant but now his whole family and him are convinced i’m like trying to get pregnant without his consent. should i have called and discussed this with him since it effects him too (as in he has to wear a condom)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> sounds bad, but going to preface this by saying i’m not tryna get pregnant without my husbands consent i went to the doctor yesterday because i’ve been super emotional and my body has been out of whack and my doctor was basically like “we gotta get this implant out of you” (i had nexplanon, the implant in your arm) and i decided to give my body a break from hormones and to use condoms/ other methods for the time being because i don’t want to conceive. i call my husband and tell him and he’s like “oh ok did you get on the pill?” and i said no, i didn’t want to be on hormones anymore and he flipped out and said i need to be on birth control because it’s the best way to not get pregnant but like, there are things he can do to not get me pregnant but now his whole family and him are convinced i’m like trying to get pregnant without his consent. should i have called and discussed this with him since it effects him too (as in he has to wear a condom) [/INST] nta he should wear a damn condom and not be so selfish. also lolol at your husband telling his entire family about your sex life. he sounds selfish & entitled (sorry) </s>
AITA for not letting my baby daddy's fiancé name our baby?	my baby daddy jasper (25m) and i(27f) had a ons, i'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. there was no cheating, but that's not important for the story. jasper's fiancé, maddy (23f) lost their first child a year a year ago, i can't imagine going trough child-loss and i've been trying to be accommodating to her, but i've set a few rules: 1. she can't treat me as a surrogate because i'm not. this is jasper and i's kid. she'll be the step-mom, not the adoptive-mom. 2. she can't be in the delivery room, i'm only allowed to have two people there and i chose to had jasper and my mom. she argued and she really tried to push it, she wanted me to haver her a jasper, i said no. she wanted me to have her and my mom then, i said no. i was clear that even if jasper wasn't in the room with me, she wouldn't be allowed either way because i'm not comfortable. 3. she can't take big decisions for our kid on her own, she can suggest and she can ask. but she can't take them unless is an emergency. aside from that, we're all aware that this situation is not common and we will have to learn along the way, a few days ago we three went out to have dinner and jasper asked if i had given any thought into our kids name, i said yes and gave him a list, i told them they can add some names to it and then we three could discuss them and chose one, maddy told me she wanted to give them her dad's name as a middle name since it was special to her, ill be honest, i don't like the idea because a family name (and a father's one) seems very personal, also i didn't liked it that she behaved like the decision was set since that's not our deal. jasper didn't seemed that fond of the idea either so i told her that, while we could consider it and think about it, i wasn't sure. maddy got quite pissy and said that it wasn't fair that she wasn't allow to have or say anything without passing it through the ''mom police'' because this was her child too. she can't be in the delivery room, she won't gave birth to them or have any legal rights and the least i could do is let her have the middle name. jasper tried to argue with her but maddy refused, took her things and left us there. we stayed back for a while and he apologized for her before taking me back to my house. my mom says that she understands maddy's pov, i'm having a child with her man after losing her own baby and she's not allowed to do anything without me or jasper saying yes first and that maybe i should let her have it since middle's name doesn't matter anymore. i still don't entertain the idea but i want to ask anyway. i'll be happy to give more info if someone need it.	18,239	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgh8th/aita_for_not_letting_my_baby_daddys_fiancé_name/	2022-03-17 18:47:00	nta you should probably consult with a family lawyer because this woman is going to try and steal your baby	nta and may i say, what the actual fuck.	buckle up for the next 18 years.	[deleted]	nta. i am sorry that the woman lost a child, but this is your child. its all 100% yours. she will be the step-mom. she will have a special place in your child's life, but the honor of naming your child is not in that role. the major decisions are yours and she needs to completely understand that, or there will definitely be more problems.	man idk....yikes. this mess is above reddit's paygrade.	you might want to start saving for your kid’s therapy now. being born into a situation like this is just going to mess them up forever. and poor maddy has to see you live the life she wanted.	nta but i’m genuinely curious: why did you decide to keep the pregnancy? this all seems like a huge issue now. imho it was inevitably going to cause problems with the dad and fiancée. i see a lot of subs that talk about accidentally getting pregnant, then dealing with the consequences after the kid is born.	i’m not sure how to vote on this honestly. i was totally on your side until you said that this was a threesome. it’s not like they had a rough patch, you slept with him and now it’s between you and him. you had sex with both of them. it makes me uncomfortable that you’d see the baby that resulted from it as being just yours and jasper’s because he happens to be the one who makes semen. it’s not like this resulted from a situation that was just between you and him, it resulted from a situation between all three of you.	nta - you need to get a lawyer on board sooner rather than later. explain the situation and ask what you can do in advance of the birth to make sure you remain in control the situation. it seems like for now jasper is being reasonable and knows that maddy is getting out of line, but that may change over time if she wears him down - then it will be two against one. hope for the best, plan for the worst.	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my baby daddy jasper (25m) and i(27f) had a ons, i'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. there was no cheating, but that's not important for the story. jasper's fiancé, maddy (23f) lost their first child a year a year ago, i can't imagine going trough child-loss and i've been trying to be accommodating to her, but i've set a few rules: 1. she can't treat me as a surrogate because i'm not. this is jasper and i's kid. she'll be the step-mom, not the adoptive-mom. 2. she can't be in the delivery room, i'm only allowed to have two people there and i chose to had jasper and my mom. she argued and she really tried to push it, she wanted me to haver her a jasper, i said no. she wanted me to have her and my mom then, i said no. i was clear that even if jasper wasn't in the room with me, she wouldn't be allowed either way because i'm not comfortable. 3. she can't take big decisions for our kid on her own, she can suggest and she can ask. but she can't take them unless is an emergency. aside from that, we're all aware that this situation is not common and we will have to learn along the way, a few days ago we three went out to have dinner and jasper asked if i had given any thought into our kids name, i said yes and gave him a list, i told them they can add some names to it and then we three could discuss them and chose one, maddy told me she wanted to give them her dad's name as a middle name since it was special to her, ill be honest, i don't like the idea because a family name (and a father's one) seems very personal, also i didn't liked it that she behaved like the decision was set since that's not our deal. jasper didn't seemed that fond of the idea either so i told her that, while we could consider it and think about it, i wasn't sure. maddy got quite pissy and said that it wasn't fair that she wasn't allow to have or say anything without passing it through the ''mom police'' because this was her child too. she can't be in the delivery room, she won't gave birth to them or have any legal rights and the least i could do is let her have the middle name. jasper tried to argue with her but maddy refused, took her things and left us there. we stayed back for a while and he apologized for her before taking me back to my house. my mom says that she understands maddy's pov, i'm having a child with her man after losing her own baby and she's not allowed to do anything without me or jasper saying yes first and that maybe i should let her have it since middle's name doesn't matter anymore. i still don't entertain the idea but i want to ask anyway. i'll be happy to give more info if someone need it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my baby daddy jasper (25m) and i(27f) had a ons, i'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. there was no cheating, but that's not important for the story. jasper's fiancé, maddy (23f) lost their first child a year a year ago, i can't imagine going trough child-loss and i've been trying to be accommodating to her, but i've set a few rules: 1. she can't treat me as a surrogate because i'm not. this is jasper and i's kid. she'll be the step-mom, not the adoptive-mom. 2. she can't be in the delivery room, i'm only allowed to have two people there and i chose to had jasper and my mom. she argued and she really tried to push it, she wanted me to haver her a jasper, i said no. she wanted me to have her and my mom then, i said no. i was clear that even if jasper wasn't in the room with me, she wouldn't be allowed either way because i'm not comfortable. 3. she can't take big decisions for our kid on her own, she can suggest and she can ask. but she can't take them unless is an emergency. aside from that, we're all aware that this situation is not common and we will have to learn along the way, a few days ago we three went out to have dinner and jasper asked if i had given any thought into our kids name, i said yes and gave him a list, i told them they can add some names to it and then we three could discuss them and chose one, maddy told me she wanted to give them her dad's name as a middle name since it was special to her, ill be honest, i don't like the idea because a family name (and a father's one) seems very personal, also i didn't liked it that she behaved like the decision was set since that's not our deal. jasper didn't seemed that fond of the idea either so i told her that, while we could consider it and think about it, i wasn't sure. maddy got quite pissy and said that it wasn't fair that she wasn't allow to have or say anything without passing it through the ''mom police'' because this was her child too. she can't be in the delivery room, she won't gave birth to them or have any legal rights and the least i could do is let her have the middle name. jasper tried to argue with her but maddy refused, took her things and left us there. we stayed back for a while and he apologized for her before taking me back to my house. my mom says that she understands maddy's pov, i'm having a child with her man after losing her own baby and she's not allowed to do anything without me or jasper saying yes first and that maybe i should let her have it since middle's name doesn't matter anymore. i still don't entertain the idea but i want to ask anyway. i'll be happy to give more info if someone need it. [/INST] nta you should probably consult with a family lawyer because this woman is going to try and steal your baby </s>
AITA for telling this mom the truth about why her son wasn't invited to a sleepover party?	my son just turned 10, and for his birthday wanted to do a superhero slumber party. we did something similar the last two years (not for his 9th birthday for obvious reasons), and they all had a blast. the party started around 3:00, we did pizza, movies, popcorn and designed superhero masks. my son is/was friends with a boy named james from his class. he came to the last two sleepover parties, and while well behaved, it was his parents who i felt were the problem. when we send out the invites, we tell the parents when the party is and what time to pick the kids up the next day. for the last two parties, james was always the last one to be picked up. for his 8th birthday, we specifically stated that all kiddos should be picked up by 11:00am. we had plans to go to my in laws for his birthday party, which was on his actual birthday. we had five boys (including our son) at the party, and three of them were picked up by 11:00am. at 11:30, i texted james' mom and asked if she was coming to get him, she said she was on her way. i assumed she ran an errand and was just running behind, no big deal. by 12:30, she hadn't shown up, i texted her again and i reminded her that we had somewhere to be and she needed to get here as soon as possible. she responded that she was eating lunch and would be there soon. by 2:00pm i texted her again and let her know that she needs to pick up her son asap, that we were getting ready to leave in an hour and her son was not invited to come with us. i had assumed that would prompt her to come get him. by 4:00pm my husband left with our kids to my in laws, and i called james' mother. i left her a voicemail and told her that if she was not at my house in thirty minutes to pick up her son, i was calling the police to inform them that he was an abandoned child. she showed up within fifteen minutes to get him. she made a half-assed apology about how she was busy with errands and running her other children to their activities. today i received a text message from her about why james was not invited to the sleepover party. apparently one of the other moms was talking about how much fun the kids had at the party, and she wanted to know why her son was not invited. so i told her the truth, that her son was not invited because i was not sure if she would come get him in a timely manner and without disrupting our plans for the rest of the day. i explained that any time her son is at my house, she is always late to pick him up and i was tired of catering to her schedule. she called me an uppity b\\ch, and has since blocked me on social media and her phone. aita for telling her why her son was not invited? post	19,076	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nufvk9/aita_for_telling_this_mom_the_truth_about_why_her/	2021-06-07 15:52:42	nta. you gave her the honest reason based on experience. instead of saying "you're right, i'm so sorry. i don't mean to have my child punished for my behavior, so could you please give him/me another chance?" she responded with profanity and blocked you? that's a good way to ensure the poor kid will never be invited again - and no doubt other parents feel the same way.	nta- this mom sucks (to put it mildly). and i feel sorry for her kid. she was using you for free daycare and doesn’t care enough about her kid. it’s weird how she was able to pick up her kid in 15 minutes once the threats got real.	nta it sucks that her kid has to pay the price, but picking up your kid 5 hours after the agreed upon time is bullshit. she was 100% using you as a babysitter and was enjoying her day minus james.	nta but you better explain the situation to other parents before she has a chance to spin the narrative. she 100% is going to gossip about you and paint you in the worst light possible.	this is a hard one. i don't like that james was punished for his mother's behavior. but his mother's behavior was so egregious that i have to admit that you're nta. 30 minutes or an hour is one thing. i'd say you were overreacting. but over 5 hours late? and obviously lying to you the whole time? obviously you can't be expected to deal with that kind of nonsense.	nta - if it was known they were suppose to get picked up at 11 and she showed up at 4, that’s 5hrs. that’s not a “i was running late doing errands”. that’s an “i wanted a free babysitter.”	nta - i had a friend as a kid who’s mom was the same. she was banned from our house/ parties after her mom ‘forgot’ to pick her up from a party i had at a bowling alley, it was shutting so we had to leave and we couldn’t get hold of her parents so we took her back to our house and left a message to say we had. her mom said we kidnapped her.	nta the minute james' mom said she was "eating lunch" 3 hours after she eas supposed to be there, that's when it was decided for me.	nta, there is a difference between rubbing late which is maybe 30-60 minutes at most, not 5 hours. she didn't forget, she was using you as free babysitting so she could have fun. also you mentioned your son didn't have them on a list of people they wanted to invite, that isn't your problem.	nta at all. she's lucky you didn't call the police to report her kid as abandoned by 1pm the last time, holy cow.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son just turned 10, and for his birthday wanted to do a superhero slumber party. we did something similar the last two years (not for his 9th birthday for obvious reasons), and they all had a blast. the party started around 3:00, we did pizza, movies, popcorn and designed superhero masks. my son is/was friends with a boy named james from his class. he came to the last two sleepover parties, and while well behaved, it was his parents who i felt were the problem. when we send out the invites, we tell the parents when the party is and what time to pick the kids up the next day. for the last two parties, james was always the last one to be picked up. for his 8th birthday, we specifically stated that all kiddos should be picked up by 11:00am. we had plans to go to my in laws for his birthday party, which was on his actual birthday. we had five boys (including our son) at the party, and three of them were picked up by 11:00am. at 11:30, i texted james' mom and asked if she was coming to get him, she said she was on her way. i assumed she ran an errand and was just running behind, no big deal. by 12:30, she hadn't shown up, i texted her again and i reminded her that we had somewhere to be and she needed to get here as soon as possible. she responded that she was eating lunch and would be there soon. by 2:00pm i texted her again and let her know that she needs to pick up her son asap, that we were getting ready to leave in an hour and her son was not invited to come with us. i had assumed that would prompt her to come get him. by 4:00pm my husband left with our kids to my in laws, and i called james' mother. i left her a voicemail and told her that if she was not at my house in thirty minutes to pick up her son, i was calling the police to inform them that he was an abandoned child. she showed up within fifteen minutes to get him. she made a half-assed apology about how she was busy with errands and running her other children to their activities. today i received a text message from her about why james was not invited to the sleepover party. apparently one of the other moms was talking about how much fun the kids had at the party, and she wanted to know why her son was not invited. so i told her the truth, that her son was not invited because i was not sure if she would come get him in a timely manner and without disrupting our plans for the rest of the day. i explained that any time her son is at my house, she is always late to pick him up and i was tired of catering to her schedule. she called me an uppity b\\ch, and has since blocked me on social media and her phone. aita for telling her why her son was not invited? post	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son just turned 10, and for his birthday wanted to do a superhero slumber party. we did something similar the last two years (not for his 9th birthday for obvious reasons), and they all had a blast. the party started around 3:00, we did pizza, movies, popcorn and designed superhero masks. my son is/was friends with a boy named james from his class. he came to the last two sleepover parties, and while well behaved, it was his parents who i felt were the problem. when we send out the invites, we tell the parents when the party is and what time to pick the kids up the next day. for the last two parties, james was always the last one to be picked up. for his 8th birthday, we specifically stated that all kiddos should be picked up by 11:00am. we had plans to go to my in laws for his birthday party, which was on his actual birthday. we had five boys (including our son) at the party, and three of them were picked up by 11:00am. at 11:30, i texted james' mom and asked if she was coming to get him, she said she was on her way. i assumed she ran an errand and was just running behind, no big deal. by 12:30, she hadn't shown up, i texted her again and i reminded her that we had somewhere to be and she needed to get here as soon as possible. she responded that she was eating lunch and would be there soon. by 2:00pm i texted her again and let her know that she needs to pick up her son asap, that we were getting ready to leave in an hour and her son was not invited to come with us. i had assumed that would prompt her to come get him. by 4:00pm my husband left with our kids to my in laws, and i called james' mother. i left her a voicemail and told her that if she was not at my house in thirty minutes to pick up her son, i was calling the police to inform them that he was an abandoned child. she showed up within fifteen minutes to get him. she made a half-assed apology about how she was busy with errands and running her other children to their activities. today i received a text message from her about why james was not invited to the sleepover party. apparently one of the other moms was talking about how much fun the kids had at the party, and she wanted to know why her son was not invited. so i told her the truth, that her son was not invited because i was not sure if she would come get him in a timely manner and without disrupting our plans for the rest of the day. i explained that any time her son is at my house, she is always late to pick him up and i was tired of catering to her schedule. she called me an uppity b\\ch, and has since blocked me on social media and her phone. aita for telling her why her son was not invited? post [/INST] nta. you gave her the honest reason based on experience. instead of saying "you're right, i'm so sorry. i don't mean to have my child punished for my behavior, so could you please give him/me another chance?" she responded with profanity and blocked you? that's a good way to ensure the poor kid will never be invited again - and no doubt other parents feel the same way. </s>
AITA for using my husband's car to get to work after he tricked me into going to his family's BBQ party?	i (f33) am a nurse, i have a very very busy schedule. it's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years. my husband (m36) works an office job and because he's a family-oriented type of guy, he always hangs put with his family. his family live on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. it's a hassle to go there and due to my work nature, i don't go to most of their functions, i do however make sure to attend the big ones. last week, his family wanted to host a bbq party. he wanted me to go with him so badly since all his brothers were bringing their wifes and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past. i said sorry but i had a shift to cover. he begged, suggested i swap shifts with other nurses who are my friends and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. i grew irritated and told him to stop it. he sulked for a whole day then dropped it. in the morning, and hours before my shift i discovered that my car's tires were out of air. my husband offered to drive me to the hospital at 4pm and i agreed. i got ready and we got in the car but instead of taking me to the hospital, he drove me straight to his family's ranch. i was dumbfounded and angry after he said he tricked me into attending this bbq and that i had to suck it up and set this shift out. i was so mad i didn't know what to say. we got to the ranch and i sat outside fuming. i waited and saw i still had time to make it to the hospital if i figured out a way to get there. i watched my husband go inside leaving his keychain next to me (right where he was sitting) i took it and rushed to the back where all cars were parked, got into the car and drove off. his dad saw me and told him. he started calling my phone relentlessly til i turned it off. i got to the hospital in time but didn't dare turn my phone on til it was past 8 pm. i opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him berating me calling me horrible and a manipulator. i got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt i pulled and bailing from the party and making him look bad infront of his family. he then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me and that he won't ever trust me afteri basically stole his car and ran with it. we've been on terrible terms since then. his family are also mad but i haven't spoken to them about it yet nor calcified anything. aita for what i did? i was desperate and worried that messing my shift might cost me my job.	20,430	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vqfl6v/aita_for_using_my_husbands_car_to_get_to_work/	2022-07-03 11:31:36	nta you do know that he was the one that fucked with your tires right?	nta i'm sorry, he called you manipulative?! the person that lied to your face to get you to do what he wants to do. on top of this, he prioritisies his leisure time over your career. don't you dare apologise to him. feel free to leave him.	nta your husband could have cost you your job, gaslighted you, lied to you, kidnapped you. you need to leave him.	nta - i mean, we are pretty sure he deflated your tires as part of the sneaky plan to get you to his family’s bbq, right? and he’s calling you the manipulator? this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all.	is this real?? nta he committed felonies by vandalizing your car and kidnapping you. you grabbed his keys and ran.... because you knew if he saw you try to leave he wouldn't let you go. your husband and his family are horrible for even attempting that. you shouldn't stay in this relationship.	wtf? girl your husband kidnapped you after disabling your car so you couldn’t get away. nta. he has serious issues. be careful he doesn’t start chaining you up. run while you still can.	nta. what did he think would happen? you'd be fine with his trick? what about you just not showing up for your shift, did he care about how that would affect multiple people? he deserved what he got imo.	nta. your husband has serious control issues. nursing is an extremely important, challenging, and exhausting job. you made a commitment to be there and he apparently doesn't understand the importance of keeping commitments.	nta you should get a lawyer and start separating your finances. what your husband did was low and incredibly deceitful. he risked your position at your place of employment for a stupid bbq that you already said you couldn’t attend because of how he comes off to his family. no.	i'm sorry im sure ill get down voted into oblivion. i'm a nurse too and you both suck. esh. he shouldn't have kidnapped you, that is very controlling and uncaring of you're time but you made no attempt to attend an event that was obviously important to him. are you one of those nurses that pick up extra all the time? you said shift to cover. nurses work 3 twelve usually. is it different where you work? cause that is plenty of time to attend more family events with him if you're not picking up too many extra days like you're the only nurse that can save everyone. i know there's a shortage. but you can still say no. it sounds like you'd rather work than be with your husband or family so if that's the case why are you still together and was he doing this out of desperation for your attention or has he always been an inconsiderate jerk? either way why do you stay? how far away is his family's place? you said it's a hassle to get too but you were able to get there and back in time for work starting at 4pm. do you not like his family? do you not like him? i know people are siding with you because your husband overstepped in a weird controlling way which is why he also sucks, but i've known plenty of nurses that just work work work like staffing the hospital is solely their responsibility. if it's harming your marriage and home life you need to take a step back. if work is more important to you then you need to reevaluate your relationship.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f33) am a nurse, i have a very very busy schedule. it's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years. my husband (m36) works an office job and because he's a family-oriented type of guy, he always hangs put with his family. his family live on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. it's a hassle to go there and due to my work nature, i don't go to most of their functions, i do however make sure to attend the big ones. last week, his family wanted to host a bbq party. he wanted me to go with him so badly since all his brothers were bringing their wifes and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past. i said sorry but i had a shift to cover. he begged, suggested i swap shifts with other nurses who are my friends and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. i grew irritated and told him to stop it. he sulked for a whole day then dropped it. in the morning, and hours before my shift i discovered that my car's tires were out of air. my husband offered to drive me to the hospital at 4pm and i agreed. i got ready and we got in the car but instead of taking me to the hospital, he drove me straight to his family's ranch. i was dumbfounded and angry after he said he tricked me into attending this bbq and that i had to suck it up and set this shift out. i was so mad i didn't know what to say. we got to the ranch and i sat outside fuming. i waited and saw i still had time to make it to the hospital if i figured out a way to get there. i watched my husband go inside leaving his keychain next to me (right where he was sitting) i took it and rushed to the back where all cars were parked, got into the car and drove off. his dad saw me and told him. he started calling my phone relentlessly til i turned it off. i got to the hospital in time but didn't dare turn my phone on til it was past 8 pm. i opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him berating me calling me horrible and a manipulator. i got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt i pulled and bailing from the party and making him look bad infront of his family. he then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me and that he won't ever trust me afteri basically stole his car and ran with it. we've been on terrible terms since then. his family are also mad but i haven't spoken to them about it yet nor calcified anything. aita for what i did? i was desperate and worried that messing my shift might cost me my job.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f33) am a nurse, i have a very very busy schedule. it's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years. my husband (m36) works an office job and because he's a family-oriented type of guy, he always hangs put with his family. his family live on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. it's a hassle to go there and due to my work nature, i don't go to most of their functions, i do however make sure to attend the big ones. last week, his family wanted to host a bbq party. he wanted me to go with him so badly since all his brothers were bringing their wifes and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past. i said sorry but i had a shift to cover. he begged, suggested i swap shifts with other nurses who are my friends and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. i grew irritated and told him to stop it. he sulked for a whole day then dropped it. in the morning, and hours before my shift i discovered that my car's tires were out of air. my husband offered to drive me to the hospital at 4pm and i agreed. i got ready and we got in the car but instead of taking me to the hospital, he drove me straight to his family's ranch. i was dumbfounded and angry after he said he tricked me into attending this bbq and that i had to suck it up and set this shift out. i was so mad i didn't know what to say. we got to the ranch and i sat outside fuming. i waited and saw i still had time to make it to the hospital if i figured out a way to get there. i watched my husband go inside leaving his keychain next to me (right where he was sitting) i took it and rushed to the back where all cars were parked, got into the car and drove off. his dad saw me and told him. he started calling my phone relentlessly til i turned it off. i got to the hospital in time but didn't dare turn my phone on til it was past 8 pm. i opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him berating me calling me horrible and a manipulator. i got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt i pulled and bailing from the party and making him look bad infront of his family. he then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me and that he won't ever trust me afteri basically stole his car and ran with it. we've been on terrible terms since then. his family are also mad but i haven't spoken to them about it yet nor calcified anything. aita for what i did? i was desperate and worried that messing my shift might cost me my job. [/INST] nta you do know that he was the one that fucked with your tires right? </s>
AITA because I don't believe I should have to clean the whole kitchen when I do dishes?	i moved in with my girlfriend about a year ago, and before then i lived with some roommates. before then i lived with my mom and dad. when my gf and i moved in we discussed splitting the chores between each other. to be honest i don't see the point in half the chores and feel like since i don't really care if the recycling gets taken out twice a week i shouldn't have to do it. but whatever. the big argument is that i don't do 'enough' around the house and just do the 'bare minimum' and my gf thinks it's some big, telling problem. for example she cooks, i do the dishes. but apparently i'm supposed to clean down the counters and walls and put stuff back and sweep the floor every time i do dishes. she got mad at me because i wiped around stuff on the counter and just "pushed the dirt behind the coffee maker" which yeah so what? then it's like "you didn't wipe down the stove" well no, the stove is not "the dishes" and who cares if there's a few splashes of food on it? then it's like "you took the trash out... but not the recycling that was full?" yeah because the trash smelled bad and the recycling doesn't. then "you took the clothes out the dryer but didn't fold them or put them away?" yeah because i can find my clothes when i want to. its her that has to color coordinate and put stuff away and hang it up. this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and i feel like i'm constantly being told the way i do things is wrong, the way she does it is right, etc etc. i think it matters more that i constantly feel like shit because these expectations are ridiculous. i'm 32 and i can't just put my clothes in a pile on the dresser because my girlfriend will get mad at me. wtf. anyway this past weekend we got into a big fight about it and she told me that i needed to grow up and learn how to clean up after myself and that she's tired of living like she's in a slob house. i told her that it's not my fault she's up her own ass about keeping things "clean" and orderly. aita? i think this is ridiculous.	3,818	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/euoks9/aita_because_i_dont_believe_i_should_have_to/	2020-01-27 14:26:55	yta. you do things half-assed. you should see it as "she cooks, you clean" not just "do the dishes." pushing crumbs behind the coffeemaker is gross. where do you think they go? they don't just magically disappear! and food splashes on the stove are gross. clean them. it's much easier to clean when fresh and not dried and stuck on. you are 32 years old and need to grow up. put your clothes away, not just in a pile like you're 7 and waiting for mommy to do it. she doesn't want to live in a slovenly house.	yta. do you want a mother or a girlfriend?? you're 32 you should realize by now you cant just push dirt behind stuff and call it a day. you both live there and you need to participate in household responsibilities as an equal partner. you're basically saying just because you're fine with being a dirty slob everyone else should be too, when in reality you behaving that way just means someone else has to clean up after you. start pulling your weight around the house dude, she shouldn't have to ask you to actually clean things or take out the recycling when its it's full.	> i'm 32 and i can't just put my clothes in a pile on the dresser because my girlfriend will get mad at me. wtf. wtf indeed-- this post sounds like it was written by a teenager. your gf's expectation aren't unreasonable. you're a grown man who is half-assing chores because of sheer laziness. yta.	yta. she's right. time to grow up and pull your weight. do the chores properly and if anything else needs doing then do it.	> i think it matters more that i constantly feel like shit good. because yta. you're lazy and immature > i feel like i'm constantly being told the way i do things is wrong no, by the description of your examples, you don't do things at all, you just half-ass them. &#x200b; it might be a miracle she hasn't dumped you yet	yta. why do you think you are not equally responsible for taking care of your home? and yes. when one cooks and the other cleans up after the meal it includes wiping any spills up on the cooker, tidying stuff away etc. she's not your mam. you want this relationship to last? stop acting like a petulant teen and pull your weight in the home. you pushed dirt behind the coffee maker? and you are 32 years old ? in all honesty, you sound like a sulky teenager. that's how they talk. huff huff sulk sulk you're so meeeeeeean it's not fair... https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp	yta, without a doubt. your entire attitude is shitty and quite frankly you come off as an entitled spoiled brat. if you can’t handle the responsibilities inherent in living with a significant other then you should probably move back home where mommy can do everything for you.	[removed]	yta you're girlfriend is correct. you are doing half of each job.	yta dude you’re half assing jobs. you sound like a 19 year old not a 32 year old.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i moved in with my girlfriend about a year ago, and before then i lived with some roommates. before then i lived with my mom and dad. when my gf and i moved in we discussed splitting the chores between each other. to be honest i don't see the point in half the chores and feel like since i don't really care if the recycling gets taken out twice a week i shouldn't have to do it. but whatever. the big argument is that i don't do 'enough' around the house and just do the 'bare minimum' and my gf thinks it's some big, telling problem. for example she cooks, i do the dishes. but apparently i'm supposed to clean down the counters and walls and put stuff back and sweep the floor every time i do dishes. she got mad at me because i wiped around stuff on the counter and just "pushed the dirt behind the coffee maker" which yeah so what? then it's like "you didn't wipe down the stove" well no, the stove is not "the dishes" and who cares if there's a few splashes of food on it? then it's like "you took the trash out... but not the recycling that was full?" yeah because the trash smelled bad and the recycling doesn't. then "you took the clothes out the dryer but didn't fold them or put them away?" yeah because i can find my clothes when i want to. its her that has to color coordinate and put stuff away and hang it up. this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and i feel like i'm constantly being told the way i do things is wrong, the way she does it is right, etc etc. i think it matters more that i constantly feel like shit because these expectations are ridiculous. i'm 32 and i can't just put my clothes in a pile on the dresser because my girlfriend will get mad at me. wtf. anyway this past weekend we got into a big fight about it and she told me that i needed to grow up and learn how to clean up after myself and that she's tired of living like she's in a slob house. i told her that it's not my fault she's up her own ass about keeping things "clean" and orderly. aita? i think this is ridiculous.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i moved in with my girlfriend about a year ago, and before then i lived with some roommates. before then i lived with my mom and dad. when my gf and i moved in we discussed splitting the chores between each other. to be honest i don't see the point in half the chores and feel like since i don't really care if the recycling gets taken out twice a week i shouldn't have to do it. but whatever. the big argument is that i don't do 'enough' around the house and just do the 'bare minimum' and my gf thinks it's some big, telling problem. for example she cooks, i do the dishes. but apparently i'm supposed to clean down the counters and walls and put stuff back and sweep the floor every time i do dishes. she got mad at me because i wiped around stuff on the counter and just "pushed the dirt behind the coffee maker" which yeah so what? then it's like "you didn't wipe down the stove" well no, the stove is not "the dishes" and who cares if there's a few splashes of food on it? then it's like "you took the trash out... but not the recycling that was full?" yeah because the trash smelled bad and the recycling doesn't. then "you took the clothes out the dryer but didn't fold them or put them away?" yeah because i can find my clothes when i want to. its her that has to color coordinate and put stuff away and hang it up. this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and i feel like i'm constantly being told the way i do things is wrong, the way she does it is right, etc etc. i think it matters more that i constantly feel like shit because these expectations are ridiculous. i'm 32 and i can't just put my clothes in a pile on the dresser because my girlfriend will get mad at me. wtf. anyway this past weekend we got into a big fight about it and she told me that i needed to grow up and learn how to clean up after myself and that she's tired of living like she's in a slob house. i told her that it's not my fault she's up her own ass about keeping things "clean" and orderly. aita? i think this is ridiculous. [/INST] yta. you do things half-assed. you should see it as "she cooks, you clean" not just "do the dishes." pushing crumbs behind the coffeemaker is gross. where do you think they go? they don't just magically disappear! and food splashes on the stove are gross. clean them. it's much easier to clean when fresh and not dried and stuck on. you are 32 years old and need to grow up. put your clothes away, not just in a pile like you're 7 and waiting for mommy to do it. she doesn't want to live in a slovenly house. </s>
AITA for making my late wife’s daughter move out so I can date in peace?	my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else.	10,527	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/khvmzl/aita_for_making_my_late_wifes_daughter_move_out/	2020-12-22 02:00:47	yta - wow, this is every dying parents’ nightmare.	nta - if i am reading this correctly, you and beth's mother were involved for years but did not marry it live together until she became ill. you were not a pivotal figure in beth's life. you don't consider her a daughter and you don't believe she considers your a father figure. when your deceased wife got ill, you and she married - in part so you could support her. she and beth moved into your home - that you already owned. about a year later, your wife passed away. beth was almost 18 at the time. after your wife passed away, and beth stayed living with you for the next year. you are now ready to date again - and it has been a year and beth resents this. you do not want beth to continue to live with you. you supported your wife when she needed you. you helped beth for over a year. you have done more than could have been reasonably been asked.	> final response: after this blew up overnight, even though the top comment says yta, it seems everyone who actually read all the details has affirmed my view. i feel much better about my decision. thank you everybody. you came to a subreddit seeking judgement, have received said judgement, and are now choosing to ignore your judgement because it isn't what you wanted to hear. yeah, that's not how it works. you can jam your fingers in your ears and scream "lalalala" all you want, but yta.	yta. she's not your late wife's daughter, she's your stepdaughter.	yta - it doesn’t sound like you’re being sensitive to the fact that she lost her mother. you don’t have to let her live with you, but you’ve also known her since she was 9, so i’m surprised she’s not like a daughter to you. it’s unfair for her to make you feel uncomfortable in your house but she’s relatively young and is probably hurt that you’d move on (quicker than her)	i'm going with nta, this sub is bloody wild and inconsistent. why is it ok for step-children (whose parents spouses have played an active role in their upbringing from an early age) to decide that person, is not their parent and they want nothing to do with them. yet when somebody who has not even played an active role in raising this child, didn't even live with them until they were 18 (an adult by many standards) decides they aren't going to deal with being treated like crap in their own home, people are trigger happy with y-t-a? just because this adult's mother died a year ago, op is now obligated to parent, house and feed an ungrateful adult?	what exactly was your relationship with your wife? the way you describe your relationship with her and beth, it feels like you just casually dated this woman until she got sick. your insistence that beth means essentially nothing to you is just sad. you're entitled to want to move on, but it seems like you ignored that beth lost her mom. she doesn't have anyone left, and she wants to hold on to the little stability it has. i'm not saying it excuses her behavior, but you aren't exactly in the clear here.	so you've made up your mind (which let's be honest, you did before you asked- you really just wanted validation). you know, some people (particularly very young people) lash out when they are hurt and/or grieving. she's hurt. she feels that you are trying to replace her mom. and you respond by throwing her out. during a pandemic. great that you're giving her five months, but is she equipped for that? as mentioned, there's a pandemic. maybe your response should be making sure that her emotional needs are being met. for starter, is she in therapy? i say yta but i think you should ask yourself if your ex-wife would think you're the asshole.	so...does beth have a place to go, or money to live on after you kick her out? if not, yta. you were with her mother 10 years. the least you could do would be to let her daughter have a place to rest her head until she graduates. if you don’t like the attitude set some boundaries but be decent, for god’s sake	yta what would your dead wife have to say about all of this?	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.164243	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my late wife passed away about a year ago. we were together 10 years but not married until she became sick about a year before that. she has a daughter beth who is 19 years old. beth is taking college classes but they are 100% online so she has stayed at “home” which is my house. i’ve owned this before my wife moved in so it was never technically shared. i’ve wanted to be supportive of beth but don’t want her here indefinitely or until she’s done with college. that’s 3 more years and it makes dating super awkward. i had a lady friend over after a dinner date last week and she was snarky towards her and later told me i’m moving on too fast. i tried to have an honest talk about being ready to move on and date others but she kept calling me an asshole. im just ready to move on with my life but her presence is making that difficult. i told her i want her to move out at the end of this next semester which would be the end of may, so 5 full months to find a place. she flipped out and told me i’m abandoning her “to get laid”. this isn’t really the case i just want to move on to my life and don’t want to live with a 19 year old any longer. she’s still mad at me and is making living in my own home awkward. but she claims she can’t afford to go anywhere else. [/INST] yta - wow, this is every dying parents’ nightmare. </s>
AITA for humiliating a man and his entire family when he proposed to me?	on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues. i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni. for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me. january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be. they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents. so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation. i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting. told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them. my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider. they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them.	25,135	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivbsso/aita_for_humiliating_a_man_and_his_entire_family/	2020-09-18 18:36:32	nta. but don't go back. in case they trap you	get on that plane and don’t go back. you have seen what they will do if you do. if, and i mean if you keep contact, get a wedding ring to wear. that they will see. it doesn’t have to be real or have a man attached to it, but if they see you are taken, they (may) not try another stunt like this. you are nta. they embarrassed themselves by underestimating your independence, strength and stubbornness. good for you :)	nta. this was a trap that they knew they were setting and you didn’t fall for it. it doesn’t sound like you owe these people anything and if they think they can use money to goat you into marriage the least they can do is write a check so you can burn it	how dare you?????!!?!?? nta. you’re kidding, right? you know there’s no way you’re the ah here. you probably also know you really couldn’t have done anything any better than you did. here’s what you don’t know: your story needs to be told. you made a whole bunch of really good decisions that a lot of girls in india (and other countries) don’t think they can make. they fall for all the traps that are set by the family pressure and the forced dependence. i don’t know, a youtube video or something? your story needs to get out there. it’s the 21st century, people are entitled to live their own lives.	nta! what they did to you was manipulative and so so controlling. it’s great that you are completely independent from them and i wouldn’t blame you for going complete no-contact. that culture is likely very ingrained in your family’s minds and lives, so much so that they won’t be likely to change their views anytime soon. i don’t think what you did was really rude considering the situation and pressure they put on you, all without your consent.	>f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. lol...so if you are a whore, what does he care what you think? why would he want to marry a whore? i dont understand this logic. anyway as someone who was involved with an indian woman and her very controlling family, i bowed out of that entire mess and did not marry her. i refused to be a third wheel to my own marriage and have to defer to people halfway around the globe who i never met. not even my culture. good luck to you. continue doing what makes you happy. dont look back. nta	nta. you told them several times how you felt about the situation and that you wanted a relationship on your terms, if it ever happened. they didn’t listen and popped a surprise proposal on you without warning or regard to your wishes. after you said no, they kept pushing you. you owe them nothing at this point as you explained your position clearly multiple times. they are the ahs for not listening to your desires where all of this is concerned. i wish you the best moving forward and suggest going low-no contact again for a while. if only for your sanity.	nta. why did they think that this was going to work?	nta your family and their backward ass 17th century views on women as property with no self determination or worth other than as wives or baby factories are garbage with no place in today’s world. one of my good friends in school had the entire world going for her, great degree from a great college, intelligent, super bright outlook on life and amazing attitude. she could have been a ceo or senator or self made millionaire by 40. instead her family basically did the same thing they did to you, ambushed her when she went home with an arranged marriage, and told her she would be the shame of the family and community if she said no. so she relented and married the guy. she ended up having 4 kids with him so far, and is still in india, having never came back to the states, and completely hating her life, almost suicidal sometimes. they deserve to be shamed and humiliated. run away, run fast, and run far and never look back.	edited to nta since apparently that's not how you propose regardless (for f, the others were ta from the beginning) you said they were "in on it", does that mean you know they were aware that this was not something you'd be into? this isn't my wheelhouse, so "in on it" to me could mean "they're just as culpable" as your parents, or it could me, "they knew there was going to be a proposal, but not necessarily that you were against the notion". if you share in the "asshole" at all (because if it's not n.t.a it would be e.s.h, you definitely wouldn't be the only asshole here) would be if you lashed at people who were misled. your parents of course, his parents, yes (for the insults after you refused if nothing else), i can't tell if "f" is included in that or not, but it so then he is as well.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues. i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni. for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me. january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be. they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents. so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation. i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting. told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them. my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider. they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> on my phone, sorry about any formatting issues. i(28f) come from a very traditional indian family. i left them when i came to usa for uni because i knew that if i accepted their help in paying my fees they would hold it against me later and i got a part time job along with the financial aid i was receiving. i maintained low contact and didn't visit them in person until i was 26, when they contacted me on my younger brother passing uni. for the last two years, i have visited them four times and each time they've been talking about marriage although i stated very clearly that i wasn't interested. they brought up kids and how finding guys willing to marry older women was hard. i said no problem because i'm child free and that i don't need/want them to find a guy for me. january this year, i went to visit them and they said that they had something 'special' for me and that i would absolutely love it. the day after i reached their home, they said they were throwing me a 'welcome home party'. i thought they were trying to fix our relationship and let it be. they invited a lot of people and it had obviously already been planned. an hour in, my parents introduced me to a man in his thirties(f) and his parents. so, next thing i know, f goes down on one knee and whips out a beautiful ring. i'm surprised and angry at my parents for still trying to control my life and putting me in such a situation. i said no, but then our parents began to push my buttons and i exploded. i called f, his parents and my parents low-lifes for trying to trick me and basically insulted their views, calling them misogynistic and disgusting. told them to go f themselves and left. i packed my bags and went to stay at a hotel until it was time for my flight. my mom cried and begged me to stay and said that they had already paid for half of the dowry and ring. i stopped responding to my parent's calls and texts because i was done with them. my cousins and some old friends have been telling me that i was being unfair by being so rude to f and his parents. thing is, they were in on it. they expected me to say yes and sent me a lot of insults when i refused to reconsider. they were humiliated and in their tiny group of small-minded people, my parents were being ostracized for raising a 'whore' of a daughter. f and his parents were also humiliated because they were rejected by a 'whore'. aita for being so rude? i feel like i should've handled the situation more delicately, rather than blowing up at all of them. [/INST] nta. but don't go back. in case they trap you </s>
AITA for telling my husband to lose the entitled attitude and do shit for himself?	just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far?	28,683	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5jidt/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_lose_the_entitled/	2020-10-05 13:36:05	nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too.	nta, and if that's how your husband is acting at work his stint as an assistant manager will be a short lived one. for the sake of his career, he needs to learn the difference between being a boss and being a leader.	nta. girl, nip this in the bud now before it goes any further. i understand he got a promotion, but he needs to reel it in. tell him to grow up, stop acting like a child, you work just like him and make him stop throwing money in your face. also, just because his job is strenuous doesn’t give him the right to act like a dick. good luck!	nta wow...nta nip it in the bud unless you want your child learning that this is okay for her future. don't let yourself be silenced - you are 100% in the right. even if you hadn't worked all day - you're still not his maid, you're not his servant. and your daughter having to stay in her room because he wants silence? he can go to his room if he wants to be left alone not make the four year old be confined to a room. i would never let my child be treated like a second class citizen ever but especially not in her own home. she and you have just as much a right to exists him make noise, take breaks and say no just like him. you are both people as well and should be treated as such.	nta. though i will say you should've said something much sooner, before you were ready to snap on him. but yeah, get that under control now or it'll ruin the two of you.	nta. feed this man chicken nuggets. that's all he gets is chicken f****** nuggets until he starts acting the way he needs to start acting.	nta. he was acting like an ass and you gave him a reality check 🤷‍♀️	nta his behaviour needs to change. but you two need to learn how to communicate with each other. he saw this as a one time thing because you didn't tell him about all the other times his action towards you and your child bothered you. try to stay calm and have an actual conversation about how he hurt you and how tired you are after your workday and how there are things he should be doing around the house because you two are equal partners.	nta you brought your husband back to earth. he was put on notice and you need to continue to put him on notice for all those small requests or else it will continue to be a reoccurring theme of selfishness and entitlement.	someone seriously feels entitled because they are an assistant manager? you don’t get to be entitled as a junior executive, let alone assistant manager. i remember working with an assistant manager when i was in high school. she was cool. know why? she was in my same grade!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> just recently my husband (31) was promoted to assistant manager of the warehouse. we both work on the ups of 50 hours a week. i am shift manager at a behavioral disorders facility. both jobs are very hands on and strenuous. since his promotion he has developed an entirely different attitude. extremely entitled and dare i say rude as all fuck. he is always boasting and bragging. this has been going on for 3 weeks. so, some examples are as followed: on his days off he wants the house to be radio silent. if our 4 year old wants to play, he tells her to stick to her bedroom because he needs peace and quiet after "working so hard". if i make our daughter lunch, he will immediately say "wheres mine?" he asks me to grab him things damn near constant all hours of the night. he expects nightly back rubs but if i ask he will scoff at me and say "i worked all day" (even if i had as well). he expects meals that he likes made every night, regardless if me or our daughter like the meal or not. he also now acts like he has full say over the money because he "makes more". last night was the tip of the iceberg for me. before this i let a lot of shit slide because it was a recent promotion and hell, hes excited! so, i get it. but last night around like 11pm (i was in bed scrolling through my phone) he comes into the bedroom, lays down and says "babe you should go make me some ice cream. i want the chocolate drizzle on it. and oh, dont forget the cashews!" then he starts scrolling through his phone. i ignore it because i feel at this point i was going to snap. he then shook my leg and said "did you hear me?" so i responded with "yeah. i did hear you and no. go make it yourself. you were literally just out there. your sense of fucking entitlement is way out of line. do shit for yourself." he became offended and instantly, like fucking clock work, said "but i worked all fucking day!" so i snapped back with "yeah, i did too! in fact, i worked 12 hours to your 8. like i said, do shit for yourself." he is now saying that he is not acting entitled and that i was just taking my bad day out on him and that everything i said makes him feel unappreciated. aita? did i push it too far? [/INST] nta someone needs to knock your husband off his high horse. you two need to have a serious talk that at home you're equals and he's not the boss. hell, if he's treating employees like this, things won't go well at work either. husband and i work an equal amount of hours so we split the chores and take turns cooking. sounds like he needs to pitch in too. </s>
AITA for making my boyfriend eat meat at my family gathering even though he's vegetarian?	my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important. here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy. we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's that bad to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita?	19,157	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn3xky/aita_for_making_my_boyfriend_eat_meat_at_my/	2021-12-23 19:59:31	yta respecting your boyfriends feelings, beliefs, and personal decisions should be more important than avoiding a slightly awkward situation, especially one that would have been your fault for not mentioning he was vegetarian in the first place	yta. people who practice a vegetarian diet often stop producing the enzymes to digest meat. you care more about impressing your family than you do about his ability to eat the food in front of him. it is pretty effed up to expect him to eat meat; many people choose to be vegetarian because of their religious practices and spiritual convictions. you ignored his needs, so yes, yta. (	yta for even asking, let alone bullying him into actually doing it. i'm surprised that he (a) went along with it, and (b) hasn't dumped your sorry ass already. how do you "forget" to tell your family that someone you've been with for two years doesn't eat meat? "forget" my ass. you don't agree with his vegetarianism, and you intentionally didn't tell them.	yta. being a vegetarian isn't weird, so telling your family he is a vegetarian wouldn't have been a weird impression. especially if you had done it advance, as you should have. you owe both your boyfriend and your mom an apology. him for asking him to eat meat when he doesn't and her for not telling her so she could properly accommodate her guest.	yta what the hell is wrong with you? i’m actually surprised he is still dating you. what you did is an incredible 🚩	yta, without a doubt. vegetarians shouldn't be expected to just drop their belief and dietary lifestyle because it's convenient to not cause a scene. you 100% should have told them right then and there that he is vegetarian (i mean ideally much earlier, but mistakes happen). i feel really bad for your boyfriend, you obviously don't care about his beliefs and choices, and think you're all that matters.	you are an amazingly giant asshole. also, your relationship is over.	you've been with him for two years and you've never meantion in the span of two years to your own mother that he is vegetarian???? not on a call like "oh, we tried the new place that opened up and we're lucky they had a lot of vegetarian options for so!" or "so made a delicious vegetarian meal last night i think you should try when you meet him!". yeah, sounds like you have the issue with him being vegetarian. i honestly hopes he sees what a massive red flag this is, manipulating someone into eating outside of the dietary choices/ beliefs. also, long-term vegan and vegetarians aren't well equipped to handle meats and it can make them sick. you chose bullying your boyfriend and potentially making him sick over one second of awkward conversation. huge yta	yta. wow, i really thought there was gonna be a good explanation here but holy shit. it was your fault that your family didn’t know, your fault that your boyfriend didn’t have anything to eat & your fault that it would have “caused a scene”. making him actually eat meat is so horrendous on your part & then having the guts to minimise it and shift the blame on him. shame on you	info is this a joke post?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important. here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy. we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's that bad to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my boyfriend (24) and i (28) have been together for two years. yesterday, we were visiting my family because we won't be able to be with them on christmas, so we wanted to drop off some presents. it was also the first time that my boyfriend met my entire family, so it was kinda important. here's the thing, i forgot to tell them that my boyfriend is vegetarian, so my mom made a turkey and there wasn't really anything else to eat, beside some snacks. when i realized that, i quietly asked my boyfriend to please not cause a scene, and just eat the food and compliment my mom on it. he tried to argue back, saying that he doesn't wants to lie to my mom but i told him he would come across as rude if he didn't atleast tried it, and i didn't wanted him to make a bad impression. so he sucked it up, ate an entire plate and told my mom that it was delicious, which obviously made her happy. we had a good evening and everyone seemed to like him, but when we drove back home he brought it up again and said he thinks it was kinda fucked up of me to expect him to eat meat, when i know how much it disgusts him. i get his point and i apologized to him, bit i still don't think that it's that bad to eat a bit of turkey once, to not make a weird first impression on my family. aita? [/INST] yta respecting your boyfriends feelings, beliefs, and personal decisions should be more important than avoiding a slightly awkward situation, especially one that would have been your fault for not mentioning he was vegetarian in the first place </s>
AITA for telling my vegetarian daughter it would be easier if she just ate meat?	i do feel kind of bad about this, but i was just frustrated. my daughter is 20 and been vegetarian for 2 years. last night i was making dinner for the family and she was making her own separate meal. there was a lot going on and between the 2 of us, every burner on the stove was being used, as well as the oven itself, and the microwave. there were so many dishes and we have a tiny kitchen so we were getting a bit frustrated with each other being in each others way, admittedly particularly me. i got so frustrated and angry at one point and said 'guess i'll be doing the dishes. there's so many.' she said 'i can do them. jesus, calm down. i only used 2 dishes anyways, most of them are yours.' i finally said out of frustrated of coordinating our cooking 'you know this would all be so much easier if you just ate meat with the rest of us!" i immediately felt bad when i said it although i didn't apologize until later when we both calmed down. all she said to me was 'you know you guys could go vegetarian too, or even just eat a vegetarian dinner a couple times a week. don't blame me.' aita? i didn't mean it, i was just frustrated, but she's still mad at me for saying that to her.	8,281	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fqm56b/aita_for_telling_my_vegetarian_daughter_it_would/	2020-03-28 15:22:56	yta. you made the most stereotypical passive-aggressive mother comment, complaining about doing the dishes instead of just asking your daughter to wash the two that she used. if you can’t handle sharing the same space with someone while cooking, cook first or wait until she’s done. don’t take out your personal frustrations on someone else.	yta and you know it. that’s why you feel bad. she is sticking to her morals and it’s not fair to expect her to stray from them. on the plus side, you clearly raised your daughter to be an empathic person with integrity.	yeah yta. you tried getting mad about the dishes, but then you found out most of them were because of you. then you just tried to attack her to shut her down completely, which failed. you know you could eat a vegetarian meal once a week and it wouldn't kill you right? and it would show your daughter that you do actually care about what's important to her, cause she knows your apology was bullshit. you could also cook vegetarian entrees and just have the meat cooked and served separately (stir frys, eggplant lasagna, rice bakes, casseroles, pasta the list is endless) that way your daughter wouldn't have to cook every time and she can eat the meal with you all instead of her own meal.	yta-how would you not be? your daughter made the choice to be a vegetarian, and it sounds like you aren’t being respectful of that. she’s not asking you to make accommodations, and you’re acting like a toddler and throwing a fit. you owe her an apology.	yta absolutely. for starters, you went looking to pick a fight with your own daughter. you made a conscious decision, frustrated or no, to antagonize her and instigate a confrontation. that is incredibly petty. like, everything else i could say about it aside, you are her parent? secondly, was she right? were most of the dishes yours? even if they weren't, you could have politely and respectfully asked her to help you by working on the dishes she used to cook and eat. that's the most that she owes you. as she's not eating the meal you've prepared, she doesn't own you any labor for it - what she's getting out of family dinner is having time to bond with you as your freaking daughter, and she does not have an obligation to you for wanting that. she even offered to wash the dishes for you, according to your own post. which, your passive-aggressive tone not-with-standing, was clearly, from her perspective, what you were after. but then you made a conscious decision to escalate the situation? why? you say you were "just frustrated," but you must have intended to get something out of doing that. people don't just do things because of their emotional state. i think you really need to take the time to do some self-reflection and figure out exactly what your intentions were, reminding yourself that she offered to give you what you were asking for which was already more than you were owed. because here's the thing. i noticed that some of the other answers are brushing aside the idea that you were personally attacking her for her personal dietary choices. but that's exactly what you were doing. even if you don't realize it, that's the exact message your actions deliver to your daughter. from her perspective, she is actually the one being helpful and accommodating of you, even though i know you likely haven't thought of it that way. she's not asking you to go out of your way to put extra strain on you by asking you to prepare one meal for the rest of your family and one separately for her. she's making her own food and taking that labor off of you. and you repay her for that by telling her that things would just "be easier" if she were to completely abandon what very well may be a deeply-held social and political value because it's a minor inconvenience. do you have any core values? something political, or moral, or religious, that you frame your life's choices around? how would you feel if she were to say those same words to you about any of those?	yta, gently. you’ve done the first step of apologizing. now do the second: how can you help make it right? it sounds like your daughter is making her own meals because she can’t eat what you are preparing. making vegetarian meals once or twice a week, or letting her take over making family dinner, sounds like a nice compromise. also, generally making sides that can work as a full meal, without your daughter asking, would also be a nice gesture.	yta. with a little research and practice, you can find how to maybe make half the dish meat-free, or cook two proteins at once so she can have her meat-free protein while you have your meat, and everyone share the sides. you can easily make this a bonding moment and find ways to mesh the dinners and make everyone happy. it almost seems excessive to me for her to be eating an entirely separate meal.	yta you should also get the rest of the family to clean the pots as it sounds like they don't	yta, and you should apologize. it sounds like your daughter made a decision when she became a legal adult (and i’m refraining from letting myself make assumptions related to the timing), and since then she has made an effort to still have dinner with the family while cooking her own dinner, as opposed to eating alone separately. she also seems to have been fine with the arrangement - using minimal dishes to cook her own meal - and i can imagine she felt upset by the frustration you were expressing, and the chaos in the kitchen.	yta your convenience vs her ethics and health, which i mention because meat could make her quite sick after not eating it for a long time. you certainly could eat a vegetarian meal occasionally. particularly as apparently you cook for everyone else but not her. and her two dishes are such an imposition. you're frustrated but you're lashing out at the wrong target.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i do feel kind of bad about this, but i was just frustrated. my daughter is 20 and been vegetarian for 2 years. last night i was making dinner for the family and she was making her own separate meal. there was a lot going on and between the 2 of us, every burner on the stove was being used, as well as the oven itself, and the microwave. there were so many dishes and we have a tiny kitchen so we were getting a bit frustrated with each other being in each others way, admittedly particularly me. i got so frustrated and angry at one point and said 'guess i'll be doing the dishes. there's so many.' she said 'i can do them. jesus, calm down. i only used 2 dishes anyways, most of them are yours.' i finally said out of frustrated of coordinating our cooking 'you know this would all be so much easier if you just ate meat with the rest of us!" i immediately felt bad when i said it although i didn't apologize until later when we both calmed down. all she said to me was 'you know you guys could go vegetarian too, or even just eat a vegetarian dinner a couple times a week. don't blame me.' aita? i didn't mean it, i was just frustrated, but she's still mad at me for saying that to her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i do feel kind of bad about this, but i was just frustrated. my daughter is 20 and been vegetarian for 2 years. last night i was making dinner for the family and she was making her own separate meal. there was a lot going on and between the 2 of us, every burner on the stove was being used, as well as the oven itself, and the microwave. there were so many dishes and we have a tiny kitchen so we were getting a bit frustrated with each other being in each others way, admittedly particularly me. i got so frustrated and angry at one point and said 'guess i'll be doing the dishes. there's so many.' she said 'i can do them. jesus, calm down. i only used 2 dishes anyways, most of them are yours.' i finally said out of frustrated of coordinating our cooking 'you know this would all be so much easier if you just ate meat with the rest of us!" i immediately felt bad when i said it although i didn't apologize until later when we both calmed down. all she said to me was 'you know you guys could go vegetarian too, or even just eat a vegetarian dinner a couple times a week. don't blame me.' aita? i didn't mean it, i was just frustrated, but she's still mad at me for saying that to her. [/INST] yta. you made the most stereotypical passive-aggressive mother comment, complaining about doing the dishes instead of just asking your daughter to wash the two that she used. if you can’t handle sharing the same space with someone while cooking, cook first or wait until she’s done. don’t take out your personal frustrations on someone else. </s>
