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AITA for refusing to support our daughter after she gives birth?
| 19,895 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hd4tiv/aita_for_refusing_to_support_our_daughter_after/
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2020-06-21 10:34:14
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nta. you don’t owe your daughter anything here. actions always have consequences. while she may be technically allowed to share her opinion, that doesn’t mean others are not allowed to react to it. she has to live with the consequences of her actions and you and your wife are well within your rights to decide that your home and financial support are no longer open to her. she announced that she believes your grandson is not a part of the family and that’s a terrible thing to say no matter the circumstances. you’re allowed to be hurt and to react.
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nta, and from what i can tell from the rest of your children you both did fine raising your children. your 27y.o. is being controlled and manipulated.
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your obligation is to protect the rest of your family especially your grandkid from her hate. you should have kicked her selfish backside out then.
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nta. your daughter is damn near 30. if she and her husband have to mooch off of you in order to procreate, maybe she should just "accept what god gave her" and "stop forcing her options" on the family.
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clearly nta, but out of curiosity what caused this change in the daughter? if i understand the post correctly her racist is a recent development, and usually ppl don't just become racist out of the blue.
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nta
it's your house, your home, and you absolutely do not need to feel obligated to entertain anyones racist beliefs and remarks in your home and towards your other guests/family.
maybe it'll turn out to be a good thing, a wake-up-call for your daughter. one can always hope.
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nta. it's absurd that she thinks it's okay to treat family the way she did, then call the shots on your property. there are consequences for her behavior. she can hold whatever beliefs she wants, but it's unacceptable to scold family members for adopting and for making the adopted child feel bad. i cannot imagine the stress and drama she'd cause if allowed to live on your property. please stand firm.
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nta. thank you for being anti-racism and speaking up. we need more people to stand their ground like this! she can voice her hate but she needs to learn it isn’t free of consequence
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nta. being ostracized by your family is the price you pay for being a racist. karma is a bitch.
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nta.
>demanding to know why she wasn't allowed to to express her option and arguing that we aren't black so why should we care?
i'd recommend responding with something like "you are allowed to hold and express any opinions you want, even if we are disappointed in your beliefs and choices. however, we aren't obligated to tolerate racist or bigoted opinions. we don't have to be black to know that racism and bigotry is wrong. just because you aren't prejudiced against us specifically, doesn't mean we are okay with ignoring it or supporting racists. we aren't willing to financially support a lifestyle that hates people based on their skin color. you can be a racist if you want, but we won't be enabling those choices. if you want to live a racist life, you will have to make that happen without our help."
she can be angry all she wants, but you're doing the right thing by decrying hate and refusing to support it.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta. you don’t owe your daughter anything here. actions always have consequences. while she may be technically allowed to share her opinion, that doesn’t mean others are not allowed to react to it. she has to live with the consequences of her actions and you and your wife are well within your rights to decide that your home and financial support are no longer open to her. she announced that she believes your grandson is not a part of the family and that’s a terrible thing to say no matter the circumstances. you’re allowed to be hurt and to react. </s>
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AITA For complimenting a new girl's appearance at work?
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i (24m) work at a small tech company that's mostly male. last week we had a new girl join. i try to be as nice as possible and make people fit in. i gave her a tour of the office, told her about our roles/projects we were working on, introduced her to the other staff, etc.
i casually told her that i liked her eyes (they were blue). she said "thanks" and that was mostly it. the real issue came later on, our group was having a meeting, around 5 people altogether. the new girl was in on it and she actually made an insightful comment about the project that impressed me. i looked at the other guys and said "wow she is smart and cute." the other guys laughed, but i followed that up with "but that's a great point, thanks for bringing that up" to her and we moved on.
later on a higherup told me she complained about me because of my comment and asked me to refrain from making those comments in the future.
i was genuinely confused because i wasn't insulting her and thought she'd be a great addition to the team? that's why i made this post, i did tell the other guys at work that she complained about my comment and they all sided with me that it was all lighthearted, one of them even said that if she is going to be a buzzkill, to not include her if we go out after work for happy hours or other events.
| 5,622 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8s2uq/aita_for_complimenting_a_new_girls_appearance_at/
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2020-02-24 14:36:00
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yta
i can't believe i have to say this, making comments about the attractiveness of a new coworker is harassment. stop doing this.
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yta.
let me break it down for you, op. she is at a new job in a male-dominated field. she is there for her brains and talent. in your tour, you commented on her appearance. not her education. not her accomplishments. her appearance. and then, when she showcased her intelligence, you reduced her contribution to her intellect being second to the fact she's nice to look at.
you may have meant it as a compliment, but your comment was extremely patronizing and objectifying. the fact you don't understand how this was not only offensive but extremely inappropriate for the workplace is troubling.
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yta - the "she's smart and cute" comment is creepy af. why does her appearance matter at all? you shouldn't be commenting on it. you should have just said great point and moved on. act professional always.
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yta: as a woman, i’d be creeped out by those comments in a professional setting. do you get complimented by your coworkers like that?
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announcing to everyone (in front of her) that you find her hot and acting surprised that she's smart? yta
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"she is going to be a buzzkill, to not include her if we go out after work for happy hours or other events. "
if she doesn't like your advances and flirting, she's not allowed on other office get-togethers.
&#x200b;
cool, man.
|
>i casually told her that i liked her eyes (they were blue).
she's there to work, not have men comment on her appearance to her. you're an asshole here.
>the new girl was in on it and she actually made an insightful comment about the project that impressed me.
you're shocked that she did her job? you're an asshole here for acting like this is completely unexpected and surprising.
>i looked at the other guys and said "wow she is smart and cute."
you commented on her physical appearance to other guys, which is both inappropriate for commenting on her appearance *and* publicly stating that her appearance is something you're concerned with. you're a massive asshole here.
>later on a higherup told me she complained about me because of my comment and asked me to refrain from making those comments in the future.
you're lucky your ass wasn't fired for your grossly inappropriate conduct.
>i did tell the other guys at work that she complained about my comment and they all sided with me that it was all lighthearted...
now you've gone and created a her vs the men situation, which is horrendous. you think her days at work are going to be anything other than awkward at best and unbearable at worst now? what the hell is wrong with you?
get your shit together, because this is *not* appropriate or okay. she doesn't need your compliments and clearly doesn't want them, so leave her alone and stop commenting on her or anyone else's physical appearance. this post was basically a "how to" class on creating a hostile work environment and if your human resources department doesn't ship your ass to training, they're failing at their job.
yta
|
yta
let me get this right, you complimented her about her body twice and “jokingly” suggested the combination of her body and intelligence was unusual and you’re surprised it came off badly?
wow bud.
the worst part is then you retaliate by telling all your coworkers she complained. (that’s a bigger write up at my work fwiw.)
|
if you wouldn't want a strange man saying it to you in prison, don't say it to a strange woman. especially in the workplace. yta.
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yta. sorry but in the work environment i would be put off too if a colleague in a professional setting referred to me as "smart and cute", especially being the only woman. rule of thumb should be if you wouldn't say it to a male colleague, don't say it to a female one. you could have just said "wow that was very insightful. thank you!". no need for the extras.
**and if you guys are so petty in that office to exclude her from after work activities because she won't put up with belittling and harrassing comments, she should consider it a blessing to be away from all of you.**
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24m) work at a small tech company that's mostly male. last week we had a new girl join. i try to be as nice as possible and make people fit in. i gave her a tour of the office, told her about our roles/projects we were working on, introduced her to the other staff, etc. i casually told her that i liked her eyes (they were blue). she said "thanks" and that was mostly it. the real issue came later on, our group was having a meeting, around 5 people altogether. the new girl was in on it and she actually made an insightful comment about the project that impressed me. i looked at the other guys and said "wow she is smart and cute." the other guys laughed, but i followed that up with "but that's a great point, thanks for bringing that up" to her and we moved on. later on a higherup told me she complained about me because of my comment and asked me to refrain from making those comments in the future. i was genuinely confused because i wasn't insulting her and thought she'd be a great addition to the team? that's why i made this post, i did tell the other guys at work that she complained about my comment and they all sided with me that it was all lighthearted, one of them even said that if she is going to be a buzzkill, to not include her if we go out after work for happy hours or other events.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) work at a small tech company that's mostly male. last week we had a new girl join. i try to be as nice as possible and make people fit in. i gave her a tour of the office, told her about our roles/projects we were working on, introduced her to the other staff, etc. i casually told her that i liked her eyes (they were blue). she said "thanks" and that was mostly it. the real issue came later on, our group was having a meeting, around 5 people altogether. the new girl was in on it and she actually made an insightful comment about the project that impressed me. i looked at the other guys and said "wow she is smart and cute." the other guys laughed, but i followed that up with "but that's a great point, thanks for bringing that up" to her and we moved on. later on a higherup told me she complained about me because of my comment and asked me to refrain from making those comments in the future. i was genuinely confused because i wasn't insulting her and thought she'd be a great addition to the team? that's why i made this post, i did tell the other guys at work that she complained about my comment and they all sided with me that it was all lighthearted, one of them even said that if she is going to be a buzzkill, to not include her if we go out after work for happy hours or other events. [/INST] yta i can't believe i have to say this, making comments about the attractiveness of a new coworker is harassment. stop doing this. </s>
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AITA for showing up at my cousin's wedding in a hoodie and jean shorts?
|
last fall, my husband and i went to my cousin's wedding in another state.
in the months leading up to the wedding, my aunt (cousin's mother) griped about how unconventional the wedding was going to be. she was happy for the couple of course but she didn't like that the wedding wasn't going to be in a church or banquet hall. the wedding was going to be a small and intimate affair in a scenic national park and then the reception was going to be in a nice rental house in the woods. i thought it sounded cool and unique but my aunt hated the idea of it. she didn't tell the couple tho. just complained about it to us behind their backs.
we traveled 600 miles to the wedding. we treated the trip like a vacation. spent some money on lodging, food, sightseeing, etcetera.
the day before the wedding, my aunt rounded up me and my family members and told us that she just found out that the dress code for the wedding was casual. not gonna lie, many of us were stoked. i hate dressing up so i was all over the idea of a casual backyard bbq wedding.
my husband and i had already packed nice clothes so we wore them to the ceremony. a few of my family members showed up to the ceremony in t-shirts and baseball caps. immediately after, we changed into comfortable clothes for the reception. i wore a hoodie, daisy duke shorts and cute sandals.
i noticed that the bride's family members were still dressed up but i figured they didn't get the memo. the bride and groom and the wedding party were dressed to the nine's which i thought was weird for a casual wedding. the reception was awesome. nice dinner, fancy lawn games, a bonfire. we had a blast.
so we just found out that the bride and groom were very upset with us for wearing casual clothes to their wedding. they thought it was very disrespectful. apparently my aunt lied to us because she wanted to sabotage their wedding and they were upset that no one checked with them about the dress code. this explains why my cousin and his wife have been standoffish toward us since the wedding.
tbh we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code. and they never specified the dress code in the invitation. but i still have to ask. aita?
| 18,215 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c45x4l/aita_for_showing_up_at_my_cousins_wedding_in_a/
|
2019-06-23 14:57:55
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yta. daisy dukes and a hoodie are not “casual”in terms of wedding attire. casual would have been nice slacks and a pretty top or jacket. your attire was more like saturday night at the stock car races. i would have been upset with you too and the family members in tee shirts and ball caps were similarly underdressed.
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esh. your aunt is a horrible person. and i am pretty surprised that you fell for the lie. if someone other than the bride and groom told me the dress code was casual, as in daisy-dukes-and-a-hoodie casual, i'd be checking with the bride and groom. and if an unusual dress code wasn't specified in the invitation, i would assume i was meant to dress up, as is the norm for weddings.
your cousin and his wife are not overreacting - it would have been viewed as very disrespectful to show up dressed as you did. they didn't know why you were all wearing casual clothes, and even if they now know your aunt was trying to sabotage their wedding, that's still going to cast a shadow over their memories of the day.
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esh, especially your aunt. but you do too, because of this:
>tbh we think they're overreacting
did you apologize? you didn't mean to offend them, and wouldn't have done so if you hadn't been lied to, but you should still apologize. of course they are upset. someone was actively sabotaging their wedding, and you were an (unwitting) participant!
the fact that they didn't include a dress code in the invitation actually doesn't work in your favor here, because if the bride wanted it to be casual she would have made a note of it.
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yta. casual attire to a wedding isn't a hoodie and trashy shorts.
"we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code"
and wow instead of apologizing you blame the bride and groom. how old are you?
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[removed]
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yta
for going to the wedding of someone you are unwilling to speak to, and allowing your cowardice and laziness to fan the flames of family drama.
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[removed]
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yta holyyyyy moly especially after reading your comments. i’m curious as to how old you are and why your aunt has this much control over your own actions. she’s an ahole too, obviously, but it seems like you absolutely refuse to take responsibility for your own ahole actions. when she told you the dress code was casual did she elaborate and say redneck tailgating casual or did she leave it at “casual”. you said you don’t want to apologize because you aren’t close to your cousin, and seem to want to put all the blame on your aunt. but you went to his wedding, which is a serious & personal event, and you had fun. you upset them on one of the biggest days of their lives, and you embarrassed yourself. you owe them an apology. i guess don’t apologize if you can’t own up to your mistakes, but if you give a nice apology, “hey i’m really sorry about the dress code confusion. i hope i didn’t spoil your big day. your wedding was awesome and we had a lot of fun”.. you can probably save being known as the girl who wore daisy dukes to a wedding (lol)
|
massive yta for the aunt, minor yta for you and nta for the cousin whose special day was messed up.
i'm a little baffled over it though. your aunt was bitching about it for ages, you didn't actually check what was an unusual dress code - enough that you'd expect it to be highlighted on the invite if it was - and the other guests hadn't changed, including the bride and groom. it's not your fault that you got bad info but c'mon, the only person who mentions it is the one who's been moaning? didn't one person say 'isn't that a bit odd?' the only weddings i've ever had with dress codes mentioned is where they either have something really, really specific or something different to the usual 'smart attire'.
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0.00461 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last fall, my husband and i went to my cousin's wedding in another state. in the months leading up to the wedding, my aunt (cousin's mother) griped about how unconventional the wedding was going to be. she was happy for the couple of course but she didn't like that the wedding wasn't going to be in a church or banquet hall. the wedding was going to be a small and intimate affair in a scenic national park and then the reception was going to be in a nice rental house in the woods. i thought it sounded cool and unique but my aunt hated the idea of it. she didn't tell the couple tho. just complained about it to us behind their backs. we traveled 600 miles to the wedding. we treated the trip like a vacation. spent some money on lodging, food, sightseeing, etcetera. the day before the wedding, my aunt rounded up me and my family members and told us that she just found out that the dress code for the wedding was casual. not gonna lie, many of us were stoked. i hate dressing up so i was all over the idea of a casual backyard bbq wedding. my husband and i had already packed nice clothes so we wore them to the ceremony. a few of my family members showed up to the ceremony in t-shirts and baseball caps. immediately after, we changed into comfortable clothes for the reception. i wore a hoodie, daisy duke shorts and cute sandals. i noticed that the bride's family members were still dressed up but i figured they didn't get the memo. the bride and groom and the wedding party were dressed to the nine's which i thought was weird for a casual wedding. the reception was awesome. nice dinner, fancy lawn games, a bonfire. we had a blast. so we just found out that the bride and groom were very upset with us for wearing casual clothes to their wedding. they thought it was very disrespectful. apparently my aunt lied to us because she wanted to sabotage their wedding and they were upset that no one checked with them about the dress code. this explains why my cousin and his wife have been standoffish toward us since the wedding. tbh we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code. and they never specified the dress code in the invitation. but i still have to ask. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last fall, my husband and i went to my cousin's wedding in another state. in the months leading up to the wedding, my aunt (cousin's mother) griped about how unconventional the wedding was going to be. she was happy for the couple of course but she didn't like that the wedding wasn't going to be in a church or banquet hall. the wedding was going to be a small and intimate affair in a scenic national park and then the reception was going to be in a nice rental house in the woods. i thought it sounded cool and unique but my aunt hated the idea of it. she didn't tell the couple tho. just complained about it to us behind their backs. we traveled 600 miles to the wedding. we treated the trip like a vacation. spent some money on lodging, food, sightseeing, etcetera. the day before the wedding, my aunt rounded up me and my family members and told us that she just found out that the dress code for the wedding was casual. not gonna lie, many of us were stoked. i hate dressing up so i was all over the idea of a casual backyard bbq wedding. my husband and i had already packed nice clothes so we wore them to the ceremony. a few of my family members showed up to the ceremony in t-shirts and baseball caps. immediately after, we changed into comfortable clothes for the reception. i wore a hoodie, daisy duke shorts and cute sandals. i noticed that the bride's family members were still dressed up but i figured they didn't get the memo. the bride and groom and the wedding party were dressed to the nine's which i thought was weird for a casual wedding. the reception was awesome. nice dinner, fancy lawn games, a bonfire. we had a blast. so we just found out that the bride and groom were very upset with us for wearing casual clothes to their wedding. they thought it was very disrespectful. apparently my aunt lied to us because she wanted to sabotage their wedding and they were upset that no one checked with them about the dress code. this explains why my cousin and his wife have been standoffish toward us since the wedding. tbh we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code. and they never specified the dress code in the invitation. but i still have to ask. aita? [/INST] yta. daisy dukes and a hoodie are not “casual”in terms of wedding attire. casual would have been nice slacks and a pretty top or jacket. your attire was more like saturday night at the stock car races. i would have been upset with you too and the family members in tee shirts and ball caps were similarly underdressed. </s>
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AITA for teasing my wife about pooping her pants
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so i(26m) and my wife (23f) have been together 4 years and are extremely comfortable with each other, nothing ever really grosses us out with each other. she also gave me permission to post this.
a few weeks ago, my wife shit herself. she was laughing, ate something she shouldn’t have, and it just happened. she was a little embarrassed, but later we laughed about it together and have made multiple jokes about it.
recently we were at dinner with mutual friends of ours and she started laughing. i told her to be careful or it’ll happen again and she stopped and got really quiet and embarrassed. she was pretty reserved the rest of the night and when our friends left she shut herself in our bedroom, saying i had really embarrassed her and it was mean to make jokes about it without asking if she was ok with joking about it with friends beforehand.
she told me i needed to apologize to her for embarrassing her, but i told her we make jokes about it all the time and i don’t see a difference.
aita?
| 9,265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sy6igp/aita_for_teasing_my_wife_about_pooping_her_pants/
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2022-02-21 22:29:03
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yta. hard yta.
joking alone with your wife about something is vastly different than humiliating her in front of friends.
it isn't a joke if the other person isn't laughing.
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hi everyone. op’s wife here, also on a throwaway bc my main account is private lol. i’m not going to leave him but i do enjoy him receiving a reaming. thank you for the defense. i told him he should post it here, he said ok. asked me if it alright that he posted this specific post, i said yes. i got a good dinner, i got to laugh at my husband who was a dick, and now it’s ok. things are solid. he won’t be making anymore jokes about me to other people. and with that, adieu.
oh and babe? yta :)
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yta. roasting each other privately is very different to publicly humiliating her. you owe her a sincere apology.
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yta - there is a massive, massive difference between having a private inside joke and telling other people. i would be so furious. your wife sounds chill as fuck, honestly.
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of course yta. your friends didn’t know about it, so what you did was humiliating. joking about it with you is one thing because you already knew, telling new people is her call and her choice how to do that if at all
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you don't see a difference between the two of you, a couple, versus the friend group? really? why did she marry you?
yta.
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yta.
i hope you find the small dick jokes she makes in front of your friends, just as funny.
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>i told her we make jokes about it all the time and i don’t see a difference.
you don't know the difference between a joke between the two of you in private and a joke in front of friends? yta
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yta
this is absolutely a situation where you make sure ahead of time whether your spouse is okay with other people knowing it. in most marriages, there are things that are just between the couple. for many people, they wouldn't want friends to know about this kind of thing.
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yta. dude, you joked about it *in front of other people*. that is the entirety of it. obviously if you’d joked about it when it was just you two it would’ve been funny.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i(26m) and my wife (23f) have been together 4 years and are extremely comfortable with each other, nothing ever really grosses us out with each other. she also gave me permission to post this. a few weeks ago, my wife shit herself. she was laughing, ate something she shouldn’t have, and it just happened. she was a little embarrassed, but later we laughed about it together and have made multiple jokes about it. recently we were at dinner with mutual friends of ours and she started laughing. i told her to be careful or it’ll happen again and she stopped and got really quiet and embarrassed. she was pretty reserved the rest of the night and when our friends left she shut herself in our bedroom, saying i had really embarrassed her and it was mean to make jokes about it without asking if she was ok with joking about it with friends beforehand. she told me i needed to apologize to her for embarrassing her, but i told her we make jokes about it all the time and i don’t see a difference. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i(26m) and my wife (23f) have been together 4 years and are extremely comfortable with each other, nothing ever really grosses us out with each other. she also gave me permission to post this. a few weeks ago, my wife shit herself. she was laughing, ate something she shouldn’t have, and it just happened. she was a little embarrassed, but later we laughed about it together and have made multiple jokes about it. recently we were at dinner with mutual friends of ours and she started laughing. i told her to be careful or it’ll happen again and she stopped and got really quiet and embarrassed. she was pretty reserved the rest of the night and when our friends left she shut herself in our bedroom, saying i had really embarrassed her and it was mean to make jokes about it without asking if she was ok with joking about it with friends beforehand. she told me i needed to apologize to her for embarrassing her, but i told her we make jokes about it all the time and i don’t see a difference. aita? [/INST] yta. hard yta. joking alone with your wife about something is vastly different than humiliating her in front of friends. it isn't a joke if the other person isn't laughing. </s>
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AITA for supporting my wife after my daughter publicly exposed her diary which had "cruel" comments?
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i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter.
my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families.
and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married.
a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary.
my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names.
my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex.
she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex.
and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids.
i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt.
but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet.
my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic.
my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible.
i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex.
i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times.
my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out.
my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right.
i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
| 24,947 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqgdyb/aita_for_supporting_my_wife_after_my_daughter/
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2020-07-13 14:37:49
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nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation.
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nta.
> this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise
sounds like the entire point of this was to vent unhealthy thoughts.
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nta!! your wife is entitled to work through her emotions and issues in a productive way, which she has been doing with her personal, therapy diary. your daughter, although young and probably very emotional, is in the wrong and acted very innapropriately.
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nta
your wife has the right to vent.
but you need to talk to your teenaged child.
and as fast as possible with a therapist in the room.
because this will break your relationship.
this has nothing to do with sides. this has to do with a teen that feels betrayed by someone she found out sees her as a burden and wished she was never born.
your child was in the wrong, but teens have too many emotions to deal with. and you taking your wife's side in this, will feel as betrayel
also, please don't be the dad that will end up stop trying to have contact with their kids because they refuse to see them. keep trying, every month, even if it takes years. because this will determine who they are as a person.
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nta. report the images on fb and take them down. your daughter had no right to put up those pictures online. these are personal stuff not something for the world.
your daughter got her feelings hurt because of reading someone elses personal diary.
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nta. part of the reason for going to therapy or keeping a journal is to learn how to process negative thoughts in a more healthy way.
this was also an invasion of your wife's privacy.
every single person in the world has thoughts that would hurt someone else if they were shared.
the fact that your wife wrote these items down demonstrates she was trying to work through her feelings in such a way that *didn't* hurt the children. this shows she actually does care about them.
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nta!!!
what your wife writes as an outlet doesn't always mean it translates to those feelings in reality. hear me out. your ex wife probably did weaponize your children in the divorce and that is a terrible terrible thing to do to children. especially during a divorce. and your daughter probably did pick up bad traits from your ex. her actions are nothing short of that. what she did is absolutely terrible. your daughter has a lot to learn about life. your daughter is a child. she knows very little about life right now and is chalk full of hormones. not to mention her lack of life experience.
and yes, sometimes women in insecurity do say things. in private. that helps them further process their thoughts and emotions. the difference between your wife and your daughter (from what you mentioned) is that your wife doesn't act on her emotions, she just processes them. your daughter however, being of her age and having little life experience, acts on her emotions and doesn't understand the power behind processing them.
you are absolutely nta. you have a very cruel daughter. in my book what your wife said doesn't even begin to touch the surface in comparison to your daughters actions.
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nta - this is exactly why diaries are off limits. your wife had every right to use her diary to vent. the way you described your situation before this incident shows, that she used the diary to work through her doubts and issues to do her part to create a positive family situation. i also want to emphasize that i think your wife did nothing wrong. she was entitled to feeling however she felt. she did the grown-up thing and dealt with it. that is more than i‘ve come to see in most people i know. at 15 your daughter lacks the experience to acknowledge that. however, your family should. and even at her young age, your daughter should know better than to read and publish someone else‘s diary. maybe you can see a family therapist. i‘d strongly recommend that.
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nta your wife was right about your ex, she has weaponized the kids
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my god, even a 10 year knows that reading someone else's diary is a shitty thing to do, let alone post it publicly. what the everloving fuck - it sounds like the ex did weaponize the kids. i know kids aren't fully developed and all that but this is borderline evil. this was your wife's therapy. it was deeply personal and this trauma shes going through now - i cant even imagine the pain and humiliation. stand with your wife. she has nothing to apologize for - it is human to have thoughts and doubts and she was working through them with her therapist, not writing a burn book for pettiness. imo your daughter needs some serious time out and discipline, not an apology.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been remarried for a year now to my wife. i have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. i also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. my wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families. and although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. only then did we get married. a few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife's diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. i also was given a diary. my daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. she then posted the photographs on facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. my wife had written a few things about how she wished i didn't have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex. she also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. and the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. i admit i was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because i knew my kids would be hurt. but this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. my daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an alcoholic. my wife is inconsolable. a lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible. i disagree. she wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. and it's not like i shared the same opinion about my ex. i'm just so defeated. my daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won't step foot in our house. my son is following her lead. my wife has already apologized several times. my ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. i know she won't win the defamation case but i feel like custody will indeed switch. i'm very stressed out. my daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she's in the right. i have taken my wife's side in all this. am i the asshole? my entire family has been blown up. [/INST] nta your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone's diary. i really feel for you, mate, you're in a no-win situation. </s>
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AITA For having a family dinner after my sister’s wedding?
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my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade.
due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country.
since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up.
the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding.
at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with).
i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding.
i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita?
| 6,061 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndiyyo/aita_for_having_a_family_dinner_after_my_sisters/
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2021-05-16 07:26:43
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yta. that is a dick move to have a dinner the same night as her wedding without running it past her first.
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>allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade
no you didn’t rain on their parade you straight up stole it.
you couldn’t manage to get over yourself and put a smile on for a few hours to be at your sisters wedding and if that’s not bad enough you straight up stole her guests from the reception and you don’t think your ta? you are sorely mistaken.
this is absolutely awful and you should be ashamed of yourself for ruining your sister’s wedding.
yta
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yta. i’m having a hard time believing that you didn’t do this on purpose to spite them. you took a chunk of their big day. couldn’t you at least have waited until the next day for your dinner?
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such a dick move. no wonder your sister was cross with you. yta.
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yta here. her wedding isn't some sort of timed event that you get to pull people away from when you decide. they all came for her big day. key word there being "day" - these types of events last longer than the actual wedding.
you could have easily asked everyone to come on sunday for brunch before leaving, or have them come for a sunday dinner perhaps. you didn't. instead you chose to impose on her big day for no real reason.
she should be mad at you.
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yta
you should have gone to her wedding and wished her well. instead you refused to go and then invited her guests to a dinner with you knowing they would all have to leave her wedding.
that was not just thoughtless, it was nasty.
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yta.
you have such bad blood with your sister that you didn’t attend her wedding and then you poached her guests for your own event. and she didn’t even know about this plan in advance.
she was obviously looking forward to spending the evening with them (hence her complaint about not inviting her and her husband to the dinner).
i’d love to know the source of your tension with jay.
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omg, were you raised in a barn? have you ever been to a decent wedding before? do you have any semblance of social graces? you may not have attended your sister’s wedding but you sure managed to ruin it anyway. your sister is right, you stole her guests and cut her big day short. even if you hadn’t misjudged the usual time spent at a wedding, planning this on the same day is a huge ah move. your relatives probably felt obligated to come to your dinner for the reasons you mentioned about them being old and living far away. if they’re in town for the wedding i bet they were around for more than one night so i’m sure you could have done a dinner or something else at another time, and even if you couldn’t, this was still awful. very thoughtless of you.
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yes, yta. you couldn't just get along with the guy for one day? it's not like you even would have to talk to him all that much - and then at the wedding you would've gotten to see all the people.
why didn't you at least ask your sister when she thought the wedding would finish? that would really have been the absolute bare minimum in courtesy.
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yta.
you planned a dinner on your sisters wedding day
5 hours for a wedding. this things usually last well into the evening.
can't believe anyone actually showed up to your dinner.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade. due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country. since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up. the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding. at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with). i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding. i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister “jess” (30/f) got married on saturday morning, i (26/f) did not attend for a multitude of reasons, but primarily because i don’t care for her fiancé, “jay,” and we don’t get along, so i figured i would skip to allow for them to have a happy time without me being a debby downer and raining on their parade. due to the wedding, several family members were in town, some that i hadn’t seen for quite a few years and may not get to see again before they get too old or pass away as they are older or live out of the country. since i didn’t go to wedding, i figured that i would host a family dinner later in the evening from the wedding as most family members are scheduled to leave on sunday or monday and everyone would be split up. the wedding began at 11 am and the dinner was scheduled to begin at 5pm. i do live about an hour from the venue, so i knew most people would be on the road by 4 pm but i figured that seeing as the wedding started at 11, 5 hours would be plenty of time for everyone to visit and mingle with jess at the actual wedding. at around 4:30 jess called me, completely irate, yelling, swearing and just generally saying harsh things about how i’d stolen her guests and ruined her day in multiple ways, especially since i didn’t invite her and jay to the dinner (again, the fiancé that i don’t get along with). i didn’t beg anyone to come to the dinner nor did i pressure anyone and left it open to them all about whether or not they wanted to come (which most of them did). i thought this was a fine compromise since it would decrease the tension for everyone involved and make for smoother sailing, but jess sent me an incredibly nasty message and has blocked me from her instagram and facebook. i’m unsure of whether or not she blocked my phone number or if she’s just not responding. i didn’t think the dinner idea was so terrible, but my boyfriend feels like it was an a-hole move and that i should try and apologize to her, but i need more perspectives. so, aita? [/INST] yta. that is a dick move to have a dinner the same night as her wedding without running it past her first. </s>
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AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?
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okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now.
a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject.
i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?
| 27,399 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgq9zs/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_nephew_about_where/
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2019-07-23 09:17:29
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nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.
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nta. you told the truth and you even downplayed her part by saying it was a "silly mistake". i wonder if your nephew is perhaps lgbtq+ himself and is now upset with his mom because he is afraid the same will happen to him. or likely he's just a good kid that knows that love=love, and is not afraid to stand up for what is right. either way, good on him.
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nta: you didn’t do absolutely anything wrong. don’t feel bad that your sister both outed you out and then got mad at you because she didn’t want to look homophobic in the eyes of her son, which she might still be. you did the right thing. i’m familiar with these family secrets, and in the long run it ends up hurting family members.
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nta. it's not up to your sister or anyone else in your family to decide whether or not it's in the past. your sister and parents are grade a homophobic assholes and i'd rethink the whole "it was just a silly mistake on her part" considering the way she reacted to you telling the truth to your nephew.
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clearly nta. you were *kicked out and rejected by your family* for over a decade, and she's saying they're not bad people or homophobic? she can think you're out of line or that it should have stayed in the past, but she sounds out of touch with reality and unwilling to own up to anything. has she ever apologized? has your mom?
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nta, but your sister seems to be. maybe she ain't a bad person, but she did a real shitty thing that caused you a lot of trauma, and she should own up to that - not try to sweep it under the rug.
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nta.
you can share your story with whomever you please. your nephew is also old enough to make his own judgement and deserves to know why his uncle wasn't around. i'm sorry that your sister sucks, i hope she comes around.
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nta. your nephew wanted answers, and you told him to ask his mom, but he wanted to hear your side, which you were honest about. your sister is the ah for outing you and then acting like the victim when called out on it by her son, your parents are the ahs for kicking you out and their homophobia. your nephew seems cool though, props to him.
your sister says you’re “pretending they’re bad people”, but she hasn’t stopped to consider that they are, and they’re finally being called out on it. you were extremely kind (more so than i would have been) by trying to save your sister by saying she wouldn’t do that anymore and trying to not diminish your nephew’s opinion of his mother.
tbh though i have no sympathy for her or anyone who intentionally outs someone who does not want to be.
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nta. looks like she did it a second time.
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nta, and what did u do when u were kicked out like how did u live. were u homeless?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, let me just get right into this. i [27m] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister [37f] outed me to my parents as gay. they completely cut off all contact with me and i didn't see any of my family up until last year, when my father passed away and mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again. when i was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old. for the less maths savvy, that makes him 16 now. a couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and i ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff. he asked me why i wasn't around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that. i asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won't talk about it. i told him he's maybe better having this conversation with her but he kept pressing until i eventually confessed i was cut off for being gay. he made a face and asked how my parents even found out. i told him i was outed by my sister, but that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that i don't think she'd do something like that *now* and that it was just a silly mistake on her part. he got a bit quiet and changed the subject. i got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that i'd told him and accusing me of trying to poison her not only against her but agaisnt the rest of the family too by "pretending they're bad people" and "making up false homophobia accusations". i explained to her that i didn't tell him anything but the truth because he asked and i think he's old enough to deserve honesty. she just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew. i'm crushed because obviously i love the kid. did i do the wrong thing? should i have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something? [/INST] nta, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences. </s>
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AITA for ignoring a crying girl on the plane?
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so i had a nonstop flight yesterday from la to dc, a little under five hours total. i was sitting in the middle seat in a row on the right side of the plane, and the girl in the window seat was wearing all black and was clearly either going directly to or from a funeral. she looked like she was maybe 12 or 13. i don't know why she was traveling alone, i didn't ask.
she was crying quietly the entire flight. she wasn't being loud or anything, but it was still very distracting and stressful. she tried to engage me in conversation several times when i glanced at her but i pretended i was absorbed in playing a game on my phone and that i didn't hear her. i'm not good at situations like this and i thought i might make things worse if i said something wrong. about halfway through the flight, i put in headphones and listened to music on my phone because it was stressing me out too much. someone in one of the other rows must have flagged over a flight attendant at some point, because one of them came over to talk to her a little later, and she seemed like she was doing a little better after that, even though she was still crying.
i told my girlfriend about it when she picked me up from the airport, and she acted like i was the biggest jerk in the world. she said this was probably the worst day of that girl's life and i should have at least said something nice to her. aita?
| 3,465 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e991qx/aita_for_ignoring_a_crying_girl_on_the_plane/
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2019-12-11 16:11:34
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yta - come on man, she tried to talk to you, you couldn't have just heard her out?
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yta so much. jesus dude. a sad child tried to talk to you and you just completely fucking ignored her.
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yta yeah. you made the world a little colder and less caring for a young person that obviously was struggling. while it was not your responsibility or problem, it would have cost you very little to just listen for a second.
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yta
she was a minor and she was in distress.
i don’t give a f*** about your comfort, if you don’t want to have a conversation or help out for whatever reason, just ask what the problem is and call a flight attendant.
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yta
> she tried to engage me in conversation several times when i glanced at her but i pretended i was absorbed in playing a game on my phone
really dude? are you that self-absorbed?
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yta - kindness goes a long way and she was a child.
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info: how do you listen to (or block out) a young child crying quietly for 5 hours while sitting pressed up against them and not feel like the asshole?
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yta - my brother passed away a few years ago and in the days leading up to his service i was doing really well holding my emotions in check, until i just couldn't anymore. i ended up bursting into tears while checking out at the grocery store. i promise you i was just as uncomfortable as the cashier who tried to rush me out the door. as i was loading my bags into my car in the parking lot, the guy who was loading his purchases into the car next to me, stopped what he was doing to come over to check on me. he let me vent for a moment, then asked if it would be ok to give me a hug. i sobbed into that strangers shoulder for several minutes until i got it out of my system. he asked if i had people at home to be with, offered to have his wife come so they could drive me home, he wanted to make sure i was going to be ok.
a few months later at a gas station i ran into a woman driving the car he had been in. i awkwardly walked up and asked if she had a partner that occasionally drove her vehicle and after a few questions we figured out it was her husband who comforted me that day. we stood and ugly cried at the gas station while i explained how much that had helped me at one of my lowest moments. i will never ever forget his kindness that day and have told this story many times. this type of generosity is what is seriously lacking in our world. giving just a few minutes of your time could change someones day, week and even life. sometimes we can't choose our circumstances, but we can always choose kindness.
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yta.
maybe the girl just wanted someone to talk to and help take her mind off whatever was bothering her.
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yta
to straight up ignore her was pretty bad, you found yourself in a sucky situation but you handled it pretty poorly.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i had a nonstop flight yesterday from la to dc, a little under five hours total. i was sitting in the middle seat in a row on the right side of the plane, and the girl in the window seat was wearing all black and was clearly either going directly to or from a funeral. she looked like she was maybe 12 or 13. i don't know why she was traveling alone, i didn't ask. she was crying quietly the entire flight. she wasn't being loud or anything, but it was still very distracting and stressful. she tried to engage me in conversation several times when i glanced at her but i pretended i was absorbed in playing a game on my phone and that i didn't hear her. i'm not good at situations like this and i thought i might make things worse if i said something wrong. about halfway through the flight, i put in headphones and listened to music on my phone because it was stressing me out too much. someone in one of the other rows must have flagged over a flight attendant at some point, because one of them came over to talk to her a little later, and she seemed like she was doing a little better after that, even though she was still crying. i told my girlfriend about it when she picked me up from the airport, and she acted like i was the biggest jerk in the world. she said this was probably the worst day of that girl's life and i should have at least said something nice to her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i had a nonstop flight yesterday from la to dc, a little under five hours total. i was sitting in the middle seat in a row on the right side of the plane, and the girl in the window seat was wearing all black and was clearly either going directly to or from a funeral. she looked like she was maybe 12 or 13. i don't know why she was traveling alone, i didn't ask. she was crying quietly the entire flight. she wasn't being loud or anything, but it was still very distracting and stressful. she tried to engage me in conversation several times when i glanced at her but i pretended i was absorbed in playing a game on my phone and that i didn't hear her. i'm not good at situations like this and i thought i might make things worse if i said something wrong. about halfway through the flight, i put in headphones and listened to music on my phone because it was stressing me out too much. someone in one of the other rows must have flagged over a flight attendant at some point, because one of them came over to talk to her a little later, and she seemed like she was doing a little better after that, even though she was still crying. i told my girlfriend about it when she picked me up from the airport, and she acted like i was the biggest jerk in the world. she said this was probably the worst day of that girl's life and i should have at least said something nice to her. aita? [/INST] yta - come on man, she tried to talk to you, you couldn't have just heard her out? </s>
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AITA for telling my friend's gf that she did ruin the night when asked?
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i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw.
axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him.
we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew.
when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said.
| 5,607 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtjmwk/aita_for_telling_my_friends_gf_that_she_did_ruin/
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2022-08-20 22:43:48
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yta. she made a joke to cut the tension because you all were being weird and cold to her for no reason. you said nothing instead of the obvious ‘of course not! we’re just a little tired’ or whatever. you had time to hang out with no partners, was it really such a big deal to hang out with jess for an hour? you make it sound like you have no problem with her but it really seems like you don’t like her.
and like...you could have had your friend tell her the gathering was wrapping up and he’d meet her at home if that was actually the case? the whole thing was so weird and passive aggressive.
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nobody told her he had other plans by the sound of her turning up to do their usual thing. nobody asked her to wait at the apartment and let axl meet her there. nobody said she could come but you were already planning on ending it at whatever time so she knew it was the end of the celebration.
i get wanting time with your friends without partners, but nobody said anything to this poor girl and you're expecting her to be psychic. she won't have even known no other partners were there for sure as she didn't know it was going on.
yta for not speaking up sooner if you had a preference and also for being rude when she obviously asked to cut some tension with you all clearing up. anyone with an ounce of empathy would know your answer would hurt, you had the perfect chance to say, "not at all, we were all planning an early finish anyway!" but instead, chose to be unnecessarily hurtful.
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i'm going to say nta for a couple reasons.
first, she told him she couldn't make it, and didn't let him know her plans changed. she knew that he had won something, and should have known that he *might* have made other plans because she couldn't come. she should have at least texted, and said "hey, plans changed, mind if i still come out?"
second, when she did call him, and he said he was out with friends, she *invited herself over* rather than asking whether she could join, or saying "okay, i'll see you when you're done" or whatever. don't just invite yourself places like that. it's rude.
third, she *asked* if she ruined the mood. i am a *firm* believer in "don't ask questions you don't want the answer to". if you had just said "hey, fuck you, you're not welcome here", it would be different, but you didn't.
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yta. did you speak up and tell axl that she wasn’t welcome? you said axl knew that she wasn’t welcome (how do you know - you said no one told him?) and he didn’t say anything either. how could she have known in advance that she wasn’t welcome? she’s not a mind reader. it sounds like the night was winding down anyway and one of the people had to leave. the mood had already changed, she didn’t do that. any mood change that was specifically attributed to her was caused by everyone who didn’t bother to just simply let her know it was a quiet hangout that was winding down. yes she asked a specific question, but everyone but her made crappy choices that created the situation. this is one of those situations where a social nicety is appropriate because the person didn’t cause the problem.
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yta - it was no one's fault that this happened and you were making her feel unwelcome for no reason. i get that you wanted to plan something just for "the old gang" but it doesn't sound like that was made clear to jess.
yes it was a bit pushy of her to invite herself over but not completely unreasonable seeing as it was a celebration for her partner with his friends.
the night may not have gone as you planned because jess managed to finish her work early but that isn't her fault and it's unfair to take your disappointment out on her.
sure she did ask for an honest opinion but come on, read between the lines a little bit.
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yta
for your friend's sake.. you don't tell his girlfriend that she ruined your night. this will hurt her no matter how you put it. then, it will hurt him, or his relationship with her. he may really love the girl, and you just put him in an incredible uncomfortable situation.
next time, do what any friend would do, and answer the polite way "no, it's no problem, maybe we're a little tired, it's getting late".
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yta the problem isnt that you answered a question honestly after being asked, its the weird set up of an awkward situation that pushed her out and made her unwelcome.
having a gathering just the three of you is fair but why didnt you just say that?? scheduling it around when she wasnt able to attend instead of just saying "oh shall we do a lil party for just us?" is snakey and insulting.
>we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her.
or, again, you could just use your words and say "we're only staying till about 9" and she could have just met axl at his, or not come or whatever. its fairly standard that if someone is joining later you tell them how long you plan to be out (tbf its also standard to ask before joining she also loses some communication points here).
>she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no??
of course she was offended. tbh i hate this idea that if you ask a question you cant be offended by the answer. just because she would rather know that you didn't want her there than carry on with you all being silently annoyed, doesnt mean she won't be insulted by the original fact that you didnt want her there and no one told her. it would be weird to subsequently get offended that you said it to her face but the fact in itself is unchanged by the question.
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yta
is the "no partners" things really as serious as this woman driving 3 hours to see her so? sometimes the truth is rude.
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yta. that was a hurtful and unnecessary thing to say. it's weird that you all were so bothered by her presence, and i don't understand why no one could be honest with her either. axl could've let her know this was an "old friends catching up" thing, or you all could've let her know that the evening had a planned end time. jess didn't do anything wrong, so why do you think it's okay to be mean to her?
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yta- get your head out of high school mode, he loves her that is all that should matter to a good friend. stop acting like she is the problem when clearly you are the one with the problem. growup.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw. axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him. we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew. when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(25f) have a close friend group of 4 (including me) 2 men and another girl, all of us are in committed relationships and live in the same city, this problem is about axl(25m) and his gf, jess (23f). she lives 3 hours away because she's finishing college, we're friendly and everything, no super close, but chill. this happened last week btw. axl recently won an award on his field and we were pretty excited for him, his family already celebrated him, but jess was unable to attend because she was getting settled in her new apartment, they rotate weekends to see each other and so, jess was supposed to come that one, but said she had so much homework and was unable to, so we(my friends and i) thought it was a good time to celebrate axl alone, i'll admit, we did do it because jess wasn't coming, we rarely go out alone anymore because we're busy on week-days and then he's busy on weekends, we wanted to have something without out partners, like the old times, so we went ahead and decorated one of the guys apartments, bought food, drinks and a cake, axl thought it was a normal hangout, but was so happy and excited when he realized it was for him. we began early (like 6-7pm) because we all had to see our families next day, we weren't planning on getting drunk, but we had a couple of drinks, around 8-8:30, jess calls axl and tell him she was able to come and she's at his apartment, but he's not there, he tells her she's with us at \[friend's\] apt celebrating him and we can hear her say ''cool! i'm on my way'' and then hangs up. we all get quiet, because we all knew it was supposed to be a no-partner thing, and we were only planning on staying around 9:00 to 9:30 and with jess here, we would have to stay a little more so she wouldn't think we cut it short because of her. nobody said anything to axl, but he knew. when jess arrived we kept socializing and the other girl did leave at 9:30 because she had to do baby night routine with her husband. i was at the kitchen washing some dishes when jess comes to me and ''jokingly'' says that she feels she ruined the mood and i don't say anything, 5 minutes later she says ''be honest \[op\] did i ruin the mood?'' and i just said ''well.. you kind of did, you're the only partner here and we wanted to have some fun time with him, but no biggie'', she looks offended like she hoped i'd say no?? but anyway, we all leave and axl texted us next morning that she went to stay with her parents because we made her feel ''unwelcome''. my friend and i were talking about that today and we were wondering if i did wrong for saying what i said. [/INST] yta. she made a joke to cut the tension because you all were being weird and cold to her for no reason. you said nothing instead of the obvious ‘of course not! we’re just a little tired’ or whatever. you had time to hang out with no partners, was it really such a big deal to hang out with jess for an hour? you make it sound like you have no problem with her but it really seems like you don’t like her. and like...you could have had your friend tell her the gathering was wrapping up and he’d meet her at home if that was actually the case? the whole thing was so weird and passive aggressive. </s>
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AITA for not wanting a Med School student to watch my doctor perform a rectoscope on me?
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(i don't live in the us)
long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part
she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said.
after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left.
aita??
| 8,689 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbebra/aita_for_not_wanting_a_med_school_student_to/
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2022-07-29 20:04:26
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yta because of your edit. you admit that you went to this hospital knowing that it is a teaching hospital (medical school hospital). the students can’t learn if they don’t observe.
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esh. had to re-do comment in light of the edit. it's a med school hospital. there will always be a student present. you acted inappropriately, but so did the student for confronting you afterward.
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nta
doctors should always ask whether you're comfortable with a student being here - and you have every right to refuse. at least, that's how it works in my country.
sure, the students need to learn, but one thing they need to learn as well is: a patient is a human being to be treated with respect and dignity, not some weird object to probe.
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med student here. nta - i think you started off a bit rude, but the fact is, you should have been asked, and you clearly stated you didn’t consent to have the student in there. for her to then chase you down and insult you is beyond the pale - if you haven’t done so already, i’d report both the doctor and the student. incredibly unprofessional from both of them, and i’m sorry that you experienced this. although we as students greatly appreciate having opportunities to interact with patients during our training, you always have the right to not have a student present (especially for an invasive procedure)
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nt/a. they should have gotten your consent before assuming you’d be okay with it and they got mad at you when their plan backfired. she had no right to be there.
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nta. in the uk, you’re asked for permission before a medical student is allowed to observe or assist in your treatment. it is by no means an obligation. sure, it’s better if people feel able to give that permission so students can learn - they all have to learn and live patients are the best way - but if you feel uncomfortable you should by no means be forced into accepting it.
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nta - the doctor was supposed to ask you for permission before showing your privates to a random girl event if she was a student, and then keep her trap shut and remove the student when you became uncomfortable.
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nta
you should report the student and the doctor.
even if teaching hospitals, doctors have to ask for consent. if there was a random dude at a obgyn appointment that was not even properly introduced, women should not accept this to happen. patients still have to consent.
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nta. your body, your rules. there are plenty of patients who don't mind, and who can't be used for learning opportunities.
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a lot of people are saying yta bc it’s a teaching hospital but yall… just because it is a teaching hospital does not mean that you don’t have a say in who is part of your care… i’m genuinely worried bc a lot of you seem to think that.
i just finished nursing school and did my clinicals at the teaching hospital partnered with my school and the med school(same concept as the hospital op mentioned) and every single time that we were going to observe something or give care to a patient, we had to absolutely first get the patients consent. a lot of people were totally fine with it for things like meds and typical care and procedures because it’s a teaching hospital but there were some things that a lot of people didn’t feel comfortable with students being present and thats okay because the patients comfort matters. several times, the patient declined having me there to observe and then i immediately respected that and left. i didn’t try to reason with them and i didn’t argue with them.
the doctor absolutely should’ve asked op if he felt comfortable before even bringing in the student and the student was completely unprofessional.
i really really need y’all to understand that coercing patients to consent to things that make them uncomfortable and *are not medically necessary* (such as being observed by a student) because it makes things easier for the provider, is not how medicine and healthcare should be practiced and actively goes against the standards of care.
op, you are nta and honestly that doctor and the student could even be reported to their superiors for the way they treated you.
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.326734 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (i don't live in the us) long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said. after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left. aita??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(i don't live in the us) long story short, my doctor told me (29m) that she will perform a rectoscope to see if i really have hemorrhoids or something else. it was already embarrassing to discuss my medical issue in front of a bunch of medical students (and ask questions too) but i didn't mind it so much until the next part she got me into the exam room, and with her, there was a student (medical training with her) my doctor told me to get into the position (get my pants off, and literally show her my asshole to insert the thing) i was like "in front of her?" she said "yes?" it threw me off because i never expected this to happen, i told her that i'm not gonna do this until she gets out of the room. the student told me that she's just here to observe and ask questions so that she learns, i told her that it's cute but i'm not gonna do it in front of her so she needs to get out, i got into a small fight with the doctor and the student both insisting that it's okay for her to be there and trying to convince me but eventually, the doctor gave up and agreed to what i said. after finishing my visit, that student confronted me and made me know that she didn't like the way i spoke to her and that there is no shame in medicine as she is only there for learning, i told her off and that i don't want her to see me naked, she called me an asshole and left. aita?? [/INST] yta because of your edit. you admit that you went to this hospital knowing that it is a teaching hospital (medical school hospital). the students can’t learn if they don’t observe. </s>
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AITA telling my husband to get over himself after he accused me of sharing his "private medical information" with my friends?
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my husband has been in and out of the hospital for 2 months for health problems. he's home getting rest and his condition is stable, not improving but is at least stable.
my (female) friends come over since i can't leave the house during the night and we chat in the living room for an hour or 2.
my husband heard me talk about his health with my friends and seemed bothered. i told him i was just telling them about what's been going on, but he said i could keep it vague without disclosing his private medical info. i thought he was being ridiculous for this and thought he'd let it go but last night, he blew up at me after my friends left saying that i once again went and shared private medical info about him with his consent and despite him repeatedly asking me to stop. we had a loud argument where i told him off for policing my mouth and told him to get over himself since it wasn't like i was sharing his medical file online or stuff like that. i'm just venting to my friends.
he's sulking and is refusing to let it go saying i'm violating his privacy repeatedly and disrespecting his boundaries. but i think he overreacted.
aita
*edit, listen, i'm not doing this deliberately. i just vent and they are my closest friends. what is he so worried about? that they'll share this with the whole city?!?! besides, it's not like my friends or those who know us don't know he's sick. he can't even stand on his feet for more than a couple of minutes and everyone is aware of his condition and can tell by the physical state he's in*
*i'm sorry i forgot to put our ages if it's relevent. i'm f32, he's m36, he has chc that got worse within a year and more intense in just 2 months time. i'm his caregiver but family help out here and there*
*i'm open and accept judgement but was just trying to put more information to make things clear*
| 6,543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycnp01/aita_telling_my_husband_to_get_over_himself_after/
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2022-10-24 21:48:45
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yta.
he stated his boundaries. you disrespected them.
medical information is personal. he has the right to decide who knows it. not you, not to vent.
honestly, i kinda think you needed to get over *yourself.*
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your husband specifically requested that you stop sharing his private medical info, while specifically *not* objecting to you having conversations with your friends about what you are going through
and your response to this reasonable request was not to discuss it with him, not to try to figure out a compromise, but instead to simply dismiss him as ridiculous?
yeah, yta
your husband isn't policing what you say by declaring his personal medical info off limits. he's not saying you can't vent to your friends. he's saying that, when you vent, find a way to do it while being non-specific about *his* personal info. and frankly, if you can't find a way to do that for him when he is in a vulnerable state, you have much bigger problems than just this argument
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yta
you were asked not to share his private medical information, you did anyway. that's just completely out of line on your part.
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[removed]
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yta
he asked you not to discuss his medical issues, and you did it anyway. have some respect. he's allowed to decide what he wants other people to know about him and his personal medical problems.
he is right. you are violating his privacy and you are disrespecting his boundaries.
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"my partner gave me a very clear boundary regarding *their* personal medical information. i think the boundary is ridiculous, told him he was "policing" my mouth and shattered his boundary. he's now mad at me like i did something wrong. aita?"
yes, absolutely yta.
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yta. my mom had surgery 3 years ago and there were a lot of complications that kept her laid up at home for months. i was her primary caretaker and some of the stuff we went through was horrible. i vented to my friends because i was exhausted but i never once told them any of the nitty gritty stuff. why? because it was my mom’s private info and she would’ve been humiliated if i’d told people. your husband is going through enough without having to realize that you’re completely callous and don’t care about his feelings. shut your mouth and be a decent wife.
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jesus, yes yta
my mom used to do this to me all the time growing up, telling her friends wildly private details about my medical problems. always defended herself by saying “it’s stressful for me, i should be allowed to vent to my friends”. guess who doesn’t get to know any private details about my life anymore? you absolutely are not allowed to share details if the person who’s medical details you’re sharing doesn’t want you to.
if you and your husband had a baby and during childbirth you got a particularly nasty tear down there that required a long time to heal, would you be okay with your husband venting to his buddies about the uncomfortable things he has to do to help you recuperate? or would that be violating your boundaries?
you’re also an extra bit of asshole for the “policing my mouth” bit. you’re literally talking about him. he gets to have final say about how much he’s comfortable with you sharing, full stop.
grow up.
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100% yta. you couldn't respect his boundaries regarding his health, how selfish are you?
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>he said i could keep it vague without disclosing his private medical info. i thought he was being ridiculous for this and thought he'd let it go
so, to be clear:
1. he was upset that you discussed his health with your friends and told you so.
2. he told you not to do it again.
3. you thought his boundaries are ridiculous and did it again.
4. he got upset.
5. you told him to get over himself.
and you somehow think ***you're*** the victim in this scenario?
yta
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| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband has been in and out of the hospital for 2 months for health problems. he's home getting rest and his condition is stable, not improving but is at least stable. my (female) friends come over since i can't leave the house during the night and we chat in the living room for an hour or 2. my husband heard me talk about his health with my friends and seemed bothered. i told him i was just telling them about what's been going on, but he said i could keep it vague without disclosing his private medical info. i thought he was being ridiculous for this and thought he'd let it go but last night, he blew up at me after my friends left saying that i once again went and shared private medical info about him with his consent and despite him repeatedly asking me to stop. we had a loud argument where i told him off for policing my mouth and told him to get over himself since it wasn't like i was sharing his medical file online or stuff like that. i'm just venting to my friends. he's sulking and is refusing to let it go saying i'm violating his privacy repeatedly and disrespecting his boundaries. but i think he overreacted. aita *edit, listen, i'm not doing this deliberately. i just vent and they are my closest friends. what is he so worried about? that they'll share this with the whole city?!?! besides, it's not like my friends or those who know us don't know he's sick. he can't even stand on his feet for more than a couple of minutes and everyone is aware of his condition and can tell by the physical state he's in* *i'm sorry i forgot to put our ages if it's relevent. i'm f32, he's m36, he has chc that got worse within a year and more intense in just 2 months time. i'm his caregiver but family help out here and there* *i'm open and accept judgement but was just trying to put more information to make things clear*
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband has been in and out of the hospital for 2 months for health problems. he's home getting rest and his condition is stable, not improving but is at least stable. my (female) friends come over since i can't leave the house during the night and we chat in the living room for an hour or 2. my husband heard me talk about his health with my friends and seemed bothered. i told him i was just telling them about what's been going on, but he said i could keep it vague without disclosing his private medical info. i thought he was being ridiculous for this and thought he'd let it go but last night, he blew up at me after my friends left saying that i once again went and shared private medical info about him with his consent and despite him repeatedly asking me to stop. we had a loud argument where i told him off for policing my mouth and told him to get over himself since it wasn't like i was sharing his medical file online or stuff like that. i'm just venting to my friends. he's sulking and is refusing to let it go saying i'm violating his privacy repeatedly and disrespecting his boundaries. but i think he overreacted. aita *edit, listen, i'm not doing this deliberately. i just vent and they are my closest friends. what is he so worried about? that they'll share this with the whole city?!?! besides, it's not like my friends or those who know us don't know he's sick. he can't even stand on his feet for more than a couple of minutes and everyone is aware of his condition and can tell by the physical state he's in* *i'm sorry i forgot to put our ages if it's relevent. i'm f32, he's m36, he has chc that got worse within a year and more intense in just 2 months time. i'm his caregiver but family help out here and there* *i'm open and accept judgement but was just trying to put more information to make things clear* [/INST] yta. he stated his boundaries. you disrespected them. medical information is personal. he has the right to decide who knows it. not you, not to vent. honestly, i kinda think you needed to get over *yourself.* </s>
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AITA for my husbands aunts tree being cut down?
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my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap.
my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home.
i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space.
because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence.
at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened.
what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree.
my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door.
terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt.
later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here?
| 16,121 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xncev7/aita_for_my_husbands_aunts_tree_being_cut_down/
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2022-09-25 03:35:58
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yta for letting it continue when your husband said no. the aunt said no to the gate and no is a complete sentence. your parents removed a tree from a yard they do not own. how stupid and selfish of them. everyone is the ah besides your husband, his aunt and family. the aunt can hire a lawyer and sue your parents and the company who did it without her permission. and honestly i hope she does
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yta. she said no!
why do your parents have an rv that they have no room for?
why did your father even think any of this was appropriate?
let me reiterate - she said no!
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yta
you are such ta i'm a bit speechless you thought to post this.
here's my main sticking point. you asked. she said no.
>my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean.
who are you married to, your father or your husband? why did you not put your foot down with your father? i'm just sorry that your husband has to share the consequences to this.
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yta. none of this is fair to your aunt, and it doesn't matter if the tree was a random tree growing on her property or had a special meaning; you broke the lease and cost her damages and i would expect to be sued for the loss if i were you.
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yta, obviously and hugely. everybody else already told you that.
however — if the felled tree is still there and still has live branches on it, you might be able to take some cuttings and make clones for your husband’s aunt. is won’t save you from getting evicted or from other consequences, but it might be a good start for showing contrition. the tree appreciation sub r/marijuanaenthusiasts (yes, really) can provide more instruction on taking and rooting fruit tree cuttings — and give you an idea of what the law thinks of your liability for the tree.
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your dad is mostly the a-hole. he started the gate, plus he ordered the tree to be removed. but, why didn't you stop all of this as soon as you realized what was happening? you are the point-of-contact for your side of the family, so they blame you. you are going to have to own this one. yta.
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yta. why would your parents think they have the authority to come into town and wreck your the aunt’s fence? i’m going to guess and say you either didn’t tell them they couldn’t or you told them to just go ahead anyway…just like you told your dad to just finish the gate instead of paying so much more to repair the fence.
your husband and his whole family is understandably mad at you. i doubt your husband will even want to stay with you after this.
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info: what the fuck
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you and your dad yta. you rent someone’s house and ask to make permanent alterations and are refused. then you go ahead anyway and cut down their tree to make it more convenient? i would throw you out too.
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yta i think what makes you the biggest ah is despite people explaining why it's wrong you still don't get what a bug deal this is. the compromise is that she isn't suing your family and the company did this. like fence aside do you have any idea how much a fully grown apple tree. if my husband did this and continued to act like it was no big deal i'd seriously consider a divorce.
and i do get your side. i rent from family and i couldn't afford to live else where.
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YTA
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| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap. my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home. i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space. because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened. what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree. my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door. terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt. later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband rented his aunts home before we got married. he signed a month to month lease when he moved in. i moved in with him after our marriage because the rent was super cheap. my parents recently came to me asking if they could park their rv at our home. i didn’t see a problem with this. our yards are really big and there is space. because of city ordinance the rv has to be parked in the back yard. there was no rv gate in the fence. my husband went to his aunt and asked if we could install a rv gate? his aunt said no. my husband relayed the message to me and my parents seemed upset when i told them. 2 days ago. i came home from work and saw that my dad had a construction crew at our home and had removed part of the fence for the gate. there was a apple tree in the way. they couldn’t fit the rv in the yard. my husband angry told my dad not to continue and that they needed to repair the fence. at this point i felt like it was pointless. the fence guys already built the columns for the gate. it would cost a lot more money to rebuild the fence. i told my dad to finish the job but make sure it was left super clean. that it looked nice. i planned on talking to the aunt later and explain what happened. what i didn’t know was my dad told the guys to remove the tree. my husbands aunt came by and saw the tree cut down and started to cry. she has refused to talk to my dad or me. when my husband came home he found a 30 day notice on our door. terminating our lease. he tried to call his aunt and she didn’t answer the phone. he then called my mil and she went to talk to our aunt. later i got several messages calling me an a for cutting down the aunts late husbands tree. i had no idea he planted the tree. now my husband and his whole family are really angry at me. i never told them to remove the tree. i feel like i am being thrown under the bus here. am i the a here? [/INST] yta for letting it continue when your husband said no. the aunt said no to the gate and no is a complete sentence. your parents removed a tree from a yard they do not own. how stupid and selfish of them. everyone is the ah besides your husband, his aunt and family. the aunt can hire a lawyer and sue your parents and the company who did it without her permission. and honestly i hope she does </s>
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AITA for ruining someone’s day during my wedding?
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throwaway account because i’m aware that i have relatives who do use reddit.
i (26f) recently just got married a few days ago. it was a traditional punjabi wedding and i had an absolute blast. for some context, i have 3 brothers and no sisters. in traditional indian weddings, there are certain ceremonies where you would need your female relatives to be a part of. since i have no sisters, my cousins stepped in. my families have always had a strained relationship with one another, always due to some petty fights that occurred years ago that some of the relatives just can’t let go of. most of the cousins don’t partake in this because we’re aware that it’s ridiculous.
i have one cousin i’ll name x (18f) who is extremely nice but unfortunately super shy and timid. she has always been like this and most of us have just grown up being protective of her, especially since she is one of the youngest cousins.
during one of these ceremonies, i insisted that my cousin be a main part of it because i know she would genuinely enjoy it but would be to shy to volunteer herself or ask for it. one of my cousins fiancée’s (28f) however, is quite the opposite. she constantly likes to put herself in the middle of everything, despite already being told of her given duties during the ceremony.
this is the part where i may be the asshole. during one of the ceremonies, you are supposed to have one of your female relatives sit behind you on stage and basically just take care of you, fix your hair or your clothes etc. i specifically told cousin x that she would be the one to do this for me.
however, when the day came, my cousin’s fiancée was the one who took her spot. i was confused but could not do much. after the ceremony, i found cousin x and she explained to me that the fiancee who took her spot had basically scolded her and yelled at her, saying that she should be the one doing it since cousin x is still young and doesn’t know anything. she then told cousin x to go sit down with the other guests, despite cousin x’s protests. cousin x’s mother (my aunty who i absolutely adore and has been a huge help with the wedding) was quite upset with this but did not want to cause a scene and just told cousin x it’s okay.
when i heard this, i was furious. the fiancée took what was meant to be a special moment and made it all about herself. i sat the fiancée down and told her that she had no right to do what she did and i was extremely upset with her for doing so. apparently she was so upset by this conversation, she refused to come for the other ceremonies the next day. i was fine with this, because i generally don’t like adults who throw temper tantrums but my cousin says that i had no right to speak to his fiancée like that and now his entire family has been constantly saying a lot of negative things about my family and the whole situation.
aita?
| 20,736 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unxae2/aita_for_ruining_someones_day_during_my_wedding/
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2022-05-12 09:37:46
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nta. man a desi wedding is not complete until all the relatives are mad at each other.
i hope you had a really nice wedding. and that cousin x was able to help you out in other ways. what did your parents think of it all?
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nta - the fiancée should have discussed the change with you first and not gone against your wishes. if family is mad tell them that you are too because the fiancée over stepped your boundries by making a decision on your wedding. you choose x for a reason and her being old enough was for you to decide.
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nta. you should point out that she spoiled your day and it was your day.
"apparently she was so upset by this conversation, she refused to come for the other ceremonies the next day." this is the best thing she did on the day. also, knowing how a indian family dynamic works: i suspect her soon to be mother in law might have know her plan and just kept it quite.
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nta.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
she did something nasty and selfish and probably assumed you wouldn't call her out on it but you did. good on you.
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not only are you nta, she sounds unhinged! who calls someone's wedding photographer, and tries to bribe them to destroy their wedding photos? what an absolute nightmare of a human being. i'm so sorry you had to endure her behavior on your special day.
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nta. i would respond to the people that are giving you and your cousin crap about it with this:
"this moment was meant for a close female relative, as is tradition. cousin's fiancée *is not* a female relative because she hasn't married him yet. she inserted herself into our family despite not being an official member. if she and cousin had already been married, i would have considered her for the role, but due to her being unmarried i felt it went against our traditions."
usually, someone making an argument/defense like above pisses me off, but she and the rest of her defenders are so out of line that i'm more pissed at them on your behalf. if her family and your family are very into traditions making it about her violating them might help you gain traction against them. also, grown ass woman bullied someone 10 years younger than her to get her way and get some attention on herself. some of your family is supporting a bully rather than calling her on it.
another way to respond is:
"at least i was trying to follow tradition, unlike her."
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a small
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nta, its your special day and you get to decide who helps you with the ceremonies/traditions. that fiancée needs to stop making stuff about herself
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why did your cousin say you shouldn't yell at his fiance?
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account because i’m aware that i have relatives who do use reddit. i (26f) recently just got married a few days ago. it was a traditional punjabi wedding and i had an absolute blast. for some context, i have 3 brothers and no sisters. in traditional indian weddings, there are certain ceremonies where you would need your female relatives to be a part of. since i have no sisters, my cousins stepped in. my families have always had a strained relationship with one another, always due to some petty fights that occurred years ago that some of the relatives just can’t let go of. most of the cousins don’t partake in this because we’re aware that it’s ridiculous. i have one cousin i’ll name x (18f) who is extremely nice but unfortunately super shy and timid. she has always been like this and most of us have just grown up being protective of her, especially since she is one of the youngest cousins. during one of these ceremonies, i insisted that my cousin be a main part of it because i know she would genuinely enjoy it but would be to shy to volunteer herself or ask for it. one of my cousins fiancée’s (28f) however, is quite the opposite. she constantly likes to put herself in the middle of everything, despite already being told of her given duties during the ceremony. this is the part where i may be the asshole. during one of the ceremonies, you are supposed to have one of your female relatives sit behind you on stage and basically just take care of you, fix your hair or your clothes etc. i specifically told cousin x that she would be the one to do this for me. however, when the day came, my cousin’s fiancée was the one who took her spot. i was confused but could not do much. after the ceremony, i found cousin x and she explained to me that the fiancee who took her spot had basically scolded her and yelled at her, saying that she should be the one doing it since cousin x is still young and doesn’t know anything. she then told cousin x to go sit down with the other guests, despite cousin x’s protests. cousin x’s mother (my aunty who i absolutely adore and has been a huge help with the wedding) was quite upset with this but did not want to cause a scene and just told cousin x it’s okay. when i heard this, i was furious. the fiancée took what was meant to be a special moment and made it all about herself. i sat the fiancée down and told her that she had no right to do what she did and i was extremely upset with her for doing so. apparently she was so upset by this conversation, she refused to come for the other ceremonies the next day. i was fine with this, because i generally don’t like adults who throw temper tantrums but my cousin says that i had no right to speak to his fiancée like that and now his entire family has been constantly saying a lot of negative things about my family and the whole situation. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i’m aware that i have relatives who do use reddit. i (26f) recently just got married a few days ago. it was a traditional punjabi wedding and i had an absolute blast. for some context, i have 3 brothers and no sisters. in traditional indian weddings, there are certain ceremonies where you would need your female relatives to be a part of. since i have no sisters, my cousins stepped in. my families have always had a strained relationship with one another, always due to some petty fights that occurred years ago that some of the relatives just can’t let go of. most of the cousins don’t partake in this because we’re aware that it’s ridiculous. i have one cousin i’ll name x (18f) who is extremely nice but unfortunately super shy and timid. she has always been like this and most of us have just grown up being protective of her, especially since she is one of the youngest cousins. during one of these ceremonies, i insisted that my cousin be a main part of it because i know she would genuinely enjoy it but would be to shy to volunteer herself or ask for it. one of my cousins fiancée’s (28f) however, is quite the opposite. she constantly likes to put herself in the middle of everything, despite already being told of her given duties during the ceremony. this is the part where i may be the asshole. during one of the ceremonies, you are supposed to have one of your female relatives sit behind you on stage and basically just take care of you, fix your hair or your clothes etc. i specifically told cousin x that she would be the one to do this for me. however, when the day came, my cousin’s fiancée was the one who took her spot. i was confused but could not do much. after the ceremony, i found cousin x and she explained to me that the fiancee who took her spot had basically scolded her and yelled at her, saying that she should be the one doing it since cousin x is still young and doesn’t know anything. she then told cousin x to go sit down with the other guests, despite cousin x’s protests. cousin x’s mother (my aunty who i absolutely adore and has been a huge help with the wedding) was quite upset with this but did not want to cause a scene and just told cousin x it’s okay. when i heard this, i was furious. the fiancée took what was meant to be a special moment and made it all about herself. i sat the fiancée down and told her that she had no right to do what she did and i was extremely upset with her for doing so. apparently she was so upset by this conversation, she refused to come for the other ceremonies the next day. i was fine with this, because i generally don’t like adults who throw temper tantrums but my cousin says that i had no right to speak to his fiancée like that and now his entire family has been constantly saying a lot of negative things about my family and the whole situation. aita? [/INST] nta. man a desi wedding is not complete until all the relatives are mad at each other. i hope you had a really nice wedding. and that cousin x was able to help you out in other ways. what did your parents think of it all? </s>
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AITA for pulling out of my best friend’s wedding because I’m not the maid of honor?
