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AITA for getting mad at my mum for making my girlfriend sleep on the floor?	throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita?	23,845	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubkw4s/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_mum_for_making_my/	2022-04-25 13:14:23	nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother.	pregnant or not- who makes a guest sleep on floor to "not ruin the couch"? nta	nta, and thank you for standing by your partner! and your mom is a total ah here...who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor when there's other options?? your mom definitely has some sort of grudge that she needs to get over, and quickly.	nta. who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor? for that matter, who makes a guest sleep on the floor!? if the couch gets dirty, just flip the cushions and move on with your life. thank your brother for being the adult in the room, and tell your mom that she's jeapordizing her relationship with you by treating your girlfriend so poorly.	>“it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” i honestly have no idea if this is medically accurate or not because it has genuinely never occurred to me that someone would even consider doing it nta	nta setting aside the discussion about pregnant women sleeping on the floor and whether the mother should have offered a bed your mother was checking on her to make sure she didn't dare "ruin the couch"?! stand up against that now because that treatment is not acceptable whether she's pregnant or not	nta. listen closely. your mom is feeling threatened because there is another woman about to become a mom in the family. this feels like her role is being taken away and will lead to worse behavior. you have to have a zero tolerance policy for this. sit your mom down and tell her that she will always be your mom. also tell her that if she continues to treat your girlfriend this way, it will damage her relationship with you, so she needs to knock it off. good luck, o.p. and be firm in your boundaries.	nta you have to be a massive, massive ah to make a pregnant woman sleep on the floor. wooooow.	can anyone explain to me why this happens so frequently? like, why do moms of sons act all territorial and behave as if they want to have their son's baby? it's so fucking creepy but it's so fucking common... moms of sons, any thoughts?	nta. sleeping on the floor didn’t harm the baby, but it sure as shit probably harmed rose. your mom sounds…mean…	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita? [/INST] nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother. </s>
AITA for telling my sister in law not to add a slab of butter to her hotdogs in front of my 7 year old?	my sister in law call her barb, has a habit of putting butter and mayo on her food. like it’s not uncommon when she eats a white sauce pasta she will add a half a stick of butter to her plate and have it melt in or if she is eating biscuits from popeyes to dip it in melted butter as well. my daughter is now 7 and we don't want her to pick up any unhealthy habits. my husband was making hot dogs and i know barb was going to add butter to her hot dog buns (my husband already adds some and toasts them but again she was going to add a lot more). i pull her to the side and i am like hey barb, do you mind adding the butter to your hot dogs in the kitchen, i don't want emily (my daughter) to start doing it too. she then is like, you are putting your 7 year old daughter on a diet? i am like no, we know that she likes to copy people especially adults and we would rather not have her do that. barb is then like why? so she won't become fat like me! and starts raising her voice. she says that there is nothing wrong with being fat, and that i am giving my daughter an eating disorder by restricting her. she then brings up the fact that she is a nurse, and that she knows more than doctors. and guarantees me the anxiety and depression i am creating by preventing her from eating what she wants is way more harmful than whatever cholesterol a little bit of butter would give her. and that she (emily) should be able to make her own decisions that if she wants to eat hotdogs with butter she can eat hotdogs with butter. i am like barb, if you have kids and want to teach them to do that, that is fine, but please respect my wishes. barb gets angry and confronts my husband, my husband talks to barb, and eventually she just packs some of the food from the grill and leaves. was i wrong here? if my daughter was 10, i wouldn't mind at all but these are crucial ages. and i just asked her to do it in the kitchen, not to not do it at all.	3,657	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbfpv7/aita_for_telling_my_sister_in_law_not_to_add_a/	2022-06-13 16:10:14	yta. it's on you to parent your kid, not on barb. a lot of people have bad habits, it's on you to teach your daughter not to copy each bad habits she sees in other people.	nta nobody told barb not to pile tons of butter on her food. nobody. op politely asked her to do it in the kitchen, so her impressionable child would not start imitating an unhealthy eating habit. that's all it was, it was not a hate mongering tirade against unhealthy, disordered eating. it was a request not to make a display of it in front of a child. i think some of you are deliberately misunderstanding what was written or simply did not read the actual post.	nta you made this request in as polite a way as possible. pulling her aside so as not to embarrass her, suggest buttering it in the kitchen, etc. i think it’s not good to overly restrict kids diets but you are doing no such thing. you’re just trying to model healthy habits	yta - i personally think adding butter to hotdogs is disgusting with mayo being only slightly less disgusting. that being said you don't get to control what, or how, other people eat. it is your job as a parent to control your child's behavior. should the adults in the room not have a beer with their hot dogs to prevent your child from drinking one?	nta— it would be the same as if you didn’t want her to watch someone smoking cigarettes, so she doesn’t think it’s healthy. it isn’t. the adult smoking the cigarette has the choice to do so, but asking them not to in front of your kid isn’t a bad thing. it’s the same with unhealthy eating habits.	yta. what barb does with her own food is her own business. emily is your child and your responsibility, not barbs. so you bring her up to understand the importance of balance when it comes to food, if she understands that she can make better decisions for herself.	esh. your child, even at 7, is going to witness a lot of different eating habits. she most likely already is at school since parents can pack very different lunches for their kids. you don’t have the right to police how other people eat or try to force them to hide themselves. that said, barb did not need to lecture you on the matter either. she should have just politely explained that that is how she likes her food, and that doesn’t mean it is right for a 7 year old.	nta assuming that your description of the conversation is accurate, you did not body shame. you are discouraging unhealthy habits in your daughter, like a good parent should. your sil is going to die of heart failure. sooner, more so than later. that's not an issue of shame or judgement. she is deluding herself over her behavior, and honestly she should probably seek therapy to process what drives her eating habits and why she creates justifications for them instead of seeking to improve them. adding a half stick of butter to your individual plate of food is not healthy, or even generally approaching normalcy. if you saw someone who couldn't stop themselves from taking drugs, you would intervene. if someone in your family was addicted to cigarettes, you might insist that they smoke outside. your sil is slowly killing herself with food. to anyone here that is saying it's her choice to eat how she wants, self harm is almost never a choice, but a symptom of psychological trauma. eating the way this woman does is self harm.	yta. i can just tell that your tone and words were way more condescending than what you’re making out. parent your child into the choices you want her to make, you cannot control the world to suit you.	nta first, nurses do not know more than doctors. that type of thinking needs to stop. second, if she truly is a nurse then she should know that unhealthy eating habits would lead to more than just getting fat. having a heart attack because you arteries are clogged is not a good way to go. third, keep your kid away from her. you're right in that she's an impressionable child that should not be allowed to be near people who do not take their health seriously.	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	NTA	0.866823	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister in law call her barb, has a habit of putting butter and mayo on her food. like it’s not uncommon when she eats a white sauce pasta she will add a half a stick of butter to her plate and have it melt in or if she is eating biscuits from popeyes to dip it in melted butter as well. my daughter is now 7 and we don't want her to pick up any unhealthy habits. my husband was making hot dogs and i know barb was going to add butter to her hot dog buns (my husband already adds some and toasts them but again she was going to add a lot more). i pull her to the side and i am like hey barb, do you mind adding the butter to your hot dogs in the kitchen, i don't want emily (my daughter) to start doing it too. she then is like, you are putting your 7 year old daughter on a diet? i am like no, we know that she likes to copy people especially adults and we would rather not have her do that. barb is then like why? so she won't become fat like me! and starts raising her voice. she says that there is nothing wrong with being fat, and that i am giving my daughter an eating disorder by restricting her. she then brings up the fact that she is a nurse, and that she knows more than doctors. and guarantees me the anxiety and depression i am creating by preventing her from eating what she wants is way more harmful than whatever cholesterol a little bit of butter would give her. and that she (emily) should be able to make her own decisions that if she wants to eat hotdogs with butter she can eat hotdogs with butter. i am like barb, if you have kids and want to teach them to do that, that is fine, but please respect my wishes. barb gets angry and confronts my husband, my husband talks to barb, and eventually she just packs some of the food from the grill and leaves. was i wrong here? if my daughter was 10, i wouldn't mind at all but these are crucial ages. and i just asked her to do it in the kitchen, not to not do it at all.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister in law call her barb, has a habit of putting butter and mayo on her food. like it’s not uncommon when she eats a white sauce pasta she will add a half a stick of butter to her plate and have it melt in or if she is eating biscuits from popeyes to dip it in melted butter as well. my daughter is now 7 and we don't want her to pick up any unhealthy habits. my husband was making hot dogs and i know barb was going to add butter to her hot dog buns (my husband already adds some and toasts them but again she was going to add a lot more). i pull her to the side and i am like hey barb, do you mind adding the butter to your hot dogs in the kitchen, i don't want emily (my daughter) to start doing it too. she then is like, you are putting your 7 year old daughter on a diet? i am like no, we know that she likes to copy people especially adults and we would rather not have her do that. barb is then like why? so she won't become fat like me! and starts raising her voice. she says that there is nothing wrong with being fat, and that i am giving my daughter an eating disorder by restricting her. she then brings up the fact that she is a nurse, and that she knows more than doctors. and guarantees me the anxiety and depression i am creating by preventing her from eating what she wants is way more harmful than whatever cholesterol a little bit of butter would give her. and that she (emily) should be able to make her own decisions that if she wants to eat hotdogs with butter she can eat hotdogs with butter. i am like barb, if you have kids and want to teach them to do that, that is fine, but please respect my wishes. barb gets angry and confronts my husband, my husband talks to barb, and eventually she just packs some of the food from the grill and leaves. was i wrong here? if my daughter was 10, i wouldn't mind at all but these are crucial ages. and i just asked her to do it in the kitchen, not to not do it at all. [/INST] yta. it's on you to parent your kid, not on barb. a lot of people have bad habits, it's on you to teach your daughter not to copy each bad habits she sees in other people. </s>
AITA for demanding my husband to pay back the $6,000 dollars he spent on Golf Clubs?	i'm a nurse and have been working more hours for the past 6 months to be able to save money to fix the ceiling in our house. i've saved up to 8,000 in my account and since my husband hasn't worked since 2020, i'm trying to balance rent and utilities payments. my husband is a golf enthusiast, and so are his friends. only difference is that all his friends are well off and they can afford expensive golfing gear and trips. they mentioned wanting to go on a golfing trip next week and invited my husband but he initially refused. though, he really wanted to go but complained about how his friends bought fancy golfing gear while all he has is old gear. he asked if i could "lend" him $6,000 dollars so he could buy a set of golfing clubs but i refused because $6,000 for a set of clubs is crazy expensive, especially for someone who doesn't work. he got upset and accused me of holding his employment over his head when he couldn't help it. anyway, i thought we were over this argument but i had discovered that he had pulled the $6,000 dollars out of my account and purchased the set behind my back. i went home and exploded on him. he swore he'd return the money once he gets back from his trip but, i told him he had no right to take the money and spend it on a set of clubs while the ceiling needs fixing. he said the ceiling doesn't require $6,000 dollars either but the kids room was affected too. i demanded that he return the set or pay me the 6,000 right there and then. he told me i was being unfair to him and that he's feeling stuck because his friends can afford to buy whatever, while he's being yelled at for wanting something for himself for once. i told him to get a job and buy himself whatever, he tried to tell me he'll pay me when he finds a job which is after he gets back from his trip but i refused. he kept begging me to let him just go on the trip and "we'll" figure it out later but i said no. if it wasn't for something as important as the ceiling, i would've maybe waited but he's saying i'm abusive and controlling of his life.	18,602	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swfq82/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_to_pay_back_the/	2022-02-19 17:54:20	nta. this is a massive red flag. he stole from you. 6k is a lot of money and if he's not working how on earth is he gonna pay you back? the fact that you are working your ass off to repair the ceiling (which is a major need) and he thinks that golf clubs are more urgent than home repairs really shows how childish he is.	nta he is a father with a house that is falling apart. his wants and fun go out the window in the face of his families needs.	nta he stole from you. this wasn't your fun money, this was fix the damn house money! if he wants fancy clubs, he can get off his ass and get a job. i'm furious for you. start taking his name off shit because he can't be trusted	nta. return the clubs and the husband for refunds.	nta. why is he even going on a trip of he isn’t working? he stole from you and is a user. is this really who you want to spend your life with?	uh nta! he stole your money and tried to make you feel guilty about being rightfully angry about what he did. he doesn’t fucking work and stole $6,000 from you to buy golf clubs for crying out loud. he said he’s getting yelled at for “doing something for myself for once” which means going behind my wife’s back who is a nurse and works crazy hours while i sit back and don’t work and steal 6k from her because i’m jealous of all my friend’s success. what a loser.	nta and stick his ass in the doghouse for the duration of his buddies' golf trip. man ~~can't~~ won't get a job, hasn't had one in two years, and wants to spend your money on golf clubs????????? that's not a husband, that's a parasite.	info: what is he doing with his time while unemployed? is he carrying the cleaning and childcare load of a sahp? either way, he is an ah for taking $6000 after being told no, but if he’s being a sahp then you could’ve discussed a more affordable option. if, however, he’s just dossing about then 100% nta!	nta. his “it’s unfair that they can buy whatever” is childish and unreasonable. info: why isn’t he working?	honestly, i’d tell his friends. let them know that those expensive clubs came at the expense of his family, home, and kids. it’s obvious he seems to care more about their opinion than yours. maybe getting his friends to shame him might make him listen to you when his unemployed self spends 6 grand on effing golf equipment. nta btw	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a nurse and have been working more hours for the past 6 months to be able to save money to fix the ceiling in our house. i've saved up to 8,000 in my account and since my husband hasn't worked since 2020, i'm trying to balance rent and utilities payments. my husband is a golf enthusiast, and so are his friends. only difference is that all his friends are well off and they can afford expensive golfing gear and trips. they mentioned wanting to go on a golfing trip next week and invited my husband but he initially refused. though, he really wanted to go but complained about how his friends bought fancy golfing gear while all he has is old gear. he asked if i could "lend" him $6,000 dollars so he could buy a set of golfing clubs but i refused because $6,000 for a set of clubs is crazy expensive, especially for someone who doesn't work. he got upset and accused me of holding his employment over his head when he couldn't help it. anyway, i thought we were over this argument but i had discovered that he had pulled the $6,000 dollars out of my account and purchased the set behind my back. i went home and exploded on him. he swore he'd return the money once he gets back from his trip but, i told him he had no right to take the money and spend it on a set of clubs while the ceiling needs fixing. he said the ceiling doesn't require $6,000 dollars either but the kids room was affected too. i demanded that he return the set or pay me the 6,000 right there and then. he told me i was being unfair to him and that he's feeling stuck because his friends can afford to buy whatever, while he's being yelled at for wanting something for himself for once. i told him to get a job and buy himself whatever, he tried to tell me he'll pay me when he finds a job which is after he gets back from his trip but i refused. he kept begging me to let him just go on the trip and "we'll" figure it out later but i said no. if it wasn't for something as important as the ceiling, i would've maybe waited but he's saying i'm abusive and controlling of his life.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm a nurse and have been working more hours for the past 6 months to be able to save money to fix the ceiling in our house. i've saved up to 8,000 in my account and since my husband hasn't worked since 2020, i'm trying to balance rent and utilities payments. my husband is a golf enthusiast, and so are his friends. only difference is that all his friends are well off and they can afford expensive golfing gear and trips. they mentioned wanting to go on a golfing trip next week and invited my husband but he initially refused. though, he really wanted to go but complained about how his friends bought fancy golfing gear while all he has is old gear. he asked if i could "lend" him $6,000 dollars so he could buy a set of golfing clubs but i refused because $6,000 for a set of clubs is crazy expensive, especially for someone who doesn't work. he got upset and accused me of holding his employment over his head when he couldn't help it. anyway, i thought we were over this argument but i had discovered that he had pulled the $6,000 dollars out of my account and purchased the set behind my back. i went home and exploded on him. he swore he'd return the money once he gets back from his trip but, i told him he had no right to take the money and spend it on a set of clubs while the ceiling needs fixing. he said the ceiling doesn't require $6,000 dollars either but the kids room was affected too. i demanded that he return the set or pay me the 6,000 right there and then. he told me i was being unfair to him and that he's feeling stuck because his friends can afford to buy whatever, while he's being yelled at for wanting something for himself for once. i told him to get a job and buy himself whatever, he tried to tell me he'll pay me when he finds a job which is after he gets back from his trip but i refused. he kept begging me to let him just go on the trip and "we'll" figure it out later but i said no. if it wasn't for something as important as the ceiling, i would've maybe waited but he's saying i'm abusive and controlling of his life. [/INST] nta. this is a massive red flag. he stole from you. 6k is a lot of money and if he's not working how on earth is he gonna pay you back? the fact that you are working your ass off to repair the ceiling (which is a major need) and he thinks that golf clubs are more urgent than home repairs really shows how childish he is. </s>
AITA For not letting my husband go on a postponed bachelor party trip	one of my husband's closest friends got married in a courthouse ceremony last year. they debated postponing their entire ceremony, but decided to just do a courthouse wedding to save money. they threw a smallish reception like party in their backyard to celebrate with friends and family instead. since they also both had to cancel their bachelor/bachelorette parties, they decided to use some of the money they saved from the wedding to go on trips with their friends. my husband's friend decided he wanted to go to vegas. he sent out an email to everyone invited, detailing the trip. his friend would book and pay for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would have to pay for would be airfare and spending cash. when my husband told me about it he was so excited as he's never been to vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense. however, we have 2 young kids at home, a 3-year old and a 6-week newborn. the trip is in 6 weeks and my husband's friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations. i told my husband i don't want him to go because i need his help at home. he pretty much begged me but i did not give in. i do not think i can handle the needs of both kids by myself. neither of us has family nearby, and i'm pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway. the only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away. he offered to pay for her to come stay to help but i told him we can't afford it, which he should know. i was also upset that he thought we had the money to pay for this at all. we have 2 kids, we shouldn't be spending our money on gambling party trips. i pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can't go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it's even an idea worth entertaining. he's still been trying to convince me and come up with ideas that he thinks will make it work, no matter how many times i tell him to stop. i finally snapped at him and told him to drop it because he's not going and there's nothing he can do to convince me otherwise. i told him his priority needs to be his family right now, not going off with friends to blow money on drinks and gambling. he called me a controlling jerk and that i'm depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip. i told him if he went he would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime moments with his kids and that's what he needs to focus on. i told him he just needs to drop and it tell his friend he can't go and be done with it. he told me that he hopes i remember this when there's something that i really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this. he did finally tell his friend he can't go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids. i can't even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am i the asshole here?	5,891	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q2qq5z/aita_for_not_letting_my_husband_go_on_a_postponed/	2021-10-06 18:45:07	yta. sounds like you're dictating terms, not discussing them ... no wonder he's barely speaking to you ... what's the point of dialogue with someone whose mind is already made up, about everything.	you need couples counseling, not reddit's approval. seriously, big stuff here. this is bigger than a trip. having people tell you you're nta isn't going to help the issue.	as someone who single parented kids born 17 months apart, even when they were infants - with zero family support - i feel you, but if it’s not too late i gently urge you to reconsider for the sake of your marriage. you’ll make it through 3 nights, even if it will be damn hard, and he’ll take over when he gets back, eternally grateful to you. no, it isn’t fair that he gets a break while you do double the work and lose twice the sleep. but showing him you can do it and will go through it for him will strengthen your marriage at a time that sounds like you guys are disconnected. it doesn’t really sound like it’s about the money, unless he has a history of irresponsible solo spending? let him go, and expect to be the goddess thereafter.	nta. i see why he wants to go but newborns are hard. both parents, not just the mother, should be fully expected to sacrifice all of thier social events temporarily after having a baby. it's what you sign up for when you choose to impregnate someone. your life is no longer your own. your kids needs come first. and it sounds like the kids needs can't be met at this stage by just one parent. both toddlers and newborns are hard work and sleep is in short supply. the needs of your family,of your children to be cared for,and of your wife to get sleep and be healthy mentally are first over friends. newborns have high needs around the clock. leaving them is unrealistic at this age. you can't just dump off your newborn on the other parent for days because of a once in a life time opportunity to party. when you are a parent you pass those opportunities up because you made that choice when you made a kid. you will be sleep deprived alone with no breaks for 3 days. 12 weeks is way too little to be left for days at a time. if this trip was planned at any other time than a few weeks after childbirth i'd vote different. but dumping all the baby care on your partner to fuck off and party 12 weeks post partum in the most difficult months of a parents life is very selfish and inconsiderate.	info: honesty was any of his other ideas provided you with the help you need and not hurt your two financially? edit till i get a response: leaning to yta, if your partner is attempting to compromise where you aren't being hurt financially and he's able to find you help with the kids than you're not being a partner instead you're being a dictator saying what you says goes.	nta. you made the decision together to have a second child together and he needs to honor the commitment of being a father and supporting his newborn. especially when it's a gambling trip and not like... camping in the woods where there's no possibility of draining away funds on gambling.	yta. you are his wife...not his mom. you are forbidding him? you expect him to stop living? stop spending time with his friends and focus only on his family? the issue is not that you prefer he not go but that you aren't talking to him about it or looking at ways to make it work. you are dismissing his feelings. that is what he will hold onto. the fact he really wanted something and even if it would have ended up not working out, you completely disregarded how he felt about it. it is controlling. remember you only have kids in your day to day life for approximately 18 years but hopefully will have your husband for the rest of your life. his feelings and wants should also be important to you.	something that i haven't seen mentioned here is the fact that vegas is the perfect environment for covid to spread and op has two children too young to be vaccinated. that taken together with childcare and financial restraints are all very legitimate concerns. probably worth having a conversation about how to mitigate the covid risk, find support for childcare, and together decide on a budget for his spending money.	nta if your youngest were a bit older i would understand him wanting to leave but at 6 weeks it should be an all hands on deck thing. at 6 weeks the baby’s schedule is still erratic and all over the place so consecutive sleep for parents will match that, plus the complications of having another toddler running around and also any recovery depending on the birth. not to mention work. so i don’t think it’s controlling to ask your partner to be there during the earliest and most chaotic time of a baby’s life. maybe you should have said it nicer but he should know better than to badger you over it after you said you need help.	nta. when you’re a parent of a newborn you don’t get to take solo vacations spanning 3 days. if it was 1 night, yeah okay, you’re being a butthole, but 3 nights? absolutely not. it’s clear from these comments that most of these people don’t have kids. it’s normal for a 12 week old baby to wake up 2-6 times to feed every night, you’ve lucked out if your kid is getting up twice a night. they need to be fed every 3-4 hours, which means op will need to focus solely on the baby for about 30 mins. what’s the toddler going to do? run wild. a two year old requires a bed time routine, it’s normal for that to take 30-60 minutes. how’s she going to bathe two kids who need constant supervision by herself? how’s she going to cook meals? do laundry? shower herself? ‘but my mother was a single mother’ ‘my auntie had a dead beat husband’ congratulations, your mother/auntie suffered because of shitty men who didn’t parent.	YTA	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	YTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.334749	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of my husband's closest friends got married in a courthouse ceremony last year. they debated postponing their entire ceremony, but decided to just do a courthouse wedding to save money. they threw a smallish reception like party in their backyard to celebrate with friends and family instead. since they also both had to cancel their bachelor/bachelorette parties, they decided to use some of the money they saved from the wedding to go on trips with their friends. my husband's friend decided he wanted to go to vegas. he sent out an email to everyone invited, detailing the trip. his friend would book and pay for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would have to pay for would be airfare and spending cash. when my husband told me about it he was so excited as he's never been to vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense. however, we have 2 young kids at home, a 3-year old and a 6-week newborn. the trip is in 6 weeks and my husband's friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations. i told my husband i don't want him to go because i need his help at home. he pretty much begged me but i did not give in. i do not think i can handle the needs of both kids by myself. neither of us has family nearby, and i'm pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway. the only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away. he offered to pay for her to come stay to help but i told him we can't afford it, which he should know. i was also upset that he thought we had the money to pay for this at all. we have 2 kids, we shouldn't be spending our money on gambling party trips. i pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can't go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it's even an idea worth entertaining. he's still been trying to convince me and come up with ideas that he thinks will make it work, no matter how many times i tell him to stop. i finally snapped at him and told him to drop it because he's not going and there's nothing he can do to convince me otherwise. i told him his priority needs to be his family right now, not going off with friends to blow money on drinks and gambling. he called me a controlling jerk and that i'm depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip. i told him if he went he would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime moments with his kids and that's what he needs to focus on. i told him he just needs to drop and it tell his friend he can't go and be done with it. he told me that he hopes i remember this when there's something that i really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this. he did finally tell his friend he can't go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids. i can't even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> one of my husband's closest friends got married in a courthouse ceremony last year. they debated postponing their entire ceremony, but decided to just do a courthouse wedding to save money. they threw a smallish reception like party in their backyard to celebrate with friends and family instead. since they also both had to cancel their bachelor/bachelorette parties, they decided to use some of the money they saved from the wedding to go on trips with their friends. my husband's friend decided he wanted to go to vegas. he sent out an email to everyone invited, detailing the trip. his friend would book and pay for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would have to pay for would be airfare and spending cash. when my husband told me about it he was so excited as he's never been to vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense. however, we have 2 young kids at home, a 3-year old and a 6-week newborn. the trip is in 6 weeks and my husband's friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations. i told my husband i don't want him to go because i need his help at home. he pretty much begged me but i did not give in. i do not think i can handle the needs of both kids by myself. neither of us has family nearby, and i'm pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway. the only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away. he offered to pay for her to come stay to help but i told him we can't afford it, which he should know. i was also upset that he thought we had the money to pay for this at all. we have 2 kids, we shouldn't be spending our money on gambling party trips. i pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can't go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it's even an idea worth entertaining. he's still been trying to convince me and come up with ideas that he thinks will make it work, no matter how many times i tell him to stop. i finally snapped at him and told him to drop it because he's not going and there's nothing he can do to convince me otherwise. i told him his priority needs to be his family right now, not going off with friends to blow money on drinks and gambling. he called me a controlling jerk and that i'm depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip. i told him if he went he would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime moments with his kids and that's what he needs to focus on. i told him he just needs to drop and it tell his friend he can't go and be done with it. he told me that he hopes i remember this when there's something that i really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this. he did finally tell his friend he can't go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids. i can't even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta. sounds like you're dictating terms, not discussing them ... no wonder he's barely speaking to you ... what's the point of dialogue with someone whose mind is already made up, about everything. </s>
AITA for starting a house project without discussing it with my wife?	my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. aita?	11,001	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whvysq/aita_for_starting_a_house_project_without/	2022-08-06 19:18:27	yta, and this is not just about fixing up a room. this is about your allowing your friend part ownership and control over a place in your house you share with your wife. what were you going to do, give him a key?	yta jfc, not only are you an ah for unilaterally deciding the use of an entire room in your house, but for a level of emotional infidelity with your new bestie. you don't just give access to your house to someone without the consent of your partner. you literally prioritized this third person's artistic hobby over your relationship with your wife. over your wife's expectation to be in her house without a random person there. you thought of this gift, committed money and time to it, and started working on it, without even letting her know?! that's wildly inappropriate. that's serious life entanglement level shit. it's a half step away from allowing to ben to move in. did you even consider boundaries for this dynamic? what if he wanted to invite others over to collaborate, or if he wanted to do drugs while there? are you going to clean the bathroom more often to cover the extra use from another person? is he going to be staying for dinner anytime he's working? that kind of stuff, which all could have been ironed out with your wife. i get this relationship is important to you, but your behavior is seriously out of line. you need to apologize to your wife and step back from this plan. you and your wife can decide together, what you want to do with this space. don't push that ben should be allowed to use it like a studio of his own. that's a super messy idea, practically, emotionally, and literally. oh, and what did you do for your wife's last birthday? hint: if it wasn't something as big and dramatic as converting a room in a house to her hobby, you're even more of an ah. you're weirdly prioritizing this relationship over your wife, and you need a serious reality check.	i’m curious, if this room is a studio for both you and ben, will ben have a house key to use it when he wants? even if he doesn’t have a key, your wife may be uncomfortable with your friend hanging out all the time especially if she is home alone. yta for making this decision without consulting with your wife and listening to any concerns she may have. sounds like you would prefer to spend your free time with ben instead of your wife.	look i'm just going to throw it out there because i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one thinking it. they way you talk about this relationship with ben vs your wife makes it sound like he's more than just a friend. maybe it's on a subconscious level only. - you don't unilaterally decide what to do with a room in a house you share with your wife - it's weird that your first thought is oh, i want to set up this space for me and the friend - it's weird that you view this as some kind of gift to the friend, on top of whatever else you've gotten him - it's weird you want to give a key to the house you share with your wife to the friend without asking her yta	"his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio...." what else are you getting him for his birthday, op, is what i want to know.	yta. you’re married. this should have been a joint decision. why would you not be the ah??	yta you know your wife is invested in wanting to do something with this room, it was hugely disrespectful not to include her in this decision making process. it's also wild that your plans for this toom included a third person who it sounds like she doesn't know very well, but that wasn't worth running by her either. do you have other friends who have free access to your home? or was this going to be a new thing that you surprised her with?	am i the only one that this this guy is in love with his friend?? but either way yta	100% yta. you don't do anything at all for 2 years, even though you and your wife had discussed various uses for the room, but as soon as you get a good buddy, all of a sudden you think you get to decide what to do with the room? for someone else? that they have to come into your home whenever they want to use it? just ... wow.	yta - you are married. you share space. did you not tell her to avoid a conversation? when were you going to tell her ben would be coming over to paint? your behavior seems odd. explain what you want and be open to her input.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife, amy (27f) and i (27m) have a spare room in our home. we’ve gone back and forth since we moved in two+ years ago about what we wanted to do with it, but we never took the initiative to actually implement any of these plans. we already have a sufficient number of guest rooms and an office so the room just sits there, unutilized. i’m not that worried about it, but my wife brings it up now and then. these mentions are just of the unused room itself, not anything concrete she actually wants to use it for. i made a new friend, ben (30m), about eight months ago and it was very much one of those ‘we connected from the first time we spoke to each other’ situations. i’ve actually never had that many close male friends, so this connection is especially important to me. the conversation flowed so easily, we had loads in common. i didn’t think such a huge amount of genuine love and respect for a person could be developed in less than a year, but it’s been very cool to experience that and get to know him. one of the things that we bonded over was a similar love for art and music. ben is way, way more talented than i am when it comes to painting, but it’s something we both enjoy. his birthday is coming up soon and i thought on top of what else i was getting him, i could turn the spare room into something similar to an art studio for us both to use. i already ordered a few things for it and was getting ready to jump into painting the walls when my wife came in and demanded to know what i was doing. i explained that i was finally fixing up the spare room. she said it was unacceptable i had done this without confirming with her that it was okay, but i didn’t think i would need to since it’s been two years and the room has basically never been touched. aita? [/INST] yta, and this is not just about fixing up a room. this is about your allowing your friend part ownership and control over a place in your house you share with your wife. what were you going to do, give him a key? </s>
AITA if I talk to my 18 yo brother about age of consent against my mothers wishes?	my brother is 18. he has a 15 year old girlfriend. age of consent where he lives is 16. they are both in highschool, he is a senior, she is a junior. to my knowledge, he is still a virgin. he does know the basics about sexual health, pregnancy, prevention, and std prevention. another thing my mother and i butt heads about but she gave in on that one. my mother refused to talk to him about the fact that if they were to engage in a sexual relationship, it would be illegal in my home state. she said he is innocent and he's not sexually active. it wasn't necessary. i implored her to change her mind because things can progress very quickly and he needed to know. last night i called my brother and discussed it with him myself. i didnt try to scare him, just gave him facts. he also told me they haven't done anything yet. i told him that if sex was something they are considering, they should wait until after her birthday in 3 months. i told him that sex can happen at their own pace when they are ready. i also mentioned was not for or against him having sex, only that i wanted him to wait until he wouldn't get in trouble. i tried really hard to give a respectful but informative talk. my mother is pissed that i talked to him about it when she told me no. aita for wanting my brother to be informed and safe?	19,206	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ba5eue/aita_if_i_talk_to_my_18_yo_brother_about_age_of/	2019-04-06 15:26:51	nta. it's better that your brother knows than risk getting in trouble if it gets out that they did while she was underage. that kind of thing could ruin his life.	nta your mom is living in a fantasy world. good for you for living in reality and trying to prevent your brother from getting in legal trouble. i’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact your mom refuses to even discuss the facts that could potentially keep her son innocent and free.	nta. not even a little. your brother is 18. if he was 14 or something then i could understand but no your brother is a maturing young man. at this point he is more than allowed to have conversations with you about whatever personal matters either of you want to.	"aita for wanting my brother to be informed and safe?" what do you think &#x200b; yta for using this subreddit to pat yourself on the back	nta - it may have been embarrassing for your brother and mother but you're only trying to save him from breaking the law	info: does your state have romeo and juliet laws?	nta. the time to have this conversation is before anything happens, so you did the right thing.	nta : your mom's refusal to talk to him may have led to his ignorance getting him in trouble.	nta- your mom is nuts to think an 18 year old boy is not thinking about having sex- and it’s important he’s educated on the risks of doing so.	this sub is ruined by people seeking validation for behaving in a way they know is perfectly fine and which will be met with acceptance just so they can get a pat on the back	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0.074074	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother is 18. he has a 15 year old girlfriend. age of consent where he lives is 16. they are both in highschool, he is a senior, she is a junior. to my knowledge, he is still a virgin. he does know the basics about sexual health, pregnancy, prevention, and std prevention. another thing my mother and i butt heads about but she gave in on that one. my mother refused to talk to him about the fact that if they were to engage in a sexual relationship, it would be illegal in my home state. she said he is innocent and he's not sexually active. it wasn't necessary. i implored her to change her mind because things can progress very quickly and he needed to know. last night i called my brother and discussed it with him myself. i didnt try to scare him, just gave him facts. he also told me they haven't done anything yet. i told him that if sex was something they are considering, they should wait until after her birthday in 3 months. i told him that sex can happen at their own pace when they are ready. i also mentioned was not for or against him having sex, only that i wanted him to wait until he wouldn't get in trouble. i tried really hard to give a respectful but informative talk. my mother is pissed that i talked to him about it when she told me no. aita for wanting my brother to be informed and safe?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my brother is 18. he has a 15 year old girlfriend. age of consent where he lives is 16. they are both in highschool, he is a senior, she is a junior. to my knowledge, he is still a virgin. he does know the basics about sexual health, pregnancy, prevention, and std prevention. another thing my mother and i butt heads about but she gave in on that one. my mother refused to talk to him about the fact that if they were to engage in a sexual relationship, it would be illegal in my home state. she said he is innocent and he's not sexually active. it wasn't necessary. i implored her to change her mind because things can progress very quickly and he needed to know. last night i called my brother and discussed it with him myself. i didnt try to scare him, just gave him facts. he also told me they haven't done anything yet. i told him that if sex was something they are considering, they should wait until after her birthday in 3 months. i told him that sex can happen at their own pace when they are ready. i also mentioned was not for or against him having sex, only that i wanted him to wait until he wouldn't get in trouble. i tried really hard to give a respectful but informative talk. my mother is pissed that i talked to him about it when she told me no. aita for wanting my brother to be informed and safe? [/INST] nta. it's better that your brother knows than risk getting in trouble if it gets out that they did while she was underage. that kind of thing could ruin his life. </s>
AITA for threatening to leave my daughter's wedding because of her rules?	my (48m) daughter's (26f) wedding was yesterday. she moved back to our home state of utah with her fiance after living in boston for college and dental school. she does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28m) company transferred him here. she knows that in our area, families run large. she is one of three kids only because my wife (47f) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. when she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters. for couples with small kids on her list she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding. that caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. my daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more. my daughter's younger sister " ashley" (24f) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband's brother and his wife to this wedding too. ashley's brother in law (41m) and his wife (33f) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. when they rsvp'd they indicated they'd only be bringing their 8 year old daughter. i know ashley's husband's brother well as he funded my brother's new business and employs ashley's husband ( my son in law) in a job that allows ashley and him to be full time parents to their kids. however, that side of the family took a while to warm up to ashley as they are wary to newcomers. so the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they rsvp'd for and then ashley's bil arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. the nanny they have for their kids is not there. my daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too. an argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn't want to leave their kids for. i look over and ashley is getting upset and her bil and sil won't budge. the toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and i finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we'd be here forever. she asked why i was taking their side and i finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because i was done with her rules and leaving. my daughter says " really dad? way to take sides!" she then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future fil. she ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. aita? i was afraid that this would become this standoff and ashley would face ire from her in laws.	7,136	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yb1yqn/aita_for_threatening_to_leave_my_daughters/	2022-10-22 23:30:19	yta she didn't want small children at her wedding. you chose to side against her and try to force the issue. you're in the wrong.	yta x 10000 child free weddings exist for a reason. the children, especially toddlers, get restless and annoying. you decided to side against her on her wedding rules. you wanted to force her to allow kids there this is not your wedding. did you read your post?	yta - you clearly have a favourite and it's not the nameless daughter that just got married. father of the year, way to ruin your daughter's special day and probably your relationship with her and her side of the family. how do you think all the other people felt when they saw 4 toddlers walking in after being told they couldn't bring their own?! hope kissing ashley's in-laws family's ass was worth it. that's clearly everything you seem to care about.	yta. i constantly read about unreasonable brides. your daughter is so accommodating she allowed your other daughter’s in-laws to come. the in-laws said they’d bring one child but brought five. your unnamed daughter, the bride, must be a saint. i understand her hesitancy to return to utah.	yta. and holy mormon nepotism and entitlement and manipulation. why the hell does she have to invite in-laws of in-laws. this is one thing so damn messed up about mormons. her wedding, her rules. but, no! you have to curry favors for all the freaking mormon ass-grabbing and nepotism. (i grew up in a mormon state and i still shake my head at how incestuous like these business deals are).	yta &#x200b; as the mother of 12 children, ten living & 2 in heaven i wrote out everything i was thinking but realized it was so long no one would read it. so. just the bare bones. shame on you. in your post mention ashley nine times and never once the bride's name. you forced your condemnation onto the bride & force her to invite people she didn't want purely because you kneel to them over money. you never once stood up for your daughter the bride with no name. not once. since you've not replied to anyone i'm confident you did not pay for this wedding yet you felt you had the right to throw a full on temper tantrum over your profitable guests being allowed to insult everyone by breaking good manners and bringing seven instead of the three people they rsvped. you sir, you ruined your daughter's wedding. shame on you. everything sad, bad or hurtful done was done by and because of you. you mentioned your daughter wasn't happy to be back in utah, well why should she be? i don't think it's utah she dislikes. i believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore. at the risk of getting in trouble i'm just going to be as church lady blunt as i know how.....you have not once defended your daughter. you're called by god and the church of lds to be her fortress, her defender, her advocate on earth and all you've been here is her nemesis. frankly you've dishonored your daughter, your new son in law, your wife and your god. shame on you. i'll be praying for you to repent, receive forgiveness and then go on bent knee to ask your daughter for forgiveness. i just weep for the bride with no name.	yta. its so clear you have a favourite daughter by the way. ashley is an ah for begging for an invite for her in-laws which is incredibly rude. if your daughter had wanted to invite them then they would have had an invitation in the first place. the in-laws are an ah for rocking up at a wedding with their entire brood that were not invited in the first place because they wanted to be in wedding pictures. you're the ah for just letting everyone steamroll your daughter on her wedding day and telling her to just let them in. then an even bigger ah for telling her to cancel the wedding. then at the end of all of this you are mostly worried about ashley facing any backlash from her in laws?! if i were your daughter i wouldn't have let any of you in and walked down the aisle alone.	yta just because the mormon people in utah refuse to use birth control, doesnt mean people have to accommodate all their kids at their wedding. you made her invite her sisters husbands brother and they just showed up with sll of them cause they lied you were disrespectful and i feel bad for your daughter. she should have stayed in boston.	yta as is the family that brought the additional kids \- she made this rule clear before hand \- the family rsvpd for 1 child and hence agreed to just bring that 1 child \- they brought all children and broke that rule \- you then sided with the people breaking the rules	you really have to ask? yta even if you paid for 100% of the wedding, 1. the people with the horde of kids aren’t the bride’s family 2. the bride was clear about who was invited and this didn’t include kids under 4 3. it seems like the bride has dropped the utah “ideology” when she left utah. that doesn’t make her wrong. 4. you chose to take the side of someone not blood related (who was also clearly in the wrong) over your own daughter on her wedding day. seriously?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (48m) daughter's (26f) wedding was yesterday. she moved back to our home state of utah with her fiance after living in boston for college and dental school. she does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28m) company transferred him here. she knows that in our area, families run large. she is one of three kids only because my wife (47f) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. when she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters. for couples with small kids on her list she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding. that caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. my daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more. my daughter's younger sister " ashley" (24f) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband's brother and his wife to this wedding too. ashley's brother in law (41m) and his wife (33f) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. when they rsvp'd they indicated they'd only be bringing their 8 year old daughter. i know ashley's husband's brother well as he funded my brother's new business and employs ashley's husband ( my son in law) in a job that allows ashley and him to be full time parents to their kids. however, that side of the family took a while to warm up to ashley as they are wary to newcomers. so the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they rsvp'd for and then ashley's bil arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. the nanny they have for their kids is not there. my daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too. an argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn't want to leave their kids for. i look over and ashley is getting upset and her bil and sil won't budge. the toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and i finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we'd be here forever. she asked why i was taking their side and i finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because i was done with her rules and leaving. my daughter says " really dad? way to take sides!" she then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future fil. she ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. aita? i was afraid that this would become this standoff and ashley would face ire from her in laws.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (48m) daughter's (26f) wedding was yesterday. she moved back to our home state of utah with her fiance after living in boston for college and dental school. she does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28m) company transferred him here. she knows that in our area, families run large. she is one of three kids only because my wife (47f) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. when she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters. for couples with small kids on her list she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding. that caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. my daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more. my daughter's younger sister " ashley" (24f) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband's brother and his wife to this wedding too. ashley's brother in law (41m) and his wife (33f) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. when they rsvp'd they indicated they'd only be bringing their 8 year old daughter. i know ashley's husband's brother well as he funded my brother's new business and employs ashley's husband ( my son in law) in a job that allows ashley and him to be full time parents to their kids. however, that side of the family took a while to warm up to ashley as they are wary to newcomers. so the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they rsvp'd for and then ashley's bil arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. the nanny they have for their kids is not there. my daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too. an argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn't want to leave their kids for. i look over and ashley is getting upset and her bil and sil won't budge. the toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and i finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we'd be here forever. she asked why i was taking their side and i finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because i was done with her rules and leaving. my daughter says " really dad? way to take sides!" she then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future fil. she ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. aita? i was afraid that this would become this standoff and ashley would face ire from her in laws. [/INST] yta she didn't want small children at her wedding. you chose to side against her and try to force the issue. you're in the wrong. </s>
AITA for calling the police on my daughter to teach her a lesson about stealing?	my daughter is in the sixth grade. every morning, i have her take a couple of dollars out of my wallet for lunch money. in the last few weeks, several times i have noticed that i am missing a little bit more money than usual. so, this week, i planted a 20 dollar bill before my daughter took her lunch money out. sure enough, she took it. i called the police and asked them to come with me to the school so that we could teach my daughter a lesson. two officers met me there and we pulled my daughter out of class, after which she informed one of the officers that there has been a bully who is stealing her lunch money/forcing my daughter to buy her lunch. she also has been buying lunch for one of her friends who can not afford it. this was confirmed by both the bully, and the friend. my daughter was silent on the way home and i informed her that i was just trying to teach her a lesson, that stealing is wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. and that in the future she needs to speak to myself or her mother if there are issues at school and we would be happy to help her resolve them. when we got home, my wife absolutely lost her shit on me, in full tears, telling me that this is a one way ticket to estrangement from our daughter in the future and that we should have just asked her why she was stealing money. she would have just lied about stealing in the first place so i really don’t understand what her idea of a solution is. my daughter apparently told my wife that she is terrified that her bully will now retaliate, and also that she may have lost her friend for bringing so much attention to her financial issue. she apologized for stealing and said she just didn’t want us to intervene. i am wondering if i really did the wrong thing here. aita?	3,822	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8dvqe/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_daughter_to/	2020-02-23 18:56:15	yta humiliating your daughter without talking to her and wasting the time of police officers on top.	yta and your daughter will never trust or respect you again, she knows she can't. you should have talked to her about it first instead of calling the police and embarrassing her in front of the entire school	yta. jesus you just involved the cops instead of being an actual parent by sitting down to talk with them.	yta for humiliating your daughter before even talking to her about the issue, like a decent parent would.	yta. you didn't even give your daughter a chance to lie. but you did humiliate her at school, in front of her peers. and shes right, there is a good chance her bully will retaliate. if this is all she's done wrong, this was a huge over reaction imo. no, stealing is not okay, but you didn't even try to have a conversation about it before bringing police to her school. and now, any time something goes missing in her class, she will probably be the first one to get blamed by her peers.	yta. as a parent myself, i say do your fucking job and parent your child. don't ask the cops to do it for you. what the actual fuck where you thinking? or maybe you weren't thinking? and what makes you think it's okay to carry out such an asinine punishment without consulting your wife? yes, if it's not perfectly crystal clear at this point, you are 100% in the wrong. your daughter deserves an apology, her friend deserves an apology, your wife deserves an apology for you going rogue, and your community deserves an apology for you wasting their tax dollars.	yta not only did you ruin your daughter's trust towards authorities, you ruined her trust towards you. a good, loving parent would give their child a benefit of a doubt and talk to the child first. not set up a trap and go over the top to humiliate them in front of their schoolmates. jesús what's wrong with you?!	yta. epically. first, you didn’t even bother to attempt a conversation with her first. you didn’t even entertain the possibility that there was a reason for her stealing money. wtf did you think she was hoarding cash for, heroine? so now she has to deal not only with a bully, but with the result of you humiliating her in public in front of her entire school. the thing you should really be concerned with right now is: 1) how do you earn her trust back-and let me tell you, i don’t think your relationship with her will ever be the same after this; 2) seriously ask yourself why she resorted to stealing cash from you instead of coming to you for help with this. i was bullied as a kid, relentlessly, and i felt isolated and ashamed. my parents kept me fed and clothed, but gave not one iota of a shit for my emotional well being, and i was abused and neglected at home on top of being bullied at school. that is why i did not even attempt to tell my parents or ask them for help. what is going on in you home that made your daughter feel like she couldn’t come to you for help? if this is your approach to parenting-immediately jump to the worst conclusion and move forward with the most humiliating and damaging punishment you can think of to “teach her a lesson” before you even try to establish a dialogue with her or try to understand the reasons behind her behavior-you have so much work to do. she will never, ever forget this.	yta - your daughter is in sixth grade and you thought calling the cops to “teach her a lesson” was a good idea? “she would have lied about the stealing anyways” then create an environment for her in which she doesn’t feel the need to lie to you. seriously calling the police on her and making the officers pull her out of class in front of everyone is not going to help her feel comfortable enough to talk to you about any problem she experiences.	yta, and oh my god i cannot even fathom that you took this nuclear approach without even consulting your partner. police involvement could have escalated to a juvenile record or violence, this isn’t andy goddamn griffith.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is in the sixth grade. every morning, i have her take a couple of dollars out of my wallet for lunch money. in the last few weeks, several times i have noticed that i am missing a little bit more money than usual. so, this week, i planted a 20 dollar bill before my daughter took her lunch money out. sure enough, she took it. i called the police and asked them to come with me to the school so that we could teach my daughter a lesson. two officers met me there and we pulled my daughter out of class, after which she informed one of the officers that there has been a bully who is stealing her lunch money/forcing my daughter to buy her lunch. she also has been buying lunch for one of her friends who can not afford it. this was confirmed by both the bully, and the friend. my daughter was silent on the way home and i informed her that i was just trying to teach her a lesson, that stealing is wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. and that in the future she needs to speak to myself or her mother if there are issues at school and we would be happy to help her resolve them. when we got home, my wife absolutely lost her shit on me, in full tears, telling me that this is a one way ticket to estrangement from our daughter in the future and that we should have just asked her why she was stealing money. she would have just lied about stealing in the first place so i really don’t understand what her idea of a solution is. my daughter apparently told my wife that she is terrified that her bully will now retaliate, and also that she may have lost her friend for bringing so much attention to her financial issue. she apologized for stealing and said she just didn’t want us to intervene. i am wondering if i really did the wrong thing here. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter is in the sixth grade. every morning, i have her take a couple of dollars out of my wallet for lunch money. in the last few weeks, several times i have noticed that i am missing a little bit more money than usual. so, this week, i planted a 20 dollar bill before my daughter took her lunch money out. sure enough, she took it. i called the police and asked them to come with me to the school so that we could teach my daughter a lesson. two officers met me there and we pulled my daughter out of class, after which she informed one of the officers that there has been a bully who is stealing her lunch money/forcing my daughter to buy her lunch. she also has been buying lunch for one of her friends who can not afford it. this was confirmed by both the bully, and the friend. my daughter was silent on the way home and i informed her that i was just trying to teach her a lesson, that stealing is wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. and that in the future she needs to speak to myself or her mother if there are issues at school and we would be happy to help her resolve them. when we got home, my wife absolutely lost her shit on me, in full tears, telling me that this is a one way ticket to estrangement from our daughter in the future and that we should have just asked her why she was stealing money. she would have just lied about stealing in the first place so i really don’t understand what her idea of a solution is. my daughter apparently told my wife that she is terrified that her bully will now retaliate, and also that she may have lost her friend for bringing so much attention to her financial issue. she apologized for stealing and said she just didn’t want us to intervene. i am wondering if i really did the wrong thing here. aita? [/INST] yta humiliating your daughter without talking to her and wasting the time of police officers on top. </s>
AITA for telling my daughter she can't come over for the holidays if she brings her partners?	my daughter moved away 2 years ago to attend university. since starting school she has gone through many changes as a person - many of which i find difficult to get behind. she's rejected and mocked our faith, rebranded her entire indentity, and now lives in some kind of threesome situation. we've argued and fought over many things repeatedly over these past couple years. when the lockdown began - it gave ample opportunity to give space between us as she didn't visit at all for the summer or even this thanksgiving. our interactions have broken down to the occasional phone call and overall the seperation has helped us be more amicable. i've accepted her new hobbies and dress i use the pronouns she prefers when speaking to her. that being said, my husband and my younger daughter are really admit about having her stay over during christmas break this year. they miss seeing and has spent the past couple weeks trying to convince me to allow her to come. i'm extremly wary to have her come as things have gotten better mostly because we've been so apart. regardless, i relented and decided to invite her. in my last call with her, i asked her to come over for the holidays. she was being hesitant in giving me a straight answer but ultimately said alright. she however wanted to bring her partners with her. i flatly told her that i wouldn't allow that. she tried to argue her side but i honestly was not willing to shake my stance. i told her if she wanted to come for the holidays she would have to come alone. she told me wasn't coming, and that was it. my husband has tried to get me to call her back but i haven't done so so far. i do not want to invite attention that lifestyle to my younger daughter, and frankly i think it's wierd for her to be dating two people at once. still my family won't stop prodding me about this - which is starting to affect the way i feel about how i handeled the situation.	3,780	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k76jwn/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_cant_come_over/	2020-12-05 12:20:57	yta. why, if your husband and younger daughter want your older daughter to stay for the holidays, do you think that you and you alone should get to make that call? you are being very selfish. as for your concerns about your younger daughter seeing her sister's relationship, i would be more concerned about the risk of harm you could cause her by showing her that your love is conditional.	yta. if it was for wanting to reduce the risk of getting covid and not because you "dont want to expose your youngest daughter to that lifestyle" then maybe the answer would be a little different.... and if the child you're referring to in this post doesn't use she/hers pronouns, why are you using them here?	so you strictly speaking have the right to refuse entry into your home to anyone for any kind of reason. however rejecting your child's romantic partners on the basis of there being two of them makes you ta what pronouns does your child use? you refer to then as your daughter here, and use she/her, but also say that you only use the preferrer pronoun when speaking to them - this also makes you hugely ta you also seem to have some issue with the way your adult child dresses, this is none of your business. in short - yta you're destroying your relationship with your kid.	>i've accepted her new hobbies and dress i use the pronouns she prefers when speaking to her. but not when talking about her to other people, right? because you don’t actually accept her, you’ll just say what you have to in front of her as to not have a fight with your family.	yta. let's start before your debate bait about polyamorous relationships. you clearly haven't accepted your child like you claim you have. if you've reached a point of, "i love my child, but only if they're nowhere near me" and you had to be begged by her father and sister for weeks to even let just them visit for christmas because you don't want them there, they your relationship with your child hasn't improved and you don't love or accept them at all, you've just found a way to reject them from your life, keep them out of the family, and ignore everything about who they is as a person while still being able to claim you're mending the relationship and pat yourself on the back for it. as for the situation with the partners, you are also ta there. your child's father wants to see them. their sister wants to see them. but you have unilaterally decided, apparently against the wishes of your co-parent, that their relationship must bar them from the family because of your judgment about it. it's not surprising that they're not coming. it seems the only people in their life who have an actual relationship with them are their partners why would they want to spend their holiday away from people who care for and accept them in favor of a mother who doesn't? you have made that decision for everyone. you are sabotaging your child's relationship with their father and sister by acting as the gatekeeper to the family. which just makes you controlling, a disrespectful partner and co-parent to your husband, and an overall selfish human being.	yta and bigot	edited to change all “she” pronouns to they. that was my instinct too but second guessed it. you use the right pronouns when speaking to “her” so i’m assuming the she/her ones you are using here are not the pronouns your daughter identifies with... you’ve “accepted” their new hobbies and dress?? they (i really hate knowing i’m using the wrong pronouns here but don’t know their preference) lives in a “threesome” you say as if the concept of being polyamorous hasn’t been explained to you. and somehow you can use reddit but can’t figure out how to use google or youtube to get some more insight on that relationship style. so. your daughter is poly, trans (hence pronouns) and i’m guessing then also queer. they left the oppression of your religion which told them for their whole life that who they were and how they felt were sins and wrong and they found them self, their confidence and they’re finally happy. but you call that “rebranding” like it’s all just choices they’ll change their mind on later. you’re a bigot and yta. how about you let your husband and other daughter have a relationship with the person they love and get to meet their life partners while you stay away for christmas.	yta this would be a completely different conversation if they accepted your religion and chose a nice young man who also accepted it. things change, people change, this is always who they has been but was probably to scared to show it because of how you are honestly if you can’t accept them for who they are consider this your funeral. is this really the hill to die on?	yta this is how you lose your kids forever. i’m gay, my dad hates my wife, i haven’t spoken to him in a year and a half and i don’t plan to ever again. your child is who they are. you can’t change them. so you can love them for who they are or be a bad mom. 🤷🏻 your choice. edited to correct pronouns. you’re also an asshole for referring to this child as a girl when they have told you they aren’t one.	what's more important to you: your relationship with your child, or keeping behavior you don't agree with out of your house? if you continue down this path, you're likely to end up pushing away all your family but you'll have your moral high ground to stand alone on. edited to fix gendering.	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter moved away 2 years ago to attend university. since starting school she has gone through many changes as a person - many of which i find difficult to get behind. she's rejected and mocked our faith, rebranded her entire indentity, and now lives in some kind of threesome situation. we've argued and fought over many things repeatedly over these past couple years. when the lockdown began - it gave ample opportunity to give space between us as she didn't visit at all for the summer or even this thanksgiving. our interactions have broken down to the occasional phone call and overall the seperation has helped us be more amicable. i've accepted her new hobbies and dress i use the pronouns she prefers when speaking to her. that being said, my husband and my younger daughter are really admit about having her stay over during christmas break this year. they miss seeing and has spent the past couple weeks trying to convince me to allow her to come. i'm extremly wary to have her come as things have gotten better mostly because we've been so apart. regardless, i relented and decided to invite her. in my last call with her, i asked her to come over for the holidays. she was being hesitant in giving me a straight answer but ultimately said alright. she however wanted to bring her partners with her. i flatly told her that i wouldn't allow that. she tried to argue her side but i honestly was not willing to shake my stance. i told her if she wanted to come for the holidays she would have to come alone. she told me wasn't coming, and that was it. my husband has tried to get me to call her back but i haven't done so so far. i do not want to invite attention that lifestyle to my younger daughter, and frankly i think it's wierd for her to be dating two people at once. still my family won't stop prodding me about this - which is starting to affect the way i feel about how i handeled the situation.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter moved away 2 years ago to attend university. since starting school she has gone through many changes as a person - many of which i find difficult to get behind. she's rejected and mocked our faith, rebranded her entire indentity, and now lives in some kind of threesome situation. we've argued and fought over many things repeatedly over these past couple years. when the lockdown began - it gave ample opportunity to give space between us as she didn't visit at all for the summer or even this thanksgiving. our interactions have broken down to the occasional phone call and overall the seperation has helped us be more amicable. i've accepted her new hobbies and dress i use the pronouns she prefers when speaking to her. that being said, my husband and my younger daughter are really admit about having her stay over during christmas break this year. they miss seeing and has spent the past couple weeks trying to convince me to allow her to come. i'm extremly wary to have her come as things have gotten better mostly because we've been so apart. regardless, i relented and decided to invite her. in my last call with her, i asked her to come over for the holidays. she was being hesitant in giving me a straight answer but ultimately said alright. she however wanted to bring her partners with her. i flatly told her that i wouldn't allow that. she tried to argue her side but i honestly was not willing to shake my stance. i told her if she wanted to come for the holidays she would have to come alone. she told me wasn't coming, and that was it. my husband has tried to get me to call her back but i haven't done so so far. i do not want to invite attention that lifestyle to my younger daughter, and frankly i think it's wierd for her to be dating two people at once. still my family won't stop prodding me about this - which is starting to affect the way i feel about how i handeled the situation. [/INST] yta. why, if your husband and younger daughter want your older daughter to stay for the holidays, do you think that you and you alone should get to make that call? you are being very selfish. as for your concerns about your younger daughter seeing her sister's relationship, i would be more concerned about the risk of harm you could cause her by showing her that your love is conditional. </s>
AITA For Telling My Cousin That She's The Reason My Husband And I Have Re-Considered Adoption?	throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita?	23,240	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovdbj5/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_that_shes_the_reason/	2021-07-31 19:25:51	nta , i’ll say it loudly every time: if you insist on pushing people past the polite answer you may get an answer you don’t like. you have only yourself to blame if the truth hurts you then.	nta. your cousin is actually horrific. i'm adopted and i would never ever even ever pull some crap like this. i'm sorry that she's such a selfish person, that she soured the idea of adoption for you.	nta - even though it wasn’t a nice thing to say, you’re still right. it’s the truth. why would you wanna adopt a kid if they could end up like her? she’s ungrateful and selfish. she abandoned the set of parents who love her and gave her a good life all these years for some people she barely knows just because they’re her “real parents”. i think her real parents are the ones who raised her and taught her everything she knows. she doesn’t know her bio parents from adam and they could easily be apart of a cannibal cult. you were definitely in the right to say what you said. i’m wishing you good luck with the fertility situation. i’m hoping you’re able to have a healthy child or adopt one who will love you forever.	nta your cousin is an entitled a-hole. she had no right to demand answers for why you chose not to adopt or to say you're a bad person for not doing so. not only that but she didn't even express an iota of happiness for your pregnancy. ignore anyone who's supporting tiffany on this one. she is 100% to blame and 100% in the wrong.	nta adoption is quite a challenge in general. you need to meet certain criteria, wait some time before you get approved etc. sometimes the children have some issues, which makes raising them more difficult. sometimes situations like tiffany's happen. it's not a magical solution for everyone who cannot have their own child. while you didn't really have to tell that to tiffany, she shouldn't have asked and pushed. there are many reasons why people want to have their own child rather than adopt one, and that's none of her business in general.	honestly, i get op. i lurk in r/adoption quite a lot and the majority of them seem miserable and hate the fact that they were adopted (even in the face of dangerous biological circumstances). stuff like that and op’s cousin can make one wary of extending themselves in that way to adopt a child and not know if the child will always feel a way about being adopted (if the adoptive parents are good parents). nta	this is one of the reasons that i don't think adoption is the panacea it's so often pushed as. if her adoptive parents raised her and loved her as their own, they're not the ahs. you're not the ah for observing how this adopted child is treating her adoptive family now. you're nta for not wanting to go through that same thing in 20 years, either. who would? tiffany is ta for the specific things described here - pushing adoption, getting upset when you didn't, demanding an answer as to why you didn't go that way (as if it was her business) and then getting mad at you for your honest answer. but she's not an ah for wanting to know her bio family, for wanting to make up for lost time, or even necessarily for pushing away from her adoptive family. it's complicated, but bottom line is that she didn't ask to be given up or adopted, she's no more obligated to the parents that raised her than any biological child would be in adulthood, and while one would hope that she'd be nicer to them, she's probably feeling some petty complex emotions around the whole thing, which could even include some resentment toward her adoptive parents for "keeping her away" from her bio family (even if that's not how it was and not logical. emotions often aren't logical). or she could feel that spending too much time with her adoptive family is somehow disloyal to her bio family that she now knows and wants to keep/impress. or she feels embarrassed that she pushed away from the adoptive family and is staying away even more out of guilt/not wanting to deal with it. i'm not trying to give her excuses for any bad behavior, but this shit is complicated. i feel kind of bad for her too - not so much for the aita situation but just for being in a place in her life where she's a young adult with two sets of parents and a complicated backstory, most of which she had no control over, and she has to reconcile all that. i can see how that would lead to some less than stellar behavior. adoption is hard on the adopted child, who gets transplanted often before they're old enough to know what's going on and has no say in the matter and just has to deal with whatever comes up because of it. it can be hard on loving adoptive families who still have to worry about losing a beloved child to a bio family, even in adulthood. and it's also hard on bio families who are often under intense pressure from family, authority figures, or just difficult circumstances to agree to it, like it or not. i don't know what the answer to all that is - though my guess is that it includes both more abortions and more support for young/marginalized/low income pregnant people who want to keep and raise their babies themselves. even so, adoption will always be a necessary thing. but it bugs me when it's presented as this perfect alternative for both birth and potential adoptive families when it's clearly not.	nta, your cousin is terrible.	i’m an adoptee who doesn’t have a relationship with either set of parents. no one knew how terribly my adoptive parents treated me. some people still think they’re wonderful. some now know the truth and have cut ties as well. the reality of adopting is anything can happen…just like having biological children. you’re nta for telling her the truth but letting that one situation cloud your decision kinda sucks.	nta, she did literally ask. i do worry a bit about how this one example of adoption not working out perfectly seems to have soured you on the entire concept, though. if your cousin had been your aunt and uncle’s biological kid and had started being shitty to her parents for some other reason, would you decide that having biological kids is a bad idea? adoption can definitely complicate things, and this is an extreme and shitty example of that, but almost every kid is going to have some shitty and hurtful moments of teenage/young adult rebellion toward their parents. of course you want any kid you raise to have a good relationship with you and appreciate what you’ve done for them. but there is no method of acquiring a child that inherently guarantees you a painless and always-easy relationship with them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account i (33f) have had fertility issues for the past couple of years with my husband (35m). we went through with consultations and while we had very promising results for treatment the cost did give us pause. it wasn't that we couldn't afford it we just weren't at the point yet where we were willing to pay. i discussed it with my husband and we were both fine with the idea of adopting. my cousin tiffany (25f) is adopted and she supported our choice in looking into it. however this was a couple of years back and during that time tiffany was reunited with her birth parents and she's been acting pretty hurtful to my aunt and uncle since then. she keeps making post about how happy she is to know where she comes from and is happy about being reunited with her "real family." she even talked about having her birth father walk her down the aisle as a chance to make up for lost time. obviously my uncle was very hurt about this but went he voiced it tiffany got defensive. she called my uncle selfish, how this was about her and that he knew what he signed up for when raising someone else's kid. before the pandemic tiffany moved closer to where her bio mother lived so they could make up for lost time, and tiffany kept making post after post about all the fun she was having meeting relatives, and how she called/video chatted with each of her bio parents multiple times a week meanwhile she barely texted back my uncle and aunt once a month. i could tell how heartbroken my aunt and uncle were but tried to give tiffany her space and the few times they said anything she accuse them of being selfish and unsupportive. i think the biggest thing that broke them was when tiffany promised to come by for my aunt's birthday (covid restrictions were lifted) and was even given the money to travel to them but then never showed up. she called literally the day before to say that her bio mom had an emergency so she wasn't going to make it, but didn't give back the money. i am completely disgusted by tiffany's behavior and while i haven't completely ruled out adoption entirely i did want to give medical assisted conception a try. my husband supported this and we are now currently expecting. after we made our announcement tiffany messaged me asking why i would spend thousands on creating a child when i could helped one who already existed. i tried to play it off but tiffany kept pressing and calling me a bad person when there are so many children who desperately need a home and overpopulation. it got to the point where she was pissing me off and i just came clean and said that her behavior towards the people who loved and raised her was the reason. tiffany got really upset but i didn't care, however, her parents are now starting to say that i was wrong so aita? [/INST] nta , i’ll say it loudly every time: if you insist on pushing people past the polite answer you may get an answer you don’t like. you have only yourself to blame if the truth hurts you then. </s>
AITA for disinviting my siblings from my wedding	there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita?	24,249	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvwzoj/aita_for_disinviting_my_siblings_from_my_wedding/	2022-05-23 10:17:40	nta. your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. congrats on the wedding.	“my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives“ but didn’t your dad raise them their whole lives? and they’ve just dismissed everything he’s done because your mum lied. essentially it’s your wedding you can invite & disinvite who you want. nta.	nta. you picked team dad, they picked team sperm donor. it's as simple as that.	you used their exact reason against them and it hurt them … and still it didn’t click with them ! outrageous that 20+ years of sacrifices and love can be thrown away, and the love given to a guy who didn’t do anything except fuck a married woman. nta	well, the only person who's calling you an ah is your half-sil/cousin, and she's hardly objective. nta. and their hypocrisy is outrageous. you're still their sister because you were raised together. but the man who raised you for two decades under the impression that he's your father *isn't* their father? do they not even see how inconsistent and unfair they're being? i'm guessing their magnanimous attitude toward their mother is due to the fact that they favor her over your dad.	nta it's your wedding and you can do what you please. if you don't want them there that's reasonable. the man that is there for you and raised should not be demoted for something out of his control. it's fair that they want to contact their biological father and it's fair if they still want a relationship with their mother but to treat the man who raised them with such disrespect is nasty. and if your mother and father get divorced does that mean he's no longer even be stepgrampa? unthinkable. if your half brother and sister take offence to the fact you called them as such, then they should understand why your dad is so hurt by being called stepdad.	nta. that stepgrandpa business is real low. shame on them.	nta. my real dad is the man who raised me from 3 years old, the man who was there for every bump and bruise, every sad and happy occasion in my life. i haven't seen my biological father since i was 5. not a word. he knows where i am, he even sent me a friend request facebook which i hesitantly accepted, and he's never once spoken to me or reached out to me. my son calls my "dad" his grandfather, and rightfully so. my mom divorced my "dad" when i was 27, and her new husband is my stepdad, and he's also grandpa to the grandkids. there is no such thing as "stepgrandpa." your siblings are rotten, they must get that from your mother.	nta funny how the siblings are hurt that you don't see them as "real" siblings anymore when that's exactly what they've done to the father that raised them.	nta i'm glad your dad has you.. he truly doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, i personally find it quite disturbing..	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> there's me (25f,) sister (27f) and brother (28m) involved here. we were raised together and until 2019 we believed we were a nuclear biological family. then we found out our dad wasn't our bio dad, which even he didn't know, it then turned out my older siblings shared a bio dad but i had a different one. we were also first cousins because their bio and my bio were brothers. dad left our mom, hurt, betrayed, and overall disgusted that she had lied to him for two decades. i was equally mad that she lied and hurt my dad. my siblings were less willing to cut her off but their relationship strained majorly. dad moved in with me and my then boyfriend, now fiance, and covid hit. at this point all three of us agreed he was dad no matter what. and there was nothing that could change that. i meant it; they didn't. they found their bio father and mine by extension, and have decided that he is now "real dad" and that our dad is just a stepdad. my brother has even corrected his two little girls who called dad grandpa, into saying he's stepgrandpa and that's what they call him, while bio gets called grandpa. it broke my dad's heart and he decided it was too much for him to accept. this is after talks between them where he was essentially told to know his place, stay in his lane and demoted with the clear message being nothing would change. i am so pissed at them. they have tried to push me to meet my "real dad" and have told me it's okay to go back on what we said. initially, they were invited to my wedding but with this whole mess i told them they were no longer welcome and i did not want them to show up. they told me that just because they have a relationship with their "real dad" doesn't change things between us. i told them it does. that if dad isn't our real dad after everything he has done for us then we're not "real siblings", because technically we are half siblings and cousins. that my dad is till my dad 100% and biology is meaningless to me. and so it was best for them not to come, because i no longer want them there. what i said hurt them. my sil (married to my brother) told me i was an asshole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven't been siblings our whole lives. i think that's almost more annoying to me, because that's our dad. but he can be shit on and discarded like he's nothing. aita? [/INST] nta. your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. congrats on the wedding. </s>
