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AITA for having my kids wear tie dye when with their dad?
|
i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park.
he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land.
my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7).
since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it.
my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there.
i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good.
i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts.
to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts.
we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it.
the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye.
they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it.
he called me an a for being petty.
aita?
edited to add.
thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify.
1) ap stands for affair partner
2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer.
3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support
| 29,768 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wp874j/aita_for_having_my_kids_wear_tie_dye_when_with/
|
2022-08-15 19:16:51
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nta
keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back
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nta - you need to take this man to court. he is stealing from his children and doesn't care that it is causing them clear and understandable distress.
|
nta
my son's dad and his ap tried this when he was young. wasn't selling them, was just keeping any "new" clothing and returning him in old/dirty/outgrown stuff his ap's kid used to wear and giving son's stuff to ap's kid. told him that wouldn't fly. what left this house comes back to this house with our son. his ap retaliated by dumping grape soda into my son's overnight bag. so i took him to court. judge ordered he had to keep clothing & toys at his house and what our son arrived with was what he returned with. and it had to be clean, unless the visit was less than a day trip. anything missing/damaged, he had to reimburse me for.
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nta. get a bedazzler. they’re not expensive and they’re a blast for girls this age.
also fabric markers. puffy paint. you might have a whole set of new hobbies by the time your girls are teens.
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nta and your answer was exactly right: he should be obligated to buy them clothes. he’s their dad for goodness sakes…what kind of father sells his own children’s clothes off their backs? if you can, please take him to court…and give your kids the option of not visiting him as soon as you’re legally able.
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nta. my ex had a daughter from a hook up before we dated and his mom was all in on having a granddaughter. at least once every weekend, they went out for a shopping trip. new dresses, new outfits, new shoes, new accessories. not just frilly stuff, but useful stuff, though maybe more pricey than a normal wardrobe for kids. my ex sent the new stuff with his daughter when she went back to her mom's because unless she spent all day changing, she'd never wear all the clothes at his house.
the little girl once tearfully confided in me that her mom took a scissor to one batch of clothes because reasons? no explanation, not sure if she objected to the clothes in the bag specifically, was punishing the kid by destroying the clothes, or being spiteful toward my ex/his mom. so my ex made a special effort to send her back in what she arrived in. all hell broke loose after 3 months of no new clothes, despite her mom sending her in increasingly ill fitting and stained clothes. nothing was legally actionable on either side so my ex resorted to buying all manner of new clothes that referenced him - daddy's best girl, daddy's little princess, etc and those are what he sent home.
your ex is a complete troll and i would continue to tie dye and maybe mix in some extra personalization. get a cricut and add more embellishments to their clothes. maybe their names, references to you "i have the world's best mom" or whatever would really trigger him.
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nta and lawyer up!
electronic receipts are your friend in this situation.
your ex has no business (quite literally) selling the clothes off his children's backs!!!
at a guess, most judges would take a dim view of your husband's "sales activities".
|
nta. as soon as you said he wanted the new truck and cash i knew this would be a wild ride. congrats on your business. you sound very savvy so i’ll sure you’ll do great, especially without your ex holding you back. i equally hope that ap is enjoying the prize she won.
|
nta
and i love this creative solution that centers the feelings of your daughters.
|
time to ramp up the petty. pink tie dye could be kind of popular / marketable. time to get some really obnoxious colors that no one would want to buy. still let the girls pick it out, and have fun with making the ugliest tie dyes ever - maybe make an award for the ugliest ones.
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30 f) my ex-husband (31m). got divorced 5 yrs ago. during our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). on a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. he wanted the new truck and our savings. i wanted the old trailer and the land. my ex and i have 2 girls (8&7). since my divorce. i slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. turning it into a business. i love it. my girls go to their dads and ap apartment every other weekend. i started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. at first i thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. however, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. i asked her what was wrong. she told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. that she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. i immediately called my ex. i asked him to return our daughters clothes. not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. i blamed it on them not having enough for school. he played dumb. he said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. i pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. he then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be doing this good. i was pissed. i took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. to a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. we had a “girls” tie dye night. hot pink every thing. each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. i let our girls design and decorate them. my girls loved it. the following week ex sends the girls home. i could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. the clothes were not returned. no fear i knew this would be a issue. we made extras. when the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. they were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. i kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. i told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. he called me an a for being petty. aita? edited to add. thank you so much for all the comments. here are some things to clarify. 1) ap stands for affair partner 2) owned is past tense. my ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. i am sorry for those who don’t believe it. at the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. thank you for the love and support [/INST] nta keep a record of what goes over there and back. as you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back </s>
|
AITA For feeding my baby at an interview
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ok reddit, here's the deal.
on mobile etc.
today i went to a job interview at a childcare facility. i had done a phone interview back in march for the summer, and they knew that i would have to bring my baby with me to the in person interview.
when i got the call yesterday to come in, i verified that they had room at the center for my now 7 month old and that i could bring him to the interview with me.
i arrived 10 minutes early (my usual early is better than late) and was handed a paper application and questionnaire to fill out.
after filling out the forms i was called back to the director's office, just as my son was fussing for his lunch.
i asked the director if there was something i could set his carseat on while i fed him. she looked at me funny and asked me if he could wait until after the interview to eat. i smiled and said, well he's hungry now, and i'd like to go ahead and take care of that. she told me there wasn't anything to put him on and she had no food for him.
i clarified that i brought his food, he just needs to be fed. she replied that he needed to wait until we were done. i laughed a bit and invited her to explain to my infant son that he needed to wait, saying he may listen to her, but i'd doubt it since you know, he's a baby, and when babies are hungry, you feed them.
she said she would interview the other candidate first to allow me time to feed the baby.
i sat on the floor out of the way in the lobby as they had no tables to put the car seat on and fed him, changed him in the back of my car and came back in.
i was almost immediately called back by the director. i thanked her for being flexible with the interview order so i could feed my son and that i got him fed and changed.
she immediately told me that in 20 years she has only done this twice, and told me that she didn't think i would be a good fit for the position.
so reddit, am i the asshole for feeding my baby?
| 5,652 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbkvv2/aita_for_feeding_my_baby_at_an_interview/
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2020-06-18 19:12:44
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yta - i've never hired anyone that brought their kid to an interview. i read that as this person doesn't have reliable child care, so how often will there be a problem with their work schedule.
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honestly yta
you brought a baby to a job interview. i get that it’s for a child care facility but nevertheless, you don’t bring a baby to a job interview. you get a sitter for a couple hours.
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yta. not for feeding your baby, of course the baby needs to be be fed. the problem is that you knew you had an interview and you should have planned around that. the director also has things to do with their day, respecting someone else's time especially when they are giving a job interview is important.
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yeah, yta for how you handled this. the fact that they allowed you to bring your baby in the first place speaks to their flexibility, but you took it too far. i would even give you a pass for wanting to feed him, but read the room. being snarky with your interviewer isn't going to go well.
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yta.
just for your snarky, unprofessional responses to the person who literally held your fate in their hands.
based on your other replies, it sounds like caring for your kid’s still a full time job, and you’re the only person you will allow to care for them, so a job like that probably isn’t in the cards.
|
yta
you live with your mother, husband, mil, and your son. why couldn't any of them have watched your baby for this interview? and why couldn't you have just waited 15-30 minutes to have fed your baby? you made yourself seem pretty disrespectful of the interviewer's time.
generally, don't bring your baby along for interviews. if you absolutely have to, don't interrupt it to feed him.
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i’m struggling with this one because on one hand, it seems super inappropriate. but i would think that about bringing a baby to an interview regardless. they made the exception to let him be there, so it’s reasonable to want to feed him so he stops being fussy... but it’s also a waste of the interviewer’s time.
i think ultimately yta. i understand having a kid is hard, but you knew when the interview was and didn’t try making any accommodations like feeding your son early so you could do the interview.
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yta for a couple reasons.
1. you should have gotten childcare, period. your husband could have asked for a few hours of pto (or unpaid, even!) so you could interview for a job. there are a few excuses for not getting childcare, and none of them apply to you.
2. after ah move #1 was decided, you should have fed him beforehand. he’s 7 months old, you know his schedule. heck if you knew that was when he normally gets fed, i bet the interviewer would’ve rather you asked ahead of time to move your interview an hour later. now that would have been very professional and showed that you respected her time.
3. your responses to the interviewer were highly unprofessional. leave snark out of the workplace, and definitely out of the interview room.
4. you seem like one of those moms who believe everyone should forgive them being an ah because “being a mom is so hard”. go back to being a sahm - stop wasting everyone’s time if you’re just going to keep sabotaging interviews to get what you want.
gosh. you are so entitled. wow.
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yta. you could’ve fed him before the interview. or fed him *while* doing the interview. the fact that you expected the interviewer to wait for you to be ready to be interviewed is what made you the ah.
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yta. the issue is not that you fed your son, but how you handled the situation.
> i laughed a bit and invited her to explain to my infant son that he needed to wait, saying he may listen to her, but i'd doubt it since you know, he's a baby, and when babies are hungry, you feed them.
that right there lost you the job. what you could have done is offered him a bottle before going in. i completely understand you can't tell a baby to be hungry or not, however, you can try to alleviate situations.
i also don't know which would be worse - asking an interviewer for leeway to feed the baby or having the baby fuss during the entire interview. i also would think that a childcare facility would understand this as well. so, maybe it is okay you didn't get the job at that facility.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok reddit, here's the deal. on mobile etc. today i went to a job interview at a childcare facility. i had done a phone interview back in march for the summer, and they knew that i would have to bring my baby with me to the in person interview. when i got the call yesterday to come in, i verified that they had room at the center for my now 7 month old and that i could bring him to the interview with me. i arrived 10 minutes early (my usual early is better than late) and was handed a paper application and questionnaire to fill out. after filling out the forms i was called back to the director's office, just as my son was fussing for his lunch. i asked the director if there was something i could set his carseat on while i fed him. she looked at me funny and asked me if he could wait until after the interview to eat. i smiled and said, well he's hungry now, and i'd like to go ahead and take care of that. she told me there wasn't anything to put him on and she had no food for him. i clarified that i brought his food, he just needs to be fed. she replied that he needed to wait until we were done. i laughed a bit and invited her to explain to my infant son that he needed to wait, saying he may listen to her, but i'd doubt it since you know, he's a baby, and when babies are hungry, you feed them. she said she would interview the other candidate first to allow me time to feed the baby. i sat on the floor out of the way in the lobby as they had no tables to put the car seat on and fed him, changed him in the back of my car and came back in. i was almost immediately called back by the director. i thanked her for being flexible with the interview order so i could feed my son and that i got him fed and changed. she immediately told me that in 20 years she has only done this twice, and told me that she didn't think i would be a good fit for the position. so reddit, am i the asshole for feeding my baby?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok reddit, here's the deal. on mobile etc. today i went to a job interview at a childcare facility. i had done a phone interview back in march for the summer, and they knew that i would have to bring my baby with me to the in person interview. when i got the call yesterday to come in, i verified that they had room at the center for my now 7 month old and that i could bring him to the interview with me. i arrived 10 minutes early (my usual early is better than late) and was handed a paper application and questionnaire to fill out. after filling out the forms i was called back to the director's office, just as my son was fussing for his lunch. i asked the director if there was something i could set his carseat on while i fed him. she looked at me funny and asked me if he could wait until after the interview to eat. i smiled and said, well he's hungry now, and i'd like to go ahead and take care of that. she told me there wasn't anything to put him on and she had no food for him. i clarified that i brought his food, he just needs to be fed. she replied that he needed to wait until we were done. i laughed a bit and invited her to explain to my infant son that he needed to wait, saying he may listen to her, but i'd doubt it since you know, he's a baby, and when babies are hungry, you feed them. she said she would interview the other candidate first to allow me time to feed the baby. i sat on the floor out of the way in the lobby as they had no tables to put the car seat on and fed him, changed him in the back of my car and came back in. i was almost immediately called back by the director. i thanked her for being flexible with the interview order so i could feed my son and that i got him fed and changed. she immediately told me that in 20 years she has only done this twice, and told me that she didn't think i would be a good fit for the position. so reddit, am i the asshole for feeding my baby? [/INST] yta - i've never hired anyone that brought their kid to an interview. i read that as this person doesn't have reliable child care, so how often will there be a problem with their work schedule. </s>
|
AITA for telling my mom that my stepdad called me ”Another man’s mistake”?
|
(15m) my (37f) mom is the boss at her workplace and thus has to hold meetings all the time so my (37m) stepdad has to pick me up. i feel like he has always disliked me but yesterday when he picked me up from the train station it was pretty severe.
we had agreed that he would come and pick me up. well the train came on time and everything went ok and i got into his car. i greeted him but he didn’t greet me back and just slurred out that i was another man’s mistake. i told him that i would tell mom about this but he begged me not to but i still did because it was jut way too much. i feel like an asshole for doing this.
well when mom came home i told her and then they started arguing real loud and my mom even slept in the guest room because she didn’t want to sleep with him.
| 20,258 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fjn11i/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_my_stepdad_called_me/
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2020-03-16 15:47:31
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nta, even if he had a bad day or dislikes you that's too far. people shouldnt get into relationships with people with kids if they're not ready to step up as a parent.
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nta, also i know you’re young and this is hard but if he picks you and has been drinking please exit the car. he’s a garbage person.
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nta. he's so disgusting for saying that.
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nta. wtf. that's so fucked up and as your mother, she should not allow him to behave like this. i hope she leaves him, you should be her priority. good on her for listening to you
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nta nta nta. that’s a monstrous thing to say to or about anyone. it’s abusive. you did the right thing in telling your mom. she needs to know what kind of man she’s with and how he treats her child when she’s not around.
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nta, that's a horrible thing to say but you said he slurred it, was he drunk and driving to pick you up?!
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nta, i’m so sorry he said that to you. if he didn’t want your mum to know he said it, he shouldn’t have said it in the first place.
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nta. if he was drunk call the cops next time. drunk driving will get you both (and soemone else) killed. your mom is in the guest room because your step dad is a jerk, nothing you did
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nta. telling your mom was the exactly right thing to do. sorry you are stuck with such a jackass, but i am glad your mom took it seriously.
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nta, sum up equals your 15 and he is what you say? 37? sorry you've found yourself in this particular situation, it's a difficult one and i'm sure if you need support we reddit -ers have you covered
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: (15m) my (37f) mom is the boss at her workplace and thus has to hold meetings all the time so my (37m) stepdad has to pick me up. i feel like he has always disliked me but yesterday when he picked me up from the train station it was pretty severe. we had agreed that he would come and pick me up. well the train came on time and everything went ok and i got into his car. i greeted him but he didn’t greet me back and just slurred out that i was another man’s mistake. i told him that i would tell mom about this but he begged me not to but i still did because it was jut way too much. i feel like an asshole for doing this. well when mom came home i told her and then they started arguing real loud and my mom even slept in the guest room because she didn’t want to sleep with him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
(15m) my (37f) mom is the boss at her workplace and thus has to hold meetings all the time so my (37m) stepdad has to pick me up. i feel like he has always disliked me but yesterday when he picked me up from the train station it was pretty severe. we had agreed that he would come and pick me up. well the train came on time and everything went ok and i got into his car. i greeted him but he didn’t greet me back and just slurred out that i was another man’s mistake. i told him that i would tell mom about this but he begged me not to but i still did because it was jut way too much. i feel like an asshole for doing this. well when mom came home i told her and then they started arguing real loud and my mom even slept in the guest room because she didn’t want to sleep with him. [/INST] nta, even if he had a bad day or dislikes you that's too far. people shouldnt get into relationships with people with kids if they're not ready to step up as a parent. </s>
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AITA for accidentally making my brother cry?
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**
| 5,628 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q1bxi0/aita_for_accidentally_making_my_brother_cry/
|
2021-10-04 18:43:17
|
yta
your brother didn’t embarrass you. you embarrassed yourself and this girl is definitely not going to date you now. your brother sounds sweet and you sound like a dud
|
yta. for assuming that your crush who is your age doesn't know what fortnite or marvel movies are.
for not realizing that being kind to your siblings is something many people find to be a good quality and you being nice to your brother make you look good. especially when your crush kept trying to engage your brother.
you shouldn't have to hang out with your sibling all of the time regardless of age but once a week isn't a huge deal.
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yta. you embarrassed yourself by being such a shit brother. he’s 10, and he probably idolizes you. being a good brother and being nice isn’t going to make you seem uncool or weird. however, being a rude brother and being mean to him will make you seem like a jerk
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yta
you know that crashing sound, that was your image falling off the hero pedestal. way to go, breaking your little bro's heart. when someone says you are their best friend, you tussle their hair, and smile, because you know there is plenty of time for them to find out that you are an asshole later on, but for now there was one last person who saw the world through rose colored glasses and thought you were a great guy.
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>i'm literally 17 and she is still grounding me
you're literally still a child and that was a dick move. yta.
sidenote: being mean is not attractive
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yta. i’m heartbroken for your little brother, i’m really hoping you’re trolling because you are so callous. no shit you don’t have much in common, he’s a child and you’re nearly an adult. it would be weird if he had the same interests as you. the things he likes are perfectly appropriate and not at all embarrassing. i’m betting your grand display of assholery destroyed any chances with your crush, she truly dodged a bullet. your brother is probably going to remember this for the rest of his life, so congratulations, you effectively got yourself out of being his friend. asshole.
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yta - sounds like your little brother could have been your wingman with your crush. if she was forcing it she would have not gone back to talk to your little brother.
plus he is 10yrs old. he looks up to you probably not anymore.
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yta for someone who claims to be "into reading philosophy" you don't seem to have gotten much out of it.
the good news is it's going to be a long time before your brother or this girl want to interact with you again.
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yta - and it’s waste not waist
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"ever since covid hit hes been super annoying and wanting to spend time with me"
yta - don't even need to read further, your the arse.
a global pandemic that has killed so many is scary to adults let alone children.
"im into philosophy" - oh arn't you edgy.
"its a waste of time because its not going to lead to friendship or anything" i tell you what it's going to lead to, you not having any contact with him when he eventually becomes an adult.
the girl sounds very sweet, because she can see that your brother is a child.
"i don't think she knows what any of that stuff is"- this is a troll right...like it has to be?
you were a grade a ass i hope she tells her friends so they can all agree to avoid your selfish ass.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
** [/INST] yta your brother didn’t embarrass you. you embarrassed yourself and this girl is definitely not going to date you now. your brother sounds sweet and you sound like a dud </s>
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AITA for a joke I made about how weirdly close my colleague seemed with his adult daughter?
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i work in a rather nice office, so some of the higher ups make very good money. this colleague does not work in my department, so he is not my boss, but he is definitely much higher up than i am.
we were recently seated at the same table for a work related dinner event in which families were invited. he brought his wife and his adult daughter and son, and i brought my husband. i have occasionally met his daughter a few times when she was a teenager, and she always struck me as a big daddy's girl. now she is 21, and since she was seated next to her father all night, i got a glimpse at how weirdly affectionate they are together.
they would giggle and take goofy selfies, she would give him repeated kisses on the cheek and would tease him about it leaving a lipstick mark, she would link arms with him and snuggle into his neck, they held hands, and they shared a single dessert and ate off each other's plates. and she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him. it was so weird, the whole night. the whole family was there but it was like the two of them were sharing every inside joke, just them. i could understand if she was a little kid, but she's an actual adult.
as we were leaving a couple of us from our table were having a smoke and i joked "do you think [colleague] is going to bed with his daughter or his wife tonight?" when they gave me a weird look like they didn't get it, i said that there was clearly something weird there but they told me to drop it.
back in the office a couple people have chastised me for starting "malicious rumours", but it really was just a joke. i am now worried this gossip will reach him, and since he is well-respected and well-liked, people will side with him. i know my joke may have been a bit off colour, but was it really that bad?
aita?
| 7,397 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dvuuzh/aita_for_a_joke_i_made_about_how_weirdly_close_my/
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2019-11-13 17:15:58
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yta holy shit man, extremely inappropriate. you could get fired for that remark.
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yta
wtf is wrong with you
a daughter has a good and caring relationship with her father and you sexualize it? pull yourself together.
also
>and she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him.
she's 21. she's allowed.
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yta. like, read the room. this relationship seems a little unusual but there’s a huge leap between “more affectionate than the norm” and “illegal incest.” you turned it up to 11 and got called out.
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yta. i mean, come on now. you insinuated a coworker is fucking his daughter. that is wildly inappropriate in an office setting, even if it were true. maybe they are weirdly close, but most of what you said didn't sound egregious. like the wine thing - she's 21, who cares? apparently only you.
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"hey reddit, i made a joke to my co-workers insinuating that our boss has an incestuous relationship with his adult daughter. am i an asshole?!?"
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yta because it wasn't a joke. you thought there was something wrong with the relationship, pointed it out (in a jokey way) then tried to pretend you didn't mean it when people didn't find it funny. schrödinger's punchline - if people agreed it was serious, if they didn't it was just a joke.
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yta
my god.
their behavior was unusual, but you then basically accused him of violating one of the biggest taboos in our society as a "joke." that's more than a bit off-color and i am not surprised your co-workers didn't want any part of it.
as a comment, it was assholish and unwise (since you're all co-workers and he's higher up than you).
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yta. everything there is completely normal and in fact endearing, that girl is going to have a much healthier relationships with men than it seems you do.
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yta. that was not a funny joke. like at all. it just made things weird and uncomfortable for your colleagues. you all have to work together and that joke was not appropriate at all.
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yta for all the reasons listed here by others.
incidentally, even if there actually was incest going on (which, it cannot be repeated enough, is an absurd supposition), you really think that's occasion for a snide joke? incest is traumatic, abusive, tragic, and criminal. you want to joke about it?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work in a rather nice office, so some of the higher ups make very good money. this colleague does not work in my department, so he is not my boss, but he is definitely much higher up than i am. we were recently seated at the same table for a work related dinner event in which families were invited. he brought his wife and his adult daughter and son, and i brought my husband. i have occasionally met his daughter a few times when she was a teenager, and she always struck me as a big daddy's girl. now she is 21, and since she was seated next to her father all night, i got a glimpse at how weirdly affectionate they are together. they would giggle and take goofy selfies, she would give him repeated kisses on the cheek and would tease him about it leaving a lipstick mark, she would link arms with him and snuggle into his neck, they held hands, and they shared a single dessert and ate off each other's plates. and she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him. it was so weird, the whole night. the whole family was there but it was like the two of them were sharing every inside joke, just them. i could understand if she was a little kid, but she's an actual adult. as we were leaving a couple of us from our table were having a smoke and i joked "do you think [colleague] is going to bed with his daughter or his wife tonight?" when they gave me a weird look like they didn't get it, i said that there was clearly something weird there but they told me to drop it. back in the office a couple people have chastised me for starting "malicious rumours", but it really was just a joke. i am now worried this gossip will reach him, and since he is well-respected and well-liked, people will side with him. i know my joke may have been a bit off colour, but was it really that bad? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work in a rather nice office, so some of the higher ups make very good money. this colleague does not work in my department, so he is not my boss, but he is definitely much higher up than i am. we were recently seated at the same table for a work related dinner event in which families were invited. he brought his wife and his adult daughter and son, and i brought my husband. i have occasionally met his daughter a few times when she was a teenager, and she always struck me as a big daddy's girl. now she is 21, and since she was seated next to her father all night, i got a glimpse at how weirdly affectionate they are together. they would giggle and take goofy selfies, she would give him repeated kisses on the cheek and would tease him about it leaving a lipstick mark, she would link arms with him and snuggle into his neck, they held hands, and they shared a single dessert and ate off each other's plates. and she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him. it was so weird, the whole night. the whole family was there but it was like the two of them were sharing every inside joke, just them. i could understand if she was a little kid, but she's an actual adult. as we were leaving a couple of us from our table were having a smoke and i joked "do you think [colleague] is going to bed with his daughter or his wife tonight?" when they gave me a weird look like they didn't get it, i said that there was clearly something weird there but they told me to drop it. back in the office a couple people have chastised me for starting "malicious rumours", but it really was just a joke. i am now worried this gossip will reach him, and since he is well-respected and well-liked, people will side with him. i know my joke may have been a bit off colour, but was it really that bad? aita? [/INST] yta holy shit man, extremely inappropriate. you could get fired for that remark. </s>
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AITA for stranding a date without a ride because she was ignoring me?
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so last weekend i went on a tinder date with a girl who i’ve been chatting to for a while. it was our second date and i thought things were going pretty well.
we end up at this rowdy bar a bit far out (30-40min) which i recommended. it was good fun until she sees someone she knows, this guy she went to college with, and they start chatting. i awkwardly try to join in but i’m basically ignored. i leave them to it to get some food and come back like 30 min later. they’re still chatting. i stand around like an idiot trying to join the convo but at one point the guy literally blocks me out with his back and my date says and does nothing. they back into a corner and only talk to each other.
at this point i go out and grab a smoke. she comes out after me and apologizes, says she hasn’t seen this guy in ages. i tell her that’s cool but i’m just gonna head home soon. she asks me to wait for her bc she doesn’t have a ride and it’s far from home.
so i wait bc whatever, night is ruined and i might as well just hang out. i wait another 20 min before heading back inside to tell her i’m going home and she can either come with me or stay. i see them in the same corner with the guy blocking my view. i try to talk to her but he keeps turning to block me away. i gesture to her that i’m going and she holds up a finger like “wait a minute” and instead of coming to talk to me she just keeps talking to her friend.
i’ve had it at this point and i just text her “leaving now, bye” and head straight to my car and leaves. i get frantic calls about 15 min later. she asks me where i am and if i could go back and pick her up since she doesn’t have a ride and her friend doesn’t live close to her like i do. i say “no” and hang up.
anyways the next day i get the longest, angriest chain of texts in my life. she’s upset because i left her with no ride and she had to beg the bartender to call her a cab because she ran out of cash and can’t get uber/lyft for some reason. she calls me a pos and to never call her again and that she’ll be telling anyone she knows not to ever go on a date with me.
my roommate and his gf both agreed that the girl sucks, but they think i should’ve just waited longer and made sure she got home. aita for what i did?
| 21,543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvk83l/aita_for_stranding_a_date_without_a_ride_because/
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2019-06-01 12:19:43
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nta. seems like she got confused about the difference between tinder and uber. and even an uber driver would have ditched her at least 10 mins before you did.
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nta it was not a date any more. im surprised you even waited those 20 min. she had it coming .
(and honestly, who goes to bars without having some money to return even with cab?)
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nta. i was prepared to put yta but you gave her many chances. she was sucky to you and you gave her a warning when you were leaving.
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nta - i would‘ve said yta if you hadn‘t give her multiple warnings but you did. you told her you were leaving after she behaved like an asshole on the date, she asked for more time. you then tried to tell her you were leaving in multiple ways all of which she ignored.
you didn‘t even strand her, she stranded herself by missing all ride options available to her.
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nta she should have made sure the guy she was trying to fuck would giver her a ride before she ditched you.
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nta. sometimes rudeness has consequences.
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nta. honestly i'm impressed you held out as long as you did. i would have given the "i'm out, have a great life" tap hours before you. people can't walk all over you unless you lie down in front if them first. she had ample ample time to make better decisions. take comfort in knowing her friends are probably just like her, so she's just sparing you when she tells them not to date you.
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yta for waiting so long before you ditched someone treating you like shit.
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nta. you did more than enough by waiting, and then telling her two more times after that you were leaving. she was rude the whole night and knew you were leaving
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nta. she went on a date with you and spent most of the night with someone else. you gave her a chance and got nothing back
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so last weekend i went on a tinder date with a girl who i’ve been chatting to for a while. it was our second date and i thought things were going pretty well. we end up at this rowdy bar a bit far out (30-40min) which i recommended. it was good fun until she sees someone she knows, this guy she went to college with, and they start chatting. i awkwardly try to join in but i’m basically ignored. i leave them to it to get some food and come back like 30 min later. they’re still chatting. i stand around like an idiot trying to join the convo but at one point the guy literally blocks me out with his back and my date says and does nothing. they back into a corner and only talk to each other. at this point i go out and grab a smoke. she comes out after me and apologizes, says she hasn’t seen this guy in ages. i tell her that’s cool but i’m just gonna head home soon. she asks me to wait for her bc she doesn’t have a ride and it’s far from home. so i wait bc whatever, night is ruined and i might as well just hang out. i wait another 20 min before heading back inside to tell her i’m going home and she can either come with me or stay. i see them in the same corner with the guy blocking my view. i try to talk to her but he keeps turning to block me away. i gesture to her that i’m going and she holds up a finger like “wait a minute” and instead of coming to talk to me she just keeps talking to her friend. i’ve had it at this point and i just text her “leaving now, bye” and head straight to my car and leaves. i get frantic calls about 15 min later. she asks me where i am and if i could go back and pick her up since she doesn’t have a ride and her friend doesn’t live close to her like i do. i say “no” and hang up. anyways the next day i get the longest, angriest chain of texts in my life. she’s upset because i left her with no ride and she had to beg the bartender to call her a cab because she ran out of cash and can’t get uber/lyft for some reason. she calls me a pos and to never call her again and that she’ll be telling anyone she knows not to ever go on a date with me. my roommate and his gf both agreed that the girl sucks, but they think i should’ve just waited longer and made sure she got home. aita for what i did?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so last weekend i went on a tinder date with a girl who i’ve been chatting to for a while. it was our second date and i thought things were going pretty well. we end up at this rowdy bar a bit far out (30-40min) which i recommended. it was good fun until she sees someone she knows, this guy she went to college with, and they start chatting. i awkwardly try to join in but i’m basically ignored. i leave them to it to get some food and come back like 30 min later. they’re still chatting. i stand around like an idiot trying to join the convo but at one point the guy literally blocks me out with his back and my date says and does nothing. they back into a corner and only talk to each other. at this point i go out and grab a smoke. she comes out after me and apologizes, says she hasn’t seen this guy in ages. i tell her that’s cool but i’m just gonna head home soon. she asks me to wait for her bc she doesn’t have a ride and it’s far from home. so i wait bc whatever, night is ruined and i might as well just hang out. i wait another 20 min before heading back inside to tell her i’m going home and she can either come with me or stay. i see them in the same corner with the guy blocking my view. i try to talk to her but he keeps turning to block me away. i gesture to her that i’m going and she holds up a finger like “wait a minute” and instead of coming to talk to me she just keeps talking to her friend. i’ve had it at this point and i just text her “leaving now, bye” and head straight to my car and leaves. i get frantic calls about 15 min later. she asks me where i am and if i could go back and pick her up since she doesn’t have a ride and her friend doesn’t live close to her like i do. i say “no” and hang up. anyways the next day i get the longest, angriest chain of texts in my life. she’s upset because i left her with no ride and she had to beg the bartender to call her a cab because she ran out of cash and can’t get uber/lyft for some reason. she calls me a pos and to never call her again and that she’ll be telling anyone she knows not to ever go on a date with me. my roommate and his gf both agreed that the girl sucks, but they think i should’ve just waited longer and made sure she got home. aita for what i did? [/INST] nta. seems like she got confused about the difference between tinder and uber. and even an uber driver would have ditched her at least 10 mins before you did. </s>
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WIBTA if I warn my best friend that my husband is planning to fire her after he told me not to?
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so last year my best friend lost her job. around the same time a position in my husband’s company (he owns the company) became available and she applied for it without telling us. she ended up getting the job and i was happy for her because it was the type of role she had always wanted. my husband was less happy when he found out but since she wasn’t directly working with him, he agreed to not get involved.
yesterday he told me she was going to be fired. at first, he wouldn’t tell me why but later told me it was because she was telling the co-workers in her department that she would get them the better projects because she was friends with me and that she kept telling her manager that she was my friend whenever she got reprimanded in a threatening way. he told me it wouldn’t happen immediately, but it would be soon.
i told him i needed to warn her so she can quit/find a new job before she gets fired but he told me not to. he told me she needed to face the consequences of her actions and i shouldn’t get involved, that he had only told me as a courtesy because she probably won’t take it well.
i still want to tell her. i’ve known her since i was 5 and we’re very close. if the situation was reversed, i think she would tell me, but i know it will cause problems with my husband. wibta if i warned her?
| 3,615 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxvzwl/wibta_if_i_warn_my_best_friend_that_my_husband_is/
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2021-09-29 14:01:03
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yta. your husband trusted you when he clearly should not have. this is his job and he could get in trouble if you tell her and she goes in and raises hell about it, which sounds highly likely. keep your mouth shut.
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yta - your husband is telling you details about work that, if you pass on, could make his own job more difficult. stay out of it. if you tell your friend and your husband finds out, you will seriously undermine his trust in you. be worthy of it.
|
esh
* your friend for trying to get ahead in her career via psuedo-nepotism.
* your husband for disclosing confidential information about an employee to you.
* you for sticking your nose in a work situation that you should never have been involved in in the first place.
the situation sucks, but your best course of action is to just stay out of it.
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yta especially since you're likely to tell the friend anyways/regardless of the advice since this is now your 3rd thread about this after the first 2 threads have been full of people telling you not to, so you're pretty clearly just looking for even 1 person to say do it to go ahead with it.
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you got a strong answer in another subreddit. are you hoping for a better answer here? listen to the answers you already have been given.
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looking at the profile you've posted this on 3 different subs over the last few hours. are you trying to get an answer other than "don't tell her"? that's not seeking advice, that's seeking permission. don't be toxic.
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yta but also, i kind of feel bad for you. i bet all those people she works with absolutely **hate you** because she keeps using **your name and your status as the owner’s wife** to skirt repercussions for her actions and mistakes. this isn’t a friend, this is someone piggybacking off of your status to further her own and could have negative consequences for you down the line. don’t be surprised if everyone is suddenly hostile towards you at the yearly office christmas party.
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yta. your husband told you this in confidence and telling your friend this information could have serious repercussions on your husband at work.
your best friend isn't even being a good friend by trying to use her friendship with you to get what she wants at this job. if you tell her this information don't be surprised if your husband (rightfully) never trusts you again.
are you even upset that she tried to use her friendship with you at the workplace?
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if i were your husband and you'd chose to tell your friend what i told you explicitly not to tell, i'd make sure you go with your friend to be there and support her anytime. *permanently*. by divorcing you. yta.
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yes ywbta…. your husband told you in confidence. plus you warning her just solidifies what they knew all along, she has special privileges because of her relationship to you. if you tell her, you undermine your husband an ruin his credibility. please for once stay out of it.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so last year my best friend lost her job. around the same time a position in my husband’s company (he owns the company) became available and she applied for it without telling us. she ended up getting the job and i was happy for her because it was the type of role she had always wanted. my husband was less happy when he found out but since she wasn’t directly working with him, he agreed to not get involved. yesterday he told me she was going to be fired. at first, he wouldn’t tell me why but later told me it was because she was telling the co-workers in her department that she would get them the better projects because she was friends with me and that she kept telling her manager that she was my friend whenever she got reprimanded in a threatening way. he told me it wouldn’t happen immediately, but it would be soon. i told him i needed to warn her so she can quit/find a new job before she gets fired but he told me not to. he told me she needed to face the consequences of her actions and i shouldn’t get involved, that he had only told me as a courtesy because she probably won’t take it well. i still want to tell her. i’ve known her since i was 5 and we’re very close. if the situation was reversed, i think she would tell me, but i know it will cause problems with my husband. wibta if i warned her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so last year my best friend lost her job. around the same time a position in my husband’s company (he owns the company) became available and she applied for it without telling us. she ended up getting the job and i was happy for her because it was the type of role she had always wanted. my husband was less happy when he found out but since she wasn’t directly working with him, he agreed to not get involved. yesterday he told me she was going to be fired. at first, he wouldn’t tell me why but later told me it was because she was telling the co-workers in her department that she would get them the better projects because she was friends with me and that she kept telling her manager that she was my friend whenever she got reprimanded in a threatening way. he told me it wouldn’t happen immediately, but it would be soon. i told him i needed to warn her so she can quit/find a new job before she gets fired but he told me not to. he told me she needed to face the consequences of her actions and i shouldn’t get involved, that he had only told me as a courtesy because she probably won’t take it well. i still want to tell her. i’ve known her since i was 5 and we’re very close. if the situation was reversed, i think she would tell me, but i know it will cause problems with my husband. wibta if i warned her? [/INST] yta. your husband trusted you when he clearly should not have. this is his job and he could get in trouble if you tell her and she goes in and raises hell about it, which sounds highly likely. keep your mouth shut. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that we're BOTH pregnant?
|
i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback.
my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby.
and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless".
this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant.
she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here?
| 29,082 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ge2hgf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_were_both_pregnant/
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2020-05-05 17:49:48
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yta
you want to play video games instead of watch the kids? you're irritated by what your wife is making dinner? you think that things like waking up in the middle of the night because she's puking are analogous to waking up in the night to puke?
you're a huge major asshole.
now, your wife needs to handle some things better, but this is a stupid way and stupid plan to think this will fix it.
she's creating a living creature inside of her and let me assure you that shit is way harder than whatever you have to do.
my god man
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yta for this
>some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning.
oh wow, a hero! your wife must be so grateful that you *deal* with this, you're truly brave.
also, you're not pregnant, your wife is. you have no idea what it's like and by the looks of it, you don't even care..
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i'm having a hard time believing this is real but if it is: yta, the giant, juicy asshole, for all of the following:
>every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning.
oh goodness, you're being woken up?? how dare she have the gall to puke her guts out at such an ungodly hour. she is the one doing the vomiting. this is not equal. get a grip.
>i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby.
you will never be able to put an equal amount of effort into a pregnancy. it's her body going through it, not yours. stop trying to claim effort that you are not making.
> just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless".
you don't get a gold star for doing laundry and taking out trash while you're also leaving a messy kitchen and refusing to help with anything for an hour a day because you need "you" time. not seeing any indication of your pregnant wife getting any "her" time. you do not get to always have one hour a day for just yourself when you wife is pregnant and you have 3 children at home. that's just the way it is.
if this is a real post, you are coming across as selfish and inconsiderate at best and a downright asshole at worst. help your wife. don't apologize to her to make her happy, apologize and fucking mean it. think on this. think what she is going through physically to have another child and fucking treat her with respect and generosity.
i would have dumped you long ago if you were mine.
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yta. geez, yta.
cooking and dishes are daily tasks. mowing and taking out the garbage are much more infrequent tasks. i'll give minor props for laundry. so now that we've established she does more at home than you do, how about you drop the whole "i work more hours than she does" bit?
you don't like having meatloaf for the third time that week? then get up and make something different. and she was cooking and tending to twins? have you ever been pregnant while also having 3 kids already? i only have 2 kids, but the second time around was much, much harder than the first. you're tired more, things hurt more and much earlier too. i can't even imagine how tired i would be with 3 kids and another on the way. i also missed the part where you're physically carrying the child. i don't think you can be pregnant unless you are growing a kid in your uterus.
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yta. does your wife get an hour a day to play video games? managing children is tiresome and not a relaxation time. why is she managing the children and cooking at the same time? when someone else cooks for you, you say thank you and that's it. also, congrats on not being annoyed by the sound of her puking her guts out. (that was sarcastic).
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my wife isn't sleeping, puking her guts up all night, it hurts her swollen feet to move around while she has to deal with twins and another while carrying around the weight of another baby while she works. but then on top of that she cooks food for me that i whine about... but i work hard and do 3 chores a week compared to her doing cooking and cleaning daily, so piiiiitttttyyyyy me.
xd
aw man. do you hear yourself?
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yta. you’re not pregnant. not even close. also, upvoted because you don’t get to tell people how to respond to your post.
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yta. other than the fact that she cooks and cleans daily while taking care of your kids and you sit back and complain (but you take out the trash and do the laundry ofc, what a hero). you also clearly posted this because you wanted pity and not an honest answer, and it’s very obvious by how you’re not responding at all and instead downvoting everyone that calls you out for the sad excuse of a man that you are. yta, and your wife is clearly taking care of four children while pregnant, good luck to her. i hope she does see this and make your life hell.
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yta your body isn't dealing with pregnancy, hers is. i'm sorry you poor soul have to put up with the sound of her puking her guts out. you sound like a real catch.
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yta.
dealing with three young children 24/7 is a full time job, let alone housekeeping. she already has a full time job as an engineer.
are you really so checked out of fatherhood that you don’t notice what needs doing from moment to moment with the kids? get off your duff and mind your own children so they don’t get burned or bloody in the kitchen.
her job is 24/7/365. ask yourself when she gets an hour each day to rest and recuperate.
and are you kidding me? taking out the trash comes every few days, mowing the lawn, etc even fewer. you are not acting like a team player, but one of the biggest slackers i’ve ever heard of.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback. my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant. she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know this sounds bad, but hear me out. im using a throwaway cuz my wife uses reddit, so please don't upvote this. i just want honest feedback. my wife (29f) and i (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child. every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare. some things i can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning, but when she starts demanding i go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy because her feet are swollen, i get a little impatient. i work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession (i'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so i think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby. and it's not like i don't help around the house, either. she does all the cooking and dishes, but i do laundry, take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly). my mil comes over to help with the kids because she says i'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her), and while i appreciate the help i'm sick of her crap. just because i want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean i'm "useless". this all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my ass and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf. i made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. shit. she told me how i have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant, i should be taking on more of her chores since i can't breastfeed, but then i reminded her that i still work a lot more hours than her, so i think we're basically both pregnant. she got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since. i don't think i'm wrong but i'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. aita here? [/INST] yta you want to play video games instead of watch the kids? you're irritated by what your wife is making dinner? you think that things like waking up in the middle of the night because she's puking are analogous to waking up in the night to puke? you're a huge major asshole. now, your wife needs to handle some things better, but this is a stupid way and stupid plan to think this will fix it. she's creating a living creature inside of her and let me assure you that shit is way harder than whatever you have to do. my god man </s>
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AITA for leaving roommates’ 4 year old home alone with a friend for hours because I don’t want to normalize babysitting?
| 20,993 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ist74r/aita_for_leaving_roommates_4_year_old_home_alone/
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2020-09-14 20:20:33
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nta, good god. who just leaves their baby in their roommates bed when they haven't consented to babysit?? something is very, very wrong with rose. you made sure someone was watching the child which was the right thing to do even though it wasn't your responsibility. you are more than fine.
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so that i understand this: she couldn't find a babysitter so she left the kid with you while you were asleep and didn't even bother waking you to ask you and got mad you got a babysitter so you could go to work???
what did she expect? you to call out to babysitter her kid for free??
nta.
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my god, you are nta. i can’t believe she just left her child with you in your bed. she knew you’d say no if she woke you up. i probably would’ve called the police as soon as she didn’t answer her phone.
i’d also lodge a complaint with your landlord and request a new roommate. she is way out of line.
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>i told her that i will call the police the next time she leaves the baby alone.
nta this is the correct response.
she abandoned her child without a please or a a thank you, hell she went into your room to put her to bed, i would invest in a lock that is a gross invasion of privacy.
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nta. report her for abandonment if she does it again.
probably be doing the kid a favor getting cps involved.
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nta because you also have a job you have to go to. it isn’t like you had nothing to do and your friend just needed you for a 1 day thing. why should her job be more important than yours? you shouldn’t have to miss work because your roommate can’t drop off her child somewhere else for the day. it sounds like she just wanted to make her child your problem and leave anyway.
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nta
she left a note and a child in your room! what did she expect? she’s lucky you had a friend who was willing to step in!
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wow. so she claims she is not the asshole for leaving baby with you but you are for leaving baby with your friend. no no no. that is crazy. you are nta.
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nta.
1. call cps now. there is something odd about her not having custody and then now getting it. also, leaving her child with a sleeping adult and a note is abuse.
2. speak to your landlord. if the roommate was set up by them, they will have records and rules about additional roommates, even if a 4 year old. they may also be able to swap roommates to find a better match for you
3. if she tries it again, call the police. she has threatened this to you and if she does, she will claim you agreed to take care of the child.
4. take pictureses of her note and screenshot all texts related to this incident to share with cps or police as needed
5. i am sorry you have a crappy roommate and are going through this. your roommate is an ah and a terrible mother
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nta, she's waaay out of line, acting like an entitled c-word. you even did her a solid by actually finding a caretaker instead of leaving the kid home alone. you warned her, she ignored your warnings. you had work, she was stupid and still is
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, good god. who just leaves their baby in their roommates bed when they haven't consented to babysit?? something is very, very wrong with rose. you made sure someone was watching the child which was the right thing to do even though it wasn't your responsibility. you are more than fine. </s>
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AITA for telling my step-mom that she can use the missing child-support payments to fund my part of my dad's gift?
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sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place.
for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court.
ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message.
aita?
| 23,038 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vd4rds/aita_for_telling_my_stepmom_that_she_can_use_the/
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2022-06-15 21:09:03
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nta. you’re completely justified. and it takes a huge set of balls to ask an 18 year old for money to buy a car for their father. he should be getting you a car.
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nta. check into your mom filing with the state for non payment of child support. maybe the state can garnish bio dads wages.
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>). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it
this was the correct response.
nta.
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nta
no one is entitled to gifts. especially a free loading asshole father who cuts child support.
also, there's a statue of limitations on child support, but my mom sued and won for back child support when i was 21. tell your mom to get in on that.
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nta. and stepmother is delusional. oh, and by the way, you and your mom can still sue your dad for missing payments.
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nta, the balls to ask an 18 year old for $1800 for a car is hilarious. you had the correct response.
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nta. did you enjoy sending that snotty reply? good, because you've earned the right to. enjoy father's day with the one that matters.
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nta and that was a perfect reply lol
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> i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100).
that is a ridiculous ask for a father's day gift. you nta.
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nta. if you decide you want to contribute to his new car i recommend you find a very generic father’s day card and put a little tree air freshener inside.
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place. for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court. ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sorry for the wordy title, my (18m) dad left my mom when i was 6 (not because of my step-mom), four years ago he met and married my sm aida, she had 3 kids from a previous marriage that my dad loved to parent instead of me, after they got together i saw him, at best, 7-8 times every year because they moved 5 hour away. a year later he had ''a change of heart'' and demanded his 50/50 custody, which made me miserable, he built a room for me at his new house, tried to fill the missing years with new gifts, even planned a big birthday party for my 12th birthday, at 13, i stopped going to his place. for me, he wasn't my dad. after he left, mom's brother (who was only 25 at the time) took me in as one of his boys, mom and i moved back to my grandparents place and my uncle lived next door, he already had a kid, and he was always there for me, he's my father while my aunt is like a second mother for me and my cousin is like the brother i never had. when i stopped going to my bio-dad's my mom had to get a second job so i used to sleep at my uncle's pretty much every day, i didn't understand why until last year, when my grandma told me my dad had stopped paying child support out of spite and my mom didn't had the money to take him to court. ever since i turned 15, father's day is about my uncle for me, my cousin and i make him breakfast and plan a fun day with him with a small gift, now that i'm 18, my step-mom sent me a fb message saying that i'm old enough to give my part for my bio-dad's gift, this year, his step-kids wants to give him a car and that i should put 10% (like 1,800 to 2,100). i just sent her a lol meme and said she could use my missing child support to cover it. she blocked me and later on one of her kids sent me an ah message. aita? [/INST] nta. you’re completely justified. and it takes a huge set of balls to ask an 18 year old for money to buy a car for their father. he should be getting you a car. </s>
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AITA For reporting my son's doctor after she shared his medical information with my mother in law?
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my f38 son 9 has a medical condition. we're struggling so much trying to do everything we can to help him deal and cope with his condition. it's been difficult enough without my mother in law getting involved and making decisions without talking to me and my husband first. she'd completely disregard our fears and concerns as parents and claim we don't know what's best for her grandson by trying to control doctors appointments/arguing with doctors. criticizing and telling them how to do their job/ bringing medication that her friend doctor prescribed without even diagnosing my son.
she'd get mad if we don't comply and do what she tells us. her latest stunt was showing up at my son's appointment and making a scene resulting in me and my husband going no contact and changing the clinic by having my son's medical file transformed to another clinic.
my mother in law was removed from any emergency contact we had before and we made it clear to the new doctor to not share our son's medical information. my mother in law kept trying to find out what clinic/which doctor our son goes to and she tried to guilty tip my husband and also get the family to pressure us into letting her know. no one realized the negative affect she had on my son's health and progress and the family kept calling me awful and resentful because she's just worried for her grandson.
last week. i found out that my mother in law was at the clinic and was speaking to my son's pediatrician about my son's condition. my husband told me his mom called and told him she was talking to the doctor discussing our son's condition. he told me he didn't want to speak to his mom but she called to let him know that she has a right to take part in her grandson's care and that we shouldn't try to hide things from her since she eventually was able to find out.
i was livid. i was so angry i went to talk to the doctor about the conversation she had with my mother in law and the fact that she disclosed medical information after being told several times that this would cause us plenty of issues because of my mother in law's behavior. mother in law is already trying to get involved and i just couldn't take it. i reported the doctor and filled an hipaa complaint.
i was told to back off but i couldn't take this massive lack of professionalism on the doctor's part and the fact that now i'm having to deal with my mother in law's attempts to control the situation.
my mother in law spread the news about the doctor and the whole family was stunned saying my bitterness jeopardized the doctor's career and that she only shared information with my son's grandmother not some stranger. also said that i'm not being focused on my son and choosing to start arguments instead. basically made it look like it's my fault. i'm so tired and i can't take it anymore. my husband agrees that i shouldn't have filed a complaint like he has no problem with his mother now showing up at the clinic and causing scenes.
information to add here: my son goes to a licensed medical doctor. mother in law says she knows a doctor that happens to be friend of hers but i'm not sure if he even has a license or even work at the hospital or clinic we were never told who he was nor even met him before. but that was before the fight we had with her. she no longer mentions him and is focused on getting directly involved with my son's care.
| 20,000 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyzogq/aita_for_reporting_my_sons_doctor_after_she/
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2020-11-22 17:37:29
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nta hipaa laws are a big deal and your situation is exactly the kind that they are there for.
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nta thats a huge violation. honestly you should go no contact and look into a restraining order.
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absolutely nta. this person shouldn't be a doctor.
in your case, this is a mil who is seriously inappropriate, and abusive, but from what you have said is not out to actively harm your child. (an assumption on my part, that's not definitely true).
however, there are probably patients in the clinics care who are genuinely hiding from a violent abuser. accessing medical records to allow abuse to continue is a massive no no. the doctors lax attitude could literally kill people one day.
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info: are you trying to treat a serious illness without standard medical treatments and medication?
i saw you say that she was threatening to take it to court, i know that it can be considered criminal to not give children medications for diseases.
just wondering if there is more to this story...
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something doesn't smell right in this aita.
dr's offices don't randomly give out info to anyone.
dr's don't give prescriptions to patients they've never seen.
one take might be that grandma is an anti vaccine/homeopathy adherent and mom is a normal person.
but even there, the rest of the family would not be on grandmas side. they'd know she was a nut.
so maybe it's flipped. and mom is endangering the child and the "condition" is easily treated and the friend just prescribed some antibiotics.
still doesn't explain a potential hipaa violation unless "dr" is some sort of naturopath/homeopathy "dr" which means they are not "really" a dr and thereby not subject to hipaa to the same extent.
op seems far too vague for this to be straight up.
too much doesn't add up.
edit. one point keels getting mentioned about "small town dr stuff" i totally get that in smaller communities "stuff" happens that varies from doc stevens helping out bob with his skin cream up to and including pill mill dr's.
i think we can assume that's not what this situation is referring to.
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nta.
you did well filling the complaining. there's a reason why you're supposed to protect the patient's information and that's because you don't know what is going on in their lives. maybe the grandmother was trying to blackmail you, maybe it was someone impersonating her, who knows! but it's completely unethical and unprofessional.
i'd suggest you to take your kid to a psychologist as well. use online therapy so you don't have to move from home which would make it harder for your mil to know which one he's attending to. if the therapist suggest the mil stepping away because it's mentally scarring your son, make sure your husband is there to listen it.
if things scale, go to the law and ask them for a restricted visiting time order by the judge.
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nta
people who say it was only the child’s grandparent clearly have no understanding of hippa. it doesn’t matter that she isn’t a stranger, she has no right to your child’s medical information unless you or your child want her to know.
yes she is probably scared but what she is doing is causing stress and confusion where it isn’t needed. i think the rest of the family need to hear what happened and the problems she has caused from you.
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info: is your son being treated by a board certified m.d?
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yta until you confirm you're not some alternative medicine nut. your post indicates that you and your mil are somehow in disagreement over your son's treatment - the most likely explanation for this is that one of you is advocating non-medical/alternative treatment. your refusal to answer questions on this makes me think it's you.
btw, all these people who have told you you're nta are doing so assuming you are following the advice of a medical doctor and treating your son's condition appropriately using modern medicine.
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info: are you trying to treat your son’s medical condition with holistic/alternative medicine and not taking advice from actual medical doctors?
the only way your mil’s extreme actions make sense is if you’re choosing to not use effective treatments backed by reputable research and going against the advice of most mds. it also sounds like your husband is feeding your mil info ,which would make sense if he also disagrees with your choices regarding your son and is worried.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.238797 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f38 son 9 has a medical condition. we're struggling so much trying to do everything we can to help him deal and cope with his condition. it's been difficult enough without my mother in law getting involved and making decisions without talking to me and my husband first. she'd completely disregard our fears and concerns as parents and claim we don't know what's best for her grandson by trying to control doctors appointments/arguing with doctors. criticizing and telling them how to do their job/ bringing medication that her friend doctor prescribed without even diagnosing my son. she'd get mad if we don't comply and do what she tells us. her latest stunt was showing up at my son's appointment and making a scene resulting in me and my husband going no contact and changing the clinic by having my son's medical file transformed to another clinic. my mother in law was removed from any emergency contact we had before and we made it clear to the new doctor to not share our son's medical information. my mother in law kept trying to find out what clinic/which doctor our son goes to and she tried to guilty tip my husband and also get the family to pressure us into letting her know. no one realized the negative affect she had on my son's health and progress and the family kept calling me awful and resentful because she's just worried for her grandson. last week. i found out that my mother in law was at the clinic and was speaking to my son's pediatrician about my son's condition. my husband told me his mom called and told him she was talking to the doctor discussing our son's condition. he told me he didn't want to speak to his mom but she called to let him know that she has a right to take part in her grandson's care and that we shouldn't try to hide things from her since she eventually was able to find out. i was livid. i was so angry i went to talk to the doctor about the conversation she had with my mother in law and the fact that she disclosed medical information after being told several times that this would cause us plenty of issues because of my mother in law's behavior. mother in law is already trying to get involved and i just couldn't take it. i reported the doctor and filled an hipaa complaint. i was told to back off but i couldn't take this massive lack of professionalism on the doctor's part and the fact that now i'm having to deal with my mother in law's attempts to control the situation. my mother in law spread the news about the doctor and the whole family was stunned saying my bitterness jeopardized the doctor's career and that she only shared information with my son's grandmother not some stranger. also said that i'm not being focused on my son and choosing to start arguments instead. basically made it look like it's my fault. i'm so tired and i can't take it anymore. my husband agrees that i shouldn't have filed a complaint like he has no problem with his mother now showing up at the clinic and causing scenes. information to add here: my son goes to a licensed medical doctor. mother in law says she knows a doctor that happens to be friend of hers but i'm not sure if he even has a license or even work at the hospital or clinic we were never told who he was nor even met him before. but that was before the fight we had with her. she no longer mentions him and is focused on getting directly involved with my son's care.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f38 son 9 has a medical condition. we're struggling so much trying to do everything we can to help him deal and cope with his condition. it's been difficult enough without my mother in law getting involved and making decisions without talking to me and my husband first. she'd completely disregard our fears and concerns as parents and claim we don't know what's best for her grandson by trying to control doctors appointments/arguing with doctors. criticizing and telling them how to do their job/ bringing medication that her friend doctor prescribed without even diagnosing my son. she'd get mad if we don't comply and do what she tells us. her latest stunt was showing up at my son's appointment and making a scene resulting in me and my husband going no contact and changing the clinic by having my son's medical file transformed to another clinic. my mother in law was removed from any emergency contact we had before and we made it clear to the new doctor to not share our son's medical information. my mother in law kept trying to find out what clinic/which doctor our son goes to and she tried to guilty tip my husband and also get the family to pressure us into letting her know. no one realized the negative affect she had on my son's health and progress and the family kept calling me awful and resentful because she's just worried for her grandson. last week. i found out that my mother in law was at the clinic and was speaking to my son's pediatrician about my son's condition. my husband told me his mom called and told him she was talking to the doctor discussing our son's condition. he told me he didn't want to speak to his mom but she called to let him know that she has a right to take part in her grandson's care and that we shouldn't try to hide things from her since she eventually was able to find out. i was livid. i was so angry i went to talk to the doctor about the conversation she had with my mother in law and the fact that she disclosed medical information after being told several times that this would cause us plenty of issues because of my mother in law's behavior. mother in law is already trying to get involved and i just couldn't take it. i reported the doctor and filled an hipaa complaint. i was told to back off but i couldn't take this massive lack of professionalism on the doctor's part and the fact that now i'm having to deal with my mother in law's attempts to control the situation. my mother in law spread the news about the doctor and the whole family was stunned saying my bitterness jeopardized the doctor's career and that she only shared information with my son's grandmother not some stranger. also said that i'm not being focused on my son and choosing to start arguments instead. basically made it look like it's my fault. i'm so tired and i can't take it anymore. my husband agrees that i shouldn't have filed a complaint like he has no problem with his mother now showing up at the clinic and causing scenes. information to add here: my son goes to a licensed medical doctor. mother in law says she knows a doctor that happens to be friend of hers but i'm not sure if he even has a license or even work at the hospital or clinic we were never told who he was nor even met him before. but that was before the fight we had with her. she no longer mentions him and is focused on getting directly involved with my son's care. [/INST] nta hipaa laws are a big deal and your situation is exactly the kind that they are there for. </s>
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AITA for refusing to bend the rules on seeing my newborn just for one person(sil) even it the only chance she’s has to see him for months
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so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone
some rules include
-up to date on all vaccines
-if you feel anyway sick don’t visit
- let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time
- no smokers
- no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm
-you can only stay an hour
-no picking up the baby without consent
-no adivce
-no perfume/deodorant
- no is no we won’t explain why
- no pictures to be taken or posted on social media
- if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list
- before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
- no more than two visits a week per person
it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally.
which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from
sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead,
me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment
we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply
she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them
since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply
| 14,234 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sedejn/aita_for_refusing_to_bend_the_rules_on_seeing_my/
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2022-01-28 00:33:44
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yta. your rules went from 0 to 60. like smoking and vaccines, yeah. but gift cards and chores? the entitlement is strong with this one.
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yta. that "list" of yours is *ridiculous*. anyone who wants to see the baby must bow at your feet, bring tribute, and go to work for you? wtf?
