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AITA for setting a "pee trap" for my wife?
|
hello everyone. i'm a 39 year old man and am married to a 31 year old woman. first, sorry about the "pee trap" terminology - her words, not mine.
ever since my wife and i were just dating, she tried to be very insistent that i sit down to urinate. i do not want to sit down to urinate, and so i do not. frankly i don't think it's any of her business how i pee anyway.
for years now, and especially lately, every time she goes to the bathroom she does this crazy-eyed thing where she looks down at the floor, groans, and then pulls out paper towels and cleaning spray to wipe it up. i do not pee on the floor and never have, but she calls it "splash mountain" regularly. recently i had something of a revelation when, as usual, we were having an argument about this topic, and she said that all men pee on the floor every time they go to the restroom. it seems like she is outright hellbent on proving a point.
anyway, the other day, i had had enough. i went to the restroom, stood over the toilet for a minute, closed, the lid, and flushed. then i called her in. i asked her to point at where i had peed because i'm trying to change my behavior, and in a couple of seconds she pointed at a spot and said "there."
the spot was clean. i hadn't used the bathroom since the day before. i told her as much, and she got incredibly upset. she said i set a "pee trap" and that what i did was really mean to her. then she insisted that every time i go to the bathroom, i pee on the floor again.
i've had enough. i think she's just trying to get out of the fact that i caught her in her crap, but she has doubled down on her behavior and is completely convinced i'm a relentless asshole.
am i? i don't think i did anything wrong all things considered.
| 18,570 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k8xy28/aita_for_setting_a_pee_trap_for_my_wife/
|
2020-12-08 05:03:22
|
nta your wife has been trying to start problems where there aren’t any just to get you to pee a certain way. unless you’re lying and actually have been peeing on the floor that’s super weird and slightly controlling of her.
|
oooo urine trouble now.
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nta. this is not normal behavior. she should really talk to someone.
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nta. mind you, my doctor told me i had to sit down to pee because i'm not allowed to lift anything heavy!
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do you clean the bathroom as well or is that solely her job? if you don't clean the bathroom, then sitting to pee would show respect for your wife.
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pee does in fact splash up, you don't have to miss the bowl for there to be pee on the floor. has no one in the comments cleaned a bathroom?
yta for making her clean up after you, not for standing or your dumb prank.
|
info: how often do you clean the bathroom?
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info: do you clean the toilet or does she?
i'm tending towards yta. just fyi, i'm male and unfortunately i gotta tell you, if you pee standing up, there will always be splash outside of the toilet no matter how accurate you think you are.
your 'pee trap' doesn't prove anything because you were leading her. maybe if you'd asked her if she could see if you used the toilet or not she'd have gotten it right. maybe the spot she pointed out was from your last session.
anyways, if you're the one who cleans the toilet you're good, but if not then yes, you're a major a. you make your wife, who ist the love of your life, clean your pee on a daily basis; i'd be embarrassed by that. it isn't so hard to sit down you know.
|
why not clean the bathroom as one of your chores with the exchange that you can pee however you want?
most if not all guys splatter pee around sometimes but who cares if you clean it up?
nta
|
nta and this is really weird. are you sure nothing else is going on because this doesn't sound like it's necessarily about the "pee" on the floor.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello everyone. i'm a 39 year old man and am married to a 31 year old woman. first, sorry about the "pee trap" terminology - her words, not mine. ever since my wife and i were just dating, she tried to be very insistent that i sit down to urinate. i do not want to sit down to urinate, and so i do not. frankly i don't think it's any of her business how i pee anyway. for years now, and especially lately, every time she goes to the bathroom she does this crazy-eyed thing where she looks down at the floor, groans, and then pulls out paper towels and cleaning spray to wipe it up. i do not pee on the floor and never have, but she calls it "splash mountain" regularly. recently i had something of a revelation when, as usual, we were having an argument about this topic, and she said that all men pee on the floor every time they go to the restroom. it seems like she is outright hellbent on proving a point. anyway, the other day, i had had enough. i went to the restroom, stood over the toilet for a minute, closed, the lid, and flushed. then i called her in. i asked her to point at where i had peed because i'm trying to change my behavior, and in a couple of seconds she pointed at a spot and said "there." the spot was clean. i hadn't used the bathroom since the day before. i told her as much, and she got incredibly upset. she said i set a "pee trap" and that what i did was really mean to her. then she insisted that every time i go to the bathroom, i pee on the floor again. i've had enough. i think she's just trying to get out of the fact that i caught her in her crap, but she has doubled down on her behavior and is completely convinced i'm a relentless asshole. am i? i don't think i did anything wrong all things considered.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello everyone. i'm a 39 year old man and am married to a 31 year old woman. first, sorry about the "pee trap" terminology - her words, not mine. ever since my wife and i were just dating, she tried to be very insistent that i sit down to urinate. i do not want to sit down to urinate, and so i do not. frankly i don't think it's any of her business how i pee anyway. for years now, and especially lately, every time she goes to the bathroom she does this crazy-eyed thing where she looks down at the floor, groans, and then pulls out paper towels and cleaning spray to wipe it up. i do not pee on the floor and never have, but she calls it "splash mountain" regularly. recently i had something of a revelation when, as usual, we were having an argument about this topic, and she said that all men pee on the floor every time they go to the restroom. it seems like she is outright hellbent on proving a point. anyway, the other day, i had had enough. i went to the restroom, stood over the toilet for a minute, closed, the lid, and flushed. then i called her in. i asked her to point at where i had peed because i'm trying to change my behavior, and in a couple of seconds she pointed at a spot and said "there." the spot was clean. i hadn't used the bathroom since the day before. i told her as much, and she got incredibly upset. she said i set a "pee trap" and that what i did was really mean to her. then she insisted that every time i go to the bathroom, i pee on the floor again. i've had enough. i think she's just trying to get out of the fact that i caught her in her crap, but she has doubled down on her behavior and is completely convinced i'm a relentless asshole. am i? i don't think i did anything wrong all things considered. [/INST] nta your wife has been trying to start problems where there aren’t any just to get you to pee a certain way. unless you’re lying and actually have been peeing on the floor that’s super weird and slightly controlling of her. </s>
|
AITA for taking back the beer I bought for a party from which I was uninvited?
|
this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women.
on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card.
i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!"
7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24.
i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place.
she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room.
now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here?
| 39,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hd12gs/aita_for_taking_back_the_beer_i_bought_for_a/
|
2020-06-21 05:00:14
|
nta. blatantly.
how did she expect this to go?
you'd happily go buy her beer, then take it to the party, then leave, without partying or drinking your beer?
they have to all be a bit cracked in the head if they believe that was ever going to work.
i'd take a snapchat of me pouring that down a toilet before i ever gave it to them.
im so sorry this happened to you. i hope you can move past what a nasty piece of work this girl (not woman) is.
|
nta; i would have loved to see her face when you took the beer with you. good for you.
|
i originally commented asking for more information but decided it really didn’t matter. nta.
to be completely honest it kinda sounds like you weren’t actually invited, she just asked if you would get her beer for the night. that being said, it’s definitely an ah move for her to reach out to you after a long period of time, seemingly out of the blue just to ask you to break the law for her and to not even invite you to the party after??
from my understanding, you bought the beer with your own money so you’re absolutely not in the wrong for taking it with you once you realized you weren’t being invited to the party. you didn’t yell at her, call her names or do anything rude, just took your beer and left. i actually don’t think you could have handled this better than you did. if there was a stronger judgment than nta, i’d give it to you!
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nta. and then she has the audacity to call you the dick?
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fyi, if you have a decent skillet, you can cook some bratwurst in those beers, cook down the remaining liquid into a syrup, and add it to some mustard for a really tasty meal.
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wtf this can’t be real. i hope it’s not real. i’m really sorry if it’s real.
nta and high five to you for taking the beer. (sorry it’s budweiser though... maybe try to return the unopened case?)
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nta and this is actually a victory story. she should be ashamed.
call up some friends and play a drinking game, maybe call it a mexi beach party and throw together tacos and make some cheladas with that beer so it's more palatable (or any other beer cocktail)..
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totally in the right...and it might be hard to believe or even hear but trust me...you're way better off teaching that...person...a lesson. chug that shit beer in good health but drink a bunch of water to keep from getting those wicked bud hangovers.
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nta - good for you for standing up for yourself. enjoy the buds with some actual friends and never speak to this awful girl again.
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nta. this girl sucks.
on another note, anyone actually enjoy budweiser?
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women. on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card. i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!" 7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24. i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place. she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room. now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened just a few hours ago. i am a 19 year old man and the people calling me an asshole are 18 year old men and women. on thursday, a person i had a major crush on in high school (but who rejected me) messaged me out of the blue. she had never contacted me without my contacting her first, and at one point i realized she had had me blocked on social media, and so i found it odd that she was suddenly being friendly. after sending a couple of greetings/questions about how i've been, she said that she was going to have some people over and wanted to know if i would get the beer. the drinking age where we are is 19, and she and the people who were going to chill were all 18. the liquor stores in my area all card. i thought it was silly that my being a month older meant i could buy liquor and they couldn't, and so i said i would love to go. she said "thanks, i'll pick you up at seven!" 7 o'clock rolled around, and she texted me to say she was in front of my house. i went out dressed and ready to chill with some people, and she drove me to the liquor store. when we got there, i asked what beer she wanted me to get, and she told me to get budweiser. i hid my disappointment as well as i could, but it was her party so i went in and bought two cases of 24. i got back in the car and said "let's party," and she was eerily quiet. i noticed that she wasn't driving towards her neighborhood, but rather back towards mine. i thought she had moved or something, but didn't want to press the issue. when she turned down my street i finally figured it out. she was being purposefully vague about the invitation because she wanted me to get the beer, but she wanted a way out when she told me i wasn't actually invited in the first place. she stopped in front of my house, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thanks!" in her best voice. i deadpanned her and asked when she was going to tell me i wasn't invited. she feigned surprise and said that she never intended to invite me in the first place. i sat in silence for a long awkward minute, picked up the beer, and walked towards my front door. she got out of her car and frantically tried to reinvite me to the party, but i told her that what she did was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. i opened my front door, slammed it a bit too hard, and came back to my room. now i'm sitting here drinking absolutely unpalatable piss water, and i have text messages from all of her friends and her asking me why i'm being such a dick. i don't think i'm the asshole for reacting the way i did, but if you haven't figured it out i'm not amazing socially so i'm not sure. am i here? [/INST] nta. blatantly. how did she expect this to go? you'd happily go buy her beer, then take it to the party, then leave, without partying or drinking your beer? they have to all be a bit cracked in the head if they believe that was ever going to work. i'd take a snapchat of me pouring that down a toilet before i ever gave it to them. im so sorry this happened to you. i hope you can move past what a nasty piece of work this girl (not woman) is. </s>
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AITA: For uninviting my sister to my wedding for what she told my fiancèe?
|
my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident.
my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive
comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.
our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started:
my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left.
in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.
| 23,419 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kspqdi/aita_for_uninviting_my_sister_to_my_wedding_for/
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2021-01-07 23:27:57
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nta. uninvite anyone who insults your fiancee, imo
|
~~^(my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident.)~~
~~^(my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however)~~. **my sister made** ~~^(comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.)~~
~~^(our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started. my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic if conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my with this entitled attitude if hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left.)~~
~~^(in exactly an hour. my mom and add called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i invited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any ")~~**unnecessary**~~^(")~~ **drama** ~~^(at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again)~~.
**nta**
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nta. your mom is ridiculous to suggest your fiancée needs to compromise with anyone on her wedding dress.
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what a small person your sister is. your fiancee's burn scar is a badge of courage. i work in surgery, and i've done many many burn reconstructions ... that is no easy road to go down, and your fiancee should be praised for going through all that and coming out the other side with her gracious nature intact.
your sister owes you and your fiancee a huge apology. your mother can offer one as well. this 'eww' factor is childish and reprehensible.
nta, at all.
|
nta! i am a burn survivor my scars are on my chest and upper arm, i can't begin to explain the mental toll that these so called helpful comments have on a person. i have had people pull my blouse closed over my scars "because they were showing" or suggest what i should and shouldn't wear because of them. i have had comments about how at least it didn't damage my face and i can hide my scars. it took years to be okay with my scars.
what your family is doing is abusive and psychologically damaging. your sister is not being helpful she is being cruel and your parents need a huge wake up call if they think this cruelty is acceptable. you are right to put your foot down and not allow your sister or anyone else to abuse your fiancé under the guise of being helpful.
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nta- um, why the fuck would they think they can tell the bride to wear anything over her dress?! especially as a “compromise”?! ummmmmmm who are they to dictate?! this makes me boil that they feel they can tell her to cover up her scar. jesus. disgusting.
|
nta.
you and your fiancé are the only people with the right to invite or uninvite someone. and it’s not for your mother to offer a compromise on something that’s nothing to do with her or your sister.
the best lesson i ever learned in my life was to put clear boundaries of when my family get a say in something in my life. and that boundary is never. cause it’s my life, not theirs.
nta.
|
nta
if your fiancée wants to wear a spaghetti strap wedding dress, then she has every right to.
those who think it’s ok to gossip and make derogatory comments (including your sister) about her scar need a good look at themselves.
your sister isn’t looking out for your fiancée, she’s looking out for herself because she is embarrassed “on behalf of your fiancée” who doesn’t care about it herself.
side note: i think you mean *concealer*
|
nta. your sister was being malicious and hateful, not “helpful”. your mother further compounded the problem by suggesting your fiancé is “allowed” to keep the dress she selected if she covers it up with a shawl? your fiancé’s bodily autonomy is not a debate or democracy. your family was not asked for and does not get a vote. most importantly, nobody should be present at a wedding when they don’t actually accept the person being married for who they are - scar or no scar.
|
nta.
if your sister is so upset about the scar that she feels the need to argue with the bride over the wedding dress, then she should absolutely not be welcome. at this rate she'd would definitely make comments about it at the wedding, and doesn't see how inappropriate that is.
your mother's suggestion to "compromise" is rude as fuck too.
thank you for being so supportive of your fiancee. i'm sure it's one of the many reasons she loves you! congrats btw!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident. my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family. our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started: my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left. in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my m27 fiancèe f25 has an obvious permanent burnscar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. my fiancèe had a long recovery it's been 7 years. the scar is on her collarbone. it goes down her chest but isn't showing. unless she's wearing scoop/square tops. she often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. she puts this cream i don't know what ladies call it but it's supposed to tone skin color or something? i'm not sure but my fiancèe calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. i absolutely adore her she's pretty, smart, ambitious and the list goes on. what happened was unfortunate and i'm glad she's at peace with herself and more confident. my family love her. how can they not. she's a member of the family. my mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. however. my sister made comments about my fiancèe's scar several times. i've called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. i told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family. our wedding is in february. my fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. this is where the issue started: my fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. i didn't see it but i was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. my fiancèe likes this stuff. anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should've gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. she argued with my fiancèe about it. i went to my family's house and i confronted her. i yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a "proper" one so that guests won't focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip. i told her that she's not invited to our wedding. she isn't welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. we argued for half an hour then i left. in exactly an hour. my mom and dad called and berated me saying my sister was crying after i uninvited her and that i had no right to univinte her. she's my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any "unnecessary" drama at the wedding. my mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. i stopped responding to my mom's calls and texts after that. family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests. [/INST] nta. uninvite anyone who insults your fiancee, imo </s>
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AITA for telling my sister to stop coming to me to complain about what my husband says to her?
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my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway.
last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him.
it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me.
neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita?
| 8,725 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x5vsse/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_coming_to_me/
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2022-09-04 19:43:37
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yta
tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues.
what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him.
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yta. both you and your husband. a match made in heaven.
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yta.
fertility issues are incredibly personal and your husband has absolutely *no place* "dishing it out" as you call it over something so personal and sensitive. and yes, she is sensitive. it's a sensitive topic and you should be absolutely ashamed of your husband's abhorrent behavior. he is being a cruel, vindictive bully who needs to learn that every little thought that passes through his bully brain doesn't need to come out of his mouth. furthermore, him specifically targeting your sister says he actually *wants* to be cruel and hurtful to her. and you enable him!
"oh don't come to me about his behavior." why *shouldn't* she? you married the oaf. he's your responsibility!
or... are you just happy that when your sister is around, he's not being a cruel, vindictive bully to *you*?
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[removed]
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[removed]
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yta you did bring him into the family. it has been your job to shut him down and remove him from family events when he offers his insulting comments right from the minute you started dating him. you are enabling him. if you cannot get him to shut up, then you need to leave you ah husband at home. you are both insufferable and i've no idea why your family hasn't cut you both out years ago.
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yta, and so is your insensitive, cruel husband.
yes, you absolutely should be telling your husband to knock that crap off. wtf is wrong with the two of you?!? your husband should apologize to your sister immediately, and cut that crap out immediately & permanently.
did your sister *ask* for your husband's advice or input? no. he wasn't "giving his honest opinion", because he wasn't asked for his opinion. he was tormenting your sister, and has been for quite some time. you need to stop enabling him by giving him a pass & defending his horrible behavior, and he needs to either stfu, or stay away from other people, if he can't speak to people like a normal human being.
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yta and so is your husband. altho who doesn’t love the tired trope of “just being honest” to excuse being cruel for no reason.
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yta
what's going on that your husband is so interested in your sister's fertility? this is gross. just gross. ew.
your sister can say she's looking at ivf, and then your husband can say nothing.
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yta and so is your husband. he is not giving his honest opinion, he is being a bully. and you are defending and enabling him.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? [/INST] yta tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues. what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him. </s>
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AITA - Telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship
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i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers.
because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college.
i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle.
my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
| 47,559 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9pm5u/aita_telling_my_parents_to_pay_me_back_my_college/
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2020-08-14 16:53:59
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nta.
hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to.
as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child.
never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers.
&#x200b;
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nta thats a generic 'sorry you're upset non apology. they are just around now because they want to influence the baby.
the 100k ask is fair if they have the means to pay it.
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wow.
i would typically say that you would be the ah, because expecting money from family is never a good thing but i am making an exception here.
no, you're nta. being singled out like that because you are a woman is gross, and it's terribly unfair that your brothers got a free ride and you didn't for that one fact.
good on you though, for making your own way in spite of them.
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nta.
i’m proud of you, by the way. despite your upbringing you persevered. keep staying strong and standing your ground.
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sorry your family sucks, but honestly fuck them, your brothers most of all for being so entitled while simultaneously giving you shit for wanting what they got for free. nta
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nta
your parents unfortunately can't prove that they're sorry because they aren't.
tell your brothers "you know what else is immature and hurtful? sexism, parental neglect, and forcing your child into debt."
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nta, your parents treated you terribly due to your gender and their archaic ideas of gender roles. when given the chance to apologize they couldnt be bothered to provide a sincere one.
should you realistically expect 100k, no, but the fact they are not even willing to try to make amends is ridiculous.
nobody is entitled to a "forgive and forget" situation, so if your not willing to do so that's a valid choice.
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nta
only showing up now to "save" their grandchilds soul. they just wanna push their crap onto the next generation.
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[deleted]
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hi op--just want to say i don't think you're being an asshole here given all the pain & hardship your family put you through just so you could ensure you had a baseline successful life. but there's still space for forgiveness and a renewed relationship if you're open to it:
* ask them to fund a 529 for your child to help fund their college education. asking for 100k, due immediately, tells them they owe you a debt (which they do)--but there's more than one way to pay it off. obviously this is more meaningful if you have a daughter, but it gives you proof that they're serious
* ensure that, if they're to have a relationship with their grandkid, they keep all their sexist bs out of it
sometimes the best way to change people and show them they were wrong is to bring them to your side, and show by example, instead of keeping them away. you're justified if you don't want to open up this relationship again, but there might be room to repair something. best of luck with the little one on the way :)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was raised by parents who believed (religiously and just culturally) in rigid gender roles. dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. i’m the only girl and have 3 brothers. because of their expectation i’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills. i’m the second youngest. by the time i was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off campus apartment and other living expenses. they eventually did the same for my younger brother. i was told i wasn’t allowed to apply for college. i did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. i didn’t tell them i was moving out until a week before i left, with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. i took engineering, and had to work, take on debt and struggle. my parents and i have barely spoken for years. i’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. we met at a park, and they said they were “sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now. i asked them specifically what they were sorry for. they wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. i said that wasn’t sufficient. in the end, i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100k my degree and college expenses were, just like they did for my brothers. my mom burst into tears, my dad said i wasn’t being serious and i just left. since then, i’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me i’m being immature and hurtful. i don’t think so at all. [/INST] nta. hi from another engineer from a family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to. as far as i can see, your answer to them was perfect. it was very fair, and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues, they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money. since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry, you don't want them around your child. never, ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence. no exceptions. that includes your bigoted brothers. &#x200b; </s>
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WIBTA if I stopped going to family therapy?
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i wasn't the perfect father, but goddamn. the way my daughter (alana, 26) talks about me in therapy, you'd think i'd never done anything good for her at all. i get it. i fucked up. but it's like i told the therapist when he asked me how my daughter's words made me feel: "i'm not trying to shift any blame, but my wife is right here and my daughter hasn't said one bad word about her this entire time. is this goijg to be family therapy or bash dad for an hour and forty-five minutes every week?"
he told me that, that uncomfortable feeling i felt and that frustration was how my daughter has been feeling for all these years. and i told him, "i get that, that's why i'm here, so we can all get past that and move forward. forward. not continuously going back to the past and talking about things that we can't change. what are some solutions moving forward?"
and he said, "it starts with listening."
that was the first session. we're on session three. i've been listening and all i hear is a lot whole of "daddy this" and "daddy that" and i'm ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. i told my wife that she could go to the sessions without me from now on and she can listen to my daughter complain about me all they want because obviously if she hates me that much, it's better if i stay away.
my wife said that if i stopped going that would make me an ah because this isn't about me and that we're there to support our daughter in her healing process.
i said that was easy for her to say because she's not the one getting targeted every week and if this isn't about me (too) then this isn't *family* therapy and i should just remove myself if i'm the cause of all the problems.
i'm having doubts though because i did neglect our daughter a lot when she was little, and i do want a better relationship with her, but if i have to keep going through this? fuck no.
| 4,272 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rp8g44/wibta_if_i_stopped_going_to_family_therapy/
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2021-12-26 23:13:50
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yta
3 sessions is…. not a lot. if your daughter spent her entire childhood being neglected by you, you can spend more than 3 hours listening to her talk about it.
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>i did neglect our daughter a lot when she was little
so your solution is to continue to neglect her because hearing about how you neglected her is "too hard"? you want some magic solution that doesn't require work, empathy or accepting your faults and that's just not how it works. yta
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hope you’re ready to get torn a new one by the comments that are about to come in.
🍿
also yta. majorly.
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this is the third session…. third
rounding up you’ve listened to 6 hours of your daughter venting her 20+ years of frustration and pain with you.
do you really want a better relationship? or you want her to magically just forget all that she endured??
i’d almost encourage you to stop going. because then your daughter would learn that you’re hopeless and be able to move on and be happy. but in the off chance, you truly love her , and want her to heal and have a bond with her, then yta!!
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okay let’s say you’re a plumber. and you’re doing the best you can at your job, but turns out the guy who taught you wasn’t very good. so your projects aren’t turning out well and your clients are pissed. they want you to re-do the work you did.
can you tell them “yeah, you’re right, i made mistakes, let’s just move forward” and continue doing things the same way?
or do you have to open your mind to re-learning what you were taught?
it’s not about morals - you did what you could with the tools you had. now you need new tools.
if you give up on that - with your own child - then yta. realize she’s trying to improve her own tools, so that your grandchild doesn’t live the same script.
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you sound exactly like my dad. i only went to his funeral to make sure the bastard was really dead. hope you're okay with that being the future. yta.
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listen to you... no wonder you daughter has issues with you, you are clearly a self-absorbed narcissist in making this all about you instead of listening to whatever fucked up shit you did to your daughter that traumatized her so much she needs therapy. therapy isn't about getting past the past and moving forward, therapy is about understanding the pain and suffering that you have caused so that your daughter can heal. instead it's all about you and your feelings. and for that, you are an enormous asshole father. so yeah, yta without a doubt.
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[deleted]
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hahahahaha why if it isn’t the consequences of your own asshattery.
yta. i hope your daughter keeps it coming. you clearly need to hear it. you sound like a pretty shit father.
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yta. you know you neglected her when she needed you. put on your big boy pants and go to the sessions with less ego and more heart.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i wasn't the perfect father, but goddamn. the way my daughter (alana, 26) talks about me in therapy, you'd think i'd never done anything good for her at all. i get it. i fucked up. but it's like i told the therapist when he asked me how my daughter's words made me feel: "i'm not trying to shift any blame, but my wife is right here and my daughter hasn't said one bad word about her this entire time. is this goijg to be family therapy or bash dad for an hour and forty-five minutes every week?" he told me that, that uncomfortable feeling i felt and that frustration was how my daughter has been feeling for all these years. and i told him, "i get that, that's why i'm here, so we can all get past that and move forward. forward. not continuously going back to the past and talking about things that we can't change. what are some solutions moving forward?" and he said, "it starts with listening." that was the first session. we're on session three. i've been listening and all i hear is a lot whole of "daddy this" and "daddy that" and i'm ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. i told my wife that she could go to the sessions without me from now on and she can listen to my daughter complain about me all they want because obviously if she hates me that much, it's better if i stay away. my wife said that if i stopped going that would make me an ah because this isn't about me and that we're there to support our daughter in her healing process. i said that was easy for her to say because she's not the one getting targeted every week and if this isn't about me (too) then this isn't *family* therapy and i should just remove myself if i'm the cause of all the problems. i'm having doubts though because i did neglect our daughter a lot when she was little, and i do want a better relationship with her, but if i have to keep going through this? fuck no.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i wasn't the perfect father, but goddamn. the way my daughter (alana, 26) talks about me in therapy, you'd think i'd never done anything good for her at all. i get it. i fucked up. but it's like i told the therapist when he asked me how my daughter's words made me feel: "i'm not trying to shift any blame, but my wife is right here and my daughter hasn't said one bad word about her this entire time. is this goijg to be family therapy or bash dad for an hour and forty-five minutes every week?" he told me that, that uncomfortable feeling i felt and that frustration was how my daughter has been feeling for all these years. and i told him, "i get that, that's why i'm here, so we can all get past that and move forward. forward. not continuously going back to the past and talking about things that we can't change. what are some solutions moving forward?" and he said, "it starts with listening." that was the first session. we're on session three. i've been listening and all i hear is a lot whole of "daddy this" and "daddy that" and i'm ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. i told my wife that she could go to the sessions without me from now on and she can listen to my daughter complain about me all they want because obviously if she hates me that much, it's better if i stay away. my wife said that if i stopped going that would make me an ah because this isn't about me and that we're there to support our daughter in her healing process. i said that was easy for her to say because she's not the one getting targeted every week and if this isn't about me (too) then this isn't *family* therapy and i should just remove myself if i'm the cause of all the problems. i'm having doubts though because i did neglect our daughter a lot when she was little, and i do want a better relationship with her, but if i have to keep going through this? fuck no. [/INST] yta 3 sessions is…. not a lot. if your daughter spent her entire childhood being neglected by you, you can spend more than 3 hours listening to her talk about it. </s>
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AITA for abandoning a grieving friend after she tried to charge me rent?
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my friend is a recent widow. it's been a long time coming but that hardly makes it easier, her husband passed away at the end of february and she has been understandably distraught since. i have tried my best to support her through this even though i can't possibly understand what she's going through. at the beginning of the march she asked me if i'd stay over during the night because she couldn't stand sleeping alone in an empty house. i obliged and temporarily moved in once i was sure my husband was okay with it. she's not been taking care of herself so i have been doing 100% of the household chores and taking care of her and all her responsibilities as well as working full time. well last week she spring on me how much she'll be expecting in rent from here on out. she heavily implied i was taking advantage of her in her grief trying to live in her house for free and that she expects me to backpay her rent for the two months i'd already been there. i was extremely insulted by this and told her i'd transfer her the money she wanted but i would be moving back to my own house (where i am also paying rent). i got my stuff and was out within a couple of hours. she has since asked me to come back but i have refused, i told her i'd still do her shopping and i'll come over to help her with a few bits but i'm not spending another night in that house.
aita?
| 22,382 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n8cxly/aita_for_abandoning_a_grieving_friend_after_she/
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2021-05-09 12:07:57
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nta - you didn't want to pay rent, so you went back to your own house. i think she's a bit of an asshole asking you to come and stay with her, and then asking you to pay money.
i think you've set some healthy boundaries to avoid the situation occurring again.
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nta. wtf taking advantage?? you already have a place. what did you get out of it?
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nta? but you need to stand up for yourself more. you should not have paid her or offered to keep doing things for her. you should have explained why her request was inappropriate and left, leaving the ball in her court to continue your relationship with more appropriate boundaries. this reads like you’re still learning how to not get completely walked over
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> *"she heavily implied i was taking advantage of her in her grief"*
as it often is with abusive people, accusations are confessions. she is clearly using her grief to take complete advantage of you, op. the last time i checked, manipulating your close friends, treating them worse than doormats, and then gaslighting them while demanding they pay you a bunch of money, is not a step in the grieving process.
you upended your entire life for this woman. you left behind your own home and your husband to care for her--at her insistence. you give, give, give and she takes, takes, takes. and now she wants to take your money, too. your service to her should stop here. you've gone above and beyond what most people would do and there is absolutely no need for you to do anymore--including her shopping or any other favors, big or small.
you would be wise to think long and hard about continuing a friendship with someone who treats you this way. nta.
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nta and i wouldn’t do anything else for her for free since she has already proven that she will twist scenarios to try to get money out of you. there is a chance that she was not left off financially well. if that’s the case, offer to help her get into contact with someone who can help her figure out the finances. either way, she’s the a h for taking advantage of your kindness.
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nta, and i would not pay her back rent. you can't create a rental agreement in your head and then expect someone to pay when it was not agreed upfront.
you were there to help her, and you have your own place, so it's not like you gained anything from staying there.
and make sure she pays for anything you get for her.
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in this situation you're nta - but you're being a huge ah to yourself.
but i'm genuinely confused / concerned for you based on your responses to others comments.
you are married - i get you said your husband has lost close people but this has to be straining if not damaging this comnection.
you paid her - and put a sizeable dent in your savings. did you discuss this with your husband - is that part of your dynamic? this friendship is costing you too much.
you mentioned things like this keep happening to you - which makes it seem like all your value is in what you do for others and not who you are as a person. if you did nothing for others would they still find value you in you? if not - they aren't your friends. (of course there's give and take in all relationships but the saying goes, 'givers have to have limits because takers never do.')
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nta. she asked you to move in to help her, you already have your own house, you literally moved there to help her and take care of all the household jobs yet she has the audacity to charge you rent and imply that *you're* taking advantage of *her*?
shes the one taking advantage of your kindness, you shouldn't have transferred her the money.
you're a better person than me because i would withdraw my help altogether.
grieving doesn't give her the right to be an ah.
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y-t-a not to her, but to yourself.
losing a spouse is not an excuse for treating you this way. and you paid her rent!! and are still doing things for her??? stop letting her use you. find better friends.
otherwise nta.
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nta, that's crazy talk. there's no way it's even some miscommunication, somehow, since she wanted you back after you refused and left! are they in financial hardship, and this is their convoluted plan? very strange when you have your own place and life to get back to. the support you were giving (and are still willing to offer) is more than enough, no matter what horrid things she's been through.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend is a recent widow. it's been a long time coming but that hardly makes it easier, her husband passed away at the end of february and she has been understandably distraught since. i have tried my best to support her through this even though i can't possibly understand what she's going through. at the beginning of the march she asked me if i'd stay over during the night because she couldn't stand sleeping alone in an empty house. i obliged and temporarily moved in once i was sure my husband was okay with it. she's not been taking care of herself so i have been doing 100% of the household chores and taking care of her and all her responsibilities as well as working full time. well last week she spring on me how much she'll be expecting in rent from here on out. she heavily implied i was taking advantage of her in her grief trying to live in her house for free and that she expects me to backpay her rent for the two months i'd already been there. i was extremely insulted by this and told her i'd transfer her the money she wanted but i would be moving back to my own house (where i am also paying rent). i got my stuff and was out within a couple of hours. she has since asked me to come back but i have refused, i told her i'd still do her shopping and i'll come over to help her with a few bits but i'm not spending another night in that house. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend is a recent widow. it's been a long time coming but that hardly makes it easier, her husband passed away at the end of february and she has been understandably distraught since. i have tried my best to support her through this even though i can't possibly understand what she's going through. at the beginning of the march she asked me if i'd stay over during the night because she couldn't stand sleeping alone in an empty house. i obliged and temporarily moved in once i was sure my husband was okay with it. she's not been taking care of herself so i have been doing 100% of the household chores and taking care of her and all her responsibilities as well as working full time. well last week she spring on me how much she'll be expecting in rent from here on out. she heavily implied i was taking advantage of her in her grief trying to live in her house for free and that she expects me to backpay her rent for the two months i'd already been there. i was extremely insulted by this and told her i'd transfer her the money she wanted but i would be moving back to my own house (where i am also paying rent). i got my stuff and was out within a couple of hours. she has since asked me to come back but i have refused, i told her i'd still do her shopping and i'll come over to help her with a few bits but i'm not spending another night in that house. aita? [/INST] nta - you didn't want to pay rent, so you went back to your own house. i think she's a bit of an asshole asking you to come and stay with her, and then asking you to pay money. i think you've set some healthy boundaries to avoid the situation occurring again. </s>
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AITA for reporting my teacher over a very uncomfortable joke?
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i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny.
last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't.
it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted.
so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started.
now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first.
aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
| 26,038 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwh6qk/aita_for_reporting_my_teacher_over_a_very/
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2020-06-04 13:12:38
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nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble.
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nta. this isn't a joke, this is sexual harassment. please report him.
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nta
an uncomfortable joke would be this: the teacher watching you knead some dough and then saying “i think your buns are going to be beautiful,” realising what he’s said, laughing and then apologising for laughing. that’s an uncomfortable joke.
showing you hardcore porn is so far past an uncomfortable joke that they’re not even in the same league. see that very fuzzy dark thing in the distance? that’s the line he crossed. this is outright harassment and he should be fired for it.
your teacher isn’t an asshole. he’s a criminal. this is a crime.
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nta. he's been testing the females all year if he's been making sexual jokes. it's grooming behavior, trying to make himself seem less threatening (it's just a "joke"). he absolutely knows better. and reporting him was the right thing to do.
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nta. sexual abusers “laugh off” their actions as “jokes”, make you feel like you’re the one who over-reacted, and continue this behavior over and over.
the saddest part of this is his pattern of behavior is probably long-standing, and even if they investigate and fire him, he probably won’t face criminal charges of any kind, so he will continue the behavior someplace else.
never, ever just accept that someone is “weird” or awkward if you feel uncomfortable with their behavior. you don’t have to be polite to keep from hurting their feelings. it’s not a requirement that you put yourself in harm’s way to keep someone else from feeling bad about their actions.
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nta. i tensed up reading your experience that day. jeez, for a teacher to think that that's appropriate even in the slightest makes me sick.
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nta. this isn't a joke. this is way over the line into sexual harassment.
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this is classic grooming. put a toe over the line, then another one, pretend it's just a joke. when nothing happens step right over the line.
i assume he knows you're autistic? if he does he's probably calculating that you won't be believed, or won't understand what he's doing, which shows his ignorance.
your friend is quite correct to go to his boss or higher. the institution can't afford to ignore what he's doing.
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nta. he's not getting in trouble because of you, but because of his actions. if he gets fired, it wouldn't be because of you but because the school deemed that his conduct is unacceptable and is so out of line he doesn't even deserve a second chance. if that's the case, they won't fire him on your words alone, but because the investigation will show how awfully he has acted in the past.
he's behavior was appalling, totally out of bounds. i guess there's a possibility he didn't realize how unprofessional and inappropriate he has been acting, but it's way more likely he's consciously taking advantage of the fact that you're his students to "joke" in that way. he's getting a kick out of it, and has probably done to others before.
he deserves to be fired, you deserve to have a teacher who won't think of porn while teaching you, as do all the other female students. if you still struggle with this incident or the impact you reporting might have on him, please seek help for this, you don't deserve to suffer more because of this vile man.
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nta! that's beyond disgusting & i'm so sorry that happened to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) have been in a bakery course since september and every wednesday we have an 8 hour hands on class. the teacher (m50) is a very friendly man, but his sense of humour is kind of on the edge of acceptable. he'd been making sex jokes about me and some other girls in my class all year, but they were still kind of funny. last week he called me from the other side of the room saying his friend sent him a video and it made him think of me, as a joke. i approached him and he gets the video out, everyone else was busy doing their thing. he showed me the video and skips through it. it was a lesbian orgy porn. i got super uncomfortable and froze. i couldn't do anything but chuckle in shock. i laughed it off, didn't say anything about it and went back to what i was doing. i know i should've said something then but i just couldn't. it's been making me lose sleep since last week. i feel grossed out, objectified and my self worth has plummeted. so today i decided to call someone at school who i trust. i told her what happened and that i wanted to arrange a meeting with witnesses where i tell him that he crossed a boundary. but she said she wanted to tell his boss and get an investigation started. now he's gonna get in trouble because of me, even though i wanted to give him a warning first. aita for reporting my teacher over a joke? [/INST] nta. a 50 year old man knows that showing his student porn is not a joke. he wants you to think it’s a joke so you’ll doubt yourself like you’re doing now. you’re not getting him in trouble, he’s getting himself in trouble. </s>
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AITA (AWTA) for not giving our granddaughter the same wedding gift as our other grandchildren?
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first of all, this is my first post on here ever, i wanted an objective opinion and i have read a lot of these kinds of posts on facebook. if i do anything wrong please tell me.
i(70s f) am the grandmother to 5 wonderful grandkids (3 women and 2 men). the last of my grandkids got married last october. my husband (70s m) and i usually get them a small gift (usually the cheapest thing on the registry), then the day before the wedding, we privately gift them a check for $40k, we prefer that they use it for a house, but we don’t force them to do so. we also ask them to keep it private (we have a big extended family, and we don’t want them to expect it from us). they all honored this request.
when it came to our youngest granddaughter, we bought her an air fryer (that was the cheapest thing on the registry) and sent it in advance. then she called us furious, she went off on us for being cheap and how she knew we had money, but that we did not love her enough to show it by getting her something more expensive.
we were horrified by her behavior, then she went ahead and threatened to disinvite us if we didn’t get her a better gift. we discussed it, bought her a china set, but we did not give her the money that was set aside for her. we decided that she did not deserve it.
fast foreword to last week, she met up with her brother, they got to talking and she found out about the cash gift that he got. she asked her cousins and found out all of them got the same gift. she called us furious for discriminating against her. we told her that it was our money, and after how she behaved, we did not want to give it to her.
she started crying, said that she was just extremely stressed, and that we shouldn’t have taken it to heart. we told her that we stand by our decision. now she is refusing to attend christmas, and her mother (our dil) is calling us ahs. so awtas.
| 17,962 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zoa8ez/aita_awta_for_not_giving_our_granddaughter_the/
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2022-12-17 16:40:17
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nta.
she cared more about the cost of a gift than your presence at her wedding. that’s not stress, that’s spoiled. and her mother backing her up shows why she is spoiled.
if she’d apologised before finding out about the money, then you might’ve believed that her remorse was been real…. but she didn’t.
she called you ‘furious’ once she found out - trying to force you to give her more again. then tried tears to manipulate you. now, with no wedding to blame her behaviour on, she’s refusing to come to events until you cough up the cash.
guess you know what value she puts on her grandparents. she’s entitled, spoiled and rude.
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nta. i would never dream of criticizing a gift, never mind coming from a family member. i’m horrified at her behavior. and her doubling down and wanting to not attend christmas? i’d stay with the decision. if she had apologized profusely and then let it go i might have gifted the original money on their one year anniversary. but her continued tantrum, no. she does not deserve it acting like an entitled spoiled brat.
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[removed]
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nta.
she bit your hand and expected you to feed her afterward? *hell* no.
she threatened to *uninvite* you over an *air fryer*. if she'd just been grateful or graceful, she'd have gotten exactly what she was screaming at you about wanting. but no, she couldn't even *feign* composure, and tried to bully you into giving her what she wanted.
it's not even like you got her something that wasn't on the registry, she just thought she was entitled to your money. sucks to be her, she gets less now because she threatened you, who the money belongs to.
this'll be a hard lesson for her, maybe, but it's one that seems to be well overdue, and it's one she needs to learn.
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nta.
i agree with your decision to withhold that check and i probably would have done the exact same thing if i were in your position.
the fact that she views you only as a cash cow and wouldn't even want you to attend her wedding unless you forked over a check sounds like extortion. it shows that she only values you for the money she thinks that she can get from you. it's a disgusting way to treat a supposed loved one.
interesting that instead of apologizing and acknowledging what she did was wrong she chose the manipulative route instead: crying and claiming she wasn't serious. most likely because this approach probably got her what she wanted as a child. by giving her the check now you would be enabling this atrocious behavior.
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nta.
also can i just say…an air fryer was the cheapest thing on the registry? don’t those things *start* at around a hundred dollars? i mean…was she just assuming everyone would have to pony up just to come to the wedding? (this whole thing is just very strange to me. i didn’t even *know* what people got me until *after* my wedding.)
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[removed]
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nta. calling anyone to complain about a gift is stupid. your granddaughter has no manners. just because someone has money doesn't mean they are obligated to give some to you. i am sorry she turned a happy occasion into a s#itshow.
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nta
and her mother should be ashamed for not raising a daughter with manners. maybe if she’d been taught that throwing a toddler tantrum didn’t result in her getting her way, this could have been avoided.
but then there’s the entitlement. sigh.
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my grandmother was my only grandparent left when i got married. the fact that she was at my wedding was gift enough. the utter gall of your granddaughter just makes me ill. she does not deserve your generosity; i don't think i'd ever be able to get over it. she won't be a great loss at christmas and her mother should stay and keep her company. they can be hateful together and not ruin anybody else's holiday.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first of all, this is my first post on here ever, i wanted an objective opinion and i have read a lot of these kinds of posts on facebook. if i do anything wrong please tell me. i(70s f) am the grandmother to 5 wonderful grandkids (3 women and 2 men). the last of my grandkids got married last october. my husband (70s m) and i usually get them a small gift (usually the cheapest thing on the registry), then the day before the wedding, we privately gift them a check for $40k, we prefer that they use it for a house, but we don’t force them to do so. we also ask them to keep it private (we have a big extended family, and we don’t want them to expect it from us). they all honored this request. when it came to our youngest granddaughter, we bought her an air fryer (that was the cheapest thing on the registry) and sent it in advance. then she called us furious, she went off on us for being cheap and how she knew we had money, but that we did not love her enough to show it by getting her something more expensive. we were horrified by her behavior, then she went ahead and threatened to disinvite us if we didn’t get her a better gift. we discussed it, bought her a china set, but we did not give her the money that was set aside for her. we decided that she did not deserve it. fast foreword to last week, she met up with her brother, they got to talking and she found out about the cash gift that he got. she asked her cousins and found out all of them got the same gift. she called us furious for discriminating against her. we told her that it was our money, and after how she behaved, we did not want to give it to her. she started crying, said that she was just extremely stressed, and that we shouldn’t have taken it to heart. we told her that we stand by our decision. now she is refusing to attend christmas, and her mother (our dil) is calling us ahs. so awtas.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first of all, this is my first post on here ever, i wanted an objective opinion and i have read a lot of these kinds of posts on facebook. if i do anything wrong please tell me. i(70s f) am the grandmother to 5 wonderful grandkids (3 women and 2 men). the last of my grandkids got married last october. my husband (70s m) and i usually get them a small gift (usually the cheapest thing on the registry), then the day before the wedding, we privately gift them a check for $40k, we prefer that they use it for a house, but we don’t force them to do so. we also ask them to keep it private (we have a big extended family, and we don’t want them to expect it from us). they all honored this request. when it came to our youngest granddaughter, we bought her an air fryer (that was the cheapest thing on the registry) and sent it in advance. then she called us furious, she went off on us for being cheap and how she knew we had money, but that we did not love her enough to show it by getting her something more expensive. we were horrified by her behavior, then she went ahead and threatened to disinvite us if we didn’t get her a better gift. we discussed it, bought her a china set, but we did not give her the money that was set aside for her. we decided that she did not deserve it. fast foreword to last week, she met up with her brother, they got to talking and she found out about the cash gift that he got. she asked her cousins and found out all of them got the same gift. she called us furious for discriminating against her. we told her that it was our money, and after how she behaved, we did not want to give it to her. she started crying, said that she was just extremely stressed, and that we shouldn’t have taken it to heart. we told her that we stand by our decision. now she is refusing to attend christmas, and her mother (our dil) is calling us ahs. so awtas. [/INST] nta. she cared more about the cost of a gift than your presence at her wedding. that’s not stress, that’s spoiled. and her mother backing her up shows why she is spoiled. if she’d apologised before finding out about the money, then you might’ve believed that her remorse was been real…. but she didn’t. she called you ‘furious’ once she found out - trying to force you to give her more again. then tried tears to manipulate you. now, with no wedding to blame her behaviour on, she’s refusing to come to events until you cough up the cash. guess you know what value she puts on her grandparents. she’s entitled, spoiled and rude. </s>
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AITA for (rudely) refusing to give my kid's hand-me-downs and old toys & furniture to my sister?
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i found out i was pregnant with my daughter at 19 years old, had her at 20. when i told my parents they said they'ld be happy for me but they didn't want to pay for anything, have us live with them or babysit all the time, basically wanting to treat me they same they would if i had kids older and not as a teenager still going to university. i was already living independently, both my boyfriend and i worked and we live in a country with free/cheap education and healthcare. in our culture families are close and grandparents are very involved in their grandchildren's lives, so i thought they'd still be emotionally supportive.
during my pregnancy i asked my parents and/or sister for help a few times: driving me to the hospital when i started contracting 3 months early, picking me up for a family event when i wasn't allowed to drive, helping me prepare meals to put in the freezer, and staying with them for a weekend when i was due any day and my boyfriend couldn't be home. they refused, telling me that i was expecting to be catered to. they also didn't want to come with me to ultrasounds or basically hear me talking about anything baby related, telling me that i was trying to win them over and have them "forget that i was making dumb decisions". when i spoke to other relatives my sister "joked" that i was trying to get gifts from them. i had severe post-partum depression and thought i was an entitled jerk and a failure, unworthy of the baby or anybody's support but impoved a lot after months of therapy. my relationship with my parents started improving after they apologised for not getting me to the hospital. they told me they were afraid i was going to destroy my life and thought that they were showing tough love. impovement in our case meant that we we're on speaking terms and they're allowed in their granddaughter's life, we're not close.
which brings us to today, 3 years later. my sister (29yo) is pregnant and she's getting a completely different treatment than i did when i was treated "as an independent adult". our parents stay with her when her husband isn't home, don't let her do any housework, paid for her birthing class and a maternity photoshoot and get her whatever she craves to eat. yesterday my mother called and asked me to bring over to her house all of my daughter's old furniture, toys and anything else of her baby stuff i have kept because she wants to set up a nursery so my sister's baby will have everything they need when she babysits. apparently my sister wanted my parents to buy some new stuff to keep at their house but my mother told her mine will do. i answered that mine will not do, my sister should try to get freebies from other relatives instead, and ended the call. i've been getting texts from my parents and sister telling me to come to my senses and calling me petty, immature and resentful among other things.
so, reddit, am i the asshole here?
| 21,354 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpbrj0/aita_for_rudely_refusing_to_give_my_kids/
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2019-08-12 12:33:56
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nta
sell your old things and put the money away for your daughter.
if your parents want toys and furniture at their house, they can buy it.
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nta - tell them you need to hold onto your items in the event you have another child and they decide to ostracize you again, forcing you to buy all new stuff.
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nta. they're your things, you can do with them what you will. sounds like you have a scapegoat/golden child dynamic going on in your family. but they're nuts to think that you should do them favors when they treated you like shit.
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nta - they're off the shits requesting that
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nta. they didn't help you at all or give you anything for your child, and now they expect you to give all your hard-earned baby gear to your sister. fuck that. she has the support that your parents refused to give you, so they can either treat her the same way or buy her all new stuff.
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nta.
honestly, i think your parents might have "mended" their ways after pretty much shunning you and seeing that some of your requests were 100% serious, especially the contraction one. but: you have every right to refuse giving your belongings to someone else, especially if they have severly wronged you during a similar situation. also, a lot of people keep stuff like this as memories, which makes it even more understandable to not want to give it away.
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nta - don’t give any of them a single thing. let them have some of the “tough love” they gave you.
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nta. fuck your parents.
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nta, i would go nuclear on them for the preferential treatment your sister received. seriously that is a low blow to ask you for your old toys when they never even supported your pregnancy. they can pound sand.
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nta - >sister "joked" that i was trying to get gifts from them
karma’s a butch
oh and i would let the rents know you are not blind and their actions will have consequences on your relationship with them. they need to bear their past actions in mind so in the future they will know why you and your family will have nothing to do with them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i found out i was pregnant with my daughter at 19 years old, had her at 20. when i told my parents they said they'ld be happy for me but they didn't want to pay for anything, have us live with them or babysit all the time, basically wanting to treat me they same they would if i had kids older and not as a teenager still going to university. i was already living independently, both my boyfriend and i worked and we live in a country with free/cheap education and healthcare. in our culture families are close and grandparents are very involved in their grandchildren's lives, so i thought they'd still be emotionally supportive. during my pregnancy i asked my parents and/or sister for help a few times: driving me to the hospital when i started contracting 3 months early, picking me up for a family event when i wasn't allowed to drive, helping me prepare meals to put in the freezer, and staying with them for a weekend when i was due any day and my boyfriend couldn't be home. they refused, telling me that i was expecting to be catered to. they also didn't want to come with me to ultrasounds or basically hear me talking about anything baby related, telling me that i was trying to win them over and have them "forget that i was making dumb decisions". when i spoke to other relatives my sister "joked" that i was trying to get gifts from them. i had severe post-partum depression and thought i was an entitled jerk and a failure, unworthy of the baby or anybody's support but impoved a lot after months of therapy. my relationship with my parents started improving after they apologised for not getting me to the hospital. they told me they were afraid i was going to destroy my life and thought that they were showing tough love. impovement in our case meant that we we're on speaking terms and they're allowed in their granddaughter's life, we're not close. which brings us to today, 3 years later. my sister (29yo) is pregnant and she's getting a completely different treatment than i did when i was treated "as an independent adult". our parents stay with her when her husband isn't home, don't let her do any housework, paid for her birthing class and a maternity photoshoot and get her whatever she craves to eat. yesterday my mother called and asked me to bring over to her house all of my daughter's old furniture, toys and anything else of her baby stuff i have kept because she wants to set up a nursery so my sister's baby will have everything they need when she babysits. apparently my sister wanted my parents to buy some new stuff to keep at their house but my mother told her mine will do. i answered that mine will not do, my sister should try to get freebies from other relatives instead, and ended the call. i've been getting texts from my parents and sister telling me to come to my senses and calling me petty, immature and resentful among other things. so, reddit, am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i found out i was pregnant with my daughter at 19 years old, had her at 20. when i told my parents they said they'ld be happy for me but they didn't want to pay for anything, have us live with them or babysit all the time, basically wanting to treat me they same they would if i had kids older and not as a teenager still going to university. i was already living independently, both my boyfriend and i worked and we live in a country with free/cheap education and healthcare. in our culture families are close and grandparents are very involved in their grandchildren's lives, so i thought they'd still be emotionally supportive. during my pregnancy i asked my parents and/or sister for help a few times: driving me to the hospital when i started contracting 3 months early, picking me up for a family event when i wasn't allowed to drive, helping me prepare meals to put in the freezer, and staying with them for a weekend when i was due any day and my boyfriend couldn't be home. they refused, telling me that i was expecting to be catered to. they also didn't want to come with me to ultrasounds or basically hear me talking about anything baby related, telling me that i was trying to win them over and have them "forget that i was making dumb decisions". when i spoke to other relatives my sister "joked" that i was trying to get gifts from them. i had severe post-partum depression and thought i was an entitled jerk and a failure, unworthy of the baby or anybody's support but impoved a lot after months of therapy. my relationship with my parents started improving after they apologised for not getting me to the hospital. they told me they were afraid i was going to destroy my life and thought that they were showing tough love. impovement in our case meant that we we're on speaking terms and they're allowed in their granddaughter's life, we're not close. which brings us to today, 3 years later. my sister (29yo) is pregnant and she's getting a completely different treatment than i did when i was treated "as an independent adult". our parents stay with her when her husband isn't home, don't let her do any housework, paid for her birthing class and a maternity photoshoot and get her whatever she craves to eat. yesterday my mother called and asked me to bring over to her house all of my daughter's old furniture, toys and anything else of her baby stuff i have kept because she wants to set up a nursery so my sister's baby will have everything they need when she babysits. apparently my sister wanted my parents to buy some new stuff to keep at their house but my mother told her mine will do. i answered that mine will not do, my sister should try to get freebies from other relatives instead, and ended the call. i've been getting texts from my parents and sister telling me to come to my senses and calling me petty, immature and resentful among other things. so, reddit, am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta sell your old things and put the money away for your daughter. if your parents want toys and furniture at their house, they can buy it. </s>
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AITA FOR NOT GIVING MY COUSIN MY GRANDMOTHER’s HOUSE AFTER SHE PASSED
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i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund.
she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids.
she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole
| 23,858 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ql2f9c/aita_for_not_giving_my_cousin_my_grandmothers/
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2021-11-02 11:47:11
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nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless??
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nta. it’s your house, i hate the narrative that people who don’t have kids should roll over to give people with kids anything and everything they want
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nta. your gran left you the house. it’s yours. your cousin has absolutely no right to it. why should having kids make her more eligible for it than you? don’t even bother to engage in any further conversations with anyone about this.
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nta. depending on where in atlanta, property taxes can be an [expletive redacted] and struggle. if your cousin wasn't able to help your grandmother out in her time of need, what makes her think she'll be able to afford property taxes, utilities, &tc., now? enjoy your new home, op!
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nta. if they want your cousin to live in a house so bad they can let her and her kids move in with them. your grandmother left the house to you. if your family keeps harassing you just tell them that you’re respecting your grandmother’s last wishes and leave it at that. i’d recommend that you change the locks on the house asap just in case any of them have a spare key to it.
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nta. so, outside perspective... did your grandmother really need to back taxes money? or, is it possible she reached out to family to see who among them would be willing to help without question? you were the only one who did so without hesitation or demands. you got the house. seems granny was testing the waters while deciding what to do with her personal affairs
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nta
her having kids does not entitle he to the house left to you. if your nana had wanted her to have it, she would have given it to her.
i am so sorry for your loss. don't let anyone guilt you out of your inheritance.
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nope, nta
grammy already knew exactly what was up!
where were your cousin & the rest of the family that is now on her side when grammy was about to lose her house & you were the only one to step up then?! are they all disabled single moms who cannot help?!
if that family wants your cousin to get the help she needs, they should totally, 100% offer her their house for use for her and her kids.
____
family: “you should give your cousin your house...”
you: “hmmm... let’s see what grammy has to say about that” *pulls will out of pocket...*
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nta. you need to respect your grandmother's wishes. she wanted you to have the house. tell your cousin she can take it up with granny as to why she didnt get the house. it will be just as hard for you to buy a house, real estate is expensive. you have the upper hand. just weather the storm of insults and criticism from disgraceful family and cut out those who are too much to bear. sorry to hear about your grandmother. nta
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nta. what if you end up having kids one day??
keep the house, tell them to fuck off. if they originally wanted the house then they should have spent more time with grandma and asked her for it
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m a 27 year old male and my grandmother passed recently. in her will she left me her 4 bedroom 2 bath house. now before my grandmother passed she was in danger of losing the house because of unpaid taxes. she asked various family members for help but none did. i was in college at the time and i had a huge student refund. she asked me for $1,500 to settle the debt. she said thank you and we never talked about it again. i didn’t want my granny to be homeless after all. that was about 8 years ago. fast forward to today and i’m now the owner of a house in the heart of atlanta. prime real estate if i do say so myself. i plan on moving in at the end of the month before doing some light cleaning and renovation. enter my cousin and her kids. she is upset with me because i got the house. she said because i don’t have any kids i should give her the house because i’m her eyes i got the house for free. i thought she was crazy but a lot of our family is on her side. stating that it’s hard out here for a single mother. they told me i can buy a house one day because i am a able bodied young man. it will be harder for her because she has two kids. i’m like she chose to have those kids and that isn’t my problem. everyone is calling me selfish and hell maybe i am but my grandmother wanted me to have the house. i’m i the asshole [/INST] nta, where was she when granny was about to be homeless?? </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?
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my f26 boyfriend's m30 dog has been sick lately. he took him to the vet to get him looked at and run some tests and yesterday the vet called us for a quick appointment to talk about the dog's condition.
we were told that he had cancer, my boyfriend didn't take it well, he did not even give the vet time to explain to us what was really going on he just had a break down.
we exited the office and next thing i knew he dropped on his knees sobbing, literally sobbing. i was shocked because for one i know his dog is important to him, he had him for years and so i get this was a lot to take in and cancer is no joke, but what really bothered me was how he handled it. his knees were on the floor and he was sobbing loudly in the hallway making everyone notice. ngl, as a woman i've never even sobbed like that, i felt embarrassed for both of us. i kept trying to get him to go to the car but he ignored me and kept sobbing.
i didn't say anything til later after we got home and he calmed down a bit and got some sleep.
when he woke up i brought up what happened at the clininc and expressed how embarrassing what he did was, he looked at me shocked asking if i was serious and i replied that i didn't mean to seem insensitive but i really thought he should've got a better hold of his emotions and handled the news better but not sob in the middle of the hallway causing people to stop and stare. he lashed out at me calling me ridiculous and shallow to be worrying about what people think when he was dealing with a traumatic kind of news and trying to process it, i told him he overreacted because it wasn't like the dog had died and seeing him act this way worried me. he doubled down and lashed out again accusing me of implying that he has mental issues and was acting crazy but that wasn't what i meant. he told me to leave the room after we got further in the argument and today he's gone quiet.
i honestly felt like i probably should not have brought it up like that given his reaction but i didn't mean to seem insensitive.
aita?
editing this to say that my issue was never about him reacting like that just because he's a man, no, this isn't about that but it's about the way he reacted, i just did not think it was handled right, that's all.
and also, i do show support and the news was devastating to me too since i help take care of the dog and that bond is there even though it's his dog.
| 10,213 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ru8ve3/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_he_was_embarrassing/
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2022-01-02 12:41:18
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yta - i’m honestly baffled that you think you had the right to tell him how he should be dealing with a traumatic event. you don’t have any right to tell someone how they should or should not feel. get over yourself. i feel so bad for your boyfriend. imagine finding out someone/something you love got an incurable disease and your boyfriend just says “stop over reacting”. at some point you have to put yourself in their shoes.
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yta: he's had the dog a lot longer than he's had you, i would guess. emotions are a thing people have, and it's not abnormal to be upset at the upcoming loss of a pet. this is stage one in his mourning. other stages will include getting rid of things that complicate or renew his grief, you may have already become one of those things.
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yta. big time. finding out your dog has cancer is emotional and people are allowed to react in whatever way they feel. you being “embarrassed” by your partner instead of heartfelt sympathy for what he was going through makes you a really shit person and so.
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yta
men are allowed to have and express emotions. he was devastated and cried. instead of being understanding and supportive you could only focus on feeling embarrassed.
learn how to be empathetic.
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“as a woman ive never even sobbed like that” 🙄
you are part of the reason why there’s so much toxic masculinity. let the man cry. he should throw the whole woman away.
yta!
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we as women are trying so hard to normalise men expressing their feelings and grief in any form possible and here comes along op being embarrassed for the same. men are allowed to express themselves however and whenever they want to. its not like he lost a shoe. he's losing someone who's a big part of his life. yta
thank you all for the awards! it warms my heart to know there are people out there wanting to normalise situations ❤
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yta, he’s about to lose his best buddy in a horrible way and you’re worried about what people will think of _you_?
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yta. what are you? a member of the "grief police"? please do not have children.
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think this is bait because no one would post that thinking they're not the asshole
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yta, i used to work in veterinary medicine and can promise you what your bf did was a perfectly normal reaction and no one except your stuck up ass was judging him. if anything they were all sympathising with how he felt and probably judging you for treating him how you did.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f26 boyfriend's m30 dog has been sick lately. he took him to the vet to get him looked at and run some tests and yesterday the vet called us for a quick appointment to talk about the dog's condition. we were told that he had cancer, my boyfriend didn't take it well, he did not even give the vet time to explain to us what was really going on he just had a break down. we exited the office and next thing i knew he dropped on his knees sobbing, literally sobbing. i was shocked because for one i know his dog is important to him, he had him for years and so i get this was a lot to take in and cancer is no joke, but what really bothered me was how he handled it. his knees were on the floor and he was sobbing loudly in the hallway making everyone notice. ngl, as a woman i've never even sobbed like that, i felt embarrassed for both of us. i kept trying to get him to go to the car but he ignored me and kept sobbing. i didn't say anything til later after we got home and he calmed down a bit and got some sleep. when he woke up i brought up what happened at the clininc and expressed how embarrassing what he did was, he looked at me shocked asking if i was serious and i replied that i didn't mean to seem insensitive but i really thought he should've got a better hold of his emotions and handled the news better but not sob in the middle of the hallway causing people to stop and stare. he lashed out at me calling me ridiculous and shallow to be worrying about what people think when he was dealing with a traumatic kind of news and trying to process it, i told him he overreacted because it wasn't like the dog had died and seeing him act this way worried me. he doubled down and lashed out again accusing me of implying that he has mental issues and was acting crazy but that wasn't what i meant. he told me to leave the room after we got further in the argument and today he's gone quiet. i honestly felt like i probably should not have brought it up like that given his reaction but i didn't mean to seem insensitive. aita? editing this to say that my issue was never about him reacting like that just because he's a man, no, this isn't about that but it's about the way he reacted, i just did not think it was handled right, that's all. and also, i do show support and the news was devastating to me too since i help take care of the dog and that bond is there even though it's his dog.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f26 boyfriend's m30 dog has been sick lately. he took him to the vet to get him looked at and run some tests and yesterday the vet called us for a quick appointment to talk about the dog's condition. we were told that he had cancer, my boyfriend didn't take it well, he did not even give the vet time to explain to us what was really going on he just had a break down. we exited the office and next thing i knew he dropped on his knees sobbing, literally sobbing. i was shocked because for one i know his dog is important to him, he had him for years and so i get this was a lot to take in and cancer is no joke, but what really bothered me was how he handled it. his knees were on the floor and he was sobbing loudly in the hallway making everyone notice. ngl, as a woman i've never even sobbed like that, i felt embarrassed for both of us. i kept trying to get him to go to the car but he ignored me and kept sobbing. i didn't say anything til later after we got home and he calmed down a bit and got some sleep. when he woke up i brought up what happened at the clininc and expressed how embarrassing what he did was, he looked at me shocked asking if i was serious and i replied that i didn't mean to seem insensitive but i really thought he should've got a better hold of his emotions and handled the news better but not sob in the middle of the hallway causing people to stop and stare. he lashed out at me calling me ridiculous and shallow to be worrying about what people think when he was dealing with a traumatic kind of news and trying to process it, i told him he overreacted because it wasn't like the dog had died and seeing him act this way worried me. he doubled down and lashed out again accusing me of implying that he has mental issues and was acting crazy but that wasn't what i meant. he told me to leave the room after we got further in the argument and today he's gone quiet. i honestly felt like i probably should not have brought it up like that given his reaction but i didn't mean to seem insensitive. aita? editing this to say that my issue was never about him reacting like that just because he's a man, no, this isn't about that but it's about the way he reacted, i just did not think it was handled right, that's all. and also, i do show support and the news was devastating to me too since i help take care of the dog and that bond is there even though it's his dog. [/INST] yta - i’m honestly baffled that you think you had the right to tell him how he should be dealing with a traumatic event. you don’t have any right to tell someone how they should or should not feel. get over yourself. i feel so bad for your boyfriend. imagine finding out someone/something you love got an incurable disease and your boyfriend just says “stop over reacting”. at some point you have to put yourself in their shoes. </s>
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AITA for refusing to address someone by their chosen form of address?
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i have been with a company for six years now. we are very informal with each other and have a fairly laid back culture. the company president is dave, my boss is lou, i tell employees who call me mr. smith (fake name) that my name is dennis and that there is no need for formality.
we recently hired a new employee. the fake name i will give her for this post is ginny potter. in coming on board with us, ginny signed all of her e-mails ms. potter.
when she answers the phone it's, "good afternoon, this is ms. potter speaking."
when she calls me, it's, "good morning, dennis, this is ms. potter."
and my response is always, "good morning, ginny, how can i help you?"
if i send an e-mail to ginny, the response is signed by **ms. potter**. emphasis hers.
she is three levels below me in a different line of report in terms of company hierarchy. so her supervisor's boss reports to someone on the same level as me, if that makes sense.
it got back to me that she thinks i'm disrespectful for not calling her ms. potter when i speak to her. when i spoke to others about it, most state that they just ignore it, don't use a name to address her, respond to her queries, and let her call herself what she wants. my boss thinks it's idiotic and that she's not at any level within the company to demand that.
when i told my wife, she replied that it's obviously a button for this woman and i'm being an asshole by antagonizing her. my counterpoint to this is that nobody in the company gets addressed formally and if i don't call my boss or his boss by anything but their first names, i'm not going to formally address another employee several layers down the hierarchy.
| 6,158 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zr1ypz/aita_for_refusing_to_address_someone_by_their/
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2022-12-20 22:36:26
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yta she’s being very polite about how she wants to be addressed and you’re taking a crap all over it. she wants to be ms. call her ms. your position doesn’t excuse this behavior in fact it makes it worse.
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look, unless she's asking you to address her as something truly awful and unreasonable.. like hitler for example, just use her preferred name.
&#x200b;
she is not below you, you are not above her - you're both human beings.
&#x200b;
yta.
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yta
it's about boundaries, not hierarchy.
maybe she likes to keep it formal so she can draw a line between private affairs and work related stuff or she simply isn't comfortable being called by her first name. absolutely nothing wrong with that.
don't you have more important things to tend to other than gossiping about coworkers and be a blabbermouth? honestly you sound exhausting to be around.
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yta. ummm someone once said a nickname to me when i use my full formal name (my parents never shortened it) for example, he called me cindy when he clearly saw my name tag as cynthia.
i saw his name was rick. he kept calling me cindy. all ducking day. so i started call him ricky. cindy this, ricky that. finally he said “my name is not ricky cindy”
“oh i’m sorry, should i call you dick? bc cindy is not my name”.
you are minimizing a grown ass woman. who cares what her position is? her name is ms potter. you don’t know her personally. she has not given you permission to call her by her first name. agree or not, it’s disrespectful.
she’s given you respect, why won’t you reciprocate?
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nah
she's allowed to have her preferences and i suppose you should respect that, but at the same time i find it a bit disrespectful on her part to insist on a more formal address for herself in a work environment where that is extremely far from the norm.
it would be one thing if everyone used titles at your workplace and she wished to be properly referred to as "dr." because she has a phd but you insisted on saying ms or mrs. but *no one* in your workplace uses ms /mrs /mr / dr so it's just *weird*.
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nta.
i wonder if the people responding have never been in an office setting? particularly one with clients? if you have one person referred to as ms. potter while everyone else is going by their first name, it can very much lead to misconceptions or situations where that person will be deferred to as the one in a position of power.
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alison green at "ask a manager" answered a question very similar to yours a couple of years ago.
[here's the letter, and her response.](https://www.askamanager.org/2014/02/new-employee-insists-we-call-her-mrs.html)
[here's an update in which we find out why the person insisted on being addressed as mrs.!](https://www.askamanager.org/2014/03/
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i can’t remember the last time i called someone mr/ms and i’ve been working for years. no one is going to want to work with her if she acts like that. nta, she sounds high maintenance
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i am clearly in the minority but i think nta. to me this isn’t so much as a chosen form of address but a lack of adjusting to a business setting. each office/business/work place is different and one should be able to pick up cues as to how to behave within those norms. it’s almost more of a disservice to ginny that her manager has not discussed this with her in terms of her overall professional development.
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aside from trying to prove a point that you're going to disrespect her based on rank, why can't you call her mrs. potter?
yta for antagonizing and using rank in this way as you've clearly made it known she is below you and you do not respect her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.654729 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have been with a company for six years now. we are very informal with each other and have a fairly laid back culture. the company president is dave, my boss is lou, i tell employees who call me mr. smith (fake name) that my name is dennis and that there is no need for formality. we recently hired a new employee. the fake name i will give her for this post is ginny potter. in coming on board with us, ginny signed all of her e-mails ms. potter. when she answers the phone it's, "good afternoon, this is ms. potter speaking." when she calls me, it's, "good morning, dennis, this is ms. potter." and my response is always, "good morning, ginny, how can i help you?" if i send an e-mail to ginny, the response is signed by **ms. potter**. emphasis hers. she is three levels below me in a different line of report in terms of company hierarchy. so her supervisor's boss reports to someone on the same level as me, if that makes sense. it got back to me that she thinks i'm disrespectful for not calling her ms. potter when i speak to her. when i spoke to others about it, most state that they just ignore it, don't use a name to address her, respond to her queries, and let her call herself what she wants. my boss thinks it's idiotic and that she's not at any level within the company to demand that. when i told my wife, she replied that it's obviously a button for this woman and i'm being an asshole by antagonizing her. my counterpoint to this is that nobody in the company gets addressed formally and if i don't call my boss or his boss by anything but their first names, i'm not going to formally address another employee several layers down the hierarchy.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have been with a company for six years now. we are very informal with each other and have a fairly laid back culture. the company president is dave, my boss is lou, i tell employees who call me mr. smith (fake name) that my name is dennis and that there is no need for formality. we recently hired a new employee. the fake name i will give her for this post is ginny potter. in coming on board with us, ginny signed all of her e-mails ms. potter. when she answers the phone it's, "good afternoon, this is ms. potter speaking." when she calls me, it's, "good morning, dennis, this is ms. potter." and my response is always, "good morning, ginny, how can i help you?" if i send an e-mail to ginny, the response is signed by **ms. potter**. emphasis hers. she is three levels below me in a different line of report in terms of company hierarchy. so her supervisor's boss reports to someone on the same level as me, if that makes sense. it got back to me that she thinks i'm disrespectful for not calling her ms. potter when i speak to her. when i spoke to others about it, most state that they just ignore it, don't use a name to address her, respond to her queries, and let her call herself what she wants. my boss thinks it's idiotic and that she's not at any level within the company to demand that. when i told my wife, she replied that it's obviously a button for this woman and i'm being an asshole by antagonizing her. my counterpoint to this is that nobody in the company gets addressed formally and if i don't call my boss or his boss by anything but their first names, i'm not going to formally address another employee several layers down the hierarchy. [/INST] yta she’s being very polite about how she wants to be addressed and you’re taking a crap all over it. she wants to be ms. call her ms. your position doesn’t excuse this behavior in fact it makes it worse. </s>
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AITA for changing my wife’s clothing sizes without telling her?
|
my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that.
she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. )
i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts.
i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did.
i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days.
aita?
| 12,910 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c28bm0/aita_for_changing_my_wifes_clothing_sizes_without/
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2019-06-18 21:42:48
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yta but i feel for you. the correct course of action imo would have just been to tell her directly she's no longer those sizes and not make a fool out of her. there might have been a good chance of meltdown but it would at least have been productive. sorry dude good luck.