AITA for dropping him and his daughter off at a rental car place states away from home?	long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita?	24,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tg1fhu/aita_for_dropping_him_and_his_daughter_off_at_a/	2022-03-17 04:00:46	nta time to stop seeing dave. the should have thought about their behaviour before hijacking your trip and being rude to both you and your boys. i hope the rest of the trip was enjoyable with your boys.	nta. i hope you broke up with him too.	nta. and don't you dare get back with dave. did you and your boys end up having a good trip after the poison was out?!	nta. dan is 44 years old, he should be perfectly capable of getting himself and his daughter home or he should just not make vacations miserable as a team with her. you dropped them at a car rental and not the middle of nowhere, so whatever.	[deleted]	nta why it took you 4 days to drop them off it's beyond me. first sign of anyone being nasty to my boys and they gone! i hope you break up w that dude and her spawn from hell. you owe it to your kids as this situation wont get any better. you really want to keep having that nasty girl in your life? eew.	that bed bug thing is hilarious.	nta, they invited themselves along and tried to commandeer your trip. they say that the best way to tell if a partner is suited for you is to travel together for a week. lol, certainly a lot better outcome than figuring all this out years later.	you are definitely nta here. he invited himself on your family bonding trip at the last minute, and when you were hesitant he pushed until he gave in. then, his teenage daughter proceeded to ruin the trip, making you and your children miserable. if it were me, i would have been tempted to leave them stranded on the side of the road instead of being nice enough to take them to a car rental place. i think you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with this man given the utter lake of concern he shows for you or your children on this trip.	nta, you dodged a bullet getting out of that relationship! and any 44 year old who's looking for a relationship with someone in her 20s should set off red flags from the get-go. glad you got free of that before you'd sunk any more time into a shitty relationship!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> long story short: i (27f) started seeing 44yo "dave" 3 years ago. i have 2 sons, 9 and 6. he has 1 daughter "ann", 17. i booked a road trip for me and my sons roughly 3 months ago. a road trip consisting of roughly 26 hours worth of driving with stops in between. this is the first time i've ever been financially able to do much of anything with my children so i went all out. planned to stop at every place they had ever asked me to go, basically. i was beyond excited to surprise them with this trip. we got home 4 nights ago. a week before leaving my dave decides he wants to go with me and bring ann as a "bonding" experience. we do not live together and ann has never liked me because i'm "boring". she has said this to my face. so dave thinks it will be good. i didnt really want either of them to go but thought what the hell, why not. this could be good for us. boy was i fucking wrong. from the moment ann got in to my vehicle she started complaining about absolutely everything. it was too crowded, too loud, we were taking too many stops, the boys were "too annoying" and "need to quiet the fuck down and chill out". we get a hotel 9 hours in (pa). its around 3pm at this point. dave asks if he can take a drive with ann because she was getting irritated with the kids. i told him he could if he makes it quick because i needed to go get dinner supplies. 3 hours later he shows back up. him and ann went out to eat. so i make a comment saying "you didnt think we wanted to eat too?" and ann snaps back with "i dont think we asked." after comments like this for days i finally snapped. my body are now saying they just want to go home because several times dave told my kids to be quiet because of his kids comfortability. at this point i havent done anything with my kids because the queen would have a fit if we pulled off anywhere and dave at this point basically refused to let me drive despite me arguing. in my car. so i snapped, told him to pull the fuck over. when he finally does, i drive to the nearest car rental and tell them to get the fuck out of my car. dave and ann both start flipping out. ann saying she isnt going to get in a car that has "bed bugs". dave saying he didnt want to take separate vehicles and didnt have enough money for a rental because the queen spent over $1500 in 4 days. so i say "i dont believe i fucking asked." and take off. they were close to 800 miles from home. it took them 4 days to get home due to lack of money and needing to borrow. i'm being told i'm a selfish cunt. aita? [/INST] nta time to stop seeing dave. the should have thought about their behaviour before hijacking your trip and being rude to both you and your boys. i hope the rest of the trip was enjoyable with your boys. </s>
WIBTA if I stopped inviting my triggered friend to movie night?	tdlr at the bottom every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times. the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.) of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her. god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her? tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore?	13,732	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cf1lbg/wibta_if_i_stopped_inviting_my_triggered_friend/	2019-07-19 02:02:27	yta. there are in fact classic films without graphic scenes in them you could watch. at the very least, talk to her instead of pulling some middle school nonsense. can 100% guarantee she will be more upset at discovering you've stopped inviting her than she will if you privately say something along the lines of "hey, we're planning on watching clockwork orange next time, you want to risk it or would you rather skip it?"	yta--is it so damn hard to pick some non triggering films so your friend feeling deeply rejected and upset from.her traumas can be surrounded by love?	yta if you just don’t invite her. because it sounds like y’all have a close relationship and she needs you, and if she were to find out that you just decided not to invite her at all it could hurt the relationship. rather, instead tell her that y’all will be watching clockwork orange and that it does have some graphic scenes. since she had a hard time the last couple of times just let her know that it’s ok if she doesn’t want to come and your feelings won’t be hurt.	nah but maybe consider giving her a heads up on the title of the movie so she can make the choice not to come that night. i love watching old films, but i have 0 interest in watching horror films, so if my friends said “hey we’re watching the exorcist tonight”, i’d say “thanks for the invite, but i’ll skip this week”. people can have different interests, tastes, and tolerances and still be friends. of course you should rotate in some films that won’t be triggering as well, but ultimately it’s up the individual to choose to remove themselves from a potentially triggering situation. some content will be obvious as a trigger, and some won’t, so you can’t always expect your friends to filter it out for you.	i don't agree with the other comments saying to only watch that which won't trigger her. imo message her separately and tell her you are watching that movie if she think it will trigger her she should feel free not to come but if she does and gets triggered you will not stop the movie. nta	yta my god can’t you pick an appropriate movie that means you can enjoy all of your friends company and be supportive of each other? “sorry, can’t invite you, being sensitive is too hard”...? imagine feeling punished for something terrible that happened to you. imagine not being able to hang out with your friends because you’re too much of a burden to watch movies with. unreal.	yta. how the hell did you get those trio of movies for a traumatized person..	i would invite her but tell her what movie it is and let her judge if she can handle it or not. let her know there are triggering scenes and that at the next get together, she can choose a movie to watch.	yta but only if you go behind her back. i think it's worth having a chat with her along the lines of hey [friend] at the next movie night we are planning on watching a film that may be triggering for you. did you want to skip this one? or maybe do something that you can be included in (dinner, board game) before starting the film? it's got to feel really crappy for her knowing her friends want to exclude her after a traumatic experience (no matter how well intentioned it is).	nta...but invite her and tell her about the movie and also tell her she needs to leave or go into another room if the movie disturbs her	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	NTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	NTA	0.326734	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tdlr at the bottom every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times. the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.) of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her. god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her? tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> tdlr at the bottom every couple of weeks me (f24) and my friends get together for a “classic movie night” at my house. we drink, joke around, and watch old movies deemed to be “important to film”. good times. the problem: one friend (23f) has been through an awful trauma recently which has affected her profoundly. our group has really huddled around her to make sure she is okay and lend our support any way we can... but... in the last few times we got together she got triggered by the graphic scenes in the films we were watching and politely asks that we stop. (the first time was rosemary’s baby and the second was taxi driver, if that matters.) of course we all wanted to be sensitive so both times we immedietly turned it off and the group quickly dispersed after (kind of a bummer). independantly, friends from the group have asked that i not invite her the next time, because we want to watch clockwork orange which will definetly be triggering to her. since i’m hosting, it is up to me, but since i usually invite everyone via a group chat that she is in, it would require some maneuvering to exclude her. god i feel like such a dick but my friends and i really want to be free to watch what we want without worrying about making her uncomfortable. wibta if i went out of my way to not invite her? tldr: my friends and i want to watch movies that our traumatized friend may find triggering - wibta to just not invite her anymore? [/INST] yta. there are in fact classic films without graphic scenes in them you could watch. at the very least, talk to her instead of pulling some middle school nonsense. can 100% guarantee she will be more upset at discovering you've stopped inviting her than she will if you privately say something along the lines of "hey, we're planning on watching clockwork orange next time, you want to risk it or would you rather skip it?" </s>
AITA for kicking my sister out to the streets because she cannot take my "f***ing violin" playing?	i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f***ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita?	22,945	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nu1gfv/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_to_the_streets/	2021-06-07 02:07:36	nta- noise canceling headphones...problem sloved. if she is unable to do the absolute bare minimum than she clearly doesn't mind being homeless. it is absolutely absurd that she would touch a musician's instruments, in their house, and not know that there would not be a repercussions. you even gave her a second chance. focus on your work and she can deal with her problems.	yeah, no. nta. i'm a professional musician as well (opera singer). as musicians, we must practice to keep our skills in good upkeep and flexibility, especially after a damn year of gig drought.	as someone who suffers from.chronic migraines and the sound of constant violin would cause me intense pain, every single day........ i'm still saying nta. she is living in your home. if she gets headaches from.violin playing she either should make herself scarce or buy earplugs/noise cancelling headphones. when i had to move back in with my parents, i never bitched when my stepfather would have zoom meetings for work in the next room. i'd ask them to keep it down if i had a bad migraine, but only when he wasn't working. id never ask him to sacrifice his job performance, which is what she's asking you to do. nta	nta. guests don't get to make the rules for what you can do in your own household. entitled freeloading guests who think they make the rules are the absolute worst.	nta. she only had one job-graciously accept you providing shelter for her. but she effed it up, despite multiple points where she could've sucked it up. ling ling approves.	nta if the violin bothered her, she should've made herself scarce during practice hours	nta. yeah your sister told you that your profession and your need to practice didn't matter . . . because it inconvenienced her. she doesn't give a damn about you or your life, she just wants what she wants, when she wants it. your sister feels entitled to trash your profession and tell you that your professional accomplishments don't matter because her needs obviously need to take priority. yeah, you didn't over-react. your sister told you that your life and your career don't matter a hill of beans when compared to her need for peace and quiet. feel no guilt.	nta. i guess we can see why her bf dumped her too. obviously your violin is essential for your working life, and as a guest it was up to her to accommodate herself to it. buying herself a new bed for your apartment without asking is a huge boundary transgression, likewise the piano. she sounds very self-centred. hopefully this whole affair will prove a wake-up call for her, though my hopes are not high.	nta. choosy beggar, much??	nta. she's disrespectful and entitled. you were trying to do her a favor and she was rude at every possible turn. let her find another job and figure out her own living situation. i agree with you, i think if you let her back in she'd be sorry for a day or two and go right back to her old tricks. you deserve better. reclaim your music room and keep doing what you need to be successful.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f***ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am(30f) a musician, playing gigs and at an orchestra as a violinist. rehearsals just resumed so orchestra is my main source of income atm. my sister(26f) is a social worker, working 3days a week so minimal income but she adores her job. i live in a small 2 bedroom apartment (both rooms around 9-10sqr meters), using the second room as a practice room/storage for my instruments (3violins, 2 guitars, a digital piano, a small drum kit), and other stuff. 4 months ago my sister broke up with her bf and i offered her my spare room, temporarily. i moved most of my stuff to the living room so i could fit a small bed in there. sis moved in, but she asked me to move more stuff to the living room. i moved pretty much everything sans the piano, to the point where the living room became uninhabitable. then she started complaining about my violin playing, saying it gave her headaches. i told her i couldn't stop the daily practice without risking my only steady income. the arguments got worse. she told me to play only when she wasn't home, but with her work schedule i couldn't afford that. i tried switching to the electric violin, but even that can be pretty loud so it didn't help. several times i reminded her this was only a temporary arragement, but she didn't seem to hear me. two weeks ago i arrived home to finding my piano in the bathroom (near water and humidity!), because my sis needed the space for her new double bed. when i told her she can't srsly expect me to store my piano there, she said "yeah, you will just have to sell it i guess". i got so mad i told her she has 7 days to leave, but she didn't take me seriously. for a week i only talked to her to remind her how much time she has left, but she always laughed it off, told me to "stop acting like a crazy person". when the deadline came i boxed up all her stuff while she was at work, booked an rbnb bedsit close by and drove her stuff there. she was livid but couldn't do anything but take her new keys and stay there. the following week she kept calling me with an increasingly apologetic tone, saying she shouldn't have moved my piano or bought a bed. she promised she would put more effort into finding a new place, and by the end of the week i considered most of our issues at least addressed, so i drove to help her move back. but when i was carrying the first box down, she went "i do hope you will at least stop with the violin this time. i absolutely refuse to take more of that f***ing violin." i dropped the box, wished her good luck and left. now, two days later: on one hand it feels like a huge overreaction to leave my own sister literally homeless because of an argument about the violin (i know she cannot afford to stay there), but on the other hand i have no plans to allow her back here, because i feel she would just continue crossing boundaries and never leave. so, aita? [/INST] nta- noise canceling headphones...problem sloved. if she is unable to do the absolute bare minimum than she clearly doesn't mind being homeless. it is absolutely absurd that she would touch a musician's instruments, in their house, and not know that there would not be a repercussions. you even gave her a second chance. focus on your work and she can deal with her problems. </s>
AITA for refusing to visit and have my wife attend my daughters baby shower?	i (m71) and wife (karen, f78) leave for fl in late oct and live in ct for the summer. cara (my daughter) and (her husband) sean live in ma. cara is pregnant with their first in march. in sept, my step son gifted new floors to cara and sean for their kitchen. i offered to help with install. their home is over 100 years old. i am not a contractor or a carpenter but i am good at home repairs. i was supposed to only install the floors but during demo, i encouraged them to demo some cabinets so the flooring laid down better. i said i would help with prep on weekends and come back from fl in nov to assemble new cabinets and install. they agreed. they are new home owners and not handy but were eager to work. the walls ended up being covered in rotting horsehair plaster which was a surprise. when the weekend ended, there was no stove hook up, floors were 10% installed and it was a bit of a mess. i left it to them to plaster the walls that week and i’d come next weekend. by tuesday cara and sean called in a panic, saying the plaster was a disaster and that cara was afraid of the stress on her pregnancy. i told them to wait. cara told me she felt mislead and that the project spiraled out of control and asked me to take ownership (not financial) for my hand in their issues. i told them they made their choice to demo and it’s not my house. they paid me for my help and hired contractor. they said i’m not able to commit to a project of this size (i work ft and help my step son with his flip) and didn’t believe i would come back to help after leaving for fl and cara is uncomfortable with working during pregnancy, all to which i disagreed. i was hurt they fired me and still am. it’s been weird since. i have not reached out to ask about the kitchen or the baby, though they provided scattered updates on the baby and karen asked about the baby a few times. recently cara reached out saying this has been terrible- they had to pull permits from the town, they haven’t had a stove or sink in months. cara said she feels i don’t care about her health and our grandchild as i have not checked in. that i didnt take ownership. i laughed and told her i would’ve had it all done by now. she sent a text telling karen and i not to speak to her and that she is upset. karen rsvped no to cara’s shower in january and cancelled our trip without telling them. sean reached out asking us to reconsider saying they will only become parents once and that cara was 6.5 months pregnant and didn’t mean what she said- he offered to pay for our tickets to come. karen and i have been firm on our stance however, we told them to let us know well in advance and we can visit in march before or after the baby. cara is devastated but karen and i were only trying to accommodate her wishes. i think i may be the asshole for cancelling my trip knowing cara is stressed and pregnant. so am i the asshole?	3,473	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmkosm/aita_for_refusing_to_visit_and_have_my_wife/	2022-12-15 13:09:03	yta on so many levels. first, as you said you are not a contractor or carpenter but are good with “home repairs”. you encouraged them to demo their kitchen only installed 10% of the floors before leaving?? cara has every right to be upset and she‘s not wrong. you made a mess of their house and then backpedaled by basically saying oh well not my problem! i personally wouldn’t want anything to do with you, but they want you at their baby shower. go. and apologize.	honestly, the house stuff sounds like a complete mess and i can’t make heads or tails of that. i can say that a pregnant woman having no stove and no sink in months has got to be stressful. you suggesting a tear down in the kitchen was odd. you leaving with 10% of what uou came up to do was odd. you being all nbd and telling them to wait is weird. and you got paid for this? did i misunderstand something? and you’re not a contractor but you decided to suggest all these changes and didn’t pull permits, left them in the shit with none of it done, and cara is expecting you to take responsibility for that by acknowledging it, and you’re upset because they fired you? i can understand a fil involving himself to help his ‘kids’ but i can’t understand your thought process to fly up and back to ‘help’ on a job you were actually paid for. don’t you think you should have passed on the job and stayed in fl? and after all this, you and your wife are letting all this bullshit come between you and your grandchild? yta.	yta when you found the old horse hair plaster and that it was in poor condition you should have stopped right away. 100 plus year old houses always have hidden little surprises like this. you gave them some bad advice and dropped an unexpected crap ton of work on them. sure, they choose to "demo" the cabinets... at your suggestion. you were playing expert and you led them down a crappy path that was way more than they signed up for.	"i was supposed to only install the floors, but i encouraged them to demo some cabinets" "when the weekend ended there was no stove hook up, the floors were 10% installed and it was a bit of a mess" "i was hurt they fired me and still am" "i have not reached out" "they haven't had a stove or sink in months" "cara says she feels i don't care about her health or our grandchild" "i laughed" karen "cancelled our trip without telling them" "sean reached out... offered to pay for our tickets" "karen and i have been firm in our stance" "cara is devastated" "so am i the asshole?" ... yes, clearly yta.	yta they paid you for a job you didn't finish and actually made it worse. of course they fired you! you walked off the job! you didn't finish and cost them more money. you then don't want to participate in your first grandchilds shower or birth?yta	ap you destroyed their kitchen and then left? knowing they don't know what they're doing? told them to just get it plastered and you would (maybe) show up the following weekend and help finish (spoiler, you wouldn't have) then got pissy when they wanted to try and get someone who could commit to getting it finished? i would say you are pretty much ta here. i'd want to help my daughter finish their house, even if she wasn't pregnant. but hey, that's just me.	yta i just picture you like an old comedy skit, destroying more and more before setting down your tools and slowly backing out of the room. you didn’t even come close to finishing just what you committed to in the beginning and then you recommended more demo and just walked away. ever tried to work on flooring when pregnant?	yta. you are not a contractor but you are someone who lives in connecticut. hundred years old homes are common enough in the zeitgeist to know opening the walls is asking for work. but even that aside, this all sounds like a pride issue more than anything else. you’re hurt they fired you. what do you want more: to be right or to be in your grandchild’s life? they extended the olive branch. don’t let this escalate further unless you’re sure you’re willing to pay the cost.	yta but she’s honestly better off with you not visiting so i’d stick with your plan.	yta so you aren't a carpenter or a contractor and yet acted like you're a professional- telling them to do the cabinets at the same time as the flooring. left them with no kitchen, didn't finish the job and are now super shocked they're upset with you? you literally left the state and expected them to just live in a construction zone for however long until you felt like doing another 10%. they asked you to handle it. you declined. they got someone else. you see that 2nd sentance? you declined. wtf were they supposed to do?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m71) and wife (karen, f78) leave for fl in late oct and live in ct for the summer. cara (my daughter) and (her husband) sean live in ma. cara is pregnant with their first in march. in sept, my step son gifted new floors to cara and sean for their kitchen. i offered to help with install. their home is over 100 years old. i am not a contractor or a carpenter but i am good at home repairs. i was supposed to only install the floors but during demo, i encouraged them to demo some cabinets so the flooring laid down better. i said i would help with prep on weekends and come back from fl in nov to assemble new cabinets and install. they agreed. they are new home owners and not handy but were eager to work. the walls ended up being covered in rotting horsehair plaster which was a surprise. when the weekend ended, there was no stove hook up, floors were 10% installed and it was a bit of a mess. i left it to them to plaster the walls that week and i’d come next weekend. by tuesday cara and sean called in a panic, saying the plaster was a disaster and that cara was afraid of the stress on her pregnancy. i told them to wait. cara told me she felt mislead and that the project spiraled out of control and asked me to take ownership (not financial) for my hand in their issues. i told them they made their choice to demo and it’s not my house. they paid me for my help and hired contractor. they said i’m not able to commit to a project of this size (i work ft and help my step son with his flip) and didn’t believe i would come back to help after leaving for fl and cara is uncomfortable with working during pregnancy, all to which i disagreed. i was hurt they fired me and still am. it’s been weird since. i have not reached out to ask about the kitchen or the baby, though they provided scattered updates on the baby and karen asked about the baby a few times. recently cara reached out saying this has been terrible- they had to pull permits from the town, they haven’t had a stove or sink in months. cara said she feels i don’t care about her health and our grandchild as i have not checked in. that i didnt take ownership. i laughed and told her i would’ve had it all done by now. she sent a text telling karen and i not to speak to her and that she is upset. karen rsvped no to cara’s shower in january and cancelled our trip without telling them. sean reached out asking us to reconsider saying they will only become parents once and that cara was 6.5 months pregnant and didn’t mean what she said- he offered to pay for our tickets to come. karen and i have been firm on our stance however, we told them to let us know well in advance and we can visit in march before or after the baby. cara is devastated but karen and i were only trying to accommodate her wishes. i think i may be the asshole for cancelling my trip knowing cara is stressed and pregnant. so am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (m71) and wife (karen, f78) leave for fl in late oct and live in ct for the summer. cara (my daughter) and (her husband) sean live in ma. cara is pregnant with their first in march. in sept, my step son gifted new floors to cara and sean for their kitchen. i offered to help with install. their home is over 100 years old. i am not a contractor or a carpenter but i am good at home repairs. i was supposed to only install the floors but during demo, i encouraged them to demo some cabinets so the flooring laid down better. i said i would help with prep on weekends and come back from fl in nov to assemble new cabinets and install. they agreed. they are new home owners and not handy but were eager to work. the walls ended up being covered in rotting horsehair plaster which was a surprise. when the weekend ended, there was no stove hook up, floors were 10% installed and it was a bit of a mess. i left it to them to plaster the walls that week and i’d come next weekend. by tuesday cara and sean called in a panic, saying the plaster was a disaster and that cara was afraid of the stress on her pregnancy. i told them to wait. cara told me she felt mislead and that the project spiraled out of control and asked me to take ownership (not financial) for my hand in their issues. i told them they made their choice to demo and it’s not my house. they paid me for my help and hired contractor. they said i’m not able to commit to a project of this size (i work ft and help my step son with his flip) and didn’t believe i would come back to help after leaving for fl and cara is uncomfortable with working during pregnancy, all to which i disagreed. i was hurt they fired me and still am. it’s been weird since. i have not reached out to ask about the kitchen or the baby, though they provided scattered updates on the baby and karen asked about the baby a few times. recently cara reached out saying this has been terrible- they had to pull permits from the town, they haven’t had a stove or sink in months. cara said she feels i don’t care about her health and our grandchild as i have not checked in. that i didnt take ownership. i laughed and told her i would’ve had it all done by now. she sent a text telling karen and i not to speak to her and that she is upset. karen rsvped no to cara’s shower in january and cancelled our trip without telling them. sean reached out asking us to reconsider saying they will only become parents once and that cara was 6.5 months pregnant and didn’t mean what she said- he offered to pay for our tickets to come. karen and i have been firm on our stance however, we told them to let us know well in advance and we can visit in march before or after the baby. cara is devastated but karen and i were only trying to accommodate her wishes. i think i may be the asshole for cancelling my trip knowing cara is stressed and pregnant. so am i the asshole? [/INST] yta on so many levels. first, as you said you are not a contractor or carpenter but are good with “home repairs”. you encouraged them to demo their kitchen only installed 10% of the floors before leaving?? cara has every right to be upset and she‘s not wrong. you made a mess of their house and then backpedaled by basically saying oh well not my problem! i personally wouldn’t want anything to do with you, but they want you at their baby shower. go. and apologize. </s>
AITA for meowing at my cat while he pooped?	this might seem silly but inquiring minds want to know. my cat is now about a year old, fully into his bratty teenager/young adult cat phase. he’s been doing this new thing where whenever i go to take a shit he scream meows at the door and claws it. sounds like he’s dying out there .i tried leaving the door open once and he just came in and screamed at me closer. is this a big deal? not according to my girlfriend, but she’s not the one trying to take a shit with a cat screaming at her. i had a great idea last night. i sat and waited for my cat to enter the bathroom. when he did i ran into the the room and found him taking a shit. i began to meow at him as loudly as i could to show him how it feels to shit with someone meowing at you. he finished his shit and ran off and he didn’t even look at me. my girlfriend however looked at me while she told me that i was being an asshole and giving my cat “litter box anxiety” which i googled and i didn’t see anything remotely comparable to this situation there. i took a shit today and the cat didn’t meow at me at all so i think he got the message. girlfriend is still pissed about it since she’s really protective of the cat’s feelings.	6,372	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eco8uh/aita_for_meowing_at_my_cat_while_he_pooped/	2019-12-19 04:39:57	yta. you do not want to mess with your cat's litter box comfort. he'll stop using it and then you'll have a real problem. your girlfriend is actually right.	esh you and your cat should really have a talk about privacy and respect. your cat is childish for harassing you while taking a shit but your answer to it is as childish. she should also feel safe in her litter box because im pretty sure otherwise she will stop using it.	yta. startling or upsetting a cat on the litter box is seriously stupid. if they don’t feel safe, they will go elsewhere. enjoy your poop filled slippers.	yta cat probably wanted fresh water. that's what my cat yells for in the bathroom. i think concern that making loud noises and scaring the cat when it uses the litter pan could cause it to go elsewhere are valid. try looking up "cat scared to use litter pan". don't try to bother the pooping cat again like that or you may be cleaning up messes elsewhere.	> i began to meow at him as loudly as i could to show him how it feels to shit with someone meowing at you. lmao ridiculous. yta fam. meowing to a cat isn't going to solve anything. you have to learn his body language.	nta perhaps meow at the gf while she poops so she can better relate	literal shit post.	yta cats do not understand human meows. therefore all your cat understands is you scared the hell out of it whilst it was doing something that even cats can consider private. yes, they maybe don't understand your privacy, but they have a sense of it themselves. any cat behavioural expert will attest to the cat's need for privacy at the litter box. cats don't vocalise with one another. they use body language to make themselves understood. the meow is used for communicating things to you. so it may seem annoying to you that the cat does this when you are in the bathroom, but he's trying to communicate with you nonetheless. stop scaring your cat, and just ignore it next time nature calls and he decides to sing you the song of his people; otherwise prepare to find cat excrement everywhere but the box.	yta. from, cat	yta. that cat will stop using the litter box. cat pee is a monster to get out. you likely won’t ever get it fully out. whatever that cat pees on, you’ll likely end up tossing.	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.048498	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this might seem silly but inquiring minds want to know. my cat is now about a year old, fully into his bratty teenager/young adult cat phase. he’s been doing this new thing where whenever i go to take a shit he scream meows at the door and claws it. sounds like he’s dying out there .i tried leaving the door open once and he just came in and screamed at me closer. is this a big deal? not according to my girlfriend, but she’s not the one trying to take a shit with a cat screaming at her. i had a great idea last night. i sat and waited for my cat to enter the bathroom. when he did i ran into the the room and found him taking a shit. i began to meow at him as loudly as i could to show him how it feels to shit with someone meowing at you. he finished his shit and ran off and he didn’t even look at me. my girlfriend however looked at me while she told me that i was being an asshole and giving my cat “litter box anxiety” which i googled and i didn’t see anything remotely comparable to this situation there. i took a shit today and the cat didn’t meow at me at all so i think he got the message. girlfriend is still pissed about it since she’s really protective of the cat’s feelings.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this might seem silly but inquiring minds want to know. my cat is now about a year old, fully into his bratty teenager/young adult cat phase. he’s been doing this new thing where whenever i go to take a shit he scream meows at the door and claws it. sounds like he’s dying out there .i tried leaving the door open once and he just came in and screamed at me closer. is this a big deal? not according to my girlfriend, but she’s not the one trying to take a shit with a cat screaming at her. i had a great idea last night. i sat and waited for my cat to enter the bathroom. when he did i ran into the the room and found him taking a shit. i began to meow at him as loudly as i could to show him how it feels to shit with someone meowing at you. he finished his shit and ran off and he didn’t even look at me. my girlfriend however looked at me while she told me that i was being an asshole and giving my cat “litter box anxiety” which i googled and i didn’t see anything remotely comparable to this situation there. i took a shit today and the cat didn’t meow at me at all so i think he got the message. girlfriend is still pissed about it since she’s really protective of the cat’s feelings. [/INST] yta. you do not want to mess with your cat's litter box comfort. he'll stop using it and then you'll have a real problem. your girlfriend is actually right. </s>
AITA for telling my autistic brother the truth when he asked me why women don’t like him?	i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?	31,743	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gbl3wk/aita_for_telling_my_autistic_brother_the_truth/	2020-05-01 16:18:13	nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk.	he asked. autistic people on reddit are always saying that they wish people would just be forthcoming and honest about these things. your parents are the ones who really suck here. they have done him no favours by raising him like this.	>this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. yikes. >he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” uhm.. just because they're women? he needs a reality check. >anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” you said it a lot nice than i would've done. it isn't just the way he's talking, it sounds like he is sexist. >this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. he can obviously control it. he's high functioning, going on dates, talking to you guys, understanding. he's just not acting like he's in this century. also, he went to your parents to complain? he's 24. if he wants to complain, he can complain to his friends, or to you since you're the one he's mad at. you're nta. nope. his own actions are leading to dates going the way they are.	nta. if you don't tell him, some other woman will. i think it's better coming from someone that actually knows him or else he could just write it off as an "illogical" response from some angry woman. could it have been done more tactfully? maybe. but i think your brother is dangerously at risk of being an incel if you aren't straight with him.	nta you didn't insult him. you gave a dose of truth. of he wants to be in a relationship he needs to fix his attitude towards women.	nta your parents have raised him to be a sexist narcissist and now he can’t find anyone to put up with him. you are actually showing him more love telling him the truth so he can change than your parents do sheltering and lying to him.	nta he’s sexist	nta who else better to hear it from than his sister. he wanted to know, you told him. tell him he can change and have a shot at getting a gf, or stay the way he is and be alone.	nta- it’s not confidence that he has, it’s a mislead false hope instilled by his parents who don’t want to admit to him that real life might be harder for him. they have the best, loving intentions but they’re creating something that will hurt him more than the truth will in the long run.	definitely nta. sounds to me like he's one of those socially awkward neckbeards who call women females and refuse to take them seriously because he legitimately thinks he's more intelligent. now, i can understand some of that. despite being female myself i had a long time when i felt like in general women were illogical and overly emotional. i never believed all women were like that, just that it was a trait more common in us than men. i also was incredibly arrogant and at one point unfortunately legitimately believed i was smarter than most people. i've been humbled a lot but even now i catch myself thinking someone is stupid without considering their background or the many areas in which they are most definitely smarter than i am. your brother both being coddled and on the spectrum means his thinking is far more black and white on the subject than it should be. he deserved the reality check and hopefully coming from someone he knows loves him will make it sink in.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’ve got a younger brother (24) with aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. recently i’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. my brother still lives with them. i find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. i know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. so i know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. he tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, i’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” this is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely insane. anyways when he asked me i basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” i told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. this struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that i attacked him over things he can’t control. now i’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and i feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. this was the first time in my life i told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. but maybe i was too harsh? aita for telling him what i said? [/INST] nta. he asked and you gave a reasonable answer. it doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. i’d stop coddling him. his autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk. </s>
AITA for telling my gf to not leave the house without a bra?	throwaway account. recently my gf and i got into a little argument about her not wearing a bra a couple of times when we’ve gone out. side note that she has small boobs and her excuse for not wearing a bra is that it’s because she has small boobs and no one will notice. but here’s the thing, i notice and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. not only is it inappropriate, i don’t want random creeps staring at her obvious nipples... (we live in a colder area). i made her promise not to leave the house again without wearing a bra and this is where she said that i’m being an ah. but i personally don’t think i am. she says it’s for her comfort and because she has small boobs she doesn’t “need” to wear a bra. but honestly it’s inappropriate for other people when we go out and i don’t want other guys staring at my gf’s tits. small or not.	3,398	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/caxwsm/aita_for_telling_my_gf_to_not_leave_the_house/	2019-07-09 08:07:10	yta. do you wear a bra so women can’t see your nipples? stop trying to make your girlfriend self conscious about her body. women deal with quite enough shit from the rest of society making us self conscious about our bodies. stop adding to it. edit. thank you to lovely person who gave me a gold award!	yta. her body her choice.	yta . if she doesnt want to wear a bra, she shouldn't have to. you're an asshole for trying to make her feel uncomfortable about her nipples. spoiler: everyone has nipples. bras are really uncomfortable btw, especially if you don't need one. if you do and they offer support, that can be a comfort, but if you dont need one then they're awful. so she's not an asshole for not wanting to wear one. if someone is staring at your girlfriends nipples in particular, have words with them, because it's not your girlfriends fault for daring to have nipples not contained in an uncomfortable clothing item she doesn't want or need. they shouldn't be staring.	yta. you don’t own the sight of your girlfriends clothed body.	[deleted]	yta - i've heard from a lot of women that bras are uncomfortable, and your attitude about what she wears seems kinda possessive	yta mainly because you don't get to "forbid" your so from wearing what they want, period, but also: do you wear bras in public? have you ever dealt with the annoying fucking hassle of wearing a bra every day? they are a giant pain in the ass, with their delicate upkeep, and straps falling everywhere, and trying to avoid the thing showing through clothing (because that's also a thing judgmental people get judgy about). there's also evidence that not wearing a bra is better for a woman's overall health, too (it puts pressure in places pressure shouldn't be, etc). so yeah you're ta.	i...have a suggestion. wear a bra and stuff it a bit. wear it around the house. tell me how you like it. boobs and bras are uncomfortable, hurt your back, they create underboob sweat, and generally only exist because not only do people sexualise boobs, they also think that natural sagging is unattractive - so bras to hold them up. my fave part of getting home is chucking my bra in the wash. i live in a country that's highly conservative about things like this, generally hot and humid and summers easily reach between 38-40 celsius on a regular basis, and i still own a couple of thick dresses and tops so i can go out without a bra on occasion. bras suck. men thinking women have no choice but to wear them in public because they're (the men, that is) uncomfortable and blaming women for guys staring at their boobs ("they're staring only because she isn't wearing a bra and not because they're creeps in general!" says your brain) suck even more. yta.	yta you're putting your ego above her comfort. you're entitled to feel whatever way you want but stop being a controlling arsehole,	yta, big time. > but here’s the thing, i notice and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. tough shit. not your body, not your choice. you're also showing her you're massively insecure as evidenced > i don’t want other guys staring at my gf’s tits. not to mention it shows you have a lack of trust towards your girlfriend. wind your neck in soft lad and stop trying to control your partner.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account. recently my gf and i got into a little argument about her not wearing a bra a couple of times when we’ve gone out. side note that she has small boobs and her excuse for not wearing a bra is that it’s because she has small boobs and no one will notice. but here’s the thing, i notice and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. not only is it inappropriate, i don’t want random creeps staring at her obvious nipples... (we live in a colder area). i made her promise not to leave the house again without wearing a bra and this is where she said that i’m being an ah. but i personally don’t think i am. she says it’s for her comfort and because she has small boobs she doesn’t “need” to wear a bra. but honestly it’s inappropriate for other people when we go out and i don’t want other guys staring at my gf’s tits. small or not.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway account. recently my gf and i got into a little argument about her not wearing a bra a couple of times when we’ve gone out. side note that she has small boobs and her excuse for not wearing a bra is that it’s because she has small boobs and no one will notice. but here’s the thing, i notice and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. not only is it inappropriate, i don’t want random creeps staring at her obvious nipples... (we live in a colder area). i made her promise not to leave the house again without wearing a bra and this is where she said that i’m being an ah. but i personally don’t think i am. she says it’s for her comfort and because she has small boobs she doesn’t “need” to wear a bra. but honestly it’s inappropriate for other people when we go out and i don’t want other guys staring at my gf’s tits. small or not. [/INST] yta. do you wear a bra so women can’t see your nipples? stop trying to make your girlfriend self conscious about her body. women deal with quite enough shit from the rest of society making us self conscious about our bodies. stop adding to it. edit. thank you to lovely person who gave me a gold award! </s>
Aita for choosing my birth family over adoptive family	so i (18f) am a transracial adoptee. i am half indian and half ashkenazi jewish while my adopters are white. my adopters were ok growing up. they never abused me but i never really bonded with them. it felt like being raised by strangers. when i was 15 i found bio mom on facebook and told her who i was. she messaged me back and said that she was so happy to hear from me and if i would be interested in having a skype call. well i found out that her and my bio dad are actually still together and married. so i was able to meet him. so we started making contact again and opened the adoption. i confided a lot in my bio parents about how alone i felt growing up. one day when i was talking with my mom i was feeling really emotional and i asked why she ever put me up for adoption in the first place and i told her how much it hurt to feel unwanted by her. she cried and told me she loved me. she told me how when she met my adoptive “parents” she was looking for an open adoption and my adopters agreed to it. when i was born my bio mom did skin to skin with me and knew that she wanted to keep me. but my adoptive “mom” convinced her to still place me. she told my bio mom said they would allow visitation and that she would still get to be in my life. my adopters closed the adoption after a year. i confronted my adoptive “parents” about it and they broke down crying they told me how much they loved me and how scared they were that they would lose me. it ended with them saying that they would let my parents visit and that we should get family therapy. however i still have no attachment to them. i honestly don’t think of them as my parents or my family. the only people who hold that title in my heart are my bio fam. well that was all 3 years ago and since then i go to college near where my bio parents and extended bio family live and i am living with my bio parents. i have also started referring to my bio parents as my mom and dad and calling my adoptive “parents” by their first names. this is a source of arguments between me and adoptive “parents” because to them there worst fear of losing me has come true. the latest argument is over the fact that i changed my name. my adoptive “parents” gave me a white name and used the traditional desi name my bio parents wanted to name me as a middle name. i changed my name so that my middle name became my first name, and my middle name is the name of my bio grandmother who i have also established a relationship with. i also changed my last name to be the same as bio dad’s. my “parents” threw a fit over it and at that moment i realized i get no happiness from being around my adopters and it only brings me stress. i am not their daughter and never was. so i told my adopters that i could not have contact with them any more and they lost it. now my entire adoptive “family” is messaging me on social media to tell me what an asshole i am. aita?	8,046	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pcemtj/aita_for_choosing_my_birth_family_over_adoptive/	2021-08-27 02:53:36	yta. your adoptive parents raised and cared for you from the second you were born and your bio parents had nothing to do with you, until you were old enough to manipulate. your bio parents do not deserve to be called mom and dad and shame on you for not even giving the people who fed and clothed you throughout the years any credit at all. your bio parents aren’t perfect and you put them on some imaginary pedestal that will eventually believe it or not start to crumble.	yta this post breaks my heart because i am also adopted. from another adopted persons opinion, i could never consider my bio parents my real parents after giving me up. it doesn’t matter why parents give up their child, they still gave you up and you were adopted by people who wanted to give you a good life, of which they did. i feel for your adopted parents because while technically you don’t owe them anything, they gave you everything and you’re discarding them like trash.	wtaf did i just read? there’s so much wrong with all of this that i don’t even know where to begin. i cannot believe you have the fcking nerve to call the people who, fed, clothed, raised and put a roof over your head for 15yrs “*my adopters” that is by far one of the worst things i have heard. and truly has my blood boiling* you wanna stand there and believe your adoptive mom forced your incubator to give you up you go ahead and do that but you better recognize that at the end of the day the decision was *hers* nobody else’s. she chose to give you up that was her and sperm donors decision. literally nobody else’s. but yea man believe this delusional fantasy they’re shilling you. your adoptive parents stepped tf up when the other people bailed out. your ability to do this to parents who did nothing but love, support and provide for you is just astonishing and tells us all everything we need to know about what kind person you are. hint: it’s not good. #### yta	as a transracial adoptee it's an unfortunate esh. i can't find the words to describe how much pain everyone here must be feeling. your adoptive parents did the wrong thing by closing the adoption and lying to your bio parents. your bio parents, despite their probable resentment for your adoptive parents, should have created stronger boundaries for your newfound relationship with them and been more empathetic to your adoptive parents who are going through a similar loss of a child now that you've disowned them. you seem like you've grown up with a lot of pain, but you fail to realize that even though the decisions regarding your adoptions were not your own, the decisions you, as an 18yr old, are making now are hurting people. it's sad to know that you didn't bond with the people who raised you and that you must have felt so alone and othered, but it is perfectly okay because it's your choice as to how you go about your adult relationships. however, choices don't have to be unsympathetic, which you are being to your adoptive family. you said yourself that they never did anything to hurt you and that they love you deeply, and if that's true, why is going fully no contact your first resort? the feelings you have about never being their daughter are valid but do not need to be spat out in anger during an argument. you truly have hurt their feelings deeply through no true fault of their own. even if you do not feel the same familial bond that they feel towards you, you can still acknowledge how bonded they are to you and be kind in your journey back into your biological parents' lives. let your adoptive family know how important it is for you to be connected to your bio family, but don't emphasize how little you care for them in the process. by no means do you need to feel grateful for your adoption nor are you obligated to do anything for your adoptive family. i am so glad you've found your family, but please, be kind. if you'd like to discuss further with another transracial adoptee, please message me and good luck <3	sounds odd that your biological parents knew where you were and say they love you, yet never tried to make contact. that suspiciousness aside, yta for wanting to cut contact with the people who raised you.	yes, yta. honestly, if this isn’t a load of bullshit, you come across as terribly selfish and self-centered. have you bothered to ask your bio parents why they put you up for adoption? they obviously couldn’t be arsed to figure out a way to keep you. did your adoptive parents talk to you about why they closed the adoption? did your bio parents cause too much disruption trying to have their cake and eat it, too, not bearing the burden of raising a child but still wanting to play a major role in her life? you say that your adoptive parents treated you well, but that you simply never bonded with them. why is that? they were there for your first steps, your first words, your first day of school, events your bio parents didn’t witness. your adoptive parents are the ones who fed you and reassured you when you had nightmares and nursed you back to health when you were sick, and the best you can say about them is that they were ok and felt like strangers? your adoptive mom sounds like a piece of work, too. she did skin-to-skin contact with you after you were born, and then decided to give you away. i have to wonder if she wasn’t somehow compensated for giving you up. yet she was more than happy to resume a relationship with you after more than a decade, when she could give you a boo-hoo story about how she was wronged by doing what she had planned to do for her entire pregnancy. is your bio family paying for your college, or are you still relying on the generosity of people you can’t deign to consider family?	nta. i’m really surprised by how many commenters think you owe everything to your adoptive parents. transracial adoption is a minefield on its own and if you add coercion that’s another level. i don’t know about your relationship with them but deciding you want to explore your bio family does not make you an ah.	nta. this post should be taken to an adoption or adoptee forum. there is a lot of misguided commentary around the complexities of adoption.	nta, transracial adoptions can be very fraught. the adoption industry can be very coercive to mothers who want to keep the baby. not all adoptive families bond, unfortunately. just like not all bio families maintain contact! you’d probably be better off connecting with other adult transracial adoptees for support than asking here.	honestly, this is above reddit's paygrade. people have a lot of serious feelings about adoption. you see a lot of 'kids don't owe their parents anything for raising them' on here, but it all seems to go out the window any time there's an adoption/fostering thread. my advice would be to talk about all this with a therapist, and also to wait before burning bridges. more things may come to light as more time passes.	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0.477918	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (18f) am a transracial adoptee. i am half indian and half ashkenazi jewish while my adopters are white. my adopters were ok growing up. they never abused me but i never really bonded with them. it felt like being raised by strangers. when i was 15 i found bio mom on facebook and told her who i was. she messaged me back and said that she was so happy to hear from me and if i would be interested in having a skype call. well i found out that her and my bio dad are actually still together and married. so i was able to meet him. so we started making contact again and opened the adoption. i confided a lot in my bio parents about how alone i felt growing up. one day when i was talking with my mom i was feeling really emotional and i asked why she ever put me up for adoption in the first place and i told her how much it hurt to feel unwanted by her. she cried and told me she loved me. she told me how when she met my adoptive “parents” she was looking for an open adoption and my adopters agreed to it. when i was born my bio mom did skin to skin with me and knew that she wanted to keep me. but my adoptive “mom” convinced her to still place me. she told my bio mom said they would allow visitation and that she would still get to be in my life. my adopters closed the adoption after a year. i confronted my adoptive “parents” about it and they broke down crying they told me how much they loved me and how scared they were that they would lose me. it ended with them saying that they would let my parents visit and that we should get family therapy. however i still have no attachment to them. i honestly don’t think of them as my parents or my family. the only people who hold that title in my heart are my bio fam. well that was all 3 years ago and since then i go to college near where my bio parents and extended bio family live and i am living with my bio parents. i have also started referring to my bio parents as my mom and dad and calling my adoptive “parents” by their first names. this is a source of arguments between me and adoptive “parents” because to them there worst fear of losing me has come true. the latest argument is over the fact that i changed my name. my adoptive “parents” gave me a white name and used the traditional desi name my bio parents wanted to name me as a middle name. i changed my name so that my middle name became my first name, and my middle name is the name of my bio grandmother who i have also established a relationship with. i also changed my last name to be the same as bio dad’s. my “parents” threw a fit over it and at that moment i realized i get no happiness from being around my adopters and it only brings me stress. i am not their daughter and never was. so i told my adopters that i could not have contact with them any more and they lost it. now my entire adoptive “family” is messaging me on social media to tell me what an asshole i am. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i (18f) am a transracial adoptee. i am half indian and half ashkenazi jewish while my adopters are white. my adopters were ok growing up. they never abused me but i never really bonded with them. it felt like being raised by strangers. when i was 15 i found bio mom on facebook and told her who i was. she messaged me back and said that she was so happy to hear from me and if i would be interested in having a skype call. well i found out that her and my bio dad are actually still together and married. so i was able to meet him. so we started making contact again and opened the adoption. i confided a lot in my bio parents about how alone i felt growing up. one day when i was talking with my mom i was feeling really emotional and i asked why she ever put me up for adoption in the first place and i told her how much it hurt to feel unwanted by her. she cried and told me she loved me. she told me how when she met my adoptive “parents” she was looking for an open adoption and my adopters agreed to it. when i was born my bio mom did skin to skin with me and knew that she wanted to keep me. but my adoptive “mom” convinced her to still place me. she told my bio mom said they would allow visitation and that she would still get to be in my life. my adopters closed the adoption after a year. i confronted my adoptive “parents” about it and they broke down crying they told me how much they loved me and how scared they were that they would lose me. it ended with them saying that they would let my parents visit and that we should get family therapy. however i still have no attachment to them. i honestly don’t think of them as my parents or my family. the only people who hold that title in my heart are my bio fam. well that was all 3 years ago and since then i go to college near where my bio parents and extended bio family live and i am living with my bio parents. i have also started referring to my bio parents as my mom and dad and calling my adoptive “parents” by their first names. this is a source of arguments between me and adoptive “parents” because to them there worst fear of losing me has come true. the latest argument is over the fact that i changed my name. my adoptive “parents” gave me a white name and used the traditional desi name my bio parents wanted to name me as a middle name. i changed my name so that my middle name became my first name, and my middle name is the name of my bio grandmother who i have also established a relationship with. i also changed my last name to be the same as bio dad’s. my “parents” threw a fit over it and at that moment i realized i get no happiness from being around my adopters and it only brings me stress. i am not their daughter and never was. so i told my adopters that i could not have contact with them any more and they lost it. now my entire adoptive “family” is messaging me on social media to tell me what an asshole i am. aita? [/INST] yta. your adoptive parents raised and cared for you from the second you were born and your bio parents had nothing to do with you, until you were old enough to manipulate. your bio parents do not deserve to be called mom and dad and shame on you for not even giving the people who fed and clothed you throughout the years any credit at all. your bio parents aren’t perfect and you put them on some imaginary pedestal that will eventually believe it or not start to crumble. </s>
AITA for completely ignoring my father’s girlfriend	it’s more like “are we the assholes?” i have a twin (we’re 16,m). we have identical faces, but you can’t mix us up. i have long blonde hair, he has short black hair and piercings. he’s bigger, like he works out. no one mixes us up. we have known her for 2 years. she mixes our names up all the time. at least 3 times a day. we know she’s doing it on purpose to annoy us. so. yesterday i was in living room and she called me my twin’s name. i just ignored her and pretended she wasn’t there. then she called me my name and i answered her normally. my brother did the same, we did it few times. now she’s mad at us, apparently we’re being extremely disrespectful and not being sympathetic because she makes “honest mistake” sometimes.	21,983	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d26xtf/aita_for_completely_ignoring_my_fathers_girlfriend/	2019-09-10 12:36:51	nta. she's going for a power play.	nta if she pushes just let her know you’re not used to answering to a name that’s not yours. when she gets your name right, you’ll respond to her. won’t take long to learn who’s who that way.	nta. does your dad have any previous girlfriends that you know of? you should start calling her by their name. if she gets pissed just remind her "its an honest mistake"	that's no honest mistake. maybe the first time or 2 but to keep doing it is blatant disrespect to you both. nta	nta. she’s should know the difference after two years. you’re not disrespecting her by correcting her in such a subtle way. she needs to get over it.	nta. if this is an honest mistake (and i highly doubt it is), it would be because she doesn't actually care about you enough to get to know you as individuals. her freakout that you are being "disrespectful" is also kinda narcissistic of her.	nta calle her by a different name and get arsey when she doesnt answer	nta 3 times a day with people who look totally different? if it's not some sort of weird power move she should see a neurologist.	nta: if she isn't going to call you by the proper name, you have no reason to respond.	nta. she’s doing it purposely. you guys are right to ignore her when she’s not calling you by your correct names.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it’s more like “are we the assholes?” i have a twin (we’re 16,m). we have identical faces, but you can’t mix us up. i have long blonde hair, he has short black hair and piercings. he’s bigger, like he works out. no one mixes us up. we have known her for 2 years. she mixes our names up all the time. at least 3 times a day. we know she’s doing it on purpose to annoy us. so. yesterday i was in living room and she called me my twin’s name. i just ignored her and pretended she wasn’t there. then she called me my name and i answered her normally. my brother did the same, we did it few times. now she’s mad at us, apparently we’re being extremely disrespectful and not being sympathetic because she makes “honest mistake” sometimes.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> it’s more like “are we the assholes?” i have a twin (we’re 16,m). we have identical faces, but you can’t mix us up. i have long blonde hair, he has short black hair and piercings. he’s bigger, like he works out. no one mixes us up. we have known her for 2 years. she mixes our names up all the time. at least 3 times a day. we know she’s doing it on purpose to annoy us. so. yesterday i was in living room and she called me my twin’s name. i just ignored her and pretended she wasn’t there. then she called me my name and i answered her normally. my brother did the same, we did it few times. now she’s mad at us, apparently we’re being extremely disrespectful and not being sympathetic because she makes “honest mistake” sometimes. [/INST] nta. she's going for a power play. </s>
AITA For Not Telling My GF Why I'm Tall?	i'm m23 and my gf is f24 we've been together for a year. back when i was 18 i went abroad for uni and i started getting taller slowly at first, i was about 5'5 when i left and slowly after about 7 months i was 5'10. i went to the dr in the country i was studying in and they assured me i was in puberty still and i'm just getting taller. i went home for the summer and everyone was surprised that i'm like a normal height now and it was nice being taller. i had no medical symptoms so didn't go to the dr in my country since i was healthy. i was still growing slightly and i was around 6ft tall when i left back to go abroad for school in the fall. once i got back to school i started having a lot of migraines and dizzyness etc. it was pretty mild so i stupidly ignored it for a few months but i was still growing and about 6'2 by the winter. i went to a large hospital near my uni instead and they gave me a brain scan and mri and they discovered i had a smallish tumor on my pituitary glad and this was causing my symptoms and crazy height gain. the tumor was stimulating the gland to release high amounts of hgh. i flew back home asap and my parents took me to the hospital and thankfully it was benign and it was removed easily. so after all that i'm 6'3.5 after about 2 yrs of having this tumor while both my parents are 5'3. so i was destined to be short and all my kids probably were too. i met my gf last year and i basically have no health problems from it, i just go in for check ups on my hormones and a brain scan every 6 months. i told my gf that i had a brain tumor but it wasn't a big deal and she didn't care too much about it since we dealt with it. i didn't tell her it caused me to get tall because idk she never asked and none of my friends or family cared and no one talks about it. she found a picture of me at my prom and i looked really short and she was like wow you grew so much and i told her ya its because of that tumor i told you about. she was surprised and asked more about it so i non chalantly told her what happened and how i would have been 5'5 if it didn't. to my surprise she got mad and said that i was lying to her about my height and that if we had kids they would be short since everyone in my family is. which is true my genes didn't change, my kids would probably also be short. called me a huge asshole and has been distant with me for a couple of days. for context she's 5'6 &#x200b; \\\edit\\\\* for everyone messaging me asking if my dick got bigger during this the answer is yes it did. but the doctors i saw all agree that it was because i was still in the latter stages of puberty still (late bloomer). but its still in the average range, just in the higher part of that range now lol. &#x200b; aita?	18,783	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gusl5n/aita_for_not_telling_my_gf_why_im_tall/	2020-06-01 20:42:48	nta why does she care so much about how tall your hypothetical kids would be? it’s not like shorter people have horrible lives. and for her to accuse you of being a liar is a real overreaction on her part.	100% nta. you can’t control the tumor that grew in your brain. how can you lie about your height? are you kidding me? my brother is 6’8”, and he has a son that’s only 5’7”. genes wouldn’t guarantee a short/tall child anyways— it increases the likelihood, that’s about it. if she was so perfectly happy to be with you before, and is now not happy since a completely out of control circumstance made you taller, she’s not a girlfriend, she’s a shallow pile of red flags.	nta, your girlfriend is prejudiced against short people. not cool.	nta. dude, 🚩	nta it's weird, because you'd think being taller (and therefore, having more volume) would make it harder to dodge a bullet, not easier, as it was in your case.	lol lying?? nta. you can do better fam.	????? nta but like wtf? you don’t owe anyone explanations for your height. shsjdjdjdjdjdk	nta. i find this super weird and not important. your girlfriend is super immature. p.s. she dropped several of these 🚩 🚩 🚩	nta. what if all your potential children took after her? height obsession blows my mind.	nta it seems like you've disclosed plenty about yourself to her -- about you having a tumor, etc. and likely she's seen pictures or met your parents also. her considering the potential height of your potential kids is just very weird and entirely off as far as relationship material goes. you are not a breeding stallion for her to need the exact heights of all of your relatives.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm m23 and my gf is f24 we've been together for a year. back when i was 18 i went abroad for uni and i started getting taller slowly at first, i was about 5'5 when i left and slowly after about 7 months i was 5'10. i went to the dr in the country i was studying in and they assured me i was in puberty still and i'm just getting taller. i went home for the summer and everyone was surprised that i'm like a normal height now and it was nice being taller. i had no medical symptoms so didn't go to the dr in my country since i was healthy. i was still growing slightly and i was around 6ft tall when i left back to go abroad for school in the fall. once i got back to school i started having a lot of migraines and dizzyness etc. it was pretty mild so i stupidly ignored it for a few months but i was still growing and about 6'2 by the winter. i went to a large hospital near my uni instead and they gave me a brain scan and mri and they discovered i had a smallish tumor on my pituitary glad and this was causing my symptoms and crazy height gain. the tumor was stimulating the gland to release high amounts of hgh. i flew back home asap and my parents took me to the hospital and thankfully it was benign and it was removed easily. so after all that i'm 6'3.5 after about 2 yrs of having this tumor while both my parents are 5'3. so i was destined to be short and all my kids probably were too. i met my gf last year and i basically have no health problems from it, i just go in for check ups on my hormones and a brain scan every 6 months. i told my gf that i had a brain tumor but it wasn't a big deal and she didn't care too much about it since we dealt with it. i didn't tell her it caused me to get tall because idk she never asked and none of my friends or family cared and no one talks about it. she found a picture of me at my prom and i looked really short and she was like wow you grew so much and i told her ya its because of that tumor i told you about. she was surprised and asked more about it so i non chalantly told her what happened and how i would have been 5'5 if it didn't. to my surprise she got mad and said that i was lying to her about my height and that if we had kids they would be short since everyone in my family is. which is true my genes didn't change, my kids would probably also be short. called me a huge asshole and has been distant with me for a couple of days. for context she's 5'6 &#x200b; \\\edit\\\\* for everyone messaging me asking if my dick got bigger during this the answer is yes it did. but the doctors i saw all agree that it was because i was still in the latter stages of puberty still (late bloomer). but its still in the average range, just in the higher part of that range now lol. &#x200b; aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm m23 and my gf is f24 we've been together for a year. back when i was 18 i went abroad for uni and i started getting taller slowly at first, i was about 5'5 when i left and slowly after about 7 months i was 5'10. i went to the dr in the country i was studying in and they assured me i was in puberty still and i'm just getting taller. i went home for the summer and everyone was surprised that i'm like a normal height now and it was nice being taller. i had no medical symptoms so didn't go to the dr in my country since i was healthy. i was still growing slightly and i was around 6ft tall when i left back to go abroad for school in the fall. once i got back to school i started having a lot of migraines and dizzyness etc. it was pretty mild so i stupidly ignored it for a few months but i was still growing and about 6'2 by the winter. i went to a large hospital near my uni instead and they gave me a brain scan and mri and they discovered i had a smallish tumor on my pituitary glad and this was causing my symptoms and crazy height gain. the tumor was stimulating the gland to release high amounts of hgh. i flew back home asap and my parents took me to the hospital and thankfully it was benign and it was removed easily. so after all that i'm 6'3.5 after about 2 yrs of having this tumor while both my parents are 5'3. so i was destined to be short and all my kids probably were too. i met my gf last year and i basically have no health problems from it, i just go in for check ups on my hormones and a brain scan every 6 months. i told my gf that i had a brain tumor but it wasn't a big deal and she didn't care too much about it since we dealt with it. i didn't tell her it caused me to get tall because idk she never asked and none of my friends or family cared and no one talks about it. she found a picture of me at my prom and i looked really short and she was like wow you grew so much and i told her ya its because of that tumor i told you about. she was surprised and asked more about it so i non chalantly told her what happened and how i would have been 5'5 if it didn't. to my surprise she got mad and said that i was lying to her about my height and that if we had kids they would be short since everyone in my family is. which is true my genes didn't change, my kids would probably also be short. called me a huge asshole and has been distant with me for a couple of days. for context she's 5'6 &#x200b; \\\edit\\\\* for everyone messaging me asking if my dick got bigger during this the answer is yes it did. but the doctors i saw all agree that it was because i was still in the latter stages of puberty still (late bloomer). but its still in the average range, just in the higher part of that range now lol. &#x200b; aita? [/INST] nta why does she care so much about how tall your hypothetical kids would be? it’s not like shorter people have horrible lives. and for her to accuse you of being a liar is a real overreaction on her part. </s>
AITA for sending my son to school in a dress	my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita	26,577	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1jjlx/aita_for_sending_my_son_to_school_in_a_dress/	2019-09-09 00:41:19	nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op!	a gentle esh i don't think there's anything wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and neither do you, which is great, but you should have realized that letting him walk into school like that was a recipe for disaster. most people do not think a guy should wear a dress, and that includes little kids, who can and will be cruel. hopefully the other kids will forget about in a month or so, but for now your son is going to face some taunting when he gets to school. obligatory	yta 100%. until he's old enough to understand the potential social ramifications and decide whether he's up for the challenge, or until kids stop bullying others over stuff that's odd to them, you decide to take your kids out of harm's way and then you do it. you inadvertently made a social/political statement at your son's expense.	yta. you didn’t have any type of discussion with your child about what could happen, you just let him because you were busy. that makes you ta.	yta, my god second grade is when kids really start to kick the bullying into gear. like yeah once he gets older you shouldn't police his clothing, but keep it normal and age appropriate for now.	yta. you're right that it shouldn't be a big deal as long as he was properly clothed in terms of health/sanitary concerns and he wasn't wearing like a swastika or something. but unfortunately we live in the real world. this was such an obvious outcome that it makes you the asshole for not at least having a discussion with your son and how you support him and his self expression, but others may be mean to him over this and feel it's inappropriate. then, if after a discussion he still wants to wear it then ok and he's ready to ignore bullies.	yta - wanting to teach your kid tolerance and open mindedness is admirable, but you did it in exactly the wrong way. you let him make a stupid decision that subjected him to humiliation that he and his classmates will not soon forget. that’s dumb. anyone on the “let boys wear dresses” train has good ideals, but it’s parents jobs to help them navigate the world they live in, not live out fantasies of a better one.	why the hell is the school not punishing the little shits who bullied your son? why should he have to change because they’re ill behaved brats? you should stand your ground on this. your son wanted to wear a dress, he was expressing himself. the bullying from the other kids will have obviously upset him, but the reaction from his parents is more important. you should be standing up for him and demanding the school address their students’ behaviour, not arguing with your wife about who’s at fault. neither of you are, but the school and those brats are. stand up for your kid now or he’ll internalise it. if he wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. for now i’m going to say esh, because all the adults in this situation are ignoring the real issue and those brats are nasty. i hope your son regains his confidence to be proud of who he is	nta. it frustrates me that your son was singled out as the "problem" instead of the children doing the bullying. the teacher/school/whomever was in charge could have taken a moment to reinforce the idea "if you don't have anything nice to say..." other posters make a good point that in a perfect setting you would have prepared him that sometimes people say rude things. but, overall i appreciated you realizing you should treat him and your daughter the same, and let them express themselves.	yta dude. you either a) let your son do it because of some “politically neutral” bullshit or b) because you didn’t want to be late for work. which either way makes you a shitty parent. he will be the boy who wore a dress to school for potentially years now. you didn’t specify age but i’m guessing he’s 10 or under. this isn’t a teenager saying dad i think i want to dress like a lady, this is a child making a childish decision. you as an adult should have made a better one. unfortunately you didn’t and now he will be the one who suffers for it.	NTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	0.193649	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son started second grade last week. i get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she's got a graveyard shift). he's got a twin sister. i told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. my son picked one up and said "i want to wear this." i'm thinking, whatever dude, we're running late just put some kind of clothes on and let's get out the door. i'm pretty politically neutral so while i wouldn't say i was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn't nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that i could be late for work if we didn't get out the door. i figured ok, i wouldn't ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn't ladylike so i shouldn't tell my son not to do something because it isn't manly. i drop him off and get to work. three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he's being bullied. he was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. my wife is irate asking how i couldn't have realized that was inappropriate and i was setting our son up to fail. so is just about everyone else i've run this by. my wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he'll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he'll be known as "the one who wore a dress" and i was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because i was in a rush and our son suffered for it. at the time, i truly didn't think it was that big a deal, but that doesn't change that i put my son in harm's way so now i'm not sure whether i made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. aita [/INST] nta what a refreshing take on parenthood. it seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. you did what your son asked and i think that makes you a pretty great parent. good on you op! </s>
AITA for calling my fiancee lazy for wanting to be a stay-at-home wife?	i'm (42m) am engaged to who i feel is "the one" (33f) - we had been dating for just over 3 years and i proposed last month. last night - after another session of wedding planning, my fiancee asked if i would be alright with her being a stay-at-home wife. at first, i laughed because i thought she was joking, but she was being very serious. she told me not to laugh and said she wants to be a stay-at-home wife. i asked her why as we both make pretty good money at our jobs, and we can't afford our current lifestyle with just one income. she says it's because i make a lot more (which is true, i make about 40% more) than her and we could scale back our lifestyle - and said "it's been on my mind a lot - i think working 9-5 just isn't for me" i asked her if she was being serious, and she confirmed that she is. i said that i'm not comfortable with that idea, and said maybe if we have kids she could be a stay-at-home mom but i'm not cool with her being a stay-at-home wife. and she said that i was being "manipulative". since we're both child-free. but i just said that as a hypothetical - since i'm not at all okay with being the sole 'bread-winner". that divulged into a pretty heated argument. with her saying that i should "support her dreams" (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though i did ask) so this is where i may be the asshole - in the heat of the moment i said "where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? is it your dream to be lazy?" she got really upset at that, and had gone to her mothers and said "we'll talk more when you calm down" i'll be real here, i don't want her to be a stay at home wife, i'm not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and i do not wish to support this "dream" - i want a partner in life, not a dependant doing nothing productive with their days. aita?	20,492	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pa3j1w/aita_for_calling_my_fiancee_lazy_for_wanting_to/	2021-08-23 16:37:08	nta. so she waits until you propose and she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger to tell you her "dream" of being lazy and then has the nerve to say that you're the manipulative one? jesus.	lol, "support her dreams". if my husband had a dream to go back to college i would support that. if he had a dream to start his own business in an area he was passionate about i would support that. if he had a dream to sit on his arse and play video games - be a 'stay at home husband' - he would soon be supporting my dream to be divorced. it sounds like you and your fiancée have very different values in life. nta.	nta it's weird to me that you guys have been dating for 3 years, and this conversation hasn't come up until 1 month after being engaged.	nta. being a sahm is a job.. being a stay at home wife is being a freeloader	nah you two are incompatible. there is zero reason for you to scale back your lifestyle if you don't want to. it's fine for her to want to be a housewife. it's also fine for you to not want to be married to a housewife. do not marry this woman.	nta. good thing she told you the future before you got married.	nta. i also want to quit my job and be a stay at home spouse. it's not feasible.	info does she have a plan for what she'd be doing at home? as you said right now you don't have children. does she want to start a business or go back to school?	marriage is 50/50 or a compromise. if she’s calling you manipulative over this then you have some major 🚩 she doesn’t want to be a 50/50 unit.	nta: you could have been a bit tactful but surviving on a single income is not a good idea. what if you lose the ability to work through health or accident. after two years of staying at home she would be unemployable.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	0.009259	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm (42m) am engaged to who i feel is "the one" (33f) - we had been dating for just over 3 years and i proposed last month. last night - after another session of wedding planning, my fiancee asked if i would be alright with her being a stay-at-home wife. at first, i laughed because i thought she was joking, but she was being very serious. she told me not to laugh and said she wants to be a stay-at-home wife. i asked her why as we both make pretty good money at our jobs, and we can't afford our current lifestyle with just one income. she says it's because i make a lot more (which is true, i make about 40% more) than her and we could scale back our lifestyle - and said "it's been on my mind a lot - i think working 9-5 just isn't for me" i asked her if she was being serious, and she confirmed that she is. i said that i'm not comfortable with that idea, and said maybe if we have kids she could be a stay-at-home mom but i'm not cool with her being a stay-at-home wife. and she said that i was being "manipulative". since we're both child-free. but i just said that as a hypothetical - since i'm not at all okay with being the sole 'bread-winner". that divulged into a pretty heated argument. with her saying that i should "support her dreams" (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though i did ask) so this is where i may be the asshole - in the heat of the moment i said "where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? is it your dream to be lazy?" she got really upset at that, and had gone to her mothers and said "we'll talk more when you calm down" i'll be real here, i don't want her to be a stay at home wife, i'm not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and i do not wish to support this "dream" - i want a partner in life, not a dependant doing nothing productive with their days. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm (42m) am engaged to who i feel is "the one" (33f) - we had been dating for just over 3 years and i proposed last month. last night - after another session of wedding planning, my fiancee asked if i would be alright with her being a stay-at-home wife. at first, i laughed because i thought she was joking, but she was being very serious. she told me not to laugh and said she wants to be a stay-at-home wife. i asked her why as we both make pretty good money at our jobs, and we can't afford our current lifestyle with just one income. she says it's because i make a lot more (which is true, i make about 40% more) than her and we could scale back our lifestyle - and said "it's been on my mind a lot - i think working 9-5 just isn't for me" i asked her if she was being serious, and she confirmed that she is. i said that i'm not comfortable with that idea, and said maybe if we have kids she could be a stay-at-home mom but i'm not cool with her being a stay-at-home wife. and she said that i was being "manipulative". since we're both child-free. but i just said that as a hypothetical - since i'm not at all okay with being the sole 'bread-winner". that divulged into a pretty heated argument. with her saying that i should "support her dreams" (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though i did ask) so this is where i may be the asshole - in the heat of the moment i said "where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? is it your dream to be lazy?" she got really upset at that, and had gone to her mothers and said "we'll talk more when you calm down" i'll be real here, i don't want her to be a stay at home wife, i'm not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and i do not wish to support this "dream" - i want a partner in life, not a dependant doing nothing productive with their days. aita? [/INST] nta. so she waits until you propose and she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger to tell you her "dream" of being lazy and then has the nerve to say that you're the manipulative one? jesus. </s>