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yta.
and yes, you are using your child as a cash grab. no one is obligated to buy you gifts or takeout. or groceries. it seems like your friends and family are realizing that you don't want them to actually bond with the baby or visit because they are family. you just want things. oh and your house cleaned.
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yta what kind of greedy people are you guys? i thought you were going to say that you weren’t making exceptions on visits before the baby is healthy enough or something. you’re charging people to see your baby? that’s so weird.
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yta. what special tricks does your baby perform to warrant an admission fee? this is literally a cash grab and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
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yta. you just ruined your relationship. your list was reasonable until these.
> if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
that is a cash grab and you both know it. i would avoid you until the baby was an adult at this point. paying to see a baby is not a good relationship.
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omg the mandatory gifts and chores! lmfao
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>if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list
>
>before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing
yta and using your baby as an excuse to behave like the lord & lady of some feudal manor. don't be surprised if your family increasingly ditches your ~~demanded~~ demanding asses behind.
lmao the presumption.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone some rules include -up to date on all vaccines -if you feel anyway sick don’t visit - let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time - no smokers - no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm -you can only stay an hour -no picking up the baby without consent -no adivce -no perfume/deodorant - no is no we won’t explain why - no pictures to be taken or posted on social media - if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing - no more than two visits a week per person it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally. which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (34f) gave birth on christmas day before my sons birth and to lessen visits. we (my husband 28m) made a list in october and sent it out to everyone some rules include -up to date on all vaccines -if you feel anyway sick don’t visit - let us know a week before hand so we can arrange a day/time - no smokers - no phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm -you can only stay an hour -no picking up the baby without consent -no adivce -no perfume/deodorant - no is no we won’t explain why - no pictures to be taken or posted on social media - if you visit the first time you will be expected to give mom (me) a gift card and a gift for baby from out approved list - before you ever come no matter how many times you will be give a list of a ether food or groceries to bring with you and a chore for a list of your choosing - no more than two visits a week per person it’s help to keep the visits to minimum and no one can complain about favouritism because everyone is treated equally. which brings me onto my current situation my sister in law(20f) studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school, so we set up a date with link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like including the chores she can choose from sent immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead, me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment we told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit. she begged even said would clean the whole house because it would be june before she’s would be home again and we simply texted no. she didn’t reply she left this morning and we got multiple texts for my in laws belittling us for using our child as a cash grab, my husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment than told his family they were on a time out and blocked them since than my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. we have tried reaching out to his sister but she won’t reply [/INST] yta. your rules went from 0 to 60. like smoking and vaccines, yeah. but gift cards and chores? the entitlement is strong with this one. </s>
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AITA for not being attracted to my girlfriend’s body?
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i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one.
i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can.
so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.)
i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size.
this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious.
i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse.
she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.).
am i being the asshole here?
| 17,966 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azofrl/aita_for_not_being_attracted_to_my_girlfriends/
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2019-03-11 03:35:24
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yta not for having a preference, but for this shit:
>if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse
what the actual fuck? has nobody on this sub ever heard of a little white lie?
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yta. you can't look at her during sex because of her boobs? really?
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wow yta. you could have been honest and at-least a little polite about it, but nope, you said her small chest is the reason you have her face away from you during sex. she has every right to be mad, just because you’re honest doesn’t make you less of an asshole.
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so you'd tell your girlfriend of three years that you prefer she face away from you when you fuck because her tits are too small...
but you're protecting the internet's delicate sensibilities by censoring the word "boobs" on reddit?
yta for sure, fix your priorities. you're so intent on not telling a white lie even when it deeply hurts someone you supposedly love but you're in essence doing the same thing when it doesn't even matter.
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yta for being rude and hurtful to her.
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yta. you were extremely rude and hurtful, and you've definitely furthered her insecurities about her body. well done.
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yta. not for not being attracted to her small chest - that's something you can't control. but firstly for letting it affect you so much that you can't stand to look at her during sex - surely just having a small chest isn't that hideous -, secondly for telling her the way that you did, and thirdly for not even thinking of how much that would hurt - particularly about something you knew she was sensitive about. you should have focused on what you do love about her.
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yta. my reason is already here in another's comment.
*ps: upvote the shit out of this asshole*
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this can't be real. tell me it's not real. 🤦♀️
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yta
what if she told you she wasn't attracted to your penis size? how would that make you feel?
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one. i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can. so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.) i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size. this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious. i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse. she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.). am i being the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i made an alt account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one. i’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so i’ll try to keep it as pg as i can. so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. we have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.) i will say that she’s the first thin person i’ve ever been with. she’s flat, petite and pretty short. most of the girls i’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and i’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size. this all started when me and my girlfriend were watching netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if i was okay with her having a flat chest. (she’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) i asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that i never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. that kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) she said she was just curious. i told her i had to be honest, and said that i’m not attracted to her chest size, and that i actually prefer bigger b-bs. it’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse. she was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. she texted me later on that night and told me what i said hurt her a little. she said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like i lied to her. i told her i didn’t know what to tell her, and that i was just being honest (i was.). am i being the asshole here? [/INST] yta not for having a preference, but for this shit: >if i’m being honest, that’s why i usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse what the actual fuck? has nobody on this sub ever heard of a little white lie? </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to stop walking around the house shirtless because our toddler is copying him?
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my toddler is going through a phase where he’s copying his dad constantly. one of the things he’s decided to copy is taking off his clothes. i didn’t make the connection that he was copying my husband until recently but i asked my husband if he could stop walking around the house shirtless in front of our son because i wanted to see if it would make him stop doing it too.
he got offended and claims he’s barely ever shirtless in front of our son so that couldn’t be why he’s doing it, which isn’t true. i don’t think this is a big ask since it’s only temporary but he’s refusing to cooperate and is angry at me for even suggesting it.
aita?
| 5,004 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y9575m/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_stop_walking_around/
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2022-10-20 18:00:13
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yta for blaming your husband for something that all toddlers just do.
toddlers all love to take their clothes off and it's developmentally normal. and personally i don't see what the issue is, if a kid wants to walk around without a shirt in the privacy of your own home why does that bother you? let the kid do his thing.
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your child is...a toddler. it's completely developmentally appropriate for them to streak. wait until they're a few years older, and you will be dealing with them showing off/touching their genitals--at home and possibly outside the home if no early intervention is conducted.
are you afraid that your toddler will go outside and do something that you worry will reflect poorly on you as parents? if taking off clothing is the worst of it, people understand that toddlers be toddlin'. and there are ways to modify your tot's behavior that don't require dad to not feel free and comfortable at home. further, it's unwise to let your child's (developmentally appropriate) behaviors run your home.
i kindly suggest buying some parenting books and reading about child development, as this is making a mountain out of a molehill.
yta.
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yta. why do you care about your toddler taking off his shirt in the house?
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this is...just something that toddlers do? is this your first child?
also yta for being upset at your husband for something totally innocuous.
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that's normal behavior for a toddler... you're lucky he's keeping his pants on.
yta
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toddlers are like drunk college students. they will take off their clothes at every whim, for no reason at all, doesn't matter if susie or kyle is doing it, they will just do it. it's a phase. he's a toddler. he will do far worse in public than take off his clothes, i promise you. he'll grow out of it.
yta.
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info- why is a toddler being shirtless an issue?
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i regularly say " you need to keep your underwear on. you don't need to wear your pants in the house but if you want to go outside you need to put them on." it's normal toddler behavior.
yta.
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yta. what’s the big deal with a toddler being shirtless?
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i'm not understanding why boys being shirtless is a problem
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| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my toddler is going through a phase where he’s copying his dad constantly. one of the things he’s decided to copy is taking off his clothes. i didn’t make the connection that he was copying my husband until recently but i asked my husband if he could stop walking around the house shirtless in front of our son because i wanted to see if it would make him stop doing it too. he got offended and claims he’s barely ever shirtless in front of our son so that couldn’t be why he’s doing it, which isn’t true. i don’t think this is a big ask since it’s only temporary but he’s refusing to cooperate and is angry at me for even suggesting it. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my toddler is going through a phase where he’s copying his dad constantly. one of the things he’s decided to copy is taking off his clothes. i didn’t make the connection that he was copying my husband until recently but i asked my husband if he could stop walking around the house shirtless in front of our son because i wanted to see if it would make him stop doing it too. he got offended and claims he’s barely ever shirtless in front of our son so that couldn’t be why he’s doing it, which isn’t true. i don’t think this is a big ask since it’s only temporary but he’s refusing to cooperate and is angry at me for even suggesting it. aita? [/INST] yta for blaming your husband for something that all toddlers just do. toddlers all love to take their clothes off and it's developmentally normal. and personally i don't see what the issue is, if a kid wants to walk around without a shirt in the privacy of your own home why does that bother you? let the kid do his thing. </s>
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AITA For calling my co-worker "chunky" after she repeatedly calls me "slim" and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to.
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i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants.
today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out".
edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's.
| 34,280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bpe2di/aita_for_calling_my_coworker_chunky_after_she/
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2019-05-16 15:37:36
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nta by a long shot. just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. objectification sucks, period.
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gonna go the other way and say nta. she repeatedly body shamed you and refused to stop after repeated requests. you flipped it on her and now she can’t take it? boo fucking hoo.
if a bully repeatedly punches you and you swing back, is that “two wrongs”?
bring on the downvotes.
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[deleted]
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nta
if she can dish it out, she can take it. i hate it when people do the “antagonize until they fight back, then claim to be a victim” crap. if the boss doesn’t care, then fuck her. you’re new at this workplace - continue to stand up for yourself.
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nta - good for goose is good for gander.
but protip - just call her back the exact same name she called you, within like 30 seconds or less of her saying it. then she really cant complain.
plus, fat people don't like to be called toothpick. so you still win.
nta.
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nta - you asked her nicely to stop and she basically told you to fuck off. she doesn’t get to make passive-aggressive remarks and call you skinny names while hiding behind her weight. if she doesn’t want to hear about it she doesn’t get to bring it up herself, let alone engage in it.
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👏👏👏
nta
if you want to turn the conversation away from pointless body shaming, i'd change her nickname to something that conveys the crux of the issue: she's an asshole
"morning, verbally abusive stranger!"
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[removed]
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nta at all. you asked her to stop, and being called "skinny" is not a compliment. play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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yta - should’ve said “morning whale” instead....
jk, definitely nta
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants. today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out". edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. i'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. she is very overweight. all the time she makes comments about my weight. she doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and i even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". i have only worked there 8 days. i have asked her very nicely to stop. yesterday i asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants. today when she said "morning slim" i replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying i'm wrong and i should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". i said as long as she calls me slim, i will call her chunky and now i'm the bad person. aita if i don't apologize? the owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out". edit for more info: we don't have hr. there's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). we are all regular employees. i went to the owner before i called her chunky and i asked him to talk to her because i felt she was harassing me. that's when he said we can handle it ourselves. that's why i called her chunky. i told her to stop calling me slim and i didn't like it and she continued to do it. she didn't stop doing it after i asked multiple times and i didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. she brought up my weight, i brought up her's. [/INST] nta by a long shot. just because she apparently defines herself by her appearance does not give her the right to define you by yours. objectification sucks, period. </s>
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AITA for celebrating my birthday which is the 1 year anniversary of my nephew's death?
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my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated.
my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible.
birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished.
yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that.
in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day).
i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way.
i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram.
i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate.
i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta.
btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday.
aita?
| 27,995 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ww3v9f/aita_for_celebrating_my_birthday_which_is_the_1/
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2022-08-23 23:45:24
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nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again?
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nta
when i read the title i thought you had thrown a big, raucous birthday party. nope. you had dinner with your girlfriend
in no way were you or your partner insensitive to your sister. if anything, i would consider a quiet intimate dinner instead of a large event a very respectful way to acknowledge your birthday without being excessive.
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nta. you didn’t shove your birthday in everyone’s face, you didn’t act like your birthday reigned supreme, you spent time with your sister on a day she needed support and you had a very quiet event with your partner - which you have every right to do. people grieve differently but that doesn’t mean aspects of life still shouldn’t be celebrated. you acted appropriately
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nta. nope. someone else’s death, while sad, doesn’t mean that you do not get to go on living and celebrating. shame on all of them for trying to make you feel guilty about this.
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happy birthday, op. you are allowed to be a little bummed, you are allowed to celebrate, and you are nta. your family is allowed to feel their grief, of course, and unfortunately the day may never be the same for them - but they are not allowed to drag you through the mud for something that isn't remotely your fault.
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nah, i am so glad your girlfriend had a little dinner for you. you don’t deserve to have your birthday forgotten.
your sister is dealing with the first anniversary of loosing her son and lashed out- it was definitely inappropriate, but i wont blame her this year. anger is easier than grief.
your mom is the closest to an ah. she lost her grandson, but it’s also her daughter’s birthday. she can’t let you be forgotten every year, especially when it’s a huge family tradition for everyone else.
happy birthday.
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nta
low key birthday and spending time with the mother is definitely sensitive.
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nta. are you supposed to never celebrate your birthday ever again? i’m sure her grief is overwhelming, but life does have to move on even through the grief.
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nta - when i first read the title, i thought it was going to be about you having a massive party and inviting your family. you did more than your share to comfort your sister on this horribly tragic day for her.
you had every right to celebrate in the privacy of your own home. while your gf maybe could have saved the photo until the next day if she wanted to be extra sensitive, she also did nothing wrong. it’s not like you had a big blowout birthday bash. you celebrated privately and quietly and you deserve to be celebrated on your birthday.
as someone who’s birthday is also associated with tragic family events, i feel for you. it’s a tricky situation to navigate. ultimately, do what’s best for you.
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nta.
historically, there was a custom that you'd grieve for a dead family member for a year (think widows wearing black, etc.) and then after that year you'd resume your life.
i'm here\[1\] to tell you that neither you nor your girlfriend did anything wrong, although it probably would have been prudent for her wait a couple of days to post the pictures. having said that, there is a very fine line here with how you can respond to your mother and sister without running the risk of them staying mad at you. your sister isn't really wrong for being stuck grieving, but she probably needs therapy to get past it.
\[1\] my qualifications: i lost a child in a car accident 14 years ago. wife never really recovered fully, and it took her closer to a year and a half to start functioning again, but she eventually did. she would not have freaked out at someone else celebrating their birthday if it happened to fall on that day, though.
&#x200b;
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) nephew (4m) passed away 1 year ago because of cancer. it was right on my birthday and there was no celebration, there was nothing, because everyone was devastated. my sister denise is still grieving, she's in therapy and making some progress, but it's been slow. my family and i try to be as supportive as possible. birthdays in my family are very important, we throw huge parties, i believe and have been taught that birthdays are important and should be cherished. yesterday was my birthday. obviously i felt bad about the anniversary of my nephew's death, but i was also a little down about not being able to celebrate like i used to and my girlfriend knew that. in the morning, i went to denise's house, stayed by her side until almost lunch time, when my mother would stay with her (we didn't want to leave her alone, but no one could stay all day). i went to work and at night, my girlfriend made a surprise at home with a candlelight dinner and a small cake. something very intimate and for both of us, since my family was in a bad way. i didn't post on social media, but my girlfriend posted a picture of us holding hands and the dinner she made with "happy bday, love". my mom and denise follow her on instagram. i woke up the next day to hundreds of texts from my mom and denise, asking if i was celebrating even though it was such a sad day and how heartless i was to celebrate knowing my sister was in such a bad way. even though i said it was a surprise, they called me cold, heartless and insensitive to the pain of others, saying i should have refused to celebrate. i was just glad i celebrated, because it's something important to me and i didn't even realize when my girlfriend posted this photo on insta. btw, in case you were wondering, none of them remembered it was my birthday. aita? [/INST] nta. you didn't make your mom or your sister celebrate with you. it was you and your so. does denise expect you to never celebrate your birthday again? </s>
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AITA for calling my wife a bully, knowing it would trigger her?
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context: i (m36) work as a bus driver. i've been doing the same route for about five years and i've gotten to know my regulars pretty well to the point where i'd consider most of us friends. i enjoy my job and conversation and socialising comes easily to me. my wife (f36) works in an office and drives so she's never really met any of my regular passengers.
so i've been married for about five years now and we've got two little kids (m4 and f1) and every few weeks we do the big shop where we go to the big asda (wal-mart for you americans!)
everything was fine and we were getting through the list with the kids sat in the trolley when i hear my wife make a noise of disgust and i look up to follow her gaze and see one of my regulars, getting her own shopping done, let's call her l (f27).
l is a goth. very monochrome colour scheme, always in black velvet and lace, black lipstick, powdered white face, some visible tats, the works. but she's a lovely girl, very sweet, works as a sign-language interpreter at a local secondary school, involved with age concern in her spare time and working towards a phd. all-round nice young lady. my wife launches into a snarky tirade about her appearance ("look at that, why would you choose to look like that? just asking for attention then probably complains she can't get a job. she looks like a witch, it's creepy, wouldn't want that in any place of work, probably on drugs, etc etc")
i told her to stop it, as she was being very rude and judgemental but kept going and saying increasingly worse things about l, not even toning down her vitriol in front of the kids. i'll be honest, i wasn't the best guy when i was younger and if i'd seen l when i was in school i probably would have made fun of her too but we're all adults here and i think it's time we left that attitude behind us. even if i didn't know l, i'd think that sort of talk inappropriate, especially as my oldest is very impressionable and due to start school in september and i don't want him thinking that's an acceptable way to behave. my wife was bullied severely during her teen years and she's told me how much of an impact it has to this day.
eventually i just told her to shut up and stop acting like the same bullies that made her life hell when she was in school. she shut up quick. she hasn't spoken to me since and i got an angry text from sil telling me i hurt my wife 'beyond words' and how dare i compare her to her school bullies who traumaised her so badly as a teenager. i've tried explaining my side and how i want to set a good example for the kids and also that l was a friend of mine (who gave us a congratulations card when we had both our children) but neither one will listen and i'm thinking i might have gone too far.
tl;dr my wife went off on a spiteful, judgemental rant about the appearance of someone she doesn't know and i called her bully, knowing her painful history with bullying.
| 19,150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ns7k6u/aita_for_calling_my_wife_a_bully_knowing_it_would/
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2021-06-04 15:17:13
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nta. honestly i could write a bunch of paragraphs but it seems to really just boil down to your wife not liking the fact that you held a mirror up to her personality and she wasn't prepared for the reflection.
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as you're in the uk you should remind your wife about the murder of sophie lancaster and ask her where she thinks the kids who did it learned it was okay to judge people on how they look or dress. you're right to call her out on it because your kids are totally absorbing everything she says. it might be worth sitting down with the eldest and talking about how what mummy said was wrong and how bullying is bad. nta
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nta. she is doing the exact same thing as bullies in her school did, and needs to recognize that.
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nta. your wife is a bully, if she doesn't want to be called one, maybe she shouldn't act as one. what you did is, actually, very good for your children.
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nta. you called your wife out on her behaviour, she just didn’t like being called out. you can’t lie to your spouse, you have to be honest, and be able to talk about the not-so-nice parts of one another. she was, in every definition, being a bully. she was modelling that kind of behaviour for your children. she just did not like you calling out her nasty behaviour.
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nta.
if the bully shoe fits...
she was essentially doing the thing that she was supposedly hurt by to someone else. you called her out on it, which is good. people need to understand how their actions affect others. instead of being mad at you for defending someone, she should look inward to figure out why someone's mere existence bothered her so much.
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nta! it seems like your wife really dug her heels into verbally dragging this girl through the mud when it became clear that *you* weren’t going to be getting on board the bully train; people like comradeship in their bullying and maybe she felt like she really had to double down when it became apparent you weren’t joining in the fun. is your wife generally defensive around people she perceives to be different than her? she’s hurt “beyond words” (which she had plenty of words before though, when she was ready to be a bully and get away with it) because she’s put herself in a corner and unless she admits she was wrong, the only way out of the corner is by kicking. your children are so young, i would really think about setting her down and discussing with her why you feel it’s important the kids don’t grow up thinking that sort of behaviour is acceptable, and maybe ask if there are any lingering troubling feelings she’s harbouring from her days of being bullied. after all, why make fun of someone so vehemently?
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nta
you're right, your wife was being inappropriate and setting a bad example to your kids. considering her experience, to be ranting on like that is almost transference i.e. taking out her experience on someone else who is 'different'.
i guess you could argue that she wasn't berating 'l' directly to her face, but to me that's irrelevant. the wife thought she was justified in being obnoxious and being obnoxious (for no good reason) in front of her own children.
it's horrible to think that her actions may lead your kids to believe that thinking that way is acceptable and vocally denigrating someone is also acceptable (for any reason. let alone something so trivial as you don't like the way someone dresses).
if she wasn't acting like a bully you'd have had no reason to accuse her...she brought those harsh words upon herself. i feel sorry for your kids if that's the way the most formative adult in their lives behaves.
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nta, look i'm usually very empathetic to assholes. and i can't help but feel bad for your wife. was there no other way to tell her to stop? i know you wanted her to cut it out. but the way you phrased it sounds wrong. i'm in no way defending her, but you could've put it this way.
(i'm gonna call her julia)
-julia, c'mon now, how'd you feel if someone talked that way about you. you went through that pain, would you really want to put an innocent soul through that pain? you're better than that. i know so.
still nta but i sympathize with your wife
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nta. she was behaving terribly and you called her out for it. also, what does it have to do with sil? she needs to stay in her lane.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: i (m36) work as a bus driver. i've been doing the same route for about five years and i've gotten to know my regulars pretty well to the point where i'd consider most of us friends. i enjoy my job and conversation and socialising comes easily to me. my wife (f36) works in an office and drives so she's never really met any of my regular passengers. so i've been married for about five years now and we've got two little kids (m4 and f1) and every few weeks we do the big shop where we go to the big asda (wal-mart for you americans!) everything was fine and we were getting through the list with the kids sat in the trolley when i hear my wife make a noise of disgust and i look up to follow her gaze and see one of my regulars, getting her own shopping done, let's call her l (f27). l is a goth. very monochrome colour scheme, always in black velvet and lace, black lipstick, powdered white face, some visible tats, the works. but she's a lovely girl, very sweet, works as a sign-language interpreter at a local secondary school, involved with age concern in her spare time and working towards a phd. all-round nice young lady. my wife launches into a snarky tirade about her appearance ("look at that, why would you choose to look like that? just asking for attention then probably complains she can't get a job. she looks like a witch, it's creepy, wouldn't want that in any place of work, probably on drugs, etc etc") i told her to stop it, as she was being very rude and judgemental but kept going and saying increasingly worse things about l, not even toning down her vitriol in front of the kids. i'll be honest, i wasn't the best guy when i was younger and if i'd seen l when i was in school i probably would have made fun of her too but we're all adults here and i think it's time we left that attitude behind us. even if i didn't know l, i'd think that sort of talk inappropriate, especially as my oldest is very impressionable and due to start school in september and i don't want him thinking that's an acceptable way to behave. my wife was bullied severely during her teen years and she's told me how much of an impact it has to this day. eventually i just told her to shut up and stop acting like the same bullies that made her life hell when she was in school. she shut up quick. she hasn't spoken to me since and i got an angry text from sil telling me i hurt my wife 'beyond words' and how dare i compare her to her school bullies who traumaised her so badly as a teenager. i've tried explaining my side and how i want to set a good example for the kids and also that l was a friend of mine (who gave us a congratulations card when we had both our children) but neither one will listen and i'm thinking i might have gone too far. tl;dr my wife went off on a spiteful, judgemental rant about the appearance of someone she doesn't know and i called her bully, knowing her painful history with bullying.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: i (m36) work as a bus driver. i've been doing the same route for about five years and i've gotten to know my regulars pretty well to the point where i'd consider most of us friends. i enjoy my job and conversation and socialising comes easily to me. my wife (f36) works in an office and drives so she's never really met any of my regular passengers. so i've been married for about five years now and we've got two little kids (m4 and f1) and every few weeks we do the big shop where we go to the big asda (wal-mart for you americans!) everything was fine and we were getting through the list with the kids sat in the trolley when i hear my wife make a noise of disgust and i look up to follow her gaze and see one of my regulars, getting her own shopping done, let's call her l (f27). l is a goth. very monochrome colour scheme, always in black velvet and lace, black lipstick, powdered white face, some visible tats, the works. but she's a lovely girl, very sweet, works as a sign-language interpreter at a local secondary school, involved with age concern in her spare time and working towards a phd. all-round nice young lady. my wife launches into a snarky tirade about her appearance ("look at that, why would you choose to look like that? just asking for attention then probably complains she can't get a job. she looks like a witch, it's creepy, wouldn't want that in any place of work, probably on drugs, etc etc") i told her to stop it, as she was being very rude and judgemental but kept going and saying increasingly worse things about l, not even toning down her vitriol in front of the kids. i'll be honest, i wasn't the best guy when i was younger and if i'd seen l when i was in school i probably would have made fun of her too but we're all adults here and i think it's time we left that attitude behind us. even if i didn't know l, i'd think that sort of talk inappropriate, especially as my oldest is very impressionable and due to start school in september and i don't want him thinking that's an acceptable way to behave. my wife was bullied severely during her teen years and she's told me how much of an impact it has to this day. eventually i just told her to shut up and stop acting like the same bullies that made her life hell when she was in school. she shut up quick. she hasn't spoken to me since and i got an angry text from sil telling me i hurt my wife 'beyond words' and how dare i compare her to her school bullies who traumaised her so badly as a teenager. i've tried explaining my side and how i want to set a good example for the kids and also that l was a friend of mine (who gave us a congratulations card when we had both our children) but neither one will listen and i'm thinking i might have gone too far. tl;dr my wife went off on a spiteful, judgemental rant about the appearance of someone she doesn't know and i called her bully, knowing her painful history with bullying. [/INST] nta. honestly i could write a bunch of paragraphs but it seems to really just boil down to your wife not liking the fact that you held a mirror up to her personality and she wasn't prepared for the reflection. </s>
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AITA for using a gift card I received on something other than what it was intended for?
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i (24m) recently broke up with my long time girlfriend, and moved to a new place by myself. my mother and my grandparents got together to give me a gift card to a fancy store that sells high quality kitchen appliances. they know i need to buy pots, pans, knives etc, so i thanked them and said it was much needed. i found out later that the gift card is actually valid for the whole shopping mall the store is in. i decided to rather spend the gift card in a electronics store to buy a nintendo switch and some new games that i've wanted for a long time, and just buy some low quality kitchen appliances at a cheaper store later.
my mom got really disappointed when she found out, and demands that i return the switch, and use the money on what it was intended on.
i won't do that, if they want to gift me something, they should accept that i have different priorities than them and be happy they could help give me something i really wanted.
aita for keeping the games despite my mom's wishes?
| 3,503 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c58cg7/aita_for_using_a_gift_card_i_received_on/
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2019-06-25 13:10:57
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yta. they gave you that money so you could buy things you *need.* they told you this beforehand so it’s not like they handed you a prepaid visa and expected you to read their minds.
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yta. they pooled their money together so you could have stuff necessary to eat. they didn’t want you to spend it on video games. just because you found a loophole doesn’t justify your actions. i hope this is a lesson to them to not be generous with you in the future.
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yta.
ok, if it had been your birthday or christmas gift, you wouldn't be the asshole. but come on, this was clearly a housewarming gift to buy things for... the house.
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i'm going to say yta, but not in a rude bitchy way. more like "you did a crappy thing".
although you said you have intentions on getting lower quality pots and pans, choosing to buy a video game does make your priorities look jumbled. the card was bought to help you with your needs, not wants. if the card was for your wants, and your wants changed, that would be different.
i think you should return the game and get the nice pots and pans. you'll realize years from now how nice they hold up instead of getting the cheaper ones and it's an expense you can avoid again in the future. also, if your parents were nice enough to buy the card and they see you using it responsibly, they may be more likely to assist you in the future if needed. if they know you just take their money and blow it on non essentials, they may choose to never help you again.
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yta
&#x200b;
..you're 24?? sorry op, that sounds like something someone half your age would do. if your mother wanted you to spend your money on whatever, she would have given you money, not a gift card. the gift was the kitchen appliances, because you **needed** them. not a console.
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yta. they got you a gift card so you could pick out what pots and pans you wanted, not so you can buy a switch. what you did cheapens the gesture of buying you a gift and takes away the satisfaction they would have gotten from seeing your nice new pots and pans. if you want video games, buy them with your own money.
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[removed]
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yta. good kitchen supplies will last far longer than a nintendo switch. if you really wanted a switch, you should have saved some money to buy it, not using the gift cards intended for house warming gifts.
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[deleted]
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yta. perhaps you should have used the gift card for the purpose it was intended (to buy things you actually need) and buy the switch with your own money. the money you would have saved by using the generous gift from your family.
if this is typical behavior for you, i think we might know why you broke up with your girlfriend and ended up with nothing practical/useful after the breakup.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24m) recently broke up with my long time girlfriend, and moved to a new place by myself. my mother and my grandparents got together to give me a gift card to a fancy store that sells high quality kitchen appliances. they know i need to buy pots, pans, knives etc, so i thanked them and said it was much needed. i found out later that the gift card is actually valid for the whole shopping mall the store is in. i decided to rather spend the gift card in a electronics store to buy a nintendo switch and some new games that i've wanted for a long time, and just buy some low quality kitchen appliances at a cheaper store later. my mom got really disappointed when she found out, and demands that i return the switch, and use the money on what it was intended on. i won't do that, if they want to gift me something, they should accept that i have different priorities than them and be happy they could help give me something i really wanted. aita for keeping the games despite my mom's wishes?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) recently broke up with my long time girlfriend, and moved to a new place by myself. my mother and my grandparents got together to give me a gift card to a fancy store that sells high quality kitchen appliances. they know i need to buy pots, pans, knives etc, so i thanked them and said it was much needed. i found out later that the gift card is actually valid for the whole shopping mall the store is in. i decided to rather spend the gift card in a electronics store to buy a nintendo switch and some new games that i've wanted for a long time, and just buy some low quality kitchen appliances at a cheaper store later. my mom got really disappointed when she found out, and demands that i return the switch, and use the money on what it was intended on. i won't do that, if they want to gift me something, they should accept that i have different priorities than them and be happy they could help give me something i really wanted. aita for keeping the games despite my mom's wishes? [/INST] yta. they gave you that money so you could buy things you *need.* they told you this beforehand so it’s not like they handed you a prepaid visa and expected you to read their minds. </s>
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AITA for making fun of a white girl for being poor because she was being racist?
|
i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days.
so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting.
my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?”
other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me.
i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.”
other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.
| 39,630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icmq68/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_white_girl_for_being/
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2020-08-19 12:31:22
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nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop.
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nta in my opinion. i was made fun of for being gay as a kid, and developed a sharp tongue by way of defense. i would often get in trouble for making kids cry, even though i was defending just myself. just be careful how you hurt people and recognize that you have power and yield it with responsibility.
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your last sentence answered your own question.
1. it apparently worked, so who cares.
2. burning bridges on your way out can be fun.
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nta
girl “ you’re a *slur* do you eat bats?”
*roar of laughter*
you “you’re poor”
“omg she can’t control that” “meany”
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nta it seems like you put up with a lot, i’m sorry. while you clearly know it’s not good to stoop to a bullies level, this girl had it coming after all the nasty shit she said. people can only tolerate so much abuse before lashing out, maybe she’ll learn that.
at least she’s left you alone and you’re switching schools.
also your school is ta for not taking her behaviour more seriously.
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technically it‘d be everybody sucks because you know “she started it“ doesn’t make anyone look good but i can’t say i blame you for reacting this way. you tried solving it the right way, it didn’t work, so even though you were *an* ah too, you‘re still nta in this moment.
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nta serves that bully right. she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. i agree that you shouldn’t make fun someone for something they can’t change, but some people can’t see how painful it is until they experience it themselves.
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nta
yeah two wrongs dont make a right but this was the only way to get her to stfu.
don’t dish stuff out if you can’t take stuff back
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if racist you be, get no sympathy from me
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nta. i see the esh comments and i don't think you were being racist, because:
1. you specifically pointed out her condition. you were mean, yes, but that was a response to the racism you were experiencing.
2. poor white people may not understand the concept of privilege but they are, ultimately, white. a poor white person often refuses to acknowledge the struggles of a person of color while crying hoarse about how they've been struggling all their life (that's not to say their struggles are not important but acknowledgement of the other is absent). in general, they don't seem to show ally-ship and have shown little or no empathy. some sets of stereotypes get more shit than others, that is a social-scientific fact (which is why intersectionality in social issues is important).
your school is the biggest ah for dropping the complaint. is there a higher authority you can go to?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m asian, more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade, which has been absolutely fun these days. so the girl in question, has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown, when she dmed and said “did the bat taste good? thanks a lot you fucking freak”. i reported her to my school, and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high, and she couldn’t be blamed because her uncle had corona, some bs like that. then i got repeated messages like that from fake/newly created accounts, that i suspect were from her, and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn’t reacting. my school district has chosen to do in person, massively dumb imo, but whatever. on the literal second day of school, she walks up to me while i’m in the lunch line and says in a thick asian accent, “are you eating bat dumpring or dog noodle?” other people around me fucking laughed, and i’m sure i don’t have to explain this, but i felt fucking humiliated. it finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while, and she comes back as soon as school starts, and i already know my school administration isn’t going to go to bat for me. i don’t know a lot about this girl, since obviously i try to avoid her, but i did know that she had shitty teeth, lived in a trailer, and was very poor. i’m ashamed to have stooped to this, but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once, so i said, “i’d be less concerned with what i’m eating if i were you, and more worried about your diet, since you’re the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water. stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can’t afford healthcare.” other students nearby told me i went too far because “it wasn’t her fault she was poor” like it was my fault i was asian?!?! she literally fucking cried, like i didn’t cry everytime she called me a fucking chink. she’s left me alone ever since though, which doesn’t matter since i plan on transferring anyways. [/INST] nta, backing down to bullies never works, you have to hit back or they never stop. </s>
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AITA for eating my husband's entire birthday cake by myself?
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i'll preface this by saying that my husband's family and i don't get along, like at all. we're rarely ever on good terms and for my mental health i decided to put distance between us. especially after i was blamed for my most recent miscarriage (that happened 3 months ago). my husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. for me, i don't attend any of their events not even thanksgiving nor christmas.
my husband's 30th birthday was 2 days ago. i planned to celebrate with him. i bought a cake and a gift but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday and he *"really really really"* wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others. we had an argument over this but he told me to wait for him til he finish celebrating there with his family then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake.
after he left i felt so terrible. i called him but he turned his phone off. i was so mad i took the cake and brought it to the living room and started eating from it. i ate the whole thing not saving him a single piece (guess i was so angry and it made me hungry). he came home and saw what i did and blew up saying i did this to spiteful and to punish him for not "ditching his family on his birthday" like i "wanted him to". i reminded him i paid for the cake but he called me petty and nuts. he ranted and ranted then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake and what i did was 10 times worse.
he's been upset with me ever since. aita?
| 19,918 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z85fyo/aita_for_eating_my_husbands_entire_birthday_cake/
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2022-11-29 20:40:00
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nta
what kind of person prioritizes, let alone speaks to people that blamed his wife for miscarrying? these are horrible people; you are wise to avoid them and definitely deserved a whole cake while he deserved nothing.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
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nta.
the second they blamed you for having a miscarriage, your husband should’ve very firmly put distance between him and his toxic family, and stood behind you.
that he’d choose them over you repeatedly, shows just how little you matter to him.
a good husband would never allow anyone to blame his wife for a miscarriage, much less his own family. and if he wanted to eat birthday cake with you, he shouldn’t have chosen them over you again.
men need to understand the second they get married their wife becomes their nuclear family and always comes first.
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honey, this is not about the cake. it’s about him choosing his horrible family over you. wake up and either demand counseling to make him realize he’s a total ass or get a divorce lawyer.
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nta because this simply at this point isn’t about the cake anymore
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nta - his family blames you for a miscarriage and he still okay with talking to them? you tried to throw a small party and it wasn’t good enough for him, his family’s are “like no other.” he should’ve gotten cake before the kids if it was so important to him. he got pissed and yelled over a cake.
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nta
there are so many red flags here i don't know where to begin. your in-laws blame you for a miscarriage? i'm so, so sorry. if your husband isn't supporting you right now, he is the problem (it goes without saying that your in-laws are a massive problem).
then he throws a hissy fit about birthday cake after fighting and losing a different battle over a different cake with children???
you should sit down for this one: your problems are large enough for a divorce lawyer, not reddit.
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this isn’t about the cake
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esh
you: for assuming he ***wouldn't*** celebrate with his family and not communicating that you wanted to celebrate with him before checking about his family's big parties (which are apparently a regular even), throwing a tantrum when he did, then saying the cake you bought for him was your money. none of that is good behavior.
him: for choosing to celebrate with his family over you 3 months after a miscarriage, caring so much about a cake than what seems to be a serious gaping wound in your marriage.
hate to say it, but unless yall get to work asap fixing things this relationship seems pretty much over, and it's nothing at all to do with this cake.
|
esh
your in-laws suck for the way they treat you. blaming someone for a miscarriage is horrendous. there are no excuses for that and you're justified in cutting them out.
your husband sucks for not approaching this issue like an adult and, it seems, for not standing up for you when his family are being arseholes. editing in that he sucks a very great deal for turning his phone off, creating the problem then having a go at the op. he sucks the most in my view.
you, op, also suck just a little. eating the whole cake was spiteful and acting out of spite always makes you an arsehole. it may also have been that after spending time with his family, your husband was really looking forward to that quiet time with you and values it.
it seems like the two of you have some work to do on your relationship.
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nta. if someone blamed my wife for a miscarriage they wouldn’t be in our lives anymore, family or not.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll preface this by saying that my husband's family and i don't get along, like at all. we're rarely ever on good terms and for my mental health i decided to put distance between us. especially after i was blamed for my most recent miscarriage (that happened 3 months ago). my husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. for me, i don't attend any of their events not even thanksgiving nor christmas. my husband's 30th birthday was 2 days ago. i planned to celebrate with him. i bought a cake and a gift but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday and he *"really really really"* wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others. we had an argument over this but he told me to wait for him til he finish celebrating there with his family then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake. after he left i felt so terrible. i called him but he turned his phone off. i was so mad i took the cake and brought it to the living room and started eating from it. i ate the whole thing not saving him a single piece (guess i was so angry and it made me hungry). he came home and saw what i did and blew up saying i did this to spiteful and to punish him for not "ditching his family on his birthday" like i "wanted him to". i reminded him i paid for the cake but he called me petty and nuts. he ranted and ranted then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake and what i did was 10 times worse. he's been upset with me ever since. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll preface this by saying that my husband's family and i don't get along, like at all. we're rarely ever on good terms and for my mental health i decided to put distance between us. especially after i was blamed for my most recent miscarriage (that happened 3 months ago). my husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. for me, i don't attend any of their events not even thanksgiving nor christmas. my husband's 30th birthday was 2 days ago. i planned to celebrate with him. i bought a cake and a gift but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday and he *"really really really"* wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others. we had an argument over this but he told me to wait for him til he finish celebrating there with his family then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake. after he left i felt so terrible. i called him but he turned his phone off. i was so mad i took the cake and brought it to the living room and started eating from it. i ate the whole thing not saving him a single piece (guess i was so angry and it made me hungry). he came home and saw what i did and blew up saying i did this to spiteful and to punish him for not "ditching his family on his birthday" like i "wanted him to". i reminded him i paid for the cake but he called me petty and nuts. he ranted and ranted then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake and what i did was 10 times worse. he's been upset with me ever since. aita? [/INST] nta what kind of person prioritizes, let alone speaks to people that blamed his wife for miscarrying? these are horrible people; you are wise to avoid them and definitely deserved a whole cake while he deserved nothing. i'm so sorry for your loss. </s>
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AITA For tricking my parents into being on time for my wedding.
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my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times.
graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality.
i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced.
we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything.
my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera.
so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine.
when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony.
my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff.
when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it.
the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception.
the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late.
she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation.
my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny.
i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation.
she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known.
aita,?
edit
part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home.
edit number two.
yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge.
edit three.
stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago.
| 25,922 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x2fpbv/aita_for_tricking_my_parents_into_being_on_time/
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2022-08-31 14:55:46
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nta - how can she complain? if you had sent her an invite with the real time then she would have been 45 minutes late. she should appreciate the fact that you wanted her to be there enough that you took the time to make her a special invite to ensure she arrived on time.
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nta
she is embarrassed because she has a problem showing up on time and you proved it.
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just keep repeating that she was 45 minutes late
flat out tell her that had you not lied to her, she would have missed your wedding and that not only will you never apologize for doing what you did, you want an apology from her for being 45 minutes late in the first place
nta
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nta.
op's mother: **why didn't you trust me to be on time!**
op's mother: -proceeds to arrive late-
logic? gone.
hotel? trivago.
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nta
nicely played imo
your mum should be ashamed of herself for being so self involved thatcshe does not value anyone else.
if she tries to get huffy keep putting it back on her...this is a consequence of her behaviour and she should be tha king you for knowing her so well that you went the extra mile so,she could be there on time.
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nta but realistically prepare for them to be even later from now on because she doesn't know if you're providing the real time
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nta but i don't understand why everyone is catering to someone who is consistently very late for everything. you have a time to light the grill, then light the damned grill, why should everyone sit around hungry because one person is inconsiderate. she shows up after everyone has eaten, show mom where the leftover food is stored. she is late for a dinner, dance, movie, whatever...proceed without her. she has trained all of you that she is the most important person ever.
now i do understand about the wedding, even tho i am gritting my teeth about that, lol. but why does everyone think her time is more important than their own?
i was months-married, (he was not late in 2 years of dating) and he made us late for my nephew's wedding vows. that was it. never again. he wasn't ready? i left on time, told everyone "he's late so i told him to not show up". not ready for christmas at my parents' house? tough noogies, i enjoyed christmas day and didn't bring home his christmas gifts. "**if you are going to be late, don't bother showing up" and i meant it**. my husband caught on fast and after only a few incidents of being left out (and banned from showing up late), he's been on time or even early the past 37 years, lol. **
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nta.
this is exactly how my family manages my aunt. lie and give her a time 30-60 minutes earlier. she's still frequently late.
all your mom did was prove that it was necessary. if she's insulted by that, she should adjust her behavior instead of lashing out.
ywbta, if she had shown up "on time" and waited around for an hour. but that's not what happened.
she would've been an hour late for your wedding if not for you, remind her of that.
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you're not an asshole for the fake invitation. it did the trick, right? if they *weren't* 45 minutes late according to the time stated on the invite, i might be inclined to agree it was an asshole move, but they were, so it's justified.
the question is (info) how did john and the rest of the people *know* that your parents had a fake time on their invite? if you told everyone *but* your parents, i can understand your parents being ticked off about being the butt of a big joke.
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nta. you should show her this thread honestly. i use to be notoriously late for everything...when i was 21. my boyfriend now husband stopped one day and literally had to say. i need you to respect me and acknowledge my time is also valuable as is the time of the people we are seeing. im never late now. i recognize that everyone's time is valuable... i can't imagine your sister waiting backstage to go dance and not see her family in the audience:(
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times. graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality. i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced. we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything. my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera. so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine. when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony. my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff. when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it. the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception. the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late. she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation. my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny. i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation. she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known. aita,? edit part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home. edit number two. yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge. edit three. stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (m33) parents are late for everything. like everything. both of my sister's and myself have been disappointed so many times. graduation ceremonies, birthday parties, even my father's retirement dinner. it is completely my mother's fault. she is a wonderful mother and i love her dearly, she just does not understand the concept of punctuality. i have seen her talking to her sister on the phone and reminded her she needed to be at my baby sister's dance recital. she waved me off and arrived after my sister had danced. we are all used to it. my dad is just done trying to get her to be on time for anything. my now wife (f28) told me in no uncertain terms that if my mother was late for our wedding she would do terrible things to me. she was only half joking. but she was a witness to my mom and dad arriving halfway through my cousin's quinceañera. so here is what i did. it is completely on me. me wife was not involved. if there is a dick move it was completely mine. when we were getting samples for the wedding i talked to the printer and had one special invitation printed with the time on it stated s being one hour earlier than the actual start time of the ceremony. my mother was beside herself apparently when they left the house and thought they were going to miss the wedding since she was a part of it with her and my mil lighting the candles we would use to light the unity candle and stuff. when she arrived and noticed other people were also just arriving and parking she was so relieved that we were starting late that she just went with it. the ceremony went off beautifully. and so did the wedding pictures and the reception. the problem came last sunday. my parents came over for a big family dinner and we didn't bother starting the grill until they showed up. she asked why everyone wasn't eating and we just said we knew we would be waiting for them since they are always late. she said that she was not always late and had been on time for my wedding. she hadn't been. they arrived 45 minutes after the time on their invitation. my idiot cousin john, real name because it's common and he deserves people to know he is a dolt, snorted at her statement. a few other people giggled or smiled at this and she picked up and asked what was so funny. i came clean and told her about the "special" invitation. she is pissed at me for not trusting her and making her look foolish in front of everyone. if my cousin had just controlled himself she never would have known. aita,? edit part of the reason she is mad is because she had her invitation framed. to be honest i was already planning a heist with my sisters to replace it with the real one in case she ever noticed the discrepancy between hers and the one we have framed in our home. edit number two. yeah we are latinos. and no i do not in any way consider it racist how many of you guessed that. i have been to spain and it's an issue there too. and the philippines. basically anywhere those guys were in charge. edit three. stop defending john. he and i have spent thirty years messing with each other. i have an aita story that ends with me getting an offensive tattoo ($5,000 for removal) and him getting a body cavity search at the mexican border. i would post it but it happened like ten years ago. [/INST] nta - how can she complain? if you had sent her an invite with the real time then she would have been 45 minutes late. she should appreciate the fact that you wanted her to be there enough that you took the time to make her a special invite to ensure she arrived on time. </s>
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AITA for sleeping in my roommates bed for a week after my boyfriend puked red wine all over mine?
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my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other.
at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep.
the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week.
she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita?
| 11,315 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0yque/aita_for_sleeping_in_my_roommates_bed_for_a_week/
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2020-06-11 12:52:59
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yta
changing her sheets would be the least you should do. i’d be demanding you vacuum my mattress as well.
and it’s pretty disgusting not washing the puked on sheets either.
if you & your bf can’t handle alcohol or the aftermath, maybe don’t drink.
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yta
not your bed you shouldn't have slept in it.
one night wouldn't have been terrible but a whole week in someone else's bed because you didn't want to wash your sheets is just plain rude.
sorry to say but your room mate is right. you're a slob.
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yta my god.
>my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well.
>i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other.
why would you continue to type further? this was enough info alone. you don't sleep in someone's bed who you don't even consider to be a friend, and even if it were a friend you should at least have the decency to ask. let alone bring your boyfriend into her bed as well along with sleeping in her bed for a week after then refusing to clean the sheets because it's "her" bed that had no permission to use? what told you that's okay?
perhaps you should move back in with your parents so they can teach you proper manners. christ.
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yta and clean up after yourself! it shouldn’t take a week to wash a sheet.
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yta holy wow.
1. who the fuck leaves puke for a week and doesn't clean it?
2. especially if it was puked on the bed?!?! i own a waterproof mattress protector and i'd clean that shit immediately to make sure it doesnt soak through. or at the very least throw that shit away?
3. how did you stand that smell for a week?
4. you never even asked/told her you used the bed.
5. i learned growing up that when you use someone else's stuff, you should return in the same state or a better state than you found it. that means after you use your roommates bed and shed your dead skin cells all over it, you should clean it.
this can't be real.
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yta
you didn't wash puked on sheets for a week, used your roommates bed without consent and then refuse to clean her bedsheets when she gets home
you are indeed a slob, wash the sheets
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yta. wtf is wrong with you. wash your dirty ass sheets
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yta . what you did is disrespectful and nasty.
a bed is a personal space. you drool there. you have body odor that impregnates in the sheets. people like their bed to be in a certain way before getting in it. you also slept with your boyfriend in there too... so just multiply the problems i mentioned. oh, also, global pandemic...?
how do you just leave vomit on a bed? that says a lot about you and your poor hygiene. be decent. clean her sheets.
about your roommate: good for her. she deserves better. disgusting af.
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yta. you crossed a huge boundary, and then you even refused to clean up after yourself (which should be the bare minimum). i would be looking for a new roommate too if i was her.
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yta - you absolutely crossed the line and absolutely should wash her sheets. you should wash yours as well. you left sheets on your bed that had puke on them for a whole week?? that’s disgusting.
you don’t sleep in someone else’s bed without their permission.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other. at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep. the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week. she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my roommate and i (both 20f) don’t know each other that well. we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year, so set us up. we’re not in the apartment at the same time very often, so i wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we don’t dislike each other. at the beginning of last week, my roommate told me she was going to go back to her hometown (about 2 hours away) because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family. i said okay, see you when you’re back, the usual. that night, i invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk, which resulted in him puking red wine all over my bed. it was like 3am at this point, and i was tipsy, so i dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep. the next morning my boyfriend went home, but i was hungover and didn’t want to wash my sheets yet, so i just stayed in my roommates bed. i ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week. she came back to the apartment on monday whilst i was out shopping, and i came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed. i told her that i’d been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke, expecting her to just find it amusing, but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because i didn’t wash my sheets. she then demanded i change her sheets because my boyfriend and i had both slept in them and i refused saying they were hers so she should clean them. she’s now saying that i crossed a line and that she’s going to start looking for a new roommate. aita? [/INST] yta changing her sheets would be the least you should do. i’d be demanding you vacuum my mattress as well. and it’s pretty disgusting not washing the puked on sheets either. if you & your bf can’t handle alcohol or the aftermath, maybe don’t drink. </s>
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AITA for proposing to my now fiancée with the ring I was going to give my ex?
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a couple years ago i was in a serious relationship with my then girlfriend. the time came and i bought a nice engagement ring for her. the ring had one big diamond in the middle and then two smaller diamonds on the side. costed me an arm and a leg but it was the only ring that caught my eye so i bought it. my then girlfriend knew about the ring because of the fitting but she never wore the completed version of it nor did i end up proposing to her. our relationship ended and i kept the ring because it's still a nice ring.
i met my now fiancée 3 years ago and then proposed to her last year with that ring. she loved the ring and always bragged about it to her friends. last night we were trying to pull an all nighter watching movies. i don't know if anyone has watched leap year here (shitty movie) but we got to the end where declan proposed and my fiancée couldn't stop analyzing the way he did it, comparing him to me. we started talking about the way i proposed then moved onto the ring. she thanked me and said something about how beautiful it was and i accidentally said something like "i'm just glad i didn't sell it five years ago". she questioned me about what i meant by 5 years and sell so i told her the truth. she went all mad and told me that i was a cheap asshole trying to give her a hand-me-down ring. she took it off, opened the window, tossed it out and locked herself in our bedroom.
i'm still outside now, hours later, trying to look for the bloody ring/giving her space. i don't even knoe what i'm going to do when i find it. do i give it back or do i keep it for the next girl? (just kidding! it's a joke). i sort of understand where she's coming from but really? it's still a nice ring and i spent months trying to think of a special to engrave on it just for her. besides, an engagement ring is only temporary so i don't understand the big fus. aita?
| 3,608 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gd97bm/aita_for_proposing_to_my_now_fiancée_with_the/
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2020-05-04 10:33:43
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yta you are basically saying that you put no thought into the ring for her
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esh - dude, i get it for the saving money. but she will never see the ring as something you bought for her. it will always be the ring you bought for your ex. that’s the issue. i’d be hurt and wouldn’t be happy wearing a ring someone bought for someone else.
also she shouldn’t have thrown it out. that’s ridiculous. i hope you find it.
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yta. way to make a girl feel like she's second best...
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yta, that's not the kind if thing you recycle for the next girl. and not sure where you got the idea that it's temporary.
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a woman's perspective: uhhh, it rubs me the wrong way. you obviously don't understand the importance of an engagement ring to a girl. first of all, you should get a gift with a specific person in mind. it's not what you like, it's about knowing your partner and matching their unique style and taste. when she was happy about it being beautiful she probably was also happy about you being able to match her tastes because you listen to her and care about her enough to put effort into figuring out what she'd like. that just went out the window, haha. now she thinks you did it all for your ex and not her and she's not only getting a second-hand ring but also second-hand feelings. i'd honestly be mortified.
you obviously had no idea how big of a no-no this can be, otherwise you wouldn't have done it or you'd never let it slip, especially in such a casual way. but it doesn't change the fact that it is a big ass no-no. i honestly have no idea how you could fix that situation. maybe come up with something like "i chose it and my ex didn't even like it and i know it would fit the girl of my life and you loved it so it means we're matched perfectly but if you hate it so much we will sell it and i'll buy you whatever you want". good luck finding it.
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yta. you probably should've checked about how she'd feel about having a ring meant for someone else that you loved. maybe should've gotten the ring changed a bit before giving it to her so at least it wouldnt be the exact same ring. it would've been personalised a bit. i do think she was an asshole for throwing it out the window though, like still an expensive ring.
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[deleted]
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esh. as a woman, i can absolutely see why that would upset her. she feels like you didn't put any effort towards choosing a ring specifically for her. that kind of thing is a big deal to most women. that being said, her reaction was way out of proportion imo.
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yta. you did this to save money, looking at your responses about how she won't wear this and it's temporary until she gets married to you.
how can she treasure her engagement ring knowing it wasn't even meant for her? how can she know you wanted to propose and didn't just do it because you didn't chuck away an engagement ring 5 years ago? you didn't shop for this ring whilst thinking about what she likes in her jewellery and curating it for her specifically. you just put an engraving on it. your ex probably would laugh and share with her friends if she saw your gf share a pic or smth. i'm inclined to think this must be trolling...
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yta- duuuuuuuuude why?????
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a couple years ago i was in a serious relationship with my then girlfriend. the time came and i bought a nice engagement ring for her. the ring had one big diamond in the middle and then two smaller diamonds on the side. costed me an arm and a leg but it was the only ring that caught my eye so i bought it. my then girlfriend knew about the ring because of the fitting but she never wore the completed version of it nor did i end up proposing to her. our relationship ended and i kept the ring because it's still a nice ring. i met my now fiancée 3 years ago and then proposed to her last year with that ring. she loved the ring and always bragged about it to her friends. last night we were trying to pull an all nighter watching movies. i don't know if anyone has watched leap year here (shitty movie) but we got to the end where declan proposed and my fiancée couldn't stop analyzing the way he did it, comparing him to me. we started talking about the way i proposed then moved onto the ring. she thanked me and said something about how beautiful it was and i accidentally said something like "i'm just glad i didn't sell it five years ago". she questioned me about what i meant by 5 years and sell so i told her the truth. she went all mad and told me that i was a cheap asshole trying to give her a hand-me-down ring. she took it off, opened the window, tossed it out and locked herself in our bedroom. i'm still outside now, hours later, trying to look for the bloody ring/giving her space. i don't even knoe what i'm going to do when i find it. do i give it back or do i keep it for the next girl? (just kidding! it's a joke). i sort of understand where she's coming from but really? it's still a nice ring and i spent months trying to think of a special to engrave on it just for her. besides, an engagement ring is only temporary so i don't understand the big fus. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a couple years ago i was in a serious relationship with my then girlfriend. the time came and i bought a nice engagement ring for her. the ring had one big diamond in the middle and then two smaller diamonds on the side. costed me an arm and a leg but it was the only ring that caught my eye so i bought it. my then girlfriend knew about the ring because of the fitting but she never wore the completed version of it nor did i end up proposing to her. our relationship ended and i kept the ring because it's still a nice ring. i met my now fiancée 3 years ago and then proposed to her last year with that ring. she loved the ring and always bragged about it to her friends. last night we were trying to pull an all nighter watching movies. i don't know if anyone has watched leap year here (shitty movie) but we got to the end where declan proposed and my fiancée couldn't stop analyzing the way he did it, comparing him to me. we started talking about the way i proposed then moved onto the ring. she thanked me and said something about how beautiful it was and i accidentally said something like "i'm just glad i didn't sell it five years ago". she questioned me about what i meant by 5 years and sell so i told her the truth. she went all mad and told me that i was a cheap asshole trying to give her a hand-me-down ring. she took it off, opened the window, tossed it out and locked herself in our bedroom. i'm still outside now, hours later, trying to look for the bloody ring/giving her space. i don't even knoe what i'm going to do when i find it. do i give it back or do i keep it for the next girl? (just kidding! it's a joke). i sort of understand where she's coming from but really? it's still a nice ring and i spent months trying to think of a special to engrave on it just for her. besides, an engagement ring is only temporary so i don't understand the big fus. aita? [/INST] yta you are basically saying that you put no thought into the ring for her </s>
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AITA for wanting to name my child after my ex
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to make this short and spare myself the tears, i’ll make this situation as fast as possible.
backstory: during my college years, i found someone that i really loved. i really thought that i was gonna be getting married with her. i don’t want to go into details, but she passed away while we we together. it was the worst pain that i had ever felt.
now, i’m a 24 year old guy, my fiancée (24) is pregnant with our first child. she’s due in about 3 months and we’ve been trying to come up with names for our baby girl. i had an idea in mind the second i found out that she was pregnant. i tried not to tell her about it to avoid any problems, but as time went by, my fiancée hadn’t approved of any name yet. last night i told her if we could name our daughter (ex’s name) and she completely freaked out. she went on about how she would never name our daughter that and that her feelings meant nothing to me. i tried defending myself and said that our daughters name should mean something, which she got even more mad at. she said some insults and then locked the door to our room.
i tried apologizing, but i was ignored most of the time. i’m just curious, i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita?
| 3,694 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fd6a1h/aita_for_wanting_to_name_my_child_after_my_ex/
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2020-03-04 02:42:49
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yta. basically you validated your fiancee's private fears that you can never love another as you did your ex and that she will will continue to haunt your lives together forever. the ex has gone. cherish the memory privately and respect that this suggest was ass-handed. you didn't think it through, despite saying it was on your mind so long. find a place or thing cherished by your current relationship and see if that can guide you toward a name. don't mine your past for one. not cool, dude.
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i could be wrong but yta and maybe it’s selfish of me but i don’t want to look at my child knowing she’s named after a big love of my partner - even if she died. i wouldn’t want that presence in my relationship and my daughter knowing that story. i don’t blame your fiancé for being so upset.
im really sorry you lost someone you love. that really sucks but most people don’t want to live w ghosts - especially ones they feel they don’t probably match up to.
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yta, i get she was someone who was special in your life. but, to your wife she’s someone you would still be with if life had gone differently. it’s a way of telling your wife that she’s the second choice. you’re not trying to be mean, but i know i would be so deeply hurt if it was my partner doing that.