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yta.
i don't think that you're actually an asshole - just in this particular situation.
can you imagine what her sister/mom/friend/co-worker/neighbor thought when she proudly told them that she's lost some weight and fits into her size 6's again? they either thought she was nuts, stupid, delusional, or something else - we aren't talking about the difference between a 6/7/8 - but you said she is more like a 10/12 - i am a 10/12, and if i ever told someone i was a size 6 they would think i was a big fat liar...a size 10/12 liar.
you made her feel stupid. you made her feel ashamed. you made her think about any moment she mentioned losing weight to anyone. she feels embarrassed.
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esh - your wife should’ve accepted the fact she had put on weight and if unhappy then the appropriate action would be to do something about it. you, even well intentioned, shouldn’t have changed the tag on one item of clothing let alone more. this had probably affected her body image even more so.
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you obviously don't mean to be the asshole, but yta anyway.
that is such the wrong way to handle this.
because you did lie to her and treat her like an idiot. i feel bad for you though, you just made a really dumb mistake, and she ought be talking to you by now.
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nah - she’s very self conscious and in denial like you said, so finding out she was actually wearing bigger sizes it probably really hurt for her. all of a sudden what she was refusing to believe came true for her, she really is around a size 10. however, i do believe you were trying to help with the best of intentions. you tried to make your wife feel confident and comfortable when she was refusing to accept she had gained weight
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yta. you had good intentions but you straight up lied to her to keep her happy instead of being more mature and having a conversation with her.
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nah.
though your heart was in the right place, you gave your wife a temporary high at the expensive of making her feel like crap later. apologize.
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nta at all. what you were doing was out of pure love and good intentions. i think she might be more embarrassed than mad maybe? i think once she realizes that you were really just trying to boost her confidence and it was all out of a place of good intentions that she won’t be as mad. i personally think what you did was so so sweet and was a very wholesome and kind thing to do.
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esh, you did treat her like a child but i assume a very blunt "im bringing you size 12 instead" wouldn't have gone down very well. id say you need to stop enabling her and she needs a reality check because weight doesn't just "go away"
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yta but your heart was in the right place
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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ESH
|
YTA
| 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that. she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. ) i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts. i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did. i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has gained some weight over the last year, and keeps beating herself up over it. she’s always sadly talking about her sizes and calling herself too big. she lost her excitement with shopping and a few months ago i guess i made a step to change that. she’s always asking me to get things for her while she’s in the dressing room, new sizes etc. she told me to get a pair of jean shorts for her in a size 6 (this size is too small for her now by a lot. she’s kind of in denial about this and always asks for a size 6 and then gets very upset when it won’t fit at all. she’s more of a size 10 or 12 now. ) i don’t know... i got a bigger size and changed the sticker on the jeans so it said size 6. when it fit she was so happy and kept showing me and saying she’s so proud. she said she must have lost weight but doesn’t know what she did. she bought them feeling very confident with herself. when we got home, i cut the tag off the shorts. i didn’t mean to but a few times after that i did it again. i guess it was part wanting to see my wife happy and part not knowing how to deal with the same meltdown happening every time. she looks really beautiful even if she gained some weight. i kept doing this and only recently did she realize that the tags on her clothes are missing. she asked me about it and i said i didn’t know, maybe the store doesn’t use them, but she googled the store and proved they did. i had to come clean and now she’s furious. she keeps saying i’m an asshole and treating her like an idiot, lied to her, stuff like that. my heart is broken too. we haven’t spoken in days. aita? [/INST] yta but i feel for you. the correct course of action imo would have just been to tell her directly she's no longer those sizes and not make a fool out of her. there might have been a good chance of meltdown but it would at least have been productive. sorry dude good luck. </s>
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AITA because my husband saw my post and says he wants to leave me and sue me? Says he wants an annulment and is considering suing me for defamation of character.
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he says it's only a matter of time before someone leaks his name. he saw the post through an old friend of his who knew he had a micropenis and saw on his fb that he had just gotten married. he doesn't know who else the guy has told to link him to it. i feel like i am the asshole. he is crushed that i posted about him.
*update to original post: i confronted him last week about intentionally keeping this from me and he said he was sure i would leave him if i knew about the size prior to the wedding. and that he wanted to talk before the wedding but feared it being called off because of his micropenis and said if both families found out/gossiped about it he would be crushed. which is basically what i did with the entire world via reddit, but he didn't know this until last night because i never told him that i posted on reddit when we talked.
| 21,882 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/arxwi6/aita_because_my_husband_saw_my_post_and_says_he/
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2019-02-18 14:45:48
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nta
wow. op keeps getting fucked without ever getting fucked. i hope your nightmare is over soon.
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nta. now that you know he intentionally hid it from you, the best thing for you to do would be to leave him. he tried to trap you into marriage without telling you something that is honestly very important. there’s no limit to what else he will hide from you to manipulate you. seek the annulment yourself and talk to a lawyer, even though i don’t think he has any grounds for a defamation lawsuit.
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nta and he probly wont sue you, because that would mean everyone you both know will get to know he got a micropenis.
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nta. he's being a huge dick, probably to compensate.
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link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/anyom1/aita_newlywed_husband_32m_wanted_to_wait_til/
reminder if you don't link your originals i hate you
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nta
if he can identify himself through your story, that means that his only two distinguishing features are a) he has a micropenis and b) he deliberately hid this fact from you to make sure you got married.
seriously, there was almost nothing of substance in your original post about his personality. but how much do you want to bet he’s tried this tactic with other women before, and that is how his friend figured it out?
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nta and tbh the annulment is probably doing you a favour.
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ha! sue you for defamation of character? it's only defamation if it's not true.
nta.
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yo dude get your marriage annulled. he lied and he's mad he got caught.
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nta
**he** is the one who wronged **you** by withholding a serious medical condition which is very much relevant to a married couple. if he has an inch-and-a-quarter erect penis, that's not just "small", that's legitimately going to cause issues trying to conceive, let alone sexual satisfaction with your marriage.
that, and i guarantee it's going to go further now that you know his tiny little secret. how long until he starts to get jealous about you talking to or hanging out with male friends or coworkers? before, he was confident you wouldn't cheat because you didn't know. now? it's going to prey on his mind. expect a lot of accusations of betrayal even if you decide to stay with him.
and frankly, i wouldn't were i you. he withheld something he knew might be a dealbreaker until after you shelled out the money for a wedding, honeymoon, and invited your family and friends to witness your "special day". prior to the marriage actually happening, you could have broken it off relatively quietly without naming a specific reason. now, you've been emotionally and financially trapped in a marriage because he didn't feel like you deserved to know the truth before it'd take a significant financial and emotional burden to break things off.
this is textbook manipulation.
"how dare you be upset and confused about something you should have known from him prior to marriage!? why next, you're going to expect him to be truthful about other things!" /s
it's not even the micropenis which is the big issue. it's the blatant lie about something fairly important to your marriage: he lied to you for a year about this. what else will he be willing to lie about due to his pride? if he loses a shitload of money and maybe even the house, will you only find out the day the bank forecloses and the day your car gets repo'd?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: he says it's only a matter of time before someone leaks his name. he saw the post through an old friend of his who knew he had a micropenis and saw on his fb that he had just gotten married. he doesn't know who else the guy has told to link him to it. i feel like i am the asshole. he is crushed that i posted about him. *update to original post: i confronted him last week about intentionally keeping this from me and he said he was sure i would leave him if i knew about the size prior to the wedding. and that he wanted to talk before the wedding but feared it being called off because of his micropenis and said if both families found out/gossiped about it he would be crushed. which is basically what i did with the entire world via reddit, but he didn't know this until last night because i never told him that i posted on reddit when we talked.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
he says it's only a matter of time before someone leaks his name. he saw the post through an old friend of his who knew he had a micropenis and saw on his fb that he had just gotten married. he doesn't know who else the guy has told to link him to it. i feel like i am the asshole. he is crushed that i posted about him. *update to original post: i confronted him last week about intentionally keeping this from me and he said he was sure i would leave him if i knew about the size prior to the wedding. and that he wanted to talk before the wedding but feared it being called off because of his micropenis and said if both families found out/gossiped about it he would be crushed. which is basically what i did with the entire world via reddit, but he didn't know this until last night because i never told him that i posted on reddit when we talked. [/INST] nta wow. op keeps getting fucked without ever getting fucked. i hope your nightmare is over soon. </s>
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AITA for "being a disney dad"?
|
i had a daughter 9 years ago. my girlfriend and i broke up before we knew she was pregnant and by the time my daughter was born she was dating another guy. he seemed like a nice guy and wanted to be in my daughters life and i wasn't interested in staying in her life so we all just agreed that it would be best if he would raise her instead however i didn't give up my rights because i was afraid i'd regret it some day.
i was right because as time passed i started to regret my decision and decided to meet my daughter and she wanted to meet me as well.
this has so far been the best decision i ever made. she is adorable and i love her so much. this summer i asked her mom if i could take her to a trip. ever since we returned from our trip my ex has been stopping me from seeing my daughter, always making excuses like she is busy with homework or she is not home now.
yesterday my daughter called me and angrily asked why i left again. i asked her what she means and she said that's what her mom told her.
i called her mom and blew up at her and asked her why she would say that to her and she started yelling at me and saying i made their life so much harder by "being a disney dad" because my daughter keeps comparing me and her stepdad and asks him why he doesn't play with her or take her to a trip and recently she has stopped calling him dad and then hung up the phone
| 4,639 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9p1i/aita_for_being_a_disney_dad/
|
2022-10-06 16:35:40
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yta
they are right. you can't just waltz into her life for the fun stuff. you ignored the child for the first 9 years. if you want a relationship, you start by spending time together day to day, not whisking her off for vacations.
you said it's too early for you to take her 50%, but why is it not too early to take her for a whole week on a vacation? if you're serious, then take her one day a week and gradually build your relationship. have you been paying child support these past 9 years?
|
esh
you for abandoning her during the hard part of raising a child and only showing up for the fun stuff, her for lying about you abandoning your kid.
yall need to work out a proper custody and child support arrangement with the courts if you are actually going to be in her life.
|
esh
you suck for abandoning your child and thinking you can just show up and play dad whenever it's convenient for you.
she sucks for letting this situation get here. you've only been back in her life for 4 months and her mom let you take her on a trip?? a complete stranger who took 9 years to decide to show up, what kind of parent thinks that's a good idea?
yall need to go to court and get visitation settled and you need to pay up or shut up. i'm hoping my assumption that you haven't been paying child support is not true, otherwise 9 years of back child support is going to hurt.
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i mean, 9 years is a long time for her to raise a child and for you to come in and do only the fun stuff. you are being a disney dad and while i don't think it's necessarily bad, i think it's unfair to the mother of your child and the family dynamic at play. you're not really raising her. if you want a bigger role, you should ask for custody but right now, i'd say yta
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have you paid the 9 years of back child support yet? if you did that, her dad/step dad would be able to take her to do fun things rather than spend all his money on on the boring stuff like food, clothing, shelter, medical bills, school fees, and other basic needs. yes, yta.
|
esh
you kind of are a disney dad and this is going to hurt her and her actual parents the most. they've put in the time and effort to raise and love her and you take her on a trip and visit a few times and she adores you because seeing you is an event.
your ex shouldn't be withholding her from you and lying to her. you both need to talk with each other and her. you need to set up visitation or rules or boundaries on your visits and work this out.
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info how old is your daughters and when did you decide to come into to her life?
did you pay child support the whole time? do you pay now?
other than taking her on trips how active are you in her life? meaning do you just drop in to give her gifts and then send her back to the real world or are you an active person in her life?
not saying that your ex is right to lie but i think the answer to these questions are important.
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so…you missed the late night feedings, the diaper changes, the sleep deprivation, the sicknesses, the tantrums, all the firsts, etc…and now you just wanna waltz in and play daddy for the “good part?“ yeah, yta.
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info: why don’t you take your daughter half of the time? she needs you in her life.
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esh but mostly you, you abandoned your daughter for 9 years showed up out of nowhere and aren't even acknowledging how much trauma you've caused this kid by doing this, and ya your daughters got a whole fucking life established shes not gonna be available to go have fun with you all the time. you really do seem like a disney dad only showing up because your daughters fun and adorable but not facing any of the hard stuff like how fucking consumed youre making her showing up after nine years. this is going to be an.unpleaseant and difficult transition for everyone, kids aren't fun/adorable 90 percent of the time get with it.
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.059867 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had a daughter 9 years ago. my girlfriend and i broke up before we knew she was pregnant and by the time my daughter was born she was dating another guy. he seemed like a nice guy and wanted to be in my daughters life and i wasn't interested in staying in her life so we all just agreed that it would be best if he would raise her instead however i didn't give up my rights because i was afraid i'd regret it some day. i was right because as time passed i started to regret my decision and decided to meet my daughter and she wanted to meet me as well. this has so far been the best decision i ever made. she is adorable and i love her so much. this summer i asked her mom if i could take her to a trip. ever since we returned from our trip my ex has been stopping me from seeing my daughter, always making excuses like she is busy with homework or she is not home now. yesterday my daughter called me and angrily asked why i left again. i asked her what she means and she said that's what her mom told her. i called her mom and blew up at her and asked her why she would say that to her and she started yelling at me and saying i made their life so much harder by "being a disney dad" because my daughter keeps comparing me and her stepdad and asks him why he doesn't play with her or take her to a trip and recently she has stopped calling him dad and then hung up the phone
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had a daughter 9 years ago. my girlfriend and i broke up before we knew she was pregnant and by the time my daughter was born she was dating another guy. he seemed like a nice guy and wanted to be in my daughters life and i wasn't interested in staying in her life so we all just agreed that it would be best if he would raise her instead however i didn't give up my rights because i was afraid i'd regret it some day. i was right because as time passed i started to regret my decision and decided to meet my daughter and she wanted to meet me as well. this has so far been the best decision i ever made. she is adorable and i love her so much. this summer i asked her mom if i could take her to a trip. ever since we returned from our trip my ex has been stopping me from seeing my daughter, always making excuses like she is busy with homework or she is not home now. yesterday my daughter called me and angrily asked why i left again. i asked her what she means and she said that's what her mom told her. i called her mom and blew up at her and asked her why she would say that to her and she started yelling at me and saying i made their life so much harder by "being a disney dad" because my daughter keeps comparing me and her stepdad and asks him why he doesn't play with her or take her to a trip and recently she has stopped calling him dad and then hung up the phone [/INST] yta they are right. you can't just waltz into her life for the fun stuff. you ignored the child for the first 9 years. if you want a relationship, you start by spending time together day to day, not whisking her off for vacations. you said it's too early for you to take her 50%, but why is it not too early to take her for a whole week on a vacation? if you're serious, then take her one day a week and gradually build your relationship. have you been paying child support these past 9 years? </s>
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AITA for introducing my boyfriend's parents as "Grandma and Grandpa" to my son?
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this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him.
by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me.
i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out.
we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z64yd5/aita_for_introducing_my_boyfriends_parents_as/
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2022-11-27 16:07:53
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yta
you basically made the decision that jay and his family are now your son’s family all on your own, with no discussion beforehand, and that is why everyone is upset. while i’m sure no one is against the idea outright, the “formal nonsense” is a very necessary step when it comes to merging families. and to be honest, you probably need to have a serious discussion with jay about where this is heading sooner rather than later if both his parents and your sister did not think you two were that serious. what if he does not actually see himself as a father to your child, or does not see the relationship that seriously either? this is why we need the “formal nonsense”, and talking it through with everyone involved.
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#yikes
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yta. that's a major leap to introduce them with those terms when they don't fulfill that role. and the fact that he may one day be stepdad doesn't mean he's dad unless you had a serious discussion about if he will take on that role.
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are you really shocked that the parents of a 25 year old aren't ready to be called "grandma and grandpa" yet?
yta. you massively overstepped. it was not your place to introduce them at all, and especially not without asking if they were okay with that title.
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wow wow wow yta. how extremely awkward.
also, did you think for half a second how devastated your son will be when you guys break up and "grandma and grandpa" are no longer in his life...how utterly confusing for him.
you didn't think about anyone but yourself and your childish fantasy. yta big-time.
you created an unnecessary core memory for your poor son. he'll likely never forget the moment he was introduced to people you called his "grandparents", and will develop feelings of rejection and abandonment all because of your selfishness.
and even though i'm a woman, if i were your boyfriend i would break up with you over this. there was a line and you just trah-la-la skipped over that line.
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let me get this straight.
1) you’ve been dating jay for a year and a half.
2) you’ve only met jay’s parents three times and this is the first time they’ve met your son
3) you introduced people your son has never met as his grandparents
4) you are waiting on an apology because you blindsided everyone with this proclamation.
yeah yta and i’m really not sure why you think everyone else is.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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yta. it's quite a big assumption for you to have your kid refer to anyone by grandma/grandpa. you should've run it by your boyfriend beforehand.
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yta - you always, always discuss those things with everybody involved.
and, by the way, you should not be waiting for an apology. you should be apologizing to him.
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this post put me into a full-body cringe. yta and you owe everyone, including your son, an apology.
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yta, that as a massive over reach, just shocking. you need to apologize, i am sorry, it may have been unintentional but that was so wrong.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him. by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me. i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out. we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this last thursday i (29 f) went over to my boyfriend "jay's" (25 m) house for thanksgiving and brought my son (4) with me. i and jay have been together for a year and a half now, and he is the most amazing man in the world. he's been amazing with my son (his bio father is not in his life) and i can genuinely see him as "the one". jay's parents came over as well. it's not that i don't get along with them, it's just i have only ever seen them 3 times before this thanksgiving. i have not had any time to really bond with them i guess. they had never met my son in person either, but they both knew about him. by the time i arrived jay's parents were already there and helping him finish up dinner. we greeted each other and jay's dad asked "and who's this little guy." i introduced them to my son and then introduced jay's parents as "grandma and grandpa" to my precious boy. i didn't notice at the time, but all three of them became quiet almost immediately. i ended up waiting in the living room alone for almost half an hour before dinner and things just were incredibly awkward for the rest of the night. my son did end up calling his parents by grandpa and grandma and i quickly noticed both of them would be very disingenuous and awkward about it over dinner but they did not say anything to me about it. they didn't stick around for long after either but when they left both were very cold to me. i asked jay what was their deal and he lost it at me. he claims i put him in an incredibly awkward position. his parents apparently didn't think we were "that serious" yet and began to question him if i was only using him as a "replacement daddy." he said that it was way out of line to introduce them that way without even talking to him beforehand. i think it's ridiculous. if one day he's going to be my son's stepdad then why go through this formal nonsense? he claimed that's "not the point" and we ended up fighting till i stormed out. we have not talked since and i have simply been waiting for an apology. i talked with my sister about it last night and she said she was mortified to hear this. saying she also didn't geat the read that we were all that serious and she never felt like jay intended to take on a "dad" role. this has got me questioning if i was wrong. [/INST] yta you basically made the decision that jay and his family are now your son’s family all on your own, with no discussion beforehand, and that is why everyone is upset. while i’m sure no one is against the idea outright, the “formal nonsense” is a very necessary step when it comes to merging families. and to be honest, you probably need to have a serious discussion with jay about where this is heading sooner rather than later if both his parents and your sister did not think you two were that serious. what if he does not actually see himself as a father to your child, or does not see the relationship that seriously either? this is why we need the “formal nonsense”, and talking it through with everyone involved. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that she shouldn't be worried about delivering a big baby because my mother did it three times with no problem?
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we had an ultrasound last week. our son measured over 8 pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks. she was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a c-section if he ends up being that big. she is also worried about having to deliver him vaginally if a c-section isn't required because he will be so large.
she has been upset about it for days and i told her that i thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over 9 pounds. she even did it naturally.
that apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown. i was told i was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns, which i don't get.
those scans from what i have read aren't even that accurate, so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it. the baby is going to grow as much as it grows.
i still suggested that she speak to my mom about her experience because i knew that she'd assure her it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. she said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but i asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. she also got upset over this.
i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, i thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies.
| 5,802 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3sy90/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_shouldnt_be/
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2020-08-04 22:08:29
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yta
every womans body is different. every womans uterus, cervix, and vagina is different. every womans pain tolerance is different. not everyone can push out a ten pounder and all you're doing is comparing her to your mother.
jfc pick up a book and learn how to be supportive of your pregnant wife.
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if the doctor told you that you were going to take a solid 10 pound shit, would you be worried?
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yta. hugely. just because one woman had a certain experience does not mean it will be easy for your wife and it's certainly not 'nothing to worry about'. instead of supporting her and acknowledging her feelings you basically just told her they weren't valid. giving birth for the first time is frightening and knowing about potential complications makes it even more so. then you got your mommy to intervene even though your wife explicitly asked you not to. you have a lot of growing up to do, and fast.
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yta. your mom and wife are presumably different women with different bodies. also, when in human history has telling someone who is worried not to worry actually helped them not worry? being supportive is saying, i hear you, it's okay to be nervous, and i will be there with you and support you before, during and after.
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what could possibly be upsetting to a pregnant woman about having a man tell her childbirth will be easier than she thinks? /s
yta
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yta
women *die* during childbirth.
one womans experience does not relate to another.
and honestly, comparing your wife to your mother is *creepy as hell*
if you're not a troll, you need a reality check.
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> she said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but i asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. she also got upset over this.
wonder if we can get any 300 iq geniuses in here to figure out why.
>i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, i thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies.
sure. understandable and thoughtful. but you phrased it horribly, and you didn't back down when that tactic didn't work. "don't be afraid because somebody else has done it" clearly didn't seal the deal but that doesn't seem to stop you from pushing it.
yta.
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yta - 10lbs!!!!! my sister was 10lbs 10oz and i was there for the delivery and it was not easy!!!!!!
the size of the person doesn't matter it's the ~~hip~~ pelvic size. 10lbs is a large baby and will destroy her lady parts. i crossed my legs when i saw that size, and my largest was 6lbs (and i was drugged up and i only had a 1hr labor/delivery..it still sucked).
go buy your wife some flowers and apologize profusely for mansplaining blown out vaginas!
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okay, prepare yourself for this:
yta
and oh boy are you the asshole. your wife is having her first child and it's her body that is about to go through the ringer. not yours.
she is not your mother.
let me repeat that because it's important: *your wife is not your mother.* no two pregnancies are the same. your wife's body is not your mother's body (if it was, that would be gross, right?), and neither one of their bodies are yours to determine what's worth making a fuss about.
i promise you that the last thing your wife wanted to hear was "don't worry my mom did this three times and she's perfect lol stop being irrational." those might not have been your exact words but that is exactly what you're saying.
dismissing a spouse's fear - especially about something concerning *their own damn body* - is not healthy partnership behavior. comparing your wife to your mother is not the compliment you think it is. going against your wife's clearly spoken desire not to talk to your mother about it by having your mom call her? are you trying to sabotage the marriage? because this is how you sabotage a marriage.
if you want to repair the relationship i suggest some severe introspection, making major attempts to empathize with your wife, and some heartfelt apologies. she is stressed out and afraid from making a gigantic baby. she doesn't need your shit.
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yta. her doctor - who is intimately familiar with your wife's anatomy - has told her that this is something that she needs to be prepared for, but for some reason, you think that one anecdotal example means she doesn't need to worry? any labour is a physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting experience, and the last thing your wife needs is her dick of a husband downplaying legitimate concerns raised by her doctor.
apologize and educate yourself.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we had an ultrasound last week. our son measured over 8 pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks. she was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a c-section if he ends up being that big. she is also worried about having to deliver him vaginally if a c-section isn't required because he will be so large. she has been upset about it for days and i told her that i thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over 9 pounds. she even did it naturally. that apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown. i was told i was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns, which i don't get. those scans from what i have read aren't even that accurate, so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it. the baby is going to grow as much as it grows. i still suggested that she speak to my mom about her experience because i knew that she'd assure her it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. she said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but i asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. she also got upset over this. i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, i thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we had an ultrasound last week. our son measured over 8 pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks. she was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a c-section if he ends up being that big. she is also worried about having to deliver him vaginally if a c-section isn't required because he will be so large. she has been upset about it for days and i told her that i thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over 9 pounds. she even did it naturally. that apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown. i was told i was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns, which i don't get. those scans from what i have read aren't even that accurate, so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it. the baby is going to grow as much as it grows. i still suggested that she speak to my mom about her experience because i knew that she'd assure her it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. she said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but i asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. she also got upset over this. i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, i thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies. [/INST] yta every womans body is different. every womans uterus, cervix, and vagina is different. every womans pain tolerance is different. not everyone can push out a ten pounder and all you're doing is comparing her to your mother. jfc pick up a book and learn how to be supportive of your pregnant wife. </s>
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AITA for removing my sister from the bridal party because she won't wear the bridesmaids dress?
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my fiance (28m) and i (26f) are getting married in late august, and the planning is going great.
i asked my sister (24f) to be one of my bridesmaids, since we have always been very close. however, a couple of weeks ago, i had to ask her to leave the bridal party.
the dress i selected for my bridesmaids is very summery: pink, strapless, and knee-length. however, a few years ago, my sister converted to a very conservative church, and her new church has very strict modesty rules that do not allow her to show her arms, legs, or any of her chest or back.
we argued over the bridesmaid dress, with her offering to wear leggings under the dress and have the top altered or wear a cardigan. i said no, as this would look very strange in my bridal party photos, and since she refused to wear the original dress, i asked her to leave the bridal party.
my sister has been really upset, and now she feels like she shouldn't come to the wedding at all. but at the same time, i feel like her duty as a bridesmaid is to wear what i want her to, so i had the right to ask her to leave the party.
aita??
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sbrysp/aita_for_removing_my_sister_from_the_bridal_party/
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2022-01-24 17:51:19
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yta. can’t believe i’m sticking up for a religious exemption, but what if it was a hijab? if you’re more invested in your uniform bridal photo than your sister, you should probably reassess.
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i'm an atheist but i'm also a former caterer who got sick of dealing with brides, grooms and their parents a long time ago. you knew she wouldn't wear the dress when you picked it out. you don't want her in your wedding party. just admit it
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yta. listen, i get it. i was raised mormon and have since left, so i can see both sides of where you guys are at, but ultimately here’s what it comes down to. your sister has a sincerely held religious belief. you are have picked a dress that, if she wore it as is, would violate her beliefs. she’s not asking you to change everyone else’s dresses—she’s only asking you not to make her violate her religious beliefs. and you won’t because…pictures? can you hear yourself? you’re choosing pictures over your own sister? choose a dress in the same color that’s a little longer with sleeves, or let her wear a cardigan and leggings. are “perfect” photos worth damaging your relationship with your sister forever over?
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strapless dresses suck.
there...l said it. why? ask any wedding photographer how many nipples they have to cover. ask any girl how many times she's hiking her dress up during the course of the event. and then there's the issue of finding undergarments (good luck) that are over-priced and don't do the job they were intended to do.
that rant over, yta.
you went into this dress decision already knowing that it was not viable to your sister. this tells me you decided ahead of time on one outcome....you never wanted your sister to be a bridesmaid! you found a convenient way to place the blame on her when it was your decision all along.
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yta you knew how your sister dressed and still chose a dress she couldn't wear. sounds like you chose it deliberately to start drama.
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info:
was the dress selected **before** asking your sister to join the bridal party? or **after**?
this makes a difference in if you're at fault or if she's at fault. if the dress was selected **before** asking your sister, then she's trying to drive the dress code against your will.
but if it was selected **after**, then you've put her into a corner trying to drive how she dresses *against her stated beliefs.*
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a friend of mine solved this problem with an airy, light pink shawl thrown over the shoulders. it looked beautiful and did not detract in any way. in fact, one other bridesmaid bought the shawl extra as a light cover-up to wear during the reception.
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yeah, nah. just sit your sister down and let her know that she will never be as important to you as it is for everyone in some photos to look a certain way. those wedding pictures are forever, unlike a sister. she's just trash now, right?
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your wedding your choice. your right to decide outfits for your wedding party.
her body her choice. her right to decide what to wear.
nah
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NAH
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (28m) and i (26f) are getting married in late august, and the planning is going great. i asked my sister (24f) to be one of my bridesmaids, since we have always been very close. however, a couple of weeks ago, i had to ask her to leave the bridal party. the dress i selected for my bridesmaids is very summery: pink, strapless, and knee-length. however, a few years ago, my sister converted to a very conservative church, and her new church has very strict modesty rules that do not allow her to show her arms, legs, or any of her chest or back. we argued over the bridesmaid dress, with her offering to wear leggings under the dress and have the top altered or wear a cardigan. i said no, as this would look very strange in my bridal party photos, and since she refused to wear the original dress, i asked her to leave the bridal party. my sister has been really upset, and now she feels like she shouldn't come to the wedding at all. but at the same time, i feel like her duty as a bridesmaid is to wear what i want her to, so i had the right to ask her to leave the party. aita??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (28m) and i (26f) are getting married in late august, and the planning is going great. i asked my sister (24f) to be one of my bridesmaids, since we have always been very close. however, a couple of weeks ago, i had to ask her to leave the bridal party. the dress i selected for my bridesmaids is very summery: pink, strapless, and knee-length. however, a few years ago, my sister converted to a very conservative church, and her new church has very strict modesty rules that do not allow her to show her arms, legs, or any of her chest or back. we argued over the bridesmaid dress, with her offering to wear leggings under the dress and have the top altered or wear a cardigan. i said no, as this would look very strange in my bridal party photos, and since she refused to wear the original dress, i asked her to leave the bridal party. my sister has been really upset, and now she feels like she shouldn't come to the wedding at all. but at the same time, i feel like her duty as a bridesmaid is to wear what i want her to, so i had the right to ask her to leave the party. aita?? [/INST] yta. can’t believe i’m sticking up for a religious exemption, but what if it was a hijab? if you’re more invested in your uniform bridal photo than your sister, you should probably reassess. </s>
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AITA for not letting my sister have "custody" of her bio kids, who I adopted?
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when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated.
when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, *alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away.
it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents.
annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do.
it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids.
| 23,023 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6c8ey/aita_for_not_letting_my_sister_have_custody_of/
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2020-10-06 19:54:38
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nta nta nta nta and please stand your ground. you have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years. you are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from annie. ppd is totally possible, but even with ppd, had annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. being a parent is not something to get to be wishywashy about.
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nta. you’re the parents. she’s bored and looking to do a little fun bonding. protect your kids. she’s an aunt at the table at christmas, by her own choices.
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no way. you’re nta at all. those girls already started their life off with a parent that wasn’t present mentally and basically gave them up... they don’t deserve to have their life be uprooted again with someone so unpredictable. that’s just my opinion. parents that step in and out of their children’s lives are the worst!
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[deleted]
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nta at all. she gave up her rights. she wasn't interested at all for 5 years. doesn't seem like she was much interested before that. it would be a terrible thing for the kids to be uprooted from their home environment and their siblings again particularly with the chance that annie will rediscover that having children requires time and effort and that being a parent makes her miserable all over again.
you are doing the right thing to protect your kids from your flaky sister. your parents also aren't the girls parents - they don't get a say. they enabled annie and declined to keep the girls themselves, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. annie is no longer the person that matters, sophie and laura do and that kind of back and forth does not sound like a good idea.
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nta. ppd my ass, not wanting to be a parent is not ppd its selfish lazy ass teenager. the children do not need this type of upheaval in their lives she can have a relationship with them when they turn 18 if that's what they want.
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nta.
those girls are not her children. they are your children, and they are part of a larger family in which they sound to be thriving.
you make the decisions for your children. their aunts sudden desire to bond and take on a parental role is not indicative of a relationship with reality.
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so wait, she lost her job and had to move back in with her parents, but she thinks now she should be allowed to raise these kids? how the heck would that work?? she's in no better a position now to raise them than she was 5 years ago, and you can't just give up your kids until it's convenient for you to raise them again. sure, let her have a relationship with them, eventually, (assuming she calms down about wanting them back and she's able to fill a more aunt like role) but these kids are a part of a family now and it's not fair to anyone to remove them from that, especially the girls. what are your parents even thinking supporting this? and obviously, nta
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nta. she gave up all rights to the kids. you could let her visit them as a favor, but ultimately sophie and laura are your kids now. annie left them when it mattered most. for 5 years. if this were an open adoption where you weren’t related to annie, everyone would be horrified by this behavior. being family doesn’t give you a pass to be an ah.
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nta - they are your kids. were it me i would give my sister the chance to be a loving and involved aunt (which is her role) with the understanding that she is not to undermine my authority/role as a parent or the kids will not be allowed to spend time with her.
until the kids are old enough to make their own decision about this you have to do what is best for them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated. when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, *alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away. it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do. it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when my sister, annie, was 18, and i was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, sophie. she developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. when annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of sophie. as mum took on more childcare, annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy). then within 6 months of sophie's birth, annie got pregnant again with another girl, laura, and the cycle of ppd symptoms, mum taking over, and annie's mood improving repeated. when laura was 2 and sophie was 3, annie decided to move out of our parent's home, *alone*, and said she wanted our parents to adopt/raise her daughters. they said no. annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. my husband and i already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more, so we offered to take them in, and annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away. it's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. it was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. sophie and laura are 7 and 8, and annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. annie has now asked for "custody" of sophie and laura. i'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense, as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer). however, annie wants the girls to live with her. initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". again, we refused. given her insistence, we don't even want her around sophie and laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do. it's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least take them for overnight visits, saying that annie had ppd 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent. i've responded that we are not babysitters, we are sophie and laura's parents, they're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place. the response from my parents and annie is that i'm being unsympathetic to her ppd and i should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, sophie and laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing annie to bond with "her" kids. [/INST] nta nta nta nta and please stand your ground. you have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years. you are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from annie. ppd is totally possible, but even with ppd, had annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. being a parent is not something to get to be wishywashy about. </s>
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AITA for lying to my husband about going to the gym?
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ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh.
i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet.
now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling.
so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes .
he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away.
| 5,448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/se23f4/aita_for_lying_to_my_husband_about_going_to_the/
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2022-01-27 16:19:48
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yta...to yourself. you're in a relationship where you have to lie. you're in a relationship with a man who calls a gym to check up on you. you're in a relationship with someone who is not respecting your wishes and your contributions. be better to yourself by standing up for yourself.
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esh. your husband sounds controlling but that doesn't make it ok that you straight up lied to him about it. if you didn't want to go to the gym you should have told him that. you guys have issues you need to work out asap.
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esh.
you, for lying and not standing up for yourself. allowing him to pay for childcare and a gym, and then repeatedly making up reasons for not going. you could have had a simple conversation with him in regards to why you didn’t want to go or work out and that you hate it.
him, for displaying controlling behavior and treating you like a child. which, if my partner was lying and hiding stuff…i would want to find out as well and i’d probably do the same thing.
the trust in your relationship has been fundamentally broken.
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yta. you're not "an adult, god damn it." you're a tweenager promising to brush your teeth and are throwing a tantrum because you got caught with a bone-dry toothbrush. actually talk to your husband, explain your feelings towards exercise, and don't be surprised when your 2 hour breaks disappear. it's not a healthy relationship if he continues to pressure you to get in better shape after an honest heart to heart, but i don't think asking for you to last longer than an hour on a hike is a terribly burdensome request. you either care enough about joining him in his favorite hobbies or you don't. conversely he either accepts your current refusal to be honest, and your apparent future refusal to put effort into the activities he enjoys, or he doesn't..
either way you slice it you both have important decisions to make regarding this relationship.
(i personally dislike tracking family for technological and privacy reasons, but at least it was reciprocal and up front)
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yta, definitely. you made a promise, your husband paid money to allow you to keep it; you broke your promise, then you lied about it. you've had two months to "be an adult" and state your case, but you just lied over and over and over.
i do not blame your husband for walking away. you have established a pattern of being untrustworthy; no-one wants that in a partner. *especially* if that duplicity comes bundled with throwing away money that could have been used for something else; eg. something for you to actually do during your daily break.
(as for the "creepy and controlling" bit: both of you *offered* to let the other track your phone, and in both cases the other *declined*. he called the first gym... why? if it was to check up on your attendance, that could be considered controlling. but you don't say, so i have to assume that he was trying to set up payment for the next month, a completely innocent act.)
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yta.
i was going to say e s h but then i read some of your comments and changed my mind.
i think you are a compulsive liar. it is fine if you do not want to work out, but you lied repeatedly to your husband and used fictitious reasoning to perpetuate that lie. in the comments you said you were a "single mother", which doesn't make sense according to your post talking about your *husband* and that you were a stay at home mom. that is not the type of thing someone who is married with kids would say, but it's definitely the sort of thing a compulsive liar would say who accidentally revealed something important when they were getting called out on their lies.
so i don't believe anything you say, because you appear to have such a complicated relationship with the truth that it is too hard to figure out what is real and what is a lie. you are probably more out of shape than you said in this post, but really who knows. you are not reliable and not believable in any way if you say one thing in your post and something else in the comments.
i do not believe your relationship is going to get better until you can address your love of lying.
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esh.
he shouldn’t be pressuring you about the gym if you don’t want to go, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to him. you guys sound like you have much bigger problems than a gym bro and a sahm who doesn’t want to work out.
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yta. you're "an adult god damn it," so act like it and tell your husband that you're not interested in going to the gym, and while you support him doing his thing, you're not doing it. if you want a compromise, invest in a treadmill so you can get used to basic hikes.
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yta
1. you lied repeatedly to him - while he was paying for services.
2. your lack of communication skills - "you are an adult" then act like it and tell him no you don't want to.
3. you don't get the big deal? if your partner was to repeatedly lie to your face about things involving your time/spending would you not be concerned?
4. is it pressuring you if you said you were up for it and wanted to go and gave false reasons as to why you hadn't? i'd say probably not.
at the end of the day you are a liar, he might have some weird/obsessive body ideals but i know which one is more likely to wreck your relationship.
once the trust is broken it is very hard to get back. i wouldn't blame him for walking away.
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honestly yta for lying and after reading this and your comments you're coming off as bratty and entitled. your husband is being controlling and he sucks too. but i'd also be genuinely concerned if my partner wasn't healthy enough to make it an hour into a hike. that doesn't give him the right to track your phone and check up on the gym, but he does have a place to be concerned about your health. and the lying isn't acceptable either.
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.005155 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh. i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet. now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling. so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes . he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so here's the basics, i (27 f) have been married to my husband (34m) for two years. we have two kids (11m, he's adopted and 1m). and he's a super fit guy. he likes to go camping, hiking swimming etc with our adopted son, i think that's why he wanted to adopt a kid tbh. i am not overweight or anything, but i'm not exactly in good shape. we tried to go on a family camping trip last fall but after about an hour i was just destroyed and we had to go back to the car. i hate working out, i hate being sweaty and working hard. but he was really upset with me. he thought that i was keeping in shape during the day because i'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't understand how much work a baby is. he works in it so he spends all day sitting, not on his feet. now, i promised to get in better shape, so he started paying for a professional child career to come over and look after the baby for two hours a day to give me a break, and signed me up for a gym. but after a month he came home angry and told me he talked to the gym and they hadn't seen me come in once. i told him it was a mixed gym and i'm not comfortable working out around men. i promised him i'd join curves and actually work out, and offered him he could track my phone to prove i was going. he already insists on tracking our older son's phone, and lets me and our son track him. but ive always made excuses. i just think it's creepy and controlling. so i drive to the gym and i think... i hate the gym. i hate working out, and i'm an adult god damn it! so i just waited in my car. sometimes i wait in the café next to the gym or something. but i just haven't gone to the gym at al for the last two months. and he keeps asking me how i'm feeling and i keep saying it's great and i'm enjoying it. but yesterday he was waiting for me when i came home. he asked me how the gym was and i said it was great. he asked if i have any problems and i said no. asked me if i showered at the gym and i said yeah,. then he pulled out my gym bag. he took it out of my car two days ago. he realized i never washed my gym clothes . he's pissed, says i lied to him . i told him he kept pressuring me and it's making me really uncomfortable. he' been sleeping in his home office for the last week. i don't get the big deal, i told him i'll go to the gym for real but he says he doesn't care anymore and walks away. [/INST] yta...to yourself. you're in a relationship where you have to lie. you're in a relationship with a man who calls a gym to check up on you. you're in a relationship with someone who is not respecting your wishes and your contributions. be better to yourself by standing up for yourself. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother I met his new girlfriend at an AA meeting?
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my brother started dating this new girl and i realized i recognized her from aa. i’m not an addict, but my lawyer recommended i attend some aa meetings to help strengthen an ongoing case against me. i know it’s her because i remember her very unique name from the aa meeting and she also talked for a very long time.
i thought it was important to mention it to my brother is because i’m worried about her as a partner to him. in aa, she mentioned that not only did she use hard drugs, but also that she feels like she can’t control herself. she also admitted to drugs making her verbally aggressive and unstable emotionally, and at the time sue was not sober.
i know my brother, and i know that he holds himself and his partners to a high standard and that he hates drama in his relationship. i told him what she said and he broke up with her, and she basically stalked me and also called me an untrustworthy bitch who ruined her experience with aa. honestly i think i was just trying to help my brother out, but some of my friends think it was messed up for me to tell him. but i think it’s better for him to know what kind of person she is ahead of time. aita?
| 3,920 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j2670t/aita_for_telling_my_brother_i_met_his_new/
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2020-09-29 19:20:42
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yta, did you forget the second ‘a’ stands for ‘anonymous’?
most go to these things to get help, not to try and make a fake showing for court because they can’t get a dd.
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yta. you are a gigantic asshole. do you not know the definition of the word anonymous? it is completely wrong to reveal anything people talked about in those meetings! that is their safe space and you just violated it.
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yta the aa anonymity rule is fucking sacrosanct, how *dare* you violate the trust of people trying to get their life together? you absolutely disgust me.
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yta
you expect us to not hold a dui over your head and you went and did exactly that to somebody else? nothing like holding somebody's past mistakes over their head when they're trying to get help.
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yta
what you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here.
you broke a cardinal rule buddy
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yta. you messed up, big time. aa is based on trust. people who attend need to know that they can be fully honest in that room. you need to apologize and never go back there.
i think the reason you don’t realize how important the ‘contract’ is in aa because your only reason for being there is to make yourself look better when you’re in court. you don’t respect the process, or the strength it takes to be there.
also, yta for driving under the influence. seriously, how does that even happen in 2020?
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yta. aa is anonymous. it is never, ever ok to share any information about the people you meet there. it’s also disgusting that you are trying to downplay a dui you easily could have killed yourself or others.
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yta
i’m not gonna read all this. you broke protocol. aa is supposed to be anonymous so attendees feel safe enough to open up.
thanks for violating that.
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yta. you could have spoken directly to the girlfriend and let her know that you recognized her from the meeting privately, but you absolutely never break someone's trust like that. you violated the core of aa. i don't think you should ever go back to something like that because you obviously don't take the anonymity seriously. she may even have told your brother about her past when the time was right. you had no right to divulge her secret like that. you have some amends to make and i hope you learn a lesson from this incident and move forward a better, more considerate person. my heart breaks for that girl. she thought she was safe in recovery and your actions slapped her past right back into her face. i really hope that she is okay and doesn't relapse over this.
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yta. the meetings are supposed to be anonymous, it's literally in the name.
and you used the meetings only to help yourself get a more lenient sentence for a dui (which you don't even take the dui seriously).
you're definitely the ah.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother started dating this new girl and i realized i recognized her from aa. i’m not an addict, but my lawyer recommended i attend some aa meetings to help strengthen an ongoing case against me. i know it’s her because i remember her very unique name from the aa meeting and she also talked for a very long time. i thought it was important to mention it to my brother is because i’m worried about her as a partner to him. in aa, she mentioned that not only did she use hard drugs, but also that she feels like she can’t control herself. she also admitted to drugs making her verbally aggressive and unstable emotionally, and at the time sue was not sober. i know my brother, and i know that he holds himself and his partners to a high standard and that he hates drama in his relationship. i told him what she said and he broke up with her, and she basically stalked me and also called me an untrustworthy bitch who ruined her experience with aa. honestly i think i was just trying to help my brother out, but some of my friends think it was messed up for me to tell him. but i think it’s better for him to know what kind of person she is ahead of time. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother started dating this new girl and i realized i recognized her from aa. i’m not an addict, but my lawyer recommended i attend some aa meetings to help strengthen an ongoing case against me. i know it’s her because i remember her very unique name from the aa meeting and she also talked for a very long time. i thought it was important to mention it to my brother is because i’m worried about her as a partner to him. in aa, she mentioned that not only did she use hard drugs, but also that she feels like she can’t control herself. she also admitted to drugs making her verbally aggressive and unstable emotionally, and at the time sue was not sober. i know my brother, and i know that he holds himself and his partners to a high standard and that he hates drama in his relationship. i told him what she said and he broke up with her, and she basically stalked me and also called me an untrustworthy bitch who ruined her experience with aa. honestly i think i was just trying to help my brother out, but some of my friends think it was messed up for me to tell him. but i think it’s better for him to know what kind of person she is ahead of time. aita? [/INST] yta, did you forget the second ‘a’ stands for ‘anonymous’? most go to these things to get help, not to try and make a fake showing for court because they can’t get a dd. </s>
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AITA I got mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview
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i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant.
i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth.
today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary.
there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform.
i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation.
just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam
it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it.
i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter.
she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home.
aita?
| 24,433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qfazb4/aita_i_got_mad_at_my_wife_because_she_caused_me/
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2021-10-25 06:55:01
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nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money?
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do yourself a favour...don't have anymore kids with this woman. the less child support you have to pay when you split the better off you'll be.
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nta. you said this is the 5th time she has done this? well her dream of being a sahm is now gone. let her know she will be returning to work since she prevented you from getting a job that would have let her do so!
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nta but you have got to find out why your wife is doing this to you. 5th fucking interview she's sabotaged? for a jar?! don't you have a fucking dish towel laying around to help her open it on her own? i have so many questions about why she would do that to you and 5 times.
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nta - interviews don't last half a day. it is perfectly reasonable to ask someone to be quiet for a short time.
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nta. she sounds absolutely horrible, imagine asking your spouse to do all the moneymaking, and then doing everything in your power to sabotage their chances. what was she thinking?
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nta - deliberate or not, this is undermining your chances of success. find somewhere else to hold interviews and tests - a friend or family member's place, or even a co-working space with a private room you can hire.
you would be unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home, but it doesn't sound like she was just making normal 'i'm living here' kind of noise.
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she ruined 5 interviews?
once is chance, twice is coincidence, third time's a pattern
nta
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nta, but you need to have a conversation about why she's deliberately sabotaging you getting a better job when it's to support her goal.
i am afraid that i suspect it's an attempt at control. maybe she wants to be a sahm to stop you from ever leaving, but also doesn't want you to be a higher earner, more successful, more independent etc. i once knew someone very like this which is why this is setting off that particular alarm bell. i hope i'm wrong and she's just not very smart.
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i had an interview two weeks ago for a job i really wanted.
my partner came home from work, wished me luck, then stayed out of my way and made me dinner so that it would be ready when my interview was over. he also bought me my favourite cake.
nta, op. your wife is a terrible partner, and she's almost certainly sabotaging you on purpose.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(27m) and my wife(24f) have been married for 3 years. she is 6 months pregnant. i have been looking for a job with a better pay since my wife said that she wanted to be a sahm after the birth. today, i had this interview for a position at a very good it company which would be paying triple my current salary. there were a lot of measures taken to prevent malpractice. i was not allowed to look anywhere but the screen, etc. the test was conducted on an online platform. i had told her numerous times before the exam about the strict invigilation. just 15 minutes after the test started, my wife started knocking on my study door and calling out my name saying she wanted me to open a jar. i ignored her because i would be disqualified from the interview if i looked anywhere else or spoke... i figured she'd get the hint that i couldn't talk. but she didn't she yelled at me calling me an ah and went on to talk to her friends on call. it didn't stop at the calls, she played loud music for her online dance yoga class. it was extremely distracting and i made a lot of mistakes in the exam it was a multiple choice questions based test so i got the results immediately and as expected i had miserably failed it. i was livid at my wife. this was the 5th interview that she ruined like this. i told her that i give up on trying to make her life easier and that i'm not ready to go looking for any more jobs since she doesn't even want to maintain silence during important interviews. i told her to start working again after the birth and that i am ok paying for a nanny/babysitter. she said that in being unreasonable in expecting perfect silence at home. aita? [/INST] nta, the 5th time? why is she sabotaging you? doesn’t she want you to make money? </s>
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AITA: I asked my trans daughter to choose an Indian name
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my husband and i come from a traditional indian family (immigrated to the us for college and stayed here), so please bear in mind that we really don't know much about all the nuances of the lgbtq+ community, since we were never really exposed to that. i decided to bring my situation here so i can get some third-party advice.
my "son" (now daughter) (15f) recently came out as a transgender girl. we immediately accepted her, told her we loved her no matter what. i got her talking to a gender specialist/therapist, we entered family therapy and my husband and i have spent a lot of time reading and educating ourselves on what it means to be trans. unfortunately, my husband and i also lost a lot of friends and family who decided that my daughter was a freak and that we were abandoning our culture and values. while we realize that we are better off without these ignorant people, it has been tough, despite having my siblings, some close friends and my husband stand by me. so, several months ago, i joined a support group for parents of kids who are trans. it has been really helpful, and i feel like it is a great place for me to voice my concerns and also express my feelings.
a week ago, my daughter brought up how she probably wanted to change her name; right now, we are calling her a gender neutral nickname of her dead name (think vikrant to vicky). i completely understand that having remnants of your dead name can be very bad, so we told her that we would support her in her name-changing process. i also mentioned that i had a list of girl names that i never got use (i have three biological boys), and i would love if she wanted to use those names and if my husband and i, still got to name her. we even offered to do a redo of her traditional hindu naming ceremony with her new name, which she loved. she said she would think about the names. she mentioned having a "white" name (like samantha) and asked me what i thought. i told her that it was her choice, but i would love if she chose an indian name, so she always has a piece of her heritage with her and that would make us happy. she said she hadn't thought of that and she'll come up with some names later.
i mentioned this in our support group, and one white mom got really angry at me. she started saying that i was a bad mom who was forcing my daughter to pick a name i wanted and forcing her to embrace a culture that rejected her. she brought up my estranged parents, who i had talked about in previous sessions, and how i was trying to force my daughter to be more like them. that was not my intention, but i feel terrible now and can't stop crying. aita?
| 19,415 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyladl/aita_i_asked_my_trans_daughter_to_choose_an/
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2020-11-21 23:47:23
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nta.
you are supporting her. you aren't forcing her to go with an indian name - you are just saying you would love it if she did, and doing it in a way to make her feel accepted and loved.
you're doing great.
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nta nta nta. that mom was the asshole. i think you went about making your request/suggestion very respectfully. you didn’t tell her she had to do it, you asked. absolutely nta for making the request, and your daughter is also nta if she chooses to go with a more ‘white’ name. i feel like that white mom is just oblivious to the power, emotion, and meaning that cultural/ethnic names can carry. even if your daughter doesn’t love the culture or community due to negative experiences, she should feel proud to be indian and brown; she should feel proud of her heritage.
you sound like a good mom. you emphasized that her name was her choice. you literally did nothing wrong.
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nta. you asked your daughter to consider it and ultimately left the decision in her hands. do you know how many people would give anything to have their parents be as supportive and interested as you and your husband are being?
coming from another white woman, the lady at your group is virtue signaling and trying to show how “woke” she is.
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i think showing your daughter the list of girl names you had picked out for your children is a beautiful and loving gesture. i hope she chooses one. but if she doesn’t, that’s ok too. nta
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trans guy here:
argh! woke allies!
or rather, not-quite-woke would-be-allies, who are actually annoying as f\*ck and who are not actually helping anybody, but they sure like to collect woke points.
no, you are nta. you are not forcing anything. you are supporting your daughter and are asking her to consider something that you definitely are allowed to care about. (now, if you would threaten to cut her off if she choose a western name, that would be a different story.)
that woman needs to back off, not only is she minding things she has no business minding, that smells of an unhealthy dose of racism on top of it.
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nta. not. at. all. the culture didn’t reject her 🙄 you know how many americans reject their trans children? so none of them can choose an american name? that’s ridiculous. you’re not forcing your daughter. just sharing your thoughts.
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nta. as an indian lgbt person, her “culture” did not reject her, because our entire culture is not represented by a few close close-minded relatives. our culture is what we make it. that woman is just bigoted and thinks that being lgbt and embracing our culture are mutually exclusive, that we have to choose one or the other. it’s also bullshit that she thinks picking an indian name is “embracing a culture that rejected her” but picking a white name wouldn’t be - as if white people can’t be transphobic? as if white parents don’t kick out & cut off their kids for being trans? but of course to her, picking a white name wouldn’t be cultural, because she just sees white as the default, or the more progressive option, whereas she associates picking an indian name with being regressive and traditional.
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white mom can back off. sounds like your daughter is open to having a name connected to your culture, you aren't forcing anything. nothing is even set yet, right? this is none of this woman's business, this is between your daughter and you.
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nta you aren't forcing her to take a certain name, just providing some to consider. what name she choses is up to her and you've made that clear. also culture is still something that is a big part of your daughter's life and she likes the hindu naming ceremony idea.
my ftm friend gave a list of boy names to his parents and they chose one (or his mother chose one said she felt like it was the one). some of my other trans friends circle through names until one feels right. we're high schoolers and can adapt to it through the grapevine and teachers at are school are cool with it.
personally i am japanese and genderfluid (changing gender day to day or so) and am not going to change my name. first off i want to keep my name japanese, it is part of who i am. secondly next to no japanese names are gender neutral. thirdly my current name has a meaning and i like it. forth, no one else has my name and few americans are able to tell if it is a boy or girl name. fifth i've seen my name as my name before it is a gendered name.
the white mom seems much too enthusiastic to say you're doing something wrong when you are being as supportive as you can
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nta
i'm trans, and if my parents had offered me a list of guy names they'd considered for me when i came out to them i think i would have cried with joy? i think it is a really beautiful offer you've made to your daughter, especially as (from my understanding) you wouldn't be angry or rejecting if she did end up choosing a western/english name.
the woman in your support group is the worst kind of 'ally' imo, and doesn't know what she's talking about. i am not an expert on indian culture at all but it seems to me that you are showing your daughter that your culture doesnt reject her, and that she can be hindu and trans, if she wants to be.
you know your daughter and your culture better than she does, and you're doing great i think.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i come from a traditional indian family (immigrated to the us for college and stayed here), so please bear in mind that we really don't know much about all the nuances of the lgbtq+ community, since we were never really exposed to that. i decided to bring my situation here so i can get some third-party advice. my "son" (now daughter) (15f) recently came out as a transgender girl. we immediately accepted her, told her we loved her no matter what. i got her talking to a gender specialist/therapist, we entered family therapy and my husband and i have spent a lot of time reading and educating ourselves on what it means to be trans. unfortunately, my husband and i also lost a lot of friends and family who decided that my daughter was a freak and that we were abandoning our culture and values. while we realize that we are better off without these ignorant people, it has been tough, despite having my siblings, some close friends and my husband stand by me. so, several months ago, i joined a support group for parents of kids who are trans. it has been really helpful, and i feel like it is a great place for me to voice my concerns and also express my feelings. a week ago, my daughter brought up how she probably wanted to change her name; right now, we are calling her a gender neutral nickname of her dead name (think vikrant to vicky). i completely understand that having remnants of your dead name can be very bad, so we told her that we would support her in her name-changing process. i also mentioned that i had a list of girl names that i never got use (i have three biological boys), and i would love if she wanted to use those names and if my husband and i, still got to name her. we even offered to do a redo of her traditional hindu naming ceremony with her new name, which she loved. she said she would think about the names. she mentioned having a "white" name (like samantha) and asked me what i thought. i told her that it was her choice, but i would love if she chose an indian name, so she always has a piece of her heritage with her and that would make us happy. she said she hadn't thought of that and she'll come up with some names later. i mentioned this in our support group, and one white mom got really angry at me. she started saying that i was a bad mom who was forcing my daughter to pick a name i wanted and forcing her to embrace a culture that rejected her. she brought up my estranged parents, who i had talked about in previous sessions, and how i was trying to force my daughter to be more like them. that was not my intention, but i feel terrible now and can't stop crying. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i come from a traditional indian family (immigrated to the us for college and stayed here), so please bear in mind that we really don't know much about all the nuances of the lgbtq+ community, since we were never really exposed to that. i decided to bring my situation here so i can get some third-party advice. my "son" (now daughter) (15f) recently came out as a transgender girl. we immediately accepted her, told her we loved her no matter what. i got her talking to a gender specialist/therapist, we entered family therapy and my husband and i have spent a lot of time reading and educating ourselves on what it means to be trans. unfortunately, my husband and i also lost a lot of friends and family who decided that my daughter was a freak and that we were abandoning our culture and values. while we realize that we are better off without these ignorant people, it has been tough, despite having my siblings, some close friends and my husband stand by me. so, several months ago, i joined a support group for parents of kids who are trans. it has been really helpful, and i feel like it is a great place for me to voice my concerns and also express my feelings. a week ago, my daughter brought up how she probably wanted to change her name; right now, we are calling her a gender neutral nickname of her dead name (think vikrant to vicky). i completely understand that having remnants of your dead name can be very bad, so we told her that we would support her in her name-changing process. i also mentioned that i had a list of girl names that i never got use (i have three biological boys), and i would love if she wanted to use those names and if my husband and i, still got to name her. we even offered to do a redo of her traditional hindu naming ceremony with her new name, which she loved. she said she would think about the names. she mentioned having a "white" name (like samantha) and asked me what i thought. i told her that it was her choice, but i would love if she chose an indian name, so she always has a piece of her heritage with her and that would make us happy. she said she hadn't thought of that and she'll come up with some names later. i mentioned this in our support group, and one white mom got really angry at me. she started saying that i was a bad mom who was forcing my daughter to pick a name i wanted and forcing her to embrace a culture that rejected her. she brought up my estranged parents, who i had talked about in previous sessions, and how i was trying to force my daughter to be more like them. that was not my intention, but i feel terrible now and can't stop crying. aita? [/INST] nta. you are supporting her. you aren't forcing her to go with an indian name - you are just saying you would love it if she did, and doing it in a way to make her feel accepted and loved. you're doing great. </s>
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AITA for refusing to order plain cheese pizza for my girlfriend?
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so in short - my girlfriend gets off of work a few hours before i do and she typically cooks for me which i genuinely appreciate. today she was feeling lazy and didn’t really have any ideas for dinner (no big deal) so i told her i had been craving pizza and wouldn’t mind ordering that for dinner and she agreed. i told her that i would order it before i left for work so by the time i got home it would be there.
she texts me back and said that’s fine, but to please order cheese pizza. i asked her why and she said she didn’t really enjoy the topping i usually get which are super normal things like pepperoni, or bacon (mind you this is the first time i’m hearing this, she has eaten pizza with those toppings before) so i’m like okay is there like any toppings you would like to eat on you’re pizza as opposed to just having it plain because at that point it’s just not really doing anything for me or filling that craving i had for some pizza. she said no that she just wanted plain pizza. i told her well if i’m buying it i’m going to get what i want on it and suggested that she could pick off the toppings if it bothered her that much or that we could do a sort of half and half deal where half was cheese.
then she said that she could still usually tell or taste residual flavors or oil from the toppings when she did that and didn’t even want to do that, and said we could just order an entire other pie for her… neither of us are going to eat an entire pie so that just seemed frivolous to me so i said let’s just forget the pizza idea and scrap it as a whole. then she started telling me that i was being a jerk and really inconsiderate and i told her i sort of thought that she was being selfish a little bit and now she’s very upset with me and isn’t speaking to me… aita?
| 3,720 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z8eo91/aita_for_refusing_to_order_plain_cheese_pizza_for/
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2022-11-30 02:38:48
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yta. if your gf usually cooks for you and your contribution is getting pizza one random day then you can buy your gf the pizza she wants. i don’t even know what else to say - you are exhausting.
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yta- like there’s different sizes of pizza you could have gotten, like two smalls or a medium and a small. it also seems like you guys always order toppings and she just kinda dealt with it or just didn’t say anything to start something. you could have just compromised and gotten this one as just cheese and then next time get one with toppings. kinda like an every other situation.
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yta just buy her a cheese pizza and yourself something else. pizza is easy to reheat so it's not like the leftovers go to waste. why are you making such a fuss over this?
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yta dude. it's a pizza, it's not like you're hand-crafting a gourmet buffet. just order two small ones instead of one big one. it's the least you can do considering she's the one that's always cooking for you. i can't believe this was even an issue you had.
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yta, this girl cooks dinner for you most days and you can’t order her, her own cheese pizza? she deserves better than you.
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yta
you literally told a grown woman what she can't eat. when she balked against you dictating what she wants. you doubled down by telling her what annnnd how to eat.
y are the biggest a to ever ah.
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lmao enjoy your pizza. hope you like it more than her home cooked food because i bet you’ll be having a lot more pizza in the future.
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yta. just order two pizzas. we did it last night because i wanted something lighter than the 8 million kinds of greasy meat toppings my husband likes. we had some leftovers for lunch and i put the rest in the freezer.
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yta
you could have just eaten the leftovers for the next couple of days.
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yta. just get her a small cheese pizza and get yourself whatever you want. spend the extra $10 or whatever to make your girl (who generally cooks dinner for you every day) happy. jesus
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so in short - my girlfriend gets off of work a few hours before i do and she typically cooks for me which i genuinely appreciate. today she was feeling lazy and didn’t really have any ideas for dinner (no big deal) so i told her i had been craving pizza and wouldn’t mind ordering that for dinner and she agreed. i told her that i would order it before i left for work so by the time i got home it would be there. she texts me back and said that’s fine, but to please order cheese pizza. i asked her why and she said she didn’t really enjoy the topping i usually get which are super normal things like pepperoni, or bacon (mind you this is the first time i’m hearing this, she has eaten pizza with those toppings before) so i’m like okay is there like any toppings you would like to eat on you’re pizza as opposed to just having it plain because at that point it’s just not really doing anything for me or filling that craving i had for some pizza. she said no that she just wanted plain pizza. i told her well if i’m buying it i’m going to get what i want on it and suggested that she could pick off the toppings if it bothered her that much or that we could do a sort of half and half deal where half was cheese. then she said that she could still usually tell or taste residual flavors or oil from the toppings when she did that and didn’t even want to do that, and said we could just order an entire other pie for her… neither of us are going to eat an entire pie so that just seemed frivolous to me so i said let’s just forget the pizza idea and scrap it as a whole. then she started telling me that i was being a jerk and really inconsiderate and i told her i sort of thought that she was being selfish a little bit and now she’s very upset with me and isn’t speaking to me… aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so in short - my girlfriend gets off of work a few hours before i do and she typically cooks for me which i genuinely appreciate. today she was feeling lazy and didn’t really have any ideas for dinner (no big deal) so i told her i had been craving pizza and wouldn’t mind ordering that for dinner and she agreed. i told her that i would order it before i left for work so by the time i got home it would be there. she texts me back and said that’s fine, but to please order cheese pizza. i asked her why and she said she didn’t really enjoy the topping i usually get which are super normal things like pepperoni, or bacon (mind you this is the first time i’m hearing this, she has eaten pizza with those toppings before) so i’m like okay is there like any toppings you would like to eat on you’re pizza as opposed to just having it plain because at that point it’s just not really doing anything for me or filling that craving i had for some pizza. she said no that she just wanted plain pizza. i told her well if i’m buying it i’m going to get what i want on it and suggested that she could pick off the toppings if it bothered her that much or that we could do a sort of half and half deal where half was cheese. then she said that she could still usually tell or taste residual flavors or oil from the toppings when she did that and didn’t even want to do that, and said we could just order an entire other pie for her… neither of us are going to eat an entire pie so that just seemed frivolous to me so i said let’s just forget the pizza idea and scrap it as a whole. then she started telling me that i was being a jerk and really inconsiderate and i told her i sort of thought that she was being selfish a little bit and now she’s very upset with me and isn’t speaking to me… aita? [/INST] yta. if your gf usually cooks for you and your contribution is getting pizza one random day then you can buy your gf the pizza she wants. i don’t even know what else to say - you are exhausting. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife I wont/can't watch our son?
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i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income.
this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week.
some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then.
i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?
| 24,274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okhj6s/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_wontcant_watch_our_son/
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2021-07-15 00:32:31
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nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage.
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esh.
your wife is an asshole for expecting you to take time off rather last minute.
you are an asshole because you are putting all of the child rearing on her even if she is a sahm. this boy is still your son. you working 14 hour days, 6 days a week is freaking ridiculous. very few relationships can even last with work hours like this.
if i am correct, you are a pm in a tech company. if this is the case, you are salary. you aren't getting paid more to work overtime. it really makes me wonder if you are dicking around your computer most the day, which leads to these hours. that or you work at a shitty company. while overtime is common in the tech industry, 80 hour plus weeks are not. even the people i know making 200k a year in tech average 50 or so hour weeks.
something isn't right with this. you really need to start focusing on your family or else you won't have them anymore.
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yta. not specificially because of this moment, but this whole situation.
you work from 5am to 7pm everyday? she is also working from 5am to 7pm taking care of the house and child without help. and hasnt had a saturday without your child for 4 years?
in the moment, she could probably have handled things better, but that kind of work schedule is going to kill your marriage. this is a see the forest through the trees moment.
she wants one day with a friend, and some help around the house. if that can't be managed, if you can't afford to either take time off to help, or hire someone to do it, then what's the point of you working so many hours? what does your bread winning get if she is chained to the house and your kid for 84 hours a week?
she has been the only caregiver of your child for 6 out of 7 days for 4 years. if the two of you split, she'd be looking at at least 2-3 days to herself a week. but she has chosen to stay with you for four years despite basically being a single parent. she wants one day. figure it out.
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> i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat
why would you choose to live like that? i've been a programmer in industry for over a decade and i can count the number of 12 hour days i've worked on one hand. i think i can guess who you work for (seattle's a hint) and i can tell you that most of the rest of the industry isn't nearly as bad. if you've got experience it's not hard to find a job making 150-250k with a 40-45 hour work week.
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it’s sounds like she barely has a husband with those hours. that might be the actual issue.
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info—op, have you ever taken care of your son for an entire day so your wife could do other things? do you know what functional single parenting looks like?
i’m curious because men who say their wives “don’t work, they stay at home with the kids” are frequently unaware that their wife absolutely works—wearing the hats of childcare, housework, feeding and cleaning all at the same time.
perhaps i’m mistaken, if you are in fact providing for someone (who isn’t your wife) to do daily childcare, a maid, a cook and a personal assistant.
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dude. take a day off.
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yta not a huge one, but a workaholic one for sure. it sounds like your wife has been providing all the childcare, most of the housework and never gets a day off sans kid. your failure to create any work/life balance is impacting your marriage and at this rate she'll go back to work and be the single parent you've functionally made her.
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[deleted]
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yta - 5am to 7pm? dude, what are you doing?
your wife is basically a single parent. i get you earn the money but you seem to be ignoring your parental responsibilities. start pulling your weight at home!
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.248827 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a good job, i make good money and i work hard enough to earn it. to the point that about 4 years ago after our son was born when my wife decided not to go back to work i became the only source of income. this worked out well and everyone was happy until covid hit. once the pandemic started causing shut downs my role was transitioned from in an office downtown to working from home. i was a big fan of this. i work 5am to 7pm mon to sat typically so not having to commute meant that now i got to be home to put my son to bed and read to him at night and have more time to spend with my wife in the evenings. the only problem is that my wife has struggled with the idea that the location of my job has changed but my responsibilities have not. i've had several discussions with her about the fact that even though i'm home now i'm not able to watch our son during the day, or explaining why i can't get to the dishes till that evening. she will nod along to but i don't think she really believes it. this has caused tension but not an outright fight until this week. some of our mutual friends are coming into town this weekend and we had made plans to spend time with them. however, on monday my wife informs me that the couple is actually getting in friday and she and her friend are going to get lunch and go shopping. she tells me that i will need to watch our son. i respond by saying again that i can't, i have work and monday to friday is not enough heads up for me to take a day off. she gets angry at me saying she watches our son everyday while i just "sit in my office from sun up to sun down" and how i should be able to watch our son so she can have a day off. she's given me the cold shoulder since then. i would love to spend the day with my son i just can't take the time off on such short notice. aita? [/INST] nta but working 14-hour days six days a week is simply not sustainable for any family or marriage. </s>
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AITA for threatening to speak to a waitress's manager for saying I look 12 years old?
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i (22m) went to a restaurant/bar and got id'd by the waitress behind the bar. we were having a light convo and she said ''yeah you look about 12''.
i looked at her dead in the eye and said ''make a comment like that one more time and i'll have a word with your manager''. she looked scared and i walked away.
i told my friend this and he said it was an asshole thing, but i thought it was acceptable because her comment was rude and out of line. aita?
**
| 4,133 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cac9z1/aita_for_threatening_to_speak_to_a_waitresss/
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2019-07-07 21:32:07
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yta
she made an innocent careless statement, and u went full on karen mode on her. dont take out your insecurities on others.
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wow bro yta. check your temper jesus. she was playing around with you. if you look young most people think commenting on or joking about it is a compliment because that means you’ll age well. take it from a 30 year old who just got carded for an r rated movie on wednesday - get use to it. you way overacted and should look into why before your anger gets the better of you.
edited for clarity.
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[deleted]
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yta. if you don't want people to think you're 12, don't react to being teased like a thin-skinned twelve year old.
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yta
>we were having a light convo and she said ''yeah you look about 12''.
so, you were having some casual banter with a waitress, and she made a joke about you looking younger than you are. oh yeah, straight up threatening to complain about her to her boss is definitely a reasonable response.
i guarantee you, she talked all kinds of shit about you to her co-workers afterwards, too. you're exactly the kind of person retail and service workers mock ruthlessly after they're done feeling self-important.
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yta, chill tf out fam they said you look young who cares?
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yta
she made a light hearted comment. get a fucking grip.
also, r/iamverybadass
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dude...she was probably kidding, especially if you where having a ‘light conservation’. yta.
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yta. it was a lighthearted joke and hyperbolic besides, i'm sure you don't actually look 12. you way overreacted. totally ta.
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yta. i feel like 12 is often the age people throw out there when they’re trying to say someone looks young. that’s not an offensive statement. you escalated entirely too quickly. hopefully that drink straightened you out
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22m) went to a restaurant/bar and got id'd by the waitress behind the bar. we were having a light convo and she said ''yeah you look about 12''. i looked at her dead in the eye and said ''make a comment like that one more time and i'll have a word with your manager''. she looked scared and i walked away. i told my friend this and he said it was an asshole thing, but i thought it was acceptable because her comment was rude and out of line. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22m) went to a restaurant/bar and got id'd by the waitress behind the bar. we were having a light convo and she said ''yeah you look about 12''. i looked at her dead in the eye and said ''make a comment like that one more time and i'll have a word with your manager''. she looked scared and i walked away. i told my friend this and he said it was an asshole thing, but i thought it was acceptable because her comment was rude and out of line. aita? ** [/INST] yta she made an innocent careless statement, and u went full on karen mode on her. dont take out your insecurities on others. </s>
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AITA for allowing my parents to see my baby?