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over my video games.	so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita?	29,049	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/brov5g/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_girlfriend_over_my/	2019-05-22 13:34:56	nta, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she's willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn't bode well for the future.	nta she's not the boss of you and needs to learn to compromise. you don't get together with someone then start dictating how they act. the people who say your screwed up are not your friends.	nta. partners shouldn't give ultimatums and conditions for relationships. she knows who you are as a person and about your collection before moving in. if it's a problem for her and that makes the relationship not work for her, then she should walk away. an ultimatum like that is straight up manipulative bs and you're better to be rid of her.	info: why does she want you to get rid of your collection? is it a hoarder house situation with towers of disks and cartridges up to the ceiling or is there another reason?	there has to be more to this story than this. what's the reason for her wanting you to get rid of the games? how did you react initially?	nta. she gave you an ultimatum about a hobby/collection that has monetary value? seems like you dodged a bullet	info - how many games are you exactly playing? like 20 hours a day of it, or in your spare time? if she's pissed that you have it at all, clearly nta, but if you're playing all day ignoring her, then esh in my opinion.	info: why was she so dead set about you giving up your collection? that is a wierd hill to die on.	info i refuse to believe that's all there is to this, people don't just act like this unless there's something wrong. like, how they're stacked, is it a hoarding problem, how much money do you spend on games, how much time do you spend playing them, etc. like, nobody acts that irrationally for no reason and especially not over bloody games. there's *got* to be more. did she give a reason? has she ever shown any disdain for your collection previously over the years?	nta. anyone who gives you an ultimatum like that doesn't respect you and you are better off without them.	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	INFO	INFO	INFO	NTA	0.098154	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i have a decent video collection, i will not post pictures as i do not want this post linked to my actual account. my girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but i thought she was joking so i brushed it off. turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and i've been keeping them so they can become more expensive. my collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and i do not want to throw that away, i tried to explain it but she refused and told me that i did not love her enough to make this sacrifice. about 2/3 days ago she called me and said it's me or the fucking video games. i chose the games and she hung up on me. everyone that i've spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me i fucked up, and that i should of picked her over some games. aita? [/INST] nta, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she's willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn't bode well for the future. </s>
AITA - for not allowing someone to propose during my wedding reception and for planning on not going to their wedding?	longtime lurker, first time account/posting - i’ve debated posting this for a while now, but since i’ve been so vocal the last few days on this subreddit i figured it was time to find out if i was ta instead of just commenting on others. my wedding was september 21st, 2019. we had a fairly decent sized wedding. my cousin (on my stepdads side - we are not close whatsoever) and her boyfriend have only been dating not even 6 months at this point. i’ve met the guy once before my wedding and he never shows up to any family functions. we’re all having a great time at my wedding. my husband and i are mingling with guest while everyone dances. the next thing i know is my cousins boyfriend asks the dj for his mike and goes to the center of the dance floor saying he has an “announcement” to make and calls my cousin over. so, i rush over and say, “nope, no one is getting engaged during my special day especially during my reception. you can get engaged later tonight but not right now. it’s my day. thank you for understanding.” and i go to walk away. my cousin starts puffing and my aunt (her mom) starts yelling at me and calling me an entitled brat. it causes a huge fight and they all end up leaving. my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom all are on my side and were even pissed that they think its okay to do that during a wedding they all paid for. my nana (step dads mom) says i was wrong and told me to apologize and call them over and allow him to propose. needless to say, it didn’t happen. flash forward to christmas. ugh, it was terrible! my stepdads entire side were rude and ignoring my husband and i. and of course, guess what happens! my cousin and her now fiancé announced their wedding date - september 21st, 2020! i’m beyond pissed and so not planning to go. it’s my damn one year wedding anniversary! my family is upset that they would do that to piss me off for not allowing them to get engaged during my reception. my cousin says they chose to get married on their one year engagement anniversary. either way, regardless of the real reason, i’m still upset. of course, my nana is super excited. so reddit, aita for not allowing them to get engaged during my wedding reception and aita for not attending the wedding on my one year anniversary?	22,641	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ej5jdk/aita_for_not_allowing_someone_to_propose_during/	2020-01-02 22:33:15	nta you don’t get to hijack someone else’s event to make it your event. and wtf kind of do thinks this is ok??? as it’s your anniversary you will be otherwise occupied.	nta at all! it was your day! incredibly rude! furthermore, he should have asked you first and you could have politely said no, saving any embarrassment. morons.	nta that is extremely tacky of someone to do!!!! to propose at your wedding? holy crap. your family is awful. this person isn't even someone you know!! and they didn't even ask you, he just did it?!?!?! jesus trash. your nana sucks.	nta. incredibly toxic people. don’t know how you didn’t flip on them at christmas	nta. it's rude to command the stage and then do the proposal without the consent of the bride and groom. and it looks incredibly petty to get married on your anniversary (which is also their engagement anniversary).	yta for posting this when you already knew you weren’t the asshole and then responding to all the positive comments. ugh.	nta. proposing at a wedding is straight up rude. especially without permission. you were 100% in the right to stop that from happening. a lot of work, time and money goes into planning a wedding and reception. taking advantage of that to make it all about you is super messed up. as for attending their wedding, i’d say might as well go and drink on their dime. i enjoy weddings, so it probably wouldn’t bother me a ton. you could always ask the dj for the mic to make a speech about how happy you are to have been married for a year, and how wonderful it is to spend your anniversary with all of your family. don’t mention the couple at all. see how they like someone pulling the focus away from a day they worked hard for.	nta. i just got married a few months ago too and i couldn’t even imagine how i would handle this sort of thing going down. your dj also should have known better than to give the mic to a random guest... i hope you brought that up with the dj as well.	bracing for downvotes here, but info. please hear me out: let’s get the obvious out of the way, is it wrong to propose at a wedding without so much as asking first? 100%. easily an asshole move, it seems that everyone agrees on that. i’m not arguing against that at all. but when you’re cousin’s boyfriend went to make his announcement, did you speak with him privately or did you speak into the microphone to everyone? because if you literally said “nope, no one is getting engaged on my special day. it’s my day, you can get engaged later” to the entire crowd...well i can’t picture you not looking like an asshole in that light. again, i’m just asking because it kinda reads like you said that into the mic, but it’s unclear. but if you really did, i gotta say eta. are they still the bigger assholes with the anniversary thing and all? probably. does that change how one should have handled this situation? probably not. in the end did it even work? was your day more derailed by the fight than it would have been by the proposal? i don’t want to make any off base assumptions so i’m sorry if it comes across that way, but i also don’t want to blindly jump on the reddt nta express.	sounds like what you did ended up making the wedding a lot worse than it would have been if you had just left it alone. it’s also really trashy to propose at a wedding. esh.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	ESH	0.146375	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: longtime lurker, first time account/posting - i’ve debated posting this for a while now, but since i’ve been so vocal the last few days on this subreddit i figured it was time to find out if i was ta instead of just commenting on others. my wedding was september 21st, 2019. we had a fairly decent sized wedding. my cousin (on my stepdads side - we are not close whatsoever) and her boyfriend have only been dating not even 6 months at this point. i’ve met the guy once before my wedding and he never shows up to any family functions. we’re all having a great time at my wedding. my husband and i are mingling with guest while everyone dances. the next thing i know is my cousins boyfriend asks the dj for his mike and goes to the center of the dance floor saying he has an “announcement” to make and calls my cousin over. so, i rush over and say, “nope, no one is getting engaged during my special day especially during my reception. you can get engaged later tonight but not right now. it’s my day. thank you for understanding.” and i go to walk away. my cousin starts puffing and my aunt (her mom) starts yelling at me and calling me an entitled brat. it causes a huge fight and they all end up leaving. my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom all are on my side and were even pissed that they think its okay to do that during a wedding they all paid for. my nana (step dads mom) says i was wrong and told me to apologize and call them over and allow him to propose. needless to say, it didn’t happen. flash forward to christmas. ugh, it was terrible! my stepdads entire side were rude and ignoring my husband and i. and of course, guess what happens! my cousin and her now fiancé announced their wedding date - september 21st, 2020! i’m beyond pissed and so not planning to go. it’s my damn one year wedding anniversary! my family is upset that they would do that to piss me off for not allowing them to get engaged during my reception. my cousin says they chose to get married on their one year engagement anniversary. either way, regardless of the real reason, i’m still upset. of course, my nana is super excited. so reddit, aita for not allowing them to get engaged during my wedding reception and aita for not attending the wedding on my one year anniversary?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> longtime lurker, first time account/posting - i’ve debated posting this for a while now, but since i’ve been so vocal the last few days on this subreddit i figured it was time to find out if i was ta instead of just commenting on others. my wedding was september 21st, 2019. we had a fairly decent sized wedding. my cousin (on my stepdads side - we are not close whatsoever) and her boyfriend have only been dating not even 6 months at this point. i’ve met the guy once before my wedding and he never shows up to any family functions. we’re all having a great time at my wedding. my husband and i are mingling with guest while everyone dances. the next thing i know is my cousins boyfriend asks the dj for his mike and goes to the center of the dance floor saying he has an “announcement” to make and calls my cousin over. so, i rush over and say, “nope, no one is getting engaged during my special day especially during my reception. you can get engaged later tonight but not right now. it’s my day. thank you for understanding.” and i go to walk away. my cousin starts puffing and my aunt (her mom) starts yelling at me and calling me an entitled brat. it causes a huge fight and they all end up leaving. my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom all are on my side and were even pissed that they think its okay to do that during a wedding they all paid for. my nana (step dads mom) says i was wrong and told me to apologize and call them over and allow him to propose. needless to say, it didn’t happen. flash forward to christmas. ugh, it was terrible! my stepdads entire side were rude and ignoring my husband and i. and of course, guess what happens! my cousin and her now fiancé announced their wedding date - september 21st, 2020! i’m beyond pissed and so not planning to go. it’s my damn one year wedding anniversary! my family is upset that they would do that to piss me off for not allowing them to get engaged during my reception. my cousin says they chose to get married on their one year engagement anniversary. either way, regardless of the real reason, i’m still upset. of course, my nana is super excited. so reddit, aita for not allowing them to get engaged during my wedding reception and aita for not attending the wedding on my one year anniversary? [/INST] nta you don’t get to hijack someone else’s event to make it your event. and wtf kind of do thinks this is ok??? as it’s your anniversary you will be otherwise occupied. </s>
AITA for being mad my husband ate without me?	my husband took me out to a birthday dinner (my birthday). while we were waiting on the food, i saw an old co-worker and told my husband i wanted to go speak to them for a moment. while talking, i kept looking back towards our table to see if our food was out and to check on my husband. no food that i could tell (i’m super nearsighted), and he seemed to be reading something on his phone. i wrapped up the convo (may have been 10-15 mins) only to come back to him finishing his food. i asked if he was done already, why didn’t he let me know the food was out etc and he started saying he had small portions, didn’t think it was a big deal, didn’t want to interrupt my conversation etc. i asked why didn’t he motion towards me or something, he said he didn’t think it would be a big deal for him to just eat. now i understand what some may think about me walking over to speak to the former co-worker, it was a quick 10-15 mins conversation and moving on. i even asked him if he minded if i went over and spoke to them for a few minutes because i had not seen them in quite sometime. (they are older).this wasn’t a super fancy sit down restaurant either, our budget was tight so we went to cracker barrel. i feel like he could have at least let me know the food was out t something. a little more context, we’ve been married 16 years, two teens etc. nothing like this has ever happened before.	9,745	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xmundm/aita_for_being_mad_my_husband_ate_without_me/	2022-09-24 14:42:59	yta. walking away for 15 minutes when you had food ordered and were supposed to be celebrating with your husband is way more rude than your husband eating his food while it was hot and fresh. you should be apologetic, not indignant.	yta. lmfao and it’s rude to get up from dinner and have a conversation for 10-15 minutes and leave your husband sitting there.	a 10-15 minute absence from a date with your spouse is not a quick conversation. yta.	yta you went out to eat with your husband. he assumed you preferred to talk to someone else so didn't bother you. he went there to spend time with you and have dinner. since you decided against the first, he decided to go ahead and do the second. unless she was eating alone, you were also rude to anyone else at her table.	yta: both to your husband and probably to the old co worker who likely just wanted to get on with their own meal and dining partner(a).	yta. 15 minutes really is a long amount of time when you’re sitting by yourself doing nothing but waiting. also, it doesn’t even seem like he was upset at waiting, seems he was perfectly understanding. you’re the one that’s making it an issue. if you were that worried about your food you wouldn’t have stayed away so long.	in what universe is a 10-15 minute conversation “quick?” yta.	yta. you left him alone for 10-15 minutes?! that's a long time.	yta expecting someone to wait 15 minutes when you leave is not reasonable. did you expect him to leave the food on the table unattended and interrupt your conversation? you chose to prioritize that conversation over your birthday dinner, not him.	yta &#x200b; if your husband was able to eat all of his food while you were chatting, you were the asshole for going on a date and abandoning him that long.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband took me out to a birthday dinner (my birthday). while we were waiting on the food, i saw an old co-worker and told my husband i wanted to go speak to them for a moment. while talking, i kept looking back towards our table to see if our food was out and to check on my husband. no food that i could tell (i’m super nearsighted), and he seemed to be reading something on his phone. i wrapped up the convo (may have been 10-15 mins) only to come back to him finishing his food. i asked if he was done already, why didn’t he let me know the food was out etc and he started saying he had small portions, didn’t think it was a big deal, didn’t want to interrupt my conversation etc. i asked why didn’t he motion towards me or something, he said he didn’t think it would be a big deal for him to just eat. now i understand what some may think about me walking over to speak to the former co-worker, it was a quick 10-15 mins conversation and moving on. i even asked him if he minded if i went over and spoke to them for a few minutes because i had not seen them in quite sometime. (they are older).this wasn’t a super fancy sit down restaurant either, our budget was tight so we went to cracker barrel. i feel like he could have at least let me know the food was out t something. a little more context, we’ve been married 16 years, two teens etc. nothing like this has ever happened before.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband took me out to a birthday dinner (my birthday). while we were waiting on the food, i saw an old co-worker and told my husband i wanted to go speak to them for a moment. while talking, i kept looking back towards our table to see if our food was out and to check on my husband. no food that i could tell (i’m super nearsighted), and he seemed to be reading something on his phone. i wrapped up the convo (may have been 10-15 mins) only to come back to him finishing his food. i asked if he was done already, why didn’t he let me know the food was out etc and he started saying he had small portions, didn’t think it was a big deal, didn’t want to interrupt my conversation etc. i asked why didn’t he motion towards me or something, he said he didn’t think it would be a big deal for him to just eat. now i understand what some may think about me walking over to speak to the former co-worker, it was a quick 10-15 mins conversation and moving on. i even asked him if he minded if i went over and spoke to them for a few minutes because i had not seen them in quite sometime. (they are older).this wasn’t a super fancy sit down restaurant either, our budget was tight so we went to cracker barrel. i feel like he could have at least let me know the food was out t something. a little more context, we’ve been married 16 years, two teens etc. nothing like this has ever happened before. [/INST] yta. walking away for 15 minutes when you had food ordered and were supposed to be celebrating with your husband is way more rude than your husband eating his food while it was hot and fresh. you should be apologetic, not indignant. </s>
AITA for not giving my food to my aunt?	i'm 17m. i really like cooking and i'm very good at it. i wish to become a professional chef when i grow up, and have already written a cookbook. everybody in my family knows this about me, and on several occasions i have made (with help from my sister) meals for family gatherings. that said, i do not like sharing my food. once i take food onto my plate, i don't like anybody else eating from my plate. i love food and always make enough so that i will feel full. if other people are going to eat, i do make extra, however i enjoy taking a full plate's serving of my favourite dishes and like to finish it all. my parents know this and so does my sister. usually nobody else asks for me to share my food with them. yesterday my mother and aunt went out for dinner and i was home alone. i made some crock pot spaghetti and meatballs and sat down to eat in front of the television. after 5 minutes my mom and aunt came back home. i asked them how dinner was and they said it was fine. my aunt saw me eating spaghetti and told me how mouth watering my food is. i thanked her and continued to eat. she kept eyeing my plate as i was eating and i felt a little uncomfortable. my mom saw this and said "hey why don't you give some to aunt meg". i chuckled and said "oh sorry there's none left, if i'd have known you wanted it i could have made more!" my aunt said "that's okay you can just give me half of yours!". i was a little taken aback and looked at my mom, but she nodded at me urging me to give her my food. i said "didn't you guys have dinner already?" she said "yes but you know i can't control myself around your food haha". she even went to the kitchen and got a plate and fork for herself and was coming to where i was sitting to take food from me. i stood up and said "hey i think i'm gonna go finish this in my room", went to my room and locked the door and finished my food. by the time i came out my aunt was gone and my mother was very mad at me for disrespecting her like that. was i in the wrong here?	19,452	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jm3t3r/aita_for_not_giving_my_food_to_my_aunt/	2020-11-01 15:12:49	nta joey doesnt share food	nta. she didn’t get the hints (plural). your mother should not have offered \your food\ to the piggy aunt. maybe aunt “can’t control” herself around your food, but you can. i would ask mother exactly how not giving aunt food from your plate is disrespectful of aunt, but aunt literally taking food from your plate \after she just finished a meal\ and so was clearly not as hungry as you is disrespectful.	nta it’s rude to ask for someone’s food on their plate, and half at that. your mom, i presume, knows how you are and she should have diverted her sister.	why would you give half your dinner away? then you'd be still hungry afterwards. nta	nta, that's rude as heck	nta who asks for food after a full meal? and your mom knows you don't like to share? why can't she explain this instead of telling you that you need to share? while it would have made things easier to say "i'm not comfortable sharing" in this case you owed them nothing and it's super rude to come up to someone and be like "give me half" like good grief. asking for a bite i could understand but half? heck no.	nta. once its on someones plate its off limits. acting entitled to someone elses dinner (after you’ve already eaten) is soooo rude. your mother should have shut it down the moment she said something. you deserve to eat dinner. aunt needs to learn some manners.	so aunt gets 1 1/2 dinners and a growing child gets only half a dinner? when said child made the food? wtf?! nta	nta. good cook or not, she is not entitled to your food	nta - no one is entitled to the food on your plate. the aunt is an adult, if she can't control herself around your food then she should work on that.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 17m. i really like cooking and i'm very good at it. i wish to become a professional chef when i grow up, and have already written a cookbook. everybody in my family knows this about me, and on several occasions i have made (with help from my sister) meals for family gatherings. that said, i do not like sharing my food. once i take food onto my plate, i don't like anybody else eating from my plate. i love food and always make enough so that i will feel full. if other people are going to eat, i do make extra, however i enjoy taking a full plate's serving of my favourite dishes and like to finish it all. my parents know this and so does my sister. usually nobody else asks for me to share my food with them. yesterday my mother and aunt went out for dinner and i was home alone. i made some crock pot spaghetti and meatballs and sat down to eat in front of the television. after 5 minutes my mom and aunt came back home. i asked them how dinner was and they said it was fine. my aunt saw me eating spaghetti and told me how mouth watering my food is. i thanked her and continued to eat. she kept eyeing my plate as i was eating and i felt a little uncomfortable. my mom saw this and said "hey why don't you give some to aunt meg". i chuckled and said "oh sorry there's none left, if i'd have known you wanted it i could have made more!" my aunt said "that's okay you can just give me half of yours!". i was a little taken aback and looked at my mom, but she nodded at me urging me to give her my food. i said "didn't you guys have dinner already?" she said "yes but you know i can't control myself around your food haha". she even went to the kitchen and got a plate and fork for herself and was coming to where i was sitting to take food from me. i stood up and said "hey i think i'm gonna go finish this in my room", went to my room and locked the door and finished my food. by the time i came out my aunt was gone and my mother was very mad at me for disrespecting her like that. was i in the wrong here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 17m. i really like cooking and i'm very good at it. i wish to become a professional chef when i grow up, and have already written a cookbook. everybody in my family knows this about me, and on several occasions i have made (with help from my sister) meals for family gatherings. that said, i do not like sharing my food. once i take food onto my plate, i don't like anybody else eating from my plate. i love food and always make enough so that i will feel full. if other people are going to eat, i do make extra, however i enjoy taking a full plate's serving of my favourite dishes and like to finish it all. my parents know this and so does my sister. usually nobody else asks for me to share my food with them. yesterday my mother and aunt went out for dinner and i was home alone. i made some crock pot spaghetti and meatballs and sat down to eat in front of the television. after 5 minutes my mom and aunt came back home. i asked them how dinner was and they said it was fine. my aunt saw me eating spaghetti and told me how mouth watering my food is. i thanked her and continued to eat. she kept eyeing my plate as i was eating and i felt a little uncomfortable. my mom saw this and said "hey why don't you give some to aunt meg". i chuckled and said "oh sorry there's none left, if i'd have known you wanted it i could have made more!" my aunt said "that's okay you can just give me half of yours!". i was a little taken aback and looked at my mom, but she nodded at me urging me to give her my food. i said "didn't you guys have dinner already?" she said "yes but you know i can't control myself around your food haha". she even went to the kitchen and got a plate and fork for herself and was coming to where i was sitting to take food from me. i stood up and said "hey i think i'm gonna go finish this in my room", went to my room and locked the door and finished my food. by the time i came out my aunt was gone and my mother was very mad at me for disrespecting her like that. was i in the wrong here? [/INST] nta joey doesnt share food </s>
AITA for making fun of my boyfriend's penis	upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not. so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter. after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what. i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously?	21,140	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b9a3mo/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_boyfriends_penis/	2019-04-04 08:23:27	yta teasing him between you two is one thing but publicly making fun of his penis, especially when he has mentioned insecurity in locker rooms, etc., was not cool and kind of a betrayal. it would have only been okay if you had inserted the word 'flaccid' and/or immediately after the jibe from his friend you defended him with "yeah but that's just because he's a grower not a show-er" or anything that didn't emasculate him and prey on his insecurity. (	very much yta and how dare you claim he's overreacting considering he seemed to react very calmly and reasonably and was quick to forgive you considering how incredibly out of line you were.	yta. he wasn’t blowing things out of proportion. never insult your partner’s looks (jokingly or not,) and definitely don’t do it in front of all of his friends. i get playful banter at home, but doing it in front of his friends is just straight up mean.	yta. sorry, but unfortunately you're in the wrong on this one. one thing is playing in the intimacy of your home, another is exposing him to everyone else. we are all fragile about something. men tend to be fragile about their virility. it may be a silly thing to us, but it matters to them. how do you expect him to "prove" his friends wrong? getting a boner in front of them? asking you to retract your comment and publish a statement of how he satisfies you? the more he tries to justify, the more fun he is going to be made of as well. you say you apologized and felt bad, but if you still think he is blowing it out of proportion, then you really don't understand how hurtful bullying (even if lighthearted) can be and what an impact it has on our psyche.	wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, he's seven inches and you think he's not that big. #what? what do you want 20 inches? also yta	'things that are messy' 'my girlfriend's vagina' 'hahahahahaha! my boyfriend has such a sense of humour!' is probably not how you would react. you're a complete asshole, making fun of something so intimate in a public setting. you're an asshole for even doing it in private.	yta penis size is an incredibly sensitive topic for many guys for various reasons. making fun of your so publicly about something he has already admitted being insecure/upset about lacks some tact and empathy on your part, but it's not an end of the world situation. this is just a learning moment; build up his confidence, boast about your man to others, and be openly proud of him. or, you know, just don't talk about his dick to other people.	yta massively. i can't believe you thought that was funny.	oh dear i know it was a joke but he told you he was insecure about it and to say it in front of his friends too. sorry but yta. be a bit more considerate next time.	yta, you did something that hurt him and he told you, he has every right to be upset after you gave his friends more ammo to make fun of him with	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not. so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter. after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what. i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). in the privacy our relationship, i playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. however, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not. so the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. one of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and i write down, "my boyfriend's penis". they were all read aloud and when its revealed that i wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. my boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter. after we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. he said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. he said that by making that joke, all i have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. he wasn't mad, just disappointed. he said that he would never make fun of me if i had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me i was beautiful no matter what. i felt really, really bad when he said that. i have apologized and things are fine now but i think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? am i the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously? [/INST] yta teasing him between you two is one thing but publicly making fun of his penis, especially when he has mentioned insecurity in locker rooms, etc., was not cool and kind of a betrayal. it would have only been okay if you had inserted the word 'flaccid' and/or immediately after the jibe from his friend you defended him with "yeah but that's just because he's a grower not a show-er" or anything that didn't emasculate him and prey on his insecurity. ( </s>
AITA for no longer letting boyfriend eat what I cook after he rated my food infront of my family?	so sorry if formatting is bad bc i'm on mobile. my (25) boyfriend jerry (31) has a culinary art diploma. he works 2 jobs related to his field 1 as a cheft in a restaurant and 2 as a cooking instructor. we've been dating for almost 16 months now btw. i had no real experience in cooking but he encouraged me to learn and helped my skills improve so much even though he has a habit of rating every meal i cook which i find a bit rude for example.. "x meal gets 7/10 or y meal gets 8,3/10 or even z meal would've gotten 9/10 if the sauce wasn't so salty etc. i didn't feel great with him rating my food nomatter the score but he says he's helping me improve so.. my family came over to visit and i wanted to cook their favorite meals. jerry sat with my parents and chatted til food was ready. he started eating and kept making comments about my choice of meals. once he put his fork down he cleared his throat and literally started rating every dish i made by giving me 7/10 for this, 4,8/10 for this and 6/10 for this. my family were so confused and i was floored i felt awful as he kept giving advice on how to improve my "score" next time. he kept a straight face while doing it. it was awkward just awkward the entire evening. we had a huge argument after my family left and i told jerry that he acted poorly and embarrassed me when he started rating my food infront of family. i said to him that i won't have him eat what i cook anymore. he said i was overreacting and claimed what he was was doing is just constructive criticizm and i shouldn't take it personal since he's just used to rating his students work. i said i wasn't his dang student and he wasn't gordan ramsey to be heavily putting my efforts down infront of family. he got offended and said my reaction was way over the top since he was just giving constructive criticism in order for me to make progress and said he was trying to help and that "gordon ramsey" comment was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable cheft with a respectable career. he then asked what made me think it was okay to come at him like that over few ratings. he stated he was hurt and went to stay with a friend for the night probably expecting an apology from me. aiat?	19,066	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe3c5y/aita_for_no_longer_letting_boyfriend_eat_what_i/	2021-10-23 11:44:18	nta. sheesh, this is the real world not yelp. if you're both working on improving your cooking then constructive criticism is generally fine, not when it's not asked for though. it doesn't need to be every meal and definitely not infront of guests. he may think he's helping but this has turned into belittling and looks to be a power trip. your gordon ramsey comment was right on the money. 10/10 ;-)	nta he’s rude and cannot read a room. needs a lesson in etiquette and to gtfo his high horse. him staying w a friend is also a huge red flag. tbh i would be done	nta…. what a weirdo. show him the door if you haven’t already holy upvotes! thanks pals	nta. rate him every time you do the deed, let’s see how he likes it.	nta. there are other ways to give someone constructive criticism than rating all their cookings… like maybe “hey babe, this is a little salty. maybe try less salt next time” not that hard. he sounds like he has some kind of god complex and thinks he is better than you. you need to sit him down and make him listen to how it makes you feel without him turning it around and making himself the victim	nta congrats after 16 months you have learned that your boyfriend is the asshat. i love it when people think they are being helpful by giving unsolicited criticism and are clueless on how arrogant that is. plus this guy wants an apology from you!! this would be the tipping point for me in a relationship. this guy is 31 and won't be changing to be more self-aware, more sensitive any time soon.	nta. you can clear this problem up quick—start rating the sex.	he hurt your feelings you were trying to tell him that he hurt you and what does he do? this man says you hurt my feelings he makes it about himself. dump him screw that manipulation.	nta simply rating food isn't constructive criticism. and then saying "your comment was uncalled for and a low blow" but his wasn't? you have nothing to apologise for. let him make his own food.	i would ask him why he sees you as his student and not girlfriend. what he did was incredibly rude and uncalled for. do you guys go to a restaurant and he rates the food too? nta. tell him to make his own food.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so sorry if formatting is bad bc i'm on mobile. my (25) boyfriend jerry (31) has a culinary art diploma. he works 2 jobs related to his field 1 as a cheft in a restaurant and 2 as a cooking instructor. we've been dating for almost 16 months now btw. i had no real experience in cooking but he encouraged me to learn and helped my skills improve so much even though he has a habit of rating every meal i cook which i find a bit rude for example.. "x meal gets 7/10 or y meal gets 8,3/10 or even z meal would've gotten 9/10 if the sauce wasn't so salty etc. i didn't feel great with him rating my food nomatter the score but he says he's helping me improve so.. my family came over to visit and i wanted to cook their favorite meals. jerry sat with my parents and chatted til food was ready. he started eating and kept making comments about my choice of meals. once he put his fork down he cleared his throat and literally started rating every dish i made by giving me 7/10 for this, 4,8/10 for this and 6/10 for this. my family were so confused and i was floored i felt awful as he kept giving advice on how to improve my "score" next time. he kept a straight face while doing it. it was awkward just awkward the entire evening. we had a huge argument after my family left and i told jerry that he acted poorly and embarrassed me when he started rating my food infront of family. i said to him that i won't have him eat what i cook anymore. he said i was overreacting and claimed what he was was doing is just constructive criticizm and i shouldn't take it personal since he's just used to rating his students work. i said i wasn't his dang student and he wasn't gordan ramsey to be heavily putting my efforts down infront of family. he got offended and said my reaction was way over the top since he was just giving constructive criticism in order for me to make progress and said he was trying to help and that "gordon ramsey" comment was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable cheft with a respectable career. he then asked what made me think it was okay to come at him like that over few ratings. he stated he was hurt and went to stay with a friend for the night probably expecting an apology from me. aiat?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so sorry if formatting is bad bc i'm on mobile. my (25) boyfriend jerry (31) has a culinary art diploma. he works 2 jobs related to his field 1 as a cheft in a restaurant and 2 as a cooking instructor. we've been dating for almost 16 months now btw. i had no real experience in cooking but he encouraged me to learn and helped my skills improve so much even though he has a habit of rating every meal i cook which i find a bit rude for example.. "x meal gets 7/10 or y meal gets 8,3/10 or even z meal would've gotten 9/10 if the sauce wasn't so salty etc. i didn't feel great with him rating my food nomatter the score but he says he's helping me improve so.. my family came over to visit and i wanted to cook their favorite meals. jerry sat with my parents and chatted til food was ready. he started eating and kept making comments about my choice of meals. once he put his fork down he cleared his throat and literally started rating every dish i made by giving me 7/10 for this, 4,8/10 for this and 6/10 for this. my family were so confused and i was floored i felt awful as he kept giving advice on how to improve my "score" next time. he kept a straight face while doing it. it was awkward just awkward the entire evening. we had a huge argument after my family left and i told jerry that he acted poorly and embarrassed me when he started rating my food infront of family. i said to him that i won't have him eat what i cook anymore. he said i was overreacting and claimed what he was was doing is just constructive criticizm and i shouldn't take it personal since he's just used to rating his students work. i said i wasn't his dang student and he wasn't gordan ramsey to be heavily putting my efforts down infront of family. he got offended and said my reaction was way over the top since he was just giving constructive criticism in order for me to make progress and said he was trying to help and that "gordon ramsey" comment was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable cheft with a respectable career. he then asked what made me think it was okay to come at him like that over few ratings. he stated he was hurt and went to stay with a friend for the night probably expecting an apology from me. aiat? [/INST] nta. sheesh, this is the real world not yelp. if you're both working on improving your cooking then constructive criticism is generally fine, not when it's not asked for though. it doesn't need to be every meal and definitely not infront of guests. he may think he's helping but this has turned into belittling and looks to be a power trip. your gordon ramsey comment was right on the money. 10/10 ;-) </s>
AITA for canceling the family trip because my stepson damaged my plants?	i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.	31,770	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otagcv/aita_for_canceling_the_family_trip_because_my/	2021-07-28 13:58:52	nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip he'll get over it.	nta, that’s not a prank - that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. at 6, i would have known that was wrong - let alone 16! his actions absolutely should have consequences.	nta but your step-son is. his mother needs to stop making excuses for him. he is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. you reacted much better than i would have. he has no respect for you or your possessions. you shouldn't apologise and don't go on the trip. stand your ground and teach him the lesson that shitty actions have shitty consequences. at 16 he knows better, he knew what he was doing and thought he'd get away with it as usual. instead of going on the trip, have a family meeting where you set boundaries with both your step-son and his mother.	nta wtf?! he goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? not only would i take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, i'm not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had. i don't know how you could even trust him in your house again.	nta- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you. what’s next? nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, visine in your coffee? i hope not, but you see where i’m going. he has escalated past playful to harmful intent. he crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. it’s not negotiable.	nta and i'm appalled that his mother doesn't have your back.	nta. your wife is the biggest ah in this whole story. > said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. this is rich!! she has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing you of abuse??? way to victim blame! >she thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake. . >sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. gee, i wonder where he got that idea from? she is raising a monster that thinks mentally torturing his family is funny. he even throws a tantrum because you refuse to be humilliated online so he gets some likes. a judge wont be nearly as chill as you if this issue isnt nipped in the bud on time.	nta - i would normally say the punishment doesn't fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it's super suspect. he was deliberately seeking to hurt you.	nta16 isn’t a child really. you maybe be in the us but in the u.k. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have sex, join the army, start driving lessons etc he isn’t 12. he knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. will he do that to someone he dates too? he doesn’t accept you don’t consent? he needs to learn these concepts and boundaries. he then gets angry can’t control it and pours bleach on your plants to kill them. he knows they will die. not only should he not go on holiday he needs to repay you in full value for your plants and materials. this is not over. his mother also needs to know this behaviour is not right and she has a chance whilst he still under her roof to correct the course	nta. next time he complains, tell him “it’s just a prank bro” then go without him.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. i have a variety of plants like lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. it's a hobby of mine and because i don't own enough space i just stick to indoor planting. i have a 16 year old stepson sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. i don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. he just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a fb video of him spraying cold water on me when i was sleeping. it was embarrassing since he shared it with family. i got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. he kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but i thought that was crazy request. sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, i was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. he was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. later in the evening i was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. it smelled like bleach. i freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . i confronted sean and asked what he watered the plants with. he acted dumb and said nothing but i found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. he admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. i was mortified i immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. i refused to discuss it, my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. she thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. she wanted me to let it go but i said canceling the trip is his official punishment, period i got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that i don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. this isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it. [/INST] nta. that seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >my wife feels bad sean hasn't been eating well since i canceled the trip he'll get over it. </s>
AITA for moving out because my mom is pregnant	throwaway because i don't want this to be mix up with my main account. my english sucks and is not my first language. i (16f) live with my mom(38) and her boyfriend(30). my parents split up when i was 6. they don't have a formal agreements over my and never needed, my dad(39) used to travel a lot because of work, so was logical that i had to stay with my mom, my father pay all my expenses. my father remarried five years ago, his wife is amazing and i love her dearly, i see her a second mom. my mom's boyfriend moved in last year, they have been dating for two years, and our relationship is pretty bad, he is extremely homophobic, don't hold a job for more than two months and never helps cleaning. six months ago he started to be desasperate to have a child, and my mom was dragged to that. when she told me i was completely against, our house is minuscule and only have 2 bedrooms. he pushed the situation and threatened to leave her and she agreed, last month, on my birthday, she gave me the great news, she was pregnant. i was obviously not happy and told her that this was a huge mistake. friday my mom asked me to take my clothes out of my drawer, because the crib have to be set up. the thing is i don't want to divide a room with a newborn. i called my father and my stepmom and they are more than happy with me being full time at they house. i told my mom and she flipped out, she called me egoist, and told me she will not be able to maintain the house without my father support. i feel a little bit bad but i don't want to lose my sleep. the next two years are extremely important for me to get to collrgr and that's not the environment i am seeking. so reddit am the asshole?	18,486	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exs1qe/aita_for_moving_out_because_my_mom_is_pregnant/	2020-02-02 17:48:13	nta!!! it sounds like your mother shouldn't be with this man to begin with, and if she needs your father's money to support her home then she needs to look deeper. moving in with your father sounds like the best thing for you.	nta child support payments are for the child. yes they go to pay for housing, utilities, and food, but it's to support the kid. if she doesn't make enough money to support herself without that money she should not be having an infant. on top of that, it's not your responsibility to ensure your mom can look after herself and make responsible choices. your mom probably realizes she's gotten herself stuck and is taking her fear and anxiety out on your with her anger. move in with your dad, enjoy your teen years, try and keep a relationship with your mom and new sibling. at the end of the day though, your mom and that child are not your responsibility.	nta- if she cant afford another child without your father paying for it, then she shouldnt have gotten pregnant. also, it sounds like your father and step mom would provide a great, stable, happy home for you to flourish in.	nta, it completely unreasonable to be expected to share a room with a newborn, if i were in your shoes i would have 'graciously' moved to my dads to let the new kid they want have their own room	nta it’s not your responsibility to fund your mother’s life. child support is meant to support you. that’s it. go live with your dad and don’t look back.	nta. your mom's boyfriend needs to support his own child.	nta get out and live you're life... the fact that they need your child support to pay for the entire household is insane and not sustainable- not to mention how difficult it would be to share a room with a newborn. i feel like living at your dads is what's best for you- never feel bad for putting yourself first.	can’t believe your mom is that selfish! you tell her you are moving out and she is worried about the child support payments? looks like she has been using the money meant for you on her personal expenses. you are really lucky for having a good step mom. move out of your mom’s house without any second thoughts and ask your father stop paying his ex any more child support	nta. if he wanted a child so much why didn’t he wait till he had a stable job? why isn’t the crib in their room for the first few months? and how is it your dads job to pay for the another persons child. it sounds like the situation is toxic and you shouldn’t be around it. i get you love your mom but she brought this situation on herself.	nta. everyone is mature enough to make their own decisions in this situation. it is completely unfair and unreasonable for your mom to expect you to share a room with a newborn. additionally, relying on your father's financial support to pay for another man's baby is stealing. you're doing the right thing. the situation at your mom's is only going to get monumentally worse.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want this to be mix up with my main account. my english sucks and is not my first language. i (16f) live with my mom(38) and her boyfriend(30). my parents split up when i was 6. they don't have a formal agreements over my and never needed, my dad(39) used to travel a lot because of work, so was logical that i had to stay with my mom, my father pay all my expenses. my father remarried five years ago, his wife is amazing and i love her dearly, i see her a second mom. my mom's boyfriend moved in last year, they have been dating for two years, and our relationship is pretty bad, he is extremely homophobic, don't hold a job for more than two months and never helps cleaning. six months ago he started to be desasperate to have a child, and my mom was dragged to that. when she told me i was completely against, our house is minuscule and only have 2 bedrooms. he pushed the situation and threatened to leave her and she agreed, last month, on my birthday, she gave me the great news, she was pregnant. i was obviously not happy and told her that this was a huge mistake. friday my mom asked me to take my clothes out of my drawer, because the crib have to be set up. the thing is i don't want to divide a room with a newborn. i called my father and my stepmom and they are more than happy with me being full time at they house. i told my mom and she flipped out, she called me egoist, and told me she will not be able to maintain the house without my father support. i feel a little bit bad but i don't want to lose my sleep. the next two years are extremely important for me to get to collrgr and that's not the environment i am seeking. so reddit am the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway because i don't want this to be mix up with my main account. my english sucks and is not my first language. i (16f) live with my mom(38) and her boyfriend(30). my parents split up when i was 6. they don't have a formal agreements over my and never needed, my dad(39) used to travel a lot because of work, so was logical that i had to stay with my mom, my father pay all my expenses. my father remarried five years ago, his wife is amazing and i love her dearly, i see her a second mom. my mom's boyfriend moved in last year, they have been dating for two years, and our relationship is pretty bad, he is extremely homophobic, don't hold a job for more than two months and never helps cleaning. six months ago he started to be desasperate to have a child, and my mom was dragged to that. when she told me i was completely against, our house is minuscule and only have 2 bedrooms. he pushed the situation and threatened to leave her and she agreed, last month, on my birthday, she gave me the great news, she was pregnant. i was obviously not happy and told her that this was a huge mistake. friday my mom asked me to take my clothes out of my drawer, because the crib have to be set up. the thing is i don't want to divide a room with a newborn. i called my father and my stepmom and they are more than happy with me being full time at they house. i told my mom and she flipped out, she called me egoist, and told me she will not be able to maintain the house without my father support. i feel a little bit bad but i don't want to lose my sleep. the next two years are extremely important for me to get to collrgr and that's not the environment i am seeking. so reddit am the asshole? [/INST] nta!!! it sounds like your mother shouldn't be with this man to begin with, and if she needs your father's money to support her home then she needs to look deeper. moving in with your father sounds like the best thing for you. </s>
AITA for telling the family that adopted my dog that they had no permission to rename him?	i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing. this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right. so aita?	12,190	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s5d1mj/aita_for_telling_the_family_that_adopted_my_dog/	2022-01-16 14:31:41	yta. rudy is their dog now. you gave up any rights and control over their dog when you gave him up. you may have just jeopardised any chance of having future contact with them regarding him, and i wouldn't blame them.	yta. they don't need "permission" from you about anything to do with the dog that is their dog now. and then you flipping out and getting aggressive with them? and accusing your fiancee of taking sides with strangers? i don't know how you typed all that without realizing how irrational it sounds. and renaming a dog is not "mistreating" the dog, get a grip.	yta. leave these poor people the hell alone. good grief.	you went to their home after already berating them on the phone and social media? are you fucking serious dude? that’s insane. you sound like a crazy person. i’d be terrified of you if i were that family. yta	rudy is not your dog. once you put it up for adoption the owners have all rights to him and can change his name if he pleases. yta and you know it	[deleted]	i can see why it might upset you but you are going about this all wrong which unfortunately makes yta here they have adopted the dog so they are right it is theirs now they may extend you the curtosy in some regards but it's perfectly within their right to rename willy if they want to to berate them about it on social media and to even go as far as going their place to argue over it is way over the top and honestly you are putting yourself in a potentially legally challenging position i understand with stuff like it's hard to not get emotional over a close family pet no ones going to a call you out for that but as they've said they have adopted him now and hold the right to change his name if they so wish no matter how much an emotional connection you have i'm not too clear why you are under the impression they can't do this legally	yta. as soon as he got rehomed, he became their dog. they can rename him if they like. you had no right to lose it on them, he is no longer your dog.	yta. you've rehomed the dog and he's therefore not your dog anymore. he may always be willy to you, but he's not yours anymore and the new family has a right to change his name if they want to. they're actually being really kind allowing you to still be in touch and involved with the dog as they really don't have any obligation to be. be grateful you still get to have interaction with him and get over the ego trip.	yta - they are not “mistreating my dog” because it isn’t your dog anymore. you gave him up, live with that and move on. leave these poor people alone.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing. this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i used to have a german shepard named "willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. ngl, i did feel like i'd given up on willy, i've had him since he was small but i did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. i'd met up with the family and they embraced him right away, they seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so i could learn about how willy's doing. this took place in december, i got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on willy last week. anyways so while i was with them on the phone i heard a small girl yelling "rudy" repeatedly, i asked who rudy was and they casually said it was willy but they gave him a new name. i was absolutely shocked i asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what's wrong. i absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. pluse all his legal papers are under the name willy but i was surprised when they said they took care of that legally...like how... i told them they had no permission from to rename the dog point blank period. but they argued that willy is theirs now and i have no say, i told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him with his real name. they refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. i was so mad i took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for "harrasement". i decided to take few days to let things settle down then i'd visit them again but my fiancee thinks i'm overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harrassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason i had to let of my dog in the first place. she got offended but i told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though i started thinking she might be right. so aita? [/INST] yta. rudy is their dog now. you gave up any rights and control over their dog when you gave him up. you may have just jeopardised any chance of having future contact with them regarding him, and i wouldn't blame them. </s>
AITA for telling my half-sister to babysit my daughter, when she's staying in our home rent-free and that was our agreement?	ta account, my (32f) half-sister 'may' (20f) is living with me, my husband and 6 yo daughter while she's finishing her degree. she doesn't pay any rent, but in exchange she does household chores and babysits. this was our agreement. a close friend of mine is getting married, and her wedding is child free. we had a babysitter booked for our daughter, but she canceled. the wedding is tomorrow. i told may to look after my daughter while we're at the wedding. may refused. she has some type of test tomorrow that finishes at 11. me and my husband need to be out of the house by 11.45/12 at the most if we want to make it in time. may catches public transportation home that takes her almost an hour. i suggested she catch a cab which would take less time, but she doesn't want to pay for that and have to rush out of her test. i reminded her of our agreement. may mentioned before that she usually doesn't need the full time required for tests and exams. if she leaves a little earlier, she can make it by 12 catching public transportation. it's hard looking for a last minute babysitter, especially since may is staying here knowing our agreement. i told her that i'm doing her a big favor letting her stay rent-free in my home, and if she's going to be like this then she's free to leave. may is pretty upset over this but i think it's fair. aita?	3,684	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yaon9k/aita_for_telling_my_halfsister_to_babysit_my/	2022-10-22 14:04:57	yta you threw this on her last minute and she can't do it she's kept her agreements of housekeeping and looking after your kid up until now when she's busy with school it's your kid, your babysitter dropped out last minute and your half sister can't do it either you pay for her cab home or you figure something out, don't take advantage and expect everyone to drop everything	"she doesn't pay any rent, but in exchange she does household chores and babysits. this was our agreement." so you are admitting she contributes in ways that still benefit the household and family, but since it isn't money you act like you are still the one making a sacrifice. "we had a babysitter booked for our daughter, but she canceled." this is not may's fault and happens to all parents while raising kids. sometimes you have to make sacrifices when you decide to have a family. "i told may to look after my daughter while we're at the wedding. may refused. she has some type of test tomorrow" re-read that. "i told may." why didn't you ask? any parent looking fora last minute babysitter is in no position to make demands. you need to sweeten the deal since it is a huge ask and may has her own life with her schooling, which should be her entire focus right now. not scrambling to cover your ass. "may catches public transportation home that takes her almost an hour. i suggested she catch a cab which would take less time, but she doesn't want to pay for that and have to rush out of her test." since this is your last minute emergency and you want may to do you a favor, why didn't you offer to pay for her uber or offer to pick her up??? exams are stressful, she does not need you putting this shit on her last minute. "i reminded her of our agreement." she hasn't done anything to break your agreement!! she isn't out with friends or fucking around. omg you are sooo conceited. "if she leaves a little earlier, she can make it by 12 catching public transportation." why do you want to add pressure and stress to her when she is doing you a last minute favor?? "may is staying here knowing our agreement." for fucks sake, she isn't denying you of your agreement. she is in school and has a school exam. to put this in an easy format your narcissistic brain \might\ understand, you are the evil stepmother treating her like she is cinderella and that she should be sooo grateful for your generosity (eyeroll). you need to get a grip. "i told her that i'm doing her a big favor letting her stay rent-free in my home, and if she's going to be like this then she's free to leave." you aren't though, because she pays it back in other ways, like hosuehold chores and previous babysitting. she can't clear he schedule of important shit anytime you are put in a tough spot. that is absurdly unfair to expect that of a college student. you are delusional. "may is pretty upset over this but i think it's fair." that's because you probably only "let" her stay with you so you can treat her like the help or lord over her head how big of a "favor" you are doing by letting her stay there. in case it isn't clear: yta and you are benefiting from may living with you, even though you keep passive aggressively acting like you don't because it isn't in monetary payment. you should apologize to may and do something nice to her so your relationship isn't strained moving forward. i, personally, would hate to have you as a sister and i would move out.	yta if you need her to be home in time to watch your kid, you should pay for her cab or uber so that can happen. she agreed to babysit - she did not agree to go broke rushing around town to do so at your beck and call.	yta. what’s the point of her staying with you while she completes her degree if you make her miss her exams? it’s not may’s fault that your babysitter cancelled. she’s agreed to do it after her test - you pay for the cab if you need her home asap (you would’ve paid for the babysitter). stop using her living in the house as a way to control her - she’s not your slave. yeah, you come across as selfish, unreasonable and uncaring.	yta. she babysits when she is free - not at the last minute when she’s has an exam. also, telling her to babysit is rude as fuck. try asking next time.	yta. pay for the cab yourself.	yta. obviously she needs to take her test, and by the sound of it, you are making that difficult for her, and at very short notice also. it does not at all sound as if may is trying to get out of her duties as babysitter, but you are being totally unreasonable, holding your agreement over her head in this situation.	she has to prioritize school. her test is just as important as the wedding you're going to. was the agreement really "she has to ignore her schoolwork to babysit with short notice"? if you think she can do it by taking a cab, how about you pay for it? yta. hugely.	yta pay for her cab. poor may, trying to compromise. trying to make it work. probably rushing her test. all for her ungrateful, entitled sibling.	yta.she’s not shirking her agreement responsibilities, she’s legitimately not willing to risk her grade. give her money for a cab or uber. can you get your neighbor to sit for one hour or something?!?!	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ta account, my (32f) half-sister 'may' (20f) is living with me, my husband and 6 yo daughter while she's finishing her degree. she doesn't pay any rent, but in exchange she does household chores and babysits. this was our agreement. a close friend of mine is getting married, and her wedding is child free. we had a babysitter booked for our daughter, but she canceled. the wedding is tomorrow. i told may to look after my daughter while we're at the wedding. may refused. she has some type of test tomorrow that finishes at 11. me and my husband need to be out of the house by 11.45/12 at the most if we want to make it in time. may catches public transportation home that takes her almost an hour. i suggested she catch a cab which would take less time, but she doesn't want to pay for that and have to rush out of her test. i reminded her of our agreement. may mentioned before that she usually doesn't need the full time required for tests and exams. if she leaves a little earlier, she can make it by 12 catching public transportation. it's hard looking for a last minute babysitter, especially since may is staying here knowing our agreement. i told her that i'm doing her a big favor letting her stay rent-free in my home, and if she's going to be like this then she's free to leave. may is pretty upset over this but i think it's fair. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> ta account, my (32f) half-sister 'may' (20f) is living with me, my husband and 6 yo daughter while she's finishing her degree. she doesn't pay any rent, but in exchange she does household chores and babysits. this was our agreement. a close friend of mine is getting married, and her wedding is child free. we had a babysitter booked for our daughter, but she canceled. the wedding is tomorrow. i told may to look after my daughter while we're at the wedding. may refused. she has some type of test tomorrow that finishes at 11. me and my husband need to be out of the house by 11.45/12 at the most if we want to make it in time. may catches public transportation home that takes her almost an hour. i suggested she catch a cab which would take less time, but she doesn't want to pay for that and have to rush out of her test. i reminded her of our agreement. may mentioned before that she usually doesn't need the full time required for tests and exams. if she leaves a little earlier, she can make it by 12 catching public transportation. it's hard looking for a last minute babysitter, especially since may is staying here knowing our agreement. i told her that i'm doing her a big favor letting her stay rent-free in my home, and if she's going to be like this then she's free to leave. may is pretty upset over this but i think it's fair. aita? [/INST] yta you threw this on her last minute and she can't do it she's kept her agreements of housekeeping and looking after your kid up until now when she's busy with school it's your kid, your babysitter dropped out last minute and your half sister can't do it either you pay for her cab home or you figure something out, don't take advantage and expect everyone to drop everything </s>
AITA for bringing my wheelchair bound boyfriend to my brother's no +1 wedding?	my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone. i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling. aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure.	10,017	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yiadxe/aita_for_bringing_my_wheelchair_bound_boyfriend/	2022-10-31 12:21:30	yta not only did you go against a rule, you attempted to use your bf's disability to get your way. you should be ashamed.	ugh. guy in a wheelchair here, although i'm fully self sufficient. this makes me feel for your bf. not only did you disrespect your brother's wishes, you made your boyfriend the center of more attention than was warranted. you say he remained quiet and respectful. he probably was quiet because he wanted to crawl under a rock. "hey, look at me!! i'm the cause of strife at a wedding through no fault of my own!!" yta	info: is your boyfriend an adult? if he needs personal assistance, why isn't he the one arranging that while you're gone? and why do you refer to personal assistance as "watching him" like you're getting a babysitter? did your boyfriend want to go? why isn't what he thought/wanted a factor in this story at all? why do you generally talk about him like he's a child (e.g. "it's not like he was making a fuss")?	yta (although i have a funny feeling this is going to get edited to reveal more of what your brother said after it becomes clear the voting’s not going to go the way you want it to). he said no plus ones. if you found that disrespectful to your relationship or simply impractical, then your option was to decline your invitation and stay home, not have your boyfriend crash the party because you decided that wouldn’t be overly disruptive.	your boyfriend's condition is irrelevant. yta. he wasn't invited, you were okay to ask and declined the invitation, then you should have rsvped no. food costs money and there needs to be a space for each guest, so you aren't entitled to show up with whoever you feel like bringing he's legally not family either, so it's possible your boyfriend doesn't view him that way even if you are in a serious relationship.	so, everyone else who was denied a +1 doesn't matter because they're not considered family? sorry, but your boyfriend being in a wheelchair doesn't change anything about this scenario or give you more rights than anyone else. they said no +1s. you still brought a +1. your boyfriend isn't a baby. but you're like that person who brings a newborn anyways when kids aren't allowed. yta. it's a sucky situation but you didn't think it would matter but that's not your call to make.	yta your invitation didn't include a plus one. the fact that your so is a wheelchair user isn't relevant. your perception of your so being family is not relevant. you should have remained home with your so if you couldn't arrange for a caregiver.	everyone sucks here. them for not inviting your bf of 4 years and you for bringing him against their wishes. personally, i’d have not gone at all if my long term partner wasn’t invited.	esh etiquette says that long term partners are always included on the invite. a boyfriend of four years should've been invited, making your brother an ah. that being said, you don't bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. you should've just said no and explained your reason. so you both made the wrong decision, though i'm feeling less sympathetic towards your brother.	yta i'm assuming there is a lot more to this story you're not sharing. i also assume you contacted them before the wedding to let them know that you would in fact be bringing your boyfriend. it doesn't matter if you are your boyfriends primary care giver or not. if you're boyfriend is not invited, you have 2 options. 1. go without the boyfriend. 2. don't go. instead, i suspect you knew this would cause an issue/scene with your brother and you brought your boyfriend anyway.	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	ESH	YTA	0.013266	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone. i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling. aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone. i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling. aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure. [/INST] yta not only did you go against a rule, you attempted to use your bf's disability to get your way. you should be ashamed. </s>
AITA for demanding the same Christmas present my stepbrother got?	i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this. i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license. i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy. i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time. my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while. i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since. my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off. aita?	34,606	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebjcyh/aita_for_demanding_the_same_christmas_present_my/	2019-12-16 18:55:09	nta. it takes a serious miscalculation by both adults to think that kind of uneven gift giving is okay. i think after you cool off you should sit down with your dad and explain how hurt you were by the disparity.	i don’t even have a judgement but “get in his civic and fuck off” made me laugh out loud	nta that was a bullshit move by your dad and step-mom. unless all the money for the car came from step-mom (or step-mom and step-bro's dad), that is just way out of line. you are right to put your foot down on this. your dad treated you like a second class child. good on your for standing up for yourself. as for ruining everyone's christmas... why is it expected for you to be quiet while your christmas is ruined?	info: have you asked why? and what is the value of the car? seems like there are a lot of missing pieces in this situation and possibly some jumping to conclusions.	nta there’s obliviously some favouritism here	nta, your dad and stepmom seriously fucked up and you have every right to be hurt. however you are ta if you take it out on your stepbrother, try and tread lightly there. it’s not his fault!	info: did they both pitch in 50/50 or was it mostly from stepmom (and maybe her ex?) ? same for the 600.	nta. my brother got his college paid for and i got... socks and $30k in debt. it was a tough year.	nta my dad had a rule - if you can’t get something for all 4 kids, you don’t get it at all. obvs this wasn’t for littler things like kid 1 outgrew their trainers or kid 3 had a growth spurt and needed new clothes....it was for shit like this. can’t afford a car for all 4 kids? shame, they can pay for their own cars then.	without any further context such as whether your stepbrother did something more to earn the car, or you did something to not deserve it, i'd have to go with nta here. reading through this forum you see how often siblings are treated differently, and i was treated rather poorly growing up as well. it's a shame, but some parents truly don't understand, or care, how they come across to their children. if your father and stepmother are going to favor your stepbrother, i think you made the right call by moving out. i noticed you wrote that this is "the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back," so i'm guessing this isn't a fluke, but instead something that has occurred often. go where you're treated like a valued member of the family.	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this. i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license. i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy. i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time. my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while. i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since. my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i sound like a real asshole but i've completely lost my mind over this. i'm 17 and my stepbrother is 17. we both have our driving license. i just found out 5 days ago that my dad and stepmom bought a used car for my stepbrother. they got me a 600 dollar gift card to best buy. i know $600 is a lot of money but what the fuck? am i crazy or is it super unfair? it's literally the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. i'm actually so pissed off that i've moved to my mom's house full time. my dad seems to be genuinely sorry and told me he's looking for a car now but that it'll take a while. i messaged him back saying that i'll decide if i want to see him after he decides to be fair for once. i've ignored all other calls and messages from him since. my stepbrother messaged me saying that i need to chill out and that he'll let me use his car. he also said that i need to stop bitching and ruining everyone's christmas. i told him to get in his civic and fuck off. aita? [/INST] nta. it takes a serious miscalculation by both adults to think that kind of uneven gift giving is okay. i think after you cool off you should sit down with your dad and explain how hurt you were by the disparity. </s>
AITA for refusing to babysit my nephew, even in a family medical emergency, because my brother and SIL lied before?	i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita?	26,928	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ip8hw1/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_nephew_even_in_a/	2020-09-09 03:30:12	nta they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences. plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter.	nta: they burned that bridge. they used a lie about the health of a friend to put their priorities above your own. they made you miss work, and lied to you for months. they really expect you to do this? fuck that. they need to grow up and if they weren't ready for the stress of having kids all the time, they shouldn't have had one. these people aren't just assholes, they are bad parents. who the hell drops their kid off to the person they've tricked into babysitting and then ghosts them for two days?!	nta - has it never occurred to them to hire a babysitter? your time is too valuable and you are not responsible for their choice to procreate. they are unbelievable ah for lying to you.	nta. im a parent and i would never do that - no matter how badly i wanted a night off. totally inexcusable. stick to your guns. don't babysit for them ever again. they can hire a sitter, the entitled assholes.	they are lucky you didn’t simply call the police to come pick the baby up when they were unreachable for two days. you don’t just get to abandon your baby with somebody and be gone for multiple days without contact. nta, stand your ground.	nta. after taking advantage of your good will like that, and potentially damaging your career, they have no right to expect anything from you like that again.	nta. since when are family members obligated to babysit upon demand? they need to get their grown up pants on and find childcare. and beg for forgiveness for lying repeatedly to take advantage of you	nta . he can stay home with his kids, and sil can go visit her family. problem solved. they were due back by a certain time but showed up two days later. wtf?! screwing with your job / livlihood is unforgiveable! then, not only did they lie initially, about someone's life being on the line, they continued to lie repeatedly. there is no justifying any of that. these are their children. welcome them to life as a parent! being "an aunt" doesnt mean you agree to take the kids every time the parents want to go out. your relationship with their kids is not for exploitation purposes.	nta. even if their friend did have an accident, they should no have been unreachable while you were babysitting. what if their kid had an emergency?? this is just terrible, and i would never babysit for them again.	nta. oh, absolutely not. stick to your guns and never babysit for them, again. i don’t care if aliens land and threaten war on the earth unless your brother and sister-in-law personally negotiate a peace deal with them. still don’t do it. i know your brother is your relative so i hate to say this, kind of, but that man is a grade a jerk. so is your sister-in-law. really, what terrible, terrible people. they really don’t have much character if they would lie like that. there’s nothing “little” or “white” about it. and, what kind of lesson is that for your nephew about right and wrong? they’re lucky that you’re even still speaking to them because i don’t think i would be. and, what do they mean, “they had no choice”? they could make friends with the neighbors, they could hire a babysitting service — they had other options than to not only lie to you but to make you miss an important work event. you could have been seriously hamstrung at your job over that! not only are you nta, i’m almost ready to ask you for their phone number so i can chew them out, myself. i’m furious on your behalf!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am my brother and sil’s only relative in the city. when sil was pregnant i made it clear that i’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency. i won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because i don’t have the free time for that. i work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me. last year, my brother and sil asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it. they wanted to go on a date. i said no, i have an important work event. they continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long. the night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and i needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit mike. i reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so i could leave for my work event. they did not come back until two days later. i had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. my brother and sil never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. their excuse was that mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend. i accepted that, since i had met both mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but i emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again. throughout the next two months, my brother and sil regularly used the excuse of aiding mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew. mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after mike’s “accident”. i ran into her and asked her how mike was recovering. apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized. neither did mike. mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and sil had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital. i confronted brother and sil, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. they claimed i “gave them no choice since i would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and i had no idea and it was just a little white lie”. i made it clear that after this incident, i would never babysit for them again, and i’ve stuck to that. yesterday my brother and sil begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in sil’s family. they even sent me proof of the relative’s hospitalization. i still said no. they didn’t care about betraying my trust, so i don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. they said i was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole. aita? [/INST] nta they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences. plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter. </s>
AITA for calling my husband unreasonable for canceling the holiday trip just because me and the kids coupdn't help him in an emergency?	my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home. update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.	24,679	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbguxp/aita_for_calling_my_husband_unreasonable_for/	2022-12-03 13:56:13	yta let’s fix the title of your post: my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family edit — thank you kind award givers! eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas	yta medical emergency > hanging out medical emergency > studying medical emergency > lunchie munchies	yta when there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help. meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, i mean wtf? clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities. i don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it.	yta and the two kids, its not that you couldn't help him its that you wouldn't help him and actions have consequences, if you don't do the work you don't get the reward	yta >i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. and you are his mother?? >he refused because he was going out with friends. it was a f emergency and you turned your back to your husband and your son. you three, especially you op, are shocking. poor guys, what a horrible family they have. you'd be lucky if he only cancels the holydays eta thanks for all the upvotes and to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment! eta2 thank you, u/blonderoastme, for the award! eta3: an update from op: >he's now choosing to basically _abandon_ us on christmas and also _keep our son away from me and his siblings_ are you serious? you three abandoned your husband. you three kept the toddler away from you. honestly, don't you think you have made enough damage to your image? and yes, be prepared,most probably you're going to be served papers sooner or later. congrats. eta4: thanks u/arcana013 for the award eta5: thanks to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment eta6: thanks u/kittenspangles	just to add, the 3yo is your son too. your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you had to stay at the restaurant? this doesn’t even add up. the father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated? if this is real, i’m going with yta.	[deleted]	yta. any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing. you were all selfish. nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. you all suck. that poor man has no support from his own damn family	yikes...yta (you, your son and your daughter). and i don't blame him for canceling the trip. seems to me you 3 are very self-centered. also, isn't this your son as well? sorry, but i think you could have easily picked up your kid for lunch and / or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him. the same goes to your son and daughter. your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him. you 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your fil?	congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. selfish. it was a medical emergency. i divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging. enjoy your single life. yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home. update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i have been together for 4 years. i have two kids (17m /19f). and their half brother is 3 years old. this past week. my husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study. i was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. my husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there. he came home and was lashing out on everybody. calling us selfish and unfeeling. i tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get the f out with that bull because my older son could've skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could've watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room. he scolded me as well but i told him i couldn't leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his girlfriend. he yelled some more than told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for christmas this year. the two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. i called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. he refused to discuss it later. now me and the kids aren't speaking to him and he's saying "good riddance" edit my husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. that's why i went to see my brother at the restaurant. the kids aren't used to watching their brother when neither parent is home. update my husband just told us that he'll be spending christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway. the kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. neither of the kids are happy with how things turned out. so i feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger. he's now choosing to basically abandon us on christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings. [/INST] yta let’s fix the title of your post: my husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & i are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family edit — thank you kind award givers! eta more — seriously, op stop adding edits!! you are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. just stop. it appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for christmas </s>