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my (27f) best friend (25f) of 10 years is getting married.
some background: my friend lost her father and her two older sisters in a tragic car accident 7 years ago. i was her shoulder to cry on. she became attached to me as a second sister and grew closer to her only living sibling (her brother).
she doesn’t talk much about her relationship, so i was surprised and excited when she showed us her engagement ring. maybe it was presumptuous, but i thought i was going to be her maid of honor. she didn’t bring it up after her engagement announcement, but i didn’t think much of it at the time.
fast forward to yesterday, when our group of friends got together and one brought up a conversation about the wedding. my best friend said that she was planning on formally inviting all of us to be in her wedding party. i asked her who was going to be her maid of honor (thinking it was going to be me), but she said she was going to choose her brother (29m) instead.
i blew up. i told her it was ridiculous that she was going to choose her brother to be her “man of honor.” she looked confused and upset, reminding me of how much her brother means to her. i reminded her that i’m her best friend and that she’s taking this opportunity from me. she started to cry and apologized, but said that her mind was made up and that her brother deserved that role. i was upset to and told her i wouldn’t be attending her wedding and that i couldn’t believe my best friend would betray me like that.
our friends think i’m being dramatic, but i’m really pissed off. aita?
| 7,214 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtflwp/aita_for_pulling_out_of_my_best_friends_wedding/
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2022-08-20 19:40:36
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yta and insanely dramatic and honestly preposterous. you’re actually doing her a favor by not going to the wedding at this point.
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of course yta
go to the wedding and be an adult.
it's not like she chose some random coworker or something. she chose her only remaining sibling.
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yta she lost her whole family, let her have her day, no wonder she’s so upset
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yta a self centered asshole
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yta. you’re childish and rude. the fact you even think you’re in the right is mind blowing.
you’re doing her a favour by not being there.
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yta - big time. and i think you need to take some time to sit and reflect on what you said.
your "best friend" wants to include her only living relative in her wedding - this is the only way to properly do it.
she deserves more. you're in her wedding - as a bridesmaid which should be a honour. but you're mad she took away a title you gave yourself.
never assume... you know the saying.
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yta
i can't believe your atrocious behavior! are you for real? if i were the bride-to-be, i'd drop you like a burning hot potato. you are so ta!! get over yourself, this isn't about you. it's her wedding.
edit
you said you're "heartbroken" in your 1st edit??? you?? boo fucking hoo!! what about her after what you said to her???
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yta
yikes, op. at first you were just presumptuous. but when you blew up at her, you went straight to terrible.
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yta. you’re clearly not her best friend, because a true best friend wouldn’t have acted the way you did. she doesn’t get to have her father walk her down the aisle, she doesn’t have her sisters there to pick out dresses, or their children to act as flower children, so she’s taking that one honor and giving it to her brother to recognize all of them.
you could not have reacted more poorly.
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info: you think you are entitled to the maid of honor role, and treat this as a major breach of trust. you didn't give an adequate reason for any of that, so what is the reason?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (27f) best friend (25f) of 10 years is getting married. some background: my friend lost her father and her two older sisters in a tragic car accident 7 years ago. i was her shoulder to cry on. she became attached to me as a second sister and grew closer to her only living sibling (her brother). she doesn’t talk much about her relationship, so i was surprised and excited when she showed us her engagement ring. maybe it was presumptuous, but i thought i was going to be her maid of honor. she didn’t bring it up after her engagement announcement, but i didn’t think much of it at the time. fast forward to yesterday, when our group of friends got together and one brought up a conversation about the wedding. my best friend said that she was planning on formally inviting all of us to be in her wedding party. i asked her who was going to be her maid of honor (thinking it was going to be me), but she said she was going to choose her brother (29m) instead. i blew up. i told her it was ridiculous that she was going to choose her brother to be her “man of honor.” she looked confused and upset, reminding me of how much her brother means to her. i reminded her that i’m her best friend and that she’s taking this opportunity from me. she started to cry and apologized, but said that her mind was made up and that her brother deserved that role. i was upset to and told her i wouldn’t be attending her wedding and that i couldn’t believe my best friend would betray me like that. our friends think i’m being dramatic, but i’m really pissed off. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (27f) best friend (25f) of 10 years is getting married. some background: my friend lost her father and her two older sisters in a tragic car accident 7 years ago. i was her shoulder to cry on. she became attached to me as a second sister and grew closer to her only living sibling (her brother). she doesn’t talk much about her relationship, so i was surprised and excited when she showed us her engagement ring. maybe it was presumptuous, but i thought i was going to be her maid of honor. she didn’t bring it up after her engagement announcement, but i didn’t think much of it at the time. fast forward to yesterday, when our group of friends got together and one brought up a conversation about the wedding. my best friend said that she was planning on formally inviting all of us to be in her wedding party. i asked her who was going to be her maid of honor (thinking it was going to be me), but she said she was going to choose her brother (29m) instead. i blew up. i told her it was ridiculous that she was going to choose her brother to be her “man of honor.” she looked confused and upset, reminding me of how much her brother means to her. i reminded her that i’m her best friend and that she’s taking this opportunity from me. she started to cry and apologized, but said that her mind was made up and that her brother deserved that role. i was upset to and told her i wouldn’t be attending her wedding and that i couldn’t believe my best friend would betray me like that. our friends think i’m being dramatic, but i’m really pissed off. aita? [/INST] yta and insanely dramatic and honestly preposterous. you’re actually doing her a favor by not going to the wedding at this point. </s>
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AITA for calling my husband delusional for demanding I give him 50% profit of my business that he didn't support?
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my husband m35 is a bank clerk and i f29 have wfh job which i barely bear since i'm an active outdoor person and like doing gardening stuff in particular.
i figured since i have background in gardening i decided to use our spacious backyard to grow flowers and sell them online after arranging and organizing them into bouqets.
when i brought this up with my husband he said this was the worst idea ever, adding this would be major waste of time and money and suggested i look for a 2nd job.
i didn't listen and started my business little by little. in a matter of 18 months it started bringing decent money and i gained customers.
my husband offered to look at how much i was able to make in the past months and was impressed.
the other day he was standing with his drink while i was checking my flowers. he talked about what a good job i was doing keeping "our" business "flowing". i corrected him about it being our business and reminded him about how little faith he had in my potential to make decent money out of growing, selling cut flowers. he was like "well...i didn't honestly think your little gardening hobby was going to get anywhere but now that business is "flourishing" i want my fair share of profit and won't settle for less than 50%"
i was puzzled i asked why he thought he should get any share of profit let alone 50%. his answer was that i was using his soil to grow my flowers on.
i said this is our house/our soil not just his since we're married and both our names are on the title. he was like "actually i owned this house long before you came along so it's technically mine!" i replied that he must be aware it'll be split in half in case of seperation. he laughed and joked about how silly i was for "hinting" seperation just because he was asking for something that he so richly deserves which is 50% of the profit. i said no and that he was delusional to ask cause even his soil alone doesn't magically grow my flowers there's a lot of work to it from picking, buying seeds, taking time, effort to care for them. collecting, triming, and selling them while all he does is sit back.
i said it didn't matter to him when i started using "his soil" why now? he said it always matters when money is involved!. we had an argument about it and he apologized but only for approaching the subject rudely but still wants 50%.
he's been silent about it since after stating that he already said what he needed to say and i needed to make the right decision. aita?
to clarify my husband and i both have our own salaries, we contribute equally towards expenses. it's his idea since he had a divorce before. he still has things that he owns alone which isn't bad since money has never been an issue. it's not like he needs money for an emergency or something he just wants 50% of profit going forward.
| 20,466 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pijryw/aita_for_calling_my_husband_delusional_for/
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2021-09-05 19:40:24
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nta and i really hope you're consulting a divorce lawyer. your husband just showed his true colors and the picture isn't pretty at all. leave his sorry ass to rot on "his" soil and plant a new garden somewhere else without an entitled burden.
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nta but you need to visit a lawyer asap to get your business registered in just your name and to look into a post-nup. you need to protect yourself here!
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nta your husband is. is he giving you 50% of his wages??
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this is insane and a huge red flag. i think that idea of separation should be considered seriously. first protect your business by filing for an llc if you haven’t already. then take the house and the land and make him buy you out.
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that's rather laughable. i have to agree, what a doofus. does he not already benefit from your success due to the added income to your household? nta
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nta. lol he “offered” to look at how much you were making.
there are major red flags in your post. you need to speak to a solicitor asap.
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nta
your husband doesn’t deserve any % of this... i don’t even think your husband even deserves you.
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nta. this guy has seriously been thinking it's his house and you just, what, live there by his largesse? you owe him half of everything you make from a venture he mocked, because the soil is *really* his? and now he's keeping quiet waiting for you to do "the right thing", meaning what he wants.
you have a poor partner there, op.
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“he said it always matters when money is involved!”
nta also huge red flag and i do see a separation in the future. money usually is the cause of divorce. all that man cares about is the money you’re making. and he thought it would be a good idea to imply that house is not yours? how greedy.
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nta go through your books, figure out how much you’ve put towards your business so far this year, then pay yourself a good hourly rate and… oh no! looks like there’s only $2 profit this year 🤷🏻♀️
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband m35 is a bank clerk and i f29 have wfh job which i barely bear since i'm an active outdoor person and like doing gardening stuff in particular. i figured since i have background in gardening i decided to use our spacious backyard to grow flowers and sell them online after arranging and organizing them into bouqets. when i brought this up with my husband he said this was the worst idea ever, adding this would be major waste of time and money and suggested i look for a 2nd job. i didn't listen and started my business little by little. in a matter of 18 months it started bringing decent money and i gained customers. my husband offered to look at how much i was able to make in the past months and was impressed. the other day he was standing with his drink while i was checking my flowers. he talked about what a good job i was doing keeping "our" business "flowing". i corrected him about it being our business and reminded him about how little faith he had in my potential to make decent money out of growing, selling cut flowers. he was like "well...i didn't honestly think your little gardening hobby was going to get anywhere but now that business is "flourishing" i want my fair share of profit and won't settle for less than 50%" i was puzzled i asked why he thought he should get any share of profit let alone 50%. his answer was that i was using his soil to grow my flowers on. i said this is our house/our soil not just his since we're married and both our names are on the title. he was like "actually i owned this house long before you came along so it's technically mine!" i replied that he must be aware it'll be split in half in case of seperation. he laughed and joked about how silly i was for "hinting" seperation just because he was asking for something that he so richly deserves which is 50% of the profit. i said no and that he was delusional to ask cause even his soil alone doesn't magically grow my flowers there's a lot of work to it from picking, buying seeds, taking time, effort to care for them. collecting, triming, and selling them while all he does is sit back. i said it didn't matter to him when i started using "his soil" why now? he said it always matters when money is involved!. we had an argument about it and he apologized but only for approaching the subject rudely but still wants 50%. he's been silent about it since after stating that he already said what he needed to say and i needed to make the right decision. aita? to clarify my husband and i both have our own salaries, we contribute equally towards expenses. it's his idea since he had a divorce before. he still has things that he owns alone which isn't bad since money has never been an issue. it's not like he needs money for an emergency or something he just wants 50% of profit going forward.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband m35 is a bank clerk and i f29 have wfh job which i barely bear since i'm an active outdoor person and like doing gardening stuff in particular. i figured since i have background in gardening i decided to use our spacious backyard to grow flowers and sell them online after arranging and organizing them into bouqets. when i brought this up with my husband he said this was the worst idea ever, adding this would be major waste of time and money and suggested i look for a 2nd job. i didn't listen and started my business little by little. in a matter of 18 months it started bringing decent money and i gained customers. my husband offered to look at how much i was able to make in the past months and was impressed. the other day he was standing with his drink while i was checking my flowers. he talked about what a good job i was doing keeping "our" business "flowing". i corrected him about it being our business and reminded him about how little faith he had in my potential to make decent money out of growing, selling cut flowers. he was like "well...i didn't honestly think your little gardening hobby was going to get anywhere but now that business is "flourishing" i want my fair share of profit and won't settle for less than 50%" i was puzzled i asked why he thought he should get any share of profit let alone 50%. his answer was that i was using his soil to grow my flowers on. i said this is our house/our soil not just his since we're married and both our names are on the title. he was like "actually i owned this house long before you came along so it's technically mine!" i replied that he must be aware it'll be split in half in case of seperation. he laughed and joked about how silly i was for "hinting" seperation just because he was asking for something that he so richly deserves which is 50% of the profit. i said no and that he was delusional to ask cause even his soil alone doesn't magically grow my flowers there's a lot of work to it from picking, buying seeds, taking time, effort to care for them. collecting, triming, and selling them while all he does is sit back. i said it didn't matter to him when i started using "his soil" why now? he said it always matters when money is involved!. we had an argument about it and he apologized but only for approaching the subject rudely but still wants 50%. he's been silent about it since after stating that he already said what he needed to say and i needed to make the right decision. aita? to clarify my husband and i both have our own salaries, we contribute equally towards expenses. it's his idea since he had a divorce before. he still has things that he owns alone which isn't bad since money has never been an issue. it's not like he needs money for an emergency or something he just wants 50% of profit going forward. [/INST] nta and i really hope you're consulting a divorce lawyer. your husband just showed his true colors and the picture isn't pretty at all. leave his sorry ass to rot on "his" soil and plant a new garden somewhere else without an entitled burden. </s>
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AITA for spraying the neighborhood kids with my garden hose?
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i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank.
lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants.
i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard.
i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.
| 30,008 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5eeb5/aita_for_spraying_the_neighborhood_kids_with_my/
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2019-06-25 20:10:13
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nta, but you should probably get some security cameras, those kids are definitely going to start fucking with you and your plants deliberately. best to buy a cage with a lock if you can to put over your plants.
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nta. your strawberries, not theirs.
&#x200b;
also
>i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.
op you are one bad bitch. slay!
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nta but i'd argue that you should talk to a lawyer just to be safe, that parent may end up going through with those threats. many lawyers have free consultations. there have been instances where spraying someone with water has been considered assault, although those instances were not on their own property. regarding the phone, iphone 10's are waterproof, that parent is full of shit.
also put up a chickenwire fence, it'll solve the problem immediately and very cheaply.
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nta - it’s *such* a bummer your hose got away from you like that. it’s a shame that their waterproof phone was ruined by a slight mishap. i’d give them all the number to the apple warranty line and recommend a better phone.
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nta.
i’m a parent and i would volunteer you to spray my son with a hose if i caught him stealing.
get some wyze cameras, record those pitas in the act, and prosecute them.
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nta - you were simply watering your strawberries when hooligans ran under the water ;)
after trespassing no less. get some cameras and cops involved next time
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nta, \*\*\*but\*\*\*
it's 2019, and society is weirdly litigious. it's always safer to refrain from directly intervening, because parents might decide to sue for assault (yeah, really), or try to take you to small claims court for the cost of the ruined phone. it sucks, because if the children were trespassing, there's no way it you could really be held liable, but it's more of a headache than you need.
nevertheless, the deed is done, and i wouldn't let it weigh on your conscience too much. i \*would\* contact the police and let them know about the trespassing and vandalism (because that's what they did). if you have what you believe to be a legal beef, it's best to get a paper trail started as early as humanly possible.
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nta
send them a bill for your plant + time if you can't enjoy them.
you are their private gardener for free at the moment ...
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nta. you should absolutely call the cops though. that's trespassing and theft and their parents are responsible.
you're now the grumpy grandpa of the neighborhood though.
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nta
it was a classic get of my lawn moment, and you did what had to be done. the parents dont seem like people who would care unless there are consequences, so i doubt they would do anything if you didnt spray their kids with water.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank. lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i love strawberries. i love them so much that i planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. after i harvest, i make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. i donate the leftovers to my local food bank. lately i've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. the last time i caught them i threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. i caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police i grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. i just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. one parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iphone 10 was ruined with water. i told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. then i threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property. [/INST] nta, but you should probably get some security cameras, those kids are definitely going to start fucking with you and your plants deliberately. best to buy a cage with a lock if you can to put over your plants. </s>
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AITA for sharing pictures of my bathroom after my new neighbor urinated all over my bathroom (my drywall, toilet, and trashcan)? They say they now don't feel welcome in the neighborhood.
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my wife and i wanted to welcome in our two new neighbors that moved in for privacy we will call them blake and jeff. we had an outdoor bbq and had some drinks. things were going well, we were all having a good time. jeff and i are both into bmw's so we had a lot in common.
&#x200b;
blake ask's if he can use the bathroom and i am like sure. he goes comes back everything's normal, and then 10 minutes later they say they have to leave. i think about an hour later i hear my wife scream, i go check the bathroom and someone urinated everywhere, the seat was dirty, the dry wall was dirty, our carpets were wet. i get people miss but this was deliberate, and there was no attempt at all to clean the mess. the only person that went into that bathroom was blake.
&#x200b;
honestly i don't know what happened, but the only time i could imagine that would upset them was when my wife said her brother was a cop and that he was scared of doing his job. but that's it! like our conversation was 100% pc nothing controversial at all.
&#x200b;
my wife talked to sally and told them what happened with our neighbor. sally didn't believe it, so my wife sent sally the picture and then it got shared by everyone in the neighborhood. blake and jeff didn't even deny it, jeff messaged me that just because we had a conflict doesn't mean i need to go tell the entire neighborhood. they said that as lgbt they face enough discrimination and now don't feel welcome in this neighborhood because we needed to snitch. like wtf. we had no problem with them, we wanted them to feel welcome so we invited them over in the first place. and then they pee all over our bathroom.
&#x200b;
i don't even get it, like wtf. we never had any beef or problem with them and they do this. i am just confused. when we tried to respond to their text it shows never delivered so it looks like they might have blocked us? i don't know. i don't see myself as an asshole for sharing with neighbors because how in any world is that okay behavior?
| 20,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hutiqh/aita_for_sharing_pictures_of_my_bathroom_after_my/
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2020-07-20 20:53:16
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nta. tf does peeing on your walls have to do with being lgbtq other than the fact that blake can't even pee straight.
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nta
if you piss all over someone's bathroom you reap what you sow. it wasn't because they were lgbt+, it was because they were animals who mictirated all over the bathroom instead of having a discussion like a normal human being.
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what? lgbt isn't a free pass on literally pissing on other people's stuff. nta.
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nta, what on god's (other deities are available) green earth did they think was going to happen? they went to their brand new neighbours and based on some spurious reason blake decided to golden shower their bathroom? and then they are shocked that op shared this info... in the neighbourhood that they have lived for some time whilst b and j are new occupants?! and then they play the homophobe card? because not liking your posessions pissed all over has something to do with sexuality?! there are not enough incredulous punctuation marks for this post. definitely nta, i hope you got a discount on mr muscle.
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uhhh... of course they feel unwelcome. they are unwelcome. who would welcome someone who is likely to piss all over your place?
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[removed]
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[removed]
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nta
minorities can be assholes too.
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this sounds just so, so fake.
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why the fuck were you having a bbq with strangers when there’s a literal pandemic going on?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i wanted to welcome in our two new neighbors that moved in for privacy we will call them blake and jeff. we had an outdoor bbq and had some drinks. things were going well, we were all having a good time. jeff and i are both into bmw's so we had a lot in common. &#x200b; blake ask's if he can use the bathroom and i am like sure. he goes comes back everything's normal, and then 10 minutes later they say they have to leave. i think about an hour later i hear my wife scream, i go check the bathroom and someone urinated everywhere, the seat was dirty, the dry wall was dirty, our carpets were wet. i get people miss but this was deliberate, and there was no attempt at all to clean the mess. the only person that went into that bathroom was blake. &#x200b; honestly i don't know what happened, but the only time i could imagine that would upset them was when my wife said her brother was a cop and that he was scared of doing his job. but that's it! like our conversation was 100% pc nothing controversial at all. &#x200b; my wife talked to sally and told them what happened with our neighbor. sally didn't believe it, so my wife sent sally the picture and then it got shared by everyone in the neighborhood. blake and jeff didn't even deny it, jeff messaged me that just because we had a conflict doesn't mean i need to go tell the entire neighborhood. they said that as lgbt they face enough discrimination and now don't feel welcome in this neighborhood because we needed to snitch. like wtf. we had no problem with them, we wanted them to feel welcome so we invited them over in the first place. and then they pee all over our bathroom. &#x200b; i don't even get it, like wtf. we never had any beef or problem with them and they do this. i am just confused. when we tried to respond to their text it shows never delivered so it looks like they might have blocked us? i don't know. i don't see myself as an asshole for sharing with neighbors because how in any world is that okay behavior?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i wanted to welcome in our two new neighbors that moved in for privacy we will call them blake and jeff. we had an outdoor bbq and had some drinks. things were going well, we were all having a good time. jeff and i are both into bmw's so we had a lot in common. &#x200b; blake ask's if he can use the bathroom and i am like sure. he goes comes back everything's normal, and then 10 minutes later they say they have to leave. i think about an hour later i hear my wife scream, i go check the bathroom and someone urinated everywhere, the seat was dirty, the dry wall was dirty, our carpets were wet. i get people miss but this was deliberate, and there was no attempt at all to clean the mess. the only person that went into that bathroom was blake. &#x200b; honestly i don't know what happened, but the only time i could imagine that would upset them was when my wife said her brother was a cop and that he was scared of doing his job. but that's it! like our conversation was 100% pc nothing controversial at all. &#x200b; my wife talked to sally and told them what happened with our neighbor. sally didn't believe it, so my wife sent sally the picture and then it got shared by everyone in the neighborhood. blake and jeff didn't even deny it, jeff messaged me that just because we had a conflict doesn't mean i need to go tell the entire neighborhood. they said that as lgbt they face enough discrimination and now don't feel welcome in this neighborhood because we needed to snitch. like wtf. we had no problem with them, we wanted them to feel welcome so we invited them over in the first place. and then they pee all over our bathroom. &#x200b; i don't even get it, like wtf. we never had any beef or problem with them and they do this. i am just confused. when we tried to respond to their text it shows never delivered so it looks like they might have blocked us? i don't know. i don't see myself as an asshole for sharing with neighbors because how in any world is that okay behavior? [/INST] nta. tf does peeing on your walls have to do with being lgbtq other than the fact that blake can't even pee straight. </s>
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AITA for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight?
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aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight?
i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to.
i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone.
i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him.
i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.
| 25,078 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxfsmw/aita_for_ignoring_an_autistic_guy_on_my_flight/
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2022-05-25 12:01:14
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nta.
dude was creepy.
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no, you shouldn’t have been nicer to him. you should have been more firm from the start. “i don’t want to talk.” “stop talking to me.” “stop talking or i will call the flight attendants to let them you know you’re harassing me.” now is the time to learn to stand up for yourself. men will get mad about it. too bad for them. nta
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nta - and i feel the need to correct you: he claimed he has autism. many people throw this word around just to avoid taking responsibility for their shitty behavior. taking his statement about him being a "nice guy" into consideration, he probably wanted pity-points to have it easier to flirt and trample over your boundaries with the excuse of having the condition.
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nta: someone with autism who is high functioning enough to fly unaccompanied, is able to understand a social boundary when it is explicitly pointed out to them.
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nta. i’m autistic and honestly the last plane trip some non-autistic guy was doing the same thing to me. except he kept touching me too!!!! literally touching me…. urghhhhh i didn’t think to ask about moving. will do that next time.
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nta, not even close. being neurodivergent doesn’t entitle someone to your time, or your attention, nor does it entitle them to harass you.
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omg what nta nta nta! this sounds like a nightmare combination of being trapped on a plane with someone who is an autistic (possibly difficult to deal with, depending on the situation) incel (straight up scary). “why can’t women understand not all men are bad”?????? holy crap. red flag red flag red flag! i’m soooooo glad you asked to be moved. it would have been nta *before* that part (because autistic or not, you don’t owe anyone more of your time or energy or attention. if you didn’t want to talk, then you didn’t want to talk period end of story. him being autistic does not trump your personal boundaries) but *after* that part? hell no! omg i’m so sorry this happened to you. literally seems like a nightmare.
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he started by telling you he is autistic so he could be excused for bad behavior. being neurodivergent is not an excuse for behaving as he did. when he lost his shit at you, he showed the real reason why he continued to bother you. he made it into a woman hating incel issue with the nice guy comment. his expectation was that you would follow his script.
nta
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nta. autism doesn't justify that. he was creepy regardless. the "nice guy" thing was everything i needed to know. i would have had way less patience.
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nta. you were nice. you asked him politely. he didn't listen. so instead of wasting your breath, you did the next best thing and that was to ignore him. it's not your fault that he had a breakdown.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for ignoring an autistic guy on my flight? i'm a 19f who was traveling alone on an 11 hour flight today, and a guy in his 20s(?) is in the same row as me. i was exhausted because i only got four hours of sleep before the flight so i could sleep on the plane, but this guy (we'll call him c) keeps trying to make conversation. c starts off by telling me he's autistic, and then asking me if i like kpop and he keeps non stop talking and rarely gives me a chance to speak, not that i wanted to. i tried to be polite because i have adhd and i understand how social cues are difficult so he probably can't tell i'm not in the mood. over the course of the next 20 minutes i tell c maybe 5 times i want to sleep and put my headphones on and each time c begins speaking to me after maybe 2 minutes of silence. finally i was able to sleep for around 4 hours, but when i woke up c started up again. i'm still really tired, and i had some personal issues the day before my flight so i'm also socially exhausted, but i let him talk for a bit before i start watching a show on my phone. i tell him maybe 5 seperate times that i'm trying to watch a show, and that i'm not interested in talking to him right now but maybe later. c still keeps trying to talk to me, and when i snap a bit and tell him i'm getting a bit annoyed he goes into a full on self-hating " i'm so sorry, i'm horrible god im just gonna shut up now" rant, and i feel bad because i should have been nicer to him and i can understand emotions being too strong and spiraling. i tell c that it's okay, and i just want some time to myself as i'm not the chattiest person, but maybe later we can talk. i put my headphones on and watched my show, but c kept trying to speak to me but this time i ignored him, which was honestly a shitty move from me but i just didn't have the energy at this point to interact with him. this was the wrong move, as he moved to get out of the row and stood in the aisle and began yelling at me. i didn't catch everything he said but it was along the lines of " why can't women believe not all men are bad. some men are on your side. i'm a nice guy, why are you ignoring me." he storms off to the bathroom and i take that chance to ask a flight attendant if i can change my seat because he really freaked me out and i didn't want to have a panic attack on a plane. the flight attendants were amazing and got my stuff and moved me far away from him. i feel like i'm ta because he does have autism and i could have been more patient maybe and ignoring him was a shit thing to do. [/INST] nta. dude was creepy. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend's mother she raised a fucking sociopath who needs to be in a facility.
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so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour.
i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone.
the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck.
i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left.
i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed.
my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with
"what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated".
i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in?
| 22,776 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hh1cn3/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_mother_she_raised/
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2020-06-27 20:56:51
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yta for blaming a grown adult's mother for his behaviour.
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yta for sending the message cause i’m sure she would’ve maybe understood how angry you were if you came across nicer. but wow i can’t even imagine being in your position, has he done anything like this before?
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esh. your ex is a madman, and yeah, i'm all for dumping his ass and kicking him out of your house. but his ps4 was not yours to give away, and to be honest, while it's possible that the mother did a terrible job raising him, you yelled at her and berated her for stuff her grown-ass adult son did. that's super uncalled for.
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i'm sorry to say this, but yta.
i don't actually think you have done anything wrong in this scenario and would count you as the good guy.
but in the absence of knowing any bad information about his mother, what you said to her was not cool. if he is a genuine sociopath then that is brain wiring, not really how he was raised. you haven't given us any reason to believe his behaviour is down to her
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yta for lashing out at the mom. yes, a child’s actions can reflect on the parent, but something like mental health can happen with or without amazing parenting.
i get that it was in the heat of the moment, but i really hope you apologize to her and talk about your ex’s situation to her a bit more thoroughly after.
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this feels really fake to be honest... it just doesn't seem real that someone would do this. but yes, yta, to put that kind of blame on a mom you don't know. he could just have mental issues and you could be scaring that mom that potentially tried her best to raise him.
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yta
why did you blame her? how do you know she is solely responsible for his behavior? how is she responsible for the behavior of her adult son? mental illness is genetic, that would be her only fault in any of this and you don't even know that it's from her.
i have a child who is a psychopath. like for real. she's adopted however, so my genes have nothing to do with her mental health issues. she was never abused, neglected and knew she was loved. however, when she turned 15,she told me she thought she was a sociopath. (the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is big). i chalked it up to teen drama and that i needed to more carefully monitor what she was doing online. upon checking, i found nothing concerning. her behavior wasn't concerning, she was pleasant, funny, very musically and artistically gifted, had friends, etc. she had been a joy to raise. she's autistic, but very high functioning. most people would say she's 'quirky' with 'a unique outlook'. she has a clinically low iq due to prenatal drug exposure, so she gets by with a lot of behaviors that someone with an average iq wouldn't.
until she wasn't. she started idolizing mass murderers. she began trying to convince me why the ideologies of mao, hitler and stalin were not wrong. why genocide wasn't "necessarily evil" and that eugenics should definitely be making comeback. she began hallucinating that these killers were visiting her, giving her advice. i became very alarmed but, in all of their wisdom, mental health providers do not care about the rantings of a 16 year old girl living in an upper middle class family.
she became very dangerous very quickly and unexpectedly. there were no signs. no one ever suggested they were worried about her behavior. not her teachers, guidance counselors, friends, pediatrician - no one. only that she was funny, talented and kind to others - cared very much about their feelings. no concerns of bullying, drugs or anything else.
one day i came home from work, we teased back & forth about some stinky food she had made for a snack (dill pickle swiss cheese sandwich microwaved. it stunk). we had always had a great relationship. not "best friends" but an actual mother/daughter relationship. we talked all the time about different things, i always told her she "took after me" with her artistic and musical abilities. it was very ordinary. we rarely if ever argued because she was pretty passive and super absorbed in whatever her current obsession was.
we had dinner together, talked about some different things she was doing at school, etc. she seemed happy and calm.
later that evening she abruptly tried to kill me.
out of nowhere. the house was quiet and calm, we don't have any history of family violence or criminal behavior. my husband and i were getting ready for bed. the next thing we knew, the police were in our home and she was admitted to an emergency mental health facility with "homicidal & suicidal ideations".
so yta for assuming a whole lot about someone else then blasting her on the phone about something she had no idea even happened. you actually sound unstable yourself and more than a little creepy giving children who are not related to you candy and expensive toys.
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info: is there any context for her being responsible other than her having raised him? he’s a grown man.
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yta sometimes kids grow up to be wonderful because of the parents who raised them and sometimes they are serial killers. i wouldn’t have assumed it was her fault and now she has reason to say something similar to your mother.
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what the actual fuck is wrong with everyone here? nta nta nta.
why is a grown man's mother contacting you to ask why you dumped him? your reaction was completely justified.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
|
INFO
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.077718 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour. i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone. the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck. i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left. i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed. my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with "what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated". i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. they accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. tbh, i didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. i. was. fucking. mortified. i sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour. i was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was not normal. he kind of brushed me off and i told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone. the next week the ball came into our garden and i was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. i told the kids that i would bring it back in a minute. he went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. his own shit. what the fuck. i asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "take that you bitches". i screamed and girl i mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and i wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. i screamed and screamed and eventually he left. i deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. i was so embarrassed. my ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and i responded with "what happened? what happened? you are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how i hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated". i know i am in the right for what i did to my bf but am i in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in? [/INST] yta for blaming a grown adult's mother for his behaviour. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend he has a small penis?
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i know the title itself makes me sound awful but hear me out. i've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he's small down there, like 4 inches give or take. he constantly asks me if it's big enough, if i can feel it, and i always reassure him and tell him he's fine. i tell him i'm not with him for his penis and he has nothing to worry about.
however the last few days he got increasingly agitated and kept asking me if i was lying, if he's too small, and wouldn't take "you're fine" or "you're average" or "i don't care how big it is" for an answer. i told him to stop pestering me but this went on for a few more days until i snapped and told him he's below average but he has nothing to worry about. obviously he didn't take it well.
i don't lie to him and say it's big, i say he's average, has nothing to worry about, etc.
| 18,323 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b4vc6m/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_has_a_small_penis/
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2019-03-24 11:24:19
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nta. dude is picking fights
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nta, he should've laid off after first 2 times. dude got serious insecurity issues
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nah. it sounds like he knows it is below average size but that awareness is causing him to self-sabotage. you've done your best to make him feel comfortable and confident. i recommend just continuing to be honest with him. give him a "look, you are relatively small when compared with your peers. that is a statistical mother-fucking fact. but get over yourself, because i'm here with you despite that. you are a wonderful person who cares about my pleasure and that's enough for me. if it is not enough for you then go out and find what you are looking for. this dude on reddit named macchaexplosion has offered to forward you an advertisement from his spam folder that will make you larger down there if that is what you so desire. ball's in your court, baby."
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nta buuut, he may just be doing a straight up measurement of his penis. it’s a little more complicated than that.
according to randy marsh in south park, there’s actually an adjusted penis size formula he can plug his dimensions into to get his tmi.
it’s done like so: to calculate your adjusted penis size (or tmi), use the following formula:
((l*d)+(w/g))/(a^2)
length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared
for instance, randy marsh has a penis that is 4.4 inches in length. its angle is 32 degrees. it's flaccid girth is 1 inch in diameter. his balls are 7 cm from the base. randy notes that the drift of his penis is 4 cm to penis right and its dead weight is 4.5 kg. therefore, randy's adjusted penis size is 6.3 inches. which is above average.
your bf could actually be looking at 5.5+ which is very respectable.
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nta. sounds like you were truthful. the truth sometimes hurts. he can’t help it, and you know that. you like the guy for other reasons and you’ve told him it doesn’t matter, that it’s fine and he has nothing to worry about. if he worries about it, it’s on him. but try to be understanding about his insecurities, because that is a truly troubling subject to a lot of men.
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nta
don't be surprised when you ask the same question 30 times looking for a specific answer, when you finally get that answer.
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nta. he sounds super insecure. tell him that you have no reason to lie to him and that he’s being ridiculous. also, he kept asking so he can’t be offended that you told him he had a small dick.
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nta.
the only guy i dated that had a small penis did this all the fucking time. he annoyed me for 7 months (is your bf named keith? lol) and would cry all the time too because he 'knew' i was lying and that he 'knew' i was gonna cheat on him with a guy who had a big dick. it honestly got to the point where he would start doing weird shit with his dick, such as pushing it inside itself and made it look like a button (somehow he thought this would help his self esteem).
just end it. he's never gonna let you be content with it.
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nta he kept pressuring you, he's the asshole here. he knows it's small, you know it's small, he just wanted to hear the truth and now wants to play victim.
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nta
you are not responsible for his insecurities. he will have to learn to live with and accept his penis.
there is nothing to be gained by you lying to him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title itself makes me sound awful but hear me out. i've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he's small down there, like 4 inches give or take. he constantly asks me if it's big enough, if i can feel it, and i always reassure him and tell him he's fine. i tell him i'm not with him for his penis and he has nothing to worry about. however the last few days he got increasingly agitated and kept asking me if i was lying, if he's too small, and wouldn't take "you're fine" or "you're average" or "i don't care how big it is" for an answer. i told him to stop pestering me but this went on for a few more days until i snapped and told him he's below average but he has nothing to worry about. obviously he didn't take it well. i don't lie to him and say it's big, i say he's average, has nothing to worry about, etc.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title itself makes me sound awful but hear me out. i've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he's small down there, like 4 inches give or take. he constantly asks me if it's big enough, if i can feel it, and i always reassure him and tell him he's fine. i tell him i'm not with him for his penis and he has nothing to worry about. however the last few days he got increasingly agitated and kept asking me if i was lying, if he's too small, and wouldn't take "you're fine" or "you're average" or "i don't care how big it is" for an answer. i told him to stop pestering me but this went on for a few more days until i snapped and told him he's below average but he has nothing to worry about. obviously he didn't take it well. i don't lie to him and say it's big, i say he's average, has nothing to worry about, etc. [/INST] nta. dude is picking fights </s>
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AITA for trying to alter the dress code at my in laws Christmas and saying I would show up in sweats?
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i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner.
i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway.
this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom.
mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers.
my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back"
| 8,931 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkpmo5/aita_for_trying_to_alter_the_dress_code_at_my_in/
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2021-12-20 15:21:18
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yta kinda. it's her house, her family's tradition, and you should respect it. especially when it's just a dress code and not something going deeply against your religion and core values.
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yta, it’s not uncommon for families to make a bit of an effort appearance-wise for christmas dinner. also i don’t know why you’re surprised your mil thinks you went behind her back when that’s exactly what you did
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yta wtf. how would you feel if your husband crashed into your family and tried to change how they did christmas, and went so far as to speak to your brothers about it behind everyone’s backs and try to form an alliance against your parents?
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yta. it seems as though you are looking for drama with your mil.
* you state she doesn't like you, but actually you just don't *think* she does
* don't want to take her word about the love she has for her grandchildren. is that true or do you just an expectation of how you want her to act with them that is not being met?
* the fact that you talked about her to others, one of which straight-up told you that you're ruining christmas and the other not wanting drama, makes you come across as bratty/whiny
* she is putting the effort into a nice party for everyone - and everyone seems into the opportunity to have a chance to dress up and celebrate.
but you do you, wear the sweats.
make your point.
ruin the relationship.
and the party with your drama.
embarrass your husband.
it'll be so worth it. merry christmas.
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yta. you can dress in nice (and comfy!) clothing without taking part in whatever weird little competition you're convinced is going on. if you're that bothered by the mere idea of dressing up even a little, just stay home.
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yta. it's her house, gossiping is tacky and this is a really dumb hill to die on.
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yta
dressing nicely 1x every other year is stressing you out for months, so you want to wear sweatpants just to make a statement?
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yta. she's hosting, she gets to set the dress code. tbh, based on this it sounds like she's justified in disliking you, as you can't just politely show up and participate in family traditions but feel the need to whine and insult her and start drama. you called her holiday event a 'sad beauty pageant'-- you should be grateful you're still invited. grow up.
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yta if mil has a dress code for a party and you don't adhere to it. you can always decline the invitation and do your own thing.
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yta. seriously, purposefully showing up to an event, where people ask their guests to dress formally, in sweats simply is tacky, even if its hosted by family. you should respect their christmas tradition, especially if that tradition has been around longer than you. when you host something in your house, you can ask your guests to wear sweats/informal clothes. but by doing this, you will just embarrass yourself.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner. i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway. this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom. mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers. my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back"
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a bit of a complicated relationship with my husband's family. mil claims she likes me but i don't think she does. she also claims she loves and adores her grandchildren, but will do pretty much anything to avoid spending time with them. as a result the relationship is pretty strained and we only see her for holidays and the occasional family dinner. i don't really like doing holidays at mils house because it is so formal. everyone dresses super nice, hair and makeup is perfect. mil pretty much lives for this stuff. despite the annoying dress code my husband gets to see his siblings, my kids get to see their cousins, and mil mostly ignores us anyway. this year is our year to spend christmas with the in laws and i have been getting annoyed about the clothing aspect for months. it just seems so silly to me and almost like a weird competition between the women in the family. i broached the topic to mil and she said holidays are supposed to be special and my generation is so lazy. that annoyed me, so i talked to some of the younger women who also have small kids. one sil said i was ruining christmas. one kind of agreed but said it wasn't worth the fight with her mom. mil called me recently and demanded to know why i was talking behind her back to her guests. i explained i was just trying to see how people felt about it, because to me the formal attire is just another layer of stress and it is spiraling into some sad beauty pageant (i've heard mil make comments about she has to look perfect because so and so is coming) mil said it was tacky of me to ask around and i need to stop trying to change their family and i'm so rude and entitled for thinking i get to make changes when i just married in. this pissed me off and i said she can wear whatever, but i will be coming in sweats and my kids will be in play clothes. mil actually laughed and said that would be my problem, not hers. my husband says if i do it i will embarrass him, though i'm seriously thinking of doing it and mil is still pissy that i talked to her guests "behind her back" [/INST] yta kinda. it's her house, her family's tradition, and you should respect it. especially when it's just a dress code and not something going deeply against your religion and core values. </s>
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AITA - Mad at my wife for throwing away pendant from previous marriage
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i’m really upset with my wife after what she’s done, but everyone of our friends/family thinks she is right to do what she did. so i’m posting here to get an unbiased perspective.
i’ve been married to my current wife for three years. we dated for 2 years before getting married. before meeting my current wife i had been married to my “high school sweetheart” for well over a decade.
my late wife passed away very young from breast cancer. it was an extremely traumatic experience for me, and i didn’t start dating again for several years after the fact. i never had any real relationships before her (parents were both physically abusive, siblings absent) so it was especially hard on me.
i’ve always had a momento from my previous marriage. it was a greenstone/pounamu toki pendant. she gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary. before meeting my current wife i would wear it almost 24/7, going through several strings.
when i met my current wife she wasn’t comfortable with me wearing it since it was from my late wife. so i started wearing it less often but made it clear to her it’s an extremely important item to me. for a time she accepted that until recently.
over the past few months whenever we had a minor disagreement, she’d bring up my pendant and then turn it into a shouting match demanding i get rid of it. i can understand why she might feel uncomfortable with me having it, but i had stopped wearing it at this point, it stays in my draw 24/7... why can’t she accept it’s very important to me?
long story short, when i was at work last week she grabbed the pendant and threw it in a nearby river. when i found out i broke down because it was literally the last thing i had to remember my late wife.
i don’t know. maybe i am not respecting her feelings and holding on to the past. aita?
| 20,759 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bm4cr7/aita_mad_at_my_wife_for_throwing_away_pendant/
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2019-05-08 11:57:52
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nta
if it was me, she'd be swimming for it as we speak. but that's just me.
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nta sounds like you need a new ex wife
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nta
we all have a past, and your late wife played an important part in yours.
and you only had a pendant in your drawer to remember her, you even stopped wearing that pendant because it bothered your current wife.
and while i get that she might feel uncomfortable, she massively overstepped here.
she fucked up big time, and definitely is the asshole in this situation.
but maybe it would be worth asking her why she feels so threatened by your late wife that she goes to such lengths?
that is, if you can forgive her.
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nta. if i were you, i'd be furious! that was so extraordinarily disrespectful and selfish of your current wife. she's either deliberately trying to hurt you as much as possible or she's got serious issues (competing with a dead woman). i'm so sorry.
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nta. your wife doesn't seem to understand the difference between marrying a widow(er) and marrying someone with an ex. it's normal to still feel sentimental about someone you loved who died, and your wife should respect that. it's not like you were forcing her to sit through a weekly slideshow of your best memories with your former wife, you were just quietly remembering someone you loved. what she did was extremely disrespectful of your feelings, and you are not overreacting.
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my dear friend died when he had only been married for four months. his widow was heartbroken. years later, she remarried and had a baby. the baby’s middle name is my friend’s name. her new husband honors her grief and her love for her first husband.
what you wife did was terribly hurtful.
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nta. she wants to erase your past. this is such pathological controlling behavior.
but is there something you’re not telling? because honestly, if what you’ve told is the whole story, then not only is your wife an asshole, but so are all your friends and family for saying you’re in the wrong here.
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nta
christ man, you downgraded from a highschool sweet heart to a woman that likes to mentally torture you... christ
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nta. never in a million years. she is a massive ah.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m really upset with my wife after what she’s done, but everyone of our friends/family thinks she is right to do what she did. so i’m posting here to get an unbiased perspective. i’ve been married to my current wife for three years. we dated for 2 years before getting married. before meeting my current wife i had been married to my “high school sweetheart” for well over a decade. my late wife passed away very young from breast cancer. it was an extremely traumatic experience for me, and i didn’t start dating again for several years after the fact. i never had any real relationships before her (parents were both physically abusive, siblings absent) so it was especially hard on me. i’ve always had a momento from my previous marriage. it was a greenstone/pounamu toki pendant. she gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary. before meeting my current wife i would wear it almost 24/7, going through several strings. when i met my current wife she wasn’t comfortable with me wearing it since it was from my late wife. so i started wearing it less often but made it clear to her it’s an extremely important item to me. for a time she accepted that until recently. over the past few months whenever we had a minor disagreement, she’d bring up my pendant and then turn it into a shouting match demanding i get rid of it. i can understand why she might feel uncomfortable with me having it, but i had stopped wearing it at this point, it stays in my draw 24/7... why can’t she accept it’s very important to me? long story short, when i was at work last week she grabbed the pendant and threw it in a nearby river. when i found out i broke down because it was literally the last thing i had to remember my late wife. i don’t know. maybe i am not respecting her feelings and holding on to the past. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m really upset with my wife after what she’s done, but everyone of our friends/family thinks she is right to do what she did. so i’m posting here to get an unbiased perspective. i’ve been married to my current wife for three years. we dated for 2 years before getting married. before meeting my current wife i had been married to my “high school sweetheart” for well over a decade. my late wife passed away very young from breast cancer. it was an extremely traumatic experience for me, and i didn’t start dating again for several years after the fact. i never had any real relationships before her (parents were both physically abusive, siblings absent) so it was especially hard on me. i’ve always had a momento from my previous marriage. it was a greenstone/pounamu toki pendant. she gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary. before meeting my current wife i would wear it almost 24/7, going through several strings. when i met my current wife she wasn’t comfortable with me wearing it since it was from my late wife. so i started wearing it less often but made it clear to her it’s an extremely important item to me. for a time she accepted that until recently. over the past few months whenever we had a minor disagreement, she’d bring up my pendant and then turn it into a shouting match demanding i get rid of it. i can understand why she might feel uncomfortable with me having it, but i had stopped wearing it at this point, it stays in my draw 24/7... why can’t she accept it’s very important to me? long story short, when i was at work last week she grabbed the pendant and threw it in a nearby river. when i found out i broke down because it was literally the last thing i had to remember my late wife. i don’t know. maybe i am not respecting her feelings and holding on to the past. aita? [/INST] nta if it was me, she'd be swimming for it as we speak. but that's just me. </s>
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AITA for wanting my girlfriend and my brother to take turns on the bed while they're staying with me?
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basically my little brother [19m] is going to be staying with me [25m] and my girlfriend [24f] for a little while.
we have one bed that's pretty big and comfy and a shitty pull-out in the living room that no one wants to sleep in.
i said to be fair she and him should take turns on the pull-out every other night, and the other one can sleep in the bed with me.
my girlfriend doesn't like this idea and says since she actually lives here she shouldn't have to sleep on the pull-out when my brother is just a guest, but since it's my house i think it's perfectly fair of me to decide on the sleeping arrangements.
| 9,137 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/plg2nq/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_and_my_brother_to/
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2021-09-10 07:09:46
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yta she lives there too. your a complete ah for even suggesting she shouldn’t get to sleep in what is her bed! hope she breaks up with you
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yta
on so many levels.
1) i noticed that you have not offered any discomfort for yourself
2) i can't even get my head around you're thinking that it might be okay to put your girlfriend out of her own bed
3) that your brother would be okay with this arrangement kind of makes me think that there's something seriously wrong with the parenting that went into raising you two
4) if my so ran this past me i would pretty much be out looking for a new place to live. that day.
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# yta
notice you will be comfortable every night...so your girlfriend has to make sacrifices for your brother but you will not be making any. simple solution buy a cheap blow up then you brother doesn't need to share a bed with anyone
it may be your house but it is her home, does she pay rent or make financial contributions to your joint life?....or are we letting landlords make decisions about sleeping arrangements now. you had better work this out or she may decide to go and find a "home" of her own.
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[removed]
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yta and a massive one. your girlfriend ought to rethink the relationship if she's being treated like that. i've never come across someone who would share their bed with their sibling rather than their girlfriend
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info: why on earth would you propose this
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lol - i thought there would be some mitigating circumstances to that title, but nope! yta!
4 real, just because you pay the bills, doesn't mean you can treat your gf as a second class citizen. if you weren't ready to give her a safe space to live, you shouldn't have let her move in with you.
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yta, you should not be kicking your girlfriend who lives with you out of the bed the two of you share.
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yta and if i was your girlfriend you would probably be an ex now.
anyway, if your brother is staying for a while buy a better sofa bed or a good inflatable mattress.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically my little brother [19m] is going to be staying with me [25m] and my girlfriend [24f] for a little while. we have one bed that's pretty big and comfy and a shitty pull-out in the living room that no one wants to sleep in. i said to be fair she and him should take turns on the pull-out every other night, and the other one can sleep in the bed with me. my girlfriend doesn't like this idea and says since she actually lives here she shouldn't have to sleep on the pull-out when my brother is just a guest, but since it's my house i think it's perfectly fair of me to decide on the sleeping arrangements.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically my little brother [19m] is going to be staying with me [25m] and my girlfriend [24f] for a little while. we have one bed that's pretty big and comfy and a shitty pull-out in the living room that no one wants to sleep in. i said to be fair she and him should take turns on the pull-out every other night, and the other one can sleep in the bed with me. my girlfriend doesn't like this idea and says since she actually lives here she shouldn't have to sleep on the pull-out when my brother is just a guest, but since it's my house i think it's perfectly fair of me to decide on the sleeping arrangements. [/INST] yta she lives there too. your a complete ah for even suggesting she shouldn’t get to sleep in what is her bed! hope she breaks up with you </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my future husband lie about the house he and I purchased during his 'groom speech'?
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my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on.
my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on.
he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on?
[edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
| 25,589 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vdjwom/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_future_husband_lie/
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2022-06-16 11:34:09
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nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already
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>i reminded him of how much i contributed buy said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did.
am i reading this sentence correctly, he is saying it shouldn't matter to you if you both bought it? but it's ok for it to matter to him so much that he's going to announce it to both your families and your wider social circle at the wedding? whoo, the hypocrisy...
imo this is a hill worth dying on. yes, on the surface level it's "just" words in a speech. but the deeper issue is that he does not value your massive contribution to your shared life, and he wants to paint a false picture to your shared friends and family denying it. he's basically setting you up to be painted as a gold digger when *he's* the one benefitting from your scrimping and saving. i have a hard time believing this is the only instance of this level of disrespect in your relationship; and if you ever have kids, i'm certain you can look forward to him moaning to all your friends and family that he does sooooooo muuuuuuuuch woooooooork as a father (read: changed 1 diaper) while you actually shoulder the majority of childcare. if you don't have kids, i imagine it will be something else like that.
i really hope i'm wrong and this is just temporary brain worms on his part. but either way, nta
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girl i hope you have a prenup written up for the love of god 🤨
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this is actually a pretty big deal.
1. he wants you to go along with a lie that makes him look good at your expense.
2. it’s a permanent lie - unless he plans to fess up after the wedding which i doubt.
3. it’s a lie that misrepresents the balance of your relationship. instead of partners he wants to be seen as the “head.” is he prepared to take on the responsibility of that position and let you spend all of your money on you while he shoulders the financial responsibility for the household? or does he want you to continue to bankroll 70% while he gets credit for 100%?
4. it reveals an ugliness in how he thinks of you and wants to present the two of you as a couple. he should be proud to have a wife who earns and saves and sacrifices for your future together. instead he wants to claim your accomplishment as his own and expects you to accept whatever impact this has on how friends and family view you - all to “boost his confidence.”
5. he is lying to you. it’s not about a confidence boost. it’s about him declaring his status as the head of the house and the breadwinner and doing so by belittling your contributions.
6. his response tells you clearly that he is lying. he calls it a small thing, one little favor, but he goes ballistic when you say no.
7. and seriously, the silent treatment? just, no.
consider your next steps carefully. nta.
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don’t cave in, let him run the silent treatment. also rethink about marrying this guy, he’s behaving like a child.
nta
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nta. but i’d think twice about marrying someone who wants to lie to your friends and family for the “confidence boost” and reacts by sulking, lashing out, and ignoring you when you won’t go along with it.
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in a divorce he will tell everyone you got the house because you are a woman, lol.
ask him about how he thinks your confidence is doing by him denying you recogniction for a contribution you actually did when he wants to boost himself with something he didn't do to even 50%?
nta
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definetely nta
i wonder what his reaction would be when you would have asked that haha
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no way you're ta. he's being a jerk. needing to take false credit for a confidence boost? definitely an insight into his character that you should consider backing out over.
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i had an ex with this mindset years ago. when we broke up (because he shputed at me in public and told me to be quiet in a restaurant in front of others and expected me to step back and let him speak like that ) many people cut me out and i just thought, well whatever. move on head held high. yrs later we spoke and it turns out hed been telling all my friends at the time that he was paying for absolutely everything, every coffee, every date, every weekend away or holiday, everything i bought him, he'd bought himself and how id got the birthday gifts i wanted and then left him. so they all naturally felt id been secretly milking him and being a leech.
i asked him why he'd do that when atm i paid for about 80%of everything we did. he said but hes the man and he cpuldnt have people thinking id provided and paid for things. and he definitely didnt want to say why we'd really broken up. he didnt understand why id been hurt or why it mattered.
op - run. your marriage will be a tally score card and he will lie and sulk and you will be the cash cow funding his shitty attitude and lies to others.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancè (37m) and i (33f) got engaged few months ago. we're getting married soon and invitations were already sent out. right now we're focusing on much smaller details. we've also been busy moving into our new home that we purchased together (30% of his savings + 70% of mine). i have to say that saving up for this house took most of my savings and prevented me from enjoying the things i love spending money on. my fiancè sat me down yesterday to talk about his 'groom speech'. he talked about few points but what made me upset was when he asked if i would be okay if he mentions the house we bought and say that he was the one who bought it. i was a bit taken aback, i asked why and he said it's "just a confidence boost" during the speech and that's it. i said i didn't feel comfortable with the idea because i think that it's unfair not to acknowledge the fact that i'd sacrificed so much to be able to buy the house. i reminded him of how much i contributed but he said this doesn't change that it's our house so it shouldn't matter to me if he said he bought it himself or we both did. i refused because then people will always think the house was bought by him which is something that will never change no matter how hard i try to prove that i contributed 70%. he got made at me and said that i was really overthinking this whole thing and making a big deal out of it. we got into an argument and he started yelling saying it's just one favor he's asking me to do and yet, i'm making this ridiculous, small request my hill to die on. he's basically sulking and now he's out and refusing to answer my calls so basically he's started the silent treatment til i cave in. aita for making this my hill to die on? [edit] my fiance comes from more humble background and money has always been a struggle for him and his family. it's become obvious how insecure he can be when it comes to money, especially when he compares how much i make vs how he makes. i've never made him feel as less than and he has never took advantage of me in any way and so his recent request really cut me off guard to say the least. [/INST] nta and i would bet he's been telling people that already </s>
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AITA for not paying to fix the laptop my boyfriend broke in a temper tantrums?
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i (m34) bought my boyfriend (m32) a 2018 macbook air on sale a few months ago because he needed a new computer. it did not come with a warranty. two days ago, he got annoyed at me that i asked him to come to bed (it was 2am), slammed the laptop shut and came.
then, he discovered the next day that his slamming the laptop shut broke the screen. he started demanding that i pay for it because "i provoked him" and because i was so stupid to buy a laptop without a warranty. i told him he should learn not to have temper tantrums.
he has a stable, salaried job. i understand that he doesn't want to pay to fix it, but i don't see how this is my problem.
| 18,909 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gvnqnm/aita_for_not_paying_to_fix_the_laptop_my/
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2020-06-03 05:24:47
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nta
he’s 32, he should have more control over his anger by now, he’s an adult. red flag imo
why should you pay for damage he caused to his computer during his temper tantrum? red flag 2
you “provoked” him? you told him to go to bed when it was already 2am. was he on something?
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nta and i would be very wary of staying in a relationship with this person. i am not at all a “throw the whole man away, yes the whole man.” kind of person but him blaming you for his violent reaction and then demeaning you is something that abusers do. he doesn’t have to hit you to be abusive.
i would not pay to fix the laptop and at the very least would require him to talk to someone about anger management.
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nta.
classic manipulative behavior. "look what you made me do."
i'd watch out that he doesn't continue to blame you for his behavior.
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nta
this is an abusive relationship!
that is gaslighting.
it’s emotional abuse.
get out now. do you need access to resources near you?
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nta. when he blackens your eye because “you provoked him”, is he gonna ask that you pay for his bruised knuckles?
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nta da fuck? are you kidding me???? he breaks it, blames it on you because you "provoked him", and calls you stupid for not getting a warranty??
who is this jerk and why are you with him??
i can understand saying things in anger...i've certainly said things i regret, but i've always been able to recognize i was wrong and apologize.
if he doesn't apologize profusely for this shit, you need to dump his ass. the bloody nerve...
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christ man. get out of that relationship.
the fact that you’re even asking if you are the asshole shows this person can manipulate you.
they were up at 2 am.
they slammed the macbook pro.
they broke it.
they want you to pay for something that they did?
aka yourself this question: would you rather have a partner that’s calm and loving and who respects you or one who blames you for their issues and frankly gets upset when you ask them to come to bed?
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⛳⛳⛳⛳⛳ warning behavior.... nta but should nip that behavior in the bud before it eacalates
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this is clearly nta. what even is the question? there is no other side to it.
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info--why are you dating a 12 yr old when you're 34?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m34) bought my boyfriend (m32) a 2018 macbook air on sale a few months ago because he needed a new computer. it did not come with a warranty. two days ago, he got annoyed at me that i asked him to come to bed (it was 2am), slammed the laptop shut and came. then, he discovered the next day that his slamming the laptop shut broke the screen. he started demanding that i pay for it because "i provoked him" and because i was so stupid to buy a laptop without a warranty. i told him he should learn not to have temper tantrums. he has a stable, salaried job. i understand that he doesn't want to pay to fix it, but i don't see how this is my problem.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m34) bought my boyfriend (m32) a 2018 macbook air on sale a few months ago because he needed a new computer. it did not come with a warranty. two days ago, he got annoyed at me that i asked him to come to bed (it was 2am), slammed the laptop shut and came. then, he discovered the next day that his slamming the laptop shut broke the screen. he started demanding that i pay for it because "i provoked him" and because i was so stupid to buy a laptop without a warranty. i told him he should learn not to have temper tantrums. he has a stable, salaried job. i understand that he doesn't want to pay to fix it, but i don't see how this is my problem. [/INST] nta he’s 32, he should have more control over his anger by now, he’s an adult. red flag imo why should you pay for damage he caused to his computer during his temper tantrum? red flag 2 you “provoked” him? you told him to go to bed when it was already 2am. was he on something? </s>
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AITA for demanding my fiancée stop teaching our kids bad manners?
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hi everyone, using a throwaway because i don’t want this on my main but i would like an outside opinion.
my fiancée “lola” and i have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). our wedding is in two months.
lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since i work early, and so i never noticed this until recently. i took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and lola and started to notice something that bothered me.
lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. i hadn’t noticed this before, as they don’t eat this type of food for lunch/dinner/snacks or eat it all the time so i guess i just missed it as i wasn’t home or she fed them other things on the weekends.
this morning i was helping lola make breakfast and then i got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. as they were getting ready to eat, i noticed they didn’t have forks/spoons so i told lola i would get them and she said there was “no need”.
i watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. i asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that i was concerned and said that’s how they always eat it.
i told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. she told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but i pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren’t needed.
she said i was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but i do think it’s gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. she said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn’t gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate.
i ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn’t want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they’re used to this.
lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn’t let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i’m starting to feel a bit annoyed.
aita?
| 4,530 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdmir0/aita_for_demanding_my_fiancée_stop_teaching_our/
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2022-08-01 17:01:25
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yta - i’m guessing “lola” is of latin american descent? it’s very common in that culture to use a tortilla as the utensil just as it is in many other cultures to use bread or something as a utensil.
you’re being insensitive to her culture
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yta
hope you know that in other countries that’s how they eat. i’m white and even i know that in a lot of cultures, they use bread as their “utensil.” it’s not bad table manners. i’m gonna guess you’re white and lola isn’t.
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i am kinda sad that you have kids, yet you know so little about them and about how they develop. any parents with the most basic interest knows how to feed children.
they are not 10, but 2yo. **all 2 yo eat with their hands.**
it's ok to not be too involved with your kids, but criticizing your fiancé for not raising your kids according to your impossible expectations makes yta.
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yta. this is how two year old's eat and you don't need a fork for a tortilla. and using a flat bread to scoop up food is de rigueur in almost every culture except north western european culture, which makes you a racist asshole too.
also the fact that your little ones are three and you've just noticed standard meal time behavior makes yta x2. try being an engaged parent?
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yta
1. this isn't "bad manners." lola is from a different culture than you, and in a lot of cultures it's common for people to use a piece of bread (tortilla, naan, injera, etc.) to scoop up their food: ethiopia, pakistan, some latin american countries, and even new mexico.
2. plus your kids are two years old! it takes a long time for toddlers to master using a spoon and especially a fork, and many if not most children eat with their hands at two years.
calm down, apologize to lola, and just make sure the kids get some practice using a utensil when you eat with them - yogurt or pudding or something.
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yta. your casual racism toward your wife is going to affect your kids. it is patently not bad manners to eat in this way. i would argue it is its own skill. in addition to the fact that no one expects little kids to eat with utensils, your attitude and apparent disgust with a cultural norm that is part of your wife's (and now your children's) upbringing is so far beyond problematic. if you love your wife, it's time to start appreciating her culture and stop acting like it's a sin to eat with "bare hands."
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yta. what a way to announce to the whole world that you haven’t spent a day raising your own children and left your fiancée to do the whole thing with twins for the past 2.5 years! damn… i hope she doesn’t marry you! there’s literally no need, she’s already a single mom.
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yta
based on your edit i’m guessing lola is latina. it’s super common in other cultures to eat with your hands—also, it sounds like they’re only doing it for breakfast. your kids know how to use utensils in situations and for meals where they should be using utensils, so there’s no reason to throw a hissy fit over them eating with their hands. especially considering lola has them wash up.
you shouldn’t have had children with a brown person if you can’t handle them passing their culture down to your kids
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love that the edit says the post is getting "mixed reactions" and yet every comment is "yta".
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so like, whats the problem? you dont like it because... you dont like it? yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone, using a throwaway because i don’t want this on my main but i would like an outside opinion. my fiancée “lola” and i have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). our wedding is in two months. lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since i work early, and so i never noticed this until recently. i took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and lola and started to notice something that bothered me. lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. i hadn’t noticed this before, as they don’t eat this type of food for lunch/dinner/snacks or eat it all the time so i guess i just missed it as i wasn’t home or she fed them other things on the weekends. this morning i was helping lola make breakfast and then i got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. as they were getting ready to eat, i noticed they didn’t have forks/spoons so i told lola i would get them and she said there was “no need”. i watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. i asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that i was concerned and said that’s how they always eat it. i told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. she told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but i pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren’t needed. she said i was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but i do think it’s gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. she said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn’t gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate. i ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn’t want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they’re used to this. lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn’t let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i’m starting to feel a bit annoyed. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, using a throwaway because i don’t want this on my main but i would like an outside opinion. my fiancée “lola” and i have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). our wedding is in two months. lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since i work early, and so i never noticed this until recently. i took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and lola and started to notice something that bothered me. lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. i hadn’t noticed this before, as they don’t eat this type of food for lunch/dinner/snacks or eat it all the time so i guess i just missed it as i wasn’t home or she fed them other things on the weekends. this morning i was helping lola make breakfast and then i got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. as they were getting ready to eat, i noticed they didn’t have forks/spoons so i told lola i would get them and she said there was “no need”. i watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. i asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that i was concerned and said that’s how they always eat it. i told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. she told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but i pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren’t needed. she said i was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but i do think it’s gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. she said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn’t gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate. i ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn’t want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they’re used to this. lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn’t let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i’m starting to feel a bit annoyed. aita? [/INST] yta - i’m guessing “lola” is of latin american descent? it’s very common in that culture to use a tortilla as the utensil just as it is in many other cultures to use bread or something as a utensil. you’re being insensitive to her culture </s>
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AITA for not speaking to my parents again after they put my cat down
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for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away.
i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings".
i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10.
i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
| 25,020 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdyy9z/aita_for_not_speaking_to_my_parents_again_after/
|
2020-03-05 17:46:14
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nta.
>they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally?
i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two.
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nta.
it's bad enough - *gigantic* asshole behavior - to put down your daugher's pet without telling her first when it was entirely possible to ensure she (you, op) had the opportunity to say goodbye first.
but to **berate** you for being upset with them and they refuse to apologize?
>i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me,
they can go **fuck** themselves. i'd never speak with them again either.
it requires **so little** common sense to comprehend this, that i genuinely wonder if either of your parents have a mental illness.
i just can't think of any other reasonable explanation for behaving in such an unintelligent manner. it's just **so stupid** it's hard to comprehend.
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a beautiful and tragic moment? what the actual fuck. fuck them. don't talk to them until they apologize for not informing you - that was not their cat, that was your pet and family and fuck them
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nta is this your regular vet? if so, why would they let your parents make such an important decision when it isn’t their cat? did they pretend it was theirs? this whole situation is just crazy.
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info: have you called the vet?
i dont mean to be rude....but this whole thing feels fake without that information.
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nta
it sounded like he wasn't in so much pain he had to be put down immediately. there's no reason they should have made that call. i would be furious too, along with my heartbreak. i'm sorry you had to lose your pal in such a horrible way.
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nta, at least for being angry at your parents. by all means get some distance, but if they have genuine remorse give them the opportunity to apologize.
but the part you're downplaying is the role of the vet in this. it doesn't sound right to me that a vet would be able to euthanize a pet without the owner's approval. unless there are extenuating circumstances why your parents would have your approval to make medical decisions for your cat, that seems like an ethical violation to me. not only would i be looking for a new vet in the future and trashing the place on social media, but i would be looking to see if there's an overseeing regulatory board that they can be reported to.
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nta nta nta. i’m so sorry that happened!
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yta but just because this is obviously made up. tests to confirm would take more than a hour, and the cat would likely need to be fasting. also, any reputable vet has a listing of those allowed to make medical decisions for the pet. for my dog, i could have someone else take him to an appointment but the vet is not legally allowed to do anything without my approval.
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nta and i would be calling the vet and wanting to know why a euthanasia decision was made without calling the owner first! that's ridiculous! it's not like the cat was in immediate suffering that needed to end asap, they could keep it comfortable until they reached you. you're parents were well-meaning assholes but i'd be more furious with the vet clinic. also, to make that call without doing bloodwork?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.074074 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context: i'm 28, the vets office is literally 10 minutes away. i had them take him because i have two herniated disks and can't carry the carrier and open the multiple doors and hold the carrier without fear of dropping it. i thought he had a little cold with the only reasoning being that his ears felt a little warm, he wasn't eating as much as he normally does and he was due for his shots anyway. so i cooked dinner for all of us while they took him to the vet on my dime. i called them after an hour and asked how things were going and my father told me everything was good and he had a little fever. fast forward another hour, they come back and let themselves in and i open the door to my mother sobbing and my father slinking in the corner. turns out the vet found a large mass on his kidney and suspected it was stage 3-4 cancer. so my parents, without calling me, had him put down to "spare my feelings". i told them both to leave and that i never wanted to speak to them again. that it wasn't their decision to make and they should have called and told me the situation so i could at the very least say good bye and be with him. that by failing to tell me, they stole an opportunity for any closure i could have. i raised that cat from a feral kitten with his mother and his brother from the time he had his eye's open. he was only 10. i'm equally heart broken and furious and they can't seem to understand why. they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. [/INST] nta. >they proceeded to berate and belittle me, going as far as to say i wasn't sad, just angry and that i was: "ruining a beautiful and tragic moment" and that it was my fault because i didn't go with them. do they often take your circumstances as an excuse to misbehave emotionally? i'd recommend calling the vet and making sure that they're being honest that a)the cat was put down, and b) it's for the reason they said it was. it is pretty weird to diagnose a cat with kidney cancer during a walk-in appointment, even if you're there an hour or two. </s>
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AITA expecting my husband to cook for us while he's not working?
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my husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery. he has a cast for now and crutches to get around the house and has been home less than a week. normally we either take turns cooking or cook together when we both get home. but since he'll be home for a number of weeks i told him he should be covering dinner for us. he said he'd do what he could.
the first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup. stuff like that that doesn't really constitute a meal or he orders take out. once in awhile, okay, but it's been like that ever since he's been staying home. yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. protein and vegetable sides. my husband argued and said he didn't think he'd be able to do something like that because he's supposed to be staying off that foot as much as possible for the time being. and he brought up being in pain. i totally get the pain but i reminded him that there were ways to make a good dinner even with a broken ankle. he has his crutches, could bring a stool or rolling chair into the kitchen, or get everything to the table and sit to do prep. instead, he made chili in a slow cooker and had premade salads delivered from the store. i wound up making something for myself instead and told him how i was getting fed up with him disregarding my wishes and feelings.
he told me i'm being bossy and need to cut him so slack and he'd go stay with a friend. he's been there a whole day and was short with me when i've called to get him to talk about this. i don't think i'm asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he's home but aita?
| 6,540 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wkmtdj/aita_expecting_my_husband_to_cook_for_us_while/
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2022-08-10 03:22:51
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yta. he should be off his foot as much as possible. also he made dinner?!?
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yta the man in injured how much do you expect him to do? it’s not safe to sit and cook god forbid the pot or something hot falls on him.
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yta
he's home from work because he's recovering from surgery, but you expect him to stand in the kitchen every night and bring you a multi-course meal?
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who gives a shit about what you want right now? your husband had major surgery less than a week ago. a particular surgery that i know can take a person up to four months to recover from. so he doesn't need to be on his feet, even with the crutches. he needs to **be in bed resting and recovery**. not catering to a royally spoiled pain in the ass like you. if anything, it should be the other way around. since he's genuinely hurt and in pain while you're just a pain. so yeah, yta.
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yta
if he's supposed to keep his feet up that includes playing maid. in spite of this he still managed to put food on the table and you're not pleased with the quality?
the injury/surgery occurred a week ago, give it time. i broke my foot and had to have surgery you have no idea how distressed i would have been had my husband pressured me into anything more then to keep my foot elevated.
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yta - your lack of empathy and concern for your husbands recovery is despicable. do better.
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yta. your husband isn’t on vacation, he’s home because he broke his ankle. not only that, he had surgery for it and it’s the first week. he needs to be resting with his leg elevated as much as possible right now. do you know how much energy it takes the body to heal from surgery and broken bones? a lot. and you want him to mess his recovery up because you think he should be cooking dinner? do you want him to ever be able to walk again?
you’re being ridiculous.
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"yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. protein and vegetable sides." yta. you sound like a princess, princess.
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>the first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup.
i knew i was gonna say yta at this quote.