AITA for making a punny "wall of shame" for people who stole from my mom's garden?	my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?	31,282	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mua3bp/aita_for_making_a_punny_wall_of_shame_for_people/	2021-04-19 20:44:39	nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.) not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero.	nta. if they don't like it, they can get clover it.	nta. don't do the crime if you can't do the thyme!	nta this sounds like a hilarious way to call people out for stealing from someone's property. sounds like some of these people are ruining the garden and not just taking a flower here and there. to the parent complaining about his sons picture being there, he should have his son apologize to your mom in order to get his picture down. maybe even have the son bring your mom some flowers (parents can buy some if he can't) as a way to show he is actually sorry. going straight to how it's public shaming instead of telling his son not to steal from other people is kind of funny. doubt your mom would have minded if the kid said he wanted a couple flowers for his sick gf as long as he actually asked her first.	brilliant! you and your mom rock. it may be "petty", but they're committing petty theft. these people should be publicly shamed, at least in your neighborhood, and its not like you're blasting them on social media. nta.	nta. i think this is boss. a local video store used to have a wall of shame for people who never returned videos and it was pretty good prevention for me at least. has anyone who didn’t steal from you complain about it?	nta, but i would sit with your mum and discuss how to get off the wall of shame. is it after some period of time? an apology and compensation? etc. so when people come to ask to be removed you can explain the process.	i'd say nta, i'm assuming these are adults who know better than to steal that are being shamed? also regarding the guy's kid who's a minor, he should be teaching his child not to steal it doesn't matter if it was just flowers he shouldn't have touched them.	nta because they literally stole from you guys. to take proper cuttings or to take the roses, you need some tools of sorts which requires the forethought of “i’m taking something that isn’t mine without permission.” stores in my area have a “board of beer shame” of those who either stole or attempted to steal alcohol so it’s not like this is a new idea, although you’re puns were great. besides, who brings back a useless chunk of a plant they stole? what did they expect, that you’d just gorilla glue that baby back on?	nta. . . . but bordering on esh. at the point that someone apologizes and tries to make it right, especially if it's a kid, you should probably take it down, especially if it was a cutting and not stealing a whole ass potted plant. but it doesn't sound like these people were particularly apologetic, just demanding, so they can eff off. if i were you and your mom, i'd tell the kid he can work it off with an hour of work in the garden, and the adult that she can bring a full and healthy new plant to replace the one she damaged, and then take them down.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist i guess. anyway my dash cam of my car which i park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen i printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "oh hay there! don't be a daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard thyme! we hope thistle be a lesson to yew! and i put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . i thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... my mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen but i got a couple complains, one neighbor said i needed to take it down because i had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. and that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. i told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that i was being petty. i called his kid a little birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... but yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. and he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. my mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. anyway i guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. aita for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? hoping to get them to stop? [/INST] nta. these people stole. that's a crime. and instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something truly delightful. (i wish i were half as clever as you because i'd come up with a pun of my own.) not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero. </s>
AITA For forcing my daughter to find her own way to a wedding because of what she was wearing	my wife and i have 3 daughters (19, 24, & 28). our youngest, jill, just started community college this year while our 2 oldest have moved away to start their careers. jill still lives with my wife and i as she is attending college locally and this saves her money. this past weekend we were invited to my niece's (and goddaughter) wedding a couple hours away. the dress code was semi-formal so men were expected to wear suits and women in dresses. as we were getting ready to leave, jill was taking her sweet time getting ready and i was kind of nagging at her to get going. she had been out late the night before with friends and i'm sure she was feeling the effects of that. when she was finally ready to go, she was wearing some kind of black, spaghetti strap halter-top thing with leggings. i told her that was not an appropriate outfit for her cousin's wedding and that she needs to change into something else. she told me she doesn't have anything else to wear and that i don't get to police what she's wearing. i told her that judging by the amount of dirty clothes on her floor and in her closet, she clearly has other options, she just didn't plan ahead enough to figure something out. i told her it was disrespectful to her cousin, the bride, to wear something to revealing and tacky to their wedding. jill called me a jerk and said no one is going to care what she's wearing and if people focus on her clothes more than the bride, that's their problem, not hers. i told her in that case, how she is getting to the wedding is her problem, not mine. she asked what that meant and i told her that if that's what she wants to wear, she is going to have to find her own way to the wedding because i am not going to arrive with my daughter looking like she is about to hit a club at 2am instead of attend her cousin's wedding. my wife chimed in at this point and told us both to calm down. she told me i was being over-bearing, but also told jill that she did not agree with her choice of attire either and reminded her this is a semi-formal event. she told jill she would help her find a different option that would be better suited for this. jill scoffed at that and went to her room and closed the door. i went and knocked and told her she has 15-minutes to be ready or we are leaving without her. she yelled at me that i was being an asshole so i went outside to wait and after 20 minutes i went inside and jill was still in her room. i told my wife that i am leaving and she can either come with me now, or her and jill can figure out their own plans. my wife asked what jill is supposed to do and i said she can take an uber for all i care at this point. my wife reluctantly left with me and i could tell she felt guilty about the whole thing. jill ended up not coming to the wedding and both her and my wife blame me for it. i don't think i was the asshole here though.	19,783	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/quid2u/aita_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_find_her_own_way/	2021-11-15 15:01:40	nta. you're exactly right: leggings and a halter top are not appropriate to wear at a wedding that is set to semiformal attire. it shows disrespect to the bride, and its embarrassing for you as well. the people saying that you have no right to say "i'm not taking you unless you change" have a double standard. they want to say that jill is an adult and can wear what she wants/make her own choices, but they still don't believe that jill should face the consequence of her own choices, and also take on that adult responsibility of having to figure out how to get to an event.	nta i know that a lot of people will start going on about what a woman wears, but this is about not being up to the dress code. and while your daughter had the right to wear what she wanted, you also had the right not to be associated with her decisions on what she wanted to wear. you disagreed with her apparel and as such you weren't going to help her be disrespectful to her cousin by not going with the dress code. i put this in a similar category as if your daughter had decided to wear a white dress to the wedding. yeah there's no law preventing it but that doesn't mean you have to assist in her decisions. and if she's big enough to decide what she wants to wear she's big enough to call an uber.	nta. when did people forget that there are types of clothing that is inappropriate to wear in certain places/events? you aren't "policing what she wears" in this situation. if you can't dress appropriately, then don't go.	listen, i am an out and proud feminist, and i will always rail against people policing and picking apart the type of clothing that women choose to wear. that being said, a person hosting a private event has every right to adopt a dress code, and if you don’t want to listen to that dress code, then you don’t have to go to the event. it is disrespectful to show up dressed inappropriately. you absolutely did the right thing -nta. although your daughter may not appreciate it at the moment, you saved her from looking like an idiot and embarrassing herself.	nta. she is 19, it is a wedding, who wears a tank top and leggings to a wedding that clearly stated formal.	obviously your daughter was dressed inappropriately and behaving childishly, however i just wanted to highlight to op something a lot of people don't seem to be noticing: your wife was in the process of defusing the situation. when she told you both to calm down because the whole thing was getting overblown, she was frankly correct- a shouting match is never productive. she then supported your perspective (reminding your daughter that she agreed with your assessment of her clothing) while also giving a solution (going up to help your daughter quickly grab something more appropriate). i realise people are going to point out your daughter stormed upstairs/ closed her door etc, and maybe she would have just had a tantrum, but you didn't give your wife's tactic a chance to work. it seems to me like your long running frustrations with your youngest all got channeled into this situation which meant you jumped to ultimatum level- if you don't change you can't come in the car. this is completely understandable but i really would recommend you consider how things possibly could have turned out if you'd let your wife's idea play out; she would have separated you and your daughter briefly, giving you both time to cool off, she would have had oversight of what your daughter wore, and you all could have gone to the wedding together- probably with a bit of sulking but without the situation reaching the level it now has done. i'm not saying you did anything wrong, i just thought it was worth noting your wife's sincere attempt to resolve things, especially as a lot of people seem to be assuming she is enabling your daughters behaviour.	nta. your daughter is old enough to know what to wear to a wedding. her poor planning isn't your fault. she made her bed by going out and getting wasted while not thinking ahead of the wedding and dress code. you did well by not taking her with you honestly.	nta- 19 is old enough. also you gave her enough time to change. but you should probably get your wife’s judgment. “your body your choice” isn’t applicable here. if she doesn’t want to dress according to the event (the brides wishes) she can’t go. easy as that.	nta she’s a 19 yr old acting like an 8 yr old. “why can’t i wear pajamas to the christening?” your wife should have told her no. the fact that you even took the time to wait for her after she called you an asshole. my dad would’ve kicked me out the house. you never disrespect your parents like that, specially under their own roof. i’d be pissed as the bride if someone from my side of the family comes to the wedding dresses like that after i gave everyone the dress code. not cool.	i think dress codes ought to be followed, especially for sentimental occasions like these. nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have 3 daughters (19, 24, & 28). our youngest, jill, just started community college this year while our 2 oldest have moved away to start their careers. jill still lives with my wife and i as she is attending college locally and this saves her money. this past weekend we were invited to my niece's (and goddaughter) wedding a couple hours away. the dress code was semi-formal so men were expected to wear suits and women in dresses. as we were getting ready to leave, jill was taking her sweet time getting ready and i was kind of nagging at her to get going. she had been out late the night before with friends and i'm sure she was feeling the effects of that. when she was finally ready to go, she was wearing some kind of black, spaghetti strap halter-top thing with leggings. i told her that was not an appropriate outfit for her cousin's wedding and that she needs to change into something else. she told me she doesn't have anything else to wear and that i don't get to police what she's wearing. i told her that judging by the amount of dirty clothes on her floor and in her closet, she clearly has other options, she just didn't plan ahead enough to figure something out. i told her it was disrespectful to her cousin, the bride, to wear something to revealing and tacky to their wedding. jill called me a jerk and said no one is going to care what she's wearing and if people focus on her clothes more than the bride, that's their problem, not hers. i told her in that case, how she is getting to the wedding is her problem, not mine. she asked what that meant and i told her that if that's what she wants to wear, she is going to have to find her own way to the wedding because i am not going to arrive with my daughter looking like she is about to hit a club at 2am instead of attend her cousin's wedding. my wife chimed in at this point and told us both to calm down. she told me i was being over-bearing, but also told jill that she did not agree with her choice of attire either and reminded her this is a semi-formal event. she told jill she would help her find a different option that would be better suited for this. jill scoffed at that and went to her room and closed the door. i went and knocked and told her she has 15-minutes to be ready or we are leaving without her. she yelled at me that i was being an asshole so i went outside to wait and after 20 minutes i went inside and jill was still in her room. i told my wife that i am leaving and she can either come with me now, or her and jill can figure out their own plans. my wife asked what jill is supposed to do and i said she can take an uber for all i care at this point. my wife reluctantly left with me and i could tell she felt guilty about the whole thing. jill ended up not coming to the wedding and both her and my wife blame me for it. i don't think i was the asshole here though.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife and i have 3 daughters (19, 24, & 28). our youngest, jill, just started community college this year while our 2 oldest have moved away to start their careers. jill still lives with my wife and i as she is attending college locally and this saves her money. this past weekend we were invited to my niece's (and goddaughter) wedding a couple hours away. the dress code was semi-formal so men were expected to wear suits and women in dresses. as we were getting ready to leave, jill was taking her sweet time getting ready and i was kind of nagging at her to get going. she had been out late the night before with friends and i'm sure she was feeling the effects of that. when she was finally ready to go, she was wearing some kind of black, spaghetti strap halter-top thing with leggings. i told her that was not an appropriate outfit for her cousin's wedding and that she needs to change into something else. she told me she doesn't have anything else to wear and that i don't get to police what she's wearing. i told her that judging by the amount of dirty clothes on her floor and in her closet, she clearly has other options, she just didn't plan ahead enough to figure something out. i told her it was disrespectful to her cousin, the bride, to wear something to revealing and tacky to their wedding. jill called me a jerk and said no one is going to care what she's wearing and if people focus on her clothes more than the bride, that's their problem, not hers. i told her in that case, how she is getting to the wedding is her problem, not mine. she asked what that meant and i told her that if that's what she wants to wear, she is going to have to find her own way to the wedding because i am not going to arrive with my daughter looking like she is about to hit a club at 2am instead of attend her cousin's wedding. my wife chimed in at this point and told us both to calm down. she told me i was being over-bearing, but also told jill that she did not agree with her choice of attire either and reminded her this is a semi-formal event. she told jill she would help her find a different option that would be better suited for this. jill scoffed at that and went to her room and closed the door. i went and knocked and told her she has 15-minutes to be ready or we are leaving without her. she yelled at me that i was being an asshole so i went outside to wait and after 20 minutes i went inside and jill was still in her room. i told my wife that i am leaving and she can either come with me now, or her and jill can figure out their own plans. my wife asked what jill is supposed to do and i said she can take an uber for all i care at this point. my wife reluctantly left with me and i could tell she felt guilty about the whole thing. jill ended up not coming to the wedding and both her and my wife blame me for it. i don't think i was the asshole here though. [/INST] nta. you're exactly right: leggings and a halter top are not appropriate to wear at a wedding that is set to semiformal attire. it shows disrespect to the bride, and its embarrassing for you as well. the people saying that you have no right to say "i'm not taking you unless you change" have a double standard. they want to say that jill is an adult and can wear what she wants/make her own choices, but they still don't believe that jill should face the consequence of her own choices, and also take on that adult responsibility of having to figure out how to get to an event. </s>
AITA for not approving of my daughter's choice in boyfriend?	my daughter amanda is 22. she is a law graduate and has just finished her legal practice course. still living at home but that's not a problem for us. what is a problem is her the man she has chosen as her boyfriend. his name is mark. he's two years younger than her and works as an apprentice plumber. nice enough guy but not a good background. he has a brother in prison and lives on a rough council estate on the edge of town. amanda spends 3-4 nights a week there since they've been together. the problem is that that's a really rough place. lots of drugs, violence and knife crime. no parent wants their kid willingly spending nights in a place like that. from what she's said his mum is really nice, but even so we have to think of her safety. we had a huge row about it yesterday, to the point that she ended up in tears and stormed out of the house to go to his place. she's an adult and we will always respect her decisions, but surely that doesn't mean we have to support them?	3,426	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl1ugg/aita_for_not_approving_of_my_daughters_choice_in/	2019-08-02 09:29:34	yta. she is 22 and it's time to trust her to make decisions about her own life. your behavior is just going to push her away.	yta- you’re blaming the kid for his brothers mistakes and where he lives. at 20, being an apprentice, it sounds like he’s just getting by. the kid sounds like he’s trying to better himself.	yta stop being such a judgemental arsehole. it sounds like you haven't even sat down with and him and spoken to him without the assumption you've made based on his profession and place of living. and no, you don't have to support your daughter but that just makes you twice the arsehole for not being willing to respect your daughter opinions. &#x200b;	yta. what the fuck are you talking about? you acknowledge she’s an adult and respect her decisions, but you think this means you don’t have to support them? i really don’t understand what on earth you think this means because you 100% are not respecting her decisions or treating her like an adult. you may not even consciously know it but you obviously believe you have the right to control her actions and her time, possibly because she still lives at home (in which case i hope she moves out soon and gets away from your stranglehold).	yta. plumbers are high earners. he might make more than her. but yta for looking down on a tradie vs. a 'professional'. pull your head in.	> nice enough guy but not a good background. yta. fucking asshole	yta. respecting her decisions means not arguing with her and making her feel like shit. you clearly don’t respect her decision.	yta - you're being incredibly prejudiced based on his background, profession, and his brother's mistakes. for that, you're the asshole. you've said nothing about the kind of guy he actually is other than he's a plumber who lives on a council estate.	yta all the knocks on the bf is that he's poor and lives in a bad neighborhood. we don't know anything about how he treats the daughter, his personality, etc. you're judging him by the situation he was born into, not his character. that's straight up prejudice! &#x200b; edit to add: if anything, it speaks really well of his character that he comes from a poor/rough neighborhood and is trying to make good of himself.	yta ...and a snob to boot. it doesn't sound like you are respecting her decisions at all, otherwise you never would have said anything. (i mean, did you really think she'd say "oh, gee, you're right! i'll break up with him tomorrow!"?) not liking the guy because of who his brother is and where he lives is some seriously snobby shit. the guy has a job and is working to better himself. he's also a nice guy. you should be happy for her. loosen the apron strings a little bit and let your daughter live her own life. as far as her love life goes...if you can't say something nice, then you should bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter amanda is 22. she is a law graduate and has just finished her legal practice course. still living at home but that's not a problem for us. what is a problem is her the man she has chosen as her boyfriend. his name is mark. he's two years younger than her and works as an apprentice plumber. nice enough guy but not a good background. he has a brother in prison and lives on a rough council estate on the edge of town. amanda spends 3-4 nights a week there since they've been together. the problem is that that's a really rough place. lots of drugs, violence and knife crime. no parent wants their kid willingly spending nights in a place like that. from what she's said his mum is really nice, but even so we have to think of her safety. we had a huge row about it yesterday, to the point that she ended up in tears and stormed out of the house to go to his place. she's an adult and we will always respect her decisions, but surely that doesn't mean we have to support them?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter amanda is 22. she is a law graduate and has just finished her legal practice course. still living at home but that's not a problem for us. what is a problem is her the man she has chosen as her boyfriend. his name is mark. he's two years younger than her and works as an apprentice plumber. nice enough guy but not a good background. he has a brother in prison and lives on a rough council estate on the edge of town. amanda spends 3-4 nights a week there since they've been together. the problem is that that's a really rough place. lots of drugs, violence and knife crime. no parent wants their kid willingly spending nights in a place like that. from what she's said his mum is really nice, but even so we have to think of her safety. we had a huge row about it yesterday, to the point that she ended up in tears and stormed out of the house to go to his place. she's an adult and we will always respect her decisions, but surely that doesn't mean we have to support them? [/INST] yta. she is 22 and it's time to trust her to make decisions about her own life. your behavior is just going to push her away. </s>
AITA for telling a teenager that a wedding is significantly more important than her birthday and she needs to grow up?	i invited my soon to be mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch because we don't have the best relationship. she accepted but asked if she could bring her bf's 15 year old daughter "emily" because emily loves fashion. honestly i think it was more of mil has some anxiety around my family and wanted an ally, so i said yes. emily is ok but ridiculously spoiled. her divorced parents are in competition for her love and both have some serious cash to throw around. emily is having a sweet 16 the same month i am having my wedding, and she has been talking about it non-stop, picking out the car she wants, making plans for the actual day. her birthday is a wednesday, but the party is a saturday, so she still expects something special on her birthday. she will be going to disney with her bf, her dad and mil. she has already let her mother know that since her birthday falls on his custody time, her mom can "make it up to her" so she is having 3 birthdays. i internally roll my eyes a little, but it isn't my business. we had a nice day planned of lunch and wedding dress shopping. it started off ok, though mil demanded a sip of mils champagne and i was a bit worried about getting kicked out because it is a liability, but mil told me to chill and her bf has been giving emily sips since she was 12. the issue began when emily was walking around the boutique and found a dress she loved for her party. mil told her to try it on, which kind of bothered me because it wasn't emily's event. my mom told mil that it was bad etiquette and mil seemed surprised. i will give mil the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know because she is pretty socially oblivious. emily came out and heard the conversation and told mil she didn't do anything wrong and we were being "zillas" i nicely asked emily to stay out of the adult conversation, and emily told mil that it isn't even her fault her relationship with her son is strained because we are so nit picky and she was literally just trying on a dress. i snapped at emily that she has no idea what she is talking about and maybe when she is older she'll have a clue, but a wedding is way way more important than some birthday party. i said birthdays come every year and it really isn't that special. emily told me to chill and why can't i share and all the dresses i tried on were "basic" finally mil told emily they were leaving and stormed out (after paying for the dress) mils boyfriend is pissed and said i'm a drama queen, i shouldn't be fighting with his kid, and i'm so mean to mil.	10,457	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rwr36j/aita_for_telling_a_teenager_that_a_wedding_is/	2022-01-05 16:42:37	yta because here's the thing her birthday is more important to her than your wedding. why are you arguing with a child because they are excited about their birthday compared to your wedding when it sounds like she barely even knows you. maybe you should grow up a little	yta fighting with a child because you lost a bit of spotlight and telling her that her sweet 16 isn't important? maybe birthdays aren't important to you, but your childhood ones can be - but that's not the point. her birthday has nothing to do with your wedding and there's no need to compare. a simple "we're here to wedding dress shop and we want to focus on that experience. she's welcome to look at dresses while she's here, but if you could save trying on for another occasion that would be appreciated" would have sufficed.	esh every party involved made the decision to escalate the drama instead of letting it go.	yta. all that stuff about the details of her party and her being spoiled is completely irrelevant and its clear that you just added it to justify your attitude towards her. the situation in question is, you were at your bridal gown appointment. your soon-to-be mil dragged a 15 year old girl with her to basically act as an emotional support animal. she got bored watching her dad's, girlfriend's, son's fiance try on wedding dresses and decided to try on a dress for her upcoming sweet sixteen. you got upset, berated your soon-to-be mil about her boyfriend's daughter trying on a dress, told a 15 year old to butt out because the grown ups are talking, and told her that her birthday party is irrelevant and your wedding actually matters. of course her birthday matters to her. why the hell would the wedding of her dad's, girlfriend's son matter to a 15 year old girl, no less watching said son's fiance try on wedding dresses?	yta. this whole post is just dripping with disdain for mil and emily. i get that it was shopping for your event, but really, how much attention do you need? emily liked a dress and tried it on, i doubt that diverted anyone's attention from you and your wedding for very long. your mother approaching mil about it being bad etiquette is likely why mil has anxiety around your family and wanted emily to come with her as an ally.	> i nicely asked emily to stay out of the adult conversation err, no, you didn't. that's no way to patronise someone and tell them to shut up and make it 'nice'. obviously yta. she wasn't taking anything away from you, just joining in on a dress shopping trip. this could have been a fun thing you all did together, but you decided that her having a nice time as well ruined your experience.	they were in a dress store, she's a child, of course she's gonna want to try on a dress. i don't even think she was thinking about your wedding or trying to "upstage you" you literally got into a beef with a 15 year old over trying on a dress... yta and a bridezilla	esh. some birthdays are milestones. they are clearly treating emily's 16th as a milestone birthday, so much like you're wedding it's a once in a lifetime event. that's not an excuse for them to be rude. but you did indeed worsen the drama here by making it about whose event was "more important" rather than sticking to the fact that they were rude to use your try on booking to dress shop.	yta and exhausting. her life isn't about you. why couldn't she try on a dress? because you demand everyone's attention? hilarious that you say birthdays aren't important when people get married all the time and half of them end in divorce. you are not remotely self aware and seem to have a hatred of a child.	nta, they were ruining your dress experience and being oblivious isn't a good excuse. being 16 is kind of a good excuse for being an asshole but that's why mil shouldn't have brought her if she couldn't behave appropriately.	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	NTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i invited my soon to be mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch because we don't have the best relationship. she accepted but asked if she could bring her bf's 15 year old daughter "emily" because emily loves fashion. honestly i think it was more of mil has some anxiety around my family and wanted an ally, so i said yes. emily is ok but ridiculously spoiled. her divorced parents are in competition for her love and both have some serious cash to throw around. emily is having a sweet 16 the same month i am having my wedding, and she has been talking about it non-stop, picking out the car she wants, making plans for the actual day. her birthday is a wednesday, but the party is a saturday, so she still expects something special on her birthday. she will be going to disney with her bf, her dad and mil. she has already let her mother know that since her birthday falls on his custody time, her mom can "make it up to her" so she is having 3 birthdays. i internally roll my eyes a little, but it isn't my business. we had a nice day planned of lunch and wedding dress shopping. it started off ok, though mil demanded a sip of mils champagne and i was a bit worried about getting kicked out because it is a liability, but mil told me to chill and her bf has been giving emily sips since she was 12. the issue began when emily was walking around the boutique and found a dress she loved for her party. mil told her to try it on, which kind of bothered me because it wasn't emily's event. my mom told mil that it was bad etiquette and mil seemed surprised. i will give mil the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know because she is pretty socially oblivious. emily came out and heard the conversation and told mil she didn't do anything wrong and we were being "zillas" i nicely asked emily to stay out of the adult conversation, and emily told mil that it isn't even her fault her relationship with her son is strained because we are so nit picky and she was literally just trying on a dress. i snapped at emily that she has no idea what she is talking about and maybe when she is older she'll have a clue, but a wedding is way way more important than some birthday party. i said birthdays come every year and it really isn't that special. emily told me to chill and why can't i share and all the dresses i tried on were "basic" finally mil told emily they were leaving and stormed out (after paying for the dress) mils boyfriend is pissed and said i'm a drama queen, i shouldn't be fighting with his kid, and i'm so mean to mil.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i invited my soon to be mil wedding dress shopping as an olive branch because we don't have the best relationship. she accepted but asked if she could bring her bf's 15 year old daughter "emily" because emily loves fashion. honestly i think it was more of mil has some anxiety around my family and wanted an ally, so i said yes. emily is ok but ridiculously spoiled. her divorced parents are in competition for her love and both have some serious cash to throw around. emily is having a sweet 16 the same month i am having my wedding, and she has been talking about it non-stop, picking out the car she wants, making plans for the actual day. her birthday is a wednesday, but the party is a saturday, so she still expects something special on her birthday. she will be going to disney with her bf, her dad and mil. she has already let her mother know that since her birthday falls on his custody time, her mom can "make it up to her" so she is having 3 birthdays. i internally roll my eyes a little, but it isn't my business. we had a nice day planned of lunch and wedding dress shopping. it started off ok, though mil demanded a sip of mils champagne and i was a bit worried about getting kicked out because it is a liability, but mil told me to chill and her bf has been giving emily sips since she was 12. the issue began when emily was walking around the boutique and found a dress she loved for her party. mil told her to try it on, which kind of bothered me because it wasn't emily's event. my mom told mil that it was bad etiquette and mil seemed surprised. i will give mil the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know because she is pretty socially oblivious. emily came out and heard the conversation and told mil she didn't do anything wrong and we were being "zillas" i nicely asked emily to stay out of the adult conversation, and emily told mil that it isn't even her fault her relationship with her son is strained because we are so nit picky and she was literally just trying on a dress. i snapped at emily that she has no idea what she is talking about and maybe when she is older she'll have a clue, but a wedding is way way more important than some birthday party. i said birthdays come every year and it really isn't that special. emily told me to chill and why can't i share and all the dresses i tried on were "basic" finally mil told emily they were leaving and stormed out (after paying for the dress) mils boyfriend is pissed and said i'm a drama queen, i shouldn't be fighting with his kid, and i'm so mean to mil. [/INST] yta because here's the thing her birthday is more important to her than your wedding. why are you arguing with a child because they are excited about their birthday compared to your wedding when it sounds like she barely even knows you. maybe you should grow up a little </s>
AITA for giving my daughter's vegan friend meaty meals during sleepovers?	my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet. so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her. i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats). aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat?	7,077	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q3chzl/aita_for_giving_my_daughters_vegan_friend_meaty/	2021-10-07 16:13:30	yta "i think m is a bit malnourished" is where i deemed you the asshole. you are absolutely judging her family, and her family's diet, and you are doing this out of some misguided form of activism. you think you're the hero here saving her from some injustice. it'd be one thing if you were maybe just trying to make the kid happy one time and keeping a little secret -- but you're doing this to make a statement. you're actively and defiantly disrespecting her parents.	yta. you say "whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them". so, you're going out of your way to make something you know m's parents wouldn't let her have? based on "she looks smaller and paler" than your daughter? stop substituting your judgements about how this kid is raised for her parents'. she's not your kid.	yta you are not her doctor. this isn't your choice to make. undermining her parents' dietary choices is going to do more harm than good for her. to jump from a strict plant based diet to one heavy with dairy and meat and then to go right back to strict plant based, that shocks the body so to speak. if you're concerned about her health, talk to her parents.	yta. not your fucking kid, you cant change her diet.	yta would you feed a jewish or muslim kid pork because you felt they were missing out?	unless you ran it by her parents, yta. it's kind that you make food for them, but why can't you accommodate her vegan diet? you don't know she's malnourished. if anything, you may have harmed the friendship. if/when the parents find out they may not want her coming to your place. yta	“she isn’t even allowed to drink milk” umm, yea obviously? vegans don’t do dairy. yta, if you have concerns about her being malnourished, talk to her parents, or cps if you suspect abuse. feeding long term vegans animal products can make them sick. tbh sounds like you just don’t agree with / don’t like her parents and are doing this to spite them.	~~i’m going to go with esh.~~ editing to yta. it’s since come to light the girl is allowed meat from time to time, which makes the “militant vegan parent” angle far less likely. i’m sill not 100% sure if the parents are permissive of a non-vegan diet outside of their home or not, simply because the op refuses to talk to the parents to verify anything. below is my original, unedited post: the girl is old enough that her parents should respect her lifestyle choices. it sounds like the parents are vegan, but the girl is not - at least not by choice. the parents don't have to accommodate a meat-eating lifestyle at home, particularly since it goes against their ethos, but they shouldn't be forbidding their daughter from eating meat outside of the home. (unless there are any medical reasons for why she can't have meat.) if that is what is happening. op is an ah for a two different reasons. mostly because you haven't spoken with the parents at all. from this post, you've painted her parents as strict die-hard militant vegans who have absolutely forbidden their child to be anything but vegan. we don't know that, and you don't know that. you know they are vegan, but you don't know if they condone their daughter eating non-vegan outside of the house. for all you know, they could have absolutely no problem with their girl eating pulled pork and smoked salmon at your house. in fact, i would be extremely surprised if they didn't know their daughter was having non-vegan meals during these sleepovers. you've gone with the idea that "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission", and that is a solid ah move. the second reason is, you are attempting to justify what you believe to be shitty behavior and undermining the other persons parents with the excuse that "she looks a bit malnourished." you are not a doctor, nor a dietician. you do not know at all whether or not she is malnourished or not, just that she has a healthy appetite, enjoys your food, and is on the small/pale side (which could just be simple genetics at play.) if you actually thought she was malnourished, you'd have spoken with her parents about it. it's great that you are making sure she is well fed while she is over, but your concern for her health should extend beyond just the duration of her sleepovers and within the confines of your home.	info: has the daughter actually told you she's not "allowed" to eat meat and dairy outside her home? or does she just come from a household where they are vegan? regardless, she can make her own choices about food if she's old enough to have a sleepover. i think you should stop making meat exclusively, that's a bit odd, but you should offer them a variety of foods and ask what she wants and she can decide. the key here is giving the kid some agency in what she is fed.	yta. not your place to decide how someone else raises their kid. if you think there’s an issue, talk to them. if you think the issue borders on abuse, talk to the authorities.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	INFO	YTA	0.007204	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet. so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her. i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats). aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter and her friend m are both 12 years old and like to have sleepovers every now and then. m's family maintains a strict vegan diet where she isn't even allowed to drink milk. her parents are nice people although a bit on the neurotic side. m is bright young girl and she's a good friend to my daughter but i noticed how much smaller and paler she is compared to my daughter. i think it's likely tied to her family's diet. so whenever she is over i always make a big meaty meal for them. last weekend i made some cheeseburgers and steak for them on the grill with a big glass of milk. m absolutely loves it and always politely asks for more (which i happily provide). for snacks i give them some of my venison jerky. for breakfast i typically make a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon again with a big glass of milk. despite her size m always wolfs down whatever i make. and i have to say everytime she leaves it looks like she has a healthy glow to her. i know i probably shouldn't be doing this but i think m is a bit malnourished (nothing against vegans or anything). she knows she'll get in big trouble if she tells her folks. (i think she fibs a bit to her parents about what she eats). aita for letting my daughter's vegan friend eat meat? [/INST] yta "i think m is a bit malnourished" is where i deemed you the asshole. you are absolutely judging her family, and her family's diet, and you are doing this out of some misguided form of activism. you think you're the hero here saving her from some injustice. it'd be one thing if you were maybe just trying to make the kid happy one time and keeping a little secret -- but you're doing this to make a statement. you're actively and defiantly disrespecting her parents. </s>
AITA for not inviting one child from my daughters class to a party?	my (28 female) and husband (29 male) have a daughter payton (7 female). payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. we invited the whole class except one student. the student we did not invite has bullied payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). obviously payton doesn’t want this kid at her party. the other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top). i explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). the mother said i’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. i disagreed. the mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write payton a letter we could reconsider. i told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time i see the mom. aita? edit for questions: invitations were not handed out in the classroom. i handed them to parents directly. i’ve seen a few people ask exactly what kind of bullying has occurred. so i’ll give a couple examples from last year and this year. - one time payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc. - payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t “pretty”. - she has told payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. the other girls told her to let payton play so when it was payton’s turn the girl purposely got her “out” by not swinging the rope nicely. the teacher saw that happen. - she’s called payton a cry baby. and this is only a couple of the incidents that happened.	20,061	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y27o37/aita_for_not_inviting_one_child_from_my_daughters/	2022-10-12 15:58:19	nta here’s why. your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. this is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. which i guess is understandable but here is the thing mum didn’t offer an apology before the party. didn’t pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. she is only doing it now because her kid is the “victim” my main reason is because your kid deserves not to be walking on egg shells at her party. and i absolutely loath when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies/abusers. children or not. your child deserves to feel safe.	nta her kid has bullied yours so of course payton doesn’t want her there. this is a great time for the bullies mom to teach them that actions have consequences.	nta. "i'm sorry mom, but the time to correct your child's behavior towards my daughter was ages ago when we had multiple meetings about the way she bullies my kid".	with all due respect, your daughter has bullied my daughter...so much so that we have had meetings with the school about it. to date, that behavior has not stopped. your child is not welcome at the party because of her behavior. my daughter deserves to have her birthday party without having to worry that her bully is going to make fun of her or bully her in any way. i am sorry that your daughter is upset but my responsibility is to look out for my child, not yours. nta	nta you aren’t teaching your child to be a bully, only to not socialize with bullies. lol. forced apologies aren’t useful to any situation. the other mother needs to move on somewhere. perhaps take the time to teach her daughter that actions have consequences and no one wants the company of a bully	am i the only one who thinks it’s weird that a 7yr old has a rep of throwing “over the top” parties?	nta. why didn’t the mum offer this apology before when the bullying happened multiple times? she’s only doing it to get what she wants - which will teach her child that she can behave badly and her mom will fix it. great way to raise an entitled child who never faces consequences or is truly contrite.	retired psychologist here. based upon your comments i’m going to say that this is one of the few appropriate reasons to exclude a single child from a party. the bullying issue has been ongoing and has not improved despite meetings and conversations with parents and school, right? why on earth would it ever be expected that you would invite your daughter’s bully to your home to celebrate the life of your daughter? you do not have to invite anyone to your home that you aren’t comfortable having there and this kid (and her mother) fit the bill. it would be a horrible violation of your daughter’s boundaries to bring her school bully into her safe place, her home. and why would anyone think the behavior wouldn’t continue at the party? there is no suggestion of impending behavior change or remorse, just a kid who is mad at their exclusion from fun. i think this sounds like a very important lesson to be learned for the bully, as natural consequences (being left out of fun because you’re mean) are excellent motivators for change….though her mother’s stance leads me to suspect that she isn’t going to support her daughter in the way she needs, and that is sad. that mother needs to recognize and support her daughter’s sadness and disappointment while helping her to understand that this is a natural consequence to bullying behavior. unfortunately, bully mom seems to not “get it” herself, which is unfortunate for the bully as she obviously needs much more than she is getting at home. but you know what? your concern is payton and her safety, followed by her comfort. if anyone asks about the bully’s exclusion from the party i would show compassion but wouldn’t mince words; tell them that it’s actually pretty sad you had to exclude her but that there has been a long-standing issue with bullying and you couldn’t possibly invite payton’s bully to ruin her celebration, as payton has to feel safe in her own home. something that shows compassion toward the bully but that is firm on maintaining boundaries for payton. most people will get it. nta and i support all of your choices.	nta. you're teaching your daughter to draw boundaries when someone is mean, and you're teaching her daughter that actions have consequences. with the mother's enabling attitude, i'm not shocked her daughter is how she is. an apology for the purpose of attending a party is not an apology	nta so the mother knows that her daughter bullies payton, and is mad at you? payton doesn’t want her bully at her party. i’m sure the bully will ruin the day one way or another. the people at the party need to be nice and support the birthday girl. if she’s going to treat payton like shit, then she needs to understand there are consequences to her actions. 7 is old enough to understand the consequences of bullying. the mother is an enabler to her daughter.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (28 female) and husband (29 male) have a daughter payton (7 female). payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. we invited the whole class except one student. the student we did not invite has bullied payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). obviously payton doesn’t want this kid at her party. the other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top). i explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). the mother said i’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. i disagreed. the mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write payton a letter we could reconsider. i told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time i see the mom. aita? edit for questions: invitations were not handed out in the classroom. i handed them to parents directly. i’ve seen a few people ask exactly what kind of bullying has occurred. so i’ll give a couple examples from last year and this year. - one time payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc. - payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t “pretty”. - she has told payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. the other girls told her to let payton play so when it was payton’s turn the girl purposely got her “out” by not swinging the rope nicely. the teacher saw that happen. - she’s called payton a cry baby. and this is only a couple of the incidents that happened.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (28 female) and husband (29 male) have a daughter payton (7 female). payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. we invited the whole class except one student. the student we did not invite has bullied payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). obviously payton doesn’t want this kid at her party. the other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top). i explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). the mother said i’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. i disagreed. the mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write payton a letter we could reconsider. i told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time i see the mom. aita? edit for questions: invitations were not handed out in the classroom. i handed them to parents directly. i’ve seen a few people ask exactly what kind of bullying has occurred. so i’ll give a couple examples from last year and this year. - one time payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc. - payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t “pretty”. - she has told payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. the other girls told her to let payton play so when it was payton’s turn the girl purposely got her “out” by not swinging the rope nicely. the teacher saw that happen. - she’s called payton a cry baby. and this is only a couple of the incidents that happened. [/INST] nta here’s why. your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. this is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. which i guess is understandable but here is the thing mum didn’t offer an apology before the party. didn’t pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. she is only doing it now because her kid is the “victim” my main reason is because your kid deserves not to be walking on egg shells at her party. and i absolutely loath when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies/abusers. children or not. your child deserves to feel safe. </s>
AITA for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?	the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?	24,318	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu8tm5/aita_for_leaving_after_being_told_to_be_quiet_at/	2022-11-13 17:55:31	nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries. also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.	nta your bf should have warned you before going. how does that meal even help you meet them? i feel a different activity would have made more sense.	nta your boyfriend is ta for not warning you that his family is weird af.	nta your boyfriend should have warned you in advance that you weren't allowed to speak at the table in his family. and when it came apparent that you didn't know that was a thing, they could have calmly explained except of shushing you or sending you to the kitchen like a child. i would have left as well, tbh.	i would not want to be a part of this family.	i mean i am going with nta because 1) bf didn’t warn you beforehand 2) because when spoke they just hushed you instead of…idk…taking 10 seconds to explain the rule? i think you were put in an incredibly awkward situation and therefore didn’t really know how to react? also i am someone who laughs when nervous or uncomfortable so i too would of been in trouble. also i could not have dinner with a family who says absolutely no speaking at the dinner table. i would be incredibly uncomfortable only hearing other peoples eating noises.	nta it’s weird that your boyfriend didn’t give you a heads up though.	info: is this a common practice where you are? is it more of an outdated tradition you knew of and had never seen or had you never come across this before? if it were me in my country i’d absolutely say you’re not an asshole - i’m not sure i could’ve kept a straight face over such an absurd and outlandish request - but that’s on the basis of the cultural norms of the countries i’ve lived in. it really depends on how common this is in your country and how reasonable it was for you to not know about it/for them to expect it.	nta cause your bf should've given you a heads up about this unusual tradition	nta they told you to be silent in the rudest, weirdest power play possible. then had the nerve to tell a grown woman to eat alone as a punishment, as if they have the right to punish you. his family is toxic. this isn't conservative. it's insane. these are the isolated christian types that use it as an excuse to lord power over others. they're obsessed with control and i would bet money that this is only the tip of the ice berg with their unhinged demands. avoid them op. nothing good will come from that kind of dynamic.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> the title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but i’m still conflicted. my (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) never met them prior to that. the only thing i knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people. and they were. i got along really well with them, before dinner. they were lovely and talkative. when it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. after praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” this is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. my understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. i wouldn't say its a cultural thing, though. i dug in, took a bite. it was fish soup. absolutely delicious. and y’know, like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook. “this is delicious - is it saffron? a perfect autumn soup!” my bfs brother looked surprised. my bfs father hushed me. big time. a really aggressive shhh with a finger over his lips. and then he said, again, “let the food keep us quiet.” i aplogised because i thought i had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. but a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. my bf was also unusually quiet. after a few minutes i was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. and his mother did the hush thing? so awkward. i think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. let the food keep us quiet. really quiet. but this was a super awkward situation, and i couldn’t deal with that. imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. so i laughed, it just slipped out. ended up being told off by bfs parents that i was being disrespectful etc. and if i didn’t respect how their household worked i could eat alone in the kitchen. (we were eating in like a separate dining room.) sooo i thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at. my boyfriend later told me that was an asshole move, that i should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. i understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. i just couldn't take it anymore. was i being an asshole though? [/INST] nta. he could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don't dine in monasteries. also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone. </s>
AITA for not helping an obese woman get up after she refused my help the first time?	i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first?	22,898	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cszar8/aita_for_not_helping_an_obese_woman_get_up_after/	2019-08-20 13:59:14	nta if someone says "don't touch me", you do not touch them.	nta. she literally told you twice not to touch her. why the fuck would you want to help someone who turned it down twice in such a rude way? you owe this woman nothing, you tried to be nice, she snapped at you. turns out people stop wanting to help you when you're a jerk to them! who knew? sometimes i wonder how many people on this sub go through life letting themselves get walked over by strangers just so they can claim to be the "bigger person." you're not an asshole for refusing to help someone who was rude to you.	nta there's actually legal ramifications and whatnot behind this. you did the right thing by refusing to help after she verbally refused service. if something went wrong medical-wise, she could have filed a lawsuit against you. note to everyone: never ever ever ever ever (x a billion) help any accident victim who refuses help the way this lady did. they might be running a scam but you have to protect your own neck instead of being a "good samaritan".	nta by any chance are you a man and the barista is a woman? maybe the obese woman just wanted women to help her. you offered to help and followed her request when she denied, i don't see how you're ta here	nta. if you had touched her after she said not to, that could have gone poorly for you.	joining the downvoted, but esh, sorry. have you ever fallen--like full blown splat, tumbled, sprawled--in front of people as an adult? it's embarrassing. the first thing you want to do is get up, but like a 2-year-old, you want to get up by yourself. she wasn't angry at you. she was mad at herself on many levels and hugely embarrassed. should she have been more gracious? definitely. but for you to just sit there after watching ~~after~~\--that's what changes this from not the a to everyone is.	nta - that was a setup for a lawsuit if i've ever seen one.	esh- she was probably very embarrassed and just lashed out at you. she shouldn’t have done that. however, once you saw that she and others were struggling you should have helped.	nta, you offered to help and she refused it, that’s on her. don’t give a shit what some judgemental assholes who don’t know the facts think.	you look like an asshole to other people, but in reality i'm gonna say you're nta because you did offer to help and the lady initially rudely refused your offer. it doesn't matter if the barista and other people asked for your help, it would still be the same thing as the woman asking for your help.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i was at a coffee shop and a woman came in with a scooter. at a certain point she went to the restroom, she left the scooter parked outside, went in, and on the way out, as she was trying to get back on the scooter she fell down, pretty bad. as i was near, i rushed to see if everything was ok or to see if something serious happened, cause it was a super loud noise. when she saw me coming near her she said “ don’t touch me i’m fine “, in a really agressive angry voice. i said ok, i just wanted to see if she needed any help, and she replied “ i dont need your help”, again super angry. i wasn’t the only one that got up and got closer to her, but i was the first one, cause i was sitting right by the restroom cool, went back to my table, and saw her struggling to get up. then one of the baristas came, and asked if she could help, the woman tried to get up again and failed, so she let the barista help her. she couldn’t help her alone, as the woman was quite big. so another person went to help, a costumer, but they were still struggling to lift her up. the barista, which was not present when she refused my help, turned to me and asked if i could help and i said “ i was trying to, but she told me to back off, so yeah, i’m good”. i kept sitting down then another costumer came then another working person and then they finally got her up and back on the scooter. they all gave me dirty looks and everything went back to normal am i the asshole for refusing to help her after she was extremely rude and refused my help at first? [/INST] nta if someone says "don't touch me", you do not touch them. </s>
AITA for cancelling mother's day celebration that I arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son?	i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.	39,102	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulcrp6/aita_for_cancelling_mothers_day_celebration_that/	2022-05-08 22:22:26	nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better.	nta. oh my god. op, it’s highly unlikely this is the first time either of them has been nasty to him. you are all he has in this world. please hire a really good shark of a divorce lawyer and divorce this woman asap. you need to protect your son and yourself.	nta your poor son. please tell me you went to talk to him after this. your wife wants your son left out. i'd be having a serious conversation about that. if she doesn't drop it, if she doesn't start treating your son as a part of the family, i hate to say this, but divorce her, because no woman is worth losing your child over. you're a dual package. her excuse about him being an introvert was shite. no way in hell he'd ruin a dinner by being polite and keeping to himself. she just wanted him out of there. please be there for your son. she poked a bad wound with her comments. being reminded you don't have a mother to celebrate on this day is... terrible.	nta. i'm so proud of you for standing up for your son. my gosh, there are so many who wouldn't. kudos, good sir. you're restoring a little bit of faith in humanity for me. your wife and step-daughter have done this to him before, i'm sure of it. i'll bet if you ask him enough times (because he won't want to rock the boat and he thinks it's all his fault right now) he'll finally open up and let you know what's really happened. (now, then, whenever, let him know this isn't his fault.) because of that and her temper tantrums (are you f'n kidding me right now?!), she can go screw herself. get ready for the possibility of divorce. sorry, but keep it in the back of your mind just in case. i don't like bullies who keep their actions secret and that's what she and her daughter (not yours, never yours if she can do this to her "brother") are doing to your son. that poor kid's been through enough. time to do right by him and you. i hope things get better for you and him.	cancel a party?! hell i would leave her for talking to my child that way. what is wrong with that woman?	nta. but have you talked with your son? this can’t be the first time they’ve ganged up on him. i would be concerned that he’s being bullied by them when you’re not around	nta. she showed you who she was. let her stay gone.	nta. your wife and step daughter on the other hand...	nta - just think of all of the things she has said to your son over the years that you werent lucky enough to have overheard??!!	nta. this is irreparable damage, in my opinion. i wouldn’t want that woman around my son anymore. (i’m a bonus mom and if i spoke to my bonus son that way i would expect my husband to divorce me.)	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (m/37) have a 13 y.o son. i was a widower when i met my now wife. she has a 16 y.o daughter from another relationship. the family is often on pretty good terms. my son is the quiet one in the house, he keeps to himself a lot but not to the point of being concerning. my wife and stepdaughter are the complete opposit. they both encourage him to be outgoing and share activities and join gatherings with extended family. my son complained about having to be forced out of his comfort zone and having his need for space invalidated. i spoke to both my wife and stepdaughter and asked them to give him space and freedom to spend his time however he wanted. they apologized and promised to let him be. as mother's day was approaching i wanted to throw my wife a surprise mother's day celebration. it was no longer a surprise because my stepdaughter gave her the heads so she could prepare. yesterday i got off work earlier than usual to get final arrangements done (we planned to celebrate at the restaurant and invited her family there) i had the key and while i was entering the house through the front door i overheard my wife and stepdaughter talking to my son. my wife was asking my son if he could convince me to let him stay home and not go with them to the restaurant to celebrate. i paused and decided to keep listening. my son said why and she told him that his introverted and socially inept "attitude" will make her family uncomfortable and will ruin the mood. he promised her that he'd be well behaved and would try to interact and socialize with everyone but she said that she wasn't buying it. he kept reassuring her but she snapped and told him that technically, she's not his mom so she didn't get why he wanted to celebrate mother's day with her so badly. my stepdaughter threw some (i don't remember) backhanded comment and then both of them were shocked to see me standing there. both were staring without saying anything. i told my son and his stepsister to go to their rooms then told my wife that the celebration was off, cancelled. she tried to argue asking why repeatedly and i told her why. she tried to explain that she didn't mean it like that and that i only heard part of the conversation but not all of it. i told her i was done arguing and the decision was already made. she yelled asking what she was going to tell her family and said that i was making tremendous mistake towards her. i ignored her while she kept throwing tantrum after a tantrum. early this morning she took my stepdaughter and went to stay with her folks. not a single call or text from her so far. situation is full of tension. i'm upset still but more hurt to be honest. i mean yes i did say i was going to havw this celebration but i thought that what she said to my son was too harsh to ignore. [/INST] nta. guarantee they have done this before. circle the wagons, protect your son. such disgusting abuse from your wife upon your son. to make it even worse, she is raising her daughter to be cruel and exclusionary. your son deserves so much better. </s>
AITA for making my pregnant SIL sleep on an air mattress?	my partner and i bought a house this summer, and for thanksgiving we’re hosting my parents-in-law, my sister-in-law (sil), and her husband. sil is due with her first baby at the end of february. the plan is to have parents (in their late 60’s) sleep in our guest bedroom on a proper frame and mattress. that leaves our office, with an air mattress (a decent one, but still) for sil and her husband. last time sil visited overnight a few months ago, we had other guests already staying in the guest bedroom for several weeks and felt it would be a lot to have them move all their personal items, so we gave her the air mattress again. she made a big deal about how pregnant people should get priority sleeping arrangements, even if it means uprooting someone for a night. she recently mentioned to my partner that maybe she and her husband should take our master bedroom when they come in a few days for the holiday. i’ve never been pregnant, and i can respect that maybe you just want some damn comfort as you grow a human. however, i think my judgment may be clouded by my annoyance that she historically makes a stink about getting what she wants, pregnant or not. further, i currently live long-distance from my partner, and i am only home for the week. i just want to enjoy the visit, appreciate the home we’ve bought and sleep in my master bedroom, dammit. aita?	19,564	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e106s0/aita_for_making_my_pregnant_sil_sleep_on_an_air/	2019-11-24 15:55:28	nta. if i was 6 months pregnant i would not be 'sleeping' on air mattress for any damn reason. it can be hell to get to sleep in your own bed, with a million pillows and everything set just right- and everything probably already hurts. with that said, they can get a hotel or they can stay home if they don't like what you have to offer. it's fucking ridiculous of her to invite herself into your bed instead.	nta >she recently mentioned to my partner that maybe she and her husband should take our master bedroom when they come in a few days for the holiday. man, it takes some balls to ask the person whose home you're staying in to give up their own room/bed. i would stay in a hotel room before i'd even ask, because that just seems rude af. in the situation here, i'd ask my parents to give me the guest room before i'd ask for the master. again, i'd get a hotel before i'd even ask, and if it was offered, it would take a whole lot of insisting.	i know reddit loves ragging on entitled pregnant women so this might get lost, but yta. when a woman is heavily pregnant it can be near impossible for her to find a comfortable position to sleep. some even need special pillows for the last months. even if your sil has acted entitled in the past, she’s right about this particular issue.	how's about - put it to the all the in laws to decide themselves who sleeps in the guest bed and who on the air mattress. they're adults and they are all the ones effected. they've got options don't offer your own bed.	nta she can always sleep in a hotel room.	esh. i understand that it’s your house and she has a history of being needy, but i’m currently pregnant and there’s no way i could sleep on an air mattress. sleeping on a nice mattress is hard enough	at the risk of downvotes, yta. are they only staying the one night? i would absolutely offer my own bed to my pregnant sil for the night and take the air mattress. they’re your guests. are you obligated to? of course not, but it would be a very nice and considerate thing to do for someone during the holidays with little to no major affect to you.	boy i have a hard time not calling you the asshole, because i know you technically don’t have to, but i can not imagine ever telling a pregnant guest in my home to sleep on an air mattress. just, wow what a slap in the face. that’s me though i guess, which is why i didn’t vote, everyone is allowed to decide what kind of host they would like to be.	esh. she seems to generally be a jerk, but in this specific case, she’s not being dramatic. sleeping on an air mattress in the third trimester is an absolute non-starter. the elderly parents would likely have an easier time getting up and down - and have to do it less frequently - than she would. you’re in your rights to refuse to give up your bed but what you’re offering as adequate hospitality in this case is the equivalent of offering a thin blanket on a hardwood floor to a healthy non-pregnant person. to avoid assholery, you should have framed this whole thing differently from the beginning: “we’d love so much to see you, but unfortunately we don’t have enough beds for everyone, and of course an air mattress won’t work for you right now! what about x hotel nearby?” no one could fault that. but “suck it up, everyone prefers comfort and it’s my house, an air mattress should be totally acceptable to you and you’re entitled for saying it’s not” is not a great approach to the situation.	yta. i think your judgment is clouded by dislike of her. it's not cool to expect a pregnant woman to sleep on the floor on an air mattress. speaking as a person who has been pregnant twice, i can tell you it's difficult to get up and down off the floor, it's hard to sleep through the night even with extra pillows. i had to buy a new bed and mattress during my first pregnancy because i could no longer physically tolerate sleeping on my cheap old one and was losing my mind from discomfort and lack of sleep. she should have the guest bedroom and the parents-in-law should have the air mattress. if it's not good enough for people in their sixties who aren't disabled, it's nowhere near good enough for a pregnant woman at the start of her 3d trimester.	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	NTA	ESH	YTA	null	ESH	YTA	0.683457	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my partner and i bought a house this summer, and for thanksgiving we’re hosting my parents-in-law, my sister-in-law (sil), and her husband. sil is due with her first baby at the end of february. the plan is to have parents (in their late 60’s) sleep in our guest bedroom on a proper frame and mattress. that leaves our office, with an air mattress (a decent one, but still) for sil and her husband. last time sil visited overnight a few months ago, we had other guests already staying in the guest bedroom for several weeks and felt it would be a lot to have them move all their personal items, so we gave her the air mattress again. she made a big deal about how pregnant people should get priority sleeping arrangements, even if it means uprooting someone for a night. she recently mentioned to my partner that maybe she and her husband should take our master bedroom when they come in a few days for the holiday. i’ve never been pregnant, and i can respect that maybe you just want some damn comfort as you grow a human. however, i think my judgment may be clouded by my annoyance that she historically makes a stink about getting what she wants, pregnant or not. further, i currently live long-distance from my partner, and i am only home for the week. i just want to enjoy the visit, appreciate the home we’ve bought and sleep in my master bedroom, dammit. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my partner and i bought a house this summer, and for thanksgiving we’re hosting my parents-in-law, my sister-in-law (sil), and her husband. sil is due with her first baby at the end of february. the plan is to have parents (in their late 60’s) sleep in our guest bedroom on a proper frame and mattress. that leaves our office, with an air mattress (a decent one, but still) for sil and her husband. last time sil visited overnight a few months ago, we had other guests already staying in the guest bedroom for several weeks and felt it would be a lot to have them move all their personal items, so we gave her the air mattress again. she made a big deal about how pregnant people should get priority sleeping arrangements, even if it means uprooting someone for a night. she recently mentioned to my partner that maybe she and her husband should take our master bedroom when they come in a few days for the holiday. i’ve never been pregnant, and i can respect that maybe you just want some damn comfort as you grow a human. however, i think my judgment may be clouded by my annoyance that she historically makes a stink about getting what she wants, pregnant or not. further, i currently live long-distance from my partner, and i am only home for the week. i just want to enjoy the visit, appreciate the home we’ve bought and sleep in my master bedroom, dammit. aita? [/INST] nta. if i was 6 months pregnant i would not be 'sleeping' on air mattress for any damn reason. it can be hell to get to sleep in your own bed, with a million pillows and everything set just right- and everything probably already hurts. with that said, they can get a hotel or they can stay home if they don't like what you have to offer. it's fucking ridiculous of her to invite herself into your bed instead. </s>