AITA for making my wife cry on her birthday	last night i was playing with a band at our local bar. my wife came in and immediately latched on to a band members wife in the corner of the bar and spent 2+ hours not leaving the area. she has maybe met the band members wife one time. maybe twenty feet away was a group of our friends, she says they are my friends and her acquaintances. she would not leave the corner of the bar and waved hello to them. it was not a crowded bar. during a break i asked if she would go and say hello to our friends. she told me she waved. i again said it would be great if you said hello to them considering they came out to support the band. a little back story, these same friends invited us to their house two weeks ago and we spent hours at their house hanging out. after the gig i guess i was visibly annoyed but didn’t want to say anything because her birthday is today. when we got home she pressed me on it and i told her i felt it was pretty rude to not have the courtesy to say hello to our friends. she challenged me saying why does she have to go and say hi instead of them coming up to her. well, they were already there sitting at a table and it was a group of people. it made me very uncomfortable how cold it felt that she couldn’t take one minute to go and say hello and seemingly hid in the corner on purpose with someone who is a relative stranger. now it’s her birthday and she’s crying saying i was very rude. i don’t believe i was rude at all and just told her on her request how i was feeling. i’m ready for your judgment. am i the asshole?	7,820	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xm1kqz/aita_for_making_my_wife_cry_on_her_birthday/	2022-09-23 16:05:04	yta. she waved and was hanging out with someone she considered her friend. this was also her birthday and it was nice of her to spend that time supporting you. this is the case of making a big deal out of nothing. just let it go.	she spends her birthday coming out to watch your band, and you get upset with her for not interacting with certain people exactly like you want her to??…yeah, yta. if you’re even going to have this stupid conversation, maybe ask why she preferred your band members wife’s company over theirs, or why she views them as more your friends than hers.	yta old musician chiming in #your wife is not a member of the band it is not her responsibility to come to your gigs. it is not her responsibility to go thank other people from coming to your gigs if you want to thank someone for coming, you go thank them yourself. because if you want your wife to be your pr person and glad hand everyone in the bar, then you need to start giving her an equal cut of the gig money and tips	>maybe twenty feet away was a group of our friends, she says they are my friends and her acquaintances. yta. really sounds like you're trying to push these people on her.	yta - you're essentially telling her who her friends are and aren't, she's a human being with free will and is allowed to see and spend time with the people she chooses.	yta. why are you telling her how to behave like she's a toddler?	yta you seemingly socially abandoned her and then hounded her for not socializing enough with people she doesn't care for. you took her to your thing where your friends were on her birthday and didn't try to make her feel welcome, included, or special.	where your friends glued to their seats at the table and couldn't get up? she told you she sees them as acquaintances. if they were there to support the band, the band can thank them. your wife doesn't need to thank them for their support you criticized your wife's behavior this whole post because she didn't go chat up your friends. yta.	yta i don't care how well i know them, if i'm out and hanging with someone, i'm not getting up and going all the way across the room to do a thing that was already handled with a wave. she's clearly not as close to them as you. yet she put up with spending 3 hours with them, fairly recently. in short, she spent her birthday watching your band and supporting you then you went and got rude because she didn't do something incredibly uncomfortable, for people she doesn't even like, and instead spent the evening in the company of someone she does like, and you judge her for it because she only met this person one time, like that wasn't enough to know she preferred to spend some time with her. your wife is never required to hang out with people she doesn't like, but she does it for you, and she acknowledged them rather than ignoring them (while sorting you); and you can't even be nice to her on her birthday	why the hell are you deciding who she should say hello to? what the fuck? leave her alone. jesus dude. yta.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last night i was playing with a band at our local bar. my wife came in and immediately latched on to a band members wife in the corner of the bar and spent 2+ hours not leaving the area. she has maybe met the band members wife one time. maybe twenty feet away was a group of our friends, she says they are my friends and her acquaintances. she would not leave the corner of the bar and waved hello to them. it was not a crowded bar. during a break i asked if she would go and say hello to our friends. she told me she waved. i again said it would be great if you said hello to them considering they came out to support the band. a little back story, these same friends invited us to their house two weeks ago and we spent hours at their house hanging out. after the gig i guess i was visibly annoyed but didn’t want to say anything because her birthday is today. when we got home she pressed me on it and i told her i felt it was pretty rude to not have the courtesy to say hello to our friends. she challenged me saying why does she have to go and say hi instead of them coming up to her. well, they were already there sitting at a table and it was a group of people. it made me very uncomfortable how cold it felt that she couldn’t take one minute to go and say hello and seemingly hid in the corner on purpose with someone who is a relative stranger. now it’s her birthday and she’s crying saying i was very rude. i don’t believe i was rude at all and just told her on her request how i was feeling. i’m ready for your judgment. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> last night i was playing with a band at our local bar. my wife came in and immediately latched on to a band members wife in the corner of the bar and spent 2+ hours not leaving the area. she has maybe met the band members wife one time. maybe twenty feet away was a group of our friends, she says they are my friends and her acquaintances. she would not leave the corner of the bar and waved hello to them. it was not a crowded bar. during a break i asked if she would go and say hello to our friends. she told me she waved. i again said it would be great if you said hello to them considering they came out to support the band. a little back story, these same friends invited us to their house two weeks ago and we spent hours at their house hanging out. after the gig i guess i was visibly annoyed but didn’t want to say anything because her birthday is today. when we got home she pressed me on it and i told her i felt it was pretty rude to not have the courtesy to say hello to our friends. she challenged me saying why does she have to go and say hi instead of them coming up to her. well, they were already there sitting at a table and it was a group of people. it made me very uncomfortable how cold it felt that she couldn’t take one minute to go and say hello and seemingly hid in the corner on purpose with someone who is a relative stranger. now it’s her birthday and she’s crying saying i was very rude. i don’t believe i was rude at all and just told her on her request how i was feeling. i’m ready for your judgment. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. she waved and was hanging out with someone she considered her friend. this was also her birthday and it was nice of her to spend that time supporting you. this is the case of making a big deal out of nothing. just let it go. </s>
AITA for laughing hysterically after my husband called me "housewife" and embarrasing him infront of coworkers?	my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line?	23,490	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u04h6f/aita_for_laughing_hysterically_after_my_husband/	2022-04-09 22:57:16	nta. hint for hubby: don't want to be embarassed in front of your coworker? then don't lie.	he fucked around and found out. nta.	nta. men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. he only seemed to care about his embarrassment, and not yours. i'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up. yuck.	nta. he diminished (being a housewife is not a "low" role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. in public. as he deserved. talk shit, get hit (verbally).	nta. if he doesn’t want to look like a useless asshole, he probably shouldn’t be a useless asshole. > he said i could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this “you should have been ok with me being misogynistic and demeaning to you in front of my coworkers. you should not have embarrassed me like i embarrassed you because my image is more important than your dignity”	ummm. if he doesn’t want to be embarrassed then he should’ve told the truth. nta.	nta. it's a red flag for the relationship. he doesn't want a partner who is an equal. he wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man.	info: why are you married to him exactly? you're clearly able to stand up to him yet are doing all the housework on top of a full time job.	nta, but a queen!	nta. he opened this can of worms. he calls you mrs. smith, doesn't acknowledge you other than as his mrs. and yet calls you the house's wife. wow! does it get better than this? /s enjoy the quiet. he should be embarrased because he embarrased himself!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. when they arrived he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying "this is mrs smith (didn't even say my name)...the housewife!". i looked at him for a second then i started laughing hysterically. i then told said "no honey i work full time and yes i still act like a housewife when i'm home because you simply can't bother to help". his co workers were staring at him as he tried to laugh and change the subject and ask what they wanted to drink. dinner went super awkward with him giving me looks and stares. once the guests left he blew up saying i embarrassed him by laughing like a lunatic and then making the comment i made infront of his new coworks and ruining his image. i told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree to begin with. he said i could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless. he stormed off and has been quiet the entire night. was i out of line? [/INST] nta. hint for hubby: don't want to be embarassed in front of your coworker? then don't lie. </s>
AITA for leaving my best friend and his friends stranded in an unfamiliar city?	so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole?	23,927	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uptyk1/aita_for_leaving_my_best_friend_and_his_friends/	2022-05-15 00:18:07	nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home.	nta. was there a more adult way to deal with this? definitely. did they deserve to be treated like adults after the disrespectful, asinine and childish stunt they pulled? no. fuck those guys. they got what they deserved.	nta… who tells someone they can’t sleep in their own camper? he’s not your best friend.	i'm just really confused what these people's thought process was. they really thought they'd lock you out of your own camper and you'd smile and drive them home? was it harsh? yes. did they deserve it? also yes. they're grown, they can find their way home. nta	nta. they straight up locked you out? that's messed up. sounds like they see you not as a friend but as someone who can do stuff for them. they are adults with phones and money, they were fine. i would suggest you start making new (better) friends, even if you decide to keep these guys around.	nta. this made me laugh. i could picture you hitching up the camper to your truck. looking at your watch and looking out for the first sign of them coming. then seeing them come and executing the perfect moment to fking floor it and yee haw!!! get the fk outta there!!! then looking in the mirror and getting the ultimate satisfaction of seeing them running after you but to no avail. you need to cross post this. i think there is a petty revenge sub? because this is gold.	nta- a better way, like calling the police on them for locking you out of your property?	nta , maybe i'm bias because i love what you did, but i think it's fair. they locked you out of your trailer and stole the keys ! you're not wrong for getting back at them questions though ? y'all aren't like , kids right ? because i think that would be kinda not ok if you stranded some 18 year olds like that.	nta. you did your friend an enormous favor by giving them a ride and a place to stay only for them to kick you out. honestly they sound like entitled assholes and for all of the people call you the ah, hind sight is 20/20. i’m not saying that it’s not possible you couldn’t have found a better solution but in the heat of the moment, after having slept in your truck, you get a pass.	nta. with more training, they might’ve caught up. they should thank you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so for background, my best friend has gotten into going to these spartan races. he and a small group of his friends have started going to local ones but recently heard about one in another state they wanted to go to and compete in, but they didn't have anywhere to stay. so they asked me if they could borrow my truck and trailer (i have a tow behind camper) for the weekend. i said no, i wasn't comfortable with them taking my truck and trailer but that i'd drive them and the camper to their event. we made the three hour trip and set everything up in the area where the race was taking place the next day. i have a habit of leaving my keys on a hook next to the door to my bedroom in my camper. remember this. come nightfall, i went to take a phone call outside and ended up wandering around the grounds for over an hour. when i got back to the camper, the door was locked, and i was told by my best friend's older friend through the window that there wasn't enough room for me in my trailer. so i reached for my keys to unlock the door, but realized i had left them inside the camper on the hook in my room. so i called my best friend from outside and all i was told was "sorry bro, nothing i can do". so i ended up sleeping in my truck that night, which i had fortunately left unlocked by accident. their race began at 8 am, and at 7, they came meandering out of the trailer and woke me up. no apology, by the way. so while they were in their race, i hooked my truck back up to the trailer, closed and locked everything, and waited until just after they finished and had started walking back to the trailer (think really wide open field). when i saw them coming, i started the truck and drove off the property. with them chasing behind. i made the three hour trip back home declining call after call. when i finally got home, i finally took my best friend's call. he started yelling at me saying "why would you do this? we have no way home now". i just said sorry, you shouldn't have made me sleep in my truck after i did you this solid. he told me that there were better ways to handle this than by leaving them in an unfamiliar city with no way home. i think he ended up calling his dad to come and get them. is he right? was there a better way to handle this? i felt justified until he said that. i am kinda doubting my decision now. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. they’re spartan warriors, right? they should run home. </s>
AITA for not wanting to go to family therapy?	wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife. which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones. i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids. so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole?	3,678	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cw7n8e/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_family_therapy/	2019-08-27 17:29:28	yta >i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids if children don't like you, the answer is not to be harsher with them. your wife is correct, children and teens respond more when they have a good bond. if you don't want to go to therapy with the kids (i can see why, tbh), go alone and come up with a plan for how you will bond with them. this might mean making a daily point of giving genuine praise, taking a full weekend to do something they really want, trying out being the relaxed parent for a weekend or camping trip. this might be more effective than having an 11 and 8 year old sit. through therapy.	yta you're making this all about you. you have two young children who you have prioritized below your career and now you're being resentful because they have learned to rely on the parent who has been consistently there for them. if this was about building a relationship with your kids you would be willing to do whatever it takes including(but definitely not limited to) acknowledging your own role in this dynamic. instead you seem to blame your wife and kids for bonding with each other. you need to learn how to interact and build a positive relationship with your kids. you can't do that without help because if you could you would have done so already. digging your heels in and refusing to meet your wife half way will only further damage your relationships.	yta: i was already leaning towards this judgement but then i read “maybe we’re being too soft with the kids” and my blood ran cold. you do realize that you can’t punish someone enough to make them love you, right? you seriously need therapy, at the very least solo, on top of family so you can learn how to foster a real relationship with people instead of expecting them to automatically love you.	yta you missed out on some important bonding time due to your job. you don’t mention taking any initiative of getting involved with your kids activities that they enjoy... taking time to play or whatever it is that they like to do. now your wife has taken the time to try and set things up with a professional to try and facilitate some bonding for you. the family therapy doesn’t really gain anything for her... it’s literally for you and your relationship to your kids. swallow your pride and accept some help. at least give it an honest shot.	yta. there is clearly a problem here, which you acknowledge. and you have a professional that can help you fix it, and you are refusing to go? i hate to break it to ya man, but from an outsider looking in that sounds like you know you're the one at fault and just don't want to admit it. your wife is willing to put in the work to make the family better, are you?	>i work a lot and i travel quite a few times > >my career is very important to me as well as my family > >i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful sounds like you know why your kids aren't close to you and what you need to do. yta for being absent in much of their lives and then suggesting that they don't like you because "maybe we were being too soft". like wut. of course your wife is upset at you, you are being an immature asshole.	yta. it was nah until the end when you suggested that this has something to do with "being too soft with the kids". in the first place, you were misguided about what family therapy could do for you-- it's not that they need therapy to like you, it's that something is off in the relationship and a therapist can help figure out what it is and fix it. but that bit at the end, combined with your mention of "lecturing" them, makes me think that this might have a lot to do with the way you actually treat your children. if you're lecturing them a lot and acting like it's bad to be "soft", that would completely explain why they prefer their mother to you.	yta-my dad was rarely around due to work (he farmed, which meant he was always up by 5 am doing chores-and then out doing more chores until 8 pm at the earliest.) i was terrified of him as a child because this strange man would visit my mom and try to pick me up and love me. so, my dad seeing that he was around so little as to terrify his child with stranger danger, changed. he got up earlier to do chores and came in to make breakfast for us at least 3 times a week. he came in for dinners, extending his chore time past 9 or 10 pm (sometimes later if it was harvest season). then on sundays he had chores but encouraged us to help him out-teaching us about car maintenance, how to jump start a tractor, or he'd get involved with teaching us sports or how to shoot a bow. he made time for us. as such, my sister and i love our dad. you made children. you have to put in effort. you don't get a pass for being busy (everyone's busy, that's life.) you have to make the time. you may have to sacrifice precious time for it to work, but think about how many hours of their life you missed, that you weren't there for, that instead of a family memory they have a memory of their mom. kids aren't vending machines, you don't get to put in the bare minimum and expect a reward.	yta. your wife is right. the current way isn't working so why not get some outside advice? your hurt should matter less than the chance to build a better relationship with your kids. and do you really think that being 'too soft' is turning your kids away?	“maybe we’re being too soft on the kids.” yta. you can’t force your kids to like you, man. if you think dictating who they go to is going to help? you’re wrong. it’ll just make them resent you. instead of sucking it up and going to therapy because it’s “hurtful,” you’d rather force your kids to pretend to like you because it’s better for your ego. you should be focused on what’s best for your kids. and own your choices and the consequences of them. your career is important to you. that’s fine. but you made the choice to work so much and you can’t expect that to not affect your kids. the cat’s in the cradle and all of that.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife. which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones. i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids. so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife. which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones. i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids. so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole? [/INST] yta >i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids if children don't like you, the answer is not to be harsher with them. your wife is correct, children and teens respond more when they have a good bond. if you don't want to go to therapy with the kids (i can see why, tbh), go alone and come up with a plan for how you will bond with them. this might mean making a daily point of giving genuine praise, taking a full weekend to do something they really want, trying out being the relaxed parent for a weekend or camping trip. this might be more effective than having an 11 and 8 year old sit. through therapy. </s>
AITA for saying I’d call the police if a family heirloom wasn’t returned to my adopted daughter?	on mobile and i’ve never posted here before so sorry in advance. i (28f) met my husband x (30m) 10yrs ago. at the time, he was a single dad to a 6mo baby girl, lily(11f). i worked at the bakery he’d stop at every saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out. we got married 6yrs ago, and i legally adopted lily soon after that. in my family, it’s a tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday. the ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male. lily’s 11th birthday was a few months ago, and i gave the ring to her because she’s my oldest daughter. she loves that ring more than anything. she put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could keep better track of it, and in the months that she’s had it, i’ve never seen her take it off. my sister mia (24f) is one of lily’s favorite people. lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes mia will just text to let me and x know that she’s picking lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that. the other day, i got one of those texts from mia, so i just told her to be safe, have fun, and make sure my daughter came home at a decent time because it was a school night. lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. i thought that maybe she was just tired, so he and i didn’t immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night i went to go check on her because i wanted to be sure. when i walked into her room i saw that she had been crying. i asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that mia took the ring from her because it’s a family heirloom that’s supposed to go to the “actual” oldest daughter and because i adopted her, that means she isn’t really family. the only reason i didn’t go to mia’s apartment that night to get it back was because i spent the rest of the evening reassuring lily that she is my family, and she is 100% my “actual” oldest daughter no matter what our dna is or what anyone else says. i left mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before i drive over there and get it myself. she texted saying she would only give it to me if i had a daughter before she did, but until then she’d keep it safe to make sure i didn’t give it back to “the wrong person”. so then i told her that if she didn’t return the ring by 2pm that day, i would be calling the police and reporting it stolen. she started texting like crazy, saying i was being ridiculous and doing too much. our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying i’d contact the police was taking it too far, and that mia was only trying to keep to the family tradition.	20,999	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xll1dz/aita_for_saying_id_call_the_police_if_a_family/	2022-09-23 02:32:40	nta she took a birthday gift from your child and then told that child that she “wasn’t really family” ? your sister is lucky that all you did was say you’d call the cops.	[removed]	nta call the cops on her	yeah, herloom or not, she stole valuable from your child. save messages and go to the police to file report. she herself distroyed your relationship, so feel zero guit. she will steal more if you let her and i will be suspicious that she have done it already. also remember - you are protecting your child, she cannot be trusted with her now. she may do something else to her in the future. do not accept this. nta	nta. call the cops to escort you to take it back and on top of that remove her from the pick up list and keep her away from your daughter. if she truly loved lilly she wouldn't do that to her.	nta file that police report. it’s not your sister’s place to determine who your eldest daughter is or isn’t.	[removed]	my heart breaks for lilly. to think that your mom and sister are treating her this was is beyond disgusting and reprehensible. you are and awesome mom to lilly and your sister is a sad person. i say call the police and file a report. once you get it back cut all ties with your family. you are far from being the ah... i'm sure reddit will not only be on your side but create an army to go get that ring back for that sweet baby if yours. your sister and mom are the true ahs	why is your mom defending her? nta. call the police and let us know how it went.	[removed]	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile and i’ve never posted here before so sorry in advance. i (28f) met my husband x (30m) 10yrs ago. at the time, he was a single dad to a 6mo baby girl, lily(11f). i worked at the bakery he’d stop at every saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out. we got married 6yrs ago, and i legally adopted lily soon after that. in my family, it’s a tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday. the ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male. lily’s 11th birthday was a few months ago, and i gave the ring to her because she’s my oldest daughter. she loves that ring more than anything. she put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could keep better track of it, and in the months that she’s had it, i’ve never seen her take it off. my sister mia (24f) is one of lily’s favorite people. lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes mia will just text to let me and x know that she’s picking lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that. the other day, i got one of those texts from mia, so i just told her to be safe, have fun, and make sure my daughter came home at a decent time because it was a school night. lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. i thought that maybe she was just tired, so he and i didn’t immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night i went to go check on her because i wanted to be sure. when i walked into her room i saw that she had been crying. i asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that mia took the ring from her because it’s a family heirloom that’s supposed to go to the “actual” oldest daughter and because i adopted her, that means she isn’t really family. the only reason i didn’t go to mia’s apartment that night to get it back was because i spent the rest of the evening reassuring lily that she is my family, and she is 100% my “actual” oldest daughter no matter what our dna is or what anyone else says. i left mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before i drive over there and get it myself. she texted saying she would only give it to me if i had a daughter before she did, but until then she’d keep it safe to make sure i didn’t give it back to “the wrong person”. so then i told her that if she didn’t return the ring by 2pm that day, i would be calling the police and reporting it stolen. she started texting like crazy, saying i was being ridiculous and doing too much. our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying i’d contact the police was taking it too far, and that mia was only trying to keep to the family tradition.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> on mobile and i’ve never posted here before so sorry in advance. i (28f) met my husband x (30m) 10yrs ago. at the time, he was a single dad to a 6mo baby girl, lily(11f). i worked at the bakery he’d stop at every saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out. we got married 6yrs ago, and i legally adopted lily soon after that. in my family, it’s a tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday. the ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male. lily’s 11th birthday was a few months ago, and i gave the ring to her because she’s my oldest daughter. she loves that ring more than anything. she put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could keep better track of it, and in the months that she’s had it, i’ve never seen her take it off. my sister mia (24f) is one of lily’s favorite people. lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes mia will just text to let me and x know that she’s picking lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that. the other day, i got one of those texts from mia, so i just told her to be safe, have fun, and make sure my daughter came home at a decent time because it was a school night. lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. i thought that maybe she was just tired, so he and i didn’t immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night i went to go check on her because i wanted to be sure. when i walked into her room i saw that she had been crying. i asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that mia took the ring from her because it’s a family heirloom that’s supposed to go to the “actual” oldest daughter and because i adopted her, that means she isn’t really family. the only reason i didn’t go to mia’s apartment that night to get it back was because i spent the rest of the evening reassuring lily that she is my family, and she is 100% my “actual” oldest daughter no matter what our dna is or what anyone else says. i left mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before i drive over there and get it myself. she texted saying she would only give it to me if i had a daughter before she did, but until then she’d keep it safe to make sure i didn’t give it back to “the wrong person”. so then i told her that if she didn’t return the ring by 2pm that day, i would be calling the police and reporting it stolen. she started texting like crazy, saying i was being ridiculous and doing too much. our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying i’d contact the police was taking it too far, and that mia was only trying to keep to the family tradition. [/INST] nta she took a birthday gift from your child and then told that child that she “wasn’t really family” ? your sister is lucky that all you did was say you’d call the cops. </s>
AITA for telling my husband and his family to suck it up when they complained about my daughters wedding?	i won't complicate this. i have a daughter cara who is not my biological daughter, nor was she my legal daughter until she reached the age of 18 when she asked me to adopt her as an adult. i married my husband when she was 14 and together we have two children. cara gets along okay with my husband. but admittedly her upbringing means she was maybe not as able to bond with a father figure as she was with a mother figure and her age was also a factor. regardless, everyone gets along and i think that is the best you expect when you have someone who went through as much as she did at a young age. cara is engaged and came to me recently and told me she would like to walk with me down the aisle and do a dance with me while her fiance dances with his mom. she told me she didn't know how to ask for that without hurting my husband. i told her he would understand and i would be honored to do it. i did not expect my husband and his parents to take offence. they believe she snubbed my husband and is making it seem like he's nothing. after listening to them complain about this for ten minutes i told them to suck it up and accept that she asked me, her mom, to do both of those parts of the wedding and that i was proud to do it. i dared them to tell me i was less deserving than my husband. my husband and his parents believe i wasn't very understanding (and downright rude!!! according to my mil). aita? so to clarify for people because i was not clear. my husband is not her father, he is her stepfather through me. i was married before and she was my stepdaughter who i ended up with custody of but never legally adopted as a minor because her biological mother was alive. she has trauma relating to father figures (two prior ones to be exact) so she has never really considered my husband as such but their relationship has been good considering everything she has been through. i did adopt her when she turned 18. not my husband, just me. adding some more to this. had my husband confided in me that his feelings were hurt that would be one thing. but he did not. he went to his parents and then all three decided to take offence to the fact not only was he not asked but i was. and while they never came out directly and told me that i should say no it was implied throughout their complaints. none of which were about his hurt feelings and all about the "snub" and how unbelievable it was that i would be filling that role in her wedding.	20,411	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lbu51k/aita_for_telling_my_husband_and_his_family_to/	2021-02-03 18:18:19	nta. you’re doing everything right and i think it’s lovely that she wanted you to walk her down the aisle. it’s a testament to your relationship with her. it seems clear to me why she wouldn’t want him: he doesn’t behave as a parent so why would he stand in as her “father”?	>cara is engaged and came to me recently and told me she would like to walk with me down the aisle and do a dance with me while her fiance dances with his mom. nta, this is beautiful. good job, mom!	nta. what a pity party. call the wambulance.	nta. info: did just you adopt her or did you and your husband both adopt her? not that it makes a difference, i'm just curious. bottom line is she can ask whomever she wants to walk her down the aisle, it's no one else's damn business. when it's their wedding they can be in charge of it.	nta . this isn’t the 1700s you can have whoever you want , if anyone at all, walking you down the aisle. he’s not her father, so why tf did they all expect him to walk her down? her day, her choice, case closed	nta next time they bitch and moan. call them out by asking sincerely... why is what you want more important than the bride? why do you deserve to have input in her wedding? what have you done for cara that makes you feel so entitled to be miffed about this? the main thing to remember is they don’t have any reason to be a part of this wedding. they are just guests.	nta. it's her choice. also, i'm assuming your husband will have future opportunity to play a big part in the two other children's weddings. just out of curiosity, would your husband accept something else like a speech and would cara be ok with that? is he paying for any part of the wedding?	nta...it's her wedding, her day, and her life. she can ask who she wants, just like any other bride. your advice for your husband and his family is good advice to anyone who wants to dictate how somebody should get married.	what is cara's relationship to your husband? is he her biological father? it's very unclear in the way that you refer to him exclusively as "my husband", never her father, and the way you say that they get along "okay" but due to her "upbringing" (which the audience here knows nothing about) they were unable to bond. but you also clarify in a comment that he did not adopt her?	nta - to be clear, your husband and his family are asking that his ego be considered before her trauma on her own wedding day. fuck these people. you sure you want to keep hanging around them?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i won't complicate this. i have a daughter cara who is not my biological daughter, nor was she my legal daughter until she reached the age of 18 when she asked me to adopt her as an adult. i married my husband when she was 14 and together we have two children. cara gets along okay with my husband. but admittedly her upbringing means she was maybe not as able to bond with a father figure as she was with a mother figure and her age was also a factor. regardless, everyone gets along and i think that is the best you expect when you have someone who went through as much as she did at a young age. cara is engaged and came to me recently and told me she would like to walk with me down the aisle and do a dance with me while her fiance dances with his mom. she told me she didn't know how to ask for that without hurting my husband. i told her he would understand and i would be honored to do it. i did not expect my husband and his parents to take offence. they believe she snubbed my husband and is making it seem like he's nothing. after listening to them complain about this for ten minutes i told them to suck it up and accept that she asked me, her mom, to do both of those parts of the wedding and that i was proud to do it. i dared them to tell me i was less deserving than my husband. my husband and his parents believe i wasn't very understanding (and downright rude!!! according to my mil). aita? so to clarify for people because i was not clear. my husband is not her father, he is her stepfather through me. i was married before and she was my stepdaughter who i ended up with custody of but never legally adopted as a minor because her biological mother was alive. she has trauma relating to father figures (two prior ones to be exact) so she has never really considered my husband as such but their relationship has been good considering everything she has been through. i did adopt her when she turned 18. not my husband, just me. adding some more to this. had my husband confided in me that his feelings were hurt that would be one thing. but he did not. he went to his parents and then all three decided to take offence to the fact not only was he not asked but i was. and while they never came out directly and told me that i should say no it was implied throughout their complaints. none of which were about his hurt feelings and all about the "snub" and how unbelievable it was that i would be filling that role in her wedding.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i won't complicate this. i have a daughter cara who is not my biological daughter, nor was she my legal daughter until she reached the age of 18 when she asked me to adopt her as an adult. i married my husband when she was 14 and together we have two children. cara gets along okay with my husband. but admittedly her upbringing means she was maybe not as able to bond with a father figure as she was with a mother figure and her age was also a factor. regardless, everyone gets along and i think that is the best you expect when you have someone who went through as much as she did at a young age. cara is engaged and came to me recently and told me she would like to walk with me down the aisle and do a dance with me while her fiance dances with his mom. she told me she didn't know how to ask for that without hurting my husband. i told her he would understand and i would be honored to do it. i did not expect my husband and his parents to take offence. they believe she snubbed my husband and is making it seem like he's nothing. after listening to them complain about this for ten minutes i told them to suck it up and accept that she asked me, her mom, to do both of those parts of the wedding and that i was proud to do it. i dared them to tell me i was less deserving than my husband. my husband and his parents believe i wasn't very understanding (and downright rude!!! according to my mil). aita? so to clarify for people because i was not clear. my husband is not her father, he is her stepfather through me. i was married before and she was my stepdaughter who i ended up with custody of but never legally adopted as a minor because her biological mother was alive. she has trauma relating to father figures (two prior ones to be exact) so she has never really considered my husband as such but their relationship has been good considering everything she has been through. i did adopt her when she turned 18. not my husband, just me. adding some more to this. had my husband confided in me that his feelings were hurt that would be one thing. but he did not. he went to his parents and then all three decided to take offence to the fact not only was he not asked but i was. and while they never came out directly and told me that i should say no it was implied throughout their complaints. none of which were about his hurt feelings and all about the "snub" and how unbelievable it was that i would be filling that role in her wedding. [/INST] nta. you’re doing everything right and i think it’s lovely that she wanted you to walk her down the aisle. it’s a testament to your relationship with her. it seems clear to me why she wouldn’t want him: he doesn’t behave as a parent so why would he stand in as her “father”? </s>
AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them?	i'm a grown ass man, i'm 32, my family is huge and unbelievably annoying. i'm gay and that is the voldemort of our family. everyone knows about it, and most are afraid to acknowledge it. for that reason, everyone is fucking weird around me, they never know what to talk to me about, they're afraid of asking me anything so they don't really know much about me or my life, and they usually end up talking about the weather, themselves, or my seven million nieces and nephews. years ago i started dealing with the problem by coming to such gatherings as rarely as possible, and when i have to be there, i just get drunk. not the lying-under-the-table-puking-in-nana's-shoes plastered, but finding-everything-amusing drunk. i'm not normally a drinker, so it doesn't take me much to get to that stage. however, recently, my brother made the observation that i drink every time he sees me. he sounded almost worried and asked if i drink every day, and i said no, not at all. then he started laughing and said: what, you only drink when you see us? huehuehue you couldn't handle being around us sober, huh? huehue! and i just sort of smiled, and took a sip of my mulled wine and didn't respond. 20 minutes later, my mom comes up to me and says my brother's wife told her i only get drunk when i'm around them because i can't stand any of them. i ask her how my sister in law knows that, because i never said it. she goes away and comes back with my sil who admits i never said it, but i never denied it either. they put me on the spot so i said it's not as bad as that, i just find it easier to socialize with so many people if i have 2-3 drinks. my mom and sil were like nooope, you hate us, admit you hate us, well fine, if you hate us, fine, don't come see us anymore, who cares, we don't care, you don't care, nobody cares and so on and so forth. it was just a vomit of passive aggression that i wasn't able to get a word in, so finally, when they asked me to leave, i did. the only person who's contacted me since then is my brother, who laughed when he spoke to me on the phone and said "they didn't mean it" but admitted that he felt it was assholish of me to get drunk at every gathering. honestly, the other option for me is to not go at all. i'm going because they like seeing me and being with me (despite not liking most things about me), so i feel like getting a little drunk is the less assholish route than not going at all. **	19,357	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9o8yw/aita_for_drinking_alcohol_at_every_family/	2019-12-12 14:28:44	nta. i'd drink too. no one in your family actually has a genuine conversation with you because of your sexual orientation and that's not okay. i'd feel awkward as fuck.	nta next time. when they gang up on you like this nod and say: this is why. now get me another beer	jesus christ, i don’t know any of these people and i already hate them. nta. but probably best if you stop hanging out with them.	what a juvenile bunch of assholes. nta. don't visit anymore, think of your liver!	> my mom and sil were like nooope, you hate us, admit you hate us, well fine, if you hate us, fine, don't come see us anymore, who cares, we don't care, you don't care, nobody cares and so on and so forth. it was just a vomit of passive aggression that i wasn't able to get a word in, so finally, when they asked me to leave, i did. sounds like your problem resolved itself quite nicely.	nta. i'm a gay man who does this when i visit my family too. stop gifting these assholes your presence and your time. you need to think of your personality as if you are a high-priced lawyer and that your "hours" are billable. time is your most precious resource. you have very few hours on this little blue marble of a planet before you're in the grave. so don't piss special days off down your leg by forcing yourself to smile for people who force themselves to smile back. there are a ton of cute guys, fun friends, and other humans walking around this planetary surface who would love to spend a holiday or afternoon with you. your family does not see you as a precious resource. they see you either as an obligation or a periphery member. what do you do in this case? give them a chance to miss you. stop going to functions and 2-3 years later these curmudgeons will warm over and then start making overtures to have you come back for events. but by that time you'll have a hot man and a sweet dog/pet and might politely decline their invitation anyway.	nta - while getting drunk isn't the most adult way of dealing with your family being horrible it's them that are at fault. i would reccomended following through and cutting out your family till they can behave around you. good behavior is a reasonable condition for your company.	nta they sound manipulative to me. i have the opposite issue i’m the black sheep of my family because i’m gay and dont drink around them. my family’s chock full of alcoholics so i don’t drink around them as to not enable. they also accuse me of hating them because i don’t talk to them and go to gatherings for no more than 2 hours. guard your heart op. at least your brother was concerned about your wellbeing to begin with but for everyone else to make it about them speaks loudly to me. boundaries are healthy.	info: why would you being gay be an issue? are they religious or homophobic or anything?	nta - also you're great and you're doing great stuff, keep being great, i am proud of you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a grown ass man, i'm 32, my family is huge and unbelievably annoying. i'm gay and that is the voldemort of our family. everyone knows about it, and most are afraid to acknowledge it. for that reason, everyone is fucking weird around me, they never know what to talk to me about, they're afraid of asking me anything so they don't really know much about me or my life, and they usually end up talking about the weather, themselves, or my seven million nieces and nephews. years ago i started dealing with the problem by coming to such gatherings as rarely as possible, and when i have to be there, i just get drunk. not the lying-under-the-table-puking-in-nana's-shoes plastered, but finding-everything-amusing drunk. i'm not normally a drinker, so it doesn't take me much to get to that stage. however, recently, my brother made the observation that i drink every time he sees me. he sounded almost worried and asked if i drink every day, and i said no, not at all. then he started laughing and said: what, you only drink when you see us? huehuehue you couldn't handle being around us sober, huh? huehue! and i just sort of smiled, and took a sip of my mulled wine and didn't respond. 20 minutes later, my mom comes up to me and says my brother's wife told her i only get drunk when i'm around them because i can't stand any of them. i ask her how my sister in law knows that, because i never said it. she goes away and comes back with my sil who admits i never said it, but i never denied it either. they put me on the spot so i said it's not as bad as that, i just find it easier to socialize with so many people if i have 2-3 drinks. my mom and sil were like nooope, you hate us, admit you hate us, well fine, if you hate us, fine, don't come see us anymore, who cares, we don't care, you don't care, nobody cares and so on and so forth. it was just a vomit of passive aggression that i wasn't able to get a word in, so finally, when they asked me to leave, i did. the only person who's contacted me since then is my brother, who laughed when he spoke to me on the phone and said "they didn't mean it" but admitted that he felt it was assholish of me to get drunk at every gathering. honestly, the other option for me is to not go at all. i'm going because they like seeing me and being with me (despite not liking most things about me), so i feel like getting a little drunk is the less assholish route than not going at all. **	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm a grown ass man, i'm 32, my family is huge and unbelievably annoying. i'm gay and that is the voldemort of our family. everyone knows about it, and most are afraid to acknowledge it. for that reason, everyone is fucking weird around me, they never know what to talk to me about, they're afraid of asking me anything so they don't really know much about me or my life, and they usually end up talking about the weather, themselves, or my seven million nieces and nephews. years ago i started dealing with the problem by coming to such gatherings as rarely as possible, and when i have to be there, i just get drunk. not the lying-under-the-table-puking-in-nana's-shoes plastered, but finding-everything-amusing drunk. i'm not normally a drinker, so it doesn't take me much to get to that stage. however, recently, my brother made the observation that i drink every time he sees me. he sounded almost worried and asked if i drink every day, and i said no, not at all. then he started laughing and said: what, you only drink when you see us? huehuehue you couldn't handle being around us sober, huh? huehue! and i just sort of smiled, and took a sip of my mulled wine and didn't respond. 20 minutes later, my mom comes up to me and says my brother's wife told her i only get drunk when i'm around them because i can't stand any of them. i ask her how my sister in law knows that, because i never said it. she goes away and comes back with my sil who admits i never said it, but i never denied it either. they put me on the spot so i said it's not as bad as that, i just find it easier to socialize with so many people if i have 2-3 drinks. my mom and sil were like nooope, you hate us, admit you hate us, well fine, if you hate us, fine, don't come see us anymore, who cares, we don't care, you don't care, nobody cares and so on and so forth. it was just a vomit of passive aggression that i wasn't able to get a word in, so finally, when they asked me to leave, i did. the only person who's contacted me since then is my brother, who laughed when he spoke to me on the phone and said "they didn't mean it" but admitted that he felt it was assholish of me to get drunk at every gathering. honestly, the other option for me is to not go at all. i'm going because they like seeing me and being with me (despite not liking most things about me), so i feel like getting a little drunk is the less assholish route than not going at all. ** [/INST] nta. i'd drink too. no one in your family actually has a genuine conversation with you because of your sexual orientation and that's not okay. i'd feel awkward as fuck. </s>
AITA for telling my to be granddaughter in law some lewd advice after my family asked for some ‘grandmotherly wisdom’?	my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment.	24,023	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gfvw7h/aita_for_telling_my_to_be_granddaughter_in_law/	2020-05-08 16:05:08	nta. you are the type of grandmother i aspire to be!	nta. the thing about being a grandparent is you can make these jokes as the matriarch/patriarch of the family and everybody else just has to deal. if the couple are the ones that laughed the moment wasn’t ruined.	nta. the couple laughed and weren't offended, so no one else's opinion really matters. people are too damn uptight sometimes. presumably they're all adults. i still remember a quote from an old lady on an episode of anthony bourdain's show. i think she was czech, and i may be mistemembering, but it was something along the line of "how to know if your man is cheating when he's away? put his balls in water. if they sink, he's been faithful." still makes me laugh.	beyond the fact that your advice was awesome, (and it was!), they asked you repeatedly to say something. since your wisdom so clearly offends them, i bet they won't ask for it so persistently in the future. nta.	nta. that’s hilarious.	[deleted]	nta i wish you were my grandmother! you’re hilarious. on a more serious note, the joke was intended for your granddaughter in law, and she found it funny. the rest of the family shouldn’t have a problem with it.	congrats on the impending family expansion! esh, you very slightly because the sentiment is sexist, even though it's a joke that's in good fun. your granddaughter and daughter seem to have a lot of opinions about what you should and shouldn't be doing, which is ta. you sound like a wonderful grandma.	nah.it depends on context tbh. in my terribly sexist culture if my grandmother-in-law had said something like this in front of the whole family it would be equivalent to asking whether i made perfect round rotis and i would be upset because the power dynamic skews so heavily with the in-laws, and i am likely to move into their house after marriage. here, it seems like maybe it wasn’t the same context? but honestly, that phrase sucks, shrug.	[deleted]	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	NAH	null	0.03125	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my good friend gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if i may say so. i liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. my family are aware i have a filthy sense of humor and i do like to laugh. my eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family facetime session. it was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. my granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly i wouldn’t know, and i’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! so i said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. i told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say i was inappropriate and ruined a moment. [/INST] nta. you are the type of grandmother i aspire to be! </s>
AITA for not letting my sister and bil sleep in my room instead of the living room?	my sister, bil, and their son moved in with me for due to financial issues. they have been here for around a month now. i only have a two bedroom place though. so my sister and bil have been bunking down in our living room and their son is staying in my sons room. they’ve asked if we could change the sleeping arrangements, so they (sister and bil) get one of the bedrooms and the boys stay in the living room. she said she and her husband were having problems because they never have any privacy for just the two of them. i said no to that because my son (who is autistic) needs to keep his sleeping arrangements and space the same otherwise he will have a meltdown and i’ll have a hard time getting him to bed. my sister understood that and then asked if i could stay in the living room then. she thinks it makes more sense for the single person to sleep in the living room instead of the couple who could share a bed. and yeah, from a neutral point of view it makes more sense, but come one this is my home. i want to keep my private area to myself in my home. it’s already driving me crazy having them here all the time. it’s only going to be worse if i don’t have someplace to retreat to. i also don’t want to have to sleep on a couch or air mattress in my home. i want to sleep in my bed where i won’t wake up with a backache. also let’s be real i don’t want my sister having sex in my bed. if i had a guest room i wouldn’t care, but them being in my own personal bed just makes me uncomfortable. like i totally get that not having privacy and not being able to have sex sucks for them, but i don’t think that that should effect me. so, i told her no to that too and now my sister and bil are basically giving me the silent treatment. they’re also both getting snippy with each other and arguing in hushed tones.	19,538	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkfn66/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_and_bil_sleep_in/	2020-05-15 19:22:49	nta, if they want some privacy for sex, they can go get a motel room for the night. that’s some nerve, asking for your bedroom in your house.	nta they’re choosy beggars. their lack of privacy can spur them into coming up with a solution outside of your home.	nta. if they wanted privacy they could have found dwelling outside of your apartment. you’re not a hilton hotel with four star amenities, they can certainly go find one though if their “issues” persist.	nta i totally agree with your sister! privacy for a couple (especially a couple with kids) is probably very valuable. which is why she and her husband and their son can go get their own place.	nta - if you follow the saying “beggars can’t be choosers” then they should be happy they have a place to stay, and not worry so much that they are stuck on a couch or air mattress. are they compensating you in any way for staying there?	nta like you said, it’s your house. she’s got some nerve even asking that. and not having sex won’t kill someone. they’ll live. sorry your going through this, it sucks. good luck! i have a feeling you’re going to need it	nta. 1. it’s your home. 2. you have equal right and more so to privacy and personal space. 3. your son’s health and needs come first. 4. you offered them free accommodation and they are imposing on you. they do not have the right to be selfish and entitled. they can live somewhere else if they want to have their own room. 5. they will not die from lack of sex. 6. no one wants to hear or have their family have sex in their personal bed. 7. their relationship struggles are not your responsibility.	nta, five people in a small apartment is very uncomfortable and the host, you get to decide where to sleep. you need your only retreat.	nta. they’re lucky you’ve taken them in and yet they’re trying to displace you and your son?	nta. it makes more sense for the person who owns the home and pays for it to have a bedroom, and the people who are going through financial difficulties to stop acting entitled and be grateful for even having a roof over their head.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister, bil, and their son moved in with me for due to financial issues. they have been here for around a month now. i only have a two bedroom place though. so my sister and bil have been bunking down in our living room and their son is staying in my sons room. they’ve asked if we could change the sleeping arrangements, so they (sister and bil) get one of the bedrooms and the boys stay in the living room. she said she and her husband were having problems because they never have any privacy for just the two of them. i said no to that because my son (who is autistic) needs to keep his sleeping arrangements and space the same otherwise he will have a meltdown and i’ll have a hard time getting him to bed. my sister understood that and then asked if i could stay in the living room then. she thinks it makes more sense for the single person to sleep in the living room instead of the couple who could share a bed. and yeah, from a neutral point of view it makes more sense, but come one this is my home. i want to keep my private area to myself in my home. it’s already driving me crazy having them here all the time. it’s only going to be worse if i don’t have someplace to retreat to. i also don’t want to have to sleep on a couch or air mattress in my home. i want to sleep in my bed where i won’t wake up with a backache. also let’s be real i don’t want my sister having sex in my bed. if i had a guest room i wouldn’t care, but them being in my own personal bed just makes me uncomfortable. like i totally get that not having privacy and not being able to have sex sucks for them, but i don’t think that that should effect me. so, i told her no to that too and now my sister and bil are basically giving me the silent treatment. they’re also both getting snippy with each other and arguing in hushed tones.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister, bil, and their son moved in with me for due to financial issues. they have been here for around a month now. i only have a two bedroom place though. so my sister and bil have been bunking down in our living room and their son is staying in my sons room. they’ve asked if we could change the sleeping arrangements, so they (sister and bil) get one of the bedrooms and the boys stay in the living room. she said she and her husband were having problems because they never have any privacy for just the two of them. i said no to that because my son (who is autistic) needs to keep his sleeping arrangements and space the same otherwise he will have a meltdown and i’ll have a hard time getting him to bed. my sister understood that and then asked if i could stay in the living room then. she thinks it makes more sense for the single person to sleep in the living room instead of the couple who could share a bed. and yeah, from a neutral point of view it makes more sense, but come one this is my home. i want to keep my private area to myself in my home. it’s already driving me crazy having them here all the time. it’s only going to be worse if i don’t have someplace to retreat to. i also don’t want to have to sleep on a couch or air mattress in my home. i want to sleep in my bed where i won’t wake up with a backache. also let’s be real i don’t want my sister having sex in my bed. if i had a guest room i wouldn’t care, but them being in my own personal bed just makes me uncomfortable. like i totally get that not having privacy and not being able to have sex sucks for them, but i don’t think that that should effect me. so, i told her no to that too and now my sister and bil are basically giving me the silent treatment. they’re also both getting snippy with each other and arguing in hushed tones. [/INST] nta, if they want some privacy for sex, they can go get a motel room for the night. that’s some nerve, asking for your bedroom in your house. </s>
AITA for spending more on my sisters wedding than I did on my own, And telling my wife I am not going to make her, “pay us back”?	i spent 51k on their wedding a couple months back. and 32k on ours, 7 years ago. upon my mom and her request, i paid for my sisters wedding. they couldn’t afford a big one. and saving for a wedding was obviously lower on the list. so she asked me. i obliged. it was important to her. i talked it over with my wife, basically to run it by her. and she said that was sweet of me, and gave me the green light. well she recently told me i needed to work out how they’d be, “paying us back”. but that was never apart of the plan. she says that we spent more on it than we did our own. and people don’t get handouts in life. i don’t understand her position. and i’m not going to ask my sister to pay me back. she also suggested my mother pitch in to pay us back. when i told her that was stupid, since it wasn’t my moms wedding. and she only asked for my sister. she said i’m a, “mommas boy, who needs to get his priorities straight”. seems harsh. but whatever. still not making anyone pay me back. people said to mention that we paid off her parents mortgage, and that she’s a stay at home spouse. idc that she stays home though. she doesn’t need to work. i specifically said: “is it okay if i pay for my sisters wedding”. those were the exact words i used. my wife’s brother is inheriting the house. not her. my wife is not a gold digger. we’ve been together since we were 15. she was with me when we were homeless, when i was a thousand miles away serving in the army, when i had no income, when i had a mental breakdown, she’s been with me at my lowest point. and we’re stuck with each other. so i’ll have to pass on the “divorce her” comments	5,275	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qcxgxu/aita_for_spending_more_on_my_sisters_wedding_than/	2021-10-21 17:55:54	yta for spending $51,000 on a damn wedding	info because you discussed it with her in advance but apparently did not make it clear that this was a gift and not a loan. if you made it clear to her that it was a gift, you are nta	hold on. you are married and she doesn’t work. you guys talked and helped pay her parents mortgage. and she’s not ok with you using money to pay for your sisters wedding after she said it was ok originally? nta in the slightest.	esh. 1. you do for not communicating clearly w/your wife. 2. your wife does for not communicating clearly w/you. 3. your sister does for throwing away an exorbitant amount of money on a single day. 4. your mother does for not imparting common sense onto either of her children.	info: do you need another sister? 🙋🏼‍♀️	info: when speaking with your wife about contributing money for the wedding, did you set a limit on how much? are you financially secure? without anymore info, this seems like a communication problem between you and your wife about what the expectations were about that money. for many people, that’s a lot of money to spend on something outside your immediate home/marriage/ lifestyle. saw all the updates nta	i don't understand why op is getting down voted. most of the reasons given are because they think $50k on a wedding is crazy. so what if it is? if he has the money to spare and his wife okayed it, then go for it. the fact that she now thinks his family should pay it back makes her the butthead imo. and why are his comments being down voted? the ones i've read aren't mean or hateful.	nta but only because can i have some money please? for real though - what you doing to have that much disposable income!	nta >well she recently told me i needed to work out how they’d be, “paying us back”. "you can't retro-actively put stipulations on gifts. if you wanted that to happen you should have brought it up before."	am i the only one thinking nta !??? coming from a females perspective. you asked her about it and got her ok? you didn’t do it without her permission. the only reason she’s upset is because she found out you payed more for the sisters wedding than you did your own?? nah she needs to take the l on this one.	YTA	INFO	NTA	ESH	INFO	INFO	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.3711	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i spent 51k on their wedding a couple months back. and 32k on ours, 7 years ago. upon my mom and her request, i paid for my sisters wedding. they couldn’t afford a big one. and saving for a wedding was obviously lower on the list. so she asked me. i obliged. it was important to her. i talked it over with my wife, basically to run it by her. and she said that was sweet of me, and gave me the green light. well she recently told me i needed to work out how they’d be, “paying us back”. but that was never apart of the plan. she says that we spent more on it than we did our own. and people don’t get handouts in life. i don’t understand her position. and i’m not going to ask my sister to pay me back. she also suggested my mother pitch in to pay us back. when i told her that was stupid, since it wasn’t my moms wedding. and she only asked for my sister. she said i’m a, “mommas boy, who needs to get his priorities straight”. seems harsh. but whatever. still not making anyone pay me back. people said to mention that we paid off her parents mortgage, and that she’s a stay at home spouse. idc that she stays home though. she doesn’t need to work. i specifically said: “is it okay if i pay for my sisters wedding”. those were the exact words i used. my wife’s brother is inheriting the house. not her. my wife is not a gold digger. we’ve been together since we were 15. she was with me when we were homeless, when i was a thousand miles away serving in the army, when i had no income, when i had a mental breakdown, she’s been with me at my lowest point. and we’re stuck with each other. so i’ll have to pass on the “divorce her” comments	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i spent 51k on their wedding a couple months back. and 32k on ours, 7 years ago. upon my mom and her request, i paid for my sisters wedding. they couldn’t afford a big one. and saving for a wedding was obviously lower on the list. so she asked me. i obliged. it was important to her. i talked it over with my wife, basically to run it by her. and she said that was sweet of me, and gave me the green light. well she recently told me i needed to work out how they’d be, “paying us back”. but that was never apart of the plan. she says that we spent more on it than we did our own. and people don’t get handouts in life. i don’t understand her position. and i’m not going to ask my sister to pay me back. she also suggested my mother pitch in to pay us back. when i told her that was stupid, since it wasn’t my moms wedding. and she only asked for my sister. she said i’m a, “mommas boy, who needs to get his priorities straight”. seems harsh. but whatever. still not making anyone pay me back. people said to mention that we paid off her parents mortgage, and that she’s a stay at home spouse. idc that she stays home though. she doesn’t need to work. i specifically said: “is it okay if i pay for my sisters wedding”. those were the exact words i used. my wife’s brother is inheriting the house. not her. my wife is not a gold digger. we’ve been together since we were 15. she was with me when we were homeless, when i was a thousand miles away serving in the army, when i had no income, when i had a mental breakdown, she’s been with me at my lowest point. and we’re stuck with each other. so i’ll have to pass on the “divorce her” comments [/INST] yta for spending $51,000 on a damn wedding </s>
AITA for telling my STB ex-husband he will not be allowed in the birthing room?	i(30f) am 30 weeks pregnant with mine and my stb ex husband's(31m) daughter. she will be my first child but it turns out she won't be his first child. he's been carrying on an affair that started several years ago during my residency in internal medicine and cardiology. his excuse was i was working long hours and not emotionally available so i "drove" him to it. i found out about the affair because the woman with their child came to our home 2 months ago demanding i release him from our financially abusive and loveless marriage. i guess you could say i ambushed him because i called him and told him he needed to come home. when he did and he saw her i knew based upon his reaction he had been cheating. so i kicked him and all his stuff out of the house. in my book, i granted his wish. he has asked for another shot that we go to marriage counseling but he has had years to come clean and didn't so i am unwilling to attempt reconciliation. he's been calling and leaving messages at home, my cellphone, as well as the hospital where i work asking if he could be with me when i go into labor. i've told him in no uncertain terms will he be allowed in or anywhere near my birthing room. i want people in there that i trust and he isn't it. he's been guilt-tripping me though saying he has a right to see his child be born. that his fuck up is separate from our daughter, and it is but i don't want the added stress of him being present. his family and he all think i'm the ah and already alienating him from his child. my family and most friends support me, however, there are a few who think i'm being an ah here. maybe i am because of the hurt he has caused me. tl:dr found out stb ex-husband has been cheating for years and i've banned him from the birthing room.	18,086	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcddkb/aita_for_telling_my_stb_exhusband_he_will_not_be/	2020-03-02 15:08:18	nta. hard pass. it's not even sanitary to have that much bullshit in a birthing room.	he doesn't get to play the 'poor me' victim card after carrying on a secret affair and having kids elsewhere. your comfort and security come before his. period. the added stress is not healthy for the baby or you, especially during labor. this isn't a revenge issue, this is a security ans safety issue. you, at your most vulnerable, do not need to be near someone you just found out obliterated your trust. you deserve peace during such a critical health and emotional moment. anyone that doesn't see that can get gray-rocked as to when you even go into labor. f\* them. after you give birth and feel okay, then they can be told your lo is born. nta in any way shape or form. his entitled self and family can wait until you are good and ready to be up to visitors. he gets no say.	nta - he has the right to be involved in the child's life, but there is no such thing as a right to witness the birth.	nta birthing is involved in emotions, privacy, and comfort. so, you have the right to decide who is allowed in your birthing room. your stb ex doesn't have to see the baby being born. there's a difference between seeing his baby and watching his baby being born. anyone on your stb ex's side are ta as well.	nta- he has the right to see his kid and have a relationship with her. he does not have the right to watch a human being exit your body. he can post up in the waiting room, and see the kid once she's out and you're ready for visitors. he lost birthing room privileges with you when he started banging his mistress.	nta. this is a medical procedure. your medical procedure. it’s also a huge life event for both of you, but his desire to be present for a huge life event doesn’t trump your right to handle your medical procedure in whatever way you feel comfortable with. he’s allowed to be bummed, but he needs to lean on his support network to get through it, and that no longer includes you. do not let him or anyone else tell you you’re alienating him from the baby. if he makes a huge deal about this and causes a rift, that’s on him.	nta. not to mention if the delivery takes too long he might feel emotionally abandoned and go have another affair. edit : oh wow my first awards! this is a lovely thing to wake up to. thank you kind strangers!	nta giving birth is such an emotional experience. i can’t imagine going through it with someone who has betrayed you so thoroughly. you’re right, you need to be surrounded by people who genuinely care for you. you aren’t robbing him of anything. he shot himself in the foot here. btw, was he at the birth of his first child? his family that are supporting him may not know all the ugly details of his betrayal. maybe arrange for someone to notify him after the baby has been born so he can come to the hospital and meet him/her?	nta, and make sure your ob is aware and that you are tested for any potential stis. sorry this is happening to you. having gone through labour & delivery, you need supportive people by your side. having him there is a stressor and could stall/cause complications. he’s a selfish prick for demanding anything related to your medical event. go one step farther and inform the hospital that he’s not allowed anywhere near you. register private.	nta - if he could wait years before telling you about his affair, he can wait a few days or hours before seeing his daughter. you are perfectly within your rights to pick and choose who is in the birthing room.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(30f) am 30 weeks pregnant with mine and my stb ex husband's(31m) daughter. she will be my first child but it turns out she won't be his first child. he's been carrying on an affair that started several years ago during my residency in internal medicine and cardiology. his excuse was i was working long hours and not emotionally available so i "drove" him to it. i found out about the affair because the woman with their child came to our home 2 months ago demanding i release him from our financially abusive and loveless marriage. i guess you could say i ambushed him because i called him and told him he needed to come home. when he did and he saw her i knew based upon his reaction he had been cheating. so i kicked him and all his stuff out of the house. in my book, i granted his wish. he has asked for another shot that we go to marriage counseling but he has had years to come clean and didn't so i am unwilling to attempt reconciliation. he's been calling and leaving messages at home, my cellphone, as well as the hospital where i work asking if he could be with me when i go into labor. i've told him in no uncertain terms will he be allowed in or anywhere near my birthing room. i want people in there that i trust and he isn't it. he's been guilt-tripping me though saying he has a right to see his child be born. that his fuck up is separate from our daughter, and it is but i don't want the added stress of him being present. his family and he all think i'm the ah and already alienating him from his child. my family and most friends support me, however, there are a few who think i'm being an ah here. maybe i am because of the hurt he has caused me. tl:dr found out stb ex-husband has been cheating for years and i've banned him from the birthing room.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i(30f) am 30 weeks pregnant with mine and my stb ex husband's(31m) daughter. she will be my first child but it turns out she won't be his first child. he's been carrying on an affair that started several years ago during my residency in internal medicine and cardiology. his excuse was i was working long hours and not emotionally available so i "drove" him to it. i found out about the affair because the woman with their child came to our home 2 months ago demanding i release him from our financially abusive and loveless marriage. i guess you could say i ambushed him because i called him and told him he needed to come home. when he did and he saw her i knew based upon his reaction he had been cheating. so i kicked him and all his stuff out of the house. in my book, i granted his wish. he has asked for another shot that we go to marriage counseling but he has had years to come clean and didn't so i am unwilling to attempt reconciliation. he's been calling and leaving messages at home, my cellphone, as well as the hospital where i work asking if he could be with me when i go into labor. i've told him in no uncertain terms will he be allowed in or anywhere near my birthing room. i want people in there that i trust and he isn't it. he's been guilt-tripping me though saying he has a right to see his child be born. that his fuck up is separate from our daughter, and it is but i don't want the added stress of him being present. his family and he all think i'm the ah and already alienating him from his child. my family and most friends support me, however, there are a few who think i'm being an ah here. maybe i am because of the hurt he has caused me. tl:dr found out stb ex-husband has been cheating for years and i've banned him from the birthing room. [/INST] nta. hard pass. it's not even sanitary to have that much bullshit in a birthing room. </s>
AITA for siding with my husband when my brother kicked him out of the engagement party?	it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me. so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around. connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did. at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him. we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him. aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them.	14,020	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/svfyk6/aita_for_siding_with_my_husband_when_my_brother/	2022-02-18 11:43:10	yta. you and your husband are assholes. huge assholes. i don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. the slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband. what could rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? die waiting. ps your husband screwed rachel.	yta. so because your husband told you that a 30 something woman had "fun" in college, you automatically thinks she sleeps around and is cheating on your brother ? you don't even know that girl. all you know is what your - judgy - husband told you about her. i'm curious. since she made her way through everybody in college, does that mean that your husband slept with her as well ? because he does sound a bit jealous of your brother... i wouldn't be surprised if you're not invited to the wedding or have any contact with your brother ever again.	i'm not being funny; your husband slut shammed his best friend's fiancée at her engagement party?! how you would think that is acceptable is mind-blowing! have some class! yta! she deserves a massive apology!	yta. what your husband did was horrible and gross. what she did in college is no one’s business and should never be brought up. but at her engagement party? your husband is garbage. and you are too for taking his side. you should absolutely apologize to your brother and his fiancée. but i wouldn’t forgive either of you if i were them. you and your husband need to grow up and learn how to be respectful of others.	your husband called a woman a "hoe" at her engagement party and that's a-ok with you? the only person who is a bigger ah than you is your husband. yta. big time.	yta and so it your husband. why is anyone’s sexual history your business??????	esh- well not everyone, just you and your husband. him for slut shaming, you for saying "well he has a point". also it sounds like your husband is jealous. >connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. except him right?	yes, you and your husband are ta. your brother’s reaction was 100% called for.	i mean yta and so is your husband, who cares if she slept around at college, as long as she’s not doing it now. your husband asked your brother is he was sure and your brother asked him to not talk about it, your husband then continued to, if anything, if your brother hasn’t kicked you both out, that would be worse. you both need to apologise to him and his fiancé	yta, what friend says that about his bfs fiance? no matter her past she deserves respect! is that the kind of man you married and would defend? you should feel bad. slut shaming a woman at her engagement party! good on your brother for standing up for his future wife. he will be a good husband for sure. definitely op, you and your husband are the ah.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	null	YTA	YTA	0.000485	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me. so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around. connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did. at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him. we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him. aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> it's a messed up conflict between my brother and my husband and by extension me. so, my (f30) brother "jacob, m33" and my husband "connor, m32" have been friends since college. i met connor through jacob. they were so close and are always in agreement but that changed once jacob's fiancee "rachel" came around. connor told me that rachel used to be this "fun" girl that slept with nearly everyone in the group. jacob met her at the new company and they began officially dating. i too was shocked when i heard cause connor told me about her a lot about her "glorious college days". jacob then announced his engagement to rachel and invited us for the engagement party. connor had talks with jacob about if he was sure he wanted to settle down with her and jacob told him to drop it and connor did. at the party, i was sitting next to connor talking about random stuff. suddenly rachel's phone started ringing and she excused herself to answer. while she was getting up, connor looked at her and jacob and smirked and said "i'm telling ya, you can't make a hoe a housewife!". rachel stormed off and jacob unloaded on connor calling him an obnoxious asshole, connor just stared as jacob kept insulting him with name calling. i didn't want to get involved til jacob tried to kick connor out of the party. i said to jacob that he overreacted and should calm down but he acted appaulled that i "defended" connor but i told him that he at least wasn't lying. jacob then proceeded to kick me out as well. mom got involved and tried to calm us down but connor grabbed his keys and phone and told me to follow him. we felt terrible, connor started crying in the car and i called mom and said while jacob overreacted, connor was out of line to say this infront of rachel and make her cry on her engagement party amd i shouldn't have sided with him. she told me to reach out to jacob to apologize but i said that he insulted my husband who happens to be his best friend, then escalated by kicking him out. i refused to call jacob and felt upset for being made feel bad for siding with my husband who's hurt because of what his best friend did to him. aita? i really thought it was an inside joke between them. [/INST] yta. you and your husband are assholes. huge assholes. i don’t know why it’s so important for your brother to marry a virgin, but it’s none of your business. the slut shaming is over the top with you and your husband. what could rachel do now to make herself acceptable to you? confess all her lays and cry and say how much she regretted it? die waiting. ps your husband screwed rachel. </s>
AITA for rejecting the role of "cool aunt" because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?	my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought she wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has ever made it a point to spend time with me doing something i'd enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. **	25,717	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i62p53/aita_for_rejecting_the_role_of_cool_aunt_because/	2020-08-08 17:10:13	nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy. you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours” not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves [edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :)	nta- and your family is pretty toxic. also what your mom said is pretty manipulative. she’s gonna blame you for her lack of being a decent parent? yeah no. you don’t owe anyone free babysitting. especially the way your sister talked to you	nta your sister never had any interest in you before and now she wants to take advantage of you. >she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, the answer to your mom is that if she had tried harder to appreciate the differences between her daughters, there would probably have been a different outcome. don't fight with these people. you're successful with like-minded people, leave them to their alternate universe.	nta. your sister does want an unpaid babysitter. my sister is the same way. she and your parents are gaslighting you into agreeing	nta your family is ridiculous. oh, you don't want to be a clone? well, no love for you then.	nta - i have kids and would much rather pay someone else to watch them while i spent time with my siblings than have my siblings watch them. she is obviously trying to use you in this situation. also, just because you have different interests from them doesn’t mean your interests are any less valid than theirs. you’re allowed to love the things you love. i’m sorry your family has been so uncaring and selfish. by the way, you could always use malicious compliance and induct her kids into all things fashion. that would be hilarious.	nta if your sister wanted you to be the “cool aunt” she would’ve said, “i’d love for you and the kids to bond and spend time together” not “if love for you to take the kids so i don’t have to have them”. that’s babysitting. and i bet she wouldn’t have paid for the activities. your parents play favorites, and gaslight you. where does it say that to have a meaningful relationship with your child, they have to like what you like? when it’s as easy as saying “hey we want to dress as these characters, would you like to help us make the costumes?” or “can you show me how to sew?” i don’t begrudge your response because you went with good intentions, but your sister had expectations for herself.	i was on the fence until i read >she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. definitely nta. they’re getting mad at you for not being like them. they’re calling you vain for liking fashion. they’re not hanging out with you and not taking your side just because you have different interests. that’s unfair.	nta. my brother totally stopped even responding to my texts and calls inviting him to get coffee or lunch once he realized i like his kids and will hang with them as a “babysitter” when needed. five solid years of only hearing from my brother when he needed a babysitter and him ducking out to sleep or play video games during family trips for the last decade if it looked at all like i could see his son made me realize he has no respect for me. being the cool auntie is super fun, but feeling rejected by your family because they can’t be bothered to get to know the “different” sibling really stings. it’s good you can see the situation for what it is and express your boundaries clearly. congratulations on your fit education! fashion and apparel design are not easy and require both talent and dedication. your sister needs to read a different book.	[deleted]	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought she wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has ever made it a point to spend time with me doing something i'd enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. **	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my sister and i have always been very different. growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. she bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. i always felt kind of "different" from the others because i'm not very "geeky" and while i did my best to fit in (star wars movies, harry potter, etc), i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design. i always loved making my own clothes. to frame it one way... i made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. well, sis had kids a while back. i sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. sis received them warmly, but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is "harry potter" themed. due to covid, i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo i'd been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). once sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. i was thrilled because i thought she wanted to spend more time with me. except the plans were like... i take the kids to the zoo, i take them to the park, i take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. i inquired about when she and i would spend time together, and she actually said "it's not like we have anything in common we can do together." i was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. she asked me why, and didn't i want to be the cool aunt, and this is where i think i'm the asshole. i said "i don't know, it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together. sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter." she was shocked and went stomping to mom and dad, who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids. i said why, it's not like anyone in the family has ever made it a point to spend time with me doing something i'd enjoy. she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of "chasing popularity and doing my nails" maybe i would have more in common with them. i'm lost now, because on the one hand, i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. but maybe my mom is right and i've been a shitty member of the family because i couldn't just get into star wars and all that. ** [/INST] nta - never the arsehole. your sister is an entitled brat and your parents clearly play favourites. just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a geek doesn’t stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy. you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “we didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours” not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves [edit] - thank you for the awards kind strangers :) </s>
AITA for choosing my niece over my daughter?	i have a daughter(wendy14) and a niece(claire15) claire lost both her parents when she was very little and ive been raising her eversince. wendy and her mom live far away and she has custody so i only see her once a month so i have a closer relationship with claire and we have a lot more in common ,but i love them both equally. a while ago i got a bonus at work and i decided to go on a trip but i couldnt afford to take both girls and also the girls dont get along(which is mostly claires fault i admit) so no one would have fun if i took them both so i had to pick one and since wendy can go with her mom if she wants i decided that its only fair if i take claire. so we went to the trip but eversince then wendy has stopped talking to me because she thinks its not fair that i never take her anywhere and choose my niece over her but ive raised claire and i consider her my daughter so i dont think i did anything wrong. my ex however is calling me an ah and says that i always favor claire but thats not true so aita?	11,478	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u229q8/aita_for_choosing_my_niece_over_my_daughter/	2022-04-12 15:51:48	yta if they're both under your care, you need to treat them as equally as possible. should have taken both or taken neither. or planned a comparable trip to take your daughter on separately.	yta. why did you have to take the trip? nobody was forcing you. you could have taken the trip alone or used the money to do something fun with both your girls. you have really let this relationship fester.	yta instead of going to a trip where you can only take one. find a trip where you can take both. info: what did claire do to wendy as well have you tried to mend their relationship.	yta, your daughter feels like you replaced her, and you kind of did. >so i had to pick one this line is the core of the issue, you did not have to pick one because you did not have to go camping. you made the choice to go that put you in a position to exclude your daughter. and that's all on you. if claire doesn't get along with your daughter then you need to talk to her about it, she's had a rough life but don't let her be the reason your daughter cuts contact with you.	here. i’m going to explain this from wendy’s perspective, as a kid that has been in wendy’s shoes. wendy does not care about the fact that you went on a trip with claire. she cares that you excluded her from the trip. she cares that you prioritized claire over her when you barely see her as it is. once a month is nothing. if wendy didn’t care to have a relationship with you, she wouldn’t have been upset by this. however, she does care and she does want a relationship with you and all she sees is you choosing claire over her again and again. all she sees is some child that isn’t yours (whether she’s your niece or not) be favorited while wendy, your biological daughter, is always an after thought. no matter how you view claire, wendy just sees her father choosing another kid that isn’t her. so, yes. yta. if you couldn’t take both, you should have saved the money until they could both go, planned a different trip where they could both go, or not gone at all. all you’re doing is hurting wendy, who you claim to love equally, but i guarantee she doesn’t see or feel that way at all. and just as a further thing, because of how my dad prioritized his step daughter over me, i maybe speak to him once every six months, if not longer, and it’s strictly through text. so, if that’s the relationship you want with wendy, then please, continue to choose and prioritize claire.	info: you love claire and consider her a daughter. okay so tell us how you really feel about your actual daughter?	yta if you can’t afford to take both don’t go at all. your obviously showing favoritism	even without the context that is sorely missing, yta and i’m going to assume claire has something your daughter doesn’t. or, rather, claire is the daughter you wish you’d had. there’s something here that you’re not telling us but even still, anyone who favors another child over their own without any logical reason is automatically an ah.	yta do you realise that your daughter gets to be with you, her father, only once a month and your niece has a father figure all through the year??? your daughter does not even have a peaceful time when she comes to live with you - do you even recognise the damage you are doing to your own daughter?? you punish c when she acts mean to your daughter obviously your punishment is not severe or enforced properly- because c continues to harass your daughter in a space where she should be safe. by being a weak parent you are causing immense emotional distress to your daughter. if you cannot treat your daughter as she deserves to be ( cared, loved and protected) best cut all relationships with her - because all you are doing is causing her trauma and your daughter definitely does not deserve trauma. every child deserves a parent that is fair to all his children not one. by taking one child on a trip you clearly chose the one you favour… you are a cruel father you are just ensuring that after she turns 18 your daughter will cut contact with you totally.	omg yta. she's being raised by her mother? whose choice is that? this is beyond ah behavior. i'm speechless literally can not find the words to how awful this is and much my heart breaks for your daughter.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a daughter(wendy14) and a niece(claire15) claire lost both her parents when she was very little and ive been raising her eversince. wendy and her mom live far away and she has custody so i only see her once a month so i have a closer relationship with claire and we have a lot more in common ,but i love them both equally. a while ago i got a bonus at work and i decided to go on a trip but i couldnt afford to take both girls and also the girls dont get along(which is mostly claires fault i admit) so no one would have fun if i took them both so i had to pick one and since wendy can go with her mom if she wants i decided that its only fair if i take claire. so we went to the trip but eversince then wendy has stopped talking to me because she thinks its not fair that i never take her anywhere and choose my niece over her but ive raised claire and i consider her my daughter so i dont think i did anything wrong. my ex however is calling me an ah and says that i always favor claire but thats not true so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have a daughter(wendy14) and a niece(claire15) claire lost both her parents when she was very little and ive been raising her eversince. wendy and her mom live far away and she has custody so i only see her once a month so i have a closer relationship with claire and we have a lot more in common ,but i love them both equally. a while ago i got a bonus at work and i decided to go on a trip but i couldnt afford to take both girls and also the girls dont get along(which is mostly claires fault i admit) so no one would have fun if i took them both so i had to pick one and since wendy can go with her mom if she wants i decided that its only fair if i take claire. so we went to the trip but eversince then wendy has stopped talking to me because she thinks its not fair that i never take her anywhere and choose my niece over her but ive raised claire and i consider her my daughter so i dont think i did anything wrong. my ex however is calling me an ah and says that i always favor claire but thats not true so aita? [/INST] yta if they're both under your care, you need to treat them as equally as possible. should have taken both or taken neither. or planned a comparable trip to take your daughter on separately. </s>