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yta. broken bones are horribly painful. and what is wrong with grilled cheese and soup? it is yummy and he made an effort while hurting. if you don’t like it, make your own food.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery. he has a cast for now and crutches to get around the house and has been home less than a week. normally we either take turns cooking or cook together when we both get home. but since he'll be home for a number of weeks i told him he should be covering dinner for us. he said he'd do what he could. the first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup. stuff like that that doesn't really constitute a meal or he orders take out. once in awhile, okay, but it's been like that ever since he's been staying home. yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. protein and vegetable sides. my husband argued and said he didn't think he'd be able to do something like that because he's supposed to be staying off that foot as much as possible for the time being. and he brought up being in pain. i totally get the pain but i reminded him that there were ways to make a good dinner even with a broken ankle. he has his crutches, could bring a stool or rolling chair into the kitchen, or get everything to the table and sit to do prep. instead, he made chili in a slow cooker and had premade salads delivered from the store. i wound up making something for myself instead and told him how i was getting fed up with him disregarding my wishes and feelings. he told me i'm being bossy and need to cut him so slack and he'd go stay with a friend. he's been there a whole day and was short with me when i've called to get him to talk about this. i don't think i'm asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he's home but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband broke his ankle and had to have surgery. he has a cast for now and crutches to get around the house and has been home less than a week. normally we either take turns cooking or cook together when we both get home. but since he'll be home for a number of weeks i told him he should be covering dinner for us. he said he'd do what he could. the first day all he made is freaking grilled cheese and soup. stuff like that that doesn't really constitute a meal or he orders take out. once in awhile, okay, but it's been like that ever since he's been staying home. yesterday i asked him to do something with more sustenance like a baked dish with a side salad. protein and vegetable sides. my husband argued and said he didn't think he'd be able to do something like that because he's supposed to be staying off that foot as much as possible for the time being. and he brought up being in pain. i totally get the pain but i reminded him that there were ways to make a good dinner even with a broken ankle. he has his crutches, could bring a stool or rolling chair into the kitchen, or get everything to the table and sit to do prep. instead, he made chili in a slow cooker and had premade salads delivered from the store. i wound up making something for myself instead and told him how i was getting fed up with him disregarding my wishes and feelings. he told me i'm being bossy and need to cut him so slack and he'd go stay with a friend. he's been there a whole day and was short with me when i've called to get him to talk about this. i don't think i'm asking too much from him to just cook dinner since he's home but aita? [/INST] yta. he should be off his foot as much as possible. also he made dinner?!? </s>
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AITA For leaving after my husband for inviting his parents to our 1st wedding anniversary?
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me f26 and my husband m25 got married a year ago, i'm the kind of person that really like celebrating special occasions that are important to me, before my husband and i got married he promised to take us somewhere nice on our first wedding anniversary, and since my wedding was an absolute disaster-thanks to my in-laws (mother in law to be specific) i saw this as a chance to have another special day to celebrate my relationship with my husband, but things have been rough the past few months i'm 5 weeks pregnant and our whole plan changed.
my husband suggested we have dinner at a nice restaurant that his mom picked for us (??) and...recommended, okay now she's trying to get involved this year too, anyways, he showed me pictures and the type of food they serve and asked me to pay, it's an expensive restaurant, i suggested we pick another but he insisted, i agreed and once we got there i found that the menu wasn't there which was weird because i was ready to order, about 15 minutes of my husband stalling, his parents walked up to our table dressed nicly and sat with us, i looked at my husband for an explanation but he avoided me to tell his mom that the food they wanted was ordered ahead, his mom immediately made backhanded comments about my hair,dress, weight, and didn't stop.
i was literally mad, she and her son started drinking while my father in law started talking to me about "politics", the final straw was when she canceled the cake i wanted and replaced it with the one her husband liked, i got up, told my husband to hand me the keys or i was going to walk, he tried to calm the situation that's when his awful mom started talking about me acting inappropriately, she told her son to "just hand me the keys" cause she didn't want me to embarrass her.
i left, an hour later, my husband came home, started berating me for overreacting and ruining dinner, i yelled at him what the f was he thinking inviting his parents, he said they paid for it so he had to invite them, started arguing saying that he saw nothing wrong with what he did, he didn't even tell me and argued about how i was being awful to his family, i went to my mom's after he insulted me and i been feeling bad eversince, his mom texted me but i ignored her.
| 19,476 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivjtgp/aita_for_leaving_after_my_husband_for_inviting/
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2020-09-19 02:14:30
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nta but why did you get married to him in the first place? also unless he commits to serious couples counseling and working on demeshimg himself from his mom you might not want to be married much longer.
head over to r/justnoso and r/justnomil
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if it was me, i'd leave him now before having a life of regrets.
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nta
so my in-laws were similar, my husband did some of what your husband did, and we’re still married 10 years and two kids later so i hope you listen to my advice:
1. marriage counseling asap
2. find a trusted family member on your husbands side, if possible, to tell him his parents are batshit crazy.
3. individual therapy for you. for everything that is going and to also decide how to proceed with your pregnancy. you are only 5 weeks along and you have options.
i really hope it gets better.
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i mean. this is crazy, his behavior is not okay. beyond not okay. you’re his wife - yet he’s treating his mother more like a spouse. if she destroyed your wedding and he witnessed how that made you feel, why is he allowing her to infiltrate the situation yet again? he should be standing up for you and at the absolute very least he should be willing to have a romantic one year anniversary meal with you.
nta nta nta
this situation is just covered in red flags, i would truly reevaluate being married to someone who not only allows you to be mistreated but openly invites it and then gets mad at you for his lack of consideration. especially with a child coming into the world, you can count on his mother to try to parent your kid and demean your parenting. and i guarantee your husband won’t have the balls to stand up to her then either.
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[deleted]
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nta and just be done. he's never going to get better. he'll hand your kid over to his mother if she wants him/her. at least if you divorce now you'll have your kid to yourself 50% of the time.
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nta-why do you think your an ahole it’s your wedding anniversary not theirs. anniversaries are for the husband and wife to celebrate thier marriage. they can suggest places to go. husband and parents tas here
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quick review:
1) your husband promised you to take somewhere special for your first wedding anniversary 🚩
2) your wedding was ruined because of his mom with an assistance from his father.🚩
3) you’re 5 weeks pregnant, making this extra special anniversary. first and last one without kids.
4) knowing this, he suggest a recommend a place that his mom picked 🚩.
5)you suggested somewhere different because of the cost but he insisted. you agreed
6) you get there and there is no menu 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
7) your in-laws showed up unannounced. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
8) he talks to his mom the food that she ordered.🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
9 ) she insults at your anniversary dinner🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
his parents and him are completely clueless on how inappropriate their behavior is.
the red flags are blinding at this point. nta but you need to escape.
your husband is very attached to his mother’s apron and he has no desire to cut them. it will get worse during pregnancy and after you have your child. just get a divorce. there are better men
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nta.
how in the world could you be ta in this situation?? this is so much more than an anniversary dinner. you married a mamas boy who will always put his mom before you. has he been like this the whole relationship?
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nta - you left a situation where you were uncomfortable and unhappy. that’s very much allowed. good for you!
i would seriously re-evaluate your marriage. you think your mil is being disrespectful now? just wait until that baby comes. she’s going to undermine your parenting every chance she gets.
either your husband needs to step up or you need to step out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me f26 and my husband m25 got married a year ago, i'm the kind of person that really like celebrating special occasions that are important to me, before my husband and i got married he promised to take us somewhere nice on our first wedding anniversary, and since my wedding was an absolute disaster-thanks to my in-laws (mother in law to be specific) i saw this as a chance to have another special day to celebrate my relationship with my husband, but things have been rough the past few months i'm 5 weeks pregnant and our whole plan changed. my husband suggested we have dinner at a nice restaurant that his mom picked for us (??) and...recommended, okay now she's trying to get involved this year too, anyways, he showed me pictures and the type of food they serve and asked me to pay, it's an expensive restaurant, i suggested we pick another but he insisted, i agreed and once we got there i found that the menu wasn't there which was weird because i was ready to order, about 15 minutes of my husband stalling, his parents walked up to our table dressed nicly and sat with us, i looked at my husband for an explanation but he avoided me to tell his mom that the food they wanted was ordered ahead, his mom immediately made backhanded comments about my hair,dress, weight, and didn't stop. i was literally mad, she and her son started drinking while my father in law started talking to me about "politics", the final straw was when she canceled the cake i wanted and replaced it with the one her husband liked, i got up, told my husband to hand me the keys or i was going to walk, he tried to calm the situation that's when his awful mom started talking about me acting inappropriately, she told her son to "just hand me the keys" cause she didn't want me to embarrass her. i left, an hour later, my husband came home, started berating me for overreacting and ruining dinner, i yelled at him what the f was he thinking inviting his parents, he said they paid for it so he had to invite them, started arguing saying that he saw nothing wrong with what he did, he didn't even tell me and argued about how i was being awful to his family, i went to my mom's after he insulted me and i been feeling bad eversince, his mom texted me but i ignored her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me f26 and my husband m25 got married a year ago, i'm the kind of person that really like celebrating special occasions that are important to me, before my husband and i got married he promised to take us somewhere nice on our first wedding anniversary, and since my wedding was an absolute disaster-thanks to my in-laws (mother in law to be specific) i saw this as a chance to have another special day to celebrate my relationship with my husband, but things have been rough the past few months i'm 5 weeks pregnant and our whole plan changed. my husband suggested we have dinner at a nice restaurant that his mom picked for us (??) and...recommended, okay now she's trying to get involved this year too, anyways, he showed me pictures and the type of food they serve and asked me to pay, it's an expensive restaurant, i suggested we pick another but he insisted, i agreed and once we got there i found that the menu wasn't there which was weird because i was ready to order, about 15 minutes of my husband stalling, his parents walked up to our table dressed nicly and sat with us, i looked at my husband for an explanation but he avoided me to tell his mom that the food they wanted was ordered ahead, his mom immediately made backhanded comments about my hair,dress, weight, and didn't stop. i was literally mad, she and her son started drinking while my father in law started talking to me about "politics", the final straw was when she canceled the cake i wanted and replaced it with the one her husband liked, i got up, told my husband to hand me the keys or i was going to walk, he tried to calm the situation that's when his awful mom started talking about me acting inappropriately, she told her son to "just hand me the keys" cause she didn't want me to embarrass her. i left, an hour later, my husband came home, started berating me for overreacting and ruining dinner, i yelled at him what the f was he thinking inviting his parents, he said they paid for it so he had to invite them, started arguing saying that he saw nothing wrong with what he did, he didn't even tell me and argued about how i was being awful to his family, i went to my mom's after he insulted me and i been feeling bad eversince, his mom texted me but i ignored her. [/INST] nta but why did you get married to him in the first place? also unless he commits to serious couples counseling and working on demeshimg himself from his mom you might not want to be married much longer. head over to r/justnoso and r/justnomil </s>
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AITA for calling a woman crazy and 'threatening to kidnap her son'?
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in 2019, my (40m) son (18m) went on a trip with some friends, one of the kid's parents owned a large cabin and all of them went there for the weekend (all boys, about 10 in total). my son was out to his friends at the time and came out to me a few months later.
yesterday one of the boys from that trip, (i'll call them f) made a post on their story, it was a video of him and my son kissing and making out. with the caption 'hey, remember this?'. apparently on the trip a game of truth and dare got a little intense, and this friend was dared to kiss my son.
normally what the boys post on their social media stays between them but one of the parents saw the vid, recorded it and started sending it to all the parents. and it eventually made its way to me and f's mom, she freaked out. she immediately called me and asked to speak 'parent to parent'.
f is bi and after he came out she basically begged him to not tell anyone (his friends already knew) and after seeing the video, she is convinced that my son 'made him gay'. she wanted to know what i was going to do about it. i was genuinely confused and asked her what she meant, she asked how me and my son intend to help 'fix' f.
i called her crazy, and told her there was nothing to 'fix', i then told her if she didn't love f for who he is, i would always make a space for him at my house (he's a close friend of my son and is around often). she then started screaming at me, accusing me of trying to kidnap f and 'make him fully gay, while he is still fixable'. she has now been telling people that i verbally abused her, called her crazy and insane, and threatened to come and take f away.
i've had a lot of people, mostly parents, telling me that i'm ta for how i treated her and that i shouldn't interfere with things that don't involve me. now i know 100% that she is ta for the things she said about my son and f, but i'm starting to think i might also be ta for the way i handled it, i probably shouldn't have yelled and may have just made it worse for f. so aita?
| 19,466 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nc6lnu/aita_for_calling_a_woman_crazy_and_threatening_to/
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2021-05-14 11:42:38
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nta. f’s mom is just homophobic to the point of insanity. you might want to check local laws regarding recording phone conversations and then record any phone convos you have with this psycho to protect yourself against further nuttiness and claims of mistreatment.
you absolutely did the right thing by offering your support to f; if his own mom can’t love and accept him for who he is i’m glad someone can.
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as a gay person i wanna say thank you for defending f. nta and please keep true to what you said for him because he’s gonna need all the help he can get with a mother like that
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nta
she reached out to you. you didn’t initiate this. your kid played a game of gay chicken and... lost? won? i don’t know.
either way, not your problem what the other kid does with his life. now if they did truth or dare and one of them ended up a meth addict that is a different story...
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i don t know how you said it but the contain is clearly nta !
this kid might be in danger with his mother. she might send him to be “re-educated”. make sure your son tells him that f is welcome to your house.
you are a good father and a supportive person.
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nta as someone who has come out to a not supportive parent it means so much to see people willing to help when kids parents are being abusing (yes i do think the concept of trying to fix lgbt people abuse)
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>mostly parents, telling me that i'm ta for how i treated her and that i shouldn't interfere with things that don't involve me.
it was your cabin, your son, and she called you. you're involved.
nta. she's one of those "pray the gay away" people. i think you handled it just fine. you expressed that there's nothing wrong with her son and that he has people who will accept him for who he is.
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um can we address the parent that recorded the video of two minors kissing and sent that round, wtf? would they have done that if it was a video of two kids from the opposite genders? why are they recording minors/barely legal teenagers? why are they watching what minors and barely legal teenagers are doing on their social pages? damn that parent needs to be called out for a.) not letting kids be kids and do kids things (like joke about people making out during truth & dare) b.) for trying to stir shit c.) being predatory and creepy as fuck. why were the other parents sharing this video around, did they think that was ok, why aren't they all too busy surviving the pandemic to be gossiping about kids?
&#x200b;
nta for what you asked about, i think you just need to expressly tell these parents, "hey, she accused my son of turning her son gay and she thinks her son needs to be fixed cos he's bi. we support lgbtqia in my household and we would never abandon a teenager for being gay, so i told her her son is always welcome in my household. where do you stand on this, do you think gay people need to be fixed? would you abandon and throw out your own child? cos its coming across like you support f's mums' viewpoint, which i find concerning."
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y-t-a for not sending her the antigay spray. (it's the same stuff as the anti-monster spray that parents get.)
nta when dealing with this level of crazy, it's hard to control your reaction.
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nta-calling her crazy didn’t help your stance but with everything else i think you were spot on.
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nta. 18 years old or not, it sounds like f is in danger of getting shoved into a white van in the middle of the night by his parents. is there a way you and your son can contact him privately and try to cone up with a plan to make sure he's safe?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in 2019, my (40m) son (18m) went on a trip with some friends, one of the kid's parents owned a large cabin and all of them went there for the weekend (all boys, about 10 in total). my son was out to his friends at the time and came out to me a few months later. yesterday one of the boys from that trip, (i'll call them f) made a post on their story, it was a video of him and my son kissing and making out. with the caption 'hey, remember this?'. apparently on the trip a game of truth and dare got a little intense, and this friend was dared to kiss my son. normally what the boys post on their social media stays between them but one of the parents saw the vid, recorded it and started sending it to all the parents. and it eventually made its way to me and f's mom, she freaked out. she immediately called me and asked to speak 'parent to parent'. f is bi and after he came out she basically begged him to not tell anyone (his friends already knew) and after seeing the video, she is convinced that my son 'made him gay'. she wanted to know what i was going to do about it. i was genuinely confused and asked her what she meant, she asked how me and my son intend to help 'fix' f. i called her crazy, and told her there was nothing to 'fix', i then told her if she didn't love f for who he is, i would always make a space for him at my house (he's a close friend of my son and is around often). she then started screaming at me, accusing me of trying to kidnap f and 'make him fully gay, while he is still fixable'. she has now been telling people that i verbally abused her, called her crazy and insane, and threatened to come and take f away. i've had a lot of people, mostly parents, telling me that i'm ta for how i treated her and that i shouldn't interfere with things that don't involve me. now i know 100% that she is ta for the things she said about my son and f, but i'm starting to think i might also be ta for the way i handled it, i probably shouldn't have yelled and may have just made it worse for f. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in 2019, my (40m) son (18m) went on a trip with some friends, one of the kid's parents owned a large cabin and all of them went there for the weekend (all boys, about 10 in total). my son was out to his friends at the time and came out to me a few months later. yesterday one of the boys from that trip, (i'll call them f) made a post on their story, it was a video of him and my son kissing and making out. with the caption 'hey, remember this?'. apparently on the trip a game of truth and dare got a little intense, and this friend was dared to kiss my son. normally what the boys post on their social media stays between them but one of the parents saw the vid, recorded it and started sending it to all the parents. and it eventually made its way to me and f's mom, she freaked out. she immediately called me and asked to speak 'parent to parent'. f is bi and after he came out she basically begged him to not tell anyone (his friends already knew) and after seeing the video, she is convinced that my son 'made him gay'. she wanted to know what i was going to do about it. i was genuinely confused and asked her what she meant, she asked how me and my son intend to help 'fix' f. i called her crazy, and told her there was nothing to 'fix', i then told her if she didn't love f for who he is, i would always make a space for him at my house (he's a close friend of my son and is around often). she then started screaming at me, accusing me of trying to kidnap f and 'make him fully gay, while he is still fixable'. she has now been telling people that i verbally abused her, called her crazy and insane, and threatened to come and take f away. i've had a lot of people, mostly parents, telling me that i'm ta for how i treated her and that i shouldn't interfere with things that don't involve me. now i know 100% that she is ta for the things she said about my son and f, but i'm starting to think i might also be ta for the way i handled it, i probably shouldn't have yelled and may have just made it worse for f. so aita? [/INST] nta. f’s mom is just homophobic to the point of insanity. you might want to check local laws regarding recording phone conversations and then record any phone convos you have with this psycho to protect yourself against further nuttiness and claims of mistreatment. you absolutely did the right thing by offering your support to f; if his own mom can’t love and accept him for who he is i’m glad someone can. </s>
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Aita for not buying my daughter another water bottle after she chewed through the straw on hers
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my daughter (14) chews on everything, especially anything made of silicone. she has anxiety and sensory issues so i think that's why she chews on stuff.
in june i got her a water bottle and it had a silicone straw lid. i didn't think anything of it because she's never broken anything that she's chewed on before. last week she came up to me and said that she chewed through the straw on her water bottle and asked me to take her to buy her a new one. i said no and that she can use one of her sister's bottles (she bought 3 water bottles and covered them in stickers. she doesn't mind people borrowing them) until she buys herself a new one. she threw a tantrum because "she hates the way the stickers feel on her hands" and i told her she should've thought of that before she broke hers and sent her to her room until dinner.
she called her dad (my ex) and told him what happened and that she "can't drink water at school because of me" (she refuses to take plastic bottles too and the water fountains at her school are shut off due to covid) and when he picked her up yesterday he told the kids to leave the room and berated me for not buying her a new water bottle and wants to go to court to get full custody over this. he completely undermined my parenting and bought her 2 water bottles with replacement caps and some necklaces for her to chew on (i already told her that i don't want her wearing those). my daughter said she doesn't plan on coming home when her dad's custody time is up so i wanted to see if i was wrong.
| 3,828 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mjbd97/aita_for_not_buying_my_daughter_another_water/
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2021-04-03 16:03:37
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yta [previously i.n.f.o]:
>some necklaces for her to chew on (i already told her that i don't want her wearing those)
why?
so...this seems less about the bottle and more a pattern of minimizing or disregarding your daughter's sensory issues. i get wanting to encourage respecting possessions and cutting down on waste. but why are alternatives like the necklaces not allowed?
a $10 bottle with a 9 month useful life also doesn't seem too crazy to me. is there a reason this is the hill to die on?
i just feel like your ex jumping to fighting for full custody indicates some detail is missing here
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yta
she has a sensory and chewing issue. she broke something after nine months because of her issue that you let go untreated. you try to force her to use a substitute that triggers her sensory overload. her father buys her what she needs to be able to have water at school since hydration is important. and you actually wonder if you're wrong??? is this really serious?
it should be a huge wakeup call that she no longer wants to live with you. he's taking care of her. you're allowing her issues to go untreated. he *should* get full custody.
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yta.
two reasons:
1. your daughter has anxiety and sensory issues and your answer to that is punishing her. i see no mention of you getting her help to deal with any of this. you shouldn’t punish people for issues they have no control over.
2. if your husband is threatening full custody, there’s way more to the story. nobody will give him full custody over not replacing a straw.
be more understanding. your attitude will only give her more anxiety.
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you come to me, in the month of autistic acceptance, asking if yta?
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[deleted]
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yta - for asking the internet to weigh in on a very specific medical condition you clearly have no interest in managing properly. ask your daughter’s therapist.
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yta. why wouldn't you let her wear chewing necklaces? i have a few and they are a lifesaver.
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yta for reasons already mentioned, but i wanted to add that if your daughter has sensory issues and anxiety chews stuff, there's "teething" necklaces you can find on amazon that are great for this, they come in a few more adulty designs. it stopped me chewing holes in my shirts.
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yta, and it's probably better if your daughter stays with her dad because you suck as a parent.
she is your kid and it's your responsibility to take care of the child you made including paying for doctors.
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yta. i can't even comment what i'm thinking because it would be uncivil. please allow her father to take full custody without a huge fight. she needs more than what you appear to be willing to give her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (14) chews on everything, especially anything made of silicone. she has anxiety and sensory issues so i think that's why she chews on stuff. in june i got her a water bottle and it had a silicone straw lid. i didn't think anything of it because she's never broken anything that she's chewed on before. last week she came up to me and said that she chewed through the straw on her water bottle and asked me to take her to buy her a new one. i said no and that she can use one of her sister's bottles (she bought 3 water bottles and covered them in stickers. she doesn't mind people borrowing them) until she buys herself a new one. she threw a tantrum because "she hates the way the stickers feel on her hands" and i told her she should've thought of that before she broke hers and sent her to her room until dinner. she called her dad (my ex) and told him what happened and that she "can't drink water at school because of me" (she refuses to take plastic bottles too and the water fountains at her school are shut off due to covid) and when he picked her up yesterday he told the kids to leave the room and berated me for not buying her a new water bottle and wants to go to court to get full custody over this. he completely undermined my parenting and bought her 2 water bottles with replacement caps and some necklaces for her to chew on (i already told her that i don't want her wearing those). my daughter said she doesn't plan on coming home when her dad's custody time is up so i wanted to see if i was wrong.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (14) chews on everything, especially anything made of silicone. she has anxiety and sensory issues so i think that's why she chews on stuff. in june i got her a water bottle and it had a silicone straw lid. i didn't think anything of it because she's never broken anything that she's chewed on before. last week she came up to me and said that she chewed through the straw on her water bottle and asked me to take her to buy her a new one. i said no and that she can use one of her sister's bottles (she bought 3 water bottles and covered them in stickers. she doesn't mind people borrowing them) until she buys herself a new one. she threw a tantrum because "she hates the way the stickers feel on her hands" and i told her she should've thought of that before she broke hers and sent her to her room until dinner. she called her dad (my ex) and told him what happened and that she "can't drink water at school because of me" (she refuses to take plastic bottles too and the water fountains at her school are shut off due to covid) and when he picked her up yesterday he told the kids to leave the room and berated me for not buying her a new water bottle and wants to go to court to get full custody over this. he completely undermined my parenting and bought her 2 water bottles with replacement caps and some necklaces for her to chew on (i already told her that i don't want her wearing those). my daughter said she doesn't plan on coming home when her dad's custody time is up so i wanted to see if i was wrong. [/INST] yta [previously i.n.f.o]: >some necklaces for her to chew on (i already told her that i don't want her wearing those) why? so...this seems less about the bottle and more a pattern of minimizing or disregarding your daughter's sensory issues. i get wanting to encourage respecting possessions and cutting down on waste. but why are alternatives like the necklaces not allowed? a $10 bottle with a 9 month useful life also doesn't seem too crazy to me. is there a reason this is the hill to die on? i just feel like your ex jumping to fighting for full custody indicates some detail is missing here </s>
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AITA for refusing to stop calling my daughter 'my love'
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some background: my (28f) older sister (33f) has a habit of making everything about her, has done our whole lives, we are 2 of 4 siblings (another sister and a brother). for example, my wedding 4 years ago she had a massive fight with significant other and then announced a pregnancy, 2 days later told us it was a false alarm and she was just late, when i announced my pregnancy she announced she had broken up with her significant other, less than a week after i gave birth to my daughter she announced she was engaged (to a different guy, that she has since broken up with as well). she has also done similar with other family members, including her own children. she has 3 children from 2 different dads and has been engaged and broken up with 3 different guys in the last year.
we had a family video chat to catch up so everyone could see my daughter (4 months old), no one has had a great deal of face to face contact due to restrictions and distance, some family members have yet to meet her in person. i use lots of nicknames for my daughter, mainly bubble, poppet or a shortened version of her name (think izzy if her name was isabelle), but occasionally use terms of endearment such as, sweetheart, my darling or my love.
while on the video chat my sister asked me not to use my love as her new boyfriend calls her that, she's been 'talking to him' for about a month and is now apparently moving in next week. i apologised and said i wouldn't use it around her, thinking this was reasonable. she said no, i had to never use it again, i wasn't allowed to call my daughter that and she found it really inappropriate as it really should just be used in a romantic setting. this confused me and i refused, i said i could call my daughter whatever i pleased and i would simply avoid using the term in front of her. she got very defensive and went on to insult my parenting skills.
here is where i may be the ah, i told her, just because her new guy couldnt remember her name long enough to use it, and chances are none of us would put the effort into learning his, doesn't mean i need to change what i call my daughter.
she flipped out and left the call, some family members are on my side, some say i was too harsh, am i the ah in this?
| 20,325 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q8lxmx/aita_for_refusing_to_stop_calling_my_daughter_my/
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2021-10-15 10:53:12
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nta. lol, ignore her. in the future, don't engage, just say "that's ridiculous, i'm not doing that." and move on.
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nta the elderly lady in the post office calls me "my love" all the time 🤣 your sister is nuts
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nta. feel bad for this woman's poor kids! congrats on the baby!
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nta love the come back, she sounds like hard work maybe go lc for peace of mind
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sorry but your dig at her was awesome 🤣🤣🤣
nta
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please don't call your daughter 'sweetheart,' that's what i call my imaginary girlfriend of six weeks, so i'm pretty sure my situation takes precedence. nta.
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nta.
i mean, was it a cheap shot?? maybe. but it sounds like a lot of frustration with her behaviour has just been let go over the years. so i wouldn’t classify it as ah-ish.
what i do think as ah-ish is her thinking she has ownership over a term of endearment.
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nta
you gave her exactly what she wanted. she changed the whole tone of the call to focus on her, made some ridiculous claim so that she could blow up and then storm out of the chat. she even managed to get some people on her side to continue fighting the battle for her and make sure she gets all the attention.
she will be back with some other self serving excuse to grab the spotlight, an what you can do is to absolutely ignore her announcement, her histrionics, her weeping and wailing over some perceived slight. point it out to others, make it a game to see how long it takes during someone else's moment for her to pitch a fit and grab the center of attention.
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siblings like your sister are the reason i'm glad to be an only child.
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good for you! nta! your sister sounds like she's needs professional mental health help
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some background: my (28f) older sister (33f) has a habit of making everything about her, has done our whole lives, we are 2 of 4 siblings (another sister and a brother). for example, my wedding 4 years ago she had a massive fight with significant other and then announced a pregnancy, 2 days later told us it was a false alarm and she was just late, when i announced my pregnancy she announced she had broken up with her significant other, less than a week after i gave birth to my daughter she announced she was engaged (to a different guy, that she has since broken up with as well). she has also done similar with other family members, including her own children. she has 3 children from 2 different dads and has been engaged and broken up with 3 different guys in the last year. we had a family video chat to catch up so everyone could see my daughter (4 months old), no one has had a great deal of face to face contact due to restrictions and distance, some family members have yet to meet her in person. i use lots of nicknames for my daughter, mainly bubble, poppet or a shortened version of her name (think izzy if her name was isabelle), but occasionally use terms of endearment such as, sweetheart, my darling or my love. while on the video chat my sister asked me not to use my love as her new boyfriend calls her that, she's been 'talking to him' for about a month and is now apparently moving in next week. i apologised and said i wouldn't use it around her, thinking this was reasonable. she said no, i had to never use it again, i wasn't allowed to call my daughter that and she found it really inappropriate as it really should just be used in a romantic setting. this confused me and i refused, i said i could call my daughter whatever i pleased and i would simply avoid using the term in front of her. she got very defensive and went on to insult my parenting skills. here is where i may be the ah, i told her, just because her new guy couldnt remember her name long enough to use it, and chances are none of us would put the effort into learning his, doesn't mean i need to change what i call my daughter. she flipped out and left the call, some family members are on my side, some say i was too harsh, am i the ah in this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some background: my (28f) older sister (33f) has a habit of making everything about her, has done our whole lives, we are 2 of 4 siblings (another sister and a brother). for example, my wedding 4 years ago she had a massive fight with significant other and then announced a pregnancy, 2 days later told us it was a false alarm and she was just late, when i announced my pregnancy she announced she had broken up with her significant other, less than a week after i gave birth to my daughter she announced she was engaged (to a different guy, that she has since broken up with as well). she has also done similar with other family members, including her own children. she has 3 children from 2 different dads and has been engaged and broken up with 3 different guys in the last year. we had a family video chat to catch up so everyone could see my daughter (4 months old), no one has had a great deal of face to face contact due to restrictions and distance, some family members have yet to meet her in person. i use lots of nicknames for my daughter, mainly bubble, poppet or a shortened version of her name (think izzy if her name was isabelle), but occasionally use terms of endearment such as, sweetheart, my darling or my love. while on the video chat my sister asked me not to use my love as her new boyfriend calls her that, she's been 'talking to him' for about a month and is now apparently moving in next week. i apologised and said i wouldn't use it around her, thinking this was reasonable. she said no, i had to never use it again, i wasn't allowed to call my daughter that and she found it really inappropriate as it really should just be used in a romantic setting. this confused me and i refused, i said i could call my daughter whatever i pleased and i would simply avoid using the term in front of her. she got very defensive and went on to insult my parenting skills. here is where i may be the ah, i told her, just because her new guy couldnt remember her name long enough to use it, and chances are none of us would put the effort into learning his, doesn't mean i need to change what i call my daughter. she flipped out and left the call, some family members are on my side, some say i was too harsh, am i the ah in this? [/INST] nta. lol, ignore her. in the future, don't engage, just say "that's ridiculous, i'm not doing that." and move on. </s>
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AITA for telling my dad I hate my step siblings after they knocked over my dead mom’s urn?
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backstory:my mom died when i was like 4 and my dad remarried when i was 6. my step mom is alright and i don't have any problems with her. she had 3 kids from a previous marriage, an 18yo girl 17yo boy and 15yo girl, i am 18 so i'm the same age as the oldest, but i'm older by a couple months. at first when we all moved it i was happy to have siblings, but the feeling wasn't mutual at all and they excluded me a lot from things. saying that i'm "not one of them" and other crap like that. me and the 17yo fought a lot like almost daily, nothing too bad just dumb kid stuff. our parents nipped that in the bud but arguments with him were daily till i was like 13 and just gave up. the 18yo hates me, cause of me and her brother fighting a lot and same with the 15yo. my dad and step mom tried to make us all one blended family but it just didn't work, i was open to it but they were intent on just blocking me out. around 12 i just stopped trying and did my own thing, i have absolutely 0 relationship or attachment with any of them.
main problem: i was away at a friends house and i forgot to lock the door to my room. my step siblings have had a problem with going into my room cause i keep my stuff organized and i’m the only one with a tv in my room (i paid for it). and they watch tv, i usually just let them to avoid talking to them. i have a mini memorial of my mom in my room that has a plaque of my mom and her urn. it’s not much but i like it, i guess all 3 were watching tv and somehow my urn got knocked over.........a lot of the ash is now in my carpet and now it’s basically just an empty thing. when i got home i flipped my shit, it got bad enough that my dad came into my room and sent them out. when i told him what happened he said that he’s sorry and that he will talk to him. (this is where i may be the ah) my dad said something about never being too mad at “family”. i had enough and told him exactly this “they aren’t my family, they have made home life shit for years and now knocked over the ashes of my mom. i fucking hate them.” he went quiet and didn’t say anything and just left my room.
my step siblings haven’t apologized (not that i’d accept anything they say). i feel bad what i said to my dad but i don’t regret a word of what i said. aita?
| 21,848 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6xtoi/aita_for_telling_my_dad_i_hate_my_step_siblings/
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2020-02-20 19:01:15
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nta. i hate them after reading this.
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nta. all of them are old enough to know how important your mother's ashes are. their lack of remorse is unforgivable.
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nta.
if the urn just overturned, here's what you do. get the vacuum. if it's a bagged one, get a new bag and replace it. vacuum mom up, with a bit of a laugh to your mom who would no doubt find it humorous that this may be one of the few ways to get you to vacuum willingly and carefully. transfer contents of bag back to urn with a bit of a loving tap.
if it's bagless, empty, wipe the container out with a damp paper towel, dry it, and do the same with vacuuming up mom.
or ask dad to buy you a brand-new dustbuster unused so you can get mom up and transfer her back to her urn without contaminating more than necessary. the cost can be taken from your step-siblings allowances.
and look into [museum putty](https://www.amazon.com/dp/b01gegxp0k/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_ibutebby0y1j6) for moms urn.
hugs. that would definitely be stressful. i hope when you are a little older you'll see the humor. i bet your mom would, especially if you are a teen with the typically messy room.
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nta
not even gonna go with a different vote, you are straight up nta and those three are monumentally ahs. after years of trying on your end, there isn't any reason to bother liking them or trying to be civil to them, they don't care about you and there is no reason for you to care about them, not even for your father.
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nta, dude you gotta gtfo out of there if you can. your dad clearly doesn’t respect your wishes and your health really is taking a toll when you need to ask such a frivolous question like this. under no circumstances is this shit justifiable. the fact that your dad wrote off what they did based off his reaction shows just how little he cares in the long run, if you can tell your step-mother, tell her immediately because there is no excuse do something as hurtful as this.
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nta, your step siblings have no respect for you, they went into your room without permission and desecrated your mother’s ashes.
and your father is tone deaf for telling you to not get mad.
i’m sorry for what happened, it can’t be undone. i just hope they didn’t do it on purpose.
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ugh, i hate them for you. this physically hurt to read. nta. i'm sorry this happened to you.
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nta - vacuum up the ash as best you can and contact me. i know a glass blower who can encase the ashes in glass to make them a pendant or ornament for you. any dirt from the carpet would burn away but your moms ashes will stay.
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nta. i think you were just upset (rightfully so) and had an outburst. you did it directly to your dad which is probably better than to your step siblings honestly.
hopefully you can reestablish the memorial for your mom.
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nta. your dad...is something else. this has been going on for 12 years, and he is still clinging onto to the hope of a "brady bunch" type family, making him a fool. knocking over your late mother's urn is just completely unforgivable.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory:my mom died when i was like 4 and my dad remarried when i was 6. my step mom is alright and i don't have any problems with her. she had 3 kids from a previous marriage, an 18yo girl 17yo boy and 15yo girl, i am 18 so i'm the same age as the oldest, but i'm older by a couple months. at first when we all moved it i was happy to have siblings, but the feeling wasn't mutual at all and they excluded me a lot from things. saying that i'm "not one of them" and other crap like that. me and the 17yo fought a lot like almost daily, nothing too bad just dumb kid stuff. our parents nipped that in the bud but arguments with him were daily till i was like 13 and just gave up. the 18yo hates me, cause of me and her brother fighting a lot and same with the 15yo. my dad and step mom tried to make us all one blended family but it just didn't work, i was open to it but they were intent on just blocking me out. around 12 i just stopped trying and did my own thing, i have absolutely 0 relationship or attachment with any of them. main problem: i was away at a friends house and i forgot to lock the door to my room. my step siblings have had a problem with going into my room cause i keep my stuff organized and i’m the only one with a tv in my room (i paid for it). and they watch tv, i usually just let them to avoid talking to them. i have a mini memorial of my mom in my room that has a plaque of my mom and her urn. it’s not much but i like it, i guess all 3 were watching tv and somehow my urn got knocked over.........a lot of the ash is now in my carpet and now it’s basically just an empty thing. when i got home i flipped my shit, it got bad enough that my dad came into my room and sent them out. when i told him what happened he said that he’s sorry and that he will talk to him. (this is where i may be the ah) my dad said something about never being too mad at “family”. i had enough and told him exactly this “they aren’t my family, they have made home life shit for years and now knocked over the ashes of my mom. i fucking hate them.” he went quiet and didn’t say anything and just left my room. my step siblings haven’t apologized (not that i’d accept anything they say). i feel bad what i said to my dad but i don’t regret a word of what i said. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory:my mom died when i was like 4 and my dad remarried when i was 6. my step mom is alright and i don't have any problems with her. she had 3 kids from a previous marriage, an 18yo girl 17yo boy and 15yo girl, i am 18 so i'm the same age as the oldest, but i'm older by a couple months. at first when we all moved it i was happy to have siblings, but the feeling wasn't mutual at all and they excluded me a lot from things. saying that i'm "not one of them" and other crap like that. me and the 17yo fought a lot like almost daily, nothing too bad just dumb kid stuff. our parents nipped that in the bud but arguments with him were daily till i was like 13 and just gave up. the 18yo hates me, cause of me and her brother fighting a lot and same with the 15yo. my dad and step mom tried to make us all one blended family but it just didn't work, i was open to it but they were intent on just blocking me out. around 12 i just stopped trying and did my own thing, i have absolutely 0 relationship or attachment with any of them. main problem: i was away at a friends house and i forgot to lock the door to my room. my step siblings have had a problem with going into my room cause i keep my stuff organized and i’m the only one with a tv in my room (i paid for it). and they watch tv, i usually just let them to avoid talking to them. i have a mini memorial of my mom in my room that has a plaque of my mom and her urn. it’s not much but i like it, i guess all 3 were watching tv and somehow my urn got knocked over.........a lot of the ash is now in my carpet and now it’s basically just an empty thing. when i got home i flipped my shit, it got bad enough that my dad came into my room and sent them out. when i told him what happened he said that he’s sorry and that he will talk to him. (this is where i may be the ah) my dad said something about never being too mad at “family”. i had enough and told him exactly this “they aren’t my family, they have made home life shit for years and now knocked over the ashes of my mom. i fucking hate them.” he went quiet and didn’t say anything and just left my room. my step siblings haven’t apologized (not that i’d accept anything they say). i feel bad what i said to my dad but i don’t regret a word of what i said. aita? [/INST] nta. i hate them after reading this. </s>
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AITA for calling my brother an “insecure, testicle grabbing, chauvinist man-baby” over his comments about my wife’s makeup?
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that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here.
my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime.
my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit.
anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny.
my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing.
he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned.
i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude.
she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
| 30,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l05log/aita_for_calling_my_brother_an_insecure_testicle/
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2021-01-18 22:33:24
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nta
when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down.
you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up.
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nta. your wife has a creative hobby she's enjoying. we're all just trying to survive this godawful pandemic...
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nta it sounds like you truly love your wife and you appreciate her. make-up absolutely does not indicate she's cheating. it's probably an indication of boredom
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i think you may have been a little sensitive to your brothers comments, but i do commend you for standing up for your wife. is there any possibility your brother may be on the autistic spectrum? i only ask as you said
>my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
i'm no expert by any means, but this does remind me a little of my child.
.
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nta. you’re a good person. i would guess your brother was well-intentioned, but for the wrong reasons. and maybe this name-calling didn’t quite convey to him _why_ what he was saying was wrong. you may need to have a calm heart-to-heart about him minding his own business once you have cooled down about it.
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nta
that's just accurate. he absolutely is a misogynist with weirdo hangups.
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just wanna say i love your attitude. reading your responses to comments saying how you know she does it for herself and not other people makes me so happy because so many men don’t seem to understand that. your brother is an asshole. and you’re a wonderful person :)
nta
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nta at all, and good for you supporting your wife's hobby. we're all going a little nuts thanks to the current state of the world, so if this gives her something to do then... good for her. your brother is an asshole.
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nta
i rarely wear makeup cause i’m a lazy pile of trash. however, for nye i went full glam (or at least what qualifies as full glam for _me_) for our zoom party. and you bet i wore sweatpants and my comfy crocs. but it was so nice to feel beautiful and bring back a little normalcy to life. and my boyfriend loved how i looked and gave me tons of compliments, but he knew it wasn’t for him. it was for me. him liking it is just a happy bonus in my opinion!!
especially after your comment of her doing a drag king with glitter beard look, uh, she’s definitely doing this for fun and to stay sane!! unless she’s ‘cheating’ with a secret lady lover who is into glitter beards? 😂
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nta. i will be using this exact quotation on the next person that chews me out for the way i do my makeup and the stuff i buy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
that’s the actual quote. i’m still pissed as hell but maybe i went too far here. my brother and i are both late 30s. we get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. he says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. he just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. our wives are best friends. they talk almost everyday on facetime. my wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. she’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for christmas and decided she wanted to get more. apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly i don’t know what i’m talking about. she looks great all the time. she’s gorgeous without makeup. she’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. i tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. i think it’s cute and funny. my brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. he called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on facetime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. i tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so i ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. he’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. but i think i might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. i want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): no, i haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and i’m not going to because i think asking is fucking rude. she’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. i’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. it makes her happy so i assume that’s why she’s doing it. asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion. [/INST] nta when i wear makeup, i do it *for me*. no my husband or any other man. me. many women are the same way. your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down. you sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. keep it up. </s>
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AITA For my reaction when I got home and found my 6 months old daughter wearing the same diaper for 9 hours?
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i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc.
i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left.
i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game.
he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later.
his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him".
i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess.
sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
| 24,758 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k97mlg/aita_for_my_reaction_when_i_got_home_and_found_my/
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2020-12-08 16:42:47
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nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door.
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nta, your husband isn’t a competent father and is blaming you for it.
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nta
that's legal neglect, like, "thousands of dollars fine and possible jail time" neglect, not changing an infant's diaper for *nine hours*. either he needs to wake tf up or you should take the kids and go, cause i don't see that behavior changing anytime soon.
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nta. my first thought was to destroy the ps5. but that's really not the issue here. the problem is a father who would allow his screaming child to sit in a soiled diaper for hours on end. the problem is a husband who expects his wife, who works outside the home full-time, to come home and handle 100% of the parenting and household responsibilities. you don't have a partner, you have a third dependant. and an unhygenic one at that.
your husband comitted child neglect, plain and simple. that's the biggest concern here, because of course it is, but there are other problems too. i would not leave the children with him again, and if he didn't want to attend counseling and/or parenting classes, i would be serving him with divorce papers. you deserve a teammate you can depend on. you do not need another person to be responsible for.
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nta - your husband neglected your infant. this is abuse. you can’t trust him with your children on his own, which is absolutely pathetic on his part. if his mom thinks he is incapable of caring for his own children she can either come over and babysit or contribute towards childcare.
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nta. your husband is neglecting your child in favour of video games. ask your mom to babysit again, and tell him he either takes a childcare class and does couple's counseling with you or you're walking.
keep record of this incident in case you do end up visiting the divorce lawyer. if his mom typed any of this out over text or email, hold on to those.
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nta. absolutely inexcusable to leave a child in a soiled diaper for 9+ hours. neglectful. i would walk away from this man. he can’t even be called a man. he is a child. and his mom can take him in if she’s so concerned. you and your children deserve better.
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nta he sounds like he's addicted to his games. and your mil needs to mind her own business. she'd probably be on your side if she got the whole story. yes, he stays up nights to provide for his family. you work just as hard. he also agreed to have children and lives at the house, so he's responsible for childcare and housework too. i'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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nta. however ywbta if you leave your children with him again. what he did is neglect and that’s how cps gets involved. this is a come to jesus moment. if he wants to be trusted to care for the children then they have to come first not dead last. i’m assuming he was able to feed himself and use the restroom throughout the day so he is capable of prioritizing his needs when he recognizes them. he isn’t forgetting your children’s needs he simply isn’t prioritizing them because they aren’t important to him! please do what’s best for your kids. i hope things look up for you op.
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nta.
lol at him running to his mommy to pick on you. what a winner. o\_o
>i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things.
>
>he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to.
too bad. he's negligent. imo, you need to take over and take your kids to your mother's home or wherever there are responsible people.
i'm thinking he doesn't want your mother looking after the kids at your home because he's gaming and doesn't want to be bothered. his actions and reactions prove he's not fit to take care of your young children.
edited to include quote block, typo.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 35-f been busy with work (i'm a nurse) and taking care of my 6 months old baby girl and her 6 years old sister. my husband work night shifts-3 nights a week so he's usually sleeping at home during the day. he got himself a ps5 a month ago. he started spending time playing. he used to handle some of the house chorus now all he does is make excuses of how tired he is and how much he needs sleep. but he'd come home from his shift and starts playing. he drinks a lot of coffee to stay concentrated and awake. also he stopped eating properly. keeps forgetting to do things i ask him to do. like help fix his daughter's toys/take turns in changing diapers etc. i started calling my mom to come help since he's been too busy to do simple things. he didn't like that i asked others for help and said i didn't have to. that he'll start helping again. i actually believed him and left for my 8 hour shift at the hospital and before i left i reminded him of everything he needed to do from feeding/changing diapers/cleaning our daughter's room etc. he said "don't worry about it" and then i left. i called him to check on the kids and he said everything was fine. i came home in the evening and i was shocked to see our 6 months old's bed was put in the living room. her stuff on the couch. while he was playing. she didn't stop crying he said he didn't know what was wrong. turned out he didn't change the diaper after i left. she was wearing the same diaper for 9 hours. he said he forgot but he was busy playing. i immediately took care of her. i knew her rash was going to get worse after that. my 6 year old's hair was a mess he didn't brush her hair. the kitchen was a mess. i was livid kept yelling at him for being neglectful and reckless and literally forgetting about his own kids over a game. he said that i was overreacting and that it was my fault for not reminding him on the phone. i told him it was my fault for leaving the kids with someone who doesn't even brush his teeth. he got offended and left the house minutes later. his mom called me telling me that my husband stayes up at night to make a living for his kids and that i was pressuring him by giving him more than he could handle. i tried to explain but she kept lashing out calling me controlling and said i might be frustrated from my job that's why "i'm taking it out on him". i hung up on her and had to take care of all of that mess. sorry for any mistakes i'm just so exhausted. [/INST] nta if my husband did this him and his ps5 would be out the door. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to give up on her dreams?
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basically, i am a doctor who graduated from one of the top med schools in the country. because of this, i know what it takes to make it as a doctor. my eldest daughter is also on a medical track: she goes to a top 20 school and is excelling. she is a junior, and will probably get into one of the best med schools next year.
my youngest daughter is not like us. for my eldest daughter and i, math and science come more naturally. it’s not something we need to work hard at. my youngest daughter, however, really struggles with these topics. in college, she has to study for her stem classes for hours and hours just to get the average grade at a school that’s not very difficult.
my daughter, to her credit, is a very hard worker and i admire that. however, that hard work could be placed to a field that she can really excel in instead of being a doctor; she will always struggle in med school, but she can take her talents elsewhere and become an amazing law or business major.
the drama is that she called me yesterday and told me she had trouble getting accepted with an internship, and asked if she could work with me this summer. i basically told her she should reconsider the medical professions because she spends all day studying and she is barely average, and i don’t think she can succeed as a doctor. but i reassured her that it’s okay and she can find something else to shine in. on the phone she was really quiet, and i ended the phone call with “i love you”. after this, i have my eldest daughter, ex-husband, mother, and siblings spamming me and telling me to apologize. youngest won’t even pick up the phone.
i understand that her feelings may have been hurt and while that’s valid, i think tough love will help her in the future. for example, it may have hurt her feelings when she was younger because i wouldn’t let her eat cookies for dinner, but as a parent you need to protect your children, even when it hurts them in the short term.
tl;dr: told daughter she won’t succeed as a doctor, now everyone is mad. aita?
| 5,147 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b4wy7h/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_give_up_on_her/
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2019-03-24 14:32:34
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yta
come on dude, is she passing her classes? then let her at least try, without shitting on her.
i'm sure you've heard the joke, you know what they call the person that finishes last in medical school? doctor.
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yta. sounds like you're holding her against a standard set by yourself and the golden child. as a struggling student who is the younger brother of a prodigy, this kind of stuff really sucks for her. she's a hard worker which is what counts, and if she really can't succeed in this field she needs to figure it out for herself. she's not going to accept that just because you think it. i would be supportive of her while she figures out what's she doing in this part of her life.
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yta. as a mother you should support your children regardless of the difficulties they are faced with. who’s to say she won’t reach the same goal but just face some more obstacles? apologize and try to be a better person going forward.
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yta - i don't really understand your problem here.
so she struggles? oh. ok. lots of people do. but here you have a kid who is so damned hard-working and determined that she's doing it. why are you acting like you're ashamed of her?
why are you getting in her way instead of helping her achieve her goals?
take. your. daughter. to. work.
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nah: med school is tough, the job is even worse. you need to have certain personality traits and a certain level of intelligence to excel at it. maybe she just doesn't have what it takes (and i don't mean that she is in any way worse than your other child or you).
yta: my only issue is, why did you tell her that on the phone? you should've talked to her in person and explain why you think she should do something else. maybe she struggles because it's not really what she wants to do. is being a doctor her dream/plan? or is it just because a big part of her family followed this path? what are her other options? you just dumped your opinion onto her without following up or showing an alternative.
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yta. based on everyone's reactions it sounds like you really mishandled that conversation.
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yta. maybe she'll fail but she needs to have that experience on her own, not by having her mother put her down and saying she isn't good enough, because that's probably what it feels like to her. you're not protecting her, you're hurting your relationship with her.
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nah. this one is tough. you're not being malicious. you're her mother and you've grown up with her for two decades.
pre-med is brutal, medical school is even worst, and residency is hell. if she's struggling now, it'll only get worst. i don't think entertaining other career options is a horrible idea.
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nta
we live in a culture that places a lot of emphasis on the importance of "never giving up" and "pursuing your dreams."
the problem is that while this can produce cinderalla stories about inspiring ceos who rose from nothing, tons of the time it's toxic and harmful and causes people to endure stress and suffering of their own design. a lot more people burnout and die of ods and suicide trying to become big hollywood stars or famous musicians than actually succeed at those tasks (and of course lots of them then do those things even when they *do* succeed in becoming famous.)
twice in my life i have given up on dreams that i had spent years on and untold sweat and blood and passion, dreams i really wanted to pursue.
they were probably the best two decisions of my life.
there's absolutely nothing wrong with giving up on a dream, sometimes it's completely necessary. the reality is that no one is suited to be a success in every possible field.
that doesn't mean you can't walk away with valuable lessons and experiences from that effort. i wanted to be a professional chef and then a soldier. those dreams went up in smoke but i learned a lot along the way that i bring with me now as a teacher, a job that i've found i *am* actually good at and suited for.
you won't get a ton of support for it in this thread or rl, probably; "pursue your dreams no matter what" is just catchier on a motivational poster and makes people feel good to say.
but you're doing the right thing and giving your daughter the advice that will actually help her in life, and that's worth putting up with people thinking you're an asshole.
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esh. let me start by say that i kinda share you're daughter's story in that, growing up in the 80's, i would've been labeled an "at risk" teen. i smoked weed, was in trouble a lot, long hair, dirty denim jacket with rack band patches on them, etc. my grades weren't exactly stellar. that said, today i'm a professionally licensed electrical engineer. not something i ever thought i would be doing. i joined the navy out of hs, then went to trade school after that, and eventually college.
i guess what i'm saying is that you never know where life will take you. that said, as a realist, i get where you're coming from. she's struggling like hell in what you or i would consider "basic" courses and you see the writing on the wall. rather than see her put in all that time and effort for what will likely not be a good turn out, steer her towards her strengths.
i guess my question is this: are you the type of parent that has hyped up med school to the point she'll feel like a failure if she doesn't meet your expectations? are you "that type" of parent? if so, then of course she's gonna be resentful of this recommendation. otoh, maybe she's very driven and wants to be a doc. idk. if that's the case, i really don't blame you per-sie. i guess it's gonna take a lot of reflection and honesty on her part.
that said, as i'm sure you're aware...school isn't necessarily an indicator if someone will be good at something. remember...einstein couldn't balance a checkbook.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.228883 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically, i am a doctor who graduated from one of the top med schools in the country. because of this, i know what it takes to make it as a doctor. my eldest daughter is also on a medical track: she goes to a top 20 school and is excelling. she is a junior, and will probably get into one of the best med schools next year. my youngest daughter is not like us. for my eldest daughter and i, math and science come more naturally. it’s not something we need to work hard at. my youngest daughter, however, really struggles with these topics. in college, she has to study for her stem classes for hours and hours just to get the average grade at a school that’s not very difficult. my daughter, to her credit, is a very hard worker and i admire that. however, that hard work could be placed to a field that she can really excel in instead of being a doctor; she will always struggle in med school, but she can take her talents elsewhere and become an amazing law or business major. the drama is that she called me yesterday and told me she had trouble getting accepted with an internship, and asked if she could work with me this summer. i basically told her she should reconsider the medical professions because she spends all day studying and she is barely average, and i don’t think she can succeed as a doctor. but i reassured her that it’s okay and she can find something else to shine in. on the phone she was really quiet, and i ended the phone call with “i love you”. after this, i have my eldest daughter, ex-husband, mother, and siblings spamming me and telling me to apologize. youngest won’t even pick up the phone. i understand that her feelings may have been hurt and while that’s valid, i think tough love will help her in the future. for example, it may have hurt her feelings when she was younger because i wouldn’t let her eat cookies for dinner, but as a parent you need to protect your children, even when it hurts them in the short term. tl;dr: told daughter she won’t succeed as a doctor, now everyone is mad. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically, i am a doctor who graduated from one of the top med schools in the country. because of this, i know what it takes to make it as a doctor. my eldest daughter is also on a medical track: she goes to a top 20 school and is excelling. she is a junior, and will probably get into one of the best med schools next year. my youngest daughter is not like us. for my eldest daughter and i, math and science come more naturally. it’s not something we need to work hard at. my youngest daughter, however, really struggles with these topics. in college, she has to study for her stem classes for hours and hours just to get the average grade at a school that’s not very difficult. my daughter, to her credit, is a very hard worker and i admire that. however, that hard work could be placed to a field that she can really excel in instead of being a doctor; she will always struggle in med school, but she can take her talents elsewhere and become an amazing law or business major. the drama is that she called me yesterday and told me she had trouble getting accepted with an internship, and asked if she could work with me this summer. i basically told her she should reconsider the medical professions because she spends all day studying and she is barely average, and i don’t think she can succeed as a doctor. but i reassured her that it’s okay and she can find something else to shine in. on the phone she was really quiet, and i ended the phone call with “i love you”. after this, i have my eldest daughter, ex-husband, mother, and siblings spamming me and telling me to apologize. youngest won’t even pick up the phone. i understand that her feelings may have been hurt and while that’s valid, i think tough love will help her in the future. for example, it may have hurt her feelings when she was younger because i wouldn’t let her eat cookies for dinner, but as a parent you need to protect your children, even when it hurts them in the short term. tl;dr: told daughter she won’t succeed as a doctor, now everyone is mad. aita? [/INST] yta come on dude, is she passing her classes? then let her at least try, without shitting on her. i'm sure you've heard the joke, you know what they call the person that finishes last in medical school? doctor. </s>
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AITA for turning the home I inherited into an Airbnb? My sister thought it would be a “family home” forever.
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i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m
i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time.
my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here?
| 27,515 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cevstm/aita_for_turning_the_home_i_inherited_into_an/
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2019-07-18 17:52:08
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nta.
she's welcome to either rent it or buy it off you with that 500k she now has.
she even had the option to pick it and she herself thinks money is more important.
of course you're feeling guilty, that's what a guilt trip is supposed to do to it's victim!
your sister is 100000000000000000000000% in the wrong here.
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.... so nta - your sister had a choice whether to take the house or the money and she had a choice how to handle her money (half a million in debts, how'd she do that???)
you have done nothing wrong, and better it be an airbnb than it be lost to the family forever because you can't keep it due to the taxes. tell your sister to take a hike, and that you expect her to share anything she bought with her 500k with you if she thinks she still deserves free access to the house.
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nta. did you tell her you can't afford to keep the house unless you do this? i think she is being selfish. you didn't get to choose what you wanted, so she got 500k cash and you got a home. it's not your fault she already used all the money.
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> she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want.
if she really had half a million in debt she wouldn't have been able to keep the house long enough for you to stay over.
> i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me
well don't; you've done nothing wrong and she's just upset you putting the house up on airbnb is inconveniencing her.
nta.
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**nta**
you all got your share of the assets. its *yours*, not the families. your share of the assets, however, has some costs that you have to bear. if that asset has the ability to generate some income to cover those costs, great. if it has the ability to generate income to cover those costs and more, even better.
if she doesn't like the idea, then you should offer to let her buy a portion of the house (and take responsibility to pay some of those costs) and she would then have a say in how the house is used.
i think the real issue here is that she's pissed you're going to have an income stream in the future and she's got nothing. what she doesn't understand is that her "income stream" is the money that she would have been paying towards her debts that were erased with her inheritance. she took the immediate benefit. you got one that provides a long-term benefit.
no, you're not the asshole. she is.
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nta. she should have chosen the house.
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nta. your sister is an idiot for calling you "a rent seeking capitalist", does she think property taxes pay themselves?
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nta... dude. your sister and cousin each got 500k, and they want you to spend money so they can have a vacation home as your share of the estate? that's absurd. don't listen to your sister.
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so the sister calculated that if she took the money instead of the house, she'd have the money and the house whenever she wanted. and now she's upset that she's only going to have access to the house sometimes.
it's your house, just like the other inheritance was her money. unless you demanded unlimited use of her money, she's just being pissy.
also, being upset that her inheritance is gone but you still have yours has to be the worst argument i've ever heard. she could have invested the money...or bought a beach house.
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nta property taxes are no joke. if she was so concerned about the house, she had her chance to claim it. she didn't. do not let your older siblings shame you for doing as you want with your inheritance. honestly, she sounds pretty toxic.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time. my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i will try to keep it very short so as to not bore anyone. about six months or so ago my grandpa died. for simplicity sake, let’s say hi estate is worth about $1.5 million. in his will he said that me, my sister and my cousin each get 1/3 share. his estate was basically two cash amounts and the other share was his beach home in california. basically the oldest got to pick which they wanted, the second oldest and the youngest which was me. m i got the beach house, my sister and cousin got $500k. for the last six months i’ve allowed my sister to stay in the house whenever she likes but i just got my first tax bill and i either have to sell it or start making some income off it. after talking to the real estate agent i’ve decided the best course of action is to put it on airbnb. that way i can still use it if i like, but sister can pay me to use it if she still wants to go there, basically there’s not someone renting full-time. my sister is furious with me for so many reasons, first of all i know she’s upset because she can no longer use the house for free. but she’s also telling me that i basically becoming a rent seeking capitalist who is going to ruin the neighborhood which has been a total classic surf neighborhood since the 1950s. she has written me angry email after angry email after angry email calling me all sorts of names. she also says it’s not fair because her inheritance is gone for her debts but i still make money from mine, and that if she had chose the house i could stay there any time i want. she’s my older sister and i’ve always been impressionable to the things she says to me and i’m feeling a lot of guilt and shame for what she told me. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. she's welcome to either rent it or buy it off you with that 500k she now has. she even had the option to pick it and she herself thinks money is more important. of course you're feeling guilty, that's what a guilt trip is supposed to do to it's victim! your sister is 100000000000000000000000% in the wrong here. </s>
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WIBTA if I record the audio of my neighbours having sex and play it back to them?
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my neighbours are often super loud, blasting music at 2am, yelling, blaring the tv. i’ve gone round various times politely asking if they could be quieter. we have concrete walls and carpet, so for sound to get through they really have to be loud, which they are. they also periodically have loud sex, with the woman screeching. it’s actually turning me off sex. i find them insufferable.
as petty revenge, i’m considering recording them having sex and playing it back to them through the walls whenever they’re loud, instead of going round to politely request they stfu at 3am. i feel they know i’m mild-mannered, and they’re taking advantage - that since i’m not a tough guy or something (i’m a young woman), they don’t care.
i’m in australia, and i’m pretty sure that kind of recording is legal here.
wibta?
| 22,686 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cowczz/wibta_if_i_record_the_audio_of_my_neighbours/
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2019-08-11 12:50:41
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nta
everytime they are loud, record it to have prove.
but also go to their door and press the bell. press it like ding ...... ding ...... ding ...... ding ..... and so on until they are annoyed as fuck an open the door. and just say "hey i heard loud noises is everyrhing ok?" play the dumb.
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nta - i'd just go round and interupt them everytime they are having sex
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esh. recording them having sex, then playing it back through the wall is petty and gross. complain to your management company.
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esh (edited to change from you're the asshole, because they're definitely assholes too)
just complain to the cops. noise laws exist for a reason. cops exist for a reason. don't involve yourself in "petty revenge" when there are systems and people in place to stop you from pissing off the wrong person and getting yourself beat the fuck up.
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maybe you'd be an asshole, i'd do it anyway though, that'd be hilarious!
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seeing as how you went and told them to tone it down various times i'd have to say you would be a justified asshole. and a hilarious one at that. if i was their neighbor i'd find the loudest porn possible and blast it through a full volume dolby home theater.
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yes yta (but esh, probably)
you should approach this through the proper authorities, like a mature adult. if you are both tenants, file a complaint with the property manager. if that’s not the case, can you call the police? or some other sort of mature escalation of this issue?
recording them will not do anything but enrage them and then do you think they’ll be quieter, or louder? pick your battles wisely. solve your problems, don’t make them bigger problems.
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esh that being said, i understand the temptation. we had neighbours that had loud sex at all hours. one summer day, we and obviously they, had the windows open and the loud sex noises began. my husband called me to the window and said loudly "hey listen to this! she sounds like a cat in heat and he sounds like a moose!" we heard the window slide shut and they never bothered us again.
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you're too nice. call the cops every time they break the laws on loud noises (there have to be laws about this, it's likely around 10pm-7am). recording them having sex is weird, just be a nuisance in another, almost more petty way, by sending a cop to their door every night.
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nta
it would work but it could give them a way to be self-righteous victims about it all. an alternative would be to just find a super raunchy vid on a free porn site with some hella loud gross stuff and play it loudly at them instead while they're doing it.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| null | null |
YTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.707603 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my neighbours are often super loud, blasting music at 2am, yelling, blaring the tv. i’ve gone round various times politely asking if they could be quieter. we have concrete walls and carpet, so for sound to get through they really have to be loud, which they are. they also periodically have loud sex, with the woman screeching. it’s actually turning me off sex. i find them insufferable. as petty revenge, i’m considering recording them having sex and playing it back to them through the walls whenever they’re loud, instead of going round to politely request they stfu at 3am. i feel they know i’m mild-mannered, and they’re taking advantage - that since i’m not a tough guy or something (i’m a young woman), they don’t care. i’m in australia, and i’m pretty sure that kind of recording is legal here. wibta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my neighbours are often super loud, blasting music at 2am, yelling, blaring the tv. i’ve gone round various times politely asking if they could be quieter. we have concrete walls and carpet, so for sound to get through they really have to be loud, which they are. they also periodically have loud sex, with the woman screeching. it’s actually turning me off sex. i find them insufferable. as petty revenge, i’m considering recording them having sex and playing it back to them through the walls whenever they’re loud, instead of going round to politely request they stfu at 3am. i feel they know i’m mild-mannered, and they’re taking advantage - that since i’m not a tough guy or something (i’m a young woman), they don’t care. i’m in australia, and i’m pretty sure that kind of recording is legal here. wibta? [/INST] nta everytime they are loud, record it to have prove. but also go to their door and press the bell. press it like ding ...... ding ...... ding ...... ding ..... and so on until they are annoyed as fuck an open the door. and just say "hey i heard loud noises is everyrhing ok?" play the dumb. </s>
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AITA for not telling my wife my family doesn't like her?
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i've been married to my wife for the past year three years and dated her for five before that. she's extremely family orientated. she loves family and being with family. her picture of a refreshing day is spending the day with family members. since her mother died pretty young, she became really attached to my mother who likes to baby my siblings and i. she feels like the two of them have a special relationship and she loves it.
problem is, my mother doesn't like her. nor does my father. i think they're just really hung up on my previous girlfriend who they were really rooting for. they aren't outright rude to her face and try to be friendly but they can be a bit off behind her back. one example would be their nickname for her which is fiona. obviously she loves it and sees it as something sentimental but it's actually just a reference to shrek(only found out last year).
today i was on a call with them and my mom asked how fiona was. i shouted at her to stop using that name (spoken about it before) and warned her against calling her that. my wife overheard the conversation and asked me why i was so upset over it. eventually i told her the truth and she understandably was angry. i gave her space and she called her dad. i didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation but she did call me an asshole.
i understand that she's upset and rightfully so but to be honest i'm struggling to see the wrong in me lying to her about this. she was happy in the ignorance of what was going on, my kids were happy with their grandparents in their lives and i was happy keeping the peace. aita?
| 5,448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gqaxdm/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_my_family_doesnt/
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2020-05-25 13:25:51
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yta. instead of confronting, a small, difficult problem early on, you allowed your girlfriend then wife to build a strong love for your parents. imagine the betrayal she must feel.
betrayal from your parents, but also betrayal from you. you, her husband, knowingly allowed her to play the fool for years.
your parents are assholes for being two-faced as well.
you had good intentions, but you done fucked up.
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yta. i understand you're trying not to hurt your wife's feelings but she's an adult and if people are being mean about her behind her back and you're aware of it, you should let her know what's happening while also telling off or even going low contact with those people who are being rude. you can't play it both ways. your parents need to know their comments are mean and hurtful and they need to face consequences of their actions, if they don't, they won't ever stop. put an end to this and be more honest with your wife.
edit for typos and also to add-- what's going to happen when your kids get older, are they going to join in with their grandparents in making fun of their mom? this is a messed up situation. tell your wife.
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esh except your wife. your parents sound awful. who cares about an ex you had over 8 years ago. you suck for letting this go on for as long as you did! if i was your wife i’d be absolutely heartbroken.
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just...wow. incredible.
you mean to tell me that you love your wife? how do you sleep at night knowing they trash talk her to no end while she is under the impression of being part of a loving family?
yta - a massive one.
please send your wife to r/justnomil
she will need their support.
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wow, your family sound like assholes. at least you are defending her, which is more than can be said for others.
unfortunately, despite your best intentions, there shouldn't be any big secrets like this in your marriage. you should have told your wife about this from the start - i imagine it's quite embarrassing for her to have loved and appreciated this nickname as a sign she is accepted in the family, when it was only ever intended to mock her.
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yta... your poor wife. how would you feel if everyone around you was in on some stupid joke making fun of you? and your wife kept it secret? you would probably feel hurt.
your wife deserves honesty and you lied to her. she has the ability to make her own decisions about your family and you took that choice from her.
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i was really feeling for you and believed you had her best interest at heart until this: "my kids were happy with their grandparents in their lives and i was happy keeping the peace." that right there let's me know it was more about appeasing your parents rather than protecting your wife's feelings.
you should have sat your parents down, shamed the heck out of them for disparaging your sweet loving wife and thrown in how lucky they are that she wants to be part of their family instead of like some women who separated their husbands from their family, and then hit them with a "until you respect my wife, you will not be seeing our kids since they are half her."
yta.
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yta. you let your wife be the butt of your family's joke for years, and she probably feels humiliated.
it's one thing to not tell her something hurtful that can't impact her anymore, but she regularly sees and talks to these people. your family disrespects your wife and you let it happen.
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yta. jesus....she's humiliated, hurt, and devastated that the family she thought she was a part of is a big fat lie because your parents are hung up on some other chick? be prepared for her to never want to be around them again. shame on them for making her the butt of jokes and derogatory remarks.
my marriage was similar to this. i loved his parents and would bend over backwards to accommodate them with whatever. then i realized what his parents were like. assholes. huge assholes in part due to the way his mom would talk shit behind peoples back and about the other spouses and bash one sibling to the other. my ex barely stood up for me.
