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AITA for leaving the restaurant after my bf refused to pay for my meal?
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i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap.
he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient.
yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money.
when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal.
i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left.
our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta?
| 23,322 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w8fz5t/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_bf/
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2022-07-26 10:13:18
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nta. you may want to consider your relationship here.
did you tell your friends or bf that you were robbed? if yes and they acted like this then they are not your friends.
edit typo and nta ruling. wow, maybe i should go study for my (fake) law degree. 😁
to individuals thinking i'm actually studying for the bar, it was a joke. i only qualify for reddit judgements, even then i could be wrong.😊
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excuse me, your friends said what? omg i would be fuming. your boyfriend completely humiliated you and your friends, who were there, don't see this is a problem? dump the boyfriend and the friends, nta.
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excuse me, what? walk out of that restaurant,and his life. you shouldn't have had to ask him to pay for you in the first place if he was aware you had lost all your belongings. and saying "don't worry" implies he'll take care of it. jeez. leave him and don't look back.
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[removed]
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nta. after just being robbed, most behaviour is a bit forgivable honestly, so you could have been far worse and i'd still say nta.
considering you had just been robbed, even if he didn't owe you money i think he should have bought you dinner. hell, i think your friends should have offered too. it's an unusual situation to be in and a bit of a traumatic one and it's clear you weren't trying to mooch off anyone.
offering you a few bites of his meal was shocking behaviour. even if he was skint, which his meal choice suggests he wasn't, he could have ordered something small and got you something similar, ordered a larger plate and split it in half or offered to not eat in solidarity with you and eaten somewhere cheaper with you.
so many options were open apart from the one he chose.
edit for grammar.
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he owed you money! he should have paid your meal and not had one himself!!!!
this man is not worthy of being your boyfriend, and frankly unless the friends didn’t know the truth of the situation, they are awful also.
nta
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nta
you deserve so much better. telling you to not worry and then tell you that a bite of his food would be fine is such an ahole move.
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nta. your bf doesn't appear to have any intention of paying you back; if he could afford a nice meal for himself, he could have afforded to pay you what he owes you.
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[removed]
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nta. how was that low of you?
geez, looks like you need a new circle of friends and a new boyfriend. this is grade a unreliable and your friends are cool with him being an ah but not with you leaving after he literally told you "not to worry"? unbelievable.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap. he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient. yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money. when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal. i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left. our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had lent my bf some money few weeks ago because of something he needed and he promised to pay me back asap. he was supposed to pay me back 5 days ago but something came up and he didn't. i tried to be patient. yesterday we had planned to go out with some friends at night for dinner. yesterday after i came back from work i was robbed in the bus and i had all my money and cards stolen. i cancelled my cards but the bank customer service told me my new card with my new details (both physical card and the digital details for apple pay) would be available the following morning because the banks were closed that afternoon. so i had no money. when we went to dinner with my bf and friends i told my bf if he could just pay me back the money or at least pay for my meal since i have no money. he didn't exactly say yes or no, just a simple "don't worry". as we ordered he only ordered for himself and told me that he can't cover for mine at the moment so i better not order anything and just have some bites from his meal. i was so mad and frustrated because he had promised to give me back the money, he then claimed something came up and couldn't give them back but then ordered a nice meal for himself and just told me to get his scraps because he wouldn't pay me back or at least for my meal. i'd be the only one sitting there with no meal in front of me. i said this is ridiculous and i got up and left. our friends now believe it was very low of me to get up and leave and how i should just be polite and stay there. i can't quite understand that logic but is there any way i am ta? [/INST] nta. you may want to consider your relationship here. did you tell your friends or bf that you were robbed? if yes and they acted like this then they are not your friends. edit typo and nta ruling. wow, maybe i should go study for my (fake) law degree. 😁 to individuals thinking i'm actually studying for the bar, it was a joke. i only qualify for reddit judgements, even then i could be wrong.😊 </s>
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AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back?
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my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.
however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final.
the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused.
aita for putting my foot down on this?
| 35,033 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wgud9p/aita_flipping_out_on_my_fiance_for_cancelling_all/
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2022-08-05 12:35:25
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nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man.
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nta. so, he:
1. has no clue what vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning.
2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine.
3. doesn't respect your input and your money.
4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.
5. either can't stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.
that's a lot of things to be really angry about. why are you marrying this guy again?
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nta
are you _sure_ you want to marry this man and his family? they have no respect at all for you and yours.
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so you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family paying can eat. i’d cancel the wedding you nta, him and mummy massive massive ah’s
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nta, and easy fix. he cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding.
imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have any type of input on their upbringing...
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nta, unless you marry him.
he showed you who he is. believe him.
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nta and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together.
- he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family.
- he’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate
- he’s prioritising his mothers fragile feelings over your needs
i’m not the “break up” over anything type of person but… this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect.
and at his age … that’s worrying.
another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.
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definitely nta.
not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple.
he felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.
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nta
as someone who has been vegan/vegetarian for 15 years and very familiar with this kind of hostility from meat eaters, i beg of you to seriously reconsider your relationship. his family is one thing, but if he's so flippant about your lifestyle and makes comments about it not being real food, it means he doesn't respect you. especially if he's doing shit like this behind your back. doesn't seem like he's trustworthy. he sounds like the type of person that would intentionally feed you non vegan things because he thinks it's funny and would teach you a lesson.
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info: how many options are there in total?
so like 4-5 non vegan and 4-5 vegan meaning 8-10 options for meals? is this a buffet or restaurant reception?
or is this a multi-course menu and so there is essentially 1 vegan meal with 4-5 courses?
nta- because he did this behind your back without talking to you... but i'm wondering why he cares what other people eat?
also he's the ah for claiming he doesn't know what vegans eat. you're vegan... he knows you eat more than salad.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (31 male) and i (25 female) are getting married soon. there wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. my fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously. however, when deciding on the wedding food menu, i wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. my fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. they also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). i said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two i want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". i refused to argue about it and said it was final. the other day, i found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. i was seething. i called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. i went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. he was stunned to see me. he at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because i was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that i sort of made him resort to doing this after i kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were plenty of meat options why why can't i get 4-5 vegan options? when i'm paying for it?. he yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. my family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but i refused. aita for putting my foot down on this? [/INST] nta and for the love of god don’t marry this man. </s>
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AITA for making my friend send me a picture of her dressed so I can pick her up as she's constantly late?
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sorry for the confusing title but here we go.
i(20f) have been friends with "mia"(20f) for years now and she's one of my best friends. i love mia but there's one problem that annoys the hell out of me: she's constantly late.
whereever we go mia's at least an hour late, even when we pick her up at her house. i can't even count the times when mia asked me or our friends for a ride just to make us wait in front of her house in the car because she "still has to get dressed", "just came out of the shower" or "still has to eat". one time we were trying to pick mia up in the winter and she made us wait 30 minutes in front of her house because she had to do her makeup.
mia texting she's ready to be picked up just to make us wait in front of her house is a very common occurance. last week i kind of snapped. i tried picking mia up at her house and once i texted her that i was here she immideately texted back "just need to get dressed!". i ended up waiting 20 minutes in the car for mia.
quite frankly i'm sick of waiting, so yesterday mia needed a ride but i demanded she send me a picture of herself already dressed before i would leave my house to pick her up. mia was very mad at me and said she feels like i'm treating her like a baby.
so aita for making mia send me a picture of her already dressed before i picked her up?
| 18,726 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvto46/aita_for_making_my_friend_send_me_a_picture_of/
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2021-06-09 11:38:29
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nta. you are treating her like a baby. because she is acting like a baby.
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nta and you’re nicer than me.
at this point my response would be “ok i’ll come now - but if you’re not out in 5 minutes you’ll have to uber”
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nta: she doesn't respect your time, or anyone else's, she also doesn't understand the importance of time management.
if she wants to waste people's time she earned the rewards of it. she can do two things now, start getting ready 30 minutes to an hour early or keep having to send you photos that she is ready.
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nta - but just stop picking her up instead. tell her that she’s constantly wasting your time and she can find her own rides.
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when i read the title, my first thought was that you'd only seen her undressed, so you needed to see what she looked like with clothes on so you'd know who to look for.
anyway, nta. in fact, after a couple of times of mia making me wait a half hour in my car for her to come out of the house, i'd have just asked her if she knew about this new app called "uber" ...or maybe given her the number of a taxi company.
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i used to know a girl like that. i stopped making plans with her, and if any sort of travel was needed, i didn't invite her. eventually she realised what was happening, got angry and called us out. we told her that her disrespect for us and our time was why, and that the only one responsible was herself.
she lost two jobs in a year for being late everyday. she also arrived at her own wedding over an hour late, i was told. extremely selfish and entitled behaviour
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nta.
as a punctual person, let me tell you what you need to do. next time you show up and she isn't ready, leave her ass. i've done that with people, and once they know you will do it, they magically are much better at being on time. she'll either get an uber, or miss out on whatever you are doing that day. but, your request is much nicer than what she deserves at this point.
if she feels you are treating her like a baby, tell her that babies are better at being on time than she is.
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unconventional, but nta. your time is valuable.
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nta
not surprised to see a couple of people going “but what about adhd” or “you don’t know what she’s going through”
i have adhd. my roommate has adhd. my fwb has adhd. we all manage to be on time because we’ve developed coping mechanisms that help us to do so. i always plan to be at least 10-20 minutes early to things, that way if i get distracted i have a buffer. my roommate follows a set routine that she knows the exact length of so she knows when she needs to start getting ready. the fwb sets an alarm. there are ways to manage your adhd/executive function issues.
we have another friend with adhd who does not manage her symptoms, and is chronically late. she used to complain that we didn’t invite her to things or would start without her, so we had a come to jesus talk about her time management. she’s still late, but usually not by more than 10-15 minutes now so she gets invited to more things.
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nta. you can’t get mad people treat you like a child when you act like a child. it’s not like you’re just randomly deciding not to trust her.
she has no regard for other people’s time. if i were you i’d text her you were outside and then wait 20-30 min before you get there to show her how it feels to wait on other people.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry for the confusing title but here we go. i(20f) have been friends with "mia"(20f) for years now and she's one of my best friends. i love mia but there's one problem that annoys the hell out of me: she's constantly late. whereever we go mia's at least an hour late, even when we pick her up at her house. i can't even count the times when mia asked me or our friends for a ride just to make us wait in front of her house in the car because she "still has to get dressed", "just came out of the shower" or "still has to eat". one time we were trying to pick mia up in the winter and she made us wait 30 minutes in front of her house because she had to do her makeup. mia texting she's ready to be picked up just to make us wait in front of her house is a very common occurance. last week i kind of snapped. i tried picking mia up at her house and once i texted her that i was here she immideately texted back "just need to get dressed!". i ended up waiting 20 minutes in the car for mia. quite frankly i'm sick of waiting, so yesterday mia needed a ride but i demanded she send me a picture of herself already dressed before i would leave my house to pick her up. mia was very mad at me and said she feels like i'm treating her like a baby. so aita for making mia send me a picture of her already dressed before i picked her up?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sorry for the confusing title but here we go. i(20f) have been friends with "mia"(20f) for years now and she's one of my best friends. i love mia but there's one problem that annoys the hell out of me: she's constantly late. whereever we go mia's at least an hour late, even when we pick her up at her house. i can't even count the times when mia asked me or our friends for a ride just to make us wait in front of her house in the car because she "still has to get dressed", "just came out of the shower" or "still has to eat". one time we were trying to pick mia up in the winter and she made us wait 30 minutes in front of her house because she had to do her makeup. mia texting she's ready to be picked up just to make us wait in front of her house is a very common occurance. last week i kind of snapped. i tried picking mia up at her house and once i texted her that i was here she immideately texted back "just need to get dressed!". i ended up waiting 20 minutes in the car for mia. quite frankly i'm sick of waiting, so yesterday mia needed a ride but i demanded she send me a picture of herself already dressed before i would leave my house to pick her up. mia was very mad at me and said she feels like i'm treating her like a baby. so aita for making mia send me a picture of her already dressed before i picked her up? [/INST] nta. you are treating her like a baby. because she is acting like a baby. </s>
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AITA for how I handled a creep?
|
i (m28) and my wife (27) got into an argument over me confronting a coworker, during the beginning of the pandemic my wife and i lived apart due to the nature of my job and having a 3 month old.
one of her coworkers (36m) had previously asked her out and bought her flowers, she shut him down.
now upon finding out her and i were living apart, tried making many more advances going as far as driving 2.5 hours to where she was with her mom just to try and see her.
having had enough i walked into his place of work and confronted him, i had asked him multiple times to stop and he just laughed it off
he filed complaints to his workplace and wife's boss against me. i was asked not to return.
fast forward 6 months have a great job opportunity come up so we move. i get a message from a friend that this guy is trying to transfer to a location right were my wife and i moved to. i lost it. i drove 3 hours back to where we moved from, and went to his boss and explained the situation.
my wife now has been shunned and lost friends at her place of work over this. she said i embarrassed her and made it look like i'm a crazy person.
am i the asshole for how i handled this?
thank you so much.
apologies on the wording, made this post quickly, for reference she works in a public place, at a grocery store
update!!!!!! had a long conversation with my wife last night, she admitted to having a short lived affair, she broke it off and he keept pursuing. turns out she was shunned and lost friends due to people finding out she had an affair not because i confronted the coworker.
i appreciate all of the advice and thoughts.
| 3,685 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7mg24/aita_for_how_i_handled_a_creep/
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2021-06-25 12:11:31
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yta
why don't you respect and trust your wife enough to handle this ~~your~~herself?
what gives you the right to interfere with her work place.
she should have clearly filed a grievance on her own about undesired sexual advancements with hr, but this is for you to advise and then her to decide what to do.
so, yeah, you are a big old a.
time to apologize to your wife, and tell her that in the future you will trust her to handle her own life and issues.
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something is missing here...the action and reaction do not line up.
your wife has lost friends and is being shunned...because you talked to her stalkers boss? and if she is upset about how you handled it, there seems to be a piece of the story missing
completely how you presented it, you are nta, but how you presented it should not lead to the final reaction either
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uhm....i don't think people are taking this seriously. this is very bad stalker behaviour. driving almost 3 hours to visit her at her mom? moving locations to be in the same store as op's wife? he was told so many times to cut it out and yet he's not stopping.
i suggest you take it seriously, have a talk with your wife, learn why she doesn't want you to get involved. this is how women get murdered, stalked and when the stalker sees they don't get it their way they find a way to kill the victim. maybe i did read/watch took many crime documentaries....but all of them have this creepy dude going after someone they like.... this is not an aita post mate, talk to your wife, let her know your worries, you guys even have a baby....if she's still not phased then maybe you should let her know how women in her position are usually the easiest victims of murderers and rapists. take this to the authorities if necessary.
i used to work in a coffee shop at night and had this creepy guy that kept coming and saying to everyone else "no, i want her(pointing towards me) to make my coffee and take my order, only her" then he would proceed to ask all sorts of creepy questions like what's my schedule , where do i live, how old i am, where i study, if i live with family lol... so be careful, it really isn't a thing of being an asshole or not, it's how seriously you take this and what steps you both will take to ensure you and your baby are safe.
good luck, really...
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yta because your wife didn't want you to do this.
you've messed with her career and her life. she is her own person. you don't own her. so unless she asked you to specifically, you do not insert yourself into her work life and jeopardise her professional reputation with your possessive behaviour. there are many ways this could have been handled and all of them should have been led by her.
she could have gone to hr or the police. but it is about her. her career, her reputation, her choice.
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this seems well beyond the capabilities of aita, dude.
had your wife reported co-worker’s behaviour to hr, her boss, etc? cause it seems odd that no one had taken any action.
i think soft yta. ultimately it’s your wife’s choice for how to handle this. walking into this guy’s place of work, however justified you feel, is an over reach and could easily make you into the bad guy in the situation. that said, if her colleagues are shunning her in preference to a stalker, i’d be asking why she wants to work with these people.
did you ask your wife to speak to her boss, or did you just bull your way on in to mark your ground?
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info - ok, so do i have this timeline straight?
prior to 2020, your wife worked at a grocery store. she had a co-worker who asked her out, bought her flowers, etc. your wife shut him down.
theoretically in late 2019/early 2020, your wife has a baby and is no longer working at said grocery store. then the pandemic hits, and due to the nature of your job, she goes with the baby to stay at her mom's.
during this time and/or before, co-worker is texting her. your wife blocks him on all platforms. at some point she had also reported him to her boss (unclear as to whether she was working at the time she reported it?) but nothing was happening.
while your wife is staying at her moms, co-worker finds out this has happened and that you two aren't living together. so he drives to go see her. you find out he did this, and then go to his store in an attempt to confront him. you say you had previously asked him multiple times to stop at this point (when did this occur?), but this in-person confrontation results in him filing a complaint against you to his company, and you're asked not to return to the store location.
beginning of 2021, you and your wife move, and now your wife is working for the same company, but at a different grocery store location. you get a message from a friend that co-worker is now also trying to transfer to the same location. this is what causes you to drive back to your wife's old work location and confront his boss over the situation.
now, your wife is being shunned and has lost friends over this. she's embarrassed.
assuming i have that relatively straight...at any point did y'all consider going to the police to report this co-worker's stalking behavior? did y'all consider filing a formal complaint with corporate/hr of your wife's company? when you found out that the co-worker was trying to transfer to your wife's new location, did you tell her about it? what was her reaction? what did she want to do about the situation?
my judgement is that this co-worker is a stalker and is displaying dangerous behavior. you're not the a-hole for being very concerned about this and wanting to prevent him from getting transferred to your wife's new store. that said, i don't think you handled this appropriately and probably made the situation worse by getting directly involved with the co-worker/your wife's place of employment.
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just here for all the people calling this guy insecure and jealous for defending his wife and child against a genuine stalker.
the dude literally drove 2 and a half hours to see her, is trying to transfer to a location closer to her and laughed off op's reasonable request for him to just leave her the fuck alone.
stop just assuming that the man is guilty all the time, fuck is wrong with this sub i swear down??
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info. i need some more info.
why didn't your wife confront him? that guy is into her so she should either make the "no" understandable or file a complaint if he bothers her either at work or if he violates any privacy by appearing at her house etc.
>fast forward 6 months
>that this guy is trying to transfer to a location right were my wife and i moved to
is there reliable proof that this the result of stalker-ish behavior? it's been 6 months and i'm sure coincidences can happen, are you sure it isn't one?
also.... i see how you'd receive complaints and get called crazy, in my opinion there's no damn reason to bring your private issues into someone else's work place. you deal with that shit where it belongs to, not causing a scene at a company that ain't even yours. not gonna lie, i'd be mad af if my partner did that.
|
esh
he's creepy as hell but you handled it badly. you also undermined how your behavior was since you don't get kicked from a place and asked not to come back just by telling a person that.
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yta
it is _her_ problem to deal with, not yours unless specifically asked. and considering she's upset with you and embarrassed, it definitely seems like she didn't ask.
you don't get to control other people's behavior. even if they're in the wrong.
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| null |
INFO
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ESH
|
YTA
| 0.215724 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m28) and my wife (27) got into an argument over me confronting a coworker, during the beginning of the pandemic my wife and i lived apart due to the nature of my job and having a 3 month old. one of her coworkers (36m) had previously asked her out and bought her flowers, she shut him down. now upon finding out her and i were living apart, tried making many more advances going as far as driving 2.5 hours to where she was with her mom just to try and see her. having had enough i walked into his place of work and confronted him, i had asked him multiple times to stop and he just laughed it off he filed complaints to his workplace and wife's boss against me. i was asked not to return. fast forward 6 months have a great job opportunity come up so we move. i get a message from a friend that this guy is trying to transfer to a location right were my wife and i moved to. i lost it. i drove 3 hours back to where we moved from, and went to his boss and explained the situation. my wife now has been shunned and lost friends at her place of work over this. she said i embarrassed her and made it look like i'm a crazy person. am i the asshole for how i handled this? thank you so much. apologies on the wording, made this post quickly, for reference she works in a public place, at a grocery store update!!!!!! had a long conversation with my wife last night, she admitted to having a short lived affair, she broke it off and he keept pursuing. turns out she was shunned and lost friends due to people finding out she had an affair not because i confronted the coworker. i appreciate all of the advice and thoughts.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m28) and my wife (27) got into an argument over me confronting a coworker, during the beginning of the pandemic my wife and i lived apart due to the nature of my job and having a 3 month old. one of her coworkers (36m) had previously asked her out and bought her flowers, she shut him down. now upon finding out her and i were living apart, tried making many more advances going as far as driving 2.5 hours to where she was with her mom just to try and see her. having had enough i walked into his place of work and confronted him, i had asked him multiple times to stop and he just laughed it off he filed complaints to his workplace and wife's boss against me. i was asked not to return. fast forward 6 months have a great job opportunity come up so we move. i get a message from a friend that this guy is trying to transfer to a location right were my wife and i moved to. i lost it. i drove 3 hours back to where we moved from, and went to his boss and explained the situation. my wife now has been shunned and lost friends at her place of work over this. she said i embarrassed her and made it look like i'm a crazy person. am i the asshole for how i handled this? thank you so much. apologies on the wording, made this post quickly, for reference she works in a public place, at a grocery store update!!!!!! had a long conversation with my wife last night, she admitted to having a short lived affair, she broke it off and he keept pursuing. turns out she was shunned and lost friends due to people finding out she had an affair not because i confronted the coworker. i appreciate all of the advice and thoughts. [/INST] yta why don't you respect and trust your wife enough to handle this ~~your~~herself? what gives you the right to interfere with her work place. she should have clearly filed a grievance on her own about undesired sexual advancements with hr, but this is for you to advise and then her to decide what to do. so, yeah, you are a big old a. time to apologize to your wife, and tell her that in the future you will trust her to handle her own life and issues. </s>
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AITA for getting my aunt and uncle kicked out of their house for not letting my husband and I sleep together?
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i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont.
my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan.
my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent.
in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around.
during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room.
during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them.
the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that.
they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red.
i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name.
my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way.
the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again.
i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah.
i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
| 32,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x74x76/aita_for_getting_my_aunt_and_uncle_kicked_out_of/
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2022-09-06 08:18:23
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nta. i love your dad.
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nta
they insisted a hotel was not needed and then decided to disregard your marriage. the whole 'not married so separate rooms' thing was clearly an excuse before aswell.
it's entirely your father's decision who to let the house to, and you're within your rights to tell him what happened. just because he reacted as you expected him to doesn't make you an ah.
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nta- they played a cruel and stupid game and won a stupid prize. they insisted you and hubby stay exactly so they could do this, you told you father and he acted as he wanted. any family that doesn’t want them homeless can take them in.
i mean they having been benefiting from cheap rent for what 12years. they should have taken that time to save for a house or something maybe your dad just used this as an excuse to kick out a freeloading sibling and their family. and if their financial situation is such that this will truely leave them homeless then they should be smart enough not to be cruel to you.
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nta
i'm assuming your aunt and uncle sleep in separate beds since there are children in the house right?
they insisted on you staying but had the audacity to insult their guests and separate a married couple.
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nta - at the end of the day it's your father who made the decision to chuck them out, which he had every right to do. why would he continue to get reduced rent from family members who disrespect his son and son in law so badly?
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nta nta nta
i can't fault you for anything here. you are properly married and should be respected as such.
i admire you so much for standing up against these bigots who are supposed to be your family.
and hats off to your dad for standing by you. you're all awesome!
except aunt and uncle, who are certainly tas.
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nta they are just bigots who thought they would get a kick out of making y'all sleep in separate rooms. they fucked around and found out!
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nta and you didn't get them kicked out - your aunt and uncle did.
your aunt and uncle clearly set this up to abuse you and your husband and "take a stand" or whatever, i'm sorry you had to deal with that. and i'm glad your dad is so great!
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nta - your aunt and uncle behaved like jerks! play shitty games, win shitty prizes.
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nta. i'm a bit confused as to why the word "homeless" is being thrown around, instead of the bigoted aunt and uncle just needing to rent a different place (albeit for a higher rent or with less space, since your parents were giving a discount.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m27) am married to a man (m28). he is the love of my life. i had only ever dated women before him but when i met him i realized i was bi, and we fell in love. we got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. we now live in vermont. my whole family is from a small town in texas, a super conservative catholic area. i was raised there, but dad got a job in nyc when i was 15. the culture shock was difficult. we went from living in rural texas to living in an apartment in manhattan. my parents didn’t sell our house in tx, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. in college when i came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. my mom needed some time to accept. the rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. during visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. we didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. during covid we did not visit them. but this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and i. i wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and i stay with them. the 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. my aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. all 3 of us took issue with that. they snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. they said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. this hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. when my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. that’s when i saw red. i started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. i told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then i was going to tell my dad what just happened, and i was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. my bro seconded everything that i was saying. they started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, i responded that it wasn’t really their house. i told them they were going to be homeless if i had my way. the kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. my husband was on the porch crying, i promised him that i would never subject him to that again. i told dad what happened. to say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. he served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. i have been getting calls and texts and facebook messages from my family calling me ah. i want to know aita for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband? [/INST] nta. i love your dad. </s>
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AITA for telling my brothers new girlfriend that she’s not pretty enough to be that stupid?
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my twin brother and i have always been super close. he’s had his fair share of tragic relationships, his first girlfriend stole his car, second one was a drug addict, third lied about getting pregnant, he’s had a lot of drama. he’s kept himself out of the dating scene for a few years to focus on his career, and met his new girlfriend at the beginning of the year. i’ve met her a couple of times in passing, but up until last weekend my parents never had, so knowing that i was coming for dinner, they invited them both.
the night started off okay, she was polite and complimented me and my mother. she told us about her daughter and her job. it all went to shit when my dad asked her about college and what school she went to. she ended up saying she dropped out of high school at 15, which i stifled a laugh about because i knew my mom wouldn’t be happy, but then she started talking about the world and current events.
firstly, she said she didn’t realise until the covid outbreak that australia and new zealand were separate countries, she said that being muslim was an ethnicity, depression isn’t real, she got paris and new york mixed up, just a bunch of dumb shit that it honestly got to the point where i thought it was an act. i started laughing at one of her comments so she asked what was funny, i said “you’re joking right?” and she looked to my brother all confused so i said “come on you’re not pretty enough to be this dumb” and my brother slammed his knife down and asked to talk to me.
he started going on saying i have some massive superiority complex and that i can’t talk to people like that. i asked him what he saw in such a dumb bimbo and he got her and walked out. my dad found it hilarious but my mom didn’t and told me to leave. aita?
| 8,567 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8cics/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_new_girlfriend_that/
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2020-06-13 18:10:50
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yta you probably thought you were witty, but that is absolutely cringeworthy
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is it really that hard to just be nice to someone, even if they're dumb? there could have been a very serious reason why she dropped out of high school, and even if there wasn't it's extremely arrogant to laugh at something like that. and if she dropped out that early it's no surprise she's generally ignorant of the world. but again, that's no reason to be unkind to her. unless she's treating you like shit or being racist or something like that, she deserves basic kindness and respect from you. apologise to her. yta
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yta
first of all, people have more qualities than just dumb or hot. you said she was kind and considerate which are amazing, if undervalued, human qualities.
second, the person who comes across the worst here is you. you better hope you're the most beautiful person in existence to counterbalance the amount of ignorance, rudeness, arrogance, and complete lack of social skills you showed here.
finally i try not to pick apart people for grammar and writing online too much, but for someone who shit on someone for being dumb you certainly struggle to write a single sentence that isn't swimming with grammatical errors. try gaining literacy before calling other people a "dumb bimbo" because you're basically the pot calling the kettle black.
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yta - so you insulted her to her face
and then called her a “dumb bimbo” to your brother
and you honestly don’t think your an asshole?
both you and your father are assholes
your mother was right to ask you to leave and i wouldn’t be surprised if your brother limited contact with you over this and he would be right to
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[deleted]
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yta. you insulted her just for the sake of being shitty. just because you think something doesn't mean it has to come out of your mouth. keep it up, and you and your brother aren't going to be so close anymore, because he's going to get sick of being embarrassed by your behavior.
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ah just some casual raging misogyny.
the poor girl didn’t finish high school.
shut the fuck up about how she looks. seriously. fuck.
yta
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yta. i’d take a “dumb bimbo” over a nasty prick any day. at least she hasn’t chosen to behave as awful as you.
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yta: you sound so creepy.
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yep, yta. your mother is pissed that the manners she taught you didn’t hold.
do you seriously not know that you offended your brother and his gf? do you honestly think it’s okay to speak to people that way? the girl’s intelligence is completely irrelevant; she’s a human being.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my twin brother and i have always been super close. he’s had his fair share of tragic relationships, his first girlfriend stole his car, second one was a drug addict, third lied about getting pregnant, he’s had a lot of drama. he’s kept himself out of the dating scene for a few years to focus on his career, and met his new girlfriend at the beginning of the year. i’ve met her a couple of times in passing, but up until last weekend my parents never had, so knowing that i was coming for dinner, they invited them both. the night started off okay, she was polite and complimented me and my mother. she told us about her daughter and her job. it all went to shit when my dad asked her about college and what school she went to. she ended up saying she dropped out of high school at 15, which i stifled a laugh about because i knew my mom wouldn’t be happy, but then she started talking about the world and current events. firstly, she said she didn’t realise until the covid outbreak that australia and new zealand were separate countries, she said that being muslim was an ethnicity, depression isn’t real, she got paris and new york mixed up, just a bunch of dumb shit that it honestly got to the point where i thought it was an act. i started laughing at one of her comments so she asked what was funny, i said “you’re joking right?” and she looked to my brother all confused so i said “come on you’re not pretty enough to be this dumb” and my brother slammed his knife down and asked to talk to me. he started going on saying i have some massive superiority complex and that i can’t talk to people like that. i asked him what he saw in such a dumb bimbo and he got her and walked out. my dad found it hilarious but my mom didn’t and told me to leave. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my twin brother and i have always been super close. he’s had his fair share of tragic relationships, his first girlfriend stole his car, second one was a drug addict, third lied about getting pregnant, he’s had a lot of drama. he’s kept himself out of the dating scene for a few years to focus on his career, and met his new girlfriend at the beginning of the year. i’ve met her a couple of times in passing, but up until last weekend my parents never had, so knowing that i was coming for dinner, they invited them both. the night started off okay, she was polite and complimented me and my mother. she told us about her daughter and her job. it all went to shit when my dad asked her about college and what school she went to. she ended up saying she dropped out of high school at 15, which i stifled a laugh about because i knew my mom wouldn’t be happy, but then she started talking about the world and current events. firstly, she said she didn’t realise until the covid outbreak that australia and new zealand were separate countries, she said that being muslim was an ethnicity, depression isn’t real, she got paris and new york mixed up, just a bunch of dumb shit that it honestly got to the point where i thought it was an act. i started laughing at one of her comments so she asked what was funny, i said “you’re joking right?” and she looked to my brother all confused so i said “come on you’re not pretty enough to be this dumb” and my brother slammed his knife down and asked to talk to me. he started going on saying i have some massive superiority complex and that i can’t talk to people like that. i asked him what he saw in such a dumb bimbo and he got her and walked out. my dad found it hilarious but my mom didn’t and told me to leave. aita? [/INST] yta you probably thought you were witty, but that is absolutely cringeworthy </s>
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AITA for not wanting to go to my (26f) sister's (29f) wedding because of my insomnia?
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my sister (lets call her hanna) isn't speaking to me right now because i rsvp'd no to her wedding in january. my mom wants me to change my rsvp but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting i don't want to go anymore.
ever since i hit puberty i've had really really (really really really) bad insomnia. i usually go to bed around 6am, 7am, and wake up around 1pm, 2pm. i've tried to change my sleep style and i just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag. hanna knows this, but always "forgets" and tries to wake me up for family things whenever she visits home and i have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out.
when i got the invitation for hanna's wedding i was super excited for her, because she has always wanted a big wedding, and it looks like she is going to get it, and that might not be what i want/would want, but she does and that is exciting, and i can aknowledge that. but then i saw the timeline and there's a wedding brunch at 10am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party. i asked hanna if i could just come to the afternoon party (since i will be sleeping at 10am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since i'm her sister, i need to be there for the ceremony.
i laughed and told her there was no way i could be there on time, because it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. i probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous. if she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when i could actually attend. i work a full time job as a freelancer, just not normal hours because of my insomnia, so it really bugs me when people act like my time is worth less than theirs.
but now wedding preparations are happening at the house (the brunch is going to be here) and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the wedding. she wants me to apologize to hanna and be one of her bridesmaids. hanna isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants, but i just feel like she owes me the apology, not the other way around? but i might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe i need to suck it up because it's a tradition to have a morning breakfast or something.
aita?
| 4,763 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcf9fk/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_26f_sisters_29f/
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2022-12-04 17:11:42
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yta, for expecting events to be planned around you, for laughing, and for not caring enough about her wedding to consider talking to a doctor for help. if this happened in puberty, how did you attend high school?
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info: if you're sleeping a regular schedule of 6 am to 1 pm (of 7 to 8 hours) then that doesn't sound like insomnia, it sounds like you just have your sleep schedule off. have you talked to a doctor about this? do you have a diagnosis?
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yta i have a delayed circadian rythem, and it can suck- but i don't expect people to plan their *weddings* in the afternoon so i don't have to wake up early for one day. people with diurnal scheduals will adjust those sleep scheduals for specific events, we nocturnal folks can too.
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info: has a doctor actually diagnosed this as ‘insomnia’? because you *are* sleeping, just not at regular hours, which could be caused by any number of medical conditions.
either way, you’re still not in the right here.
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yta for laughing at your sister and expecting her to plan her wedding around your chosen sleep schedule.
people who work second and third shifts frequently have to plan ahead and adjust their schedules in order to attend family events or trips. it’s not easy but it’s definitely doable.
go to your doctor and start planning on how you can best change (temporarily) your sleep schedule so that you can be a part of your sister’s wedding. if you don’t, be prepared to face a lifetime of resentment or lc/nc as you continually miss family milestone events.
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yta
sleep disorders aren't automatically insomnia and since you can sleep for 6-8 hours straight that doesn't sound like insomnia at all. you have time to try and adjust your schedule between now and the wedding. also go see an actual specialist about this and not just your primary care physician.
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op, you don’t have insomnia. you get plenty of sleep. you likely have delayed sleep phase disorder. it’s when your natural sleep cycle is different from most people and makes you nocturnal.
a writer describes their experiences here:
https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/my-life-with-a-sleep-disorder-that-makes-me-nocturnal.html
all that said, your sister is essentially asking you to pull an all nighter. it’s uncomfortable but often doable for most people as a one off experience.
your sister is likely having an morning and afternoon wedding because it’s cheaper.
i don’t think your necessarily the a, especially since your family doesn’t seem to understand the severity of what they are asking from you. at the same time, i don’t think you’re doing enough to try to do something you really want to do. you *do* want to be there, correct?
either n a h or esh. it sounds like there is a lacking of communication and accommodation all around.
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yta - youre incredibly selfish. you want your sister to change her wedding for your abnormal sleep cycle.
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i have very similar issues and you can get to one event on time. you're also seemingly very unbothered by it - your only issue is that she's mad, are you not upset at the prospect of missing it???
you must have to get up for some stuff; meetings, interviews, appointments, travel bookings... i see someone has brought up school. again, i have similar issues and i do understand that it's more difficult that it sounds. but if something is important i have a series of (somewhat mental) things to do that will ensure i can get up and be present. the fact that you aren't even going to try to make it to her wedding does mean yta
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yta.
i have a 9-5 job and i have gotten up at 4am to make flights, and have gone to events after midnight.
if you refuse to in any way alter your sleep pattern, then fine, but realize it isn't consequence free. if you don't particularly like or care about your sister, then cool, putting sleep over her wedding is a fine choice. but, in your post you seem confused that your sister should appreciate that you are unable to wake up 2-3 hours earlier for the biggest day of her life, and that she owes you an apology for...being upset that you won't come to her wedding because you can't wake up early for one day?
you are a freelancer and the wedding is a month away, and you can't figure out how to try to set yourself up to be able to wake up a little early? that isn't people thinking your time is "less valuable" it is them rightly pointing out that you are inflexible to a point of damaging relationships. i work a 9-5pm job and i wake up at 6:30am everyday, so much so that even when i stay out late, i wake up at 6:30am. i will still show up for my friends who want to got a midnight drag show for their birthday, or wake up even earlier to drive to my friend's wedding, because i care for people around me and appreciate that sometimes to show we care, we have to do things that aren't 100% on our time and schedule.
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.067375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (lets call her hanna) isn't speaking to me right now because i rsvp'd no to her wedding in january. my mom wants me to change my rsvp but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting i don't want to go anymore. ever since i hit puberty i've had really really (really really really) bad insomnia. i usually go to bed around 6am, 7am, and wake up around 1pm, 2pm. i've tried to change my sleep style and i just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag. hanna knows this, but always "forgets" and tries to wake me up for family things whenever she visits home and i have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out. when i got the invitation for hanna's wedding i was super excited for her, because she has always wanted a big wedding, and it looks like she is going to get it, and that might not be what i want/would want, but she does and that is exciting, and i can aknowledge that. but then i saw the timeline and there's a wedding brunch at 10am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party. i asked hanna if i could just come to the afternoon party (since i will be sleeping at 10am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since i'm her sister, i need to be there for the ceremony. i laughed and told her there was no way i could be there on time, because it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. i probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous. if she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when i could actually attend. i work a full time job as a freelancer, just not normal hours because of my insomnia, so it really bugs me when people act like my time is worth less than theirs. but now wedding preparations are happening at the house (the brunch is going to be here) and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the wedding. she wants me to apologize to hanna and be one of her bridesmaids. hanna isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants, but i just feel like she owes me the apology, not the other way around? but i might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe i need to suck it up because it's a tradition to have a morning breakfast or something. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (lets call her hanna) isn't speaking to me right now because i rsvp'd no to her wedding in january. my mom wants me to change my rsvp but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting i don't want to go anymore. ever since i hit puberty i've had really really (really really really) bad insomnia. i usually go to bed around 6am, 7am, and wake up around 1pm, 2pm. i've tried to change my sleep style and i just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag. hanna knows this, but always "forgets" and tries to wake me up for family things whenever she visits home and i have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out. when i got the invitation for hanna's wedding i was super excited for her, because she has always wanted a big wedding, and it looks like she is going to get it, and that might not be what i want/would want, but she does and that is exciting, and i can aknowledge that. but then i saw the timeline and there's a wedding brunch at 10am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party. i asked hanna if i could just come to the afternoon party (since i will be sleeping at 10am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since i'm her sister, i need to be there for the ceremony. i laughed and told her there was no way i could be there on time, because it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. i probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous. if she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when i could actually attend. i work a full time job as a freelancer, just not normal hours because of my insomnia, so it really bugs me when people act like my time is worth less than theirs. but now wedding preparations are happening at the house (the brunch is going to be here) and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the wedding. she wants me to apologize to hanna and be one of her bridesmaids. hanna isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants, but i just feel like she owes me the apology, not the other way around? but i might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe i need to suck it up because it's a tradition to have a morning breakfast or something. aita? [/INST] yta, for expecting events to be planned around you, for laughing, and for not caring enough about her wedding to consider talking to a doctor for help. if this happened in puberty, how did you attend high school? </s>
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AITA for getting angry at my(m29) girl friend (f28) for hiding that she speaks Spanish?
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my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much.
katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany.
katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed.
when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda.
when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing.
my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her.
on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated.
she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her.
i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?
| 8,234 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgqjvw/aita_for_getting_angry_at_mym29_girl_friend_f28/
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2022-06-20 17:14:27
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yta it sounds to me like you are more jealous of the fact that she can speak spanish. maybe do some digging on your own insecurity’s before getting upset with your gf over being bilingual. she asked you if you spoke spanish and you don’t so she didn’t have to speak it around you. if i were you i’d be more than thrilled that she was able to communicate with your family in what i’m assuming is a lot of their first language. she wasn’t hiding this big secret or doing it to be malicious or hurt you.
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yta. forget the language aspect (of which you never actually asked) but accusing her of “sneakily” making her way into your family? what does that even mean? if you truly like her, you should be happy that they do too. you’re projecting your personal family issues onto her and it may make you lose the relationship.
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[removed]
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yta. you never once asked her if she spoke spanish, and if she’s german, she presumably speaks german as well. many people in europe speak more than one language. she wasn’t being sneaky or disrespectful, you just hadn’t asked her which languages she can speak. you’re being butt hurt over nothing, and i wouldn’t expect any sort of apology from your likely now ex girlfriend
also
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huh?? dude you’re expecting her to call you apologizing for what? yta. she’s not keeping some big dark secret. you didint speak spanish, why would she be having conversations with you in spanish or mentioning it. it should be positive she can connect to your family. if you get angry and shout at her over this, i hope she runs far away from the relationship.
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hey. mexican here.
spanish was something that was required at home, but not extremely relevant at school for myself. i had to learn english and switch it to my primary language in order to move forward in academics, socialization, etc. along the way because of shit narratives and personal insecurities; i lost interest in my native language.
my spanish is extremely broken, i can understand when people speak spanish, i can respond in english and spanish, but my spoken spanish alone is still uncultivated. i admit i feel shame, guilt, and anger when i can't find the confidence to connect with my own raza. i'm no saint nor am i saying i've never been petty about this position before.
there's a lot to unpack for yourself here.. relationship dynamics, family dynamics, inner dynamics.. so i can see why you got mad..
fact of the matter is though.. that your partner most likely didn't bring up the fact that she speaks fluent spanish because of your own disconnection to your native tongue. you didn't want to be subjected to questions about your own choices, which i understand and respect. so did she.
the fact that she was more than willing to connect with your family on their own comfort level isn't something to be mad about and you know that. you're upset about your own choices, and it's okay to feel guilt about not being as excited, interested, passionate, or invested in your own culture when it comes to the language. she's not in the wrong for knowing another language, or for making sure your comfort was first and foremost, or for making sure that your family was comfortable engaging with her on a level she knew she could meet them in.
she wasn't being sneaky, vindictive, she didn't lie, nor did she have bad intentions. you're just insecure about your own choices and you have a lot of habits to break down for yourself and the longevity of your future relationships.
there's not a way to sugar coat it, you're in the wrong and you could do well with better awareness of yourself.
so, yta. for unjustly yelling, embarrassing, judging, and invalidating your (most likely ex) girlfriend just because she was being a wholesome and diverse individual.
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oh wow, so to summarize- 1-your family speaks spanish, you don’t. 2 - your new gf is from germany where being multi-linguistic is the norm. 3. she asked if you spoken spanish, never pushed your “no”. 4. she can watch spanish tv and seamlessly fit into your family at the first meeting prompting praising from the matriarch whom i will assume has high standards for her grandchildren’s partners. finally - you were embarrassed that you were caught off guard (never asking) and decided to take it out on her and actually act pretty petty and shitty.
you want an apology? dude, you just blew a seriously good thing.
edited for bc your are being ridiculous- i live in the midwest and i speak spanish (since 8th grade), farsi (usaf) and a bit of mandarin bc i wanted to learn.
second edit for judgement (i was reminded, thank you btw), if you haven’t guessed - giant, huge ridiculously big yta
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yta. this sounds like troll bait, but if it isn’t, i’m glad katia found out what you’re really like early in the relationship. your brother is right, you are a fool, and now you’re about to lose your gf.
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yta. you never asked if she spoke spanish. how does her speaking spanish with your family make you look bad exactly? your family sounds like they adore her and you're so caught up in your own inferiority complex to recognize you found a catch of a woman. of course she's not going to apologize, she didn't do anything wrong. you need to if you want to save this relationship.
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are you mad because you cant speak spanish, or because she can?
yta either way; you never asked so she never said anything. it's only been 3 months, it wouldve come up eventually if your relationship lasted longer (assuming she doesn't have to wait too long for you to apologize)
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much. katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany. katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed. when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda. when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing. my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her. on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated. she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her. i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family is from mexico but i was born in the us. i am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak spanish, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but i never really cared for it that much. katia (my girlfriend) knows i am mexican and she asked if i spoke spanish but when i said no, she didn’t push which i found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. she never said she spoke spanish but i remember her watching something and hearing spanish but i figured she had subtitles on. if it’s important, kate is from germany. katia and i have been together for 3 months. it’s not long but it’s been intense. my grandmother had birthday on saturday and my family threw her a huge part. i invited katia to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. katia agreed. when we got there, everyone switched to english to speak to kate but they quickly went back to spanish. i went to grab a beer and came back to find katia talking to my aunt, in spanish (!). i came over and played it cool, telling her i didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda. when katia was with me, she spoke english but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. it made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken spanish, it was full on, fluent spanish and she understood my fast speaking relatives. i got really annoyed with her but said nothing. my grandma told me how much she loved katia and how she’s happy i found such an amazing girl. all my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her. on our way back, i got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, i told her that i feel betrayed that she hid she spoke spanish and how she made a fool of me out there. i admit i was shouting because i was so angry. i felt humiliated. she asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. i accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually . she asked if i was being serious and i confirmed. she called me a jerk and left my apartment. i was too angry to stop her. i am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since saturday night. i told my brother about it and he told me i am the fool but i really feel disrespected by katia. aita for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language? [/INST] yta it sounds to me like you are more jealous of the fact that she can speak spanish. maybe do some digging on your own insecurity’s before getting upset with your gf over being bilingual. she asked you if you spoke spanish and you don’t so she didn’t have to speak it around you. if i were you i’d be more than thrilled that she was able to communicate with your family in what i’m assuming is a lot of their first language. she wasn’t hiding this big secret or doing it to be malicious or hurt you. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend her parents bought her house, not her?
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the title sounds bad but hear me out.
backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks.
the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.
| 37,886 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/odfif9/aita_for_telling_my_friend_her_parents_bought_her/
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2021-07-04 07:26:01
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nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all.
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nta. your friend definitely is. the employee probably just wanted to know if you rent your house or own it but the way he worded the question totally merited the "i bought it" answer. you didn't want to get more personal than that, but your friend decided to start playing games. is she normally competitive with you? because that's what it sounds like. this whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. i am sorry about the circumstances for your home ownership.
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nta. holy crap, what would possess anyone to say this then *grin*?! i would argue that any person that revels in pointing out your deep personal loss to one up you to a total stranger is not your friend.
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nta. your friend started the “let’s tell the truth” game, not your fault if you played along.
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nta
what a gross thing to say. why do people have such an issue with others inheriting? their parents died ffs. you were so within your rights to snap back like that and i’m glad you did.
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“she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn’t afford to own without her parents help.”
can she not see the absolute obvious thing that you both only own homes because you got them from your parents? you’re in similar situations to each other overall. she was lucky hers were able to help her while they’re still alive. i’m sorry for your loss.
she was the one that felt compelled to share your personal information with a store worker for no good reason and then didn’t like it when you did the same to her. you wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t opened her mouth in the first place.
she needs to grow up and accept she is only a homeowner because she got help from her parents. there is no shame in this, given how awful the housing market is everywhere.
nta
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nta. how on earth are your friends split 50/50 on this? what is their logic? she was being all smug and gloating about the house you just inherited after a tragic loss!!! who does that? and then she wants to play the victim?? this woman is not your friend and anyone who can't see that she's the ah is just being weird.
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i am sorry for your loss, op
i would say nta because, frankly speaking, it does not matter in that situation how you got a home. an employee just tried to have a polite conversation and you answered in a way that is less awkward. your friend didn't have to pull that.
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the way i see it, you were gifted a house that your parents lived in, and she was gifted a house that her parents didn't live in. there's not much difference.
nta, but your 'friend' is and personally i'd be reevaluating this 'friendship'. friends don't try to one up each other, score points, or put you down.
you deserve better then this. if anyone spoke to me like that, it would definitely be the last time i ever went shopping with them.
what's so great about this upity b****, that she's worth the abuse? like others have said, she was just rude, and it was completely unsolicited.
>for the record
what record? in her head you are adversaries. imagine what she must think of you, for her to have to say that.
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nta. she was being needlessly rude.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds bad but hear me out. backstory: i (f28) have a friend (f28) who purchased a house late last year. it's an awesome 2 story town house and i've been over there plenty of times to help out with moving/decorating and for hanging out. as mentioned in the title, her parents purchased the house for her and her partner. i truly have no issue with this as the housing market is terrible for buyers so more power to them for being home owners. i recently, unfortunately inherited my parents house, which is 3 bedroom, out in the sticks. the issue: we went appliance shopping because most of the the stuff in the house was 10-15 years old. we were standing with an employee who i had asked to recommend some smaller items like toasters and kettles when the employee asked if i was moving out as general chit chat. i told him i was moving, and he asked whether i bought or rented. i told him bought, because it was just easier and less awkward than telling him i inherited the house. he told me that was cool and began talking about the toasters again when my friend cut in that i had inherited my house, not purchased it. the employee went quiet and i gave her a "what was that" face. i was taken aback, she continued on saying "yeah, *i* purchased my house". i asked "does it really matter? i'm here to buy some kitchen appliances not tell this guy my personal issues." she grinned and said "it's just for the record" which made me more confused and annoyed. (you can probably see where this is going) i replied "oh okay then if it's just for the record your parents purchased your house for you." the employee quickly retreated and she walked outside of the shop. i caught up with her and she said i was a massive asshole for pointing out she couldn't afford to own without her parents help. i returned with a very similar "my parents also helped me with getting a house too, just in a really terrible way." my partner agrees with me, saying that she's the one that opened that door, but our other friends are split almost 50/50. [/INST] nta. she doesn't get to be catty and look down on you for how you each got your homes. it seems like an odd disconnect that she feels superior about it at all. </s>
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AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?
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i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita
| 70,805 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/
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2020-05-26 23:35:45
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nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall.
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nta! how do you have the nerve to do something like that in someone’s home? she isn’t even your wife!! she went too far and i say you dodged a bullet.
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nta: holy shit, definitely not the asshole. that’s like your girlfriend selling a dog out from under you while you are on a business trip because she didn’t like it!
the audacity. if she didn’t like it, she could’ve just ignored it. the most toxic part is that she sees no issue. your property, your house, she throws it away? and if any judge knows the worth of that car they would understand suing her for the costs. let alone the time you spent on it.
that’s a hobby, and a damn good one. if she couldn’t support you and your project, that probably would’ve been a red flag for anything you do later on. i think this is all justified.
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nta. my husband has several old cars. i haven't seen the inside of the garage in twenty years. but he loves his hobby cars and i would never dream of asking him to lose one. i say take her to court. be sure you sue for replacement cost. the impalas are getting hard to come by and you may have to pay more than you think. oh, and congrats on dodging the bullet with that one. if she pulled this crap in the first year. just think what she would be trying after a couple of kids and ten years of marriage.
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nta. what is with this sub and terrible so's who don't respect their partner's property and passions? like how the fuck did she expect you act?! *oh, yay you completely destroyed my passion project while also causing a considerable financial loss. but at least your car is in the garage!* 🙄
she wasn't very bright, being dumped, and sued is the most predictable outcome from this scenario.
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completely, definitely, whole-heartedly nta!!!!!! what a horrid human being! what a selfish, ungrateful and disgusting human being!
‘67 impala?!?!
i want to sue her too! i’m going to sue her for making you have to post this and causing me emotional distress!
is there like a gofundme for suing people?! cause i’ll contribute.
gosueher.com?
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i would file a police report and see if there was any way that you could get her prosecuted. nta.
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nta.
relationship wise: this was a gross overstep on her part just to get her way on something minor. ending the relationship immediately was the right thing to do.
legal wise: don’t destroy something you can’t afford to replace. take her down, let her pay it off over the next few years.
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nta. i can make an educated guess as to why it was a 67 impala, and i am horrified for you. that’s straight up theft. if that’s how she treats your baby, imagine what else she’ll feel free to dispose of.
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nta. on a normal day this would be bad enough, but as a petrolhead this really has got my blood boiling i can only imagine how much this meant to you. i am so sorry this has happened to you. i am so sorry is there anyway you could get the car back?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll try to keep this short. i had a [1967 impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/hlbpptf.jpg) that i bought in feb 2019. a couple months ago i bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. i moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. i had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. about two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. she wants to park in the garage but i have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. i tell her tough luck its my house and its not like i can just throw it back together real quick. anyways i was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company i work for. when i got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. i though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then i realized that i didn't see her car in it's usual spot. i asked her where she parked so i could make sure i mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. i asked how and she told me to go check it out. turns out that while i was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. i was absolutely dumbfounded. i had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. i told her that i was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like i was being dramatic. i told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. i admit i was a really angry but i did end up getting a lawyer, and as i have all the receipts for all that money spent and i have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all i think i can win. her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money i spent, and that i should just let it go. but i have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if i am not going to get justice for what she did. aita [/INST] nta - sue her ass. sue her for the cost plus a few extra thousand for the time and money. have her prosecuted for theft, destruction of private property and have the guys that came to get it prosecuted for receiving stolen goods. nail them all to the wall. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to speak French or leave my house?
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my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her.
my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita?
| 11,779 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gfznjc/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_speak_french_or/
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2020-05-08 19:21:11
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yta. in what possible universe are you not the asshole here?
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yta.
imagine how it feels to be the boyfriend. would you want to go somewhere where you couldn't understand a single word being said?
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yta. what a terrible ultimatum. you are being unreasonable
also there is a great irony about you writing this in english. i hope you see that
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yta
if you want to live in a place where people only speak french, go to france. or as i understand, some parts of canada. but i’m betting people speak english there, too.
all you’re going to do is ensure your daughter won’t want to communicate with you. then when you haven’t heard from her in five years you’ll wonder why she never told you she got an awesome job, got married, had a child...
put your wonky heritage on the back burner. your daughter is a person. she is more important than what language is spoken. if you’re really willing to throw her out over this you need to re-evaluate your priorities in life.
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yta.
she is speaking in english so he's boyfriend won't have to sit there in awkward silence since he can't contribute to the conversation. is it that difficult to speak english while her boyfriend is visiting for like an hour?
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yta.
if your daughter's boyfriend is an invited guest in your home and you are insisting that everyone in the house speak a language he doesn't understand and can't speak, then you're the asshole.
plus you told her to leave in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
massively yta.
and as an aside, this is the exact way to make sure that at least your one daughter decides to never speak french again, especially around you. it's one thing to be proud of your family heritage an want to make sure it continues. it's another thing to be a jerk about it.
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oui, t'es con. tu lui as demandé de sortir pendant une pandémie -- à moins que tu sois imbécile, tu sais absolument que ce virus tue.
elle peut sortir avec n'importe qui, même un anglophone ou un allophone. vas-tu lui demander de ne plus rendre visite à ta fille car il ne connaît aucun mot de français ? c'est ridicule, surtout quand il y a beaucoup de familles mixtes qui parlent plusieurs langues dont une est la mienne.
merde, alors....
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this is a joke right? give me one good reason why you need to force her to speak french. until then yta. it one thing if all the members of the house are okay with speaking a certain language inside the house, but if one person doesn't then you're an ass for trying to force them.
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yta.
here's the ironic thing.
you have no issue typing out this entire post in fluent english, yet your daughter wants to speak in english and you threatened to throw her out on the streets?
you're a real asshole, you know that?
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yta. you are so obviously the asshole it hurts.
think of how your daughter's bf must feel. this is a scary, uncertain, alienating time for everyone right now and you're making it so much worse for him. he's stuck inside, away from his family, and can't talk to anyone in your household besides your daughter. imagine how alone he must feel.
you've done an amazing thing to preserve your french culture by making sure all your kids are fluent in french. all this little stunt is doing is perpetuating the stereotype that french people are pricks.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her. my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my grandparents escaped france at the start of wwii. they lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in america. so my french ancestry is very important to me. i speak french and my four children speak french. i am a single dad. two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. my oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her. my children and i all speak french to each other inside the house. ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak french. i will ask her a question in french and she will answer in english. i asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking french except him. i told her that she can speak french or leave. now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think i was too harsh. aita? [/INST] yta. in what possible universe are you not the asshole here? </s>
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AITA for telling a tourist she asked me the dumbest question I've ever heard in my life?
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i'm a tour guide at the dmz (the border between north and south south korea) and on our bus someone raised their hand and asked "since your last name is kim, does that mean you're related to kim jun un?" to which i responded with "that is the dumbest question i've ever been asked and i think the answer is quite self evident"
whole bus laughs their asses off. they approached me in private and said i was so unnecessary rude to them and they demand an apology. i refused. they contacted my boss who was not please especially since they left bad reviews.
| 7,581 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j92740/aita_for_telling_a_tourist_she_asked_me_the/
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2020-10-11 09:07:16
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yta man, just because someone is ignorant is not an excuse to be rude to them. this is doubly true in a professional context where you are literally payed to be civil and answer questions
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i mean, i’m not going to call you an asshole, but that wasn’t a very smart reply considering you’re job is to answer questions from tourists.
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yta back in college i worked at an amusement park in the summer. during training they told us that we would get asked the question “what time does the ten o’clock laser light show start ?” and we had to smile and say ten o’clock. i was like no way people will be that dumb and ask that. but guess what? it did happen. i got asked the super dumb question and i had to smile and say 10. it’s called customer service.
thank you for the gold kind redditor!
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yta
that's a pretty dumb question, but some people are pretty dumb. there's no need to make an entire bus of people laugh at them like the mean kid in a 90"s sitcom.
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yta maybe it could just be the way you talk but it was dumb of you to reply her in that manner. in fact l think she asked a good question. "are you related to kim the dictator?" "no because my kim and his kim is from different family crests." "no we aren't relatives." people do get curious and ask questions sometimes sounding silly. however they don't know thats why they asked. don't shame them for that which they don't know.
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yta. your job is to answer questions politely and you were very rude, condescending and ridiculing a customer with your answer. yes, the question was stupid but it's not your call to say it out loud.
i work education and would get a severe warning if i ever answered any of my students in a similar fashion.
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yta i think you're in the wrong job if you can't handle a question like that. it may not be common knowledge among non koreans that kim is a very common surname.
why would you humiliate a customer?
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for a sub that loves to throw around the phrase ‘play stupid games, win stupid prizes’, everyone’s getting really upset by someone giving a stupid answer to a stupid question.
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nta
wtf, that person literally insulted you to your face by saying that. you should be the one getting an apology. it's common sense as you said.
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i feel like i am somewhat in the twilight zone here, given the current top comment. but no, you are nta.
we don't need to be polite to people who are being racist at us, even if we work in customer service. and yes, one common example of racism is thinking that 2 people of the same ethnicity that you are not a member of might be related because they share a name.
this goes double if you are visiting a country/culture that you are not intimately familiar with, triple if the person is relatively "famous" and so you are asking without any knowledge of either party.
yes they were ignorant, and ignorance can be helped - but they were also racist and in the hierarchy of shit-you-don't-need-to-deal with, racism beats ignorance.
also to everyone saying that it's ops job to educate them - why? if you think it's because they are of the affected ethnicity, guess what? that's racist! and if you think it's because they work in customer service, then you are ignorant and should refrain from forcing customer service reps to interact with you until you are consciously aware that being a customer service personnel does not mean you have to be polite to racists.
noone needs to be polite to racists.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.216506 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a tour guide at the dmz (the border between north and south south korea) and on our bus someone raised their hand and asked "since your last name is kim, does that mean you're related to kim jun un?" to which i responded with "that is the dumbest question i've ever been asked and i think the answer is quite self evident" whole bus laughs their asses off. they approached me in private and said i was so unnecessary rude to them and they demand an apology. i refused. they contacted my boss who was not please especially since they left bad reviews.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a tour guide at the dmz (the border between north and south south korea) and on our bus someone raised their hand and asked "since your last name is kim, does that mean you're related to kim jun un?" to which i responded with "that is the dumbest question i've ever been asked and i think the answer is quite self evident" whole bus laughs their asses off. they approached me in private and said i was so unnecessary rude to them and they demand an apology. i refused. they contacted my boss who was not please especially since they left bad reviews. [/INST] yta man, just because someone is ignorant is not an excuse to be rude to them. this is doubly true in a professional context where you are literally payed to be civil and answer questions </s>
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AITA for telling my dad that if he choses to attend my step-brother's graduation then he better forget about me?
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i'm an only child and my(18f) parents divorced when i was 8, my dad remarried when i was 12 and for a while everything was fine, but after a few years of living there with them i started to notice that my dad preferred my step-brother (13 now), they did more things together and started to ditch me to go to his games, his plays, his tournaments. for every 10 things i invited him, he only attended to 1 maybe 2. his wife always gave excuses; ''(her son) is younger than me'', ''they are really close'', ''his dad is not involved'' and told me that at least, i was lucky to have a dad with me and specifically one who was willing to ''share his love''.
well my mom told him sad shit and gather all this things to aim for sole custody when i was 13 and won it, only then i saw my dad being hurt for me ''being taken away'' because in his eyes i was his little girl and him his little boy. i started to spend some time with my dad but only if he picked me up to do it, he still missed most of my things and i've always resented him and his other family for it.
since this is my last year i had a lot of significant activities, i had my last debate, my last volleyball game, i won best essay in my class, got into best 20 alumni and finally went to pick my prom dress, some (if not all) of these things he missed because he was working or attending something regarding his family and i can't have it anymore.
my graduation is dec 15, the same as my step-brother's elementary school and when i told my dad he said that he would see if he could make it *which meant he wouldn't* so i came clear. i said that, while graduating elementary school is nice and yeii for him, i'm graduating high school and i'm on my way to university so he can't really compare those things and, if he chose my sb's graduation he better forget about me.
his wife flipped and told me that i was taking my sb's dad away from a big day and i was being a spoiled brat, i told her that i couldn't be an spoiled brat if i was being ignored the whole fucking time and that i wasn't talking to her, my dad looked shocked so i said that he could be there for once or he can miss forever and left... but now that i'm cooled off i'm starting to feel bad, i love my dad to pieces i just want him there for me too and i surely don't want to hurt a little kid. i was wondering if i was an ah for acting how i did because he's paying half of my college fund and i gave him an ultimatum, plus my dad is not prone to confrontation while my mother and i are.
| 18,290 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtibq3/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_if_he_choses_to/
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2021-11-14 04:50:01
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nta. this is your high school graduation? and he’s considering missing it for your stepbrothers elementary school graduation? that’s messed up. also, why is he graduating elementary school at 13? that seems old for that?
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nta. passing elementary school isn't really an achievement, but high school is, especially with the honors you have. you can't spend your life waiting for your dad to show you the same support he does his step son. they say you should be thankful you have a dad who loves you but if he ditches you in favor of your step brother all the time, how lucky are you really? that's not sharing love, that's playing favorites, and it's trash.
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nta your step mom may say that he didn’t have a active bio dad but neither did you because your father cares more about his stepson then his biological child. you didn’t have a father growing up. you had someone who acted like they care.
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nta. your ultimatum might have been a bit intense, but i don’t blame you for it. years of observing and experiencing neglect wears on a person. you’re 100% right, an elementary graduation doesn’t compare to a high school one, don’t let anyone gaslight you into believing that your milestone doesn’t trump an elementary school graduation. your stepmom sounds like a nightmare, and she’s probably been more behind your father’s time management than you realize. her disillusion that your dad has more parental responsibility to her son than he does to you is bananas. if you feel like you need to clear the air with your dad, i would suggest speaking to him in a place free of your stepmom and being ready to lay all of this on the table for him to see. he must have had the impression that his absence hasn’t been bothering you, but i think it’s time he woke up.
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nta, but i suggest you make a extensive list of things that your dad missed that was important to you. show him why you feel neglected as his daughter. add the reasons he gave if you can remember.
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nta. sometimes it takes a shock to the system like this for people to get their head's out of their ass and realize what they stand to lose. hopefully your father gets his act together before it's too late.
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nta.
not to hijack your story, but i went through something similar. my dad was in the military and started a second family after he and my mother divorced. he spent his leave time with them. when my older brother graduated, he didn’t show up. when my graduation was coming, he told me he could not come because he had to take classes for work. i fell apart. i told him i didn’t have to understand because i had done nothing but understand for eleven years. i told him i deserved to have him there and it wasn’t my fault that he had missed so much. he was stunned. he also came to my graduation. our relationship improved tenfold. we are very close now.
i share this because it is somewhat similar to your experience. i don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t come, but i know i would not have regretted calling him out.
it isn’t your fault that your stepbrother’s father passed away. it isn’t your fault that your graduation and his event happen on the same day. you do not deserve to miss out on having your father there.
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nta - i think you are correct he can attend step-son’s high school graduation. it should be a no brained that he attend your graduation and step-mom can go to her sons.
does your dad live in the same town or within driving distance? i’m so sorry you feel replaced by your step brother. i think it is past time for your father to hear how you have been feeling for years. is this the first time you have told him? it sounds like his wife knew but before but did he?
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“my dad is not prone to confrontation”
he has *chosen for years* to avoid any confrontation with his new wife, and taken advantage of *your love* as you have refrained from making him feel uncomfortable by clearly telling him that all of that has been *at your expense*.
how the heck he was surprised about the custody changes and that didn’t prompt anything from him is amazing. i read this and thought “damn right” when i read what you said! good for you!!!
don’t feel bad and do not apologise. you need to leave this with him to stew, and he can make him decision. he owes you an apology and a total and equivocal “i am attending your graduation”. anything less is unacceptable.
and btw, he’s paying your college fund bc it’s the least he can do. he owes you that, don’t your dare feel guilty! nta
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nta.
my dad did a bit of the same. never showed up for anything concerning us. never had money for us. never took the time to make time for us but he would do it all when he had stepkids. when he had stepkids he became abusive and neglectful to his biokids and would go back to being more attentive when single, which was rare. fast forward nearly 15 years after my mom got full custody of me and we are extremely low contact. we wish each other happy birthday by text. that's it. he doesn't know my medical history and doesn't care. doesn't know where i live now after i lost my previous appartment to a fire where he had a girlfriend at the time and made sure i knew i couldn't go live at his place even if he had 3 empty bedrooms. i never asked and wouldn't have considered an invite but still. he knows i'm engaged because his brother saw the announcement on facebook and refused to meet my fiancé. hell i'm pregnant and don't intend to tell him. his neglect made both of us stop caring and sometimes he asks my brother why? why don't i reach out? why don't i care? and i really don't care. when i needed him he was neglectful and abusive, why would i care now that i don't need him? it's a natural progression.
you are fighting for this lack of care not happen in your relationship. i never did. you are putting your sanity on the line to keep him in your life but relationship are a 2 way street and you just reminded your dad of that fact. you cannot be the only to try, the only one to send invitations or the only to care. he needs to realize that before it is too late. but i would look into therapy right now for yourself to talk about those fears he won't show up and about this unhealthy relationship. you need to learn to set boundaries in a healthy non emotional way. because yelling ultimatums is not healthy and can backfire on you. all in all you deserve better and your dad is a blind idiot that needs a kick up where the sun don't shine.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm an only child and my(18f) parents divorced when i was 8, my dad remarried when i was 12 and for a while everything was fine, but after a few years of living there with them i started to notice that my dad preferred my step-brother (13 now), they did more things together and started to ditch me to go to his games, his plays, his tournaments. for every 10 things i invited him, he only attended to 1 maybe 2. his wife always gave excuses; ''(her son) is younger than me'', ''they are really close'', ''his dad is not involved'' and told me that at least, i was lucky to have a dad with me and specifically one who was willing to ''share his love''. well my mom told him sad shit and gather all this things to aim for sole custody when i was 13 and won it, only then i saw my dad being hurt for me ''being taken away'' because in his eyes i was his little girl and him his little boy. i started to spend some time with my dad but only if he picked me up to do it, he still missed most of my things and i've always resented him and his other family for it. since this is my last year i had a lot of significant activities, i had my last debate, my last volleyball game, i won best essay in my class, got into best 20 alumni and finally went to pick my prom dress, some (if not all) of these things he missed because he was working or attending something regarding his family and i can't have it anymore. my graduation is dec 15, the same as my step-brother's elementary school and when i told my dad he said that he would see if he could make it *which meant he wouldn't* so i came clear. i said that, while graduating elementary school is nice and yeii for him, i'm graduating high school and i'm on my way to university so he can't really compare those things and, if he chose my sb's graduation he better forget about me. his wife flipped and told me that i was taking my sb's dad away from a big day and i was being a spoiled brat, i told her that i couldn't be an spoiled brat if i was being ignored the whole fucking time and that i wasn't talking to her, my dad looked shocked so i said that he could be there for once or he can miss forever and left... but now that i'm cooled off i'm starting to feel bad, i love my dad to pieces i just want him there for me too and i surely don't want to hurt a little kid. i was wondering if i was an ah for acting how i did because he's paying half of my college fund and i gave him an ultimatum, plus my dad is not prone to confrontation while my mother and i are.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm an only child and my(18f) parents divorced when i was 8, my dad remarried when i was 12 and for a while everything was fine, but after a few years of living there with them i started to notice that my dad preferred my step-brother (13 now), they did more things together and started to ditch me to go to his games, his plays, his tournaments. for every 10 things i invited him, he only attended to 1 maybe 2. his wife always gave excuses; ''(her son) is younger than me'', ''they are really close'', ''his dad is not involved'' and told me that at least, i was lucky to have a dad with me and specifically one who was willing to ''share his love''. well my mom told him sad shit and gather all this things to aim for sole custody when i was 13 and won it, only then i saw my dad being hurt for me ''being taken away'' because in his eyes i was his little girl and him his little boy. i started to spend some time with my dad but only if he picked me up to do it, he still missed most of my things and i've always resented him and his other family for it. since this is my last year i had a lot of significant activities, i had my last debate, my last volleyball game, i won best essay in my class, got into best 20 alumni and finally went to pick my prom dress, some (if not all) of these things he missed because he was working or attending something regarding his family and i can't have it anymore. my graduation is dec 15, the same as my step-brother's elementary school and when i told my dad he said that he would see if he could make it *which meant he wouldn't* so i came clear. i said that, while graduating elementary school is nice and yeii for him, i'm graduating high school and i'm on my way to university so he can't really compare those things and, if he chose my sb's graduation he better forget about me. his wife flipped and told me that i was taking my sb's dad away from a big day and i was being a spoiled brat, i told her that i couldn't be an spoiled brat if i was being ignored the whole fucking time and that i wasn't talking to her, my dad looked shocked so i said that he could be there for once or he can miss forever and left... but now that i'm cooled off i'm starting to feel bad, i love my dad to pieces i just want him there for me too and i surely don't want to hurt a little kid. i was wondering if i was an ah for acting how i did because he's paying half of my college fund and i gave him an ultimatum, plus my dad is not prone to confrontation while my mother and i are. [/INST] nta. this is your high school graduation? and he’s considering missing it for your stepbrothers elementary school graduation? that’s messed up. also, why is he graduating elementary school at 13? that seems old for that? </s>
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AITA for eating a lot at a wedding buffet?
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i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight.
my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute.
this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception.
i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home.
now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating.
she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended.
once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done.
i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit?
| 13,668 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d7ee4u/aita_for_eating_a_lot_at_a_wedding_buffet/
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2019-09-21 18:41:36
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yta - there's a big difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. if you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen.
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this is where you were the asshole.
>**i don't know if this matters, but i was mainly eating chicken and lamb, not veggies or rice/bread.**
when you want to eat a lot of something, you don't take all the best parts and leave the dense carbs. you should have been eating some bread and rice as well.
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yta. not only did you eat way more of your fair share of the buffet, you mainly ate the proteins, meaning you likely took someone elses portion.
and "we contributed". no, your parents may have contributed, but unless you personally sent your aunt $150+ you definitely did not cover three plates of food for yourself.
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yta. for trying to go back for thirds. going back for seconds, ok i would let that slide but taking a third plate of ridiculous. however after everyone had eaten and if there was food left over i see no reason you couldn’t eat the left over food. but the part that makes you an asshole is the entitlement. you didn’t pay for anything your parents did. you have no experience in the real world and have no clue how much weddings really cost. eating like that at a wedding, any wedding is rude. you’re at a wedding which is a nice event not golden corral.
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the food is for the guests. no bride and groom wants to take home 20 portions of food. as long as there was enough food for everyone, i can’t see your moms point. nta.
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nta
we had a buffet at our wedding and there was so much food left over at the end it was insane.
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nta. where do all of you people live that you're expected to pay for food at a wedding? until this last week on reddit i'd never heard of such a thing. part of the cost of hosting a wedding is supplying your guests with food and drink... i've been to dozens of weddings in my life and never once has a guest been asked to cough up cash to attend. hosts pay for food and drink and the venue and entertainment and in exchange guests bring themselves and gifts for the couple.
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yta, but only because it was a wedding.
totally get the athlete = eating a ton thing. my brother used to scarf down 2 chipotle burritos when he played football in high school. however, a wedding is one of those few social events where you should really just keep your head down and do what's expected. sure, they're probably not going to care/notice if you ate a bit more than others, but that's where the social norm thing comes in.
i'm not super familiar with how food costs work out at a wedding, but even though it's a buffet, there's a reason your mom paid for 2 plates for you, and you should've stuck within that limit.
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info - had everyone else had the opportunity to eat by the time you went for seconds? how long after the buffet opening did you go back for seconds (and thirds)?
sorry for being judgemental based on your age, but when you say "we chipped in" do you mean your mom?
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am i understanding correctly that you guys paid for 2 meals *just* for you? if so, i think nta. i have never been to an event where a buffet ran out of food. especially where there’s dancing and socializing going on as well.
who cares if you eat the food left over after everyone has gone for at least 1-2 trips?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.942809 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight. my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute. this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception. i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home. now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating. she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended. once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done. i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) eat a good amount of food. based on my body type and physical activity, i've been eating well over 4,000 calories a day to maintain my current weight. my aunt got married last weekend in a venue close to my parents' house. it was originally scheduled for the morning, but problems with catering and the venue/dj meant that they rescheduled it for that evening at the last minute. this was problematic because i needed to attend my afternoon swim practice that day, as i had only been excused for the morning one. i ended up going to both practices, had to change into my tux right outside the weight room, and drove directly there. i only ate a protein bar during the drive, so i was thrilled to find a well-stocked buffet after the reception. i loaded my plate, then went back for seconds. i was going to get a third round when my mom pulled me aside. she had been giving me weird looks during the meal, and told me to cut it out, and that if i was still hungry i could make something when we got home. now, i would have ordinarily agreed with her, but when we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals instead of one for me. i ate a good amount, but i doubt it was more than double whatever everyone else was eating. she eventually gave in and let me get a third serving. i would have eaten more, but she put her foot down. there was still some extra food left once the meal service ended. once we left, my mom went on a rant about how i was "making aunt and her fiancee fund my cheat day." i told her that it was the guests paying for the catering, not them, and i wasn't depriving anyone else since i went back for more once most people were done. i'm not sure if i violated some social norm, but i feel like i was justified. aita, reddit? [/INST] yta - there's a big difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. if you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen. </s>
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AITA for walking out of a gender reveal party?
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my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5).
she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party.
the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light
up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender.
we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking.
so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl.
i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips.
i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing.
i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered.
my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house.
i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12.
i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours.
aita?
| 16,573 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0a0xf/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_gender_reveal_party/
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2020-07-29 22:18:04
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yta
>i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips.
no one is stopping you from tossing a ball with your daughter, or from camping with them, or encouraging them to participate in sports. you are the one stopping them from this.