AITA for telling my pregnant and disabled sister that she needs to move out before baby comes?	so i feel terrible and guilty but i also feel like i have no choice. looking for advice and unbiased judgment. i have a younger sister (26) who’s disabled. i won’t get into it but she’s unable to work a full time job and is on disability, which isn’t much. she’s been living with me for ~3 years. i pay for nearly everything including groceries but she chips in for utilities or takeout once in a while. last year she started dating a guy and got very serious very quickly. he’s underemployed with social anxiety and lives off of a little money his parents send him each month. he also moved in with us a few months back. i live in a larger house so didn’t mind 2 more people at the time. two weeks ago my sister told me she was pregnant. i was shocked. she said she’s around 1.5 months along and they’re excited to be parents. i didn’t know how to react and sat on it for a few days before approaching both of them and saying that i can’t have them raising a baby in my home. i basically support both of them at this stage, letting them use their own money (again, not much) for leisure things like movies or video games. i asked them how they plan on paying for a baby and they didn’t think it was a big deal. i imagine if the baby comes i’ll probably end up paying for all 3 of them. in the end i told both of them that they can stay with me until the baby comes, but i don’t want a baby in my home and the huge amount of responsibility that will probably fall to me. my sister cried and her bf accused me of being two faced, because they have nowhere else to go. i offered to help them pay rent for the first few months and budget for them but they’re resistant. my sister is now saying i’m essentially forcing them to give up their baby by kicking them out. i feel bad but i feel like if this keeps going i’ll be supporting an entire family on my own for who knows how long. aita?	20,240	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ftd115/aita_for_telling_my_pregnant_and_disabled_sister/	2020-04-02 01:20:02	nta. they're manipulating you straight up.	nta. they will get an additional ssi payment for the baby. and they qualify for subsidized housing, but they'll probably have to get on a list, so they should get on that.	nta but you need to revise the move-out date up a few months because if they are still there when the baby arrives you will have a much harder time forcing them to leave. she should be about 2 months along now; i would tell them they have until she is 6 months and then they can move on their own or you will start a formal eviction process. that gives them four months to figure something else out and also for the quarantine to lift. do not back down on this - they're only excited to be parents because they've never had to actually be responsible adults themselves; it isn't your burden to have to cater to two grown ass adults, esp when they're selfish enough to throw a baby on you that you don't want or need.	nta, doing a baby is their choice. younre not 2 faced, it's incredibly rude they didn't let you know they planned to have a baby. they're relying on your guilt and morality to stay there. that's what they planned. if they don't have enough for them, you're damn right you'll have to pay for that baby too, with a shit ton of guilttripping if you don't	nta nope nope nope. it's time you enjoy your home and money. they are being lazy and manipulative. i have extreme ocd, but i take my meds and go to work every day. i'm sorry but if he can't do that, he shouldn't be having a child. in fact, anyone who doesn't have a job or a place to live shouldn't become parents.	nta. also, make sure you document the terms and the expected move out date, because if you don't they could just stay and they have rights. documenting now is easier than eviction later. get it served officially if you can't get them to sign something.	i see how this is a difficult situation for you. but you’re nta. they are in no position to be raising a child and you’re probably right, you’ll end up supporting all 3 of them which isn’t fair or right. if they want to have a baby, they need to do it on their own two feet.	nta but make sure they're both gone well before the baby comes. if she gets put on bed rest, or has medical complications after the birth, you could be living with a baby for a long time.	nta your sister has zero business having kids in her current state. do not back down on this. she and the boyfriend are being absolutely and absurdly irresponsible and that kid is going to be in for a terrible time.	info does your sister have a social worker? there seems to be a big gap in what your sister thinks is achievable for her and what is out of bounds. why isn’t she on birth control?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i feel terrible and guilty but i also feel like i have no choice. looking for advice and unbiased judgment. i have a younger sister (26) who’s disabled. i won’t get into it but she’s unable to work a full time job and is on disability, which isn’t much. she’s been living with me for ~3 years. i pay for nearly everything including groceries but she chips in for utilities or takeout once in a while. last year she started dating a guy and got very serious very quickly. he’s underemployed with social anxiety and lives off of a little money his parents send him each month. he also moved in with us a few months back. i live in a larger house so didn’t mind 2 more people at the time. two weeks ago my sister told me she was pregnant. i was shocked. she said she’s around 1.5 months along and they’re excited to be parents. i didn’t know how to react and sat on it for a few days before approaching both of them and saying that i can’t have them raising a baby in my home. i basically support both of them at this stage, letting them use their own money (again, not much) for leisure things like movies or video games. i asked them how they plan on paying for a baby and they didn’t think it was a big deal. i imagine if the baby comes i’ll probably end up paying for all 3 of them. in the end i told both of them that they can stay with me until the baby comes, but i don’t want a baby in my home and the huge amount of responsibility that will probably fall to me. my sister cried and her bf accused me of being two faced, because they have nowhere else to go. i offered to help them pay rent for the first few months and budget for them but they’re resistant. my sister is now saying i’m essentially forcing them to give up their baby by kicking them out. i feel bad but i feel like if this keeps going i’ll be supporting an entire family on my own for who knows how long. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i feel terrible and guilty but i also feel like i have no choice. looking for advice and unbiased judgment. i have a younger sister (26) who’s disabled. i won’t get into it but she’s unable to work a full time job and is on disability, which isn’t much. she’s been living with me for ~3 years. i pay for nearly everything including groceries but she chips in for utilities or takeout once in a while. last year she started dating a guy and got very serious very quickly. he’s underemployed with social anxiety and lives off of a little money his parents send him each month. he also moved in with us a few months back. i live in a larger house so didn’t mind 2 more people at the time. two weeks ago my sister told me she was pregnant. i was shocked. she said she’s around 1.5 months along and they’re excited to be parents. i didn’t know how to react and sat on it for a few days before approaching both of them and saying that i can’t have them raising a baby in my home. i basically support both of them at this stage, letting them use their own money (again, not much) for leisure things like movies or video games. i asked them how they plan on paying for a baby and they didn’t think it was a big deal. i imagine if the baby comes i’ll probably end up paying for all 3 of them. in the end i told both of them that they can stay with me until the baby comes, but i don’t want a baby in my home and the huge amount of responsibility that will probably fall to me. my sister cried and her bf accused me of being two faced, because they have nowhere else to go. i offered to help them pay rent for the first few months and budget for them but they’re resistant. my sister is now saying i’m essentially forcing them to give up their baby by kicking them out. i feel bad but i feel like if this keeps going i’ll be supporting an entire family on my own for who knows how long. aita? [/INST] nta. they're manipulating you straight up. </s>
AITA for not driving my wife to her Doctor appointment after I got off work and telling her to reschedule?	tuesday, i was covering a nightshift and came home in the morning at exactly 10am. i was so exhausted and was about to go to bed when my wife told me she needed me to drive her to her doctor appointment. this is not what we agreed upon, as far as i knew she told me her mom was coming to pick her up but, she said her mom called and said she couldn't come. i told her i just got off work and wouldn't be driving her to the clininc and also told her to reschedule. she argued that she couldn't reschedule because she has been feeling pain in her lower belly (she's 4 months pregnant) and needed to see the doctor. i told her she should've told me beforehand, otherwise i would've just skipped the nightshift altogether. she insisted and i told her to either find her own ride or reschedule cause i was too tired to get behind the wheel. she was upset but ended up rescheduling and going 2 days later. when she came back from the appointment she started yelling names at me like irresponsible and selfish. i asked what was wrong and she said that the doctor told her her pain needed early intervention and that she could've had a miscarriage after i refused to drive her to the clininc. i was shocked to know that but she insisted that i apparently don't give a shit about her or the baby to be acting so carelessly and neglectful. i told her she should've told me that her mom couldn't drive her that day but she blamed me solely saying this is all on me and i'm treating her as 2nd class citizen. i had it i said yes she's pregnant but she isn't disabled and can use public transportation, not have me driving after working all night. she didn't like none of what i said and couldn't reply just left the room. she's still pissed at me acting like this is all happening because of me amd refusing to accept that part of the blame falls on her. she keeps saying she could've lost the pregnancy and i'm responsible for this.	9,029	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swmo2k/aita_for_not_driving_my_wife_to_her_doctor/	2022-02-19 23:14:51	yta simply because your attitude towards your pregnant wife, who’s carrying your child and experiencing enough pain to be legitimately scared something is wrong, is disgusting. if you didn’t feel safe to drive you could’ve at least helped her secure another ride and made sure she made it safely. an ounce of empathy would’ve gone a long way…hopefully you’re never scared and in pain with someone who’s supposed to care for you brushing you off.	do you think when you have this child you won't have to do things after getting off a long night shift or having next to no sleep? cause boy are you in for a surprise. &#x200b; yta, your child's medical needs are both your responsibility.	yta. not because you didn’t drive. people are right when they are pointing out that if you were really too tired to get behind the wheel, it is responsible not to drive. however. no, you can’t reschedule a doctor visit when you are pregnant and having pain. she needed to go now. it wasn’t possible to hire a cab? you mention she could have taken public transportation—you couldn’t have taken the bus with her?	esh. the reason you shouldn't drive is that it was unsafe to drive tired and it risks both your lives as well as your unborn child. not because it's inconvenient. complaining that she didn't tell you ahead of time was ridiculous and petty in light of her symptoms given the medical concern, she shouldn't have rescheduled, she should have taken a cab. she's an adult, and even though you were difficult, she should have simply ignored you, not blamed you for the fact that she went along with your awful suggestion	yta- it really sounds like her mom cancelled on her and she really needed a ride. it’s hard to find a bus schedule and be on time when you’ve already made the appointment you don’t seem to have any sympathy for your pregnant wife which is concerning	info: i’m really confused on this one, i haven’t been pregnant in 18 years, but hear me out here……i had lower belly pain around 4 months and when i called they sent me straight to the er. they did not schedule an appointment for the next day that i could schedule my mom to take me to. even at late stage healthy pregnancy they got me into the office immediately if i had a weird pain. i’m going to get downvoted but it feels like wife came home and really played up the worst case scenario here.	info: this feels like a mess. if she thought she could lose the baby shouldn't she go to the hospital? when was this appointment scheduled? as the father shouldn't you be going to at least some of the appointments?	info: why couldn’t she drive herself?	yta. seriously. you buried the lead there with pregnant wife needed to go to the doctor with abdominal pain... good grief.	nah you didn't drive because you were worried about falling asleep behind the wheel and causing an accident. that isn't unreasonable. the appointment was absolutely important, but if you get your wife killed trying to get to it it becomes irrelevant. that said, trying to say "it's your fault too" doesn't help anything. there is no situation in which trying to pass the blame back onto her will help you with this argument, so stop trying. your wife is upset because it was a serious concern and she feels you didn't prioritize it. that's not unreasonable either. from her perspective, you prioritized having a nap over the wellbeing of your wife and child. there are also a lot of hormones at work when a woman is pregnant that can exacerbate the situation (not saying it did, but it can). add to this the fact that when confronted with the seriousness of the situation your response was "it's your fault too" and she has good reason to be upset. you are trying to avoid blame rather than addressing the issue, which is just making it worse. best advice is to wait a bit so everyone is calmed down them discuss what happened. reassure her that she is important, and the baby is important, but that you were so tired you were afraid you'd cause an accident. as long as that is the honest truth, and you didn't tell her you were too tired to drive then did other stuff for hours you have a valid reason. if you sat around and had a few beer after telling her you were too tired to safely drive, it gets harder to defend and changes the dynamics of the situation.	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	INFO	INFO	INFO	YTA	NAH	0.136931	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tuesday, i was covering a nightshift and came home in the morning at exactly 10am. i was so exhausted and was about to go to bed when my wife told me she needed me to drive her to her doctor appointment. this is not what we agreed upon, as far as i knew she told me her mom was coming to pick her up but, she said her mom called and said she couldn't come. i told her i just got off work and wouldn't be driving her to the clininc and also told her to reschedule. she argued that she couldn't reschedule because she has been feeling pain in her lower belly (she's 4 months pregnant) and needed to see the doctor. i told her she should've told me beforehand, otherwise i would've just skipped the nightshift altogether. she insisted and i told her to either find her own ride or reschedule cause i was too tired to get behind the wheel. she was upset but ended up rescheduling and going 2 days later. when she came back from the appointment she started yelling names at me like irresponsible and selfish. i asked what was wrong and she said that the doctor told her her pain needed early intervention and that she could've had a miscarriage after i refused to drive her to the clininc. i was shocked to know that but she insisted that i apparently don't give a shit about her or the baby to be acting so carelessly and neglectful. i told her she should've told me that her mom couldn't drive her that day but she blamed me solely saying this is all on me and i'm treating her as 2nd class citizen. i had it i said yes she's pregnant but she isn't disabled and can use public transportation, not have me driving after working all night. she didn't like none of what i said and couldn't reply just left the room. she's still pissed at me acting like this is all happening because of me amd refusing to accept that part of the blame falls on her. she keeps saying she could've lost the pregnancy and i'm responsible for this.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> tuesday, i was covering a nightshift and came home in the morning at exactly 10am. i was so exhausted and was about to go to bed when my wife told me she needed me to drive her to her doctor appointment. this is not what we agreed upon, as far as i knew she told me her mom was coming to pick her up but, she said her mom called and said she couldn't come. i told her i just got off work and wouldn't be driving her to the clininc and also told her to reschedule. she argued that she couldn't reschedule because she has been feeling pain in her lower belly (she's 4 months pregnant) and needed to see the doctor. i told her she should've told me beforehand, otherwise i would've just skipped the nightshift altogether. she insisted and i told her to either find her own ride or reschedule cause i was too tired to get behind the wheel. she was upset but ended up rescheduling and going 2 days later. when she came back from the appointment she started yelling names at me like irresponsible and selfish. i asked what was wrong and she said that the doctor told her her pain needed early intervention and that she could've had a miscarriage after i refused to drive her to the clininc. i was shocked to know that but she insisted that i apparently don't give a shit about her or the baby to be acting so carelessly and neglectful. i told her she should've told me that her mom couldn't drive her that day but she blamed me solely saying this is all on me and i'm treating her as 2nd class citizen. i had it i said yes she's pregnant but she isn't disabled and can use public transportation, not have me driving after working all night. she didn't like none of what i said and couldn't reply just left the room. she's still pissed at me acting like this is all happening because of me amd refusing to accept that part of the blame falls on her. she keeps saying she could've lost the pregnancy and i'm responsible for this. [/INST] yta simply because your attitude towards your pregnant wife, who’s carrying your child and experiencing enough pain to be legitimately scared something is wrong, is disgusting. if you didn’t feel safe to drive you could’ve at least helped her secure another ride and made sure she made it safely. an ounce of empathy would’ve gone a long way…hopefully you’re never scared and in pain with someone who’s supposed to care for you brushing you off. </s>
AITA for talking about things from the south when I moved to California that resulted in several coworkers calling me a racist and reporting to HR?	throwaway here, i'll make this quick. me: 24m raised for most of my life in the southern us, politically middle of the road, probably lean a little left, half white, half egyptian so light skinned (relevant later) think rami malek. i moved from the southern us to cali about 6 months ago, i have a pretty noticeable southern accent, i started work in my field (office job) when i got there. i moved for 2 reasons, job and i wanted to get away from the super conservative area i lived in. office is pretty large and pretty diverse as far as racially. now onto the story. &#x200b; coworkers and i were discussing camping, was a fun talk until mosquitos were brought up, one coworker said something to the effect of "i always get bit and itch for days, they are the worst". i then said "mosquitos are easy! we have chiggers and they are a million times worse if you get a bunch of them! (tiny bug makes you itch for days to weeks, its awful, they are all over the south). we finished the conversation and everyone went back to work. &#x200b; next day i was pulled into hr with several of my coworkers to try and mediate an "issue". one black and one white coworker that were a part of the camping talk had reported me for being racist, they say any word near the n word is racist, and because i'm white i can't use that term as its so close. chiggers are what everyone calls them. i told my side of the story and also informed them i was half egyptian (which i phrased as i was born in africa to a white mom and egyptian dad) which is relevant in a minute, here's where i may have been the asshole. &#x200b; hr basically said doesn't look like a problem (after googling the chiggers) and is a misunderstanding. i asked my coworkers if we couldn't throw the race card around and just because i'm light skinned and have a southern accent doesn't mean i'm a racist. they both basically started apologizing like crazy saying they didn't know, etc etc. basically i pulled the race card asking them not to but i feel mine was justified? what do yall think?	19,017	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lcoz8u/aita_for_talking_about_things_from_the_south_when/	2021-02-04 20:17:48	nta i've never lived south of the mason dixon line and "chiggers" are still a term i'm well familiar with.	nta. who the hell hasn't heard of chiggers? i was born and raised in ca, lived there until after college. there's mountains, and hiking and sure as hell there are chiggers. not to the extent that there are in the south, but they are there. &#x200b;	so instead of asking what “chiggers” are they assumed you were saying something close to the n word? while you guys were talking about insects? wth?? nta	nta. i learned a new word today. but i definitely didn’t assume that it was a racist term. reporting you to hr before thinking of googling it definitely makes them ta.	they are guilty of race-assumption and being ignorant about insect life. (chiggers are awful. \shudder\) by their logic, you also can't try to teach someone how to make a mixed drink if one of the measurements is a 'jigger' of gin. and if my sandwich is 'bigger' than yours, do i have to say 'larger' instead? this is ridiculous and makes me doubt their intelligence. nta. you made your point, eloquently.	nta. white people can't use any word that's close to the n word? so really any word that rhymes with it? that seems a little ridiculous. wait until they hear about jiggers.	there's an infamous story about a washington dc staffer who used the word niggardly in a meeting. he was forced to resign, even though the word means "stingy" and he was discussing the city's budget.	nta for sure dude. although your co-workers probably could have asked you to clarify what you had said, particularly if you used a term everyone used	nta bless your heart grew up in the south as well, now live in canada. i still slip into my southern jargon, y'all know what i mean	i grew up here in california. i learned what chiggers are in science class. they're just idiots. nta	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway here, i'll make this quick. me: 24m raised for most of my life in the southern us, politically middle of the road, probably lean a little left, half white, half egyptian so light skinned (relevant later) think rami malek. i moved from the southern us to cali about 6 months ago, i have a pretty noticeable southern accent, i started work in my field (office job) when i got there. i moved for 2 reasons, job and i wanted to get away from the super conservative area i lived in. office is pretty large and pretty diverse as far as racially. now onto the story. &#x200b; coworkers and i were discussing camping, was a fun talk until mosquitos were brought up, one coworker said something to the effect of "i always get bit and itch for days, they are the worst". i then said "mosquitos are easy! we have chiggers and they are a million times worse if you get a bunch of them! (tiny bug makes you itch for days to weeks, its awful, they are all over the south). we finished the conversation and everyone went back to work. &#x200b; next day i was pulled into hr with several of my coworkers to try and mediate an "issue". one black and one white coworker that were a part of the camping talk had reported me for being racist, they say any word near the n word is racist, and because i'm white i can't use that term as its so close. chiggers are what everyone calls them. i told my side of the story and also informed them i was half egyptian (which i phrased as i was born in africa to a white mom and egyptian dad) which is relevant in a minute, here's where i may have been the asshole. &#x200b; hr basically said doesn't look like a problem (after googling the chiggers) and is a misunderstanding. i asked my coworkers if we couldn't throw the race card around and just because i'm light skinned and have a southern accent doesn't mean i'm a racist. they both basically started apologizing like crazy saying they didn't know, etc etc. basically i pulled the race card asking them not to but i feel mine was justified? what do yall think?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway here, i'll make this quick. me: 24m raised for most of my life in the southern us, politically middle of the road, probably lean a little left, half white, half egyptian so light skinned (relevant later) think rami malek. i moved from the southern us to cali about 6 months ago, i have a pretty noticeable southern accent, i started work in my field (office job) when i got there. i moved for 2 reasons, job and i wanted to get away from the super conservative area i lived in. office is pretty large and pretty diverse as far as racially. now onto the story. &#x200b; coworkers and i were discussing camping, was a fun talk until mosquitos were brought up, one coworker said something to the effect of "i always get bit and itch for days, they are the worst". i then said "mosquitos are easy! we have chiggers and they are a million times worse if you get a bunch of them! (tiny bug makes you itch for days to weeks, its awful, they are all over the south). we finished the conversation and everyone went back to work. &#x200b; next day i was pulled into hr with several of my coworkers to try and mediate an "issue". one black and one white coworker that were a part of the camping talk had reported me for being racist, they say any word near the n word is racist, and because i'm white i can't use that term as its so close. chiggers are what everyone calls them. i told my side of the story and also informed them i was half egyptian (which i phrased as i was born in africa to a white mom and egyptian dad) which is relevant in a minute, here's where i may have been the asshole. &#x200b; hr basically said doesn't look like a problem (after googling the chiggers) and is a misunderstanding. i asked my coworkers if we couldn't throw the race card around and just because i'm light skinned and have a southern accent doesn't mean i'm a racist. they both basically started apologizing like crazy saying they didn't know, etc etc. basically i pulled the race card asking them not to but i feel mine was justified? what do yall think? [/INST] nta i've never lived south of the mason dixon line and "chiggers" are still a term i'm well familiar with. </s>
AITA for making my step sister seem "uneducated"?	hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right.	23,449	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mnnms8/aita_for_making_my_step_sister_seem_uneducated/	2021-04-09 18:34:54	nta. you didn't make her seem uneducated. you revealed that she's being racist by refusing to pronounce your name correctly.	nta. why hasn't your dad sat her down and phonetically taught her how to say your name? she either has a speech impediment (which would make you an ah) or it's intentional.	don't dish it out if you can't take it i'd say. have you spoken to your parents about how she treats you/says your name wrong all the time?	nta good for you standing up for yourself. sounds like more than a little closet racism going on here. are you comfortable and safe where you are? not to be an alarmist, but with the rise in violence towards folks of east asian persuasion here in the us, make sure you are safe, with people you trust and who care about you. sorry you are having to deal with this, americans can be quite anti-intellectual sometimes, this coming from a lifelong us citizen.	nta but your step sister and step mom sure are. i don't see your step mom getting furious about her making fun of your mispronunciation that resulted in everyone laughing at you, but you call her out for purposely mispronouncing your name, and she is mispronouncing it on purpose after seven years of being your step sister. you definitely weren't in the wrong here, in any shape or form op.	nta. the only thing making her seem uneducated is her lack of education. and that ain’t your fault	nta. at all. after 7 years, she's purposely not pronouncing your name correctly. mispronounce hers constantly and she'll get it right.	nta she is uneducated? she’s also racist as hell and a bully by the sounds of it, likely due to her mother never giving her any sense of manners or common decency. hopefully your father will stick up for you, but either way i suggest you ignore them.	nta, and how soon before you can teach the toddler to say your name so she can be the one shaming the rude step sister?	nta. your name is special and has meaning. it’s rude not to learn to pronounce it. assuming the name is jisoo, it’s not even difficult.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi. so, i (f21) am currently staying with my family on my dad's side. my step sister is 19. we never got along. i grew up in korea and have a korean name. i won't say it here but it's the same as a blackpink member, not too hard to pronounce specially after 7 years of being my step sister but she always gets it wrong to a point that it seems on purpose. the rest of the family gets it right, except for my little sister but she is 3 lol i speak 5 languages in total, my step brother speaks 3, my step sister never wanted to learn even thought she had the chance. anyway i am tired of her never getting my name right. we were in a small reunion yesterday (all safe) and she kept misspronouncing it. at one point i misspronounced a word and my sister made fun of it in front of everyone, making everyone laugh at me. i was tired, i wasn't feeling well and wanted to just go home. i told her that i was sorry about misspronouncing a word in one of the 5 languages i speak while she only speaks english and can't ever get a korean name right. my step mom was furious and oh god if there was trouble when i got home. everyone is mad at me for making my step sis seem uneducated in public. am i the asshole? edit to add: she has no speech impediment, i gave her the option of going by my initial and her mom, the woman that almost let me die when i was 15 gets my name right. [/INST] nta. you didn't make her seem uneducated. you revealed that she's being racist by refusing to pronounce your name correctly. </s>
AITA for not letting the kids go alone to see their dad in his homecountry?	apologies, english isn't my first language. i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before. ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no.	8,281	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulqpsz/aita_for_not_letting_the_kids_go_alone_to_see/	2022-05-09 13:01:12	yta. they're 18, not 5. kids travel cross countries all the time at much younger ages. you're being horribly selfish to a dying man.	yta they are 19 and 18? they are technically adults. why would you prevent them from seeing their dying father? &#x200b; info: what country is this? is their trafficking concerns?	[deleted]	yta. 10000% yta. your kids are legal adults and don't actually need you permission to do anything. you're keeping them from their father because you are uncomfortable?? really? that's their dad, they want to see him and you're being selfish about it. you pu don't even have to pay for the trip. if their dad dies and they didn't get to have an actual goodbye because of you, then i hope they go low contact with you because you deserve that for depriving them of their other parent who obviously loves his kids and wants to see them in his last moments. imagine if it was you i'm his place and he refused to let you see your kids on what could possibly be your death bed. like get your head out if your rear.	> 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of wait, what? they're adults, don't they have custody of themselves? not your choice anymore. and it seems like their grandmother is willing to help them out (which i hope includes helping them find a place to stay while they're visiting). anyway, yta. and not your choice.	i was going to say n-t-a until i read their ages. at 18 and 19 they are adults and may go if they wish without your consent. if you prevent them from going you may well cause resentment that will last a lifetime. yta.	yta. your childrens father is dying and you are denying them a chance to say goodbye. they are adults, let them do what they like.	yta. i honestly thought there’d be some redeeming nugget but as i read on, my mind was blown. their father may die and they’re not even children. they’re adults.	yta. either make time or let them go. i would never forgive you if you prevented me from seeing my father before he died.	[deleted]	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: apologies, english isn't my first language. i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before. ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> apologies, english isn't my first language. i (39f) divorced my ex-husband (42m) 8 years ago. we have 2 kids together; 19m, 18f, that i had sole custody of after their dad became sick. he's been getting treated for his medical condition in his homecountry and recently i've been told his health is declining. my ex-mil called me asking if i could let the kids come visit their dad for few days. she said she would handle tickets and expenses. i was a bit taken aback by her request. i said i was sorry i wasn't feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. she told me she could book me a tick too but i said i was too busy to literally travel to another country. she asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, i suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them. she said his mental and emotional well being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health. i talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but i didn't feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother's assurance about taking care of the travel expenses. but the kids never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so i think it's a vali reason to be concerned, especially since they never been to this place before. ex-mil started berated me after i gave her my final answer. she told me that i should be prepared to take full responsibilty if the kids don't get to see their dad potentially one last time but i figured from her tone that she keeps coming with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go. the kids are upset over the fact that i'm seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why i said no. [/INST] yta. they're 18, not 5. kids travel cross countries all the time at much younger ages. you're being horribly selfish to a dying man. </s>
AITA? I cut somebody's water off as they were wasting it	30 years ago my grandfather dug a well. it supplies our home and has a pump to supply water to a mini water tower thing to give our homes water pressure. another person built a house nearby and there was an agreement for them to plumb into our fresh water supply for limited domestic use: cooking, cleaning, toilets etc. this agreement has stood for 10 years without any problems. so what's been going wrong? the house next door was sold. it's now starting to get hot. so the next door neighbour has been filling a swimming pool. i don't see a problem with this. what i do see a problem is they fill the pool and drain it every single day. based on my calculations they're wasting close to 400,000 litres of water every single day. when i told them they can't waste water like this. they told me to f* myself because the water is free and nobody owns it. so i gave them a warning showing that the water supply belonged to us and it wasn't free at all. i was told to f* off again. i watched as they filled their pool again and drained it again. i simply turned off their turned off the valve supplying their home which is on our land. they now have no water whatsoever as they tried to fill their pool again this morning. they're now complaining and whining about not having any water. i told them they can get a tanker to come and fill their pool and supply them. aita about this?	20,491	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gktkkv/aita_i_cut_somebodys_water_off_as_they_were/	2020-05-16 12:04:38	nta morally but you need legal advice.	nta. what the heck is the point of filling and emptying the pool? is this some pool maintenance strategy i’m not aware of?	nta. that is an absolutely ludicrous waste of water.	info is there a formal legal agreement? if so, consult a lawyer. even if not, it may be worth consulting a lawyer. they could ~~agree~~ argue that, if the property has been using that water source without issue for over a decade, they have a legal right to it. this will obviously vary by jurisdiction.	nta people take shit for granted when it's free to them. let them find their own source now	nta with your reasoning, but this could be super illegal. you can't just cut off people's water supply.	nta i'd be sending them my electric bill. the water may be "free" but the electricity to run the pump sure isn't.	nta. told to fuck off twice over a privilege you provided for them. sounds to me like folks who don't want said privilege. you simply acted accordingly.	i’m calling bullshit on filling and draining an entire swimming pool in one day.	nta. wasting that much water on a daily basis is insane.	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 30 years ago my grandfather dug a well. it supplies our home and has a pump to supply water to a mini water tower thing to give our homes water pressure. another person built a house nearby and there was an agreement for them to plumb into our fresh water supply for limited domestic use: cooking, cleaning, toilets etc. this agreement has stood for 10 years without any problems. so what's been going wrong? the house next door was sold. it's now starting to get hot. so the next door neighbour has been filling a swimming pool. i don't see a problem with this. what i do see a problem is they fill the pool and drain it every single day. based on my calculations they're wasting close to 400,000 litres of water every single day. when i told them they can't waste water like this. they told me to f* myself because the water is free and nobody owns it. so i gave them a warning showing that the water supply belonged to us and it wasn't free at all. i was told to f* off again. i watched as they filled their pool again and drained it again. i simply turned off their turned off the valve supplying their home which is on our land. they now have no water whatsoever as they tried to fill their pool again this morning. they're now complaining and whining about not having any water. i told them they can get a tanker to come and fill their pool and supply them. aita about this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> 30 years ago my grandfather dug a well. it supplies our home and has a pump to supply water to a mini water tower thing to give our homes water pressure. another person built a house nearby and there was an agreement for them to plumb into our fresh water supply for limited domestic use: cooking, cleaning, toilets etc. this agreement has stood for 10 years without any problems. so what's been going wrong? the house next door was sold. it's now starting to get hot. so the next door neighbour has been filling a swimming pool. i don't see a problem with this. what i do see a problem is they fill the pool and drain it every single day. based on my calculations they're wasting close to 400,000 litres of water every single day. when i told them they can't waste water like this. they told me to f* myself because the water is free and nobody owns it. so i gave them a warning showing that the water supply belonged to us and it wasn't free at all. i was told to f* off again. i watched as they filled their pool again and drained it again. i simply turned off their turned off the valve supplying their home which is on our land. they now have no water whatsoever as they tried to fill their pool again this morning. they're now complaining and whining about not having any water. i told them they can get a tanker to come and fill their pool and supply them. aita about this? [/INST] nta morally but you need legal advice. </s>
AITA for not letting my kids wear pyjamas around the house?	i am a dad (43) to three kids (15f, 10f, 8m). i love them more than anything and want to resolve this problem asap, as i hate fighting with them. i like to think that my wife and i have been good parents thus far. we are not extremely strict or "helicopter" parents. we do not limit screen time for my daughters, they all get a weekly allowance, and are asked to do very minimal chores (cleaning their shared bathroom, washing their dishes, etc). the kids have had no issues with the way our household runs until now. since my eldest was born, my wife and i have enforced a "no pyjama" policy around the house. we consider it the same as taking off your shoes when you come inside. pyjamas are worn for sleeping, in their bedrooms, at night. they aren't allowed to wear them down into shared spaces (living room, kitchen, etc), or during times of the day when they're up and active (essentially anytime they aren't sleeping). this is to keep everyone from feeling lazy or like they have nothing to do, and also keeps everyone looking presentable and clean. we have been enforcing this rule a bit more ever since they switched to online school, as we don't want them falling asleep or becoming distracted during/in between class. the only exception is "pyjama night" once a week, where we all wear pyjamas and play board games or watch a movie together. my wife and i follow the same rule for the sake of fairness. a few days ago, my eldest came down for breakfast in her pyjamas. i asked her to go back upstairs and change before joining us, and told her we would wait for her before we started eating. she refused, so i told her that she could either change out of her pyjamas or go back to bed, as pyjamas are for sleeping only. it ended in an argument between her, my wife, and i. she said the rule is unfair and ridiculous, and that we aren't allowed to control what she wears. she also claimed that she was uncomfortable in everything else because it was all "too formal" for breakfast. i told her i don't care what she changes into, so long as they aren't pyjamas. she could wear sweatpants if she'd like, but the expectation we set in our house is that pyjamas are for sleeping only. i also pointed out that we don't control what she wears out of the house (no pyjamas, obviously, and within reason as they are still young). she stormed off to her room and won't speak to me or my wife. i am wondering if i/we are the asshole in this situation, as we are (to some degree) "policing" what our children wear around the house. but i also feel that it isn't a huge demand to make, especially since my wife and i also follow it, and generally don't ask much else of the kids.	5,461	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kv7stv/aita_for_not_letting_my_kids_wear_pyjamas_around/	2021-01-11 17:48:59	yta it's a pandemic and she wants to eat breakfast in her pjs there is literally nothing wrong with that. how about next time instead of being a totalitarian parent you say "okay i understand but after breakfast you need to change" not everyone wants to get fully dressed the minute they wake up my god	info: how do pjs promote laziness and not looking presentable, but sweatpants don't? that's what makes your rule seem arbitrary. weird hill to die on during a pandemic.	gentle yta. i think this is a ridiculous rule, honestly, and that you’re being super controlling of your kids. i don’t think this makes you a horrible person or parent, but i think your kids have every right to question rules for which there’s little (and rather stupid) reasoning. if they were wearing pjs all day everyday? sure. but as a general rule? nah.	info: why aren't they wearing their tuxedos to breakfast? are you guys farmers?	yta and your "also" edit makes no sense. they can't wear pajamas around the house once they wake up, but if they've worn pajamas to bed it's okay if they change into clean pajamas and leave their rooms to hang out around the house? wtf kind of messed up logic is that?	yta (not a big one, but a weird one). pyjamas are for sleeping only, except on family pyjama night? and they can wear sweatpants? it’s confusing and highlights that the expectation is arbitrary, i.e. purely about control/aesthetics and nothing else. it’s pretty strange.	listen, dude. i'm 20, and i recall a similar rule my father had with my sister and i when we were growing up. as kids, we'd be in our pj's all morning, eating breakfast, doing chores and all that, since it was still the a.m., no one was going to see us in those except for our mom, who didn't particularly care so as long as we get cleaned up and get changed if we go out or if it's passed noon. our dad did not feel this way. he hates it when he sees us in pjs, claiming that all we've done is sleep in and be lazy, without hearing any word claiming otherwise. he'd work from the morning till 4pm, but sometimes in midmorning he'd stop by the house to pick something up, and we'd hear him coming. the second my sister and i heard that garage door coming up, we'd drop everything we were doing to change into some normal clothes. why? because after all those years of him enforcing this ubsurd rule, we were scared of him. we were tired of not being able to be comfortable in our own home, but we didn't want to deal with the lectures you seem to give your family just like he did to us. what's wrong with being comfortable in your own home? while this may be biased from my own personal experiences, yta here, most definitely. it's little things like this that give your kids an impression of being a controlling parent, forcing your ideals onto them for something as simple as just wearing pjs for breakfast.	i think yta. i see what you mean about not wearing pyjamas to virtual school, and i think it helps to maintain the structure. but not even letting them have breakfast in their pyjamas is a bit much i think. sometimes you’re just hungry and want to eat not shower and get ready first.	yta. you don't police screen time but care what they are wearing at breakfast? get a grip dude.	yta. this is ridiculous. do you police what they're allowed to wear to bed too? personally, i wear sweatpants to bed sometimes. would those then be changed from "day wear" to "pajamas" and no longer allowed to be worn in the day? she's 15 and eating breakfast. she doesn't need to have on an outfit appropriate for going out or having company.	YTA	INFO	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a dad (43) to three kids (15f, 10f, 8m). i love them more than anything and want to resolve this problem asap, as i hate fighting with them. i like to think that my wife and i have been good parents thus far. we are not extremely strict or "helicopter" parents. we do not limit screen time for my daughters, they all get a weekly allowance, and are asked to do very minimal chores (cleaning their shared bathroom, washing their dishes, etc). the kids have had no issues with the way our household runs until now. since my eldest was born, my wife and i have enforced a "no pyjama" policy around the house. we consider it the same as taking off your shoes when you come inside. pyjamas are worn for sleeping, in their bedrooms, at night. they aren't allowed to wear them down into shared spaces (living room, kitchen, etc), or during times of the day when they're up and active (essentially anytime they aren't sleeping). this is to keep everyone from feeling lazy or like they have nothing to do, and also keeps everyone looking presentable and clean. we have been enforcing this rule a bit more ever since they switched to online school, as we don't want them falling asleep or becoming distracted during/in between class. the only exception is "pyjama night" once a week, where we all wear pyjamas and play board games or watch a movie together. my wife and i follow the same rule for the sake of fairness. a few days ago, my eldest came down for breakfast in her pyjamas. i asked her to go back upstairs and change before joining us, and told her we would wait for her before we started eating. she refused, so i told her that she could either change out of her pyjamas or go back to bed, as pyjamas are for sleeping only. it ended in an argument between her, my wife, and i. she said the rule is unfair and ridiculous, and that we aren't allowed to control what she wears. she also claimed that she was uncomfortable in everything else because it was all "too formal" for breakfast. i told her i don't care what she changes into, so long as they aren't pyjamas. she could wear sweatpants if she'd like, but the expectation we set in our house is that pyjamas are for sleeping only. i also pointed out that we don't control what she wears out of the house (no pyjamas, obviously, and within reason as they are still young). she stormed off to her room and won't speak to me or my wife. i am wondering if i/we are the asshole in this situation, as we are (to some degree) "policing" what our children wear around the house. but i also feel that it isn't a huge demand to make, especially since my wife and i also follow it, and generally don't ask much else of the kids.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a dad (43) to three kids (15f, 10f, 8m). i love them more than anything and want to resolve this problem asap, as i hate fighting with them. i like to think that my wife and i have been good parents thus far. we are not extremely strict or "helicopter" parents. we do not limit screen time for my daughters, they all get a weekly allowance, and are asked to do very minimal chores (cleaning their shared bathroom, washing their dishes, etc). the kids have had no issues with the way our household runs until now. since my eldest was born, my wife and i have enforced a "no pyjama" policy around the house. we consider it the same as taking off your shoes when you come inside. pyjamas are worn for sleeping, in their bedrooms, at night. they aren't allowed to wear them down into shared spaces (living room, kitchen, etc), or during times of the day when they're up and active (essentially anytime they aren't sleeping). this is to keep everyone from feeling lazy or like they have nothing to do, and also keeps everyone looking presentable and clean. we have been enforcing this rule a bit more ever since they switched to online school, as we don't want them falling asleep or becoming distracted during/in between class. the only exception is "pyjama night" once a week, where we all wear pyjamas and play board games or watch a movie together. my wife and i follow the same rule for the sake of fairness. a few days ago, my eldest came down for breakfast in her pyjamas. i asked her to go back upstairs and change before joining us, and told her we would wait for her before we started eating. she refused, so i told her that she could either change out of her pyjamas or go back to bed, as pyjamas are for sleeping only. it ended in an argument between her, my wife, and i. she said the rule is unfair and ridiculous, and that we aren't allowed to control what she wears. she also claimed that she was uncomfortable in everything else because it was all "too formal" for breakfast. i told her i don't care what she changes into, so long as they aren't pyjamas. she could wear sweatpants if she'd like, but the expectation we set in our house is that pyjamas are for sleeping only. i also pointed out that we don't control what she wears out of the house (no pyjamas, obviously, and within reason as they are still young). she stormed off to her room and won't speak to me or my wife. i am wondering if i/we are the asshole in this situation, as we are (to some degree) "policing" what our children wear around the house. but i also feel that it isn't a huge demand to make, especially since my wife and i also follow it, and generally don't ask much else of the kids. [/INST] yta it's a pandemic and she wants to eat breakfast in her pjs there is literally nothing wrong with that. how about next time instead of being a totalitarian parent you say "okay i understand but after breakfast you need to change" not everyone wants to get fully dressed the minute they wake up my god </s>
AITA for asking my sister and BIL to pay to clean the urine in my truck?	i (24m) have a truck, and therefore am everyone’s first contact if they need to move anything. i typically have “reasons” to get out of it, but this time my sister (27f) needed help moving. she and her husband have my nephew (2) and are expecting twins next month, so bought a house about an hour away from their apartment, and they’re trying to get settled before the babies are born. i had plans but pushed them back so i could help them make 2 trips to the new house. my sister was packing things at the apartment and came with us on the second trip to the house. about 20 minutes away from the new house my sister said we needed to pull over so she could use the bathroom. i let her know how close we were so she could hold it for a little longer. her husband demanded i pull into the nearest gas station, but we were about to pass it anyway, so again i said she could hold it for a bit. well she released a full bladder of piss all over the back of my truck. she couldn’t get it all cleaned out when we got to the house, so i told her i’d want them to cover the rest of the cleanup. my bil lost it on me and said they wouldn’t pay for anything, since i wouldn’t pull over. my sister is a grown woman that i’ve known my whole life, she can hold it for 15 minutes. now i have a truck full of piss and half my family isn’t talking to me. aita for expecting an adult to be responsible for their own pee? tl;dr: my sister pissed in my truck because i wouldn’t pull over, now she and her husband won’t pay for my truck to be cleaned, which is what i would like to happen.	9,443	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9itnp/aita_for_asking_my_sister_and_bil_to_pay_to_clean/	2021-10-16 19:30:04	yta! yta yta yta. any grown adult knows that pregnant women (especially 8 months pregnant with twins) absolutely need to use the bathroom when they say they need to. wow … i’m absolutely shocked at your idiocy and disregard for your sister. and for the record, i’m usually really understanding on these aita posts but you have actually gotten me worked up over here. kudos.	yta source : 8 months pregnant. when i say "we need to stop somewhere" that means we need to stop somewhere. and she's got twins!! know that i'm laughing at you and your stinky urine truck.	dude, you are mansplaining pregnancy. yta.	yta. would it have killed you to pull over? pregnancy can cause frequent, urgent restroom trips. your sister has two almost-ready babies pressing on her bladder. sounds like she couldn't hold it. she's probably humiliated and upset. i doubt she wanted to pee all over herself and your vehicle.	yta. you were asked multiple times to pull over so she could use the bathroom, and you refused. you don’t know her body better than she does. and you clearly don’t know how being pregnant (especially with twins!) affects the body of a woman. i’d suggest you take this time to do some research, humble yourself, and apologize for humiliating your sister.	yta- she's 8 months pregnant! with twins! you physically cannot control your bladder, especially late in pregnancy! she could not help it. dude. you really should have just stopped.	she did ask you to pull over. pregnant women can't easily control their bladders. yta, especially for your ignorance and the way you spoke of her being "a grown adult who should be able to hold it in."	yta you told your 8 month pregnant with twins sister to hold it?! that's like 2 bowling balls resting on your bladder, when they say that they have to go they have to go right then not in 15 minutes. you should have stopped, you created the situation for this problem and now you can pay to clean it up.	yta obviously she could not hold it, precisely as she told you. anyone with even a passing familiarity with human pregnancy knows there is less space for the bladder along with a whole lot of hormone changes that also make bladder control iffier. it is extremely traumatic for people to be forced into wetting themselves…to the point it has been banned as part of psych experiments for longer than you’ve been alive. i hope you’re just trolling but if not you owe your sister a huge, giant, massive apology for forcing her to go through that. probably one involving a delivery service of meals for a month around her birth.	yta - even if she wasnt pregnant. if someone asks you to pull over because they have to go to the bathroom, then you pull over. i mean seriously, as you stated she is a a grown woman. so as a grown woman who knew just how far she had to go until she got to the new house, her grown woman self would also know if she could handle those 15 minutes or not. you cannot have it both ways.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24m) have a truck, and therefore am everyone’s first contact if they need to move anything. i typically have “reasons” to get out of it, but this time my sister (27f) needed help moving. she and her husband have my nephew (2) and are expecting twins next month, so bought a house about an hour away from their apartment, and they’re trying to get settled before the babies are born. i had plans but pushed them back so i could help them make 2 trips to the new house. my sister was packing things at the apartment and came with us on the second trip to the house. about 20 minutes away from the new house my sister said we needed to pull over so she could use the bathroom. i let her know how close we were so she could hold it for a little longer. her husband demanded i pull into the nearest gas station, but we were about to pass it anyway, so again i said she could hold it for a bit. well she released a full bladder of piss all over the back of my truck. she couldn’t get it all cleaned out when we got to the house, so i told her i’d want them to cover the rest of the cleanup. my bil lost it on me and said they wouldn’t pay for anything, since i wouldn’t pull over. my sister is a grown woman that i’ve known my whole life, she can hold it for 15 minutes. now i have a truck full of piss and half my family isn’t talking to me. aita for expecting an adult to be responsible for their own pee? tl;dr: my sister pissed in my truck because i wouldn’t pull over, now she and her husband won’t pay for my truck to be cleaned, which is what i would like to happen.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (24m) have a truck, and therefore am everyone’s first contact if they need to move anything. i typically have “reasons” to get out of it, but this time my sister (27f) needed help moving. she and her husband have my nephew (2) and are expecting twins next month, so bought a house about an hour away from their apartment, and they’re trying to get settled before the babies are born. i had plans but pushed them back so i could help them make 2 trips to the new house. my sister was packing things at the apartment and came with us on the second trip to the house. about 20 minutes away from the new house my sister said we needed to pull over so she could use the bathroom. i let her know how close we were so she could hold it for a little longer. her husband demanded i pull into the nearest gas station, but we were about to pass it anyway, so again i said she could hold it for a bit. well she released a full bladder of piss all over the back of my truck. she couldn’t get it all cleaned out when we got to the house, so i told her i’d want them to cover the rest of the cleanup. my bil lost it on me and said they wouldn’t pay for anything, since i wouldn’t pull over. my sister is a grown woman that i’ve known my whole life, she can hold it for 15 minutes. now i have a truck full of piss and half my family isn’t talking to me. aita for expecting an adult to be responsible for their own pee? tl;dr: my sister pissed in my truck because i wouldn’t pull over, now she and her husband won’t pay for my truck to be cleaned, which is what i would like to happen. [/INST] yta! yta yta yta. any grown adult knows that pregnant women (especially 8 months pregnant with twins) absolutely need to use the bathroom when they say they need to. wow … i’m absolutely shocked at your idiocy and disregard for your sister. and for the record, i’m usually really understanding on these aita posts but you have actually gotten me worked up over here. kudos. </s>
AITA for getting my daughter a better laptop than my son?	my son and daughter are both 17. i got both of them great laptops 4 years ago that should have lasted until now. my son broke his just a year after they were bought. i would’ve made him get one of the low quality laptops that their school issues, but my mom got him a new one. he broke that one too in just 2 years. after that, i made him get one from his school. a few days ago, that one broke. i paid the school for it and decided to get him a used laptop that will be enough for school but not too expensive. my daughter’s has worked fine until now. last week, my 7 year old spilled water on it and it doesn’t work anymore. i’m getting her a pretty expensive new laptop because she hasn’t broken any electronics before and it wasn’t her fault. my son saw that she’s getting a better laptop than him and he said that i’m being unfair. i told him that he’s destroyed 3 laptops in 4 years and money doesn’t grow on trees. he said that i’m picking favorites, and i love her more than him. i said that he can get a better one with his own money when he starts working. am i the asshole?	21,776	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1h95d/aita_for_getting_my_daughter_a_better_laptop_than/	2021-03-09 21:47:24	nta although your son is finding it harsh on him you're teaching him actions have consequences and in this case the consequence is he doesn't get new and expensive stuff like his sister who does take care of her things. maybe if its such an issue you can broker a deal with him e.g. if you keep the laptop in good condition for x amount of time he'll get a new one.	edit for judgement: nta, your son has proven himself to be reckless with expensive technology, seriously how do you even drop a laptop down the toilet?? i n f o: how did each of the laptops break?	nta - tell him you had a laptop budget for each of them and he's already spent all of his budget but she hasn't. he's got to learn a lesson about taking care of your belongings somehow - in the adult world if you break your laptop by being a dumbass, you have to pay for a new one yourself and you've got to save to buy the higher-quality brands, too. stay strong!	nta. you bought him more laptops than you bought her.	nta -- this is an important lesson for your son in caring for his items, but i think you could go a step further and make it a formalized rule. something like i will pay for a nice laptop once every five years, but if you break it within that window, you get the cheap replacement. laptops, phones, other expensive equipment should last more than a year. also, i'm guessing the total cost of all his replacement laptops is equal to or less than his sister's new laptop?	nta. add up the cost of the laptops that have had to been purchased because he broke the others so he can see how much has been spent on him.	info: did your son just break the laptops from carelessness? was he the only one in the family to use it? if the answers to the above are yes: nta. your daughter has proven she knows how to take care of her expensive necessary items and your son has not.	nta. time for a basic math lesson op. show your son the cost of his multiple laptops over the last four years. then tell him he can shut it, or he can get on a payment plan to help pay you back for all the other laptops...and when he pays up, you will happily purchase him an expensive one. as his very last parental-paid laptop ever.	teenagers are unreasonable little assholes. if you really want to drive the point home, sit him down and list out the total amount of $ that you/grandma has spent on buying him replacement laptops, that he broke, and show him how much bigger that number is, compared to the amount of $ you spent buying your daughter a new laptop. then tell him that if anything, you have been favouring him over your daughter for being willing to buy him replacement laptops in the first place. nta	i'm going to repeat my husband here "buy him a desktop and bolt it to his desk" at least then he cant drop it in the toilet???	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son and daughter are both 17. i got both of them great laptops 4 years ago that should have lasted until now. my son broke his just a year after they were bought. i would’ve made him get one of the low quality laptops that their school issues, but my mom got him a new one. he broke that one too in just 2 years. after that, i made him get one from his school. a few days ago, that one broke. i paid the school for it and decided to get him a used laptop that will be enough for school but not too expensive. my daughter’s has worked fine until now. last week, my 7 year old spilled water on it and it doesn’t work anymore. i’m getting her a pretty expensive new laptop because she hasn’t broken any electronics before and it wasn’t her fault. my son saw that she’s getting a better laptop than him and he said that i’m being unfair. i told him that he’s destroyed 3 laptops in 4 years and money doesn’t grow on trees. he said that i’m picking favorites, and i love her more than him. i said that he can get a better one with his own money when he starts working. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son and daughter are both 17. i got both of them great laptops 4 years ago that should have lasted until now. my son broke his just a year after they were bought. i would’ve made him get one of the low quality laptops that their school issues, but my mom got him a new one. he broke that one too in just 2 years. after that, i made him get one from his school. a few days ago, that one broke. i paid the school for it and decided to get him a used laptop that will be enough for school but not too expensive. my daughter’s has worked fine until now. last week, my 7 year old spilled water on it and it doesn’t work anymore. i’m getting her a pretty expensive new laptop because she hasn’t broken any electronics before and it wasn’t her fault. my son saw that she’s getting a better laptop than him and he said that i’m being unfair. i told him that he’s destroyed 3 laptops in 4 years and money doesn’t grow on trees. he said that i’m picking favorites, and i love her more than him. i said that he can get a better one with his own money when he starts working. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta although your son is finding it harsh on him you're teaching him actions have consequences and in this case the consequence is he doesn't get new and expensive stuff like his sister who does take care of her things. maybe if its such an issue you can broker a deal with him e.g. if you keep the laptop in good condition for x amount of time he'll get a new one. </s>
AITA for cutting my daughters hair?	throw away because i don’t want reddit to know that i’m mormon. some background information is relevant here. my first wife and i got married way too young. we both grew up mormon, but she soon started having doubts and left the religion. even though we were only married for two years we have a daughter together. she ended up leaving the church, i stayed. i have primary custody of my daughter. she only goes to my wife friday-sunday every other weekend. her mother is an artist, so she’s a lot less stable income wise, and lives in a studio apartment. i am remarried and have two other children with my current wife. daughter is 14 and beginning to be a bit rebellious. i get it. since she stays with us however, she is required to go to church, and she must look presentable. a while ago, when she went to stay with my ex she allowed her to get what is called a bar piercing in her ear. my daughter already has two lobe piercings in each ear. i don’t like it, but i chose to pick my battles and not say anything about it. after the bar piercing i told my ex that she had to consult me if she was going to alter my daughter’s appearance in any way from now on. i let her keep the bar piercing in her ear as long as she covers it with her hair while at church. lately my daughter has been wanting to dye her hair. i have told her that she’s not allowed to. she can color her hair when she is no longer under my roof. well this weekend she want to my ex’s, and guess what she comes back with? bright blue hair! the hair is not completely blue, a good four inches of it is blue at the bottom. i am pissed. i demand her mother to give me money to take her to a salon to dye it back to a natural color. we go to the salon, and they try to dye the hair back to a normal color but it comes out a mucky green color. i tell the stylist to cut it off, into a pixie style. my daughters hair is already short, a bit longer than chin length, and she has had short hair before. but now since her ears will be showing at church, the bar piercing needs to come out as well. my daughter is refusing to speak to me and is very upset, and my ex-wife is threatening to take me to court. i thought that i handled this appropriately but now i’m staring to doubt what i did. aita?	3,666	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dtg64m/aita_for_cutting_my_daughters_hair/	2019-11-08 14:28:56	yta. get ready for your daughter to never speak to you again, after 4 years when she's 18. she's old enough to decide things about her own appearance, and cutting her hair and forcing her to take piercings out is ridiculous, and borderline abusive.	yta - i was raised mormon, as a dude. as a teen, all i wanted was to grow out my hair and date a girl i was sweet on in middle school. my dad decided to shave my head, making me look like a naked mole rat, and forbid me seeing the girl. fast forward 15 years. i've been in a committed relationship with a scientist with pink hair and a septum piercing for four years. i have hair down to my shoulders, and work in a government research career field. i'm an atheist activist. and i never talk to my dad. the harder you try to squeeze your daughter, the more she'll slip through your fingers. you will alienate her, and the only thing you'll get from your religious zeal is a daughter who needs therapy in her 20s because she needs to resolve the fact that her father never accepted her for who she was, and who will never invite you to significant life events. the lds church preaches freedom of choice and freedom of consequences, how do i know? i was raised in your church. i also know that most mormon parents prohibit their children from choice to "protect" them from consequences. if you don't cut that shit out fast, you are going to face the consequence of losing your daughter. and she won't be a prodigal daughter returning to you. but i'm probably casting a pearl of great price before swine.	yta your daughter is 14, she is old enough to have a say in how she wants to look, you are being overbearing. and it isn't your ex altering your daughter's appearance, it's your ex being supportive of your daughter's desire to alter her own appearance.	i hope this is a shitpost but if not yta. big time. that is an excellent way to be denied all access to your child. in fact, i hope you do lose all access because you’re not fit to her father.	yta - how do you think forcing your religious values on your daughter is going to work out in the long run? you're making her live a certain way so she can be presentable two days a month for church? she's not a doll you bring with you to church. she's a human and you really suck.	yta. you didn't have any more right to cut your daughter's hair than your ex wife had to dye it, the only difference is that your ex actually listened to what your daughter wanted and you didn't. you are violating your daughters bodily autonomy by forcing her to cut her hair because you don't like her hairstyle, and your main concern isn't about your family but about what your friends at church will think! you are also violating her autonomy by forcing her to go to church when she doesn't believe in it. i was raised mormon and actually had a very similar experience in high school with my dad disapproving of my haircut due to concerns about what people at church would think, and i can tell you that your actions will almost definitely cause your daughter to hate organized religion and especially mormonism. i still hate mormonism even a decade after i stopped going because my parents forced me to go and the teachings caused long lasting trauma. "throw away because i don't want reddit to know that i am mormon". let me translate that, your faith is superficial and entirely based on fitting in to your community. stop being a controlling asshole and let your daughter live her own life and make her own decisions about her hair and her religious beliefs.	yta. this is how you end up with adult children who don't speak with you.	yta. but i doubt you will see it if you are still mormon in an age where educating yourself on the the things your church does and how it meets the requirements to be a cult is easier than making this post. you just want validation.	yta. society puts a lot of emphasis on girls’ and women’s hair. women with short hair are often viewed by many (incorrectly, but it still happens) as less feminine, less beautiful, etc. when i got cancer at 23, i had to cut my hair when it started falling out. it was really traumatic. i felt ugly and less like a woman, even though i knew that wasn’t actually true. you have forced your daughter to feel the same way, at a much more sensitive age, just because you’re embarrassed for your church to see her blue/green hair.	clearly yta here. i don't understand how you don't see that.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away because i don’t want reddit to know that i’m mormon. some background information is relevant here. my first wife and i got married way too young. we both grew up mormon, but she soon started having doubts and left the religion. even though we were only married for two years we have a daughter together. she ended up leaving the church, i stayed. i have primary custody of my daughter. she only goes to my wife friday-sunday every other weekend. her mother is an artist, so she’s a lot less stable income wise, and lives in a studio apartment. i am remarried and have two other children with my current wife. daughter is 14 and beginning to be a bit rebellious. i get it. since she stays with us however, she is required to go to church, and she must look presentable. a while ago, when she went to stay with my ex she allowed her to get what is called a bar piercing in her ear. my daughter already has two lobe piercings in each ear. i don’t like it, but i chose to pick my battles and not say anything about it. after the bar piercing i told my ex that she had to consult me if she was going to alter my daughter’s appearance in any way from now on. i let her keep the bar piercing in her ear as long as she covers it with her hair while at church. lately my daughter has been wanting to dye her hair. i have told her that she’s not allowed to. she can color her hair when she is no longer under my roof. well this weekend she want to my ex’s, and guess what she comes back with? bright blue hair! the hair is not completely blue, a good four inches of it is blue at the bottom. i am pissed. i demand her mother to give me money to take her to a salon to dye it back to a natural color. we go to the salon, and they try to dye the hair back to a normal color but it comes out a mucky green color. i tell the stylist to cut it off, into a pixie style. my daughters hair is already short, a bit longer than chin length, and she has had short hair before. but now since her ears will be showing at church, the bar piercing needs to come out as well. my daughter is refusing to speak to me and is very upset, and my ex-wife is threatening to take me to court. i thought that i handled this appropriately but now i’m staring to doubt what i did. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throw away because i don’t want reddit to know that i’m mormon. some background information is relevant here. my first wife and i got married way too young. we both grew up mormon, but she soon started having doubts and left the religion. even though we were only married for two years we have a daughter together. she ended up leaving the church, i stayed. i have primary custody of my daughter. she only goes to my wife friday-sunday every other weekend. her mother is an artist, so she’s a lot less stable income wise, and lives in a studio apartment. i am remarried and have two other children with my current wife. daughter is 14 and beginning to be a bit rebellious. i get it. since she stays with us however, she is required to go to church, and she must look presentable. a while ago, when she went to stay with my ex she allowed her to get what is called a bar piercing in her ear. my daughter already has two lobe piercings in each ear. i don’t like it, but i chose to pick my battles and not say anything about it. after the bar piercing i told my ex that she had to consult me if she was going to alter my daughter’s appearance in any way from now on. i let her keep the bar piercing in her ear as long as she covers it with her hair while at church. lately my daughter has been wanting to dye her hair. i have told her that she’s not allowed to. she can color her hair when she is no longer under my roof. well this weekend she want to my ex’s, and guess what she comes back with? bright blue hair! the hair is not completely blue, a good four inches of it is blue at the bottom. i am pissed. i demand her mother to give me money to take her to a salon to dye it back to a natural color. we go to the salon, and they try to dye the hair back to a normal color but it comes out a mucky green color. i tell the stylist to cut it off, into a pixie style. my daughters hair is already short, a bit longer than chin length, and she has had short hair before. but now since her ears will be showing at church, the bar piercing needs to come out as well. my daughter is refusing to speak to me and is very upset, and my ex-wife is threatening to take me to court. i thought that i handled this appropriately but now i’m staring to doubt what i did. aita? [/INST] yta. get ready for your daughter to never speak to you again, after 4 years when she's 18. she's old enough to decide things about her own appearance, and cutting her hair and forcing her to take piercings out is ridiculous, and borderline abusive. </s>
AITA for wanting to walk into my first home without my wife?	my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous.	20,228	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovgj5e/aita_for_wanting_to_walk_into_my_first_home/	2021-07-31 22:34:53	yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s)	yta - why did you get married if you don’t want to experience life with your wife?	yta. it’s a big moment for you. probably for her too. even if it’s not a big moment for her. sharing in each other’s big moments is usually a big part of marriage. you telling her to wait in the car is a huge and unnecessary slight. why are you even married if you’re still thinking in terms of mine and yours.	yta. you keep talking about “my house”, as if you were not married at the time of purchase. it’s your wife’s house too, bro. you are the one being selfish.	yta. the home is for both of you.	i would suggest asking yourself why you wouldn’t want to experience a significant moment in your life without your life partner.	yta. first, you're married. so you by nature share everything. second, by you wanting to go in alone, you've now set the precedent that she doesn't belong there. its not our house, its your house. how can she feel comfortable there now? and, how can she feel like you are a partnership like you're supposed to be as a married couple if you are so possessive of such a huge joint responsibility? no wonder she feels uncomfortable. you need to do something to make her feel reassured that its her home too.	[deleted]	yta. apologise and reassess what you think it means to be married. she is not being selfish - this is her new home too. you thinking the moment is more significant without her than with her? makes you selfish. your whole idea is that the moment isn't as special if it's shared with your wife. your brother is right to call you ridiculous. if you hadn't come here to (presumably) get advice, i'd be ridiculing you right now. but, you did. so yeah. apology, reassessment. marriage is a partnership, and your shared home isn't one of the things you get to claim for yourself any more.	yta. you sound like a brat. why did this woman even agree to marry you? bought a house and because you paid for it, you excluded your spouse?!? selfish, controlling, possessive, and probably a narcissist too.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous. [/INST] yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s) </s>
AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?	i am a plus sized gal who is really into fashion. i usually donate my clothes unless i can resell them. my friend katie is really into “refashioning” clothes from thrift stores. she buys plus sized clothes and then alters them into her size with a lot of other changes, like making them into crop tops or mini skirts or things. it’s a really popular creative thing to do. well she asked me if she could have first pick of my clothes because i’m actually larger than what she usually finds, and it’ll give her more material to work with. i said sure and would let her pick through my stuff i didn’t want, but asked her to tag me in her posts and point people to my shop where i sell the “nicer” things. she started showing off her refashion stuff on instagram and i was excited… until i saw the way she did it. in katie’s before shots she makes these really exaggerated grossed out faces where she’s draped in the oversized clothes. or she’ll do that face where she blows out her cheeks and holds the clothes out as wide as she can and does a cross-eyed expression. it’s really obvious to the viewer that she’s trying to “mimic” a really overweight person… like me. when i saw that, my stomach dropped and i just couldn’t shake the bad feeling it gave me. i tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked her why she was making those expressions in the before shots, and she said she just thought it was funny. i told her that to be honest, it felt hurtful, as i’m the one who gave her the clothes and it looks like she’s just straight up making fun of me and my body, especially since she tags me. she told me that i’m being hypersensitive. i asked her to please just not make those faces. she told me something like “after you give me the clothes they aren’t yours anymore, so you aren’t really in the position to tell me what to do.” i thought about that for a while and in the end i did agree, if i give her the clothes they’re hers to do whatever she wants with. so my solution is that i’m just not going to give her anymore of my clothes. i told her that and she blew up on me, telling me that i’m just looking for a reason to be offended and if i’m this insecure, i should be working on bettering myself. aita for asking her to stop what she was doing in the first place, since i'd given her the clothes? i just wanted to thank everyone for the responses. i didn't expect this to blow up. i want to reiterate that i don't think her refashioning plus sized clothes is the issue. a lot of people do it and it's great to use items before they just end up in the landfill. plus for everyone saying she should just go buy fabric like everyone else, good apparel fabric is so expensive in comparison to what you can find at the thrift shop.	19,504	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4u1qm/aita_for_asking_my_friend_to_stop_the_way_she/	2021-01-25 18:29:30	nta. katie made the very excellent point that once those clothes were hers she could do what she likes with them. you took that logic to the next step and decided the clothes wouldn't be hers. perfectly reasonable. and i'm sorry your friend is a jerk.	nta. you're under no obligation to give her your things, and her unwillingness to accommodate a reasonable request ("don't grossly caricature plus sized people as a 'fun' way to advertise your refashioning") is a good reason to end this arrangement. her reaction to your decision is a good reason to reevaluate the friendship, frankly.	nta. a good friend, when told they're doing something that hurts the other friend, apologizes and stops. they don't blame the friend for being hurt by something that is honestly, pretty rude. she's not making a 'funny face,' she's being rude and insulting.	nta, it’s already difficult enough for plus-size people to find affordable and cute clothing that fits them, and she doesn’t have to dehumanize those people by acting like it’s so disgusting to actually be that size. it actually doesn’t really matter where she got the particular item from, she’s still sending a message that it’s gross and weird for larger people to... need larger clothes? for them to exist? and that is an ah move.	nta she can frame it however she wants, but she's getting likes/views at your expense. it is an awful lot of gall expect someone to give you something, and then make fun of them using what they have you.	nta — katie might be creative, but she definitely doesn’t sound like a very nice person, or like she cares about or respects you. i’d rethink this friendship.	nta and i hate all of this. imagine making fun of people who wear bigger sizes clothing and your excuse is well i own the clothes so...? your friend's behaviour is horrible. she is very clearly making fun of everyone who wears bigger clothes and the fact that she tried to justify herself rather than listening to you saying you feel hurt is really unempathetic. please do stop giving her clothes and also cut her off. she sounds like a toxic and terrible 'friend'.	well before you give them to her, they're your clothes. she's really not in any position to tell you what to do with them. nta, it was a reasonable request, she sounds like an entitled prick. she expects free handouts but can't honor a simple request to stop mocking you?	nta. i refashion clothes sometimes (i have a lot of personal rules around what i will/will not use when i do this) and the dramatic/exaggerated facial expressions i've seen on other people who do it really bothers me. all she had to do was take a "before" picture of the garment on the floor, or draped over a chair or something. she went out of her way to show how "enormous" the clothing was, which is just... gross.	nta your friend is way out of line mocking you after you did something nice	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a plus sized gal who is really into fashion. i usually donate my clothes unless i can resell them. my friend katie is really into “refashioning” clothes from thrift stores. she buys plus sized clothes and then alters them into her size with a lot of other changes, like making them into crop tops or mini skirts or things. it’s a really popular creative thing to do. well she asked me if she could have first pick of my clothes because i’m actually larger than what she usually finds, and it’ll give her more material to work with. i said sure and would let her pick through my stuff i didn’t want, but asked her to tag me in her posts and point people to my shop where i sell the “nicer” things. she started showing off her refashion stuff on instagram and i was excited… until i saw the way she did it. in katie’s before shots she makes these really exaggerated grossed out faces where she’s draped in the oversized clothes. or she’ll do that face where she blows out her cheeks and holds the clothes out as wide as she can and does a cross-eyed expression. it’s really obvious to the viewer that she’s trying to “mimic” a really overweight person… like me. when i saw that, my stomach dropped and i just couldn’t shake the bad feeling it gave me. i tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked her why she was making those expressions in the before shots, and she said she just thought it was funny. i told her that to be honest, it felt hurtful, as i’m the one who gave her the clothes and it looks like she’s just straight up making fun of me and my body, especially since she tags me. she told me that i’m being hypersensitive. i asked her to please just not make those faces. she told me something like “after you give me the clothes they aren’t yours anymore, so you aren’t really in the position to tell me what to do.” i thought about that for a while and in the end i did agree, if i give her the clothes they’re hers to do whatever she wants with. so my solution is that i’m just not going to give her anymore of my clothes. i told her that and she blew up on me, telling me that i’m just looking for a reason to be offended and if i’m this insecure, i should be working on bettering myself. aita for asking her to stop what she was doing in the first place, since i'd given her the clothes? i just wanted to thank everyone for the responses. i didn't expect this to blow up. i want to reiterate that i don't think her refashioning plus sized clothes is the issue. a lot of people do it and it's great to use items before they just end up in the landfill. plus for everyone saying she should just go buy fabric like everyone else, good apparel fabric is so expensive in comparison to what you can find at the thrift shop.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i am a plus sized gal who is really into fashion. i usually donate my clothes unless i can resell them. my friend katie is really into “refashioning” clothes from thrift stores. she buys plus sized clothes and then alters them into her size with a lot of other changes, like making them into crop tops or mini skirts or things. it’s a really popular creative thing to do. well she asked me if she could have first pick of my clothes because i’m actually larger than what she usually finds, and it’ll give her more material to work with. i said sure and would let her pick through my stuff i didn’t want, but asked her to tag me in her posts and point people to my shop where i sell the “nicer” things. she started showing off her refashion stuff on instagram and i was excited… until i saw the way she did it. in katie’s before shots she makes these really exaggerated grossed out faces where she’s draped in the oversized clothes. or she’ll do that face where she blows out her cheeks and holds the clothes out as wide as she can and does a cross-eyed expression. it’s really obvious to the viewer that she’s trying to “mimic” a really overweight person… like me. when i saw that, my stomach dropped and i just couldn’t shake the bad feeling it gave me. i tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked her why she was making those expressions in the before shots, and she said she just thought it was funny. i told her that to be honest, it felt hurtful, as i’m the one who gave her the clothes and it looks like she’s just straight up making fun of me and my body, especially since she tags me. she told me that i’m being hypersensitive. i asked her to please just not make those faces. she told me something like “after you give me the clothes they aren’t yours anymore, so you aren’t really in the position to tell me what to do.” i thought about that for a while and in the end i did agree, if i give her the clothes they’re hers to do whatever she wants with. so my solution is that i’m just not going to give her anymore of my clothes. i told her that and she blew up on me, telling me that i’m just looking for a reason to be offended and if i’m this insecure, i should be working on bettering myself. aita for asking her to stop what she was doing in the first place, since i'd given her the clothes? i just wanted to thank everyone for the responses. i didn't expect this to blow up. i want to reiterate that i don't think her refashioning plus sized clothes is the issue. a lot of people do it and it's great to use items before they just end up in the landfill. plus for everyone saying she should just go buy fabric like everyone else, good apparel fabric is so expensive in comparison to what you can find at the thrift shop. [/INST] nta. katie made the very excellent point that once those clothes were hers she could do what she likes with them. you took that logic to the next step and decided the clothes wouldn't be hers. perfectly reasonable. and i'm sorry your friend is a jerk. </s>