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yta for allowing this to go on this long. i understand wanting to protect her feelings, but imagine how she must feel. she thought she had a good relationship with your family and they've been mocking her the whole time. your family's treatment of her is shameful.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been married to my wife for the past year three years and dated her for five before that. she's extremely family orientated. she loves family and being with family. her picture of a refreshing day is spending the day with family members. since her mother died pretty young, she became really attached to my mother who likes to baby my siblings and i. she feels like the two of them have a special relationship and she loves it. problem is, my mother doesn't like her. nor does my father. i think they're just really hung up on my previous girlfriend who they were really rooting for. they aren't outright rude to her face and try to be friendly but they can be a bit off behind her back. one example would be their nickname for her which is fiona. obviously she loves it and sees it as something sentimental but it's actually just a reference to shrek(only found out last year). today i was on a call with them and my mom asked how fiona was. i shouted at her to stop using that name (spoken about it before) and warned her against calling her that. my wife overheard the conversation and asked me why i was so upset over it. eventually i told her the truth and she understandably was angry. i gave her space and she called her dad. i didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation but she did call me an asshole. i understand that she's upset and rightfully so but to be honest i'm struggling to see the wrong in me lying to her about this. she was happy in the ignorance of what was going on, my kids were happy with their grandparents in their lives and i was happy keeping the peace. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been married to my wife for the past year three years and dated her for five before that. she's extremely family orientated. she loves family and being with family. her picture of a refreshing day is spending the day with family members. since her mother died pretty young, she became really attached to my mother who likes to baby my siblings and i. she feels like the two of them have a special relationship and she loves it. problem is, my mother doesn't like her. nor does my father. i think they're just really hung up on my previous girlfriend who they were really rooting for. they aren't outright rude to her face and try to be friendly but they can be a bit off behind her back. one example would be their nickname for her which is fiona. obviously she loves it and sees it as something sentimental but it's actually just a reference to shrek(only found out last year). today i was on a call with them and my mom asked how fiona was. i shouted at her to stop using that name (spoken about it before) and warned her against calling her that. my wife overheard the conversation and asked me why i was so upset over it. eventually i told her the truth and she understandably was angry. i gave her space and she called her dad. i didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation but she did call me an asshole. i understand that she's upset and rightfully so but to be honest i'm struggling to see the wrong in me lying to her about this. she was happy in the ignorance of what was going on, my kids were happy with their grandparents in their lives and i was happy keeping the peace. aita? [/INST] yta. instead of confronting, a small, difficult problem early on, you allowed your girlfriend then wife to build a strong love for your parents. imagine the betrayal she must feel. betrayal from your parents, but also betrayal from you. you, her husband, knowingly allowed her to play the fool for years. your parents are assholes for being two-faced as well. you had good intentions, but you done fucked up. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter that her not wanting kids is why I wanted to have more children
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i (42 f) was a teen mom, i got married only a few weeks after i turned 18 and i gave birth to my daughter kiara (24 f) the week before i was 19. i was a baby myself and i resented my circumstances, especially after my husband died. the only light in my life was kiara at that time. it was me and her against the world.
when kiara was 13, she told me she didn't want to have kids because she was scared they'd have a childhood like her. that hurt me but it's her choice and i told her so. i started taking her to an afterschool sex ed class (her school didn't offer one) so she could learn how to be safe so she wouldn't be in a similar circumstance to me. she repeated the sentiment over the years even though she knew i didn't like hearing it. but that's ok, it's her choice. nobody will force her.
i got remarried the year kiara graduated and my husband and i have been trying to have more kids. a few months ago, i found kiara crying really badly in her room and she told me she was pregnant by her fiancee. she told me it happened because she stopped taking her birth control. i know she didn't want kids so i offered to take her to the clinic but she just got more upset. i offered to take her to see a psychologist cause she was so sad but she refused. she was insistent on keeping the baby even though she admitted that she still didn't want kids and did not feel forced by her fiancee. so my husband and i decided to help her instead of having our own kids (i don't want a baby and grandbaby of the same age or a grandbaby older than my baby).
her pregnancy was terrible on her and she told me many times this is also why she never wanted kids. a month ago, kiara had a really bad argument with her fiancee and they broke up. then a week ago, she miscarried. she's been inconsolable and i know exactly how she feels i've been had a miscarriage twice. i've stayed by her side and taken time off work to do so. i've been very sad too because it hurts to see my baby in so much pain and not being able to help but i've been holding in all my own feelings because they're not important right now.
then yesterday during breakfast she asked me if my husband and i were going to have kids now that she was never going to. i was taken aback by and i tried not to answer it because i don't know. she kept pressuring me and i cracked and admitted the only reason i ever wanted to have more kids because she never wanted kids and i wished she did want them. kiara said some very nasty things and called me an asshole. i've felt so terrible i said that to her during such a bad time in her life but i've also never lied to her and i don't know what she was expecting me to say. my husband assured me i just had a stress break and i feel like he's right but kiara didn't say a word to me over breakfast today.
| 4,568 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rhv6cx/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_her_not_wanting/
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2021-12-16 17:10:27
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yta - either you want more children or you don’t. your reproducing should not be dependent on her choice not to, or down the road changing her mind and deciding to. intentional or not this entire scenario screams of emotional manipulation. stop talking about either of your reproductive choices. decide with your husband what you two want as a couple and make that choice outside of your daughter.
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nta
this is a delicate situation, because you have your own personal desires of having grandchildren and she doesn't want her own kids. in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to have more children in order to raise the likelihood of having a large family. the important thing is that you never put the pressure on kiara to fulfill that desire for you. that's a+
kiara pressuring you to talk about your personal aspirations in regard to pregnancy/child rearing when she was feeling emotionally volatile was a poor choice on her end. it's not like you were going and telling her all of your plans while she was mourning. she pushed you to talk about it and then lashed out when you were honest.
so, because you were not pushing for kiara to have children so your dreams of a large family could be fulfilled, and because you kept your plans to yourself while she was having a hard time, i don't think this is really your fault. it's your prerogative to have more kids if you're not done having children around. if she's upset by that, she needs to talk to a professional about her feelings and how to cope with them, not get mad at you for living your own life how you want to
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my husband agreed with me that we wouldn't have kids if she was going to. it may not sound odd to you but having children the same age as grandchildren is weird to me and i do not want to take attention away from my daughter if she is a mother. i would rather be there for her than focus on myself. and i have never tried to manipulate her into having children, i know she doesn't want them and that is fine, it is her choice.
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i’m gonna say nah. you’re both stressed out and maybe said things a little harsher then you both meant. take a bit to breathe and offer an apology when she’s ready to talk.
i wish you both the best
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nta
she asked, she got an honest answer.
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nta because it’s not like you were blaming her. and she asked. and prodded. but…
i don’t understand what her not wanting kids has to do with you having kids? like… how does that make you want kids? for context i have a 23 yr old daughter who is also unabashedly child free (she says it’s because we have adhd and autism and a weird eye disorder in our genes) and i’m 46… and her childfree status has never remotely impacted my interest in having kids.
i’m also super confused as to why kiera wanted to keep the baby at all, or why on earth she stopped birth control if she didn’t want to have a baby. she sounds extremely confused and could likely use some counseling. i just don’t predict good things for her without it.
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it really seems like there's always a least one person who projects their own bs onto posts. how in the hell are you getting emotional manipulation out of this? op didn't even want to talk about if she wanted kids or not. the daughter forced it out of her. and newsflash to you: grandparents are able to greatly enjoy having grandchildren. it isn't any form of manipulation to make peace with not having any more kids if you have a grandchild. and a big ol' f u to everyone in this thread that thinks single mothers and fathers that live paycheck to paycheck are inherently bad parents.
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this is a weird ass situation, honestly. is the only reason you wanted to have more kids because you wanted something little to take care of and raise (like, say, a grandkid) and your child ended up not wanting to produce one of those? and then when she ended up changing her mind because circumstances, you changed yours so that you would have the capacity to raise her kid with her? and then miscarriage left you in a grey area because you don't really have the conviction you had before?
i'm sure someone has stronger opinions than me on this, but i don't think you're an asshole here, tbh, except maybe in the way you phrased it. you didn't have to tell her that you only wanted more children because she wouldn't give you grandkids; you could have phrased it in a, "i didn't think i could be there for you with kids of my own, so i decided not to have any more, but now that there isn't a grandchild to raise, time has passed and things have change for me so i need to think about it more with my partner, especially since it's been taxing for it to be so hard for me to conceive." the way you phrased it makes it sound like you blame her baby turmoil for your lack of further offspring, which is unfair and assholish, to be frank.
however, she is also having a really shitty time of it, so she pushed you to answer before you could really think about your phrasing. so maybe you sounded like you blamed her more than you actually do. that's a conversation to be had when tempers die down. but you also really need to talk to your husband. having a baby should be something you both want and have the conviction to go through with regardless of your daughter's circumstances. and yes, things could turn on a dime again, and you could both end up pregnant somehow. but you both are going to need to be in a good place in order to be there for each other, so clear the air first.
i think between all of your miscarriages and both of your shitty relationships to pregnancy and childrearing, neither of you are in a place to be good to each other. but you need to make your choices because they're your choices, and her the same. and deal with it when you get there.
nah.
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[deleted]
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op wants more children, but she didn't want to have children the same age as grandchildren. now that that isn't an issue op has gone back to her original want, how does that make her an ah? she's allowed to have opinions and make choices, just like her daughter is.
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (42 f) was a teen mom, i got married only a few weeks after i turned 18 and i gave birth to my daughter kiara (24 f) the week before i was 19. i was a baby myself and i resented my circumstances, especially after my husband died. the only light in my life was kiara at that time. it was me and her against the world. when kiara was 13, she told me she didn't want to have kids because she was scared they'd have a childhood like her. that hurt me but it's her choice and i told her so. i started taking her to an afterschool sex ed class (her school didn't offer one) so she could learn how to be safe so she wouldn't be in a similar circumstance to me. she repeated the sentiment over the years even though she knew i didn't like hearing it. but that's ok, it's her choice. nobody will force her. i got remarried the year kiara graduated and my husband and i have been trying to have more kids. a few months ago, i found kiara crying really badly in her room and she told me she was pregnant by her fiancee. she told me it happened because she stopped taking her birth control. i know she didn't want kids so i offered to take her to the clinic but she just got more upset. i offered to take her to see a psychologist cause she was so sad but she refused. she was insistent on keeping the baby even though she admitted that she still didn't want kids and did not feel forced by her fiancee. so my husband and i decided to help her instead of having our own kids (i don't want a baby and grandbaby of the same age or a grandbaby older than my baby). her pregnancy was terrible on her and she told me many times this is also why she never wanted kids. a month ago, kiara had a really bad argument with her fiancee and they broke up. then a week ago, she miscarried. she's been inconsolable and i know exactly how she feels i've been had a miscarriage twice. i've stayed by her side and taken time off work to do so. i've been very sad too because it hurts to see my baby in so much pain and not being able to help but i've been holding in all my own feelings because they're not important right now. then yesterday during breakfast she asked me if my husband and i were going to have kids now that she was never going to. i was taken aback by and i tried not to answer it because i don't know. she kept pressuring me and i cracked and admitted the only reason i ever wanted to have more kids because she never wanted kids and i wished she did want them. kiara said some very nasty things and called me an asshole. i've felt so terrible i said that to her during such a bad time in her life but i've also never lied to her and i don't know what she was expecting me to say. my husband assured me i just had a stress break and i feel like he's right but kiara didn't say a word to me over breakfast today.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (42 f) was a teen mom, i got married only a few weeks after i turned 18 and i gave birth to my daughter kiara (24 f) the week before i was 19. i was a baby myself and i resented my circumstances, especially after my husband died. the only light in my life was kiara at that time. it was me and her against the world. when kiara was 13, she told me she didn't want to have kids because she was scared they'd have a childhood like her. that hurt me but it's her choice and i told her so. i started taking her to an afterschool sex ed class (her school didn't offer one) so she could learn how to be safe so she wouldn't be in a similar circumstance to me. she repeated the sentiment over the years even though she knew i didn't like hearing it. but that's ok, it's her choice. nobody will force her. i got remarried the year kiara graduated and my husband and i have been trying to have more kids. a few months ago, i found kiara crying really badly in her room and she told me she was pregnant by her fiancee. she told me it happened because she stopped taking her birth control. i know she didn't want kids so i offered to take her to the clinic but she just got more upset. i offered to take her to see a psychologist cause she was so sad but she refused. she was insistent on keeping the baby even though she admitted that she still didn't want kids and did not feel forced by her fiancee. so my husband and i decided to help her instead of having our own kids (i don't want a baby and grandbaby of the same age or a grandbaby older than my baby). her pregnancy was terrible on her and she told me many times this is also why she never wanted kids. a month ago, kiara had a really bad argument with her fiancee and they broke up. then a week ago, she miscarried. she's been inconsolable and i know exactly how she feels i've been had a miscarriage twice. i've stayed by her side and taken time off work to do so. i've been very sad too because it hurts to see my baby in so much pain and not being able to help but i've been holding in all my own feelings because they're not important right now. then yesterday during breakfast she asked me if my husband and i were going to have kids now that she was never going to. i was taken aback by and i tried not to answer it because i don't know. she kept pressuring me and i cracked and admitted the only reason i ever wanted to have more kids because she never wanted kids and i wished she did want them. kiara said some very nasty things and called me an asshole. i've felt so terrible i said that to her during such a bad time in her life but i've also never lied to her and i don't know what she was expecting me to say. my husband assured me i just had a stress break and i feel like he's right but kiara didn't say a word to me over breakfast today. [/INST] yta - either you want more children or you don’t. your reproducing should not be dependent on her choice not to, or down the road changing her mind and deciding to. intentional or not this entire scenario screams of emotional manipulation. stop talking about either of your reproductive choices. decide with your husband what you two want as a couple and make that choice outside of your daughter. </s>
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to order from the kid's menu so she doesn't waste food?
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i (19m) brought my girlfriend vivian (19f) and my friends nick (19m) and sam (19f) on vacation for a few weeks. i've been paying for everything because i can and because that's how i was raised, coming from a pretty well-off family.
vivian is tiny and doesn't eat very much, she usually only eats around 1/2 to 2/3 of her meals. this would be problematic because as someone with a big appreciation for good food, the one thing i can't stand is food waste, but it usually works out fine because she eats all she can and then hands her plate to me and i finish it off.
yesterday we got dinner at a ramen place known for it's large portions. i warned viv about this, and reminded her that we'd had a late lunch so i wouldn't have room to finish her leftovers. luckily, this restaurant has a kids menu with chicken nuggets/mac&cheese/etc and also 2 ramen dishes from the main menu just with smaller portions. last time we were here she ordered one of these smaller ramen dishes and enjoyed it, so i recommended that she order that again or try the other one.
but she ordered something off the main menu instead, and then ended up only eating 1/3 of it. everyone else was full after finishing their meals, so the rest of viv's food was wasted. i was a little annoyed at her for the rest of the night for ignoring my warning and ordering something so big that she couldn't finish.
she looked embarrassed when the waiter took her full plate away, and i asked her if next time she'd listen to me and order the smaller portion. she said yes but looked surprised and hurt, so i felt bad and asked nick and sam later whether i'd said the wrong thing.
they confirmed that i was right to be annoyed. nick said that since i was paying, vivian was wasting my money by ignoring my recommendation. sam brought up the point that vivian ordering so much and eating so little had made *her* feel like a "cow" for finishing her own food, which i hadn't even considered.
but vivian hasn't really been talking to me much since then. i feel like i should apologize to keep the peace, but i don't want her to think she was right in this situation and do it again. aita?
(we don't usually box up leftovers to bring home as that would be more of a hassle because the refrigerator is so full already)
| 3,795 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oqvrly/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_order_from_the/
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2021-07-24 18:46:14
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yta. i'm your girlfriend in this scenarios, and it'd have been one thing if you asked her calmly and not in front of a other people if she would consider getting smaller portions off the kids menu. you humiliated her in front of 2 other people, and to add insult to injury, looked to said other people to also tell her that she's wrong. you don't deserve your girlfriend.
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yta. is this your partner or your child? because you’re certainly treating her like a child. don’t tell a grown adult what they should order, and don’t ever embarrass someone (especially in front of other people) for the amount they ate. what’s wrong with you? don’t offer to pay for people if they have to follow your conditions or be shamed.
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yta
“now next time will you listen to me?”
what a demeaning & condescending thing to say to her. you bought her ramen, not a car she is trashing.
if you are worried about waste, get the left overs to go.
she’s an adult & she can order whatever she likes, even if you are paying. you are either paying because you want to no strings, or you are doing it to be controlling & police what & how she eats. if it’s the latter, you are double yta.
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yta let the woman make her own decisions. she can order whatever she wants. if you’re so concerned about wasting food, take home leftovers or offer to split a meal. (if your refrigerator is too full, it sounds like that’s your bigger food waste problem)
i say this as a person who rarely finishes restaurant meals and hates wasting food. i save money by taking home leftovers and making two or even three meals out of one. it’s also a bit demeaning to ask a grown woman to order off the kids menu; some restaurants don’t even allow it.
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yta that's ridiculous. let her eat what she wants. and also, just clean your damn fridge out and take the leftovers home...it's not that hard to just box up your leftovers for second meal.
also, sam's issues are so not your girlfriend's problem. some people just eat less; deal with it.
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yta
jesus. you’re paying for four adults. they are ordering adult portions. you are not her father; it is absurd that you got annoyed with her and asked if ‘next time she’d listen to you’. to be frank, i’m shocked this lady continues to be with you. you publicly embarrassed her and basically got your other 2 friends to also talk badly about her. she was right in this situation, particularly if the dish she ordered wasn’t even on the children’s menu!
also, just asking an adult to order from the children’s menu is an absurd request. most places won’t let adults do that. she’s already petite and likely feels a bit weird about being so small, no need to have her publicly point it out by ordering a child’s meal!
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&#x200b;
>**because as someone with a big appreciation for good food, the one thing i can't stand is food waste**
🍕 🍔 🍟 🍆 🍽 🚮
you appreciate good food.
and you're never wasteful.
good for you.
but that doesn't give you the right to make recommendations on what and how much she wants on her plate, let alone if she finishes all of it or not.
vivian is your girlfriend, not your 3-year-old daughter.
she is an adult.
she's the same age as you.
so it's entirely up to her to decide how big a portion she wants to order.
this time.
next time.
for the rest of her life.
without any input from you whatsoever.
this isn't even about money.
if she had paid for her meal herself, you'd *still* be annoyed.
this is about (good) food that gets wasted.
*you* got a big problem with that.
she doesn't.
it's your problem.
not hers.
mind your own plate!
**yta.**
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i don’t understand why you can’t just take home leftovers. it’s a simple solution if you really hate food waste so much.
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yta. she's not a child... dont make her order off a children's menu. also restaurants lose money on kids meals. they are for kids!
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yta. you are literally policing what another adult eats.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19m) brought my girlfriend vivian (19f) and my friends nick (19m) and sam (19f) on vacation for a few weeks. i've been paying for everything because i can and because that's how i was raised, coming from a pretty well-off family. vivian is tiny and doesn't eat very much, she usually only eats around 1/2 to 2/3 of her meals. this would be problematic because as someone with a big appreciation for good food, the one thing i can't stand is food waste, but it usually works out fine because she eats all she can and then hands her plate to me and i finish it off. yesterday we got dinner at a ramen place known for it's large portions. i warned viv about this, and reminded her that we'd had a late lunch so i wouldn't have room to finish her leftovers. luckily, this restaurant has a kids menu with chicken nuggets/mac&cheese/etc and also 2 ramen dishes from the main menu just with smaller portions. last time we were here she ordered one of these smaller ramen dishes and enjoyed it, so i recommended that she order that again or try the other one. but she ordered something off the main menu instead, and then ended up only eating 1/3 of it. everyone else was full after finishing their meals, so the rest of viv's food was wasted. i was a little annoyed at her for the rest of the night for ignoring my warning and ordering something so big that she couldn't finish. she looked embarrassed when the waiter took her full plate away, and i asked her if next time she'd listen to me and order the smaller portion. she said yes but looked surprised and hurt, so i felt bad and asked nick and sam later whether i'd said the wrong thing. they confirmed that i was right to be annoyed. nick said that since i was paying, vivian was wasting my money by ignoring my recommendation. sam brought up the point that vivian ordering so much and eating so little had made *her* feel like a "cow" for finishing her own food, which i hadn't even considered. but vivian hasn't really been talking to me much since then. i feel like i should apologize to keep the peace, but i don't want her to think she was right in this situation and do it again. aita? (we don't usually box up leftovers to bring home as that would be more of a hassle because the refrigerator is so full already)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) brought my girlfriend vivian (19f) and my friends nick (19m) and sam (19f) on vacation for a few weeks. i've been paying for everything because i can and because that's how i was raised, coming from a pretty well-off family. vivian is tiny and doesn't eat very much, she usually only eats around 1/2 to 2/3 of her meals. this would be problematic because as someone with a big appreciation for good food, the one thing i can't stand is food waste, but it usually works out fine because she eats all she can and then hands her plate to me and i finish it off. yesterday we got dinner at a ramen place known for it's large portions. i warned viv about this, and reminded her that we'd had a late lunch so i wouldn't have room to finish her leftovers. luckily, this restaurant has a kids menu with chicken nuggets/mac&cheese/etc and also 2 ramen dishes from the main menu just with smaller portions. last time we were here she ordered one of these smaller ramen dishes and enjoyed it, so i recommended that she order that again or try the other one. but she ordered something off the main menu instead, and then ended up only eating 1/3 of it. everyone else was full after finishing their meals, so the rest of viv's food was wasted. i was a little annoyed at her for the rest of the night for ignoring my warning and ordering something so big that she couldn't finish. she looked embarrassed when the waiter took her full plate away, and i asked her if next time she'd listen to me and order the smaller portion. she said yes but looked surprised and hurt, so i felt bad and asked nick and sam later whether i'd said the wrong thing. they confirmed that i was right to be annoyed. nick said that since i was paying, vivian was wasting my money by ignoring my recommendation. sam brought up the point that vivian ordering so much and eating so little had made *her* feel like a "cow" for finishing her own food, which i hadn't even considered. but vivian hasn't really been talking to me much since then. i feel like i should apologize to keep the peace, but i don't want her to think she was right in this situation and do it again. aita? (we don't usually box up leftovers to bring home as that would be more of a hassle because the refrigerator is so full already) [/INST] yta. i'm your girlfriend in this scenarios, and it'd have been one thing if you asked her calmly and not in front of a other people if she would consider getting smaller portions off the kids menu. you humiliated her in front of 2 other people, and to add insult to injury, looked to said other people to also tell her that she's wrong. you don't deserve your girlfriend. </s>
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AITA for threatening to sue my sister because her kids broke my iPad?
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this happened a couple of days before christmas.
my sister, her 3 kids (4,6,8), and i were all staying at my parents house for the holidays.
i have a 1tb ipad pro (the largest screen model) that i use for my job. i do digital commissions, design band posters, design flyers to make money on the side as i’m in college. i saved up for a year to buy this ipad, it was an investment in my hobby.
i left the ipad plugged up in my fathers study where i was working on some projects the night before. i got up in the morning to find the thing *shattered* in the living room. my sister nonchalantly apologized and said “oh sorry the kids broke your screen. dad says he has a new one he’ll give you to replace it.” she didn’t even bother to wake me up when she saw that they were broke it. i asked her why she wasn’t watching her fucking kids, and how they got my ipad from my fathers study. she said that she *gave it to them* so they could watch youtube.
i obviously started yelling at her, and asked her how she could be to obtuse as to let her kids play with my stuff without asking. she called me selfish. “they’re my niece and nephews and i should want to share with them.” wtf.
my dad tried to give me a ipad air, and tell me that it was the same thing. i told him it was unacceptable and i wanted my ipad replaced *immediately*. he said he didn’t have the money, so i went to my sister and demanded the money. she tried to ask if she could make payments as the cost would wipe out her savings, and i said no way. i wanted the full cost of the ipad, the pencil , and the $250 that i’m going to miss out on because i couldn’t finish the project i was working on it would be around $2200 dollars.
she tried to call me heartless, and told me to think of my niece and nephew. i told her to go fuck herself, if she was a better mother she’d have more than 2k saved up when she has three kids. my parents think i’m over reacting, but i don’t. she is trying to avoid me and not speak to me, and i told her that i would be suing her then for the full cost of my ipad and lost wages.
she’s acting like a total bitch, and crying on social media about how her heartless brother is trying to sue her and break her and her children over an “honest mistake”. i’ve gotten calls from several family members calling me a bad brother, and asking me to reconsider. i can’t believe this is happening. wibta for suing my “poor broke sister” because she can’t watch her fucking kids?
tldr my sisters kids broke my expensive ipad and i’m suing her, aita?
| 20,903 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egwqp2/aita_for_threatening_to_sue_my_sister_because_her/
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2019-12-28 21:43:56
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nta. i’d almost say everyone sucks because your comments to her were kinda shitty, but what kind of entitled person takes someone’s work equipment, gives it to her little kids as a toy, then gets mad when you won’t accept a used device that’s 1/10 as good as the one she should never have had in the first place? if she’d apologized i’d say not to sue her, but she didn’t and is acting furious that not everything is free for her precious baybees to destroy. take this to r/entitledparents, they’ll have a magnificent field day w this crap
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nta. people seem to be missing the fact that it's not just the ipad. you're going to have down time for this in which you won't be able to create and sell your art, so there are losses there as well. hat your sister did was thoughtless, reckless and disrespectful. i'm not convinced that a screen repair will fix everything that is wrong with the ipad. if it has internal damage, the repairs may cost more than a new unit. whether you have applecare is irrelevant, her financial status is irrelevant. your sister is responsible for the damage and she should pay for it. if she makes payments, she should buy one on credit and make payments to a store and not to you so that you can have use of it without waiting and having further economic loss. i don't understand why you should have to be so considerate of her when she was so inconsiderate of you.
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nta, she had no right to let her kids play with your stuff without asking. if she thought she could do that, she also needs to face the consequences.
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esh. your sister sucks for taking your ipad and breaking it and you suck for going ape shit on her and considering suing her because she can’t afford to give you 2200 dollars on the spot. i don’t know what kind of family people in this sub have, but in my family, we are a bit more forgiving.
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nta - i don’t think a lot of people understand just how integral an ipad is to design work. while his response may seem unnecessary, this is his livelihood and a perfectly valid response.
in the short term - missing a project deadline will cause him to not get paid. in the long run - if another client catches wind that he has missed deadlines, they may be less inclined to hire him for their design work. and this exact ipad, no less, is what is required to complete the work too - why would someone want to hire someone with inferior equipment who won’t produce as good results?
also - why didn’t the sister just hand over her phone to her kids if watching youtube is so integral to her parenting? because i’d hazard a guess that she didn’t on the off chance her kids would break it. better risk op’s work equipment and hope he soaks the cost of they do.
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only on reddit would threatening to sue family be considered socially appropriate. esh. your family sucks for breaking your work shit but sueing them will not resolve this issue. most people cant immeadiately give you 2200$. that sucks but that is life. suing is not a fix here. shit got broken. that sucks work with them to see what they can resonably give you and then never trust your expensive stuff around them.
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nta by a long shot. you break it, you buy it. doesn’t matter if it was your niece and nephew that broke your work ipad. it’s your sister’s responsibility to replace what her children broke out of her own negligence. she fucked up by giving them the ipad in the first place. and she fucked up even more by not watching her children use the device to ensure it was being handled properly. don’t back down.
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nta, but my dude, if you're relying on this sort of thing for income you need to have insurance coverage on it. hell, if you've got some kind of contents insurance you may already have something you can claim against to get it replaced sooner.
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esh
i totally understand how you feel and i understand why you are so angry (i would be to). your sister does not respect your stuff or your job.
but please calm down and work with your sister. together you can come up with a repayment plan. if you sue her, you still will not get the money all at once. there will be a repayment plan.
did the children also break the pencil. if they did not break the pencil than your sister should not have to replace it.
you can still finish the project. you may have to borrow an ipad or a computer from a friend, family, or coworker. if you are a college student, you may also have the option to check out ipad or laptop once the semester begins. try to use your dad ipad air and try to finish as much as the project you can. or, if you have a laptop you can use that. yes, it may not be as easy as your original ipad but as long as you can download the program it should not be impossible.
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info: why can’t you just replace the screen? it’s pretty hard to totally destroy an ipad.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
| 0.207934 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple of days before christmas. my sister, her 3 kids (4,6,8), and i were all staying at my parents house for the holidays. i have a 1tb ipad pro (the largest screen model) that i use for my job. i do digital commissions, design band posters, design flyers to make money on the side as i’m in college. i saved up for a year to buy this ipad, it was an investment in my hobby. i left the ipad plugged up in my fathers study where i was working on some projects the night before. i got up in the morning to find the thing *shattered* in the living room. my sister nonchalantly apologized and said “oh sorry the kids broke your screen. dad says he has a new one he’ll give you to replace it.” she didn’t even bother to wake me up when she saw that they were broke it. i asked her why she wasn’t watching her fucking kids, and how they got my ipad from my fathers study. she said that she *gave it to them* so they could watch youtube. i obviously started yelling at her, and asked her how she could be to obtuse as to let her kids play with my stuff without asking. she called me selfish. “they’re my niece and nephews and i should want to share with them.” wtf. my dad tried to give me a ipad air, and tell me that it was the same thing. i told him it was unacceptable and i wanted my ipad replaced *immediately*. he said he didn’t have the money, so i went to my sister and demanded the money. she tried to ask if she could make payments as the cost would wipe out her savings, and i said no way. i wanted the full cost of the ipad, the pencil , and the $250 that i’m going to miss out on because i couldn’t finish the project i was working on it would be around $2200 dollars. she tried to call me heartless, and told me to think of my niece and nephew. i told her to go fuck herself, if she was a better mother she’d have more than 2k saved up when she has three kids. my parents think i’m over reacting, but i don’t. she is trying to avoid me and not speak to me, and i told her that i would be suing her then for the full cost of my ipad and lost wages. she’s acting like a total bitch, and crying on social media about how her heartless brother is trying to sue her and break her and her children over an “honest mistake”. i’ve gotten calls from several family members calling me a bad brother, and asking me to reconsider. i can’t believe this is happening. wibta for suing my “poor broke sister” because she can’t watch her fucking kids? tldr my sisters kids broke my expensive ipad and i’m suing her, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple of days before christmas. my sister, her 3 kids (4,6,8), and i were all staying at my parents house for the holidays. i have a 1tb ipad pro (the largest screen model) that i use for my job. i do digital commissions, design band posters, design flyers to make money on the side as i’m in college. i saved up for a year to buy this ipad, it was an investment in my hobby. i left the ipad plugged up in my fathers study where i was working on some projects the night before. i got up in the morning to find the thing *shattered* in the living room. my sister nonchalantly apologized and said “oh sorry the kids broke your screen. dad says he has a new one he’ll give you to replace it.” she didn’t even bother to wake me up when she saw that they were broke it. i asked her why she wasn’t watching her fucking kids, and how they got my ipad from my fathers study. she said that she *gave it to them* so they could watch youtube. i obviously started yelling at her, and asked her how she could be to obtuse as to let her kids play with my stuff without asking. she called me selfish. “they’re my niece and nephews and i should want to share with them.” wtf. my dad tried to give me a ipad air, and tell me that it was the same thing. i told him it was unacceptable and i wanted my ipad replaced *immediately*. he said he didn’t have the money, so i went to my sister and demanded the money. she tried to ask if she could make payments as the cost would wipe out her savings, and i said no way. i wanted the full cost of the ipad, the pencil , and the $250 that i’m going to miss out on because i couldn’t finish the project i was working on it would be around $2200 dollars. she tried to call me heartless, and told me to think of my niece and nephew. i told her to go fuck herself, if she was a better mother she’d have more than 2k saved up when she has three kids. my parents think i’m over reacting, but i don’t. she is trying to avoid me and not speak to me, and i told her that i would be suing her then for the full cost of my ipad and lost wages. she’s acting like a total bitch, and crying on social media about how her heartless brother is trying to sue her and break her and her children over an “honest mistake”. i’ve gotten calls from several family members calling me a bad brother, and asking me to reconsider. i can’t believe this is happening. wibta for suing my “poor broke sister” because she can’t watch her fucking kids? tldr my sisters kids broke my expensive ipad and i’m suing her, aita? [/INST] nta. i’d almost say everyone sucks because your comments to her were kinda shitty, but what kind of entitled person takes someone’s work equipment, gives it to her little kids as a toy, then gets mad when you won’t accept a used device that’s 1/10 as good as the one she should never have had in the first place? if she’d apologized i’d say not to sue her, but she didn’t and is acting furious that not everything is free for her precious baybees to destroy. take this to r/entitledparents, they’ll have a magnificent field day w this crap </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to let my daughter try her ring on, and snapping at her when she started insulting us?
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fake names, throwaway. i'm 39, kate's 26 and anna's 14.
yesterday me, my husband and my daughter anna met up with my family for lunch, my sister kate came too. side note, kate doesn't normally come to family lunches and she's not very close with me or our parents, except our middle sister (she tends to shut the rest of us out most of the time and can act disrespectful). so anyway, kate was wearing a beautiful ring, we complimented her on it and anna kept asking her if she could try it on (anna loves jewelry and she's really into rings right now). kate said no in a really rude tone, so i said just to let her try it on for a second, she'll give it back. she agreed and anna put it on, but it was a little too big for her finger and accidentally slipped off- i caught it before it fell on the floor. kate went ballistic, saying she knew this was going to happen and we were careless. anna got pretty upset by now, so i snapped that literally nothing happened to it, she's making a scene and hurting my daughter over a ring. pretty much everyone on the table agreed with me and comforted anna, except for kate of course and our middle sister, who said none of us care about kate. aita?
| 5,106 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfu18i/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_let_my_daughter_try/
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2022-06-19 12:23:08
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yta - jewellery is very personal and nobody is entitled to "try it on". you made a fuss and pressured her into it, and the ring could have been damaged. she's right to be annoyed. just mind your own business in future.
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what is it with sisters on this sub lately? yta, you know, we know, and your family knows it. stop teaching your daughter that it’s okay to stomp on peoples boundaries. no is a complete sentence.
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yta teach your kid that she can't always get her way.
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yta
>kate doesn't normally come to family lunches and she's not very close with me or our parents.
with how you act it's no wonder why.
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yta. it isn't your ring. "hurting my daughter"? eyeroll. get a grip. you sound like an asshole.
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yta. you're teaching your kid how to be entitled and how to not respect people's boundaries. your sister lashed out because of your blatant entitlement. you're old enough to know better, you're old enough to not act like that and you're old enough to not teach your kid how to be entitled. you 100% deserved it as it was your own doing. karma is a bitch
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yta. you don't get to demand other people's stuff. what's wrong with you?
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yta and this sounds like something we would see on entitled parents. and i see why she doesn’t have much to do with you.
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yta
rather than reiterating other poster’s excellent points, just want to address consequences.
your daughter nearly dropped her aunt’s ring. it could easily have been damaged. would you have paid for repairs or a replacement? or would you have shrugged it off or even criticized your sister’s expensive tastes?
it’s likely that your sister would have anticipated such ah behavior from you and her reaction was appropriate.
it’s clear that you have little respect for you sister, her rights, and her belongings. unfortunately, your family (other than your middle sister) are equally disrespectful.
if you care about your sisters and if you care about your daughter growing into a decent and responsible adult, you should look more critically into your own behavior and actions. because in this instance, you were very much the ah.
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yta and i can see why she avoids most of you, sounds like you all treat her like trash…i feel sorry for anna, she stands no hope with you raising her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: fake names, throwaway. i'm 39, kate's 26 and anna's 14. yesterday me, my husband and my daughter anna met up with my family for lunch, my sister kate came too. side note, kate doesn't normally come to family lunches and she's not very close with me or our parents, except our middle sister (she tends to shut the rest of us out most of the time and can act disrespectful). so anyway, kate was wearing a beautiful ring, we complimented her on it and anna kept asking her if she could try it on (anna loves jewelry and she's really into rings right now). kate said no in a really rude tone, so i said just to let her try it on for a second, she'll give it back. she agreed and anna put it on, but it was a little too big for her finger and accidentally slipped off- i caught it before it fell on the floor. kate went ballistic, saying she knew this was going to happen and we were careless. anna got pretty upset by now, so i snapped that literally nothing happened to it, she's making a scene and hurting my daughter over a ring. pretty much everyone on the table agreed with me and comforted anna, except for kate of course and our middle sister, who said none of us care about kate. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
fake names, throwaway. i'm 39, kate's 26 and anna's 14. yesterday me, my husband and my daughter anna met up with my family for lunch, my sister kate came too. side note, kate doesn't normally come to family lunches and she's not very close with me or our parents, except our middle sister (she tends to shut the rest of us out most of the time and can act disrespectful). so anyway, kate was wearing a beautiful ring, we complimented her on it and anna kept asking her if she could try it on (anna loves jewelry and she's really into rings right now). kate said no in a really rude tone, so i said just to let her try it on for a second, she'll give it back. she agreed and anna put it on, but it was a little too big for her finger and accidentally slipped off- i caught it before it fell on the floor. kate went ballistic, saying she knew this was going to happen and we were careless. anna got pretty upset by now, so i snapped that literally nothing happened to it, she's making a scene and hurting my daughter over a ring. pretty much everyone on the table agreed with me and comforted anna, except for kate of course and our middle sister, who said none of us care about kate. aita? [/INST] yta - jewellery is very personal and nobody is entitled to "try it on". you made a fuss and pressured her into it, and the ring could have been damaged. she's right to be annoyed. just mind your own business in future. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to pay for my coworkers new aquarium.
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my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups.
when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane.
she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over.
half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy.
| 10,819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ptyy91/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_coworkers_new/
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2021-09-23 16:29:00
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yta. you destroyed her property, killed her fish, and are not taking any responsibility for your fuck up.
if what she says is true, that you shouldn’t have been in her office, add that to the list of other reasons you’re ta.
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yta. you caused the tank to fall. and why were you in her office when she wasn't there? why the hell are you leaning your full weight against an aquarium in the first place?
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yta. so you're telling us that you went into her space and broke her shit, but somehow that's her fault for having her shit in her space?
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yta. you break, you buy. require receipts. ask for an installment plan if you cannot pay all at once. accidents happen, so does responsibility.
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how are you not at fault?
you were in her office without permission, you leaned on a shelf supporting a full tank full of fish, you caused said shelf to break resulting in the deaths of her expensive pets and the destruction of her tank.
>half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it
if you buy a car and someone accidently hits you is it all your fault for purchasing and driving said car?
if you own a house and someone vandalized it is it your fault for daring to have a house to begin with??
yta.
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yta.
why were you in her office if she wasn’t there?
why weren’t you more careful if you know there is a 20 gallon aquarium in her office?
‘she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf?’ are you a kid?
please don’t be an ah and pay her, you broke it and killed some of her animals.
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yta for sure. as someone with a betta sorority i can tell you getting it started is one of the hardest things to do and very expensive. you better give her the money. this is your fault.
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yta: reading this and your last post… ma’am i think it’s time to re evaluation your awareness of other people around.
on unrelated note: did you succeed in getting your brother to break up with is gf. and did she ever press charges against you
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yta
what the fuck? you're blaming her? when you're the one to clearly admit that you had caused this? if she had gotten approval from hr or the building owner or whoever is in charge of office changes she's allowed the aquarium. if it's been there for so long that's likely the case. what, did you, like, climb up onto the table or something? putting your whole weight on it? that was irresponsible and you should pay full cost for replacing it
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so you’re that person that breaks people’s stuff and refuses to pay for a replacement because they shouldn’t have had that nice thing. thankfully, i’ve never met one of you irl.
**yta**
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups. when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane. she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over. half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my coworker has a 20 gallon aquarium in her office that’s been there a year. it’s sitting on a very long shelf. with out thinking i leaned on the shelf with my full weight getting something from her desk. when i stopped leaning the shelf shook and the tank fell and shattered all over the floor. she was a lunch when this happened. some of the techs helped me get all her female betta into cups. when she came back from lunch she freaked out and screamed at me telling me no one should have been in her office to begin with with her not being there. 4 of her 7 betta died and about half her plants. she bought me a receipt this morning saying i need to reimburse her. it came out to $250 worth of plants, rocks, and other stuff which is insane. she also told me that she has ordered $75 worth of specially bread betta females from the same breeder she got her previous fish from. she said sororities are extremely hard ti keep and that i just added stress because now she has to start over. half if my office says i should not have to pay for it because it was her choice to build it and the other half say i should. would i really be the asshole if i refused to pay? she should have had a sign saying don’t touch the shelf it it was that flimsy. [/INST] yta. you destroyed her property, killed her fish, and are not taking any responsibility for your fuck up. if what she says is true, that you shouldn’t have been in her office, add that to the list of other reasons you’re ta. </s>
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AITA For Refusing To Take A DNA Test To Keep Inheritance?
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throwaway account
i (25m) am having a clash of morals and obligations and would like an outside perspective. when i was 13 my parents died and i was raised by my paternal grandparents. it was the easiest choice since they lived in the same area when my parents were alive and visited them frequently. i am my grandparents only grandchild as my aunt (43f) is child free so when they passed on they left me their house. the current total value of the house is around $500,000 and that's lowballing the estimate and it's fully paid off so i basically have a really good head start in life although i could never imagine selling it.
recently, i was approached by a man (38m), "john," claiming to be my grandfather's son and would like a dna test to verify it. i shocked and didn't believe him and told him to f off because that would mean that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. he also contacted my aunt and she recognized him as the neighbor's kid who moved away years ago. apparently my grandparents were friends with his parents but then one day there was a huge fight and the couple moved away.
john stated that his mom had an affair with my grandfather and when the husband found out he divorced his mom and they were forced to sell the house. john said that his mom's husband wanted nothing to do with him since he wasn't sure if he was the father and abandoned him. years later john tracked him down and after a dna test was confirmed that he wasn't the father, john's mom confessed that the only other possible candidate was my grandfather. john's mom insisted her ex was the father for years.
my aunt lives in another country so john has been asking me to do a dna test so that he can finally know for sure who his father is. i was willing to do it until my girlfriend (26f) brought up the issue of ownership of the house. i did a quick check and if the dna test proves that john is indeed my grandfather's son he might be able to sue for a share of the estate. if it came down to it i would be forced to sell my home because there's no way i could buy out even 1/3 of the share if john wanted it.
i contacted john and said that i would be more than willing to do a dna test but only under the condition that he sign away any rights or claims to the house if he's proven to be my grandfather's son via paperwork that my lawyer(s) will draw up. i didn't hear from john for days but then got an angry call from a woman claiming to be his wife who called me greedy and selfish. that i couldn't possibly know that pain of not knowing who my father is and that my grandfather owes john. i hung up on her and contacted a lawyer so far unless john can present enough evidence to create doubt he doesn't have much of a case, especially since the possible father is already deceased.
while i'm content with never giving john what he wants until he waives his rights, and my aunt won’t either, his wife has begun stalking me on social media and putting me on blast. aita?
| 18,273 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mzv5df/aita_for_refusing_to_take_a_dna_test_to_keep/
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2021-04-27 18:28:48
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nta. the wife and "john" are definitely going to sue for the estate. the fact that he didn't agree to draw up papers to ensure that doesn't happen is suspicious. if he really just wanted to know who his biological father is, he would've agreed, you both would've taken the test, you guys would get the results, and that would've been the end of it.
it's suspicious that he didn't opt to do that.
you were right in getting that lawyer. nta.
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the next request is for your attorney to send the harassing wife a cease and desist or she will be sued for harassment. nta. do what you’ve got to do to protect your assets.
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nta pot meet kettle - they can't call you greedy and say he only wants to know who his father was if they won't sign something saying he won't contest the will. he wants to know but he wants the money too. but if your grandfather did cheat and his mistress got pregnant he had to have known there was a possibility of him having another kid out there but he still left the house to you.
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nta look into getting a restraining order against the wife. she clearly wants to cash out on this. did your grandfather’s will explicitly deny claim to any unknown children? i’ve seen that clause a few times and it would be a good idea to ask the probate attorney about it. from now on, block them and don’t do a dna test even if they sign paperwork. his wife’s behavior is a huge red flag. you’re best to not be involved with them. if the relationship starts off like this, it will only continue going downhill.
i think it’s not a coincidence that they appear after your grandfather passed. it sounds like they are trying to run a scam. i’d be a bit surprised if they got a legitimate dna test. if you decide to do it, you choose the lab without any suggestion from him.
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nta. cut all contact with them completely and make sure you've found a good lawyer.
&#x200b;
i'm ultra paranoid and watch enough cop shows that i would probably not even be throwing away cups, paper plates, utensils, etc in public in case they decide to try to pull my dna off that.
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nta. you’re completely doing the right thing. he’s trying to stake a claim for your inheritance. while he may very well be your grandfather’s son he was never part of the family and therefore morally shouldn’t have a stake in your inheritance.
frankly, if i were you i wouldn’t even contact him any further. i have no idea if any contract he would sign that he wouldn’t go after your money would survive in court. judges are notoriously weird in probate. protect yourself and don’t back down here. don’t agree to any dna test and allow him to stake a claim on your inheritance.
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you need a lawyer not aita op.
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i'm sympathetic to you, but i think this is nah. john is not an asshole for asking (there are many valid reasons for him to want to know that don't have to do with your money); you are not an asshole for trying to protect your assets from a potentially protracted and expensive legal battle over a shitty thing a dead person did almost 40 years ago. lack of assholery aside, legally john probably does have a claim, which royally sucks for you. but ultimately the fault is with your grandfather, who cheated *and* did not have his will written to protect his intended heirs (or, more decently, set aside something for john), not the guy who was abandoned by both his bio father and the man he believed was his father.
if you were asking whether you were ta for blocking the wife, that would be 100% n ta because she's way way *way* out of her lane--not to mention dumb, because treating you like this vastly decreases the chance of amicable and less-expensive mediation once lawyers are involved. but that's not the core issue here.
i'm sorry your family and financial plans have been disrupted this way.
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nta. this all sounds extremely suspicious to me, partly because if john really did just want to know who his father is, he'd be happy to waive any rights to the inheritance, and partly because he's only looking into this *now,* when he could have done it while your grandfather was still alive.
you're absolutely not under any ethical obligation to do a dna test.
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nta - inheritance doesn’t work the way this guy thinks it does. they left you the house. doesn’t matter whether you’re related, or he is or isn’t. they could’ve left the house to a stranger in the street, as long as the will was signed not under duress and of sound mind. unless you live somewhere with completely different rules, i suppose.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account i (25m) am having a clash of morals and obligations and would like an outside perspective. when i was 13 my parents died and i was raised by my paternal grandparents. it was the easiest choice since they lived in the same area when my parents were alive and visited them frequently. i am my grandparents only grandchild as my aunt (43f) is child free so when they passed on they left me their house. the current total value of the house is around $500,000 and that's lowballing the estimate and it's fully paid off so i basically have a really good head start in life although i could never imagine selling it. recently, i was approached by a man (38m), "john," claiming to be my grandfather's son and would like a dna test to verify it. i shocked and didn't believe him and told him to f off because that would mean that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. he also contacted my aunt and she recognized him as the neighbor's kid who moved away years ago. apparently my grandparents were friends with his parents but then one day there was a huge fight and the couple moved away. john stated that his mom had an affair with my grandfather and when the husband found out he divorced his mom and they were forced to sell the house. john said that his mom's husband wanted nothing to do with him since he wasn't sure if he was the father and abandoned him. years later john tracked him down and after a dna test was confirmed that he wasn't the father, john's mom confessed that the only other possible candidate was my grandfather. john's mom insisted her ex was the father for years. my aunt lives in another country so john has been asking me to do a dna test so that he can finally know for sure who his father is. i was willing to do it until my girlfriend (26f) brought up the issue of ownership of the house. i did a quick check and if the dna test proves that john is indeed my grandfather's son he might be able to sue for a share of the estate. if it came down to it i would be forced to sell my home because there's no way i could buy out even 1/3 of the share if john wanted it. i contacted john and said that i would be more than willing to do a dna test but only under the condition that he sign away any rights or claims to the house if he's proven to be my grandfather's son via paperwork that my lawyer(s) will draw up. i didn't hear from john for days but then got an angry call from a woman claiming to be his wife who called me greedy and selfish. that i couldn't possibly know that pain of not knowing who my father is and that my grandfather owes john. i hung up on her and contacted a lawyer so far unless john can present enough evidence to create doubt he doesn't have much of a case, especially since the possible father is already deceased. while i'm content with never giving john what he wants until he waives his rights, and my aunt won’t either, his wife has begun stalking me on social media and putting me on blast. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account i (25m) am having a clash of morals and obligations and would like an outside perspective. when i was 13 my parents died and i was raised by my paternal grandparents. it was the easiest choice since they lived in the same area when my parents were alive and visited them frequently. i am my grandparents only grandchild as my aunt (43f) is child free so when they passed on they left me their house. the current total value of the house is around $500,000 and that's lowballing the estimate and it's fully paid off so i basically have a really good head start in life although i could never imagine selling it. recently, i was approached by a man (38m), "john," claiming to be my grandfather's son and would like a dna test to verify it. i shocked and didn't believe him and told him to f off because that would mean that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother. he also contacted my aunt and she recognized him as the neighbor's kid who moved away years ago. apparently my grandparents were friends with his parents but then one day there was a huge fight and the couple moved away. john stated that his mom had an affair with my grandfather and when the husband found out he divorced his mom and they were forced to sell the house. john said that his mom's husband wanted nothing to do with him since he wasn't sure if he was the father and abandoned him. years later john tracked him down and after a dna test was confirmed that he wasn't the father, john's mom confessed that the only other possible candidate was my grandfather. john's mom insisted her ex was the father for years. my aunt lives in another country so john has been asking me to do a dna test so that he can finally know for sure who his father is. i was willing to do it until my girlfriend (26f) brought up the issue of ownership of the house. i did a quick check and if the dna test proves that john is indeed my grandfather's son he might be able to sue for a share of the estate. if it came down to it i would be forced to sell my home because there's no way i could buy out even 1/3 of the share if john wanted it. i contacted john and said that i would be more than willing to do a dna test but only under the condition that he sign away any rights or claims to the house if he's proven to be my grandfather's son via paperwork that my lawyer(s) will draw up. i didn't hear from john for days but then got an angry call from a woman claiming to be his wife who called me greedy and selfish. that i couldn't possibly know that pain of not knowing who my father is and that my grandfather owes john. i hung up on her and contacted a lawyer so far unless john can present enough evidence to create doubt he doesn't have much of a case, especially since the possible father is already deceased. while i'm content with never giving john what he wants until he waives his rights, and my aunt won’t either, his wife has begun stalking me on social media and putting me on blast. aita? [/INST] nta. the wife and "john" are definitely going to sue for the estate. the fact that he didn't agree to draw up papers to ensure that doesn't happen is suspicious. if he really just wanted to know who his biological father is, he would've agreed, you both would've taken the test, you guys would get the results, and that would've been the end of it. it's suspicious that he didn't opt to do that. you were right in getting that lawyer. nta. </s>
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AITA for wearing a white dress to a wedding?
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i know you're technically not supposed to do that but the bride of this one wanted a different type of wedding. she wore a black dress to the wedding and i knew beforehand she'd do this. i literally wore a cheap, white summer dress and all the girls were making petty comments about me throughout the night.
one of the bridesmaids walked up to me, a disgusted look on her face and says "dont you know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding?"
i responded with, "for fucks sakes thats only so you dont upstage the bride! shes wearing black!" to be fair, i shouldn't have been so mean about it but for hours these girls had been staring at me, giving me nasty eyes and making comments about me. i dont even think the bride cared, she seemed to enamored by her husband to be aware of anything else
aita?
*
| 10,363 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ck0f5z/aita_for_wearing_a_white_dress_to_a_wedding/
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2019-07-31 00:04:11
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yta, the bride could have been wearing highlighter yellow, you still don't wear white to a wedding
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yta. was it the only dress left on earth? why did you have to wear white? it’s a simple rule, just follow it. in a certain way it’s more important if the bride’s dress wasn’t white because you’re the only person in a white dress and could very well be mistaken for the bride because that’s what people are used to seeing.
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yeah....yta. i know it's stupid but convention is what convention is and even if it *was* a different kind of wedding you're still making a statement when you wear white. the reactions to that were 100% predictable.
those girls were definitely assholes too, but just because you knew about the black dress ahead of time doesn't mean anyone else did.
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info: did you ask the bride? i assume you know her well enough to know ahead of time that she wasn’t wearing white.
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nta
you knew ahead of the time the bride would be wearing a different colour. however, if it were me, i would have avoided both colours just to play it safe. that said, i think everyone was probably being over-dramatic. generally someone non traditional enough to wear black to their own wedding wouldn’t care about the tradition of not wearing white.
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nta - your friend, the bride, literally thinks wedding traditions are stupid and intentionally tried to do something contrary to them. she, the bride, didn't feel bothered by what you chose to wear.
more than half the men are gonna show up to a wedding in almost indistinguishable black or navy suits but people still know who the groom is, this was only a problem because people are too obsessed with certain traditions.
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yta
regardless of tradition you wore a colour that would draw attention and highly contrast black that’s a dick move. in choosing what to wear to a wedding the best thing to do is think, “if i was in a photo with bride, does what i’m wearing contrast/clash or compliment the brides dress.”
when in doubt, dark blue is your friend
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nta
unless the bride had an issue with it, the other girls were being petty and catty. ywbta if you'd worn a black dress.
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info: do you know the bride well? did she indicate a preference of what people wore? i'm wearing black to my wedding and have already expressed that any guest can wear anything, including white or black, so everyone knows where i stand on the subject. did you know the bride would be okay with it?
either way, they shouldn't have been so catty and judgemental. they could have spoken to you face to face in the first place instead of acting like gossipy schoolgirls.
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nta. my understanding is that you don't wear white because that color is being reserved for the bride. if the bride is eschewing the wearing of white i see no reason you shouldn't wear white. and the bride wasn't bothered by it so the guests need to mind their own business.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.894427 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know you're technically not supposed to do that but the bride of this one wanted a different type of wedding. she wore a black dress to the wedding and i knew beforehand she'd do this. i literally wore a cheap, white summer dress and all the girls were making petty comments about me throughout the night. one of the bridesmaids walked up to me, a disgusted look on her face and says "dont you know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding?" i responded with, "for fucks sakes thats only so you dont upstage the bride! shes wearing black!" to be fair, i shouldn't have been so mean about it but for hours these girls had been staring at me, giving me nasty eyes and making comments about me. i dont even think the bride cared, she seemed to enamored by her husband to be aware of anything else aita? *
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know you're technically not supposed to do that but the bride of this one wanted a different type of wedding. she wore a black dress to the wedding and i knew beforehand she'd do this. i literally wore a cheap, white summer dress and all the girls were making petty comments about me throughout the night. one of the bridesmaids walked up to me, a disgusted look on her face and says "dont you know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding?" i responded with, "for fucks sakes thats only so you dont upstage the bride! shes wearing black!" to be fair, i shouldn't have been so mean about it but for hours these girls had been staring at me, giving me nasty eyes and making comments about me. i dont even think the bride cared, she seemed to enamored by her husband to be aware of anything else aita? * [/INST] yta, the bride could have been wearing highlighter yellow, you still don't wear white to a wedding </s>
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WIBTA if I suggested therapy for my creepy, bone-collecting niece
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she's 5 and the creepiest person i've ever met. for starters, the questions she asks are off the wall. she once asked me if she could feel my skin to make sure i was warm and living and how many buckets of blood i thought were inside a cow. those are just two of the recent ones. when she's not asking questions, she's staring into the distance (or occasionally straight into your eyes) with a blank look on her face. she's an intelligent, precocious child and sometimes when i'm around her i feel like i'm in the movie orphan (spoiler: full grown woman in little girls' body). she's articulate for her age and her parents say it's because she reads so much. she's in 1st grade (skipped kindergarten) and has already read all the harry potter books. even so, i feel like she knows way more than possible for someone so young. she's never shown any aggression or violence toward anyone, but i feel like she's not normal. i once saw her picking hairs off a family member's jacket and putting them in a little plastic baggy. this girl has a mason jar full of chicken bones on her night stand. i'm not making this up. every time her family eats a rotisserie chicken, she picks out the bones she "likes" and puts them in the jar. i am 19 years old and terrified of a this small child. i get uneasy even going to their house because i'm afraid i'll see her in the corner counting her little bird bones. wibta if i suggested my brother take her to therapy? the rest of my family just thinks she's a normal, kooky kid and that she'll grow out of her creepy tendencies. am i wrong for thinking that there's something not okay with her?
| 3,597 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bec0xf/wibta_if_i_suggested_therapy_for_my_creepy/
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2019-04-17 19:35:17
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yta. that girl needs to be put into a science program, if anything.
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yta
>she's never shown any aggression or violence toward anyone
that? right there? that's what matters.
the creepy kid that never hurts anyone? fine.
the really nice, friendly kid whose family dog keeps going missing or turning up mutilated? **that's** the one you send to therapy.
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yta this kid owns
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yta. kids go through phases. my siblings and i grew up on a ranch and we had a pile of cow bones behind the shed. once we skinned a roadkill snake and tanned its hide. stop acting like a fussy victorian.
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yta she sounds like an amazing, budding scientist. please don't say anything and let her be, don't deter this little girl from her interest. like the moment she realises that people think her interests are ”weird” and she tries to fit in, all this spark is lost.
leave the little girl be. good for her.
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yta. being interested in bones and such is not cause for therapy. and taking a little girl to therapy because her interests are unusual would be harmful to her. there's nothing wrong with liking bones and the macabre. just think of her like a tiny goth.
if she is displaying lack of empathy, glee towards people getting hurt, she's hurting animals, she's hurting others, etc then you take her to therapy.
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yta she sounds cool as hell.
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yta - she skipped kindergarden. shes super bored. bones aren't boring to her, like kindergarden math and spelling are.
if she doesn't grow out of it by summer 2020 then maybe suggest therapy, but for now just chill.
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yta - she’s smart and interested in biology clearly. you’re creeped out by a 5 year old. maybe you need the therapy lol
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yta
kids are weird, and the overwhelming majority of them grow out of it. as long as it's not harmful therapy isn't needed.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: she's 5 and the creepiest person i've ever met. for starters, the questions she asks are off the wall. she once asked me if she could feel my skin to make sure i was warm and living and how many buckets of blood i thought were inside a cow. those are just two of the recent ones. when she's not asking questions, she's staring into the distance (or occasionally straight into your eyes) with a blank look on her face. she's an intelligent, precocious child and sometimes when i'm around her i feel like i'm in the movie orphan (spoiler: full grown woman in little girls' body). she's articulate for her age and her parents say it's because she reads so much. she's in 1st grade (skipped kindergarten) and has already read all the harry potter books. even so, i feel like she knows way more than possible for someone so young. she's never shown any aggression or violence toward anyone, but i feel like she's not normal. i once saw her picking hairs off a family member's jacket and putting them in a little plastic baggy. this girl has a mason jar full of chicken bones on her night stand. i'm not making this up. every time her family eats a rotisserie chicken, she picks out the bones she "likes" and puts them in the jar. i am 19 years old and terrified of a this small child. i get uneasy even going to their house because i'm afraid i'll see her in the corner counting her little bird bones. wibta if i suggested my brother take her to therapy? the rest of my family just thinks she's a normal, kooky kid and that she'll grow out of her creepy tendencies. am i wrong for thinking that there's something not okay with her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
she's 5 and the creepiest person i've ever met. for starters, the questions she asks are off the wall. she once asked me if she could feel my skin to make sure i was warm and living and how many buckets of blood i thought were inside a cow. those are just two of the recent ones. when she's not asking questions, she's staring into the distance (or occasionally straight into your eyes) with a blank look on her face. she's an intelligent, precocious child and sometimes when i'm around her i feel like i'm in the movie orphan (spoiler: full grown woman in little girls' body). she's articulate for her age and her parents say it's because she reads so much. she's in 1st grade (skipped kindergarten) and has already read all the harry potter books. even so, i feel like she knows way more than possible for someone so young. she's never shown any aggression or violence toward anyone, but i feel like she's not normal. i once saw her picking hairs off a family member's jacket and putting them in a little plastic baggy. this girl has a mason jar full of chicken bones on her night stand. i'm not making this up. every time her family eats a rotisserie chicken, she picks out the bones she "likes" and puts them in the jar. i am 19 years old and terrified of a this small child. i get uneasy even going to their house because i'm afraid i'll see her in the corner counting her little bird bones. wibta if i suggested my brother take her to therapy? the rest of my family just thinks she's a normal, kooky kid and that she'll grow out of her creepy tendencies. am i wrong for thinking that there's something not okay with her? [/INST] yta. that girl needs to be put into a science program, if anything. </s>
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AITA for asking my roommate to change her dog's name?
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i live with my roommate, "lisa". lisa lived in russia for at least the first several years of her life, and she and her parents then immigrated to the united states. lisa is a great roommate, we've had no issues.
she recently wanted to get a dog, and asked if i minded if she did. i said no. several months later she brought home a lab puppy. she's always taken care of him, and he hasn't caused any issues and is really very sweet. my issue is not at all with him. she's had him for a little over two weeks.
she didn't tell me his name until a few days ago, she said she hadn't decided. when she told me the name i felt uneasy. i don't want to say it but it's a very stereotypically russian name and with recent events i wasn't sure that was a good idea. i told her that and she brushed it off, said that she had always wanted a dog when she was growing up and that she had had this name picked out for years but wanted to make sure she thought it fit him.
i again told her i thought it was a bad idea with recent events people may get the wrong idea about her or what she supports, and that i would feel uncomfortable calling him that. she didn't listen so i eventually gave her an ultimatum, i would not live with the dog if that was his name. i don't want to have to explain that to everyone i meet or for them to immediately assume things about me, especially since he was born after everything happened.
she was shocked and got really upset at me, and has been storming around since then and refusing to talk to me, except for when she said she wouldn't be renewing the lease so i didn't have to worry about living with her or her dog.
some of my friends think i went too far but many agree with me and say she shouldn't be naming her dog that.
aita?
| 6,231 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vephd5/aita_for_asking_my_roommate_to_change_her_dogs/
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2022-06-17 20:36:44
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yta.
“my russian friend gave her pet a russian name and i think that’s bad because i don’t understand that many russian names are also common in neighboring countries because i’ve never heard of the ussr, or i don’t understand the concept of immigration / emigration.”
i’m assuming she named him vlad / vladimir. believe it or not, that name is not exclusive to putin. this whole thing is one of the more asinine things i’ve ever read on aita.
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is it voldemort? is that why you can't say it? if it is vladamir then yta that name's really pretty common.
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you’re being ridiculous. a russian name from a russian owner would not be unexpected.
you’re being prejudiced and bigotted.
yta
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yta if you’re kicking your roommate out for naming her dog vladimir
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yta
the us has a decent sized immigrant (or historically immigrant) russian community, and i've known many people in my life who have had "stereotypically" russian names.
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yta. this is really dumb despite the ukrainian conflict. just because it's a common russian name you're automatically pro russia? lol
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[removed]
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"you should change the name, it's too oriental"
"you should change the name, it's too black"
"you should change the name, it's too stereotypically russian"
does the top two seem assholelish? then so does the 3rd one.
yta
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i’m not completely understanding the issue with the name. am i to understand you feel uncomfortable because it’s a russian name? if so, yta.
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yta - so people are not allowed to acknowledge their own culture because the leader of their home country is terrible?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with my roommate, "lisa". lisa lived in russia for at least the first several years of her life, and she and her parents then immigrated to the united states. lisa is a great roommate, we've had no issues. she recently wanted to get a dog, and asked if i minded if she did. i said no. several months later she brought home a lab puppy. she's always taken care of him, and he hasn't caused any issues and is really very sweet. my issue is not at all with him. she's had him for a little over two weeks. she didn't tell me his name until a few days ago, she said she hadn't decided. when she told me the name i felt uneasy. i don't want to say it but it's a very stereotypically russian name and with recent events i wasn't sure that was a good idea. i told her that and she brushed it off, said that she had always wanted a dog when she was growing up and that she had had this name picked out for years but wanted to make sure she thought it fit him. i again told her i thought it was a bad idea with recent events people may get the wrong idea about her or what she supports, and that i would feel uncomfortable calling him that. she didn't listen so i eventually gave her an ultimatum, i would not live with the dog if that was his name. i don't want to have to explain that to everyone i meet or for them to immediately assume things about me, especially since he was born after everything happened. she was shocked and got really upset at me, and has been storming around since then and refusing to talk to me, except for when she said she wouldn't be renewing the lease so i didn't have to worry about living with her or her dog. some of my friends think i went too far but many agree with me and say she shouldn't be naming her dog that. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with my roommate, "lisa". lisa lived in russia for at least the first several years of her life, and she and her parents then immigrated to the united states. lisa is a great roommate, we've had no issues. she recently wanted to get a dog, and asked if i minded if she did. i said no. several months later she brought home a lab puppy. she's always taken care of him, and he hasn't caused any issues and is really very sweet. my issue is not at all with him. she's had him for a little over two weeks. she didn't tell me his name until a few days ago, she said she hadn't decided. when she told me the name i felt uneasy. i don't want to say it but it's a very stereotypically russian name and with recent events i wasn't sure that was a good idea. i told her that and she brushed it off, said that she had always wanted a dog when she was growing up and that she had had this name picked out for years but wanted to make sure she thought it fit him. i again told her i thought it was a bad idea with recent events people may get the wrong idea about her or what she supports, and that i would feel uncomfortable calling him that. she didn't listen so i eventually gave her an ultimatum, i would not live with the dog if that was his name. i don't want to have to explain that to everyone i meet or for them to immediately assume things about me, especially since he was born after everything happened. she was shocked and got really upset at me, and has been storming around since then and refusing to talk to me, except for when she said she wouldn't be renewing the lease so i didn't have to worry about living with her or her dog. some of my friends think i went too far but many agree with me and say she shouldn't be naming her dog that. aita? [/INST] yta. “my russian friend gave her pet a russian name and i think that’s bad because i don’t understand that many russian names are also common in neighboring countries because i’ve never heard of the ussr, or i don’t understand the concept of immigration / emigration.” i’m assuming she named him vlad / vladimir. believe it or not, that name is not exclusive to putin. this whole thing is one of the more asinine things i’ve ever read on aita. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend that the food based gift card she bought for my birthday is wasteful and obnoxious?
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i (23m) just had my birthday two days ago, i don’t care much for birthdays but my friends and family still celebrate it. one of my close friends couldn’t attend due to exams but she sent me a link for a food subscription box based gift card that was like goddamn 100 bucks and although it was supposed to be a nice gesture i just felt that it was wasteful. maybe it was the way i was raised but i just couldn’t fathom spending 100 dollars just on food itself , i complained or rather vented about it to our mutual friend during the birthday event and he snitched on me. the friend who sent the gift card was really disappointed and texted me that she was sorry that i didn’t enjoy it but her reasoning was that because i liked food in general i could perhaps use it to treat myself. i told her while i appreciated it , it just seems excessive and that too just on something frivolous like food. she also knows that i’m financially conscious and thrifty so i don’t know why she still did this. this just escalated the situation and now she hasn’t replied back. my mutual friend conveyed to me that i was being a bit rude and i should apologise but i don’t exactly know if i’m in the wrong for feeling this way.
| 4,332 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zd79fv/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_the_food_based/
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2022-12-05 13:51:47
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yta for complaining about a gift. you do realize that multiple trips to the market will eventually add up to $100. it's not like you were give $100 to spend on a single meal. it's a subscription service that will feed you over a period of time which i assume you'd spend a similar amount on food over that same time period.
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didn't realize food, something we all need to continue living, was a "frivolous" thing. yta -say thank you and re-gift it if you really don't want it
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yta. i couldn't imagine complaining about a thoughtful gift someone bought me. why does it matter if you are "financially conscious"? it's not your money. just say thank you, eat the food and move on... if anything you could thank them and just kindly say it's not necessary to spend that amount next year!
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as a fellow sulphur based lifeform, i also find food frivolous as i exist entirely on energy from the sun and stray cell phone radiation. so you are fine.
i mean, unless you are a carbon based lifeform in which case yta.
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yta
how ungrateful!
those boxes are a great way to try new food...cook a meal,with some friends and all enjoy it.
100 is not a lot to spend on food!
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yta
something frivolous like food? lol. i mean, try living without it. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
but seriously, yta. it's your friend's money to spend how they want, so you really have no moral high ground here. you should apologize for being ta and thank them appropriately. it's a thoughtful gift. i mean, it's food, not a $100 paperweight.
and the friend who "snitched" was probably just so taken aback by your rudeness that they had to talk about it.
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yta - i think that was a very nice gift she gave you. she probably saw you eating cheaper food, and thought (entirely justifiably) that you might enjoy the opportunity to eat nicer things that you otherwise wouldn't have got for yourself.
out of curiosity: if you think spending $100 on food is "wasteful", then what's your idea of a gift that *isn't* wasteful?
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yta - but i’m sure you have spent more than $100 on food. this isn’t a single $100 meal, it’s several meals. why do you think food is frivolous? it’s literally a requirement to continue living…
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yta
how is food frivolous? you need to eat. it was a really nice gesture and you bad mouthed someone who thought that she was giving you something nice. you were a bit rude and should apologize. acting this way will lose you friends.
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yta and incredibly ungrateful.
and who the hell "vents" to someone about the gift they received from a mutual friend? what you were doing is trash-talking your friend for getting you a generous gift, based in her knowledge of your likes, that for some reason you felt was wasteful as if the 100 bucks came out of your pocket instead of hers.
i'm not sure if maybe you're neurodivergent and this stems from not quite aligning with common social behavior, but the fact you even wonder if you're the ah and so far have refused to apologize, is weird otherwise.
p.s: if you don't care for your birthday and don't like celebrating it, tell friends and family that so they can stop wasting their energy trying to show you love only to be punched in the face by your attitude. you're an adult.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23m) just had my birthday two days ago, i don’t care much for birthdays but my friends and family still celebrate it. one of my close friends couldn’t attend due to exams but she sent me a link for a food subscription box based gift card that was like goddamn 100 bucks and although it was supposed to be a nice gesture i just felt that it was wasteful. maybe it was the way i was raised but i just couldn’t fathom spending 100 dollars just on food itself , i complained or rather vented about it to our mutual friend during the birthday event and he snitched on me. the friend who sent the gift card was really disappointed and texted me that she was sorry that i didn’t enjoy it but her reasoning was that because i liked food in general i could perhaps use it to treat myself. i told her while i appreciated it , it just seems excessive and that too just on something frivolous like food. she also knows that i’m financially conscious and thrifty so i don’t know why she still did this. this just escalated the situation and now she hasn’t replied back. my mutual friend conveyed to me that i was being a bit rude and i should apologise but i don’t exactly know if i’m in the wrong for feeling this way.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23m) just had my birthday two days ago, i don’t care much for birthdays but my friends and family still celebrate it. one of my close friends couldn’t attend due to exams but she sent me a link for a food subscription box based gift card that was like goddamn 100 bucks and although it was supposed to be a nice gesture i just felt that it was wasteful. maybe it was the way i was raised but i just couldn’t fathom spending 100 dollars just on food itself , i complained or rather vented about it to our mutual friend during the birthday event and he snitched on me. the friend who sent the gift card was really disappointed and texted me that she was sorry that i didn’t enjoy it but her reasoning was that because i liked food in general i could perhaps use it to treat myself. i told her while i appreciated it , it just seems excessive and that too just on something frivolous like food. she also knows that i’m financially conscious and thrifty so i don’t know why she still did this. this just escalated the situation and now she hasn’t replied back. my mutual friend conveyed to me that i was being a bit rude and i should apologise but i don’t exactly know if i’m in the wrong for feeling this way. [/INST] yta for complaining about a gift. you do realize that multiple trips to the market will eventually add up to $100. it's not like you were give $100 to spend on a single meal. it's a subscription service that will feed you over a period of time which i assume you'd spend a similar amount on food over that same time period. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepdaughter she’s absolutely under no circumstances allowed to switch out my cats food for vegan food even though she’s losing weight because the sight of normal cat food makes her sick?
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sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home.
since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless.
my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick.
we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away.
her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food.
my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting.
| 25,074 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ghwz34/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_shes_absolutely/
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2020-05-11 21:34:18
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nta.
veterinary nurse here. as explained above, cats are obligate carnivores, they absolutely need the taurine that only meat can provide. cats cant thrive on a vegan diet. my mom is a pretty hardcore vegan and still feeds all her pets a species appropriate diet because she aware that's what they need to be the healthiest they can be.
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nta cats are obligate carnivores and they will sicken and die without meat.