AITA for giving my sister-in-law baby formula?	i'm going to start my post by saying that i don't have kids and i have no experience with babies or motherhood or children. i'm 18 and beyond being around them in group settings where at least one of the parents and a ton of other people are around that's it. just for some context to my post. my brother's wife had a baby 17 days ago. i didn't go visit them yet but my brother and sil sent me some pictures. my brother said our cousin rachel was around a lot because my sil is having trouble breastfeeding and rachel is a big believer in it and is helping her. i offered to help them if i needed it and on saturday they asked me to go to grocery store for them because no home delivery had an open spot. when i dropped the food off i was shocked at how bad my sil looked. she literally looked like the walking dead. barely awake and not showered and she was actually crying because she was so frustrated. it actually scared me how bad she looked. at first i didn't want to butt in but it bothered me so much i went back to the store and got a can of baby formula. i figured it would give her a break and my niece could eat. it was even worse when i gave it to my sil because i said it was no big deal if my niece got formula, it wasn't a problem. my sil broke down and i was honestly scared because she was weeping. like in the movies when someone dies kind of weeping. no one told her it was okay not to breastfeed. she felt so guilty because of rachel butting in and no one telling her formula was okay. i actually ripped my brother a new one because he sat back while my sil suffered. there was no way he didn't see how bad she looked (no offense but she looked terrible). i got my sil to shower after my niece ate and fell asleep and i changed the sheets on the bed and told my sil to sleep while my niece slept and i said i would get more baby formula. i thought i did the right thing because my sil actually stopped crying, showered and slept and the next three days she looked better and didn't cry again. my niece gets full. my idiot brother smartened up and told rachel to stay away and everyone else especially our parents and sils parents to butt out. they take turns feeding so they both can sleep. my parents and rachel are furious at me. sils sister was in agreement with rachel and left me an angry voicemail full of swearing. rachel basically had sil holding the baby while topless 24/7 and my dumbass brother sat there and didn't help with the baby at all. rachel breastfed all her kids until they could walk and talk and never had problems but my sil obviously did. my dad said i overstepped and should not have butted in. normally i'm big on myob but this time i was scared shitless after seeing sil on saturday. since i'm not a mother or baby expert i have no idea what it is like with a newborn. i'm second guessing now after feeling like i did the right thing because everyone is angry with me and say i should myob.	22,149	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qgg2v8/aita_for_giving_my_sisterinlaw_baby_formula/	2021-10-26 20:58:04	nta. you probably saved the baby’s life. husband should have taken her to the hospital and they would have probably done the same thing, giving the baby formula. some people are so smug about thinking they are right they ignore the facts under their noses.	nta. the “breast is best” crowd seem all too willing to allow suffering but the reality is “fed is best” and you did a good thing for your sil and the baby.	nta. i teach developmental psychology and one of the biggest conversations i have with my students each semester is that a fed baby with sane parents is the goal. breastfeeding is often sold as the best/only responsible option, but that just isn’t true. while breastmilk is associated with better short term outcomes, by the time kids are in school there is no significant difference between breastfed and formula kids. you did right by helping your sister-in-law, in that state she couldn’t be the best possible parent for her kid. sometimes we need to be given “permission” to do things in a way that works for us rather than the way society tells us. you gave her that permission.	nta - you have done an amazing thing ! bewildering how an 18 year old with no experience raising babies has more common sense than multiple adults with multiple children. i really hope your brother and sil choose to ignore the input and pressures of others and continue to do what is best for their family	honestly, i think you are a great sil. how supportive you were. not everyone can breastfeed and your sil was being made to feel like a failure. the goal at the end of the day is for the baby to get nutrition. the baby now has a full tummy and mom had a shower and a nap. good job, little sil! nta, not even a tiny bit.	the only person who could conceivably even call you an asshole in this situation is your sil. it can be tricky trying to give advice to new mothers, even with the best intentions. she seems to have genuinely needed and benefitted from your intervention though, and isn’t listed among the many people giving you shit for it, so i assume she’s grateful. fed is best, and everyone who isn’t that baby’s mother can fuck off. you are nta.	nta. not everyone can breastfeed. and outsiders forcing her to do it is not going to be good. if she can't do it, then she should formula feed. fed is best.	nta. breast may be optimal under perfect conditions, but the "must breastfeed or else" philosophy can be downright dangerous when conditions do not support it, as here. your sil was exhausted and miserable, the baby was starving, and the benefits of breastfeeding in this case were clearly substantially outweighed by the toll the effort was taking on both of them. rachel is the ah for pushing "breast or else" philosophy when it was clearly not healthy for either mom or baby. in general, ideologies were made for people, not people for ideologies. if your ideology cannot bend to suit human needs, it will break people, and that is evil.	nta - thank you for doing what 3 adults wouldn't. there are babies that starve to death because they aren't getting enough breast milk and new mothers that end up stressing and pushing themselves into post partum depression over it. i applaud you for stepping up and taking care of the family, getting your niece fed, your sil taken care of, and the new parents into a better healthier way of parenting. you did not overstep, you did not butt in, you did what needed to be done and it doesn't matter what experience you have because you have common sense. it doesn't matter what the cousin or your parents think because it sounds like your brother and sil are happy with your intervention. i would remind anyone that is angry that the health of the baby and mom and the new parents bonding with the baby are what is important and not an argument of formula vs breast milk. congratulations auntie!	nta. the "breast is best" mentality is super toxic. if women can and want to that's great, but no one should feel like they have to breast feed and women that cannot shouldn't be made to feel lesser than. fed is best. mothers feeling sane and in control of their own body is also best.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm going to start my post by saying that i don't have kids and i have no experience with babies or motherhood or children. i'm 18 and beyond being around them in group settings where at least one of the parents and a ton of other people are around that's it. just for some context to my post. my brother's wife had a baby 17 days ago. i didn't go visit them yet but my brother and sil sent me some pictures. my brother said our cousin rachel was around a lot because my sil is having trouble breastfeeding and rachel is a big believer in it and is helping her. i offered to help them if i needed it and on saturday they asked me to go to grocery store for them because no home delivery had an open spot. when i dropped the food off i was shocked at how bad my sil looked. she literally looked like the walking dead. barely awake and not showered and she was actually crying because she was so frustrated. it actually scared me how bad she looked. at first i didn't want to butt in but it bothered me so much i went back to the store and got a can of baby formula. i figured it would give her a break and my niece could eat. it was even worse when i gave it to my sil because i said it was no big deal if my niece got formula, it wasn't a problem. my sil broke down and i was honestly scared because she was weeping. like in the movies when someone dies kind of weeping. no one told her it was okay not to breastfeed. she felt so guilty because of rachel butting in and no one telling her formula was okay. i actually ripped my brother a new one because he sat back while my sil suffered. there was no way he didn't see how bad she looked (no offense but she looked terrible). i got my sil to shower after my niece ate and fell asleep and i changed the sheets on the bed and told my sil to sleep while my niece slept and i said i would get more baby formula. i thought i did the right thing because my sil actually stopped crying, showered and slept and the next three days she looked better and didn't cry again. my niece gets full. my idiot brother smartened up and told rachel to stay away and everyone else especially our parents and sils parents to butt out. they take turns feeding so they both can sleep. my parents and rachel are furious at me. sils sister was in agreement with rachel and left me an angry voicemail full of swearing. rachel basically had sil holding the baby while topless 24/7 and my dumbass brother sat there and didn't help with the baby at all. rachel breastfed all her kids until they could walk and talk and never had problems but my sil obviously did. my dad said i overstepped and should not have butted in. normally i'm big on myob but this time i was scared shitless after seeing sil on saturday. since i'm not a mother or baby expert i have no idea what it is like with a newborn. i'm second guessing now after feeling like i did the right thing because everyone is angry with me and say i should myob.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm going to start my post by saying that i don't have kids and i have no experience with babies or motherhood or children. i'm 18 and beyond being around them in group settings where at least one of the parents and a ton of other people are around that's it. just for some context to my post. my brother's wife had a baby 17 days ago. i didn't go visit them yet but my brother and sil sent me some pictures. my brother said our cousin rachel was around a lot because my sil is having trouble breastfeeding and rachel is a big believer in it and is helping her. i offered to help them if i needed it and on saturday they asked me to go to grocery store for them because no home delivery had an open spot. when i dropped the food off i was shocked at how bad my sil looked. she literally looked like the walking dead. barely awake and not showered and she was actually crying because she was so frustrated. it actually scared me how bad she looked. at first i didn't want to butt in but it bothered me so much i went back to the store and got a can of baby formula. i figured it would give her a break and my niece could eat. it was even worse when i gave it to my sil because i said it was no big deal if my niece got formula, it wasn't a problem. my sil broke down and i was honestly scared because she was weeping. like in the movies when someone dies kind of weeping. no one told her it was okay not to breastfeed. she felt so guilty because of rachel butting in and no one telling her formula was okay. i actually ripped my brother a new one because he sat back while my sil suffered. there was no way he didn't see how bad she looked (no offense but she looked terrible). i got my sil to shower after my niece ate and fell asleep and i changed the sheets on the bed and told my sil to sleep while my niece slept and i said i would get more baby formula. i thought i did the right thing because my sil actually stopped crying, showered and slept and the next three days she looked better and didn't cry again. my niece gets full. my idiot brother smartened up and told rachel to stay away and everyone else especially our parents and sils parents to butt out. they take turns feeding so they both can sleep. my parents and rachel are furious at me. sils sister was in agreement with rachel and left me an angry voicemail full of swearing. rachel basically had sil holding the baby while topless 24/7 and my dumbass brother sat there and didn't help with the baby at all. rachel breastfed all her kids until they could walk and talk and never had problems but my sil obviously did. my dad said i overstepped and should not have butted in. normally i'm big on myob but this time i was scared shitless after seeing sil on saturday. since i'm not a mother or baby expert i have no idea what it is like with a newborn. i'm second guessing now after feeling like i did the right thing because everyone is angry with me and say i should myob. [/INST] nta. you probably saved the baby’s life. husband should have taken her to the hospital and they would have probably done the same thing, giving the baby formula. some people are so smug about thinking they are right they ignore the facts under their noses. </s>
AITA for gifting my sister pictures of my dog?	i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?	31,433	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ef49r2/aita_for_gifting_my_sister_pictures_of_my_dog/	2019-12-24 17:25:07	nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole.	nta - i would love a picture of your dog dressed up	nta pictures of your kids as a christmas gifts is tacky, in my humble opinion. especially to non-grandparents.	yta for not sharing the picture. what the fuck, op? let me see your dog!	op can we see said dog picture	nta it’s tacky of her to complain about a gift like that, it’s clearly funny and she’s an adult	nta.it was a cute funny gift and you followed up with an actual gift that she would like. next year you should get her socks with your dogs face knitted into it or a fleece blanket with your dogs face plastered all over it	nta. if your sister can't take a joke, she can get over it.	due to spez attempting to censor the internet i am leaving this site.	nta. it was a joke, she just didn’t like what it said about her.	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0.04134	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm a bit of a jackass i will admit, but hear me out. so today i was at my parent's house to celebrate christmas eve with my side of the family (as this year i will be spending christmas with my girlfriend's this year). anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. something i should note about my sister is that she loves her children. which is great and i do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. while it's nice, i don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and i know this might sound selfish, but i don't really want them as i don't know what to do with them. they end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was huge. obviously i didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. i never say anything to her as i don't want to offend her and ruin christmas. so that's when i had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. i put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. i love my dog as my child, so i figured i'd gift it to my sister. (i also got her a $25 starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and i wasn't trying to be petty). anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am i supposed to do with this?" without a thought i said, "same thing i do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". which i don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, i thought it was funny, but i need unbiased opinons, aita? [/INST] nta. she got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. that right there makes her the asshole. </s>
AITA for making a big deal about 1 extra credit point on my child's test?	my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday.	29,543	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kb4og9/aita_for_making_a_big_deal_about_1_extra_credit/	2020-12-11 15:18:50	nta. you didn't make a big deal about 1 credit point. you made a big deal out of a teacher that incorrectly told your kid she was wrong when she wasn't, and she wouldn't listen to your daughters explanation. you just taught your daughter that if she's being treated unfairly, you have her back. you did well.	nta lol my own jewish blood boiled at the thought of a [non-jewish] teacher thinking it’s “inclusive” to mark a jewish child’s transliteration of a hebrew word wrong	nta, and what??? your teacher, who is not jewish, is lecturing you and your jewish family on the correct spelling of a holiday she doesn't celebrate? you handled it far more calmly than i would have.	nta. your daughter was correct. the teacher is uneducated. you responded to a teacher trying to pass off her lack of education as a fact when shes just wrong. she also thought mocking a kid was acceptable? heck no report her. that is not inclusive- just insensitive	nta. the way she joked about your daughter not knowing how to spell her own holiday is pretty far over the line. she wants a cookie for being inclusive? fuck that. its not okay to simply add a dreidel song to class and be like yay inclusive while hosting a christmas pageant for all of december, its not a feather in your hat to add chanukah to the spelling test. 😑	nta. the teacher should have known that both are commonly used in america for hanukkah. i would be more upset by her saying to your daughter “you are jewish and don’t know how to spell hanukkah?” that is over the line, judgements, tone deaf, and inappropriate - as well as inaccurate. she could have used this as a teaching moment to the class (and herself) about language and translation, but she chose to be ignorant instead.	nta being inclusive doesnt mean picking and choosing parts you like or want to show/teach kids just because chanukah isnt as commonly used doesnt mean its incorrect, its just not the spelling people tend to reach for for whatever reason a lot of words in other languages and religions have multiple spellings that are all correct and its actually pretty important to teach these kids that there may be more than one way to spell it maybe because of the way the grammar of the language worked or how it gets translated in the first place also hope you have a good chanukah!	nta. if she wants to be "inclusive," she should accept the correction from the person whose holiday it actually is.	aren’t there over half a dozen “correct” ways to spell chanukah? nta	the way i'm interpreting your motivation, it wasn't about the point, it was about the teacher's cultural insensitivity. so nta.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter had a spelling test which included some holiday words for extra credit. one of the words was "chanukah". my daughter spelled it the way i just did, but the teacher marked it wrong and corrected it to "hanukkah". she said to my daughter "you're jewish and you don't know how to spell hanukkah?" i think she meant it jokingly but my daughter was annoyed. my daughter told the teacher that chanukah is correct, but the teacher didn't believe her. i told the teacher that chanukah was also correct and that my daughter should get the point, and the teacher argued with me, saying that hanukkah is more correct because it's more commonly used than chanukah. i said if any spelling is more correct it would be chanukah because the ch represents the sound from the back of the throat you're supposed to make. the teacher agreed to correct the test but seemed really sour about it and said she was just trying to be inclusive. i said i appreciate that but she should keep in mind that if the word isn't in english that there might be multiple acceptable spellings for it and that they should all be given credit. my husband says i overreacted. honestly i probably wouldn't have bothered so much if the word was something else, but i resented the teacher, who isn't jewish, arguing with me and my daughter about how to spell our own holiday. [/INST] nta. you didn't make a big deal about 1 credit point. you made a big deal out of a teacher that incorrectly told your kid she was wrong when she wasn't, and she wouldn't listen to your daughters explanation. you just taught your daughter that if she's being treated unfairly, you have her back. you did well. </s>
AITA for convincing my stepdaughter to not sign a deal?	my stepdaughter (24f) runs a instagram page/ youtube channel with a decent amount of following. she makes some money of it and her father wanted her to sign up with an 'agency'. he had done most of the work and she had a contract in hand. she asked me to take a look at it. i am not a lawyer but i have taken part in some business negotiations. the document was biased against her. they got control over any ip she created, more than half the cut of all her earnings and their marketing commitment was very vaguely defined. they only benefit of the contract was a 35k up front payment for signing up but which had to be paid back if she failed to meet their content production targets. it was a deal were her upside was limited while their downside was protected. i told her that this deal was shit and she could do much better than whatever this company offered just by working on her own. she is a smart girl and she decided not to sign up. she really doesn't care. she is making money to support herself and do what she likes and has no want to go viral. her father hates that i interfered in his relationship with his daughter. her mother (my wife) is not happy either was as she doesn't want my daughter to be self employed. i feel a bit guilty as i did not mince words when i described the deal, i was furious and the ensuing fallout between her dad and her has strained their relationships. i feel like, i poured fire on a family feud. her father is mad at me for poking my head were it belongs and upstaging him, he doesn't like me a lot anyway as he hates that fact his ex wife married a woman. my wife is miffed that i am encouraging her to continue this career.	19,810	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n9ufn0/aita_for_convincing_my_stepdaughter_to_not_sign_a/	2021-05-11 11:03:56	nta "she asked me to take a look" this right here means there is no way that you could ever be an asshole. your adult step daughter asked you to look at something for her and you did, in good faith. you didn't go out looking to cause a rift, and you didn't stick your nose where it didn't belong. she asked and you were honest with her. that's all that happened here. the fact that both her parents seem ok with a company taking advantage of her is far more concerning to me honestly.	nta. you really gave her good advice. do they know what contract she was signing?	nta she asked you to take a look, you did, gave your opinion, and she decided to not to sign personally, given the dad’s reaction, i’m wondering how much he actually stood to gain from her signing	nta- she asked for your honest opinion and you gave it. also, the fact she came to you for advice implies you are doing something right as a step parent. i do not think you telling her to avoid signing a crap deal is encouraging her in this path but rather protecting her from being taken advantage and forced into it.	nta. your stepdaughter is an adult and asked for your advice, it doesn’t seem like your opinion was unsolicited. if the deal was shit then it was shit and it seems she ultimately made the decision herself. her dad can be annoyed all he wants but again, she’s an adult. she has no obligation to do what her dad wants and if he is pissy enough to let her decision making strain their relationship then that’s on him. also, whilst your wife might not want her daughter to be self-employed it isn’t her decision. parents don’t get to choose their child’s career path.	nta. i used to work with an agency that managed influencers and that was a predatory contract she was about to sign. 10-20% of income is standard for management, and she is the only one who should own her content and ip; except in the case of a brand partnerships, where the brand may want to share ownership or usage rights on the content created for them so they can reuse it on their native channels. and they should pay extra for that privilege. no reputable agency would ask for a contract like that.	nta. she asked you to look over it and advise her and you obliged. good on you for looking out for her by being honest about the deal. i bet her father didn't even read much past the 35k upfront payout.	nta you are the only adult in this family actually looking out for her best interests instead of worrying about your bruised ego or what you want her to do with her life. it’s not about you guys it’s about her, as you well know. screw both of them. keep looking out for her, someone clearly needs to.	from this description it sounds like you did not interfere, but that stepdaughter had her doubts and asked for a second opinion. it\`s odd that her own father apparently wants to screw over (financially) his child. and the anger he has is not so much about the alleged intrusion, but rather for missing out on a financial bonus? (guessing here) now, as to the wife, that\`s different - but you could - when both are calm - present the case that it\`s better to be self employed, than bound by a contract with several very negative options for her daughter. i see this not so much as 'encouraging her career' but rather 'help her realize her gut feeling was right, and pointing out why it was right'. so, the only issue you have is make peace with your wife - and keep supporting the stepdaughter here - as it seems her father does not have her best interests at heart. nta	nta no one should ever sign a contract without reading it thoroughly and most of the time a lawyer should look at it too. you did well.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepdaughter (24f) runs a instagram page/ youtube channel with a decent amount of following. she makes some money of it and her father wanted her to sign up with an 'agency'. he had done most of the work and she had a contract in hand. she asked me to take a look at it. i am not a lawyer but i have taken part in some business negotiations. the document was biased against her. they got control over any ip she created, more than half the cut of all her earnings and their marketing commitment was very vaguely defined. they only benefit of the contract was a 35k up front payment for signing up but which had to be paid back if she failed to meet their content production targets. it was a deal were her upside was limited while their downside was protected. i told her that this deal was shit and she could do much better than whatever this company offered just by working on her own. she is a smart girl and she decided not to sign up. she really doesn't care. she is making money to support herself and do what she likes and has no want to go viral. her father hates that i interfered in his relationship with his daughter. her mother (my wife) is not happy either was as she doesn't want my daughter to be self employed. i feel a bit guilty as i did not mince words when i described the deal, i was furious and the ensuing fallout between her dad and her has strained their relationships. i feel like, i poured fire on a family feud. her father is mad at me for poking my head were it belongs and upstaging him, he doesn't like me a lot anyway as he hates that fact his ex wife married a woman. my wife is miffed that i am encouraging her to continue this career.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my stepdaughter (24f) runs a instagram page/ youtube channel with a decent amount of following. she makes some money of it and her father wanted her to sign up with an 'agency'. he had done most of the work and she had a contract in hand. she asked me to take a look at it. i am not a lawyer but i have taken part in some business negotiations. the document was biased against her. they got control over any ip she created, more than half the cut of all her earnings and their marketing commitment was very vaguely defined. they only benefit of the contract was a 35k up front payment for signing up but which had to be paid back if she failed to meet their content production targets. it was a deal were her upside was limited while their downside was protected. i told her that this deal was shit and she could do much better than whatever this company offered just by working on her own. she is a smart girl and she decided not to sign up. she really doesn't care. she is making money to support herself and do what she likes and has no want to go viral. her father hates that i interfered in his relationship with his daughter. her mother (my wife) is not happy either was as she doesn't want my daughter to be self employed. i feel a bit guilty as i did not mince words when i described the deal, i was furious and the ensuing fallout between her dad and her has strained their relationships. i feel like, i poured fire on a family feud. her father is mad at me for poking my head were it belongs and upstaging him, he doesn't like me a lot anyway as he hates that fact his ex wife married a woman. my wife is miffed that i am encouraging her to continue this career. [/INST] nta "she asked me to take a look" this right here means there is no way that you could ever be an asshole. your adult step daughter asked you to look at something for her and you did, in good faith. you didn't go out looking to cause a rift, and you didn't stick your nose where it didn't belong. she asked and you were honest with her. that's all that happened here. the fact that both her parents seem ok with a company taking advantage of her is far more concerning to me honestly. </s>
AITA for not taking my daughter to the movies	i have a 14 year old daughter who's a massive anime fan. in the beginning of october she asked me if i could take her to see it saying she would pay for her ticket. i told her to remind me. so when opening night came on the friday before halloween she asked could we still go. i told her no because it was cold and rainy i told her we could go on halloween. when halloween came around we were gonna see it that night my my 3 other kids wanted to go to the preserve for trick or treating. she didn't take it too well. i told her that it just came out and we could see it next saturday day but turns out i had an over night shift i had to work that night so i told her in sunday we could go sunday came around she was excided because it was finally time for her to see it but since that morning i didn't get as much sleep as i planned i told her we could go on thrusday since she was off that day. she kept asking me when we were going but i told her i would take her but her sister didn't wanna go on the weekend (her sister hates anime) almost a mouth went by and my daughter is really made at me she stopped smileling and most of the time stays in her room and doesn't even talk to me any more. i told my daughters that i was going to the movies to see a movie with a friend and my daughter look devastated. she asked when was i gonna take her to the movies i told her i didn't know and with that ask went to her room for the night. the next day it was evening i went to check on her and i saw her laying on her bed on her phone in pitch black darkness. i told her to get over herself and get outta bed the look she gave me made me feel kinda guilty. am i the asshole?	5,723	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r2xthh/aita_for_not_taking_my_daughter_to_the_movies/	2021-11-26 21:57:03	yta things that you've made clear are more important than your promise to her: your other childrens preferences mildly inconvenient weather you being a bit tired your own movies and fun you've told her where she stands. she's now (quite reasonably) reevaluating how important your relationship is going to be in the immediate future and when she becomes an adult.	yta. she isn't upset about the movie. she's upset that her parent is a liar.	yta and a liar. what kind of dead beat, loser of a parent constantly lies to their own kid?	yta - she's at that in between age where she is starting to become more independent but still wanting to be with family. you may have just missed out on your last chance to share something like this with her.	yta. multiple layers because you just keep sticking the boot in with your daughter. honestly, just give some money to her so she can go with friends and maybe a parent who gives a shit. she's old enough to go the cinema without an adult and just have someone to drop her off and pick her up. you're not an ah for having an overnight shift by the way, sometimes these things happen. just to quantify the below. this is something your daughter is really excited about. like you say, she's a massive anime fan. no doubt she's been looking forward to this for a long time. the rest of your excuses are weak sauce. how can it be too cold and rainy to go the cinema? it's an indoor activity. how did you not see trick or treat happening with your other kids? pretty major thing to overlook. you didn't sleep well? go to the cinema and have a nap. your daughter won't care and i doubt you snore loudly enough to disrupt a movie, they're generally quite loud. still more... she wanted to go but your other daughter didn't so she doesn't get to go? what the heck is that? a promise broken so many times now you're inventing new excuses. if it wasn't an issue before, it is now. of course the piece de resistance is that you rubbed it in her face that you were going to the movies with a friend. after weeks of failed promises. are you a sadist? you're behaving like a sadist. as if all of the above isn't enough, you told her to get over herself and get out of bed... and it took one look to finally make you feel guilty? what kind of bullheaded emotionless sadistic ah do you to have to be to not see how bad your behaviour has been up this point? how could you have written all you just wrote and not go "hmm... i think i might be the asshole."	yta. where's her father? is she the oldest and helping you raise her siblings?	yta she is upset you are a liar, promising to take her to movies on yet never doing it. also probably for prioritizing other kids.	last week i was exhausted and my seven year old (autistic) child asked me to take her to see a movie. any movie. i didn’t want to and said i would on the weekend. she accepted that but looked sad -to be fair she never asks to do things outside the house. so i asked her why she wanted to go now, she couldn’t answer properly but said she just felt like she wanted to go. so we went. and we had a great time. i was exhausted but her wanting to spend time with me outside the house was special. if i say no too much now, she won’t want to try in a few years. yta - you might not have been able to go the first time but don’t worry, her asking you probably won’t happen again. ever. you are safe from having to live up to your promise and for being the kind of parent a child wants to be seen with in public.	yta (let me clarify your mom is an ass for not following through on her promises, because i feel the daughter wrote this post)	yta, massively. i've lost count of the number of times you broke your word to your daughter. not only have you essentially lied to her, you've prevented her from seeing a movie she really wanted to enjoy. she's 14, you could have let her see it with her friends instead, all you had to do was drop her off. you're a ah, just wanted to make that really clear.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a 14 year old daughter who's a massive anime fan. in the beginning of october she asked me if i could take her to see it saying she would pay for her ticket. i told her to remind me. so when opening night came on the friday before halloween she asked could we still go. i told her no because it was cold and rainy i told her we could go on halloween. when halloween came around we were gonna see it that night my my 3 other kids wanted to go to the preserve for trick or treating. she didn't take it too well. i told her that it just came out and we could see it next saturday day but turns out i had an over night shift i had to work that night so i told her in sunday we could go sunday came around she was excided because it was finally time for her to see it but since that morning i didn't get as much sleep as i planned i told her we could go on thrusday since she was off that day. she kept asking me when we were going but i told her i would take her but her sister didn't wanna go on the weekend (her sister hates anime) almost a mouth went by and my daughter is really made at me she stopped smileling and most of the time stays in her room and doesn't even talk to me any more. i told my daughters that i was going to the movies to see a movie with a friend and my daughter look devastated. she asked when was i gonna take her to the movies i told her i didn't know and with that ask went to her room for the night. the next day it was evening i went to check on her and i saw her laying on her bed on her phone in pitch black darkness. i told her to get over herself and get outta bed the look she gave me made me feel kinda guilty. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have a 14 year old daughter who's a massive anime fan. in the beginning of october she asked me if i could take her to see it saying she would pay for her ticket. i told her to remind me. so when opening night came on the friday before halloween she asked could we still go. i told her no because it was cold and rainy i told her we could go on halloween. when halloween came around we were gonna see it that night my my 3 other kids wanted to go to the preserve for trick or treating. she didn't take it too well. i told her that it just came out and we could see it next saturday day but turns out i had an over night shift i had to work that night so i told her in sunday we could go sunday came around she was excided because it was finally time for her to see it but since that morning i didn't get as much sleep as i planned i told her we could go on thrusday since she was off that day. she kept asking me when we were going but i told her i would take her but her sister didn't wanna go on the weekend (her sister hates anime) almost a mouth went by and my daughter is really made at me she stopped smileling and most of the time stays in her room and doesn't even talk to me any more. i told my daughters that i was going to the movies to see a movie with a friend and my daughter look devastated. she asked when was i gonna take her to the movies i told her i didn't know and with that ask went to her room for the night. the next day it was evening i went to check on her and i saw her laying on her bed on her phone in pitch black darkness. i told her to get over herself and get outta bed the look she gave me made me feel kinda guilty. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta things that you've made clear are more important than your promise to her: your other childrens preferences mildly inconvenient weather you being a bit tired your own movies and fun you've told her where she stands. she's now (quite reasonably) reevaluating how important your relationship is going to be in the immediate future and when she becomes an adult. </s>
WIBTA for not telling my dad that my ancestry DNA results show that he is not my father?	so, (30f) like the title says, my dad isn't my biological father. i confronted my mom and she told me another man who it could be. i looked him up on facebook and i will be damned if i don't look just like him and his other 20 some odd year old daughter. i am also dna linked to his cousin who has taken the test as well. i ask if i'm the asshole here because my mom has given my dad hell in the past for child support. like dragged him through the mud. he's lost his license countless times and had his taxes garnished for years. wibta if i kept my mouth shut on this one? i have zero interest in reaching out to my bio father. ever. he has a wife and 2 kids, one is like 4 years old. i'm not trying to get into someone's life like that. i am afraid of damaging what i have with my dad, the man who raised me. he dislikes my mother so much that a part of me feels like he would go distant if i told him but idk.	3,555	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bq3hou/wibta_for_not_telling_my_dad_that_my_ancestry_dna/	2019-05-18 12:29:55	yta do you dislike your father so much that you won’t tell him the truth? if your mom put him through all of that, he deserves to know the truth. your mom sounds like a terrible person.	ywbta. your mother tormented your father for years over a child that was not his? she sounds evil. tell him asap so he can be recompensed for all the trouble she put him through.	[removed]	yta you wanna be like your mother and lie to that man who has suffered so much in your name you go right ahead. but its a scumbag move like no other.	ywbta if you stay silent. that's pretty cruel to keep that from him, especially after what your ah mother has done to him regarding child support and being a father. the truth is always better in these situations.	info: i don't know where you are, but sometimes child support isn't as simple as who the biological father is. from what i understand, it can be who the mother was married to at the time, or who was listed on the birth certificate, etc, even if a later dna test reveals a different father. (i'm not a lawyer, but i remember seeing something like this in r/legaladvice)	do you have a relationship with your dad? i would say ywbta if you are going to pursue a relationship with your bio dad and you don’t tel him.	nta your mother is a horrible person	ywbta if you don't for the reasons everyone mentioned - though i understand if you're afraid of him up and walking away. but if you really built a relationship with him then that probably won't happen since he knows it's not your fault. question though: > i confronted my mom and she told me another man who it could be. so she knows you know, and just casually and nonchalantly told you and gave you a lead, without pleading or seeming frantic or threatened whatsoever about your dad knowing (or you)? seems like a sociopath. go ahead and tell him.	nta, it sounds like you don’t want to tell him because you view him as your father and don’t want to hurt him. it wouldn’t have mattered for child support anyway assuming he had raised you when you were younger.	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.256629	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, (30f) like the title says, my dad isn't my biological father. i confronted my mom and she told me another man who it could be. i looked him up on facebook and i will be damned if i don't look just like him and his other 20 some odd year old daughter. i am also dna linked to his cousin who has taken the test as well. i ask if i'm the asshole here because my mom has given my dad hell in the past for child support. like dragged him through the mud. he's lost his license countless times and had his taxes garnished for years. wibta if i kept my mouth shut on this one? i have zero interest in reaching out to my bio father. ever. he has a wife and 2 kids, one is like 4 years old. i'm not trying to get into someone's life like that. i am afraid of damaging what i have with my dad, the man who raised me. he dislikes my mother so much that a part of me feels like he would go distant if i told him but idk.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, (30f) like the title says, my dad isn't my biological father. i confronted my mom and she told me another man who it could be. i looked him up on facebook and i will be damned if i don't look just like him and his other 20 some odd year old daughter. i am also dna linked to his cousin who has taken the test as well. i ask if i'm the asshole here because my mom has given my dad hell in the past for child support. like dragged him through the mud. he's lost his license countless times and had his taxes garnished for years. wibta if i kept my mouth shut on this one? i have zero interest in reaching out to my bio father. ever. he has a wife and 2 kids, one is like 4 years old. i'm not trying to get into someone's life like that. i am afraid of damaging what i have with my dad, the man who raised me. he dislikes my mother so much that a part of me feels like he would go distant if i told him but idk. [/INST] yta do you dislike your father so much that you won’t tell him the truth? if your mom put him through all of that, he deserves to know the truth. your mom sounds like a terrible person. </s>
WIBTA if I drove 400 miles to confront my older brother?	i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up. about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out. my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls. we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point. before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname. wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother? edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling. last	13,393	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmv86q/wibta_if_i_drove_400_miles_to_confront_my_older/	2020-07-07 14:10:23	yta for stopping payments without telling your older brother. i would be pretty pissed too if i was in your brother's shoes. i don't think driving out to confront your older brother in person is a good idea. not only because the pandemic is happening but also because you'd be turning up unannounced at his house to confront him. just out of curiosity, why can't your middle brother get a job and support himself? you said nothing's wrong with him. what does he do all day? and why can't he live with your parents if he doesn't want to work?	yta for not telling your older brother. i’m completely on his side. also, i would’ve never agreed to support a lazy ass adult. that’s why he is the way he is - you all enable him. he’s got it good, why change? your brother is totally justified.	>about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. are you kidding? yes, yta!!! and so are your other siblings and your parents. everyone except your oldest brother, really. >my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. and now you're harassing your sil to boot? what is wrong with you? >we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. oh, you mean the family you yourself are not helping? i don't blame your brother for not wanting to talk to you. not only should you not drive to "physically confront him," you should be prostrating yourself before him and his wife to apologize and praying that he's willing to resume a relationship with you one day. your family dynamic is seriously messed up and i applaud your older brother for finally putting his foot down, quite frankly.	yta. you stopped and just expected him to pick up the slack? now that he found out and is mad you want to drive and confront him? the middle brother does need to learn to make it in his own. you all screwed him over and now want his wife to go behind his back. try treating him like family not a bank.	yta your middle brother is a grown ass man. your oldest brother is right sink or swim. i wouldn’t give him a dime ever again. especially since you said your oldest brother who had to do everything for him growing up because your parents didn’t have the good sense to raise their own damn child. all of you except your oldest brother are assholes.	op... you're insane. completely out of your mind. let's review: your parents are the assholes for... * having zero expectations of your middle brother * raising him to believe that his "sensitivity" got him off the hook for all responsibilities both as a child and as an adult * pawning him off onto his siblings and strongarming them into being financially responsible for a grown-ass man because they wanted to retire (boo hoo!) but still couldn't bear to ask him to lift a finger for himself your middle brother is the asshole for... * taking emotional & financial advantage of his siblings for literally his entire life * depending on the rest of his family to bully his oldest brother into submission rather than confronting him on his own * behaving as though he has a disability that prevents him from working to support himself you & your sister are the assholes for... * playing along with your parents' insane coddling of your middle brother & ever agreeing to be put on the hook for supporting him in the first place * not taking your own financial instability as a clue that maybe this arrangement won't work forever and your brother needs to either learn how to swim or be allowed to sink before he drowns all six of you * allowing your oldest brother to unknowingly take on full financial responsibility for the leech that is your middle brother because you know full well how unfair that is to him and are too much of a coward to be honest about it * harassing his wife after he already shut down your bullshit himself and then considering showing up on their doorstep without warning to harass them both further, because for some reason nothing seems to shake you out of the zombie-like servile stupor that your parents have put you in i'm honestly so mad reading this. you're all pathetic (except for your oldest brother; he never should have accepted this arrangement in the first place, but better to put his foot down late than never at all). it's disgusting that you've all been brainwashed into thinking that being a "sweet, sensitive boy" (🤮) excuses what sounds to be a nearly 40-year-old neurotypical able-bodied adult man from making any effort to support himself instead of being a money-sucking parasite to his entire family. the worst people here are definitely your parents, though, for creating a monster and then pushing responsibility for him onto their other children when it became inconvenient for them, rather than helping him to become an actual adult. you'll be lucky if your oldest brother doesn't cut all five of you out of his life entirely. you'd deserve it. please wake the fuck up. oh, and in case it wasn't clear, ywbta. **	i think we are past wibta. yta, along with the rest of the family. it's not the oldest brothers job to support the middle one. it doesn't matter if your parents wanted to retire. if he's that "sensitive" it was their job to figure out a long term plan. and yta again for stop paying along with the other sibling. if you three at least had an agreement to work this out and you stopped without saying anything, i'd be pissed too. it's absolutely not your place to "confront" him. if you do i wouldn't be surprised if he kicks all of you out of his life.	yta hahahaha i love how you called free handouts “payments”	yta. are you seriously considering driving cross-country to demand he pay for something that is 100% not nor never was his responsibility? and you hassled his wife to take your side over his? seriously, read through all that crap again and ask yourself why this is even a question.	ywbta. your older brother is right to be mad. you should drive out there to apologize to him, not guilt trip into financially supporting a lazy bum. your sil and husband are also right. and your middle brother won’t stop until everyone stops enabling his lazy lifestyle. how much your brother makes is completely irrelevant.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up. about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out. my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls. we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point. before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname. wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother? edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling. last	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am one of four siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) we’re all between 30-42 years old and three of us are married except for our one middle brother. middle brother has always had problems in school and socially and when he got older it was being able to keep a job and pay his bills. our mother would always guilt the rest of us into ‘taking care of’ our middle brother financially once we all moved away. we all agreed to equally contribute so the burden wouldn’t fall to our parents who wanted to retire. our oldest brother always hated this idea and resented middle brother for being able to get away with being lazy his whole life and blames our mother for lowering the expectations for this one sibling and always calling him her ‘sweet sensitive boy’. the rest of us were never able to get away with the same things middle brother did, especially older brother who had do everything for him growing up. about a year ago, my sister and i stopped equally contributing to middle brother due to financial difficulties but didn’t tell our oldest brother. he and his wife make significantly more money than us and figured it wouldn’t make any difference financially to them and didn’t want middle brother to get literally nothing. anyway, during a family zoom call our mother casually brings up that her ‘sweet sensitive boy’ needs more help than he’s been given from his family and it came out that older brother is the only one paying and he blew a gasket. he called us opportunists, liars, con artists and lots of other things and finally said ‘fuck you people’ and got off the call and hasn’t spoken to any of us since, not even our parents. he’s missed two payments and middle brother is freaking out. my parents and i tried reaching out to his wife because middle brother will be kicked out of his apartment soon unless we pay. she makes as much money as older brother, if not more and can easily pay but refused. she called us crazy for even asking her to go against her husband like that. now she’s stopped taking our calls. we’re out of options and are considering driving the three states away to confront older brother into helping his family. my own husband thinks this is a bad idea and that we should let middle brother sink or swim at this point. before you ask, middle brother was tested extensively years ago and found he was neurological typical but ‘sensitive’, hence my mother’s nickname. wibta if i drove all the way to physically confront older brother? edit 1. middle brother did have a job before all of the covid closings but it was part time and never enough for both rent and essentials. 2. i misspoke by saying ‘confront’. i was really going there to plead for older brothers help. 3. it turns out to be a bigger deal than i thought because unknown to me, older brother had also been partly paying our parent’s mortgage and our other sisters student loans and has stopped as of july out of spite. i guess my older brother doesn’t care what happens to the rest of us as long as he and his wife are doing ok. i am ta for lying and i accept that, but not for trying to help my middle brother survive when our older brother is fully capable of helping his family, just unwilling. last [/INST] yta for stopping payments without telling your older brother. i would be pretty pissed too if i was in your brother's shoes. i don't think driving out to confront your older brother in person is a good idea. not only because the pandemic is happening but also because you'd be turning up unannounced at his house to confront him. just out of curiosity, why can't your middle brother get a job and support himself? you said nothing's wrong with him. what does he do all day? and why can't he live with your parents if he doesn't want to work? </s>
AITA for excluding one of my girlfriends from girls' night out after he came out as transgender?	first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning. we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita?	14,282	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dbrupz/aita_for_excluding_one_of_my_girlfriends_from/	2019-10-01 11:14:44	yta- you’re not transphobic for not inviting him, you’re transphobic for no longer being comfortable round someone you considered a friend over this transition.	yta because: >because my safety overtakes his feelings. what do you think he's going to do exactly? why would you fear for your safety around him?	look. you're not wrong to stop inviting him along for girls' night. excluding him from that isn't transphobic. inviting him is, because that way, you're invalidating his transition to the male gender and telling him he's just "one of the girls." so he shouldn't be invited to girls nights because he's not a girl anymore. but yta for that last statement. your safety comes first? you know, he's not going to, like, beat you or rape you suddenly. yta for implying he's suddenly dangerous to you.	info: what do you mean by your safety overtakes his feelings? what about your safety is at jeopardy here?	yta. massively. how on earth does him transitioning threaten your safety? excluding him from girls night for no longer being one of the girls is not at all transphobic, not feeling safe around a trans man is what makes this transphobic. do you feel unsafe around every single cis man ever? even if you’ve known them for a long time? or is it just trans men you’re scared of? definitely transphobic, maybe sexist, definitely an asshole.	yta. you “don’t feel comfortable” with your friend anymore because they are trans. that’s transphobic. you’re all assholes.	info - the whole post is about how it’s girls night out so he doesn’t fit, then the last line you bring up your safety? how the fuck does being transgender affect your safety if you don’t mind me asking	yta- i was all the way not the asshole until you brought up safety. how the fuck are you suddenly not safe because he is transitioning? yeah, if she becomes a he, he can no longer join for girls night. that makes complete sense. i doubt there is a nice way of saying that, but girls night - clue is in the name. he can go out with the boys, though, which i’m guessing he would prefer, being that it comes with the territory of changing genders. act like a man, be treated like a man, be a man. but that doesn’t make him unsafe. just wtf.	your friend has reached an incredibly difficult, strenuous part of his life. you can slightly modify your routine to accommodate him, or let him know that he's not important enough in your life to make any sort of small change for him. yta bonus asshole points for saying this, too: >i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feeling	nta. save the bullshit. he isn't a she and so he isn't invited. girls night. you have to be a girl. the end.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.106132	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning. we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> first off it's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. one of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. she has started transitioning & wearing male clothing and wants us to start referring to her using male pronouns instead of female. i have no problem with him being transgender however my other girlfriends and i don't feel comfortable including him in our night outs once he's done transitioning. we don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out. i mentioned this to my bf and he says it's transphobic to exclude him but we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and i think our feelings overtake his. plus in my defense if excluding him is transphobic then girls' night outs are sexist because they exclude men. i don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings. aita? [/INST] yta- you’re not transphobic for not inviting him, you’re transphobic for no longer being comfortable round someone you considered a friend over this transition. </s>
AITA for telling a friend he shouldn’t get a job in a field he wants and that his attitude is horrible.	i (f27) am a librarian at an inner city location. one of the most fundemental parts of the library is that it is for everyone- the ceo to the janitor. anyone is welcome. in my location that does mean we will get homeless people. that is fine. if they are causing a disturbance they will be asked to leave just like anyone else, but otherwise come on in! my area also has an opioid problem, and the library will see overdoses every once in a while. i have administered naloxone twice in the three years at my job. we do community outreach to try and combat this. one of my friends has recently expressed interest in becoming a librarian. i was telling him all about school (masters degrees are becoming more and more require, it was for me), jobs, etc, and how the library has become a real community resource for those in need the past few decades. he asked what i meant by that and i told him pretty much what i said above. he said that that’s disgusting and that he wouldn’t allow people like that to come into the library, and that the library should be for “good people only”. i was shocked! i’ve never known this side of my friend. i bluntly told him that if that’s how he thinks, the job isn’t for him and that his attitude was a horrible one to have. well, he blew up at me and then made some vague statements on social media about “people who try and ruin your goals”. a mutual friend reached out and said i was being rude. i really don’t think i was in the wrong here. honestly, i feel crazy. was i wrong to tell him that? aita?	21,538	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/izofp3/aita_for_telling_a_friend_he_shouldnt_get_a_job/	2020-09-25 18:00:10	nta. crap attitudes don't get you anywhere in life. sucks that he can't see that.	nta when i was homeless the library was a godsend just for daytime shelter.	nta he'd be the kind of librarian that turns people off from going to libraries by letting the "power" of it get to his head.	nta. fellow librarian here, as libraries have to fight more and more to prove they are relevant the social and community service aspect is only going to grow. i remember we had some readings discussing programs where social workers were being integrated into libraries. if this is his outlook, public librarianship is probably not for him. corporate or goverment might be an option, but library jobs are hard to get these days.	nta >“good people only” "so how will you work there if you wont let yourself in?" >a mutual friend reached out and said i was being rude "as rude as someone who hears one side of a story, jumps to conclusions, insults the other parties to the story, that rude?"	nta. i’m also a public librarian. “libraries are for everyone” is basically rule #1 when it comes to public libraries.	nta your friend has no self-awareness and doesn't understand what the purpose of libraries are.	nta wow "good people only"? how can he tell? would they walk in the library with a sign on their forehead or something? lol	chiming in with the rest of the librarians here. you told him what he needed to hear. wait until he finds out people use library computers to watch porn.	nta. exactly how does he expect homeless people to become "good" (what a disgusting judgement there) if they have nowhere to job search, learn, etc?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f27) am a librarian at an inner city location. one of the most fundemental parts of the library is that it is for everyone- the ceo to the janitor. anyone is welcome. in my location that does mean we will get homeless people. that is fine. if they are causing a disturbance they will be asked to leave just like anyone else, but otherwise come on in! my area also has an opioid problem, and the library will see overdoses every once in a while. i have administered naloxone twice in the three years at my job. we do community outreach to try and combat this. one of my friends has recently expressed interest in becoming a librarian. i was telling him all about school (masters degrees are becoming more and more require, it was for me), jobs, etc, and how the library has become a real community resource for those in need the past few decades. he asked what i meant by that and i told him pretty much what i said above. he said that that’s disgusting and that he wouldn’t allow people like that to come into the library, and that the library should be for “good people only”. i was shocked! i’ve never known this side of my friend. i bluntly told him that if that’s how he thinks, the job isn’t for him and that his attitude was a horrible one to have. well, he blew up at me and then made some vague statements on social media about “people who try and ruin your goals”. a mutual friend reached out and said i was being rude. i really don’t think i was in the wrong here. honestly, i feel crazy. was i wrong to tell him that? aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f27) am a librarian at an inner city location. one of the most fundemental parts of the library is that it is for everyone- the ceo to the janitor. anyone is welcome. in my location that does mean we will get homeless people. that is fine. if they are causing a disturbance they will be asked to leave just like anyone else, but otherwise come on in! my area also has an opioid problem, and the library will see overdoses every once in a while. i have administered naloxone twice in the three years at my job. we do community outreach to try and combat this. one of my friends has recently expressed interest in becoming a librarian. i was telling him all about school (masters degrees are becoming more and more require, it was for me), jobs, etc, and how the library has become a real community resource for those in need the past few decades. he asked what i meant by that and i told him pretty much what i said above. he said that that’s disgusting and that he wouldn’t allow people like that to come into the library, and that the library should be for “good people only”. i was shocked! i’ve never known this side of my friend. i bluntly told him that if that’s how he thinks, the job isn’t for him and that his attitude was a horrible one to have. well, he blew up at me and then made some vague statements on social media about “people who try and ruin your goals”. a mutual friend reached out and said i was being rude. i really don’t think i was in the wrong here. honestly, i feel crazy. was i wrong to tell him that? aita? [/INST] nta. crap attitudes don't get you anywhere in life. sucks that he can't see that. </s>
AITA - Wife got my Sister fired	i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?	24,836	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iv4o47/aita_wife_got_my_sister_fired/	2020-09-18 11:57:00	nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about her actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her. sorry, man.	nta for being angry at your wife, but you ywbta if you don’t tell your sister and stay with a horrible woman who treats others like that. one lied about a degree, but from what you’ve written is a very kind woman who gives back to her family and the community regularly. the other is a jealous harpy who couldn’t stand someone without a degree doing well in life because it brought up her own insecurities.	ok so it was totally wrong of your sister to lie about having her ba but unless it is a profession where people’s lives or livelihoods are at risk than i don’t see it as one of the seven deadly sins. your wife though just sounds like an awful person and she herself has lied about her experience before ... ugh. people in glass houses should not throw stones. as for your relationship, i think you need to take a long hard look at the person she is. this particular hill she has chosen to die on (for the principle of it) has actually caused you and the people you love increased hardship. as with any of these stories, i am sure there is more to it than this. that she is mad at you for not standing by her is full on priceless. you are nta.	if your wife wants to act like the degree police, she needs to be upfront about it. that was underhanded and fueled by envy and hate. your wife sounds like a true narcissist and needs to get a grip on why she feels so threatened.	[deleted]	your wife has threatened to leave you? beat her to it....	nta. i don't agree with your sister's to lie and this was a natural consequence of it. your sister gambled that she could get away with a lie, and she lost. i've got very little sympathy for her on that one... however, your wife just set your whole family on fire, treated your sister with contempt and hatred, and that's not reasonable or responsible. your marriage is probably over whether you tell your sister what happened or not. it probably should be. a woman who will do that kind of harm to you sister, your mother, your niece, will do it to you too if she feels justified.	some responses to some questions: my wife visited my sister's linkedin and that's how she figured out that my sister was lying about her degree. as to why i don't help: i've been out of work for the past few months and just started a new job. my wife makes more money than i do, but does not feel it should be our responsibility to help my family out. when i was in rehab my wife's insurance covered 60% of the costs and she didn't not want to go into our savings, so my sister volunteered to pay the rest of the cost.	esh. your wife should mind her own business which makes her the asshole. your sister is an asshole for lying about a ba; no matter how good of a person is, do not lie about accomplishments which aren’t yours. you are the asshole for the fact you keep defending your sister. i kind of understand your wife’s anger; she worked very hard for her degree and your sister just makes one up and is equally successful? kind of see where your wife is coming from edit; thanks for the awards kind strangers :)	nta your wife is an asshole. your sister has been in the field for 2 decades. she's qualified. this isn't some 22 year old with no experience. unfortunately, we live in a society where having a college degree doesn't mean qualified, it's basically just become a minimum bar. and those who can't afford college can't then advance. it's not like your sister is lying about having a medical degree or something (i hope). and the fact that your wife won't "help" with your mother's nursing home fees? she has a "i've got mine" and doesn't care how many people she screws in the process. how do you and your wife address finances in the home? although, 20 years in the field, does your sister actually need to put education on her resume?	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	NTA	null	ESH	NTA	0.034939	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am currently fighting with my wife. she has a high position at a university. she's has her phd and has little respect for people who don't have an education. my sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. probably a bit more than my wife. she doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful; she does lie on her resume saying she has a ba degree. recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in nyc. my wife was so angry when she heard about it. she said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job. flash forward 2 weeks. my sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a ba degree. when i brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know. i was stunned with this news. my sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. she has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. i'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares? i had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. i pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it. now my sister is unemployed and i have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. i have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help. this decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. my sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. she also donates 10% of her income to st. jude's children's hospital. she's a good person who wasn't able to afford college. my wife is livid with me for being angry with her. she says that i should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for. i have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if i tell her. aita for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister? aita for not telling my sister how this happened? [/INST] nta. if your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about her actions, that’s a pretty good indication that she’s ta. also she’s a giant asshole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. she’d rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her shitty actions, which speaks volumes about her. sorry, man. </s>