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yta and a ridiculous sexist. the "neuroticism" you're experiencing from your 5 year old? are you kidding? get over yourself. as hard as your life is being a girl dad, being an actual girl is much harder. mostly due to men like you
you're afraid of being outnumbered? maybe try learning to respect women and girls so you don't have to be afraid of them.
you need therapy.
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huge yta. you’re welcoming a new child into the world, and already disappointed in this child for something she can’t control.
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yta. do you think you can’t toss a ball around with your daughter?
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congratulations on the expansion of your family!!!!
also, **yta**. if you weren't prepared to be happy in front of a crowd in the case of either gender, you should have never allowed a gender reveal party to happen. come on now. you know this.
were there any little pink and blue umbrellas at this party? if so, gather a bunch and huddle under, because you're about to get stuck in a thunderstorm of ytas. i feel like you know this, too.
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yta. hoping for a boy is one thing. literally walking out on your wife for a gender reveal party is another. you were extremely unsupportive and if you're that upset that you're having another daughter, then you shouldn't have had another child in the first place. disgusting.
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yta,
bitter disappointment?? uhhh....your sperm is the determining factor as to whether your baby was going to be a boy or a girl. you've shot girls twice now. the fact that you are going to be solidly outnumbered is completely on you.
because......science. it's real!!
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yta. and from what i can read, a misogynist too. “double up on the neuroticism”. really? also, you do realize girls can also play little league and “toss a ball around” with you? and can also join the scouts? dude. grow up.
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yta.
you know girls can play sports too?
"can't imagine myself outnumbered" are you kidding me? smfh.
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yta. if you hate women this much, you shouldn't be allowed to be around them let alone raise them. i feel awful for your wife and your daughters.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5). she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party. the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender. we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking. so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl. i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing. i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered. my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house. i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12. i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (34) and i (33) are having our second child. we have a daughter (5). she’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party. the plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender. we went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking. so flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl. i don’t know what came over me but all i felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment. to be honest, all i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. i know my daughter is only five, but i’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing. i grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and i can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered. my wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said i needed to look happier. at that moment i just snapped. i shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21f) house. i start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying “ way to reenact” their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12. i felt like that accusation was unfair and that i just needed some time alone. i didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. and i don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded i smile and nod for the next couple of hours. aita? [/INST] yta >i was hoping for for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. or watch him go on boy scouts camping trips. no one is stopping you from tossing a ball with your daughter, or from camping with them, or encouraging them to participate in sports. you are the one stopping them from this. </s>
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AITA for allowing my mother to stay despite my husbands disapproval
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my mother is widowed and only has her kids (me and my 2 brothers), i recently had a difficult delivery that has left me bedridden so my mom came to help me (she had told me that she feels lonely in that big house and said she grateful to stay with us) and my husband out. my husband has been amazing and has been doing most of the childcare because i am still not in the best condition to take of our 3months old baby. my mother has been with us for about 2 months and has been tremendous help to us but sometime she criticizes the decision me and my husband makes which leaves my husband upset sometimes since he trying his best.
me and my husband had decided that we didn’t want to let our child cry himself to sleep, we decided that we wanted to cradle him so he knew we would always be there for him. yesterday my mother disagreed with this method and told us that she allowed me and my brothers cry themselves to sleep so they could have a more scheduled sleeping and it makes it easier for them to sleep for longer hours. i thought what she said made sense and told my husband that maybe we should go with that method. my husband got furious and told me that he done, he want her out of his house. my mom told him she not going to leave her daughters house and i told him he can’t kick her out of our house.
my mom ended up leaving to bed, my husband told me he had it with my mom, that he works a full time job (which is home based) and does most of the childcare and house work with no help from me, that he has had with me being her sidekick and being criticized in his home. i told him she was giving us valid reason and she was helping us out so he not doing everything on his own. he said he would rather get a nanny to help out that my mom is making him mentally unwell and am not there for the most part. i told him that she my mom and am not kicking her out and he said it funny that i can make these decisions when am not contributing anything to this household and am barely functioning as a mother. that really hurt me because i have confided in him on how i don’t feel like am doing enough and he has always reassured me. i feel like he trying to guilt me now.
| 3,407 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1001fcr/aita_for_allowing_my_mother_to_stay_despite_my/
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2022-12-31 19:17:44
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yta, listen to your husband he is right.
mommy is not
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yta if you’re choosing your mother over your husband. he’s your partner and the father of your children. discuss the sleeping schedule with your husband after she’s back at her own house and he’s in a better headspace.
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yta, it sounds like your husband is working really hard and, even though you might have a good reason to not be able to do as much around the house, there is not a good reason to undermine your spouse and the parenting techniques you two agreed on in favor of your mom’s ideas. your spouse is your partner in this, not your mother. two months is also a really long time to have someone “helping out” with the kid. i love my pils, but there’s no way in hell i’d have wanted to live with them giving me advice in my own house for that long.
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your mom is advocating for a child care method that has been shown to be traumatizing to children. cry it out so the parent can get more sleep is not okay. whether your mom stays or not, you will be an asshole if you take her advice.
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yta. if you care more about your mom's feelings than your husband's, then you should go live with her so that her house isn't lonely.
sounds like your husband is already doing all of the housework and childcare, so he'll be fine, and this way he doesn't also have to cater to two grown adults.
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maybe you're so attached to your mother and desperate for her approval because she let you cry and cry without attending to you....
yta. your husband takes precedent over your mother.
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info: what exactly does your mother do to help if your husband does most of the housework and childcare? also, why doesn't your husband get a say in his own house?
yta
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yta
it's his home too, and both of you need to give permission for her to be there. your mother repeatedly criticizes both of you as parents which is harmful, not helpful. she got to raise her kids, now it's your turn. maybe you wouldn't feel like you weren't doing enough if your mother wasn't there to repeatedly tell you you're doing it wrong.
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yta.
i'm not inside anybody's head, but it sounds like your husband is well and truly past his emotional limits but is doing his level best to bite his tongue because he believes this is a timeboxed problem, you will eventually recover enough to help, and your mother will eventually leave, and he's been trying to power through his discomfort and unhappiness by reassuring you that -- assuming the relief he's predicting will arrive -- everything will be okay.
but he doesn't sound okay, and this situation doesn't sound okay. he sounds exhausted. he probably didn't expect to have to hold both a full-time job _and_ be the full-time caregiver to his kids _and_ his wife. your mother sounds like she wants to help, but he probably doesn't think of her assistance as helpful, and if she's giving long-debunked advice about child-rearing, he's right to be upset if she won't take no for an answer.
i'm going to posit that your husband is desperate for you to be an advocate for his needs, and you're presently not doing that. instead, you're asking him to take on additional caregiving responsibilities and perform more emotional labor by demanding he give her terrible parenting ideas more weight than they deserve. stop that.
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yta, if this was the other way round and his mum was constantly criticising you as a new mum, you would want her out and every comment would agree to kicking her out.
it is a house you share, your mum has somewhere else she can go, if one of you don't agree to a guest them they don't stay.
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mother is widowed and only has her kids (me and my 2 brothers), i recently had a difficult delivery that has left me bedridden so my mom came to help me (she had told me that she feels lonely in that big house and said she grateful to stay with us) and my husband out. my husband has been amazing and has been doing most of the childcare because i am still not in the best condition to take of our 3months old baby. my mother has been with us for about 2 months and has been tremendous help to us but sometime she criticizes the decision me and my husband makes which leaves my husband upset sometimes since he trying his best. me and my husband had decided that we didn’t want to let our child cry himself to sleep, we decided that we wanted to cradle him so he knew we would always be there for him. yesterday my mother disagreed with this method and told us that she allowed me and my brothers cry themselves to sleep so they could have a more scheduled sleeping and it makes it easier for them to sleep for longer hours. i thought what she said made sense and told my husband that maybe we should go with that method. my husband got furious and told me that he done, he want her out of his house. my mom told him she not going to leave her daughters house and i told him he can’t kick her out of our house. my mom ended up leaving to bed, my husband told me he had it with my mom, that he works a full time job (which is home based) and does most of the childcare and house work with no help from me, that he has had with me being her sidekick and being criticized in his home. i told him she was giving us valid reason and she was helping us out so he not doing everything on his own. he said he would rather get a nanny to help out that my mom is making him mentally unwell and am not there for the most part. i told him that she my mom and am not kicking her out and he said it funny that i can make these decisions when am not contributing anything to this household and am barely functioning as a mother. that really hurt me because i have confided in him on how i don’t feel like am doing enough and he has always reassured me. i feel like he trying to guilt me now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mother is widowed and only has her kids (me and my 2 brothers), i recently had a difficult delivery that has left me bedridden so my mom came to help me (she had told me that she feels lonely in that big house and said she grateful to stay with us) and my husband out. my husband has been amazing and has been doing most of the childcare because i am still not in the best condition to take of our 3months old baby. my mother has been with us for about 2 months and has been tremendous help to us but sometime she criticizes the decision me and my husband makes which leaves my husband upset sometimes since he trying his best. me and my husband had decided that we didn’t want to let our child cry himself to sleep, we decided that we wanted to cradle him so he knew we would always be there for him. yesterday my mother disagreed with this method and told us that she allowed me and my brothers cry themselves to sleep so they could have a more scheduled sleeping and it makes it easier for them to sleep for longer hours. i thought what she said made sense and told my husband that maybe we should go with that method. my husband got furious and told me that he done, he want her out of his house. my mom told him she not going to leave her daughters house and i told him he can’t kick her out of our house. my mom ended up leaving to bed, my husband told me he had it with my mom, that he works a full time job (which is home based) and does most of the childcare and house work with no help from me, that he has had with me being her sidekick and being criticized in his home. i told him she was giving us valid reason and she was helping us out so he not doing everything on his own. he said he would rather get a nanny to help out that my mom is making him mentally unwell and am not there for the most part. i told him that she my mom and am not kicking her out and he said it funny that i can make these decisions when am not contributing anything to this household and am barely functioning as a mother. that really hurt me because i have confided in him on how i don’t feel like am doing enough and he has always reassured me. i feel like he trying to guilt me now. [/INST] yta, listen to your husband he is right. mommy is not </s>
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AITA for being honest with my neices about the reality of my career success?
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i just turned 41. i am very successful in my career in a very male-oriented field with all the expectations and stigma that entails. i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. he's not interested in getting married, and at this point that's fine. everyone assumes this was my dream and that i'm happy but it couldn't be further from the truth. i know there are women who live for this and want to be where i am, and i applaud them for it. it's just not me. i wanted to be a wife and mother and have a just okay job or even just skills so that i could support me and my kids if something happened.
i was overjoyed to get married when i was 24 and the happiest day of my life was the birth of my son. he died of cancer just after he turned one and my husband died a year later, leaving me a widow just before my 27th birthday. i've never been close to my family for reasons that have varied over the years. i have friends, but they got their own families and lives. i had nothing, except for my career. i threw myself into work and found the ability to rise. having a woman on their team looked good for pr, and a woman that didn't have any "pesky women things" was their ideal.
i finally started dating my boyfriend and we aren't using protection, but i am well aware that the clock is at midnight. he is close to his family, especially his sister. my boyfriend's sister, who is sahm of 5, has been really pushing for a mentor to her 2 daughters for years, and finally got her chance to push me into talking to them. i've never wanted to because i'm not proud or happy of where or who i am.
so when i was finally pushed into speaking, i told them this. yes, women can and should pursue whatever career they want, but my "success" isn't because i had a dream and worked hard, it's because my life was so empty and painful that i needed something else to think about. i didn't want to be the "high powered career woman", it's just what i had to do. being a ceo (not my job title) means nothing to me. their mother tried to steer the conversion by suggesting that i wouldn't give it all away now that i have it though, but i didn't let her and clarified that i would give it all away to have a family of my own. honestly, if it would bring me my late husband and a healthy version of my son back, i would quit my job tomorrow and forget the last 15 years.
now his entire family is mad at me for "enforcing gender roles" and making it seem like being a sahm (which every woman in his family besides me are) is the only way for a woman to be happy. i wasn't saying that. they asked for my experience and i gave it.
| 19,095 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jq6v5g/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_neices_about_the/
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2020-11-08 06:11:48
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nta. people shouldn’t ask questions that they don’t want honest answers to.
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nta. you still sound like a wonderful mentor and person because of your honesty and transparency, but she can’t push an agenda she wants on you.
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esh
look, you should've been really blunt with your sil about what you'd say if pushed. and she should've backed off when it was clear you weren't down. so this is just shit all around because neither of you acted correct. obviously you shouldn't have lied but there were quite a few ways to gracefully eject yourself from this expectation before it came to lying.
it sounds like these girls have great examples of traditional gender roles being fulfilling from their family. what they wanted was to let their girls see there were other fulfilling options available as well. you weren't the right pick for that goal.
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nta, this almost brought me to tears its so sad and amazing at the same time i hope you do well and she honestly just wanted to put her voice through your body by pushing her agenda
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unpopular opinion but, yta. she wanted to teach her kids a good lesson and she used you as a role model, regardless of how you felt about how you got where you are you could have told them that hard work is important to achieve your dreams.
they might not be your dreams, but it could have been for those girls. it's a little disappointing that you would rather tell them things like that when they don't understand what you went through and won't understand the pain of losing loved ones until it happens to them.
i'm sorry for your loss, but losing your husband and son doesn't give you an excuse to take an opportunity that could have been great and given those girls someone to look up to and make yourself seem pitiful.
op i really think you should consider therapy. especially if you're saying things like "i would give up everything to bring them back", that's not healthy.
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yta, it's okay to feel how you feel but you shouldn't be dumping these deep emotional things you're grappling with on children who are basically strangers to you. you could have used a little discretion and said that you've experienced great loss in your life and you're still grappling with grief, so your life isn't perfect and now you're trying to find a balance that's more fulfilling to you. you could've said that there are many different ways to be a woman and many different ways to be happy and literally left it at that.
shutting down your boyfriend's sister privately or in front of the other adults in the family would've been okay, but kids aren't equipped to process adult emotional trauma on that level and you could've avoided the whole thing by phrasing it in a diplomatic and tactful manner.
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yta.
they were just asking you to cheer & encourage those two kids.
and you unloaded all that on them?
can you even read a room?
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info: how old are the girls?
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yta
the talk with the daughters was not therapy time for you.
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really surprised by the huge amount of people who think you weren't an asshole here.
agreeing to talk to someone's young kids about being a career woman because they come from a family of stay at home moms, telling the parent "yeah sure i can do that!" and not mentioning anything about your hatred of your work or your true desire to be a sahm until you're telling their young kids about it, is absolutely an asshole move.
it would have cost nothing to say no and explain why. if you had explained why, she would have realised you are not the motivational speaker she was looking for, and dropped it. the parent is not an asshole for wanting to show her kids a different lifestyle for women to the one they're surrounded by. in fact, that's totally admirable. what's not admirable is saying "yeah i'll talk to your kids, lol" and then telling the kids shit that will for certain put them off what their mom is trying to encourage.
yta
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.491182 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just turned 41. i am very successful in my career in a very male-oriented field with all the expectations and stigma that entails. i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. he's not interested in getting married, and at this point that's fine. everyone assumes this was my dream and that i'm happy but it couldn't be further from the truth. i know there are women who live for this and want to be where i am, and i applaud them for it. it's just not me. i wanted to be a wife and mother and have a just okay job or even just skills so that i could support me and my kids if something happened. i was overjoyed to get married when i was 24 and the happiest day of my life was the birth of my son. he died of cancer just after he turned one and my husband died a year later, leaving me a widow just before my 27th birthday. i've never been close to my family for reasons that have varied over the years. i have friends, but they got their own families and lives. i had nothing, except for my career. i threw myself into work and found the ability to rise. having a woman on their team looked good for pr, and a woman that didn't have any "pesky women things" was their ideal. i finally started dating my boyfriend and we aren't using protection, but i am well aware that the clock is at midnight. he is close to his family, especially his sister. my boyfriend's sister, who is sahm of 5, has been really pushing for a mentor to her 2 daughters for years, and finally got her chance to push me into talking to them. i've never wanted to because i'm not proud or happy of where or who i am. so when i was finally pushed into speaking, i told them this. yes, women can and should pursue whatever career they want, but my "success" isn't because i had a dream and worked hard, it's because my life was so empty and painful that i needed something else to think about. i didn't want to be the "high powered career woman", it's just what i had to do. being a ceo (not my job title) means nothing to me. their mother tried to steer the conversion by suggesting that i wouldn't give it all away now that i have it though, but i didn't let her and clarified that i would give it all away to have a family of my own. honestly, if it would bring me my late husband and a healthy version of my son back, i would quit my job tomorrow and forget the last 15 years. now his entire family is mad at me for "enforcing gender roles" and making it seem like being a sahm (which every woman in his family besides me are) is the only way for a woman to be happy. i wasn't saying that. they asked for my experience and i gave it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i just turned 41. i am very successful in my career in a very male-oriented field with all the expectations and stigma that entails. i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. he's not interested in getting married, and at this point that's fine. everyone assumes this was my dream and that i'm happy but it couldn't be further from the truth. i know there are women who live for this and want to be where i am, and i applaud them for it. it's just not me. i wanted to be a wife and mother and have a just okay job or even just skills so that i could support me and my kids if something happened. i was overjoyed to get married when i was 24 and the happiest day of my life was the birth of my son. he died of cancer just after he turned one and my husband died a year later, leaving me a widow just before my 27th birthday. i've never been close to my family for reasons that have varied over the years. i have friends, but they got their own families and lives. i had nothing, except for my career. i threw myself into work and found the ability to rise. having a woman on their team looked good for pr, and a woman that didn't have any "pesky women things" was their ideal. i finally started dating my boyfriend and we aren't using protection, but i am well aware that the clock is at midnight. he is close to his family, especially his sister. my boyfriend's sister, who is sahm of 5, has been really pushing for a mentor to her 2 daughters for years, and finally got her chance to push me into talking to them. i've never wanted to because i'm not proud or happy of where or who i am. so when i was finally pushed into speaking, i told them this. yes, women can and should pursue whatever career they want, but my "success" isn't because i had a dream and worked hard, it's because my life was so empty and painful that i needed something else to think about. i didn't want to be the "high powered career woman", it's just what i had to do. being a ceo (not my job title) means nothing to me. their mother tried to steer the conversion by suggesting that i wouldn't give it all away now that i have it though, but i didn't let her and clarified that i would give it all away to have a family of my own. honestly, if it would bring me my late husband and a healthy version of my son back, i would quit my job tomorrow and forget the last 15 years. now his entire family is mad at me for "enforcing gender roles" and making it seem like being a sahm (which every woman in his family besides me are) is the only way for a woman to be happy. i wasn't saying that. they asked for my experience and i gave it. [/INST] nta. people shouldn’t ask questions that they don’t want honest answers to. </s>
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AITA for letting my kids reject hugs and kisses from family?
|
my two year old son is at an age where everyone wants to touch him and pinch him.
my wife and i agreed we wouldn’t force our kids to hug or kiss anyone because we want to teach appropriate physical boundaries and ownership of your body from an early age.
recently my grandmother visited and when she was leaving my sister directed my son to “give grammy a kiss goodbye” and he said “don’t want to” and we said “that’s fine, wave goodbye then.” and he waved and said goodbye.
she started to say “oh, no kiss for grammy?” but i shut that down with “(son) has a lot of ways to express his feelings” and we left it at that. she seemed to understand.
my sister took her to the airport but when she was over later she said i was an asshole for not having my son kiss his great grandmother goodbye knowing it meant something to her just because he “didn’t want to”.
i tried to explain not wanting physical touching isn’t the same as not wanting to leave the park or whatever, but she said it’s not as big a deal to him to give her a quick kiss as it was for her to feel her great grandson didn’t treasure her visit.
we’re about to host thanksgiving and there will be plenty of family expecting hugs and kisses and physical affection from our son, and in a couple years, from our daughter as well.
i was ready to stand my ground on this but now my wife and i are less certain after this incident. aita?
| 18,354 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dvp9un/aita_for_letting_my_kids_reject_hugs_and_kisses/
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2019-11-13 09:21:34
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nta. kids should learn from an early age that their body is their own, and while you might oblige them to shake hands once in a while, they shouldn't be forced into physical affection.
he could also compromise by blowing granny a kiss.
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nta. stand your ground on this. we should all be teaching our children about physical boundaries and consent from an early age.
i have relatives who try to do the whole “oh give so and so a kiss/hug” etc. no. there are fair compromises but it’s up to the child. i hated being forced to give kisses and hugs when i was little. i don’t force that on my children.
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nta
as someone who grew up extremely uncomfortable with physical interaction from most people i wish i’d been allowed this ownership.
i hated how many family friends and extended family insisted on physical interaction and it caused me genuine resentment until i was old enough to be allowed to refuse.
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nta! bodily autonomy is just as important for kids as it is for adults, maybe more. the majority of children who are abused are abused by a family member, and they are manipulated into cooperating and/or not reporting the abuse because the abuser tells them "don't be rude" or "don't you want me to know you love me?" children need to know they have the right to say no when they don't want to be touched.
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> i tried to explain not wanting physical touching isn’t the same as not wanting to leave the park or whatever, but she said it’s not as big a deal to him to give her a quick kiss as it was for her to feel her great grandson didn’t treasure her visit.
will she honestly believe a forced kiss will make her feel he treasured her visit?
honestly i don't see how that nonsense from your sister could be causing you to question this. you're nta for letting your child say no, but you'll be ta if you don't stand your ground.
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nta. it's completely correct to want to teach your kids boundaries. hold your ground on this!
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nah, but i have a small suggestion: i also do not force my kids to hug or kiss, but i do think it's ok for them to understand that sometimes not hugging or kissing makes people sad. sometimes i will say "it's ok if you don't want to hug granny, but it makes her sad because she loves you and she isn't going to see you for a little while, maybe you could give a high five?".
what i'm trying to do is twofold: first, to encourage empathy and tact and compromise - if you don't want to give a hug that's fine, but sometimes it hurts people's feelings and it's nice to try and make them feel better if you can, especially if they are someone you care about. second, i want them to understand that *they still have bodily autonomy even if their choices make someone else cross or sad*. i want them to know that sometimes exercising your autonomy causes negative feelings and that doesn't mean you should ignore your boundaries for them.
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let’s be honest you knew what the reddit hive mind would have to say about this.
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nta! please hold your ground on this! this is an important lesson kids need to learn. i stressed with my sister’s kids when they were little. they told me to stop, i stopped. they didn’t want to be touched, hands off...the only exceptions were if we were out in public and i had to hold hands for walking in a parking lot or crossing a street. kids need to know their bodies are their own and they get to say who can touch them and when. don’t let anyone change your mind.
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as a latino i find d this thread hilarious.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my two year old son is at an age where everyone wants to touch him and pinch him. my wife and i agreed we wouldn’t force our kids to hug or kiss anyone because we want to teach appropriate physical boundaries and ownership of your body from an early age. recently my grandmother visited and when she was leaving my sister directed my son to “give grammy a kiss goodbye” and he said “don’t want to” and we said “that’s fine, wave goodbye then.” and he waved and said goodbye. she started to say “oh, no kiss for grammy?” but i shut that down with “(son) has a lot of ways to express his feelings” and we left it at that. she seemed to understand. my sister took her to the airport but when she was over later she said i was an asshole for not having my son kiss his great grandmother goodbye knowing it meant something to her just because he “didn’t want to”. i tried to explain not wanting physical touching isn’t the same as not wanting to leave the park or whatever, but she said it’s not as big a deal to him to give her a quick kiss as it was for her to feel her great grandson didn’t treasure her visit. we’re about to host thanksgiving and there will be plenty of family expecting hugs and kisses and physical affection from our son, and in a couple years, from our daughter as well. i was ready to stand my ground on this but now my wife and i are less certain after this incident. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my two year old son is at an age where everyone wants to touch him and pinch him. my wife and i agreed we wouldn’t force our kids to hug or kiss anyone because we want to teach appropriate physical boundaries and ownership of your body from an early age. recently my grandmother visited and when she was leaving my sister directed my son to “give grammy a kiss goodbye” and he said “don’t want to” and we said “that’s fine, wave goodbye then.” and he waved and said goodbye. she started to say “oh, no kiss for grammy?” but i shut that down with “(son) has a lot of ways to express his feelings” and we left it at that. she seemed to understand. my sister took her to the airport but when she was over later she said i was an asshole for not having my son kiss his great grandmother goodbye knowing it meant something to her just because he “didn’t want to”. i tried to explain not wanting physical touching isn’t the same as not wanting to leave the park or whatever, but she said it’s not as big a deal to him to give her a quick kiss as it was for her to feel her great grandson didn’t treasure her visit. we’re about to host thanksgiving and there will be plenty of family expecting hugs and kisses and physical affection from our son, and in a couple years, from our daughter as well. i was ready to stand my ground on this but now my wife and i are less certain after this incident. aita? [/INST] nta. kids should learn from an early age that their body is their own, and while you might oblige them to shake hands once in a while, they shouldn't be forced into physical affection. he could also compromise by blowing granny a kiss. </s>
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AITA for calling my angry neighbor out in front of her family?
|
i moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. the house next door is owned by a couple with several kids.
the woman who lives there has a temper... a few times, when i've been hanging out with friends in the back yard, she's yelled at us over stuff. playing music with cusses where her kids can hear, being too "slutty" with each other, which was awkward because we were not doing anything sexual... other stuff that's too ugly to repeat here... etc.
as far as i can tell she never does this in front of her husband or kids. her husband isn't home often, it seems.
then, a while later, i was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady, her husband, and two older people who i think were either her parents or her husband's parents.
the husband asked me if i knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. he seemed friendly and like he was trying to be helpful.
i said i hadn't known, maybe the maintenance guy left it on.
but then i got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family acting really chill in front of them.
i said "hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and i sluts, (homophobic slur), and (c-words) ? i was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment.
she said no right away.
i then, knowing full well that she was that lady, said "oh sorry, perhaps i'm confused. there's a lady who lives in that house, mid 40s, heavyset with chin length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who's said all those things and more, and i really don't appreciate it. do you have a sister? a roommate?"
she cut me off and said maybe it's better i leave, and so i did. i heard fighting from that house that night and i think it was because of what i said, her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it.
aita for calling my neighbor out on front of her family?
---
edit to add...
i've tried to talk to her one on one about four times and she's never been receptive or ready to calm down enough to listen. i wish i could have had a productive talk before this but i really wasn't getting anywhere.
| 17,920 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g4u6s8/aita_for_calling_my_angry_neighbor_out_in_front/
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2020-04-20 14:51:38
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nta. honestly i think it's good that you put her in her place. if she wasn't being respectful or receptive, then that's on her. doing it in front of her family is probably the only way she would've listened
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nta, “you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
(
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nta.
1. your neighbor could’ve just as easily approached you calmly and asked you to stop whatever you were doing. she did not need to resort to homophobic slurs and name calling.
2. you approached her respectfully while putting her in her place. it’s funny how she never says any of this stuff when anyone else is around to hear her, but the second you try to call her out she denies it. if she can’t handle owning her hateful words in front of her family, that sounds like a her problem.
3. while you *could* have waited for a more private moment, she was very open about her attitude toward you and your friends from the get-go. she probably thought you’d never confront her.
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nta
you already tried to talk to her privately (which didn’t work) and the way you said all this was indirect and pretty polite. you didn’t go off at her but asked a question. she’s now facing the consequences. perhaps you should get a camera to record your next interaction (like a security camera)
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nta. don’t throw rocks at people with nuclear bombs lmao
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nta
you were definitely *an* asshole, but at least by your description of it, you handled the situation expertly without looking like *the* asshole.
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please update when you can i love this for you. nta
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nta op... don’t start shit... but feel free to end it
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nta. love it. needs to be on the petty revenge sub
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nta, neighbour wife sounds like she liked the power trip of bullying y'all from over the property line without considering what would happen if anyone found out =) that's not your fault, that's hers for being an absolute witch
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. the house next door is owned by a couple with several kids. the woman who lives there has a temper... a few times, when i've been hanging out with friends in the back yard, she's yelled at us over stuff. playing music with cusses where her kids can hear, being too "slutty" with each other, which was awkward because we were not doing anything sexual... other stuff that's too ugly to repeat here... etc. as far as i can tell she never does this in front of her husband or kids. her husband isn't home often, it seems. then, a while later, i was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady, her husband, and two older people who i think were either her parents or her husband's parents. the husband asked me if i knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. he seemed friendly and like he was trying to be helpful. i said i hadn't known, maybe the maintenance guy left it on. but then i got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family acting really chill in front of them. i said "hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and i sluts, (homophobic slur), and (c-words) ? i was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment. she said no right away. i then, knowing full well that she was that lady, said "oh sorry, perhaps i'm confused. there's a lady who lives in that house, mid 40s, heavyset with chin length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who's said all those things and more, and i really don't appreciate it. do you have a sister? a roommate?" she cut me off and said maybe it's better i leave, and so i did. i heard fighting from that house that night and i think it was because of what i said, her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it. aita for calling my neighbor out on front of her family? --- edit to add... i've tried to talk to her one on one about four times and she's never been receptive or ready to calm down enough to listen. i wish i could have had a productive talk before this but i really wasn't getting anywhere.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i moved into an apartment on the ground floor of a house which is split up into three apartments. the house next door is owned by a couple with several kids. the woman who lives there has a temper... a few times, when i've been hanging out with friends in the back yard, she's yelled at us over stuff. playing music with cusses where her kids can hear, being too "slutty" with each other, which was awkward because we were not doing anything sexual... other stuff that's too ugly to repeat here... etc. as far as i can tell she never does this in front of her husband or kids. her husband isn't home often, it seems. then, a while later, i was out getting my mail when four people walked by, the neighbor lady, her husband, and two older people who i think were either her parents or her husband's parents. the husband asked me if i knew there was water leaking from the hose in the front yard of my house. he seemed friendly and like he was trying to be helpful. i said i hadn't known, maybe the maintenance guy left it on. but then i got a really weird feeling about how the woman that has said so much nasty stuff was standing with her family acting really chill in front of them. i said "hey, excuse me, aren't you the lady who's called my friends and i sluts, (homophobic slur), and (c-words) ? i was hoping to talk to you at a calmer moment. she said no right away. i then, knowing full well that she was that lady, said "oh sorry, perhaps i'm confused. there's a lady who lives in that house, mid 40s, heavyset with chin length brown hair, smokes out back every night, who's said all those things and more, and i really don't appreciate it. do you have a sister? a roommate?" she cut me off and said maybe it's better i leave, and so i did. i heard fighting from that house that night and i think it was because of what i said, her husband and the older couple seemed shocked by some of it. aita for calling my neighbor out on front of her family? --- edit to add... i've tried to talk to her one on one about four times and she's never been receptive or ready to calm down enough to listen. i wish i could have had a productive talk before this but i really wasn't getting anywhere. [/INST] nta. honestly i think it's good that you put her in her place. if she wasn't being respectful or receptive, then that's on her. doing it in front of her family is probably the only way she would've listened </s>
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AITA for not wanting to call my 2nd grader’s teacher “Dr. Smith”?
| 4,885 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jphrjn/aita_for_not_wanting_to_call_my_2nd_graders/
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2020-11-07 01:20:59
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yta. people work hard to get their doctorate. that is her title. of course she knows that 2nd graders would have trouble with that. but you yourself , as an adult, should know how to use proper titles with people
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yta. she clearly told the children to call her ms. sarah or ms. smith because they’re 2nd graders and wouldn’t understand the difference between a phd doctor and an md doctor. you however are a fully grown adult with a 2nd grade child and can differentiate between a medical doctor and a phd. to refuse to call her by her earned title is belittling, rude, and unappreciative of her commitment to education that she will now use to educate your children in ways that they would otherwise not be able to receive.
grow up and call the woman by the title she earned. she’s already proven that she is qualified in that field by people much more knowledgeable in that field than you, she doesn’t need to prove it to you too.
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yta
you are a grown adult who can understand the difference between a phd and an md an 8yr old does not.
it is not difficult to say ms. sarah when talking to your son but to address her as dr. smith when speaking to her. she’s made it very clear that is what she prefers i don’t get why you’re so confused about this.
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yta. your kids call you "mommy" and "daddy" but the teacher wouldn't call you that. despite the fact that it's ok with you that your kids call you mommy and daddy, the teacher should call you mr and mrs smith, because that would be more appropriate. if you prefered john and jane, she'd likely respect that.
call her what she wishes, as she worked damn hard for that degree. it costs you nothing.
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yta - i don’t get the confusion, she told you exactly how she’d like to be addressed by you - as dr.
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yta
there is no confusion. you're choosing to be rude.
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it's not a cultural norm, it's a professional one.
women with phds are often belittled and called by their first names, or ms. last name, instead of by their earned professional title.
i have no experience with ece professionals with doctorates, but the others i know will ask that you address them with their professional titles in mixed company so no one tries to minimize their abilities with cute nicknames, and such.
you are nta for being confused, but dr. smith has the right to be addressed by her professional title. she literally earned it.
you don't have to call her dr. smith in the house, but when you are speaking with her in her professional capacity then please just use her title. otherwise, you seem too familiar.
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yta. teachers go by their first name and miss to lessen the power dynamic with kids. they want to be more casual in order to get the students comfortable, etc etc. that’s also why you see many k-3 teachers refer to their students by “friend.” you’re not a student. you’re an adult. she’s an adult. her title is dr. smith, so that’s what you should address her as. it’s just respect dude.
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yta. she worked hard for her doctorate, and she also made a point to tell the kiddos that she is a doctor but recognizes that having them call her that might be confusing. if you want to call her ms. sarah, you can go back to the second grade.
i think you can call her dr. smith to her face and ms. sarah to your kid. that shouldn’t really be that difficult.
also did she steamroll or was she just leading a meeting differently than you may have done? it sounds like there may be something deeper at play here. there is quite a bit that goes into teaching, and a doctorate is a lot of time and effort. if you want to be so dismissive, you try teaching your kid. shame on you op. have some more respect for your child’s teacher.
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yta. this is such a small and petty reason to be upset. just call her dr. smith, jesus.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta. people work hard to get their doctorate. that is her title. of course she knows that 2nd graders would have trouble with that. but you yourself , as an adult, should know how to use proper titles with people </s>
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AITA for moving out mid-lease and stranding my roommate with full rent after his girlfriend keeps accusing me of being “creepy”?
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so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either.
anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back.
well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate.
he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either.
things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer.
the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time.
long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
| 26,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifk8n6/aita_for_moving_out_midlease_and_stranding_my/
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2020-08-24 07:05:05
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nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap
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nta. if you leave there are still 2 people in the flat. why is the gf not paying rent?
besides that, these were ridiculous rules. if she can't get over her past trauma it's not your responsibility to cope with her to the point you can't offer coconut water. must be hard for her but she is ta.
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nta. he made the place super uncomfortable for you. is it weird that i want to hear more about this bizarre situation though?
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nta. you agreed to stay there before you started getting treated like a would be criminal in your own home. it’s ridiculous to expect you to live like that. if your roommates girlfriend can’t live with other people in her living space, she shouldn’t have moved in.
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nta
move out and don't look back.
if you are such a creep, they should be overjoyed to see you leaving anyway.
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nta your roommate's girlfriend sounds weird and incapable of normal human interaction. how do you live in the same house as someone without striking up an occasional conversation once in a while or running into each other in common areas? that would be very uncomfortable. it sounds like your roommate is enabling her weird behaviour instead of explaining to her that it's just not how human beings act in a society. get out of there.
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nta.
move out.
>however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
exactly. when you thought it would be ok. this is a bit much. obviously we don't know what trauma she's gone through, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with being treated like that at your own place. that's your home too. if you're not comfortable with how you're being treated - which, frankly, *noone* would be, then you need to leave.
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[deleted]
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nta. the place was your home just as much as it was theirs. from what you have said you seemed to have been nothing but nice and willing to put up with them.
i understand she went through traumatic experiences but if she’s going to act like this she needs to see a therapist before she moves in with anyone.
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nta. your room mate and his gf sound perfect for one another, who wants to play third wheel to those two asshats.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i’ve been living with my current roommate for 2 years now. i’m actually subletting and i’m on my 2nd year which is month-to-month, but we’ve had an unofficial “verbal” agreement that i’d stay until the end of the year. i mean it’s a pandemic, i didn’t think i’d move either. anyways his gf moved in beginning of this year. it’s been...a lot. she’s obviously had some trauma in the past. i didn’t dig but i believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. well when she first moved in my roommate had some “ground rules” for me so his gf would be more comfortable. she obviously wasn’t thrilled about having another roommate. he said i couldn’t talk to her (like strike up a convo) if he wasn’t there because she doesn’t want to have to talk to me if she didn’t have to. he also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time (like if she’s cooking in the kitchen, i should wait until she leaves before i grab food, etc.) like yes it’s strange but i figured it’s his place so whatever. i’m not trying to befriend her either. things got worse in recent months cause we’ve all been working from home. it’s really hard to avoid someone 24/7. so obviously i’ve slipped up more. one time i came home from costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water i couldn’t fit in the fridge. big mistake. my roommate had to have a “talk” with me that night about how i should know she would never drink my drinks and it’s weird for me to even offer. the most recent one was when she was watching some got in our living room. i just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. i laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. i got another earful from my roommate about how i needed to stop “creeping” on her now that i’m home all the time. long story short, my friend just had a place open up that’s cheap and i’m gonna move. i told my roommate and he’s pissed, because of our unofficial agreement and how he’s probably gonna pay full rent for a while. i feel bad because yeah, i did say i wasn’t gonna move. but i’m also pretty sick of both him and his gf. however, i feel kind of guilty because i agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when i thought it’d be ok. [/INST] nta - that's an insane way to have to live. get out asap </s>
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AITA for not letting my sister see her kids?
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i (28f) obtained custody of my sister's (35f) kids (9m,4f,2f), back in 2018, after she left them alone for two weeks to go on a "trip" (read. drug bender). of course this was a huge transition for the kiddos, they had to be moved schools and daycares, and of course couldn't see their mom anymore. now, the kids are doing better and definitely lead happier lives.
recently, though, my sister was released from prison, and wants to see the kids again. she called me, begging to have a visit with them, and telling me that i could give them back because she was out of prison now.
i've had a talk with the 9 year old, and he says that he doesn't want to see his mom yet, and that he still hates her for leaving him alone. the girls have no memories of her, and the smallest one was only three months old the last time she saw her.
i do feel like i could have helped them foster a better relationship with her, but i don't want to force the oldest into meeting her when he absolutely doesn't want to.
still, my close family has told me that the oldest doesn't know what he's talking about, and it's my fault the little ones don't remember their mother because i didn't take them to see her when she was in prison. they also told me that it's my responsibility to force them to meet her, even when they don't want to, because that's what's best for them and they shouldn't grow up without their mother.
so, aita?
| 18,826 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6zfpa/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_see_her_kids/
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2020-04-24 01:33:23
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nta. i'm not a child psychologist but despite what your mother says, it's possible that it could actually be bad for them to see their bio mom (your sister). but you are definitely not an ah.
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are you telling me that she left a three month old and a two year old, alone, for a seven year old to take care of? nta. absolutely. anyone who would do that to a kid deserves to be in prison. i think it's great you're respecting the kid's wishes and if you force this visit on them, you will be ta.
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nta. nta. nta.
people love to forget that children are autonomous beings and can make rational decisions. young children are extremely impressionable, and all of them are going to be extremely hurt by their mother's abandonment. forcing them to see their mother when they don't want to is one of the worst things you can do for their well-being right now. the nine-year-old is likely traumatized if he's this insistent that he doesn't want to go. your family is understandably going to want to fight you over this, since you obtained custody from your sister. their viewpoints are going to be extremely skewed for a number of reasons, especially your parents if they just can't believe that their daughter ended up like this and that it can't really be all that bad.
keep the kids safe, the last thing they need is to be put back with a neglectful family.
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yikes. this seems above the reddit pay grade. i’d talk to a counselor or social services about this. definitely someone with professional experience..
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nta - as their guardian, it's your duty to look out for their best interests. if seeing their mother isn't good for them (and it certainly doesn't appear to be), then you're in the right for keeping them separate.
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don’t you dare. you are nta but you would be if you forced the children into a relationship they are not ready for. the littles are to little to understand why mommy left and the oldest knows and has told you he isn’t ready. for all the is good and holy dont reward bad behavior. we don’t tolerate it in kids i don’t understand why parents tolerate it in adults.
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nta, i can't stress that enough. sort of a long story but bear with me because i wish i had known it when i was in your situation.
my husband was in a similar situation with my step kids (13m and 11m). tjey split their time between him and mom until she lost custody. they weren't happy where we live and missed their old friends/school so we made the agreement that we would pay child support to grandma and we would have them for birthdays, holidays and summers. it went well the first year, they were happy, getting good grades etc. the second year we didn't have them for thanksgiving or christmas and never got a straight answer why. when we got them for the summer, the older kid was on so much ritalin he couldn't sleep and the younger one weighed 200+ lbs. at 10, he was bigger than me and i was 38 weeks pregnant at the time.
mom had come back into the picture. got her dad to buy her a trailer and her mom to give her half the child support money and got the kids to come live with her so she had drug money. now we are scared to have them come live with us because the older one is smoking weed and extremely violent and the younger one has absolute fits if he doesn't get to play video games all day and get fast food every day.
like he broke down my door and busted my laptop while i was having a video session with a client (i'm a substance abuse counselor and was working from home on maternity leave) last summer while our infant was sleeping in his basinet in the room because i didn't stop what i was doing to run out for mcdonald's despite the fact that the fridge was fully stocked for them.
my whole point is, mom coming back into their lives and derailed everything and i wish we had pushed harder to find out what was going on instead of listening to their grandma and husband's family. because now they've both been kicked out of two youth crisis centers their grandma put them in and run back to mom's. their dcfs caseworker pretty much told us a judge won't place them in our home because she has grave concerns about our toddler's safety should they come live with us.
trust your gut. she can go through the proper legal channels if she wants visitation. they don't take kids away from parents for no reason.
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nta - the 9 year old remembers and is still hurt by his mom leaving them. him seeing his mom will only upset him/make him angry.
the other children are wayyy to young to understand what is going on if they were to see her. your sister does still have a chance to see her kids again, but only when the kids are ready/want to see her.
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nta
she was a lousy mother for choosing drugs over her kids. they were put in your custody for a reason.
plus, little kids are honest. if a 9 year old says they resent their mother for a legit reason, respect it. get them therapy because of their situation and tell everyone that you are the legal guardian, the only way anyone can force the kids to interact with your sister is through a court order
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nta. if there isnt something enforced by the courts, and the only kid that remembers her doesnt want to see her, then there is no reason you need to put them thru that. i'd also be leery of letting these family members watch the kids, just in case they call bio mom and force a meeting that way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28f) obtained custody of my sister's (35f) kids (9m,4f,2f), back in 2018, after she left them alone for two weeks to go on a "trip" (read. drug bender). of course this was a huge transition for the kiddos, they had to be moved schools and daycares, and of course couldn't see their mom anymore. now, the kids are doing better and definitely lead happier lives. recently, though, my sister was released from prison, and wants to see the kids again. she called me, begging to have a visit with them, and telling me that i could give them back because she was out of prison now. i've had a talk with the 9 year old, and he says that he doesn't want to see his mom yet, and that he still hates her for leaving him alone. the girls have no memories of her, and the smallest one was only three months old the last time she saw her. i do feel like i could have helped them foster a better relationship with her, but i don't want to force the oldest into meeting her when he absolutely doesn't want to. still, my close family has told me that the oldest doesn't know what he's talking about, and it's my fault the little ones don't remember their mother because i didn't take them to see her when she was in prison. they also told me that it's my responsibility to force them to meet her, even when they don't want to, because that's what's best for them and they shouldn't grow up without their mother. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) obtained custody of my sister's (35f) kids (9m,4f,2f), back in 2018, after she left them alone for two weeks to go on a "trip" (read. drug bender). of course this was a huge transition for the kiddos, they had to be moved schools and daycares, and of course couldn't see their mom anymore. now, the kids are doing better and definitely lead happier lives. recently, though, my sister was released from prison, and wants to see the kids again. she called me, begging to have a visit with them, and telling me that i could give them back because she was out of prison now. i've had a talk with the 9 year old, and he says that he doesn't want to see his mom yet, and that he still hates her for leaving him alone. the girls have no memories of her, and the smallest one was only three months old the last time she saw her. i do feel like i could have helped them foster a better relationship with her, but i don't want to force the oldest into meeting her when he absolutely doesn't want to. still, my close family has told me that the oldest doesn't know what he's talking about, and it's my fault the little ones don't remember their mother because i didn't take them to see her when she was in prison. they also told me that it's my responsibility to force them to meet her, even when they don't want to, because that's what's best for them and they shouldn't grow up without their mother. so, aita? [/INST] nta. i'm not a child psychologist but despite what your mother says, it's possible that it could actually be bad for them to see their bio mom (your sister). but you are definitely not an ah. </s>
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AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?
| 60,326 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2k5kv/aita_for_bringing_my_sils_wallet_to_the/
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2022-08-31 17:59:37
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nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again
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she made the reservation and invited you. etiquette says she would be responsible for 100% of that bill.
nta
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nta. awesome power move. but when is your husband gonna step up and make her pay her share?
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nta. that was a boss move. but if you want to keep it up without getting accused of touching her things, when you're in the car, don't let your husband start driving until she shows you she has her wallet on her. you told her right up front "i'm not paying this time." and she tried to push you into it. honestly, i don't know why you keep going out with her. cancel. or insist your husband pays. like, what does he say about all of this? because he needs to have a chat with his sister about how she's abusing your generosity.
next time she stays and says there's a reservation: "oh, hey, i hope you guys have a nice time. yeah, i'm not going. i'm getting tired of someone who isn't my husband continuously trying to fuck me."
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nta - why do you and your husband still allow her to stay with you or choose expe sive restaurants or even go out with her?
i think you need to talk to your husband about this behaviour. i am very curious as to why he hasn't stepped in and shut this down and wonder if he is the one encouraging her to do this behind your back.
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stop eating out with her. when she makes a reservation. tell her to have a nice evening and doordash yourself a nice meal.
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nta.
she’s playing checkers, you’re playing chess, and she’s mad you called her on her bs.
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usually, i'm against people touching others' property, but in this case, well done. be aware that next time she will be hiding her wallet, but maybe just refuse to go out to dinner if she didn't bring her wallet/card. let her know if she doesn't pay she will not be going out with you and your husband and make it clear that your hospitality is a courtesy, not an obligation. she's very welcome to stay in a hotel next time if she doesn't abide by the rules and respects you. your husband's family might start harassing you after you establish the rules, so might be worth having a dialogue with your husband and having him be "the bad cop". if the family complains, tell them that they are welcome to pay your sil's expenses, including past dinners if you have the receipts or bank statements.
your sil's an entitled brat.
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nta. stone cold busted. next time she books an expensive restaurant, just stand her up, and even better, tell her to find a hotel for her next visit.
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nta - i would have done the same. she’s only furious because you called her on her crap and beat her at her own game. if she genuinely forgot her wallet she would be thanking you for having the forethought to remember it for her so since she’s so “forgetful”.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta but you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your licence so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again </s>
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AITA For kicking my son out of my house after he cancelled my job interview?
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please hear me out first. i'm a single mom (45) of a 20 year old son (chris) chris is in college. he studies engineering. being a single mom at a young age was not easy for me. despite everything i been through. despite my own family giving up on me. i made sure my son got the life he deserves. he was/is my everything. i worked several jobs that were different from eachothers. i was able to own a home after years of renting. and more importantly i was able to provide chris with an opportunity for education.
recently. chris moved back in with me because he no longer could pay rent. his next semester is starting soon. and he's been talking to me about the possibility of selling my house and buying a house in the city where he studies so he will no longer pay rent and said that it was better to move. i declined for several reasons; 1 grew up here, my old friends live here. 2 the city is expensive 3 this home means a lot it represents my hard work and sacrifices.chris didn't like that. he threw a fit and kept brining it up trying to convince me to do it.
last week he kept pressuring me. i told him that i found a potential job at a company and it was an opportunity because i been looking for 3 months. he took as in i don't want to move because of my new job. but it's not true.
yesterday. i found out that he contacted the company and cancelled my interview and then deleted my email. i use a computer and it's in the office so he gets access to it. he told me he wanted to check his college website for some reason and i thought nothing of it.
that was the night before. i found out yesterday morning that someone cancelled my interview. i confronted chris about it. first he denied then he said that the company wasn't what i deserved anyway and i can find a better position when we move to the city.
i was so mad at him for ruining this for me and pressuring me to move leaving me no choice. i felt as if he was trying to sell the house from under me after he said he found a potential buyer and just wanted to make things go smoothly and all i have to say is yes.
i yelled at him and argued with him telling him that he was an adult and should manage his own issues. told him to get a job but not expect me to turn my life upside down for him. he yelled back saying i was selfish and i ended up kicking him out of the house. his aunt knew and was yelling at me for what i did saying i was treating him poorly and he was hurt by me.
just to clarify his aunt is my sister. she doesn't have children of her own. and chris considers her as a second mother to him. she's always defending him nomatter the reason. he hasn't left town yet and she wants me to call him.
in need to mention that this is not how he is normally i have no idea what's going on but he was constantly talking about it and was insisting so much it got me upset and worried honestly.
| 21,254 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krxs5l/aita_for_kicking_my_son_out_of_my_house_after_he/
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2021-01-06 21:35:52
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nta .he is 20. legally your house is under your name. he is doing shady things like that around your house then he is being shady in general. when it comes to family it is difficult to do anything negative but he needs to learn about consequences.
make him pay rent (a normal rate no discount)
if he wants internet then he needs to pay for it. lock your computer and if he complains then give him $10 and tell him to go to a library
now for the aunt. tell her that you needed the job and if they don't listen to both sides of the story then they can fuck off
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nta
if you ever accept in your home again, charge him rent. he's being extremely ungrateful and entitled. it is non of his aunt's business and your son needed the reality check.
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nta.
your son is a user. he wants to use mommy's money to buy himself a house in an area he wants to live in without having to lift a damn finger, pay any money out of his own pocket, or do any of the work. this move benefits him only. in his fantasy land...he doesn't have to pay rent, he doesn't have to work, he doesn't have to commute. he can just depend on mommy to pay all his bills, buy him his dream home, and go to college with no worries. he destroyed your job prospects and you may not be able to get an interview agian because this type of interference looks really bad and will be difficult to explain to an employer. your son is delusional if he thinks he has any entitlement to use your money and the sale of your house for his own personal gain. he deserved a reality check and to be removed from the home.
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nta. if auntie thinks you're being cruel she can take him in and see what happens.
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nta and honestly that's controlling and abusive behavior on your sons part. he is crossing boundaries and trying to make decisions for you, a grown woman. his mother. he is a grown man that can move to the city when he is able to afford it and shouldn't be banking on you giving everything up so he can get what he wants.
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nta. you’ve done enough for him. he’s a 20 year old adult. nothing justifies his cancelling your interview. that’s a huge breach of privacy and trust. he should get a part time job.
if he comes back, ask him to start paying rent, utilities and grocery.
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op could he be using? or does he owe somebody money. this reminds me of addict behavior. you mentioned that he is normally not like this is he suffering from any mental or medical issues possibly?
&#x200b;
nta
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nta - i guess he is used to you giving up everything for him but he is not a child now and he has no call on where do you want to live or work, you did right.
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nta sending good vibes so you hopefully can still interview!
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nta
good riddance! that guy's antics are absolutely nuts!
if his aunt has a problem, she can take him in. block them both.
i don't know how or why your kid turned out this badly, but at this point it's not your problem anymore. best cut your losses.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please hear me out first. i'm a single mom (45) of a 20 year old son (chris) chris is in college. he studies engineering. being a single mom at a young age was not easy for me. despite everything i been through. despite my own family giving up on me. i made sure my son got the life he deserves. he was/is my everything. i worked several jobs that were different from eachothers. i was able to own a home after years of renting. and more importantly i was able to provide chris with an opportunity for education. recently. chris moved back in with me because he no longer could pay rent. his next semester is starting soon. and he's been talking to me about the possibility of selling my house and buying a house in the city where he studies so he will no longer pay rent and said that it was better to move. i declined for several reasons; 1 grew up here, my old friends live here. 2 the city is expensive 3 this home means a lot it represents my hard work and sacrifices.chris didn't like that. he threw a fit and kept brining it up trying to convince me to do it. last week he kept pressuring me. i told him that i found a potential job at a company and it was an opportunity because i been looking for 3 months. he took as in i don't want to move because of my new job. but it's not true. yesterday. i found out that he contacted the company and cancelled my interview and then deleted my email. i use a computer and it's in the office so he gets access to it. he told me he wanted to check his college website for some reason and i thought nothing of it. that was the night before. i found out yesterday morning that someone cancelled my interview. i confronted chris about it. first he denied then he said that the company wasn't what i deserved anyway and i can find a better position when we move to the city. i was so mad at him for ruining this for me and pressuring me to move leaving me no choice. i felt as if he was trying to sell the house from under me after he said he found a potential buyer and just wanted to make things go smoothly and all i have to say is yes. i yelled at him and argued with him telling him that he was an adult and should manage his own issues. told him to get a job but not expect me to turn my life upside down for him. he yelled back saying i was selfish and i ended up kicking him out of the house. his aunt knew and was yelling at me for what i did saying i was treating him poorly and he was hurt by me. just to clarify his aunt is my sister. she doesn't have children of her own. and chris considers her as a second mother to him. she's always defending him nomatter the reason. he hasn't left town yet and she wants me to call him. in need to mention that this is not how he is normally i have no idea what's going on but he was constantly talking about it and was insisting so much it got me upset and worried honestly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please hear me out first. i'm a single mom (45) of a 20 year old son (chris) chris is in college. he studies engineering. being a single mom at a young age was not easy for me. despite everything i been through. despite my own family giving up on me. i made sure my son got the life he deserves. he was/is my everything. i worked several jobs that were different from eachothers. i was able to own a home after years of renting. and more importantly i was able to provide chris with an opportunity for education. recently. chris moved back in with me because he no longer could pay rent. his next semester is starting soon. and he's been talking to me about the possibility of selling my house and buying a house in the city where he studies so he will no longer pay rent and said that it was better to move. i declined for several reasons; 1 grew up here, my old friends live here. 2 the city is expensive 3 this home means a lot it represents my hard work and sacrifices.chris didn't like that. he threw a fit and kept brining it up trying to convince me to do it. last week he kept pressuring me. i told him that i found a potential job at a company and it was an opportunity because i been looking for 3 months. he took as in i don't want to move because of my new job. but it's not true. yesterday. i found out that he contacted the company and cancelled my interview and then deleted my email. i use a computer and it's in the office so he gets access to it. he told me he wanted to check his college website for some reason and i thought nothing of it. that was the night before. i found out yesterday morning that someone cancelled my interview. i confronted chris about it. first he denied then he said that the company wasn't what i deserved anyway and i can find a better position when we move to the city. i was so mad at him for ruining this for me and pressuring me to move leaving me no choice. i felt as if he was trying to sell the house from under me after he said he found a potential buyer and just wanted to make things go smoothly and all i have to say is yes. i yelled at him and argued with him telling him that he was an adult and should manage his own issues. told him to get a job but not expect me to turn my life upside down for him. he yelled back saying i was selfish and i ended up kicking him out of the house. his aunt knew and was yelling at me for what i did saying i was treating him poorly and he was hurt by me. just to clarify his aunt is my sister. she doesn't have children of her own. and chris considers her as a second mother to him. she's always defending him nomatter the reason. he hasn't left town yet and she wants me to call him. in need to mention that this is not how he is normally i have no idea what's going on but he was constantly talking about it and was insisting so much it got me upset and worried honestly. [/INST] nta .he is 20. legally your house is under your name. he is doing shady things like that around your house then he is being shady in general. when it comes to family it is difficult to do anything negative but he needs to learn about consequences. make him pay rent (a normal rate no discount) if he wants internet then he needs to pay for it. lock your computer and if he complains then give him $10 and tell him to go to a library now for the aunt. tell her that you needed the job and if they don't listen to both sides of the story then they can fuck off </s>
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AITA For not being happy that my sister is pregnant AGAIN?
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throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main.
my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement.
problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!)
so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way.
later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, **i** did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized.
it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her.
| 29,790 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u84njt/aita_for_not_being_happy_that_my_sister_is/
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2022-04-20 19:40:48
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nta and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say " no, sister said god will provide so i'm giving him a turn"
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nta - you are not an ah or an atm. you don't owe anyone an apology. but, if you want to keep the peace you could say something like:
"i am sorry that i didn't react well to your news. it is your decision how to grow your family and live your life, and if you are happy then i am happy for you. but i want to make sure that you understand that i can no longer provide you with financial support. i feel like you have been taking advantage of my generosity. if the only way to get your forgiveness or to have a place in this family is to pay for it by supporting your children financially, then i guess we all need to take some time apart."
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nta. they did you a favor by cutting you off. you owe them nothing, don’t give them anything.
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nta. please stop giving her money. i’d suggest blocking these entitled people as well. enjoy the ban from family (i mean that quite seriously, it will be cheaper and much less stressful if you just enjoy it.)
if they ever contact you for money again, say no but also if you know how much you’ve already given/lent say either “i’ve already given sister $xxxx, i’m not giving her anymore, but i’m sure you’d be happy to help her out.” or “sister still owes me $xxxx from before, i’m not lending her money ever again because she doesn’t pay me back. if you want to lend her money, go ahead.”
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nta. in the future when mom contacts you for money, just reply "god will provide" and hang up.
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nta- if you can't afford to care for the kids you already have, don't keep having kids. it's cruel and selfish to purposely have a kid when you can't afford one.
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nta.
unless your sister has a specific health condition, getting into an argument is not going to cause her to miscarry. the whole "don't stress out a pregnant woman or she'll miscarry" nonsense drives me insane. as a former pregnant woman, trust me, we're emotional nightmares and stress is only a part of it. one time i saw a puppy that was so cute and i cried and cried because i just thought it was so cute. like, bawling, snot bubbling, just absolutely ridiculous.
your sister and her baby are going to be fine, unless there's other underlying causes, but either way, you have nothing to do with that potential outcome.
you also have zero obligation to support them. they made those babies, they need to take care of them. it is not your job.
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nta.
honestly, everyone being silent now is probably the best outcome, because there was a whole lot of stupid coming out of their mouths.
it isn’t uncommon for people to pop out children they cannot afford, and guilt family into giving them money. making family member’s feel obligated to provide for you is so much easier than getting a job when you’re financially struggling.
your sister was the one who pushed you into actually talking about why you weren’t giddy about her news, and she got a truthful answer. there is nothing wrong with that. you are the one expected to pay for these children she keeps having, and it’s completely reasonable to tell her that she’s being cut-off from those funds after showing zero gratefulness or any recognition.
your sister’s stress is completely on her, because she asked you to be honest, and pushed you until you started talking. if you are unwilling to say what’s on your mind right off the bat, then she should have realized it wasn’t something she’d want to hear.
it’s easy for you mom to text you and let you know your sister needs x amount of money, without her truly thinking about that number. now that you are no longer paying for your sister, guess where she’s going to go? of course your mom won’t admit to how much she really asked of you once she’s hit with your sister’s expenses, but you can bet she’s going to feel it.
i would go through messages and bank statements to find out an exact number you’ve handed over in the span of a year, and when your mom eventually calls or texts to ask if you’re ready to apologize yet, you can hit her with that number, and let her know the only thing you’re sorry for is not standing up for yourself sooner.
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nta i would continue to go radio silence, and if they complain about it more, just say "well, sis said god will provide, so who am i to step in god's way."
it sounds to me like you're better off without them; they need you more than you need them. i hope you have a good group of friends to serve as a support system because right now when it comes to your family you're atlas and they're the rest of the world. it's not fair for you to have to support them all.
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nta do these people not know about birth control
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main. my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!) so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way. later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, **i** did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized. it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want my family tracking this back to my main. my sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. she's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great university. since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of christ. they gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before covid, and is barely limping along now. sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. so guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. they don't even ask! my mom just texts me "your sister needs $x.xx for the kids" and i'm supposed to cough up. if i complain, they accuse me of being jealous because i don't have a husband and family even though i'm older (i'm only 26!) so over easter i notice my sister isn't drinking and i think oh god, here we go again. sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. everyone's gushing and i just try to stay quiet and out of the way. later she asks me if everything's alright and i try to play it off but she pushes so i asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. she very snippily replies "god will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. i yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, **i** did, and i wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. it devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically i've been banned from my family unless i apologize. i haven't apologized. it's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. i asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. idk. i don't think i'm ta but i don't want to be the reason she miscarries. also, i think i might be ta because secretly i think it would be better if she did even though i wouldn't say that to her. [/INST] nta and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say " no, sister said god will provide so i'm giving him a turn" </s>
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AITA for refusing to get my daughter a breast reduction?
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my daughter is a teenager who hit puberty a few years ago. she used to be an outstanding gymnast, but since puberty, she has lost confidence sometimes doesn’t even place in regional competitions.
one of the reasons she lost confidence is because her chest is larger than the other girls her age. lately, she’s been claiming that her chest size causes her pain when she does gymnastics, and that she finds her chest uncomfortable to move with. last year, she started wearing a chest binder and she says it makes her feel much more comfortable. however, the binder often causes her to feel sore.
she approached me and told me she wants to get her chest reduced, and tried framing it as a health issue. she basically is saying the binder makes her sore, and that her chest gives her back pain, and it’s better to remove them for her long term health. she claimed that if she didn’t get a reduction, she’d have to quit gymnastics because of the “physical strain”.
i tried to present her side as fairly as possible, but i am absolutely against her getting a chest reduction. i know my daughter can be very insecure and she often tries to copy the other girls. she also complains a lot about not finding stuff “that fits” and how she wishes she didn’t have to wear a bra. all of these reasons to me are cosmetic reasons, not medical reasons, for getting a serious surgery.
my daughter is very upset, and is still threatening to quit gymnastics. however, i don’t think changing her body on a teenage insecurity is fair. aita?
| 4,491 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ix5va2/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_daughter_a_breast/
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2020-09-21 18:14:10
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yta, not for refusing the surgery but for the dismissive way you speak about her in this. you can make the decision not to get her the surgery, that's technically your right as a parent. however, you make it seem like you can't imagine your daughter wanting this for any reasons other than vanity. i had to quit competitive cross country the year after making varsity, because my chest was very large and it was painful to keep running long distance at a certain point. you need to take your daughter more seriously. if she's taking it seriously enough to wear a binder that causes her physical pain wit continued usage, you should probably be taking it seriously too.
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yta - you aren't the right person to decide whether it's a medical issue, she should be talking to a doctor (starting with a gp but potentially with referral to an osteopath or physiotherapist).
you are the asshole because you are dismissing her pain. pain is a medical issue. also large breasts do cause back issues in some women, particularly if they are otherwise quite petite (which i am guessing your daughter is as a gymnast). there may be other ways to address the pain and the issues it's causing her with competing, but again, that's something that a sports physiotherapist or an osteopath would be best placed to help with.
if there isn't another viable way to manage the pain it's causing her, insurance companies do cover breast reduction in those cases because it is a medical necessity.
you need to listen to your daughter when she says she is in pain and do something about it, not just assume she is lying to try and 'fit in'. that doesn't mean you jump immediately to surgery but you do need to look for solutions and that should be on the table as an option if that's what ends up being best for her.
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let me guess: you're either a man, or you're a woman with small boobs. yta for framing this as a cosmetic complaint. i have big boobs and i plan to get a reduction in the next few years. it's absolutely a health thing.
i'd talk to a cosmetic surgeon about whether or not it's recommended for someone her age or if she should wait a few years. but i'd absolutely talk to a cosmetic surgeon and stop making assumptions that my athlete daughter just suddenly turned flighty and vapid and decided a "teenage insecurity" was more important than her sport.
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i say this unfortunately because i feel you’re acting out of love but yta. binders can be dangerous if worn too long and while doing activities like hers, and as someone with a large chest who did competitive cheer (which not as vigorous training but includes the same tumbling as gymnastics and added other things like stunting) it is bad for your health. i’m 23 now with back problems and a shoulder issue my doctor has said is directly because of my chest and how i used to cheer with it. i want desperately to get a reduction and i wish i could have gotten one when i was younger so i didn’t have to wear a binder or (even more dangerously) ace bandage my chest down to cheer. you may think that she’s simply being a follower and shallow, but if your daughter wants to be a gymnast and continue doing this for a while it won’t be sustainable for her with a big chest.
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yta. your daughter has very real concerns that can be addressed by reducing her breast size.
you, however provide no reasons as to why you think she shouldn't do it other than you "think" she's insecure.
she's not insecure. she is in pain, and her size (as you say in a comment) is big enough it's hard to find in stores. it hurts her chosen sport and causes her pain. that's enough. you even say that this doesn't count as cosmetic surgery in a comment.
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transgender man here who wears a binder. they are absolutely not sustainable in the long run; and do a lot of damage, up to the point of shattering ribs. back pain isn’t cosmetic. it’s medical. bras should fit. yta.
also, she shouldn’t be wearing a binder to do any form of sports.
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yta.
your daughter has lost confidence, has back pain, and needs custom clothing. one of those is a psychological reason (and it really can be huge), one is a medical reason, and the last is an indication that your daughter isn't complaining about a relatively minor issue, or a "mere" teenage insecurity - if you have to go custom, you are looking at some obstructive breasts.
you need to bring a doctor in on this. you need to talk to your daughter's coaches. you need to listen to your daughter about her feelings (about gymnastics and about her body). while i understand your caution, you do not get to make this decision unilaterally, and your daughter has some really good points.
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i am going to break down all of the ways yta.
> my daughter is a teenager who hit puberty a few years ago. she used to be an outstanding gymnast, but since puberty, she has lost confidence sometimes doesn’t even place in regional competitions.
you are already minimizing her statements by framing her performance as being due to confidence, not physical pain.
> lately, she’s been claiming that her chest size causes her pain when she does gymnastics, and that she finds her chest uncomfortable to move with.
your use of the word 'claim' makes it sound like you don't believe her when she tells you this.
> she approached me and told me she wants to get her chest reduced, and tried framing it as a health issue.
again, your use of the word 'tried' tells me you don't believe that this is a health issue.
> she basically is saying the binder makes her sore, and that her chest gives her back pain, and it’s better to remove them for her long term health.
yes, large breasts causing back pain and binders causing soreness and shortness of breath are extremely common, well-documented things.
> she claimed that if she didn’t get a reduction, she’d have to quit gymnastics because of the “physical strain”.
once more, your use of 'claim' and your use of quotes show you aren't believing what she is saying.
> i know my daughter can be very insecure and she often tries to copy the other girls.
so you think you know the 'true' reason, not the very believable reasons she has told you?
> she also complains a lot about not finding stuff “that fits” and how she wishes she didn’t have to wear a bra.
so what else have you tried to help her overcome these things? are you paying to get her blouses tailored? have you taken her to get a professional bra fitting? poorly fitting bras aggravate poor fit, poor posture, and discomfort.
> all of these reasons to me are cosmetic reasons, not medical reasons, for getting a serious surgery.
but these are not the reasons she has told you. you just don't believe her medical reasons.
> my daughter is very upset, and is still threatening to quit gymnastics.
why is wanting to quit a sport due to physical discomfort a 'threat', and not the obviously correct thing to do to not aggravate back pain???
> however, i don’t think changing her body on a teenage insecurity is fair. aita?
i don't either, but pain could be. it's a conversation you need to have with her doctor.
for background, i wear a 28ff. i have also suffered insecurity, poorly fitting clothes, physical pain during exercise, and physical pain from wearing binders. i have opted not to get a breast reduction, because surgery is expensive, scary, risky, and time consuming. however, i hope you'll listen to my experience with having breasts as validation of your complaints. it took me until my 20s to find a properly-fitted bra that alleviates my back pain, and they cost $80+ and need to be ordered from europe. sports bras that allow me to exercise without discomfort are even harder to find, but once i found some and was able to exercise comfortably it did massive things for my self esteem. i also have an impossible time finding clothes that fit, and regularly spend twice as much time and money as my friends in order to feel cute. i view it as a problem with the fashion industry rather than a problem with my body, but the inconvenience is real.
now, i don't blame you for having apprehensions about getting elective surgery for a teenager whose body is still developing. but you are an ah in every way for how you talk about your daughter, and for invalidating her claims instead of proposing alternate solutions for her.
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yta
i don't want to be rude, but you straight up don't know what you're talking. you're not a doctor, you're not a psychologist or a child-behavior-expert, you don't appear to have any medical expertise or mental health expertise, so why are you so certain your opinions or perspectives matter?
take the kid to experts, let her, the person experiencing these things, talk to them, the people who know about these things, and form your opinions after you learn some stuff.
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yta. larger breasts are painful, which is a pain that you clearly don’t understand. i have larger breast but a small body. i get frustrated with how things fit me because i have to accommodate to my chest size. but everything else will be baggy and ill-fitting. i found it very hard to be and feel confident when i looked homeless most of the time. she’s doing gymnastics that requires a lot of jumping and dynamic movement, that’ll incur back pain and chest soreness. for me, even running is painful if i’m not wearing a tight bra, which btw sucks to wear cos it gets harder to breathe. it’s painful and there’s no real solution to this besides a breast reduction. stop enforcing a stigma against cosmetic surgery thinking that it’s purely for cosmetic purposes because it’s not.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is a teenager who hit puberty a few years ago. she used to be an outstanding gymnast, but since puberty, she has lost confidence sometimes doesn’t even place in regional competitions. one of the reasons she lost confidence is because her chest is larger than the other girls her age. lately, she’s been claiming that her chest size causes her pain when she does gymnastics, and that she finds her chest uncomfortable to move with. last year, she started wearing a chest binder and she says it makes her feel much more comfortable. however, the binder often causes her to feel sore. she approached me and told me she wants to get her chest reduced, and tried framing it as a health issue. she basically is saying the binder makes her sore, and that her chest gives her back pain, and it’s better to remove them for her long term health. she claimed that if she didn’t get a reduction, she’d have to quit gymnastics because of the “physical strain”. i tried to present her side as fairly as possible, but i am absolutely against her getting a chest reduction. i know my daughter can be very insecure and she often tries to copy the other girls. she also complains a lot about not finding stuff “that fits” and how she wishes she didn’t have to wear a bra. all of these reasons to me are cosmetic reasons, not medical reasons, for getting a serious surgery. my daughter is very upset, and is still threatening to quit gymnastics. however, i don’t think changing her body on a teenage insecurity is fair. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is a teenager who hit puberty a few years ago. she used to be an outstanding gymnast, but since puberty, she has lost confidence sometimes doesn’t even place in regional competitions. one of the reasons she lost confidence is because her chest is larger than the other girls her age. lately, she’s been claiming that her chest size causes her pain when she does gymnastics, and that she finds her chest uncomfortable to move with. last year, she started wearing a chest binder and she says it makes her feel much more comfortable. however, the binder often causes her to feel sore. she approached me and told me she wants to get her chest reduced, and tried framing it as a health issue. she basically is saying the binder makes her sore, and that her chest gives her back pain, and it’s better to remove them for her long term health. she claimed that if she didn’t get a reduction, she’d have to quit gymnastics because of the “physical strain”. i tried to present her side as fairly as possible, but i am absolutely against her getting a chest reduction. i know my daughter can be very insecure and she often tries to copy the other girls. she also complains a lot about not finding stuff “that fits” and how she wishes she didn’t have to wear a bra. all of these reasons to me are cosmetic reasons, not medical reasons, for getting a serious surgery. my daughter is very upset, and is still threatening to quit gymnastics. however, i don’t think changing her body on a teenage insecurity is fair. aita? [/INST] yta, not for refusing the surgery but for the dismissive way you speak about her in this. you can make the decision not to get her the surgery, that's technically your right as a parent. however, you make it seem like you can't imagine your daughter wanting this for any reasons other than vanity. i had to quit competitive cross country the year after making varsity, because my chest was very large and it was painful to keep running long distance at a certain point. you need to take your daughter more seriously. if she's taking it seriously enough to wear a binder that causes her physical pain wit continued usage, you should probably be taking it seriously too. </s>
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AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my brothers could come?
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i f25 along with my two brothers dean & kevin (both 30s) went through rough time during our parents divorce, mom got married to my stepdad and we lived with him for years. dean and kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. i, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since i'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and i'm very grateful for that though this was his decision.
i sent dean and kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. they took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. i literally freaked out because i definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and i tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance i had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. he said that he didn't reply but later i got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying i was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, i told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me i'd have everyone there. she cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that i'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. after she hung up i asked my fiance if i made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and i get to decide eventually but i knew he said that because he's biased.
| 12,846 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s3qixv/aita_for_uninviting_my_stepdad_from_my_wedding_so/
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2022-01-14 11:48:31
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yta.
your brothers are 30, they need to grow up.
from your description they are redirecting anger at your mum and dad at your stepdad.
you describe your stepdad as a nice man.
now you are letting your brothers control who you invite to your wedding.
if your brothers threaten not to come surely that pushes you into a position to not invite them instead? i don’t understand why you are putting your brothers first in this whole situation.
your mothers words hurt because they are true.
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yta.
1. you caved to the assholes' ultimatum.
2. you let your stepdad, with whom you've got good contact and who offered to pay for the wedding, know he was uninvited.. by email.
did you accept any money for the wedding from your stepdad or your mom?
if you didn't, you're a medium-sized asshole. if you did, you're a massive asshole.
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your step-dad helped through school and till your wedding fund, and you uninvite him from this said wedding via email?
your brothers are ah, and you're enabling them. so...
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yta. if your stepdad funded your wedding, he deserves to attend it. fuck this “it’s your wedding” bullshit. yes, you get to decide. but you’re an asshole for un-inviting the person who paid for it.
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yta-your stepdad paid for the wedding and your brothers are so into their feels that they gave you an ultimatum about your wedding day when your wedding isn’t about them but you and your so. yta. you can’t mend other ppl’s relationships but you also shouldn’t fuck over your stepdad who sounds like he’s been there for you. if he is not attending, the proper thing to do is to give him back the money he’s paid towards your wedding. i’m pretty sure your mom isn’t attending if your stepdad isn’t.
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yta.
you invited everybody you wanted at the wedding. your brothers are being petty for creating the ultimatum against a stepdad that seemingly hasn’t done anything wrong. they generally chose to dislike him solely because he is a stepdad. in my opinion, if your brothers really cared, they would go to your wedding regardless in support you. them creating the ultimatum shows that their hate for your stepdad is more important than you.
what makes you ta is uninviting your stepdad for your brothers. as much as you want your brothers to attend, it’s their decision whether or not they would come. that decision shouldn’t be at the detriment of someone else attending. of course, it is your wedding and you have the final say of who attends.
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yta. you had a choice and you made a very hurtful one. the person you have a stable relationship with, who loved you enough to finance your wedding, is the one you chose to exclude instead of leaving your emotionally manipulative brothers to their own choice. your brothers’ seemingly unfounded resentment (they have no business in who your mother chose to be with, that was her choice, and it seems as though your stepdad made an effort to connect with them) is not actually your problem. if they can’t be adults and be present for their sister’s wedding because someone they don’t like will also be there, that’s on *them*. **and you should be furious with them** because they have effectively told you that their distaste for your stepdad is more important to them than you are. but you just accepted that, smh.
ultimately it is your wedding and your choice to decide…and you made the wrong one.