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nta. pets can, and have, died whe irresponsible owners force their dietary beliefs on them.
cats aren't made to be vegan. she is being unreasonable, plus it's your house - she shouldn't be making all these demands on you at all.
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nta.
cats cannot under any circumstances be vegan. they need meat. i have a vegan friends who still feed their cats meat because it's their choice to be vegan, not the cats who couldn't be even if he was sentient enough to want to be.
if she cares about animals and the environment so much, why would she want to actually harm a cat by feeding it unsuitable food? why does she have to be in the room while the cat is eating his meat? cat meat smells gross sure and that's probably worse for a vegan. but she doesn't have to watch the cat eat.
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nta. i was vegan for a while and know many vegans and all are able to be in a room while other people or animals are eating meat--it's nearly impossible to live a life in vegan isolation. plus, if she gets sick just seeing mango eat a dry biscuit, is buying vegan cat food really going to solve the problem?
this is pure speculation without more information, but is it possible your stepdaughter has some mental/emotional issues (an eating disorder, ocd) that are causing her to get sick and lose weight and that she is blaming on the cat? or is it possible she is hoping her dad or grandmother will take pity on her and put a down payment on that new house before she can afford it herself?
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nta. this chick is the reason people hate vegans
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throw the whole stepdaugher out. nta.
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you’re stepdaughter: “im so vegan, i vomit at the sight of animal cruelty”
also your stepdaughter: “please perform animal cruelty on your pet for my personal comfort”
my kitty gets fed mostly a diet of pig hearts, which i buy whole and chop for her in my kitchen, if you feel like being really passive aggressive and having a super healthy cat.
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it sounds like your stepdaughter has an eating disorder and is using the cat’s food/her own vegan diet as an excuse. it’s hard to convince someone to change but you should be aware this might be happening.
nta, of course you can’t put a cat on a vegan diet.
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nta. cats are obligate carnivores. that means they don't have a choice when it comes to eating meat. your husband needs to tell your stepdaughter this isn't up for discussion any longer. (and maybe get her to a doctor, because if she can't deal with even the slightest exposure to meat, she's going to have a rough time of it.)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home. since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless. my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick. we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away. her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food. my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sorry for the appalling title. my stepdaughter is living with my husband and i for the next year. shes an educated young professional who’s saving up to buy her own home. since she’s moved in with us (past 3 months) she’s become increasingly snappy and unhappy with how her dad and i run our lives. we aren’t environmentally conscious enough because we don’t compost our waste, we are negligent because we leave lights on when we leave our home for security reasons, we should switch to electric cars, we are contributing to the inhumane treatment of cows by consuming dairy, the list is endless. my cat mango is getting to be an old ass man and he has lived a full life of eating whatever the fuck he likes (obviously within what’s safe for a cat) and hes happy that way. my stepdaughter is now insisting she will purchase vegan cat food because seeing mango eat meat makes her sick. we feed him in the kitchen and she will literally throw up / retch/ leave the kitchen if she sees him eat meat. she has lost a lot of weight since claiming that seeing mango eat meat makes her sick, and we leave out dry biscuits for him to snack on which also makes her sick. it’s not like we leave mess out but even if she smells his food in the am (which is gross, yeah, but the doors are open and that’s just life if you have a pet) she will heave and walk away. her dad and i both told her if she’s unhappy with it she needs to find someplace else to live and although we are genuinely sorry she’s lost her appetite and has lost weight we aren’t going to change mangos lifestyle- she has yelled, cursed at us, cried, begged, etc, but no, we are not happy with mango eating a vegan diet. we don’t feed him cheap crap either, we feed him food quality cat food that isn’t processed or full of sugar or grain. it’s pretty much gourmet gordon ramsey worthy cat food. my mil has waded in after my stepdaughter told her we were being unfair by refusing to let mango go on her preferred diet for him, and is accusing us of being cruel and shortsighted. she says we are letting her get sick, and that mango won’t hurt from a change in diet but stepdaughter is hurting. [/INST] nta. veterinary nurse here. as explained above, cats are obligate carnivores, they absolutely need the taurine that only meat can provide. cats cant thrive on a vegan diet. my mom is a pretty hardcore vegan and still feeds all her pets a species appropriate diet because she aware that's what they need to be the healthiest they can be. </s>
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AITA for logging into my mom and aunts Facebook accounts and stopping a ridiculous and deeply revealing and embarrassing flame war they had going on?
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using a throwaway since i don't want to risk my mom and aunts privacy.
i guess it's been 8 or 9 years that i set up my mom and aunts facebook accounts, for both i used the same password which i came to find out, neither has changed. they are so typical "old people facebook" it's not even funny.
they live two doors down from each other but haven't spoken in months over some slight that i don't really understand. i didn't want to get involved. but on thursday my aunt posted a family picture and tagged my mom. this led to the most embarrassing old person flame war i've ever seen. it started off with jabs and deceased into accusations of each of the sleeping with different cousins growing up, my grandpa using lsd in the 60s, car wrecks, pet theft, illegimate children and other little things. thier other siblings and cousins begged them to stop but then that woukd start side flame wars that caused other issues.
finally i had enough because they were talking around but still insulting me and my pregnant wife. just to test it out, i logged into my moms, then my aunts and just deleted the picture and comment thread. then i changed the password on each account. i went by and put a note on each of thier doors explaining i had thier accounts and i'd give them back when they grew up. i haven't heard from either of them.
my sister (who got called a "tr-mp fucker" in the war, so her reaction really surprises me) said i way overstepped my boundaries. i probably did but was i the asshole?
edit spelling
| 3,486 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c7ceui/aita_for_logging_into_my_mom_and_aunts_facebook/
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2019-06-30 12:01:21
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yta because i wish my family was that interesting.
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esh. technically you all breached privacy. do they suck more? yes. plus there’s not much to stop them from making second accounts and to keep on going. but just for fun, could you change their passwords again? mom’s: auntisthebest aunt’s: momisthebest
side note- it does really suck when the adults become the kids. sorry you’re dealing with that.
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you’re the asshole for not providing us with screenshots. but nta.
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esh. would have been funnier if you’d just changed the privacy so only they could see it and then let the argument continue.
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nta. when adults act like children then sometimes you have to treat them as such. maybe a break from fb will give them time to cool off. you can explain to them that airing each other’s dirty laundry online is not the best way to go about things.
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i'm super confused. is "tr-mp fucker" trump fucker? tramp fucker? either way, why is that the bleeped word, but fucker is fine?
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nta it sounds like they don’t really grasp just how public social media is. any of this could come back to bite you or a family member in the ass one day. i think you did the right thing by ending it. i also think you should talk to them about social media and just how public and accessible everything is.
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esh, but!!!!!!!!!!!!
this i also feel needs a new classification here. yes, you were an asshole. but sometimes the world needs an asshole to deal with people being idiots.
you were not the asshole we wanted, but the asshole we needed.
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nta. that was a mission of mercy on behalf of the rest of the internet.
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this is too entertaining for me to judge. all i know is i support your decision, because it's funny.
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null | 0.545815 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a throwaway since i don't want to risk my mom and aunts privacy. i guess it's been 8 or 9 years that i set up my mom and aunts facebook accounts, for both i used the same password which i came to find out, neither has changed. they are so typical "old people facebook" it's not even funny. they live two doors down from each other but haven't spoken in months over some slight that i don't really understand. i didn't want to get involved. but on thursday my aunt posted a family picture and tagged my mom. this led to the most embarrassing old person flame war i've ever seen. it started off with jabs and deceased into accusations of each of the sleeping with different cousins growing up, my grandpa using lsd in the 60s, car wrecks, pet theft, illegimate children and other little things. thier other siblings and cousins begged them to stop but then that woukd start side flame wars that caused other issues. finally i had enough because they were talking around but still insulting me and my pregnant wife. just to test it out, i logged into my moms, then my aunts and just deleted the picture and comment thread. then i changed the password on each account. i went by and put a note on each of thier doors explaining i had thier accounts and i'd give them back when they grew up. i haven't heard from either of them. my sister (who got called a "tr-mp fucker" in the war, so her reaction really surprises me) said i way overstepped my boundaries. i probably did but was i the asshole? edit spelling
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway since i don't want to risk my mom and aunts privacy. i guess it's been 8 or 9 years that i set up my mom and aunts facebook accounts, for both i used the same password which i came to find out, neither has changed. they are so typical "old people facebook" it's not even funny. they live two doors down from each other but haven't spoken in months over some slight that i don't really understand. i didn't want to get involved. but on thursday my aunt posted a family picture and tagged my mom. this led to the most embarrassing old person flame war i've ever seen. it started off with jabs and deceased into accusations of each of the sleeping with different cousins growing up, my grandpa using lsd in the 60s, car wrecks, pet theft, illegimate children and other little things. thier other siblings and cousins begged them to stop but then that woukd start side flame wars that caused other issues. finally i had enough because they were talking around but still insulting me and my pregnant wife. just to test it out, i logged into my moms, then my aunts and just deleted the picture and comment thread. then i changed the password on each account. i went by and put a note on each of thier doors explaining i had thier accounts and i'd give them back when they grew up. i haven't heard from either of them. my sister (who got called a "tr-mp fucker" in the war, so her reaction really surprises me) said i way overstepped my boundaries. i probably did but was i the asshole? edit spelling [/INST] yta because i wish my family was that interesting. </s>
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WIBTA if I said something to my sons prek about him not getting a single egg at their egg hunt today?
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so i'm pretty pissed off right now. my son is 3 and goes to a pre k program with some kids upt age 5. today they had a nice easter egg hunt. i had to work today so i couldn't attend but they asked each kids parent send at least 14 eggs for the hunt. i love school functions like this. i wish i could have been there. so we sent some extra eggs with him and some cupcakes. his father got there late. well he just texted me saying he didnt get one damn egg. the bigger kids just steam rolled the smaller kids and all had 30+ eggs each. he said he got there right when they started and our son was pushed over by the bigger kids and just started crying. he didnt get a single egg. the teachers didnt supervise this at all. i'm not saying he needed a lot of eggs, but one fucking egg. hes the only kid with no eggs. my so said they're now sitting there our so is crying as all the other kids are opening eggs. i'm beyond pissed they didnt supervise this better. i need to know of i'm over reacting before i call up there and just let them have a piece of my mind.
| 20,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/benjes/wibta_if_i_said_something_to_my_sons_prek_about/
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2019-04-18 16:24:19
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nta, there really should be someone making sure this is at least something resembling fair. something that was supposed to be fun ended up making people feel worse so maybe it should be addressed.
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nta- both of my kids have had school egg hunts, and there was always a limit to how many eggs each person could get. once you had your limit, you could help friends find eggs, but no more for you.
&#x200b;
they also should not have had 5 and 3 year olds together without proper supervision for any event of any kind. there is such a huge size and maturity difference between 5 and 3. so even if your son had gotten eggs, that part would still have been unacceptable.
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wait... each parent sent in fourteen eggs? in a perfect scenario, each kid would then come home with 14eggs each. i can't imagine a grade school kid being able to eat 14 eggs, let alone 30.
most easter egg hunts are divided into age groups and have limits as to how many each child can "find". every year, i color code my eggs so each grand child can only "find" their assigned color. your color is orange? then you can't have that blue one, etc. keeps it fair.
i would pitch a fit, too. i find it bizarre there would be absolutely no supervision? what were the teachers doing while the kids were doing this? i would deal specifically with your kids teacher first along with the principal. you can't expect a fifth grader would respect a four year old's limitations on an easter egg hunt.
i actually probably would have pitched a fit at being expected to provide fourteen freaking eggs
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info: why isn't your so handling matters, especially since he's right there on the spot and witnessed it himself? why didn't he do anything as it was happening?
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nta - i am normally anti participation awards and annoyed at the everyone gets a whatever so no one feels bad mentality. however, this is absurd. the teachers handled this extremely poorly. there should have been an egg finding limit....then each kid gets to have some. the kids are 3, this is not the age to welcome them to the real world of fairness not being a real thing.
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nta, always breaks my heart seeing my babies cry over something that was suppose to be fun because of poor planning on the other end. poor guy, hope he has other opportunities to have fun around easter. i’d raise some hell on ‘em for a few minutes.
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nta. at first i thought oh this is an overreacting parent, but when i read more it's clear that the teachers just wanted to ignore the kids for awhile and let the little ones get trampled over.
most egg hunts will let the little ones search for a little first, then release the big kids, or at least help the three year olds find a solitary damn egg.
i hope your son feels better soon.
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nta
last year, i was a prek teacher with the same age group. i was very careful about supervising our egg hunt. in fact, before it started, i took all the older kids aside and told them to remember we had little friends and it would make them sad if the big kids found all the eggs. since most kids tend to be pretty compassionate, they of course didn’t want to make their little friends sad. so when i saw them start to get over excited and steam roll over the younger ones, i just to say “timmy, remember what we talked about” and they would back off. a lot of them even took the smaller kids by the hand and showed them where to find the egg they were about to grab. and when an egg was found, it was put in a communal basket that myself and my teaching aids then split equally between all the kids. and guess what....all the older kids had fun anyway and all the younger kids had fun.
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nta. they definitely should have supervised better and maybe broken the age groups up a little. the fact that so many were sent and he didn't get one is horrible.
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nta, what the hell sort of lesson are they trying to teach the kids!?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm pretty pissed off right now. my son is 3 and goes to a pre k program with some kids upt age 5. today they had a nice easter egg hunt. i had to work today so i couldn't attend but they asked each kids parent send at least 14 eggs for the hunt. i love school functions like this. i wish i could have been there. so we sent some extra eggs with him and some cupcakes. his father got there late. well he just texted me saying he didnt get one damn egg. the bigger kids just steam rolled the smaller kids and all had 30+ eggs each. he said he got there right when they started and our son was pushed over by the bigger kids and just started crying. he didnt get a single egg. the teachers didnt supervise this at all. i'm not saying he needed a lot of eggs, but one fucking egg. hes the only kid with no eggs. my so said they're now sitting there our so is crying as all the other kids are opening eggs. i'm beyond pissed they didnt supervise this better. i need to know of i'm over reacting before i call up there and just let them have a piece of my mind.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i'm pretty pissed off right now. my son is 3 and goes to a pre k program with some kids upt age 5. today they had a nice easter egg hunt. i had to work today so i couldn't attend but they asked each kids parent send at least 14 eggs for the hunt. i love school functions like this. i wish i could have been there. so we sent some extra eggs with him and some cupcakes. his father got there late. well he just texted me saying he didnt get one damn egg. the bigger kids just steam rolled the smaller kids and all had 30+ eggs each. he said he got there right when they started and our son was pushed over by the bigger kids and just started crying. he didnt get a single egg. the teachers didnt supervise this at all. i'm not saying he needed a lot of eggs, but one fucking egg. hes the only kid with no eggs. my so said they're now sitting there our so is crying as all the other kids are opening eggs. i'm beyond pissed they didnt supervise this better. i need to know of i'm over reacting before i call up there and just let them have a piece of my mind. [/INST] nta, there really should be someone making sure this is at least something resembling fair. something that was supposed to be fun ended up making people feel worse so maybe it should be addressed. </s>
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AITA for ordering an expensive meal?
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my girlfriend and i are going through a rough patch at the moment and she threw this in my face during an argument. i don't think i'm the asshole necessarily but i want to get some other perspectives.
a while back my girlfriend's friend paid off her student loans and decided to celebrate by taking one month of loan payments' worth of money and treating some friends out to dinner. there were 6 of us, including her. the most important thing to understand here is that when we all sat down, she told us the money was specifically set aside for this dinner, so please order whatever we wanted. she also ordered several appetizers for the table and said she would pay for up to 2 alcoholic drinks per person. the restaurant was a midrange steakhouse.
when it got to me i ordered the ribeye which was not the most expensive item on the menu. from previous conversations with my girlfriend i knew that the friend's monthly loan payment was $500, so she had that amount set aside for the dinner. 500 ÷ 6 ≈ 83 so with 6 people, everyone could spend up to $83 without going over the amount set aside for the dinner. i did some quick mental math on what everyone had ordered and we were still well below that threshold, so i felt comfortable adding a lobster tail to my meal. very important note: my entrees did not exceed $83.
no one said anything about it, but my girlfriend lit into me when we got home and said i embarrassed her and that i took advantage of her friend. i told her that her friend had said to get whatever we wanted and i explained to her that the math worked out so it was okay.
my girlfriend's argument is that "get whatever you want" doesn't mean a second entree and that i should have gotten the surf and turf if i wanted lobster. my belief is that "get whatever you want" means exactly that, that i did my due diligence in making sure the cost wouldn't go over the amount she had set aside, and that the friend had set aside that money specifically for the dinner so she wasn't expecting to have any of it left. aita? this issue has been a thorn in my side for a long time.
| 7,185 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvt8ha/aita_for_ordering_an_expensive_meal/
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2020-11-17 13:47:08
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yta. "get whatever you want" does not mean "go out of your way to spend as much of your friend's money as you can." and not even *your* friend, but your girlfriend's friend?? you were a courtesy invite and you did napkin math to order the most expensive thing you could on the host's dime? holy shit, dude.
by the way, i can't help but notice that you didn't factor tip into your calculation.
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yta
there are a couple of factors at play here.
first off, this was your girlfriend's friend, not yours, so if i were you i would have been slightly reluctant to assume she'd want to be as generous to me as she would with her friends. i would see myself as more of a courtesy invite.
secondly, just because she said she'd put the money aside, doesn't mean you *had to aim* for the maximum allowed amount. if one of my friends was treating me to dinner, even if they said they had a large budget, i still wouldn't want to spend that much. aside from anything, i would think it would be nice for my friend who was treating me to in fact come out of it with more cash than they expected, so they could treat themselves.
so by my metric, either you were an inconsiderate plus one, or an inconsiderate friend, who took as much as they thought they could get.
sure, if we stick to technicalities (she said "get whatever you want", you "did [your] due diligence in making sure the cost wouldn't go over the amount she had set aside") then you're technically okay. but on a basic social/interpersonal/moral level you're kind of an asshole.
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yta you said further up in the thread everyone's meals was about 45 bucks, so plus tip, plus drinks, plus apps, that to me sounds around 80 bucks a person. you said you ordered two entrees so even if those two entrees were 55 or 60 together, well under the 83 dollar threshold you counted, it would end up near 90-100 bucks for you. also, when someone else is paying it is extremely rude to be the most expensive meal at the table by a decent margin which it sounds like you were.
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yta. it was pretty tacky to calculate how much you could get out of a generous offer.
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yta
" from previous conversations with my girlfriend i knew that the friend's monthly loan payment was $500, so she had that amount set aside for the dinner. 500 ÷ 6 ≈ 83 so with 6 people, everyone could spend up to $83 without going over the amount set aside for the dinner. i did some quick mental math on what everyone had ordered and we were still well below that threshold, so i felt comfortable adding a lobster tail to my meal. "
who does this? you paid attention to what everyone ordered and the price so you could use up as much money as possible? also, $83 per person doesn't mean $83 per entree. there were the apps, drinks, tax, and tip.
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yta you gauge the room and see what everyone else orders. you are classless and took advantage the friend’s generosity.
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you got two entrees?! of course yta. don’t be oblivious.
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yta because you abused a person's generosity. if you really needed the lobster tail you should have offered to pay for that seperately and left the rest of the bill to be settled by the friend. ordering considerably more than anybody else is arsehole behaviour, unless you offer to make up the difference yourself. others ordering less does not mean that you can order more without looking like an arsehole. just because the friend had a budget doesn't mean you have to ensure it is *all* used. moderation is a virtue. yta. bigtime.
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yta - dude, the fact that you worked out in your head what you could get is reason enough for me to grant you asshole status, when someone says ‘get whatever you want’ most people don’t order beluga caviar and wagyu beef just because they can
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info: how did what you ordered in total compare with everyone else at table (especially host)?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i are going through a rough patch at the moment and she threw this in my face during an argument. i don't think i'm the asshole necessarily but i want to get some other perspectives. a while back my girlfriend's friend paid off her student loans and decided to celebrate by taking one month of loan payments' worth of money and treating some friends out to dinner. there were 6 of us, including her. the most important thing to understand here is that when we all sat down, she told us the money was specifically set aside for this dinner, so please order whatever we wanted. she also ordered several appetizers for the table and said she would pay for up to 2 alcoholic drinks per person. the restaurant was a midrange steakhouse. when it got to me i ordered the ribeye which was not the most expensive item on the menu. from previous conversations with my girlfriend i knew that the friend's monthly loan payment was $500, so she had that amount set aside for the dinner. 500 ÷ 6 ≈ 83 so with 6 people, everyone could spend up to $83 without going over the amount set aside for the dinner. i did some quick mental math on what everyone had ordered and we were still well below that threshold, so i felt comfortable adding a lobster tail to my meal. very important note: my entrees did not exceed $83. no one said anything about it, but my girlfriend lit into me when we got home and said i embarrassed her and that i took advantage of her friend. i told her that her friend had said to get whatever we wanted and i explained to her that the math worked out so it was okay. my girlfriend's argument is that "get whatever you want" doesn't mean a second entree and that i should have gotten the surf and turf if i wanted lobster. my belief is that "get whatever you want" means exactly that, that i did my due diligence in making sure the cost wouldn't go over the amount she had set aside, and that the friend had set aside that money specifically for the dinner so she wasn't expecting to have any of it left. aita? this issue has been a thorn in my side for a long time.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i are going through a rough patch at the moment and she threw this in my face during an argument. i don't think i'm the asshole necessarily but i want to get some other perspectives. a while back my girlfriend's friend paid off her student loans and decided to celebrate by taking one month of loan payments' worth of money and treating some friends out to dinner. there were 6 of us, including her. the most important thing to understand here is that when we all sat down, she told us the money was specifically set aside for this dinner, so please order whatever we wanted. she also ordered several appetizers for the table and said she would pay for up to 2 alcoholic drinks per person. the restaurant was a midrange steakhouse. when it got to me i ordered the ribeye which was not the most expensive item on the menu. from previous conversations with my girlfriend i knew that the friend's monthly loan payment was $500, so she had that amount set aside for the dinner. 500 ÷ 6 ≈ 83 so with 6 people, everyone could spend up to $83 without going over the amount set aside for the dinner. i did some quick mental math on what everyone had ordered and we were still well below that threshold, so i felt comfortable adding a lobster tail to my meal. very important note: my entrees did not exceed $83. no one said anything about it, but my girlfriend lit into me when we got home and said i embarrassed her and that i took advantage of her friend. i told her that her friend had said to get whatever we wanted and i explained to her that the math worked out so it was okay. my girlfriend's argument is that "get whatever you want" doesn't mean a second entree and that i should have gotten the surf and turf if i wanted lobster. my belief is that "get whatever you want" means exactly that, that i did my due diligence in making sure the cost wouldn't go over the amount she had set aside, and that the friend had set aside that money specifically for the dinner so she wasn't expecting to have any of it left. aita? this issue has been a thorn in my side for a long time. [/INST] yta. "get whatever you want" does not mean "go out of your way to spend as much of your friend's money as you can." and not even *your* friend, but your girlfriend's friend?? you were a courtesy invite and you did napkin math to order the most expensive thing you could on the host's dime? holy shit, dude. by the way, i can't help but notice that you didn't factor tip into your calculation. </s>
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AITA For Standing Strong In A Restaurant And Making My Daughter Stick To Her Goal?
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hi all
**background info:**
our daughter is 13 and last year she put a lot of weight on. she admitted she wanted to go on a diet. i said she just needed to make healthy choices and really stick to them and that i would keep her accountable. we agreed that she would weigh once every two weeks, if she had lost 1.5lb or more she could have a cheat and the rest of the time we would eat healthy food, get plenty of exercise, etc.
**the restaurant:**
mil had her birthday in january at a grease spot in our area. when we weighed in daughter had put 2lbs on. we agreed that we needed to get back to healthier eating so no gorging at the restaurant. she agreed and her idea was to go one whole month junk food free.
we get to the restaurant, me and daughter had looked on online and planned our meals around what wasn't too high in calories. i can practically see everyone at the table rolling their eyes when i order water and no starter for me and daughter.
grandma orders all of daughter's trigger foods for the whole table -- stuff that i know she would never normally order for her own taste. daughter instinctively goes to eat some of the food. i remind her that we're making healthier choices this month, no junk food. i can tell the family is fuming that i encouraged her not to break and gorge herself with them.
when it came time for dessert daughter reached for a menu, i gently reminded her that we had healthy snacks at home. my husband and son ordered a dessert along with the rest of the table and at this point my sister-in-law made it a thing.
"so, op, it's just daughter who has to stick to your healthy lifestyle?"
"it's her goal and her choice. husband and son haven't said they want to lose weight and do a junk food free month."
"really? seemed like she wanted some of the food earlier. it seems like she wants a dessert too."
"sometimes it's not easy to stick to our goals without support."
"maybe you should just let your kid be a kid and worry about her weight a little less."
"maybe you should mind your business and worry about it a little less too."
i asked mil after to be more supportive of daughter's healthy eating and got a message saying, "next time you're having a junk free month maybe you shouldn't come to eat out." so the family are now excluding us from get togethers.
in-laws keep bringing the birthday meal up as an example of me being cruel, where as my friends agree that i'm doing what's best for daughter in the long-term. my husband says he can see everyone's point of view but is starting to feel that what happened at the restaurant was wrong on my part.
so reddit, aita?
| 3,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g31wgb/aita_for_standing_strong_in_a_restaurant_and/
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2020-04-17 13:22:19
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yta. i think it's good that you're encouraging her to eat well and manage her weight, and you're trying to do it in a generally positive way, but i think you picked the worst possible time to enforce your agreement, and i can see how it would have looked to the other guests.
if you haven't done this already, it would be worth talking to your daughter's doctor about how to go about helping her lose weight safely. some of these techniques - reproving her at restaurants in front of family, promising a "cheat" if she loses 1.5lb or more, "keeping her accountable," - could lead to an eating disorder.
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go ask your daughter if you were an asshole to her.
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esh. but there’s a bigger issue at play here.
look, i get you want your child to be healthy. but ... this sounds like an excellent way to fuck your child up for life, by teaching her disordered eating. i suggest you consult a doctor or at least do some research on how to help children lose weight.
your daughter can’t be the only one in your house eating differently. everyone eats healthy - you can be of average weight and be unhealthy. everyone works out. stop singling you’re teenaged daughter out, especially in her family unit.
you’re sending the message that she can eat what she wants when she weighs less. realistically, that’s not a healthy way to live.
again, i commend you for wanting a healthy lifestyle for your kid. but you’re not going about it the right way and you could cause real psychological damage.
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yta
your daughter’s weight gain (unless i’m missing something) can only really have a few causes.
1. it’s normal weight gain for someone going through puberty, and once she gets a bit taller, the pounds will drop off. this happens to many adolescents.
2. your family’s overall lifestyle isn’t healthy. at age 13, it’s fair to assume most of her food and physical activity cues come from the family. she isn’t able to drive to get fast food or make over-the-top unhealthy decisions on her own.
if it’s the first reason, promote a healthy body image and high self esteem! lord knows young girls need it. excessive focus on weight at such a young age is a recipe for a lifelong distorted body image.
if it’s the second reason, your whole family needs a lifestyle change (without a focus on weight loss, but on being healthy overall) not just you and your daughter.
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info: has a doctor weighed in on any of this? i've known a large number of kids that chunked out at 12/13 then promptly shot up 6 inches and it all stretched out.
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yta.
i get your intent comes from a good place, but you're essentially humiliating and making a spectacle out of your daughter in public - and that sucks.
as someone who was a fat kid: this is psychologically harmful. also, the motivation to lose weight needs to come from within her.
you were cruel not because of trying to keep her healthy, but because you made a spectacle out of it in front of the family.
also, if you do this, the entire family needs to be on board. if granny orders yummy snacks, it's right in front of your kid and you reprimand her for eating - yeah, that is pretty damn cruel.
either not take her to events like this, or make sure you plan them to be "cheat days" - following up the next week with more exercise and healthier food.
your kid is never going to have a healthy relationship with her body and with food if losing weight feels like a punishment, trust me.
on another note: i hope you are actually giving her balanced diet and not a "fad" one, ideally under medical supervision. or else that kid is two yo-yo diets away from struggling with weight all her life.
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yta. "showing support" does not mean humiliate her in front of the whole family. "showing support" does not mean depriving her of something she can enjoy only rarely. showing support is example. and you clearly don't understand it
i had a mother like you. i was obese. after i moved to college, without a depressing and constant harassment about my weight, without a fridge full of junk food that i continuously stole (and then i was humiliated for eating it, making me depressed and eating even more) i lost about 30 kgs.
you quite suck at parenting, go running with your daughter, encourage her in private, and don't ask her to do nothing you are not willing to do yourself. build a positive environment so she do not have to cope with binge eating. otherwise, her fat is on you
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info what’s not clear here is your daughter’s point of view, which is everything. if she‘s okay with your support you’re the hero. if not you’re the goat. which is it?
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yta- this whole story hurt my heart for that kid. everyone who grew up heavier knows what this dinner must have felt like and she is going to think of this moment when she’s older, that’s pretty much guaranteed. i had a really messed up relationship with food for many years, struggled with eating disorders and got really sick precisely because of comments like the mother was making through this meal.
i think people have already given a lot of great suggestions so i’ll just add in my two cents. what needs to be addressed here besides the shaming of any kind, whether public or private, is the way food is thought of by the family surrounding this girl. i don’t believe in “cheat days” or calling foods bad or good. that creates a scarcity mentality around sweets that leads to binging.
i think shifting the mentality around some foods being something you eat every day to feel healthy and energized and having other foods that you eat as a treat that are enjoyable and fun is necessary. vilifying food will only make her and your family want it more. dinners out with family and friends should have treats and can still include healthy elements. it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
there are a lot of great books and podcasts on intuitive eating- i suggest you start there. intuitive eating is not about weight loss necessarily but it sure will start to sort out the damage you have caused thus far. if your daughter has a healthy mindset around food, she will stop feeling like she has to punish herself with “good foods” and restrict after “bad foods”. always happy to share resources that might help if you want to message me.
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eh... i'm going with an esh. you didnt say she was overweight, just that she put a lot on. the vibe i'm getting here is that there is a lot more focus on weight than health.
maybe instead of making her feel like she was the only one that couldn't participate, you could have agreed to get in more exercise that week or something. she is still a kid and, unless there are health concerns, she shouldn't feel so isolated. i could be a little triggered though, this sounds similar to a situation that led someone i love to have an eating disorder.
also, the family sucks for drawing so much attention to the situation. that could have been a private discussion. it sounded like you against them and your daughter was just stuck in the middle.
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YTA
| null |
ESH
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.045361 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all **background info:** our daughter is 13 and last year she put a lot of weight on. she admitted she wanted to go on a diet. i said she just needed to make healthy choices and really stick to them and that i would keep her accountable. we agreed that she would weigh once every two weeks, if she had lost 1.5lb or more she could have a cheat and the rest of the time we would eat healthy food, get plenty of exercise, etc. **the restaurant:** mil had her birthday in january at a grease spot in our area. when we weighed in daughter had put 2lbs on. we agreed that we needed to get back to healthier eating so no gorging at the restaurant. she agreed and her idea was to go one whole month junk food free. we get to the restaurant, me and daughter had looked on online and planned our meals around what wasn't too high in calories. i can practically see everyone at the table rolling their eyes when i order water and no starter for me and daughter. grandma orders all of daughter's trigger foods for the whole table -- stuff that i know she would never normally order for her own taste. daughter instinctively goes to eat some of the food. i remind her that we're making healthier choices this month, no junk food. i can tell the family is fuming that i encouraged her not to break and gorge herself with them. when it came time for dessert daughter reached for a menu, i gently reminded her that we had healthy snacks at home. my husband and son ordered a dessert along with the rest of the table and at this point my sister-in-law made it a thing. "so, op, it's just daughter who has to stick to your healthy lifestyle?" "it's her goal and her choice. husband and son haven't said they want to lose weight and do a junk food free month." "really? seemed like she wanted some of the food earlier. it seems like she wants a dessert too." "sometimes it's not easy to stick to our goals without support." "maybe you should just let your kid be a kid and worry about her weight a little less." "maybe you should mind your business and worry about it a little less too." i asked mil after to be more supportive of daughter's healthy eating and got a message saying, "next time you're having a junk free month maybe you shouldn't come to eat out." so the family are now excluding us from get togethers. in-laws keep bringing the birthday meal up as an example of me being cruel, where as my friends agree that i'm doing what's best for daughter in the long-term. my husband says he can see everyone's point of view but is starting to feel that what happened at the restaurant was wrong on my part. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all **background info:** our daughter is 13 and last year she put a lot of weight on. she admitted she wanted to go on a diet. i said she just needed to make healthy choices and really stick to them and that i would keep her accountable. we agreed that she would weigh once every two weeks, if she had lost 1.5lb or more she could have a cheat and the rest of the time we would eat healthy food, get plenty of exercise, etc. **the restaurant:** mil had her birthday in january at a grease spot in our area. when we weighed in daughter had put 2lbs on. we agreed that we needed to get back to healthier eating so no gorging at the restaurant. she agreed and her idea was to go one whole month junk food free. we get to the restaurant, me and daughter had looked on online and planned our meals around what wasn't too high in calories. i can practically see everyone at the table rolling their eyes when i order water and no starter for me and daughter. grandma orders all of daughter's trigger foods for the whole table -- stuff that i know she would never normally order for her own taste. daughter instinctively goes to eat some of the food. i remind her that we're making healthier choices this month, no junk food. i can tell the family is fuming that i encouraged her not to break and gorge herself with them. when it came time for dessert daughter reached for a menu, i gently reminded her that we had healthy snacks at home. my husband and son ordered a dessert along with the rest of the table and at this point my sister-in-law made it a thing. "so, op, it's just daughter who has to stick to your healthy lifestyle?" "it's her goal and her choice. husband and son haven't said they want to lose weight and do a junk food free month." "really? seemed like she wanted some of the food earlier. it seems like she wants a dessert too." "sometimes it's not easy to stick to our goals without support." "maybe you should just let your kid be a kid and worry about her weight a little less." "maybe you should mind your business and worry about it a little less too." i asked mil after to be more supportive of daughter's healthy eating and got a message saying, "next time you're having a junk free month maybe you shouldn't come to eat out." so the family are now excluding us from get togethers. in-laws keep bringing the birthday meal up as an example of me being cruel, where as my friends agree that i'm doing what's best for daughter in the long-term. my husband says he can see everyone's point of view but is starting to feel that what happened at the restaurant was wrong on my part. so reddit, aita? [/INST] yta. i think it's good that you're encouraging her to eat well and manage her weight, and you're trying to do it in a generally positive way, but i think you picked the worst possible time to enforce your agreement, and i can see how it would have looked to the other guests. if you haven't done this already, it would be worth talking to your daughter's doctor about how to go about helping her lose weight safely. some of these techniques - reproving her at restaurants in front of family, promising a "cheat" if she loses 1.5lb or more, "keeping her accountable," - could lead to an eating disorder. </s>
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AITA for laughing after my sister implied my brother's girlfriend's dish wasn't good at Thanksgiving?
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i, 27f and my brother "john" 26m are very close, so i was definitely shocked when he surprised us on thanksgiving by bringing his new girlfriend "chelsea".
he was very happy though, and tbh, that's the only thing we want for him, so we (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins) held off on all questions until another time.
anyway, dinner time rolls around and we're sharing everything, and my aunt kinda pulls me off to the side and tells me we're not gonna be eating my mashed potatoes because chelsea brought some and john asked that we serve those.
i was a little peeved not gonna lie, because i've done the mashed potatoes for thanksgiving since i was sixteen, but i got over it pretty fast. i really didn't care as long as they were good.
spoiler alert, they were not.
everything that could've gone wrong with those potatoes went wrong.
they were raisins.
she was really excited though so when she asked everybody if they were good she got some "mmhhmms."
you know, the kind you do with your mouth closed and an uncomfortable smile on your face.
everything else was good, so her dish was highlighted. we all thought we passed it though, until my nephew spit it out into a tissue.
she said something about not pleasing everybody to lighten the mood cause we were all looking at him hard as hell, and my brother went "i'm sure they glad to have a break from \[my\] potatoes anyway" and then laughed.
i wasn't gonna say anything, but my sister (22f) said "we are not" in the most monotone voice and i just laughed, man.
like one burst of a cackle.
chelsea teared up and the rest of the night was awkward. my brother called me an ass and is still mad at me.
aita?
| 21,245 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9f3xu/aita_for_laughing_after_my_sister_implied_my/
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2021-12-05 12:52:28
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nta
your brother is the asshole here. he set her up. he should’ve told the family he was bringing someone to dinner. he knew that you make mashed potatoes every year. he saw those raisins. and then he made that comment about your dish.
your
brother
set
her
up
you laughing at your sister’s comment is a result of your brother being dumb. if it’s the first time you bring a new girlfriend, you don’t have her make a dish. if she really needed to cook something, it should’ve been discussed with the family beforehand, not as a surprise. you better than me because i would’ve refused raisin potatoes and snuck my own potatoes out.
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raisins in mashed potatoes…. (quietly spits raisins into napkin).
there should have been *two* bowls of mashed potatoes offered. nta
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there were raisins?
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your brother was being an asshole by insulting your potatoes. your sister defended you. it is totally on your brother for opening that can of worms. i am actually a very stubborn person and would probably have refused to apologize. this was your brother's fault not yours.
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i had something similar happen to me this thanksgiving. my bf and i attended his and my families thanksgivings. i was asked to make an extra side dish for his family and i chose to make tuna noodles. well at 24 yrs old i just realized tuna noodles isn’t a ‘normal’ thanksgiving dish. as we served food at his families my tuna noodles were just left sitting the entire dinner, and when one of his younger cousins decided to try some he spit it out and everyone kind of chuckled. it hurt my feelings, but it comes down to realizing that people have different tastes. my family loves those noodles and his family didn’t.
your brothers gfs family probably loves raisins in their taters, yours doesn’t. it was a bit rude of your sister, and you could’ve apologized more genuinely to lighten the situation, but i think there’s nah. it sucks most for the gf because she went out of her way to make something to contribute and got teased instead. but yeah everyone has different tastes, maybe she’d taste your mashed potatoes and think they’re awful too haha
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info how in the world can you spoil mashed potatoes? you said they were raisins. does that ran they were overcooked and burnt,,?
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look, esh except your brothers gf. what, your family couldn't put two bowls of mashed potatos on the table?? that would have been totally uncouth, and the end of time? put out both bowls, people will do their "mmmms" and then just quietly eat yours. your sister is an asshole for her comment, and whether it was intentional or not it was an asshole thing to laugh, because that was humiliating for that girl. i think you're the smallest asshole here, i understand natural reactions happen, but it did make her feel bad, accidental or not. your brother is an asshole for setting her up by not telling her what she can reasonably bring and by comparing her potatos to yours to try to put yours down.
this poor girl.
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esh. or at least, everyone except the girlfriend is rude.
your brother for not checking what she could bring, and for saying what he did about your potatoes.
your sister, for her comment.
you for laughing.
and honestly, some of the people in this thread are rude as hell. would i be amped to have mashed potatoes with raisins? no. but she made an effort to contribute, and saying “get that child a cookbook” is so obnoxious and over the top. it’s not her fault her boyfriend didn’t communicate to her what to bring, or not to bring anything.
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nta your brother and sister kinda acted like assholes about both potatoes but laughing doesn't make you an asshole
do people put raisins in mash or is that just her thing?
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nta. your brother made the shitty comment about your potatoes and your sister had your back. i feel sorry for the gf, but it's not your fault her potatoes sucked.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NAH
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.200698 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i, 27f and my brother "john" 26m are very close, so i was definitely shocked when he surprised us on thanksgiving by bringing his new girlfriend "chelsea". he was very happy though, and tbh, that's the only thing we want for him, so we (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins) held off on all questions until another time. anyway, dinner time rolls around and we're sharing everything, and my aunt kinda pulls me off to the side and tells me we're not gonna be eating my mashed potatoes because chelsea brought some and john asked that we serve those. i was a little peeved not gonna lie, because i've done the mashed potatoes for thanksgiving since i was sixteen, but i got over it pretty fast. i really didn't care as long as they were good. spoiler alert, they were not. everything that could've gone wrong with those potatoes went wrong. they were raisins. she was really excited though so when she asked everybody if they were good she got some "mmhhmms." you know, the kind you do with your mouth closed and an uncomfortable smile on your face. everything else was good, so her dish was highlighted. we all thought we passed it though, until my nephew spit it out into a tissue. she said something about not pleasing everybody to lighten the mood cause we were all looking at him hard as hell, and my brother went "i'm sure they glad to have a break from \[my\] potatoes anyway" and then laughed. i wasn't gonna say anything, but my sister (22f) said "we are not" in the most monotone voice and i just laughed, man. like one burst of a cackle. chelsea teared up and the rest of the night was awkward. my brother called me an ass and is still mad at me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i, 27f and my brother "john" 26m are very close, so i was definitely shocked when he surprised us on thanksgiving by bringing his new girlfriend "chelsea". he was very happy though, and tbh, that's the only thing we want for him, so we (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins) held off on all questions until another time. anyway, dinner time rolls around and we're sharing everything, and my aunt kinda pulls me off to the side and tells me we're not gonna be eating my mashed potatoes because chelsea brought some and john asked that we serve those. i was a little peeved not gonna lie, because i've done the mashed potatoes for thanksgiving since i was sixteen, but i got over it pretty fast. i really didn't care as long as they were good. spoiler alert, they were not. everything that could've gone wrong with those potatoes went wrong. they were raisins. she was really excited though so when she asked everybody if they were good she got some "mmhhmms." you know, the kind you do with your mouth closed and an uncomfortable smile on your face. everything else was good, so her dish was highlighted. we all thought we passed it though, until my nephew spit it out into a tissue. she said something about not pleasing everybody to lighten the mood cause we were all looking at him hard as hell, and my brother went "i'm sure they glad to have a break from \[my\] potatoes anyway" and then laughed. i wasn't gonna say anything, but my sister (22f) said "we are not" in the most monotone voice and i just laughed, man. like one burst of a cackle. chelsea teared up and the rest of the night was awkward. my brother called me an ass and is still mad at me. aita? [/INST] nta your brother is the asshole here. he set her up. he should’ve told the family he was bringing someone to dinner. he knew that you make mashed potatoes every year. he saw those raisins. and then he made that comment about your dish. your brother set her up you laughing at your sister’s comment is a result of your brother being dumb. if it’s the first time you bring a new girlfriend, you don’t have her make a dish. if she really needed to cook something, it should’ve been discussed with the family beforehand, not as a surprise. you better than me because i would’ve refused raisin potatoes and snuck my own potatoes out. </s>
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AITA for not paying for the extra meal I accidentally ordered at a wedding?
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my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it.
at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well.
i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
| 24,365 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2cd5s/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_extra_meal_i/
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2019-09-10 18:54:44
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nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship.
>i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.
it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well.
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nta. i can’t believe they actually reached out to you about paying for the meal. how petty.
a child’s meal is obviously not going to be sufficient for a 16 year old. seriously.
if you do think this is going to blow up and damage your friendship with the bride and groom, i’d suck it up and pay though.
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nta -- you told them what meal you were expecting. they knew what meal you were expecting. the confusion of them changing your son's order is what cost them money, not you
a) they could have clarified before the wedding your son would be getting a kids meal (still rude imo, but it was possible to avoid confusion)
b) most restaurants have a kids meal cut off of \~13. maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like this applies to weddings...a sixteen year old eats as much food as a grown adult.
c) calling you after the wedding and asking you to pay them back just feels tacky. wedding meals get expensive but in the grand scheme of things, one extra meal is not the expense that sends them into bankruptcy compared to the cost of a wedding
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nta. in no circumstance would i ever assume that a 16 year old boy would eat off a kids menu. the fact that they changed the order, and then expect you to pay is ridiculous. it sounds like they spent more than they could afford on this wedding and are trying to recoup some of the costs. this is beyond petty of them.
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nta honestly who are these parents and brides who harass their guests after a wedding? it’s so pathetic and rude.
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nta 16 are not children.
seems like they were trying to nickle and dime there caterers
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nta - but the bride's parents actions are so over the top (they called you about this?! to what - scold you? ask you to pay??!) that i would go the route of being likewise over the top and graciously polite and insist on paying even though of course the parents weren't asking that and would no doubt not dream of making such an impolite request! $25 or whatever it costs is nothing to get these bizarre people off your back (assuming you are able to part with this amount without hardship - if you can't afford to pay then just politely say you do not feel obligated to pay, but apologise for the confusion).
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nta. who the actual fuck charges people to be a guest at their wedding?
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nta - they're being stingy assholes. you requested a meal on the invite for him and wasn't provided one.
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nta
there is no age cutoff for kids meals. you ordered 2 chicken meals, you ate 2 chicken meals.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sixteen year old son and i went to a wedding. when we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. there was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but i never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. i sent in the rsvp card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it. at the wedding, my son and i got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. the waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. the waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well. i later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that i had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. i told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. they said i should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that i should have asked for clarification if i wasn't sure. but i wasn't unsure, i never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. ten and under i would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up i would never think would have a kid's meal. the bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but i've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. wibta if i refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? i know wedding meals are expensive, but i think this was their mistake. [/INST] nta, but depending on how expensive it is it might be worth paying to salvage the relationship. >i think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old. it absolutely is, and it was rude to not inform you that they had changed his choice as well. </s>
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WIBTA for cutting off our daughter financially until she takes an active part in the family?
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i really hope we're not being /r/insaneparents but please comment if you think we are.
our daughter is in college right now and in her second year. my husband and i are paying for a portion of it and give her a monthly allowance of $1000 to help out because her school is out of state. so far it's been roughly 50% on us and 50% she needs to get grants or bursaries or loans for. she is choosing not to work right now and instead relying on the $1000 we send (her rent is around $200 for her room and the $800 remaining is up to her how to use).
we want to cut her off not because there was some incident but because she's basically ghosted us. nothing really prompted this. my last conversation with her was very cordial standard fare back in early september. likewise for my husband. we used to talk a lot, text every day, etc.
we send her a facebook message and get a read receipt but no response. no thank you for the money we send monthly, no happy thanksgiving (or birthday, mine was in october), nothing. at the very least we'd like to know she's okay, and we've expressed as much, but the outcome is always the same: left on read.
we have one of her best friends on facebook and we asked her what's up and she said she's doing fine, just busy with school. and that's fine, but not even a single message in 3 months?
i sent her a message two days ago that we feel taken advantage of and that our contribution to her schooling is unappreciated. we told her that next tuition payment is due end of december and we want to hear from her before we pay it. read within seconds but no response.
i don't know what to make of this. are we being the assholes? just a check in every once in a while is enough, we just have no idea what's going on.
| 3,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4klee/wibta_for_cutting_off_our_daughter_financially/
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2019-12-01 17:39:30
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yta
at this point i would be more concerned with why she has changed so much and then wonder if you still want to support her.
maybe she is just busy or overwhelmed.
or maybe she is just only sees you as reliable atms.
but find out first
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yta. what is with parents cutting off their child financially as the immediate reaction to any conflict with the kid? if you instantaneously jump to cutting off your child financially in response to any conflict, before exploring other options/issues, you don’t need aita. you need therapy to figure out why you are so manipulating & controlling.
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info have you called the college and done a welfare check? odd to not answer for 3 months. i would be concerned.
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yta if you just cut off her without investigating. i’d be more concerned with the change in behavior, and that definitely needs to be looked into, even if you just pop up one day at campus. behavior changes such as what you’ve said need to be addressed, not just “oh guess we’re cutting her off!!” because it could be a really large problem you don’t even know about
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nta, but i encourage you to pay december’s tuition payment, assuming it is for the fall semester, but not give her the allowance. she may be calling your bluff and i would hate for her to lose the progress (and you the money) if they dropped her from classes for nonpayment.
people have said kids in college are busy, and they are, but if she has no job, she could take the ten seconds to send “thx” when she gets her allowance. i used to use the walk back from night classes to catch up with my grandparents, and being on the phone made me feel a bit safer walking back from late night labs alone.
definitely let her know that you don’t feel appreciated and she will need to make alternative arrangements for spring semester
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info: will she be coming home for the holidays in a few weeks?
if so, that would be a good time to have a heart to heart talk to find out what is really going on.
why jump the gun and create drama?
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it rarely works out to use money as some sort of motivator for love or attention. sure, you may get some, but it will be given resentfully, not freely. using the tuition is a bad idea.
while i think it's weird/sad that the relationship has gone from every day to no contact, there could be a ton of reasons. seems like you should try to have a conversation about why you want the contact (i.e., i miss you) vs. using the leverage you have.
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info. she might be depressed or she might not want to talk to you for some reason but you need to figure out what's going on. she may be severely depressed because college is very difficult. start by contacting more friends of hers
if she only has one problem. never cut off your daughter because you don't know what's going on. did you annoy her about something? figure it out. or, she could be leeching off of you. you know your daughter. but if she is depressed if you cut her off she will likely become very very depressed and might suicide. do not cut off her one lifeline before you figure out what is wrong.
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esh, is there middle ground to pursue here before cutting her off?
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nta - i think it’s fair if you tell her in advance, and you have already started that by telling her you need to hear from her before you pay december tuition. for all you know, she isn’t even enrolled in school right now (or attending class, or passing classes), so why would you pay her tuition?
i do think it’s maybe a little strange you haven’t driven (or flown) to her college to check on her. or at least messaged or called to say you were going to do so if you haven’t heard from her.
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
INFO
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.517608 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i really hope we're not being /r/insaneparents but please comment if you think we are. our daughter is in college right now and in her second year. my husband and i are paying for a portion of it and give her a monthly allowance of $1000 to help out because her school is out of state. so far it's been roughly 50% on us and 50% she needs to get grants or bursaries or loans for. she is choosing not to work right now and instead relying on the $1000 we send (her rent is around $200 for her room and the $800 remaining is up to her how to use). we want to cut her off not because there was some incident but because she's basically ghosted us. nothing really prompted this. my last conversation with her was very cordial standard fare back in early september. likewise for my husband. we used to talk a lot, text every day, etc. we send her a facebook message and get a read receipt but no response. no thank you for the money we send monthly, no happy thanksgiving (or birthday, mine was in october), nothing. at the very least we'd like to know she's okay, and we've expressed as much, but the outcome is always the same: left on read. we have one of her best friends on facebook and we asked her what's up and she said she's doing fine, just busy with school. and that's fine, but not even a single message in 3 months? i sent her a message two days ago that we feel taken advantage of and that our contribution to her schooling is unappreciated. we told her that next tuition payment is due end of december and we want to hear from her before we pay it. read within seconds but no response. i don't know what to make of this. are we being the assholes? just a check in every once in a while is enough, we just have no idea what's going on.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i really hope we're not being /r/insaneparents but please comment if you think we are. our daughter is in college right now and in her second year. my husband and i are paying for a portion of it and give her a monthly allowance of $1000 to help out because her school is out of state. so far it's been roughly 50% on us and 50% she needs to get grants or bursaries or loans for. she is choosing not to work right now and instead relying on the $1000 we send (her rent is around $200 for her room and the $800 remaining is up to her how to use). we want to cut her off not because there was some incident but because she's basically ghosted us. nothing really prompted this. my last conversation with her was very cordial standard fare back in early september. likewise for my husband. we used to talk a lot, text every day, etc. we send her a facebook message and get a read receipt but no response. no thank you for the money we send monthly, no happy thanksgiving (or birthday, mine was in october), nothing. at the very least we'd like to know she's okay, and we've expressed as much, but the outcome is always the same: left on read. we have one of her best friends on facebook and we asked her what's up and she said she's doing fine, just busy with school. and that's fine, but not even a single message in 3 months? i sent her a message two days ago that we feel taken advantage of and that our contribution to her schooling is unappreciated. we told her that next tuition payment is due end of december and we want to hear from her before we pay it. read within seconds but no response. i don't know what to make of this. are we being the assholes? just a check in every once in a while is enough, we just have no idea what's going on. [/INST] yta at this point i would be more concerned with why she has changed so much and then wonder if you still want to support her. maybe she is just busy or overwhelmed. or maybe she is just only sees you as reliable atms. but find out first </s>
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AITA For my reaction when my 30yo fiancè exchanged his gift with my 16yo brother?.
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i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times.
my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it.
we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax.
we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour.
i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous.
he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes.
i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse.
| 23,147 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkkb53/aita_for_my_reaction_when_my_30yo_fiancè/
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2020-12-26 15:33:01
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nta
you may want to consider trading in the fiancé though......
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info: why are you with this asshole? like, what redeeming qualities does he possess?
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nta. he practically stole a gift meant for someone who deserved it more than he did. hope your brother is alright, op.
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nta
your fiancé is.... well, how do i say this delicately? hyperfocused on his own emotions to the point of ignoring both social norms and other people’s boundaries.
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nta, i’m really sorry but your fiancé low-key sounds like the worst person ever, pressuring a chronically ill 16 year old to exchange his 300$ xbox for a pen is not cool. definitely nta, i would consider breaking off the engagement tbh :/
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nta. that's gross, tbh. your fiancé is a grown man. your brother is a teenager struggling with chronic health issues. fiancé is acting like a brat. he didn't have an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox, he had an issue with you spending $300 on an xbox that wasn't for him. he was also deceitful to you, pushed past your brother's boundaries, and displayed a disregard for your whole family just so that he could get what he wanted. are you reevaluating your imminent marriage yet? because you probably should.
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nta sounds like your little brother's more mature, appreciative, and kind than your fiance.
if he wants to discuss finances he can do that like an adult, he should not shame you and manipulate a child.
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your fiancé took advantage of an ill teenage boy under your parents roof during a family gathering and tried to lie about it. he manipulated your brother, the situation and gaslit you. this is a big red flag. if he can do this to your brother, how do you think he will take advantage of you in the future? this was a calculated manipulation of a minor. this is your first warning. don’t wait for more. run!
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op run
1) he feels your money belongs to him.
2) he saw something he wanted and guilted a child to giving it to him
3) he tried gaslighting you to believe your brother agreed to this outrageous exchange.
4) he sees no issue in his behaviour and tried defending it.
most abusive partners hide their true personality until marriage or they have caused you to lose all ties to your family. this one gave you a glimpse at it early.
what happens if he doesn’t like the gifts you give them next year? how is he going to react if you treat yourself to something nice. what if you do something he doesn’t agree with. it’s not a far leap until he feels like he is entitled to you and your obedience.
run before the stakes get any higher.
edited for spelling.
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nta. he's 30, but he has the mental capacity of a 13-year-old. are you sure this is the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times. my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it. we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax. we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous. he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes. i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f26 been with my fiancè for 3 years. we both work and we both share rent and other expenses. but my fiancè is currently looking for a new job. he lost his old job 3 months ago. my family lives 30min away and although it's been difficult this year i decided to get my brother (who has a chronic condition and struggled a lot lately and was in the hospital for a few days for anemia) the one thing he's been wanting for some time. i got him an xbox that cost me 300$. he was so happy and i'm glad i was able to cheer him up during those times. my fiancè received a few gifts from his family. but he wasn't happy with any of them. i got him a perfume and he liked it. we were visiting my family and we had dinner with them. my fiancè looked at the xbox i got for my brother and didn't stop talking about it. my parents noticed, i told him to stop complaining about what he got/didn't get this year. that made them uncomfortable especially since they've been dealing with my brother's health issues and needed to relax. we got home and my fiancè took something from the closet and left for about an hour. i was asleep when he came back. in the morning i was surprised to find my brother's xbox in the closet. i woke him and asked him about it. turned out he dropped me off drove back to my family's house and exchanged the gift his aunt gave him (a 14$ fancy pen) with my brother's xbox. he said that my brother was happy to exchange gifts. i was so mad i told him this wasn't for him and he basically took something that is not his. not to mention a pen for an xbox, that's ridiculous. he told me that maybe i shouldn't have spent 300 while trying to pay for rent. i told him as long as i can pay rent that's not a problem. and that he needs to find a job if he thinks my money isn't enough. i called my mom and i found out that they didn't actually exchange gifts. my fiancè pressured my brother into giving him his xbox. i was livid and so mad i told him to take the xbox back to my brother but he said it was between him and my brother but i insisted. he refused so i ended up taking it myself. my fiancè argued when i took it and said that i was pressuring him and treating him poorly and have no respect for his feelings. i told him he was wrong to make my brother give him his gift and causing him stress and ruining his joy. i apologized to my brother and my parents and i felt awful because of how my fiancè behaved. my fiancè isn't talking to me saying that i have no consideration for his feelings and not understanding how he feels not having money to buy himself the things he likes. i'm surprised because he has never done anything like this before. i get that he's struggling with finding a job but this is not an excuse. [/INST] nta you may want to consider trading in the fiancé though...... </s>
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AITA for simply asking my daughter a question about job applications?
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long time listener, first time caller. i'm 53m, daughter is 27f.
i was on the phone with my daughter the other day as she is a phd college student and long distance from us at the moment. we're all feeling frustrated and upset after the call and i feel like i'm crazy so thought i'd post in the sub since i read it on my work breaks any ways
daughter is almost done with college and says she needs to apply for jobs this fall. whenever we talk about jobs my wife and i ask her where she wants to work and she always just says "it doesn't work like that" and says she needs to just go wherever there are jobs available. which is weird to me because there are colleges in every state, so i say this. she says it's not like other jobs where you can just send in an application and that colleges need to be specifically hiring professors in her specialty and then there is a long selection and interview process. so basically she is just going to go wherever they hire her. this still didn't answer my question though so i asked if she did have her pick where would she go and she said she doesn't even think about it because it's not going to happen so why get her hopes up thinking about a particular school. my wife says "so if they were hiring in hawaii or in europe that wouldn't be your dream job?" and i said what if she could get a job in the city near us (it's a major city with a number of universities and we're only 20 mins away) or at her old college (an hour away) she just said "seriously i don't think about it, we go thorugh this every time"
i then told her she should consider teaching at a high school because she could move closer to home again and she said she doesn't have an education degree so that doesn't work like that. there is a catholic school in our hometown she could work at though. i said no worries, we'd probably move to wherever she moves because we can't stand the idea of not living by her. the phd is one thing because that's like 5 years. but i won't have that for the rest of our lives. she said that's unrealistic and that we're really overestimating the amount of free time she'd have to hang out with us all the time. and again says "seriously can we please drop the subject, you guys are intentionally not understanding me". this was not the case though, she was just not making sense. and i find it hard to believe that she doesn't have a single dream university, or that she wouldn't try to work closer to home which i said. she then just said she had to go and hung up.
so aita for just trying to make conversation about jobs?
| 5,387 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/syrb06/aita_for_simply_asking_my_daughter_a_question/
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2022-02-22 16:13:10
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yta - stop badgering you daughter. did you ever take a moment to think maybe this is why your daughter doesn't want to move home? take a hint and back off.
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yta. just reading this i got frustrated with your lack of listening, i can’t imagine how frustrated your daughter feels having to repeat herself over and over again.
she gave you an answer, just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
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yta. talking to you sounds exhausting. she’s explained that’s not how it works, and that she’s not getting her hopes up for any school because that’s not how it works. she also doesn’t want you to uproot your whole life and follow her either
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yta. she's trying to explain how her field works and you aren't listening. she also doesn't sound like she wants to move "home". she's making her own home and it sounds like she is enjoying the buffer zone.
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yta. for trying to tell her about her situation when you have zero idea what the job market in academia is like, for not understanding that she is a fully grown adult who doesn’t need her parents moving to where she lives or telling her where to live or work, for assuming she’d be happy settling for teaching in a high school when she’s looking for college jobs, for assuming she wants to live by you and for assuming she wants to work in s catholic school with all of the personal restrictions that come with it. you weren’t “trying to make conversation about jobs”, you and your wife were interrogating her and attempting to control her.
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you are drastically out of touch with how academic hiring works and you are needlessly making her life incredibly difficult. she will be lucky to get interviews for a job as a professor and beyond lucky to be offered a position. roughly 30-40% of newly minted phds receive tenure track positions in the us. please educate yourself on the process of applying, interviewing and hiring before you continue pestering her.
you could look at the career resource guide for academic hiring at her university, google ‘hiring success for new phds’. uc berkeley has a good resource in their grad student career resource guides.
but seriously? she’s the one living with this stress and you are making it worse by not educating yourself about the process.
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yta. you come off as a bit much. it seems like this is all about you and how you feel. she’s going through a stressful time. landing a position post phd is not easy. she’s being logical about it, has mentioned that she doesn’t want to get her hopes up and you keep pushing for her to. she’s also mentioned that you’ve been through this before. on top of that, you mentioned that you want to move where she moves because you “can’t stand the idea of not living by her.” adding more pressure because she now feels like your life is heavily impacted by a decision she doesn’t have control over. have you ever considered or asked that she may not want you to live near her and may want space in her adult life?
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yta
she doesn't want to talk about it because you are not understanding her position. she doesn't want to get hyped up on something that probably won't happen and is being super practical about going where the jobs are.
it also sounds like she has no desire to move back closer to you. drop it.
i don't think you understand how teaching differs between a university and a high school. no, she couldn't get a job at the catholic school in town. she doesn't have a teaching license. she is getting a ph.d. which will involve study, research, and teaching for her to continue onward. she will also most likely move universities over the course of her life pursuing opportunities.
you are making things worse. stop talking about it. you didn't just ask a question, you apparently bring this up regularly and are trying to push her without understanding how this works. leave it and tell her you are there to support her.
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yta, you are not trying to make conversation about jobs, you are deriding your daughter for basically making no sense from your point of view.
you are basically applying the standards of your time, to your daughter, and finding her lacking. i go through this with my family all of the time. rather than genuinely trying to understand her, clarifying what you don't understand and taking her answers for what they are, you effectively are rejecting her answers as pure and utter nonsense since that wasn't the case when you were her age.
you think you are providing helpful suggestions but instead are trying to force your understanding on her, rather than trying to understand her. you don't try to empathize with her at all. not one iota. you don't try to see the world as she does. you don't try to emulate her understanding of the world or of the current situation. it's all yours yours yours yours, not once in your question was it hers.
look at your last paragraph, you say that she is not making any sense. you already have your answer as to if you are an asshole.
she has no dream university because to choose one is a pipe dream, at best. she is now in a situation where she has three choices: unemployment, unrelated job, or going wherever opportunity arises. this is not the era of "walk in with resume in hand, best clothes, and shake hands." or even "mail in resume to places, even if they are not searching." everything is done through machines.
&#x200b;
additionally, you are being entirely overbearing. "we have to live near to each other!! think of the memories!!! a phd isn't that something that'll last for the rest of our lives!" you ever think of her wants? her needs? her desires?? no, all you care about your wants; you want her close, period. you want her to have a dream school, period. you don't want she makes any sense, period.
above all, the only thing i see here in your question was "me me me me me me me me me", not once her.
once again, yta.
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yta. for a number of reasons. i cant believe you suggested a phd candidates start their career teaching at a high school! if she wanted to teach high school she could have stopped at the ba/bs level along with an education certificate. hs teacher dont get paid much and what a waste if a phd.
do you have a phd? if not, you have no idea how getting a professorship at a university works. she does. she knows how it works and yes, you go where there are openings that will allow you to do research. it is super competitive in many fields and many are lucky to get an offer from anywhere at all.
third she is an adult!!! with her own life! let her go. please stop trying to live near her. she can visit you and call you on the phone or zoom/skype. she doesn't need or want you in her daily adult life. appreciate the time she does make for you and stop trying to demand or impose more. you will be lucky if she even tells you where she moves next the way you are going.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long time listener, first time caller. i'm 53m, daughter is 27f. i was on the phone with my daughter the other day as she is a phd college student and long distance from us at the moment. we're all feeling frustrated and upset after the call and i feel like i'm crazy so thought i'd post in the sub since i read it on my work breaks any ways daughter is almost done with college and says she needs to apply for jobs this fall. whenever we talk about jobs my wife and i ask her where she wants to work and she always just says "it doesn't work like that" and says she needs to just go wherever there are jobs available. which is weird to me because there are colleges in every state, so i say this. she says it's not like other jobs where you can just send in an application and that colleges need to be specifically hiring professors in her specialty and then there is a long selection and interview process. so basically she is just going to go wherever they hire her. this still didn't answer my question though so i asked if she did have her pick where would she go and she said she doesn't even think about it because it's not going to happen so why get her hopes up thinking about a particular school. my wife says "so if they were hiring in hawaii or in europe that wouldn't be your dream job?" and i said what if she could get a job in the city near us (it's a major city with a number of universities and we're only 20 mins away) or at her old college (an hour away) she just said "seriously i don't think about it, we go thorugh this every time" i then told her she should consider teaching at a high school because she could move closer to home again and she said she doesn't have an education degree so that doesn't work like that. there is a catholic school in our hometown she could work at though. i said no worries, we'd probably move to wherever she moves because we can't stand the idea of not living by her. the phd is one thing because that's like 5 years. but i won't have that for the rest of our lives. she said that's unrealistic and that we're really overestimating the amount of free time she'd have to hang out with us all the time. and again says "seriously can we please drop the subject, you guys are intentionally not understanding me". this was not the case though, she was just not making sense. and i find it hard to believe that she doesn't have a single dream university, or that she wouldn't try to work closer to home which i said. she then just said she had to go and hung up. so aita for just trying to make conversation about jobs?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long time listener, first time caller. i'm 53m, daughter is 27f. i was on the phone with my daughter the other day as she is a phd college student and long distance from us at the moment. we're all feeling frustrated and upset after the call and i feel like i'm crazy so thought i'd post in the sub since i read it on my work breaks any ways daughter is almost done with college and says she needs to apply for jobs this fall. whenever we talk about jobs my wife and i ask her where she wants to work and she always just says "it doesn't work like that" and says she needs to just go wherever there are jobs available. which is weird to me because there are colleges in every state, so i say this. she says it's not like other jobs where you can just send in an application and that colleges need to be specifically hiring professors in her specialty and then there is a long selection and interview process. so basically she is just going to go wherever they hire her. this still didn't answer my question though so i asked if she did have her pick where would she go and she said she doesn't even think about it because it's not going to happen so why get her hopes up thinking about a particular school. my wife says "so if they were hiring in hawaii or in europe that wouldn't be your dream job?" and i said what if she could get a job in the city near us (it's a major city with a number of universities and we're only 20 mins away) or at her old college (an hour away) she just said "seriously i don't think about it, we go thorugh this every time" i then told her she should consider teaching at a high school because she could move closer to home again and she said she doesn't have an education degree so that doesn't work like that. there is a catholic school in our hometown she could work at though. i said no worries, we'd probably move to wherever she moves because we can't stand the idea of not living by her. the phd is one thing because that's like 5 years. but i won't have that for the rest of our lives. she said that's unrealistic and that we're really overestimating the amount of free time she'd have to hang out with us all the time. and again says "seriously can we please drop the subject, you guys are intentionally not understanding me". this was not the case though, she was just not making sense. and i find it hard to believe that she doesn't have a single dream university, or that she wouldn't try to work closer to home which i said. she then just said she had to go and hung up. so aita for just trying to make conversation about jobs? [/INST] yta - stop badgering you daughter. did you ever take a moment to think maybe this is why your daughter doesn't want to move home? take a hint and back off. </s>
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AITA-For ignoring my boss and blocking his number on my vacation
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my boyfriend (29 m) and i (26 f) are currently long-distance. we take turns visiting each other. he came to see me after almost two months of not seeing each other. we finally were to make plans. i requested to have five days off was approved from my job. i’ve worked there for six years.
it was after my shift, and i was heading out quickly. i had to pick my bf up from the airport. i clocked out, and while i was saying bye to everyone. my new boss of 2 weeks stopped me, and he asked if i could cover a shift. since one of my co-workers called in sick. we’re short-staffed, and he needs me to stay for a couple hours more. i had a 10-hour shift. i was exhausted.
i responded no. i’m sorry, but i’m unable to, and i can’t stay late. i have covered it before in the past. i don’t mind, but i had somewhere to be. i mentioned i was picking up someone at the airport. he told me they could take an uber. my boyfriend wouldn’t be happy with me if i did with him. also he has no key to my apartment.
no one else wanted to stay, and i was the third person he asked to that said no. i said sorry, i can’t just tonight, another time.
he called me a lousy worker, and i’m not a team player. i said, guess i’m not a team player and i walked passed him. i called out. i’ll see him in five days. while driving to the airport, i kept getting calls and texts from him; it got so bad that i had to pull over to turn off my phone. my boss wanted to come back to work.
i had to turn on my phone, so my boyfriend could contact me. my phone was flooded with text messages. ding after ding i think i got close to 15 texts. i blocked his number.
i was so happy to see my bf. i was getting emails from my boss constantly when i was supposed to be my time off. i didn’t respond to and i rarely take vacation. one, he was asking me stuff that i didn’t know the answer to. second, even if i did, i’m not telling him. i don’t know; i was starting to get petty.
i still had fun with my boyfriend. when i went to work, my boss called into his office. he blew up at me for being unprofessional, and he’s still new to this job. i should’ve helped or at least replied to the emails. i responded other people could’ve helped him. it’s not my responsibility when it’s my vacation time. i got my first write-up ever.
is this something i’m missing? did i do something inherently wrong here? i’m actually considering to report him. he is still new to his job. am i the asshole?
| 19,811 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkwf78/aitafor_ignoring_my_boss_and_blocking_his_number/
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2022-06-26 04:23:13
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nta. you need to elevate this to hr. your boss doesn’t get to impede on your vacation time. unless your contract states that you have to be available 24/7, he crossed major lines and needs to be held accountable for it.
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nta. you were on vacation. you are not obligated in any way to work on your vacation. i would go to hr to get that write-up off your record.
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nta
what he did is unethical. he is a lousy boss with incredibly poor boundaries. get yourself straight to hr and report him for harassing you on your vacation time. i would also formally request that time off be re-allocated to you as you had to spend it worrying about your boss's reaction.
in the us what he did would be a violation of labor law. because he wrote you up for essentially taking your earned vacation, that would be considered workplace retaliation.
you really do need to report him. i guarantee you're not the only one he's doing this to, and it will only get worse.
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nta. report that behavior and i hope you kept the texts, emails and call logs as proof. many companies are very strict that you do not work off the clock. even if it were pto (you didn't specify but i wanted you to know it's even in that case.)
that behavior was harassment and you should not have been retaliated against with a write up.
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nta. i’d take this up with his boss or hr. the calls, texts, emails, and name-calling are harassment.
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nta.
just to satisfy my own curiosity, did he continuously harass anyone else during those five days, or just you? (this has no bearing on your nta status, but possibly on how big of an ah he is.)