AITA for calling the cops when my bf's sister left her children with me for a few days which ended with her getting a felony charge?	i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell (	25,905	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijffjm/aita_for_calling_the_cops_when_my_bfs_sister_left/	2020-08-30 16:24:25	nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta	nta. out of the blue for 4 days? i would consider this close to child abandonment.	nta, that is horrifically irresponsible. she didn't let you know she was leaving the kid there for days? she didn't leave enough diapers or food? she didn't rush back when you asked her too? all wrong.	nta. there's a big difference between watching a baby for a few hours while she's running errands and watching a baby for four-five days. she can't do that to you. plus it's certainly not your fault that she was caught with drugs.	nta she ruined her life herself. you were only acting in the best interests of the child during an emergency. of course you call the cops under these circumstances! no food, few diapers, no where for a child to sleep or play...it is not your responsibility to provide any of this after the sil has abandoned her child. even if you could take care of a baby, you had no idea how long sil would be gone or where exactly she was. don't harbor any guilt over this. you did the right thing (though i think pot should be legal so people like your sil don't "lose everything".)	nta- you don’t know how to take care of a baby. even if it really was for a few hours she put her kid in danger and gave no fucks when you made it loud and clear that you could not take care of a baby period point blank. then on top of that she went out and got high and didn’t care one bit about her kid. you did the kid a favor.	nta. she said she would be picking up the baby by the evening, then told you that it would be four days. i can imagine, she probably knew that you’re clueless with kids. she also left the baby with nothing but diapers? or at least, not enough of anything to last more than a few hours, since you mentioned only diapers were left. you were fearful for the child’s safety in your care, and did what you could to get claire home. it’s not your fault that she was off getting high. this is negligent parenting. if she wanted a few days off, she could have scheduled it with you and your bf so that he would be home, and you’d have real warning. so, you’re nta. and she needs to learn how to take care of a kid and be a responsible parent.	nta she abandoned her baby to go on a drug bender and there were consequences to her actions.	everything seems fine to me (since it seems so from your pov, too) until she just hung up and switched her phone off. you do not ever turn your phone off as a parent whos away from the kid. never. and you got the reason right the next moment when you didnt know how and what to feed. would have been a 5 mins call and a major favour from you to just give you a list in what you need and do. instead she just didnt give a fck until the cops did in her stead. 100% nta	nta. 4 days? there had to be more than just some weed smoking going on there. if you called the authorities for a few hours, or if there was other family nearby that could take the baby, then you'd be ta but 4 days is way too long.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell (	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell ( [/INST] nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta </s>
[ Removed by Reddit ]	[ removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]	5,648	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sj7usm/removed_by_reddit/	2022-02-03 02:50:36	yta wearing a beautiful bra wont turn your teenage daughter into a stripper! she's not wearing it to use it as a lure, shes wearing it to boost her confidence and feel good.	yta. stop sexualizing your daughter because she wants a lacey bra. good grief.	yta. your daughter is going through a very transitional time period in a girls life- where she starts to really feel like a woman. you are denying her something she is asking for, something she feels she needs. it’s a bra. no one is going to see it except her, so who cares what it looks like. if you get rid of it, she’ll resent you for it. plus, you went through the bag without her permission. great way to build trust with your daughter. don’t be surprised when she starts hiding other things from you.	yta also the bra is to revealing? is she not wearing a shirt over top of it?	a revealing bra?? op, if someone is seeing you in your bra, you're already doing some revealing. why on earth does a bra need to be not revealing? i think you're being a little prudish with this 'omg it's sexy bra!' thing. what is wrong her having a pretty or feminine or flattering bra? if she wants to get down to underwear with someone, she's probably gonna whether she has a tween bra or a vic secret one, so it's not like you can control things via what underwear she wears. and the truth is (backed by research), most women wear pretty underwear to feel good about themselves and boost confidence, not because they expect anyone else to see it. do your daughter the respect of letting her make choices. i don't really see that marcy needed permission to buy your daughter a practical thing that she both wanted and needed just because you have strnge hangups about what your daughter wears.	yta, why are you policing a teenager's underwear?! what horrible parenting.	um yea yta have you considered it might be a sizing thing? like six months at age 14 is plenty of time for bras to completely stop fitting properly.	yta. while she doesn’t need a really lacy bra, victoria’s secret has plenty of bras appropriate for a teenager. also, she’s starting to show you she’s growing up and asked you first. you said no and then over reacted when she brought home something you didn’t like. be prepared for her to start hiding things from you. big things. if you react this way over a bra, how would you react to her calling you from a party drunk? or asking for birth control? you need to check your priorities. (which should be having open communication with your daughter and not freaking out over little things that really don’t matter)	yta. she's 14. it's time to stop wearing training bras and ones that fit. at least her aunt is paying attention because you aren't.	yta - your daughter just wants to wear something pretty. it's not going to make her promiscuous. her friends probably all wear bras like that, and she's embarrassed of the ones that she's been wearing. if you want her to be open and not hide things from you, you better get with the times. i'm sure there's some happy medium between what she's been wearing (i.e., what you think is appropriate) and what your sister bought her.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: [ removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> [ removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ] [/INST] yta wearing a beautiful bra wont turn your teenage daughter into a stripper! she's not wearing it to use it as a lure, shes wearing it to boost her confidence and feel good. </s>
AITA for giving my son a better life and spoiling him more than his siblings will ever get to be?	brief back ground. about 9 and a half years ago my wife cheated on me, got pregnant, and left me for him. courts gave them custody of our son because single dad vs family. ive since gotten remarried and had a couple kids(7 and 5 and a half), ex and her new man have also had 2 more kids. wife and i both work as engineers and have dang good salaries to put it lightly, ex and new husband havent ever done particularly well. ex wife didnt want me sending my son "lavish" gifts or taking him on the family vacations so her other siblings wouldnt get too jealous and build resentment towards him(her words). meanwhile he was understandably(i feel) upset he wasnt getting as nice a life as my other kids were as he got older. he asked to come live with me, i said yes id love to have him ex wife said no. thank god the courts sided with what my son wanted. since moving in everythings gone fairly smoothly for us. my younger kids love having their big brother around all the time, he loves them, we still go on our vacations every january(though had i known how bad rona was back then id have probably held off this year), for his 16th birthday he got a nice used buick he wanted. since then shits hit the fan with his mom/my ex though. shes pissed how much hes getting and getting to do, keeps texting and calling both of us about how his younger siblings will never be able to get all he has and its not fair and now her kids are upset and how im a horrible dad for forcing his siblings to resent him. i finally told her i dont care i want my kids to have a good life, and if she wants an adulterer hers would have a better life too. did i go too far there?	19,276	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gj1nik/aita_for_giving_my_son_a_better_life_and_spoiling/	2020-05-13 15:53:19	nta they're not your kids. and no one is forcing them to be resentful except her. keep being a good dad to all your kids and don't worry about it.	my older brother just closed on his first house. i’m really happy for him, but it’s pretty unlikely with where i live and what i do that i’ll be able to do the same by the time i’m his age. i just won’t be able to have the same life he has. this doesn’t mean that the solution is for him to give up on his house dreams. you don’t create equality by forcing people to have less so others don’t feel bad. everyone ends up worse off that way. if you feel bad, you can create more good by thinking of little things he can share with the rest of his family—maybe a video game he can play with everyone or nice snacks he can share. or you can do nothing at all. it isn’t your job to keep other kids from envying your son. it’s your ex wife’s job to teach her kids that they can have more too by working hard and getting good jobs nta	nta. you're right. she made her own damn bed... ofc your kid should get treated the same by you as your other kids! and it's amazing you're doing so and have done so, all along it seems. wanna have words with my ex who doesn't treat our son the same as his kids with his now wife? she is basically asking you to treat one of your kids different to the others... total screaming opposite of what a mother should want for their kid!!! she's being a nightmare here. no wonder your son wanted to go live with you, luxuries aside!!	>my younger kids love having their big brother around all the time, he loves them this, above all other things, makes you nta. you're providing for your son and family, and that's commendable. he's also giving back by being a good big bro. it's not your responsibility what your ex thinks or does. you are not responsible for her emotions. >calling both of us about how his younger siblings will never be able to get all he has uh, they will "never" move out, get their own cars and families? also, what a sad and twisted thing to say, putting only value on material things. >now her kids are upset not your problem. >how im a horrible dad for forcing his siblings to resent him. no, she's doing that all by her lonesome.	nta. her kids with her current partner aren't your concern, and shouldn't ever be. the only way they are going to be jealous or resentful about their half-brother is because she is teaching them to be. when you're in a mixed family like yours, kids learn that different families are different. it doesn't mean one parent loves them any more or less. keep the texts for records, but don't stop doing what you're doing. he's your kid, and he chose to live with you- probably because he saw through her toxicity. encourage your son to keep his head up through her bullying. she is bullying you both, and is unacceptable. i have two step-siblings (step-mom's biological kids) who get everything from their dad. even now that they're adults. when we were teenagers in this new family situation, they got the newest phones available- chocolates. yeah, i was kind of envious. but, it stopped at, "man, i wish we could afford that!" no resentment was built, and i was not jealous. my dad and step-mom did well in teaching us that the different parents lead different lives and dynamics. there's no reason for us kids to get angry about it. although my step-mom was angry, i found out when i became an adult. because her ex's sole purpose in buying these expensive things was to demonize her to her children, and try to buy their affection. didn't work out in the end. step-siblings saw right through this manipulation and used it for their advantage. it does not sound like you are manipulating your son with lavish things. you are treating him like you always would. good on you for providing an amazing life for all your kids! shame on your ex for trying to victimize herself and her kids.	1) i don’t think you are the asshole. she cheated on you, she left, she has her own life and that was her choice. it’s your son choice to live with you. if you make more money to spoil you kids that is what you do with your money. it all comes down to choices. 2) question? why didn’t you have to pay child support.	i was so ready to call you ta until i started reading. no, nta. you are just being a good father to your son and he's much happier with you. your ex needs to pull herself together and act like a mother to her other children if she wants to be able to give them some of those things instead of acting like a whiney baby knowing her oldest is having a good life without her.	nta - her kids are all under the age of 9 and they resent a 16-year-old for getting a car? it seems like the problem here is how your ex is raising her children.	nta maybe your ex wife and her husband should think about improving their own lives than wanting your son to have less	nta, your ex-wife is just jealous and trying to make you feel bad for your success. you love your kids and we are happy for them having a great dad. you ex-wifes new kids have nothing to do with you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: brief back ground. about 9 and a half years ago my wife cheated on me, got pregnant, and left me for him. courts gave them custody of our son because single dad vs family. ive since gotten remarried and had a couple kids(7 and 5 and a half), ex and her new man have also had 2 more kids. wife and i both work as engineers and have dang good salaries to put it lightly, ex and new husband havent ever done particularly well. ex wife didnt want me sending my son "lavish" gifts or taking him on the family vacations so her other siblings wouldnt get too jealous and build resentment towards him(her words). meanwhile he was understandably(i feel) upset he wasnt getting as nice a life as my other kids were as he got older. he asked to come live with me, i said yes id love to have him ex wife said no. thank god the courts sided with what my son wanted. since moving in everythings gone fairly smoothly for us. my younger kids love having their big brother around all the time, he loves them, we still go on our vacations every january(though had i known how bad rona was back then id have probably held off this year), for his 16th birthday he got a nice used buick he wanted. since then shits hit the fan with his mom/my ex though. shes pissed how much hes getting and getting to do, keeps texting and calling both of us about how his younger siblings will never be able to get all he has and its not fair and now her kids are upset and how im a horrible dad for forcing his siblings to resent him. i finally told her i dont care i want my kids to have a good life, and if she wants an adulterer hers would have a better life too. did i go too far there?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> brief back ground. about 9 and a half years ago my wife cheated on me, got pregnant, and left me for him. courts gave them custody of our son because single dad vs family. ive since gotten remarried and had a couple kids(7 and 5 and a half), ex and her new man have also had 2 more kids. wife and i both work as engineers and have dang good salaries to put it lightly, ex and new husband havent ever done particularly well. ex wife didnt want me sending my son "lavish" gifts or taking him on the family vacations so her other siblings wouldnt get too jealous and build resentment towards him(her words). meanwhile he was understandably(i feel) upset he wasnt getting as nice a life as my other kids were as he got older. he asked to come live with me, i said yes id love to have him ex wife said no. thank god the courts sided with what my son wanted. since moving in everythings gone fairly smoothly for us. my younger kids love having their big brother around all the time, he loves them, we still go on our vacations every january(though had i known how bad rona was back then id have probably held off this year), for his 16th birthday he got a nice used buick he wanted. since then shits hit the fan with his mom/my ex though. shes pissed how much hes getting and getting to do, keeps texting and calling both of us about how his younger siblings will never be able to get all he has and its not fair and now her kids are upset and how im a horrible dad for forcing his siblings to resent him. i finally told her i dont care i want my kids to have a good life, and if she wants an adulterer hers would have a better life too. did i go too far there? [/INST] nta they're not your kids. and no one is forcing them to be resentful except her. keep being a good dad to all your kids and don't worry about it. </s>
AITA for basically telling my ex girlfriend that she's not as hot as my current girlfriend?	my ex (24f) and i (24m) dated 5 years ago. we were together for about a year, but then she dumped me out of no where for another guy and broke my heart. she and i shared the same circle of friends so i continued to be cordial with her for the sake of our friend group, and we remained friends until we graduated and i distanced her out of my life and no longer speak to her. i'm still close with my friend group, but they have drifted from her over the past year. i'll still see her sometimes when we have hang outs with the larger group, but i no longer speak to her and we just avoid each other. this past weekend my friend had a pre-game/party for his birthday and she was invited along with our other friends. i have a new girlfriend (23f) that i have been dating for a few months (she is absolutely amazing, drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, thoughtful, etc. i never thought i could feel this way about someone). i invited her too, and she knew my ex would be there but was okay with it. at the pre-game, my ex had a couple shots, was maybe tipsy. she came up to me and my girlfriend and started talking to us normally. i was kind of confused as to why, but just went with it. she then says to my girlfriend, "hey did you know me and ilovepotatoes22 used to date back in the day?" to which she says, "yes, i'm aware". ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, "yup and he sure downgraded" while looking me dead in the eye. my gf said "wow, i'm not interested dealing with this, excuse me" and excused herself to go talk to some of my other friends. i was angry, i truly don't believe i "downgraded" as my current gf is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, and in my eyes i do find her more attractive than my ex. i told my ex "i'm not sure what you're on right now, but gf is definitely an upgrade in every aspect possible so do not get that twisted. let's just do what we should have done 5 years ago and never speak another word to each other again". she went to the bathroom crying and my friends over the past few days have been telling me that she told them i called her uglier than my current gf. i told my friends what actually happened and they understand but they told me i could have been a little bit less harsh. ex gf is apparently really depressed and has been telling my friends that she doesn't want to come to any of the hang outs anymore. am i the asshole?	20,799	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b9swi6/aita_for_basically_telling_my_ex_girlfriend_that/	2019-04-05 15:54:19	nta. your ex played a stupid game, and she won a stupid prize. if you said what you said, there is absolutely nothing wrong. if you did say anything about your ex-girlfriend's appearance or figure, then you would also be an asshole. really impressed by your current girlfriend for excusing herself from the awkward situation rather than engaging in pettiness.	nta, drunk idiot threw stones from her glass house and got shattered when you returned fire. are you the asshole for defending your current girlfriend? no. &#x200b; could you have just brushed her off? probably. but not doing so doesn't make you the asshole.	nta at all. in fact both you and your gf did the right thing with her removing herself from the situation and not escalating or fighting back in a petty fight and you for standing up for your girlfriend and telling the ex not to talk to you guys again.	nta. play bitch games, win bitch prizes.	nta &#x200b; she dumped you, then rubs it in your face 5 years later. that is manipulative for like, no reason. i would argue that probably, the most loving thing you could have done for your ex-gf was to call her out for that behavior. her little feelings stopped being relevant when she picked the fight. &#x200b; as well - you're dating your gf. it's your job to defend her.	nta she stepped up (out of nowhere if you're telling us everything), and then stepped on your current gf. then she got checked. if you let this continue you're both at fault, but right now? one and done? nuh uh. that's on her.	nta. she tried stirring shit up and got her hand caught in the cookie jar. play stupid games win stupid prizes!	nta neither depression nor alcohol are excuses for being rude and what she said was very rude. you didn’t have to reply. but your reply is extremely understandable and i think you actually handled it well if that’s how you actually said it. because i probably would have said something very hurtful if my ex bullied my new partner like that. don’t talk shit to my partner.	nta > ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, "yup and he sure downgraded" while looking me dead in the eye. she said that in front of you and your current gf? unless you're just giving us the pg version of your response, nah that's pretty tame.	nta - congrats on the upgrade.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex (24f) and i (24m) dated 5 years ago. we were together for about a year, but then she dumped me out of no where for another guy and broke my heart. she and i shared the same circle of friends so i continued to be cordial with her for the sake of our friend group, and we remained friends until we graduated and i distanced her out of my life and no longer speak to her. i'm still close with my friend group, but they have drifted from her over the past year. i'll still see her sometimes when we have hang outs with the larger group, but i no longer speak to her and we just avoid each other. this past weekend my friend had a pre-game/party for his birthday and she was invited along with our other friends. i have a new girlfriend (23f) that i have been dating for a few months (she is absolutely amazing, drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, thoughtful, etc. i never thought i could feel this way about someone). i invited her too, and she knew my ex would be there but was okay with it. at the pre-game, my ex had a couple shots, was maybe tipsy. she came up to me and my girlfriend and started talking to us normally. i was kind of confused as to why, but just went with it. she then says to my girlfriend, "hey did you know me and ilovepotatoes22 used to date back in the day?" to which she says, "yes, i'm aware". ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, "yup and he sure downgraded" while looking me dead in the eye. my gf said "wow, i'm not interested dealing with this, excuse me" and excused herself to go talk to some of my other friends. i was angry, i truly don't believe i "downgraded" as my current gf is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, and in my eyes i do find her more attractive than my ex. i told my ex "i'm not sure what you're on right now, but gf is definitely an upgrade in every aspect possible so do not get that twisted. let's just do what we should have done 5 years ago and never speak another word to each other again". she went to the bathroom crying and my friends over the past few days have been telling me that she told them i called her uglier than my current gf. i told my friends what actually happened and they understand but they told me i could have been a little bit less harsh. ex gf is apparently really depressed and has been telling my friends that she doesn't want to come to any of the hang outs anymore. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my ex (24f) and i (24m) dated 5 years ago. we were together for about a year, but then she dumped me out of no where for another guy and broke my heart. she and i shared the same circle of friends so i continued to be cordial with her for the sake of our friend group, and we remained friends until we graduated and i distanced her out of my life and no longer speak to her. i'm still close with my friend group, but they have drifted from her over the past year. i'll still see her sometimes when we have hang outs with the larger group, but i no longer speak to her and we just avoid each other. this past weekend my friend had a pre-game/party for his birthday and she was invited along with our other friends. i have a new girlfriend (23f) that i have been dating for a few months (she is absolutely amazing, drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, thoughtful, etc. i never thought i could feel this way about someone). i invited her too, and she knew my ex would be there but was okay with it. at the pre-game, my ex had a couple shots, was maybe tipsy. she came up to me and my girlfriend and started talking to us normally. i was kind of confused as to why, but just went with it. she then says to my girlfriend, "hey did you know me and ilovepotatoes22 used to date back in the day?" to which she says, "yes, i'm aware". ex gf smirks very subtly and under her breath says, "yup and he sure downgraded" while looking me dead in the eye. my gf said "wow, i'm not interested dealing with this, excuse me" and excused herself to go talk to some of my other friends. i was angry, i truly don't believe i "downgraded" as my current gf is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, and in my eyes i do find her more attractive than my ex. i told my ex "i'm not sure what you're on right now, but gf is definitely an upgrade in every aspect possible so do not get that twisted. let's just do what we should have done 5 years ago and never speak another word to each other again". she went to the bathroom crying and my friends over the past few days have been telling me that she told them i called her uglier than my current gf. i told my friends what actually happened and they understand but they told me i could have been a little bit less harsh. ex gf is apparently really depressed and has been telling my friends that she doesn't want to come to any of the hang outs anymore. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. your ex played a stupid game, and she won a stupid prize. if you said what you said, there is absolutely nothing wrong. if you did say anything about your ex-girlfriend's appearance or figure, then you would also be an asshole. really impressed by your current girlfriend for excusing herself from the awkward situation rather than engaging in pettiness. </s>
AITA for not sharing medical history before being pranked?	heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic?	30,130	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gflupe/aita_for_not_sharing_medical_history_before_being/	2020-05-08 03:52:21	nta - even if you didn't disclose your medical history, they knew enough that saying those things would fuck with you. if a "prank" doesn't leave both parties laughing, it isn't a prank, it's bullying.	nta. schizophrenia or not, this wasn’t a harmless prank - this was disrespectful and manipulative bullshit that good friends don’t pull on each other.	oh honey, this breaks my heart. my partner is schizophrenic and it's hard enough on it's own without some group of ah's *deciding it would be fun to collectively gaslight you.* please go with your gut and never talk to these ah's again. as far as whether not telling them ahead of time makes you an ah, maybe in some alternate reality where schizophrenia-stigma didn't exist. also, i have never even heard of a group of "friends" doing this particular "prank" en masse, so i don't know how you could have anticipated this happening--because for the most part, this doesn't happen. i'm proud of you for going to the hospital when you felt you needed to, that's a hard thing to do. a lot of people look back at the friends they had at your age and can't believe they ever put up with such an immature pack of ah's. you'll meet better people, and hopefully some of your ex-friends will learn a lesson and become better friends in their futures.	nta. that’s a cruel prank whether you’re schizophrenic or not. i’d never talk to them again.	nta, your medical history is your own private information. you don’t owe it to anyone. they could, at the very least, tell that you had anxiety about things, and it was wrong of them to try to “mess” with you - especially once they could tell you were starting to get really upset, anxious, and confused. time for some new friends.	it seems like your “friends” actually suspected that you may have been affected by this disorder and completely fucked with you because of it. they are all assholes. not you.	nta oh, that’s not okay. for awhile, i had a really bad eating disorder. i still consider myself in recovery, but i can be triggered by certain foods. i had two friends who thought it was funny to tell me i was eating way too much, that my portions were huge, give me a tiny plate so it look like i was eating way more than i was… then they would say things like how are you still hungry, you ate so much. they thought it was funny, they were shit people. people who think it’s funny to use your mental problems against you or not people you deserve in your life. you deserve to have people who take your mental health seriously, who are compassionate and kind or at least apologetic if they manage to do something wrong. not everyone is going to know how to handle schizophrenia or be willing to take on the responsibility of being a good friend… but if they’re not willing to do that, then i would rather be alone personally. i would rather have zero friends then shitty friends that make my life hell.	nta, you deserve better friends	what in the everliving fuck. regardless of whether or not they knew you are schizoprenic, this is cruel. nta.	nta your friends are horrible, horrible people and i bet some part of you knew instinctively, subconsciously, that you couldn't trust them with anything personal. that's not a funny prank. the funny version of that is "let's all show up to dave's barbecue in dumb hats." that's incredibly cruel and vicious, and they cost you several days of your life and maybe even a lot of money.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> heyo, i'm a schizophrenic. started when i was 22, and will last till i die. i'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but i am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group. they would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (trex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). these are very real scary thoughts to me. i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved. i was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). i was so scared my medications stopped working. no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital, and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what had happened. i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them. i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. aita for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic? [/INST] nta - even if you didn't disclose your medical history, they knew enough that saying those things would fuck with you. if a "prank" doesn't leave both parties laughing, it isn't a prank, it's bullying. </s>
AITA for not telling my mom I own her house?	my wife and i have been having a discussion and she finds it really weird that i’m keeping this secret. i bought a house prior to covid and so during the lockdowns i was able to get some really cheap contracting done because people needed work. i got it fixed up to rent it out, not to my mom, but just anybody. when it became clear people were losing jobs i didn’t want to rent to a stranger just to kick them out: so i kept renovating at a slow pace just to keep the house on the ups. fast forward. i find out my mom is being evicted for not paying rent. i refuse to send my mom money. i used to and it damn near made me broke. she has a gambling addiction and drinking problem. she lost her job. so i tell her i have a friend who owns a house one state over. with nothing to lose she found a job out of state, applied with an agent i know out there who handled the beginning part but really it’s my house and she wouldn’t have been approved otherwise i rent it to her at below market rate but enough to where i know she’s not wasting all money on gambling and drinking. my brother and his son also live there. she didn’t tell “management” that go figure. so my wife is like, i want to go see the house. i tell her what i did and she doesn’t seem to understand that i never told my mom it’s my house and why. as soon as i tell her it’s my house she’s going to go back to being irresponsible and it’s bad enough my brother is freeloading there too but this is going to be a financial burden on us if we tell her. as of now, it’s not because she thinks some company owns it.	20,014	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxtred/aita_for_not_telling_my_mom_i_own_her_house/	2020-11-20 17:48:22	nta, your mom has a serious problem and this is a great way to keep her from being homeless while keeping your own boundaries intact. i just hope you can get your gf to see it that way so she doesn't go spilling the beans behind your back or something. xd;	nta it’s mutually beneficial for you and for your mom as it stands currently. you have a renter, she makes more responsible choices and keeps a roof over her head. that being said, be prepared for this to blow up in your face if she ever finds out you are the homeowner.	i think you’re nta for renting to your mom without telling her. like another commenter said, it’s the perfect solution to keep her out of the streets without throwing money into a black hole. however, why is it that it took your wife asking about the house for you to tell her about all of this? aren’t you partners? it’s a bit weird to me that you never mentioned you were moving your mom into the house you’ve been renovating.	yta, and a massive one, for this line >so my wife is like, i want to go see the house. i tell her what i did and she doesn’t seem to understand that i never told my mom it’s my house and why. how the hell did you make this decision without talking to your wife?!?!?	yta, not for keeping it from your mom, but for keeping it from your wife. it’s hard to believe that you set this up so your mom wouldn’t know and are expecting an inevitable blow up, but thought your wife just wouldn’t mind the dramatic fall out and future family mooching you predict. she would have to deal with it just as much as you would, it was a shortsighted ah move not to tell her. did you decide not to tell your wife because she had you cut your mom off once already and you thought she’d do it again? the ask forgiveness not permission thing is a trash expression, especially in a marriage. as for how you are handling the situation with your mom, it sounds like a solid solution, but one you can only pull off with your wife’s help. she handles the finances and is now clearly covering your bum to help you out and protect you both. your wife sounds smart and supportive, she deserves to be treated better than this. don’t put your mom’s wellbeing ahead of hers.	nta, its smart in the long run and keeps her in line and taking responsibility otherwise she might free load too	nta. i'd say it's a smart measure to help your mom back on her feet and not feed into her addiction. but i can also see your mom freak out and blame you if she finds out, which is also a normal reaction. even in that case, i would still say nta.	yta “during the lockdowns i was able to get some really cheap contracting done because people needed work” “when it became clear people were losing jobs i didn’t want to rent to a stranger just to kick them out” if 2020 was a movie, you’d definitely be the greedy villain, idk why you think it’s different in reality	yta for doing this without clearing it with your wife. you now have an asset that's losing money, and probably a lot of money that's sunk into it. what's more, you have a tenant who you know is a terrible tenant, and who has a strong probability of turning into a nightmare tenant. she could turn your property into a full on liability. (let's hope she doesn't take to illegal activities since you, as the landlord, could be on the liability hook for them.) i understand why you did it, and i'd likely do the same, but you have opened up you and your wife to liability without discussing it with your wife. that's uncool.	nta - it seems like you’ve found a way to keep her safe but also for her to stay on point with being responsible for paying for accommodation. knowing she needs to stump up (and having been evicted before) could help give her some structure and hopefully keep her on track to turn her life around.	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	0.627069	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have been having a discussion and she finds it really weird that i’m keeping this secret. i bought a house prior to covid and so during the lockdowns i was able to get some really cheap contracting done because people needed work. i got it fixed up to rent it out, not to my mom, but just anybody. when it became clear people were losing jobs i didn’t want to rent to a stranger just to kick them out: so i kept renovating at a slow pace just to keep the house on the ups. fast forward. i find out my mom is being evicted for not paying rent. i refuse to send my mom money. i used to and it damn near made me broke. she has a gambling addiction and drinking problem. she lost her job. so i tell her i have a friend who owns a house one state over. with nothing to lose she found a job out of state, applied with an agent i know out there who handled the beginning part but really it’s my house and she wouldn’t have been approved otherwise i rent it to her at below market rate but enough to where i know she’s not wasting all money on gambling and drinking. my brother and his son also live there. she didn’t tell “management” that go figure. so my wife is like, i want to go see the house. i tell her what i did and she doesn’t seem to understand that i never told my mom it’s my house and why. as soon as i tell her it’s my house she’s going to go back to being irresponsible and it’s bad enough my brother is freeloading there too but this is going to be a financial burden on us if we tell her. as of now, it’s not because she thinks some company owns it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife and i have been having a discussion and she finds it really weird that i’m keeping this secret. i bought a house prior to covid and so during the lockdowns i was able to get some really cheap contracting done because people needed work. i got it fixed up to rent it out, not to my mom, but just anybody. when it became clear people were losing jobs i didn’t want to rent to a stranger just to kick them out: so i kept renovating at a slow pace just to keep the house on the ups. fast forward. i find out my mom is being evicted for not paying rent. i refuse to send my mom money. i used to and it damn near made me broke. she has a gambling addiction and drinking problem. she lost her job. so i tell her i have a friend who owns a house one state over. with nothing to lose she found a job out of state, applied with an agent i know out there who handled the beginning part but really it’s my house and she wouldn’t have been approved otherwise i rent it to her at below market rate but enough to where i know she’s not wasting all money on gambling and drinking. my brother and his son also live there. she didn’t tell “management” that go figure. so my wife is like, i want to go see the house. i tell her what i did and she doesn’t seem to understand that i never told my mom it’s my house and why. as soon as i tell her it’s my house she’s going to go back to being irresponsible and it’s bad enough my brother is freeloading there too but this is going to be a financial burden on us if we tell her. as of now, it’s not because she thinks some company owns it. [/INST] nta, your mom has a serious problem and this is a great way to keep her from being homeless while keeping your own boundaries intact. i just hope you can get your gf to see it that way so she doesn't go spilling the beans behind your back or something. xd; </s>
AITA for telling my wife to have realistic expectations?	throwaway and on the mobile app. my wife and i (30f and 34m) just had this argument and i want the internet’s opinion on if she’s setting her sights too high or not. for the past few months, my wife has gotten really, really into chinese tv dramas. she started one show with a friend around christmas but she kept going and i’d say she’s watched at least 6 or 7 decently long series since then and is showing no sign of slowing down. i have to admit i was already annoyed with this before we had this argument - she didn’t used to be really into many shows and a lot of times she was happy to watch whatever and knit at the same time. she said she liked feeling like she was getting stuff done. but since she watches the chinese shows with english subtitles, she doesn’t do nearly as much knitting, so it feels like she’s abandoned a lot of her projects. for example, she usually knits my mom something for her birthday in march like a hat or a scarf, but she didn’t and i could see my mom was disappointed. so because of this, when my wife told me yesterday that she wants to start learning chinese so that she can watch more shows and get more immersed in that culture and stuff, i got really irritated. i told her that chinese is an incredibly difficult language to learn and since she’s an adult, there’s no way she’ll ever become fluent. she’d just be wasting her time without a hope of actually getting proficient in a language that she would only use in watching tv. i told her it seemed like an unrealistic goal and a waste of time and money. she called me a jerk, told me to eff off, and didn’t give any sort of counter argument. looking back, i think i spoke sharply but i think deep down she must also realize that it’s a stupid idea but she doesn’t want to admit it. i should also say that my wife only speaks english, so she doesn’t even have any kind of foundation for learning a foreign language, much less one as notoriously difficult as chinese. aita for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself?	5,462	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u9mm02/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_have_realistic/	2022-04-22 19:28:42	yta bro what realistic expectations??? let your wife be happy goddamn. it’s not like she wants to go to space she wants to learn another language. let her watch her shows she’s not hurting you. let her learn a language it’s not hurting you. she doesn’t need to be a slave to knitting a thing for your mom every year.	"don't you stretch your pretty little mind with something beyond your reach, go back to your knitting. you owe my mom her birthday scarf." yta.	yta. so, you want your wife to continue knitting so she can make your mother birthday presents? why don't you learn how to knit if your mother likes them so much? your wife can spend her free time doing what she wants, even if she does not become proficient. i think it's admirable that she wants to learn chinese--no matter the reason.	yta. the way you're framing this post is misleading. it's not unrealistic for her to try to learn a new language. you're the asshole for being annoyed about her changing her hobbies, for basically shitting on her when she expressed an interest in something, and now you're trying to make it seem like you're just looking out for her and don't want her to be disappointed. this whole post sounds condescending. she's her own person.	yta. an adult can become fluent in chinese, or any other language. your wife isn’t your knitting employee, she doesn’t owe anyone a knitted scarf or hat. if you want to get one for your mom so badly, you can learn how to knit.	what did you do for your mom on her birthday, asshole? yta.	yta she is trying to do something that she enjoys and you're basically shitting on her dreams. what for?	[removed]	yta- she’s your wife and what i got from this is you don’t support her because it’s something you’re not into. and the whole mention of the knitting was in poor taste. why don’t you take up knitting and make your own mom an item of clothing? maybe if you spent more time knitting you would have less time to shit all over your wife’s interest in chinese culture/film.	holy moly.... do you always treat your wife like crap? is knitting her business or a hobby? if it's an active business and income has gone down due to her watching a show instead, i can understand a bit of irritation. it sounds more like it's a hobby though. knitting is also an art. maybe your wife felt that she has knitted so many hats and scarves that she was getting bored with it and finally found something new to pique her interest. why is that a problem? because your mommy didn't get another new hat knitted for her b-day? knit one yourdamnself then if it's that important to you. how tf do you know she'll never become fluent? just because she's an adult learning a new language doesn't mean she can't become proficient or even fluent, even a difficult language such as chinese. you basically told your wife that she was stupid for wanting to learn a different language. i don't think she's the stupid one here. yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway and on the mobile app. my wife and i (30f and 34m) just had this argument and i want the internet’s opinion on if she’s setting her sights too high or not. for the past few months, my wife has gotten really, really into chinese tv dramas. she started one show with a friend around christmas but she kept going and i’d say she’s watched at least 6 or 7 decently long series since then and is showing no sign of slowing down. i have to admit i was already annoyed with this before we had this argument - she didn’t used to be really into many shows and a lot of times she was happy to watch whatever and knit at the same time. she said she liked feeling like she was getting stuff done. but since she watches the chinese shows with english subtitles, she doesn’t do nearly as much knitting, so it feels like she’s abandoned a lot of her projects. for example, she usually knits my mom something for her birthday in march like a hat or a scarf, but she didn’t and i could see my mom was disappointed. so because of this, when my wife told me yesterday that she wants to start learning chinese so that she can watch more shows and get more immersed in that culture and stuff, i got really irritated. i told her that chinese is an incredibly difficult language to learn and since she’s an adult, there’s no way she’ll ever become fluent. she’d just be wasting her time without a hope of actually getting proficient in a language that she would only use in watching tv. i told her it seemed like an unrealistic goal and a waste of time and money. she called me a jerk, told me to eff off, and didn’t give any sort of counter argument. looking back, i think i spoke sharply but i think deep down she must also realize that it’s a stupid idea but she doesn’t want to admit it. i should also say that my wife only speaks english, so she doesn’t even have any kind of foundation for learning a foreign language, much less one as notoriously difficult as chinese. aita for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway and on the mobile app. my wife and i (30f and 34m) just had this argument and i want the internet’s opinion on if she’s setting her sights too high or not. for the past few months, my wife has gotten really, really into chinese tv dramas. she started one show with a friend around christmas but she kept going and i’d say she’s watched at least 6 or 7 decently long series since then and is showing no sign of slowing down. i have to admit i was already annoyed with this before we had this argument - she didn’t used to be really into many shows and a lot of times she was happy to watch whatever and knit at the same time. she said she liked feeling like she was getting stuff done. but since she watches the chinese shows with english subtitles, she doesn’t do nearly as much knitting, so it feels like she’s abandoned a lot of her projects. for example, she usually knits my mom something for her birthday in march like a hat or a scarf, but she didn’t and i could see my mom was disappointed. so because of this, when my wife told me yesterday that she wants to start learning chinese so that she can watch more shows and get more immersed in that culture and stuff, i got really irritated. i told her that chinese is an incredibly difficult language to learn and since she’s an adult, there’s no way she’ll ever become fluent. she’d just be wasting her time without a hope of actually getting proficient in a language that she would only use in watching tv. i told her it seemed like an unrealistic goal and a waste of time and money. she called me a jerk, told me to eff off, and didn’t give any sort of counter argument. looking back, i think i spoke sharply but i think deep down she must also realize that it’s a stupid idea but she doesn’t want to admit it. i should also say that my wife only speaks english, so she doesn’t even have any kind of foundation for learning a foreign language, much less one as notoriously difficult as chinese. aita for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself? [/INST] yta bro what realistic expectations??? let your wife be happy goddamn. it’s not like she wants to go to space she wants to learn another language. let her watch her shows she’s not hurting you. let her learn a language it’s not hurting you. she doesn’t need to be a slave to knitting a thing for your mom every year. </s>
AITA for refusing to get my in laws anything for Christmas to prove a point to my husband?	been together 9 years(29f/30m), have 2 kids. i absolutely adore my in laws. they are fantastic people and i get along with them swimmingly. my family is far from perfect and raised me in a very toxic environment so having positive people like my in laws in my life has been a god send. however, because my husband knows how toxic my family was when i was growing up, he refuses to include them in anything. this is the only downfall in our marriage. they have never done him wrong or done myself wrong for years either but he doesnt give a shit. just completely disregards that they even exist. we get his family something for christmas every year, as well as spending the eve and day with them every year; mine is lucky to get a "merry christmas" text. now, my sister is almost 18 and just found out she is pregnant. shes against abortion and did use a condom, which obviously broke. she lives with her bfs parents who have made both her and her bfs lives a complete hell since finding out. my sister and her bf both worked part time and went to school but after his parents found out they were pregnant made their son drop out of school and get a full time job (he was 4 months from getting all credits to graduate). they also upped their rent from $400 a month to $800 a month(even though their rent is only $950 for a 6 bedroom house and they cant use any of the spare rooms), plus they have to buy their own food, pay the internet and electric bill (not included in their rent), cant take showers all but once a week to save on water and basically are limited to their bedroom. they practically have to ask to take a piss. they have even deliberately made my sister feel like shit by saying they wont be "carting her ass around to any appointments for free." knowing this info, i wanted to get her something for the baby; knowing that there was no way in hell they could afford one living under her bfs parents roof. i wanted to buy her a crib. the same one i had for my kiddos. the one that changes into a toddler bed and then a day bed- it grows with the baby. she could use it for years. it was only $199(on sale). i purchased mine for $699. so i told my husband i wanted to buy it and he lost his shit. said that he wasnt going to break the bank to support a child having a child and said "she decided to have a baby. she can go get a job and buy a crib. it's not my job to give her gifts." mind you, i work full time(more hours than him by a long shot) but he works salary and technically makes more. i was livid, i'll admit and immediately snapped back with "well looks like we will be crossing mommy and daddy off the christmas list because they have jobs and can buy their own gifts." since that conversation i have held the same tune. though he claims this is entirely different and that i'm an ah for trying to compare the two (christmas gifts/baby gifts). aita?	18,135	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kar5cw/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_in_laws_anything_for/	2020-12-11 00:08:51	nta. as it turns out, you don't need your husband's permission to buy your sister this very thoughtful, useful gift. you work full time, so you can afford it yourself. your husband is being really shitty and completely unreasonable about this. talk about toxic.	hmmm. i think you should ignore your husband and buy your sister a crib. then i think you need to ignore the devil on your shoulder and select gifts for your inlaws. if purchasing gifts for family is a task you usually do, then do it and tell him to butt out. you are eventually going to have this fight, stick to your guns, do the right thing, and go ahead and have it.	nta. even if he hadn’t had a history with your parents and ignoring your side of the family this is awful. why would he be such a jerk to your sister. will you never ‘be able’ to buy her anything? he sounds like a complete jerk. i totally get the point you’re trying to make. and this has zero to do with your family being toxic. does he alienate you from your friends too or just your family.	oh dear. nta is it possible you jumped from one toxic family to another? because your husband does not sound great here.	nta. he is off his judgemental rocker. also, your sister needs to start with a social worker and get general assistance. while she's a minor there is other assistance she can get for herself and baby.	info is there a way to help your sister and her boyfriend find a place to rent of their own? if they are paying 800 plus a month to his parents - maybe they can afford something else and then not have to deal with his parents?	i’m shocked i have to ask this, but why do you need your husbands permission to spend money? especially such a relatively low amount? nta, buy the crib.	nta. it's not your husband's place to dictate your relationship with your family . if you want to cut them off, fine, and if you want them in your life, also fine. his role should be to support whatever decision you make, especially since they haven't done anything to him. he's being controlling and needs to own up to the fact that if this small gesture is important to you, it should be important to him.	i haven't read all the comments, so i'm going to add in my 2 cents. i think you're targeting and "punishing" the wrong people. you have a good relationship with your in-laws and you care about them. they literally have zero to do with this situation. you shouldn't risk your relationship with them because your husband is being an ass. so you would be tah if you didn't get them a gift. you would not be wrong if you chose to not give your husband a gift as he is being an ass, and extremely judgemental. he has every right not to like your family. he has every right to not want a relationship with them. that is perfectly okay. what is not ok is him trying to decide what kind of relationship you have with your family. that is not up to him. that's only up to you. he needs to respect your needs and wishes regarding your relationship with your family. otherwise, he's proving to be no better than them (toxic). blessed be	nta, however, it sounds like at least some of this falls back on you letting your husband go this long just hating your whole family. it really shouldn't be up to him to make the plans that start including your family in things, especially if they were less than stellar to you growing up. you say he doesn't include them, but don't make any mention of things you have done which include both him and them so at first glance it just reads like you really haven't put the effort in there either. and so, it sounds like his only experience of your family is what you've shared with him about what things were like growing up and absent anything new or redeeming he is content to continue writing off people who were previously horrible to you. that being said if you sister wasn't part of that, or if she was and you want to actively start mending fences you can't really expect him to lead the charge in that department before you yourself have started down that path. or maybe your sister was equally as adversely effected by your family as you were and you can make clear to him that she was another victim of the same horrible household dynamic, but instead of finding herself a part of a wonderful new family as you have she just jumped from the frying pan to the fire. as for the family/gift angle i mean sure it feels great in the moment to get that zinger in but it sounds like his family and parents mean a fair deal to you so... something something biting off your nose to spite your face.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: been together 9 years(29f/30m), have 2 kids. i absolutely adore my in laws. they are fantastic people and i get along with them swimmingly. my family is far from perfect and raised me in a very toxic environment so having positive people like my in laws in my life has been a god send. however, because my husband knows how toxic my family was when i was growing up, he refuses to include them in anything. this is the only downfall in our marriage. they have never done him wrong or done myself wrong for years either but he doesnt give a shit. just completely disregards that they even exist. we get his family something for christmas every year, as well as spending the eve and day with them every year; mine is lucky to get a "merry christmas" text. now, my sister is almost 18 and just found out she is pregnant. shes against abortion and did use a condom, which obviously broke. she lives with her bfs parents who have made both her and her bfs lives a complete hell since finding out. my sister and her bf both worked part time and went to school but after his parents found out they were pregnant made their son drop out of school and get a full time job (he was 4 months from getting all credits to graduate). they also upped their rent from $400 a month to $800 a month(even though their rent is only $950 for a 6 bedroom house and they cant use any of the spare rooms), plus they have to buy their own food, pay the internet and electric bill (not included in their rent), cant take showers all but once a week to save on water and basically are limited to their bedroom. they practically have to ask to take a piss. they have even deliberately made my sister feel like shit by saying they wont be "carting her ass around to any appointments for free." knowing this info, i wanted to get her something for the baby; knowing that there was no way in hell they could afford one living under her bfs parents roof. i wanted to buy her a crib. the same one i had for my kiddos. the one that changes into a toddler bed and then a day bed- it grows with the baby. she could use it for years. it was only $199(on sale). i purchased mine for $699. so i told my husband i wanted to buy it and he lost his shit. said that he wasnt going to break the bank to support a child having a child and said "she decided to have a baby. she can go get a job and buy a crib. it's not my job to give her gifts." mind you, i work full time(more hours than him by a long shot) but he works salary and technically makes more. i was livid, i'll admit and immediately snapped back with "well looks like we will be crossing mommy and daddy off the christmas list because they have jobs and can buy their own gifts." since that conversation i have held the same tune. though he claims this is entirely different and that i'm an ah for trying to compare the two (christmas gifts/baby gifts). aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> been together 9 years(29f/30m), have 2 kids. i absolutely adore my in laws. they are fantastic people and i get along with them swimmingly. my family is far from perfect and raised me in a very toxic environment so having positive people like my in laws in my life has been a god send. however, because my husband knows how toxic my family was when i was growing up, he refuses to include them in anything. this is the only downfall in our marriage. they have never done him wrong or done myself wrong for years either but he doesnt give a shit. just completely disregards that they even exist. we get his family something for christmas every year, as well as spending the eve and day with them every year; mine is lucky to get a "merry christmas" text. now, my sister is almost 18 and just found out she is pregnant. shes against abortion and did use a condom, which obviously broke. she lives with her bfs parents who have made both her and her bfs lives a complete hell since finding out. my sister and her bf both worked part time and went to school but after his parents found out they were pregnant made their son drop out of school and get a full time job (he was 4 months from getting all credits to graduate). they also upped their rent from $400 a month to $800 a month(even though their rent is only $950 for a 6 bedroom house and they cant use any of the spare rooms), plus they have to buy their own food, pay the internet and electric bill (not included in their rent), cant take showers all but once a week to save on water and basically are limited to their bedroom. they practically have to ask to take a piss. they have even deliberately made my sister feel like shit by saying they wont be "carting her ass around to any appointments for free." knowing this info, i wanted to get her something for the baby; knowing that there was no way in hell they could afford one living under her bfs parents roof. i wanted to buy her a crib. the same one i had for my kiddos. the one that changes into a toddler bed and then a day bed- it grows with the baby. she could use it for years. it was only $199(on sale). i purchased mine for $699. so i told my husband i wanted to buy it and he lost his shit. said that he wasnt going to break the bank to support a child having a child and said "she decided to have a baby. she can go get a job and buy a crib. it's not my job to give her gifts." mind you, i work full time(more hours than him by a long shot) but he works salary and technically makes more. i was livid, i'll admit and immediately snapped back with "well looks like we will be crossing mommy and daddy off the christmas list because they have jobs and can buy their own gifts." since that conversation i have held the same tune. though he claims this is entirely different and that i'm an ah for trying to compare the two (christmas gifts/baby gifts). aita? [/INST] nta. as it turns out, you don't need your husband's permission to buy your sister this very thoughtful, useful gift. you work full time, so you can afford it yourself. your husband is being really shitty and completely unreasonable about this. talk about toxic. </s>
AITA For being upset with my sister for wanting to skip my wedding because of her miscarriage?	i (f28) am getting married next week, invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plane. however, my sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding. i was dumfounded, i called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn't feel like attending, i told her that this is my wedding not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip. she apologized hoping that "i'd understand" but i said that i don't (?) because i really don't understand what does her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding - it's not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby, she must've had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister just went threw and said that i was insensitive to talk to her like that. i asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister's wish and respect that they're grieving. i insisted he let me talk to her but he said "we were done talking" i ended up losing my temper with him and he told me "f your wedding" then hung up. my fiance was in the room and heard him say that. he wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, i didn't let him. i called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come. my dad called me later on and started berating me about "harraasing" my sister and told me to leave her alone, i asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister's and her husband's back and drop it. i told him how upset and hurt i was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it, he replied that my sister has a valid reason and i was coming across unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party - this is not a party, that's my wedding, it matters to me, i was there for hers why can't she do the same and show up for few hours?. dad said he won't tell me again to leavevmy sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and "gang" up with mom to get my sister to go but i wasn't doinh that(?). long story short, tension has bern taking over since then. mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but i feel like my feelings are igored and misunderstood especially from my sister.	11,048	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t0bo07/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_sister_for_wanting/	2022-02-24 13:59:18	yta you have no idea what it's like to be carrying life and hope inside your body, then to lose all that to forces outside of your control. people need time to collect their composure and grieve. the world doesn't revolve around you, and you're certainly not a person worth gravitating towards. >"f your wedding" this 100%.	yta. > it's not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby i refuse to believe you could actually type those words out and somehow still convince yourself you’re not the asshole here. believe it or not, nobody owes you their presence at your wedding, for any reason. the loss of an entire future they’d already started making plans for and investing enormous amounts of emotional capital in is ample cause to say, “sorry, we’re not up for celebrating right now.” which is really not a thing you would think a human being with a functioning heart or brain would need explained to them. so unless you’re gunning for bridezilla of the decade (which honestly seems like it might be the goal), quit digging and go apologize. yesterday.	yta miscarriage isn't just a day and it's done. depending on the age of the pregnancy she may still be bleeding, may have follow-up doctor's appointments, could require a d&c if the miscarriage is incomplete. it may have been or still be a physically painful process. and that is all without touching on the emotional aspects of a miscarriage. if she is not up to a wedding, then she's not up to it. she is having a stressful medical incident, that is probably compounded by grief. >i feel like my feelings are igored and misunderstood especially from my sister this is ironic since you have completely failed to empathize with her. if you can't attempt to understand her situation, then best thing would be for you to let it go and not talk with her.	her child just died. she is grieving an unimaginable loss, a future that isn't happening anymore, a literal part of herself and her husband that is gone. how on earth you think your wedding is more important is beyond me. yta.	yta, and i’m with your brother-in-law here: f your wedding. it is a party. it’s a party to celebrate the beginning of your marriage, and if you’re compassionate and wise and warm to the people around you they’ll be there for you through the whole marriage, not just the first day. if you keep acting like you’re acting, your wedding day will be the last time half of these people bother to show up for you, because your priorities are fucked and you don’t care about anyone but yourself. you owe your sister a heartfelt apology.	you are the biggest ah i’ve met on reddit for at least a week. do you care about your sister at all? “it’s not just a party its my wedding!” it wasn’t just a miscarriage, it’s a dead baby. gtfo and go apologise to your sister. yta	yta. > it's not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby you said this? out loud? to another human being and you think that there's the slightest possibility that you're not an asshole? amazing	yta. your wedding is not more important than the loss of her child	yta why do people get so worked up over weddings? i’ve been married 25 years and i literally remember almost nothing about it. it’s the marriage that’s important. give your sister some grace. be kind. have some empathy. if it’s going to be miserable and sad for her why would you force it on her?	i pray to god you never have a miscarriage. it's harrowing. it's a loss that needs grieved. a wedding is the last place you'd want to me. fake smiling while the future you've dreamed of has died. miscarriage is hard on the body. i started bleeding on the friday. it took until the following saturday & sunday (twins) for them to come away. (where i stay they give you 10 days before medical intervention). then the body often thinks it's delivered the child and you have that to deal with. it's not a period that didn't matter. the pain will never go away regardless of how far along the pregnancy was. you need to apologise to your sister and offer her some emotional support. edit because i finished reading your post. it's your wedding but to your guests it's just a party. honestly they don't care why they're invited. it's a chance to get food & drink & possibly dance.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f28) am getting married next week, invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plane. however, my sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding. i was dumfounded, i called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn't feel like attending, i told her that this is my wedding not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip. she apologized hoping that "i'd understand" but i said that i don't (?) because i really don't understand what does her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding - it's not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby, she must've had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister just went threw and said that i was insensitive to talk to her like that. i asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister's wish and respect that they're grieving. i insisted he let me talk to her but he said "we were done talking" i ended up losing my temper with him and he told me "f your wedding" then hung up. my fiance was in the room and heard him say that. he wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, i didn't let him. i called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come. my dad called me later on and started berating me about "harraasing" my sister and told me to leave her alone, i asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister's and her husband's back and drop it. i told him how upset and hurt i was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it, he replied that my sister has a valid reason and i was coming across unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party - this is not a party, that's my wedding, it matters to me, i was there for hers why can't she do the same and show up for few hours?. dad said he won't tell me again to leavevmy sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and "gang" up with mom to get my sister to go but i wasn't doinh that(?). long story short, tension has bern taking over since then. mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but i feel like my feelings are igored and misunderstood especially from my sister.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (f28) am getting married next week, invitations are out, wedding planning was complete and everything is going according to plane. however, my sister (f31) just had a miscarriage and mom told me that she told her she decided to not come to the wedding. i was dumfounded, i called my sister to talk about it and she said she is exhausted and doesn't feel like attending, i told her that this is my wedding not some family dinner she and her husband decided to skip. she apologized hoping that "i'd understand" but i said that i don't (?) because i really don't understand what does her miscarriage has to do with being at my wedding - it's not like she gave birth and needed to stay with the baby, she must've had me on speaker because her husband heard and started scolding me about how this is a traumatic experience that my sister just went threw and said that i was insensitive to talk to her like that. i asked him to stay out of it but, he started arguing telling me to respect my sister's wish and respect that they're grieving. i insisted he let me talk to her but he said "we were done talking" i ended up losing my temper with him and he told me "f your wedding" then hung up. my fiance was in the room and heard him say that. he wanted to uninvite him and my sister over this instantly but, i didn't let him. i called mom and she promised to speak to my sister and convince her to come. my dad called me later on and started berating me about "harraasing" my sister and told me to leave her alone, i asked him if my brother in law told him about our fight but he got defensive and told me to get off both my sister's and her husband's back and drop it. i told him how upset and hurt i was that my sister decided to skip my wedding and how little she thought of it, he replied that my sister has a valid reason and i was coming across unfeeling and selfish not to see that and lash out over her missing a party - this is not a party, that's my wedding, it matters to me, i was there for hers why can't she do the same and show up for few hours?. dad said he won't tell me again to leavevmy sister alone and urged me to stop bringing it up and "gang" up with mom to get my sister to go but i wasn't doinh that(?). long story short, tension has bern taking over since then. mom thinks that a calm discussion will do but i feel like my feelings are igored and misunderstood especially from my sister. [/INST] yta you have no idea what it's like to be carrying life and hope inside your body, then to lose all that to forces outside of your control. people need time to collect their composure and grieve. the world doesn't revolve around you, and you're certainly not a person worth gravitating towards. >"f your wedding" this 100%. </s>