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my wife has had two miscarriages and a stillbirth, and so when she got pregnant for the fourth time, i did my best to support her and any of her strange requests that she made.
during the birth, she didn’t want anyone who wasn’t a medical professional in the room, including me. i wasn’t too happy with this, because i really wanted to see him be born, but it’s her birth and her body, so i went out without a complaint. afterwards, she stayed the night, and didn’t want anyone other than me around. both sets of new grandparents had been scheduled to come around, but i called them and said she wasn’t ready yet, and so they didn’t.
two days after we came home with the baby, and she still refused to allow anyone around. i understand that a new mother is going to be very protective over her child, however, these are our parents! she has a complicated relationship with her parents, so i don’t mind her placing restrictions on them, but my parents are incredible and are so excited for a grandbaby!
so, i decided to tell my parents that they could come over and see the baby. i didn’t consult my wife, because i knew she’d immediately shoot down the suggestion and be in a mood for the rest of the day.
they came over, with gifts for my wife and the baby and were absolutely ecstatic. my wife seemed genuinely really happy, my mother gave her tips, and my wife looked relieved to be free of holding and feeding the baby for an hour.
when they left though, her attitude immediately shifted, and she started yelling at me (which of course set off the baby!) for disrespecting her wishes. but he’s my baby too! we both have a child now, and my family deserves to meet him! she yelled at me about her grief over our stillborn baby, as if i didn’t grieve him too! it’s why i was so excited for my parents to meet my healthy boy!
now she refuses to talk to me, even though we’re trying to care for a baby together. so aita?
| 5,366 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uuzjbx/aita_for_allowing_my_parents_to_see_my_baby/
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2022-05-22 00:19:15
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yta. i understand you’re excited to share your baby with your parents but, she just went from carrying a child for roughly 9 months, to a medical procedure, to dealing with the post pregnancy pain and hormone shifts. you. did. not.
she’s grieving on top of that? and you decided to go against her wishes and show off your baby anyways?
are you serious? yes- you’re the dad and yes, it’s your baby too but you lack the general concern for your wife’s wellbeing and are completely dense to how she must be feeling. jesus christ dude.
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yta.
> "i didn't consult my wife because i knew she'd immediately shoot down the suggestion and be in a mood for the rest of the day."
does what he wants.
gets mad when she reacts *exactly the way he knew she would.*
is she rational? maybe, maybe not. she's 4-ish days postpartem after a series of traumatic experiences. and she had the goodness to slap on a smile when you put her in a position she *explicitly* didn't want to be in.
have some empathy, ffs. or, at the very least, don't be surprised when you piss her off and she gets, you know, pissed off.
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yta
two days!? two!?
i'm 8 days pp and i am dying. i cry all the time. i can barely move. i get like 3 hours of sleep per day broke up into like 30 minute chunks.
just.
wow.
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yta she just wanted some time alone as many new mothers so (specially as she's had several miscarriages) and you gave her 2 days before going behind her back and against her wishes to bring your parents over
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yta
she’s gone through the pregnancy and birthed the child, she’s still in pain and recovering and rightly doesn’t want guests.
you intentionally did this against her wishes, that’s peak ah moves.
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yta and it was evident as soon as you said she had “strange requests”. you had 3 seconds of involvement in creating this child. she had 10 months plus birth. she trumps you. period.
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yta. you ignore her wishes and deceived her about it, so that she was stuck having to make nice in the situation you created.
that said, it does seem like she's struggling. consider asking your pediatrician about post-partum depression.
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yta dude. your wife just went through a lot of shit and you want her to have to deal with your parents on top of it. worse than that, you sprung your parents on her. i don't care how loving they are, they're still people that your wife doesn't want to interact with. give her some time for god's sake.
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::: sigh :::
i am angry for your wife and for your overuse of exclamation points.
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yta. i cannot imagine how hard a stillbirth would be. your wife obviously needed time. you could have facetimed your parents with the baby instead of insisting on a visit. she barely got home from the hospital and deserved to have her wishes respected.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has had two miscarriages and a stillbirth, and so when she got pregnant for the fourth time, i did my best to support her and any of her strange requests that she made. during the birth, she didn’t want anyone who wasn’t a medical professional in the room, including me. i wasn’t too happy with this, because i really wanted to see him be born, but it’s her birth and her body, so i went out without a complaint. afterwards, she stayed the night, and didn’t want anyone other than me around. both sets of new grandparents had been scheduled to come around, but i called them and said she wasn’t ready yet, and so they didn’t. two days after we came home with the baby, and she still refused to allow anyone around. i understand that a new mother is going to be very protective over her child, however, these are our parents! she has a complicated relationship with her parents, so i don’t mind her placing restrictions on them, but my parents are incredible and are so excited for a grandbaby! so, i decided to tell my parents that they could come over and see the baby. i didn’t consult my wife, because i knew she’d immediately shoot down the suggestion and be in a mood for the rest of the day. they came over, with gifts for my wife and the baby and were absolutely ecstatic. my wife seemed genuinely really happy, my mother gave her tips, and my wife looked relieved to be free of holding and feeding the baby for an hour. when they left though, her attitude immediately shifted, and she started yelling at me (which of course set off the baby!) for disrespecting her wishes. but he’s my baby too! we both have a child now, and my family deserves to meet him! she yelled at me about her grief over our stillborn baby, as if i didn’t grieve him too! it’s why i was so excited for my parents to meet my healthy boy! now she refuses to talk to me, even though we’re trying to care for a baby together. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has had two miscarriages and a stillbirth, and so when she got pregnant for the fourth time, i did my best to support her and any of her strange requests that she made. during the birth, she didn’t want anyone who wasn’t a medical professional in the room, including me. i wasn’t too happy with this, because i really wanted to see him be born, but it’s her birth and her body, so i went out without a complaint. afterwards, she stayed the night, and didn’t want anyone other than me around. both sets of new grandparents had been scheduled to come around, but i called them and said she wasn’t ready yet, and so they didn’t. two days after we came home with the baby, and she still refused to allow anyone around. i understand that a new mother is going to be very protective over her child, however, these are our parents! she has a complicated relationship with her parents, so i don’t mind her placing restrictions on them, but my parents are incredible and are so excited for a grandbaby! so, i decided to tell my parents that they could come over and see the baby. i didn’t consult my wife, because i knew she’d immediately shoot down the suggestion and be in a mood for the rest of the day. they came over, with gifts for my wife and the baby and were absolutely ecstatic. my wife seemed genuinely really happy, my mother gave her tips, and my wife looked relieved to be free of holding and feeding the baby for an hour. when they left though, her attitude immediately shifted, and she started yelling at me (which of course set off the baby!) for disrespecting her wishes. but he’s my baby too! we both have a child now, and my family deserves to meet him! she yelled at me about her grief over our stillborn baby, as if i didn’t grieve him too! it’s why i was so excited for my parents to meet my healthy boy! now she refuses to talk to me, even though we’re trying to care for a baby together. so aita? [/INST] yta. i understand you’re excited to share your baby with your parents but, she just went from carrying a child for roughly 9 months, to a medical procedure, to dealing with the post pregnancy pain and hormone shifts. you. did. not. she’s grieving on top of that? and you decided to go against her wishes and show off your baby anyways? are you serious? yes- you’re the dad and yes, it’s your baby too but you lack the general concern for your wife’s wellbeing and are completely dense to how she must be feeling. jesus christ dude. </s>
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AITA for refusing to sit in on my wife’s breastfeeding class?
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my wife (36f) and i (35m) have been married for 3 years, but together since we were 21 and 22.
she is a couple months pregnant. ever since she got pregnant it was like she went from how she’s always been since she was 22, fun, energetic, ambitious, and spontaneous, to the personality of a stereotypical person in a nursing home.
it seems we cannot have any regular adult conversation because increasingly, all she’s been doing is reading very detailed books about the birthing process and discussing the contents of the book makes for extremely graphic imagery.
it seems this gory stuff has become her idea of fun and better alternative to ( i don’t know) going on a staycation, dressing up and doing something, or heck, even going to the mall and buying nice things for each other.
i’m at the end of my rope in terms of this gore but the doctors and the relatives all say “ this isn’t gore.. it’s just labor fluids and poop.”
so my wife signed up for the online version of our local hospital’s breast feeding class. she started twisting my arm in terms of being there when one of her mom friends said her husband was going to be there.
i told her that i was sure he was the only one because i can’t imagine how weird and awkward it would be for a bunch of men to be there talking about breasts and the detailed, gory functions of it in front of a bunch of women.
my wife relented for a while but the day of class, aka yesterday she got an email where it the subjects was “ couples participating.”
she got mad because it seemed like everybody’s husbands were going to be there and there was going to be a portion where couples had to partner up and be taught how to pump and support.
i told her once again the thought of it already made me feel like it was gory and just talking about what would he talked about is just inappropriate to me and i have a large gag reflex so just imagining what they would be describing would affect me.
i don’t get why i needed a class learning about how her breast lactates when i wasn’t the one pumping and could support her from afar.
my wife stormed out and after the class she said she was just sitting there while everybody else partnered up and that she hated me for embarrassing her like that. aita for thinking a practically public lesson about breasts fluids and function is awkward and not something i need to be a part of to be supportive?
| 6,485 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mei34k/aita_for_refusing_to_sit_in_on_my_wifes/
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2021-03-27 17:13:39
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yta. i’m so sorry for your wife. her husband and soon to be father of her child is unsupportive and childish. get over yourself. she can’t just choose to ignore the situation and neither can you. if you care about your wife and your future child you’ll act like it.
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yta.
you really need to grow up, fast.
your wife will poo herself when she gives birth.
she could tear herself apart pushing a human being out of her.
there will be blood. there will be many different bodily fluids.
and you're whining about having to learn how her breasts will feed your child?
you are going to be a parent soon. start acting like it.
this is your life now.
i'm glad she realises and she's so on the ball about it, because you're useless.
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you don't seem very mature or the least bit understanding.
your wife is pregnant and now she's been focused on pregnancy? well, of course.
also, if you think this is "gore" then you're probably not ready for a kid.
and as far as being embarrassed to go to a class where they talk about breasts? are you sure you're not a child?
yta.
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yta. this isn’t “gory”, it’s all a part of childbirth and raising kids. what’s next, you won’t change any of the baby’s diapers because that’s “to gory” or your gaga reflex will act up? this is part of having kids and you absolutely should be supporting your wife.
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yta. childbirth can be very terrifying for a woman. even though their body knows what to do, the idea of pushing a watermelon out of a hole meant for needle is quite daunting. reading about it helps. in addition, she is preparing for a baby to come into the home. there is a lot of learning that goes with that. you dont just wake up one day and know how to take care of a newborn
also, breastfeeding is very difficult. there are many things that can hinder breastfeeding and problems with breastfeeding is one of the leading causes of post-partum depression. also, women with partners who are supportive during breastfeeding are 50% more likely to keep breastfeeding instead of quitting.
also, dude. babies are gross. they poop around the clock that first month. they spit up after every feeding, and will sneeze milk and food in your face. do you plan to be in the delivery room? because let me tell you, its not a pretty sight.
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yta.
i hope you can appreciate why many people don’t have a whole lot of patience and sympathy for men who think birthing and breastfeeding is just the most icky inconvenient embarrassing uncomfortable painful thing on the planet, *for them*.
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[deleted]
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yta. i really don’t see how you keep thinking this stuff is “gory”. she just wants your support and you’re wanting to miss out because you seemingly can’t handle anything about pregnancy what so ever and you’re making up these pathetic excuses that it’s all gory. why even have kids? man up a bit.
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posts like this cannot be real right? no one can be this dense and immature..
in case it's real, yes, yta, big time. your wife is probably very afraid and she is doing everything she can think of to be fully prepared for everything and she is trying to get you to understand that it's both of you having a kid, not just her. support your wife, instead of just thinking about yourself.
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serious question: is this about being grossed out by bodily fluids and functions, or is it sublimated anger because of:
> ever since she got pregnant it was like she went from how she’s always been since she was 22, fun, energetic, ambitious, and spontaneous, to the personality of a stereotypical person in a nursing home.
your wife is going through a dramatic physical and emotional change and is preparing for it. she is excited and *scared*. my dude, you do not understand what you are in for with a baby. at all. do you know your wife will bleed for several weeks after childbirth? that milk ducts clog and it’s painful? how much poop and piss you will need to clean up from your baby?
yta because it doesn’t seem like you got into this parent gig with realistic expectations. you compare her to a **nursing home patient**? wow, dude.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (36f) and i (35m) have been married for 3 years, but together since we were 21 and 22. she is a couple months pregnant. ever since she got pregnant it was like she went from how she’s always been since she was 22, fun, energetic, ambitious, and spontaneous, to the personality of a stereotypical person in a nursing home. it seems we cannot have any regular adult conversation because increasingly, all she’s been doing is reading very detailed books about the birthing process and discussing the contents of the book makes for extremely graphic imagery. it seems this gory stuff has become her idea of fun and better alternative to ( i don’t know) going on a staycation, dressing up and doing something, or heck, even going to the mall and buying nice things for each other. i’m at the end of my rope in terms of this gore but the doctors and the relatives all say “ this isn’t gore.. it’s just labor fluids and poop.” so my wife signed up for the online version of our local hospital’s breast feeding class. she started twisting my arm in terms of being there when one of her mom friends said her husband was going to be there. i told her that i was sure he was the only one because i can’t imagine how weird and awkward it would be for a bunch of men to be there talking about breasts and the detailed, gory functions of it in front of a bunch of women. my wife relented for a while but the day of class, aka yesterday she got an email where it the subjects was “ couples participating.” she got mad because it seemed like everybody’s husbands were going to be there and there was going to be a portion where couples had to partner up and be taught how to pump and support. i told her once again the thought of it already made me feel like it was gory and just talking about what would he talked about is just inappropriate to me and i have a large gag reflex so just imagining what they would be describing would affect me. i don’t get why i needed a class learning about how her breast lactates when i wasn’t the one pumping and could support her from afar. my wife stormed out and after the class she said she was just sitting there while everybody else partnered up and that she hated me for embarrassing her like that. aita for thinking a practically public lesson about breasts fluids and function is awkward and not something i need to be a part of to be supportive?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (36f) and i (35m) have been married for 3 years, but together since we were 21 and 22. she is a couple months pregnant. ever since she got pregnant it was like she went from how she’s always been since she was 22, fun, energetic, ambitious, and spontaneous, to the personality of a stereotypical person in a nursing home. it seems we cannot have any regular adult conversation because increasingly, all she’s been doing is reading very detailed books about the birthing process and discussing the contents of the book makes for extremely graphic imagery. it seems this gory stuff has become her idea of fun and better alternative to ( i don’t know) going on a staycation, dressing up and doing something, or heck, even going to the mall and buying nice things for each other. i’m at the end of my rope in terms of this gore but the doctors and the relatives all say “ this isn’t gore.. it’s just labor fluids and poop.” so my wife signed up for the online version of our local hospital’s breast feeding class. she started twisting my arm in terms of being there when one of her mom friends said her husband was going to be there. i told her that i was sure he was the only one because i can’t imagine how weird and awkward it would be for a bunch of men to be there talking about breasts and the detailed, gory functions of it in front of a bunch of women. my wife relented for a while but the day of class, aka yesterday she got an email where it the subjects was “ couples participating.” she got mad because it seemed like everybody’s husbands were going to be there and there was going to be a portion where couples had to partner up and be taught how to pump and support. i told her once again the thought of it already made me feel like it was gory and just talking about what would he talked about is just inappropriate to me and i have a large gag reflex so just imagining what they would be describing would affect me. i don’t get why i needed a class learning about how her breast lactates when i wasn’t the one pumping and could support her from afar. my wife stormed out and after the class she said she was just sitting there while everybody else partnered up and that she hated me for embarrassing her like that. aita for thinking a practically public lesson about breasts fluids and function is awkward and not something i need to be a part of to be supportive? [/INST] yta. i’m so sorry for your wife. her husband and soon to be father of her child is unsupportive and childish. get over yourself. she can’t just choose to ignore the situation and neither can you. if you care about your wife and your future child you’ll act like it. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my niece to use "promised" money from my grandma's estate to go to college? My family is derisively calling me "Scott's Tots" in order to get me to bend and give in, and it's sort of working.
| 22,322 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqty1q/aita_for_not_allowing_my_niece_to_use_promised/
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2019-08-15 18:36:37
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nta. tell your family they have two options:
1. they stop harassing you and you’ll execute the will to the best of your ability.
2. they keep harassing you and their share of the estate will be handed over to a lawyer to execute and the lawyer fees will come out of their trust.
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nta your grandma specifically wrote that they needed that 3.5 gpa and they haven't gotten that. even if that seems harsh to them it's her money and she got to choose who it goes to and the specific conditions for it.
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you might find it easier to get a third party to run the trust as it removes these ‘personal’ issues.
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nta. your grandma’s wishes were clear and she obviously knew her family well enough to know this was a smart idea. hold firm and carry out her will as written.
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nta, you're the executor for a will. it would be wrong to go against your grandmother's wishes by giving her the money outside the wills stipulations.
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if you intentionally disregard the terms of the will (that turned into the terms of the trust), you could be held liable for breach of your fiduciary duty as trustee/executor. if it makes it any easier, i would pay a lawyer a small consultation fee to review everything and provide her professional opinion on such a distribution in letter form. if you send your family such a letter you will be very well protected legally. i would also suggest having a third party wealth management firm manage the undistributed trust money to insulate yourself from any accusations of foul play.
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nta do not give in. your family is acting like a bunch of dickheads, all over some money. it's not their decision, and really, it's not yours either. you are the executor of the money. it was passed on with certain stipulations, and you agreed to them when you took on the role of the executor. stick to your guns, and don't cave.
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nta. i may need to rewatch the scott's tots episode, though. i forget the part where none of the kids had actually met the stated academic requirements to get the scholarship michael promised them.
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nta
but damn, grandma?! a 3.5? that’s pretty steep especially if they do something difficult like computer science or go to an extremely strict school where a b might = an a somewhere else.
but if your niece is at a 1.something, it isn’t even close. i could see them arguing if she had a 3.0 maybe.
i personally would get a lawyer.
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nta. it’s clear why your grandmother chose *you* to be executor of her will.
i’ve never heard of scott’s tots but i assume that’s not particularly relevant?
but if the pressure is getting to you, then use a small portion of the estate to employ a reputable lawyer to take over as executor of the will.
or even just set an individual trust up for your ‘niece’. the trustee should be bound to follow the directions in the will. you will no longer have control. she will have a lawyer to confirm that she will definitely see the money one day, but she will be paying the associated costs out of her inheritance so the precedent your other cousins now see is that they can choose between trusting you, or losing some of the cash.
if i were you though i think i’d just go with appointing a lawyer for the lot - make it not my problem anymore.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta. tell your family they have two options: 1. they stop harassing you and you’ll execute the will to the best of your ability. 2. they keep harassing you and their share of the estate will be handed over to a lawyer to execute and the lawyer fees will come out of their trust. </s>
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AITA for calling out a secretary and threatening to report her to her manager after she revealed health information?
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i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv.
i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down.
i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down.
after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.”
everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that.
she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested?
she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone.
i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with.
aita?
| 24,621 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/maq68x/aita_for_calling_out_a_secretary_and_threatening/
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2021-03-22 15:24:58
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nta that’s a hipaa violation (if in the us), she can and should be fired for this. keeping health thing private is very important
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nta i'm admin staff in a health care setting and we know better than that. don't just threaten actually call the manager and if they don't do anything escalate and escalate until someone does
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nta. that's why hippa laws exist. i would definitely file a complaint.
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nta. what she did is a huge privacy violation and is illegal almost everywhere. this can wreck people's lives.
the fact she clearly didn't care shows she does this sort of thing all the time. you would be ta if you didn't report her.
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lmao, no! you are nta. first, she violates both the rules, and your privacy by talking about your personal medical info in a setting with people around. secondly, she has the gull to start being disrespectful to you afterwards.
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nta
it isn't like she said "there's an issue with your cancer test form." hiv still has a stigma around it that has connotations of promiscuity and other "deviant" sexual behavior.
**obviously this is not true, but unfortunately this is the world we live in**
and beyond that it doesn't matter. if you were there to get a hangnail pulled out, no one needs to know. the attitude was the icing on the cake, report her.
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nta! her behavior was wildly unprofessional (not to mention illegal under hipaa). i think her inability to understand how serious her error was and apologize mean she should seek employment in another field, preferably one where she can't ruin people's lives or reputations.
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nta. not only did she choose to be careless with private patient information, but she was entirely unapologetic and unprofessional in the aftermath. she showed no remorse or concern for her misconduct, and that is a problem.
sure, if she gets fired you may feel bad, but you will also know that she got fired because the manager of that practice doesn't want the risk of their patients' privacy to be compromised. based on her attitude, she clearly has no intention of correcting her behavior in the future. would you feel better if you said nothing and she caused problems for another patients and/or got the practice sued?
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nta. if you raised the issue, and she didn't even apologize, then there's no reason for you to cut her some slack.
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nta
if anything, you're doing the business a huge favor. this secretary is responsible for handling sensitive hipaa protected information, and if they are this careless about protecting that information, this employee likely represents a substantial liability to their employer.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv. i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down. i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down. after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.” everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that. she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested? she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone. i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got a needle stick injury at work (im a healthcare worker) and my family doctor filled out a lab requisition for baseline bloodwork to be done. one of the tests is hiv. i went to an external lab to get it done because my family md office is closed. it’s a typical diagnostics lab. in the waiting area there are 5 other people sitting down. i go to the secretary and hand her the req forms. she takes them, checks me in, and i sit down. after 10 minutes she calls me back calling out my first name and says, “ma’am there’s an issue with the hiv test form.” everybody in the waiting area heard and gave me looks. i go up to her, very angry, i told her you cannot just announce people’s personal health information like that. she says, “oh its ok, you are getting tested just because of a workplace injury.” i told her that’s fine, but other people don’t know that. what if i had to get tested for hiv for a more personal reason? what if somebody who knew me was in the waiting area and heard i was getting tested? she apologized but i told her i will be calling her manager and informing them of the incident. she rolled her eyes and said “go ahead.” in a mocking tone. i told my husband what happened and he said maybe i should cut her some slack. but i told him, revealing personal health information is a huge violation. its something that was drilled into me as a healthcare worker. i am appalled that the secretary was so blasé about it. i don’t care if she gets reprimanded or loses her job, this is not something to mess around with. aita? [/INST] nta that’s a hipaa violation (if in the us), she can and should be fired for this. keeping health thing private is very important </s>
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AITA for not telling my wife that I had agreed to be a guardian before we even met?
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i have always said i didn’t want kids of my own. however, i became very close with my niece and nephew. i babysat them; they’ve spent weekends with me. when they were little, my brother and sil asked me to be their guardian should anything happen to them. i agreed, because they are truly the only kids i could see myself raising. niece is now 11 years old and nephew is 10 years old. i got married 3 years ago and my wife felt the same as me about not having kids. she’s very good to my niece and nephew. however, i never told her about what i agreed to with my brother and sil.
last year, my sil passed quite unexpectedly. it’s been very hard on my brother. my wife and i have been helping him out a lot. last week, my brother sat us down and said he was updating his own will. he got a sizable life insurance policy from sil’s death and he’s put most of it into trusts for the kids. he wanted us to be in charge of the trusts in the event of his passing. we agreed. then my brother mentioned adding my wife as guardian in the will as we never did that. my wife was confused and i told her that before we even met, i had agreed to be the kids’ guardian. she got all freaked out and started saying we agreed on no kids, this wasn’t no kids, etc. this started upsetting my brother as he worried his kids wouldn’t have anyone to raise them (we’re literally the only options). i told my brother that i’d talk to my wife about it.
she’s pretty pissed that i never told her this before. i told her it shouldn’t matter, would she really let these kids be orphaned if their dad died? i said my brother dying probably isn’t going to happen before they’re 18. she pointed out we didn’t think sil would either. she basically relented and said she’d become guardian but i’d be doing all of the work with them. i called her selfish for viewing my niece and nephew as a burden. now we’re barely talking.
my friend has told me that i am being an ass and i can’t be surprised at my wife’s reaction. upon further reflection, i wonder if he’s right. aita?
&#x200b;
| 4,820 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lf41ws/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_that_i_had_agreed_to/
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2021-02-08 04:31:53
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yta, you tried to strongarm her to something she never agreed on. here's the proper way, during the *dating* process:
op: i do not want to have children.
future wife: great, me neither, we are a match!
op: i have this deal with my bro, though.
future wife: what kind of deal?
op: <proceeds to explain the deal>
then your future wife could have made an informed decision whether she stays with you. instead now the problem snowballed to a much bigger problem: *what else is he withholding from me?*
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yta. your wife is right. this should have come up and is a dealbreaker. you can decide this fir yourself but you cannot make this decision for her, your argument is weak at best.
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yta
you knew how she felt about kids. and to say it "shouldn't have mattered"? really?
of course it matters to some people. i'm not saying you shouldn't have agreed to be guardian, but your wife should have had all the information. so that if she married you and you guys end up with these kids, it was a choice she knowingly made. or maybe she wouldn't have married you if she'd know.n.. and that should have been her choice to make.
you owe her an apology. both for not telling her and for how you called her selfish and tried to play off like this was no big deal.
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yta. no kids means no kids. there’s no asterisk. she was quite clear with you. she doesn’t have any responsibility to these children, and it’s wrong for you to guilt her for not feeling obligated.
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yta???? holy shit, dude.
you've been married for three years, and in that time you never mentioned "oh, i'm the guardian for my brother's kids in case anything happens" to your wife?
do you even love her?
you guys got married and even said before you got married that you didn't want kids, and now you just assume your wife will take care of kids she literally never signed up for? that's a huge thing to spring on someone out of nowhere, and then you have the audacity to be surprised pikachu when your wife understandably freaks out after getting told for the first time that she's just expected to take care of your brother's kids. like i'm sorry for your brother's loss but that absolutely should have come up before now.
she had a reasonable expectation that "no kids" meant that she wasn't going to be having children, her own or anyone else's, and suddenly that isn't the case. that's a major dealbreaker and your marriage is going to suffer for it.
if i were her, i'd be wondering what else you conveniently forgot to tell me.
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this might be a deal-breaker for your marriage. she's clearly hard-line childfree.
you are not willing to let niece and nephew go into the system if they become orphaned.
i don't see a happy situation if something were to happen to your brother.
you agreed to be guardian for his children before your marriage. it's not clear how involved your conversations with your then-fiancée were on the subject of children before you got married, but leaving out the legal guardianship agreement that you already had in place seems like a big omission if you had any sort of discussion about what it means to be childfree for you as a couple.
yta
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yta here. you two agreed on no kids at all and now she’s suddenly had it sprung on her that theres a chance she will be guardian of not one but two kids!! that’s seriously messed up and ur an ass for thinking it doesn’t matter. you really should have told her. and your an ass for calling her selfish when you’re the one who broke the agreement especially when she assumed the kids would go to one of your four other siblings which also means you’re not the only option as you keep saying.
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yta. you should have told her. now she's in the position of looking like the bad guy for wanting to stick to what she thought was the plan.
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>she basically relented and said she’d become guardian but i’d be doing all of the work with them. i called her selfish for viewing my niece and nephew as a burden.
yta for this sentence. i was on your side till this. we all have burdens and duties outside the marriage and from the time before the marriage. but you took this burden being single. calling her "selfish" after she heard the first time of your burden and already - at least partially - agreed to this is selfish from your side. if you could not take this responsibility as single, you should not take it at all. if your wife was not involved in this deal in advance, you have no right to call her selfish for that.
it is not about "telling", people often don't think or talk about death. but about making your wife feeling guilty now.
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info: was your wife under the impression that your other sibling's would take in the kids?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have always said i didn’t want kids of my own. however, i became very close with my niece and nephew. i babysat them; they’ve spent weekends with me. when they were little, my brother and sil asked me to be their guardian should anything happen to them. i agreed, because they are truly the only kids i could see myself raising. niece is now 11 years old and nephew is 10 years old. i got married 3 years ago and my wife felt the same as me about not having kids. she’s very good to my niece and nephew. however, i never told her about what i agreed to with my brother and sil. last year, my sil passed quite unexpectedly. it’s been very hard on my brother. my wife and i have been helping him out a lot. last week, my brother sat us down and said he was updating his own will. he got a sizable life insurance policy from sil’s death and he’s put most of it into trusts for the kids. he wanted us to be in charge of the trusts in the event of his passing. we agreed. then my brother mentioned adding my wife as guardian in the will as we never did that. my wife was confused and i told her that before we even met, i had agreed to be the kids’ guardian. she got all freaked out and started saying we agreed on no kids, this wasn’t no kids, etc. this started upsetting my brother as he worried his kids wouldn’t have anyone to raise them (we’re literally the only options). i told my brother that i’d talk to my wife about it. she’s pretty pissed that i never told her this before. i told her it shouldn’t matter, would she really let these kids be orphaned if their dad died? i said my brother dying probably isn’t going to happen before they’re 18. she pointed out we didn’t think sil would either. she basically relented and said she’d become guardian but i’d be doing all of the work with them. i called her selfish for viewing my niece and nephew as a burden. now we’re barely talking. my friend has told me that i am being an ass and i can’t be surprised at my wife’s reaction. upon further reflection, i wonder if he’s right. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have always said i didn’t want kids of my own. however, i became very close with my niece and nephew. i babysat them; they’ve spent weekends with me. when they were little, my brother and sil asked me to be their guardian should anything happen to them. i agreed, because they are truly the only kids i could see myself raising. niece is now 11 years old and nephew is 10 years old. i got married 3 years ago and my wife felt the same as me about not having kids. she’s very good to my niece and nephew. however, i never told her about what i agreed to with my brother and sil. last year, my sil passed quite unexpectedly. it’s been very hard on my brother. my wife and i have been helping him out a lot. last week, my brother sat us down and said he was updating his own will. he got a sizable life insurance policy from sil’s death and he’s put most of it into trusts for the kids. he wanted us to be in charge of the trusts in the event of his passing. we agreed. then my brother mentioned adding my wife as guardian in the will as we never did that. my wife was confused and i told her that before we even met, i had agreed to be the kids’ guardian. she got all freaked out and started saying we agreed on no kids, this wasn’t no kids, etc. this started upsetting my brother as he worried his kids wouldn’t have anyone to raise them (we’re literally the only options). i told my brother that i’d talk to my wife about it. she’s pretty pissed that i never told her this before. i told her it shouldn’t matter, would she really let these kids be orphaned if their dad died? i said my brother dying probably isn’t going to happen before they’re 18. she pointed out we didn’t think sil would either. she basically relented and said she’d become guardian but i’d be doing all of the work with them. i called her selfish for viewing my niece and nephew as a burden. now we’re barely talking. my friend has told me that i am being an ass and i can’t be surprised at my wife’s reaction. upon further reflection, i wonder if he’s right. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta, you tried to strongarm her to something she never agreed on. here's the proper way, during the *dating* process: op: i do not want to have children. future wife: great, me neither, we are a match! op: i have this deal with my bro, though. future wife: what kind of deal? op: <proceeds to explain the deal> then your future wife could have made an informed decision whether she stays with you. instead now the problem snowballed to a much bigger problem: *what else is he withholding from me?* </s>
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AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?
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i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides.
a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down.
yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party.
before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y".
my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave.
she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless.
aita for throwing her out?
| 29,271 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uj9izs/aita_for_throwing_my_sister_and_her_son_out_of_my/
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2022-05-05 22:53:34
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nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that.
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nta to the tenth power.
i would love to know how your sister thinks a "normal person" is supposed to react when their beloved spouse dies. especially during their child's birthday, when the spouse has only been dead since last year, following a long illness.
trust me. you're reacting quite normally. your sister, on the other hand, is displaying incredible ingratitude and callousness. i'm not a therapist, but this sounds like malignant narcissism. if that's normal, then you need to kick the normalcy out of your life. i wouldn't speak to her again for any reason.
and the real kicker is, that even when she's facing homelessness, she still refuses to even question her own actions. she's not apologizing. she's appealing to your sense of pity.
after the way she insulted you, i would not even consider allowing her to stay.
if cps is looking for relatives to take your nephew, and there's no one else, you might consider letting him stay since he apologized. but any visits with his mother should be done with an intermediary and off your property. although given the fact that he steals from your child, that might not be advisable.
glad to know you're calling his dad and letting him deal with him. hope you and his dad are on good terms, at least.
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nta, what the hell is she talking about? does she have no sympathy? "we both lost our spouses" ma'am you chose to lose yours. and now it sounds like she's choosing to lose her relationship with you too. she has no right to treat you and your children that way.
anyway, i'm so, so sorry for your loss, and a belated happy birthday to your son. sending lots of love
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nta you're kids are grieving, you're grieving, none of you need an inconsiderate and selfish relative in your home telling you how to handle your grief. especially in front of your kids.
you tried to be civil and have the necessary conversation later on, but she insisted and insulted you/your late wife with her comments.
and if anyone calls you an asshole for kicking them out tell them to take her in/how would they feel if she said that about their dead relative.
sorry for you loss, may your wife's memory be a blessing to all who loved her.
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nta, a boundary was not just crossed, it was nuked. i wouldn't want to talk to that person again, ever.
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you both lost your spouses?? in front of your in laws???? almost hard to believe this is real since that is so far over the line. sadly i do believe you.
nta. you would be if you kept your sister around your kids while everyone is grieving.
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nta. you didn't both *lose* your spouses. hers still exists, walking around alive. absolutely not at all the same thing. her pussy comment and whatnot, nope. she should've been way less shitty if she was concerned about being homeless with her child. instead, she was rude and inconsiderate and judgmental and heartless. you and your kids do not need this extra stress and heartbreak right now. kick her out and focus on healing and moving forward with your family.
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nta. she’s rude, belligerent, & so is her kid. getting divorced is not the same. no matter what she thinks & grieving is normal. she’s the ah. if she hasn’t been paying rent, then she’s a guest & you don’t have to follow tenant protocol
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nta i'd say two days is three days too long.
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nta at all. i see where your nephew gets his bullying attitude from. i'm very sorry for your loss.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (35m) am a single father of 3 boys (10m, 7m and 3m). their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. it has been a rough year to say the least. my sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. she has a son, my nephew (9m) who stays with us most of the time. my nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. a few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. he called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. i talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. it was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. the boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and i asked them both to calm down and behave. my son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. i choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. i figured i'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so i just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. i comforted my son and we went back to the party. before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying i had no bussineaa disciplining her child. i told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". i had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". my in-laws were crying, i was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. i told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. she said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least i'm still a normal person". she stormed off. after the party i told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. she is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. aita for throwing her out? [/INST] nta. your wife died! that’s significantly different from being divorced. good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. and crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to be a “role model” to my gay nephew?
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i’m 27 and came out when i was 22.
i never wanted it to be a big deal and i mostly ignored some of the hateful comments i got.
i never wanted and still do not want to be part of the pride movement. i just want to be able to live my life with my boyfriend.
my older brother is currently overseas and has a son aaron, who is 13, with his wife. when my brother is away i kind of step up and help out with aaron when i can.
i picked up aaron from school on friday and he seemed more quiet than usual. i asked him what was going on and he told me that he needed to talk to me.
he the proceeded to come out to me and told me that i was his “role model” and that i’m the only one who knows that he’s gay.
i got uncomfortable but thanked aaron for telling me and made an excuse about having to get to work.
i just have no interest in being a “gay role model” for any kid. it’s not something i ever wanted. maybe this makes me selfish, but i came out for myself, not to be part of a movement.
he texted me later that night thanking me for “being so cool about it.”
i took some time and sent him the following message:
“thank you for telling me aaron. while i understand why you would tell me, i don’t think i am the right person to support you through this. please go see your guidance counsellor at school or talk to the trevor project or a group like that. i am not entirely comfortable being a role model for you and i think you should look elsewhere for some support.”
i never received a response from him and when i talked to his mom today, she told me that he was upset all weekend but obviously she had no idea why he was so upset.
i don’t think that i am the asshole generally in this situation as i never asked to be a role model and i don’t think i am required to take that on, but i don’t know if my message was a little to harsh with him.
what do you think? aita?
| 3,870 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/db3xsx/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_a_role_model_to_my_gay/
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2019-09-30 00:47:56
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yta for being so cold about it. i felt all the chill. it felt you were writing to an acquaintance, not to your nephew. it felt like you were more focused on ending the conversation altogether than clarifying the fact you didn't want to a mentor..
you could've said "thank you for telling me this." and left it at that. if he asked for advice, tell him that you have nothing really insightful to say.
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yta. you’re his fucking uncle and you happen to be gay. he didn’t appoint you his personal rupaul and drape you in a rainbow flag, he just wanted to confide in and be supported by a person who is close to him and might understand what he’s dealing with. i certainly agree that you’re not a good role model for a gay kid, but because you’ve got some weird internalized homophobia shit that’s making you act like a jerk.
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yta - jesus, dude, all he said was that he looked up to you. why did you twist it so much? could have easily stayed cool and not made a big deal about either him or yourself.
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yta. listen, i'm a young gay girl, and i came out around the same age as your nephew. my older cousin was the only out gay person i knew at the time and she was my biggest role model. she never asked to be a role model, but she was. she was the only reason i felt safe enough to come out. seeing her be out and accepted in my family was the best thing possible for me at the time. "gay role model" or not, you are *already a role model in this kid's life.* you said you stepped in and helped out with him? guess what? you made yourself a role model in his life just by doing that. gay or not, he looks up to you, just like he looks up to his parents.
now he's coming to you with a situation his parents cannot advise him on. you can. you don't have to be a gay yoda for this kid, just be gay, in his life, and someone he can turn to. all young queer kids need a older gay person in their life to show them; you can be gay and have a happy future. it's not just rejection and suffering until you eventually become another suicide statistic.
he obviously doesn't feel like he can bring this to his parents, but he feels like he can bring it to you. if you care about your nephew at all, you will be there to help him, because honestly? if my cousin hadn't been there for me, i'd have killed myself by 15.
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"hey i look up to you, can you support me?"
"no"
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thank you for asking me /u/tripomo, but i didn't come to r/amitheasshole to become embroiled in a global political movement for human rights. ask the cashier at walmart or someone like that. please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
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yta. you don’t need to be a gay role model to him, just a role model. obviously he cares about you enough to trust you with his revelation. and you basically said thanks no thanks. ofc he’s upset. frankly i have no idea your reasons why you don’t want to be a support for your nephew; this has nothing to do with the gay movement and everything to do with just being there for a young person who looks up to you.
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yta. you said to go find help elsewhere. you should have actively directed or taken him to someone else who can better help him. growing up gay is hard, you know it, i know it. i had no role models on how to behave and he does in you. i cannot fathom how much you hurt him by saying it that way. you are not the asshole for being uncomfortable, but you are the asshole for the way you presented it.
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yta. now not because you don’t wanna be the role model but how you handled it. tell him being gay isn’t a big deal (it’s not). just express this to him. i think the best way to be gay is to just be gay. you don’t need to shout about it. normalise it.
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yta.
i sympathize with your view of not wanting to be a role model. however, i think you both got lost in translation. i don't think he was looking to you as his compass in the world, just as a person he knew shared his experience. the sentence that really got me was:
> i am not entirely comfortable being a role model for you and i think you should look elsewhere for some support.
that one seemed a bit hurtful imo.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 27 and came out when i was 22. i never wanted it to be a big deal and i mostly ignored some of the hateful comments i got. i never wanted and still do not want to be part of the pride movement. i just want to be able to live my life with my boyfriend. my older brother is currently overseas and has a son aaron, who is 13, with his wife. when my brother is away i kind of step up and help out with aaron when i can. i picked up aaron from school on friday and he seemed more quiet than usual. i asked him what was going on and he told me that he needed to talk to me. he the proceeded to come out to me and told me that i was his “role model” and that i’m the only one who knows that he’s gay. i got uncomfortable but thanked aaron for telling me and made an excuse about having to get to work. i just have no interest in being a “gay role model” for any kid. it’s not something i ever wanted. maybe this makes me selfish, but i came out for myself, not to be part of a movement. he texted me later that night thanking me for “being so cool about it.” i took some time and sent him the following message: “thank you for telling me aaron. while i understand why you would tell me, i don’t think i am the right person to support you through this. please go see your guidance counsellor at school or talk to the trevor project or a group like that. i am not entirely comfortable being a role model for you and i think you should look elsewhere for some support.” i never received a response from him and when i talked to his mom today, she told me that he was upset all weekend but obviously she had no idea why he was so upset. i don’t think that i am the asshole generally in this situation as i never asked to be a role model and i don’t think i am required to take that on, but i don’t know if my message was a little to harsh with him. what do you think? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 27 and came out when i was 22. i never wanted it to be a big deal and i mostly ignored some of the hateful comments i got. i never wanted and still do not want to be part of the pride movement. i just want to be able to live my life with my boyfriend. my older brother is currently overseas and has a son aaron, who is 13, with his wife. when my brother is away i kind of step up and help out with aaron when i can. i picked up aaron from school on friday and he seemed more quiet than usual. i asked him what was going on and he told me that he needed to talk to me. he the proceeded to come out to me and told me that i was his “role model” and that i’m the only one who knows that he’s gay. i got uncomfortable but thanked aaron for telling me and made an excuse about having to get to work. i just have no interest in being a “gay role model” for any kid. it’s not something i ever wanted. maybe this makes me selfish, but i came out for myself, not to be part of a movement. he texted me later that night thanking me for “being so cool about it.” i took some time and sent him the following message: “thank you for telling me aaron. while i understand why you would tell me, i don’t think i am the right person to support you through this. please go see your guidance counsellor at school or talk to the trevor project or a group like that. i am not entirely comfortable being a role model for you and i think you should look elsewhere for some support.” i never received a response from him and when i talked to his mom today, she told me that he was upset all weekend but obviously she had no idea why he was so upset. i don’t think that i am the asshole generally in this situation as i never asked to be a role model and i don’t think i am required to take that on, but i don’t know if my message was a little to harsh with him. what do you think? aita? [/INST] yta for being so cold about it. i felt all the chill. it felt you were writing to an acquaintance, not to your nephew. it felt like you were more focused on ending the conversation altogether than clarifying the fact you didn't want to a mentor.. you could've said "thank you for telling me this." and left it at that. if he asked for advice, tell him that you have nothing really insightful to say. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give back a book owner sold by mistake after I purchased it?
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i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00.
later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer.
i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold.
i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00.
aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships?
she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform.
| 9,289 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scuw13/aita_for_refusing_to_give_back_a_book_owner_sold/
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2022-01-26 02:29:02
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yta - you have every right to keep the book, but you're still an asshole for doing it. your friend made a mistake and you took advantage of her.
you can be right and an asshole at the same time.
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yta
just because you're legally in the clear doesn't mean it's ethical
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yta. it wasn't even her book to sell. your parents are greedy af, btw.
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yta.
yeah, give it back.
unless you perfer money over decency.
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yta. you are a major ah. this was a mistake, one she quickly tried to rectify. you got twenty books for $5. you're already coming out on top of this. the book clearly means a lot to her husband, and the fact that she told you this is causing a problem in her marriage and don't care speaks volumes about you.
people make mistakes. what you're doing is intentionally being obtuse. there's no way you dont know you're the ah here. your parents gave you really bad, selfish advice tbh. put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if you accidentally gave away something of importance to your husband, he got incredibly upset with you and lost trust in you, and when you attempted to get it back you were told nah, it's mine now?
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yta. i cannot fathom how you could possibly think this is the right thing to do. how would you feel if you made a mistake and your "friend" (i use the word loosely) that benefitted from that refused to help you rectify it? you paid 25 cents for the book. ffs, give it back.
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yta and so are your parents. just give them the fucking book back.
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yta. i’m not sure what you expected to happen here. your (now ex) friend admitted to you she made a mistake that is causing stress and discord in her marriage and your first thought isn’t about being an understanding friend or even to offer any comfort, no no no, your first thought is “well now, let me think on it, is our friendship reeeallly worth a book?” then you doubled down and said “nah i’m good.” and you expect to somehow not be the asshole in this scenario???
but at least you’re not the sole asshole in this situation. your parents were even worse for raising you that way.
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congratulations yta, just like your parents raised you to be.
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legally you own the book. morally? give the dang book back. it was clearly an error and is causing her problems. yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00. later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer. i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold. i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00. aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships? she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) am an avid buyer of sales and being part of different social media where people sell used items. the old adage is “one man’s junk is another person’s treasure. a lady who is also a friend places 20 books for sale for $5.00. i immediately reply to the post to purchase the books, and pick up the books from my friend for $5.00. later that night, i receive a call from the lady that she accidentally sold her husband’s first edition the grapes of wrath by john steinbeck 1st printing. she tells me her husband is livid and it is creating marital discord with their marriage. i tell her that i will look into the situation and get back to her with an answer. i explained the situation to my parents and they said under no circumstance do i return the book. it is ethically and morally yours, and you have no obligation to return it. my husband disagreed with my parents and said it was an honest mistake and you will lose your friendship over $1000 book accidentally sold. i subsequently took my parent’s advise, and kept the book, and she kept the $5.00. aita for not returning the book and losing the friendships? she subsequently threw me off her whatsapp group of items people are selling, and can no longer buy on that platform. [/INST] yta - you have every right to keep the book, but you're still an asshole for doing it. your friend made a mistake and you took advantage of her. you can be right and an asshole at the same time. </s>
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AITA for telling people my sister's youthfulness comes from plastic surgery and fillers?
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my sister is 34 and i'm 40, but since our early 20s people have always assumed she's the older sister.
i don't know why she seems to have aged early or why i look younger - i was an alcoholic and a drug user in my 20s and probably deserve to look older. i used to joke that it was payback for her being prettier (she was and still is a total babe).
i moved away years ago and we only see each other occassionally. last weekend i went back to our hometown for the wedding of a family friend we hadn't seen in ages, and i was shocked by her appearance.
i knew she used botox, but this was next level. her face was puffy, her lips were super-plump, her eyes looked different and there was not a wrinkle to be seen. i asked about it straight away and she admitted she'd had her eyelids lifted and "quite a bit of filler". i'm cool with that - do what makes you happy.
she asked me not to tell anyone and i said of course i wouldn't. but then...
now, i thought she looked weird because i know what she normally looks like without filters and facetune, but people from our childhood who hadn't seen us in years didn't and were saying how young she looked and asking what her secret was.
i was absolutely fine with that until she said:
"it's probably because i didn't drink and smoke my way through my 20s like ambiguousturtlejuice."
as a recovering alcoholic who prefers people to not know, i was hurt by that. without thinking i blurted out (louder than i'd intended): "oh fuck off - it's all the plastic surgery and botox and fillers".
i regretted it before i'd even finished saying it, but i thought she'd laugh it off and it would be fine... but she got teary and flustered and ran out of the room.
my mom thinks she was an asshole for bringing up my drinking. my brother thinks she over-reacted and should get over it. pretty much everyone else thinks i am a massive asshole.
so, aita?
| 18,212 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bc5yeu/aita_for_telling_people_my_sisters_youthfulness/
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2019-04-11 22:15:20
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nta - had me go one way than the other
first " she asked me not to tell anyone and i said of course i wouldn't." had me thinking you was the ah.
but then she uses it to talk shit about you? i would say there was something wrong if you didnt throw it back in her face.
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nta those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones my dude.
(edit holy crap this blew up)
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nta. why would she even say that shit about you? she deserved your comment due to her nasty comment. now, if you would've just brought up her botox and stuff for no reason, then maybe you could be ta. but she was definitely being an asshole, no doubt.
also she definitely overreacted by crying. typical case of not being able to handle what you dish out.
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i'm split between nta and esh. she had no right to mention your disease and recovery to others, especially in a vile and demeaning way. on the other hand, you should have respected ger wish regardless of the asshole she was. that being said, your behavior sucks waaaayy less in this situation.
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esh. your sister really shouldn’t have said that, but that was also not the kindest thing to do in return.
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esh, but that's ok because we're all only human.
sounds like your sister has scars deeper than those botox punctures. she said something that she's been saving up for a while. you lashed out with an excellent upper-cut that only a sister can deliver.
apologize to her and remind her that the two of you are still sisters by blood even if one is a "plastic surgery freak" and the other one is a "washed up alcoholic druggy"***. or don't apologize. if your sister has had so much resentment for so long then it may not change anything, but it doesn't hurt trying at least once.
*** - note that i'm not calling either of you that. it's a "joke" i personally would make if i were in your shoes to lighten the mood because both of us/you have flaws. just pointing this out for the reddit pedants.
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nta
you shouldn't have said that in the first place but her bringing up your alcoholism is a pretty justifiable reason, i probably would have said done the same and regretted it but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
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nta - if you had waited and said it later would be yta, but to reply with that as a quick comeback makes you nta.
she shouldn't run her mouth.
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nta. nearly esh, but.... why on earth would she say that to a recovering addict??
yeah, you weren’t cool and collected back. could’ve definitely taken the high road. but she crossed a major line beyond just petty sibling rivalry
and to be fair, i honestly felt there was no way she could be the asshole until i got to that part of the story and my jaw dropped
your fam knows you best and knows she effed up. everyone else doesn’t get it and that’s fine
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r/pettyrevenge
she deserves it for being an asshole
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister is 34 and i'm 40, but since our early 20s people have always assumed she's the older sister. i don't know why she seems to have aged early or why i look younger - i was an alcoholic and a drug user in my 20s and probably deserve to look older. i used to joke that it was payback for her being prettier (she was and still is a total babe). i moved away years ago and we only see each other occassionally. last weekend i went back to our hometown for the wedding of a family friend we hadn't seen in ages, and i was shocked by her appearance. i knew she used botox, but this was next level. her face was puffy, her lips were super-plump, her eyes looked different and there was not a wrinkle to be seen. i asked about it straight away and she admitted she'd had her eyelids lifted and "quite a bit of filler". i'm cool with that - do what makes you happy. she asked me not to tell anyone and i said of course i wouldn't. but then... now, i thought she looked weird because i know what she normally looks like without filters and facetune, but people from our childhood who hadn't seen us in years didn't and were saying how young she looked and asking what her secret was. i was absolutely fine with that until she said: "it's probably because i didn't drink and smoke my way through my 20s like ambiguousturtlejuice." as a recovering alcoholic who prefers people to not know, i was hurt by that. without thinking i blurted out (louder than i'd intended): "oh fuck off - it's all the plastic surgery and botox and fillers". i regretted it before i'd even finished saying it, but i thought she'd laugh it off and it would be fine... but she got teary and flustered and ran out of the room. my mom thinks she was an asshole for bringing up my drinking. my brother thinks she over-reacted and should get over it. pretty much everyone else thinks i am a massive asshole. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister is 34 and i'm 40, but since our early 20s people have always assumed she's the older sister. i don't know why she seems to have aged early or why i look younger - i was an alcoholic and a drug user in my 20s and probably deserve to look older. i used to joke that it was payback for her being prettier (she was and still is a total babe). i moved away years ago and we only see each other occassionally. last weekend i went back to our hometown for the wedding of a family friend we hadn't seen in ages, and i was shocked by her appearance. i knew she used botox, but this was next level. her face was puffy, her lips were super-plump, her eyes looked different and there was not a wrinkle to be seen. i asked about it straight away and she admitted she'd had her eyelids lifted and "quite a bit of filler". i'm cool with that - do what makes you happy. she asked me not to tell anyone and i said of course i wouldn't. but then... now, i thought she looked weird because i know what she normally looks like without filters and facetune, but people from our childhood who hadn't seen us in years didn't and were saying how young she looked and asking what her secret was. i was absolutely fine with that until she said: "it's probably because i didn't drink and smoke my way through my 20s like ambiguousturtlejuice." as a recovering alcoholic who prefers people to not know, i was hurt by that. without thinking i blurted out (louder than i'd intended): "oh fuck off - it's all the plastic surgery and botox and fillers". i regretted it before i'd even finished saying it, but i thought she'd laugh it off and it would be fine... but she got teary and flustered and ran out of the room. my mom thinks she was an asshole for bringing up my drinking. my brother thinks she over-reacted and should get over it. pretty much everyone else thinks i am a massive asshole. so, aita? [/INST] nta - had me go one way than the other first " she asked me not to tell anyone and i said of course i wouldn't." had me thinking you was the ah. but then she uses it to talk shit about you? i would say there was something wrong if you didnt throw it back in her face. </s>
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AITA for literally showing my dad how he behaves everyday when he gets home from work?
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my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold.
as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail.
so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on.
he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me.
later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead.
aita?
| 36,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xe62pq/aita_for_literally_showing_my_dad_how_he_behaves/
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2022-09-14 16:15:55
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nta. you held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn't like what he saw. that's on him. i hope he gets the message.
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nta first off but i think you have a good chance here.
listen please - you can acknowledge “hey dad, i know that probably did hurt your feelings and i’m sorry. of course you work hard and provide for us and we appreciate it, but i want you to see that your behavior hurts moms feelings, hurts the family.”
the fact he went quiet, instead of exploding in anger, to me says there is hope! like many, many dudes his age he struggles to process those emotions, but he recognized he was feeling more embarrassed / hurt than angry it seems.
the key is to understand and withhold judgement, to re center the convo on not just his pain, but everyone’s feeling pain, and moving forward.
that’s tough, and you’re a kid, it’s not your responsibility to do it. you would be morally justified to say f off. but i always ask do you wanna win, or be right?
being right often feels hallow. i hope you win!
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i am going to go with nta. this is genius!
he didn't hear your words or your moms words the many times you both told him the issues. instead, you made him "watch himself" and people don't like when a mirror is held up to their actions.
as well, you are 16, and it is not your job to help regulate your parents emotions. if your dad feels bad, that is on him.
your other methods fell on deaf ears, this one appeared to hit home.
good for you, op.
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this is *absolutely* hilarious and well-deserved and sometimes, people need to *see* how they're behaving reflected back at them to truly understand.
good job. nta
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lmao, nta. dad’s just clued into how toxic he’s being without realizing he was being toxic. i expect dad to still be broody for a whiles but now would be a good time to have a sit down with him if he’s cooled off enough explaining how you feel, and how you feel he treats your mom.
and most importantly, what he’s showing to your sibling and showing them it’s okay to be like this, when it isn’t.
breadwinner doesn’t mean you get to throw your weight around as soon as you get home. breadwinner with a sah parent should ultimately be praising the sah parent for continually keeping the place tidy, and taking care of cooking/children.
maybe this is the wake up call your father needs.
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nta.
all you did was show him how he is. if it was embarrassing for him, well he shouldn't act that way then. fuck any one that pulls the "*well he pays for the house*", that's boomer talk. him paying for the house doesn't make you a slave and *he* also chose to have a family.
everyone has their role in the family. you don't go to his office and yell about how things aren't a certain way, he doesn't get to do that coming home.
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nta
you held up a mirror, and he didn't like what he saw.
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nta
maybe have a conversation with him about what you should look for in a husband, when the time comes. make him spell out what a good husband does and doesn't do. ask a lot of specific questions. thing is, he probably wants good things for you.
the good news is that he was embarassed instead of just angry. there may be hope yet.
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nta.
you tried to get the message across in other ways but he didn’t get it. so you tried a new way. seems like he got the message this time.
while he does work hard so does your mom. him coming home and complaining every day invalidate your mom and the hard work she does.
maybe he’ll be nicer in the future.
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nta and have a round of applause
👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold. as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail. so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on. he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me. later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f16 father m46 is the "breadwinner" while mom is a sahm. she handles everything around the house like cooking, mopping, washing, laundry, etc. i'm the oldest and i try to help but really there's only so much i can do while my dad just gets home at the end of the day and literally complains about everything. like how the carpet isn't clean or how the food is cold. as a result; i'd have to listen to a huge argument daily between him and mom. it's exhausting but honestly...i think that my dad is in the wrong here. i tried talking to him to get him to see how his behavior is but to no avail. so what i did was pick a day off for him and pretend to act like him. i put together an outfit that looked like a suit and put black tape over my lips to look like a mustache. at 6pm. i went inside the house. shouted "i'm home!!" then sat next to him in the living room and started kicking my shoes while complaining about the state of the house at the top of my lungs. he glanced at me confused asking what i was doing. i ignored him then started yelling about the carpet being dirty, shower not ready, the kids needing to be quiet and so on. he kept staring while mom and my siblings laughed. my youngest brother kept pointing towards me saying "this is daddy". i then proceeded to yell about dinner then berated my mom for not preparing ut before time. my dad stopped me and in a serious tone asked what i was doing. i turned to him and said "what?! can't a man effing rest after working long hours!!" in the most macho voice i could muster. my dad got the hint because this was the common phrase he uses daily. he went quiet and avoided looking at me. i stopped the act and told him i was trying to show him what he's like everyday when he comes home from work. he said nothing, just went outside and refused to speak to me. later he went on about how i "mocked" and invalidated him. that he does work hard and me doing this was disrespectful and invalidating. mom said it was funny but also thought i hurt my dad's feelings and i could've gotten the message across some other way instead. aita? [/INST] nta. you held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn't like what he saw. that's on him. i hope he gets the message. </s>
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AITA for assigning my family homework and not visiting until it's done?
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i recently quit my phd program to get a job because i realized academia was not what i wanted and i was better off just using my master's to get a job. everyone i know from school or has experience with grad school agreed i'm doing the right thing, because i've only done one year of phd classes, so it's a good time to quit. i've had people tell me they wish they had quit at my level, but they feel trapped now because they are well into their dissertations.
my family were not understanding. none of them have ever been to grad school, but they believe that i was very far along and quitting at the last minute. i've told them one year of classes is nothing, but they don't realize how hard the exam and dissertation are, and think i could get them done if i spent just a little more time in school.
i figured if they wouldn't listen to me, they might listen to someone else. i found an article written by a college professor that describes what it's like to get a phd in my field. i told them i would not visit until they read the article and wrote a few paragraphs summarizing the article and discussing why someone may choose not to get a phd. it’s not meant to be a long and difficult project, i just want them to understand my point of view.
my boyfriend and my siblings did their essays and apologized, and my boyfriend went above and beyond by including other sources besides the article. my parents still haven't done their essays and haven't apologized, and still complain that i’m throwing away all the work i did. aita for standing my ground and not visiting until they do their homework?
| 4,692 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p19anj/aita_for_assigning_my_family_homework_and_not/
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2021-08-09 20:04:18
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yta, but i love you for it. assigning school work to people who want you to continue school is hilarious. tell them they should just apply themselves more and stick with it.
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esh. they may be naive and are being rude about it, but frankly, you sound insufferable. i wouldnt do an assignment because someone in my family demanded it and i actually like reading and writing.
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this is funny as hell. not them being upset about you not finishing school when they don’t understand the slightest thing about it and refuse to do their “homework”. ha.
love it. but honestly i don’t blame you. they want to bitch about you not finishing? cool they can read what you would have to go through first.
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esh
look...if you want to hold your parents accountable for being irrational and immature about you dropping out, then by all means.
but assigning homework?
that's just juvenile
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yta, reading it is reasonable, expecting them to write an essay is unreasonable.
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nta clever way to flip the script on them like that. if they can't write a few paragraphs, they have no right to lecture you about dropping out of a second graduate degree. do **they** have three degrees? no? tell them to shut it.
a master's is absolutely nothing to sneeze at! while it's good to see things through if the end result is desirable, so many people wind up in debt with degrees they never use, simply because that's what's *expected* of them. the "never quit" attitude hurts everyone.
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[removed]
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nta. if they had apologized at least then might say yes. if they had done anything to indicate that they get they are wrong i might say yes.
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nta, hard nta.
one thing i notice about older people is they’re convinced they’ve already experienced our hardships. my parents come from an era where shit cost next to nothing and both have hired help to do their laundry, cook and whatnot. getting a degree is easy as hell, fields nowhere near as advanced, hardest part is getting into university. after that they just go to discos every single day. when i finally showed them my school work they never bugged me about being “dumb” or slow ever again.
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esh-
your family is not supporting you, and that's idiotic. if you feel trapped, lacking power/motivation, it's better to quit now than to get your ph.d. and go into a field you hate. now is a great time to reinvent yourself!
***however***, sers. assigning them homework with summaries due? what kind of passive-aggressive bullshit is that? you could send them the article, tell them why it is important to you and what you took away from it. but making them do a book report on it? makes you an asshole, too. i'm sorry your family was not initially supportive. they're certainly ah's in that regard. but your response stooped down to their level, making you join their ranks
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.743101 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i recently quit my phd program to get a job because i realized academia was not what i wanted and i was better off just using my master's to get a job. everyone i know from school or has experience with grad school agreed i'm doing the right thing, because i've only done one year of phd classes, so it's a good time to quit. i've had people tell me they wish they had quit at my level, but they feel trapped now because they are well into their dissertations. my family were not understanding. none of them have ever been to grad school, but they believe that i was very far along and quitting at the last minute. i've told them one year of classes is nothing, but they don't realize how hard the exam and dissertation are, and think i could get them done if i spent just a little more time in school. i figured if they wouldn't listen to me, they might listen to someone else. i found an article written by a college professor that describes what it's like to get a phd in my field. i told them i would not visit until they read the article and wrote a few paragraphs summarizing the article and discussing why someone may choose not to get a phd. it’s not meant to be a long and difficult project, i just want them to understand my point of view. my boyfriend and my siblings did their essays and apologized, and my boyfriend went above and beyond by including other sources besides the article. my parents still haven't done their essays and haven't apologized, and still complain that i’m throwing away all the work i did. aita for standing my ground and not visiting until they do their homework?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i recently quit my phd program to get a job because i realized academia was not what i wanted and i was better off just using my master's to get a job. everyone i know from school or has experience with grad school agreed i'm doing the right thing, because i've only done one year of phd classes, so it's a good time to quit. i've had people tell me they wish they had quit at my level, but they feel trapped now because they are well into their dissertations. my family were not understanding. none of them have ever been to grad school, but they believe that i was very far along and quitting at the last minute. i've told them one year of classes is nothing, but they don't realize how hard the exam and dissertation are, and think i could get them done if i spent just a little more time in school. i figured if they wouldn't listen to me, they might listen to someone else. i found an article written by a college professor that describes what it's like to get a phd in my field. i told them i would not visit until they read the article and wrote a few paragraphs summarizing the article and discussing why someone may choose not to get a phd. it’s not meant to be a long and difficult project, i just want them to understand my point of view. my boyfriend and my siblings did their essays and apologized, and my boyfriend went above and beyond by including other sources besides the article. my parents still haven't done their essays and haven't apologized, and still complain that i’m throwing away all the work i did. aita for standing my ground and not visiting until they do their homework? [/INST] yta, but i love you for it. assigning school work to people who want you to continue school is hilarious. tell them they should just apply themselves more and stick with it. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother in law that paternity tests aren't automatic
| 23,418 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gdr20t/aita_for_telling_my_brother_in_law_that_paternity/
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2020-05-05 04:23:48
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nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark.
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oh boy. nta because you didn’t do it on purpose so it’s literally impossible to be the ah. obviously the lying wife is the ah.
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lmao nta is this real? i cannot. poor guy, somebody needed to tell him
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nta. how the hell would you be the asshole? she's the one who cheated, christ. shooting the messenger. you didn't sabotage anything, you just said the truth.
also, assuming this is true, his wife is a friggin idiot. what was the point in requesting a paternity test?
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nta. so everybody suspected he was being cheated on and didn’t have the guts to tell him something was off until you mentioned? nope. his cheating spouse and everyone who kept this from him sucks.
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nta- you literally just told him a factual story about your birth experience. that’s it. that’s what you did.
the fact that there were extenuating circumstances that caused your bfs brother in law to come to a completely unrelated realization is absolutely not your fault or your problem. it’s not like you were intentionally trying to out his wife (which you’d arguably be justified in doing, albeit perhaps a bit nicer).
you had no idea the wife was cheating. you just noted something strange about his comments and shared your relevant experience.
he drew his own (correct) conclusions from that. frankly, i’m surprised he was finally able to figure out what that giant red cloth was doing, waving in his face.
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nta. you're the least person to be the asshole here. obviously your brother-in-law had a lot of anxiety about being the father of the child, and for good reasons. their happiness was based on very fragile foundations if learning about of hospital works can destroy it.
to blame you seems to be an easy way out for people who want to deviate from the matter at hand -- that has nothing to do with you. please don't let anyone make you the bad guy of this story, this wouldn't be healthy, for anyone.
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[removed]
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nta
sounds like you did him a favor. but maybe get him something for him to get his mind off things. he is going through a rough time, he needs good family around him, and he seems to have very little of that naturally.
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info: why are they upset with you? what’s their reasoning?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, personally i’d rather know and be told than live in the dark. </s>
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AITA for telling my step-daughter to “go ask her real dad” when she asked me to pay for her plane tickets?
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i married my wife elise 12 years ago. she has a 16 year old daughter (ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7 year old son as well.
from pretty much the beginning of our relationship, ana and i have never gotten along. i don’t know how to emphasize that it is not because of a lack of trying. she just does not like me. when she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid i’d tear their family apart”. nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so i suppose that’s progress
elise is a stay at home mother, so she relies on me for income. as a result, i pay for everything for ana. food. clothes. volleyball fees. field trips. i take an interest in her hobbies. i go to her games. i’m not saying i’m perfect but i try my damn hardest to be the step-father i can.
but it’s so... hard. always giving me curt 1-word responses. always having to have an attitude. she does things to get a rise out of me. staying out late reeking of booze. always trying to sneak boys in. typical rebellious stuff. but i always let her know i love her and i’m there for her in hopes of her “shithead teenager” phase pasts.
the opposite is true for her biological father. she adores him. can’t tell you why. he never goes to her games, always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her. he forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep.
well anyways, friday, i came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment). i ask for the phone, she says “no, i’m tired of you checking my shit, leave me alone”. i tell her i’m not asking again and she goes “just fuck off already. you’re not my real dad. you never have been. stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door.
like i said guys. i’m tired. tired of the blantant disrespect. of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family.
we haven’t really talked since until this morning during breakfast. she asked if i could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state. like i said, her mom doesn’t work and her dad is a pos so i normally would be the one to cough up the money. not this time. i responded “go ask your real dad”. i could tell she was hurt. tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table.
my wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful. i said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s her treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and i will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house. i told her we don’t have to be friends, but if she can’t at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure, she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials. aita?
| 22,551 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irxyza/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_go_ask_her/
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2020-09-13 13:08:42
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nta, but you barely mentioned your wife, her mother. why is she not handling this with her daughter? you’ve been in her daughter’s life since she was 4, as (step)dad, and your wife has continued to let this fester? she’s continued to let her daughter disrespect you and continued to mislead her daughter about her father’s true character. this is all kinds of wrong.
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nta. maybe your daughter can have a first-hand look at how much words can hurt. i think you should go to her, apologize (never mind the fact she doesn’t deserve it. you’re the adult, be the bigger person), and set firm, fair, and strict rules about behavior going forward. tell her what you told us; that you don’t have to be friends, but you need her to respect your authority and at least be cordial to each other. maybe ask her why she doesn’t like you. ask if there’s anything you can do to support her better. and most importantly, remind her that you love her and will be there for her.
teenage girls are hard man. keep trying; a decade from now, she’ll be grateful that you chose the high road
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esh. she's the bratty teenager, not you.
also, please for the love of god don't look through your teens' phones. that's not going to help shit. they're just going to get better and better at hiding things from you.
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i just want to give a slightly different perspective. when my parents divorced, i "adored dad" and was mad at mom. but you know what? i did not dare be angry at my dad. he might go away and i never see him again. i trusted my mom enough to dare to be angry - i knew she would not abandon me.
but i agree that stepdaughter needs to be respectful. but she might like you more then you think.
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nta. where is your wife in all this? why the hell is she letting her daughter treat you like this??
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esh. you’re acting like a child to get back at a child. her mother should have stepped in a long time ago. you need family counseling and individual counseling asap
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info why does she hate you so much, especially after so many years? clearly she has a 'side' to this, and it isn't just teen angst.
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esh. elise sucks for not dealing with this budding problem 12 years ago. ana sucks for not appreciating the material things you provide. you suck for stooping to ana's level and claiming to not understand why she feels a connection to her biological father.
i also take issue with you going through her phone. if you are genuinely concerned for her physical safety, talk it over with elise and let elise make the call. i think there are very few circumstances that justify violating someone's privacy, and from what you've written here it was more of a power move than anything else.
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nta you're not a punching bag. your wife should be on your side
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esh and you moreso, because you're the adult in this situation.
the way you describe your relationship with your daughter reveals a lot. you say she does things like staying out late, drinking, and sneaking boys in the house "to get a rise out of you." her own birth father forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep over it ... but you only describe this as evidence that she cares about him more than you. you describe her feelings towards you when she was four years old - barely verbal!! - and her feelings now in the same sentence, as if she's been an adult fully capable of understanding the world for that entire time. you clearly care for her a lot, but you've allowed your pain to cloud your judgment of her character and behaviour.
she is a child. she is staying out late and drinking because she has no idea how to process her feelings of abandonment, of being an outsider in her own family. she is crying herself to sleep because she feels utterly unloved and unloveable. she is lashing out at you because she feels like you're only there for her because it's a requirement of being with her mother. of course these things all hurt, of course it hurts to be treated with contempt for years when you keep trying to help. but somehow your family has failed to deal with these insecurities and now they've ballooned into a real problem that could cause long-term harm. your hurt is secondary to that issue.
so you have to be bigger than her. your wife is right - don't stoop to her level. and don't let yourself think that she's doing these things "at" you purely because she dislikes you. try to look at this situation calmly and with empathy. get her into therapy and get into therapy yourselves. apologize to her - not because you think what she did was ok, but because no one should ever treat her like that.
also, i hope you're not talking about money with your family the way you talk about it in this post. just because your wife is a sahm does not mean she is not contributing to the household. it's not your money, it's the family's money, so when you "cough up" the money for her expenses, it's the whole family doing that, not you. not saying you should pay for the plane ticket - quite the opposite actually, i think it's a huge ask and possibly a dangerous one! - but that you should treat it as asking the whole family for money, not just you the provider.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.430388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i married my wife elise 12 years ago. she has a 16 year old daughter (ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7 year old son as well. from pretty much the beginning of our relationship, ana and i have never gotten along. i don’t know how to emphasize that it is not because of a lack of trying. she just does not like me. when she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid i’d tear their family apart”. nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so i suppose that’s progress elise is a stay at home mother, so she relies on me for income. as a result, i pay for everything for ana. food. clothes. volleyball fees. field trips. i take an interest in her hobbies. i go to her games. i’m not saying i’m perfect but i try my damn hardest to be the step-father i can. but it’s so... hard. always giving me curt 1-word responses. always having to have an attitude. she does things to get a rise out of me. staying out late reeking of booze. always trying to sneak boys in. typical rebellious stuff. but i always let her know i love her and i’m there for her in hopes of her “shithead teenager” phase pasts. the opposite is true for her biological father. she adores him. can’t tell you why. he never goes to her games, always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her. he forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep. well anyways, friday, i came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment). i ask for the phone, she says “no, i’m tired of you checking my shit, leave me alone”. i tell her i’m not asking again and she goes “just fuck off already. you’re not my real dad. you never have been. stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door. like i said guys. i’m tired. tired of the blantant disrespect. of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family. we haven’t really talked since until this morning during breakfast. she asked if i could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state. like i said, her mom doesn’t work and her dad is a pos so i normally would be the one to cough up the money. not this time. i responded “go ask your real dad”. i could tell she was hurt. tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table. my wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful. i said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s her treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and i will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house. i told her we don’t have to be friends, but if she can’t at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure, she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i married my wife elise 12 years ago. she has a 16 year old daughter (ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7 year old son as well. from pretty much the beginning of our relationship, ana and i have never gotten along. i don’t know how to emphasize that it is not because of a lack of trying. she just does not like me. when she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid i’d tear their family apart”. nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so i suppose that’s progress elise is a stay at home mother, so she relies on me for income. as a result, i pay for everything for ana. food. clothes. volleyball fees. field trips. i take an interest in her hobbies. i go to her games. i’m not saying i’m perfect but i try my damn hardest to be the step-father i can. but it’s so... hard. always giving me curt 1-word responses. always having to have an attitude. she does things to get a rise out of me. staying out late reeking of booze. always trying to sneak boys in. typical rebellious stuff. but i always let her know i love her and i’m there for her in hopes of her “shithead teenager” phase pasts. the opposite is true for her biological father. she adores him. can’t tell you why. he never goes to her games, always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her. he forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep. well anyways, friday, i came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment). i ask for the phone, she says “no, i’m tired of you checking my shit, leave me alone”. i tell her i’m not asking again and she goes “just fuck off already. you’re not my real dad. you never have been. stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door. like i said guys. i’m tired. tired of the blantant disrespect. of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family. we haven’t really talked since until this morning during breakfast. she asked if i could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state. like i said, her mom doesn’t work and her dad is a pos so i normally would be the one to cough up the money. not this time. i responded “go ask your real dad”. i could tell she was hurt. tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table. my wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful. i said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s her treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and i will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house. i told her we don’t have to be friends, but if she can’t at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure, she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials. aita? [/INST] nta, but you barely mentioned your wife, her mother. why is she not handling this with her daughter? you’ve been in her daughter’s life since she was 4, as (step)dad, and your wife has continued to let this fester? she’s continued to let her daughter disrespect you and continued to mislead her daughter about her father’s true character. this is all kinds of wrong. </s>
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AITA for letting our kids play in the pool where a neighbors child died and for not getting rid of the pool?