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oh shit yta
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yta - it’s a difficult situation emotionally for everyone involved but yeah yta. it’s really an insensitive thing to ask your current partner... i mean if it was me i’d be constantly worried that you’d be carrying a torch for your past love and especially with the stress of being pregnant. you’re asking your partner to constantly be reminded of the person you wanted to be with before her but the opportunity was tragically lost. meaningful is one thing but in what possible way did you think that would be a positive meaningful name for your so at all? i’m a little flabbergasted tbh.
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yta. there are millions of names in the world. i don’t see your exes name being appropriate to name your child with a different partner. it’s just not the appropriate way to memorialize her. i might not be pissed if i were your current partner, but i sure as hell would say no to that name. it’s not just your child, it’s her child too, and that name doesn’t mean anything to her personally....this is just weird all around and i don’t see how you couldn’t have seen this mess coming.
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yta, sorry. your partner doesn't want her kids to be a tribute to your ex, and i think it would be uncomfortable for your daughter as she got older too.
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gentle yta. i get it. i lost a partner and named a subsequent child after him (i was single, though, there wasn't a partner displaced by that decision). twenty-something years on, i regret it. it's this middle name my kid drags around with him that has nothing to do with him, the family he grew up in, the man he knows as his father, it's just a bit of weight he carries from my life before he was even born, from a time of life when i wasn't even the mother he knows and loves. give your child a name that is either about her own family and life, or devoid of baggage that she can use as a clean slate.
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yta. this relationship is completely separate from your new one. you can continue to process your feelings of loss in a healthy manner and discuss it with your partner and receive support from her, but while she empathizes, she is not mourning.
she does not want to memorialize a stranger with the birth of her child.
her reaction shows the insecurity she feels about your relationship vs the one with your ex. even in your description here, you told the internet world your perfect love with your ex but no credit thrown to your new relationship. is it possible she has heard too much glowing praise over your last relationship and very little about the one you share?
if you haven't spoken to a grief counselor, it may help you work through some of this and be able to discuss it less with your current spouse.
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yta if you think a name should mean something, think about what this name means to your fiancé. that if the other woman hadn’t died, you and this baby would not be in her life? dude, no woman wants to name their child after a romantic rival. come on!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to make this short and spare myself the tears, i’ll make this situation as fast as possible. backstory: during my college years, i found someone that i really loved. i really thought that i was gonna be getting married with her. i don’t want to go into details, but she passed away while we we together. it was the worst pain that i had ever felt. now, i’m a 24 year old guy, my fiancée (24) is pregnant with our first child. she’s due in about 3 months and we’ve been trying to come up with names for our baby girl. i had an idea in mind the second i found out that she was pregnant. i tried not to tell her about it to avoid any problems, but as time went by, my fiancée hadn’t approved of any name yet. last night i told her if we could name our daughter (ex’s name) and she completely freaked out. she went on about how she would never name our daughter that and that her feelings meant nothing to me. i tried defending myself and said that our daughters name should mean something, which she got even more mad at. she said some insults and then locked the door to our room. i tried apologizing, but i was ignored most of the time. i’m just curious, i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to make this short and spare myself the tears, i’ll make this situation as fast as possible. backstory: during my college years, i found someone that i really loved. i really thought that i was gonna be getting married with her. i don’t want to go into details, but she passed away while we we together. it was the worst pain that i had ever felt. now, i’m a 24 year old guy, my fiancée (24) is pregnant with our first child. she’s due in about 3 months and we’ve been trying to come up with names for our baby girl. i had an idea in mind the second i found out that she was pregnant. i tried not to tell her about it to avoid any problems, but as time went by, my fiancée hadn’t approved of any name yet. last night i told her if we could name our daughter (ex’s name) and she completely freaked out. she went on about how she would never name our daughter that and that her feelings meant nothing to me. i tried defending myself and said that our daughters name should mean something, which she got even more mad at. she said some insults and then locked the door to our room. i tried apologizing, but i was ignored most of the time. i’m just curious, i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita? [/INST] yta. basically you validated your fiancee's private fears that you can never love another as you did your ex and that she will will continue to haunt your lives together forever. the ex has gone. cherish the memory privately and respect that this suggest was ass-handed. you didn't think it through, despite saying it was on your mind so long. find a place or thing cherished by your current relationship and see if that can guide you toward a name. don't mine your past for one. not cool, dude. </s>
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AITA for telling my grandma she looks like Ronald McDonald because she wouldn’t stop telling me I look like a bull with my nose ring in?
| 25,334 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cre4qy/aita_for_telling_my_grandma_she_looks_like_ronald/
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2019-08-16 23:15:45
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nta - don't know why older people think they're immune to being judged when they do it to younger people all the time
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nta. you might get people saying you're equally shitty, but i disagree. you tried taking the high road, tried asking, nothing worked. it is a form of bullying that she was doing. i'm not sure how much bullying and unsolicited comments about your body that someone can expect you to endure without asserting yourself and firing back.
almost no one is going to continue to be polite when they're repeatedly disrespected. you weren't overtly hostile, you just gave her a taste of her own medicine.
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nta, being old is not an excuse to be an asshole. if you don't want to have your looks commented on, don't comment on other peoples looks. this is something *every* human should understand by the time they are a teenager.
> “take that thing out of your nose, you’re ruining a pretty face by putting a hoop in it like a bull.”
"please mind your own business, you're ruining a perfectly good relationship by being a jerk."
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esh. your grandma is *certainly* in the wrong for harping on your piercing. however, insulting her appearance isn't a good look for you either. so while it's perfectly understandable why you'd want to "give her a taste of her own medicine" you shouldn't have sunk to her level, hence my ruling.
story time: my grandmother was like yours, rattling on about my hair, my clothes, my weight. and one day in my late teens, when she chortled one time too many about my fat ass, i said to her "grammy, this is how i look and this is how i am, and if you don't stop talking about my weight, i'm not going to come visit you anymore." and she never teased me again.
if you are polite but firm in saying that you are familiar with her opinion on your facial jewelry and would not like to hear it again, it just might work.
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nta. why don’t older people remember that they were once judged by their elders?
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nta — “but she’s your gramma!1!1!1” okay but can we stop giving elderly people a free pass to say and do whatever they want, regardless of how rude? assuming of course that they have no neurological issue & are in reasonably good mental shape.
if anything, it’s also demeaning to old people to just baby their views & treat them like a faultless kid (ex: “oh no! she can’t help it!”).
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nta. she insulted you many times before & you even gave her a fair warning that you're not gonna take it anymore.
i wish we were in the same family cuz i definitely would've had your back when that shit went down.
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you're not going to like my answer, but please read it out. this sub is telling you you're not ta because "gam gam was mean too" but that's not right.
i might have said everyone sh, but that's a cop out answer to the question of whether you're an asshole.
her comments are although inconsiderate and hurtful, ultimately aren't mean spirited. this is true and you know it. your comment however was filled with spite and hatred. it sounds like, based on your family's reactions, you genuinely hurt your grandma's feelings in a way that she didn't. so yeah. yta.
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esh. two wrongs don’t make a right. stay on the high road.
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esh. if she's an asshole or being rude about your appearance, you're also an asshole for being rude about hers.
&#x200b;
being justified does not mean you didn't behave like an asshole.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.341285 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta - don't know why older people think they're immune to being judged when they do it to younger people all the time </s>
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WIBTA if I suggested to my fiancé that his 12 year old daughter doesn’t come to our wedding and we make it an adult only wedding?
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my fiancé and i recently got engaged and we’re starting to make some plans for our wedding. he’s got a 12 year old daughter from his previous marriage and she really does not like me, we don’t get on no matter how hard i try with her, but it is what it is and hopefully one day it will get better.
i dont particularly want her at our wedding. i’m not trying to be the evil stepmother or anything, but i feel like she’ll just try and ruin the day, i was thinking of saying to my fiancé that we should make it an adult only wedding.
do you think he will find this offensive though? any father’s or mothers here how would you feel about this?
wibta if i suggested this?
edit...because a lot of you seem to be jumping to conclusions - his daughter isn’t with us most the time, she lives with her mother, and i actually often go out when she’s here because i can’t deal with her attitude towards me. i feel like if she came to the wedding she would actively try and ruin it, and i feel like i should be able to enjoy my wedding day, of course if my fiancé says he wants her there there’s nothing i can do, but am i really the asshole for just suggesting it to him and getting his opinion?
| 7,187 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ccdy3c/wibta_if_i_suggested_to_my_fiancé_that_his_12/
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2019-07-12 17:34:29
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yta. you’re going to be her fucking stepmother and you want to start that relationship by excluding her? what’s wrong with you? you can have a “child free wedding” but your stepdaughter absolutely has to be an exception to that.
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yta. she’s the child, you’re the adult. she’s scared that you might replace her in her dad’s life, and you want to completely validate her fears by excluding her from the wedding? it’s your job to keep making overtures and keep trying to include her until she’s ready and able to accept you.
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yta
>i’m not trying to be the evil stepmother or anything, but
but that's exactly what you're doing lol
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yta and i really hope this is a troll post. if it is real, i hope he dumps you.
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ywbta. i'd respond if my daughter can't come then i won't come either. you gotta be out your mind lady. father of 2
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yta
like so much that you shouldn’t even *mention* this thought to *anyone* and you should hope no one ever finds this post and identifies you. this is a terrible, terrible idea. you’re not marrying your fiancé, you’re marrying a family, which includes his daughter.
edit. scratch that. tell your fiancé what you’re thinking. let him see the type of depravity you’re capable of before he says “i do.”
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i feel like there's a lot of information we're missing, here.
how does your fiancé handle the tension between you and his daughter? this is a really important dynamic in the relationship between you and your (potential) stepdaughter. 12 year-old kids can generally be shits, but - being a divorced dad of a 9 year-old - most of the time they \*want\* to connect to other people, and don't just write someone off the instant they enter the picture.
how toxic is the relationship between himself and his ex? are they being shitty parents by poisoning their daughter with their acrimony? again, as a divorced dad, my ex and i have always been really conscious of how our behavior may impact her. we obviously weren't right for each other, but we do our absolute best to be supporting and loving co-parents, because our daughter deserves as normal a childhood as she can get.
i think it's really, \*really\* important that, if the wedding is some time from now, that he and his daughter (and eventually all three of you) get into some family counseling right now. like, yesterday. because disinviting her from her father's wedding (it's not just your day) is going to hurt her deeply. if you do this, you're probably \*never\* going to be able to salvage a relationship with her, and it might destroy his relationship with her. and, going forward, it's going to be a very bitter point of contention for everyone involved.
i dated someone, a long time ago, who had reservations about being a mom, never mind a stepmom, and ultimately, it was for the best that we ended our relationship, as painful as it was to do. it is one of the hard realities of dating someone with children that you cannot just separate the child from the parent. if you cannot resolve this situation, it may be better for everyone involved if you cancelled the wedding, because otherwise it can grow to be a \*life long\* clusterfuck.
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imagine your stepdaughter posting here.
"my father started dating a woman, and we don't get along at all. they are now engaged and i no longer feel comfortable going over, especially since she literally leaves the house to avoid being with me whenever i do choose to visit. if there was any doubt that she is actively trying to remove me from my father's life, she is now trying to exclude me from their wedding. literally, the first day she is my "step mother", she is trying to erase me from my father's life, like i don't exist. i know we don't get along, but do i really have to brown nose the woman who is marrying my father, just to not be isolated from him? iata?"
we'd all be screaming about it being a shitpost, because there's no way her future step mom would be that overtly "evil" like a bad olsen twin movie from the 90's. never be a bad olsen twin villain from the 90's.
yta.
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yta. this exact thing happened to me. my new step mum decided i would be too much trouble at the wedding (i was 14) and decided not to invite me.
it. destroyed. me. i spent weeks feeling depressed, lonely, and scared, acted out even worse than before, and to this day i have major abandonment issues and am terrified of doing anything wrong in case it makes people hate me
me and my dad never had a great relationship, but that was the icing on the cake. you need to understand that she is a kid and she is only acting out against you because she feels hurt, rejected and confused. she is also a teenager so that hightens all those feelings. not inviting her will only make that worse and ensure that she never has a good relationship with either of you.
your kid acting out is never a good excuse to ignore, exclude or in anyway reject your child.
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yta, it doesn't matter if she doesn't like you. you still have to make an effort for the rest of your life if you are getting married. she isn't going to disappear.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé and i recently got engaged and we’re starting to make some plans for our wedding. he’s got a 12 year old daughter from his previous marriage and she really does not like me, we don’t get on no matter how hard i try with her, but it is what it is and hopefully one day it will get better. i dont particularly want her at our wedding. i’m not trying to be the evil stepmother or anything, but i feel like she’ll just try and ruin the day, i was thinking of saying to my fiancé that we should make it an adult only wedding. do you think he will find this offensive though? any father’s or mothers here how would you feel about this? wibta if i suggested this? edit...because a lot of you seem to be jumping to conclusions - his daughter isn’t with us most the time, she lives with her mother, and i actually often go out when she’s here because i can’t deal with her attitude towards me. i feel like if she came to the wedding she would actively try and ruin it, and i feel like i should be able to enjoy my wedding day, of course if my fiancé says he wants her there there’s nothing i can do, but am i really the asshole for just suggesting it to him and getting his opinion?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé and i recently got engaged and we’re starting to make some plans for our wedding. he’s got a 12 year old daughter from his previous marriage and she really does not like me, we don’t get on no matter how hard i try with her, but it is what it is and hopefully one day it will get better. i dont particularly want her at our wedding. i’m not trying to be the evil stepmother or anything, but i feel like she’ll just try and ruin the day, i was thinking of saying to my fiancé that we should make it an adult only wedding. do you think he will find this offensive though? any father’s or mothers here how would you feel about this? wibta if i suggested this? edit...because a lot of you seem to be jumping to conclusions - his daughter isn’t with us most the time, she lives with her mother, and i actually often go out when she’s here because i can’t deal with her attitude towards me. i feel like if she came to the wedding she would actively try and ruin it, and i feel like i should be able to enjoy my wedding day, of course if my fiancé says he wants her there there’s nothing i can do, but am i really the asshole for just suggesting it to him and getting his opinion? [/INST] yta. you’re going to be her fucking stepmother and you want to start that relationship by excluding her? what’s wrong with you? you can have a “child free wedding” but your stepdaughter absolutely has to be an exception to that. </s>
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AITA for using my savings to pay off my parents mortgage, and car?
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i’ve put away at least a little bit of money from every paycheck since i was a kid. i used most of it (77k) to pay off all my parents bills that they were committed to make monthly payments towards. which included there mortgage and my mom’s car.
just to help them out. because my father got in a pretty serious accident, and he might not be able to go back to work. at least not anytime soon. and my mom doesn’t work. so someone had to do it. i figured it was my responsibility.
my wife said i didn’t owe them anything. and that they hadn’t asked for help, so it didn’t make sense to help them. but my dad would never accept outside help. he’d rather skate by on social security then do that. it’s like if someone who can’t swim jumped into the pool. and you see them start to sink. are you gonna wait for them to ask you before it’s to late?
my wife originally said, “fine”. but i guess she didn’t mean it cause now she’s saying that i did the wrong thing.
basically every penny i gave my mom was made while my parents were letting me live with them. over 80% of it was made then.
we opened a savings/retirement account 13 years ago together, when we got married, and have been putting money in there since. this was not from that
| 3,461 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9iwcc/aita_for_using_my_savings_to_pay_off_my_parents/
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2021-10-16 19:33:56
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yta. you are married. you don't suddenly drain your savings and drop 77k without your partner's agreement. this is completely unacceptable behaviour.
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mild yta. if you’re married and have a family of your own, spending your entire savings on your parents is kinda messed up. like, i get wanting to help your family and all, but doing so at the expense of risking your own family’s security is dodgy. your parents are grown ups. they can handle their own financial problems. you’re right to want to help, but if i was your wife, i’d be pissed that you dropped 77k to do it too.
***edit ***
after reading other questions and responses, yta, big time. you have a kid, and you just mortgaged her future to keep your parents afloat, even though they have other options. your dad can be ‘too proud’ all he wants, but what he should’ve said was ‘use that money for your daughter’s education instead’.. and the only thing your mother should’ve discussed about this is how they can keep themselves above water without taking any of your life savings. really, esh, except your poor wife.
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yta. of course you're the arsehole. when you marry someone you join together. that's what marriage is. big financial decisions like this need to be joint decisions.
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yta. i'm kind of shocked that your mother was okay with this. i can see accepting some help to pay for some bills, but there is no way my folks would want me to spend all of my savings to help them. you say you had to convince your wife, so it sounds like she wasn't really comfortable with the idea from the beginning. it's great that you're cool with working till you die, but what about your wife? what about your daughter?
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yta. did you talk about helping your parents out or giving them 77k of your savings? big difference between the two. and did she really agree or did you refuse to take no for an answer?
why not pay the mortgage monthly while your father recovered, why pay off the whole thing? sounds like you're prioritising your parents over your family.
info: do you and your wife not have a mortgage and monthly payments to make? do you have joint finances?
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yta. you still could have helped them without draining your entire savings at once.
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soft yta. while i understand wanting to help your parents and it was really nice of you to pay off all that stuff, you were pretty reckless. i mean dropping almost all of your savings is a really bad idea. you could need that money in the future and now it’s gone. personally i think you should’ve offered to pay a good chunk of their bills but not all of it. i understand why your wife would be upset, because the savings could be seriously needed at any point due to unforeseen circumstances
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info: what is you and your wife’s financial situation? do you both work? do you share finances? do you have any unmet needs? do you have an emergency fund?
how much of it was a “me” decision versus an “our” decision before you emptied your entire savings?
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info: do you have kids and would this hurt your family?
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question: did you screw up your family’s future? how old are your parents?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
| null | 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve put away at least a little bit of money from every paycheck since i was a kid. i used most of it (77k) to pay off all my parents bills that they were committed to make monthly payments towards. which included there mortgage and my mom’s car. just to help them out. because my father got in a pretty serious accident, and he might not be able to go back to work. at least not anytime soon. and my mom doesn’t work. so someone had to do it. i figured it was my responsibility. my wife said i didn’t owe them anything. and that they hadn’t asked for help, so it didn’t make sense to help them. but my dad would never accept outside help. he’d rather skate by on social security then do that. it’s like if someone who can’t swim jumped into the pool. and you see them start to sink. are you gonna wait for them to ask you before it’s to late? my wife originally said, “fine”. but i guess she didn’t mean it cause now she’s saying that i did the wrong thing. basically every penny i gave my mom was made while my parents were letting me live with them. over 80% of it was made then. we opened a savings/retirement account 13 years ago together, when we got married, and have been putting money in there since. this was not from that
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve put away at least a little bit of money from every paycheck since i was a kid. i used most of it (77k) to pay off all my parents bills that they were committed to make monthly payments towards. which included there mortgage and my mom’s car. just to help them out. because my father got in a pretty serious accident, and he might not be able to go back to work. at least not anytime soon. and my mom doesn’t work. so someone had to do it. i figured it was my responsibility. my wife said i didn’t owe them anything. and that they hadn’t asked for help, so it didn’t make sense to help them. but my dad would never accept outside help. he’d rather skate by on social security then do that. it’s like if someone who can’t swim jumped into the pool. and you see them start to sink. are you gonna wait for them to ask you before it’s to late? my wife originally said, “fine”. but i guess she didn’t mean it cause now she’s saying that i did the wrong thing. basically every penny i gave my mom was made while my parents were letting me live with them. over 80% of it was made then. we opened a savings/retirement account 13 years ago together, when we got married, and have been putting money in there since. this was not from that [/INST] yta. you are married. you don't suddenly drain your savings and drop 77k without your partner's agreement. this is completely unacceptable behaviour. </s>
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AITA for calling my gf gross?
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hello reddit. i am (23m) and i have been with my gf "laila" (22f) for 6 months. everything has been really great so far. but 2 days ago, i stayed for a few days with laila in her apartment (which she shares with 2 roommates, all women.) also i have to note that laila has long hair, almost down to her butt, but not quite.
we both had 3 days off and her roommates went to go stay with their family for a week (i think they're sisters?) anyway they gave us the okay for me to stay at their place for 3 days. well, the second morning, laila was called into work for just a couple of hours to help with something that her coworkers weren't trained for yet. anyway, she went and then came back and took a shower.
when she got out, i noticed that her hair was still dry and she didn't wash it. "forget something?" i asked. she looked confused so i told her that she didn't wash her hair. laila just laughed and explained to me that she just washed her hair yesterday.
me: "so? you aren't going to wash it today?"
her: "...no? you aren't supposed to wash your hair every day."
me "says who? i wash my hair every day."
her "yeah but you have very short hair. it's a known fact that washing your hair every day is not good for it."
at this point i was very skeptical as this sounds made up and just an excuse to be lazy. you would think, if you have longer hair then that's more of a reason to wash it more often. so i asked her how often she wishes her hair and she said "twice a week" at which point i told her that she was gross and she got very upset and locked herself in her room. she didn't come out for a long time so i just left and went home. she hasn't answered my calls or spoken to me since. i asked my friends, and they seen split. my sister and 2 of friends told me that i was the asshole, but 2 of my other friends said that i'm in the right and it sounds weird that she doesn't wash her hair daily. so, aita?
| 3,855 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x4e97f/aita_for_calling_my_gf_gross/
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2022-09-02 22:23:54
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yta and probably think women can't pee with a tampon in.
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yta and just wrong.
it isn't good for your hair to wash it every day, especially if she isn't doing physical activity or anything.
a single, quick, google search could have educated you on this.
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ah yes, because every person has the exact same hair care needs. how did i never pick up on that before?!
imagine being 23 and not realising people take care of their hair differently. madness.
yta.
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yta. very rude and judgmental about something you clearly know nothing about.
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yta. welcome to single life.
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yta - almost every girl knows not to wash their hair everyday. it's not her fault you're ignorant.
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yes yta
you should attempt to be more knowledgeable or at least open minded about other genders before entering another relationship with a woman. this is giving ‘mansplaining’ vibes
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yta, rude and wrong! it’s hard on long hair to wash it often. part of how one gets healthy long hair is often not washing it often. most modern shampoos strip a lot of moisture, and it’s better to strip less often rather than strip and replace daily. not to mention, hair is much more fragile when wet, so washing daily = more broken and splitting strands. twice a week is a perfectly normal amount of washes for a long haired person, especially if they aren’t working manual labor and getting really grimy/sweaty every day.
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>everything has been really great so far.
yta. you couldn't deduce that you had no problem with her personal hygiene for 6 months, and that's how she's been living her life, and realize that's her bathing routine?
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wow, yta. and good luck finding anyone who washes their hair every day 🙄
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello reddit. i am (23m) and i have been with my gf "laila" (22f) for 6 months. everything has been really great so far. but 2 days ago, i stayed for a few days with laila in her apartment (which she shares with 2 roommates, all women.) also i have to note that laila has long hair, almost down to her butt, but not quite. we both had 3 days off and her roommates went to go stay with their family for a week (i think they're sisters?) anyway they gave us the okay for me to stay at their place for 3 days. well, the second morning, laila was called into work for just a couple of hours to help with something that her coworkers weren't trained for yet. anyway, she went and then came back and took a shower. when she got out, i noticed that her hair was still dry and she didn't wash it. "forget something?" i asked. she looked confused so i told her that she didn't wash her hair. laila just laughed and explained to me that she just washed her hair yesterday. me: "so? you aren't going to wash it today?" her: "...no? you aren't supposed to wash your hair every day." me "says who? i wash my hair every day." her "yeah but you have very short hair. it's a known fact that washing your hair every day is not good for it." at this point i was very skeptical as this sounds made up and just an excuse to be lazy. you would think, if you have longer hair then that's more of a reason to wash it more often. so i asked her how often she wishes her hair and she said "twice a week" at which point i told her that she was gross and she got very upset and locked herself in her room. she didn't come out for a long time so i just left and went home. she hasn't answered my calls or spoken to me since. i asked my friends, and they seen split. my sister and 2 of friends told me that i was the asshole, but 2 of my other friends said that i'm in the right and it sounds weird that she doesn't wash her hair daily. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit. i am (23m) and i have been with my gf "laila" (22f) for 6 months. everything has been really great so far. but 2 days ago, i stayed for a few days with laila in her apartment (which she shares with 2 roommates, all women.) also i have to note that laila has long hair, almost down to her butt, but not quite. we both had 3 days off and her roommates went to go stay with their family for a week (i think they're sisters?) anyway they gave us the okay for me to stay at their place for 3 days. well, the second morning, laila was called into work for just a couple of hours to help with something that her coworkers weren't trained for yet. anyway, she went and then came back and took a shower. when she got out, i noticed that her hair was still dry and she didn't wash it. "forget something?" i asked. she looked confused so i told her that she didn't wash her hair. laila just laughed and explained to me that she just washed her hair yesterday. me: "so? you aren't going to wash it today?" her: "...no? you aren't supposed to wash your hair every day." me "says who? i wash my hair every day." her "yeah but you have very short hair. it's a known fact that washing your hair every day is not good for it." at this point i was very skeptical as this sounds made up and just an excuse to be lazy. you would think, if you have longer hair then that's more of a reason to wash it more often. so i asked her how often she wishes her hair and she said "twice a week" at which point i told her that she was gross and she got very upset and locked herself in her room. she didn't come out for a long time so i just left and went home. she hasn't answered my calls or spoken to me since. i asked my friends, and they seen split. my sister and 2 of friends told me that i was the asshole, but 2 of my other friends said that i'm in the right and it sounds weird that she doesn't wash her hair daily. so, aita? [/INST] yta and probably think women can't pee with a tampon in. </s>
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AITA for calling the police on my fiance?
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last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45.
10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now.
11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset
12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry.
1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read.
around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry.
at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time.
i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did.
my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise.
my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again.
so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?
| 27,772 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1h40p/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_fiance/
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2022-10-11 18:54:51
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nta...but you know she's lying, right?
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an actual portrayal of that evening -
somewhere, in a bed around 2 towns over from op’s house:
12am
him - ‘babe, don’t go, just stay the night once. say you fell asleep in the car on a 30 minute drive. let’s turn off the phone and go to sleep’
her “hey why not. but make sure you set your alarm for 6am, so i can get back to take the kids to school.”
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nta - i don't believe her story one bit. driving a kid home and disappearing for the entire night is a massive red flag. how does she not even know where he lives when she started the drive? how old is this kid?
pulling over and sleeping on the side of a road for a 30-minute drive is nuts. she is now turning this around to say she is the victim of your actions.
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i think your fiancé is getting railed two towns over my guy
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nta
but you know that isn't the truth, right?
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nta. she said she was on her way home at 10:15 pm and then disappeared until 7 am. of course you were going to call the police and have them go looking for her. if she’d been in an accident or worse, she would’ve been dead if you’d waited two days to call.
that being said, she’s definitely lying about what happened. it honestly sounds more like she fell asleep at her affair partner’s place and concocted that bogus excuse to cover her ass.
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nta. something is up. that excuse doesn't fly. it just doesn't make sense that she'd sleep all night in her car to avoid a 30-minute drive home.
i don't blame you for calling the cops, and her reaction is out of line. i think she's hiding something.
if her friend's son was 30 minutes away then she should have been back by 9.
i'm 95% sure she's lying to you about where she was. sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.
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nta.
but even if that phone was dropped in a toilet... it was working when she got home.....
it is policy for them to check in person because they have to see that the person is alive and well, because anyone could make a phone call and say it.
but dude.
thirty minutes away, stops to sleep on the side?
if you reported her missing her car would also be noted. if she was on the side sleeping somewhere, wouldn't they have seen the car and well woken her up?
her story reeks. don't fall for it dude. she's still only a fiance. don't make her a wife before this is cleared up with legitimate reasons. because none of hers seem right.
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the amount of time is off, getting and sleeping in the car. we aren't talking about hours long of a drive, just the town over. maybe an hour tops. if she was so tired she could have stayed with her friend, not drive to some random area in between to sleep until 7am. on a secluded area the car wasn't seen by police actively looking for it. sleeping in a car is not comfortable either, or safe. i woke regularly every few hours. after the first nap, at least driving home and make it to the bed where she knows her fiance is worried.
she's lying and she's not a good liar either. at least keep it simple. phone doesn't work because of a puddle, but it hasn't rained in weeks. oh, it was the toilet. why is the phone working now? phone ran out of charge, must have not charged it fully before the day started, happens all the time, and the car charger didn't work. that's a cheaper and easier replacement.
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info
so you actually believe the story your fiance is selling you?
look man...your fiance cheated on you. she didn't fall asleep on the side of the road. her brand new phone didn't stop working
she was with someone else
stop being so naive
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last night my (35m) fiance (38f) left in the evening to give a friend's son a ride back to his home. she implied she'd be home before 9. she left at around 7:45. 10:15 rolled around and she still wasn't home. i texted and she apologized to me, saying that her friend's son was actually in the next town over (maybe 30 minutes away) and she was coming home now. 11:45 rolled around and she still hadn't come home, so i called her to no answer. texted her to no response. i was getting very upset 12.30 rolled around and still no response and no answer to my phone calls. i was extremely angry. 1:30 rolled around and my anger had completely transformed into worry. not answering my calls and texts not read. around 1:45 i called the police. i have always heard that the first 24 hours of someone being missing is the most important, so i didnt want to delay. i asked them to let me know if there had been any traffic accidents involving her car, and the operator told me that they would put out the word and send some cops to check along the route she would travel. i called all the hospitals in the area to check if she has been checked in and i waited outside watching the road for her car for three hours, partially because i didn't want the kids to hear me on the phone with hospitals, and secondly because i was sick with worry. at 7:00am she came home. she apologized for being out and said she had no excuse. she was driving home and felt tired like she was falling asleep at the wheel, so she pulled over to the side of the road to sleep. when she did that, she found that her brand new phone had stopped working. she says she napped anyway because it was the responsible thing to do, and then came home at 7am to bring the kids to school and get to work on time. i immediately called the police and told them that she had come home safely and gave them the case number and told them to stop searching, which they did. my fjance brought the kids to school and left for work. i set out to start cleaning (cleaning destresses me sometimes), and i got a call from a policeman asking where she worked. i told him, and asked why, and i was informed that it was their policy to check on the person's wellness after a missing person is found. i asked them to not go by her work but to give her a call instead. he said he couldn't promise. my fiance is relatively new to her job. a police officer showed up and asked to speak with her. she is now enraged at me for calling the police and 'sending a cop to her work' and making her look bad. she is saying i overreacted and that she wasn't missing and that i was punishing her for doing the responsible thing and not driving while drowsy. she is saying that she is never going to leave the house again except for work, because she is afraid i'm going to call the cops on her again. so did i overreact? should i have waited two days like she suggests? [/INST] nta...but you know she's lying, right? </s>
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AITA for demanding that my husband talk to a therapist and/or take parenting classes after he typed the word boundaries like BouNDaRiEs?
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in case anyone isn't fluent in internet slang the weird random capitalization means to read it in a whiny voice.
my husband and i have been having some problems in regards to how he parents our eight year old son. my husband likes to play rough, tickling, wrestling, poking at someone after being told to stop, and my son is a quiet introverted kid who hates that type of play. my husband also likes to do little pranks, mostly popping out and scaring people, but our son has asked him to stop.
he also doesn't respect our son's limits in terms of social interaction. when we visit my in laws the house is very loud, the other kids play too hard, and our son does not enjoy it. he has asked to bring his switch and play upstairs. my husband said his mom would freak over how rude that was, so i tried to compromise on a book. my husband said no and that it is his job to put him in uncomfortable decisions so he can grow. i think it hurts his feelings that our son doesn't like his grandparents, but i find them very difficult to like, so i can't blame him. my in laws have complained (not in front of him) that our son is too weak and whimpy and we are ruining him.
i texted my husband the other day that i want to talk about our differences in parenting, because i am not ok with him continuing to disregard boundaries. he replied that he has been depressed lately because of how joyless me and our son are, and he wrote back but find we can talk about boundaries. i said that he sounds just like his shitty parents and i am not ok with that. i said he needs to talk to a therapist because i can't make him see how important boundaries are, or maybe take parenting clases. now he is really mad at me and feels like i am saying he is totally horrible and the worst father.
| 18,795 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5y0t9/aita_for_demanding_that_my_husband_talk_to_a/
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2020-12-03 14:19:35
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nta. it sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back and he does need to learn boundaries if his eight year old son has repeatedly asked him to stop pranking him and your husband 1) refuses to stop harassing his child and 2) is now whining about how he's "depressed" because he isn't allowed to *harass his child*.
his joy in life should not come from tormenting his son.
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nta. he *is* being a horrible father, if the only way he can find "joy" in parenting is by making his child uncomfortable for his own amusement, or even out of some misguided sense that demanding the kid tough it out in purely optional, supposedly fun social situations where no one's prepared to make even the slightest accommodation for him "builds character."
stand your ground: this can't continue. and if *he* keeps digging in his heels, go to counseling yourself to figure out what your next steps are. because if things don't change, not only will your son have nothing to do with dad as soon as he's old enough, he may well blame *you* for not doing enough to protect him.
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nta. your husband is bullying your kid, refusing to admit that, putting the blame on you and your son, and ridiculing you two for it. so yes, he is horrible and a bad father.
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> now he is really mad at me and feels like i am saying he is totally horrible and the worst father.
"you make our kid miserable and you don't care. do you think you deserve a medal for that?"
don't hold your breath for him to change. protect your kid and do anything you're able to do to make him feel safe and loved. if there are people making your son's life worse -- even if one of them is his father -- consider what you can do to limit that. *stand up for your child.* nta
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nta because your husband gets overly physical with your son.
if it was just "husband won't let my son bring his switch to family gatherings" then it would be different. but constantly startling, wrestling, tickling, and roughhousing after the kid has asked him to stop is the kind of thing that can fuck a kid up. also i'm pretty sure that "this kid is wimpy, i'll make him unhappy to toughen him up" has literally never worked.
you should have offered to both goth to therapy together, to get your parenting styles in sync, instead of insisting that just he do it, but even so, nta.
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nta
he is basically raising his son with the idea that he is 'wrong', 'joyless', 'not fun', and **mark my words** this will evolve into 'not manly' and 'a sissy' and other toxic bullshit once he reaches puberty. because clearly being loud/physical/extrovert = manly /s.
you need to put your foot down, and i hope this is a hill you are willing to die on when it comes to your marriage. your husband is setting your son up for severely low self-esteem, the belief that people can and should walk all over him, that his feelings and needs do not matter, and everything about him is wrong for not being like his dad.
as for you: your husband has no respect for you, your opinions, you as a person (what kind of husband calls his wife joyless ffs), or your parenting techniques. he either needs to be sit down by someone who's opinion he actually respects (so if he agrees to therapy make sure it is an older white straight male ), and if he refuses to change or work on this, consider filing for divorce.
also, start recording your interactions/texts/incidents now. if you do get into a divorce you need to proof that custody should go solely to you and no unsupervised visits until your son is old enough to stick up for himself.
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nta. your husband is a bully. i’m surprised you didn’t realize this long before now. it’s not like this behavior just started when he became a father. your child needs to come first. if i were you, it would be therapy or divorce. my dad was super hard on my sweet, sensitive older brother, trying to “toughen him up”. today at age 50, he’s a total doormat with no savings, zero sense of responsibility & he’s the most defensive person i know. please make the right decision for your son.
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the title of this post does not do it justice.
it should read "my husband delights in tormenting, scaring, and tickling our son past any enjoyment; aita for trying to protect our child?"
also note: tickling someone after they tell you to stop...and doing so repeatedly...is *abuse*. your husband is displaying multiple examples of abusive behavior; it's not only the tickling, it's the scaring him, playing pranks (!?!) on him, throwing--not coaxing--him into uncomfortable situations, saying "it's for his own good" when it is clearly *not*, gaslighting, manipulation, etc.
this isn't a matter of you overreacting. you are underreacting.
you are nta in trying to stop this behavior.
your husband is unequivocally an ah.
in fact, if you even entertain the idea of letting this go on without intervention, you would be an ah too.
your husband is being abusive. abusive situations do not improve with counseling.
if you want to know what to do, skip family counseling, get out with your poor kid, and get both you and your son into individual therapy. (and look up symptoms of c-ptsd, because from what you have outlined here, your kid could be at risk.)
(
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> so i tried to compromise on a book. my husband said no
well at least you know why he wrote boundaries the way he did. nta. sounds like a mid life crisis if he's at that age. expecting one thing then getting bummed it's not the way he envisioned it.
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nta. it sounds like your son isn't turning out the way his dad thought he would in his mind movie. dad may have had images of rough housing in the back yard with his son and reality has not lived up to his imagined expectations. dad has to realize how much anxiety he is causing this poor kid. i think family therapy is the way to go here, especially for the sake of this poor child.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in case anyone isn't fluent in internet slang the weird random capitalization means to read it in a whiny voice. my husband and i have been having some problems in regards to how he parents our eight year old son. my husband likes to play rough, tickling, wrestling, poking at someone after being told to stop, and my son is a quiet introverted kid who hates that type of play. my husband also likes to do little pranks, mostly popping out and scaring people, but our son has asked him to stop. he also doesn't respect our son's limits in terms of social interaction. when we visit my in laws the house is very loud, the other kids play too hard, and our son does not enjoy it. he has asked to bring his switch and play upstairs. my husband said his mom would freak over how rude that was, so i tried to compromise on a book. my husband said no and that it is his job to put him in uncomfortable decisions so he can grow. i think it hurts his feelings that our son doesn't like his grandparents, but i find them very difficult to like, so i can't blame him. my in laws have complained (not in front of him) that our son is too weak and whimpy and we are ruining him. i texted my husband the other day that i want to talk about our differences in parenting, because i am not ok with him continuing to disregard boundaries. he replied that he has been depressed lately because of how joyless me and our son are, and he wrote back but find we can talk about boundaries. i said that he sounds just like his shitty parents and i am not ok with that. i said he needs to talk to a therapist because i can't make him see how important boundaries are, or maybe take parenting clases. now he is really mad at me and feels like i am saying he is totally horrible and the worst father.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in case anyone isn't fluent in internet slang the weird random capitalization means to read it in a whiny voice. my husband and i have been having some problems in regards to how he parents our eight year old son. my husband likes to play rough, tickling, wrestling, poking at someone after being told to stop, and my son is a quiet introverted kid who hates that type of play. my husband also likes to do little pranks, mostly popping out and scaring people, but our son has asked him to stop. he also doesn't respect our son's limits in terms of social interaction. when we visit my in laws the house is very loud, the other kids play too hard, and our son does not enjoy it. he has asked to bring his switch and play upstairs. my husband said his mom would freak over how rude that was, so i tried to compromise on a book. my husband said no and that it is his job to put him in uncomfortable decisions so he can grow. i think it hurts his feelings that our son doesn't like his grandparents, but i find them very difficult to like, so i can't blame him. my in laws have complained (not in front of him) that our son is too weak and whimpy and we are ruining him. i texted my husband the other day that i want to talk about our differences in parenting, because i am not ok with him continuing to disregard boundaries. he replied that he has been depressed lately because of how joyless me and our son are, and he wrote back but find we can talk about boundaries. i said that he sounds just like his shitty parents and i am not ok with that. i said he needs to talk to a therapist because i can't make him see how important boundaries are, or maybe take parenting clases. now he is really mad at me and feels like i am saying he is totally horrible and the worst father. [/INST] nta. it sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back and he does need to learn boundaries if his eight year old son has repeatedly asked him to stop pranking him and your husband 1) refuses to stop harassing his child and 2) is now whining about how he's "depressed" because he isn't allowed to *harass his child*. his joy in life should not come from tormenting his son. </s>
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AITA for not making my daughter invite special needs kid to her birthday?
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my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class.
here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice.
well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm.
i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita?
| 7,625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qu70x1/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_invite_special/
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2021-11-15 03:32:28
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yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job
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this is a hard one because i have kids with disabilities that never get invited to things and it's so devastatingly heartbreaking seeing them so hurt. my son is 7.5 and has never even been asked for a playdate. my 15yo has never had a party. but the fact is your daughter comes first and if she will feel uncomfortable about inviting the child with special needs, then that seriously needs consideration.
i do think you need to talk to your daughter though about inclusivity and acceptance, but she still shouldn't be forced to invite someone she doesn't want to.
i don't think inviting the whole class and excluding that one child was the right thing to do. that is a real asshole move for sure. you could have invited just a handful of kids (the school rules are bs), the school really can't tell you who you can and can't invite to a party, that's none of their business. there are ways you could have sent invites without disrupting the teacher and class.
i know this isn't quite the same but i won't "restrict" certain party foods in case of other kids having allergies, it's my child's party and they should be able to eat whatever without dietry/allergy restrictions. i will inform the parents that it's not an allergen safe party. i'm more than happy to supply some allergen free food and keep it separate from the rest. but cross contamination is still a high risk, so i would inform the parents and they can decide whether or not to take the chance, not come or bring their own food with them.
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yta. you started off by saying that you’re making her stick to the school guidelines because you don’t “like the dynamic” just to leave out one girl because she has special needs. at that point you might as well have just fully broken guidelines & only invited her close friends.
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this is tough for me. my very first birthday party i had, i was turning 6 and we went to a chuck-e-cheese style place. all the kids in my class were invited. only one of the other parents stuck around out of the kids that arrived. we didn't know it at the time, but one of the girls had mental health issues. her grandmother dropped her off and this birthday is just lodged in my memory because of this girl. she blew the candles on my cake, opened all my presents, and cried on multiple indoor rides and slides so we were no longer allowed to play in/on them. i was absolutely miserable. we found out by 3rd grade that she had mental health issues and was transferred to another school because of it. i still don't think it's a good thing to not include avery, but i do think if her parents will be there and make sure she is not the center of attention, it would make the difference.
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i don't understand why schools get involved in what you do at your house. if you want to invite a few friends, it's nobody else's business. period.
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nta.
this “everyone must always be included” shtick is actually harmful to children in the long run. it teaches them they’re not allowed to exclude people they don’t like, people who bully them, people who trample boundaries etc. i say this as a (now adult) child who was regularly excluded because my adhd made me a hard kid to handle.
it’s not your child’s job to make sure avery has childhood experiences - that’s her parents job and they can do that by hosting a birthday party for avery.
the school can’t enforce anything. they can’t prevent you from hosting a birthday party outside of school time and they can’t force you to invite anyone - they’re all wind. let the other parents whine all they want.
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nta. the age of 7 is when i recall getting frustrated with the fact that my mother would invite kids i did not want around at my birthday party. my 8th birthday was the last time as i broke down crying before my 9th birthday and told her i did not want someone i don't want to spend time with on my special day.
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contrary to popular agreement, nta..
i agree with inclusivity, and i understand they'd feel left out . but here your daughter's happiness is important as it's her birthday.. she shouldn't be forced to spend time with someone she doesn't want to..
if she was older, i'd say, it's now time for her to understand about inclusivity, and learnt to be emphatic, but now.. it's her birthday, it's upto you and her..
may be as a compromise just invite her to pizza, if it's gonna be an issue
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yta you said you were going to invite everyone and make her stick to the school guidelines. that means everyone. that includes the disabled kid.
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nta this is your daughter's birthday. she should feel free to invite or not invite whomever she wants to. that other parent had no business gossiping to the parent of the autistic child what you said
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.727158 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita? [/INST] yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job </s>
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AITA for saying "I dunno man, lesbians."?
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my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course).
they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians."
my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think?
| 22,708 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ighqd2/aita_for_saying_i_dunno_man_lesbians/
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2020-08-25 18:15:59
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nta and you’re not wrong! the number of ex’es included in queer wedding parties is rather epic. ;)
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nta lmao as a gay its true, we move pretty quick. its rlly not offensive.
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nta. maybe tell your gf that your sister, ya know the actual lesbian, the actual homosexual here, found it funny. and if your gf is straight you need to tell her not to speak for them, really its how your sister feels. maybe even have your sister tell your gf that she was okay and laughed?? idk just a thought
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nta - especially when said basically in jest to a trusted one. you’re clearly not homophobic.
btw everything your sister said is so true! my cousin met her girlfriend moved in and we’re married in about 6 months, they say it’s just a lesbian thing too.
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i'm probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but i'm going to say nah.
when you make jokes about a group you are not a part of, there is a lot to consider. first off, it would be very easy for anyone who heard the comment and didn't have the details of your close, supportive relationship with your sister would not be wrong to be offended. and even if you are a great supportive sibling all of the time and your sister is completely comfortable with you making these kinds of jokes, it can still be harmful by reinforcing stereotypes to people outside of the community. you're not wrong that making a joke about your sister's sexuality in a safe environment of only supportive people is probably okay, and your girlfriend is not wrong that those types of jokes are potentially harmful and should be treated very cautiously.
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nta, but this is kinda one of those "nobody picks on my brother but me" situations, where if you're not part of the specific group, you should be a bit more aware of what you do/say.
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nta, the important thing here is that it wasn’t a negative stereotype — just a commonly held view of how lesbians often differ from straight women (including within the lesbian and lgbt community!).
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hahahaha nope nta. real-life lesbian here and the second i read that there was an ex in the bridal party, before i even got to the issue you’re asking about, i laughed to myself and thought “lol, lesbians.” having an ex in your bridal party is such a lesbian thing to do. your gf’s heart is in the right place but she’s wrong on this one.
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nta. considering you are simply repeating the words your sister says about her own situation to someone with whom you are close who presumably knows your sister - and your sister found it funny - this is a mute situation and your girlfriend need not be offended on behalf of a community she does not represent. you shouldn’t go around saying it about anyone to anyone, though you don’t seem to be the kind to do that.
i say this as someone who is aromatic asexual so not a lesbian but i make lesbian jokes to my lesbian friends and they made aro/ace jokes at me.
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your girlfriend can’t decide to be offended on your sisters behalf lol. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course). they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians." my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my big sister is my best friend in the entire world. she's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person i've ever known and she's always been my hero. she's also a lesbian. she's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who i love almost as much as my sister. the wedding is going to be happening in december (lockdown rules dependent of course). they've sent out all the invites and stuff. one of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. they're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. my sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. for example; my girlfriend and i were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in lesbian years". my girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. i said it isn't for them and she asked why. i just shrugged and said "i don't know man, lesbians." my girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and i shouldn't have said it. my sister laughed when i told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. what do you lot think? [/INST] nta and you’re not wrong! the number of ex’es included in queer wedding parties is rather epic. ;) </s>
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AITA for lying that I was renting my apartment when it was actually my parent's?
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my parents raised me to not flaunt our wealth. they worked really hard for it and they taught us to be very careful with it. i lived in a house my parents own but i pretend i was renting it. my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. we are finally ready to move in together. i told him that my parents actually owned the house and he wouldn't have had to pay any rent. i thought he would be happy but he got all quiet and then said it was bullshit that i hid this from him.
he asked me how i had watched him struggle through the six month where he didn't have a job when i could have helped him out. he said he had been going through his budget so that he could make the move work. he said he didn't really needed any help but just knowing he could have moved in without being a burden for me would have helped his nerves. he also said he felt i was testing him by not telling him earlier and lying about the amount of rent i paid.
i feel guilty. i wanted to help him but i just didn't want to tell him that my parents are wealthy. it makes things weird. we have such natural chemistry that i didn't want to ruin it and i never even noticed that he was struggling. he seemed to able handle unemployment well and he was up and about trying to get a job and he got a great one. he is great. i feel shit for lying to him.
| 3,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/raqyfw/aita_for_lying_that_i_was_renting_my_apartment/
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2021-12-07 04:45:20
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yta. if this was someone you’d been dating for a couple weeks or months i’d feel differently, but two years? you can be truthful about it with your partner of two whole years without “flaunting” your parents’ wealth. you’ve broken his trust, failed to understand his struggles, and kept up a series of lies for no reason. you owe him an apology for sure.
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yta. i agree with other commentators that he is not entitled to your parents funds, but this isn't a simple omission. you must have kept him from meeting your parents; lied to him about what they did, where they lived, etc. for me, the worst part is all the times you probably smiled and nodded in mock understanding whenever he griped about the rent in your area or the cost of necessities. you certainly can have legitimate reasons for not flaunting your wealth, and only moving in with someone when you are certain they love you (and not your money) - but at the same time he has every reason to feel hurt. you have consistently lied to him for the entire relationship because you did not trust him. now you expect him to be happy that you finally do. i don't think you're an awful person, and i don't think is a relationship-killer, but you do owe him a very sincere apology.
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>i feel guilty. i wanted to help him but i just didn't want to tell him that my parents are wealthy.
>i never even noticed that he was struggling.
so, which is it?
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yta for not noticing he was struggling? seriously?
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info: why didn't you tell him before? you were together for 2 years, not two months.
i don't know how old you two are or what his unemployment situation was like (was he being picky about jobs?), but most people i know would have been struggling on some level being unemployed for 6 months. still, he wouldn't have been entitled to just moving in with you.
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yta. it’s fine not to flaunt your wealth and all that, but there’s a time when a relationship becomes serious enough that you need to be honest and open with each other and share this kind of secret which you’re not comfortable telling others.
that time is long before you’ve been dating for two years and talking about moving in together. he’s correct to be pissed off and offended because someone he thought he knew xbox loved has been lying to him the entire time they’ve been together.
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yta
you can't have a real relationship when one person lies and hides the truth about something major, like finances. you've been together for 2 years and still couldn't confide in him that your parents owned the house you're living in, therefore you don't pay rent? even when he was down on his luck and unemployed? you wouldn't even throw him a breadcrumb, letting him stay with you?
wow. and you say that you have a natural chemistry. i would say the negative impact this has had isn't going to add up to anything positive in your relationship.
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yta. you watched him struggle to make you happy knowing that it wasn't necessary. dont pretend you didn't notice. jfc. i'd dump you.
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yta. i have always been ashamed for my parents wealth and wouldn't tell everybody. but in all my relationships, i have always known that i financially had the upper hand, and i always made sure to help where necessarily. you can find other ways to balance the imbalances in your relationship, nobody will ever be 100 % equal in all situations. and you are blind, if you have not been noticing that he has been struggling.
and what is wealth worth, if you cannot be generous with it, especially with your loved ones.
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this one is tricky - 2 years is a really long time to not come clean, but his reaction makes it clear that he would’ve treated you differently if he had known. i think it depends on how far you went with the lie- if it was more of an omission and skimming over details that’s different to making up lies about a fictional landlord and leases etc.
regardless of who was right or wrong, i suggest taking this opportunity to have an open and honest conversation about both of your finances going forward so that you’ve got boundaries established in case he thinks he could ask you for money in future or depend on you/your family. if you have these in your country, you could discuss having a relationship property agreement signed when you move in together - it’s basically a pre-nup but not in the context of a wedding. if he’s going to take issue with anything like that then better to find out now and protect yourself!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents raised me to not flaunt our wealth. they worked really hard for it and they taught us to be very careful with it. i lived in a house my parents own but i pretend i was renting it. my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. we are finally ready to move in together. i told him that my parents actually owned the house and he wouldn't have had to pay any rent. i thought he would be happy but he got all quiet and then said it was bullshit that i hid this from him. he asked me how i had watched him struggle through the six month where he didn't have a job when i could have helped him out. he said he had been going through his budget so that he could make the move work. he said he didn't really needed any help but just knowing he could have moved in without being a burden for me would have helped his nerves. he also said he felt i was testing him by not telling him earlier and lying about the amount of rent i paid. i feel guilty. i wanted to help him but i just didn't want to tell him that my parents are wealthy. it makes things weird. we have such natural chemistry that i didn't want to ruin it and i never even noticed that he was struggling. he seemed to able handle unemployment well and he was up and about trying to get a job and he got a great one. he is great. i feel shit for lying to him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents raised me to not flaunt our wealth. they worked really hard for it and they taught us to be very careful with it. i lived in a house my parents own but i pretend i was renting it. my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. we are finally ready to move in together. i told him that my parents actually owned the house and he wouldn't have had to pay any rent. i thought he would be happy but he got all quiet and then said it was bullshit that i hid this from him. he asked me how i had watched him struggle through the six month where he didn't have a job when i could have helped him out. he said he had been going through his budget so that he could make the move work. he said he didn't really needed any help but just knowing he could have moved in without being a burden for me would have helped his nerves. he also said he felt i was testing him by not telling him earlier and lying about the amount of rent i paid. i feel guilty. i wanted to help him but i just didn't want to tell him that my parents are wealthy. it makes things weird. we have such natural chemistry that i didn't want to ruin it and i never even noticed that he was struggling. he seemed to able handle unemployment well and he was up and about trying to get a job and he got a great one. he is great. i feel shit for lying to him. [/INST] yta. if this was someone you’d been dating for a couple weeks or months i’d feel differently, but two years? you can be truthful about it with your partner of two whole years without “flaunting” your parents’ wealth. you’ve broken his trust, failed to understand his struggles, and kept up a series of lies for no reason. you owe him an apology for sure. </s>
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AITA for demanding that my girlfriends gymnastics routine be less "sexy?"
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i truly want an honest opinion so i'm going to include all details i can w/in char limit, even ones that aren't flattering to me.
i've been dating my gf for about a month. honestly i feel much stronger about her than she does me, but i'm hoping she comes around. she is on our university gymnastics team and is an incredible athlete. i went to her meet this afternoon and was freaking shocked to see how much of her floor routine had "sexual" elements. she did her routine to "p'on da replay" and as an example she crawled on all fours, she shook her ass, she did this thing where she went up and down her body with her finger (including her breasts) and then acted like her finger was sizzling. and during all this, her teammates cheered. i was blown away that this sort of sexuality was not only allowed but encouraged.
after the meet i told her i didn't think she should do that sort of stuff. she told me that it was normal for gymnastics and that her routine had been worked out for years with coaches and choreographers. i told her it was normal for strippers who danced for dollar bills. she told me i didn't get it. i told her that i didn't understand what was to get, i was her boyfriend and it was my job to look out for her. she told me "you are literally and asshole and way overstepping your bounds!" i told her that i didn't want to fight and she said it was too late. so instead of her going on a romantic date i had planned, she decided to hang out with her teammates. i am so upset because i was counting on seeing her tonight.
based on what she said, am i the asshole for thinking her routine should be less sexy and telling her so?
| 12,449 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b4qz08/aita_for_demanding_that_my_girlfriends_gymnastics/
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2019-03-24 01:45:48
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yta, dude. don’t control your girlfriend because of your insecurities. if she competes at the university level, don’t quash her dreams. it’s a routine, not an invitation for sex for every man in the audience. you’re being ridiculous.
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yta.
you’re also probably single now (and deservedly so).
it’s absurd that one month into a relationship you felt you owned your girlfriend enough to tell her how to engage in her sport.
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yta. she's 100% right that you were way overstepping your bounds. you probably won't have to worry about anything she does in the future though. i'd be shocked if she isn't done with your victorian ass.
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[removed]
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yta.
i really only catch gymnastics during the olympics, but what you described doesn't seem too far out there. she's competing at the collegiate level, which means she's pretty damn good, and has people who know what they're doing coaching her.
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as a male competitive gymnast, yta.
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yta
you’re the asshole in so many ways. controlling, overstepping, patriarchal ideas about protection , creepy ideas about purity...
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yta. women don’t need men to look after them or decide how they should act. she’s a competitive athlete who clearly understands what is considered appropriate in her sport.
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[deleted]
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yta but i'm honestly curious what you expected her to say? like "gosh i've been training my whole life and use routine choreographed by a paid professional, but now that *you've* said something i see i've been doing this totally wrong"?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i truly want an honest opinion so i'm going to include all details i can w/in char limit, even ones that aren't flattering to me. i've been dating my gf for about a month. honestly i feel much stronger about her than she does me, but i'm hoping she comes around. she is on our university gymnastics team and is an incredible athlete. i went to her meet this afternoon and was freaking shocked to see how much of her floor routine had "sexual" elements. she did her routine to "p'on da replay" and as an example she crawled on all fours, she shook her ass, she did this thing where she went up and down her body with her finger (including her breasts) and then acted like her finger was sizzling. and during all this, her teammates cheered. i was blown away that this sort of sexuality was not only allowed but encouraged. after the meet i told her i didn't think she should do that sort of stuff. she told me that it was normal for gymnastics and that her routine had been worked out for years with coaches and choreographers. i told her it was normal for strippers who danced for dollar bills. she told me i didn't get it. i told her that i didn't understand what was to get, i was her boyfriend and it was my job to look out for her. she told me "you are literally and asshole and way overstepping your bounds!" i told her that i didn't want to fight and she said it was too late. so instead of her going on a romantic date i had planned, she decided to hang out with her teammates. i am so upset because i was counting on seeing her tonight. based on what she said, am i the asshole for thinking her routine should be less sexy and telling her so?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i truly want an honest opinion so i'm going to include all details i can w/in char limit, even ones that aren't flattering to me. i've been dating my gf for about a month. honestly i feel much stronger about her than she does me, but i'm hoping she comes around. she is on our university gymnastics team and is an incredible athlete. i went to her meet this afternoon and was freaking shocked to see how much of her floor routine had "sexual" elements. she did her routine to "p'on da replay" and as an example she crawled on all fours, she shook her ass, she did this thing where she went up and down her body with her finger (including her breasts) and then acted like her finger was sizzling. and during all this, her teammates cheered. i was blown away that this sort of sexuality was not only allowed but encouraged. after the meet i told her i didn't think she should do that sort of stuff. she told me that it was normal for gymnastics and that her routine had been worked out for years with coaches and choreographers. i told her it was normal for strippers who danced for dollar bills. she told me i didn't get it. i told her that i didn't understand what was to get, i was her boyfriend and it was my job to look out for her. she told me "you are literally and asshole and way overstepping your bounds!" i told her that i didn't want to fight and she said it was too late. so instead of her going on a romantic date i had planned, she decided to hang out with her teammates. i am so upset because i was counting on seeing her tonight. based on what she said, am i the asshole for thinking her routine should be less sexy and telling her so? [/INST] yta, dude. don’t control your girlfriend because of your insecurities. if she competes at the university level, don’t quash her dreams. it’s a routine, not an invitation for sex for every man in the audience. you’re being ridiculous. </s>
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AITA for being Hawaiian and having my dad talk to the principal.