AITA for telling my friend that she's never been pregnant?	my friend is, god love her, kind of a hypochondriac and prone to anxiety about health issues. once again, i love this girl, but sometimes she just goes off the deep end. i'm a physician's assistant, so i have medical training, which is relevant here. in her 10-11 months of trying to have a baby, she's had two incidents of essentially false positives. in month 5, she had a positive test, followed by a negative test and her period in the evening. she called that a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage. three months after that, she had the same thing happen, but the negative test and period were the next morning. she has been sad over this and views it as losing two children. her doctor has decided to believe her, and has agreed to give her repeat pregnancy loss testing, as the standard is now two losses, and her husband is also being tested. here's the thing: there is a 95-99% chance this woman has never been pregnant. chemical pregnancies are pregnancies, but the tests are just too close together to have been a correct positive result. she has of course been beside herself about "being infertile" and "never being able to have children". they've been trying for under a year still. it's entirely possible that her husband is sterile to begin with. the medical misinformation is really getting on my nerves and i'm tired of hearing hysterics from everyone in my community about a woman who likely doesn't have a problem. i've told her that she's very likely never been pregnant, and apparently that makes me an asshole and insensitive to her "struggle". i don't doubt that she's sad, or suffering, but this is a result of poor education and poor medical care.	6,852	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eji1h3/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_shes_never_been/	2020-01-03 16:49:49	yta. why do you think you know more about your friend's condition than her doctor?	yta. you're not her doctor. you can't be sure the test won't come back in the 1-5% range. and even if it doesn't, this woman is clearly struggling with infertility. if you don't want to be part of her support circle any more, fine, but what exactly do you gain by insisting her grief over not having children isn't valid?	yta, she has a doctor- be a friend. she’s not going to accept the truth from you anyway, even if you are right. she’s going to believe the doctor because it’s in line with what’s true to her. so what’s the point? if she’s asks for your medical expertise, that’s a different story.	yta. i don’t know a lot about pregnancy, but i have a medical device engineering background and knowledge in product accuracy and failure rates. pregnancy tests claim 97-99% effectiveness. that 1-3% is for false negatives not false positives. false positives are far more rare. likely in the 1% of 1% range. if a pregnant woman took the test, and there was no chemical reaction, the test would be a defective test and the false negative was caused by a manufacturing issue. a false positive would have to be caused by a spontaneous chemical reaction from nothing (impossible), or a physiological problem in the woman. you’re saying there’s a 1-5% chance she has been pregnant. not sure if this percentage is from the accuracy pregnancy tests claim. she took 2 pregnancy tests, one had to have been wrong. i’m telling you that the positive test being wrong is extremely less likely. and let’s say that there was a false positive because of a hormonal imbalance, the likelihood that the second test was also defective and didn’t pick that up is astronomical.	yta. > her doctor has decided to believe her this phrasing - you're being so judgmental. has she swindled her doctor to believe her? how do you know more than her doctor? chill out and be supportive or mind your own business.	yta, let me count the reasons: 1. you’re focusing on how you’re right and your friend is wrong when it doesn’t matter (lost pregnancies are lost pregnancies). 2. you are a physician’s assistant, and according to your op you consider medical knowledge important, but you are questioning your friend’s physician’s input. you do not know more than your friend’s doctor. 3. you’re dismissing your friend’s medical worries by diagnosing her as a ‘hypochondriac’. is she really? are you capable of making a diagnosis like that? (no.) 4. you think telling someone how wrong they are will make them feel better about not getting pregnant? i promise you, it will not — esp after a year of trying, which despite what you claim is not nothing — and that you think it might speaks to an assholian lack of empathy.	yta. if she views it as a pregnancy, and she’s upset about it and her doctor confirms it, then that’s on her. you are not her doctor or physician, you haven’t ran any tests just heard her (most likely) simplified version. it was insensitive to belittle what she viewed as two pregnancies	yta. false positive tests are extremely rare and her doctor (who both knows more than you and knows her patient's medical history more than you) believes her, so chances are that you are the one who is wrong. also, why do you even care? just be a supportive friend instead of an annoying know-it-all.	yta. absolutely. i have had 3 chemical pregnancies. devastated every time and they happened very similarly to how your friend described. i feel like you are new to the medical field and you’re more concerned about being right about your knowledge (which you don’t seem to have much of when it comes to this situation honestly) than you are about being a supportive friend. editing to say u/pa-in-charge i really hope you treat your patients with more respect than you’re treating your friend. i’m guessing you’ve never been in this situation and it’s way more heartbreaking than you realize. i hope at this point in your career you’re not working with women who are trying to conceive or are pregnant or miscarrying. you have such a flippant attitude about this and through your comments have shown you lack the compassion necessary to work in that area. second	yta. infertile bitch here to give you some education... if she's been trying for 11 months, she's literally one month away from the critical "infertility" marker. if she's 35 or older, she is technically infertile. you clearly have no concept how absolutely fucking frightening that cliff is. it is very possible to have a positive test and a negative a day or two later with a cp. how do i know? this happened with my only cp. positive test (very faint line, so i had likely already lost it) on cd31 followed by a negative test on cd33 and the worst pain i have ever felt on cd34. i had no idea what was happening until i described it to my re later... definitely a cp. you're not a fucking doctor. she has a doctor and that doctor 1) believes she had cps and 2) is concerned enough to refer her for testing. infertility is terrible. horrible. the worst thing i've ever been through. i went through a period of time where i thought of killing myself daily because i couldn't live with the shame and guilt of not giving my parents their only chance at grandchildren, not being able to give my husband a child, overwhelming fear that he'd leave me because of it. and unlike grief, it doesn't get easier as time passes, it gets harder. what your friend needs right now is your support and kind words. not derision. not an insinuation that her husband might be the problem. not you discounting her feelings. what if the testing comes back and he's got azoospermia or she has diminished ovarian reserve? what if they really are infertile? you're going to look (and feel) like a real piece of shit if that happens. maybe try being supportive? and fwiw, you're a pa, but you definitely don't work in reproductive endocrinology. therefore, you are not an expert here. i wouldn't ask my re to diagnose an appendicitis, and i wouldn't trust a pa to diagnose my infertility.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend is, god love her, kind of a hypochondriac and prone to anxiety about health issues. once again, i love this girl, but sometimes she just goes off the deep end. i'm a physician's assistant, so i have medical training, which is relevant here. in her 10-11 months of trying to have a baby, she's had two incidents of essentially false positives. in month 5, she had a positive test, followed by a negative test and her period in the evening. she called that a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage. three months after that, she had the same thing happen, but the negative test and period were the next morning. she has been sad over this and views it as losing two children. her doctor has decided to believe her, and has agreed to give her repeat pregnancy loss testing, as the standard is now two losses, and her husband is also being tested. here's the thing: there is a 95-99% chance this woman has never been pregnant. chemical pregnancies are pregnancies, but the tests are just too close together to have been a correct positive result. she has of course been beside herself about "being infertile" and "never being able to have children". they've been trying for under a year still. it's entirely possible that her husband is sterile to begin with. the medical misinformation is really getting on my nerves and i'm tired of hearing hysterics from everyone in my community about a woman who likely doesn't have a problem. i've told her that she's very likely never been pregnant, and apparently that makes me an asshole and insensitive to her "struggle". i don't doubt that she's sad, or suffering, but this is a result of poor education and poor medical care.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my friend is, god love her, kind of a hypochondriac and prone to anxiety about health issues. once again, i love this girl, but sometimes she just goes off the deep end. i'm a physician's assistant, so i have medical training, which is relevant here. in her 10-11 months of trying to have a baby, she's had two incidents of essentially false positives. in month 5, she had a positive test, followed by a negative test and her period in the evening. she called that a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage. three months after that, she had the same thing happen, but the negative test and period were the next morning. she has been sad over this and views it as losing two children. her doctor has decided to believe her, and has agreed to give her repeat pregnancy loss testing, as the standard is now two losses, and her husband is also being tested. here's the thing: there is a 95-99% chance this woman has never been pregnant. chemical pregnancies are pregnancies, but the tests are just too close together to have been a correct positive result. she has of course been beside herself about "being infertile" and "never being able to have children". they've been trying for under a year still. it's entirely possible that her husband is sterile to begin with. the medical misinformation is really getting on my nerves and i'm tired of hearing hysterics from everyone in my community about a woman who likely doesn't have a problem. i've told her that she's very likely never been pregnant, and apparently that makes me an asshole and insensitive to her "struggle". i don't doubt that she's sad, or suffering, but this is a result of poor education and poor medical care. [/INST] yta. why do you think you know more about your friend's condition than her doctor? </s>
AITA? For not wearing a wedding ring and making my coworker think I'm single?	i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.	24,070	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0h1sx/aita_for_not_wearing_a_wedding_ring_and_making_my/	2022-04-10 12:57:23	nta. immediately go to hr with this. he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting.	nta. he sends dick picks that aren't welcome in an office setting and you worry you're the ass? and even if you weren't married that could get his ass fired.	nta and make a beeline for hr. ywbta if you didn't report him now so he cant do it to anyone else in the office.	this is stalking and sexual harassment. you need to report him to hr and tell him you’ll take it to the police if he doesn’t leave you alone.	nta it's no one's responsibility to wear a wedding ring. that's preposterous. he was harassing you. take every single picture and message and give them to hr.	nta , but call the cops on your husband for arson holy shit.	nta. go to hr. what morgan was doing to you would be considered sexual harassment, especially with sending inappropriate texts. even if you weren't married, you told him you weren't interested and yet he persisted anyway. also, a "nice" guy doesn't have to preach how nice he is. it's in his actions. also, it's your and your partner's business whether you wear your ring or not.	nta. why haven't you contacted hr?	nta honestly this guy sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. i’d report the whole history to hr. even though you’ve already dealt with it, the guy seems to have a history of making unwanted advances to women. btw it isn’t a person’s responsibility to broadcast to the office that they arw married and no longer part of the dating pool; it’s their potential suitor’s responsibility to be sure that the people he’s trying to date are actually interested. in this story, the woman was the target of the unwanted advances and the man was the aggressor but the rule applies to everyone. make 10000% sure that someone is interested in your advances before you make them.	nta. you asked him to stop and he didn't. that's harassment whether you're married or not.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i f30 started working at a company recently. i get along with most of my coworkers but been having some issues with this guy "morgan". morgan from what i understand is what everyone call "the handsome" guy in the office. he dated 2 of his coworkers and hit on several others. he seemed friendly when we talked, he seemed respectable and never asked questions outside of work. he offered to buy me lunch and internet and kept sending me funny memes and stuff. it was nice but felt a bit too much so i asked that he stop and he did. he started sending me pics of him that were inappropriate. i texted him saying that i'm married and he was being inappropriate. he texted saying i was lying about being married to get him off my back, then went on about how nice and attractive he is, and how i'm trying to act like i don't like him to get him to try harder. i felt frustrated especislly after he kept sendig me pics. days ago he sent me a d&ck pic and told me to "suck it". i decided to let my husband deal with it. he sent him a text back saying "sorry bud, small objects are a chocking hazard for her". then blocked him. the other day he came into the office looking furious and "confronted" me about being misleading by not having a wedding ring on when i'm married. i said i didn't need to prove anything to anybody and didn't lead anyone on. he said he was trying to get close to me and i should've told him i'm married from the get go. i said i was sorry but he maybe he shouldn't have basically tried to enforce a relationship with anyone regradless if they're in a relationship or not. he said that my husband and i were rude and offensive then rushed out. other coworkers said morgan was an asshole but i too bare the blame for having my wedding ring on and being somewhat misleading. i said i don't think i owe anyone an explanation and refused to apologize for what happened just to keep the peace in the office. aita really for not wearing my wedding ring? edit the reason i don't wear my wedding ring is because of skin problems. [/INST] nta. immediately go to hr with this. he is sexually harassing you at the workplace, and the excuse that "i wouldn't have harassed you if i knew your vagina was claimed by a different man" is disgusting. </s>
AITA for yelling at my roommate’s girlfriend because she hid my credit card and then claimed it was for my betterment?	i (m25) live with my close friend, josh (also m25) and his girlfriend, anna (f22). it used to be only josh and i until the lockdown started back in march and anna permanently moved in. i get along okay with anna but we’re not super close. i guess that establishes the group dynamics. yesterday, i couldn’t find my credit card. josh and i searched the entire apartment for two fucking hours but we couldn’t find it. then walks in anna, after her evening walk, and goes ‘what are y’all upto’ to which i ask her if she’s seen my credit card. she straight up says that yep, she has it. i was like what the fuck are you doing with my credit card? to which she said that i shouldn’t worry as she didn’t intend to use my card, she only took it to help with my addiction. what addiction? she thinks i’m a ‘shopaholic’ and that i buy way too much useless shit. she saw some movie the night before where the protagonist had this condition and shopped herself into a crazy debt. that movie reminded her of me. she said, i quote ,’you’re not there yet but you will be if someone doesn’t intervene.’ i was pissed off at this point because ; a. i do not have a shopping problem. and even if i did, i am using my money that i work hard for to buy things i like. she’s absolutely no one to try to poke her nose into my business and ; b. her having my card meant that she came inside my room, snooped through my stuff until she found the card, which is a gross violation of my privacy. so i asked, rather loudly, to stay the fuck away from my things and that i would fucking call the cops on her if she ever tried pulling a stunt like this again. josh was not aware of her stealing and he’s siding with me. but anna’s trying to convince him that her intentions were pure and that i’m grossly overreacting and being a dick to her. aita?	21,549	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbtrtv/aita_for_yelling_at_my_roommates_girlfriend/	2020-12-12 18:12:43	nta- i would check your bank/credit statements and make sure you don’t have any surprise charges!	nta. she’s not your parent and you’re not a child and she’s not your spouse or legally responsible for your debt. she stole something of yours and regardless of her intentions she’s absolutely wrong. your roommate should be standing up for you.	nta and check your credit card statement just in case, and double check your previous credit card statement since she has been living with you.	no, she stole from you. whatever her bizarre reasoning is. stick to your guns. make sure she and josh are fully aware if she ever does anything like that you'll call the police. and if i were you i'd get a lock for my bedroom door, who knows what she's up to when you're not home.	nta and i would absolutely do a deep check through the purchase history on that to see if you need to get some money back from anna. it sounds like it's time for anna to find a new place to live as well.	nta most definitely. even if she were a certified therapist or medical professional, it is grossly unethical, and illegal even, for her to attempt to "diagnose" and "treat" you without your consent. also, straight up violating your privacy and stealing your stuff is also illegal. her "intentions" in this case doesn't matter. there are so many boundaries that she crossed in her little stunt here that you need to get all three of you together and lay down the law. don't go in screaming and yelling. get calm and then forcefully but calmly tell her that this is unacceptable and that if this ever happened again, you'll be taking legal action. impress upon her that "overreacting" or not, you have the law on your side and you won't hesitate to use it. at this point, it doesn't matter what her feelings are, she needs to know she can't do stuff like that ever.	nta. yelling isn't a felony. stealing a credit card is.	[deleted]	nta. put a lock on your door or get a safe for important things. this was a huge violation of both trust and privacy.	nta. that’s theft. she’s not your parent (in fact she’s younger than you) and not anyone to dole out “interventions” on others’ behalf. if i were you i’d put a lock on your door, and tell her to keep her condescending assumptions and “help” to herself.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m25) live with my close friend, josh (also m25) and his girlfriend, anna (f22). it used to be only josh and i until the lockdown started back in march and anna permanently moved in. i get along okay with anna but we’re not super close. i guess that establishes the group dynamics. yesterday, i couldn’t find my credit card. josh and i searched the entire apartment for two fucking hours but we couldn’t find it. then walks in anna, after her evening walk, and goes ‘what are y’all upto’ to which i ask her if she’s seen my credit card. she straight up says that yep, she has it. i was like what the fuck are you doing with my credit card? to which she said that i shouldn’t worry as she didn’t intend to use my card, she only took it to help with my addiction. what addiction? she thinks i’m a ‘shopaholic’ and that i buy way too much useless shit. she saw some movie the night before where the protagonist had this condition and shopped herself into a crazy debt. that movie reminded her of me. she said, i quote ,’you’re not there yet but you will be if someone doesn’t intervene.’ i was pissed off at this point because ; a. i do not have a shopping problem. and even if i did, i am using my money that i work hard for to buy things i like. she’s absolutely no one to try to poke her nose into my business and ; b. her having my card meant that she came inside my room, snooped through my stuff until she found the card, which is a gross violation of my privacy. so i asked, rather loudly, to stay the fuck away from my things and that i would fucking call the cops on her if she ever tried pulling a stunt like this again. josh was not aware of her stealing and he’s siding with me. but anna’s trying to convince him that her intentions were pure and that i’m grossly overreacting and being a dick to her. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (m25) live with my close friend, josh (also m25) and his girlfriend, anna (f22). it used to be only josh and i until the lockdown started back in march and anna permanently moved in. i get along okay with anna but we’re not super close. i guess that establishes the group dynamics. yesterday, i couldn’t find my credit card. josh and i searched the entire apartment for two fucking hours but we couldn’t find it. then walks in anna, after her evening walk, and goes ‘what are y’all upto’ to which i ask her if she’s seen my credit card. she straight up says that yep, she has it. i was like what the fuck are you doing with my credit card? to which she said that i shouldn’t worry as she didn’t intend to use my card, she only took it to help with my addiction. what addiction? she thinks i’m a ‘shopaholic’ and that i buy way too much useless shit. she saw some movie the night before where the protagonist had this condition and shopped herself into a crazy debt. that movie reminded her of me. she said, i quote ,’you’re not there yet but you will be if someone doesn’t intervene.’ i was pissed off at this point because ; a. i do not have a shopping problem. and even if i did, i am using my money that i work hard for to buy things i like. she’s absolutely no one to try to poke her nose into my business and ; b. her having my card meant that she came inside my room, snooped through my stuff until she found the card, which is a gross violation of my privacy. so i asked, rather loudly, to stay the fuck away from my things and that i would fucking call the cops on her if she ever tried pulling a stunt like this again. josh was not aware of her stealing and he’s siding with me. but anna’s trying to convince him that her intentions were pure and that i’m grossly overreacting and being a dick to her. aita? [/INST] nta- i would check your bank/credit statements and make sure you don’t have any surprise charges! </s>
AITA for laughing at a childfree woman wanting to be a housewife?	i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”. i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife. i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today). much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”. admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”. i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams” am i the asshole, for telling her the truth?	10,430	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qsrqa0/aita_for_laughing_at_a_childfree_woman_wanting_to/	2021-11-13 02:58:07	yta. if she did all the house cleaning and the errands, i'm marry her right this second. and i'm a straight woman.	yta. it is incredibly rude to laugh in someone’s face who is being genuine and honest with you. it’s also not that crazy that, if her future partner makes enough that she doesn’t need to work, then she can stay home. my wife didn’t work for several years before we even decided to have kids. i didn’t want her to have to work. seems pretty dumb to me to take up someone’s free time for no real reason, again so long as finances can be managed by one of you. what will she do? watch tv, see her family and friends, be stress free, feel happier. i don’t know why you wouldn’t want that for the person you love if you have the opportunity to provide it. you may think her way of thinking is childish as you smugly laughed at the premise. it is even more childish to live in this world where everything needs to be fair and if i have to work you have to work too.	nah. she is allowed to have a (somewhat delusional but technically possible) dream. you are allowed to decline to support it and give your opinion on it.	yta. housewife ≠ stay at home mom, no matter how you interpret it.	i have a friend who was laid-off a few years back after over 20 years with her company. her husband still works outside the home. instead of a second career, they decided she’d be a stay at home wife. she takes care of the house, cooks, and gardens. she treats it like a 9 to 5 job. their house is immaculate; it looks like a model home. she’s happy and her husband is thrilled to come home to a great dinner and a gorgeous home that their friends are jealous of.	yta. just because you don't like the idea doesn't mean it can't happen to her.	yta she wasn't asking for the impossible - there are plenty of housewives without children. most of them occupy themselves by doing all the work that it takes to maintain a home and strong family and community connections. sounds like you shut her down before she could give you any details. it's ok to not want to support a wife if that's not your thing, but being openly disdainful is not.	op: "i didn't laugh or insult her, just a little spontaneous chuckle and i then answered to a question saying that most men wouldn't like that" reddit: "just leave her alone, we want to date her!" seriously, stop doing this. op didn't kill your mother and even actually married couples fights a lot, so why is it so big if at a first date people find out they have different views? "he crushed her dreams", well, i dreamt of being a dinosaur when i was a kid and then my teacher told me it's biologically impossible, i was hurt but she was right. dreams are dreams for a reason and adult people should know how much importance to give to dreams, actual facts, and opinions	yta. if i follow your logic, when children are at daycare or school, housewives just stand in the corner of a dark room with a flickering light ready to attack unsuspecting pray and the household work gets done all by its own, probably from the demon possessing the woman's soul.	nah. and you didn’t crush her dreams, she probably just feels stupid because she wasted her time. there are people out there who would be fine with partners who stay at home without children. “housewife” and “homemaker” don’t always mean “stay at home mother.”	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	NAH	0.091339	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”. i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife. i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today). much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”. admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”. i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams” am i the asshole, for telling her the truth?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”. i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife. i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today). much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”. admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”. i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams” am i the asshole, for telling her the truth? [/INST] yta. if she did all the house cleaning and the errands, i'm marry her right this second. and i'm a straight woman. </s>
AITA for losing it on my husband for lying about an emergency to get me to leave my brother's wedding early?	my husband has been sick for few days. he got sicm around the time of my brother's wedding. i took care of him 24hrs for days. he's on meds and can move and go to the bathroom and eat on his own. i told him i was going to my brother's wedding and he threw a fit saying i couldn't leave him alond while he's sick. i told him he was not that sick, it's just some stomache that he's getting treatment for and suggested he call his sister to come stay with him. he said no and told me to miss it. i got upset and bluntly said no and that he could survive for few hours while i attend the wedding. he sulked and as i was leaving, he said he hoped i won't ever come back. it hurt my feelings but i know he was just mad and didn't mean it. at the wedding, i got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back. he said he was in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn't move, and insisted i get home asap. i freaked out and started calling his phone but he didn't answer. i thought "he must've passed out" and i freaked out even more. i got in my car and drove back to our house immediately. when i got home, i rushed towards the stairs while calling out his name but he wasn't there. i started to really freak out. i rushed into the bedroom and found him in bed drinking juice and soon as he saw me he put the phone down. i instantly knew he lied so i lost it on him and started yelling saying he freaked me out and caused me to miss my brother's wedding for nothing...absolutely nothing. he said that he already told me i couldn't leave him alone in the house and that this "very scenario" could've happened if i stayed there any longer. i yelled at him calling him horrible which made him cry. he started crying and throwing his juice all over the place. i had to step out and call his sister thinking she'd come help but she came and started cussing me out saying i had a lot of nerve expecting her to back me up after i so carelessly left her brother alone af the house in that state just to attend a party. we got into an argument and i went to stag with my family. my brother understood whrn i explained the situation to him. my husband and i haven't seen each other since then but his sister kept saying i had no right to scream at her brother and cause him a panic attack and said that he at least was clear with me from the start but i chose to be dismissive. was what i did dismissive? edit/ i'm 26 years old// he's 23 years old.	20,595	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnngr7/aita_for_losing_it_on_my_husband_for_lying_about/	2022-09-25 13:31:36	nta he lied, he's manipulative and he's borderline abusive. the only reason to go back to that house should be to collect your belongings!	nta 🚩- for saying you can’t go to the wedding 🚩- for saying he hopes you don’t come back after going to the wedding 🚩- for lying, causing you stress, and forcing you to leave the wedding 🚩- for him to carry on and throwing juice, like he’s a toddler who can’t use his words 🚩- for poisoning the well by obviously shit talking you to his sister op, gtfo. you’re better than this madness.	“he started crying and throwing his juice all over the place” op. hun. babe. those are the words you used to described what i’m assuming to be a full grown adult male. girl throw the whole man out! seriously. your husband is a lying manipulative selfish bstard and you know it. you deserve better than trash	nta, he's manipulative and grossly childish. please think about leaving someone who is trying to separate you from your family.	let’s break this down… >i took care of him 24hrs for days. he’s on meds and can more and go to the bathroom and eat on his own. so he’s not a bed bound invalid. he’s able to move around. >he threw a fit saying i couldn’t leave him alond while he’s sick. …he’s getting treatment and suggested he call his sister to come stay with him. you came up with a reasonable alternative that he shot down. >i got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back. … in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn’t move. this was designed to get you to panic and rush home, which you did. you *should have* called the ambulance since he said he fell, hurt his back, threw up, and could not move. but, again, like a lot of scammers these days, this was designed to make you panic and not think. so, to wrap it all up, your husband threw a tantrum, lied to you, and (along with his sister) darvo’d you. nta, but consider that, if this is the first time he’s been manipulative like this, it won’t be the last bc you already showed that his manipulations work. if this is not the first time he’s manipulated and darvo’d you, ask yourself why you’re staying with someone who, in this example, was willing to gamble that you would not call his bluff (bc, uh, calling an ambulance for a “i’ve fallen and can’t get up” scenario is typical, usual, and the thing to do).	husband is a complete asshole.	he threw his juice and cried while throwing a tantrum. you shouldn't marry toddlers. i believe it is illegal everywhere. nta and you two should get counseling and consider getting a divorce.	nta. but i really need you to see that this was abusive. he was telling you that he would not put in the work so that you could go and see your family, he then lied and pretended he was in danger to get you away from your family because he didn't want you there. he wanted you with him. no you weren't dismissive at all, but you need to stop talking with this guy. he's going to keep trying to pretend that he's a victim and that you're the perp, so that he can trick you into apologizing and then getting back together with him. stay with your family and then go and collect your stuff at some point. pretending that he was in mortal danger to get you to leave your brother's wedding is absolutely a place of marriage should end on. not to mention him then throwing shit around when you confronted him	nta. he said he hoped you would not go back so don’t. you don’t have a husband you have a child	info are you sure this wasn’t a 10yo? 🤦🏻‍♀️ nta and there’s some solid 🚩🚩 in the situation.	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband has been sick for few days. he got sicm around the time of my brother's wedding. i took care of him 24hrs for days. he's on meds and can move and go to the bathroom and eat on his own. i told him i was going to my brother's wedding and he threw a fit saying i couldn't leave him alond while he's sick. i told him he was not that sick, it's just some stomache that he's getting treatment for and suggested he call his sister to come stay with him. he said no and told me to miss it. i got upset and bluntly said no and that he could survive for few hours while i attend the wedding. he sulked and as i was leaving, he said he hoped i won't ever come back. it hurt my feelings but i know he was just mad and didn't mean it. at the wedding, i got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back. he said he was in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn't move, and insisted i get home asap. i freaked out and started calling his phone but he didn't answer. i thought "he must've passed out" and i freaked out even more. i got in my car and drove back to our house immediately. when i got home, i rushed towards the stairs while calling out his name but he wasn't there. i started to really freak out. i rushed into the bedroom and found him in bed drinking juice and soon as he saw me he put the phone down. i instantly knew he lied so i lost it on him and started yelling saying he freaked me out and caused me to miss my brother's wedding for nothing...absolutely nothing. he said that he already told me i couldn't leave him alone in the house and that this "very scenario" could've happened if i stayed there any longer. i yelled at him calling him horrible which made him cry. he started crying and throwing his juice all over the place. i had to step out and call his sister thinking she'd come help but she came and started cussing me out saying i had a lot of nerve expecting her to back me up after i so carelessly left her brother alone af the house in that state just to attend a party. we got into an argument and i went to stag with my family. my brother understood whrn i explained the situation to him. my husband and i haven't seen each other since then but his sister kept saying i had no right to scream at her brother and cause him a panic attack and said that he at least was clear with me from the start but i chose to be dismissive. was what i did dismissive? edit/ i'm 26 years old// he's 23 years old.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband has been sick for few days. he got sicm around the time of my brother's wedding. i took care of him 24hrs for days. he's on meds and can move and go to the bathroom and eat on his own. i told him i was going to my brother's wedding and he threw a fit saying i couldn't leave him alond while he's sick. i told him he was not that sick, it's just some stomache that he's getting treatment for and suggested he call his sister to come stay with him. he said no and told me to miss it. i got upset and bluntly said no and that he could survive for few hours while i attend the wedding. he sulked and as i was leaving, he said he hoped i won't ever come back. it hurt my feelings but i know he was just mad and didn't mean it. at the wedding, i got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back. he said he was in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn't move, and insisted i get home asap. i freaked out and started calling his phone but he didn't answer. i thought "he must've passed out" and i freaked out even more. i got in my car and drove back to our house immediately. when i got home, i rushed towards the stairs while calling out his name but he wasn't there. i started to really freak out. i rushed into the bedroom and found him in bed drinking juice and soon as he saw me he put the phone down. i instantly knew he lied so i lost it on him and started yelling saying he freaked me out and caused me to miss my brother's wedding for nothing...absolutely nothing. he said that he already told me i couldn't leave him alone in the house and that this "very scenario" could've happened if i stayed there any longer. i yelled at him calling him horrible which made him cry. he started crying and throwing his juice all over the place. i had to step out and call his sister thinking she'd come help but she came and started cussing me out saying i had a lot of nerve expecting her to back me up after i so carelessly left her brother alone af the house in that state just to attend a party. we got into an argument and i went to stag with my family. my brother understood whrn i explained the situation to him. my husband and i haven't seen each other since then but his sister kept saying i had no right to scream at her brother and cause him a panic attack and said that he at least was clear with me from the start but i chose to be dismissive. was what i did dismissive? edit/ i'm 26 years old// he's 23 years old. [/INST] nta he lied, he's manipulative and he's borderline abusive. the only reason to go back to that house should be to collect your belongings! </s>
AITA for insisting that my boyfriend pay me for breaking my $3,500 model ship?	my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?	23,849	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snl03t/aita_for_insisting_that_my_boyfriend_pay_me_for/	2022-02-08 14:03:16	nta but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better.	nta ship ahoy!!! what shall we do with a drunken boyfriend / what shall we do with a bully boyfriend / what shall we do with a loser boyfriend / when he breaks an heirloom? dump him.	nope nta i dont take new partners or guests on a tour of my home and indicate everything's value so they know what's financially or emotionally viable for them to break. these people were in your house, disrespecting your things and broke something important to you. he absolutely should be paying for it to be replaced or repaired.	nta. you didn't treat your bf badly! he destroyed your property, disregarding you when you ask him to stop. this is a huge lack of respect on his part. if he can't respect you more than that, he deserve to be single and have 3500$ less in his pockets. edit : also, the lame "i was drunk" excuse is a big, big, big red flag. alcohol is never a good excuse. he is just refusing to take accountability for his actions. edit again : whaaaat i just saw this man is 37 yo. i was certain he was a teenager or very young adult. please tell me you don't plan on staying in a relationship with this boy...	nta. full stop. i don't even need to see a picture of that type of model to know it's expensive as hell. i've got $50 warhammer figures i've spent hours building and painting i'd be fucking furious to see being tossed around like a hacky sack, let alone a presumably large, intricately detailed model ship. there is no excuse for that behavior even if the ship was a cheap hunk of plastic you picked up at the dollar store. you said no. he and his friends didn't respect that. end of discussion. he owes you $3500 and a big ass apology.	nta, at all. even if it didn't have sentimental value and was just a $3,500 ship model you bought at a store he would owe you the money to replace the item he broke in your home with his friends when you told him to stop. don't bend on this.	nta a wise store sign once said: you break it, you buy it.	>he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. get your money, then get out of the relationship. this guy is not a keeper. his behavior demonstrates a lack of respect. being drunk doesn't excuse it. a mature and respectful person doesn't play "keep away" with an item that is obviously on display in someone's home. by definition, an item that is on display in someone's home is valuable for some reason - financial, sentimental - it's why the item is on display. it's common sense. even if you want to ignore the lack of respect, blame shifting, and use of guilt to manipulate you, why would you want to date someone who lacks basic common sense. nta	> i get that i might’ve got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly nta - i’m not sure where you treated your boyfriend badly? you treated a 37 year old man like 37 year old man, asking him to be accountable for his actions. he is an ah for not vounteering to make this right without your prompting, and he absolutely should have legal encouragement if he continues to shirk his responsibility here.	nta keep copies of your texts with him admitting guilt.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my f/33 dad passed away and left me one of his last and favorite ship model, i had it on display in my living room. but for some reason i never actually mentioned it to my boyfriend m/37 of 6 months. maybe because we don't live together and he don't visit often. the other day he and his friends came over to my place to celebrate his birthday. they got drunk and started throwing the sofas pillows at each others. i told them to stop then went into the kitchen to clean up. i then started hearing loud noise, i walked out the kitchen and saw my model ship in my boyfriend's hands. i rushed to get it but he passed it on to his friend, and then his friend passed it on to the other friend. i started running around trying to catch it while yelling at them to stop then my boyfriend grabbed it again. i was so angry i told him to hand it over but he said i needed to kiss him first. i yelled at him and he tried to threw it to his friend who tried to catch it but it missee and hit the wall and broke. i lost it!! kicked all of his friend out then had a fight with him telling him this was a sentimental item from dad and demanded that he pay me $3,500 because this is how much it costs. he left then called in the morning asking if i was serious about wanting him to pay $3,500 and i said i was dead serious. he started making excuses saying he was drunk and also, i never told him about this ship and how important it was for me before both monetarily and sentimentally so that's on me. we had another fight and then i hung up upon telling him i'm expecting the 3,500 and that i wasn't afraid to take the legal route if i have to. he kept texting asking me to let it go and saying it was cruel of me to threaten him with the law. he had his friends apologize thinking this would be it but i insisted that he pay me. i get that i might've got worked up over an item and treated my boyfriend badly but to me it seemed like recklessness on his part. aita? [/INST] nta but he is 37? and treats you (mocking you that night) and your possesions like that? you deserve better. </s>
AITA for telling a woman where my baby came from	i’m (27f) an indian american woman. i was born and raised in america. a large majority of my childhood friends are indian and i love to catch up with them. i’m the first of my friend group to have a baby. i was expected to be the last to have one, but life happens. i love her very very much and she’s the main focus of my friend group. her father (38m) is white and my baby looks predominantly white. for reference, my skin is tan and lighter than some of my friends, but i still look very indian. my friends and i decided to have an outdoor lunch together for the first time since february. i take covid very seriously because of my baby (now 6 months) but the cases in our area are very low and we all agreed to go to a place with less crowd. we were very safe. my friends and i were all sitting at a table and were having a great time. a white family later came to sit next to our table (still pretty far from us, more than 6 feet). my baby was laughing pretty loudly and babbling. she was being the happy little baby that she is. i had dressed her up in a lavender dress and she was wearing a little matching bonnet. a lady from that family noticed us and walked over to us, without a mask and pretty close to me and my baby. i immediately started to put a mask on my baby. she started talking to me and complimented my baby and then asked me where she came from. her exact words were “how cute! that baby is just adorable! i just want to eat that little face up! where did she come from?” i was so confused and put off by that question. i didn’t know what she was talking about and my immediate response was “umm, well my vagina?” my friends all looked so confused and irritated and we were just super awkward. the lady was offended and told me that i could’ve just told her that my baby was mine and i didn’t have to be so rude. she then huffed off and my friends and i were left pretty angry and confused. we carried on with our lunch and then when we were leaving, the lady’s husband and son walked up toward us and told us that we disrespected her and asked us if we had any lessons in basic manners. we didn’t say anything to them because frankly, we were scared. i’m putting this story here because i want to know if what i said was wrong and if i brought this situation on myself. aita?	18,307	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jjyeq3/aita_for_telling_a_woman_where_my_baby_came_from/	2020-10-28 23:08:57	nta normally i wouldn’t advise mentioning your vagina to a stranger, but question was rude. i don’t blame you for being taken aback. she came up to you and violated covid restrictions, so i don’t think you really owe her that much courtesy. plus what you said was weird but not really rude. her husband should have dropped it.	nta she was asking weird, personal, and kinda racist questions. tbh, i think your answer was hilarious. and i think you did the right thing in not responding to her husband, not because you should be scared, but because he didn't deserve any attention. he was being ridiculous. as an aside, it's not recommended to put a mask on children younger than 2 because they can't remove it themselves if they have trouble breathing. it doesn't really protect the wearer anyway; it protects everyone else from the wearer. next time, if you feel safe to do so, just ask an unmasked stranger to step back at least 2 meters or leave entirely.	she assumed the child you arrived with and were holding for the entire event wasn't yours? she asked them "where they came from"??? (given the age of your baby that question was 100% directed at you, disgusting) nta, the racism is strong with this one...	nta! great reply to her, and factually correct. if that insulted them they are morons.	omg. lol. when i read the title, i thought to myself, please tell me this lady said "my vagina" and you did!!!! haha. nta at all, op. you are wonderful!	nta. that woman is the one who needs to learn about basic manners, not poking her nose into others’ business. also, it’s not like vagina is a bad word.	nta - this kind of thing has happened in my family constantly, my mother's side are indian my father (and many spouses to my mother's family) are white, some examples include: \- mother picking me (completely white appearance) up from school (30 years ago mind you) and being asked if she was the nanny \- my cousin having a coffee with her father and an older woman coming over and calling him a pervert! (i guess she thought they were a couple???) \- another cousin's wife being asked were she got her "chinese" baby (her response was "more direct" than yours) along with the constant assumptions that i'm adopted and don't know it (i'm not, i'm just a clone of my dad). your response was perfect, let these people be embarrassed by their racist bias!	nta, i'm half hispanic, my skin is tan and i have dark hair, my daughter is blue eyed dark hair... people assume she is adopted, or i'm her babysitter, or anything but the possibility that she is my biological baby. she looks just like me, except lighter features... but people just don't see her as my biological daughter. anyhow some people ask in a nice manner and i'm not as offended, others are insensitive and rude in how they ask. congrats on your new baby.	nta. when my aunt and uncle had twins and brought them to church for the first time a parishioner asked them “did you use a sperm donor. he’s (my baby cousin) really dark!” my uncle is a darker skinned italian. the cousin looks just like him. people are just rude sometimes. but i did laugh at your response. 🤣	nta. that lady made a pretty racist assumption and i think you handled it as well as anyone could in that situation.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m (27f) an indian american woman. i was born and raised in america. a large majority of my childhood friends are indian and i love to catch up with them. i’m the first of my friend group to have a baby. i was expected to be the last to have one, but life happens. i love her very very much and she’s the main focus of my friend group. her father (38m) is white and my baby looks predominantly white. for reference, my skin is tan and lighter than some of my friends, but i still look very indian. my friends and i decided to have an outdoor lunch together for the first time since february. i take covid very seriously because of my baby (now 6 months) but the cases in our area are very low and we all agreed to go to a place with less crowd. we were very safe. my friends and i were all sitting at a table and were having a great time. a white family later came to sit next to our table (still pretty far from us, more than 6 feet). my baby was laughing pretty loudly and babbling. she was being the happy little baby that she is. i had dressed her up in a lavender dress and she was wearing a little matching bonnet. a lady from that family noticed us and walked over to us, without a mask and pretty close to me and my baby. i immediately started to put a mask on my baby. she started talking to me and complimented my baby and then asked me where she came from. her exact words were “how cute! that baby is just adorable! i just want to eat that little face up! where did she come from?” i was so confused and put off by that question. i didn’t know what she was talking about and my immediate response was “umm, well my vagina?” my friends all looked so confused and irritated and we were just super awkward. the lady was offended and told me that i could’ve just told her that my baby was mine and i didn’t have to be so rude. she then huffed off and my friends and i were left pretty angry and confused. we carried on with our lunch and then when we were leaving, the lady’s husband and son walked up toward us and told us that we disrespected her and asked us if we had any lessons in basic manners. we didn’t say anything to them because frankly, we were scared. i’m putting this story here because i want to know if what i said was wrong and if i brought this situation on myself. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i’m (27f) an indian american woman. i was born and raised in america. a large majority of my childhood friends are indian and i love to catch up with them. i’m the first of my friend group to have a baby. i was expected to be the last to have one, but life happens. i love her very very much and she’s the main focus of my friend group. her father (38m) is white and my baby looks predominantly white. for reference, my skin is tan and lighter than some of my friends, but i still look very indian. my friends and i decided to have an outdoor lunch together for the first time since february. i take covid very seriously because of my baby (now 6 months) but the cases in our area are very low and we all agreed to go to a place with less crowd. we were very safe. my friends and i were all sitting at a table and were having a great time. a white family later came to sit next to our table (still pretty far from us, more than 6 feet). my baby was laughing pretty loudly and babbling. she was being the happy little baby that she is. i had dressed her up in a lavender dress and she was wearing a little matching bonnet. a lady from that family noticed us and walked over to us, without a mask and pretty close to me and my baby. i immediately started to put a mask on my baby. she started talking to me and complimented my baby and then asked me where she came from. her exact words were “how cute! that baby is just adorable! i just want to eat that little face up! where did she come from?” i was so confused and put off by that question. i didn’t know what she was talking about and my immediate response was “umm, well my vagina?” my friends all looked so confused and irritated and we were just super awkward. the lady was offended and told me that i could’ve just told her that my baby was mine and i didn’t have to be so rude. she then huffed off and my friends and i were left pretty angry and confused. we carried on with our lunch and then when we were leaving, the lady’s husband and son walked up toward us and told us that we disrespected her and asked us if we had any lessons in basic manners. we didn’t say anything to them because frankly, we were scared. i’m putting this story here because i want to know if what i said was wrong and if i brought this situation on myself. aita? [/INST] nta normally i wouldn’t advise mentioning your vagina to a stranger, but question was rude. i don’t blame you for being taken aback. she came up to you and violated covid restrictions, so i don’t think you really owe her that much courtesy. plus what you said was weird but not really rude. her husband should have dropped it. </s>
AITA for not following the rules of the neighborhood homeowners association even though I live in the neighborhood but am not a member.	neighbors in a home owners association have issues that i don’t follow the hoa rules... so the neighbors called me an asshole today... i bought a house 5 years ago that a real estate company built on speculation. mine was the first house in a planned subdivision that they were going to build one house at a time or as people bought the individual tracks of land. the area kind of hit a boom period and the other surrounding houses went up quick. in my contract to purchase my home their was no home owners association and because i was here first i don’t have to join any if the other neighbors decide to create. i’m grandfathered in is what it says in my contract. they all seem to forget this though and continually try to give me hoa fines for breaking the rules of the hoa. this has ranged from days i have things delivered to my home (amazon deliveries on sundays), to when i cut my grass to me having vehicles parked in my yard and they aren’t happy i own an extra tract of land because i bought 2 to have a bigger yard so i could build a shooting range (i live in the south this is not that uncommon) . the recent event though that led to them calling me an asshole is they came over to ask me to remove the eyesore in front of my garage. now my home faces the road not anyone else’s house so they do t stare at my garage but apparently they still don’t like it. i run a small hobby business of doing woodworking projects and i have a shelf outside my garage door full of various pieces of treated lumber that i may use one day. it’s not the neatest and cleanest area but it’s not a disheveled mess either. so i told them if they lightened up and just left me alone about all the other stuff. i’d consider moving my wood pile if it bothered them so much. they proceeded to tell me that i needed to address all the hoa issues and take care of the wood pile. along with stopping any deliveries on sundays and getting my other truck out of my yard. they handed me what basically amounts to a ticket and i trashed it and told them to get the f off my property. they called me an asshole for my unreasonable behavior and told me they’d be back	19,501	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n0rpai/aita_for_not_following_the_rules_of_the/	2021-04-28 23:29:12	nta - is there any way to get a sort of restraining order on the hoa? not the people per se, the entity itself?? or a cease and desist maybe? idk, but i would totally do that if it were me.	nta. you should hire an attorney for $100 or whatever and have them send a letter to the hoa advising them not to contact you again for any reason or you’ll consider if harassment.	nta can you get your hands on their bylaws and start intentionally doing stuff that's against them? for instance, parking on the road, painting your house a bright unapproved color, putting up lawn ornaments... a couple years ago, i saw a 6 foot, brightly colored rooster at a local store. i regret not having bought it because it definitely made me smile. that's the kind of thing you need for your yard. because nothing says "f you" like a 6 foot tall rooster...	nta i suggest you send the hoa a certified letter from an attorney outlining that you are not part of the hoa, and they need to stop their harrasment or you will look into legal action.	nta. post this to malicious compliance. there will be lots of great ideas for how to deal with your unruly hoa that you are not a member of. i hate hoas with the passion of a thousand suns.	nta. lucky you that you are not a part of the hoa. they are a nuisance and i don’t understand why anyone ever puts up with them. as you have seen, it’s mostly a way for jerks to power trip over their neighbors. you need to send the hoa board a letter reiterating that you are not a part of their association, and stating that they are not allowed on your property without prior permission and any violation will result in the police being called for trespassing. then if they show up again, call the cops. do not let these little dictators hassle you.	start up your own hoa (of 1) and tell them that they're breaking your hoa rules by coming to you with their hoa complaints. nta	nevermind the woodpile! you have a shooting range in a neighborhood!? that right there would make you ta in my eyes. we had an ah purchase property in our neighborhood and instead of building a house, tried to establish a shooting range. we had all sorts of large caliber guns going off all the time. thank goodness he sold the property after turning all the neighbors against him because of the noise.	you should get a massive statue of a penis and put it in your front yard.	ok look i hate hoas as much as anyone, having suffered at the hands of a particularly power hungry board member. the delivery days and silly things like that are absolutely ridiculous. you certainly aren’t ta for not following the dumb rules that you aren’t beholden to. harassing you makes them bad neighbors. and they definitely should have taken you up on the compromise offer. but the visible from the street wood pile is kinda trashy looking and you obviously know it. and if you shoot regularly in a residential neighborhood, especially if you are on less than 5 acres of land or towards anyone’s yard, you suck. i say these things having grown up in the south, in farm country, as a gun lover. my dad has many trashy piles of wood and other weird salvaged crap in his completely wooded 16 acres that no one can see from the road. he has a whole cache of guns but he doesn’t target shoot on his land because it’s loud and rude af. it sounds like you knew this was going to be a suburban neighborhood when you bought but choose to act like you live on 100 private acres. you might not be ta but you might need to consider the possibility that you are also a bad neighbor.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: neighbors in a home owners association have issues that i don’t follow the hoa rules... so the neighbors called me an asshole today... i bought a house 5 years ago that a real estate company built on speculation. mine was the first house in a planned subdivision that they were going to build one house at a time or as people bought the individual tracks of land. the area kind of hit a boom period and the other surrounding houses went up quick. in my contract to purchase my home their was no home owners association and because i was here first i don’t have to join any if the other neighbors decide to create. i’m grandfathered in is what it says in my contract. they all seem to forget this though and continually try to give me hoa fines for breaking the rules of the hoa. this has ranged from days i have things delivered to my home (amazon deliveries on sundays), to when i cut my grass to me having vehicles parked in my yard and they aren’t happy i own an extra tract of land because i bought 2 to have a bigger yard so i could build a shooting range (i live in the south this is not that uncommon) . the recent event though that led to them calling me an asshole is they came over to ask me to remove the eyesore in front of my garage. now my home faces the road not anyone else’s house so they do t stare at my garage but apparently they still don’t like it. i run a small hobby business of doing woodworking projects and i have a shelf outside my garage door full of various pieces of treated lumber that i may use one day. it’s not the neatest and cleanest area but it’s not a disheveled mess either. so i told them if they lightened up and just left me alone about all the other stuff. i’d consider moving my wood pile if it bothered them so much. they proceeded to tell me that i needed to address all the hoa issues and take care of the wood pile. along with stopping any deliveries on sundays and getting my other truck out of my yard. they handed me what basically amounts to a ticket and i trashed it and told them to get the f off my property. they called me an asshole for my unreasonable behavior and told me they’d be back	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> neighbors in a home owners association have issues that i don’t follow the hoa rules... so the neighbors called me an asshole today... i bought a house 5 years ago that a real estate company built on speculation. mine was the first house in a planned subdivision that they were going to build one house at a time or as people bought the individual tracks of land. the area kind of hit a boom period and the other surrounding houses went up quick. in my contract to purchase my home their was no home owners association and because i was here first i don’t have to join any if the other neighbors decide to create. i’m grandfathered in is what it says in my contract. they all seem to forget this though and continually try to give me hoa fines for breaking the rules of the hoa. this has ranged from days i have things delivered to my home (amazon deliveries on sundays), to when i cut my grass to me having vehicles parked in my yard and they aren’t happy i own an extra tract of land because i bought 2 to have a bigger yard so i could build a shooting range (i live in the south this is not that uncommon) . the recent event though that led to them calling me an asshole is they came over to ask me to remove the eyesore in front of my garage. now my home faces the road not anyone else’s house so they do t stare at my garage but apparently they still don’t like it. i run a small hobby business of doing woodworking projects and i have a shelf outside my garage door full of various pieces of treated lumber that i may use one day. it’s not the neatest and cleanest area but it’s not a disheveled mess either. so i told them if they lightened up and just left me alone about all the other stuff. i’d consider moving my wood pile if it bothered them so much. they proceeded to tell me that i needed to address all the hoa issues and take care of the wood pile. along with stopping any deliveries on sundays and getting my other truck out of my yard. they handed me what basically amounts to a ticket and i trashed it and told them to get the f off my property. they called me an asshole for my unreasonable behavior and told me they’d be back [/INST] nta - is there any way to get a sort of restraining order on the hoa? not the people per se, the entity itself?? or a cease and desist maybe? idk, but i would totally do that if it were me. </s>
AITA for not giving some of my deceased husbands things to his son?	throwaway for reasons. 8 months ago my husband passed away. he had an adult son from a previous marriage and the two of them weren't very close. i don't think they hated each other or anything like that. honestly, i think the divorce had more to do with it. because of reasons i won't go into here, his ex-wife basically had sole custody of their son and the two of them never had a chance to fix that relationship. anyway, my husband held some animosity about the whole affair because he felt like his son sided against him in the divorce. right before he passed he made me promise not to give his relatives any of his possessions (he had a bad relationship with his family and he owned some family heirlooms) and i asked him "what about \[son's name\]" and he paused and he said "he doesn't get anything either". honestly, i was shocked, but i was pretty much grieving at this point so i didn't question it. well, about a month ago his son reached out to me over email asking if he could have a couple of his father's items. he said he's been regretting that they never repaired their relationship and that he never got to say a proper goodbye. the items he asked about were small things like a gold lighter he remembers (i still have it) and a blue button up shirt (i don't know which one specifically, but i still have all of his old clothes). i responded and told him that unfortunately it would go against his father's wishes to give him anything and he replied very politely "i'm sorry to hear that. thanks for responding." and that was it. about a week later his mother sends me an email calling me names and a bitch for not giving her son the things he asked for and that i'm basically preventing him from moving on. i didn't respond and i blocked her email and i haven't heard anything since. i've been feeling sick ever since this happened. i'm still trying to move on from his passing and i'm not trying to stop him from moving on, i'm just trying to honor my deceased husbands wishes, but i feel like i've done the wrong thing and i don't know how to handle this. was she right? am i in the wrong?	11,044	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/axvbak/aita_for_not_giving_some_of_my_deceased_husbands/	2019-03-06 05:39:17	yta - kind of. all of this sounds terrible. your husband put you in a terrible position. but here’s the thing. he’s gone. why pass on the pain and animosity he felt in his life (in regards to his family) to his son? he isn’t asking for money or anything ridiculous. just something to make him feel closer to his deceased father. it’s not his fault that your husband held a grudge against a child who was leveraged in a divorce between shit parents. it’s not really your fault but i think you probably made a bad choice here.	nta i’m guessing you’re the executor of your late husband’s will, and the executor has both a legal and moral obligation to carry out the will according to the deceased’s wishes. your husband’s son seemed to respond well to it. i’m sorry for your loss and i’m sorry this woman is being so nasty to you because of it.	nta but kind of yta and the mom is ta. first of all, you are respecting your husband's wishes. second of all, his son is hurting too and asked for very simple things that he remembers from his estranged father. if they hold great importance to you, keep them. but this may be much more than that to him. if anything, maybe try to connect with his son. get to know him, talk about his dad. it may mean more than you know to him. if he is young and was young when everything happened it could've skewed his entire view and made things 1,000x harder, especially with his mother involved. his mother is the asshole though, no one that is grieving should ever have to be called names or deal with that. and i'm feeling like she is the reason the relationship wasn't there for them and now there is some guilt and anger so she's trying to alpha and fix it. that's just wrong. maybe just try to be there for him. if the items aren't special to you, give them up but also try to share some things with his son about him. it may be good for both of you.	you know how there are yta but justified? this is a nta but be an asshole in this one instance. be a noble asshole. he didn’t ask for anything of value. i imagine that shirt must mean something to him. he’s young, his mother is more responsible for their estrangement than he is.	your husband was the asshole for being petty about his son, esp if his son was still young when they divorced.	yta. your husband is gone - his feelings aren’t going to be hurt. the items asked for were small sentimental things - i think you can let them go. i can’t imagine losing my dad and not having any object to remember him by.	when you asked your husband if he wanted to give anything to his family, would there be any reason why the lighter or shirt be on your husband's mind when he answered no? i would imagine his response pertained to family heirlooms and maybe some money.	i love seeing aitas with mixed responses. it’s so much more fun to see everyone’s arguements!	nah (except the ex-wife), but i wonder if your husband was thinking rationally when he told you he didn't want his son to have anything. i definitely think that the lighter and some clothing is a very reasonable request. i would be cautious if he were asking for something valuable that he would just sell or that the ex-wife would want for herself (such as something she didn't get in the divorce). if the lighter doesn't hold much sentimental value to you, i definitely think the son should have it. if you're just going to donate your husband's clothing, i would let your stepson choose some of it. your stepson shouldn't be punished because his parents didn't get along and his mother badmouthed his dad.	nah. well except for the lady. if it was his wish i would not go against it. it's up to you in the end if you wanna give his son something. best of luck to you and i'm sorry for what you are going through.	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	YTA	null	null	NAH	NAH	0.886405	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for reasons. 8 months ago my husband passed away. he had an adult son from a previous marriage and the two of them weren't very close. i don't think they hated each other or anything like that. honestly, i think the divorce had more to do with it. because of reasons i won't go into here, his ex-wife basically had sole custody of their son and the two of them never had a chance to fix that relationship. anyway, my husband held some animosity about the whole affair because he felt like his son sided against him in the divorce. right before he passed he made me promise not to give his relatives any of his possessions (he had a bad relationship with his family and he owned some family heirlooms) and i asked him "what about \[son's name\]" and he paused and he said "he doesn't get anything either". honestly, i was shocked, but i was pretty much grieving at this point so i didn't question it. well, about a month ago his son reached out to me over email asking if he could have a couple of his father's items. he said he's been regretting that they never repaired their relationship and that he never got to say a proper goodbye. the items he asked about were small things like a gold lighter he remembers (i still have it) and a blue button up shirt (i don't know which one specifically, but i still have all of his old clothes). i responded and told him that unfortunately it would go against his father's wishes to give him anything and he replied very politely "i'm sorry to hear that. thanks for responding." and that was it. about a week later his mother sends me an email calling me names and a bitch for not giving her son the things he asked for and that i'm basically preventing him from moving on. i didn't respond and i blocked her email and i haven't heard anything since. i've been feeling sick ever since this happened. i'm still trying to move on from his passing and i'm not trying to stop him from moving on, i'm just trying to honor my deceased husbands wishes, but i feel like i've done the wrong thing and i don't know how to handle this. was she right? am i in the wrong?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway for reasons. 8 months ago my husband passed away. he had an adult son from a previous marriage and the two of them weren't very close. i don't think they hated each other or anything like that. honestly, i think the divorce had more to do with it. because of reasons i won't go into here, his ex-wife basically had sole custody of their son and the two of them never had a chance to fix that relationship. anyway, my husband held some animosity about the whole affair because he felt like his son sided against him in the divorce. right before he passed he made me promise not to give his relatives any of his possessions (he had a bad relationship with his family and he owned some family heirlooms) and i asked him "what about \[son's name\]" and he paused and he said "he doesn't get anything either". honestly, i was shocked, but i was pretty much grieving at this point so i didn't question it. well, about a month ago his son reached out to me over email asking if he could have a couple of his father's items. he said he's been regretting that they never repaired their relationship and that he never got to say a proper goodbye. the items he asked about were small things like a gold lighter he remembers (i still have it) and a blue button up shirt (i don't know which one specifically, but i still have all of his old clothes). i responded and told him that unfortunately it would go against his father's wishes to give him anything and he replied very politely "i'm sorry to hear that. thanks for responding." and that was it. about a week later his mother sends me an email calling me names and a bitch for not giving her son the things he asked for and that i'm basically preventing him from moving on. i didn't respond and i blocked her email and i haven't heard anything since. i've been feeling sick ever since this happened. i'm still trying to move on from his passing and i'm not trying to stop him from moving on, i'm just trying to honor my deceased husbands wishes, but i feel like i've done the wrong thing and i don't know how to handle this. was she right? am i in the wrong? [/INST] yta - kind of. all of this sounds terrible. your husband put you in a terrible position. but here’s the thing. he’s gone. why pass on the pain and animosity he felt in his life (in regards to his family) to his son? he isn’t asking for money or anything ridiculous. just something to make him feel closer to his deceased father. it’s not his fault that your husband held a grudge against a child who was leveraged in a divorce between shit parents. it’s not really your fault but i think you probably made a bad choice here. </s>
AITA for not telling my kids I planned to pay off their student loans?	so first of all i believe that people don’t spend others money the way they would their own. i think paying for your own things helps to understand their worth and cost. i have 2 adult children, susan (26f) and emily (25f) with my husband. we do ok for ourselves but don’t have a ton of disposable income. we told our kids in high school that we do not have the money to pay for their collage, we can help with signing loans and they can live with us rent free as long as they are in some type of school, but we wouldn’t be able to give them money directly. we talked about how whatever they do they need to make sure it’s worth the cost to them, either because they will make good money when they graduate or because it’s their passion. susan tried to keep her student loans as low as possible by going to a community college and living at home for two years before transferring to the school she really wanted, saying that it wasn’t worth going into more debt when she can accomplish the same thing for less money. emily was less concerned and went to the school she wanted to from the start, and claimed it was worth it for the “full college experience”. susan graduated with 20k in student debt and emily graduated with 60k. now that both kids are done with school and are living on their own, me and my husband decided to sell our current house and get a smaller one. there was enough profit to fully pay off both girls student loans, and have some left over for renovations/retirement savings. i had always planned to do this, but because i wanted the kids to at least plan to pay for their own school, and because you never know what can happen in life, i did not tell my kid’s about the plan. now susan is incredibly mad. she said if she had known i was going to pay off their loans she would have just gone to the school she wanted from the beginning. i feel like if it wasn’t worth 60k of her money, why is it suddenly worth 60k of mine? susan thinks i should split the money and they each get 40k instead, but i wanted them to be able to live without this debt hanging over them, not leave one daughter with dept and the other with 20k in disposable income. susan has complained to my family and they are split, some saying i am punishing susan for being smart with her money, while others feel that susan is being unreasonable and should be happy i’m paying off the loans.	6,271	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ljopz8/aita_for_not_telling_my_kids_i_planned_to_pay_off/	2021-02-14 13:50:41	yta. give both the same amount please. one received better education and lived a joyful life and you’re trying to punish the other for being responsible. pay 40 of for one, the 20 for the other and then give her 20 additionally. it would be really unfair not to and your kid might be mad forever. ps: thanks for the awards. this comment got way too much attention and triggered some questionable people... thanks to everyone else for being civil. you don’t have to agree but getting disrespectful is really not the way	yta. you planned to pay off their debt and never told them. susan didn't choose the cheaper option because her education wasn't worth 60k she chose it because she didn't want a life of debt. her being angry is justified she missed alot of the average college experience in order to avoid the debt. to make the statement that susan pretty much didn't value her education has much is bs. the fact that emily spent more money for a more traditional college has nothing to do with her valuation of her education. this is also a large sum difference being that you are giving emily 40k more of value when she already got an education without the sacrifices susan had to make.	yta i'm with susan the fair thing to do would be to give them the same out of the house regardless of the size of their debt. you are giving one daughter three times more than the other because she chose to run up more debt. of course susan doesn't see that as fair because it's not! to be clear here what you are doing is very generous but you should treat your kids equally (obviously). the fact you don't seem to think anything is wrong with giving one daughter three times more than the other makes me suspect they have not grown up in a fair and equal household so i suspect her hurt probably runs deeper than just this money.	just give them 20k each and make it fair put the rest into retirement. these days that’s not a stupid move	you’re about to completely undermine the lesson you’ve been trying to teach them for 25 years, but ok. and keep in mind one is so huge and life-affecting that this lesson will actually last their entire life. any lectures or intentions you had in their earlier life will be made moot by this decision. you’re literally going to show your youngest that it’s fine for them to make irresponsible choices because they will get lucky and be bailed out, while also showing your oldest that it’s pointless to be patient through responsible decisions because you just end up missing out while those who were irresponsible get the best of both worlds anyway.	yta- no matter how you frame it: you giving one daughter triple the other.	yta yta yta as someone who had seen her siblings get more money from my parents for making stupid decisions, while i made "smart" ones your short changed daughter will never forgive you. she may keep a normal relationship with you, but she will always have that anger and resentment towards you. it's your money to do with as you will. but it's also your relationship with your daughters to do with as you will. and you will be throwing at least one away by treating them unfairly	yta. i think you have good intentions but it’s not fair at all. do 50/50	going with yta you're effectively rewarding the behavior of the less responsible daughter. not to mention effectively saying she's worth 3x as much to you. either give them the same amount of money or give them no money at all.	yta. i get the reasoning, but in susan’s position, i would be upset by this. ultimately they both end up with no debt, but susan gave up a lot to keep her debt low, while emily decided she was ok having the debt. they made different choices but your way, the end result is the same, and that feels really unfair. i’d give them both 20k and invest the rest of it for some future use.	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so first of all i believe that people don’t spend others money the way they would their own. i think paying for your own things helps to understand their worth and cost. i have 2 adult children, susan (26f) and emily (25f) with my husband. we do ok for ourselves but don’t have a ton of disposable income. we told our kids in high school that we do not have the money to pay for their collage, we can help with signing loans and they can live with us rent free as long as they are in some type of school, but we wouldn’t be able to give them money directly. we talked about how whatever they do they need to make sure it’s worth the cost to them, either because they will make good money when they graduate or because it’s their passion. susan tried to keep her student loans as low as possible by going to a community college and living at home for two years before transferring to the school she really wanted, saying that it wasn’t worth going into more debt when she can accomplish the same thing for less money. emily was less concerned and went to the school she wanted to from the start, and claimed it was worth it for the “full college experience”. susan graduated with 20k in student debt and emily graduated with 60k. now that both kids are done with school and are living on their own, me and my husband decided to sell our current house and get a smaller one. there was enough profit to fully pay off both girls student loans, and have some left over for renovations/retirement savings. i had always planned to do this, but because i wanted the kids to at least plan to pay for their own school, and because you never know what can happen in life, i did not tell my kid’s about the plan. now susan is incredibly mad. she said if she had known i was going to pay off their loans she would have just gone to the school she wanted from the beginning. i feel like if it wasn’t worth 60k of her money, why is it suddenly worth 60k of mine? susan thinks i should split the money and they each get 40k instead, but i wanted them to be able to live without this debt hanging over them, not leave one daughter with dept and the other with 20k in disposable income. susan has complained to my family and they are split, some saying i am punishing susan for being smart with her money, while others feel that susan is being unreasonable and should be happy i’m paying off the loans.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so first of all i believe that people don’t spend others money the way they would their own. i think paying for your own things helps to understand their worth and cost. i have 2 adult children, susan (26f) and emily (25f) with my husband. we do ok for ourselves but don’t have a ton of disposable income. we told our kids in high school that we do not have the money to pay for their collage, we can help with signing loans and they can live with us rent free as long as they are in some type of school, but we wouldn’t be able to give them money directly. we talked about how whatever they do they need to make sure it’s worth the cost to them, either because they will make good money when they graduate or because it’s their passion. susan tried to keep her student loans as low as possible by going to a community college and living at home for two years before transferring to the school she really wanted, saying that it wasn’t worth going into more debt when she can accomplish the same thing for less money. emily was less concerned and went to the school she wanted to from the start, and claimed it was worth it for the “full college experience”. susan graduated with 20k in student debt and emily graduated with 60k. now that both kids are done with school and are living on their own, me and my husband decided to sell our current house and get a smaller one. there was enough profit to fully pay off both girls student loans, and have some left over for renovations/retirement savings. i had always planned to do this, but because i wanted the kids to at least plan to pay for their own school, and because you never know what can happen in life, i did not tell my kid’s about the plan. now susan is incredibly mad. she said if she had known i was going to pay off their loans she would have just gone to the school she wanted from the beginning. i feel like if it wasn’t worth 60k of her money, why is it suddenly worth 60k of mine? susan thinks i should split the money and they each get 40k instead, but i wanted them to be able to live without this debt hanging over them, not leave one daughter with dept and the other with 20k in disposable income. susan has complained to my family and they are split, some saying i am punishing susan for being smart with her money, while others feel that susan is being unreasonable and should be happy i’m paying off the loans. [/INST] yta. give both the same amount please. one received better education and lived a joyful life and you’re trying to punish the other for being responsible. pay 40 of for one, the 20 for the other and then give her 20 additionally. it would be really unfair not to and your kid might be mad forever. ps: thanks for the awards. this comment got way too much attention and triggered some questionable people... thanks to everyone else for being civil. you don’t have to agree but getting disrespectful is really not the way </s>
AITA For making my girlfriend homeless after she yelled at my little brother?	i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings). so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there. when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it. my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part. however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame. i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first. aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements? edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother. edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood.	35,878	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elc7z5/aita_for_making_my_girlfriend_homeless_after_she/	2020-01-07 14:27:21	nta. looks like she really showed her true colors. lose her. your brother is freaking 10 with nowhere else to go. you did absolutely nothing wrong and are frankly and amazing older brother.	nta - you didn’t make her homeless, she made herself homeless. good looking out for your little bro,	nta your brother is literally a child, did she have a problem with you visiting him daily? i hope things start looking up for him, anxiety and panic attacks are a hell of a thing to have at 10. if you follow through with kicking her out, i advise that you really have a mature conversation with your brother so he doesn't have misplaced guilt over thinking he is at fault in this situation.	nta. your gf sounds cold, uncaring, selfish and cruel. your little brother has just saved you from a potential lifetime of pain and suffering if you had continued with her.	nta if she’s a tenant there may be some legal stuff that requires you giver her notice.	in lieu of some more background info, i kinda feel like esh a bit, except the kid of course. girlfriend, obvious reasons, i don't think i need to say anything on that front. but... maybe there's some extenuating circumstances, but taking in a kid and then being all, "see ya, heading overseas, can't take him!" sounds kinda douchey to me on your grandparents' part... and then you - i think you suck the least of the adults here, as you're trying to do what's best for your brother, but did you ever let your girlfriend know that having to live with a ten year old was a likelihood in the near future when you and her moved in together? obviously she knew he was in your life, but... "this kid is living in our house now" is a hell of a thing to spring on someone. obviously she was a dick about it and the way she was treating him was not ok at all but if she had no warning i don't blame her for feeling upset. and the way you talk about it - "i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in", "she realised she could do nothing about it", makes it sound like you care very little for her feelings in the matter. of course the fact that she was living with you rent-free and all further reduces how much you suck, she sucks the most by a long shot, then (unless they've got a really solid reason) your grandparents, and you are a long way down the sucky ranking.	nta this doesn't even have to be about your brother in particular. do you really want to be with someone as vile as her? just hurling verbal abuse at a child, your brother, in front of you so callously? she sounds absolutely horrible. you didn't kick her out in my book, she got herself kicked out.	[removed]	this sub really needs the no validation post rule. 3rd one today where it is extremely obvious...	do people really believe these stories?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	null	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings). so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there. when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it. my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part. however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame. i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first. aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements? edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother. edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i'm 25(m) and have lived with my girlfriend for the last few months. i pay rent and all bills because a few months ago she was kicked out of her parents home (that's a story for another time), although she also does have a job (she is horrible with her money and has no savings). so a few weeks ago my little brother (10) moved in with me, and my grandparents said they were going to move overseas and could not take him - my parents passed a few years ago, and when they passed i was still in college and hence couldn't take him in, even though i loved him very much (still obviously do). when i got my own place, i felt it would be selfish to uproot his new home, so just left him with my grandparents. however, i visited him almost every day whilst he was living there. when i informed my girlfriend of my little brother moving in, she was very angry, although she eventually calmed down and accepted it - probably because she realised she could do nothing about it. my girlfriend has been quite aggressive to my little brother. my little brother is very shy and has anxiety issues, and often has panic attacks. therefore, the day before he came i told my girlfriend to be welcoming and make him feel wanted on her part. however, the last few weeks have been very concerning. she has been very aggressive with my brother. yesterday, when he accidentally spilt his drink on my lap, she yelled at him and called him worthless. he started crying and kept apologising to her, whilst hugging me and hiding his head in shame. i told her that she could no longer live with me given how she treated my brother. i was aware that by making her leave, that she would be homeless. however, my brother comes first. aita for making her homeless without giving her time to sort out other arrangements? edit#1: this is not a breakup post; i'm asking whether i'm an asshole for kicking someone out and making them homeless without notice because of her treatment of my brother. edit#2: regarding my grandparents, they had been planning to move to their country of birth (finland) for years now. they had sorted all the details out before my parents died. they postponed it. they felt very guilty when they told me that they wanted to live their last years in their homeland, but i understood. [/INST] nta. looks like she really showed her true colors. lose her. your brother is freaking 10 with nowhere else to go. you did absolutely nothing wrong and are frankly and amazing older brother. </s>