Aita for wearing the “joke” bikini my friend got me?	so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita?	50,961	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7yuot/aita_for_wearing_the_joke_bikini_my_friend_got_me/	2019-09-23 00:16:51	nta well played!!! you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇	nta. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. plus it's not your fault he was blatantly stating at your tits right in front of her. e: because it still isn't clear to literally anyone, i'm saying mandy has nobody to blame but herself for what happened.	nta. she knew what kind of gift she was giving you, you were just getting her back in a harmless way. no one's gonna die from seeing boobs. now you can all have a laugh about it.	nah, she pranked you, you pranked her	esh. her for her buying you see through clothing and you for basically getting naked in front of her and her bf	ahhaha op this is fantastic. i won't give a judgement. i'm leaning fairly heavy towards no assholes here but a part of me does feel like everyone sucks cause you did purposefully do something that you know would bother your friend. she absolutely deserves it though. and you simply outplayed her. she was playing checkers when you were playing cheese. well done.	esh and you know it. obviously she's ta for letting you wear a see through bikini in public. but you're an adult. deal with it like an adult. knowingly exposing your body to people that did not actively consent to seeing it is not the adult way to handle things.	nah esh if you squint her joke was just as harmless as yours. not tasteful, imo, but harmless and not asshole-y. i don't see it as much as either of you being jerks, and more like a back-and-fourth prank. now you're on equal ground, lol. (also, if her boyfriend was distracted that's on him, not you or her)	[deleted]	esh. you're both shitty friends and thoroughly deserve each other.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	ESH	NAH	ESH	NAH	null	ESH	0.27716	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so it was my birthday couple months ago. had a party. got some gifts. my friend “mandy” for me a “super cute bikini”. i liked it. said thanks. she had ripped the tags off but whatever. anyway. went to the community pool with my roommate. wore bikini. got in the water. roommate immediately is like uhm girl.... i look and see that this bikini is now kinda see thru. haha good joke mandy. anyway, mandy invited me over to her place to hang out with her and her bf and a few others. most leave and we’re still hanging out. i’m like hey, what if we get in your hot tub? i go change after them. and meet her bf in the hot tub she’s getting new drinks. i hop in. immediately, he’s looking at my chest. i pretend i don’t notice and just make small talk. she comes out a few min after. and just looks in shock. eventually gets in. “uhh is that the one i bought?” yeah i love it. i wear it everywhere. make up some stuff about how i wore it to the beach, some party with lots of guys, etc. and she’s just like “oh”. we’re in the tub for 20-30. eventually get out and change. she approached me after and was like. “uhm i’m sorry thought you’d notice. but it goes kinda see thru”. i’m like yeah i know why’d you buy me a ducking see thru bathing suit? “she’s like it’s a joke. wait you knew? so you just spent last 30’ flashing my bf on purpose?” i reply i’m just wearing my birthday gift from her. anyway. aita? [/INST] nta well played!!! you deserve an award, but i’m broke. so here’s an emoji instead. 🏅 🎖 🥇 </s>
AITA for leaving the family restaurant and starting my own after finding out I wouldn't inherit it?	my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita?	27,051	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gul6fn/aita_for_leaving_the_family_restaurant_and/	2020-06-01 14:02:54	nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you.	nta. blaming his restaurant's failure on your success is unfair. if it wasn't you, it could very easily wind up being a different competition eventually. you had to do what you had to do to secure your future...he should be proud of your success. also, maybe i'm misreading here...but the family business wasn't setup for people to get takeout pizza???	nta. feels like your dad made that decision with his heart and not his head. like you have stated in your comments. your step mom doesn’t know anything about running a business and you literally are going for a business degree. on top of that, you have proved that you can run a business and be successful. your dad’s loss. he could have figured out a better situation with you still inheriting the store. but he didn’t. he took your hard work for granted.	nta. you needed to secure your financial future just like he needed to secure his wife’s. not your fault you did a better job. maybe offer to buy him out so he will “get something out of it”.	nta- you found out you wouldn't inherit the business as expected so you set up your own successful enterprise. nothing wrong with that and good on you.	nta. this sort of thing is exactly why my dad didn't finalize his will until he'd sat down and talked to me and my step mom together and let us come to a decision. he could have just as easily split ownership of the shop until your stepmom died and chose not to and now he's suffering the consequences of his actions. and clearly, his child is better able to run a successful business in the modern world than he and his wife are.	seems like a nta to me, you worked there your whole life and he just leaves it to your stepmom. the grandfather wouldn't be okay with this too i would say.	nah. you dad has the right to will his business to whomever he chooses. you have the right to set up your own business and put your efforts into that since if/when your family restaurant becoming yours is now in flux.	nta - i saw in one of your comments that you don’t get along with your step mom and she has children of her own. let’s be realistic, she would probably leave the business to them and not you. you needed to take control of your life and it’s good you have your own business now. your fathers restaurant isn’t failing because of you, it’s because he can’t adapt.	nta. you did not cause his business to go under. superior product will always keep customers coming back. too bad he didn't see your value prior to you leaving. sometimes people don't realize how good things are until life slaps them in the face.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather. i've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while i got a business degree. i found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. his reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. and that it would go to me after she died. i was pissed and "quit" the next day. my dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work i was doing. now this is the potential asshole part. a month after i quit, i found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. i bought it and had it up and running in two months. my restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well. my dad reached out to me last september and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. he offered to buy my business so i would get something out of it. i declined the offer. now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, i'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue. the family restaurant however, is going under. now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined. aita? [/INST] nta. inheritance issues are always complicated, but you went out and did something on your own and made your own living, not dependent on the family business. it sucks that your family’s business is going under, but i don’t think it’s fair to blame you for that. it’s also not fair for them to assume that you should just sell them the business you built, after your dad wasn’t leaving his business to you. </s>
AITA for not changing my tattoo based on my childs pronouns?	throwaway for obvious reasons. basically i [m42] got tattoos of the names of all 3 of my children. i got them going down my arm and they read from top to bottom (not actual names) "andy, sara, kate". i had these tattoos all done at once after kate was born knowing she would be my last. my oldest child andy[t22] came out as trans and has decided she only goes by female pronouns now. my wife[f41] immediately supported her and made sure that i would too without any arguement or else she would divorce me. it was a huge family issue for a while but eventually it was solved and everything has been good for the last little while. i'm slowly learning more and trying to accept my daughter and her new pronouns and her name change to athena. the problem arose yesterday when my wife and athena sat down with me and told me there was an issue. the tattoo going down my arm still reads "andy" and not "athena" and my wife claims this is hurting our daughter and putting a strain on our relationship. my wife told me she wants me to get it touched up to correct it but i explained to her tattoos don't work like that and you can't just change "andy" to "athena". i told her i would most likely need laser tattoo removal surgery and then would need to pay the cost of a brand new tattoo which i can not afford either of. i explained how my tattoo is such a non issue that i don't understand why this needs to be brought up now. athena yelled at me and called me a shitty father and said if i don't support who she is, i just need to leave her life. my wife threatened to go stay with her parents with the kids if i don't "get my act together". i personally don't see the reason to change the tattoo and this feels like a bigger problem then it should be. so im basically wondering if im the asshole in this situation.	21,580	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dbhs1d/aita_for_not_changing_my_tattoo_based_on_my/	2019-09-30 20:31:42	nta. the hypocrisy that you have to accept her unconditionally yet she gets to dictate to you what you need to do to your body is unbelievable.	oof, this is a tough one. nah, but i feel like you're not really listening to the core issue here. you're right in principle when it comes to the tattoo as an isolated issue in that tattoo removal is in fact costly and time-intensive. however, your tattoo is an issue for athena and i think what she really wants is for you to acknowledge that with her, particularly because it took you time to get to a place of acceptance. you kind of gloss over that period, but my brother is trans and our family also went through a difficult acceptance process for my parents, so i know firsthand how painful that was for him and how rejected he felt for quite some time. dead names are in fact a huge deal for trans people. by calling the tattoo of her dead name a "non-issue," you are dismissing how athena feels about it, and that's probably making her feel like you actually don't accept her quite as much as you say you do. your family is telling you in no uncertain terms that your response to this is hurtful, so i think you need to stop being so stubborn and take the time to listen to your daughter. perhaps family counseling would be helpful here, i know it really helped my parents and brother. good luck.	~~andy~~ athena sarah kate	next time she threatens divorce just say yes. you will feel an almost physical burden lifting from your shoulders.	nta. if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. doesn’t seem like you’re doing anything else that they are taking exception to... they both need to chill out, especially your wife who apparently threatens you with divorce every other day, dang son.	info 1. how do you interact with athena regarding the fact that she is trans? 2. what have your interactions with athena been like since she came out? 3. have you expressed anti-trans views in the past? the fact that you write >my wife\[f41\] immediately supported her and made sure that i would too without any argument or else she would divorce me makes me think you were, initially, less than supportive. or, at the very least, you have said things that gave your wife and athena good reason to think you wouldn't be supportive. while i am leaning towards nta on the precise issue of the tattoo, i feel like this tattoo issue is more like the straw that broke the camel's back.	info. i think that there is something that you aren't telling us	i'm going nta based on what we've seen in this post but i'm sensing that there is something we are missing	nta you have the name you gave your kids tatooed on you, not like you did this after the change. your child has no right to tell you how to modify your body any more than you can tell them who to be.	this is pretty rough but i'm voting yta because this goes way deeper than the tattoo. you said your wife made sure you supported athena without question or else she would divorce you -- this leads me to believe you were not happy that athena was trans and that you're likely transphobic. or were transphobic, but you may still carry some transphobic tendencies whether you realise it or not. is this the case? i feel like the tattoo is causing problems because athena likely feels like you still may not fully accept who she is, because you are happy to have her deadname on your arm forever. you're right that the removal/rework of the tattoo would cost a lot and take a lot of time and pain for you. this is entirely true. but do you know what kind of pain it's causing for athena to have her deadname on your arm? the name you gave her at birth is not the name she feels is 'right' or feels comfortable with. whereas her new name is something that makes her feel more herself, something she is proud of. describing it as a non-issue is like dismissing her feelings entirely. plus, imagine people asking about your tattoo for the rest of your life, and you explaining that andy is your kid but that's not their name any more. that's keeping the deadname alive, and athena doesn't want that. she doesn't want to be referred to as andy any more but it's on your arm forever. the reason to change the tattoo is because you love athena just as much as you did when you decided you wanted to memorialise all your children on your body, and you want athena to feel happy and proud that her name is there and that you support her enough to have her new name there. family therapy with a therapist who is supportive of trans people could really benefit you and athena both, but ultimately you need to have a conversation with her about how you do support her and that you just didn't really see the connection of that support to the tattoo. as for the costs, talk to athena and your wife and let them know that changing the tattoo will be difficult and costly, and that you'll all need to figure out some kind of solution for that together. maybe start a tattoo fund that you all contribute to when you can? like a fun family goal to work towards. discuss with a removal studio and a tattoo studio about average costs and what you can do to change/alter/cover/redo the lettering and start anew. best of luck.	NTA	NAH	null	null	NTA	INFO	INFO	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.215724	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. basically i [m42] got tattoos of the names of all 3 of my children. i got them going down my arm and they read from top to bottom (not actual names) "andy, sara, kate". i had these tattoos all done at once after kate was born knowing she would be my last. my oldest child andy[t22] came out as trans and has decided she only goes by female pronouns now. my wife[f41] immediately supported her and made sure that i would too without any arguement or else she would divorce me. it was a huge family issue for a while but eventually it was solved and everything has been good for the last little while. i'm slowly learning more and trying to accept my daughter and her new pronouns and her name change to athena. the problem arose yesterday when my wife and athena sat down with me and told me there was an issue. the tattoo going down my arm still reads "andy" and not "athena" and my wife claims this is hurting our daughter and putting a strain on our relationship. my wife told me she wants me to get it touched up to correct it but i explained to her tattoos don't work like that and you can't just change "andy" to "athena". i told her i would most likely need laser tattoo removal surgery and then would need to pay the cost of a brand new tattoo which i can not afford either of. i explained how my tattoo is such a non issue that i don't understand why this needs to be brought up now. athena yelled at me and called me a shitty father and said if i don't support who she is, i just need to leave her life. my wife threatened to go stay with her parents with the kids if i don't "get my act together". i personally don't see the reason to change the tattoo and this feels like a bigger problem then it should be. so im basically wondering if im the asshole in this situation.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway for obvious reasons. basically i [m42] got tattoos of the names of all 3 of my children. i got them going down my arm and they read from top to bottom (not actual names) "andy, sara, kate". i had these tattoos all done at once after kate was born knowing she would be my last. my oldest child andy[t22] came out as trans and has decided she only goes by female pronouns now. my wife[f41] immediately supported her and made sure that i would too without any arguement or else she would divorce me. it was a huge family issue for a while but eventually it was solved and everything has been good for the last little while. i'm slowly learning more and trying to accept my daughter and her new pronouns and her name change to athena. the problem arose yesterday when my wife and athena sat down with me and told me there was an issue. the tattoo going down my arm still reads "andy" and not "athena" and my wife claims this is hurting our daughter and putting a strain on our relationship. my wife told me she wants me to get it touched up to correct it but i explained to her tattoos don't work like that and you can't just change "andy" to "athena". i told her i would most likely need laser tattoo removal surgery and then would need to pay the cost of a brand new tattoo which i can not afford either of. i explained how my tattoo is such a non issue that i don't understand why this needs to be brought up now. athena yelled at me and called me a shitty father and said if i don't support who she is, i just need to leave her life. my wife threatened to go stay with her parents with the kids if i don't "get my act together". i personally don't see the reason to change the tattoo and this feels like a bigger problem then it should be. so im basically wondering if im the asshole in this situation. [/INST] nta. the hypocrisy that you have to accept her unconditionally yet she gets to dictate to you what you need to do to your body is unbelievable. </s>
WIBTA if I reported a family friend who outed my pregnancy to her place of work?	*update* i reported her first thing this morning. she was the one who answered and i said i had to talk to my ob, but she couldn’t come to the phone right then and called me back 20 mins later. i explained the situation, she thanked me for telling her and said that they take matters like this very seriously and will be looking into it immediately. i doubt they’ll let me know what happens but if i do hear anything i’ll update again. thanks so much, everyone! i (20f) recently found out that i’m pregnant, which came as a surprise because i’m on bc. i made an appointment with an ob that’s close to me with high ratings to confirm the pregnancy, and when i walked in i was immediately concerned because the woman behind the desk is a friend of my mom’s. they’re not super close, i hadn’t seen her in years, but they’ve known each other since high school and i know they sort of keep in touch. i didn’t feel ready to tell anyone other than my bf and obviously dr about the baby, so i was freaking out a little, but my bf assured me that she wouldn’t be able to say anything to my mom about the baby without my consent. when i got home my mom was waiting for me because she already knew about the baby. apparently her friend had texted to congratulate her before i could even make it home. everything is going to be okay and my mom is being supportive, but honestly i’m pissed at this lady and i want to report her to the ob. my family is supportive of the baby, but if she had opened her big mouth to someone with a different kind of family, the outcome could have been really bad. my bf agrees with me but thinks it’s kinda karen-ish, on the other hand my mom thinks her friend crossed a few lines, but to report her and potentially put her employment at risk would be petty and an asshole move. i think mom’s friend is an asshole, and a potentially dangerous one at that. wibta for reporting her big mouth to her employer? tl;dr: the receptionist/office manager at my ob office, who is a family friend, told my mom about my pregnancy, now i want to know wibta for reporting her to her employers.	18,287	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qjeidk/wibta_if_i_reported_a_family_friend_who_outed_my/	2021-10-31 00:45:31	nta. that is a major hippa violation (if you’re in the us). i’m assuming other countries have laws regarding patient privacy as well.	nta. look, if absolutely nothing else, she deliberately robbed you of the chance to tell your own mother that you are pregnant. she did that on purpose. she knew that you were there to find out if you were pregnant. she knew that you literally had not had time to tell your mother, because she texted the instant you yourself found out the results. that’s a major dick move. who does that? who races to tell someone else’s mom news like that? didn’t you want the excitement of telling her that she was going to be a grandma? this woman ruined that. how many other announcements has she ruined? and what if they’re not happy announcements? what if she had texted condolences to your mom when you’d found out that you were ill? how upset would you be if you hadn’t had the chance to break bad news to your mom yourself? i’ve been in a situation where i’ve left a doctors office and sat in my car, trying to work out how to tell my family what the doctor just told me. i’ve literally written down a speech on my phone to rehearse breaking the news of my diagnosis. i can’t imagine walking in to find that my mom had already been texted the news, and i didn’t have the chance to tell her myself in my own way. i would be furious.	nta. this is not only a hipaa breach but could be a deadly one for another woman in a different circumstance.	you should absolutely report her to her employer. are you in the us? hippa laws are very serious here. if you are not in the us, privacy is still very important. this isn't about the harm caused. it is about the breach to confidentiality. think of how her doing this could harm someone! or even just embarrass them. what if you didn't want to keep the child? the list goes on... what in the world was she thinking?????	nta. your ob office needs to know. presuming you are in the us, that is a huge violation of hipaa.	nta you need to go complain to the proper authorities because she broke hippa law when she shared your confidential information without your knowledge...this is big no no for anyone that works in health care or handles health care related stuff even if its just paperwork [https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/guidance-materials-for-consumers/index.html](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/guidance-materials-for-consumers/index.html) [https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/complaint-process/index.html](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/complaint-process/index.html) don't feel guilty if this gets her fired as everyone in the health care industry is well aware of hippa laws and they know what can happen if they break them	omg i would be livid. what if you weren't planning to keep it? what if you maybe, i dunno, wanted to share your own news with your own mother in your own special way??? absolutely report her nta	nta. this is literally the exact kind of situation that hipaa confidentiality rules were intended to protect. while it applies to everyone and limits what kind of war stories can be told at happy hour, the time when hipaa really matters are these kinds of times. your pregnancy when you aren’t ready and may never be ready to tell anyone. a positive std test from a man whose wife is good friends with the testing nurse. a cancer diagnosis for a single mother going through a custody battle when the attending physician knows the father. a vasectomy appointment for a man whose parents are desperate to be grandparents, and the admitting nurse is their niece. confidentiality is required to make people feel comfortable with talking openly with the providers so that they can get the best treatment and being confident that that information will not be open for public discussion. this wasn’t a slip of the tongue accident— she went out of her way to call and tell. report her.	she needs a bite from the hipaapotamus; definitely nta.	nta she broke the law by telling your mother her friend about your private medical records. she’s also in a place or position of authority where she could do some serious harm to someone else if she were to mention something like this to the wrong person, and knows that it’s illegal to give out or break the law and confidence by revealing what she knows. let her face the consequences of her actions and if she loses her job in the process well so be it as she’s only got herself to blame for this.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: *update* i reported her first thing this morning. she was the one who answered and i said i had to talk to my ob, but she couldn’t come to the phone right then and called me back 20 mins later. i explained the situation, she thanked me for telling her and said that they take matters like this very seriously and will be looking into it immediately. i doubt they’ll let me know what happens but if i do hear anything i’ll update again. thanks so much, everyone! i (20f) recently found out that i’m pregnant, which came as a surprise because i’m on bc. i made an appointment with an ob that’s close to me with high ratings to confirm the pregnancy, and when i walked in i was immediately concerned because the woman behind the desk is a friend of my mom’s. they’re not super close, i hadn’t seen her in years, but they’ve known each other since high school and i know they sort of keep in touch. i didn’t feel ready to tell anyone other than my bf and obviously dr about the baby, so i was freaking out a little, but my bf assured me that she wouldn’t be able to say anything to my mom about the baby without my consent. when i got home my mom was waiting for me because she already knew about the baby. apparently her friend had texted to congratulate her before i could even make it home. everything is going to be okay and my mom is being supportive, but honestly i’m pissed at this lady and i want to report her to the ob. my family is supportive of the baby, but if she had opened her big mouth to someone with a different kind of family, the outcome could have been really bad. my bf agrees with me but thinks it’s kinda karen-ish, on the other hand my mom thinks her friend crossed a few lines, but to report her and potentially put her employment at risk would be petty and an asshole move. i think mom’s friend is an asshole, and a potentially dangerous one at that. wibta for reporting her big mouth to her employer? tl;dr: the receptionist/office manager at my ob office, who is a family friend, told my mom about my pregnancy, now i want to know wibta for reporting her to her employers.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> *update* i reported her first thing this morning. she was the one who answered and i said i had to talk to my ob, but she couldn’t come to the phone right then and called me back 20 mins later. i explained the situation, she thanked me for telling her and said that they take matters like this very seriously and will be looking into it immediately. i doubt they’ll let me know what happens but if i do hear anything i’ll update again. thanks so much, everyone! i (20f) recently found out that i’m pregnant, which came as a surprise because i’m on bc. i made an appointment with an ob that’s close to me with high ratings to confirm the pregnancy, and when i walked in i was immediately concerned because the woman behind the desk is a friend of my mom’s. they’re not super close, i hadn’t seen her in years, but they’ve known each other since high school and i know they sort of keep in touch. i didn’t feel ready to tell anyone other than my bf and obviously dr about the baby, so i was freaking out a little, but my bf assured me that she wouldn’t be able to say anything to my mom about the baby without my consent. when i got home my mom was waiting for me because she already knew about the baby. apparently her friend had texted to congratulate her before i could even make it home. everything is going to be okay and my mom is being supportive, but honestly i’m pissed at this lady and i want to report her to the ob. my family is supportive of the baby, but if she had opened her big mouth to someone with a different kind of family, the outcome could have been really bad. my bf agrees with me but thinks it’s kinda karen-ish, on the other hand my mom thinks her friend crossed a few lines, but to report her and potentially put her employment at risk would be petty and an asshole move. i think mom’s friend is an asshole, and a potentially dangerous one at that. wibta for reporting her big mouth to her employer? tl;dr: the receptionist/office manager at my ob office, who is a family friend, told my mom about my pregnancy, now i want to know wibta for reporting her to her employers. [/INST] nta. that is a major hippa violation (if you’re in the us). i’m assuming other countries have laws regarding patient privacy as well. </s>
AITA for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep?	for context, a relative of what used to be a close friend of mine whom we'll call gary for this story contracted cancer. i (mid-20s male) was sympathetic and even contributed $100 to a donation pool for their treatment. but gary came to me one day and took his hat off to reveal a freshly shaven head. he told me that everyone in his family were doing it in support of his relative, and so were a lot of our mutual friends. then he asked that i get on the bandwagon. i told him i didn't want to shave my head because i like my hair. my hair is black, regularly combed and well styled. he said i could just get a wig or something and had actually brought his shaver kit. he was unboxing it when i told him this was not happening. i don't even really know his relative that he's doing this for. so i'm not doing it, end of discussion. he called me an &$$hole and left angry. we didn't speak for a week. then last saturday i got invited to a party at another close friend's house. there i found out that gary had tried the same thing on several other friends, and only a couple of them actually did shave their heads. gary wasn't at the party, so i had a blast hanging out, playing video games and listening to rock music. but i had way too much to drink and couldn't drive home. so they said i could just sleep upstairs. i passed out on a bed and it was a blissful sleep till i was shaken awake by another friend who told me gary had showed up late and they caught him shaving my head while i was passed out. i saw what i looked like in a mirror and wanted to scream like i was in a horror movie. gary even shaved off one of my eyebrows. gary was still there and acting proud of himself saying "now you're gonna have to shave off the rest, just like me! lol!" i was furious and called the cops. when they got their gary fully admitted to what he had done to me and even said he was justified. the police didn't seem to think so as this is classified as a form of assault. they asked me if i wanted to press charges and the first words out of my mouth were "hell yes!" gary cussed me out while they took him away in cuffs. i tried getting my hair restyled into something presentable. but there was no saving it and now i'm bald too. now a bunch of gary's family are telling me to drop the charges because gary was off his meds and didn't mean to do it. i was like "wtf?!" because i never knew he was on meds. but i still refused to drop the charges. it'll take months to grow my hair back the way it was. but all of the calls and messages from gary's relatives are starting to get to me. just about everyone else in our friend group has cut gary out though and say that i'm doing the right thing by not dropping the charges. so now i'm divided. aita for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep?	18,413	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sf67dm/aita_for_pressing_charges_on_a_former_friend_for/	2022-01-29 01:16:57	nta contact the da that is handling the case and let him know that his family is pressuring you to drop the charges. they may be violating the law too. if gary hasn't learned to take his meds, a little time in jail will teach him that lesson.	nta. tell the family your gonna report them for harassment if they keep this up. and then follow through.	nta. the police called it assault because that's what it is. block all his relatives, but save any messages you already have and report them for harassment. do not feel bad about pressing charges either - he assaulted you and was proud of it.	press those charges! i’m going to say this as an extremely mentally i’ll person with four professionally diagnosed disorders… while your mental illness may be a reason for your actions, it will never be an excuse! own up to your actions. whether you were aware of them or not, what you did caused harm to someone, and that’s something you need to take accountability for. if you murder someone but have a mental illness, you’re still put in an asylum and not set free. that’s because, while you need help, you also need to be held accountable. you pressing charges is the right move, don’t listen to their gaslighting. you need to stand up for yourself and make sure this “friend” doesn’t do anything like that to anyone again. hair is such an important thing! on a side note, everyone else in the comments is right. make a full record of every single thing his relatives are saying. tell each and every person that if they continue to message you, that you will report them for harassment. follow through if they do! i don’t think blocking them is a good idea, if you do that then you won’t be able to have proof if they actually do harass you and so then you won’t be able to nail those rude people lol. anyways, i wish you luck! :)	nta. i am so over people shaving their heads for their friends and relatives who have cancer when the patient isn't even involved in it and often doesn't want them to. absolutely, press those charges! this will teach gary to stay on his meds and unfortunately losing most of his friends will hopefully cement that lesson. i'm sorry that happened to you.	nta. being off meds may be a reason, but it's never an excuse and that was definitely assault. in fact, if you haven't already told the police, make sure they know that gary previously asked you to "get on the bandwagon", said he'd shave it for you while unpacking his equipment!, you refused and he verbally assaulted you. he knew you didn't and wouldn't consent, but did it anyway while you were unconscious. block gary and his relatives from everything, try not to get upset when you can't avoid a mirror, and hope your hair grows back better than before :)	nta. that was completely unacceptable. if he was "off his meds" his lawyer can bring that up as a mitigating factor. he'll probably only get community service.	...but did you shave the other eyebrow to even out the regrowth?	nta what he did was assault, he’s getting assault charges because of what he did.	nta mental illness is not justification for assaulting someone.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, a relative of what used to be a close friend of mine whom we'll call gary for this story contracted cancer. i (mid-20s male) was sympathetic and even contributed $100 to a donation pool for their treatment. but gary came to me one day and took his hat off to reveal a freshly shaven head. he told me that everyone in his family were doing it in support of his relative, and so were a lot of our mutual friends. then he asked that i get on the bandwagon. i told him i didn't want to shave my head because i like my hair. my hair is black, regularly combed and well styled. he said i could just get a wig or something and had actually brought his shaver kit. he was unboxing it when i told him this was not happening. i don't even really know his relative that he's doing this for. so i'm not doing it, end of discussion. he called me an &$$hole and left angry. we didn't speak for a week. then last saturday i got invited to a party at another close friend's house. there i found out that gary had tried the same thing on several other friends, and only a couple of them actually did shave their heads. gary wasn't at the party, so i had a blast hanging out, playing video games and listening to rock music. but i had way too much to drink and couldn't drive home. so they said i could just sleep upstairs. i passed out on a bed and it was a blissful sleep till i was shaken awake by another friend who told me gary had showed up late and they caught him shaving my head while i was passed out. i saw what i looked like in a mirror and wanted to scream like i was in a horror movie. gary even shaved off one of my eyebrows. gary was still there and acting proud of himself saying "now you're gonna have to shave off the rest, just like me! lol!" i was furious and called the cops. when they got their gary fully admitted to what he had done to me and even said he was justified. the police didn't seem to think so as this is classified as a form of assault. they asked me if i wanted to press charges and the first words out of my mouth were "hell yes!" gary cussed me out while they took him away in cuffs. i tried getting my hair restyled into something presentable. but there was no saving it and now i'm bald too. now a bunch of gary's family are telling me to drop the charges because gary was off his meds and didn't mean to do it. i was like "wtf?!" because i never knew he was on meds. but i still refused to drop the charges. it'll take months to grow my hair back the way it was. but all of the calls and messages from gary's relatives are starting to get to me. just about everyone else in our friend group has cut gary out though and say that i'm doing the right thing by not dropping the charges. so now i'm divided. aita for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> for context, a relative of what used to be a close friend of mine whom we'll call gary for this story contracted cancer. i (mid-20s male) was sympathetic and even contributed $100 to a donation pool for their treatment. but gary came to me one day and took his hat off to reveal a freshly shaven head. he told me that everyone in his family were doing it in support of his relative, and so were a lot of our mutual friends. then he asked that i get on the bandwagon. i told him i didn't want to shave my head because i like my hair. my hair is black, regularly combed and well styled. he said i could just get a wig or something and had actually brought his shaver kit. he was unboxing it when i told him this was not happening. i don't even really know his relative that he's doing this for. so i'm not doing it, end of discussion. he called me an &$$hole and left angry. we didn't speak for a week. then last saturday i got invited to a party at another close friend's house. there i found out that gary had tried the same thing on several other friends, and only a couple of them actually did shave their heads. gary wasn't at the party, so i had a blast hanging out, playing video games and listening to rock music. but i had way too much to drink and couldn't drive home. so they said i could just sleep upstairs. i passed out on a bed and it was a blissful sleep till i was shaken awake by another friend who told me gary had showed up late and they caught him shaving my head while i was passed out. i saw what i looked like in a mirror and wanted to scream like i was in a horror movie. gary even shaved off one of my eyebrows. gary was still there and acting proud of himself saying "now you're gonna have to shave off the rest, just like me! lol!" i was furious and called the cops. when they got their gary fully admitted to what he had done to me and even said he was justified. the police didn't seem to think so as this is classified as a form of assault. they asked me if i wanted to press charges and the first words out of my mouth were "hell yes!" gary cussed me out while they took him away in cuffs. i tried getting my hair restyled into something presentable. but there was no saving it and now i'm bald too. now a bunch of gary's family are telling me to drop the charges because gary was off his meds and didn't mean to do it. i was like "wtf?!" because i never knew he was on meds. but i still refused to drop the charges. it'll take months to grow my hair back the way it was. but all of the calls and messages from gary's relatives are starting to get to me. just about everyone else in our friend group has cut gary out though and say that i'm doing the right thing by not dropping the charges. so now i'm divided. aita for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep? [/INST] nta contact the da that is handling the case and let him know that his family is pressuring you to drop the charges. they may be violating the law too. if gary hasn't learned to take his meds, a little time in jail will teach him that lesson. </s>
AITA For wanting to keep my bees even though my new neighbor's son is highly allergic to them?	i have been keeping bees as a hobby for six years now. i have 4 hives in my suburbian backyard along with a large garden. my hives are all properly registered and are legal to keep in my town as of right now. the problem is that my new neighbors have asked me to get rid of my bees. they purchased the house and moved in over the winter and hadn't noticed my girls until this spring. apparently their son is highly allergic to bee stings. he has been hospitalized more than once and has to carry an epi pen. they asked nicely but seemed a little upset when i said i don't think i could do that. they didn't push the issue with me further but i saw a rant on nextdoor that i am sure was written by them. some time after that some of the bee hating nextdoor people when to our town board and tried to get bee keeping outlawed in our town. luckily it didn't pass and they had mentioned in the minutes that current bee keepers would have to be grandfathered in if it did (because of that i am even more wary of giving it up in case they do bring this legislation up again if i have active hives i can keep them) my neighbors and i aren't really on speaking terms now. aita for wanting to keep doing my hobby?	22,451	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/on1alk/aita_for_wanting_to_keep_my_bees_even_though_my/	2021-07-18 22:46:45	nta. it wasn't unreasonable of them to ask, nor were they the assholes until they started a rant on nextdoor and tried to legislate against your hobby/pets. you were there first. you didn't move your hives, just winterized them. they were still in your yard. plenty of people are allergic to bees, and they go about their activities with caution and an epi pen.	i want to be clear that this is not your fault. bee keeping is a good hobby, one that helps us all out. buying a home next to you isn't theirs, either, unless there was some sign that you had bees on your property. this is just a series of unfortunate circumstances. i can't really call them ta when their son could be hospitalized (or worse). that's terrifying. i can't exactly tell you all to move. therefore, i will say nah.	nah… but as someone with anaphylactic reactions i feel a lot of empathy for the family. the bees aren’t staying on your property. this poor kids yard is totally unsafe for him. it’s sad.	nah - but i've got to say...i've never heard of someone keeping bees in the suburbs with the houses 25ft apart. there's no way the new neighbors could've anticipated that. i, personally, would feel like an ah continuing a hobby that could kill the neighbor kid.	nta - bees fly up to 3 miles from their hive to forage. they are everywhere and good for the environment. if he doesn’t bother them then they are unlikely to bother him	nah. my uncle was in a similar position. the neighbor was highly allergic and he had several bee hives. what he did was find people in the neighborhood with nice gardens and asked them if they wanted the hives in their yards. he maintained them and got the honey, they got their plants pollinated. worked out great.	nta and i would look into cameras to watch the hives. people do stupid things to get what they want and since the proper channels failed, they might try something drastic like trying to poison the hives.	[deleted]	yta i'm a beekeeper. bees are awesome, and i love my hives. just one question: how would you feel if your hobby killed a child?	nah. i don’t blame them for asking. i’m also surprised the realtor didn’t mention that you had bees to them. they probably wouldn’t have moved in if they knew. obviously don’t get rid of the bees if you don’t want to, but try and have a little compassion for them. they’re probably stressed from moving and finding out that they live right next to their kids deadly allergen is also pretty stressful.	NTA	NAH	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	null	YTA	NAH	0.144338	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been keeping bees as a hobby for six years now. i have 4 hives in my suburbian backyard along with a large garden. my hives are all properly registered and are legal to keep in my town as of right now. the problem is that my new neighbors have asked me to get rid of my bees. they purchased the house and moved in over the winter and hadn't noticed my girls until this spring. apparently their son is highly allergic to bee stings. he has been hospitalized more than once and has to carry an epi pen. they asked nicely but seemed a little upset when i said i don't think i could do that. they didn't push the issue with me further but i saw a rant on nextdoor that i am sure was written by them. some time after that some of the bee hating nextdoor people when to our town board and tried to get bee keeping outlawed in our town. luckily it didn't pass and they had mentioned in the minutes that current bee keepers would have to be grandfathered in if it did (because of that i am even more wary of giving it up in case they do bring this legislation up again if i have active hives i can keep them) my neighbors and i aren't really on speaking terms now. aita for wanting to keep doing my hobby?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have been keeping bees as a hobby for six years now. i have 4 hives in my suburbian backyard along with a large garden. my hives are all properly registered and are legal to keep in my town as of right now. the problem is that my new neighbors have asked me to get rid of my bees. they purchased the house and moved in over the winter and hadn't noticed my girls until this spring. apparently their son is highly allergic to bee stings. he has been hospitalized more than once and has to carry an epi pen. they asked nicely but seemed a little upset when i said i don't think i could do that. they didn't push the issue with me further but i saw a rant on nextdoor that i am sure was written by them. some time after that some of the bee hating nextdoor people when to our town board and tried to get bee keeping outlawed in our town. luckily it didn't pass and they had mentioned in the minutes that current bee keepers would have to be grandfathered in if it did (because of that i am even more wary of giving it up in case they do bring this legislation up again if i have active hives i can keep them) my neighbors and i aren't really on speaking terms now. aita for wanting to keep doing my hobby? [/INST] nta. it wasn't unreasonable of them to ask, nor were they the assholes until they started a rant on nextdoor and tried to legislate against your hobby/pets. you were there first. you didn't move your hives, just winterized them. they were still in your yard. plenty of people are allergic to bees, and they go about their activities with caution and an epi pen. </s>
AITA for not waking up my girlfriend for her exam after I overheard her calling me a little bitch?	my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy. however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’ i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too. when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did.	38,354	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gth6bg/aita_for_not_waking_up_my_girlfriend_for_her_exam/	2020-05-30 16:40:56	nta. your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. don’t wait for any more red flags. get out of this now. you deserve better.	dude, the way she talked about you is horrible. forget about petty revenge and leave, you deserve better. edited to add : nta	nta as long as you break up with her immediately.	nta now it's time to just break up with her. if you keep being passive aggressive and doing things like this, you'll quickly become an asshole too. better to leave this toxic environment.	nta after what she said you should have confronted her right then and there. embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting them hear that you heard them. if that’s how she acts when she thinks no one can hear her imagine what you haven’t heard. you need to talk to her. she needs to apologize and grow up. you can do better than that. personally, just the alarm thing would be a dealbreaker for me. dealt with it once for a few days in college and i was ready to smash her phone. you don’t get more sleep by setting an alarm for every 10 minutes. you cost the other three girls in the hotel room an hour worth of sleep and make everyone hate you...	esh. her exponentially more than you, but you did a shitty thing. i’d dump her. you know, what you could have done is woken her up just in time for the exam and broken up with her right then. still would a been a rude move but less destructive for her and maybe more satisfying than the passively aggressive move to just let her sleep anyway, sounds like you’re still with her. i’d get out of that asap	karma's a bitch, isn't it? nta, get out of there. you deserve better.	esh. her obviously waaaaay more than you, by a mile. but instead of petty vengeance, you should have said "what the fuck was that you said to your friend?" and dealt with it.	nta but also definitely dump this girl.	nta, she didn't respect you. so why would you do anything helpful for her? also get out of that relationship.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy. however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’ i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too. when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning. i usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she sets. she has joked that i’m her butler before and within the context of a relationship it’s ok so i didn’t mind, obviously i want to love my partner and try make her life easy. however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought i couldn’t hear. she was bragging that i’m her little bitch and i do everything for her when she tells me to, etc. it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like ‘good, put him in his place’ and she was agreeing. she specifically said ‘yeah i’m not worried about tomorrow because the bitch will make sure i’m up and he’ll probably have breakfast ready for me too’ i went to bed pretty hurt by it, and come morning i didn’t bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go. she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her, but i let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and i turned around and went back to sleep too. when she woke up she was yelling at me saying i’m an asshole and i’ve cost her her exam and i’m a piece of shit for what i did. [/INST] nta. your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. don’t wait for any more red flags. get out of this now. you deserve better. </s>
AITA for keeping my grandmothers ring when it was given to me by “mistake”?	my grandmother passed earlier this year and she had a pretty nice jewelry collection. before she passed she knew what went to who and had had me meet to see what i’d like. instead of jewelry i asked for her wedding dress. no one else wanted it, i had gotten married in it, and she was really touched. after talking to her kids she went ahead and gave it to me before passing. when she did pass away i was surprised she hadn’t written down who got what pieces. since i had already passed on inheritance of a piece i didn’t go to the meeting with the rest of the family. basically they sat down and went oldest to youngest and let each person pick until there were no pieces. from what i heard it was peaceful and everyone was happy. since i wasn’t there they still wanted me to have something and picked a ring they thought had fake diamonds. it was the biggest and they assumed it was a diamond substitute. it was sweet of them to do that, so i could have a piece of her everyday too. when i got the ring i didn’t examine it. it was big enough i thought it was fake too. but then i saw a diamond on the inside band (indicating leo diamonds). i took it to get it evaluated and it has real diamonds. it’s value is about 5k more than her next expensive piece (they had the papers on all of those). essentially i got a nicer and more expensive piece than even her oldest daughter. but they chose it for me. now, they want to redo the distribution. but i feel like it’s fair. i didn’t ask for anything, they gave me something anyways, now they realize the value of it and want it back. aita if i refuse? edit to add info: i didn’t tell anyone. the jeweler mentioned it to my aunt and it got around to the rest of the family.	20,016	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0lpvl/aita_for_keeping_my_grandmothers_ring_when_it_was/	2019-09-06 19:58:32	nta - they literally chose the ring for you. not your fault they didn't have the jewelry appraised first. they honestly sound so greedy, it was about the sentiment before and now it's about the money? nope, you're good, enjoy your ring!!	nta. they're being greedy.	nta. if it was fake you can keep it but once it’s worth something they want it back? well, they already gave it to you. you can’t just gift something to someone and then ask for it back. that would make them ta	you shouldn’t have even mentioned it to them. not their business.	nta. so they're willing to let you have junk but now want it back when it's actually worth something? nope, too late. it's yours. they had their chance.	nta. this is really distasteful that they're doing that. honestly i think you made a mistake in informing them the diamonds worth. bad move, should've kept that to yourself. in the end i suppose you have to decide how much that is worth to you in the grand scheme of things and how it will affect your relationship with your family. i feel like you have the right to keep it, they gave it to you and it's their own fault for not checking it's value first.	nta. it sounds like they only wanted you to have a piece of her every day if it wasn't valuable.	nta they had ample time to examine the ring like you did. they chose to give it to you but now they want it back because its valuable? that's pretty crappy to me. why can't you have something that is valuable? i would keep it, no givesies backsies. however, if you feel like it's fair and you're okay with it, give it back. if you want to keep it, put it in a safe deposit box at a bank. small ones are cheap enough. some banks have a special where if you open up a checking account, the first year is free. i would call around. the choice is up to you. if you chose the latter, i wouldn't be surprised if it "goes missing" in the coming weeks until it's secured. take care and good luck	nta - i’m going to be the superstitious one and tell you it’s your grandma’s doing from afterlife. now make her proud by being a super duper person.	since op said that she doesn’t intend to sell it then she’s clearly nta. whoever wants to redistribute it is just looking to increase their wealth. op having the ring will possibly keep it in the family a lot longer than cousin martha would if she had the ring.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandmother passed earlier this year and she had a pretty nice jewelry collection. before she passed she knew what went to who and had had me meet to see what i’d like. instead of jewelry i asked for her wedding dress. no one else wanted it, i had gotten married in it, and she was really touched. after talking to her kids she went ahead and gave it to me before passing. when she did pass away i was surprised she hadn’t written down who got what pieces. since i had already passed on inheritance of a piece i didn’t go to the meeting with the rest of the family. basically they sat down and went oldest to youngest and let each person pick until there were no pieces. from what i heard it was peaceful and everyone was happy. since i wasn’t there they still wanted me to have something and picked a ring they thought had fake diamonds. it was the biggest and they assumed it was a diamond substitute. it was sweet of them to do that, so i could have a piece of her everyday too. when i got the ring i didn’t examine it. it was big enough i thought it was fake too. but then i saw a diamond on the inside band (indicating leo diamonds). i took it to get it evaluated and it has real diamonds. it’s value is about 5k more than her next expensive piece (they had the papers on all of those). essentially i got a nicer and more expensive piece than even her oldest daughter. but they chose it for me. now, they want to redo the distribution. but i feel like it’s fair. i didn’t ask for anything, they gave me something anyways, now they realize the value of it and want it back. aita if i refuse? edit to add info: i didn’t tell anyone. the jeweler mentioned it to my aunt and it got around to the rest of the family.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my grandmother passed earlier this year and she had a pretty nice jewelry collection. before she passed she knew what went to who and had had me meet to see what i’d like. instead of jewelry i asked for her wedding dress. no one else wanted it, i had gotten married in it, and she was really touched. after talking to her kids she went ahead and gave it to me before passing. when she did pass away i was surprised she hadn’t written down who got what pieces. since i had already passed on inheritance of a piece i didn’t go to the meeting with the rest of the family. basically they sat down and went oldest to youngest and let each person pick until there were no pieces. from what i heard it was peaceful and everyone was happy. since i wasn’t there they still wanted me to have something and picked a ring they thought had fake diamonds. it was the biggest and they assumed it was a diamond substitute. it was sweet of them to do that, so i could have a piece of her everyday too. when i got the ring i didn’t examine it. it was big enough i thought it was fake too. but then i saw a diamond on the inside band (indicating leo diamonds). i took it to get it evaluated and it has real diamonds. it’s value is about 5k more than her next expensive piece (they had the papers on all of those). essentially i got a nicer and more expensive piece than even her oldest daughter. but they chose it for me. now, they want to redo the distribution. but i feel like it’s fair. i didn’t ask for anything, they gave me something anyways, now they realize the value of it and want it back. aita if i refuse? edit to add info: i didn’t tell anyone. the jeweler mentioned it to my aunt and it got around to the rest of the family. [/INST] nta - they literally chose the ring for you. not your fault they didn't have the jewelry appraised first. they honestly sound so greedy, it was about the sentiment before and now it's about the money? nope, you're good, enjoy your ring!! </s>
AITA for asking my girlfriend to go help out in the kitchen with the other ladies?	hi all my (30m) girlfriend "laura" (39f) and i went to my parents place for a family gathering yesterday night. my parents have weird, backwards "traditional" views, that women are "wives and mothers" before anything else. girls in my family were taught to dress "modestly", and focus their energies on becoming a "good wife" to attract a "respectable man". laura is a senior doctor. she is practically the polar opposite of my parents worldview. she is pregnant at the moment and has made very clear she intends to go back to work as soon as the baby comes, and wants me to stay with the kid (which i don't mind doing as she makes much more money than me, but we haven't told my parents this of course). she always dresses elegantly, has her hair and makeup done to perfection and lives in heels. my parents have repeatedly voiced their disapproval of her clothes and lifestyle, as well as the fact that she's older than me, when the opposite is true for everyone else in the family. now that the pregnancy has been announced, i warned laura that there will be much more focus on us, especially as we're not planning to marry just yet which they already disapprove of. normally what happens at our family gatherings is that the women stay in the kitchen, helping prepare the food, lay out the table and clean up after everything is done, while the men hang out in the front room. laura has understandably never taken part in this tradition and prefers to just stay near me. however, i asked if she would just play along this time. everyone is going to be talking about the pregnancy, and someone is going to mention the fact that we aren't married. i feel like pushing the boundaries any further will cause a scene which nobody wants. laura agreed and did the kitchen routine through gritted teeth. however when we got in the car to go home she was enraged. she said she isn't "a fucking waitress" and said i have another thing coming if i'm expecting that from her in the future. i wasn't sure what to say to her. i took no pleasure in seeing her taking part in my family's weird traditions. it was just something to prevent them questioning her choices and lifestyle and how she chooses to live out her pregnancy. it was to protect her. aita?	4,638	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vqb8ib/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_go_help_out_in/	2022-07-03 06:29:32	yta why are you even tolerating this bullshit? why aren't you standing up for the mother of your child? you don't wanna rock the boat with your family? well if that's the case why bother with laura at all and not stick to what your family expects? why put her through that? if you have a daughter will you expect her to conform to these idiotic, patriarchal and antiquated "roles" infront of her grandparents so they don't get upset? grow up and get a back bone. if you want laura then stand up for her and if your family don't like it then it's their problem.	yta and a giant flaming one at that. “i’m doing it to protect her” - she can do that on her own. if she cared about your family’s traditions she’d be complying with them. she clearly doesn’t, and doesn’t care what they think about that. who cares what they think or what they say? clearly you’re the only one out of the two of you who does, otherwise you’d be backing her up instead of asking her to bend to them. you better give her so many apologies.	yta. don't foist your weird family rules on her.	yta instead of putting a stop to this misogynistic "tradition" you forced her into it knowing she wouldn't enjoy being part of it and didn't agree with it. you put your family "tradition" above her. you need to stand up to your family and have your girlfriends back and not force her into anything, let alone force her into something to keep the peace with your family.	[removed]	yta how did you protect her by not being with her and giving in? next time you go to the kitchen	yta - not only have you been tolerating mysoginy, you forced it on your girlfriend.	yta to protect her you could have stood up for her, and with her, showing your family that you and her are united. affirming with her that she is important and you respect her as she is. instead you asked her to kowtow to your family's backwards views, and placed more importance on your family's impression of her. you may have been trying to protect her from them, but you did so at the detriment to your relationship with her, and damaged her trust that you are not sexist and misogynistic like them.	yta. you expected your pregnant gf to do kitchen chores while the men sat on their buts.... my own grandmother would never had done that. and you actually managed to convince yourself that you were protecting her???? no - you were protecting yourself. you didn't want to have to deal with the confrontation. heads up: you have a choice. yourgf or your family. because if you don't... you will lose your girlfriend. your job is to stand up for her, have her back and support her.	yta it's not a tradition, it's just sexist misogyny, don't confuse the two.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all my (30m) girlfriend "laura" (39f) and i went to my parents place for a family gathering yesterday night. my parents have weird, backwards "traditional" views, that women are "wives and mothers" before anything else. girls in my family were taught to dress "modestly", and focus their energies on becoming a "good wife" to attract a "respectable man". laura is a senior doctor. she is practically the polar opposite of my parents worldview. she is pregnant at the moment and has made very clear she intends to go back to work as soon as the baby comes, and wants me to stay with the kid (which i don't mind doing as she makes much more money than me, but we haven't told my parents this of course). she always dresses elegantly, has her hair and makeup done to perfection and lives in heels. my parents have repeatedly voiced their disapproval of her clothes and lifestyle, as well as the fact that she's older than me, when the opposite is true for everyone else in the family. now that the pregnancy has been announced, i warned laura that there will be much more focus on us, especially as we're not planning to marry just yet which they already disapprove of. normally what happens at our family gatherings is that the women stay in the kitchen, helping prepare the food, lay out the table and clean up after everything is done, while the men hang out in the front room. laura has understandably never taken part in this tradition and prefers to just stay near me. however, i asked if she would just play along this time. everyone is going to be talking about the pregnancy, and someone is going to mention the fact that we aren't married. i feel like pushing the boundaries any further will cause a scene which nobody wants. laura agreed and did the kitchen routine through gritted teeth. however when we got in the car to go home she was enraged. she said she isn't "a fucking waitress" and said i have another thing coming if i'm expecting that from her in the future. i wasn't sure what to say to her. i took no pleasure in seeing her taking part in my family's weird traditions. it was just something to prevent them questioning her choices and lifestyle and how she chooses to live out her pregnancy. it was to protect her. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi all my (30m) girlfriend "laura" (39f) and i went to my parents place for a family gathering yesterday night. my parents have weird, backwards "traditional" views, that women are "wives and mothers" before anything else. girls in my family were taught to dress "modestly", and focus their energies on becoming a "good wife" to attract a "respectable man". laura is a senior doctor. she is practically the polar opposite of my parents worldview. she is pregnant at the moment and has made very clear she intends to go back to work as soon as the baby comes, and wants me to stay with the kid (which i don't mind doing as she makes much more money than me, but we haven't told my parents this of course). she always dresses elegantly, has her hair and makeup done to perfection and lives in heels. my parents have repeatedly voiced their disapproval of her clothes and lifestyle, as well as the fact that she's older than me, when the opposite is true for everyone else in the family. now that the pregnancy has been announced, i warned laura that there will be much more focus on us, especially as we're not planning to marry just yet which they already disapprove of. normally what happens at our family gatherings is that the women stay in the kitchen, helping prepare the food, lay out the table and clean up after everything is done, while the men hang out in the front room. laura has understandably never taken part in this tradition and prefers to just stay near me. however, i asked if she would just play along this time. everyone is going to be talking about the pregnancy, and someone is going to mention the fact that we aren't married. i feel like pushing the boundaries any further will cause a scene which nobody wants. laura agreed and did the kitchen routine through gritted teeth. however when we got in the car to go home she was enraged. she said she isn't "a fucking waitress" and said i have another thing coming if i'm expecting that from her in the future. i wasn't sure what to say to her. i took no pleasure in seeing her taking part in my family's weird traditions. it was just something to prevent them questioning her choices and lifestyle and how she chooses to live out her pregnancy. it was to protect her. aita? [/INST] yta why are you even tolerating this bullshit? why aren't you standing up for the mother of your child? you don't wanna rock the boat with your family? well if that's the case why bother with laura at all and not stick to what your family expects? why put her through that? if you have a daughter will you expect her to conform to these idiotic, patriarchal and antiquated "roles" infront of her grandparents so they don't get upset? grow up and get a back bone. if you want laura then stand up for her and if your family don't like it then it's their problem. </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend what her chicken nuggets are made of ?	throwaway account because my friends know my account and i don't want to embarrass my girlfriend. i m(26) have been dating my girlfriend f(24) for almost a year. i have been vegetarian for two years, while my girlfriend doesn't eat many things, because she finds them disgusting. just the smell of certain things (often vegetables, to my detriment) can make her throw up. i haven't talked to her much about vegetarianism because i know she's not a big fan of it, which is fine. until the last time we were at mcdonald's together. she ate a lot of her meals there because she likes almost all of it. she's more into surgary things and fast food. i bought a veggie burger and fries while she treated herself to a twenty pack of chicken nuggets. the afternoon was going well overall until she suddenly started making fun of me. she laughed about how it would be weird to eat here as a vegetarian and that i must hate the veggie burger and only eat it because there is nothing else for me. i was slightly irritated by this because she has never said anything about the subject before and because of this i stamped the statement as a joke. throughout the meal she made odd comments until suddenly she said in a mocking tone, "at least i don't eat grass." i laughed at that and amusedly responded with, "but at least i don't eat shredded chicks." she then stared at me in shock and then looked at her food and asked me what i meant. confused, i explained to her that chicken nuggets from fast food restaurants are usually just chicks that have been thrown into the shredder. upon my explanation, she choked briefly and i was about to ask her if everything was okay until she suddenly threw up on the table. the staff rushed to her but she had already started crying and ashamedly sank into the bench she was sitting on. i tried to de-escalate the situation and told her i didn't mean it, whereupon she stormed out of the mcdonalds. i apologized to the staff for the trouble and hurried after her. unfortunately for me, she was already gone with our car, so i called a cab. we live in a rather remote house (i inherited this house from my grandmother and suggested my girlfriend move in with me as i often only had the opportunity to visit her on weekends. i waited for her to open the door, which she did only after the cab driver drove away. then she didn't even look me in the eyes before she went back into the bedroom. i ran after her and saw that she was packing a bag, whereupon i asked her what she was up to. she burst into tears again and reproached me for saying something like that when i knew what it would do to her and that i would know what it meant to her. i did not answer because she was already crying and let the matter take its course. before she went out the door she told me that she was going to spend some time with her mother. it has been four hours since this happened and i don't know who to talk to about it. i am desperate. so, reddit, aita ? ‼️‼️‼️‼️	4,261	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydsl57/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_what_her_chicken/	2022-10-26 08:18:14	yta, and you clearly know nothing at all about food preparation factories. sure, a lot of the meats are mechanically separated, and maybe its not the best quality meats for some things, but dude, they dont shred chicks at all. wtf. theres no meat on a chick to even bother with shredding it. in this example, mcdonalds is 100% chicken breast meat in their nuggets, regardless of how its processed. get your facts straight before you start spouting nonsense. you ruined her meal, and possibly everyone elses in the restaurant when she vomited. i respect your vegetarian choice. more bacon for me. but you are ta...	esh. for one thing, chicken nuggets are not made of baby chicks. (but she must have known that they were made from dead chickens and, at 24, should have known that the process was not likely to be pretty.) and you know that she's prone to vomit easily. but what was she doing making fun of your dietary choices in the first place? her behavior was rude and unacceptable. was she really irritated about something else? she says she needs to spend some time at her mother's, so the only reasonable thing you can do is to let her spend some time with her mother's. get some sleep. see if she wants to talk tomorrow.	info: do you understand mcdonald's chicken nuggets are not made out of shredded chicks? i am not denying the horrors of the meat industry and the mechanical slaughter of chicks, but they are not then used in mcdonald's nuggets. there are plenty of true things about the meat industry that would put your gf off, but i can't tell if you lied knowingly or really thought that's what the nuggets were made out of. edit because a few people have brought it up, but i'm not interested in getting into an endless circular debate about whether the 'lies' are equal: in my opinion the girlfriend 'lying' about veggie burgers being made of grass is an apples and oranges comparison for the following reasons. 1) vegetarian food being made of grass is a common obnoxious critism every vegetarian and vegan has had from their irritating relatives who think a meal isn't complete unless an animal has died for it. there is an unspoken understanding that everyone involves knows its not literally true. so while the girlfriend was technically also lying, no reasonable person would believe it and i don't think she expected op to. this is not true for the shredded chicks in nuggets statement, because as i said, the meat industry is horrendous and mechanical slaughter (shredding) does happen. so a reasonable person could believe the resulting carnage may end up in a nugget, and op was at best risking her believing him, and at worst wanting her to. 2) the imagery of shredded chicks is obviously a lot more extreme and emotive than grass in a bun. therefore if op believed be was telling the truth, its 50/50 e-s-h due to his gf being irritating and obnoxious, but if he knew his statement wasn't true then its more like 75/25. edit 2: and yes, the birds are slaughtered (not shredded though) very young and could still be argued to be chicks. that would be one of the true horrors of the meat industry that he could have said.	so no one's talking about his gf's statement "at least i don't eat grass." fair enough redditors, fair enough. (ps: i'm not a vegetarian)	nta. why so many y t a and e s h comments? she repeatedly made fun of your dietary choice for no reason but didn't like when you did the same to her. she just didn't like the taste of her own medicine. nta, op.	nta she says that you eat grass, so she eats shredded chicks: you just answered to the same level, that's not lying. she also started mocking you first, she is very petty and immature, and her poor dietary choices align to this description. she shouldn't make fun of people who cares about their diet just because she is not able to. that's low-key resentment for her lack of control on her impulses... something that's very common through people who's not really bright-minded. people just hates vegetarians here, don't mind.	nta. she was completely fine poking fun at your lifestyle decision of going vegetarian and couldn’t handle it when you said one thing back. how absolutely annoying. she sounds extremely immature reacting so dramatically over something so small. and to abandon you like that? to lock you out of the house that is yours? you need to run. she needs to expand her palate and grow up because that’s not at all how a 24 year old woman should react to such a comment.	you two are incompatible. plus really who wants to deal with a person who loves on chicken nuggets but finds like a carrot disgusting? nta	going against the grain with nta. although you were incorrect about the contents of her food, you weren’t that far off - and you had every right to say something. she pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and you finally retorted. it seems a lot people here are giving her a pass, which begs the question - why is it okay to make fun of, and criticize you and your diet, but you can’t give an honest response back? i think a lot of people like to distance themselves regarding what their food used to be, and being reminded of it, pisses them off. you didn’t respond irrationally, she fucked around and literally found out.	esh first off, if you don’t know how something is made, do not speak of it. what you said was deliberate to provoke her. fact is the whole chicken is not tossed into a grinder, but the breast meat is seperated from the body and the meat parts are shredded, and made into ground chicken meat (and other stuff also happens, not going to write it all). now i know the young male chicks will be tossed alive into a grinder, but this is not to make chicken nuggets for mcdonald. so you are an ah for purposly being mean to her. but also she is an ah for saying the things that she did. we should all just simply respect that we all make different choices when it comes to food.	YTA	ESH	INFO	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	0.347438	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account because my friends know my account and i don't want to embarrass my girlfriend. i m(26) have been dating my girlfriend f(24) for almost a year. i have been vegetarian for two years, while my girlfriend doesn't eat many things, because she finds them disgusting. just the smell of certain things (often vegetables, to my detriment) can make her throw up. i haven't talked to her much about vegetarianism because i know she's not a big fan of it, which is fine. until the last time we were at mcdonald's together. she ate a lot of her meals there because she likes almost all of it. she's more into surgary things and fast food. i bought a veggie burger and fries while she treated herself to a twenty pack of chicken nuggets. the afternoon was going well overall until she suddenly started making fun of me. she laughed about how it would be weird to eat here as a vegetarian and that i must hate the veggie burger and only eat it because there is nothing else for me. i was slightly irritated by this because she has never said anything about the subject before and because of this i stamped the statement as a joke. throughout the meal she made odd comments until suddenly she said in a mocking tone, "at least i don't eat grass." i laughed at that and amusedly responded with, "but at least i don't eat shredded chicks." she then stared at me in shock and then looked at her food and asked me what i meant. confused, i explained to her that chicken nuggets from fast food restaurants are usually just chicks that have been thrown into the shredder. upon my explanation, she choked briefly and i was about to ask her if everything was okay until she suddenly threw up on the table. the staff rushed to her but she had already started crying and ashamedly sank into the bench she was sitting on. i tried to de-escalate the situation and told her i didn't mean it, whereupon she stormed out of the mcdonalds. i apologized to the staff for the trouble and hurried after her. unfortunately for me, she was already gone with our car, so i called a cab. we live in a rather remote house (i inherited this house from my grandmother and suggested my girlfriend move in with me as i often only had the opportunity to visit her on weekends. i waited for her to open the door, which she did only after the cab driver drove away. then she didn't even look me in the eyes before she went back into the bedroom. i ran after her and saw that she was packing a bag, whereupon i asked her what she was up to. she burst into tears again and reproached me for saying something like that when i knew what it would do to her and that i would know what it meant to her. i did not answer because she was already crying and let the matter take its course. before she went out the door she told me that she was going to spend some time with her mother. it has been four hours since this happened and i don't know who to talk to about it. i am desperate. so, reddit, aita ? ‼️‼️‼️‼️	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account because my friends know my account and i don't want to embarrass my girlfriend. i m(26) have been dating my girlfriend f(24) for almost a year. i have been vegetarian for two years, while my girlfriend doesn't eat many things, because she finds them disgusting. just the smell of certain things (often vegetables, to my detriment) can make her throw up. i haven't talked to her much about vegetarianism because i know she's not a big fan of it, which is fine. until the last time we were at mcdonald's together. she ate a lot of her meals there because she likes almost all of it. she's more into surgary things and fast food. i bought a veggie burger and fries while she treated herself to a twenty pack of chicken nuggets. the afternoon was going well overall until she suddenly started making fun of me. she laughed about how it would be weird to eat here as a vegetarian and that i must hate the veggie burger and only eat it because there is nothing else for me. i was slightly irritated by this because she has never said anything about the subject before and because of this i stamped the statement as a joke. throughout the meal she made odd comments until suddenly she said in a mocking tone, "at least i don't eat grass." i laughed at that and amusedly responded with, "but at least i don't eat shredded chicks." she then stared at me in shock and then looked at her food and asked me what i meant. confused, i explained to her that chicken nuggets from fast food restaurants are usually just chicks that have been thrown into the shredder. upon my explanation, she choked briefly and i was about to ask her if everything was okay until she suddenly threw up on the table. the staff rushed to her but she had already started crying and ashamedly sank into the bench she was sitting on. i tried to de-escalate the situation and told her i didn't mean it, whereupon she stormed out of the mcdonalds. i apologized to the staff for the trouble and hurried after her. unfortunately for me, she was already gone with our car, so i called a cab. we live in a rather remote house (i inherited this house from my grandmother and suggested my girlfriend move in with me as i often only had the opportunity to visit her on weekends. i waited for her to open the door, which she did only after the cab driver drove away. then she didn't even look me in the eyes before she went back into the bedroom. i ran after her and saw that she was packing a bag, whereupon i asked her what she was up to. she burst into tears again and reproached me for saying something like that when i knew what it would do to her and that i would know what it meant to her. i did not answer because she was already crying and let the matter take its course. before she went out the door she told me that she was going to spend some time with her mother. it has been four hours since this happened and i don't know who to talk to about it. i am desperate. so, reddit, aita ? ‼️‼️‼️‼️ [/INST] yta, and you clearly know nothing at all about food preparation factories. sure, a lot of the meats are mechanically separated, and maybe its not the best quality meats for some things, but dude, they dont shred chicks at all. wtf. theres no meat on a chick to even bother with shredding it. in this example, mcdonalds is 100% chicken breast meat in their nuggets, regardless of how its processed. get your facts straight before you start spouting nonsense. you ruined her meal, and possibly everyone elses in the restaurant when she vomited. i respect your vegetarian choice. more bacon for me. but you are ta... </s>