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[removed]
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how does someone uninvite a person paying for it?
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yta
your stepdad supported you with school and everything. besides that he even sponsored it and you just simply uninvite him through an email of all communication means? that's not only an ah move you are also avoiding the problem.
> after she hung up i asked my fiance if i made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and i get to decide eventually but i knew he said that because he's biased
he isn't biased. he is giving a politically correct answer to your question as he knows choosing either sides will in someway make you unhappy.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f25 along with my two brothers dean & kevin (both 30s) went through rough time during our parents divorce, mom got married to my stepdad and we lived with him for years. dean and kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. i, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since i'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and i'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. i sent dean and kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. they took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. i literally freaked out because i definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and i tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance i had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. he said that he didn't reply but later i got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying i was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, i told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me i'd have everyone there. she cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that i'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. after she hung up i asked my fiance if i made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and i get to decide eventually but i knew he said that because he's biased.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f25 along with my two brothers dean & kevin (both 30s) went through rough time during our parents divorce, mom got married to my stepdad and we lived with him for years. dean and kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. i, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since i'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and i'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. i sent dean and kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. they took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. i literally freaked out because i definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and i tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance i had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. he said that he didn't reply but later i got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying i was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, i told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me i'd have everyone there. she cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that i'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. after she hung up i asked my fiance if i made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and i get to decide eventually but i knew he said that because he's biased. [/INST] yta. your brothers are 30, they need to grow up. from your description they are redirecting anger at your mum and dad at your stepdad. you describe your stepdad as a nice man. now you are letting your brothers control who you invite to your wedding. if your brothers threaten not to come surely that pushes you into a position to not invite them instead? i don’t understand why you are putting your brothers first in this whole situation. your mothers words hurt because they are true. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my sister in law?
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context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most.
now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean.
she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far.
i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita?
| 21,865 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb10pv/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_in_law/
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2019-07-09 13:40:37
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nta. not only do you have to keep a straight head because you’re being mindful that you did in fact have a drug problem before, but you also have to deal with someone constantly accusing you of something you worked so hard to overcome? you have every right to be angry and annoyed.
also i don’t think she doesn’t trust you; i think she likes to be the center of attention and wants you to fail so she can say i told you so
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nta first off congrats on staying clean for nearly 6 years! second like you said it’s been six years since you went near it and she is still not capable to accept that you are clean, the fact that she still gossips about “being right” is just sickening
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nta. my sister is a recovering addict. your sil is endangering your sobriety by undermining you and refusing to let you flourish. piss in a cup, prove you're clean and tell your family they better have more to go on if they ever stage an intervention on her whims again.
congratulations on making it this far. you're kicking ass.
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nta -
your sil needs to reevaluate her feelings towards you, and keep her trap shut. there’s absolutely no reason to try to undermine you and put your own family against you.
i’m so proud of you for getting and staying clean, i know it’s hard on a person to stay in recovery. keep doing you and be healthy and maybe she will finally see straight and get over herself.
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nta.
listen, addiction is a really difficult subject. it effects the family as well. and technically once an addict always an addict.
with that being said: congratulations!! being straight that long is amazing. i've heard day 1 is just as hard as day 1000 but it sounds like you're not getting complacent, which is super important. "i can handle one hit" always turns into a bender.
i can see your family being concerned but the fact that it's her go to, that you're automatically thought to be at fault when anything is "missing" or that you can't go a few days without talking to people without them worried is probably really hard since you're an adult and they're treating you like a child.
i feel like she'll never be satistifed. you could do drug tests every 3 months and she'd ask for monthly. hell, you could do them monthly and she'd say you must have bought clean urine.
there's, unfortunately, no really good solution here. make it clear that you don't ever want to go back to that behaviors and that you understand where she's coming from but that she needs to respect that if something happens and you relapse you'll let them know (because things happen) but that you're really happy with your life right now and constantly being reminded of your past issues and it sort of being expected that it'll happen again is really making it hard to live your life the way you need to.
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nta. “you are incapable of staying clean, you junkie! but i only care about your well being” lol what a load of bs. people like our family always fall for that.
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nta: trust has to happen at some point. she is just watching and hoping you fail so she's "right" about you. what a wretched witch.
&#x200b;
addicts need support for success. all she's doing is tearing you down at every opportunity.
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nta.
organizing an intervention because you were out of contact while on a trip with friends? telling people you relapse every time you get sick? sounds like she might have some issues going on that she doesn't want a light pointed on.
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nta. what is this woman, junkie javert? does she at least call you by your name, or does she stick with 24601?
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nta, if it’s as you say it is she should fuck off. imo it would be very therapeutic and probably good for everyone else involved if op started sticking up for themselves more with her. if your family is staging an intervention, it’s because they believe these same things. you put her on blast, they will think you have nothing left to hide from. sometimes you have to have your own back before anyone else is going to have it for you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most. now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean. she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far. i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context here: i'm an ex heroin addict. the why and how isn't important, but i got hooked at 15, tried to get clean at 17 but relapsed hard, finally got my act together and got off it for good at 21. i'm 26 now and completely clean. i don't even drink, except for on special occasions where i'll have two or three drinks at most. now, my older brother and his wife have been together since shortly before i had my bad relapse, and she's convinced that i'm just a ticking time bomb waiting to relapse again. the first year or so, i understood her concerns and she wasn't the only person who had them. however, it's been almost six years since i was anywhere near the stuff and she *still* won't have that i'm gonna stay clean. she's very vocal about these concerns, too. if i get sick, she tells our entire family that she thinks i've relapsed again and i'm having withdrawals. she made a huge scene on christmas day two years ago because i had a cold and was a bit sniffly and she decided that i must have been doing a ton of coke. if anything goes missing from any of the family's houses, she accuses me of having stolen it for drug money. i mostly just grin and bear it so as not to make waves, but recently she took it a step too far. i went away recently with some friends. on the first day of my trip, i dropped and broke my phone. because she and my brother were unable to get ahold of me for a few days, she became convinced i had gone on a massive dope bender, and began telling my family and friends that she knew this to be the case. when i got home, i found myself being given an intervention and told how disappointed people were. it was kinda the straw that broke the camel's back, and i sort of flipped at my sister in law. i yelled at her, asking why the fuck she doesn't trust me and why she's so hellbent on undermining my success and believing that i'm incapable of staying clean. she got upset and told me she was only concerned for my wellbeing, but i said imo that's bullshit; at this point it's absolutely about her not having faith in me and if she feels that way she should stay the fuck out of my business. at that point she started crying and she and my brother left. i'm being told left and right that i'm an asshole and ungrateful because she's only looking out for me and i need to apologise, but i'm still upset that she evidently believes i'm incapable of doing this. aita? [/INST] nta. not only do you have to keep a straight head because you’re being mindful that you did in fact have a drug problem before, but you also have to deal with someone constantly accusing you of something you worked so hard to overcome? you have every right to be angry and annoyed. also i don’t think she doesn’t trust you; i think she likes to be the center of attention and wants you to fail so she can say i told you so </s>
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AITA for not doing anything for christmas this year and making my husband livid?
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so i'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids. my husband works full time and gets an okay- salary but he's tightened the grip on spending for the past 4 months to be able to save up to go watch the football event overseas. he's literally obssessed with anything to do with football. he said he rarely ever gets to do what he wants and so i didn't want to judge him since it's his money eventually.
we discussed plans for christmas and he told me to handle everything since he won't be back til dec. 20th. he told me he had put aside money for christmas decoration, food, gifts, kids needs etc. the money in total was 100$. i was completely shocked i told him 100$ for an entire family's christmas celebration was ridiculously not enough. he shrugged saying it's all he's got but i pointed out how he's paying for his friend's and his girlfriend's travel expenses. he told me to just "take it" but i said that if he decided to leave me with just 100 bucks then i won't be doing anything for christmas. we had lots of arguments and couldn't get this resolved.
he's in qatar now (he left days ago). yesterday, while i was cleaning i found an envelope with the same 100$ and a note from him telling me "to make it work". i sent him a message that i've decided that i won't be doing anything for christmas with this little money, period. he was livid he just kept sending an angry message after another calling me "spoiled" and telling me to stop expecting to live like i was still living in my parents house and to stop trying to "rob" the kids of enjoying the holidays like the other kids.
i haven't replied but he's livid saying i'm punishing him for going and trying to guilt him using his own money.
| 19,670 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0wjz0/aita_for_not_doing_anything_for_christmas_this/
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2022-11-21 11:22:40
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nta- this sounds like financial abuse. why is it 'his' money when you are in charge of household admin and childcare while he waltzes off with his friends to pay thousands to watch a bunch of overpaid eejuts kick a ball around a stadium built on eco destruction and human rights violations?
no sane person from this century could pull of christmas with 100bucks unless they go in for petty theft on a grand scale.
ultimatum time, he treats you as an equal financially or you leave and get child support.
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nta
as has been pointed out, this is called financial abuse. take your kids, go to your parents, have a beautiful christmas without your husband and get a divorce.
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nta and look up "financial abuse."
my wife is sahm so mine is the only income. anything over like $200 is a discussion about _our_ money and _our_ family.
i won't even get into the cf that is the whole world cup thing.
----
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so he has:
1. tightened the family budget for an event that only benefits him.
2. paid for his friend and his friends gf even though point 1 exists.
3. expects you to plan, cater and buy christmas decorations etc with $100 and just deal with it.
4. is gaslighting you and blaming you for his selfish actions/choices.
5. it is not his money. it is family money. im sure if you worked and pulled a stunt like this he would be more that pissed.
6. use the $100 to get a locksmith. he doesn't value you and your contributions to the family, nor your 3 kids. the world cup isn't more important than your family. its literally televised. there is no real reason to go!
nta. tbh if someone showed me and our kids this much disrespect the only thing they'd be getting is separation/divorce papers.
eta info: something that just popped into my head... has he left you any money/cards aside from the $100? if not you need to leave asap.
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nta you have 3 weeks to get a lawyer, move out and get a job. you and children are at the very bottom of his priority list. that is not going to change. good luck
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the moment you said he paid for his friend and friend’s gf to this trip i became deceased. shit, pay one more ticket and he could’ve taken his own family instead, like????
nta, either leave him or work and make your own money and guess what now he has to pay for child care. realize that shit is not free, i bet he’ll change his tune real quick. i agree with the comment saying you should have christmas with your kids at your parents and just exclude husband, and really consider leaving him cuz that’s financially abusive. the note with the 100 bucks would’ve sent me over the edge, what a complete ass…
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why do you have no say in finances? you are financially abused. your relationship sounds utterly shocking tbh.
he seems to have complete control.
you are seen as worthless.
my heart breaks that you seem to be treated as of no value.
yeah.... tell him to stick christmas up his rear.
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nta. i'd be having christmas for my kids....at my parents house.
it's his money??? let's see how much his money will be spent on alimony and child support.
he paid all expenses for his friends and left you $100 .
talk to someone about how this is so wrong, disrespectful ans uncaring
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you should do one thing for christmas - give him divorce papers as a present.
as other have said, absolutely financial abuse. going to qatar at all says nothing good about him either, clearly he doesn't care about human rights abuses. but since he apparently doesn't care about his own wife and kids that shouldn't be a surprise. nta.
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so let me get this straight. he is leaving you alone for 3 weeks although you already have a 24/7 job as sahm already?? you are nta and i would be livid if my husband just left me with 3 kids for that long. and he is also paying for his friends expenses??? he is putting his friends before his family, which is not ok. you need to have a talk with him. and maybe talk to his parents if they are willing to help out, as their son is incapable of it
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids. my husband works full time and gets an okay- salary but he's tightened the grip on spending for the past 4 months to be able to save up to go watch the football event overseas. he's literally obssessed with anything to do with football. he said he rarely ever gets to do what he wants and so i didn't want to judge him since it's his money eventually. we discussed plans for christmas and he told me to handle everything since he won't be back til dec. 20th. he told me he had put aside money for christmas decoration, food, gifts, kids needs etc. the money in total was 100$. i was completely shocked i told him 100$ for an entire family's christmas celebration was ridiculously not enough. he shrugged saying it's all he's got but i pointed out how he's paying for his friend's and his girlfriend's travel expenses. he told me to just "take it" but i said that if he decided to leave me with just 100 bucks then i won't be doing anything for christmas. we had lots of arguments and couldn't get this resolved. he's in qatar now (he left days ago). yesterday, while i was cleaning i found an envelope with the same 100$ and a note from him telling me "to make it work". i sent him a message that i've decided that i won't be doing anything for christmas with this little money, period. he was livid he just kept sending an angry message after another calling me "spoiled" and telling me to stop expecting to live like i was still living in my parents house and to stop trying to "rob" the kids of enjoying the holidays like the other kids. i haven't replied but he's livid saying i'm punishing him for going and trying to guilt him using his own money.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids. my husband works full time and gets an okay- salary but he's tightened the grip on spending for the past 4 months to be able to save up to go watch the football event overseas. he's literally obssessed with anything to do with football. he said he rarely ever gets to do what he wants and so i didn't want to judge him since it's his money eventually. we discussed plans for christmas and he told me to handle everything since he won't be back til dec. 20th. he told me he had put aside money for christmas decoration, food, gifts, kids needs etc. the money in total was 100$. i was completely shocked i told him 100$ for an entire family's christmas celebration was ridiculously not enough. he shrugged saying it's all he's got but i pointed out how he's paying for his friend's and his girlfriend's travel expenses. he told me to just "take it" but i said that if he decided to leave me with just 100 bucks then i won't be doing anything for christmas. we had lots of arguments and couldn't get this resolved. he's in qatar now (he left days ago). yesterday, while i was cleaning i found an envelope with the same 100$ and a note from him telling me "to make it work". i sent him a message that i've decided that i won't be doing anything for christmas with this little money, period. he was livid he just kept sending an angry message after another calling me "spoiled" and telling me to stop expecting to live like i was still living in my parents house and to stop trying to "rob" the kids of enjoying the holidays like the other kids. i haven't replied but he's livid saying i'm punishing him for going and trying to guilt him using his own money. [/INST] nta- this sounds like financial abuse. why is it 'his' money when you are in charge of household admin and childcare while he waltzes off with his friends to pay thousands to watch a bunch of overpaid eejuts kick a ball around a stadium built on eco destruction and human rights violations? no sane person from this century could pull of christmas with 100bucks unless they go in for petty theft on a grand scale. ultimatum time, he treats you as an equal financially or you leave and get child support. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my fiancé’s daughter to stay with us next weekend because it’s my birthday and we’re supposed to be having people over?
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next weekend it’s my birthday and we’d arranged to have a party here. my fiancé’s daughter is normally here every other weekend, but she’s had a falling out with her mom and is currently staying with us. i don’t particularly want her here at the weekend because we wanna get drunk and have fun and not worry about a 12 year old being here. i said to my fiancé can you ask her to stay at a friends or her grandparents at the weekend if she won’t go back to her moms yet. so he asked her and she’s being awkward and said she doesn’t want to. so i said to my fiancé well can you just force her to go to her grandparents then? and he was like, maybe we should just arrange to celebrate your birthday when she’s gone back to her moms...i was like no?
so aita for not wanting her here and thinking she should have to stay somewhere else that night?
so apparently i need to edit this because y’all wanna jump to conclusions and need to know every little detail.
- yes there will be sex and other stuff going on at our party. so no, she cannot just chill in her room.
- the reason she’s with us atm is because she was doing stuff online that she shouldn’t have been and her mom found out and went crazy, and they had a massive argument over it, she told her she hated her boyfriend too so she wanted to come live with us. my fiancé said she could stay for a while until everything calmed down a bit.
| 6,496 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bsu770/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancés_daughter_to_stay/
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2019-05-25 12:56:59
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yta i'm sorry your fiance's child is such a massive inconvenience to you, but judging from your attitude towards her, i would imagine you and her have a wonderful relationship ahead of you. you are (i assume) a grown adult, and you're throwing a fit because you're not getting exactly what you want on your birthday. if anyone is being awkward it's you.
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yta. i think waiting for a better weekend makes perfect sense. a kid is a major responsibility you cannot just offload whenever you please. she is a wee bit more important than getting turnt.
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yta. she's a kid, you are not. her needs come first, next weekend and until she's 18.
you, on the other hand, are a grown-ass woman who can celebrate her birthday a week later to accommodate your soon-to-be stepchild.
also, if you are about to be a stepmom to a tween, aren't you a little too old to be getting bent out of shape about a birthday party (at all, really) not falling on the actual magical birth day date?
&#x200b;
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yta, you realise you are going to be a parent to this child right?
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[removed]
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yta. kid is going to be your step child when you get married. given she's had a falling out with her mother, it must be especially shitty to hear that you don't want her here either. i know that's not exactly what you're saying, but it's probably how she hears it. sometimes shit happens, in this case your partner's child needing to stay with her father, and you as the adults have to deal with it. if that means postponing your party (or i dunno, just having the party and not getting entirely shitfaced? she's 12, not a toddler) or planning something else instead then so be it imho.
fyi, you'd probably have had better success if you'd asked the grandparents to invite her because they want to see her, instead of making it obvious that you're trying to foist her off on them.
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yta. im hoping this is a joke tbh. but if not, it's your significant others child. will be yours eventually if you make it work. you gonna ask them to leave everytime you want to drink? would you tell your own child to gtfo cause you can't control yourself with alcohol or when drunk? if your worried about the kids seeing stuff, you should go out. it's this kids second home and they should never feel unwelcome in it.
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yta.
&#x200b;
>so i said to my fiancé well can you just force her to go to her grandparents then?
&#x200b;
***force***
you've got to be kidding me, right? also, a 12 isn't being "awkward", she is a 12yo and she wants to spend time with her father. and she is a part of your future family. you should consider her your family *already*.
&#x200b;
and yeah, sorry to break it for ya, but nobody conspired to ruin your birthday, change of plans happens all the time, adapt. and stop being a crying baby,
&#x200b;
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gonna go against the grain and say esh.
i think people are being a bit harsh. my impression is that you would normally have this weekend child free and made plans accordingly, only for the kid to go 'nah, not happening.'
when i was 12 and i didn't want to do something that my parents told me to, guess what i did? exactly what my parents wanted me to. because they're my parents. and they made the rules, not me.
i think this is an issue to address with your fiancé. i know the child may be going through a difficult time, but it doesn't mean her every whim should be catered for. if she only sees her dad infrequently, hes most likely 'the fun parents' who lets her get away with stuff, whereas mom would be the strict one. time to be strict for once.
however
i'm big on birthdays and really make a huge deal out of them, so i understand the desire to want to celebrate but my birthday falls two days before christmas. it's rare for people to be free so sometimes i have to compromise and host parties on different days.
i know these may be premade plans but your fiancé's daughter should (rightly) take priority. it's shitty for you, but he's a father.
a compromise could be going out with your friends or celebrating at another friends house while he cares for his child and then you and your fiancé have belated celebrations together just the two of you?
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nta.
the entire schedule changes because a preteen girl has a spat with her mom and you opened your doors and seemingly had no complaints that your evenings and weekends at home are probably going to be changed for the next 6+ years. that is admirable.
there is no reason why she can't go to mom's or grandparents house over night.
as a step parent myself, i wouldn't be ok with the access schedule changing whenever the preteen (with preteen hormones) is upset with a parent. unless of course the child is actually going through be in harm by being with mom for her scheduled time, i wouldn't be adjusting it. kids don't run the house, the adults should.
if she were your bio daughter and you were all "mommy wants to get wastey pants on her brithday, you're going to grandma's" no one would blink an eye because you're a mom and you deserve to let loose every now and again and celebrate your birthday.
i know this is an unpopular opinion based on the other comments but for real. nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate your birthday with adults. thus isn't "what you signed up for" by dating a man with a child. you signed up for every other weekend and that changed outside of your control. one night at grandma's won't kill her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.048498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: next weekend it’s my birthday and we’d arranged to have a party here. my fiancé’s daughter is normally here every other weekend, but she’s had a falling out with her mom and is currently staying with us. i don’t particularly want her here at the weekend because we wanna get drunk and have fun and not worry about a 12 year old being here. i said to my fiancé can you ask her to stay at a friends or her grandparents at the weekend if she won’t go back to her moms yet. so he asked her and she’s being awkward and said she doesn’t want to. so i said to my fiancé well can you just force her to go to her grandparents then? and he was like, maybe we should just arrange to celebrate your birthday when she’s gone back to her moms...i was like no? so aita for not wanting her here and thinking she should have to stay somewhere else that night? so apparently i need to edit this because y’all wanna jump to conclusions and need to know every little detail. - yes there will be sex and other stuff going on at our party. so no, she cannot just chill in her room. - the reason she’s with us atm is because she was doing stuff online that she shouldn’t have been and her mom found out and went crazy, and they had a massive argument over it, she told her she hated her boyfriend too so she wanted to come live with us. my fiancé said she could stay for a while until everything calmed down a bit.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
next weekend it’s my birthday and we’d arranged to have a party here. my fiancé’s daughter is normally here every other weekend, but she’s had a falling out with her mom and is currently staying with us. i don’t particularly want her here at the weekend because we wanna get drunk and have fun and not worry about a 12 year old being here. i said to my fiancé can you ask her to stay at a friends or her grandparents at the weekend if she won’t go back to her moms yet. so he asked her and she’s being awkward and said she doesn’t want to. so i said to my fiancé well can you just force her to go to her grandparents then? and he was like, maybe we should just arrange to celebrate your birthday when she’s gone back to her moms...i was like no? so aita for not wanting her here and thinking she should have to stay somewhere else that night? so apparently i need to edit this because y’all wanna jump to conclusions and need to know every little detail. - yes there will be sex and other stuff going on at our party. so no, she cannot just chill in her room. - the reason she’s with us atm is because she was doing stuff online that she shouldn’t have been and her mom found out and went crazy, and they had a massive argument over it, she told her she hated her boyfriend too so she wanted to come live with us. my fiancé said she could stay for a while until everything calmed down a bit. [/INST] yta i'm sorry your fiance's child is such a massive inconvenience to you, but judging from your attitude towards her, i would imagine you and her have a wonderful relationship ahead of you. you are (i assume) a grown adult, and you're throwing a fit because you're not getting exactly what you want on your birthday. if anyone is being awkward it's you. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband I won't cook for him again if he chose to eat his coworker's meal over mine.
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hear me out.
my husband (jesse, 31) has been bringing home meals that his female coworker (nelly) cook for him. now i'm not the best cook and jesse's made it clear but he still eats what i cook everyday.
what i noticed with nelly was that she tends to take every opportunity to point out how weak and taseless my cooking is. jesse would say nothing except steer the conversation towards something else they both relate too while i'm sitting there wallowing in my misery thinking about what she said..(also she once asked what was another chore i was good at and jesse said ironing his suits, she in response joked about having him send her a suit of his so he could see how good she is at ironing *too*. i rolled my eyes hard but at least jesse agreed that was weird)
last week.....jesse came home with a new meal she cooked. i told him i already cooked dinner and asked what he was going to do with the meal. he told me he was going to eat it for dinner. ngl i was getting a bit irritated and he must've had noticed because he said he promised nelly he'd eat her for dinner, and that she asked him to take a pic of the "empty plate" later to confirm that he'd actually eaten it. i was baffled....like completely baffled at this. i told him one thing and one thing only, told him that if he chose to eat nelly's meal over the dinner i cooked then this would be the last time i cook for him. he started moaning about how i was being unfair and putting him in a rough place. he stalled and didn't give a clear answer til i saw him walk past me later when i set the table and prepared dinner. and put her meal in the microwave. i felt so awful, i almost cried. i then told him that from now on out i won't cook for him anymore since he made his choice. i obviously pissed him off because he went off on me calling me childish and pathetic to make this about my "ego". i got up from my chair and told him i owed him nothing and that he made his decision and so did i.
he snapped and said that this was ridiculos and that nelly......was just doing a nice thing for him whileas my behavior was disgraceful and *disgusting*.
he then went into the bedroom and i rushed after him but he shouted *"leave me the fuck alone"* then proceeded to shut the door and hasn't been speaking to me after that.
his mom knew about the argument and called begging me to be more patient and not make any decisions i might regret later. she agreed that nelly was overstepping and firmly believes she's the problem and so i shouldn't be hard on her son. but mil is incredibly biased, meaning in her eyes, her son is a saint who can do no wrong. so that's that.
i feel like i overreacted and really messed it up when i pushed him like that.
| 21,108 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/upg3aq/aita_for_telling_my_husband_i_wont_cook_for_him/
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2022-05-14 12:20:11
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nta but you and your husband need to have a serious talk about boundaries in your marriage. the issue isn't the food- it is his creating a relationship with another woman, and being willing to hurt you to continue that relationship. this isn't a healthy friendship, and he is not being respectful of your marriage.
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hohohoho wait. i’m guessing when you’re not around she’s telling him she’s better at sex too.
she is trying to steal your hubby and by the sounds of it he’s eating out of her hand. even your mil sees it.
if i were you i’d either have a very long and hard talk with him or just pack your things and go.
he’ll either have to go to marriage counseling with you, completely block nelly out from now on. or just admit he’d rather be with her. but now he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too.
nta. at all. hubby is. and nelly. but not you.
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nta. this is about more than just food. this is an emotional affair and a woman who tries to put you down at every turn.
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[deleted]
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this is super fucking weird and sounds like a full blown emotional affair right in front of your face.
nta.
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seriously?? you typed this till the end, read it and you still think you overreacted?? i got bad news for you, you are being gaslit. nta. nta
she’s trynna fuck your man and he’s gonna let her, literally nothing you can do coz he seems like an asshole
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she is pissing on your lawn and he is clapping on the side.
your husband has let his colleague entangle herself into your own home.
i only see heartbreak in the future.
leave, it’s not worth it.
nta
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your husband is more concerned with nelly’s feelings than your feelings 🚩
your mil agrees that nelly is overstepping but that you need to go easier on her son, your husband, while he encourages another woman’s inappropriate attention? 🚩
is your mil going to tell you to just get over it when you walk in and find nelly in bed with your husband? because that is where this little ‘im better than your wife’ game is heading.
nta and make sure you have some money set aside to protect yourself…
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nta.
>he started moaning about how i was being unfair and putting him in a rough place.
no, he's putting *himself* in a rough place. nelly's supposed to be his coworker, not his personal chef. the fact she's cooking meals at all for him is weird. the fact she's *demanding* he eat them, complete with confirmation text that oh-so-conveniently cuts into what should be *your* evening with him, is beyond inappropriate. and him trying to turn this around as *your* ego problem? either he needs to learn to tell nelly "no" and refocus their dynamic on work, or the two of you need to get to counseling post-haste to figure out why he's struggling with that so badly.
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“she once asked what was another chore i was good at…”
you should’ve said “finding my own man rather than aiming for the taken ones? not looking desperate for attention? respecting boundaries? you should try them sometime!”
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hear me out. my husband (jesse, 31) has been bringing home meals that his female coworker (nelly) cook for him. now i'm not the best cook and jesse's made it clear but he still eats what i cook everyday. what i noticed with nelly was that she tends to take every opportunity to point out how weak and taseless my cooking is. jesse would say nothing except steer the conversation towards something else they both relate too while i'm sitting there wallowing in my misery thinking about what she said..(also she once asked what was another chore i was good at and jesse said ironing his suits, she in response joked about having him send her a suit of his so he could see how good she is at ironing *too*. i rolled my eyes hard but at least jesse agreed that was weird) last week.....jesse came home with a new meal she cooked. i told him i already cooked dinner and asked what he was going to do with the meal. he told me he was going to eat it for dinner. ngl i was getting a bit irritated and he must've had noticed because he said he promised nelly he'd eat her for dinner, and that she asked him to take a pic of the "empty plate" later to confirm that he'd actually eaten it. i was baffled....like completely baffled at this. i told him one thing and one thing only, told him that if he chose to eat nelly's meal over the dinner i cooked then this would be the last time i cook for him. he started moaning about how i was being unfair and putting him in a rough place. he stalled and didn't give a clear answer til i saw him walk past me later when i set the table and prepared dinner. and put her meal in the microwave. i felt so awful, i almost cried. i then told him that from now on out i won't cook for him anymore since he made his choice. i obviously pissed him off because he went off on me calling me childish and pathetic to make this about my "ego". i got up from my chair and told him i owed him nothing and that he made his decision and so did i. he snapped and said that this was ridiculos and that nelly......was just doing a nice thing for him whileas my behavior was disgraceful and *disgusting*. he then went into the bedroom and i rushed after him but he shouted *"leave me the fuck alone"* then proceeded to shut the door and hasn't been speaking to me after that. his mom knew about the argument and called begging me to be more patient and not make any decisions i might regret later. she agreed that nelly was overstepping and firmly believes she's the problem and so i shouldn't be hard on her son. but mil is incredibly biased, meaning in her eyes, her son is a saint who can do no wrong. so that's that. i feel like i overreacted and really messed it up when i pushed him like that.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hear me out. my husband (jesse, 31) has been bringing home meals that his female coworker (nelly) cook for him. now i'm not the best cook and jesse's made it clear but he still eats what i cook everyday. what i noticed with nelly was that she tends to take every opportunity to point out how weak and taseless my cooking is. jesse would say nothing except steer the conversation towards something else they both relate too while i'm sitting there wallowing in my misery thinking about what she said..(also she once asked what was another chore i was good at and jesse said ironing his suits, she in response joked about having him send her a suit of his so he could see how good she is at ironing *too*. i rolled my eyes hard but at least jesse agreed that was weird) last week.....jesse came home with a new meal she cooked. i told him i already cooked dinner and asked what he was going to do with the meal. he told me he was going to eat it for dinner. ngl i was getting a bit irritated and he must've had noticed because he said he promised nelly he'd eat her for dinner, and that she asked him to take a pic of the "empty plate" later to confirm that he'd actually eaten it. i was baffled....like completely baffled at this. i told him one thing and one thing only, told him that if he chose to eat nelly's meal over the dinner i cooked then this would be the last time i cook for him. he started moaning about how i was being unfair and putting him in a rough place. he stalled and didn't give a clear answer til i saw him walk past me later when i set the table and prepared dinner. and put her meal in the microwave. i felt so awful, i almost cried. i then told him that from now on out i won't cook for him anymore since he made his choice. i obviously pissed him off because he went off on me calling me childish and pathetic to make this about my "ego". i got up from my chair and told him i owed him nothing and that he made his decision and so did i. he snapped and said that this was ridiculos and that nelly......was just doing a nice thing for him whileas my behavior was disgraceful and *disgusting*. he then went into the bedroom and i rushed after him but he shouted *"leave me the fuck alone"* then proceeded to shut the door and hasn't been speaking to me after that. his mom knew about the argument and called begging me to be more patient and not make any decisions i might regret later. she agreed that nelly was overstepping and firmly believes she's the problem and so i shouldn't be hard on her son. but mil is incredibly biased, meaning in her eyes, her son is a saint who can do no wrong. so that's that. i feel like i overreacted and really messed it up when i pushed him like that. [/INST] nta but you and your husband need to have a serious talk about boundaries in your marriage. the issue isn't the food- it is his creating a relationship with another woman, and being willing to hurt you to continue that relationship. this isn't a healthy friendship, and he is not being respectful of your marriage. </s>
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AITA for refusing to go with my 16yo/Daughter to her father's funeral?
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my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it.
she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused.
he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do.
edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son**
| 13,122 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/szq7m7/aita_for_refusing_to_go_with_my_16yodaughter_to/
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2022-02-23 19:51:17
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yta. that’s your 16 year old daughter and you’re just not willing to support her doing the hardest thing she will ever do? you’re not a mum. you just gave birth to her.
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yta, i understand that it will be hard for you, but it's harder for her. her dad is dead and she needs her mother. step up.
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yta. *this is not about you*!! this is about your daughter, who wants your support at her other parent's *funeral*. what other moments will you miss because you refuse to be in the same place as her paternal fault? graduation? her wedding? how many times in her 16 years have you forced her to choose between you? get over yourself and go to the damn funeral.
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[removed]
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>i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain
you told your daughter that her need for guidance and support during this tough time is less important than your own comfort, so no wonder she's pissed at you. better she deal with the death of her father on her own than you having to have an awkward conversation with former in-laws, i guess.
yta
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yta. part of being a parent is being uncomfortable so your children can be comfortable.
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info— what kind of illness did he have, and did you divorce *because* he was ill? why? is it more shame that you’re avoiding by not facing his family? because if so, that’s selfish. what you could do to avoid a scene with your ex-in-laws is reach out to them (maybe the young uncle, or whoever you’re on best terms with), give your condolences, explain that your daughter is begging you to go to the funeral to support her, and ask if it’s alright with them to attend to pay your respects and be there for their daughter. throw in a helping hand, even, if you can manage it. it sounds like you have a lot of unresolved grief and guilt about this but being there for your daughter is more important. i’d highly recommend therapy for both of you, it sounds like a lot to process.
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look, let's be honest here. your ex-inlaws aren't going to notice that you're there.
take your daughter, get her to sit up the front, and you sit down the back, out of the way. his funeral is not about you. it's about her. grow up and be a mother.
yta.
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here is the only question that matters. do you love your daughter more than you hate your ex and in-laws?
reevaluate your life choices, love your daughter, and go.
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<<i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it.>>
<<i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do.>>
your daughter's father has died and all you can think about is "me! me! me!" you are an asshole beyond measure. you don't deserve to have a child.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it. she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused. he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do. edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex husband (my daughter's father) passed away 2 days ago at the age of (36). my 16 year old daughter begged that i go with her to the funeral because she said she doesn't know anyone there and needs my support and guidence. i refused because i did not feel comfortable and then seeing my former inlaws..it's just not worth the pain, plus that her grandparents and her younger uncle that she adores so much will be there so that is good enough. i also offered to have my brother drive her there and return her home later, but she refused and kept begging that i go with her. i told her no and that i have my reasons and that's it. she unloaded on me yesterday calling me bitter and selfish, and said that my hatred for her dad is still there and is disgusting. i was really hurt i had an argument with her but didn't punish her for what she called me because, she's grieving and is processing her father's passing. i just cut the argument and told her to go upstairs. she went inside her room and refused to come out for lunch and dinner. my boyfriend tried to stay with her and get her to eat but she refused. he told me later that this is obviously something my daughter is not dealing with properly and suggested i just go to the funeral because if i don't then there will be lasting resentment from my daughter. i went to bed but couldn't sleep over this. i feel like just because she wants this doesn't mean i just go with it. i never push her to do anything she doesn't wanna do. edit **just a minute for those who are suspecting that there's a girlfriend there that i don't want to see - no, nothing like that. my ex husband never dated after me because he was dealing with multiple chronic conditions, which is the main reason for our separation. my daughter never wanted us to divorce and she blamed me when the court granted me custody because her dad was not able to care for her. i don't hate my ex husband, he's my daughter's father and losing him is devastating for me, that is why i wanted to grief in peace. as for my inlaws, they resent me for initiating divorce in the first place and accused me of abandoning their son** [/INST] yta. that’s your 16 year old daughter and you’re just not willing to support her doing the hardest thing she will ever do? you’re not a mum. you just gave birth to her. </s>
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AITA for not letting her boyfriend sleepover
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on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit.
my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us.
so aita?
| 7,981 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybdcg4/aita_for_not_letting_her_boyfriend_sleepover/
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2022-10-23 09:37:24
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yta. while yes your house your rules, rules should also be reasonable. yours are not. we have 2022 not 1822. face reality. they already do the horizontal tango and probably have for some years.
in my opinion the only reason why that should make really you uncomfortable is if your walls were paper thin.
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just let her move out. you have boundaries, she no longer wants to live by those boundaries so has suggested (not threatened) to move in with him. it seems like she was trying to compromise, and has clearly been following these rules for the past 3 years. you want her to live with you, and (it seems) want to see more of her. she is offering you the chance to change the house rules to keep her living there, and to have her stay more often. you have the right to say no to that deal, but you cannot be mad when she chooses to move out because of it. you don't want her to compromise, you want her to follow your rules and stay. a compromise involves each side making concessions, what concessions have you proposed?
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yta.
and from my perspective you can only choose between treating her like an adult or suffer the consequence of her moving in with him.
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yta why are you so interested in your adult child's sex life?
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yta. you say you really want her living at your house but your actions will make her move out with him and potentially distance herself emotionally from you. so it depends what you want more.
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yta
&#x200b;
so she will move in with him, and you will not see her much any more.
&#x200b;
"we have a pretty good relationship " .. no, you don't.
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yta. you cant preach how much you want her to live with yall, then lay down a rule that you know makes her not want to live there.
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i was your daughter. my dad would never let boyfriends sleep over even after we lived together for years. guess whose house i barely visited and grew apart from as i got older? my parents. i loved them but if i can’t be comfortable and welcomed into your home in an adult relationship then i’m not going to visit very often. i eventually married my now husband but it was already too late. we didn’t feel comfortable at my parents’ house. i’m not saying your daughter is going to stop talking to you or even stop loving you but these are the things that slowly creep into the relationship with her that let her know that you don’t respect her as an adult and make her distance herself. the fact that you’re so preoccupied with her sex life makes her feel gross too, you know.
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nta/yta : it's your house so what goes on in it is up to you. however it's troubling that you say "we let her do what she wants". she's an adult and entitled to make her decisions with what she does with her life. you don't have to answer to anyone regarding what decisions you make about who comes in and out of your home, but it sounds like you need to accept that you don't have the right to control your daughters life choices.
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info: why won't you answer anyone specifically asking you why you have this rule/dislike? and "we dont agree with it" is not a valid reason and doesn't explain why.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.097871 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit. my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile and throwaway because my daughter uses reddit. my 50m daughter f20 is in college and stays at her m21 boyfriends a lot which me and my wife do not like very much. we let her do what she wants nonetheless. she pays for her own tuition and works plus pays for all of her own things minus we pay for rent, we have a room for her and she does live with us. she asked if her boyfriend could come sleepover too so that she could feel more comfortable staying at home more often. we said absolutely not. she was upset because she said it was her own room and that she has been dating him almost 3 years. we just will not allow it under our roof and she threatened to move in with him. we really want her to continue living here but do not want them sleeping together under our roof (we do not like it with her there either but she is an adult). we have a pretty good relationship so this has been hard for us. so aita? [/INST] yta. while yes your house your rules, rules should also be reasonable. yours are not. we have 2022 not 1822. face reality. they already do the horizontal tango and probably have for some years. in my opinion the only reason why that should make really you uncomfortable is if your walls were paper thin. </s>
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AITA for starting a business in direct competition with my father's and making him lose clients?
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so i have a father who left our family to start a new one with our neighbor when i was 13. i never fully forgave him even thought he tried (and still does) to make it up to me.
growing up, he would pay me to work with him in his company. it's pretty advanced construction finishing stuff (like custom molding for many different uses).
i worked with him on and off through college and i've gotten very good at it.
he asked me to join his company full time as an equal owner after i graduated. but my stepmom had a fit and basically forced my stepbrother into the mix as well.
i do not get along with my stepbrother and told my father that it's either him or me. he also did not have the right skills to work in a major capacity.
to no one's surprise, my father said i needed to compromise so everyone in the family can be happy.
i refused to compromise and went ahead and set up my own company. my father was upset but i guess he figured he couldn't stop me. we continued having weekly dinners.
for some reason, people are liking my company's work more. i have expanded my company more than my father ever has. i also targetted his major clients who have slowly come over to my company. i don't even do any of the labor myself anymore unless i want to.
last week, my father broke down and said his business was struggling to survive. i admit i did feel bad so i offered him a full time job in my company and that i'd buy out his tools and workshop lease. but i told him my stepmother and stepbrother are not welcome anywhere near my company.
this made my father pretty angry and we had a pretty big fight. he said i betrayed him. then i basically told him he betrayed me by cheating on my mother.
i do feel kind of guilty i ruined my father's company he worked hard to build. but at the same time he forced me into this position by getting his family involved.
aita?
| 18,111 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcdv02/aita_for_starting_a_business_in_direct/
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2019-10-02 18:00:37
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nta. this is how it works with competing businesses whether you’re family or not. plus, if your father chose his family over you, then you have no obligation to choose them over yourself. it takes a big man to offer him a job in the first place. hopefully you guys can work it out.
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>i also targetted his major clients who have slowly come over to my company.
>then i basically told him he betrayed me by cheating on my mother.
yta. nice revenge, i suppose, but let's be clear that you're doing this because you want to hurt your dad because he hurt you.
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i dont know what is wrong with this sub... yta big time.
you may have ruined your fathers live forever, because you didnt get what you wanted.
opening a competitor business is one thing, but targeting his major clients, which you knew were his, is the worst you could have done.
if you own your own successfull company, i expect you to be an grown up adult. just because he left your family you have the gall to throw him under the bus, what, 20?, 30? years later?
he did his best to be a part of your life. he teached you, took you under his wings, and you repay him by ruining his life. you honestly are disgusting.
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yta
your dad's cheating/leaving (clearly the a-hole) and trying to give equal opportunities to his two sons (no a-holes there) are separate issues. if your dad was some pos, i would say it was all justified, but that's not the kind of man you've described here.
you're not the a-hole for starting your own company, being really good at what you do, or for making your dad an offer. but you are the a-hole for targeting his bigger clients and for casting yourself as a victim "forced into this position." you could have sat back and let your father's work dry up on its own. but that wasn't enough. you were ruthless. so, you win. i guess.
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man, i was in solidly not the asshole territory until i got here...
>i also targetted his major clients who have slowly come over to my company.
if you just put out a shingle and people came to you and you built up a solid referral business, hey, free market.
you actively tried to tank his business. now, maybe he deserves it. but it was still an asshole move.
yta
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[deleted]
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esh. i'm genuinely surprised by all the people in this thread who only think you or your dad sucks, but you're both clearly acting out of self-interest with little to no regard for how your actions affect others.
yes, your dad is a shit dad for abandoning a wife and child for a piece of ass. yes, he's an asshole for basically saying you need to give up what you want so he doesn't have to hear said piece and her kid whine about it. but from your own admission, you deliberately undercut his business by poaching key clientele, which is such a staggeringly petty response to dad's behavior that it brings you down to his level.
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[deleted]
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esh - so you learned the ins-and-outs of the business from your dad, then started a direct competitor to his business, specifically targeted his largest clients, and then tried to be the better guy by offering him a job working for you with stipulations.? i’d put money on the assumption that you took advantage of knowing his pricing to undercut all of his bids.
the apple didn’t fall far from the tree it seems, you’re an asshole op.
obviously your dad is an asshole too for his decisions regarding his families, so i won’t address that further.
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good movie script, not really original but amusing enough for an esh vote.
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
| 0.372498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have a father who left our family to start a new one with our neighbor when i was 13. i never fully forgave him even thought he tried (and still does) to make it up to me. growing up, he would pay me to work with him in his company. it's pretty advanced construction finishing stuff (like custom molding for many different uses). i worked with him on and off through college and i've gotten very good at it. he asked me to join his company full time as an equal owner after i graduated. but my stepmom had a fit and basically forced my stepbrother into the mix as well. i do not get along with my stepbrother and told my father that it's either him or me. he also did not have the right skills to work in a major capacity. to no one's surprise, my father said i needed to compromise so everyone in the family can be happy. i refused to compromise and went ahead and set up my own company. my father was upset but i guess he figured he couldn't stop me. we continued having weekly dinners. for some reason, people are liking my company's work more. i have expanded my company more than my father ever has. i also targetted his major clients who have slowly come over to my company. i don't even do any of the labor myself anymore unless i want to. last week, my father broke down and said his business was struggling to survive. i admit i did feel bad so i offered him a full time job in my company and that i'd buy out his tools and workshop lease. but i told him my stepmother and stepbrother are not welcome anywhere near my company. this made my father pretty angry and we had a pretty big fight. he said i betrayed him. then i basically told him he betrayed me by cheating on my mother. i do feel kind of guilty i ruined my father's company he worked hard to build. but at the same time he forced me into this position by getting his family involved. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have a father who left our family to start a new one with our neighbor when i was 13. i never fully forgave him even thought he tried (and still does) to make it up to me. growing up, he would pay me to work with him in his company. it's pretty advanced construction finishing stuff (like custom molding for many different uses). i worked with him on and off through college and i've gotten very good at it. he asked me to join his company full time as an equal owner after i graduated. but my stepmom had a fit and basically forced my stepbrother into the mix as well. i do not get along with my stepbrother and told my father that it's either him or me. he also did not have the right skills to work in a major capacity. to no one's surprise, my father said i needed to compromise so everyone in the family can be happy. i refused to compromise and went ahead and set up my own company. my father was upset but i guess he figured he couldn't stop me. we continued having weekly dinners. for some reason, people are liking my company's work more. i have expanded my company more than my father ever has. i also targetted his major clients who have slowly come over to my company. i don't even do any of the labor myself anymore unless i want to. last week, my father broke down and said his business was struggling to survive. i admit i did feel bad so i offered him a full time job in my company and that i'd buy out his tools and workshop lease. but i told him my stepmother and stepbrother are not welcome anywhere near my company. this made my father pretty angry and we had a pretty big fight. he said i betrayed him. then i basically told him he betrayed me by cheating on my mother. i do feel kind of guilty i ruined my father's company he worked hard to build. but at the same time he forced me into this position by getting his family involved. aita? [/INST] nta. this is how it works with competing businesses whether you’re family or not. plus, if your father chose his family over you, then you have no obligation to choose them over yourself. it takes a big man to offer him a job in the first place. hopefully you guys can work it out. </s>
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AITA for getting mad over what my daughter chose after she humiliated me and uninvited me from her engagement dinner party?
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hi! (not from the us/uk.)
my daughter (30f) is a successful engineer. she cut contact with me the minute she turned 18 and only began talking two years ago. this has obviously hurt me a lot and made a lot of my family members disappointed in her. now a days, whenever i have to talk to her i've to tiptoe around her and not comment on her dresses or makeup or career or lifestyle otherwise she simply reminds that she can and will stop talking to me, the only reason why started being her father's death. i only commented on those things during her teen years because she had a lot of potential and i didn't want it go waste. i wasn't harsh at all, like she claims.
recently, she got engaged to her boyfriend(31m) of 8 years and decided to throw a dinner party to her near and dear ones at their own house. she let me invite a couple of my relations (she told me around 5-6 people only) but since i've lot of people i'd like to share this milestone with i did go a little overboard in inviting (10-13). this clearly was an issue, apparently, because the restaurant in their apartment and the poolside allow only 18-20 people max at such events and my relatives were majority of them, leaving no room for their friends or boyfriend's family.
she sat down and made me uninvite everyone instead of giving a simple excuse as to why they couldn't come and this experience was very humiliating for me. i told her that she was being rude and she told me that she'd specified how many people form my side were allowed and that she was 'very generous' that she even let 'such' people to share something joyous with her. after this, she told me not to come to the party and told me to stop ignoring her 'instructions'. i feel disrespected that someone younger made me lose face and acted as if i didn't know how all these places worked. they would've accommodated, worst case.
aita?
| 7,058 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tem5s2/aita_for_getting_mad_over_what_my_daughter_chose/
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2022-03-15 10:46:12
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yta. she stopped talking to you for a reason.
to be completely honest, you sound narcissistic. the whole post is about how she’s “disrespecting” you, but it’s totally obvious that you are disrespecting her.
she gave you a set number of people and you just didn’t follow that. then told her she was rude because you had to tell your friends they couldn’t come. if you invited the number of people she told you to, you wouldn’t have had to do that. you shot yourself in the foot and are acting like it was your daughter that did it.
you have to take a look at yourself and grow up.
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wow. i wouldn't be talking to you either, if i was her.
yta
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hoo boy, yep. yta. there’s two sides to every story, sure. but she gave you simple instructions, and you ignored them just because you wanted to.
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are you new to planet earth? it’s basic courtesy not to invite a bunch of extra people without telling the host, and despite their instructions.
it’s especially funny because you complain that your daughter “acted like i don’t know how these places work“ but that’s exactly what you did. you *doubled* the number of people she said you could bring along, and then somehow acted shocked when there wasn’t enough room.
yta.
by the way: it’s painfully clear from your first paragraph that you actually were “harsh“ in your criticisms when she was a teen. she didn’t go no-contact with you for nothing.
it’s time you did some deep reflection and soul-searching about your relationship with your daughter and how it got this way.
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[removed]
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yta - you really had to ask? got to be fake as nobody can be that dumb!
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a) what's the real reason she cut contact and b) what culture are you from?
pretty obvious your the ah here. you don't get to bring twice as many people as permitted to someone else's function then pretend you've been mistreated when you have to uninvited them. but the way you speak makes me think there may be a cultural element here i could be missing
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*after reading the first two sentences*
“…..ok but why did she cut contact with you? i feel like that’s an important factor?”
*after finishing the post*
“ah ok, i understand now”
needless to say, yta
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yta
she gave pretty fucking clear instructions. you didn't heed them. i mean, what the hell else is there to say? you're a grown adult. i could probably sense why she wanted to cut contact with you. you come across as the type that is just too self-absorbed and doesn't learn.
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yta.
>i feel disrespected
you? *you* feel disrespected?
you've clearly been disrespecting your daughter since her teen years. you made unnecessary comments on her appearance and obviously did a whole lot more to make her cut contact with you. you clearly didn't learn you lesson since you couldn't do something as simple as being grateful and *respecting* the fact that your daughter specifically said there was only room for a maximum of 6 people from your side.
all you are doing is reminding her exactly why she went no contact in the first place. keep doing what you're doing if you want to lose your daughter forever.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi! (not from the us/uk.) my daughter (30f) is a successful engineer. she cut contact with me the minute she turned 18 and only began talking two years ago. this has obviously hurt me a lot and made a lot of my family members disappointed in her. now a days, whenever i have to talk to her i've to tiptoe around her and not comment on her dresses or makeup or career or lifestyle otherwise she simply reminds that she can and will stop talking to me, the only reason why started being her father's death. i only commented on those things during her teen years because she had a lot of potential and i didn't want it go waste. i wasn't harsh at all, like she claims. recently, she got engaged to her boyfriend(31m) of 8 years and decided to throw a dinner party to her near and dear ones at their own house. she let me invite a couple of my relations (she told me around 5-6 people only) but since i've lot of people i'd like to share this milestone with i did go a little overboard in inviting (10-13). this clearly was an issue, apparently, because the restaurant in their apartment and the poolside allow only 18-20 people max at such events and my relatives were majority of them, leaving no room for their friends or boyfriend's family. she sat down and made me uninvite everyone instead of giving a simple excuse as to why they couldn't come and this experience was very humiliating for me. i told her that she was being rude and she told me that she'd specified how many people form my side were allowed and that she was 'very generous' that she even let 'such' people to share something joyous with her. after this, she told me not to come to the party and told me to stop ignoring her 'instructions'. i feel disrespected that someone younger made me lose face and acted as if i didn't know how all these places worked. they would've accommodated, worst case. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi! (not from the us/uk.) my daughter (30f) is a successful engineer. she cut contact with me the minute she turned 18 and only began talking two years ago. this has obviously hurt me a lot and made a lot of my family members disappointed in her. now a days, whenever i have to talk to her i've to tiptoe around her and not comment on her dresses or makeup or career or lifestyle otherwise she simply reminds that she can and will stop talking to me, the only reason why started being her father's death. i only commented on those things during her teen years because she had a lot of potential and i didn't want it go waste. i wasn't harsh at all, like she claims. recently, she got engaged to her boyfriend(31m) of 8 years and decided to throw a dinner party to her near and dear ones at their own house. she let me invite a couple of my relations (she told me around 5-6 people only) but since i've lot of people i'd like to share this milestone with i did go a little overboard in inviting (10-13). this clearly was an issue, apparently, because the restaurant in their apartment and the poolside allow only 18-20 people max at such events and my relatives were majority of them, leaving no room for their friends or boyfriend's family. she sat down and made me uninvite everyone instead of giving a simple excuse as to why they couldn't come and this experience was very humiliating for me. i told her that she was being rude and she told me that she'd specified how many people form my side were allowed and that she was 'very generous' that she even let 'such' people to share something joyous with her. after this, she told me not to come to the party and told me to stop ignoring her 'instructions'. i feel disrespected that someone younger made me lose face and acted as if i didn't know how all these places worked. they would've accommodated, worst case. aita? [/INST] yta. she stopped talking to you for a reason. to be completely honest, you sound narcissistic. the whole post is about how she’s “disrespecting” you, but it’s totally obvious that you are disrespecting her. she gave you a set number of people and you just didn’t follow that. then told her she was rude because you had to tell your friends they couldn’t come. if you invited the number of people she told you to, you wouldn’t have had to do that. you shot yourself in the foot and are acting like it was your daughter that did it. you have to take a look at yourself and grow up. </s>
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AITA for being grossed out by my girlfriend rarely washing her hair and not brushing it?
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since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice.
however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day.
on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it.
aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately.
| 9,117 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6u0ng/aita_for_being_grossed_out_by_my_girlfriend/
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2020-10-07 16:27:12
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yta.
this isn't uncommon behaviour at all. girls with curly/wavy hair (myself included) usually don't brush it while dry because of how puffy/frizzy it gets, and going 3-4 days without washing isn't "rarely washing". it's normal. hair produces it's own oils and washing too frequently breaks them down, and that's what causes hair to become greasy.
your girlfriend is proud of her hair and is trying a new routine that is clearly working for her, so why make her feel bad about it?
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>i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair.
she is taking basic care of her hair. it's good for hair, especially curly hair, to not be washed every day. she's following a tried and true method to best take care of the type if hair that she has.
the problem here is that you are uneducated on the issue and have been brought up to erroneously believe that washing your hair every day is standard basic hygiene everyone must follow.
i'm gonna go with yta because you're calling her gross before you even tried to learn why she's doing what she's doing.
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yta. that’s what the curly girl method is. brushing ruins curls, i finger brush mine in the shower and i wash when needed (1-3 days). as long as her hair isn’t oily or smelly it’s none of your business. let her embrace her curls. cgm is a journey and extremely worth it.
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yta. daily shampooing is actually very unhealthy and causes a lot of damage to the hair. especially to curly/wavy hair. if you brush it it’s frizz galore (think monica in the barbados episode).
you know nothing about caring for women’s hair so you really don’t get an opinion. unless it’s smelling or letting it go without a wash for weeks to the point it’s greasy then yta.
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> since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice.
that's all you had to say. yta for thinking that you know more about her hair then the person growing it on her head. it looks nice.
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yta, literally google could’ve told you this before you tried to make it an issue with your gf. there is nothing dirty about her hair care routine, especially not brushing it.
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yta. that’s how curly hair works. it’s hard to manage and curly hair is best brushed when it’s wet. leave her alone. hair product isn’t *the only reason it’s not smelling*, it’s not smelling because treating your hair like that is normal. stop being such a prick to her. it’s just hair.
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yta you know nothing about hair clearly especially curly/wavy hair. with any hair you shouldn't wash it every day or really every other day 1-2 times a week is the best for your hair. and brushing out curly/wavy hair is a big no no.
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yta.
you didn’t notice she wasn’t washing her hair every day until she told you, so clearly it was not actually gross until you decided it was based on your own feelings and not facts. you say her hair looks nice but get upset because she doesn’t use a brush. if it looks nice, not brushing clearly isn’t a problem. again, you didn’t even notice and only got upset when told she doesn’t use a brush.
curly hair does better when it’s washed less often and doesn’t have a brush rub through it. that doesn’t mean curly girls let it get tangled, it means we use other methods.
instead of being upset by something you didn’t even notice, maybe take some time to learn about why she’s changed the way she manages her hair. ultimately, it’s her hair and you have no say in any of it, but maybe if you learn about the reasons behind it, you won’t be so freaked out.
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same, i just messy bun it. completely transformed my greasy hair.
my husband had the same reaction and i was like "but did you notice?"... "no😳"...🤦
i go about 10-12 days unless i have somewhere special to be. and lets face it right now...there is no where special to be 🥺
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice. however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day. on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it. aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
since quarantine started my gf has gotten very into a new hair routine. i guess one of her friends was trying it and she wanted to see if it would work for her hair (it's wavy/curly). since starting it, her hair is definitely way more curly and it does look nice. however as we were talking about it she mentioned that she only washes her hair every 3-4 days and i tried not to say anything but i definitely had a shocked look on my face so when she asked what was wrong i said i thought that was unhygenic. she said it's healtier for it and said it's not a big deal because "it's not like her hair smells or anything" which of course it's not going to smell bad when you're loading it up with a bunch of hair products every day. on top of this i realized yesterday she doesn't even brush her hair anymore. she was cooking and i came up and rubbed her back a bit and my fingers ran through her hair a bit, she said "ow" and pulled back a bit and asked if i'd please be careful since it hurts when her hair is tugged on like that. i said sure, fine, don't want to cause her pain but i was also like "what do you do when you need to brush it then?" and she said she never brushes it, only uses a comb in the shower when her hair is wet. meaning she only ever combs through it every 3-4 days. i was like "what, are you trying to grow dreads??" to which she just said "that wouldn't even happen, i'm white" which wasn't even my point but whatever. she was like "what is wrong?" and i said i just found it gross that she doesn't take basic care of her hair. she just laughed and said i didn't know what i was talking about so to not be a dick about it. aita? i don't think it's that ridiculous to be put off by someone not practicing regular hygeine but she is very proud of her hair lately. [/INST] yta. this isn't uncommon behaviour at all. girls with curly/wavy hair (myself included) usually don't brush it while dry because of how puffy/frizzy it gets, and going 3-4 days without washing isn't "rarely washing". it's normal. hair produces it's own oils and washing too frequently breaks them down, and that's what causes hair to become greasy. your girlfriend is proud of her hair and is trying a new routine that is clearly working for her, so why make her feel bad about it? </s>
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AITA for ruining my wife's work and eating the food before she could take pictures of it?
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my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it.
i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat.
she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit.
when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off.
today she has gone complete radio silence. aita?
| 21,416 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/spgbvp/aita_for_ruining_my_wifes_work_and_eating_the/
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2022-02-10 20:33:10
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yta, what the actual fuck. sounds like this is her job or at minimum an important hobby. keep a lunchable and a juice box in the fridge for when you need to act like a child.
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yta
dude she worked hard on it and you couldn’t wait a few minutes while she took pictures. if you can’t stand the wait then make your own food.
you *did* do it to sabotage her since you knew that she hadn’t taken any photos yet.
apologize to your wife.
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[removed]
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yta
if you're so annoyed by this, you have 2 options
1) cook for yourself
2) sit down and have an adult conversation about this with your wife. what you did was childish.
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yta. the fact that you said so yourself that you purposely destroyed her work that she made an effort for, for hours, mind you, you even went far by eating every single one. just because you can't wait for another 10 minutes?
want to eat as soon as you like? then cook your own food. god, how hard must it be to cook a meal or just make a fucking sandwich. i'll say this again for the people at the back. you are not entitled to make your wife your own chef or maid. this is her "work", and technically, you're just a freeloader for her "work". you just get to eat because she "works".
cook your own damn meal.
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yta.
let’s break this down:
1) this is her job. she’s not making this food and making you wait to take pictures for funsies. she spent hours planning this, preparing this, and was ready to finish and you came home to ruin her work? how would you feel if she went to your workplace and destroyed a project because she was “annoyed” she had to wait a mere ten minutes?
2) your lack of respect for wife is appalling. this is your wife. this is her job. you’re making fun of her a getting annoyed because she wants to contribute to the family income?
3) if this is a pattern — her preparing food and requesting you wait so she can photograph it — eat a snack and be patient. stop acting shocked that she’s going to do this. if you’re “starving” then get some fruit snacks and a juice box and wait for her to finish. act like a toddler, snack like a toddler. better yet, cook your own damn food!
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bud.
do you really need to ask?
you took something she loves to do, something she is proud of, something that brings her joy, and you told her you didn't care about it. i don't doubt that she spent hours if not the entire day preparing that. you sound like an enormous asshole, i feel so sorry for her. you should be supporting her hobbies and interests, and if she has enough followers on instagram, she could eventually be making much more than you do, if she isn't already.
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yta
she runs a website dedicated to food and that involves food photography. imagine working on a painting for 6 hours and someone ripping it in half - that's what you did.
you come off as an impatient, petulant child here. go to the fridge, grab a string cheese, and grow up
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you couldn’t wait ten minutes to eat?? eat the food she made for her work? personal project info here because if this is her job holy forking sporks dude.
you are unbelievably the asshole. drink a glass of water, have a cracker, or make your damn meal. but first go apologize to your wife. and help her remake her food.
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how is this even a question? of course yta. you know yta. she put hours worth of work into setting that up and you acted like a toddler and messed it up because you couldn't be patient. if you're soooo hungry that you can't wait for a few pictures then go get mcdonald's. grow up!
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it. i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat. she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit. when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off. today she has gone complete radio silence. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife runs a website dedicated for cooking and recipes. she takes pictures of food before we eat wether it's lunch or dinner and post them on her insta account. to be honest, i'm annoyed by having to wait so long for her to "get the perfeft shot" of the food after decorating it, adding this fork and removing that salad dish. it just takes so long and i lose my appetite from just waiting til she's done. this has become the norm but yesterday, i decided i was having none of it. i came to found that she has cooked an entire feast as her "next cooking project" and put it on the table. note that by lokking at the whole table setting, i figured pictures had already been taken, right? but no, she said she was going to take few pictures and i had to wait. she went upstairs to get her camera that's when i grabbed the spoon and started filling my plate from every dish she's made and "ruining" the look as a result. i was hungry and unwilling to wait around for 10+ to eat. she came downstairs, saw the "damage" and blew up almost crying saying i just ruined her cooking project that she worked hours for as well as putting efforts into. i said i was hungry and couldn't wait but she kept yelling how much of an obnoxious jerk i was for not waiting til dhe took pictures of the dishes she made, even said that this was an attempt of me to "sabotage" her success. i said "oh please enough with those conspiracy theories, i'm just hungry and couldn't wait til she got the perfect shot". we had a big argument and shewent upstairs crying. i finished my food then went out to cool off a bit. when i returned she'd threatened that she'll never have me eat anything she cooks and said she'd rather throw it in the garbage then give it to a ungrateful, obnoxious jerk like me. i said this wasn't cool but she told me to go fuck myself. i said fine then went to spend the night in the guests room. she texted me the word "jerk" about 15 times til i turned my phone off. today she has gone complete radio silence. aita? [/INST] yta, what the actual fuck. sounds like this is her job or at minimum an important hobby. keep a lunchable and a juice box in the fridge for when you need to act like a child. </s>
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AITA for refusing to be in the delivery room when my wife delivers?
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i know the title sounds bad , but it is not what it is.
i(30) have been married to my wife(29) for 3 years . she got pregnant in january this year and i was overjoyed . but one day she struck with the bombshell that the child wasn't mine . i was shattered . by then she was 6 months into the pregnancy and i did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce . it seemed that the baby's father ran for it when he heard my wife was pregnant . i did tell her that i would be filling for divorce once she gives birth to baby and made it clear that our relationship wasn't salvageable . she agreed and i told her she'd have to move out once the lease expires in january . she tells me that she is still in love with me and that our relationship could be healed once again . i told her no and she left it at that. we have been sleeping in separate room ever since and i help with her delivery related treatment and visits to the hospital. now again a few days back she asks me to be with her in the delivery room once she delivers as she wants me to be a support for her .i once again declined and told her that she could ask her mother to be in the room to take care of her and not to ask me to be with her in the delivery room . she went on to tell this to her parents and they have been messaging and calling me trying to change my mind and even went on to call me cruel. aita for refusing to be in the delivery room?
| 18,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4zo1q/aita_for_refusing_to_be_in_the_delivery_room_when/
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2020-10-04 14:20:43
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nta. please get a lawyer in case you are in a jurisdiction that automatically assumes paternity of a child born within a marriage so that you can ensure you are not fighting an uphill battle to not be legally responsible for a child that is not yours. even if you don't change the living situation, make sure you are protected.
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nta. her parents and your wife are hoping that you bond with this baby even though it’s not yours and thus won’t divorce her. it’s a manipulation tactic.
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nta
since divorce is on the to-do list i would say it’s appropriate for you to stop going to these appointments as well. if you don’t want to be involved with this child or rebuild your marriage then you have to remove yourself from that situation. otherwise you may be on the hook for additional support/child support for a child that isn’t yours. they will argue that you showed an interest and provided emotional support.
did you get a dna test done, or is the assumption the child isn’t yours based on your wife cheating?
if you have dna proof the child isn’t yours you should be taking concrete steps to separate yourself from the situation. since she’ll have an additional mouth to feed i would argue that you should offer to leave the apartment to her. that will give you the opportunity to try and recover and move on in a new space that holds no reminders of her or her betrayal.
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nta. its not your child and you dont have to be there end of really. my cousin spent thousands of pounds and watched his son be born to find out in the end wasnt even his. glad that didnt happen to you but still sorry this is happening for you. be there for yourself and do whats right for you! take care!
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nta - nope. also do the parents realize its not your kid coming out?
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nta - speak to a family law attorney immediately. you will likely be the legal presumptive father of the child because you are still married and may have limited time to disclaim that before you end up on the hook for the child.
and of course you have no moral obligation to support her through a pregnancy when you’re not the father
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nta, but i'm puzzled about why you "did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce" when you found out you weren't the father, but you're happy to do so "once she gives birth to baby." it's going to be even harder to throw her out when she's recuperating and trying to take care of a newborn baby. i'm not saying it's in any way your problem, i'm just warning you that she may be with you longer than you've planned for.
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nta. did she also tell her parents that it’s not your kid and they’ll you’ll be divorced shortly? you’re doing the right thing, she might be hoping that once you see the baby that everything will magically be healed and you’ll be it’s father or that she can convince you to accept the child as you own to stick with child support.
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nta also get a lawyer asap there are some places where the automatic assumption is husband = father and you could end up owing child support for this kid.
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nta, but you might want to consider rushing that divorce along. in some states, any child born to a married couple is presumed to be a product of the marriage, meaning you’ll be on the hook for child support.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds bad , but it is not what it is. i(30) have been married to my wife(29) for 3 years . she got pregnant in january this year and i was overjoyed . but one day she struck with the bombshell that the child wasn't mine . i was shattered . by then she was 6 months into the pregnancy and i did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce . it seemed that the baby's father ran for it when he heard my wife was pregnant . i did tell her that i would be filling for divorce once she gives birth to baby and made it clear that our relationship wasn't salvageable . she agreed and i told her she'd have to move out once the lease expires in january . she tells me that she is still in love with me and that our relationship could be healed once again . i told her no and she left it at that. we have been sleeping in separate room ever since and i help with her delivery related treatment and visits to the hospital. now again a few days back she asks me to be with her in the delivery room once she delivers as she wants me to be a support for her .i once again declined and told her that she could ask her mother to be in the room to take care of her and not to ask me to be with her in the delivery room . she went on to tell this to her parents and they have been messaging and calling me trying to change my mind and even went on to call me cruel. aita for refusing to be in the delivery room?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds bad , but it is not what it is. i(30) have been married to my wife(29) for 3 years . she got pregnant in january this year and i was overjoyed . but one day she struck with the bombshell that the child wasn't mine . i was shattered . by then she was 6 months into the pregnancy and i did not have the heart to make her go through the legal process of divorce . it seemed that the baby's father ran for it when he heard my wife was pregnant . i did tell her that i would be filling for divorce once she gives birth to baby and made it clear that our relationship wasn't salvageable . she agreed and i told her she'd have to move out once the lease expires in january . she tells me that she is still in love with me and that our relationship could be healed once again . i told her no and she left it at that. we have been sleeping in separate room ever since and i help with her delivery related treatment and visits to the hospital. now again a few days back she asks me to be with her in the delivery room once she delivers as she wants me to be a support for her .i once again declined and told her that she could ask her mother to be in the room to take care of her and not to ask me to be with her in the delivery room . she went on to tell this to her parents and they have been messaging and calling me trying to change my mind and even went on to call me cruel. aita for refusing to be in the delivery room? [/INST] nta. please get a lawyer in case you are in a jurisdiction that automatically assumes paternity of a child born within a marriage so that you can ensure you are not fighting an uphill battle to not be legally responsible for a child that is not yours. even if you don't change the living situation, make sure you are protected. </s>
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AITA for deleting my friend's wedding photos in front of them?
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i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up.
a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event.
on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling.
i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac.
i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min.
was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.
| 40,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/po2kd8/aita_for_deleting_my_friends_wedding_photos_in/
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2021-09-14 13:15:53
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nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit.
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they wanted mates rates but didn’t even save you food?
nta. the dogs are much better people than these ‘friends’
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nta. he told you to leave without pay and you called his bluff.
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nta.
they took you off the guest list for this without mentioning it to you in advance.
you went in with the expectation of $250 to take high quality pictures... while also being a guest at their event (including a place to sit, eat & drink)
and realistically, you did nothing but follow the grooms suggestion. either continue being a photographer or forfeit your $250.
what did the groom think that entailed? he would get all that work for free?
play stupid games win stupid prizes.
i would seriously reconsider this friendship.
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nta. who refuses to allow someone water or food?
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should have kept the photos and sold them for $1,000.
the $750 extra is the butthead customer surcharge.
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nta. that sounds horrible. i understand making rash decisions like this and then regretting them. but imo that was not an asshole move. nobody who gives ultimatums can then fault people for choosing one of the two options presented. like what kind of logic is that? groom: op you either choose 1. or 2. op: i choose 2. groom: shocked pikachu.
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nta. how do people like this even exist?? didn't know becoming a photographer meant you didn't need food or water.
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nta...giving a hungry person an ultimatum is a huge mistake. i hope they enjoy their memories, because the photographs aren't on the way.
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nta
you're my idol!!! lol. slave labor ended years ago were they trying to revive it?
you should make a post explaining the situation before they get back and blame it all on you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm not really a photographer, i'm a dog groomer. i take lots of photos of dogs all day to put on my facebook and instagram, it's "my thing" if that makes sense. a cut and a photo with every appointment. i very seldom shoot things other than dogs even if i have a nice set up. a friend got married a few days ago and wanting to save money, asked if i'd shoot it for them. i told him it's not really my forte but he convinced me by saying he didn't care if they were perfect: they were on a shoestring budget and i agreed to shoot it for $250, which is nothing for a 10 hour event. on the day of, i'm driving around following the bride as she goes from appointment to appointment before the ceremony, taking photos along the way. i shoot the ceremony itself, and during the reception i'm shooting speeches and people mingling. i started around 11am and was due to finish around 7:30pm. around 5pm, food is being served and i was told i cannot stop to eat because i need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table. i'm getting tired and at this point kinda regretting doing this for next to nothing. it's also unbelievably hot: the venue is in an old veteran's legion and it's like 110f and there's no ac. i told the groom i need to take off for 20min to get something to eat and drink. there's no open bar or anything, i can't even get water and my two water bottles are long empty. he tells me i need to either be photographer, or leave without pay. with the heat, being hungry, being generally annoyed at the circumstances, i asked if he was sure, and he said yes, so i deleted all the photos i took in front of him and took off saying i'm not his photographer anymore. if i was to be paid $250, honestly at that point i would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5min. was i the asshole? they went right on their honeymoon and they've all been off of social media, but a lot of people have been posting on their wall asking about photos with zero responses. [/INST] nta at all. you could have risked your health and they treated you like shit. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to read less?
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brief intro to the situation- my daughter is 22, she has a steady (but starter) job in her preferred field and rents her own place. i’m very proud of her and she’s always been a great kid.
she’s been back home with us for a few weeks because of the holidays, and i’ve noticed she reads, a lot.
she works from home, and whenever she has breaks at work (in between calls, etc) she reads. she reads before going to sleep. she reads on weekends. she reads on car rides. etc. she spends pretty much all of her free time reading.
she’s always loved reading, but she’s doing it too much recently. and it’s all fiction novels - not one book for her university studies (she’s a one-time dropout, trying for a second time now).
i get that it’s a hobby but it’s basically wasting her time, it’s not really gonna give her anything.
i’ve told her multiple times to waste less of her time but she always just shrugs it off.
yesterday i was driving her somewhere and we were chatting in the car, and the topic of books came up. she started talking about some fantasy mystery novel (her favorite genre) she’s reading and how she basically read all of the good fantasy mystery novels in english she could find, so she started reading ones translated from chinese.
i tried not to say anything at first, because she was so excited over it and i didn’t wanna ruin her excitement, but then i sorta realized i needed to intervene.
i started talking to her about how she needs to read less and focus on university more. she tried to change the topic. i pointed out that instead of reading a billion novels each week, she could take half of that time and use it to study for university, or for anything else that’s not just time thrown away (like a sport, etc).
the talk escalated a bit and she got really upset, saying how reading is the only hobby she has time for these days (she used to have other hobbies, like video games, gardening, etc).
but it just doesn’t make sense to me why she has to read so much. i’m not telling her to stop reading altogether, just to read less.
she kept insisting that she doesn’t spend that much time reading, she just consumes books very fast making it seem like she’s reading a lot... but honestly? that’s just an excuse.
in the end, what happened is that she’s now upset and doesn’t want to talk to me. her dad thinks i shouldn’t be interfering in what she spends her time on as she’s an adult, but i still think she needed that wakeup call.
but it’s been bothering me, maybe i was wrong and her dad was right? i don’t think so, but please give your opinions. thank you in advance!
| 4,482 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kv4k84/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_read_less/
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2021-01-11 15:15:09
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yta how is her reading hurting you exactly?
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yta - and a massive asshole. many parents would love to see their children or family members read more. it's a healthy, educational and fun hobby with zero impact on you. what is wrong with you? what do you want her to do, something more serious like watching tv or something?
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yta. she is a 22 year old woman, not a child. she is definitely not the only person to take up reading in earnest since the beginning of covid.
it brings her joy, and serenity during a period when there is very little to be found. you invalidated her coping skills and her happiness.
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yta, she's reading, she's not snorting coke ffs.
she has a job, she studies to go to uni and she's supporting herself. and of course it's a starter job at 22, what did you expect her to get, a ceo position?!
it sounds like she works hard and is independent, she deserves to relax and enjoy her hobby in peace, although if i were her, i would stop sharing anything personal with you. trying to micro-manage her free time and being so critical and negative about her as you seemed to be in your post will only push your daughter away from you and make your relationship unnecessarily hostile.
fyi:
**research shows that regular reading:**
* improves brain connectivity.
* increases your vocabulary and comprehension.
* empowers you to empathize with other people.
* aids in sleep readiness.
* reduces stress.
* lowers blood pressure and heart rate.
* fights depression symptoms.
* prevents cognitive decline as you age.
[https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-reading-books](https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-reading-books)
i honestly hope you're trolling, because it's beyond ridiculous to be so controlling and nasty about a perfectly innocent and actually beneficial hobby.
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yta - so she works, is going to school and manages to live on her own
seems like her reading isn’t causing any issues in her life
the only issue is you
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she’s reading a book at home during the holidays. that’s...too much for you? what is it about a sport that’s not a waste of time, while reading a book is?
there’s a difference between having a conversation about focusing more on your studies, vs a conversation on why her hobby is bad. you had the “bad hobby” conversation. and her hobby isn’t bad - you just have some weird hang up on reading.
bizarre.
yta.
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yta. she reads for a hobby. would you prefer she played video games?
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info
why do you consider a sport to be more productive than reading?
if it’s just because it’s exercise, i would like to point out that reading books is just as important for stimulating your brain, which is also needed.