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so when my husband and i were looking at houses we found this great one with a pool in the backyard. normally it would have been out of our price range, but this one was a great deal. the reason why was because one of the neighbors children had drowned in the pool last summer.
i know it’s really morbid, but my husband and i discussed it and we decided we could look past it. i mean we could never otherwise afford anything like it. it was big enough that all our kids could finally have their own bedrooms.
when we had moved in the pool was empty and we didn’t see the point in filling it since at the time it was too cold out to go swimming anyway. since it’s getting hot out now we decided to finally fill it last week. our kids had a great time swimming and were having fun laughing and playing games.
later though husband was confronted by our neighbor (the one whose kid died) saying that the sounds of kids playing in the pool was traumatizing to his family and that we were horrible for letting our kids play in that pool after what happened.
since then we’ve learned from an online post that several other people in the neighborhood similarly feel that we are being insensitive by letting out kids play in the pool. many of them thinking that the right thing to do would have been to get rid of the pool or fill it up.
even considering it all though we don’t want to get rid of our pool. we never had a pool before, but now we’re really enjoying it and our kids do too.
other info:
we’ve noticed a lot of comments are telling us to put in a fence. we already have a tall fence that is completely solid (not see through) and we always keep the gate locked.
also the child in question died while swimming during a pool party.
so that’s going to be all for us and we’re going to sign off now. sorry we didn’t read them all, but thanks for all your comments.
| 18,464 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4ugmd/aita_for_letting_our_kids_play_in_the_pool_where/
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2021-05-04 17:43:10
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nta....and you can't change what happened before you moved in.
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nta - i can understand how those sounds could be traumatizing to the family who lost the child, but it's really not reasonable to expect that pool to never be used again. and calling you "horrible" for using your own pool is completely out of line, even if they're grieving.
i hope you can come to some kind of an agreement that can respect their feelings, but in the end it's your pool in your yard and it's not anyone else's business if you use it or not, regardless of what your neighbors think about it.
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nta. if they wanted the pool filled in, they should have bought the property and done it. leaving it empty is a hazard as well. what if the kids were playing around it and fell in and hit their head. it's not their property. if it's a sore spot for them, they should move.
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sorry a kid died in the pool . but it has nothing to do with you. kids drown in lakes and rivers all the time unfortunately, but people still use and enjoy the rivers and lakes . get a good lock for your gate and make your fence as high as legally allowed and post no trespassing signs and enjoy your pool. other people's grief is not your problem no matter what they think.
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nah. your neighbors recently experienced the loss of a small child that they knew and cared about, i feel for them. but it's your pool, you have the right to choose what to do with it, including using it as a pool. please make sure you're taking appropriate precautions to avoid a repeat.
edit to clarify: if the neighbors start harassing or ostracizing the op and her family about this, my rating would change to n t a. but so far it sounds like only the parents have said something, and other neighbors have been discussing amongst themselves.
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as the mother who lost a child to a pool party accident, i hope i can provide a little insight.
considering the pool was empty when you bought the house this could very likely be the first time that this family is hearing these sounds and didn't realize how triggering they could be. our next door neighbors have a pool and i can guarantee you that the sound of children playing in a pool is triggering. it sends chills through my body to hear the water splashing and kids screaming/playing. we have even covered our windows that face their pool because sometimes just seeing a pool can be upsetting.
i have often wondered why the family who's pool we were visiting (not our neighbors) didn't fill in their pool. how could they let their daughter play in the pool where mine died? how could they look at it every day? but they can and they do.
there are a few things you could do to help your neighbors if you're so inclined.... you could sit down and talk with them about how you could help ease the situation. offer to maybe text them when you are going to use the pool, this way they can be prepared for the sounds or take a family outing. if your kids are old enough, explain to them what happened and that they can help this family by lowering their voices. maybe add some landscaping so that they can't see your pool from their windows. a small amount of consideration can go a long way.
i'm sorry that your pool has been the topic of conversation in the neighborhood. you bought a home with a pool that you wanted to use even after knowing what happened. ynta in this situation.
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nah. they have suffered a terrible loss and are grieving. you bought a nice house with a pool and want to enjoy using it. there is no middle ground here. you are going to use the pool and your kids will love it. they will continue grieving. there is nothing you do that will change their loss. make sure it is well fenced and enforce safety.
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i understand the nah votes because the grief from losing a child is unspeakable. and maybe that’s a better vote but...i have to vote nta because i feel it’s unfair, especially of the other neighbors, to expect you to live up to some impossible standard. i find it interesting that the homeowner was so traumatized they sold the property, yet the actual child of the parent continues to live near the scene of the tragedy.
i certainly don’t advocate any sort of showdown with the parent of the child who died. with them i think a carefully worded note expressing your sympathy but politely explaining your position and the joy your family gets from the use of the pool should be sufficient, along with an attempt by you and your family to minimize particularly loud horseplay out there for at least another summer or 2. i’m not saying treat it as a quiet zone, but there’s children playing noise and then there’s unnecessary screaming, screeching etc that could certainly be traumatic for that family...just do whatever you can to minimize that particular level for one or two more summers.
as for the other neighbors...if they had such strong feelings about what should happen to the pool/property, they had the same opportunity that you did to purchase and use as they saw fit. a polite but firm “this is not really an issue that involves you...i’ve communicated with (deceased child’s family) and don’t feel the need to discuss this further...” seems to be your best reply there.
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nta. they’re entitled to be uncomfortable and upset about it, but not to the point of asking you to fill it in or turn it into a neighborhood debate.
maybe see if there’s something else you can do, like build a bigger fence or have security cameras there to put the concerns of some of your neighbors to rest. i don’t blame the parents of the kids for feeling so strongly about the situation though.
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nah.
grief effects everyone differently.
yout neighbors' have experienced a life-altering trauma, and are trying to heal from/deal with their new reality.
is their request reasonable? no. but, is it understandable? of course.
you have every right to enjoy a feature of a home you own.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NAH
| null |
NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.015625 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so when my husband and i were looking at houses we found this great one with a pool in the backyard. normally it would have been out of our price range, but this one was a great deal. the reason why was because one of the neighbors children had drowned in the pool last summer. i know it’s really morbid, but my husband and i discussed it and we decided we could look past it. i mean we could never otherwise afford anything like it. it was big enough that all our kids could finally have their own bedrooms. when we had moved in the pool was empty and we didn’t see the point in filling it since at the time it was too cold out to go swimming anyway. since it’s getting hot out now we decided to finally fill it last week. our kids had a great time swimming and were having fun laughing and playing games. later though husband was confronted by our neighbor (the one whose kid died) saying that the sounds of kids playing in the pool was traumatizing to his family and that we were horrible for letting our kids play in that pool after what happened. since then we’ve learned from an online post that several other people in the neighborhood similarly feel that we are being insensitive by letting out kids play in the pool. many of them thinking that the right thing to do would have been to get rid of the pool or fill it up. even considering it all though we don’t want to get rid of our pool. we never had a pool before, but now we’re really enjoying it and our kids do too. other info: we’ve noticed a lot of comments are telling us to put in a fence. we already have a tall fence that is completely solid (not see through) and we always keep the gate locked. also the child in question died while swimming during a pool party. so that’s going to be all for us and we’re going to sign off now. sorry we didn’t read them all, but thanks for all your comments.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so when my husband and i were looking at houses we found this great one with a pool in the backyard. normally it would have been out of our price range, but this one was a great deal. the reason why was because one of the neighbors children had drowned in the pool last summer. i know it’s really morbid, but my husband and i discussed it and we decided we could look past it. i mean we could never otherwise afford anything like it. it was big enough that all our kids could finally have their own bedrooms. when we had moved in the pool was empty and we didn’t see the point in filling it since at the time it was too cold out to go swimming anyway. since it’s getting hot out now we decided to finally fill it last week. our kids had a great time swimming and were having fun laughing and playing games. later though husband was confronted by our neighbor (the one whose kid died) saying that the sounds of kids playing in the pool was traumatizing to his family and that we were horrible for letting our kids play in that pool after what happened. since then we’ve learned from an online post that several other people in the neighborhood similarly feel that we are being insensitive by letting out kids play in the pool. many of them thinking that the right thing to do would have been to get rid of the pool or fill it up. even considering it all though we don’t want to get rid of our pool. we never had a pool before, but now we’re really enjoying it and our kids do too. other info: we’ve noticed a lot of comments are telling us to put in a fence. we already have a tall fence that is completely solid (not see through) and we always keep the gate locked. also the child in question died while swimming during a pool party. so that’s going to be all for us and we’re going to sign off now. sorry we didn’t read them all, but thanks for all your comments. [/INST] nta....and you can't change what happened before you moved in. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend's co-worker that we're not married?
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i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship.
boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe.
a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife.
this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead.
he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on.
i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out.
aita?
&#x200b;
| 25,810 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la3xpq/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriends_coworker_that_were/
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2021-02-01 14:13:31
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nta
that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on.
if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife.
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hell no nta. why is he calling you his wife and he doesn't marry you. that seems kind of stupid
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nta. that would be the stupidest inside joke in history. if your boyfriend, i mean husband is adamant in calling you his wife, why doesn’t he propose lol considering your long history too!
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nta
boyfriend looked like a dickhead because boyfriend was being a dickhead. you didnt do that. if he doesn’t want to be married, he should not tell people he’s married. if he wants people to think he’s married, he should get married (although i advise against that).
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nta he doesn’t want to pay for a wedding then gets mad because your not married and you tell people that you aren’t like wtf
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nta. here’s the plan:
agree to go along with the ‘inside joke’
wait for his next video meeting
come in all giggly
“hi guys! sorry there was some confusion last time! bf isn’t my husband because he refuses to marry me! isn’t that hilarious! anyway, gotta go!”
move out.
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nta, you have every right to claim your relationship status. you shouldn't feel ashamed or need to lie about your relationship status. i don't know the culture you're in on why being married would be a benefit at work. but you don't owe him a cover up.
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he doesn’t want to get married, so you came to terms with that. now he’s mad that you won’t pretend to be married. weird dude. nta.
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nta your comment was not out of place. it also seems pretty damn bold of him to call you his wife after refusing to marry you.
also, his plan is the dumbest fucking plan i've ever heard. it's making my skin crawl just imagining being on the coworkers end of this weirdo scheme.
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nta and you should find out why this is so important to your boyfriend. i know a guy who also calls his girlfriend his wife but they are together for so long and both know that it's only a matter of time until they marry, so they don't really care at this point. but your boyfriend seems to give a lot about this discussion and i honestly don't know what to think of that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been with boyfriend for about 5 years. we live together. he does not want to get married, which i'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship. boyfriend was talking to co-worker on zoom when i brought him some coffee. co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife i've heard so much about". i said something like "thanks but we're not married". he said "oh, boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, i introduced myself, then ended the conversation and left as quickly i could while still being polite because both boyfriend and co-worker were giving me a weird vibe. a little while later, boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?". i didn't know what he meant so i asked "what was what?". boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct co-worker and that it's better if people think i'm his wife. i said i'm not his wife, i'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that i'm his wife. this somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that boyfriend never told me that his co-workers think we're married, and boyfriend's side being that i should have figured that being called his wife indicated that co-worker thought i was his wife and i shouldn't have corrected him, and when i said i thought he'd just made an assumption, boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him, that it was rude, and that it make boyfriend look like a dickhead. he then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with co-worker, he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that i was messing with him, and that boyfriend is actually husband and us not being married is an inside joke i thought co-worker was in on. i then said that was the dumbest fucking plan he'd ever come up with, and "no fucking way am i doing that", and he said i was being an arsehole, that i got him into this, and now i have to bail him out. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta that is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on. if you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife. </s>
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AITA for taking crappy holiday photos because my MIL didn't want me in the photos?
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i married my wife lia two months ago. i'm also a woman for the record. lia's mom seems to have a problem with me, or my sexuality or something, lia is bi and her mom seems to wish she'd stayed with one of her male exes.
so anyway at christmas, we were taking photos and her mom was like "op, we want the photos to be family only.." lia started to protest, like "we're married, mom" but i didn't want an argument so i said "it's ok, i'll take the pictures."
it was kind of cringy because lia's sister's husband, and cousin and his wife and son were there so there were definitely spouses and children included
i was kind of annoyed and decided to not take the best ones... just on purpose, focused the camera on the furniture rather than people, snapped pictures zoomed in awkwardly close, used unflattering flash, didn't hold my hands steady so they were blurry, took pictures on purpose when someone was looking away or coughing or something.
anyway i took like 30 pictures and they ranged from bad to horrible. and i gave the camera back and said that i hope they find a nice one to frame in there.
after everything, lia was angry on my behalf, said her mom had no right to treat me like that and i didn't have to say "it's ok" when it was totally rude. and i just started laughing and told her what i'd done. we snuck down to the dining room later that night and she lost it laughing at the pictures i'd taken. she even deleted some of the more decent ones.
we're still waiting for her mom to plug her camera into the computer and see the pictures. we're planning on saying i tried my best but didn't know how to use a dslr camera if anyone says something
aita for taking bad photos on purpose?
| 22,672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eewz6x/aita_for_taking_crappy_holiday_photos_because_my/
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2019-12-24 05:38:28
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nta. your mother in law is an asshole and your revenge was perfectly petty.
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yta in the best possible way. i would have done the same.
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i mean esh in the best way possible.
like petty, but i'm not not here for it.
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[deleted]
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nta - your wife sounds pretty awesome.
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esh buuuut honestly i would do it too.
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nta - too bad your spouse didn’t flat out refuse to be in the “family-only” photos. you and she are more family than the siblings are. marriage pre-dates children. the marital family provides the basis for the biological one. not the other way around. so by you marrying your spouse you now outrank the reat of the family in being “family-only” to lia.
funny prank you played on them, mom has the brass to specifically exclude you from the photos and then demand you be the one to document the ostracism? she deserved every shitty pic and more.
|
esh
obviously your mil sucks. but lia was ready to stand up for you and instead of letting that happen, you steamrolled to pull a prank and ruined photos for everyone, not just mil. you could have let her defend you and then you all might have had nice photos. this also is absolutely not the way to get her mil to recognize her behavior, so ultimately it's a lose-lose solution.
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[deleted]
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i wouldn't say yta but you did give her one more thing to hold against you. its awful that she excluded you but by taking shitty pictures (chances are she's gonna say you did it on purpose) you'll be proving her right, in her mind. you're better off being kind and polite cos it makes her shitty behaviour even more evident to the people around you. if you act rudely, you'll be affirming all the bad things she thinks about you but if you're nice to her despite it, shes gonna have a harder time with it.
my ex's mum was horrible to me, i started being super nice to her and eventually the rest of the family stopped letting her be awful. her bad attitude toward me stood out so much, because i was nice to her.
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
YTA
| 0.743101 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i married my wife lia two months ago. i'm also a woman for the record. lia's mom seems to have a problem with me, or my sexuality or something, lia is bi and her mom seems to wish she'd stayed with one of her male exes. so anyway at christmas, we were taking photos and her mom was like "op, we want the photos to be family only.." lia started to protest, like "we're married, mom" but i didn't want an argument so i said "it's ok, i'll take the pictures." it was kind of cringy because lia's sister's husband, and cousin and his wife and son were there so there were definitely spouses and children included i was kind of annoyed and decided to not take the best ones... just on purpose, focused the camera on the furniture rather than people, snapped pictures zoomed in awkwardly close, used unflattering flash, didn't hold my hands steady so they were blurry, took pictures on purpose when someone was looking away or coughing or something. anyway i took like 30 pictures and they ranged from bad to horrible. and i gave the camera back and said that i hope they find a nice one to frame in there. after everything, lia was angry on my behalf, said her mom had no right to treat me like that and i didn't have to say "it's ok" when it was totally rude. and i just started laughing and told her what i'd done. we snuck down to the dining room later that night and she lost it laughing at the pictures i'd taken. she even deleted some of the more decent ones. we're still waiting for her mom to plug her camera into the computer and see the pictures. we're planning on saying i tried my best but didn't know how to use a dslr camera if anyone says something aita for taking bad photos on purpose?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i married my wife lia two months ago. i'm also a woman for the record. lia's mom seems to have a problem with me, or my sexuality or something, lia is bi and her mom seems to wish she'd stayed with one of her male exes. so anyway at christmas, we were taking photos and her mom was like "op, we want the photos to be family only.." lia started to protest, like "we're married, mom" but i didn't want an argument so i said "it's ok, i'll take the pictures." it was kind of cringy because lia's sister's husband, and cousin and his wife and son were there so there were definitely spouses and children included i was kind of annoyed and decided to not take the best ones... just on purpose, focused the camera on the furniture rather than people, snapped pictures zoomed in awkwardly close, used unflattering flash, didn't hold my hands steady so they were blurry, took pictures on purpose when someone was looking away or coughing or something. anyway i took like 30 pictures and they ranged from bad to horrible. and i gave the camera back and said that i hope they find a nice one to frame in there. after everything, lia was angry on my behalf, said her mom had no right to treat me like that and i didn't have to say "it's ok" when it was totally rude. and i just started laughing and told her what i'd done. we snuck down to the dining room later that night and she lost it laughing at the pictures i'd taken. she even deleted some of the more decent ones. we're still waiting for her mom to plug her camera into the computer and see the pictures. we're planning on saying i tried my best but didn't know how to use a dslr camera if anyone says something aita for taking bad photos on purpose? [/INST] nta. your mother in law is an asshole and your revenge was perfectly petty. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister I don't trust her to watch my son?
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i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born.
the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem.
i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?
| 28,885 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f93gj0/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_trust_her_to/
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2020-02-25 03:02:48
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nta. she only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid. your instincts are correct. with everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list. remind your parents of the comments she’s made. you have no reason at all to trust her when it comes to your kid.
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nta. kudos to you, op, for busting your ass to be a good dad. your sister clearly has issues with your kid, so her watching him for an extended period, napping or not, seems like a bad idea. you did the right thing.
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info who on earth did you find who was willing to watch an infant for free?
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your sister has made it very clear that she’s not interested in helping with the baby, i wouldn’t have asked either.
nta. good luck to you, being a single parent is hard, especially so young.
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nta- she from your description isnt a safe choice to watch your son. you're doing great.
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i had a babysitter force-feed my children water. she had the idea that if 8 glasses a day (for adults) is good, then 8 gallons a day (even for preschoolers) was better. i'm very lucky my children weren't seriously harmed, but that was the utter end of leaving my children with anyone else until they were old enough to resist wicked authority.
i don't think any parent whose babysitter harms their child can really be prepared for it, but you should trust your instincts.
please read this:
# the gift of fear : and other survival signals that protect us from violence by gavin de becker
your instinct tells you that your sister can really harm your baby. don't force yourself to ignore that just to be polite.
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nta
your sister has made it clear she dislikes your kid. she's called him an annoyance and a hindrance.
you are absolutely right to not trust her with babysitting. what if the baby starts wailing for some reason. how do you know how she'll react considering she's wanted nothing to do with him since he was born and complains when he cries.
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[deleted]
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nah... hear me out.
i certainly think you’re not the asshole, but hearing your sisters argument, i sort of agree with her in a big way.
yes it’s your baby, but the whole family are also living with him and that would obviously change their lives too. perhaps it would be annoying sometimes (for example, if they want to watch a movie at night and can’t for fears of waking the baby) as babies change your lives and even parents who feel ready for a child have moments where they break down about everything from being awaken at all hours etc.
fair enough, i haven’t had to live with a baby. but i have friends who have (a family members kid) and they need to walk on egg shells in their own homes. this can obviously take a toll.
so yeah she should have said what she said differently, but there could be some merit to what she’s saying. after all, babies aren’t always unicorns and rainbows. they’re hard work for everyone even if they’re not directly involved.
and lastly, she said that she would have helped you out here so there’s that. you never know, it could have been a way to have her become more accepting?
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esh.
i'm childfree by choice and would prefer to not care for children also i find them generally annoying. i will absolutely step up if a family members, or friends kids, need watching because parents are in a bind.
i think this was a good learning situation for everyone. sister gets to see how her words affect her trustworthiness, you communicated your feelings well, and stood up to your parents while accepting help that was offer via your community.
if possible i'd have a sit down conversation expressing that her words mean something and that if she truly feels she wants to be able to be called on in a pinch she needs to show she's capable of taking care of the kid. ie watch how things are done and why they're done for kiddo.
i think she's also venting the only way she knows how about the dramatic change in her home. kids affect everyone they live with and she likely feels like she has no control ( not like she had a lot to begin with) if her living situation.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NAH
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ESH
| 0.076621 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born. the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem. i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. his mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. i work 4am-12pm at a gas station and i raise my son, that's what i do these days. only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. i live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. i can't afford to move out with the baby. my parents help me when they can. my sister doesn't like my son, she once told me she thinks he's an annoyance and hinderance. if he cries she complains. if there's baby clothes in the laundry she complains. basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. i'm not perfect but i'm trying my best to be a good dad. my sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn't done that more than about four or five times since he was born. the other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. he works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. four hours and i'd get $400.00. i jumped at it, any extra money can only help. i started trying to find a babysitter. my sister was hanging out in the living room while i walked around the house on the phone. i managed to find a sitter who said she didn't want to be paid and went to get the baby ready. my sister asked me why i didn't ask her when she was sitting right there. i told her i didn't think she'd want to since she'd never offered to help before. she told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he's pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn't be a problem. i asked her why she didn't say something between phone calls and she said she didn't think she needed too because we're family and family asks each other for help. i reminded her of all the times she'd complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he'd never been born and asked her why she thought i'd ever trust her with my son. she started crying and told me that wasn't fair and i needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she'd never do anything to hurt him. i told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. when i got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them i'd accused her of bad intentions to the baby. aita for being honest when my sister offered to babysit? [/INST] nta. she only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid. your instincts are correct. with everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list. remind your parents of the comments she’s made. you have no reason at all to trust her when it comes to your kid. </s>
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AITA for telling my parents I won't drive my brother to school unless he is more hygienic because his smell literally makes me sick?
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i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right.
they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too.
i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired.
anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open
my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray.
right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc.
so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend.
and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving.
aita for what i did?
| 29,108 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1wohr/aita_for_telling_my_parents_i_wont_drive_my/
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2019-09-09 20:36:17
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nta they should want to make sure their son is hygenic anyway so he doesn't get bullied and ostracized. no one likes the smelly kid.
you are comfortable with their terms, nta.
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nta. that's a completely reasonable request. and wth are your parents doing letting your brother go to school smelling like a ripe gym bag? i get thay teenaged boys sweat and can smell, but that's no excuse for poor hygiene.
good on you for calling their bluff. they're just mad that they don't have leverage over you anymore.
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nta. i would start paying for your own insurance. and also tell your brother you love him.
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nta, and i seriously wonder why your parents are more afraid of hurting his feelings than parenting him and teaching him good hygiene. protecting his feelings (over yours, at that) is going to do more long term damage to him as a human being in the long run.
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info: is there anything stopping you from paying your own insurance. it’s bs in my opinion that they hold that one charge over your head. nta.
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nta. but maybe you could barf on him a couple times and see if that gets him to take the bus/take a shower.
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nta. i am really sensitive to smells and i work with teenagers. holy moly - few things can tear gas a car quite like an unwashed pubescent boy. it leaches into your pores. it sticks in your nose. it’s a slime. you are soooo nta.
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shoe anti-fungal spray? is he bathing in sewage?
i dig your play. as long as you were solid and willing to execute. i make it a point to never bluff, because if you get called on it and lose, you've permanently handed over power to the ultimatum jerk. you might want to get your hypersensitivity checked by a doctor, because this may lead to life problems down the line. i occasionally have hyper smelling and it takes every bit of willpower not to barf from regular clean house smell. like dawn soap is one of my triggers, and i use that daily.
i might have tried offering the bike to the stink-lord, but it sounds like there are no good solutions here, your parents have trenched this in as a "respect" thing.
you are nta. if you puked while driving, you'd be putting everyone around you at risk. this is a safety issue as much as it is a stink issue.
revised checklist
1. no you are not too tired to take a shower. get to it.
2. yes you have to brush your teeth, so does everyone else.
3. deodorant is non-optional.
4. floor grabbed clothes don't get a ride. this includes clean socks.
5. no grody shoes.
6. driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.
7. buckle up.
i'm sorry, even though you're totally not wrong, i don't think you're going to win this one, the trench has been dug.
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nta
you have a legit concern. if your parents aren’t going to address it properly, then you should just call their bluff and catch a different ride to school
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nta, i understand exactly what you mean, especially since i had to drive my brother to school, too. you shouldn’t be responsible for someone else’s hygiene, and if you don’t want to be trapped in a closed metal shell with them sitting right next to you, you shouldn’t have to.
it sounds like your brother is gonna have a tough time in high school, if his hygiene is that bad. best of luck friend.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right. they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too. i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired. anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray. right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc. so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend. and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving. aita for what i did?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a high school senior and my brother is a high school freshman. i have a car that i bought with money i'd saved from work, and i pay my own gas. however my parents pay my car insurance, so they said that driving is a privilege for me, not a right. they said i need to drive my brother to school even though there's a bus. and the problem is that i get motion sick easily; even when i'm driving. too much driving makes me vomit, and bad smells when i'm in a car make me feel ill too. i'm not exaggerating, i've always been like this. as a kid, my family couldn't go on vacation without me puking at least once. i always make sure i know where my barf bag is on a plane. i always used to take motion sickness pills, but i'm not allowed when i'm driving because they make you tired. anyway, i can handle the drive to school on my own fine, but when my brother is with me i literally feel so sick because of his bo. even with the windows on my side open my friend told me i should make a checklist of what my brother needs to do before getting in my car in the morning: have a shower with shampoo and soap, brush his teeth, put on deodorant, wear clean clothes including underwear and socks, remember to use shoe antifungal spray. right now, he doesn't do that, he likes to sleep in to the last minute, skip showers most days, pick clothes up off the floor to wear, skip brushing his teeth, etc. so i did that and told my mom and dad that i couldn't do it anymore unless my brother had done the hygiene list in the morning. either they could check or i would. and they blew up at me saying that i was being nasty and humiliating, that if i wouldn't drive my brother i couldn't drive. and i said fine; i'll go back to riding my bicycle to school or getting a ride from my friend. and that caused a big fight, because i guess they were not expecting me to call their bluff and give up driving. aita for what i did? [/INST] nta they should want to make sure their son is hygenic anyway so he doesn't get bullied and ostracized. no one likes the smelly kid. you are comfortable with their terms, nta. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she’s the reason I’ll never adopt
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i(30f) have three bio siblings(37m,36m,33f) and a sister(31f). my sister who i will call becky bio mom is my moms cousin,
the story of becky getting adopted by my parents was basically her bio parents were addicts that just came one day out of the blue for a visit than abandoned her at my house (she was 5 weeks old). for a few weeks they tried to get my cousins family to take her but those assholes didn’t want the shame of a baby with medical issues that was born out of wedlock. my parents fell in love with becky and the rest was history
thankfully all becky really needed was love and a good home, she beat a lot of odds and leads a healthy successful life
my parents never hid the fact becky was adopted (she’s biracial) and we all learned about her heritage growing up. everything was perfect till her parents reached out when she was 22 they where clean and wanted a relationship
in the space of a few months she became a different person it was like she hated us for taking her away from her bio parents, as soon as she finished college and got the €20,000 check my parents gifted her (it’s a start up we all got)
she ghosted us and sent a letter to my parents telling them if they ever tried to contact her again she file a restraining order. she got married and none of us even knew
her mother passed away when she was 26 which lead her father to relapse than unfortunately die 8 months later . after becky reached out, my parents welcomed her back with open arms but i still can’t
which leads to now- me and my husband recently had a baby via ivf after 6 years trying (5 natural) i brought my son to meet the family tonight and after dinner the girls of us were in the living room ,i thought up how he was worth everything (explaining my struggles) and that i’m gonna start naturally trying soon so he will have a sibling . becky made a comment about why we didn’t look into adoption since the world was already over populated i told her
“honestly we thought about it but after all the shit you pulled i’m afraid you’re the reason i will never adopt”
becky yelled at me to get over it already than left and my mother said i shouldn’t of spoke to her like that so in the end i ended up leaving early too
my siblings are on my side but my parents are extremely mad
also i’d like to point out english isn’t my first language and i’m on mobile
| 20,428 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rdk6ly/aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_the_reason_ill/
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2021-12-10 22:15:24
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nta because if her bio parents were still alive she wouldn’t even be around y’all right now
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becky was abandoned by her birth parents and then abandoned by the rest of their family who didn’t want to take on a child with health needs. that type of thing can create huge issues and a disordered attachment style (basically, insecurity over whether people really love her.) i’m involved in foster care, and this type of thing is very normal. becky perhaps felt that she almost needed to abandon her adoptive family in order to prove that her bio family really did love her. a bit twisted, but i’m sure her emotions at the time were very, very intense.
this is why, in foster care, even when it is very messy and complicated, we usually try to make sure children have contact with bio family - so they don’t develop some fantasy of what their ‘real’ family is like and run off to them the first chance they get.
did becky act fantastically? no, she didn’t. but, being the only adopted child in your family and bi-racial too must not have been very easy. i’m sure she felt quite different a lot of the time.
she asked why you wouldn’t adopt and she got her answer. i’d leave it there.
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nta,i hate adopted kids who turn on the parents who loved them and raised them as soon as they find out there real parents want a relationship,she deserves it honestly
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nta - she dropped her real family for strangers that share her genetic makeup. that must have been very hurtful and i'm sorry you experienced this. she asked a question, you gave your honest answer and also brought up a very valid concern. i have heard of similar situations so it doesn't sound like an isolated incident. i don't know if any of the siblings got a real apology from becky, but there are consequences to her actions, so until she gives a real apology and wanted to go to family therapy, she isn't taking ownership of her mistake and leaving the burden on everyone else to get over it. congratulations on the new baby and wishing you the best of luck on #2.
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nta. did she ever apologize at least about what she did?
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nta you are entitled to your feelings, too bad she didn't like hearing how her behavior affected you. she can pull up her big girl pants and get over it.
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nta
i mean she asked the question (rather invasive and rude one mind you) and you gave the answer.
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info has becky ever had any issues growing up as an adopted child? her reaction sounds quite extreme; i understand meeting bio parents is a huge deal, but this?
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esh - becky shouldn't have asked that question, but your answer was just as shitty as her asking the question. she was a mixed up young adult who had complicated feelings about her adoption and her bio-parents. that's pretty usual. you could've shut her rude question down without dragging that all up and upsetting not only her, but the rest of your family as well.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(30f) have three bio siblings(37m,36m,33f) and a sister(31f). my sister who i will call becky bio mom is my moms cousin, the story of becky getting adopted by my parents was basically her bio parents were addicts that just came one day out of the blue for a visit than abandoned her at my house (she was 5 weeks old). for a few weeks they tried to get my cousins family to take her but those assholes didn’t want the shame of a baby with medical issues that was born out of wedlock. my parents fell in love with becky and the rest was history thankfully all becky really needed was love and a good home, she beat a lot of odds and leads a healthy successful life my parents never hid the fact becky was adopted (she’s biracial) and we all learned about her heritage growing up. everything was perfect till her parents reached out when she was 22 they where clean and wanted a relationship in the space of a few months she became a different person it was like she hated us for taking her away from her bio parents, as soon as she finished college and got the €20,000 check my parents gifted her (it’s a start up we all got) she ghosted us and sent a letter to my parents telling them if they ever tried to contact her again she file a restraining order. she got married and none of us even knew her mother passed away when she was 26 which lead her father to relapse than unfortunately die 8 months later . after becky reached out, my parents welcomed her back with open arms but i still can’t which leads to now- me and my husband recently had a baby via ivf after 6 years trying (5 natural) i brought my son to meet the family tonight and after dinner the girls of us were in the living room ,i thought up how he was worth everything (explaining my struggles) and that i’m gonna start naturally trying soon so he will have a sibling . becky made a comment about why we didn’t look into adoption since the world was already over populated i told her “honestly we thought about it but after all the shit you pulled i’m afraid you’re the reason i will never adopt” becky yelled at me to get over it already than left and my mother said i shouldn’t of spoke to her like that so in the end i ended up leaving early too my siblings are on my side but my parents are extremely mad also i’d like to point out english isn’t my first language and i’m on mobile
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(30f) have three bio siblings(37m,36m,33f) and a sister(31f). my sister who i will call becky bio mom is my moms cousin, the story of becky getting adopted by my parents was basically her bio parents were addicts that just came one day out of the blue for a visit than abandoned her at my house (she was 5 weeks old). for a few weeks they tried to get my cousins family to take her but those assholes didn’t want the shame of a baby with medical issues that was born out of wedlock. my parents fell in love with becky and the rest was history thankfully all becky really needed was love and a good home, she beat a lot of odds and leads a healthy successful life my parents never hid the fact becky was adopted (she’s biracial) and we all learned about her heritage growing up. everything was perfect till her parents reached out when she was 22 they where clean and wanted a relationship in the space of a few months she became a different person it was like she hated us for taking her away from her bio parents, as soon as she finished college and got the €20,000 check my parents gifted her (it’s a start up we all got) she ghosted us and sent a letter to my parents telling them if they ever tried to contact her again she file a restraining order. she got married and none of us even knew her mother passed away when she was 26 which lead her father to relapse than unfortunately die 8 months later . after becky reached out, my parents welcomed her back with open arms but i still can’t which leads to now- me and my husband recently had a baby via ivf after 6 years trying (5 natural) i brought my son to meet the family tonight and after dinner the girls of us were in the living room ,i thought up how he was worth everything (explaining my struggles) and that i’m gonna start naturally trying soon so he will have a sibling . becky made a comment about why we didn’t look into adoption since the world was already over populated i told her “honestly we thought about it but after all the shit you pulled i’m afraid you’re the reason i will never adopt” becky yelled at me to get over it already than left and my mother said i shouldn’t of spoke to her like that so in the end i ended up leaving early too my siblings are on my side but my parents are extremely mad also i’d like to point out english isn’t my first language and i’m on mobile [/INST] nta because if her bio parents were still alive she wouldn’t even be around y’all right now </s>
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AITA For telling my fianceé she's either with me or against me in this conflict?
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so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding.
thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food.
she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it.
mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also.
now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too.
but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok.
we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely.
| 23,036 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohs0ef/aita_for_telling_my_fianceé_shes_either_with_me/
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2021-07-10 22:09:15
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nta but this is a very good peek into your future. your mil is going to do this all the time about everything and it doesn’t sound like your fiancée has the spine to stand up to her. you need to have a conversation with her about your partnership and her mother. if you’re happy to deal with this for the rest of your life then good luck with the wedding, but if you don’t want her interfering with everything (imagine when she becomes a grandmother!) then you need to take pause and consider whether this is what you want forever.
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nta. the question you need to ask yourself is if this is a life you want to live. this isn’t going away after the wedding.
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nta run, op, run!
your parents not being able to make it to that venue should be a deal breaker for your future wife, and her parents. the fact that it isn’t shows you just how little they value you, your family, and friends. think about how this plays with buying a home, having children, raising children- look how much your future monster in law is trying to micromanage your life now, how is it going to be with babies in the mix? assuming that’s your plan…if you’re not planning on having kids, how is that going to go over with her?
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nta but you have a r/justnoso and r/justnomil and both those subs have many resources for you.
you and your fiancee need to also sit down and communicate and agree on priorities and boundaries. this is not her having to choose between you and her mom. rather, is she going to be your partner in a marriage.
your fiancee has been trained through a lifetime to give in to her mother and likely should seek therapy on her own to think about boundaries and enmeshment.
read books about enmeshment, read the online essay don't rock the boat, and approach your fiancee with compassion and understanding of her past abuse by a manipulative mother.
best of luck to you
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nta - i'm sorry, but i seem to be missing the part where fmil decided they were getting married instead of you and your spouse. this is your day; yours and your wife's. you didn't ask them to pick a venue, you didn't ask them to pay for it....far as i can tell, you didn't ask them for anything.
before anything else, i would have a strong talk with your wife. not about the wedding, but about how much she wants her parents in your personal lives. if this is going to continue, if they're going to be making important decisions without your input or approval, you need to know that now, before you commit to a lifetime in their service. cause they sure as hell won't be serving you.
if you still decide to get married, you need to have a united front with your wife, that this is your marriage, not their approval of your marriage. if they can accept that and offer suggestions, great. if not, start trimming down the guest list with them, and keep going with other family members on either side who think they know what you want or what's best for you both.
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nta. know that this is gonna be your future if you go through with the wedding. your fiancée is gonna pick her parents over you every time, you need to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her about this.
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nta. but you two need to have a real tough talk here. by building a life with you, marrying you, your fiancée is choosing you over her parents. she is creating a team with you and you two should be a unit to the rest of the world. yes, it’s a good idea to consider the feelings of others, especially loved ones. but your fiancée is used to letting her mom rule her life. either fiancée needs to tell mom to stop and mean it, or you need to decide whether you really want all of your life decisions impacted by her mother.
what else does her mother get to have a say on? where you live? what jobs you two have? if you’ll have kids and when and how many and how to raise them? tread carefully. i know i wouldn’t tie the knot with someone who hasn’t cut the cord yet.
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nta. your disabled parents can't travel that distance, and it is also your wedding. you want your parents there. do not settle on this issue because the way i see it, it'll only get worse once you're married. stand your ground. let them know you won't let them do whatever they want.
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>she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents
bruh, she's already chosen, and it ain't you. it never will be.
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nta. if the fmil is aware of your family restrictions then she has done it deliberately so that she will be able to invite more guests.
this is not your fault. it is the fault of your fiancée. she didn’t pull her mum into line. she is letting her mum turn this into the mums dream wedding. it shouldn’t even be a choice of you or the parents, it should just be you and her.
tbh i would be reconsidering the wedding and the relationship too. if she can’t set healthy boundaries here what about when you have children? it’s both your wedding and she is letting her mother try and dictate who can be your best man, and how many people you can invite.
if you still want to be with this person (don’t know why, you’re support them and paying for this wedding) then tell them they can pay for one wedding and you will have another (do that one first) where they aren’t invited so they can’t possibly ruin it because let’s be real, your wedding is going to be drama filled. or just f them all and elope.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding. thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food. she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it. mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also. now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too. but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok. we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my fianceè (f, 24) & i (m, 27) got engaged in may and are currently planning for our wedeing in aug. it's worth mentioning that i'm the sole earner because my fianceé is still in university, i've saved up decent amount of money to afford the wedding. thing is her parents get involved in everything. from picking the engagement ring on my behalf, to giving opinions on where we should rent and now my fmil is constantly giving opinions on our wedding. fmil would follow up on everything we do and make negative comments on things like: the best man, the guest list, and food. she told my fianceè she didn't like who i picked to be my best man and wanted me replace him after a big argument but i said no. though my fianceè said we shouldve just done it. mil also wanted me to un-invite people i wanted at the wedding so she could add more guests on her side of family. i said no to that also. now the current or biggest conflict between us. mil called saying she didn't like the venue we picked which is in our hometown. she wanted me to reconsider but i said no since my fianceé liked it too. but my fianceé came to me yesterday to show me a venue her mom picked and already paid for saying since she paid for it then i should say yes this time. i was in shock and angry because not only did she not consult us but the venue she picked is 3 towns away where my bil lives. i immediately thought about my disabled parents who can not travel this distance for health reasons, besides that most of my family won't attend because of distance. i said absolutely not agreeing on this venue. my fianceé said she disagreed with me and i had no right to complain because her mom and dad paid a lot of money for this venue as wedding gift and we should accept it. i calmly explained why i refused and she kept saying i'm refusing on purpose because "i hate her mom" and am playing cat & mouse with her. i bluntly said her mom is indeed making this a game and told my fianceé she's either with me or against on this issue. she either backs me up or there won't be anymore wedding planning. she got upset and started crying asking what she's going to tell her mom and why i was making her choose between me & her parents but i just feel like she's refusing to see why i don't want this specific venue. so what of her brother lives there. i have never been to that town so having the wedding just cause her mom paid for the venue is not ok. we haven't talked eversince that argument. my friend called me ungrateful fool for turning away a free wedding venue over distance but i can't help but feel fmil did it purposely. [/INST] nta but this is a very good peek into your future. your mil is going to do this all the time about everything and it doesn’t sound like your fiancée has the spine to stand up to her. you need to have a conversation with her about your partnership and her mother. if you’re happy to deal with this for the rest of your life then good luck with the wedding, but if you don’t want her interfering with everything (imagine when she becomes a grandmother!) then you need to take pause and consider whether this is what you want forever. </s>
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AITA for inviting my (29M) Girlfriend (28F) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her)
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hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law.
my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.
when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed.
she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.
| 21,988 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o94ms2/aita_for_inviting_my_29m_girlfriend_28f_on_an/
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2021-06-27 20:11:29
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yta.
you make three times what she does. you knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. you planned the holiday/the activities. she even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day.
don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you.
i think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. she probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals.
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yta dude come on, your gf had to take a second job to keep up with your family. you heard her stomach yt you didn't think she may not have the cash? god, your not the brightest are you. you make over 100,000 more than her and don't even treat her to a holiday. ya it's not going to work. your blind to your gfs struggling. help her
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yta 100%. she went because she loves your stupid ass. she worked a second job and went hungry to be with you and your family. maybe you and your family should have some empathy and consider that not everyone is making six figures. teachers are drastically underpaid for their education and often have to take a second job. public servants who teach children are devalued and in this case her own boyfriend and his family couldn’t care less that she was making huge sacrifices to attend. your job is to be a good partner. you failed.
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yta and other commenters have done a good job of explaining why so i'm just going to respond to you "i don't know why she agreed to come" line.
uh... because you're her boyfriend and she wants a life with you rather than two separate lives due to your income disparity?
she's right. this is never going to work long term if you can't either a.) partially pay for her or b.) reduce the cost of the things you do so that she can afford to pay her portion. where exactly do you see this going otherwise?
this girl worked two jobs and ate 2 meals a day to spend a vacation with you and your family and all you can say is "well she just should have stayed home"?
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forget being yta , you made your girl work an extra job and left her starving in her room alone.... as her bf you didn’t once feel the need to take care of her? you literally left your women hungry and alone .... who does that to the person they love. i hope she leaves your ass
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yta. it's pretty disgusting that she is willing to jump through all these hoops, miss meals, skip events, put herself in debt, all to spend time with you. but you with all your wealth aren't willing to even buy her lunch. sometimes being part of a relationship means giving up something you have to show how special the other person is to you. it sounds to me like you would be totally ok with her telling you up front that she will not go on the vacation because she can't afford it. meaning you would still go and leave her behind. that's not a real relationship. the right thing to do would have been to offer to help pay the moment you found out she planned to get a second job just to spend extra time with you. you don't love or care about her which is the bottom line. the more a man loves a woman the more of him he wants to give to her.
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wow yta you sound like a pompous ass. to be fair she should have just stayed home because she could not afford to pay for a vacation you and your brother planned without any consideration for her finacial situation. don't worry, i suspect she'll be your ex-girlfriend soon.
"my family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. "
are you obtuse? you don't make reservations where someone on the trip can not afford. as i said, she'll be well rid of you shortly and you will be a someone she and her friends joke about when they play "can you top this jerk i dated".
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**your incomes are not 50/50, so why do you expect your financial contributions to be that way?**
she’s trying her best to participate with you all on gatherings and trips, even taking on extra work to help pay for it. i don’t get it. you could easily pay her way, and it’d be no skin off your teeth.
yta and soon to be single.
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yta - you saw her skipping meals and at no point said "it's okay, this one's on me."
you let her take on a second job when it's something you invited her to, not that she was asking you to spoil her. if you guys are doing 50/50 it would make a lot more sense that you at least pay 3x as much as her to account for what portion of your pay it takes up.
it's probably embarrassing for her to admit this is all expensive, but also seriously- man up and just pay. i would have dumped you after thr first such outing if i were her.
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yta. you know she really had no idea how much things were going to cost. she makes $45k a year she hasn’t been living the highlife in another country. i can’t imagine going on a vacation with my so, someone i care about (do you?), then all jaunting off for expeditions and leaving her alone for 1/2 the time. then taking her to restaurants you know she can’t afford . and watching her starve herself to be able to go the other 2 times…? surely you are making this up. you can’t be this clueless at age 29.
i think this is so fake but here’s your judgement
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law. my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed. she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello. my girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. my brother and i were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. for background, i make around $150,000k as an it consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. my parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law. my girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. we have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. there were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. she also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. my family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. my parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. when we got home i asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- i mentioned how i heard her stomach growling one night and said i was concerned about her having an eating disorder. she got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn't fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). she said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed. she also said she doesn't know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. i feel bad that i did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. but we did agree to split everything 50/50 and i don't know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue. [/INST] yta. you make three times what she does. you knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. you planned the holiday/the activities. she even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day. don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you. i think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. she probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals. </s>
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AITA for saying I don't care about my daughter selling stuff in school?
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hi all.
my (34f) daughter, amy (15) has a "business" at school. she purchases multipack items such as snacks, drinks, etc and sells them individually. she has been doing this for about two years and the profits have been pretty good from what she's said.
i don't mind her doing this personally. it's not illegal like selling drugs or anything like that, and it means she doesn't have to ask me for money. since she started she's bought herself a lot of new dresses and shoes.
however, the school apparently do not support this. she and a few others doing the same thing were caught and were given a week of detentions, with the possibility of suspension if they caught again.
my husband was enraged, he wanted to ground amy and give her additional punishments. personally i couldn't care less. she's found a way to earn money so she can buy what she wants. it's not illegal, and her grades are good so it's obviously not distracting her from school.
i've told my husband that i don't want to punish her or stop her from selling. the school are making something out of nothing. he thinks that i'm "putting her education at risk" by letting her continue.
| 6,826 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o9ija7/aita_for_saying_i_dont_care_about_my_daughter/
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2021-06-28 11:41:54
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yta. i don't think you should punish her further, but if the school have asked her not to do this, you shouldn't be encouraging her to break the rules, especially if suspension is a possible consequence.
>it means she doesn't have to ask me for money.
is that really what this is about?
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soft yta.
she found a way to make money. great.
however, she is selling it on school property. the school has every right to put an end to that.
your husband, on the other hand is going over board wit his reaction.
this is a situation where a conversation with your daughter might have more effect than punishment or no reaction from you and your hubby.
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yta
you're teaching a lesson, and that lesson is: the rules don't apply to me.
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i'm going to say yta.
to be clear, i agree that its not a big deal. hell, i did that type of thing for a while myself. but once the school said she can't do it, and you said you won't stop her, i do think you become the asshole there. school's may have dumb rules, but all of them aren't worth fighting. i'd argue this is one of them.
and also, this likely is illegal, even if she would almost never likely be arrested or face any serious issues outside of the school. i'd bet the things she is selling are things that aren't meant to be individually resold
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yta - clearly there isn't a reason to punish her at home, however you shouldn't be encouraging her to break the school rules. they don't want her doing it, and there is a rather large risk for continuing.
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yta. she’s clearly doing something against school rules. it doesn’t matter that it isn’t illegal and her grades are good. what matters is if she is allowed to do it at school and clearly she isn’t. all you’re teaching her is it’s okay to do something you shouldn’t as long as you don’t get caught.
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yta for encouraging her to continue when the school has told her otherwise.
if you, and her, want to fight to change school rules that’s one thing. if you think they are specifically targeting your daughter due to her success but allow other children to sell products on campus that’s another. but to encourage her to continue to do something that’s against a reasonable school rule seems problematic for everyone.
the only reason i think she should be punished at all is if she knowingly broke school rules by selling. banning sales on school property makes sense. there can be countless problems in a high school when peers shift to customers. again, if you (and her, that’s really important) disagree then by all means fight to change the rule.
convenience for you isn’t a good enough reason to encourage her to face school penalties.
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hmm, the school *probably* has some kind of rule against selling on the grounds. i think it’s fine for the school to give her detention, but if she hasn’t been told by you or your husband not to sell things at school, then should she really be punished for it by you guys?
soft yta. it’s great shes found a way to make money, but that’s not what school is for. part time job or doing extra chores around the house in exchange for more pocket money would be more ideal than letting her continue selling things at school.
you don’t want to stop her from selling.. so you’re happy for her to be suspended and miss out on education?
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yta there are several reasons for schools banning the sale of unapproved food on grounds. 1. it’s a huge liability for them and your daughter as well. if she were to make someone sick or someone thought she was the reason for them getting food poisoning your family could be held responsible. 2. she’s not aware of various food allergies associated with any food even prepackaged foods. 3. students will skip their actually nutritious lunch just to eat junk food. so schools try to limit the access to those things on school grounds.
i would encourage her to find other ways to hone her entrepreneurial passions.
maybe purchase her a book or compile some youtube resources for making slime or something and sale it online.
a part of business is following proper regulations. don’t teach your daughter to undermine authority when she’s clearly in the wrong for breaking school policy for personal gain.
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i’m just here to point out the fact that most of those multi-pack items have stamps on them saying “not for resale” for this exact reason.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all. my (34f) daughter, amy (15) has a "business" at school. she purchases multipack items such as snacks, drinks, etc and sells them individually. she has been doing this for about two years and the profits have been pretty good from what she's said. i don't mind her doing this personally. it's not illegal like selling drugs or anything like that, and it means she doesn't have to ask me for money. since she started she's bought herself a lot of new dresses and shoes. however, the school apparently do not support this. she and a few others doing the same thing were caught and were given a week of detentions, with the possibility of suspension if they caught again. my husband was enraged, he wanted to ground amy and give her additional punishments. personally i couldn't care less. she's found a way to earn money so she can buy what she wants. it's not illegal, and her grades are good so it's obviously not distracting her from school. i've told my husband that i don't want to punish her or stop her from selling. the school are making something out of nothing. he thinks that i'm "putting her education at risk" by letting her continue.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all. my (34f) daughter, amy (15) has a "business" at school. she purchases multipack items such as snacks, drinks, etc and sells them individually. she has been doing this for about two years and the profits have been pretty good from what she's said. i don't mind her doing this personally. it's not illegal like selling drugs or anything like that, and it means she doesn't have to ask me for money. since she started she's bought herself a lot of new dresses and shoes. however, the school apparently do not support this. she and a few others doing the same thing were caught and were given a week of detentions, with the possibility of suspension if they caught again. my husband was enraged, he wanted to ground amy and give her additional punishments. personally i couldn't care less. she's found a way to earn money so she can buy what she wants. it's not illegal, and her grades are good so it's obviously not distracting her from school. i've told my husband that i don't want to punish her or stop her from selling. the school are making something out of nothing. he thinks that i'm "putting her education at risk" by letting her continue. [/INST] yta. i don't think you should punish her further, but if the school have asked her not to do this, you shouldn't be encouraging her to break the rules, especially if suspension is a possible consequence. >it means she doesn't have to ask me for money. is that really what this is about? </s>
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AITA for changing my son's school so he wouldn't have to shoulder the weight of helping his stepbrother?
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ex (40m) and i (31f) have a son who is 11. ex cheated on me with his current wife three years ago. ex's wife has a son daniel who is the same age as my son. the first two years were rough. daniel's home was ripped apart too and lashed out at my son because of it. he bullied him for a solid two years. made his life a living hell to the point the school called us all in at various times and there was tension between all of us because i requested my son be more protected and i told my ex he needed to do a better job of protecting our son and not let him suffer because he decided to cheat with a married woman.
my ex took me to court then because i requested at one of these meetings that my son and daniel be separated in school and my ex wanted to sever my education decision abilities because he said i was using the cheating to get what i wanted and to create more distance between the new brothers. the judge did not like hearing what he did but it was my ex's actions he didn't like. from defending having them in the same class despite the bullying being to the level it was, to saying i shouldn't get a say in the decision to admitting he left his wife to attend meetings on his behalf at times, and then digging his heels in with the judge. the judge gave me full educational decision making. where i only need to notify ex of any change.
after the whole bullying ordeal was over they decided my son needed to help daniel with school work because daniel was struggling in school. this included in and out of school and taking up lunch time if daniel needed it. my son hated it. his relationship with daniel has not gotten better because of the bullying and back in may he told me he wanted to change schools. i weighed the options and after talking to my ex about the pressure he put on our son despite everything that had happened, and him saying they were brothers and our son would grow to appreciate being forced eventually, i decided to respect what my son wanted and i moved him from that school to another one in the district (which was possible because of my address and slight changes in zoning in the last two years). ex expressed unhappiness with it but that was it when i told him.
and then our son didn't need to help daniel as much. until after christmas when both boys were doing school virtually and they asked our son to help daniel and one time in an exchange with his dad about it our son said he thought moving schools would stop him being forced to help daniel, my ex went nuts and raged at me for moving him to stop him helping daniel when daniel is an innocent kid who doesn't deserve that. i told him our son was innocent too and shouldn't have the pressure of two lots of work/homework on him and they need to get daniel an actual tutor since he's struggling so bad.
he called me an ah and said it was spite for his cheating and punishing a child. i see it as more doing what's best for my child, which is my priority. do you think ex is right?
aita?
| 20,672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mbcd2t/aita_for_changing_my_sons_school_so_he_wouldnt/
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2021-03-23 11:13:11
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nta. i think you need to consider filing for full custody. your ex is being abusive to your son.
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nta in no world is an 11 year old going to be forced to help his abuser
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nta. i would go back to court for full custody. the fact that your ex placed the burden of academic assistance on an 11 year old rather than help his son himself speaks volumes.
i am a certified teacher with a masters and over a decade of experience. move your son to a different school. in all honesty, i would temporarily refuse to allow my son to be forced to be near that child. mental health is incredibly fragile at your son's age. your child cannot continue to bear a burden that he shouldn't have been saddled with in the first place. furthermore, your son will begin to experience detrimental effects of bullying, neglect from his father, academic pressures, etc. unacceptable when it could all be avoided.
best of luck to you and your family. you are a good mom.
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nta - what daniel "doesn't deserve" is free tutoring from a kid he bullied for two years. your ex needs a reality check.
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nta. please try filing for full custody. your son is miserable and his childhood is being ruined.
if you still don't get full custody i hope your son would be old enough soon to be allowed to change custody agreement himself.
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nta. if just for the bullying. if your ex-husband is not protecting your son against daniel then he is not truly his father, he is only a sperm donor. a true father looms out for his children and protects them from anyone who would hurt them.
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nta, but your ex sure is. he is using his own son as a tool, and putting his step child's needs before his own son. besides all that, you're absolutely right that is ex's step son is struggling so bad he should have a tutor.
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nta.
no 11 year old child should be bearing the responsibility of another 11 year olds education. ex and new gf/wife need stop playing happy families and acting like what they did had no negative repercussions on either child, recognize both children are struggling due to their decisions, and then work with the children instead of forcing them to try and fix things for eachother.
if daniel is having a hard time in school then his parents need to find him a tutor or some sort of assistant, and put the time in themselves to help him with his work. forcing you son to help daniel when he doesnt want to is only gonna cause resentment between them both, they definitely won't be feeling like brothers after that.
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nta. you’re not punishing your son’s stepbrother, you’re protecting your son. besides, he wanted to move schools, unless there’s a good reason not to let him, that should be up to him. you should look into how old a child has to be to decide which parent they want to live with where you live (i imagine around 13-14) because being forced to live with his bully is probably very damaging for him.
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nta
making your son help his bully is just plain cruel. on top of that, an 11-yr old should not be burdened with the task of helping another child. he should have the chance to focus on his own education.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ex (40m) and i (31f) have a son who is 11. ex cheated on me with his current wife three years ago. ex's wife has a son daniel who is the same age as my son. the first two years were rough. daniel's home was ripped apart too and lashed out at my son because of it. he bullied him for a solid two years. made his life a living hell to the point the school called us all in at various times and there was tension between all of us because i requested my son be more protected and i told my ex he needed to do a better job of protecting our son and not let him suffer because he decided to cheat with a married woman. my ex took me to court then because i requested at one of these meetings that my son and daniel be separated in school and my ex wanted to sever my education decision abilities because he said i was using the cheating to get what i wanted and to create more distance between the new brothers. the judge did not like hearing what he did but it was my ex's actions he didn't like. from defending having them in the same class despite the bullying being to the level it was, to saying i shouldn't get a say in the decision to admitting he left his wife to attend meetings on his behalf at times, and then digging his heels in with the judge. the judge gave me full educational decision making. where i only need to notify ex of any change. after the whole bullying ordeal was over they decided my son needed to help daniel with school work because daniel was struggling in school. this included in and out of school and taking up lunch time if daniel needed it. my son hated it. his relationship with daniel has not gotten better because of the bullying and back in may he told me he wanted to change schools. i weighed the options and after talking to my ex about the pressure he put on our son despite everything that had happened, and him saying they were brothers and our son would grow to appreciate being forced eventually, i decided to respect what my son wanted and i moved him from that school to another one in the district (which was possible because of my address and slight changes in zoning in the last two years). ex expressed unhappiness with it but that was it when i told him. and then our son didn't need to help daniel as much. until after christmas when both boys were doing school virtually and they asked our son to help daniel and one time in an exchange with his dad about it our son said he thought moving schools would stop him being forced to help daniel, my ex went nuts and raged at me for moving him to stop him helping daniel when daniel is an innocent kid who doesn't deserve that. i told him our son was innocent too and shouldn't have the pressure of two lots of work/homework on him and they need to get daniel an actual tutor since he's struggling so bad. he called me an ah and said it was spite for his cheating and punishing a child. i see it as more doing what's best for my child, which is my priority. do you think ex is right? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ex (40m) and i (31f) have a son who is 11. ex cheated on me with his current wife three years ago. ex's wife has a son daniel who is the same age as my son. the first two years were rough. daniel's home was ripped apart too and lashed out at my son because of it. he bullied him for a solid two years. made his life a living hell to the point the school called us all in at various times and there was tension between all of us because i requested my son be more protected and i told my ex he needed to do a better job of protecting our son and not let him suffer because he decided to cheat with a married woman. my ex took me to court then because i requested at one of these meetings that my son and daniel be separated in school and my ex wanted to sever my education decision abilities because he said i was using the cheating to get what i wanted and to create more distance between the new brothers. the judge did not like hearing what he did but it was my ex's actions he didn't like. from defending having them in the same class despite the bullying being to the level it was, to saying i shouldn't get a say in the decision to admitting he left his wife to attend meetings on his behalf at times, and then digging his heels in with the judge. the judge gave me full educational decision making. where i only need to notify ex of any change. after the whole bullying ordeal was over they decided my son needed to help daniel with school work because daniel was struggling in school. this included in and out of school and taking up lunch time if daniel needed it. my son hated it. his relationship with daniel has not gotten better because of the bullying and back in may he told me he wanted to change schools. i weighed the options and after talking to my ex about the pressure he put on our son despite everything that had happened, and him saying they were brothers and our son would grow to appreciate being forced eventually, i decided to respect what my son wanted and i moved him from that school to another one in the district (which was possible because of my address and slight changes in zoning in the last two years). ex expressed unhappiness with it but that was it when i told him. and then our son didn't need to help daniel as much. until after christmas when both boys were doing school virtually and they asked our son to help daniel and one time in an exchange with his dad about it our son said he thought moving schools would stop him being forced to help daniel, my ex went nuts and raged at me for moving him to stop him helping daniel when daniel is an innocent kid who doesn't deserve that. i told him our son was innocent too and shouldn't have the pressure of two lots of work/homework on him and they need to get daniel an actual tutor since he's struggling so bad. he called me an ah and said it was spite for his cheating and punishing a child. i see it as more doing what's best for my child, which is my priority. do you think ex is right? aita? [/INST] nta. i think you need to consider filing for full custody. your ex is being abusive to your son. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter (23F) she's a bad person over pizza?
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my family consists of me, my husband, my daughter (22f) and my son (17m). my daughter moved back home during lockdown 2020 as she was finishing her masters degree. she took a year out to work and is now doing a secondary degree. i told her if she stayed at home and didn't take out any loans we would help her through the degree. (we aren't paying for it though, food/petrol/etc.)
on thursday night we threw a pizza party for myself, my husband, our children and their partners. it went great and everyone got on well. on friday night my family (me, husband, daughter and son) visited their grandparents for a family dinner.
on saturday my husband and i returned from a shopping trip around lunch time and told daughter she needs to get ready for the pizza night. she said she didn't know we were having a pizza night on saturday (i had invited over a group of old family friends) and that she had planned her weekend so she could do all her work saturday, and go to visit her boyfriend for sunday/monday as it is valentine's day. i told her she could at the very least stay for the meal but she said no, it always ends up becoming a long meal and she'd have to wash her hair and do her make up which she was planning to do sunday so she'd have clean hair and not need to wash it at her boyfriend's.
i told her if she was going to act like that i would cancel the whole thing. she said that's silly, she just didn't want to participate as she had work to do. it blew up between us as she said this was her time to do as she pleased and i had just had a week of holiday, i complained about trying to do my best to please everyone and she said that's nothing to do with her she didn't ask or know about my dinner plans. it escalated a bit and when her father (my husband) walked in i said our daughter was refusing to participate because she didn't want pizza again (she'd said she doesn't want pizza so soon after thursday as well). my daughter said 'it's not because she is making pizza it's because i'm busy and i don't want pizza either' i exclaimed 'she?! i am not she!' and my daughter repeated what she said but called me 'he' instead. i told her she's a bad person.
she did not join in pizza night, she was annoyed the guest stayed until 1am as she wasn't able to prepare her own dinner. we haven't talked since.
aita for calling her a bad person? i think she is ungrateful and should have just joined in but she doesn't like people seeing her as a 'mess' and blew up the situation. all she had to do was join in dinner.
| 11,281 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/stamb9/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_23f_shes_a_bad/
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2022-02-15 19:08:23
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yta. if you wanted her at dinner because you were having people over, you could have just asked what date/time worked for her beforehand so she can make time for it. the fact that you are supporting her does not mean you own her time. she deserves her commitments to be respected as well.
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yta
your daughter politely told you she had prior plans. you didn't inform her of the plan in advance and expected her to drop everything for you.
that's not fair.
i have no idea what you actual issue is with her use of the pronoun 'she', you craftily left that out. i suspect it, too, makes you look bad.
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**yta, and insufferably childish for a woman with two nearly-grown children.**
between your post and your comments you claim to feel:
1) insulted that your daughter referred to you in a grammatically correct and completely, objectively neutral manner using the gender-appropriate pronoun "she". you're literally going out of your way to find reasons to be offended. you claim that she was being insulting because she didn't call you by your "title", but objectively speaking (and i say this as a former professional editor), most people don't speak in the sort of awkward and stilted formal manner where they'd repeat your name or parental designation in every sentence. **referring to you as "she" whilst referencing you in conversation was neither snide nor hurtful in any way except in your very angst-ridden imagination, wherein you seem determined to be a victim of . . . well, something. it is not "disrespectful" to refer to you in a grammatically appropriate way, nor does it in any sane world indicate that she was ignoring you or pretending that you "weren't there" as you so oddly insist.**
2) "unappreciated" because you made a time-consuming and labor-intensive pizza dinner that you didn't actually invite your adult daughter to ahead of time, but rather assumed that she would be available for, despite the fact that she had just spent two nights in a row doing family dinners in the midst of a busy school schedule (one of which was also a pizza night), and then **demanded at the last minute that she make herself available for this as well, despite her having clear and logical reasons why this didn't work with her schedule, as well as you really not needing her there since you had your own guests coming for company, and found it unfathomable that she was not deeply appreciative of your thoughtless and, frankly, very rude demands.**
**yta, as well as completely lacking in reasonable social skills and familial boundaries, and an utter narcissist who seems to think that everyone else's life should revolve around your desires.**
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yta and blew this totally out of proportion. your daughter, who is an adult, btw, had plans and you didn't communicate your expectations. it sounds like you have a mind movie of your mental image of what your relationship is supposed to be and she's not living up to this unrealistic standard. and why did you get upset she called you "she". your daughter was speaking about you to another person and was using your proper pronoun.
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yta. it's clear you never told her of your plans - probably never intended too either.
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yta
this is crazy!
first you didn't tell her before hand
second she had plans that weekend
third she didn't want to come because she had work , a. i getting that right?
fourth it's not like you are inviting her friends or people her age, why does she have to join?
fifth all people who get mad when someone is talking about them using he or she is an idiot (what should she say???? aren't you a she? i hate when people do that a. not she am your mother ... are you an it?)
sixth she is not 5 she dies not have to be there just because you want her to, stop imposing stuff on your adult kids for no real reason...
seventh can you explain what made her a bad person???
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yta you picked a fight over a pizza?? 🙄🙄
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yta.
she’s an adult. she has her own plans. you suggested she stick around while she went to school, she isn’t obligated to participate in a mandatory family pizza party.
yikes, op.
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100% yta
so you expected your daughter to read your mind instead of communicating with her? you’re the selfish one, not her. she already made plans. expecting her to blow of her so near valentine’s day is ridiculous. even if you made your plans clear ahead of time, and she declined, it would be her right to do so. you choose to have the pizza party; she has a choice to not attend. your whims wants don’t become everyone’s priorities. that’s called being self-centered.
about the “she” thing. you’re literally acting as if she called you a curse word. it’s not a big deal. people don’t use titles or names every time they speak. she used your pronouns. it’s normal. you’re on a power trip.
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yta, next time if you're going to plan something like this let your daughter know ahead of time. from the sounds of it, you told her the afternoon of the party. she had other plans because you didn't bother to tell her so that's on you 100%.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family consists of me, my husband, my daughter (22f) and my son (17m). my daughter moved back home during lockdown 2020 as she was finishing her masters degree. she took a year out to work and is now doing a secondary degree. i told her if she stayed at home and didn't take out any loans we would help her through the degree. (we aren't paying for it though, food/petrol/etc.) on thursday night we threw a pizza party for myself, my husband, our children and their partners. it went great and everyone got on well. on friday night my family (me, husband, daughter and son) visited their grandparents for a family dinner. on saturday my husband and i returned from a shopping trip around lunch time and told daughter she needs to get ready for the pizza night. she said she didn't know we were having a pizza night on saturday (i had invited over a group of old family friends) and that she had planned her weekend so she could do all her work saturday, and go to visit her boyfriend for sunday/monday as it is valentine's day. i told her she could at the very least stay for the meal but she said no, it always ends up becoming a long meal and she'd have to wash her hair and do her make up which she was planning to do sunday so she'd have clean hair and not need to wash it at her boyfriend's. i told her if she was going to act like that i would cancel the whole thing. she said that's silly, she just didn't want to participate as she had work to do. it blew up between us as she said this was her time to do as she pleased and i had just had a week of holiday, i complained about trying to do my best to please everyone and she said that's nothing to do with her she didn't ask or know about my dinner plans. it escalated a bit and when her father (my husband) walked in i said our daughter was refusing to participate because she didn't want pizza again (she'd said she doesn't want pizza so soon after thursday as well). my daughter said 'it's not because she is making pizza it's because i'm busy and i don't want pizza either' i exclaimed 'she?! i am not she!' and my daughter repeated what she said but called me 'he' instead. i told her she's a bad person. she did not join in pizza night, she was annoyed the guest stayed until 1am as she wasn't able to prepare her own dinner. we haven't talked since. aita for calling her a bad person? i think she is ungrateful and should have just joined in but she doesn't like people seeing her as a 'mess' and blew up the situation. all she had to do was join in dinner.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family consists of me, my husband, my daughter (22f) and my son (17m). my daughter moved back home during lockdown 2020 as she was finishing her masters degree. she took a year out to work and is now doing a secondary degree. i told her if she stayed at home and didn't take out any loans we would help her through the degree. (we aren't paying for it though, food/petrol/etc.) on thursday night we threw a pizza party for myself, my husband, our children and their partners. it went great and everyone got on well. on friday night my family (me, husband, daughter and son) visited their grandparents for a family dinner. on saturday my husband and i returned from a shopping trip around lunch time and told daughter she needs to get ready for the pizza night. she said she didn't know we were having a pizza night on saturday (i had invited over a group of old family friends) and that she had planned her weekend so she could do all her work saturday, and go to visit her boyfriend for sunday/monday as it is valentine's day. i told her she could at the very least stay for the meal but she said no, it always ends up becoming a long meal and she'd have to wash her hair and do her make up which she was planning to do sunday so she'd have clean hair and not need to wash it at her boyfriend's. i told her if she was going to act like that i would cancel the whole thing. she said that's silly, she just didn't want to participate as she had work to do. it blew up between us as she said this was her time to do as she pleased and i had just had a week of holiday, i complained about trying to do my best to please everyone and she said that's nothing to do with her she didn't ask or know about my dinner plans. it escalated a bit and when her father (my husband) walked in i said our daughter was refusing to participate because she didn't want pizza again (she'd said she doesn't want pizza so soon after thursday as well). my daughter said 'it's not because she is making pizza it's because i'm busy and i don't want pizza either' i exclaimed 'she?! i am not she!' and my daughter repeated what she said but called me 'he' instead. i told her she's a bad person. she did not join in pizza night, she was annoyed the guest stayed until 1am as she wasn't able to prepare her own dinner. we haven't talked since. aita for calling her a bad person? i think she is ungrateful and should have just joined in but she doesn't like people seeing her as a 'mess' and blew up the situation. all she had to do was join in dinner. [/INST] yta. if you wanted her at dinner because you were having people over, you could have just asked what date/time worked for her beforehand so she can make time for it. the fact that you are supporting her does not mean you own her time. she deserves her commitments to be respected as well. </s>
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AITA for replacing room keys for $2 to avoid a $250 fee in our housing units?
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i live in a housing unit / dorm just outside of our college. it's not affiliated and is run by a third party company. it's a bit average, but it's an nice place to live and is a bit cheaper than living on campus.
the problem is our room keys. we use cards with magnetic strips on the back, like you would find in a motel. most of these cards are between 3 and 6 years old, and in terrible condition - when you move in, you get given cards from the last people in that room and if you're lucky, you have minimal problems, but this is the minority more than the majority.
if you want a replacement card for any reason, you are charged $250. lost, damaged or just not working - it's $250. most people just make sure they come and go during office hours so the ra can let them in if their card doesn't work, or people just share within a room as they might have 1 working card between 4 people. this doesn't really work for me, because i work until 4am most nights, so if my card doesn't work, i have to sleep in my car until someone can let me into the building at 8am.
recently my card stopped working altogether - wouldn't swipe in at all. the office staff told me it would be $250, despite the card being around since the beginning of time, which is clear because you can't even read the name of the company that was once printed on it. no exceptions. now this sucks, because i - like most people here, don't just have a spare $250 for a card.
so i did a bit of research. a card with a mag stripe doesn't have a lot of security on it. so i purchased a $85 card reader/writer from amazon and had it sent to me overnight. the next day, i borrowed a roommates card, and cloned it onto a new blank card (the machine came with 20) and it worked amazingly. problem solved. of course, my roommates heard about this, so i cloned all their broken, worn cards onto new ones and we just threw the old ones into the office drop box.
this spread like wildfire, and when everyone started coming back after covid restrictions, i was the go-to person for card replacements. i charged people $2 for the card ($1 to help me pay off the machine and $1 for the blank card) and then just threw the damaged cards in the office drop box as well.
the building administration caught on after i had done about 50 cards and asked to speak with me. they gave me a massive lecture on how i was depriving them of much needed income during a pandemic and that it was a security issue that i was cloning cards and said i need to stop what i was doing and they will be the only people who can provide cards.
i thought i was doing something good and helping out people who couldn't afford the replacement, but the lecture the administrators gave me got me thinking that i may be the ah as they're pretty good to us otherwise.
| 21,597 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irbwwg/aita_for_replacing_room_keys_for_2_to_avoid_a_250/
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2020-09-12 12:42:57
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nta - the fact they are not replacing cards at the beginning of a lease and using card replacement as a form on income shows you are not the asshole. if they replaced the cards at the beginning of a lease and then had the replacement charge as a way to discourage loss or theft, then you would have been the asshole.