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i (17m) do not believe i am ta but my gf (18f) broke up with me over everything.
last week in history we were talking about wwii and the discussion moved towards pearl harbor. my teacher asked a girl, we'll call her mele, her opinions on pearl harbor as a hawaiian. she gave some kind of bs answer about how the opinion is pretty divided among hawaiians and how her grandma was there that day and was happy to see the military base be bombed because allegedly she and her family were treated bad by those stationed there.
i interjected that i, as a hawaiian, was disgusted by her comments and that no one should be happy seeing anyone get bombed. she said i wasn't hawaiian and that pretending to be and speaking over her grandmas experience was disgusting. i told her i was born in hawaii and lived there longer than her so maybe she's the one who shouldn't be speaking about hawaiian experiences. i said my nationality is hawaiian and there's nothing she could do about it. she then said you could only be ethnically hawaiian because hawaii isn't a nation anymore and that my nationality is american. she then insulted me by saying that me being born on base in hawaii didn't make me hawaiian it made me a colonizer. i told her she's a racist and told my teacher i can't believe he was allowing her to speak like that but he said i was the one who was acting inappropriate.
so i was talking to my gf about it during and she said that i was in the wrong and didn't talk to me until the next day when she said she thinks we should break up because we are going to different colleges and she didn't like who i was anymore???
well this weekend my dad asked what was up with me and my girlfriend and i told him everything and he said my history teacher was out of line and asked if i wanted him to talk to the principal. so yesterday we did and word got around school. now people have been calling me racist but there are also people calling mele out on her shit as well. so who's the asshole here?
| 8,565 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/si4e6p/aita_for_being_hawaiian_and_having_my_dad_talk_to/
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2022-02-01 20:15:20
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yta. if you're not ethnically hawaiian, which it sounds like you're not, then you are a white american who was born in hawaii. this is not the same thing. i'm sure a lot of people will answer without understanding this history but that girl in your class was 100% right. your experience and perspective is your right but you cannot use that to speak for native people's who were colonized by america and have a very different perspective. you come across like a typical entitled white guy. your girlfriend broke up with you because you're not only ignorant but insensitive and entitled.
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yta for thinking that being from hawaii is the same as being ethnically hawaiian.
the teacher also sucks for calling on the one native hawaiian in the class to represent the hawaiian viewpoint. it’s like calling on the one jewish kid when talking about the holocaust, or the one black kid when talking about slavery.
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yta. there is a huge difference between being born in hawaii and hawaiian heritage. please learn the difference.
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yta.
im an american. i was born here. im not a native american. i dont chime in on conversations asking for a native americans pov.
you were born in hawaii. you are not a hawaiian native, which is what was being asked. your ancestors did not live in the kingdom of hawaii. you were not forcibly annexed by the united states. you dont have a unique perspective to share.
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"people shouldn't bomb people." wait till you find out what colonization involved.
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yta for talking over an ethnic hawai’ian.
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yta, not for calling out the bombing comments but for insinuating being born in hawaii is the same as being an ethnic hawaiian. you clearly show at a minimum historical insensitivity or at a max have a sense of cultural supremacy.
i do not think you are racist however, if you are open to learning more about the history maybe you can learn why you were deemed inappropriate.
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yta-sounds like mele has some valid points. you failed to see both sides and escalated this to parents and principle.
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yta, and you’re not hawaiian. you were born there as a product of colonization. time to listen to the actual hawaiians and accept the truth. “hawaiian” is an ethnicity, not a nationality. if you’re white, you’re white, it doesn’t matter where you were born.
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there’s a pretty big key detail you left out:
do you have native hawaiian ancestry in your family, or were you just born in hawaii?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17m) do not believe i am ta but my gf (18f) broke up with me over everything. last week in history we were talking about wwii and the discussion moved towards pearl harbor. my teacher asked a girl, we'll call her mele, her opinions on pearl harbor as a hawaiian. she gave some kind of bs answer about how the opinion is pretty divided among hawaiians and how her grandma was there that day and was happy to see the military base be bombed because allegedly she and her family were treated bad by those stationed there. i interjected that i, as a hawaiian, was disgusted by her comments and that no one should be happy seeing anyone get bombed. she said i wasn't hawaiian and that pretending to be and speaking over her grandmas experience was disgusting. i told her i was born in hawaii and lived there longer than her so maybe she's the one who shouldn't be speaking about hawaiian experiences. i said my nationality is hawaiian and there's nothing she could do about it. she then said you could only be ethnically hawaiian because hawaii isn't a nation anymore and that my nationality is american. she then insulted me by saying that me being born on base in hawaii didn't make me hawaiian it made me a colonizer. i told her she's a racist and told my teacher i can't believe he was allowing her to speak like that but he said i was the one who was acting inappropriate. so i was talking to my gf about it during and she said that i was in the wrong and didn't talk to me until the next day when she said she thinks we should break up because we are going to different colleges and she didn't like who i was anymore??? well this weekend my dad asked what was up with me and my girlfriend and i told him everything and he said my history teacher was out of line and asked if i wanted him to talk to the principal. so yesterday we did and word got around school. now people have been calling me racist but there are also people calling mele out on her shit as well. so who's the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) do not believe i am ta but my gf (18f) broke up with me over everything. last week in history we were talking about wwii and the discussion moved towards pearl harbor. my teacher asked a girl, we'll call her mele, her opinions on pearl harbor as a hawaiian. she gave some kind of bs answer about how the opinion is pretty divided among hawaiians and how her grandma was there that day and was happy to see the military base be bombed because allegedly she and her family were treated bad by those stationed there. i interjected that i, as a hawaiian, was disgusted by her comments and that no one should be happy seeing anyone get bombed. she said i wasn't hawaiian and that pretending to be and speaking over her grandmas experience was disgusting. i told her i was born in hawaii and lived there longer than her so maybe she's the one who shouldn't be speaking about hawaiian experiences. i said my nationality is hawaiian and there's nothing she could do about it. she then said you could only be ethnically hawaiian because hawaii isn't a nation anymore and that my nationality is american. she then insulted me by saying that me being born on base in hawaii didn't make me hawaiian it made me a colonizer. i told her she's a racist and told my teacher i can't believe he was allowing her to speak like that but he said i was the one who was acting inappropriate. so i was talking to my gf about it during and she said that i was in the wrong and didn't talk to me until the next day when she said she thinks we should break up because we are going to different colleges and she didn't like who i was anymore??? well this weekend my dad asked what was up with me and my girlfriend and i told him everything and he said my history teacher was out of line and asked if i wanted him to talk to the principal. so yesterday we did and word got around school. now people have been calling me racist but there are also people calling mele out on her shit as well. so who's the asshole here? [/INST] yta. if you're not ethnically hawaiian, which it sounds like you're not, then you are a white american who was born in hawaii. this is not the same thing. i'm sure a lot of people will answer without understanding this history but that girl in your class was 100% right. your experience and perspective is your right but you cannot use that to speak for native people's who were colonized by america and have a very different perspective. you come across like a typical entitled white guy. your girlfriend broke up with you because you're not only ignorant but insensitive and entitled. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter to get over herself?
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my husband said to post this here because he likes to read the sub and thinks people here give good opinions. i'm 50f, daughter is 26f. she is getting a phd and is the first in our family to go to college let alone grad school.
we were talking on facetime and she mentioned she was meeting with an adviser to talk about submitting an application for a grant to go to germany for two weeks in the summer. i said it sounded awesome especially since i am half german, making her part german as well and that i've always wanted to see germany so maybe i could come out with her and make it a girls trip. she said that "it's not a vacation, if i go i'm going to be teaching and researching and networking the entire time i'm there." i said she can do that during the weekdays and we can go out to dinner in the evenings and then go sightseeing on the weekends. she said it's already a very cramped amount of time (two weeks in europe cramped??) and that she wants to spend her free time networking with other "academics" there and making connections at the university. i said i'm happy to also meet the "academics" and she said it wouldn't work like that, and she'd look childish bringing a parent to all of the events with her.
at this point i was feeling completely tossed aside, like i'm not good enough to be around her "academic" life and "academic" friends. like she would be embarrassed to have me around. so i said "you need to get over yourself and quick, because all of these "academics" aren't going to be the only people you meet and not everyone loves her unconditionally to put up with such annoying and elitist talk." she just said "okay" and hung up.
my husband was upset with me because now she's being short with us but i know he's also annoyed at her constantly going to all these research trips and conventions (a hawaii trip, a seattle trip, a dc trip) and whenever we say we want to come with her (and we're not even expecting to be paid for, we'd pay for it ourselves) she says she won't have time, completely blowing us off.
so since my husband apparently now thinks i'm an a-hole and my daughter clearly does, i figured i'd ask here.
| 9,009 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tn6r82/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_get_over_herself/
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2022-03-24 22:02:13
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yta
your daughter is not going on vacation. get that through your head.
take your own advice and get over it. you're not entitled to go on these trips.
*edit*
wow thank you for the awards!!
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mam. this is her job. grad school is work. she’s getting money to work. it would be incredibly inappropriate for you to attend a work trip with you daughter. i’ve spent 2 weeks in germany and that was with no plan and just vibing and it felt tight. i can’t imagine how stress a work trip would be in a foreign country. hell i speak german! does she? this isn’t a vacation
so. in short. yta. or im deutsche: du bist das arschloch
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yta. i’m literally stunned how you could think it’s ok to go with your 26 year old grown adult child on a work trip. who does that?? it’s not about being embarrassed by you because you aren’t educated. it’s about being embarrassed by you because no one brings mommy to work functions. you need serious therapy if you think it’s ok to follow your daughter around on work trips. if you want to go to these places then go on your own. if you want to see your daughter then see her when she’s not working. you’re lucky she hasn’t cut all contact with you.
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yta. you’re the one who needs to get over yourself, not your daughter.
she is working, she’s not on vacation. if you want to have a vacation with her so bad then why not plan one?
>i was feeling completely tossed aside, like i’m not good enough to be around her “academic” life and “academic” friends. like she would be embarrassed to have me around.
you’re taking this way too personal. it’s not about her being embarrassed of you. it’s just not professional to bring mommy along while you’re trying to network. how are they supposed to take her seriously?
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yta
this is not a vacation. she is traveling for work. she is not going to carry her mom along to work events and research.
none of that other travel is vacations either. you're asking her to do something she is potentially not allowed to do (have someone else stay with her despite university or gran money paying for travel expenses). that could get her in huge trouble. and you are asking her to ruin her networking events by having you present - no one bring their mom to their business meetings.
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yta
why don't you just listen to what she's telling you?
why do you expect to go with her?
she's right. they're not pleasure trips. for a phd candidate especially, they're intense. and if she wants to get somewhere in her field she does need to invest in the networking. it's a lot of work she'll be doing on those trips.
and of course it would be weird to bring your mother to work events. like in any other job, it would look extremely childish and unprofessional to be brining your ma along like you're a kid getting dropped off at a sleepover.
you're being childish to treat this as though she's rejecting you. she's not blowing you off, she's working. *it's not about you*.
you sound insecure thtat she's gone to grad school and *you* think she's moving beyond you so you're trying to muscle in on everywhere she goes to prove you're still good enough for her. and now you've lashed out and insulted her for it.
apologise immediately.
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yta! a huge ah! as a current phd student, i can tell you these trips are work trips. they aren’t supposed to be for fun and family, and your daughter is right- it would be *incredibly* unprofessional for you to attend. travel to international conferences and institutions (“”all these research trips to hawaii and dc””) is part of her job, nothing more and nothing less. how would it feel if she tagged along with you to the office and followed you around all day? would you be productive? would it look good to your colleagues? i would hazard to guess your answer would be “no”.
not only that, but i can tell you first hand that these sorts of trips are exhausting- you’re working constantly, having meetings, going to talks, learning, teaching. it often ends up being far more than a m-f 9-5 schedule.
you are the one who needs to get over *yourself*. your daughters academic work is not about you. you should be proud that she is taking her work so seriously, and getting fellowships to go to these sorts of things, they are often very competitive.
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she doesn't want to bring her mommy to a work journey. she's there to meet new people and make connections.
schedule a vacation with her as a family and go together.
yta
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yta.
look: this is a work trip. she has been studying for years--literally years--to get to this point.
you want to waltz in and distract her (bad.) and even when she tries to explain your idea is wrong, you still get mad... at her?
yeah, yta. apologize.
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yta.
she's not taking a vacation. she's going to work for her phd.
you're using emotional blackmail to get what you want. i'm guessing this is not the first time you've done that and it won't be the last.
get over yourself. your can't control your daughter, and judging her because you don't understand her world is just going to make her distance herself even more.
you also sound kind of jealous of her succes and opportunities.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband said to post this here because he likes to read the sub and thinks people here give good opinions. i'm 50f, daughter is 26f. she is getting a phd and is the first in our family to go to college let alone grad school. we were talking on facetime and she mentioned she was meeting with an adviser to talk about submitting an application for a grant to go to germany for two weeks in the summer. i said it sounded awesome especially since i am half german, making her part german as well and that i've always wanted to see germany so maybe i could come out with her and make it a girls trip. she said that "it's not a vacation, if i go i'm going to be teaching and researching and networking the entire time i'm there." i said she can do that during the weekdays and we can go out to dinner in the evenings and then go sightseeing on the weekends. she said it's already a very cramped amount of time (two weeks in europe cramped??) and that she wants to spend her free time networking with other "academics" there and making connections at the university. i said i'm happy to also meet the "academics" and she said it wouldn't work like that, and she'd look childish bringing a parent to all of the events with her. at this point i was feeling completely tossed aside, like i'm not good enough to be around her "academic" life and "academic" friends. like she would be embarrassed to have me around. so i said "you need to get over yourself and quick, because all of these "academics" aren't going to be the only people you meet and not everyone loves her unconditionally to put up with such annoying and elitist talk." she just said "okay" and hung up. my husband was upset with me because now she's being short with us but i know he's also annoyed at her constantly going to all these research trips and conventions (a hawaii trip, a seattle trip, a dc trip) and whenever we say we want to come with her (and we're not even expecting to be paid for, we'd pay for it ourselves) she says she won't have time, completely blowing us off. so since my husband apparently now thinks i'm an a-hole and my daughter clearly does, i figured i'd ask here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband said to post this here because he likes to read the sub and thinks people here give good opinions. i'm 50f, daughter is 26f. she is getting a phd and is the first in our family to go to college let alone grad school. we were talking on facetime and she mentioned she was meeting with an adviser to talk about submitting an application for a grant to go to germany for two weeks in the summer. i said it sounded awesome especially since i am half german, making her part german as well and that i've always wanted to see germany so maybe i could come out with her and make it a girls trip. she said that "it's not a vacation, if i go i'm going to be teaching and researching and networking the entire time i'm there." i said she can do that during the weekdays and we can go out to dinner in the evenings and then go sightseeing on the weekends. she said it's already a very cramped amount of time (two weeks in europe cramped??) and that she wants to spend her free time networking with other "academics" there and making connections at the university. i said i'm happy to also meet the "academics" and she said it wouldn't work like that, and she'd look childish bringing a parent to all of the events with her. at this point i was feeling completely tossed aside, like i'm not good enough to be around her "academic" life and "academic" friends. like she would be embarrassed to have me around. so i said "you need to get over yourself and quick, because all of these "academics" aren't going to be the only people you meet and not everyone loves her unconditionally to put up with such annoying and elitist talk." she just said "okay" and hung up. my husband was upset with me because now she's being short with us but i know he's also annoyed at her constantly going to all these research trips and conventions (a hawaii trip, a seattle trip, a dc trip) and whenever we say we want to come with her (and we're not even expecting to be paid for, we'd pay for it ourselves) she says she won't have time, completely blowing us off. so since my husband apparently now thinks i'm an a-hole and my daughter clearly does, i figured i'd ask here. [/INST] yta your daughter is not going on vacation. get that through your head. take your own advice and get over it. you're not entitled to go on these trips. *edit* wow thank you for the awards!! </s>
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AITA for laughing in my brother and SIL’s faces when they demanded to use my credit card?
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so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens.
i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt.
the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money.
things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out.
when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?
| 30,181 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j7b7ew/aita_for_laughing_in_my_brother_and_sils_faces/
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2020-10-08 11:16:22
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nta.
do not let them bully you into committing fraud.
the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you.
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nta - your family are being incredibly manipulative. this isn’t free money and they are trying to saddle you with debt.
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definitely nta. it's just like your dad said. they are trying to manipulate and use you. you owe them nothing. if they want payment for babysitting you then they need to get that money from your mom and dad. which your dad is made clear won't happen. they're trying to use your credit and/or credit card and stick you with the bill. you already pointed out they can't manage their own finances and are already in debt. stay away from these people.
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nta sheesh. hide the card, and keep an eye on your credit score just in case they decide to open a new card with your ssn (assuming they have access to that)
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what drugs are they on, bc credit cards aren’t “free money,” you have to pay back the money later on! no wonder they have credit card debt.
nta. never lend out your credit card.
you might charge shared expenses to your credit card to accrue credit, but make sure to demand the other party pays you back within a certain timeline or if they are charging another shared expense to their credit card to offset the “loan.” but don’t give out your credit card number and cvc, ever.
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nta your father is right. it’s ugly when family take advantage of family. go and hug your father for protecting you.
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nta. what in the hell level of entitlement is this? they are insane. the credit card is yours. they are not now, nor ever will be, entitled to use it.
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[deleted]
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nta, and look into locking your credit card. pretty much every card i've ever had has a lock option in the app, so it can't be used unless you go into the app and unlock it. that way if they find a way to steal your card you won't have to fight with the credit card company to get your money back, and you can use it for whatever small purchases you want by going into the app right before-hand and unlocking it long enough to put the charge on your card and locking it again.
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nta. if your mother feels so strongly about this tell her to lead by example. after all, they did babysit you when you were young! they are trying to steal from you. clear and simple. if they cannot pay off their own debts no way they'll be good to paying you back.
your mother very much seems like an enabler. taking on more debt is the least thing they need. you're doing exactly the right thing by both living within your means and keeping them from taking you down with them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i am 22f. i don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as i still live at home as i’m at university. i do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, i pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff i want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as i can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. currently, i am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if i pass decently, i can use some of my savings towards getting a car. i’m in my final year of uni so i’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. i also decided to get a credit card so i can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. my credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. i should point out that at most i only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and i paid it off quickly. i do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as i’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. the only people i disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and sil (both 28.) she happened to overhear us talking one day and before i knew it, my brother and sil got wind and asked me if they could use it. they both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since i basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” i told them quite politely that i was really uncomfortable with that idea and that i would owe the money and i can’t magic up that kind of money. things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. they were nice to start with but basically started demanding i let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. i got really angry and when my brother said i owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, i laughed in their faces and walked out. when i came home, i learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. my mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and sil. the only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos i’m young and they think i’m vulnerable. my brother, sil and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. it’s really messing with my head and i just want everyone to stop being in an argument. aita? [/INST] nta. do not let them bully you into committing fraud. the only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. they won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. i think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. your dad is right. they’re trying to take advantage of you. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for nephews schooling after he stole from me?
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my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much.
well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet.
i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing?
| 18,887 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5zoyr/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_nephews_schooling/
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2021-06-22 23:02:47
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nta - here's what i'm sure happened. your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. the nephew couldn't care less and think what he did was fine. at that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you.
he wants the money, he is not genuinely remorseful. think of it as free money and treat yourself.
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nta he's only sorry that he got caught. he's not sorry for betraying your trust. keep the money, put it towards your retirement.
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nta. thank goodness all that money was still in your name in some mutual funds. if your nephew was stealing from you, who wasn't he cheating in his life? losing out on the money is a tough lesson for him to learn, but a lot easier than jail, which is where he was headed.
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nta. your money your decision. did he steal from him dad as well?
if you want to do something good with that money i would locate 4 worthy kids from your local town or city and give them the money towards their loans.
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nta - he is 21 years old according to a reply and seems to be only sorry now that he got caught and realized how severe the consequences are. 40k are a lot of money, especially at that age and he openly disrespected you in such a way. this is terrible. if he needed money for something important, food, medicine, etc. - he should have asked, not stolen it. and apparently, he has done so repeatedly. hell no.
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nta. it's interesting how in all his "apologies", he doesn't seem to have offered to return your jewelry (which he probably pawned) or repaid you the money. don't give him a cent.
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nta. it’s your money. use it how you want. you never promised him anything and if your brother didn’t tell him, he would have never known.
your nephew didn’t even try asking for the money before resorting to stealing. that says a lot about his character. so does his lack of remorse until he realized what he lost out on. don’t give him anything.
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nta and he should be thankful you aren’t pressing charges. he’s very obviously only “apologizing” to get the money, he’s not sorry. if he *truly* was so desperate for money, why didn’t he just ask? it’s not like it’s embarrassing to be broke in college.
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nta - a thief that steals from his own family is the lowest of the low. he does not deserve your hard-earned money.
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nta, you taught him a lesson he will never forget, well worth it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much. well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet. i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much. well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet. i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing? [/INST] nta - here's what i'm sure happened. your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. the nephew couldn't care less and think what he did was fine. at that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you. he wants the money, he is not genuinely remorseful. think of it as free money and treat yourself. </s>
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AITA for throwing away the expensive whiskey my brother got me for my 40th?
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i'm 40m, just turned forty last week. i'm divorced and have 2 teenage kids with my ex wife, 17m and 14f.
my whole family came to my and my gf's appartment last saturday for my birthday party: my parents, some aunts and uncles, some cousins, my 3 brothers with their families, my two kids (and my gf's 15yro son who lives with us).
i am a recovered alcoholic, i've been sober for 6 years now. alcohol absolutely ruined my life, it destroyed my marriage and nuked my relationship with my kids for years. i don't allow alcohol in my home now, for anyone. it just isn't served or tolerated here. my entire family knows this very well, as they know my entire history with alcohol.
for my 40th, my brother bought me a very expensive bottle of whiskey, it had writing on it, a very heavy bottle and very old whiskey, so it probably cost him a couple hundred bucks.
when he gave me the bottle, i was shocked, and said i don't drink, but thanks for the gift. he then opened the bottle and started pouring shots in plastic cups for everyone. my daughter had a panic attack at the smell of the alcohol (which i am painfully aware is my fault and i will never forgive myself for it), so i told my brother to take the alcohol out on the balcony and just leave it there. he wouldn't do it, and took a shot of the whiskey.
i told him to seriously stop it and he proceeded to pour the whiskey. he then said i am acting like a sober saint now, when i ruined everyone's birthdays for years with my drinking. i told him to come to the hallway with me and talk it out. he refused and put a glass of whiskey in my hand.
i took the trash can, threw the whiskey bottle in it and the plastic cups, and took the trash out.
my brother then stormed off and my mom followed him. she later called me, demanding an apology for disrespecting my brother like that. my dad said i was being overly sensitive, and some of my other family members also agree.
aita here?
| 19,637 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zqro4j/aita_for_throwing_away_the_expensive_whiskey_my/
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2022-12-20 15:43:46
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nta. what your brother did is really, really awful and cruel. possibly the worst gift i’ve ever heard of someone giving another, especially as he is aware of your struggles and recovery. . congratulations on recovery and standing up for yourself and your family.
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wtf! nta. brother was being horrendously abusive/taunting. read the room dude, especially the pain this caused the kids. not a situation to double down on your bottle flex.
mom and anyone upset at op can pound sand and get their juice on their own time. op should have drain poured it to prevent them from dumpster diving afterwards. i say this as someone who drinks. the level of disrespect shown op here is off the charts. nc the lot of them.
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nta, your brother clearly has some lingering resentment and issues about your past but instead of talking to you about it like an adult, he chose the pettiest, most passive agressive, and most inappropiate way to adress it. you don't do that shit in front of the whole family and specially not the kids, who as you said, suffered enough already. your brother is an asshole and your family is insane for supporting that behavior.
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hell no!!!
you are **nta**.
i'm a recovering alcoholic, too and i'd have physically removed anyone from my house for "gifting" me a bottle of alcohol. your family is crazy, and your brother is abhorrent. he's the one who openly disrespected you, and the rest of your family can kick rocks.
you owe no apologies. you actually owe them nothing (including any explanation or reply).
congratulations on six years!!! i swear it keeps getting better. ok, life keeps happening, but i keep getting better...i'm proud of you.
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nta - did you call your sponsor?
6 years is no joke - but i’ve seen more people break down between 5-10 than any other span.
take this seriously for your sobriety sake and make sure you talk to someone in your circle about it.
congratulations on your hard work.
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nta.
is he one of the reasons you started drinking? what an entitled lemon crusted tea stain of a wet fart.
he might be angry at you for your past, but clearly being an asshole is part of his personality.
he knew exactly what he was doing and he had full intention to hurt you.
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nta. if there's anyone who's an asshole here, it will be your brother. alcohol addiction is not a joke. if they want to drink, they should've done it on their own birthday party. this kind of family member makes me vomit.
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nta. this is horrific. your brother acted shamefully and your mother's response is incomprehensible.
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as a child of two alcoholic parents, this would be such a nightmare situation for me. i totally relate to your 14yo for freaking out. my mom has been sober for almost 7 years and i still have nightmares of her relapsing. so seeing her near alcohol or even holding a glass would be super upsetting. and i’m almost 28. nta. please comfort and reassure your kids too. good on you for getting sober! not an easy feat.
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nta, run from this. my dad was sober for 10 years before his mom convinced him to have just one drink at new years. fuck that. it wasn't just one drink.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 40m, just turned forty last week. i'm divorced and have 2 teenage kids with my ex wife, 17m and 14f. my whole family came to my and my gf's appartment last saturday for my birthday party: my parents, some aunts and uncles, some cousins, my 3 brothers with their families, my two kids (and my gf's 15yro son who lives with us). i am a recovered alcoholic, i've been sober for 6 years now. alcohol absolutely ruined my life, it destroyed my marriage and nuked my relationship with my kids for years. i don't allow alcohol in my home now, for anyone. it just isn't served or tolerated here. my entire family knows this very well, as they know my entire history with alcohol. for my 40th, my brother bought me a very expensive bottle of whiskey, it had writing on it, a very heavy bottle and very old whiskey, so it probably cost him a couple hundred bucks. when he gave me the bottle, i was shocked, and said i don't drink, but thanks for the gift. he then opened the bottle and started pouring shots in plastic cups for everyone. my daughter had a panic attack at the smell of the alcohol (which i am painfully aware is my fault and i will never forgive myself for it), so i told my brother to take the alcohol out on the balcony and just leave it there. he wouldn't do it, and took a shot of the whiskey. i told him to seriously stop it and he proceeded to pour the whiskey. he then said i am acting like a sober saint now, when i ruined everyone's birthdays for years with my drinking. i told him to come to the hallway with me and talk it out. he refused and put a glass of whiskey in my hand. i took the trash can, threw the whiskey bottle in it and the plastic cups, and took the trash out. my brother then stormed off and my mom followed him. she later called me, demanding an apology for disrespecting my brother like that. my dad said i was being overly sensitive, and some of my other family members also agree. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 40m, just turned forty last week. i'm divorced and have 2 teenage kids with my ex wife, 17m and 14f. my whole family came to my and my gf's appartment last saturday for my birthday party: my parents, some aunts and uncles, some cousins, my 3 brothers with their families, my two kids (and my gf's 15yro son who lives with us). i am a recovered alcoholic, i've been sober for 6 years now. alcohol absolutely ruined my life, it destroyed my marriage and nuked my relationship with my kids for years. i don't allow alcohol in my home now, for anyone. it just isn't served or tolerated here. my entire family knows this very well, as they know my entire history with alcohol. for my 40th, my brother bought me a very expensive bottle of whiskey, it had writing on it, a very heavy bottle and very old whiskey, so it probably cost him a couple hundred bucks. when he gave me the bottle, i was shocked, and said i don't drink, but thanks for the gift. he then opened the bottle and started pouring shots in plastic cups for everyone. my daughter had a panic attack at the smell of the alcohol (which i am painfully aware is my fault and i will never forgive myself for it), so i told my brother to take the alcohol out on the balcony and just leave it there. he wouldn't do it, and took a shot of the whiskey. i told him to seriously stop it and he proceeded to pour the whiskey. he then said i am acting like a sober saint now, when i ruined everyone's birthdays for years with my drinking. i told him to come to the hallway with me and talk it out. he refused and put a glass of whiskey in my hand. i took the trash can, threw the whiskey bottle in it and the plastic cups, and took the trash out. my brother then stormed off and my mom followed him. she later called me, demanding an apology for disrespecting my brother like that. my dad said i was being overly sensitive, and some of my other family members also agree. aita here? [/INST] nta. what your brother did is really, really awful and cruel. possibly the worst gift i’ve ever heard of someone giving another, especially as he is aware of your struggles and recovery. . congratulations on recovery and standing up for yourself and your family. </s>
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AITA for kicking out my sister after she sabotaged a meeting with a fertility clinic?
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8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father.
when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision.
when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects.
my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out.
she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened.
we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations.
when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place.
since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house.
aita?
| 26,285 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iotv4b/aita_for_kicking_out_my_sister_after_she/
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2020-09-08 13:48:15
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nta
she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family.
call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation
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nta, this is grounds for a permanent ban in my opinion, especially with the “my daughter” comment
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nta. once sister adopted lucy to you, she stopped getting to make these decisions. she is an aunt now, not a mom and gets to make decisions aunt get to make, which emphatically doesn't include decisions about siblings.
i'm curious about what changed between her being ok with you and your hubby having kids and now that has gotten her acting this way, but it's ultimately immaterial (my guess is it's a weird biological thing - she may be worried that if the child is biologically your wife's then the child would be "unrelated" - you get that kind of stuff from people sometimes). she's ta, definitely to the point of being kicked out, and you're completely 100% in the clear.
have a good day and i hope you are able to reschedule soon to get the ball rolling on a little brother or sister for lucy.
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info why did the identity of lucy's father matter?
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nta.
even if your sister hadn't done the horrible thing she did, it is clear she shouldn't move back in. she clearly still sees lucy as "her" daughter, with you and your wife as the caretakers rather than her parents. she seems to think she has an equal voice as to the number of kids in your family, when she has no voice at all.
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100% nta. your sister on the other hand is behaving like a spoilt brat chucking a tantrum
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nta. like so much nta i can’t even explain. shame on your sister. also mega shame on your parents. it’s not a family’s personal obligation to take on the problems of other members. your sister and parents have shown themselves to be selfish and manipulative. keep them all at arms length and protect your mental health.
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nta. definitely not. your sister has lied and has been trying to manipulate you since day 1.
also, do not let your parents guilt trip you into taking her back. so you're an a for not wanting your sister back, but they don't want their daughter back too? it's the pot calling the kettle black.
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info can you clarify what she did to break up your marriage? did she say your former husband was the father?
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nta. she's interfering in things that are none of her business and trying to control your lives when she can barely manage her own life. personally i would go completely no-contact with her until she gets therapy to work through her feelings and learn to control herself.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
8 years ago, my (29f) sister (32f) got pregnant. the father wasn't involved and my sister didn't want the baby, but she also couldn't bring herself to terminate or adopt out to strangers. she approached me and my (now ex) husband, and asked if we would be willing to adopt her child. we weren't sure as we were concerned this would lead to issues down the line but my sister insisted that it wouldn't so we ultimately agreed. before lucy was a year old, my husband left us both because my sister lied about lucy's father. when lucy was 4, i got together with my wife, and we married last year. my sister has said that seeing me and my wife with lucy (who is now 7) confirms to her that she made the right decision. when i first adopted lucy, my husband and i told my sister that we wanted multiple children, which she said she was fine with at the time, but now my wife and i are looking into our options and my sister objects. my sister has been staying with us since july because her boyfriend kicked her out. she keeps asking lucy if she's sure she wants siblings (lucy has said that she does), and telling us she's worried we won't be able to give lucy what she needs, and then today happened. we had an online consultation with a fertility clinic to talk about sperm donation. we told my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on lucy while we talked. the wifi went randomly on and off 3 times during the session, booting us out of the call each time. the third time, my wife went to check it and saw my sister holding the power cord, and lucy trying to plug it back in. lucy saw my wife and said "auntie keeps turning the wifi off". wife plugged it back in, but we could no longer get into the session and we got an email from the doctor saying that if the wifi is going to be this bad then maybe we should try a more local clinic as we can't do online consultations. when we confronted my sister she admitted that she wants lucy to be an only child so she has 100% of our undivided attention, and then said in a sarcastic tone "forgive me for only wanting what's best for my daughter" to which we responded that lucy isn't her daughter. things escalated until i said that my sister should go stay with our parents, and my wife drove her to their place. since leaving (a few hours ago) she's apologised and begged to come back, and my parents have also asked me to take her back, but i've refused. they've all called me an arsehole for kicking my own sister out after one argument, because now she's unable to get to work (no car and too far to walk) and she's back in her childhood room while at our place she had a studio to herself behind the house. aita? [/INST] nta she messed with the wifi and ruined a consultation that could’ve given your little family a lovely new addition. she ruined and delayed something that was important to your family. call the clinic back and explain that the wifi problem has been solved and you’d like another consultation </s>
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AITA – Friend keeps bringing his GF every time we have a get-together, so we stopped inviting him
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first-time poster, throwaway and fake names warning. posting as a group.
background info: our friend group is made up of 6 people, me(m33), a(m34), j(m35), k(m33), e(m34) and v(m35). now we met each other during a work event and connected instantly and each of us has a so. now with v, he has been with his gf for 3 years, and we have been friends since uni and ever since then, we have a "guys-night" once every 3 months so that 4 times a year and every time we get together v keeps bringing his gf and it just became awkward, she would follow him everywhere, she even tried to follow him into the men's toilet. we are unable to go to restaurants because she keeps causing drama. an example of this is when v left his phone on a table at a restaurant, the waiter tapped v on the shoulder and returned the phone, v thanked her, his gf poured water on a waiter and accused her of hitting on v. the manager banned her. that is just one of the times she acted out. me, m, a, j and k had enough, we held an intervention, asked him why he keeps bring her and that we had enough. he wasn't able to give us a proper answer, said that she keeps inviting herself to these events. soon she was invited into our group chats and our annual camping trip.
now because melbourne is in lockdown, we had a few online movie sessions, and she would show up and complain about the choice of movie. now we had enough, every time she shows up, there is an issue, the choice of movie or the type of food served, the weather. now me, m, a, j and k told v to grow a pair and tell her enough is enough, he refused to do so, said this is him proving his love for her. so me, m, a, j and k decided that until he had a proper sit-down and talk things through with her, we would not invite him to any of our events, he and his gf called us assholes, while our so also agree with them.
| 19,276 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifnhfg/aita_friend_keeps_bringing_his_gf_every_time_we/
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2020-08-24 11:50:49
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nta.
i mean you guys are entitled to a guys night without being pestered by this gf.
if the dude won't stop bringing her, because she is a super jealous type, and/or controling, you are well within your rights to say "you're out until you figure this out".
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it sounds like he is in an abusive relationship tbh.
he may really want time with you guys but it doesn't seem like it is his choice.
your best bet is to be there for him whilst also (very slowly!!!!) dripping information in about abusive relationships and giving him an open platform to speak to you about it when he can.
most likely he has no control over his own contact or who he sees and where and when - this is most likely much worse due to lockdown now.
try your hardest to get a one on one meeting with him (say you need to discuss something really personal and only want to speak with him) and hopefully she will leave you guys meet alone for a brief time and during that just let him know you're concerned for him. do not get angry or accusatory because, depending on how far gone he is with the abuse and control from her, he might become very defensive and end up being banned from seeing you.
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nta.
ask your wife how she'd feel if you started inviting yourself to every single one of her friends get togethers.
that you'll complain about where they go to eat, where they go to for entertainment, which spa they'll go to.
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nta. she sounds controlling and manipulative, and you’re correct not to want to be around her. if v can’t have one night every few months without her then he’s enabling her behaviour.
if you’re as close as you say you are, you should have a chat with him about the way she behaves. it doesn’t sound healthy in the slightest and the fact he feels he has to ‘prove’ his love for her is worrying too. even if you stop inviting him, please still reach out- he sounds like he could be being emotionally abused by her.
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y t a for using initials instead of making up names. my eyes were crossing at the alphabet soup. it's so much harder to read a post when letters are used to represent people!
but, of course, nta for the situation. this person who assaults waitstaff and gets you kicked out of restaurants sounds like a ridiculous nightmare.
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nta, but please keep the communication lines open with this friend. it sounds like he could be the victim of domestic abuse, and her behavior (he can't go to the bathroom on his own?!) might be aimed at isolating him from his friends.
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info: why do your so's agree you guys are in the wrong?
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nta she sounds annoying as fuck
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nta.
your friend is being abused, plain and simple. if his gf is doing all the nasty things in public, imagine what she is doing to him in private.
don't invite him to your "guys-nights" but keep communicating with him. have as many "are you ok, dude?" (without her presence) conversations as needed.
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nta. the gf is acting unpleasant and causes drama for no reason. his friend "proving his love to her" by letting her be a hazard, is an enabler. and the fact she has the audacity to complain although contributing nothing. this is a one way ticket for you friend to lose all his friends, if he keeps enabling his girlfriend to act blatantly rude.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.074074 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first-time poster, throwaway and fake names warning. posting as a group. background info: our friend group is made up of 6 people, me(m33), a(m34), j(m35), k(m33), e(m34) and v(m35). now we met each other during a work event and connected instantly and each of us has a so. now with v, he has been with his gf for 3 years, and we have been friends since uni and ever since then, we have a "guys-night" once every 3 months so that 4 times a year and every time we get together v keeps bringing his gf and it just became awkward, she would follow him everywhere, she even tried to follow him into the men's toilet. we are unable to go to restaurants because she keeps causing drama. an example of this is when v left his phone on a table at a restaurant, the waiter tapped v on the shoulder and returned the phone, v thanked her, his gf poured water on a waiter and accused her of hitting on v. the manager banned her. that is just one of the times she acted out. me, m, a, j and k had enough, we held an intervention, asked him why he keeps bring her and that we had enough. he wasn't able to give us a proper answer, said that she keeps inviting herself to these events. soon she was invited into our group chats and our annual camping trip. now because melbourne is in lockdown, we had a few online movie sessions, and she would show up and complain about the choice of movie. now we had enough, every time she shows up, there is an issue, the choice of movie or the type of food served, the weather. now me, m, a, j and k told v to grow a pair and tell her enough is enough, he refused to do so, said this is him proving his love for her. so me, m, a, j and k decided that until he had a proper sit-down and talk things through with her, we would not invite him to any of our events, he and his gf called us assholes, while our so also agree with them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first-time poster, throwaway and fake names warning. posting as a group. background info: our friend group is made up of 6 people, me(m33), a(m34), j(m35), k(m33), e(m34) and v(m35). now we met each other during a work event and connected instantly and each of us has a so. now with v, he has been with his gf for 3 years, and we have been friends since uni and ever since then, we have a "guys-night" once every 3 months so that 4 times a year and every time we get together v keeps bringing his gf and it just became awkward, she would follow him everywhere, she even tried to follow him into the men's toilet. we are unable to go to restaurants because she keeps causing drama. an example of this is when v left his phone on a table at a restaurant, the waiter tapped v on the shoulder and returned the phone, v thanked her, his gf poured water on a waiter and accused her of hitting on v. the manager banned her. that is just one of the times she acted out. me, m, a, j and k had enough, we held an intervention, asked him why he keeps bring her and that we had enough. he wasn't able to give us a proper answer, said that she keeps inviting herself to these events. soon she was invited into our group chats and our annual camping trip. now because melbourne is in lockdown, we had a few online movie sessions, and she would show up and complain about the choice of movie. now we had enough, every time she shows up, there is an issue, the choice of movie or the type of food served, the weather. now me, m, a, j and k told v to grow a pair and tell her enough is enough, he refused to do so, said this is him proving his love for her. so me, m, a, j and k decided that until he had a proper sit-down and talk things through with her, we would not invite him to any of our events, he and his gf called us assholes, while our so also agree with them. [/INST] nta. i mean you guys are entitled to a guys night without being pestered by this gf. if the dude won't stop bringing her, because she is a super jealous type, and/or controling, you are well within your rights to say "you're out until you figure this out". </s>
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AITA for not letting my friend wear my engagement ring?
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okay, a little bit of backstory here.
my fiance and i have been engaged for about 3 weeks. he got me the most beautiful ring that is exactly what i have always wanted, and it fits me perfectly. the only time i take my ring off is to apply lotion to my hands (i work in the medical field, which means lots of handwashing, sanitizing, and cleaning, so my hands get super dry), and when i do that, i keep it directly in front of me on my desk and within sight at all times. i have never had any sort of issue until a couple days ago.
i have a coworker with whom i am friendly. let's call her t. we used to be very close until i figured out that she and i lead very different lives, and i don't necessarily jive with her morals. whatever, live and let live, i let a little bit of distance form between us. but we are still friendly and still talk at the office, so naturally i told her that i was engaged and she asked to see my ring. she oohed and ahhed at it like most other people in the office, and i didn't think much about it. but a couple of days ago, she approached my desk while i was putting lotion on my hands, with my ring laying directly in front of me as usual. without asking, she reached down and picked up my ring and slipped it onto her own finger instead, holding it up and admiring it, etc.
i was flabbergasted. i didn't even know what to say, and i was so shocked that i just sat there in uncomfortable silence until she made a comment about how it looked so good on her and i commented "don't go getting any ideas!", trying to be lighthearted but also wanting my ring back. she eventually took it off and handed it back to me and left. i was super uncomfortable with the whole thing, but i put it off thinking i was being too sensitive.
today, i was walking past her desk and she asked to see my ring. i held out my hand for her to look at it, and she began to remove the ring from my finger, so i pulled my hand back. she got pouty and asked why she couldn't take it off and see it, since i had let her before. i told her i had not let her do that before, she had grabbed it without permission and put it on without even asking if i minded. she rolled her eyes at me and said i was being ridiculous. i feel like i am justified to be protective of a ring that represents my fiance's love for me.
aita?
| 17,888 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m381w8/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_wear_my_engagement/
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2021-03-12 03:02:41
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nta - i also realize you have to still work with this rude, entitled lady so tell her it’s bad luck to try on someone else engagement or wedding ring.
someone tried to do this to me and i told her the same. (we really do believe this!)
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nta. it feels like she’s going to take it. would you be up for wearing it on a necklace at work? that’s what i did when i worked in a hospital lab because of all the hand washing and on and off with gloves. my ring would sometimes snag gloves and rip them.
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nta.. if she wants to try on engagement rings then she can go to a jewelry store. why anyone would think it’s ok to just grab someone else’s ring and put on is beyond me.
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nta, your "friend" may steal your ring. keep your eyes open.
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nope, nope, nope. nta!!!!?
first, you don't ask to try on someone else's engagement ring.
second, you ***absolutely*** do not try on someone else's engagement ring without asking.
third, who tf tries to ***remove someone else's engagement ring from their finger***?!!!!
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nta, but please reconsider wearing your ring at work. yes, you may sanitize constantly, but that doesn't mean fun things like mrsa, c-diff, etc. couldnt catch a ride in its nooks and crannies.
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info
>she and i lead very different lives, and i don't necessarily jive with her morals
is this an actual moral difference? or is this code for like--oh i don't know--learning she is gay? just curious, i live in the south and have seen "morals" used this way too many times to count
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nta. there are so many red flags here..
i would probably stop taking my ring off around her if i were you. she’s just so confident in taking it and putting it on without permission. that’s concerning..
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esh. she should never have put it on without asking and you are being far too emotional over a small issue. what matters is your love with your fiancé.
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ngl i’m so curious about why you starting distancing in the first place... she sounds like a piece of work and i wanna know the deets
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, a little bit of backstory here. my fiance and i have been engaged for about 3 weeks. he got me the most beautiful ring that is exactly what i have always wanted, and it fits me perfectly. the only time i take my ring off is to apply lotion to my hands (i work in the medical field, which means lots of handwashing, sanitizing, and cleaning, so my hands get super dry), and when i do that, i keep it directly in front of me on my desk and within sight at all times. i have never had any sort of issue until a couple days ago. i have a coworker with whom i am friendly. let's call her t. we used to be very close until i figured out that she and i lead very different lives, and i don't necessarily jive with her morals. whatever, live and let live, i let a little bit of distance form between us. but we are still friendly and still talk at the office, so naturally i told her that i was engaged and she asked to see my ring. she oohed and ahhed at it like most other people in the office, and i didn't think much about it. but a couple of days ago, she approached my desk while i was putting lotion on my hands, with my ring laying directly in front of me as usual. without asking, she reached down and picked up my ring and slipped it onto her own finger instead, holding it up and admiring it, etc. i was flabbergasted. i didn't even know what to say, and i was so shocked that i just sat there in uncomfortable silence until she made a comment about how it looked so good on her and i commented "don't go getting any ideas!", trying to be lighthearted but also wanting my ring back. she eventually took it off and handed it back to me and left. i was super uncomfortable with the whole thing, but i put it off thinking i was being too sensitive. today, i was walking past her desk and she asked to see my ring. i held out my hand for her to look at it, and she began to remove the ring from my finger, so i pulled my hand back. she got pouty and asked why she couldn't take it off and see it, since i had let her before. i told her i had not let her do that before, she had grabbed it without permission and put it on without even asking if i minded. she rolled her eyes at me and said i was being ridiculous. i feel like i am justified to be protective of a ring that represents my fiance's love for me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, a little bit of backstory here. my fiance and i have been engaged for about 3 weeks. he got me the most beautiful ring that is exactly what i have always wanted, and it fits me perfectly. the only time i take my ring off is to apply lotion to my hands (i work in the medical field, which means lots of handwashing, sanitizing, and cleaning, so my hands get super dry), and when i do that, i keep it directly in front of me on my desk and within sight at all times. i have never had any sort of issue until a couple days ago. i have a coworker with whom i am friendly. let's call her t. we used to be very close until i figured out that she and i lead very different lives, and i don't necessarily jive with her morals. whatever, live and let live, i let a little bit of distance form between us. but we are still friendly and still talk at the office, so naturally i told her that i was engaged and she asked to see my ring. she oohed and ahhed at it like most other people in the office, and i didn't think much about it. but a couple of days ago, she approached my desk while i was putting lotion on my hands, with my ring laying directly in front of me as usual. without asking, she reached down and picked up my ring and slipped it onto her own finger instead, holding it up and admiring it, etc. i was flabbergasted. i didn't even know what to say, and i was so shocked that i just sat there in uncomfortable silence until she made a comment about how it looked so good on her and i commented "don't go getting any ideas!", trying to be lighthearted but also wanting my ring back. she eventually took it off and handed it back to me and left. i was super uncomfortable with the whole thing, but i put it off thinking i was being too sensitive. today, i was walking past her desk and she asked to see my ring. i held out my hand for her to look at it, and she began to remove the ring from my finger, so i pulled my hand back. she got pouty and asked why she couldn't take it off and see it, since i had let her before. i told her i had not let her do that before, she had grabbed it without permission and put it on without even asking if i minded. she rolled her eyes at me and said i was being ridiculous. i feel like i am justified to be protective of a ring that represents my fiance's love for me. aita? [/INST] nta - i also realize you have to still work with this rude, entitled lady so tell her it’s bad luck to try on someone else engagement or wedding ring. someone tried to do this to me and i told her the same. (we really do believe this!) </s>
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AITA for leaving a family gathering because my family made me sit at the kid table?
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for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa.
i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now.
i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
| 24,954 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2n3hq/aita_for_leaving_a_family_gathering_because_my/
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2021-08-11 21:54:22
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nta - i love you took your quiche with you too.
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nta.
>don't act dumb and then get mad when people find out.
ew though, your aunt is totally an asshole. they probably want you at the kids table to play babysitter. i would have left too tbh.
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nta, and your aunt owes you an apology. she seems to think that people aren't adults until they . . . what? get married and have kids? as an unmarried, childless person in my late 40s i find that exceptionally and genuinely amusing, and even sort of appreciate that she apparently thinks i'm a kid, but also, she's objectively completely wrong. you are an adult not only legally, but by any reasonable standard (except maybe that your prefrontal cortex still has a little growing to do, but that's whether you're married and have kids or not, so still defeats her argument).
you are nta, but your aunt is petty and your uncle and grandparents aren't any better. i'm sure they would have been furious if someone had treated them that way at 22.
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nta
they wanted you to play babysitter
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nta.
you were just saving the seat at the kids table for your aunt since that where she seems to belong.
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nta
>she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table.
i can't have children so would i never be regarded as an adult? i'm old enough to both drive a car and then get arrested for it because i can't drive.
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nta -- children cannot go to the store and cook a quiche.
sounds like your aunt doesn't have much to contribute to the adult conversation either.
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nta. aunt is an asshole for drawing that kind of line for no purpose. i would have no issue sitting at kid's table (29m with no children) because i love my nieces and nephew and don't see them enough but you're absolutely in the right to be offended by your aunt remark. forcing that line is just plain asshole behavior.
anyone pushing arbitrary rule is in my book an asshole. let people live and stop trying to control people's life.
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22 is not a child and saying someone that age has nothing to contribute to a conversation is just rude. nta and good for you for standing up for yourself. what are they talking about that's so important that you wont be able to chime in?
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nta, though i'm not sure why you'd even want to sit at a table with a bunch of assholes who think you have nothing to contribute to a conversation unless you have kids.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context: i haven't seen my full family together in quite some time, so they set up a get together at a park today. the family gathering includes me (22m), my brother (21), my sister (25), her husband (29) and their two kids, my dad, step-mom and her kids (6 and 9) aunt, uncle, my two cousins (15 and 20), grandma, and grandpa. i get there with some picnic items (i brought a quiche and the cups) and see a few members setting up. i say hi and help set up the tables and set the food out. we talk and play games while the others show up. when everyone gets there, we sit down to eat. i sit next to my dad and get a weird look from my aunt as she says to me, "this is the adult's table." to which i reply, "i am an adult(?)." she tells me that the 1st and 2nd generations are considered adult and the 3rd and 4th generations should sit at the kid's table since we "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations." i tell her that i can drink, that i drove here, that i pay rent and have a job, so how am i still considered a child? she says that until i have kids of my own i'll have to sit at the kid's table. according to my aunt, there are 8 children (ages 6-22) and 8 adults (ages 25-75) so i should just sit at the kid's table since it'll be even, but there is plenty of space at the adult table and i don't want to be stuck with 5 literal children. she still disagrees and at this point my uncle and grandparents back her up, so i say fuck it, take my quiche back, tell them to have a nice day, and drive away. i get a few texts telling me to come back by my dad and grandparents. i ask if aunt is going to apologize and they ask "for what?" that was enough for me to disregard their other messages and calls until i got home, where i am now. i feel shitty that i may have possibly ruined a nice family gathering, but feel my family doesn't respect me at all, enough to say that i am still a child and apparently have the same mentality as 6 year olds. aita? [/INST] nta - i love you took your quiche with you too. </s>
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AITA for bluntly telling a woman it’s dangerous to put essential oils in sensitive areas?
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my uncle’s new girlfriend came to family dinner the other night and it was the first time anyone in my family met her. she is super into essential oils which is very eyeroll inducing for me but i didn’t say anything about it or show that i found it annoying at first. i bit my tongue while she went on about putting them in her water (you should not be ingesting essential oils) and rubbing them on pressure points and trying to convince my mom to buy some.
but then she brought up that they can be super good for yeast infections!!? i looked at her super horrified and asked “you mean you’re putting them *down there*??” and she said yes you just insert a few drops and it clears up right away! i told her this was very dangerous and could cause chemical burns as well as throwing off your vaginal ph and potentially causing other infections. she said “oh no you don’t have to worry about that they’re all natural!!” to which i replied “so is poison ivy but i wouldn’t suggest shoving it up your vagina.” she just looked kind of shocked. my sister laughed and my aunt said “well she has a point,” but other family members said that it was rude and crass. which i didn’t think so because she’s the one who started talking about yeast infections at a family dinner certainly saying the word vagina is less crass than that.
| 22,515 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/se8zwq/aita_for_bluntly_telling_a_woman_its_dangerous_to/
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2022-01-27 21:20:12
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nta. calling out a snake oil salesman for being a snake oil salesman is never an ah move. even if the person selling snake oil believes it's a good idea. better warn your uncle's new gf that the earth may not actually be flat whilst you're at it. the more you know. ;-)
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*“so is poison ivy but i wouldn’t suggest shoving it up your vagina.”*
pure gold right here. nta.
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nta fuck mlms and their lies
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nta, you’re awesome & i love how you handled this. that mlm essential oil crap is an instant indicator that you’re dealing with someone who needs things explained bluntly. sometimes with puppets for additional clarity.
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nta
gynecologists keep saying not to put things that don't belong in your hoohaa in your hoohaa. anf there are people like her that put essential oils in there... god have mercy...
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nta- you got me at: “*so is poison ivy but i wouldn’t suggest shoving it up your vagina.*”- i just hate when people suggest "treatments" for whatever and think that they will cause no harm because "it's all natural". what you said needed to be said. maybe now, that woman, will keep her "advices" to herself.
i have nothing against natural treatments, when they go alongside with what modern society considers "cientificaly proven treatments"- but people who actually know about natural tratments don't go around giving: 1) unsolicited advice; 2) advices that could be harmful.
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nta- vagina is a medical term. she's not an ah either, just stupid.
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strong nta - while essential oils are certainly ‘natural’, their manufacturing process is highly industrialised (and the complete opposite of natural) which is the only way they can get the oil in such high concentrations. you certainly don’t get that level of concentration naturally.
seriously, just because it’s natural doesn’t make it good - arsenic, asbestos, and box jellyfish are all also natural, and nobody is claiming that this makes them good for you!
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crass does not an asshole make - nta.
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nta. send her the mamadoctorjones video on essential oils on your vagina. also, is she selling for a company that starts with a d or one that has the initials yl? because yea, they're pushing some very pseudo-science.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my uncle’s new girlfriend came to family dinner the other night and it was the first time anyone in my family met her. she is super into essential oils which is very eyeroll inducing for me but i didn’t say anything about it or show that i found it annoying at first. i bit my tongue while she went on about putting them in her water (you should not be ingesting essential oils) and rubbing them on pressure points and trying to convince my mom to buy some. but then she brought up that they can be super good for yeast infections!!? i looked at her super horrified and asked “you mean you’re putting them *down there*??” and she said yes you just insert a few drops and it clears up right away! i told her this was very dangerous and could cause chemical burns as well as throwing off your vaginal ph and potentially causing other infections. she said “oh no you don’t have to worry about that they’re all natural!!” to which i replied “so is poison ivy but i wouldn’t suggest shoving it up your vagina.” she just looked kind of shocked. my sister laughed and my aunt said “well she has a point,” but other family members said that it was rude and crass. which i didn’t think so because she’s the one who started talking about yeast infections at a family dinner certainly saying the word vagina is less crass than that.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my uncle’s new girlfriend came to family dinner the other night and it was the first time anyone in my family met her. she is super into essential oils which is very eyeroll inducing for me but i didn’t say anything about it or show that i found it annoying at first. i bit my tongue while she went on about putting them in her water (you should not be ingesting essential oils) and rubbing them on pressure points and trying to convince my mom to buy some. but then she brought up that they can be super good for yeast infections!!? i looked at her super horrified and asked “you mean you’re putting them *down there*??” and she said yes you just insert a few drops and it clears up right away! i told her this was very dangerous and could cause chemical burns as well as throwing off your vaginal ph and potentially causing other infections. she said “oh no you don’t have to worry about that they’re all natural!!” to which i replied “so is poison ivy but i wouldn’t suggest shoving it up your vagina.” she just looked kind of shocked. my sister laughed and my aunt said “well she has a point,” but other family members said that it was rude and crass. which i didn’t think so because she’s the one who started talking about yeast infections at a family dinner certainly saying the word vagina is less crass than that. [/INST] nta. calling out a snake oil salesman for being a snake oil salesman is never an ah move. even if the person selling snake oil believes it's a good idea. better warn your uncle's new gf that the earth may not actually be flat whilst you're at it. the more you know. ;-) </s>
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AITA for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family's cabin?
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my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer.
the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita?
&#x200b;
| 8,689 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w12fs9/aita_for_expecting_my_girlfriend_to_pay_for_her/
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2022-07-17 08:13:27
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yta. she's perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken down cabin. it's not her family's property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up.
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yta, she's your guest, not a family member who agreed to pay into the communal fund.
paying $200-400 to stay in a shitty cabin for a weekend with a bunch of strangers is an absurd ask.
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yta - why on earth are you pinging gf for the annual fee when obviously at this stage she would be a guest of the family only staying for a big family weekend??
&#x200b;
sure down the track if you both expect to use as intended going forward then yep annual fee. omg wtf
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yta, you are not renting the cabin out, you are contributing to your family's accomodations. she, on the other hand is a guest, not family yet (and with all this may not even be your girlfriend for too long), so it isn't fair to ask her to contribute to smth that is your family's gain, not hers. you either had to exclude her out of the payment plan for this year at least or untill you go fiancee or wife level so she'll be contributing to her future family accomodations, or pay for her from your own pocket if your family insists on paying her share. inviting her over and then asking to pay for smth your family will keep in the end is not okay.
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yta. you invited her -- as your *guest* -- and then only brought up the cost of an annual fee (for somebody who has no way of knowing whether or not they're ever going to be invited back again, or would want to go if they were) after she'd said yes. what she thought she was saying yes to was an*offer of hospitality*. nobody is asked to pay for those. if there are associated costs, the host who invited you pays your way.
what you should have done was to arrange for a plan up front with the rest of your family that included a guest policy.
example: everyone in the family shall be, as part of their own yearly dues, permitted to invite one guest per year without cost (or more than one, as the family consensus agrees). that guest is responsible for nothing except participating in basic chores on an equal basis with other visitors to the cabin at the time.
if anyone new wishes to become a member, at the invitation of an existing member, that person must first be a guest. during their stay as a guest, the whole agreement among members and all policies surrounding the use of the cabin will be explained. if the potential new member has no objections to any of these, and the current membership approves their admittance, they'll be a member after their initial visit is over.
that way, each new prospect gets hospitality once, first, in order to see what it's like there and meet the other people who go there. they can find out what they think of the whole thing before committing their money. they also know about the money long before they are expected to say either yes or no about it, so they can decide based on real information about the place, and without a time crunch or pressure from their partner who wants them to be able to go in order to meet the family.
or you can set any of a range of other ways to handle the option for members to invite guests. but you can't reasonably blame your gf for being annoyed that she was told she was being invited as a guest, and only found out afterwards that she was expected to pay several times the cost of a hotel, just for the privilege.
[edit] oh yes, and one thing i missed: you need to set a *fixed* annual fee. make it a little more than is typically necessary to cover the annual maintenance costs, and then put the extra in a bank account for the purpose of covering the occasional extras like replacing the roof when it gets soggy. that way you don't have to accept that the annual amount bounces around radically from year to year, with no way for members to know what to expect next year. when you need to raise the annual cost due to inflation, you either have a reliable, set percentage by which it goes up every year, so members can count on that; or else make decisions about increases by a meeting of members, who decide collectively what it will go up to, but have the new price take effect at least one more full yearly cycle in the future. for example: it's currently july 2022, the next dues are expected on january 1, 2023, and the new price that was agreed on in today's meeting will take effect when the next dues are expected on january 1, 2024. that way everyone has at least a year to decide whether or not they still want to participate, and can drop out without being hurried on whether they want to stay at the cost now required.
if you manage the money properly, you won't ever have to gather up more money suddenly because of a roof problem or similar emergency. you'll have the money to repair those when they come up except for the totally unexpected events, and those will likely be covered by insurance (you do have property insurance on this place, don't you?)