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how is this even real? yta.
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yta, a massive asshole. your daughter has a very healthy hobby and truly enjoys reading her books. instead of inviting her to try something new, your only advice is to read less. maybe there’s a reason she likes to get lost in fantasy novels, have you even bothered asking?
she came to you with excitement about reading and the best you could do was humor her for a short while and then promptly shut her down. it seems like you haven’t gotten over her dropping out the first time around. the problem lies with you, don’t make it about her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: brief intro to the situation- my daughter is 22, she has a steady (but starter) job in her preferred field and rents her own place. i’m very proud of her and she’s always been a great kid. she’s been back home with us for a few weeks because of the holidays, and i’ve noticed she reads, a lot. she works from home, and whenever she has breaks at work (in between calls, etc) she reads. she reads before going to sleep. she reads on weekends. she reads on car rides. etc. she spends pretty much all of her free time reading. she’s always loved reading, but she’s doing it too much recently. and it’s all fiction novels - not one book for her university studies (she’s a one-time dropout, trying for a second time now). i get that it’s a hobby but it’s basically wasting her time, it’s not really gonna give her anything. i’ve told her multiple times to waste less of her time but she always just shrugs it off. yesterday i was driving her somewhere and we were chatting in the car, and the topic of books came up. she started talking about some fantasy mystery novel (her favorite genre) she’s reading and how she basically read all of the good fantasy mystery novels in english she could find, so she started reading ones translated from chinese. i tried not to say anything at first, because she was so excited over it and i didn’t wanna ruin her excitement, but then i sorta realized i needed to intervene. i started talking to her about how she needs to read less and focus on university more. she tried to change the topic. i pointed out that instead of reading a billion novels each week, she could take half of that time and use it to study for university, or for anything else that’s not just time thrown away (like a sport, etc). the talk escalated a bit and she got really upset, saying how reading is the only hobby she has time for these days (she used to have other hobbies, like video games, gardening, etc). but it just doesn’t make sense to me why she has to read so much. i’m not telling her to stop reading altogether, just to read less. she kept insisting that she doesn’t spend that much time reading, she just consumes books very fast making it seem like she’s reading a lot... but honestly? that’s just an excuse. in the end, what happened is that she’s now upset and doesn’t want to talk to me. her dad thinks i shouldn’t be interfering in what she spends her time on as she’s an adult, but i still think she needed that wakeup call. but it’s been bothering me, maybe i was wrong and her dad was right? i don’t think so, but please give your opinions. thank you in advance!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
brief intro to the situation- my daughter is 22, she has a steady (but starter) job in her preferred field and rents her own place. i’m very proud of her and she’s always been a great kid. she’s been back home with us for a few weeks because of the holidays, and i’ve noticed she reads, a lot. she works from home, and whenever she has breaks at work (in between calls, etc) she reads. she reads before going to sleep. she reads on weekends. she reads on car rides. etc. she spends pretty much all of her free time reading. she’s always loved reading, but she’s doing it too much recently. and it’s all fiction novels - not one book for her university studies (she’s a one-time dropout, trying for a second time now). i get that it’s a hobby but it’s basically wasting her time, it’s not really gonna give her anything. i’ve told her multiple times to waste less of her time but she always just shrugs it off. yesterday i was driving her somewhere and we were chatting in the car, and the topic of books came up. she started talking about some fantasy mystery novel (her favorite genre) she’s reading and how she basically read all of the good fantasy mystery novels in english she could find, so she started reading ones translated from chinese. i tried not to say anything at first, because she was so excited over it and i didn’t wanna ruin her excitement, but then i sorta realized i needed to intervene. i started talking to her about how she needs to read less and focus on university more. she tried to change the topic. i pointed out that instead of reading a billion novels each week, she could take half of that time and use it to study for university, or for anything else that’s not just time thrown away (like a sport, etc). the talk escalated a bit and she got really upset, saying how reading is the only hobby she has time for these days (she used to have other hobbies, like video games, gardening, etc). but it just doesn’t make sense to me why she has to read so much. i’m not telling her to stop reading altogether, just to read less. she kept insisting that she doesn’t spend that much time reading, she just consumes books very fast making it seem like she’s reading a lot... but honestly? that’s just an excuse. in the end, what happened is that she’s now upset and doesn’t want to talk to me. her dad thinks i shouldn’t be interfering in what she spends her time on as she’s an adult, but i still think she needed that wakeup call. but it’s been bothering me, maybe i was wrong and her dad was right? i don’t think so, but please give your opinions. thank you in advance! [/INST] yta how is her reading hurting you exactly? </s>
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AITA for telling the entire family that my brother is getting married after he made the wedding on my son’s birthday?
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i am one of 6 kids but this post is about my younger brother (40).
i have 4 kids (20f, 18f, 15f, 10m). my brother has 5 (16f, 15m, 12f, 3f, 4mo f). we don’t get together often because my girls and his oldest don’t get along and because we’re a 4 hour plane ride from each other.
my son’s birthday is around thanksgiving. we’re always with my family on thanksgiving and we always have a big family party for his birthday.
my brother is a busy person (owns a large company) so i was asking him what day he’d be available for the party. he wasn’t available any day, which i thought was weird considering he always tries to meet with me/the rest of our family around thanksgiving.
then i got a text from a mutual friend asking what i was wearing to my brother’s wedding and if i had any ideas for a gift since she couldn’t find a registry. i asked her what she was talking about and my friend told me that he was getting married. i didn’t even know he was engaged. he told us last year that he was in a relationship and they had just had a child together but nothing about getting married.
after some digging, i found out that the wedding would be on my son’s birthday and only 2 of our siblings/their kids are invited.
i thought this was incredibly rude of him so i decided to tell the entire family at thanksgiving that he was getting married, when, and where.
some family members made an appearance at his wedding and he found out i was the one who told them about it. he called me the next day screaming at me for “ruining his wedding” then blocked me on everything.
i’m starting to feel bad so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
| 3,889 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcoys8/aita_for_telling_the_entire_family_that_my/
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2022-12-04 23:05:59
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yta. holy moly.
clearly he has a reason for not inviting you and the other family. maybe do some self reflection into that. you maliciously told your family. they crashed his wedding.
i hope your apples fall far away from the tree.
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yta. there’s a reason he didn’t tell or invite part of his family. i would be livid if someone told the toxic members of my family i was getting married. the fact that they actually went, not being invited says a ton about how toxic they are. never disrespect someone’s right to go nc.
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yta. it is never your place to make announcements on behalf of other people without their permission.
you guys clearly aren't that close, so why should he care that it's your son's birthday?
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yta it sounds like your brother has gone lc (now nc) with you and other members of your family, and in any case is not obligated to invite you or anyone else to his wedding. more to the point absolutely no one is required to schedule their wedding around your son’s birthday party. it would be one thing if you shared the info with your family as a curiosity, but you clearly state you found his entirely not rude behavior to be rude and spitefully shared all his wedding info, clearly to have your people crash it, which they then did.
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yta
so he's getting married and didn't tell you.
you don't handle that by telling all the family without his agreement, you handle that by calling and telling him you heard he was getting married.
you don't know why you and the other 4 siblings were left out and you didn't even care to ask. you just went straight to retribution.
for all you know he might have wanted to have a small event, or had limitations on finances/or number of guests. he might have been planning to tell you but you beat him to the punch.
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of course yta
there was a reason he didn’t tell you and didn’t invite the rest of the family. this response from you is likely a good indication as to why.
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yta
based on how you handled this i can see why you were left off the guest list
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yta - really?!? you think there’s a world where you’re somehow not?! what an absolutely miserable person you are.
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[deleted]
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yta- did you ever stop to think that he had his reasons for not wanting certain people there. of course not! you chose to disclose this information because of your childish reaction to his not wanting you there. i am sure he has very valid reasons for not wanting you there. news flash the world does not revolve around you or your son's birthday. congrats on destroying your relationship with your brother.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am one of 6 kids but this post is about my younger brother (40). i have 4 kids (20f, 18f, 15f, 10m). my brother has 5 (16f, 15m, 12f, 3f, 4mo f). we don’t get together often because my girls and his oldest don’t get along and because we’re a 4 hour plane ride from each other. my son’s birthday is around thanksgiving. we’re always with my family on thanksgiving and we always have a big family party for his birthday. my brother is a busy person (owns a large company) so i was asking him what day he’d be available for the party. he wasn’t available any day, which i thought was weird considering he always tries to meet with me/the rest of our family around thanksgiving. then i got a text from a mutual friend asking what i was wearing to my brother’s wedding and if i had any ideas for a gift since she couldn’t find a registry. i asked her what she was talking about and my friend told me that he was getting married. i didn’t even know he was engaged. he told us last year that he was in a relationship and they had just had a child together but nothing about getting married. after some digging, i found out that the wedding would be on my son’s birthday and only 2 of our siblings/their kids are invited. i thought this was incredibly rude of him so i decided to tell the entire family at thanksgiving that he was getting married, when, and where. some family members made an appearance at his wedding and he found out i was the one who told them about it. he called me the next day screaming at me for “ruining his wedding” then blocked me on everything. i’m starting to feel bad so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am one of 6 kids but this post is about my younger brother (40). i have 4 kids (20f, 18f, 15f, 10m). my brother has 5 (16f, 15m, 12f, 3f, 4mo f). we don’t get together often because my girls and his oldest don’t get along and because we’re a 4 hour plane ride from each other. my son’s birthday is around thanksgiving. we’re always with my family on thanksgiving and we always have a big family party for his birthday. my brother is a busy person (owns a large company) so i was asking him what day he’d be available for the party. he wasn’t available any day, which i thought was weird considering he always tries to meet with me/the rest of our family around thanksgiving. then i got a text from a mutual friend asking what i was wearing to my brother’s wedding and if i had any ideas for a gift since she couldn’t find a registry. i asked her what she was talking about and my friend told me that he was getting married. i didn’t even know he was engaged. he told us last year that he was in a relationship and they had just had a child together but nothing about getting married. after some digging, i found out that the wedding would be on my son’s birthday and only 2 of our siblings/their kids are invited. i thought this was incredibly rude of him so i decided to tell the entire family at thanksgiving that he was getting married, when, and where. some family members made an appearance at his wedding and he found out i was the one who told them about it. he called me the next day screaming at me for “ruining his wedding” then blocked me on everything. i’m starting to feel bad so i wanted to know if i was the asshole. [/INST] yta. holy moly. clearly he has a reason for not inviting you and the other family. maybe do some self reflection into that. you maliciously told your family. they crashed his wedding. i hope your apples fall far away from the tree. </s>
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AITA for putting an intern’s future employment in jeopardy for walking off with my baby?
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throwaway
okay, i have a two-month-old and am currently on paternity leave. i’m fortunate to work at a place that’s family-oriented and where i’m a senior employee. i’m able to get a longer than typical paternity leave by working remotely from home. however, i had to go into the office to get documents that could only be accessed on my work computer. i thought i would give my wife a break and let her sleep in. so i grabbed my kid and headed to the office.
only my boss knew i was coming in, so the office was surprised. and as people do, they gravitated towards the baby. lots of cooing, holding, passing around, etc. this was all taking place inside my office. then my baby started crying. i told my assistant that she can rock baby or walk around the office and they’ll go back to sleep. my assistant took her outside my office by her desk and i worked on gathering what i needed from my computer.
i stop hearing crying and look up to see my assistant on her phone, no baby in her arms. i rush out and ask where my kid is. she said asked one of the interns, let’s call her mary, to take her because she got a call from a client.
like most places, my office has summer interns who are college students. i’ve only met them once during the interviews months ago but i went on paternity leave before they started and haven’t worked with them like the rest of the office has. i know nothing about them personally since i’ve been out of the office.
i went over to where the intern desks are and ask where mary was and they said she went to the bathroom. i asked if she had my baby they said she thinks so and i asked one of the female employees if she could go to the bathroom to get her. a minute later, they both come back, baby with mary and diaper bag on her arm.
i took my kid from her arms and told her i didn’t appreciate her walking off with my kid. mary said my assistant asked her to hold the baby and when she did, it seemed like baby needed a diaper change so she went and did that. i told her i appreciate the sentiment but didn’t like the idea of a stranger walking off with my baby.
in private, i told my boss that how i felt and that i would feel uncomfortable extending her a job offer at the end of her internship but the status of her employment now was up to my boss to decide.
when i told my wife, she said i went too far. the girl was doing a simple task and that she probably was given an “intern task”. i reiterated that the girl was a stranger and we wouldn’t let a stranger change our kid’s diaper anywhere else why work? work doesn’t stop people from being psychos. wife said she understood that but that i didn’t need to jeopardize the intern’s future employment and that i was throwing my weight around since i’m high in command.
aita?
| 5,673 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cencwh/aita_for_putting_an_interns_future_employment_in/
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2019-07-18 03:47:47
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yta- you took your baby into work.
then left the baby with an assistant which prevented the assistant from focusing on her job, then your assistant didn’t want to be your nanny and gave the baby to an intern because she didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of dealing with a crying baby while trying to perform her job.
why aren’t you mad at the assistant?
also, the intern was following orders.
don’t bring your small child to your office if you aren’t going to take 100% responsibility.
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yta, absolutely.
the intern was being nice, she noticed the baby needed changing and took action.
you found her with relative ease, she had done nothing dangerous or reckless and was caring for your child while you were unable to.
i get that you might not appreciate her actions, but to actually go so far as to punish her in such a serious way is absolutely awful on your part.
i don't know how you expected her to know exactly what your rules were. she was handed a baby and dealt with it like a pro when it was absolutely not her responsibility.
you should have commended her imo.
if anything, your assistant was a little out of line handing the baby off to someone she probably knew you were not familiar with but in reality, none of these people signed up to look after your child.
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yta, like... a really big one.
you left your baby with somebody that isn't responsible for it, they pawned it off to an intern and they went the extra mile and changed your kid.
then
you went the extra mile to make sure the intern wouldn't have a job after they did free work for you... i wish i could vote twice.
you're not mad your assistant? your mad at the intern?! jfc man, get your privilege in check. i'd consider leaving my child with an assistant to be 'psycho' behavior, not changing a dirty diaper.
the acronym doesn't do it justice. you're an asshole.
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yta.
this feels so old school. and, for the record, i'm old school. as in, i'm 62(f), and this whole thing harkens back to the time the boss would expect his assistant to do personal things. things outside work hours or outside her work description. i was one of those assistants for nearly two decades.
you are a shit. don't bring your kid to work, hand her off to your assistant (and don't say she took the baby...you gave her the baby...in a busy office). and then you get pissed off because she has actual work to do and hands off your poopy pants baby to an intern who tries to do the right thing and changes your baby's diaper. you think she wanted to get your baby's excrement all over her hands? do you think it was fun for her? and then, oh joy, both of them get handed their asses for taking care of your kid.
the convos that happened after you left must have been choice. congratulations. you're now the least liked person in the company.
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yta.
"then the baby started crying and i asked the assistant to take the baby and rock her and walk around the office....."
yta that is passing your baby off. your the dad. you took it to the office. unsurprisingly baby started crying and instead of comforting or taking care of your baby you passed off your baby to your assistant.
you passed baby along. when assistant got a call she needed to take instead of taking care of your baby, she passed along to the intern.
you should be thanking the intern because she actually not only took your crying baby (most people won't do, btw) got it to stop crying and changed your baby. most single people wonttouch a diaper with a 10 foot pole.
you repay said intern with being an ah and trying to get her fired at the end of her internship.
your baby wasn't your assistants job nor the interns. not part of their job description i am almost positive and then you act like a jerk for intern taking care of your baby.
they aren't your babysitter.
yta if i didn't say it enough. you need to retract your statement to your boss and apologize and maybe if you aren't a complete douche thank the intern. if i was them i wouldn't want to work for your company just based on your attitude
edit. thank you kind stranger for your silver. i am happy that my thoughts resonated so much with so many others. i am humbled.
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i also love how you’re just pretending the dirty diaper couldn’t possibly be the reason the baby was crying.
your baby was crying for want of a clean diaper, and instead of handling that your self like an actual parent, you pawned a *crying child* off on your employee, who is not a nanny and was unable to do her own job because of said crying baby, and so handed her off to an intern, who is definitely not the parent and whose job role is even *less* similar to “op’s nanny,” but who was the first person in this whole chain with the wits and compassion to change the damn diaper so your kid would be comfortable and quiet down and quit disturbing *the entire office*
and here you are acting like you did the right thing for doling out official reprimands to two people whose job titles are definitely not “nanny”
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yta. really shouldn’t have said those things to your boss considering she was the nicest intern and the one willing to take your kid after you told your assistant to take the baby instead of asked. not only that but she actually cared enough to change your kids diaper. wow, you need to get your butt back into the office to apologize to that girl and to clear things up with your boss.
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yta for getting mad at mary and jeopardizing her future. you should be mad at your assistant who just handed your baby off to her.
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[deleted]
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yta, it’s already fairly unprofessional to show up in your place of work with your baby. it’s disruptive and distracting. it would have been okay to give everyone a heads up and do it around lunch time or the end of the day when it’s less disruptive.
it’s super unprofessional and inappropriate that when your baby started crying you handed them off to your assistant and expect her to care for your baby. she is not your nanny, babysitter or any kind of caregiver. i want to let you off the hook and say it’s a one time favor which would be normal and acceptable but you’re coming off as pretty entitled. your assistant is there to work, not babysit. it would be within reason for her to talk to hr or your own manager about workplace boundaries. she had a meeting that you almost caused her to miss because you expected her to watch your baby (again not her job).
asking the intern to watch the baby is also problematic. there are power dynamics at play that make it hard for her to say no. even the healthiest of office cultures interns feel at times like they can’t say no because they have no power or authority.
again, it’s the same thing, the intern is not there to babysit. yet, she went above and provided actual care for your child. she saw what the baby needed and provided it. she didn’t take your baby out of the building or do anything inappropriate. how did you thank her? by making sure she has zero chance of career growth. if she is not extended an offer and her work record is otherwise good, this is exposing your company to potential drama (worst case is a lawsuit, more likely an internal review of workplace culture and norms).
i get that being a new parent can make you overreact and be protective but you took it too far. you owe a few people apologies. it might be good to take a hard look at yourself and how you treat your subordinates. ask yourself if this is part of larger pattern of boundary crossing and lashing out.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway okay, i have a two-month-old and am currently on paternity leave. i’m fortunate to work at a place that’s family-oriented and where i’m a senior employee. i’m able to get a longer than typical paternity leave by working remotely from home. however, i had to go into the office to get documents that could only be accessed on my work computer. i thought i would give my wife a break and let her sleep in. so i grabbed my kid and headed to the office. only my boss knew i was coming in, so the office was surprised. and as people do, they gravitated towards the baby. lots of cooing, holding, passing around, etc. this was all taking place inside my office. then my baby started crying. i told my assistant that she can rock baby or walk around the office and they’ll go back to sleep. my assistant took her outside my office by her desk and i worked on gathering what i needed from my computer. i stop hearing crying and look up to see my assistant on her phone, no baby in her arms. i rush out and ask where my kid is. she said asked one of the interns, let’s call her mary, to take her because she got a call from a client. like most places, my office has summer interns who are college students. i’ve only met them once during the interviews months ago but i went on paternity leave before they started and haven’t worked with them like the rest of the office has. i know nothing about them personally since i’ve been out of the office. i went over to where the intern desks are and ask where mary was and they said she went to the bathroom. i asked if she had my baby they said she thinks so and i asked one of the female employees if she could go to the bathroom to get her. a minute later, they both come back, baby with mary and diaper bag on her arm. i took my kid from her arms and told her i didn’t appreciate her walking off with my kid. mary said my assistant asked her to hold the baby and when she did, it seemed like baby needed a diaper change so she went and did that. i told her i appreciate the sentiment but didn’t like the idea of a stranger walking off with my baby. in private, i told my boss that how i felt and that i would feel uncomfortable extending her a job offer at the end of her internship but the status of her employment now was up to my boss to decide. when i told my wife, she said i went too far. the girl was doing a simple task and that she probably was given an “intern task”. i reiterated that the girl was a stranger and we wouldn’t let a stranger change our kid’s diaper anywhere else why work? work doesn’t stop people from being psychos. wife said she understood that but that i didn’t need to jeopardize the intern’s future employment and that i was throwing my weight around since i’m high in command. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway okay, i have a two-month-old and am currently on paternity leave. i’m fortunate to work at a place that’s family-oriented and where i’m a senior employee. i’m able to get a longer than typical paternity leave by working remotely from home. however, i had to go into the office to get documents that could only be accessed on my work computer. i thought i would give my wife a break and let her sleep in. so i grabbed my kid and headed to the office. only my boss knew i was coming in, so the office was surprised. and as people do, they gravitated towards the baby. lots of cooing, holding, passing around, etc. this was all taking place inside my office. then my baby started crying. i told my assistant that she can rock baby or walk around the office and they’ll go back to sleep. my assistant took her outside my office by her desk and i worked on gathering what i needed from my computer. i stop hearing crying and look up to see my assistant on her phone, no baby in her arms. i rush out and ask where my kid is. she said asked one of the interns, let’s call her mary, to take her because she got a call from a client. like most places, my office has summer interns who are college students. i’ve only met them once during the interviews months ago but i went on paternity leave before they started and haven’t worked with them like the rest of the office has. i know nothing about them personally since i’ve been out of the office. i went over to where the intern desks are and ask where mary was and they said she went to the bathroom. i asked if she had my baby they said she thinks so and i asked one of the female employees if she could go to the bathroom to get her. a minute later, they both come back, baby with mary and diaper bag on her arm. i took my kid from her arms and told her i didn’t appreciate her walking off with my kid. mary said my assistant asked her to hold the baby and when she did, it seemed like baby needed a diaper change so she went and did that. i told her i appreciate the sentiment but didn’t like the idea of a stranger walking off with my baby. in private, i told my boss that how i felt and that i would feel uncomfortable extending her a job offer at the end of her internship but the status of her employment now was up to my boss to decide. when i told my wife, she said i went too far. the girl was doing a simple task and that she probably was given an “intern task”. i reiterated that the girl was a stranger and we wouldn’t let a stranger change our kid’s diaper anywhere else why work? work doesn’t stop people from being psychos. wife said she understood that but that i didn’t need to jeopardize the intern’s future employment and that i was throwing my weight around since i’m high in command. aita? [/INST] yta- you took your baby into work. then left the baby with an assistant which prevented the assistant from focusing on her job, then your assistant didn’t want to be your nanny and gave the baby to an intern because she didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of dealing with a crying baby while trying to perform her job. why aren’t you mad at the assistant? also, the intern was following orders. don’t bring your small child to your office if you aren’t going to take 100% responsibility. </s>
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AITA for getting back the money my husband took from our IVF treatment and gave to his friend?
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to start off i want to say that my husband (36m) has an old friend (33m) that he's known since highschool. they're inseperable and spend the entire week together. like they're really really close.
my husband and i struggled with fertility issues for years. we recently started new method (ivf) in hopes to get at least one child together. note that i saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousands. we saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that's just how it goes). this time i'd put all the money (including dad's inhertance) and my husband didn't pay a cent.
last week i found out that he secretly pulled out 7k (we had 11k in total). i was completely and utterly shocked i confronted him and he casually reminded me of how many times his best friend complained about his "old junk" car and he decided to "lend" him 7k to buy a decent car, his argument was that his friend would've done the same for him. i was beyond livid i asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that i shouldn't worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. i lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused. his friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the polic thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish. i told him i saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together. he "corrected" me saying i'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that i "make up" for it by paying for the ivf myself. this hurt so badly and i couldn't argue anymore. he went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how i treated them both and for the police invovlement like they stole from me or something.
| 22,348 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vm861k/aita_for_getting_back_the_money_my_husband_took/
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2022-06-27 23:08:53
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nta. that was money you saved/inherited. that means you are the one paying for it and he did steal from you.
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>he "corrected" me saying i'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that i "make up" for it by paying for the ivf myself.
i hate to say it, ~~but unless he apologize profuselly and makes amends~~, you should run.
this man has no respect for you. how could he say something so hurtful to the person he is supposed to love ? if this is really what he thinks of you, he doesn't deserve you.
nta.
edit : i striked out a part of my text, because op stated that it's not the first time he uses this line. clearly he means it. he is 100% **accusing** her instead of **supporting** her. this is not how loving husbands act.
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oh hon…you are not “in this together”…do not have a child with this man.
nta
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nta.
he doesn't seem like he actually wants kids. better idea, divorce him and get a sperm doner/ surrogate.
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nta and i think it's evident at this point you are no longer in a committed relationship. your husband has finally revealed several things to you. something i don't think you realize that he revealed is that he no longer thinks you will have a child no matter what. if he was in it to have a child he wouldn't have pulled that money out to begin with. it was a hit or miss on whether or not the friend could repay that 7 k in time. if he needed it then its not something he can easily acquire back. on top of this your husband is now outwardly hurting you by saying you are the one with the problem and is effectively saying it isn't his fault. your husband no longer wants to have a child with you. and his lack of cate and feelings for you, as well as how ready he was to steal money from you, just shows that this relationship is over.
for your own mental safety i recommend leaving him and finding someone to love who is mentally available to take this journey with you. your husband is not this man.
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nta. are you sure your husband and this guy are just really good friends? i can’t imagine giving $7000 to my close friends from high school so they can buy a car! seems weird to me.
also, not to pull the divorce card, but holy guacamole. if you and your husband have such different views of financial responsibility and money management, i’m not sure how your marriage lasts in the long term. sorry you’re going through this. if you continue with ivf treatments, then i wish you the best of luck.
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nta
your husband should have asked you about it first and it would've been your decision not his.
on another topic, it is not your fault for your fertility issues. maybe it's the fate telling you not to do it with this man. there's too many red flags here.
🚩he doesn't contribute as much as he can.
🚩he thinks it's your responsibility. he will think that about the child as well.
🚩he doesn't respect you enough to include you in decisions kf importance.
🚩he feels like what's yours is his. what's his is his.
🚩he is immature and childish. who goes snickering to his friend? i used to do it when i was about 10/13 about my mom.
honey please do not have a child with him. once you do that you are stuck for good.
divorce is easy when there is no children involved.
once you have a child you have to keep contact with him. and you do not want that.
take care of yourself and find someone who values you and is willing to fight and support you through the motherhood journey.
its not all sunshine and rainbows. but it doesn't have to be storms and hurricanes either.
take care of yourself and remember you are your only priority right now. not your husband. you do not have to feel responsible for his behaviour and it was not because of anything you did. he crossed a very serious line. he still did not acknowledge his wrongdoings and he won't in the near future.
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nta.
i don't see how your marriage can come back from this.
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nta and i'd be looking for a divorce lawyer. he has put his friend getting a new car above you trying for a child and blames you for an issue that you neither instigated nor asked for. he is not the man for you.
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>i told him i saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together. he "corrected" me saying i'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that i "make up" for it by paying for the ivf myself.
this is one of the cruelest things you could say to a person. please, please, don't have a child with him. and i would honestly *seriously* reconsider this relationship completely after a comment like that. someone that truly loved and respected you would never say something that awful, let alone take 7k out of the bank, that was for ivf, to lend a friend without a discussion. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start off i want to say that my husband (36m) has an old friend (33m) that he's known since highschool. they're inseperable and spend the entire week together. like they're really really close. my husband and i struggled with fertility issues for years. we recently started new method (ivf) in hopes to get at least one child together. note that i saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousands. we saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that's just how it goes). this time i'd put all the money (including dad's inhertance) and my husband didn't pay a cent. last week i found out that he secretly pulled out 7k (we had 11k in total). i was completely and utterly shocked i confronted him and he casually reminded me of how many times his best friend complained about his "old junk" car and he decided to "lend" him 7k to buy a decent car, his argument was that his friend would've done the same for him. i was beyond livid i asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that i shouldn't worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. i lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused. his friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the polic thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish. i told him i saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together. he "corrected" me saying i'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that i "make up" for it by paying for the ivf myself. this hurt so badly and i couldn't argue anymore. he went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how i treated them both and for the police invovlement like they stole from me or something.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start off i want to say that my husband (36m) has an old friend (33m) that he's known since highschool. they're inseperable and spend the entire week together. like they're really really close. my husband and i struggled with fertility issues for years. we recently started new method (ivf) in hopes to get at least one child together. note that i saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousands. we saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that's just how it goes). this time i'd put all the money (including dad's inhertance) and my husband didn't pay a cent. last week i found out that he secretly pulled out 7k (we had 11k in total). i was completely and utterly shocked i confronted him and he casually reminded me of how many times his best friend complained about his "old junk" car and he decided to "lend" him 7k to buy a decent car, his argument was that his friend would've done the same for him. i was beyond livid i asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that i shouldn't worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. i lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused. his friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the polic thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish. i told him i saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together. he "corrected" me saying i'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that i "make up" for it by paying for the ivf myself. this hurt so badly and i couldn't argue anymore. he went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how i treated them both and for the police invovlement like they stole from me or something. [/INST] nta. that was money you saved/inherited. that means you are the one paying for it and he did steal from you. </s>
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AITA for hating my MIL's tattoo?
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my husband (32m) and i (31f) had our first child in june. our daughter is also the first grandchild on my husband's side so, naturally everyone is excited. but my mil has taken it to a whole other level.
my mil is very attention seeking and just over the top, to say the least. this year, my husband and i decided to stay home for christmas and celebrate with our own little family for obvious reasons. this did not settle well with my mil. she kept saying how she wanted everyone to be together and she just didn't understand why we couldn't. so, in order to appease her we decided that her and fil could come up on christmas eve to spend the day.
day of: everything was fine until we were almost finished with opening gifts. she told me and my husband that she had one last gift for our daughter and handed us an envelope. my husband proceeded to open the card and read it out loud. to sum it up, it said that she loved our daughter so much that she decided to get something for her and herself. what does that even mean?! we both look up and there she was pulling down her collar to show us a huge tattoo on her chest of a heart shaped pearl necklace (my daughter's birth stone), a couple of roses (birth flower) and our daughter's name.
i was stunned. i could feel the tears building up inside me. i turned to my husband and basically excused myself with my daughter to "feed her". i balled my eyes out in my bedroom. i could hear my husband trying to explain to her what she did wrong. i wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but i can't right now because i'm breastfeeding. i was so upset because not only did my mil take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower!
i pulled myself together and come out of the room to find my mil sobbing. she made a huge scene saying, "oh please don't kick me out! please let me stay! please oh please!" she told me that she was sorry, she didn't think it was a big deal and that she thought she was doing something nice for my daughter. she even said that she discussed her plans with fil and their friends and everyone gave her the green light. i told her that my daughter was 6 months old and had no idea what a tattoo is and that she did this for attention just like everything else she does. i was upset with the fact that she didn't even think to discuss it with us, her parents, about how we would feel about it. mind you, she doesn't even have her own children's names tattooed on her!
i told her that she was overstepping us as her parents. her response: "but i just want to be your mom! i just want to be close to you!" what does that have anything to do with this?! i told her that she was not my mom nor would she ever be.
since then, she has texted my husband and i almost every day (i don't respond) about her birthday plans coming up. the fact that she is just trying to sweep this whole thing under the rug and go about as if nothing happened even makes me more angry. i never want to see my mil's tattoo. am i the asshole?
| 3,548 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s729ie/aita_for_hating_my_mils_tattoo/
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2022-01-18 17:06:00
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yta - i fail to see why her getting a tattoo on her body is a problem and means you can’t get one. like seriously who cares? every single tattoo is unique so what’s it matter if you get one too?
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yta
>. i wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but i can't right now because i'm breastfeeding. i was so upset because not only did my mil take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower!
did you know that everyone who was born in the same month as your daughter has the same birth stone and flower? your mil didn't *take* it. unless you wanted this exact tattoo there's really no reason at all to be mad at your mil.
it seems to me like she's trying to connect with you in every way that she can and you're just not letting her in.
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yta
unless there's something i'm missing, why do you care if someone else got a tattoo on their body? you say that she took your daughter's name and birthstone? how did she take them? i don't get this at all. are you from a culture in which only parents get tattoos or something? i'm very confused. it sounds to me like you are being a drama queen and treating your mother-in-law horribly. i really, truly, don't understand why you care about this.
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i'm going to go against the grain and say esh. you because it was a tad dramatic but i'm going to allow the over reaction due to postpartum emotions. her because she took something from you that she knew your were hoping to do in am effort to one up you.
(yes op has not clarified that she knew op was wanting to get a tattoo, i'm speculating that she might have considering the "i just want you to love me and call me mom" line. like she was trying to "bond" over it)
she did it without asking and made a spectacle out of it. also because the tattoo is fucking weird and tasteless---imo.
(large chest tats made in honor of someone and using someone's name without their permission that aren't made as a memorial peice are tasteless and tacky, imo. i can't help but picture a large necklace with gaudy ass roses and a big ass font spelling the name out. yes it could be very well done and the goddess of ink her self could have inked it. idk. unless we see it we can't pass judgment on it. but the dude from that movie with "no regrats" spelled out is how i'm picturing it.)
but i think you guys should take a break and maybe start counseling to be able to better express your emotions. busting into tears isn't a normal response, and you need to learn to articulate boundaries better. she needs to go to counseling because that shit is weird. either she is playing a super screwed up game in trying to out compete you for showing your kid love or she is desperately trying to show love in an unhealthy way--either way therapy is needed. so e sh.
(i stand by esh. she knew it wouldn't be well received or she would have solicited op and her sons opinion. that she didn't makes it seem like it was done maliciously. op needs counseling, and to learn how to set boundaries better.)
edits in ().
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honestly? i think nta. it’s weird to me that everyone is saying yta- ‘it’s her body she gets to choose what the tattoo is’ yadda yadda, okay yes that, but it’s a tattoo representative of ops 6 month old daughter. mil also conveniently asked everyone surrounding her if it was a good idea except the parents of the kid. i’d be pretty pissed too regardless of if i was planning on getting a tattoo or not. tattoos like that are something you get after your forge a connection with someone on both sides, the daughter is too young to understand a tattoo based on her, and what if she has a really shitty relationship with the mil growing up? then she just has to deal with the fact that she has a commemorative tattoo of her even though she doesn’t like the woman. it can’t even be written off as just a tattoo because it has her daughter’s name on it. everyone’s saying ‘how was mil supposed to know you were getting tattoos’ that goes both ways! how was op supposed to know mil was getting a tattoo?? i think in general this is just a really good example of why we don’t get tattoos based off of non-consenting parties, and that is to specifically say i think above all else the daughter should be able to consent to someone having a tattoo based off of her.
i do think that the words towards mil were a little harsh. i think you could probably have a mature conversation with her where you explain your thought process, she explains her thought process, and you come to a mutual understanding of what went wrong and how to fix it
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yta, if shes over the top what are you? kicking her out and refusing to speak to her? don't get me wrong, i'd do a big eye roll. but beyond that i'd not be fussed, you can still get a tattoo for your daughter/kids.
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yep, yta. i thought this was going to be something awful. like you hate her tattoo because it’s a nazi symbol.
but nope, you’re just overreacting.
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your mil sounds annoying and intense and "gifting" her own tattoo to a baby on christmas eve is insane, but in this case yta because she's allowed to do whatever she wants to her body and you can with yours. there's nothing stopping you getting your own tattoo except your pride.
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after reading some comments on a different post for more info, gonna go against the grain and say nta. mil got a tattoo over her heart and made a huge deal out of writing a letter to a 6 month old baby, clearly meant for mom and dad given babies cant read, and then acted the victim when it had the expected results of being upsetting? asked everyone except for them if it was an okay idea?
the differing opinions between here and the mil subreddit are kind of wild. everyone issue here is just “her body, her right”. that’s not the issue imo. the issue is mil set up everything to make op and husband seem like they were unreasonable by not informing them, informing everyone else, and setting it up so it would be shocking.
why is no one else here concerned about that?
finally, people attacking op for her emotional response- she just had a baby six months ago. she’s only just going to be getting back to normal hormonal wise. this is definitely not as extreme a reaction as everyone is making it out to be?
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unpopular opinion but... nta. yes, it's her body and she can tattoo whatever she wants, but i fail to see in what context is this an acceptable christmas present for her 6-months granddaughter?! she literally did this to herself, on herself and for herself; as in, not for the child. narcissism at its best.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.238668 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (32m) and i (31f) had our first child in june. our daughter is also the first grandchild on my husband's side so, naturally everyone is excited. but my mil has taken it to a whole other level. my mil is very attention seeking and just over the top, to say the least. this year, my husband and i decided to stay home for christmas and celebrate with our own little family for obvious reasons. this did not settle well with my mil. she kept saying how she wanted everyone to be together and she just didn't understand why we couldn't. so, in order to appease her we decided that her and fil could come up on christmas eve to spend the day. day of: everything was fine until we were almost finished with opening gifts. she told me and my husband that she had one last gift for our daughter and handed us an envelope. my husband proceeded to open the card and read it out loud. to sum it up, it said that she loved our daughter so much that she decided to get something for her and herself. what does that even mean?! we both look up and there she was pulling down her collar to show us a huge tattoo on her chest of a heart shaped pearl necklace (my daughter's birth stone), a couple of roses (birth flower) and our daughter's name. i was stunned. i could feel the tears building up inside me. i turned to my husband and basically excused myself with my daughter to "feed her". i balled my eyes out in my bedroom. i could hear my husband trying to explain to her what she did wrong. i wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but i can't right now because i'm breastfeeding. i was so upset because not only did my mil take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower! i pulled myself together and come out of the room to find my mil sobbing. she made a huge scene saying, "oh please don't kick me out! please let me stay! please oh please!" she told me that she was sorry, she didn't think it was a big deal and that she thought she was doing something nice for my daughter. she even said that she discussed her plans with fil and their friends and everyone gave her the green light. i told her that my daughter was 6 months old and had no idea what a tattoo is and that she did this for attention just like everything else she does. i was upset with the fact that she didn't even think to discuss it with us, her parents, about how we would feel about it. mind you, she doesn't even have her own children's names tattooed on her! i told her that she was overstepping us as her parents. her response: "but i just want to be your mom! i just want to be close to you!" what does that have anything to do with this?! i told her that she was not my mom nor would she ever be. since then, she has texted my husband and i almost every day (i don't respond) about her birthday plans coming up. the fact that she is just trying to sweep this whole thing under the rug and go about as if nothing happened even makes me more angry. i never want to see my mil's tattoo. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (32m) and i (31f) had our first child in june. our daughter is also the first grandchild on my husband's side so, naturally everyone is excited. but my mil has taken it to a whole other level. my mil is very attention seeking and just over the top, to say the least. this year, my husband and i decided to stay home for christmas and celebrate with our own little family for obvious reasons. this did not settle well with my mil. she kept saying how she wanted everyone to be together and she just didn't understand why we couldn't. so, in order to appease her we decided that her and fil could come up on christmas eve to spend the day. day of: everything was fine until we were almost finished with opening gifts. she told me and my husband that she had one last gift for our daughter and handed us an envelope. my husband proceeded to open the card and read it out loud. to sum it up, it said that she loved our daughter so much that she decided to get something for her and herself. what does that even mean?! we both look up and there she was pulling down her collar to show us a huge tattoo on her chest of a heart shaped pearl necklace (my daughter's birth stone), a couple of roses (birth flower) and our daughter's name. i was stunned. i could feel the tears building up inside me. i turned to my husband and basically excused myself with my daughter to "feed her". i balled my eyes out in my bedroom. i could hear my husband trying to explain to her what she did wrong. i wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but i can't right now because i'm breastfeeding. i was so upset because not only did my mil take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower! i pulled myself together and come out of the room to find my mil sobbing. she made a huge scene saying, "oh please don't kick me out! please let me stay! please oh please!" she told me that she was sorry, she didn't think it was a big deal and that she thought she was doing something nice for my daughter. she even said that she discussed her plans with fil and their friends and everyone gave her the green light. i told her that my daughter was 6 months old and had no idea what a tattoo is and that she did this for attention just like everything else she does. i was upset with the fact that she didn't even think to discuss it with us, her parents, about how we would feel about it. mind you, she doesn't even have her own children's names tattooed on her! i told her that she was overstepping us as her parents. her response: "but i just want to be your mom! i just want to be close to you!" what does that have anything to do with this?! i told her that she was not my mom nor would she ever be. since then, she has texted my husband and i almost every day (i don't respond) about her birthday plans coming up. the fact that she is just trying to sweep this whole thing under the rug and go about as if nothing happened even makes me more angry. i never want to see my mil's tattoo. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta - i fail to see why her getting a tattoo on her body is a problem and means you can’t get one. like seriously who cares? every single tattoo is unique so what’s it matter if you get one too? </s>
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Aita: For giving my deceased son's college fund to his best friend instead of my nephew?
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this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first.
i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing.
despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college.
i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family.
he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else.
i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this.
it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
| 31,608 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jrrmdy/aita_for_giving_my_deceased_sons_college_fund_to/
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2020-11-10 19:27:03
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nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do.
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\> he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
goddamn, op, what have i told you about chopping those onions while i'm trying to shitpost for karma?
nta. whether this is a proper 529 plan or just some checking account that you tossed money into, after the intended beneficiary passed away, there's nothing obligating you to pick a contingent beneficiary due to perceived familial obligation.
\> they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out.
your nephew would be better served resenting his parents for not having the discipline nor the charisma to have thought ahead far enough to save money for his education.
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first, i'm so sorry for your loss.
second, nta.
third, *nta.*
fourth, **nta.**
finally, *nta.*
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nta. i'm struggling to see why your sister thought it was any of her business to ask what you were doing with the college money. it's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. and yes, your reasons for giving it to your son's friend are sound - he genuinely sounds like he deserves it.
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nta
do not give that money to your nephew.
i find it funny that they say your nephew may resent you if he finds out. how would he find out? from his mother? maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. the fact that a teenage boy was more supportive to you than all the adults in your family speaks volumes. tell your sister that if her son works hard he can get scholarships. i’m so sorry for your loss.
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nta. next time your sister wants to talk about being resentful over you not helping out her son, be sure to remind her how resentful *you* are that she offered fuck all help with yours when you needed it. the absolute gall.
your sons friend was his family, and has continued to be so.
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why help someone when they didn't help you?
nta.
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nta. if family was that important to them then they should have shown that by being there for you and your son. it's also not your problem or responsibility to pay for your nephews college because your sister hasn't saved properly. i think giving the college fund to your son's friend is a very sweet idea, and don't let them tell you otherwise.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
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this brought tears, ngl.
nta, 100%
this child was there for your son. made your son feel good. made your son happy. his friend is a good person.
your own family did nothing to help you, they do not deserve the college fund.
you know that story about the hen who has to grow everything alone, and bake the bread alone, then she's awarded with a feast while the animals who refused to help her had to sit and watch?
thats what this is. youre making the right decision, dont let family who wouldn't help you guilt you into giving them the fund.
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nta just because they are 'family' does not give them a right to your sons college fund.
where were they when your son was having bad days? did your nephew come stay with him? did he help him in any way? were they really good friends? from your post all these things point to no.
it is your money and your decision. if they ask again you can tell them you decided to keep it and it's none of their business. shut down any further discussion on the topic. it's your sisters responsibility to ensure her kid goes to school..... not yours.
also i think it's really nice that you are deciding to help your son's friend with college and i am sure your son would support your choice based on what you've told us.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this has been causing a conflict with my entire family. and they think that i'm being selfish and unreasonable. let me explain first. i m39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. he was 15 years old. it was devastating and i just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. they didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. they didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. they didn't take care of other things while i had a lot to deal with i wasn't offered any help just words. they'd just talk but do nothing. despite the struggle. i've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever i could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. he was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. i started saving money to keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. he had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. they were friends for 5 years, and i can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. to be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. he never stopped visiting and asking how i'm doing after my son's death. he'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. last week. while i was with my family my sister asked me what i was going to do with my son's college money. i didn't wanna mention this but since she asked i told her that i will be giving the money to my son's friend. she barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. my mom agreed that i wasn't thinking straight and that i should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and i was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. i didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that i was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son i don't even know why he'd be bothered. my sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college i told her this was my decision and i felt more comfortable that way. she started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. when i snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me i'm wrong and that i needed to think about this. it's just too much pressure and i'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this. [/INST] nta. ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. you aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do. </s>
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AITA for pushing off a girl my lap and making her cry?
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i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have.
anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk.
she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend.
so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't.
&#x200b;
| 25,202 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1z11d/aita_for_pushing_off_a_girl_my_lap_and_making_her/
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2020-08-01 20:21:44
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nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection.
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nta - i loved the last paragraph.
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nta. you're a loyal boyfriend.
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nta. i have no idea why she thought you liked her, seems like you were pretty clear.
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nta, you didn’t want her to sit on your lap, and she did anyway, and she started getting upset when you wouldn’t let her sit on you lap anymore knowing full well that you’re dating someone. i think it’s pretty clear cut.
info, just to make sure, did you physically push her off of you? i don’t remember seeing that in the post. or by push did you mean just tell her you can’t sit on me.
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>she thought there was something between us
yeah, your jacket
(thanks for the award!)
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nta. she showed her hand when she chose your lap over joe’s (knowing you have a gf), and melted down when things didn’t go her way. i hope joe was taking notes because this girl isn’t ready for an adult relationship with anyone.
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nta. as long as you have a steady girlfriend to interpret other girls' intentions, you will do fine.
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nta.
i'm a woman, so trust me on this, women are totally confusing and read way too much into every little thing. especially if it's about a guy. it doesn't get much better with age.
btw, if there aren't enough spots in the car, you guys need a second car. it's not safe to ride in someone's lap and it's an expensive ticket if you get caught. (ugh. saying that makes me feel old).
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you understand "girls" just fine, because they are just humans like you. i get that it's just a figure of speech, but don't let it turn into othering women, please.
nta, sarah is a jerk.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i \[19m\] just started dating a girl i really, really like a couple months ago. i was hanging out with my friend (i'll call joe\] who is also 19, and has a crush on this girl "sarah" \[18f\]. anyway, we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car, so i suggested she sit on joe's lap, but she chose to sit on mine, so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me. i felt really uncomfortable because she's just sitting her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend, who she knows i have. anyway, when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had put a jacket. i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said i was a jerk. she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said, "what are you talking about 'us?'" and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us. i said nope, i'm like this with all my friends, and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you liked me, and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend. i said "nope, i'm like that with everyone" and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her. she called me an asshole and i haven't seen her since. her best friend texted me and said i was being an asshole. i told my girlfriend \[19f\] against my friends wishes (who are also her friends, not sarah, but joe is) and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices. basically, she didn't really care, just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend. so, aita? i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me. it kind of dawned on me that night. i never pursued her. i slept over her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me, and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her. apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure. i don't understand girls. i really don't. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. i think this girl doesn’t know how to handle rejection. </s>
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AITA for getting a 15 year old kid (and his dad) arrested on felony charges?
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early february, my bike was stolen from a cafe in broad daylight. a friend told me they found my bike listed on marketplace, and sure enough there it was. they'd stripped the stickers, saddlebags, lights, basically anything that was easy to remove and identifiable, but i could still tell it was mine.
i message them asking if they still have it and say yes, we agree to meet up at a truck stop with the friend who tipped me off about the listing to "look at the bike". i ask her about it, she has no idea about anything about the bike, claiming she's selling it for her son. after a few minutes of stringing her along and pretending to inspect the bike, i say "oh, yes, this is the bike that your son stole from from (restaurant), i'll be taking it back now." she screams that we're robbing her, tries to create a scene and then my friend calls the cops for real. cops arrive, question both parties, but she avoids responsibility by feigning ignorance, although the son is arrested for grand larceny.
2 days later, the kid's father calls me (my number was listed publicly on my facebook) and tries to talk me into dropping the charges or because "this would ruin his life" and "kids make mistakes." i tell him that the situation is no longer in my control, (lie) and then tries to convince me to put in a good word for his son in hopes for leniency. i shut him down immediately, and he proceeds to get angry, yell at me for a bit and threaten me if i don't do as he asks, oblivious to the fact that the conversation is recorded. i turn the recording over to the police, and dad is arrested for intimidating a witness.
the next day, the mother calls me from a blocked number and tries to talk to me, but as soon as she identifies herself i tell her to fuck off and not call me again or i'll be reporting her to the police as well, and she hangs up. she then contacts my wife via facebook, sending a massive wall of text claiming that i'd ruined her son's life "over nothing" and how her and her children were going to be out on the street because they relied on their husband's income. my wife is now upset and thinks i took the situation too far, (as do most people i've told about this) but i disagree. i don't think my actions were unreasonable; this isn't a little kid making a mistake because they don't know the difference between right and wrong, this is a teenager that stole something because he's a little bastard, and a family that not only didn't make the kid do the right thing, but \*willfully participated in concealing and trying to profit off of their child's criminal behavior.\* they're shitty people, and i don't feel any remorse for giving shitty people what they deserve.
tl;dr: 15 year old kid stole my bike and got arrested, mom tried to hide it, dad tried to threaten me to drop charges and then got arrested as well. am i wrong for "escalating the situation."
edit/
| 18,722 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/micgnh/aita_for_getting_a_15_year_old_kid_and_his_dad/
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2021-04-02 04:02:20
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nta. a crime was committed and you reported it.
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nope. it is a family of thieves. mom was participating, dad was participating.
screw them.
nta
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i don't even need to read this. unless you're a shady cop that falsely arrested innocent people or the da that falsely charged them, you're *never* the asshole for reporting a real crime.
nta.
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nta-if they are innocent it will come out in the investigation. those that are guilty will get what they deserve, they ruined their own lives.
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not sure if this comment will be downvoted to oblivion, but anyways here goes. this serves more like a rant than a judgment. i'm not american and i'm not sure if this happens in the us. but i assume it is.
that being said, i find it amusing how people unanimously agree that the prison in us is fucked up beyond repair, yet when things like this happen they are more than happy to send people on their merry way to the fucking fucked up prison.
that kid and their family are thieves and liars, that is true as well. but idk man, is there no middle ground between getting your bike back safely and condemning a whole family to homelessness and destitution?
nta, but things could be better.
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nta. a 15-year-old stole my bike and got caught too, and he pled and got some kind of community service diversionary program. not sure if you’re in the us but if so, kid’s life is far from “ruined.” juvenile records are sealed, then wiped when he turns 18. so no one in his life but his parents will actually even know.
also i have a feeling this wasn’t dad’s first brush with the law. you should check him out on your local judiciary case search.
and you need to seriously lock down your fb account so these people can’t find you.
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nta - they're all involved in this together so you're shutting down a mini crime family
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my bike was stolen last week right outside the front door of the restaurant i work at and i too have been scouring cl fb etc in hopes of the thieves posting it for sale. so sick of bike thieves. nta x 1000.
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i think you’re doing the wrong thing.
ynta for reporting it, but i think you should be more compassionate. i used to live in london and i’ve had several bikes stolen (and not recovered), so i understand how shitty that feels, but you’ve recovered the bike, so what are you hoping to gain? you may think that this is justice, but it’s extremely disproportionate.
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kinda want to know if the kid was poor & black because this seems like an over reaction (grand larceny charge) & also why you decided to go as far as record this person. if the kid is black i mean yeah, it could ruin his life. there’s a lot more that comes into play when you deal with young black men, they are easy targets (for bad friends, & for cops, for “making an example” of)
if he’s some entitled little shit or a redneck asshole yeah sure.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: early february, my bike was stolen from a cafe in broad daylight. a friend told me they found my bike listed on marketplace, and sure enough there it was. they'd stripped the stickers, saddlebags, lights, basically anything that was easy to remove and identifiable, but i could still tell it was mine. i message them asking if they still have it and say yes, we agree to meet up at a truck stop with the friend who tipped me off about the listing to "look at the bike". i ask her about it, she has no idea about anything about the bike, claiming she's selling it for her son. after a few minutes of stringing her along and pretending to inspect the bike, i say "oh, yes, this is the bike that your son stole from from (restaurant), i'll be taking it back now." she screams that we're robbing her, tries to create a scene and then my friend calls the cops for real. cops arrive, question both parties, but she avoids responsibility by feigning ignorance, although the son is arrested for grand larceny. 2 days later, the kid's father calls me (my number was listed publicly on my facebook) and tries to talk me into dropping the charges or because "this would ruin his life" and "kids make mistakes." i tell him that the situation is no longer in my control, (lie) and then tries to convince me to put in a good word for his son in hopes for leniency. i shut him down immediately, and he proceeds to get angry, yell at me for a bit and threaten me if i don't do as he asks, oblivious to the fact that the conversation is recorded. i turn the recording over to the police, and dad is arrested for intimidating a witness. the next day, the mother calls me from a blocked number and tries to talk to me, but as soon as she identifies herself i tell her to fuck off and not call me again or i'll be reporting her to the police as well, and she hangs up. she then contacts my wife via facebook, sending a massive wall of text claiming that i'd ruined her son's life "over nothing" and how her and her children were going to be out on the street because they relied on their husband's income. my wife is now upset and thinks i took the situation too far, (as do most people i've told about this) but i disagree. i don't think my actions were unreasonable; this isn't a little kid making a mistake because they don't know the difference between right and wrong, this is a teenager that stole something because he's a little bastard, and a family that not only didn't make the kid do the right thing, but \*willfully participated in concealing and trying to profit off of their child's criminal behavior.\* they're shitty people, and i don't feel any remorse for giving shitty people what they deserve. tl;dr: 15 year old kid stole my bike and got arrested, mom tried to hide it, dad tried to threaten me to drop charges and then got arrested as well. am i wrong for "escalating the situation." edit/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
early february, my bike was stolen from a cafe in broad daylight. a friend told me they found my bike listed on marketplace, and sure enough there it was. they'd stripped the stickers, saddlebags, lights, basically anything that was easy to remove and identifiable, but i could still tell it was mine. i message them asking if they still have it and say yes, we agree to meet up at a truck stop with the friend who tipped me off about the listing to "look at the bike". i ask her about it, she has no idea about anything about the bike, claiming she's selling it for her son. after a few minutes of stringing her along and pretending to inspect the bike, i say "oh, yes, this is the bike that your son stole from from (restaurant), i'll be taking it back now." she screams that we're robbing her, tries to create a scene and then my friend calls the cops for real. cops arrive, question both parties, but she avoids responsibility by feigning ignorance, although the son is arrested for grand larceny. 2 days later, the kid's father calls me (my number was listed publicly on my facebook) and tries to talk me into dropping the charges or because "this would ruin his life" and "kids make mistakes." i tell him that the situation is no longer in my control, (lie) and then tries to convince me to put in a good word for his son in hopes for leniency. i shut him down immediately, and he proceeds to get angry, yell at me for a bit and threaten me if i don't do as he asks, oblivious to the fact that the conversation is recorded. i turn the recording over to the police, and dad is arrested for intimidating a witness. the next day, the mother calls me from a blocked number and tries to talk to me, but as soon as she identifies herself i tell her to fuck off and not call me again or i'll be reporting her to the police as well, and she hangs up. she then contacts my wife via facebook, sending a massive wall of text claiming that i'd ruined her son's life "over nothing" and how her and her children were going to be out on the street because they relied on their husband's income. my wife is now upset and thinks i took the situation too far, (as do most people i've told about this) but i disagree. i don't think my actions were unreasonable; this isn't a little kid making a mistake because they don't know the difference between right and wrong, this is a teenager that stole something because he's a little bastard, and a family that not only didn't make the kid do the right thing, but \*willfully participated in concealing and trying to profit off of their child's criminal behavior.\* they're shitty people, and i don't feel any remorse for giving shitty people what they deserve. tl;dr: 15 year old kid stole my bike and got arrested, mom tried to hide it, dad tried to threaten me to drop charges and then got arrested as well. am i wrong for "escalating the situation." edit/ [/INST] nta. a crime was committed and you reported it. </s>
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AITA for making a girl cry by calling her fat when she was roasting me for being skinny?
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context: so a couple of girls in my college friend group have a roommate called “jan”. i am acquainted with her and we never really had any problems, we actually made quite a good beer pong duo. i’m a tall and lanky male at 6’1 and 155lbs. jan is a white chick on the heavier-side.
recently, we had a watch party at jan’s apartment for the michigan football bowl game where our friends were all having a good time getting pretty tipsy. my buddy and i were talking about whether our qb should declare for the draft or return. i said “i sure hope he comes back, dylan (our backup qb) is still young and is still pretty scrawny.”
jan has a huge crush on dylan and didn’t appreciate that i called him skinny.
this caused her to go on a drunken tirade saying “what makes you think that you can call him skinny when you’re literally built of twigs?” “you would die playing football. tbh i don’t think you could even lift a helmet!”
at first, i took it on the chin, had a chuckle about it, and poked back a bit. i usually got my leg pulled about my physique but i never took it personally. until she started making it personal.
“look at you, you’re like one of those starving african kids on those tv commercials” (i’m brown but not african)
“that’s why dylan is a chick-magnet and [my ex] dumped you. you look malnourished”
she kept going and now i was beginning to boil. i wasn’t even responding at this point, just biting my tongue. but then i snapped.
her: “go lift some weights. it’s okay no one will judge you if you can only curl 5 pounds.”
me: “if you could tell me what your current diet is, i’m sure i’ll put on weight in no time.”
*silence*
her: “what are you trying to say?”
me: “i’m saying that if i’m a malnourished african then you could be on the biggest loser. and i’m pretty certain you wouldn’t win.”
her: “no wonder [ex] didn’t want you. go fuck yourself.”
me: “and no guy wants you. the last dick you got was moby dick. fucking whale.”
at this point she was in tears, make-up running and everything. her chick friends helped her into a bedroom to comfort her while looking back at me with a death glare.
since this was at jan’s place, i figured i should leave (michigan was getting slaughtered at this point anyways). i finished my beer and left. i got a facetime from one of my friends who is jan’s roommate. she urged me to apologize because she was just playing around and i went too far. i didn’t feel that way and i don’t want to apologize.
am i the asshole?
| 22,324 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ad9ycy/aita_for_making_a_girl_cry_by_calling_her_fat/
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2019-01-06 21:15:11
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nta don't dish it if you can't take it.
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nta. you held your anger in as long as you could tolerate and she kept pushing your buttons. you never once insulted her before that.
> me: and no guy wants you. the last dick you got was moby dick. fucking whale.
10/10 on this part
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esh. she's the bigger fuckwad, but you could have just told her to stop, because nobody asked for her opinion on your posture. one backroast is enough. i can relate that staying cool in this kind of situation is really hard, though still possible.
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esh cos neither of you where justified in your actions but god damn what a fucking roast machine you seem to be. moby dick... haven't laughed this hard all week. thank you!
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nta. you shouldn't apologize. she obviously wasn't joking. why she be so sensitive when it's dishes back to her.
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nta, too bad for her. i love when people act like you should just sit there and shut up when someone is going off on you with insults and belittlement. what happened to standing up to bullies? people think it's cute to mock people for things they think are "safe" like being tall or skinny ("hurrrr no one gets bullied for being skinny so it's all in good fun!!") without realizing those people often have to put up with a lot of shit too. as a general rule of thumb, making "jokes" about someones body is a dick move, and she wasn't even making jokes she was just being an asshole.
if she's going to insult you multiple times, she needs to stop playing the victim when she gets a taste of her own medicine. don't apologize, you did nothing wrong.
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esh. i think the classiest response would have been to excuse yourself and go home. the act of exiting would have communicated clearly that she’d gone too far and become offensive. it also would have made it clear that you could’ve responded at any time but instead chose to take the high ground.
you never know how loud someone really is until you have silence for comparison. the same is true with vulgar behavior.
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esh. you'd be in the clear if you'd told her to stop, but since you waded in the shit with her you both stink.
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nta.
don't start no shit, won't be no shit. or more politely, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
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nta and you are also my hero!!
i'm a skinny chick and have been thin my entire life. i hate when people think they can go off like this because you're thin. no one likes their weight talked about negatively, *no one*.
i usually grit my teeth and bear it but oh my gosh i love you. you gave her back exactly what she was giving you and i hope she learns something for it. i don't think she will, but i hope she does.
i'm 100% sure she's going to play the victim and make you out to be the asshole, but i'm telling you now you are not. if you ever forget please feel free to message me and i'll remind you, not only are you not an asshole but you are my freaking queen!
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NTA
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NTA
|
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: so a couple of girls in my college friend group have a roommate called “jan”. i am acquainted with her and we never really had any problems, we actually made quite a good beer pong duo. i’m a tall and lanky male at 6’1 and 155lbs. jan is a white chick on the heavier-side. recently, we had a watch party at jan’s apartment for the michigan football bowl game where our friends were all having a good time getting pretty tipsy. my buddy and i were talking about whether our qb should declare for the draft or return. i said “i sure hope he comes back, dylan (our backup qb) is still young and is still pretty scrawny.” jan has a huge crush on dylan and didn’t appreciate that i called him skinny. this caused her to go on a drunken tirade saying “what makes you think that you can call him skinny when you’re literally built of twigs?” “you would die playing football. tbh i don’t think you could even lift a helmet!” at first, i took it on the chin, had a chuckle about it, and poked back a bit. i usually got my leg pulled about my physique but i never took it personally. until she started making it personal. “look at you, you’re like one of those starving african kids on those tv commercials” (i’m brown but not african) “that’s why dylan is a chick-magnet and [my ex] dumped you. you look malnourished” she kept going and now i was beginning to boil. i wasn’t even responding at this point, just biting my tongue. but then i snapped. her: “go lift some weights. it’s okay no one will judge you if you can only curl 5 pounds.” me: “if you could tell me what your current diet is, i’m sure i’ll put on weight in no time.” *silence* her: “what are you trying to say?” me: “i’m saying that if i’m a malnourished african then you could be on the biggest loser. and i’m pretty certain you wouldn’t win.” her: “no wonder [ex] didn’t want you. go fuck yourself.” me: “and no guy wants you. the last dick you got was moby dick. fucking whale.” at this point she was in tears, make-up running and everything. her chick friends helped her into a bedroom to comfort her while looking back at me with a death glare. since this was at jan’s place, i figured i should leave (michigan was getting slaughtered at this point anyways). i finished my beer and left. i got a facetime from one of my friends who is jan’s roommate. she urged me to apologize because she was just playing around and i went too far. i didn’t feel that way and i don’t want to apologize. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: so a couple of girls in my college friend group have a roommate called “jan”. i am acquainted with her and we never really had any problems, we actually made quite a good beer pong duo. i’m a tall and lanky male at 6’1 and 155lbs. jan is a white chick on the heavier-side. recently, we had a watch party at jan’s apartment for the michigan football bowl game where our friends were all having a good time getting pretty tipsy. my buddy and i were talking about whether our qb should declare for the draft or return. i said “i sure hope he comes back, dylan (our backup qb) is still young and is still pretty scrawny.” jan has a huge crush on dylan and didn’t appreciate that i called him skinny. this caused her to go on a drunken tirade saying “what makes you think that you can call him skinny when you’re literally built of twigs?” “you would die playing football. tbh i don’t think you could even lift a helmet!” at first, i took it on the chin, had a chuckle about it, and poked back a bit. i usually got my leg pulled about my physique but i never took it personally. until she started making it personal. “look at you, you’re like one of those starving african kids on those tv commercials” (i’m brown but not african) “that’s why dylan is a chick-magnet and [my ex] dumped you. you look malnourished” she kept going and now i was beginning to boil. i wasn’t even responding at this point, just biting my tongue. but then i snapped. her: “go lift some weights. it’s okay no one will judge you if you can only curl 5 pounds.” me: “if you could tell me what your current diet is, i’m sure i’ll put on weight in no time.” *silence* her: “what are you trying to say?” me: “i’m saying that if i’m a malnourished african then you could be on the biggest loser. and i’m pretty certain you wouldn’t win.” her: “no wonder [ex] didn’t want you. go fuck yourself.” me: “and no guy wants you. the last dick you got was moby dick. fucking whale.” at this point she was in tears, make-up running and everything. her chick friends helped her into a bedroom to comfort her while looking back at me with a death glare. since this was at jan’s place, i figured i should leave (michigan was getting slaughtered at this point anyways). i finished my beer and left. i got a facetime from one of my friends who is jan’s roommate. she urged me to apologize because she was just playing around and i went too far. i didn’t feel that way and i don’t want to apologize. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta don't dish it if you can't take it. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to go to my brother's wedding because my stepson isn't invited?
|
i (m28) have been with my fiancee (f30) for a year an a half. i have a stepson (4) that i adore and treat as my own.
my older brother's wedding is soon. i was intending on going but after i found out that my stepson was not invited, we started having issues. my brother explained that it's the nature of the wedding they chose which is child free but my fiancee was upset that this rule was forced on family as well. she got into arguments with my brother and his fiancee and ended up deciding to not go to the wedding. as a result i called my brother and told i no longer want to come after what happened. he began arguing saying my fiancee is the one being unreasonable and now has "convinced" me to miss his wedding. i told him that this is just me supporting my family after the way he and his fiancee treated them. his fiancee said they don't owe us anything and that this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone. i said "fine then i'm not coming". my brother is pissed my parents are calling me unreasonable for being willing to miss my only sibling's wedding and basically let a woman i've only known for a year an half drive a wedge between us. they said if i go through with this then i might lose my brother, who's my support and comfort forever, and so much damage and hurt will come out of this.
i stopped responding to them but members of extended family are saying that me and my fiancee are creating the problem trying to control my brother's wedding.
| 11,085 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4j7te/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding/
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2022-11-25 17:38:58
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yta. welp i'm sure your brother was going to find out how little you care about him sooner or later. i hope he remembers and acts accordingly.
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yta as well as your fiancee who is an entitled manipulative woman.
i suspect that your brother will experience \*massive\* schadenfreude at the shenanigans that your future bridezilla will pull if she is this entitled about a child free wedding that - gasp - excludes a child.
not even a shade of gray - if the \*child\* were a teenager then perhaps it might be different. but a four year old is exactly the reason that people have child free weddings because what four year old would be perfectly behaved through a ceremony and not cause havoc at a reception. most four year olds do not react well to strange loud situations especially when their schedules are out of whack - between travel time; the ceremony, the noise; the people, the lack of rest and nap time - all of this inevitably results in some form of breakdown.
|
yta.
it’s their wedding, they make the rules. they are perfectly entitled for their day to be child free.
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yta 🤣 feel free to stay home. it will probably be better without you. but this situation is completely your fiance's doing and is meant to drive a wedge between you and your family. your almost-stepson is not being excluded because he's not technically family (which would be a completely valid reason to skip the wedding.) it's because he's still a child and there will not be any children at the wedding.
|
yta
i am sorry but childfree means childfree and: a 4 year old will be bored to hell and beyond during a wedding, especially if they're the only one
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your brother is allowed to have a child free wedding and you’re allowed not to go if you aren’t able to bring who you’d like. however your fiancée is ta for demanding special treatment from people she has barely known a year. you will be ta if you allow her entitled behavior to drive a wedge between you and your family.
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yta. child free wedding means no children.
your kid is not an exception.
and expecting them to be is incredibly entitled.
|
yta , just one question did ur fiancee asked not to attend the wedding or this is on your own u have decided.. either ur still the at...
its ur brothers wedding he and his too be wife get to decide wat kind of the wedding they want.. let be childfree..its not like they specifically dont want ur step kid .... its a rule applied in. general for all
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yta it's a childfree wedding. your fiance's son is not an exception just because you and your fiance throw a tantrum.
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yta. help me understand what role you think a tiny four-year-old plays in a wedding. check all that apply.
__ is very quiet during meaningful ceremonies that
involve content he can’t possibly understand.
__ loves to sit still at long dinner receptions where
expensive adult food is served.
__ frequently engages in adult conversation.
__ allows the invited parent to celebrate the couple
late into the evening because he doesn’t require
constant supervision.
hmm, that’s right. this is an event for loved ones to celebrate someone’s marriage; not a family party.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m28) have been with my fiancee (f30) for a year an a half. i have a stepson (4) that i adore and treat as my own. my older brother's wedding is soon. i was intending on going but after i found out that my stepson was not invited, we started having issues. my brother explained that it's the nature of the wedding they chose which is child free but my fiancee was upset that this rule was forced on family as well. she got into arguments with my brother and his fiancee and ended up deciding to not go to the wedding. as a result i called my brother and told i no longer want to come after what happened. he began arguing saying my fiancee is the one being unreasonable and now has "convinced" me to miss his wedding. i told him that this is just me supporting my family after the way he and his fiancee treated them. his fiancee said they don't owe us anything and that this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone. i said "fine then i'm not coming". my brother is pissed my parents are calling me unreasonable for being willing to miss my only sibling's wedding and basically let a woman i've only known for a year an half drive a wedge between us. they said if i go through with this then i might lose my brother, who's my support and comfort forever, and so much damage and hurt will come out of this. i stopped responding to them but members of extended family are saying that me and my fiancee are creating the problem trying to control my brother's wedding.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m28) have been with my fiancee (f30) for a year an a half. i have a stepson (4) that i adore and treat as my own. my older brother's wedding is soon. i was intending on going but after i found out that my stepson was not invited, we started having issues. my brother explained that it's the nature of the wedding they chose which is child free but my fiancee was upset that this rule was forced on family as well. she got into arguments with my brother and his fiancee and ended up deciding to not go to the wedding. as a result i called my brother and told i no longer want to come after what happened. he began arguing saying my fiancee is the one being unreasonable and now has "convinced" me to miss his wedding. i told him that this is just me supporting my family after the way he and his fiancee treated them. his fiancee said they don't owe us anything and that this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone. i said "fine then i'm not coming". my brother is pissed my parents are calling me unreasonable for being willing to miss my only sibling's wedding and basically let a woman i've only known for a year an half drive a wedge between us. they said if i go through with this then i might lose my brother, who's my support and comfort forever, and so much damage and hurt will come out of this. i stopped responding to them but members of extended family are saying that me and my fiancee are creating the problem trying to control my brother's wedding. [/INST] yta. welp i'm sure your brother was going to find out how little you care about him sooner or later. i hope he remembers and acts accordingly. </s>
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AITA for allowing two teenagers to be spit on by a llama?
|
i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama.
i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off.
now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson.
the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it.
finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in.
to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up.
aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.
| 31,805 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyt2nl/aita_for_allowing_two_teenagers_to_be_spit_on_by/
|
2019-09-02 18:40:40
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nta
dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson
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esh.
they were warned. they deserved to be spat on and i wouldn’t fault you for allowing it to happen.
it was incredibly cruel to keep them out of the washrooms. what could have been a lesson for them will just turn into an anecdote about the crazy petting zoo guy who wouldn’t let them clean themselves. they now have someone else to focus on/blame for the odor.
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esh, you're not the asshole for letting the llama spit on the teenagers, but you're kind of an asshole for not stepping in on the llamas behalf as they were antagonizing it. that llama has very little autonomy and depends on the workers at the peering zoo to keep it safe. llamas rarely spit on humans, a llama who is socialized properly won't ever do that unless there is a baby or it is feeling very very threatened. that poor llama had to do this as a last resort because of how uncomfortable it was. you owe more to these animals you are taking care of.
source: i trained llamas as a hobby for ~7 years
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esh. they got what they deserved for annoying an animal. locking the bathroom was a dick move though.
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esh - definately not asshole to let the llama spit on them as you tried to warn them but refusing them the bathroom was unnecessary and tips it for me.
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esh. i work in a zoo. every day i see people antagonize animals, so this is a situation i’m personally familiar with. yeah, the teens are assholes for pestering the llama, but you’re also the asshole for allowing it to continue so long that the llama felt the need to spit defensively. you should have asked them to leave or gotten a supervisor/security to do so. it was also an asshole move to lock the bathroom. i understand your moral point of view, but getting them kicked out of the petting zoo would have been a better, non-asshole punishment and would have saved the poor llama from more undue stress.
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esh. you warned these two assholes that llamas spit in self-defense. heck, the llama even gave a warning spit before unleashing the nasty. you're not an a-hole for that. you are an a-hole for not letting them use the bathroom to clean up. surely plenty of people have washed the smell of wild animals off their skin after petting them.
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nta. they didn't listen to you. it's fully their fault and you warned them - if you told someone not to stand near the edge of a cliff but they did anyway and fell it wouldn't be your fault so this isn't either.
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yta for a couple of reasons. firstly, you work at the petting zoo, presumably your job is to ensure the safety and well being of both the animals and the visitors. by letting the kids antagonize a llama you were derelict in your duty to the animal, and by letting them get spit on, you were derelict in your duty to the visitors.
secondly you were a double asshole for not letting them wash up knowing how long the stuff would sink in. especially after my first point, that was obnoxiously petty to do so.
&#x200b;
if you were my employee i would be considering giving you a written warning for this sort of thing.
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esh. i am sure the child failed to tell her parents that she was tormenting the poor animal. you should have thrown them out when the llama made his warning spit indicating that he was in distress.
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NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
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ESH
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ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.361272 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work at a petting zoo here, and this weekend we had two teenager (around 16, boyfriend and girlfriend) who were antagonizing a llama. i told them "you might want to cut that out! llamas spit in self-defense." but they kind of laughed my warning off. now, i knew that llama spit was a whole lot worse than they probably thought it was. but i decided not to tell them about that. i figured if they persisted, i'd trust the llama to teach them a lesson. the llama was being patient. at one point it gave them a "warning spit" (just saliva) and they went "eww" and laughed about it and brushed it off, and then kept going at it. finally, the llama had enough...and unleashed its green, defensive spit that llamas are known for. it got the girl square in the face. she dropped to her knees and started retching, and eventually threw up. her boyfriend was gagging and ran away, towards the building that i was in. to make things worse for them, i didn't even let them come in to wash up in the petting zoo's only bathroom! it was a slow day, so i just locked the doors. i told them i didn't want that smell inside, and made them leave the farm without washing up. aita? the girl's parents called me the next day and yelled at me saying that was too harsh. maybe it was...i knew that if you don't wash out llama spit right away the smell sinks into your skin and becomes extremely hard to remove, but i wanted the lesson to sink in as well. [/INST] nta dumb kids got what they deserved and hopefully learned a life lesson </s>
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AITA for telling my son that I would not stop inviting his ex to family functions?
| 28,297 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uhnsjd/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_i_would_not_stop/
|
2022-05-03 19:26:52
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nta
his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it.
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nta
he's divorcing her. you aren't.
he and his fiancée can act like adults for a few hours during family functions, and be polite. the ex can do likewise.
since the ex has near-full custody of the kids, cutting her out would mean cutting off your grandkids. they've been through enough thanks to your son's irresponsibility. they don't need to lose their grandparents as well.
and if your son, and his fiancée, were decent people, they'd be glad to go to family functions where his ex brought the kids, because it would give him extra time to see his kids.
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nta, tell your son he can leave his midlife crisis at home, i can’t imagine it’s comfortable for your grandchildren’s mother either and unlike the affair partner she didn’t make the choice to be in this situation. people are supposed to feel uncomfortable for doing shitty things.
edit omg y’all are cute thanks, wasn’t expecting awards for common sense statements
edit 2 ok pls stop giving this awards, don’t they cost real money?
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nta, my dad also had an affair with a much younger woman and expected his parents to completely cut my mum out of their lives after 20 years.
they’ve been divorced 10+ years now and my mum takes care of his parents because he moved abroad. they have dinner together every second sunday, she does their shopping for them, during covid she did basically everything for them and i know how thankful they are to have her in their lives. we live an hour away from them and she makes that drive any time they need something.
your family is who you want it to be, and if you want her around even if it’s just for the grandkids she’ll appreciate not being tossed aside by you too.