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$250 is robbery for magnetic cards. i’m no lawyer but that doesn’t even sound legal. cards like that are supposed to be disposable and easily replaceable. you put it next to your phone, bam, dead. next to a magnet in your wallet, boom, dead. nta and you need to look into that more. your still paying rent right? then they are making money. pandemic my ass
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nta more like mvp. $250 to replace a card that didn't work to begin with.
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nta, tell them you will stop, then clamp down on snitches.
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$250 for a mag strip card is extortion.
i'd take that up with student affairs, and if that didn't work the local newspaper. college students have enough to pay for without bs like that.
i almost wonder if that's something you could sue for.
they want to be the only distributors of something they want to be the only provider of, and charging a rediculous price for it.
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nta. this place is ripping people off and they should actually be reported for this kind of practice. it costs almost nothing make a new one. i would have done the same thing if i were you.
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nta
the policy sucks. if the key is damaged from normal wear and tear then it should be replaced. i had analog keys that had to be copied at the hardware store. the only time i had to pay was when i lost it. i can understand the $250 if someone loses a card. because they should rekey that room and replace all the keys for that room.
you also just proved the cost of key replacement is a money grubbing scheme and that the security in their building sucks.
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nta - $250 for a card replacement is extortion and they basically admitted that they’re just using it as a revenue stream. i could understand $50 to cover the administrative and time cost, and to serve as an incentive for people to not lose cards - if they were ensuring all cards worked at the start of the year. but they’re being predatory as fuck.
what you did was absolutely brilliant, though bear in mind that they probably could cause trouble for you if you were to carry on - i’d imagine it technically breaches various terms you’ve agreed to. they’re assholes, but they’ve probably got the law on their side. so you’ll need to either stop or keep doing it very secretively.
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it is really shady that the landlord is charging tenants for cards that are near the end of their expected lifetime rather than for situations where you lose the cards. also shady is that they view this fee as a revenue stream rather than a mechanism to discourage tenants from losing their cards.
that said ... your card cloning operation is one hell of a security risk. are you requiring id before dispensing your cards? are you checking to make sure the person actually is living in the complex for the foreseeable future? do you have the ability to disable one of these cards if somebody loses it? do you have liability insurance to cover you if somebody uses one of your clone keys to break into someone's dorm?
esh.
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nta. $250 is a rip-off
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a housing unit / dorm just outside of our college. it's not affiliated and is run by a third party company. it's a bit average, but it's an nice place to live and is a bit cheaper than living on campus. the problem is our room keys. we use cards with magnetic strips on the back, like you would find in a motel. most of these cards are between 3 and 6 years old, and in terrible condition - when you move in, you get given cards from the last people in that room and if you're lucky, you have minimal problems, but this is the minority more than the majority. if you want a replacement card for any reason, you are charged $250. lost, damaged or just not working - it's $250. most people just make sure they come and go during office hours so the ra can let them in if their card doesn't work, or people just share within a room as they might have 1 working card between 4 people. this doesn't really work for me, because i work until 4am most nights, so if my card doesn't work, i have to sleep in my car until someone can let me into the building at 8am. recently my card stopped working altogether - wouldn't swipe in at all. the office staff told me it would be $250, despite the card being around since the beginning of time, which is clear because you can't even read the name of the company that was once printed on it. no exceptions. now this sucks, because i - like most people here, don't just have a spare $250 for a card. so i did a bit of research. a card with a mag stripe doesn't have a lot of security on it. so i purchased a $85 card reader/writer from amazon and had it sent to me overnight. the next day, i borrowed a roommates card, and cloned it onto a new blank card (the machine came with 20) and it worked amazingly. problem solved. of course, my roommates heard about this, so i cloned all their broken, worn cards onto new ones and we just threw the old ones into the office drop box. this spread like wildfire, and when everyone started coming back after covid restrictions, i was the go-to person for card replacements. i charged people $2 for the card ($1 to help me pay off the machine and $1 for the blank card) and then just threw the damaged cards in the office drop box as well. the building administration caught on after i had done about 50 cards and asked to speak with me. they gave me a massive lecture on how i was depriving them of much needed income during a pandemic and that it was a security issue that i was cloning cards and said i need to stop what i was doing and they will be the only people who can provide cards. i thought i was doing something good and helping out people who couldn't afford the replacement, but the lecture the administrators gave me got me thinking that i may be the ah as they're pretty good to us otherwise.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a housing unit / dorm just outside of our college. it's not affiliated and is run by a third party company. it's a bit average, but it's an nice place to live and is a bit cheaper than living on campus. the problem is our room keys. we use cards with magnetic strips on the back, like you would find in a motel. most of these cards are between 3 and 6 years old, and in terrible condition - when you move in, you get given cards from the last people in that room and if you're lucky, you have minimal problems, but this is the minority more than the majority. if you want a replacement card for any reason, you are charged $250. lost, damaged or just not working - it's $250. most people just make sure they come and go during office hours so the ra can let them in if their card doesn't work, or people just share within a room as they might have 1 working card between 4 people. this doesn't really work for me, because i work until 4am most nights, so if my card doesn't work, i have to sleep in my car until someone can let me into the building at 8am. recently my card stopped working altogether - wouldn't swipe in at all. the office staff told me it would be $250, despite the card being around since the beginning of time, which is clear because you can't even read the name of the company that was once printed on it. no exceptions. now this sucks, because i - like most people here, don't just have a spare $250 for a card. so i did a bit of research. a card with a mag stripe doesn't have a lot of security on it. so i purchased a $85 card reader/writer from amazon and had it sent to me overnight. the next day, i borrowed a roommates card, and cloned it onto a new blank card (the machine came with 20) and it worked amazingly. problem solved. of course, my roommates heard about this, so i cloned all their broken, worn cards onto new ones and we just threw the old ones into the office drop box. this spread like wildfire, and when everyone started coming back after covid restrictions, i was the go-to person for card replacements. i charged people $2 for the card ($1 to help me pay off the machine and $1 for the blank card) and then just threw the damaged cards in the office drop box as well. the building administration caught on after i had done about 50 cards and asked to speak with me. they gave me a massive lecture on how i was depriving them of much needed income during a pandemic and that it was a security issue that i was cloning cards and said i need to stop what i was doing and they will be the only people who can provide cards. i thought i was doing something good and helping out people who couldn't afford the replacement, but the lecture the administrators gave me got me thinking that i may be the ah as they're pretty good to us otherwise. [/INST] nta - the fact they are not replacing cards at the beginning of a lease and using card replacement as a form on income shows you are not the asshole. if they replaced the cards at the beginning of a lease and then had the replacement charge as a way to discourage loss or theft, then you would have been the asshole. </s>
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AITA for calling out a friend on not acknowledging how lucky she is?
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i will keep this short. seven friends and i were on a video call the other day catching up on each others' lives. of the seven, four are married, three have children. one friend, julie, was gushing about her promotion at her corporate job, saying how she really worked hard for it and she's happy they are finally recognizing her worth to the org. i immediately called bullshit and told her instead of lying about hard work, she should acknowledge that she is incredibly lucky to be where she is. julie has had everything handed to her on a silver platter. she graduated from a top university with no student debt because her parents paid her way. despite how she acted in high school and college and the reputation she developed, she still found someone who was willing to marry her. she has two children she conceived with no fertility issues, and her pregnancies have been relatively uneventful. contrast this with the rest of us who are struggling with student debt, unemployment, failed relationships and fertility issues. it just upset me that she was acting like she had surmounted some incredible challenge, when she was an internal candidate and got a recommendation from her boss. most companies would rather promote a mediocre established worker than hire outside the org, and while that may have not been the total reason she was promoted, i'm sure it played a role.
she got pissed at me, told me she wasn't going to apologize for the life she was living, and that i had no right to try to shame her. she left the call and we haven't spoken since. my other friends have told me that i sounded bitter, and that i should have spoken to her privately instead of confronting her on the call while she was in the middle of celebrating. they have all drunk the julie-koolaid so it didn't faze me that much but a guy i've been seeing told me i did sound confrontational and hostile. he also told me about this site, so i'm here for a judgement. aita?
&#x200b;
i am editing this to say that while i may have been harsh with how i said what i did and the venue i chose to say it, i still stand by what i said. julie has had all the privilege in life, and she is ungrateful for everything. and that is all i will say.
| 4,239 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gql36w/aita_for_calling_out_a_friend_on_not/
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2020-05-25 22:48:07
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yta. frankly you sound jealous and spiteful. you should be happy for your friend that she didn't struggle with fertility or have to incur massive debt to get an education, rather than using it to belittle her professional accomplishments which have literally nothing to do with her uterus. the fact that she was an internal candidate with a recommendation from her boss doesn't mean it's not an accomplishment. it means she's working her way up through the company and proving her value to her boss.
stop holding your own perceived failures against her and being hateful about the fact that she has a good life. you're not being kind or supportive or enlightening. you're being bitter, judgmental, and a generally awful friend.
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oh, op... i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in this case: yta.
&#x200b;
here's why:
julie is excited about her promotion. instead of saying she is a privileged brat and that she should shut her mouth, you should've stayed silent. what is a challenge to julie may not be a challenge to you or vice versa, and unfortunately, you trying to expose her privilege in an angry rant did nothing but ostracize you.
also, let me just insert this quote from you:
"despite how she acted in high school and college and the reputation she developed, she still found someone who was willing to marry her."
that is incredibly hostile and absolutely unacceptable, no matter the reputation of the person. looking at that made me cringe so hard, and i actually feel bad for julie that she had to hear that from a person she considered a friend.
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[deleted]
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yta, that definitely wasn't the nicest place to call your friend out... for getting a promotion? i don't understand why anyone would feel the need to say those things \*unless\* they were bitter at their friend. sounds like she first of all got in to a top university, yes she's lucky that she doesn't have student debt, but that's no reason for anyone to resent her.
also i'm not sure what kind of "reputation" you're claiming she built for herself but it sounds pretty slut shamey from over here.
and lastly, plenty of companies hire from the outside, and usually when bosses recommend someone for a promotion, it's because that person deserves a promotion.
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> i immediately called bullshit and told her instead of lying about hard work, she should acknowledge that she is incredibly lucky to be where she is.
of course yta. she got a promotion and you instantly use her luck against her? are you actually her friend or just hella jealous?
this screams jealously the further i read. good on her for sticking up for herself.
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[deleted]
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yta and you sound bitter and judgemental. have you been faking being her friend all this time?
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lmao yta, a bitter, jealous, sad asshole
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>despite how she acted in high school and college and the reputation she developed, she still found someone who was willing to marry her.
that one line makes you the unequivocal ah. and why *shouldn’t* she celebrate? maybe her parents paid for school, but *she* did the work to graduate and get the job, and *she* worked hard to get a good review from her boss for the promotion.
what do you want from this woman? it seems like you’d rather see her get fired, and her divorced, and have fertility issues. she has no control over these things. and even if she did, why should she make her marriage bad when she has a good marriage? yta.
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yta
you're mad at her because she didn't have a rough life? maybe she did have it easier than some, but that doesn't mean she didn't work her ass off for where she is now. you honestly sound very bitter and jealous, maybe work on yourself rather than trying to tear others down when they're happy with their lives.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i will keep this short. seven friends and i were on a video call the other day catching up on each others' lives. of the seven, four are married, three have children. one friend, julie, was gushing about her promotion at her corporate job, saying how she really worked hard for it and she's happy they are finally recognizing her worth to the org. i immediately called bullshit and told her instead of lying about hard work, she should acknowledge that she is incredibly lucky to be where she is. julie has had everything handed to her on a silver platter. she graduated from a top university with no student debt because her parents paid her way. despite how she acted in high school and college and the reputation she developed, she still found someone who was willing to marry her. she has two children she conceived with no fertility issues, and her pregnancies have been relatively uneventful. contrast this with the rest of us who are struggling with student debt, unemployment, failed relationships and fertility issues. it just upset me that she was acting like she had surmounted some incredible challenge, when she was an internal candidate and got a recommendation from her boss. most companies would rather promote a mediocre established worker than hire outside the org, and while that may have not been the total reason she was promoted, i'm sure it played a role. she got pissed at me, told me she wasn't going to apologize for the life she was living, and that i had no right to try to shame her. she left the call and we haven't spoken since. my other friends have told me that i sounded bitter, and that i should have spoken to her privately instead of confronting her on the call while she was in the middle of celebrating. they have all drunk the julie-koolaid so it didn't faze me that much but a guy i've been seeing told me i did sound confrontational and hostile. he also told me about this site, so i'm here for a judgement. aita? &#x200b; i am editing this to say that while i may have been harsh with how i said what i did and the venue i chose to say it, i still stand by what i said. julie has had all the privilege in life, and she is ungrateful for everything. and that is all i will say.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i will keep this short. seven friends and i were on a video call the other day catching up on each others' lives. of the seven, four are married, three have children. one friend, julie, was gushing about her promotion at her corporate job, saying how she really worked hard for it and she's happy they are finally recognizing her worth to the org. i immediately called bullshit and told her instead of lying about hard work, she should acknowledge that she is incredibly lucky to be where she is. julie has had everything handed to her on a silver platter. she graduated from a top university with no student debt because her parents paid her way. despite how she acted in high school and college and the reputation she developed, she still found someone who was willing to marry her. she has two children she conceived with no fertility issues, and her pregnancies have been relatively uneventful. contrast this with the rest of us who are struggling with student debt, unemployment, failed relationships and fertility issues. it just upset me that she was acting like she had surmounted some incredible challenge, when she was an internal candidate and got a recommendation from her boss. most companies would rather promote a mediocre established worker than hire outside the org, and while that may have not been the total reason she was promoted, i'm sure it played a role. she got pissed at me, told me she wasn't going to apologize for the life she was living, and that i had no right to try to shame her. she left the call and we haven't spoken since. my other friends have told me that i sounded bitter, and that i should have spoken to her privately instead of confronting her on the call while she was in the middle of celebrating. they have all drunk the julie-koolaid so it didn't faze me that much but a guy i've been seeing told me i did sound confrontational and hostile. he also told me about this site, so i'm here for a judgement. aita? &#x200b; i am editing this to say that while i may have been harsh with how i said what i did and the venue i chose to say it, i still stand by what i said. julie has had all the privilege in life, and she is ungrateful for everything. and that is all i will say. [/INST] yta. frankly you sound jealous and spiteful. you should be happy for your friend that she didn't struggle with fertility or have to incur massive debt to get an education, rather than using it to belittle her professional accomplishments which have literally nothing to do with her uterus. the fact that she was an internal candidate with a recommendation from her boss doesn't mean it's not an accomplishment. it means she's working her way up through the company and proving her value to her boss. stop holding your own perceived failures against her and being hateful about the fact that she has a good life. you're not being kind or supportive or enlightening. you're being bitter, judgmental, and a generally awful friend. </s>
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AITA for adopting a dog with the same name as my daughter?
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my wife and i have two kids, kristopher (9) and sadie (12). for kris' birthday last friday, my wife and i decided to get him a dog, which he has been asking for since he could talk and we feel he's finally responsible enough to walk/feed a dog himself.
my wife and i decided to adopt an older dog, not a puppy, and a medium sized dog, and preferably a girl dog because i've heard they have better temperaments. other than that, it was up to me to pick one at the humane society and when i got there, i immediately fell in love with a sweet 30lb pit mix with beautiful green eyes. when i saw her name was sadie like our daughter, i thought it was a sign that she belonged with our family. my wife thought the coincidence was funny when i told her, too, which is important.
so i arranged the adoption and the shelter agreed we'd pick her up last friday after a birthday dinner for kris. i pretended we were stopping at another place in the plaza and went inside and came out with (dog) sadie. both kids were thrilled but kris was the happiest i'd ever seen him, and everything was perfect until i told them her name. my daughter sadie instantly said it was super embarrassing to have the same name as the dog and immediately insisted that kris change sadie's name. she kept trying to make him promise but she was already spoiling the birthday gift before we even left the parking lot so i told her we'd talk about it later.
well, this week has been hellish. kris is insistent we keep sadie's name because she's 4 years old and has had that name her whole life. he says you wouldn't rename a 4 year old person and i think he has a point. i also think it's cute and funny that they have the same name. my daughter for some reason is mortified by this and won't even interact with me, her brother, or the dog. my wife, who thought it was cute at first, now says she sees sadie's point and thinks we need to change the dog's name. i put my foot down because this is kris' birthday present and his choice.
aita for not wanting to change the dog's name?
| 12,046 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cbqfsi/aita_for_adopting_a_dog_with_the_same_name_as_my/
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2019-07-11 03:03:54
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yta - you’re putting a dogs perceived wants (keeping her name) over your daughters very clear needs (not having the same name as the new family dog).
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yta. that's not just embarrassing, it's demeaning. women are often compared to dogs as an insult. having a dog with the same name as your daughter is just plain wrong.
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yta - by having the same name as a dog you're basically telling your daughter she's no more important to you as the dog is. you need to make sure you're giving your daughter the right message. kris is a little boy and thinks its funny that his sister is now being demeaned in this way. if your daughter sadie feels like its embarrassing you should respect her enough to call the dog something different. she feels like you're giving her the message that she is as important to you as a dog is.
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yta. you should've anticipated this as a parent to be honest. a better solution would have been to come up with a different name for the dog before introducing it to your children.
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yta. change the dog's name. it's not that hard and isnt going to hurt the dog`s feelings. it's a dog. my dog will come when i call the cat. here kitty kitty gets both the attention from the cat and dog.
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this article mentions that it's easy for a dog to learn a new name. https://www.petfinder.com/dogs/bringing-a-dog-home/changing-dog-name/
your daughter has made it clear that she is upset by the naming situation. please respect her feelings. the dog may be confused for days, but your daughter could stay upset and possibly end up not bonding with the dog.
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yta. teaching your son that he can have a dog he loves and a happy sister by simply changing the dog’s name would be the proper thing to do here. you could also give your son a reality check— you can call that pup soupy for a week and she’ll pretty quickly think that’s her name. dogs aren’t attached to names, people are. again, yta.
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yta, you should have realized that this could happen. i mean when the dog has an accident or needs a bath you don’t think hearing “sadie really needs a bath” or “sadie had a accident” might be embarrassing for your daughter. maybe come up with a nickname for the dog. a gift for one kid shouldn’t hurt the other.
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yta. it seems like you don’t want to upset kristopher by changing the dog’s name, but he’ll get over that quicker than sadie having the same name as the dog. just give the dog a new name that starts with an s or something so the dog will recognize it or use a nickname.
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yta. would you like to constantly hear "sit, twosadies!" "wait, twosadies!" "bad girl, twosadies!" (you shouldn't use bad with the name, but i digress). it's maybe funny for ten minutes or an hour. let's say this dog lives 10 more years. you're subjecting your daughter to 10 years of hell where 1. she constantly hears her name with dog commands and 2. she now has a lifetime of knowing her parents care more about a dog (or her brother's comfort) than her. bad idea.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have two kids, kristopher (9) and sadie (12). for kris' birthday last friday, my wife and i decided to get him a dog, which he has been asking for since he could talk and we feel he's finally responsible enough to walk/feed a dog himself. my wife and i decided to adopt an older dog, not a puppy, and a medium sized dog, and preferably a girl dog because i've heard they have better temperaments. other than that, it was up to me to pick one at the humane society and when i got there, i immediately fell in love with a sweet 30lb pit mix with beautiful green eyes. when i saw her name was sadie like our daughter, i thought it was a sign that she belonged with our family. my wife thought the coincidence was funny when i told her, too, which is important. so i arranged the adoption and the shelter agreed we'd pick her up last friday after a birthday dinner for kris. i pretended we were stopping at another place in the plaza and went inside and came out with (dog) sadie. both kids were thrilled but kris was the happiest i'd ever seen him, and everything was perfect until i told them her name. my daughter sadie instantly said it was super embarrassing to have the same name as the dog and immediately insisted that kris change sadie's name. she kept trying to make him promise but she was already spoiling the birthday gift before we even left the parking lot so i told her we'd talk about it later. well, this week has been hellish. kris is insistent we keep sadie's name because she's 4 years old and has had that name her whole life. he says you wouldn't rename a 4 year old person and i think he has a point. i also think it's cute and funny that they have the same name. my daughter for some reason is mortified by this and won't even interact with me, her brother, or the dog. my wife, who thought it was cute at first, now says she sees sadie's point and thinks we need to change the dog's name. i put my foot down because this is kris' birthday present and his choice. aita for not wanting to change the dog's name?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have two kids, kristopher (9) and sadie (12). for kris' birthday last friday, my wife and i decided to get him a dog, which he has been asking for since he could talk and we feel he's finally responsible enough to walk/feed a dog himself. my wife and i decided to adopt an older dog, not a puppy, and a medium sized dog, and preferably a girl dog because i've heard they have better temperaments. other than that, it was up to me to pick one at the humane society and when i got there, i immediately fell in love with a sweet 30lb pit mix with beautiful green eyes. when i saw her name was sadie like our daughter, i thought it was a sign that she belonged with our family. my wife thought the coincidence was funny when i told her, too, which is important. so i arranged the adoption and the shelter agreed we'd pick her up last friday after a birthday dinner for kris. i pretended we were stopping at another place in the plaza and went inside and came out with (dog) sadie. both kids were thrilled but kris was the happiest i'd ever seen him, and everything was perfect until i told them her name. my daughter sadie instantly said it was super embarrassing to have the same name as the dog and immediately insisted that kris change sadie's name. she kept trying to make him promise but she was already spoiling the birthday gift before we even left the parking lot so i told her we'd talk about it later. well, this week has been hellish. kris is insistent we keep sadie's name because she's 4 years old and has had that name her whole life. he says you wouldn't rename a 4 year old person and i think he has a point. i also think it's cute and funny that they have the same name. my daughter for some reason is mortified by this and won't even interact with me, her brother, or the dog. my wife, who thought it was cute at first, now says she sees sadie's point and thinks we need to change the dog's name. i put my foot down because this is kris' birthday present and his choice. aita for not wanting to change the dog's name? [/INST] yta - you’re putting a dogs perceived wants (keeping her name) over your daughters very clear needs (not having the same name as the new family dog). </s>
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AITA for telling my friend she can’t be a Virgin?
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i’m unsure if this is rude and/or ridiculous, so reddit can be the judge.
my friend, l, very adamant about saving herself until marriage. (we are both 21f.) it wasn’t even just for her, she would shame and side eye people who weren’t married and sleeping together, even one of our mutual friends. she wholeheartedly believed that was a sin, as she was very religious.
however, she got boyfriend, and they ended up sleeping together, told me that herself. (
| 18,153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwkh8r/aita_for_telling_my_friend_she_cant_be_a_virgin/
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2020-07-23 17:57:38
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nta and she is a hypocrite. how does she think she can have sex and still be a virgin?
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nta. funny how religious people always think they're the exception to any hypocrisy committed by themselves.
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nta.
she is the ah for shaming people who aren't virgins... she is also stupid.
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nta but don’t stoop to her level and sex shame her. if she continues to sex shame people feel free to keep saying “hey that’s hypocritical and women arent value defined by their sex lives”
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info: how did she respond when you called her out? i'm really curious to see how she rationalized that one...
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nta. she seems a bit... out of touch with reality. so wait, why are you friends?
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nta, in my opinion. she's bashing people who aren't virgins before marriage, but had sex with her previous bf. it's not like she can just re-become a virgin or act like she still is.
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nta. sounds like she's either in denial, is a hypocrite, or they didn't have vaginal intercourse and she's embarrassed to tell you.
but no, you're never a the asshole for calling people out on their bs, in my opinion.
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holy fuck lol
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nta but this poor girl is absolutely brainwashed and maybe should speak to sex positive members of the church. they might be the only people able to get through to her. she can totally "save herself until marriage" if she wants, but it's never okay to put your sexual preferences on other people and demand they be the same, that's just ludicrous. how does she feel about men who "sleep around "
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m unsure if this is rude and/or ridiculous, so reddit can be the judge. my friend, l, very adamant about saving herself until marriage. (we are both 21f.) it wasn’t even just for her, she would shame and side eye people who weren’t married and sleeping together, even one of our mutual friends. she wholeheartedly believed that was a sin, as she was very religious. however, she got boyfriend, and they ended up sleeping together, told me that herself. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m unsure if this is rude and/or ridiculous, so reddit can be the judge. my friend, l, very adamant about saving herself until marriage. (we are both 21f.) it wasn’t even just for her, she would shame and side eye people who weren’t married and sleeping together, even one of our mutual friends. she wholeheartedly believed that was a sin, as she was very religious. however, she got boyfriend, and they ended up sleeping together, told me that herself. ( [/INST] nta and she is a hypocrite. how does she think she can have sex and still be a virgin? </s>
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AITA for agreeing with my daughter that I didnt like her name?
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mildred.
that's my 6 year old daughter's name. i fought so hard to not have her named that, but my wife was dead set on it. who even names their kid mildred anymore? are we in the 19th century or something? and plus i know how kids are. sure enough, i picked up my daughter from school today and usually she's excited when i pick her up, but she was quiet. i kept asking her what was wrong and when we were almost home, she finally confessed and said that someone in her class had said that her name "sounded like a grandma." basically, old.
she said she didn't like her name anymore, and i tried to sympathize by saying, "i'm sorry kiddo. yeah, i never liked your name either. i thought it was a stupid name when i first heard it, but everyone in the family thought it was okay, and i got shot down. but on the bright side, you can change it when you get older."
we were in the garage by then and she looked at me in horror and said, "you don't like my name either?" and she opened the door, crying, and ran inside before i could catch her. she told her mother that i said her name was stupid (somehow she also forgot to mention the kid in her class who started it) and even after i explained the whole situation to my wife, she was mad and wanted me to apologize.
i refused. i said, "apologize for what? i don't like the name, i never liked the name, and our daughter doesn't even like the name." i was mad at the moment, too, so i walked away but later i tried to talk to our daughter and ask why she just started crying like that because i was genuinely confused (still am, to be honest) but all she said was that she wasn't "happy at me" and that she didn't want to talk to me right at the moment.
i'm not too worried about my daughter because she's 6, so she'll probably forget it by tomorrow or like a week at most, but my wife is really mad at me right now because she was telling me that i should apologize tomorrow, and i kept saying no. i think she just feels guilty that she named our daughter mildred, but i'm curious if i'm ta here.
all i did was agree with my daughter when she said she didn't like her name. i still want an explanation why she just started crying like that.
| 7,436 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qi3ndo/aita_for_agreeing_with_my_daughter_that_i_didnt/
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2021-10-29 03:27:41
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yta
"i still want an explanation why she just started crying like that."
explanation: because she is 6 years old, was bullied for her name (something she didn't choose) and needed to be consoled. you failed.
please read a parenting book. also, consider couples therapy if you and your wife cannot compromise on something a big as naming your child.
for what it's worth: you don't have to like the name mildred. but as a parent you should learn how to better love and care for your daughter, whose name is mildred.
also, if this becomes an issue when she gets older and she pushes for a name change, let her go by her middle name or millie.
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uh, yeah… your daughter is going to remember this even if she’s 6. jeez you really are a huge ah.
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yta a huge one.
you just sided with an elementary school bully, congratulations.
so when the kid comes up to you in 4 years and says "i don't like my face" because some kid made fun of their freckles are you making fun of that too?
your job is to tell her that her name is beautiful, even if you hate it. that's your job. which you have epically failed.
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oh...
"i'm not too worried about my daughter because she's 6, so she'll probably forget it by tomorrow or like a week at most"
no, no, no, no, no... "daddy thinks my name is ugly" is the kind of shit that sticks with the kid. "kids don't remember" is bs, kids remember and take it into their adult lives and anxiety attacks over it.
yta big time.
how can you not realize that "thinks my name is ugly" gets kinda liked to "thinks i am ugly" or "loves me less because he let me have a ugly name" in the child's mind? how oblivious can you be?
you better work on your emotional maturity, emotional inteligente, ability to read the room and empathy.
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yta. you made a six year old cry and you weren’t sorry.
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she's 6. the last thing she needed to hear is that her parent doesn't like her name. a 6 year old is not equipped to separate rejecting her name from rejecting her.
and that's why yta.
sure, she can change it when she's older, but wtf were you thinking?
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yta. your daughter is 6. you should be helping explain her emotions to her, not the other way around. you literally have less emotional intelligence than a six year old. you should be ashamed of yourself.
to insist, after being told dozens of times that you were wrong and owe your daughter an apology, that you actually won't apologize unless your daughter continues to be emotionally braver than you and continues to directly confront and explain to her own authority figure why your bullying makes her feel bad? you should be so embarrassed.
she's going to remember the time she went to her father for comfort and that he shit on her instead for a long time.
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are you for real? after 6 years of associating the name mildred with your daughter you’re still fine calling mildred “a stupid name”? yta
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yta
your young daughter now thinks that her dad hates her name and thinks it’s stupid.
she shouldn’t feel that way as a child… ever.
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yta. siding with your daughter's bully is not cool.
as a note, your note that she's apparently going to forget this in a week raises all sorts of red flags. six year olds do, in fact, have memories, and shit like this tends to leave lasting impressions. you might want to stop thinking that your daughter is just going to immediately forget every time you do something that's not cool.
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: mildred. that's my 6 year old daughter's name. i fought so hard to not have her named that, but my wife was dead set on it. who even names their kid mildred anymore? are we in the 19th century or something? and plus i know how kids are. sure enough, i picked up my daughter from school today and usually she's excited when i pick her up, but she was quiet. i kept asking her what was wrong and when we were almost home, she finally confessed and said that someone in her class had said that her name "sounded like a grandma." basically, old. she said she didn't like her name anymore, and i tried to sympathize by saying, "i'm sorry kiddo. yeah, i never liked your name either. i thought it was a stupid name when i first heard it, but everyone in the family thought it was okay, and i got shot down. but on the bright side, you can change it when you get older." we were in the garage by then and she looked at me in horror and said, "you don't like my name either?" and she opened the door, crying, and ran inside before i could catch her. she told her mother that i said her name was stupid (somehow she also forgot to mention the kid in her class who started it) and even after i explained the whole situation to my wife, she was mad and wanted me to apologize. i refused. i said, "apologize for what? i don't like the name, i never liked the name, and our daughter doesn't even like the name." i was mad at the moment, too, so i walked away but later i tried to talk to our daughter and ask why she just started crying like that because i was genuinely confused (still am, to be honest) but all she said was that she wasn't "happy at me" and that she didn't want to talk to me right at the moment. i'm not too worried about my daughter because she's 6, so she'll probably forget it by tomorrow or like a week at most, but my wife is really mad at me right now because she was telling me that i should apologize tomorrow, and i kept saying no. i think she just feels guilty that she named our daughter mildred, but i'm curious if i'm ta here. all i did was agree with my daughter when she said she didn't like her name. i still want an explanation why she just started crying like that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
mildred. that's my 6 year old daughter's name. i fought so hard to not have her named that, but my wife was dead set on it. who even names their kid mildred anymore? are we in the 19th century or something? and plus i know how kids are. sure enough, i picked up my daughter from school today and usually she's excited when i pick her up, but she was quiet. i kept asking her what was wrong and when we were almost home, she finally confessed and said that someone in her class had said that her name "sounded like a grandma." basically, old. she said she didn't like her name anymore, and i tried to sympathize by saying, "i'm sorry kiddo. yeah, i never liked your name either. i thought it was a stupid name when i first heard it, but everyone in the family thought it was okay, and i got shot down. but on the bright side, you can change it when you get older." we were in the garage by then and she looked at me in horror and said, "you don't like my name either?" and she opened the door, crying, and ran inside before i could catch her. she told her mother that i said her name was stupid (somehow she also forgot to mention the kid in her class who started it) and even after i explained the whole situation to my wife, she was mad and wanted me to apologize. i refused. i said, "apologize for what? i don't like the name, i never liked the name, and our daughter doesn't even like the name." i was mad at the moment, too, so i walked away but later i tried to talk to our daughter and ask why she just started crying like that because i was genuinely confused (still am, to be honest) but all she said was that she wasn't "happy at me" and that she didn't want to talk to me right at the moment. i'm not too worried about my daughter because she's 6, so she'll probably forget it by tomorrow or like a week at most, but my wife is really mad at me right now because she was telling me that i should apologize tomorrow, and i kept saying no. i think she just feels guilty that she named our daughter mildred, but i'm curious if i'm ta here. all i did was agree with my daughter when she said she didn't like her name. i still want an explanation why she just started crying like that. [/INST] yta "i still want an explanation why she just started crying like that." explanation: because she is 6 years old, was bullied for her name (something she didn't choose) and needed to be consoled. you failed. please read a parenting book. also, consider couples therapy if you and your wife cannot compromise on something a big as naming your child. for what it's worth: you don't have to like the name mildred. but as a parent you should learn how to better love and care for your daughter, whose name is mildred. also, if this becomes an issue when she gets older and she pushes for a name change, let her go by her middle name or millie. </s>
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AITA? Husband threw a BBQ party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.
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disclaimer: we are all vaccinated.
so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me.
he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it.
spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages.
he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (
| 27,286 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/my5x2a/aita_husband_threw_a_bbq_party_for_his_friends_i/
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2021-04-25 10:52:32
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nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror.
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nta. is he always this entitled? rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve.
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nta. i love this kind of take a stand thing. you are not a assistant/slave/maid/cleaner. its gonna be while before your husband will do another bbq. not until he learn how much job it take to organise a proper bbq party.
you stand on your ground sister !
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nta. why he'd think you'd want to waitress for free at his guys night is a mystery. hopefully he'll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. i'd also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual that most of the guests probably had no idea.
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i think [this meme](https://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/bbq-rules/) i saw recently is applicable to this situation. you’re not alone, op - keep up your strike!
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nta! it's his party, his friends, his responsibility. how does he live in the house and not know where cups and plates are? and he has some nerve to say he's disappointed that you didn't pull your weight.
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nta - and this is a hill to die on. mostly because my husband is not an asshole and would not do this to me so it seems hilarious to me that yours thinks this type of behaviour (treating your spouse like a party planner without so much as a *by your leave*) is acceptable.
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info: do you ever get to invite your friends over? is your husband expected to "pull his weight" when your friends are over?
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[deleted]
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nta. sounds like he's been taking you for granted for a while. once he's cooled off i would personally have a calm sit down discussion about why this happened (he dropped this on you and expected you to do stuff without him asking, he doesnt notice or appreciate what you do, if he wants a bbq to be a team event he needs to ask not tell and pull his own weight on the supporting elements etc etc) and hopefully this will go some way towards changing things.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer: we are all vaccinated. so, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: his friends. i am not close with them) for barbecue parties. he prides himself on his bbq skills. the thing is... i always end up doing everything! he buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his bbq skills). i have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). i prepare the sides and veggies, i refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since i find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. it’s just nonstop work for me. he just told me last week that he invited his friends for saturday (so yesterday). just announced it, didn’t ask me. i said well okay, do i know anyone? nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. my husband called it a “guys’ night”. i said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, i will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. he said he will handle it. spoiler alert, he did not handle it. he got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and i was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, i just do stuff...) so i didn’t do anything. the patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. his friends arrived, i welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. cue the messages. he started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer - did i not buy it? where are the sides? i just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. ( [/INST] nta. in fact, you’re so not the asshole that you are my hero. your husband can kick rocks. if he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror. </s>
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AITA for suggesting my step-daughter is overreacting over her milk?
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my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies.
now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to.
my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita?
| 6,948 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xjopa7/aita_for_suggesting_my_stepdaughter_is/
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2022-09-20 23:52:54
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yta.
hannah is inconsiderate regarding sasha’s milk. she’s drinking too much too often. you need to put your foot down. hannah can bring her own milk if she wants it, or drink something else.
guests lose their special privileges when they’re there 3-4 days per week and inconveniencing the people who actually live there to this degree.
you could also stay on top of the milk situation better and solve the problem yourself by buying an appropriate amount for both girls!
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yta. sasha has a health condition that requires a certain type of milk and you keep letting your son's gf steal it when it's entirely unnecessary. it seems like you and your son's gf have decided to systematically bully your wife's daughter. none of your behavior is acceptable and it boggles the mind that you guys can't just buy double the amount of lactose free milk if hannah is so obsessed with drinking it.
>i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
except you don't. you let your kid steal the other kid's milk and then call her a brat instead.
yta.
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yta
> i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
the problem is that *you weren't* buying more. sasha and her mom were proactively trying to solve the issue by suggesting getting more, or protecting her special supply. but you can't let her have her one special thing.
you're the one who cultivated the scarcity mentality in her. she wouldn't care if she had to share if it didn't mean she sometimes had to go without.
why not get a gallon? why not get two gallons?
>sasha's milk is quite expensive
so why let hannah drink it all?
>hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk
so you mind getting expensive milk for sasha but not for hannah? throughout this post you're communicating that hannah, who isn't part of the family, is more important to you than sasha is. regardless of whether you mean this, that's the message you are sending.
final point:
>sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes
there's a lot of gross lactose free milks. acting as if it's an equivalence is like serving beef hotdogs for dinner and calling it steak because they're both made of cow.
is giving away your step daughters stuff to your son's girlfriend really the hill you're going to die on?
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yta. sasha lives at your house, even if it is part-time. hannah doesn’t. either buy hannah her own milk, or stop trying to police how sasha protects her supply.
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yta.
why haven't you asked hannah to buy some milk? why have you only told sasha to buy her own? hannah is basically a roommate who contributes nothing at this point while this is actually sasha's home.
your wife made a decision for her child and you undermined her and created an issue between her and her ex.
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yta. congratulations, you created drama and resentment in the household for no reason.
sasha is your stepdaughter. it's not her fault her parents made a mess of their marriage and now she is forced to move houses every two weeks. her mother and her father are happy for her to have the milk she can drink and that she likes. you are the only person who has a problem with it., and your son is letting his girlfriend take what doesn't belong to her.
sasha is 16. she shouldn't have to go to the store and buy supplies for being at your house. it's bad enough she even has to move there. you should have what she needs. why is no one telling your son's girlfriend to stop drinking all the milk? or buying more?
her mother proposed a solution--keeping a fridge in her room. you're right that that's disrespectful. but it's disrespectful to sasha. she shouldn't need a fridge of her own to ensure people don't take her food and drink in her own home. yet you are being difficult about the fridge.
what you want here is for your stepdaughter to feel uncomfortable and not have what she wants. for some reason, your wife won't stand up to you. sasha is clearly a smart girl, because she is refusing to participate in your nasty power games and has simply asked her own father to bring what she needs.
you should feel embarrassed. you're creating problems between your wife and her daughter. i wouldn't be surprised if sasha went to live with her father full-time. you may think you've won but you're only going to hurt your marriage.
yes, it's obvious you think sasha is a brat. you don't like her. you're deliberately trying to deprive her of something as basic as milk. that poor kid should not have to live with you at all.
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so your son's moochy gf is more important than the stepdaughter who lives there? you see how you are being biased?
you deserve all the shame. let her have her fridge so your son's moochy gf can stop drinking all of her milk. thank goodness she has a great dad. her stepfather clearly hates her.
yta
her mother, your wife, should also consider a marriage to you, because you don't care about her kid, and that's not a good environment to raise her kid in.
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yta. it’s not just milk it’s lactose free milk big difference. have you tried any? i have 2 kids that are lactose intolerant and i tried their milk to figure out what the differences are and there’s a wide range. some are way to sweet, some taste chalky, and some tastes great and work well when cooking with them if a recipe requires it. they like a certain kind, so i buy that kind. why make them suffer?
you complain that it’s expensive, then you say oh it’s just milk, then you say she can buy her own, then mom buys her a mini fridge, but then you guys insist she shares with girlfriend. so problem didn’t get solved there. so she went to her dad for a solution and said you don’t have to worry about buying her milk anymore because her dad will take care of it and now you think she’s a brat. poor girl can’t win with you.
are you like this with everyone who has a food allergy or just her?
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yta. how were you able to spell out all those words but couldn’t figure out how to just type “aita for liking my son’s girlfriend more than my stepdaughter?”
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yta.
and you know what, good for her dad.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies. now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more. this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to. my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies. now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more. this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to. my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita? [/INST] yta. hannah is inconsiderate regarding sasha’s milk. she’s drinking too much too often. you need to put your foot down. hannah can bring her own milk if she wants it, or drink something else. guests lose their special privileges when they’re there 3-4 days per week and inconveniencing the people who actually live there to this degree. you could also stay on top of the milk situation better and solve the problem yourself by buying an appropriate amount for both girls! </s>
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AITA for being honest about how I was bullied and how the teachers at my school did nothing about it while being interviewed by a current student?
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i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me.
i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?”
i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.”
so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents.
i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week.
she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community.
a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong?
finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed.
it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita?
**
| 31,227 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lb4bjq/aita_for_being_honest_about_how_i_was_bullied_and/
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2021-02-02 19:37:07
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nta.
> trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people
you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people.
> i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members
those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations.
it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable.
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nta. dude. i have *dreams* about getting mildly famous and doing an interview revealing all the ways my school was a cesspit of shit.
*you just lived my dream op*. nta nta nta!
honestly the women does not deserve an award if she bullies students.
and the school should have reached out to you, apologized, and asked what they can do better. their whole attitude shows they are *still* a terrible school!
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nta
you told the truth. people got things taken away from them and got a bad reputation for their actions. you didn’t make them act that way.
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you are soooo nta. the school is upset because the truth makes them look bad?!? think about that. the truth makes the school look bad.
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nta. funny how the burden is supposed to be on *you*, the former student, to protect all these upstanding, experienced pillars of the community, and not on them to explain themselves. which clearly they can't, or the one who made fun of your name wouldn't have had her award yanked purely on your say-so.
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nta. if the school’s response to this is to attempt to guilt and gaslight you into backing off, instead of at least apologizing for what happened to you, then they absolutely deserve to have their reputation ruined. and if that teacher lost a lifetime teaching award over it, i’m wondering if your story caused other students to come forward with stories of being bullied by her.
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nta. a quote i found a few years ago- “ you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
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nta - you told the truth, and unfortunately i'm guessing that these teachers and students who made your life hell never learnt that actions have consequences.
well, now they know.
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do you have a link to this interview? i vote we make it go viral. oh nta. but let's be real, you knew that already. you were not out of line at all.
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nta “maybe you remember it wrong” is a term often used towards victims when they in fact do not remember it wrong. the teachers were a piece of sh/ and finally got their bs called out. awwww poor teachers they finally got their bullying called out, awww- cry me a river and build a bridge.
“get over it” you can still tell the story and still be over it. the interviewer asked you about school, were you supposed to lie and paint the school as a beautiful place when it, in reality condones bullying from both students and faculty?? nta it’s about time they got their sh/ called out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m an author of mild success. i’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. about 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. i responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but i would give the student responses relating to my career. we had a great chat. she started asking questions about my time at the school, but i redirected. she caught on to what i was doing and asked “i’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). is that true?” i said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “actually this could be a better story.” so i said y’know what, sure. whatever. i don’t owe the school anything, i’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and i’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. i mentioned a few names in specific, and how i’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. i mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way i dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. i brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when i broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “moolly” for the rest of the year and when i yelled “my name is molly. *molly”* she had me suspended for a week. she ended up publishing the whole interview. nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on fb with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. a few weeks later, i was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. the teacher responsible for the “moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did i remember things wrong? finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and i was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was x years ago so why can’t i just get over it, etc. some of them obviously haven’t changed. it was a long time ago, yes. i don’t know how i really feel about how this all went down though. i know times are tough for teachers right now. i didn’t set out to hurt anyone, i was just telling my truth. aita? ** [/INST] nta. > trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people you weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people. > i’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations. it's not your fault they're finally being held accountable. </s>
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AITA for selling my brother's Pokemon cards and refusing to pay him back?
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my brother (m22) and i (m19) have always been avid pokémon fans since childhood. over a decade, we've probably amassed an estimated thousand cards.
recently, my brother began moving out of the house. in the process of helping him, i happened to stumble across his deck of pokémon cards and began shuffling through them.
now, given recent piqued interest around these cards, i knew there was potential for genuine value. while peeping around, i happened to stumble across a few recognisably rare cards in pretty good condition (i'd say around ex-5, 'excellent condition' according to psa standards)
i got the cards appraised the next day, and their value was estimated at around 4.3 thousand all together. i ended up selling them for a higher price through a private, organised sale with a collector.
i eagerly told my brother about the earnings, but he become infuriated.
he says i'm the asshole for refusing to give him the full values worth of the cards. i told him without me they never would've even seen the light of day. i tried negotiating giving him a cut of the profits but he refused to even consider it.
now for the past few days, he's been sulking around the house, refusing to even acknowledge my presence. it's bad timing, my brother is leaving in a few days and i don't want to end on bad terms with him.
so, am i the asshole?
**key details : me and my brother are extremely close. it is likely that those cards are both a combination of mine and his. i only request a cut of the payment as i'm the one who put in the effort to find the cards and appraise them.**
| 8,981 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wkwmxl/aita_for_selling_my_brothers_pokemon_cards_and/
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2022-08-10 12:50:56
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yta, and a criminal. all of the money is his. what you're doing is theft.
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yta.
you can't sell other peoples belongings (especially without their consent), making a profit and not giving them the money for their stuff.
either you give him the full money, get the cards back, or you accept being an ah having messed up the relationship with your brother because you're a thief.
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> in the process of helping him, i happened to stumble across his deck of pokémon cards and began shuffling through them.
>
>his deck of pokémon cards
>
>**his**
yta.
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[removed]
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yta. they were his, not yours. you're a thief.
>recently, my brother began moving out of the house. in the process of helping him, i happened to stumble across his deck of pokémon cards and began shuffling through them.
as one does, if one has no respect for the personal property of others. you got your greasy fingerprints all over them. i can understand opening a box to see what was inside, but why would you then rifle through all the cards?
>now, given recent piqued interest around these cards, i knew there was potential for genuine value. while peeping around, i happened to stumble across a few recognisably rare cards in pretty good condition
instead of telling him about the cards, your mind immediately turned to personally profiting from his possessions.
>i got the cards appraised the next day, and their value was estimated at around 4.3 thousand all together. i ended up selling them for a higher price through a private, organised sale with a collector.
at no point did you think that perhaps you ought to tell your brother about your plan to sell his things before executing it.
>i eagerly told my brother about the earnings, but he become infuriated.
well, yes. "yo bro, i sold some of your stuff, look at all the money i made! here, you can have a bit of it!"
>he says i'm the asshole for refusing to give him the full values worth of the cards.
he is correct.
>i told him without me they never would've even seen the light of day.
so what? they **weren't your cards**. you didn't even know whether he'd forgotten about them, because you never asked him.
>i tried negotiating giving him a cut of the profits but he refused to even consider it.
how generous of you, offering him a portion of the profits from the goods you stole from him and then fenced. at the very least he deserves the entire sum, and you should additionally pay him compensation.
>it's bad timing, my brother is leaving in a few days and i don't want to end on bad terms with him.
yes, if only you'd stolen from him a few months ago instead. that would have been so much better.
>so, am i the asshole?
it's worse than that, you're a thief. why should anybody trust you around their possessions again?
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info: why did you take it on yourself to sell his belongings? did he even want to get rid of them?
if you didn't discuss ahead of time that the cards were to be sold for an x/y split of the earnings, you basically stole your brother's stuff so you could make a profit (*hard* yta) and by all accounts every single cent of the transaction should go to him.
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lol of course yta, you (a) sold something that doesn't belong to you without permission and then (b) tried to keep a cut of the earnings. who does that??
get the cards back and return the money if you still can, it's the right thing to do. you owe your bro a major apology.
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yta. so much that this is one of the easiest votes i've ever seen. you sold his cards. his. without telling him or asking him. now he's out his cards and all the money. forum rules prevent me from telling you what i really think tbh. mtg collector here and if that happened i'd be furious. i've lost part of a collection and that hurt. then to have a family member sell it without giving me the money?
if he offers you money, you'd be greedy to want anything over 10%. that's a standard "finders fee" and you did this without asking.
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give him the money you asshole
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yta- you stole your brother's cards and sold them. you said they were his deck of cards. if you want to get money for valuable cards, sell your own. your argument that they wouldn't have seen the light of day is bs and you know it. give your brother the money from the cards you stole from him and do better as a human being in the future.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (m22) and i (m19) have always been avid pokémon fans since childhood. over a decade, we've probably amassed an estimated thousand cards. recently, my brother began moving out of the house. in the process of helping him, i happened to stumble across his deck of pokémon cards and began shuffling through them. now, given recent piqued interest around these cards, i knew there was potential for genuine value. while peeping around, i happened to stumble across a few recognisably rare cards in pretty good condition (i'd say around ex-5, 'excellent condition' according to psa standards) i got the cards appraised the next day, and their value was estimated at around 4.3 thousand all together. i ended up selling them for a higher price through a private, organised sale with a collector. i eagerly told my brother about the earnings, but he become infuriated. he says i'm the asshole for refusing to give him the full values worth of the cards. i told him without me they never would've even seen the light of day. i tried negotiating giving him a cut of the profits but he refused to even consider it. now for the past few days, he's been sulking around the house, refusing to even acknowledge my presence. it's bad timing, my brother is leaving in a few days and i don't want to end on bad terms with him. so, am i the asshole? **key details : me and my brother are extremely close. it is likely that those cards are both a combination of mine and his. i only request a cut of the payment as i'm the one who put in the effort to find the cards and appraise them.**
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (m22) and i (m19) have always been avid pokémon fans since childhood. over a decade, we've probably amassed an estimated thousand cards. recently, my brother began moving out of the house. in the process of helping him, i happened to stumble across his deck of pokémon cards and began shuffling through them. now, given recent piqued interest around these cards, i knew there was potential for genuine value. while peeping around, i happened to stumble across a few recognisably rare cards in pretty good condition (i'd say around ex-5, 'excellent condition' according to psa standards) i got the cards appraised the next day, and their value was estimated at around 4.3 thousand all together. i ended up selling them for a higher price through a private, organised sale with a collector. i eagerly told my brother about the earnings, but he become infuriated. he says i'm the asshole for refusing to give him the full values worth of the cards. i told him without me they never would've even seen the light of day. i tried negotiating giving him a cut of the profits but he refused to even consider it. now for the past few days, he's been sulking around the house, refusing to even acknowledge my presence. it's bad timing, my brother is leaving in a few days and i don't want to end on bad terms with him. so, am i the asshole? **key details : me and my brother are extremely close. it is likely that those cards are both a combination of mine and his. i only request a cut of the payment as i'm the one who put in the effort to find the cards and appraise them.** [/INST] yta, and a criminal. all of the money is his. what you're doing is theft. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my stepfather when he suggested that he could walk me down the aisle?
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so, two weeks ago, i (25f) got married to my husband (26m). when i was six years old, my mom and dad got divorced and, three years later, my mom met and married fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life, and fred's kids (20m), (18f) and (16m) are basically my siblings.
on last minute, my bio-dad decided he didn't want to come to my wedding and walk me down the aisle. i got the call while i was getting my makeup done and i was devastated, needless to say. fred was in the room with me and he started comforting me, telling me it would all be okay, and he said "if you want, i can walk you down."
that just rubbed me wrong and i was already a mess emotionally. fred knew how much i wanted my bio-dad to walk me down the aisle, and he just suggested it like it didn't matter at all, like i hadn't just gotten my heart broken, and i just snapped and told him he was selfish and told him to get out. fred left and one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle.
my mom only heard about mine and fred's fight after the wedding, and she is now pissed off at me, telling me that i overreacted and that i needed to apologize to fred even though i was just frustrated and he had suggested something totally out of the leftfield. my mom told me that i was the selfish one apparently and apparently i'm ungrateful.
but i feel like his suggestion was completely wrong and that i don't need to apologize, but i don't want to make things worse by not apologizing if i did do something wrong. so, aita?
| 15,447 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oh9j3b/aita_for_yelling_at_my_stepfather_when_he/
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2021-07-10 01:48:36
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yta. you just said 1) your bio dad wasn’t involved in your life, 2) your stepdad was your dad growing up, and 3) your stepdad didn’t impose himself at all until your bio dad flat out rejected your request.
your stepdad was trying to be supportive, and you rejected him. if he hadn’t offered, would you have been happier? stop projecting your anger at your bio dad at your stepdad.
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yta. he was being nice and trying to help you. by your own admission your bio dad wasn't really in your life. the fuck made you think he would suddenly step up?
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[removed]
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yta like a lot. your dads a deadbeat and all your stepdad said was i can walk you down the aisle if you want and you jumped down his throat. stepdad should really cut his losses with you.
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yta huuuuuugely
the man who raised you as his child, who was there when your biological dad wasn't, was trying to comfort you by offering to help. you threw it back in his face and also made it clearer than ever that you care less about him than the man who not only walked out on you as a child, but then didn't even show up to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.
poor fred.
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yes, yta.
>fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life,
yet you wanted the man who wasn't part of your life to walk you down the aisle 🙄🙄. why? why would you want to give that honor to a person who wasn't part of your life rather than the one who was??
>one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle.
>my mom told me that i was the selfish one apparently and apparently i'm ungrateful.
your mom is 1000% right. you owe fred a heartfelt apology. he has been your father forever, and you were a brat and hurt him deeply.
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yta yta yta let’s rephrase your story: my surrogate dad; the man who actually raised me on a day to day basis. who showed up to my wedding and was supporting me to the point he was in the room when i found out my bio-dad had let me down again. when he saw me devastated he stepped in with a possible solution maybe i can walk you down the aisle. (this man who has looked at you, someone not biologically his, and loved and supported you regardless who would have loved to walk you down the aisle, because he is proud of you and wants the best for you). and because you were emotional you told this man that he was being “selfish” and to get out. and instead of the man who raised you you managed to wrangle up an uncle last minute..
like i’m pissed and sad for fred and i don’t even know you all. go apologize! apologize hard girl he may not have said it but i can pretty much guarantee you broke a mans heart on your wedding day for trying to be there for you.
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so you say that your bio-dad hasn’t been in your life much but fred has been a surrogate dad to you. and his kids are like your own siblings. then your bio-dad bails on you at the very last second and fred, seeing how upset you are, offers to take you down the aisle. and you yell at him???? yeah, yta. you owe fred a huge apology. you were taking your anger out on the wrong man.
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yta.
“he just suggested it like it didn’t matter at all”
he suggested because he knew it did matter to you to have someone walk you down the aisle. he was trying to ensure that something that you consider to be an important part of wedding tradition still happened after your dad flaked. he probably knew brides get stressed when stuff goes wrong the day of the wedding. literally all you had to do was say thank you... even if you were “just frustrated,” it doesn’t make it okay to take it out on someone innocent. you treated him very badly.
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your stepfather was there for you all your life and you get pissed at him for saying he would walk you down the isle after your bio-dad who has never been there bails on you?
you should be thankful to have someone that caring in your life. he didn’t need to step in, but he did. your stepfather should have been your first choice in the first place.
you’re lucky he even offered. being second fiddle is definitely a slap in the face to the man that helped raise you. yta.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, two weeks ago, i (25f) got married to my husband (26m). when i was six years old, my mom and dad got divorced and, three years later, my mom met and married fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life, and fred's kids (20m), (18f) and (16m) are basically my siblings. on last minute, my bio-dad decided he didn't want to come to my wedding and walk me down the aisle. i got the call while i was getting my makeup done and i was devastated, needless to say. fred was in the room with me and he started comforting me, telling me it would all be okay, and he said "if you want, i can walk you down." that just rubbed me wrong and i was already a mess emotionally. fred knew how much i wanted my bio-dad to walk me down the aisle, and he just suggested it like it didn't matter at all, like i hadn't just gotten my heart broken, and i just snapped and told him he was selfish and told him to get out. fred left and one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle. my mom only heard about mine and fred's fight after the wedding, and she is now pissed off at me, telling me that i overreacted and that i needed to apologize to fred even though i was just frustrated and he had suggested something totally out of the leftfield. my mom told me that i was the selfish one apparently and apparently i'm ungrateful. but i feel like his suggestion was completely wrong and that i don't need to apologize, but i don't want to make things worse by not apologizing if i did do something wrong. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, two weeks ago, i (25f) got married to my husband (26m). when i was six years old, my mom and dad got divorced and, three years later, my mom met and married fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life, and fred's kids (20m), (18f) and (16m) are basically my siblings. on last minute, my bio-dad decided he didn't want to come to my wedding and walk me down the aisle. i got the call while i was getting my makeup done and i was devastated, needless to say. fred was in the room with me and he started comforting me, telling me it would all be okay, and he said "if you want, i can walk you down." that just rubbed me wrong and i was already a mess emotionally. fred knew how much i wanted my bio-dad to walk me down the aisle, and he just suggested it like it didn't matter at all, like i hadn't just gotten my heart broken, and i just snapped and told him he was selfish and told him to get out. fred left and one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle. my mom only heard about mine and fred's fight after the wedding, and she is now pissed off at me, telling me that i overreacted and that i needed to apologize to fred even though i was just frustrated and he had suggested something totally out of the leftfield. my mom told me that i was the selfish one apparently and apparently i'm ungrateful. but i feel like his suggestion was completely wrong and that i don't need to apologize, but i don't want to make things worse by not apologizing if i did do something wrong. so, aita? [/INST] yta. you just said 1) your bio dad wasn’t involved in your life, 2) your stepdad was your dad growing up, and 3) your stepdad didn’t impose himself at all until your bio dad flat out rejected your request. your stepdad was trying to be supportive, and you rejected him. if he hadn’t offered, would you have been happier? stop projecting your anger at your bio dad at your stepdad. </s>
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AITA for expecting my step-daughter to cover the costs of items broken under her care?
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my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care.
i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed.
ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy.
am i being unfair here? aita?
**
| 7,792 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ow0uf2/aita_for_expecting_my_stepdaughter_to_cover_the/
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2021-08-01 21:32:54
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yta. if you don't like the way she babysits your daughter then parent your own child.
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yta. you lost me at “actual daughter.”
how about you hire a babysitter instead of forcing your stepdaughter to take care of your actual daughter so you can go out.
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[deleted]
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yta. if it was expensive and fragile, then it should have never been in a place where it would be subject to willow’s rambunctiousness.
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yta. willow is the one who broke it and you expect your stepdaughter to cover the costs. if you know that willow is rambunctious and liable to break things then maybe it was a poor choice to buy something fragile and expensive and leave it someplace willow has access to. that’s on you.
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yta , sounds like your “ actual” daughter is the problem. does your fake daughter even get paid to babysit the terror?
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yta
ashley didn't break it. your daughter did. i hope ashley is at least getting paid to babysit your terror child. you know your child is destructive. anything your daughter destroys is your responsibility.
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yta. the way you stated “my actual daughter” made me automatically know you would be the asshole, and low and behold….
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yta.
quickly tell her she owes you nothing and apologize for your actions. you should be embarrassed by this.
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yta. teach your "actual" daughter to behave. if she can't be trusted around breakable things you shouldn't have them on display. this should be a learning moment for you, not ashley.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care. i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed. ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy. am i being unfair here? aita? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my actual daughter (willow) is a good girl, but she’s very energetic, and unless she is with somebody who can pay attention, things can go wrong. my stepdaughter, ashley, is well aware of this as she usually looks after her on weekends while her father and i are out, which is why i think it’s fair for her to take responsibility for anything that does go wrong under her care. i recently purchased a beautiful sculpture, something i had my eye on for a while, a unique piece that held a lot of meaning to me. ashley was reminded to take care and make sure nothing happened to it – and to cut a long story short, ashley was too busy watching netflix to watch over willow, which resulted in it being completely destroyed. while i’m not hurting for money, this was a one of a kind sculpture and i don’t think it’s fair for ashley to stand by and let it be ruined and walk away unscathed. ashley has a part time job and more than enough money to buy herself clothing, makeup, junk food, and a number of other things, so i don’t think this is so unreasonable a request, but her mother went ballistic after she found out that her father and i expected her to save up to cover the cost of the item. i don’t personally see the problem here, but a few family friends have gotten involved and the situation has gotten rather messy. am i being unfair here? aita? ** [/INST] yta. if you don't like the way she babysits your daughter then parent your own child. </s>
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AITA for missing most of my daughter's wedding after she scheduled hers a day after my stepdaughter's wedding even though I tried to be there?
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my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment.
the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off.
in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers.
my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend.
i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along.
the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away.
and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle.
all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's.
i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready.
unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself.
i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose.
and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down.
i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness.
they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness.
the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again.
i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead.
aita?
| 8,816 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nbfrwo/aita_for_missing_most_of_my_daughters_wedding/
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2021-05-13 12:44:30
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yta
word of advice op the reason why she isn't satisfied is because she never wanted the money or expensive gifts she just wanted her dad. i feel like this was a pattern for her growing up. i know it was beyond your control and you say there was no favoritism. it probably came off that way.
you're not an asshole for trying to be there for both of them.you're the asshole for being blind thinking you can buy her off.
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yta you have two daughters who were engaged and planning weddings and you were so disengaged that you didn’t even know what month they were both looking at for the wedding. were you even talking to them about it? then, knowing that your daughter struggles with you being more present in the stepdaughter’s life than hers, you prioritized the stepdaughter’s reception over being sure you’d be present at your daughters wedding. yeah, i can see why she is upset. you can say you have good intentions but that’s not going to change the perception that she has - that you didn’t care for years and even on this day, you picked someone else.
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your daughter has always said you favour your sd, well done for proving once and for all, that is the case
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you could have left right after the ceremony instead of at 10 pm
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in.fo was your first time hearing about these weddings the day you recieved the save the dates? did neither of your daughter's share possible dates with you before hand? was bio daughter invited to step daughter's wedding? and why didn't you leave until 10pm
eta
esh - you bio daughter because she didn't help any of the drama at best, and at worst purposefully caused the drama.
you for thinking 2 hours is a good buffer after a 13 hour drive that you started at 10pm after a wedding (you would have walked down that aisle looking like a zombie even after a shower. rude to your daughter) for not leaving until 10pm (friend's opinion or not you did choose your step daughter over your bio daughter. if you expect your bio daughter to get over her bio father who was supposed to walk her down the aisle not even being there, why wouldn't you expect your step daughter to understand you had to leave her party to walk your other daughter down the aisle?
the way you phrase the "unfortunately step daughter lived with me full time so i had more time with her" in my opinion sounds like a justification for the same performative effort but lack of actual effort and care taken in this matter. you are at fault at least as much as her in this
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yta. you just proved to your daughter that you do love your stepdaughter more. you walked her down the aisle, were there and looking awake for the pictures, and stuck around for the reception. *your stepdaughter’s reception was more important to you than walking your daughter down the aisle.* if your daughter was that important to you you wouldn’t have given a fuck about other people’s opinions and you would have left right after the ceremony. giving her some money after the fact doesn’t change that.
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why are op’s first words: “my daughter has always been resentful”? why aren’t his first words: “i’m heartbroken i didn’t walk my daughter down the aisle.”???
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but how could something like this happen? do your daughter and sd not speak at all? who chose the date first?
how could you get so lost with gps, and how was there so much traffic on a sunday morning? i get that you were up against it, but considering your daughter had this issue with you and sd for your whole lives together, i would have left earlier and definitely made it happen somehow. what time was sd’s reception done?
i guess i’d say esh at this point. i think your daughter set you up on a ‘prove to me i’m important to you’ test. and while it was terribly unfair to you, you needed to make that happen. your absence cracked your relationship greatly.
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yta why not leave earlier and fly so you knew you would be there early i don't think you ment to prioritise your sd but you kinda did do it family therapy might help open everyone's eyes and maybe without realising it you might have prioritised your sd for a while
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gentle yta.
the compromise here was not to attend both weddings but to attend both ceremonies. your daughter wanted you to walk her down the aisle. leaving after your stepdaughter’s ceremony would have made that more possible.
you could have forgone both receptions to keep it fair. if you have the means offering to host/attend the rehearsal dinner for your stepdaughter and an after wedding brunch for your daughter would have been a nice gesture and shown that you wanted to be with them.
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ESH
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment. the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off. in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers. my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend. i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along. the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away. and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle. all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's. i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready. unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself. i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose. and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down. i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness. they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness. the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again. i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has always been resentful of my stepdaughter and growing up, we've had to deal with a lot of issues related to this resentment. the unfortunate reality was that my ex and i had shared custody so naturally, i saw my daughter less then my stepdaughter. my stepdaughter's biological father passed away and i've treated her like my own since she was 2. i love them both equally and i've never shown preferential treatment towards my stepdaughter, something my daughter always accuses me off. in 2019, my stepdaughter sent out a save the date for her wedding for a saturday in september. my daughter immediately called me, furious and accusing her stepsister of deliberately planning her wedding the day before hers. my daughter sent her own save the date a week later for the sunday on that same weekend. i talked to my stepdaughter who said it was pure coincidence and that she doesn't even talk to my daughter after all those years of them not getting along. the issue was that my daughter's wedding was happening in another state that is a 13 hour drive away. and both of them wanted me to walk them down the aisle. all of my extended family chose to attend my daughter's wedding over my stepdaughter's. i did the math and i calculated that if i left my stepdaughter's wedding at 10pm and drove through the night, i'd make it with 2 hours to freshen up and get ready. unfortunately, i got lost along the way plus traffic and i missed the actual wedding ceremony. my daughter's stepfather ended up walking her down the aisle by himself. i feel like i tried my best to make both my children happy but i failed one of them completely. my stepdaughter and her husband have been attacked on facebook by my daughter's friends who is claiming that my stepdaughter planned it on purpose. and when i tried to clear up the situation i was completely shut down. i gave my daughter and son-in-law an additional gift of money to go to japan, which has always been their dream. it was a lot of money but i hoped it would be a sort of way for me ask forgiveness. they had to postpone their trip because of covid but my daughter refuses to even consider any sort of forgiveness. the few times she picks up my calls always ends with her bringing up the wedding and getting angry at me again. i was told by a few members of my family that i was the asshole for not prioritizing my biological child's wedding and skipping my stepdaughter's wedding instead. aita? [/INST] yta word of advice op the reason why she isn't satisfied is because she never wanted the money or expensive gifts she just wanted her dad. i feel like this was a pattern for her growing up. i know it was beyond your control and you say there was no favoritism. it probably came off that way. you're not an asshole for trying to be there for both of them.you're the asshole for being blind thinking you can buy her off. </s>
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AITA for taking two of my nephews on vacation with me, but not the other?
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i'm 36m, childfree. i have two sisters, lisa and annie. lisa has two boys, 9m and 7m, annie has a 8m and 1f. they both struggle financially a little and i have a good job. so this year, i offered to take my nephews to vacation with me this year (my niece is so small that i don't feel comfortable being alone with her at all, and annie totally get that).
i told my sisters to bring the boys to my appartment for a weekend, so that i can see if they'll get along and if i'm up for taking them to the seaside with me for 14 days.
the boys came, and at first, we had a great time. i orderes us pizza, we watched a movie, played soccer etc. next morning, i woke them up and gave them cereal, the 8yro throws the cereal on the floor and says "i have waffles on the weekend". i told him he can't have waffles for breakfast today, but we can make them for dinner or breakfast next day. he said he doesn't like cereal. i told him he can then just have some toast with peanut butter or some fruit. he yelled at me for not making him waffles.
that day he also cut up my shirt because i didn't let him have cookies for lunch, and told me i suck for telling him to eat his veggies before i give them ice cream. he was nightmare. 7yro and 9yro behaved great.
when my sisters came to pick them up, i told annie what happened and she said " oh he is just high spirited". i told her i'm not taking him for vacation. i also told lisa i'd be glad to take her boys with me, and they were super super excited.
my parents and some aunts have been biting my head off for treating the kids differently and denying a boy to go to the seaside just because he misbehaved once.
aita?
| 20,832 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vlyckt/aita_for_taking_two_of_my_nephews_on_vacation/
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2022-06-27 15:38:43
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nta.
your 8 year old nephew has serious issues which his mother is ignoring.
cutting up a shirt because he couldn't have cookies for lunch? that is very disturbing behavior.
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nta you shouldn’t have to deal with a spoiled kid if you don’t want to. specially if he isn’t yours. rewarding the other two nephews for being good and taking them is lovely and super nice of you.
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nta. going with you is a privilege, it's not a right. and if he is behaving this way and your sister thinks it is normal behavior, how are you going to keep up with him while you are far away from his parent. because you can best believe that the next words out of his mouth would be, you are not my mom, i don't have to listen to you. it would be a nightmare and he could possibly get hurt, so no nta.
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nta. that's not misbehaving once. that's a warning of a hellish week if you took him. she probably wants the break but damn if my kids were like that i'd have sent a warning and how to handle that nonsense instructions. you don't let people find that out once they are stuck
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nta
that isn't "misbehaving once". your nephew is spoiled and out of control. at his age, that's usually a consequence of poor parenting..
if your relatives think your nephew deserves a vacation, they are more than welcome to take him.
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nta. i weep for 8m’s future.
did the parents and aunts get the whole story or your sister's side?
tell them to take 8m on vacation instead. i’ll be waiting with my popcorn.
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nta. i would refuse to watch him for an hour, damn sure would not reward his behavior with a vacation. he is old enough to understand actions have consequences.
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nta
this would be a good lesson for him about actions and consequences. but i worry that his behavior is a tad extreme for not getting what he wants. his mom should address that with him.
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nta
the 8 year old couldn't even behave for 1 night so why would you subject yourself to his bratty behavior for 14 days?? this needs to be a lesson to annie. no one is going to want her son around if she doesn't start correcting his behavior. cutting up someone's clothing because you can't have a cookie is not being "high-spirited". it's being a bad kid.
the 8 year old doesn't deserve a vacation from you when he has no respect for you or your belongings. maybe next time he'll be better and get to come along.