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you invited her as your guest. you told her about this (ridiculous high) fee later, so yeah yta.
and $200-400 for a stay there is ridiculous, sorry. i'd make other plans too if i were her. and if you would tell me this, i'd think you're joking lol
pay this stupid fee for her or if the rule is only for family members, let her come as your guest for free. i mean it's your family cabin.
maybe you guys should repair the roof and everything else at once, and divide the costs through your family members and that's it. this way the cabin will last longer than let it mold for a year or longer.. and you've to pay this much for staying in a molding cabin?.. wow
and this only for a weekend??? you get nice places to stay where i live for this price for a week or longer lol
why not let her pay one month of the yearly fee? so 200-400 / 12? she's only there one time a year? or break it down through the weeks of a year...
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yta.
the family members who plan to vacation throughout the summer pay a fee to cover ongoing maintenance for the family cabin.
a single visit guest of a family member should not be charged the fee.
do you charge both parts of married couples the fee? if so, then if you and she marry, and she enters the family, the two of you would pay a double fee.
charging your girlfriend when she is coming to meet the family for the first time is outrageous.
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"as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with" don't hold your breath.
yta. she's your guest, not your tenant.
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yta - if she's paying the "annual membership fee" and not just coming on a "guest pass" then she should be guaranteed access for the year.
oh, she has no reasonable expectation to ever be invited back to the cabin? then stfu with "annual fees". that's a fee levied against people who use it regularly and who have a vested interest (emotional, financial, whatever) in the owners not selling.
she has no stake in the cabin. she has no expectation that she'll ever use it again. she has literally no reason to invest in your grandparent's not selling.
i'm also 90% sure if she's going to spend $200-400 she would prefer a place that isn't "dated," or undergoing renovations, that she won't have to share with a bunch of relative strangers, and that isn't going to have a roof leak if there's a surprise summer storm.
you (or your family, idk who is pushing for this) are incredibly entitled if you think she wants to spend that much to stay at a run down cabin whose only redeeming quality is that it holds a lot of sentimental memories for you.
it sounds like you (or the grandparents?) are trying to make a dime off of your girlfriend to subsidize future vacations.
you want your gf to meet your family? host a dinner. maybe multiple if not everyone can make it. or just introduce her to your parents and then bring her with you to future free family events, like normal people.
asking her to contribute towards your family vacation home is bs and you know it.
edit to add: you're expecting her to pay up to $400 for the privilege of meeting your family. you realize that's dumb right?
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you make your guests pay tobuse the cabin? yta of course. if she pays the annual fee does that me she can use the cabin herself alone?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing. we also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. these costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. this has caused them to implement a fee system. the rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. the size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year. i've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. i decided to invite my girlfriend along as i want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone i'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. she was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. naturally, i sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. this year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. the idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. the rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, i don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. my brother told me i should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but i really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. she's perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken down cabin. it's not her family's property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she may no longer see my children anymore after she baptised by daughter without telling me?
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little backstory- i grew up in a very religious home. we went to church (non-denominational) 2-3 times per week. i always questioned what i was being taught and when i was in 6th grade & going to a christian school, i realized i was agnostic. i live in the bible belt, so it's difficult having my beliefs (or lack there of).
despite my family all being religious, they have all respected my beliefs. not just mine, but my daughters' (ages 8 and 9) dad, who is an atheist, as well. everyone except my mother. a couple years ago we told her she could no longer take the girls to church. we felt they were being indoctrinated & both were starting to deny science. she argued with us but realized how serious we were. she knew if she took them to church after a sleepover, she would be risking being able to see them & be in their life. little did i know, she had been having "bible study" with the girls on nights they would spend the night with her. maybe every 3 weeks or so, the girls would have a sleepover with her.
the girls had a sleepover with her this past saturday. she brought them home to me sunday afternoon. my fiance and i were asking them if they had fun, what did they do, etc. my 8 year old then said "i got baptised!" excuse me, what? i remained calm because i didn't want her to think she was in trouble or did something wrong. i asked her whose idea that was. she said mine. ok.. so i ask a few more questions and realize she had the idea because she was told if she were to die, she'd go to hell. she was terrified! so, my mom baptised my baby. my daughter said my mom asked the questions and everything before the "baptism"... like "do you accept jesus into your heart?"
i was truly blown away by what she had done. it was such a breach of mine & their dad's trust and she had crossed a huge line. i sent a group text to my mom & the girls' dad with the following:
"i don't know why i'm shocked, (redacted), but i'm actually blown away by your enormous breach in trust. you crossed a huge line. you know how ken and i feel about religion. and for poor emmy to have the belief she will die and go to hell if she doesn't get baptised?? putting that thought in her head is child abuse, no other way to look at that. my heart is broken for the girls bc i know how difficult and confusing it's going to be for them to not see you anymore, but i absolutely cannot trust you with them anymore."
my ex followed up with this:
"(my name) is speaking for both of us on this. i am heartbroken that you have forced us into having to do this"
so, am i overreacting? is this going to be more harmful to my children who have a relationship with her? am i the asshole?
| 18,594 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ixg3e6/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_may_no_longer_see_my/
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2020-09-22 03:51:15
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nta.
she breached your trust and knew exactly what would happen if she did it again. she’s only getting the exact consequence that she was warned of. telling a child if they aren’t baptized they’ll go to hell is just cruel. religion should not be dependent on the fear of what will happen if people don’t follow.
i would talk to your girls about religion. maybe have a “culture night” at the house once a week where you learn about new religions and explore what they believe? that way you can educate your daughter that not everyone believes the same thing and that religion is meant to cast fear into the believers.
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nta teach them about other religions. that's what turned me into an atheist.
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nta. that’s a pretty vital boundary. if she won’t respect your wishes on that, what else will she take it upon herself to decide irt your kids?
she blew it, big.
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i think you know you’re nta. but it’s good to get some validation here. your anger is 100% valid. i would be livid. that’s unforgivable. good luck to you and your children.
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nta. 100% she crossed line and knew what she was doing and risking. i'm so sorry this happened to you and your family.
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info: did your mom “baptize” them or did she take them to a church? i just ask because you can explain it to your daughters in different ways depending. i am a pastor and i am horrified if this happened in a church. it is a huge breach of trust and just totally out of bounds. i would never in a million years baptize a child without explicit parental approval- both parents. i would be happy to talk in dm’s if you want some ideas on talking to your daughters to help deprogrammed the terrible and untrue theology your mom was spouting. eta nta
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nta my wife is worried about this from my mom which is why we won't trust her to baby sit our 15mo old. i don't know if she's that religion crazy but luckily she has other qualities that make me want to save our kids from her company.
what your mom did was fucked up
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nta, and i would be talking with her priest as well. there are a lot of churches that won't do baptisms without parents for this reason, and many that look down on anyone other than a priest doing it.
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nta - that is a huge betrayal of your trust and i'm sorry this happened. she's now badly sabotaged her relationship with you and your kids whom she probably loves. maybe frame it for your kids that trust is a hard thing to repair and that their grandmother made a decision that made it hard for you to trust her. i think kids their age have a good concept of hiding things/lying being a breach of trust if you lay it out for them in that way. i don't know whether your plan is for no contact ever again, but i think at this point you can lay out that you have lost trust and that will be hard to rebuild and will take a long time.
what a terrible decision. in her desire to "save" your children, she's broken a commandment and sent the message that it's fine to lie to get what you want. in theory that should be the last lesson her faith should impart.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: little backstory- i grew up in a very religious home. we went to church (non-denominational) 2-3 times per week. i always questioned what i was being taught and when i was in 6th grade & going to a christian school, i realized i was agnostic. i live in the bible belt, so it's difficult having my beliefs (or lack there of). despite my family all being religious, they have all respected my beliefs. not just mine, but my daughters' (ages 8 and 9) dad, who is an atheist, as well. everyone except my mother. a couple years ago we told her she could no longer take the girls to church. we felt they were being indoctrinated & both were starting to deny science. she argued with us but realized how serious we were. she knew if she took them to church after a sleepover, she would be risking being able to see them & be in their life. little did i know, she had been having "bible study" with the girls on nights they would spend the night with her. maybe every 3 weeks or so, the girls would have a sleepover with her. the girls had a sleepover with her this past saturday. she brought them home to me sunday afternoon. my fiance and i were asking them if they had fun, what did they do, etc. my 8 year old then said "i got baptised!" excuse me, what? i remained calm because i didn't want her to think she was in trouble or did something wrong. i asked her whose idea that was. she said mine. ok.. so i ask a few more questions and realize she had the idea because she was told if she were to die, she'd go to hell. she was terrified! so, my mom baptised my baby. my daughter said my mom asked the questions and everything before the "baptism"... like "do you accept jesus into your heart?" i was truly blown away by what she had done. it was such a breach of mine & their dad's trust and she had crossed a huge line. i sent a group text to my mom & the girls' dad with the following: "i don't know why i'm shocked, (redacted), but i'm actually blown away by your enormous breach in trust. you crossed a huge line. you know how ken and i feel about religion. and for poor emmy to have the belief she will die and go to hell if she doesn't get baptised?? putting that thought in her head is child abuse, no other way to look at that. my heart is broken for the girls bc i know how difficult and confusing it's going to be for them to not see you anymore, but i absolutely cannot trust you with them anymore." my ex followed up with this: "(my name) is speaking for both of us on this. i am heartbroken that you have forced us into having to do this" so, am i overreacting? is this going to be more harmful to my children who have a relationship with her? am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
little backstory- i grew up in a very religious home. we went to church (non-denominational) 2-3 times per week. i always questioned what i was being taught and when i was in 6th grade & going to a christian school, i realized i was agnostic. i live in the bible belt, so it's difficult having my beliefs (or lack there of). despite my family all being religious, they have all respected my beliefs. not just mine, but my daughters' (ages 8 and 9) dad, who is an atheist, as well. everyone except my mother. a couple years ago we told her she could no longer take the girls to church. we felt they were being indoctrinated & both were starting to deny science. she argued with us but realized how serious we were. she knew if she took them to church after a sleepover, she would be risking being able to see them & be in their life. little did i know, she had been having "bible study" with the girls on nights they would spend the night with her. maybe every 3 weeks or so, the girls would have a sleepover with her. the girls had a sleepover with her this past saturday. she brought them home to me sunday afternoon. my fiance and i were asking them if they had fun, what did they do, etc. my 8 year old then said "i got baptised!" excuse me, what? i remained calm because i didn't want her to think she was in trouble or did something wrong. i asked her whose idea that was. she said mine. ok.. so i ask a few more questions and realize she had the idea because she was told if she were to die, she'd go to hell. she was terrified! so, my mom baptised my baby. my daughter said my mom asked the questions and everything before the "baptism"... like "do you accept jesus into your heart?" i was truly blown away by what she had done. it was such a breach of mine & their dad's trust and she had crossed a huge line. i sent a group text to my mom & the girls' dad with the following: "i don't know why i'm shocked, (redacted), but i'm actually blown away by your enormous breach in trust. you crossed a huge line. you know how ken and i feel about religion. and for poor emmy to have the belief she will die and go to hell if she doesn't get baptised?? putting that thought in her head is child abuse, no other way to look at that. my heart is broken for the girls bc i know how difficult and confusing it's going to be for them to not see you anymore, but i absolutely cannot trust you with them anymore." my ex followed up with this: "(my name) is speaking for both of us on this. i am heartbroken that you have forced us into having to do this" so, am i overreacting? is this going to be more harmful to my children who have a relationship with her? am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. she breached your trust and knew exactly what would happen if she did it again. she’s only getting the exact consequence that she was warned of. telling a child if they aren’t baptized they’ll go to hell is just cruel. religion should not be dependent on the fear of what will happen if people don’t follow. i would talk to your girls about religion. maybe have a “culture night” at the house once a week where you learn about new religions and explore what they believe? that way you can educate your daughter that not everyone believes the same thing and that religion is meant to cast fear into the believers. </s>
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AITA for possibly costing my son his best friend
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2nd
| 19,083 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jcapg8/aita_for_possibly_costing_my_son_his_best_friend/
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2020-10-16 14:23:06
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nta. real best friends don't beg their friends to get something for them.
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nta, you are protecting your son from being bullied and financially abused. your son is not mature enough to understand the situation and you have to do what is best for his interest. he will come to understand your reasons.
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nta
now you need to sit down with your son explaining why what was being done was so wrong. you don't for the most part "buy" friendships. that's what he was doing.
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nta. billy is a awful bully that uses friendship as a weapon. you did the right thing telling his mom. i hope you also sit down with your son and talk to him about everything that happened; when i was little i didn't realize i was being bullied until someone pointed it out.
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[removed]
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nta that kid wasn’t his friend to begin with your son is just a genuine soul who obviously cares very deeply for those he thinks are
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nta.
friendships are on equal ground, not subordinate to one.
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nta
your son needs to get rid of that “friend”. no friend would bully and scam others out of hundreds of dollars. this kid shouldn’t even have fortnite if he doesn’t want to buy or earn the items himself.
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[removed]
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nta this boy was not your kid's best friend. this is a teaching moment for your son. you don't pay for friends to hang out with you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 2nd
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
2nd [/INST] nta. real best friends don't beg their friends to get something for them. </s>
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AITA for having a dress code for our wedding?
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hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off.
the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that.
one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously.
we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction.
this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions.
unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd.
in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment.
since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend.
aita for having a dress code at our wedding?
| 10,670 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i29x5e/aita_for_having_a_dress_code_for_our_wedding/
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2020-08-02 10:24:58
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yta. it is your wedding and you can do what you want, but it’s a wedding, not a photoshoot or a play. the stuff about piercings, tattoos, and hair color is especially ridiculous.
if all you care about is nice pictures, then hire models. that way they’ll look exactly how you want them to look and they won’t complain. if you want an actual party with real people, you need flexibility.
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yta
https://www.debretts.com/expertise/etiquette/dress-codes/white-tie-dress-code/
white tie dress code does not mention hair colour, tattoos, piercings or women's shoes.
you are tacky as hell.
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yta for implementing a weird version of white tie
in what universe must white tie include heels? i don't own heels. i have been to several balls wearing jewelled flats.
and of course hair colour, piercings, tattoos etc. are completely outside the remit of a dress code.
i suspect instead of "white tie" you have a very constrained idea of some sort of "classy" event in mind, which of course is not classy at all.
you are being a snob and a poor host. the idea of a dress code is to inform people of expectations of what to wear, not form a restrictive code. this is a formal event, not a nightclub, and you would be rude beyond belief to bar people from coming because they don't own or feel comfortable in the kind of clothes you want to see in your bloody photos.
this should be an occasion to celebrate with your nearest and dearest. you are making it all about the look.
the good news is that with this behaviour you are telling people who you really are.
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“no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings” - are you my old high school?
it’s difficult to give judgement because i usually firmly believe in the “your wedding your choice” rule, but the guidelines dictating hair/tattoos/piercings seem excessive.
surely for some of your guests, changing hair colours or covering up tattoos will be expensive/a real hassle and would deter them from attending. additionally: what counts as a natural hair colour, and does that change depending on the ethnicity of a person?
overall i’ll go with yta - the tipping point being that you won’t allow some poor lady to change from uncomfortable heels into flats *after* the ceremony is over. i mean, what if you have leg pain/movement disability that makes wearing heels difficult? does that mean you can’t attend? i’m confused as to where you draw the line, but i think it’s pretty harsh.
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yta.
also, so much lower class thinking.
you're trying to look better than what you are and it shows.
real white tie events aren't this strict, and i've been to a lot.
you're putting perception over actual people, which is wrong.
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yta and a groomzilla
1. you're not just dictating a dress code, you're dictating every minute detail. if you invited guests who dye their hair or have piercings or tattoos that are normally visible you're now telling them that that part of their identity is not ok. that they need to change who they are just for your wedding.
2. for still going ahead with a large wedding during a pandemic
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yta. white tie for the immediate wedding party? ok. expecting everyone to come in a tailed dress coat, piqué waistcoat, white bowtie and wingtip collar for the men or a full-length evening gown for the women is very extra - especially since many people cannot afford anything like this (can you even rent that?? i only find stuff from the uk, where it's gonna cost about 250 pounds for the male set). all the men will look like this, right? https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/white-tie-poster.jpg - will they also be expected to wear white gloves, or are you skipping on that part of white tie?
also, asking people to cover up tattoos and piercings is a bit extra.
since you are so much into this dresscode, let me ask you tho, are you following it completely yourself? white tie expected after 6 pm (because it is an evening dress)? is the groom wearing a morning coat in the afternoon? with the fitting hat?
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yta
i suggest you hire people to attend your wedding so you can make sure they all adhere to your dress code. that seems to be what is most important to you -- how things look. maybe you could get some cardboard cutouts to pose with.
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you seem like a lot of fun
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info
are you and your entire family in a social circle that does these type of events regularly?
do you know that many people live their entire lives without ever wearing a "white tie" outfit.. and they might not have even known what it meant when they rsvpd ... thinking they could sort it out later or that it wasn't that big a deal?
sounds like there may have been a downside to dividing your friends and family along class lines...
enjoy ur pics!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off. the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that. one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously. we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction. this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions. unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd. in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment. since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend. aita for having a dress code at our wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello everyone. we (29m and 24f) are getting married this september. up until recently, everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off. the issue lies in the dress code. we have been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event, so of course there are strict rules attached to that. one thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot. we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations. the photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. so naturally we are taking this seriously. we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced. the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this. we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction. this was going fine until one of our mothers has recently posted on facebook a picture of a 'cocktail' style dress she wants to wear on the day. of course this isn't included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable. another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the 'white tie' instructions. unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends. both sets of parents, cousins, some siblings, and many more people have messaged us privately to ask us to relax our dress code and allow them to be flexible. this isn't happening, so we have just pointed to our 'white tie only' policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd. in our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for 'day to day life', they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal. we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules. having been to other weddings over the years, we have fully complied with the wishes of the marrying couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment. since we made this clear, we've been called assholes by people around us. however, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along. we have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend. aita for having a dress code at our wedding? [/INST] yta. it is your wedding and you can do what you want, but it’s a wedding, not a photoshoot or a play. the stuff about piercings, tattoos, and hair color is especially ridiculous. if all you care about is nice pictures, then hire models. that way they’ll look exactly how you want them to look and they won’t complain. if you want an actual party with real people, you need flexibility. </s>
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AITA for switching to regular milk to prove my lactose intolerant roommate keeps stealing from me?
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me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up.
this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it.
one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice.
i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious.
my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys.
the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant.
the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?”
he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up.
my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit.
i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
| 46,205 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvcvtt/aita_for_switching_to_regular_milk_to_prove_my/
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2020-07-21 18:29:53
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nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem.
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nta. it’s your food. you could have put your medicine in it or even your pet’s medication in it. you could have put a laxative in it or even syrup of ipecac. and i would still say nta. when people steal food, lie about it and don’t replace it they reap what they sow. food is expensive, especially milk substitutes. without replacing the food he was essentially stealing money from your wallet.
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nta. i read a story from askamanager where something similar occurred. op liked spicy food and food thief ate it then reported op to hr for trying to poison him.
eventually op got fired after hr agreed with food thief. op got a lawyer and story came out that hr and food thief were in a relationship. company owner fired both offenders and hired op back with increased pay.
dude sucks for stealing your food and i would have done the same thing.
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nta.
> the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it.
this, children, is called projection: he knows he's stealing food, and he figures the two of you are going to try and do it to him.
dick.
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this story is incredible! who can't tell the difference between almond milk and dairy milk?
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nta
if he steals from you, he should face consequences, especially after you bringing it up to him. why would he expect you buying and using products that accomodate to his health condition?
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nta there is a saying in finnish that translates to 'the greedy ones have a shitty end', and i think that's what happened here.
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speaking as a lactose intolerant person: nta.
dude had to learn a lesson.
if drinking real milk would have killed him, or hospitalised him, then i'd say it was too far, and there should be a better way. but having to shit for 40 minutes is a hilarious, and fair, punishment.
well played, op. well played.
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nta as my husband always says " play stupid games, win stupid prizes" guy got what he deserved.
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nta hes stealing from you and you taught him a lesson. he'll have the shits boo hoo
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and 2 other guys share an apartment together and we split all the bills. the only thing we don’t split costs on is groceries. everyone’s in charge of buying their own food and we don’t touch whatever doesn’t belong to us in the fridge. we put our names on everything so no one gets mixed up. this issue has been going on almost a year and i’m sick of it. one of my roommates, r, keeps stealing my food. i get home from work and containers with my leftovers are sometimes missing (they have my name written on it), or my stuff finishes too quick. my gallon of milk for example. i buy almond milk because i like the taste. but it seems to finish after a week even though i’ve only drank once or twice. i confronted r about this lots of times and that’s caused a lot of arguments. he outright denies it and tells me i’m crazy even though it’s so obvious. my other roommate and i carpool together because we both work the same early morning shifts around the same area so i know it’s not him. it’s always after we get back home and r’s already left for work that i notice my food’s gone. my roommate’s also had a similar problem but not as often as i do. i’m guessing cause r doesn’t like what he buys. the funny thing is r buys a lot for himself and is even more stingy about his food. he will literally point out what’s his when he comes back from grocery shopping and tells us not to touch it. last week, my milk was nearly empty again and i got fed up. i went to the liquor store and bought regular dairy milk. i drank what was left of my almond milk and refilled the gallon with the one i bought. this was to catch/prove r is the one stealing since he’s lactose intolerant. the nxt day, saturday, we get back from work and r is pissed. he yelled at me that he was stuck in the bathroom for 40 mins with diarrhea because of my milk; he was using it to make a shake. i only responded with “so then you’re the one who’s been stealing?” he freaking exploded. yeah he admitted he was “sometimes” drinking my milk and eating my food but he was more mad that i switched milks than the fact that he was caught. i told him i wouldn’t have done that if he’d just stopped taking my stuff from the fridge or at least told the truth instead of tryna make it seem like i was making it up. my roommate backed me up and thought it was kinda funny he got payback for stealing from us. it’s a little tense rn and my roommate told me r is trying to convince him to agree to kick me out. little does he know we’re both looking to move somewhere else together cause we are sick of his shit. i told some buddies what happened and a few think i was an asshole for that. i feel like i’m not in the wrong here. he was taking my food and not even owning up to it and i wanted to prove it, does that make me ta? [/INST] nta. as you said if r wasn’t stealing your food, he wouldn’t have had a problem. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to give my new stepdaughter fine silverware that my mom promised to my daughter?
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my mom passed away some years ago. she was by no means a rich lady but she held onto treasures in the way people from the old days did.
she had a beautiful antique set of silverware that i admired as a little girl, and that my own daughter loved to look at when we went to visit my mom. my mom promised her she would have it one day.
before my mom passed she gifted the silverware to me on the proviso that it went to my daughter when she is old enough. of course i agreed and it’s stayed in my home since since my daughter wants me to give them to her when she first buys her own home, so obviously a few years away still.
since my moms death life has changed for me- i remarried in 2018, my daughter is all grown up at 19, and i have inherited a lovely stepdaughter who is in her 30’s.
she asked me if she could use the silverware for her wedding this past july, i was uneasy only because the thought of it being stolen etc was on my mind. however her ceremony was very small and intimate so ultimately i changed my mind after asking my daughter her thoughts since ultimately it’s her silverware.
after her wedding she was asked me repeatedly if she can share the set of silverware with my daughter. she fell in love with it and now has sentimental value to her. i do like my stepdaughter but it’s not my gift to give away, i’m simply holding on to it for my daughter.
i told her to ask my daughter, my daughter said no. she said it politely. my stepdaughter thinks i am excluding her because she should enjoy this also. i said it’s not my place or my gift to split. she thinks that i should ‘overrride’ my daughters opinion but i don’t think that’s fair either.
| 18,762 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6rx0o/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_my_new_stepdaughter/
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2020-02-20 11:44:43
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nta
it was kind of you and your daughter to let her use it but it doesn't mean you have to give her it.
what does your husband think? he should really be dealing with his daughter on your behalf here
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nta this woman is in her 30s, it’s not like you raised her or your mother knew her as a granddaughter. you need to say no.
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nta. at all.
i think it was very lovely of you and your daughter to loan her the silverware for her wedding, and i'm astounded at the cheek of her asking if she can have it! if your step-daughter had a relationship with your mother, i could understand her feeling some attachment to the silverware, or if she considered you her mother, then i could understand that too.
but at the end of the day, she has seen something shiny she likes and thinks she has some right to own it. this is not true. she has no right to that silverware that your mother specifically left to your daughter. your daughter said no, and you are right to say that it is not your decisions to make.
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nta - i don’t think she understands that your dead mother is the one that decided who got the gift. which carries a lot of weight. the gift isnt from mom, it’s from dead grandma. it means a lot more that way, and your stepdaughter needs to accept that.
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nta -slippery slope here... in the past 2 years you've acquired an adult step daughter who wants to call dibs on a family heirloom that has been in your family for, i'm assuming, fifty years and has been promised to someone else. someone your mom actually knew.
slippery slope, first comes the silverware next comes the real estate and bank accounts. or have you already been asked to share that?
you would be the a if you give away something intended for someone else. you made a promise to your dead mother. promises to the dead are sacred. if your step daughter doesn't understand that maybe you should take a second look at the person who raised her.
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nta. the cheek on your stepdaughter! i hope this is an isolated incident since you say she is lovely, but the pushiness and entitlement she’s displaying here is decidedly unlovely. she’s been told no twice now— if she brings it up again tell you her you are honoring your mother’s wishes and you decline to discuss the matter further.
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nta absolutely not. she feels emotional about a bunch of silver she used once? this is an heirloom for your daughter, the value doesn't even compare. your step-daughter should never even have asked.
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nta
> my stepdaughter thinks i am excluding her because she should enjoy this also
>
> she thinks that i should ‘overrride’ my daughters opinion but i don’t think that’s fair either.
the absolute gall of this woman.
she is not entitled to your daughters silverware. she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that the silverware is your daughters, it is not up for debate, and she is not in any way entitled to a single piece of it.
it is not hers, and she needs to accept that instead of trying to guilt you into giving them to her.
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nta. no is a complete sentence. she asked your daughter who is the owner and your daughter said no there should be nothing further on the matter.
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“i’ve already said no. this was left specifically to my daughter from her grandmother.
against my better judgement, my daughter graciously lent you the silverware for your wedding. you shouldn’t then expect to keep any of the silverware knowing it’s history and my mother’s intentions.”
or just...
“this is none negotiable. stop being entitled.”
she’s 30 and should know better. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom passed away some years ago. she was by no means a rich lady but she held onto treasures in the way people from the old days did. she had a beautiful antique set of silverware that i admired as a little girl, and that my own daughter loved to look at when we went to visit my mom. my mom promised her she would have it one day. before my mom passed she gifted the silverware to me on the proviso that it went to my daughter when she is old enough. of course i agreed and it’s stayed in my home since since my daughter wants me to give them to her when she first buys her own home, so obviously a few years away still. since my moms death life has changed for me- i remarried in 2018, my daughter is all grown up at 19, and i have inherited a lovely stepdaughter who is in her 30’s. she asked me if she could use the silverware for her wedding this past july, i was uneasy only because the thought of it being stolen etc was on my mind. however her ceremony was very small and intimate so ultimately i changed my mind after asking my daughter her thoughts since ultimately it’s her silverware. after her wedding she was asked me repeatedly if she can share the set of silverware with my daughter. she fell in love with it and now has sentimental value to her. i do like my stepdaughter but it’s not my gift to give away, i’m simply holding on to it for my daughter. i told her to ask my daughter, my daughter said no. she said it politely. my stepdaughter thinks i am excluding her because she should enjoy this also. i said it’s not my place or my gift to split. she thinks that i should ‘overrride’ my daughters opinion but i don’t think that’s fair either.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom passed away some years ago. she was by no means a rich lady but she held onto treasures in the way people from the old days did. she had a beautiful antique set of silverware that i admired as a little girl, and that my own daughter loved to look at when we went to visit my mom. my mom promised her she would have it one day. before my mom passed she gifted the silverware to me on the proviso that it went to my daughter when she is old enough. of course i agreed and it’s stayed in my home since since my daughter wants me to give them to her when she first buys her own home, so obviously a few years away still. since my moms death life has changed for me- i remarried in 2018, my daughter is all grown up at 19, and i have inherited a lovely stepdaughter who is in her 30’s. she asked me if she could use the silverware for her wedding this past july, i was uneasy only because the thought of it being stolen etc was on my mind. however her ceremony was very small and intimate so ultimately i changed my mind after asking my daughter her thoughts since ultimately it’s her silverware. after her wedding she was asked me repeatedly if she can share the set of silverware with my daughter. she fell in love with it and now has sentimental value to her. i do like my stepdaughter but it’s not my gift to give away, i’m simply holding on to it for my daughter. i told her to ask my daughter, my daughter said no. she said it politely. my stepdaughter thinks i am excluding her because she should enjoy this also. i said it’s not my place or my gift to split. she thinks that i should ‘overrride’ my daughters opinion but i don’t think that’s fair either. [/INST] nta it was kind of you and your daughter to let her use it but it doesn't mean you have to give her it. what does your husband think? he should really be dealing with his daughter on your behalf here </s>
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AITA for not letting my girlfriend wear her “unique” dress to a wedding?
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updated!
throwaway account because she uses reddit.
my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea.
don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front.
my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”.
the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
| 32,578 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ser504/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_wear_her/
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2022-01-28 13:44:37
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nta
that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting.
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to be fair, it’s not that you aren’t letting her; you can’t stop her and you’re not pretending you can. nobody can paint you as being controlling in this.
all you’re doing is telling her how unbelievably crass it would be to wear that dress, how disrespectful it would seem, how poorly it would be received and overall how much of a weapons-grade flaming asshole she would be to wear it to these guys’ wedding.
nta. holy shit, does she not see how incredibly dehumanising and objectifying what she wants to do is? it’s a gay wedding, so that makes a *meme about rats* a good fit? “throw some rainbow shit at it, the gays love rainbows” seems to broadly summarise her take.
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that seems incredibly inappropriate to wear to a wedding….
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nta- the wedding is not about her. she should not wear anything inappropriate (a dress with rats and gay prides class is 100% inappropriate). she should not wear anything that will draw too much attention away from the bride and groom.
updated rules of wedding attire:
- no wearing white
- no rat dresses (can’t believe this needs to be clarified)
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nta. this is a bad idea. the wedding is not her chance to make a creative splash. she needs to take a step back as a guest at a friends wedding and let the day be about the couple.
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nta. the implication that the grooms are rats is uncool at their wedding. it’s rude. this is not about her sense of style but about support for your friends.
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nta. but honestly you would be, if you brought her as a +1 while wearing that dress. she sounds either completely socially unaware, or just selfish, if at age 30, she still doesn’t understand that a wedding day is extremely expensive, stressful, special, and cherished by the grooms, and she should not use it as a chance to display her creativity and make a spectacle. since she’s so completely unaware, it sadly falls to you to “manage” her in this situation, and you wbta if you don’t protect your friend’s event from that rude and disrespectful dress. if she remains stubborn about wearing it, don’t be afraid to just rsvp for one.
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nta
i don't usually approve of men telling women how to dress.
1. however this is **your friends wedding** and you don't think he would like it.
2. she is a +1 she needs to respect her status at this wedding
3. she needs to respect the feelings of the grooms.
4. especially as her dress while lgb supportive is overtly political
5. her dress is designed to draw attention not something you do at a wedding. all eyes should be on the couple getting married not the guest in the attention grabbing outfit.
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maybe remind your gf these are two people in real life and not two rats getting married?
idk. just a crazy thought.
nta.
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nta, she really likes her attention huh? 🚩
a wedding is not a place for your girlfriend to demonstrate her creativity or take over the spotlight. it’s not her art exhibition or fashion runway, it’s a place for her to dress up appropriately and attend a wedding in support of two people joining their lives together. and not to be a sideshow.
ps: “i support gay rats” is a statement ripe for misunderstanding and offense from a lot of the guests. i’m not even familiar with this meme myself and am an elder millennial. so pretty sure those older than me are likely not to get it either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
updated! throwaway account because she uses reddit. my (m25) girlfriend (f30) nat has a very particular sense of style. picture harley finkle from wizards of waverly place, you will get the idea. don’t get me wrong, i never had a problem with that! in fact, i love the way she dresses because she loves to do so, and i am happy if she is happy. the thing is, sometimes she likes to incorporate memes into her clothes. no problem. it’s cute. but now she wants to wear a dress inspired on the meme “gay rat wedding”. to my friend’s wedding. he and his fiancé are gay. i told her, maybe that is not really appropriated? the dress in question would be full of little stuffed rats, pride flags and a big “i support gay rats” on the front. my friend is not a big fan of the way my gf dresses and i think this dress may cause an certain uproar in the wedding. now, nat is upset with me and claiming that i am “throwing water in her flame of creativity”. the wedding is next month, so she has plenty of time to think about another thing to wear. should i just let her go with the dress? am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta that’s very inappropriate for a wedding. not to mention, kinda insulting. </s>
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AITA My wife demands I remove taxidermy for her sisters visit.
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i am very into deer hunting and have two mounted deer heads in my basement. my wife does not like taxidermy and brings it up quite a bit. one is in a living room and the other in my workout room that doubles as a guest room.
her sister is coming to town for the holidays and my wife insists i remove the deer head so her sister is comfortable. i refused since i use the room everyday and i get a great memory every time i walk in that room. i don’t feel like i need to take down or adjust things for my sister in law. she doesn’t have to stay at out house.
i have offered to change sheets etc so my wife does not need to go in that room.
| 3,357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zolhxq/aita_my_wife_demands_i_remove_taxidermy_for_her/
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2022-12-18 00:47:56
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yta who the fuck wants to sleep with a dead deer looking at them? take it down! i
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yta. you're not going to use the workout room while it's a guest room, so why does bambi need to be in there while it's a guest room?
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yta. you're not going to go into the guest room every day while your sil is staying there. and to be a good host, you should also temporarily move the one in the living room. how does this hurt you?
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i am very into deer hunting and ***have two mounted deer heads in my basement***. my wife does not like taxidermy and brings it up quite a bit. ***one is in a living room and the other in my workout room that doubles as a guest room.***
how the hell are these heads in both the basement and the living room and the workout room? and yta because you sure as shit aren't going to be working out in that room while she's staying there so take your sad little trophy down and put it away.
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yta - relationships involve compromise. the request is for a short duration at which time you won't be accessing the room to work out. enjoy your good memories 360ish days of the year.
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i do think having your wife's sister over is more important than having some thing on the wall, and i think if it was your family who wanted to come over you'd be more willing to try to make them happy. i think you should reflect a little harder on the kind of husband you want to be to your wife.
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nah about the deer mounts, though it would go a long way to just be a little flexible on it
yta though for thinking anyone outside of /hunting was going to be even remotely on your side
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i hunt (hell, i had venison burgers for dinner tonight) and i still don't want to sleep with a taxidermied animal's fake glass eyeballs staring at me.
i'm assuming your wife knows sil better than you do.
this isn't a demand to burn the creepy trophies, it's taking them down in an effort to be an adequate host to an invited guest.
yta
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tbh i don’t even care about the guest situation. yta for being unyielding with any sort of compromise about the carcasses when you know your wife hates them and brings it up quite often. the fact that you have a head in the living room -that i presume you share with your wife- makes you ta.
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yta. it is a small sacrifice on your part. your wife should be more important. as the old adage goes happy wife happy life.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am very into deer hunting and have two mounted deer heads in my basement. my wife does not like taxidermy and brings it up quite a bit. one is in a living room and the other in my workout room that doubles as a guest room. her sister is coming to town for the holidays and my wife insists i remove the deer head so her sister is comfortable. i refused since i use the room everyday and i get a great memory every time i walk in that room. i don’t feel like i need to take down or adjust things for my sister in law. she doesn’t have to stay at out house. i have offered to change sheets etc so my wife does not need to go in that room.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am very into deer hunting and have two mounted deer heads in my basement. my wife does not like taxidermy and brings it up quite a bit. one is in a living room and the other in my workout room that doubles as a guest room. her sister is coming to town for the holidays and my wife insists i remove the deer head so her sister is comfortable. i refused since i use the room everyday and i get a great memory every time i walk in that room. i don’t feel like i need to take down or adjust things for my sister in law. she doesn’t have to stay at out house. i have offered to change sheets etc so my wife does not need to go in that room. [/INST] yta who the fuck wants to sleep with a dead deer looking at them? take it down! i </s>
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AITA for telling my roommate her aspirations of being an influencer are "fucking pathetic"?
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tl;dr: roommate works a minimum of 50 hours a week and can barely support him and his girlfriend. she wants to be an influencer and isn’t bringing home any income. after witnessing the boyfriend have a mental breakdown from being overworked, i told the girlfriend that her aspirations were “fucking pathetic”.
&#x200b;
i’ve lived with a couple for a little over a year and a half. i’m in my early 20’s, they’re in their early 30’s. the boyfriend works 2 minimum wage jobs, at least 50 hours a week in order to provide for the two of them as the girlfriend is striving to be an “influencer” and doesn’t have a job. she spends most of her time taking pictures to post on instagram and dming brands trying to get sponsorships. so far no income has come from this.
&#x200b;
last week, the boyfriend had a complete breakdown (while the girlfriend wasn’t home) and tells me he’s exhausted from being extremely overworked. he’s straight-up sobbing saying that even though he’s working back to back shifts, he still isn’t making enough money to support the both of them and (which i didn’t know about till now) her frivolous spending. he even had to ask his parents to help with this month’s rent.
&#x200b;
i felt really bad for the guy.
&#x200b;
skip forward to last night and i’m sitting chatting with the girlfriend and the topic of money came up. she started to complain that they weren’t making enough money for her to do the things she wanted. i politely asked her if getting a job and doing the instagram thing on the side was an option, and she immediately got defensive. she told me that “of course that isn’t an option” and that she shouldn’t have to put her dreams on hold. confused, i asked her what those dreams are. she said to inspire people. and then i said, which i probably shouldn’t have, “to do nothing?”. she got really offended and said that there’s so much that goes into it that i could never understand. i mean, the girl takes pictures of lattes and her in yoga poses. she doesn’t even edit them, just uses the default filters on the app. i didn’t want to argue about the logistics of “influencing” so i instead brought up my concern for her boyfriend and told her that i think he may be overworking himself, he’s not happy, and he needs her help to support them financially. she says “well, i don’t understand why we both have to be unhappy. at least one of us is pursuing our aspirations.” to that, i said, “well if your aspirations are to do nothing while your partner busts their ass to support you, then your aspirations are fucking pathetic.”
&#x200b;
later that evening i get a text from the boyfriend saying what i said crossed a line and now because of me, she thinks that he believes she does nothing and her “dreams” are pathetic.
&#x200b;
i feel bad but holy crap, i couldn’t just sit by and bite my tongue. aita?
| 22,023 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqr34m/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_her_aspirations_of/
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2021-01-05 05:02:08
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nta
he might not realize it yet, but you were a good friend to him. hopefully, he’ll soon realize that she’s using him.
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man...this is one of the few times i wish we had a “justified asshole” option...
you may have crossed a line, but i’m hard pressed to give you any shit for it. although you may have to reconcile a bit with your friend, but i’m gonna say nta.
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nta. from your description, this couple is in some kind of toxic and potentially volatile co-dependency situation. however, you should tread very lightly, as anything even the slightest bit critical you say to a lazy narcissist will not register in a constructive manner.
you might want to apologize for overstepping your bounds if that's viable. the boyfriend needs to look at the big picture and speak up. he's being abused. no one should suffer in silence. he might want to pursue counselling.
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while it probably wasn’t your business to say anything, good for you. i went from irritated to pissed when she said she doesn’t understand why they both need to be unhappy. tf? i have a whole rant over influencer culture, won’t get into that now. but this struck a nerve. nta of course.
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nta. she is pathetic, not just her aspirations. being honest isn’t being an ah, it’s being honest.
i wish your friends would dump her for the sake of his mental and physical health.
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nta she has no idea what she is doing. my bff started a youtube channel on the side, it’s a niche interest after x years they have enough subs to make about 10k from it. they don’t rely on that income, it’s fluid and changes month to month.
99.9% of people who call themselves an influencer or an entrepreneur are self absorbed morons that can’t function in real world jobs because they are assholes. whether they are selfish, self absorbed, lazy, millennial-esque, refuse to follow rules, refuse to work “menial” jobs, refuse to put their phone down, not good working with groups or coworkers, can’t be bothered to follow a basic dress code, won’t clean bathrooms, don’t show up to work on time, etc. it all goes under the category of “no” for all jobs.
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as someone who's schooling literally involves a class called "media branding" what she thinks is media influencing is completely wrong? there's literally nothing about food pictures and yoga on instagram that counts as anything. nobody cares.
if she had a part time job she could probably buy products to test for people who are into what she's doing, go places and more! people like stuff that benefits them or offers them something of value.
you need to have a defined brand. something that makes what she's doing different or better from anyone doing similar things.
a lot of the times with these kinds of "dreams" you can't expect for it to happen over night. you normally end up putting tons of money into advertising, buying things, and branding before you even make a cent back....
literally she just wants her instagram to have a lot of followers and to get free stuff and isn't actually an aspiring "influencer".
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i really want to say n / t / a - like i don't think really you said anything out of line, but i think you fumbled it by saying that to the girlfriend. you should of just told the guy to break up with his girlfriend, and made you case to him about why.
yta, you initiated a fight in a relationship where you won't see the majority of the blowback, or they'll both gang up on you. it was just a stupid move for everyone involved, imo. the girlfriend is an asshole too, but you got too far into their business.
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nta. nothing wrong with being an influencer, but at the end of the day, she's leeching off of him. she's not putting her half of the effort into their relationship. why does anyone have to be unhappy?
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nta - those dreams are pathetic for many reasons, not the least of which she's reaching for them from the breaking back of her (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl;dr: roommate works a minimum of 50 hours a week and can barely support him and his girlfriend. she wants to be an influencer and isn’t bringing home any income. after witnessing the boyfriend have a mental breakdown from being overworked, i told the girlfriend that her aspirations were “fucking pathetic”. &#x200b; i’ve lived with a couple for a little over a year and a half. i’m in my early 20’s, they’re in their early 30’s. the boyfriend works 2 minimum wage jobs, at least 50 hours a week in order to provide for the two of them as the girlfriend is striving to be an “influencer” and doesn’t have a job. she spends most of her time taking pictures to post on instagram and dming brands trying to get sponsorships. so far no income has come from this. &#x200b; last week, the boyfriend had a complete breakdown (while the girlfriend wasn’t home) and tells me he’s exhausted from being extremely overworked. he’s straight-up sobbing saying that even though he’s working back to back shifts, he still isn’t making enough money to support the both of them and (which i didn’t know about till now) her frivolous spending. he even had to ask his parents to help with this month’s rent. &#x200b; i felt really bad for the guy. &#x200b; skip forward to last night and i’m sitting chatting with the girlfriend and the topic of money came up. she started to complain that they weren’t making enough money for her to do the things she wanted. i politely asked her if getting a job and doing the instagram thing on the side was an option, and she immediately got defensive. she told me that “of course that isn’t an option” and that she shouldn’t have to put her dreams on hold. confused, i asked her what those dreams are. she said to inspire people. and then i said, which i probably shouldn’t have, “to do nothing?”. she got really offended and said that there’s so much that goes into it that i could never understand. i mean, the girl takes pictures of lattes and her in yoga poses. she doesn’t even edit them, just uses the default filters on the app. i didn’t want to argue about the logistics of “influencing” so i instead brought up my concern for her boyfriend and told her that i think he may be overworking himself, he’s not happy, and he needs her help to support them financially. she says “well, i don’t understand why we both have to be unhappy. at least one of us is pursuing our aspirations.” to that, i said, “well if your aspirations are to do nothing while your partner busts their ass to support you, then your aspirations are fucking pathetic.” &#x200b; later that evening i get a text from the boyfriend saying what i said crossed a line and now because of me, she thinks that he believes she does nothing and her “dreams” are pathetic. &#x200b; i feel bad but holy crap, i couldn’t just sit by and bite my tongue. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr: roommate works a minimum of 50 hours a week and can barely support him and his girlfriend. she wants to be an influencer and isn’t bringing home any income. after witnessing the boyfriend have a mental breakdown from being overworked, i told the girlfriend that her aspirations were “fucking pathetic”. &#x200b; i’ve lived with a couple for a little over a year and a half. i’m in my early 20’s, they’re in their early 30’s. the boyfriend works 2 minimum wage jobs, at least 50 hours a week in order to provide for the two of them as the girlfriend is striving to be an “influencer” and doesn’t have a job. she spends most of her time taking pictures to post on instagram and dming brands trying to get sponsorships. so far no income has come from this. &#x200b; last week, the boyfriend had a complete breakdown (while the girlfriend wasn’t home) and tells me he’s exhausted from being extremely overworked. he’s straight-up sobbing saying that even though he’s working back to back shifts, he still isn’t making enough money to support the both of them and (which i didn’t know about till now) her frivolous spending. he even had to ask his parents to help with this month’s rent. &#x200b; i felt really bad for the guy. &#x200b; skip forward to last night and i’m sitting chatting with the girlfriend and the topic of money came up. she started to complain that they weren’t making enough money for her to do the things she wanted. i politely asked her if getting a job and doing the instagram thing on the side was an option, and she immediately got defensive. she told me that “of course that isn’t an option” and that she shouldn’t have to put her dreams on hold. confused, i asked her what those dreams are. she said to inspire people. and then i said, which i probably shouldn’t have, “to do nothing?”. she got really offended and said that there’s so much that goes into it that i could never understand. i mean, the girl takes pictures of lattes and her in yoga poses. she doesn’t even edit them, just uses the default filters on the app. i didn’t want to argue about the logistics of “influencing” so i instead brought up my concern for her boyfriend and told her that i think he may be overworking himself, he’s not happy, and he needs her help to support them financially. she says “well, i don’t understand why we both have to be unhappy. at least one of us is pursuing our aspirations.” to that, i said, “well if your aspirations are to do nothing while your partner busts their ass to support you, then your aspirations are fucking pathetic.” &#x200b; later that evening i get a text from the boyfriend saying what i said crossed a line and now because of me, she thinks that he believes she does nothing and her “dreams” are pathetic. &#x200b; i feel bad but holy crap, i couldn’t just sit by and bite my tongue. aita? [/INST] nta he might not realize it yet, but you were a good friend to him. hopefully, he’ll soon realize that she’s using him. </s>
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AITA for inviting my old friends to my wedding despite my fiancee's disapproval?.
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i (m33) am getting married to my fiancee (f32) next month, we knew each other from when we were in high school. i had an old group of friends that i wanted to invite to my weeding because they were close to me back then. when my fiancee found out and read the name on every invitation, she went into panic mode. she said she doesn't want any member of this group in our wedding whatsoever, i asked her to explain and she claimed they'd heavily bullied and harrassed her in high school while she was dealing with major health problems. she said they made her life hell and caused her mental health permenant damaged. i asked if she was serious because this was many years ago and everyone has matured by now. she said no and that it doesn't make sense that i want to invite them when i don't even hang out with them since god knows when. i said true but most of them are from my neighborhood (parents house) and they were part of my childhood-teenage years and i wanted them to be invited. pluse i'm in constant contact with some of them. she said she'll veto my decision but i argued that it was ridiculous that she is so hung up on some petty high school drama. she started crying saying i have no consideration for how she feels and felt like i was prioritizing this group over her. i refused to argue anymore because i felt that she keeps disrespecting my choices yet, i got called the selfish one in this whole situation.
she's still arguing with me about it and it's getting exhausting because i don't tell her to invite thus person or that person. aita then?
| 10,357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sxsg1v/aita_for_inviting_my_old_friends_to_my_wedding/
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2022-02-21 12:33:00
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yta. let me get this straight, you want to invite them because "back in the day" you hang out with them, but her being bullied does not count because its "years ago"?
edit, oh dear, thank you all for the awards!
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info
do you even like your fiancée?
she's taking about trauma caused by these people and you're being so dismissive - if it's more important for you to have high-school buddies at your wedding than it is for your bride to be happy... you should probably reevaluate the whole marriage thing.
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yta. it sounds like you don’t care about your future wife
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yta - look, i know it's your wedding too, but this people caused a lot of damage to her mental health. you haven't seen them in years. so why are you prioritizing them over your future wife?
if you want to catch up, go and hang out with them. but don't invite ghosts of the past to a special day, that could cause a panic attack or breakdown in your wife.
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yta
please don't marry someone you don't respect.
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yta. you are choosing your future wife's bullies over her on the day that is supposed to be about the both of you. she shouldn't be subjected to having to watch the people who traumatized her as a teenager.
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yta absolutely.
you're about to make vows to cherish and protect this woman, and you can't even seem to do it for the wedding over something that doesn't really affect you in the least. i hope she realizes what this means about who you are and calls it off.
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yta - your wife went into panic mode, according to your own words, just reading their names on the guest list. it's obvious she has trauma from this bullying - infact she told you she did! why are you subjecting her to this on her wedding day? it's her day too and she deserves to be comfortable and happy at her own wedding in the presence of people that love her. not in the presence of people that made her life hell or cause her to be in "panic mode".
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yta. your future wife told you these people made her life hell. it doesn’t matter if it was 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago. would you invite anyone in your life that made you miserable to your wedding? i’m guessing not. so why on the day that she is supposed to be happy would you invite people that made her miserable? you already admitted you don’t talk to them so how do you know they matured? the answer is that you don’t. you, op, are waving a giant red flag and i hope she never forgets how her future husband put her tormenters that he hasn’t seen in years before her. you are extremely selfish here.
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yta
high school trauma can last a lifetime and if you don’t respect her enough to see her point of view and wishes then why are you marrying her?
btw not everyone does mature…when i went to my 20 year high school reunion there were a few people still acting exactly the same as two decades ago!
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m33) am getting married to my fiancee (f32) next month, we knew each other from when we were in high school. i had an old group of friends that i wanted to invite to my weeding because they were close to me back then. when my fiancee found out and read the name on every invitation, she went into panic mode. she said she doesn't want any member of this group in our wedding whatsoever, i asked her to explain and she claimed they'd heavily bullied and harrassed her in high school while she was dealing with major health problems. she said they made her life hell and caused her mental health permenant damaged. i asked if she was serious because this was many years ago and everyone has matured by now. she said no and that it doesn't make sense that i want to invite them when i don't even hang out with them since god knows when. i said true but most of them are from my neighborhood (parents house) and they were part of my childhood-teenage years and i wanted them to be invited. pluse i'm in constant contact with some of them. she said she'll veto my decision but i argued that it was ridiculous that she is so hung up on some petty high school drama. she started crying saying i have no consideration for how she feels and felt like i was prioritizing this group over her. i refused to argue anymore because i felt that she keeps disrespecting my choices yet, i got called the selfish one in this whole situation. she's still arguing with me about it and it's getting exhausting because i don't tell her to invite thus person or that person. aita then?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m33) am getting married to my fiancee (f32) next month, we knew each other from when we were in high school. i had an old group of friends that i wanted to invite to my weeding because they were close to me back then. when my fiancee found out and read the name on every invitation, she went into panic mode. she said she doesn't want any member of this group in our wedding whatsoever, i asked her to explain and she claimed they'd heavily bullied and harrassed her in high school while she was dealing with major health problems. she said they made her life hell and caused her mental health permenant damaged. i asked if she was serious because this was many years ago and everyone has matured by now. she said no and that it doesn't make sense that i want to invite them when i don't even hang out with them since god knows when. i said true but most of them are from my neighborhood (parents house) and they were part of my childhood-teenage years and i wanted them to be invited. pluse i'm in constant contact with some of them. she said she'll veto my decision but i argued that it was ridiculous that she is so hung up on some petty high school drama. she started crying saying i have no consideration for how she feels and felt like i was prioritizing this group over her. i refused to argue anymore because i felt that she keeps disrespecting my choices yet, i got called the selfish one in this whole situation. she's still arguing with me about it and it's getting exhausting because i don't tell her to invite thus person or that person. aita then? [/INST] yta. let me get this straight, you want to invite them because "back in the day" you hang out with them, but her being bullied does not count because its "years ago"? edit, oh dear, thank you all for the awards! </s>
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AITA for telling my stepdaughter that she isn't allowed to order food when we go to restaurants anymore?
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this sounds bad, but hear me out. my stepdaughter is an absolute pain in the neck when it comes to food. she has legitimate and not mild allergies, but most of them aren't common things, so every single meal at a restaurant, no matter what she would get, would need several modifications. with so many special requests, something is always going to be wrong. i understand that, my wife understands that, and probably on some level she does too, but it is an entire event every time.
she ends up acting like the restaurant is personally trying to kill her. she of course has to send it back, but spirals into a breakdown and won't eat what ever they bring back anyway because it "isn't safe", regardless of what the truth is anymore. it makes the entire meal a nightmare for everyone including the restaurant workers. the younger kids end up having their food go cold because they can't eat with the drama going on and they don't know what to do.
i finally broke and told her and my wife, while we were all together as a family, that she would just have to stop getting food when we went out and that she needs to just wait until we get home. restaurants don't like having people bring outside food, i think it looks really rude anyway, and she just eats later at home anyway due to these episodes.
not only that, but it is expensive as hell for her to do this. basic meals that would comply are already not cheap, and it creates so much food waste, which i absolutely hate. my wife says that i don't understand what it's like to have to navigate food when you can't "just deal with it" like everyone else and a slight mistake can land you in the hospital, and that this makes her feel like she's less than and not part of the family. i just want to stop wasting money and food and have more quiet meals.
| 4,026 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la51rf/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_that_she_isnt/
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2021-02-01 15:03:46
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yta
are you fucking kidding me? girl has legit food allergies which could kill her and rather than taking the time to review publicly available allergen information on restaurant websites, calling in advance or finding a restaurant that can accommodate her your solution is that she sit there and watch everyone eat? she didn’t choose to have food allergies or the resultant anxiety around it. you however are choosing to be a monumental asshole.
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yta.
> i just want to stop wasting money and food and have more quiet meals.
then save the restaurants for date nights with your wife or one-on-one outings with the other kids, and have the family meals at home. or do the research in advance and find places that *can* accommodate her, instead of getting mad at *her* when it turns out they're not prepared to deal with something like this.
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yta - while i understand it’s annoying
1. it’s completely unfair to make her go out with you to just sit there and watch everyone else eat
2.if she has to send her food back multiple times because they keep messing it up....well that’s not her fault, if she tells them plainly ( or you or your wife do) what needs to be taken off and stuff they should be able to do it in one or two requests, not several
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yta. it honestly horrified me how little you seem to regard your stepdaughter.
no person i know with allergies would feel safe eating at a restaurant that already messed up their order once. this isn't picky, this is oops now you're dead or in the hospital. a restaurant that messes it up once clearly isn't taking it seriously enough or knows enough to guarantee the food is safe. and then when she is justifiably too scared and upset to eat you blame her. lovely.
and then you expect her to just "wait till we get home to eat?" wtf, how would you like that? she's a child in your care. save restaurants for date night and restrict outings with the family to known allergy safe restaurants or pack food from home for everyone. any other option *is* excluding her and she is right to feel that way.
you just want quiet meals? she just wants to not die.
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yta
she's literally allergic and you want her to just choke down meals with allergens so that you can play happy family.
this is like fairy tale bad step-parent shit.
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[deleted]
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yta. i hope you're trolling, but just in case this unhappy girl exists somewhere:
your daughter's allergies are not her fault, and dismissing her as "an absolute pain in the neck when it comes to food" is like dismissing a diabetic as "an absolute pain in the neck when it comes to insulin."
secondly, the stress of trying to eat normally, and socially, has by the sounds of it caused a pattern of disordered eating, in the sense that she gets profoundly distressed when eating with her family in a restaurant. you are almost certainly partly to blame for this. refusing to allow her to eat with the rest of the family at restaurants is only going to compound those issues.
thirdly, get off your high horse about food wastage. your daughter's wellbeing is the bigger issue, and you don't seem to care about it.
finally, i don't believe for a second your daughter is preventing your other children from eating their meals.
bonus round:
>it is expensive as hell for her to do this.
cheaper than hospital though, right?
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know why this sounds bad? because it is bad.
yta. your stepdaughter is obviously having a great deal of anxiety and emotional pain, and you're going to alienate her further? good plan! you said these are legitimate allergy concerns, so why aren't you stepping up when the restaurant messes these dishes up?
you have every excuse imaginable here, it's too expensive, it's stressful for the other kids, and... food waste? fucking food waste over your stepdaughter's comfort?
want to be a good dad and not just her stepdad? counseling for her about this, but also for you and understanding why you don't care about her needs and feelings, anxiety over things that could actually harm her, and how to overcome those she's love this child.
jfc.
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yta- i feel like her having this complications is a package deal when you married her mother. having her sitting there while everybody else eat is cruel. out of curiosity, what kind of allergy does she has? why order food that normally has these ingredients?