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nta. i think it’s extremely admirable that you’re still including her and not writing her off completely as many in-laws do after separations/divorces. she is very lucky to have you in her life.
your son is acting very selfishly and not considering what’s in the best interest of his children. he’s prioritizing a woman over his own children and he needs a wake up call. **you are doing the right thing.**
this is honestly refreshing because this sub is usually filled with nightmare stories of evil in-laws.
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your son is an asshole. he doesn’t want his ex there because he wants to erase the shitty thing he did to a good woman, having her there will always put a spotlight on it. he should have thought of that before cheating. your son is an immature child that doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions and expects the world to coddle him. you dil is way better without him, and you would be too. at least she brings your grandkids around, what’s he bringing to the table?
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nta. your son has made this situation and needs to deal with it. if his new partner didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation, she shouldn’t have got engaged to a man who cheated on and then left his wife for her.
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nta. i’m a child of a divorced family where my father had the affair. i wish you were my grandparent. my grandparents were never rude to my mom, but it was different enough to the point you’d think she was the one who had the affair. you’re good for still including her. it would put a strain on the relationship with your grandchildren if you start to treat the parent that was the victim of the affair differently.
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nta. you are allowed to see your grandkids and their mother at the functions that you host. the 23-y-o fiancée is the one who is reportedly uncomfortable; so the issue and the fix are with her. she can either chill and get more comfortable (much better for everyone in the long run if they are at least civil with each-other) or not attend your family events. your son has to stop acting like a fool.
|
of course you’re still mad at him! hell, i’m mad at him and i don’t even know him.
your son and his side piece don’t get to decide who you invite to gatherings at your home or elsewhere, op. he’s ta, but you knew that already.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta his fiance should be uncomfortable. she deserves it. </s>
|
|
AITA for asking my husband to listen to my podcast?
|
honestly i do think i'm the asshole here but i'll tell y'all the whole story.
i run a small podcast. i'm not going to reveal any information about the podcast except for the fact that it's about books. i do a lot of work for this podcast (reading, preparing, booking guests, editing, etc). i don't make any money off of it but i really enjoy doing it and it makes day to day life a lot more fulfilling.
my husband has been supportive. he helped me make music for the show, designed my first logo, and for my birthday even ordered keychains and stuff with the current logo on it. but he has never listened to the show.
his reasons are twofold. one is that he doesn't really read books and so the subject matter doesn't interest him. the second is that he claims he gets an anxiety over hearing me talk because he has extreme public speaking anxiety and he sometimes sees me as an extension of himself and feels the same anxiety. i don't completely understand it but there's that.
well, for a while i accepted it until the other day when i borrowed his ipad and clicked apple podcasts to see if there were any new reviews. i saw the page for my show and it said "not interested anymore?" and a thing saying it stopped downloading episodes to this device.
something about that just broke my heart and i started crying. i don't get a lot of listeners for this show. it's mostly just friends and family, and my husband isn't one of them. i know he supports the show in other ways though. so when he asked why i was crying i asked him "why won't you just try my show? you listen to hours and hours of youtube and podcasts every day and you're not always into those topics, but you won't listen to my show?"
he claims i'm trying to guilt him into listening and i suppose i was, but i just felt so shitty. aita?
| 4,648 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nsunng/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_listen_to_my_podcast/
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2021-06-05 12:26:02
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yta. you shouldn't be trying to guilt him into listening, especially when he's given you perfectly valid reasons why he doesn't. he could feel uncomfortable listening to you speaking publicly (due to his anxiety) without it affecting his ability to listen to random strangers.
why is it so important to you that he makes himself uncomfortable just to boost your listener numbers when you already said he supports you in other ways?
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yta - he's helpful, he's supported you, he's just not interested in the topic.
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nah. it can be rough when someone you love isn't as into something as you are, but he is as supportive as he can be, while still maintaining his boundaries, and he openly and honestly expressed that to you. it is understandable why you are upset, but it seems from your description that he is trying in many other ways to support you and your interests.
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nah.
damn, people are really going off on you. i can totally understand being disappointed that he can’t/won’t see the final product that you’ve put so much heart and soul into.
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yta. your husband has been super supportive and doesn't need to listen to the finished product. i also assume he's getting a lot of the info that will be on the podcast before you record it, as this is something you're passionate about so you probably talk about it. turn the tables for a moment. if he streamed himself playing video games regularly, would you watch all of them, or just be a supportive spouse and let him have his thing?
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nah if he really does have this anxiety. your feelings are real and it's natural to feel upset and express them to your husband, but you also say he's being supportive in other ways, which seems to be the most important thing. even if he did listen to your podcast, that wouldn't change the low download rate.
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i’m going against the grain and saying nta. i also have a book podcast and have done a movie one in the past. i get that not everyone is interested, and that’s cool.
but the fact that he hasn’t even tried to listen at all—i can absolutely understand why that would be upsetting.
and i also don’t think it’s fair how he’s trying to make you responsible for his own anxiety. he can’t listen to you speak in a public format because he gets anxious about public speaking? he sees you as an extension of himself? i don’t think either of those things are healthy and he needs to find treatment for his anxiety.
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i have to say nta. i was a bit conflicted and asked my husband his opinon on this and he said this was like your so being a hobby singer or actor and never going to one of their shows. soon as i heard that scenario i have to agree. some hobbies are simply such a big part of some people's identity they need their so to take a big part/interest in them.
i wonder if you would have preferred he listen to one of your podcast's over the help he has given you making them?
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yta
you are being unreasonable.
your husband is not responsible for making your own hobbies feel worthwhile to you!!
if you don’t enjoy making the podcast or feel that it’s worth the effort, stop doing it. don’t blame your husband for not convincing you otherwise.
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nah you’re allowed to feel disappointed and hurt, your feelings are valid. this is something you’re passionate about and while your husband is being supportive in so many other ways, it’s not the same as him hearing the finished product. it would be like if you were an artist, your husband supported you by buying art books, paint brushes, etc, but refused to look at the painting because of “xyz reason”. its just a different kind of support and probably the one you crave more.
i understand your husband has anxiety and that is perfectly valid too. if he truly can’t do it, you need to accept that. but has he at least tried to listen to at least one podcast?
neither of you are the ah but this seems really important to you and y’all should talk it out in a calmer setting. i have horrible anxiety in certain social situations, but i’m willing to try and leave if i need to. your husband could try to listen to one podcast and if he’s uncomfortable, he can always stop listening. simple as that.
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.83666 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: honestly i do think i'm the asshole here but i'll tell y'all the whole story. i run a small podcast. i'm not going to reveal any information about the podcast except for the fact that it's about books. i do a lot of work for this podcast (reading, preparing, booking guests, editing, etc). i don't make any money off of it but i really enjoy doing it and it makes day to day life a lot more fulfilling. my husband has been supportive. he helped me make music for the show, designed my first logo, and for my birthday even ordered keychains and stuff with the current logo on it. but he has never listened to the show. his reasons are twofold. one is that he doesn't really read books and so the subject matter doesn't interest him. the second is that he claims he gets an anxiety over hearing me talk because he has extreme public speaking anxiety and he sometimes sees me as an extension of himself and feels the same anxiety. i don't completely understand it but there's that. well, for a while i accepted it until the other day when i borrowed his ipad and clicked apple podcasts to see if there were any new reviews. i saw the page for my show and it said "not interested anymore?" and a thing saying it stopped downloading episodes to this device. something about that just broke my heart and i started crying. i don't get a lot of listeners for this show. it's mostly just friends and family, and my husband isn't one of them. i know he supports the show in other ways though. so when he asked why i was crying i asked him "why won't you just try my show? you listen to hours and hours of youtube and podcasts every day and you're not always into those topics, but you won't listen to my show?" he claims i'm trying to guilt him into listening and i suppose i was, but i just felt so shitty. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
honestly i do think i'm the asshole here but i'll tell y'all the whole story. i run a small podcast. i'm not going to reveal any information about the podcast except for the fact that it's about books. i do a lot of work for this podcast (reading, preparing, booking guests, editing, etc). i don't make any money off of it but i really enjoy doing it and it makes day to day life a lot more fulfilling. my husband has been supportive. he helped me make music for the show, designed my first logo, and for my birthday even ordered keychains and stuff with the current logo on it. but he has never listened to the show. his reasons are twofold. one is that he doesn't really read books and so the subject matter doesn't interest him. the second is that he claims he gets an anxiety over hearing me talk because he has extreme public speaking anxiety and he sometimes sees me as an extension of himself and feels the same anxiety. i don't completely understand it but there's that. well, for a while i accepted it until the other day when i borrowed his ipad and clicked apple podcasts to see if there were any new reviews. i saw the page for my show and it said "not interested anymore?" and a thing saying it stopped downloading episodes to this device. something about that just broke my heart and i started crying. i don't get a lot of listeners for this show. it's mostly just friends and family, and my husband isn't one of them. i know he supports the show in other ways though. so when he asked why i was crying i asked him "why won't you just try my show? you listen to hours and hours of youtube and podcasts every day and you're not always into those topics, but you won't listen to my show?" he claims i'm trying to guilt him into listening and i suppose i was, but i just felt so shitty. aita? [/INST] yta. you shouldn't be trying to guilt him into listening, especially when he's given you perfectly valid reasons why he doesn't. he could feel uncomfortable listening to you speaking publicly (due to his anxiety) without it affecting his ability to listen to random strangers. why is it so important to you that he makes himself uncomfortable just to boost your listener numbers when you already said he supports you in other ways? </s>
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AITA for doing weird/awkward poses whenever my MIL "accidently" walks in on me in the bathroom?
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so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas.
the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week.
she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!.
we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5.
so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.
edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
| 36,942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3jp34/aita_for_doing_weirdawkward_poses_whenever_my_mil/
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2022-11-24 13:16:12
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nta.
you went the funny way and that's dope.
your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in?
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wait....
so he's mad at you because she barges in on you in the bathroom... in your home... that she is a guest in?
but-
gets mad at you for weirding her out and causing her 'grief'?
what 😂😂😂 um. it's her fault. she should be knocking and not acting like no one lives there and it's her own house.
girl. go get some jelly. red if you can. and smother it on your face and when she walks in. eat it like a caveman. then when your husband asks.... you was stress eating. 😂😂
nta.
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humor her
stop posing, but look at your watch seriously while facing the door like you’re waiting for a kid after curfew.
then sigh disappointedly and shake your head “14 seconds mil. that’s terrible. you will need to do better”
alternatively- shove a towel under the door
nta
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tell them your ritual is to summon mil to the bathroom and it's working every time. nta
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nta. who opens a closed bathroom door? your mil is such an asshole. this is the weirdest power play to continually walk in on you in the bathroom. your next pose should be facing the door giving her two middle fingers
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walking in on somebody doing a ballet pose in the bathroom is "terrifying", but barging in on your dil and making eye contact while she squeezes out a dookie after being told repeatedly not to barge into the bathroom is normal behaviour?
getting real sick of these spineless partners who can't stand up to their moms.
nta.
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nta. i would just wait with my phone and take a picture of her as she barges in. post it on fb with “mil walking in on me in the bathroom again lol!” “i don’t know, she just always does it!”
keep it light. you don’t have to shame her. others will.
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nta. your hubby is full of crap! that's an inventive and humorous way of dealing with his creeper of a mother. you're all adults. most adults know when the bathroom door is shut not to go in!
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nta, although you really might want to go to therapy about the no locks thing, because this situation would have been *infinitely* simpler if you could've just done that. nonetheless, your mil needs to learn to knock. more importantly, your *husband* needs to quit making excuses for why mil hasn't started knocking yet and tell her to quit barging in on you if she doesn't want to see things she isn't supposed to see.
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this is a great funny type of revenge you gave me a good chuckly
you are nta
however maybe you should get therapy about locking a door, not just for this but at least you can put issues behind you then
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, my mil (i'm a gal btw lol) came to stay with us for few weeks til her home is renovated for christmas. the problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while i'm in the bathroom. thankfully not once has she seen me naked because i started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. she'd barge in, then turns and says "oh sorry" then close the door. i tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me then flatout said "so what if she accidently seen you naked? she's faaaammmillly!!". he seriously said that!. we have a lock and i could've used it but i have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when i was 5. so i came up with this idea. i'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? it's deliberate at the this point). when she "accidently" barges in she'd see me in a weird/awkward position. for example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course). i could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she'd stand there for few seconds trying to figure out what i was doing. it was halirious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming "she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom". i cleared things up and revealed the reason why. my husband was livid. he called me childish and said that i made his mom feel "terrified/weirded out" by my behavior. he said i should've acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games. edit. lol. um what? i just came back on here and saw literally 1000s? of people? omg now i feel embarrassed glad i went anonymous lol. but seriously...i'm looking at my screen and am like ....i'm famous? seriously though...my husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. he still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. i'm not sure if i will apologize because yes while it was a "me problem" that i couldn't use the lock. it's still feels wrong what she did and maybe i'm wrong too but at least i got (so did you apparently lol) a bit of a chuckle out of it 😅🤣 also, i'm sure thanksgiving dinner will hella awkward tomorrow. especially after what happened. lol. [/INST] nta. you went the funny way and that's dope. your husband, however, is an asshole. he expects you to be mature about it, but he doesn't expect his mother to knock on the fucking door before walking in? </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend's vodka after smashing it?
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i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do.
fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce.
pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship.
he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's.
he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years.
we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita?
| 10,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zt2hsu/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_boyfriends_vodka/
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2022-12-23 01:06:38
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yta. adults use their mouths to communicate. “hey i’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. i thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.”
you went “me no likey me go smash smash”.
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yta. there is no alcohol remaining in the food so he was not "lacing your food". of course you can ask him not to make that dish in the future if it triggers you. still, you destroyed someone else's property and you need to make restitution.
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yta
i understand how you feel about it, but breaking the bottle was an inappropriate action. you've obviously not been set back in your recovery by consuming a trace amount of alcohol in cooked food. if he really thought this was ok, he wasn't being malicious. you can set this as a boundary going ahead if you make it through this conflict, but you were out of line to break the bottle.
as a general rule, when loved ones upset us, breaking things, punching walls, or otherwise physically venting temper in destructive ways is not a good thing.
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info: so for the last 30 times hes made you the dish, youve never been in the kitchen?
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this reads like a person imagining how a recovering alcoholic would act like.
"it still bothers you" that he drinks with his friends? really? stop it.
yta. no, you can't just knock over a bottle of alcohol in someone else's house and expect not to pay for it. and no, cooking with alcohol doesn't "lace" your food with it. for a supposed "recovering alcoholic", you know very little about the substance itself.
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yta - you break it, you bought it.
also for the "lacing my food for years" comment. settle down.
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kudos to you on being a recovering alcoholic. that takes a lot of strength and courage.
but in this case, yta although i understand your emotional response. many people put vodka in pasta sauce -- it's called tomato vodka sauce. the alcohol does boil away. whenever you cook with alcohol, unless you add it at the very end, it boils away.
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yta big time - you do realize that there are recipes made with alcohol, and the alcohol goes away when its cooked. rum cake for example cant get you drunk unless you pour rum after baking it. yes - you definitely need to pay for that. i can understand you being alcohol-recovering
, but that does not give you the right to break a bottle for a reason like that. thats like you going up to a stranger at a restaurant and breaking their margerita glass cuz you didnt want it in your presence. also, that would be the same as you destroying a rum cake, which is a very good cake because of the rum flavor that doesnt come from the alcohol itself
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i hope you never have any baked goods because extracts like vanilla extract are made with alcohol. i'm not saying he was in the right, but it's not like you never have food with alcohol in it.
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yta. hi! recovering alcoholic here. two years alcohol free.
you're an adult. you know not to smash things when you're angry. you know that when you drop glass on the ground it breaks.
you know that your recovery and your triggers are your responsibility. you know that your boyfriend, who respects you and cares for you, would not intentionally trigger you or cause a relapse. you haven't relapsed from the vodka sauce, so you know whatever amount he was using it wasn't enough to affect you.
i know it's hard. i can imagine that whirlwind of emotions, that feeling like all your progress didn't matter at all, like he'd stolen a year and a half sober from you and didn't give a shit. but your progress **did** matter and your time sober was **not** stolen from you. i think if it were me, i would apologize.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do. fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (26f) have been with my boyfriend sean (25m) for about a year and a half. it's been great, but i let him know from the outset that i was a recovering alcoholic. he had no problem with that, and he still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. it still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, i can't tell him what to do. fast forward to last sunday, and we're at his apartment. i come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. i didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce. pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. he said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but i think that would be something i would very much remember, and i got a little angry. i knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. he's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand. i told him that i wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. we haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends, and i'm still refusing. aita? [/INST] yta. adults use their mouths to communicate. “hey i’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. i thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.” you went “me no likey me go smash smash”. </s>
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AITA for telling my student he cannot write about me in his college application essays and for sharing his practice essay with his father?
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i have been tutoring (part-time) a student since he was in 8th grade and he will be applying for college in the fall. his dad is paying me additional fees to be his independent college admissions consultant, so i have been helping him assemble a competitive college admissions portfolio. for a practice exercise last week, i asked him to write an essay describing an unusual life experience and how the experience transformed him.
now, i have known for a couple years that he is hostile towards me. however, i've known him since he was in junior high and i feel a deep sense of obligation to see him through this stressful experience. the reason he despises me is that he blames me for his parents' acrimonious divorce a couple years ago, even though i had nothing to do with the long-broken relationship that ended inevitably in dissolution. being a hormonal teenager, my student unilaterally decided i'm the villain without understanding how deeply flawed his parents' marriage was before i even came into the picture. despite working with a child psychologist for over two years now, he continues to reflexively blame me for the perceived problems in his life.
i read his practice essay this past weekend. he decided to write about his parents' divorce, featuring me as the villain. the theme of the essay was family betrayal. i sat him down (on zoom) and reasoned with him, because he is old enough for me to give him a much-needed dose of reality.
first, i expected him to take the assignment seriously. second, parental divorce is an unoriginal topic - half of married couples divorce. third, the essay was focused entirely on his sense of betrayal, without discussion of any personal insight or growth from the experience, compounding the banality of his unserious attempt. i told him if an admissions officer wanted to waste her time reading this drivel, she could just watch histrionic teens complaining on youtube. his essay is the written equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum when placed on time-out, without any of the lessons learned from the punishment
i made it clear that he is not to talk about me in his admissions essays. i also told him i would share his essay with his father (since his father is paying for the service) with my concerns. after reading the essay, his father warned him he is not allowed to discuss the divorce or me in his application essays, unless he wants to pay for college and room and board by himself. i also suggested to his father to share the essay with his child psychologist, where discussion of the content would be more appropriate. my student stopped attending our zoom meetings. when i texted him, he replied with vile gifs and memes. i'm sort of at the end of my ropes with him, even though i am deeply invested in his success. i just wish he can see that.
| 3,628 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gw69q8/aita_for_telling_my_student_he_cannot_write_about/
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2020-06-04 00:19:18
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yta for leaving out the fact that you were romantically involved with the father. no wonder the kid hates you and blames you for the divorce!
why didn't you include this in your original post?
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yta.
yta for taking this job when you have a pre-existing, negative relationship with this student. it doesn't matter whether or not his father wanted you to take it, you (unlike this poor boy) are an adult. you had the option to refuse on grounds of professional ethics. you should not have even considered taking this job! how could you possibly think that a student who loathes you and blames you for his parents divorce could possibly be helped by you?
yta for saying "i told him if an admissions officer wanted to waste her time reading this drivel, she could just watch histrionic teens complaining on youtube." this is not useful feedback; it's needlessly cruel and unhelpful.
yta for "i made it clear that he is not to talk about me in his admissions essays." do you have any right to decide this? i'm not american, so i cannot say if you have a legal/practical right to make this claim, but you certainly don't have a moral one.
yta for showing the essay to his father not because you want him to get further therapy or because you were concerned that the essay wouldn't help him get into college, but out of vengeful spitefulness to ensure he didn't write on this topic. (his father is also a massive asshole, by the way. enormous. i couldn't decide which of you is worse.)
yta for lying to yourself about being "deeply invested in his success". your entire post comes across as though you resent this child for resenting you, something that's completely reasonable on his part because you've been extremely unprofessional in every possible way here.
yta to such a degree that it's no wonder the kid can't see anything else. i can't, either.
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info i feel like you're leaving out a pretty big part of this story.
did you get romantically involved with the mother or father?
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yta, you slept with his dad, you need to remove yourself from this situation. also dad is an asshole for keeping you on as his tutor.
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so, just to get this all straight, not only did you **have an affair with the student's father,** and obviously in such a way that the student found out, but you are still involved with him, and you didn't think this pertinent information was relevant? yes, yta.
yta for sleeping with a married man, for the obvious conflict of interest, and for not having the self-awareness to even be discrete about it with a child. how did the father's cheating not contribute to the divorce in some manner?? you should have stopped tutoring him a long time ago, especially if you planned to continue to have a sexual relationship with the father. he has every right to hate you.
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not gonna lie, i did laugh a little at you essentially telling him that his essay was unoriginal, naval gazing, and whiney. i used to work in a writing center full of wildly entitled kids whose essays made me cry tears for the future of our society.
that said. yta. omg you were boning his dad while his parents were getting divorced! and then his dad forced him to regularly spend time with you for years against his will?! of course he dislikes you. and tbh him writing that essay was undoubtedly not an earnest attempt at a college essay, and purely done to tell you just that. that kid's got some big ole balls. good for him!
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yta
there are clearly things you are not telling us here. were you the other woman or something?
in any case, even if there's nothing like that, yta for not bowing out of this tutoring relationship a long time ago. you should've explained to his dad about the animosity. you don't seem to care what's best for the kid.
oh, and it's his life and he writes whatever he wants to.
that said, sharing his essay with his dad is ok.
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info
you didn't happen to have an affair with his father, did you? because if you did then his essay and hostility toward you are entirely understandable.
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the fact that you didn't include you slept w his father was a big part of the story.? idk if i can't believe how much you after you stressed the fact they had a bad marriage. you feel guilty clearly bc you can't walk away from the mess you help make. yta for sleeping w a client's dad. after that happened you should have walked away. you allowed yourself to become the villain
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info: do you really lack all common sense? because i am really hoping you are a troll....
yta in either case. you are grossly unprofessional and unethical. you and the father are destroying this young man's sense of family and sense of self.
i hope the young man obliges his father just enough to get his tuition and board paid for and then tells the two of you to piss off...
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YTA
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| 0.041243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been tutoring (part-time) a student since he was in 8th grade and he will be applying for college in the fall. his dad is paying me additional fees to be his independent college admissions consultant, so i have been helping him assemble a competitive college admissions portfolio. for a practice exercise last week, i asked him to write an essay describing an unusual life experience and how the experience transformed him. now, i have known for a couple years that he is hostile towards me. however, i've known him since he was in junior high and i feel a deep sense of obligation to see him through this stressful experience. the reason he despises me is that he blames me for his parents' acrimonious divorce a couple years ago, even though i had nothing to do with the long-broken relationship that ended inevitably in dissolution. being a hormonal teenager, my student unilaterally decided i'm the villain without understanding how deeply flawed his parents' marriage was before i even came into the picture. despite working with a child psychologist for over two years now, he continues to reflexively blame me for the perceived problems in his life. i read his practice essay this past weekend. he decided to write about his parents' divorce, featuring me as the villain. the theme of the essay was family betrayal. i sat him down (on zoom) and reasoned with him, because he is old enough for me to give him a much-needed dose of reality. first, i expected him to take the assignment seriously. second, parental divorce is an unoriginal topic - half of married couples divorce. third, the essay was focused entirely on his sense of betrayal, without discussion of any personal insight or growth from the experience, compounding the banality of his unserious attempt. i told him if an admissions officer wanted to waste her time reading this drivel, she could just watch histrionic teens complaining on youtube. his essay is the written equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum when placed on time-out, without any of the lessons learned from the punishment i made it clear that he is not to talk about me in his admissions essays. i also told him i would share his essay with his father (since his father is paying for the service) with my concerns. after reading the essay, his father warned him he is not allowed to discuss the divorce or me in his application essays, unless he wants to pay for college and room and board by himself. i also suggested to his father to share the essay with his child psychologist, where discussion of the content would be more appropriate. my student stopped attending our zoom meetings. when i texted him, he replied with vile gifs and memes. i'm sort of at the end of my ropes with him, even though i am deeply invested in his success. i just wish he can see that.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been tutoring (part-time) a student since he was in 8th grade and he will be applying for college in the fall. his dad is paying me additional fees to be his independent college admissions consultant, so i have been helping him assemble a competitive college admissions portfolio. for a practice exercise last week, i asked him to write an essay describing an unusual life experience and how the experience transformed him. now, i have known for a couple years that he is hostile towards me. however, i've known him since he was in junior high and i feel a deep sense of obligation to see him through this stressful experience. the reason he despises me is that he blames me for his parents' acrimonious divorce a couple years ago, even though i had nothing to do with the long-broken relationship that ended inevitably in dissolution. being a hormonal teenager, my student unilaterally decided i'm the villain without understanding how deeply flawed his parents' marriage was before i even came into the picture. despite working with a child psychologist for over two years now, he continues to reflexively blame me for the perceived problems in his life. i read his practice essay this past weekend. he decided to write about his parents' divorce, featuring me as the villain. the theme of the essay was family betrayal. i sat him down (on zoom) and reasoned with him, because he is old enough for me to give him a much-needed dose of reality. first, i expected him to take the assignment seriously. second, parental divorce is an unoriginal topic - half of married couples divorce. third, the essay was focused entirely on his sense of betrayal, without discussion of any personal insight or growth from the experience, compounding the banality of his unserious attempt. i told him if an admissions officer wanted to waste her time reading this drivel, she could just watch histrionic teens complaining on youtube. his essay is the written equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum when placed on time-out, without any of the lessons learned from the punishment i made it clear that he is not to talk about me in his admissions essays. i also told him i would share his essay with his father (since his father is paying for the service) with my concerns. after reading the essay, his father warned him he is not allowed to discuss the divorce or me in his application essays, unless he wants to pay for college and room and board by himself. i also suggested to his father to share the essay with his child psychologist, where discussion of the content would be more appropriate. my student stopped attending our zoom meetings. when i texted him, he replied with vile gifs and memes. i'm sort of at the end of my ropes with him, even though i am deeply invested in his success. i just wish he can see that. [/INST] yta for leaving out the fact that you were romantically involved with the father. no wonder the kid hates you and blames you for the divorce! why didn't you include this in your original post? </s>
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AITA for telling my kids to borrow money from their sister, not me?
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i have 4 kids, carmen (32), elisa (28), michael (26), and andrew (21).
carmen and michael are both lower middle class. carmen is a single mom of 2 and works as a nurse. michael and his wife are teachers and are expecting their first child. carmen makes $100k michael and his wife make a little over $100k combined and we live in california near the bay area, where 100k is considered low income.
elisa is a nanny for an extremely rich family. i don't know if she's considered live in because she lives in a separate house but on the same property. she makes $250k per year plus bonuses, doesn't pay for rent or utilities, rarely buys groceries because she always eats with the family, they bought her a brand new car, they pay for her gas, maintenance, all of her medical, dental, vision, etc. is 100% paid for by the family. hell, they even pay for her gym membership and her vacations. she's worked for them for 2 years now and recently bought a rental building in cash. needless to say, she's doing very well for herself.
michael and andrew just asked me for money. michael needs $30k for part of a down payment for a townhouse and andrew wants $10k so he could graduate with no debt. i told them to ask elisa for money, not me, and that she could easily afford to help them out.
elisa called me the other day asking what i said to her brothers because now they're both asking her for money. i told her what i told them and she yelled at me for "volunteering" her to help with her brothers' expenses. i told her that i never said she would help them, i just said that she easily could. she said she doesn't feel comfortable loaning money to family because she doesn't want to risk their relationship if they don't pay her back. i told her it shouldn't be a big deal if they don't pay her back because we know her christmas bonus will be close to double what her brothers want, plus if she says no she could potentially risk her relationship with her brothers because she can afford it.
she hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me since then so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
| 3,596 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ygouyh/aita_for_telling_my_kids_to_borrow_money_from/
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2022-10-29 17:01:22
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yta. you basically reviewed your daughter’s finances and deemed that she can afford to give thousands of dollars to your children…without even speaking to her. you could’ve simply said no to your sons! instead you created family drama among your children! if i was her i wouldn’t share any if my business with you ever again. you seem to hold her success against her…she worked her ass off and made sacrifices to plan for her future. working with wealthy people is exhausting. they are demanding and fickle. kids are work, too. ugh!!!
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yta
beyond what everyone else has said, being a nanny is by definition a time limited job. the kids grow out of needing that level of care. the employer's circumstances change. elisa may never again be so fortunate. she is wisely investing (in the rental property) and preparing for her own future.
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why are you offering up your daughter's money to other people like it's your own? especially for non emergency situations that there are other options for. yta
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yta
this can't be for real, can it? you really sent your children to their sibling for money?
if you can help michael and andrew - help them. if you can't, **tell them you can't**.
it sounds like you resent elisa, don't want to admit that you can't/won't help out your two younger boys, and then fumfered around with "*well, i never said you would help them*" which is a weaselly way to refuse to admit your fault.
you are devious, sneaky and **clearly resent** your successful child and her employers. apologize to her, and either help or don't help your younger kids, but don't sic them and their demands on her. she doesn't deserve to be penalized or dragged down into the crab bucket for what she's doing, though clearly you think she should be.
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yta. you volunteered your daughter to be a bank to two of your kids, then said if she doesn’t loan them her money, it could risk her relationship with them, essentially holding her hostage. you suck.
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yta. who the heck basically offers someone else’s money to other people without even talking with them… because that’s what you did. even if you wont admit it.
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first yta no matter what, you do not volunteer other people for money and then shame/guilt them for being uncomfortable with handing out the money you also are not willing to hand out.
interesting here you've stated everyone's finances but your own btw.
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wow. yta. i'm shocked you even need to ask.
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yta. don’t meddle in your kids’ lives like that. they are individual adults and you no longer have control or oversight over them. michael and andrew don’t need that money from you or elisa - they just need to work harder or adjust their expectations. you volunteered a presumed gift and now you’ve made it awkward when elisa does the smart thing and doesn’t want to loan money to family (who will never pay it back because they are entitled enough to “need” luxuries).
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of course yta.
why on earth should elise give her hard earned money away?
you and the rest of your kids could go do the same job as her and earn the same money, but you choose not too. your choice.
none of you are entitled to a penny that she earns.
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YTA
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| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 4 kids, carmen (32), elisa (28), michael (26), and andrew (21). carmen and michael are both lower middle class. carmen is a single mom of 2 and works as a nurse. michael and his wife are teachers and are expecting their first child. carmen makes $100k michael and his wife make a little over $100k combined and we live in california near the bay area, where 100k is considered low income. elisa is a nanny for an extremely rich family. i don't know if she's considered live in because she lives in a separate house but on the same property. she makes $250k per year plus bonuses, doesn't pay for rent or utilities, rarely buys groceries because she always eats with the family, they bought her a brand new car, they pay for her gas, maintenance, all of her medical, dental, vision, etc. is 100% paid for by the family. hell, they even pay for her gym membership and her vacations. she's worked for them for 2 years now and recently bought a rental building in cash. needless to say, she's doing very well for herself. michael and andrew just asked me for money. michael needs $30k for part of a down payment for a townhouse and andrew wants $10k so he could graduate with no debt. i told them to ask elisa for money, not me, and that she could easily afford to help them out. elisa called me the other day asking what i said to her brothers because now they're both asking her for money. i told her what i told them and she yelled at me for "volunteering" her to help with her brothers' expenses. i told her that i never said she would help them, i just said that she easily could. she said she doesn't feel comfortable loaning money to family because she doesn't want to risk their relationship if they don't pay her back. i told her it shouldn't be a big deal if they don't pay her back because we know her christmas bonus will be close to double what her brothers want, plus if she says no she could potentially risk her relationship with her brothers because she can afford it. she hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me since then so i wanted to know if i was the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have 4 kids, carmen (32), elisa (28), michael (26), and andrew (21). carmen and michael are both lower middle class. carmen is a single mom of 2 and works as a nurse. michael and his wife are teachers and are expecting their first child. carmen makes $100k michael and his wife make a little over $100k combined and we live in california near the bay area, where 100k is considered low income. elisa is a nanny for an extremely rich family. i don't know if she's considered live in because she lives in a separate house but on the same property. she makes $250k per year plus bonuses, doesn't pay for rent or utilities, rarely buys groceries because she always eats with the family, they bought her a brand new car, they pay for her gas, maintenance, all of her medical, dental, vision, etc. is 100% paid for by the family. hell, they even pay for her gym membership and her vacations. she's worked for them for 2 years now and recently bought a rental building in cash. needless to say, she's doing very well for herself. michael and andrew just asked me for money. michael needs $30k for part of a down payment for a townhouse and andrew wants $10k so he could graduate with no debt. i told them to ask elisa for money, not me, and that she could easily afford to help them out. elisa called me the other day asking what i said to her brothers because now they're both asking her for money. i told her what i told them and she yelled at me for "volunteering" her to help with her brothers' expenses. i told her that i never said she would help them, i just said that she easily could. she said she doesn't feel comfortable loaning money to family because she doesn't want to risk their relationship if they don't pay her back. i told her it shouldn't be a big deal if they don't pay her back because we know her christmas bonus will be close to double what her brothers want, plus if she says no she could potentially risk her relationship with her brothers because she can afford it. she hung up on me and hasn't spoken to me since then so i wanted to know if i was the asshole. [/INST] yta. you basically reviewed your daughter’s finances and deemed that she can afford to give thousands of dollars to your children…without even speaking to her. you could’ve simply said no to your sons! instead you created family drama among your children! if i was her i wouldn’t share any if my business with you ever again. you seem to hold her success against her…she worked her ass off and made sacrifices to plan for her future. working with wealthy people is exhausting. they are demanding and fickle. kids are work, too. ugh!!! </s>
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AITA for bluntly telling the people I work with that no, not “everyone in the office” can afford to buy a house?
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my coworkers are usually pretty good to work with. the average salary for them is around 100k+. i’m their administrative assistant and i make about $32k. anyway some of the things they say are kind of weird.
for example this one woman was shocked that i’d never had any of my clothes tailored before. i think they just really caught up in their own reality you know? like in their world everyone is beautiful and skinny and rich with purebred dogs and perfect white teeth.
i was helping organize and someone announced they finally bought their first house. the conversation continued on to them kind of being rude and saying like “i don’t get why people think no one can afford to buy a house, it’s not hard?” and someone was like “yeah i can’t imagine being in my 30s and still renting, i’d feel like such a failure” and they all agreed.
i don’t usually get upset about the shit they’re talking about but i finally had it and was like “i’m 38 and rent, i don’t think i’m a failure”
one of them was like “oh well we weren’t talking about you, it’s just that all these people always go on and on about how it’s impossible to save for a down payment.”
i was just like “yeah, it is pretty hard.”
it was obvious the whole atmosphere in the room changed so i was like “anyway” and got up and left to the main office to get back to work. later on one of the other women in the office came up and was like “hey i’m sorry about earlier i didn’t mean to offend you. it got kind of awkward in there.”
i said yeah, it was pretty awkward listening to them talk about how they’d feel like a failure if they were in my shoes. she said that’s not what she meant, she actually meant that it felt like i was trying to call attention to the wage gap like it was their fault, and that if i wanted to better myself they could help me figure out how to apply to schools and work my way up just like they did.
i said a kind of half-hearted “thanks.” it’s been weird in the office since then. i know money is one of those no-no topics but it’s not like it’s a secret that i only make what i make. aita?
**forgot to add;** we don't have hr and this really isn't an hr thing
| 20,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lymr25/aita_for_bluntly_telling_the_people_i_work_with/
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2021-03-05 21:48:09
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nta
they are in an echo chamber filled with people just as privileged as them. they were called out on it and, instead of taking this embarrassing lesson to heart, they doubled down and are blaming you. like, they apologized. but instead of acknowledging that they are uniquely privileged and not everyone can get where they are, they offered to "help" you get your life together. that's wholly inappropriate.
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nta. you called them on their snobbery directly,not rudely, and they were rightly embarrassed. turning it on you with condescending offers to “better yourself” was an extra helping of poo. your coworkers are pretty insensitive.
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holy shit nta.
home ownership isn’t for everyone for a variety of reasons. especially since 2008.
i bought in 2005 because i was pressured into it. since then i have lived in constant fear that something would break and i wouldn’t have enough money to fix it.
as an owner, if the roof leaks or the water heater goes up, that’s on me. i can’t just call the landlord. if i’m stalked by a neighbor, i can’t just break a lease and move. yeah equity is nice, but there’s so much much more than equity that factors into it. given the option, i’d never have bought as early as i did. it wasn’t smart.
you do you hon. if owning isn’t for you then i applaud your willingness to say it, no matter. what your coworkers say.
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nta. not at all. and that "better yourself" line is deeply condescending. money is sometimes described as the last taboo, something we don't really talk about. you, appropriately, broke that taboo, and made them, again appropriately, feel guilty for their attitude, if not the wage gap.
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nta. i used to work for a doctors office that raked in 10,000 in payments on a slow day. i was a lowly clinic assistant, earning 20k a year. my ceo/doctor was charging 500 an hour for his time.
in fact most everyone i worked for was far, far richer than we were and they never had the absence of mind to point out so bluntly that they would feel like a failure. it's crass, it's insensitive, and it's mindless to say something so grating in the work place. if you're going to talk, i'm a firm believer that one should be mindful of who they are around.
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so the one woman followed up their amazing insensitivity with what essentially amounted to, "you could be like us if you just worked harder?" really doubled down there, didn't she?
nta. even if that coworker doesn't bother to do any self-reflection, then i hope at least some others will have after hearing you speak up. you weren't wrong for reminding them that less than 10% of all employed individuals make over $100k a year. they're in the minority.
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nta. btw, you’re horribly underpaid. you barely make over $15/hr. that’s not fair for a hard-working administrative assistant. write down everything you do, especially over-and-above your job title, how many people you work for, plus the average pay rate for an admin with your experience (you can get it in salary.com), then request an immediate pay raise of $5/hr.
email it to your boss (for a paper trail).
i did this at an “entry-level” job after busting my ass for 2+ years for shit pay. they also didn’t have an hr dept. i got a fat raise. no employer will voluntarily pay you more unless you ask.
you can do it!!!
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i mean it's one banana, op, what could it cost? $10?
these people are as out of touch as lucille bluth, and somehow more condescending.
nta.
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nta. it was a rude thing for them to say and they should feel awkward and embarrassed.
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nta. your co-workers were being snotty and elitist. i certainly can't blame you for getting angry.
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NTA
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NTA
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| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my coworkers are usually pretty good to work with. the average salary for them is around 100k+. i’m their administrative assistant and i make about $32k. anyway some of the things they say are kind of weird. for example this one woman was shocked that i’d never had any of my clothes tailored before. i think they just really caught up in their own reality you know? like in their world everyone is beautiful and skinny and rich with purebred dogs and perfect white teeth. i was helping organize and someone announced they finally bought their first house. the conversation continued on to them kind of being rude and saying like “i don’t get why people think no one can afford to buy a house, it’s not hard?” and someone was like “yeah i can’t imagine being in my 30s and still renting, i’d feel like such a failure” and they all agreed. i don’t usually get upset about the shit they’re talking about but i finally had it and was like “i’m 38 and rent, i don’t think i’m a failure” one of them was like “oh well we weren’t talking about you, it’s just that all these people always go on and on about how it’s impossible to save for a down payment.” i was just like “yeah, it is pretty hard.” it was obvious the whole atmosphere in the room changed so i was like “anyway” and got up and left to the main office to get back to work. later on one of the other women in the office came up and was like “hey i’m sorry about earlier i didn’t mean to offend you. it got kind of awkward in there.” i said yeah, it was pretty awkward listening to them talk about how they’d feel like a failure if they were in my shoes. she said that’s not what she meant, she actually meant that it felt like i was trying to call attention to the wage gap like it was their fault, and that if i wanted to better myself they could help me figure out how to apply to schools and work my way up just like they did. i said a kind of half-hearted “thanks.” it’s been weird in the office since then. i know money is one of those no-no topics but it’s not like it’s a secret that i only make what i make. aita? **forgot to add;** we don't have hr and this really isn't an hr thing
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my coworkers are usually pretty good to work with. the average salary for them is around 100k+. i’m their administrative assistant and i make about $32k. anyway some of the things they say are kind of weird. for example this one woman was shocked that i’d never had any of my clothes tailored before. i think they just really caught up in their own reality you know? like in their world everyone is beautiful and skinny and rich with purebred dogs and perfect white teeth. i was helping organize and someone announced they finally bought their first house. the conversation continued on to them kind of being rude and saying like “i don’t get why people think no one can afford to buy a house, it’s not hard?” and someone was like “yeah i can’t imagine being in my 30s and still renting, i’d feel like such a failure” and they all agreed. i don’t usually get upset about the shit they’re talking about but i finally had it and was like “i’m 38 and rent, i don’t think i’m a failure” one of them was like “oh well we weren’t talking about you, it’s just that all these people always go on and on about how it’s impossible to save for a down payment.” i was just like “yeah, it is pretty hard.” it was obvious the whole atmosphere in the room changed so i was like “anyway” and got up and left to the main office to get back to work. later on one of the other women in the office came up and was like “hey i’m sorry about earlier i didn’t mean to offend you. it got kind of awkward in there.” i said yeah, it was pretty awkward listening to them talk about how they’d feel like a failure if they were in my shoes. she said that’s not what she meant, she actually meant that it felt like i was trying to call attention to the wage gap like it was their fault, and that if i wanted to better myself they could help me figure out how to apply to schools and work my way up just like they did. i said a kind of half-hearted “thanks.” it’s been weird in the office since then. i know money is one of those no-no topics but it’s not like it’s a secret that i only make what i make. aita? **forgot to add;** we don't have hr and this really isn't an hr thing [/INST] nta they are in an echo chamber filled with people just as privileged as them. they were called out on it and, instead of taking this embarrassing lesson to heart, they doubled down and are blaming you. like, they apologized. but instead of acknowledging that they are uniquely privileged and not everyone can get where they are, they offered to "help" you get your life together. that's wholly inappropriate. </s>
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WIBTA for taking my daughter to visit my family?
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apologies for mobile formatting issues. tldr at the bottom. my wife jenna (28f) and i (32m) had our daughter averlea 6 months ago. we’ve been together for 10 years and married for 3.
we both live out of state from our families and neither of us have the best relationship with them, though jenna’s family have made a lot of effort to come and visit, mend bridges, and interact with averlea since she was born. my family (mom 52f, stepdad 55m, 3 younger brothers 17-21m) live an extra few hours away and are yet to meet her. it’s important to note that my mom and jenna do not get along. mom has always had something to say about jenna and the older jenna’s gotten and the longer it’s gone on the less jenna has been willing to let it go over her head. this has resulted in us spending the last 10 years doing separate holiday visits.
my plan this year was to drop jenna at her parents place safely after the flight and then carry on the extra 3 hour drive with averlea to mine, and then pick her up on december 23rd so we could spend christmas day as a family. jenna’s response was simply “no.”
in our house, no is usually a complete sentence, but i asked her why and her response was “we talked about this when i was pregnant. you never had my back with your mom so i don’t trust you to advocate for averlea, and since she’s made no effort to be around her, i’m not comfortable with letting you take our baby into that environment without me, and i am not going to go somewhere it’s evident i’m not wanted”
i brought up the fact that i want my daughter to know my step/parents and her side of the family and that jenna was stopping that from happening, and how unfair it was to my mom given that her parents have been here atleast twice a month since she’s been born and have been able to have that bonding time.
i told her i would drop her off and take averlea anyway, or me and averlea would fly in to my parents home airport, but one way or another she would be meeting them this christmas. that is when jenna just cracked and broke. she started bawling and repeating how she “couldn’t believe i’d put her in that position” and when i told this story to my best friend at the pub, even he raised his eyebrow and said that it wasn’t a good move. jenna has been sleeping on the couch and i’m beginning to feel awful and second guess everything.
wibta or am i right in standing my ground here?
tldr - wife doesn’t want our daughter to meet my family. i am insisting. wife is melting down.
| 9,110 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ze6h5w/wibta_for_taking_my_daughter_to_visit_my_family/
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2022-12-06 13:13:23
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yta- if your wife said that you never had her back, she’s got all the reasons to trust that the baby might be treated or cared for in a way that she wouldn’t approve. this doesn’t mean badly cared for, just not cared as if she would. i kind of understand her.
plus if you had an agreement during pregnancy, why breaking it?
as you say her family did a lot to mend, can you say the same for your family?
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yta for claiming your wife is preventing them from meeting when it sounds like they've made no attempt to visit you.
have you even cared for/fed the baby by yourself? she's only 6 months and you don't mention how long you plan to separate baby from her mother.
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yta. your wife is absolutely correct- she had put up with your mom’s arseholery for 10 years. 10 years where you obviously didn’t have her back or your mother would have shut up and figured out a way to coexist by now. your wife is definitely correct. you need to figure out a way to talk to your mom and say, “now that my daughter is here, the rude comments and jerk behaviour stops. period.”
also, a 6 month old is still pretty reliant on her mother.
also also, i can’t believe your wife has been sleeping on the couch. you’re lucky it hasn’t been a hotel!! if i was her, it wouldn’t be the couch and it wouldn’t be me.
i’m honestly just shocked at the ignorance here. i can’t believe op doesn’t realise his behaviour and how completely messed up this situation is for his wife.
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your family has made no effort to mend the relationship, and you admit your mother in particular treats your wife terribly. that is why they should not meet your daughter on their own.
and why does your wife have to continue to look past this treatment? why does your mother get to continue to speak badly about her?
"it's unfair to my mom that her parents have gotten to see baby"
your mom put herself in this position!
you don't get to treat someone like crap for a decade then surprise pikachu face when they don't want their baby around you. if your mom wants to see the baby, she should try to make amends.
at this point, it's clear they aren't going to be best friends, but she does have to treat wife with cordial respect.
yta
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yta. your daughter won't remember any of this so that argument is silly. secondly you mentioned jenna's parents have come down multiple times but yours haven't seen her yet. they couldn't be bothered to see their grandchild??? lastly you made no effort to compromise here or consider jenna's feelings.
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yta - your mom treats your wife horribly and you have done nothing about it. it is not your wife's responsibility to let the nasty things your mom says just "go over her head". it is your mom's responsibility to be civil to your wife - and if she won't, it is your responsibility to stand up for your wife. your wife is protecting herself and your daughter from your mother, because she knows that you won't.
your wife is not keeping your daughter from meeting your parents. your parents could have visited at any time in the past 6 months.
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yta
jenna is right. your mom is hostile to your wife and you don't stand up for her. of course she's not going to trust you that you can stand up for your baby either. i don't understand why are you separated from jenna during christmas, why are you not traveling together and why is averlea staying with you?
you need to set clear boundaries with your mom. if she wants a relationship with her granddaughter, she has to respect jenna and apologize. jenna's family is actively trying to improve the relationship, that's a huge difference. your mom doesn't care and isn't willing to make things better.
from the way you talk about your mother it's clear you are enabling her behaviour. you say you are low contact with your mom, yet you have million excuses why she won't change her behaviour. you made a promise to your wife when she was pregnant, doesn't matter that you thought she'll "mellow".
continue this way and you'll find yourself divorced.
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you can not be serious?! my god yta and i can’t wait to read some of the replies to this. jesus christ…
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ok hear me out... has it occured to you to actually try to figure out why this is upsetting her so much? i mean, not with an emphasis on making her see your side, but rather with an emphasis on you learning hers
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info: why can't your family make the effort to come to you, as hers has?
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: apologies for mobile formatting issues. tldr at the bottom. my wife jenna (28f) and i (32m) had our daughter averlea 6 months ago. we’ve been together for 10 years and married for 3. we both live out of state from our families and neither of us have the best relationship with them, though jenna’s family have made a lot of effort to come and visit, mend bridges, and interact with averlea since she was born. my family (mom 52f, stepdad 55m, 3 younger brothers 17-21m) live an extra few hours away and are yet to meet her. it’s important to note that my mom and jenna do not get along. mom has always had something to say about jenna and the older jenna’s gotten and the longer it’s gone on the less jenna has been willing to let it go over her head. this has resulted in us spending the last 10 years doing separate holiday visits. my plan this year was to drop jenna at her parents place safely after the flight and then carry on the extra 3 hour drive with averlea to mine, and then pick her up on december 23rd so we could spend christmas day as a family. jenna’s response was simply “no.” in our house, no is usually a complete sentence, but i asked her why and her response was “we talked about this when i was pregnant. you never had my back with your mom so i don’t trust you to advocate for averlea, and since she’s made no effort to be around her, i’m not comfortable with letting you take our baby into that environment without me, and i am not going to go somewhere it’s evident i’m not wanted” i brought up the fact that i want my daughter to know my step/parents and her side of the family and that jenna was stopping that from happening, and how unfair it was to my mom given that her parents have been here atleast twice a month since she’s been born and have been able to have that bonding time. i told her i would drop her off and take averlea anyway, or me and averlea would fly in to my parents home airport, but one way or another she would be meeting them this christmas. that is when jenna just cracked and broke. she started bawling and repeating how she “couldn’t believe i’d put her in that position” and when i told this story to my best friend at the pub, even he raised his eyebrow and said that it wasn’t a good move. jenna has been sleeping on the couch and i’m beginning to feel awful and second guess everything. wibta or am i right in standing my ground here? tldr - wife doesn’t want our daughter to meet my family. i am insisting. wife is melting down.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
apologies for mobile formatting issues. tldr at the bottom. my wife jenna (28f) and i (32m) had our daughter averlea 6 months ago. we’ve been together for 10 years and married for 3. we both live out of state from our families and neither of us have the best relationship with them, though jenna’s family have made a lot of effort to come and visit, mend bridges, and interact with averlea since she was born. my family (mom 52f, stepdad 55m, 3 younger brothers 17-21m) live an extra few hours away and are yet to meet her. it’s important to note that my mom and jenna do not get along. mom has always had something to say about jenna and the older jenna’s gotten and the longer it’s gone on the less jenna has been willing to let it go over her head. this has resulted in us spending the last 10 years doing separate holiday visits. my plan this year was to drop jenna at her parents place safely after the flight and then carry on the extra 3 hour drive with averlea to mine, and then pick her up on december 23rd so we could spend christmas day as a family. jenna’s response was simply “no.” in our house, no is usually a complete sentence, but i asked her why and her response was “we talked about this when i was pregnant. you never had my back with your mom so i don’t trust you to advocate for averlea, and since she’s made no effort to be around her, i’m not comfortable with letting you take our baby into that environment without me, and i am not going to go somewhere it’s evident i’m not wanted” i brought up the fact that i want my daughter to know my step/parents and her side of the family and that jenna was stopping that from happening, and how unfair it was to my mom given that her parents have been here atleast twice a month since she’s been born and have been able to have that bonding time. i told her i would drop her off and take averlea anyway, or me and averlea would fly in to my parents home airport, but one way or another she would be meeting them this christmas. that is when jenna just cracked and broke. she started bawling and repeating how she “couldn’t believe i’d put her in that position” and when i told this story to my best friend at the pub, even he raised his eyebrow and said that it wasn’t a good move. jenna has been sleeping on the couch and i’m beginning to feel awful and second guess everything. wibta or am i right in standing my ground here? tldr - wife doesn’t want our daughter to meet my family. i am insisting. wife is melting down. [/INST] yta- if your wife said that you never had her back, she’s got all the reasons to trust that the baby might be treated or cared for in a way that she wouldn’t approve. this doesn’t mean badly cared for, just not cared as if she would. i kind of understand her. plus if you had an agreement during pregnancy, why breaking it? as you say her family did a lot to mend, can you say the same for your family? </s>
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WIBTA if I sell my niece's electronics?
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english is not my first language
my niece(16) lives with me since her parents passed away about a year ago. she knows how to drive but her driving is not very good. she is only allowed to drive my car when i'm with her to help her learn more. the past few nights she has been asking me to let her drive but i was too busy. last night she went out of home with my car and slightly hit the wall. i was and still am very angry because my car is new and very expensive. i grabbed all of her electronics and told her i'm going to sell them and use the money to fix my car. she cried and begged me not to because her dad bought them for her. she promised to pay for it if i don't sell them but i don't see that happening because she doesn't have a job.
i might be an ah because i don't need the money and can pay for it myself but i want to do this to teach her a lesson. my wife says i'm an ah though so i don't know
| 8,401 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wp96dz/wibta_if_i_sell_my_nieces_electronics/
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2022-08-15 19:56:25
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yta. big time. 16 year olds make mistakes and her recently dead dad gave her those. you couldn’t be a bigger asshole in this situation if you sold them. forgive her and talk her through it like an adult that is in charge of raising a kid
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yta - finding some chores or something for her to work off the damage would be the appropriate consequence, getting rid of the possessions her dead parents gave her is not. not sure how you find this appropriate.
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yta for saying that you’re going to sell her electronics when her dead parents gave them to her! you probably don’t know how important those are to her!
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yta,
what she did was reackless and dumb, and she should be punished. but appropriately. make her get a job and pay you back over time. ground her for a period of time where she doesn't have access to them. revoke driving privilages. a number of reasonable, appropriate reactions to the issue.
you're acting out of anger and overreacting. the only thing she will learn from you selling them is that you value your car more than her and her connection to her deceased dad.
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ywbta. this sounds more like revenge or tit-for-tat. make the punishment fit the crime: no more driving till she pays for the damage, plus a one-page essay on the financial and legal ramifications involved in driving without a licence or insurance and/or she pays for an online driving safety awareness course.
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ywbta. that is a gross overreaction. what was the damage exactly? car still works, wall still works, and you said that money is not a problem for you. and you are willing to take away items with sentimental value to your niece who, as you said, does not have a job and is a minor who is under your care. and who was recently orphaned.
accidents happen. if you want to teach her something, teach her how to drive better.
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yta
the way you wrote this, it comes across that you reacted out of anger. i would be angry also, but please take time to cool down before engaging with a child like this.
i'm not excusing her taking the car without permission. she needs consequences for her actions, but taking her devices is not likely to be the most effective discipline.
a kid who has lost her parents in the last year (suddenly? accident?), would benefit from stability and predictability in her life. you are assuming a parenting role at one of the hardest stages to be a parent. i'm sure this is hard on both of you.
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yta just for even *entertaining* selling electronics that’s her dead dad got her when you freely admit you don’t have an issue paying for the repairs. you’re a disgusting human.
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yeah, ywbta if you sold her electronics.
make her get a job, or work it off with chores, whatever...but do not sell things that remind her of her dead parents, ffs.
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yta. mistake happen ffs
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english is not my first language my niece(16) lives with me since her parents passed away about a year ago. she knows how to drive but her driving is not very good. she is only allowed to drive my car when i'm with her to help her learn more. the past few nights she has been asking me to let her drive but i was too busy. last night she went out of home with my car and slightly hit the wall. i was and still am very angry because my car is new and very expensive. i grabbed all of her electronics and told her i'm going to sell them and use the money to fix my car. she cried and begged me not to because her dad bought them for her. she promised to pay for it if i don't sell them but i don't see that happening because she doesn't have a job. i might be an ah because i don't need the money and can pay for it myself but i want to do this to teach her a lesson. my wife says i'm an ah though so i don't know
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language my niece(16) lives with me since her parents passed away about a year ago. she knows how to drive but her driving is not very good. she is only allowed to drive my car when i'm with her to help her learn more. the past few nights she has been asking me to let her drive but i was too busy. last night she went out of home with my car and slightly hit the wall. i was and still am very angry because my car is new and very expensive. i grabbed all of her electronics and told her i'm going to sell them and use the money to fix my car. she cried and begged me not to because her dad bought them for her. she promised to pay for it if i don't sell them but i don't see that happening because she doesn't have a job. i might be an ah because i don't need the money and can pay for it myself but i want to do this to teach her a lesson. my wife says i'm an ah though so i don't know [/INST] yta. big time. 16 year olds make mistakes and her recently dead dad gave her those. you couldn’t be a bigger asshole in this situation if you sold them. forgive her and talk her through it like an adult that is in charge of raising a kid </s>
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AITA? My teenage son is a slob and I can’t make myself buy him presents for Christmas.
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my son (14) is a slob. i’m tired of cleaning up his room and taking out his trash and doing his laundry. he’s out of school all this week. i left a note on monday. he needs to take out his trash. make his bed with the sheets and comforter i washed. do his dishes. hang up his clothes and put his underwear and socks in the appropriate drawers. put all his nerf guns and ammo in the container purposed. vacuum his room. i told him if it wasn’t done by the time i got home today he only gets what he gets. (two pairs of jeans already wrapped) i’ve got some expensive gifts in the closet for him but i can’t bring myself to give them to him. (i grew up living frugally) my husband thinks i’m being the asshole because everyone should lots of gifts at christmas. fyi, our daughter is 23 and gets gifts of need and a couple fun. am i the asshole for not giving him any big gifts when he can’t even keep up with with the ones he has? my husband is adamant we go shopping for gifts for him tomorrow!
| 4,675 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnbrt5/aita_my_teenage_son_is_a_slob_and_i_cant_make/
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2021-12-24 02:28:06
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yta for not dealing with this sooner. is this the first time an ultimatum was given around his laziness? have you had conversations with him - taught him how to manage his time and clean?? you are the parent and this is honestly lazy parenting. punish him with a big thing and maybe he'll get on board. teach him how to do what needs to be done, and sit down with him and have conversations around his cleanliness. and have this done long before a big holiday so that when you do pull the nuclear option you will at least have a decent excuse for doing so.
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info: what steps have you taken in the past to try and teach your son to do his own chores before arriving to this option and has your husband helped in enforcing the rules and routine in the past? does your son suffer from any mental disorders/illness (diagnosed or suspected)and if so how have you taken that into consideration in the past when trying to teach him to be responsible for his mess? have you discussed with him recently your expectations for his behavior and if so how did he react and what has he followed through with vs ignored?
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esh. christmas shouldn’t be used as a punishment for being a normal teenager. he needs to clean up his stuff and learn to be more mindful, for sure. but the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. he’ll remember this christmas for a long time to come if you do it, but he might be remembering it to a therapist or something, not necessarily as he’s picking up his room.
there’s lots of ways to punish a kid of not cleaning their space and i think maybe you should pick something else.
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info: why aren’t other punishments being given? meaning why wait until christmas? if he has weekly chores and he doesn’t do them then you take away tv or his phone or being able to go out or video games. if he doesn’t get other christmas presents he simply will just continue not doing it. christmas is one thing a year.
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yta
teenagers are often slobs. withholding christmas gifts is not an appropriate response to this problem, and it's not likely to work. could he think, "i'm such a slob mom wouldn't buy me gifts, crap, i need to clean!"? possibly. it's far more likely for him to be angry and not clean, though.
get through christmas, then sit down with him and come up with some reasonable consequences. for example, you might change the wifi password weekly, and he only gets the new one after doing a list of chores.
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yta you can't compare a 14 y and 23y and why not address the problem before it came to this?
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this sounds like there's something undiagnosed going on. executive disfunction is common to conditions like depression or adhd. before leaping to punishment, sit your kid down and try to talk to him, or maybe see about therapy. a judgement is above my paygrade, but i think the kid would benefit from an open, honest dialogue. and any resources he could get to help him do better in life moving forward could be game changers.
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yta - teenage boys are messy. i am the parent of an adult son. his room was awful, etc. drove me nuts.
after discussing with some of my mom friends, he and i established new rules. he was responsible for his stuff in his room and i wouldn't bug him about it being messy. no food was allowed in the room. if company was coming over, the door to his room had to be closed so that no one could see the mess. his mess was not allowed in the common areas of the house.
basically, i had to let go of the mess as it was not my mess, it was his mess, and if that's the way he wanted to live, fine.
i didn't take away any of his presents. he and i discussed it and his argument was it was his stuff and if he was comfortable with it, why couldn't i be.
btw, he is now employed as electrical engineer in a wonderful career. he has his only apartment which is relatively neat. i have been there a few times and it is a far cry from his bedroom when he was 14...
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yta. this is not the hill to die on. but it is your choice. someday you may really regret your behavior.
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only narcissists use christmas to punish. i am kind of worried about how many people in this thread are okay with creating a core terrible memory for a kid just because he won't clean. and especially because why he can't or won't clean is directly your fault (your parenting/lack of parenting is why you son behaves this way). using christmas as a punishment will not correct his behavior, probably will make it worse.
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| 0.032079 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son (14) is a slob. i’m tired of cleaning up his room and taking out his trash and doing his laundry. he’s out of school all this week. i left a note on monday. he needs to take out his trash. make his bed with the sheets and comforter i washed. do his dishes. hang up his clothes and put his underwear and socks in the appropriate drawers. put all his nerf guns and ammo in the container purposed. vacuum his room. i told him if it wasn’t done by the time i got home today he only gets what he gets. (two pairs of jeans already wrapped) i’ve got some expensive gifts in the closet for him but i can’t bring myself to give them to him. (i grew up living frugally) my husband thinks i’m being the asshole because everyone should lots of gifts at christmas. fyi, our daughter is 23 and gets gifts of need and a couple fun. am i the asshole for not giving him any big gifts when he can’t even keep up with with the ones he has? my husband is adamant we go shopping for gifts for him tomorrow!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son (14) is a slob. i’m tired of cleaning up his room and taking out his trash and doing his laundry. he’s out of school all this week. i left a note on monday. he needs to take out his trash. make his bed with the sheets and comforter i washed. do his dishes. hang up his clothes and put his underwear and socks in the appropriate drawers. put all his nerf guns and ammo in the container purposed. vacuum his room. i told him if it wasn’t done by the time i got home today he only gets what he gets. (two pairs of jeans already wrapped) i’ve got some expensive gifts in the closet for him but i can’t bring myself to give them to him. (i grew up living frugally) my husband thinks i’m being the asshole because everyone should lots of gifts at christmas. fyi, our daughter is 23 and gets gifts of need and a couple fun. am i the asshole for not giving him any big gifts when he can’t even keep up with with the ones he has? my husband is adamant we go shopping for gifts for him tomorrow! [/INST] yta for not dealing with this sooner. is this the first time an ultimatum was given around his laziness? have you had conversations with him - taught him how to manage his time and clean?? you are the parent and this is honestly lazy parenting. punish him with a big thing and maybe he'll get on board. teach him how to do what needs to be done, and sit down with him and have conversations around his cleanliness. and have this done long before a big holiday so that when you do pull the nuclear option you will at least have a decent excuse for doing so. </s>
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AITA For telling my wife her parents are not allowed to ever watch our son again
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my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway.
i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic.
so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid.
when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter.
i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son.
i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on.
| 27,198 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iycyxr/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_parents_are_not/
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2020-09-23 16:04:08
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nta these types of baptisms violate church law, and if it actually was done by their priest you should contact the bishop and file a complaint.
[is a secret baptism against the parents’ wishes the right thing to do? no. in fact, the church prohibits a secret baptism without the knowledge or approval of the parents](https://thecatholicspirit.com/faith/focus-on-faith/faith-fundamentals/secret-baptisms-parents-wishes/)
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[deleted]
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nta. that was a huge breach of trust. nothing religious should be done unilaterally either by the parents or in this case, grandparents. i do agree that counseling would be a good avenue for you both to get on the same page.
also apparently you're an ahole for telling her that her parents can no longer see your son unsupervised but they aren't aholes for the unauthorised baptism? what??
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nta. report the priest and/or parish that performed it without your consent to either the diocese or the archdiocese. the catholic church *forbids* baptism without parental permission. the baptism won't be officially recognized as a result and if mil *lied* and claimed she had your permission it will land *her* in hot water with the church.
to your wife:
letting her get away with something because "she thought it was best for her grandson" leads to a slippery slope. what if your mom decides it is best for your son to live with her during the week and you and your husband only see him on the weekends? are you going to let her get away with that? it isn't her kid! she doesn't get to decide "what's best," only his parents do.
your mom stomped the "no baptism" boundary. if you let her get away with it she will stomp other boundaries you set up using the argument "its what i think is best for grandson!"
next boundary could be "don't give him too much sugar." that stomp could cost you *a lot of money*. young children, when they have cavities, have to be knocked out in order to get them fixed. its not cheap, my nephew's last dental procedure (he has weak tooth enamel) cost my sister $3,000 out of pocket (insurance picked up the rest but it was a fight to get anesthesia covered. dental insurance didn't want to cover it, health insurance thought dental insurance should cover it because it was a dental procedure).
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this is a tough one.
on the one hand, your son is 2, so he likely won't remember or understand what happened. this isn't like the post yesterday where the mil told an 8-year-old that she would burn in hell if she didn't accept jesus and let herself be baptized.
on the *other* hand, there's nothing saying your mil *won't* partake in that kind of behavior when your son is older.
on the other *other* hand, putting a permanent ban on your mil is kind of extreme. it would be better to put her in a "time out" and give her the opportunity to change her behavior. that's your wife's mother. you put her in an awkward position by making absolute proclamations like this.
i think nta for being upset, and nta for not trusting your ils, but i think before you make any "never/ever" proclamations, you need to explain to your mil that what she did wasn't okay, and that you're reconsidering how much you trust her with your son.
definitely also hit up the counseling. your wife needs to understand that this is 10/10 on the importance scale for you, and that kind of trumps it only being a 3/10 on the importance scale for her. you also need to understand that it's very harsh to unilaterally ban your partner's parents from things, and to tell your partner that you have no respect for their parents is almost always going to sting, even if you're in the right.
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go get the counseling. there is a lot in this post and it would be impossible to tell if writing off the grandparents is appropriate or not, or worth destroying your marriage over.
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going against the grain here apparently, but yta. was what your mil did wrong, a huge breach of trust, and something to be discussed? yes, absolutely. did it actively hurt your child in any way? no. i get it's an issue with respecting your choices as parents, but yta because you're now trying to make unilateral decisions about whether your partner's mother can see your child, without considering your partner's feelings on the situation and the effect your decree (yes, decree) will have on her and her familial relations. she's right, you're an asshole for trying to force this decision on her on your own. this is something you and she need to agree upon, and you're telling her it's your way or the highway - and guess what, if she chooses the highway, your son is going to see your mil unsupervised whether you like it or not.
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esh- so i agree with 95% if what you have said. i think in almost all areas, you are completely correct.
the only thing i think you're going a little too big on is the "never can fix what they did" part of it. you and your wife are a team. you need to be on the same page about this. but you going that strong on the "never" part of it is clearly too much for your wife. if her parents turn their behavior around and improve, there needs to be a "path" towards reconciliation, or your wife will not be on your side. i'd rather get 90% of what i wanted with my wife as my team vs fight for 100% and her be against it. because that leads to resentment or secrets or lies or nothing good.
be willing to allow them to change. make it clear what your expectations and needs are. make sure the "time and actual change" part is very clear. make that hill to climb hard to do, but don't make it impossible or you'll lose out.
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nta - and yes, you both need counseling. i'm catholic, and that was way beyond the line. you don't baptize someone's child without their permission. have you asked the mil about this?
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yta for how you went about it. you don't get to dictate terms to the person who's supposed to be your partner. you do get to tell them how you feel, tell them what you'd like to see happen, and ask them for their input, then come to a consensus, which will likely involve compromise.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.425021 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway. i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic. so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid. when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter. i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son. i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. that worked for us since it was on our way anyway. i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. my mil knows this and hates it. she thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic. so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, mil says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. i ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mil in front of my son, but i pretty much grabbed my son and left. on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. she tried to downplay what her mom had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid. when we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look t her mom differently. she continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter. i told her that under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. i said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. i also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counselor. she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son. i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. i told her i don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but i'm not budging. to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on. [/INST] nta these types of baptisms violate church law, and if it actually was done by their priest you should contact the bishop and file a complaint. [is a secret baptism against the parents’ wishes the right thing to do? no. in fact, the church prohibits a secret baptism without the knowledge or approval of the parents](https://thecatholicspirit.com/faith/focus-on-faith/faith-fundamentals/secret-baptisms-parents-wishes/) </s>
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AITA for having a breakdown after my sister's announcement?
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i have been struggling to conceive for the past 9 years. it has been a very brutal journey for me and my husband. we have experienced many disappointments.
my sister is also happily married and they adopted 2 teenagers (who are also siblings). i have stopped going to my sister for any emotional support as her advise has always been "just adopt". i know that she thinks that the fact that i want to spend so much money on fertility treatments instead of adopting is stupid. in the past few years, i haven't spoken to my sister because my life revolved around the treatments and i didn't have any time for her negativity.
this whole experience changed a lot of things in my life. everything is sometimes heart breaking and i get irrationally emotional. i am pro choice and i know that in my brain but when someone mentions that they had abortion, i immediately see red. i usually remove myself from the situation and i feel very bad/guilty for even thinking some awful things about women.
recently we had a family dinner for our parents anniversary and she seemed a little off. my mom kept asking her what happened. at first, she wouldn't tell what happened. after dinner, me, mom and my sister were sitting in the living room while the guys and the kids were outside. my sister was grimacing and my mom again asked her what happened. she confided that she recently had an "oopsie" and had to about. she said that she already had two kids and she doesn't want more.
i froze. i had always assumed that my sister was also facing problems which is why she adopted. it felt like a punch to the gut to find out that wasn't the case. worse, my mother was gushing and telling my sister how proud she was of her and that she was so brave.
something broke in me. i yelled. i screamed. i said some awful things. i said that her family wasn't real and she was an idiot for having an abortion. i told her that the fact that she would have an abortion for them was stupid. i told her that she wasn't even a woman because she couldn't appreciate the joys of pregnancy. i told her that she was going to regret doing this when they turn 18 and forget all about her.
i stormed out after that and after having another breakdown in my own house, i felt guilty and ashamed.
i called my sister and mother next day and told them i was sorry. both of them were incredibly pissed at me, especially because the kids overheard me telling that they weren't her real kids. i have been informed that they were all going to cut contact with me. i have apologised and tried to explain my side of things and they aren't willing to listen.
i don't think i should lose my family for a mistake but i don't know. aita?
| 7,066 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jlqb3t/aita_for_having_a_breakdown_after_my_sisters/
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2020-10-31 21:16:26
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yta. you don’t think you should lose your family over a mistake? i agree. a mistake would be accidentally backing into your sisters car after family dinner. this wasn’t that. the hateful shit that came out of your mouth was inexcusable. period.
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yta, completely. taking out your problems on your sister was bad enough. her children (and yes, they are her children) hearing your cruelty is unforgivable. there are enough issues in adopting without a toxic aunt saying horrible things. your family deserves better.
edit to add: you can't explain your side of things. you don't have a side. your side needs to be that you recognize you only contribute hurt to the family and you're going to respect their request for distance and get mental health care. because you recognize that your family is not safe around you.
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100% yta
flipping out occasionally can happen to anyone in extreme situations, i guess. that being said, you went so far outside the norm here i don’t even think this can be called a normal temper tantrum.
you went for the kill. you insulted her integrity. you insulted her family. *you insulted her kids.*
there are times that apologies are not enough. this is one of those times. you caused a lot of damage and pain, deliberately.
you need to do some hard thinking of why you reacted so badly. you may need therapy. you may need a “time out” from your family because you are not thinking clearly. you may need to cut contact with your teenage relatives because *seeing you is going to hurt them for a long time*.
you do not deserve forgiveness until you take actual effort to better yourself, and even then, it is on their terms and their timeline. not yours.
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yta. when the headline read "a breakdown," my first thought was that you had burst into tears at a pregnancy announcement--which, while awkward, would not have been an asshole move, especially if you were able to collect yourself shortly thereafter. but instead, you lit into your sister and said a lot of things you *absolutely did* mean. **fun facts:** adopted children are real children and part of a real family. adopted children do not "forget" their parents on their 18th birthday. women who haven't appreciated the "joys of pregnancy" are 100% still women.
listen, i know you're in pain. i've gone down the infertility path too, and never got a child. i do wish i'd pursued adoption--but by the time we realized that was the only way, we were out of money and had just reached an emotional breaking point where we knew we needed to move on and accept our lives as they were. so i get why you're hurting so deeply. but you're making it *so much worse* for yourself by turning pregnancy/biological children into the sole reason for existence and the lone purpose of womanhood. it isn't. you can have a full and meaningful life with adopted children or no children at all. so stop weaponizing your experiences against your sister and against yourself. you are a valid woman just as you are. if you can understand that, and truly believe it, it will diminish your anger.
you say your sister urged you to adopt and you stopped spending time with her because of her "negativity." but it sounds like the negativity came from you. because you've convinced yourself adoption is necessarily a lesser way to have a family, you saw her advice as an insult--whereas she saw it as offering you a path to parenthood, the same one that has given her joy. your obsessive focus on conceiving has led you to degrade the very existence of other kinds of families, and the validity of the relationships within your own family. get some perspective. it may be too late to save your family ties, but at this point, you first need to save yourself.
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yta
your sister tried to convince you to adopt because that's what worked for her. that's her perspective. not spending much time with her was certainly your choice and it made sense if she couldn't really support you.
the mistake you made first was assuming your sister adopted because of infertility issues. people adopt for multiple reasons.
i find it inexusable that you told your sister her family wasn't real. i don't care what hormones you're on. and to also say that your sister isn't a real woman because she doesn't want to be pregnant? the things you said were monstrous, and if you really feel this way then i would advise your sister, if she were here, to never speak to you again, especially for the sake of her children. if you really can't think of those poor kids who have been through so much in their lives then i doubt your ability to parent even if you did have a baby.
if you really don't feel this way but think the hormones are messing with your brain, then stop and think about what your obsession to have a natural birth has cost you.
it's making you a bad person and you're losing your family. and you'll likely lose your husband too if you've become this bitter and resentful. who would want to live with someone like that?
stop the treatments. grieve your loss. move on.
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yta well according to your own tantrum they aren't "real family" anyway so why would you be bothered about having no contact?
op, you've just said some disgusting, horrible, and unforgivable things to your sister and are surprised when she isn't forgiving you, how entitled can you be?
i disagree with your sister's idea that adoption would be a good path for you, no one should have such an unstable and emotionally abusive (yes, abusive) person for a mother, be it by blood or by law.
you need to go to therapy to help you deal with the pain you're suffering that's caused you to lash out and hurt others. and even after years of that i wouldn't expect them to want to be around you ever again.
infertility is heartbreaking, but when you cross the line to hurt others because you perceive pain from them making choices about their lives, you show that you can't think of anyone but yourself. therapy can help with these things, but, don't delude yourself into thinking unless your family are absolute saints that they'll ever want anything to do with you ever again.
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yta
you need therapy. your own pain is not an excuse for hurting others.
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i think you’re aware that yta. you’re entitled to your feelings, you are not always entitled to the way you express them. and i would cut contact with you too. people shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around you, you need to deal with and learn to handle your triggers.
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yta.
you're extraordinarily shitty for saying her adopted children are not really her kids. you're also an asshole for thinking that the only reason one would consider adoption is because of fertility issues.
you inability to conceive is a difficult burden to bear but in no way justifies your very cruel words towards your sister and her family.
you are right to be ashamed and i only hope that time will allow your sister to accept your apology.