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take it over his head. report him. have all your proof. texts, emails…..everything.
his behavior was severely inappropriate. nta
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nta. contact the labour board, that write-up is not okay. also, tell your manager you're doing so as you're worried that the excessive amount of contact outside of work hours without compensation might be 'contractually tenuous' and you want to make sure everything is legally sound in terms of canadian employment law.
https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/services/labour-contact.html
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nta. if there's an avenue for reporting him, you should definitely do so.
every place i've worked, vacation has been treated as sacrosanct. for him to outright harass you while you're on vacation is ridiculous.
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nta. this man absolutely needs to not have this job anymore if he thinks any of this was remotely professional. i would have done the same exact thing you did. blockity block block. document all his texts, calls and emails and send them straight to hr ….swiftly.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend (29 m) and i (26 f) are currently long-distance. we take turns visiting each other. he came to see me after almost two months of not seeing each other. we finally were to make plans. i requested to have five days off was approved from my job. i’ve worked there for six years. it was after my shift, and i was heading out quickly. i had to pick my bf up from the airport. i clocked out, and while i was saying bye to everyone. my new boss of 2 weeks stopped me, and he asked if i could cover a shift. since one of my co-workers called in sick. we’re short-staffed, and he needs me to stay for a couple hours more. i had a 10-hour shift. i was exhausted. i responded no. i’m sorry, but i’m unable to, and i can’t stay late. i have covered it before in the past. i don’t mind, but i had somewhere to be. i mentioned i was picking up someone at the airport. he told me they could take an uber. my boyfriend wouldn’t be happy with me if i did with him. also he has no key to my apartment. no one else wanted to stay, and i was the third person he asked to that said no. i said sorry, i can’t just tonight, another time. he called me a lousy worker, and i’m not a team player. i said, guess i’m not a team player and i walked passed him. i called out. i’ll see him in five days. while driving to the airport, i kept getting calls and texts from him; it got so bad that i had to pull over to turn off my phone. my boss wanted to come back to work. i had to turn on my phone, so my boyfriend could contact me. my phone was flooded with text messages. ding after ding i think i got close to 15 texts. i blocked his number. i was so happy to see my bf. i was getting emails from my boss constantly when i was supposed to be my time off. i didn’t respond to and i rarely take vacation. one, he was asking me stuff that i didn’t know the answer to. second, even if i did, i’m not telling him. i don’t know; i was starting to get petty. i still had fun with my boyfriend. when i went to work, my boss called into his office. he blew up at me for being unprofessional, and he’s still new to this job. i should’ve helped or at least replied to the emails. i responded other people could’ve helped him. it’s not my responsibility when it’s my vacation time. i got my first write-up ever. is this something i’m missing? did i do something inherently wrong here? i’m actually considering to report him. he is still new to his job. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend (29 m) and i (26 f) are currently long-distance. we take turns visiting each other. he came to see me after almost two months of not seeing each other. we finally were to make plans. i requested to have five days off was approved from my job. i’ve worked there for six years. it was after my shift, and i was heading out quickly. i had to pick my bf up from the airport. i clocked out, and while i was saying bye to everyone. my new boss of 2 weeks stopped me, and he asked if i could cover a shift. since one of my co-workers called in sick. we’re short-staffed, and he needs me to stay for a couple hours more. i had a 10-hour shift. i was exhausted. i responded no. i’m sorry, but i’m unable to, and i can’t stay late. i have covered it before in the past. i don’t mind, but i had somewhere to be. i mentioned i was picking up someone at the airport. he told me they could take an uber. my boyfriend wouldn’t be happy with me if i did with him. also he has no key to my apartment. no one else wanted to stay, and i was the third person he asked to that said no. i said sorry, i can’t just tonight, another time. he called me a lousy worker, and i’m not a team player. i said, guess i’m not a team player and i walked passed him. i called out. i’ll see him in five days. while driving to the airport, i kept getting calls and texts from him; it got so bad that i had to pull over to turn off my phone. my boss wanted to come back to work. i had to turn on my phone, so my boyfriend could contact me. my phone was flooded with text messages. ding after ding i think i got close to 15 texts. i blocked his number. i was so happy to see my bf. i was getting emails from my boss constantly when i was supposed to be my time off. i didn’t respond to and i rarely take vacation. one, he was asking me stuff that i didn’t know the answer to. second, even if i did, i’m not telling him. i don’t know; i was starting to get petty. i still had fun with my boyfriend. when i went to work, my boss called into his office. he blew up at me for being unprofessional, and he’s still new to this job. i should’ve helped or at least replied to the emails. i responded other people could’ve helped him. it’s not my responsibility when it’s my vacation time. i got my first write-up ever. is this something i’m missing? did i do something inherently wrong here? i’m actually considering to report him. he is still new to his job. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. you need to elevate this to hr. your boss doesn’t get to impede on your vacation time. unless your contract states that you have to be available 24/7, he crossed major lines and needs to be held accountable for it. </s>
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AITA for accidentally peeking at my girlfriend’s grocery bill and figuring out her secret family recipe?
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a week ago, i(24m) had dinner at her (23f) place, and her mom made this absolutely divine pasta. she said the sauce recipe had been craftily modified by her family across generations and everyone who learned of it was sworn to secrecy.
later, i was craving it again, so i asked my gf to make it since she knows the secret family recipe. she agreed, and went out to get groceries for it (along with the some other stuff i asked her to pick up for me). after dinner, i asked her how much i owe her for the stuff she bought for me, and she said “i don’t remember, just check the bill.” i checked it, and while looking for my stuff on it, i found a bunch of really unique and surprising ingredients that i figured she must’ve added to the pasta sauce. i really love reverse engineering dishes and figuring out their recipes, so i had some suspicion already. the rest of the ingredients (that she already had at home) i figured out by taste. so i decided to try hand at the recipe based on the information at hand and made what i can call a pretty much perfect copy. i had her try it to confirm and she asked me how i managed to figure out the mystery ingredients and i confessed the grocery bill was a big help. she’s kind of upset because she suspected i tricked her into making it and is saying that she failed her family by not guarding the recipe well enough. after i explained myself, she believes it was an accident but thinks i should’ve pushed it out of my mind as soon as i learned about it and respected the secrecy instead of making the sauce.
| 6,851 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vspinl/aita_for_accidentally_peeking_at_my_girlfriends/
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2022-07-06 13:01:50
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yta
she's right, you didn't accidentally learn the recipe - you snooped, inferred the recipe., and actively tested your assumptions.
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yta - you couldn't just let her have this thing? this was something she shared with her family. you didn't need it.
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yta
you couldnt respect her wishes or the wishes of her family. you didnt accidently do the work to snoop and deduce the recipe.
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nah - but ywbta if you tell anyone the secret recipe.
except me, please message me the recipe. i need it for um, judgement purposes.
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nta, it’s literally a pasta sauce. “guarding” recipes has always been absurd to me, like if i make something someone really enjoys and they want to know the recipe hell yeah, why gatekeep food
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nta. it's pasta sauce, not state secrets.
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yta.
for the record i think secret recipes are bullshit stupid.
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info why did you have your girlfriend taste test when you already felt it was a “pretty much perfect copy”?
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yta. you knew it was important for her to have it be kept a secret, so you went out of your way to show her up.
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omg, people who get pissy over "secret recipes" are the reason good recipes get lost to the world. unless someone is going to try to profit off a recipe, there should be no reason not to share recipes.
that being said people have a right to be protective over their intellectual property, and i reckon this is a nah situation. reverse engineering a recipe is not a crime. as long as he agrees not to share that recipe around i personally see no problem with it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.539274 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a week ago, i(24m) had dinner at her (23f) place, and her mom made this absolutely divine pasta. she said the sauce recipe had been craftily modified by her family across generations and everyone who learned of it was sworn to secrecy. later, i was craving it again, so i asked my gf to make it since she knows the secret family recipe. she agreed, and went out to get groceries for it (along with the some other stuff i asked her to pick up for me). after dinner, i asked her how much i owe her for the stuff she bought for me, and she said “i don’t remember, just check the bill.” i checked it, and while looking for my stuff on it, i found a bunch of really unique and surprising ingredients that i figured she must’ve added to the pasta sauce. i really love reverse engineering dishes and figuring out their recipes, so i had some suspicion already. the rest of the ingredients (that she already had at home) i figured out by taste. so i decided to try hand at the recipe based on the information at hand and made what i can call a pretty much perfect copy. i had her try it to confirm and she asked me how i managed to figure out the mystery ingredients and i confessed the grocery bill was a big help. she’s kind of upset because she suspected i tricked her into making it and is saying that she failed her family by not guarding the recipe well enough. after i explained myself, she believes it was an accident but thinks i should’ve pushed it out of my mind as soon as i learned about it and respected the secrecy instead of making the sauce.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a week ago, i(24m) had dinner at her (23f) place, and her mom made this absolutely divine pasta. she said the sauce recipe had been craftily modified by her family across generations and everyone who learned of it was sworn to secrecy. later, i was craving it again, so i asked my gf to make it since she knows the secret family recipe. she agreed, and went out to get groceries for it (along with the some other stuff i asked her to pick up for me). after dinner, i asked her how much i owe her for the stuff she bought for me, and she said “i don’t remember, just check the bill.” i checked it, and while looking for my stuff on it, i found a bunch of really unique and surprising ingredients that i figured she must’ve added to the pasta sauce. i really love reverse engineering dishes and figuring out their recipes, so i had some suspicion already. the rest of the ingredients (that she already had at home) i figured out by taste. so i decided to try hand at the recipe based on the information at hand and made what i can call a pretty much perfect copy. i had her try it to confirm and she asked me how i managed to figure out the mystery ingredients and i confessed the grocery bill was a big help. she’s kind of upset because she suspected i tricked her into making it and is saying that she failed her family by not guarding the recipe well enough. after i explained myself, she believes it was an accident but thinks i should’ve pushed it out of my mind as soon as i learned about it and respected the secrecy instead of making the sauce. [/INST] yta she's right, you didn't accidentally learn the recipe - you snooped, inferred the recipe., and actively tested your assumptions. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife’s friend she is too old and ugly after she repeatedly asked my 19-year-old son to take off his shirt? He was getting uncomfortable.
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my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line.
when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son."
this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves.
at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house.
i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again.
overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
| 38,050 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzjbhx/aita_for_telling_my_wifes_friend_she_is_too_old/
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2020-07-28 17:50:50
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nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things.
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i'm going to go with nta. it would probably have been better to say sternly "kathy, that's enough. stop it or leave my house" and leaving her appearance out of it. however, your comments were in the context of her sexually harrassing your barely legal child who is less than half her age, and i'm having a hard time sustaining any outrage because you were a little snarky slapping down her exploitive and inappropriate behavior. your wife is wrong. it is not better because she is a woman and your son is a man. sexual harrassment and preying on the fact that younger people often don't have experience shutting down inappropriate advances, particularly from someone connected to their parents or in some authority or authority-adjacent position, is always wrong. the gender of the perpetrator and victim are irrelevent, and if she has a tendency to behave in a sexually inappropriate and aggressive manner when drinking then she should never drink.
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i really want to say esh. i dont think that saying “hey kathy, youre old and ugly lol” is the best way to to about this. what would you have said if she was 30 years old & beautiful ?
a better way of handling it would be to say something like: “kathy, your behavior is crossing a line and needs to stop immediately. if you dont stop then you will need to leave”. a firm statement like that will get the point across just as well, without hurting anyone, and shows your son how to handle conflict like an adult
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nta she needs to learn that her behavior is unacceptable
edit i’m alarmed by how many people here think the word “ugly” is worse than *actual sexual harassment.* she chose to open to door to making unwelcome comments on people’s bodies and she deserved to have a dose of her own medicine.
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esh except the son. your friend for sexually harassing your son, you for brining her age and appearance into the picture, and your wife for saying "it's different" because it's your son and not your daughter.
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i'm gonna go against the grain here with esh and i'll tell you why. calling out kathy's behaviour was absolutely the right thing to do... it set an example for your children, showed your son that you had his back and all kinds of good stuff like that. but the problem *wasn't* kathy's level of attractiveness. the problem was that she was sexually harassing your son (in his own home, no less!), irrespective of her appearance. you called kathy out and protected your son, but, if anything, you've perpetuated the double standard being discussed in the comments. the problem isn't that an unattractive woman was hitting on your son, it's that it was flat out sexual harassment.
&nbsp;
by making it an issue about her appearance, you've completely sidestepped teaching your son a valuable lesson: *his discomfort alone is enough reason* to assert himself or seek help from you in shutting this stuff down in your own home. he was wronged, you've just completely missed giving him the words to understand and explain exactly how. instead of calling kathy old and ugly, you could have called her *behaviour* out as unwelcome and predatory. your son needs to know that even if a young, attractive woman repeatedly made unwelcome advances towards him, it would still be just as wrong. otherwise you're accidentally perpetuating the idea that, if it was a young and attractive woman, it would be welcome no matter what because (implicitly) men always want sex from anyone attractive enough. that is antiquated and damaging bullshit. it also gives kathy no reason to assess her behaviour, but i won't really count that since teaching her not to be a predator shouldn't be your job.
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esh
- kathy was sexually harassing your son ah!
- instead of inviting her firmly to **leave** (i would have totally kicked her out) you insulted her. rude ah.
- sexual harassment of *anyone*, by **anyone** is completely unacceptable. your wife needs a reality check.
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nta. thank you for being a good parent and defending your son. how your wife thought it wasnt an issue is beyond me-- regardless of gender, what her friend did is a form of harassment. it is also downright creepy that that woman would sexualize her friends son. you did great, dont let your wife make you think otherwise
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nta. your wife is clearly being sexist... boys and girls should not receive different treatment when it comes to exposing their body. her friend was abusive (i don't know the right therm, i'm a non native english speaker) and your example was totally reliable.
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esh
her far more than you. she's sexually harassing your son.
but you a little for sending the message to your son that it's fine for a woman to do this to him as long as she's young and pretty in your estimation. the problem wasn't that she's "too old and ugly" the problem was she was harassing him.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.421875 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family had a small get together at my house. one of my wife’s friends was over (she is unmarried i think she is 45-47)? we aren’t too close to her since she lives pretty far away. she was over our house and she started complimenting my son (my son is 19). it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line. when we were out on my deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off, 'whats the point of going to the gym if no one will see it.' my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down. she repeatedly is asking and is getting more aggressive with it. i interject and i am like "hey kathy, i think you are a bit too old and ugly for my son." this got her upset really quickly, and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying. my wife goes to comfort her, and then later she leaves. at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that, that i should have said hey cathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else. i told my wife, that kathy (btw this is not her real name) works a corporate job she has had training on this and that she knows better. and our son was uncomfortable. he is 18+ but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult-adult let alone someone saying that in our house. i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police. she says its different. i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter. and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again. overall, i think i was fair. if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the asshole, but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it. and i wanted her to get the message that yes i am upset that's why i included the ugly part. [/INST] nta. double standard no more. i wouldn’t let her around my boy anymore. i would be livid if a husbands friend was telling my daughter the same type of things. </s>
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AITA for requesting prayer breaks at work because my religious coworkers do even though I’m not religious?
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i’m an atheist who works in an international company in a very busy city.
i have a lot of coworkers who come from a certain religious background that requires them to pray multiple times a day. i would say 90% of my coworkers share this faith and maybe 70-80% of them take the time out to go pray everyday.
they get to leave the office 2 or 3 times in a day for 10 mins a piece for prayer and they get paid the same, don’t need to take time out of their lunch, etc.
i used to resent this and asked my boss who belongs to that faith why they were essentially having an extra paid 30 min break a day for doing the same work i do. she couldn’t give me a response other than religious considerations have to be made.
even though i’m a known atheist i decided i too wanted some time to meditate everyday. i told my manager i needed the same time as my coworkers and told her it was very important to me. she initially said no, and then i got a hastily written email saying of course i was welcome to take that time to meditate the same day. she’d obviously checked with hr and covered her ass.
for the last six months i’ve been having my 30 mins ‘meditating’ out in our company garden everyday. this has caused a slight issue because other non religious people are starting to ask if they too can have ‘meditative time’ and it’s causing friction but imo either everyone should be able to have this or no one should.
i recently told a friend this story and she reacted negatively- she said that i was being rude and ‘ruining it’ for everyone else and that at xmas time my coworkers usually go over and beyond to fill in holiday hours so the rest of us can enjoy our holidays and that the same courtesy should be extended to them. i told her i’m not hurting anybody or taking their prayer times away from them, simply enjoying that privilege myself.
| 21,497 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnsiur/aita_for_requesting_prayer_breaks_at_work_because/
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2019-08-08 21:41:50
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nta i think meditation in this situation is the non-religious equivalent to praying, a moment with yourself to collect your thoughts. it’s healthy for a productive work environment and you should be given the same rights as your coworkers.
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nta - not at all. i would actively encourage it to others. say yes, the company is allowing you 30 minutes to express your religion in the workplace. my religion is self-mediation and body-mind focused. so for my 30 i relax and try to work on my internal stresses. this is a win-win. you just “won” everyone 30 paid minutes.
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nta. i had a friend who became a "smoker" because the company allowed smokers to walk out and take a 5 minute smoke break every hour or so in addition to their regular break. they did not allow non-smokers this break. he'd just walk out with the actual smokers and just stand around.
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yta. i'm an atheist as well but to each their own. who cares if they get an extra break. i view this as the same thing as smokers taking smoke breaks, do you want prayer and smoke breaks? if a nursing mother gets an extra break to pump do you also want a nursing break?
do your thing let them do theirs. stop being petty.
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>either everyone should be able to have this or no one should
you’re willing to risk other people’s ability to pray just so you can get some extra time to do nothing. also, this extra time wasn’t important to you until you saw other people getting it.
and all because they get to and you don’t. you kind of sound like an ass.
if your company takes away this extra time for its employees to pray, would that make you feel better?
yta.
i do think your company should provide everyone this extra time to relax/pray/meditate, but those are not the current circumstances.
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nta
> either everyone should be able to have this or no one should.
that's a bingo!
&#x200b;
religious considerations can be made, but they do not have to be paid for the time that they take away from work for their religious practices. if they are paying some people for an extra 30 minutes of break time, but refusing to do the same for you, that's discrimination and probably grounds for a visit to the hr department.
&#x200b;
as for xmas time, assuming people are using pto, there's no argument to be made. it's pto whether it's used for religious holidays or going on a week long bender at hedonistic resort.
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yta- only because you actively stated in your post that you resented them doing that, and got defensive when someone else pointed out that it was rude of you to do it. im not saying its rude for you to do it, im religious myself and i think its nice that youre taking that time to have peace and just chill ya know? but if your going to partake in that time, you shouldnt be a hypocrite. plus, its only thirty minutes right? why where you upset over them getting 30 minutes paid?? did you want them to only get half the rate for the hour or something? its praying, and it isnt actively harming or disturbing the workplace. there isnt any harm done when they do it either because if they take multiple breaks (them only being 10 minutes long) its not taking away from their work.
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nta.
it's completely reasonable to take a few short breaks thorughout the day.
if you'd called them "prayer breaks" you'd be the asshole, but since you told them honestly what you are using the breaks for, you're fine.
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[deleted]
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>at xmas time my coworkers usually go over and beyond to fill in holiday hours
i'm sure they're taking off time for their own festivities and celebrations.
definitely nta, in fact congratualtions on setting the precedent that anybody should get this time off. paying people to pray is stupid. making other people work longer hours while it happens is unfair.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.419026 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m an atheist who works in an international company in a very busy city. i have a lot of coworkers who come from a certain religious background that requires them to pray multiple times a day. i would say 90% of my coworkers share this faith and maybe 70-80% of them take the time out to go pray everyday. they get to leave the office 2 or 3 times in a day for 10 mins a piece for prayer and they get paid the same, don’t need to take time out of their lunch, etc. i used to resent this and asked my boss who belongs to that faith why they were essentially having an extra paid 30 min break a day for doing the same work i do. she couldn’t give me a response other than religious considerations have to be made. even though i’m a known atheist i decided i too wanted some time to meditate everyday. i told my manager i needed the same time as my coworkers and told her it was very important to me. she initially said no, and then i got a hastily written email saying of course i was welcome to take that time to meditate the same day. she’d obviously checked with hr and covered her ass. for the last six months i’ve been having my 30 mins ‘meditating’ out in our company garden everyday. this has caused a slight issue because other non religious people are starting to ask if they too can have ‘meditative time’ and it’s causing friction but imo either everyone should be able to have this or no one should. i recently told a friend this story and she reacted negatively- she said that i was being rude and ‘ruining it’ for everyone else and that at xmas time my coworkers usually go over and beyond to fill in holiday hours so the rest of us can enjoy our holidays and that the same courtesy should be extended to them. i told her i’m not hurting anybody or taking their prayer times away from them, simply enjoying that privilege myself.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m an atheist who works in an international company in a very busy city. i have a lot of coworkers who come from a certain religious background that requires them to pray multiple times a day. i would say 90% of my coworkers share this faith and maybe 70-80% of them take the time out to go pray everyday. they get to leave the office 2 or 3 times in a day for 10 mins a piece for prayer and they get paid the same, don’t need to take time out of their lunch, etc. i used to resent this and asked my boss who belongs to that faith why they were essentially having an extra paid 30 min break a day for doing the same work i do. she couldn’t give me a response other than religious considerations have to be made. even though i’m a known atheist i decided i too wanted some time to meditate everyday. i told my manager i needed the same time as my coworkers and told her it was very important to me. she initially said no, and then i got a hastily written email saying of course i was welcome to take that time to meditate the same day. she’d obviously checked with hr and covered her ass. for the last six months i’ve been having my 30 mins ‘meditating’ out in our company garden everyday. this has caused a slight issue because other non religious people are starting to ask if they too can have ‘meditative time’ and it’s causing friction but imo either everyone should be able to have this or no one should. i recently told a friend this story and she reacted negatively- she said that i was being rude and ‘ruining it’ for everyone else and that at xmas time my coworkers usually go over and beyond to fill in holiday hours so the rest of us can enjoy our holidays and that the same courtesy should be extended to them. i told her i’m not hurting anybody or taking their prayer times away from them, simply enjoying that privilege myself. [/INST] nta i think meditation in this situation is the non-religious equivalent to praying, a moment with yourself to collect your thoughts. it’s healthy for a productive work environment and you should be given the same rights as your coworkers. </s>
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AITA: Customer tries buying large amount of gift cards, I refuse for likely being an advanced fee scam, end up losing the job.
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last year, i worked at a small budget grocery store. a guy wanted three $500 prepaid visa gift cards.
i immediately say, "hold on, are you sure this isn't an advanced fee scam?"
"no, no, they are for my personal use."
that is the response that phone scammers tell people to say if they are asked about why they are buying large denominations of cards.
there were two tills at this store: mine, and the manager's. for some reason, the manager wasn't allowed to sell that amount of gift cards on their own terminal. (possibly an anti-theft measure?) but that meant that the $1500 of visa gift cards had to be rung up on my terminal.
but i didn't feel good about this, so... i refused.
i asked the customer what they were for, if it wasn't a scam. if he gives me an alternate reason, like "my three kids are all getting ps5s," i would have done it. but he refuses to clarify and apparently can't even make up a lie. when i refuse to budge, the man leaves... i presume to talk to the scammer outside on his phone.
we call up the head manager and she says... well, we warned him, and that's all we can do. i say that we could do a little more and refuse to participate in this folderol. let him go somewhere else for his criminal activity.
the manager on the floor says that i have to do it, because she can't do it on hers. she literally tries to push me out of the way of my terminal to do it, and i stand my ground as she tries to hip-push me, in what must have been a rather pathetic display. she finally says, "you can do this, or you can leave."
so i left.
after i cooled down a bit and got lunch, i call the head manager again and ask her... "should i even come in tomorrow? it's hard to hire people in december, so i am willing to stay on. we can gamble on this not happening again."
she decides that, nah, let's just make a clean break. i say, possibly interrupting her as she waffles, "alright, then. lose this number," and hang up on her.
it sucks that this guy got taken for a ride, but it also sucks that i basically threw the job away for no gain and he still got taken for a ride. (it was a minimum-wage job during the pandemic. i wasn't attached to it or anything.)
a younger co-worker at my other job didn't understand why i did it. "they don't pay me enough to be a hero."
my response was, "no, they don't pay me enough to be a villain."
| 5,886 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q4ku6g/aita_customer_tries_buying_large_amount_of_gift/
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2021-10-09 12:59:11
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yta. he didn't tell you what specifically they were for because he's a private citizen and it's none of your business. your manager told you to do it. you don't have to do anything you don't want but you should *expect* to lose your job. and ethically your manager was right, you can warn the guy but you can't live his life for him and that's not a good reason to refuse service. the only thing i'll say, not to either of your benefits, you could do a better job of warning them: actually explain the scam and point them to resources. but if they want to buy 3 gift cards, let them.
your problem is you think so little of the customer.
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>my response was, "no, they don't pay me enough to be a villain."
and then everyone clapped?
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not everyone who buys mass gift cards does it for a scam and no one is obligated to tell you why they are doing it. even if it's illegal, you can't get in legal trouble for selling them. it's literally your job. i once bought 15 gift cards for teacher appreciation week. y'all treat ppl like criminals over something that is none of your business. explain gift card scams, and if they say no then ring them up and move on. i mean honestly. yta.
edit to add op is not an ah for trying to protect the customer. op is an ah for deciding the customers answer wasn't good enough, as if scams are the only reason gift cards are purchased. "personal use" is an extremely common term and it does not mean it was for a scam. it means it's none of your business.
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yta and you aren't some hero just because you refused to sell someone something.
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i’m going against the majority. nta
i worked service desk at walmart for 3 years. when the scams with gift cards became more frequent, they made us print out questions to ask. if it’s over a certain amount, or if it’s multiple higher dollar gift cards.
three $500 visa gift cards is a scam happening. if it wasn’t, he should’ve been able to answer simple questions and not give the exact wording the scammers tell him to use.
if we weren’t comfortable selling gift cards because we thought it was a scam, we called a manager and they did it under their numbers.
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not sure what country you work in but i’m actually surprised at all the asshole comments. i used to work in a big pharmacy and every quarter we would be tested on gift card scams and directed to never sell them to a customer if you even have an inkling of suspicion. because ultimately, if they were scammed, the customer loves to come back to the place that sold the cards to them and try to sue. my pharmacy also got pennies on every dollar for gift card sales so it’s of no real benefit to sell them. we could actually lose our jobs if it did turn out to be a scam and you were the one to sell it to them.
also really strange a manager wouldn’t be able to ring it up on her own till. she’s the manager. she should have more capabilities than a non manager.
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yta you don't even it's a scam, and he didn't tell you what they were for because quite frankly, it's not your fucking business, you got fired because you chose to assume shit.
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yta. maybe it wasn't a scam, and he just didn't want to tell you his reason for purchasing the cards. your manager approved the transaction, and you still refused. i returned a basketball goal a few hours after i bought it because one of the poles was bent. the receipt, box, and all the pieces were together. the cashier was convinced i was a scammer and kept saying she wasn't comfortable giving me that much in cash( little over $200, and i paid in cash), so she called her manager. the manager looked at everything and said, “girl, give this lady her money and quit holding up the line.”
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unpopular opinion but nta. for the folks that don't work in retail, most places have limits on what you can and cannot load onto a gift card at any given time. yes even during december when people are buying gift cards left, right and center. $500 on one vanilla is concerning but typically fine and wouldn't set off scam radars. i'd just double check id to credit card and call it a day. but $500 *each* on *three* vanilla cards? 99.9% a scam and should be denied because the credit card is either stolen (i've had it happen before while i was working and thankfully i forgot to put the gift card in the bag with the other shit they bought and the cops were able to track the guys down) or its a telemarketer scam. if its paid in cash that's not a problem, but when its that amount on a card for three gift cards is when it gets fishy. if you can stall out the sale until a manager can get on the scene or the scammer gives up then you should. holiday time is prime time for these types of scams because of all the christmas chaos, and its very easy for seasonal hires to get taken advantage of like this. if given the choice between getting reprimanded for denying the sale or getting fired for falling for a scam then i'll take my chances with the reprimand.
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nta. you did the right thing. this comment section is sad…
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.544638 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year, i worked at a small budget grocery store. a guy wanted three $500 prepaid visa gift cards. i immediately say, "hold on, are you sure this isn't an advanced fee scam?" "no, no, they are for my personal use." that is the response that phone scammers tell people to say if they are asked about why they are buying large denominations of cards. there were two tills at this store: mine, and the manager's. for some reason, the manager wasn't allowed to sell that amount of gift cards on their own terminal. (possibly an anti-theft measure?) but that meant that the $1500 of visa gift cards had to be rung up on my terminal. but i didn't feel good about this, so... i refused. i asked the customer what they were for, if it wasn't a scam. if he gives me an alternate reason, like "my three kids are all getting ps5s," i would have done it. but he refuses to clarify and apparently can't even make up a lie. when i refuse to budge, the man leaves... i presume to talk to the scammer outside on his phone. we call up the head manager and she says... well, we warned him, and that's all we can do. i say that we could do a little more and refuse to participate in this folderol. let him go somewhere else for his criminal activity. the manager on the floor says that i have to do it, because she can't do it on hers. she literally tries to push me out of the way of my terminal to do it, and i stand my ground as she tries to hip-push me, in what must have been a rather pathetic display. she finally says, "you can do this, or you can leave." so i left. after i cooled down a bit and got lunch, i call the head manager again and ask her... "should i even come in tomorrow? it's hard to hire people in december, so i am willing to stay on. we can gamble on this not happening again." she decides that, nah, let's just make a clean break. i say, possibly interrupting her as she waffles, "alright, then. lose this number," and hang up on her. it sucks that this guy got taken for a ride, but it also sucks that i basically threw the job away for no gain and he still got taken for a ride. (it was a minimum-wage job during the pandemic. i wasn't attached to it or anything.) a younger co-worker at my other job didn't understand why i did it. "they don't pay me enough to be a hero." my response was, "no, they don't pay me enough to be a villain."
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year, i worked at a small budget grocery store. a guy wanted three $500 prepaid visa gift cards. i immediately say, "hold on, are you sure this isn't an advanced fee scam?" "no, no, they are for my personal use." that is the response that phone scammers tell people to say if they are asked about why they are buying large denominations of cards. there were two tills at this store: mine, and the manager's. for some reason, the manager wasn't allowed to sell that amount of gift cards on their own terminal. (possibly an anti-theft measure?) but that meant that the $1500 of visa gift cards had to be rung up on my terminal. but i didn't feel good about this, so... i refused. i asked the customer what they were for, if it wasn't a scam. if he gives me an alternate reason, like "my three kids are all getting ps5s," i would have done it. but he refuses to clarify and apparently can't even make up a lie. when i refuse to budge, the man leaves... i presume to talk to the scammer outside on his phone. we call up the head manager and she says... well, we warned him, and that's all we can do. i say that we could do a little more and refuse to participate in this folderol. let him go somewhere else for his criminal activity. the manager on the floor says that i have to do it, because she can't do it on hers. she literally tries to push me out of the way of my terminal to do it, and i stand my ground as she tries to hip-push me, in what must have been a rather pathetic display. she finally says, "you can do this, or you can leave." so i left. after i cooled down a bit and got lunch, i call the head manager again and ask her... "should i even come in tomorrow? it's hard to hire people in december, so i am willing to stay on. we can gamble on this not happening again." she decides that, nah, let's just make a clean break. i say, possibly interrupting her as she waffles, "alright, then. lose this number," and hang up on her. it sucks that this guy got taken for a ride, but it also sucks that i basically threw the job away for no gain and he still got taken for a ride. (it was a minimum-wage job during the pandemic. i wasn't attached to it or anything.) a younger co-worker at my other job didn't understand why i did it. "they don't pay me enough to be a hero." my response was, "no, they don't pay me enough to be a villain." [/INST] yta. he didn't tell you what specifically they were for because he's a private citizen and it's none of your business. your manager told you to do it. you don't have to do anything you don't want but you should *expect* to lose your job. and ethically your manager was right, you can warn the guy but you can't live his life for him and that's not a good reason to refuse service. the only thing i'll say, not to either of your benefits, you could do a better job of warning them: actually explain the scam and point them to resources. but if they want to buy 3 gift cards, let them. your problem is you think so little of the customer. </s>
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AITA for refusing my sister’s offer to be in her bridal party and not giving an explanation?
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i (26m) fell in love with my sister's partner.
this began around a year ago when my sister had to travel for work for an extended period of time and her partner got into a pretty bad car accident just a week after she left. without going into too much detail about his injuries, he needed someone staying with him and helping him get around for a while. i do freelance work from home to support myself, so they asked me if i could go and stay in their home for a while as her partner's temporary caregiver while he recovered. i immediately agreed, wanting to help in any way i could.
her partner and i were already good friends prior to this situation, but living with someone and being there in some of their most intimate moments obviously strengthens a bond even further. we bonded over our many shared interests and got to talk about deeper things that were typically off limits in a group setting. by the time i realized my changing feelings, it was too late to distance myself from the situation. i had committed to helping him for the duration of his recovery and a sudden change in my behavior would just tip him off that something was wrong and add unnecessary stress to an already hard time. he had expressed feeling like a burden more than once. so, i pulled away the little bit i could and we rode out those last few weeks together before he was back on his feet again.
to make a long story short, the period that followed was full of guilt from me and confusion from my sister's partner by my quick disappearance following our time together. he eventually texted me and asked if he had done something wrong during our time together and pissed me off somehow, so we met up and i came clean. the conversation was a brutal one and it eventually ended in both of us agreeing we would limit our time together from now on as there was no hope for an actual future for us - it would simply be too weird given the history.
fast forward to now. the two of them got engaged somewhat recently and this past saturday, my sister asked me to be in her wedding as part of her bridal party. i asked her to let me think about it (which already caused some tension) and finally told her yesterday that i was incredibly grateful for her offer but i had to turn it down. i'm fine attending as a guest, but being in the party just feels too much. she is now furious with me and is demanding i give her an explanation at the very least, something i have refused.
aita?
| 6,544 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zeplpi/aita_for_refusing_my_sisters_offer_to_be_in_her/
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2022-12-07 02:28:20
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yta for having an emotional affair with your sisters fiance for sure. was it just emotional though? did you sleep together? you already admitted the feelings were reciprocated, why stop now?
your poor sister though. she deserves better than this. grow a pair and tell her the truth. don't let her marry someone who doesn't love her back.
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info
so did her partner have feelings for you? did her tell her about your conversation?
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kind of surprised by the vehement response, don't know why though. this is a hard one, maybe above reddit pay grade. i'm no psychologist, so with a grain of salt, but i do believe there are many sorts of bonds that people can form when there's a relationship or dynamic of helpless-helper. i think sometimes that dynamic lead to interdependence which can lead to feelings of attachment, romantic or otherwise. maybe you just really like feeling needed, and he likes aspects of being taken care of or nursed in some way. these sorts of bonds can be intense, but often unhealthy.
overall, nta for developing feelings, as that's outside of your control.
as to whether you should inform your sister of this emotional affair you two had is trickier. probably keeping your distance is a good start, as it seems you've been doing that, and see if the feelings fade.
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nah. so here's the thing. florence nightengale syndrome is a thing, where someone giving care falls in love with their patient. transference is also a thing, where a patient falls in love with their caregiver.
they're all feelings based on the fact that aspects of caring for a person, or being cared for, in a medical situation are, by nature, extremely intimate. i'm not saying both of your feelings boil down to simply this, but it literally sounds like the classic presentation of both. it's a trope for a reason. 😅
you talked about it like adults, were honest, and you both decided to walk away. you can't help what you feel, but you can help what you do, and you're doing the things socially considered correct. all that said, if you have a therapist, talk to them about this. they'll be able to help you cope.
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wtf did i just read? i'm so confused i can't even make a judgement.
this is a no win situation. you tell her, that would be terrible. you not telling her sucks too.
good luck. hope everything works out.
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yta for the way this is going to play out.
for originally developing feelings? nta
for admitting them? yta
for then hiding the fact that your sister’s now fiancé admitted to having feelings back, and that y’all met in secret to discuss, and that now you’re just going to let her marry someone who has had an emotional affair? major ah
mistakes were made, my dude.
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lol yta in the first sentence i stopped reading
fell in love with their soon to be husband? what are you a love struck 13 year old? get over it. your sibling deservs better. if this is real. i hope they find out quick.
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honestly; i think this is the wrong sub for this dilemma, and op would be better served in r/relationship. it looks to me that op has tried to make what seemed like the decent choice at each turn—helping out a sibling’s partner, distancing himself when it got emotional, explaining why he was creating distance, and staying away. i don’t think it’s fair to blame op for the other guy returning op’s affections, especially when op simply thought he was doing his sister a favor. **this was also definitely not an emotional affair.** if there were an emotional affair, it was entirely carried out by the sister’s partner. op had no idea his feelings were returned until after he removed himself, and op has left the other man alone.
the real question now is how to navigate op’s crush marrying into the family. it is concerning that op still feels strongly enough that he feels he can’t be part of the bridal party, and i encourage op to explore why that is. i do think that op should be honest to his sister about having developed feelings for her fiancé and allowing her agency in how their relationship will progress. it may seem like raising unnecessary drama over something that never happened, but it’s better to be open now, when walking away is still relatively easy. the issue is that sometimes when we try to protect people, we inadvertently deny them their agency in the matter.
op isn’t the ah for developing feelings and not wanting to be in the bridal party. but he would be the ah if he isn’t honest with his sister and if he doesn’t put in the work to get over those feelings.
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yta. for the unbelievable betrayal to your sister. you're a grown man acting like a lovestruck 13 year old who can't control themselves. you never should have spoken to her fiance in the first place and created this godforsaken mess.
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info: why did you confess to him? what were you trying to gain from telling him you were interested in him?
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.353259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (26m) fell in love with my sister's partner. this began around a year ago when my sister had to travel for work for an extended period of time and her partner got into a pretty bad car accident just a week after she left. without going into too much detail about his injuries, he needed someone staying with him and helping him get around for a while. i do freelance work from home to support myself, so they asked me if i could go and stay in their home for a while as her partner's temporary caregiver while he recovered. i immediately agreed, wanting to help in any way i could. her partner and i were already good friends prior to this situation, but living with someone and being there in some of their most intimate moments obviously strengthens a bond even further. we bonded over our many shared interests and got to talk about deeper things that were typically off limits in a group setting. by the time i realized my changing feelings, it was too late to distance myself from the situation. i had committed to helping him for the duration of his recovery and a sudden change in my behavior would just tip him off that something was wrong and add unnecessary stress to an already hard time. he had expressed feeling like a burden more than once. so, i pulled away the little bit i could and we rode out those last few weeks together before he was back on his feet again. to make a long story short, the period that followed was full of guilt from me and confusion from my sister's partner by my quick disappearance following our time together. he eventually texted me and asked if he had done something wrong during our time together and pissed me off somehow, so we met up and i came clean. the conversation was a brutal one and it eventually ended in both of us agreeing we would limit our time together from now on as there was no hope for an actual future for us - it would simply be too weird given the history. fast forward to now. the two of them got engaged somewhat recently and this past saturday, my sister asked me to be in her wedding as part of her bridal party. i asked her to let me think about it (which already caused some tension) and finally told her yesterday that i was incredibly grateful for her offer but i had to turn it down. i'm fine attending as a guest, but being in the party just feels too much. she is now furious with me and is demanding i give her an explanation at the very least, something i have refused. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (26m) fell in love with my sister's partner. this began around a year ago when my sister had to travel for work for an extended period of time and her partner got into a pretty bad car accident just a week after she left. without going into too much detail about his injuries, he needed someone staying with him and helping him get around for a while. i do freelance work from home to support myself, so they asked me if i could go and stay in their home for a while as her partner's temporary caregiver while he recovered. i immediately agreed, wanting to help in any way i could. her partner and i were already good friends prior to this situation, but living with someone and being there in some of their most intimate moments obviously strengthens a bond even further. we bonded over our many shared interests and got to talk about deeper things that were typically off limits in a group setting. by the time i realized my changing feelings, it was too late to distance myself from the situation. i had committed to helping him for the duration of his recovery and a sudden change in my behavior would just tip him off that something was wrong and add unnecessary stress to an already hard time. he had expressed feeling like a burden more than once. so, i pulled away the little bit i could and we rode out those last few weeks together before he was back on his feet again. to make a long story short, the period that followed was full of guilt from me and confusion from my sister's partner by my quick disappearance following our time together. he eventually texted me and asked if he had done something wrong during our time together and pissed me off somehow, so we met up and i came clean. the conversation was a brutal one and it eventually ended in both of us agreeing we would limit our time together from now on as there was no hope for an actual future for us - it would simply be too weird given the history. fast forward to now. the two of them got engaged somewhat recently and this past saturday, my sister asked me to be in her wedding as part of her bridal party. i asked her to let me think about it (which already caused some tension) and finally told her yesterday that i was incredibly grateful for her offer but i had to turn it down. i'm fine attending as a guest, but being in the party just feels too much. she is now furious with me and is demanding i give her an explanation at the very least, something i have refused. aita? [/INST] yta for having an emotional affair with your sisters fiance for sure. was it just emotional though? did you sleep together? you already admitted the feelings were reciprocated, why stop now? your poor sister though. she deserves better than this. grow a pair and tell her the truth. don't let her marry someone who doesn't love her back. </s>
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AITA for ruining a 'old mans' reputation? -After he altered a story where I asked him to clean up after his dog, to make me look like the 'bad guy'.
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(note, since people asked this was translated, he was a bit ruder in my native tongue.)
| 20,077 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gyyfk1/aita_for_ruining_a_old_mans_reputation_after_he/
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2020-06-08 12:30:33
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nta play stupid games, win stupid prizes
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nta... your neighbours now know who is leaving "deposits" now.
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nta. he ruined his own reputation by being unreasonable and a liar.
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nta if you had just explained yourself in the app maybe they wouldn't believe you, maybe you go overboard choosing the nastiest photos but after hearing how he mistreated that poor dog he totally deserves it.
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>people are apparently 'after' him on the app
yeaaa, he probably exagerated or invented this as well
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nta, he even deserves some extra for not letting the dog have a peacefull shit.
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nta, also rip your car washing sponge.
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nta. those images exist because those were his actions. grumpy old men having a bad day do not get to make everyone else's day worse. and given his reaction, i'm pretty sure he makes a lot of people's day worse every day because he sees nothing wrong with his dog defecating and pissing all over other peoples' property. boo hoo. he's getting "nasty messages" after going berserk in person at someone.
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nta. old man learned today. actions have consequences.
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>my neighbour thinks i went too far because some of our neighbourhood people are apparently 'after' him on the app now sending nasty messages.
i'd be curious to hear your neighbour's thoughts on why it's okay that he did this to you in the first place
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (note, since people asked this was translated, he was a bit ruder in my native tongue.)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(note, since people asked this was translated, he was a bit ruder in my native tongue.) [/INST] nta play stupid games, win stupid prizes </s>
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AITA for using the word "miscarry" to beat my wife in scrabble?
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for context, my wife and i have always been extremely competitive. it's an important part of our relationship, and she has gotten pissed at me in the past when she perceives i have thrown a game intentionally to spare her the sadness of losing.
tonight as we were playing scrabble, i had the option to play the word "miscarry" to win the game. from what i could tell, there were no other words i could've played that would have resulted in me winning.
sadly, a few months she had a miscarriage. it is still a sensitive topic. i chose to play the word, and she was super upset and hurt since i had the option to play the word. she is currently not speaking to me cause i failed to immediately apologize.
i think in the context of our relationship, she is overreacting. aita here??
edit 1: i have apologized profusely, and did so pretty quickly after (just not as i was playing the tiles). regardless, looks like the consensus is pretty clear.. thankfully she's a very forgiving woman.
| 13,106 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwxoqv/aita_for_using_the_word_miscarry_to_beat_my_wife/
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2019-06-05 02:53:09
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yta - come on man, can’t you tell by her reaction you fucked up? just go apologize you big dummy!
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yta for choosing to win a game of scrabble at the consequence of triggering negative memories in your wife. this is insensitive and you owe your wife an apology.
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really dude? yta. and a stupid one at that.
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yta - for thinking that circumstances don't change how you interact with people, especially your wife.
&#x200b;
i think that you did not mean to hurt her but you did so now you should apologize. that's how life is sometimes, you hurt people you care about (whether you mean to or not) and you say sorry for hurting them.
&#x200b;
you talk about the context of your relationship but the context changed when she miscarried and it might always be a sensitive thing for her or it might just be now as it's only been a few months. but real life changes the "rules" about what is acceptable all the time and it's important to be honest about that with yourself.
&#x200b;
story time - my brother lost two daughters within a year of each other due to birth complications (they were born at 23 weeks gestation and 24 weeks gestation). we had a tradition of family games nights about once a month and had always warmed up with a game of cards against humanity. that game has a bunch of dead baby references and they had historically been pretty funny and would occasionally win a round. the first games night we had after he lost his first daughter we took all the dead baby stuff out and left them out for about 4 years. at some point he mentioned not seeing them, we told him what we'd done, he got a bit emotional and thanked us but told us it wasn't necessary any more (he'd just become a father to healthy baby girl at the time). it was sensitive at the time and we could respect that, we still wanted to win the game but we loved our brother more than it was worth to do that.
&#x200b;
your wife matters more than context or the old "rules" of engagement.
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yta if you refuse to apologize because you think she’s overreacting. she had a miscarriage, dude. just apologize to her.
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> from what i could tell, there were no other words i could've played that would have resulted in me winning.
bullshit. yes yta. who brings up their significant other's trauma just to win a stupid game? that's honestly some sociopath shit.
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[deleted]
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yta. winning at scrabble is not worth it.
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yta, because you knew it would hurt her and still chose to do it, then didnt immediately apologize even though you knew it hurt her.
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this is a shitpost right?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, my wife and i have always been extremely competitive. it's an important part of our relationship, and she has gotten pissed at me in the past when she perceives i have thrown a game intentionally to spare her the sadness of losing. tonight as we were playing scrabble, i had the option to play the word "miscarry" to win the game. from what i could tell, there were no other words i could've played that would have resulted in me winning. sadly, a few months she had a miscarriage. it is still a sensitive topic. i chose to play the word, and she was super upset and hurt since i had the option to play the word. she is currently not speaking to me cause i failed to immediately apologize. i think in the context of our relationship, she is overreacting. aita here?? edit 1: i have apologized profusely, and did so pretty quickly after (just not as i was playing the tiles). regardless, looks like the consensus is pretty clear.. thankfully she's a very forgiving woman.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, my wife and i have always been extremely competitive. it's an important part of our relationship, and she has gotten pissed at me in the past when she perceives i have thrown a game intentionally to spare her the sadness of losing. tonight as we were playing scrabble, i had the option to play the word "miscarry" to win the game. from what i could tell, there were no other words i could've played that would have resulted in me winning. sadly, a few months she had a miscarriage. it is still a sensitive topic. i chose to play the word, and she was super upset and hurt since i had the option to play the word. she is currently not speaking to me cause i failed to immediately apologize. i think in the context of our relationship, she is overreacting. aita here?? edit 1: i have apologized profusely, and did so pretty quickly after (just not as i was playing the tiles). regardless, looks like the consensus is pretty clear.. thankfully she's a very forgiving woman. [/INST] yta - come on man, can’t you tell by her reaction you fucked up? just go apologize you big dummy! </s>
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AITA for being mad at my daughter for telling her bf stuff?
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i (69f) had my daughter (32f) and her bf (29m) over for dinner the other night. currently, my daughter lives very close by me, but she is getting ready to move in with her bf in about a month, and she will be about a hour away from me. a couple weeks ago, i had asked my daughter a couple questions. first, if her bf will be ok with her lack of cleanliness of her home when they live together (in my opinion, she doesn't clean enough), and if she will start dressing up more during the day once she lives with him (she works from home).
my daughter was already here when her bf got here. when he gave her a hug, he said, "what, no ball gown?" and she just laughed. i thought that was a weird comment, but i thought maybe it was an inside joke between the two of them or something. later on, he said something to her like, "man, i'm so happy that you're cleaner than me!" with a quick glance in my direction. that's when it clicked that she must have told him what i said.
after he left, i confronted my daughter about it, and she willingly admitted that she did tell him. i asked why should would think it was ok to tell him our private conversations, and she said, "i would never tell him something about you personally because that's no one's business but yours. but when you made those comments, you not only obviously insulted me, but you insulted him by insinuating that he is a shallow enough person to care about that kind of stuff. so yes, i told him what you said." then she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "mom, he's my number one now. he's my partner." and i just said, "well obviously my feelings don't matter anymore." and i asked her to leave. we haven't spoken since. aita?
| 6,168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tnkqlv/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_daughter_for_telling_her/
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2022-03-25 12:22:36
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yta. your daughter is an adult. you sound like you've made too many condescending comments. of course she's going to complain to her boyfriend when you've implied that she's messy/dirty and he won't want her because of it. worry about your own house.
the "my feelings don't matter anymore" is so manipulative and childish. your daughter sounds far more put together than you.
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op: insults daughter and boyfriend.
daughter: talks about it with boyfriend.
op: "my feelings are hurt! get out!"
daughter: "okay."
op: "why won't she talk with me?"
yta. i'm personally very impressed with how your daughter reacted to it. very mature and sensible. and their relationship seems very healthy.
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the fact that you have to ask (yes, yta) speaks volumes about you. seems your comments were intended to undermine your daughter's sense of self, that the "real her" (in your eyes) isn't good enough for her boyfriend. good on her boyfriend for gently correcting your criticisms and letting your daughter know she's perfect just as she is. it's called unconditional love -- you might have a better relationship with your daughter if you start appreciating who she is, rather than who you think she should be.
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yta. you were ta last time you posted about saying these things to her and you are ta yet again expecting that your criticism of her was somehow confidential. why is this surprising to you at this point? stop mistreating your daughter.
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so the [first time](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/tdwc0u/aita_for_how_im_treating_my_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) you posted and found to be the asshole wasn’t enough to tell you? cmon now
edit to add yta. in case that wasn’t clear
|
is [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/tdwc0u/aita_for_how_im_treating_my_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) you?
|
yta
when you criticise your kid you can hardly be surprised when they tell their partner.
thankfully he seems to love her just as she is.
the reason you got mad is because you know you were out of line and she exposed you.
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yta. stop trying to micromanage your daughter's life and getting all pissy when she calls you out on it. she's a grown woman.
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yta, what a horrible way to speak to your daughter. why are you trying to push her away?
of course she’s going to confide in her boyfriend about what you’ve said, it was directly related to her relationship and cohabitation with him.
maybe he shouldn’t have addressed it to your face, but you should be thankful he loves her for who she is
|
yta
did you post last week?
either way, put away your mom opinions, because your daughter is a grown ass woman. i can tell you as a fellow grown ass woman that this is annoying as hell. we are our own people. we are not our mother. all this does is make us feel not good enough, while also pushing us away.
as far as your daughter goes, why did you think this conversation was such a serious topic that it required secrecy? it’s you nitpicking her life, and her venting to her boyfriend about it. that’s pretty basic relationship stuff. this conversation was about her, which gives her every right to share it.
and quit with your mom line nonsense. “well, obviously my feelings don’t matter anymore,” is classic mom manipulation, and your children can see right through it. it doesn’t sway us. it just pisses us off, and makes us want to put distance between child and parent, because being manipulated isn’t something people need to put up with.
|
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (69f) had my daughter (32f) and her bf (29m) over for dinner the other night. currently, my daughter lives very close by me, but she is getting ready to move in with her bf in about a month, and she will be about a hour away from me. a couple weeks ago, i had asked my daughter a couple questions. first, if her bf will be ok with her lack of cleanliness of her home when they live together (in my opinion, she doesn't clean enough), and if she will start dressing up more during the day once she lives with him (she works from home). my daughter was already here when her bf got here. when he gave her a hug, he said, "what, no ball gown?" and she just laughed. i thought that was a weird comment, but i thought maybe it was an inside joke between the two of them or something. later on, he said something to her like, "man, i'm so happy that you're cleaner than me!" with a quick glance in my direction. that's when it clicked that she must have told him what i said. after he left, i confronted my daughter about it, and she willingly admitted that she did tell him. i asked why should would think it was ok to tell him our private conversations, and she said, "i would never tell him something about you personally because that's no one's business but yours. but when you made those comments, you not only obviously insulted me, but you insulted him by insinuating that he is a shallow enough person to care about that kind of stuff. so yes, i told him what you said." then she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "mom, he's my number one now. he's my partner." and i just said, "well obviously my feelings don't matter anymore." and i asked her to leave. we haven't spoken since. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (69f) had my daughter (32f) and her bf (29m) over for dinner the other night. currently, my daughter lives very close by me, but she is getting ready to move in with her bf in about a month, and she will be about a hour away from me. a couple weeks ago, i had asked my daughter a couple questions. first, if her bf will be ok with her lack of cleanliness of her home when they live together (in my opinion, she doesn't clean enough), and if she will start dressing up more during the day once she lives with him (she works from home). my daughter was already here when her bf got here. when he gave her a hug, he said, "what, no ball gown?" and she just laughed. i thought that was a weird comment, but i thought maybe it was an inside joke between the two of them or something. later on, he said something to her like, "man, i'm so happy that you're cleaner than me!" with a quick glance in my direction. that's when it clicked that she must have told him what i said. after he left, i confronted my daughter about it, and she willingly admitted that she did tell him. i asked why should would think it was ok to tell him our private conversations, and she said, "i would never tell him something about you personally because that's no one's business but yours. but when you made those comments, you not only obviously insulted me, but you insulted him by insinuating that he is a shallow enough person to care about that kind of stuff. so yes, i told him what you said." then she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "mom, he's my number one now. he's my partner." and i just said, "well obviously my feelings don't matter anymore." and i asked her to leave. we haven't spoken since. aita? [/INST] yta. your daughter is an adult. you sound like you've made too many condescending comments. of course she's going to complain to her boyfriend when you've implied that she's messy/dirty and he won't want her because of it. worry about your own house. the "my feelings don't matter anymore" is so manipulative and childish. your daughter sounds far more put together than you. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let a woman take for from my green house and pressing charges
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i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence.
we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner.
i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges.
she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed.
aita?
edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing.
i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't.
| 22,973 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kra9ca/aita_for_refusing_to_let_a_woman_take_for_from_my/
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2021-01-05 23:05:30
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nta - she stole from you. she should have talked with you beforehand. the fact that she has the lie “i know the owner” ready to go makes me think she’s used to stealing.
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nta, it was clearly a private greenhouse, she lied about knowing the owner, she filled a bag full, and then she complained about it a theft being added to her record. she knew she was doing something illegal, completely her fault. she’s just mad she got caught.
get a trespassing charge on her too. if you catch her again, charges will be worse for her. she deserves it.
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nta!
she was stealing from you!
assuming you are in the us, if she needs food assistance, there is snap (food stamps), the food handouts that are going on all over and churches who will giver her food.
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nta. she could’ve knocked on your door and asked instead of trespassing and stealing.
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nta
she's trespassing and damaging and stealing your property - it's not better because it's food - its your food. she didn't even ask, and then had the nerve to lie. lol no. absolutely do not reward that behavior.
given that she just moved into the nice area and evidently has internet, it's unlikely she's even needing food anyway. she's probably just some entitled yuppie after some free organic veg rather than someone in genuine need. not that it's your problem anyway.
but how do you know about her facebook if you don't know her? did you add her or something? anyway just block them.
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nta
start locking the greenhouse i guess
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nta
"can't afford this on her record"
how about not giving the legal system another reason to file charges against you? it's not that difficult to understand.
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nta. she was stealing. if she was so concerned about having theft on her record then she shouldn't have been a theif.
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nta. if she had asked before she took the food, then i’d call you ta. but straight up trespassing and trying to steal? uh uh. she deserved what she got.
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nta.
first of all, it is your own greenhouse and you can do with it as you please and besides, theft is kinda theft.
second of all, i feel that the whole "i am trying to feed my child" argument is just an excuse because if she was truly in a bad position she wouldnt have done the whole "i am friends with the owner, dont mind me" spiel.
she is now playing the victim card to everyone that will listen, so dont worry too much about it since they dont know your side of the story as well.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence. we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner. i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges. she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed. aita? edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing. i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30m) live in a nice little neighborhood, everyone knows everybody, we all have our own space and many have flower gardens. i have a green house in my backyard that is visible from the street and behind a four foot picket fence. we got a new neighbor, haven't had the chance to meet them until today. i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the green house so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my green house. i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner. i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause in the owner and i don't know who the hell they are. when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables, i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges. she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a theft and took the food from her and called the cops. she's telling everyone im an asshole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong, her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an asshole and should be ashamed. aita? edited for information: when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing. i don't have her on facebook. however my name is on my mail box and have since put my account to private. if she had asked first, by all means i would have given her a couple peppers, tomatoes even some squash, but she didn't. [/INST] nta - she stole from you. she should have talked with you beforehand. the fact that she has the lie “i know the owner” ready to go makes me think she’s used to stealing. </s>
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AITA for buying my granddaughter more expensive gifts than my grandson?
|
i have many grandchildren but this is about the oldest ones , jake(18) and maya(18) (they are cousins not siblings)
18th birthday's are very important in our family so for jake's 18th birthday i told him i will buy him whatever he wants (as long as it's reasonable of course). he told me he needs a new phone so i bought one for him which costed me around 1000 dollars. i encouraged him to choose other gifts as well but he said it's enough.
for maya's 18th birthday i did the same thing and told her to choose whatever she wants, she gave me a list of the things that she wanted and it costed me about 7000 dollars.
i was a bit unsure whether i should buy them or not but decided that it would be unfair if i don't buy it because jake had the same offer and he chose not to get anything else.
jake's father(my son) was very angry at maya's birthday. he said i'm showing favoritism. i tried to explain to him that i'm not because jake had the same offer.
his argument was that i raised maya (her parents worked a lot and i was basically her babysitter) while i didn't have as much contact with jake (his mom was a sahm) so naturally maya would be closer to me and it would be easier for her to ask me for things
| 7,064 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wlvcln/aita_for_buying_my_granddaughter_more_expensive/
|
2022-08-11 16:15:56
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yta. while you gave them a choice, which is nice, you should have decided that each one of them would get an equal value of gifts. if you spent $1,000 on one, that should have been the cap for the other. no one told you had to buy all the gifts on maya's list. you made that choice.
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yta for not capping the offer. i mean, really, who asks for $7000 worth of birthday items and actually gets them?
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yta. you basically punished your grandson for being more polite than your granddaughter.
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eh, i hesitate to call you an asshole but your son is right that the circumstances make maya a lot more comfortable asking you for things and that jake wouldn't feel that comfortable. a more fair way to handle it would be to give jake the difference in cash so that he didn't have to ask for an amount he'd likely feel was too much.
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yta you knew you would be buying both of them 18th birthday presents and that jake's was first. you should have set the price range then.
what almost certainly happened is that jake thought he was already lucky you bought him a top of the line phone and didn't want to come off as being greedy. if you had told him you were willing to spend up to "x" and would be doing the same for his cousin, he would have felt free to ask for more.
you also had the opportunity to tell maya that the price range was around one thousand dollars after spending that on jake.
you might think you have been clever by making them the "same offer" but anyone with a functioning brain cell can see that you had multiple ways of making it fair.
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your grandson, not being given any real guidance, picked a reasonable amount, which was polite. your granddaughter, though not technically impolite, because again, no real guidance, was a little greedy.
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nta
two things:
1) you gave both grandchildren the choice to buy whatever they wanted and even encouraged your grandson to buy more but he didn't want to. i would recommend you still reach out to your grandson and make sure he isn't upset with you, just to be sure.
2) because i've seen so many comments saying that you shouldn't be spending the money on your granddaughter: if you have the money, and are willing to spend it on your grandchildren, then it's nobody else's business. 7000 may be too much for some people to afford, but if you can then good for you!! 100 or even 50 is also a lot for some people to afford. you shouldn't stop yourself from spending money on your family because people on the internet are jealous!
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yta for spending that much money for birthday gifts.
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yta
open an account for grandson and put in the $6,000 to get him even. tell the rest of the grands there is a $7,000 cap, pick up to that amount or whatever they want under the cap and open them accounts with the rest up to the cap amount. if you didn't give jake an amount, how would he know that you would spend that much? give them all a heads up so they aren't shorted and don't think they are up against the golden grandchild.
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yta. yes, you did ask your grandson what he wanted, and were willing to buy it. same for your granddaughter.
if we were talking about a couple hundred extra dollars more, that'd be one thing. you spent *seven times* as much money on your granddaughter. can you see how this might seem like you're showing favoritism, *even accidentally*?
yeah, if you didn't have a tremendous relationship with your grandson *before*, i cannot see how this improved it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have many grandchildren but this is about the oldest ones , jake(18) and maya(18) (they are cousins not siblings) 18th birthday's are very important in our family so for jake's 18th birthday i told him i will buy him whatever he wants (as long as it's reasonable of course). he told me he needs a new phone so i bought one for him which costed me around 1000 dollars. i encouraged him to choose other gifts as well but he said it's enough. for maya's 18th birthday i did the same thing and told her to choose whatever she wants, she gave me a list of the things that she wanted and it costed me about 7000 dollars. i was a bit unsure whether i should buy them or not but decided that it would be unfair if i don't buy it because jake had the same offer and he chose not to get anything else. jake's father(my son) was very angry at maya's birthday. he said i'm showing favoritism. i tried to explain to him that i'm not because jake had the same offer. his argument was that i raised maya (her parents worked a lot and i was basically her babysitter) while i didn't have as much contact with jake (his mom was a sahm) so naturally maya would be closer to me and it would be easier for her to ask me for things
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have many grandchildren but this is about the oldest ones , jake(18) and maya(18) (they are cousins not siblings) 18th birthday's are very important in our family so for jake's 18th birthday i told him i will buy him whatever he wants (as long as it's reasonable of course). he told me he needs a new phone so i bought one for him which costed me around 1000 dollars. i encouraged him to choose other gifts as well but he said it's enough. for maya's 18th birthday i did the same thing and told her to choose whatever she wants, she gave me a list of the things that she wanted and it costed me about 7000 dollars. i was a bit unsure whether i should buy them or not but decided that it would be unfair if i don't buy it because jake had the same offer and he chose not to get anything else. jake's father(my son) was very angry at maya's birthday. he said i'm showing favoritism. i tried to explain to him that i'm not because jake had the same offer. his argument was that i raised maya (her parents worked a lot and i was basically her babysitter) while i didn't have as much contact with jake (his mom was a sahm) so naturally maya would be closer to me and it would be easier for her to ask me for things [/INST] yta. while you gave them a choice, which is nice, you should have decided that each one of them would get an equal value of gifts. if you spent $1,000 on one, that should have been the cap for the other. no one told you had to buy all the gifts on maya's list. you made that choice. </s>
|
AITA for sleeping naked on top of the covers to teach my flatmate's gf a lesson?
|
new to reddit, please bare with.
so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us.
however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't".
when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?
| 47,420 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d10cpy/aita_for_sleeping_naked_on_top_of_the_covers_to/
|
2019-09-07 19:21:39
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nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock?
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nta do these people not realize how crazy they sound?
"you were naked in your own room!? you are out of order mister".
if they are the sort of people who then go around telling people you are some sick creep, they are not your friends.
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wow, what assholes. you're ta because she barged into your room?! f them! and also, obvi, nta.
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nta. who barges in without knocking? assholes.
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nta. they both are. lock your door from now on if you can.
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nta.
this girl sounds like she's blatantly trying to get you in trouble.... maybe she has a twisted plan to get you out of the house?
i don't know, but it seriously sounds like she might be doing this on purpose.
&#x200b;
you told her to knock on many many occasions and she even giggled when you said "next time i will be bloody naked" and then you get called a pervert and an ass for actually following through?
she is most certainly the asshole here.
&#x200b;
sit down with your friend and really get this point across that she is invading your privacy.
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nta. you "threatened " to do it yet she still barged in. what does that say about her? 😁
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esh. she needs to respect privacy but yeah, you knew full well what she would do and, rather than talk to your friend like an adult about how uncomfortable it makes you, you knowingly and deliberately exposed yourself to her.
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nta, i actually think it's pretty funny this is the way you chose to make your point. you deserve your privacy and she obviously isn't respecting that. if you told her before and she just shrugged it off then maybe a little shock and real life demonstration is what she needed in order to get the point across. also screw those people. you didn't expose yourself to her, she exposed herself to you by barging into your private space after being warned already. you have every right to be naked in the privacy of your own room
|
nta but you can get around this two ways. replace the whole knob with a locking one. keep the old one and put it back when you leave. or even easier buy a rubber wedge and put it under the door. shepherd hardware 9133 heavy duty rubber door wedge, brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/b00004yohn/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5zaddbrn85dw1 $3.49 problem solved.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
new to reddit, please bare with. so i (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. up until last week, things were perfect between us. however, he recently got a new girlfriend (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. she and i have quite a lot in common, and i actually like spending time with her. however it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward; i'm usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. however, on at least seven seperate occasions now she's done it first thing in the morning to ask if i want coffee. i sleep naked. every time prior to the last one, i've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything. i always point out that she *could* have and she just giggles and says "but i didn't". when she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, i intentionally slept on top of the covers. sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if i want coffee and sees my you-know-what. she immediately backed out of the room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that i'd "threatened" to do it before (i literally just said "okay but what if i had no covers and you saw everything" before). they're now framing this to others that i'm some sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in wait of her because that's how i get my rocks off, and i'm kinda seeing how it came off that way. aita for doing this? [/INST] nta. she knew it was a risk when she barged in. how is she not the pervert? also, have you considered getting a lock? </s>
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AITA for saying my wife wasn’t my “dream girl” in a trivia game?
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so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately.
we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins.
so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point.
well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character.
my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole?
(and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.)
| 10,780 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hqukam/aita_for_saying_my_wife_wasnt_my_dream_girl_in_a/
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2020-07-14 04:05:51
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yta. who humiliates their wife in front of friends? oh...right..... you do. i would strongly suggest you quit your spin class immediately and spend as much time and effort as it may take groveling to win back your wife's trust. good grief man.
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yta. "dream girl" - i.e. someone you will literally never get the chance with, like a celebrity. you don't put down someone that you know in real life that you interface with on a regular basis.
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[removed]
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yta.
>i feel really bad
good
>but also really confused
well that's unfortunate.
> i don’t know how to deal with this
google ways that people across various cultures atone for shameful and inexcusable failure. then do all of them.
>is she overreacting or am i an asshole?
how is this a real question.
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yta
i feel bad for your wife. how humiliating and what an insensitive thing to say.
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yta
come on man, a woman you know in real life? there is such a clear difference between talking about a celebrity crush or a character from a tv show, but you chose someone you realitisically could hook up with, which is what your wife will be thinking about from now on when you go to spin class.
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yta holy fuck
it's one thing to put a celebrity who you both have no chance with and who is paid to be sexy. another to fucking say you wish you could have sex with your spin teacher. jesus christ.
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yta
you just told your wife you're settling for her in terms of attraction and you would rather sexually be with someone you not only know in person but already have an established relationship with (instructor/student)
it doesn't matter that you have no plans on being unfaithful, you just made her feel like garbage compared to a tasty snack you see on the regular. i wouldn't be surprised if this festers into a permanent wedge in your relationship.
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[removed]
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yta, the fact you answered a real person that you could actually genuinely cheat on your wife with makes you an asshole. i'm not sure what's hard to understand about that?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately. we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins. so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point. well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character. my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole? (and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my wife and i have been doing a game night every so often with some other couples via zoom since we can’t go out and see people lately. we were playing this card game the other night that was like basically a trivia game for couples to play and you are asked a question and you write down your answer and your partner has to guess what they think you answered. if they guess correctly your team gets a point. whichever couples knows each other the best wins. so some of the questions in this version were a little spicy and one of the questions was “who is your dream man/woman to have sex with.” i wrote down my spin instructor, since my wife knows i think she’s hot, and thought she’d guess her and we’d get a point. well, fuck me, turns out every other husband either wrote down their wife or a celebrity/fictional character. my wife was livid, and upset. i tried to explain i didn’t actually *want* to do anything with my spin instructor and i would never even briefly consider being unfaithful, it was just me trying to play the game. she doesn’t believe me, saying everyone else’s instinct was women who didn’t exist or better yet, their wives. i feel really bad, but also really confused. i don’t know how to deal with this. is she overreacting or am i an asshole? (and no need to tell me about the curb your enthusiasm episode. no i hadn’t seen it. yes i’ve seen it now. almost every man there sent me references to it as soon as the video was off.) [/INST] yta. who humiliates their wife in front of friends? oh...right..... you do. i would strongly suggest you quit your spin class immediately and spend as much time and effort as it may take groveling to win back your wife's trust. good grief man. </s>
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AITA for banning alcohol from Christmas.
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my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking.
this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up.
my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging.
now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober.
my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude.
now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year.
| 24,707 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zalhix/aita_for_banning_alcohol_from_christmas/
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2022-12-02 12:57:08
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yta and the grinch who stole boozemas
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yta for having a fit when no one wants to attend your optional gathering where alcohol is banned because you personally think it's childish. now all your in-laws know that you think they're immature alcoholics, so why on earth would you expect them to go to your dinner when you think that about them? no less on a holiday where yes, most people expect there to be festive alcoholic drinks served.
i don't even drink at dinners outside my home because i'm always driving home after, but i sure wouldn't attend one like yours. ya turkey ain't that good.
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kindly, yta. i understand where you come from. but you need to understand where other people come from too.
it's not your wedding or your birthday : this celebration is not about you and your wants. it's a celebration to bring people together.
most people work hard all year and rarely get to see their family. when they do, they want to relax and celebrate. it sucks, but yes, alcohol is part of this. i get that you don't want to see people dead drunk in your house : but there is an healthy "a couple of drinks" in between.
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yta for a variety of reasons.
1. for unilaterally banning alcohol. it’s presumably your husbands house too so why didn’t you have a discussion with him?
2. for getting mad that someone else decided to host christmas after they found out you banned alcohol. an invitation is not a summons and you’re imposing rules a lot of people don’t want to follow on the holidays.
3. from not allowing your husband to celebrate christmas with his family. that’s not your decision to make.
4. for your overall attitude around your ils and drinking. having a few drinks for the holidays is okay, it’s not a gross or nasty thing that we should judge.
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yta because you made an executive decision for everyone else and now you're pouting because they found a way around you. that type of behavior is childish as well. you can make rules for your home. you can choose to not drink and not like to be around drinking. nobody else has to be forced to come in line with your expectations. they are allowed to do as they please, elsewhere.
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as a non-drinker who also saw my share of alcoholism, i totally understand where you are coming from.
but unless something very specific has happened that you can point to, or you established up front that you wanted to host alcohol-free gatherings, yta for making such a major change to the rules and expecting his family to fall in line. christmas is not about you--it's about family, friendship, tradition, and celebrating together, and you chose to marry into a family in which alcohol is an integral part of their tradition. and your childish and "it's time to grow up" comments are judgmental and downright sanctimonious.
i almost gave this an e s h because your husband wasn't fully supporting you, but it seems like you didn't actually discuss this rule change with him, and he does have a right to have input into something major like this.