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probably you guys should just stop getting food from restaurants if your stepdaughter isn't able to eat with the family. dragging her to a place, and her sitting at a table not eating while everyone else is eating isn't cool. i have to say, i'm leaning towards yta because she has genuine allergy concerns and despite that, you want to continue going to restaurants.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this sounds bad, but hear me out. my stepdaughter is an absolute pain in the neck when it comes to food. she has legitimate and not mild allergies, but most of them aren't common things, so every single meal at a restaurant, no matter what she would get, would need several modifications. with so many special requests, something is always going to be wrong. i understand that, my wife understands that, and probably on some level she does too, but it is an entire event every time. she ends up acting like the restaurant is personally trying to kill her. she of course has to send it back, but spirals into a breakdown and won't eat what ever they bring back anyway because it "isn't safe", regardless of what the truth is anymore. it makes the entire meal a nightmare for everyone including the restaurant workers. the younger kids end up having their food go cold because they can't eat with the drama going on and they don't know what to do. i finally broke and told her and my wife, while we were all together as a family, that she would just have to stop getting food when we went out and that she needs to just wait until we get home. restaurants don't like having people bring outside food, i think it looks really rude anyway, and she just eats later at home anyway due to these episodes. not only that, but it is expensive as hell for her to do this. basic meals that would comply are already not cheap, and it creates so much food waste, which i absolutely hate. my wife says that i don't understand what it's like to have to navigate food when you can't "just deal with it" like everyone else and a slight mistake can land you in the hospital, and that this makes her feel like she's less than and not part of the family. i just want to stop wasting money and food and have more quiet meals.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this sounds bad, but hear me out. my stepdaughter is an absolute pain in the neck when it comes to food. she has legitimate and not mild allergies, but most of them aren't common things, so every single meal at a restaurant, no matter what she would get, would need several modifications. with so many special requests, something is always going to be wrong. i understand that, my wife understands that, and probably on some level she does too, but it is an entire event every time. she ends up acting like the restaurant is personally trying to kill her. she of course has to send it back, but spirals into a breakdown and won't eat what ever they bring back anyway because it "isn't safe", regardless of what the truth is anymore. it makes the entire meal a nightmare for everyone including the restaurant workers. the younger kids end up having their food go cold because they can't eat with the drama going on and they don't know what to do. i finally broke and told her and my wife, while we were all together as a family, that she would just have to stop getting food when we went out and that she needs to just wait until we get home. restaurants don't like having people bring outside food, i think it looks really rude anyway, and she just eats later at home anyway due to these episodes. not only that, but it is expensive as hell for her to do this. basic meals that would comply are already not cheap, and it creates so much food waste, which i absolutely hate. my wife says that i don't understand what it's like to have to navigate food when you can't "just deal with it" like everyone else and a slight mistake can land you in the hospital, and that this makes her feel like she's less than and not part of the family. i just want to stop wasting money and food and have more quiet meals. [/INST] yta are you fucking kidding me? girl has legit food allergies which could kill her and rather than taking the time to review publicly available allergen information on restaurant websites, calling in advance or finding a restaurant that can accommodate her your solution is that she sit there and watch everyone eat? she didn’t choose to have food allergies or the resultant anxiety around it. you however are choosing to be a monumental asshole. </s>
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AITA for making my 11 year old daughter feel like an idiot and inferior ?
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i have two sweet and wonderful twin daughters(11), one who i’ll call lily, and the other taylor.
school comes naturally for taylor and district in fact last year recommended that she go to a magnet school, her first year there she’s really breezed through and we’re very proud of her.
lily works really hard at school and even back when they were in the same school lily spent far more time on her school work than taylor, but she gets worse grades than taylor, still good don’t get me wrong but she wasn’t considered for the magnet school.
the school year is over now, but during this last year lily while very sweet in general, has been a lot more distant from taylor, not antagonistic though at least.
after much prodding during the school year she told us that she felt like an idiot and that no matter how hard she worked taylor got to the “smart” school because she was much more intelligent than her.
i told her she was just smarter in other areas and so during the second semester we signed her up for some competitions , and stuff like that in some of the interests she had, painting, poetry, taylor wishing to spend some time with her sister who’d been distant so she asked to join too and we said yes.
the problem came in that in every thing we signed them up for that was competitive taylor did better, while in some things neither of them actually did very good, in terms of score taylor did always come out better.
lily felt awful she want to a therapist, sometimes along with her sister, sometimes not but it didn’t help. now that school is over we wanted the two of them to do some things together, and while lily will do stuff together as a family, she’s outright told us she doesn’t want to do anything with her sister because she makes her feel like she’s just a worse version of taylor.
am i the asshole for including taylor in those competitions ?
| 3,397 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwgozm/aita_for_making_my_11_year_old_daughter_feel_like/
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2020-06-04 12:40:49
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yta - your daughter comes to you and tells you she feels inferior to her sister who is better at everything, so your solution is to...put them in more stuff together? how hard would it have been to explain to taylor that lily wants to do x on her own, and if she (taylor) really wants to, she can do it separately?
way to show lily you give a shit about her feelings.
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yta she told you she feels stupid compared to her sister so you signed her up for stuff she likes then signed her sister up, how could you not see that fallout?
just let her do her own thing otherwise she will just be resentful of her sister
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a gentle yta.
my brother is a genius. we're talking sheldon cooper style child prodigy. he's had internships at international space organizations and is professor of aerospace engineering now. he's off the scales intelligent.
when my parents separated, my mother was wracked with guilt about what the emotional upheaval would do to her incredibly gifted child. as a result, for years our lives revolved around him, even more than they had in the past. i was actually very good at swimming as a child; my coach suggested the olympics could be an eventual goal if i got the right training. but i had to give up swimming because my mother couldn't balance that with my brother's needs. it was like that for everything i loved; either he outshone me naturally or the things i loved were so minor in comparison to him that they were just considered worthwhile sacrifices to nurturing his brilliance.
i veered off into full-scale depression. it ended with me begging my father to take primary custody of me so that i could live in a place where i didn't feel second-class all the time. very luckily, he did. i don't know that i would still be here if he hadn't.
your situation is clearly less extreme, but my heart still aches for poor lily. she needs a chance to be the star every now and again. and whether you mean to or not, you're denying her that.
find some way to celebrate her, please. she deserves that.
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yta, but i know you meant well. sisters, especially twins, are supposed to do things together right?
wrong. while there is some merit in having shared interests, you need to let lily do her own things. taylor would have gotten over it. you have literally driven a child into therapy with your inability to understand why she doesn’t want to spend time with her sister.
take a look at your day to day life. do you often praise taylor, telling her and others around about her accomplishments and accolades? think about this from lily’s shoes. she wants her own identity. signing her twin up for the same activities has done nothing but prove to her that she’s second best at even her favorite activities.
you mean well. but they are two different people. let them be different.
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yta.
“mom, i feel like an idiot when compared to taylor.”
“okay sweetie, how about we have you two compete even more? that will make it better!”
your daughter didn’t *want* to compete with her sister, but everything was being made into a competition. she wanted to actually feel like she was good at something, but you turned it into another competition.
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****lily has aspergers and taylor does not. this is crucial information. yta for letting the neurotypical kid get to make decisions that affect both of them while not taking lily's feelings seriously or asking her input first.
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yta. let lily have some things that are just for her. they are twins and will always be compared. it's important that they have their own identities independently of one another.
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yta- you should never force your children to compete. it can seriously hurt the kids relationship. give your daughter some space and let her do things by herself, free from the sister's shadow.
putting someone somewhere where they always lose does not build self-esteem, confidence, or happiness. never winning even when you try really hard is awful.
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yta my twin sisters have had a similar dynamic growing up, where e is much more competetive than a. as an adult e is now almost unbearable to be around because she still needs to control and show off at every turn. i actually worry that she'll alienate everyone around her.
i'm not saying taylor will be the same, but i have met several "gifted" children who struggle severely with their self-worth as adults because they put all of their worth into "being the best", and out in the real world it is pretty much impossible to always be the best.
i think you need to not only encourage lily, but also teach taylor some humility.
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yta.
they're two individual people, not two halves of a whole. if taylor wants to do things together, then they can hang out and watch tv or do a puzzle or something else that can't turn into a competition.
lily is literally worried that she is not good enough. and instead of letting her find something fun for herself, you forced her to be around her sister who she already doesn't like being around. you didn't ask lily if she wanted taylor there, you only listened to taylor saying she wanted to do it too. and in the process you've probably destroyed any interest lily had in those things because now she feels she's not good enough at that either.
how did you think that was going to go?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have two sweet and wonderful twin daughters(11), one who i’ll call lily, and the other taylor. school comes naturally for taylor and district in fact last year recommended that she go to a magnet school, her first year there she’s really breezed through and we’re very proud of her. lily works really hard at school and even back when they were in the same school lily spent far more time on her school work than taylor, but she gets worse grades than taylor, still good don’t get me wrong but she wasn’t considered for the magnet school. the school year is over now, but during this last year lily while very sweet in general, has been a lot more distant from taylor, not antagonistic though at least. after much prodding during the school year she told us that she felt like an idiot and that no matter how hard she worked taylor got to the “smart” school because she was much more intelligent than her. i told her she was just smarter in other areas and so during the second semester we signed her up for some competitions , and stuff like that in some of the interests she had, painting, poetry, taylor wishing to spend some time with her sister who’d been distant so she asked to join too and we said yes. the problem came in that in every thing we signed them up for that was competitive taylor did better, while in some things neither of them actually did very good, in terms of score taylor did always come out better. lily felt awful she want to a therapist, sometimes along with her sister, sometimes not but it didn’t help. now that school is over we wanted the two of them to do some things together, and while lily will do stuff together as a family, she’s outright told us she doesn’t want to do anything with her sister because she makes her feel like she’s just a worse version of taylor. am i the asshole for including taylor in those competitions ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have two sweet and wonderful twin daughters(11), one who i’ll call lily, and the other taylor. school comes naturally for taylor and district in fact last year recommended that she go to a magnet school, her first year there she’s really breezed through and we’re very proud of her. lily works really hard at school and even back when they were in the same school lily spent far more time on her school work than taylor, but she gets worse grades than taylor, still good don’t get me wrong but she wasn’t considered for the magnet school. the school year is over now, but during this last year lily while very sweet in general, has been a lot more distant from taylor, not antagonistic though at least. after much prodding during the school year she told us that she felt like an idiot and that no matter how hard she worked taylor got to the “smart” school because she was much more intelligent than her. i told her she was just smarter in other areas and so during the second semester we signed her up for some competitions , and stuff like that in some of the interests she had, painting, poetry, taylor wishing to spend some time with her sister who’d been distant so she asked to join too and we said yes. the problem came in that in every thing we signed them up for that was competitive taylor did better, while in some things neither of them actually did very good, in terms of score taylor did always come out better. lily felt awful she want to a therapist, sometimes along with her sister, sometimes not but it didn’t help. now that school is over we wanted the two of them to do some things together, and while lily will do stuff together as a family, she’s outright told us she doesn’t want to do anything with her sister because she makes her feel like she’s just a worse version of taylor. am i the asshole for including taylor in those competitions ? [/INST] yta - your daughter comes to you and tells you she feels inferior to her sister who is better at everything, so your solution is to...put them in more stuff together? how hard would it have been to explain to taylor that lily wants to do x on her own, and if she (taylor) really wants to, she can do it separately? way to show lily you give a shit about her feelings. </s>
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AITA for showing my missing eye to the new teacher after he told me my bangs are disrespectful?
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i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal.
i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it.
we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!"
so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down.
later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it.
did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita?
-----
| 23,951 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcp73o/aita_for_showing_my_missing_eye_to_the_new/
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2022-06-15 07:48:26
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nta 1000x, you followed his orders. not your fault you only have one eye. plus, if you told him "im missing an eye." we all know his teacher instinct would be to have you prove it anyway lmao.
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nta. ask your head teacher why the new teacher thought it was right to comment on your appearance in the first place (maybe with parents/guardians involved because that’s a horrible way to treat a student). he embarrassed himself — you were just obliging his demand.
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nta. if the new teacher rebuked you publicly for acting disrespectfully, it was on you to rebuke him publicly by complying with his request.
also, consider taking your story to r/maliciouscompliance.
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nta the teacher put you in an awful position. even if you were not missing an eye there are so many viable reasons why someone would want to 'hide behind bangs." that teacher bullied you. yes you should file a complaint. have your parents do it if they are willing to go to bat. that teacher has no business around kids.
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i suggest to involve the parents:
both the teacher and head teacher have been rude and disrespectful.
they need to apologize in public.
nta
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nta. your head teacher should be telling new teachers about issues like this. or, new teachers should not be such jerks.
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nta. teacher could’ve came to you quietly as well, and not called you out in front of class. teacher was arrogant, and he got taught that students may have their reasons.
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nta. the other comments make a lot of good points but also, it’s very disrespectful of the head teacher to say your appearance is “shocking”, no matter the reason. both teachers are acting like asshats. i would make a complaint against both of them.
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nta. he told you to do so.. you did. if you would've told him why you've bangs, i think he wouldn't even believe you.. so... he was the rude one here!
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this reminds me so much of a situation at our school at around grade 8 or so. a schoolmate of ours had cancer and was going through chemo. ergo she was bald and she always wore a hat to school. a teacher told her to take it off (he probably just thought she had short hair). various of us classmates told the teacher he should just leave it
well she then spoke up that she has cancer and would rather not and that luckily shut him up.
i don't get why teachers don't get these things shared by other teachers.
it's kids who have to go through enough, without having to go explain themselves to every new person...
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal. i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it. we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!" so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down. later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it. did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita? -----
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had an accident when i was a baby and i lost my left eye. i don't have an eye socket i could put a fake eye in, it's just normal skin and some scars on a big pach of my face (they reconstructed my face with a later surgery this way). the right side and the bottom half of my face is completely normal. i have big side bangs that hide the left side of my face so i don't freak anyone out and i don't get weird looks. i've been going to the same school since i was 5, so the teachers and the kids know about it. we got a new teacher this week. he started by asking us to go around and introduce ourself. when it got to me, he was rude and asked me "do your parents know you come to school looking like this? it's extremely disrespectful, fix your bangs, i want to see your face!" so i obeyed and tucked my bangs behind my ear, showing the left side of my face. he gasped, his face turned red, my classmates laughed and he told me that i can let my bangs down. later that day, my head teacher came to me to scold me. she told me i was wrong to "shock" the new teacher and i should've just told him about it. did i do anything wrong? i just obeyed his orders, it's not my fault he ended up not wanting to look at my face. aita? ----- [/INST] nta 1000x, you followed his orders. not your fault you only have one eye. plus, if you told him "im missing an eye." we all know his teacher instinct would be to have you prove it anyway lmao. </s>
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AITA for giving my friend a sip of water
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i think i'm perfectly justified, so this feels to me a little like a request for validation, but you can help settle a dispute between me and my son. he called me ta for breaking the hospital rules and giving my friend some sips of water.
she had received nothing to drink or eat for more than 24 hours before surgery, and despite being on iv fluids, her mouth was parched. the rule was "nothing by mouth," but she was begging the nurses for just a sip of water or some ice chips or a wet rag to suck on. if you've ever been in this situation, you know how miserable it is.
because i didn't see how one or two tablespoons of water could hurt, especially as they'd allowed it for her to swallow some pills, i gave her a sip of water a couple of times when the nurse want looking. my son says i am in the wrong for breaking the rules and possibly endangering my friend. i say the rules are overkill. aita?
i'm especially interested in the opinion of medical professionals who can explain to me why my actions were dangerous.
| 5,717 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cb1xnk/aita_for_giving_my_friend_a_sip_of_water/
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2019-07-09 14:56:19
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yta. don't fuck with pre-surgery rules. they exist for a reason. if medical professionals were not giving them water, what makes you think you are qualified to do so?
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yta the reason they tell you not to drink or eat before a surgery is that you can aspirate and vomit up fluids during surgery and this can kill you.
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yta.
you are not medically trained. ask a nurse if they can un-parch his throat with a few splashes of water, don't take it upon yourself to decide what's acceptable.
yikes dude.
"i don't see how..." is a terrible justification here
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yea yta. do you think the nurses enjoy depriving people of food and water??
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yta
i’m gonna trust the medical professionals in their reasoning that the patient shouldn’t have had water.
at minimum you should have told the doctors/nurses you’d given the patient water to make sure the procedure wouldn’t be affected and to be sure they had relevant information.
going without a drink for twenty four hours is uncomfortable, but not dangerous. interfering with a patients procedure prep behind the medical staff’s back absolutely is.
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yta. nothing by mouth exists because of the risk of aspiration pneumonia while a person is under general anesthesia.
while i understand where you were coming from, and while research exists that clear fluids before surgery may not be harmful (and may actually reduce post-operative nausea), you're an asshole for taking it upon yourself to violate the rules of the procedure that the hospital laid out. if they found out, they could have canceled your friends surgery and would have been justified in doing so.
your friend was on iv fluid and wasn't dehydrated, she was just uncomfortable.
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yta
>i didn't see how one or two tablespoons of water could hurt
exactly, you don't see how it can cause problems because you're not a doctor. yet you go ahead and do exactly what they instructed not to do.
???
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yta
those nil-by-mouth rules were given for your friend by people who know what they're talking about. i get that it must have been painful to see your friend in discomfort, but you could have easily jeopardised her care.
these rules are in place because, during surgery, it's possible to vomit, breathe it in and choke to death/drown in it. i think the doctors should have explained *why* they implemented that rule because of its importance, but you should have had the wit to realise that they don't give out rules like that arbitrarily. you decided you knew better and, i'll be honest, your actions risked her life.
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yta. i am a medical professional!!!!! we don't enjoy withholding food/ water. we enjoy it even less when someone lies about having them after the cutoff time then aspirates in surgery and dies. taking certain meds are necessary to keep the patent healthy. meds for blood pressure, diabetes and seizures, among others, must be taken otherwise more serious complications could arise. also we have patients stop taking meds such as blood thinners at least 2-3 weeks ahead of surgery to combat excessive blood loss. however, meds that they have to take are done so with minimal water to reduce the chance of vomiting during surgery.
the worst thing i had to do was accompany the md to tell the family that a routine procedure went south due to the patient having eaten a full meal with drinks beyond our cutoff time and they lied to us in pre-op when questioned about the time they last ate or drank anything. family accused us of malpractice and sued. (they lost) autopsy proved that the vomit and remaining contents of the stomach had to be consumed after the cutoff as they hadn't had time to be fully digested. the family was devastated to find it was totally preventable had they told the truth.
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yta, i don't know the medical condition of the patient or much about the rules but i do know when my dad was brought in he had to be intubated. then when they removed the tube he couldn't have anything by mouth, not even water. i do remember though that the nurse explained he could aspirate the water and that would set his recovery back. if the staff tells you something, it's not for you to take it upon yourself without advanced knowledge and go against them. even if you think you're doing the right thing, you may be doing more harm than good.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i think i'm perfectly justified, so this feels to me a little like a request for validation, but you can help settle a dispute between me and my son. he called me ta for breaking the hospital rules and giving my friend some sips of water. she had received nothing to drink or eat for more than 24 hours before surgery, and despite being on iv fluids, her mouth was parched. the rule was "nothing by mouth," but she was begging the nurses for just a sip of water or some ice chips or a wet rag to suck on. if you've ever been in this situation, you know how miserable it is. because i didn't see how one or two tablespoons of water could hurt, especially as they'd allowed it for her to swallow some pills, i gave her a sip of water a couple of times when the nurse want looking. my son says i am in the wrong for breaking the rules and possibly endangering my friend. i say the rules are overkill. aita? i'm especially interested in the opinion of medical professionals who can explain to me why my actions were dangerous.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i think i'm perfectly justified, so this feels to me a little like a request for validation, but you can help settle a dispute between me and my son. he called me ta for breaking the hospital rules and giving my friend some sips of water. she had received nothing to drink or eat for more than 24 hours before surgery, and despite being on iv fluids, her mouth was parched. the rule was "nothing by mouth," but she was begging the nurses for just a sip of water or some ice chips or a wet rag to suck on. if you've ever been in this situation, you know how miserable it is. because i didn't see how one or two tablespoons of water could hurt, especially as they'd allowed it for her to swallow some pills, i gave her a sip of water a couple of times when the nurse want looking. my son says i am in the wrong for breaking the rules and possibly endangering my friend. i say the rules are overkill. aita? i'm especially interested in the opinion of medical professionals who can explain to me why my actions were dangerous. [/INST] yta. don't fuck with pre-surgery rules. they exist for a reason. if medical professionals were not giving them water, what makes you think you are qualified to do so? </s>
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AITA for not marrying the girl I'm supposed to be and causing major problems for my family?
|
this will sound unbelievable to those not from my country. all i can say is that it is real.
when i was 5, my parents brought my dad’s friend’s daughter x (about 3) to live with me and sister y (7). x’s family was poor and couldn’t support their children (they had 6) so they sent x here because they really trusted my parents.
x, y, and i grew up together, and my parents were awesome to all three of us. i had a lot of fun growing up and i am extremely close to my family.
i’m now 29. three years back, i went abroad for my masters and then went back to my country. there, i met a girl p and we fell in love. i’d like to propose soon and felt like this would be a good time to introduce p to my family (y already knew of her and p just graduated).
this weekend i told my family that i would like for them to meet someone special and set-up a video call. no idea who they were expecting, but when they realized p was my girlfriend, everything just blew up.
apparently, they had already “discussed and arranged” my marriage with x years back, and she was the one i would have to marry. x was aware, her father had told her. cue lots of screaming and yelling, including some choice words from x to p about how she’s a “modern girl” (euphemism in my culture for slut) and how she must be after me for my money (she comes from a richer family). i was just too shocked to react initially.
the next day i told my parents that i look at x as family. they started saying ridiculous things like they’ve never let her into my room (while apparently y was allowed) and drawing all sorts of other parallels between x and y trying to demonstrate why x wasn’t like my sister. they also said stuff like no one can understand me better than x and that she will “keep the family together” while p will “alienate” me from them. they also told me i’m ruining the family.
x also cried nonstop and then shut herself in the room, accusing me of not wanting her only because she was poor amongst other things. she also said no one from her village would marry her now because her family has told everyone back home that she’s going to be marrying me.
my sister was not aware of any of this either.
now – i told x i don’t care that no one will marry her from her village (it is a likely possibility) or that her life is “ruined”. i also told my parents i won’t ruin my life for them to be able to “keep their word”. x’s father is coming to our house once he’s able to (transport restrictions still in place), but he had a long phone call with parents. i’m sure a lot of emotional blackmail is to follow, and i already feel rather guilty about x because she’s a nice girl.
my sister is on my side. but even if my parents cut me off and at the risk of x ruining her life, i am not going to go ahead with this at all. aita?
| 22,666 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hefhgy/aita_for_not_marrying_the_girl_im_supposed_to_be/
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2020-06-23 14:22:39
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nta. although to some extent it sounds like x is a victim here too, so i think saying you "don’t care that no one will marry her from her village" was a bit harsh. she's obviously been given the impression that you were on board with the idea of marrying her.
your parents are at fault here. if they didn't want you to see x as your sister, they probably should have told you that a few decades ago.
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nta for rejecting an arranged marriage. end of story.
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nta. what the fuck is wrong with your parents?! im going to try and not judge the whole "arranged marriage" thing, since it's in your culture or whatever. but since they were planning that for years the least they had to do was to discuss it with you and let you know. they expected you to not like any other girl for 29 years? although that poor girl may expected you to marry her, since her father and your parents have been telling her (and everyone else except you) you owe her nothing. she will eventually get over it and move on, if not, its still not your fault. also, its so weird growing up with someone in the same house as you and your sister and your parents didnt even think that you would see her as family. they didn't even respect p, or the fact that you were in love. they can't contol your life forever and arrange your future (without even giving you a heads up!) . i hope you and p have a great life together and good luck with your control freaks parents.
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nta, you’re almost 30 years old. why the heck hasn’t this been mentioned sooner?!
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this is hard because i don’t understand the culture properly. from my american perspective i say nta you can chose to marry whoever you want.
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nta. if they wanted you to marry this girl, they probably should have told you. you're not psychic. without knowing your parents had promised you to this girl, how can they expect you to make good on it? also, as a male, in most cultures i know about, that means that you are your own person, and no one gets to sell you to their friend's daughter. it definitely sucks for her. she's a victim here, too. but you are absolutely nta.
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nta. your parents are batshit insane to 1: agree to a prearranged marriage for a 5-year old 2: keep that information from you for 24 years. marry where your heart lies.
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nta
i think you probably should have been nicer to x, considering this doesn't sound like her fault, but i'm not going to call you the asshole for that.
your parents, basically raised you with this girl. i know there are cultural differences, but did they really not expect you to consider x like a sister? even if that itself isn't crazy, they definitely should have told you they planned on marrying you off. best case scenario for them, they let you go out into the world, fall in love, and pull the rug from under you.
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nta. you’re 29, you left the country and no one said a word!? i mean, it still wouldn’t be ok, but all these years and no one told you that they basically signed your life away? you are nta. live your life and hopefully they will eventually accept you. and congrats on finding a wonderful person you want to marry.
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nta. idk where you’re from but this type of marriage used to be common in china. it’s called [“little daughter-in-law” marriage](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/tongyangxi).
the wikipedia article specifically states “these marriages were often unsuccessful[citation needed]. this has been explained as a demonstration of the westermarck effect” basically because she was raised as your sister, you won’t have any attraction to her.
they have no business telling you who to marry. i would try to get x on your side and try to help her make a living in another way. she’s your sister after all, one way or another, and a victim of this weird arrangement as well.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this will sound unbelievable to those not from my country. all i can say is that it is real. when i was 5, my parents brought my dad’s friend’s daughter x (about 3) to live with me and sister y (7). x’s family was poor and couldn’t support their children (they had 6) so they sent x here because they really trusted my parents. x, y, and i grew up together, and my parents were awesome to all three of us. i had a lot of fun growing up and i am extremely close to my family. i’m now 29. three years back, i went abroad for my masters and then went back to my country. there, i met a girl p and we fell in love. i’d like to propose soon and felt like this would be a good time to introduce p to my family (y already knew of her and p just graduated). this weekend i told my family that i would like for them to meet someone special and set-up a video call. no idea who they were expecting, but when they realized p was my girlfriend, everything just blew up. apparently, they had already “discussed and arranged” my marriage with x years back, and she was the one i would have to marry. x was aware, her father had told her. cue lots of screaming and yelling, including some choice words from x to p about how she’s a “modern girl” (euphemism in my culture for slut) and how she must be after me for my money (she comes from a richer family). i was just too shocked to react initially. the next day i told my parents that i look at x as family. they started saying ridiculous things like they’ve never let her into my room (while apparently y was allowed) and drawing all sorts of other parallels between x and y trying to demonstrate why x wasn’t like my sister. they also said stuff like no one can understand me better than x and that she will “keep the family together” while p will “alienate” me from them. they also told me i’m ruining the family. x also cried nonstop and then shut herself in the room, accusing me of not wanting her only because she was poor amongst other things. she also said no one from her village would marry her now because her family has told everyone back home that she’s going to be marrying me. my sister was not aware of any of this either. now – i told x i don’t care that no one will marry her from her village (it is a likely possibility) or that her life is “ruined”. i also told my parents i won’t ruin my life for them to be able to “keep their word”. x’s father is coming to our house once he’s able to (transport restrictions still in place), but he had a long phone call with parents. i’m sure a lot of emotional blackmail is to follow, and i already feel rather guilty about x because she’s a nice girl. my sister is on my side. but even if my parents cut me off and at the risk of x ruining her life, i am not going to go ahead with this at all. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this will sound unbelievable to those not from my country. all i can say is that it is real. when i was 5, my parents brought my dad’s friend’s daughter x (about 3) to live with me and sister y (7). x’s family was poor and couldn’t support their children (they had 6) so they sent x here because they really trusted my parents. x, y, and i grew up together, and my parents were awesome to all three of us. i had a lot of fun growing up and i am extremely close to my family. i’m now 29. three years back, i went abroad for my masters and then went back to my country. there, i met a girl p and we fell in love. i’d like to propose soon and felt like this would be a good time to introduce p to my family (y already knew of her and p just graduated). this weekend i told my family that i would like for them to meet someone special and set-up a video call. no idea who they were expecting, but when they realized p was my girlfriend, everything just blew up. apparently, they had already “discussed and arranged” my marriage with x years back, and she was the one i would have to marry. x was aware, her father had told her. cue lots of screaming and yelling, including some choice words from x to p about how she’s a “modern girl” (euphemism in my culture for slut) and how she must be after me for my money (she comes from a richer family). i was just too shocked to react initially. the next day i told my parents that i look at x as family. they started saying ridiculous things like they’ve never let her into my room (while apparently y was allowed) and drawing all sorts of other parallels between x and y trying to demonstrate why x wasn’t like my sister. they also said stuff like no one can understand me better than x and that she will “keep the family together” while p will “alienate” me from them. they also told me i’m ruining the family. x also cried nonstop and then shut herself in the room, accusing me of not wanting her only because she was poor amongst other things. she also said no one from her village would marry her now because her family has told everyone back home that she’s going to be marrying me. my sister was not aware of any of this either. now – i told x i don’t care that no one will marry her from her village (it is a likely possibility) or that her life is “ruined”. i also told my parents i won’t ruin my life for them to be able to “keep their word”. x’s father is coming to our house once he’s able to (transport restrictions still in place), but he had a long phone call with parents. i’m sure a lot of emotional blackmail is to follow, and i already feel rather guilty about x because she’s a nice girl. my sister is on my side. but even if my parents cut me off and at the risk of x ruining her life, i am not going to go ahead with this at all. aita? [/INST] nta. although to some extent it sounds like x is a victim here too, so i think saying you "don’t care that no one will marry her from her village" was a bit harsh. she's obviously been given the impression that you were on board with the idea of marrying her. your parents are at fault here. if they didn't want you to see x as your sister, they probably should have told you that a few decades ago. </s>
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AITA for how I handled my creepy coworker trying to get me to go out with him alone, by pretending it was a group thing?
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i have a coworker, i'll call him keith, who i feel like is starting to cross a line with me, he's always talking about his wife and how awful she is and i'm always tuning him out or telling him i don't wanna hear it because it sounds like some midlife crisis shit where he's trying to have an affair.
last week, he asked me to happy hour. i said maybe, is he getting a group together? he was super vague and dodged the question, saying "we'll see who comes out, you never know with these things, and people having other stuff going on"
i asked if he invited anyone else, ( my spidey senses were tingling), and he said yeah some of the guys on the team. i said cool, who?
he said that he just asked around.
i was getting a super strong feeling he was trying to pretend he tried to plan a group event but ... what a coincidence, only i showed up.
i could have said no i wasn't interested but i honestly was feeling a little petty and wanted to catch him out in a lie.
so i said that i didn't know about going out, it'd be fun to hang out with the group but my dog was feeling sick and i didn't feel good leaving him alone for long.
i then went around to pretty much the whole team and was like "yooo there's a happy hour at paddy's, 5 pm, you coming? keith's planning it, did you already hear about it from him?
and got like 15 people saying keith didn't mention anything to them yet. about 10 of them were down to hang out.
i texted keith to say that my dog seemed okay, my roommate was taking care of him, so i was down to go to happy hour.
so at 5, a whole group made their way to the bar, keith included. i started to drive to the bar and then i "got a text from my roommate that my dog puked in my bed and i had to deal with it" - a white lie.
i guess keith had to go out with a bunch of guys we work with, who thought he'd organized the happy hour. i know he isn't the type to want to hang with coworkers outside of work so i feel like that was a bit of karma for trying to be two faced with me. ending up having to do the thing he was pretending to be doing..
he told me the day later that it was rude of me to invite an additional number of people and then dip out. i said sorry, i thought it was a team happy hour like he was saying, anyway i couldn't make it because my dog was sick .
aita for being petty instead of direct?
| 18,158 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oh0wc6/aita_for_how_i_handled_my_creepy_coworker_trying/
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2021-07-09 17:53:27
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nta - petty? sure, but screw keith. he got exactly what he deserved and hopefully got the message to leave you alone. avoid that ah like the plague. slimy guys like that can be dangerous.
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nta, this is hilarious. but, if his behavior continues you will probably need to be more direct with him and possibly escalate to hr if he becomes angry/aggressive (as i suspect he will).
time to cya - start documenting *everything.* what he says (screenshots of texts/emails), who witnessed him saying it, date and time etc. hopefully he leaves you alone, but if he doesn't, it's best to have as much proof as you can.
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nta. this was a stroke of genius and so well played. hopefully he gets the message but if not i suggest going to hr soon and filing a quiet (non-impactful) complaint to state that keith has been behaving somewhat inappropriately and you are planning on making your disinterest very clear.
this could help you avoid backlash and preps hr to deal with the situation should it escalate.
again, bravo, op. 👏👏👏
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nta. his response makes it look like you were right. otherwise, he should have thanked you for inviting everyone else. you dodged a bullet.
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nta a guy once invited me on a camping trip. told me it was going to be him and a ton of other people, huge group. i wouldn't be able to drive out there with him, since he was going early to reserve all the campsites. so i figured since i was driving out there separately, i'd reserve 2 spots myself and invite a few friends since i wouldn't know anyone else.
when we showed up it was literally just him and he was clearly very shocked to see the other people and was very awkward the whole night.
still get teased by my friends about the time i invited them to my murder.
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r/pettyrevenge nta. he said it was happy hour, that almost always implies a group of people, not just two. all you did was follow up with the rest of the team who’d logically have been at a work happy hour event. if that’s truly what he was after, great. and if that wasn’t what he was after (sounds likely), then he gets to reap the rewards of his lies.
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nta. you weren't petty, you were passive-aggressive, and sometimes that's what the situation requires. anyone who thinks these kind of shenanigans aren't necessary in order to deal with a pest like keith but also continue to work amicably with him until he crosses an hr-worthy line has never been in your shoes.
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nta. it's what he wanted. right? a group gathering. right? is what he got.
he was trying to set you up into a cringe abyss. just imagine your evening if you had gonne on a "accidental date" with him. most def. nta, he needs to be more honest and then maybe things work out for him.
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nta and bravo. i did something similar (but not nearly as cool) when a vaguely creepy coworker asked if i wanted to go to lunch so he could get to know my role better. i couldn't tell if this was professional or a quasi-date\* so i replied, "great! let's have a lunch with the whole team so you can learn about us and our roles!" oddly enough it never came up again.
\*i have no objection to getting lunch with just me and a member of the opposite sex; most of my friends and coworkers are opposite sex. hell, i shared a hotel room at comic-con with my opposite sex bff. i just got a vibe from this guy, and if there's one hard lesson i've learned in life, it's "trust your gut."
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nta - all you did was ask the people he claimed to have invited if they were going, and he ended up having to go to the event he faked planning.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a coworker, i'll call him keith, who i feel like is starting to cross a line with me, he's always talking about his wife and how awful she is and i'm always tuning him out or telling him i don't wanna hear it because it sounds like some midlife crisis shit where he's trying to have an affair. last week, he asked me to happy hour. i said maybe, is he getting a group together? he was super vague and dodged the question, saying "we'll see who comes out, you never know with these things, and people having other stuff going on" i asked if he invited anyone else, ( my spidey senses were tingling), and he said yeah some of the guys on the team. i said cool, who? he said that he just asked around. i was getting a super strong feeling he was trying to pretend he tried to plan a group event but ... what a coincidence, only i showed up. i could have said no i wasn't interested but i honestly was feeling a little petty and wanted to catch him out in a lie. so i said that i didn't know about going out, it'd be fun to hang out with the group but my dog was feeling sick and i didn't feel good leaving him alone for long. i then went around to pretty much the whole team and was like "yooo there's a happy hour at paddy's, 5 pm, you coming? keith's planning it, did you already hear about it from him? and got like 15 people saying keith didn't mention anything to them yet. about 10 of them were down to hang out. i texted keith to say that my dog seemed okay, my roommate was taking care of him, so i was down to go to happy hour. so at 5, a whole group made their way to the bar, keith included. i started to drive to the bar and then i "got a text from my roommate that my dog puked in my bed and i had to deal with it" - a white lie. i guess keith had to go out with a bunch of guys we work with, who thought he'd organized the happy hour. i know he isn't the type to want to hang with coworkers outside of work so i feel like that was a bit of karma for trying to be two faced with me. ending up having to do the thing he was pretending to be doing.. he told me the day later that it was rude of me to invite an additional number of people and then dip out. i said sorry, i thought it was a team happy hour like he was saying, anyway i couldn't make it because my dog was sick . aita for being petty instead of direct?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a coworker, i'll call him keith, who i feel like is starting to cross a line with me, he's always talking about his wife and how awful she is and i'm always tuning him out or telling him i don't wanna hear it because it sounds like some midlife crisis shit where he's trying to have an affair. last week, he asked me to happy hour. i said maybe, is he getting a group together? he was super vague and dodged the question, saying "we'll see who comes out, you never know with these things, and people having other stuff going on" i asked if he invited anyone else, ( my spidey senses were tingling), and he said yeah some of the guys on the team. i said cool, who? he said that he just asked around. i was getting a super strong feeling he was trying to pretend he tried to plan a group event but ... what a coincidence, only i showed up. i could have said no i wasn't interested but i honestly was feeling a little petty and wanted to catch him out in a lie. so i said that i didn't know about going out, it'd be fun to hang out with the group but my dog was feeling sick and i didn't feel good leaving him alone for long. i then went around to pretty much the whole team and was like "yooo there's a happy hour at paddy's, 5 pm, you coming? keith's planning it, did you already hear about it from him? and got like 15 people saying keith didn't mention anything to them yet. about 10 of them were down to hang out. i texted keith to say that my dog seemed okay, my roommate was taking care of him, so i was down to go to happy hour. so at 5, a whole group made their way to the bar, keith included. i started to drive to the bar and then i "got a text from my roommate that my dog puked in my bed and i had to deal with it" - a white lie. i guess keith had to go out with a bunch of guys we work with, who thought he'd organized the happy hour. i know he isn't the type to want to hang with coworkers outside of work so i feel like that was a bit of karma for trying to be two faced with me. ending up having to do the thing he was pretending to be doing.. he told me the day later that it was rude of me to invite an additional number of people and then dip out. i said sorry, i thought it was a team happy hour like he was saying, anyway i couldn't make it because my dog was sick . aita for being petty instead of direct? [/INST] nta - petty? sure, but screw keith. he got exactly what he deserved and hopefully got the message to leave you alone. avoid that ah like the plague. slimy guys like that can be dangerous. </s>
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AITA for trying to test a girls “nerd”
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throw away account.
i (20m)) don’t think i did anything wrong, but my friends are all saying i’m an asshole. so i have a group of friends and we’re quite frankly, nerds. we met this girl i’ll call l two years ago. the other guys all like her, think she’s great and she knows all about things we’re into, but i had a feeling she’s not really one of us. i put up with it for two years, but i can’t shake the feeling. so the last time we were together before quarantine, i decided to test her nerd. she seemed surprised but could answer all my questions, until i got to star trek. i was feeling pretty confident, until she asked me to clarify. apparently i misspoke, and accidentally asked a trick question. my friends all jumped on me accusing me of being an asshole and she didn’t need to pass some test to hangout with them and how i needed to get over it. another friend pointed out that i wasn’t the guardian of the group. i got mad no one was on my side and left. quarantine happened shortly after, and i recently found out they’ve all been chatting with her. i told her i didn’t appreciate her trying to steal my friends. she never replied, but one of my friends bitched at me for a while. i got mad no one was listening to me and said it’s her or me. he said her. none of my other friends have messaged me since.
my brother says i was trying to be king of the nerds and gatekeeping, and should apologize. i don’t think i have anything to apologize for and they should apologize for not hearing me out. so tell me, am i the asshole for just trying to make sure l was actually a nerd like us?
&#x200b;
| 6,140 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1k80o/aita_for_trying_to_test_a_girls_nerd/
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2020-08-01 01:59:02
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yta. you sound like the typical neck beard who would do this kind of stupid shit. everyone else gets along with her. what kind of person tries to “test” someone 2 years after they join the friend group? clearly if she didn’t fit in with the group, everyone else would’ve rejected her.
it sounds like you’re the one that doesn’t fit and can’t socialize normally.
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this behavior is a huge part of why nerd cultures can be so unfriendly to women. it’s gross, and it feels alienating and insulting when it happens to you. she’s been friends with this group for two years but you’re still convinced that she’s faking mutual interests because of a “feeling” you have (gee, i wonder what that feeling is based on). you’re trying to oust an establish member of your group, and you’re being controlling and sexist in the process. she’s not stealing your friends, they’re her friends too and they’re not going to let you pick on her. yta.
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yta - you are so the asshole. this is a major problem in what is now male dominated fandoms (yes, i'm calling sports a fandom). women don't need to know every single thing about a series/game/sport to be a fan/nerd. there is no reason for gatekeeping like this. a lot of men wonder why they can't find women who like the same things they do. this is why. they chase all the women who are moderately interested in it out.
i've got new for you on the star trek portion, buddy. the oldest fans that know the most about this franchise are women. you would not have conventions, message boards, or zines without them. it was considered to be a silly soap opera until men got interested in it. feel grateful these women haven't stripped you of your nerd cred.
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yta.
your behavior in the original post was already something else, but that edit has me in stitches.
>i knew i shouldn’t have posted on here, you guys don’t get it
oh no, we get it. you're an insecure, misogynist neckbeard who has never once had a positive relationship with a woman he wasn't related to in all 20 years of life. as a result, having women in orbit of your friendship triggers your defensive aggression and you feel the need to prove your "superiority" over her as a way to justify *why* you can't have a positive relationship with her or any other women. it's not that you're unlikable, it's that they're not up to your level! problem is, you actually *are* unlikable and your plan backfires by driving away not only the woman who could have been your friend, but all your male friends, too. it's an easy enough situation to understand.
>i am not going to apologize for being suspicious of her intentions
so what exactly are her nefarious intentions here? do you suspect that she's actually a trained spy sent to kill off you and your friends one-by-one after befriending you through many rousing games of d&d? is she a master thief who is here to steal your vast riches? are you all so inhumanely attractive that she would put time and energy into hobbies she doesn't like just for a shot at getting into your pants? give me a break. she's a human being with interests and hobbies and your friends happen to share those interests and hobbies. i've never met her, but i can guarantee that her only intentions are to have friends and fun, two things you are apparently incapable of having.
>and being angry my so-called friends bailed on me for some chick they‘ve only known 2 years.
see, you write it like that because the number two is small, but two years is 730 days. you could also write it as 17,520 hours. in other words, two years is a *long time.* it's more than enough time to form a meaningful friendship with someone. they weren't only *your* friends, they're *her* friends, too. and given that they've been *her* friends for 730 days, she's not just "some chick," she's *their friend*, and you're the asshole that was trying to humiliate her and get her to leave the friend group. it's no wonder they ditched you.
>i was not gatekeeping, i was just trying to make sure she wasn’t trying to be trendy.
you were setting standards she had to pass in order to be considered a "real nerd," so yes, you absolutely *were* gatekeeping. that's the definition. moreover, "trying to be trendy" — meaning you acknowledge that a lot of "nerd" series are popular now, but also you're still salty about them not being as popular when you were back in grade school (which led to you being teased), and your resentment has led to you trying to bully others out of the interests that you think should only belong to you and others that fit your definition of what a "nerd" looks like. well, that's too damn bad. nerd series and interests are indeed popular now, which means they're getting more attention, which means more and more people are discovering how cool these things are. and it really doesn't matter that they only found out about them because they're popular; that doesn't mean their interest is any less legitimate. suck it up and deal with it, or get used to not having friends.
>screw this, i won’t be back.
and just like your former friend group, absolutely no one here will be bothered by this.
**
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yta
as a female who is involved in the nerd culture, boys like you are the absolute worst. and yes, i said boy. because you pull shit like this, you are not acting with the integrity of a man.
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yta, it's gatekeeping, it's pointless and sexist and gross. doesn't improve the fan base, doesn't improve anyone's ability to function outside same.
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yta - your friends are right.
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yta. same attitude that 'women can't be gamers,' or 'women can't enjoy geeky things.' i wear high heels, lipstick, and i can curse you out in klingon. stop being a weird, misogynistic gatekeeper.
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of course yta. why on earth would you try to test someone on how "nerdy" they are? and then you got something wrong anyway? lol at your non-nerdiness!
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yta. don't test your friends. speaking as someone who's been on the other side of this-- it is exhausting not being believed about whether or not you have the interests/talents that you have, and worrying about if you have enough "real street cred" to call yourself a fan of whatever-it-is. if you all have fun hanging out, then she's "nerd enough," whatever that means. your friends can hang out with whoever they want, and if you want this group back you're gonna need to think about what you're doing and apologize to her and them for being ta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account. i (20m)) don’t think i did anything wrong, but my friends are all saying i’m an asshole. so i have a group of friends and we’re quite frankly, nerds. we met this girl i’ll call l two years ago. the other guys all like her, think she’s great and she knows all about things we’re into, but i had a feeling she’s not really one of us. i put up with it for two years, but i can’t shake the feeling. so the last time we were together before quarantine, i decided to test her nerd. she seemed surprised but could answer all my questions, until i got to star trek. i was feeling pretty confident, until she asked me to clarify. apparently i misspoke, and accidentally asked a trick question. my friends all jumped on me accusing me of being an asshole and she didn’t need to pass some test to hangout with them and how i needed to get over it. another friend pointed out that i wasn’t the guardian of the group. i got mad no one was on my side and left. quarantine happened shortly after, and i recently found out they’ve all been chatting with her. i told her i didn’t appreciate her trying to steal my friends. she never replied, but one of my friends bitched at me for a while. i got mad no one was listening to me and said it’s her or me. he said her. none of my other friends have messaged me since. my brother says i was trying to be king of the nerds and gatekeeping, and should apologize. i don’t think i have anything to apologize for and they should apologize for not hearing me out. so tell me, am i the asshole for just trying to make sure l was actually a nerd like us? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away account. i (20m)) don’t think i did anything wrong, but my friends are all saying i’m an asshole. so i have a group of friends and we’re quite frankly, nerds. we met this girl i’ll call l two years ago. the other guys all like her, think she’s great and she knows all about things we’re into, but i had a feeling she’s not really one of us. i put up with it for two years, but i can’t shake the feeling. so the last time we were together before quarantine, i decided to test her nerd. she seemed surprised but could answer all my questions, until i got to star trek. i was feeling pretty confident, until she asked me to clarify. apparently i misspoke, and accidentally asked a trick question. my friends all jumped on me accusing me of being an asshole and she didn’t need to pass some test to hangout with them and how i needed to get over it. another friend pointed out that i wasn’t the guardian of the group. i got mad no one was on my side and left. quarantine happened shortly after, and i recently found out they’ve all been chatting with her. i told her i didn’t appreciate her trying to steal my friends. she never replied, but one of my friends bitched at me for a while. i got mad no one was listening to me and said it’s her or me. he said her. none of my other friends have messaged me since. my brother says i was trying to be king of the nerds and gatekeeping, and should apologize. i don’t think i have anything to apologize for and they should apologize for not hearing me out. so tell me, am i the asshole for just trying to make sure l was actually a nerd like us? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. you sound like the typical neck beard who would do this kind of stupid shit. everyone else gets along with her. what kind of person tries to “test” someone 2 years after they join the friend group? clearly if she didn’t fit in with the group, everyone else would’ve rejected her. it sounds like you’re the one that doesn’t fit and can’t socialize normally. </s>
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AITA for telling my ex he was very inconsiderate of our daughters when he found out the gender of his new child with his wife?
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my ex and i separated about 4 years ago now. we have a 7 year old and a 5 year old girls. he has a son from a previous marriage that he has full custody of, he is 10.
he’s been remarried for 3 years now. i recently got married and welcomed a son last year. well i dropped the girls off to their dad for a gender reveal party. ex and his wife are expecting.
well i was watching the live video on facebook and it was a boy. he said “thank god, thank god” then he said “i didn’t want anymore girls. i would have shot myself” my girls were standing there and that looked at the camera and i could see it in their eyes that his words had hurt them.
i went to pick my girls up and i told him he should watch his words around the girls because when he said that it really hurt their feelings. he told me it was none of my business and i was trying to ruin his happiness. to which i responded that i was not trying to do that but protect our daughters for never feeling adequate when it comes to their brothers and he was showing blatant favoritism. he got mad and spewed some nasty names at me. i took the girls home and they told me that their daddy only loves boys and he doesn’t like girls.
i calmed them down. aita for bringing it up to him on their special day?
| 21,895 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lzb22o/aita_for_telling_my_ex_he_was_very_inconsiderate/
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2021-03-06 21:02:05
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nta
i'd be tempted to isolate a clip of his "oh thank god, i would shoot myself if it was a girl" and send it to him.
he sounds gross.
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if this happened, he is a total ta. nta.
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nta - that’s so sad for the girls. reading your other comment, he will 100% favor the boys over them. get them into therapy or see if you can adjust the custody agreement (if he actually does end up treating them differently) because that’s going to cause some serious issues within them.
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nta. oh god he was one of those men. ew. i’m so sorry. and i think it would be in the girls’ best interest to limit their time with/exposure to this man. they were right when they said he doesn’t like them. you were right to bring it up right away. he ruined their enjoyment of a special day with his hateful words.
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nta. what an absolutely terrible thing to say.
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nta and honestly, do you think you have any chance at full custody? i hate to imagine his girls growing up watching him love his new son more than he has ever seemed to love them...
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the thing is that people who aren’t the worst, like he is, can accept feedback without it ruining their day. like imagine a man who said “you’re right, i got carried away and didn’t think about it. i’ll make sure to take them out for ice cream and tell them how special they are to me. i’ll tell them it is my excitement about a new experience not about their brother being more special to me. thanks for looking out.” that’s what someone who wants to do the right thing but slipped up would say.
your ex got his day ruined because he doesn’t care about other people’s feelings and can’t handle criticism. nta
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nta. he shouldn’t be having kids if there’s a 50% chance he won’t want anything to do with them.
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and don’t cover for him with your daughters (“daddy didn’t mean it” etc). they know what they heard, not acknowledging it will only hurt them more. “i don’t know why daddy said something so mean” might be a better response.
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nta. oh my god what an ah your ex is! i don’t think the girls will ever forget that moment. give them extra hugs; they deserve it; plus possible therapy. that ex is a toxic man. maybe you should revisit custody issues with him
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i separated about 4 years ago now. we have a 7 year old and a 5 year old girls. he has a son from a previous marriage that he has full custody of, he is 10. he’s been remarried for 3 years now. i recently got married and welcomed a son last year. well i dropped the girls off to their dad for a gender reveal party. ex and his wife are expecting. well i was watching the live video on facebook and it was a boy. he said “thank god, thank god” then he said “i didn’t want anymore girls. i would have shot myself” my girls were standing there and that looked at the camera and i could see it in their eyes that his words had hurt them. i went to pick my girls up and i told him he should watch his words around the girls because when he said that it really hurt their feelings. he told me it was none of my business and i was trying to ruin his happiness. to which i responded that i was not trying to do that but protect our daughters for never feeling adequate when it comes to their brothers and he was showing blatant favoritism. he got mad and spewed some nasty names at me. i took the girls home and they told me that their daddy only loves boys and he doesn’t like girls. i calmed them down. aita for bringing it up to him on their special day?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i separated about 4 years ago now. we have a 7 year old and a 5 year old girls. he has a son from a previous marriage that he has full custody of, he is 10. he’s been remarried for 3 years now. i recently got married and welcomed a son last year. well i dropped the girls off to their dad for a gender reveal party. ex and his wife are expecting. well i was watching the live video on facebook and it was a boy. he said “thank god, thank god” then he said “i didn’t want anymore girls. i would have shot myself” my girls were standing there and that looked at the camera and i could see it in their eyes that his words had hurt them. i went to pick my girls up and i told him he should watch his words around the girls because when he said that it really hurt their feelings. he told me it was none of my business and i was trying to ruin his happiness. to which i responded that i was not trying to do that but protect our daughters for never feeling adequate when it comes to their brothers and he was showing blatant favoritism. he got mad and spewed some nasty names at me. i took the girls home and they told me that their daddy only loves boys and he doesn’t like girls. i calmed them down. aita for bringing it up to him on their special day? [/INST] nta i'd be tempted to isolate a clip of his "oh thank god, i would shoot myself if it was a girl" and send it to him. he sounds gross. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she could hold her grandchild at my funeral
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so. i (28 f) cannot have kids without death or serious injury and passionately do not want them. nor does my husband. and no, before anyone assumes we're kid-hating monsters, we don't dislike kids. we have a combined total of 8 nieces and nephews. all of whom we love dearly... they just can't live in our house.
my mother, bless her heart, is currently infected with baby rabies. her friends keep getting grandkids and the best i'm willing to do is dogs. yesterday, i was talking on the phone with my mom and she "casually" brings up how nice it would be to have a baby around.
now. i have a policy for people trying to pry about my reproductive affairs. and that policy is to make them as unfreakingcomfortable as i can so they never ask again. my mom has never been on the receiving end but she has seen me do it. the first time i'm like "nah, too much work and they don't even get cute for like 3 years. puppies are born cute and stay cute."
but she kept pressing saying things like "dogs won't love you like kids do." and here's where i may be ta. i snapped and said "well, if you want a baby that bad i can make sure to put it in my will that you can hold it through my funeral."
my mom just made a noise like a mouse being stepped on and hung up on me. she now is refusing to answer any of my text messages about anything. i might have over reacted, just a little. and she is my mom. so. aita?
| 22,303 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mrenon/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_could_hold_her/
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2021-04-15 13:28:05
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nta
you tried handling this with tact. your mother pursued the topic and you told her exactly what would happen should you decide to ever have children: you would die.
i don’t see what she has to complain about when there are 8 other children running around. why does she need a baby from you?
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im on the same boat as you so i am going with a firm nta. what is it with people not respecting someone's choice on not having kids.
just because we are made to reproduce does not mean we should have to.
the thing i hate most about people who don't accept the no are those who say 'oh you are young wait for your biological clock to kick' as if saying ok barb whatever u say.
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i'm going with nta on this. yes, it was over the top, but i salute your willingness to commit to something like that. she's your mom and she's seen you deal with this in the past, so i don't get how/why she would think it would go any other way. and why she'd twist the knife into you for something that more than likely hurt like hell when you learned it.
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nta and i appreciate your tactics! beautiful. your mum was way out of line. i hate that you have to quantify you're not a kid hating monster just because you don't want your own. a choice is a choice. good for you! hope your mum apologises.
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nta. assuming your mom knows about your medical condition, her pressuring you to risk your own life for the sake of her getting a grandchild is monstrous. does she really care that little about whether or not you live or die?
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ergh, i feel your pain i nearly died giving birth to my baby and was told not to have anymore as its very likely i won't make it and my mil keeps asking " when's the next one, its a shame to leave ' beep' without a sibling..."
it's so freaking rude and it's no one's business but yours if you want kids.
what if you did want kids and where heart broken over not being able too, it's cruel for anyone to mention kids to a couple when they don't know people personal health and even worse because you mum does and if she some how managed to change your mind about kids you could fie because of it.
your nta
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nta. with everything you've said here about your mother your comment makes sense. your mother is willing to risk your death in order to get a biological grandchild. i'm surprised you are still talking to her.
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nta babies rabies had me laughing my ass off. and you’re right she most likely won’t bring up babies again. hopefully she finally understands she’s being a asshole by not dropping this subject. good luck
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lmao nta
she needs to stop prying into your choices.
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nta. also child free here, for medical reasons.
people that push past the initial "no" *do not stop* until they are embarassed with their question. you absolutely should not have to trot out your reasons and explain health-wise all the gruesome dangerous ways you could risk your health and potentially damage a developing baby or invite a stillbirth, just so someone will shut up and respect your bodily autonomy.
but god. so often it's the only solution.
so, nta. you taught her to respect no as an answer, and she's ta for pushing you to the point of having to shut her down in that way.
people love to ask "oh, why?" after a simple "no" or even "no, it's not medically safe for me" so when people continue to ask why i've defaulted to "it ends up bringing down the mood for everyone around when i'm forced to explain why having children would be a bad idea for me. it's usually easiest if people respect my decisions and we move on to talk about something else."
the mood still gets tense, but it shuts down the topic and points out to the other person that it was due to *them* not respecting the initial answer.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so. i (28 f) cannot have kids without death or serious injury and passionately do not want them. nor does my husband. and no, before anyone assumes we're kid-hating monsters, we don't dislike kids. we have a combined total of 8 nieces and nephews. all of whom we love dearly... they just can't live in our house. my mother, bless her heart, is currently infected with baby rabies. her friends keep getting grandkids and the best i'm willing to do is dogs. yesterday, i was talking on the phone with my mom and she "casually" brings up how nice it would be to have a baby around. now. i have a policy for people trying to pry about my reproductive affairs. and that policy is to make them as unfreakingcomfortable as i can so they never ask again. my mom has never been on the receiving end but she has seen me do it. the first time i'm like "nah, too much work and they don't even get cute for like 3 years. puppies are born cute and stay cute." but she kept pressing saying things like "dogs won't love you like kids do." and here's where i may be ta. i snapped and said "well, if you want a baby that bad i can make sure to put it in my will that you can hold it through my funeral." my mom just made a noise like a mouse being stepped on and hung up on me. she now is refusing to answer any of my text messages about anything. i might have over reacted, just a little. and she is my mom. so. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so. i (28 f) cannot have kids without death or serious injury and passionately do not want them. nor does my husband. and no, before anyone assumes we're kid-hating monsters, we don't dislike kids. we have a combined total of 8 nieces and nephews. all of whom we love dearly... they just can't live in our house. my mother, bless her heart, is currently infected with baby rabies. her friends keep getting grandkids and the best i'm willing to do is dogs. yesterday, i was talking on the phone with my mom and she "casually" brings up how nice it would be to have a baby around. now. i have a policy for people trying to pry about my reproductive affairs. and that policy is to make them as unfreakingcomfortable as i can so they never ask again. my mom has never been on the receiving end but she has seen me do it. the first time i'm like "nah, too much work and they don't even get cute for like 3 years. puppies are born cute and stay cute." but she kept pressing saying things like "dogs won't love you like kids do." and here's where i may be ta. i snapped and said "well, if you want a baby that bad i can make sure to put it in my will that you can hold it through my funeral." my mom just made a noise like a mouse being stepped on and hung up on me. she now is refusing to answer any of my text messages about anything. i might have over reacted, just a little. and she is my mom. so. aita? [/INST] nta you tried handling this with tact. your mother pursued the topic and you told her exactly what would happen should you decide to ever have children: you would die. i don’t see what she has to complain about when there are 8 other children running around. why does she need a baby from you? </s>
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AITA for walking out of a practice after my substitute swim coach told me I couldn't?
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for some background, i (15f) have been swimming competitively for a club team for a little over 7 years, which means i know every coach very well and have been coached by almost all of them at some point.
i also work for the swim team and teach swim lessons to the younger kids. this is an official job; i have a work permit and receive consistent pay for teaching these lessons. i teach swim lessons for the team twice a week. the lessons are scheduled to start 10 minutes after my practice gets done, so if i am coaching, i typically get out of practice about 5-10 minutes early so i can shower and change (these are older kids so i don't have to be in the water with them). my supervisor likes us to be a few minutes early, and i also like to look presentable at least and be a good role model to the younger kids.
the other day, my current coach (30-ish m) wasn't able to make our practice, which doesn't happen very often. instead of cancelling practice, another one of the coaches (50-ish f) took his place. we all knew this coach very well and i personally had her as a coach for three and a half years. she had a lot of experience and was constantly going to conventions to learn how to coach her swimmers better.
my typical coach is very aware that i leave early on these days as it has been going on for several weeks. when i saw we had the other coach for the day, i immediately went up to her and told her i would be getting out early. she replied by saying 10 minutes was plenty of time; i tried to explain that the job *started* in ten minutes and i needed to be there early, but she insisted that 10 minutes was enough.
at this point in my life, saving up for a car, i prioritized my job over athletics, and decided i would be leaving when i needed to no matter what she said. about ten minutes early, i got out of the pool and put my equipment away. the substitute coach stopped me and told me to get back in the pool and finish the current set (which would be ending a few minutes after practice should end, actually). i repeated myself, telling her that i had to leave to get ready for work, but she told me again to put my cap back on.
i then proceeded to tell her how i admired her as a coach; she was always learning new coaching techniques, and she had so much experience and knowledge, but i needed to leave. i calmly stated that my job isn't optional, and that my supervisor expected me to be there early. even after all this, she was still upset and told me to get back in the pool. i firmly said that i was not asking for permission, i was *telling* her i was leaving, and then walked out. she was gone by the time i returned to the pool deck to begin work.
i have never stood up to an adult like that, and i'm wondering if i made the right decision. i don't want her to tell my normal coach and have him be upset either. aita?
| 19,775 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n51hj9/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_practice_after_my/
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2021-05-04 23:28:26
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nta. you handled this like an adult would. you have a priority obligation and they weren't being respectful of your time and stated needs, substituting their own supposition over your experience of being in this exact situation before. while there may be fall out, you did what you were supposed to.