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[deleted]
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been struggling to conceive for the past 9 years. it has been a very brutal journey for me and my husband. we have experienced many disappointments. my sister is also happily married and they adopted 2 teenagers (who are also siblings). i have stopped going to my sister for any emotional support as her advise has always been "just adopt". i know that she thinks that the fact that i want to spend so much money on fertility treatments instead of adopting is stupid. in the past few years, i haven't spoken to my sister because my life revolved around the treatments and i didn't have any time for her negativity. this whole experience changed a lot of things in my life. everything is sometimes heart breaking and i get irrationally emotional. i am pro choice and i know that in my brain but when someone mentions that they had abortion, i immediately see red. i usually remove myself from the situation and i feel very bad/guilty for even thinking some awful things about women. recently we had a family dinner for our parents anniversary and she seemed a little off. my mom kept asking her what happened. at first, she wouldn't tell what happened. after dinner, me, mom and my sister were sitting in the living room while the guys and the kids were outside. my sister was grimacing and my mom again asked her what happened. she confided that she recently had an "oopsie" and had to about. she said that she already had two kids and she doesn't want more. i froze. i had always assumed that my sister was also facing problems which is why she adopted. it felt like a punch to the gut to find out that wasn't the case. worse, my mother was gushing and telling my sister how proud she was of her and that she was so brave. something broke in me. i yelled. i screamed. i said some awful things. i said that her family wasn't real and she was an idiot for having an abortion. i told her that the fact that she would have an abortion for them was stupid. i told her that she wasn't even a woman because she couldn't appreciate the joys of pregnancy. i told her that she was going to regret doing this when they turn 18 and forget all about her. i stormed out after that and after having another breakdown in my own house, i felt guilty and ashamed. i called my sister and mother next day and told them i was sorry. both of them were incredibly pissed at me, especially because the kids overheard me telling that they weren't her real kids. i have been informed that they were all going to cut contact with me. i have apologised and tried to explain my side of things and they aren't willing to listen. i don't think i should lose my family for a mistake but i don't know. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been struggling to conceive for the past 9 years. it has been a very brutal journey for me and my husband. we have experienced many disappointments. my sister is also happily married and they adopted 2 teenagers (who are also siblings). i have stopped going to my sister for any emotional support as her advise has always been "just adopt". i know that she thinks that the fact that i want to spend so much money on fertility treatments instead of adopting is stupid. in the past few years, i haven't spoken to my sister because my life revolved around the treatments and i didn't have any time for her negativity. this whole experience changed a lot of things in my life. everything is sometimes heart breaking and i get irrationally emotional. i am pro choice and i know that in my brain but when someone mentions that they had abortion, i immediately see red. i usually remove myself from the situation and i feel very bad/guilty for even thinking some awful things about women. recently we had a family dinner for our parents anniversary and she seemed a little off. my mom kept asking her what happened. at first, she wouldn't tell what happened. after dinner, me, mom and my sister were sitting in the living room while the guys and the kids were outside. my sister was grimacing and my mom again asked her what happened. she confided that she recently had an "oopsie" and had to about. she said that she already had two kids and she doesn't want more. i froze. i had always assumed that my sister was also facing problems which is why she adopted. it felt like a punch to the gut to find out that wasn't the case. worse, my mother was gushing and telling my sister how proud she was of her and that she was so brave. something broke in me. i yelled. i screamed. i said some awful things. i said that her family wasn't real and she was an idiot for having an abortion. i told her that the fact that she would have an abortion for them was stupid. i told her that she wasn't even a woman because she couldn't appreciate the joys of pregnancy. i told her that she was going to regret doing this when they turn 18 and forget all about her. i stormed out after that and after having another breakdown in my own house, i felt guilty and ashamed. i called my sister and mother next day and told them i was sorry. both of them were incredibly pissed at me, especially because the kids overheard me telling that they weren't her real kids. i have been informed that they were all going to cut contact with me. i have apologised and tried to explain my side of things and they aren't willing to listen. i don't think i should lose my family for a mistake but i don't know. aita? [/INST] yta. you don’t think you should lose your family over a mistake? i agree. a mistake would be accidentally backing into your sisters car after family dinner. this wasn’t that. the hateful shit that came out of your mouth was inexcusable. period. </s>
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AITA for being upset because my son didn’t talk to me, but talked to my wife.
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i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15.
yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more.
i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well.
i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature.
| 28,033 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d84fui/aita_for_being_upset_because_my_son_didnt_talk_to/
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2019-09-23 10:04:19
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yta. i'm willing to bet that your attitude - as i doubt this is an isolated incident - is at least part of the reason your kid didn't want to talk to you.
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yta
you're entirely focused on *your* feelings in this, to the exclusion of any consideration for your son's situation or his trust in your wife.
there could be a thousand reasons why he doesn't wanna tell you:
* he could be embarrassed and need someone more sensitive.
* he could be worried about losing your respect.
* he might feel safer confiding in your wife, in general.
* he might have picked up on some annoyed vibes from you (you've called him down, several times, it makes sense that you might have felt a little irritated).
* you could have lost his trust, along the way, by being callous or downright dismissive about another matter.
* he could be worried you might make fun of him.
* maybe he's been told by his friends that this isn't something guys talk about.
* maybe it's something he's scared of telling you and he needs time to build up the courage.
* maybe he has such a high opinion of you that he'd rather hide it than risk damaging his esteem in your eyes.
* *maybe* he just wanted to talk to his mom, rather than his dad, this time.
the point is, if you sulk like a kid every time he doesn't immediately confide in *you*, you're gonna make sure it stays that way. who wants to seek comfort and advice from a petulant man-child?
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yta mate
it is *incredibly* immature to give your kid the cold shoulder over this. if anything, you should take this as a sign that you need to be *more* loving with him, not less. have you considered that this kind of bullshit might be why he's more comfortable talking to your wife than you?
having said this, i can understand why you're slightly upset that your wife didn't tell you what was wrong. i imagine that would leave you feeling untrusted and out in the cold. but, to this, i'd say that you just need to trust your wife. trust that if it was something it was beneficial for you to know, that she would tell you. do your wife the courtesy of assuming that she's keeping it to herself in the best interests of your son. maybe it's something he's embarrassed about and only felt comfortable talking to his mum about.
take a good hard look at yourself and do better.
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info
&#x200b;
i'm gonna get so much hate for this because everyone is jumping into yta but here goes:
&#x200b;
a lot of people are saying you're at fault and you're the reason your son cried or doesn't want to talk to you to which i answer: we don't actually know if any of those accusations are true other than the accusers saying stuff like "i think so" or "i'm willing to bet that..."
&#x200b;
people are shitting on you because you're talking about your feelings instead of your son's to which i have two things to say in response:
&#x200b;
1: as the titles suggests, your son didn't tell you anything about why or how he feels so you literally can't discuss anything about how he feels or why he feels that way because he didn't tell you anything you literally have nothing to talk about and to defend you even further on this topic, you've mentioned that you asked your wife what's going on, your first response was to try and find out why your child feels that way which is the exact opposite of what people are accusing you of doing
&#x200b;
2: people are shrugging off your feelings and this event as a minor inconvenience to you and think you're petty for focusing on that... but this is a big deal, you just saw your child close himself in front of you, not letting you help him... i'm not a father but if someone i love would push me away like that for what would seem like no reason for me and not even tell me why, i would feel heartbroken and yes, upset too so i think your reaction here is not only reasonable but also very human and i don't think any father who loves their child and wants to support and help their child on this planet would have reacted any other way.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
as for you acting distant: i won't assume you're doing thins because you're being petty as it is just as likely you're acting out because you're deeply hurt by idk... your own goddamn child not trusting you (but hey, apparently everyone on this sub automatically magically knows why you're being distant because it can only be explained by pettiness, right?) and i will side with what a lot of people are saying here... if your child doesn't trust you there must be some sort of reason and in this case the best thing you could do is to be closer to him and be more caring rather than be more distant... if you really care about improving the relationship with your child that's what you'll do and if you're just being petty and childish - dude, just drop it, you're being a bad example to your kid and are most likely hurting him.
&#x200b;
and finally my main point: nobody on this entire sub can tell you whether you are an asshole or not solely based on what little information you provided, myself included because what you posted is lacks context, this could just be a teen being difficult and lashing out out of the blue or it could be a result of a long lasting issue of which you (or anyone else for that matter) could have been the cause.
&#x200b;
imo you should talk to your wife and ask if you are the problem in this scenario or if there's any way you can help or support your son in this, she talked to your kid so she should have more context.
&#x200b;
as for the people jumping to conclusions and shitting on you calling you an asshole: shame on you guys, if you wanna play witch hunts go to another sub.
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yta.
you are putting your feelings over those of your kid. he will tell you when he is ready to tell you. don’t throw your toys out the pram and ignore him because he chose to confide in his mum and not you.
he doesn’t have to tell you everything, just be there and ready to listen when he’s ready to talk.
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yta. you throwing this tantrum is just damaging your relationship with your son even more. you should be grateful he trusts your wife and that he has someone he feels he can open up to. your feelings are not more important. grow up ffs.
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yta. you need to ask yourself a few questions.
why do you think your son might feel more comfortable talking to your wife than to you?
why do you think he was so uncomfortable that he probably asked your wife to not even tell you what was wrong?
this is not about them. it's about you. of course you want to know what's wrong; that's natural. but there's a reason they aren't telling you. figure out what that is. being distant is only going to distance them more from you.
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yta
nothing wrong with feeling left out, but actually distancing yourself in spite of that, specially as the father, is immature like your wife said.
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info. story's a bit vague. a lot of the people calling you an asshole right now seem a bit overeager/assume shit. y'all don't know if he treated his son badly, and you don't know just how "distant" he was. he said he wasn't ignoring them though and it's odd that you just disregarded that. i think the idea someone pitched about how the son might be embarrassed to talk to another guy about it is highly plausible. anyway i think you have grounds for wanting to be involved in your kid's life, and for feeling iced out. frankly though all you can do is try to help your son see you as someone to confide in, and other than that you just have to respect that he isn't comfortable telling you just yet.
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yta for ignoring them and you are being immature. its understandable that your son might rather talk to your wife instead of you. some parents are more approachable while some parents might be considered the "fun" or "strict" one. maybe the problem lies with how you communicate with your son instead.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15. yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more. i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well. i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 40m, my wife is 39f, son in 15. yesterday when it was dinner time i called him to come downstairs few times. he didn’t answer me so i assumed that he didn’t hear me. i went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes. after 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so i walked in his room. i knocked first. he was obviously crying. i asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so i didn’t push him more. i went downstairs and told my wife about it. she went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. she came back and brought him food upstairs. when i asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it. i got kind of upset because i want to know what was wrong and i’m his parent as well. i haven’t been fully ignoring them but i’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. my wife got mad at said that i was acting extremely immature. [/INST] yta. i'm willing to bet that your attitude - as i doubt this is an isolated incident - is at least part of the reason your kid didn't want to talk to you. </s>
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AITA for requesting that my neighbor not bring her screaming baby outside so much?
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i’ll start with context. our current next door neighbors moved in last year. it was an older (50s-ish) couple and their college age daughter.
they were nice enough and i assumed the daughter was going to be attending the nearby university, which would’ve been fine for a family-oriented neighborhood like ours, but she’s not going to school and i don’t even think she’s had a job this whole time either. okay, not my business.
but soon enough i notice a guy i hadn’t seen before suddenly living there too. i’m still friends with the lady who lived in the house before them (their landlord) so i asked her if she knew about the new guy and she said he wasn’t on the original lease but he was the daughter’s boyfriend who’d gotten her pregnant. i wasn’t thrilled, but i let it go.
fast forward to now when everyone’s sheltering in place and things got claustrophobic. our backyards are separated by fences only, so we can hear each other pretty well. i make sure my own kids aren’t too rowdy or loud in the pool when they’re out there, but the daughter next door had her baby about a month ago and the baby screams.
the daughter takes the baby out and sits on a swing with it at about lunchtime each day, and doesn’t go back inside until after it calms down, which can take as much as an hour sometimes! the straw that broke the camel’s back was when i overheard my kids (13 and 15 year old boys) snickering about seeing her breastfeeding the baby from one of our second story windows. it made me feel like the daughter wasn’t really respecting the neighborhood.
so a few days ago i politely initiated a conversation with her from over the fence when she was out with the baby again and pretty much told her my concerns. she started making excuses about being stuck inside all day and wanting to give her baby a more “stimulating environment”. i told her she’s not doing the baby any favors by letting it cry outside and ruining the neighborhood for everyone. after that she got up and went in the house and i haven’t seen her outside since.
yesterday i was doing some work in the front yard when the daughter’s boyfriend walked up to me and demanded an explanation from me since apparently his girlfriend found our conversation ”upsetting” and cried. i told him exactly what went down but it didn’t help. he even accused me of racism (because his girlfriend and her family are black) and i told him that he was being ridiculous and i hope they both grow up for the sake of their baby. he started cussing me out before the girlfriend called him back inside.
my wife was witness to both of these incidents so she’s on my side. but she told our kids what happened and now they’re saying i’m the one that made things awkward and that they’re embarrassed. i tried explaining my side of things but they’re not having it. i know they were willing to suffer to keep the peace but i feel like i did the neighborhood a favor even if this one neighbor and her family don’t like me anymore. aita?
| 3,799 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ges2um/aita_for_requesting_that_my_neighbor_not_bring/
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2020-05-06 20:39:49
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yta.
it's a freaking baby. babies scream/cry. this though, makes you a major asshole.
> the straw that broke the camel’s back was when i overheard my kids (13 and 15 year old boys) snickering about seeing her breastfeeding the baby from one of our second story windows. it made me feel like the daughter wasn’t really respecting the neighborhood.
so your kids are peeping on a woman breastfeeding in **her** backyard and you're blaming the woman?
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what did i just read? yta.
1. breastfeeding is both natural and legal. if the mother is legally allowed to be in that space, she can legally breastfeed. walk me through how that's disrespecting the neighborhood.
2. parent your own kids before you worry about hers. your kids were peeping and being creepy.
3. oh my gosh! a one month old baby cried?!?! the horror. good thing your perfect little peeping toms were super quiet. /s. babies cry. if you don't want to hear your neighbors, live somewhere there aren't neighbors.
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this woman has a newborn baby who’s obviously having some struggles. babies don’t usually just scream for no reason, but sometimes they do and there’s nothing that can be done. how about you assume she’s doing the best she can instead of acting like her baby crying is something that’s being done to you?
your children, who are old enough to know better, were spying on your neighbor and looking at her breasts and you are blaming her instead of reading your boys the riot act for sexualizing a mother feeding her child. your little peeping toms are disgusting and so are you for excusing it.
you all are awful. yta.
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yta “i wasn’t thrilled but i let it go.” the majority of your post is a bunch of points that have nothing to do with the issue. why do you think it’s any of your business if she goes to college, has a job, or a boyfriend that is living with them while everyone is stuck at home? i understand where you’re coming from with the loud crying but that’s a noise complaint, not an invitation for you to tell her what’s best for her child. secondly she was in the privacy of her backyard, feeding her child. it’s natural, you should have used this opportunity to explain to your own kids about how it’s a complete normal thing women do when they have children. you should have just said, hey sometimes we get a lot of noise disturbance from your yard in the middle of the day and was wondering if you could keep it down.
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yta, stop harrasing your neighbors when they're in their own space. she has every right to go out side with her baby to try and calm it down.
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[deleted]
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yta the straw that broke the camel’s back was your kids snickering about her?! she was feeding her baby in her home. she took her baby outside to her backyard.
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yta if i'm reading this correctly you got upset because your neighbor was breastfeeding her baby in her own backyard? you think that a baby crying is "ruining the neighborhood?" i know everyone's on edge right now due to this pandemic but this is some entitled bs you're spewing here. i honestly hate babies but if you want to live in a society that includes babies. babies cry. if you don't want to see/hear neighbors go live in the woods.
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are trolls just marching through this sub at the moment? like, what is this nonsense?
yta 150%, if this is even real.
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yta, so hard. if you are a parent then you know darn well that babies cry and how difficult having a newborn can be. you just shamed a new mother who has enough problems of her own. go apologize to that family.
also, because i don't see anyone else saying it. if your own kids think yta and the neighbor believes it is a race problem, then there might be something to that. you can be racist without realizing it, ya know. be better.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ll start with context. our current next door neighbors moved in last year. it was an older (50s-ish) couple and their college age daughter. they were nice enough and i assumed the daughter was going to be attending the nearby university, which would’ve been fine for a family-oriented neighborhood like ours, but she’s not going to school and i don’t even think she’s had a job this whole time either. okay, not my business. but soon enough i notice a guy i hadn’t seen before suddenly living there too. i’m still friends with the lady who lived in the house before them (their landlord) so i asked her if she knew about the new guy and she said he wasn’t on the original lease but he was the daughter’s boyfriend who’d gotten her pregnant. i wasn’t thrilled, but i let it go. fast forward to now when everyone’s sheltering in place and things got claustrophobic. our backyards are separated by fences only, so we can hear each other pretty well. i make sure my own kids aren’t too rowdy or loud in the pool when they’re out there, but the daughter next door had her baby about a month ago and the baby screams. the daughter takes the baby out and sits on a swing with it at about lunchtime each day, and doesn’t go back inside until after it calms down, which can take as much as an hour sometimes! the straw that broke the camel’s back was when i overheard my kids (13 and 15 year old boys) snickering about seeing her breastfeeding the baby from one of our second story windows. it made me feel like the daughter wasn’t really respecting the neighborhood. so a few days ago i politely initiated a conversation with her from over the fence when she was out with the baby again and pretty much told her my concerns. she started making excuses about being stuck inside all day and wanting to give her baby a more “stimulating environment”. i told her she’s not doing the baby any favors by letting it cry outside and ruining the neighborhood for everyone. after that she got up and went in the house and i haven’t seen her outside since. yesterday i was doing some work in the front yard when the daughter’s boyfriend walked up to me and demanded an explanation from me since apparently his girlfriend found our conversation ”upsetting” and cried. i told him exactly what went down but it didn’t help. he even accused me of racism (because his girlfriend and her family are black) and i told him that he was being ridiculous and i hope they both grow up for the sake of their baby. he started cussing me out before the girlfriend called him back inside. my wife was witness to both of these incidents so she’s on my side. but she told our kids what happened and now they’re saying i’m the one that made things awkward and that they’re embarrassed. i tried explaining my side of things but they’re not having it. i know they were willing to suffer to keep the peace but i feel like i did the neighborhood a favor even if this one neighbor and her family don’t like me anymore. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ll start with context. our current next door neighbors moved in last year. it was an older (50s-ish) couple and their college age daughter. they were nice enough and i assumed the daughter was going to be attending the nearby university, which would’ve been fine for a family-oriented neighborhood like ours, but she’s not going to school and i don’t even think she’s had a job this whole time either. okay, not my business. but soon enough i notice a guy i hadn’t seen before suddenly living there too. i’m still friends with the lady who lived in the house before them (their landlord) so i asked her if she knew about the new guy and she said he wasn’t on the original lease but he was the daughter’s boyfriend who’d gotten her pregnant. i wasn’t thrilled, but i let it go. fast forward to now when everyone’s sheltering in place and things got claustrophobic. our backyards are separated by fences only, so we can hear each other pretty well. i make sure my own kids aren’t too rowdy or loud in the pool when they’re out there, but the daughter next door had her baby about a month ago and the baby screams. the daughter takes the baby out and sits on a swing with it at about lunchtime each day, and doesn’t go back inside until after it calms down, which can take as much as an hour sometimes! the straw that broke the camel’s back was when i overheard my kids (13 and 15 year old boys) snickering about seeing her breastfeeding the baby from one of our second story windows. it made me feel like the daughter wasn’t really respecting the neighborhood. so a few days ago i politely initiated a conversation with her from over the fence when she was out with the baby again and pretty much told her my concerns. she started making excuses about being stuck inside all day and wanting to give her baby a more “stimulating environment”. i told her she’s not doing the baby any favors by letting it cry outside and ruining the neighborhood for everyone. after that she got up and went in the house and i haven’t seen her outside since. yesterday i was doing some work in the front yard when the daughter’s boyfriend walked up to me and demanded an explanation from me since apparently his girlfriend found our conversation ”upsetting” and cried. i told him exactly what went down but it didn’t help. he even accused me of racism (because his girlfriend and her family are black) and i told him that he was being ridiculous and i hope they both grow up for the sake of their baby. he started cussing me out before the girlfriend called him back inside. my wife was witness to both of these incidents so she’s on my side. but she told our kids what happened and now they’re saying i’m the one that made things awkward and that they’re embarrassed. i tried explaining my side of things but they’re not having it. i know they were willing to suffer to keep the peace but i feel like i did the neighborhood a favor even if this one neighbor and her family don’t like me anymore. aita? [/INST] yta. it's a freaking baby. babies scream/cry. this though, makes you a major asshole. > the straw that broke the camel’s back was when i overheard my kids (13 and 15 year old boys) snickering about seeing her breastfeeding the baby from one of our second story windows. it made me feel like the daughter wasn’t really respecting the neighborhood. so your kids are peeping on a woman breastfeeding in **her** backyard and you're blaming the woman? </s>
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AITA for refusing to eat the cake at a potluck because the person who made it has a nasty house?
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my coworkers and i had a potluck lunch to celebrate after coming back for the new year.
most people brought pre-made stuff like meat and cheese platters fruit platters, ice cream and the like. one of my coworkers is very well known for baking stuff, let’s call her susie.
susie bakes stuff for the office all the time, and i used to eat her baked goods until i had to drop her off at her house. she was having car troubles and her house was on the way to my house. i asked her if i could come up and use the restroom because i had a drive a head of me.
when i walked into her house the smell knocked me back. it smelled like rotting food and cats. susie has like 8 cats and they walk everywhere in her house, including on the kitchen counter. i also saw a litter box that was completely full. i don’t have cats, so i don’t know how often they need to be changed but it *smelled*. her bathroom looked like it had never been cleaned. her kitchen was fucking terrible. dirty shit and old food everywhere. from there on i told myself i would never eat anything that susie prepared in her house.
as i was saying her baked goods are an office favorite, so everyone was having a piece of her cake at the potluck but me. a few of my coworkers asked me why i wasn’t eating the cake, and i described to them the state of her home. they didn’t want to eat her cake either, one of them even threw her slice away.
i guess word got around the office, and today when susie brought baked goods nobody touched them. eventually word got back to her that i told everyone that her house was nasty. people are distancing themselves from her. she says she’s filing and hr complaint against me for gossiping. i was just being honest with my coworkers, and i am asshole?
edit to clarify.
i did tell the coworkers “privately” as in i didn’t scream across the office “susie is a slob. do not eat her food”. i told a couple of people and they told others because most people think that it’s nasty af to have animals on your counters in your kitchen.
edit to clarify #2
several of y’all have told me to add the fact that i have gotten food poisoning twice in the last three months to my post. i didn’t add it originally because there is no definitive way to determine whether susie was the cause. it could have been bad sushi or a bad salad, but i have gotten food poisoning. i am not sure about my other co-workers but they have all stopped eating the food. so maybe they are making connections about getting sick too.
| 5,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ejxs47/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_the_cake_at_a_potluck/
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2020-01-04 15:15:28
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yta not for avoiding the cake but for saying why. there are much more diplomatic ways to handle that without outing your coworkers house.
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i’m actually really torn on this one. i do get kind of a gossipy, mean vibe from this situation and i feel bad for the person but i also know that i would be personally horrified to find out that i’d been eating food prepared in that kind of kitchen.
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what you did was pretty rude, but nta. in one of my health courses, we learned about this one time 20 people at a potluck got salmonella bc one of the participants let their lizard walk all over the counter.
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esh typhoid susie probably shouldn’t be preparing food for others in her house. unless there is serious mental health issues, she has to know she’s risking making her coworkers sick.
you waited until a work event where people were eating the cake to tell your friends and coworkers. that’s not protecting them- that’s a punchline. you should have made your concerns known when the potluck was planned discretely if you felt it was a health hazard or just avoided the cake yourself.
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i'm not going to make judgment, but this makes me terrified of potlucks.
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yta for this part:
>a few of my coworkers asked me why i wasn’t eating the cake, and **i described to them the state of her home.**
you just spread something really private and shameful to your coworkers, and you have no idea how dirty their homes are. meat and cheese platters are much more likely to be contaminated than a baked cake anyway.
>people are distancing themselves from her.
that's going to be absolutely devastating. you shouldn't have done it.
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absolutely nta!! i am shocked at how many people are saying yta. i would 100% want someone to tell me if food was cooked in unsafe conditions. nasty restaurants get blasted on the news every day but a nasty home that food is coming from, can’t be warned about? no no no. she signed up to be the “baked goods” lady, she should be ensuring it’s coming from a sanitary environment. this is why i do not eat home baked/cooked foods at potlucks. you just never know.
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yta - not for act of refusing to eat the cake, because i sure as hell wouldn’t either; but come on, what the hell else do offices do other than gossip? there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that once you said that, it wasn’t going to spread like wildfire through that office. a simple “i’m not hungry” would have sufficed. susie didn’t do a darn thing to you besides make the effort to bring good food to work for her co-workers and now she’s known as the office slob. not cool, op, and i feel she’s totally justified in her reaction.
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nta - food poisoning is no joke, but i'm not sure hr will see it the same way.
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i want to say nta because it's not wrong for wanting to eat food that's prepared in a hygienic place...but...if you guys have been eating her baked goods before with no repercussions (diarrhoea, food poisoning etc) maybe she does practice a certain standard of hygiene when baking? and wanting to share this with colleagues from a place of good intentions, i get that too.
however, i do get why she was upset though, it's really humiliating to have your dirty linen (literally) washed in public, so maybe the situation could've been handled with a bit more tact.
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.834889 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my coworkers and i had a potluck lunch to celebrate after coming back for the new year. most people brought pre-made stuff like meat and cheese platters fruit platters, ice cream and the like. one of my coworkers is very well known for baking stuff, let’s call her susie. susie bakes stuff for the office all the time, and i used to eat her baked goods until i had to drop her off at her house. she was having car troubles and her house was on the way to my house. i asked her if i could come up and use the restroom because i had a drive a head of me. when i walked into her house the smell knocked me back. it smelled like rotting food and cats. susie has like 8 cats and they walk everywhere in her house, including on the kitchen counter. i also saw a litter box that was completely full. i don’t have cats, so i don’t know how often they need to be changed but it *smelled*. her bathroom looked like it had never been cleaned. her kitchen was fucking terrible. dirty shit and old food everywhere. from there on i told myself i would never eat anything that susie prepared in her house. as i was saying her baked goods are an office favorite, so everyone was having a piece of her cake at the potluck but me. a few of my coworkers asked me why i wasn’t eating the cake, and i described to them the state of her home. they didn’t want to eat her cake either, one of them even threw her slice away. i guess word got around the office, and today when susie brought baked goods nobody touched them. eventually word got back to her that i told everyone that her house was nasty. people are distancing themselves from her. she says she’s filing and hr complaint against me for gossiping. i was just being honest with my coworkers, and i am asshole? edit to clarify. i did tell the coworkers “privately” as in i didn’t scream across the office “susie is a slob. do not eat her food”. i told a couple of people and they told others because most people think that it’s nasty af to have animals on your counters in your kitchen. edit to clarify #2 several of y’all have told me to add the fact that i have gotten food poisoning twice in the last three months to my post. i didn’t add it originally because there is no definitive way to determine whether susie was the cause. it could have been bad sushi or a bad salad, but i have gotten food poisoning. i am not sure about my other co-workers but they have all stopped eating the food. so maybe they are making connections about getting sick too.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my coworkers and i had a potluck lunch to celebrate after coming back for the new year. most people brought pre-made stuff like meat and cheese platters fruit platters, ice cream and the like. one of my coworkers is very well known for baking stuff, let’s call her susie. susie bakes stuff for the office all the time, and i used to eat her baked goods until i had to drop her off at her house. she was having car troubles and her house was on the way to my house. i asked her if i could come up and use the restroom because i had a drive a head of me. when i walked into her house the smell knocked me back. it smelled like rotting food and cats. susie has like 8 cats and they walk everywhere in her house, including on the kitchen counter. i also saw a litter box that was completely full. i don’t have cats, so i don’t know how often they need to be changed but it *smelled*. her bathroom looked like it had never been cleaned. her kitchen was fucking terrible. dirty shit and old food everywhere. from there on i told myself i would never eat anything that susie prepared in her house. as i was saying her baked goods are an office favorite, so everyone was having a piece of her cake at the potluck but me. a few of my coworkers asked me why i wasn’t eating the cake, and i described to them the state of her home. they didn’t want to eat her cake either, one of them even threw her slice away. i guess word got around the office, and today when susie brought baked goods nobody touched them. eventually word got back to her that i told everyone that her house was nasty. people are distancing themselves from her. she says she’s filing and hr complaint against me for gossiping. i was just being honest with my coworkers, and i am asshole? edit to clarify. i did tell the coworkers “privately” as in i didn’t scream across the office “susie is a slob. do not eat her food”. i told a couple of people and they told others because most people think that it’s nasty af to have animals on your counters in your kitchen. edit to clarify #2 several of y’all have told me to add the fact that i have gotten food poisoning twice in the last three months to my post. i didn’t add it originally because there is no definitive way to determine whether susie was the cause. it could have been bad sushi or a bad salad, but i have gotten food poisoning. i am not sure about my other co-workers but they have all stopped eating the food. so maybe they are making connections about getting sick too. [/INST] yta not for avoiding the cake but for saying why. there are much more diplomatic ways to handle that without outing your coworkers house. </s>
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AITA for taking my daughter’s violin away?
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my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship.
when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him.
as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear.
this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home.
flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now.
my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice.
i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10.
so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there.
i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work.
my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition.
now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all.
aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home.
the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job.
also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of.
| 8,281 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxw44j/aita_for_taking_my_daughters_violin_away/
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2020-07-25 23:03:17
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yta. you moved in with your bf after 3 months of dating and basically told your daughter her goals don’t mean anything and bf is king. it might be his home but thanks to you, now it’s hers as well.
big fat parenting fail mum.
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[deleted]
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yta. for starters, you are a terrible mother. you moved your 15 year old into the home of a man in his fifties that you’ve only known 5 months at this point. you would have known how important her violin was to her and the fact that she had that audition and you could sabotage her like that is horrible. i really hope when she turns 18 she leaves and you never see that precious angel again.
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>all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him
you and your boyfriend both realize that upon moving in, it became *her* home too, right? and she, being a juvenile in the middle of a pandemic, has significantly fewer options to find a different place to practice her violin, which clearly means a lot to her.
but it annoys your new boyfriend, so she can only play when he's not around? he can't tolerate it even just a little? just long enough for her to prepare the morning of an audition? he *really* can't do that for the daughter of the woman he's dating? and you don't care that he can't do that, and expect your fifteen year old to be the mature one in this?
yta.
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yta. girl, the dick *cannot* actually be that good. stop being hypnotized by it and remember you have a daughter who you're supposed to care for.
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yta.
1. he’s not her stepfather, he’s your flavor of the month
2. he’s old enough to be her grandpa
3. you moved her into an apartment with a strange man... i’m sure this won’t turn into a lifetime movie or anything /s
4. your kid seems responsible, you have to warm up prior to performing. your mantoy should have done his work the day before it was due. i’m unsure how your daughter “procrastinating” is a bad thing, but him actually procrastinating is just fine
5. i have a bunch more but i’ve already typed a wall explaining how yta and not a super great mother.
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you've moved yourself and your daughter in with a boyfriend you've known less than 4 months and who's 20 years older than you... what could possibly go wrong here? /s
your daughter is doing something most parents want their kids to do - practice her musical instrument and you're so worried you might offend the boyfriend you want to stop her?
not sure where to begin to describe the many ways in which you appear to be a truly awful parent, but suffice it to say yta here. get yourself and your daughter to safe housing where she can practice and neither of you is tiptoeing around a guy you barely know.
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yta. she had an audition, and your boyfriend can't deal with a violin for one day for her to practice? it's not like this is loud video games, she's playing the violin. you and your boyfriend are absolute assholes and if you continue to treat her like this, you're not going to have much of a relationship with her when she's older.
edit; also, he is not her stepfather.
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yta.
you move her into a strangers house (cause that's what he was to her at 3 months of dating) tell her she can't make noise, back up the stranger rather than your own daughter, fuck up her audition and are now wide eyed and shocked that she isn't talking to you?
excellent parenting.
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started dating in march, and moved into his house in june? you uprooted your daughter's whole life, and now she had to sacrifice her music because of it. definitely yta.
could she have discussed the audition with you both and have a rational discussion? sure, but she's fifteen and apparently not thrilled with the situation that's been forced on her. as her mother, did you know when her audition was? you should have, and as the parent, you should have planned for it and found a way to make it work for everyone. you had to have some idea that you might need to ease the rails a bit.
you refer to him as her stepfather. is that real, or how you think of him? how can you expect her to see him that way after a few months?
c'mon, mom. be better.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship. when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him. as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear. this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home. flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now. my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice. i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10. so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there. i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work. my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition. now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all. aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home. the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job. also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (15) and i (38) moved into my boyfriend’s (56) home a month ago. we’ve been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship. when we moved in, all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend’s home and to be respectful towards him. as with practically all apartments in nyc, space is limited. therefore, every time my daughter practices her violin, everybody else can hear. this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend, and one of his house rules is that she practice when he’s not home. flash forward to last week i wake to her playing away. my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he’s so annoyed and can’t focus right now. my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules. she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple hours and needed to practice. i had told her not wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway. it was 7 and my boyfriend’s work presentation was at 9. my daughter’s audition was at 10. so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she’ll still have time to warm up. we leave her room and soon after, i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow. my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there. i didn’t like my daughter’s tone. she also clearly wasn’t going to stop making noise so i end up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work. my daughter is so mad that she’s shaking when i give her her stuff back. she says she needed to do more than warm up and threw a tantrum before her audition. now it’s a week later and she found out she didn’t make it into the orchestra. she has locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn’t talk to me at all. aita? i was reacting to her disobeying a clear directive from me. she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home. the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend, and he needs to give 100 percent at his job. also, my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of. [/INST] yta. you moved in with your bf after 3 months of dating and basically told your daughter her goals don’t mean anything and bf is king. it might be his home but thanks to you, now it’s hers as well. big fat parenting fail mum. </s>
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AITA for refusing to take off my necklace for my sister's wedding?
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throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious.
i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me.
a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme."
i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale.
she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita?
| 9,567 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wty2zb/aita_for_refusing_to_take_off_my_necklace_for_my/
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2022-08-21 12:08:42
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yta she’s not asking you to throw it away. it seems like a reasonable request to remove it for a few hours. it sounds like you are just being difficult for the sake of it.
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esh. you say you take it off to go swimming, so what was the big deal to take it off for a few hours for the wedding? and of course her behavior yelling and berating you wasn’t acceptable. but really, she wasn’t asking you to cut your hair, or lose weight, she was asking you to change your necklace for less than a day. i think it’s best for everyone if you’re not in the wedding.
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yta… you are willing to take it off when you swim and shower but not for a few hours on your sisters wedding day?
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esh: your sister went from calm to hurricane in a second. not necessary.
it is her wedding. she's not asking you to cut your hair or cover a tattoo with makeup. she's asking you to not wear a necklace.
find a compromise. you'll tuck it in your purse or bra for the wedding and pictures, but wear it for the reception. you'll wear it like a bracelet so it can be hidden by the flowers during pictures.
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yta, you take it off regularly. you won't get struck by lightning if you wear other jewelry at your sister's wedding for a few hours.
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esh. her for being rude/mean after you said no, but if you are willing to take the necklace off for a couple of hours to go swimming, then i’m confused as to why you’d refuse to do the same for this wedding.
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youre sure its just a small cross?
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oof, i’m gonna say nah.
if it’s that important and sentimental to you i can fully understand why you’d want to wear it or feel uncomfortable taking it off.
but in general it’s not uncommon for a bride to determine what jewelry her bridal party is going to wear, or set reasonable limits on what types of metals or accessories they can have. it may be that the religious connotation of the necklace is an issue for the bride or the groom.
i’d have to see the necklace to make a judgement either way in your claim of “small cross” or her claim of “gaudy jewelry” i suspect it’s actually somewhere in between.
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yta. it’s not a tattoo that she’s asking you to remove, it’s a necklace. please don’t let this be the hill you die on; it’s one day, but it’s one of the most important day of your sister’s life.
and btw, you shouldn’t wear it when you’re sleeping; i worked at a jewelry store, and i can’t tell you the number of people who came in with broken necklaces because they slept in them and it got tangled in something.
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i’m gonna go nta here. my sister did this to us at her wedding .. asking me and other bridesmaids to remove jewelry that was important to us. she even asked her best friend to remove a ring that was given to her by her deceased father and she wanted me to remove my engagement ring. it’s not an ok ask. that’s called being a bridezilla. it’s just a cross necklace, how the heck will it clash with the theme of the wedding? is the devil going to be there ? if it’s a sentimental piece of jewelry that you always wear it’s unreasonable to ask someone to remove it.
thanks for the awards ! 🎉
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.2114 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious. i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me. a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme." i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale. she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway: my (25f) sister "cindy" (29f) is getting married in 3 months and she asked me to be her moh. of course, i said yes! cindy and i have always been fairly close, we definitely have our issues, but nothing too serious. i have a small cross necklace that my grandpa gave me when i was 13. i wear it 24/7 unless i'm taking a shower or going swimming. i wear the necklace for sentimental and religious reasons. needless to say, it's extremely important to me. a few days ago, cindy and i were going dress shopping together. cindy's 5 other bridesmaids were also there. while i was trying on one of the dresses, cindy made a comment about my necklace. she told me that i'll have to take my necklace off during her wedding because it "clashes with the dress and the theme." i told her that, while i understand it's her wedding, i will have to refuse her request. she knows how important my necklace is to me and that i almost never take it off. cindy started to get upset and kept insisting that i could take off my "stupid necklace" for one day! i was getting frustrated and i told her that my decision was finale. she was pissed! she told me that if some piece of "gaudy jewelry" was so important, then i'm no longer welcome in her wedding. i started to get emotional, so i quickly changed out of the dress and left the shop. all of the bridesmaids are on cindy's side. they said that i'm being uptight and what cindy wants should be my top priority. aita? [/INST] yta she’s not asking you to throw it away. it seems like a reasonable request to remove it for a few hours. it sounds like you are just being difficult for the sake of it. </s>
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AITA for asking to adopt my SIL’s baby that she’s planning on terminating?
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my younger brother was married to his wife (who he had dated for nearly 2 years) for just over a month before they were involved in an accident in november. my brother passed away while my sil survived with minor injuries and mild brain trauma. she is technically healed, but suffers from trauma induced epilepsy as a result.
last week, my sil told me that she just found out that she is nearly 3 months pregnant with my brother’s child. she told me that she does not know what to do, and that she wants to terminate the pregnancy because she does not want to be a single, widowed mother. she says if my brother was alive she would keep the baby for certain, but now she is grieving and does not feel capable of being a mother for a long long time.
i didn’t tell my parents because my sil swore me to secrecy (
| 3,774 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoeslw/aita_for_asking_to_adopt_my_sils_baby_that_shes/
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2020-01-14 02:30:15
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yta she is in no health to even carry a child you didn't think about her well being. you just thought of yourself and your family. she has every right to do what she decides.
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yta — although i see your good intentions. you’re both grieving, and you obviously want to hold on to a part of him—but that part of him was never yours to begin with.
she went through something horrific, is obviously suffering both mentally and physically, trusted you with this.
again, i see how you probably honestly thought this was a beautiful offer, a great solution, but fuck, also kind of selfish. and the grandparent comment was definitely a cruel guilt trip.
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yta, i honestly am baffled as to how you don't see what you did wrong. you not only pushed your own views about abortion on to her despite how subtly you think you were, but you asked her for her baby? i am stupefied that you would ask a woman who is terminating her pregnancy to go to term and give the baby to you. if you want to adopt, adopt, this is like some twilight zone stuff i am so confused.
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just curious... does anyone else find it odd that sil was treated for brain trauma, but the hospital didn’t test for pregnancy in the gamut of tests that are typically done in such situations?
etas:
* i *do* realize the conception, accident, and hcg test could have all occurred within the ~ 7 day window where the pregnancy would go undetected. i won’t deny that it’s in the realm of possibility. ^however...
* what i was really getting at is that post smells like poopoo — and not just because of a icu pregnancy test or lack thereof.
* i absolutely do not believe all hospitals provide superior care and am saddened (and in some instances infuriated) to read about some of the awful experiences shared in the replies. never, ever meant to infer that those situations don’t happen or offend anyone.
* wow! thanks for the metals, kind strangers! very genuinely appreciated.
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yta. i can tell your heart is in the right place and you truly care.
even though you did this in a sensitive way, it's still an asshole thing to do to someone, because you're essentially expecting your sil to be an incubator and ignoring her feelings.
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yta. and please, please, do not tell your parents about this baby unless your sil is the one to choose to tell them. the last thing this poor woman needs is more people guilt tripping (and yes, i'd classify you bringing them up as a means to sway her to giving you her child as guilt tripping) her into making a choice she didn't want to make.
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yta. all the nta folks seem to be glossing over the serious medical issue she has from the accident, i.e. epilepsy. and it’s not just the pregnancy. it’s the impact it will have on her and the child for eternity. i’m sorry your brother passed, but “offering” her this option completely ignored her grief and the guilt she would feel.
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yta. i am a woman with epilepsy, and i did go through a pregnancy. here's how it was. i threw up every single day, multiple times a day - hyperemesis gravidarum.
i had to change my epilepsy medications, because one of them wasn't safe to be on while pregnant. because of this, i had to undergo increased monitoring, bloodtests once a month, increased dosages of the remaining medication (which had the added side effects of sleeplessness, increasing anxiety, increasing depression), and i couldn't just deliver at my local hospital with a regular obstetrician. no.
i had to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist throughout my pregnancy, which involved two hour trips to another county, and several 6-hour trips to see my neurologist, again, in another county. i had to deliver in another county, at a hospital with a nicu, in case something went wrong.
in fact, something did go wrong. at 25+5, i had a grand mal seizure while driving. my med levels dropped suddenly below seizure threshold. i crossed 4 lanes of traffic in my little coup, hitting a speed limit sign and going up an embankment. if traffic had been going its usual speed, ~50 mph, my baby possibly would have died. as it was, a storm had knocked out power, and traffic was at a crawl, so i didn't hit anyone, and i wasn't going more than 25 mph. i walked away without a scratch.
even giving birth did not make the seizures end. i had two more seizures within 3 months of giving birth, both of which would not have happened if i had not gotten pregnant and had a child.
that is what you're asking her to go through. her decision to terminate is not about you, or what you want. it is about her health. she absolutely can die if she carries this pregnancy to term. in fact, one of the meds she's already on may cause severe birth defects. her pregnancy may not be viable. it's none of your business, and you don't get to push her. furthermore, right now, it's not a grandchild, and yes, that's a guilt-trip.
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yta. women aren’t incubators for you to get children from. you’re thinking about you and your needs and not the fact that she’s an actual person who is struggling right now. also, “my parents will be so happy to meet their grandchild” is 100 percent guilt-tripping her.
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nah but if she literally said she doesn’t feel capable of being a mother, you probably should’ve taken the hint. i mean, she’s not a baby vending machine. i imagine being pregnant while grieving is probably not something she wants.
but you tried to help in a way that would logistically benefit you and her, so i can’t blame you too much for asking. still, think about it from her perspective. she just lost her husband, and now she’ll have to watch the child she would have raised with him being raised by someone else? that’s not as comforting as you might think. she’ll basically be reminded of the life she lost every time she sees her kid calling you mom.
it’s like you’re telling her “since the future you planned for your husband and child is gone, please let me bargain shop in the liquidation sale that is now your life.”
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my younger brother was married to his wife (who he had dated for nearly 2 years) for just over a month before they were involved in an accident in november. my brother passed away while my sil survived with minor injuries and mild brain trauma. she is technically healed, but suffers from trauma induced epilepsy as a result. last week, my sil told me that she just found out that she is nearly 3 months pregnant with my brother’s child. she told me that she does not know what to do, and that she wants to terminate the pregnancy because she does not want to be a single, widowed mother. she says if my brother was alive she would keep the baby for certain, but now she is grieving and does not feel capable of being a mother for a long long time. i didn’t tell my parents because my sil swore me to secrecy (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my younger brother was married to his wife (who he had dated for nearly 2 years) for just over a month before they were involved in an accident in november. my brother passed away while my sil survived with minor injuries and mild brain trauma. she is technically healed, but suffers from trauma induced epilepsy as a result. last week, my sil told me that she just found out that she is nearly 3 months pregnant with my brother’s child. she told me that she does not know what to do, and that she wants to terminate the pregnancy because she does not want to be a single, widowed mother. she says if my brother was alive she would keep the baby for certain, but now she is grieving and does not feel capable of being a mother for a long long time. i didn’t tell my parents because my sil swore me to secrecy ( [/INST] yta she is in no health to even carry a child you didn't think about her well being. you just thought of yourself and your family. she has every right to do what she decides. </s>
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AITA for asking my sister's cop husband to stand watch at my wedding?
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ok so here's the situation...my fiancee's parents (my inlaws) aren't approving of our relationship. we asked why, tried to work it out but to no avail. the drama started once we announced our engagement and sent out wedding invitations. my fiancee's parents lost their invitations after threatning to show up and ruin the wedding. but since the wedding will be held at my house then i won't guarentee that provoking their invitations will stop them, matter of fact that made them more pissed. i kept stressing about that and since our budget could barely cover wedding expenses, i figured hiring security guards won't be possible.
i met up with my sister and her cop husband (we're not close) days ago at my parents house. i told them what's been going on with my inlaws and asked my brother in law if he could secure the wedding and stand watch from start to finish to make sure no shitshows or interruptions will happen. for some reason, the room went radio silence, my brother in law just stared at me and then covered his mouth like he was pissed or something. i explained again how much of wackos my inlaws are basically. and i'm just trying to make sure my wedding won't get ruined. he kept quiet but i told him it's my only way and he perhaps should say yes because of my financial situation.
my sister asked me to follow her to the kitchen then went off on me saying i went way out of line and should stop treating her husband as my servant, and expecting him to do whatever i want just because i felt bold enough to ask. she also said she was appalled that i'd even consider making my brother in law play security guard and not attend the wedding like any other decent guest. i argued that i only asked because he has background when it comes to taking extra percausions and also i can not afford to hire a professional security, that would be a bad idea anyeay cause my friends will start asking questions. but if it's my brother in law *who's experienced in dealing with these kind of situations and knows how to de-escalate than that's a win win. she said i offended him and disrespected him and her as well then told me he doesn't have to do anything for me and my problems are mine to deal and not his to worry about. i said fine but i won't be welcoming him at the wedding then. she berated me saying i'm being an opportunist ah and walked out. they left shortly and my parents said i really shouldn't have asked then pressed the issue by saying brother in law isn't welcome to the wedding if he says no.
aita or were they overreacting?
| 5,580 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tpidmt/aita_for_asking_my_sisters_cop_husband_to_stand/
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2022-03-27 11:52:59
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yta.
can you work for free at my wedding ? no? then don’t come to my wedding.
yep. your the arsehole here.
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yta.
first, you ask your bil to work at your wedding, which is totally inappropriate. he's family. your supposed to want him there to celebrate with you and your fiance, not be a free bouncer.
but wait, you doubled down on your entitlement, telling him that not only should he agree because you don't have a budget for security, but he's uninvited if he doesn't do it.
you should apologize to your bil and elope.
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yta. if your budget is so stressed you can’t afford security, get married at the court house.
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yta. imagine you get invited to a wedding but instead they want you to watch it, for *free* lmao are you actually joking? he's a cop, he has a stressful life that probably takes up 90% of his time and energy already, and now you want him to do it some more, for free, because you can't be an adult and handle your own parents?
literally what were you thinking?
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i have many cop friends and they get over time for paid duty events like these. yta. hire real security. also if he was off the clock he wouldn’t have any authority, and could loose his job doing so.
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omg yta and that’s possibly why your future in-laws are against the wedding. you treated your bil like garbage and made his attendance conditional on working for free at an event where he is supposed to be a welcome guest. you did disrespect him, your sister is absolutely correct. your attitude is entirely selfish here.
if you’re that terrified of your future in-laws ruining everything but insist on going ahead with the wedding, just elope like people have been doing since marriage was invented.
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as a retired leo, you’re so in the wrong here.
1) being expected to work while off duty is overstepping. no one wants to be taken advantage of when they expected to be a guest at a wedding.
2) if you’re in the us, he could be setting himself up to be fired. if your wedding is being held out of his jurisdiction he has zero authority. like absolutely none. even if it is in his jurisdiction, that’s considered off duty work and most departments have strict rules about that. one generally has to submit a request form to be allowed to do off duty work and it must be approved by the officers command.
3) even if he wanted to provide security and was approved by his command to do so, off duty officers don’t want to work for free. i used to work some off duty and was routinely paid upwards of $75/hour. some jobs, especially around the holidays, paid well over $100/hour. having an off duty officer work as security should only be done if it’s needed because we expect to be paid for our training and experience. would you expect a lawyer to hand out free legal advice for 5-6 hours? actually, you probably would.
yta for asking him to solve your problems, for being offended when he said no, and for uninviting him from the wedding because you’re a petty little brat.
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yta. your sister was right, you were being selfish and rude, and you were using him. it's not a "win-win". a win-win situation happens when *both* parties benefit. your suggestion only benefits you, while he would be spending a day he had previously planned to be off work doing something enjoyable working for free and getting sucked into your fiancé's family drama. you are not entitled to command him to do that simply because you can't pay someone for the work. you should feel free to disinvite him. sure it's another sign of you being a self-involved toddler person, but it's also a favor. no wonder your "wacko" in laws are so desperate to be at your wedding. i can't see anyone sane wanting to attend.
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i am sure there is more to this story, like why your fiance's parents don't approve. who revoked the invitation, anyway, you or him?
either way, yta.
no mature adult who is prepared for marriage demands free services from family they are "not close" to, then throws a temper tantrum and says "you're not invited anymore " when they don't get what they want.
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yta. they aren't overreacting at all. he is supposed to be a guest at your wedding, not free 'help'. you are an opportunist.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so here's the situation...my fiancee's parents (my inlaws) aren't approving of our relationship. we asked why, tried to work it out but to no avail. the drama started once we announced our engagement and sent out wedding invitations. my fiancee's parents lost their invitations after threatning to show up and ruin the wedding. but since the wedding will be held at my house then i won't guarentee that provoking their invitations will stop them, matter of fact that made them more pissed. i kept stressing about that and since our budget could barely cover wedding expenses, i figured hiring security guards won't be possible. i met up with my sister and her cop husband (we're not close) days ago at my parents house. i told them what's been going on with my inlaws and asked my brother in law if he could secure the wedding and stand watch from start to finish to make sure no shitshows or interruptions will happen. for some reason, the room went radio silence, my brother in law just stared at me and then covered his mouth like he was pissed or something. i explained again how much of wackos my inlaws are basically. and i'm just trying to make sure my wedding won't get ruined. he kept quiet but i told him it's my only way and he perhaps should say yes because of my financial situation. my sister asked me to follow her to the kitchen then went off on me saying i went way out of line and should stop treating her husband as my servant, and expecting him to do whatever i want just because i felt bold enough to ask. she also said she was appalled that i'd even consider making my brother in law play security guard and not attend the wedding like any other decent guest. i argued that i only asked because he has background when it comes to taking extra percausions and also i can not afford to hire a professional security, that would be a bad idea anyeay cause my friends will start asking questions. but if it's my brother in law *who's experienced in dealing with these kind of situations and knows how to de-escalate than that's a win win. she said i offended him and disrespected him and her as well then told me he doesn't have to do anything for me and my problems are mine to deal and not his to worry about. i said fine but i won't be welcoming him at the wedding then. she berated me saying i'm being an opportunist ah and walked out. they left shortly and my parents said i really shouldn't have asked then pressed the issue by saying brother in law isn't welcome to the wedding if he says no. aita or were they overreacting?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so here's the situation...my fiancee's parents (my inlaws) aren't approving of our relationship. we asked why, tried to work it out but to no avail. the drama started once we announced our engagement and sent out wedding invitations. my fiancee's parents lost their invitations after threatning to show up and ruin the wedding. but since the wedding will be held at my house then i won't guarentee that provoking their invitations will stop them, matter of fact that made them more pissed. i kept stressing about that and since our budget could barely cover wedding expenses, i figured hiring security guards won't be possible. i met up with my sister and her cop husband (we're not close) days ago at my parents house. i told them what's been going on with my inlaws and asked my brother in law if he could secure the wedding and stand watch from start to finish to make sure no shitshows or interruptions will happen. for some reason, the room went radio silence, my brother in law just stared at me and then covered his mouth like he was pissed or something. i explained again how much of wackos my inlaws are basically. and i'm just trying to make sure my wedding won't get ruined. he kept quiet but i told him it's my only way and he perhaps should say yes because of my financial situation. my sister asked me to follow her to the kitchen then went off on me saying i went way out of line and should stop treating her husband as my servant, and expecting him to do whatever i want just because i felt bold enough to ask. she also said she was appalled that i'd even consider making my brother in law play security guard and not attend the wedding like any other decent guest. i argued that i only asked because he has background when it comes to taking extra percausions and also i can not afford to hire a professional security, that would be a bad idea anyeay cause my friends will start asking questions. but if it's my brother in law *who's experienced in dealing with these kind of situations and knows how to de-escalate than that's a win win. she said i offended him and disrespected him and her as well then told me he doesn't have to do anything for me and my problems are mine to deal and not his to worry about. i said fine but i won't be welcoming him at the wedding then. she berated me saying i'm being an opportunist ah and walked out. they left shortly and my parents said i really shouldn't have asked then pressed the issue by saying brother in law isn't welcome to the wedding if he says no. aita or were they overreacting? [/INST] yta. can you work for free at my wedding ? no? then don’t come to my wedding. yep. your the arsehole here. </s>
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AITA for threatening my mom that I'll stop paying the house utilities if she won't respect my sleeping pattern?
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so i got hired on a remote job that pays 3x more than my job before the lockdown. the problem, however, is my working hours are 8 pm to 4 am. because of this, i came a nocturnal person which was never really a problem to me because my brain is more active at night.
my mom, however, didn't like it. she made a rule that all of us should eat together at breakfast every sunday, which means i have to wake up at 7 am on weekend. i can't because i normally sleep around 4 or 5 am, and i can't force my body to sleep early. not to mention, i'm still working from friday night up to saturday morning.
i've been telling my mom not to disturb me on sunday, but she's always like, "no! you sleep early on saturday so you can join us". but i can't! and no, i'm not resorting to sleeping pills or whatever.
so earlier, i got annoyed with her which prompted me to threaten that i'll stop paying the house utilities if she won't respect my sleep schedule. due to the pandemic, my parents' business went bad so they're barely meeting the ends, so my financial assistance is a huge help for them.
mom got mad. dad called me selfish and ungrateful for letting me live at their house rent-free (funny because it's not even free since i'm paying a lot for the utilities).
aita?
| 18,691 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nyt0m6/aita_for_threatening_my_mom_that_ill_stop_paying/
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2021-06-13 09:52:34
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nta. tell her that you'll be happy to have breakfast together as a family when you wake up at noon. you can call it brunch, or you can call it a compromise, whatever she prefers.
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nta if you can move out and let them sort out the mess you leave behind.
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nta
you need to sleep. she is the selfish one here and she is in fact endangering your health.
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nta but come up with a compromise, like a family lunch or dinner instead of breakfast.
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nta. sounds like she's trying to actively sabotage your job. is she in general supportive of your career?
and i'm not sure where all the esh's are coming from. in filipino culture, it's fairly common to live with your parents. and even if it wasn't, it's abusive of her mother to try to dictate her sleep schedule.
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nta, though i would point out that paying part of the utilities isn't the same as rent.
your parents are absolutely the ah for not respecting your sleep schedule. it's not like you're just staying up all night gaming. you have a good job which enables you to help them make ends meet.
you should consider getting your own place if they won't respect you in this important aspect of your life.
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nta - but i'd start looking for somewhere else to live.
will your mother compromise by having dinner instead? maybe have dinner at 6pm one night instead of breakfast?
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nta you have a valid reason for your sleep schedule and you’re an adult anyway. she shouldn’t be so controlling.
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i had to move out of my in laws rv because of this. i worked 10pm-7am. i would get home around 8, take care of my dog, have a shower, then go to bed. so around 9:30-10am.
the rv was away from the house, yet my in laws would insist on waking me up between 12-2 for lunch. every weekend. i worked weekends (retail) as well as most of the week. i would explain that i had only been asleep a few hours and i was exhausted. they would get so upset that i didn't want to have family time. they had family dinners but they expected me to be at both. my husband tried to explain it to them too but they just called me lazy.
yeah. we didn't stay their long. op, if your parents can't respect your sleep hours due to your job, move out. i know you want to help them, but it seems like they don't want to help you. nta but your parents are.
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nta. she is setting an absurd rule that would mess with your sleep and job. she's not only being selfish, but also not understanding at all, even when you're the one paying for all the bills ?!
until you move out, i think you only should threaten to stop paying their part of the utilities, since you still live there and use them. the moment you can move out, tho, you should go away and let them manage on their own, since they don't seem to care about your needs.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i got hired on a remote job that pays 3x more than my job before the lockdown. the problem, however, is my working hours are 8 pm to 4 am. because of this, i came a nocturnal person which was never really a problem to me because my brain is more active at night. my mom, however, didn't like it. she made a rule that all of us should eat together at breakfast every sunday, which means i have to wake up at 7 am on weekend. i can't because i normally sleep around 4 or 5 am, and i can't force my body to sleep early. not to mention, i'm still working from friday night up to saturday morning. i've been telling my mom not to disturb me on sunday, but she's always like, "no! you sleep early on saturday so you can join us". but i can't! and no, i'm not resorting to sleeping pills or whatever. so earlier, i got annoyed with her which prompted me to threaten that i'll stop paying the house utilities if she won't respect my sleep schedule. due to the pandemic, my parents' business went bad so they're barely meeting the ends, so my financial assistance is a huge help for them. mom got mad. dad called me selfish and ungrateful for letting me live at their house rent-free (funny because it's not even free since i'm paying a lot for the utilities). aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i got hired on a remote job that pays 3x more than my job before the lockdown. the problem, however, is my working hours are 8 pm to 4 am. because of this, i came a nocturnal person which was never really a problem to me because my brain is more active at night. my mom, however, didn't like it. she made a rule that all of us should eat together at breakfast every sunday, which means i have to wake up at 7 am on weekend. i can't because i normally sleep around 4 or 5 am, and i can't force my body to sleep early. not to mention, i'm still working from friday night up to saturday morning. i've been telling my mom not to disturb me on sunday, but she's always like, "no! you sleep early on saturday so you can join us". but i can't! and no, i'm not resorting to sleeping pills or whatever. so earlier, i got annoyed with her which prompted me to threaten that i'll stop paying the house utilities if she won't respect my sleep schedule. due to the pandemic, my parents' business went bad so they're barely meeting the ends, so my financial assistance is a huge help for them. mom got mad. dad called me selfish and ungrateful for letting me live at their house rent-free (funny because it's not even free since i'm paying a lot for the utilities). aita? [/INST] nta. tell her that you'll be happy to have breakfast together as a family when you wake up at noon. you can call it brunch, or you can call it a compromise, whatever she prefers. </s>
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Aita for telling my brothers girlfriend the real reason my brother wants a paternity test because he’s telling her something else?
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my brother may be one of the dumbest people alive. i watch a lot of reality tv shows and last month i was watching episodes on youtube of a show called divorce court and paternity court. my brother came into the living room while i was watching the latter and we started watching together. we had a mini competition to see if we could guess if the guy in question is or isn’t the father.
he kept saying things like “the baby looks just like him! look at the ears, nose, that’s his kid” and other things like that and when the results would come back that the guy isn’t the father he would be so shocked. or if it was between two different men, he would choose the guy that he thought resembled the baby more and when it would be the other guys kid, he was awestruck. i explained to him that you can’t just go off facial features to determine paternity but it is a good indicator.
that was like a month ago. my brothers girlfriend called my mom recently crying saying that my brother was having doubts that their five year old daughter is his and that for the past few weeks he’s been distant with the both of them. this was news to all of us. i called my brother and asked him what was up. he said that he just wants 100% proof his daughter is his. i asked him where this was coming from and he said no where. i said that my niece looks just like him and our family and then he said that i’m a hypocrite because i had told him you can’t go off looks to determine dna. then i put two and two together and realized this was stemming from us watching that paternity show! so because he kept guessing wrong, he thinks he was wrong in his daughter being his. i told him did his dumb ass tell that to his girlfriend and he admitted he told her that her ex called and said that he was sleeping with her right before she was meant to conceive so she gives into the test because he knows his reasoning is dumb. i hung up and called my sister in law to tell her to the real reason and my brother called me cussing me out because she refuses to take the test he ordered online and now is taking him to court for a court ordered test along with child support because she’s breaking up with him. he told me i ruined his life because now this dna test comes with a cost of monthly child support when before she was willing to take the test to prove to him she wasn’t cheating.
| 18,647 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iz3jir/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_girlfriend_the_real/
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2020-09-24 19:05:30
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nta. he should stop watching tv shows if he's going to get suspicious of someone all the time.
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nta. your brother was a liar and is now getting what he deserves. it also sounds like he’s not the brightest light in the harbor.
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nta
>my brother may be one of the dumbest people alive
i agree
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nta
your brother ruined his relationship, not you. good for you for not allowing him to lie to her (and accuse her of cheating, since he falsely claimed he got a call from her ex!) you did the right thing. she deserves better.
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nta
he basically told her, without any good reason, that she cheated on him and had another guy’s daughter. so yeah no wonder she’s dumping him. thats on him not you.
your brother needs to smarten up.
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nta
incredible story, couldn't have happened to someone more deserving.
you didn't ruin your brother's relationship by telling his girlfriend the truth about what he did, he ruined the relationship by doing something that, if found out, would ruin the relationship.
huge dumbass move, nearly impossible to pull off, but he did it anyway.
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nta accusing your so of over 5 years of cheating, going distant with an innocent 5 yr old and gf suddenly, and demanding a paternity test put huge fractures in the foundation of their relationship. he did this to himself. instead of dealing with his own fear and paranoia before lying to his gf and taking it out on her and the child, he did the dumbest possible thing. he has no one to blame bit himself. he's taking it out on you because it's easier than admitting he was/is a jackass
your niece and her mom deserve better than to be lied to and treated badly over reality tv.
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esh - shame on all of you saying n-t-a. the bro is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. he should have already married his gf after five years and a baby. he should have asked for the paternity test five years ago had he any doubts at the time. he also lied to his gf about why he wanted the test. that's on him. but what i understand from op is that op's bro wanted a paternity test. then op called him up and asked why? he says that he just wants to be sure (obviously because he has doubts). however, op learns that bro lied to his gf about why he wanted the test. in the ensuing argument, bro calls op a hypocrite and cites the tv show as reference. op goes on to assume bro is only asking for the test because he wants to prove a stupid point. op tries to control the situation - which is not op's business to control - by telling bro's gf that op's assumption regarding bro's motives as though it were fact. this starts a chain of events that eventually leads to bro being screwed out of his paycheck and fulfillment as a father- instead of having a chance to be an involved father without court interference - for the next 13 years! op could have had the conversation with bro as any caring sibling should do, but there was never any reason op should have told bro's gf about any of it. what bro told op was in confidence. op should have never shared that info, but the fact that the result was catastrophic to bro makes it far worse. i would also like to point out that since bro's gf initially agreed to take the test based on the lie - which was that her ex told bro that they had been sleeping together just before bro - pretty much confirms that they had been.
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nta he accused her of cheating after watching a dumb, staged day time tv show, that only does stuff like that for the ratings.
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nta he accused her of cheating because he didn't want to be laughed at for his irrational fear. he chose it was less risky (to him) to hurt her than admit an insecurity. he was wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother may be one of the dumbest people alive. i watch a lot of reality tv shows and last month i was watching episodes on youtube of a show called divorce court and paternity court. my brother came into the living room while i was watching the latter and we started watching together. we had a mini competition to see if we could guess if the guy in question is or isn’t the father. he kept saying things like “the baby looks just like him! look at the ears, nose, that’s his kid” and other things like that and when the results would come back that the guy isn’t the father he would be so shocked. or if it was between two different men, he would choose the guy that he thought resembled the baby more and when it would be the other guys kid, he was awestruck. i explained to him that you can’t just go off facial features to determine paternity but it is a good indicator. that was like a month ago. my brothers girlfriend called my mom recently crying saying that my brother was having doubts that their five year old daughter is his and that for the past few weeks he’s been distant with the both of them. this was news to all of us. i called my brother and asked him what was up. he said that he just wants 100% proof his daughter is his. i asked him where this was coming from and he said no where. i said that my niece looks just like him and our family and then he said that i’m a hypocrite because i had told him you can’t go off looks to determine dna. then i put two and two together and realized this was stemming from us watching that paternity show! so because he kept guessing wrong, he thinks he was wrong in his daughter being his. i told him did his dumb ass tell that to his girlfriend and he admitted he told her that her ex called and said that he was sleeping with her right before she was meant to conceive so she gives into the test because he knows his reasoning is dumb. i hung up and called my sister in law to tell her to the real reason and my brother called me cussing me out because she refuses to take the test he ordered online and now is taking him to court for a court ordered test along with child support because she’s breaking up with him. he told me i ruined his life because now this dna test comes with a cost of monthly child support when before she was willing to take the test to prove to him she wasn’t cheating.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother may be one of the dumbest people alive. i watch a lot of reality tv shows and last month i was watching episodes on youtube of a show called divorce court and paternity court. my brother came into the living room while i was watching the latter and we started watching together. we had a mini competition to see if we could guess if the guy in question is or isn’t the father. he kept saying things like “the baby looks just like him! look at the ears, nose, that’s his kid” and other things like that and when the results would come back that the guy isn’t the father he would be so shocked. or if it was between two different men, he would choose the guy that he thought resembled the baby more and when it would be the other guys kid, he was awestruck. i explained to him that you can’t just go off facial features to determine paternity but it is a good indicator. that was like a month ago. my brothers girlfriend called my mom recently crying saying that my brother was having doubts that their five year old daughter is his and that for the past few weeks he’s been distant with the both of them. this was news to all of us. i called my brother and asked him what was up. he said that he just wants 100% proof his daughter is his. i asked him where this was coming from and he said no where. i said that my niece looks just like him and our family and then he said that i’m a hypocrite because i had told him you can’t go off looks to determine dna. then i put two and two together and realized this was stemming from us watching that paternity show! so because he kept guessing wrong, he thinks he was wrong in his daughter being his. i told him did his dumb ass tell that to his girlfriend and he admitted he told her that her ex called and said that he was sleeping with her right before she was meant to conceive so she gives into the test because he knows his reasoning is dumb. i hung up and called my sister in law to tell her to the real reason and my brother called me cussing me out because she refuses to take the test he ordered online and now is taking him to court for a court ordered test along with child support because she’s breaking up with him. he told me i ruined his life because now this dna test comes with a cost of monthly child support when before she was willing to take the test to prove to him she wasn’t cheating. [/INST] nta. he should stop watching tv shows if he's going to get suspicious of someone all the time. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister and parents that she can never live with me?
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to start with i (26f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (32f). she didn't like having a younger sibling and had no interest in me. she moved out when she was 18 and ceased any contact with me, even going as far as rubbing it in my face how she never wanted to know me, by showing up for christmas at grandparents houses and bringing gifts for our cousins but not me, and by showing up for their birthdays but not mine. the last time i was any way hopeful for us to have a relationship was at our youngest cousins 1st birthday party when i was 15. she brought along her friends and was mocking me for trying to talk to her when i saw her earlier at the party. so i hardened toward her that day and decided if she didn't want to be my sister then i would just need to accept that and move on from her.
she got married when i was 17 and told our parents i was not welcome. our parents tried to change her mind but she was not having it. i thought that was when they realized there was no way we were going to be buddies some day or even real family.
and now they expect me to help her out. she got divorced from her husband four years ago, he got her into a lot of debt and then bailed. they have a 7 year old together. she lost her job recently and she got a new job in my city and then the rental she had planned to move into fell through and she ended up asking me to stay. i told her no. she went to our parents and the three put pressure on me. when i stood by my stance they paid for her to stay in a hotel for a while...
she has not been able to secure a place and apparently lost the job due to a lack of actual address.
they are all saying i turned my back on her and we should help family. i got really frustrated with all of them but especially my parents. she has never wanted a single thing to do to me. she has purposely gone out of her way to hurt my feelings and make it clear i am nothing to her. but i'm supposed to help her out because she's a struggling single mom? after everything? with no apology or actual sign that she doesn't feel the same about me.
where my guilt is coming in to ask this is she has a daughter and i feel bad for her. but her daughter is also a stranger to me. i have never been part of her life and i don't even know if she knows who i am. but still, she's a kid and as a mom now i am wondering if i am being a total dick here like they seem to believe.
aita?
fixed the typo about her being the younger sibling. it's that she didn't like having one. also want to add because it keeps coming up that more could have happened before i was born in the early years that i am not aware of. but all i have ever been told is she reacted negatively to having a sibling and that's all i've ever known from her. i can't say i know of anything that could have caused it.
| 18,957 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jxmrg0/aita_for_telling_my_sister_and_parents_that_she/
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2020-11-20 10:32:40
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nta. an awful situation for the daughter, but this is karma coming for your sister for the way she treated you. you have absolutely no obligation to take her in. she has never treated you as family, so why should you treat her as such? your parents can take her in if she's that desperate for help.
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nta. she made it clear that you are not welcome in her life. you are now returning the favor.
she didn't even want you at her wedding, and probably refused to invite you to any birthdays/parties/holidays at her hose, as well.
nta
she didn't want a relationship, so now she has not relationship.
figure out what you are going to say, with a maximum of three sentences, then keep repeating that. in no way should you continue the conversation; don't let them make you [jade](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2018/03/dealing-with-difficult-family-members-dont-justify-argue-defend-or-explain/). don’t justify, argue, defend, or explain.
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she has spent your entire life excluding you from hers. you don't get to pull the "you're meant to help family" card after doing that. you weren't even welcome in her wedding, so i'd say you're really not her family. you might be biologically related, but you're not family.
if you're ever going to rebuild your relationship, it needs to start with her sincere apology. that has not happened. she isn't sorry about how she has treated you.
i get that their situation suck and you're worried about the child, but your sister has brought this on herself. nta.
if your parents keep guilt tripping you, tell them to take her in then. since she lost her job, there's really no reason for her to stay in your city.
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nta. you have very right to keep your home as a safe place and even if your sister has changed, your feelings haven't and her being there will effect you badly. i think if she moved in, she will continue to treat you as she always has done. but, if you do want offer some kindness to your sister and niece, see if you can offer anything monetary and if that's not possible see if there is any support she can receive in your area.
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nta but what is her reasoning for being so horrible to you? was there a problem when you were kids or teens? what is her disdain for you rooted in? i’m just curious. of course it may not be rational but i’d like to know what she thinks you did to deserve that treatment. not blaming you but there is a big piece of this story missing. it seems your parents would have seen this pattern of ill behavior towards you and they likely know what her problem is, too.
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nta.
your parents must have been aware of your poor relationship with your sister over the years.
they didn't do much to help repair it but now they'll jump in to guilt trip you over this?
stick to your guns.
her daughter is not your concern in any way whatsoever.
i wouldn't even bother with the financial help or gifts that some have suggested.
you are a complete stranger to this child and opening up a relationship with your niece means having her mother in your life.
let your parents put them up in their house.
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nta. stay strong. you aren't obligated to help. she only wants you now because she needs something.dont let her take advantage of you because it will never end.
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nta your parents didn’t care that she treated you like crap, so they can pay for her housing.
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nta. sister made it very clear she wants nothing to do with you and you’re simply abiding by her wishes. furthermore, her daughter’s wellbeing is not, in any way, your responsibility
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nta. “family” isn’t a magic word to get what you want without any accountability. family is as family does.
perhaps you shouldn’t cut off your parents, but you can give them fair warning that any attempt to bring this matter up will bring the conversation to an abrupt end.
edit to make my vote count.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start with i (26f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (32f). she didn't like having a younger sibling and had no interest in me. she moved out when she was 18 and ceased any contact with me, even going as far as rubbing it in my face how she never wanted to know me, by showing up for christmas at grandparents houses and bringing gifts for our cousins but not me, and by showing up for their birthdays but not mine. the last time i was any way hopeful for us to have a relationship was at our youngest cousins 1st birthday party when i was 15. she brought along her friends and was mocking me for trying to talk to her when i saw her earlier at the party. so i hardened toward her that day and decided if she didn't want to be my sister then i would just need to accept that and move on from her. she got married when i was 17 and told our parents i was not welcome. our parents tried to change her mind but she was not having it. i thought that was when they realized there was no way we were going to be buddies some day or even real family. and now they expect me to help her out. she got divorced from her husband four years ago, he got her into a lot of debt and then bailed. they have a 7 year old together. she lost her job recently and she got a new job in my city and then the rental she had planned to move into fell through and she ended up asking me to stay. i told her no. she went to our parents and the three put pressure on me. when i stood by my stance they paid for her to stay in a hotel for a while... she has not been able to secure a place and apparently lost the job due to a lack of actual address. they are all saying i turned my back on her and we should help family. i got really frustrated with all of them but especially my parents. she has never wanted a single thing to do to me. she has purposely gone out of her way to hurt my feelings and make it clear i am nothing to her. but i'm supposed to help her out because she's a struggling single mom? after everything? with no apology or actual sign that she doesn't feel the same about me. where my guilt is coming in to ask this is she has a daughter and i feel bad for her. but her daughter is also a stranger to me. i have never been part of her life and i don't even know if she knows who i am. but still, she's a kid and as a mom now i am wondering if i am being a total dick here like they seem to believe. aita? fixed the typo about her being the younger sibling. it's that she didn't like having one. also want to add because it keeps coming up that more could have happened before i was born in the early years that i am not aware of. but all i have ever been told is she reacted negatively to having a sibling and that's all i've ever known from her. i can't say i know of anything that could have caused it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start with i (26f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (32f). she didn't like having a younger sibling and had no interest in me. she moved out when she was 18 and ceased any contact with me, even going as far as rubbing it in my face how she never wanted to know me, by showing up for christmas at grandparents houses and bringing gifts for our cousins but not me, and by showing up for their birthdays but not mine. the last time i was any way hopeful for us to have a relationship was at our youngest cousins 1st birthday party when i was 15. she brought along her friends and was mocking me for trying to talk to her when i saw her earlier at the party. so i hardened toward her that day and decided if she didn't want to be my sister then i would just need to accept that and move on from her. she got married when i was 17 and told our parents i was not welcome. our parents tried to change her mind but she was not having it. i thought that was when they realized there was no way we were going to be buddies some day or even real family. and now they expect me to help her out. she got divorced from her husband four years ago, he got her into a lot of debt and then bailed. they have a 7 year old together. she lost her job recently and she got a new job in my city and then the rental she had planned to move into fell through and she ended up asking me to stay. i told her no. she went to our parents and the three put pressure on me. when i stood by my stance they paid for her to stay in a hotel for a while... she has not been able to secure a place and apparently lost the job due to a lack of actual address. they are all saying i turned my back on her and we should help family. i got really frustrated with all of them but especially my parents. she has never wanted a single thing to do to me. she has purposely gone out of her way to hurt my feelings and make it clear i am nothing to her. but i'm supposed to help her out because she's a struggling single mom? after everything? with no apology or actual sign that she doesn't feel the same about me. where my guilt is coming in to ask this is she has a daughter and i feel bad for her. but her daughter is also a stranger to me. i have never been part of her life and i don't even know if she knows who i am. but still, she's a kid and as a mom now i am wondering if i am being a total dick here like they seem to believe. aita? fixed the typo about her being the younger sibling. it's that she didn't like having one. also want to add because it keeps coming up that more could have happened before i was born in the early years that i am not aware of. but all i have ever been told is she reacted negatively to having a sibling and that's all i've ever known from her. i can't say i know of anything that could have caused it. [/INST] nta. an awful situation for the daughter, but this is karma coming for your sister for the way she treated you. you have absolutely no obligation to take her in. she has never treated you as family, so why should you treat her as such? your parents can take her in if she's that desperate for help. </s>
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AITA for screenshotting messages guys sent me and sending them to their mothers?