AITA for preventing my husband from throwing his daughter an engagement party?	my husband's daughter, we'll call her clara, recently got engaged and he wanted to throw them a party. this is important to him as he feels he feels our daughter together got better birthday parties and this is a point of contention with him. i wasn't even around when she was having these lackluster parties, so i don't know how it is my fault, but somehow it is. at first i agreed, but when i thought about it the groom's mother is banned from our house. she called me a whore to mutual friends, and she got drunk at our house and announced we are bad people for getting married and having a baby, because she never would have done that to her son, and she bragged about how she never introduced a single boyfriend to her son because he wasn't ok with it. that is her choice, but personally i don't think it is healthy to let a child run your life to that extent. she also breastfed her daughter at a dinner party which was fine, but caused her to spill food all over my couch. when i was annoyed she told people i'm anti-breast feeding, and made a joke about how clara will never want to bring her future children to our house. needless to say she is banned. my husband already told clara about the party. he then had to backtrack and explain that while he still wants to throw her a party, the groom's mother cannot come. clara got irritated and said she didn't want the party then and that he was making her event about me. she said i should have thicker skin and not care what this woman says, and cited that her fiance offered to pay for our couch. my husband asked me to reconsider and i said no. there really isn't time to book a venue, so we are just going to cancel. he is now mad at me and thinks i should let it go this one time. i am just not ok with being disrespected, or having someone say my daughter should not exist right in front of my daughter.	4,407	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wc0o7w/aita_for_preventing_my_husband_from_throwing_his/	2022-07-30 15:58:06	yta, it's a singular night, and it's a big moment for his daughter. it's not like she is visiting every week.	esh (other than clara) husband should have run it by you first (	esh. the groom's mother sounds like a nightmare, but you're making this all about you and your beef with her, while clara--who should be the main focus--gets lost in the mix. surely, you can find some kind of compromise to make this work, but you seem completely uninterested in celebrating clara and are fine to just cancel her party entirely. that's just so cold and selfish of you.	[deleted]	nta you have non-negotiable boundaries that must be respected. the mother of the groom did her damage! that bridge is burned, and can only be rebuilt with an honest apology from that woman — which i doubt you’ll get because she sounds just nasty. stick to your guns on this one and do not compromise. do not bend to let that vile woman back into your house — i promise you she will only start another scene and have more trash to talk, and you shouldn’t have to take that!	so no one noticed the animosity the step mother possibly holds for the step daughter? the dad wanted to host the event because his younger daughter had better bd parties and the step mom basically said it wasn’t her fault the older daughter had crappy parties.	info: why is there no time to have it at a restaurant? are they getting married next week? do you plan to exclude your daughter's fmil from your lives forever? none of this makes sense.	yta. if you don't want to be around the groom's mother, you can go do something else on your own for a few hours. cancelling the party your husband wanted to give because you can't stand one of the guests -- even though you've got plenty of very good reason to hate that guest -- isn't the right way to do it.	info: you mentioned that it's too late find a venue so the party just had to be cancelled. but it's not like her mil coming is new information, it's relatively obvious. so why did you wait so long to tell your husband? you could have said something asap and they could have had time to make other arrangements.	nta. but you have a husband and stepdaughter problem, op. the groom's mother sounds like a mess (she would never get married and have a baby bc of her adult son ... but she's breast feeding a baby so i guess she did ...?) but the real problem is that you had to set boundaries with her without the support of your husband or stepdaughter. do you have a bad relationship with clara? is there more to this story?	YTA	ESH	ESH	null	NTA	null	INFO	YTA	INFO	NTA	0.566187	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's daughter, we'll call her clara, recently got engaged and he wanted to throw them a party. this is important to him as he feels he feels our daughter together got better birthday parties and this is a point of contention with him. i wasn't even around when she was having these lackluster parties, so i don't know how it is my fault, but somehow it is. at first i agreed, but when i thought about it the groom's mother is banned from our house. she called me a whore to mutual friends, and she got drunk at our house and announced we are bad people for getting married and having a baby, because she never would have done that to her son, and she bragged about how she never introduced a single boyfriend to her son because he wasn't ok with it. that is her choice, but personally i don't think it is healthy to let a child run your life to that extent. she also breastfed her daughter at a dinner party which was fine, but caused her to spill food all over my couch. when i was annoyed she told people i'm anti-breast feeding, and made a joke about how clara will never want to bring her future children to our house. needless to say she is banned. my husband already told clara about the party. he then had to backtrack and explain that while he still wants to throw her a party, the groom's mother cannot come. clara got irritated and said she didn't want the party then and that he was making her event about me. she said i should have thicker skin and not care what this woman says, and cited that her fiance offered to pay for our couch. my husband asked me to reconsider and i said no. there really isn't time to book a venue, so we are just going to cancel. he is now mad at me and thinks i should let it go this one time. i am just not ok with being disrespected, or having someone say my daughter should not exist right in front of my daughter.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband's daughter, we'll call her clara, recently got engaged and he wanted to throw them a party. this is important to him as he feels he feels our daughter together got better birthday parties and this is a point of contention with him. i wasn't even around when she was having these lackluster parties, so i don't know how it is my fault, but somehow it is. at first i agreed, but when i thought about it the groom's mother is banned from our house. she called me a whore to mutual friends, and she got drunk at our house and announced we are bad people for getting married and having a baby, because she never would have done that to her son, and she bragged about how she never introduced a single boyfriend to her son because he wasn't ok with it. that is her choice, but personally i don't think it is healthy to let a child run your life to that extent. she also breastfed her daughter at a dinner party which was fine, but caused her to spill food all over my couch. when i was annoyed she told people i'm anti-breast feeding, and made a joke about how clara will never want to bring her future children to our house. needless to say she is banned. my husband already told clara about the party. he then had to backtrack and explain that while he still wants to throw her a party, the groom's mother cannot come. clara got irritated and said she didn't want the party then and that he was making her event about me. she said i should have thicker skin and not care what this woman says, and cited that her fiance offered to pay for our couch. my husband asked me to reconsider and i said no. there really isn't time to book a venue, so we are just going to cancel. he is now mad at me and thinks i should let it go this one time. i am just not ok with being disrespected, or having someone say my daughter should not exist right in front of my daughter. [/INST] yta, it's a singular night, and it's a big moment for his daughter. it's not like she is visiting every week. </s>
AITA for not wanting to be a dad?	i(m29) had a child when i was 19. i wasn't ready to be a dad and i asked her to get an abortion. she refused and we decided she could keep the baby and i'll pay child support but i wouldn't be involved in her life. i didn't tell my family about it. 3 months ago when i was at work i received a lot of angry messages from my parents asking me if i have a child. apparently my ex had told them everything because she is sick and wants someone to look after the kid since her own family refused to do this. they were mad at me, telling me it was very selfish to hide their grandchild from them(i'm an only child and she is their only grandchild) they agreed to look after her and brought her into our home (yes i live with my parents to help them with the expenses) i told them that i can't stop them from doing this but i still don't want to be her dad and they agreed. she has been living with us for the past 3 months but everyone forgot about our agreement. two days ago my parents left her with me to go somewhere. i told them i don't want to babysit but no one listened to me. as soon as they left she started coming into my bedroom with different excuses. i finally got annoyed and told her to go to her room and not to come out until her grandparents come home. my parents came back and freaked out when they found out. they called me an ah for being a "horrible dad" but i never wanted to be a dad and i made it clear several times. aita?	10,884	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v5ae1w/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_a_dad/	2022-06-05 10:14:12	yta - the child is a 10 year old, her mother is apparently so unwell that she has to reach out to literal strangers to ensure her child gets care, and you can't even be civil for one afternoon. and even if your parents shouldn't have to leave her alone with you, but have you considered how the kid feels?	yta. so move out? if you don’t want to be a dad, go get your own place and pay the child support you paid your ex to your parents. they can also get help from the state as official foster parents, but might need to take courses. your daughter needs someone to live with because her mother is sick? i would have reached out to extended family too if i was the only one able to care for my child and was too sick to do so. sending her to her room because she’s such an inconvenience to you is such an ah move. she’s still a human being who recently was uprooted from a life she knew.	yta. i get that you never intended to be a dad, but the least you can do now is act like an adult. she didn’t choose to be part of your life either, she’s just trying to make the best of a new and probably very scary situation. as long as you’re both living there, you’ve got to do at least the bare minimum - which means actually spending time with her instead of sending her to her room so you don’t have to deal with her.	esh i say all this as a woman. your ex should have never contacted you from the start. you guys decided a long time ago that you wouldn't be involved and she agreed. i feel for her being a single mother and her family sucks, but ultimately she decided to take on the child herself, she should handle it by herself. your parents suck for taking on the child and not respecting your choice to not be involved. that all being said, this girl was brought back into your life, and while you may not like it, and while you dont have to act like a father to her, you're an asshole for treating her like a nuisance. this child has done nothing wrong and had no choice into being brought into your home. shutting her out is just fucked up on a human level. again, you dont have to be her father, you shouldve looked at this like she was your niece or something and treated her with basic respect and kindness. i'm sure people will argue against me saying that you need to take responsibility as a father but i just disagree. again, what i do think you need to do is take responsibility as an adult and temporary care taker and not shun or neglect any child that is under your temporary supervision.	ok so nobody is going to like this but nta. you are saying you made it clear you did not want to be a dad to your ex from the beginning. no one would be this harsh on a mom for adopting out her kid if she didn’t want to be a mom. this is another darker side of equality is that it has to be equal. my mom’s bio dad didn’t want to be a dad (back in the 60s) but he was made to and he treated my mom and her brother like garbage. yes was he a jerk yeah, but he wouldn’t have been if he wasn’t forced to be a dad when he didn’t want kids. my mom and uncle were much better off when he signed away his rights as a dad and my grandma met the only man i recognize as my grandpa. you aren’t a jerk for blowing off the kids. you didn’t want this. men don’t have a right to tell women they can or can’t get an abortion but at the same side she made the decision to have the baby and you made it clear you didn’t want to. you fucked up at 19, so many people do. i would lawyer up go to court and try to get rid of any legal responsibility you have. also you mentioned you lived with your parents to help them, if they won’t respect your wishes on this it may be time to branch out on your own. best of luck.	yta. 'i finally got annoyed and told her to go to her room and not to come out until her grandparents come home' i don't care if it's your kid or not, that's a horrible way to behave. be a dad, don't be a dad - whatever. but don't be a dick to a kid.	did anyone notice that her family refused to take care of the child? her family knew, but still refused to help her and take care of her daughter. i am not defending his inappropriate attitude towards the kid, but they both made a mutual decision 10 years ago. if he wanted her to keep the baby and she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, he would still be considered an ah? if the grandparents want to take care of her, that's great. but he shouldn't be forced/ guilted to.	nta for the first part, but also dude grow up. you're asked to look after someone else's kid for an afternoon, yta for treating the kid the way you did. it ain't the kids fault they're stuck with you. i guess really it's an esh scenario. the mother because she shouldn't have told your parents, especially if you had an agreement from the getgo that you'd have nothing to do with the kid, your parents for bringing the kid into that house where it wasn't wanted, and you for treating the kid like shit. as a parent i love my kid but i totally get that some people don't want to be parents, and nobody should force someone to be. you at least agreed to pay child support. as the dad you don't get a choice in whether to abort or keep the kid. if you'd mutually agreed to put the kid up for adoption you'd both never see the kid again. so you're nta for not wanting to be a part of the kids life, it's not great, but it's understandable. however you're 100% an asshole for treating the kid like shit once you had contact.	i remember a while ago a post on here where it was a similar situation. a girl got pregnant, didn't want to keep it but her boyfriend did. so she gave birth under the condition that he will take care of the child and she will have nothing to do with this whole situation (except pay the regular child support, which she did). and then he was asking whether he was ta for wanting her back to take care of a child she didn't want. which he was. and everyone said that. it's a similar story but with roles reversed and it upsets me to see so many comments ripping this guy a new one for not wanting to be a dad. he was loud and clear since day one, he doesn't want to be a dad. from my understanding he's paying child support so there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be involved if you didn't want the child in the first place. that being said, you shouldn't have spoken to the poor kid like that op. they didn't do anything wrong, they didn't ask to be born. i understand your frustration because you are now being forced into something that you never agreed to but the kid is as much of a victim in this as you are. try to talk to her mother and your parents and make it as much clear as possible that you want nothing to do with this, you don't want to babysit. if you can't find a middle ground then maybe moving out is a good option. nta..kind of..	nta. i don't know how people don't get that. you never wanted to be a dad and you made it clear multiple times. forcing people into parenthood leads to emotionally abusive parents and traumatised kids. his parents should do the kid and their son both a favour and not try to enforce him to parent her.	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.852562	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(m29) had a child when i was 19. i wasn't ready to be a dad and i asked her to get an abortion. she refused and we decided she could keep the baby and i'll pay child support but i wouldn't be involved in her life. i didn't tell my family about it. 3 months ago when i was at work i received a lot of angry messages from my parents asking me if i have a child. apparently my ex had told them everything because she is sick and wants someone to look after the kid since her own family refused to do this. they were mad at me, telling me it was very selfish to hide their grandchild from them(i'm an only child and she is their only grandchild) they agreed to look after her and brought her into our home (yes i live with my parents to help them with the expenses) i told them that i can't stop them from doing this but i still don't want to be her dad and they agreed. she has been living with us for the past 3 months but everyone forgot about our agreement. two days ago my parents left her with me to go somewhere. i told them i don't want to babysit but no one listened to me. as soon as they left she started coming into my bedroom with different excuses. i finally got annoyed and told her to go to her room and not to come out until her grandparents come home. my parents came back and freaked out when they found out. they called me an ah for being a "horrible dad" but i never wanted to be a dad and i made it clear several times. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i(m29) had a child when i was 19. i wasn't ready to be a dad and i asked her to get an abortion. she refused and we decided she could keep the baby and i'll pay child support but i wouldn't be involved in her life. i didn't tell my family about it. 3 months ago when i was at work i received a lot of angry messages from my parents asking me if i have a child. apparently my ex had told them everything because she is sick and wants someone to look after the kid since her own family refused to do this. they were mad at me, telling me it was very selfish to hide their grandchild from them(i'm an only child and she is their only grandchild) they agreed to look after her and brought her into our home (yes i live with my parents to help them with the expenses) i told them that i can't stop them from doing this but i still don't want to be her dad and they agreed. she has been living with us for the past 3 months but everyone forgot about our agreement. two days ago my parents left her with me to go somewhere. i told them i don't want to babysit but no one listened to me. as soon as they left she started coming into my bedroom with different excuses. i finally got annoyed and told her to go to her room and not to come out until her grandparents come home. my parents came back and freaked out when they found out. they called me an ah for being a "horrible dad" but i never wanted to be a dad and i made it clear several times. aita? [/INST] yta - the child is a 10 year old, her mother is apparently so unwell that she has to reach out to literal strangers to ensure her child gets care, and you can't even be civil for one afternoon. and even if your parents shouldn't have to leave her alone with you, but have you considered how the kid feels? </s>
AITA for laughing in my mother's friends face when she told me to 'go to my room'?	i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita?	25,433	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x1n1cu/aita_for_laughing_in_my_mothers_friends_face_when/	2022-08-30 16:08:52	nta. i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in.	nta the audacity to try and send someone else's adult child to their room. i would have laughed too.	> i may be ta because my mother's friend didn't know me and may have genuinely thought i was a minor as i do look very young for my age. it really wouldn't matter. you're nta now and you'd have been nta if you had been a minor - she had no business speaking to you that way regardless. the fact that adults can quite often get away with behaving badly towards children because children don't usually have the ability to do what you did here doesn't mean that their behaviour is good, it just means they can get away with it. she behaved like an arse, and you spanked her.	nta lol about going to your room. for future reference, you can get your birth certificate at the city hall in the city you were born in. you didn't need to go to your mother's house.	absolutely nta. your mom’s friend was very inappropriate, and there was nothing wrong with your response to her. i don’t blame you for laughing, either.	nta. in fact, i think it would have been impossible for you to respond any better.	info: did you get your documents?	i think you handled it pretty well. sounds like you mum was misleading her friend - sounds like the friend had been told you were being mean not helping out with your little brothers, suspect she missed out the fact that you don't live there and barely know the boys because she denied you a relationship with them.	nta other snappy comebacks include, “i haven’t had a room in this house for seven years. bye.”	i loved how savage you were😂😂😂	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	null	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita? [/INST] nta. i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in. </s>
AITA For purposely stopping my classmate from winning an award and subsequently making her cry?	this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.	31,782	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avtmig/aita_for_purposely_stopping_my_classmate_from/	2019-02-28 17:22:22	nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this.	nta. she’s the ugly one here.	nta- what kind of fucked up mean girls scenario are you living in?	[removed]	nta - and here: >it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. that's the real mvp here. this person had the wherewithal and moral fiber to know that you had to be told the truth. however this person is connected to you beyond this situation, this person is the one shining moment in this dark clusterfuck of bullshit. keep kicking ass. &#x200b;	nta this was obviously a bitch move, but don't expect your peers to side with you. school will be over soon enough and you'll meet more pleasent people, i can promise you that. things will get better buddy. i'm honestly impressed by your attitude. you seem like a chill guy.	nta. at all. you didn't stop her from winning that award, she did that all by herself. she made her bed and now she gets to lie in it.	nta you are most definitely not the asshole and i am very sorry that you're dealing with this. it probably doesn't help a lot now, but as you get older, you will find that girls/women put a lot less stock into looks and a lot more emphasis on things like being kind, trustworthy, respectful, and funny. teenage girls are notoriously shallow. also, you will very likely love college if you decide to attend. it was so much better than high school for me.	nta: as a burn survivor (45% of my body) who is heavily scarred, i really am sorry that you had to go through this. i know how you feel, i hate going out into public and having people stare at me. let me just say this, we aren't ugly because of our scars. we are unique. why would you want to fit in anyways? our scars tell a story and we should be proud of them. you fucking own them and hold your head high ❤	nta - you literally did __absolutely nothing__ wrong. she used you to manipulate people's view of her and falsely win an award and earn credit. honestly, it feels like the bullshit popular girl you'd see exaggerated in a movie. she deserves what's happened (and more if you ask me). you are a strong, brave and inspiring person who is actually a decent human being and more people should be like you. you didn't seek to embarrass her or insult her or call her out publicly. you merely righted a wrong. i'm sure plenty of other people wouldn't have handled the situation as rationally as you did. i respect you for that. you are certainly not the asshole here. ps - the friend that sent you the screenshots sounds like a good person. high-five them for me!	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this issue is honestly making me frustrated. almost everyone is saying i am in the wrong, people are talking behind my back and i genuinely don't know if what i did was correct or not. i just feel so lost. please, please do help. i am 17, suffered a major accident while cycling when i was 13. i have 2 really deep,long facial scars. i have been bullied really bad because of it. i am tall, ugly and intimidating as per most girls. people make fun of other people by saying things like "why don't you just hook up with u/throwawayfor2k19." i am honestly used to it. those people didn't matter to me anyway. but there is this girl i had known since middle school. let's call her back i guess? sorry, i honestly don't know how this works. i had a really, really big crush on her till a few days ago. i thought she was geniunely sweet and amazing. my family is incredibly supportive so they urged me to ask her out. i can play a guitar so i made this whole song for her. i went to the neighbouring city to get her favorite chocolate and stuff like that. this was the first time i felt like really going and asking someone out in my life, and i felt that regardless of what i do, she shall see me for who i am and at least accept me as a friend. i was over the moon when she ended up accepting. we went to a fancy restaurant,had a fun time together and walked for 30 minutes. she was really sweet to me. the next week or so was honestly heaven. people started noticing me, even her friends seemed friendly with me, i honestly cried everyday because i felt so fortunate to get so much love. it all broke down when a friend of hers, who was on instagram and followed beck, sent screenshots to me. i honestly felt betrayed and disgusted. she had posts saying 'fulfilled his lifelong wish by being his valentine's", 'making his day by finally helping him interact with my friends','he is ugly but beautiful people accept ugly people' '#uglypeoplematter' etc. beck's friend then explained me that she apparently wanted a good social media image and had thus asked all her friends to be kind to me and tolerate me till the first week of march, and then distance themselves from me. she apparently wanted to win some stupid 'positive role model' award for her college application because she was lagging behind in community service.and thought playing with my feelings for a few days wouldn't hurt, and apparently since i was ugly she was the kind one to give me attention anyway. i was in tears and honestly felt disgusted. my blood was boiling. i researched about this award, found a facebook page about it online.i went to the authorities to confirm if her name was on the nominations list, and then had my friend's at work and family as alibi. she is apparently crying a lot because she received a message from the committee saying her nomination was withdrawn. i am now even more ostracised in school, but honestly i have no remorse whatsoever and feel far more satisfied. [/INST] nta this is so fucked up it’s beyond words. how did she even qualify for an award like that with this as her entry submission??? what she did to you was dehumanizing and so incredibly out of line. everyone’s on her side because you’re surrounded by assholes at school, but i promise you, you will move past this. </s>
AITA for telling my dad cheating is what got us here not my mom?	my parents divorced when i was 7 after my mom found out dad had been cheating on her for five years with someone she considered to be her friend. the reveal of the affair came during my birthday party, which we celebrated late because dad made up some story about an old friend dying and going to the funeral when he was actually with her for an ultrasound after learning she was pregnant. my mom never "got over" what they did to her. i think what made it worse is two people betrayed her instead of one, because if our friends are willing to hurt us like this then we're screwed. my dad married his affair partner. they have six children together now. my mom has stayed away from them as much as humanly possible. she told me a long time ago that she loved me, wanted me to be happy and loved and not to be distant from them for her, but that she would never be able to play happy families with my dad and his wife and their kids because some hurts are too deep and painful to move on from. when stay in place was ordered things between my mom and dad deteriorated after my dad asked if mom would take his other six kids into her home, so "the siblings could see each other" since both he and his wife were frontline workers and had planned to send them somewhere to limit their exposure. mom said hell no. she was pissed as hell at dad for asking while dad was pissed as hell that she didn't force me to go to his in-law's to spend time with my siblings while we weren't legally allowed to meet up with others. things are the same now. only my mom suffered less financially through the pandemic. after a while my dad and his wife left their jobs when it got too much and their financial stability took a huge hit. my dad can't afford to throw a graduation party for me, which is fine. but he and his family are not welcome to the one my mom is hosting. he was bitching about them missing out on celebrating with me because of my mom. i told him it was because of his affair and not my mom. that he was the one who betrayed her over and over again, disrespected her and then expected her to act like none of that happened so he could act like the good guy. he told me it had been a decade and my mom and i should be over it, and i should not have taken sides. i told him he should have kept the affair from me then instead of letting it come out for me to hear. aita? eta but another element of this story is that the affair first started after my mom almost died losing my sibling. the pregnancy went badly wrong and almost took her and did take her chance to have more children. all the while her husband and friend were getting together behind her back.	19,393	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxczxv/aita_for_telling_my_dad_cheating_is_what_got_us/	2022-05-25 08:45:58	nta. your dad has some bloody audacity. "oh i cheated on you with your friend now take in my 6 kids with her". why do you even still speak to this guy?	nta. i thought the first part was bad enough, but then got to the part where your dad wanted your mum to look after his six kids (one of which was conceived while he was still married to your mum!)…he’s incredibly insensitive and clearly doesn’t think he ever did anything wrong. good for you for sticking up for your mum and not taking your dad’s bullshit.	[removed]	nta!!!!! but holy shit, your dad is bad. messing up that bad and not even being able to take responsibility for his actions. kudos to your mom, for being so open, supportive and honest with you. congratulations for your graduation btw	nta. you're completely correct and this: >he told me it had been a decade and my mom and i should be over it ugh, who is your dad to tell someone else how long they can grieve for? he destroyed your mom's life. fuck him. he made his bed and now he can sleep in it. i really hate people who use the old "it was so long ago!" those are the absolute worst. no remorse. no apologies. they just expect you to get over the horrible thing they've done because "time heals all". good on you - congratulations on graduation - i hope you have a wonderful celebration!	"hey, can i send my six kids i have with the other woman over to you?" oh my god. what a tool. the affair is bad enough but thinking your mom would be happy to take responsibility for six more children, wow. your dad screwed up big time, and he refuses to acknowledge he hurt your mom immensely. he needed a wake up call, you just provided it. he doesn't get to ask you to not take sides (which... you aren't anyway...) when his side is the one 100% at fault. nta	when you see your mom next, could you give her a hug and tell her this internet stranger thinks she's a damn queen and the sh\*t she's put up with gives you both every right to drop your sperm donor. my old granddad used to say any clown can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad. your father isn't a real man. lots of love to you and your mom. neither of you are ta i wish your dad the day he deserves; crappy and hellish. he's definitely ta	nta your mom has always been up front and honest with you and allowed you to make your own decisions so bonus points for her. your dad dug his grave and now he has to lay in it.	nta. your dad’s requests to have your mom accommodate his children are wildly inappropriate.	nta why in the world would he and his wife think your mom would be ok with moving in their kids into your mom’s house? from what you described, your mom doesn’t have a relationship with your dad, her ex-friend/ap/new wife or their children. your dad wanted all these kids, now he has them and wants to ship them off? it doesn’t make any sense. your dad and his wife sound completely intolerable, selfish and devoid of any empathy. they. are. crazy. now, they’ve quite their jobs so they have no money, that’s on them. they’re idiots because they have six kids they need to provide for!! they can’t afford a grad party (not the end of the world) but feel entitled to be part of the party your mom is throwing for you? info: how did your dad and his wife does speak about and treat your mom before any of this? did they not talk about her at all, talk about her is a positive light, or degrade her? were they under the impression you all were just one big happy family and your mom was completely ok with what happened, held no negative feelings towards them and had completely moved on? i just don’t understand cheaters. they always feel entitled to having no consequences to their actions.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents divorced when i was 7 after my mom found out dad had been cheating on her for five years with someone she considered to be her friend. the reveal of the affair came during my birthday party, which we celebrated late because dad made up some story about an old friend dying and going to the funeral when he was actually with her for an ultrasound after learning she was pregnant. my mom never "got over" what they did to her. i think what made it worse is two people betrayed her instead of one, because if our friends are willing to hurt us like this then we're screwed. my dad married his affair partner. they have six children together now. my mom has stayed away from them as much as humanly possible. she told me a long time ago that she loved me, wanted me to be happy and loved and not to be distant from them for her, but that she would never be able to play happy families with my dad and his wife and their kids because some hurts are too deep and painful to move on from. when stay in place was ordered things between my mom and dad deteriorated after my dad asked if mom would take his other six kids into her home, so "the siblings could see each other" since both he and his wife were frontline workers and had planned to send them somewhere to limit their exposure. mom said hell no. she was pissed as hell at dad for asking while dad was pissed as hell that she didn't force me to go to his in-law's to spend time with my siblings while we weren't legally allowed to meet up with others. things are the same now. only my mom suffered less financially through the pandemic. after a while my dad and his wife left their jobs when it got too much and their financial stability took a huge hit. my dad can't afford to throw a graduation party for me, which is fine. but he and his family are not welcome to the one my mom is hosting. he was bitching about them missing out on celebrating with me because of my mom. i told him it was because of his affair and not my mom. that he was the one who betrayed her over and over again, disrespected her and then expected her to act like none of that happened so he could act like the good guy. he told me it had been a decade and my mom and i should be over it, and i should not have taken sides. i told him he should have kept the affair from me then instead of letting it come out for me to hear. aita? eta but another element of this story is that the affair first started after my mom almost died losing my sibling. the pregnancy went badly wrong and almost took her and did take her chance to have more children. all the while her husband and friend were getting together behind her back.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my parents divorced when i was 7 after my mom found out dad had been cheating on her for five years with someone she considered to be her friend. the reveal of the affair came during my birthday party, which we celebrated late because dad made up some story about an old friend dying and going to the funeral when he was actually with her for an ultrasound after learning she was pregnant. my mom never "got over" what they did to her. i think what made it worse is two people betrayed her instead of one, because if our friends are willing to hurt us like this then we're screwed. my dad married his affair partner. they have six children together now. my mom has stayed away from them as much as humanly possible. she told me a long time ago that she loved me, wanted me to be happy and loved and not to be distant from them for her, but that she would never be able to play happy families with my dad and his wife and their kids because some hurts are too deep and painful to move on from. when stay in place was ordered things between my mom and dad deteriorated after my dad asked if mom would take his other six kids into her home, so "the siblings could see each other" since both he and his wife were frontline workers and had planned to send them somewhere to limit their exposure. mom said hell no. she was pissed as hell at dad for asking while dad was pissed as hell that she didn't force me to go to his in-law's to spend time with my siblings while we weren't legally allowed to meet up with others. things are the same now. only my mom suffered less financially through the pandemic. after a while my dad and his wife left their jobs when it got too much and their financial stability took a huge hit. my dad can't afford to throw a graduation party for me, which is fine. but he and his family are not welcome to the one my mom is hosting. he was bitching about them missing out on celebrating with me because of my mom. i told him it was because of his affair and not my mom. that he was the one who betrayed her over and over again, disrespected her and then expected her to act like none of that happened so he could act like the good guy. he told me it had been a decade and my mom and i should be over it, and i should not have taken sides. i told him he should have kept the affair from me then instead of letting it come out for me to hear. aita? eta but another element of this story is that the affair first started after my mom almost died losing my sibling. the pregnancy went badly wrong and almost took her and did take her chance to have more children. all the while her husband and friend were getting together behind her back. [/INST] nta. your dad has some bloody audacity. "oh i cheated on you with your friend now take in my 6 kids with her". why do you even still speak to this guy? </s>
AITA for going to IKEA with my girlfriend and then refusing to pay half?	my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything. i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full. she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff. she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more. we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left. the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here??	12,449	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sa74eh/aita_for_going_to_ikea_with_my_girlfriend_and/	2022-01-22 17:14:43	yta. if you thought things were too expensive or too much, the time to say so was while shopping. she was asking your opinion and you agreed to the purchases. why on earth did you just assume she was paying for everything? and a good portion of what you object to is honestly ridiculous— god forbid she want art or rugs in your apartment, right?	>we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. if you thought that all of these things were unnecessary, why on earth did you not have a conversation about it while you were shopping and not at the cash register? did you really think that she was going to pay for all of it by herself???? this really makes yta.	yta. you moved in. she's making it a home for you both. if you disagreed with what she was getting you probably had hours to speak up (given the size of ikea). my husband & i go to ikea together. most purchases he asks where i'd this for & we discuss if it's really needed. you seem to have led her on by liking & agreeing to what she was picking. you're not a bachelor anymore. you need to communicate & work in a team.	of course yta. you have moved in and are creating a home together. you have to expect to share expenses regarding things like the home you share. the fact that you previously lived in a "bachelor style apartment" (code for a regular apartment just with no furniture) isn't an excuse. just because you were comfortable living in a box with just a bed in it doesn't mean that she should have to. there's nothing wrong with getting a few soft furnishings to make a home feel more comfortable. you should have spoken about what you planned to buy and how you would pay for everything before you went. and if you felt like she was getting carried away picking up too much stuff, that would have been the point to say she should probably reign it in because you were splitting the bill and it was getting too expensive. non-essentials could wait for another time, perhaps. not waiting until you got to the cashier to drop it on her that you have no intention of contributing anything at all. it seems to me like you just expect her to be responsible for furnishing the home that you also live in instead of understanding that it's also your apartment now too. not a hotel. she's right to be mad.	yta. mate, you had: a bed, a sofa, a tv. she wanted to make you _a home_. she clearly sees a future for you both even if she has to drag you there. please don't screw this up. she sounds really nice. communicate with her better.	e s h for poor communication, but yta for one simple reason: you were okay with the things your girlfriend wanted to buy -- all of them normal household items, many of them specifically for you -- when you thought she would be paying for them... but when she asks you to pony up, it's suddenly too much? you two really should have talked about this beforehand and come up with a budget and a shopping list, as well as a plan for who would pay for what. communication is key. maybe you can sit down with her after you have both calmed down and go through the purchases one by one. she can explain the rationale for each item and you can either agree and chip in, or pass. for those items you believe are truly unnecessary or frivolous, she can choose pick up the difference if they are important to her or return them. hopefully you can both chalk this up as a learning experience and do better next time.	yta. where did you think all of these completely necessary items were going to come from?	info — you… don’t think you need soap dispensers or bathroom rugs ? i don’t even understand. are you trolling ? those are so basic edit til that some people just put a towel down instead of using a rug. i legitimately have never met anyone who did that, so i learned a lot today. thanks reddit	info: where do you store your clothes without a dresser? where do you place your phone/alarm clock, lamp, and other bedside items without a bedside table? what do you stand on when you step out of the shower without a bath mat/rug? these are necessary items for grownups. crates and such are great for storage when you are in college, but it is time for adulting. you should have paid for all of the costs for the items you specifically needed, split shares needed items, and the each cover “wants” on their own. yta, and if i was your gf, that would be the end of this relationship. i would rather live with a roommate than a so who doesn’t cover their expenses.	info: were you planning to contribute anything to your shared living space besides a bed?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	INFO	INFO	INFO	0.055125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything. i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full. she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff. she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more. we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left. the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here??	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my girlfriend(23f) and i(24m) just moved in together yesterday. i moved into her apartment that she had shared with her roommate before i moved in. so the apartment was half furnished since her roommate took half of everything. i lived in an incredibly small bachelor style studio so the only things i really had was a queen bed, a couch (that she hated) and a tv. we agreed to keep my bed and bed frame since she had a full. she suggested we go to ikea to restock the house and she was super excited about it. when we got there she filled our entire cart with furniture, kitchen and bathroom stuff. she was asking my opinion on stuff and i was happy to give it but i saw the bill racking up pretty quickly. she ended up getting so much stuff that i saw as pointless. like bathroom rugs, a soap dispenser, a dresser even though she has one, she got a second matching beside table for my side of the bed, some art for the apartment and two giant rugs! one for the bedroom and one for the living room. and this is just some of the stuff i didn’t think we needed. there was plenty more. we ended up having two full carts of stuff and before we even went to checkout she said “everything else we can just get on amazon.” i was genuinely in shock she thought we needed even more then all of this crap. but we went to checkout and just like i thought the total was almost $1,400. she asked the cashier if we could split the bill half way on two cards and i was horrified. i told her no way was a i paying half for all of this. she looked surprised and we quickly began to argue. she told me this was for the both of us but i disagreed and said i didn’t need half of this stuff. after about 5 minutes of arguing and holding up the line she paid and we left. the entire hour ride home we argued and when we got home i was given the silent treatment after being called a cheap jerk. am i the asshole here?? [/INST] yta. if you thought things were too expensive or too much, the time to say so was while shopping. she was asking your opinion and you agreed to the purchases. why on earth did you just assume she was paying for everything? and a good portion of what you object to is honestly ridiculous— god forbid she want art or rugs in your apartment, right? </s>
AITA for causing my mother-in-law to take away some of my sister-in-law books?	we’re visiting my in-laws and my sister-in-law was telling me about all of the books she’s recently read and bought as we both like reading. i’ve read some of these books and i wasn’t sure if she should be reading them as she’s 16 and some of them are pretty explicit and don’t exactly have the healthiest romances. i told my husband about the books and he told his parents. my mother-in-law ended up asking me to point out which ones i knew were too mature for her and she confiscated them. my sister-in-law is mad at me as she isn’t going to get the books back as my mother-in-law is planning to donate them and she’s no longer allowed to buy whatever books she wants. aita?	12,178	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjwmr5/aita_for_causing_my_motherinlaw_to_take_away_some/	2022-12-12 11:42:09	yta, but in a rather sad way. you coud've used your fear of her developing an unhealthy image of romance as an opportunity to talk to her about that exact issue. &#x200b; if you wanted her to be safe you should've used your relationship with her in order to educate her on why these books might portray an unhealthy image and advise her to read with caution. you won't be able to control what she consumes ever, not with the internet and social media present, but you threw away the opportunity to be her guide. &#x200b; now you've taken away not only her books, but managed to teach her that she can't trust you instead.	oh lord. yta. she is 16 and reads. y'all should jump with joy for that fact alone. and let me reiterate, she is 16. she most likely has access to the internet, and excuse me for being blunt, if she wants to read (or write) smut fiction or watch porn, she most certainly has her ways to do exactly that. not to mention she already did read the books in question. while re-reading books is a thing, most people don't do it that often. you know, you could have talked with her about the stuff she read, and find out what she thinks about it at all. have a healthy discussion. might have turned out that she has very reasonable thoughts, you know? in school, she might be reading pride and prejudice - or to kill a mockingbird. speaking of not having the healthiest romances, amirite. and despite all of this, she still enjoys reading. let the kid read, and give the books back. or replace them. you need to apologize, wtf is wrong with y'all. i am disgusted and angry.	yta. overstep much? i was reading freaking v.c. andrews at 13 and i turned out ok......depending on who you ask.	yta. censorship’s a bitch and you now taught a 16 year old to never show her hobbies or interests to anyone for the rest of her life. unless she’s 10 trying to read mein kampf whatever a growing teen reads is fine. fiction doesnt equal reality. your daft if you believe that.	yta, she's 16, not 11	yta - welcome to never having a relationship with your sil ever again. and on top of that, you may have just caused a rift in your sil's relationship with her mother.	yta and you are also a snitch. if i were her, i wouldn't tell you anything else ever again.	yta as is your husband. she's 16 and doesn't need you policing her sarah j maas books. i suggest you give her an apology and a kindle.	yta - what you are describing there is censorship. your sil is an intelligent young woman capable of critical thought so should be able to read whatever she wants without you and her mother deciding what is and isnt appropriate. the fact that you were reading similar books at her age makes you not only an asshole but a hypocrite as well. youve also undoubtedly ruined your relationship with the sil. shes unlikely to trust you ever again.	yta. no one likes a snitch. my guess is you just caused a strain between you and your sister in law’s relationship	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we’re visiting my in-laws and my sister-in-law was telling me about all of the books she’s recently read and bought as we both like reading. i’ve read some of these books and i wasn’t sure if she should be reading them as she’s 16 and some of them are pretty explicit and don’t exactly have the healthiest romances. i told my husband about the books and he told his parents. my mother-in-law ended up asking me to point out which ones i knew were too mature for her and she confiscated them. my sister-in-law is mad at me as she isn’t going to get the books back as my mother-in-law is planning to donate them and she’s no longer allowed to buy whatever books she wants. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> we’re visiting my in-laws and my sister-in-law was telling me about all of the books she’s recently read and bought as we both like reading. i’ve read some of these books and i wasn’t sure if she should be reading them as she’s 16 and some of them are pretty explicit and don’t exactly have the healthiest romances. i told my husband about the books and he told his parents. my mother-in-law ended up asking me to point out which ones i knew were too mature for her and she confiscated them. my sister-in-law is mad at me as she isn’t going to get the books back as my mother-in-law is planning to donate them and she’s no longer allowed to buy whatever books she wants. aita? [/INST] yta, but in a rather sad way. you coud've used your fear of her developing an unhealthy image of romance as an opportunity to talk to her about that exact issue. &#x200b; if you wanted her to be safe you should've used your relationship with her in order to educate her on why these books might portray an unhealthy image and advise her to read with caution. you won't be able to control what she consumes ever, not with the internet and social media present, but you threw away the opportunity to be her guide. &#x200b; now you've taken away not only her books, but managed to teach her that she can't trust you instead. </s>
AITA for cutting off my family over my mom's will?	i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh?	24,909	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gersvf/aita_for_cutting_off_my_family_over_my_moms_will/	2020-05-06 20:25:26	nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place.	nta. nta nta nta to the hundredth power. your mom essentially disowned you. she deserves nothing from you at all. and your sister is very much in the wrong here too, like for allowing your mom to shower her with everything and to give you nothing, not to mention wooing your boyfriend from you and marrying him which is an incredibly shitty thing to do to you. i can't even believe these people are so clueless and so heartless. good for you for carving out your own life. you owe them absolutely nothing.	nta. if you don't feel the desire to have a relationship with these people, you should not have a relationship with these people. if you feel really generous, tell your sister: "i really don't want a relationship with you, but since you want "sisterly" support from me, here it is: if you have more than one child, love them equally and treat them both fairly. bye now." &#x200b;	your mom is definitely an asshole. joey is also an asshole. regarding your sister > she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. asshole. sounds like you had a good reason to cut them off. nta. doesn't seem like you're being too harsh. and if you change your mind, it's possible in the future to establish contact with your sister.	nta it sounds like your sister wanted something from you. maybe she wanted you to come back and work in the shop? maybe she wanted money? but her reaction definitely tells me that she wanted to get something from you.	i suspect she wants your kidney.	nta she was the golden child and when that wasn’t enough she stole your boyfriend. family doesn’t treat family like this. your new family is your family.	nta. in japanese, there’s a saying that goes; “siblings are just beginning of strangers”. and i know that not every sibling are like this, but i know a lot that are. especially after your mother died, it might sound harsh to others but i don’t see how you owe your sister anything. tbh if i were you i wouldn’t have even gone to their wedding haha. but i guess to go is just common courtesy. however this anger that’s built up over the years can’t just simply disappear. you do what makes you happy. your sister and mother obviously did what made them happy. you don’t owe them anything.	nta. you spent your life with your mother and sister putting themselves first. even in reaching out to you, your sister put herself and her happiness before yours. there was no olive branch offered, no remorse shown for her attitude or approach to your relationship in the past. it was just “how can you do this to me?”. she even made this about her. if your happy with your life now, what reason did she give you that you should threaten that happiness for her own? also, just wondering, you mention your mother’s will being what finally pushed you to cut them out of your life, but just that she had written it. are your parents still alive, and have they made any attempt to reach out to you?	info this story is missing a ton of detail on how exactly mom and sister deserved to be cut out of op's life forever. did sister cast a spell on childhood boyfriend and force him to marry her? mom just sort of decided to hate op willy nilly? where is dad? i have a problem with how op characterizes everything as well. owning the flower shop was her dream. sister received car of her dreams. op got a clunker. boyfriend was seduced. it feels so victimy. i mean the central problem i have is this: if things were so blatantly bad and so rigged against her from the word go, then why on earth would she need to come to this forum and ask if she's an asshole, because if we take op at face value, it's stupidly obvious that she's not?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me. growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. i was always in second place compared to her. for example, when we turned sixteen, i was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. when my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red volkswagon of her dreams. mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc. things got really bad about a decade ago. when we were in high school, i feel in love with this guy, joey, and started dating him for a while. only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. yes, my sister seduced him. this really broke me because he was my first love. well, my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. and that is when things went from bad to worse. our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister. for background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor. while i didn't get along with my mom or sister, i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. i dreamed of owning that shop one day. but instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. while i could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says. there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. in her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way. she needed the business and house to raise her family. meanwhile, i was single and had nothing. so, i cut them off. if my mother didn't see me as a family member, then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore. it was clear who she favored more. so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own. less than a year later, i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since. now, to the present. after not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. she wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had. i told her no, that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her. but as far as i am concerned, she is not my family. she hasn't been family in a decade. my partner and our baby is family. i have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states. i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me. i don't want them to meet my daughter. if i let them back into my life, i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself. aita and being too harsh? [/INST] nta, not from my point of view. you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them. no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you’re in a good place. </s>
AITA for telling my husband his friend is no longer welcome at our house?	so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.” anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”. alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his. apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was to my husband and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us. the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.” so aita?	26,170	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bh8kmq/aita_for_telling_my_husband_his_friend_is_no/	2019-04-25 13:22:39	nta. fucking alex man. i hate that dude. he’s not welcome in my house either. always trying to play “wonder wall” on his stupid guitar. and fucking it up, too, even though it’s super easy.	nta. i can’t decide if alex or your husband is acting like the bigger asshole. obviously alex is a boorish, annoying guy, but your husband continuing to invite him over, watching him treat you disrespectfully and saying nothing? yikes.	nta why can't your husband go to alex's place? does he live in a van down by the river?	nta & your husband is kind of shitty for putting up with him, especially the insults toward you.	nta. why is your husband friends with this asshole?	nta - it's your house. you get to set the rules. if alex can't follow the rules, you have no obligation to let him be there.	nta. everyone knows an alex, and none of us really want him in our house.	nta and your husband is a coward. if i were you, i would not go back on banning alex the asshole from your home.	nta i hate alex. i think we all know an alex. he plays crap guitar music (off key with several re trys), stays way too long, eat all the snacks, and shit talks you to your friends/bf in your own home.	nta but you know that. you framed the entire situation around how horribly he was acting and threw in that e has far right views. you were never going to get any other response. hate the “i want validation” posts.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.” anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”. alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his. apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was to my husband and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us. the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.” so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so, my husband has this friend, i’ll call him alex. alex is one of those people that would bring a guitar to a house party and strum it nonstop. alex is also one of those people who insists on stopping games in the middle to start political debates, knowing that the rest of us don’t share his far right views. the rest of our friend group has also mentioned this, and for a while he wasn’t invited to game nights anymore. if you tell him alex, i want to play the game and not talk about this stuff, he’ll just start talking louder and trying to goad you by saying “you just can’t defend your side so you’re too afraid to talk about it.” anyway, one day, my husband had alex and another friend over, joe. they were working on a project out in the garage together. i was initially annoyed because he brought his puppy which was dumped on me to take care of. i have a huge dog that isn’t fond of new dogs in the house, but it was around 40°f outside so she couldn’t go out there with them. luckily i had my best friend over to help, but still. so while we were trying to appease my big dog and get this puppy to go to sleep, they start playing music put in the garage. nbd. when the pup finally goes to sleep, alex came inside to get something. i told him “your dog is asleep. don’t wake her, it’s finally peaceful in here.” and what does he do? comes over to pet her and mess with her. so i told him to take the puppy back to his truck and turn the heat on because i wasn’t going to spend my night keeping the peace when i wanted to spend it with my friend who doesn’t live anywhere near me. anyway, the music outside kept getting louder and louder, until i couldn’t hear the tv inside my living room, sitting less than ten feet away. i walked outside to the garage, and turn their speaker down a bit and said “it’s so loud that we can’t hear the tv”. alex responded with “well turn up your tv then.” i had a moment where i was too shocked to speak. so i unplugged the speaker and took it inside with me, telling him that it’s my house, not his. apparently after i left, he started talking about how annoying i was to my husband and that he thought i acted bitchy. my husband told me all of this later that night in bed and i asked what he said to alex. “nothing, really” i got angry with my husband, and told him that he should’ve stood up for me. we had a long talk where my husband apologized for staying quiet and worked that out between the two of us. the next day, i told my husband that alex was no longer welcome in our home. my husband said he thought that was taking it too far, so i compromised with “alex is only welcome in our home after you tell him that the way he acted was absolutely out of line, and you make it clear to him that at our house, talks about religion and politics after alcohol comes out are off limits.” so aita? [/INST] nta. fucking alex man. i hate that dude. he’s not welcome in my house either. always trying to play “wonder wall” on his stupid guitar. and fucking it up, too, even though it’s super easy. </s>