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nta. you're a higher schooler and you have a stronger spine than most adults. you're doing amazing, honey.
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nta
good for you. you honored your work commitment. and you went about it a really good way by starting with a compliment. its a management technique to help bad news go down better. it didn't work out, but its great at difusing anger.
if you need too talk to your usual coach and let them know what happened. but you are fine.
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nta
professional career always comes first over hobbies. you just happen to have overlap between the two. until you're a sponsored athlete, swimming competitions will stay in the hobby category.
you stood up for yourself politely, but firmly, which is good. the sub coach was power tripping, because this is an after school activity. you are choosing to be there because you want to be. she cannot make you do anything, she's simply there to guide your training.
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nta - she was being unreasonable but you need to tell your coach and explain to him how you tried to explain it to her. most likely she’ll tell him and say you were being insubordinate
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nta - this is like a textbook lesson on how to stand up for yourself. most people can't respond this well to a reasonable request. nice job.
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nta of course. here’s a piece of advice for the next time you see that same coach: go right up to her and ask for some advice on a technical swimming issue.
it’s interpersonal ju-jitsu. she will be coming to your next meeting, thinking things like, “how do i re-establish authority, should i try to punish her, will she gossip about this or cause trouble with others, will it be awkward between us, etc”
by asking her advice on something technical you are basically saying, “our last interaction is not up for discussion - i’m don’t feel sorry, i’m not apologizing, and i’m not accepting your authority there. but i am accepting your authority in the pool, and i’m good with our relationship there — things aren’t going to be weird, and i’m not going to cause trouble with others.” this also makes it difficult for her to say no since coaching is her purpose for being there, and it mentally snaps her back to what is most comfortable and natural. then it is hard to re-open conflict with someone you just helped.
you want to do this fairly quickly when you see her, to head off her trying to give you some sort of punishment, and to stop her getting some negative emotions worked up.
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nta, youd told her, and i believe if your original coach thinks it's fine then it shouldn't be an issue
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nta - well done. you walked that line of being as respectful as possible, while remaining firm about what you had to do.
it would be a good idea to touch base with your regular coach about what happened, just to make sure he hears your side of events. adults often pull rank over teenagers when the adults are upset, and other adults usually take that at face value unless you reach out to make sure you're heard.
that being said, you've handled this quite well. these are all skills that will stand you in good stead in work situations to come, and all the best to you saving up for your first car.
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nta, it's like she was on some weird power trip. you did great.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for some background, i (15f) have been swimming competitively for a club team for a little over 7 years, which means i know every coach very well and have been coached by almost all of them at some point. i also work for the swim team and teach swim lessons to the younger kids. this is an official job; i have a work permit and receive consistent pay for teaching these lessons. i teach swim lessons for the team twice a week. the lessons are scheduled to start 10 minutes after my practice gets done, so if i am coaching, i typically get out of practice about 5-10 minutes early so i can shower and change (these are older kids so i don't have to be in the water with them). my supervisor likes us to be a few minutes early, and i also like to look presentable at least and be a good role model to the younger kids. the other day, my current coach (30-ish m) wasn't able to make our practice, which doesn't happen very often. instead of cancelling practice, another one of the coaches (50-ish f) took his place. we all knew this coach very well and i personally had her as a coach for three and a half years. she had a lot of experience and was constantly going to conventions to learn how to coach her swimmers better. my typical coach is very aware that i leave early on these days as it has been going on for several weeks. when i saw we had the other coach for the day, i immediately went up to her and told her i would be getting out early. she replied by saying 10 minutes was plenty of time; i tried to explain that the job *started* in ten minutes and i needed to be there early, but she insisted that 10 minutes was enough. at this point in my life, saving up for a car, i prioritized my job over athletics, and decided i would be leaving when i needed to no matter what she said. about ten minutes early, i got out of the pool and put my equipment away. the substitute coach stopped me and told me to get back in the pool and finish the current set (which would be ending a few minutes after practice should end, actually). i repeated myself, telling her that i had to leave to get ready for work, but she told me again to put my cap back on. i then proceeded to tell her how i admired her as a coach; she was always learning new coaching techniques, and she had so much experience and knowledge, but i needed to leave. i calmly stated that my job isn't optional, and that my supervisor expected me to be there early. even after all this, she was still upset and told me to get back in the pool. i firmly said that i was not asking for permission, i was *telling* her i was leaving, and then walked out. she was gone by the time i returned to the pool deck to begin work. i have never stood up to an adult like that, and i'm wondering if i made the right decision. i don't want her to tell my normal coach and have him be upset either. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for some background, i (15f) have been swimming competitively for a club team for a little over 7 years, which means i know every coach very well and have been coached by almost all of them at some point. i also work for the swim team and teach swim lessons to the younger kids. this is an official job; i have a work permit and receive consistent pay for teaching these lessons. i teach swim lessons for the team twice a week. the lessons are scheduled to start 10 minutes after my practice gets done, so if i am coaching, i typically get out of practice about 5-10 minutes early so i can shower and change (these are older kids so i don't have to be in the water with them). my supervisor likes us to be a few minutes early, and i also like to look presentable at least and be a good role model to the younger kids. the other day, my current coach (30-ish m) wasn't able to make our practice, which doesn't happen very often. instead of cancelling practice, another one of the coaches (50-ish f) took his place. we all knew this coach very well and i personally had her as a coach for three and a half years. she had a lot of experience and was constantly going to conventions to learn how to coach her swimmers better. my typical coach is very aware that i leave early on these days as it has been going on for several weeks. when i saw we had the other coach for the day, i immediately went up to her and told her i would be getting out early. she replied by saying 10 minutes was plenty of time; i tried to explain that the job *started* in ten minutes and i needed to be there early, but she insisted that 10 minutes was enough. at this point in my life, saving up for a car, i prioritized my job over athletics, and decided i would be leaving when i needed to no matter what she said. about ten minutes early, i got out of the pool and put my equipment away. the substitute coach stopped me and told me to get back in the pool and finish the current set (which would be ending a few minutes after practice should end, actually). i repeated myself, telling her that i had to leave to get ready for work, but she told me again to put my cap back on. i then proceeded to tell her how i admired her as a coach; she was always learning new coaching techniques, and she had so much experience and knowledge, but i needed to leave. i calmly stated that my job isn't optional, and that my supervisor expected me to be there early. even after all this, she was still upset and told me to get back in the pool. i firmly said that i was not asking for permission, i was *telling* her i was leaving, and then walked out. she was gone by the time i returned to the pool deck to begin work. i have never stood up to an adult like that, and i'm wondering if i made the right decision. i don't want her to tell my normal coach and have him be upset either. aita? [/INST] nta. you handled this like an adult would. you have a priority obligation and they weren't being respectful of your time and stated needs, substituting their own supposition over your experience of being in this exact situation before. while there may be fall out, you did what you were supposed to. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my wife to break our agreement involving our cat?
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my wife and i have been together for 6 years, married for 2. 3 years ago we got a cat because my wife really wanted one. i agreed that she could get the cat only if she took care of all the chores related to the cat and if the cat’s expenses came out of her spending money. (we have a joint account that most of our money goes into, but we have separate accounts for “fun money.”) she agreed to these terms and we got the cat.
my wife is now 2 months pregnant (bad timing, i know) and she’s telling me that i have to take over litter-box duty for the cat. she says that exposure to the litter-box is bad for the baby, but i think she’s exaggerating. i don’t understand how cleaning it could effect the baby as long as she’s not eating the litter or sticking her face right into it. i think she’s just trying to get out of this chore because it’s her least favorite.
anyway, i told her that the agreement was clear when we got the cat and that it was unfair to expect me to take over the cat chores when she is the one who wanted the cat. she got really mad but eventually gave up. now she cleans the litter box while wearing gloves and a mask (that we owned from before all of this). the argument came back up yesterday because we’re running out of masks and there’s no way we will be able to get new ones. my wife is insisting that i’m being an asshole for not taking over this chore, while i think that she’s an asshole for going back on our deal.
so who is the asshole here?
| 4,544 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/frugzg/aita_for_not_allowing_my_wife_to_break_our/
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2020-03-30 16:55:31
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yta. toxoplasmosis is dangerous to the fetus. you need to take care of the litter from now on. you have access to the internet. look it up.
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yta, a quick google search would tell you that it's recommended pregnant women don't clean a cat's litterbox. but you *think* she's exaggerating, so that's okay. why would you not look into this?
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yta. who the fuck cares about some stupid deal when the health of your wife and unborn child are at risk. shit you suck here.
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“i think that my wife should’ve thought of this before we got the cat, it seems irresponsible to have a cat when you’re planning on getting pregnant.”
so you’d rather be childless so she can continue cleaning the box?
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yta and your edit sucks. she shouldn't have gotten a cat 3 years ago in preparation for being pregnant? is she your own personal incubator that needs to ignore her own wants and desires just so you can have a baby? goodness, i wish men could get pregnant...
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[removed]
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yta. if you had actually looked up what she was telling you instead of assuming she was lying, you’d see she was telling the truth. while it’s rare, you can get toxoplasmosis from scooping cat litter, and it can kill an unborn baby. suck it up and clean the litter box for a few months.
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yta absolutely. your wife is pregnant and asking you to take over one minor chore temporarily because she’s uncomfortable based on her understanding of medical research. it’s not always about agreeing with the logic behind a request, but being supportive of your partner when a reasonable request is made.
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>she says that exposure to the litter-box is bad for the baby, but i think she’s exaggerating.
>anyway, i told her that the agreement was clear when we got the cat and that it was unfair to expect me to take over the cat chores when she is the one who wanted the cat. she got really mad but eventually gave up.
>i think that my wife should’ve thought of this before we got the cat, it seems irresponsible to have a cat when you’re planning on getting pregnant.
somethimes i don't understand why there are so many jokes about unhappy people in marriages. i never get to that point, everything is great.
and then i see a post like this.
your wife was completely right and she couldn't get you to understand. how freaking helpless must that feel like? she gave up on and did something that would harm her baby (that's apparantly wanted) in order to stop arguing with you. reflect on that.
this makes you look like a wall. it took internet strangers for you to understand that this is actually dangerous. why? i value my partners opinion over that of internet strangers.
is this a habit of yours? are there more scenario's where you don't belief your wife but then you discuss it with your dad (for instance) and you change your mind because other people are understanding of your wife's point of view?
i honestly couldn't live like that. seems extremely lonely and miserable. and i would probably feel useless. the most important person in my life is the one who respects me the least.
and then i understand the miserable marriage jokes.
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yta - even your edit sounds like an asshole. also, not sure if you’re aware but it takes two people to get pregnant so that’s also partially your fault (given you make it sound like it was hers)
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have been together for 6 years, married for 2. 3 years ago we got a cat because my wife really wanted one. i agreed that she could get the cat only if she took care of all the chores related to the cat and if the cat’s expenses came out of her spending money. (we have a joint account that most of our money goes into, but we have separate accounts for “fun money.”) she agreed to these terms and we got the cat. my wife is now 2 months pregnant (bad timing, i know) and she’s telling me that i have to take over litter-box duty for the cat. she says that exposure to the litter-box is bad for the baby, but i think she’s exaggerating. i don’t understand how cleaning it could effect the baby as long as she’s not eating the litter or sticking her face right into it. i think she’s just trying to get out of this chore because it’s her least favorite. anyway, i told her that the agreement was clear when we got the cat and that it was unfair to expect me to take over the cat chores when she is the one who wanted the cat. she got really mad but eventually gave up. now she cleans the litter box while wearing gloves and a mask (that we owned from before all of this). the argument came back up yesterday because we’re running out of masks and there’s no way we will be able to get new ones. my wife is insisting that i’m being an asshole for not taking over this chore, while i think that she’s an asshole for going back on our deal. so who is the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been together for 6 years, married for 2. 3 years ago we got a cat because my wife really wanted one. i agreed that she could get the cat only if she took care of all the chores related to the cat and if the cat’s expenses came out of her spending money. (we have a joint account that most of our money goes into, but we have separate accounts for “fun money.”) she agreed to these terms and we got the cat. my wife is now 2 months pregnant (bad timing, i know) and she’s telling me that i have to take over litter-box duty for the cat. she says that exposure to the litter-box is bad for the baby, but i think she’s exaggerating. i don’t understand how cleaning it could effect the baby as long as she’s not eating the litter or sticking her face right into it. i think she’s just trying to get out of this chore because it’s her least favorite. anyway, i told her that the agreement was clear when we got the cat and that it was unfair to expect me to take over the cat chores when she is the one who wanted the cat. she got really mad but eventually gave up. now she cleans the litter box while wearing gloves and a mask (that we owned from before all of this). the argument came back up yesterday because we’re running out of masks and there’s no way we will be able to get new ones. my wife is insisting that i’m being an asshole for not taking over this chore, while i think that she’s an asshole for going back on our deal. so who is the asshole here? [/INST] yta. toxoplasmosis is dangerous to the fetus. you need to take care of the litter from now on. you have access to the internet. look it up. </s>
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AITA for leaving my husband at the clinic and driving off?
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hello!
i f26 have been together with my husband austin m35 for 3 years. he wes married before me but divorced his ex wife because she couldn't have kids.
eversince i became pregnant he did a complate 180°, he became obsessed by constantly watching my every move and breathing down my neck. he even hung photos of the sonogram!. he also came up with a list of what i'm allowed and not allowed to do, like not driving, not eating certain foods, not working but i stood my ground and continued working, also not wear high heels or watch certain shows or see family unless percausions were taken. it has been exhausting for me already but he has made it 10x worse.
yesterday, he woke me up at 7am and said we had to go to the doctor, i asked why since i wasn't feeling sick and he said he just had a hunch and i had to skip work and go with him to the appointment just to make sure because he felt something was wrong. i said no but he went and called my boss and took the day off for me. i was just speechless but decided to just go to get it over with. we got there after he kept scolding me for things i did the night before that mightve caused a problem- but literally there was no problem. the doctor told us that but he asked her to check again and she did, he then asked her to check again then again...i couldn't take it when he asked her again, i just got up, took my bag and walked out and left him arguing with the doc. i got into the car and went home immediately. he kept calling then came home and started yelling at me for leaving in the middle of my "examination" and then leaving him at the clinic. i blew upand told him i couldn't stand his obsession anymore and that his paranoia made me feel paranoid and is beginning to affect my social life, mental and physical health and my livelihood. he looked at me then said that i hurt him with what i said and that he was just trying to make sure the baby was fine and i was being aggressive and irresponsible towards him and the baby this entire time, he said i was acting like a neglectful mother when the baby isn't even here yet then left and turned his phone off. this morning he's acting distant and is expecting some sort of a apology for what i did.
aita am i overreacting?
| 21,211 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tpiubo/aita_for_leaving_my_husband_at_the_clinic_and/
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2022-03-27 12:23:24
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nta. wow. ummmm....sweetie, that man is unhinged. there is something seriously wrong with him, and you need to go somewhere safe immediately. he needs mental help, and you need a restraining order and a safe place to hide. if he is this bad before the baby gets here, he is going to be completely out of control once the child is here. leave now and don't look back. you are not safe.
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nta. look, you are not in a safe or healthy situation. are there relatives or friends you can stay with? you need to get away from this guy. things are going to escalate very badly.
this isn't a case of some poor guy being overanxious. this is a case of a man who is made of red flags and does not value people other than for what he wants to get out of them. that includes you. and his ex. his ex had no value because he couldn't get what he wanted from her. you have no value other than providing the thing he wants from you, so he's treating you like an appliance, not a person with needs and a career. that is going to get far worse from here.
you need to get out.
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leave him leave him leave him
top comment is absolutely correct, he only sees you as an incubator.
girl…he left his last wife because she couldn’t have children. that is a red fucking banner. and all of this controlling shit on top of it?
leave. him. yesterday.
nta
edit to add: i forgot about contest mode so it def wasn’t the top comment, just the one i saw at the top lol but my point still stands!
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[removed]
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nta. your husband needs to see a mental health professional
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nta.
this behavior could possibly go deeper than just a personality trait. i hope he seeks help. i've seen paranoia manifest into dangerous situations and loved ones being on the wrong side of it.
he has obsessive thoughts and now he is beginning to compulsively act on them due to the paranoia. please consult a doctor.
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nta. leave now. this guy is an insane control freak who views you as an incubator, not a person or partner.
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nta but you need to get out of there before the baby arrives. that’s next level controlling behaviour. i don’t even know you and i’m scared for you and your kid.
he’s treating you like an incubator and will probably treat the kid like property as well. he’s isolating you, interfering with your career and not even listening to doctors. if you stay, you‘ll soon enough be completely dependent on him and isolated from anyone who could help you get out.
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the only reason he's with you is your womb. you're nothing to this man but a carrier for his young. does he already have a gender preference?
you're wasting your 20s on this man. he targetted you for the sole purpose to breed you like livestock, have you raise the produce, then very likely discard you when you fail to follow his demands, have fertility issues or menopause. the age gap is a sign.
you're not overreacting. you're underreacting. quit falling for his manipulation and you're nta.
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nta, he’s incredibly controlling and the fact he left his first wife because she couldn’t have kids and his obsession with the baby is… weird to say something. i think you need to be away from him, for your safety.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello! i f26 have been together with my husband austin m35 for 3 years. he wes married before me but divorced his ex wife because she couldn't have kids. eversince i became pregnant he did a complate 180°, he became obsessed by constantly watching my every move and breathing down my neck. he even hung photos of the sonogram!. he also came up with a list of what i'm allowed and not allowed to do, like not driving, not eating certain foods, not working but i stood my ground and continued working, also not wear high heels or watch certain shows or see family unless percausions were taken. it has been exhausting for me already but he has made it 10x worse. yesterday, he woke me up at 7am and said we had to go to the doctor, i asked why since i wasn't feeling sick and he said he just had a hunch and i had to skip work and go with him to the appointment just to make sure because he felt something was wrong. i said no but he went and called my boss and took the day off for me. i was just speechless but decided to just go to get it over with. we got there after he kept scolding me for things i did the night before that mightve caused a problem- but literally there was no problem. the doctor told us that but he asked her to check again and she did, he then asked her to check again then again...i couldn't take it when he asked her again, i just got up, took my bag and walked out and left him arguing with the doc. i got into the car and went home immediately. he kept calling then came home and started yelling at me for leaving in the middle of my "examination" and then leaving him at the clinic. i blew upand told him i couldn't stand his obsession anymore and that his paranoia made me feel paranoid and is beginning to affect my social life, mental and physical health and my livelihood. he looked at me then said that i hurt him with what i said and that he was just trying to make sure the baby was fine and i was being aggressive and irresponsible towards him and the baby this entire time, he said i was acting like a neglectful mother when the baby isn't even here yet then left and turned his phone off. this morning he's acting distant and is expecting some sort of a apology for what i did. aita am i overreacting?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello! i f26 have been together with my husband austin m35 for 3 years. he wes married before me but divorced his ex wife because she couldn't have kids. eversince i became pregnant he did a complate 180°, he became obsessed by constantly watching my every move and breathing down my neck. he even hung photos of the sonogram!. he also came up with a list of what i'm allowed and not allowed to do, like not driving, not eating certain foods, not working but i stood my ground and continued working, also not wear high heels or watch certain shows or see family unless percausions were taken. it has been exhausting for me already but he has made it 10x worse. yesterday, he woke me up at 7am and said we had to go to the doctor, i asked why since i wasn't feeling sick and he said he just had a hunch and i had to skip work and go with him to the appointment just to make sure because he felt something was wrong. i said no but he went and called my boss and took the day off for me. i was just speechless but decided to just go to get it over with. we got there after he kept scolding me for things i did the night before that mightve caused a problem- but literally there was no problem. the doctor told us that but he asked her to check again and she did, he then asked her to check again then again...i couldn't take it when he asked her again, i just got up, took my bag and walked out and left him arguing with the doc. i got into the car and went home immediately. he kept calling then came home and started yelling at me for leaving in the middle of my "examination" and then leaving him at the clinic. i blew upand told him i couldn't stand his obsession anymore and that his paranoia made me feel paranoid and is beginning to affect my social life, mental and physical health and my livelihood. he looked at me then said that i hurt him with what i said and that he was just trying to make sure the baby was fine and i was being aggressive and irresponsible towards him and the baby this entire time, he said i was acting like a neglectful mother when the baby isn't even here yet then left and turned his phone off. this morning he's acting distant and is expecting some sort of a apology for what i did. aita am i overreacting? [/INST] nta. wow. ummmm....sweetie, that man is unhinged. there is something seriously wrong with him, and you need to go somewhere safe immediately. he needs mental help, and you need a restraining order and a safe place to hide. if he is this bad before the baby gets here, he is going to be completely out of control once the child is here. leave now and don't look back. you are not safe. </s>
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AITA for calling out my Wife's friend's husband for having a micropenis?
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alright, to avoid confusion:
me=me (or first person)
my wife= wife
her friend= megan
megan's husband= alex
&#x200b;
so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life.
&#x200b;
he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college.
&#x200b;
megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales.
&#x200b;
my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store.
&#x200b;
my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type).
&#x200b;
my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger.
&#x200b;
i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity.
alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership.
&#x200b;
then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country".
&#x200b;
so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad.
&#x200b;
so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red.
&#x200b;
he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder.
&#x200b;
so, aita?
| 6,713 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ff6ooa/aita_for_calling_out_my_wifes_friends_husband_for/
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2020-03-08 03:24:13
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yta. man, that's just really immature. also... saying that you were a little drunk isn't an excuse for anything.
"a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts."
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super yta...… blaming being drunk is no excuse. you spilled the beans on something very private. you probably lost your wife one of her very close friends. i truly doubt that the friendship could continue. not only did you hurt that couple, but you hurt your wife. you're easily the asshole.
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esh except for alex. megan for telling your wife, your wife for telling you, and you for being drunk, jealous & rude to a guest at your home. grow up.
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yta!!! you massively escalated things with alex for no reason, you might have thrown a wrench into megan and alex's marriage, and you *definitely* damaged your wife's ability to tell you anything in confidence. but hey, you won the truck argument. totally worth it, right?
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yes, yta.
in a variety of ways.
how can you have any doubt about it?
telling a secret told in confidence by your wife?
insulting a friend?
embarrassing your spouse?
wow.
serious ah move.
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here’s a tip. if you’re saying something because you’re mad at someone, it’s almost always an unnecessarily small gesture. using someone’s penis size (which you shouldn’t even know) as an insult against them is some seriously misguided thinking and it’s a dick move.
yta.
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yta. are you 12? that was not at all necessary.
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esh.
1) you 100% should not have shared that information ever. especially not at a bbq with other guests. that was super inappropriate and alcohol is a bad excuse.
2) your wife should not have shared that information with you (it was not hers to share).
3) alex sucks for dismissing your attempts at being interested based on you 'not being from the country'. but you could also have left the conversation.
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yta. you are a douche. making excuses like you were drunk doesn't help your case either.
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yta. there is literally no way you are not the ah. don’t talk about other people’s genitals. damn.
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: alright, to avoid confusion: me=me (or first person) my wife= wife her friend= megan megan's husband= alex &#x200b; so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life. &#x200b; he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college. &#x200b; megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales. &#x200b; my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store. &#x200b; my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type). &#x200b; my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger. &#x200b; i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity. alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership. &#x200b; then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country". &#x200b; so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad. &#x200b; so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red. &#x200b; he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder. &#x200b; so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
alright, to avoid confusion: me=me (or first person) my wife= wife her friend= megan megan's husband= alex &#x200b; so long story short, we all live in a city that's surrounded by farms. i grew up here, i worked on my uncle's farm all of my youth life. &#x200b; he met megan in college. she's from here. i met my wife in college and she came here with me after college. &#x200b; megan's parents own a farm. alex worked there for a bit. then quit and now he's a used car salesman cause he went to college for sales. &#x200b; my wife and megan became friends because they both are into crafts and met at a crafts store. &#x200b; my wife told me that megan told her that alex had a "way below average" dick. which my wife told me in confidence. and i learned that both alex and megan were virgins, because they're i guess super christian, (like the wait until marriage type). &#x200b; my wife also told me that after they were married, apparently, they both agreed that masturbation was okay. and megan, who'd only been with one guy, who was small; learned that there were men out there that were much larger. &#x200b; i hosted a bbq yesterday, alex and megan showed up late. but what they came here in was a monstrosity. alex and megan showed up in a truck, which was a gmc but idk what model, that was the biggest truck i've ever seen. i've seen trucks that are lifted 9" with 38" tires and this thing was bigger. i thought it was a truck that was on his lot. until i saw the paper plates on it and it was a different dealership. &#x200b; then he spend a good 45 min talking about the truck he bought and shit. saying it was lifted over a foot and it had "the biggest tires i can legally have". and every time i tried to ask questions about it, he was just like "you don't know about it, you're not from the country". &#x200b; so i got a little mad, and also i was a little drunk, so for someone who grew up in some shithole in wa called spokane to tell me that i don't know about country life just because i don't dress in flannels and cowboy boots... like that made me mad. &#x200b; so i asked him if he bought the truck because of his microdick. he got really red. &#x200b; he looked at megan, then i looked at my wife and she was giving the worst of death glares. it's been less than 24 hours and my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder. &#x200b; so, aita? [/INST] yta. man, that's just really immature. also... saying that you were a little drunk isn't an excuse for anything. "a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts." </s>
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AITA for asking my coworker if she deliberately wears clothes that show her cleavage?
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we (the company) had a new employee "christina" working in our section and she's a nice lady in her late 30s. she's married with kids. we had several conversations before. we work close by and one time she was sitting and moved to the side and her already showing cleavage got clearer. the office got awkward and the guys there looked down. it was obviously something minor but it kept happening. i had a couple of our male coworkers complain to me about christina's cleavage (i'm more of a tomboy woman so the men feel comfortable enough around me) they were saying that having to be forced to encouter a similar situation to the one i mention makes them uncomfortable. i couldn't help but notice that all the clothes, tops specifically that christina wears are designed to show cleavage. i brought it up to her the next day and casually pointed out how her cleavage was showing. she said nothing, just noded at me. i went ahead and asked if she deliberately wears clothes that show her cleavage. she looked offended and asked if there was a problem. i flatout said that it felt weird to me if this was the case and that it was kind of weird also that a married woman is okay with her cleavage showing at a professional workplace with male co workers around. she got upset and asked how it was any of my business what she chooses to wear. respectfully, i told her she could wear whatever she want but some employees just don't feel comfortable having been exposed to this kind of stuff at work. she told me that it was none of my business and that those who have an issue with her clothes should stop being cowerds hiding behind me and come talk to her face to face. we had an argument and some of my female coworkers agreed with me though said that i could've phrased this better. christina started avoiding half of us which seemed unprofessional because part of our job is to interact but she chooses to stay away. i tried talking to her and another argument started with her saying she'd take this to the administrators if "i keep it up" but i was really just trying to talk things out.
aita for what i said to her?
| 6,519 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xlv0f4/aita_for_asking_my_coworker_if_she_deliberately/
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2022-09-23 11:31:45
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yta, yes. unless & until you have an actual dress code in place specifying that christina cannot wear tops like those, get off her case. it doesn't make a difference what you personally would wear, or what you personally think is appropriate. your male colleagues' inabilities to keep their mind on their work is *their* problem, not hers. stop blaming her for their objectification of her.
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yta. sounds like you feel like your tomboy ness makes you not like other girls^tm
why are you the cleavage sheriff in the office? was there a company vote to put you in charge of all women's clothing on the premise? do you also volunteer at middle schools and shame girls for districting the boys by showing their shoulders? are you the entire hr department?
i hope the boys all patted you on the back for "being one of the guys" and saving them from the office boobie menice. you're a hero.
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yta. i’m a bigger lady, and unfortunately most clothes, regardless of their design, tend to show off the ladies. it’s damn hard to find nice clothing that doesn’t show them off.
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>respectfully, i told her she could wear whatever she want but some employees just don't feel comfortable having been exposed to this kind of stuff at work.
“respectfully”? nothing about what you said was respectful.
worry about what you wear, not about policing other women’s clothing.
yta
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**yta.** a major asshole for so many reasons.
1. if you aren't christina's supervisor, it's not your place to comment on her work attire. your colleague isn't naked, and i'm sure she doesn't turn up to work looking like she's headed to a nightclub. larger-chested women, in particular, can't always help showing cleavage. it could be the case here. just mind your business! you approached the topic insensitively and unprofessionally. you then pushed the matter, which i could argue is harassment and, due to the nature of the conversation, *sexual harassment*. you don't get a pass because you're also a woman.
2. anyone who is uncomfortable seeing a woman's cleavage needs to grow up. tits are great, but people need to stop looking at breasts as purely sexual and something that needs to be completely covered up to be 'decent'.
3. the fact that your colleague is married and shows cleavage means nothing. why can't she show cleavage? it's obvious what you're implying. again, breasts are not shameful. a person's clothing doesn't reflect how 'decent' or 'respectable' they are.
4.
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[removed]
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wow yta
>christina started avoiding half of us which seemed unprofessional because part of our job is to interact but she chooses to stay away.
what's unprofessional is that you commented on the way she dresses for no good reason at all
who die and elect you as the council of cleavage?
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are you the hr rep? why were your coworkers going to you and not to hr to complain?
yta - you approached this in a horrid manner. 0 professionalism. like this is borderline sexual harassment the way you handled it. i hope she goes to hr about you, and every male coworker who complained to you.
edited for typo
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yta
stop sexualizing your coworker. especially stop talking to your other coworkers about sexualizing your coworker. what she wears is none of your business. if her attire is clearly unprofessional, then it's on her management to handle and doesn't really affect you.
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yta, you and your coworkers.
they're breasts. they aren't sexual unless someone else chooses to sexualize them, and that's not her fault or her problem. it's theirs (and apparently yours.) you sound like carrie's mom.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we (the company) had a new employee "christina" working in our section and she's a nice lady in her late 30s. she's married with kids. we had several conversations before. we work close by and one time she was sitting and moved to the side and her already showing cleavage got clearer. the office got awkward and the guys there looked down. it was obviously something minor but it kept happening. i had a couple of our male coworkers complain to me about christina's cleavage (i'm more of a tomboy woman so the men feel comfortable enough around me) they were saying that having to be forced to encouter a similar situation to the one i mention makes them uncomfortable. i couldn't help but notice that all the clothes, tops specifically that christina wears are designed to show cleavage. i brought it up to her the next day and casually pointed out how her cleavage was showing. she said nothing, just noded at me. i went ahead and asked if she deliberately wears clothes that show her cleavage. she looked offended and asked if there was a problem. i flatout said that it felt weird to me if this was the case and that it was kind of weird also that a married woman is okay with her cleavage showing at a professional workplace with male co workers around. she got upset and asked how it was any of my business what she chooses to wear. respectfully, i told her she could wear whatever she want but some employees just don't feel comfortable having been exposed to this kind of stuff at work. she told me that it was none of my business and that those who have an issue with her clothes should stop being cowerds hiding behind me and come talk to her face to face. we had an argument and some of my female coworkers agreed with me though said that i could've phrased this better. christina started avoiding half of us which seemed unprofessional because part of our job is to interact but she chooses to stay away. i tried talking to her and another argument started with her saying she'd take this to the administrators if "i keep it up" but i was really just trying to talk things out. aita for what i said to her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we (the company) had a new employee "christina" working in our section and she's a nice lady in her late 30s. she's married with kids. we had several conversations before. we work close by and one time she was sitting and moved to the side and her already showing cleavage got clearer. the office got awkward and the guys there looked down. it was obviously something minor but it kept happening. i had a couple of our male coworkers complain to me about christina's cleavage (i'm more of a tomboy woman so the men feel comfortable enough around me) they were saying that having to be forced to encouter a similar situation to the one i mention makes them uncomfortable. i couldn't help but notice that all the clothes, tops specifically that christina wears are designed to show cleavage. i brought it up to her the next day and casually pointed out how her cleavage was showing. she said nothing, just noded at me. i went ahead and asked if she deliberately wears clothes that show her cleavage. she looked offended and asked if there was a problem. i flatout said that it felt weird to me if this was the case and that it was kind of weird also that a married woman is okay with her cleavage showing at a professional workplace with male co workers around. she got upset and asked how it was any of my business what she chooses to wear. respectfully, i told her she could wear whatever she want but some employees just don't feel comfortable having been exposed to this kind of stuff at work. she told me that it was none of my business and that those who have an issue with her clothes should stop being cowerds hiding behind me and come talk to her face to face. we had an argument and some of my female coworkers agreed with me though said that i could've phrased this better. christina started avoiding half of us which seemed unprofessional because part of our job is to interact but she chooses to stay away. i tried talking to her and another argument started with her saying she'd take this to the administrators if "i keep it up" but i was really just trying to talk things out. aita for what i said to her? [/INST] yta, yes. unless & until you have an actual dress code in place specifying that christina cannot wear tops like those, get off her case. it doesn't make a difference what you personally would wear, or what you personally think is appropriate. your male colleagues' inabilities to keep their mind on their work is *their* problem, not hers. stop blaming her for their objectification of her. </s>
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AITA for singling someone out at a comedy show?
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i do stand up. i also have a day job, because, you know, survival.
i mentioned at work that i couldn’t do any shifts after 4:00 on saturday because i had a show. my coworker overheard and asked for tickets so he could take a girl out without having to spend money.
i had no problem helping him out and i knew this club wouldn’t care if i slid a couple people in. but i’ve been trying to get more bookings at this place and it’s kind of a level up from the sort of places i usually get to perform at so i told them, you know, “please make a point to laugh.”
i’m up there doing my show and i see them and they’re the only ones in the relatively intimate audience who aren’t laughing. it bugs me a little but i didn’t want to lose my rhythm so just ignored them. then i see that in this dark room that seats, max, forty people this guy is texting with his phone screen on full brightness.
so i start telling a joke about a time i gave friends from work tickets to see me and they texted through the whole thing and as i’m doing it i’m slowly approaching their table (and the audience realizes i’m talking about these people at this show) yet he doesn’t notice or look up until i’m literally off the stage, approaching the foot of his table, staring at him.
it killed, so that was the good part. but when i showed up to work i was expecting an apology from him. instead he was expecting an apology from me for (i’m quoting here) “inviting him out just to make him the butt of a joke” “making him look like a fool in front of his girl” and embarrassing him at a popular venue in our reasonably small town.
he basically summarized it as “you’re supposed to be a professional and if you couldn’t handle me texting you shouldn’t be in show business.”
i think, without question, that he’s the asshole. but he doesn’t believe me and the only people i could tell this story to and ask to confirm i’m not crazy and my real life friends, so, biased.
who’s the asshole?
| 21,353 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5t1e1/aita_for_singling_someone_out_at_a_comedy_show/
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2019-09-18 05:13:04
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nta. as far as being a professional, making a joke about it - single most professional thing you could have done.
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nta. first rule of going to comedy shows, pay attention. second rule, be ready to get singled out. that’s part of what what comedians *do*
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nta. he’s an idiot. he came to your show and acted like an ass. he embarrassed himself.
and making fun of him was professional since that was your job.
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nta comedians call out audience members all the time for being rude. the fact that this guy knows you and was being rude during the show makes him an even bigger ass.
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nta - i've been singled out at comedy shows for sitting alone, when i had come out to support a different comedian performing that same night. that's pretty shitty and pisses me off. but i think what you did was fine. if your friend asked to come for free the least he could do is pay attention.
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what? no, nta
guy is a moron. part of comedy is hazing the audience, and if done well, can cause all sorts of laughter.
this guy was rude to you during the thing. he needs to check himself. stand your ground (and probably keep your distance from him).
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nta he’s only lashing out because he’s embarrassed and he’s only embarrassed because he feels that he was caught doing something wrong. which is really just him refusing to admit while accidentally admitting that he did something wrong in the first place.
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nta you're a *comedian* and i bet it was funny as hell. the dude was that absorbed in texting while on a date? he sounds like a dick.
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nta. i've heard multiple comics get (rightfully) very annoyed and call out audience members for texting during a set. i can only imagine if those audience members had been the comedians' friends that got free tickets to the show...
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nta. if you're gonna ask someone for tickets to their show and then sit on your phone, you've gotta expect to be called out. that type of thing just kinda happens at comedy shows. and not paying attention to your friend's set is kind of a dick move.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i do stand up. i also have a day job, because, you know, survival. i mentioned at work that i couldn’t do any shifts after 4:00 on saturday because i had a show. my coworker overheard and asked for tickets so he could take a girl out without having to spend money. i had no problem helping him out and i knew this club wouldn’t care if i slid a couple people in. but i’ve been trying to get more bookings at this place and it’s kind of a level up from the sort of places i usually get to perform at so i told them, you know, “please make a point to laugh.” i’m up there doing my show and i see them and they’re the only ones in the relatively intimate audience who aren’t laughing. it bugs me a little but i didn’t want to lose my rhythm so just ignored them. then i see that in this dark room that seats, max, forty people this guy is texting with his phone screen on full brightness. so i start telling a joke about a time i gave friends from work tickets to see me and they texted through the whole thing and as i’m doing it i’m slowly approaching their table (and the audience realizes i’m talking about these people at this show) yet he doesn’t notice or look up until i’m literally off the stage, approaching the foot of his table, staring at him. it killed, so that was the good part. but when i showed up to work i was expecting an apology from him. instead he was expecting an apology from me for (i’m quoting here) “inviting him out just to make him the butt of a joke” “making him look like a fool in front of his girl” and embarrassing him at a popular venue in our reasonably small town. he basically summarized it as “you’re supposed to be a professional and if you couldn’t handle me texting you shouldn’t be in show business.” i think, without question, that he’s the asshole. but he doesn’t believe me and the only people i could tell this story to and ask to confirm i’m not crazy and my real life friends, so, biased. who’s the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i do stand up. i also have a day job, because, you know, survival. i mentioned at work that i couldn’t do any shifts after 4:00 on saturday because i had a show. my coworker overheard and asked for tickets so he could take a girl out without having to spend money. i had no problem helping him out and i knew this club wouldn’t care if i slid a couple people in. but i’ve been trying to get more bookings at this place and it’s kind of a level up from the sort of places i usually get to perform at so i told them, you know, “please make a point to laugh.” i’m up there doing my show and i see them and they’re the only ones in the relatively intimate audience who aren’t laughing. it bugs me a little but i didn’t want to lose my rhythm so just ignored them. then i see that in this dark room that seats, max, forty people this guy is texting with his phone screen on full brightness. so i start telling a joke about a time i gave friends from work tickets to see me and they texted through the whole thing and as i’m doing it i’m slowly approaching their table (and the audience realizes i’m talking about these people at this show) yet he doesn’t notice or look up until i’m literally off the stage, approaching the foot of his table, staring at him. it killed, so that was the good part. but when i showed up to work i was expecting an apology from him. instead he was expecting an apology from me for (i’m quoting here) “inviting him out just to make him the butt of a joke” “making him look like a fool in front of his girl” and embarrassing him at a popular venue in our reasonably small town. he basically summarized it as “you’re supposed to be a professional and if you couldn’t handle me texting you shouldn’t be in show business.” i think, without question, that he’s the asshole. but he doesn’t believe me and the only people i could tell this story to and ask to confirm i’m not crazy and my real life friends, so, biased. who’s the asshole? [/INST] nta. as far as being a professional, making a joke about it - single most professional thing you could have done. </s>
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AITA for taking my good friend and her two kids on vacation with me instead of my sister and her kids even though she said she needed the break?
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this happened when i was 24 and my sister is still pissed about it and thinks i was the asshole. i just want to see if i am or not.
long story short; i won a raffle at my job for an all expense paid family vacation. it wasn't a super fancy prize to disneyland or anything crazy. it was just a nice 3 day stay at this little beach house inn place. it was for 4 people. i asked new bf at the time to go but he couldn't because school.
i told nobody i won but when i came down to visit my family for the weekend my sis was there with my niece/nephew, who are the two brattiest kids i've met thanks to sis not disciplining them ever. i love them but she lets them get into everything and never watches them unless someone (me or our mom) yells at her to get off her butt and watch them. visiting is always a chore because i end up watching them to give our mom a break. it's pathetic.
i'd considered inviting them to come before i arrived. but the longer i was there the more i hated the idea. by the time i was packing up to go home i knew i wasn't inviting them. she dumped them on me the entire time (like usual) and i knew if they came it would turn into me babysitting them while she had a vacation.
so i didn't mention it. next day i told my friend megan cuz she has two kids (older than sis's kids and very well behaved) and she's a single working mom who could use the vacay. i offered to invite her along if she would pay for the gas to get us all to/from there and she happily agreed.
we went, had a blast, i got a pretty good tan, we ate lots of buffet food and did fun family type activities all weekend before coming back.
i posted some pics i took (nothing in your face, just a couple cute ones of me/us on the beach) when i got back and before lunch even rolled around sis was blowing up my phone asking how the hell i could afford a vacation. i told her it was a raffle prize, she asked who won and i said me. she flipped her shit, demanding to know why i hadn't invited her. i was honest and said cuz i didn't want to babysit her kids for my entire vacation.
she called me an asshole, said i knew she needed a vacation and then hung up on me. later mom called asking why i promised niece/nephew i'd take them on vacation. i said i never told them i would? turns out sis told them we were all supposed to go on vacation but i ruined it and now they couldn't. so they sobbed all day. i explained my side and mom said i was mean to not invite sis/niece/nephew. but she dropped it after i said i wasn't babysitting my whole vacation.
i could have invited them but i just didn't want to. sis thinks family should come before friends. aita?
**
| 18,585 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ixopqo/aita_for_taking_my_good_friend_and_her_two_kids/
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2020-09-22 14:43:14
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nta. your sister lied to your family to get them on her side cause she knew damn well your reasoning for not taking her was legitimate. screw your sister. you don't need her. if she wants to stay mad at you for her inability to be a parent, then she can stay mad. you do you. live your best life. plus from the way it sounds. you gave megan a well deserved vacation.
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nope, nta. your sister sounds lazy an entitled as hell. vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, not stress inducing and another level of hell.
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nta - sounds like your sister's idea of parenting is to have someone else do it. she got a break the entire time you were visiting home, and so she has no right to complain. if she complains again, remind her that you gave her a break, that you usually do when she's around and she dumps her kids on you. that you have to spread the love and that she's selfish and self-centered to think you are her babysitting slave.
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nta. it was your prize to do what you wanted with. you hadn’t promised your sister anything. your sister is just being entitled. then she doubled down by manipulating her kids. eesh.
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nta your sister manipulated her kids to be pissed at your because you didn't give her a free vacation with free babysitting. i feel bad for her kids, they have little chance of growing up to be decent humans with such a terrible mother.
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nta. it was your prize to do with what you want. you told your sister why you didn't invite her and even your mom couldn't argue with your concerns because she knew they were true.
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nta
you won a contest, you chose to take a friend and her kids because it would be a great time for all involved - it's not a vacation if you're babysitting unbehaved kids. your sister is clearly trying to use you. the fact that she told her kids you promised them a vacation and then "robbed" them of it is a huge red flag, especially considering it was after the vacation. seriously consider what kind of relationship you want to have with your sister because it looks like she's willing to turn her kids against you to get what she wants.
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nta. your vacation your choice. you dont owe your sister a vacay just because you won a raffle. if she wanted to go maybe she shouldn't make you watch her kids whenever you visit.
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nta - you don't owe her a vacation, you're allowed to bring whoever you want when you plan trips
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nta your sister sounds entitled, spoiled and also a bad parent.
i would however just add that you shouldn't let her bad parenting ruin your relationship with your niece and nephew and if you have the time make the effort to show them how much you love them (i'm sure you do but i know it's easy for resentment to build and it's always good to be reminded that it's not the kids' faults).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened when i was 24 and my sister is still pissed about it and thinks i was the asshole. i just want to see if i am or not. long story short; i won a raffle at my job for an all expense paid family vacation. it wasn't a super fancy prize to disneyland or anything crazy. it was just a nice 3 day stay at this little beach house inn place. it was for 4 people. i asked new bf at the time to go but he couldn't because school. i told nobody i won but when i came down to visit my family for the weekend my sis was there with my niece/nephew, who are the two brattiest kids i've met thanks to sis not disciplining them ever. i love them but she lets them get into everything and never watches them unless someone (me or our mom) yells at her to get off her butt and watch them. visiting is always a chore because i end up watching them to give our mom a break. it's pathetic. i'd considered inviting them to come before i arrived. but the longer i was there the more i hated the idea. by the time i was packing up to go home i knew i wasn't inviting them. she dumped them on me the entire time (like usual) and i knew if they came it would turn into me babysitting them while she had a vacation. so i didn't mention it. next day i told my friend megan cuz she has two kids (older than sis's kids and very well behaved) and she's a single working mom who could use the vacay. i offered to invite her along if she would pay for the gas to get us all to/from there and she happily agreed. we went, had a blast, i got a pretty good tan, we ate lots of buffet food and did fun family type activities all weekend before coming back. i posted some pics i took (nothing in your face, just a couple cute ones of me/us on the beach) when i got back and before lunch even rolled around sis was blowing up my phone asking how the hell i could afford a vacation. i told her it was a raffle prize, she asked who won and i said me. she flipped her shit, demanding to know why i hadn't invited her. i was honest and said cuz i didn't want to babysit her kids for my entire vacation. she called me an asshole, said i knew she needed a vacation and then hung up on me. later mom called asking why i promised niece/nephew i'd take them on vacation. i said i never told them i would? turns out sis told them we were all supposed to go on vacation but i ruined it and now they couldn't. so they sobbed all day. i explained my side and mom said i was mean to not invite sis/niece/nephew. but she dropped it after i said i wasn't babysitting my whole vacation. i could have invited them but i just didn't want to. sis thinks family should come before friends. aita? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened when i was 24 and my sister is still pissed about it and thinks i was the asshole. i just want to see if i am or not. long story short; i won a raffle at my job for an all expense paid family vacation. it wasn't a super fancy prize to disneyland or anything crazy. it was just a nice 3 day stay at this little beach house inn place. it was for 4 people. i asked new bf at the time to go but he couldn't because school. i told nobody i won but when i came down to visit my family for the weekend my sis was there with my niece/nephew, who are the two brattiest kids i've met thanks to sis not disciplining them ever. i love them but she lets them get into everything and never watches them unless someone (me or our mom) yells at her to get off her butt and watch them. visiting is always a chore because i end up watching them to give our mom a break. it's pathetic. i'd considered inviting them to come before i arrived. but the longer i was there the more i hated the idea. by the time i was packing up to go home i knew i wasn't inviting them. she dumped them on me the entire time (like usual) and i knew if they came it would turn into me babysitting them while she had a vacation. so i didn't mention it. next day i told my friend megan cuz she has two kids (older than sis's kids and very well behaved) and she's a single working mom who could use the vacay. i offered to invite her along if she would pay for the gas to get us all to/from there and she happily agreed. we went, had a blast, i got a pretty good tan, we ate lots of buffet food and did fun family type activities all weekend before coming back. i posted some pics i took (nothing in your face, just a couple cute ones of me/us on the beach) when i got back and before lunch even rolled around sis was blowing up my phone asking how the hell i could afford a vacation. i told her it was a raffle prize, she asked who won and i said me. she flipped her shit, demanding to know why i hadn't invited her. i was honest and said cuz i didn't want to babysit her kids for my entire vacation. she called me an asshole, said i knew she needed a vacation and then hung up on me. later mom called asking why i promised niece/nephew i'd take them on vacation. i said i never told them i would? turns out sis told them we were all supposed to go on vacation but i ruined it and now they couldn't. so they sobbed all day. i explained my side and mom said i was mean to not invite sis/niece/nephew. but she dropped it after i said i wasn't babysitting my whole vacation. i could have invited them but i just didn't want to. sis thinks family should come before friends. aita? ** [/INST] nta. your sister lied to your family to get them on her side cause she knew damn well your reasoning for not taking her was legitimate. screw your sister. you don't need her. if she wants to stay mad at you for her inability to be a parent, then she can stay mad. you do you. live your best life. plus from the way it sounds. you gave megan a well deserved vacation. </s>
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AITA for not making my teenage son wear a helmet when he skateboards?
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my (42m) son (15m) is a good kid and loves to skateboard. he's actually pretty talented, and is even "sponsored" by the local skate shop. he's skated since he was 7. until he was 13 or so i always made him wear a helmet. he started resisting wearing a helmet around then, and while i would prefer that he does wear a helmet, i know i can't control every aspect of his life. by that point his body had learned how to fall "correctly" when he screws up a trick (i used to skate back in the day, if you skateboard you know what i mean). so i made a compromise with him - if he's just out street skating with his friends, he doesn't need to wear a helmet, but if he's at a park that requires it or is skating a bowl or half pipe, or if he's otherwise attempting something dangerous for the first time, then he needs to wear one. he readily agreed and has been good about wearing a helmet in those circumstances.
anyway, a couple weeks ago my wife (41f) was running an errand the other day and saw our son skateboarding, doing tricks down a small 5-stair set, and he wasn't wearing a helmet. she flipped out, pulled over, yelled at him in front of his friends and made him come home. now... it's not that my wife didn't know about my helmet "rules", but in her view what he was doing qualified as dangerous (he can ollie down stair sets almost 3x that size). she's never really loved that he's been into skateboarding (she always wanted him to do team sports) and as such, i don't think she fully appreciates how good he is for his age nor does she understand that he knows what his limits are and what he's doing. she is now insisting that he wear a helmet at all times much to my son's chagrin.
i pointed out to her (privately) that this is ridiculous. he's at an age where he can make this choice himself, and on top of that, our daughter (14f) who does cheer and gymnastics and doesn't have to wear a helmet despite head injuries being fairly common in those sports. to make my point, i got one of those cheerleader helmets and declared that she now needs to wear a helmet too since her brother has to now. our daughter is kind of a weirdo and to her credit thinks this is all pretty funny, and said something like "i will be known as the helmet queen" and started wearing it at practice. my wife is now freaking out because she doesn't want our daughter to stick out at games or competitions and make people think that she's special needs (yes, seriously she said that). my wife is saying i'm both undermining her and encouraging our son to do dangerous things, and that our daughter is going to get bullied for wearing a helmet. so aita?
| 3,961 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tdi27f/aita_for_not_making_my_teenage_son_wear_a_helmet/
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2022-03-13 22:17:10
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yta. you're too concerned with being cool to be a parent.
everyone wears helmets, even olympic athletes.
aside from safety, he could lose his sponsorship. nobody wants their brand tied to gross negligence and poor role models
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yta
i don't care how good he is, or how easy a trick seems. just falling off while cruising can cause massive head trauma. i hate helmets, but i have seen what happens when "pros" have a mishap, and die or become a vegetable. source: 22 year firefighter/paramedic.
your wife is correct, back her up.
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yta [even tony hawk wears a helmet](https://youtu.be/0wexngdvmea)
you bring up a valid point about cheerleaders. i have no experience in the industry so i have no comments on why they dont. but you know skateboarders do and why.
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yta.
if the professionals wear a helmet, so should your son.
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>our daughter is kind of a weirdo and to her credit thinks this is all pretty funny,
actually, your daughter sound like the only sensible one among the four of you. she's comfortable enough with herself to know wearing a safety device isn't going to affect her socially in the long run and knows how to embrace change.
frankly, i'm surprised at how level-headed she is when the three of y'all seem to be all equal parts stubborn. while your son needs a crash course in why his safety comes before his looks and your wife needs to chill about worrying that your daughter is going to look "special needs", you are by far the biggest asshole of the group for your blatant disregard for your sons physical safety and dragging your daughter into your argument with your wife.
yta
also,
> "i will be known as the helmet queen" and started wearing it at practice
your daughter is fucking hilarious.
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yta olympic skateboarders wear helmets, olympic gymnasts don't. a fall on the flat could cause a serious head injury, never mind on stairs and serious head injuries are something that modern medicine still can't fix. i work in major trauma so i see it all too often. i just don't understand why people don't value their own head! you apparently don't value your own sons head either. stop trying to be cool and try being responsible instead.
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yta i’m a nurse and the one time i wasn’t home to make him wear a helmet he crashed his skateboard and got a head injury. head injuries can be serious and preventable with a helmet. again, yta
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if something happens to him while skateboarding and a helmet could of prevented a major catastrophe, would you be able to live with your choices?
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yta for comparing the activities. padded mats, bars and beams, never going faster than you can run versus fast wheels with cement and blacktop. if your daughter likes her helmet, let her wear it, if your son doesn’t want to wear one, recommend an activity that has padded floors. unfortunately i can only think of gymnastics and mental hospitals, maybe he can be more creative.
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wtf. you're 100% ta.
also, cheer is often done with spotters and on padded mats. i know several great skateboarders from high school who nearly brained themselves on the curb. all it takes is a dog to run out in front if him or a car to not see him. would you be okay for your son to not wear a seatbelt just because he got a b in driver's ed class?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (42m) son (15m) is a good kid and loves to skateboard. he's actually pretty talented, and is even "sponsored" by the local skate shop. he's skated since he was 7. until he was 13 or so i always made him wear a helmet. he started resisting wearing a helmet around then, and while i would prefer that he does wear a helmet, i know i can't control every aspect of his life. by that point his body had learned how to fall "correctly" when he screws up a trick (i used to skate back in the day, if you skateboard you know what i mean). so i made a compromise with him - if he's just out street skating with his friends, he doesn't need to wear a helmet, but if he's at a park that requires it or is skating a bowl or half pipe, or if he's otherwise attempting something dangerous for the first time, then he needs to wear one. he readily agreed and has been good about wearing a helmet in those circumstances. anyway, a couple weeks ago my wife (41f) was running an errand the other day and saw our son skateboarding, doing tricks down a small 5-stair set, and he wasn't wearing a helmet. she flipped out, pulled over, yelled at him in front of his friends and made him come home. now... it's not that my wife didn't know about my helmet "rules", but in her view what he was doing qualified as dangerous (he can ollie down stair sets almost 3x that size). she's never really loved that he's been into skateboarding (she always wanted him to do team sports) and as such, i don't think she fully appreciates how good he is for his age nor does she understand that he knows what his limits are and what he's doing. she is now insisting that he wear a helmet at all times much to my son's chagrin. i pointed out to her (privately) that this is ridiculous. he's at an age where he can make this choice himself, and on top of that, our daughter (14f) who does cheer and gymnastics and doesn't have to wear a helmet despite head injuries being fairly common in those sports. to make my point, i got one of those cheerleader helmets and declared that she now needs to wear a helmet too since her brother has to now. our daughter is kind of a weirdo and to her credit thinks this is all pretty funny, and said something like "i will be known as the helmet queen" and started wearing it at practice. my wife is now freaking out because she doesn't want our daughter to stick out at games or competitions and make people think that she's special needs (yes, seriously she said that). my wife is saying i'm both undermining her and encouraging our son to do dangerous things, and that our daughter is going to get bullied for wearing a helmet. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (42m) son (15m) is a good kid and loves to skateboard. he's actually pretty talented, and is even "sponsored" by the local skate shop. he's skated since he was 7. until he was 13 or so i always made him wear a helmet. he started resisting wearing a helmet around then, and while i would prefer that he does wear a helmet, i know i can't control every aspect of his life. by that point his body had learned how to fall "correctly" when he screws up a trick (i used to skate back in the day, if you skateboard you know what i mean). so i made a compromise with him - if he's just out street skating with his friends, he doesn't need to wear a helmet, but if he's at a park that requires it or is skating a bowl or half pipe, or if he's otherwise attempting something dangerous for the first time, then he needs to wear one. he readily agreed and has been good about wearing a helmet in those circumstances. anyway, a couple weeks ago my wife (41f) was running an errand the other day and saw our son skateboarding, doing tricks down a small 5-stair set, and he wasn't wearing a helmet. she flipped out, pulled over, yelled at him in front of his friends and made him come home. now... it's not that my wife didn't know about my helmet "rules", but in her view what he was doing qualified as dangerous (he can ollie down stair sets almost 3x that size). she's never really loved that he's been into skateboarding (she always wanted him to do team sports) and as such, i don't think she fully appreciates how good he is for his age nor does she understand that he knows what his limits are and what he's doing. she is now insisting that he wear a helmet at all times much to my son's chagrin. i pointed out to her (privately) that this is ridiculous. he's at an age where he can make this choice himself, and on top of that, our daughter (14f) who does cheer and gymnastics and doesn't have to wear a helmet despite head injuries being fairly common in those sports. to make my point, i got one of those cheerleader helmets and declared that she now needs to wear a helmet too since her brother has to now. our daughter is kind of a weirdo and to her credit thinks this is all pretty funny, and said something like "i will be known as the helmet queen" and started wearing it at practice. my wife is now freaking out because she doesn't want our daughter to stick out at games or competitions and make people think that she's special needs (yes, seriously she said that). my wife is saying i'm both undermining her and encouraging our son to do dangerous things, and that our daughter is going to get bullied for wearing a helmet. so aita? [/INST] yta. you're too concerned with being cool to be a parent. everyone wears helmets, even olympic athletes. aside from safety, he could lose his sponsorship. nobody wants their brand tied to gross negligence and poor role models </s>
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AITA for not learning sign language for step daughter?