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info:. have any past christmases/events been absolutely ruined because of alcohol?
by that i mean violence, drama, puking on the floor, whatever?
if not, this is a pretty strange rule to implement with your husband's family. they have nothing to do with your father being an alcoholic. if my boyfriend told my mother she can't drink wine with her christmas supper i would find that weird as hell.
yta unless something truly awful happened previously due to alcohol that would explain this.
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i was hovering between n a h and yta, but i’m going to go with yta.
the reason i’d say n a h is because you can set the rules at your house-they can choose not to attend because of it.
however, i do think yta because of your attitudes towards people who drink, your judgmental attitude, for shoving your husband in the middle, and for thinking everyone else is ta because they don’t want to make the same choices you do. you’re banning alcohol because you personally think it’s childish, you’re judging people who drink, and you’re surprised they don’t want to get together with you? neither would i, and not because you’re not serving alcohol, but because of your snobby, holier-than-thou attitude. you think you’re better than them because you don’t drink-or at the very least, that’s the vibe you’re giving off.
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you get a dry xmas, they get a merry xmas. your husband unfortunately is stuck with you.
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it sounds like you’re projecting your trauma onto everyone. yta, go to therapy
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NAH
| null |
YTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking. this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up. my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging. now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober. my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude. now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husbands family likes to drink. every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. i hate drinking i have never drank my father was an alcoholic i think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking. this year i’m hosting christmas for a change i decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up. my husbands sister called to ask what she could bring. she saw a recipe for a christmas martini that she wanted to bring. i told her about my no alcohol rule. she didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. some of them started texting me asking me if i was serious and saying that it is lame. but i’m not budging. now it turns out my husbands sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. it’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober. my husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but i won’t it’s so rude. now husband is mad because i’m making him stay home and spend christmas with me but it was my turn to host and i chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year. [/INST] yta and the grinch who stole boozemas </s>
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AITA for telling a woman who lives in my complex that yes having her husband check me out turns me on?
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okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here.
this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means.
so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm.
i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?
| 28,405 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fvx43x/aita_for_telling_a_woman_who_lives_in_my_complex/
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2020-04-06 11:28:35
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nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled.
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nta, that's hilarious. yes, she is insecure, and that's sad. but she tried to made that insecurity your problem, so you have every right to hand it back to her and make her deal with it herself.
sometimes i think that women like that really want to control their partners, but they can't so instead try to control all the women around their partners. they are both controlling and deluded.
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nta. what did she expect? her goal was to make you feel like crap. you don't have to accept that. good for you. mayne she'll think twice in the future.
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nta
that's hysterical. at least her husband thought so!
no, it wasn't the most demure response, but the woman thought she could shame you, but instead you embarrassed her! she'll think twice before talking crap like that again to a perfect stranger.
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oh man i was all set to say you were ta based on the title, but given the rest of the context, you are not only nta, you are my hero.
i worked as a lifeguard through high school and college. at my last pool, a member apparently complained to management, asking that i should be required to wear something less revealing (it was a lifeguard suit, the same one my two female coworkers wore, but she only complained about me). when management pressed about why it was an issue, she apparently shouted “i have body issues!” and scurried away.
the owner, manager, and assistant manager all discussed it and decided to never tell me because “her body issues were not [my] problem.” (eventually i did find out about it, obviously.)
since then, that’s been my go-to for any woman shaming another for looking healthy in their general vicinity: a person’s body issues belong to that person alone and are no one else’s responsibility.
and props on the hilarious reply, i probably would have just sputtered and felt bad about myself and then cried later and not left the house without a hoodie for many weeks - even if i knew she was wrong (i can see why my bosses decided not to tell me about the body shamer).
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[removed]
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nta, she confronted you, even if she is insecure she was looking for a fight
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esh to varying to degrees. you only suck a tiny bit for not being a tad more sensitive. the woman is misdirecting her anger and her husband is kind of a dick for making it so blatant that she feels threatened.
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[deleted]
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nta. she set out to make you feel negatively. you gave that negativity right back and she didn't like it. moral is, don't dish it out if you can't take it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, hear me out. i live in a complex that is built in a circle so its like a track. a lot of people use it to run, walk, etc. i've always used it to run/walk as well. i live in florida so i usually wear leggings and a sports bra or a tank top. i literally only wear it because it's insanely hot here. this woman always gave me dirty looks when i'd walk by her apartment (she'd be sitting on her porch.) there are a few maintenance guys (not sure if that is the correct title for them - but that is what everyone calls them) that walk and ride around on golf carts throughout the day. i soon realized that the dirty look woman is married to one of the maintenance workers. i am always polite to them, but have never talked to them by any means. so, yesterday i was working out on the tennis court which is near their apartment. her and her husband were sitting on the porch. she is giving me the dirtiest looks and is making me pretty uncomfortable but i try to ignore it. before i leave she says, "do you like get off on having the maintenance men check you out all day?" to which i replied, "actually yes it makes me super wet. they are what keeps my sex drive high." she looked shocked and her husband started laughing and then she smacked him on the arm. i came back and told my mom this story and she said i should be more sensitive and obviously the woman is insecure. now i kinda feel bad. aita? [/INST] nta. she kind of had that coming. i hate women who think that workout outfits are asking to be ogled. </s>
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AITA for buying my (21M) stepmom (50F) a burger of her own because she keeps picking food off of me and my sibling’s plates?
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my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend.
now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do.
just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention.
when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.”
she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita?
| 18,687 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l3j1p9/aita_for_buying_my_21m_stepmom_50f_a_burger_of/
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2021-01-23 19:51:46
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nta
she's only pissed because she can pretend she's healthier than she is if she doesn't actually have her own burger.
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nta you are sharing... a whole ass burger. it pisses me off when i offer something to someone and they say no... only to take from my portion of the food
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nta she needs to grow up and get her own plate. its rude to always eat off someones plate. if your trying something for the first time or you offer something to them but to assume every time is rude.
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>“here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish.
nta
this is great karma, well done.
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nta. *she’s* the one being disrespectful by touching food on others people’s plates and continuing to do so when they clearly object. not to mention it is disgustingly unhygienic. does she sip everyone’s drinks too?
your dad needs to grow a set and coach her on hygiene and respect. being older is not carte blanche to act any way you want. geesh.
lastly, i had a roommate who did this *constantly*. would refuse to join in on the order, then sit down uninvited and eat with us and then, get this, would whilst shoveling kung pao down her gullet, whip out a dollar bill and hold it out like it a) paid for the amount of food she consumed and b) resulted somehow in negative caloric consumption for her.
people like this have major major self-awareness issues and also like to actively lie to themselves about what they’re doing. there’s no way to fix her - you just need to keep doing this until she stops through frustration.
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nta - how can you be selfish when you bought an entire burger for her?
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nta but she is for obvious reasons, and so is your dad. what kind of parent allows his wife to come in and steal food that their kids bought for themselves? he shouldn't be let off the hook here.
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ianap, she's has a psychological illness with food, i'm guessing. buy her a burger next time as well, and when she blows up, recommend she seek counseling. that woman is unstable and it's impacting your happiness.
nta.
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nta. your stepmother seems very rude. it's almost as though stealing off your plates deludes her into feeling she's not eating any? but her apparent need to delude herself is not your problem, and picking off your plates is rude as hell. you graciously offered her food in an acceptable way and she reacted like a spoiled toddler. perhaps don't invite her at all next time you junk up. host the meal at your home away from her.
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nta but your step-mom is. over react much? 🙄
she is being very disrespectful to you.
she needs to get a grip. you are all adults and it is absurd of her to over react. next time, each of you and your siblings should order two meals each. put one by each plate for step-mom and eat the other. if she raids someone's plate, there is another hamburger. 😁
frankly, i would secretly load up a hamburger with really hot sauce and give it to her to take a bite. 😁
but i am petty like that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend. now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do. just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention. when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend. now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do. just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention. when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita? [/INST] nta she's only pissed because she can pretend she's healthier than she is if she doesn't actually have her own burger. </s>
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AITA for giving my family the silent treatment over their slut bet?
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i'm a freshman in college and before college i was homeschooled basically my whole life. because of that i have pretty bad social anxiety.
regardless of that, i was really excited to go to college and finally have freedom (apart from the covid safety measures.) my parents really didn't want me to go and threw a huge fit about it since they think i only want to go to sleep around and drink. every time i spoke to them while i was away they would try to get me to come back home so i stopped answering their calls as often which really pissed my mom off. i went from talking to my parents multiple times a day to around once a week though i would still speak with my siblings.
they were literally obsessed with the idea of me leaving their home and becoming a "whore" which was odd since they'd never been like that before. they have this idea that i'm a "good girl gone wild". they used to let me have co-ed sleepovers and hang out with guys whenever i wanted.
anyways, i was talking to my sister (15) and she told me about this bet that my family had made. i guess in retaliation for me not answering their calls, they were betting if i'd become a slut in college. they were speculating on when i'd lose my virginity, how many guys i'd sleep with, if i'd sleep with a girl, etc. she sent me a few screenshots and it seemed almost like a big passive aggressive joke.
it wasn't just my parents in it; it had my siblings, cousins and aunts. while they were seemingly kidding, i felt extremely embarrassed.
i didn't know how to bring it up because i didn't want my sister to get in trouble for showing me so it went on for a while.
i finally texted my mom about it and asked her if she would please delete the chat or atleast add me to it so it wasn't just my family talking and clowning me behind my back. i didn't mention that it was my sister who had shown me it. my mother insisted that they weren't talking about me and that i was being a primadonna even though i literally have evidence.
since it was obvious that they weren't going to delete it, i told my mom that i wasn't going to come home for christmas and i wasn't going to come visit her after her surgery (she's having surgery soon and asked me to come). partially out of anger and because of embarrassment.
christmas is my mom's favorite holiday and she always goes all out for it. she wanted me to be her caretaker after the surgery since after christmas "her money will be tight" and she didn't want to pay for one. she says that i'm abandoning her and i think that she stabbed me in the back.
tl;dr: family made a bet about how much of a slut i'd become in college so now i'm not going home for christmas and i'm not taking care of my mother.
aita?
| 20,437 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7bpjd/aita_for_giving_my_family_the_silent_treatment/
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2020-12-05 17:34:39
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nta
tell them you've got pregnant from an orgy and all the potential dads want to visit.
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nta
they would all be getting christmas cards from me with their chats printed in them.
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this sounds really nuts. who does that? did not a single person in the family object to this line of texting amongst themselves? your family is so far out of line. this is indecent. don’t go home for christmas. take the screenshots your sister sent you and print them out and send them to each of these awful relatives as a christmas card. they’re behavior is reprehensible.
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nta. wow. their little betting pool is one of the most disgusting things i've ever read about on this sub. i can't imagine talking about my own child that way.
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nta your family is a bunch of assholes. i’m curious, are you the first of your family to go to college? it almost sounds like they are jealous or resent your decision to go so they’re disparaging you in the only way they can think of.
i agree with another comment to tell your mom you can’t come to christmas or take care of her because it conflicts with the big ol holiday slut orgy you and all your slutty slut friends have slut planned for slut christmas
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nta. your sex life is really none of their business. your mom calling you a primadonna when you called her out says she cares more about her "joke" than your feelings.
so fuck her feelings when you don't come home. hold strong and don't visit. when she inevitably throws a bitchfit about "how hurt she is" that you didn't see her after her surgery, tell her she now knows how that chat makes you feel. when she tries to claim, "that's different!" tell her she's being a primadonna and hang up. in fact, throw her words back at her every time she whines at you until she apologizes and deletes the chat.
you also made the right call to go low contact. what kind of garbage person slut-shames their daughter just because she left home (read: gained freedom and independence away from them).
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please don’t help your mother after her surgery! this is the best sort of setup to abuse you she and the rest of your family could ever hope for. they (especially your mother but i bet many other would join in) can order you around day and night, guilt trip you and keep you in a situation where you can’t leave when verbally abused. if you try to stand up for yourself you will be told that you have no sympathy for your mother who is hurting and the strain on the family because you are leaving them to do whatever they say you do on your own. the way they are treating you right now is awful. what they tell you over the phone is awful. the chat is even worse. they will not be nicer in person. the thing about hateful chats like this one where they discuss you is that they normalise that way of thinking. when everyone agrees they feel like they are in the right and in this case you know your potential security net will not be there for you. the more hurtful things are being said the boundaries are shifted to allow even more. please don’t do that to yourself. it is not an “honour” to be “the only one she trust enough” to help her and you are not obligated to do that. she is obviously very close to other family members and i wonder why they don’t step up... it’s probably not because you live closer.
if you are worried about your sister you should tell her that she can contact you anytime and that you will be there for her if she needs help but you being present for christmas and other occasions will not be helpful to anyone. it is not good for your sister to witness the rest of your family verbally abuse you in a disturbingly sexualised way any more than she already does. i can’t wrap my head around involving an underage girl in this advanced organised slut shaming campaign. the only reason i can see would be to discourage her from making her own decisions about her life because this is abuse. adults should never involve children in this kind of sexual conversation. i’m all for sexual education and answering questions in an age appropriate way but this isn’t it.
as for christmas there are usually things to do in a college town. many students are in your situation or just can’t afford / have the time to go home for christmas. the tricky part is to figure out where to look but you will not have to be alone if you stay.
i have so much more i could say but i’m getting too upset. just know that if you have a sex life, thats ok. if not, that also ok. be safe and respect yourself and whoever else is involved. don’t push yourself or feel ashamed of who you are.
take care of yourself ♡
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nta
remember this isn't just about you. this is about making sure all the younger women in the family know better than to follow in your footsteps.
it's a preview of the shame they would also experience.
so this is probably even worse than you think. and being added to that chat, and having a serious discussion about how education isn't shameful is required. if they're not even apologizing, then they do see nothing wrong.
so sorry your family is like this op. if you have daughters, deeply consider how to manage a healthy relationship. my mom gave up, but not before some real weird stuff was said to both me and my brother. so your situation is familiar to me. (my mom left and became a registered nurse. in the 80's)
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nta. it's fucking bizarre that your family would speculate on your sex life like that, and they sound quite overbearing since they resent you for wanting your space. you are 100% entitled to your space, and quite honestly, to an apology
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going away to college is a wonderful milestone for young adults and they turned it into... this. that's really, really weird.
if your mother wants you to do something for her, maybe she should try not participating in a demeaning and gross "joke" behind your back? ugh.
nta. i wouldn't go back either. she can make other arrangements.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a freshman in college and before college i was homeschooled basically my whole life. because of that i have pretty bad social anxiety. regardless of that, i was really excited to go to college and finally have freedom (apart from the covid safety measures.) my parents really didn't want me to go and threw a huge fit about it since they think i only want to go to sleep around and drink. every time i spoke to them while i was away they would try to get me to come back home so i stopped answering their calls as often which really pissed my mom off. i went from talking to my parents multiple times a day to around once a week though i would still speak with my siblings. they were literally obsessed with the idea of me leaving their home and becoming a "whore" which was odd since they'd never been like that before. they have this idea that i'm a "good girl gone wild". they used to let me have co-ed sleepovers and hang out with guys whenever i wanted. anyways, i was talking to my sister (15) and she told me about this bet that my family had made. i guess in retaliation for me not answering their calls, they were betting if i'd become a slut in college. they were speculating on when i'd lose my virginity, how many guys i'd sleep with, if i'd sleep with a girl, etc. she sent me a few screenshots and it seemed almost like a big passive aggressive joke. it wasn't just my parents in it; it had my siblings, cousins and aunts. while they were seemingly kidding, i felt extremely embarrassed. i didn't know how to bring it up because i didn't want my sister to get in trouble for showing me so it went on for a while. i finally texted my mom about it and asked her if she would please delete the chat or atleast add me to it so it wasn't just my family talking and clowning me behind my back. i didn't mention that it was my sister who had shown me it. my mother insisted that they weren't talking about me and that i was being a primadonna even though i literally have evidence. since it was obvious that they weren't going to delete it, i told my mom that i wasn't going to come home for christmas and i wasn't going to come visit her after her surgery (she's having surgery soon and asked me to come). partially out of anger and because of embarrassment. christmas is my mom's favorite holiday and she always goes all out for it. she wanted me to be her caretaker after the surgery since after christmas "her money will be tight" and she didn't want to pay for one. she says that i'm abandoning her and i think that she stabbed me in the back. tl;dr: family made a bet about how much of a slut i'd become in college so now i'm not going home for christmas and i'm not taking care of my mother. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a freshman in college and before college i was homeschooled basically my whole life. because of that i have pretty bad social anxiety. regardless of that, i was really excited to go to college and finally have freedom (apart from the covid safety measures.) my parents really didn't want me to go and threw a huge fit about it since they think i only want to go to sleep around and drink. every time i spoke to them while i was away they would try to get me to come back home so i stopped answering their calls as often which really pissed my mom off. i went from talking to my parents multiple times a day to around once a week though i would still speak with my siblings. they were literally obsessed with the idea of me leaving their home and becoming a "whore" which was odd since they'd never been like that before. they have this idea that i'm a "good girl gone wild". they used to let me have co-ed sleepovers and hang out with guys whenever i wanted. anyways, i was talking to my sister (15) and she told me about this bet that my family had made. i guess in retaliation for me not answering their calls, they were betting if i'd become a slut in college. they were speculating on when i'd lose my virginity, how many guys i'd sleep with, if i'd sleep with a girl, etc. she sent me a few screenshots and it seemed almost like a big passive aggressive joke. it wasn't just my parents in it; it had my siblings, cousins and aunts. while they were seemingly kidding, i felt extremely embarrassed. i didn't know how to bring it up because i didn't want my sister to get in trouble for showing me so it went on for a while. i finally texted my mom about it and asked her if she would please delete the chat or atleast add me to it so it wasn't just my family talking and clowning me behind my back. i didn't mention that it was my sister who had shown me it. my mother insisted that they weren't talking about me and that i was being a primadonna even though i literally have evidence. since it was obvious that they weren't going to delete it, i told my mom that i wasn't going to come home for christmas and i wasn't going to come visit her after her surgery (she's having surgery soon and asked me to come). partially out of anger and because of embarrassment. christmas is my mom's favorite holiday and she always goes all out for it. she wanted me to be her caretaker after the surgery since after christmas "her money will be tight" and she didn't want to pay for one. she says that i'm abandoning her and i think that she stabbed me in the back. tl;dr: family made a bet about how much of a slut i'd become in college so now i'm not going home for christmas and i'm not taking care of my mother. aita? [/INST] nta tell them you've got pregnant from an orgy and all the potential dads want to visit. </s>
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AITA for upgrading to a business class ticket while my wife sits in economy
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so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita?
| 11,739 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/si1sbn/aita_for_upgrading_to_a_business_class_ticket/
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2022-02-01 18:25:45
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yta. you literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. you are absolutely the asshole here and she is completely right to be upset.
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yta
if there’s only one upgrade my mrs would be offered it first. then she would knock it back bc she would prefer to be with me than comfortable alone.
which is sort of what marrying someone is meant to mean, don’t you think?
i wouldn’t cash in miles until there was enough to either:
- upgrade us both
- buy us both a vacation trip
jfc you don’t know how to be married at all.
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yta. business class comes with more space, better service, and a quieter atmosphere. you're sending a message to your wife that you deserve all that but she doesn't. why didn't you upgrade both seats so you could both have the better experience?
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yta.
either upgrade both seats or neither, upgrading just yours comes across as very selfish.
"just" a 12 hour flight isn't a sentence i hear that often, i've done 12 hour flights several times and they suck even when you have company you love. that flight is going to be even more awful for your wife if she's stuck next to a stranger.
whether you understand why or not your wife has made it clear how she feels and yta if you ignore that.
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yta
“in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife”
it matters to her, does that matter to you??
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how are people like you married? my wife’s friends have husbands like you and we just cringe at some of the stories. yta huge ah
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yes, yta. and quite possibly single very soon.
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yta.
"sorry, honey. my physical comfort is more important to me than your company."
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“she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered.”
lol, you’ll be sleeping the whole flight in business. i doubt she will be in economy. what a shitty way to kick off your vacation, such a short sighted move. yta op.
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yta.
why are you even married if you're prioritizing your comfort over spending time with your wife?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (m25) and my wife (f24) are going to the united states from japan for a month for vacation, and when we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but i had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and i did. well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12 hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so i didn’t think it mattered. i told her that and she got upset because she thinks i chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently. i said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if i can switch my seat back to economy. i said hell no because i’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up “ana the room”). in my eyes, it’s just a 12 hour flight and it doesn’t matter if i sit next to my wife or not. if it’s really bad though i still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed. aita? [/INST] yta. you literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. you are absolutely the asshole here and she is completely right to be upset. </s>
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AITA For giving my son's dog to his ex wife.
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to begin with i love my son with all my heart. but he blew up his marriage by cheating and has moved back home.
i f55 have three children. my oldest is my daughter 30, then my twins 25mf.
my oldest just got married to a wonderful man. my younger daughter is going to grad school overseas and that leaves my son. let's call him carlos.
he has always been a handful. he got married when he was 20. his ex wife had a three year old daughter whom i love and no matter what i am her grandmother. they had a child together, my other grandchild. he is two.
covid caused a lot of stress in his life and he works in a fly in fly out camp job. he is gone for two weeks at a time. then home for two weeks. he makes very good money and enjoys spending it. maybe a little bit too much.
carlos cheated on his wife with a coworker. i am not judging him. i am not perfect. but he chose to leave his wife and children. and move back home. it doesn't really make sense for him to rent an apartment or something for the 12 days a month he is home. so i allowed it. but he decided to be an ass, in my opinion, and bring his dog with him.
my grandbabies love this dog. but he is trying to punish his ex for telling him to leave.
it is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away.
i live in an apartment downtown. i am allowed a dog but if i were to have one it would be something sedate and non shedding like a maltese.
i swear i tried watching this dog. but my son is irresponsible. he doesn't walk him much. he doesn't brush the dog. he is just holding on to the dog to lever his way into his ex's life.
the last straw was this last time off work. he was away for two weeks, nd then came home for one day before flying off to the united states for a vacation with his new girlfriend.
so i called my dil, checked that she wanted the pup back, she almost cried with joy, packed up everything that belonged to the dog and took him over there. my grandchildren were ecstatic.
my son just came home for three days before he has to leave for work and asked where his dog is. i told him the truth.
he is calling me an asshole for giving away his pet. also because i said that if he tried to go get the dog and bring it back he was not welcome in my home.
aita?
| 19,595 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xo1f32/aita_for_giving_my_sons_dog_to_his_ex_wife/
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2022-09-25 22:42:24
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nta in my opinion. he’s only thinking of himself. not you, not the dog, and not his kids. also, calling you an asshole? you’re nice to let him back into your home at all after that.
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i'm not generally supportive of unilaterally giving away someone's pet, but i think it was entirely justified in this case. he brought it into your home without asking you and he's literally never home to take care of it. he was intentionally making you, the dog, and his own children upset, just to get back at his wife for not putting up with his cheating.
good job, grandma!
nta
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nta
your son is a a h.
honestly, it does make sense for him to pay rent for a few days per month. consequences for his horrible behavior are not a terrible thing.
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nta. it wasn't 'his' pet - he was never there, and didn't care for the dog. it was a means of punishment for his ex. you did the right thing - by the ex, and the dog.
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nta so wholesome to read about a mom who loves and cares for all her adult kids but doesn’t succumb to the distortion of rosy specs. you recognize that your son has acted like a colossal ah and you aren’t supporting or tolerating his bs.
from my perspective you didn’t give away *his* pet, you returned the family dog to a healthy environment for that breed instead of letting your son neglect him. you returned the **family** dog to your grandkids who were understandably ecstatic to get their good boy back.
what kind of father takes an adored doggo **from his own kids**? he’s already destroyed his family by cheating and leaving them. but he chooses to traumatize his kids even further?
bravo for refusing to participate in his punishment of his ex and his kids. bravo for telling him if he tries it again, he’s out. i believe you should also say if he moves out of your home and steals the dog again you will report him for theft yourself.
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nta, you did exactly the right thing for the dog, and your son well he needs to fucking grow up.
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nta. it's time he got some pushback. he has already basically abandoned the dog to you at least half the time, anyway, and even more so when he's on vacation.
he does not, at present, have the kind of lifestyle that makes it possible to house a dog.
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nta. your son, i'm sorry to say, is a royal asshole. you're doing him a huge favor to allow him to live rent free for 12 days per month.
even though you love him, you're allowed to judge him. and you should. taking his kids' dog away just to be mean? gigantic asshole move.
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nta and you rock grandma. reading your post gave a happy tears because you know and love your son but you are not blinded by his mistakes. i love how you still a good mil to the ex- wife
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nta!
you sent the dog home to a loving family who are not strangers. you made your grandchildren happy. sounds like your son is not a good dog owner anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to begin with i love my son with all my heart. but he blew up his marriage by cheating and has moved back home. i f55 have three children. my oldest is my daughter 30, then my twins 25mf. my oldest just got married to a wonderful man. my younger daughter is going to grad school overseas and that leaves my son. let's call him carlos. he has always been a handful. he got married when he was 20. his ex wife had a three year old daughter whom i love and no matter what i am her grandmother. they had a child together, my other grandchild. he is two. covid caused a lot of stress in his life and he works in a fly in fly out camp job. he is gone for two weeks at a time. then home for two weeks. he makes very good money and enjoys spending it. maybe a little bit too much. carlos cheated on his wife with a coworker. i am not judging him. i am not perfect. but he chose to leave his wife and children. and move back home. it doesn't really make sense for him to rent an apartment or something for the 12 days a month he is home. so i allowed it. but he decided to be an ass, in my opinion, and bring his dog with him. my grandbabies love this dog. but he is trying to punish his ex for telling him to leave. it is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away. i live in an apartment downtown. i am allowed a dog but if i were to have one it would be something sedate and non shedding like a maltese. i swear i tried watching this dog. but my son is irresponsible. he doesn't walk him much. he doesn't brush the dog. he is just holding on to the dog to lever his way into his ex's life. the last straw was this last time off work. he was away for two weeks, nd then came home for one day before flying off to the united states for a vacation with his new girlfriend. so i called my dil, checked that she wanted the pup back, she almost cried with joy, packed up everything that belonged to the dog and took him over there. my grandchildren were ecstatic. my son just came home for three days before he has to leave for work and asked where his dog is. i told him the truth. he is calling me an asshole for giving away his pet. also because i said that if he tried to go get the dog and bring it back he was not welcome in my home. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to begin with i love my son with all my heart. but he blew up his marriage by cheating and has moved back home. i f55 have three children. my oldest is my daughter 30, then my twins 25mf. my oldest just got married to a wonderful man. my younger daughter is going to grad school overseas and that leaves my son. let's call him carlos. he has always been a handful. he got married when he was 20. his ex wife had a three year old daughter whom i love and no matter what i am her grandmother. they had a child together, my other grandchild. he is two. covid caused a lot of stress in his life and he works in a fly in fly out camp job. he is gone for two weeks at a time. then home for two weeks. he makes very good money and enjoys spending it. maybe a little bit too much. carlos cheated on his wife with a coworker. i am not judging him. i am not perfect. but he chose to leave his wife and children. and move back home. it doesn't really make sense for him to rent an apartment or something for the 12 days a month he is home. so i allowed it. but he decided to be an ass, in my opinion, and bring his dog with him. my grandbabies love this dog. but he is trying to punish his ex for telling him to leave. it is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away. i live in an apartment downtown. i am allowed a dog but if i were to have one it would be something sedate and non shedding like a maltese. i swear i tried watching this dog. but my son is irresponsible. he doesn't walk him much. he doesn't brush the dog. he is just holding on to the dog to lever his way into his ex's life. the last straw was this last time off work. he was away for two weeks, nd then came home for one day before flying off to the united states for a vacation with his new girlfriend. so i called my dil, checked that she wanted the pup back, she almost cried with joy, packed up everything that belonged to the dog and took him over there. my grandchildren were ecstatic. my son just came home for three days before he has to leave for work and asked where his dog is. i told him the truth. he is calling me an asshole for giving away his pet. also because i said that if he tried to go get the dog and bring it back he was not welcome in my home. aita? [/INST] nta in my opinion. he’s only thinking of himself. not you, not the dog, and not his kids. also, calling you an asshole? you’re nice to let him back into your home at all after that. </s>
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AITA for kicking out my girlfriend
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so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old.
my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat.
i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside.
he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house.
i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out.
i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month.
she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month.
my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else.
aita?
| 35,596 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qkntpa/aita_for_kicking_out_my_girlfriend/
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2021-11-01 21:06:27
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nta. the cat was there first.
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keep her away from your cat!
she's going to hurt him, i guarantee it.
let him stay with someone until she's gone.
nta- this chick is psycho!
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nta. she figured out how to live separately from you until a few weeks ago, she can figure it out again.
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end of the month?
i'd have put her out that very day
nta
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nta. this was bad but expect things to get worse every day she is still living there.
get her out now before she can inflict(intentional or unintentional) permanent harm to your cat.
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>she would have to live on the streets
like she did to the cat, kick him out to live on the streets.
nta
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eh, nta, but still i think there's alot of red flags in this relationship for her to just dump your cat
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nta. if she thinks it’s acceptable to do that with something as important as a pet, then she thinks she can do that with any aspect of your life she doesn’t like.
the cat is important, but almost irrelevant in the scope of red flags she’s throwing out.
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#**this is coming from a massive cat lover - please comment *without* calling anyone any names. violating comments will be removed and earn a ban.**
#[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/).
please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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nta - indoor cats do not know how to fend for themselves outside. what she did was cruel - i wouldn’t want someone that thinks it’s okay to be cruel to animals near me. good riddance
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have a cat named raven who's 3 years old. my girlfriend of 2 years moved in with me a few weeks ago and it was clear she didn't like my cat. i didn't think it was really a big deal until one day i got home and he was just gone. he's not an outdoor cat and he never goes outside. he was gone for hours and i was worried sick until my buddy came to my house and returned him, saying he found him 2 blocks from my house. i asked my girlfriend how my cat, who has never tried to go out before ended up that far from my house and she admitted to kicking him out. i was furious, saying she had no right to kick him out and told her that since she thought she had the power to kick my cat out, i wanted her out of my house by the end of the month. she cried that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to live on the streets. i said i didn't care and told her to leave by the end of the month. my friends think i'm being too harsh, but my cat could have died because of her and i don't want her trying anything else. aita? [/INST] nta. the cat was there first. </s>
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AITA for refusing to replace a drink that my toddler knocked over because the girl was rude
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i was at baggage claim at the airport with my son, who’s 3. we were leaving and as we’re walking away, this girl yells “excuse me!” at me. i turn and she points to her starbucks drink which is spilled on the floor and says “your kid did that.”
i ask my son if he spilled it and he said he bumped it. the girl says “it was $5” and looks at me expectantly. i was pissed about how rude she was and the way she was just looking at me and expecting me to pay for her mocha frappa-whatever without even asking, so i just shrugged and walked away. my partner called me an asshole when i told her the story. aita?
| 13,625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b29sim/aita_for_refusing_to_replace_a_drink_that_my/
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2019-03-17 20:46:26
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yta. replace things your kid destroyed even if you don't like the person. you don't have to like them to do the right thing.
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yta. she was probably pissed because not only did your kid spill her drink and then walk away, but you didn’t even notice what your 3 year old was doing.
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yta. you should have given her the money to replace the drink.
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yta. wow you didn’t even apologize for your kid’s mistake. obviously your kid didn’t mean to do it, but it happened. even if you didn’t have cash on it, you still should have apologized. and the other person had every right to be annoyed! their drink spilled bc of your kid!
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yta. she was “being rude” because your kid spilled her drink. you were being rude because...you didn’t want to take responsibility for your kid spilling her drink??
if you don’t have cash just venmo her or something. it’s 2019 there’s honestly no excuse for that anymore.
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yta . don't be surprised if your story ends up on r/entitledparents
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yta "mocha frappa whatever" sounds really condescending. just because you have a kid and are used to the kid stuff like getting your drink knocked over doesn't mean that everyone else has to accept that as their reality. you didn't even try to understand her position and it really just seems like you're one of those people who feels like others existing are an inconvenience to you
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yta your child is your responsibility both morally and, to some degree, legally (insofar as parents can be held vicariously liable for the tortious conduct of their children if they are negligent in the supervision of those children). your child knocked over her drink, and she informed you how much it was. her being mildly impertinent in asking for restitution does not excuse you from paying for something that is ultimately your responsibility. you should have paid for her drink even if she was *actually* rude to you (and saying "excuse me!" and telling you the price of the damaged object is not all that rude, for the record).
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yta and be thankful your child didn’t get hurt with hot liquids. you should keep a better eye on him/her, especially at a baggage claim where they can so easily get hurt/lost.
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yta and you already know it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was at baggage claim at the airport with my son, who’s 3. we were leaving and as we’re walking away, this girl yells “excuse me!” at me. i turn and she points to her starbucks drink which is spilled on the floor and says “your kid did that.” i ask my son if he spilled it and he said he bumped it. the girl says “it was $5” and looks at me expectantly. i was pissed about how rude she was and the way she was just looking at me and expecting me to pay for her mocha frappa-whatever without even asking, so i just shrugged and walked away. my partner called me an asshole when i told her the story. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was at baggage claim at the airport with my son, who’s 3. we were leaving and as we’re walking away, this girl yells “excuse me!” at me. i turn and she points to her starbucks drink which is spilled on the floor and says “your kid did that.” i ask my son if he spilled it and he said he bumped it. the girl says “it was $5” and looks at me expectantly. i was pissed about how rude she was and the way she was just looking at me and expecting me to pay for her mocha frappa-whatever without even asking, so i just shrugged and walked away. my partner called me an asshole when i told her the story. aita? [/INST] yta. replace things your kid destroyed even if you don't like the person. you don't have to like them to do the right thing. </s>
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AITA for correcting every single sentence spoken by my boyfriend’s aunt in front of everyone?
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i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out!
i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages.
i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”)
she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english).
so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night.
turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here?
| 23,338 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dv4je8/aita_for_correcting_every_single_sentence_spoken/
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2019-11-12 03:59:05
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nta and if things work out with the boyfriend, assuming he learns where his loyalties should lie, you will be getting a great mother in law.
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this sub needs a new judgement - ja justified asshole.
in a lot of cases you can be an a-hole but still not be the bad guy. sometimes people need to be put in their place and it can’t be done nicely.
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sometimes i feel like on this sub the answer is yes, you were being a jerk but it was justified? not an "everyone sucks" kind of way, but in a "in this situation the other person was a dick and so you did something that may have been otherwise assholish to make a point."
anyways for lack of a better way to state that nta - sure your method of getting her to knock it off was a little dickish, but it was well deserved.
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nta - \*raises fist\*
"she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language"
maybe because the british demanded they murder their own countrymen or be expelled from the country. maybe embracing both languages is part of a sense of class solidarity this crabby woman will never understand. who friggin knows? but she sucks.
i've lived in ontario for too many years to remember a smart-mouthed reply, but my moncton-born heart supports the living hell out of you.
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nta shouldn't it be la tarte est delicieuse? ( my french is rusty)
she is petty and shady either way
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nta she started it and you simply showed her how wrong she was.
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nta. she was unnecessary rude, and you called her on her ignorance. good for you.
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esh but sometimes people deserve it. sounds like this aunt deserved it. remember you can be right and still be an asshole.
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[deleted]
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eh. nta. fuck her. you're from the land where she claims she's a fucking master and you spoke your motherland's tongue. and she dared to talk shit about your people. fuck her. fuck esh. you don't do that shit. that's like me going at a latinx person for having a thicker salvadorian accent but i can't speak spanish fluently worth of shit. it's disrespectful and god damn it. i'm happy you stoop down to her level. yeah you were being bitchy. bitchy happens when you act ugly to a person. huh. imagine that.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out! i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages. i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”) she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english). so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night. turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title looks pretty bad but hear me out! i’m a native french speaker from canada, but i have a very pronounced “acadian/chiac” accent. for those who don’t know, it’s pretty much a mix of french and english with some local dialect thrown in there. pretty common in the maritimes, where i still live. i’m perfectly bilingual in both languages. i started dating my boyfriend, who only speaks english, about 4 years ago and spend a lot of time with his family, they’ve all been really great, except for one of his aunts. she says she was a french teacher in anglophone schools for over 40 years up until a year ago and even studied in france, and she insists on only talking to me in french. i agreed at first since i didn’t want to be rude to his family but it’s getting super weird. i don’t understand how she was able to teach kids english or how she comes up with most of her sentence, like i have to guess 90% of whatever she says and hope i’m right because it makes absolutely no sense. (example: she said “a la citrouille la tarte va bien dans ma bouche” which roughly translates to “to the pumpkin a pie goes well in my mouth” when she meant “this pumpkin pie tastes delicious”) she constantly criticizes my “accent”. and tries to correct my pronunciation of certain words, and tells me i need to “pick a language” when i accidentally say something in chiac (speaking proper “français standard” is actually getting harder for me since i’ve been only studying/working in english). so last night during dinner she started going on about how acadians were uneducated and made no effort to properly learn a language, which is total bs, and obviously weirdly directed at me. for the rest of the night i stopped guessing what she was trying to say to me in french, acting like i didn’t understand anything, and started correcting her as well - which was pretty much every single sentence she said. i wasn’t trying to be rude or aggressive about it but after a while she gave up on the french and ignored me for the rest of the night. turns out she was super pissed and told everyone i was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. looking back i think i might’ve taken it too far by not stopping after 2-3 sentences and i feel bad. my boyfriend said i was being bitchy while his mom said she probably deserved it. aita here? [/INST] nta and if things work out with the boyfriend, assuming he learns where his loyalties should lie, you will be getting a great mother in law. </s>
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AITA for being annoyed because my girlfriend pees so much?
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my girlfriend and i have been together for almost a year and living together for about two months. honestly, i love her dearly and love the time we spend together, but the amount of times she has to inconvenience us by going to the bathroom has gotten extremely annoying. i feel bad for being annoyed by this, but hear me out.
we can’t go on drive any longer than 2 hours without her needing to stop. when we’re out shopping, at least once we always have to stop what we’re doing to find a bathroom, which can sometimes take up a lot of time. at dinner, i always have to wait after we pay so she can go. at night, she’ll get up while i’m sleeping etc etc. i know she can’t help it, and she’s only 20 and is perfectly healthy, but it’s seriously gotten on my nerves a ton.
i always have to pause a movie we’re watching or something she’ll even pause foreplay so she can go. i don’t know if she actually has to use the bathroom or is just doing it to annoy me at this point.
am i actually the asshole for being annoyed by always being inconvenienced like this? i don’t want to mention it to her that it’s annoying me if i am the asshole here.
| 11,086 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aex00x/aita_for_being_annoyed_because_my_girlfriend_pees/
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2019-01-11 16:24:46
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yta. what would you like her to do??
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yta.
yes, it inconveniences your life but really, how bad is it? a break every 2 hours while driving isn't that bad of a thing. are you always in such a hurry to leave a restaurant that waiting for 5 minutes is a problem? are your shopping trips so busy that a 5 minute break is disruptive?
>i don’t know if she actually has to use the bathroom or is just doing it to annoy me at this point.
what do you think is more likely? she just has a system that makes her have to go often (whole bunch of reasons why this might be the case), or this is an elaborate plan to annoy her live-in-boyfriend?
&#x200b;
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shp, right?
you can't really be trying to blame her for the size of her bladder, can you?
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yta. and just fyi, going once every couple hours while driving is not ridiculous. the only possibilities of this are 4 things. 1. she has a medical issue causing this. 2. she takes a medication causing this. 3. she is extremely well hydrated. 4. it’s just how her bladder is.
in any case, there’s nothing either of you can do! what would you do if she had a more inconvenient issue, like diabetes, or celiac? if this is a real problem for you then you are a very impatient person, and i’m sure she finds that annoying too.
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yta.
man, if this is the shit that bugs you, you are so lucky.
maybe she's making sure she looks pretty. maybe she has to pee. jesus, are you a surgeon who makes $200 an hour and has to rush back to operate on a sick kid?
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yta. just yes, you are.
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yta!
small bladders of the world unite!!!
i hope she starts timing your bathroom habits and throwing them back in your face. ugh.
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yta. when you gotta go you gotta go. and if she is well hydrated, thats perfectly normal. heck, i have to go every 2 or 3 hours and i almost always have water in hand
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yta.
what *exactly* are the other options? would you prefer she hold it longer? or are you trying to assume she enjoys public bathrooms so much she makes a constant excuse to visit them?
either way, you need to put on your big boy pants and deal. shes gotta pee. maybe she drinks a ton of water (good for her!), or maybe she's got a legitimate medical problem which causes this, but due to your constant annoyance, she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with you. i have an extra ureter that connects to my bladder that leads to nowhere. it refluxes at random times and sends an unexpected amount of urine directly to my bladder on a moments notice. it's not fun, but it means i need to find a bathroom immediately.
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yta. jeez op, how irritable are you?
if this is how much you get annoyed with trivial things like her peeing too often, how on earth are you deal with the major problems?
for the sake of this relation and others in the future, you really need to develop some patience. her bladder doesn’t function as per your timetable.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i have been together for almost a year and living together for about two months. honestly, i love her dearly and love the time we spend together, but the amount of times she has to inconvenience us by going to the bathroom has gotten extremely annoying. i feel bad for being annoyed by this, but hear me out. we can’t go on drive any longer than 2 hours without her needing to stop. when we’re out shopping, at least once we always have to stop what we’re doing to find a bathroom, which can sometimes take up a lot of time. at dinner, i always have to wait after we pay so she can go. at night, she’ll get up while i’m sleeping etc etc. i know she can’t help it, and she’s only 20 and is perfectly healthy, but it’s seriously gotten on my nerves a ton. i always have to pause a movie we’re watching or something she’ll even pause foreplay so she can go. i don’t know if she actually has to use the bathroom or is just doing it to annoy me at this point. am i actually the asshole for being annoyed by always being inconvenienced like this? i don’t want to mention it to her that it’s annoying me if i am the asshole here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i have been together for almost a year and living together for about two months. honestly, i love her dearly and love the time we spend together, but the amount of times she has to inconvenience us by going to the bathroom has gotten extremely annoying. i feel bad for being annoyed by this, but hear me out. we can’t go on drive any longer than 2 hours without her needing to stop. when we’re out shopping, at least once we always have to stop what we’re doing to find a bathroom, which can sometimes take up a lot of time. at dinner, i always have to wait after we pay so she can go. at night, she’ll get up while i’m sleeping etc etc. i know she can’t help it, and she’s only 20 and is perfectly healthy, but it’s seriously gotten on my nerves a ton. i always have to pause a movie we’re watching or something she’ll even pause foreplay so she can go. i don’t know if she actually has to use the bathroom or is just doing it to annoy me at this point. am i actually the asshole for being annoyed by always being inconvenienced like this? i don’t want to mention it to her that it’s annoying me if i am the asshole here. [/INST] yta. what would you like her to do?? </s>
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AITA for not waking my boyfriend which made him late to his first day at a new job?
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this is a throwaway account for purposes of privacy.
i(28f) have lived with my bf(30m) for 3 years now. when i first stayed the night and he overslept i woke him up. he woke up in a bad mood and after a big fight made it absolutely clear that i should not wake him up even if i knew he would be late to meeting the pope (his words)
after i calmed down i wrote a "contract" that said i would never wake him up under any circumstance short of an emergency as long as he never blames me for oversleeping. he laughed and signed it. i kept it with my important documents. (daughter of two lawyers, get everything in writing and don't sign anything unless you and your lawyer read it are rules i live by)
fast forward to yesterday, he just started a new job, celebrated the night before playing with some guys online. he had to wake up by 7am.
i woke up at 5am like usual, did all my stuff, by the time it was 7am he didn't wake up. i left the house at 8.15am and he was still asleep.
when i got back he was there and he was very angry, he started shouting and blamed me for being late, said i should have woken him when i noticed he overslept. all i did was stay silent untill he stopped shouting then showed him the paper he signed. and then i said i never woke you up and i never will, you are an adult and you can set an alarm like the rest of us. also you being late is a you problem and i have no part in it at all.
now he says that i am an ah and i should know that the old rules do not apply since he no longer works for his friend that was lax with time. i still think i did nothing wrong.
so aita?
| 19,633 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t2aahb/aita_for_not_waking_my_boyfriend_which_made_him/
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2022-02-26 23:37:03
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nta it also sounds like you're in a bad relationship
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nta. this is the second post i’ve commented on today regarding grown ass man being responsible for getting their asses out of bed.
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nta
he is an adult and if the job really mattered to him then he would make sure he was on time.
he's an ah for thinking you're his mom and making sure he wakes up on time.
✌🏽
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nta. you're his girlfriend, not his mother.
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nta, it’s not your problem if he can’t wake up on time.
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nta
he never renegotiated voiding the agreement.
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nta. he previously made it clear he never wants to be woken up by you. he never asked you to wake him up in case he overslept. his own fault.
however this does not serm like a healthy relationship you have there. you might want to reevaluate if you really want to be with someone who treats you this way
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esh he should have set an alarm for himself and he shouldn't have yelled at you like that. now, if i'm reading this right, you had him sign the form over three years ago. there's a decent chance he forgot about it. shit, it sounds like he might not have realized how serious you were about the form. you could have been nice and woken him up instead of being anal about an okd form that isn't legally binding in the first place. are you sheldon cooper?
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esh
you guys need to break up. you're awful people.
1) a contract to not wake him up? you're 28... "and i never will." childish on a level i can't begin to understand.
2) why doesn't he have an alarm? he's 30 and can't figure out he needs to set his alarm for a very important first day?
3) he blamed you for being late. it's his fault, but i would be mad if my husband saw i was oversleeping and didn't bother to wake me.
4) it was 8:15 and you clearly knew he was going to be late--yet, chose not to do anything
5) you think you did nothing wrong. most people would feel some sort of guilt. "should i have broken (that childish and insane) contract?" nope. let him lose his job, what does it matter to you?
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esh. you both sound immature and unsupportive of each other. he is blaming you for him being unable to wake up. you are gloating about him being late. it sounds like so much pettiness
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a throwaway account for purposes of privacy. i(28f) have lived with my bf(30m) for 3 years now. when i first stayed the night and he overslept i woke him up. he woke up in a bad mood and after a big fight made it absolutely clear that i should not wake him up even if i knew he would be late to meeting the pope (his words) after i calmed down i wrote a "contract" that said i would never wake him up under any circumstance short of an emergency as long as he never blames me for oversleeping. he laughed and signed it. i kept it with my important documents. (daughter of two lawyers, get everything in writing and don't sign anything unless you and your lawyer read it are rules i live by) fast forward to yesterday, he just started a new job, celebrated the night before playing with some guys online. he had to wake up by 7am. i woke up at 5am like usual, did all my stuff, by the time it was 7am he didn't wake up. i left the house at 8.15am and he was still asleep. when i got back he was there and he was very angry, he started shouting and blamed me for being late, said i should have woken him when i noticed he overslept. all i did was stay silent untill he stopped shouting then showed him the paper he signed. and then i said i never woke you up and i never will, you are an adult and you can set an alarm like the rest of us. also you being late is a you problem and i have no part in it at all. now he says that i am an ah and i should know that the old rules do not apply since he no longer works for his friend that was lax with time. i still think i did nothing wrong. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a throwaway account for purposes of privacy. i(28f) have lived with my bf(30m) for 3 years now. when i first stayed the night and he overslept i woke him up. he woke up in a bad mood and after a big fight made it absolutely clear that i should not wake him up even if i knew he would be late to meeting the pope (his words) after i calmed down i wrote a "contract" that said i would never wake him up under any circumstance short of an emergency as long as he never blames me for oversleeping. he laughed and signed it. i kept it with my important documents. (daughter of two lawyers, get everything in writing and don't sign anything unless you and your lawyer read it are rules i live by) fast forward to yesterday, he just started a new job, celebrated the night before playing with some guys online. he had to wake up by 7am. i woke up at 5am like usual, did all my stuff, by the time it was 7am he didn't wake up. i left the house at 8.15am and he was still asleep. when i got back he was there and he was very angry, he started shouting and blamed me for being late, said i should have woken him when i noticed he overslept. all i did was stay silent untill he stopped shouting then showed him the paper he signed. and then i said i never woke you up and i never will, you are an adult and you can set an alarm like the rest of us. also you being late is a you problem and i have no part in it at all. now he says that i am an ah and i should know that the old rules do not apply since he no longer works for his friend that was lax with time. i still think i did nothing wrong. so aita? [/INST] nta it also sounds like you're in a bad relationship </s>
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AITA for asking my 15 y/o niece to wear a more conservative bathing suit?
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don’t want to make this too long, but need to provide a bit of context. my niece just finished her school year and is staying with my husband and i for much of the summer. it’s nice because own daughter is 13 and they’re very close. more importantly it gives my niece the chance to spend time with my parents (her grandparents) who are elderly.
i don’t have a pool so when the girls want to swim, we go to my parents’. they live in a condo complex with a communal pool. i would say that the majority of the people in this complex are older/retired. and we live in a fairly reserved community overall.
i have noticed that my niece has been getting a lot of..looks..from people when she wears her swim suits. it’s hard to describe the bottoms but most of her butt shows in them (i’m not sure if quite counts as a thong, but it sort of looks like that to me). and the bikini tops don’t leave much to the imagination. i don’t think people are looking at her in a pervy way. more like they’re a bit shocked. my mom hasn’t said much but every time my niece would get out of the pool, she’d practically tackle her with towels and this mesh cover up thing, which was almost comical.
anyway, i pulled my niece aside the other day and asked if she had any suits that showed a little...less. she said the suits she packed were all the same style, so i offered to go shopping and buy her something. i tried to explain my reasoning and approach the issue gently. but i think i offended her nonetheless.
i was feeling a bit bad so i asked my husband if i went about this the wrong way. the whole topic seemed to make him uncomfortable though so i just dropped it. anyway, it would be nice to get some neutral perspectives over whether i was wrong here.
| 4,144 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bynesw/aita_for_asking_my_15_yo_niece_to_wear_a_more/
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2019-06-09 18:34:56
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yta - stop shaming girls for bathing suits ffs. if people are staring at a 15 year old thats *their* problem not hers.
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nah.
i think you did ok by offering to take her shopping after explaining why (presumably you didn't body shame her, but just talked about the conservative location). now, it's up to her to make a decision. if she chooses to keep wearing the same ones, then you should support that.
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[deleted]
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nta i've always tried to dress more conservatively around my grandparents or adults. they lived in a different time with dress codes and etiquette. i think it's very respectul to dress accordingly to your surroundings (one would not wear a revealing mini dress to a business conference for instance). i think taking her aside and talking to her was very classy. not saying that those types of bathing suits are not allowed, just probably not appropriate around a retirement community especially for a 15 year old.
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nah. you’re her caretaker for the summer and she’s under age so you were not stepping out of line by privately discussing it with her and offering to buy her other swimsuits. that being said, i don’t think you should force the issue. a follow up conversation might be beneficial to let her know where you’re coming from. let her know that you do not want to shame her and that it is her body. although you mentioned that you don’t think the stares she’s getting are sexual, it could still be an opportunity to discuss the fact that dressing a certain way does not mean it is okay for people to judge or mistreat her. however, that does not mean she shouldn’t be aware of the attention it’s getting. it’s a tough subject because you don’t want to body shame or teach her that she has to cover up, but at the same time, young girls just don’t seem to realize the creepers this kind of thing tends to attract.
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the issue isn't the swimsuit that your niece is wearing. the issue is the context in which she's wearing it. she stands out her grandmother's community pool. she wouldn't stand out at the beach.
>my mom hasn’t said much but every time my niece would get out of the pool, she’d practically tackle her with towels and this mesh cover up thing, which was almost comical.
your mom hasn't said anything about your niece's bathing suits. however, her actions speak louder than words. she's obviously uncomfortable with what her grandchild is wearing at her community pool.
it's time to have a quiet conversation with your mother. she could have a quiet conversation with your niece.
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nta. i have 2 daughters and there is nothing wrong or shameful about asking them to tone it down. my oldest just grew about a foot (all in the legs) so her shorts are ridiculously short (until we go summer shopping). my youngest spent the school year developing and last year's bathing suit is so skimpy looking now i almost fainted. you'd only be ta if you forced her to wear a giant t-shirt or something like that, but an age appropriate bathing suit is a great idea. no 15 year old needs their ass hanging out of anything.
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nah. i don't think it it is wrong of you to ask, and you offering to buy one is a good solution. she is also not the asshole for wearing what she is comfortable with, or for being offended because you are trying to get her to change for the comfort of other people.
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nah. i think i need a detailed explanation of what body shaming is and the logic behind it - because all these yta’s are baffling to me.
imo the op dealt with this reasonably while trying to not make the girl feel bad.
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nah. not wanting people to stare at your niece is as much about protecting her as it is about not making others uncomfortable. it isn't body shaming. fifteen isn't a child, it's a teenager. to think a 15-year old girl isn't aware that she's being looked at, for whatever reason, is naive. teenage girls want to look good, and she probably got offended because you made her feel like more of a child than she feels she is. 13 to 18 is a tough time for kids and the adults responsible for them.
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YTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| 0.184453 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: don’t want to make this too long, but need to provide a bit of context. my niece just finished her school year and is staying with my husband and i for much of the summer. it’s nice because own daughter is 13 and they’re very close. more importantly it gives my niece the chance to spend time with my parents (her grandparents) who are elderly. i don’t have a pool so when the girls want to swim, we go to my parents’. they live in a condo complex with a communal pool. i would say that the majority of the people in this complex are older/retired. and we live in a fairly reserved community overall. i have noticed that my niece has been getting a lot of..looks..from people when she wears her swim suits. it’s hard to describe the bottoms but most of her butt shows in them (i’m not sure if quite counts as a thong, but it sort of looks like that to me). and the bikini tops don’t leave much to the imagination. i don’t think people are looking at her in a pervy way. more like they’re a bit shocked. my mom hasn’t said much but every time my niece would get out of the pool, she’d practically tackle her with towels and this mesh cover up thing, which was almost comical. anyway, i pulled my niece aside the other day and asked if she had any suits that showed a little...less. she said the suits she packed were all the same style, so i offered to go shopping and buy her something. i tried to explain my reasoning and approach the issue gently. but i think i offended her nonetheless. i was feeling a bit bad so i asked my husband if i went about this the wrong way. the whole topic seemed to make him uncomfortable though so i just dropped it. anyway, it would be nice to get some neutral perspectives over whether i was wrong here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
don’t want to make this too long, but need to provide a bit of context. my niece just finished her school year and is staying with my husband and i for much of the summer. it’s nice because own daughter is 13 and they’re very close. more importantly it gives my niece the chance to spend time with my parents (her grandparents) who are elderly. i don’t have a pool so when the girls want to swim, we go to my parents’. they live in a condo complex with a communal pool. i would say that the majority of the people in this complex are older/retired. and we live in a fairly reserved community overall. i have noticed that my niece has been getting a lot of..looks..from people when she wears her swim suits. it’s hard to describe the bottoms but most of her butt shows in them (i’m not sure if quite counts as a thong, but it sort of looks like that to me). and the bikini tops don’t leave much to the imagination. i don’t think people are looking at her in a pervy way. more like they’re a bit shocked. my mom hasn’t said much but every time my niece would get out of the pool, she’d practically tackle her with towels and this mesh cover up thing, which was almost comical. anyway, i pulled my niece aside the other day and asked if she had any suits that showed a little...less. she said the suits she packed were all the same style, so i offered to go shopping and buy her something. i tried to explain my reasoning and approach the issue gently. but i think i offended her nonetheless. i was feeling a bit bad so i asked my husband if i went about this the wrong way. the whole topic seemed to make him uncomfortable though so i just dropped it. anyway, it would be nice to get some neutral perspectives over whether i was wrong here. [/INST] yta - stop shaming girls for bathing suits ffs. if people are staring at a 15 year old thats *their* problem not hers. </s>
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AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?
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my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits.
my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her.
problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself.
yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human.
i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.
| 23,542 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3f6ka/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_to_pay_me_the_1000/
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2022-04-14 11:20:46
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nta
he stole from you to buy a luxury.
immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you.
also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this...
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i’d be suspicious about the $200+ for a ‘massage’ lol
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does anyone else think he might be going for a happy ending rather than the massage or have i been reading aita comment sections too long?
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have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails? because that is alot of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly? does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage?
i dunno.. something is off here. i’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more.
you btw, are very much nta
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nta...cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only. maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs? like wtf. a baby is going to drain finances even more.
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nta.
start getting your ducks in a row. talk to an attorney. split your finances. cancel that credit card and hide any others you may have.
this is not going to get better, op. i "need" a massage pretty much all the time given my back issues. the last one i had was 5 years ago in a resort in lanzarote, because it came with our reservations at the resort. why? because i have other shit that needs paying for (and i'm not the breadwinner), like bills, kid stuff, food (strange thing, everyone in my house likes to eat!)
like i said, this isn't going to get better. you can't reason with that level of entitlement. also, you might report those charges as fraudulent and set the credit card company on your husband. he took your card without your knowledge and now you're in a pretty dire financial situation.
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nta. i do think this is what they call foreshadowing.
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nta
>stop playing victim
is a weird thing to yell at someone you've just been caught stealing from
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nta
i’d check all my credit cards and i’d run a credit report. it’s possible he may have opened new cc in your name too.
i’d also lock my cards.
he’s really selfish. i worry for you and your baby!
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nta
you realize $250 is exorbitant? are you not suspicious that these are “happy ending” massages?
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (33) and i (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we've lost our home and one of our incomes (his). we moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our "costly" habits. my husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. a single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that'd be nearly 1000 a month!. i offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he's used to her. problem is i'm the only income earner and i'm struggling to make ends meet. i'm also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. i told him to cut his sessions but he refused. i told him i won't be paying for them anymore and he said he'd get the money himself. yesterday i checked and saw that he's been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. i found that out when i went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said i had no money. i had to return everything then went home and went off on him. i told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn't tell me cause he knew i'd have an issue with it. i demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, i yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he's going to be a parent too and it's stressful for him and i keep dismissing his own needs as a human. i went upstairs and he went out. he started giving me silent but i kept demanding the money back. he said i shouldn't expect it back since we're married then my money is technically his and i should stop using his unemployement against him. [/INST] nta he stole from you to buy a luxury. immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. don't give him any money at all. and seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. also, is there any chance that this "spa" treatment actually involves him paying for sex? because there's something that feels off about all this... </s>
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AITA for asking an artist to remove their signature from the art I commissioned?
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throwaway as i wish to remain anonymous from the artist (they are on reddit)
i found an artist i really enjoy and commissioned them recently. i want to preface this with the fact that everything went extremely smoothly so far. i am very happy with the outcome and the art is exactly what i pictured. only one issue though. they left their signature on it. to be fair, it is small, off to the corner, not very noticeable. i just feel that it is unprofessional, as i commissioned them the artwork does not belong to them anymore. i asked if they will remove it for me and they seemed kinda annoyed and asked me if i read their tos (admittedly, i skimmed), where it apparently states that they will not remove their signature. i told them what i said above, which is that i own the art now. they then told me i somehow don’t and then quoted me a huge markup price for “commercial rights” and they only remove their signature for that purpose. i said i don’t need commercial rights and tried to compromise by offering to send them $5 to remove it (which is utter bs in the first place, i shouldn’t have to pay extra for this). they refused and i had essentially told the artist that if they don’t remove it then i will simply photoshop it out myself (considering that it’s mine, i can do what i please with it). they then informed me that i will be blacklisted from commissioning them if i do so. spoiler alert, i did it and now i am not to mention blocked from then as well.
aita?
| 9,050 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/umtvsc/aita_for_asking_an_artist_to_remove_their/
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2022-05-10 21:56:09
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yta. do you want the author's name removed from a book when you buy it?
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yta
a commission does not mean it's scrubbed of origin or attribution. artwork that is sold still retains attribution to the artist.
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yta. big time.
i’d write more, but i bet op wouldn’t read it! 😆
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yta. some artists will remove their sig from commissioned work, but it was in the tos they would not, and you signed anyway.
>then quoted me a huge markup price for “commercial rights”
this is standard. commissioning art does not mean you automatically own the right to use it commercially.
you have a lot to learn about commissioned art and how to respect artists.
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yta
artists do this for copyright reasons and you didn't read the terms and conditions. a measly $5 for commercial rights? lmao not to be mean but i would have blocked you.
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[removed]
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you skimmed the tos. it states the artist won't remove the signature. you don't like it and do it anyway and get blacklisted.
action ... consequence.
yta.
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yta
you signed a contract you didn't read, got mad you got what you paid for, but didn't *ask* for what you wanted, denied the counter offer, then violated the contract, grounds for a civil lawsuit.
you stole their work.
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yta, obviously, jesus harold christ. you don't own the rights to the work - it doesn't now become your work. you have zero right to remove their signature, or to edit the work in any way. how petty and entitled do you have to be to remove an artist's signature from something they made?! i'd love to say you have to be trolling, but i've actually met commissioners like you, so despite my horror i'd say you're actually genuine.
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yta, there's a tos for a reason. and you signed it. they're running a business. you dont get to erase attribution just because you feel like it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway as i wish to remain anonymous from the artist (they are on reddit) i found an artist i really enjoy and commissioned them recently. i want to preface this with the fact that everything went extremely smoothly so far. i am very happy with the outcome and the art is exactly what i pictured. only one issue though. they left their signature on it. to be fair, it is small, off to the corner, not very noticeable. i just feel that it is unprofessional, as i commissioned them the artwork does not belong to them anymore. i asked if they will remove it for me and they seemed kinda annoyed and asked me if i read their tos (admittedly, i skimmed), where it apparently states that they will not remove their signature. i told them what i said above, which is that i own the art now. they then told me i somehow don’t and then quoted me a huge markup price for “commercial rights” and they only remove their signature for that purpose. i said i don’t need commercial rights and tried to compromise by offering to send them $5 to remove it (which is utter bs in the first place, i shouldn’t have to pay extra for this). they refused and i had essentially told the artist that if they don’t remove it then i will simply photoshop it out myself (considering that it’s mine, i can do what i please with it). they then informed me that i will be blacklisted from commissioning them if i do so. spoiler alert, i did it and now i am not to mention blocked from then as well. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway as i wish to remain anonymous from the artist (they are on reddit) i found an artist i really enjoy and commissioned them recently. i want to preface this with the fact that everything went extremely smoothly so far. i am very happy with the outcome and the art is exactly what i pictured. only one issue though. they left their signature on it. to be fair, it is small, off to the corner, not very noticeable. i just feel that it is unprofessional, as i commissioned them the artwork does not belong to them anymore. i asked if they will remove it for me and they seemed kinda annoyed and asked me if i read their tos (admittedly, i skimmed), where it apparently states that they will not remove their signature. i told them what i said above, which is that i own the art now. they then told me i somehow don’t and then quoted me a huge markup price for “commercial rights” and they only remove their signature for that purpose. i said i don’t need commercial rights and tried to compromise by offering to send them $5 to remove it (which is utter bs in the first place, i shouldn’t have to pay extra for this). they refused and i had essentially told the artist that if they don’t remove it then i will simply photoshop it out myself (considering that it’s mine, i can do what i please with it). they then informed me that i will be blacklisted from commissioning them if i do so. spoiler alert, i did it and now i am not to mention blocked from then as well. aita? [/INST] yta. do you want the author's name removed from a book when you buy it? </s>
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AITA for yelling at my dad(51M) and calling him a monster for what he gave my sister(30F) as a Christmas ''gift''?
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my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992.
amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship.
enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4.
my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that.
a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight.
in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad.
my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her.
so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it.
it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number.
dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''.
amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that.
my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing.
my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas.
aita here?
| 23,594 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kn9wvu/aita_for_yelling_at_my_dad51m_and_calling_him_a/
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2020-12-30 20:19:50
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nta
it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole:
1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her
2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her
3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it
4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father.
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omg. women are not baby-making machines. whatever their views on abortion, your father had no right to rub her decision in her face. he clearly has no respect for women, something that your brothers seem to have inherited. good on you for standing up for your sister. you're nta. you're a wonderful sister and a bad ass.
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nta - daaamn what your dad did is messed up. i get that abortion might be a sore topic for some people but c'mon, that was just a plain and simple dick move to do. he deliberately preyed amy's fears and insecurities and is subjecting her to mental abuse.
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so if i’m reading this correctly, your dad gave amy the info not because of her curiosity about her mom, but to twist the knife of her getting an abortion by basically saying she’s as “heartless” as her own mother?
if so, that’s pretty low. your dad and his whole family seem to have an unhealthy fixation on women producing babies - or maybe against abortion? why was it so important to them that amy’s mom go through with the pregnancy? why not just wait until your dad was married?
anyway, your dad is a controlling, heartless creep... mom also sucks for staying silent, and brothers for laughing. you and amy of course are nta - i hope she’s able to heal from this and maybe get something positive out of connecting with her bio-mom. i hope your dad stubs his toe every time he enters or leaves a room for the rest of his life.
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omg, i'm so mad on you and amy's behalf.
>my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas
you didnt!!! your dad made a scene and ruined christmas!!!
nta in the slightest, wtf.
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nta.
your dad and mark are the assholes here.
mark should never tell your dad about her pregnancy and used his history with amy's mom to try to convince her to keep the baby.
your dad because he is acting out, but honestly, while he is totally being an ass i see a little bit of his side too, he gave a lot for amy's mom to keep amy, and 30 years later when amy is presented with a ''similar'' scenario she did exactly what her bio-mom wanted in the first place, while he was wrong to push her to keep the pregnancy he probably sympathizes with mark (he was in the same spot as him 30 years ago).
but to give her that much information on her lap as a punishment is too far, one of the worst things you can do to someone who had a parent who was abusive or was not present in her life is comparing someone to that parent, by saying ''that amy's bio-mom and she are so similar'' is just saying ''you are just like your mother'', he did that to hurt her he was indeed a monster, amy must be a mess hearing that from her own dad.
poor amy.
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jesus nta
spend nye with your sister and seriously don’t even try to reach out to your parents. your mom needs apologize for not standing up for your sister, your brothers need to get their heads out of their ass and your dad... i mean your dad needs to have his head looked at. i straight wouldn’t be in the same room as him until he apologized to your sister.
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nta. you’re so, so, so nta. your dad and sister’s ex-fiancé are being emotionally abusive and cruel to your sister.
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nta. literally everyone is an asshole besides you and your sister. your dad clearly has some resentment towards your sister and her bio-mother and it’s very very toxic. it’s her body and her choice.
your dad giving her the contact info was not a gift. it was done in spite. please continue to support your sister. i can only imagine how hard this is for her.
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nta
#change her phone number!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? [/INST] nta it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole: 1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her 2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her 3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it 4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. </s>
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AITA for telling my niece she should wear deodorant?
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my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty.
i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working.
i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe.
i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.”
she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.”
her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions.
i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?”
they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond.
i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita?
| 21,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dssu4w/aita_for_telling_my_niece_she_should_wear/
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2019-11-07 05:05:21
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nta. not teaching your child proper hygiene is a major parenting fail. they should be embarrassed someone had to do this for them.
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> and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond.
what the what and what? better you saying something rather than kids at school - nta
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nta - you did her a solid. better you than some random kid
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nta. you're right. someone should tell her and you are family. she may be embarrassed, but you did her a favor and her parents are escalating the normal solution to body odor acting as if it's a personal attack.
good luck helping your niece out. she probably knows you are trying to help.
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nta
when i went through that phase, nobody said jack, so a girl in my class told me, i was horrified, next day she had to come tell me i should take it easy on the perfume, because i drenched myself in it.
pretty good friend to this day, but it was embarassing as hell.
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a massive nta. some teen/tweenagers need to be told that they smell bad, or they won't act on anything. if you're going through a 'tough time', bo is only going to make it worse. you tried to do the right thing by warning her. you were gentle, and speaking from experience as an adult.
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nta puberty is awkward but we all had to be told when to wear deodorant because it’s a part of life. it’s wrong to not teach a kid proper hygiene. i remember my friends and i liking wearing deodorant, we used the teen ones that smelled fruity and it made us feel grownup. this is just messed up.
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nta i wish i had a relative tell me about deodorant during puberty. nobody did and instead i had a completely humiliating meeting with my teacher and principal about it because other girls in my grade were teasing me for it when i wasn't around. when i have kids and they reach the typical puberty age i plan on giving them a little care package of essential hygiene stuff and talking with them about it so they'd never have to go through what i did. i'd rather have my kid be temporarily embarrassed by their mom in the privacy of their own home than bullied by peers at school.
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nta - my history teacher at the time actually told the class that she couldn’t handle the room smelling so bad after recess. she was old an a very scary grump so we weren’t surprised by her comment at all. but what did she do? she pulled out two giant bags of mini deodorants, one full of old spice for the boys and one of woman’s degree for the girls. walked around and made silly jokes about certain smells and the whole class just laughed, it wasn’t embarrassing at all. she showed us the proper way to put it on because the boys immediately were rubbing on their arms and being stupid with it, haha. came home and told my mom and she was so thankful! she wrote a thank you card and we picked up nice smelling flowers for me to take to her the next day. she started the difficult conversation for a lot of parents and after that we would routinely have a “reapply deodorant” break after recess to help start the habit.
thanks mrs. g, you were a crabby old woman but i always think of you whenever i see mini deodorants now, 18 yrs later. you’re the best.
so no your nta for talking to her about it. hygiene is hygiene. you did the right thing.
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nta
like it's... not a "pleasant" comment to make but it's about something she can easily change and it's better to hear from you than be bullied by some demonio middle schoolers
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty. i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working. i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe. i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.” she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.” her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions. i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?” they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond. i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my niece is 12. she’s going through puberty. i pick her up from school or dance practice sometimes when her parents are working. i’ve noticed over the last few weeks she’s been smelling very ripe. i was driving her home one day and said (this is abridged) “hey i know you’re going through a lot of bodily changes right now and you’re really growing up. i think it might be time to start wearing deodorant.” she said “i smell?” and i said “yah, just a little. no big deal. just pick up some deodorant, your mom has some.” her parents called and were furious saying she’s going through a difficult and sensitive time and how dare i make her insecure about her natural bodily functions. i said “sorry, i thought if roles were reversed i’d want someone to tell me. are you really saying you didn’t notice her smelling like bo all the time?” they said she had to come to them and ask for it because someone pushing the issue would make her insecure. and by circumventing her psychological timeline i’ve given her a complex for the rest of her adolescence, maybe beyond. i didn’t think it was a big deal at all, but now my niece and her parents are so upset, i feel awful! i’m wondering what i missed here. aita? [/INST] nta. not teaching your child proper hygiene is a major parenting fail. they should be embarrassed someone had to do this for them. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister there’s a reason her kids chose to live with their dad?