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i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me.
their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like.
am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way?
edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this.
edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.
| 26,608 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvv973/aita_for_screenshotting_messages_guys_sent_me_and/
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2022-04-04 06:29:34
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nta.
the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys".
what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage.
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nta. each of these guys could potentially be charged criminally; instead, you told their mothers. i applaud you for employing a method that will ensure they have some kind of punishment from their families. to be clear, it may not be any more effective overall than reporting to the police, but it's worth the shot.
as for your friends who say you took it too far, i'd ask them how far they think the three guys have gone, and whether that's too far? then tell those "friends" to eff off.
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this is chef's-kiss perfection
nta
smart as heck
please ditch any friend who said this was out of line. men who don't know how to behave get either mom or the police. you chose well.
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this is gold! nta. you actually chose an option that would cause them less trouble for their future. most colleges have pretty strict rules about bullying. they might have been kicked out. you picked the more effective choice without destroying their future. tbh even if you had chosen to report them to the college, you would still have not been the ah. bullying and sexual harassment should never be tolerated.
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nta. they shouldn’t be sending you stuff like that without your consent in the first place! it’s disgusting that some guys think that’s okay to do!
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nta. you did "report" them, just to a different kind of authority. they had no expectation or "right to privacy" of the messages they sent you. good for you.
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nta.
what kind of awful people put the feelings of their friends _harrassers_ over the feelings of their supposed friend?!
the police probably would have done nothing.
whatever app you are using probably would have done nothing.
i think what you did was smart. you put them on blast, but privately, so if they retaliate in a more public way they look even more like assholes.
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nta- not sure where you live but if it’s in the uk this is actually a crime now, and i imagine with its recent legalisation the local police force would be rather interested in this too. i’d go the whole hog, fuck them and their disrespect for your boundaries. this happened to me prior to the change of laws, so i issued a warning that as if anyone shared the imagine with me i’d consider it my property to do as i wish with and share it on social media. never had one again happily enough… these disrespectful sex pests need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and unfortunately from my experience they don’t seem to understand the word no.
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nta. run far, far away from any "friend" who thinks you're in the wrong here. also, please look into reporting these boys to the school, jobs they have, etc. protect yourself, leave a paper trail, screenshot and record everything.
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nta. boys are far too often excused from facing consequences of their actions. if they were being respectful none of this would be an issue. they weren’t. perhaps they’ll think twice before they pull a similar stunt.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm an 18 year old girl who is in college atm. i've been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and nsfw pictures that i'm sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail. i should have reported them or just blocked them but i had, had enough so i screenshot every message they'd sent me and found their mothers through their facebook pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who i am and how their sons have been bothering me. their mothers were horrified and shocked by what i sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think i took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how i don't know what their home life is like. am i the asshole for doing this? should i have gone about it another way? edit due to questions/comments: when it was just standard bullying i reported them but they only got a warning, the messages/pictures started after that as if to prove i couldn't do anything. i figured reporting them again wouldn't work so did this. edit 2: also whoever reported me as worried about my current mental health...thanks? i mean i'm honestly good but thanks. [/INST] nta. the people saying you took it too far are the same ones who would defend those guys behavior as "just guys being guys". what they were doing is organized sexual harassment, and it needs to be forwarded to school administration as well. those are rapists in the larval stage. </s>
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AITA For Making A Gay Sex Joke?
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heya people! i think this is the right sub for this, so let’s get started on the story and y’all can judge me.
my (m22) friends and i were at a friend’s house - jacques (m23), and we were drinking, and chilling. (in a responsible manner!). i’m gay, been out for over a year now!
while we’re drinking, jacques makes a comment, and i turn it into a sex joke, because why not? the atmosphere had been pretty light hearted, everyone was fucking around, all was okay. everyone freezes.
jacques asks me “what the fuck do you mean by that?”, so i explain, and he looks visibly uncomfortable, and tells me that i’m not funny, and that gay men shouldn’t make these sort of jokes around straight people, because it was essentially me hitting on him, and like two other of my friends agree.
the atmosphere doesn’t go quite back to normal, and jacques moves further from me after calling me an “unbelievable asshole”, and so i make an excuse and bounce.
razor, my best friend, who’s gay and has been out for longer than i have, thinks they’re overtly sensitive, and he followed me immediately when i left, and said some choice words about jacques and the two friends who defended him.
i don’t know how to feel. when i was younger, i had issues with boundaries, so maybe i did transgress some, and jacques told me that unless i apologise for making him uncomfortable, i’m not welcome in.
so what do y’all think? aita for making a gay sex joke around a group of mostly straight people?
| 21,207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iq3c6s/aita_for_making_a_gay_sex_joke/
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2020-09-10 13:32:14
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nta once i saw what the joke was. that is incredibly tame and their reaction is a bit homophobic
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nta- the joke you made is obviously about you, not him, and that n no way is hitting on him so he’s definitely being an asshole and a lot homophobic. that joke is not even a joke that applies only to gay people.
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nta. there's no way that joke is in any way hitting on him.
[original post:
info: what was the joke? i can't make a judgement without knowing the joke ]
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>
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nta. your edit as to what happened was pretty funny. jacques just sounds homophobic.
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nta. your joke was funny and not directed at anyone but yourself. your friends are homophobic.
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info: what exactly was the joke?
i'm leaning towards n t a and that your friends are homophobic but
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nta - jacques is apparently one of those homophobic guys who thinks that all gay guys obviously want to bang him. it must be weird to see other people that way. i mean, i doubt he thinks that every single woman who makes some sexual joke is hitting on him so i'm not sure why he would think it's different for gay guys.
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1. nta. jaque needs to grow up.
2. that joke got a real good chuckle out of me.
3. i'm stealing that joke.
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nta. perhaps i am biased because i am a gay man, but there is no way you were "hitting on him". what he is asking you to do is to hide your sexuality and treat your sexual preferences as taboo. if he is permitted to make sex jokes about his own sexuality around you, then what is good for the goose is good for the gander. however, if he is a super-uptight christian and is ascetic about sex, then perhaps you should have known better, but if that's the case, then why would you be friends with him in the first place? come to think of it, why are you friends with this guy at all after he behaved in this "ooh gay people are icky" way?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: heya people! i think this is the right sub for this, so let’s get started on the story and y’all can judge me. my (m22) friends and i were at a friend’s house - jacques (m23), and we were drinking, and chilling. (in a responsible manner!). i’m gay, been out for over a year now! while we’re drinking, jacques makes a comment, and i turn it into a sex joke, because why not? the atmosphere had been pretty light hearted, everyone was fucking around, all was okay. everyone freezes. jacques asks me “what the fuck do you mean by that?”, so i explain, and he looks visibly uncomfortable, and tells me that i’m not funny, and that gay men shouldn’t make these sort of jokes around straight people, because it was essentially me hitting on him, and like two other of my friends agree. the atmosphere doesn’t go quite back to normal, and jacques moves further from me after calling me an “unbelievable asshole”, and so i make an excuse and bounce. razor, my best friend, who’s gay and has been out for longer than i have, thinks they’re overtly sensitive, and he followed me immediately when i left, and said some choice words about jacques and the two friends who defended him. i don’t know how to feel. when i was younger, i had issues with boundaries, so maybe i did transgress some, and jacques told me that unless i apologise for making him uncomfortable, i’m not welcome in. so what do y’all think? aita for making a gay sex joke around a group of mostly straight people?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
heya people! i think this is the right sub for this, so let’s get started on the story and y’all can judge me. my (m22) friends and i were at a friend’s house - jacques (m23), and we were drinking, and chilling. (in a responsible manner!). i’m gay, been out for over a year now! while we’re drinking, jacques makes a comment, and i turn it into a sex joke, because why not? the atmosphere had been pretty light hearted, everyone was fucking around, all was okay. everyone freezes. jacques asks me “what the fuck do you mean by that?”, so i explain, and he looks visibly uncomfortable, and tells me that i’m not funny, and that gay men shouldn’t make these sort of jokes around straight people, because it was essentially me hitting on him, and like two other of my friends agree. the atmosphere doesn’t go quite back to normal, and jacques moves further from me after calling me an “unbelievable asshole”, and so i make an excuse and bounce. razor, my best friend, who’s gay and has been out for longer than i have, thinks they’re overtly sensitive, and he followed me immediately when i left, and said some choice words about jacques and the two friends who defended him. i don’t know how to feel. when i was younger, i had issues with boundaries, so maybe i did transgress some, and jacques told me that unless i apologise for making him uncomfortable, i’m not welcome in. so what do y’all think? aita for making a gay sex joke around a group of mostly straight people? [/INST] nta once i saw what the joke was. that is incredibly tame and their reaction is a bit homophobic </s>
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AITA for exposing the real reason my sister and her bf broke up.
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throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake.
my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him.
the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth.
with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page.
it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life.
aita?
edit 1
i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.
| 25,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/byiwjh/aita_for_exposing_the_real_reason_my_sister_and/
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2019-06-09 10:28:19
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nta
your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that.
>my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life.
it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name.
>i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice.
from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed.
happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳🌈
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nta, but you're going to have trouble dealing with your family, who seems to be going with the "blood is thicker than water" approach.
the only question i have is whether all the things stated could be true; he could be bisexual, she could be homophobic, and he could have cheated on her. in that case, it'd be esh. it might have been worthwhile to confront your sister before exposing her.
|
esh
how do you know that jon didn’t cheat on your sister? why does he get the benefit of the doubt?
also, if you actually cared about your sister, you should have sat down with her and had a discussion about her homophobia. maybe actually try to change her mind. instead, you went out of your way to publicly humiliate her.
it definitely sounds like there is more to this story and y’all need therapy.
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info. can you say for sure that her hate doesnt come from him cheating?
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[deleted]
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yta. how do you know jon didn’t cheat? why is it not ok for your sister to not want to be with a bi person? my last two partners have been and i could tell they were nervous about how i’d react, but i didn’t have to be ok with it. i’m curious as to what these homophobic messages were exactly. i have an extremely hard time believing your sister got that upset about him liking guys and girls. there has to be more to this story and you’re a huge ass for not getting both sides and publicly shaming your family.
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yta based on current information. i do not think you have enough information to exclude the possibility that he was cheating on her. if he was, her statements are true, and he has no room to complain.
if you were certain that sister did not believe ex cheated, you would be n-ta -- because she is telling lies about him. contrary to some commenters, i don't think calling her out
on facebook for private comments made to someone else would be appropriate if she weren't lying about ex.
even in that case, parents are not ta -- you were not obliged to get involved in this situation, and parents are entitled to think (and say) that they don't think you should have. ex has his own facebook account, so is not dependent on you to tell his side of the story.
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yta. there is no need for facebook posts, talk to your sister about it, find out her version. try to talk some sense into her regarding her homophobic behavior.
if you still feel for jon then explain his side to her for her to understand.
if she did lie on her post make her take it back threatening to do what you did.
there are many step you could have done in private instead of going strait to posting something without having all the infomation.
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esh you should have talked to her before putting the screenshots up. she atleast deserved a chance tell her sid of the story knowing that you have this info. her post was a dickmove tho, but so was your posting the screenshots without any warnings. jon's cool tho!
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you mad? definitely nta. she knew what she was getting into when she lied, you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.665712 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway, and i will be keeping this is anonymous as i can, every name will be fake. my sister (cas) 25f and her boyfriend (jon) of 3 years 24m broke up last week, i'm good friends with jon and we chat in a discord server often. i assumed it was a mutual breakup and so asked jon if he was doing ok, he then asked me if i knew the reason they broke up. i said no and he explained that it was because he was bisexual, he even showed me screenshots where it showed how homophobic my sister is, i was shocked and apologized to him. the next day i was scrolling through facebook and noticed my sister had made a post about the breakup, turns out she is claiming that he cheated on her. she must of blocked him so he could not show the actual truth. with jon's permission i posted all the screenshots on my facebook page. it caused my parents to call me and tell me i have to take the post down as my sister has had over 30 people unfriend her, i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. aita? edit 1 i've seen no proof of my sisters claims besides her word. and from what the screenshots showed she absolutely hated the fact that he was bi and wanted nothing to do with him. [/INST] nta your sister wanted to give him a bad name. it's simple as that. >my mum has told me that i'm now ruining my sisters life. it seems your mum is okay with the fact that she made homophobic comments towards her own bf (at the time) and then willingly slander his name. >i've also had messages from my sister that where not so nice. from this, it seems she is mad her plan to make him look like the bad guy failed. happy pride month jon, if he sees this🏳🌈 </s>
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AITA for not telling my soon-to-be wife I have a child from a one night stand?
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aita for not telling my soon-to-be wife that i have a child?
okay kinda long and complicated story but;
when i was 18, i went on a “lads holiday” to phuket in thailand. whilst i was there we met a group of girls, from new zealand and i’m from australia. i slept with one of these girls and she ended up getting pregnant. i’m now 23 and my daughter is 5. i keep in contact as much as i can but obviously it’s difficult with living in different countries.
i met my fiancé about 2 years ago now, and although i planned on telling her, it was never the right time to have the conversation. there was no chance of a relationship happening with the mother of my daughter and i only see my daughter three or four times a year if i’m lucky. my fiancé and i are due to get married in october.
well, last night i tried to have the conversation. did not go well. she said that had i told her when we first got into a relationship she would’ve been absolutely fine with but the fact i kept it from her is upsetting and she’s now talking about rethinking the wedding plans which i think is a little extreme. my friends of course all knew and didn’t tell her which has also upset her as she’s close to them. aita?
| 5,827 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxek3x/aita_for_not_telling_my_soontobe_wife_i_have_a/
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2020-06-05 22:27:13
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yta - how did you manage to see your daughter and not tell your fiancé? i just can’t even fathom why you didn’t tell her early on or how it didn’t come up at any point in your relationship. you’re definitely the ah.
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yta, i’m surprised she’s just rethinking the wedding and not completely leaving you.
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yta that’s something you need to disclose before you even get into a relationship
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of course yta. why would you think you weren't?
never the right time? it seems your not mature enough to have hard conversations.
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yta. you should have been open with her about this *prior* to asking her to marry you. keeping such a massive secret is not a great way to build trust.
that being said, it’s not unforgivable.
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yta. "never the right time"...what a cop out. the minute you knew you wanted the relationship to be long term, you should have told.
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obviously yta.
how the hell do you even need to have us to tell you that you are?
your marriage isn't going ahead.
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yta is this really a question? you'd be ok with your wife suddenly telling you after you're engaged that oh btw she has another baby daddy? and saying she's a "bit extreme" in not trusting you anymore? what other critical life information are you hiding from her? she's right not to trust you anymore. i'd tell her to run far and fast. "there was never the right time" in two years because obviously the right time for you was after you trapped her into marriage. you're a huge red flag.
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your fiance would be stupid to go ahead with the wedding. yta obviously.
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yta.
having a child is a huge deal. your daughter is your financial responsibility and likely a personal responsibility that you take seriously enough that you see this child 3-4 times per year...how did you never mention this for the past 2 years? i think she should be reconsidering your relationship. unfortunately, you've created a deal breaking situation.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for not telling my soon-to-be wife that i have a child? okay kinda long and complicated story but; when i was 18, i went on a “lads holiday” to phuket in thailand. whilst i was there we met a group of girls, from new zealand and i’m from australia. i slept with one of these girls and she ended up getting pregnant. i’m now 23 and my daughter is 5. i keep in contact as much as i can but obviously it’s difficult with living in different countries. i met my fiancé about 2 years ago now, and although i planned on telling her, it was never the right time to have the conversation. there was no chance of a relationship happening with the mother of my daughter and i only see my daughter three or four times a year if i’m lucky. my fiancé and i are due to get married in october. well, last night i tried to have the conversation. did not go well. she said that had i told her when we first got into a relationship she would’ve been absolutely fine with but the fact i kept it from her is upsetting and she’s now talking about rethinking the wedding plans which i think is a little extreme. my friends of course all knew and didn’t tell her which has also upset her as she’s close to them. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for not telling my soon-to-be wife that i have a child? okay kinda long and complicated story but; when i was 18, i went on a “lads holiday” to phuket in thailand. whilst i was there we met a group of girls, from new zealand and i’m from australia. i slept with one of these girls and she ended up getting pregnant. i’m now 23 and my daughter is 5. i keep in contact as much as i can but obviously it’s difficult with living in different countries. i met my fiancé about 2 years ago now, and although i planned on telling her, it was never the right time to have the conversation. there was no chance of a relationship happening with the mother of my daughter and i only see my daughter three or four times a year if i’m lucky. my fiancé and i are due to get married in october. well, last night i tried to have the conversation. did not go well. she said that had i told her when we first got into a relationship she would’ve been absolutely fine with but the fact i kept it from her is upsetting and she’s now talking about rethinking the wedding plans which i think is a little extreme. my friends of course all knew and didn’t tell her which has also upset her as she’s close to them. aita? [/INST] yta - how did you manage to see your daughter and not tell your fiancé? i just can’t even fathom why you didn’t tell her early on or how it didn’t come up at any point in your relationship. you’re definitely the ah. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my wife to take part in designing the basement?
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i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house.
so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want.
my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for.
i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house.
i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here.
| 15,967 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s122pp/aita_for_not_wanting_my_wife_to_take_part_in/
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2022-01-11 02:43:23
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yta, it's not a question of who designs which area; it's the fact that you're saying she can design two areas *which will be for both of you,* and you will take one entire section of this house as your own. this is something that should have been discussed before you bought a home.
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yta. how generous of you to let her decorate shared living spaces for you and future children to enjoy while you get an entire basement for you and your buddies to party in. you cannot seriously believe that is fair? the fair thing would be to make the basement an entertainment room that you both design. you don’t need a man cave, consider your wife.
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yta. you are going to use the main living area and the master bedroom, even if you “let” her design them. but you think it’s fair that you get to have the whole basement as your “man cave”?
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info where are you going to sleep? since it’s her bedroom and her living room and not yours
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yta you are segregating her from a large chunk of the house because you want to impress your friends? yikes, it sounds like you really don’t value her as a human, let alone a wife.
you didn’t ‘let her’ design the rest of the house, you just didn’t put any of the work in because you didn’t want to, right?
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yta. does she get an equal sized space just for her where she can hang with her friends?
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[deleted]
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so wait, does she also get an entire floor of the house all to herself for her hobbies and hanging out with her friends, or is that just a you thing? it's reasonable for each of you to have a room since it seems like there's space, but an entire floor?
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yta. she is right - where is her space? god, man caves are so outdated. you use so much we, you both put the effort in, if you want to share, you have to share and don't get to make decisions on your own. also, since you don't have kids *yet,* her space would not be permanent and she would be forced to give it up.
grow up. build a nice hanging out space together. you are using "allowing" her to decorate the other rooms as leverage to get your way here.
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yta - unless you add a second story that she gets completely free reign to use as her own personal space, her designing common spaces isn't the same as you claiming an entire basement just for you and your friends.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house. so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want. my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for. i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house. i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (26m) just got married to my wife (25f) back in september. my wife and i have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. the house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. we bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house. so we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. i figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so i said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but i wanted to design the basement living area the way that i want. my wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so i told her that i wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever i invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. my wife was angry when i mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for. i was a little irritated after hearing this and so i told my wife that i am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that i just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way i want. i also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra. after i said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that i was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house. i haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but i really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that i want. i’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that i’m being selfish so i wanted to know if i am really being an asshole here. [/INST] yta, it's not a question of who designs which area; it's the fact that you're saying she can design two areas *which will be for both of you,* and you will take one entire section of this house as your own. this is something that should have been discussed before you bought a home. </s>
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AITA for laughing when my friend told me he wanted to name his son Jackson with a G? (Gackson)
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my friends gf is 87 months pregnant and while hanging out the other day the topic of names came up. we kicked around some pretty normal ones (brandon, anthony, hector), when he suddenly threw out jackson, which i actually like.
but then he surprised me by mentioning that he wanted to name him jackson, with a “g”. i immediately bust out laughing and then ask where the hell the g would go. in fact i pretty much fell out of my chair because that shit is hilarious.
well it turns out he wasn’t messing with me and someone on his dad’s side was actually named gackson (pronounced jackson).
i stopped laughing once he made it clear that he was deadass, but he hasn’t spoken to me much in the past two days... aita?
| 18,194 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k85s20/aita_for_laughing_when_my_friend_told_me_he/
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2020-12-07 00:32:55
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nta, gackson is asking for the kid to get bullied, though maybe you shouldn't have laughed, but honestly i would've thought it was a joke too. though i am concerned that your friend's gf is 87 months pregnant, they should get that checked out.
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gesus, what a gackass. nta.
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87 months pregnant
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the laughing may have been a bit insensitive but come on...gackson?! made me immediately think of gack, the homemade silly putty from the 90's, and i'm confident everyone else will pronounce it as gack-son in their heads when they read his name. nta
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tbh i laughed harder at “87 months pregnant” than i did at gack-son
honestly if you refuse to come out of the womb for 87 months you deserve that sort of name.
/s
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nta. i feel bad for future gackson for having to explain to everyone "no... its gackson.... with a g." hopefully you laughing in their face will make them reconsider.
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what a gerk.
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nta. you stopped laughing as soon as you realised it wasn't a joke, so you weren't intentionally rude, and hopefully you've prevented some poor sod coming into the world with the name gackson.
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nooo. poor kid. that's gak-son not jackson.
gack is like slang for crystal meth or something like that as well (among several other unpleasant noises like hacking up a hairball). talk to you friend, for the child's sake
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gackson, born after 87 months jestation
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friends gf is 87 months pregnant and while hanging out the other day the topic of names came up. we kicked around some pretty normal ones (brandon, anthony, hector), when he suddenly threw out jackson, which i actually like. but then he surprised me by mentioning that he wanted to name him jackson, with a “g”. i immediately bust out laughing and then ask where the hell the g would go. in fact i pretty much fell out of my chair because that shit is hilarious. well it turns out he wasn’t messing with me and someone on his dad’s side was actually named gackson (pronounced jackson). i stopped laughing once he made it clear that he was deadass, but he hasn’t spoken to me much in the past two days... aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friends gf is 87 months pregnant and while hanging out the other day the topic of names came up. we kicked around some pretty normal ones (brandon, anthony, hector), when he suddenly threw out jackson, which i actually like. but then he surprised me by mentioning that he wanted to name him jackson, with a “g”. i immediately bust out laughing and then ask where the hell the g would go. in fact i pretty much fell out of my chair because that shit is hilarious. well it turns out he wasn’t messing with me and someone on his dad’s side was actually named gackson (pronounced jackson). i stopped laughing once he made it clear that he was deadass, but he hasn’t spoken to me much in the past two days... aita? [/INST] nta, gackson is asking for the kid to get bullied, though maybe you shouldn't have laughed, but honestly i would've thought it was a joke too. though i am concerned that your friend's gf is 87 months pregnant, they should get that checked out. </s>
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AITA (or I guess are we) for making a family that is tresspassing on my property uncomfortable
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26m. my boyfriend and i live in a lake house. i have two brothers and our father hasn’t been in the picture since i was 15 so and my bfs father left him and his mom when he was really young.
my brothers are 24 and 21. the 24 year old has a gf who i think is 23. my brothers and the gf came to spend the weekend with us.
we have lake front property and a little probate beach area. we have signs up that states it is private property to deter trespassers and cameras that monitor the beach
this afternoon, we had been taking a break after going on jet ski ride, my youngest brother was helping me cook lunch and my other brother and his gf had decided to go down to the beach. they came back up and told me that there were people on our beach. they had asked them to leave, but they didn’t.
my bf went down to investigate and apparently there was a whole boat load containing five adults and four kids. he again asked them to leave and told them it was private property. they refused. he called the police and ate lunch as we waited for the police to come.
over an hour has gone by and the police hasn’t showed up. he had been planning to go down to beach after lunch so we decided to go down and try and annoy the family into leaving. we played music with explicit lyrics (nothing too bad but still) brought down alcoholic drinks and played drinking games. we purposely and out of character acted rowdy not putting a filter on what we said, my boyfriend and i, who are not ones for pda, kept holding hands, making out and stuff because there was a good chance this group of people was homophobic (we live in the south).
after awhile, the group god fed up and left, before the group left one of the women yelled at us “shame on you people for ruining what was supposed to be a nice father’s day for my husband and brother. we just wanted a good day on the lake and didn’t need to witness frat boys gone wild.”
i shrugged and said, “i mean this is my property my family and i can do whatever the fuck we want on it. next time do as your told and stay the fuck away.”
the adults in the group look disgusted, one of them men looked like was about to yell at us for what we said but instead they just drove off.
the police came much later, and obviously weren’t any help. as we discussed what happened my brothers gf mentioned that what we did was immature and kind of rude. and we could have handled it better. were we the assholes?
| 18,395 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hdh3q0/aita_or_i_guess_are_we_for_making_a_family_that/
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2020-06-21 23:41:15
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nta. they're the ones trespassing. honestly, they're lucky that you're not the type that would come down brandishing guns and demanding that they get off your property. clearly they weren't going to leave and honestly, what you did was likely one of the least dramatic ways to resolve this. if the police came and the people refused, they could've ended up spending the day in jail or paying fines for breaking the law.
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nta they're the assholes for trespassing.
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definitely nta. it's your property and they were trespassing. i guess it could have been handled better but i don't think that makes you guys the asholes
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totally nta. i have a farm with 33 acres. one time these two hunters showed up with 5 dogs and shotguns (they were hunters) on my farm. we are fenced and everything. i about lost my *hit. they left right away because i told them i had called the police. people think because you have a lot of property it’s okay if they trespass.
just because you are lakefront makes no difference. i mean, what if you were in a suburb and some random family decided to bbq in your back yard because father’s day?
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nta
they were trespassing, you tried proper avenues and they didn’t pan out. i’m fully on your side here. at least you didn’t do anything violent
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nta , they were clearly trespassing on private property, they just mentioned fathers day to make you feel bad, the couls have probably gone to another beach/lake and do their thing, you politely asked them countless times and they refused
family gets 4/5 assholes becauseuts not exactly bothering you, by the sounds of it you were just making out and getting drunk lol, and
you and your mates and boyfreind get 1/5 assholes because i guess it is fathers day like i said, it didnt seem like it bothered you much
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nta. some people use a shotgun to deal with trespassers. you chose non violent methods. 1. they should never have been on your beach in the first place. 2. they should have left as soon as they were asked.
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are beaches private property though??
where i live beaches/rivers/waterfalls are public. you might not be able to get to it through private property but if they showed up on a boat then it's fair game. just curious how it works in the us
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esh - you were an asshole, but i think you were completely justified. it was on your property. they didn’t have permission to be there and were informed they needed to leave. if they didn’t want to be exposed to asshole behavior then they shouldn’t have trespassed and refused to vacate.
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nta. you asked them to leave, the police took their sweet time showing up, so you took matters into your own hands. it would have been over the line to spray them with a hose or something like that, but all you did was annoy them. which wouldn't have happened if they had simply left to start with. the nerve of these people, acting like they're entitled to a nice father's day on someone else's property.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 26m. my boyfriend and i live in a lake house. i have two brothers and our father hasn’t been in the picture since i was 15 so and my bfs father left him and his mom when he was really young. my brothers are 24 and 21. the 24 year old has a gf who i think is 23. my brothers and the gf came to spend the weekend with us. we have lake front property and a little probate beach area. we have signs up that states it is private property to deter trespassers and cameras that monitor the beach this afternoon, we had been taking a break after going on jet ski ride, my youngest brother was helping me cook lunch and my other brother and his gf had decided to go down to the beach. they came back up and told me that there were people on our beach. they had asked them to leave, but they didn’t. my bf went down to investigate and apparently there was a whole boat load containing five adults and four kids. he again asked them to leave and told them it was private property. they refused. he called the police and ate lunch as we waited for the police to come. over an hour has gone by and the police hasn’t showed up. he had been planning to go down to beach after lunch so we decided to go down and try and annoy the family into leaving. we played music with explicit lyrics (nothing too bad but still) brought down alcoholic drinks and played drinking games. we purposely and out of character acted rowdy not putting a filter on what we said, my boyfriend and i, who are not ones for pda, kept holding hands, making out and stuff because there was a good chance this group of people was homophobic (we live in the south). after awhile, the group god fed up and left, before the group left one of the women yelled at us “shame on you people for ruining what was supposed to be a nice father’s day for my husband and brother. we just wanted a good day on the lake and didn’t need to witness frat boys gone wild.” i shrugged and said, “i mean this is my property my family and i can do whatever the fuck we want on it. next time do as your told and stay the fuck away.” the adults in the group look disgusted, one of them men looked like was about to yell at us for what we said but instead they just drove off. the police came much later, and obviously weren’t any help. as we discussed what happened my brothers gf mentioned that what we did was immature and kind of rude. and we could have handled it better. were we the assholes?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
26m. my boyfriend and i live in a lake house. i have two brothers and our father hasn’t been in the picture since i was 15 so and my bfs father left him and his mom when he was really young. my brothers are 24 and 21. the 24 year old has a gf who i think is 23. my brothers and the gf came to spend the weekend with us. we have lake front property and a little probate beach area. we have signs up that states it is private property to deter trespassers and cameras that monitor the beach this afternoon, we had been taking a break after going on jet ski ride, my youngest brother was helping me cook lunch and my other brother and his gf had decided to go down to the beach. they came back up and told me that there were people on our beach. they had asked them to leave, but they didn’t. my bf went down to investigate and apparently there was a whole boat load containing five adults and four kids. he again asked them to leave and told them it was private property. they refused. he called the police and ate lunch as we waited for the police to come. over an hour has gone by and the police hasn’t showed up. he had been planning to go down to beach after lunch so we decided to go down and try and annoy the family into leaving. we played music with explicit lyrics (nothing too bad but still) brought down alcoholic drinks and played drinking games. we purposely and out of character acted rowdy not putting a filter on what we said, my boyfriend and i, who are not ones for pda, kept holding hands, making out and stuff because there was a good chance this group of people was homophobic (we live in the south). after awhile, the group god fed up and left, before the group left one of the women yelled at us “shame on you people for ruining what was supposed to be a nice father’s day for my husband and brother. we just wanted a good day on the lake and didn’t need to witness frat boys gone wild.” i shrugged and said, “i mean this is my property my family and i can do whatever the fuck we want on it. next time do as your told and stay the fuck away.” the adults in the group look disgusted, one of them men looked like was about to yell at us for what we said but instead they just drove off. the police came much later, and obviously weren’t any help. as we discussed what happened my brothers gf mentioned that what we did was immature and kind of rude. and we could have handled it better. were we the assholes? [/INST] nta. they're the ones trespassing. honestly, they're lucky that you're not the type that would come down brandishing guns and demanding that they get off your property. clearly they weren't going to leave and honestly, what you did was likely one of the least dramatic ways to resolve this. if the police came and the people refused, they could've ended up spending the day in jail or paying fines for breaking the law. </s>
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AITA for secretly muting my wife's emails while on vacation?
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she is hourly, and not paid a high enough wage to warrant her needing to check emails after hours. i'm paid a high salary in a 24/7 production type job. i check my email once a day to make sure i didn't seriously screw the pooch on something before i left, but thats it. i do have a problem with her reading emails and starting to worry about work when she isn't paid to, every time she gets copied on a work email. i get that she doesn't want to walk in blind next week. but she'll have plenty of time to read missed emails on the plane ride home.
am i the asshole to getting her phone and blocking her work email notifications behind her back?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ppemhg/aita_for_secretly_muting_my_wifes_emails_while_on/
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2021-09-16 14:41:47
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yta. you could like... you know... talk to your wife. i get that it comes from a good place, but this is not the right solution.
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yta and i feel like you’ll delete the post once you realise that .
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yta.
hourly jobs are often significantly more precarious than highly-paid salaried jobs, and supervisors are far less respectful. even though your wife isn't paid enough to justify her checking emails after hours, it may be a real expectation, and there may be significant consequences if she doesn't.
if you think her job is toxic and shitty, you have a lot of options for supporting her in getting out of there. while she has the job, you have to trust her judgment about what it requires her to do.
also, your endgame is terrible. if you do this, you guarantee that she'll be horribly stressed on the trip home, and very likely furious at you as well.
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yes, yta. that is her decision for her own job and profession.
you could talk to her, not sneak around and being immature.
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yta. you decided to sabotage your wife's work and treat her like a child you need to manage, not an adult partner. you see *your* work as important but *her* work, her job, is just some cute hobby you just... messed with. for your convenience.
personally? i'd divorce a guy who did this to me, because it means we're not partners. i'd rather live in a studio apartment with a shitty roommate than stay with a dude who thinks he can meddle in my *job*.
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>am i the asshole to getting her phone and blocking her work email notifications behind her back?
yta.
how about you, idk, *talk to her?* like someone who respects their wife as a human being with agency?
"babe, it's okay to ignore your emails while on vacation. that's the point of vacation. let's enjoy our time together and leave work behind."
also, changing anything on someone's phone without permission is rude and creepy. phones are as personal as diaries. do not touch.
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[deleted]
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yta. this is something you should be able to communicate about, not resort to childish, behind the back stuff. if you can’t talk to your partner, why are they your partner?
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wow, controlling much? yta
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yta what makes you feel like you need to compare your two positions in order to determine whether or not she checks her email? the way you described it was very condescending. i hope she moves up in her career and blows your “high pay” out of the water. never criticize someone else’s work ethic . the real world continues to check emails on vacation. for you to block anything on your wife’s phone is out of line.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: she is hourly, and not paid a high enough wage to warrant her needing to check emails after hours. i'm paid a high salary in a 24/7 production type job. i check my email once a day to make sure i didn't seriously screw the pooch on something before i left, but thats it. i do have a problem with her reading emails and starting to worry about work when she isn't paid to, every time she gets copied on a work email. i get that she doesn't want to walk in blind next week. but she'll have plenty of time to read missed emails on the plane ride home. am i the asshole to getting her phone and blocking her work email notifications behind her back?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
she is hourly, and not paid a high enough wage to warrant her needing to check emails after hours. i'm paid a high salary in a 24/7 production type job. i check my email once a day to make sure i didn't seriously screw the pooch on something before i left, but thats it. i do have a problem with her reading emails and starting to worry about work when she isn't paid to, every time she gets copied on a work email. i get that she doesn't want to walk in blind next week. but she'll have plenty of time to read missed emails on the plane ride home. am i the asshole to getting her phone and blocking her work email notifications behind her back? [/INST] yta. you could like... you know... talk to your wife. i get that it comes from a good place, but this is not the right solution. </s>
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AITA for burning my mom's diaries, letters and writings, because I don't want anything to do with her, instead of giving them to my siblings?
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you can probably guess that i had a strained relationship with my mother. she had an affair while married to my dad, and she ended up leaving my dad for her affair partner. my dad was a good man before the affair, but he took it hard and allowed it to destroy him. i was left to play son and parent to him while my mother started a new family.
it was hard to watch her play mom to her new children and pretend like i didn't exist. i might occasionally get a call from her, but she was so busy raising her new kids that she didn't have time for me. it was also hard to understand why those kids had so much more than me (we were poor) and why she was okay with that.
as i got older (teens) she did try to reestablish a relationship with me, but i wasn't interested. she was still trying to mend fences when she died last year, but i will at least give her credit for trying. she tried very hard to have a relationship with me, but my heart was too hardened for that to be possible.
one of the things she left for me was her diaries from the time she was a teenager. she also left me some letters she had kept over the years and some writings. her hope was that i would read them and get to know her better. she wasn't expecting me to forgive her, but it was her way of trying to make up for the years when we had little contact.
my siblings knew about this and asked if they could make copies once i was done with them. i didn't promise them anything.
those diaries sat in my study/home office for many months. i didn't want to read them, but i felt like i needed to do something.
it was a friend of mine that suggested i burn them as a catharsis, which is what i decided to do. i went over to his place one weekend and we burned all of it. he was right. it did make me feel better. i feel like i now can be done with her forever.
when my siblings found out about it they were...upset. they told me that i had no right to do it and if i didn't want the diaries i should have given them away, but i told them that they were mine to do with as i pleased and i had every right to burn them if i wanted.
my wife said she agreed with them and thought my decision was spiteful. she said she felt like i might have even wanted to do it so my siblings could not have the diaries as a way of punishing them. she also feels like it could have been an opportunity for healing as a family that is now lost. my wife bases her opinions on the fact that i didn't discuss my plan with which she thinks is because i knew she'd urge me not to do it.
i don't agree with her take. i did this because i felt like this is what i needed to do to move on from this situation.
but aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhkk7y/aita_for_burning_my_moms_diaries_letters_and/
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2020-06-28 19:21:56
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yta. if you didn’t want them, her other children, who they’d have held sentimental value for, should have had them. this was a really selfish thing to do which hurt your siblings and nobody else.
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> it was a friend of mine that suggested i burn them as a catharsis, which is what i decided to do.
catharsis? nope. you did that out of anger and spite. yta
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yta. you're trying to get off on technicalities because "they were yours" and "you didn't promise them anything." you knew they wanted them. they weren't personal private letters just to you. you could have made them copies and burned your set. you could have given them to your siblings and then gone no contact forever. i think you did it to spite your mom and siblings.
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yta.
holy shit, you need to stop taking out your childhood anger on people who have nothing to do with it and see a therapist.
> he took it hard and allowed it to destroy him. i was left to play son and parent
whatever went wrong in his marriage, failing to parent you is his fault and his responsibility, not your mother's. your mother is responsible only for her own failure to raise you.
> it was hard to watch her play mom to her new children
she didn't "play mom." she was their mother.
>i feel like i now can be done with her forever.
being "done with her forever" would have been passing on her personal effects and moving on with your life, not pointlessly destroying something that would have been treasured people who weren't married to your dad and had nothing to do with your shitty childhood.
>my wife said she agreed with them and thought my decision was spiteful. she said she felt like i might have even wanted to do it so my siblings could not have the diaries as a way of punishing them. she also feels like it could have been an opportunity for healing as a family that is now lost. my wife bases her opinions on the fact that i didn't discuss my plan with which she thinks is because i knew she'd urge me not to do it.
your wife is obviously right about you, and you know it. why play this game? all you're going to accomplish is demonstrating to your wife that her respect for you is misplaced.
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tbh. i've gotta go with the unpopular nah
from what you're saying, your mom basically abandoned you. i went through something similar, the affair, the leaving, etc.
she and i didn't talk for a good ten years, she never reached out, and even though we have somewhat of a relationship now (we will text every few weeks) i still resent her for what she did. and i can empathize with you on that matter.
at the end if the day, she left those to you. and the kids she ignored you for, wanted them. if she wanted them to have them she would've given them to them in the first place, but she gave them to you. if you had promised them copies, that's one thing, but you didn't.
you're just as entitled to closure as anyone else, and if burning them is what it took, so be it. i'm sorry you went through that, and no i don't think there any any ah here.
i do think you should seek therapy though. it might help resolve some buried trauma.
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[deleted]
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i'm going to get downvoted to hell here but as someone whose mother did the same nta. they lost nothing. you lost a lot. i did forgive my mother and now we have a half ass relationship 30 years later. if you feel better then it's your life.
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unpopular nta.
at the end of the day u were the one she hurt and gave u all her stuff to try to heal that pain.
if you felt better burning them, then ur mom was able to help u heal. which was the point of giving u her stuff.
i wish u did scan them and give ur half sibs the copies but u are not ta for not doing it. they had their mom for their whole life, you didn't.
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going against the grain here, i think nta. your mom made her choices and paid for the consequences. those consequences now extended to her kids when she left op the diaries. op is perfectly entitled to do whatever he wants with them, that was the choice his mom made. and his half-sibling aren’t entitled to anything. they can ask, and he can say no. might suck for them but you don’t owe them anything.
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yta and absolutely fucking spiteful and extremely selfish. good to know that you feel better but now what about your siblings? even if you didn't want them, you could've still made copies for your siblings and burn yours. they have just as much right to remember their mother just as you have to not forgive her.
you've just cause possibly irreparable damage to the relationship between you and your siblings. you might have also tore a bit of trust between you and your wife.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: you can probably guess that i had a strained relationship with my mother. she had an affair while married to my dad, and she ended up leaving my dad for her affair partner. my dad was a good man before the affair, but he took it hard and allowed it to destroy him. i was left to play son and parent to him while my mother started a new family. it was hard to watch her play mom to her new children and pretend like i didn't exist. i might occasionally get a call from her, but she was so busy raising her new kids that she didn't have time for me. it was also hard to understand why those kids had so much more than me (we were poor) and why she was okay with that. as i got older (teens) she did try to reestablish a relationship with me, but i wasn't interested. she was still trying to mend fences when she died last year, but i will at least give her credit for trying. she tried very hard to have a relationship with me, but my heart was too hardened for that to be possible. one of the things she left for me was her diaries from the time she was a teenager. she also left me some letters she had kept over the years and some writings. her hope was that i would read them and get to know her better. she wasn't expecting me to forgive her, but it was her way of trying to make up for the years when we had little contact. my siblings knew about this and asked if they could make copies once i was done with them. i didn't promise them anything. those diaries sat in my study/home office for many months. i didn't want to read them, but i felt like i needed to do something. it was a friend of mine that suggested i burn them as a catharsis, which is what i decided to do. i went over to his place one weekend and we burned all of it. he was right. it did make me feel better. i feel like i now can be done with her forever. when my siblings found out about it they were...upset. they told me that i had no right to do it and if i didn't want the diaries i should have given them away, but i told them that they were mine to do with as i pleased and i had every right to burn them if i wanted. my wife said she agreed with them and thought my decision was spiteful. she said she felt like i might have even wanted to do it so my siblings could not have the diaries as a way of punishing them. she also feels like it could have been an opportunity for healing as a family that is now lost. my wife bases her opinions on the fact that i didn't discuss my plan with which she thinks is because i knew she'd urge me not to do it. i don't agree with her take. i did this because i felt like this is what i needed to do to move on from this situation. but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
you can probably guess that i had a strained relationship with my mother. she had an affair while married to my dad, and she ended up leaving my dad for her affair partner. my dad was a good man before the affair, but he took it hard and allowed it to destroy him. i was left to play son and parent to him while my mother started a new family. it was hard to watch her play mom to her new children and pretend like i didn't exist. i might occasionally get a call from her, but she was so busy raising her new kids that she didn't have time for me. it was also hard to understand why those kids had so much more than me (we were poor) and why she was okay with that. as i got older (teens) she did try to reestablish a relationship with me, but i wasn't interested. she was still trying to mend fences when she died last year, but i will at least give her credit for trying. she tried very hard to have a relationship with me, but my heart was too hardened for that to be possible. one of the things she left for me was her diaries from the time she was a teenager. she also left me some letters she had kept over the years and some writings. her hope was that i would read them and get to know her better. she wasn't expecting me to forgive her, but it was her way of trying to make up for the years when we had little contact. my siblings knew about this and asked if they could make copies once i was done with them. i didn't promise them anything. those diaries sat in my study/home office for many months. i didn't want to read them, but i felt like i needed to do something. it was a friend of mine that suggested i burn them as a catharsis, which is what i decided to do. i went over to his place one weekend and we burned all of it. he was right. it did make me feel better. i feel like i now can be done with her forever. when my siblings found out about it they were...upset. they told me that i had no right to do it and if i didn't want the diaries i should have given them away, but i told them that they were mine to do with as i pleased and i had every right to burn them if i wanted. my wife said she agreed with them and thought my decision was spiteful. she said she felt like i might have even wanted to do it so my siblings could not have the diaries as a way of punishing them. she also feels like it could have been an opportunity for healing as a family that is now lost. my wife bases her opinions on the fact that i didn't discuss my plan with which she thinks is because i knew she'd urge me not to do it. i don't agree with her take. i did this because i felt like this is what i needed to do to move on from this situation. but aita? [/INST] yta. if you didn’t want them, her other children, who they’d have held sentimental value for, should have had them. this was a really selfish thing to do which hurt your siblings and nobody else. </s>
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AITA for eating cake in my car so I didn't have to share with my wife and kids?
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i acknowledge, as a father and husband, that a lot of things that were singularly mine before just aren't. wife steals my clothes, wife and kids steal my food, kids steal my phone, i'm fine with it (most of the time), but i just needed one thing to myself without hurting feelings and making someone cry because everybody is sensitive in this house....including me.
i bought a single-serve piece of cake and ate it in my car without any wife sneaking bits or kids licking the chocolate from the top. unfortunately got caught, wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when i told her my reasoning. am i?
| 21,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6nypo/aita_for_eating_cake_in_my_car_so_i_didnt_have_to/
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2022-01-18 03:57:18
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nta, but rookie mistake. next time, eat it in the parking lot of where you bought it and use the outside trash can to throw away the evidence.
source: my ex tried to eat everything i bought.
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let me introduce you to a marvelous concept: decoy chocolate. you get your super special treat, you buy a large amount of the cheapest chocolate the partner/kids eat. throw it at them and while the vultures are distracted inhale your treat.
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nta.
next time, eat it in the grocery store parking lot like a mischievous little raccoon and throw the trash away there too. burn the receipt. destroy all evidence. swear the cashier to secrecy.
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nta.
but seriously also bring your wife a piece. eat yours in the calm, quiet car then be the hero who brought home cake.
win win.
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nta. i hid some expensive chocolates in an empty tampon box in my closet. i replenished that box for years until we moved.
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nta.
i’d ask her if it even occurred to her how you were feeling and why you might choose to eat cake alone in your car.
you matter.
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well, i guess if you're an asshole, so am i. i did the same thing when kids were little. maybe not hiding in the car, but definitely hiding treats from time to time.
you know, if i'd ever been caught, my husband would probably told me i deserved it, anyway, and encouraged me to keep it up. (or even bought me treats.) so i'm going to say nta. savor that chocolate cake, but next time, eat it in the parking lot of the store you bought it from so you won't be caught.
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nta. i eat my chicken sandwiches in the parking lot. discard evidence and then drive home.
sometimes we all need something just to ourselves. i guarantee your wife does something similar.
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>wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when i told her my reasoning. am i?
no. the only dramatic thing here is being upset that someone has a slice of cake in the car. what is there to be upset about?
nta
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nta - you are allowed to have something that's just yours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i acknowledge, as a father and husband, that a lot of things that were singularly mine before just aren't. wife steals my clothes, wife and kids steal my food, kids steal my phone, i'm fine with it (most of the time), but i just needed one thing to myself without hurting feelings and making someone cry because everybody is sensitive in this house....including me. i bought a single-serve piece of cake and ate it in my car without any wife sneaking bits or kids licking the chocolate from the top. unfortunately got caught, wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when i told her my reasoning. am i?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i acknowledge, as a father and husband, that a lot of things that were singularly mine before just aren't. wife steals my clothes, wife and kids steal my food, kids steal my phone, i'm fine with it (most of the time), but i just needed one thing to myself without hurting feelings and making someone cry because everybody is sensitive in this house....including me. i bought a single-serve piece of cake and ate it in my car without any wife sneaking bits or kids licking the chocolate from the top. unfortunately got caught, wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when i told her my reasoning. am i? [/INST] nta, but rookie mistake. next time, eat it in the parking lot of where you bought it and use the outside trash can to throw away the evidence. source: my ex tried to eat everything i bought. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my mom when she acted like nothing happened after my dad cheated?
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my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened.
my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon.
i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore.
a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down.
i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita?
my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early.
i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qpny6l/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_when_she_acted_like/
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2021-11-08 21:40:12
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yta. hear me out. your parents may be swingers, or have an open relationship. you don't know. please cool off. apologize to your mom for yelling at her, then calmly ask "so what's going on?" listen with an open mind.
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yta
it sounds like you dont actually know anything. you told your mom what you saw, so trust she handled it. there may be an explanation, seeing as a kiss on the cheek is nothing. your parents could have an open relationship. maybe your mom cheated first so your dad gets a hallpass. there could be many explanations so if your mom doesn't seem mad or bothered by it, then butt-out of their marriage. it has nothing to do with you.
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esh. it sounds like your mom and dad have an understanding that you know nothing about. but i think since you've caught your dad in a situation that you were clearly not meant to see, it's your parents responsibility to have a conversation with you about it so you're not entirely kept in the dark, especially because this is emotionally effecting you.
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nta op.
to all the people voting y-t-a, i'm sorry, but your views on *"what is and isn't her business"* is completely screwed. now, i'm not saying the parents should sit her down and explain every detail of their marriage. what they **should** do however, is if they have an open relationship like some of you are assuming, is sit her down and explain that to her.
expecting a 14-year-old to just drop this because, *"it's none of her business,"* is a messed up way of viewing it. it is her business, because, guess what? kids are definitely a part of your marriage/relationship if you have them.
if they were keeping this a secret and doing their best to hide it from their kids, fine. but it's no longer hidden, and this is doing more damage to op than good by ignoring it. kids tend to look up to their parents for examples of healthy, and unfortunately, unhealthy relationships.
the parents need to step up and **parent** instead of ignoring op's worries and feelings on this. if mom just wants to ignore it and not confront dad on his cheating, then she should tell her daughter such. if mom and dad have an open relationship, then now that op is in on the secret, she needs to be told **something**.
ignoring this isn't healthy for op's development, nor mental health.
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yta. you told your mom and now it is between her and your dad. stay out of their marriage. they are things going on that you don't know about and have no business prying into.
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i’m not judging a confused child.
what i will say is at 14 i do think you are old enough to have a general sense of what’s going on. you saw something that made you uncomfortable and no one has helped you understand or process it. and if your parents do end up divorcing, that is a choice that effects you. i don’t blame you for wanting information, and i think both your parents could being handling this better.
i think you owe your mom an apology, and that would a great time to approach this in a more honest way.
“mom, i’m sorry i lashed out at you. what i saw really upset me and i don’t know what’s going on. i don’t need to know the details, but i am ready to hear what you wanted to tell me.”
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yta. she doesn't have to handle this according to how you see fit. you're 14 so you may not have realized this yet, but life isn't the movies. people deal differently.
&#x200b;
or perhaps she's okay with it in an open relationship sense and she does not want to explain it to you.
&#x200b;
you need to back off.
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nta everyone on here saying yta i guess has absolutely no sympathy for you in this situation. it is your business the second that they brought it into the house which is your home too. this kid is 14 years old they have every right to have these questions on why the fuck daddy is kissing on someone who isn’t mommy in the kitchen. this is a lot of feelings to deal with as a kid. they are ta for not explaining the situation of what’s going on to their child (if it is an open relationship) before bringing it home… i don’t know why everyone is raving about the parents privacy here? wtf is wrong with you all? think of how traumatic this could be for op which it seems like it is… again this kid is 14
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fucking a, the lack of empathy in here is astounding.
this kid's world has imploded multiple times in days. she's obviously been raised in a stereotypical "nuclear family" and been taught to stand up for herself.
first she finds her dad in a compromising situation, informs her mother about it and finds out 1. her mother obviously knows about it and 2. she's obviously not that concerned about it. how could she not feel betrayed at this point? her dad's a cheater and her mother is condoning it in one way or another by not getting upset about it. she throws her mother's lack of concern back in her face and the seemingly obvious betrayal of her mother's beliefs "to stand up for herself". then she gets patronising "we'll talk when you calm down" and they leave her hanging for days.
so she comes on here and everyone jumps to the conclusion (which may be correct, but wouldn't be obvious to most 14 yo as even a possibility) that her parents are swingers or have an open marriage, and it seems her brother already knew. the gleeful belittling and minimising of this child's trauma in this thread is something i hope people will look back on in shame.
"we did it again reddit"
congratulations, you all successfully shat upon a traumatized 14 year old girl. i hope this was all a writing exercise, but only for op's sake.
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nta
i genuinely dont understand the comments stating y-t-a
absolutely 100% if ops parents are in an opened relationship or poly or whatever, they have to tell their children and 14 is definitely old enough to say "hey, your dad and i love eachother and are married, but we still see other people and this is okay for us."
op found their dad, in what appeared to be a cheating situation to them, in their house.
what if they saw one of their parents doing this in public with a group of friends or something? as parents when you are doing things that have the opportunity to affect your child, physically or emotionally, yes absolutely you have to tell them. op is handling this like any 14 year old would. they are not an adult, and they are barely a teenager. obviously to them this is not just hurtful to their image of their family that they have had since they were a baby, as well as confusing and frustrating.
(edited for judgement)
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.61614 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened. my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon. i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore. a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down. i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita? my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early. i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents have a great relationship...well that's what i thought before what happened. my (14f) parents usually have friends over and always tell me i'm free to have friends over. so it wasn't a surprise when i unlocked the front door and could hear my dad and another woman in the kitchen. since my dad usually calls my name when he hears me opening the door, i thought he probably didn't think i was home yet. i walked to the kitchen to greet my dad but then i saw it. he kissed the woman on the cheek, a woman that isn't mom. both of them were turned, facing away from the door so they didn't see me. my dad proceeded to flirt with the woman until i threw my bag on the ground to get their attention. they pulled apart and dad called out if that was me. i walked into the kitchen and greeted him and the woman then i locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon. i only came out when my mom came home. i helped my mom put away her things and put her weekly flowers in a vase before turning to her and telling her what i saw. she stayed quiet for a moment then told me that she'll take care of it and that i shouldn't worry about it anymore. a few days go by and nothing happens. there was no fight, no arguments, no sour faces at each other, no divorce. nothing that would usually happen to cheaters in movies and stuff. it pissed me off how my mom could continue to joke with my dad after what he did and still cook for him. yesterday after dinner when my dad went to bed i went at her demanding to know what's wrong with her and how she could go on living a life with dad who cheated. she sighed and told me to drop it but i didn't i asked her why she wasn't getting a divorce and why she was putting up with my pos dad. she glared at me and told me to watch my tone and to not disrespect my dad. finally i yelled at her asking why she was defending him and she told me that she'd explain everything once i cooled down. i told my brother (17) the whole story so he could know the truth about my dad but he seemed really irritated. he told me to shut up and not tell anyone else in the family about my dad. he said that if mom said she'd handle, she would. i told him she didn't and that they were still acting as if it happened. he glared at me and told me to calm down and talk to mom like an adult if i wanted to act like one instead of just yelling at her. he also called me an asshole for escalating the situation and making dinners awkward. i don't think i'm the asshole but whatever. aita? my after school activities got cancelled that day and i didn't let my parents know before hand so they didn't expect me to be home so early. i'm just gonna add the timeline: i caught my dad friday after school, told my mom friday night after she came home from work, waited then went at my mom monday night, wrote this post an hour after yelling at her, talked to my cousin are 12am, apologized after school (tuesday) [/INST] yta. hear me out. your parents may be swingers, or have an open relationship. you don't know. please cool off. apologize to your mom for yelling at her, then calmly ask "so what's going on?" listen with an open mind. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband off for wanting me to let my infertile BIL and his wife experience child birth by being with me in the delivery room?
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pleased read the full story.
my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc.
i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off.
bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made.
they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty.
we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there.
| 23,195 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tuh1hm/aita_for_telling_my_husband_off_for_wanting_me_to/
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2022-04-02 11:47:27
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nta - they do need therapy
and it may be his child as well, but he doesn’t get to volunteer his place in the delivery room to them
you and your alone decide who gets in and who doesn’t and at this point your husband doesn’t deserve to be there either
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i am sorry, but your marriage is over. he won't talk to you until you say yes? there is something very wrong with him.
nta. stay strong!
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umm nta but your husband sure is. are you close to your parents? maybe you'd rather have your mom. giving birth is traumatic and stressful and wonderful and it's not about any of them. it's about you and the baby.
i'm not joking, you could die, you are going to experience what amounts to a health crisis, you could be permanently injured. this is not the time for added stress. the most wonderful part about it is when it's over, but there's a long road to get there that you will need support. they have made this about them.
these are some serious red flags. they are treating you like their incubator, not a woman about to put herself at incredible risk. i'd be scared to leave them alone with my child. any of them. you obviously cannot trust your husband to have your back or to respect your autonomy. if it was me, i'd be going home to my mother and getting a lawyer.
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dude, that’s not okay.
the people who are in the room are the mother-to-be’s support system. no one should ever ask to be in there. it is strictly up to the pregnant woman to decide who she thinks will best support her through the process. your husband cannot make that decision for you, and if he’s honestly willing to give up his place so easily, he should no longer be in there with you. him doing this is proof her does not support you.
yes, this is your husbands child. but who is in the delivery room isn’t about the child, it’s about the mother. it’s legit called ‘labor support system’. who supports you throughout the labor.
what your bil and sil want is to watch. they want to see what it’s like, but that isn’t what the role is about. them asking is way over the line. them pushing you is over the line. you‘re husband acting like a dick about it is over the line. none of these people are even supporting you now, so how can you expect them to once the time comes?
right now, your husband is manipulating you. he’s flat out refusing to speak with you until you give in to his demands. not just that, but he’s causing you a crap ton of stress with this whole thing, putting the baby at risk.
i would honestly stay with a family member or friend until you give birth, and let your husband know that if he doesn’t get his shit together, learn to support you and your decision, and clean up his attitude, not only will your bil & sil not be in the room, he won’t be either.
i would seriously reconsider this marriage. he’s attempting to control you and force you to change decisions that are incredibly personal to suit his own desires. you haven’t even given birth yet, but he’s already telling you that if you don’t give in to his every demand, he’ll make your life hell.
your bil&sil have absolutely no place in that room. it is not your job to help them fix their issues by ruining a very personal experience for yourself, and giving up on a support team that is so incredibly vital. they also have no place near your vagina. it isn’t your place to save their marriage. if you and this decision is what’s holding them together, they’re screwed either way.
if you don’t set up this very clear boundary now, and decide to cave in just to make everyone happy, then prepare for this child to be raised by four people. they’ll also want to experience everything else, except for a really good therapist, because why bother with that when they can be coddled by their family?
’we could save their marriage!’ what, by ruining your own?
nta. please, move out of that house, at least until you give birth. this man is putting you and your child at risk by his hostility.
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nta. this is really fucking weird. how long will it be before "watching the birth" means "babysitting" where they actually pretend your baby is theirs? they need therapy and you and your husband need couples counseling.
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oh hell no.
it might be your husband’s child as well.
but it’s **your** medical procedure. it’s **you** who’s lying there, exposed. it’s **you** giving birth.
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nta. ask your husband how he would feel if he was naked in a room with your siblings, naked, with his penis bleeding from pushing a bowling ball out of his urethra? would he like that? i'm guessing no.
**i'd tell him that if he pushes the issue, then he will be banned from the delivery room as well.**
do yourself a favor: list yourself as private, and tell the labor nurses that you absolutely do not want anyone else in the room, give names and pictures as well. those l&d nurses are pros at playing defense.
oh and by the way - and i don't mean to scare you, but there's nothing "graceful" about childbirth. i've seen a few in my career. your husband is delusional and in for a rude awakening.
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i'm concerned husband may be planning to invent a reason why his wife isn't capable of raising the child (ppd, hormones, etc.) and try to give it to his brother.
nta. i think you need to talk to the nurse or hospital admin in advance if possible, explain your fears, and ask if you can put in a directive about who is allowed in, which cannot be overturned even by your husband.
people who set up a nursery and buy baby things when not pregnant actually need therapy not hate, but this is too intrusive.
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nta so much.
>after yelling at me about how this is his child too
you are the one giving birth, not him.
>my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife
that's not his decision to make. your delivery, your comfort zone, your choice.
>help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it
their trauma is not your responsibility and not worth going out of your comfort zone during an extremely stressful and private moment for you for.
at this point it doesn't seem like experiencing childbirth would actually help them process anything anyway. where do they draw the line? will they have to be around for every little step in your child's life too? they need to process this, but being present at your childbirth is not the way.
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>sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made.
no, you *firmly* said there was nothing more to talk about. advocating for yourself and setting hard boundaries when you will be in one of the most vulnerable situations of your life is not only fine, it is your *right* as the person giving birth. don't apologize for this. birth is extremely stressful on the body and can become dangerous in a heartbeat, and you do not need *anyone* in the delivery room who doesn't absolutely need to be there.
that includes your own husband, by the way. i've dealt with infertility myself, and while it does some pretty rough things to you emotionally, your bil and his wife are being way intrusively pushy. i can't imagine coercing or guilting my way anyone *anyone's* delivery room, not even my own daughter unless she actually wanted me there!
nta. while yes, this is also your husband's child, it is your pregnancy and your birth. you are the one who will go through it and shoulder all the medical risks, not him. he is putting you in a terrible position by making you feel this way and he is 100% in the wrong.
stand firm, do not compromise because your safety and well-being is at stake. and also be aware that if the big day comes and your husband is stressing you out, you can ask a nurse to make him leave. you are the patient, and not even the child's father is entitled to stay if the laboring mother doesn't want him there.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: pleased read the full story. my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc. i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off. bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty. we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
pleased read the full story. my husband's brother (bil 37) and his wife (sil 35) struggled with infertility for years after trying so much for long they decided to stop. but started...sort of living the experience of having a child by doing the things that parents do like getting a nursery (they removed it now) buying bany cothes, toys, attending school shows etc etc. i'm 7 months pregnant, and bil & sil has been asking many questions on what's it like to be expecting. it was bothersome with them getting involved but i grin & bear til they requested to be with me in the delivery room to experience child birth. i said no and stood firm but later discovered that my husband "volunteered" his place to give his brother and his wife both a chance to have this experience. we had a fight and i told him off. bil & sil came over later to try to "talk me" into it, i nicely said no but they pushed me so i blew up telling them their fertility problems aren't my fault (harsh i know and regret saying it) and told them to get therapy. sil started crying, bil asked me take time to think but i rudely said there was nothing to think about and my mind's already been made. they left and my husband starte raging, after yelling at me about how this is his child too and how rude and dismissive i was to his grieving and strugglig brother and wife, he told me to look him in the eyes and tell him if i would be happy to ruin his brother's marriage when i can do this small, yet graceful deed and help bil and wife "process" their trauma and finally make peace with it. i felt so much anger i cried, he told me to get over myself already and stop being purposefully selfish and petty. we're not talking now and he says it stays this way til i say yes, i might've acted cruel but i just wanted him as the father of my child to be with me and don't feel comfortable with bil & sil being there. [/INST] nta - they do need therapy and it may be his child as well, but he doesn’t get to volunteer his place in the delivery room to them you and your alone decide who gets in and who doesn’t and at this point your husband doesn’t deserve to be there either </s>
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AITA: exposed my stepbrother as a liar which has caused my mom and his dad to fight.
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(throw away for obvs reason, on mobile, please read everything before commenting, thanks)
so me (15f) and my stepbrother (17m) have never really got on. my mother married his dad when i was 11 and we just never bonded, my mom often tried to encourage us to bond but he never tried.
his dad acted like he was perfect because he always got better grades than me, was better at sports, had “better” friends. and stuff, he was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. and it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother.
well, i found out that he wasn’t so perfect, he had been telling our parents that his band practice was being extended by an hour, but i found out that it wasn’t true. he had been hanging out with his bandmates and often going home and making out and stuff with one of them, who was a guy.
i collected all the evidence i could and left it on the table for our parents to find. it was stuff like pictures of him going out, or some screenshots from his friends' stories.
well, they found it and they were mad. they called him down and he get in serious trouble for lying to them. after he was grounded and sent up to his room i heard my mom admit to his dad that she knew he had been lying and sneaking off to see someone but she thought it was a girl and was mad that she felt lied to.
this lead to an argument between them as he misread it as homophobia rather than her feeling tricked and lied to when she did him a favour by letting it slide. the argument got so bad that he sent my mom to sleep in the guest room and then went behind her back and ungrounded his son after they had a talk.
i feel so bad now that this has caused a fight between my mom and him. my mom has reassured me that i did the right thing, but i can’t stop thinking how it’s my fault that she’s been kicked out of her bedroom. did i mess up? aita?
| 6,838 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qshwpn/aita_exposed_my_stepbrother_as_a_liar_which_has/
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2021-11-12 18:46:33
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yta, jealous, and homophobic. why does it matter that he was seeing a guy?! he likely wanted to avoid this exact scenario where he's now been outed and betrayed by his family.
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omg, a 17yo was hanging out with school friends for an *hour* a day after school while maintaining his grades? oh the humanity!
>he was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. and it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother.
this really didn't endear you to me.
>i collected all the evidence i could and left it on the table for our parents to find.
this is ridiculously dramatic and *creepy*. you stalked your brother.
>but she thought it was a girl
what the *fuck* does that matter? so as long as she thought he was with a girl, she was fine with it, but as soon as she finds out he's with a boy, she *grounds* him. your mom *sucks!*
>my mom has reassured me that i did the right thing
your mom doesn't understand what the right thing was.
yta, and so is your mother. you owe your brother and step-dad a *huge* apology. stop trying to sabotage your brother to make yourself feel better. maybe they can teach you a thing or two, since your mom is lacking in this department.
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op it is never ok to out someone, especially to their parents
&#x200b;
yta for that alone
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yta. i was outed to my homophobic family at 17 and it was hell. frankly, how dare you do that. he wasn’t endangering himself or you. your parents treating him differently is an issue with them, not him. this was horribly cruel.
and, for the record, your mother is homophobic if she wouldn’t have cared were it a girl but cares it was a boy. she knew it was a relationship. she also had no right to know his sexuality. people come out to different groups when they’re ready. he would almost certainly have come out to them when he was ready, and it probably would’ve gone over more smoothly if he’d had time to work out how to do it himself. you created this mess by being vindictive. do you have any idea the damage you’ve inflicted?
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yta
you don’t give one example of your sb being an ah to you, you express incredible jealousy and nothing else with respect to him and you outed him to his parents - a really low move.
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so let me get this straight you tried to out your step brother because you're jealous he's perceived as perfect? 100% yta.
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yta
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> i collected all the evidence i could and left it on the table for our parents to find. it was stuff like pictures of him going out, or some screenshots from his friends' stories.
what a malicious and cruel thing to do. yta
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holy hell, yta. so, you're angry at your stepfather for showing favoritism towards his son and you decide the person to punish is....the son? not only that, you outed him. you really crossed the line on this one. and yeah, your mother is being homophobic.
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yta. first of all you misplaced your petty snitching. your step brother hasn't done anything to you, it's your stepdad who you say rubs in his son being better yet you targeted stepbrother just to prove a point. you outed him for spite on top of that. that makes you a bigtime ah and no wonder you two don't get along.
&#x200b;
your mother felt lied to because she assumed he was with a girl and he wasn't? you and your mother need to get over yourselves.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (throw away for obvs reason, on mobile, please read everything before commenting, thanks) so me (15f) and my stepbrother (17m) have never really got on. my mother married his dad when i was 11 and we just never bonded, my mom often tried to encourage us to bond but he never tried. his dad acted like he was perfect because he always got better grades than me, was better at sports, had “better” friends. and stuff, he was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. and it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother. well, i found out that he wasn’t so perfect, he had been telling our parents that his band practice was being extended by an hour, but i found out that it wasn’t true. he had been hanging out with his bandmates and often going home and making out and stuff with one of them, who was a guy. i collected all the evidence i could and left it on the table for our parents to find. it was stuff like pictures of him going out, or some screenshots from his friends' stories. well, they found it and they were mad. they called him down and he get in serious trouble for lying to them. after he was grounded and sent up to his room i heard my mom admit to his dad that she knew he had been lying and sneaking off to see someone but she thought it was a girl and was mad that she felt lied to. this lead to an argument between them as he misread it as homophobia rather than her feeling tricked and lied to when she did him a favour by letting it slide. the argument got so bad that he sent my mom to sleep in the guest room and then went behind her back and ungrounded his son after they had a talk. i feel so bad now that this has caused a fight between my mom and him. my mom has reassured me that i did the right thing, but i can’t stop thinking how it’s my fault that she’s been kicked out of her bedroom. did i mess up? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(throw away for obvs reason, on mobile, please read everything before commenting, thanks) so me (15f) and my stepbrother (17m) have never really got on. my mother married his dad when i was 11 and we just never bonded, my mom often tried to encourage us to bond but he never tried. his dad acted like he was perfect because he always got better grades than me, was better at sports, had “better” friends. and stuff, he was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. and it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother. well, i found out that he wasn’t so perfect, he had been telling our parents that his band practice was being extended by an hour, but i found out that it wasn’t true. he had been hanging out with his bandmates and often going home and making out and stuff with one of them, who was a guy. i collected all the evidence i could and left it on the table for our parents to find. it was stuff like pictures of him going out, or some screenshots from his friends' stories. well, they found it and they were mad. they called him down and he get in serious trouble for lying to them. after he was grounded and sent up to his room i heard my mom admit to his dad that she knew he had been lying and sneaking off to see someone but she thought it was a girl and was mad that she felt lied to. this lead to an argument between them as he misread it as homophobia rather than her feeling tricked and lied to when she did him a favour by letting it slide. the argument got so bad that he sent my mom to sleep in the guest room and then went behind her back and ungrounded his son after they had a talk. i feel so bad now that this has caused a fight between my mom and him. my mom has reassured me that i did the right thing, but i can’t stop thinking how it’s my fault that she’s been kicked out of her bedroom. did i mess up? aita? [/INST] yta, jealous, and homophobic. why does it matter that he was seeing a guy?! he likely wanted to avoid this exact scenario where he's now been outed and betrayed by his family. </s>
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AITA for insulting a girl's weight after she went off on me for touching her purse on a crowded train?
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train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down.
as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass.
this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away.
i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there.
| 30,472 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cmcou6/aita_for_insulting_a_girls_weight_after_she_went/
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2019-08-05 15:50:44
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nta: funny as fuck.
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nta - anyone who's saying you're an asshole for touching her purse clearly doesn't deal with public transportation. headphones in, face out the window, bag on the seat is a classic "fuck you nobody is gonna sit next to me" move from assholes on these trains. you cannot hold a seat. everyone paid for a ticket and everyone deserves a seat. she deserved a chewing out for how the reacted and for acting like she wasn't aware people were going to ask to sit there.
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esh. i don’t understand why you wouldn’t just tap her on the shoulder if she couldn’t hear you; picking up her purse yourself was a bad move and probably made her very defensive. if i was in that situation i would’ve thought you were stealing it to be honest. i also think her lie may have been part of that; sometimes if you feel threatened on your own the smartest thing to do is say that you’re waiting for a friend, because if anything dodgy was afoot you might scare the potential offender off.
she shouldn’t have made such a scene, but honestly if i were you i would’ve just backed off; it would be awkward to sit there after that anyway. you definitely shouldn’t have made the comment about her weight; it was childish and no matter the situation it’s just not something to insult someone for.
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> **aita for insulting a girl's weight**
yes.
but this is an esh situation.
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esh. i go on crowded trains all the time and this has happened before. a purse usually holds most women's valuables (wallet, phone, charger, keys, hygienic products, etc.), so having someone pick mine up in a crowded train would have made me really scared/disrespected initially, so i get why she initially reacted like "wtf?!". it would have been better to wave in front of her (with appropriate distance) or lightly tap her shoulder to get her attention. you're also an asshole for bringing up her weight when it had nothing to do with the situation. it's a low blow and immature when you could have commented on her shitty attitude instead.
she's an asshole though for lying about saving a seat especially when there's a crowded train. these people are literally the worst.
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esh. her weight was unrelated and unnecessary to bring up so you suck for that. she sucks for not moving her purse and overreacting to you doing it for her. there’s a reasonable expectation in crowded public places that items will be moved if they’re in the way. you touched her purse, not her body.
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esh - she was being a jerk by not picking up her purse to let you sit down, sure. but you made a personal attack on her seemingly out of nowhere. it's one thing to have an argument, but you took it to the level of insulting her.
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esh, two wrongs don't make a right. i understand that you might've been fuming with rage, but insulting someone regardless of what their doing is bad. on top of that, you insulted her with the intention to hurt her feelings.
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esh.
is she horrible? no argument. in fact, the way she's acting sounds like it borders on some kind of mental illness. *way* out of line. nobody needs to put up with that shit.
but... there's something to be said for "when they go low, you go high." you had a long, long list of things you could have said to put her in her place. going after her appearance is the lowest hanging fruit and, honestly... it's beneath you. sure she's an asshole, but that's not a free pass to be one too.
and you know what? your clapback wasn't even all that funny.
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esh. you didn't need to comment on/ or bring up her weight just because she didn't want to give you the extra seat and was huffy about it. she was shitty but in that moment you wanted to be hurtful so you too are also shitty. i don't get this trend of "well this person was an asshole so i was an asshole in response. am i an asshole?" yes, yes sir you are indeed an asshole.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.384 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down. as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass. this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away. i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
train is packed, it's hot, i'm tired and looking for a place to sit. everything was occupied, but at one point i see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. i went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. i asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. i noticed she had headphones in, so i figured i'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as i'm sitting down. as soon as i touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck i was doing. i explained. she then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. i told her i knew for a fact she was alone because i just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. so i started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass. this released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. i saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so i figured i'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. my bad, i'll get up now". i got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as i was walking away. i noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so i kinda wondered if i stepped too much out of line there. [/INST] nta: funny as fuck. </s>
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AITA for embarassing my sister infront of her baby daddy
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i (20f) still live at home with my parents and my 4 younger siblings. my older sister (29f) has her own place where she lives with her son. at the start of the lockdown (march)my sister decided to come stay with us.
my sister had started this rude af habit of snapping her fingers to get someone's attention. like she will say their name once and then start snapping her fingers in their direction. she even does this to my mum and dad.
my nephew (1.8)has a habit of copying any actions we do and this would be one of the rudest things for him to learn so i decided to nip it in the bud before it caught on.
at first i would just tell her to stop doing it cause its rude but she never listened. now, my sister hates it when my siblings and i treat her like our youngling, so i changed tactics and honestly it was more effective than talking to her.
everytime she would start snapping her fingers at anyone, i would walk to her, push down her hand and in the most patronizing voice i could manage, i would say to her, "use your words brenda, we are smart,i promise we will understand". it works like a charm everytime . and everyone finds it funny. well after many months of this, it is now a reflex action as i do it alot.
the other day while her baby daddy(theyre not 2gether)was visiting, she started snapping her fingers at my mum. i was walking by her to go to the kitchen and without thinking i just did the thing and walked on. well the babyman was amused. he burst out into the loudest laugh and cackled for a while. later when he was leaving he told me i was funny and laughed a little more.
apparently babyman told the story to all their friends and they were kekekeing about it and my sister has been hissy since. but she has not done the snappy thing again so i guess it worked.
anyway now everyone is saying that i shouldnt have done that but reddit aita.
eta...when i said it worked like a charm, i meant that in that immediate instance she would stop and call the person by their name although she would repeat the snappy thing again later.
also i had to do it over 10x a day for almost 8 months...so belive me when i say it was reflex....you know an action you do without thinking cause its so obvious.
| 19,274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jggt2n/aita_for_embarassing_my_sister_infront_of_her/
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2020-10-23 05:17:01
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nta. it seems you finally found a solution to her rude behavior. she'll get over it. i wouldn't have fingers to snap had i done that to my mom lol
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so you all asked her to stop and she didn't. you did the push down hand and be condescending thing for months and she still kept rudely snapping her fingers at you. i'm going with you did your best to stop her and she brought this on herself, nta.