AITA for filling a few faux Amazon packages with my dog's shit to teach the two theiving neighborhood kids who have been stealing my packages a lesson?	this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius?	24,082	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl8kbt/aita_for_filling_a_few_faux_amazon_packages_with/	2019-08-02 19:17:27	nta, this is great. i hope they smell it and hate life in that moment but you might open your door to a burning box of shit someday.	nta. nothing better than a thief getting a little karma. but you aren't a genius. the guy who built the contraption to spin glitter all over the thief's room, spray fart smells all over, and catch the reaction on camera... that man is a genius.	nta. but you really should file a police report on them.	nta. it’s not going to harm them and it might teach them a lesson. be prepared for backlash though. feral children being raised by asshats are just the type who might come and throw the shit back onto your porch. (if they do, take all of the video to the cops!)	nta but you have video evidence, even if youre not looking to press charges you should start a paper trial by filing a police report. i definitely get not wanting to call the cops on the kids, but without getting the police involved you have no power other than talking to their parents, who can sometimes be biased towards their children or just shitty in general	nta. but i think the puppy crap isn't the way to go. get video of them stealing your packages. every one. save receipts. go to the useless asshat parents and say you have evidence of their kids stealing your shit, here's the receipts, here's one or two of the videos, and you want to be repaid for the packages. that will of course go nowhere. do this over email or text so you have a record. when it goes nowhere, file suit in small claims court. for small amounts of money lawyers are not required or often allowed. file the suit against 'jane chapman and her parents, dave and martha chapman'. that way if you win, the parents are required to pay and the kid can't just claim that they have no money. yes, you can sue a minor. [here's more info on that](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/small-claims-book/chapter8-8.html). this way, they don't get a police record. but, they do end up having to go to court. or at least the parents do, which may be enough to get them to tell their kids to cut the shit.	yta based on a couple of comments you've made >they are stealing many ppls items not just packages... but i don't like the idea of going right for the cops with kids this young... it will be my final recourse if it continues though i will use my video footage but i would rather not... >the kids have stolen other neighbors stuff like bikes or other kids toys. other ppl in the neighborhood have tried talking to the parents and they just don't care, won't even open the door or answer their phones most of the time. the parents are the talk of the neighborhood unfortunately so i see no point in reaching out when others have not had a response... i figured try something new and see if that makes a valid point. it sounds like you may be the only person with evidence of their thefts and rather than using it to maybe help get stolen property back, you're using it to justify petty retribution. it's not clear whether stolen bikes and toys have been returned, but without knowing the financial situation of your neighbors, it's entirely possible some of the stolen items are going unreplaced. you're lucky that amazon has replaced your goods, but there may very well be kids who just don't have a bike anymore. as an adult it is your job to set a good example to children, and show that when you see something wrong happen you should do something about it. "the indifference of good men" and all that. further, the girls in question are clearly not getting the attention, structure or discipline they need at home. their parents are ignoring the problem and you are facilitating this by not getting the authorities involved. police aren't going to arrest the kids and throw them in jail, their names will be put in a system. it will be a hassle for their parents to deal with, and frankly that hassle is usually just what's needed to get the parents to pay attention and maybe start parenting again. at the very least it shows the girls that all adults don't just ignore their actions and let them do whatever they want whenever they want, because that's how you get shitty kids that grow up into shitty people.	validation post.	esh the kids obviously suck for stealing, and you suck for not turning video evidence to the police.	i am so sick of this pandering bullshit. come on op, did you really think anyone was gonna call you the asshole? no, you were just looking for validation for your childish behavior.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	ESH	null	0.147002	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> this has been going on for a few months now, ever since school let out. there are two girls in the neighborhood who are about 8-10 and the oldest about 10-13... i have a video camera outside our apartment and have caught them red-handed. the first package they stole contained puppy pee pads and garbage bags, second package contained a pair of scrubs for work and last week they got a bluetooth speaker. amazon replaced all my packages and i would rather not get the police involved and their parents are real asshats that don't supervise their kids, so i decided to fill a few packages with chihuahua shit and leave them something special to steal to hopefully teach them a lesson. i also taped notes that said " dear children, stop stealing my shit!" in the boxes along with the turds. some of the turds are petrified, some were juicy and wet. aita or am i a diabolical genius? [/INST] nta, this is great. i hope they smell it and hate life in that moment but you might open your door to a burning box of shit someday. </s>
AITA for telling my girlfriend that her phobia is ridiculous and she needs treatment?	my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.	23,480	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ea4hnu/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_her_phobia_is/	2019-12-13 14:13:58	nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here.	nta but i would replace the word "ridiculous" with "severe" this is something she needs something for immediately. for her to stay in bed all day because of the reasons you stated is some serious phobia. it might be linked to a childhood trauma involving the cold (my guess) or it could be something physical. so insist on therapy but don't call her phobia ridiculous. call it severe, or debilitating. she needs serious help.	nah, but calling her phobia "ridiculous" was insensitive, especially considering that's virtually the definition of a phobia (as opposed to a rational fear). it's more than "super annoying," it's significantly disabling. approach this like an illness, and not an annoying habit.	info - how did she call in sick to work if she couldn't touch her phone to call for help?	nta for telling her to get a treatment, yta for telling her that it is ridiculous. if a phobia influences your life so badly, then she really should seek help.	info: is it a phobia, or is it that cold= painful? i hate touching cold things too, but because it is painful. i have hashimoto's disease which makes me intolerant to cold. if there is some pain, she should have her thyroid levels checked.	how did she call out of work?	yta for making a fake post	nta, you did take her seriously, that's why you said she needs help.	nah your girlfriend's phobia seems to be debilitating and i can see where you are coming from...thought i also understand how the way you worded it could have come across as unsympathetic and dismissive.	NTA	NTA	NAH	INFO	NTA	INFO	null	YTA	NTA	NAH	0.198488	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe phobia of cold things. we live in england, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. she refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. she has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to 'make sure the floor isn't cold'. she also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. this means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she's always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in. it's winter in the uk right now, so her phobia is in full swing. it's getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. on thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. when i got back from work, (i work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. why didn't she call someone to help her? her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold. i told her that her this situation is "ridiculous", and she needs to "get some therapy" because she can't live like this, and it's really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. it's super annoying and i don't know how she intends to get through life like this. she was extremely upset and told me that i'm an asshole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can't help it. i told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won't touch anything cold. [/INST] nta. if this phobia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. you sound very very patient here. </s>
AITA for refusing to give rides to my stepdaughter?	my husband and i got married in october, together for 3 years, and lived together for 2. he has full custody of both his children (12m and 15f) and i don’t have any kids of my own. when i moved in my stepson and i clicked really well but my stepdaughter didn’t want anything to do with me.(i think it was because my son was younger when i met him, and my daughter was already a teenager) i’ve tried to have a connection with her but it doesn’t seem like it will happen. i had a talk with her and let her know i’m there for her and if she’s ever ready to open up to me i’d love it. we are civil, there’s no fighting but she tends to avoid me and is quiet when i’m around. yesterday she asked me if i could drive her to her friends house and i said “i’m sorry but no, you act like i’m a ghost unless you want something, so you’ll have to figure it out.” aita for doing this? i feel bad but at the same time i feel like why should i do this when you want nothing to do with me.	3,449	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ff1gd3/aita_for_refusing_to_give_rides_to_my_stepdaughter/	2020-03-07 21:00:25	yta you think that answer is gonna improve your relationship any?	yta you say you want to bond with her but when she approaches you, you shoot her down and insult her. no wonder you don't have a relationship with her.	ya, i think yta. she's a teenage girl. give her some slack. the rides to places are an opportunity to get to know her and her friends.	wtf. of course yta. she’s a teenager and you’re complaining that she’s too quiet around you? and wants a ride somewhere? sounds like a mature teenager to be treating her stepmother so politely. you taught her your love is conditional, no wonder she doesn’t like you.	>i had a talk with her and let her know i’m there for her and if she’s ever ready to open up to me i’d love it. > “so you’ll have to figure it out.” so the first time you had the opportunity to do something for her, you refused? or do you expect her to pour her heart out to a complete stranger without any effort on your part? yta	yta good luck having any kind of decent relationship with her now, how foolish could you be? you said yourself she's not rude and there's no fighting, so why decline just out of pettiness? she still young and there could have been chances for her to open up, however after this, who knows?	yta. her mom is deceased and you told her she treats you like "a ghost" ? horrendously poor choice of words.	yta-when i was young and a teen until i was 17 i hated my step dad. i made every effort to avoid him but you know what? he made the effort, learned what we shared in love and over time i grew to love him to death. it started off with rides and letting me pick the music we listened to and from there it was maybe grabbing me a treat here and there and then we both loved video games so that became our thing. you as the parent need to find things you have in common and keep making the effort regardless. shes 15 shes gonna be a general pain in the ass but to refuse a ride because you're struggling to make a meaningful connection is ridiculous. you need to try harder.	yta. she's a child, who lost her mother at a young age. "why should i do this" - because you moved into a household with two young children who are still dependent on adults to help them navigate the world.	yta, you are an adult and she is a child, and you know that she probably doesn’t feel comfortable with you yet in your role as step mother but you’ve already written her off. how sad	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i got married in october, together for 3 years, and lived together for 2. he has full custody of both his children (12m and 15f) and i don’t have any kids of my own. when i moved in my stepson and i clicked really well but my stepdaughter didn’t want anything to do with me.(i think it was because my son was younger when i met him, and my daughter was already a teenager) i’ve tried to have a connection with her but it doesn’t seem like it will happen. i had a talk with her and let her know i’m there for her and if she’s ever ready to open up to me i’d love it. we are civil, there’s no fighting but she tends to avoid me and is quiet when i’m around. yesterday she asked me if i could drive her to her friends house and i said “i’m sorry but no, you act like i’m a ghost unless you want something, so you’ll have to figure it out.” aita for doing this? i feel bad but at the same time i feel like why should i do this when you want nothing to do with me.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i got married in october, together for 3 years, and lived together for 2. he has full custody of both his children (12m and 15f) and i don’t have any kids of my own. when i moved in my stepson and i clicked really well but my stepdaughter didn’t want anything to do with me.(i think it was because my son was younger when i met him, and my daughter was already a teenager) i’ve tried to have a connection with her but it doesn’t seem like it will happen. i had a talk with her and let her know i’m there for her and if she’s ever ready to open up to me i’d love it. we are civil, there’s no fighting but she tends to avoid me and is quiet when i’m around. yesterday she asked me if i could drive her to her friends house and i said “i’m sorry but no, you act like i’m a ghost unless you want something, so you’ll have to figure it out.” aita for doing this? i feel bad but at the same time i feel like why should i do this when you want nothing to do with me. [/INST] yta you think that answer is gonna improve your relationship any? </s>
AITA for moving out and taking EVERYTHING	throw away for obvious reasons.	23,186	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihaau8/aita_for_moving_out_and_taking_everything/	2020-08-26 23:46:56	nta, lol.....i do love the nuclear option of moving out from shitty room mates. your assets are yours, not his. take all that is yours and leave him to his sex-toy infested display area to enjoy. you've done more than most would do in this situation and made it right by the land lord. move on and enjoy your stress free life with kitty cat.	nta, let me get this straight, your 'friend' was harassing you, abusing your cat and planned to up and leave you with a massive bill for his rent and his unpaid rent and people are telling you that you're the asshole for getting out of there and leaving him with all of the problems of his own making? he and his girlfriend have made their bed, now it is time for them to lie in it. it also sounds like your parents are supporting you because they know you're in the right, but calling you the asshole because his family are taking out their issues on them. they need to deal with the family instead of telling you you're the asshole because they have to deal with the other family's bs. also, you could probably post this in one of the revenge subreddits, probably prorevenge.	nta they were nightmares, and it sounds like he got to the point of mistreating your cat, so why the hell should he complain that you took your cat with you?	nta they were purposefully antagonizing you. what you did was drastic, but it's no different than what they were going to do. they were planning on moving out without telling you (or at least they were planning on moving out and hadn't told you). you just moved out without telling them. it's worse for them because you provided them all the stuff they liked, but it doesn't make the action any different. you had good reason to believe they would have done something bad if you had told them because they were already purposefully trying to make your life worse. they are already planning on moving out. they can live a couple weeks with no furniture.		nta. you took your things. it's not your fault he wasn't adult enough to get his own furniture. also, you just screwed them over before they could screw you over and, frankly, it sounds like they deserved it. i mean sex toys and condoms in common spaces? fucking gross	nta honestly, they were basically asking for it. if it wasn’t for the part where they’d been discussing moving out without telling you, i’d say e s h because you didn’t talk to them prior to such a big move. yet, because of their attitude and them discussing moving plans behind your back, i’d say they got what they deserved.	nta. this guy is an animal abuser, you owe him nothing. "my friend began locking my cat in small cages and putting her the shower."	nta: your stuff is your stuff. you took everything you bought, and thats ok. good thing you brought the kitty too.	nta. block them and forget about them. i'd do the same the moment they started to abuse my cat. it's unforgivable.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away for obvious reasons.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throw away for obvious reasons. [/INST] nta, lol.....i do love the nuclear option of moving out from shitty room mates. your assets are yours, not his. take all that is yours and leave him to his sex-toy infested display area to enjoy. you've done more than most would do in this situation and made it right by the land lord. move on and enjoy your stress free life with kitty cat. </s>
AITA for asking if my cousin made her first million yet?	hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.	26,406	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/knpbi5/aita_for_asking_if_my_cousin_made_her_first/	2020-12-31 12:40:26	nta why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this	nta. if they don’t want to hear comparisons and criticisms from you, then they shouldn’t make comparisons and criticisms against you.	nta everyone seemed to just take it as a chance to attack you about stuff you haven't achieved, but when you question them about making their first million they get mad. ps keep going you'll get that exam!	nta - can’t argue with the numbers. that’s awesome. your aunt is a jerk and your fam is maintaining this bs value-centered shaming status quo and got mad you upset that balance. do you!	aunt: asks for your achievement and mocks you you: i made my first million. aunt: surprised pikachu face nta.	nta i feel like you went less nuclear with your comment than in some of the other posts on here. it comes off a little sweaty and insecure but you could have said worse stuff and frankly they ought to also be saying something to your aunt about being mean.	info: did you really make a million? or were you just being defensive?	nta. i think the only way you could have handled it differently is by saying "i did achieve making 1 million this year so that's a good achievement." and not ask them if they made their first million yet. but that's really nitpicking and i'm not even sure if that would have helped the situation at all. but not the asshole at all.	info did pat get involved with making fun of you?	if you asked only people of your own culture if you were ta, what would they say? i ask because it is my impression that the "young people" are supposed to "shut up and take it" when the "elders" speak in many asian cultures. i don't know the answer, and i don't think it's right, but if it's a cultural thing for you, then maybe you are?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	INFO	null	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hello friends, i'm from the future. throwaway, yada yada. well, technically we're a few hours away from 2021. so advanced happy new year. i'm currently outside on our terrace while my family is gathered in the livingroom after having asked me to step outside for a bit, because apparently i've ruined the mood. i'm turning to you guys to ask if i'm the asshole for what i just did. family from all over the city has gathered to celebrate the new years. covid is thankfully low in my city and we've taken the necessary precautions. as is typical of asian family reunions, the old people in the family love to 'check up' on their nieces and nephews. one of my aunt's a, loves to show off her kids' achievements, particularly her daughter pat. while listing off her daughter's achievements (passing the bar, recently getting married to a fellow lawyer), my aunt turned to me and asked what i've achieved in 2020. she began to list off all my lack of achievements, like how i'm thirty and still unmarred (i'm a dude, if that matters), about how i'm still living at home with my parents and how i'm still driving my shitty 2000-something civic. my other cousins joined in on the jeering and listed all the other failed aspects of my life. now, i graduated with a degree in architecture, but after multiple attempts just can't seem to pass the exam. this has been a point of contention in the family because my other cousins are lawyers, teachers, etc, whatever. these days i basically work freelance from home. i don't know why, but my aunt's condescending voice got to me and i said "i made my first million this year. has pat made her first million yet?" then turning to my cousins i asked the same, "you guys made your first million yet? because i have." the room fell silent. i basically killed the mood. my dad asked me to go outside and relax because apparently i might have just ruined everyone's new year celebration. was i an asshole? p.s. first million in our local currency not usd. [/INST] nta why does everyone get to dump on you without you defending yourself? that should have ruined the night for your parents, them dumping on you like this </s>
AITA for refusing to ''see other options'' for a girl and pressing charges for what she did to my son's car?	my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?	32,973	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t2z9oa/aita_for_refusing_to_see_other_options_for_a_girl/	2022-02-27 22:12:02	nta. this is the wake up call she needs	nta if you cave, you’re literally teaching lana that no matter what criminal or sociopathic acts she does in the future, her parents will buy her way out of trouble. she needs to learn early there are consequences to criminal actions.	nta and tell a lawyer they tried to bribe you. pretty sure that’s illegal	lana needs therapy. and press charges. possibly since she is minor with mental health issues she may get steered in the right direction. but if you drop this, she gets a free pass and could go worse next time. physical violence against an object (car) could escalate to physical violence against your son. i wouldn’t want to take that chance.	[removed]	nta! you need to stay the course. this girl needs to know her actions have serious consequences. and more than that, i’m happy your son has such supportive parents	nta she's old enough to learn lessons on actions and consequences. in fact, now is a good age before things get a lot more serious and she is actually liable for jail time.	nta. depending on where you live and that the girl is only 17 i'm guessing her parents will end up buying your son a car anyway. be sure to press civil charges for the destruction of his vehicle. she needs to learn there are consequences for her actions. play stupid games win stupid prizes as they say.	nta. this is a golden opportunity for her to learn that actions have consequences. why are the parents ok with their son being punished more than their daughter who instigated the whole thing. that's the ah move!	nta. therapy isn't going to help her if she hasn't accepted that she's in the wrong and her behaviour needs to change. it will be entirely meaningless for her, especially as her family is just reinforcing the behaviour by helping trash the car, and bailing her out. consequences for said behaviour are the only way she will see it as needing to change, and eventually accept help. and it's well past time she received some.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my (39m) son (17m) bryce dated our neighbor lana (17f) for a year, they broke up mid jan for reasons i don't know. i won't sugarcoat this, i never liked lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she's always demanding bryce's attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because bryce wasn't answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn't like that. the thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much. my wife and i tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn't normal nor healthy, we didn't want to force the break up because we feared lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don't know if it worked but they ended up breaking up. he said that after he broke up with her lana didn't contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but i told him that if fate didn't gave him shit he better not tease it. now the problem is that we bought my son a car for christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home. ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we've cctv). still, something smell bad for me so i decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case. well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son's car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, bryce and my wife were so distraught. we called the police and i handled them the cctv that showed lana and her brother (23m) destroying my son's car. we pressed charges and needles to say, lana's brother went straight to jail, but since she's still a minor her parents want to make a deal but i refused. i don't think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she's old enough to face the consequences. my wife and i want to stand our ground, they said they'll buy my son a better car and put lana on therapy but is not enough. aita? [/INST] nta. this is the wake up call she needs </s>
AITA for sabotaging our potential adoption?	throw away fpr obvious reasons. my wife and i met in our early 30's. we were married within 2 years. we both wanted kids but waited a bit as my wife was finishing a phd program. we started trying to conceive her final year and had issues. everything checked out for both of us medically but we weren't getting pregnant. after 18mos of trying we started discussing other options including medical procedures and adoption. my wife (who is a bit of a sjw, a giver and a crusader) was really excited about adoption. she actually mentioned early in our relationship that she always thought she wanted to adopt. i remember saying at the time that i hadn't ever really thought about adopting but that maybe i'd be open to it. obviously at this point the discussion became a bit more serious. i told her that while i wasn't 100% opposed to adopting i wanted to persue feasible medical options to have genetic children. we tried some treatments and luckily we were blessed with a little girl within a few months. 10 months after she was born we were pregnant again, this time having a baby boy. the first 5 years of parenthood were pretty typical, hectic and crazy. there was a move and a job change mixed in for good measure. now 6 years later things finally seem to be settling down. six months back my wife began hinting she might want another baby. we discussed it and both agreed that in our early 40's it just wasnt feasible to have a other child. it was then my wife brought up adoption again. i shot down the idea pretty quickly. i was honset that i liked our lives now, i didn't want to disrupt things. i didn't mention that deep down i don't want to raise another persons child, and that while if i was forced to i would do an admirable job i could never love another persons child like i do my own. the following months there were fights and arguments until finally i agreed to do an interview at an agency with an "open mind". that occured last week and i left feeling more certain than ever i do not want to adopt. predictably my wife is on the opposit end of the spectrum. we discussed the issue that evening and at a loss i told my wife something along the lines of letting the chips fall where they may and i would accept it. the following morning i drove to the agency sat down with our interviewer alone gave her the cliff notes version and told her bluntly that we would accept a child but i had very strong reservations about being an adoptive father. i asked her not to tell my wife about the conversarion and left. aita for sabotaging this process? i love my wife very much and i adore our family, i just didn't have the heart to tell her no on this.	3,566	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqw6kw/aita_for_sabotaging_our_potential_adoption/	2019-05-20 14:24:59	yta. if you don't want to adopt that's fine. you told your wife that you didn't want to adopt, that's good. however, rather than actually letting the "chips fall where they may" you did an end-around of your wife, went directly to the agency and told them you didn't want to adopt, then told them not to tell your wife so you can hopefully come out of this all clear but also not have to raise some icky adopted baby. that's an asshole move.	yta so much yta i don’t know how this isn’t obvious to you. grow up and tell your wife and mother of your child that you lied to her face and that you sabotaged a process that she cares very deeply about. i hope for your kids sake that you two can work this out, best of luck	sorry yta for doing it behind your wife's back, it's okay to not want a child, but that's something you need to sort out with her, her desire won't just go away. perhaps you two should get couples counseling together to discuss this issue	yta for several reasons. interestingly enough, not wanting to adopt isn’t one of those reasons. adoption is different than having a biological child and you are allowed to not want to adopt. you are also allowed to not want another kid. however lying about it to your wife makes you a giant asshole. saying you would raise the kid but not love it like your own makes you a giant asshole. (although at least you can admit that to yourself and that’s why you shouldn’t adopt)	info: > i didn't mention that deep down i don't want to raise another persons child, and that while if i was forced to i would do an admirable job i could never love another persons child like i do my own. why not be honest and mention these things? you’re ta for keeping it away from your wife that you have these reservations.	esh - but your wife more than you. there shouldn't be constant fights and bullying because you don't share her opinion, especially over something as major as a new child.	yta. i think you answered your own question the moment you chose the word "sabotage". also the whole "another person's child" thing is a really fucked up way to look at kids who are up in adoption. those are kids who couldn't stay with their biological parents for one reason or another. if not an adoptee parent, then who is going to be there to love them?	esh: while i don’t understand why you would essentialy pretend to go along with your wife’s wish to adopt (mayor life changer, so better be on the same page!), i think it’s a dick move to go to the agency behind her back. mind you, i also really don’t understand why your wife is pushing the adoption option when you have previously made it clear to her you were not on board!	info. you ended your post saying "i just didn't have the heart to tell her no on this" and then edited to say "she seems to not be able to take no for an answer." well, which is it? did you explicitly tell her no or not?	nta. all the people saying yta are insane. you have said multiple times that you do not want to adopt now. it is hundred times better to sabotage the adoption and spare a child alot of issues with a parent that does not want to raise said child, plus your own issues with expenses and that you simply dont want to do it. better do that than risk getting a child and possibly scar it plus ruin your relationship with your wife. she asked, you said no. it her problem if she refuses to accept your decision. your wife needs to learn how to fucking respect someone elses wishes.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	ESH	YTA	ESH	INFO	NTA	0.158114	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away fpr obvious reasons. my wife and i met in our early 30's. we were married within 2 years. we both wanted kids but waited a bit as my wife was finishing a phd program. we started trying to conceive her final year and had issues. everything checked out for both of us medically but we weren't getting pregnant. after 18mos of trying we started discussing other options including medical procedures and adoption. my wife (who is a bit of a sjw, a giver and a crusader) was really excited about adoption. she actually mentioned early in our relationship that she always thought she wanted to adopt. i remember saying at the time that i hadn't ever really thought about adopting but that maybe i'd be open to it. obviously at this point the discussion became a bit more serious. i told her that while i wasn't 100% opposed to adopting i wanted to persue feasible medical options to have genetic children. we tried some treatments and luckily we were blessed with a little girl within a few months. 10 months after she was born we were pregnant again, this time having a baby boy. the first 5 years of parenthood were pretty typical, hectic and crazy. there was a move and a job change mixed in for good measure. now 6 years later things finally seem to be settling down. six months back my wife began hinting she might want another baby. we discussed it and both agreed that in our early 40's it just wasnt feasible to have a other child. it was then my wife brought up adoption again. i shot down the idea pretty quickly. i was honset that i liked our lives now, i didn't want to disrupt things. i didn't mention that deep down i don't want to raise another persons child, and that while if i was forced to i would do an admirable job i could never love another persons child like i do my own. the following months there were fights and arguments until finally i agreed to do an interview at an agency with an "open mind". that occured last week and i left feeling more certain than ever i do not want to adopt. predictably my wife is on the opposit end of the spectrum. we discussed the issue that evening and at a loss i told my wife something along the lines of letting the chips fall where they may and i would accept it. the following morning i drove to the agency sat down with our interviewer alone gave her the cliff notes version and told her bluntly that we would accept a child but i had very strong reservations about being an adoptive father. i asked her not to tell my wife about the conversarion and left. aita for sabotaging this process? i love my wife very much and i adore our family, i just didn't have the heart to tell her no on this.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throw away fpr obvious reasons. my wife and i met in our early 30's. we were married within 2 years. we both wanted kids but waited a bit as my wife was finishing a phd program. we started trying to conceive her final year and had issues. everything checked out for both of us medically but we weren't getting pregnant. after 18mos of trying we started discussing other options including medical procedures and adoption. my wife (who is a bit of a sjw, a giver and a crusader) was really excited about adoption. she actually mentioned early in our relationship that she always thought she wanted to adopt. i remember saying at the time that i hadn't ever really thought about adopting but that maybe i'd be open to it. obviously at this point the discussion became a bit more serious. i told her that while i wasn't 100% opposed to adopting i wanted to persue feasible medical options to have genetic children. we tried some treatments and luckily we were blessed with a little girl within a few months. 10 months after she was born we were pregnant again, this time having a baby boy. the first 5 years of parenthood were pretty typical, hectic and crazy. there was a move and a job change mixed in for good measure. now 6 years later things finally seem to be settling down. six months back my wife began hinting she might want another baby. we discussed it and both agreed that in our early 40's it just wasnt feasible to have a other child. it was then my wife brought up adoption again. i shot down the idea pretty quickly. i was honset that i liked our lives now, i didn't want to disrupt things. i didn't mention that deep down i don't want to raise another persons child, and that while if i was forced to i would do an admirable job i could never love another persons child like i do my own. the following months there were fights and arguments until finally i agreed to do an interview at an agency with an "open mind". that occured last week and i left feeling more certain than ever i do not want to adopt. predictably my wife is on the opposit end of the spectrum. we discussed the issue that evening and at a loss i told my wife something along the lines of letting the chips fall where they may and i would accept it. the following morning i drove to the agency sat down with our interviewer alone gave her the cliff notes version and told her bluntly that we would accept a child but i had very strong reservations about being an adoptive father. i asked her not to tell my wife about the conversarion and left. aita for sabotaging this process? i love my wife very much and i adore our family, i just didn't have the heart to tell her no on this. [/INST] yta. if you don't want to adopt that's fine. you told your wife that you didn't want to adopt, that's good. however, rather than actually letting the "chips fall where they may" you did an end-around of your wife, went directly to the agency and told them you didn't want to adopt, then told them not to tell your wife so you can hopefully come out of this all clear but also not have to raise some icky adopted baby. that's an asshole move. </s>
AITA For Making A "Pregnancy Jar"?	my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [	29,672	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ufbbvv/aita_for_making_a_pregnancy_jar/	2022-04-30 13:41:35	nta. how creative! “i don’t have to pay you.” “yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are” love it.	nta furthermore, op, i will be stealing this idea for both myself and anyone i ever advise on the issue. it.is.brilliant. it is because it does exactly what happened: it brings the absurdity of the question (and by extension the questioner) to an even more absurd plane. you have figured out how to "outcrazy' people that ask without looking crazy yourself. bravo and i regret i have ~~not~~ but one upvote to give.	nta mom owes the jar a dollar. people need to quit asking people when/if they are having a kid or having another kid. if they want a kid, they are probably struggling with fertility, working through that process, and it's difficult enough without people asking. if they dont, that's fine too.	nta i make it awkward. "oh dear. maybe we are doing it right. what positions do you recommend that really make it work?" "honey, do you think you should go deeper when we try to make a baby?" you get the point lol man do they shut up after that. its amazing.	nta&#10; &#10; not only nta, but a beautiful way to make a point that words apparently don't.&#10; &#10; and you can use it to get yourself a spite snack!	nta, and i'm gonna say your mom ought to drop at least a ten in there for her lecture!	is anyone else impressed that her family and friends have a dollar in cash on them? i'd be like "do you take credit or can i venmo it to you?" nta of course	nta this is brilliant! at age 21, i married my husband in 1997. in his family of eight children, if you were married, you were starting a family. we went through years and years and years of enduring the question of "when are you having kids?" when are you going to start a family?", etc. what they didn't know what that i had pcos and couldn't get pregnant. and frankly, i wasn't interested in sharing it with them. at age 39, after 19 years of marriage, we were shocked to learn that i was pregnant. three days after turning 40, i had my son. a year later at a wedding of one of his niece's, i was talking with a different niece with my son on my lap, and mentioned at our table (where most everyone could hear) how painful it was to be asked over and over again when we were having children, knowing i couldn't get pregnant. there were a lot of people who looked down at their plates and played with their food for a few minutes after that. but it needs to be more clear: other people's reproductivity \[or plans for or to\] is nobody's business and should not be asked about.	nta. you asked them to stop. as someone with fertility issues, this is a very sensitive topic. anytime someone asked me about having kids i'd always burst into tears. it's not ok to keep hounding people about babies. your pregnancy jar sounds funny! it's like a swear jar but for nosy baby questions.	ntfa!!!!! if they want you to have a baby so bad, they can pay for it 🤣 not only that but who fucking asks that?? knowing you’re having trouble??? id put a big label on it and in sharpie write “the rude and stupid fuckin question jar”. put that shit on the table where everyone in the room can see it. then up the ante to $10 🤷🏼‍♀️	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my husband and i have been married for 6 years. still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. we only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. so what i did was come up with idea (stupid i know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "pregnancy jar". i carry it with me in my bag whenever i'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and i are gonna have a baby, i pull my jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. i'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. it actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. last week we had dinner at my parents house, my brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. my husband paused, i got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if i was being serious. everyone was looking at us. he said no, he didn't have to pay me but i told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. i could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. i made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. it got awkward afterward. mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that i embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said i should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, i told her they should quit asking then. she went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. i got upset and she started arguing. my husband and i left and we haven't seen them in days, except i got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying i'm being childish. so aita for this? [ [/INST] nta. how creative! “i don’t have to pay you.” “yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are” love it. </s>
AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister and leaving her without anyone to watch her kids?	hi!! long time reader and first time poster. i’m 18, female, still in highschool (pertinent to the story), paralyzed (also pertinent). my mom is 45. my sister is 28 and has three boys ages 10, 6, and 3. four years ago i was in a car accident and came out paralyzed from the waist down. it has been hell having to learn a new way of life but i haven’t let that stop me. i am going to be going to a college out of state next year, and graduating in the top ten percent in my school if things continue as they are. the one major thing that is a complete bummer out of all of this (other than the obvious) is that my mom thinks that i am now a free babysitter for whenever one of my older brother or sisters needs one. she never consults me on these and expects me to drop plans at the drop of a hat. this past monday i told my parents about a christmas movie extravaganza sleepover my friend has been planning. it’s gonna be three girls and we were planning on making brownies, cookies, watching really cheesy christmas themed romantic movies. and just girl stuff. it was on saturday (yesterday) and my parents said they had no problem with it. yesterday arrived and i’m just about to roll out when my mom comes and says my sister is on her way with her three boys. apparently she asked mom if i could babysit the other day and she said yes. didn’t even bother telling me about it. i said hell no because i already have plans. we fought and mom ended up storming off because this one time i wasn’t backing down. i took the time and left. turning my phone off when i got into my friends car. today when i got home i got called an immature asshole basically. my sister was left without anyone to watch the kids durring her husbands work christmas party. i went back on my word (that i didn’t make). mom told me that i should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because i have no real social life being paralyzed. i just went to my room and cried. but now i’m wondering…am i the asshole like they say i am because i refused to babysit and then left my sister in the lurch?	18,817	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rk8p2n/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_for_my_sister_and/	2021-12-19 23:23:47	nta. your family members all suck. if your mom is that concerned about your sister having a babysitter, she can watch the kids herself.	nta. that paralyzed comment was a low blow and unacceptable. i would never babysit again. i've been paralyzed for 21 years and my social circle is small but tight. i really want to have a strong word with your mom. you didn't deserve any of that. i'd put your foot down and stop. call cps if they leave them with you. use their words against them.	nta. op, this is abuse. they aren't treating you like a person. your sister can't even be assed to talk to you about your availability to babysit her kids, she just thinks it's cool for your mom to say yes for you. and i can't say all the words i want to about your mother. but you do have a social life, clearly, and you have more in your life than just being a babysitter as ordered. that was a truly horrendous thing for her to say. you keep on with your friends, and you go to college and find people who will appreciate you, and treat you with the respect and decency you deserve. because you do deserve better.	nta op and please let me say that i am so impressed and proud of you and all your accomplishments! i know i am some random internet stranger but i have three kiddos and i hope and pray when they are 18 they can say they are in the top 10 % of their class and that their idea of fun is sharing time with their friends watching cheesy movies at a slumber party. if your parents don't tell you haw amazing you are than it is my honor to do so. you are nta and your family needs a serious reality check as to who you are and what your capable of. 10 years from now i see you (in my imagination of course lol) being successful at your dream job and/or having your own fabulous family...or really whatever you choose to do! don't let up op, go live your dreams!	[removed]	nta. your mother is a supermassive asshole for this: >mom told me that i should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because i have no real social life being paralyzed. what the actual f\*ck? also, it's high time someone told that sister of yours that it's her and her husband's responsibility to find an actual babysitter. as one does, when they choose to have children.	nta. and also, this line killed me. 😂😂😂 > and i’m just about to roll out	nta. no social life huh? so what was the christmas movie extravaganza sleepover you had planned and attended, that they knew you had plans for? your sister needs to take responsibility for her own kids, and family are not automatically babysitters when she needs them. even if you had volunteered your time, at least a day in advance unless it's an emergency is something that would need to be respected. what's her plan for when you're at college? your visits home will be monopolised by babysitting volunteered on your behalf.	nta, your mom was obviously available.	nta. omg i’m so sorry your mother said that to you. don’t believe it!!!!! if it’s possible try and spend more time with friends so you won’t have to listen to crap like that often. sister can hire sitters like normal people do every day. you don’t have much longer til you are college bound and can get away from all of them. can your father help you, surely he won’t appreciate that comment from your mother?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi!! long time reader and first time poster. i’m 18, female, still in highschool (pertinent to the story), paralyzed (also pertinent). my mom is 45. my sister is 28 and has three boys ages 10, 6, and 3. four years ago i was in a car accident and came out paralyzed from the waist down. it has been hell having to learn a new way of life but i haven’t let that stop me. i am going to be going to a college out of state next year, and graduating in the top ten percent in my school if things continue as they are. the one major thing that is a complete bummer out of all of this (other than the obvious) is that my mom thinks that i am now a free babysitter for whenever one of my older brother or sisters needs one. she never consults me on these and expects me to drop plans at the drop of a hat. this past monday i told my parents about a christmas movie extravaganza sleepover my friend has been planning. it’s gonna be three girls and we were planning on making brownies, cookies, watching really cheesy christmas themed romantic movies. and just girl stuff. it was on saturday (yesterday) and my parents said they had no problem with it. yesterday arrived and i’m just about to roll out when my mom comes and says my sister is on her way with her three boys. apparently she asked mom if i could babysit the other day and she said yes. didn’t even bother telling me about it. i said hell no because i already have plans. we fought and mom ended up storming off because this one time i wasn’t backing down. i took the time and left. turning my phone off when i got into my friends car. today when i got home i got called an immature asshole basically. my sister was left without anyone to watch the kids durring her husbands work christmas party. i went back on my word (that i didn’t make). mom told me that i should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because i have no real social life being paralyzed. i just went to my room and cried. but now i’m wondering…am i the asshole like they say i am because i refused to babysit and then left my sister in the lurch?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hi!! long time reader and first time poster. i’m 18, female, still in highschool (pertinent to the story), paralyzed (also pertinent). my mom is 45. my sister is 28 and has three boys ages 10, 6, and 3. four years ago i was in a car accident and came out paralyzed from the waist down. it has been hell having to learn a new way of life but i haven’t let that stop me. i am going to be going to a college out of state next year, and graduating in the top ten percent in my school if things continue as they are. the one major thing that is a complete bummer out of all of this (other than the obvious) is that my mom thinks that i am now a free babysitter for whenever one of my older brother or sisters needs one. she never consults me on these and expects me to drop plans at the drop of a hat. this past monday i told my parents about a christmas movie extravaganza sleepover my friend has been planning. it’s gonna be three girls and we were planning on making brownies, cookies, watching really cheesy christmas themed romantic movies. and just girl stuff. it was on saturday (yesterday) and my parents said they had no problem with it. yesterday arrived and i’m just about to roll out when my mom comes and says my sister is on her way with her three boys. apparently she asked mom if i could babysit the other day and she said yes. didn’t even bother telling me about it. i said hell no because i already have plans. we fought and mom ended up storming off because this one time i wasn’t backing down. i took the time and left. turning my phone off when i got into my friends car. today when i got home i got called an immature asshole basically. my sister was left without anyone to watch the kids durring her husbands work christmas party. i went back on my word (that i didn’t make). mom told me that i should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because i have no real social life being paralyzed. i just went to my room and cried. but now i’m wondering…am i the asshole like they say i am because i refused to babysit and then left my sister in the lurch? [/INST] nta. your family members all suck. if your mom is that concerned about your sister having a babysitter, she can watch the kids herself. </s>
AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to fuck off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?	i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep. after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him. i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita? &#x200b; edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest. edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell.	34,753	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctwk69/aita_for_telling_my_wife_and_inlaws_to_fuck_off/	2019-08-22 12:12:41	nta. the implications of what they're suggesting are horrendous. you cuddle your damn kid. it's lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. they're projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it's bullshit. you shouldn't be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication.	nta it’s a cuddle, not a fondle. just because they are making it sexual doesn’t mean you or your daughter are.	nta: the recent trend of people sexualising perfectly normal behaviour between parents and children is really getting out of hand. they need to realise that they're the ones being perverse and not you. don't blame you at all for reacting the way you did to their frankly disgusting comment.	please, don’t ever tell your daughter that they said this. it will devastate her and potentially cause a wedge in your relationship. because it’s a non-issue between you and her, keep it a non-issue.	nta they're looking wayyy to deep into this. they're sexualising a teenager still enjoying a cuddle with dad. it means you two have a strong comfortable bond and it should be celebrated.	nta. i mean why for gods sake should a father not be allowed to cuddle with his kids? not be allowed to show em that he loves them? and please, don't hit me with that (she is a woman now, its wrong (in a sexual way) if the daughter is okay with it, then its not sexual harassment or anything like that. its the love of a parent for his kid, which awesome af! i mean i'm an 16 year old male, and i still let my family hug and cuddle with me. because i love them. and the only thing it makes me is realize that they love me too. so, clearly not the asshole!	nta i'm 21 fucking years old and if given the chance i will cuddle my dad. why? because i love him. i love him and my mum and i love to kiss and cuddle them whenever i can! cuddles is a love language you both speak! it's platonic intimacy! it's peak mutual bonding! fuck, and i cannot stress this enough, them. you have an actual, mutual, loving bond with your teenage daughter. so many parents would kill for that! i mean, yeah what you said was rude, but don't apologize to them unless they'll apologize back for trying to invalidate your bond with your child. and for perpetuating toxic masculinity. but make sure you only apologize for using the f bomb, they're in the wrong here.	nta that's your daughter!! jeez what they were insinuating was disgusting, what's inappropriate about showing affection to your children? i don't care if they're 5 or 50. if that's the relationship you have with them and they're happy with it, it's no one else's business. i think you were right in your reaction, sometimes the insinuation is so egregious that only a 'fuck you' will do.	nta. let's be real for a moment, everyone freaked out by this is saying it's because you're a dad and she's your daughter. i'd be willing to bet if you were a mother there wouldn't be a conversation to have. at any rate, no it's not weird, it's not creepy, the parent holding their kid and bonding. (not to mention the plethora of chemical reactions that go off in the brain that i can't even begin to get into in one post) people just need to get over themselves.	nta, and if your wife busts your balls about apologizing you should say outright, "do you understand what you're insinuating here? like literally one of the worst things a person can do. you should apologize to me". your reaction was totally appropriate considering what they were suggesting.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep. after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him. i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita? &#x200b; edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest. edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i have 3 kids, 15f, 12f and 7m. my oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because i am too. recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. it was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep. after the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. there was a fair bit of wine involved (i was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my fil let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate i still cuddled with my 15yo. i don't really know why he brought it up suddenly, but i was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. to my surprise, my wife and mil both agreed with him. i have a lot of respect for my in-laws, i get along with them great and i consider them closer than my own parents. obviously i'm quite fond of my wife as well, but i outright told them to "fuck off and go fuck themselves" and then left them and went to bed. i've never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. they all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. aita? &#x200b; edit due to info request: we were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest. edit of my own free will: idk if it's important info, but i didn't yell. [/INST] nta. the implications of what they're suggesting are horrendous. you cuddle your damn kid. it's lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. they're projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it's bullshit. you shouldn't be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication. </s>
AITA for causing chaos in the office with my freakishly large deuce?	i (20m) have an irrational fear of people knowing that i am shitting. a fear which causes me to hold it in longer than usual, resulting in godzilla sized mudpies when finally released. office shits are the worst and i loath the idea of them, but last week i went ahead and did the deed, knowing the possible outcome. it was a triumphant bastard if i've ever seen one. started at the bowl and rising way above the water line. 10/10 clogger, but after 6 flushes and with 5 minute reloads i realised i was making no progress and missing out on work. there was no toilet brush there to poke it away, and i wasn't going to ask hr for plumbing advice. with my heart pounding i made a beeline for the exit, resumed my work and prayed nobody noticed my absence and that the next guy could flush it away.. about an hour later i heard someone chatter about a blockage - my adrenaline started rushing. an office wide email was immediately sent around to address the situation and mentioned how junior members of staff had to clean it up. now the whole company knew and i couldn't have felt worse. i hate that people are labouring over my mess and moreso i hate the idea of people eventually figuring out i'm the one responsible, so i kept quiet. i work data entry for an insurance firm, so people in this office are usually bored out of their fucking minds, but this conversation caused a buzz like i've never seen before. speculation on who did it and hilarious eye witness descriptions have been the topic for days and show no sign of dying down. i initially kept participation to a minimum - overwhelmed with anxiety, but now i've started to settle into a weird sense of pride and joined in the banter. even though no one likes to admit it - it's caused the biggest boost in office morale i've ever seen and the workplace has never been happier. banter is at an all time high and i often hear roars of laughter from across the room on mention of the "situation". i know it was a terrible thing to do, but it worked out quite well honestly and i'm overcoming some personal fears in the course of it. aita? if not, i'm thinking of making this a regular thing.	3,400	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cv1js3/aita_for_causing_chaos_in_the_office_with_my/	2019-08-25 00:39:03	yta, not because you took a large dump, but because you didn't do anything after you knew it was clogged. there probably is a plunger somewhere in your office. if not, they're cheap. everyone's poop stinks. if you need to talk to someone about it, try finding someone who has experience in cleaning or has children.	a literal shitpost?? hmmm shame on you for not saying "shituation". yta. you actually made it so someone else had to clear it. but man, thanks for the chuckle. i can totally see me doing that :p	nta because i bet none of you would of “ went and asked for the supplies to clean up your mess” i call bs on anyone who says they would own up to that. how many times have any of us gone into a public bathroom and walked into a stall only to find it clogged with poop and tp? yeah go and admit it was you my ass ...	yta- but only a little. please bring your poop knife next time.	well, technically the right thing to do in these situations is to talk to building services, explain the situation and ask for the tools so you can clean your mess. that puts you in the the a-hole category, since now someone has to deal with your shit. that being said, it is easier said than done.	[deleted]	nta (this time) dont do it again you’d just be known as the booty bandit or smth if people figure out ur the one detonating those doodies	yta clearly, but you’re also kind of my hero	nta. there was nothing you could do to conquer the beast.	yta. you think making this a funny story will get you off the hook. it doesn't. some poor person had to clean that up and it's really disgusting of you to do that to them. it's not funny however you tell it.	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	null	null	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	0.544638	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20m) have an irrational fear of people knowing that i am shitting. a fear which causes me to hold it in longer than usual, resulting in godzilla sized mudpies when finally released. office shits are the worst and i loath the idea of them, but last week i went ahead and did the deed, knowing the possible outcome. it was a triumphant bastard if i've ever seen one. started at the bowl and rising way above the water line. 10/10 clogger, but after 6 flushes and with 5 minute reloads i realised i was making no progress and missing out on work. there was no toilet brush there to poke it away, and i wasn't going to ask hr for plumbing advice. with my heart pounding i made a beeline for the exit, resumed my work and prayed nobody noticed my absence and that the next guy could flush it away.. about an hour later i heard someone chatter about a blockage - my adrenaline started rushing. an office wide email was immediately sent around to address the situation and mentioned how junior members of staff had to clean it up. now the whole company knew and i couldn't have felt worse. i hate that people are labouring over my mess and moreso i hate the idea of people eventually figuring out i'm the one responsible, so i kept quiet. i work data entry for an insurance firm, so people in this office are usually bored out of their fucking minds, but this conversation caused a buzz like i've never seen before. speculation on who did it and hilarious eye witness descriptions have been the topic for days and show no sign of dying down. i initially kept participation to a minimum - overwhelmed with anxiety, but now i've started to settle into a weird sense of pride and joined in the banter. even though no one likes to admit it - it's caused the biggest boost in office morale i've ever seen and the workplace has never been happier. banter is at an all time high and i often hear roars of laughter from across the room on mention of the "situation". i know it was a terrible thing to do, but it worked out quite well honestly and i'm overcoming some personal fears in the course of it. aita? if not, i'm thinking of making this a regular thing.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> i (20m) have an irrational fear of people knowing that i am shitting. a fear which causes me to hold it in longer than usual, resulting in godzilla sized mudpies when finally released. office shits are the worst and i loath the idea of them, but last week i went ahead and did the deed, knowing the possible outcome. it was a triumphant bastard if i've ever seen one. started at the bowl and rising way above the water line. 10/10 clogger, but after 6 flushes and with 5 minute reloads i realised i was making no progress and missing out on work. there was no toilet brush there to poke it away, and i wasn't going to ask hr for plumbing advice. with my heart pounding i made a beeline for the exit, resumed my work and prayed nobody noticed my absence and that the next guy could flush it away.. about an hour later i heard someone chatter about a blockage - my adrenaline started rushing. an office wide email was immediately sent around to address the situation and mentioned how junior members of staff had to clean it up. now the whole company knew and i couldn't have felt worse. i hate that people are labouring over my mess and moreso i hate the idea of people eventually figuring out i'm the one responsible, so i kept quiet. i work data entry for an insurance firm, so people in this office are usually bored out of their fucking minds, but this conversation caused a buzz like i've never seen before. speculation on who did it and hilarious eye witness descriptions have been the topic for days and show no sign of dying down. i initially kept participation to a minimum - overwhelmed with anxiety, but now i've started to settle into a weird sense of pride and joined in the banter. even though no one likes to admit it - it's caused the biggest boost in office morale i've ever seen and the workplace has never been happier. banter is at an all time high and i often hear roars of laughter from across the room on mention of the "situation". i know it was a terrible thing to do, but it worked out quite well honestly and i'm overcoming some personal fears in the course of it. aita? if not, i'm thinking of making this a regular thing. [/INST] yta, not because you took a large dump, but because you didn't do anything after you knew it was clogged. there probably is a plunger somewhere in your office. if not, they're cheap. everyone's poop stinks. if you need to talk to someone about it, try finding someone who has experience in cleaning or has children. </s>
AITA For not allowing my daughter social media and in turn cutting her off from her friends?	my daughter (13f) is leaving school for the summer soon. she's been going on about getting snapchat for a couple weeks now, and i've consistently said no. last month she tried to make a secret account behind my back which lost her her phone up until recently. she's been getting increasingly desperate, telling me i'm runing her summer. her friends only communicate through snapchat groups, and she's being left out of all their summer plans because she isnt in the group. i simply told her if they werent willing to communicate in other means they weren't true friends and she can do better - she'll be in some clubs over the summer so she can make new friends. these ones obviously arent willing to adapt for her. she hates me, obviously, and has been down in the dumps. my ex has contacted me recently and told me to lighten up, but i told her our daughter has already proven she cant be trusted by going behind my back in the first place. no one seems to be on my side and i'm half tempted to just give in. people chastise you for allowing your teen on social media and then call you abusive when you dont allow it. you cant win. aita? i do know her friends mean a lot to her.	4,549	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vdpx6b/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_social_media/	2022-06-16 16:28:50	yta. slightly. social media isn't something to inherently be feared, but it is something that kids need to be educated about. cutting her off socially from her social circle will only make her get better about hiding things from you in the future and make her feel like she can't have open communication with you.	yta. not heavily, but i was convinced at “if they can’t communicate through other means, you can do better”. that basically infers she should drop a whole group of friends cos they have a social app you don’t want your daughter to have. to that end, snapchat has multiple features that make accounts secure from outsiders, if that’s what’s worrying you. by default all stories and chats are private, between those she has added, so she’d be completely safe as long as she sticks to her group of friends. i understand your concerns, but ultimately this isn’t fair imo.	tbh yta. how would her friends make ‘extra effort’ to contact her. they’re 13 year olds using what is going to be one of the most convenient and universally accessible ways to bring all her friends together. you’ve made your daughter harder to contact, then told her friends not contacting her is because they aren’t real friends and can’t truly like her. there’s far more dangerous social media out there than snapchat, this does nothing but making your daughter feel isolated and not trust you (as you acknowledge they mean a lot to her, but your actions don’t show that)	yta. i’m the byproduct of parents isolating me from my friends and guess what? i’m better at keeping things from them. but i also suffered socially because i got excluded from friend groups because they always said no to even just going to the fucking library. i have terrible social anxiety and basically no friends. i don’t know how to make friends because i was always told that friends don’t exist. on top of that i have abandonment issues and severe depression. you should be teaching your daughter how to safely navigate social media instead of just a hard no.	info: >she's been going on about getting snapchat for a couple weeks now, and i've consistently said no. explain the why behind this, please.	yta and your damaging your relationship with your daughter. you had an opportunity to teach your daughter about moderation and online safety but now all she wants to do is rebel against your wishes and do things behind your back.	yta being unreasonably restrictive over your child is going to make her continue to do things behind your back, further ruining the trust in both of your's relationship. she's old enough to make accounts on social media, but you should take this an oppurtunity to teach her about how to be safe online whilst still being able to use it to stay in touch with friends.	i guess my first question would be why you are against it, before i make a judgement.	info: what other means of communication are available to her? does she have basic texting on her phone, or is it one where you’re not paying for a plan and she relies on wifi?	yta. i don't like it either but this is how young people communicate, regardless of if they are 'true friends' or not. you are doing profound damage to your daughter's social development. you know what you're supposed to do in this situation, how you 'win'? you monitor her social media use, you let her do it while you watch. after all, she's going to get on there eventually whether you like it or not, and you want her to be prepared, right? you wouldn't want her to be a total newbie when she finally gets on there. she needs to learn how to protect herself under your watchful eye. that's responsible parenting. but that's probably too much work for you, huh?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	null	INFO	YTA	0.02053	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (13f) is leaving school for the summer soon. she's been going on about getting snapchat for a couple weeks now, and i've consistently said no. last month she tried to make a secret account behind my back which lost her her phone up until recently. she's been getting increasingly desperate, telling me i'm runing her summer. her friends only communicate through snapchat groups, and she's being left out of all their summer plans because she isnt in the group. i simply told her if they werent willing to communicate in other means they weren't true friends and she can do better - she'll be in some clubs over the summer so she can make new friends. these ones obviously arent willing to adapt for her. she hates me, obviously, and has been down in the dumps. my ex has contacted me recently and told me to lighten up, but i told her our daughter has already proven she cant be trusted by going behind my back in the first place. no one seems to be on my side and i'm half tempted to just give in. people chastise you for allowing your teen on social media and then call you abusive when you dont allow it. you cant win. aita? i do know her friends mean a lot to her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my daughter (13f) is leaving school for the summer soon. she's been going on about getting snapchat for a couple weeks now, and i've consistently said no. last month she tried to make a secret account behind my back which lost her her phone up until recently. she's been getting increasingly desperate, telling me i'm runing her summer. her friends only communicate through snapchat groups, and she's being left out of all their summer plans because she isnt in the group. i simply told her if they werent willing to communicate in other means they weren't true friends and she can do better - she'll be in some clubs over the summer so she can make new friends. these ones obviously arent willing to adapt for her. she hates me, obviously, and has been down in the dumps. my ex has contacted me recently and told me to lighten up, but i told her our daughter has already proven she cant be trusted by going behind my back in the first place. no one seems to be on my side and i'm half tempted to just give in. people chastise you for allowing your teen on social media and then call you abusive when you dont allow it. you cant win. aita? i do know her friends mean a lot to her. [/INST] yta. slightly. social media isn't something to inherently be feared, but it is something that kids need to be educated about. cutting her off socially from her social circle will only make her get better about hiding things from you in the future and make her feel like she can't have open communication with you. </s>
AITA for being mad at my husband for giving me exactly what I've been wanting for years?	throwaway since my husband knows my main account. i've been with my husband for 15 years and for those 15 years, he's had sleep issues. long story short, waking up is extremely hard for him. on days off, he would wake up at 11. on work days, 8 which made him late for meetings at work. it's been a major issue. i'm a morning person and have been by myself every morning of my life for the past 15 years; no morning hikes, no family breakfast, no early day trip possible. we've seen therapists about it. he's seen doctors. there is basically no treatment. he's never lost a job because of it because his schedule is flexible. he's been on unrelated medications for the past month which make him wake up pretty early about half the time. like, even before me. sometimes, i'm grateful for it. he'll start his day, make breakfast, start on some projects.... buy it's also pissing me off. i haven't had a morning conversation for all this time and the second i'm up, he'll start chatting. i try to tell him that i'm still waking up and not up for a conversation but he won't stop. it's mostly when he wakes up crazy early during the work week that i don't want to talk. if it's the weekend, sure... i'll chat. more slowly that he wants, however. aita for wanting some peace and silence in the morning after bugging him for years about waking up early?	3,480	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8xz5z/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_husband_for_giving_me/	2020-08-13 11:10:21	yta some people you just can’t please.	lmaoooo nah it’s just going to take some getting used to. it’s been 15 years with peaceful solo mornings, and now all of a sudden he’s chipper as shit. he needs to figure out how to be a morning person, and you need to figure out how to share your morning space. try communicating about it sometime during mid afternoon when you’re both in the headspace for it. you’ll be fine :) this one made me laugh a little bit as i’m sitting here awake at 7am waiting for my boyfriend to wake up... which will of course be just as his morning meeting starts for work, hahah thanks :)	yta he’s spent 15 years hearing you bitch and moan only to fix it and have you bitch and moan some more.	yta, i think it's a case of be careful what you wish for! channel it, arrange these hikes and adventures you've always wanted!	nah. i think you just need to have a conversation with him about it. i think, if i'm understanding correctly, you wanted him to be sleeping better (a) and then (b) waking up at a reasonable time to enjoy more of the day. you weren't expecting deep conversations at early hours when your brain hasnt fully woken up yet (i'm not much of a conversation person at 6am - i'm a big fan of one word responses or grunting noises at that time) it's great that he's taken his health seriously and has changed medications. now you can do a lot more with that new found time. but just talk to him about the need to ease into conversations when it's the morning.	nah but people like you are not actually “morning people.” my ex did the same thing to me. we’d wake up then she’d resent me for talking. she also used to carpool with her roommate and when he would play podcasts or listen to npr the talking of that bothered her too. just because you wake up early doesn’t make your a morning person. i stay up late but since i’m not a night owl i’m not doing shit after 8pm unless i get a couple days notice haha	lol i’m just here smiling because this is such a nice problem compared to the rest of the sub. seems like you two have a great relationship. it’s all about setting expectations. he’s aware of the expectations you’ve had for 15yrs and you’ve been adjusting to/living with your expectations unmet! it makes sense that when he can meet the ones you’ve set (albeit ages ago) he will try to do so and take a while to adjust to your new expectations. however it totally makes sense that you would have adjusted your expectations after years of them being unmet! nah	nah. first off, there’s a difference between wanting to have breakfast together or leave early for a day trip and i want someone staring at me having an in depth conversation 3 minutes after i wake up. i’d suggest getting up and taking a shower or “using the bathroom”. give yourself a bit of time to wake up and adjust. you’ll probably do better as time goes on but your routine changing overnight is allowed to throw you for a loop. and your husband is now up early and had time to himself by the time you wake. so it’s normal he wants to talk. just let him know you need 15 minutes to fully wake up.	god forbid any of these people in the comments ever get yammered to the second they wake up, and are then expected to be absolutely delighted about it. nah, sit him down and talk about maybe giving you time to at least wake up.	yta for bugging him for years when it's clear he can't do anything to fix it. you're also ta if you're expressing anger towards him for simply being awake early and talking to you in the mornings.	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	YTA	0.595226	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway since my husband knows my main account. i've been with my husband for 15 years and for those 15 years, he's had sleep issues. long story short, waking up is extremely hard for him. on days off, he would wake up at 11. on work days, 8 which made him late for meetings at work. it's been a major issue. i'm a morning person and have been by myself every morning of my life for the past 15 years; no morning hikes, no family breakfast, no early day trip possible. we've seen therapists about it. he's seen doctors. there is basically no treatment. he's never lost a job because of it because his schedule is flexible. he's been on unrelated medications for the past month which make him wake up pretty early about half the time. like, even before me. sometimes, i'm grateful for it. he'll start his day, make breakfast, start on some projects.... buy it's also pissing me off. i haven't had a morning conversation for all this time and the second i'm up, he'll start chatting. i try to tell him that i'm still waking up and not up for a conversation but he won't stop. it's mostly when he wakes up crazy early during the work week that i don't want to talk. if it's the weekend, sure... i'll chat. more slowly that he wants, however. aita for wanting some peace and silence in the morning after bugging him for years about waking up early?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway since my husband knows my main account. i've been with my husband for 15 years and for those 15 years, he's had sleep issues. long story short, waking up is extremely hard for him. on days off, he would wake up at 11. on work days, 8 which made him late for meetings at work. it's been a major issue. i'm a morning person and have been by myself every morning of my life for the past 15 years; no morning hikes, no family breakfast, no early day trip possible. we've seen therapists about it. he's seen doctors. there is basically no treatment. he's never lost a job because of it because his schedule is flexible. he's been on unrelated medications for the past month which make him wake up pretty early about half the time. like, even before me. sometimes, i'm grateful for it. he'll start his day, make breakfast, start on some projects.... buy it's also pissing me off. i haven't had a morning conversation for all this time and the second i'm up, he'll start chatting. i try to tell him that i'm still waking up and not up for a conversation but he won't stop. it's mostly when he wakes up crazy early during the work week that i don't want to talk. if it's the weekend, sure... i'll chat. more slowly that he wants, however. aita for wanting some peace and silence in the morning after bugging him for years about waking up early? [/INST] yta some people you just can’t please. </s>
AITA for refusing to take my friends package with me internationally without opening and checking it first?	final	24,308	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oy5pa1/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_friends_package_with/	2021-08-05 00:00:46	nta - major red flag. don't fucking do it.	nta > she told me i’m being selfish and paranoid "paranoid" is exactly what any reasonable person should be in this super-sketchy situation.	nta. customs asks if you’ve packed everything yourself. you would either have to: 1. admit that you hadn’t and they’d open it in front of you 2. or lie (which is a crime) and say that you had, at which point your sweat, twitchy eyes or guilty voice would give it away and they’d open it in front of you	nta. that’s how you get sent to prison. customs would have opened it anyway.	nta. under no circumstances should you ever, and i do mean ever, take a package for anyone without seeing what is in it with your own eyes and then packing it immediately after.	nta - your friend's reaction should tell you everything you need to know - she's not your friend and she's going to get you f*** over international and that s* is serious jail time	nta she can mail it if she doesn’t want you to know what’s in it.	[deleted]	i would open the package for a domestic flight. an international flight is even riskier. so don't talk to her. works for everybody.	nta, the rules at an airport say dont take things for other people if you dont know what it is. you could unknowingly be a mule and get arrested. you made a reasonable request and were gaslighted by your friend, you arent the ah, your friend is. if she wanted something sent without going thru it she can have it delivered herself thru the mail, dhl, ups, fedex, etc...	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: final	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> final [/INST] nta - major red flag. don't fucking do it. </s>
AITA my nephews missed a flight because they wouldn't put their seat belts on?	my brother is working and he asked me to take his nephews, 13 and 15 year olds to the airport to fly to their grandparents. i picked them up and i drive off, i then got the annoying car notification telling me their seatbelts aren't on. i told them to put the seatbelts on and they refused. i told them i don't care, it's like a 500 dollar fine to drive a minor without a seat belt on or something in california. they kept being spoiled brats saying they don't need to and dad let's then not wear seatbelts. i said i don't care, i won't drive until they wear their seatbelt. they kept whining they're going to miss the flight, i said that's their problem. they called their dad who starts yelling at them telling them to wear it. they do eventually so we drive but we get stuck in traffic and miss the flight. my brother is fucking pissed saying it's my fault for just not driving them. we waited about an hour before they decided to put their belt on.	18,936	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9n3gq/aita_my_nephews_missed_a_flight_because_they/	2021-08-22 23:03:53	nta. the missed flight is definitely on his kids…they’re way too old for this to have happened.	lol, nta. what a couple of punks. you did the right thing, you could have gotten in trouble or endangered their lives. and would your brother have paid your ticket? of course not? would he be pissed at you if they got injured in the car? of course he would.	nta. the kids were being brats (aka little ahs) & their dad is the ah. they most definitely need to wear their seatbelts. their dad never enforcing that is an issue, and then missing their flight is the consequence of that. besides: you were the responsible adult in this situation. you weren’t doing anything to put them in danger (just the opposite). they were under your care & needed to follow your rules. hopefully they learned a lesson here.	nta. i was six when i was upside down, seat-belted in the backseat, spinning down i-10*, east of dallas after a ten-point buck ran across the interstate and nearly killed us. my sister, my mom and i literally wouldn’t be alive today if we hadn’t been wearing seatbelts. because we were, the car was totaled, the hospital thought we were going to be d.o.a. but my mom had a cut on her nose that needed stitches from glass from the windshield when we crashed in the median and knocked down a young oak tree. you are absolutely not the asshole. and anyone who doesn’t wear a seatbelt and doesn’t enforce seatbelt use absolutely is.	nta but bro and the dad are . you're not obligated to pay a fine for the dad's bad decisions, especially because i doubt that neither the dad or your bro would have paid you back for those tickets. *	nta were they planning on doing the same thing on the plane, telling the air crew that their dad doesn't make them wear seatbelts so they don't have to? hope they learned something.	nta they are the sole reason they missed their flight. you were simply being responsible. in addition to the fine, there’s a huge safety issue at play. i’m assuming you had to take a highway. i would not imagine being on a highway without a seatbelt. i can’t believe your brothers anger is so misdirected at you. 100% their fault.	nta. they’re old enough to put on their damn seatbelts. so what if their dad doesn’t make them wear them? dad wasn’t driving, you were. if you would have been pulled over you would have been the one ticketed not them, not dad. i think you were perfectly reasonable waiting for them to buckle up. your car, your rules.	nta. i find it so hard to imagine these scenarios. mouthing off to your parents is part of being a teenager, but if your aunt (or anyone other than your parents) is telling you to do something, you do it. i'm not saying you're lying or anything, i just can't honestly imagine kids - nor teens - acting this way. my son would have had la chancla whizzing towards his forehead before he could even start arguing.	nta. you were completely in the right here. first of all, it is the law. second, if you were caught, you are the one who is held liable. third, it is your car, therefore it is your rules. it is entirely irrelevant what their father lets them do when in his car. they aren't in his car. you had to wait for an hour before they would put on the seat belts? that is beyond crazy! that means you would have left in plenty of time to catch the flight if the kids if they hadn't been acting like entitled brats.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother is working and he asked me to take his nephews, 13 and 15 year olds to the airport to fly to their grandparents. i picked them up and i drive off, i then got the annoying car notification telling me their seatbelts aren't on. i told them to put the seatbelts on and they refused. i told them i don't care, it's like a 500 dollar fine to drive a minor without a seat belt on or something in california. they kept being spoiled brats saying they don't need to and dad let's then not wear seatbelts. i said i don't care, i won't drive until they wear their seatbelt. they kept whining they're going to miss the flight, i said that's their problem. they called their dad who starts yelling at them telling them to wear it. they do eventually so we drive but we get stuck in traffic and miss the flight. my brother is fucking pissed saying it's my fault for just not driving them. we waited about an hour before they decided to put their belt on.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my brother is working and he asked me to take his nephews, 13 and 15 year olds to the airport to fly to their grandparents. i picked them up and i drive off, i then got the annoying car notification telling me their seatbelts aren't on. i told them to put the seatbelts on and they refused. i told them i don't care, it's like a 500 dollar fine to drive a minor without a seat belt on or something in california. they kept being spoiled brats saying they don't need to and dad let's then not wear seatbelts. i said i don't care, i won't drive until they wear their seatbelt. they kept whining they're going to miss the flight, i said that's their problem. they called their dad who starts yelling at them telling them to wear it. they do eventually so we drive but we get stuck in traffic and miss the flight. my brother is fucking pissed saying it's my fault for just not driving them. we waited about an hour before they decided to put their belt on. [/INST] nta. the missed flight is definitely on his kids…they’re way too old for this to have happened. </s>