AITA for refusing to pay for fix the babysitter's laptop?	i (single mom of 2) hired a babysitter after i started working a new job (used to do wfh for 2 years). my kids are 8 & 6. the babysitter is 17. she brings her laptop with her to study which is perfectly ok with me as long as she keeps an eye on the kids. yesterday, i came home and the babysitter showed me her laptop that got broken by my youngest. i was shocked i asked how this happened, and she said that she left the laptop in the livingroom and went to make the kids lunch but my youngest grabbed it and ran with it til he dropped it and broke the screen. i said that was horrible and apologized to her but stated it was her fault for leaving the laptop within reach of children. she said she thought my kids were old enough to know not to touch others stuff. i explained how they might have thought it belonged to us since it was in our house. she asked if i could pay for it to get fixed but i refused and insisted it was her problem not mine. she ranted about having exams soon and not having enough money to get it fixed. we argued and i had to tell her to go home after she presisted. later on, i got a call from her dad basically blaming the whol thing on me, and demanding i pay to get the laptop fixed but i still refused. now she's refusing to come again unless i pay her for the laptop repair even though i paid her in advance to watch the kids.	13,970	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1dxg5/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_fix_the_babysitters/	2022-10-11 16:47:34	yta. a 6 and 8 year old are absolutely old enough to know not to touch/run around with other people's electronics. signed, mother of a 6-year-old.	yta. you pay for what your kids destroy. that’s part of being a parent. end of story.	at what age do you think kids should learn not to touch things that don't belong to them? it's super concerning to me that you think, as a parent of two children, that this shouldn't have been taught to your kids years ago. like hello? yta	yta. your kid broke it, and not accidentally either. they're also 6 and 8, not 2 and 4. they knew it was an electronic device, and unless you literally have the exact same computer, they knew it was hers.	i hope your babysitter takes you to small claims court. yta.	yta - and as others have noted, your children are old enough to know better. i'm amazed at your gall in insisting the sitter come back and babysit for you when you refuse to take responsibility and pay to get the laptop fixed.	yta your kid broke her laptop. pay up.	yta. your kid broke it. doesn’t matter if they thought it was theirs (and come on, they’re old enough to know that it wasn’t, they’re able to recognize by 6-8 what is and isn’t a regular fixture in their home), they still broke it. ultimately you’re responsible for their actions as their parent. if they break something it’s your responsibility to get it fixed or replaced. it’s just part of having kids.	yta! welcome to being a parent. they break it, you pay for it. get used to it for another 10 to 12 years.	yta. when your kids break something, it's your responsibility as a parent to fix or replace it. >. i explained how they might have thought it belonged to us since it was in our house you're just making excuses here. a 6 year old is old enough to know we don't touch things that aren't ours, and since babysitter has bringing this laptop back and forth, the "he thought it was ours" doesn't really hold much water. he knew that wasn't a family laptop and you are trying to skate responsibility. >now she's refusing to come again unless i pay her for the laptop repair even though i paid her in advance to watch the kids. i wouldn't come back either, and i would consider the paid advance as going towards the laptop repair. do you really think she would want to come back after you tell her that the kids destroying her property is her problem?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (single mom of 2) hired a babysitter after i started working a new job (used to do wfh for 2 years). my kids are 8 & 6. the babysitter is 17. she brings her laptop with her to study which is perfectly ok with me as long as she keeps an eye on the kids. yesterday, i came home and the babysitter showed me her laptop that got broken by my youngest. i was shocked i asked how this happened, and she said that she left the laptop in the livingroom and went to make the kids lunch but my youngest grabbed it and ran with it til he dropped it and broke the screen. i said that was horrible and apologized to her but stated it was her fault for leaving the laptop within reach of children. she said she thought my kids were old enough to know not to touch others stuff. i explained how they might have thought it belonged to us since it was in our house. she asked if i could pay for it to get fixed but i refused and insisted it was her problem not mine. she ranted about having exams soon and not having enough money to get it fixed. we argued and i had to tell her to go home after she presisted. later on, i got a call from her dad basically blaming the whol thing on me, and demanding i pay to get the laptop fixed but i still refused. now she's refusing to come again unless i pay her for the laptop repair even though i paid her in advance to watch the kids.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (single mom of 2) hired a babysitter after i started working a new job (used to do wfh for 2 years). my kids are 8 & 6. the babysitter is 17. she brings her laptop with her to study which is perfectly ok with me as long as she keeps an eye on the kids. yesterday, i came home and the babysitter showed me her laptop that got broken by my youngest. i was shocked i asked how this happened, and she said that she left the laptop in the livingroom and went to make the kids lunch but my youngest grabbed it and ran with it til he dropped it and broke the screen. i said that was horrible and apologized to her but stated it was her fault for leaving the laptop within reach of children. she said she thought my kids were old enough to know not to touch others stuff. i explained how they might have thought it belonged to us since it was in our house. she asked if i could pay for it to get fixed but i refused and insisted it was her problem not mine. she ranted about having exams soon and not having enough money to get it fixed. we argued and i had to tell her to go home after she presisted. later on, i got a call from her dad basically blaming the whol thing on me, and demanding i pay to get the laptop fixed but i still refused. now she's refusing to come again unless i pay her for the laptop repair even though i paid her in advance to watch the kids. [/INST] yta. a 6 and 8 year old are absolutely old enough to know not to touch/run around with other people's electronics. signed, mother of a 6-year-old. </s>
AITA for not having my stepdaughter in the family photo?	i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage. it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away! here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they will make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends. but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment. the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too. i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit?	10,008	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pbg8hx/aita_for_not_having_my_stepdaughter_in_the_family/	2021-08-25 17:40:30	yta. stop protecting the racists. if they're racist then cut them out. by not having her in the photo, you're telling your stepdaughter that racism is acceptable. shame on you.	yta. you weren't protecting her, you were protecting you, as well as allowing your parents disgusting attitudes to rule a situation that had basically nothing to do with them. apologise to that poor girl immediately and check your own attitude, think you might find something to examine there.	yta. if you make accommodations to satisfy your racist parents, what does that make you?	yta. you prioritized your racist parents over the stepchild you claim to love as if she were your own. your actions surely have not only made her feel disregarded, but she might actually think you are also racist ain’t with your parents for taking their side in this situation	yta. you’re actually one of the worst kinds of racist because you’re acting out of racism but trying to dress it up as love and care, which is bs.	[deleted]	yta: why did you marry your husband if you weren’t capable of accepting his child for being black?	yta. stop catering to racists and embrace your family.	yta, of course. i mean, did you even really have to ask? you just told your step-daughter that you don't consider her to be a full member of your family. you also let her and your husband know that you will prioritise racists over her and won't go to bat for her when she needs you to.	yta. you can't claim to love enephrine like your bio children if you're purposefully excluding her because you're afraid of your family's reaction.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage. it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away! here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they will make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends. but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment. the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too. i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage. it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away! here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they will make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends. but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment. the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too. i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit? [/INST] yta. stop protecting the racists. if they're racist then cut them out. by not having her in the photo, you're telling your stepdaughter that racism is acceptable. shame on you. </s>
AITA for telling my husband he can go on a trip with his sister on his own, if he wants to cancel our trip to join theirs?	ta, keeping it short me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal. we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time". i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead. he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita?	9,185	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybg4sc/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_can_go_on_a_trip/	2022-10-23 12:12:38	yta. his niece is terminally ill, which - unless i’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon. you have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. you have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for. so then your sil tells your husband that they want to give anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights. and your response, instead of being supportive, is “go on you own”? wtf is wrong with you. get your head out of your backside. his family member is dying. if you do decide to go to france, stay there.	yta options for hustand doing this trip in the future with niece = 0 options for you taking a trip to france with husband in future = countless disturbing that you need to ask this frankly.	"he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here." you're the one sulking, being mad and unreasonable. his niece is dying, and you haven't even booked anything yet, i.e. no loss of money. have the kindness to fulfill their wishes. yta	yta. his neice won't be there another time, france will. you say you "understand" him, you very clearly just don't care. you only want your fun and vacation and don't give a damn that this girl is dying. shame on you. you should be supporting your husband and going with him. this is a hard time for him and you're acting spoiled and stomping your feet just because you want your way. i would divorce you. have a heart.	wow.. france isn‘t dying. but his niece is. of course he wants to spend this difficult time with his family and maybe create a few last beautiful memories with them. it‘s of course up to you if you want to be part of his family or not. it‘s a little odd to me if you‘re ignorant to his feelings and his side of the family though. he may need your support to go through this. you know.. as a spouse „through good times and bad times…“ but if france is more important to you. sure. go and travel and leave your husband alone creating his last memories with his niece and grieving about the imminent loss. yta.	you're the massive asshole. i live in france, please don't come.	this is what you sound like to the rest of us: "so what if your niece is dying? why do you even care? it's not like she'll be able to remember this in a few years when she's dead anyways. i will remeber seeing the eiffel tower a lot longer than your niece will be able to remember seeing the northern lights, and i think that's way more important." yta.	yta your spouse's niece is dying. unless you are also dying and unable to visit france any other time in the future, then let the man spend some of the little time she has left doing something she wants to do before she dies. but if you're too much of a narcissist to let this girl's trip be about her, then i hope your spouse gets to see france with someone who actually loves him. last i heard, you'd need a heart to do that.	yta. way to show who you are. we believe you too.	yta. his niece is dying and he wants to be part of her last vacation. do you think if he went to france instead he would be any fun? he would spend the whole time thinking of his niece. he would wish he was with her instead. you literally can go to france anytime. this sounds like this is the last trip for his niece.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ta, keeping it short me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal. we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time". i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead. he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ta, keeping it short me (f29) and my husband rick (m35) have been married for a year. rick's niece anna (f23) is terminal. we've been planning to go to france early next year, and we've already decided on flights, hotel, etc. nothing has been booked yet thought, because of what rick wants, and this is causing issues between us. my sil (anna's mom) and her family are going to fairbanks around that time because anna wants to try and see the northern lights. sil asked if we want to join them, and in rick's words we can go to france "another time". i said no. i understand him, but we've pretty much planned out our france trip. rick is insisting that he "needs" to go. i got a little upset and replied he can if he wants, but i won't be joining him and i'll go to france with my family instead. he's been sulking and mad at me. i think he's the one being unreasonable here. aita? [/INST] yta. his niece is terminally ill, which - unless i’m mistaken - means she is going to die pretty soon. you have not booked your holiday, as you’ve said. you have chosen what you want but nothing is paid for. so then your sil tells your husband that they want to give anna a make a wish style situation by giving her the chance to see the northern lights. and your response, instead of being supportive, is “go on you own”? wtf is wrong with you. get your head out of your backside. his family member is dying. if you do decide to go to france, stay there. </s>
AITA for telling my sister to get over the fact that I wore a bikini around her BF?	i love to swim and since we have a swimming pool in our back yard i am practically swimming daily. i don't think i own a 1 piece swim suit so i am always wearing a 2 piece swim suit. my sister's bf lives like 5 minutes away from our place and he spends a lot of time here. the living room has a sliding glass door to the back yard and the window to my sister's room is looking outside the backyard. i was taking a nap in the grass after i was done swimming and listening to music. i didn't even know my sister had her bf over cause i was in the back yard for basically the whole afternoon (12-4). my sister woke me up and called me an ah, for wearing something so "skimpy" around her bf. i asked her what she meant and i guess her bf kept looking out the window while i was napping/swimming (i know weird). i told her that if he was looking at me that is his problem and that i wasn't trying to cause anything. she was pissed at me, like i haven't seen her this mad at me since we were kids and had to share a room. she full on told me "not to dress like a whore when her bf is over". i told her to get the fuck over herself and if she has a problem with her bf looking at me then she should talk with him not me. i then went to my room and we didn't speak for the rest of the day till dinner. aita?	21,992	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gq6mop/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_get_over_the_fact/	2020-05-25 07:32:11	nta, she should really talk to her bf about it, not you. she's angry at her boyfriend but she doesn't want to fight with him so she's trying to solve the problem on your side, instead of talking to her boyfriend about staring at you. or she's insecure and her boyfriend wasn't actually staring at you.	omg nta. first of all, it's your body and your house, you can dress however the fuck you want, and if she has a problem with her boyfriend staring she should talk to him, not you. also, it's not like you wear bikinis just because, you're just wearing a swim suit because you want to swim	nta - it's a bikini and you were swimming. it's not like you were parading around in your underwear. you're right this is something she needs to talk about with him not blame you for.	absolutely nta. 2 piece swimsuits have been socially acceptable for how long now? and you’re in the privacy of your own home. she shouldn’t be policing how you dress and instead chew out her boyfriend for objectifying you. if she’s really that upset over it, then she should hang out with him at his place since it’s so close by.	nta, is she gonna get mad at every girl her boyfriend looks at? you can wear what you want, you had no intent to show off to her boyfriend (you didn't even know he was there) and you responded appropriately to her comments. it seems like she has an issue confronting him and chose to take it out on you as she knows that she can argue with you.	this is why you need to include ages of those involved in your post.	nta - she needs to tell her bf to keep his wandering eye to himself. it’s literally just a bathing suit.	nta and your sister should get some help with her anxiety issue or consider moving to afghanistan or saudi arabia if she's adamant that her bf should not be exposed to such disturbing sights...	nta- literally everyone but you is the ah. sister's bf for being a total creep, and sister for misplacing her anger which should be fully launched at her worthless boyfriend. in time, i truly hope that sister will realize this. have your parents deal with her. maybe have her best friend join in. my conclusion is assuming sister's bf was staring at you, which i think is probably the case. if your sister was disturbed enough to get mad at you while her bf was acting normal, you would have known about her issues before.	nta, wtf, your sister sounds insecure	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i love to swim and since we have a swimming pool in our back yard i am practically swimming daily. i don't think i own a 1 piece swim suit so i am always wearing a 2 piece swim suit. my sister's bf lives like 5 minutes away from our place and he spends a lot of time here. the living room has a sliding glass door to the back yard and the window to my sister's room is looking outside the backyard. i was taking a nap in the grass after i was done swimming and listening to music. i didn't even know my sister had her bf over cause i was in the back yard for basically the whole afternoon (12-4). my sister woke me up and called me an ah, for wearing something so "skimpy" around her bf. i asked her what she meant and i guess her bf kept looking out the window while i was napping/swimming (i know weird). i told her that if he was looking at me that is his problem and that i wasn't trying to cause anything. she was pissed at me, like i haven't seen her this mad at me since we were kids and had to share a room. she full on told me "not to dress like a whore when her bf is over". i told her to get the fuck over herself and if she has a problem with her bf looking at me then she should talk with him not me. i then went to my room and we didn't speak for the rest of the day till dinner. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i love to swim and since we have a swimming pool in our back yard i am practically swimming daily. i don't think i own a 1 piece swim suit so i am always wearing a 2 piece swim suit. my sister's bf lives like 5 minutes away from our place and he spends a lot of time here. the living room has a sliding glass door to the back yard and the window to my sister's room is looking outside the backyard. i was taking a nap in the grass after i was done swimming and listening to music. i didn't even know my sister had her bf over cause i was in the back yard for basically the whole afternoon (12-4). my sister woke me up and called me an ah, for wearing something so "skimpy" around her bf. i asked her what she meant and i guess her bf kept looking out the window while i was napping/swimming (i know weird). i told her that if he was looking at me that is his problem and that i wasn't trying to cause anything. she was pissed at me, like i haven't seen her this mad at me since we were kids and had to share a room. she full on told me "not to dress like a whore when her bf is over". i told her to get the fuck over herself and if she has a problem with her bf looking at me then she should talk with him not me. i then went to my room and we didn't speak for the rest of the day till dinner. aita? [/INST] nta, she should really talk to her bf about it, not you. she's angry at her boyfriend but she doesn't want to fight with him so she's trying to solve the problem on your side, instead of talking to her boyfriend about staring at you. or she's insecure and her boyfriend wasn't actually staring at you. </s>
AITA my classmate "saved goldfish" by releasing them into the ocean, I called her a dumbass	my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free. i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her. they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended.	34,031	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1xvoi/aita_my_classmate_saved_goldfish_by_releasing/	2021-06-17 13:57:48	nta! you’re 100% right on both counts! that would’ve been a pretty awful death for the gold fish and yeah releasing captive bred animals into the wild usually either results in that animal dying or local flora and fauna suddenly having to compete with an invasive species. she meant well but that stark reality check on your part was definitely warranted	nta, but a different approach might be more effective. ask questions. “did you know that goldfish are freshwater fish?” “do you understand what happens to freshwater fish when they are released into saltwater?” lead her to her own dumbassery…	esh - to quote the dude “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” your classmate is a well-meaning idiot. you seem more interested in being superior than in getting her to stop causing damage.	esh. >i stand by what i said you need to learn how to say important things calmly and without insults. people are more likely to listen to you, and less likely to accuse you of being a bully.	esh. this is... oh my god. okay, yeah, your classmate sucks here for not realizing that her actions are less than intelligent and should inform herself about an animals needs before doing something like this. however, insulting someone over this out of nowhere isn't good behaviour on your side either. noone is going to listen to your reasons if you insult them. &#x200b;	tempted to go e-s-h, but i'm voting yta. also, you missed a huge opportunity here dude. obviously you're right, but it isn't ok to just go up to someone and call them a dumbass. praise in public, criticize in private. then, if the societally-harmful behavior doesn't stop, publicly shaming becomes an option. you jumped straight into public shaming before giving her a chance to correct her seemingly well-intentioned mistake. also, get real: it's not like you've never done anything stupid before. how would you like it if someone started publicly calling you a dumbass in person, when they could have just taken you aside privately? as for the missed opportunity: why the fuck didn't you just dm her or talk to her privately in a kind and respectful way? you would have gained huge cool points with this person had you done that. think about it from her point of view. she posts something publicly hoping to get likes and attention from it. you tell her why it's a problem. she realizes that she's done something incredibly stupid in a very public forum, and now there's a risk that everyone figures out how dumb she's been. but because you came along, she can take down the video or apologize before word gets out, and the potential for public humiliation disappears. she probably would have been incredibly grateful to you. don't get pissed off next time- think about what you can do to be useful. also, for the record, i too am an aquarium person and would have been very upset had i seen this.	esh. never lead with the insult, no matter how justifiable it is. explaining facts without launching with the dumbass part might have actually given her pause to consider her actions in the future. instead you insulted her which threw up a wall and no matter how accurate your statement on her actions, no facts will get through. she sucks for all the obvious reasons. and the school, too, sucks if they're going to suspend you for not apologizing while also not actually educating their students well enough to understand this sort of "activism" does more harm than good.	esh. factually, you are 100% correct and your classmates did nothing to help those animals. on the other hand, the way you told them that pretty much guaranteed that they wouldn’t listen to what you said or have any chance of being convinced. your heart may be in the right place, but your mouth is so very much in the wrong place.	yta. in the words of lebowski, "you're not wrong, walter. you're just an asshole." being factually correct (which you were) doesn't mean you behaved correctly (you didn't). you inserted yourself into a conversation that didn't involve you for the express purpose of belittling and degrading someone else. you can gently correct someone's incorrect understanding without hurling invective at them and going out of your way to make them feel small.	esh, you are correct but you handled it poorly.	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	YTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	ESH	0.332334	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free. i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her. they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my classmate recently made a tiktok and she showed a group of people at lunch time it. they were next to our table so i overheard the girl say "hey look at my tiktok i made come check it out" and in it she explains how she "rescued" goldfish from the pet store and released them into the ocean so they can live free. i was horrified upon hearing this, i love fish and have several aquariums so i'm fairly knowledgeable on them. i walk over and i ask her to show me the video and i face palmed, she asked me why and i said "you realize you're actually a dumbass right, this is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen" her friend says "well that's just rude, why would you say that, because she cares?" to which i had to explain that goldfish are freshwater fish, they can't survive the ocean because its saltwater so all of those goldfish were dead in minutes. they basically choked to death as salt filled up their gills. lastly, you never release animals into the wild. there are goldfish that are destroying our rivers and lakes because of dumbasses like her. they say that i'm a bully and walk away. i later get called into the principal's office who told me i was expected to apologize, and i said no, i stand by what i said. fuck ignorant people who destroy the environment. my parents were called over and i got sent home and my parents are pissed i refused to apologize. i might get suspended. [/INST] nta! you’re 100% right on both counts! that would’ve been a pretty awful death for the gold fish and yeah releasing captive bred animals into the wild usually either results in that animal dying or local flora and fauna suddenly having to compete with an invasive species. she meant well but that stark reality check on your part was definitely warranted </s>
AITA for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering	today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\ vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \*	27,053	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ejkij2/aita_for_being_peeved_about_surprise_tooth/	2020-01-03 19:41:05	nta- every vet and kennel i’ve ever used calls me during a visit for permission to do xy or z. you aren’t wrong. this isn’t 1985, where no one has cell phones.	while it is pretty normal to extract deciduous (baby) teeth at time of spay/neuter, it should be on the consent form you signed or called in if there will be additional charges. no clinic i’ve ever worked at charged for this though. it was just like doing a nail trim during surgery—complimentary service. you should talk to the practice manager. when i managed a hospital, these sorts of things happened from time to time due to new employees and it was an opportunity to counsel. nta at all. but i promise, they weren’t doing unnecessary procedures either.	yta but just barely. you really shouldn’t have had this conversation with the vt. it wasn’t their call. you should’ve asked to speak with the vet and had the conversation with him/her. you put someone in a really uncomfortable position trying to defend something that they had no control over. kinda like bitching at your waiter because your food is undercooked. i agree this shouldn’t have been done without your consent, but also having experience as a surgery tech, sometimes they don’t notice this until it’s almost too late, and the anesthetic may have been close to wearing off so they were trying to save you a bunch of money by not having to reanethetize the animal. who knows what the reason was for them to make that decision on their own, and honestly it takes 3 minutes tops so that 20 bucks isn’t going to hurt them not having it, but that is why you should’ve been speaking to the vet.	whew! this makes my blood boil. #nta if a veterinarian removed my dogs teeth without asking me i would never use them again and i would report them to a licensing board. especially if they acted like i was freaking out about nothing. info: did you speak to the doctor directly? how did they know their adult teeth were coming in? did they x-ray them? what if they had accidentally pulled the adult canines? i’ve had lots of dogs and the vet has never removed their teeth. my dogs have had cleanings and one even had a filling of sorts. that’s buuuullllllssshhhiiiitttt. talk to the vet, the owner and their greasy granny and make damn sure they never do it again. fuck.	[deleted]	[deleted]	esh i honestly think you made a big deal about nothing. what was your ideal outcome here? since they (initially) fucked up by not getting consent, did you really want them to hold off on the tooth extraction so you would be pointlessly out another 250 bucks? really? you have this weird fixation on them trying to "pull one over" on when in reality they simply made an honest mistake by failing to get prior consent. "suckered into a forced up-sell situation. " seriously how do you come to that conclusion? if they really wanted to bleed you dry they would not have extracted the teeth and then proceeded to bullshit you with "there were complications with his teeth, you gotta come back again btw its 250 dollars xtra".	nta. this procedure should have been discussed with you prior to being done. period. you have the right to approve all procedures done to your fur baby.	nta i’m a vet. look- the thing that they did- it was absolutely appropriate medicine, likely necessary and often done at the time of spay/neuter. however communication is key here and they fell down on the job on that. you aren’t wrong to be miffed. they should have called or pre-cleared it. however, for perspective- if you would have approved it if they called- i might cut them some slack. absolutely express that wasn’t cool- and they should apologize for the communication break down. but if you can, please be kind. we have a difficult job, and people yell at us all day long for things that are very much not our fault (animals being sicker than people thought, medicine costing money, etc).	[deleted]	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	null	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	0.200446	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\ vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \*	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> today i dropped my dog off to get neutered. he's a six-month goldendoodle. this was part of a "puppy package" of care, which covered all necessary shots and wellness checks, and culminates with neutering and microchipping. i came back a few hours later to pick him up. while receiving the aftercare instructions, i was informed that they pulled a few of my dog's teeth by the vet tech (vt). our conversation went something like this: vt: the only thing not covered by the puppy package is $20 for the two teeth we removed while he was under anesthesia, so if we can settle this up... me: excuse me, you removed teeth? he was here for neutering. vt: his two canines were starting to come in but the baby teeth were not loose so we removed them. it's very standard and what the vet regularly recommends. me: well, you did more than recommend it - you went ahead and did it. \silence\ vt: i'll be right back. ...now it's important to note that i don't care about the $20 charge. had i been contacted and told that they recommended this, i would have of course went with the vet's recommendation! but come on, at least act like i'm involved in the process rather than making me feel like i'm being suckered into a forced up-sell situation. a few minutes later, she came back... vt: i spoke with the doctor and we are going to discount the $20 since we did not consult you first. me: it's not about the $20. i'm more concerned about the fact that i came here for one procedure, and without any conversation or discussion, you expanded the scope of the visit to include tooth extraction. vt: it was necessary. if we were to have done it at a separate visit, it would have been $250. me: i'm not concerned about the money if it's necessary. i'm concerned about not knowing about it or approving it beforehand. vt: it's a very routine procedure. we regularly extract teeth while puppies are already under anesthesia. me: if it's so routine and done so regularly, why was it not discussed at one of the many prior visits or even this morning? vt: you know if we didn't extract the teeth, it could have lead to issues with alignment, bacteria, and other complications. me: i'm not debating whether the extraction was necessary. i'm upset that i was not consulted first. vt: i'll be right back. ...this time she brought my puppy back with her. i thanked her and left. to be clear, i was not trying to be rude, difficult, or cheap in any way. but i got into the car with my poor sedated pup feeling like i was being rude, difficult, and cheap. i spoke with a few coworkers after i got back to my office, but i could use some other opinions as well. so, aita for being peeved about surprise tooth extractions during neutering? &#x200b; \* [/INST] nta- every vet and kennel i’ve ever used calls me during a visit for permission to do xy or z. you aren’t wrong. this isn’t 1985, where no one has cell phones. </s>
AITA For being angry at my sister for not attending our fathers funeral because of his criminal history.	my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications. my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time. however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society. my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it. i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live. i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita.	12,616	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ag84ed/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_sister_for_not/	2019-01-15 12:44:39	yta. she is not obligated to forgive him. you may believe he has paid his dues to society, but that's only an opinion on the matter.	> i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic the guy murdered someone, it's not like he accidentally smashed her favourite vase or something. what he paid for in the past has nothing to do with anything. you may believe he paid his due to society, but clearly this is not a generally accepted belief. yta without a doubt here.	yta. you weren't there for every moment they spent together or were privvy to the wedding discussion. he might have used the money to absolve guilt of his past or a million different reasons. you've no right to expect people to feel the same as you do. she is entitled to feel exactly how she wants to not go to a funeral of someone she clearly despises.	yta. finding out your parent is a monster isn’t an easy thing. paying for her wedding has zero to do with anything except it may make her feel worse because of the source of his income. you and your mother need to leave it be. you guys may have come to terms with it but she clearly hasn’t and probably never will.	yta. my condolences to you and your family, but she doesn't have to forgive anyone she doesn't want to forgive. plus yta for not realizing she is grieving. even though she didn't have the best relationship with him, she still probably has some feelings to sort through with his passing. maybe some regret, some shame, some sadness, some anger. she's processing this in the way she knows how to, and that includes not going to the funeral. it doesn't make her an asshole. if you keep pushing you will be a bigger asshole and risk losing your sister. tread lightly and tell her you respect her choice.	yta >he has now paid his due to society did the victim’s family tell you that?	yta - she doesn't have to attend anybody's funeral	yta, but it's complicated. > she is being childish and overdramatic your father literally murdered people, but the "dramatic" one is your sister? here's the thing: victims of crime get compensated from the legal system, but that doesn't mean they need to attend the funeral of the company owner whose negligence killed their family member, right? they get money because that's the most we can do as a society, but that doesn't absolve anyone of guilt, nor does it make anything better. so, the fact that your father paid for familial obligations doesn't absolve him from his heinous crimes; your sister taking his money for her wedding is probably her thinking that's the least he could do, considering what he did to your family. (and it is.) your entire family was victimized by your father, even though to a lesser degree than his victims. nonetheless, you are all victims of his actions, which you will all continue to live with; directing your anger at your sister instead of your father for destroying your family is misguided. aside: your mother is obviously a victim here but your sister isn't obligated to do things so your mom "has the will to live". so--you asked if she could attend; she refused. you need to accept that that's the most you can expect from her, and not further divide your family because of what your father did. please get some professional help to learn how to channel your emotions about this.	yta and by the way as a person who’s brother was a victim of homicide. your father did not pay his debt to society. no amount of jail time accounts for another person life.	yta. paying for braces is baseline dad stuff. paying for your kid's wedding is great, but not as great as murdering a bunch of people is bad. she's not required to forgive anybody. also, for the record, you might have gotten her to go as a favor to you if you'd been like "look, i know you don't have a good relationship with him, but please be with me in this awful time" rather than deciding she's just childish and dramatic for not wanting to stand around talking about how great this dead murderer was because at least he paid the bills on time.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications. my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time. however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society. my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it. i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live. i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my father died right before new years. he passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. his next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications. my father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. he paid for my sisters wedding. he paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. at home i would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time. however, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. he has now paid his due to society. my sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. she says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it. i feel very angry about this. i realize she is an adult but i also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live. i want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. aita. [/INST] yta. she is not obligated to forgive him. you may believe he has paid his dues to society, but that's only an opinion on the matter. </s>
AITA my boyfriend wont let me get a breast reduction?	tl;dr: i have large breasts that have caused me nothing but back pain, and my boyfriend thinks im self centered for wanting a reduction. for context, i (26f) was born with unfortunately large breasts. currently my bra size is that of a whopping 38 e. because of this, ive had intense back pain, shoulder pain, etc growing up. starting a few months ago, the pain had only gotten worse and worse- it seemed i couldnt go an hour without having to dramatically crack my back and swallow ibuprofen and still have to suffer pain. ive tried yoga, stretching, exercising, and everything to try to eliminate back pain (i hoped that with a stronger core or something i'd be able to support my own chest), buy i've only found that it makes it worse. so i did some research and found that a breast reduction was just what i needed- i thought about going down to a c cup or even a b. i wanted my back pain to be completely gone. so, about a week ago, i brought up with my boyfriend (28m), thinking he'd take it well (he's always been supportive of me, so i trusted him) and he was pissed. he told me that i was throwing away my body and "caving in" to "societal pressure". he said there was no reason to change my tit size, and that if i did, he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. we argued about it for a good 2 hours before he tried to "compromise" with me and say he was alright with it as long as i didnt go below a d cup, because anything smaller than that was "childish". he also called me egotistical and self absorbed, asking me why i didnt talk to him about it sooner, or think he would care about it. i told him i didnt think he'd care so much about me changing my body, and he stormed out of the room and has been passive aggressively ignoring me ever since, even to the extent that he wont say i love you back, or sleep in the same bed as me. so, reddit, i just need to know. am i the asshole for this??	19,482	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5n4a3/aita_my_boyfriend_wont_let_me_get_a_breast/	2020-04-21 20:35:11	nta schedule a boyfriend reduction.	nta!! huge red flag. massive. this is entirely for choice, and in no way impacts his wellbeing. he wouldn't be attracted to you anymore? well, heck, i suppose your beautiful personality, intelligence, and caring nature aren't enough for him... he is extremely selfish and childish. i usually stay away from the "cut them off" advice, but this is the time i have to use it., you are suffering every single day. he would rather you have chronic back issues than do something about it because of what he likes? no way. goodbye sir.	nta. he won't let you?! girl, no one lets you do anything with your body. take care of yourself.	nta. get rid of this loser. he’s not thinking of you, only himself. he should love you no matter what your breast size is. apparently he doesn’t if he’s willing to say you won’t be attractive to him anymore. what a douche. good riddance.	hellll no, nta. your boyfriend prioritizing his sexualization of you over your physical health is the only childish thing going on here. that’s like telling someone with horrible vision that they look ugly in glasses so they should just deal with being blind because you’re more pleasing to look at without glasses.	nta. who the fuck does he think he is? your body. do what is right by you. also, ditch him.	nta & he is soo ta that it isn't even funny. get rid of him, & then get rid of however much of your titties as *you* wish! you are the one who has to live with the weight of your gigantaboobs, you are the one who has to experience the back pain; you do what *you* want to do with *your* breasts. ok? don't let anyone else tell you different, you do you.	nta. it sounds like he's not your boyfriend, but he's in a relationship with your breasts. if getting a reduction means he wouldn't be attracted to you anymore, then you need to pack your shit and move on to someone who isn't with you solely because you satisfy his fetish.	nta- this is such an unpleasant way of finding out your boyfriend’s prioritizes his pleasure over your very real pain. for him to use bullshit excuses like “bowing to societal pressure” and “doesn’t want to change the relationship” when he presumably knows it’s causing you pain just speaks to the fact he’s aware his real reason is unacceptable. get the surgery. live your best life and your best life definitely means living pain-free.	you were born with large breasts? damn. i had to wait until i was 13 to get mine.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl;dr: i have large breasts that have caused me nothing but back pain, and my boyfriend thinks im self centered for wanting a reduction. for context, i (26f) was born with unfortunately large breasts. currently my bra size is that of a whopping 38 e. because of this, ive had intense back pain, shoulder pain, etc growing up. starting a few months ago, the pain had only gotten worse and worse- it seemed i couldnt go an hour without having to dramatically crack my back and swallow ibuprofen and still have to suffer pain. ive tried yoga, stretching, exercising, and everything to try to eliminate back pain (i hoped that with a stronger core or something i'd be able to support my own chest), buy i've only found that it makes it worse. so i did some research and found that a breast reduction was just what i needed- i thought about going down to a c cup or even a b. i wanted my back pain to be completely gone. so, about a week ago, i brought up with my boyfriend (28m), thinking he'd take it well (he's always been supportive of me, so i trusted him) and he was pissed. he told me that i was throwing away my body and "caving in" to "societal pressure". he said there was no reason to change my tit size, and that if i did, he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. we argued about it for a good 2 hours before he tried to "compromise" with me and say he was alright with it as long as i didnt go below a d cup, because anything smaller than that was "childish". he also called me egotistical and self absorbed, asking me why i didnt talk to him about it sooner, or think he would care about it. i told him i didnt think he'd care so much about me changing my body, and he stormed out of the room and has been passive aggressively ignoring me ever since, even to the extent that he wont say i love you back, or sleep in the same bed as me. so, reddit, i just need to know. am i the asshole for this??	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> tl;dr: i have large breasts that have caused me nothing but back pain, and my boyfriend thinks im self centered for wanting a reduction. for context, i (26f) was born with unfortunately large breasts. currently my bra size is that of a whopping 38 e. because of this, ive had intense back pain, shoulder pain, etc growing up. starting a few months ago, the pain had only gotten worse and worse- it seemed i couldnt go an hour without having to dramatically crack my back and swallow ibuprofen and still have to suffer pain. ive tried yoga, stretching, exercising, and everything to try to eliminate back pain (i hoped that with a stronger core or something i'd be able to support my own chest), buy i've only found that it makes it worse. so i did some research and found that a breast reduction was just what i needed- i thought about going down to a c cup or even a b. i wanted my back pain to be completely gone. so, about a week ago, i brought up with my boyfriend (28m), thinking he'd take it well (he's always been supportive of me, so i trusted him) and he was pissed. he told me that i was throwing away my body and "caving in" to "societal pressure". he said there was no reason to change my tit size, and that if i did, he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. we argued about it for a good 2 hours before he tried to "compromise" with me and say he was alright with it as long as i didnt go below a d cup, because anything smaller than that was "childish". he also called me egotistical and self absorbed, asking me why i didnt talk to him about it sooner, or think he would care about it. i told him i didnt think he'd care so much about me changing my body, and he stormed out of the room and has been passive aggressively ignoring me ever since, even to the extent that he wont say i love you back, or sleep in the same bed as me. so, reddit, i just need to know. am i the asshole for this?? [/INST] nta schedule a boyfriend reduction. </s>
AITA for snapping at my daughters therapist when she tried to blame my daughters trauma on me?	i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder. if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect. well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues. she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left. my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita?	7,903	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tidmx0/aita_for_snapping_at_my_daughters_therapist_when/	2022-03-20 04:59:37	yta. licensed counselor here. bpd is a trauma response. trauma does not have to be what you think of as abuse to cause the same results as abuse. it would do you good to educate yourself on adverse childhood experiences (aces). edit to add: i don't think op is an ah for not knowing this about bpd, but for their response and behavior towards the therapist. info above in this comment is for op to better understand their daughter.	yta. i’d feel sorry for you, since you are obviously in denial about your own shortcomings and upbringing, but it’s clear that you don’t even have an open enough mind to try to do something other than diminish and invalidate your daughter’s perspective. 10 years down the round you will be asking yourself “why doesn’t my daughter speak to me anymore?”. consider searching “missing missing reasons”, and i’m sure you’ll see your future there.	yta. i hope this is a troll post. by your own admission, you “don’t understand [your] daughter’s disorders” and you don’t know how to actually address mental illness. her therapist has spent years studying this and has her degree in it. this is literally her profession and area of expertise. stop making this about you and if you can’t maybe it’s time for you to go to a therapist yourself. your behavior may have lost you your daughter but if it hasn’t you should be grateful and ask her (and listen to) what she needs to be able to trust you.	yta. i don’t even have the energy to tell you why.	yta. this post shows why ur daughter is in therapy	yta just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and you yet again invalidate your daughters feelings.	> when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. that's not a great way to start a therapy session especially when bringing in a parent for the first time. therapist wins the the ah points here. >after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. >if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders sounds like you never took the time to understand your daughter's problems. 2 ah points for you. you win! yta! listen, we're the same age. if you grew up like i did, we didn't talk about mental illness and only "crazy" people got therapy. we've been through some stuff in our lives. the crazy stuff we saw that was considered normal by us was actually crazy but we didn't know how to recognize it. for your daughter's sake i'd recommend having a session with that "quack" and ask them to break down what they heard from your daughter in a 1 to 1 session. and take the time to really listen. and if you don't see why something is traumatic or crazy ask them to explain it to you. now, it sounds to me like you feel like you walked into an ambush and you kinda did. 1 ah point for daughter. but if she's suffering and if you love your kid you need to be the mature adult and start learning what's going on with your kids mental illness. like now. good luck. you may be the biggest ah winner this time but you have an opportunity to turn things around and be better.	yta and that doesn’t even cover it. bpd is a trauma response. and sounds like you contributed to your daughter’s trauma. and now a therapist was trying to help both of you. but instead of facing some hard truths and working on yourself you threw a tantrum and left. if you cannot do the work, then your daughter probably needs to keep you at a distance, so she can get better. and your response after, i wouldn’t want to be around you!	yta. you caused your daughters trauma and then when you got called out on it by a professional you threw a tantrum and traumatized your daughter again. congratulations, you’re a horrible mother.	this high key feels like it was written by the daughter, and is pretending to be from the perspective of the mother.... edited to add judgement: yta, obviously swearing at your daughter in anger generally is a very mean thing to do.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder. if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect. well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues. she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left. my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i(43f) have a 22 year old daughter. all my daughters life she’s struggled with mental health issues. she has adhd, bi polar and borderline personality disorder. if i’m being honest i never really understood a lot of my daughters disorders. i’ve always approached mental illness as something you just burry deep down. and as a single mother i’ve tried to do my best but i know i’m not perfect. well recently my daughter asked if i’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. i only agreed because she seemed super excited about it. when we got there her therapist first asked me about how i was raised to think about mental health. i said i wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. she then said she guessed that. it seemed kind of snarky but i ignored it. she then asked about my families history with addiction and mental issues. i denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie. they weren’t a lie but i never saw any of these things as big issues. she then began to explain to me that bpd is a trauma response. she explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like i was invalidating my own had a part to play in it. she then tired to tell me ways i can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers. after listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes i finally got up and told her she was a fucking quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about. i stormed out and left. my daughter called me crying an hour later and i told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that bitch. i wasn’t upset with my daughter but i did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves. after cooling down though i think maybe i could have handled that wrong but i’m not sure. aita? [/INST] yta. licensed counselor here. bpd is a trauma response. trauma does not have to be what you think of as abuse to cause the same results as abuse. it would do you good to educate yourself on adverse childhood experiences (aces). edit to add: i don't think op is an ah for not knowing this about bpd, but for their response and behavior towards the therapist. info above in this comment is for op to better understand their daughter. </s>
AITA for kicking out my dad and his pregnant wife out of the home I legally own after they sent my depressed sister to live with our aunt?	my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita?	27,324	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiq5ta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_dad_and_his_pregnant_wife/	2020-03-14 21:45:29	nta, it kind of sounds like your dad's new wife just wanted your sister out of the way for her new perfect little family.	nta his wife thought your dad owned the house and threw her weight around. if the house was in your mothers name and she willed it to you theres not much your dad can do legally.	nta. the fact that your father is allowing his new wife to speak to his children in this manner is disgusting. let them go be bullies somewhere else.	[removed]	nta - sounds like step-mommy dearest didn't know the house wasn't your dad's. something your dad probably neglected to tell her. they're adults, if they can be cruel to your sister, they can deal with reality of finding their own place to live!	nta they’re both being cruel to your sister and kicked her out of the house you own. not cool. you’re standing up for your sister. your dad marrying 6 months after your mom’s death is also so cringe. i’m sorry what you went through	nta your father should have been there for his daughter but he isn’t so you have to be. your father and his pregnant wife can kick rocks.	morally nta, legally.. meh 1. your dad is an ass 2. please, if she isn't already, see about getting your sister counseling 3. if your aunt doesn't own her own home, move her and your sister in once dad and step ~~monster~~ mother have moved out (but i'm petty)	nta they are adults and can handle themselves. however, you might have crossed some lines legally and you probably should have consulted a lawyer before kicking them out to make sure you gave them enough notice.	info, how old are you and is your sister’s house in a trust? i’m not going to judge, but i will say that you need to get that lawyer in place now. as another comment mentioned, what you’re attempting is actually an eviction, and you need to follow legal procedures in trying to get them out. whether or not it’s an ah move, i think you’ve got to follow through now as your actions/circumstances basically will add up to your father and step-mom being hostile tenants, and hostile tenants can do a lot of damage. nal, but if i were you, i would request a police escort to go into the house today and get anything of value to you, including any paperwork you need as well as any of your mother’s possessions you don’t want to see destroyed. you also have to think about your sister’s situation if your dad is her primary caregiver. what kind of retaliation is she going to face as a result of this? are you old enough/willing/prepared to take her in? these are the kinds of practicalities a lawyer should be able to help you sort out. get one, like yesterday.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mother passed away 3 years ago. the family home, where i and my sister grew up, was willed to me. it was her ancestral property, and she wanted her daughter to have it. the other vacation home went to my 16 year old sister. our father remarried 6 months after mom passed away and moved his new wife in. my sister says that that woman has removed all of our family pictures from the main living area. she has removed our mom's pictures as well. now all of these pictures adorn the walls of my sister's room. recently our father and his wife announced that they were pregnant with twins. my sister didn't take it well. she's still not over mom's death and had a breakdown after the announcement. the night of my sister's 16th birthday party, she brought a lot of friends over and the party went on till the next morning. my dad's wife, who was out with our father on vacation returned the same morning and lost her cool when she saw the kids passed out on the living room. our dad knew about the party, they just got home earlier than expected. his wife proceeded to lose her cool and had a big shouting match with my sister. she said that my sister was just like our mom and was a burden on our dad. she then asked her to leave and sent her packing to our aunt's. i was furious when i got to know about it. i showed up home the next day and asked them to leave within a week. she's 7 months pregnant and had no idea that the house belonged to me. i know i shouldn't be kicking a pregnant woman out but i don't want my spineless father and his wife to abuse my sister anymore. my father called me a cruel brat and now wants to challenge our mom's will. he can try, my mom's family has already appointed their family lawyer to fight my case. aita? [/INST] nta, it kind of sounds like your dad's new wife just wanted your sister out of the way for her new perfect little family. </s>
AITA for shutting down the electric to my moms house after finding out she had used my social security without my knowing?	unknowingly to me (m20) for the past two years my mom has been using my social security number to open an account with an electric company and since she opened it she hasn’t paid one bill, racking up over 5400 usd in debt under my name. i only found out about the bill after i went to check the mail christmas day and saw mail from the company to me. she had hidden it from me for over two years. i was furious and panicked because i’m supposed to be getting married, i’m in college, and already it felt as though my life was already hitting a block, and now i wasn’t even going to be able to put the power for my own house under my name and my credit would be down the drain if i didn’t do something about it. so i texted my mom asking about it, i tried to be respectful about it, but she threw a fit, yelled at me, and immediately tried to turn the tables on me. she had tried saying that i told her she could use my name, but even if i did, (which i know i didn’t because i would remember something like this) it’s the fact she didn’t pay a penny for two years, since she opened the account. she said things to me like i ruined christmas, how terrible i am treating her, i don’t appreciate anything she does for me, and tried holding college over my head saying she isn’t going to help me do anything, or pay anything for my college if i try to do anything about the electric. some of the things were so bad that my fiancé said i should delete the messages so i don’t have to look at them whenever i get on my phone. after much thought and consideration, i decided to shut the power off, i gave my mom some time to figure something else out for the power to the house and i’m not sure if she thinks i’m serious or not but i intend on closing the account. she now has basically disowned me, and after talking to my little brother, (he’s 18), i heard how she tried turning my siblings against me, telling them how terrible i am and twisting the situation in favor of her. my friends think i should sue her, but as my mother i don’t think i could bring myself to do it, i told her i’ll take the debt on but i’m not letting the account stay open.	18,500	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eksd4l/aita_for_shutting_down_the_electric_to_my_moms/	2020-01-06 10:31:12	nta - she stole your identity and fraudulently opened an account that is ruining your credit and putting you into debt. she's trying to guilt you because she knows she screwed up. pull your credit report, talk to the bank and do whatever is needed to ensure thaf she hasn't opened other accounts in your name. take the steps to get it registered as fraud so that it doesn't haunt you. might want to head over to r/legaladvice for any next steps to clean up this mess and protect yourself.	nta dude your friends are right this is abuse, and identity theft/fraud. you should not take on an extra random 5,400 in debt. that could be five months of rent, a cheap used car, or a vacation. think about that.	go to r/legaladvice because your mother committed a massive crime, speak with a lawyer and take pictures of your mother's texts as proof of her highly illegal behavior. you need to keep a paper trail of the things she did and try to sue her for the dept she put on you	nta - but you should make sure that she didn’t use your social security number for other things you don’t know anything about yet!	nta please get legal help. that is fraud and you need to check she has nothing else in your name. she is counting on you writing it off because family	nta...dude i get you don’t want to sue your own mother but come on! you will never get this money back and you are a student you need to reclaim your own life here and realize that this money is going to be a tremendous burden on you. call the electric company and let them know that this was not your doing-you don’t have to pay this...save yourself!	nta! my mom stole my identity when i was 18. like the day i turned 18 she opened several credit cards in my name and i had to take her to court over it. needless to say we dont talk anymore and she has completely ruined our relationship. sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move on. i know it must be hard having siblings involved. after my mom and i settled in court and i pressed charges against her for identity theft, she tried to pin my siblings against me and convince them i was in the wrong. they believed her at first because they were young and impressionable, but when they got older the truth came out and they now resent her for her actions and we have a happy healthy relationship. wishing you the best op! it gets better!	a lot of people here are focussing on you losing the money, but it's much much much more serious then that. if it was only 5400 in money, then i'd understand that you don't want to get your mother into problems. the thing is... it's not just the 5400. the non-payments will keep having an effect on your credit score. this is taking a hit for years. non-payment is baaaaad. she can keep opening more accounts, some that you won't be aware of for years, unless offcourse you permanently want to act paranoid (justified in this case, but still not a fun way to live). and what makes you think that if she did this to you, that she won't do it to your siblings?	nta. how is she going to help you pay for college if she can’t even pay her own bills.	how did the bill get that high without the power being turned off?	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: unknowingly to me (m20) for the past two years my mom has been using my social security number to open an account with an electric company and since she opened it she hasn’t paid one bill, racking up over 5400 usd in debt under my name. i only found out about the bill after i went to check the mail christmas day and saw mail from the company to me. she had hidden it from me for over two years. i was furious and panicked because i’m supposed to be getting married, i’m in college, and already it felt as though my life was already hitting a block, and now i wasn’t even going to be able to put the power for my own house under my name and my credit would be down the drain if i didn’t do something about it. so i texted my mom asking about it, i tried to be respectful about it, but she threw a fit, yelled at me, and immediately tried to turn the tables on me. she had tried saying that i told her she could use my name, but even if i did, (which i know i didn’t because i would remember something like this) it’s the fact she didn’t pay a penny for two years, since she opened the account. she said things to me like i ruined christmas, how terrible i am treating her, i don’t appreciate anything she does for me, and tried holding college over my head saying she isn’t going to help me do anything, or pay anything for my college if i try to do anything about the electric. some of the things were so bad that my fiancé said i should delete the messages so i don’t have to look at them whenever i get on my phone. after much thought and consideration, i decided to shut the power off, i gave my mom some time to figure something else out for the power to the house and i’m not sure if she thinks i’m serious or not but i intend on closing the account. she now has basically disowned me, and after talking to my little brother, (he’s 18), i heard how she tried turning my siblings against me, telling them how terrible i am and twisting the situation in favor of her. my friends think i should sue her, but as my mother i don’t think i could bring myself to do it, i told her i’ll take the debt on but i’m not letting the account stay open.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> unknowingly to me (m20) for the past two years my mom has been using my social security number to open an account with an electric company and since she opened it she hasn’t paid one bill, racking up over 5400 usd in debt under my name. i only found out about the bill after i went to check the mail christmas day and saw mail from the company to me. she had hidden it from me for over two years. i was furious and panicked because i’m supposed to be getting married, i’m in college, and already it felt as though my life was already hitting a block, and now i wasn’t even going to be able to put the power for my own house under my name and my credit would be down the drain if i didn’t do something about it. so i texted my mom asking about it, i tried to be respectful about it, but she threw a fit, yelled at me, and immediately tried to turn the tables on me. she had tried saying that i told her she could use my name, but even if i did, (which i know i didn’t because i would remember something like this) it’s the fact she didn’t pay a penny for two years, since she opened the account. she said things to me like i ruined christmas, how terrible i am treating her, i don’t appreciate anything she does for me, and tried holding college over my head saying she isn’t going to help me do anything, or pay anything for my college if i try to do anything about the electric. some of the things were so bad that my fiancé said i should delete the messages so i don’t have to look at them whenever i get on my phone. after much thought and consideration, i decided to shut the power off, i gave my mom some time to figure something else out for the power to the house and i’m not sure if she thinks i’m serious or not but i intend on closing the account. she now has basically disowned me, and after talking to my little brother, (he’s 18), i heard how she tried turning my siblings against me, telling them how terrible i am and twisting the situation in favor of her. my friends think i should sue her, but as my mother i don’t think i could bring myself to do it, i told her i’ll take the debt on but i’m not letting the account stay open. [/INST] nta - she stole your identity and fraudulently opened an account that is ruining your credit and putting you into debt. she's trying to guilt you because she knows she screwed up. pull your credit report, talk to the bank and do whatever is needed to ensure thaf she hasn't opened other accounts in your name. take the steps to get it registered as fraud so that it doesn't haunt you. might want to head over to r/legaladvice for any next steps to clean up this mess and protect yourself. </s>
AITA for not shaving my legs for work?	so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs. so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out. when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked. i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further. later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious. aita for not shaving my legs for my job?	21,891	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct8w0a/aita_for_not_shaving_my_legs_for_work/	2019-08-21 00:21:08	nta this is some sexist bullshit. wow. absolutely incredibly ridiculous. would they ask a male employee to shave his legs? how is it unhygienic for you but not for any man who has leg hair? i'm honestly aghast.	nta. and don't freak out: hr probably wants to cover their ass. your boss probably told them what happened and they want to make sure you don't sue.	nta. see this one to the end. dont be nervous about the meeting with hr, just be honest about what happened. this is a pretty righteous hill to die on imo.	nta. i hope hr wants to talk with you to let you know that your boss’s comments were sexist and wrong. there’s no need to freak out because you’ve done nothing wrong. the only thing i would do to prepare for your meeting with hr is to write an account of the meeting with your boss in your own words. if hr starts to agree with your boss, you could rhetorically ask if they’re planning on making the men shave as well. it would also do you good to have the name of a good employment law attorney in your area. r/legaladvice would love this post.	i'm gonna go against the grain here and say nah. do you have the right to not shave your legs? of course. anything otherwise would be stupid and sexist. however based on your description, you work for a promotion company where you work at events and festivals, which means many meetings with (potential) clients. you mentioned in another comment that you are "the pretty girl", which means that your looks are used to sell a product/draw customers. if your unshaven legs discomfort your clients, hence effecting the (potential) company sales, then the company can choose to no longer employ you anymore. you would no longer be fulfilling a requirement for your job - even though current norms dictacte that you can't simply say "must be attractive to work here". it's a nah because if i was in the bosses situation, and i had (presumably) received remarks and/or complaints from clients, i would be put in a very awkward position. on one hand i can't just tell the clients to "gtfo and adjust to 21st century", because... they are clients. on the other hand i can't fire you simply because you don't shave your legs. so i would try to mediate a conversation, to see how it goes. i'd have no idea how to make this conversation sound tackless. i'm just assuming things here, but your bosses remarks about it not being hygenic is probably not accurate. he just wanted to find a way to let you know that your choice of not shaving your legs is affecting the company. his word choice could have been better, i agree. however i think he basically gave you a heads up saying "hey listen, i don't want to outright fire you. but here is the situation...". i wanted to present you the other side of the coin because too many people have already mentioned "omg sue the sexist pig" etc. you can do anything you want in this world, but that doesn't mean you will not face the consequences. right now in 2019, the society thinks that women not shaving their legs is not nice. whether that is wrong or right is not relevant. you are going to have to make a decision; * do i want to keep this job (and have to wear jeans/pants instead of skirts)? or * do i think not shaving my legs is more important than a job? in an idealistic world everyone would be going with the second option. but you know your circumstances best, so you do you.	nah, leaning towards yta she works in at-will employment https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/at-will_employment why isn’t your work an asshole? 1.) you don’t work in an office job or warehouse job where you don’t see customers. clients see you and it’s entirely possible someone external made a comment about you. this translates to erosion of the bottom line, your are impacting $. 2.) your job is largely focused on social skills and appearance since you travel and meet a variety of people for your work. very hairy legs on a woman, however justified, isn’t a social norm. why aren’t you an asshole? 1.) women don’t have to shave their legs. 2.) you are right to feel comfortable and safe. however this is a job. you’re not entitled to it. your boss and hr most likely has a complaint from an external source and you will be 100% boned. this is a real corporate environment. if you want to keep this job i suggest shaving. if you want a place you can feel comfortable doing whatever you want, there are plenty of other places for you.	i think everyone is too hung up on the word "hygiene". it sounds like the boss was flustered to have to have this talk and was looking for the right words. red in the face, stuttering, unprepared for how to respond to any pushback. this was not a conversation he was looking forward to. i'm wondering if he was asked to talk with you about it by the next person up the chain, and this only made it to hr after he reported the results of the conversation. it sounds like you're in a public facing position and i think companies have a right to dictate how they want their employees to present themselves in public. there are all types of different dress codes for men and women, and they aren't always the same. an example might be a setting where a man is required to wear a jacket and tie, but a woman is able to wear a blouse. long pants vs shorter pants/skirt, men might have to shave their face or not be allowed to have long hair. i kind of feel like i would generally be looked down on as a man for letting shaving effect my career, while you'd be celebrated for taking a stand over your legs. if one of my friends quit their job over having to shave their face i would definitely question their decision making. just pointing out the reality that there are differences in expectations. none of this is to say that you should shave. you're certainly free to do whatever you want, and you should do what you think is going to be the best for you. if you see something in your workplace that you think is unfair i definitely think you should stand up for yourself. nta - your coworkers that complained are ta. boss is getting a pass from me since it seems like this is an issue he's reluctant to pursue.	your boss lifts up his pant leg "yes i do", revealing a leg so smooth you can see your reflection. "we all do". you suddenly realize no one has eyebrows.	nta. his "company policy" sounds misogynistic, unless if it states that the men in the company should also shave their legs. try to search where in the policy does it state about hygiene to clear things up, and bring that up to hr on your meeting.	nta this isn’t a hygiene problem it’s a sexist view women have to shave. personally, i do but i respect your right to make that decision. talk it over with hr, stand your ground. if they fire you publicize your story. that is unfair sexist business practices.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.002566	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs. so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out. when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked. i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further. later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious. aita for not shaving my legs for my job?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i’m a 21 year old female. i feel like i should say these thing about myself because these are usually what people ask or say when they find out i rarely shave my legs. i’m straight, i’m very feminine, and i just don’t like to waste my time or money on shaving my legs. also i’m not a hairy person at all! you can barley see my leg hair, arm hair or even my god damn eyebrows. the only time i shave is when i’m dating a new guy in my life and i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now. also he doesn’t give a rats ass if i shave my legs. so i work for a promotion company where i travel and work at event and festivals. but today i had to go into the office to grab some materials and my boss was there in his office so i stoped to say hi before i left out. when i ducked in he awkwardly asked me if we could talk about something. i said sure and came in and he shut the door. he was so red and stuttering but finally he told me we needed to speak about hygiene. i was in literal shock. i was so embarrassed and asked him what he meant. my boss then proceeded to tell me that a few people complained i didn’t shave my legs and they said it went against company policy that i wasn’t being hygienic. i was even more shocked. i told him i didn’t understand what that had to do with me shaving my legs and he was just absolutely quiet. i asked him if he shaved his legs and he still said nothing. i then stood up and said if we were gonna keep talking about this i’d prefer hr to be there and he just told me that we didn’t need to discuss it any further. later today i just got an email from hr saying that they would like to set up a meeting for next week to talk further about the discussion that happened today. i’m freaking out and it’s making me so anxious. aita for not shaving my legs for my job? [/INST] nta this is some sexist bullshit. wow. absolutely incredibly ridiculous. would they ask a male employee to shave his legs? how is it unhygienic for you but not for any man who has leg hair? i'm honestly aghast. </s>