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nta. the cereal thing was insanely rude, but i might have chalked that up to not understanding how to be a guest in someone’s house, which can be taught (not by you, of course, but by his mom). however, destroying someone’s property, like with your shirt, goes way beyond misbehaving or being “high spirited.” that’s not your responsibility. it’s unfortunate that this behaviour has been coddled by your sister, but that’s her stuff to deal with, not yours to dance around. you’re definitely doing the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 36m, childfree. i have two sisters, lisa and annie. lisa has two boys, 9m and 7m, annie has a 8m and 1f. they both struggle financially a little and i have a good job. so this year, i offered to take my nephews to vacation with me this year (my niece is so small that i don't feel comfortable being alone with her at all, and annie totally get that). i told my sisters to bring the boys to my appartment for a weekend, so that i can see if they'll get along and if i'm up for taking them to the seaside with me for 14 days. the boys came, and at first, we had a great time. i orderes us pizza, we watched a movie, played soccer etc. next morning, i woke them up and gave them cereal, the 8yro throws the cereal on the floor and says "i have waffles on the weekend". i told him he can't have waffles for breakfast today, but we can make them for dinner or breakfast next day. he said he doesn't like cereal. i told him he can then just have some toast with peanut butter or some fruit. he yelled at me for not making him waffles. that day he also cut up my shirt because i didn't let him have cookies for lunch, and told me i suck for telling him to eat his veggies before i give them ice cream. he was nightmare. 7yro and 9yro behaved great. when my sisters came to pick them up, i told annie what happened and she said " oh he is just high spirited". i told her i'm not taking him for vacation. i also told lisa i'd be glad to take her boys with me, and they were super super excited. my parents and some aunts have been biting my head off for treating the kids differently and denying a boy to go to the seaside just because he misbehaved once. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 36m, childfree. i have two sisters, lisa and annie. lisa has two boys, 9m and 7m, annie has a 8m and 1f. they both struggle financially a little and i have a good job. so this year, i offered to take my nephews to vacation with me this year (my niece is so small that i don't feel comfortable being alone with her at all, and annie totally get that). i told my sisters to bring the boys to my appartment for a weekend, so that i can see if they'll get along and if i'm up for taking them to the seaside with me for 14 days. the boys came, and at first, we had a great time. i orderes us pizza, we watched a movie, played soccer etc. next morning, i woke them up and gave them cereal, the 8yro throws the cereal on the floor and says "i have waffles on the weekend". i told him he can't have waffles for breakfast today, but we can make them for dinner or breakfast next day. he said he doesn't like cereal. i told him he can then just have some toast with peanut butter or some fruit. he yelled at me for not making him waffles. that day he also cut up my shirt because i didn't let him have cookies for lunch, and told me i suck for telling him to eat his veggies before i give them ice cream. he was nightmare. 7yro and 9yro behaved great. when my sisters came to pick them up, i told annie what happened and she said " oh he is just high spirited". i told her i'm not taking him for vacation. i also told lisa i'd be glad to take her boys with me, and they were super super excited. my parents and some aunts have been biting my head off for treating the kids differently and denying a boy to go to the seaside just because he misbehaved once. aita? [/INST] nta. your 8 year old nephew has serious issues which his mother is ignoring. cutting up a shirt because he couldn't have cookies for lunch? that is very disturbing behavior. </s>
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AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I “refused” to take her to therapy for 2 years
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my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it).
my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive)
when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no
she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then.
my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility.
i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful.
| 8,157 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/riouvj/aita_my_daughter_complained_behind_my_back_to_my/
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2021-12-17 19:26:33
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yta. the guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? she told the truth. until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her. and by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. she was sneaky because you refused to help. you failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole.
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yta. she's been showing anxious behavior and lying since she was 5 and you never thought to get her medical care until she was in the 9th grade. how is she supposed to be open and talk to you when you accuse her of lying, read her personal diary and punish her for what you read when you snooped. you failed as a parent and you're blaming your daughter because you don't want to admit it.
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>at that point i discovered by reading her journal
there are many reasons yta, this is but one.
>i am upset with her sneaky behaviour
and this is another. talking to her brother is not "sneaky behavior." reading her journal ,however, is.
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yta. she told you what was up and you decided to disregard her. did you do any research? her behaviors are textbook examples of these diagnoses. she was a kid, and you didn't get her the treatment she needed. as someone with anxiety, do you know how uncomfortable it is? do you think she wanted to do all those self soothing rituals? you look bad because you decided your anger was more valid than your daughter's mental health. if you look bad then oh well, you look bad. instead of once again starting a fight that you will be in the wrong about, how about trying to do better?
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she asked for mental health help because she believed she had ocd, had been doing research, and you punished her. she went to other resources and when you found out you punished her and lied about refusing to take her- you quite literally did.
living with untreated anxiety for years is a literal hell, coming from experience. she had literal signs as a child that something was up (the rituals) and considering she stayed in treatment?
yeah, yta.
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>i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then.
she asked for help and you said no. she reached out to someone who would actually listen to her and help her and you grounded her for lying. lying about what exactly? she reached out for someone, anyone because mom and dad think that if their daughter would just sit quietly and not speak, things would be fine. you always looked at anything she said with distrust, so why should she trust you. for 2 years she talked about it. she never lied about that, you just wouldn't listen. she was 13, reaching out for help and you said no, you're just a dirty liar and we aren't gonna help you. you gave up on your child instead of being a parent. the fact she has seen many specialists and gotten treatments over the years means your daughter was right all along. yta and you're the liar here trying to rewrite history. you look bad because you were bad.
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oh, yta
do the work, see a therapist. i am not sure if you can repair the relationship. you realising how you failed your daughter and apologising profusely might be a start on repair. it might help her.
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yta. can someone explain it to me like i’m 5 now talking to her brother made her sneaky i’m just so confused, can’t wrap my head around it at all, op you seem far sneakier than your daughter.
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“a few months later we did take her to the doctor for treatment.” she has been attending this treatment since then. you still think she was lying about needing help?
you need therapy as well - for being in denial about why you had to let it get to the point of her seeking help through a guidance counselor.
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yta and frankly, if it wasn't for the rule about being civil, i'd have ***several*** very colorful things to say to you. your daughter made an effort to get herself help and you denied her that for two years.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive) when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility. i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). my daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better. these rituals often required my husband and i to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. in middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband. at one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive) when she was in grade 7 i saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. i questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. i felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no she intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. at that point i discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. i grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. she has more or lesss been in treatment since then. my son recently asked me if i really “denied her medical treatment”. to me she is making it sound like i was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. we have paid for specialists and supported her for years and i think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility. i am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. my daughter had a wonderful childhood and i hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. she has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful. [/INST] yta. the guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? she told the truth. until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her. and by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. she was sneaky because you refused to help. you failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole. </s>
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AITA for leaving a repairman a bad review for flirting with my wife?
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the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night.
a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical.
apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner.
the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.”
eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything.
i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened.
the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife.
he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy.
the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating.
i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding.
on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing.
aita?
| 24,379 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i26ptx/aita_for_leaving_a_repairman_a_bad_review_for/
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2020-08-02 05:09:09
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nta
maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house?
not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything.
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nta. they justified his behaviour, then put the blame on your wife for misinterpreting his behaviour. this is such a huge turn off. the company showed you it's views on how its employees are allowed to act. it's gross. leave a bad review!
in fact, think of it this way. by leaving the review, you are helping some other woman, maybe one who is less confident than your wife, not get into a similar situation.
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nta. that's not 'flirting', it's harassment and it sounds absolutely terrifying for your wife. then the owner called you and was like 'well, he was drunk at work, so no biggie right??'
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nta. he sexual harassed your wife.
what a sucky apology by the company. for that, he deserves a followup bad review. the owner may not have control of how an employee behaves, but he has absolute control over setting standards and deciding who works there. so the owner admits the guy was drunk on the job. then he downplayed the harassment and how your wife felt because it was all a joke? finally, he basically argued how his employees treat customers shouldn’t count as much as doing a technical job. never mind if that customer feels scared and threatened.
you didn’t cause personal problems for that guy. he did by his actions. i think most women would be grateful for the review. who wants to be sexual harassed and feel unsafe in their homes so the ac works?
if the company wants a better review, they need to hire better people.
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nta.
1. why would they send even a marginally intoxicated tech to fix anything? that's a major liability issue from the moment he gets in his vehicle.
2. how is it your fault if an accurate account of this guy's behavior causes him personal problems? if my husband hits on a customer and the customer complains and i leave him, that's my husband fault because his behavior initiated the chain of events.
3. why should any customer need to interpret an employee's sense of humor? while you're working there should be no humor that could, under any circumstances, make me question your motives or intentions. the fact that the company is covering for him speaks volumes about the company's values and lack of basic respect for their customers.
4. since when are google and yelp reviews ever strictly related to quality of work without considering customer service? i'm checking reviews specifically to avoid the company that hires creepy dudes who might drink before work then make female customers uncomfortable with their highly inappropriate comments about spending the night.
this dude can gtfo here with his bullshit. leave that review up so young single women especially know what they're walking into before they call this place.
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nta! no wonder your wife was so upset. he was way out of line. that’s actually terrifying. joking or not, that’s a nightmare scenario. a guy in my house, stepping outside his professional capacity to make comments about my body and make a point to mention that he knows i’m alone? it doesn’t matter how he intended it to come across, the result was she felt genuinely threatened.
and he was drunk on top of that! good lord. his boss is an ah too for trying to defend it. “misinterpreted” my foot.
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nta- but i would have let the owner know that he just admitted to dui and you were gonna inform the police.
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info: the fuck is up with calling this flirting?? the man harassed her in her own home until she was terrified!
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nta. reviews are not just about the end results. customer service is a big part of any business. what happened was inappropriate. the fact the owner didn't take the incident seriously makes me think the review is very much needed.
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used to have a kitchen business. we used a particular electrical contractor until we had 2 complaints in quick succession about one of their employees hitting on the female clients. a call to the company resulted in the owner saying "he is just going through a tough time because his girlfriend left him and yes, we will still be using him for your jobs."
no you won't because you aren't getting any more jobs off us! owner was pissed he lost our business because of this but his own fault - he had other employees he could have sent. we were sending over $100k a year his way until this happened.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita? [/INST] nta maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house? not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything. </s>
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AITA for tweezing off my baby’s unibrow?
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throwaway account because i’m a regular in a few mommy subs and i kind of don’t need them also judging me for this post.
i gave birth 15 months ago to a beautiful baby girl. she’s always been hairy. it’s nice in a way because she was born with hair on her head and she has really full eyelashes. but she also developed a unibrow. it was light at first. but over the last 4-5 months, it’s gotten fairly prominent.
for aesthetic reasons, i decided to pluck it while she slept. if she woke up i would stop. i managed to get it all off in a couple days.
i didn’t really think of this as being a bad thing. but a fellow mom friend of mine (meaning a friend irl) stopped by for a “play date” a few days ago. she’s an extremely observant person and she mentioned my daughter’s eyebrows. i was honest and said i plucked the middle while she slept. she had this horrified look and said she was surprised that i did that. i didn’t really know what to say, but obviously i felt a little insecure about my decision after that.
i’ve talked to my husband and he says i’m overthinking this, but i don’t know.
honest feedback welcome, obviously.
**edit for emphasis: as i said in my post, my daughter is 15 months. over a year. the hair darkened in the past few months but that is not her age. not that it really matters but i keep seeing people call her a newborn and an infant which she is not.**
| 3,509 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1vext/aita_for_tweezing_off_my_babys_unibrow/
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2019-06-18 00:27:47
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yta. wtf is wrong with someone who cares about their baby's eyebrows?! way to cement those self esteem issues nice and early, 10/10 parenting
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yta. you're seriously applying adult beauty standards to a child- a baby in fact. the kids unibrows make zero difference to her experience as a baby, but her mom pulling out her hairs one by one because she isnt pretty enough is going to carry a lifetime of complications.
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yta. you said it, "aesthetic reasons". it took you two days of her waking up while you caused her pain for no reason except your own vanity. narcissistic much?
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yta. just some food for thought, i have super low self esteem due to my mom constantly tweezing, bleaching (hair & teeth), picking, prodding, and fussing over my appearance my entire childhood.
you’ll be teaching your kid to hate her natural existence and she will feel the effects for the rest of her life.
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nta. i'm sure i'll get downvoted for this opinion, but it's *your* baby. if she's not waking up, she's obviously okay. i have no kids so maybe *i'm* the asshole for thinking this way, but she *will* be teased once she gets to school age. if you do it now, you're building a pain tolerance for later.
also, i'm sorry, but everyone in this world is judgemental as fuck and will be thinking rude thoughts about a baby with a unibrow. you're doing your baby a favor that is relatively painless. i've plucked lots of hair off my body, the only place the "hurts" is the upper lip.
as long as you love and care for your child, and you're doing this for her, then you're set. i also think that shaving it is a poor plan, in case you're thinking of that. plucking is much more precise whereas shaving you run the risk of nicking her, razor burn, or even getting more of the eyebrows than intended.
my sister has had diagnosed pcos for a long time now. we both have incredibly hairy arms (i've shaved mine every day for about 8 years now) but her hair also extends to her face. she's a strong woman but i've seen her sob over this. don't let your child feel less than because of some hair, fix the problems while you have the ability to do so.
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yta. does her natural appearance disgust you that much?
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nta
you're getting so much hate but i really think this is pretty minor, as long as you're stopping at the slightest sign she's waking up or it hurts.
people (myself included) treat their babies for things like cradle cap or infant acne all the time, which, if your baby dislikes baths, is probably considerably more unpleasant to them than being divested of a few hairs in their sleep.
ask your pediatrician and if they're not bothered by it, i say go ahead guilt free. revisit when the kiddo is old enough to express their own opinion.
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i'm gonna say nta.
plucking doesn't really hurt. if you were full on sculpting the brows, i'd say you were the asshole, but cleaning up a unibrow? who cares.
people pierce babies ears and style their hair in ways that's painful because they think it's cute. you did something that i am 100% sure that will be a part of her normal grooming habits. people are over reacting.
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yta that was pain for no other reason than **your** vanity.
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yta -- let your baby be a baby. there will be plenty of time for her to decide what beauty standards she wants to uphold and which ones she wants to buck, but there will never again be a time in her life of so little self-consciousness as now. there's no need to project it onto her.
i don't know, man ... when my daughter was a baby i'd look at her and her beautiful little baby unibrow and just think, "i'm going to want to rip a new one into the first person to make her feel ashamed of that." i can't imagine setting myself up to be that person.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.329945 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account because i’m a regular in a few mommy subs and i kind of don’t need them also judging me for this post. i gave birth 15 months ago to a beautiful baby girl. she’s always been hairy. it’s nice in a way because she was born with hair on her head and she has really full eyelashes. but she also developed a unibrow. it was light at first. but over the last 4-5 months, it’s gotten fairly prominent. for aesthetic reasons, i decided to pluck it while she slept. if she woke up i would stop. i managed to get it all off in a couple days. i didn’t really think of this as being a bad thing. but a fellow mom friend of mine (meaning a friend irl) stopped by for a “play date” a few days ago. she’s an extremely observant person and she mentioned my daughter’s eyebrows. i was honest and said i plucked the middle while she slept. she had this horrified look and said she was surprised that i did that. i didn’t really know what to say, but obviously i felt a little insecure about my decision after that. i’ve talked to my husband and he says i’m overthinking this, but i don’t know. honest feedback welcome, obviously. **edit for emphasis: as i said in my post, my daughter is 15 months. over a year. the hair darkened in the past few months but that is not her age. not that it really matters but i keep seeing people call her a newborn and an infant which she is not.**
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i’m a regular in a few mommy subs and i kind of don’t need them also judging me for this post. i gave birth 15 months ago to a beautiful baby girl. she’s always been hairy. it’s nice in a way because she was born with hair on her head and she has really full eyelashes. but she also developed a unibrow. it was light at first. but over the last 4-5 months, it’s gotten fairly prominent. for aesthetic reasons, i decided to pluck it while she slept. if she woke up i would stop. i managed to get it all off in a couple days. i didn’t really think of this as being a bad thing. but a fellow mom friend of mine (meaning a friend irl) stopped by for a “play date” a few days ago. she’s an extremely observant person and she mentioned my daughter’s eyebrows. i was honest and said i plucked the middle while she slept. she had this horrified look and said she was surprised that i did that. i didn’t really know what to say, but obviously i felt a little insecure about my decision after that. i’ve talked to my husband and he says i’m overthinking this, but i don’t know. honest feedback welcome, obviously. **edit for emphasis: as i said in my post, my daughter is 15 months. over a year. the hair darkened in the past few months but that is not her age. not that it really matters but i keep seeing people call her a newborn and an infant which she is not.** [/INST] yta. wtf is wrong with someone who cares about their baby's eyebrows?! way to cement those self esteem issues nice and early, 10/10 parenting </s>
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AITA for making my son walk the dog?
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throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post.
my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea.
dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him.
he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog.
the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest.
he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it.
to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once.
in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer.
my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita?
| 15,508 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0mcij/aita_for_making_my_son_walk_the_dog/
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2022-10-10 18:36:16
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yta
so, you are 3 people who want a dog and could care of the dog, but your son who didn't want the dog has to even though you told him, he wouldn't have to.
what you teach your son:
- you are a liar
- it is okay to not take care of own responsibilities
- you punish him intentionally because he isn't you
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dylan: i won’t interact with the dog.
*op buys the dog*
dylan: doesn’t interact with the dog.
op: 👁️👄👁️
by the way, yta.
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let me get this straight.
1. your son doesn’t like sports so it’s “hard for you to connect with him. “
2. he didn’t want a dog but you got one anyway and when he didn’t change his mind you punished him
3. the one hobby you say he does like, comics, you want to ban him from until he shows interest in your hobby.
why do you go so far out of your way to make it clear you have no interest in getting to know your son, you just want to change him into someone who you have things in common with? why not spend some time trying to learn about his interests instead of forcing yours on him? do you really think if you turn the dog into a punishment that will make him not resent the dog?
yta if that wasn’t obvious.
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i just...
yta.
big time.
poor dylan.
7 years and counting, wanna bet?
alex, the heir, the pride and joy with the same likes as you. dylan, the spare, can't click with you because you do not understand him. jake, the baby, again someone you can click with.
dylan situation sounds like the typical overlooked middle child. he is his own person, has not to be your carbon copy to show the world your 'manliness', your prowess between the sheets!
you wore your wife down with weeks of nagging.
then you set your sights on your defenseless child.
he said no, you pressured him, used your position as an authority person to wear him down saying yes to get a dog.
he warned you - your dog, not his problem.
and what are you doing now?
again stomping over him, trampling his boundaries into the dust just because again, he isn't a carbon copy of you?
is his own person?
with his own wants and his own needs?
in future years, when you browse through social media and see a post that he is engaged but he didn't tell you. when you see wedding photos for a wedding you got no invitation too. the birth, the baptism of (a) grandchild(ren) you will never see.
then search for this post.
read it.
and maybe then you will understand that 'no' is a full sentence.
but untill then, the 'lord of the manor' wants a dog, the 'lord of the manor' gets a dog after nagging, cajoling, pressuring wife and middle child into agreeing. but now the 'lord' is pissed that a forced 'yes' is still a 'no'. and again abuses his authority as a parent to pressure said child into behavior the 'lord' deems acceptable.
there are people out there who dislikes dogs, who want a gerbil, a cat, a snake.
there are people out there who are against getting a pet since they know exactly who will have to care for them - not the owner, no, the care will be placed onto their shoulders if they want it or not.
as you are doing now.
but guess what?
there are people out there who know how to help themselves. to stand up for themselve.
how often do you think can you force dylan to try to bond with zeus by walking him? to play with him? to care for him?
how fast comes the day when you come home from work and get informed that dylan walked zeus - as the lord ordered - but sadly zeus got away.
and is nowhere to be found.
and all this just because you can't accept that dylan is not you.
&#x200b;
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yta. huge. to both the dog and your son. he will end up hating animals thanks to you.
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when someone googles "total asshole" i'm guessing your photo pops up first. you're a manipulative husband and a crappy father who doesn't like it when he can't get his own way. yta
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yta and you are telling dylan that you can’t be trusted. he relented and agreed under the promise he would have no responsibility and you misled him and are now punishing him for not doing something that you said he didn’t have to do in the first place. this is gonna have repercussions beyond the dog if you don’t change course, recognize and apologize to your son.
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info why are you so obsessed with dylan not being interested in the dog? he’s not being mean to it or making your life more difficult by not wanting to be around the dog.
>which has always made it hard for me to connect with him
because everything needs to be all about you, what you like, on your terms?
don’t be surprised if your relationship becomes nonexistent when he’s able to move out.
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it cracks me up when people say “throwaway” when 1. nobody knows you so why does that matter? and 2. you just explained the whole story. do you really think your wife won’t be able to figure out that it’s about your family?
yta. unfortunately, i’m a dog lover, but the kid straight up told you he didn’t it want it in the first place and said he wouldn’t be helping with it, and you didn’t deny him of that right then. so you can’t all of a sudden force him to be part of something he told you he had no interest in.
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yta. stop fixing your son. he is not broken, he is different from you and that is a good thing. accept him as he is.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post. my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea. dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him. he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog. the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest. he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it. to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once. in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer. my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account and fake names because my wife is also on reddit. and sorry for the long post. my wife (39f) and i (42m) have three sons, alex (15), dylan (11), and jake (8). when i was a kid i always wanted a dog but my parents said no. i never got the chance to get one during my twenties but recently my interest in owning one was sparked again so i asked my family what they thought about getting a dog. my wife wasn’t enthusiastic about it but she relented after a few weeks of me asking. alex and jake were excited to get one but dylan was immediately opposed to the idea. dylan was always different than my other sons, he never had an interest in sports and was always more subdued than his brothers which has always made it hard for me to connect with him. he remained opposed to the idea of getting a dog but me and my other sons managed to wear him down until he finally relented. however, he said that if we did get a dog, he wasn’t going to be interacting with it or taking care of it, that would be completely on me and his brothers. i found this ridiculous but i agreed in the moment hoping he would change his mind after meeting the dog. the problem is he hasn’t changed his mind yet. we’ve had zeus for seven months now and dylan has not warmed up to him in the slightest. he doesn’t play with the dog, he doesn’t cuddle with him, he doesn’t let zeus into his room because he “destroys stuff” and whenever he is near the dog he just ignores him. i find this completely ridiculous. zeus loves dylan, he follows him around whenever he sees him and jumps on him to get his attention and play but dylan just isn’t receptive to it. to change this, i told dylan last week that he would be in charge of walking the dog every day after school. dylan straight up refused and has shut down the conversation every time i bring it up. it’s been a week and he hasn’t walked the dog once. in my frustration, i told him that if he didn’t start listening then i wouldn’t allow him to go to the comic book store anymore and he freaked and told my wife. now, my wife is upset with me, claiming that i knew what i was getting into with this and i knew that dylan wouldn’t be playing with the dog but his intolerance of the dog is weird and i refuse to entertain it any longer. my wife has been short with me ever since that conversation and dylan is cold with me as well. alex is now agreeing with his mother which is making me have second thoughts. so reddit, aita? [/INST] yta so, you are 3 people who want a dog and could care of the dog, but your son who didn't want the dog has to even though you told him, he wouldn't have to. what you teach your son: - you are a liar - it is okay to not take care of own responsibilities - you punish him intentionally because he isn't you </s>
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AITA for laughing at my starstruck girlfriend?
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last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying.
she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan.
she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now.
fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics??
| 18,883 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffd129/aita_for_laughing_at_my_starstruck_girlfriend/
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2020-03-08 14:11:51
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yta. let people enjoy their things.
and don't invite yourself to a concert you have no interest in. if i were your gf, i would expect you are trying to embarrass me again too.
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how do you not understand that yta? everything you did was asshole behavior. you were rude, dismissive and condescending. and you are sad she was “cold” to you? why in the world would you expect her to bring you again?
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yta. you mocked her. shit, you're posting it here and you still think you're nta. and stop saying "it was a joke". it wasn't, you know it wasn't. you belittled her, thinking her friends would join in your laughing at her. that definitely assholery.
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you are a major ah. this is something she loved, and has wonderful memories about. my wife loves the backstreet boys, and she did a meet and greet. it made her so happy, and she talks about how neat it was even today.
the ironic thing is, if you’d supported her and been happy for her, you probably would have gotten some action that night.
yta.
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yta. it meant a lot to her, and you humiliated her and laughed at her in front of her friends. there's no way you're not ta here.
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yta. it‘s a major red flag if your so belittles things that make you happy.
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yta. keep comments like that to yourself. especially with a loved one. why ridicule something she loves? i doubt that ntc found her embarassing, they see crazier fans every time they leave. she was fangirling at a place where its appropriate to dan girl.
and then you're surprised she didn't invite you or doesn't want you there?
dense huh?
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yta. massively. she has every reason to be upset over this, and you are 100% in the wrong here. you humiliated and judged her for something that is absolutely harmless. if you weren’t interested in the first concert and fan meet, you should’ve been honest and told her so she could’ve gone with someone else, like a friend, who would’ve been able to share that experience with her without ruining it. you weren’t supportive, and you need to recognize that you’re the one who needs to see things from her perspective and make an effort to understand how and how much you hurt her.
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yta - you purposely tried to take your girlfriends hoy out of a memory simply because you didn’t share in the joy! why would she ever want you to share another experience with her after you tainted her previous experience?
and fyi, she is not “too old” for anything. in my experience, people who say that someone is too old for happiness are people who cannot find happiness themselves. she did not embarrass herself, but you made a fool of yourself in front of your friends for how you treated her. your feelings on this say way more (negative) things about you than they do about her. you have some work to do on yourself.
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seriously are you sure you 22 not 12? yta.
you make fun of your girlfriend in front of all her friends about her fangirling and then are surprised she doesn't want to repeat the experience? absolutely yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying. she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan. she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now. fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying. she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan. she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now. fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics?? [/INST] yta. let people enjoy their things. and don't invite yourself to a concert you have no interest in. if i were your gf, i would expect you are trying to embarrass me again too. </s>
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AITA for locking my daughters diary
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aita for placing a lock on my (41) daughters (11) diary so my wife (36) would stop reading it. there was a recent post about a father who discovered his wife had been reading their child's diary without her knowledge and the father wanted to tell his daughter the truth. i, naively, shared this story with my wife to gain her insight and i thought we were on the same page. i was wrong.
for simplicity i'll start calling daughter a and wife k.
about a week ago k revealed to me that she had been reading a's diary because she was worried about her mental health. honestly i think she was concerned because a had started talking to a counselor and wouldn't share what was said during those sessions. she found out that a was very angry with her and is not handling this info very well.
i told k that i was incredibly disappointed and this was a serious invasion of privacy. she was obviously upset that i didn't agree but was completely unrepentant about her actions and said she had no intention of stopping.
so i bought a lock and told her it was to keep her older brother (13) and little sister (6) out of it. i did not mention her mother, i just can't bring myself to tell her.
my wife now thinks ita because she just wants to gain insight into a's mental health and i believe she should sit down and have an honest conversation. so reddit what do you think?
| 19,249 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kt9gvc/aita_for_locking_my_daughters_diary/
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2021-01-08 19:16:37
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nta
and as someone who had their parents read my personal writings, **thank you**. your daughter's privacy is important, and having someone read something personal is a huge breach of trust.
and like you said, if your wife is that concerned about your daughter's mental health she can talk to her about it.
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nta. your wife was being sneaky... if she was truly worried about your daughters mental health, she could’ve gone to a or the counselor and asked “short of telling me things that violate patient confidentiality, what can i do to help a’s mental health be better?” and then bam, problem solved. communication happens and problems are addressed.
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nta
agree that it’s an invasion of privacy. if the daughter ever found out it’ll lead to serious trust problems. if mom wants insights then she should do the adult thing and communicate with daughter. it’s a valuable lesson for both to learn.
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nta for the lock. a little ta for not telling the truth about who was really reading the diary. the other siblings dont deserve to be blamed, and the mom deserves to be held accountable.
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nta. i heavily disagree with the notion that she can remain unbiased and gain true insight into your daughters mental health by reading her diary. as a child who had her diaries read countless times and had the information used against me, it did nothing but cause huge mistrust in being able to safely vent but also communicate with my parents at all. i started writing in pig latin and then the dwarven runes from lord of the rings before finally giving up all together. it was mentally exhausting having to find ways to just be able to deal with feelings and emotions that my parents didn’t respect. you’re being a good parent, and your wife needs to learn she’s being sneaky, and not teaching what trust and good communication are.
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you are nta. your wife is out of line.
but as with most of the posts on this forum i’m thinking of her intentions: does she intend to manipulate and coerce her? or is she desperately trying to get into the head of her hostile and angry daughter so she can connect with her? regardless of her intentions- this behavior is wrong. but help her find the solution. i know most of the people on this forum come from the perspective of being a child with overwhelming or even abusive parents.
as a mama, my heart hurts for your wife. it is so hard when your kid seems to hate you. the beginning of those teenage years are isolating and terrible for both the child and the parent. you go from having this baby that loves your every action and lit up when you entered the room to eyerolls and sarcasm. there are far less mommy blogs, instagram accounts and books on parenting the hostile preteen. your wife needs resources and tools to be a better parent in this season.
that said, *if she has good intentions* perhaps encourage her to see a counselor herself and jointly with your daughter so they have a safe place to build their relationship.
if she is not coming from a good place then best of luck. she will permanently damage her relationship with your daughter if this continues.
best of luck.
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nta
there's a more respectful way of finding out what's going on in your child's life. talking.
if she wants to know things about your daughter she should spend time with her and talk to her.
if she's a good kid and is staying away from trouble i don't see any reason for your wife to go snooping around
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nta. and keep that kid in therapy. i have a feeling there is a *very* good reason she is so troubled by her relationship with her mother and she's gonna need help getting through it. no one should ever insist on a patient disclosing what they talked about in therapy. that's classic controlling behavior.
if i were you i'd send your wife to therapy or parenting classes (plenty of webinars, youtube videos, etc out there) so she can get a grip.
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nta - your wife is cheating. if she wants to know what’s going on with your daughter, she needs to spend time with her and build trust.
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nta. your wife is wrong to invade her daughter’s privacy. diaries are not meant to be shared and your wife needs to stop before ends creating a divide between. your daughter will no longer trust your wife or tell her anything because she keeps invading her privacy. you were right to buy that lock for her diary!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for placing a lock on my (41) daughters (11) diary so my wife (36) would stop reading it. there was a recent post about a father who discovered his wife had been reading their child's diary without her knowledge and the father wanted to tell his daughter the truth. i, naively, shared this story with my wife to gain her insight and i thought we were on the same page. i was wrong. for simplicity i'll start calling daughter a and wife k. about a week ago k revealed to me that she had been reading a's diary because she was worried about her mental health. honestly i think she was concerned because a had started talking to a counselor and wouldn't share what was said during those sessions. she found out that a was very angry with her and is not handling this info very well. i told k that i was incredibly disappointed and this was a serious invasion of privacy. she was obviously upset that i didn't agree but was completely unrepentant about her actions and said she had no intention of stopping. so i bought a lock and told her it was to keep her older brother (13) and little sister (6) out of it. i did not mention her mother, i just can't bring myself to tell her. my wife now thinks ita because she just wants to gain insight into a's mental health and i believe she should sit down and have an honest conversation. so reddit what do you think?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for placing a lock on my (41) daughters (11) diary so my wife (36) would stop reading it. there was a recent post about a father who discovered his wife had been reading their child's diary without her knowledge and the father wanted to tell his daughter the truth. i, naively, shared this story with my wife to gain her insight and i thought we were on the same page. i was wrong. for simplicity i'll start calling daughter a and wife k. about a week ago k revealed to me that she had been reading a's diary because she was worried about her mental health. honestly i think she was concerned because a had started talking to a counselor and wouldn't share what was said during those sessions. she found out that a was very angry with her and is not handling this info very well. i told k that i was incredibly disappointed and this was a serious invasion of privacy. she was obviously upset that i didn't agree but was completely unrepentant about her actions and said she had no intention of stopping. so i bought a lock and told her it was to keep her older brother (13) and little sister (6) out of it. i did not mention her mother, i just can't bring myself to tell her. my wife now thinks ita because she just wants to gain insight into a's mental health and i believe she should sit down and have an honest conversation. so reddit what do you think? [/INST] nta and as someone who had their parents read my personal writings, **thank you**. your daughter's privacy is important, and having someone read something personal is a huge breach of trust. and like you said, if your wife is that concerned about your daughter's mental health she can talk to her about it. </s>
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AITA for asking my wife to dress up not down?
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my wife and i have been married for 6 years now. my wife grace is beautiful. she is a very girly girl liking things like pink, flowers, purses and heels. before the pandemic, grace would always dress for a runway. she would have on makeup, heels, dresses, perfume, smooth skin and etc. during the pandemic though my wife's job got moved to at home. she stopped her beauty routine and spent most of the days in long t-shirts, shorts, sweat pants or her pajamas. i understood it since we weren't really go anywhere. grace also stopped wearing makeup, doing her hair, and shaving. while this bothered me cause i like having a beautiful wife i figured it was till her job got moved back to the office.
now things are open again. my job has been moved to the office but grace told me she didn't want to return and opted to keep working from home. her wardrobe has completely changed in the two years of the pandemic! she hardly wears her dresses, cute shirts, skirts, makeup or anything like before. its men's t-shirts with saying on them like i'm grumpy, jeans, sweat pants, and tennis shoes. and she has completely stopped shaving and waxing. now she'll dress up a bit if we go out or if we have company but thats it. grace tells me its too much work.
so now for the part where i may be an asshole.
before the pandemic, we went on a date night. since we haven't done in i suggested a night out at an expensive restaurant. i did pick this restaurant on purpose. grace said no and suggested we order takeout. when i refused she suggest a restaurant like ihop or chili's. her excuse? she didn't feel like shaving her legs for one of her dresses and wanted to be comfortable
i snapped saying "it wouldn't hurt you to dress up for once!" she accused me of only liking her looks! this isn't true! i told her i was just tired of feeling like i'm living with a homeless woman. grace ended up locking herself in our bedroom. i know my words were harsh. i ordered a pizza and tried to apologize but grace wouldn't open the door. i slept on the couch. right now grace is still giving me the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to me or be in the same room as me. i know i hurt her feelings with my words however i think this is depression or isolation from the pandemic since before grace had no problem looking like a model.
aita?
| 9,792 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tf46lk/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_dress_up_not_down/
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2022-03-16 00:01:10
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yta
you know what the pandemic taught a lot of women? that the expensive beauty culture that is shoved in our faces all day long is bs.
we can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time instead of 20% of the time and dress up solely when we want to and not because it’s expected.
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info: do you regularly shave large amounts of your body and wear makeup?
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“while this bothered me because i like having a beautiful wife” yta
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hey op
you shave your legs, under arms and balls. then do your eyebrows. put on make up layer by layer but be careful or you might make yourself look more like a clown than you already are! do your nails, toes, hair and pick an outfit. balance in the heels too. now do this everyday!
being “beautiful” is work! it is a routine! its work and your wife isn’t depressed! she just doesn’t want to do it anymore! she realized how much work it takes her to be beautiful and doesn’t want to do it anymore.
you insulted her by calling her homeless! an insult to your wife and homeless people who often do not have access to washing and grooming!
apologize to your wife! try to put yourself in her heels! your wife wants a more comfortable wardrobe and if you don’t like that then buy a barbie!
yta
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first off, yta.
second off, if you were *actually* worried about her being depressed from isolation, it would have been brought up in a **much** different way than what you did.
third, what fucking planet did you come from to think she has to curate her body to your specs?
info:
in which reality of the multiverse did you picture yourself posting this and receiving any kind of validation? me and dr. strange ran through 10,321,654,987 possibilities and came up with 0.
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yta
holy moly, my dude. i suggest you get her favorite take out and *grovel*
no where have you talked about any good qualities about your wife or what you love her for *other than her looks*
you told her she looked like someone unable to access regular bathing facilities and regular shelter.
i will almost guarantee that she is reevaluating your entire marriage. everything in this post was about how *you* feel and about what *you* want.
have you once, ever, stopped to think about what your wife wants for herself?
you admitted openly to trying to manipulate her into doing what you want by picking that restaurant.
you are absolutely ta here.
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oh. my. goodness.
yta. “while this bothered me because i like having a beautiful wife”? your wife is right. you like her for her looks but only when she’s wearing makeup and wearing cute dresses. she’s not a doll. she’s a living, breathing person who realized her value is more than her looks.
if you actually care about *her*, the person under her skin, and care about your marriage, you will apologize. sincerely. and you will find beauty in who she is now.
that, or cut her loose so she can be free of your judgement, and go buy yourself a show dog.
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yta. a lot of women realized we don’t need to do the whole beauty routine during the pandemic.life’s too short. and your spouse is suppose to love you, regardless if you’re in sweats or a cocktail dress but you called her a homeless woman…then you try to say you think all of this is from depression and isolation….ok then, get her help. don’t call her homeless. what kind of husband belittles their wife they assume is depressed??
also…women don’t have to shave or wax for you. she completely can do what she wants with her hair..it’s hers.
i hope you still love her if she….god forbid….gains weight. yta…i don’t even get how it’s a question.
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yta and believe me i wanted to say n-t-a because everyone wants to have a nice night out where they dress up and look nice once in a while.
the way you tell this is that over the pandemic grace has changed and you don't like these changes.
you picked an expensive dress up restaurant and tried to force the issue, then got mad because it didn't go your way.
the best way you could have handled this in my opinion would have been to say "hey i'd like us to dress up and go out somewhere nice in a week or two. would you mind doing this with me?
this would give her time to prepare and get into the mentality of dressing up. for us men we make sure our hair is neat and throw on a suit.
for the women i have known they go through mental preparations, shaving/waxing, make-up, hair, eyebrows, eye lashes, right dress/outfit and anything else i haven't thought of.
you were demanding that she spend several hours getting ready for an hour to two hour date on short notice of course she turned it down.
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your wife is not a barbie doll.
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have been married for 6 years now. my wife grace is beautiful. she is a very girly girl liking things like pink, flowers, purses and heels. before the pandemic, grace would always dress for a runway. she would have on makeup, heels, dresses, perfume, smooth skin and etc. during the pandemic though my wife's job got moved to at home. she stopped her beauty routine and spent most of the days in long t-shirts, shorts, sweat pants or her pajamas. i understood it since we weren't really go anywhere. grace also stopped wearing makeup, doing her hair, and shaving. while this bothered me cause i like having a beautiful wife i figured it was till her job got moved back to the office. now things are open again. my job has been moved to the office but grace told me she didn't want to return and opted to keep working from home. her wardrobe has completely changed in the two years of the pandemic! she hardly wears her dresses, cute shirts, skirts, makeup or anything like before. its men's t-shirts with saying on them like i'm grumpy, jeans, sweat pants, and tennis shoes. and she has completely stopped shaving and waxing. now she'll dress up a bit if we go out or if we have company but thats it. grace tells me its too much work. so now for the part where i may be an asshole. before the pandemic, we went on a date night. since we haven't done in i suggested a night out at an expensive restaurant. i did pick this restaurant on purpose. grace said no and suggested we order takeout. when i refused she suggest a restaurant like ihop or chili's. her excuse? she didn't feel like shaving her legs for one of her dresses and wanted to be comfortable i snapped saying "it wouldn't hurt you to dress up for once!" she accused me of only liking her looks! this isn't true! i told her i was just tired of feeling like i'm living with a homeless woman. grace ended up locking herself in our bedroom. i know my words were harsh. i ordered a pizza and tried to apologize but grace wouldn't open the door. i slept on the couch. right now grace is still giving me the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to me or be in the same room as me. i know i hurt her feelings with my words however i think this is depression or isolation from the pandemic since before grace had no problem looking like a model. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been married for 6 years now. my wife grace is beautiful. she is a very girly girl liking things like pink, flowers, purses and heels. before the pandemic, grace would always dress for a runway. she would have on makeup, heels, dresses, perfume, smooth skin and etc. during the pandemic though my wife's job got moved to at home. she stopped her beauty routine and spent most of the days in long t-shirts, shorts, sweat pants or her pajamas. i understood it since we weren't really go anywhere. grace also stopped wearing makeup, doing her hair, and shaving. while this bothered me cause i like having a beautiful wife i figured it was till her job got moved back to the office. now things are open again. my job has been moved to the office but grace told me she didn't want to return and opted to keep working from home. her wardrobe has completely changed in the two years of the pandemic! she hardly wears her dresses, cute shirts, skirts, makeup or anything like before. its men's t-shirts with saying on them like i'm grumpy, jeans, sweat pants, and tennis shoes. and she has completely stopped shaving and waxing. now she'll dress up a bit if we go out or if we have company but thats it. grace tells me its too much work. so now for the part where i may be an asshole. before the pandemic, we went on a date night. since we haven't done in i suggested a night out at an expensive restaurant. i did pick this restaurant on purpose. grace said no and suggested we order takeout. when i refused she suggest a restaurant like ihop or chili's. her excuse? she didn't feel like shaving her legs for one of her dresses and wanted to be comfortable i snapped saying "it wouldn't hurt you to dress up for once!" she accused me of only liking her looks! this isn't true! i told her i was just tired of feeling like i'm living with a homeless woman. grace ended up locking herself in our bedroom. i know my words were harsh. i ordered a pizza and tried to apologize but grace wouldn't open the door. i slept on the couch. right now grace is still giving me the cold shoulder, refusing to speak to me or be in the same room as me. i know i hurt her feelings with my words however i think this is depression or isolation from the pandemic since before grace had no problem looking like a model. aita? [/INST] yta you know what the pandemic taught a lot of women? that the expensive beauty culture that is shoved in our faces all day long is bs. we can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time instead of 20% of the time and dress up solely when we want to and not because it’s expected. </s>
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AITA for uninviting my grandma to my wedding?
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so im getting married and when i was on call with my grandmother (75) she was super excited to come and i was excited to have her there. im her oldest grandchild, so we have a special relationship. but a few days ago she learned that my sister (my maid of honor) is gay and i invited her girlfriend. she was furious about the gay thing and told me that either i uninvite the girlfriend or she doesn't come and i immediatelly said that if this is the way she thinks, i don't want her there. now my whole family is telling me to just uninvite the girlfriend and reinvite my grandma.
sounds bad but i, my fiance, my sister and her girlfriend live in one appartment now (they lost an appartment for 2020 reasons) and the girlfriend has basically been my roomate for six months now. i'm very close to her, closer than my granny actually, and i really want her there.
my family's opinion is that i am the asshole.
| 19,404 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lccury/aita_for_uninviting_my_grandma_to_my_wedding/
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2021-02-04 10:26:39
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nta - doing the right thing isn’t always popular.
even if you hadn’t been living together, disinviting the gf bc of bigotry wouldn’t be morally right.
have a wonderful wedding!
edit to say many thanks for the awards and upvotes! i had a similar sitch when my brother came out so this post struck a nerve. if you’re gay, there’s more of us who have your back than those who don’t ❤️
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nta - your wedding. invite whoever you want., they are all the ah for dictating who you should invite.
that being said i'd just invite both, then if the grandma doesn't come then it's on her and not you.
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nta. your grandma said her or sister’s gf and you chose, she shouldn’t have given you an ultimatum for your own wedding. it is your wedding and it’s up to you to decide who is there. grandma is ta not only for being homophobic but for trying to back you in a corner and use you loving her against you to push her beliefs onto you and your wedding. sucks to suck gma
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nta. this isn’t just an issue of your choosing the gf or your grandma. it’s also about choosing your sister, and choosing to love and respect her as she is. your grandmother’s reaction was terrible, her demand was outrageous, and your family is being ridiculous. i’m sorry that you have to deal with this.
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so absolutely nta! idk what your family is thinking there? are they all being homophobic?
first of all, it is your wedding, so you should be able to do what you want and what you think is right. it is your day and no one else's (apart from your partner of course).
second of all, your grandma (and family) are definitely ta for being so inconsiderate and stuck in the middle ages. even if they have a problem with it they could have simply asked to not be seated with the gay couple and everyone could have had their peace. nice of you to stick up for your sister and her girlfriend, right thing to do in my opinion.
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fuck no! nta does she think she'll catch the gay and start a dildo party with her neighbour barbara? good for you for not tolerating that shit.
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look, i loved my grandma. i adored her. but as an queer person i also had to listen to her homophobia, including the belief that people were turned gay by being r*aped by gay people.
it's difficult to think of your grandma as a homophobic asshole. i get it. but she's invalidating your sisters choices and isn't interested in learning more.
thank you for supporting your sister.
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nta- she set the ultimatum. your grandmother being bigoted
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nta when you play homophobic games you get homophobic prizes
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so wait. if you uninvited the girlfriend, you sister won't be gay anymore? or is grandma ok with her being gay so long as she doesn't look it.
i say it was grandma's choice. if you have a mind to, you might be able to again apologize for not accommodating her wishes, and say you hope she changes her mind, but that's about all you can really do. how does you sister feel about her ditching her gf for granny?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so im getting married and when i was on call with my grandmother (75) she was super excited to come and i was excited to have her there. im her oldest grandchild, so we have a special relationship. but a few days ago she learned that my sister (my maid of honor) is gay and i invited her girlfriend. she was furious about the gay thing and told me that either i uninvite the girlfriend or she doesn't come and i immediatelly said that if this is the way she thinks, i don't want her there. now my whole family is telling me to just uninvite the girlfriend and reinvite my grandma. sounds bad but i, my fiance, my sister and her girlfriend live in one appartment now (they lost an appartment for 2020 reasons) and the girlfriend has basically been my roomate for six months now. i'm very close to her, closer than my granny actually, and i really want her there. my family's opinion is that i am the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so im getting married and when i was on call with my grandmother (75) she was super excited to come and i was excited to have her there. im her oldest grandchild, so we have a special relationship. but a few days ago she learned that my sister (my maid of honor) is gay and i invited her girlfriend. she was furious about the gay thing and told me that either i uninvite the girlfriend or she doesn't come and i immediatelly said that if this is the way she thinks, i don't want her there. now my whole family is telling me to just uninvite the girlfriend and reinvite my grandma. sounds bad but i, my fiance, my sister and her girlfriend live in one appartment now (they lost an appartment for 2020 reasons) and the girlfriend has basically been my roomate for six months now. i'm very close to her, closer than my granny actually, and i really want her there. my family's opinion is that i am the asshole. [/INST] nta - doing the right thing isn’t always popular. even if you hadn’t been living together, disinviting the gf bc of bigotry wouldn’t be morally right. have a wonderful wedding! edit to say many thanks for the awards and upvotes! i had a similar sitch when my brother came out so this post struck a nerve. if you’re gay, there’s more of us who have your back than those who don’t ❤️ </s>
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AITA for telling my ex she’ll have to live without her closure?
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i’m going to cut to the chase, i (36m) got about a year or so left before making that final trip to the after life. i’ve made my peace with it and these last few years have been the best of my life. we’ve known for a while that i was living on borrowed time so we vacationed a lot before covid.
everyone knows i probably won’t be here by next year.
well as it turns out my old ex decided to come back into my life. we were together since highschool. before i proposed i found out she was cheating with one of her friends and broke up when we were 27. it was the darkest time of my life until i was pushed into going to therapy.
3 years later i got back into dating and met my wife. got married after 2 years and we have been together ever since. she’s been the most incredible partner through all this and i don’t know how i would’ve made it without her.
you can guess why my ex came back. she’d like us to meet so she could formally apologize to me and have one last conversation. i said no way. she is the last person i want to see right now and didn’t take it well i guess.
our families are somewhat close. her parents have been my aunt’s neighbors before either of us were even born so they still saw eachother after we split. my aunt heard from her folks that i’m refusing to see her and she’s gotten my parents involved.
now they all hate her (except my aunt who always had a soft spot for her), but they do feel like maybe we should talk before i go. i don’t know what exactly they think this will bring, aside from just dragging up painful memories.
i don’t want to bring up anything from the past and focus on making the most with my wife and family. they left it alone at first until my ex tried reach me again asking to please meet.
my ex says she heartbroken over my condition and just wants us to talk so we can have closure. but i explained to her i had mine years ago and am in a better place.
and where i believe i was the asshole was telling her she’s gonna have to live without hers. im getting a little more ridicule from my aunt and my dad. mom’s still a bit on my side about it.
they do think what i said was very insensitive and it’s clearly painful for her knowing what she did to me and that i’ll be gone soon.
my wife is completely on my side here and actually gave my dad a piece of her mind (it was pretty hot so see; she rarely ever yells) for making things more complicated for me. they’ve left me alone but it’s still on my mind and i don’t know how exactly i was an asshole for saying that.
i had said it as statement, there’s no reason for us to speak except it being for her benefit and since i’d rather not, then she will in fact have to live without that closure.
| 18,400 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m6tzul/aita_for_telling_my_ex_shell_have_to_live_without/
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2021-03-17 06:28:25
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nta. it's been years, you've moved on and are happy. she's exploiting the situation and wants to apologize to play the bereaved ex role later on. she could have apologized and had closure years ago. the timing feels selfish and you are not obligated to indulge her.
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i don’t care about your ex. i just wanna wish you strength, joy, peace, love and light and whatever makes you happy on your journey and beyond.
nta
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nta! it’s selfish of her to think you owe her anything, least of all closure. you sound incredibly emotionally mature i’m so happy you have someone like your wife by your side as you come to the end of your journey... and all i want to say on that front is death isn’t the end. wishing you luck, friend!
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nta
“i am under no obligation to give a stranger any of my limited time or attention. (ex) became a stranger to me the day she decided to turn her back on me and find her happiness elsewhere. please stop advocating for me to make others feel better about what’s left of my life.”
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nta. she slammed the door on your relationship by cheating. she doesn’t get to open it again just so she can close it gently this time.
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nta
you’re at peace and you deserve to enjoy your final year with your wife.
your cheater ex literally made her bed and now gets to sleep it in. she knows what she did was wrong and she only wants closure so she doesn’t feel guilty. it literally has nothing to do w caring about you. she’s still being selfish.
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nta. i fecking hate this idea that we're supposed to let people who treated us like shit have their moment in the sun and earn their forgiveness of themselves at the our emotional expense. it's selfish. it has nothing to do with making anything up to you and 100% about giving herself a moment to pat herself on the back about how she redeemed herself (and probably give herself a sad little story to tell people about how she was so gracious as to admit fault to her ex who passed, tbh).
you don't owe her a conversation. you don't owe her closure. you don't owe her a damn thing. she, on the other hand, owes you the basic amount of respect and consideration to accept what you want in this situation, and leave you the hell alone.
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"get closure" means "i control when this is over, you have no power". nta for using your remaining time the way you want to.
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“i insist that you, my cheated-upon ex-, who has but a finite amount of time left on earth, sit and listen politely while i vomit a bunch of bs onto you to make myself feel better for choosing to betray you years ago...”
“nope.”
*so* **nta.**
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nta
with the time you have left, you should decide how to spend it. your ex only wants to talk for her own selfish reasons. you moved on, and you certainly don't owe her any favours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m going to cut to the chase, i (36m) got about a year or so left before making that final trip to the after life. i’ve made my peace with it and these last few years have been the best of my life. we’ve known for a while that i was living on borrowed time so we vacationed a lot before covid. everyone knows i probably won’t be here by next year. well as it turns out my old ex decided to come back into my life. we were together since highschool. before i proposed i found out she was cheating with one of her friends and broke up when we were 27. it was the darkest time of my life until i was pushed into going to therapy. 3 years later i got back into dating and met my wife. got married after 2 years and we have been together ever since. she’s been the most incredible partner through all this and i don’t know how i would’ve made it without her. you can guess why my ex came back. she’d like us to meet so she could formally apologize to me and have one last conversation. i said no way. she is the last person i want to see right now and didn’t take it well i guess. our families are somewhat close. her parents have been my aunt’s neighbors before either of us were even born so they still saw eachother after we split. my aunt heard from her folks that i’m refusing to see her and she’s gotten my parents involved. now they all hate her (except my aunt who always had a soft spot for her), but they do feel like maybe we should talk before i go. i don’t know what exactly they think this will bring, aside from just dragging up painful memories. i don’t want to bring up anything from the past and focus on making the most with my wife and family. they left it alone at first until my ex tried reach me again asking to please meet. my ex says she heartbroken over my condition and just wants us to talk so we can have closure. but i explained to her i had mine years ago and am in a better place. and where i believe i was the asshole was telling her she’s gonna have to live without hers. im getting a little more ridicule from my aunt and my dad. mom’s still a bit on my side about it. they do think what i said was very insensitive and it’s clearly painful for her knowing what she did to me and that i’ll be gone soon. my wife is completely on my side here and actually gave my dad a piece of her mind (it was pretty hot so see; she rarely ever yells) for making things more complicated for me. they’ve left me alone but it’s still on my mind and i don’t know how exactly i was an asshole for saying that. i had said it as statement, there’s no reason for us to speak except it being for her benefit and since i’d rather not, then she will in fact have to live without that closure.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m going to cut to the chase, i (36m) got about a year or so left before making that final trip to the after life. i’ve made my peace with it and these last few years have been the best of my life. we’ve known for a while that i was living on borrowed time so we vacationed a lot before covid. everyone knows i probably won’t be here by next year. well as it turns out my old ex decided to come back into my life. we were together since highschool. before i proposed i found out she was cheating with one of her friends and broke up when we were 27. it was the darkest time of my life until i was pushed into going to therapy. 3 years later i got back into dating and met my wife. got married after 2 years and we have been together ever since. she’s been the most incredible partner through all this and i don’t know how i would’ve made it without her. you can guess why my ex came back. she’d like us to meet so she could formally apologize to me and have one last conversation. i said no way. she is the last person i want to see right now and didn’t take it well i guess. our families are somewhat close. her parents have been my aunt’s neighbors before either of us were even born so they still saw eachother after we split. my aunt heard from her folks that i’m refusing to see her and she’s gotten my parents involved. now they all hate her (except my aunt who always had a soft spot for her), but they do feel like maybe we should talk before i go. i don’t know what exactly they think this will bring, aside from just dragging up painful memories. i don’t want to bring up anything from the past and focus on making the most with my wife and family. they left it alone at first until my ex tried reach me again asking to please meet. my ex says she heartbroken over my condition and just wants us to talk so we can have closure. but i explained to her i had mine years ago and am in a better place. and where i believe i was the asshole was telling her she’s gonna have to live without hers. im getting a little more ridicule from my aunt and my dad. mom’s still a bit on my side about it. they do think what i said was very insensitive and it’s clearly painful for her knowing what she did to me and that i’ll be gone soon. my wife is completely on my side here and actually gave my dad a piece of her mind (it was pretty hot so see; she rarely ever yells) for making things more complicated for me. they’ve left me alone but it’s still on my mind and i don’t know how exactly i was an asshole for saying that. i had said it as statement, there’s no reason for us to speak except it being for her benefit and since i’d rather not, then she will in fact have to live without that closure. [/INST] nta. it's been years, you've moved on and are happy. she's exploiting the situation and wants to apologize to play the bereaved ex role later on. she could have apologized and had closure years ago. the timing feels selfish and you are not obligated to indulge her. </s>
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AITA for serving my MIL the “dog’s water?”
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a couple of nights ago my in-laws came over for dinner. i had glasses on the table with ice and was filling them with water from a pitcher. i set the pitcher down to go grab something off the stove and my mother-in-law resumed filling the glasses. my 13-year-old stepdaughter walked in and stopped her, saying “don’t use that, that’s the dog’s water!”
my mother-in-law was confused and said i had just been using it and my stepdaughter replied with “no, that’s gross. that’s for the dog.”
to clarify, the dog’s food and water is across the kitchen from the sink. when i fill her bowl i do use this pitcher, then i leave it sitting on the nearest counter to the dish because the pitcher holds more water than the bowl. i can just walk by, top the bowl off, you get it.
i told my mother-in-law that, yes, i do pour water from this pitcher into the dog’s dish, but the dog doesn’t actually touch it or drink out of it directly so i assumed that was that. however, later at dinner when the water glasses needed to be topped off my husband reached for the same pitcher and my mother-in-law told him not to use it. apparently, she’s offended that i filled dinner glasses with the “dog’s water.”
i definitely get it if it were something the dog was touching or interacting with, but in my mind there’s no difference between that water and pitcher versus any other water and pitcher i pour from. just to be sure though, is there something here i’m missing? do i owe my mother-in-law (who now thinks i’m trying to poison her with dog germs) an apology?
**
| 5,683 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ttbheb/aita_for_serving_my_mil_the_dogs_water/
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2022-03-31 22:26:18
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yta how dare you make your dog drink the same water your mil drinks. don’t disrespect your dog like that
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lol nta... by that logic all tap water is the "dog's water"
no contamination, no issue
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[removed]
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nta this might just be the craziest post that i have read on reddit today. a pitcher is a pitcher.
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nta. the pitcher literally just holds water. you can even water your flowers with it for what it's worth.
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i fill my dogs' water at the sink, does that mean i can't drink water from our sink? oh dear...
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nta.
it reminds me of an ad i saw for bottled water once with the caption “the water in your sink is the same as the water in your toilet”. while factually true, since they come from the same pipes, the association is completely spurious.
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nta. maybe have a talk with your daughter about the innappropriate wording of her comment. it could be she didn't understand, but your mil is more than old enough to understand that "the dog's water" is very different from "water from a pitcher also used to fill the dog bowl". she needs to engage her logical brain, but i'm sure she can get there.
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nta it’s literally just water.
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nta. my granma would get all pissy about the cats' food dishes going in the dishwasher with "people plates."
i never liked my granma.
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a couple of nights ago my in-laws came over for dinner. i had glasses on the table with ice and was filling them with water from a pitcher. i set the pitcher down to go grab something off the stove and my mother-in-law resumed filling the glasses. my 13-year-old stepdaughter walked in and stopped her, saying “don’t use that, that’s the dog’s water!” my mother-in-law was confused and said i had just been using it and my stepdaughter replied with “no, that’s gross. that’s for the dog.” to clarify, the dog’s food and water is across the kitchen from the sink. when i fill her bowl i do use this pitcher, then i leave it sitting on the nearest counter to the dish because the pitcher holds more water than the bowl. i can just walk by, top the bowl off, you get it. i told my mother-in-law that, yes, i do pour water from this pitcher into the dog’s dish, but the dog doesn’t actually touch it or drink out of it directly so i assumed that was that. however, later at dinner when the water glasses needed to be topped off my husband reached for the same pitcher and my mother-in-law told him not to use it. apparently, she’s offended that i filled dinner glasses with the “dog’s water.” i definitely get it if it were something the dog was touching or interacting with, but in my mind there’s no difference between that water and pitcher versus any other water and pitcher i pour from. just to be sure though, is there something here i’m missing? do i owe my mother-in-law (who now thinks i’m trying to poison her with dog germs) an apology? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a couple of nights ago my in-laws came over for dinner. i had glasses on the table with ice and was filling them with water from a pitcher. i set the pitcher down to go grab something off the stove and my mother-in-law resumed filling the glasses. my 13-year-old stepdaughter walked in and stopped her, saying “don’t use that, that’s the dog’s water!” my mother-in-law was confused and said i had just been using it and my stepdaughter replied with “no, that’s gross. that’s for the dog.” to clarify, the dog’s food and water is across the kitchen from the sink. when i fill her bowl i do use this pitcher, then i leave it sitting on the nearest counter to the dish because the pitcher holds more water than the bowl. i can just walk by, top the bowl off, you get it. i told my mother-in-law that, yes, i do pour water from this pitcher into the dog’s dish, but the dog doesn’t actually touch it or drink out of it directly so i assumed that was that. however, later at dinner when the water glasses needed to be topped off my husband reached for the same pitcher and my mother-in-law told him not to use it. apparently, she’s offended that i filled dinner glasses with the “dog’s water.” i definitely get it if it were something the dog was touching or interacting with, but in my mind there’s no difference between that water and pitcher versus any other water and pitcher i pour from. just to be sure though, is there something here i’m missing? do i owe my mother-in-law (who now thinks i’m trying to poison her with dog germs) an apology? ** [/INST] yta how dare you make your dog drink the same water your mil drinks. don’t disrespect your dog like that </s>
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AITA for requesting that my brother gives me £20,000 to help me pay for my wedding since he makes a lot more than me?
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i (23f) am engaged to my fiancé (27m). i am also the mother to my daughter (4). i wasn't able to go to university full time, since i was raising my daughter. however, i am currently studying history online, where i will hopefully be able to become a history teacher. balancing studying while raising my daughter hasn't been easy, however, having my fiancé supporting the family has really helped, since my fiancé works in a research lab. we have enough money to live comfortably, but saving up money to have our dream wedding would take years.
my brother (28m) works as a hospital doctor. his wife also works as a hospital doctor, so to say that they are well off would be an understatement. my brother hasn't had the same struggles of raising a child, since they both don't want any children. i don't mind the fact that they both have kids, but they have been able to save a lot of money due to this.
recently, i asked my brother if he would be able to help pay for my wedding, since having him contribute to my wedding would help make it a magical moment for me. my brother offered to give me £5,000 towards my wedding, which honestly surprised me. i might be wrong here, but surely as a hospital doctor, my brother should be able to contribute more to my wedding. i told him that i'd really appreciate it if he could give me £20,000 for my wedding, since it would really mean a lot, but he refused.
i'd be lying if i said i didn't make my annoyance with my brother clear, and i told him that his refusal to help pay for my wedding is selfish, and that if he doesn't help contribute to my wedding, then he won't be able to come, since it isn't my fault that i don't a lot of money to fund my wedding. we had an argument afterwards, and i haven't been returning his calls since. the rest of my family is helping to contribute to my wedding, which makes his refusal even worse.
despite my brother's actions, my father thinks that i'm being too harsh on my brother, and that me not inviting him to my wedding would be upsetting for him. am i missing something here?
aita?
| 6,910 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q6wgcj/aita_for_requesting_that_my_brother_gives_me/
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2021-10-12 21:44:22
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yta lmao
he offered you money and he didn’t have to. you’re entitled 😂
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yta. your brother doesn't owe you squat for your wedding, and his offer of 5000 quid was super generous already. your behaviour is inexcusable, and you should start drafting apologies.
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yta.
* you are trying to have a wedding you can't afford
* you are deciding how your brother and sil should spend their money, because they don't have kids. not your business.
* that you asked for people to fund your dream wedding
* that you turned down the money your ***brother generously offered*** and ***demanded more*** (seriously???)
* that you are willing to exclude your brother from your wedding over this
no one owes you anything. have a wedding you can actually afford without bankrupting your family and friends in the process.
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yta, hopefully you’re £5000 short now
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yta.
your brother is 28, and based on the currency, a uk doctor- so he graduated a maximum of five years ago. he is not well off. he is paying a good chunk of his salary in student loan repayments. he is working crazy hours and has spent the last 18 months battling the shit storm that is covid.
£5000 is incredibly generous and certainly more than i could have afforded to give someone five years after graduating.
you do not deserve to be rewarded for getting pregnant as a teenager. you chose to have the baby. your brother chose to use contraception. the fact that he is sensible doesn’t make you entitled to his money.
also- £20000 for a wedding?! my wedding is this weekend. i’m a doctor, my fiancé is a solicitor. we have 100 guests. it’s in a castle. we’ve added lots of extras. it’s costing under £10000.
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what gives you any right to your brothers and his families money? yta.
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definitely yta. why are you entitled to his money that he worked hard for? you should've just taken the $5k he offered to you, which is already a lot. if i were him, i wouldn't even be giving you the $5k after this.
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easiest one today. yta
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yta. most people’s weddings cost less than £20,000. if you want a big extravagant wedding, save for it yourselves. £5000 is more than reasonable, i would even suggest that it is far too much to donate towards a siblings wedding. plus your other family members are helping with costs.
no one has to contribute anything, you should be grateful for what they are offering and live within your means.
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in what world do you think you’re not the ah?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) am engaged to my fiancé (27m). i am also the mother to my daughter (4). i wasn't able to go to university full time, since i was raising my daughter. however, i am currently studying history online, where i will hopefully be able to become a history teacher. balancing studying while raising my daughter hasn't been easy, however, having my fiancé supporting the family has really helped, since my fiancé works in a research lab. we have enough money to live comfortably, but saving up money to have our dream wedding would take years. my brother (28m) works as a hospital doctor. his wife also works as a hospital doctor, so to say that they are well off would be an understatement. my brother hasn't had the same struggles of raising a child, since they both don't want any children. i don't mind the fact that they both have kids, but they have been able to save a lot of money due to this. recently, i asked my brother if he would be able to help pay for my wedding, since having him contribute to my wedding would help make it a magical moment for me. my brother offered to give me £5,000 towards my wedding, which honestly surprised me. i might be wrong here, but surely as a hospital doctor, my brother should be able to contribute more to my wedding. i told him that i'd really appreciate it if he could give me £20,000 for my wedding, since it would really mean a lot, but he refused. i'd be lying if i said i didn't make my annoyance with my brother clear, and i told him that his refusal to help pay for my wedding is selfish, and that if he doesn't help contribute to my wedding, then he won't be able to come, since it isn't my fault that i don't a lot of money to fund my wedding. we had an argument afterwards, and i haven't been returning his calls since. the rest of my family is helping to contribute to my wedding, which makes his refusal even worse. despite my brother's actions, my father thinks that i'm being too harsh on my brother, and that me not inviting him to my wedding would be upsetting for him. am i missing something here? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) am engaged to my fiancé (27m). i am also the mother to my daughter (4). i wasn't able to go to university full time, since i was raising my daughter. however, i am currently studying history online, where i will hopefully be able to become a history teacher. balancing studying while raising my daughter hasn't been easy, however, having my fiancé supporting the family has really helped, since my fiancé works in a research lab. we have enough money to live comfortably, but saving up money to have our dream wedding would take years. my brother (28m) works as a hospital doctor. his wife also works as a hospital doctor, so to say that they are well off would be an understatement. my brother hasn't had the same struggles of raising a child, since they both don't want any children. i don't mind the fact that they both have kids, but they have been able to save a lot of money due to this. recently, i asked my brother if he would be able to help pay for my wedding, since having him contribute to my wedding would help make it a magical moment for me. my brother offered to give me £5,000 towards my wedding, which honestly surprised me. i might be wrong here, but surely as a hospital doctor, my brother should be able to contribute more to my wedding. i told him that i'd really appreciate it if he could give me £20,000 for my wedding, since it would really mean a lot, but he refused. i'd be lying if i said i didn't make my annoyance with my brother clear, and i told him that his refusal to help pay for my wedding is selfish, and that if he doesn't help contribute to my wedding, then he won't be able to come, since it isn't my fault that i don't a lot of money to fund my wedding. we had an argument afterwards, and i haven't been returning his calls since. the rest of my family is helping to contribute to my wedding, which makes his refusal even worse. despite my brother's actions, my father thinks that i'm being too harsh on my brother, and that me not inviting him to my wedding would be upsetting for him. am i missing something here? aita? [/INST] yta lmao he offered you money and he didn’t have to. you’re entitled 😂 </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay from my gay son’s tuition after he came out to his family?
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my(40f) son(19m) came out to my husband(40m) and i when he was 14 years old. my husband and i are both atheists and support the lgbtq+ community and were both proud of our son for coming out. however, my husband’s mother is a devout catholic and is extremely intolerant of gay people. she is wealthy and my children were told from a young age their college would be paid for as long as they attended a private christian or catholic school. she believes this will keep them from partying, having premarital sex, etc. i don’t agree with this and have argued my children getting the best education possible regardless of the school’s religious affiliation should be her top priority, but she refuses to change her mind. my son chose a christian college one state over to attend. he graduated with a lot of college credit from taking many ap classes in high school and will be done in three years opposed to four. he’s currently just began year two which has been already paid for.
during labor day weekend, he came home to celebrate his grandmas birthday. he told one of his cousins that he was talking to a boy at his college, and thought he could trust him. he seemed supportive according to my son, but he told his mom and dad and my husband’s sister and her husband are just are religious as my mother in law and outted my son to her. she is livid and called me and informed me she will not be making any future payments toward his tuition and told me to relay the message to him as she will no longer be speaking to him. i have told him many times not to come out to his grandma, cousins, aunt or uncle until he was through with college. i hate that he can’t be himself, but my husband and i cannot afford his college. i don’t like my mother in law and will be going no contact once my other two children(15f and 13m) get their chance to have their tuition paid for as well. my son is okay with me waiting to do so for the sake of his siblings. he will unfortunately have to take out student loans and eat the cost of his final year.
my son is obviously devastated he both will not have his final year of college paid for next year and that his cousin is not someone he can trust. he now wants me and my husband to foot the bill next year. we have $25k saved up currently that we plan on using for much needed kitchen renovations. our oven barely works, our dishwasher doesn’t work at all, and the kitchen itself is worn down and outdated. my son is calling me an asshole for prioritizing to a “remodel” over his education. we’ve explained to him our kitchen is falling apart and it’s much needed and is nowhere near the cost of his tuition, so even if we postponed it, we would still be short as his private school is very expensive. i feel like he is an adult and he needs to be the one to deal with the consequences, not us. aita for not using our family’s savings to cover his remaining tuition?
| 14,473 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xiuwgp/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_from_my_gay_sons_tuition/
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2022-09-20 01:19:01
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yta. not because you can't afford it and letting your adult son figure it out... but for saying it was *his* fault he lost his money.
in this entire post you are more angry and disappointed in your son instead of your bigot parents. you are more angry at your child than at the little tattle-tale who vomited homophobia at the first chance they got.
trying to hide yourself is so fucking hard, and you expected your son to not have any public relationships for years and years??? you say "i hate that he has to hide himself" but the moment he tripped up, you said, "well sucks to be you, now fuck off."
you're not as accepting as you seem.
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nta. in truth, the problem is your bigoted mil, not you or your son. however, you just cannot give your son what you cannot afford. he will simply have to take out a student loan, but maybe he could transfer his credits to a state college which would probably be less expensive. he could also possibly look at ways of paying back his loans through community service, like teach america, or the americorps.
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info: how are you gonna deal with future holidays?
your youngest is 13. that’s almost ten years until you can cut her off. you’re gonna enable her for the next ten years?
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your title is highkey bs--he didn't come out to his family. he came out to one person that he thought he could trust, and that person outed him to everyone else. overall, though, i have to say nah--it's understandable that you don't want to dump your savings, and it's understandable that he's upset about losing his college.
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nta. mostly.
i don't think paying for your kid's higher education is an obligation. it's nice if parents are wealthy enough to do so, but he's an adult now. it's kind of like buying them a car. totally your prerogative to spend your money however you want. the idea that parents can't have anything for themselves even when their kids are grown is crazy to me.
someone was willing to foot his bill. that changed. now he needs to pay for it himself. it happens.
that said, what he does deserve from you is support and feeling like you're on his side. that costs you nothing. so maybe it's not the time to point out how he "should have" done something differently, but rather the time to help him work through his options and his feelings.
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as a queer kid, who’s grandma changed her homophobic views when it got clear how i’d be turning out (talking age 5, here),
nta.
make it clear you’ll co-sign any loans to get him a better interest rate. the university system is massively fucked, and i’d go a lot farther than hiding my identity to get my education paid for. make sure your other kids understand what’s going on, if they choose to continue to have a relationship with grandma.
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nta. first and foremost, your son is not entitled to have you pay for his college expenses. you have no obligation to cover it, whether you had the extra money or not. he can handle his education expenses like all the many students who don't have a free family-sponsored ride.
you were all willing to compromise his identity and honesty to get grandmother's money. he got 2 out of 3 years tuition paid for the deceit. that's not nothing. he could look at it as him now being free of her catholic control - he could even transfer to another university if he wants.
be sure your other children understand that they don't have to go along with grandma's control and can decide to live their own lives if they don't want to trade for money.
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i am torn. this is incredibly difficult and i can see why you are asking there is a lot going on here.
where to begin...mil is generously offering to pay for college for each of her grandchildren *provided* that they all go to colleges she approves of (ie: religion based). (g-ma likes to be in control obviously)
you knew when your son was 14 that he was gay - however you, as his parents apparently decided that while you claim to accept this, told him that he couldn't tell anyone else because then grandma won't pay for school. so he has not been able to live his authentic self for a number of years and has to hid who he is. he learns that lying to get something you want and have someone pay for something is okay.
son has to go to a religion based school that most likely condemns his orientation and perhaps actually, actively preaches against it on campus - but he must endure this to have his schooling paid for.
son knows the probable consequences if religious family discovers secret but confides to a cousin who he is - cousin doesn't respect his privacy and tells the family. grandma finds out and ceases to pay for school from this point forward....and cuts off all communication and relationship with said grandson.
son now expects you to pay for his schooling because grandma pulled the plug. he has now learned a very harsh lesson about lies, trust, manipulation and consequences.
you never planned on paying for your children's college education so you did not have a back up plan. because you were hoping to keep making your son live a lie, at least until he was done with school.
you have money set aside for a (you claim) needed remodel and your son is mad at you for not using that to pay for his school.
you're going to go nc with your mil - but not until you get college educations for your other two children who, right now are only 15 and 13....aka suck up and gaslight grandma for at least another ***9 years*** and will not obviously 'support' or advocate 1st son in families presence so as not to be cut off financially.
there is a lot of assholeary going on here. grandma of course, you & your husband for so many things, but not the reason you asked... nta for not using your savings on his school, but may i suggest only getting the necessities, such as the appliances replaced and at least helping him a little bit with school this year with the understanding that he needs to find financing or other financial aid for the rest of school.
also now is the time to encourage your youngest two do very well in school with an eye to scholarships in the future as well as getting after school jobs to help with college expenses when they are older. grandma may pass away before they get to school and if she doesn't provide for their schooling in her will they will be screwed, she may change her mind, she may cut off your whole family for any reason she sees fit...because obviously she has no problem with cutting off your son.