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nta-she seems to have no trouble dehumanizing others, so she got a taste of her own medicine. hopefully she learned something.
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nta, she was not only being rude but had full warning of what you were going to do because you always do it. she shouldn't have to be laughed at to change her behavior but if thats where she wants to set the bar so be it.
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nta. if you dont want to be treated like a child brenda, dont act like a child.
*snaps in a z formation*
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wait wait wait...so you have all these siblings but....brenda's got a baby?
oh and nta.
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nta. she seems to have trouble stopping a behavior that i was taught was wrong at about age five. serves her right. maybe this time the lesson will stick with her.
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nta also love love love the phrase babyman instead of baby daddy i am gonna start using that. bbyman!!!!!!!!!
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normally, i wouldn’t go for what you did, but her behavior was absolutely unacceptable and she clearly wasn’t going to stop.
her embarrassment is on her. nta.
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nta, you tried politely telling her to stop and she didn't want to, so you found a better way to do it; maybe she should've stopped if she didn't want to be embarrassed
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) still live at home with my parents and my 4 younger siblings. my older sister (29f) has her own place where she lives with her son. at the start of the lockdown (march)my sister decided to come stay with us. my sister had started this rude af habit of snapping her fingers to get someone's attention. like she will say their name once and then start snapping her fingers in their direction. she even does this to my mum and dad. my nephew (1.8)has a habit of copying any actions we do and this would be one of the rudest things for him to learn so i decided to nip it in the bud before it caught on. at first i would just tell her to stop doing it cause its rude but she never listened. now, my sister hates it when my siblings and i treat her like our youngling, so i changed tactics and honestly it was more effective than talking to her. everytime she would start snapping her fingers at anyone, i would walk to her, push down her hand and in the most patronizing voice i could manage, i would say to her, "use your words brenda, we are smart,i promise we will understand". it works like a charm everytime . and everyone finds it funny. well after many months of this, it is now a reflex action as i do it alot. the other day while her baby daddy(theyre not 2gether)was visiting, she started snapping her fingers at my mum. i was walking by her to go to the kitchen and without thinking i just did the thing and walked on. well the babyman was amused. he burst out into the loudest laugh and cackled for a while. later when he was leaving he told me i was funny and laughed a little more. apparently babyman told the story to all their friends and they were kekekeing about it and my sister has been hissy since. but she has not done the snappy thing again so i guess it worked. anyway now everyone is saying that i shouldnt have done that but reddit aita. eta...when i said it worked like a charm, i meant that in that immediate instance she would stop and call the person by their name although she would repeat the snappy thing again later. also i had to do it over 10x a day for almost 8 months...so belive me when i say it was reflex....you know an action you do without thinking cause its so obvious.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) still live at home with my parents and my 4 younger siblings. my older sister (29f) has her own place where she lives with her son. at the start of the lockdown (march)my sister decided to come stay with us. my sister had started this rude af habit of snapping her fingers to get someone's attention. like she will say their name once and then start snapping her fingers in their direction. she even does this to my mum and dad. my nephew (1.8)has a habit of copying any actions we do and this would be one of the rudest things for him to learn so i decided to nip it in the bud before it caught on. at first i would just tell her to stop doing it cause its rude but she never listened. now, my sister hates it when my siblings and i treat her like our youngling, so i changed tactics and honestly it was more effective than talking to her. everytime she would start snapping her fingers at anyone, i would walk to her, push down her hand and in the most patronizing voice i could manage, i would say to her, "use your words brenda, we are smart,i promise we will understand". it works like a charm everytime . and everyone finds it funny. well after many months of this, it is now a reflex action as i do it alot. the other day while her baby daddy(theyre not 2gether)was visiting, she started snapping her fingers at my mum. i was walking by her to go to the kitchen and without thinking i just did the thing and walked on. well the babyman was amused. he burst out into the loudest laugh and cackled for a while. later when he was leaving he told me i was funny and laughed a little more. apparently babyman told the story to all their friends and they were kekekeing about it and my sister has been hissy since. but she has not done the snappy thing again so i guess it worked. anyway now everyone is saying that i shouldnt have done that but reddit aita. eta...when i said it worked like a charm, i meant that in that immediate instance she would stop and call the person by their name although she would repeat the snappy thing again later. also i had to do it over 10x a day for almost 8 months...so belive me when i say it was reflex....you know an action you do without thinking cause its so obvious. [/INST] nta. it seems you finally found a solution to her rude behavior. she'll get over it. i wouldn't have fingers to snap had i done that to my mom lol </s>
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AITA for possibly making my parents homeless?
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this isn't just me, it includes my twin brother. my brother and i (17m) were an accidental pregnancy. for context, our oldest sibling is 37 and has a kid who goes to our high school. our nearest sibling in age is 28.
my parents always made it clear that we weren't supposed to exist. they were never abusive or neglectful or anything, but they were kind of cold our whole childhood.
my brother and i will graduate high school in about a week, and will be 18 in two weeks. my parents have told us that as soon has we turn 18, we will have to pay rent. neither of us have jobs, and we probably won't be able to get jobs right now.
i confided in my sister that i'm really stressed about this, and she offered to let my brother and i stay with her while we're in university, completely free of charge. i'm really grateful for this, and we're planning on accepting her offer.
i told my parents about this, and they freaked out. i guess my mom was planning to move to part time work and they needed rent from my brother and i to keep up with rent. they said that they have provided for us our whole lives, and we should pay them back now that we're almost adults.
i mean, it's true. they have given us everything we needed for 18 years, and i really don't want them to be homeless if they can't afford the rent, but i don't know how i would even afford to live with them.
aita?
| 17,941 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grza29/aita_for_possibly_making_my_parents_homeless/
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2020-05-28 04:17:17
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nta. your parents are completely in the wrong. they have 6 children, four of whom are actual adults, and their life plan is relying on 2 not even 18 years old financially? that makes no sense. you do not owe your parents anything, to be quite honest. whether or not you were an accident, you are their child, and in that regard they owe you. you do not owe them by virtue of them having birthed you. if they need financial assistance, they should go to their adult children.
don’t worry about getting a job. worry about your education and your emotional wellbeing. go and live with your sister and let your parents figure their own lives out. that’s not your responsibility.
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nta
it is literally their job as parents to provide for you for the first 18 years. you owe them nothing for that
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nta - they’re truing to take advantage of you. when i turned 18, my parents would have let me stay with them for free, if that was what i needed while going to school. they shouldn’t be using you and your brother for extra income. live with your sister.
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>i also feel guilty moving in with my sister, because she has three little kids and a cat to take care of, and i don't want to put any extra strain on her.
remember this, and make sure you're both cleaning up after yourselves and helping around the house when you can. if you contribute and actually help her, you have nothing to feel guilty of.
go to college and be great. nta
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since no one else said it:
>my parents always made it clear that we weren't supposed to exist. they were never abusive or neglectful or anything, but they were kind of cold our whole childhood.
what you are describing here, is abusive! not physically, but psycologically. if your parents made you feel like you shouldn't exist, that is psycological abuse, without a doubt.
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nta
you aren't responsible for your parents.
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[removed]
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ok first and least important, nta.
more importantly, we should hang out sometime. i know we will be friends because of how highly you value your sisters cat.
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nta. your parents are grown adults and should be able to provide for themselves, not rely on their youngest kids. if they needed money, of all people why would they choose to ask the two who are the youngest if they have much older children with their own lives? you are responsible for yourself and your own wellbeing.
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absolutely not the asshole you do not owe your parents for raising you weather they wanted you or not. the point of being 18 and paying rent means you are free to do that wherever you want. they need to get their financial situation in order. move far, far away from them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this isn't just me, it includes my twin brother. my brother and i (17m) were an accidental pregnancy. for context, our oldest sibling is 37 and has a kid who goes to our high school. our nearest sibling in age is 28. my parents always made it clear that we weren't supposed to exist. they were never abusive or neglectful or anything, but they were kind of cold our whole childhood. my brother and i will graduate high school in about a week, and will be 18 in two weeks. my parents have told us that as soon has we turn 18, we will have to pay rent. neither of us have jobs, and we probably won't be able to get jobs right now. i confided in my sister that i'm really stressed about this, and she offered to let my brother and i stay with her while we're in university, completely free of charge. i'm really grateful for this, and we're planning on accepting her offer. i told my parents about this, and they freaked out. i guess my mom was planning to move to part time work and they needed rent from my brother and i to keep up with rent. they said that they have provided for us our whole lives, and we should pay them back now that we're almost adults. i mean, it's true. they have given us everything we needed for 18 years, and i really don't want them to be homeless if they can't afford the rent, but i don't know how i would even afford to live with them. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this isn't just me, it includes my twin brother. my brother and i (17m) were an accidental pregnancy. for context, our oldest sibling is 37 and has a kid who goes to our high school. our nearest sibling in age is 28. my parents always made it clear that we weren't supposed to exist. they were never abusive or neglectful or anything, but they were kind of cold our whole childhood. my brother and i will graduate high school in about a week, and will be 18 in two weeks. my parents have told us that as soon has we turn 18, we will have to pay rent. neither of us have jobs, and we probably won't be able to get jobs right now. i confided in my sister that i'm really stressed about this, and she offered to let my brother and i stay with her while we're in university, completely free of charge. i'm really grateful for this, and we're planning on accepting her offer. i told my parents about this, and they freaked out. i guess my mom was planning to move to part time work and they needed rent from my brother and i to keep up with rent. they said that they have provided for us our whole lives, and we should pay them back now that we're almost adults. i mean, it's true. they have given us everything we needed for 18 years, and i really don't want them to be homeless if they can't afford the rent, but i don't know how i would even afford to live with them. aita? [/INST] nta. your parents are completely in the wrong. they have 6 children, four of whom are actual adults, and their life plan is relying on 2 not even 18 years old financially? that makes no sense. you do not owe your parents anything, to be quite honest. whether or not you were an accident, you are their child, and in that regard they owe you. you do not owe them by virtue of them having birthed you. if they need financial assistance, they should go to their adult children. don’t worry about getting a job. worry about your education and your emotional wellbeing. go and live with your sister and let your parents figure their own lives out. that’s not your responsibility. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay alimony to my cheating ex-wife
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i met my wife in my early 30s. she was in her mid 20s at the time. i was already well established and had made a significant amount of money working as a quant and investing my savings diligently. she on the other hand had never gone to college and was content working for basically minimum wage.
so when i meet her we click instantly and i fall head over heels for her. we get married and move in together, and soon after have three kids. when we were expecting our first born she had told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom. obviously i was jealous but i went along with it since it seemed logical.
so she spends the next 20+ years as a stay at home mom taking care of our kids while i work 12 hour days and then some. i’m not demeaning stay at home moms by the way, but in the context of our marriage she had an extremely easy going life style.
a couple years ago i discovered she had been cheating on me with her friend’s husband. divorced obviously followed.
the only major asset we had in the us was our house, which was a premarital asset. we had a shared bank account, but since i am a finance guy i handled all our investments, and for tax reasons invested it abroad in my home country.
now if we had just grown apart, or she said she was unhappy, i’d have no problem paying what’s fair. but the fact she cheated on me is what makes me resent paying her a cent.
so in the divorce she is awarded half of our investments made during marriage, >90% of which are abroad in my name, along with alimony for 20 years for 30% of my pay.
so here i am given an opportunity to get out of this entirely by moving back to my home country and never looking back. so i sell our house as fast as possible, move the money abroad, and move back to my home country while stringing her along about why it’s taking so long to liquidate our savings. once abroad i immediately stop alimony payments.
now she has no legal recourse (i’ve double checked with lawyers) and is left with her share of the small amount we had in the states.
the reason i’m asking here is that my own children are split on this. my son is on my side 100%, while my daughters are 90% on their mothers side. i figured it would be interesting to see the opinions of people here.
| 18,455 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blpyy3/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_alimony_to_my_cheating/
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2019-05-07 12:14:31
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yta even if she cheated. this isn't about feelings at this point. this is about labor relations. the idea of alimony for the stay at home spouse is that they raised *your* kids, foregoing other work. it doesn't matter that she was working for minimum wage. she gave up opportunities once you had the kids. she didn't save for retirement, because if someone is a primary caregiver the idea is that the spouse who works outside the home takes care of retirement. now that the marriage is over, alimony fulfils your obligation to pay for her half of the labor of raising the children you also wanted.
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nta, prenups are the real deal guys--get one.
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yta
the courts ruled how they ruled. i get why you'd want to and she superstar sucks for cheating on you, but ditching your ordered responsibility is pretty shitty.
also...never seeing your kids just so you can avoid alimony? wow.
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nta. she cheated she doesnt deserve a cent from you. if you had to pay child support i would say different because child support money is supposed to go toward the kids. but since it's just alimony f*ck her. she went and cheated rather then talking to you about if she was unhappy or whatever! so i definitely say you're nta here!
eta just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has awarded me silver and gold awards! i've only been on reddit 2 weeks now so i'm assuming this is a big deal! but i just wanted to say thanks 😁
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nta. people talking about how she was a stay at home mom and that's why she is entitled to this money is the wrong answer. she wanted to be a stay at home mom. that was her choice. she requested it. op supported it. the way op talks it seems like they are pretty well off or that op really knows how to handle money so child care wouldn't have been a problem. in my mind, the (ex)wife cheated and forgoed the alimony payments because of this. why should he continue to support a cheater for 20 more years when he's trying to wash his hands of her? cut that cancer out of his life and move on
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esh. obviously she sucks because she is a cheater and cheaters are always an asshole by default.
you suck because when you married her you agreed to care for each other. the courts are holding you to that original agreement.
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as long as you’re contributing to your children’s needs, no problem.
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nta - fuck reddits obsession. they tried making you a slave for twenty years to prop up a cheater's lifestyle and she essentially gets to retire early.
enjoy the rage. enjoy the freedom. fuck any country that makes slaves of providers (as you'd be jailed if you attempted to retire within this two decades)
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esh. she cheated, you literally fled the country. certainly you must know y’all are both the assholes.
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esh.
i haven't read a convincing comment here to justify nta. you're basically sentencing your children's mother to homelessness, or worse, putting the burden of care on your children to take care of her. how will you feel if your children can't live full lives because they're stuck at home providing for her? you may have left them no choice.
but likewise i really, really don't understand the yta answers - as if your ex did nothing wrong in this scenario... really? top comment currently "yta even if she cheated." so she isn't an asshole at all even if she cheated? when is cheating ever justified? i don't get reddit sometimes.
&#x200b;
edit thread got locked, can't reply to you guys :(
yes, i do think she should be punished for cheating, though i don't think starting from zero is the appropriate one. i can empathize that some people are cheering for 'eye for an eye' devastation here, but i don't believe "he's justified" is always grounds for nta, especially in a case this severe.
two asshole moves still makes op an asshole.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.770882 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i met my wife in my early 30s. she was in her mid 20s at the time. i was already well established and had made a significant amount of money working as a quant and investing my savings diligently. she on the other hand had never gone to college and was content working for basically minimum wage. so when i meet her we click instantly and i fall head over heels for her. we get married and move in together, and soon after have three kids. when we were expecting our first born she had told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom. obviously i was jealous but i went along with it since it seemed logical. so she spends the next 20+ years as a stay at home mom taking care of our kids while i work 12 hour days and then some. i’m not demeaning stay at home moms by the way, but in the context of our marriage she had an extremely easy going life style. a couple years ago i discovered she had been cheating on me with her friend’s husband. divorced obviously followed. the only major asset we had in the us was our house, which was a premarital asset. we had a shared bank account, but since i am a finance guy i handled all our investments, and for tax reasons invested it abroad in my home country. now if we had just grown apart, or she said she was unhappy, i’d have no problem paying what’s fair. but the fact she cheated on me is what makes me resent paying her a cent. so in the divorce she is awarded half of our investments made during marriage, >90% of which are abroad in my name, along with alimony for 20 years for 30% of my pay. so here i am given an opportunity to get out of this entirely by moving back to my home country and never looking back. so i sell our house as fast as possible, move the money abroad, and move back to my home country while stringing her along about why it’s taking so long to liquidate our savings. once abroad i immediately stop alimony payments. now she has no legal recourse (i’ve double checked with lawyers) and is left with her share of the small amount we had in the states. the reason i’m asking here is that my own children are split on this. my son is on my side 100%, while my daughters are 90% on their mothers side. i figured it would be interesting to see the opinions of people here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i met my wife in my early 30s. she was in her mid 20s at the time. i was already well established and had made a significant amount of money working as a quant and investing my savings diligently. she on the other hand had never gone to college and was content working for basically minimum wage. so when i meet her we click instantly and i fall head over heels for her. we get married and move in together, and soon after have three kids. when we were expecting our first born she had told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom. obviously i was jealous but i went along with it since it seemed logical. so she spends the next 20+ years as a stay at home mom taking care of our kids while i work 12 hour days and then some. i’m not demeaning stay at home moms by the way, but in the context of our marriage she had an extremely easy going life style. a couple years ago i discovered she had been cheating on me with her friend’s husband. divorced obviously followed. the only major asset we had in the us was our house, which was a premarital asset. we had a shared bank account, but since i am a finance guy i handled all our investments, and for tax reasons invested it abroad in my home country. now if we had just grown apart, or she said she was unhappy, i’d have no problem paying what’s fair. but the fact she cheated on me is what makes me resent paying her a cent. so in the divorce she is awarded half of our investments made during marriage, >90% of which are abroad in my name, along with alimony for 20 years for 30% of my pay. so here i am given an opportunity to get out of this entirely by moving back to my home country and never looking back. so i sell our house as fast as possible, move the money abroad, and move back to my home country while stringing her along about why it’s taking so long to liquidate our savings. once abroad i immediately stop alimony payments. now she has no legal recourse (i’ve double checked with lawyers) and is left with her share of the small amount we had in the states. the reason i’m asking here is that my own children are split on this. my son is on my side 100%, while my daughters are 90% on their mothers side. i figured it would be interesting to see the opinions of people here. [/INST] yta even if she cheated. this isn't about feelings at this point. this is about labor relations. the idea of alimony for the stay at home spouse is that they raised *your* kids, foregoing other work. it doesn't matter that she was working for minimum wage. she gave up opportunities once you had the kids. she didn't save for retirement, because if someone is a primary caregiver the idea is that the spouse who works outside the home takes care of retirement. now that the marriage is over, alimony fulfils your obligation to pay for her half of the labor of raising the children you also wanted. </s>
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AITA For walking out of my friends wedding?
|
okay, so, my friend has been planning her wedding for nearly 2 years and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. some things have gone down over the last couple of years, a lot of her friends drifted apart, some wouldn't be able to attend for medical reasons and she fell out with a few. out of the 9 bridesmaids she had originally planned, only me and 3 other girls were attending.
day of wedding was hectic, bride got overwhelmed so myself and the other 3 bridesmaids basically whipped everything into order while she calmed down. her hair stylist had cancelled so i reached out to a friend of mine and asked her if she could swing by last minute and help out. she did her hair and apparently the bride didn't like it. the bands she was using were coffee coloured, not white (she didn't have white) and the bobby pins didn't match her hair colour and the ribbons weren't curled right. at one point, she said to my friend 'are you an idiot' and i'd heard enough. i understand that it was stressful but there's no need to name call someone who got all of their equipment last second and drove over 20 minutes to an event of someone they didn't even know, as a favour, not even paid work (though i did offer).
i told bride she had to calm down and she couldn't speak to my friend that way but instead she just ended up yelling at me as well, i told her we were all doing the best we could and she called me pathetic and said it was outrageous that i'd be lecturing her on the most important and stressful day of her life. she said she had half a mind to cut me as a bridesmaid and so i told her i'd save her the trouble and left.
the aftermath was insane! i had the other 3 bridesmaids calling me to tell me i was an ah and was so selfish i couldn't put up with a little attitude for a few hours because she was stressed. bride called me crying about how i betrayed her and how horrible of a friend i am, brides mother (who didn't previously have my phone number) called to tell me how disgusted she was at my attitude and even my boyfriend says i could have sucked it up and it was a total ah move to walk out like that.
my stance was that high stress or not, i don't feel like she should have been calling my friend names and i don't think she should have called me pathetic. stress isn't an excuse to talk down to someone in my opinion, especially people who are trying to help, but i could be wrong.
so i guess, was she acting like the bridezilla i thought she was or aita?
| 18,510 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgy726/aita_for_walking_out_of_my_friends_wedding/
|
2022-03-18 10:23:04
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nta
you're never an asshole for refusing to accept abuse. the way you go about that refusal can make you one, but in your case, all you did was remove yourself from the situation. you did nothing wrong.
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nta. someone came last minute and helped her for free? and she had the audacity to act like that? stress or not that was unacceptable. i hope your friend left too.
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i am still digesting the fact that she started with 9 bridesmaids.
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nta and there’s a reason she started with nine and ended with three
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nta. yeah i can see how this woman has lost a few friends in the past couple of years...
some brides think that just because this is "their day", they can treat people like sh\*t. that's bridezilla entitlement at its finest. you saved her butt and got this in return ? i totally understand you left. good riddance.
|
nta
you don't deserve to be spoken at like that no matter what the circumstances.
you're friend needs to remember what the day is actually supposed to be about & it sounds like she needs to learn some mindful stress relief techniques.
you did the right thing by standing up for your other friend & standing up for yourself.
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it’s crazy how people will always have an excuse for being shitty.
alcohol, anger, stress… i don’t care.
what they are telling you is : whenever i’m in that situation you should accept that i’m shitty.
well, no you don’t ! **i’m proud of you for standing up for your friend **and put your foot down on that bridezilla and stop enabling her behavior.
and worse of all are the other bridesmaids that called you to insult you !
nta
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nta. she threatened to fire you, so you quit first. if the bride wasn’t prepared to lose you as a bridesmaid, she shouldn’t have made that threat.
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nope, nta... rather shocking that you're getting all that blow back... i don't know why anyone would accept that sort of behavior...
boyfriend also sounds like a dick for not backing you, when he didn't even witness what happened...
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nta at all! say you were “stressed” when you give everyone supporting bridezilla a good tongue lashing though…
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so, my friend has been planning her wedding for nearly 2 years and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. some things have gone down over the last couple of years, a lot of her friends drifted apart, some wouldn't be able to attend for medical reasons and she fell out with a few. out of the 9 bridesmaids she had originally planned, only me and 3 other girls were attending. day of wedding was hectic, bride got overwhelmed so myself and the other 3 bridesmaids basically whipped everything into order while she calmed down. her hair stylist had cancelled so i reached out to a friend of mine and asked her if she could swing by last minute and help out. she did her hair and apparently the bride didn't like it. the bands she was using were coffee coloured, not white (she didn't have white) and the bobby pins didn't match her hair colour and the ribbons weren't curled right. at one point, she said to my friend 'are you an idiot' and i'd heard enough. i understand that it was stressful but there's no need to name call someone who got all of their equipment last second and drove over 20 minutes to an event of someone they didn't even know, as a favour, not even paid work (though i did offer). i told bride she had to calm down and she couldn't speak to my friend that way but instead she just ended up yelling at me as well, i told her we were all doing the best we could and she called me pathetic and said it was outrageous that i'd be lecturing her on the most important and stressful day of her life. she said she had half a mind to cut me as a bridesmaid and so i told her i'd save her the trouble and left. the aftermath was insane! i had the other 3 bridesmaids calling me to tell me i was an ah and was so selfish i couldn't put up with a little attitude for a few hours because she was stressed. bride called me crying about how i betrayed her and how horrible of a friend i am, brides mother (who didn't previously have my phone number) called to tell me how disgusted she was at my attitude and even my boyfriend says i could have sucked it up and it was a total ah move to walk out like that. my stance was that high stress or not, i don't feel like she should have been calling my friend names and i don't think she should have called me pathetic. stress isn't an excuse to talk down to someone in my opinion, especially people who are trying to help, but i could be wrong. so i guess, was she acting like the bridezilla i thought she was or aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so, my friend has been planning her wedding for nearly 2 years and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. some things have gone down over the last couple of years, a lot of her friends drifted apart, some wouldn't be able to attend for medical reasons and she fell out with a few. out of the 9 bridesmaids she had originally planned, only me and 3 other girls were attending. day of wedding was hectic, bride got overwhelmed so myself and the other 3 bridesmaids basically whipped everything into order while she calmed down. her hair stylist had cancelled so i reached out to a friend of mine and asked her if she could swing by last minute and help out. she did her hair and apparently the bride didn't like it. the bands she was using were coffee coloured, not white (she didn't have white) and the bobby pins didn't match her hair colour and the ribbons weren't curled right. at one point, she said to my friend 'are you an idiot' and i'd heard enough. i understand that it was stressful but there's no need to name call someone who got all of their equipment last second and drove over 20 minutes to an event of someone they didn't even know, as a favour, not even paid work (though i did offer). i told bride she had to calm down and she couldn't speak to my friend that way but instead she just ended up yelling at me as well, i told her we were all doing the best we could and she called me pathetic and said it was outrageous that i'd be lecturing her on the most important and stressful day of her life. she said she had half a mind to cut me as a bridesmaid and so i told her i'd save her the trouble and left. the aftermath was insane! i had the other 3 bridesmaids calling me to tell me i was an ah and was so selfish i couldn't put up with a little attitude for a few hours because she was stressed. bride called me crying about how i betrayed her and how horrible of a friend i am, brides mother (who didn't previously have my phone number) called to tell me how disgusted she was at my attitude and even my boyfriend says i could have sucked it up and it was a total ah move to walk out like that. my stance was that high stress or not, i don't feel like she should have been calling my friend names and i don't think she should have called me pathetic. stress isn't an excuse to talk down to someone in my opinion, especially people who are trying to help, but i could be wrong. so i guess, was she acting like the bridezilla i thought she was or aita? [/INST] nta you're never an asshole for refusing to accept abuse. the way you go about that refusal can make you one, but in your case, all you did was remove yourself from the situation. you did nothing wrong. </s>
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AITA for refusing to name our daughter Karen?
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my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.
| 24,237 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfdbk3/aita_for_refusing_to_name_our_daughter_karen/
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2020-10-21 13:58:40
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nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life.
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i personally feel like the "karen" thing will die off one day, and our childrens' generation will likely not know anything about it. however, i can see where you would still be adamant about not wanting to name her that. there is a bit of a stigma around that name today. i think you guys should take a different route in name picking and just steer clear of tribute naming. good luck!!! nta
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nta. give her 2 middle names and pick a completely new first name? or if there is a way to combine your mom's name and her mom's name to create a new name, that might be cool. orrrrr, maybe you could suggest something like corinne (could be spelled different ways like korrine or karyn - this is my middle name and it's spelled caryn) or carley (karlie, karley) or ren? then it's kinda still got some of her mom's name in it to honor her, but also gives your daugther her own name, too.
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nta. i get where you are coming from. we did the same thing except we used my mom's middle name as her first name. that way we knew it was a tribute to my mom but no one else needed to know. this was also long before the karen meme started. another reason we chose the middle name is we felt it would be weird and a little uncomfortable for me to have to discipline my child (which thankfully didn't happen often) and use my mom's name at the same time.
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nah. you both have good reasons, you suggested a compromise and you've discussed veto power. i think the only solution you can find is to convince her to accept other suggestions and find something else you both agree on.
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nah but you're being quite silly, mate. memes don't live 20 years.
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your baby will thank you for not naming her karen. nta.
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nah. i have come around to really hating the name memes. i have used "karen" as an insult a few times, but i regret it now. it sucks because real people have that name and it's really not fair to them. it's not like there's anything inherently bad about the name karen. it's actually a pretty name beyond that context. all that to say, i understand where your wife is coming from and i do think the meme thing is likely to die off by the time your daughter is of an age to be bullied by it. plus, there are a ton of people named karen who go about living their lives with this name and no problems.
however, i also understand where you're coming from. you don't want to put an unnecessary burden on your daughter. i also think the fact that your chosen name now gets priority might have something to do with your wife's resentment. why don't you sit down together and come up with a mutually agreed upon alternative. maybe even a variation of the name like "kara".
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leaning towards esh, in that you're using the karen thing to "win" the competition of whose mother gets to be the namesake. it's clear to see why your wife would feel slighted when you would get your way thanks to a random passing fad. use them both as middle names and pick something else as a first name.
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yta the karen meme needs to die a quick death and karen as a name is an extremely normal name. dislike it away and use your veto, but you need to stop calling her mothers name a meme. that’s just mean to your wife.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
|
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.167705 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i recently found out we’re having a daughter. we hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. when we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. her mom’s name was karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. i told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but i can’t okay “karen” as a first name in any case. she got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks i have a problem with that. i just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. i told her i’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on karen. [/INST] nta, it was a normal name, now it’s a joke. imagine “baby karen”. people are gonna make jokes all her life. </s>
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AITA for going into the ladies room?
|
i am a 31 yo man and was at a large store yesterday with my 5mo son when he did what babies do. i went over to the restrooms and saw that there wasn't a family/companion restroom, just a men's and women's. i went into the men's room and saw there was a cubicle and a few urinals, but no changing table. the sink didn't have a counter either.
i walked out and hunted down an employee to ask where the changing table was. she said it was in the bathroom, and i asked where, assuming there was a family/companion restroom on the other side of the store. she took me back to where i just was. i asked if there was another bathroom, and she said no. i told her i was just in the bathroom and there was no changing table. she asked if i was sure and suggested i look again.
i was annoyed, but i went back in the men's room. no changing table. when i came out the employee was gone. keep in mind, my son has been in his poopy diaper this whole time. so i give up and head into the lady's room which sure enough had a changing table. there was a woman in there washing her hands, and she said "wrong bathroom, buddy."
i gestured to my son and said "no changing table in the men's room." she laughed and said "bro, that sucks." then she walked out. so i rush to change him, hoping to be done before anyone else walked in. i'm almost done when a woman walks in and starts screaming at me. i tried to explain what i was doing, but she kept screaming "get out! you can't be here!" then she ran out.
i finished putting the diaper on and rushed out of the bathroom. i saw the woman talking to an employee and decided to leave without my stuff. the employee tried to wave me down and stop me, but i rushed out to my car, buckled my son into his carseat and left.
my wife said i absolutely did the right thing, but my mom said i'm an idiot and was 100% in the wrong. my sister won't stop laughing at me and is no help at all. aita?
| 22,291 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkbtw7/aita_for_going_into_the_ladies_room/
|
2022-06-25 10:05:28
|
nta
that store is 100% to blame for this. i wouldn't be shocked if they've received complaints about this in the past and haven't done anything about it. your mom was way out of line. you needed to change your kid. what'd she expect you to do, change him on the floor??? drive home with him in a dirty diaper??? your wife is right. you did the right thing and that lady was rude. who does that?!? screams at a father for changing his kid's dirty diaper.....
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nta. if anything you did wrong by rushing out as if you did something wrong. you should have told the employee that there's no changing room in the men's and that they should do something about that.
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nta a guy i went to high school with went on a one-man campaign to get changing tables installed in men's rooms for circumstances just as this. take up the mantle! https://www.huffpost.com/entry/baby-changing-tables-men-restrooms\_n\_6949076
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nta. i've never felt threatened by a man changing a poopy diaper.
(maybe i should feel threatened since they have the most dangerous weapon ever).
|
the mcdonald's i used to work at didn't originally have a changing table in the mens room. (they did eventually get one when they remodeled)
had guys come to me a few times before for this same reason and what i did was make sure the ladies room was empty, let the dude in and wait outside till he finished so i could let any women know the situation.
the employee should have done that or something like it rather than insisting you were wrong and ditching you.
the baby comes first so definitely nta
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nta but that woman sure was. not your fault the men's room had no changing table. what does your mom suggest you should have done?
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absolutely nta. but the woman that was screaming sure is.
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nta you have every right to find a clean and secure space to change your son even if it's in a women's bathroom. the store could easily get with the 21st century by installing a changing space in the men's and chose not to so that's on them.
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if i saw a man walk into the women's bathroom with a baby, i wouldn't even think twice. stores need to be more open to the fact that dad's change diapers too
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nta. you are 100% in the right. you need to take this up with the store. next time, change the pooey nappy on their checkout. actually, that's probably going a bit far. we don't know the screaming woman's situation or why she reacted the way she did, but on the face of it, she overreacted, especially by not giving you a chance to explain. the initial employee was rude and dismissive. i'm really sorry that you had to go through that. that's no excuse for that sort of oversight by the store in this day and age. again, you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a 31 yo man and was at a large store yesterday with my 5mo son when he did what babies do. i went over to the restrooms and saw that there wasn't a family/companion restroom, just a men's and women's. i went into the men's room and saw there was a cubicle and a few urinals, but no changing table. the sink didn't have a counter either. i walked out and hunted down an employee to ask where the changing table was. she said it was in the bathroom, and i asked where, assuming there was a family/companion restroom on the other side of the store. she took me back to where i just was. i asked if there was another bathroom, and she said no. i told her i was just in the bathroom and there was no changing table. she asked if i was sure and suggested i look again. i was annoyed, but i went back in the men's room. no changing table. when i came out the employee was gone. keep in mind, my son has been in his poopy diaper this whole time. so i give up and head into the lady's room which sure enough had a changing table. there was a woman in there washing her hands, and she said "wrong bathroom, buddy." i gestured to my son and said "no changing table in the men's room." she laughed and said "bro, that sucks." then she walked out. so i rush to change him, hoping to be done before anyone else walked in. i'm almost done when a woman walks in and starts screaming at me. i tried to explain what i was doing, but she kept screaming "get out! you can't be here!" then she ran out. i finished putting the diaper on and rushed out of the bathroom. i saw the woman talking to an employee and decided to leave without my stuff. the employee tried to wave me down and stop me, but i rushed out to my car, buckled my son into his carseat and left. my wife said i absolutely did the right thing, but my mom said i'm an idiot and was 100% in the wrong. my sister won't stop laughing at me and is no help at all. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a 31 yo man and was at a large store yesterday with my 5mo son when he did what babies do. i went over to the restrooms and saw that there wasn't a family/companion restroom, just a men's and women's. i went into the men's room and saw there was a cubicle and a few urinals, but no changing table. the sink didn't have a counter either. i walked out and hunted down an employee to ask where the changing table was. she said it was in the bathroom, and i asked where, assuming there was a family/companion restroom on the other side of the store. she took me back to where i just was. i asked if there was another bathroom, and she said no. i told her i was just in the bathroom and there was no changing table. she asked if i was sure and suggested i look again. i was annoyed, but i went back in the men's room. no changing table. when i came out the employee was gone. keep in mind, my son has been in his poopy diaper this whole time. so i give up and head into the lady's room which sure enough had a changing table. there was a woman in there washing her hands, and she said "wrong bathroom, buddy." i gestured to my son and said "no changing table in the men's room." she laughed and said "bro, that sucks." then she walked out. so i rush to change him, hoping to be done before anyone else walked in. i'm almost done when a woman walks in and starts screaming at me. i tried to explain what i was doing, but she kept screaming "get out! you can't be here!" then she ran out. i finished putting the diaper on and rushed out of the bathroom. i saw the woman talking to an employee and decided to leave without my stuff. the employee tried to wave me down and stop me, but i rushed out to my car, buckled my son into his carseat and left. my wife said i absolutely did the right thing, but my mom said i'm an idiot and was 100% in the wrong. my sister won't stop laughing at me and is no help at all. aita? [/INST] nta that store is 100% to blame for this. i wouldn't be shocked if they've received complaints about this in the past and haven't done anything about it. your mom was way out of line. you needed to change your kid. what'd she expect you to do, change him on the floor??? drive home with him in a dirty diaper??? your wife is right. you did the right thing and that lady was rude. who does that?!? screams at a father for changing his kid's dirty diaper..... </s>
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AITA for getting an entire table for myself after my husband and his mom didn't save me a seat?
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i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded.
last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming.
thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home.
i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty.
i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now.
i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.
| 27,951 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w77sl5/aita_for_getting_an_entire_table_for_myself_after/
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2022-07-24 22:26:48
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nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years?
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nta.
1) they could have booked a table with the appropriate seating.
2) they could have pulled up a chair and budged up if a random extra guest turned up.
3) they could have split the table in to 2.
4) they could have text you before you got there and said “there’s an issue with the table”.
why are you married to someone who would literally sit there staring at you instead of do something to help and then blame the situation on you?
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nta
i don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't view you as family. him being your husband is pretty bad. not sure if it's always been like this. but wow. that's a horrible way to treat you.
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nta. mom and husband tried to humiliate you and got pissy when you turned the tables. i hope you do it again
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nta!! and i salute you! i could have never done that because i am too much of a chicken, but believe me, if i had been a guest (and grasped the situation) i would have stared too! in admiration!
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nta
you’re my sprit animal. i’m super proud of you. dessert too!
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has no one explained why there weren't enough seats for all the invited guests? by their logic, whoever got there last would have to go home since there weren't enough seats. do you think any of your mom's other guests would have been sent home if you got there first? i don't think so either.
this was intentionally done by your mother in law to humiliate you and your husband was in on it. they were only upset because your actions turned the tables on them and made them look foolish instead of successfully humiliating you. you failed to stay properly under their thumb, so your husband is punishing you a different way.
i don't know what his end game is. i do know controlling, abusive behavior when i see it. nothing you said even closely resembles a healthy, functional relationship. nta in this situation obviously.
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nta i would advise you to rethink this marriage. your husband is not supportive at all and he will always put his mother first. don't doubt yourself, your reaction was great! in what world is it consideted entitled behaviour to assume that you will have a seat at a table you are invited to?
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once she told you to go home and you instead secured your own table, you were no longer her guest. you were and independent customer.
and she would not have been embarrassed unless she knew her actions were wrong. it was a power play. unfortunately, your husband was part of it. are you sure you can live in this situation for the rest of your life?
nta
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nta lol get rid of bob. he’d probably still be on the t*t if he could be. his mom will always come before you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll start this off by saying that i, f32 have been with my husband bob, m39 for 3 years, married for one. his mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse of "you work too much". not true because sometimes i do make myself available but yet find myself excluded. last week. his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery. i had to with that day but i ket her and everyone know that i'd be there at 8pm. bob obviously knew i was coming. thing is, when i arrived to the restaurant i saw that the table was full. all chairs had been taken and i just stood there with complete puzzlement while bob and his mom just stared at me. his mom then told me there was no place left for me and that i could either have bob get up and take his seat or .... go home. i was so upset but instead of going home i just went and took an entire table for me. bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking... ngl i did get weird looks from the guests but so did bob and his mom. it was awkward in all honesty. i had my dinner, dessert, then went home. i saw bob and his mom staring grudgingly while i was making my way out. he got home an hour later and yelled saying i embarrassed his mom infront of her guests. i yelled asking wtf was i supposed to do after i got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs. i told him he could've saved me a chair!!!!!. he said that i could've just left instead, and reminded me that i was a "guest" and that i shouldn't expect this level of entitlement to be "accepted". he then went on about how i ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what i did and has been pouting about it for days now. i don't get it, i really don't. was my expectation really that entitled? i mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. but clearly i'm missing something here. [/INST] nta. op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years? </s>
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AITA for keeping tampons/pads in a basket for my students?
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hey everyone!
i'm 38m. i'm a father of two daughters and i teach high schoolers here in ca. since we started off the school year recently i've been noticing our female students have been having some "issues" and it's hard for them to have/find tampons/pads etc when they need it.
as a father myself, i understand that those are essentials for woman. so same thing what i do with my daughters. i bought a bunch of tampons/pads and placed it in a basket in our class so our female students can grab one at any time and it's convenient for them. the whole class loves it. nobody says anything and overall it's helpful for our students.
now my colleague teacher next-door who's name is susan she's like 60f. she thinks it's inapropriate that i have that for my female students and she told me it's weird because i'm a male. i don't find it weird or anything. cause there isn't anything weird about it? what's wrong with a period or so nothing. it's natural and it happens. to make it convenient for my students i made the basket and they love it and i also refill the basket on a constant basis.
| 22,328 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/podpnv/aita_for_keeping_tamponspads_in_a_basket_for_my/
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2021-09-14 22:57:39
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nta. i think it is really sweet. and it gives them the message that it is totally normal and nothing to be hidden and ashamed of. i wish you would have been one of my teachers. every time i saw that basket, i would have felt love and acceptance pouring out of it.
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it must be very uncomfortable for susan with that stick up her ass.
you're a stand up teacher.
thank you.
nta.
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nta - you are normalizing treating women's needs as an ordinary part of life.
susan is the one behaving inappropriately - by trying to create a problem where none exists.
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nta. i don’t think there is any way you *actually* think this would make you an asshole, is there?
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nta- you’re a father of daughters so you understand! even if you weren’t, you’re showing concern for your students.
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nta
it probably *is* a bit awkward for the students, because they're teenagers and everything about their changing bodies and the fact people *know* about it can feel awkward. the fact that their teachers, male or female, know about these things is awkward. there's nothing to be done about it; awkward's just what that age *is*.
it doesn't mean it's not useful for them, and that they're not grateful that you've made the basket available to them; no questions asked and no comments said.
it does raise a bigger question of why these are not simply available for their use in the bathrooms of course.
maybe susan can be redirected to that fight instead: you'll remove the basket when these items are present in all their bathrooms for the students' use.
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nta as a former high-school girl i want to thank you for being so awesome.
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nta.
it's not weird when you have 2 daughters. it means you're acutely aware of the issues they face.
i've read many stories of girls not having access to sanitary products - for a variety of reasons.
to some of those girls, you're a godsend and a bloody (no pun intended) hero.
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nta. that's a valuable lesson for boys to understand the importance of sanitary products
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so nta! we need more teachers & dads like you! susan is the worst. no one likes susan.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey everyone! i'm 38m. i'm a father of two daughters and i teach high schoolers here in ca. since we started off the school year recently i've been noticing our female students have been having some "issues" and it's hard for them to have/find tampons/pads etc when they need it. as a father myself, i understand that those are essentials for woman. so same thing what i do with my daughters. i bought a bunch of tampons/pads and placed it in a basket in our class so our female students can grab one at any time and it's convenient for them. the whole class loves it. nobody says anything and overall it's helpful for our students. now my colleague teacher next-door who's name is susan she's like 60f. she thinks it's inapropriate that i have that for my female students and she told me it's weird because i'm a male. i don't find it weird or anything. cause there isn't anything weird about it? what's wrong with a period or so nothing. it's natural and it happens. to make it convenient for my students i made the basket and they love it and i also refill the basket on a constant basis.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey everyone! i'm 38m. i'm a father of two daughters and i teach high schoolers here in ca. since we started off the school year recently i've been noticing our female students have been having some "issues" and it's hard for them to have/find tampons/pads etc when they need it. as a father myself, i understand that those are essentials for woman. so same thing what i do with my daughters. i bought a bunch of tampons/pads and placed it in a basket in our class so our female students can grab one at any time and it's convenient for them. the whole class loves it. nobody says anything and overall it's helpful for our students. now my colleague teacher next-door who's name is susan she's like 60f. she thinks it's inapropriate that i have that for my female students and she told me it's weird because i'm a male. i don't find it weird or anything. cause there isn't anything weird about it? what's wrong with a period or so nothing. it's natural and it happens. to make it convenient for my students i made the basket and they love it and i also refill the basket on a constant basis. [/INST] nta. i think it is really sweet. and it gives them the message that it is totally normal and nothing to be hidden and ashamed of. i wish you would have been one of my teachers. every time i saw that basket, i would have felt love and acceptance pouring out of it. </s>
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AITA friend is always late so we give her a earlier time, she actually showed up on time and is pissed
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our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still.
well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time
| 22,694 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j08k0n/aita_friend_is_always_late_so_we_give_her_a/
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2020-09-26 15:59:30
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nta. being chronically late is a sign of selfishness and of not valuing or respecting other people and their time.
if she was late because she was caring for a family member or work runs her ragged or she had some medical disorder than randomly required treatment, then you would be the ah to some degree, but this girl is doing her makeup and hair or whatever and just doesn't care. unless her makeup takes a long time because she 's still learning how she wants to cover a recent scar or something... she is just being selfish.
tell her the real time going forward and stop waiting for her.
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here's something you and your friends can try to get her to be on time and to also respect you.
the next time your group gets together, give her the real time. if she doesn't show up after an hour, go somewhere else. if she calls you up and birches at you for not waiting, tell her that everyone else arrived on time, y'all got bored with the place and went somewhere else. let her know that if she arrived on time, you would not be having this conversation.
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nta. so you’ve spent hours waiting for her, she had to wait 25 minutes once, and she’s mad????
lol. super self-centered and entitled.
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nta. if one of my friends was so consistently late they would stop getting invites. she should consider herself lucky that you continue to make time for her.
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lol, now she knows how you guys feel. nta.
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lol used to do this to a friend of mine
nta she should be grateful yall still invite her out
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my sister did this our entire lives until we disinvited her as she was 15 minutues into driving 30 miles (in la traffic) to meet us. we disinvited her because we figured out that she left maybe 15 minutes after she was scheduled to meet us and would have been more than an hour late. we were taking our toddlers to legoland and had timed it so they were in between naptimes and could enjoy as much of the 4-hour window of time we had. her extreme tardiness runed so many family excursions over the years. she was never late again but every time we discussed what time events started, she would passive-aggressively say things like, “you know how picky you are about time.”
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nta. this isn't the first time you gave her a different time and she still has been late to things even with the adjusted time frame. it's extremely rude and inconsiderate to make people wait around for you for that long and that consistently. she's the asshole in this situation and she needs to make it her priority to show up on time if she doesn't want to be left behind.
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nta. she is aware you have consistently had to wait hours for her, and she has the gall to be pissed about waiting 25 minutes once?
i would make it clear that you will continue giving her the wrong time until she shapes up.
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nta. you adapted to her, she can’t get pissed for her own behaviour.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still. well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. we got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. we did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still. well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. she showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. she says were assholes and she felt betrayed. i told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time [/INST] nta. being chronically late is a sign of selfishness and of not valuing or respecting other people and their time. if she was late because she was caring for a family member or work runs her ragged or she had some medical disorder than randomly required treatment, then you would be the ah to some degree, but this girl is doing her makeup and hair or whatever and just doesn't care. unless her makeup takes a long time because she 's still learning how she wants to cover a recent scar or something... she is just being selfish. tell her the real time going forward and stop waiting for her. </s>
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AITA for asking my boyfriend to kiss me after a blowjob?
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today i gave a bj to my bf, normally i don’t finish him and we continue with normal sex. however today we wanted to try finishing the job.
it wasn’t bad or anything, however afterwards he refused to kiss me. we kind of had a discussion about it. i said i would always kiss him after he has gone down on me, but he said that is a totally different situation. after a bit of nagging on my part he finally kissed me although he didn’t seem to be thrilled about it.
so reddit, aita?
| 11,580 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/biedqo/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_kiss_me_after_a/
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2019-04-28 18:35:42
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yta
~~i am going to get downvoted for this, but...~~
nobody, under any circumstance, should be made to perform a sexual act of any kind that they do not want to do. now, i know it’s hard for so many people to take men’s concerns seriously in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can just ignore what makes the guy uncomfortable.
he didn’t want to do this specific thing. it doesn’t matter if it’s fair or not. he didn’t want to do it. you made him do it. yta.
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nta. this is immature on his part:
>... that is a totally different situation...
no, it’s not. it’s the exact same situation.
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yta if you pressured him into any sexual act after he said he wasn't into it.
it is utterly ridiculous that this is being downvoted. clearly, there are only children present in this thread at the moment.
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nah
i think personally that it makes no sense to be afraid of your own cum, but everyone has sexual limits.
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yta - i don’t like when my partner kisses me after he’s gone down on me, i just don’t like the smell of my vagina on his breath and it makes me uncomfortable. my partner understands this and has never forced me to kiss him. i would never force him to kiss me after a bj either. i totally understand your partner.
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yta
i am very surprised by this subreddit. calling op's bf the asshole here is pretty odd -- he was simply expressing a personal boundary.
your bf's argument "it's a totally different situation" is incorrect from a direct comparison standpoint and a bit immature. however, he is within his rights to say "i don't want to kiss you right now".
i understand why you might feel this is a double standard, but if you are fine with kissing him after he goes down on you but not *vice versa* that is ***not*** a double standard. it's simply personal a preference. you are ta for nagging him about it.
if he expects you to kiss him after he goes down on you and not *vice versa*, that would be one thing. however, it seems like you don't have a problem with it.
&#x200b;
for instance, if you like being slapped that doesn't mean your bf is obligated to let you slap him. you two need to communicate about sexual boundaries and preferences.
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yta. not for wanting him to kiss you, but for nagging him until he did it. he didn't want to.
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nah
you being ok / liking kissing after being eaten does not necessarily mean he has to like it vise versa (but he did it for you).
e.g. he liking anal does not mean you have to like it also.
it's all personal taste.
you tried.
you learned he does not really like it, but will do it for you.
it is part of a good relationship to experiment and learn what you both like, what one likes and the other tolerates and what one of you (or both) hates.
just keep in mind for the next time, the kiss after the finish is not his favorite and all will be good. 👍🏻
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yta- sorry to say unfortunately. guilting anyone into kissing you after they’ve said no is an asshole move, whether you agree with their reasons or not.
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yta no one should be made to do anything they're uncomfortable with
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.193649 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: today i gave a bj to my bf, normally i don’t finish him and we continue with normal sex. however today we wanted to try finishing the job. it wasn’t bad or anything, however afterwards he refused to kiss me. we kind of had a discussion about it. i said i would always kiss him after he has gone down on me, but he said that is a totally different situation. after a bit of nagging on my part he finally kissed me although he didn’t seem to be thrilled about it. so reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
today i gave a bj to my bf, normally i don’t finish him and we continue with normal sex. however today we wanted to try finishing the job. it wasn’t bad or anything, however afterwards he refused to kiss me. we kind of had a discussion about it. i said i would always kiss him after he has gone down on me, but he said that is a totally different situation. after a bit of nagging on my part he finally kissed me although he didn’t seem to be thrilled about it. so reddit, aita? [/INST] yta ~~i am going to get downvoted for this, but...~~ nobody, under any circumstance, should be made to perform a sexual act of any kind that they do not want to do. now, i know it’s hard for so many people to take men’s concerns seriously in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can just ignore what makes the guy uncomfortable. he didn’t want to do this specific thing. it doesn’t matter if it’s fair or not. he didn’t want to do it. you made him do it. yta. </s>
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AITA for taking a homeless person’s dog?
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i know the title sounds awful but please read the full story. every time i walk to my gym i see this cute little dog looking miserable. the dog (it’s a she) is sometimes with her owner, a homeless guy in his 40s, but most of the time she gets tied to a pole and left there for hours. i wanted to report this to authorities but i was told that because most shelters in our area are kill shelters that could be even worse for the dog. recently it’s been showing a lot in my city and seeing the poor dog tied to the pole was just too much. a few nights ago my fiancé and i were walking back from a restaurant in the area and saw the dog alone again, we decided to take her home. when i told my mother she was outraged, she says homeless people need their animals to keep them company and that i had no right to take her. i told her a dog isn’t a toy and people shouldn’t get one if they can’t look after it. my mom says i’m cruel and don’t care about human beings. i disagree and maintain that you should not have an animal you can’t take care of. we took the dog to the vet, he said she’s a little over a year, malnourished but not critically. we scheduled her shots and made sure she was okay. the plan is either to keep her or let my aunt’s family adopt her. we have two cats (they’re used to dogs) and we’re leaving our apartment to live in a house with a backyard in a few months. on the other and my 8 year old cousin fell in love with the dog from the moment she saw her. regardless, we all live in the same city and will be there for the doggy to shower her with love. i just hope my mom gets over it.
*for anyone wondering about the legality of what i did, my vet helped me out to make sure the dog was reported as abandoned and everything was legal. we’ll be able to make the adoption official after a 30 day wait period.*
| 5,413 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ar75he/aita_for_taking_a_homeless_persons_dog/
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2019-02-16 09:05:38
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yta. you probably took the homeless person’s only friend because you assumed the dog was being neglected because they were homeless. i also believe you’re taking liberties with your story to make the situation sound much worse than it actually is so you sound better for stealing someone’s dog. the fact that you are arguing with judgments doesn’t help your case either. give them their dog back. what you did was wrong.
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i'm gonna say yta here.
i agree that something had to be done reading the op. the dog could hace died there so you wanting to do something is admirable.
but there's a big world between not doing anything and immediately going nuclear. you could have spoken to the owner, brought the dog food, bring him a small sweater etc. most important of this: talking to the owner to convince him what he's doing is wrong.
you did none of that and immediatly stole his dog before trying a less devastating solution. that's kinda fucked up.
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yta but you don't care about that
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yta by a mile
homeless people have fuck all and you helped yourself to stealing this guys companion because you believed you had the moral right to. you're incredibly assholeish and your smug self defence in this thread makes me think you only wanted back pat's for your crime and callousness.
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esh. i don't get why you didn't tell the guy or leave a note.
he may have been leaving it like that out of ignorance, and now he probably thinks something horrible happened, like it was stolen by people who wanted to use it for "bait" to train dogs for fights (small dogs are at risk of this).
also you're breaking rule three. i think you're a validation-seeker, not someone genuinely asking a question.
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yta
i understand you were concerned about the dog, but you just can't go around and take someone else's animal like that. not only is it illegal, it's morally wrong to take away someone else's companion, no matter the circumstances. i don't care if the person is homeless, or if they live in a mansion, its their dog, not yours. you need to give him back. what you should of done is talk to the man, and offer to take the dog home with you. if he refused, then you could of offered to help other ways like food, a small igloo shelter, blankets, etc.
if you do decide to keep him, i hope you are prepared for the possibility of running into the owner while you're walking the dog one day, and having to look him in the eyes and explain why you stole his dog.
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yta
lets say i saw an unhappy child. i took the child because his parents aren't capable enough to raise the child. that would be kidnapping wouldn't it? now instead of a child it's a dog.....basically your situation. even if the dog is malnourished, it does not give you the right to take it away from its owner.
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yta, you stole a person's animal, because you thought you were some sort of vigilante.
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yta. just because a dog ‘looks sad’ doesn’t mean you should steal it from it’s owner.
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yta you're a thief. you stole (not "took", don't minimize your crime) someone's property, and probably their only companion.
and!
[you're a habitual thief!](https://www.reddit.com/r/voiceyhere/comments/ar0cgf/i_still_had_the_code_to_her_building/)
you didn't steal this man's dog because you were being altruistic. you stole this dog because **you're a thief and you steal things because you think you're entitled to them.**
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds awful but please read the full story. every time i walk to my gym i see this cute little dog looking miserable. the dog (it’s a she) is sometimes with her owner, a homeless guy in his 40s, but most of the time she gets tied to a pole and left there for hours. i wanted to report this to authorities but i was told that because most shelters in our area are kill shelters that could be even worse for the dog. recently it’s been showing a lot in my city and seeing the poor dog tied to the pole was just too much. a few nights ago my fiancé and i were walking back from a restaurant in the area and saw the dog alone again, we decided to take her home. when i told my mother she was outraged, she says homeless people need their animals to keep them company and that i had no right to take her. i told her a dog isn’t a toy and people shouldn’t get one if they can’t look after it. my mom says i’m cruel and don’t care about human beings. i disagree and maintain that you should not have an animal you can’t take care of. we took the dog to the vet, he said she’s a little over a year, malnourished but not critically. we scheduled her shots and made sure she was okay. the plan is either to keep her or let my aunt’s family adopt her. we have two cats (they’re used to dogs) and we’re leaving our apartment to live in a house with a backyard in a few months. on the other and my 8 year old cousin fell in love with the dog from the moment she saw her. regardless, we all live in the same city and will be there for the doggy to shower her with love. i just hope my mom gets over it. *for anyone wondering about the legality of what i did, my vet helped me out to make sure the dog was reported as abandoned and everything was legal. we’ll be able to make the adoption official after a 30 day wait period.*
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds awful but please read the full story. every time i walk to my gym i see this cute little dog looking miserable. the dog (it’s a she) is sometimes with her owner, a homeless guy in his 40s, but most of the time she gets tied to a pole and left there for hours. i wanted to report this to authorities but i was told that because most shelters in our area are kill shelters that could be even worse for the dog. recently it’s been showing a lot in my city and seeing the poor dog tied to the pole was just too much. a few nights ago my fiancé and i were walking back from a restaurant in the area and saw the dog alone again, we decided to take her home. when i told my mother she was outraged, she says homeless people need their animals to keep them company and that i had no right to take her. i told her a dog isn’t a toy and people shouldn’t get one if they can’t look after it. my mom says i’m cruel and don’t care about human beings. i disagree and maintain that you should not have an animal you can’t take care of. we took the dog to the vet, he said she’s a little over a year, malnourished but not critically. we scheduled her shots and made sure she was okay. the plan is either to keep her or let my aunt’s family adopt her. we have two cats (they’re used to dogs) and we’re leaving our apartment to live in a house with a backyard in a few months. on the other and my 8 year old cousin fell in love with the dog from the moment she saw her. regardless, we all live in the same city and will be there for the doggy to shower her with love. i just hope my mom gets over it. *for anyone wondering about the legality of what i did, my vet helped me out to make sure the dog was reported as abandoned and everything was legal. we’ll be able to make the adoption official after a 30 day wait period.* [/INST] yta. you probably took the homeless person’s only friend because you assumed the dog was being neglected because they were homeless. i also believe you’re taking liberties with your story to make the situation sound much worse than it actually is so you sound better for stealing someone’s dog. the fact that you are arguing with judgments doesn’t help your case either. give them their dog back. what you did was wrong. </s>
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AITA for telling a younger female coworker that it doesn’t look good for her to be spending so much time with our married male coworker?
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i (44f) work in an office of 20+ people. the youngest is jenny (28f) who started to work for us just this year. jenny immediately clicked with our coworker dan (47m) and became close with him even though they work on different floors. dan is married, jenny is single.
for the past months i’ve heard other people in the office gossip about dan and jenny, who always leave the office to have lunch together outside. most of us bring our own lunch and eat in the pantry, and dan and jenny both used to do this too. now they are usually gone for an hour or two. jenny always asks me if i want her to grab coffee for me when they leave so i assume they eat lunch and have coffee after, but some of my coworkers wonder if this is all that is happening.
this week dan was on leave and jenny stayed in the office for lunch so i took the opportunity to tell her that it doesn’t look good for her to be spending to much time with dan as it makes people wonder if there’s something going on between them. jenny was upset and asked if i people wonder about that or if i wonder about that so i told her the truth that i’ve heard other people gossiping. she said she feels insulted that i even needed to tell her this because it means i believe it might be true.
for the record i don’t think there is anything going on between jenny and dan, but i understand how it might look that way and i only told jenny to look out for her, so she could do something about it if she wanted to. am i the asshole?
| 11,463 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph6ckj/aita_for_telling_a_younger_female_coworker_that/
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2021-09-03 14:33:36
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yta. and so are the gossiping coworkers.
why would you tell *her* that it doesn't look good for her? he's the one that is married.
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so you talked to the person in the situation with the least power and the most to lose: the young woman. doesn’t sound like you have requested the coworkers to stop gossiping. haven’t gone to hr about the gossipers’ unprofessional behavior. haven’t looked into whether dan might be abusing his power/position. you told the new, young hire that she’s doing something that others perceive as wrong.
this is the epitome of systemic sexism in the work world. you should feel guilty for participating in it. yta
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yta
you chose to say something to her but not him, why? why wouldn't you warn him especially since you've known him longer?
why is it anyone's business?
spoiler alert, men and women can be platonic friends.
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yta, but honestly everyone involved in this sucks except dan and jenny.
you didn't tell her that you were concerned for and only looking out for her because of unsubstantiated rumours; what you said was it \*doesn't look good\* for her to be doing that. that is a statement of opinion, making it clear that even if you don't think there's anything going on personally, you aren't holding it against your coworkers for gossiping either because you feel that their questions are logical and you're basically putting the onus on jenny to stop hanging out with her friend rather than supporting her by letting her know you don't think she's doing something wrong.
i get what you were trying to do, but ultimately they're probably aware of how it looks and didn't need you to point it out. jenny's response indicates that she was possibly hoping \*you\* weren't one of them, but you haven't done anything to defend her or shut it down either.
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yta, mind your own business and jenny is completely right. your wording makes it sound you believe it and that it is solely jenny's fault. it takes two to tango. were you planning on talking to dan too?
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yta. the problem here isn't jenny; it's that your office is full of busybodies. if you really wanted to help jenny, when you hear people gossiping about her, you could tell them that men and women can be friends and it isn't a good look to assume people are in a relationship just because they grab lunch together at work.
also, honestly, i think it's telling that you went to just jenny about this and never talked to dan, who is the one who's married. if jenny and dan were having an affair, dan would be the much bigger asshole.
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yta. have you told your younger male coworkers that they shouldn't spend time with older ones ?
have you told other coworkers they shouldn't spend so much time together ?
why not?
you are being sexist and disgusting in your assumptions about what might be happening or what other people may be thinking (assuming thinks like you and your coworkers do). tell your coworkers to shut up. shut down their gross and degrading assumptions.
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yta. that is just feeding into work gossip. at my old job my best friend was a married woman 10 years older than me and we got lunch together all the time. rumors started and i ended up having to publicly come out of the closet for everyone to mind their business. even if i was straight it’s normal to have friends of the opposite sex. offices bring people of all ages together and marriage does not mean you are forbidden from making friends.
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info: would you have had this same conversation with dan?
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i agree with most of the posts but i think you're nta. all the gossiping from the coworkers makes them all ah and if you engage in it that makes you one too but just giving her a heads up that people are gossiping is fine, i would want to know. the way you worded it could be better though because "does not look good" implies things i'm not sure you're intending to.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.057628 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (44f) work in an office of 20+ people. the youngest is jenny (28f) who started to work for us just this year. jenny immediately clicked with our coworker dan (47m) and became close with him even though they work on different floors. dan is married, jenny is single. for the past months i’ve heard other people in the office gossip about dan and jenny, who always leave the office to have lunch together outside. most of us bring our own lunch and eat in the pantry, and dan and jenny both used to do this too. now they are usually gone for an hour or two. jenny always asks me if i want her to grab coffee for me when they leave so i assume they eat lunch and have coffee after, but some of my coworkers wonder if this is all that is happening. this week dan was on leave and jenny stayed in the office for lunch so i took the opportunity to tell her that it doesn’t look good for her to be spending to much time with dan as it makes people wonder if there’s something going on between them. jenny was upset and asked if i people wonder about that or if i wonder about that so i told her the truth that i’ve heard other people gossiping. she said she feels insulted that i even needed to tell her this because it means i believe it might be true. for the record i don’t think there is anything going on between jenny and dan, but i understand how it might look that way and i only told jenny to look out for her, so she could do something about it if she wanted to. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (44f) work in an office of 20+ people. the youngest is jenny (28f) who started to work for us just this year. jenny immediately clicked with our coworker dan (47m) and became close with him even though they work on different floors. dan is married, jenny is single. for the past months i’ve heard other people in the office gossip about dan and jenny, who always leave the office to have lunch together outside. most of us bring our own lunch and eat in the pantry, and dan and jenny both used to do this too. now they are usually gone for an hour or two. jenny always asks me if i want her to grab coffee for me when they leave so i assume they eat lunch and have coffee after, but some of my coworkers wonder if this is all that is happening. this week dan was on leave and jenny stayed in the office for lunch so i took the opportunity to tell her that it doesn’t look good for her to be spending to much time with dan as it makes people wonder if there’s something going on between them. jenny was upset and asked if i people wonder about that or if i wonder about that so i told her the truth that i’ve heard other people gossiping. she said she feels insulted that i even needed to tell her this because it means i believe it might be true. for the record i don’t think there is anything going on between jenny and dan, but i understand how it might look that way and i only told jenny to look out for her, so she could do something about it if she wanted to. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. and so are the gossiping coworkers. why would you tell *her* that it doesn't look good for her? he's the one that is married. </s>
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AITA for kicking a girl I didn’t know out of my wedding.
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my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here.
we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance.
i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy.
flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him.
i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event.
he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night.
my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date.
now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there.
| 15,561 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yui1p4/aita_for_kicking_a_girl_i_didnt_know_out_of_my/
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2022-11-13 23:15:17
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yta. what was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? and he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” this comes off as power hungry and controlling. you responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend.
you are a ginormous ah. yta.
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you were so concerned about making the wedding perfect for yourself that you ruined it for your husband. yta.
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you gave him a plus one and he used it…and then you were rude and revoked it, during the reception.
his plus one did nothing wrong, wasn’t causing a drunken scene or anything…and you got offended because she existed? sorry bridezilla but yta 🙄
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yta and hopefully a soon-to-be ex wife.
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yta
your husbands childhood friend traveled for your wedding to celebrate you, days after his long term gf and him broke up. he (understandably) didn’t want to travel alone, or be at a wedding alone where he knew no one.
you gave him a plus one, and had paid for the ‘head’ already. so he brought his allowed plus one.
then, you decide to throw her (and by extension him) out of your wedding for no reason.
because, unless your wedding was like 10 people, and your hate of having a +1 you didn’t know there was more important to you than your husband having his childhood friend there, i don’t understand how him having a date at a wedding where he knew nobody was so offensive to you that you couldn’t bear having her exist in the same space as you.
you need to offer your husband a massive apology. you also need to call his friend and offer him a massive apology for being such an asshole. if this is how you’re going to act for the rest of your marriage, it’s going to be short-lived.
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yta bridezilla, and you probably won't be married long now that your husband has seen your true colors.
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yta - i wonder if your husband doesnt see you as a different person now.
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[deleted]
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yta, so very much:
\- for not inviting unmarried long -term partners in the first place (i seriously don't understand why people do that, how rude).
\- for kicking someone out of the wedding who hadn't done a single thing wrong, and who had actually traveled and paid money to be at your wedding (being a wedding guest isn't cheap)
\- for completely disregarding your husband and his friendship with his friend in all of this.
i'm curious if the friend gave you a wedding present? if so the least you can do is give it back so he can get a refund.
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yta. 100%. i bet you can quote chapter and verse about all kinds of wedding etiquette when it pleases your control freak bridezilla soul, but you have not the first clue about hosting and hospitality.
your guest was correct in bringing a date because he had already rsvpd. the guy just went through a breakup of a 3 year serious relationship, still managed to come to his buddy's big day, and scrounged up a date to politely fulfill his duties as a guest. you were unconscionably rude. ridiculously wrong. and wow, instead of focusing on your man, and letting yourself be happy on your wedding day, you acted like a spoiled toddler having a temper tantrum. etiquette is the framework for showing our good manners and good manners come from a kind heart and a desire to make others comfortable. polar opposite of what you did here.
100 points from slytherin.
hope your husband's next wedding is to someone with more kindness, and class. he deserves it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here. we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance. i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy. flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him. i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event. he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night. my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date. now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here. we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance. i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy. flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him. i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event. he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night. my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date. now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there. [/INST] yta. what was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? and he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” this comes off as power hungry and controlling. you responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend. you are a ginormous ah. yta. </s>
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AITA for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress instead of giving it to my sister who can't afford an expensive dress?
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i need an unbiased opinion on this because i don't know if i was the asshole.
throwaway because i am active in other communities and i don't want this to mix.
so i was supposed to get married 2 moths ago to my ex partner of 5 years. sadly we broke it off because he cheated on me on his bachelor party with a striper.
i had this beautiful dress that cost me arround 2k dollars (out of my pocket). i had been very depressed since everything happened because i felt it was somehow my fault for not being sexy enough or not giving him what he wanted. so last weekend i decided to "take my power back" and i began altering the dress. i have been sewing for 15 plus years so i know what i am doing. i cut it a bit, changed the color to something less wedding-y and after a week of work i had a beautiful gown that i could use for more stuff.
the problem comes now. i uploaded that picture of the dress to instagram with a caption that said something along the lines of " you can change the worst memories" or some shit like that.
my sister hits me up and asks me if that was my old wedding dress and i told her yes. she then called me and asked me why i had done this. i asked her why it was such a big deal. and she told me that i could have waited till after he wedding. i was so confused. then she reminded me that when we were staying at the hotel where my wedding was supposed to happen my mom and sister where there cheering me up and my sister said something along the lines of "oh well if you are not using it i will". we all laughed so i thought it was a joke because it was never brought up again after. she just asked me once what material it was so i assumed she wanted something similar.
now my sister is mad at me and my mom says she understands our povs. but that i could have waited 5 more moths till after her wedding to "take my power back"
aita?
edit : yes he fucked the stripper please stop asking me
edit2: what the fuck is wrong with some of you. suddenly i am the asshole for leaving my ex for cheating on me because it doesn't count because it was his bachelor party? do you know how relationships work. are you also going to tell me that if he cheated on a saturday it wouldn't count? or if he left the country? this is hilarious coming from a sub that says cheaters are the worst people in this world. cheating is cheating period
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/erfvwt/aita_for_cutting_up_and_altering_my_wedding_dress/
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2020-01-20 16:56:49
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nta. i think it's pretty insensitive for your sister to expect to use your wedding dress. she needs to consider how painful it would probably be for you to sit at her wedding and watch her walk down the aisle in the dress you were supposed to wear for your wedding, which then turned into a terrible memory. you do what's best for you, and you should feel proud of yourself for reclaiming your power and turning the dress into something new and positive for you.
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nta. wear the dress proudly, you fabric whisperer!
it always lowkey blows my mind when family members assume that blood has the same purchasing power as cash and/or skill. naw, becky. i made this happen with my money, and then i made it happen again with my hands. shoo shoo.
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nta wear it to her wedding lol
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nta. did your sister think about how awkward it would have made you feel to see her get married in the dress that was supposed to be yours?
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nta. i was going to say nah because this seemed to be a communication breakdown where she had asked to use your dress and you just hadn't taken the ask seriously... but your sister is the asshole for not *following up* on the dress thing before this point, because her wedding is in five months. if she was going to be wearing your wedding dress, she should be arranging alterations for it by this point, so she should have said something a month or so ago to follow up and take the dress into her own possession.
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nta because its your dress and...
> "oh well if you are not using it i will". we all laughed so i thought it was a joke
learn to be direct, "hay can i wear your dress to my wedding" would have been a unmistakable request.
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nta. you bought the dress and can do whatever you want with it. she's nuts to think that you would remember her comment of using the dress when you had just gone through a horrible emotional situation. plus, her saying that and reminding you that she was getting married when your engagement had just ended was cruel. btw, did she offer to pay you for the dress or did she just expect to use it for free? sounds like she might be a mooch.
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off topic: i need a photo of said dress before and after!
on topic: nta
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she can get an almost identical one online, i found this app called wish
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nta- what an entitled little brat your sister is. it’s your dress. yours. 100% yours. and your mom should be telling your sister to mind her own damn business. it would have been painful for you to see her wear your dress to get married after having your heart broke. fuck that noise. hard no.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i need an unbiased opinion on this because i don't know if i was the asshole. throwaway because i am active in other communities and i don't want this to mix. so i was supposed to get married 2 moths ago to my ex partner of 5 years. sadly we broke it off because he cheated on me on his bachelor party with a striper. i had this beautiful dress that cost me arround 2k dollars (out of my pocket). i had been very depressed since everything happened because i felt it was somehow my fault for not being sexy enough or not giving him what he wanted. so last weekend i decided to "take my power back" and i began altering the dress. i have been sewing for 15 plus years so i know what i am doing. i cut it a bit, changed the color to something less wedding-y and after a week of work i had a beautiful gown that i could use for more stuff. the problem comes now. i uploaded that picture of the dress to instagram with a caption that said something along the lines of " you can change the worst memories" or some shit like that. my sister hits me up and asks me if that was my old wedding dress and i told her yes. she then called me and asked me why i had done this. i asked her why it was such a big deal. and she told me that i could have waited till after he wedding. i was so confused. then she reminded me that when we were staying at the hotel where my wedding was supposed to happen my mom and sister where there cheering me up and my sister said something along the lines of "oh well if you are not using it i will". we all laughed so i thought it was a joke because it was never brought up again after. she just asked me once what material it was so i assumed she wanted something similar. now my sister is mad at me and my mom says she understands our povs. but that i could have waited 5 more moths till after her wedding to "take my power back" aita? edit : yes he fucked the stripper please stop asking me edit2: what the fuck is wrong with some of you. suddenly i am the asshole for leaving my ex for cheating on me because it doesn't count because it was his bachelor party? do you know how relationships work. are you also going to tell me that if he cheated on a saturday it wouldn't count? or if he left the country? this is hilarious coming from a sub that says cheaters are the worst people in this world. cheating is cheating period
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i need an unbiased opinion on this because i don't know if i was the asshole. throwaway because i am active in other communities and i don't want this to mix. so i was supposed to get married 2 moths ago to my ex partner of 5 years. sadly we broke it off because he cheated on me on his bachelor party with a striper. i had this beautiful dress that cost me arround 2k dollars (out of my pocket). i had been very depressed since everything happened because i felt it was somehow my fault for not being sexy enough or not giving him what he wanted. so last weekend i decided to "take my power back" and i began altering the dress. i have been sewing for 15 plus years so i know what i am doing. i cut it a bit, changed the color to something less wedding-y and after a week of work i had a beautiful gown that i could use for more stuff. the problem comes now. i uploaded that picture of the dress to instagram with a caption that said something along the lines of " you can change the worst memories" or some shit like that. my sister hits me up and asks me if that was my old wedding dress and i told her yes. she then called me and asked me why i had done this. i asked her why it was such a big deal. and she told me that i could have waited till after he wedding. i was so confused. then she reminded me that when we were staying at the hotel where my wedding was supposed to happen my mom and sister where there cheering me up and my sister said something along the lines of "oh well if you are not using it i will". we all laughed so i thought it was a joke because it was never brought up again after. she just asked me once what material it was so i assumed she wanted something similar. now my sister is mad at me and my mom says she understands our povs. but that i could have waited 5 more moths till after her wedding to "take my power back" aita? edit : yes he fucked the stripper please stop asking me edit2: what the fuck is wrong with some of you. suddenly i am the asshole for leaving my ex for cheating on me because it doesn't count because it was his bachelor party? do you know how relationships work. are you also going to tell me that if he cheated on a saturday it wouldn't count? or if he left the country? this is hilarious coming from a sub that says cheaters are the worst people in this world. cheating is cheating period [/INST] nta. i think it's pretty insensitive for your sister to expect to use your wedding dress. she needs to consider how painful it would probably be for you to sit at her wedding and watch her walk down the aisle in the dress you were supposed to wear for your wedding, which then turned into a terrible memory. you do what's best for you, and you should feel proud of yourself for reclaiming your power and turning the dress into something new and positive for you. </s>
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