AITA for changing the locks after my mother... walked in... on me and my partner?	info: i am a woman. just realised i left that out. also my partner and i are engaged, not married (yet). i moved into my place a couple years ago. mum lives about 10 minutes away walking. i lived alone at the time, so i gave her a key, that way if i ever lost my key, i could just go to her place and grab it, and if there was ever an emergency she could help me. my partner of 3 years moved in with me about a year ago (he wanted to move in sooner but had some stuff to sort out). i asked mum for her key, so i could give it to him, but she kept forgetting so i just made a copy of my one. mum has kept her key, and though she swears she doesn't use it, i'll get home occasionally (maybe once a month) to find something is different and mum admits to causing it. my partner and i also have a baby, a 6 month old, and while i am able to be at home with the baby right now, if my partner is ever out and i need to go out, mum having a key means i can ask her to come over and enables her to leave the flat and take the baby outside.	18,557	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n33pw6/aita_for_changing_the_locks_after_my_mother/	2021-05-02 10:37:30	nta. you did not "go straight to changing the locks"; you first asked her, on that occasion and on previous ones, for the key back, and she made it plain that she was not going to either return it to you or respect your privacy going forward. if she feels like an unruly child, that may just be because she is acting like one, and if she feels you do not trust her, that goes hand in hand with the fact that she has not been trustworthy. you are not obliged to soothe her out of her pique over experiencing consequences.	nta. i don't know who thinks that it's ok to key into their adult child's home both unannounced an uninvited, walk into their bedroom and surprise them. that is never a good idea. if she is unable to accept and respect basic boundaries, then she does not deserve a key to your home.	nta and woooooooow at your mom for not accepting this boundary. that's levels and levels of ick that, if part of any larger pattern, would be concerning.	nta she’s breaking a massive boundary by letting herself into your home without your knowledge.	> i'll get home occasionally (maybe once a month) to find something is different and mum admits to causing it. ...whaaattt? i would have changed the lock right after this happened the second or third time. her going into her daughter's house without telling you is a major red flag. she should always ask you before entering your house, whether she has a key or not. > and not talking to her made her feel like an unruly child. yeah, after she herself is still treating you like a pre-teen whom she can't trust to take care of herself? nta. was your mom always a helicopter parent?	[deleted]	nta i am kind of astonished actually. not so much about her coming over to surprise you on your birthday, but that she walked into your bedroom. she was wrong on all counts regardless of that she had done useful things in the past. who walks into a couple's bedroom unannounced?	so... you had an argument about her letting herself in without asking. and she thought the best way to make up was for her to... try to let herself in without warning, again, after you’d made it very clear that you didn’t want her to do that. for whatever reason, your mother has picked this as a hill to die on. if you don’t allow her to have unrestricted access to your home, she reacts like you’re personally insulting her and you’re a bad daughter, not a grown adult with a partner and a baby who is entitled to some flipping privacy! there’s no way she kept “forgetting” to return her key when you wanted to give it to your partner, she just wanted to keep being able to walk in whenever she pleased. does she ignore other boundaries you try to set, too? or did she raise you to not have any boundaries against her, and this is the first time you’ve actually enforced one? nta. by the way, it’s absolutely hilarious that she’s saying that changing the lock makes her feel like you don’t trust her. of course you don’t trust her. she wouldn’t even know you’d changed the lock if she hadn’t tried to let herself in, proving that you can’t trust her!	>she refused to give the key back, calling me short sighted, selfish, and ungrateful, and said i'm prioritising my relationship with my partner over my relationship with her. i don't know if it's just me, but this seems a bit alarming. i would think that it's reasonable to prioritize your partner and baby, considering how they're your immediate family now. she's definitely overstepped your boundaries, and while it might be okay for her to have a key for emergencies, she shouldn't be wandering around your house uninvited, whenever she pleases. nta	nta at all - it's okay for her to have a key for emergencies and such, but to just let herself in like she owns the place is a massive no, and if she can't respect that then she looses that priveledge. and as for "making her feel like you don't trust her" - just say "yes, exactly that - i don't trust you not to just let yourself into my home without any notice, i need privacy and security".	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: info: i am a woman. just realised i left that out. also my partner and i are engaged, not married (yet). i moved into my place a couple years ago. mum lives about 10 minutes away walking. i lived alone at the time, so i gave her a key, that way if i ever lost my key, i could just go to her place and grab it, and if there was ever an emergency she could help me. my partner of 3 years moved in with me about a year ago (he wanted to move in sooner but had some stuff to sort out). i asked mum for her key, so i could give it to him, but she kept forgetting so i just made a copy of my one. mum has kept her key, and though she swears she doesn't use it, i'll get home occasionally (maybe once a month) to find something is different and mum admits to causing it. my partner and i also have a baby, a 6 month old, and while i am able to be at home with the baby right now, if my partner is ever out and i need to go out, mum having a key means i can ask her to come over and enables her to leave the flat and take the baby outside.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> info: i am a woman. just realised i left that out. also my partner and i are engaged, not married (yet). i moved into my place a couple years ago. mum lives about 10 minutes away walking. i lived alone at the time, so i gave her a key, that way if i ever lost my key, i could just go to her place and grab it, and if there was ever an emergency she could help me. my partner of 3 years moved in with me about a year ago (he wanted to move in sooner but had some stuff to sort out). i asked mum for her key, so i could give it to him, but she kept forgetting so i just made a copy of my one. mum has kept her key, and though she swears she doesn't use it, i'll get home occasionally (maybe once a month) to find something is different and mum admits to causing it. my partner and i also have a baby, a 6 month old, and while i am able to be at home with the baby right now, if my partner is ever out and i need to go out, mum having a key means i can ask her to come over and enables her to leave the flat and take the baby outside. [/INST] nta. you did not "go straight to changing the locks"; you first asked her, on that occasion and on previous ones, for the key back, and she made it plain that she was not going to either return it to you or respect your privacy going forward. if she feels like an unruly child, that may just be because she is acting like one, and if she feels you do not trust her, that goes hand in hand with the fact that she has not been trustworthy. you are not obliged to soothe her out of her pique over experiencing consequences. </s>
AITA for refusing to be a live-in nanny for my brother and SIL?	so i (22f) have just graduated university. i worked part time the whole 4 years and occasionally babysat my brother’s (30) kids (5f and 3m) to earn some extra money. i still lived at home and still do and managed to save up a bit. i planned on going travelling to take some time out before i look for full time work. however, my plans are on hold for now. the part time job i did have which was a constant source of income has closed up as the company has shut down. i’m actively looking for a job but a lot of places aren’t hiring so the only kinda money i get is from watching my niece and nephew or unemployment benefit which isn’t a whole lot. i was watching the kids one night recently where my brother and sil came back. when the kids were in bed, they said they wanted to talk to me about making the babysitting a more kinda permanent job until i found something better. they said they wanted to pay me to be a nanny and basically watch the kids on a more full time basis whilst they were both at work. i initially thought this sounded great as it meant i could do full time work during the week, spend some time with the kids, still have weekends to myself and earn some money. i asked if that’s what they wanted and they came back with they wanted a live-in nanny and they had ridiculous requests for the job. they wanted me to give up all freedoms and move into their spare room. i couldn’t go out to meet anyone or have any plans on my off time unless it was someone they know or pre-approved contact. my work hours would be a standard 9-5, but i would have to be on a constant 24/7 notice period for the children. i had to contribute to the household and do chores, cook and clean. any money i have saved is rendered null and void and must be handed over to them as security so i don’t “spend it all or make decisions that impact the household.” i would also have to get rid of my car which my dad pays for and give up my phone so they can get me a phone plan they pay for and can monitor and i couldn’t drive my car only their one. the list goes on but basically they wanted me to give up every aspect of my freedom to become i guess their house slave. i told my brother and sil to go to hell if they think i’d let them control my life and i told them to find someone else to babysit their kids. i’ve since received texts from them both saying they’re struggling with childcare and that i’m an idiot to turn down a job offer when i can’t find anywhere else. i told my parents all this and my mum thinks i should grin and bear it for a while and my dad is furious and says they’re trying to control and abuse me. i really could use the money so idk.	18,065	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iefk1b/aita_for_refusing_to_be_a_livein_nanny_for_my/	2020-08-22 09:30:46	nta. if your mom is pressuring you, they should be the ones to be a live in nanny. your brother’s terms are outrageous. absolutely don’t do it.	[deleted]	nta and your dad is reacting appropriately. these are absolutely disgusting demands, and wildly illegal too. they want you to become an actual domestic slave (look it up, thousands of people are victims of this every year). you won't "grin and bear it for a while": if you do it, it will destroy you mentally and financially.	nta, listen to your dad, that’s insane and totally abusive. there is no way they’d be even trying to enforce these requests on outside their family. you’ll find a job, i’m sure it’s just hell out there at the minute.	nta, they want a slave and don't plan on paying you ever. they told you they will keep your money as security. this is slavery. don't do it. don't babysit ever again either. tell your mom if she is so keen on this arrangement she should agree to do it and be her kids slave.	nta siblings don't equal super nannies. my siblings try to push their kids off on my all the time. the fact that they want you to drop your whole life just shows they plan on taking full advantage of you and use you for slave labor basically	nta. that's... not what a nanny is. idk if you just made this up or what. it's incredibly weird. if it's true, keep tf away from these crazy people.	nta i don’t even get half the demands they’re making. why do they need to keep your money? if you worked for it, it’s yours and for you to do with whatever you choose. what is it to them? it has nothing to do with your job. why security? are they expecting you burn down the house? doesn’t sound like they trust you if they want a security deposit. so why would they want you to watch their kids if they don’t even trust you to not destroy their house? it doesn’t make sense at all. same with the phone. why do you need a new phone? what’s wrong with yours? can’t they reach you in case of emergency? would that be easier with a new phone? hardly. stay away from them. they actually sound toxic and completely unreasonable. imagine applying for a job and being told those job conditions. they’re illegal from the get go. this job is not going to work out for you. i hope you find something decent very soon and don’t even have to think about this weird offer anymore. good luck!	nta. tell them that slavery was abolished in 1863.	nta when i started reading i thought it was fairly reasonable, until i kept on reading! that’s not reasonable at all! i understand they don’t want you to mix with a lot of people while being in their house with their kids, we are in the middle of a pandemic. but controlling every other aspect of your life and take over you whole life, it’s not ok. if you’re in the u.k. and you drive why don’t you get a job at one of the supermarkets as a delivery driver? they have been recruiting non stop!	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (22f) have just graduated university. i worked part time the whole 4 years and occasionally babysat my brother’s (30) kids (5f and 3m) to earn some extra money. i still lived at home and still do and managed to save up a bit. i planned on going travelling to take some time out before i look for full time work. however, my plans are on hold for now. the part time job i did have which was a constant source of income has closed up as the company has shut down. i’m actively looking for a job but a lot of places aren’t hiring so the only kinda money i get is from watching my niece and nephew or unemployment benefit which isn’t a whole lot. i was watching the kids one night recently where my brother and sil came back. when the kids were in bed, they said they wanted to talk to me about making the babysitting a more kinda permanent job until i found something better. they said they wanted to pay me to be a nanny and basically watch the kids on a more full time basis whilst they were both at work. i initially thought this sounded great as it meant i could do full time work during the week, spend some time with the kids, still have weekends to myself and earn some money. i asked if that’s what they wanted and they came back with they wanted a live-in nanny and they had ridiculous requests for the job. they wanted me to give up all freedoms and move into their spare room. i couldn’t go out to meet anyone or have any plans on my off time unless it was someone they know or pre-approved contact. my work hours would be a standard 9-5, but i would have to be on a constant 24/7 notice period for the children. i had to contribute to the household and do chores, cook and clean. any money i have saved is rendered null and void and must be handed over to them as security so i don’t “spend it all or make decisions that impact the household.” i would also have to get rid of my car which my dad pays for and give up my phone so they can get me a phone plan they pay for and can monitor and i couldn’t drive my car only their one. the list goes on but basically they wanted me to give up every aspect of my freedom to become i guess their house slave. i told my brother and sil to go to hell if they think i’d let them control my life and i told them to find someone else to babysit their kids. i’ve since received texts from them both saying they’re struggling with childcare and that i’m an idiot to turn down a job offer when i can’t find anywhere else. i told my parents all this and my mum thinks i should grin and bear it for a while and my dad is furious and says they’re trying to control and abuse me. i really could use the money so idk.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i (22f) have just graduated university. i worked part time the whole 4 years and occasionally babysat my brother’s (30) kids (5f and 3m) to earn some extra money. i still lived at home and still do and managed to save up a bit. i planned on going travelling to take some time out before i look for full time work. however, my plans are on hold for now. the part time job i did have which was a constant source of income has closed up as the company has shut down. i’m actively looking for a job but a lot of places aren’t hiring so the only kinda money i get is from watching my niece and nephew or unemployment benefit which isn’t a whole lot. i was watching the kids one night recently where my brother and sil came back. when the kids were in bed, they said they wanted to talk to me about making the babysitting a more kinda permanent job until i found something better. they said they wanted to pay me to be a nanny and basically watch the kids on a more full time basis whilst they were both at work. i initially thought this sounded great as it meant i could do full time work during the week, spend some time with the kids, still have weekends to myself and earn some money. i asked if that’s what they wanted and they came back with they wanted a live-in nanny and they had ridiculous requests for the job. they wanted me to give up all freedoms and move into their spare room. i couldn’t go out to meet anyone or have any plans on my off time unless it was someone they know or pre-approved contact. my work hours would be a standard 9-5, but i would have to be on a constant 24/7 notice period for the children. i had to contribute to the household and do chores, cook and clean. any money i have saved is rendered null and void and must be handed over to them as security so i don’t “spend it all or make decisions that impact the household.” i would also have to get rid of my car which my dad pays for and give up my phone so they can get me a phone plan they pay for and can monitor and i couldn’t drive my car only their one. the list goes on but basically they wanted me to give up every aspect of my freedom to become i guess their house slave. i told my brother and sil to go to hell if they think i’d let them control my life and i told them to find someone else to babysit their kids. i’ve since received texts from them both saying they’re struggling with childcare and that i’m an idiot to turn down a job offer when i can’t find anywhere else. i told my parents all this and my mum thinks i should grin and bear it for a while and my dad is furious and says they’re trying to control and abuse me. i really could use the money so idk. [/INST] nta. if your mom is pressuring you, they should be the ones to be a live in nanny. your brother’s terms are outrageous. absolutely don’t do it. </s>
AITA for not attending my BIL's funeral because my sister didn't invite our parents?	throwaway, i'm 22 and kat is 25. my sister 'kat' married her husband 'mark' when she was 21. my interactions with mark were always kind, respectful and it's obvious they loved each other. he was a bit of a negative influence on her though, and because of this kat, mark and our parents didn't get along that well. i'll be the first one to say my parents were pretty strict growing up, but it was never anything that serious, and they always looked out for our best interests. kat also used this opportunity to go low contact with our parents, but me and her kept in touch. mark passed away recently, and the funeral is next week. it's a private funeral so only the people invited can come. kat invited me and i said i'll be there. i was talking to mom and she mentioned kat hadn't invited them to mark's funeral, and they're hurt but they're also worried about her. i was surprised, and i called kat later. she said she didn't want mom and dad there, and i replied they just want to look out for her. kat got pretty mad at me, so i replied i understand she's in a lot of grief right now, but if she's going to try to break our family apart, i unfortunately won't be attending. kat said i was 'picking sides' and 'she doesn't want to me there anyway if i'm going to be like that'. she didn't reply to my texts afterwards, i'm just sort of caught in the middle but kat's angry with me aita?	5,086	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcx6je/aita_for_not_attending_my_bils_funeral_because_my/	2022-12-05 04:45:50	yta you weren’t caught in the middle. you firmly placed yourself in the middle.	yta she’s grieving the loss of her husband, she gets to decide who is around her while she does that.	yta you don't say in what way mark was a "negative influence" on your sister, but reading between the lines it sounds like your parents were more strict/interfering than your sister deemed reasonable and she and her husband had different boundaries. she had every right to not include people who she didn't feel were supportive of her and her marriage. you had every right to refuse to go when she didn't invite your parents, but that doesnt' make you not ta for refusing to go .	yta i read your comment. mark's alleged bad influences were giving kat the courage to change to the major she wanted and to resume playing the violin. in other words, he was helping her become her own person instead of being the perfect submissive child your parents wanted her to be. these are the people you're choosing over your grieving sister. kat just lost her husband. her parents don't respect any decisions she makes that differ from their expectations. and now you've let her down. my heart hurts for her.	wow. so now kat lost a husband and a sister. yta	yta she’s low contact for a reason. she needs support and obviously didn’t think your parents would support her the way she needed to. this isn’t about you, either go or don’t but you don’t decide if you wanna stomp her boundaries you abide by them or you risk her going no contact with you as well	info: in what way was he a negative influence on her?	yta not only did you fail spectacularly at being supportive in a very difficult time, your solution was to shove your parents who your sister already does not get on with in her face. when she expressed she had no desire to invite them, you shamed her and then punished her by not only withdrawing your presence, but any and all emotional support you could have provided. it is her husband's funeral. you already stated your parents disapproved of the union, and so vocally she went lc. if she wanted to be shamed for having married him at his own funeral, i'm sure she could have invited them personally without a problem. this is not a wound that can, or needs to be, healed by you. you way overstepped your boundaries. also, it begs the question of favoritism. the way you worded the post makes it sound as though your parents were hard handed and controlling to you kids and, perhaps, you skipped the brunt of it by being the favorite child. i highly doubt your experience with your parents is anywhere near similar to hers. you need to reach out and bend over backwards apologizing to your sister and making this right. she already lost her husband and has no desire to interact with your awful parents. the last thing she needs is a smaller support group. shame on you.	yta- the funeral is about celebrating mark’s life and as you said your parents were not supportive of him or involved in their lives. so why would they be invited to attend the private funeral. you were a part of their life and must feel like you are abandoning her now by taking your parents side. if they want to repair their relationship with your sister, they need to respect her wishes and send her their condolences after. after the funeral is the time to start re-building trust and the relationship.	ugh yta. sister is already lc with parents, you used that she didn't want them there as an excuse to not attend the funeral, even though you already stated you would come.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway, i'm 22 and kat is 25. my sister 'kat' married her husband 'mark' when she was 21. my interactions with mark were always kind, respectful and it's obvious they loved each other. he was a bit of a negative influence on her though, and because of this kat, mark and our parents didn't get along that well. i'll be the first one to say my parents were pretty strict growing up, but it was never anything that serious, and they always looked out for our best interests. kat also used this opportunity to go low contact with our parents, but me and her kept in touch. mark passed away recently, and the funeral is next week. it's a private funeral so only the people invited can come. kat invited me and i said i'll be there. i was talking to mom and she mentioned kat hadn't invited them to mark's funeral, and they're hurt but they're also worried about her. i was surprised, and i called kat later. she said she didn't want mom and dad there, and i replied they just want to look out for her. kat got pretty mad at me, so i replied i understand she's in a lot of grief right now, but if she's going to try to break our family apart, i unfortunately won't be attending. kat said i was 'picking sides' and 'she doesn't want to me there anyway if i'm going to be like that'. she didn't reply to my texts afterwards, i'm just sort of caught in the middle but kat's angry with me aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway, i'm 22 and kat is 25. my sister 'kat' married her husband 'mark' when she was 21. my interactions with mark were always kind, respectful and it's obvious they loved each other. he was a bit of a negative influence on her though, and because of this kat, mark and our parents didn't get along that well. i'll be the first one to say my parents were pretty strict growing up, but it was never anything that serious, and they always looked out for our best interests. kat also used this opportunity to go low contact with our parents, but me and her kept in touch. mark passed away recently, and the funeral is next week. it's a private funeral so only the people invited can come. kat invited me and i said i'll be there. i was talking to mom and she mentioned kat hadn't invited them to mark's funeral, and they're hurt but they're also worried about her. i was surprised, and i called kat later. she said she didn't want mom and dad there, and i replied they just want to look out for her. kat got pretty mad at me, so i replied i understand she's in a lot of grief right now, but if she's going to try to break our family apart, i unfortunately won't be attending. kat said i was 'picking sides' and 'she doesn't want to me there anyway if i'm going to be like that'. she didn't reply to my texts afterwards, i'm just sort of caught in the middle but kat's angry with me aita? [/INST] yta you weren’t caught in the middle. you firmly placed yourself in the middle. </s>
AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister’s wedding because I’m required to write an “application essay” just to attend?	yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita?	32,172	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzyy7b/aita_for_refusing_to_rsvp_to_my_sisters_wedding/	2020-07-29 11:19:28	nta. i would definitely send in two essays. the first would say “mom/dad said i have to come or i’m in big trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. the second, “i’m your sibling.”	nta and i hope no one writes the essay so she can see how ridiculous shes being	nta - holy hell this is a new one, props to your sister for inventing a whole new way to be a lunatic. if they don’t care enough to “reserve” you a spot, why would you want to celebrate a day with someone so selfish? i think they’re going to get a hard dose of reality when people don’t respond or meet their 500 word essay. how’re you going to be in big trouble with your parents? assuming you’re old enough to pay for the trip out of your pocket, there’s not really anything they can do except be mad. save your money and treat yourself to a nice trip to somewhere that doesn’t have crazy people.	nta. but there's an easy out: > why do you still want to celebrate this day with us? you're my little/older sister. if you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding i am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials. > what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically? you're my little/older sister. if you feel that our relationship and our shared experiences over the years do not warrant an invitation to your wedding i am very sorry that you feel that way but will respect your decision to not include me in the celebration of your nuptials. you said yourself, you don't need the expense and complication. and you certainly don't need to grovel for an invite. so send that in and see what she decides.	jesus, nta. that is ridiculous and i would respond in exactly the same way. i get that it's tricky whittling down a guest list, but i don't think it should be up to the guest to justify and provide evidence that their relationship with the couple warrants an invite.	nta but wow, she’s really making people apply to a wedding? imagine some sad dude writing a whole essay just to get wait-listed or rejected. “thank you for your response. unfortunately we cannot offer you a spot in our wedding at this time. we wish you the best on your future endeavors. may you get invited to all of your safety weddings. oh and if you still wanna send us our present that’s cool too.”	nta. your sister should have sucked it up and cut the guest list herself. getting people to kinda beg for an invite? tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if less than half end up going lol.	nta. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like “why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. that's 278 words. submit it twice.	nta. this is a truly astounding level of narcissism. she wants you to be there, but she's going to cut you out unless you write her an essay begging to attend? i'm surprised any of her guests are still coming. i can't imagine trying to force people to write formal letters kissing my feet and begging to "make the cut" to attend my wedding, and she's doing this to her family? does she not realize that she's embarrassing herself? and your parents are out of their minds. what the hell are they talking about with this nonsense about being in "big fucking trouble" with your relatives? you're presumably a grown ass person. you don't need to answer to your relatives any more than you need to bow and scrape to aopease your sister's inflated ego. and unless every last one of your relatives is completely insane, they will recognize that your sister is being ridiculous and understand your position.	info: how are you going to be "in big fucking trouble" with your relatives? what could they do?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> yeah i know this sounds insane but i’m living in it. so my sister is getting married next february, destination wedding no less. i have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. as a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to rsvp again. but in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. the gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. people who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. i just feel really insulted by all of this. the questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” and “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” so she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they really want to go. anyways i told her in advance i’m not writing 500 words on why i need to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. this has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. she’s said that to keep things fair if i don’t fill out the rsvp correctly i won’t be saved a spot. i said fine with me. then my parents said if i don’t show up i’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. aita if i stay stubborn on this? i’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. but i will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. aita? [/INST] nta. i would definitely send in two essays. the first would say “mom/dad said i have to come or i’m in big trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. the second, “i’m your sibling.” </s>
AITA for absolutely despising my physically disabled brother?	when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7. my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years. over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years. a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left. i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita?	11,764	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gz51bm/aita_for_absolutely_despising_my_physically/	2020-06-08 18:36:37	yta. sorry, but he is a dead man rolling.n he may be spoiled, but so apparently are you. everyone over 18 pays for their accommodations somehow. the only payment you are required to do is to be nice to a dying boy, and maybe spend an hour a day with him. cheapest rent i ever heard.	i'm trying to understand how someone could write this and \not\ think they're the asshole. i can only guess that it's either fake, or real and deep down you want to be told you're the asshole you are. your brother is dying. he wants to spend time with you. you don't have to, and it's understandable that you had to go through a massive change in family dynamics where you got the short end of the stick. but how many people still complain about getting the short end after having 7 years to adjust? you don't have to like him, and you can understandably wish you had more of your parents attention, but it's as if an earthquake hit your house 7 years ago and you're still complaining about its effects. accept that you have a brother who's not doing well, and that your parents have shouldered the weight of that for many years. you don't have to like it, but you don't get to mistreat your brother over it either. let's say you got someone pregnant and had a new, disabled kid in your own life. how would you feel? how would you deal with it? because that's what your parents are going through. have some empathy for them. they asked you for a simple favor, watch your brother while your mom goes to the freakin' bathroom, and even then you couldn't do that one small thing without being insulting or complaining. i don't know what it will take, but you've really got to get over yourself. you have a very sick brother, and parents who are likely exhausted from taking care of him. you have it better than all of them, and yet still treat yourself like the victim. get the fuck over it, and help your family. if you can't do even that, then at least stop being a drain on them by complaining or being insulting. edit to add: yta. 2nd	yta - not for "not having a relationship" with such a big age gap, but your generally assholish behavior and attitude. you kid brother is significantly disabled, and you're acting like he's this awful, horrible thing. might he be spoiled - maybe, i'm not there, but if he is it's on your parents, not him. but even there, i get your parents wanting to spoil him if he does not have much (quality) time. on your parents: it does not sound like they ask you to do anything unreasonable. "could you please look out for your younger sibling" is a fairly normal request, even for able bodied kids? honestly, i don't get your rage towards this child? sure, maybe you're not a kid person and you have trouble bonding because of the age difference. you don't have to be best pals - but surely you could have some empathy? this: >it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair is downright cruel, as well as flat out teling a 7-year-old that you don't like him.	after all these months of browsing aita this is the post i am uniquely qualified to judge. i have been in a very similar position to you for over 20 years. i'll provide you, u/unacaoimhe, some background so you can understand our similarities and then i'll proceed to the judgement and why. tl;dr at the bottom of post. backstory: when i was just 4 years old my mother had my brother who was born without genetic issues. he was, for all anyone could tell, a normal, healthy baby. at 4 years old i had been very excited to have a younger brother as at the time we lived out in the country with no nearby children to play with; i could not wait for him to get older. several months after his birth he choked on his own spit-up and had to be airlifted to a hospital. unfortunately, the amount of time he was off of oxygen resulted in brain damage to the area of his brain that controlled the five senses and motor functions. the doctors told my mother at the time that if they continued to support him he would grow up a vegetable with no outside stimuli from which to learn and develop his sense of self since he could not even make use of his five senses and would likely have cerebral palsy as well. at the time this was way too much for a 4 year old to comprehend and i just wanted my brother to recover so i could play with him. my mother decided she would not give up on my brother and so they continued to work on him and keep him healthy. medicine at that time was not as advanced as it is today and their assessment of my brother was likely premature as he ended up recovering in all aspects except for a mild form of cerebral palsy. despite his recovery, it was a long road to reach this point and unfortunately for me i had no choice but to partake in it. having a brother who could not fulfill my own selfish wishes and constantly required the care and attention of my parents when i was still in my own developmental stage led to a deep-seated hatred for my brother who had "ruined" my life before i could even go to school. that hatred would continue for many years until recently. my brother's issues (like uncontrollable bowel movements and constantly injuring himself due to a lack of motor control) only exacerbated their already fragile relationship and led to their separation. my parents would then begin a back and forth custody battle that lasted until i was 16. i moved around at least every 2 years. just enough time to make friends, but never enough to keep them. i had nobody to look to but myself and as a result my childhood i feel was robbed of me. during that time my parents lived far enough away that we had to fly as minors and i was expected to watch and take care of a brother (at least that was my view at the time) with all of these issues from the age of 8 to 16. this made me abusive, both physically and emotionally, and i regret it every time i see him now. when i finally left for college i felt the most free i had ever felt in my entire life. i could finally do everything i ever wanted without my brother weighing me down. eventually my brother, who at this point was almost normal, made it into college as well at the time i was graduating. my mother, whom it was no secret to that i had such hatred for him, sent me an email of my brother's college essay on who he admires. i don't know how she got a hold of it, but that doesn't matter. in his essay he wrote about me. how since he was a little kid he had always looked up to me because i could do all the simple things like playing sports and having friends that wouldn't make fun of me, etc. etc. and how he wished he could do that. how his entire inspiration for never giving up and trying to rehabilitate himself from a position that he has never known different was me, despite all of the abuse i put him through. i have never felt such shame and abhorrence for myself until that point. that scenario led me to do serious introspection and i hope i am a better man today because of it. judgement: so as you can see i understand your pain and frustration perhaps better than anybody else here. i have lived with it for most of my life. it wasn't fair for my parents to force these responsibilities on a child, for me to take care of my brother like that, for me to lose out on my childhood in many aspects -- but ultimately it happened anyways and i have to make peace with it and my brother. your parents are certainly assholes for having a kid anyways despite knowing the consequences, but you are most certainly yta because of what you have already done. i plead you to not do what i did for 20 years to my brother. i don't want you or your brother to live with that shame and abuse for the rest of your life. learn to accept him and your situation and treat him with kindness and love -- he surely only wants you to accept him and love him the most because you are the light of his life and his hope to be normal. tl;dr yta for how you treated your brother, even more so than your parents conceiving a child despite the risks.	yta. are you serious? it's not like he chose to be disabled. i understand your frustration at not being the center of attention anymore, but come on! you're 20, he's 7!!!!! you have no right to take out your anger at a 7-year-old boy, regardless if he was disabled or not. if you can't take not getting attention, then move out! also giant yta for the part where you say you're embarrassed for all the equipment around the house so you don't bring friends around. get a grip. i think your friends would understand that the equipment is for your brother and they wouldn't care about it being in your house.	esh except your brother. you suck for treating your brother like any of this is his fault. i understand being resentful, but never once did you think to even discuss anything with your parents. your parents really suck, not only for knowing the risks and going through with the pregnancy anyway, but for neglecting you for the past 7 years.	i just really, really hope you never have a disabled child. or any children, really. like, i'm so very sorry (i'm not) that your parents are facing the deteriorating health of their 7 year old child and it's soooo embarrassing for you to have his medical equipment in the house. what a hardship. for you. 🙄 grow up. move out if you can't handle it. yta.	i really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt but yta. i understand you have a lot of resentment bc you were an only child, and as someone who is not an only child i just can’t empathize with you. i’m sorry your parents don’t give you the love and attention you apparently need but you can not blame that on your brother and tell him straight to his face you don’t like him when all he wants is to have a connection with his sister??? like come on. none of this is his fault. nor your parents. they’re in a tough situation and i completely understand them not wanting to scold him too often since their time is short. you’re 20, if you’re so bothered by him then move out??	not only are yta, but you’re also a major dick. your brother only has so much time left with you, and you’re on the path to filling the rest of his life with resentment. you’re 20 years old, stop acting so fucking childish.	move out. what? not able to take care of yourself? i’ll wait while you connect those dots. yta and your anger is misplaced on your brother.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7. my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years. over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years. a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left. i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> when i was 13, my parents had my younger brother. they only intended on having one child, me, but he was a “happy surprise”. the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn’t want to risk having a boy and him having it. my brother was born and my mom started noticing signs when he was about 2, when he went on to be diagnosed with dmd. i’m now 20, and my brother is 7. my parents have always massively babied him, he has little to no discipline and does whatever he wants, and gets away with it because my parents don’t want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can’t do things he wants to. i’ve never connected with him at all, it’s an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common. as well as that, i went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and i resented him for it during my teenage years. over the past year or so, he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to. he can’t walk and requires a wheelchair, which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine. in all honesty i find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so i rarely bring friends round. he’s already started showing signs of heart deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me. with the rate at which he’s deteriorating, he’s not expected to live past his teenage years. a few nights ago i was doing some work for college. i’m a key worker so i had just got home from a 8 hour shift and was absolutely exhausted. i went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something. my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and i, as a joke, said “it’s not like he can go anywhere, he’s not strong enough to move his own wheelchair” and she told me off and left. i was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him. as i said, we don’t have a relationship and i was trying to do work so i just ignored him. he kept pestering me and eventually said “why do you never spend time with me” and i responded by telling him it was because i didn’t like him. my mom walked back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before saying if i ever spoke to my brother like that again she’d kick me out. i told her it’s not like she’d notice anyway because she never talks to me. we haven’t spoken since and apparently my brother is upset. aita? [/INST] yta. sorry, but he is a dead man rolling.n he may be spoiled, but so apparently are you. everyone over 18 pays for their accommodations somehow. the only payment you are required to do is to be nice to a dying boy, and maybe spend an hour a day with him. cheapest rent i ever heard. </s>
AITA for going on a week long vacation by myself without my wife of 11 years after my cat died?	i'll try to make this short. i'm (38m) and my wife (33f) have been married for 11 years. when we met i had a 7 year old cat that was my bff i had since he was a kitten. he was literally my whole life as cheesy as that sounds. well he lived to be 18 and i had to have him put to sleep last summer before the world shut down. the week after i just couldn't take it. i was so heartbroken and needed time alone i booked a trip to mexico (we live in the usa) and went there for 5 days. i just needed some time alone. i didn't tell my wife until i got there. i acted like i was just going to work for the day, but went to the airport. when i got there i called her and told her where i was. she was really upset i didn't talk to her about my feelings. i just couldn't. i wanted to be alone. it's been almost a year and i still feel bad about it. we don't have kids btw. aita?	3,842	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3y0xe/aita_for_going_on_a_week_long_vacation_by_myself/	2020-04-19 00:11:52	yta you lied to your wife and ran away to a foreign country instead of talking to her. you could have had alone time without lying.	oh yeah. yta. need to be by yourself for 5 days? sure. absolutely. understandable. but you didn’t tell her in advance, basically lied to her by omission? peak ah.	yta. i feel bad for you, especially because i know the pain of losing a beloved animal friend. but, dude, flying to mexico without telling your wife? that's nuts. not because you need permission, but because she's your partner, your friend, the person you are supposed to rely on. if you really can't show her your grief and sadness, then i think you have to wonder how much of yourself you are sharing with her. or whether you're putting on an act for the majority of your life.	yta. grief is understandable. hauling off to a different goddamn country without telling your spouse until you're already there is not.	yta. i’m surprised she didn’t tell you to just stay there and not come home.	so i just lost my cat recently, he was 16.5 years old. i got him when i was 12. i was sobbing for a week prior to and the week after. i did not leave the country and not tell my husband where i'm going. yta big time why can't you rely on your wife for some comfort? why did you just leave her? was she at fault for the cats death?	yta not for needing the same time, but just springing it on her. that's not how marriage is supposed to work.	oh come on. of course yta. you know that. you lied to your spouse and got on a plane to another country. how could you be anything but an asshole?	yta. i'm trying to think of circumstances where it might be acceptable to take off to another country without telling your spouse and i'm coming up empty. especially since you evidently pre-booked this trip by at least a little bit, and then faked going to work. this wasn't some grief-stricken act of spontaneity, you planned it and hid it from her.	yta. if you wanted time alone to grieve, that's fair. lying to your wife - saying you're off to work - and not telling her where you are until you're in a foreign country isn't.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll try to make this short. i'm (38m) and my wife (33f) have been married for 11 years. when we met i had a 7 year old cat that was my bff i had since he was a kitten. he was literally my whole life as cheesy as that sounds. well he lived to be 18 and i had to have him put to sleep last summer before the world shut down. the week after i just couldn't take it. i was so heartbroken and needed time alone i booked a trip to mexico (we live in the usa) and went there for 5 days. i just needed some time alone. i didn't tell my wife until i got there. i acted like i was just going to work for the day, but went to the airport. when i got there i called her and told her where i was. she was really upset i didn't talk to her about my feelings. i just couldn't. i wanted to be alone. it's been almost a year and i still feel bad about it. we don't have kids btw. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'll try to make this short. i'm (38m) and my wife (33f) have been married for 11 years. when we met i had a 7 year old cat that was my bff i had since he was a kitten. he was literally my whole life as cheesy as that sounds. well he lived to be 18 and i had to have him put to sleep last summer before the world shut down. the week after i just couldn't take it. i was so heartbroken and needed time alone i booked a trip to mexico (we live in the usa) and went there for 5 days. i just needed some time alone. i didn't tell my wife until i got there. i acted like i was just going to work for the day, but went to the airport. when i got there i called her and told her where i was. she was really upset i didn't talk to her about my feelings. i just couldn't. i wanted to be alone. it's been almost a year and i still feel bad about it. we don't have kids btw. aita? [/INST] yta you lied to your wife and ran away to a foreign country instead of talking to her. you could have had alone time without lying. </s>
AITA for asking my wife to stop bringing her autistic friend over so much	2 years ago my wife got talking to a woman online in a random facebook group. they both noticed they had the same breed of dog and got talking. turns out we live 30 mins from her. i didn't think anything of it but after 6 months they decided to meet up. by this point my wife knew her friend was autistic and her friend said she'd have to bring her mum with her to meet up until she felt more comfortable. i didn't think anything of the fact she was autistic and thought they wouldn't meet up again. i was wrong. since then they meet up at least once a week and at least four times a month she comes to our house. when i first met her it felt like she didn't like me as she wouldn't laugh at jokes, avoided eye contact and just seemed distant. i told my wife this after her friend had left and she basically said 'well duh she's autistic, go read up on it'. i thought things would get better as time went on but it hasn't. i feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house and i honestly don't see what my wife sees in her as a friend. when they go out together everything has to be preplanned days in advanced, my wife calls ahead to restraunts to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her friend to doctors appointments. when i hear them laughing it's usually at something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at. all i want is my house back. i work hard and want to come home and relax at the end of the day but she's often here until 10pm on the days that she's over and even worse she sleeps over occasionally. i've asked my wife for them to meet at her friends house instead but apparently her friend isn't comfortable with anyone but her mum in her home yet she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to make herself at home in my home. my wife said she's getting sick of my complaining and i should just go out for a bit or to my parents house on those days if it's such a big deal	4,404	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6727h/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_stop_bringing_her/	2020-08-08 21:20:14	yta it sounds like your wife has a perfectly normal friendship and you’re just annoyed at the minor inconveniences it causes you	yta. you're ignoring the fact that your wife does want to be friends with this person. your dislike is largely based on how offputting your find the symptoms of autism. you're taking it personally that she's avoiding eye contact and seeming distant. that's kind of like taking it personally that a person in a wheelchair won't stand up for you or that a person from another country has an accent that you find offputting. if you're uncomfortable with the amount of time your wife is having friends over or you don't like having other people sleep over, that's something to discuss with your wife. but you need to do it from the point of view that she's allowed to have friends and that you're not against her friendship and you want her needs to be met as well as yours. you can discuss these issues with your wife, but you need to drop the part where you don't like her friend for such stupid reasons. also, your wife is right, you should probably read up on autism.	as an autistic person myself, yta it sounds like you didn't read into it at all >when they go out together everything has to be preplanned days in advanced, my wife calls ahead to restraunts to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her friend to doctors appointments. when i hear them laughing it's usually at something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at. so she excibits signs of being autistic and requires some different things compared to not autistic people? like idk what you want to hear, if she is autistic or not you're asking your wife not to hang out with her friend. that's an asshole move	yta your wife honestly sounds like a wonderful person and anybody would be lucky to have her as a friend. it's not like they're hanging out every seconds day, it's 4 days a month. go for a walk or something. you sound pretty self centered to be honest and i think you should start trying follow your wife's good example, you'll be a better person because of it.	yta. this woman is your wife's friend. she's a little different, but she's not rude, dangerous, or otherwise objectionable in character. your wife likes her, and has her over a few times a month because they can't go other places easily. try a little empathy, for your wife and her friend. and if you can't do that, then your wife's suggestions are perfectly reasonable. get over yourself.	yta ok, think about it from this pov. your wife, as you say, spent a good 6 months talking to this woman before meeting her and on the first visit, she brought a chaperone, ie a parent. you’ve appeared from nowhere, unannounced, with no preamble (as far as the autistic friend is concerned) and you’re worried about her not making eye contact with you. i need you to understand that you are a threat to this person because you are an unknown. i want to thank you for trying conversation with her and i also want you to know that she was busting her ass to give you one word answers. in your extrovert world that means you’re being dismissed. for an autistic person it means the complete opposite. she as trying so hard. she was doing something called masking at that point i bet. the mental fatigue in doing that alone is incredible (please look that up). if you’d like to get to know her better and stop the tense atmosphere, could i please suggest that you friend her on facebook or whatever other social media platform, take note of what she’s interested it, try and find some common ground and then most importantly, message her on those platforms about it and talk to her in writing. once she’s made a connection with you just like she had your wife, then the in person visits will be much better. nothing tires out and scares an introvert or an autistic person (or someone with both) than an over enthusiastic frustrated extrovert.	yta. the only reason you dislike this woman is because her autism annoys you. and you know what? that’s fine. you don’t have to like someone just because they have a disability. what’s not fine is that you judge your wife for being friends with her! you almost sound like you think this woman isnt worthy of being friends. you have no right to be so critical of their friendship, and that is what makes you an ah. your wife’s friend is over once a week. why don’t you hang out with your own friends when she’s over and stop being so self centered? and, as everyone has stated, read up on autism. it might make you more kind as a person.	yta. its also your wifes house and she can have her friend over if she wants. you can just go to another room if you dont like her friend.	yta for everything in your post except wanting to have a safe space to come home too. so info: do you feel unsafe and unwelcome and unloved in your house when the friend is there? or is it just mildly uncomfortable because someone else is in your living space that you don't have a relationship with? are you jealous of the time and effort your wife puts into planning things with her friend?	nah, it comes down to communication. your wife is being a great human and friend. but maybe instead of 10pm, you can both discuss and put a curfew on it since it is your house too. and the day that she comes over, maybe you can invite your friend over too, or go out for a bit with them. you can't really tell your wife what to do in her house, just like she can't tell you. compromise, my friend.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	0.010125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 2 years ago my wife got talking to a woman online in a random facebook group. they both noticed they had the same breed of dog and got talking. turns out we live 30 mins from her. i didn't think anything of it but after 6 months they decided to meet up. by this point my wife knew her friend was autistic and her friend said she'd have to bring her mum with her to meet up until she felt more comfortable. i didn't think anything of the fact she was autistic and thought they wouldn't meet up again. i was wrong. since then they meet up at least once a week and at least four times a month she comes to our house. when i first met her it felt like she didn't like me as she wouldn't laugh at jokes, avoided eye contact and just seemed distant. i told my wife this after her friend had left and she basically said 'well duh she's autistic, go read up on it'. i thought things would get better as time went on but it hasn't. i feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house and i honestly don't see what my wife sees in her as a friend. when they go out together everything has to be preplanned days in advanced, my wife calls ahead to restraunts to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her friend to doctors appointments. when i hear them laughing it's usually at something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at. all i want is my house back. i work hard and want to come home and relax at the end of the day but she's often here until 10pm on the days that she's over and even worse she sleeps over occasionally. i've asked my wife for them to meet at her friends house instead but apparently her friend isn't comfortable with anyone but her mum in her home yet she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to make herself at home in my home. my wife said she's getting sick of my complaining and i should just go out for a bit or to my parents house on those days if it's such a big deal	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> 2 years ago my wife got talking to a woman online in a random facebook group. they both noticed they had the same breed of dog and got talking. turns out we live 30 mins from her. i didn't think anything of it but after 6 months they decided to meet up. by this point my wife knew her friend was autistic and her friend said she'd have to bring her mum with her to meet up until she felt more comfortable. i didn't think anything of the fact she was autistic and thought they wouldn't meet up again. i was wrong. since then they meet up at least once a week and at least four times a month she comes to our house. when i first met her it felt like she didn't like me as she wouldn't laugh at jokes, avoided eye contact and just seemed distant. i told my wife this after her friend had left and she basically said 'well duh she's autistic, go read up on it'. i thought things would get better as time went on but it hasn't. i feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house and i honestly don't see what my wife sees in her as a friend. when they go out together everything has to be preplanned days in advanced, my wife calls ahead to restraunts to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her friend to doctors appointments. when i hear them laughing it's usually at something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at. all i want is my house back. i work hard and want to come home and relax at the end of the day but she's often here until 10pm on the days that she's over and even worse she sleeps over occasionally. i've asked my wife for them to meet at her friends house instead but apparently her friend isn't comfortable with anyone but her mum in her home yet she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to make herself at home in my home. my wife said she's getting sick of my complaining and i should just go out for a bit or to my parents house on those days if it's such a big deal [/INST] yta it sounds like your wife has a perfectly normal friendship and you’re just annoyed at the minor inconveniences it causes you </s>
AITA for being mad at my husband for not giving our daughter the same/similar gift he gave our sons?	my husband and i have three children together; two boys and a girl. our sons are 20 and 18 and our daughter is 16. like many others, my husband and i have been working for home which has given us a chance to all be together as a family. my husband is usually away a lot for work so we've never had the much time being all together. this past year has brought our family together more than anything else could. the other day my husband sat down with our sons and started telling them a story about him growing up and spending time with family. he said he heard something in a song that he thought was a good idea. he gifted them both pretty expensive watches saying to not think of the monetary value but to remind them to spend time where it matters. money isn't a big issue for us but this has a price tag that'd i'd like to know in advance. later that day our daughter came to me and said she was upset that he did that for them but nothing for her, he didn't even call her just to listen to him. i thought the same so i went to talk to my husband. i asked him why he didn't have anything for her. he said she's too young and it was just something for the boys but when i asked if he would do something similar for her when she was older, he said he probably wouldn't stating that it wouldn't hold the same value anymore. i got mad when he said that. i feel like it was pretty disrespectful to say that he would do something for the boys and not our daughter. i told him that he should go apologize her for leaving her out but he refused. i didn't let him slide on the matter and brought it up again later and he told me to leave it alone. we got into an argument about it and i told him that i felt he was being a bit misogynistic and didn't really have a good reason for not doing anything for her or even letting her sit in on the conversation. aita for being so mad about it? &#x200b;	18,294	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kznp6n/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_husband_for_not_giving/	2021-01-18 05:04:29	nta you ought to point out to your husband that from this point forward your daughter may no longer see the value in the time they spend together, considering he thinks less of her than her brothers.	nta yikes. it really says something that his life lesson to your sons was "to spend time where it matters." i guess time spent with his own daughter clearly doesn't matter. good on you to advocate for your daughter when your husband is clearly being misogynistic towards your daughter. i'm very glad she has you on her side. i hope you're able to do something swell for your daughter, she deserves it.	nta. i (f) had three brothers and one year my dad gifted us all these chain type things with words engraved on them, they weren't very girly but he still gave me one and i cherish it to this day. the year was also engraved on it, 2008, i have had it for twelve years and it still holds a special place in my heart. i would have been absolutely devastated if he had left me out of that.	nta that’s so incredibly hurtful. he’s going to regret that some day when she distances herself from him to protect her heart from further hurt. or maybe he only cares about his sons anyway and won’t care. who knows. please make a grand gesture for your daughter and make her feel special.	nta. he is showing blatant favoritism to the boys. it's these sexist ideals that way too many people have these days.	nta. leaving his daughter out of a teachable moment is concerning. glad you stood up for her. his excuse is a weak one if that. the lesson could be morphed into an appropriate gift for your daughter easily.	nta. this is unacceptable. he disrespected both of you. you by not running a large expense by his wife first and his daughter with his blatant favoritism. since he seems to have no issues and not see what he’s done, then he should have no issue with you taking half as much funds and doing something for your daughter.	she's too young? for what? for a good talk about how it's important to spend time with the ones you love or for a watch? because either of them is stupid. i also love how he says not to think of the monetary value but got them expensive watches, wouldn't this message have worked better with cheaper watches?	nta your husband ita, it's so sad when a father doesn't think it's important to have a bond with the daughter	i can see the husband making a post in the future and blabbering on about how important family is to him. “aita for excluding my daughter?” “aita for being upset that my daughter wants nothing to do with my sons or me?” “aita for being upset that my daughter won’t let me see my grandchild?” “aita for being upset my daughter won’t donate a kidney to me?”. nta btw. have a special daughter/mum only talk and session without your sons and let your husband mope over how “unfair” it is.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have three children together; two boys and a girl. our sons are 20 and 18 and our daughter is 16. like many others, my husband and i have been working for home which has given us a chance to all be together as a family. my husband is usually away a lot for work so we've never had the much time being all together. this past year has brought our family together more than anything else could. the other day my husband sat down with our sons and started telling them a story about him growing up and spending time with family. he said he heard something in a song that he thought was a good idea. he gifted them both pretty expensive watches saying to not think of the monetary value but to remind them to spend time where it matters. money isn't a big issue for us but this has a price tag that'd i'd like to know in advance. later that day our daughter came to me and said she was upset that he did that for them but nothing for her, he didn't even call her just to listen to him. i thought the same so i went to talk to my husband. i asked him why he didn't have anything for her. he said she's too young and it was just something for the boys but when i asked if he would do something similar for her when she was older, he said he probably wouldn't stating that it wouldn't hold the same value anymore. i got mad when he said that. i feel like it was pretty disrespectful to say that he would do something for the boys and not our daughter. i told him that he should go apologize her for leaving her out but he refused. i didn't let him slide on the matter and brought it up again later and he told me to leave it alone. we got into an argument about it and i told him that i felt he was being a bit misogynistic and didn't really have a good reason for not doing anything for her or even letting her sit in on the conversation. aita for being so mad about it? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i have three children together; two boys and a girl. our sons are 20 and 18 and our daughter is 16. like many others, my husband and i have been working for home which has given us a chance to all be together as a family. my husband is usually away a lot for work so we've never had the much time being all together. this past year has brought our family together more than anything else could. the other day my husband sat down with our sons and started telling them a story about him growing up and spending time with family. he said he heard something in a song that he thought was a good idea. he gifted them both pretty expensive watches saying to not think of the monetary value but to remind them to spend time where it matters. money isn't a big issue for us but this has a price tag that'd i'd like to know in advance. later that day our daughter came to me and said she was upset that he did that for them but nothing for her, he didn't even call her just to listen to him. i thought the same so i went to talk to my husband. i asked him why he didn't have anything for her. he said she's too young and it was just something for the boys but when i asked if he would do something similar for her when she was older, he said he probably wouldn't stating that it wouldn't hold the same value anymore. i got mad when he said that. i feel like it was pretty disrespectful to say that he would do something for the boys and not our daughter. i told him that he should go apologize her for leaving her out but he refused. i didn't let him slide on the matter and brought it up again later and he told me to leave it alone. we got into an argument about it and i told him that i felt he was being a bit misogynistic and didn't really have a good reason for not doing anything for her or even letting her sit in on the conversation. aita for being so mad about it? &#x200b; [/INST] nta you ought to point out to your husband that from this point forward your daughter may no longer see the value in the time they spend together, considering he thinks less of her than her brothers. </s>

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