AITA for telling a cleaner that I hired to clean more space than I listed	update 3: lots of yta intitially, nta afterwards, just clarifying 1 thing, this was checked by commentators below for the app i used, indeed i did pay per hour, not per room or sq ft. im not making that up or lying and if you see the name below you can check for yourself. (repost letter count) tldr: i hired a cleaner for a certain number of hours, i lied about the size of the house because i only wanted him to clean the bottom floor (so it hired him for 4 hours), he cleaned it so quickly so there is time to work on the upstairs but he is angry that there are more bedrooms and bathrooms than listed, even tho ive told him he doesnt have to finish it all, only the time i hired him for. so, i used an app to pay for a cleaner to come today, its something me and my siblings do when we use our parents house when they travel (we are between the ages of 17 - 22 so we can pull together enough money for it) and when they are away, we have more freinds over than usual, might have a house party. they are extremely strict about having a pristinely clean house, like more than most people, so we respect that and we clean as much as we can. but hiring a proffesional with their tools and solutions really helps. its really important that they clean the downstairs floor extremely well, like the living room, kitchen, bathroom etc. i didnt want to hire them for the bedrooms or upstairs bathrooms we can do that ourselves. but this is the first time using this app for hiring and instead of choosing the hours that you want, you have to input the number of bedrooms and bathrooms that you have and the app decides the amount of hours it will send the cleaner for. i played around with it so that it gave me a 4 hour option, so i diddnt input the amount of bathrooms and bedrooms that we actually have or it would've have hired the cleaner for much longer. so it comes to this morning and i realise, that the house is really clean, this time my parents went away, we diddnt really have anyone over as usual, the downstairs bathroom was barely touched, we diddnt use the kitchen much, but i wasnt going to cancel obviously. the cleaner arrives, i explain to him how important that the downstairs area is prristine, all the mirrors floor etc. so if he has time, he can move onto the areas but no pressure on the upstairs just go through the downstairs. hes done downstairs in less than 90 minutes, thats another 2 and a half hours left, so i take him upstairs and show him the bathrooms and bedrooms and he gets really angry, he says "this is not fine, its not what you listed" i explained like i did when he arrived earlier, that the only important area was downstairs, and to do as much of the upstairs as he has time for. hes still huffing and getting annoyed saying that what i did was wrong but ive explained that he only needs to clean for the time i hired him for and then leave. even if its not finished upstairs but hes still not happy.	5,048	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b25l7c/aita_for_telling_a_cleaner_that_i_hired_to_clean/	2019-03-17 14:18:05	yta twice over. you just posted this. you tried to scam the app. those hours are calculated a certain way for a reason.	yta i used to be a house keeper, we schedule our day based on the size of houses and it doesn't sound like you even had a good reason to lie you just did.	yta you are trying to get an employee to break their company’s policy and run the risk of being fired just because he’s good at his job and finished faster than average. if he did what you paid him for (cleaning certain rooms, not cleaning for a certain amount of time), and he did a good job of it, then transaction over. just take this as a lesson, and keep that in mind the next time you are considering hiring a cleaner.	yta for lying about the job you hired him to do.	yta if you want to hire someone for 4 hours that's different than "i want 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom house cleaned". it's like the difference between hiring a person to paint your living room and hiring someone to work for you for 6 hours of painting. if the guy you hired to paint the livingroom is done in 3 hours you don't get to tell him well now paint the kitchen you have time. you're hiring someone to do a specific task not for an amount of time. people are accepting jobs from those apps based on what you imputed, you have to come to an agreement about what you actually want before they come to your house. the cleaner has every right not to accept "i want someone to clean for 4 hours" v "i want a specific task done" find an app that lets you input hours to work or call the cleaner directly. by waiting until they arrive to inform them of the work you really want done you have cost them money; they may have turned down other work, they had to travel to your house and they may have turned down other work and they may have paid a fee to the app. you took away their ability to negotiate an acceptable price by significantly changing the scope of work once they arrive.	yta - we are between the ages of 17 - 22 so we can pull together enough money for it) and when they are away, we have more freinds over than usual, might have a house party. they are extremely strict about having a pristinely clean house, like more than most people, so we respect that and we clean as much as we can, but its really helpful to have a proffesional come in with more tools and cleaning solutions then we have in the house. reading between the lines, op and their siblings have house parties that their 'strict' parents are not ok with. in order to cover up the fact that they had a house party without permission they hired a professional cleaner to cover for them. op can't actually afford to pay said cleaner at the correct rate so lied in the hopes they could get more work out of them than what they were paying him.	guys n gals.... upvote the asshole posts so they rise. yta i dont even have to read your explanation, just based on the title alone ill give my verdict. you hire a company/person to do a job, you compensate them for said job, if you want additional work it needs to go through the proper channels to be cleared and approved. if you took your car in for an oil change and the mechanic brought it back to you with a lot of extra work added and expected you to pay for it you'd be pissed. you were inconsiderate of that person's time.	yta. you didn't like his attitude? you shouldn't have given him an attitude to begin with. he came to clean what was listed and not what wasn't listed. of fucking course it's not alright to make him clean more than what was being said. and then you have the audacity to wonder why he gets mad? seriously? get over yourself. it's pretty much attempted scam as well. sure the app said he'd be sent over to clean this and that for whatever amount of time. but from the sounds of it he's paid for what he cleans and not for how long he cleans. he won't be the only one getting mad over something like that.	yta, stop arguing and accept your judgement.	yta. imagine you're at work, getting paid for a 9 to 5 job but with very explicit expectations about what you are expected to get done in a day's work in your job description. imagine that you finish the entire day's allotted work by 2 pm because you're more efficient than your coworkers. because of this your boss gives you extra work not in your job description just to make you fill the extra 3 hours, which is work you were very clearly not employed to do. any reasonable person would be mad about this, because they are being, in essence, punished for being efficient with extra work their coworkers are not expected to do. this is exactly analogous to your situation and you are the unreasonable boss in this scenario.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update 3: lots of yta intitially, nta afterwards, just clarifying 1 thing, this was checked by commentators below for the app i used, indeed i did pay per hour, not per room or sq ft. im not making that up or lying and if you see the name below you can check for yourself. (repost letter count) tldr: i hired a cleaner for a certain number of hours, i lied about the size of the house because i only wanted him to clean the bottom floor (so it hired him for 4 hours), he cleaned it so quickly so there is time to work on the upstairs but he is angry that there are more bedrooms and bathrooms than listed, even tho ive told him he doesnt have to finish it all, only the time i hired him for. so, i used an app to pay for a cleaner to come today, its something me and my siblings do when we use our parents house when they travel (we are between the ages of 17 - 22 so we can pull together enough money for it) and when they are away, we have more freinds over than usual, might have a house party. they are extremely strict about having a pristinely clean house, like more than most people, so we respect that and we clean as much as we can. but hiring a proffesional with their tools and solutions really helps. its really important that they clean the downstairs floor extremely well, like the living room, kitchen, bathroom etc. i didnt want to hire them for the bedrooms or upstairs bathrooms we can do that ourselves. but this is the first time using this app for hiring and instead of choosing the hours that you want, you have to input the number of bedrooms and bathrooms that you have and the app decides the amount of hours it will send the cleaner for. i played around with it so that it gave me a 4 hour option, so i diddnt input the amount of bathrooms and bedrooms that we actually have or it would've have hired the cleaner for much longer. so it comes to this morning and i realise, that the house is really clean, this time my parents went away, we diddnt really have anyone over as usual, the downstairs bathroom was barely touched, we diddnt use the kitchen much, but i wasnt going to cancel obviously. the cleaner arrives, i explain to him how important that the downstairs area is prristine, all the mirrors floor etc. so if he has time, he can move onto the areas but no pressure on the upstairs just go through the downstairs. hes done downstairs in less than 90 minutes, thats another 2 and a half hours left, so i take him upstairs and show him the bathrooms and bedrooms and he gets really angry, he says "this is not fine, its not what you listed" i explained like i did when he arrived earlier, that the only important area was downstairs, and to do as much of the upstairs as he has time for. hes still huffing and getting annoyed saying that what i did was wrong but ive explained that he only needs to clean for the time i hired him for and then leave. even if its not finished upstairs but hes still not happy.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> update 3: lots of yta intitially, nta afterwards, just clarifying 1 thing, this was checked by commentators below for the app i used, indeed i did pay per hour, not per room or sq ft. im not making that up or lying and if you see the name below you can check for yourself. (repost letter count) tldr: i hired a cleaner for a certain number of hours, i lied about the size of the house because i only wanted him to clean the bottom floor (so it hired him for 4 hours), he cleaned it so quickly so there is time to work on the upstairs but he is angry that there are more bedrooms and bathrooms than listed, even tho ive told him he doesnt have to finish it all, only the time i hired him for. so, i used an app to pay for a cleaner to come today, its something me and my siblings do when we use our parents house when they travel (we are between the ages of 17 - 22 so we can pull together enough money for it) and when they are away, we have more freinds over than usual, might have a house party. they are extremely strict about having a pristinely clean house, like more than most people, so we respect that and we clean as much as we can. but hiring a proffesional with their tools and solutions really helps. its really important that they clean the downstairs floor extremely well, like the living room, kitchen, bathroom etc. i didnt want to hire them for the bedrooms or upstairs bathrooms we can do that ourselves. but this is the first time using this app for hiring and instead of choosing the hours that you want, you have to input the number of bedrooms and bathrooms that you have and the app decides the amount of hours it will send the cleaner for. i played around with it so that it gave me a 4 hour option, so i diddnt input the amount of bathrooms and bedrooms that we actually have or it would've have hired the cleaner for much longer. so it comes to this morning and i realise, that the house is really clean, this time my parents went away, we diddnt really have anyone over as usual, the downstairs bathroom was barely touched, we diddnt use the kitchen much, but i wasnt going to cancel obviously. the cleaner arrives, i explain to him how important that the downstairs area is prristine, all the mirrors floor etc. so if he has time, he can move onto the areas but no pressure on the upstairs just go through the downstairs. hes done downstairs in less than 90 minutes, thats another 2 and a half hours left, so i take him upstairs and show him the bathrooms and bedrooms and he gets really angry, he says "this is not fine, its not what you listed" i explained like i did when he arrived earlier, that the only important area was downstairs, and to do as much of the upstairs as he has time for. hes still huffing and getting annoyed saying that what i did was wrong but ive explained that he only needs to clean for the time i hired him for and then leave. even if its not finished upstairs but hes still not happy. [/INST] yta twice over. you just posted this. you tried to scam the app. those hours are calculated a certain way for a reason. </s>
AITA for reporting my son’s terrible school bus driver?	my son is 14 years old and severely autistic. the school that he goes to does not provide school busses just for special needs children, so he rides the same bus as the rest of the other kids in our neighborhood. the school year started two weeks ago and this is the first time he’s been riding the bus. in the years past, i drove him to and from school, but with my schedule this year, just dropping off and picking him up from the bus stop is much more convenient. two weeks ago, on the first day of school, i introduced myself to the bus driver and asked that he keep the bus as quiet as possible, since loud noises lead to my son getting upset or having meltdowns. he said he would “try his best”. that afternoon, my son became agitated during the bus ride home and refused to get off the bus at his stop. i had to get on the bus and calm him down in order to get him off. the bus driver glared at me as we were getting off the bus, and i said “if you’re going to be mad at anybody, it should be yourself. i told you to keep the bus quiet.” after that, every morning and afternoon the bus driver glares/frowns at me. in contrast, he greets all the other kids and their parents in a very cheerful and friendly way. i called the school and told them about the bus driver being so rude, and they said they would “look into it.” after a couple more days, he hadn’t stopped with the dirty looks, so i called a few more times and they said that “nobody has ever had any problems with that bus driver and many people say that he’s the best one at the school” (which i sincerely doubt). i mentioned the issue to my neighbor, who has two children that ride the same bus as my son, and she said that i am completely unreasonable, that the bus driver is “the nicest guy you’ll ever meet“ and that her children say my son is “extremely disruptive” on the bus and that she thinks he shouldn’t be riding the bus. obviously this made me angry, because my son has just as much of a right to ride the bus as her kids. aita?	7,112	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqctxj/aita_for_reporting_my_sons_terrible_school_bus/	2019-08-14 17:24:09	yta. you're asking a bus driver to somehow keep an entire bus full of school children quiet, while driving, just for your child? no. i empathize, as i'm sure raising a severely autistic child is no picnic, but it isn't reasonable to ask everyone to cater your your child's needs. if he can't be on a bus without having a meltdown, stop making him take the bus. either drive him, find someone else to drive him, or get him a cab/uber.	i would honestly say yta. your son has a disability, and you’re putting him in a situation where he has no choice but to be agitated! this bus driver is not specialized in dealing with autistic children. buses full of kids are loud, chaotic and annoying. that’s just how normal school bus rides are. but you know your son is not able to function normally in such a situation yet you’re blaming the driver? you are the one who put your son there. if you need better accommodation, find it but don’t dump your responsibility on someone else. it’s not the bus drivers fault your son is loud and agitated, which by default upsets everyone else on the bus. you sound like an entitled parent	yta - like super yta. look i get that your son gets upset about loud noises but how the ever-loving-fuck would the bus driver keep a school bus library levels of quiet without a cattle prod. also do you think for a second that the other kids are going to be cool to your son knowing he is the reason they are being limited in their actions? maybe that isn't fair but that is the world we live in. >i called the school and told them about the bus driver being so rude so we are clear, you were the asshole for even expecting that was possible. (like what did you want him to actually do?) then you blamed him for something he has no control over - class move. then you called his bosses and tried to get him fired for your perceived injuries>!!>@<?? holy shit...you must be a joy. >her children say my son is “extremely disruptive” on the bus and that she thinks he shouldn’t be riding the bus. honestly it sounds like it is not a good fit for anyone - time to find different accommodations... or maybe you should call your neighbor's so and try to get them divorced for daring to mention something you don't want to hear? /s &#x200b;	yta. you asked a bus driver to keep and entire bus full of teenagers quiet for your son? so you wanted everyone on the bus to change how they act for one person. insane. yta for getting mad at him and telling him that it was his fault. wow, i cannot believe the entitlement here.	yta you don't know why your son became agitated on that bus ride, but you automatically blamed the driver for not being able to keep the volume to an acceptable level on a bus full of kids. it's unreasonable to expect this and complaining cuz your kid isn't getting special treatment by a bus driver is a total karen move	excuse me, _what_ ? i hope this is fake. yta. i am big on inclusion of the neurodiverse, but keeping a large group of teenagers quiet is an impossible task, especially if your job is to focus on driving. the situation of special needs families sucks and i am well aware of that, but if your son is unfit to take the regular school bus unattended, the bus driver can't do anything about that. don't blame him for being unable to do the impossible.	yta, the man drives a bus full of middle schoolers. do you happen to remember what that was like? he couldn’t keep them quiet if he tried, it’s like a cage full of baby monkeys. he has to drive too, he can’t pull over every time a kid is loud, they have to get to school. often bus drivers are straight up not allowed to discipline kids. your kid has the right to ride a bus, but expecting the driver and 30+ children to bow to your behavioral expectations is unreasonable.	yta. it's a school bus. it's going to be loud. you're entitled to have your kid ride it. you're not entitled to a quiet ride and you absolutely suck for blaming your son's behavior on the bus driver. give me a break, his job is to transport the kids safely from point a to point b. his ability to control their behavior is extremely limited and you're being entirely unreasonable. get over yourself or arrange alternative transportation.	yta. get your kid some noise-canceling headphones. there's no way one man who's in charge of driving a huge vehicle with rowdy people safely can also make sure they stay quiet for the sake of one child. though i understand that you'd bend over backwards for your own child, that's hard to expect a bunch of teenagers to do the same, and may cause him to be the target of bullying, however quiet.	yta. this bus driver is clearly doing his job well as evident from the praise from the other parents. a bus is a loud nosy environment. there is no possible way he could make it not one. even if he could he really doesn't get paid enough for all the extra work it would take to snap at him so rudely and tell him it's his fault is unbelievable. you either need to sue the school for better busing (which they are required to give) or find a solution for your son (ie noise canceling headphones) this man is underpaided and driving a bus of preteens.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is 14 years old and severely autistic. the school that he goes to does not provide school busses just for special needs children, so he rides the same bus as the rest of the other kids in our neighborhood. the school year started two weeks ago and this is the first time he’s been riding the bus. in the years past, i drove him to and from school, but with my schedule this year, just dropping off and picking him up from the bus stop is much more convenient. two weeks ago, on the first day of school, i introduced myself to the bus driver and asked that he keep the bus as quiet as possible, since loud noises lead to my son getting upset or having meltdowns. he said he would “try his best”. that afternoon, my son became agitated during the bus ride home and refused to get off the bus at his stop. i had to get on the bus and calm him down in order to get him off. the bus driver glared at me as we were getting off the bus, and i said “if you’re going to be mad at anybody, it should be yourself. i told you to keep the bus quiet.” after that, every morning and afternoon the bus driver glares/frowns at me. in contrast, he greets all the other kids and their parents in a very cheerful and friendly way. i called the school and told them about the bus driver being so rude, and they said they would “look into it.” after a couple more days, he hadn’t stopped with the dirty looks, so i called a few more times and they said that “nobody has ever had any problems with that bus driver and many people say that he’s the best one at the school” (which i sincerely doubt). i mentioned the issue to my neighbor, who has two children that ride the same bus as my son, and she said that i am completely unreasonable, that the bus driver is “the nicest guy you’ll ever meet“ and that her children say my son is “extremely disruptive” on the bus and that she thinks he shouldn’t be riding the bus. obviously this made me angry, because my son has just as much of a right to ride the bus as her kids. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my son is 14 years old and severely autistic. the school that he goes to does not provide school busses just for special needs children, so he rides the same bus as the rest of the other kids in our neighborhood. the school year started two weeks ago and this is the first time he’s been riding the bus. in the years past, i drove him to and from school, but with my schedule this year, just dropping off and picking him up from the bus stop is much more convenient. two weeks ago, on the first day of school, i introduced myself to the bus driver and asked that he keep the bus as quiet as possible, since loud noises lead to my son getting upset or having meltdowns. he said he would “try his best”. that afternoon, my son became agitated during the bus ride home and refused to get off the bus at his stop. i had to get on the bus and calm him down in order to get him off. the bus driver glared at me as we were getting off the bus, and i said “if you’re going to be mad at anybody, it should be yourself. i told you to keep the bus quiet.” after that, every morning and afternoon the bus driver glares/frowns at me. in contrast, he greets all the other kids and their parents in a very cheerful and friendly way. i called the school and told them about the bus driver being so rude, and they said they would “look into it.” after a couple more days, he hadn’t stopped with the dirty looks, so i called a few more times and they said that “nobody has ever had any problems with that bus driver and many people say that he’s the best one at the school” (which i sincerely doubt). i mentioned the issue to my neighbor, who has two children that ride the same bus as my son, and she said that i am completely unreasonable, that the bus driver is “the nicest guy you’ll ever meet“ and that her children say my son is “extremely disruptive” on the bus and that she thinks he shouldn’t be riding the bus. obviously this made me angry, because my son has just as much of a right to ride the bus as her kids. aita? [/INST] yta. you're asking a bus driver to somehow keep an entire bus full of school children quiet, while driving, just for your child? no. i empathize, as i'm sure raising a severely autistic child is no picnic, but it isn't reasonable to ask everyone to cater your your child's needs. if he can't be on a bus without having a meltdown, stop making him take the bus. either drive him, find someone else to drive him, or get him a cab/uber. </s>
AITA for asking boyfriend why he packed condoms for a trip he's taking without me?	sadly this is a serious question. in an exclusive (not open) relationship for 8 months. bf [30s] is leaving abroad for 3 weeks and invited me [also 30s] over last night since it was the last time we'd see each other for a while. he wasn't done packing for the trip, so there was stuff everywhere. i saw the condoms in his clear ziploc bag (note: plainly visible, i did not open or snoop through anything) of toiletries so of course i asked about them. his response was that he always keeps them in there and didn't bother taking them out for the trip. reddit, i watched him combine otc meds from two bottles into one bottle to save space on this trip. i don't think anything in his bag is in there by "accident." but now he's giving me the silent treatment and acting like i ruined new year's for asking this. aita for being (and remaining) suspicious of this?	18,338	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/abiar4/aita_for_asking_boyfriend_why_he_packed_condoms/	2019-01-01 13:47:56	nta and you're completely correct to be concern that he's going to cheat on you during the trip.	nta. he packed the condoms, and if it was a genuine oversight, why not remove them when you inquired? couple that with the silent treatment and i can’t see how you can fully trust what he tells you about his trip.	nta he is preparing for a “maybe”. i’ve been married for 23 years now and go away for a week at a time for work, i have never brought condoms, there is no need, that’s like bringing bear spray on a diving trip “just in case”	if he got mad and overly defensive then he was definitely going to cheat. he did it so that he didn’t have to explain himself. i’m a guy but even i can say that men can be sneaky assholes.	op, it sounds like he’s gaslighting you. intentionally twisting the truth and then becoming overly defensive and trying to convince you that you ruined new year’s by doubting him. if it truly were an oversight, he could have just removed the condoms and explained that it was an accident and moved on. instead, he (seemingly) put the evidence right in front of you, told you a bald-faced lie, and is now trying to turn it on you. it’s very common abusive behavior. i would take some time to re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend, because gaslighting is very often a gateway for more abusive behavior.	nta. i'm 99% sure he intended to cheat on you during the trip maybe he did accidentally pack them... unlikely	nta. what the fuckity fuck fuck? he's throwing it right in your face! he could have easily bought them when he got to where he was going. girl, shine up that spine and lose that piece of shit!	ask him if you can borrow some of his condoms while he is away.	nta. he should understand why you'd want to know--the fact that he is giving you the silent treatment is what's really suspicious. i don't usually say "dump him!" but...come on. he's trying to make you question yourself, when what you asked him was perfectly reasonable. don't question yourself, you were totally justified.	nta are these toiletries like prepackaged? so you’re telling me he’s had this pre packaged set of toiletries from since he’s started dating you and has now coincidentially picked that set (assuming there’s multiple.)????? nah he’s premeditated and planned to cheat on you and the silent treatment was from the guilt of being that type of guy. also being so stupid to not hide that. if you really think there’s an explanation other than he was planning to get some hook ups and premeditated it so much that he made sure to pack condoms than you’re an asshole to yourself. dudes a fluke cut the snake it’s 2019.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sadly this is a serious question. in an exclusive (not open) relationship for 8 months. bf [30s] is leaving abroad for 3 weeks and invited me [also 30s] over last night since it was the last time we'd see each other for a while. he wasn't done packing for the trip, so there was stuff everywhere. i saw the condoms in his clear ziploc bag (note: plainly visible, i did not open or snoop through anything) of toiletries so of course i asked about them. his response was that he always keeps them in there and didn't bother taking them out for the trip. reddit, i watched him combine otc meds from two bottles into one bottle to save space on this trip. i don't think anything in his bag is in there by "accident." but now he's giving me the silent treatment and acting like i ruined new year's for asking this. aita for being (and remaining) suspicious of this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> sadly this is a serious question. in an exclusive (not open) relationship for 8 months. bf [30s] is leaving abroad for 3 weeks and invited me [also 30s] over last night since it was the last time we'd see each other for a while. he wasn't done packing for the trip, so there was stuff everywhere. i saw the condoms in his clear ziploc bag (note: plainly visible, i did not open or snoop through anything) of toiletries so of course i asked about them. his response was that he always keeps them in there and didn't bother taking them out for the trip. reddit, i watched him combine otc meds from two bottles into one bottle to save space on this trip. i don't think anything in his bag is in there by "accident." but now he's giving me the silent treatment and acting like i ruined new year's for asking this. aita for being (and remaining) suspicious of this? [/INST] nta and you're completely correct to be concern that he's going to cheat on you during the trip. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that it was embarrassing that the house was a mess when I had guests over?	relevant context: i (m, 36) am the breadwinner, my wife is a sahm. we have 3 kids so the house is a little too messy often times. my wife does her best to keep up with the cleaning and keeping the house tidy and i feel for her, i really do so i told her she doesn't have to clean up all the time since the kids are running up and down all day and making huge messes, i did tell her that she only has to make sure the house is clean when we have guests over and she agreed with me. well, the other day i brought over some friends from work and when i opened the door all i could see was an utter mess, food and toys and clutter everywhere. i was shocked i was embarrassed and just mortified that my friends saw my home looking like this. also i have a couple of guys who came over for the first time so the first impression must've been horrible to them. i took the guests into the least messy part of the house and my friends kept giving me weird looks and making indirect comments about the state of home. i was livid, i waited til they left then went into the bedroom to see that my wife was actually sleeping, i woke her up to ask why she didn't tidy up the house knowing i was going to bring friends over. she said she didn't know but i sent her a text letting her know and she said she didn't see it. i told her it seemed like she did see the text but decided to ignore it? she said no but she wasn't feeling well and had a headache so she thought of getting an hour long nap. i told her that it was so so embarrassing that the house looked like this when my friends came over and that this was avoidable had she cleaned up and prepared the house for the guests. she argued that first of all, the kids are the ones causing this mess and second of all, it was my fault for not checking twice with her and making sure the house was ready for guests. i thought that was ridiculous because she was basically blaming me for her own actions (or lack of) which i didn't appreciate so much. i told her it was embarrassing and yes she gets part of the blame for the house looking like a complete mess and being out of control like that. she called me a jerk then walked out of the room and avoided speaking to me about it insisting that i'm the one at fault in this sitiation. am i?	14,145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s25jy2/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_it_was_embarrassing/	2022-01-12 12:51:31	yta. you basically sprung this upon her, didn't check to see if she happened to see the one (1) text where you just casually decided to spontaneously bring home people that day, and showed literally zero care that she wasn't feeling well. sahm stands for stay at home mom, not stay at home maid. her priority is the children. not to be on call to make the house look unrealistically tidy in an hour's time. &#x200b;	yta. so let me get this straight... you work (presumably) normal business hours, or close to it, and you expect your wife to be "on" 24/7 as a sahm as well as a house cleaner? i'll also say, if your friends really were judging you that harshly for the state of your house, given you have three kids, then your friends are ahs too.	info do you live in this house? if yes why the fuck aren't you also cleaning it?	yta. it seemed like she did see the text and decided to ignore it? based on what??	yta i agree with everything your wife said. you should have guaranteed she knew that you were inviting people over. so you think her job is to clean up after your kids. is she not allowed to get sick? yta	yta. you expected her to drop everything and thoroughly clean the house with 3 hours notice? you expected the kids to understand "daddy is coming home with friends so no more messes!" and not only did you expect those things, you did so without confirmation that your wife even saw your message? doing most things on a three hour notice is improbable, let alone cleaning an entire house at the drop of a hat. you may be the breadwinner but that doesn't mean she owes you her complete obedience and to stop her world when you text her. she's busy taking care of your children all day. i'm pretty sure if you did a single chore you would have mentioned it in your post, but you didn't, so i'm going to assume that you take none of the responsibility for the house work, even though you live there too. she's not your indentured house elf servant, living to please you. she's a human and deserves basic human respect, which is clear you aren't giving her.	yta. while i am currently working full time, i spent 14 years as a sahm. my husband (breadwinner) has always helped with the housework. always. and when we have company, we have a conversation in advance—not a day-of text. and we prepare for it together. you expected a text—which she didn’t see—to be sufficient. you should’ve had an actual conversation with your wife. then you’d have known she wasn’t feeling well and you would’ve known not to invite guests. it honestly sounds like you don’t have a lot of respect for your wife. and even if you are the breadwinner and she stays home, marriage is a partnership where you should be willing to help her. having company requires planning!	yta. seriously, dude? if you want her to clean up for guests, you give her at least 24 hours notice the guests are coming. better yet, you spend the evening before helping her tidy. you don't just assume she's up for last-minute company, let alone that she's got the time and bandwidth to prepare for them. and you certainly don't continue to whine about how "embarrassed" you are over the entirely foreseeable consequence of your own failure to plan ahead when she tells you she's not feeling well.	why didn't you clean the house? it's your house too. yes she's a stay at home mom but she busy with the kids.	yta you did not give her sufficient notice, for one thing. for another, if you want the house to be presentable for guests, you can participate in the process of getting it to that point. she's your wife, not your maid, for heaven's sake. do you even love her or do you just see her as a second-rate childrearing and housekeeping robot?	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: relevant context: i (m, 36) am the breadwinner, my wife is a sahm. we have 3 kids so the house is a little too messy often times. my wife does her best to keep up with the cleaning and keeping the house tidy and i feel for her, i really do so i told her she doesn't have to clean up all the time since the kids are running up and down all day and making huge messes, i did tell her that she only has to make sure the house is clean when we have guests over and she agreed with me. well, the other day i brought over some friends from work and when i opened the door all i could see was an utter mess, food and toys and clutter everywhere. i was shocked i was embarrassed and just mortified that my friends saw my home looking like this. also i have a couple of guys who came over for the first time so the first impression must've been horrible to them. i took the guests into the least messy part of the house and my friends kept giving me weird looks and making indirect comments about the state of home. i was livid, i waited til they left then went into the bedroom to see that my wife was actually sleeping, i woke her up to ask why she didn't tidy up the house knowing i was going to bring friends over. she said she didn't know but i sent her a text letting her know and she said she didn't see it. i told her it seemed like she did see the text but decided to ignore it? she said no but she wasn't feeling well and had a headache so she thought of getting an hour long nap. i told her that it was so so embarrassing that the house looked like this when my friends came over and that this was avoidable had she cleaned up and prepared the house for the guests. she argued that first of all, the kids are the ones causing this mess and second of all, it was my fault for not checking twice with her and making sure the house was ready for guests. i thought that was ridiculous because she was basically blaming me for her own actions (or lack of) which i didn't appreciate so much. i told her it was embarrassing and yes she gets part of the blame for the house looking like a complete mess and being out of control like that. she called me a jerk then walked out of the room and avoided speaking to me about it insisting that i'm the one at fault in this sitiation. am i?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> relevant context: i (m, 36) am the breadwinner, my wife is a sahm. we have 3 kids so the house is a little too messy often times. my wife does her best to keep up with the cleaning and keeping the house tidy and i feel for her, i really do so i told her she doesn't have to clean up all the time since the kids are running up and down all day and making huge messes, i did tell her that she only has to make sure the house is clean when we have guests over and she agreed with me. well, the other day i brought over some friends from work and when i opened the door all i could see was an utter mess, food and toys and clutter everywhere. i was shocked i was embarrassed and just mortified that my friends saw my home looking like this. also i have a couple of guys who came over for the first time so the first impression must've been horrible to them. i took the guests into the least messy part of the house and my friends kept giving me weird looks and making indirect comments about the state of home. i was livid, i waited til they left then went into the bedroom to see that my wife was actually sleeping, i woke her up to ask why she didn't tidy up the house knowing i was going to bring friends over. she said she didn't know but i sent her a text letting her know and she said she didn't see it. i told her it seemed like she did see the text but decided to ignore it? she said no but she wasn't feeling well and had a headache so she thought of getting an hour long nap. i told her that it was so so embarrassing that the house looked like this when my friends came over and that this was avoidable had she cleaned up and prepared the house for the guests. she argued that first of all, the kids are the ones causing this mess and second of all, it was my fault for not checking twice with her and making sure the house was ready for guests. i thought that was ridiculous because she was basically blaming me for her own actions (or lack of) which i didn't appreciate so much. i told her it was embarrassing and yes she gets part of the blame for the house looking like a complete mess and being out of control like that. she called me a jerk then walked out of the room and avoided speaking to me about it insisting that i'm the one at fault in this sitiation. am i? [/INST] yta. you basically sprung this upon her, didn't check to see if she happened to see the one (1) text where you just casually decided to spontaneously bring home people that day, and showed literally zero care that she wasn't feeling well. sahm stands for stay at home mom, not stay at home maid. her priority is the children. not to be on call to make the house look unrealistically tidy in an hour's time. &#x200b; </s>
AITA for not taking my husband to my brother in law's funeral after he went against my sister's wishes?	my siste's husband was sick for over 6 months. in the past couple of months he got worse. they have 2 kids (nephew 4 and niece 6) i agreed to take the kids in to look after them and help my sister focus on her husband. a week ago i got a call at 6:50 from my sister crying telling me her husband just passed away. it was so devastating. i was still in bed when i got the news. i checked on the kids and they were asleep. i had to go see my sister and be with her. i asked my husband to keep an eye on the kids and warned him to not tell them about their father's passing til their mom get there and tell them herself in her own way since she made me promise to wait til she tell them herself. he noded but said telling them the sooner the better. i told him it was none of his business and he needed to respect their mother's wish. he said i could go and he'd watch the kids. an hour later. my phone rang while i was with my sister and it was my husband telling me to get home asap because the kids had a break down after he told them their father passed. i was dumbfounded and so so mad and helpess. i asked why he told them but i couldn't hear his reply because the kids were crying loudly in the background. their mother heard and fugured they found out. she told me to drive her to see them. i apologized for what my husband did but she didn't respond. we got home and it was a mess. my heart sank seeing the kids crying for their dad like that. their mom took them inside the room and shut the door. i lost it on my husband and he said he didn't want to say anything even made them breakfast but when he heard the kids talk about what they were going to do when they see their dad soon he felt the urge to tell them. i yelled at him for going against my sister's wishes. he apologized to my sister but she said she doesn't want him to see him because the kids stopped talking from their trauma. he wanted to go the funeral but i told him my sister doesn't want to see him and i'm respecting her wish. he got upset saying i excluded him from family event which was unfair and flat out petty. he said he couldn't help it so i shouldn't hold him accountable because it just happened. but i felt ashamed and a major let down for my sister because she stated her wishes and he didn't respect them.	21,700	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyn2jr/aita_for_not_taking_my_husband_to_my_brother_in/	2021-08-05 17:17:27	nta at all. do not take the responsibility of your spouse's acts onto your self. you clearly expressed your sister's wishes, he made the choice to go directly against them. your sister had every right to not want contact at all with him after that. who knows how the kids would have responded or been more traumatized seeing him again. you are not petty, you are trying to love and respect and support your sister in her time of grief.	nta. now your husband wants to show up and cause drama with the widow at a funeral? is he crazy? you need to take a very hard line with this guy.	nta. i was babysitting for a family friend while they were at the hospital saying goodbye to their other child. i knew that their son had died. but i kept my mouth shut and loved on their daughter, who was talking about going to see her brother, until they got home because it was 100000% not my place to say anything. didn't even cross my mind to tell her, even though i had to leave the room a few times to wipe my eyes and regain composure.	>i shouldn't hold him accountable because it just happened. no. he did it. it didn't just happen alone, he did it. what an as***ole, he can't even own his actions. and for him to be creating more drama in a moment like this... disgusting. i hope he realizes how bad he screwed it and work to earn your/your sister forgiveness	nta. your husband is a real piece of work. he goes against your sister’s explicit wish, then wants to ignore the fallout of that action by ignoring her next wish? and he has the gall to consider her unfair and petty? your husband needs to grow up and understand that actions have consequences and he should be held accountable for what he did. honestly, your husband sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies (with a caveat that i have never met the man), considering that he is concerned only about his feelings and what is fair to him after all the pain he has caused your sister and her family. he should consider himself lucky if she ever speaks to him again and not worry about going to the funeral.	nta your husband is one of those people who love more than anything being the bearer of news. the juicier the better, and nothing is juicier than telling someone that someone they loved has died. it shows a total lack of empathy, because he cared more about his gratification than he did about those kids or your sister. it was about him and his news and if he misses the funeral he won’t be in the know and the worst thing for a news bearer is hearing something secondhand. he “couldn’t help himself” is such a disgusting, enraging cop out. does he think saying that excuses him from every bad behavior? my fil is a news bearer. story time: when my daughter was two she needed emergency surgery and she coded under anesthesia twice. my husband was traveling for work, but when i called to tell him we were headed to the hospital and she needed surgery he booked the first flight home. i happened to be on the phone with my fil when the surgeon came out and told me about the coding, and that she was going to be air lifted to another hospital that had a picu. my fil heard everything bc in my shock i didn’t disconnect the phone. he started blowing up my husbands phone (who was 30,000 feet up) so that he could be the first one to tell him all the lovely drama. the lovely, juicy news. and what he told my poor beleaguered stressed out husband was that his tiny daughter had died. my husband called me hysterically crying, incoherent, hyperventilating. i quickly facetimed him so he could see our little girl crying in her stretcher, moving around, obviously alive. my husband needed therapy to recover and my fil to this day doesn’t see what he did wrong because news bearers never do. it’s a narcissistic streak in selfish personalities. you were right to keep him away. this wasn’t about him. at all.	nta. but i would alert the priest/funeral home director about your husband and how his presence isn't wanted. i have a feeling that your husband will attempt to go to your bil's funeral. you and your family have my condolences.	nta, op. you don’t really have a choice here, as your sister has already (rightfully!) forbidden it. but this moment is much bigger than an argument or disagreement. what your husband did caused a rift. you will likely have to decide if you’ll be standing with your newly widowed sister and kids or your husband when the dust settles. your sister is within her rights to demand she and her kids never see your husband again. then what? something you need to think about. now i’m going to do something that normally pisses a large part of this sub off (sorry, folks): is it possible that your husband has sadistic personality traits? i don’t need an answer but you should start thinking back to see if he…enjoys causing emotional distress in people or enjoys the reactions of emotionally fraught people. sadists (though no longer an official diagnosis) aren’t always into physical pain. they can also get their rocks off from causing emotional and mental pain. my father was (is, i assume) a sadist. sure he enjoyed physically punishing us but his real guilty pleasure was emotional pain. i had a younger step-cousin who was already mentally fragile. my father pulled an elaborate and ongoing stunt that eventually resulted in a breakdown and institutionalization of said cousin. he was around 7 when it started. i only tell you this to show that i am deadly serious and not just throwing around buzzwords. please, please examine your relationship and your husband’s behaviors to see if he may have done this not bc he’s selfish but bc he enjoyed their pain. the former is bad but perhaps reparable, the latter is, well, so much worse. feel free to reach out if you want to discuss any further. condolences and i’m so sorry for your situation.	nta, but my god your husband is. what a vile thing to do to those poor kids. if i were your sister i would never want to even be in the same room with him again. do not let him hurt that family any more. not just the funeral, i would ban him from all "family events" until he gets therapy and understands what he did was so far beyond wrong.	nta but your husband is a huge ah. it's not that hard to keep quiet for a few hours. if he felt uncomfortable with the topic, he should've changed the topic. he could've put the tv on for the kids. he could've taken them out to a park to play on the swings. anything, apart from disrespecting your sister's wishes. your husband is a selfish man, making this all about him (his comfort with the kids being told later on, his disinvitation from the funeral). if you do not have kids with him, you should seriously consider your future with him because his lack of tact and sensitivity is not a good fit for a marriage.	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my siste's husband was sick for over 6 months. in the past couple of months he got worse. they have 2 kids (nephew 4 and niece 6) i agreed to take the kids in to look after them and help my sister focus on her husband. a week ago i got a call at 6:50 from my sister crying telling me her husband just passed away. it was so devastating. i was still in bed when i got the news. i checked on the kids and they were asleep. i had to go see my sister and be with her. i asked my husband to keep an eye on the kids and warned him to not tell them about their father's passing til their mom get there and tell them herself in her own way since she made me promise to wait til she tell them herself. he noded but said telling them the sooner the better. i told him it was none of his business and he needed to respect their mother's wish. he said i could go and he'd watch the kids. an hour later. my phone rang while i was with my sister and it was my husband telling me to get home asap because the kids had a break down after he told them their father passed. i was dumbfounded and so so mad and helpess. i asked why he told them but i couldn't hear his reply because the kids were crying loudly in the background. their mother heard and fugured they found out. she told me to drive her to see them. i apologized for what my husband did but she didn't respond. we got home and it was a mess. my heart sank seeing the kids crying for their dad like that. their mom took them inside the room and shut the door. i lost it on my husband and he said he didn't want to say anything even made them breakfast but when he heard the kids talk about what they were going to do when they see their dad soon he felt the urge to tell them. i yelled at him for going against my sister's wishes. he apologized to my sister but she said she doesn't want him to see him because the kids stopped talking from their trauma. he wanted to go the funeral but i told him my sister doesn't want to see him and i'm respecting her wish. he got upset saying i excluded him from family event which was unfair and flat out petty. he said he couldn't help it so i shouldn't hold him accountable because it just happened. but i felt ashamed and a major let down for my sister because she stated her wishes and he didn't respect them.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my siste's husband was sick for over 6 months. in the past couple of months he got worse. they have 2 kids (nephew 4 and niece 6) i agreed to take the kids in to look after them and help my sister focus on her husband. a week ago i got a call at 6:50 from my sister crying telling me her husband just passed away. it was so devastating. i was still in bed when i got the news. i checked on the kids and they were asleep. i had to go see my sister and be with her. i asked my husband to keep an eye on the kids and warned him to not tell them about their father's passing til their mom get there and tell them herself in her own way since she made me promise to wait til she tell them herself. he noded but said telling them the sooner the better. i told him it was none of his business and he needed to respect their mother's wish. he said i could go and he'd watch the kids. an hour later. my phone rang while i was with my sister and it was my husband telling me to get home asap because the kids had a break down after he told them their father passed. i was dumbfounded and so so mad and helpess. i asked why he told them but i couldn't hear his reply because the kids were crying loudly in the background. their mother heard and fugured they found out. she told me to drive her to see them. i apologized for what my husband did but she didn't respond. we got home and it was a mess. my heart sank seeing the kids crying for their dad like that. their mom took them inside the room and shut the door. i lost it on my husband and he said he didn't want to say anything even made them breakfast but when he heard the kids talk about what they were going to do when they see their dad soon he felt the urge to tell them. i yelled at him for going against my sister's wishes. he apologized to my sister but she said she doesn't want him to see him because the kids stopped talking from their trauma. he wanted to go the funeral but i told him my sister doesn't want to see him and i'm respecting her wish. he got upset saying i excluded him from family event which was unfair and flat out petty. he said he couldn't help it so i shouldn't hold him accountable because it just happened. but i felt ashamed and a major let down for my sister because she stated her wishes and he didn't respect them. [/INST] nta at all. do not take the responsibility of your spouse's acts onto your self. you clearly expressed your sister's wishes, he made the choice to go directly against them. your sister had every right to not want contact at all with him after that. who knows how the kids would have responded or been more traumatized seeing him again. you are not petty, you are trying to love and respect and support your sister in her time of grief. </s>
AITA for ordering delivery food when I only live a few blocks away from the restaurant?	there's a local burger joint that my family and i love. it's about 10 blocks away from our house and they do both delivery and pick up. i'm a ft student and sahm to a toddler (1.5) while my husband works ft. i had a big exam and a couple of lab practicals due today and was too tired to cook dinner so i decided to order a couple burgers and fries from the local joint. it was already dark out, really cold, and i didn't feel like trying to wrangle my kid into their snow suit or the stroller to walk over there as we don't have a car, so i ordered delivery on their website for an additional fee (this wasn't a delivery service like door dash or uber eats, the restaurant uses its own online platform and hires its own drivers to delivery food). i paid online and left a 20% tip. about 30 minutes later i got a notification the delivery driver was at my building so i went downstairs to pick my food up. when i got to the door the delivery person was very rude and told me that next time i should get off my ass and pick up my own damn food and that she doesn't get paid enough to deliver food less than a mile. i just grabbed my food and didn't say a word to her and headed back toward the elevator. i heard a pound on the (locked) door as i walked away and turned around to see she'd hit the door with some snow and was flipping me off. i went upstairs kind of frazzled and ended up calling the restaurant to let them know what happened and to please reimburse me for my tip. the manager i talked to was horrified and apologized and ended up returning my tip. he also offered a 20% off coupon for a future visit. we love this burger shop so this poor experience isn't going to stop us from eating their food, i just am not going to get delivery from them again. aita for ordering delivery from a restaurant a few blocks away? is this some kind of unwritten rule of delivery that i didn't know about?	20,996	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t9yt8d/aita_for_ordering_delivery_food_when_i_only_live/	2022-03-09 03:45:26	nta like thats a super easy and close delivery and if anything it being shorter makes it more lucrative on a tip-time ratio.	nta. what the hell is the delivery person's problem? who cares how close you are. ten blocks, next door... shouldn't matter. there's a bazillion different reasons why someone might need delivery no matter the distance and she has no business to comment on it.	nta. it seems like an ideal delivery for a quick buck for the driver. it sounds like they should not be delivering food to anyone with that attitude.	nta. the driver in fact does get paid to deliver food less than a mile. you paid the fee for the delivery, you get the food delivered. for whatever reason you want. the delivery person had no reason to mouth off to you like that, and you had every right to call and tell the manager about how the driver acted.	nta she must not be too bright, because that was a very quick delivery with minimal time/gas and she got a decent tip. i'm glad you spoke with the manager, that kind of attitude was totally uncalled for.	nta. if the restaurant offers delivery for your area, you’re not an asshole for ordering it.	nta, but that delivery person certainly was. i'm disabled, chronically ill, and mostly housebound. i'm also pretty poor, so the occasional restaurant delivery meal is really the only way i have to treat myself. my three favourite restaurants to order from are all within five blocks of my apartment, and not once has any delivery person complained. if anything, they're happy to do it. it's a super quick delivery, especially if they happen to be in the neighbourhood, and (like you i'm sure, with a toddler at home and exhausted), i'm very appreciative. it's an easy, fast few bucks for them that costs almost no gas! with gas prices the way they are, i have no idea why the delivery guy would want to drive farther?! you're definitely nta. everyone deserves to use delivery services - that's what they're there for - but especially people who genuinely need them, and that includes both people like me, and exhausted parents.	what. that is crazy! you are absolutely nta, but that delivery driver sure is!! you used their own delivery service, you tipped very nicely, and that's all your obligated to do. in any case, the delivery person doesn't even make sense. she's getting a nice tip for doing 3 minutes of work, that should be a win win for everyone!	nta delivery helps a lot of people. you chose it because bundling up a toddler to run a short errand in the cold sucks and isn’t a good use of your time and energy. legit. somebody else might order delivery because they are disabled and don’t have the spoons for even a short trek. delivery people don’t typically know who their customers are or why they might be ordering delivery—so they have no business judging. they deserve compassion but so do you.	nta. i have a hard time imagining 10 city blocks cause i live in the middle of nowhere where 10 blocks is a bit of a travel, but 10 blocks seems like a reasonable delivery to me? even if it wasn't, if you're within the delivery area then i don't see any reason for the fuss, that's literally the job.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: there's a local burger joint that my family and i love. it's about 10 blocks away from our house and they do both delivery and pick up. i'm a ft student and sahm to a toddler (1.5) while my husband works ft. i had a big exam and a couple of lab practicals due today and was too tired to cook dinner so i decided to order a couple burgers and fries from the local joint. it was already dark out, really cold, and i didn't feel like trying to wrangle my kid into their snow suit or the stroller to walk over there as we don't have a car, so i ordered delivery on their website for an additional fee (this wasn't a delivery service like door dash or uber eats, the restaurant uses its own online platform and hires its own drivers to delivery food). i paid online and left a 20% tip. about 30 minutes later i got a notification the delivery driver was at my building so i went downstairs to pick my food up. when i got to the door the delivery person was very rude and told me that next time i should get off my ass and pick up my own damn food and that she doesn't get paid enough to deliver food less than a mile. i just grabbed my food and didn't say a word to her and headed back toward the elevator. i heard a pound on the (locked) door as i walked away and turned around to see she'd hit the door with some snow and was flipping me off. i went upstairs kind of frazzled and ended up calling the restaurant to let them know what happened and to please reimburse me for my tip. the manager i talked to was horrified and apologized and ended up returning my tip. he also offered a 20% off coupon for a future visit. we love this burger shop so this poor experience isn't going to stop us from eating their food, i just am not going to get delivery from them again. aita for ordering delivery from a restaurant a few blocks away? is this some kind of unwritten rule of delivery that i didn't know about?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> there's a local burger joint that my family and i love. it's about 10 blocks away from our house and they do both delivery and pick up. i'm a ft student and sahm to a toddler (1.5) while my husband works ft. i had a big exam and a couple of lab practicals due today and was too tired to cook dinner so i decided to order a couple burgers and fries from the local joint. it was already dark out, really cold, and i didn't feel like trying to wrangle my kid into their snow suit or the stroller to walk over there as we don't have a car, so i ordered delivery on their website for an additional fee (this wasn't a delivery service like door dash or uber eats, the restaurant uses its own online platform and hires its own drivers to delivery food). i paid online and left a 20% tip. about 30 minutes later i got a notification the delivery driver was at my building so i went downstairs to pick my food up. when i got to the door the delivery person was very rude and told me that next time i should get off my ass and pick up my own damn food and that she doesn't get paid enough to deliver food less than a mile. i just grabbed my food and didn't say a word to her and headed back toward the elevator. i heard a pound on the (locked) door as i walked away and turned around to see she'd hit the door with some snow and was flipping me off. i went upstairs kind of frazzled and ended up calling the restaurant to let them know what happened and to please reimburse me for my tip. the manager i talked to was horrified and apologized and ended up returning my tip. he also offered a 20% off coupon for a future visit. we love this burger shop so this poor experience isn't going to stop us from eating their food, i just am not going to get delivery from them again. aita for ordering delivery from a restaurant a few blocks away? is this some kind of unwritten rule of delivery that i didn't know about? [/INST] nta like thats a super easy and close delivery and if anything it being shorter makes it more lucrative on a tip-time ratio. </s>
AITA for calling out my girlfriend’s chubby 10 year old son, and embarrassing him?	hello, this is my first time here. please be nice to me. i am in my late thirties and my girlfriend is the same. we have been together for over 1.5 years, but we do not yet live together. she has a son “martin” from a previous relationship. like i said in the title, he is 10. yesterday we were at a graduation party for my niece who just finished the 8th grade. the party was at a banquet hall, i brought my girlfriend and martin. the dinner was buffet style and there was a giant appetizer table as well as a kids buffet table with things like chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, mac and cheese and cheese pizza. the background info y’all need is that martin is a really sweet kid, but he is pretty overweight. like personally i think my girlfriend has a problem on her hands with this. he’s just always eating. here’s the situation that the conflict came from: my girlfriend and i were spending some time saying hi to all my little cousins/nieces and nephews at their table. martin walked back to the buffet table with his 3rd plate pulled high with mini corn dogs and pizza and proceeded to go to town on it. i said “martin, that’s supposed to be for everyone, not just for you. you need to let other people eat too” he got really quiet and was kind of off the rest of the party. i took my gf and martin home and than i got the angry call from gf. she’s mad that i made that comment to martin. she said i embarrassed him, and insinuated that he is fat in front of all the other kids. i didn’t think my comment was out of line, the kid was eating all the food. she said that if i had a problem, i should have told her privately and she would talk to martin privately. now she’s upset and apparently martin doesn’t like me anymore. am i an asshole?	3,514	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vws5o1/aita_for_calling_out_my_girlfriends_chubby_10/	2022-07-11 20:26:00	yta she's right. you're not his parent. you don't even live with him. you should have went to her and let her handle it.	yta why are you bullying a kid wtf. you literally made fun of a 10 year old in public and tried to justify it. a) it's not your kid and b) if it is really that much of a concern talk to his mom in private not publicly call him out. i can guarantee calling him out in public will absolutely not help him.	yta mostly because kids may over eat for whatever psychological reason, but calling out a 10yo for eating a lot in front of other kids is guaranteed to aggravate or create a social problem for him. that said, he is not even your child for you to be worried about him getting "chubby" but your gf's. if you want to be a father to him humiliating him in front of other children is not the way. you should apologize to martin, and probably your gf because you were so out of line.	yta as someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, i can tell you that the worst things ever said to me were from family members and people who were supposed to live me unconditionally. besides that, you had no right to say that to him. your girlfriend is right, talk to her, never make him feel bad about himself.	so was there a danger of there not being enough food? was there just one serving for every kid? or were you just bullying the kid?	yta. the fact you began this with "please be nice to me (a grown man)" and then followed it up with essentially "i decided to shit on my gfs 10 year old kid for something that's none of my business in a public way because i have an opinion that nobody asked for" which is it? unprompted loud public shaming or being nice?	yta and a bully. you never do that to a child, ever. srly wtf? you should be single rn honestly.	hi, please be nice to me in this sub 🥺 also let me just embarrass a kid in front of everyone. yta. the other commenters are right, first of all he is not your kid. second of all, even if you had good intentions (which i am questioning), you did things in the worst way possible. the amount of food you listed seems like there was enough for the kids who were there. if you were truly worried about the kid causing a "food shortage" at the buffet and you felt like you really needed to say anything, you could have taken him aside and said something like "hey buddy, i'm glad that you like the food here, but why don't we take a break from the buffet and maybe you can do xy/ look at xy/ talk to xy. we can always have dessert later". that way he is distracted a bit and the food has time to settle for him to realise he is full. but nooope, you had to call him out in front of everyone and make it sound like he is selfish and greedy and then you were surprised that he got really upset by that. so no, i am not going to be nice and i am also go going to call you out in front of other people. that was a dick move and showed that you were not really concerned about the child's wellbeing in that moment and you owe him and apology and a talk. and in the spirit of equality, men can get eating disorders too, so maybe watch how you and your girlfriend treat his weight and his relationship to food	unpopular opinion, but nta. it's not acceptable to eat more than your fair share during social gatherings, never mind your weight, and his mom should have taught him that. if she didn't, she should have done it discreetly at that moment. she didn't, imo she is the ah. she is not parenting the kid. it's only appropriate you tell him it's not okay to act like that because it's not and he clearly was not aware of it. you never mentioned his weight, imo that's a bad-faith interpretation of what you said. so what, because the kid is chubby now you can't tell him what he is doing is bad manners if it involves food, because there's an automatic subtext of his weight being pointed out, and that is verboten?? well that sucks for him, he's not gonna learn a lot about acceptable social behaviors now, as a lot of them involve food.	info: if you mentioned anything about his weight, you would be ta. based on what you said, that you just said, "it's for everyone, not just you." that to me is just common courtesy that should be taught. now there's a bunch more nuances here as 1. have you mentioned his weight to him before? 2. does she mention his weight to him often? 3. is it buffet style or was it actually a buffet? as in is there actually a limited amount of food or not really?	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	INFO	0.074074	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello, this is my first time here. please be nice to me. i am in my late thirties and my girlfriend is the same. we have been together for over 1.5 years, but we do not yet live together. she has a son “martin” from a previous relationship. like i said in the title, he is 10. yesterday we were at a graduation party for my niece who just finished the 8th grade. the party was at a banquet hall, i brought my girlfriend and martin. the dinner was buffet style and there was a giant appetizer table as well as a kids buffet table with things like chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, mac and cheese and cheese pizza. the background info y’all need is that martin is a really sweet kid, but he is pretty overweight. like personally i think my girlfriend has a problem on her hands with this. he’s just always eating. here’s the situation that the conflict came from: my girlfriend and i were spending some time saying hi to all my little cousins/nieces and nephews at their table. martin walked back to the buffet table with his 3rd plate pulled high with mini corn dogs and pizza and proceeded to go to town on it. i said “martin, that’s supposed to be for everyone, not just for you. you need to let other people eat too” he got really quiet and was kind of off the rest of the party. i took my gf and martin home and than i got the angry call from gf. she’s mad that i made that comment to martin. she said i embarrassed him, and insinuated that he is fat in front of all the other kids. i didn’t think my comment was out of line, the kid was eating all the food. she said that if i had a problem, i should have told her privately and she would talk to martin privately. now she’s upset and apparently martin doesn’t like me anymore. am i an asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> hello, this is my first time here. please be nice to me. i am in my late thirties and my girlfriend is the same. we have been together for over 1.5 years, but we do not yet live together. she has a son “martin” from a previous relationship. like i said in the title, he is 10. yesterday we were at a graduation party for my niece who just finished the 8th grade. the party was at a banquet hall, i brought my girlfriend and martin. the dinner was buffet style and there was a giant appetizer table as well as a kids buffet table with things like chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, mac and cheese and cheese pizza. the background info y’all need is that martin is a really sweet kid, but he is pretty overweight. like personally i think my girlfriend has a problem on her hands with this. he’s just always eating. here’s the situation that the conflict came from: my girlfriend and i were spending some time saying hi to all my little cousins/nieces and nephews at their table. martin walked back to the buffet table with his 3rd plate pulled high with mini corn dogs and pizza and proceeded to go to town on it. i said “martin, that’s supposed to be for everyone, not just for you. you need to let other people eat too” he got really quiet and was kind of off the rest of the party. i took my gf and martin home and than i got the angry call from gf. she’s mad that i made that comment to martin. she said i embarrassed him, and insinuated that he is fat in front of all the other kids. i didn’t think my comment was out of line, the kid was eating all the food. she said that if i had a problem, i should have told her privately and she would talk to martin privately. now she’s upset and apparently martin doesn’t like me anymore. am i an asshole? [/INST] yta she's right. you're not his parent. you don't even live with him. you should have went to her and let her handle it. </s>
WIBTA If I posted a video montage online of my neighbor throwing things in my yard?	my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"?	27,795	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekglhk/wibta_if_i_posted_a_video_montage_online_of_my/	2020-01-05 18:10:08	nta, but before you post it, see if r/legaladvice has any suggestions for you. they might have tips on how to force the cops or university into action, and posting that video would probably hurt you if there is any other solution. but if legaladvice has nothing for you, i say post that shit all over!	i would talk to a lawyer. they can send a cease and desist type letter and if your neighbor continues, then legal action can continue. no judgement.	nta - contact the city attorney via email explaining the issue and numerous complaints. send to the local news station, paper and university paper about local professor bullying students. post to next door if they don’t pick it up. include that you’ve asked police and city attorney for assistance and they haven’t done anything. next have your parents call the university about how this professor is harassing the tenants aka son and roommates. the city attorney might listen from the landowner about damage to property. find out if she rents or owns the property. if she rents have your parents call and complain about the damage and that they will hold them liable. also reach out to your city council member (landowners) that they are concerned about the damage to property, threat to tenants and her vandalism is this ‘really someone who should be shaping young minds’. but really her behavior is odd. i’m not sure if she resents that students are living next to her or that your parents bought the house for you. who knows that might have been the one she wanted and is furious college students get to live in it. but they doesn’t matter her behavior is outside the norm.	nta. send it to your local news channel. call them and say you have a story.	nta. i don't see what state you are in, but in many places what you could do is send her a "trespass notice" informing her that she is not welcome on your property and if she enters your property again you will jave her arrested for trespass. that might or might not prompt the police to arrest her later if she returns. if the police still don't do anything, you can sue her for trespass and/or nuisance and request an injunction and/or money damages. but posting the video is probably legal, she wouldn't have an expectation of privacy in your backyard. i'm assuming it's without audio, if there's audio of her talking there may be other state laws at play.	nta, shame her ass	nta, you should tag her and the university. not sure it will help anything, but go for it.	nta post the video link here please	nta, but when you post the video on youtube, also post it to r/imatotalpieceofshit or r/mildlyinfuriating so that we can enjoy it	[removed]	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> my mom and i bought a duplex for me to manage and live in during my years in college. bought the house in 2018, i moved in the summer of 2019. we installed a ring video security system, along with a front yard doorbell and backyard video floodlights. when i moved in, there were a ton of branches and limbs by my neighbors fence. that was odd since we only had one medium-sized tree, nearly ten feet from the fence. later that summer, the backyard ring camera caught the neighbor throwing branches over. we realized that that is where the huge pile came from. halloween came around and my roommate and i decided to throw a party on friday, november 1st. we tried to talk to ms. stick thrower, but they were not home during our three attempts. we left a note explaining it, along with our names and numbers. the party was 30+ people coming and going, along with music and a beerpong table in the backyard. cops were (rightfully) called at 11:45pm; we shut it down. the 4th, i was in class and got a front doorbell notification. it was ms. stick thrower pulling up my decorative styrofoam tombstones and throwing them behind my bushes. when i got home i saw that one was broken. my roommate and i decided to call the non-emergency line about this, because obviously she had no respect for us, and this is the south so anyone could have a gun. a cop came out, we showed her everything, and we went to talk to the neighbor. her fiancee opened the door, claimed she was not home despite her car being there. anyways, time went on and i noticed that she came into our backyard via a gate, which was deep in my backyard. this freaked me out, as video showed her smoking and wandering around my backyard. i put a carabiner on the gate to keep her out. end of november, i come home and see these huge limbs flying over the fence. i get out, confront her, we argue, and she claims that she owns two feet of my backyard. she ends the conversation with "do you want to make these next four years a living hell?" called the non-emergency number, and once again she hid from the cops. i found out that she is a professor at my university. i emailed the dean of students, told him everything and provided proof. their resources were useless, and i am beyond fed up. cops say they can't do anything, despite video evidence and four no trespassing signs. i want her to stop. we got a survey done, and she does not own two feet into my backyard. i have edited together a video montage of her throwing limbs, branches, sticks, rocks, and cigarettes together, along with her trespassing in my backyard. wibta if i posted this video online with the caption "university professor's actions"? [/INST] nta, but before you post it, see if r/legaladvice has any suggestions for you. they might have tips on how to force the cops or university into action, and posting that video would probably hurt you if there is any other solution. but if legaladvice has nothing for you, i say post that shit all over! </s>
AITA for pointing out my colleague is divorced during discussion	so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work. a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor. before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad. i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point. now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents! so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either. needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt. some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up. i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution. i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation. so aita?	18,674	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbmzh9/aita_for_pointing_out_my_colleague_is_divorced/	2020-12-12 10:27:36	nta all you did was turn her awful logic on her. if she was hurt by having her own beliefs applied to her, then she should really reevaluate those beliefs. what she said was wrong and bigoted, going through a tough divorce doesn't excuse her of that.	esh these kind of discussions are incredibly unprofessional for a work environment. it shouldn't have started to begin with.	nta she's a bigot and a hypocrite. calling her out and thinking her own skewed logic through is not an ah move at all. she made her bed by saying stupid stuff. you never know who's in the closet and hears her bigotry, so the fact that she says stuff that's not only factually wrong but really hurtful means she doesn't give a damn about others.	nta. you gave her the rope, she hanged herself with it.	here’s my “devils advocate” play of the situation: on one hand, it sounds like you were pulled into a personal discussion where this female coworker was an active and willing participant. the information you shared was relevant, and e did make what could be considered a hurtful comment herself (e.g., for all she knows, someone in the office is gay and hopes to adopt one day). what you said was a relevant and fair argument. on the other hand, you mentioned the divorce was “very bad” and that could mean all sorts of things. do you mean very bad as in an unfortunate situation by virtue of being a divorce? or very bad like abusive? you also say you don’t mean to shame her but then say “sometimes there is simply no other solution” which leads me to believe you said that knowing it would hurt her. your female coworker is absolutely an asshole in this situation. as for you, i honestly think you kinda maybe also are an asshole. i’m not saying it wasn’t called for, but at the end of the day intentionally shaming someone is technically an asshole thing to do. esh.	esh (leaning nta given new info from op mentioned in edit below) your coworker is a bigot, but it doesn’t say anywhere that they invited you into that conversation. also, you could have made your point more gently, but just as effectively, by asking “what about people who become single parents after a divorce” rather than shoving her own divorce in her face. did she deserve that compassion? maybe not. were you ultimately correct? yes, but her ah comments weren’t directed at you in any way and it sounds like you weren’t even involved in the conversation until you decided to shame her.	nta people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones. you pointed out her logic flaw and its not your issue that she's had a bad divorce.	nta - don’t fan the fire if you don’t wanna get burned.	nta she's a bigot. not going to defend a bigot. she didn't know the status of anyone else around her when she chose to open her mouth at work and spread bigotry. she got hurt in the discussion? she's someone trying to propagate hurt, to actively belittle, denigrate, and discriminate against others, by her very arguments. she went on the attack with her statements, and she got checked...getting hurt was a consequence of that attack. i have little sympathy for her. with that being said, this seems like a situation where you were right, you did the right thing, and it was the wrong time. this whole conversation shouldn't have started at work, and it can have blowback for all concerned. it's unprofessional for a workplace, and people do have to work together (even if it means working with a bigot). i don't know how you feel or trust the hr at your place. mine is very good....but yours could be anything. i will say that it's probably worth a chat with your hr before she does, to protect yourself. nothing is as fragile as a bigot called out on their shit, and she could lodge a complaint. so, go to your hr first and apologize and say that you overheard this conversation and it made you very upset. talk about how it made you feel and how you didn't like being at work and hearing that discussion. then say that it led to you speaking up, and that she didn't like it. you can say what you did say and your reasoning in saying it. end it by saying that next time instead of engaging, you'll report to hr. (that would have been the better course to start with.)	honestly the whole conversation should have been shut down, because what the fuck. “hey, let’s pass judgement on whether we think other people’s life and family choices are valid” is not really a topic of conversation for work. it’s none of this dude’s business whether women become single moms by choice. if someone asked him to be a donor he can work that out with his actual friends or a therapist. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. commenting on the ways other people are living their lives wrong opens you up to criticism on your own choices so i think it’s a low blow but fair. but honestly would’ve been better to tell them all to shut it nta	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.139196	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work. a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor. before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad. i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point. now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents! so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either. needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt. some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up. i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution. i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> so i was recently dragged into a conversation at work. a male and female coworker were talking across from me and i'm not sure how they got to this topic because i wasn't paying attention, but the male coworker asked if we thought it was okay for women to become a single mom through a sperm donor. before i could say anything, my female coworker said she thought it was a bad idea since children need a mom and a dad. i asked her if she then also thought same-sex couples shouldn't have kids, to which she immediately replied they shouldn't and went on a rampage to defend her point. now, i have multiple friends that are in a same-sex couple and some of them do have kids and they are amazing parents! so i pointed out that by her logic, she should not have kids either since she is newly divorced and that means her kids don't have a mom and dad available at all times either. needless to say, this brought the discussion to a speedy halt. some coworkers said iata because she had a very bad divorce and still suffers from it, so i shouldn't have brought it up. i didn't mean to shame her because of getting divorced at all. sometimes there is simply no other solution. i was just trying to point out that you could easily turn around her arguments against single parents or same-sex parents to reflect on her situation. so aita? [/INST] nta all you did was turn her awful logic on her. if she was hurt by having her own beliefs applied to her, then she should really reevaluate those beliefs. what she said was wrong and bigoted, going through a tough divorce doesn't excuse her of that. </s>
AITA for going home because my gf wanted me to eat leftovers?	we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is. when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑 so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home." and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?" and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me. those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively.	3,443	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lfsrqz/aita_for_going_home_because_my_gf_wanted_me_to/	2021-02-09 02:47:42	yta. is she only worth hanging out with if she has a meal prepared for you? you were going to eat leftovers anyway. either you want to spend time with her or you don't. what kind of food she has available should have no bearing on that.	>if i’m going to eat leftovers, i might as well do it at my place. if i’m going to eat leftovers, i may as well have good company. you very clearly do only want to spend time with her you’re getting something out of besides her company. yta, and frankly you don’t deserve ever having a fresh cooked meal from her again.	i don't like how you said "i asked her what she had cooked." like it was her job. and i don't like the emoji you chose because she didn't have freshly made dinner for you. her friends wouldn't bash you if this was a one-time thing. yta.	yta solutions: grab food from your place, then go to see her. invite her to your place. ask if she wants something from a drive-through or grocery store. eat the leftovers. you just decided that because you weren't getting a fresh cooked meal, that your gf wasn't worth seeing. it's just...strange. and left overs are often delicious...there were many solutions and you decided to be a jerk instead.	i mean, yes, yta. you told your girlfriend the only reason you would spend time with her is if she cooks for you, essentially...	you told her that her company isn’t a good enough reason for you to visit her, but better food would be. yta	yta: “you’re only worth spending time with if you cook for me” like—how is that not offensive?	yta. you're not an asshole for not wanting leftovers, you're an asshole for expecting a home cooked meal and rejecting her for not cooking it for you.	"i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." yta. you view spending time with your partner a waste unless she cooks for you.	yta. you told her you didn't want to "waste time" seeing her unless she cooked food for you. how would you like it if she told you she didn't want to waste time with you unless you chopped wood/dug a trench/lifted really heavy things? if she doesn't like going to your place, there's a good chance that your place is not comfortable for her in some way and if you want her to come to your place, find out what the reason she avoids it is and remedy that if possible.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is. when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑 so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home." and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?" and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me. those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> we (25m, 26f) have separate places, but she always wants me to come and stay with her. i do most times, even though my place is actually closer to where my job is. when i was getting off work, she called me and asked me to come over, and i asked her what she had cooked. she said she hadn't made anything and she was too tired to cook, but she had some leftovers. 😑 so i said, "nevermind, don't worry about it, i'ma just head home." and then she got mad and said, "oh, so you'll only come over because i cook for you? you don't want to spend time with me?" and i said, "i do, but i'm hungry and my place is closer. i don't want to waste gas and money driving all the way over there just to eat leftovers." am i right? if i'm going to eat leftovers, i might as well just do it at my place. and i did. but then she kept sending me screenshots of her group chat bashing me. those her friends, so i'm not taking them seriously, but i want to hear what you guys think. objectively. [/INST] yta. is she only worth hanging out with if she has a meal prepared for you? you were going to eat leftovers anyway. either you want to spend time with her or you don't. what kind of food she has available should have no bearing on that. </s>
AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop talking about her period because it’s gross?	throwaway for obvious reasons so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear. i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross. she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating. i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility. she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole.	11,598	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bbtere/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_stop_talking/	2019-04-11 00:07:45	yta. if you’re not mature enough to listen to her just mention her period you’re not mature enough to date anyone.	yta. if she were talking about it obsessively that would be obnoxious. but you need to grow up. and way to basically shame her for her body's natural functions.	yta. from your title i expected to read how she explained to you in every little detail almost black blood clots, and bleeding, and colour, and smell and how it's tacky. grow up dude, and get over yourself. periods are normal. also, > i don't need to know because i'm not a girl agrument i hope you don't view sex this way too. you are not a girl, therefore why would you use contraception, it's not like you can grow a baby inside of you, right???	yta. if you can't handle the details of the reproduction system, like periods, you're not mature enough to be having sex. it's a natural bodily function. get over it.	yta. time to grow up, buddy. if she can deal with blood gushing out of her hoohaw once a month, you can deal with her mentioning it every once in a while. if not, you are too young for the v.	yta >we aren’t sexually active as she is uncomfortable with it. so it doesn’t really seem like it’s my responsibility for what her body goes through. maybe if you had treated her like a person, and hadn't totally shut her down when she mentioned she bled through her underwear she might feel less uncomfortable with the thought of having sex. she wasn't asking you to take responsibility for her body, she was asking for basic respect. "ugh, i bled through my underwear. i hate when that happens". "oh yeah, that's gotta suck." literally all you had to do. instead you went the "ew gross don't talk about that to me that's not my responsibility" route like she was describing period clots and poops in vivid detail while making you hand clean her underwear and sheets. grow up.	yta. no question. you need to do some growing up.	i had to make a whole new one because of your edit yta yta yta listen, you guys might not be sexually active, but it’s still something you should know about. she wasn’t forcing you to look at it or anything, if she was just briefly mentioning it then it’s no big deal. you’re 16, grow up, if you want a girlfriend then you should be able to handle a little bit of complaining about bleeding through her underwear.	yta. nonstop, intense detail is one thing but she's right. if you're going to date women, it's something you've got to put on your big boy boxers for and learn to deal with. hell, flow and cramps can be health/pregnancy indicators. those are pretty important.	yta. i bet she thinks a lot of what you do is gross but keeps it to herself.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear. i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross. she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating. i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility. she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the ahole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the ahole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. <</SYS>> throwaway for obvious reasons so i’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two months and i guess today she got her period. she mentioned it slightly and said something about bleeding through her underwear. i asked her to stop talking about it because i thought it was gross. she told me she understood, but i should know these things since we’re dating. i told her i didn’t need to know anything about it because i’m not a girl and it’s not my responsibility. she told me that she understood and would just keep things like that to herself, but her friend called me an asshole. [/INST] yta. if you’re not mature enough to listen to her just mention her period you’re not mature enough to date anyone. </s>

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