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nta
the money is "blood money" so? this is america is 2022 we do not have the privilege of staying morally and financially pure in this country.
get your bag however you can for however long you can sleep soundly while getting it lol.
and speaking as a gay man i damn sure would have kept my mouth shut to secure my degree.
definitely wouldn't have trusted the kid of some religious fuckheads family or not.
yeah your son is facing the consequences of his actions. but that ain't your responsibility.
he made the decision to trust some religious fuckhead and it fucked him over. but he can't expect you to put aside everything for him.
fact is granny might just cut off his siblings too for fear that they might be tainted by proximity especially if they knew he was gay and she finds out they knew and didnt tell her.
and he damn sure ain't gonna help with their college.
smh it really sucks but that's the world we live in.
not the asshole op.
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nta your son got 2 years of college free so he’ll only have to finance a single year. go ahead and do your renovations, he knew the terms of the agreement and he chose to talk about his relationship instead of keeping quiet. a years worth of loans won’t kill him
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.077718 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(40f) son(19m) came out to my husband(40m) and i when he was 14 years old. my husband and i are both atheists and support the lgbtq+ community and were both proud of our son for coming out. however, my husband’s mother is a devout catholic and is extremely intolerant of gay people. she is wealthy and my children were told from a young age their college would be paid for as long as they attended a private christian or catholic school. she believes this will keep them from partying, having premarital sex, etc. i don’t agree with this and have argued my children getting the best education possible regardless of the school’s religious affiliation should be her top priority, but she refuses to change her mind. my son chose a christian college one state over to attend. he graduated with a lot of college credit from taking many ap classes in high school and will be done in three years opposed to four. he’s currently just began year two which has been already paid for. during labor day weekend, he came home to celebrate his grandmas birthday. he told one of his cousins that he was talking to a boy at his college, and thought he could trust him. he seemed supportive according to my son, but he told his mom and dad and my husband’s sister and her husband are just are religious as my mother in law and outted my son to her. she is livid and called me and informed me she will not be making any future payments toward his tuition and told me to relay the message to him as she will no longer be speaking to him. i have told him many times not to come out to his grandma, cousins, aunt or uncle until he was through with college. i hate that he can’t be himself, but my husband and i cannot afford his college. i don’t like my mother in law and will be going no contact once my other two children(15f and 13m) get their chance to have their tuition paid for as well. my son is okay with me waiting to do so for the sake of his siblings. he will unfortunately have to take out student loans and eat the cost of his final year. my son is obviously devastated he both will not have his final year of college paid for next year and that his cousin is not someone he can trust. he now wants me and my husband to foot the bill next year. we have $25k saved up currently that we plan on using for much needed kitchen renovations. our oven barely works, our dishwasher doesn’t work at all, and the kitchen itself is worn down and outdated. my son is calling me an asshole for prioritizing to a “remodel” over his education. we’ve explained to him our kitchen is falling apart and it’s much needed and is nowhere near the cost of his tuition, so even if we postponed it, we would still be short as his private school is very expensive. i feel like he is an adult and he needs to be the one to deal with the consequences, not us. aita for not using our family’s savings to cover his remaining tuition?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(40f) son(19m) came out to my husband(40m) and i when he was 14 years old. my husband and i are both atheists and support the lgbtq+ community and were both proud of our son for coming out. however, my husband’s mother is a devout catholic and is extremely intolerant of gay people. she is wealthy and my children were told from a young age their college would be paid for as long as they attended a private christian or catholic school. she believes this will keep them from partying, having premarital sex, etc. i don’t agree with this and have argued my children getting the best education possible regardless of the school’s religious affiliation should be her top priority, but she refuses to change her mind. my son chose a christian college one state over to attend. he graduated with a lot of college credit from taking many ap classes in high school and will be done in three years opposed to four. he’s currently just began year two which has been already paid for. during labor day weekend, he came home to celebrate his grandmas birthday. he told one of his cousins that he was talking to a boy at his college, and thought he could trust him. he seemed supportive according to my son, but he told his mom and dad and my husband’s sister and her husband are just are religious as my mother in law and outted my son to her. she is livid and called me and informed me she will not be making any future payments toward his tuition and told me to relay the message to him as she will no longer be speaking to him. i have told him many times not to come out to his grandma, cousins, aunt or uncle until he was through with college. i hate that he can’t be himself, but my husband and i cannot afford his college. i don’t like my mother in law and will be going no contact once my other two children(15f and 13m) get their chance to have their tuition paid for as well. my son is okay with me waiting to do so for the sake of his siblings. he will unfortunately have to take out student loans and eat the cost of his final year. my son is obviously devastated he both will not have his final year of college paid for next year and that his cousin is not someone he can trust. he now wants me and my husband to foot the bill next year. we have $25k saved up currently that we plan on using for much needed kitchen renovations. our oven barely works, our dishwasher doesn’t work at all, and the kitchen itself is worn down and outdated. my son is calling me an asshole for prioritizing to a “remodel” over his education. we’ve explained to him our kitchen is falling apart and it’s much needed and is nowhere near the cost of his tuition, so even if we postponed it, we would still be short as his private school is very expensive. i feel like he is an adult and he needs to be the one to deal with the consequences, not us. aita for not using our family’s savings to cover his remaining tuition? [/INST] yta. not because you can't afford it and letting your adult son figure it out... but for saying it was *his* fault he lost his money. in this entire post you are more angry and disappointed in your son instead of your bigot parents. you are more angry at your child than at the little tattle-tale who vomited homophobia at the first chance they got. trying to hide yourself is so fucking hard, and you expected your son to not have any public relationships for years and years??? you say "i hate that he has to hide himself" but the moment he tripped up, you said, "well sucks to be you, now fuck off." you're not as accepting as you seem. </s>
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AITA for letting my boyfriend's passport expire before our trip?
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my boyfriend of over a year and i are going to an out of country destination for a week in march. i love him a lot but he can be juvenile and i find myself feeling at times like a mother and child dynamic.
his passport has been expired since may 2018, and i have brought it up several times to get it renewed. we have even had a tiff or two over it. in november, we booked and paid for this trip. it cost about 1000$ each.
the deadline of him needing to have his passport sent off so he can get it back in time is approaching quickly. i guess i'm asking preemptively to this so i know if i'd be an asshole if i followed through with what i am currently intending on doing : i'm not going to say shit and let him deal with the consequences if he doesn't get it together on time. i'll have a lovely vacation on my own.
be honest. would that make me an asshole to knowingly let him miss out on our trip and lose the 1k?
edit
thank you so much to everyone who answered and gave me advice. i love my bf and i do want to take the trip with him and i don't think this is the rock i want to die on. i'll give him one more reminder and then i'll let him decide his course. to all the nta people telling me i'm not his mom and he needs to get his shit together - you are so right. i know i can't describe all the intricasies of our relationship in a text post but just know that he is a super worthwhile character. but it's time for the tough love card, even if it's not going to be over this trip.
**edit2**
i gave the adamant 'this is the last time i'm bringing it up, i spent money on this trip too and i'm going with or without you' warning. then i dragged him out and got his passport photos - he was cranky about it initially but when it only took 5 minutes he admitted it was nice to have it done. now i can truly feel like i've done all that i reasonably can without tying him to the hood of the car and driving him to the office myself. again, thanks everyone. i'll try and get replies out/ keep everyone posted as to what happens.
| 6,544 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/adwdkn/aita_for_letting_my_boyfriends_passport_expire/
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2019-01-08 17:08:57
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yta, but you can easily make this a not-the-asshole situation by saying exactly one thing (which you might have already done):
>boyfriend, passport deadline is coming up. **i'm not reminding you again**, and if you don't get it taken care of i'm going without you.
the reason this makes a difference to me is that you've gotten him used to being reminded, and pulling out from that support role without telling him explicitly that's what you're doing is unnecessarily unkind.
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nta. people need to learn to be responsible for their own lives, even when they're in relationships. having to mother a boyfriend is *frustrating as fuck*, too.
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nta. it’s his responsibility. also, you should both be aware that due to the current govt shutdown in the us passports are not being processed. i have mutual friends who both had to recently cancel a trip because they will not be able to get them in time. you should tell your boyfriend that info and hope it lights a fire under his ass. after that, you’re good.
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esh - your frustration is understandable. but it would be equally as juvenile for you to watch your boyfriend fail when you could step in and help. this lesson won't magically change his ways. if anything losing the money and the trip will only add more resentment to your dynamic.
you need to sit down with him and seriously discuss your concerns. if that doesn't help, it might be worth considering if you even want to stay in the relationship. it is possible to love someone but not have long-term compatibility.
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nta. you've reminded him several times. you could remind him one last time, if you'd like, but the end remark is the same that this is something that is his responsibility.
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ah i love my husband to death but early in our relationship the dynamics were going too much like this and i pulled something similar.
it doesn't make me not an asshole but more than ten years later, and still madly in love, he said it was the best thing that happened to him. sometimes people do need a rude awakening.
yta, but might be for the best. give him one more reminder that he needs to get it done and if he doesn't, although you'll miss him, you're still going on holiday.
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nta.
op, it is not your job to save him from himself. you've already warned him. he already knows he paid money. he already knows his passport is expired.
if he can't connect those two measly dots and get his shit together, it's his problem, not yours.
also, why are you with someone who is being such a dead weight? life is too hard and too short to waste it on someone who isn't even trying.
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let the adult figure their own shit out, you’ve already been helpful with reminders. sometimes people need consequences to their lack of action. nta.
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nta. he's a grown ass adult, his girl friend shouldn't have to play mommy over something as basic as a fucking deadline. it's not hard to fill out the paperwork and get the passport photo, ffs.
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info. is 1k a substantial sum of money for his situation?
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.35412 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend of over a year and i are going to an out of country destination for a week in march. i love him a lot but he can be juvenile and i find myself feeling at times like a mother and child dynamic. his passport has been expired since may 2018, and i have brought it up several times to get it renewed. we have even had a tiff or two over it. in november, we booked and paid for this trip. it cost about 1000$ each. the deadline of him needing to have his passport sent off so he can get it back in time is approaching quickly. i guess i'm asking preemptively to this so i know if i'd be an asshole if i followed through with what i am currently intending on doing : i'm not going to say shit and let him deal with the consequences if he doesn't get it together on time. i'll have a lovely vacation on my own. be honest. would that make me an asshole to knowingly let him miss out on our trip and lose the 1k? edit thank you so much to everyone who answered and gave me advice. i love my bf and i do want to take the trip with him and i don't think this is the rock i want to die on. i'll give him one more reminder and then i'll let him decide his course. to all the nta people telling me i'm not his mom and he needs to get his shit together - you are so right. i know i can't describe all the intricasies of our relationship in a text post but just know that he is a super worthwhile character. but it's time for the tough love card, even if it's not going to be over this trip. **edit2** i gave the adamant 'this is the last time i'm bringing it up, i spent money on this trip too and i'm going with or without you' warning. then i dragged him out and got his passport photos - he was cranky about it initially but when it only took 5 minutes he admitted it was nice to have it done. now i can truly feel like i've done all that i reasonably can without tying him to the hood of the car and driving him to the office myself. again, thanks everyone. i'll try and get replies out/ keep everyone posted as to what happens.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend of over a year and i are going to an out of country destination for a week in march. i love him a lot but he can be juvenile and i find myself feeling at times like a mother and child dynamic. his passport has been expired since may 2018, and i have brought it up several times to get it renewed. we have even had a tiff or two over it. in november, we booked and paid for this trip. it cost about 1000$ each. the deadline of him needing to have his passport sent off so he can get it back in time is approaching quickly. i guess i'm asking preemptively to this so i know if i'd be an asshole if i followed through with what i am currently intending on doing : i'm not going to say shit and let him deal with the consequences if he doesn't get it together on time. i'll have a lovely vacation on my own. be honest. would that make me an asshole to knowingly let him miss out on our trip and lose the 1k? edit thank you so much to everyone who answered and gave me advice. i love my bf and i do want to take the trip with him and i don't think this is the rock i want to die on. i'll give him one more reminder and then i'll let him decide his course. to all the nta people telling me i'm not his mom and he needs to get his shit together - you are so right. i know i can't describe all the intricasies of our relationship in a text post but just know that he is a super worthwhile character. but it's time for the tough love card, even if it's not going to be over this trip. **edit2** i gave the adamant 'this is the last time i'm bringing it up, i spent money on this trip too and i'm going with or without you' warning. then i dragged him out and got his passport photos - he was cranky about it initially but when it only took 5 minutes he admitted it was nice to have it done. now i can truly feel like i've done all that i reasonably can without tying him to the hood of the car and driving him to the office myself. again, thanks everyone. i'll try and get replies out/ keep everyone posted as to what happens. [/INST] yta, but you can easily make this a not-the-asshole situation by saying exactly one thing (which you might have already done): >boyfriend, passport deadline is coming up. **i'm not reminding you again**, and if you don't get it taken care of i'm going without you. the reason this makes a difference to me is that you've gotten him used to being reminded, and pulling out from that support role without telling him explicitly that's what you're doing is unnecessarily unkind. </s>
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AITA for showing my grandparents the offensive Tik toks my cousins made about them & older people? Now they told me that they are giving me the entire inheritance.
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my grandparents are pretty successful my grandpa was a cardiologist and my grandma was an entrepreneur. my grandparents had three kids in total. i am not all that close with my cousins now, we used to be as kids but after high school we really haven't hung out much. i would also say that of the grandkids i am the closest one to my grandparents.
long story short, my cousins made a lot of tik toks a lot of them bashing old people in particular old white people, that they can't wait for them to die so the country can make some actual progress. i showed it to my grandparents.
my grandparents saw the tik toks and they were really upset, they had a phone call with my cousins (i don't know what was said, grandparents don't want to talk about it and cousins not close with) but my grandparents told me that if that's how they want to behave then they aren't getting a sent. my grandparents told me and my dad that i'll be the only grandkid getting an inheritance, some money will be going towards charity and my grandfather's best friend's kid.
now my cousins hate me, they think i am the reason why they aren't getting an inheritance. i don't know what to say like? if you hate someone than no they aren't going to want to give you money. also they made these views public with tik tok, this wasn't some private conversation i leaked.
| 4,499 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j21czp/aita_for_showing_my_grandparents_the_offensive/
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2020-09-29 15:25:32
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yta. you made it seem like your cousins were specifically making fun of your grandparents, when in reality they were not. a lot of people make jokes about the older conservatives dying off so change can happen. they probably didn’t mean any ill will towards their grandparents, and tik tok is not a platform that they would expect their grandparents to see. your grandparents probably wouldn’t get the joke either because it’s a gen z joke. you basically ratted out your cousins and made your grandparents think they said something specifically about them. why did you show it to your grandparents? just to cause drama and sever familial relationships? you’re obviously a kid, but yta this was so unnecessary.
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nta. maybe your cousins will learn a lesson or two about being a dick online.
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yta. according to your comments, the tiktok videos weren't about your grandparents or anyone specific. they were political and socioeconomic opinion pieces.
you tattled to make yourself look better, and are an ah for it.
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info: what kind of tiktoks? like were they specifically bashing your grandparents or just old conservative white people? because i’ve definitely seen the types of tiktoks you’re describing and they’re usually tongue in cheek jokes about how old white people control the majority of our government (which is true) and once we replace them we might have a chance at some more progressive policies and laws. if your cousins were making those types of jokes it’s nothing different to the types of conversations i see on the reddit politics page. if they were genuinely and specifically bashing your grandparents then i’d agree with you.
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you realize that not everything everyone puts online is a direct representation of their character right? this sounds like the tik toks were a joke, or part of a tik tok trend. i’m going with esh because obviously it’s shitty to generalize that way, but also you’re a huge tattletale nerd who just wanted to have your “gotcha moment” with your cousins.
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yta. it’s a tiktok about your grandparents’ generation, not about your specific grandparents. i feel like you did this on purpose hoping to get them in trouble. you went out of your way unprovoked.
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[removed]
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yta, you knew exactly what you were doing and you got the outcome you were hoping for
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info: were your cousins talking specifically about your grandparents, or just about their generation?
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yta
what did you gain (besides inheritance) from ratting out your cousins to your grandparents??? your post makes it seem as if they were insulting your grandparents but your comments say that they were making a commentary on their generation. and your grandparents reaction to this video is probably the exact point that your cousins were trying to make. your grandparents were quick to punish the younger generation for having an opinion that basically does not align with their own opinions. to me, this is no different than showing conservative parents a child posting a picture in a bikini and them being punished for it. you weren't being attacked in the video, neither were your grandparents, so you really only did this to tattle on them. i don't like the word tattle because it seems juvenile but that's exactly what you did.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.166667 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandparents are pretty successful my grandpa was a cardiologist and my grandma was an entrepreneur. my grandparents had three kids in total. i am not all that close with my cousins now, we used to be as kids but after high school we really haven't hung out much. i would also say that of the grandkids i am the closest one to my grandparents. long story short, my cousins made a lot of tik toks a lot of them bashing old people in particular old white people, that they can't wait for them to die so the country can make some actual progress. i showed it to my grandparents. my grandparents saw the tik toks and they were really upset, they had a phone call with my cousins (i don't know what was said, grandparents don't want to talk about it and cousins not close with) but my grandparents told me that if that's how they want to behave then they aren't getting a sent. my grandparents told me and my dad that i'll be the only grandkid getting an inheritance, some money will be going towards charity and my grandfather's best friend's kid. now my cousins hate me, they think i am the reason why they aren't getting an inheritance. i don't know what to say like? if you hate someone than no they aren't going to want to give you money. also they made these views public with tik tok, this wasn't some private conversation i leaked.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my grandparents are pretty successful my grandpa was a cardiologist and my grandma was an entrepreneur. my grandparents had three kids in total. i am not all that close with my cousins now, we used to be as kids but after high school we really haven't hung out much. i would also say that of the grandkids i am the closest one to my grandparents. long story short, my cousins made a lot of tik toks a lot of them bashing old people in particular old white people, that they can't wait for them to die so the country can make some actual progress. i showed it to my grandparents. my grandparents saw the tik toks and they were really upset, they had a phone call with my cousins (i don't know what was said, grandparents don't want to talk about it and cousins not close with) but my grandparents told me that if that's how they want to behave then they aren't getting a sent. my grandparents told me and my dad that i'll be the only grandkid getting an inheritance, some money will be going towards charity and my grandfather's best friend's kid. now my cousins hate me, they think i am the reason why they aren't getting an inheritance. i don't know what to say like? if you hate someone than no they aren't going to want to give you money. also they made these views public with tik tok, this wasn't some private conversation i leaked. [/INST] yta. you made it seem like your cousins were specifically making fun of your grandparents, when in reality they were not. a lot of people make jokes about the older conservatives dying off so change can happen. they probably didn’t mean any ill will towards their grandparents, and tik tok is not a platform that they would expect their grandparents to see. your grandparents probably wouldn’t get the joke either because it’s a gen z joke. you basically ratted out your cousins and made your grandparents think they said something specifically about them. why did you show it to your grandparents? just to cause drama and sever familial relationships? you’re obviously a kid, but yta this was so unnecessary. </s>
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AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a "game" with her tips?
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i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order.
i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away".
the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars.
i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job".
i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal.
later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser.
i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do.
aita?
| 23,175 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/she0ws/aita_for_tipping_our_waitress_20_dollars_despite/
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2022-01-31 22:19:38
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nta - so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse
then, then he has the absolute gal to say
“can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job”
what???
he is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job
jesus above
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nta. that kind of game isn't even remotely a good way to "ensure good service" it's a good way to fluster your server into making even more mistakes cause they're too hyper aware that they're being judged.
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nta. that kind of “game” is only played by rude folk who have no respect for those they deem “below” them.
that poor waitstaff didn’t deserve to be treated like trash because of her job, because she was new, because she’s *human* and not a perfectly functioning robot.
kindness is free.
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nta
you were terrific...although as soon as i saw the "the game" i would have just left. why waste time, energy and talk on a prick?
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nta. i wish that $20 in her hand wasn't the only thing you slapped that night.
good on you for doing the right thing.
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nta - his way of tipping is a dick move. i've heard of that before and if i was a waiter, i would be offended by this garbage and wouldn't wait on him. it's a horrible way to treat people.
mind you, we're still in the middle of a pandemic and things don't go right. restaurants are short staffed and not all food is available. she could "lose" tip money on things she cannot control. this is just bullshit. move on, lose that guy.
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nta - i'm glad you ditched the guy. that's just cruel!
"these people" who does this guy think he is!
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nta - if he is willing to treat a stranger with that much disrespect, how is he going to treat you?
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[removed]
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nta. bullet dodged with that guy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away". the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars. i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser. i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. i say what i want and gesture to him so he can order. he orders and then pulls what i think is about 15 dollars on the table. he says "this is your tip. everytime you mess up, i take some away". the waitress looked nervous immediately. i'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because i wasn't expecting this. she must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. he took away 13 dollars. i asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. he said it was the best way to ensure "good service". when i disagreed he said "cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". i decided then that i wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. i slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. later that night he had demanded to know why i had given her the tip despite her poor service and i told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. he said because of me she'll never improve her service and that i'm just a people pleaser. i blocked him, but i've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. aita? [/INST] nta - so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse then, then he has the absolute gal to say “can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job” what??? he is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job jesus above </s>
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AITA for leaving my friend at the airport?
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i (20f) and my friend, emma (f22) recently went on a trip to california. she asked if i wanted to go on the trip with her because we'd stay with one of her other friends (lena, 24f) and go sightseeing. i agreed, we booked our tickets, and she commuted to my city where we'd be taking off from and stayed the night. she told me her ticket back was a lot later in the day on the day we get back to the city, and i told her not to worry, she can stay with me and i'll take her to the station.
i told her specifically that i wanted to go see the golden gate bridge and the japanese tea garden. her friend's parents housed us at their house so we'd have more room and privacy, and she also picked us up from the airport, prepared gifts for us, and excitedly told us that she's so happy to have guests. we saw the bridge twice, the japanese tea garden, ghirardelli square, japan town, the pier, and tons more, and took tons of pictures. emma always asked if i wanted my picture taken in front of things, and offered to retake or take more photos if i was unhappy with them.
after the trip, someone had taken emma's carryon, which had everything she brought. when i grabbed mine, emma said, "op, my carryon isn't here", and i didn't really think much of it. it was a long flight, i was tired, and it was super early in the morning. she said that she wanted to try and find it before the person who took it left with it, and she hurried off. i didn't see her past customs, so i left to meet my boyfriend who was picking us up and left without her.
eventually, i messaged her and told her that she could find her own way back to the station. emma was confused and said that she was supposed to go back with me and my boyfriend since her train was later, and she was just waiting for flight staff to get her carryon back, and if i was leaving her there.
i asked her what she wanted me to do, run after her? she said that she just wanted a bit of understanding that she had her carryon taken, because everything she brought was in the bag and it was a stressful situation.
i snapped back and said that the trip we went on wasn't even to sightsee, it was just so she could see her friend, and she responded that we went to see everything i specifically wanted to see and more. further, emma said that lena hosted us well and drove us around the entire week we were there, housed us, her parents fed us breakfast in the mornings, and lena paid for all the gas, parking, and tolls. i can admit that i was a little passive-aggressive, but she went on to say that if my luggage was taken, she would be with me as support: i said well it's not my fault she lost her luggage.
emma hasn't spoken to me since, and has since removed me off everything. i don't think i was wrong, but aita?
| 6,830 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z9yadz/aita_for_leaving_my_friend_at_the_airport/
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2022-12-01 20:11:45
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yta. wow. so your friend hooked you up with free accommodation with what sounds like wonderful hosts, catered to your every demand the entire trip, and your way of thanking her is to not only have *zero* empathy for her lost luggage but to leave her at the airport?
you are a huge asshole. you owe her an apology and if i were her, i would accept it but still choose to cut you out of my life.
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yta. you're the embodiment of the saying "with friends like you, who needs enemies".
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yta
you didn't even bother to contact her to give her a chance to decide whether she wanted to keep looking or get a ride back.
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it sounds like you mostly got an expenses paid trip and decided that you couldn’t wait to take your friend home when her bag went missing? i’d apologize if i were you op. hard yta
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are you for real? if so yta massively. i can understand that she ran off ahead of you but you didn't even try to message her to see where she was or how you could help. you only messaged her 'eventually' after you got yourself a ride home and left her stranded at the airport. if a friend of mine did that to me after i'd taken them on a holiday with me i'd probably never speak to them again.
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yta. you're also very selfish, self absorbed and rude.
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op, are you really the one who left the friend at the airport? it sounds like emma wrote it and posed as you. the writer paints a really one-sided story here. yes, whoever left their friend at the airport struggling to locate a lost or stolen bag, without texting or waiting, was being an ah.
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i'm so confused. could you do a better job of explaining why you might not be ta? (yta)
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yeah, yta. her bag was taken / luggage lost, and you (who were her ride) just ditched her at the airport while she was trying to resolve it?
you aren't much of a friend.
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info are we sure emma didn’t write this?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) and my friend, emma (f22) recently went on a trip to california. she asked if i wanted to go on the trip with her because we'd stay with one of her other friends (lena, 24f) and go sightseeing. i agreed, we booked our tickets, and she commuted to my city where we'd be taking off from and stayed the night. she told me her ticket back was a lot later in the day on the day we get back to the city, and i told her not to worry, she can stay with me and i'll take her to the station. i told her specifically that i wanted to go see the golden gate bridge and the japanese tea garden. her friend's parents housed us at their house so we'd have more room and privacy, and she also picked us up from the airport, prepared gifts for us, and excitedly told us that she's so happy to have guests. we saw the bridge twice, the japanese tea garden, ghirardelli square, japan town, the pier, and tons more, and took tons of pictures. emma always asked if i wanted my picture taken in front of things, and offered to retake or take more photos if i was unhappy with them. after the trip, someone had taken emma's carryon, which had everything she brought. when i grabbed mine, emma said, "op, my carryon isn't here", and i didn't really think much of it. it was a long flight, i was tired, and it was super early in the morning. she said that she wanted to try and find it before the person who took it left with it, and she hurried off. i didn't see her past customs, so i left to meet my boyfriend who was picking us up and left without her. eventually, i messaged her and told her that she could find her own way back to the station. emma was confused and said that she was supposed to go back with me and my boyfriend since her train was later, and she was just waiting for flight staff to get her carryon back, and if i was leaving her there. i asked her what she wanted me to do, run after her? she said that she just wanted a bit of understanding that she had her carryon taken, because everything she brought was in the bag and it was a stressful situation. i snapped back and said that the trip we went on wasn't even to sightsee, it was just so she could see her friend, and she responded that we went to see everything i specifically wanted to see and more. further, emma said that lena hosted us well and drove us around the entire week we were there, housed us, her parents fed us breakfast in the mornings, and lena paid for all the gas, parking, and tolls. i can admit that i was a little passive-aggressive, but she went on to say that if my luggage was taken, she would be with me as support: i said well it's not my fault she lost her luggage. emma hasn't spoken to me since, and has since removed me off everything. i don't think i was wrong, but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) and my friend, emma (f22) recently went on a trip to california. she asked if i wanted to go on the trip with her because we'd stay with one of her other friends (lena, 24f) and go sightseeing. i agreed, we booked our tickets, and she commuted to my city where we'd be taking off from and stayed the night. she told me her ticket back was a lot later in the day on the day we get back to the city, and i told her not to worry, she can stay with me and i'll take her to the station. i told her specifically that i wanted to go see the golden gate bridge and the japanese tea garden. her friend's parents housed us at their house so we'd have more room and privacy, and she also picked us up from the airport, prepared gifts for us, and excitedly told us that she's so happy to have guests. we saw the bridge twice, the japanese tea garden, ghirardelli square, japan town, the pier, and tons more, and took tons of pictures. emma always asked if i wanted my picture taken in front of things, and offered to retake or take more photos if i was unhappy with them. after the trip, someone had taken emma's carryon, which had everything she brought. when i grabbed mine, emma said, "op, my carryon isn't here", and i didn't really think much of it. it was a long flight, i was tired, and it was super early in the morning. she said that she wanted to try and find it before the person who took it left with it, and she hurried off. i didn't see her past customs, so i left to meet my boyfriend who was picking us up and left without her. eventually, i messaged her and told her that she could find her own way back to the station. emma was confused and said that she was supposed to go back with me and my boyfriend since her train was later, and she was just waiting for flight staff to get her carryon back, and if i was leaving her there. i asked her what she wanted me to do, run after her? she said that she just wanted a bit of understanding that she had her carryon taken, because everything she brought was in the bag and it was a stressful situation. i snapped back and said that the trip we went on wasn't even to sightsee, it was just so she could see her friend, and she responded that we went to see everything i specifically wanted to see and more. further, emma said that lena hosted us well and drove us around the entire week we were there, housed us, her parents fed us breakfast in the mornings, and lena paid for all the gas, parking, and tolls. i can admit that i was a little passive-aggressive, but she went on to say that if my luggage was taken, she would be with me as support: i said well it's not my fault she lost her luggage. emma hasn't spoken to me since, and has since removed me off everything. i don't think i was wrong, but aita? [/INST] yta. wow. so your friend hooked you up with free accommodation with what sounds like wonderful hosts, catered to your every demand the entire trip, and your way of thanking her is to not only have *zero* empathy for her lost luggage but to leave her at the airport? you are a huge asshole. you owe her an apology and if i were her, i would accept it but still choose to cut you out of my life. </s>
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AITA for still going to my dental appointment after my husband tried to get me to reschedule?
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so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday.
my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend.
like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day.
he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off.
instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
| 25,983 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0bel6/aita_for_still_going_to_my_dental_appointment/
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2022-05-29 13:39:38
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nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry.
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nta
hes 33 with an injured knee, not 97 and on his deathbed. since your husband and terry are on the same side just give terry your ring, clearly your husband loves him more, jeez 😤
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nta and don't go home. "face the consequences"? these aren't the words of a husband, they're the words of a slave driver.
your husband, who should be supporting you, is acting like terry is the only important person in the house, aside from him, and you should put everything on hold to wait on terry hand-and-foot, while your own needs are of no consequence. terry, it appears, also thinks you are his servant. the fact that your husband berates you if terry is the least bit put out tells me he values terry much more than you.
apparently, the fact you were in incredible pain was of no matter to him, though i'll bet if it was his toothache, he would have gone to the dentist asap.
get a police escort to go to your home and get your things. and then, it's time to consider filing for divorce. you want nothing more to do with this man, or terry.
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nta. the complete lack of respect both of these men have for you is breathtaking. a grown man *tattling* about not being served fast enough? and your husband takes his side?
i know people hate the "reddit tells people to divorce" trope, but this situation shows such a fundamental lack of care or respect for you. it tells you everything about his character, and the character of someone he's chosen as his "best friend." i don't see how you come back from this.
by the way, severe tooth pain is an urgent issue. people have died from dental abscess complications. i don't know if that's what was going on with you, but your husband was literally willing to risk your health to make his asshole baby friend happy.
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nta your husband is.
he’s turned you into a carer for his buddy without asking and terry is a grown man that tattles on you for not doing more when you’re doing plenty.
he expects you to neglect your own physical health when you’re in pain to cater to his friend.
not gonna lie, when i read that the friend raised his voice and **told** you to go upstairs and cancel i got some second hand rage. who the fuck does this guy think he is?
you’ve been more than accommodating.
there’s an old saying: fish and guests start to stink after 3 days.
terry gotta go.
and your husband needs an attitude adjustment if he wants to stay married to you because his current approach seems intolerable.
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nta. stay with your mom, don’t go back.
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nta. he seems to be more worried about his friend than his wife....
does hubby's friend know he has two knees? he can use crutches and walk!
you're accommodating but you're not they're slave.
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nta! wth does terry think he is? he is a grown a$$ adult who should be able to be alone for a few hours. hubby and terry can figure it out on their own. i had ankle surgery and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks and i managed on my own for a few hours.
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nta your husband is. i get that he cares for his friend but really? to the expense of op's welfare?
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nta.
consequences??? you are not a child. sounds like your husband just became terry’s (unnecessary) full-time carer. you should relax at your mother’s house for a while. consider returning to your husband after a proper apology and agreement to an anti-terry plan.
your mom sounds great. husband and terry, not so much.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (f34) was having a horrible toothache, i'd taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. i scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday. my husband's (m37) best friend "terry" (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. my husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. i welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him. and if i take a long time to get something done he'd call my husband and basically "tell on me" which makes my husband mad. he says it's temporary and also since i'm home 24/7 and he is the working then i should help caring for his friend. it has became quite overwhelming because now i can't leave the house if my husband isn't there with his friend. like i stated previously about the dental appointment, i told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying i can't leave terry home alone. i suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn't work with such a short notice. he suggested that i reschedule but i said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day. he went to work early and i decided i was still going to go. terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. he asked where i was going and i told him to the dental appointment. he had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if i stepped a foot out the door. i took my mom and left. he ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til i turned my phone off. instead of returning home, i went to stay with my mom because i was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone. mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. he is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after i blind sided him and went against his wishes. [/INST] nta. sounds to me like you should continue staying with your mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner terry. </s>
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AITA for not taking off my shoes at a friends apartment?
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this may sound silly but my friend is being kinda weird about it. so i (f24) went to new friends (f22) apartment for the first time. it was a group hangout so there was 6 of us there. my new friend whose apartment it was, tiffany asked everyone to take their shoes off when they came in. she even had a special shoe rack by the door for peoples shoes. i was wearing stiletto and didn't have any socks on so i chose to keep them on. she asked me personally to take off my shoes, she wasn't rude about it but when i said id rather not she had a weird look on her face. she's asian and i know that it's a thing for them to take their shoes off in the house but i didn't grow up that way and wasn't comfortable being barefoot. i was the only one wearing shoes and i caught her and a few others looking at my shoes a few times. when i left the gathering two of my friends asked me why i didn't take my shoes off and said it was rude. i think they're being dramatic. am i the asshole?
| 6,823 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sxdksy/aita_for_not_taking_off_my_shoes_at_a_friends/
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2022-02-20 22:43:41
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yta
> but i didn't grow up that way
big fucking deal, its not your house. don't like the rule, leave.
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>she's asian and i know that it's a thing for them to take their shoes off in the house but i didn't grow up that way
yta, taking your shoes off is a thing anywhere. shoes are nasty and she specifically asked you to take them off
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yta- you violated her home and likely culture. we take shoes off here to keep the floors cleaner.
you owe her an apology.
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yta .. i don't understand how people wear shoes in the house. you could have stepped in shit. you are a guest so take off your dang shoes.
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yta
if you aren't willing to follow someone's reasonable request in their own home, you need to leave.
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yta
when in someone else’s home you respect their rules. shoes carry in dirt and germs from off the floors outside where animals (and gross people) may have pee’d, pooped, vomited, or sneezed, as well as causing increased wear and tear on flooring surfaces (especially stilettos, which tend to leave scratches on hard floors.)
many people aren’t fussed, which is fine, but if they are and make a point of asking you to remove your shoes in their house it’s basic human decency to do so.
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yta - many cultures don't wear shoes inside, including europeans. actually, outside of the u.s., i have never seen people wear shoes in their home. you are literally dragging dirt and germs from the street around her apartment and since you mentioned she's asian, some asian cultures believe this is bad luck. in fact, it is courteous to ask if you can even wear your shoes in people's homes and if they say no, then be respectful and take them off.
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yta and your friends were correct. it was very rude of you to do that. i imagine her floors were cleaner than your feet in your stilettos and you disrespected her home.
how would you feel if you said "no smoking in the house" and i just said, sorry i don't feel comfortable smoking outside and i just sit down and lit up a cigarette?
rude, disrespectful, and unhygienic.
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yta.
don't go to peoples homes if you want to do everything your way. stay in your own little entitled bubble.
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yta. if it had been me i would have asked you to leave. it’s not even about the shoes, it’s just straight up disrespectful to ignore the hosts requests twice
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this may sound silly but my friend is being kinda weird about it. so i (f24) went to new friends (f22) apartment for the first time. it was a group hangout so there was 6 of us there. my new friend whose apartment it was, tiffany asked everyone to take their shoes off when they came in. she even had a special shoe rack by the door for peoples shoes. i was wearing stiletto and didn't have any socks on so i chose to keep them on. she asked me personally to take off my shoes, she wasn't rude about it but when i said id rather not she had a weird look on her face. she's asian and i know that it's a thing for them to take their shoes off in the house but i didn't grow up that way and wasn't comfortable being barefoot. i was the only one wearing shoes and i caught her and a few others looking at my shoes a few times. when i left the gathering two of my friends asked me why i didn't take my shoes off and said it was rude. i think they're being dramatic. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this may sound silly but my friend is being kinda weird about it. so i (f24) went to new friends (f22) apartment for the first time. it was a group hangout so there was 6 of us there. my new friend whose apartment it was, tiffany asked everyone to take their shoes off when they came in. she even had a special shoe rack by the door for peoples shoes. i was wearing stiletto and didn't have any socks on so i chose to keep them on. she asked me personally to take off my shoes, she wasn't rude about it but when i said id rather not she had a weird look on her face. she's asian and i know that it's a thing for them to take their shoes off in the house but i didn't grow up that way and wasn't comfortable being barefoot. i was the only one wearing shoes and i caught her and a few others looking at my shoes a few times. when i left the gathering two of my friends asked me why i didn't take my shoes off and said it was rude. i think they're being dramatic. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta > but i didn't grow up that way big fucking deal, its not your house. don't like the rule, leave. </s>
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WIBTA if I tell my SIL her Infertility is because of her getting a IUD after having her son 6 years ago?
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so a little back info. my(28f) sil(25f) & brother(27m) have been together 10 years,married for 4. my sil(we’ll call her olivia) got pregnant early into their relationship, about 6 months. we’ve never really gotten along because she acts like she’s better than everyone, but it’s not for a lack of trying on my part. after she had her son she got a iud as to not have anymore children. my stance on birth control aside, she had it for about two years before they decided they wanted to try for a second. this was 4 years ago now. the reason i feel like telling her her iud is why she’s infertile, is because she seemed to have no trouble getting pregnant the first time. normally i wouldn’t even care. but i have 6 kids, 5 of which were born while my brother & sil have been together. everytime i’ve announced my pregnancies, she get this pitiful look on her face and excuses her self. my brother will check on her before the ultimately leave. this annoyed me as is, but i bit my tongue. however i’m planning to announce my 7th pregnancy at my brothers birthday part this weekend. i know she will make her show as always. but wibta if i just told her to suck it up, it’s not our fault she messed up her chances by getting a iud?
| 5,736 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slprzb/wibta_if_i_tell_my_sil_her_infertility_is_because/
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2022-02-06 06:19:56
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yta, for so many reasons.
first, the reasons behind her infertility are between her and her partner and her doctor. not you. not you with your degree from google medicine, lol.
also why the fuck are you announcing your pregnancy at your brothers birthday party knowing they're struggling with infertility? wtf is wrong with you?
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yta. iud doesn't cause someone to go completely infertile. in fact people can still get pregnant with a iud. i currently have a iud and absolutely love it.
edit to add info.
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you’d be both the arsehole and the stupidest person in the entire world.
please don’t have any more kids.
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yta. you've probably misinterpreted her look when you announce another pregnancy. it's more likely that she's disappointed someone so awful amd ignorant is reproducing again.
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yta like major asshole.
you're also incorrect.
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yta for announcing this on your brothers bday knowing how she feels. also for feeling you have the right to assume her medical information and tell her your opinion and also for just being petty. leave the woman alone!! nothing about this post is non asshole actually. grow up.
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yta.
your post kinda gives anti-choice anti-birth control fundie vibes. if i'm wrong in my assumptions, i'm sorry, but nobody should be shamed for getting contraception. ever.
also i'm not a doctor, but my gynecologist warned me that getting off your hormonal birth control increases fertility and sometimes they even prescribe 6 months on birth control to people who are trying.
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massive yta. iuds do not cause infertility. your disdain and lack of basic human empathy for your sil is frankly astonishing. you so not have science, morality, or basic human decency on your side. you are fortunate enough to not struggle with infertility. be thankful for that. why do you need to make your sil who is clearly suffering feel worse.
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yta
there is no reason to express this opinion to your sil. yes you don’t get along all that well, but would you yourself want to be so cruel? as part of a couple that has struggled to get pregnant in the past, it’s not a very nice experience, please don’t rub salt in her wounds, her heart is likely already broken.
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yta and you need to take a few classes on reproductive health
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so a little back info. my(28f) sil(25f) & brother(27m) have been together 10 years,married for 4. my sil(we’ll call her olivia) got pregnant early into their relationship, about 6 months. we’ve never really gotten along because she acts like she’s better than everyone, but it’s not for a lack of trying on my part. after she had her son she got a iud as to not have anymore children. my stance on birth control aside, she had it for about two years before they decided they wanted to try for a second. this was 4 years ago now. the reason i feel like telling her her iud is why she’s infertile, is because she seemed to have no trouble getting pregnant the first time. normally i wouldn’t even care. but i have 6 kids, 5 of which were born while my brother & sil have been together. everytime i’ve announced my pregnancies, she get this pitiful look on her face and excuses her self. my brother will check on her before the ultimately leave. this annoyed me as is, but i bit my tongue. however i’m planning to announce my 7th pregnancy at my brothers birthday part this weekend. i know she will make her show as always. but wibta if i just told her to suck it up, it’s not our fault she messed up her chances by getting a iud?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so a little back info. my(28f) sil(25f) & brother(27m) have been together 10 years,married for 4. my sil(we’ll call her olivia) got pregnant early into their relationship, about 6 months. we’ve never really gotten along because she acts like she’s better than everyone, but it’s not for a lack of trying on my part. after she had her son she got a iud as to not have anymore children. my stance on birth control aside, she had it for about two years before they decided they wanted to try for a second. this was 4 years ago now. the reason i feel like telling her her iud is why she’s infertile, is because she seemed to have no trouble getting pregnant the first time. normally i wouldn’t even care. but i have 6 kids, 5 of which were born while my brother & sil have been together. everytime i’ve announced my pregnancies, she get this pitiful look on her face and excuses her self. my brother will check on her before the ultimately leave. this annoyed me as is, but i bit my tongue. however i’m planning to announce my 7th pregnancy at my brothers birthday part this weekend. i know she will make her show as always. but wibta if i just told her to suck it up, it’s not our fault she messed up her chances by getting a iud? [/INST] yta, for so many reasons. first, the reasons behind her infertility are between her and her partner and her doctor. not you. not you with your degree from google medicine, lol. also why the fuck are you announcing your pregnancy at your brothers birthday party knowing they're struggling with infertility? wtf is wrong with you? </s>
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AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?
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to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it.
i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name.
i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition?
*update*
did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :)
as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao.
thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.
| 29,450 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh8f8j/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/
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2019-12-29 17:13:23
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nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying.
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nta
why the fuck should they care? if anything they should be proud that your fiance wants to take your name.
it is sexist, and it's ridiculous.
and if nothing else, it's your name, your fiance and your marriage.
do it. they'll get over it
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nta. what the fuck are the dudes in your family thinking even? it just makes no sense. give your fiancé your last name if that’s what you and him want.
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nta. fuck patriarchy. i wouldn’t give up my last name either.
do what makes you happy. your father and brother should be happy about sharing their family name.
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nta. fuck the patriarchy. i don’t understand why men get so weird over a fucking name.
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nta. it’s *your name* to pass on as you like. what a pile of misogynistic bullshit.
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nta you're correct that your father and brother are being sexist. there's no valid reason they could give that would make sense. if you were a single parent, you'd pass your family name on to your child. why should it be any different if you're married and you and your spouse agree? you're giving your future husband a beautiful gift. congratulations on the family the two of you are creating together.
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nta- this shit is so sexist, like you’re not also a part of the family that can carry the name??
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nta. it’s your name just as much as his. it’s also about to be 2020, how is he getting precious about who carries on the name? his opinion on your marriage doesn’t get a vote.
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nta - enjoy your marriage
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? *update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. he has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. i have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it. i brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. my brother found out before i could bring it up to him and called me, saying i was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. this got me irritated, because in my opinion, i have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. he and his wife have been married for over a year and i think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name. i think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. it's my last name too and if i want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. i have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. i don't feel like i'm being selfish here, but aita for breaking tradition? *update* did not expect this to blow up! my father and brother are amazing people and husbands—i think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. i’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and i believe they will understand. they are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :) as for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . when i originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. he’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao. thank you for all the encouragement! my fiancé and i will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough. [/INST] nta, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying. </s>
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AITA for letting my sister's dog be a dog?
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my sister (30) got herself a dog for her birthday in october. he's a large shelter dog. since she's single with no kids, she completely spoils this dog. i got nothing against it but a dog is a dog. she constantly makes excuses that she can't do this or that or this cause of the dog. for explain we signed up for a painting class. the class was from 3pm to 6pm. she didn't stay for the full class of she had to get home to her dog.
anyway last weekend, she needed to out of town for work. because it cost too much board him for two days, she asked if i would watch him and she would pay me monday. i said fine. the dog came with a long list of "instructions" which i thought was very pretentious.
\-no people food
\-don't leave him outside
\-plug in his heater for him at night
\-two walks, an hour of play
\-be sure a certain squealy toy was in his kennel at night
the list went on. again this a dog, not a baby. i put the dog in my back yard and pretty much forgot about him. i made sure he had plenty of food and water though. he mostly ran around, barked and dug a hole which i didn't mind. i even tossed him a couple bites of chicken which he loved.
my sister picked him up monday. i called her tuesday to ask about the money and she went off on me. somehow she found out i just left him out in the yard all weekend (i dunno how but i suspect a family friend told her), she said she wasn't paying me anything and i wasn't going to watch the dog ever again. she later sent me a copy of a vet bill cause of fleas. dogs get fleas.
i am refusing to pay cause her dog got to be a dog for a weekend.
aita
| 4,084 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s79e9r/aita_for_letting_my_sisters_dog_be_a_dog/
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2022-01-18 22:10:52
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yta you left a dog out for two days and nights when he is crate trained. you fed the dog people food. you specifically did things that your sister ask you not to do, by giving you the instructions. you do not have the right to dictate how she treats her dog as her dog is not neglected or mistreated. if you didn't want to follow her rules, you shouldn't have accepted the job. the dog got fleas from your yard that she now has to treat everything to get rid of them.
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yta
no one forced you to watch the dog. if you weren't going to do it the way she wanted, then you should have refused. at the very least, you shouldn't have left him outside the entire time, knowing how she feels about the dog.
how would you feel if you loaned someone your car, and they brought it back dirty, with trash inside, scratches on the seats, and put a lower grade fuel in it than you had instructed, simply because they thought you baby your car?
the dog is her property. you don't get to tell her how she should care for it. you don't have to like it, but it's really not your business.
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yta. none of those are unreasonable things to ask of a paid dog sitter. id be pissed too.
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yta. if you can't respect someone's rules, don't lie and say that you can.
you know why your sister didn't want her dog to be given "people food"? here's why:
* a lot of "people food" can make dogs sick. for some foods like onion and garlic, the effect builds up over time. so the dog might seem fine and then suddenly become very, very sick with something like organ failure which is expensive or impossible to treat.
* giving dogs "people food" teaches them to beg. your sister doesn't want her dog barking/whining at her every time she eats something.
* dog food is specially designed to meet the nutritional needs of dogs. if you feed them a bunch of random scraps, they might stop eating their dog food because they're no long hungry. then they can develop nutrient deficiencies. alternatively, they could be consuming a lot more calories than they need and become overweight which has serious health implications.
i can't believe i have to say this, but do you know why your sister didn't want you to just "leave the dog outside and forget about it", as you said you did? here's why:
* the dog could have escaped and been hit by a car.
* the dog could have eaten something toxic (many common plants are poisonous to dogs)
* the dog could have gotten injured
* the dog could have developed bad habits like barking continuously or digging. maybe you don't care, but maybe your sister wants her yard intact. or maybe she doesn't want to get evicted because her dog barks too much or lose her renter's deposit because of all the holes in the fence.
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yta. you made an agreement to watch the dog, and whether or not you explicitly said the words that included respecting your sister's care instructions. you don't like her rules, fine, then don't watch the dog.
also i'm not a dog owner but leaving the dog out in the yard all weekend without supervision/stimulation doesn't sound like the greatest plan to me.
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yta. please never get a dog.
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~~since she's single with no kids, she completely spoils this dog.~~ since she's a responsible and compassionate adult, she takes appropriate care of her pet. there, fixed it for you.
basically, you neglected your sister's beloved pet and treated him worse than when he was at the shelter. *and* you expected her to *pay* you it. be a better human, op, you're failing right now. yta
edited to say you should also pay the fucking bill for the flea treatment. what an ah.
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okay, so the heater? sure. but the other requests really don't seem that crazy. i find it very disturbing that you're just leaving this dog outside a whole weekend 'and pretty much forgot about him'. yeah dogs are animals, but they're domesticated animals, and they deserve the basic comforts of, you know, being indoors, unless they're breeds that really need to be outdoors most of the time. you even got him fleas, i mean, jfc dude.
look, feel free to disapprove of how your sister treats her dog, but when she asks you to take care of him in a certain way, especially when you're getting paid, just do as she asks or decline to do it in the first place. anything else is just disrespectful. yta
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>since she's single with no kids, she completely spoils this dog.
yta for also acting like only single people with no kids actually take care of their pets
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wait so your sister hired you to watch her dog and you just tied him up outside and are now refusing to pay for the consequences of it
yta for trying to scam your sister out of money for doing next to nothing when you should have been taking care of her dog
also pay for the fleas you let the dog pick up
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (30) got herself a dog for her birthday in october. he's a large shelter dog. since she's single with no kids, she completely spoils this dog. i got nothing against it but a dog is a dog. she constantly makes excuses that she can't do this or that or this cause of the dog. for explain we signed up for a painting class. the class was from 3pm to 6pm. she didn't stay for the full class of she had to get home to her dog. anyway last weekend, she needed to out of town for work. because it cost too much board him for two days, she asked if i would watch him and she would pay me monday. i said fine. the dog came with a long list of "instructions" which i thought was very pretentious. \-no people food \-don't leave him outside \-plug in his heater for him at night \-two walks, an hour of play \-be sure a certain squealy toy was in his kennel at night the list went on. again this a dog, not a baby. i put the dog in my back yard and pretty much forgot about him. i made sure he had plenty of food and water though. he mostly ran around, barked and dug a hole which i didn't mind. i even tossed him a couple bites of chicken which he loved. my sister picked him up monday. i called her tuesday to ask about the money and she went off on me. somehow she found out i just left him out in the yard all weekend (i dunno how but i suspect a family friend told her), she said she wasn't paying me anything and i wasn't going to watch the dog ever again. she later sent me a copy of a vet bill cause of fleas. dogs get fleas. i am refusing to pay cause her dog got to be a dog for a weekend. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (30) got herself a dog for her birthday in october. he's a large shelter dog. since she's single with no kids, she completely spoils this dog. i got nothing against it but a dog is a dog. she constantly makes excuses that she can't do this or that or this cause of the dog. for explain we signed up for a painting class. the class was from 3pm to 6pm. she didn't stay for the full class of she had to get home to her dog. anyway last weekend, she needed to out of town for work. because it cost too much board him for two days, she asked if i would watch him and she would pay me monday. i said fine. the dog came with a long list of "instructions" which i thought was very pretentious. \-no people food \-don't leave him outside \-plug in his heater for him at night \-two walks, an hour of play \-be sure a certain squealy toy was in his kennel at night the list went on. again this a dog, not a baby. i put the dog in my back yard and pretty much forgot about him. i made sure he had plenty of food and water though. he mostly ran around, barked and dug a hole which i didn't mind. i even tossed him a couple bites of chicken which he loved. my sister picked him up monday. i called her tuesday to ask about the money and she went off on me. somehow she found out i just left him out in the yard all weekend (i dunno how but i suspect a family friend told her), she said she wasn't paying me anything and i wasn't going to watch the dog ever again. she later sent me a copy of a vet bill cause of fleas. dogs get fleas. i am refusing to pay cause her dog got to be a dog for a weekend. aita [/INST] yta you left a dog out for two days and nights when he is crate trained. you fed the dog people food. you specifically did things that your sister ask you not to do, by giving you the instructions. you do not have the right to dictate how she treats her dog as her dog is not neglected or mistreated. if you didn't want to follow her rules, you shouldn't have accepted the job. the dog got fleas from your yard that she now has to treat everything to get rid of them. </s>
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AITA for leaving during my wife’s labor?
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my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins.
it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit.
around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for.
my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore.
he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation.
my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies.
i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave.
she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room.
i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well.
i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps.
i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down.
aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting.
my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now.
| 21,078 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7tiy9/aita_for_leaving_during_my_wifes_labor/
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2020-08-11 15:13:53
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yta
> i realized that i couldn’t help her here
yeah, you could. you could provide a comforting, supportive presence while she's *extremely scared and in pain*. instead, you abandoned her, which made everything even more stressful.
> and seeing the baby come out was overrated
it's not. there's a reason why people usually list the birth of their children as the most memorable moments in their lives. **and you missed it.**
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yta...god you may be the biggest ah of the week. your wife, the woman you vowed to stand by for the rest your life was having what could likely be the most traumatic experience of her life and instead of supporting her, you left her because you figured helping your dad was more important.
the second you get married, your nuclear family becomes your wife and any children you have. they should become your first priority and you've managed t abandon them all at a time when your wife needed you, and missed the birth of your children.
you'd be lucky if you ever get to see those kids. you need a reality check. it's unfortunate your wife doesn't want to divorce you, hopefully she changes her mind.
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yta.
there are no clients anywhere that would expect you to be at a presentation on the day of your wife’s giving birth. wtf?
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yta but your dad is the supreme asshole overlord. she should be mad at him too.
i don’t blame your wife for hating you right now. what a painful experience to go through alone.
you better do everything you can to make it up to her.
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yta what exactly did you think you were going to be doing there in the first place? catching the baby? you're sole purpose was moral support. you failed. she was scared. she was vulnerable. and you left her. your "responsibility" is to your wife and children. yes, your dad raised, provided, etc. but there's a reason the family you create because the priority over the family you came from. you even make it sound like it's somehow your wife's fault and that what was happening was somehow in her control. "she cut off my blood pressure and spewed vomit..." i can't tell if you were just misguided about the "beauty of child birth" or your just completely unsympathetic about how hard this was for your wife.
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yta. you never leave a women in birth. especially because she was giving birth to twins.
yta x 1000 for “it quickly turns into a painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed...” way to make it about you.
you expected your wife, a first time mom from what it seems, to naturally birth twins in a couple of hours?! what the hell?
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yta and a terrible husband. your wife made a huge mistake marrying and having a child with someone this far up his father’s ass.
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yta
man it's probably time for you to learn to stand up to daddy
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info:
are you married to your dad or to your wife?
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yta. i refuse to believe that someone could be so solipsistic and profoundly stupid.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins. it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit. around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for. my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore. he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation. my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies. i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave. she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room. i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well. i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps. i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down. aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting. my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife went into labor around 6 pm on sunday. we were expecting twins. it quickly turns into a very painful process she kept cutting off the blood pressure to my hand when she squeezed and nearly sprayed my shirt with vomit. around 3 am my dad calls. i work for my dad’s company and we had a presentation for clients monday morning that i had to get ready for. my dad heard my wife was in labor but told me he needed me on this presentation. he said there was nothing i could do to help my wife and delivery and seeing the baby come out was overrated and people don’t prepare your for the gore. he said he needed me to rest up and make myself presentable for the presentation. my wife’s labor was progressing very slowly and we were all certain she would need forceps or other assistance to deliver the babies. i realized that i couldn’t help her here, and my dad was counting on me, so i told her i needed to leave. she started screaming at me so loudly that a few nurses rushed over to our room. i ended up doing the presentation with the clients and things went well. i leave the office and see a text on my phone that said my wife delivered an hour ago at around 10:30 am and they had to use forceps. i would have missed the meeting had i stayed and my dad has given me everything he could possibly give me in life, so i didn’t want to let him down. aita? i had responsibilities i had to take care of and while my wife is still screaming at me saying that she was alone when they “ destroyed her body”, i’m the only one who works and her mom herself said that she was emotional and overreacting. my wife even went as far to say that her family would disown her if she was the first of them to divorce but that she doesn’t consider me her husband right now. [/INST] yta > i realized that i couldn’t help her here yeah, you could. you could provide a comforting, supportive presence while she's *extremely scared and in pain*. instead, you abandoned her, which made everything even more stressful. > and seeing the baby come out was overrated it's not. there's a reason why people usually list the birth of their children as the most memorable moments in their lives. **and you missed it.** </s>
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AITA For Not Punishing or Reporting Student
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i am a teacher. a parent sent me screenshots of her daughter's text messages. a student of mine who is a boy [13m] had texted a girl who is also my student [13f].
this was the conversation:
boy: hey, its "boy's name". i really like you.
girl: umm what do you mean?
boy: i have a crush on you. do you want to maybe date?
girl: no i don't like you sorry.
boy: oh ok
this was the extent of his pursuit of her. the mother said they are way too young to date and said that this was harrassment. she wanted me to punish or report the boy and remove him from the class.
i told her those demands are ridiculous, it wasn't harrassment because he accepted her saying no, and that its fairly common middle school stuff. she was pissed and said i need to do my job.
| 20,779 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l9aho0/aita_for_not_punishing_or_reporting_student/
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2021-01-31 11:22:36
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nta the only one doing any harassment here is the mom
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nta, i mean come on, who didn't ask each other out in their teens? the boy accepted the no, end of. if he kept pursuing, different story but still not sure what you as a teacher could do if it's out of school.
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nta, of course, but i feel for that girl. she has an over-protective mother that will kill any chance she has for a social life until she moves out.
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nta how can boys learn how to healthily communicate with girls and accept rejection when people like that mother treat them like criminals for even talking to a girl.
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nta.
mother should be thankful that a boy as young as he was mature enough to understand that "no" means no and to stop pursuing her. a lot of adult men haven't even reached that level of maturity yet.
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nta, this is not harassment. the male student accepted her response, which is actually pretty mature for his age. in the real world, people handle rejection or the discomfort of not returning somebody’s feelings, and move on. parent has overreacted.
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nta. he asked her out, politely even, and immediately backed off when told she wasn't interested. no pressuring or insults.
if anyone is guilty of harassment, it's the mother of the girl.
i would recommend documenting the incident, though. partly to protect yourself from retaliation, and to protect the boy as well. just in case the mother decides to escalate and accuse him of worse than just asking a girl out in a non-aggressive manner.
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are you really a teacher if you have to ask edgy teenagers on a public forum if you're a shit teacher for doing an utterly obvious choice?
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nta. how is that even considered harassment
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ask the parents to come to your office to have a chat about this.
offer them a glass of water and if you can find, some really disgusting snack.
they will probably take the glass of water, but when you offer them something they don't want and they say no, accept that.
and then ask them if there was any difference in the wording, replies and situation.
you offered, just as the boy offered, they declined, just as the girl declined. and he accepted it, just as you accepted them for not wanting your disgusting snack.
if they want to sue you for harrassment for picklejuice - so be it
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a teacher. a parent sent me screenshots of her daughter's text messages. a student of mine who is a boy [13m] had texted a girl who is also my student [13f]. this was the conversation: boy: hey, its "boy's name". i really like you. girl: umm what do you mean? boy: i have a crush on you. do you want to maybe date? girl: no i don't like you sorry. boy: oh ok this was the extent of his pursuit of her. the mother said they are way too young to date and said that this was harrassment. she wanted me to punish or report the boy and remove him from the class. i told her those demands are ridiculous, it wasn't harrassment because he accepted her saying no, and that its fairly common middle school stuff. she was pissed and said i need to do my job.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a teacher. a parent sent me screenshots of her daughter's text messages. a student of mine who is a boy [13m] had texted a girl who is also my student [13f]. this was the conversation: boy: hey, its "boy's name". i really like you. girl: umm what do you mean? boy: i have a crush on you. do you want to maybe date? girl: no i don't like you sorry. boy: oh ok this was the extent of his pursuit of her. the mother said they are way too young to date and said that this was harrassment. she wanted me to punish or report the boy and remove him from the class. i told her those demands are ridiculous, it wasn't harrassment because he accepted her saying no, and that its fairly common middle school stuff. she was pissed and said i need to do my job. [/INST] nta the only one doing any harassment here is the mom </s>
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AITA for not wanting to discuss my deceased sister?
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before i (19f) was born, my parents had another kid, hannah. when hannah was 8, she died due to an accident. i was born 2 years later.
growing up, she was constantly mentioned. we went to her grave multiple times a year, pictures were hung in our house, stories were told. i wouldn’t say it overshone me in anyway, i still got to be my own person, my parents never wanted me to be hannah and they celebrated my accomplishments. but still, she was always talked about and i was always told i had a sister, asked how i felt about her...and it took me years to admit to myself that i feel nothing for her. i never met her and due to her death, she’s always been made into this saint like figure, it’s like she’s this person i’ve watched documentaries about. i have respect for her...but i don’t consider her my sister. if others ask if i have siblings, i say no. now that i’m living on my own, i don’t visit hannah. i don’t display the pictures of her that my parents gave to me over the years. i’ve told a few close friends and my ex as i felt they had a right to know, but outside that...there’s nothing to discuss.
recently, my mom was talking about hannah, a lot. i’ve told her before i don’t want to talk about hannah anymore, but she doesn’t listen. the other day, she kept going on about a story i’ve heard a million times and i said “i thought i told you i was done talking about her.” my mom replied “she’s your sister” and i said “technically, maybe.” my mom got really offended and i pointed out we weren’t raised together. i don’t know her. i feel nothing for her. my mom started crying and called me heartless. she said that i don’t have to discuss hannah, but she’s not going to stop just because i want to pretend she never existed.
my dad has said what i said about hannah is near unforgivable and i need to re-evaluate my priorities. aita?
| 4,599 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1ejs3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_discuss_my_deceased_sister/
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2021-03-09 19:47:28
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yta.
i understand your view here, and i don't really think you are an asshole... but in this situation, it is you. you feel nothing for her, but your parents do. they raised her until she was in 2nd or 3rd grade and then she died. their baby died, dude. people say it is the worst possible thing to go through in your life. they need some way to get through it. so i totally understand how *you* might not feel anything for her yourself, but imo it isn't that hard to humor your parents a bit about their dead kid.
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nah
if you don't want to talk about her that's fine. imho it was kind of rude of your mom to keep talking about it after you've repeatedly told her that you do not want to talk about her. and it was probably frustrating just to have your parents stuck on and focused so far on the past. you deserve her full attention too and it's frustrating for you to have to share it with someone you never met.
and she's not going to stop talking about it. so you could just leave whenever she does it.
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nah. both sides are perfectly within their rights, it's just a shitty situation all around.
if it were me, i'd apologize for hurting their feelings but mention that i had my boundary. they're of course free to speak about her, but you're under no obligation to engage.
it's been a long, long time. my mother died young and it traumatized me, but i went through grief counseling and found healthy ways to speak about her with my family. i don't talk about her much to people who have never met her, regardless of their relation to her or myself.
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yta for expecting your parents to just stop with their deceased child.
they raised and loved her for 8 years then lost her.
that's fine if you don't want to talk about her. but you never ever get over the loss of your child.
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nah but you should at least try to be sympathetic to your parents, they didn’t just lose a child to a miscarriage - they knew your sister for 8 years, they had time to establish a bond with her, watch her grow and establish interests. they knew her, you didn’t, but they did. and then she was ripped from them far too soon.
you said that they never tried to turn you into hannah, which is great, it’s great that they saw past their own grief to recognize that you’re your own person, and that you’re not your sister.
but, you seem to be pretty cold to them when they want to talk about hannah. and i don’t think they’re talking about her to force you to “get to know” your sister, i think they’re really talking about her for themselves. they don’t want to forget her, so they’re doing their damn hardest to remember the child they lost - and they’re doing so while doing their best to keep their living child happy.
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nah. you don't have to talk about her, but your mom is allowed to if she wants.
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after flipping for a bit, i'd say yta. very slightly, since i get where you're coming from. but your mom lost a kid. you've lived with them for nearly 20 years. you know how much it hurts them. you can't stop your mom from talking about her, especially if, as you say, they haven't compared you to her. my grandmother lost a daughter and she never stopped speaking of her, and i can't imagine my wife ever telling her parents to stop mentioning her deceased older brother. it's just not done. apologize to your mom.
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nah. honestly i get where you’re coming from. you’ve never met her and you’ve heard the stories a million times. if your mom wants to talk to her i’m sure there’s plenty of family (including your dad) that she could talk to.
however, she’s pushing past boundaries you’ve put up. you’ve asked her not to discuss hannah with you and she’s refusing to see your side at all, even though you’ve seen hers for 19 years.
yes it sucks for them but there’s no real way you’d have an emotional connection to hannah when you weren’t even born when she passed. that’s perfectly normal.
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little bit yta. for one thing, she is indeed your sister, and saying she's not is pretty dismissive - remember, your parents' idea of who constitutes their family includes hannah, and a comment like yours tells them you don't care much about their perspective on this. second, while i understand that you might not want to hear about it all the time, it sounds like your folks have done a good job of treating you like your own person (as they should!) and you should treat them like people as well. they're sad in a way that can't go away. i think it's good to be nice to them about it. i agree with the poster above who said you should probably apologize to your parents.
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this reminds me of “maus” where the author’s younger brother died in the holocaust. his parents survived and had him, but they talked about his brother all the time and he said it was like having a ghost brother who was perfect and in a way, he kind of hated him.
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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NAH
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| null | 0.517608 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i (19f) was born, my parents had another kid, hannah. when hannah was 8, she died due to an accident. i was born 2 years later. growing up, she was constantly mentioned. we went to her grave multiple times a year, pictures were hung in our house, stories were told. i wouldn’t say it overshone me in anyway, i still got to be my own person, my parents never wanted me to be hannah and they celebrated my accomplishments. but still, she was always talked about and i was always told i had a sister, asked how i felt about her...and it took me years to admit to myself that i feel nothing for her. i never met her and due to her death, she’s always been made into this saint like figure, it’s like she’s this person i’ve watched documentaries about. i have respect for her...but i don’t consider her my sister. if others ask if i have siblings, i say no. now that i’m living on my own, i don’t visit hannah. i don’t display the pictures of her that my parents gave to me over the years. i’ve told a few close friends and my ex as i felt they had a right to know, but outside that...there’s nothing to discuss. recently, my mom was talking about hannah, a lot. i’ve told her before i don’t want to talk about hannah anymore, but she doesn’t listen. the other day, she kept going on about a story i’ve heard a million times and i said “i thought i told you i was done talking about her.” my mom replied “she’s your sister” and i said “technically, maybe.” my mom got really offended and i pointed out we weren’t raised together. i don’t know her. i feel nothing for her. my mom started crying and called me heartless. she said that i don’t have to discuss hannah, but she’s not going to stop just because i want to pretend she never existed. my dad has said what i said about hannah is near unforgivable and i need to re-evaluate my priorities. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i (19f) was born, my parents had another kid, hannah. when hannah was 8, she died due to an accident. i was born 2 years later. growing up, she was constantly mentioned. we went to her grave multiple times a year, pictures were hung in our house, stories were told. i wouldn’t say it overshone me in anyway, i still got to be my own person, my parents never wanted me to be hannah and they celebrated my accomplishments. but still, she was always talked about and i was always told i had a sister, asked how i felt about her...and it took me years to admit to myself that i feel nothing for her. i never met her and due to her death, she’s always been made into this saint like figure, it’s like she’s this person i’ve watched documentaries about. i have respect for her...but i don’t consider her my sister. if others ask if i have siblings, i say no. now that i’m living on my own, i don’t visit hannah. i don’t display the pictures of her that my parents gave to me over the years. i’ve told a few close friends and my ex as i felt they had a right to know, but outside that...there’s nothing to discuss. recently, my mom was talking about hannah, a lot. i’ve told her before i don’t want to talk about hannah anymore, but she doesn’t listen. the other day, she kept going on about a story i’ve heard a million times and i said “i thought i told you i was done talking about her.” my mom replied “she’s your sister” and i said “technically, maybe.” my mom got really offended and i pointed out we weren’t raised together. i don’t know her. i feel nothing for her. my mom started crying and called me heartless. she said that i don’t have to discuss hannah, but she’s not going to stop just because i want to pretend she never existed. my dad has said what i said about hannah is near unforgivable and i need to re-evaluate my priorities. aita? [/INST] yta. i understand your view here, and i don't really think you are an asshole... but in this situation, it is you. you feel nothing for her, but your parents do. they raised her until she was in 2nd or 3rd grade and then she died. their baby died, dude. people say it is the worst possible thing to go through in your life. they need some way to get through it. so i totally understand how *you* might not feel anything for her yourself, but imo it isn't that hard to humor your parents a bit about their dead kid. </s>
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AITA for laughing at my son's girlfriend when she asked me to pay her compensation for the money I spend on my other grandchild?
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i have two grandchildren. one is seven and the other is five. the seven year old is the child of my daughter and i do have more access to her, but despite what my son's girlfriend accuses me of, i do not have a favorite. the seven year old does beauty pageants. they are completely her choice, but she saw pictures from her mother and i doing them and begged to be in them. she also rides horses. combined this is very expensive and i pay for it all. i've offered and i am happy to do so.
my son's girlfriend is morally opposed to pageants and afraid of horses. her daughter has asked to do what her cousin does but isn't allowed to. she does tee ball and music lessons, which i also pay for but they are significantly cheaper than what the seven year old does. the other day my son's girlfriend brought up this "favoritism" i said it isn't favoritism, because i pay for two activities for both of them. she said it is going to give her daughter a "complex" so i need to even the money off and put the rest in a savings account. my husband and i laughed because that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard, and she stormed out of the house. my son actually said i should post this because he is conflicted (afraid of her). so am i the asshole?
| 21,910 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlsaln/aita_for_laughing_at_my_sons_girlfriend_when_she/
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2020-07-05 19:14:32
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nta. this woman is delusional. your granddaughter needs loving grandparents who are active in her life - not your money. and your son needs to put his foot down and tell his girlfriend to knock off her shit.
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nta.
it is very generous of you to pay for your grandchildren’s activities. paying for the same numbers of activities is fair. it is not your decision which activities the kids are participating in. and the child who is in less expensive activities will only get a complex if her parents tell her about the $$ discrepancy; otherwise, she’ll never know that her cousin’s things cost more.
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absolutely nta. your son’s girlfriend sounds really entitled. she should be grateful that you are paying for the tee ball and music lessons.
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nta
> she said it is going to give her daughter a "complex" so i need to even the money off and put the rest in a savings account.
her daughter does not understand that the activities she is participating in cost significantly less than her cousin's activities.
i would say maybe you shouldn't stick to "two activities for both of them" being what makes it equal. if the granddaughter with the cheaper activities wanted to pick up a third activity, would you pay for that?
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nta. my explanation would be "if the 7yo grandchild got ill and we paid for their medical costs, would you expect the same amount given to your healthy child?"
i wonder how a 5yo could develop a "complex" when they barely understand what money is anyway. i will refrain from comment on what i think about the son's gf.