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throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her.
i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her.
my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line.
| 23,249 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w3hz2u/aita_for_telling_my_sister_theres_a_reason_her/
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2022-07-20 09:24:19
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nta. a hit dog hollers. she was only upset by what you said because deep down she knows it’s the truth, and doesn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else.
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nta, your sister thinks "holding boundaries" is the same thing as "making demands", and she'll eventually learn that her children aren't accessories to treat as she wishes without consequence.
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nta. she knows it's true so she's assmad over it.
but wait...did you just say she took away doors to monitor her kids at all times????like...off the hinges and everything?
😂😂😂 i'm sorry i laughed a little, only because that sounds comical or straight out of a goddamn cartoon. she sounds absolutely ridiculous and i'm glad the kids are with the dad. she should be the last to be talking about anyone else's parenting when she's pushed her own kids b/c of her bitterness.
it reminds me of that one ed, edd and eddy episode where ed got grounded and his parents took away the stairs 💀💀💀 ("what happened to the stairs???")
https://youtu.be/iog1fj55voc
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nta. she opened things up to such a comment when she decided it was okay for *her* to criticize *your* parenting. she just doesn’t want to hear the truth and would rather think she is a flawless parent despite the evidence. what you said might have hit her where it hurts, but again, she set herself up for that by attacking your parenting choices
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nta - your sister judged you rudely and harshly as a parent. she put herself up to be the paragon of motherhood compared to you. it is more than fair to stand up for yourself. its actually funny that she didn't consider that you could throw much more back in her face but, if she was more introspective, she might still be married.
she started the fight and you finished it.
here's the other thing; she isn't going to be happy with you anytime soon but it might actually spark something in her regarding how she has treated her kids. there could be something positive for them down the road. she first has to acknowledge she was a terrible parent
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nta
you are providing your child with a safe environment in which she can grow and explore.
your sister is the posterchild of helicopter parents. i applaud her kids for choosing to live with her dad. good on you for telling your sister like it is.
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your sister has a fundamental misunderstanding of what boundaries are. boundaries define the limits of acceptable behaviour with a given person or within a given situation. there’re not a stick to wield in order to force others into submission.
an individual’s boundaries are non-negotiable and should be respected. the boundaries of acceptable behaviour within a situation can (and should with young people explicitly) be negotiated by those within the situation, and if done well can help to reinforce individual boundaries and develop a young person’s sense of agency.
as an example, your daughter just started dating, so now would be a good time to sit down and have the big talk with her. help her flesh out what she feels comfortable with, what personal boundaries she wants to set and how the boundaries of this situation can reinforce these. for example, your daughter may not be ready to have sex. setting a boundary that her bedroom door must be open when boyfriend is over can help her enforce this: “we can’t close the door because my mum will ground me” can be a lot less intimidating for a young person than “i’m not ready to do this yet”. it can empower her to learn to say no and hold her boundaries in a safe way.
what your sister did was not setting boundaries. in fact, it sounds like she regularly violated her children’s boundaries and denied them agency over their own lives. was what you said harsh? yes. was it an appropriate response to the conversation your sister started? yes. nta. your sister needs to learn what a boundary is before she lectures others.
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nta. could you have said it a little more kindly? perhaps. but it's the truth and she needed to hear it.
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nta that’s a dose of reality
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nta. maybe you were right on the borderline, but she clearly crossed it when she interfered with your decisions and parenting.
furthermore, from experience, having a real close connection with your mom to the point of considering her your best friend and being granted my independence from a young age has only brought me joy and fulfillment in life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her. i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her. my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. i (32f) have a 14 year old daughter jess. her father and my husband died in an accident when she was young, so it’s been just us two for a long time. as a result we are very close and she’s a lot more open to me then most kids are with their parents. around a week ago she asked me if i could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class. i know the guy distantly because they’ve done some extra curriculars together and i was thrilled he was my daughters first ‘boyfriend’. i took them a few days ago and they ended up hanging out at our house for a bit afterwards. he was extremely polite and maybe it’s just the mum inside me but i couldn’t be happier for her. i went to my older sisters house for coffee earlier this morning. backstory, my sister has two teenagers (16 and 17), who live almost full time with their dad. they had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad. the reason for this was because my sister was extremely over bearing on them. she was the kind of mum who believed kids should have no privacy and she should run their lives until they were adults. i know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc. this was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won’t admit that. while i love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy i fully understand why her kids don’t want to live with her. my daughter came up in conversation and so bought up her first date. when i explained how it went, my sister laughed and told me that i must be joking. when she realised i was serious, she told me i was a terrible mother for letting my daughter walk all over me and not setting boundaries. she ranted on for a while but she basically said that 14 year olds are incapable of going out themselves and that i was being lazy and neglectful by allowing her to do that. she also said ‘i would never allow my kids to do that,’ so i replied by saying ‘that’s exactly why your kids drive with their dad.’ she got very quiet and then told me to leave. when i got home i started thinking more about what i said and while at the time i thought i was simply telling her what she needed to hear, now i’m wondering if i crossed the line. [/INST] nta. a hit dog hollers. she was only upset by what you said because deep down she knows it’s the truth, and doesn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else. </s>
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AITA for responding to my father’s request for a relationship with a detailed PowerPoint on why he will never be forgiven?
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if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far.
my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years.
my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely.
my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could.
evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel.
maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?
| 23,900 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh2g3s/aita_for_responding_to_my_fathers_request_for_a/
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2022-12-09 17:00:46
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nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you.
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nta in the slightest. you told your dad how you felt and it made him have to confront his failures as a parent. it is not your fault he neglected you. he is upset because he knows what you put in the powerpoint is the reality of how he treated you when you were just a child. now that the truth is out and you have reestablished nc, i hope you are able to let go of some of the anger you have at him and know that you did nothing to cause how he treated you. i’m no contact with my dad and have been able to find a lot of peace in the life i have built without him. i hope for the same for you.
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nta he failed. he's gutted because he's had to look at the actual consequences of his actions- the paain he caused his child. yea that probably sucks, buy maybe he should have been a better dad.
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>evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel.
it was unnecessarily cruel of him to completely abandon/ignore you when your half-brother got sick. you already lost your mom, you would lose your brother, too, but he didn't think you needed any support or help?
**nta.**
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holy shit. nta but that was brutal. i pictured the "you failed" popping up at the end like when you die in dark souls.
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nta. was it harsh? yeah. was it a lot of effort when simply have telling him “go away” would have accomplished the basic goal? probably. but this was your lived reality, and he wasn’t interested in hearing or helping you when it would actually have made a difference. if it’s only now dawning on him how lonely and rejected you must have felt, he’s just going to have to live with that. (also, one does have to question whether he’d be this gutted or even reaching out at all if your brother were still here.)
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that was painfully harsh to read, but i still think nta. your father *did* fail you repeatedly, even before your brother got sick. he should never have married a woman who tried to push out the memory of your mom. and he should never have tolerated you being "forgotten about" as soon as your half-brother was born. your brother's illness and passing were a tragedy and your dad and stepmom could perhaps be forgiven for a "doing their best but fell short" type of parenting. but they clearly didn't even reach that level.
people will convince themselves of all kinds of delusions about why a close relationship went bad. you destroyed any such delusions your father had and spoke your truth. if he wants to have any hope of repairing his relationship with you, that can't happen until he honestly faces what he did to you. (i am not saying that to push you into repairing your relationship with him -- that's your call to make. just that *if* it were to happen, that would be an important element.) he could start by calling off the family members who are hassling you.
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nta at all. how dare your “family” expect you to sugar coat your feelings for your awful awful father. how. dare. they.
real family would apologize to you for letting you suffer in silence and not being there to help you, a child yourself, with the things you needed to grow up emotionally healthy. real family would ask how they can help you now. real family wouldn’t minimize the problems because they are inconvenient for their narrative. these people want to play happy family and pretend everything is not as bad as it is. this situation is exactly karma for your dad’s absolute failure as a father. he brought this on himself.
i am soooo angry for you. they don’t get to decide what is necessary and unnecessary for you. don’t you dare let them talk you out of what you feel because they don’t like how it makes them feel or look. your power point didn’t “work too well”, it worked. period. i’m proud of you for finally getting to say things in a way that got your point across. now go be awesome on your own. you don’t owe them a lift up after they let you down. and please don’t listen when they tell you to “be the bigger person”. it just means eat their abuse.
i think you need to face the reality that you have better coping mechanisms and understanding of what it means to be a functional adult than your father and family. they may be older, but they are not wiser.
you are adult and you get to decide what that means. you get to decide what works for you. i’m so sorry this was your childhood reality. i hope you continue to do your art therapy, and make up for your neglect with a great life. nta. at all.
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nta. you're the goat!!!
his and stepmother's behavior was extreme! having 1 sick child doesn't cause other children to cease to exist. demanding that you shrink yourself and neglect/belittle your wants/needs/experiences because you were healthy is beyond cruel and toxic.
you gave him 10 minutes to learn how you felt about his neglect and cruelty. he's had, what, a week or two of feeling the hopelessness and supposedly suffering. you've had at least 12-15 years of suffering???
that's what i would text back to every person who has criticized you: you suffered depression, neglect, and cruelty for 10-12 years. you're father hasn't suffered those things, he inflicted them. he's is experiencing the consequences of his actions, and it's only been 2 weeks. the fact is you did not make that powerpoint to cause pain, you made it to explain why you feel the way you do, and that you don't want anything to do with him, ever. then ask those people if they ever held him to account for him abdication of parental responsibility and insist he straighten up.
unless they confronted him during that time period he abandoned you, they don't have a duck in the hunt and need to bury their heads in the sand just as they did back then.
your mom sounds like she was amazing. your weekly collection of collages sounds awesome and i'd definitely buy a big glossy book from a person who showed them off and told the stories of that period of time. so, that means you're awesome. which is why you're the goat.
keep being rad.
btw, i finally went no contact with my narcissistic mother when i was 40.
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nta
this was a brilliant and direct approach your father is finally feeling what you felt all your life and he's simply too weak to handle it ...even his reaction is a selfish self centered one screaming me me me me.....
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
if i’m the ah here, i’ll own it. i’m not sorry, but like it would be good to know because the rest of my family thinks this went too far. my (24f) mom died when i was 7 from leukemia. i have very few memories of her from before she was sick and i didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her in her last year but she was an artist and until she couldn’t anymore she would make me little collages when she was in the hospital with drawings and photos and messages for me. my grandmother put them all in a book for me after she died. i wanted to be like my mom and my counselor thought it would help, so i started a journal where i would do kind of a similar thing and i’ve done at least one page a week all these years ever since my mom died, more when i miss her or have something hard going on. so, i have kind of a unique record of my mental state over the last 16 years. my father remarried when i was 9. my step-mother really leaned hard into the “i’m your mom now” and my father didn’t stop her. it improved when they had my half-brother because she basically forgot about me then. unfortunately he got cancer when he was 3. and i pretty much ceased to exist for my father, he was either working or gone with my brother and i spent all my teen years mostly at home alone or with my grandparents. the mantra was that my brother needed to be the focus because he might die so i needed to not be selfish since i was healthy. i stopped trying to talk to him when i was 16 and it was a dark time. i moved out when i was 18 and cut them off completely. my grandparents let me know that my brother died a couple of years ago but respected my desire to remain nc with my father. he recently reached out to them because he wants to see me and talk. i went through my old journals and made him a powerpoint with images of the entries where i had talked about being frustrated and feeling abandoned and unwanted, some with literal quotes of things my dad had said to me during arguments. even the really dark stuff from when i was seriously depressed. then i ended it with a photo of one of my mom’s collages where she had written “remember that your dad and i are always here for you” and i wrote “you failed. go away.” underneath. i felt like him being able to see it from my literal perspective would communicate why i don’t want him back better than i could. evidently it worked, but a little too well because i’ve been bombarded by family telling me that it’s understandable that i don’t want to see him, but what i sent gutted him and he’s completely fallen apart after reading through it and it was unnecessarily cruel. maybe it was, i know my bar for that is kind of weird sometimes, so aita? [/INST] nta, i have a saying "if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn't with the truth. its with your conduct." if the truth hurts your dad its his own to deal with and not on you. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin and her husband they should consider stopping their IVF treatment?
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my f28 female cousin lauren f35 and her husband have been struggling with having kids and are suffering from health issues. they've begun ivf treatment which is expensive where i live. so far they've had several rounds but no luck.
they visited on my mom's birthday yesterday, we don't see each other much now but mom tells me about how they're doing in general. we were conversing at dinner and the ivf got brought up. lauren said she and her husband are about to undergo another round of ivf. everyone at the table said a prayer and wished them luck, but i told lauren that after spending this much money and after having already gone through several rounds in addition to other factors contributing to their infertility issues, she should really consider stopping ivf and taking a break and also saving money. lauren and her husband looked offended, lauren then said that they aren't struggling with money so it's okay. i explained that they may not be struggling now but will be in the future seeing they'd spent thousands and wasted money for no benefits while they could've financially helped some struglling family with kids. lauren got quiet, i stated that this was just my opinion after all. lauren's husband looked at me grudgingly and said "i think you should just mind your own business and keep your opinion to yourself". from there the argument ensued. i told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back. shortly after, he and lauren left. mom started asking me why i caused a scene on her birthday. i said we were just talking but lauren and her husband blew this way out of proportion. mom said that i had 0 say in anyone's reproductive choice and should've kept my mouth shut. my sister who rarely agrees with me sided with me saying i was good. but mom is insisting i call lauren and apologize to her. my husband too sided with me and told me to give it few days and lauren will call. i see lauren as my sister and i respect her but we have our moments.
aita in this situation?
| 11,384 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/surg7i/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_and_her_husband_they/
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2022-02-17 15:29:17
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yta - their reproductive choices are none of your business.
>i told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back.
ironic that you’d call him disrespectful and claim he’s the one “talking back”
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yta.
what they do with their money and their bodies is none of your business. and the "they could've financially helped some struggling family with kids"... are you helping a struggling family with kids ?
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yta.
let me guess, you're the "struggling family with kids" they should've helped instead. this is absolutely a myfb situation.
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yta. hugely. this isn’t your choice, you are not entitled to an opinion unless specifically asked. their finances and family planning are none of your business.
i’m glad the husband stood up for themselves, they are in a tough enough situation without having to deal with outside criticism.
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yta
lauren's husband said it best "i think you should just mind your own business and keep your opinion to yourself"
people always say when giving opinions we should think:
1. is it neccessary
2. is it helpful
3. is it kind
but i think we need to add a fourth
4. is it asked for
your opinion was not necessary, helpful, kind, or asked for so keep it to yourself. they will already be getting unwanted opinions about their reproductive decisions from so many people who should have kept their thoughts to themselves, don't jump on that bandwagon.
edit sorry as the below user says (sorry don't know how to quote on phone) it should be at least 2 of the above 3 and this was definitely none of them.
edit thank you for the awards!
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yes, yta, and your mom is right; you have no right to butt in about their reproductive choices. you have no idea what an infertile couple is going through emotionally so keep you mouth shut.
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wow yta. they are trying to have a child, not planning vacations. it’s not wasted money to them, if you think what they are doing is wrong keep it to yourself, what they are going through is hard enough without someone, esp family, telling them they are wasting money
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yta
they didn't ask your advice. they didn't ask your opinion. you decided you needed to give it to them. in public. on your mother's birthday.
you have a lot of apologising to do.
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yta!!!!! i cannot yell that loudly enough! why tf do you think you get a say in their finances or decision regarding having a child? infertility is so incredibly deeply painful and all the hormones and shots and things you have to go through during ivf only to be crushed time after time let alone yeah it’s freaking expensive. no it’s not fun spending money on it but it’s well worth the possibility of having a child.
seriously what is wrong with you? keep your mouth shut as this in no way concerns you. are you just jealous that they have the money to do it?
omg i missed the line where you told them to give their money to other people?!?!
you are straight up jealous of their money and it’s disgusting.
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yta
"we're continuing to pursue our dream."
"you should just fucking give up already."
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f28 female cousin lauren f35 and her husband have been struggling with having kids and are suffering from health issues. they've begun ivf treatment which is expensive where i live. so far they've had several rounds but no luck. they visited on my mom's birthday yesterday, we don't see each other much now but mom tells me about how they're doing in general. we were conversing at dinner and the ivf got brought up. lauren said she and her husband are about to undergo another round of ivf. everyone at the table said a prayer and wished them luck, but i told lauren that after spending this much money and after having already gone through several rounds in addition to other factors contributing to their infertility issues, she should really consider stopping ivf and taking a break and also saving money. lauren and her husband looked offended, lauren then said that they aren't struggling with money so it's okay. i explained that they may not be struggling now but will be in the future seeing they'd spent thousands and wasted money for no benefits while they could've financially helped some struglling family with kids. lauren got quiet, i stated that this was just my opinion after all. lauren's husband looked at me grudgingly and said "i think you should just mind your own business and keep your opinion to yourself". from there the argument ensued. i told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back. shortly after, he and lauren left. mom started asking me why i caused a scene on her birthday. i said we were just talking but lauren and her husband blew this way out of proportion. mom said that i had 0 say in anyone's reproductive choice and should've kept my mouth shut. my sister who rarely agrees with me sided with me saying i was good. but mom is insisting i call lauren and apologize to her. my husband too sided with me and told me to give it few days and lauren will call. i see lauren as my sister and i respect her but we have our moments. aita in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f28 female cousin lauren f35 and her husband have been struggling with having kids and are suffering from health issues. they've begun ivf treatment which is expensive where i live. so far they've had several rounds but no luck. they visited on my mom's birthday yesterday, we don't see each other much now but mom tells me about how they're doing in general. we were conversing at dinner and the ivf got brought up. lauren said she and her husband are about to undergo another round of ivf. everyone at the table said a prayer and wished them luck, but i told lauren that after spending this much money and after having already gone through several rounds in addition to other factors contributing to their infertility issues, she should really consider stopping ivf and taking a break and also saving money. lauren and her husband looked offended, lauren then said that they aren't struggling with money so it's okay. i explained that they may not be struggling now but will be in the future seeing they'd spent thousands and wasted money for no benefits while they could've financially helped some struglling family with kids. lauren got quiet, i stated that this was just my opinion after all. lauren's husband looked at me grudgingly and said "i think you should just mind your own business and keep your opinion to yourself". from there the argument ensued. i told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back. shortly after, he and lauren left. mom started asking me why i caused a scene on her birthday. i said we were just talking but lauren and her husband blew this way out of proportion. mom said that i had 0 say in anyone's reproductive choice and should've kept my mouth shut. my sister who rarely agrees with me sided with me saying i was good. but mom is insisting i call lauren and apologize to her. my husband too sided with me and told me to give it few days and lauren will call. i see lauren as my sister and i respect her but we have our moments. aita in this situation? [/INST] yta - their reproductive choices are none of your business. >i told him he was being disrespectful and he kept talking back. ironic that you’d call him disrespectful and claim he’s the one “talking back” </s>
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AITA for "hacking" my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?
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i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk.
recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for.
my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?"
my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it."
right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.
my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said.
i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.
it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
| 24,932 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jkqq4c/aita_for_hacking_my_moms_instagram_to_see_if_she/
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2020-10-30 05:04:29
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nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid.
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nta. i would recommend a cya and tell the family what your mom did and how you responded so that they know you didn’t have anything to do with it.
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nta your husband is right. she literally could ruin your lives with that information.
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nta, your husband is right: you gave her a chance to come clean she didn't. she could've easily endangered your job and the family you nanny for, i mean the nda is there for a reason...
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nta
she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract. she is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger
worse is you dont know how amber will use that info. your family already hates her and sees her as toxic.
whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer
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nta
i don't think your mom gets how bad this. i sign ndas all day every day for my what i do. i work in hollywood and it part of the job. your mom doesn't get that her violating this nda is not just breaking your the trust with this family. it will ruin all potential job opportunities. it really will. the chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an nda.. it won't be easy. not at all.
also this is why my mom and i don't talk about my work at all. luckily i love 3k miles away so that helps.
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nta, but who do you work for??? just kidding. i’m sorry you have to go through this.
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nta. ordinarily, i’m not a fan of snooping. but she put your (apparently awesome) job at risk and potentially opened your family up to legal liability. all to one up a frenemy. you needed to know who the leak was in case anything got back to your employer. your mom is the one who cannot be trusted—she is just trying to turn the tables on you.
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report her to the family you work for this is a serious issue. also i wouldn’t say it was hacking as obviously she shared the password with you.
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nta
i seriously hope you have a record of your mom's dm, because you're going to need it. if not, get that screenshot or record asap. then strict no contact with mom.
get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing anything or telling anyone else. honestly, probably should delete this post too.
signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a nanny for a high profile family. i signed a very extensive and strict nda. anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an nda. the nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk. recently ran into one of my parents' neighbors, amber, at the park. amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). a direct violation of the nda and something i could be fired and sued for. my dad isn't the sharing type, like at all, so i figured it was probably my mom. i asked her about it in a casual “hey how’s amber,” way. i said i ran into amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. my mom simply shrugged and said, "that's funny. maybe she googled? or saw something on social media?" my dad and sister absolutely hate amber. they essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. my dad ended our convo where i asked him about it by saying, "the only thing i know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in new york and is making bank and that's only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it." right then, i knew my mom lied to me and it was her. she and amber love to "one up" each other with their children's success, and i also just landed a great new job. i asked my mom about it again and she told me that i was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me. my mom doesn't text people, only dm's on instagram. i know her password so logged in to check her messages. there was an extremely long dm to amber where she shared their professions, children's names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay "really well", etc. everything that we are legally not allowed to say, she said. i called her immediately and said that i logged into her dm's and saw the message she sent amber that was a violation. she started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can't believe i hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up. it has been a week without contact between the two of us. we used to speak every single day. i am starting to believe that maybe i'm the asshole here for violating her trust like that. my husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that i gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before i intervened and sought out the truth myself. he constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family's well being. because truthfully, amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. so, aita? [/INST] nta, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. i would be livid. </s>
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AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being racist?
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i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl”
my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there.
when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes.
she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh.
| 25,623 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lyceex/aita_for_demanding_my_mom_apologize_after_she/
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2021-03-05 14:00:12
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nta. your mother is a hypocrite for being racist towards a woman because she thought she was racist. instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her.
eta because some people don’t understand the racist part. by making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a racist stereotype towards black people. last time i checked, everyone enjoys a good popeyes or jollibee chicken.
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nta there are many cultures that like to fry chicken. your mother is the one with the issue here.
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op, i love how you defended your girlfriend. way to go!!
don’t let it go yet, in any case. the lesson she is learning now about being polite to your girlfriend is invaluable.
nta
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nta. even a misunderstanding is deserving of an apology.
however the way it’s written, it seems as though it goes beyond a simple misunderstanding and delves into the territory of assumption, the way your mom decided to go off after simply seeing what was for dinner. in that case, it’s fair to ask for an apology, too.
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nta. your mom made a mistake and jumped to conclusions in a way that hurt your gf. if she'd just apologized sincerely, the problem would end there. she is the one dragging it out by being stubborn.
since your family doesn't approve of the relationship, i think it's critical to set boundaries now that any rudeness to your gf will not be tolerated, otherwise this kind of thing will happen again.
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nta
your mum sounds like she's actively looking for things to be wrong with your gf. foodstuffs can be quite similar and not just for one culture. like on a recent yt binge, haggis (which is usually seen as scottish) isn't just for scotland, turns out there's many haggis-like dishes around the world, especially in brazil.
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nta - race card gunslingers are exhausting, but demanding apologies is a waste of time. they're just words meant to placate someone if the sentiment isn't behind them. if your mom was actually sorry, she'd say so. but you did the right thing by sticking up for your gf and i'd be telling your mom that unless she can behave in a civil manner going forward, you'll not be having her over for dinner again any time soon.
and fried chicken is a beloved food almost anywhere you go. unless you're vegetarian or vegan, i don't think there's a person on the planet who doesn't love it. there's a reason that fried chicken chains are a billion dollar global industry. stereotypes are only perpetuated when someone keeps fanning the flames to keep them going. this particular one should have been dropped before it even got started, it's ridiculous. most people love friend chicken as much as pizza. it's a staple in the majority of meat eating households in many countries.
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nta. your mom needs to chill the fuck out. that would be like me (im black) going to a work event and being mad that there was watermelon on the plate and thinking its a personal attack. i'm fairly well travelled and every country i've been to has fried chicken.
also tell her about jollibee, its a huge filipino fried chicken place that expanded into the us.
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nta. your mom made a mistake and should apologize. also, fried chicken is delicious, especially homemade fried chicken. why insult someone for making good food for you.
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nta. filipino fried chicken is amazing. i live in a southeast asian country and almost everyone here knows the superior taste of filipino fried chicken. jollibee, a franchise of fried chicken (like kfc) has been dominating the fried chicken market here.
anyway, you weren't in the wrong at all. she lives in progressive times now and she should also have basic courtesy and respect for others. apologising after making a mistake is common sense, isn't it? being able to put your pride away when it counts is a hallmark of a decent person.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl” my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there. when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes. she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m black and my girlfriend is filipino. my parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think i should be with a “rich girl” my parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook. neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. her mom came here from the philippines and i guess it is pretty popular over there. when my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype. she immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. i explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the philippines and i googled it to show her that there are a lot of filipino recipes. she calmed down but did not apologize. i asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. i said she should still apologize and she got offended, so i asked her to leave. i’m not talking to her until she apologizes but i don’t know if that is too harsh. [/INST] nta. your mother is a hypocrite for being racist towards a woman because she thought she was racist. instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her. eta because some people don’t understand the racist part. by making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a racist stereotype towards black people. last time i checked, everyone enjoys a good popeyes or jollibee chicken. </s>
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AITA? Coworker refused to tell me her name. I got kind of defensive.
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started a new job. was in the break room. met one of my coworkers for the first time. we talked a little bit, was fine. she asked me my name so i told her, then i asked what her's was and she curtly said "i'm not going to tell you that." i was like "that's kind of weird but alright." and she said if i wanted to find out i could look at the board that said the 2 employees of the month and that hers was one of the names, to which i pretty frankly said "i don't really give a shit what your name is enough to put in that effort, i'll just find out from someone else" and then i just disengaged.
i kind of cringe looking back. she was probably just messing around but i mean... i just met you and you're being alienating like that? i don't know if that is just her style of fooling around and she wasn't trying to be a dick but at that point i felt slighted. :/
aita?
| 20,297 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e5wp9z/aita_coworker_refused_to_tell_me_her_name_i_got/
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2019-12-04 09:21:15
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nta - sick burn. honestly, i'd go read the names, then call her the wrong one
"hey frank, the toilet's backed up again, and since you're employee of the month, i decided to bow to your experience"
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esh. i don't know if she was teasing or being entitled or what. you obviously got bad vibes from the exchange.
but, you went from 0 to 100 pretty quickly for a pretty mild, if irritating, exchange and as a new member of staff who should probably be prioritizing building at least a generally positive relationship with your coworkers. i suggest you try to patch this up so that you might have a cordial work environment.
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nta call her "employee of the month" and then next month if its someone else "employee of last month" bonus points if you get employee of the month or can keep it going until "employee of 6 months ago"
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esh. and by everyone i mean all the top comments too.
if this was at a party or college or something, it doesn’t matter. whatever.
but at your new job, you don’t say shit like “i don’t really give enough of a shit to put in the effort.” you just laugh it off and move on or say “okay” and move on.
maybe the girl was being playful and you misread it. maybe she’s a bitch and you read it perfectly. regardless, you don’t descend to aggressive passive aggressiveness on day 1.
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nta
sounds like she was looking for a reason to brag. you already told her your name, so you are obviously upset that she didn't answer in kind.
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esh
she told a bad joke and you went full, complete, unadulterated asshole.
she could of even be flirting with you or just terrible in social situations with strangers.
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esh. she was being attention seeking and petty, but your comment was very rude and inappropriate. there are so many better ways to handle that.
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crazy to me that so many people are saying you’re not the asshole. she was probably joking, yta for sure. plus it’s always hard tell in these posts so all we know is that you got mad and we’re supposed to fill in the blanks but it sounds like you were just being a dick to someone who was just kidding around. you sound overly sensitive and rude.
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yta.
it doesn't sound like she was trying to brag; it just sounds like she was being playful or giving the new guy a slight rib. you even admit that she was "probably just messing around," but like someone else mentioned, you went from 0-100 pretty quickly. what she did was, at worst, mildly annoying, but your response was rude.
as an aside, your response is not how you want to start off your new job. you don't know how she's viewed in the office or what her position is. if she's well-liked in the office either by your coworkers and/or by management (management being likely since she was awarded eotm), then word is going to quickly spread that you're not a good "fit" for the company. and first impressions matter a lot. people will hear how you cussed at someone who's been working at the office, then that will color their interactions with you.
even if what she did was annoying, sometimes its better to just suck it up and play along. this was not the hill to die on.
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esh she was being annoying but you just used some very hostile language at work and this is a new job
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.71206 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: started a new job. was in the break room. met one of my coworkers for the first time. we talked a little bit, was fine. she asked me my name so i told her, then i asked what her's was and she curtly said "i'm not going to tell you that." i was like "that's kind of weird but alright." and she said if i wanted to find out i could look at the board that said the 2 employees of the month and that hers was one of the names, to which i pretty frankly said "i don't really give a shit what your name is enough to put in that effort, i'll just find out from someone else" and then i just disengaged. i kind of cringe looking back. she was probably just messing around but i mean... i just met you and you're being alienating like that? i don't know if that is just her style of fooling around and she wasn't trying to be a dick but at that point i felt slighted. :/ aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
started a new job. was in the break room. met one of my coworkers for the first time. we talked a little bit, was fine. she asked me my name so i told her, then i asked what her's was and she curtly said "i'm not going to tell you that." i was like "that's kind of weird but alright." and she said if i wanted to find out i could look at the board that said the 2 employees of the month and that hers was one of the names, to which i pretty frankly said "i don't really give a shit what your name is enough to put in that effort, i'll just find out from someone else" and then i just disengaged. i kind of cringe looking back. she was probably just messing around but i mean... i just met you and you're being alienating like that? i don't know if that is just her style of fooling around and she wasn't trying to be a dick but at that point i felt slighted. :/ aita? [/INST] nta - sick burn. honestly, i'd go read the names, then call her the wrong one "hey frank, the toilet's backed up again, and since you're employee of the month, i decided to bow to your experience" </s>
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AITA for not paying my daughter’s(19f) college tuition and rent anymore since she refuses to help out with the new baby
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hi reddit, my husband and i have always tried to provide the best that we can for our two daughters (19f and 14f). we are both well paid engineers and have set aside money to pay for our daughters’ college tuitions and weddings. my elder daughter is in college and also lives with us completely rent free. we are now having another kid and we wanted our elder daughter to help out with some childcare things during the day like changing diapers and also watching the baby some evenings/weekends when needed.
my older daughter said it was not her responsibility and that she absolutely wouldn’t help out with the baby. during this conversation a lot of words were exchanged and she (perhaps in anger or in all seriousness, i don’t know) said we better not expect her to help take care of us when we’re older either. my husband and i have always tried to help our daughters out as much as we can, and we thought they would do the same for us. but my older daughter has some very strict boundaries on what her obligations are as a child and says she owes us nothing. which is true but my husband and i had a serious talk about everything that happened and decided perhaps it’s in our best interests to take older daughter’s tuition/wedding money and save it for the new baby and in our retirement savings accounts instead, given that we would not be receiving any help from anyone else.
our older daughter freaked out and called us all kinds of names. we still let her live with us rent free, but it is becoming really unbearable living with her and all the animosity she’s showing me and my husband right now. we said we would continue to pay for the rest of her sophomore year, but she would have to start working or taking out loans to pay the rest. we are not doing this to spite her but rather to look out for our own best interests, so reddit, aiti here?
| 4,013 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie3ae4/aita_for_not_paying_my_daughters19f_college/
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2020-08-21 19:18:25
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yta.
older children are not built-in nannies. take care of your kid your damn self, or pay someone to do it.
> my husband and i have always tried to help our daughters out as much as we can,
yeah, that's called "parenting." they don't owe you for it. ever.
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oh my god.
yta. you are absolutely doing this to spite her whether you admit that to yourselves or not.
taking money you've set aside for her her entire life is going to cause her to end up cutting contact with you. it's your money, technically, so i guess you can actually do whatever you want with it, but it would be pretty evil in this situation.
it's not your daughters' job to raise her new sibling. sure, she might help out because she wants to sometimes, but also, not everyone likes babies. you're the parents, so you figure it out.
if you don't want your daughter to live with you rent-free then implement rent. or have her do mandatory chores so she is contributing to the home she lives in, like vacuuming and mopping floors, cleaning windows, doing the ironing, etc. taking care of the baby should not be an obligatory chore.
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yta - can you please at least try to act a little less horrible to your daughter? she never signed up for this baby, you did. she has school and her life on her mind, not the new baby, and she sure as hell is not a third parent.
what exactly will withdrawing any and all support accomplish? congrats, your daughter will never forgive you. she will pay off her student loans for a long time and she will never forget how her parents disowned her in favour of the new baby. you will effectively lose a child. but hey, you just made a new one! so no biggie?
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yta.
when you and your husband decided to have a new baby, did you include your daughter in that conversation or was she volunteered after the fact to be your built in babysitter?
she is not obligated to be your free child care.
at the same time, you are technically not obligated to pay for her college/wedding.
**however** it’s incredibly fucking selfish of parents to insist that their children are their retirement plans, built in child care, and then hinge secondary education on those terms.
you are the parent and she is the child. are you legally obligated to provide those things? no. but as a parent, should you want to give your child the beat possible chance she could have in life? **fucking yes**
you’re irrelevant decision to have a third late-in-life baby is not your eldest college-age daughter’s responsibility and you’re fucking selfish to be hinging her education money on your own selfishness.
and one more time, because everyone knows repetition is how we all learn: children are not retirement plans. those have many names, including but not limited to, 401k, ira, rothira, etc
maybe try one of those.
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is this a troll? info: why is it your daughters responsibility to take care of your child?
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yta. paying for her college should be done because as parents you want to help her get an education, not to obligate her to care for you when you're older.
she's your child, not a caregiver you're trying to prepay.
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> it’s in our best interests to take older daughter’s tuition/wedding money and save it for the new baby and in our retirement savings accounts instead, given that we would not be receiving any help from anyone else.
yta. kids are not insurance policies, you don't have them to make sure you have someone to look after you when you're old. personally i do think it's harsh to offer to pay for tuition and then take it away just because she doesn't want to look after the new baby you decided to have presumably fairly late in life. you don't mention taking away both of their funds, just hers. it's pretty arseholish behaviour.
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yta for 2 reasons:
1. expecting your child to be third parent to their younger siblings when they didnt make the choice of you getting pregnant. theres nothing wrong with wanting her to help out with the baby but there's only so much an older sibling should have to do.
2. you dont owe her money but when you tell the child you're gonna help pay for something and then snatch it away because they dont want to be a third parent is an ah move. you shouldn't be having kids if you have cant afford to.
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yta
so you get a new one and toss the old one aside to fend for herself. great parenting 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
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yta. "to take my oldest daughter's tuition/wedding money" favoritism much? this is not your oldest daughter's child, it is yours. don't try to make her take care of someone else's baby.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi reddit, my husband and i have always tried to provide the best that we can for our two daughters (19f and 14f). we are both well paid engineers and have set aside money to pay for our daughters’ college tuitions and weddings. my elder daughter is in college and also lives with us completely rent free. we are now having another kid and we wanted our elder daughter to help out with some childcare things during the day like changing diapers and also watching the baby some evenings/weekends when needed. my older daughter said it was not her responsibility and that she absolutely wouldn’t help out with the baby. during this conversation a lot of words were exchanged and she (perhaps in anger or in all seriousness, i don’t know) said we better not expect her to help take care of us when we’re older either. my husband and i have always tried to help our daughters out as much as we can, and we thought they would do the same for us. but my older daughter has some very strict boundaries on what her obligations are as a child and says she owes us nothing. which is true but my husband and i had a serious talk about everything that happened and decided perhaps it’s in our best interests to take older daughter’s tuition/wedding money and save it for the new baby and in our retirement savings accounts instead, given that we would not be receiving any help from anyone else. our older daughter freaked out and called us all kinds of names. we still let her live with us rent free, but it is becoming really unbearable living with her and all the animosity she’s showing me and my husband right now. we said we would continue to pay for the rest of her sophomore year, but she would have to start working or taking out loans to pay the rest. we are not doing this to spite her but rather to look out for our own best interests, so reddit, aiti here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi reddit, my husband and i have always tried to provide the best that we can for our two daughters (19f and 14f). we are both well paid engineers and have set aside money to pay for our daughters’ college tuitions and weddings. my elder daughter is in college and also lives with us completely rent free. we are now having another kid and we wanted our elder daughter to help out with some childcare things during the day like changing diapers and also watching the baby some evenings/weekends when needed. my older daughter said it was not her responsibility and that she absolutely wouldn’t help out with the baby. during this conversation a lot of words were exchanged and she (perhaps in anger or in all seriousness, i don’t know) said we better not expect her to help take care of us when we’re older either. my husband and i have always tried to help our daughters out as much as we can, and we thought they would do the same for us. but my older daughter has some very strict boundaries on what her obligations are as a child and says she owes us nothing. which is true but my husband and i had a serious talk about everything that happened and decided perhaps it’s in our best interests to take older daughter’s tuition/wedding money and save it for the new baby and in our retirement savings accounts instead, given that we would not be receiving any help from anyone else. our older daughter freaked out and called us all kinds of names. we still let her live with us rent free, but it is becoming really unbearable living with her and all the animosity she’s showing me and my husband right now. we said we would continue to pay for the rest of her sophomore year, but she would have to start working or taking out loans to pay the rest. we are not doing this to spite her but rather to look out for our own best interests, so reddit, aiti here? [/INST] yta. older children are not built-in nannies. take care of your kid your damn self, or pay someone to do it. > my husband and i have always tried to help our daughters out as much as we can, yeah, that's called "parenting." they don't owe you for it. ever. </s>
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AITA for 'going off' on a mother in the toy store
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i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud.
at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this.
he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude.
at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn.
not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter.
aita?
| 23,282 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l8ej2y/aita_for_going_off_on_a_mother_in_the_toy_store/
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2021-01-30 05:12:49
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nta. if she was so freaked out, she could find a different aisle. she's raising her child to consider people with disabilities as scary or abnormal, and that's just shitty parenting. unless your brother was saying or doing something inappropriate, she had no right to ask him to leave.
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nta you were a lot more polite than i would have been. also, you sound like a wonderful brother!
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nta king, i have so much respect for you. you handle your brother's care excellently, and also don't buy into the whole gendered toys bullshit and let him get what he wants regardless.
keep doing you, and all the best to you and your bro.
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nta, people should be more considerate of others... kindness goes a long way. good for you for taking care of your brother. need more of this in our world.
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nta one bit, i suggest hero. i can’t even believe she acted that way since there were obvious indications of your brothers state. regardless, it’s a public place, she has no authority to tell you where you can and cannot be. if her daughter is getting freaked out by noticing someone with a disability, it’s her mother’s job to inform her that you cannot be rude to someone or feel entitled just because you don’t like their hand gestures. i wish i was a bystander so i could’ve given you and your brother a round of applause. bravo!
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mostly nta, but you ceded a little bit of the high ground with the “hag” comment. next time you have to put an ableist harasser in his/her place, try to do it without the unnecessarily gendered language.
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nta. you're a freakin' awesome brother!! you handled it perfectly, but i would've complained to the manager about the harassment you endured though.
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as the mother of an adult stimmer - i think you were very contained... and i thank you for taking such good care of your brother,
twenty eight years of watching my girl be judged by strangers has made me very intolerant of ignorance... and that leads me to be a little more forceful when pointing out their error of said strangers ways. at least they have a better story to tell later - the narrative changes from the stimming adult to her bat-shit crazy mother!
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i literally made an account to say that not only are you nta, but you sound like an absolutely amazing brother. i hope your bro is having the time of his life playing with those barbies.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud. at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this. he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude. at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn. not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm (28m) my brothers care taker (21m mental age 7-8), our parents decided at 18 to tell us to screw off, so when my brother (let's call him bill) turned 18 i grabbed him and enrolled him to get his ged since he didn't finish highschool, and take care of him. his chores are too clean his room, help with laundry and set the table for supper. i get paid by the state and you better believe i make sure his needs are met. he's my little bud. at the end of the month for each day he does his chores he gets a sticker, at the end of the month that sticker gets counted as 5$ and he uses the money for whatever he wants. like toys, special snacks etc. he loves this. he's been so good lately with chores i took him out for burgers and fries and took him to the toy store. my brother is big. not fat, just tall and actually big boned (he's healthy weight and overall health), he gets excited and stims by flapping his hands, you do you little dude. at the toystore he announced he wants barbie's, cool, no judgement, and we go look at barbies. he's stimming and rambling about what he wanted and meanwhile a lady and little girl come in the aisle. not even two minutes pass and the lady tells us to go to another aisle, she wants to look at the dolls and his weird hand movements are freaking her out. i tell her to wait her turn. not even another minute passes and she tells my brother to knock it off and go look at something else. now i'm pissed. i tell my brother to get what he wants and looked at her and told her, her daughter could use a better role model, i'd hate for her to turn into such a grouchy hag. took my brother out to pay for his barbies all while ignoring her telling me how much of an asshole i am for saying that in front of her daughter. aita? [/INST] nta. if she was so freaked out, she could find a different aisle. she's raising her child to consider people with disabilities as scary or abnormal, and that's just shitty parenting. unless your brother was saying or doing something inappropriate, she had no right to ask him to leave. </s>
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AITA for asking my ex-wife to stop making my kids jealous and flaunting
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so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10)
i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3).
i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family.
so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year.
my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person.
it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas.
it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls.
she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind?
am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?
| 11,605 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zej0hw/aita_for_asking_my_exwife_to_stop_making_my_kids/
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2022-12-06 21:42:47
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yta
&#x200b;
she is doing nothing wrong.
&#x200b;
"me and my wife are the last people on her mind?".. of course you are. what else would you expect?
&#x200b;
she is good to her kids. good parenting. you are no concern to her, except that you are a parent to her kids.
&#x200b;
"or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?" .. yes, you are.
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[removed]
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holy mother of projection, batman
your ex wife is doing well for herself and wants to treat her children well, and you aren't part of the equation here. stop being spiteful yourself and be better for your kids
yta
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info: how far apart in age exactly are m10 and f9?
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so you got married a hot second after having divorced your wife (who had just given birth), then turned around and had a baby (and then two more) and now are sad that your life didn’t work out as well as hers?
yta.
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yta you’re the one who decided to have 5 damned kids and you make little money and your wife is sah.
you really think your sons should be living in poverty because you are?
all that said, why aren’t you being paid child support if there’s such a disparity?
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yta for having a sahw while only making 30k a year with 5 kids in the picture. get over your insecurities, tell the new wife to get a job, learn how to budget but most importantly keep your nose out of your exs financials.
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yta
just looking through your children's ages, and it looks like you got your current wife pregnant immediately after your ex wife gave birth to your and her younger child and you divorced your first wife right at the same time she gave birth to your and her younger son. irrelevant to your question, but makes one go hmmm..
your ex is not doing anything wrong, she's simply spending on her children.
however, if you can barely afford heating, it's time for your wife to start working. thers zero reason for her to be a sahm when your kids are 9, 7 and 3 years old. and you obviously cannot afford it, when you don't make the ends meet.
so stop looking at your ex's lifestyle through your bitter lense and start looking for ways to improve yours. you cannot control what your ex does with her money, and that she wants to experience exciting, fun things with your kids. you only can control what goes on in your home, and how your money is spent
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you have been divorced 10 years.
your younger son is 10.
your oldest daughter is 9.
are you suggesting your ex wife is spiteful because you cheated?
if so, she sure showed you. you have five kids, make $30k per year, and your wife doesn’t work. for that alone, yta. and your ex wife started this new successful venture 4 years ago. probably because she found out your wife was pregnant and your ex knew the little you were able to contribute toward your sons’ expenses was going to be that much less.
you daughters get a full time dad, and their mom doesn’t work outside the home. spend some of that parenting time teaching your daughters how to be happy for other people and that they can’t get everything they want. and get over your jealousy of your ex-wife’s success. you see your sons two days a week. you were divorced when they were 2 and a newborn. there is no reason why custody shouldn’t be 50/50 other than you deciding to start over and just be a weekend dad. and it doesn’t sound like they were bragging or being obnoxious. just excited. be glad they thriving and have the opportunity to have nice experiences despite your selfishness.
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yta
for one, your problem isn't even with your ex wife flaunting her wealth to your kids, it's your other kids flaunting their vacation to your kids. perfectly fine to ask them to not bring it up in front of the others, but what does that have to do with your ex wife?
for two, motherfucker you got 5 kids and you make 30k a year. you knew the bed you were making before you had 3 more kids.
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YTA
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| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10) i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3). i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family. so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year. my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person. it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas. it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind? am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i’ve (m38) been divorced from my ex wife (f35) for 10 years. and we have two kids together (m12 and m10) i remarried a year late while she’s still single. i have 3 further kids (f9, f7 f3). i have my sons over every weekend. about 4 years, my ex wife opened up a online business and she’s been making 6 figures. while my wife is a stay at home mum and i make 30k to support our family. so you can imagine how this difference has effected our 2 households. they live in a gated community, she drives a 2022 rsq3. and she and our sons go on 2 extravagant holidays a year. my sons came over this weekend and starting tell me and the girls they’re going on a disney concierge cruise in the summer. my daughters started crying saying daddy we wanna go, and when i looked online for the prices they’re priced at $5k per person. it’s been all they’ve talking about non-stop. i feel like their wealth is being shoved down our throats, when we can barely afford heating this christmas. it’s hard not to be hateful but i sent her a long text saying stop trying to make us feel less than. i also told my sons in private pls don’t mention holidays or gifts around the girls. she replied with saying it’s not her problem how we feel, and when she does nice things for the boys. me and my wife are the last people on her mind? am i reading into this too much? or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful? [/INST] yta &#x200b; she is doing nothing wrong. &#x200b; "me and my wife are the last people on her mind?".. of course you are. what else would you expect? &#x200b; she is good to her kids. good parenting. you are no concern to her, except that you are a parent to her kids. &#x200b; "or am i the asshole for saying she’s spiteful?" .. yes, you are. </s>
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AITA for letting my son play in the waiting room of the doctor’s office?
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son is 2. we are at the doctor because i’m about 98% sure he has an ear infection. we go to a doctor’s office that doesn’t have any sort of play area or anywhere for kids to kind of hang around. we go here pretty frequently so my kids have the same sort of routine: you’re allowed to roam the room without bothering other people or yelling. they like to do typical kid things like walking in circles around empty chairs or looking at the art on the wall and tell me what shapes are there.
there was only one other woman in the waiting room, she was probably about 50 yrs old. so while we are waiting my little son is doing his typical thing. now let me add that when there have been other people as long as he follows my rules they don’t seem to be bothered by it. so i thought it was going to be the same thing with this woman.
my two year old is walking around an empty ichair near me and babbling (i promise it wasn’t loud, it is unacceptable behavior to be loud in a quiet setting) and telling me things like “star” and “circle”. this woman begins to huff and sigh and seem very irritated. i thought maybe it was the wait time since it was taking a good minute for either of us to be called back. then the woman kind of hissed “i can’t believe people let their kids act like that.” i asked her if she was annoyed by my kid and she said “yes, he’s so loud! he should be sitting quietly!” i told her “ma’am he’s 2, he’s not hurting anything or screaming, he isn’t near you” she got all huffy and told me “you need to be a better mom and control your son!” y’all i was floored. about that time we got called back so i just got his bag and him and went back. i’m not gonna lie, i really felt like crying. but it may be rude and out of line to let him walk around and talk about everything instead of trying to keep him in place. aita?
| 4,426 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xuu7a6/aita_for_letting_my_son_play_in_the_waiting_room/
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2022-10-03 20:16:51
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yta
&#x200b;
when he is sick, keep him close - you don't want him to infect others.
&#x200b;
and: this is a doctor's. you dont want him to catch something, either.
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yta. little germ factory. if they are sick they can infect everyone in that room. they can infect someone with a compromised immune system and get very sick. sit the kid down with an ipad or a phone. 🤷♀️
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yta... as a childfree person i understand that kids will be kids. but you were at a doctors office because he was sick. letting him run around and spreading his germs is gross. next i would just bring some quiet activities for him to do.
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what others don't realize is that some people sitting in the doctor's office waiting their turn are sometimes waiting to have their worst fears confirmed. a lot don't feel well, nervous awaiting test results, tired, apprehensive, etc.
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gentle yta i know how hard it is. years ago the doctor office had a small table and chairs and toys for kids. it was probably a petri dish of infection. i would not allow my kids to sit there and kept them next to me or in my lap. this was pre- cell phones so nothing to occupy my kids except paper pad and pencil. not fun. they were loud. what could i do? not much. i'm sure people hated us.
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yta
considering my husband nearly died two years ago from rsv complications, i would be miffed if i found out someone was letting their kid walk around the place and close to everyone.
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probably an unpopular opinion but esh. she had no right to go off at you that way but you are in a doctors office, where she could have any sickness where the smallest noise could be contributing to her reason for being there.
also, you have said in your edits that he also has rsv, not you fault for not knowing, but knowing he was sick you should have kept him with you.
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yta. doctor offices are not playgrounds. your child should not be wandering around babbling, even if it is "quietly" at least to you. sick children don't understand social distancing and tend to wipe hands and snot all over things and people. try taking a bag of toys and books to the doctor's office to keep your child occupied. my kids always preferred me reading the books. i would hold them and read out loud to them. next thing, i would have a gaggle of kids, sitting in a semicircle in front of my seat. the receptionist always told me they were sorry when we'd get called to see the doctor because the waiting room was much quieter while i read. and they commented about how smart i was to bring my kids own toys.
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yta
no one should be walking around a doctors office waiting room. i know making kids sit still is not always an easy task, but they shouldn't be wandering, you don't know what they have yet and they could be highly contagious, you also don't know who else was just in there spreading their germs around so it's best to remain in one place to reduce the likelihood of possible infections for all. i also think doctors offices with toys for the kids to play with is a very efficient way to give your kids exposure to every sickness ever possible all at once and makes me question the intelligence of all staff in a doctors office that does have such things. so good for your doctor for not having them.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: son is 2. we are at the doctor because i’m about 98% sure he has an ear infection. we go to a doctor’s office that doesn’t have any sort of play area or anywhere for kids to kind of hang around. we go here pretty frequently so my kids have the same sort of routine: you’re allowed to roam the room without bothering other people or yelling. they like to do typical kid things like walking in circles around empty chairs or looking at the art on the wall and tell me what shapes are there. there was only one other woman in the waiting room, she was probably about 50 yrs old. so while we are waiting my little son is doing his typical thing. now let me add that when there have been other people as long as he follows my rules they don’t seem to be bothered by it. so i thought it was going to be the same thing with this woman. my two year old is walking around an empty ichair near me and babbling (i promise it wasn’t loud, it is unacceptable behavior to be loud in a quiet setting) and telling me things like “star” and “circle”. this woman begins to huff and sigh and seem very irritated. i thought maybe it was the wait time since it was taking a good minute for either of us to be called back. then the woman kind of hissed “i can’t believe people let their kids act like that.” i asked her if she was annoyed by my kid and she said “yes, he’s so loud! he should be sitting quietly!” i told her “ma’am he’s 2, he’s not hurting anything or screaming, he isn’t near you” she got all huffy and told me “you need to be a better mom and control your son!” y’all i was floored. about that time we got called back so i just got his bag and him and went back. i’m not gonna lie, i really felt like crying. but it may be rude and out of line to let him walk around and talk about everything instead of trying to keep him in place. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
son is 2. we are at the doctor because i’m about 98% sure he has an ear infection. we go to a doctor’s office that doesn’t have any sort of play area or anywhere for kids to kind of hang around. we go here pretty frequently so my kids have the same sort of routine: you’re allowed to roam the room without bothering other people or yelling. they like to do typical kid things like walking in circles around empty chairs or looking at the art on the wall and tell me what shapes are there. there was only one other woman in the waiting room, she was probably about 50 yrs old. so while we are waiting my little son is doing his typical thing. now let me add that when there have been other people as long as he follows my rules they don’t seem to be bothered by it. so i thought it was going to be the same thing with this woman. my two year old is walking around an empty ichair near me and babbling (i promise it wasn’t loud, it is unacceptable behavior to be loud in a quiet setting) and telling me things like “star” and “circle”. this woman begins to huff and sigh and seem very irritated. i thought maybe it was the wait time since it was taking a good minute for either of us to be called back. then the woman kind of hissed “i can’t believe people let their kids act like that.” i asked her if she was annoyed by my kid and she said “yes, he’s so loud! he should be sitting quietly!” i told her “ma’am he’s 2, he’s not hurting anything or screaming, he isn’t near you” she got all huffy and told me “you need to be a better mom and control your son!” y’all i was floored. about that time we got called back so i just got his bag and him and went back. i’m not gonna lie, i really felt like crying. but it may be rude and out of line to let him walk around and talk about everything instead of trying to keep him in place. aita? [/INST] yta &#x200b; when he is sick, keep him close - you don't want him to infect others. &#x200b; and: this is a doctor's. you dont want him to catch something, either. </s>
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AITA for getting a paternity test on my son who doesn’t look like me?
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i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here.
i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy.
when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless.
when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine.
i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child.
i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine.
it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita?
| 11,143 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggkfdz/aita_for_getting_a_paternity_test_on_my_son_who/
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2020-05-09 18:11:07
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yta. she is absolutely not over reacting. you not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child. i mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children? it’s not always a perfect mocha mixture of both parents. you may get that, you may get a kid who is white as a vampire or as dark as wesley snipes. you really need to suck it up and beg for forgiveness and then you need to fix that ignorant way of thinking that you have. your son is going to need you. being a black man in this world is not easy.
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my biggest problem with your whole story is this:
>she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were.
>
>i still took care of him.
which entirely contradicts this:
>i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me.
you didn't treat your children equally. for five years a significant part of you believed your son wasn't yours. you really think that didn't affect your parenting? your son is young enough that you'll probably be able to undo any damage, but you're refusing to accept that it had any effect on your parenting when it clearly did.
no, you shouldn't have doubted your wife. but most of all, this suspicion of yours that was based on nothing except his skin colour (which might very well lighten a bit when he grows up, btw, maybe your wife was darker when she was a baby) affected the way you treated your son. that's what makes yta. your child didn't do anything to deserve that. you should feel guilty for treating him so unfairly and you should accept your wife's criticism of you, because she's not overreacting. this might wreck your marriage because it goes to the heart of a very basic trust that needs to exist between you and your wife as partners, but also between you and your wife as parents. she needs to be able to trust that you won't love your daughter and hate your son, just because you see more of yourself in your daughter.
you should try to repair the damage you did. admit your faults and you might have a chance of keeping your family together.
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yta - if you had doubts to the point where your relationship with your child is being affected, why did you wait 2 years to do so? instead, for 2 years you let skin color become a barrier between you and your son. not only that, but it also made you doubt your wife. there's so much online you could have used to educate yourself about genetics, you could have easily learned that white and black isn't going to make mocha 100% of the time. additionally, when you decided to get a paternity test, why did you not tell your wife? why didn't you just tell her that you wanted ease of mind? also, did it ever occur to you to discuss any of your feelings with her at all?
side note, your side of the family is shitty. they didn't bond with your daughter better because they knew she was yours, it was because she was lightskin and your son was not.
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you married a black woman and for some reason got confused one of your children ended up black, please take a hs level biology course, something. yta.
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yta. yeah, your marriage is over. you neglected your son for years because you couldn't be bothered to do some research on genetics and just assumed your mixed race kids would automatically look like the stereotype in your head. it was racist and paranoid and also led you to be a bad father. why would she still want to be married to you?
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yta.
1. if you had suspicions, you should have discussed with your wife first. you went behind her back to get a paternity test, which is definitely a big no in my view.
2. you waited so long to clear your suspicions, you did not bond with your son, thereby making him feel left out.
3. before resolving your suspicions, you went for a second kid. your oldest must have clearly felt his father showing differences in how he treats his two kids.
4. you felt guilty of your actions and revealed the test to your wife. if you were really that self righteous, you would have not gone behind her back. now you clearly disrupted your wife’s trust too. i don’t think she will ever forgive you for that.
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yta. you let yourself fester quietly for five years and (whether you realize it or not) likely hurt your wife and son in the process, then got the paternity test done in secret after your daughter came out looking like every hollywood mixed baby. whether you did it knowingly or not, the idea that the lighter-colored child was not only yours but proof that your darker-skinned son is someone else's kid is rooted in racist ideology. yta for so far refusing to do the introspection necessary to figure this one out.
you're also ta for the way you're dismissing your wife's response to what you've done and why.
first: instead of being open and honest about your concern from the beginning (with more than "light comments" about the boy's skin color), you kept quiet and essentially punished both your wife and your son with what sounds like a much chillier attitude than the one your daughter got.
second: you got the paternity test done in secret, and only went to your wife after you had made certain whether or not the boy is in fact yours. instead of giving her the chance to prove herself to you, you waited until you could confront or present her with the truth. that's a coward's solution.
third: having already received those results and being relieved to have been wrong about your son, you seem to have expected your wife to immediately share in your joy and have absolutely no upset whatsoever. that isn't fair to her. she's her own human being, and she's just discovered the guy she chose to sleep with, have children with, and marry hasn't trusted her at all these last five years. she has every right to be hurt, and to express that hurt in whatever way she needs to - even if that includes leaving you behind.
fourth: there are a lot of racist stereotypes involving interracial couples. the darker-skinned baby being born to white parents "joke" is only one of them. most if not all of those stereotypes center in on the extremely racist idea that black people are sexually promiscuous, disloyal, and only ever seek to take advantage of white people. it is extremely likely that your wife has been on the receiving end of a lot of comments rooted in those stereotypes - probably a lot more than you will ever know. and now, you've just proven to her that she has no ally in you. you tested your son because he was so much darker than your daughter. you let yourself doubt your wife's loyalty to you for five years rather than trying to have an actual, serious conversation with her. the "man" she chose is no better than anyone else who has ever had a hurtful thing to say about your relationship. do you have any idea the amount of pain and betrayal she has to be feeling right now?
how dare you? truly, honestly, how dare you? how dare you do this and expect her to be okay? how dare you do this and come running to a sea of strangers to validate you when it rightfully blows up in your face? you need to do a good deal of soul searching and find a way to try to make this better - and not for your sake.
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lemme fix that last sentence. "i don't understand why thinking my wife was a cheater for a couple years, not defending her to my family, going behind her back, emotionally distancing from my son while loving my lighter-skin daughter, and ruining wife's perfect image of our relationship to alleviate my own guilt is wrecking my marriage."
i don't know that i would call you racist, but maybe colorism going on in the back of your mind and your friends/family. it sounds more like you are really ignorant of how genetics work, and let your family's gossip sway you into thinking the child could not be yours due to your son coming out a bit darker. you need to give her space so she can calm down while she is thinking all this through. it is also probably shocking to hear colorism is going on in her own household. look up marriage counselors. when your wife is ready to talk, don't make excuses for yourself. let her know you want to fix your marriage and are ready to go to counseling, ask for forgiveness *without* excuses.
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yta. you didn't communicate any of this to your wife until after the fact. you even admitted to being able to bond with your child because you were sure she's yours. that's just terrible for your son. you do realise that everyone can come a little darker or lighter than their parents (genetics as you seem to have learned). you let this build up against a damn baby. major yta. your family is also ta.
you don't even realise what you did
1. doubted your son was yours.
2. doubted your wife was loyal to you.
3. never communicated these doubts to her.
4. let your family also question if the child was yours
5. let the resentment build up until your relief that the next child looked like you
6. waited until the second child to secretly get a paternity test behind your wife's back.
7. confessed all of this after the fact to your wife and expected her not to get mad.
you have so many issues tangled into one situation, i'm not surprised she's looking at you differently.
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hi biracial kid here. my dad was very dark skinned, my mom is very pale. other than full lips and a wide nose i look white.
i have two half sisters. same dark skinned father, different but very pale mothers. my sisters look like light skinned black women.
it's all about genetics my dude...but you...yta here and a racist against your own child.
enjoy your divorce.
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here. i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy. when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless. when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine. i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child. i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine. it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i posted this on r/relationship_advice but it was removed because apparently it belongs here. i’m a 29 year old white guy. my wife is 30 and black. we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. my wife got pregnant with our son early in our relationship. we had only been together a year. we got married because she got pregnant. fortunately for us, we are actually happy. when my son was born i accepted him as mine. however, i couldn’t help noticing how little he looked like me. he is noticeably darker than my wife. he doesn’t look half white. my family and friends have asked if i’m sure he’s mine. i had doubts, but i initially decided to trust my wife. i loved my son regardless. when our son was 2, my wife had our daughter. i had no doubt she’s mine. she looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. i never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours. i bonded with her easier because there wasn’t the question of paternity dangling over our heads. my family bonded with her faster too. her resemblance to me convinced me that my son is not mine. i tried to always treat them equally as i see them both as my children. but i realized i was beginning to resent my son. it felt unfair that i had to care for someone else’s child. i also began to resent my wife because i felt she had betrayed me. i finally got a paternity test in secret. i was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. genetics are weird. anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically. i feel much closer to him now that i know he’s mine. my wife and i have been so happy that we were talking about a third child. i confessed to my wife i got a paternity test. i hated keeping the secret and i thought she would understand given how much he doesn’t look like me. she flipped out. she asked me if i ever doubted our daughter, and when i said no she called me racist. it’s not true. i didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, i just knew she was mine. she also said that i made our son feel unloved for no reason for all those years. i said that’s bull. even when i didn’t believe my son was mine, i treated him as though he were. my wife says she wants to move out and take our children after the quarantine. it’s been about a week and a half and i’m still on the sofa. i hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. she’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark. she barely talks to me unless it’s about the kids. i don’t want to lose my family. here’s where i turn to you, reddit. is it so awful that i had doubts? i still took care of him. i don’t understand why something like this is wrecking my marriage. i think she is overreacting. so, aita? [/INST] yta. she is absolutely not over reacting. you not only did not trust your wife, you let your ignorance get in the way of you bonding with your child. i mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children? it’s not always a perfect mocha mixture of both parents. you may get that, you may get a kid who is white as a vampire or as dark as wesley snipes. you really need to suck it up and beg for forgiveness and then you need to fix that ignorant way of thinking that you have. your son is going to need you. being a black man in this world is not easy. </s>
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AITA for kicking my entire family out at 1 am on Christmas Eve after they showed up unannounced?
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merry christmas everyone. throwaway bc i don’t want family drama affiliated w my main account lmao
context: i’m (29m) my husband is (27m) and we have a 2 year old son. i lost touch with my family in my early 20s after coming out. they reached out right after my son was born talking about joys of family and can we reconnect they wanna be grandparents and all. we’ve been very slowly building our relationship but they have no concept of boundaries so it’s not been going so well. that’s a long ass story. only reason they call/visit now is to see baby and be salty to me.
they live five hours away and they asked me to visit for family christmas so they can see baby. i said no we are in a pandemic tf they said well can we come over and see baby i said .. no that’s the same thing.
they showed up anyway w no notice. my mom, dad, sister, bil, brother, sil, their kids etc. literally 9 people. their plan was to stay over and have baby spend christmas with his cousins to make memories. we live in a three bedroom house. obviously fuck no for many reasons. they got here round 1am, i immediately was like leave. they said it’s snowing outside it’s night visibility is shit where will we go i said idc leave. there was a whole fit they made husband cry woke baby up then baby cried , talking about it’s christmas eve hell its already christmas now it’s family you can’t do this where will we go. i kicked them out anyway i had to threaten to call the cops which i admit was dramatic.
baby was up until 5 am after crying then dancing on our heads. i haven’t slept at all and guilt is setting in a bit because i keep thinking, where would they have gone there’s no hotels on christmas are there, it was night it was snowing what if smth bad happened. but a part of me is also mad as hell. i keep going back and forth. maybe it’s cos i haven’t slept at all.
| 19,021 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kk0f3m/aita_for_kicking_my_entire_family_out_at_1_am_on/
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2020-12-25 15:08:29
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nta
that’s a huge boundary stomp and ridiculous expectations. they woke you up at 1 am demanding you let them stay the night at your house and were being disrespectful
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nta. you feel bad about turning away the kids they brought because you’re a compassionate person. but that’s why they brought little kids to your door at 1am: so you’d have no choice but to let them in. they used the kids to manipulate you. you did the right thing.
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nta
wtf? you can’t spring up on someone like that especially during a goddamn pandemic. that could not only put them in danger, but your little baby who is still building up their immune system. they kinda did it to themselves to come at 1 am without getting permission to
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nta if they didn't plan on you saying no then they didn't plan well. especially after you said no at least twice
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nta, they clearly didn't care enough to respect you when you said "no" the first few times they asked, and they just assumed that you'd *have* to let them stay if they just *showed up*.
your house isn't even big enough for that many people, what were they expecting
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nta you’ve set boundaries which they’ve continuously stormed over. you told them that no they couldn’t stay over when they asked after already telling them no, you wouldn’t visit them due to the pandemic and they chose to ignore you so that’s on them. the fact that they still had the audacity to show up at 1 am with the entire family of 9 and threw a tantrum when told to leave is still on them. they’ve shown you time and time again that what you say doesn’t matter to them and now they get to deal with the consequences of their actions. next time they pull the but we are his grandparents stunt tell them that being a grandparent is a privilege and not a given right and if they are continuously going to disrespect you as your sons father then they’ve only got themselves to blame for no relationship with your son, as he doesn’t need to see his fathers being disrespected by people just because they are family. merry christmas to your little family of 3.
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nta, no one should show up unannounced. period. add in the fact it's 3am, a holiday, and during a pandemic. tf. given your already strained relationship and the fact that you already discussed this and explicitly said no, i don't see how any of this could possibly be your fault. i feel bad for the kids as well, but their parents/grandparents put them in the situation, not you.
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nta.
they seem to not care about the relationship with you but just the baby. they only want to be salty and visit the baby. like wtf is that?
and no, respect people's space and privacy. i will not answer the door if you didnt get my okay to come over.
hoping you can find some peace today.
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nta!!!
probably not every single adult who showed you thought that was a good idea when they started, but they were swayed by the boundary stompers. there's no way to teach everybody a lesson expect the way you did: keep saying no until it sinks in.
today, get some sleep. but in the future, you need to have clear and explicit talks with every adult who showed up, preferably separately. get across a simple message: "you each need to ask me and have permission to come to my house. period. no exceptions." don't get bogged down in talking about what happened, find a simple way to tell your side and say "i had already clearly said no to mom multiple times. if she lied to you about that or thought it would be a good surprise and you believed her without checking independently with me, that's something you need to work out with her." if there's pushback, you keep turning it back: " i'm sorry that you chose to load up your kids for a trip where you knew you weren't invited or welcome or even checked if i was ok. that's a decision you made and one i hope you won't make again."
put the responsibility back on tas where it belongs. and try to build relationship, even just checking in, with everyone separately so your mom can't just control information about you to the rest of the family.
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nta so hard! like wtf. showing up unannounced at 1am??!! 9 people ??!! they did a terrible thing to you and your husband and child. they ruined your christmas. you should go no contact for a while until they apologize. i am so sorry they did this to you. did they think you would be happy about this???!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: merry christmas everyone. throwaway bc i don’t want family drama affiliated w my main account lmao context: i’m (29m) my husband is (27m) and we have a 2 year old son. i lost touch with my family in my early 20s after coming out. they reached out right after my son was born talking about joys of family and can we reconnect they wanna be grandparents and all. we’ve been very slowly building our relationship but they have no concept of boundaries so it’s not been going so well. that’s a long ass story. only reason they call/visit now is to see baby and be salty to me. they live five hours away and they asked me to visit for family christmas so they can see baby. i said no we are in a pandemic tf they said well can we come over and see baby i said .. no that’s the same thing. they showed up anyway w no notice. my mom, dad, sister, bil, brother, sil, their kids etc. literally 9 people. their plan was to stay over and have baby spend christmas with his cousins to make memories. we live in a three bedroom house. obviously fuck no for many reasons. they got here round 1am, i immediately was like leave. they said it’s snowing outside it’s night visibility is shit where will we go i said idc leave. there was a whole fit they made husband cry woke baby up then baby cried , talking about it’s christmas eve hell its already christmas now it’s family you can’t do this where will we go. i kicked them out anyway i had to threaten to call the cops which i admit was dramatic. baby was up until 5 am after crying then dancing on our heads. i haven’t slept at all and guilt is setting in a bit because i keep thinking, where would they have gone there’s no hotels on christmas are there, it was night it was snowing what if smth bad happened. but a part of me is also mad as hell. i keep going back and forth. maybe it’s cos i haven’t slept at all.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
merry christmas everyone. throwaway bc i don’t want family drama affiliated w my main account lmao context: i’m (29m) my husband is (27m) and we have a 2 year old son. i lost touch with my family in my early 20s after coming out. they reached out right after my son was born talking about joys of family and can we reconnect they wanna be grandparents and all. we’ve been very slowly building our relationship but they have no concept of boundaries so it’s not been going so well. that’s a long ass story. only reason they call/visit now is to see baby and be salty to me. they live five hours away and they asked me to visit for family christmas so they can see baby. i said no we are in a pandemic tf they said well can we come over and see baby i said .. no that’s the same thing. they showed up anyway w no notice. my mom, dad, sister, bil, brother, sil, their kids etc. literally 9 people. their plan was to stay over and have baby spend christmas with his cousins to make memories. we live in a three bedroom house. obviously fuck no for many reasons. they got here round 1am, i immediately was like leave. they said it’s snowing outside it’s night visibility is shit where will we go i said idc leave. there was a whole fit they made husband cry woke baby up then baby cried , talking about it’s christmas eve hell its already christmas now it’s family you can’t do this where will we go. i kicked them out anyway i had to threaten to call the cops which i admit was dramatic. baby was up until 5 am after crying then dancing on our heads. i haven’t slept at all and guilt is setting in a bit because i keep thinking, where would they have gone there’s no hotels on christmas are there, it was night it was snowing what if smth bad happened. but a part of me is also mad as hell. i keep going back and forth. maybe it’s cos i haven’t slept at all. [/INST] nta that’s a huge boundary stomp and ridiculous expectations. they woke you up at 1 am demanding you let them stay the night at your house and were being disrespectful </s>
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