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title is a little misleading unless “compensation” is the exact wording she used. my own parents drastically spent more on my brothers children than mine. though i’ve never asked them to put money in a savings account to make up the difference, it has bothered me and it has affected my relationship with them. my children have picked up on it.
she handled the situation poorly. it is your money to spend with how you choose. i suggest you recognize what kind of relationship you want to have and consider the feelings of everyone involved including the youngest ones because they will know and remember this for sure. kids are smarter than many people realize. laughing at the idea of asking for fairness, whether perceived fairness or reality fairness seems harsh (is this why she left?) esh.
edit clarification and spelling.
another
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i don't think this is a problem now. but i do think it could be a problem in the future at some point. eventually, your grandchild is going to figure out that you're spending much more money on the other side of the family than on them (even if it's just a matter of paying for what the kids have asked to do). it could be when they are 10, it could be when they are 30. but given your daughter-in-law's attitude, i'm guessing it's going to be sooner than later as she tries to sway the opinion of your grandchild against you. and depending on the type of person your grandchild turns out to be, it could either be a non-issue or a massive point of contention.
that said, i would absolutely not hand over any loose cash to the daughter-in-law. at that point, you lose any and all accountability for how that money is spent.
one possible option, depending on your means, is to start college funds for both of the grandkids (if you haven't already), and then if you spend more on one over the course of the year, you can stick a bit extra in the college fund of the other. it doesn't need to be exactly equal, just enough that shows you acknowledge there is an imbalance there.
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i am shocked by the overwhelming amount of support on this post so just thought my perspective would be helpful as a grandchild who grew up in a similar situation. i think it is great that you are supporting your grandchildren's activities financially, but i think the argument that you are paying for the same amount of activities for each child is flawed. to give an example, for christmas one year my grandma bought my cousins american girl dolls ($100+) and bought me and my sister dollar store goodie bags containing a jump rope, pencils, stickers, ect. while our cousins received only one item and we received 3+ items, there was a clear imbalance (i.e. i don't think the amount of activities you're paying for is relevent).
also we didn't need our mom to tell us that it was unfair money wise, as small children we were not stupid and already knew. so i don't think your son's girlfriend needs to tell her daughter, she can already see the imbalance when she hangs out with her cousin.
in my case, i no longer have a relationship with my grandparents. it was not solely based on the gifts of course, but that favoritism bled into many other areas of my life. i'm sure you have all good intentions but i hope you look at it from your granddaughter's perspective rather than from your son's girlfriend's.
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nta from what you've said. it's up to the parent to decide what their child can and can't do. however i can't go over the fact you refer to the 7yo as your daughter's child, but the 5yo is your son's girlfriend's daughter? is your son a step-parent?
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esh except the kids.
mom is entitled and sounds rude, angry, overbearing.
dad is spineless and can't stand up to wife, won't stick up for wife, and perhaps won't even stick up for daughter.
grandma and grandpa apparently laugh at the concerns the mom has, and have blinders on regarding favoritism.
if two kids get a gift, one of which is huge and the other is ordinary, it's not fair even if it's same number of gifts.
do what you want but it's a jerk move.
example: one kids gets a hand me down beater at 16 and the other a brand new bmw.
well hey both got cars...
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have two grandchildren. one is seven and the other is five. the seven year old is the child of my daughter and i do have more access to her, but despite what my son's girlfriend accuses me of, i do not have a favorite. the seven year old does beauty pageants. they are completely her choice, but she saw pictures from her mother and i doing them and begged to be in them. she also rides horses. combined this is very expensive and i pay for it all. i've offered and i am happy to do so. my son's girlfriend is morally opposed to pageants and afraid of horses. her daughter has asked to do what her cousin does but isn't allowed to. she does tee ball and music lessons, which i also pay for but they are significantly cheaper than what the seven year old does. the other day my son's girlfriend brought up this "favoritism" i said it isn't favoritism, because i pay for two activities for both of them. she said it is going to give her daughter a "complex" so i need to even the money off and put the rest in a savings account. my husband and i laughed because that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard, and she stormed out of the house. my son actually said i should post this because he is conflicted (afraid of her). so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have two grandchildren. one is seven and the other is five. the seven year old is the child of my daughter and i do have more access to her, but despite what my son's girlfriend accuses me of, i do not have a favorite. the seven year old does beauty pageants. they are completely her choice, but she saw pictures from her mother and i doing them and begged to be in them. she also rides horses. combined this is very expensive and i pay for it all. i've offered and i am happy to do so. my son's girlfriend is morally opposed to pageants and afraid of horses. her daughter has asked to do what her cousin does but isn't allowed to. she does tee ball and music lessons, which i also pay for but they are significantly cheaper than what the seven year old does. the other day my son's girlfriend brought up this "favoritism" i said it isn't favoritism, because i pay for two activities for both of them. she said it is going to give her daughter a "complex" so i need to even the money off and put the rest in a savings account. my husband and i laughed because that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard, and she stormed out of the house. my son actually said i should post this because he is conflicted (afraid of her). so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. this woman is delusional. your granddaughter needs loving grandparents who are active in her life - not your money. and your son needs to put his foot down and tell his girlfriend to knock off her shit. </s>
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AITA for forcing my vegan daughter to cook meat?
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my daughter (16f) has been vegan for about a year. me, my husband and her brother (14m) have tried to be as supportive as possible.
we aren't a family that eats meat daily, so it wasn't that hard for me to accommodate her. when i do cook meat, i also make something else for her and keep the side dishes common for all. she does have some seperate dishes, but most are common and i clean it if i have to cook for her.
few months into the vegan lifestyle, she tried to convince us to go vegan and would get increasingly angry when we said no. me and husband shut that behaviour down hard and told her that she can follow whatever diet she wanted, but she cannot expect others to. she sulked for a while, but stopped doing that.
last weekend, i cooked the family a big pot of chilli (a small vegan one and a large beef one), so that i can refrigerate it and use for the next week. next day, i found the fridge empty of both the chilli and turns out, my daughter decided that we were are being too callous about meat. she felt the smell was "too much" when she opened the fridge door and that she can't anything from the fridge after that without gagging or puking. she told me that i need to throw out all the vegan food in the fridge and restock them.
me and my husband were livid. wasting food is never okay with us and that was a lot of food. i told her i am going to continue using the vegan products in the fridge and she can either eat it or not, but i am not wasting food. that whole week she kept making faces at dinner while she ate.
as a punishment, i gave her the recipe and told her she needs to buy them and cook it next weekend. she yelled and begged, but i stood firm. in the end, she did it.
when the cooking was finished, i told her that wasting food is never okay in this house and pointed out that instead of x amount of meat being used, 2x amount of meat (since this seems to be confusing. i meant as in x amount in the pot she wasted + x amount in the new one. i didn't purposefully make her put more than what was used previously) was used because she threw the food away.
now, she started crying and yelling at me about how awful and disgusting i was because i not only forced her buy meat (which she is very much against), i also forced her to cook it and now i am also telling her that it was her fault.
she is really upset about this. so, i am wondering if i went too far. should i have picked a different punishment? my husband and brother definitely think what i did was right while my parents thinks i was in the wrong.
i thought i will put it to a vote. aita?
| 21,653 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ij7etm/aita_for_forcing_my_vegan_daughter_to_cook_meat/
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2020-08-30 05:16:54
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nta. it's like "you break it, you bought it"... she ruined your chili; she is responsible for making it right.
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nta. i am a vegan too and while i agree with your daughter’s lifestyle choice i do not agree with her approach in trying to recruit others. this is a personal choice and she shouldn’t have thrown away your food. sounds to me like you go out of your way to accommodate her.
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nta. she needs to understand that not everything can go her way in life and that actions have consequences. she shouldn’t feel like she has that kind of authority or place to try to tell her parents what to do, let alone take it upon herself to throw out your food. it’s like having a 3 year old’s problem solving complex in a 16 year old’s body by throwing fits and whining to try to get their way or thinking they can do things without consequences. everyone has to learn it at some point.
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nta - a punishment should fit the crime. that is exactly what happened here. she threw away an entire pot of food because she didn’t like the smell. replacing that food, both through purchase and preparation is a fitting punishment. if she feels bad that twice as much meat was purchased and cooked because of her actions, that’s because it’s true. hopefully this will keep her from getting kicked out of apartment with roommates later in life, because she’s unlikely to throw away people’s food again just because she doesn’t approve of it.
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nta. your daughter is old enough to know better than to waste food like that. the only alternative punishment to consider would be to tell her fine all the contaminated food can be replaced but she has to pay for all of it since she is the one having the issue.
you have been making reasonable accommodations for her dietary change that is self imposed. if you wanted to take it a step further you can tell her to buy a dorm size fridge for her room so her food doesn’t have to be stored in the main fridge where you have animal products. but i would also tell her that it would become her responsibility to make her own food since you will not go back and forth to her room while making meals.
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nta i am vegan, and your daughter was in the wrong here. you have respected and accommodated her choice, she needs to respect yours, and wasting food is never ok.
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nta.
one of the most important lessons to learn in life, is that one must fix ones own mistakes.
she destroyed your food. that means it's her responsibility to replace it. making her purchase the ingredients and prepare the food is exactly what she should do to fix it.
you didn't go too far. you went exactly as far as she should.
if she is crying, remind her that she may make whatever choices she wants for herself but that never gives her the right to destroy other people's property. if the smell of other people's food is too much for her, encourage her to buy her own mini-fridge and keep her food in that. but she needs to understand that living in a house / living with people means respecting those people and their choices. if she wants to do a unique diet for herself that's fine, but nobody else is under any obligation to change their own behavior in support.
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i’m actually going to say esh because forcing someone who is against eating meat to cook it is absolutely disgusting in my opinion and i’m a meat eater and trust me i could finish a rack of ribs in one sitting but seriously that’s fucked to force her to cook meat. i’m at a loss for words as to how you decided to force her to go against everything she stands for, what a terrible person you are. as for her, she can’t throw away other people’s food and force her lifestyle onto other just as you shouldn’t force yours onto her. throwing away all the food in the fridge is also awful for reasons that i feel are too obvious to mention, but yeah, definitely esh but the harder ah goes to op
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[deleted]
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mild esh for making her cook meat in some weird twisted lesson. you could have punished her for the food waste in other ways.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (16f) has been vegan for about a year. me, my husband and her brother (14m) have tried to be as supportive as possible. we aren't a family that eats meat daily, so it wasn't that hard for me to accommodate her. when i do cook meat, i also make something else for her and keep the side dishes common for all. she does have some seperate dishes, but most are common and i clean it if i have to cook for her. few months into the vegan lifestyle, she tried to convince us to go vegan and would get increasingly angry when we said no. me and husband shut that behaviour down hard and told her that she can follow whatever diet she wanted, but she cannot expect others to. she sulked for a while, but stopped doing that. last weekend, i cooked the family a big pot of chilli (a small vegan one and a large beef one), so that i can refrigerate it and use for the next week. next day, i found the fridge empty of both the chilli and turns out, my daughter decided that we were are being too callous about meat. she felt the smell was "too much" when she opened the fridge door and that she can't anything from the fridge after that without gagging or puking. she told me that i need to throw out all the vegan food in the fridge and restock them. me and my husband were livid. wasting food is never okay with us and that was a lot of food. i told her i am going to continue using the vegan products in the fridge and she can either eat it or not, but i am not wasting food. that whole week she kept making faces at dinner while she ate. as a punishment, i gave her the recipe and told her she needs to buy them and cook it next weekend. she yelled and begged, but i stood firm. in the end, she did it. when the cooking was finished, i told her that wasting food is never okay in this house and pointed out that instead of x amount of meat being used, 2x amount of meat (since this seems to be confusing. i meant as in x amount in the pot she wasted + x amount in the new one. i didn't purposefully make her put more than what was used previously) was used because she threw the food away. now, she started crying and yelling at me about how awful and disgusting i was because i not only forced her buy meat (which she is very much against), i also forced her to cook it and now i am also telling her that it was her fault. she is really upset about this. so, i am wondering if i went too far. should i have picked a different punishment? my husband and brother definitely think what i did was right while my parents thinks i was in the wrong. i thought i will put it to a vote. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (16f) has been vegan for about a year. me, my husband and her brother (14m) have tried to be as supportive as possible. we aren't a family that eats meat daily, so it wasn't that hard for me to accommodate her. when i do cook meat, i also make something else for her and keep the side dishes common for all. she does have some seperate dishes, but most are common and i clean it if i have to cook for her. few months into the vegan lifestyle, she tried to convince us to go vegan and would get increasingly angry when we said no. me and husband shut that behaviour down hard and told her that she can follow whatever diet she wanted, but she cannot expect others to. she sulked for a while, but stopped doing that. last weekend, i cooked the family a big pot of chilli (a small vegan one and a large beef one), so that i can refrigerate it and use for the next week. next day, i found the fridge empty of both the chilli and turns out, my daughter decided that we were are being too callous about meat. she felt the smell was "too much" when she opened the fridge door and that she can't anything from the fridge after that without gagging or puking. she told me that i need to throw out all the vegan food in the fridge and restock them. me and my husband were livid. wasting food is never okay with us and that was a lot of food. i told her i am going to continue using the vegan products in the fridge and she can either eat it or not, but i am not wasting food. that whole week she kept making faces at dinner while she ate. as a punishment, i gave her the recipe and told her she needs to buy them and cook it next weekend. she yelled and begged, but i stood firm. in the end, she did it. when the cooking was finished, i told her that wasting food is never okay in this house and pointed out that instead of x amount of meat being used, 2x amount of meat (since this seems to be confusing. i meant as in x amount in the pot she wasted + x amount in the new one. i didn't purposefully make her put more than what was used previously) was used because she threw the food away. now, she started crying and yelling at me about how awful and disgusting i was because i not only forced her buy meat (which she is very much against), i also forced her to cook it and now i am also telling her that it was her fault. she is really upset about this. so, i am wondering if i went too far. should i have picked a different punishment? my husband and brother definitely think what i did was right while my parents thinks i was in the wrong. i thought i will put it to a vote. aita? [/INST] nta. it's like "you break it, you bought it"... she ruined your chili; she is responsible for making it right. </s>
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AITA for blowing up on my fiancé infront of his family for getting my daughter's cat out of the house?
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i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly.
anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married.
few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him.
he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him.
he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting.
aita for blowing up on him infront of his family?
here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
| 25,545 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vi3s1v/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_fiancé_infront_of_his/
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2022-06-22 12:12:04
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nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter)
i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point.
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nta. and this relationship needs to end.
1. he thinks he can control you and your daughter, and it is his right.
2. he has no problem hurting your daughter.
3. he has no problem endangering the life of an animal.
4. he lied to you, and you would know the truth without the cameras. that means that you can't trust him.
5. he gaslit you in front of his family, pretending what he did wasn't as bad as it was.
6. he knows that he is wrong, but doesn't care. he rather get his way. if what he did wasn't wrong, them why hide it from his family?
7. the silence has a reason: it's the beginning of coercive control. withhold everything to put yourself in a position of power and force the other person into negotiating. don't fall for it!!!
8. "this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married" is code for this is the "white claw" level of abuse, when we get married the "grain alcohol with a funnel" level of abuse will start.
maybe he stopped calling, because he knows that he can't easily control both of you. that is a blessing.if you continue with this man, you will be unhappy and it will negatively impact your relationship with your daughter.
i do find it interesting that you came over to his family's home with flames coming out of your nose, and their response was not to tell you to calm down or leave or question your behavior. instead, they asked you what he did and took your side. that usually only happens when a family already knows he is an a-hole by his countless actions. take the lesson here.
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nta
what he did is horrible.
but what it says about him is way worse. he doesn't just lack empathy, but also respect for you and your daughter and integrety.
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his house too? really? he moved in and now makes all the rules? how much do you value this controlling relationship. this man is going to get worse and more demanding. set your boundaries and toss this person to the roadside. you and your daughter will be much happier in the long run.
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nta just break up with him and move on. he's not a good person.
also, i am tickled by the picture of the cat with lol surprise! behind it. i bet he was lol surprised when you showed up at his family's place to call him out on his bullshit.
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i think he an abusive ah who waited until he was moved in and embedded before showing his true colours.
the fact that his family went off at him as well is very telling.
this is only the tip of the iceberg. there is no future here.
nta.
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op. holy shit. i cannot emphasize this enough. for your sake. for your daughter sake **do not marry this man**. make him move out. immediately. end this relationship.
nta. don't let him around the cat unsupervised.
he is cold, calculating, and cruel. this is not a man you want to marry.
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op, nta.
1) change your locks.
2) pack his crap in one big box and tape your ring to the top of it.
3) put said box at the end of the driveway for him to pick up.
4) hug your daughter, give the cat some scritches, and go on with your life.
5) give your neighbor a nice thank you gift for rescuing the cat! (thank you u/icepudding for pointing that out!)
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i’ve seen the cat, the man should be composted.
nta
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cancel the engagement and get rid of him. if he's willing to dump someone's pet, who knows what else he might do?
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f35 got engaged to my fiancé eric m37 2 months ago. he moved in with me and my daughter zoey f13. everything was going well til he started complaining about zoey's cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so i had no idea what the issue was exactly. anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. he gave zoey a list of places the cat can/can't go, things she's "allowed" to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa (zoey's favorite place to cuddle with her cat). zoey showed me this list and i had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous. he ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married. few days ago, i was at work and got a call from zoey crying saying her cat wasn't in her room and in the house. i freaked out too and went home to look for her. zoey and i looked for 2 hrs before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving. i was surprised and quite angry. zoey took her cat and went back inside. i immediately drove to my future inlaws home where eric said he'd be. the second i saw him sitting with his family i went off and blew up at him infront of everyone. his mom asked what was happening and i told her her son got my daughter's indoor cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost. he argued about wanting me yo stop spouting nonesense and go home and we'd talk there but i refused. it got worse and i ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him. he sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt i pulled infront of his family. he said that he didn't mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams i confirmed it. he still insisted that i humiliated him infront of his family and tried to turn them against him. he's been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting. aita for blowing up on him infront of his family? here's some cat tax https://imgur.com/a/louovch [/INST] nta... but if you stay engaged to him, you will be. (towards your daughter) i hope he's your ex-fiancé, at this point. </s>
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AITA for not telling my cousin my fiance works at the same office as her husband?
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first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here.
i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk.
i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet)
kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left.
literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita?
| 26,800 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6t4aq/aita_for_not_telling_my_cousin_my_fiance_works_at/
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2022-06-07 11:38:17
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nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait.
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nta
kat is embarrassed and also annoyed she can’t brag and one up you so she’s telling you off as a way to clambour back power over you. stand your ground and don’t apologise. you can say “i understand you’re embarrassed but i didn’t do anything wrong. if you didn’t talk down to people this would never be an issue”. ignore all the whinging and people she enlists to complain on her behalf. they are all wrong.
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nta
had you said something at the moment then she would have looked bad in front of everyone.
you kept to yourself.
however, i do think your fiancé shouldn't have said that in the office if you didn't bother saying it before. at the office he's his boss and he won't say anything back. at the party you were all equal. so either say something there or don't so something later at the office.
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nta.
>henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments.
she could have just not made the comments at all and been a decent person regardless of the work relationship. maybe she should take that as a lesson about what she says.
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nta.
man, you need to go full nice-b here.
*kat, honey, chris is a private kind of guy, he doesn't like a big fuss. and besides, you were being **so lovely** in offering to help with the wedding, and you're so happy about being able to! i wasn't about to rain on your parade! you be proud of your man, babe! he's done so well! and you're so cute when you're bragging about him! don't you dare be embarrassed because you wanted to do something nice for someone you love!*
now you know and she knows that it was all about tearing you down... but if you pretend you thought she was all cupcakes and sugar, she's left without a leg to stand on. 🤷♂️
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nta. k and h did a perfectly good job of looking bad all by themselves without any help
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nta if she feels the comments magically became inappropriate because they were directed to her husband's boss then they were inappropriate to begin with. she needs to stand by her shit or stop doing it.
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[removed]
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nta. you handled it privately instead of in public. you're a much better person than most of the people on here.
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kat and chris are tas
it sounded like kat was the one bragging about the salary, not henry. chris could have mentioned at the family party that he worked at the same place as henry, but he didnt. and again, it was kat who made the catty comment to op about helping to pay for the wedding.
where chris elevates to ah level is shaming henry in the workplace, using his position of authority. henry was never the one boasting or acting the jerk, so it seems unfair for chris to take it out on him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita? [/INST] nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait. </s>
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AITA I am not letting my daughter eat too much cheese
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my(37m) 12 yo daughter is very picky. she likes cheese on everything. she's not overweight but it's obviously not good for her health to eat cheese on everything. weight isn't everything and blood cholestrol shoots up easily.
so i decided to stop giving her cheese in any form except for twice a week and then reduce it to once a week. i've been giving her only complex carbs and vegetables. i enrolled her into the sport she likes the most, boxing.
she often asks me if she can have cheese an extra time a week but i refuse and give her something else. i think she liked the creamy texture so i've been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she's happy with it.
my wife however told me that i'm forcing my daughter to give up something she loves eating. i told her what she loves isn't that good for her besides, i'm not cutting it out completely from her diet. i'm just minimizing it.
my wife is mad at me and isn't talking to me for the past 4 days.
aita?
| 3,457 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qadzpu/aita_i_am_not_letting_my_daughter_eat_too_much/
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2021-10-18 03:04:03
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yta. preventing kids from having foods they like can cause them to develop an eating disorder. or at the very least unhealthy relationships with food.
> i've been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she's happy with it.
dear god, vegan cheese is so much more unhealthy. often far more saturated fat, full of preservatives, reduced b12, chemicals to emulate the texture of cheese, etc. it's basically cheese-flavored plastic. for all utensil purposes, this decision is the worst of all.
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yta. not only are you giving your daughter a food complex, but of all the food in the world *cheese* is hardly the worst thing. it's actually an excellent source of protein and calcium (great for growing muscles and bones). you say she eats mostly vegetables and exercises regularly, so as long as she's doing that and her doctor doesn't think anything's wrong then i don't think a little extra cheese is going to kill her.
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yta: my god, this is how you start giving your child body image issues and an eating disorder. unless she is lactose and only eating blocks of cheese, let her eat the cheese. if her *doctor* says to cut back by all means, but going from every day to once a week because you're scared of "cholesterol" in your 12 is bizarre. your wife has every right not to speak with you. plus given by what you say (and im not a doctor or therapist) but you might consider seeing if she potentially is on the spectrum as extreme picky eating and her obsession sounds like she could be neurodivergent and cheese could be her safe food. again not a doctor but it's something to consider.
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yta.
she’s 12 and you’re worried about her cholesterol? come on, man. she is clearly active, you said she’s not overweight. let your daughter eat what she wants. you are definitely the ah.
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info: where did you get the idea that cheese is that bad for a 12 year old's diet?
not rhetorical; i truly want to know if you have this from a reputable nutritionist or pediatrician, or if it's just an opinion you developed from conversations with other laypeople, or if you don't even know where this notion came from.
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yta. and likely setting your daughter up for an eating disorder. chat with her pediatrician if you’re concerned.
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yta. twice a week on cheese? she's 12 and you're giving someone a complex, *over cheese*? why? she likes the stuff.
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yta- bro it's cheese it's not like she has a sugar problem, or fast food, it's cheese what most parents would consider a healthier snack or a tasty thing to put into your dish, however whenever you treat something innocent like cheese this bad you can develop an eating disorder in them, inknow several people like that
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should she eat cheese with every meal? no, probably not. should she go from eating cheese multiple times a day to twice a week? nah that’s not it either. cheese has calcium and protein and isn’t an extremely unhealthy food. get her the kind of cheese that doesn’t have a high sodium content like fresh mozzarella and let her live her life. yta.
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going off your post and comments, yta. my mom limited my diet for years and enrolled me in boxing for years to keep my weight at a number she felt comfortable with. i also quite like cheese and would eat it with everything if i could. now i have issues with eating as it makes me feel grossly guilty and even thinking about having to eat in front of her makes me feel gross.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(37m) 12 yo daughter is very picky. she likes cheese on everything. she's not overweight but it's obviously not good for her health to eat cheese on everything. weight isn't everything and blood cholestrol shoots up easily. so i decided to stop giving her cheese in any form except for twice a week and then reduce it to once a week. i've been giving her only complex carbs and vegetables. i enrolled her into the sport she likes the most, boxing. she often asks me if she can have cheese an extra time a week but i refuse and give her something else. i think she liked the creamy texture so i've been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she's happy with it. my wife however told me that i'm forcing my daughter to give up something she loves eating. i told her what she loves isn't that good for her besides, i'm not cutting it out completely from her diet. i'm just minimizing it. my wife is mad at me and isn't talking to me for the past 4 days. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(37m) 12 yo daughter is very picky. she likes cheese on everything. she's not overweight but it's obviously not good for her health to eat cheese on everything. weight isn't everything and blood cholestrol shoots up easily. so i decided to stop giving her cheese in any form except for twice a week and then reduce it to once a week. i've been giving her only complex carbs and vegetables. i enrolled her into the sport she likes the most, boxing. she often asks me if she can have cheese an extra time a week but i refuse and give her something else. i think she liked the creamy texture so i've been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she's happy with it. my wife however told me that i'm forcing my daughter to give up something she loves eating. i told her what she loves isn't that good for her besides, i'm not cutting it out completely from her diet. i'm just minimizing it. my wife is mad at me and isn't talking to me for the past 4 days. aita? [/INST] yta. preventing kids from having foods they like can cause them to develop an eating disorder. or at the very least unhealthy relationships with food. > i've been getting her the vegan alternatives to cheese when she wants it really bad and she's happy with it. dear god, vegan cheese is so much more unhealthy. often far more saturated fat, full of preservatives, reduced b12, chemicals to emulate the texture of cheese, etc. it's basically cheese-flavored plastic. for all utensil purposes, this decision is the worst of all. </s>
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Aita for freaking out at my mom after finding out who my biological father is
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for my whole life i never knew who my biological father was, my mom and family always been super secretive about it.
recently my mom decided to tell me as i just turned 16 and she felt i was old enough to know now after i asked her.
she sat me down in the living room and told me that my bio dad was her ex step father aka my grandmother ex husband... i felt extremely disgusted and disappointed at my mom and said to her "why wonder grandma hates being around you, you couldn't keep your legs closed long enough to keep away from grandma's husband" and "i am completely disgusted with you, i don't even know if i can look at you the same way" i said a lot of other stuff, i wasn't really kind with my words.
my mom cried and said "i'm really sorry, my actions ended up hurting alot of people, its something i live with everyday, just know that my actions don't define you"
i told my mom to save her words and went to my room, i never thought in a million years that this would be the outcome, i feel grossed out and a little disgusted with myself, everything honestly started making sense though. the way my grandmother acts around me and how the only times i ever go to her house is on holidays when my younger siblings go to her house alot more. their always been this weird tension when my mom and grandma are alone in a room or when they speak to each other, no one ever wanted to talk to me about my bio dad.
my step dad came into my room after a few hours, he ask me how i am feeling and told me that he understands why i'm upset and i have ever right to be but that doesn't give me the right to speak to my mom the way i did and that i should apologize and went on about how my mother sacrificed alot for me and was always there for me when i needed her. which is true my mom always been a amazing mother and from what i seen a good person, i always felt loved by her.
after my step dad spoke to me i started feeling really bad at how i spoke to my mom but at the same time i feel like she deserves because she betrayed my grandma.
this is stuff i felt was important to add in when i reread everything
- i summarize everything so i wouldn't be writing a novel
- my mom was 19 when she got in a relationship with my bio dad and my grandma was on the edge of divorce and was living in separate houses at the time.
aita for freaking out at my mom when i found out who my bio dad is
| 3,413 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pp2c35/aita_for_freaking_out_at_my_mom_after_finding_out/
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2021-09-16 00:12:41
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yta. your mother was 19 years old, all of 3 years older than you are now, when a grown man, her own stepfather took advantage of her and got her pregnant. think about that for a minute!!!!!
instead of realizing the amazing breach of trust and power imbalance involved in that particular "relationship" and that your step grandfather was a predator, you slut shamed your own mother and decided that she at 19 years old, bears all of the responsibility here.
i realize that you're only 16, but you have absolutely no empathy for the woman who you claim has always been a good and loving mother to you. get some therapy to help you process your feelings.
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[deleted]
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think about it this way: what would have to happen for you to sleep with your step dad? emotional manipulation? grooming? abuse? coercion? gaslighting? shaming her? maybe all the way to assault?
imagine the amount of those things that would have to happen to you to do what your mom did and realize that she is the victim. and that you and her mom have failed her. you basically victim shamed.
yta yta yta yta
you can feel like your world is rocked cause it is and you are entitled to feel lied to, but where you obviously lacked empathy is to blame only your mother for this situation. the blame lies with your grandmother and ex husband.
and now a little lies with you for victim shaming.
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wait, whut? your mothers step father, had sex with his step daughter and got her pregnant? and you are the result of his sexual abuse on his step daughter! if i have all this correct, you are blaming your mom? for not keeping her legs closed? lol. woman, get thee to a therapist. after, you can fall on your knees and beg your mothers forgiveness.
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um, did you consider the possibility that your mom was manipulated/groomed/otherwise taken advantage of? she was 19 with a much older man who she'd known for a while. i'm not saying that's *necessarily* abusive, but the possibility is certainly there.
mild yta, because you've just received a shock and this turned your world upside down, so you weren't thinking clearly. i think you should listen to your stepdad here - you can be upset, but you were needlessly cruel.
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yta. your mom's stepfather took advantage of her. she didn't have a relationship with him, she was groomed, probably starting when she was a minor. i'm sorry you don't see this. i feel extremely awful for your mother: not only did she suffer this abuse from a trusted father figure, but her mom blames her for the abuse and now her own child does. it's extremely sad.
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yta
if your mom was 19-years-old, then clearly your biological dad was a predator. he probably took advantage of his place in her life and was grooming her in the years prior, when he should have been acting as a caring and protecting father-figure.
why aren't you disgusted at him? what you said was cruel and heartless. i think you should get some therapy and work towards some empathy.
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yta and so is your grandma. your mom’s stepfather took advantage of a teenager who trusted him. and then instead of protecting her your grandma slut shamed her. now you’re slut shaming her too. your mom deserves better than your toxic family. how about holding the grown ass man who impregnated his teenage stepdaughter accountable instead?
your stepdad is right. you don’t have the right to speak to your mother that way. you admit she’s a great mom. you have some serious apologizing to do. i know you’re upset but you’re taking it out on the wrong person. your grandma is the one who is an ah to you and her ex husband took advantage of your mom when she was a kid. maybe therapy both individual and as a family would be more productive than lashing out at your mom.
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i’m sure it was a shock so i’m hesitant to go with yta but at the end of the day your mother was groomed and taken advantage of by an older man in her home. an authority figure who likely spent years grooming her. if you’re angry at anyone it should be your grandmother for bringing this predator into your mother’s home. it sounds like she’s been a good mother and cares for you. your step father seems decent too. i hope it all works out for you.
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yta for not realizing that at 19, her step-father took advantage of her.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for my whole life i never knew who my biological father was, my mom and family always been super secretive about it. recently my mom decided to tell me as i just turned 16 and she felt i was old enough to know now after i asked her. she sat me down in the living room and told me that my bio dad was her ex step father aka my grandmother ex husband... i felt extremely disgusted and disappointed at my mom and said to her "why wonder grandma hates being around you, you couldn't keep your legs closed long enough to keep away from grandma's husband" and "i am completely disgusted with you, i don't even know if i can look at you the same way" i said a lot of other stuff, i wasn't really kind with my words. my mom cried and said "i'm really sorry, my actions ended up hurting alot of people, its something i live with everyday, just know that my actions don't define you" i told my mom to save her words and went to my room, i never thought in a million years that this would be the outcome, i feel grossed out and a little disgusted with myself, everything honestly started making sense though. the way my grandmother acts around me and how the only times i ever go to her house is on holidays when my younger siblings go to her house alot more. their always been this weird tension when my mom and grandma are alone in a room or when they speak to each other, no one ever wanted to talk to me about my bio dad. my step dad came into my room after a few hours, he ask me how i am feeling and told me that he understands why i'm upset and i have ever right to be but that doesn't give me the right to speak to my mom the way i did and that i should apologize and went on about how my mother sacrificed alot for me and was always there for me when i needed her. which is true my mom always been a amazing mother and from what i seen a good person, i always felt loved by her. after my step dad spoke to me i started feeling really bad at how i spoke to my mom but at the same time i feel like she deserves because she betrayed my grandma. this is stuff i felt was important to add in when i reread everything - i summarize everything so i wouldn't be writing a novel - my mom was 19 when she got in a relationship with my bio dad and my grandma was on the edge of divorce and was living in separate houses at the time. aita for freaking out at my mom when i found out who my bio dad is
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for my whole life i never knew who my biological father was, my mom and family always been super secretive about it. recently my mom decided to tell me as i just turned 16 and she felt i was old enough to know now after i asked her. she sat me down in the living room and told me that my bio dad was her ex step father aka my grandmother ex husband... i felt extremely disgusted and disappointed at my mom and said to her "why wonder grandma hates being around you, you couldn't keep your legs closed long enough to keep away from grandma's husband" and "i am completely disgusted with you, i don't even know if i can look at you the same way" i said a lot of other stuff, i wasn't really kind with my words. my mom cried and said "i'm really sorry, my actions ended up hurting alot of people, its something i live with everyday, just know that my actions don't define you" i told my mom to save her words and went to my room, i never thought in a million years that this would be the outcome, i feel grossed out and a little disgusted with myself, everything honestly started making sense though. the way my grandmother acts around me and how the only times i ever go to her house is on holidays when my younger siblings go to her house alot more. their always been this weird tension when my mom and grandma are alone in a room or when they speak to each other, no one ever wanted to talk to me about my bio dad. my step dad came into my room after a few hours, he ask me how i am feeling and told me that he understands why i'm upset and i have ever right to be but that doesn't give me the right to speak to my mom the way i did and that i should apologize and went on about how my mother sacrificed alot for me and was always there for me when i needed her. which is true my mom always been a amazing mother and from what i seen a good person, i always felt loved by her. after my step dad spoke to me i started feeling really bad at how i spoke to my mom but at the same time i feel like she deserves because she betrayed my grandma. this is stuff i felt was important to add in when i reread everything - i summarize everything so i wouldn't be writing a novel - my mom was 19 when she got in a relationship with my bio dad and my grandma was on the edge of divorce and was living in separate houses at the time. aita for freaking out at my mom when i found out who my bio dad is [/INST] yta. your mother was 19 years old, all of 3 years older than you are now, when a grown man, her own stepfather took advantage of her and got her pregnant. think about that for a minute!!!!! instead of realizing the amazing breach of trust and power imbalance involved in that particular "relationship" and that your step grandfather was a predator, you slut shamed your own mother and decided that she at 19 years old, bears all of the responsibility here. i realize that you're only 16, but you have absolutely no empathy for the woman who you claim has always been a good and loving mother to you. get some therapy to help you process your feelings. </s>
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AITA for not taking a joke that my boyfriend made?
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on mobile, sorry...
my boyfriend and i met a few friends for drinks this evening. he was finishing some work, so i left the flat first, and he met up with us later on. on our walk home, he abruptly asked me if i had the key.
small context: our lock recently broke and until it’s properly replaced, we have a temporary lock and only one key. typically the rule is that the last person to leave the flat takes the key, unless we know that one of us will be home earlier.
i said i didn’t, because i assumed he would take it, as he left the flat last.
he became extremely upset and agitated. he demanded why i hadn’t taken the key, and said that he was sure i’d used it last and so must have lost it or misplaced it, causing him to forget it. he repeatedly said things along the lines of “we’re fucked because of you, you realise that?” and “i can’t believe you did this.”
towards the beginning, i assumed he was joking and laughed a little, which prompted him to snarl “you think this is a fucking joke?? you locked us out! you lost the key!”
this continued for over five minutes. by the time we got to the flat, i was nearly crying. we stood outside of the flat for another few minutes while my boyfriend berated me. he made me peek over one of the windows, to look at the space where we normally leave the key. he said, “it’s not there, is it? right. and whose fault is that?”
i sat down on the front steps and was burying my face in my hands and thought i was going to be sick. finally he said, “alright then. let’s go inside.” when i looked up, he was taking the key out of his pocket. it was all a joke.
he’s now genuinely angry at me because i went directly to shower and have been very quiet for the remainder of the evening. he says i can’t take a joke. i hate being the humourless bitch, but i really feel this went beyond a joke.
am i being an overly sensitive asshole?
tl;dr: boyfriend spent 5-10 minutes berating me for losing the key. turns out he had the key. i’m hurt and annoyed. aita?
| 20,565 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkqq8p/aita_for_not_taking_a_joke_that_my_boyfriend_made/
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2020-07-03 20:51:56
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nta
he played a cruel joke on you, verbally abused you until you cried, and is now gaslighting you.
check out the “emotional abuse” tab at the bottom of the below page. i hope you don’t recognize your situation in any of that, but i fear you will.
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
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[deleted]
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nta at all, i get a “haha i had it” if he only did that for like 10 seconds or something but that is just mean to the point that if he does that often i would call t mentally abusive. i’m sorry that you had to deal with that, he’s tah
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nta 🚩🚩🚩
he thinks it is a joke to verbally abuse you? to give you the fault? did he really think that this was a nice joke? the moment you were crying he should have stopped and told you it was a "joke" he didn't and let you cry to his amusement. what the hell are yoz doing with that poor excuse of a man?
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fuck no nta. dump his ass. now. that wasn’t a joke or prank. i can’t even begin to explain how wrong of him this was.
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nta, doesnt sound like much of a "joke" to me.
and then he gets mad at you for not finding it funny?
yeah, he is a jerk. at least in this example. hopefully this isnt how he is all the time, because this is abusive behavior.
you were upset, not laughing after. he kept on you, was insulting you, etc. how is that supposed to be funny?
if he would have apologized after, i'd say it was a one off, but honestly, you two need to get on the same page. this boils down to basic respect.
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nta. that was just mean spirited, and if i were you i would walk myself out of that relationship.
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jokes are only funny if both people are laughing. that is absolutely emotional abuse. nta. he is worse than an asshole. i could not ever be with someone who would ever act like that if i had forgotten the key.
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nta
🚩#1- him berating you for 10 minutes
🚩#2- him getting angry at you for “not getting the joke”
🚩#3- him getting angry at you being upset
🚩#4- him not apologizing
get the hell out. quick.
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i remember when my boyfriend at the time had texted me “fuck you” out of the blue and i was so beyond confused. responded in said confusion and again, he just kept texting me “fuck you”. rinse and repeat ten times while i’m driving over frantically crying thinking i’ve done something wrong only for him to start laughing as i walk through the door saying he was joking. then he berated me in front of our friend at how dramatic i was and how i need to calm down.
leave. this is abuse. leave.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile, sorry... my boyfriend and i met a few friends for drinks this evening. he was finishing some work, so i left the flat first, and he met up with us later on. on our walk home, he abruptly asked me if i had the key. small context: our lock recently broke and until it’s properly replaced, we have a temporary lock and only one key. typically the rule is that the last person to leave the flat takes the key, unless we know that one of us will be home earlier. i said i didn’t, because i assumed he would take it, as he left the flat last. he became extremely upset and agitated. he demanded why i hadn’t taken the key, and said that he was sure i’d used it last and so must have lost it or misplaced it, causing him to forget it. he repeatedly said things along the lines of “we’re fucked because of you, you realise that?” and “i can’t believe you did this.” towards the beginning, i assumed he was joking and laughed a little, which prompted him to snarl “you think this is a fucking joke?? you locked us out! you lost the key!” this continued for over five minutes. by the time we got to the flat, i was nearly crying. we stood outside of the flat for another few minutes while my boyfriend berated me. he made me peek over one of the windows, to look at the space where we normally leave the key. he said, “it’s not there, is it? right. and whose fault is that?” i sat down on the front steps and was burying my face in my hands and thought i was going to be sick. finally he said, “alright then. let’s go inside.” when i looked up, he was taking the key out of his pocket. it was all a joke. he’s now genuinely angry at me because i went directly to shower and have been very quiet for the remainder of the evening. he says i can’t take a joke. i hate being the humourless bitch, but i really feel this went beyond a joke. am i being an overly sensitive asshole? tl;dr: boyfriend spent 5-10 minutes berating me for losing the key. turns out he had the key. i’m hurt and annoyed. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile, sorry... my boyfriend and i met a few friends for drinks this evening. he was finishing some work, so i left the flat first, and he met up with us later on. on our walk home, he abruptly asked me if i had the key. small context: our lock recently broke and until it’s properly replaced, we have a temporary lock and only one key. typically the rule is that the last person to leave the flat takes the key, unless we know that one of us will be home earlier. i said i didn’t, because i assumed he would take it, as he left the flat last. he became extremely upset and agitated. he demanded why i hadn’t taken the key, and said that he was sure i’d used it last and so must have lost it or misplaced it, causing him to forget it. he repeatedly said things along the lines of “we’re fucked because of you, you realise that?” and “i can’t believe you did this.” towards the beginning, i assumed he was joking and laughed a little, which prompted him to snarl “you think this is a fucking joke?? you locked us out! you lost the key!” this continued for over five minutes. by the time we got to the flat, i was nearly crying. we stood outside of the flat for another few minutes while my boyfriend berated me. he made me peek over one of the windows, to look at the space where we normally leave the key. he said, “it’s not there, is it? right. and whose fault is that?” i sat down on the front steps and was burying my face in my hands and thought i was going to be sick. finally he said, “alright then. let’s go inside.” when i looked up, he was taking the key out of his pocket. it was all a joke. he’s now genuinely angry at me because i went directly to shower and have been very quiet for the remainder of the evening. he says i can’t take a joke. i hate being the humourless bitch, but i really feel this went beyond a joke. am i being an overly sensitive asshole? tl;dr: boyfriend spent 5-10 minutes berating me for losing the key. turns out he had the key. i’m hurt and annoyed. aita? [/INST] nta he played a cruel joke on you, verbally abused you until you cried, and is now gaslighting you. check out the “emotional abuse” tab at the bottom of the below page. i hope you don’t recognize your situation in any of that, but i fear you will. https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/ </s>
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AITA for telling my wife she can’t have her dream job because I refuse to be burdened with all of her student debt?
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throwaway.
my wife and i married young, at 23, and now at 27 she’s about to graduate from law school. the issue is she has a ton of student debt, around 195k from both undergrad and now law school.
but over the past year she’s completely changed her mind about law and becoming a lawyer. she now wants to teach and do teach for america after graduating. she told me this past week. we’ve talked about this at length and she wants to do this because it’s her new dream job (previously it was law).
i’m upset because if she teaches her starting salary will barely clear 35k in the first few years and we live in a really, really expensive city. she has no intention of going back into law later as well as she says law school was a mistake.
last night we were talking about the future and she mentioned our plans to have kids in a few years and how she’d like to be a stay at home mom in a few years as well. i looked at her and asked how she thinks we’re going to afford that when we’ve got nearly 200k in debt on my one income. she got mad and said i’m trying to use her debt to postpone major life events (like having kids).
we ended up fighting and i told her she can’t just teach if she expects me to be saddled with her debt as a result. i said she should at least work a high paying job for a few years to repay a good portion. she said i’m prioritizing money over her happiness and that she’s disappointed in my lack of support when they would be my kids and my life as well.
aita to tell her that if she chooses to go down this path, i may need to rethink our marriage? i haven’t said anything like this yet but i am thinking it. based on her timeline she’d only work for 3-4 years before becoming a homemaker. i’d have 200k worth of debt to work through completely on my own and i don’t know if i can do it or if it’ll completely ruin the rest of my life. aita to say this?
| 18,828 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fixk8t/aita_for_telling_my_wife_she_cant_have_her_dream/
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2020-03-15 07:11:37
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nta
200k of debt, and she doesn’t plan to work for more than 3-4 years?
sorry to say your wife has a death wish for you. ask her if a dead husband by stress-induced heart attack at age 35 fits into her “life plan.” she needs to pull her weight.
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y’all are 200k in debt why the hell does she want to bring kids into that kinda of situation?? nta
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nta. tell her i worked with tfa teachers for a couple of years at a charter school and it was a horrible experience. they place them in the most neediest schools with only a few months of preparation (in comparison to real teachers who have to work on their credential and internship before taking on a whole classroom by themselves). it’s a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on a person and in the end the students lose because they’re being used as guinea pigs instead of actually learning. she is better off going into special education law to help some of these kids’ families who are short changed by school districts. good luck.
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nah. this is a reasonable thing to end a relationship over. she wants financial responsibilities to be divided in a way you aren't ok with. i don't think she is an ah for having a change of heart and asking you to support her. you also are not an ah if the answer is that you cannot.
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nta- so she wants you to pay tens of thousands of dollars to get yet another degree because for some reason at her age she hasn’t figured out what she wants to do with her life? and she has the audacity to call you selfish for not wanting kids atm for financially reasons? jfc. just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re obligated to pay tens of thousands of dollars for another degree to add to the 200k in debt you guys have. your wife needs to realize that you’re not a walking bank. and what about your happiness? does she not realize that adding tens of thousands more dollars to her student debt of nearly two hundred thousand dollars will cause you a shit ton of stress?
she’s a grown woman. if she wants this degree that badly, she can get a job and pay for it herself. also you’re not obligated to have children with her. you’re not a walking sperm bank. and your decision to not have kids for financial reasons atm is very smart. you shouldn’t have kids if it’ll be a big burden on your finances. if she really wants kids, then she won’t pressure you to add tens of thousands of more dollars to the nearly 200k that she has in debt that you are paying off. and she has the gall to call you selfish for that when she is a big part of why your financial situation isn’t great.
you should rethink your marriage. your wife is acting like your a walking money bank and sperm bank. she is extremely selfish for expecting you to add to the almost 200k in student debt she has that you are paying off and getting mad at you for having kids. she’s only thinking about herself and not you. with an undergrad and a law degree, she can most definitely get a job that will allow her to make a good amount of money to pay off her student loans herself and go back to school. also this isn’t even a long lasting a career. it would last a few years tops and she would be a stay at home mom. the fact that she wants you to pay tens of thousands of dollars to get a degree that will give her a career for just a few years just further shows how selfish she is.
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nta. run for the hills. she dosent respect your happiness and is not prepared to compromise to ensure yoyr future financial health. this is no longer a functioning marriage. sorry brother.
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nta, it is crazy that she thinks you should pay off her student debt so she can have her dream life. what about your wants and needs? she seems very selfish, and i would be rethinking this marriage. does she have any clue how much children cost, they are expensive.
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nta even if you change your mind after something as huge as law school (it does happen) you can't realistically expect someone else to pay the loans off for you
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do you share finances?
i would pose to her - as a hypothetical what would she do if she was single?
it seems to be the stay at home mom issue is quite different from the job choice one. i would pick your battles. and the one i would pick is the job choice.
nta
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nta, she can't be a stay at home mom with that much debt.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. my wife and i married young, at 23, and now at 27 she’s about to graduate from law school. the issue is she has a ton of student debt, around 195k from both undergrad and now law school. but over the past year she’s completely changed her mind about law and becoming a lawyer. she now wants to teach and do teach for america after graduating. she told me this past week. we’ve talked about this at length and she wants to do this because it’s her new dream job (previously it was law). i’m upset because if she teaches her starting salary will barely clear 35k in the first few years and we live in a really, really expensive city. she has no intention of going back into law later as well as she says law school was a mistake. last night we were talking about the future and she mentioned our plans to have kids in a few years and how she’d like to be a stay at home mom in a few years as well. i looked at her and asked how she thinks we’re going to afford that when we’ve got nearly 200k in debt on my one income. she got mad and said i’m trying to use her debt to postpone major life events (like having kids). we ended up fighting and i told her she can’t just teach if she expects me to be saddled with her debt as a result. i said she should at least work a high paying job for a few years to repay a good portion. she said i’m prioritizing money over her happiness and that she’s disappointed in my lack of support when they would be my kids and my life as well. aita to tell her that if she chooses to go down this path, i may need to rethink our marriage? i haven’t said anything like this yet but i am thinking it. based on her timeline she’d only work for 3-4 years before becoming a homemaker. i’d have 200k worth of debt to work through completely on my own and i don’t know if i can do it or if it’ll completely ruin the rest of my life. aita to say this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. my wife and i married young, at 23, and now at 27 she’s about to graduate from law school. the issue is she has a ton of student debt, around 195k from both undergrad and now law school. but over the past year she’s completely changed her mind about law and becoming a lawyer. she now wants to teach and do teach for america after graduating. she told me this past week. we’ve talked about this at length and she wants to do this because it’s her new dream job (previously it was law). i’m upset because if she teaches her starting salary will barely clear 35k in the first few years and we live in a really, really expensive city. she has no intention of going back into law later as well as she says law school was a mistake. last night we were talking about the future and she mentioned our plans to have kids in a few years and how she’d like to be a stay at home mom in a few years as well. i looked at her and asked how she thinks we’re going to afford that when we’ve got nearly 200k in debt on my one income. she got mad and said i’m trying to use her debt to postpone major life events (like having kids). we ended up fighting and i told her she can’t just teach if she expects me to be saddled with her debt as a result. i said she should at least work a high paying job for a few years to repay a good portion. she said i’m prioritizing money over her happiness and that she’s disappointed in my lack of support when they would be my kids and my life as well. aita to tell her that if she chooses to go down this path, i may need to rethink our marriage? i haven’t said anything like this yet but i am thinking it. based on her timeline she’d only work for 3-4 years before becoming a homemaker. i’d have 200k worth of debt to work through completely on my own and i don’t know if i can do it or if it’ll completely ruin the rest of my life. aita to say this? [/INST] nta 200k of debt, and she doesn’t plan to work for more than 3-4 years? sorry to say your wife has a death wish for you. ask her if a dead husband by stress-induced heart attack at age 35 fits into her “life plan.” she needs to pull her weight. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my fiance's grandmother (98F) at our wedding?
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my fiance (30m) and i (28f) are getting married next month. everything is going great, but we've been having a serious argument about having his grandmother at our wedding.
we've agreed to not have kids at our wedding, as we want the reception to be a huge party for your adult friends and family with dancing, loud music and an open bar. however, for precisely the same reasons that we don't want kids there, i don't want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either. i said she can come to the ceremony but not the reception. it will be extremely loud and i want it to be a party atmosphere, and she will be extremely out of place. for context, none of my grandparents are still alive, and he still has his last living grandmother.
this has caused a huge fight, since she said she has always dreamed about being at her grandson's wedding (he is her oldest grandchild and she probably won't make it to the next family wedding). which is why i said that she's more than welcome at the ceremony, but she will just be too out of place at the reception. she and he both insist that she will be fine and wants to go to the party. but i just know it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and i just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends.
she's now really upset and won't talk to me, and my fiance is also angry. i think i am within my right to make this request, i am the bride after all.
aita?
| 14,352 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6054i/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiances_grandmother_98f/
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2021-08-17 09:09:19
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yta. not sure how you could be more ta to be honest. you’re hearing the love of your life say this is important. you’re hearing someone really important to your partner say this is important. and you’re putting getting drunk ahead of that? ffs. she’s been a grown adult longer than you’ve been alive - i’m pretty sure she can handle any tiredness and noise as she wishes.
if i was your partner i’d be noticing the red flags.
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yta. she’s not a kid and you won’t have to take care of her. honestly this would be enough for me to call the wedding off. get over yourself
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yta. dude i understand kids because it’s not a good environment for them but let the grandmother come??? she’s a grown ass woman and knows weddings are a party.
make sure somebody is there to help her with anything she needs and to make sure it’s not your responsibility, that’s literally how simple it is.
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my sister had her grandmother in law at the wedding, it was very much a nightime dance party type thing. lots of younger men fawned over her and one kept dancing old fashionedy with her.
the old lady died the next year and had mentioned the wedding often and how much fun she had.
yta. if it's *that* loud then parent generation won't enjoy either. weddings arent only about the bride, u know.
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you realize he gets a say, too, right? being the bride doesn't give you ultimate veto power. and your wedding isn't supposed to be about getting drunk with your friends, it's about celebrating your relationship and being welcomed into your partner's family. you wanna get drunk with your friends without your partner or his grandmother to worry about, do it at your bachelorette party where you get 100% control. yta
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yta
> it will be extremely loud and i want it to be a party atmosphere
and having grandma there would prevent this because????
its your partners wedding too and if he wants to invite his grandmother then... he can.
if you're concerned with her needing looked after, ask your partner to designate someone from his side of the family to look after her.
> i am the bride after all.
so? he's the groom. being the bride doesn't give you magical powers nor does it excuse rude behaviour.
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**yta**
hmm.. almost **a hundred year old womans lifelong dream** to see her grandchild get married **vs.** your wanting to get drunk with your friends. what a pickle....
he wants her there, she wants to be there, and surely she'll leave if it gets to be too much/loud or too late in the evening for her.
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yta. "i'm the bride after all!" eugh. you are one of two people getting married, and one of those people does not take precedence over the other. get a grip and let granny get down on the dance floor- maybe you're insecure that granny can hold her drink better than you!
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[deleted]
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yta.
let her come, it's not your responsibility to take care of her at your wedding.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (30m) and i (28f) are getting married next month. everything is going great, but we've been having a serious argument about having his grandmother at our wedding. we've agreed to not have kids at our wedding, as we want the reception to be a huge party for your adult friends and family with dancing, loud music and an open bar. however, for precisely the same reasons that we don't want kids there, i don't want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either. i said she can come to the ceremony but not the reception. it will be extremely loud and i want it to be a party atmosphere, and she will be extremely out of place. for context, none of my grandparents are still alive, and he still has his last living grandmother. this has caused a huge fight, since she said she has always dreamed about being at her grandson's wedding (he is her oldest grandchild and she probably won't make it to the next family wedding). which is why i said that she's more than welcome at the ceremony, but she will just be too out of place at the reception. she and he both insist that she will be fine and wants to go to the party. but i just know it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and i just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends. she's now really upset and won't talk to me, and my fiance is also angry. i think i am within my right to make this request, i am the bride after all. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (30m) and i (28f) are getting married next month. everything is going great, but we've been having a serious argument about having his grandmother at our wedding. we've agreed to not have kids at our wedding, as we want the reception to be a huge party for your adult friends and family with dancing, loud music and an open bar. however, for precisely the same reasons that we don't want kids there, i don't want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either. i said she can come to the ceremony but not the reception. it will be extremely loud and i want it to be a party atmosphere, and she will be extremely out of place. for context, none of my grandparents are still alive, and he still has his last living grandmother. this has caused a huge fight, since she said she has always dreamed about being at her grandson's wedding (he is her oldest grandchild and she probably won't make it to the next family wedding). which is why i said that she's more than welcome at the ceremony, but she will just be too out of place at the reception. she and he both insist that she will be fine and wants to go to the party. but i just know it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and i just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends. she's now really upset and won't talk to me, and my fiance is also angry. i think i am within my right to make this request, i am the bride after all. aita? [/INST] yta. not sure how you could be more ta to be honest. you’re hearing the love of your life say this is important. you’re hearing someone really important to your partner say this is important. and you’re putting getting drunk ahead of that? ffs. she’s been a grown adult longer than you’ve been alive - i’m pretty sure she can handle any tiredness and noise as she wishes. if i was your partner i’d be noticing the red flags. </s>
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AITA for not explaining straight away about how I lost my leg?
|
i am (24m)
in the summer of 2016, i was driving pretty late at night. there wasn’t anybody around so i was enjoying the peace and quiet. then, out of nowhere, this speeding car hit me and i remember hearing a loud screech and seeing black. the next thing i remember is waking up in hospital and i’m told i was in a horrific car crash. basically, another driver had been drunk driving and was speeding and slammed straight into the driver side of the car. my lower body was crushed and i had broken all the major bones in my lower right leg beyond repair and that my leg had been immediately amputated from the knee whilst i was unconscious. i also had breaks in other parts of me, open bleeding wound and even some burn wounds as part of the car had been leaking and caught fire. all in all, i was pretty lucky to be alive as i should have died.
anyway, i had a long recovery. i was in hospital for months and also had to learn to walk again with a fake leg. when i eventually did heal, i was left with some noticeable burn scars, normal scars due to the crash and quite glaringly a missing leg. the crash had a profound effect on me as i was only 20 and it destroyed my relationship with my then girlfriend and my mental health. it took me a long time to feel comfortable being an amputee and i decided to get into the dating game. my friends helped me and i have currently been talking to someone for the past few weeks and we’ve been able to meet a couple of times. she knows i’m missing a leg but i never explained why as i didn’t really know her and it was an insanely personal thing to open up about.
i finally told her what happened to me last night and explained that it’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about and how i’m pretty scarred both physically and mentally from it. i kinda thought she’d get it but she got really angry with me. she said that i’m an ah as i clearly don’t trust her enough to open up about my past to her, especially something as huge as the crash as it’s pretty visible i only have one leg. i tried to reason with her and say that it’s only been a few weeks but i just made things worse.
i do really like her and i think maybe i could have said something earlier so i can see why she felt a little hurt but i also believe that sometimes huge things take time to come out so idk. aita?
| 18,295 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8qy9d/aita_for_not_explaining_straight_away_about_how_i/
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2020-06-14 09:51:46
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nta. it's only been a few weeks and it's entirely up to you if and when you feel comfortable telling someone about it. she has really overreacted there.
also i'm sorry about your crash but im glad to hear you're getting through it!
|
nta. this is a red flag that she’s making you feel guilty about something so personal. you have every right to wait to talk about your trauma. no one would ever think to pressure a vet to talk about combat or a woman to talk about her rape after only a few dates. i get an emotionally controlling vibe from her. get out before anyone gets hurt.
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nta. you went through something traumatic and if you’ve only been talking a few weeks, that’s not a long length of time to open up about your trauma. she needs to chill.
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info: i don't get it. why is she angry *after* to told her? was she angry before and pressuring you? plus unless something truly unusual happened, it was either going to be a car crash or an ied in iraq so i'm sure she could have made an educated guess.
you're obviously nta, i feel i'm completely missing her pov.
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jfc. my friend just opened up to me about her brother stabbing and killing her dad. this happened 3yrs ago (i known her for 6) and she was never able to tell me in full what happened until the other night. i thanked her later for trusting me. i cant imagine giving a selfish reaction like that to anyone i love. nta
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nta. these kind of personal things have to come naturally, you don't talk about your entire history with someone you just met.
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nta. you have the right to open up and speak about very private matters at your own pace. this girl is clearly disturbed, you deserve much better.
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nta 100% it’s your history and you can share it when you’re ready. i don’t understand her being upset at all
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nta.
sitting here drinking my tea just being an armchair psychologist:
red flag warning. and a rather large red flag at that. you've known this chick for a couple weeks and she's already trippin on stuff like that?
i'd nope right up on out of that situation quick, fast, and in a hurry.
she's got trust issues that she needs to work out before she's ready for a relationship with anyone. period.
you've had enough trama as of late. please don't continue this relationship with her, it's inviting more grief into your life, bro.
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nta. i’d lose the girl because that kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. if you need someone to talk to, hit me up.
if i was in your shoe, my conversation with her would go a little something like this: “you were upset the other day because you felt like i don’t trust you, right? i’d like to clarify that i trusted you enough to share a deeply traumatic experience with you, however your reaction to that story being one of anger and malice has made me lose complete trust in you. if you had any chance with me in the weeks leading up to your behavioral outburst, it’s gone.” then stand up, turn 360°, and moonwalk outta there.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am (24m) in the summer of 2016, i was driving pretty late at night. there wasn’t anybody around so i was enjoying the peace and quiet. then, out of nowhere, this speeding car hit me and i remember hearing a loud screech and seeing black. the next thing i remember is waking up in hospital and i’m told i was in a horrific car crash. basically, another driver had been drunk driving and was speeding and slammed straight into the driver side of the car. my lower body was crushed and i had broken all the major bones in my lower right leg beyond repair and that my leg had been immediately amputated from the knee whilst i was unconscious. i also had breaks in other parts of me, open bleeding wound and even some burn wounds as part of the car had been leaking and caught fire. all in all, i was pretty lucky to be alive as i should have died. anyway, i had a long recovery. i was in hospital for months and also had to learn to walk again with a fake leg. when i eventually did heal, i was left with some noticeable burn scars, normal scars due to the crash and quite glaringly a missing leg. the crash had a profound effect on me as i was only 20 and it destroyed my relationship with my then girlfriend and my mental health. it took me a long time to feel comfortable being an amputee and i decided to get into the dating game. my friends helped me and i have currently been talking to someone for the past few weeks and we’ve been able to meet a couple of times. she knows i’m missing a leg but i never explained why as i didn’t really know her and it was an insanely personal thing to open up about. i finally told her what happened to me last night and explained that it’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about and how i’m pretty scarred both physically and mentally from it. i kinda thought she’d get it but she got really angry with me. she said that i’m an ah as i clearly don’t trust her enough to open up about my past to her, especially something as huge as the crash as it’s pretty visible i only have one leg. i tried to reason with her and say that it’s only been a few weeks but i just made things worse. i do really like her and i think maybe i could have said something earlier so i can see why she felt a little hurt but i also believe that sometimes huge things take time to come out so idk. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am (24m) in the summer of 2016, i was driving pretty late at night. there wasn’t anybody around so i was enjoying the peace and quiet. then, out of nowhere, this speeding car hit me and i remember hearing a loud screech and seeing black. the next thing i remember is waking up in hospital and i’m told i was in a horrific car crash. basically, another driver had been drunk driving and was speeding and slammed straight into the driver side of the car. my lower body was crushed and i had broken all the major bones in my lower right leg beyond repair and that my leg had been immediately amputated from the knee whilst i was unconscious. i also had breaks in other parts of me, open bleeding wound and even some burn wounds as part of the car had been leaking and caught fire. all in all, i was pretty lucky to be alive as i should have died. anyway, i had a long recovery. i was in hospital for months and also had to learn to walk again with a fake leg. when i eventually did heal, i was left with some noticeable burn scars, normal scars due to the crash and quite glaringly a missing leg. the crash had a profound effect on me as i was only 20 and it destroyed my relationship with my then girlfriend and my mental health. it took me a long time to feel comfortable being an amputee and i decided to get into the dating game. my friends helped me and i have currently been talking to someone for the past few weeks and we’ve been able to meet a couple of times. she knows i’m missing a leg but i never explained why as i didn’t really know her and it was an insanely personal thing to open up about. i finally told her what happened to me last night and explained that it’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about and how i’m pretty scarred both physically and mentally from it. i kinda thought she’d get it but she got really angry with me. she said that i’m an ah as i clearly don’t trust her enough to open up about my past to her, especially something as huge as the crash as it’s pretty visible i only have one leg. i tried to reason with her and say that it’s only been a few weeks but i just made things worse. i do really like her and i think maybe i could have said something earlier so i can see why she felt a little hurt but i also believe that sometimes huge things take time to come out so idk. aita? [/INST] nta. it's only been a few weeks and it's entirely up to you if and when you feel comfortable telling someone about it. she has really overreacted there. also i'm sorry about your crash but im glad to hear you're getting through it! </s>
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AITA? I bought my cousin’s daughter a $4K gift for Christmas and ended up spending more on her than her mother did. AITA for not checking with her mother first?
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i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well.
my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like.
my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it.
my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me.
i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like.
my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita?
| 8,930 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvdgzm/aita_i_bought_my_cousins_daughter_a_4k_gift_for/
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2022-12-26 03:00:23
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yta.
most 14 year old girls don't dream of ysl purses and cartier bracelets. i think the money has gone to your head, and you just don't live in the real world anymore. what is normal to you and your husband's family is not normal for the majority of the world.
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not sure whether yta or just completely oblivious.
the part that really gets me is this:
>i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like.
i think the money has corrupted your view of things, and it's what's creating problems here. i don't think 99.9.% of 14-year-olds have cartier and ysl on their lists. your kids want it, because apparently you've conditioned them to want such things.
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[removed]
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this one was a bit tough for me as i have been the recipient in situations like this but my parents were fine with it, even when it was a surprise.
for example, my dad was a teacher and did a lot of tutoring for rich families in our town on the side. some of those families became good friends of ours as well so these were family friends giving us gifts. we were not poverty-level poor but we lived in the worst house in a nice town with an excellent school district, and the mortgage on that shitty house was a stretch for my parents. we always struggled with money (and my brother and i certainly felt poor compared to our classmates) but our parents wanted us to be in this school district.
i remember one of those families (turned into a good family friend) was really grateful for my dad's tutoring. and even though he was paid a very good rate to tutor their kid, they were super grateful that their kid did well on his sats. they wanted to give my dad a bonus. my dad said it was unnecessary but because they kept insisting, he said that if they really wanted to, they could get me a little gift because i helped with the kid's sat tutoring. i was actually a couple years younger but had nearly aced my sats as a freshman (took them as practice for my psats bc i wanted to do well on those for scholarship purposes). to our surprise, they gifted me a fendi bag. it was apparently an entry level bag so to them, it was "small" but of course we were totally surprised.
my parents could not afford to spend hundreds, much less over a thousand dollars on a gift for me. but they did recognize that our expectations were just different. a small gift to us was not the same as a small gift to them. that being said, they were mainly just happy for me. and i never thought less of them for not being able to afford nicer gifts. i actually mainly remember being concerned with money issues in high school because i didn't want them to overextend themselves. i worked an after school job to go to some nerdy summer camps and pay for tickets/expenses for school dances and such. i don't want to imply i was a great kid all the time or that they were always awesome parents. i fought a lot with my dad growing up (he was controlling), but money was never an issue outside of my dad shaming me on "overspending" on his gifts once i had a full-time job after college (he grew up super poor during a civil war and had a lot of issues around financial insecurity).
this is a long-winded way of saying that i get it. you didn't think twice because your scale for normal is very different than your cousin's daughter's mother's expectations. i think it would have been nice to give her a heads up or talk to her first but ultimately it is a gift. and you can do what you want with your money. she can choose to see it as a nice surprise or take it as an insult, and i do think that's on her. it would have been nice to give a heads up but i don't think it's necessary so i'm leaning toward nta with the potential for a very soft e s h for not checking in with her first.
|
nta.
i think you did a nice thing that was just a little extravagant and you unintentionally overshadowed her mother.
i think her mother overreacted. it’s not like you bought her a car or a puppy or something she needs to be responsible for.
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nta. i don't know why you're getting shit on here. you were doing something nice for her.
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tbh i think a lot of the “y t a” comments you’re getting are from people who are quite jealous and annoyed that you have so much money to spend. i don’t think you’re malicious at all. i don’t think the money was excessive but not enough for me to call you an a**hole. so i’m going to vote nta
|
rich people problems
|
not sure many will be able to relate.
|
[removed]
|
YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | 1 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well. my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like. my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it. my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me. i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like. my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i happened to marry into a family with an insane amount of money. more than they know what to do with, quite honestly. i spent approx. $15k per child for my three children for christmas, which i am immensely grateful to be able to spend on them. i also donated the same amount to a charity of each child’s choice, as well. my mom’s side has a rule that we only get each other christmas gifts if we will be seeing each other that year on christmas day. (for cousins with children, we get the kids gifts rather than their parents.) my mother hosted this year and about ten of my cousins and their children were coming. i bought each of my cousin’s children something unique, not really thinking about the price, but more what i think they would like. my cousin (35m) has a fourteen year old daughter. she is the result of a one night stand, so most of us in the family have only met her mother a handful of times and for only a few minutes. my daughter is also fourteen and two parts of her christmas day gifts were a cartier love ring and a ysl purse. i bought the same for my cousin’s daughter, as they are very close and i thought she’d really like it. my cousin’s daughter excitedly facetimed her mother to show her the gifts that i bought her and upon ending the facetime, called my cousin very upset. she said that i spent more on her daughter for christmas than she had and was livid with me. i genuinely didn’t think about the cost of the gifts, just more what i think a fourteen year old girl would really like, especially considering i have a fourteen year old daughter myself and know what they like. my cousin’s daughter’s mother is really upset with me because she feels i made her look bad to her daughter, but i only ever intended on getting her daughter gifts i thought she’d like. aita? [/INST] yta. most 14 year old girls don't dream of ysl purses and cartier bracelets. i think the money has gone to your head, and you just don't live in the real world anymore. what is normal to you and your husband's family is not normal for the majority of the world. </s>
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AITA for interrupting my roomates having sex in the kitchen while our mutual dinner is being made?
|
throwaway account btw. two nights ago i walked into the kitchen to ask my roomates what they wanted to do for dinner. we started making some pasta, so i went to my bedroom (located directly next to the kitchen) to play some games while waiting for the pasta to cook. i hear the timer set on alexa go off, and my roomate moan "alexa stop." i interrupt them by walking out there and announcing myself by asking "is dinner ready?" so they have to quickly stop and pretend nothing was happening. i decide to stick around because dinner is practically done now. female roomate goes to the bathroom, and i bring it up to male roomate while we're in the kitchen. i let him know i think it's inconsiderate for a couple reasons, and i really don't want to see that. while eating dinner, i send a similar message over snapchat to female roomate, who has been angry at me for two days now. male roomate already had a more extensive conversation with me about it, and we agree about not having sex in a "public" place in the house. am i the asshole?
| 20,822 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxbjm2/aita_for_interrupting_my_roomates_having_sex_in/
|
2020-06-05 19:44:02
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nta. that's a common space, and it's gross to imagine you would end up making a peanut butter sandwich where someone did the nasty.
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nta, having sex in a communal space when a roommate is home is rude, especially if you’re all cooking dinner together. they have bedrooms, use it.
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nta. it’s insane that she’s mad at you... if you have sex in a public place, of course someone might walk in. don’t want someone to walk in on you? that’s why rooms with doors with locks were invented.
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yta. next time sneak out quietly, grab some chips and just stare at them until they make eye contact. when they do lock eyes, slowly eat a chip. don't blink. establish dominance.
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nta, and i think that's fairly obvious. it's a shared space, very disrespectful.
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nta so gross that they have sex in common spaces.
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you're nta. having sex in the kitchen when you are not only likely to come out but definitely going to is beyond inconsiderate. it's almost like taking a dump on the floor in your room level inconsiderate.
|
nta
ew. ew ew ew ew ew.
ew.
not just a public place but where food is prepared!
ew!
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uhm while food was being made??? that’s even worse! i would have lost my appetite for that dinner... nta
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[deleted]
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account btw. two nights ago i walked into the kitchen to ask my roomates what they wanted to do for dinner. we started making some pasta, so i went to my bedroom (located directly next to the kitchen) to play some games while waiting for the pasta to cook. i hear the timer set on alexa go off, and my roomate moan "alexa stop." i interrupt them by walking out there and announcing myself by asking "is dinner ready?" so they have to quickly stop and pretend nothing was happening. i decide to stick around because dinner is practically done now. female roomate goes to the bathroom, and i bring it up to male roomate while we're in the kitchen. i let him know i think it's inconsiderate for a couple reasons, and i really don't want to see that. while eating dinner, i send a similar message over snapchat to female roomate, who has been angry at me for two days now. male roomate already had a more extensive conversation with me about it, and we agree about not having sex in a "public" place in the house. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account btw. two nights ago i walked into the kitchen to ask my roomates what they wanted to do for dinner. we started making some pasta, so i went to my bedroom (located directly next to the kitchen) to play some games while waiting for the pasta to cook. i hear the timer set on alexa go off, and my roomate moan "alexa stop." i interrupt them by walking out there and announcing myself by asking "is dinner ready?" so they have to quickly stop and pretend nothing was happening. i decide to stick around because dinner is practically done now. female roomate goes to the bathroom, and i bring it up to male roomate while we're in the kitchen. i let him know i think it's inconsiderate for a couple reasons, and i really don't want to see that. while eating dinner, i send a similar message over snapchat to female roomate, who has been angry at me for two days now. male roomate already had a more extensive conversation with me about it, and we agree about not having sex in a "public" place in the house. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. that's a common space, and it's gross to imagine you would end up making a peanut butter sandwich where someone did the nasty. </s>
|
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