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i (30sf) have been married to buford (40sm) for about a year. i brought jay (8m) and juniper (5f) from a past marriage, and until very recently we thought buford had no children. we had no intentions of having more kids.
as it happens though, it turns out buford actually does have a daughter markita (15f). her mom did not tell buford about her pregnancy and ultimately moved states, so he had no idea until she reached out on fb. we were a little dubious, but she turned out to be right. markita and mom moved back to our state in the meantime and live about 40 minutes from us. she wants visitation with buford which he has agreed to. there's no formal custody arrangement between buford and mom so it's basically just sporadic weekends and school holidays. usually this is just between the two of them, but sometimes she will come to the house and has even slept over a few times.
here's my dilemma. markita is hearing impaired. i'm not entirely sure to what degree but i do know she almost exclusively uses asl. no one in our family knows asl but buford has been trying to learn for her. the last time markita was here he pitched to me the idea of us learning asl as a family.
the truth is that i really don't know if that is worth the effort. markita is present at our house maybe once a month. i would consider it if she were going to be over more often, but i work 48 hours a week and i just don't have time for something like this. i also know 3 different languages, one of which was in adulthood and it was very difficult for me even fifteen years ago. i just can't fit something like that into my life, but i told buford that jay and juniper can still learn if they're interested.
the kids don't want to since i'm not and now buford thinks i'm being ridiculous since i have no other way of communicating with markita. i told him we can work something out but he didn't want to hear it honestly. markita also thinks i should learn some basic signs but between work and kids even that would be a struggle. aita for not wanting to learn sign language?
| 10,377 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qbtj09/aita_for_not_learning_sign_language_for_step/
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2021-10-20 05:12:06
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yta. one of the biggest ones i have seen on here. like top 3. you might be even a bigger a-hole than the dude who showed up to his ex-girlfriend’s mom’s funeral (that he wasn’t invited to) with a new girlfriend.
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yta. wow! “ i don’t know if it’s worth it”, seriously? my new stepdaughter, that i didn’t want has a disability but i unwilling to make any effort to accommodate a d as such i have taught my kids that they don’t have to make any effort either. not only are you an asshole but you’re the definition of a wicked stepmother and terrible role model to your own children.
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yta and asl can be useful in a lot of places with a lot of people. it doesn’t take a horribly long time to learn the alphabet and a few key words or phrases.
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yta for shutting this down completely without even trying. surely it wouldn't be too hard to learn a few words or phrases and go from there.
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yta.
what does marriage mean to you? the man you married, the man you love is asking you to learn asl for his daughter. he shouldn’t have even asked or suggested it. you should have been allllll over it.
if this child doesn’t mean that much to you i understand but your husband cares for her and dammit that should make you care. you married this man. that means you should support him even if it means doing something you do not want to do.
that little girl is now your stepdaughter. could you do any less to make her feel welcomed and loved? she’s hearing impaired and just found out about her long lost dad. now, she’ll come to learn her step mother couldn’t be bothered to learn asl just because she only visits once a month?
would you want your own biological children treated that way if it was them?
good grief, yta op.
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my god, as a mother this is the kind of thing that scares me when it comes to letting new people into my kids life, you can't even be arsed to learnt to communicate with the kid. yta, a huge one.
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yta
a family member isn’t ‘worth the effort’ because she doesn’t live with her dad? wow. my goodness.
i learned basic signs as a minimal courtesy to customers when i worked retail, and a few more when i had some deaf coworkers in a different department, to be able to greet them and thank them and a few other common interactions. it wasn’t hard. i taught a few to my kids when they were literal babies, so they could ask for what they needed before they could speak orally. again, not hard. none of us are fluent but we can be courteous, we can be kind, we can acknowledge people.
you’re making this so much harder than it needs to be, and holding back your kids from learning, and creating barriers between yourself and your husband and his child. your resistance, your overblown sense of being put-upon, your selfishness are preventing your husband’s child from being included in his household and the life of his family. you’re teaching your kids that deaf/hard-of-hearing people aren’t ’worth the trouble.’ you’re inviting resentment into your marriage. do you plan on sticking around?
eta aw, y’all are sweet, look at this internet bling. i’m going to learn a new sign today because this post was just so. very. y’all go get you some sign vocabulary!
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yta- “not worth the effort” ?!
it’s his fucking daughter. if you love and respect your partner, then it is worth the effort.
not to mention it opens doors for employment for your children later in life.
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yta
i tutor a kid once a week that is deaf. his eyes light up when i learn a new word.
start somewhere. one sign at a time. it will mean the world to this young girl.
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>markita is present at our house maybe once a month.
poor kid doesn't want to come around more, because it's clear she's not wanted. i mean why stick around somewhere when no one can carry a conversation with you, yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30sf) have been married to buford (40sm) for about a year. i brought jay (8m) and juniper (5f) from a past marriage, and until very recently we thought buford had no children. we had no intentions of having more kids. as it happens though, it turns out buford actually does have a daughter markita (15f). her mom did not tell buford about her pregnancy and ultimately moved states, so he had no idea until she reached out on fb. we were a little dubious, but she turned out to be right. markita and mom moved back to our state in the meantime and live about 40 minutes from us. she wants visitation with buford which he has agreed to. there's no formal custody arrangement between buford and mom so it's basically just sporadic weekends and school holidays. usually this is just between the two of them, but sometimes she will come to the house and has even slept over a few times. here's my dilemma. markita is hearing impaired. i'm not entirely sure to what degree but i do know she almost exclusively uses asl. no one in our family knows asl but buford has been trying to learn for her. the last time markita was here he pitched to me the idea of us learning asl as a family. the truth is that i really don't know if that is worth the effort. markita is present at our house maybe once a month. i would consider it if she were going to be over more often, but i work 48 hours a week and i just don't have time for something like this. i also know 3 different languages, one of which was in adulthood and it was very difficult for me even fifteen years ago. i just can't fit something like that into my life, but i told buford that jay and juniper can still learn if they're interested. the kids don't want to since i'm not and now buford thinks i'm being ridiculous since i have no other way of communicating with markita. i told him we can work something out but he didn't want to hear it honestly. markita also thinks i should learn some basic signs but between work and kids even that would be a struggle. aita for not wanting to learn sign language?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30sf) have been married to buford (40sm) for about a year. i brought jay (8m) and juniper (5f) from a past marriage, and until very recently we thought buford had no children. we had no intentions of having more kids. as it happens though, it turns out buford actually does have a daughter markita (15f). her mom did not tell buford about her pregnancy and ultimately moved states, so he had no idea until she reached out on fb. we were a little dubious, but she turned out to be right. markita and mom moved back to our state in the meantime and live about 40 minutes from us. she wants visitation with buford which he has agreed to. there's no formal custody arrangement between buford and mom so it's basically just sporadic weekends and school holidays. usually this is just between the two of them, but sometimes she will come to the house and has even slept over a few times. here's my dilemma. markita is hearing impaired. i'm not entirely sure to what degree but i do know she almost exclusively uses asl. no one in our family knows asl but buford has been trying to learn for her. the last time markita was here he pitched to me the idea of us learning asl as a family. the truth is that i really don't know if that is worth the effort. markita is present at our house maybe once a month. i would consider it if she were going to be over more often, but i work 48 hours a week and i just don't have time for something like this. i also know 3 different languages, one of which was in adulthood and it was very difficult for me even fifteen years ago. i just can't fit something like that into my life, but i told buford that jay and juniper can still learn if they're interested. the kids don't want to since i'm not and now buford thinks i'm being ridiculous since i have no other way of communicating with markita. i told him we can work something out but he didn't want to hear it honestly. markita also thinks i should learn some basic signs but between work and kids even that would be a struggle. aita for not wanting to learn sign language? [/INST] yta. one of the biggest ones i have seen on here. like top 3. you might be even a bigger a-hole than the dude who showed up to his ex-girlfriend’s mom’s funeral (that he wasn’t invited to) with a new girlfriend. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share my son?
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my son died at age 4. on the first mothers day after he died my husband got me a necklace with some of his ashes in. i wear it every single day.
my aunt is not someone i see often. she got on with my son but only really saw him a handful of times a year. she came a few times to see him when he was sick but not often. when we were told he didn't have long left i asked if she wanted to come and say goodbye and she said she was too busy with work. i figured she was in denial, maybe. i certainly was. she then missed his funeral to go to a concert.
her husband messaged me yesterday asking if he would be able to get some of our sons ashes so she can have some jewellery made. apparently she asked him for one for her birthday as she really misses our son and wants to feel close to him. i said no because i want him to stay with us. all of him. then my aunt called me yesterday afternoon and said i was being selfish, he was her family too.
i still said no. she said she acted the way she did when he died because she was struggling with it, and was in denial. but so was i. but it's been 3 years and she's hardly come to see any of us. she's not even met our newest baby yet who is 4 months old.
so tell me, as my aunt seems to think i am, am i being the asshole?
| 18,760 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4p4b9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_son/
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2019-06-24 14:47:39
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nta! you're absolutely under no obligation to share the ashes of your child with anyone but his father. your aunt's request is frankly very weird.
i'm so sorry you lost your little one, and sorry you have to deal with this on top of it.
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nta
they're *your son's ashes*. why in the world would anyone think they're owed some of them? this woman is delusional.
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thanks everyone. i'm glad i'm not being an asshole. if they ask again i'll continue to stand my ground.
she's always posting about him on facebook too. wouldn't surprise me if she wants it for attention, i think she posts on facebook about him for that reason.
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nta
&#x200b;
if she is that estranged from your daily life i cant imagine she wants some ashes for true closure purposes, she sounds more like the type of woman who wants them to stroke her own ego as a sympathetic conversation piece.
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maybe i'm the asshole. i feel like you should call a pet crematory and get some animal ashes and give them to her. they'll have extra. you're satisfied, she's satisfied, and you always have a secret you can share if things go really sideways with your aunt.
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nta. your son's death was very personal to you, and it's sweet of your husband to have that done for you. she didnt even bother to go to his funeral and wants to act like she was close to him for his ashes in jewlery for the pity points from friends..
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nta. we had a similar situation when my nephew died and everyone and their mother wanted ashes put into a necklace and now almost no one actually wears it anymore. you don’t want it collecting dust somewhere or lost, personally i’d keep it just to you. its your child, your life, and your decision.
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> she then missed his funeral to go to a concert
info just to be totally clear i’m getting this right: was she aware of the funeral?
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nta! my twin sister passed. if ***anyone*** outside of my ***immediate family*** (mother, father, and brother) asked for some of her ashes i would 100% say no!
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nta...ask her about the concert and if it was worth it
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son died at age 4. on the first mothers day after he died my husband got me a necklace with some of his ashes in. i wear it every single day. my aunt is not someone i see often. she got on with my son but only really saw him a handful of times a year. she came a few times to see him when he was sick but not often. when we were told he didn't have long left i asked if she wanted to come and say goodbye and she said she was too busy with work. i figured she was in denial, maybe. i certainly was. she then missed his funeral to go to a concert. her husband messaged me yesterday asking if he would be able to get some of our sons ashes so she can have some jewellery made. apparently she asked him for one for her birthday as she really misses our son and wants to feel close to him. i said no because i want him to stay with us. all of him. then my aunt called me yesterday afternoon and said i was being selfish, he was her family too. i still said no. she said she acted the way she did when he died because she was struggling with it, and was in denial. but so was i. but it's been 3 years and she's hardly come to see any of us. she's not even met our newest baby yet who is 4 months old. so tell me, as my aunt seems to think i am, am i being the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son died at age 4. on the first mothers day after he died my husband got me a necklace with some of his ashes in. i wear it every single day. my aunt is not someone i see often. she got on with my son but only really saw him a handful of times a year. she came a few times to see him when he was sick but not often. when we were told he didn't have long left i asked if she wanted to come and say goodbye and she said she was too busy with work. i figured she was in denial, maybe. i certainly was. she then missed his funeral to go to a concert. her husband messaged me yesterday asking if he would be able to get some of our sons ashes so she can have some jewellery made. apparently she asked him for one for her birthday as she really misses our son and wants to feel close to him. i said no because i want him to stay with us. all of him. then my aunt called me yesterday afternoon and said i was being selfish, he was her family too. i still said no. she said she acted the way she did when he died because she was struggling with it, and was in denial. but so was i. but it's been 3 years and she's hardly come to see any of us. she's not even met our newest baby yet who is 4 months old. so tell me, as my aunt seems to think i am, am i being the asshole? [/INST] nta! you're absolutely under no obligation to share the ashes of your child with anyone but his father. your aunt's request is frankly very weird. i'm so sorry you lost your little one, and sorry you have to deal with this on top of it. </s>
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AITA for making a fake diary entry to catch my stepmom?
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i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again.
my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us.
long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom.
when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap.
dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell.
i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me.
now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do.
aita?
| 24,148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i2lo6g/aita_for_making_a_fake_diary_entry_to_catch_my/
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2020-08-02 22:59:28
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nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think?
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nta. that is a gross invasion of your privacy. and a clever move on your part to confirm her prying. she's the a for sure!
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nta! you are in a tough spot because the adults around you are failing you and treating you unfairly. don’t let your stepmom make you feel guilty for violating your privacy and lying about it, and recognize your dad should be making sure your stepmom follows appropriate boundaries with you. make sure your mom knows what is going on. she may have to step up for you with your dad and his wife.
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nta. should've wrote that your dad confided in you he was cheating so then he'd have no
choice to believe you when the situation implodes.
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in 2011 (i was 32 at the time), i was living at my dad's house with my 2 daughters after leaving an abusive relationship. his girlfriend at the time was a piece of work... she would go into my room, and "clean" and basically snoop. so i went out, and spent $75 and bought the biggest dido i could find. put it in my closet, and "hid" it (i put a towel over it). let's just say, she only cleaned my room once more after that! (i just wish i had a camera to catch her finding it).
i recently told my dad about it since they are no longer together, and he laughed so hard tears were running down his face. he told me "if you would have told me at the time, i would have paid for it".
you deserve your privacy. i say nta. if you need ideas, i am here for you :)
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nta. your dad should have used this as a basis for a conversation with his wife about your relationship and her role in it. lying about you “saying” something to her is bullshit and you got the proof you needed.
both of them are treating you like crap. i’m sorry.
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nta. your step mom should respect your privacy and needs to get a hobby.
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nta. you set a trap and it worked.
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nta.
you set the bait and she fell for it, you proved your point. is there a way to prove to your dad that you didn’t do any of those things in your dairy to your stepmom is reading your dairy?
maybe tell your mum about the situation
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nta - your diary is private, she has no right.
let a bit of time pass and then write one last page in it saying how you can’t believe she betrayed your trust, she violated your privacy, how you find it hard to like her when she lies to your dad about you and you wonder if she’s threatened by you or something. stepmum will find it, read it, and if she has a shred of decency she will apologise and own up to your father, but most likely she will run to your father and twist the story to paint you as the bad guy, and if/when she does show him the page - proof you’ve been telling the truth the whole time, photograph the page on your phone too with something like a newspaper showing the date you wrote it too so she can’t claim you went in and wrote that stuff after the fact.
for whatever reason this woman is threatened by you to the point she’s repeatedly violating your privacy to stir trouble between you and your father. he’s clearly letting her do this so it’s up to you to to expose her bs since your father lacks the will or spine to have his daughters back.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) have been quarantined with my dad and step mom. my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic, but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again. my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird. she’s a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn’t like. she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us. long story short, i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it. dad called me a few days ago (we were visiting with our mom) saying he has to talk to me when i come back. apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to stepmom. when he told me what she said i said, i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary. i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him, so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was write. i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap. dad calls me while out visiting with friends, and when i come back he grounds me for what i “did”. stepmom comes in later, apologized and said it sounded “concerning” and she had to tell. i told her it was fake, knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her. my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn’t believe me. now i’m with my mom, and i don’t know if what i did was fair. i felt it was the only way to prove my point and i didn’t know what else to do. aita? [/INST] nta - did you dad even address this massive invasion of privacy? what does your mom think? </s>
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AITA I don’t want to split the rebate I receive from being on the Board of Director’s of my HOA with my wife
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wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though
i do all the work. am i the asshole?
| 11,390 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z8xvn5/aita_i_dont_want_to_split_the_rebate_i_receive/
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2022-11-30 17:47:30
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yta
there is no hoa fee on your unit. making your wife pay you $200 is just bizarre.
do you even like your wife?
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another example how hoas mostly attract ahs.
&#x200b;
yta
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couldn't imagine being in such a transactional marriage.
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yta you’re fighting your wife over $200 while your account is full of posts about designer products? smh
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yta, if she uses a coupon on groceries, do you pay her half of the price difference? if not, there's your answer, windfalls for the family are windfalls for the family, no matter who 'does the work'.
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yta. the fees waived on ur unit. not just on you.
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info i’m so confused. if the fee is waived why aren’t you just splitting only the mortgage in half now? are you expecting her to pay $200 to you?
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yta, are you really fighting with your wife over money saved on the household and causing the worst fights? do you not believe that you guys are a team? i pity your wife.
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“i’m leaning towards just giving in…” i looked to the comments and he does not seem ready to give in
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are you married or not? in what sense is a given $200 yours and not hers?
yta because marriage is a partnership.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though i do all the work. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
wife and i own a home in an hoa. we split the mortgage and hoa fee 50/50. recently a vacancy opened up on the board of directors and i applied for it and was chosen to serve. as compensation, the hoa fee ($400) is waived for our unit. my wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. i feel since i’m on the board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. she thinks if i keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her *paying me* $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially. this has caused some of our worst fighting and i am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though i do all the work. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta there is no hoa fee on your unit. making your wife pay you $200 is just bizarre. do you even like your wife? </s>
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AITA for delivering a non-tipper's pizza last and then refusing redelivery?
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i was the only driver working, due to the restaurant being short staffed.
this one lady ordered, and then two minutes later, two more orders came in. so i had to take a triple.
the first time i delivered to her, she shouted at me to just leave the pizza on the porch. the second time, i just left it there. she didn't pre-tip so there was no chance for me to get a tip when i just left it.
the other two orders had pre-tips of $18 and $6 each (the $18 tip was for like 7 pizzas and wings). they were all in opposite directions, north, east, and south. so i took the big tipper's, then the medium tipper's, then hers. by the time i got there it had been 70 minutes since she ordered and as i rolled up, she came out of the house to shout at me for being late.
she asked "why the fuck did it take so long" so i straight up told her that i had three orders spread out, and that since she didn't tip, i took hers last. this set her off. she shouted about how i didn't know she wasn't gonna tip, and then called me a racist (i'm white, she's black).
so she called up the store and told my manager that i'm a racist, lied and said i yelled at her, this that and the other, and demanded a new fresh pizza. i was the only guy working and we had two other orders i needed to take, so i told the manager that i, quote, "am never gonna deliver to that lying bitch again."
my manager was cool with it, he knows about customer complaints i guess. so he told her that she'd get a refund but that we couldn't send another order out today.
she complained to corporate, and apparently the district manager called my in-store manager, who talked down the dm and said something like "we can't afford to lose staff right now"
aita for taking deliveries out of order to favor tippers over her? or for refusing redelivery after she yelled and lied about me yelling at her?
| 3,833 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojmo6g/aita_for_delivering_a_nontippers_pizza_last_and/
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2021-07-13 19:14:38
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yta not for delivering last but for telling her you didn’t deliver because she didn’t tip. that makes you look bad and gives her a reason to complain.
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yta. first off: the route you took based on pre-paid tips is 100% justified. however, there was no reason for you to explain in this detail why you took the route you took. a simple "i'm the only delivery driver right now, i had 2 other orders that needed delivering at the same time, and yours happened to be the last of the total delivery route. i apologize that our short staffing caused this delay" would have sufficed. by telling the customer that their absent pre-paid tip caused them to go to the back of the delivery route only served to agitate them beyond their issue of receiving a cold pizza after a 70 minute wait because the business you work for can't hire/schedule enough staff. you might have actually gotten some sympathy, gone from no tip to a surprise cash tip, and potentially better tips from this customer in the future.
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your employer sucks. being so understaffed a pizza takes 70 minutes to deliver is going to put your employees in the line of fire for an irate customer.
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i never pre-tip, but tip generously at the time of delivery (a little less generously if i think it took too long, but even then, it's at least an average tip). but unless it's restaurant policy to require tipping, then you can't treat some customers poorly just because you don't like them. i know it's your livelihood, but yta. it's an unpleasant part of your job.
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nta. i used to deliver pizzas in college (the good old days) and i would have done the exact same thing. probably wouldn’t have explicitly told her though. delivery drivers remember the houses that don’t tip, and act accordingly moving forward.
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esh - i get that tipping culture is a thing. i live in canada and find myself giving 15% when i pick up a coffee from local shops. it’s annoying. i get it.
but you shouldn’t have straight up told her that the reason she was the last to get service was because of not receiving a tip before. you get a tip for good service, so you punished her with poor service before even knowing if she was going to tip this time around. like she said.
her lying about what happened and calling you racist was definitely out of line and uncalled for. i don’t blame you at all for refusing to go back, but part of a job is dealing with bummers sometimes and you shouldn’t have treated her differently because you hadn’t been tipped in the past.
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unpopular opinion but yta for more or less everything that happened, including delivering her food last because she didn't tip and telling her about it. best case scenario would be you only taking as many deliveries as you can handle without the food losing level of quality and without it taking a ridiculous amount of time to get to the customers.
if that isn't possible, use maps to calculate the route that leads to all deliveries being completed in the most efficient manner, even if would be fairly similar drive times to each location.
tips are extra and meant to be given for particularly good service. you just proved her zero dollar tip to be justified by going out of your way to spite her (and then rub it in her face by telling her) because you didn't get the personal gain from the order that you would have preferred. if every service worker operated with spite in the same manner that you did then everything would be chaos because service workers all have different opinions of what they feel entitled to. customers are paying for a service and they do not deserve to be essentially blackmailed into paying your salary to ensure they will get what they paid for (in this case, a hot meal). i'm a service worker that lives off of tips too btw.
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i always tip in person so the delivery driver gets the money and not the company.
but i wouldn't tip for a massively late delivery, and if i had pre tipped and gotten such bad service, i would not have been happy.
you don't know if people who don't tip on the app are going to tip in person, so this is not a good assumption on your part.
yta.
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nta
but next time don't give that explanation, even if it is true. just say the other orders were in front of hers, or came in at exactly the same time as hers, even if, technically, they weren't and didn't. or blame it on traffic or car trouble. or, don't say anything at all. just, "here's your pizza, ma'am. not sure why it took so long. sorry." people who don't tip suck.
op=nta
irate pizza orderer and not tipper=the ah
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esh, you should deliver them in the order they are received. i would absolutely not tip a driver that i knew deliberately made me wait for my order because they simply assumed i wouldn't tip. that is petty. tips aren't required and it's not right to make certain customers wait longer for the food they paid for!
she also is an ah for being such a rude customer and claiming racism because you took longer.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was the only driver working, due to the restaurant being short staffed. this one lady ordered, and then two minutes later, two more orders came in. so i had to take a triple. the first time i delivered to her, she shouted at me to just leave the pizza on the porch. the second time, i just left it there. she didn't pre-tip so there was no chance for me to get a tip when i just left it. the other two orders had pre-tips of $18 and $6 each (the $18 tip was for like 7 pizzas and wings). they were all in opposite directions, north, east, and south. so i took the big tipper's, then the medium tipper's, then hers. by the time i got there it had been 70 minutes since she ordered and as i rolled up, she came out of the house to shout at me for being late. she asked "why the fuck did it take so long" so i straight up told her that i had three orders spread out, and that since she didn't tip, i took hers last. this set her off. she shouted about how i didn't know she wasn't gonna tip, and then called me a racist (i'm white, she's black). so she called up the store and told my manager that i'm a racist, lied and said i yelled at her, this that and the other, and demanded a new fresh pizza. i was the only guy working and we had two other orders i needed to take, so i told the manager that i, quote, "am never gonna deliver to that lying bitch again." my manager was cool with it, he knows about customer complaints i guess. so he told her that she'd get a refund but that we couldn't send another order out today. she complained to corporate, and apparently the district manager called my in-store manager, who talked down the dm and said something like "we can't afford to lose staff right now" aita for taking deliveries out of order to favor tippers over her? or for refusing redelivery after she yelled and lied about me yelling at her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was the only driver working, due to the restaurant being short staffed. this one lady ordered, and then two minutes later, two more orders came in. so i had to take a triple. the first time i delivered to her, she shouted at me to just leave the pizza on the porch. the second time, i just left it there. she didn't pre-tip so there was no chance for me to get a tip when i just left it. the other two orders had pre-tips of $18 and $6 each (the $18 tip was for like 7 pizzas and wings). they were all in opposite directions, north, east, and south. so i took the big tipper's, then the medium tipper's, then hers. by the time i got there it had been 70 minutes since she ordered and as i rolled up, she came out of the house to shout at me for being late. she asked "why the fuck did it take so long" so i straight up told her that i had three orders spread out, and that since she didn't tip, i took hers last. this set her off. she shouted about how i didn't know she wasn't gonna tip, and then called me a racist (i'm white, she's black). so she called up the store and told my manager that i'm a racist, lied and said i yelled at her, this that and the other, and demanded a new fresh pizza. i was the only guy working and we had two other orders i needed to take, so i told the manager that i, quote, "am never gonna deliver to that lying bitch again." my manager was cool with it, he knows about customer complaints i guess. so he told her that she'd get a refund but that we couldn't send another order out today. she complained to corporate, and apparently the district manager called my in-store manager, who talked down the dm and said something like "we can't afford to lose staff right now" aita for taking deliveries out of order to favor tippers over her? or for refusing redelivery after she yelled and lied about me yelling at her? [/INST] yta not for delivering last but for telling her you didn’t deliver because she didn’t tip. that makes you look bad and gives her a reason to complain. </s>
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AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?
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over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often.
my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things.
normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job.
i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted.
uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make.
i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number.
he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much.
i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.”
well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite.
aita?
| 29,712 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0oqvb/aita_for_telling_relatives_how_much_i_make_and/
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2020-07-30 16:08:27
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nta.
he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself.
don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto
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nta typical boomer bullshit. you work hard and have skills that companies are willing to pay that much for. good for you. it's not like you were rubbing it in his face either, he was pushing the topic. this just reeks of jealousy, pettiness and insecurities (of your uncle). he was being rude not you.
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nta for answering a question, but you should also have a clue now why talking about your salary is probably not a good idea.dont get me wrong, i absolutely believe you deserve it - salary is dependent on demand and supply and if you are a good software engineer, you get a high salary.
i (43f) work in a tech company (no software engineer) but am also an expert in my field and i also have a very good salary. i was a freelancer for 10 years before that and also made very good money - so i can afford things like a big apartment and so on and so forth.
i stopped talking about the money i earn, including to family because it causes envy and lots of revulsion - in my case mostly from the husbands or boyfriends of my female friends or male relatives. they dont get how a woman can earn this much money (scandalous!!!) bc they compare themselves and 99% of them earn 2/3 of what i earn at best.
even though i find it ridiculous and shameful for them, i kinda get it.
lets face it: salary is not something that is fair. a nurse, kindergarden-teacher etc. earn much less, but their jobs are at least as important or stressful as mine. the reasons why i earn this much, is bc in the industry i work in there is big money and specialized people earn lots of money. good for me! yes, i earned this through hard work and education and even more hard work - but do i earn it more than my sister who is a very skilled kindergarden-teacher or a nurse? of course not.
and those people who get aggitated are comparing themselves with you (and in your case your young age), remember what they earned then and what they earn now and start feeling bad about themselves and find it unfair. its their problem that they cant take a step back and see the big picture, but you can in the future prevent these kind of conflicts or people having bad feelings if you just dont specifically talk about the exact amount.
as i said: you are not responsible for the feelings of other people, due to your success - but if you want a peaceful life: dont give out the exact amount, stay vague and say: i earn quite well for my age or i earn good and put money aside or whatever.
(unless you want to annoy someone - then go ahead. who asks, gets the answer they deserve) ;)
ps: english is not my native language.
pps: i just saw that you are female. young, female and sucessful that is even more scandalous!!!!! ;) good for you - you rock!
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nta. text him everytime you get a raise
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nta, this is the same guy telling young people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. he's just pissed that you did.
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nta.
>insulted my uncle’s intelligence
there was nothing to insult.
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nta.
he asked a direct question.
you provided a direct answer.
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just out of curiosity, how much do you make?
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nta. he shouldn’t have asked if he was gonna be upset about the answer
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i know this is super unpopular, but *slight* esh.
you are pretty fresh out of school and making a ton of money as a software engineer. your uncle is a (possibly?) blue collar worker who has spent a whole career and made a fraction of the amount that you do. now that you are making bank you need to practice a little tact when speaking with those that made considerably less than you.
the uncle is a huge ass here mostly stemming from his clear insecurity about his salary, but it's really best not to engage here.
you say: “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.”
the insinuation here is that you work harder and are more valuable than your uncle who has decades of work experience. i don't know what he does, but i do know a ton of skill-based laborers who work their assess off and work way longer hours than most of my software engineering friends. i'm sure you work hard but that's not the reason you are making so much money. the reason you are making so much money is because you are smart, but also you had the opportunity to be trained in an extremely valuable trade. an opportunity that many, possibly your uncle, did not have. although it may be the case that you are now more valuable, economically, than your uncle, it's not something that you should be flaunting in front of him.
in a situation like this, simply rise above and don't engage. by arguing that you, a fresh college grad, is more valuable to society than your seasoned uncle is really just twisting a dagger. doesn't matter if it's true or if he provoked it, just avoid the situation and say, "yeah, crazy right?" or "i'm sorry you feel that way". you have nothing to prove or gain from trying to convince him that your salary difference is justified.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
over the weekend, i (23f) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who i don’t see very often. my dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and i haven’t either. he’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things. normally i just try to ignore him. however, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car i had shown up in and my new job. i started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and i worked hard for it. i make a lot of money and i’m proud of that. (software engineer.) i recently bought myself my dream car i’ve always wanted. uncle asked “how much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and i just point blank told him how much i make. i guess i was supposed to laugh and say something like “oh, enough” but i told him the number. he started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. i got pissed and said “i deserve every penny i make. i work hard and most people can’t do what i do.” well, i guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner i received a text from my cousin saying i had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence. my dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said i shouldn’t have said how much money i make or talked to my uncle the way i did because it was impolite. aita? [/INST] nta. he asked a question. you answered. he insulted you, and you defended yourself. don't dish it out if you can't take it is my motto </s>
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AITA for "embarrassing" my parents by putting out a tip jar?
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before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels.
they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college.
\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests.
| 7,713 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nqud5p/aita_for_embarrassing_my_parents_by_putting_out_a/
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2021-06-02 19:40:01
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yta because hitting up party guests in your own home is tacky. if you want to get paid to do gigs....then get yourself hired to play gigs.
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lol this is some major rich kid shit. yta donate that money to kids who actually can’t afford college
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yta for claiming it’s a college fund when you aren’t paying for college (as per your responses). just call it a tip jar.
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yta. from what you said, your parents didn't object to the tip jar, they objected to the sign. you know, the sign that was saying you needed money to pay for college when you're not paying for college.
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yta for several reasons
1. its a free party at your house, so they guests shouldn't have felt pressured to pay for anything. you knew the label "college fund" on the tip jar would make them sympathize for you.
2. you have no intention of using it for college.
3. you commented that you got a half ride and that your parents are paying for the other half, so why embarrass them in front of their guests painting them out to not have money to send their kid to college. (this would be different if they were not rich, but it's common knowledge that rich people can be very judgemental and classist, so this made your parents look bad. but even if you weren't rich it would look bad because its a free party.)
4. another commenter mentioned this, but if you need money so bad and you love playing piano, then get a gig doing just that. you could have easily put up a sign or made an announcement offering piano classes to the children of guests, or offering to play for future events and what you rates would be, etc.
however, if they're making you play for hours straight at these parties especially if you pleaded and protested against doing so, then i'd say nta.
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yta this is tacky af
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yta
this isn’t a restaurant, this is within your own home. that’s just tacky.
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yta. i get why you are doing it, but it is quite tacky. talk to your parents and see if they would be ok with you having business cards printed and placed on the piano while you play. maybe some of their swanky friends will hire you for an event.
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yta. i am assuming that your parents are financially supporting you through college? and they are obviously financially supporting you now. super tacky to beg from their guests without discussing in advance with them.
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yta. you did embarrass your parents. you were playing on a piano that they bought in a house that they bought. you were not performing on the street. what you did was very inappropriate. your parents probably didn't want to cause an argument at their party in their house so they let you keep the tip jar.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels. they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college. \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before the world went to shit, my parents loved hosting big parties. they'd ask me to play piano during these parties, and i'd usually oblige. i've been playing piano since i was 5 and have competed at the state and national levels. they recently resumed hosting parties now that a lot of their friends have been vaccinated. usually, i come downstairs, play a few liszt/chopin pieces, and head back upstairs to my room because there's no one my age at these parties. before the most recent party, i got the idea of putting out a tip jar with a sign saying "pianoboy12345's college fund" along with my cashapp, venmo, and paypal. i did this because i'm going to college in the fall and want some extra spending money. my parents are pretty well off and most of their friends are also well off, so i ended up earning almost $1000 that night. my mom came up to me after the party was over and said i embarrassed her and my dad because the sign suggested that they're going to have trouble paying for my college. \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ well, i had a talk with my parents and they said i should've 1. ran the tip jar idea by them first and 2. changed the wording on the sign (ty to all the commenters who left suggestions). they're not going to cut me off as some have suggested. and for those who told me to get a real job, i'll be teaching the 8 year old son of one of the party guests. [/INST] yta because hitting up party guests in your own home is tacky. if you want to get paid to do gigs....then get yourself hired to play gigs. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband he “should have just married a white woman”
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for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well.
i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again.
first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now.
last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman.
he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way.
i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?
| 27,186 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaubc9/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_have_just/
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2020-08-16 15:32:21
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nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you.
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nta - you made him feel racist because he was being racist. it was really mean of him to make those comments and hide your scarf. i think you should go to counseling if only to have a third party tell him how wrong he was for doing that to you.
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wait so he said “are we doing slave tonight” but you made him feel like a racist?? go ahead and call the race therapist asap. also! you need back up scarves sis, i have like 4. hide my shyt, try me :)
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nta
wtf as a black woman with a white husband, when i lost my bonnet, he went to target late at night to grab me a few new ones.
you can’t marry a black woman and not want her to do black woman things. disgusting slave comment too. wtf is he thinking.
dont let him gaslight you!
this started with him putting what he wanted over you and even trying to force you to do what he wants and saying it looks like a slave to sway you away from it.
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nta... he was being racist, though? you might tolerate or be forgiving of the slavery jokes but another black girl might not be. not sure why he's upset he was made to "feel racist" when he was being racist. keep wrapping your hair, get counseling for your bfs immaturity. i hope he treats you better in the future or you find someone more respectful.
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he's right, the two of you should go to therapy to discuss your race issues. his issue is that he doesn't understand what it means to be married to a black woman with 4c hair. he needs a safe space to ask questions and get answers that aren't yelled at him.
wear your headscarf; no relationship is worth sacrificing your edges.
nta.
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nta
if he feels like a racist it's not because you 'made him' feel like a racist. it's because he is acting like a racist. referring to your wife as a slave is an extremely racist thing to do. done once, it would have been a joke in extremely bad taste. done repeatedly, he's just a genuine racist.
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nta. saying your wife looks like a slave is, without question, a racist statement to make. you didn’t make him feel racist. his attitude toward your scarf and hair care is racist.
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nta. i have 4c chemically straighten hair, in my country almost all women have the same done to their hairs and we sleep with hair nets, not even beautiful and stilish silk scarfs, and our so don't mess with us for that. it looks like he needs a reality check on two things, first being the fact the women have flaws and work to be beautiful and two that having a black wife is not a pass for racist jokes and to mess with (black) grooming issues he doesn't understand.
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nta
you should go to couples counseling for racial issues because he's being fucking racist. telling a black woman who has her hair in a scarf that she looks like a slave is disgusting and clearly he knows thats racist otherwise he wouldn't feel guilty when you snapped at him.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context i’m a black woman and my husband is white. i have 4c hair and i wrap my hair in a satin scarf to go to bed. for those of you who don’t know what that means, basically my hair curl pattern is really tightly coiled so my hair texture is kinky and easily tangled and easily breakable if not taken care of well. i used to sleep on a satin pillowcase when my hair was shorter and had a lower chance of tangling while i tossed and turned in my sleep. but recently i’ve added oils to my nightly routine and since my hair is a bit pass my shoulders now, the chances of it tangling are higher and i don’t want my pillowcases to get soaked with oils so i started wrapping my hair up again. first night i wore it my husband said that i looked like a slave which- ok was a little bit funny and a little bit true in my scarf and nightgown combo so i let him have that one. but since then, it’s the little comments when i get into bed. like “are we doing the slave tonight?” or “should i help you into bed grandma?” little things like that. i’ve explained why l do it, and i think he understands that but he simply doesn’t like it and my hope was that he’d get used to it by now. last night i was getting ready for bed and i couldn’t find my scarf anywhere so i asked dh if he’d seen it and he admitted that the hid it but wouldn’t tell me where. he wouldn’t stop joking around even when i got visibly upset and said he wished he could run his fingers through my hair or something along those lines and i snapped and said if he wanted that he should have married a white woman. he got really quiet after that and told me where he hid it. we haven’t talked much about it but there’s this air of awkwardness. the only times he mentioned it was this morning when he said that we should look into counseling for our “race issues” and that i made him feel really racist and i didn’t think about it that way. i thought he was upset because i yelled at him but i didn’t think it was the statement itself (granted i probably should not have brought race into it but i wanted to illustrate a point.) now he’s suggesting couples counseling to get through our “race issues”? i don’t think it was that serious and i don’t want to go through all that. aita? [/INST] nta saying your black wife looks like a slave is fucking weird and racist. trying to control how you style your hair is weird. being so bothered by a headscarf is weird. i think he’s the only one with “race issues” that he’s projecting on to you. </s>
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AITA for making my daughter return a Halloween costume.
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this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me.
my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes.
i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories.
her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason.
now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours.
| 11,645 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zd62bi/aita_for_making_my_daughter_return_a_halloween/
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2022-12-05 12:55:19
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yta
congrats, you just strained your relationship with your daughter for $80 that weren't ever yours.
hope it was worth it
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yta.
your daughter works. she earns money. her money. as long as her obligations are taken care of, what does it matter if she splurges $80 on a costume?? she can reuse it another time!
just being her parent doesn't give you control of money she earns through her work.
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what you wanted to teach your daughter: the value of saving.
what she learned: her mother cares more about money than friendships and her daughter's happiness.
furthermore, you taught her that you will micromanage her until she moves out.
congratulations, your lesson on $80 will prompt her to be spending that money on rent, utilities and groceries at her first opportunity! hopefully one of her friends will be her roommate.
yta.
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yta. she had spent her own money on the costume and the point of the contest was to have fun with her friends. the $100 prize was irrelevant.
$80 for a wonderful memory and experience. unfortunately, she will always remember this halloween and how you ruined it for her. how often have you looked back on your childhood and remembered how your parent destroyed a fun moment?
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yta 100%
did you ever think that maybe having fun with her friends, getting a group picture together in their costumes, the feeling of winning a contest and being part of something, might be worth more than eighty bucks to your daughter?
you're not helping her to do anything but resent you. this is her money that she earns on top of doing school every day. you had no right to tell her to return the costume, and she has every right to be angry. all you did was ostracize her from her friend group. for $80.
you took away memories and experiences and wonderful, friendship-bonding moments for $80.
can't wait for the day you tell her not to bother with a graduation gown or bridal dress or anything else that she'll only spend a few hours in because the memories aren't worth the money!
go apologise to your daughter.
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yta. she works 5 days a week after school and should be able to enjoy some of her money. a halloween costume isn't just an outfit you wear for a few hours it is part of an event, one she could not participate in because of you.
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info: was it her own money?
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yta, especially if it was her owned earned money. she wanted to have fun with friends, and you took that from her. being a teenager is hard, why would you intentionally make it harder because you thought it was financially irresponsible even though she is working that much.
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> but at the end of the day i saved her 80$.
this is why your daughter is upset. you showed her that you value money more than her experiences as a teenager. she probably was looking forward to this and by your own admission she is missing out on a lot of things due to work.
yta
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yta she's 16 and bought the costume with her own money which she worked for and saved. she set a goal andworked for it. this was obviously something she was excited about and you decided it was worth $80 - of her money to go ahead and ruin? i would have never done that to my child, i understand teaching responsibility but there's a time and place for everything- this wasn't one of them. i think you owe your daughter a huge apology
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me. my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes. i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories. her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason. now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened in oct and my daughter is still acting cold and hardly speaking to me. my daughter (f16) works an after school job 5 days a week. her high school had a costume contest for halloween. my daughter and her friends planned a group costume to enter. she went with her friends after school to buy costumes. i picked her and her friends up from the store and they showed me their costumes. my daughter spent 80$ on hers. i was pissed that’s a lot of money to spend on something your going to wear for a few hours. very irresponsible use of money. i told her as much in the car told her it was ridiculous. i dropped her friends off and took her back to the store to return the costume and accessories. her friends found someone eles to take her place in the group and they won the contest and a 100$ visa gift card to split. my daughter came home from school on halloween upset she claimed she had to sit and watch while her friends had fun and she missed out on everything. i pointed out to her after splitting the gift card it would be way less then she spent on the costume and it was only a few hours but she didn’t want to listen to reason. now a month later and she is still moody and mostly ignoring me. my ex husband told me i made her miss out and she works so much she missed out on a lot of stuff with her friends and i could have let her have this. but at the end of the day i saved her 80$. i just trying to teach my daughter how to be responsible with money she could have gotten a cheap costume especially since i she would have only worn it for a few hours. [/INST] yta congrats, you just strained your relationship with your daughter for $80 that weren't ever yours. hope it was worth it </s>
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AITA for making Gargoyle noises while my overtly loud roommates have sex late into the night after repeatedly asking them to quiet down?
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so, i've been having this problem for a while now with my roommate. but basically, his girlfriend makes ridiculously loud moans and screams during sex late into the night on weekdays that keeps me awake.
i've asked him numerous times to just have his gf not do that since it is something he can control and me and my gf are quiet when it's late on a weeknight out of common courtesy.
well, it didn't stop.
anyway, since i'm at my wit's end for him not respecting my wishes, i've decided that whenever it happens to make grotesque, gargoyle noises beneath them and scream it out of my window until i kill their mood as a way to put a stop to it.
the noises are kind of, like, skreeeeeeeoooooooash! skreeeeascchhhhh! followed by snorts and the like.
so far, it has proven about 50% effective, and he is asking me what i'm doing downstairs. i brush it off like it's no big deal and i really don't know what he's talking about, citing it's probably my other roommates playing video games. his audibly loud gf (amazingly) seems able to stop her moaning and screaming during sex whenever the first floor gargoyle rears its ugly head.
aita for making gargoyle noises to ruin my roommate's mood with his gf because he won't respect my wishes to not have audibly loud sex in the middle of the night on weekdays?
*inserted a clip that approximates the noise: https://youtu.be/8ij3l4mpuzw?t=8
| 17,894 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b1jd5i/aita_for_making_gargoyle_noises_while_my_overtly/
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2019-03-15 19:51:50
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nta. mostly because i don’t think i’m going to stop laughing at this mental image.
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nta, this is a hilarious and creative response to him ignoring your reasonable request.
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nta, lol some people jerk off to those moans some people make gargoyle noises to shut them up. 😂
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shp, but a pretty funny one.
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nta, pretty childish but it's funny and at least you're making light of the situation. have you tried asking his girlfriend directly? tell her that she is a guest in your house and you don't appreciate her keeping you up all night. but hey, i'm all for making love loud and proud and it kinda sucks to have to be hush about it, but you do need to be respectful of noise when you live with others. it doesn't matter what the noise is, no one should be keeping up their roommates with obnoxious noise in the night because that is really rude. it kinda seems like maybe they're just showing off at this point?
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yta because that’s not the sound gargoyles make. they are named after the sound they make-gargling. you are completely misrepresenting one of their most distinctive features.
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nta, but it’s hilarious.
no one wants to hear people fuck, that’s icky. but playing making gargoyle noises is childish....but very funny.
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nta
i am loud during sex but i can control myself somewhat. if its just me and hubby at home, its noise all the way. but if anyone else is home its not hard to bite the pillow.
confront her about it. tell ner you don't like hearing her sex noises and if she cant be respectful of others in the house she cant stay there.
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nta, lmao
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nta. that's probably the most creative response to that issue i've heard of. i wonder if you could get a recording of his mother to play at top volume, to save your vocal cords? if not, maybe fran drescher would be an alternative. i can't imagine anyone listening to her and keeping an erection.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i've been having this problem for a while now with my roommate. but basically, his girlfriend makes ridiculously loud moans and screams during sex late into the night on weekdays that keeps me awake. i've asked him numerous times to just have his gf not do that since it is something he can control and me and my gf are quiet when it's late on a weeknight out of common courtesy. well, it didn't stop. anyway, since i'm at my wit's end for him not respecting my wishes, i've decided that whenever it happens to make grotesque, gargoyle noises beneath them and scream it out of my window until i kill their mood as a way to put a stop to it. the noises are kind of, like, skreeeeeeeoooooooash! skreeeeascchhhhh! followed by snorts and the like. so far, it has proven about 50% effective, and he is asking me what i'm doing downstairs. i brush it off like it's no big deal and i really don't know what he's talking about, citing it's probably my other roommates playing video games. his audibly loud gf (amazingly) seems able to stop her moaning and screaming during sex whenever the first floor gargoyle rears its ugly head. aita for making gargoyle noises to ruin my roommate's mood with his gf because he won't respect my wishes to not have audibly loud sex in the middle of the night on weekdays? *inserted a clip that approximates the noise: https://youtu.be/8ij3l4mpuzw?t=8
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, i've been having this problem for a while now with my roommate. but basically, his girlfriend makes ridiculously loud moans and screams during sex late into the night on weekdays that keeps me awake. i've asked him numerous times to just have his gf not do that since it is something he can control and me and my gf are quiet when it's late on a weeknight out of common courtesy. well, it didn't stop. anyway, since i'm at my wit's end for him not respecting my wishes, i've decided that whenever it happens to make grotesque, gargoyle noises beneath them and scream it out of my window until i kill their mood as a way to put a stop to it. the noises are kind of, like, skreeeeeeeoooooooash! skreeeeascchhhhh! followed by snorts and the like. so far, it has proven about 50% effective, and he is asking me what i'm doing downstairs. i brush it off like it's no big deal and i really don't know what he's talking about, citing it's probably my other roommates playing video games. his audibly loud gf (amazingly) seems able to stop her moaning and screaming during sex whenever the first floor gargoyle rears its ugly head. aita for making gargoyle noises to ruin my roommate's mood with his gf because he won't respect my wishes to not have audibly loud sex in the middle of the night on weekdays? *inserted a clip that approximates the noise: https://youtu.be/8ij3l4mpuzw?t=8 [/INST] nta. mostly because i don’t think i’m going to stop laughing at this mental image. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother's girlfriend what he was planning to do before he passed away?
|
my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother.
here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues.
seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her.
i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did.
| 13,402 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sct27x/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_girlfriend_what_he/
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2022-01-26 01:00:38
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yta - what good is that information to her, it was only going to hurt her more. she has a right to mourn for him. they were still together, and whose to say they wouldn't have worked through their issues had he discussed them with her.
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holy hell yta. what a horribly cruel thing to do
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oh, not “might” be, you’re a raging asshole. you have your family. she’s lost her place to live on top of the loss of her boyfriend. way to kick someone while they’re down.
yta
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yta.
this wasn't something she needed to hear. you literally watched her spiral into a deep dark depression where she was rapidly losing weight not showering barely functioning and you thought this was an ideal time to sit down and say "hey yea brother just passed but btw he was planning on dumping you next month. he wasn't happy with you and no longer wanted to be with you. welp that's off my chest bye"
seriously? she is still in the stages of grief of losing him suddenly. also he could've changed his mind since it wasn't set in stone. you were unnecessarily cruel to her to be cruel to her. you had no reason to tell her this (nor so soon) and you did it because you wanted to be cruel. you're beyond the ta. you need to grow up go to therapy and actually reflect on what you did. no amounts of apologies will mend this. you've screwed up the relationship you had with her and your family forever.
shame on you.
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info: are you going back upstairs to kick her later? might as well.
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[removed]
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dude. yta.
what outcome were you expecting there?
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yta what is the point of telling her? did you really think that would make her feel better, not worse? and if you knew it would upset her...then why in the world? this is the kind of thing you don't ever have to say. what would be the reason? he's not here anymore.
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yta. no possible good could come if telling her this. except maybe easing your conscience; you should have told someone - anyone - else. ffs.
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hmmm...this scenario was the top post in one of those (bored panda?) posts about 'secrets that don't need to be told' earlier today.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother. here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues. seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her. i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (m17) older brother (m26) passed away 3 weeks ago in an auto accident. it was devastating for the entire family though he was low contact with them for minor disagreements. his girlfriend was the one devastated the most, she didn't eat or take a shower for an entire week. my parents took her in last week because she could no longer afford rent for the apartment she shared with my brother. here's the situation, before my brother passed away, i think this took place a month ago. he confined in me his problems with his girlfriend and said he was planning on breaking up with her next month (jan) i thought that was too much for his girlfriend since she'd always been the one to try to work things out but my brother had issues. seeing his girlfriend depressed to the point of losing weight and hearing her break down crying multiple times a day, i decided to sit down and tell her what my brother was planning on doing. i didn't just dish it out on her, i just told her what he told me but she reacted in a very negative way, she had a break down crying and screaming at me. my parents came rushing asking what was happenning and i told them after my brother's girlfriend rushed upstairs. my parents berated me saying i should never have said this to her seeing how breaved and struggling she was. i explained that i felt bad for her and didn't think it was fair for me to hide this important truth from her. they told me i had no right and this was not a good timing...also said that i just made it worse and tainted my brother's memory for her and confused her even more. i got punished harshly but my friends agreed i did the right thing since my brother's girlfriend's situation is just tragic and she needed this piece of info and i was right and considerate to give it to her. i really think i just let her know this because i felt guilty for hiding the truth from her but i might be ta for what i did. [/INST] yta - what good is that information to her, it was only going to hurt her more. she has a right to mourn for him. they were still together, and whose to say they wouldn't have worked through their issues had he discussed them with her. </s>
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AITA for ruining my brother's date night and having him come pick his 3yo son up after he dropped him off at my house right before my shift?
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i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends.
kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first.
last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home.
he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend.
it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that.
aita?
| 27,482 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sau0y0/aita_for_ruining_my_brothers_date_night_and/
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2022-01-23 13:48:04
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nta.
>he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency...
were they defusing a bomb together or something?
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nta
change your locks. and put your brother's number on do not disturb.
he can hire a sitter if he wants to go out so badly.
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nta and you probably saved some poor young woman from having your nephew dumped on her. your brother isn’t dating. he’s looking for a mommy-mcbang-maid.
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nta, change your locks
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nta. personally, i would take him up on calling his date and then i'd explain the situation to her - because any woman actually okay with his behavior here would be atrocious stepmom material and should be promptly out of his life.
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getting laid is not an emergency.
also,
"a lack of planning on your part does not constitue an emergency on mine."
nta
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nta... in a real emergency i get that your brother doesn't have much choice. but that only applies to a real emergency not a date. your brother is an asshole not just for the way he treats you but also how he treats his son. he treats his son like he can just drop him off somewhere whenever he likes. like his son is an inconvenience. that's disgusting.
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if i was that date i would be horrified to be dating a man who dumps his kid and runs! nta
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info: do you honestly think there’s a chance you’re the asshole here?
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nta and change your locks as he clearly cannot be trusted with a key.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i m32 have a brother m30 (kevin) who is a single dad to a 3yo, kevin lives in the same city as me we don't have any family of relatives here just a few friends. kevin has a habit of dumping his kid on me at random times to watch while he goes out on dates with women. so far he's gone out for 4 dates while expecting me to watch my nephew. it bothered me because i have work commitments (i'm a nurse) and my schedule can unpredictable, and so he caused me issues at work for dropping his kid off at my house without telling me first. last week he did it again, he came over at 6pm and entered my house with my nephew (he had a spare key) while i was showering and left the house immediately. i got out of the shower and was shocked to see my nephew standing there alone. i asked where his dad was and he said he just left. i knew he wanted me to watch my nephew, i called him several times on the phone and he did not pick up. i was so mad and almost freaking out because i was getting late for my shift. i sent him a text telling him to come pick his son up right now or i'd call cops on him for child abandonment. he texted back begging that i suck it up just this time because he had an important date and he couldn't leave in the middle of it. i told him that i was serious and i'd do it and gave him 10 minutes to get home. he got home looking pissed and started yelling at me for ruining his date and making him leave in the middle of it, just because i couldn't bother skip one damn shift to watch my nephew. i told him i never agreed to watch his son and he made me do it. he said that it was an emergency which made me laugh because calling a date night "emergency" is just absurd. long story short he left with my nephew but hasn't stopped blaming me for spoiling his date and probably causing damage to the relationship between him and his "potential" girlfriend. it's been a week and he's still salty about it demanding i make it to him and call his date and lie to her and tell her some sob story about why he had to leave like that but i said i won't do that. aita? [/INST] nta. >he had an important date...he said tha[t it was] an emergency... were they defusing a bomb together or something? </s>
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AITA for getting upset that my sister’s fiancé pulled me aside and patted me down at their wedding?
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the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways.
i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months.
i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once.
she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that.
she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through.
despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there.
when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in.
when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me.
he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid.
at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.”
i just went to go find a seat after that.
after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.”
i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this.
aita?
| 32,123 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cmvrbe/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_sisters_fiancé/
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2019-08-06 20:29:03
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nta. his reaction was so unnecessary and he is the one who caused a spectacle by trying to pat you down in front of everyone.
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nta
who pats someone down at a wedding? if you were a gang banger known for carrying weapons, maybe, but not an addict.
and if it was really necessary, there’s so many other ways he could have gone about it that would make him not ta. but to do something like that in front of all the other guests is humiliating and completely out of line (and i’d wonder if it was purposeful humiliation).
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[deleted]
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unpopular opinion, but esh, leaning towards you being ta. you've *physically fought* your bil while high at a family event once. he should have done it privately, but you have an insanely long road towards regaining the trust of anyone in your family, **especially** your sister and bil, seeing as you've been in a physical altercation with him in the past due to your drug use. i have several addicts in my family who have totally burned bridges, and not being able to keep your cool when faced with severe distrust is going to start that process.
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nta if he didn't want you there he shouldn't have invited you. i hope your sister didn't know about his plan beforehand.
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esh, he doesn’t have any right to do that but yelling is not going to get anyone on your side.
you’ve fucked over your sister in the past, maybe you should give the guy that loves her a break.
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nta. i understand where he was coming from, but the situation called for some subtlety and privacy. a serious talk before the wedding (even if you feel it was unnecessary) would have been appropriate, and if they really felt like it was necessary, then pulling you aside when you got there to ask if you brought anything and maybe politely ask you to turn out your pockets (although i would say that might be a bit much, however i don't know the full past with your family here and maybe that would be reasonable).
starting a fight over it and insisting on doing it in front of everybody as they were walking in was a dick move.
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yta but he’s not totally innocent either. still not enough for esh.
you’ve put your sister through a lot, and i can’t help but feel like your bil has heard about it all. your sister loves you and is more forgiving about it, but your bil probably sees it as you manipulating her. i’m glad to hear you are getting clean but while you’ve known when you can and can’t trust yourself, the ones you love haven’t had that luxury. as much as i’m sure you are clean now (and congratulations on that), i feel like it’s happened before that you’ve lied about being clean in the past.
weddings involving immediate family are a big deal for anyone. you’re seeing family members you don’t always see. i could totally see that being a trigger or a stressor. he doesn’t know how you’ve coped with that type of thing before. or maybe he has heard past excuses for relapses and such, idk. i can’t imagine the conversation about you being invited to the wedding was an easy one for them.
what he did wasn’t necessarily right. you didn’t necessarily deserve it. but it would have went a lot more smoothly if you just asked to do it more discreetly (in a more private location) or just let it happen. they probably should have told you if he planned on doing this but i’m thinking he did this without talking to your sister about it?
being a recovering addict doesn’t make you a terrible person. it just means that you’ve had to start at or below ground zero on earning people’s trust. that sucks, but you made an ass of yourself and humiliated yourself when you were using. at least this type of humiliation is going towards building something worthwhile. it’s not fair to expect people to just suddenly trust you 100%. that’s going to take years of hard work and staying clean, not to mention some embarrassing encounters.
rather than being frustrated about it, i’d consider these things additional milestones. “this person didn’t think i was capable of attending my sisters wedding without a fix. i proved them wrong and i’ve made it to a point where i can do that. yay.” every time someone is wrong to be suspicious of you, it’s another thing to celebrate considering that if you hadn’t stuck through the hard times they would be right. every time someone thinks this or that might send you off the deep end, celebrate the fact that it didn’t rather than being offended that they would think it in the first place.
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yta - per your comments, you have gone to family events before high and had physical fights with your brother in law.
you mentioned getting in a few physical fights but didn't elaborate.
you've been sober for 6 months, and i commend you for that. that's so awesome! but 6 months of sobriety doesn't erase years of addict behavior.
your sister bailed you out at the expense of herself and her life with her husband. don't kid yourself into thinking that your addiction didn't negatively impact their relationship and her health.
the thing is that when you've spent years abusing someone's trust, you don't just get the trust back. you need to earn it, and your behavior caused your family to lose trust in you. yes, your bil behaved poorly and he seems like an asshole, but now your entire family thinks you have something to hide. you didn't really screw over your sister as much as you screwed over yourself.
you could have just taken the patdown, and pulled your sister aside after the wedding and explained how hurt and humiliated you were. how you didn't make a scene because you love her, but you don't appreciate the behavior and would have really appreciated a private discreet patdown. your bil would have looked like an ass and your sister would have been on your side, because she would have had eyewitness proof that you weren't carrying anything.
because you made a big scene, and yelled, your family and bil are reminding your sister that last time you acted this way you were high. there's no way for you to prove you weren't hiding something, and your anger made you look guilty. your sister is now bracing herself for the worst.
do you think it wasn't humiliating to your sister to have to bail out her addict brother? but she did it anyways because she loves you. at her wedding, you were faced with the same thing. undergo something humiliating just to make your sister's day as stress free as possible and you decided that she wasn't worth the humiliation.
if you're really serious about having a relationship with your sister, you will apologize to both your sister and bil, and explain how you were feeling hurt and humiliated and lashed out.
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info: do you have a history of inappropriate behavior at family events or ruining important occasions?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.665712 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways. i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months. i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once. she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that. she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through. despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there. when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in. when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me. he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid. at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.” i just went to go find a seat after that. after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.” i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds so stupid but here we go anyways. i’m 24 and i’m an addict who has been in recovery for the past six months. i used and used until i was basically in poverty and my older sister helped bail me out more than once. she’s my best friend and i know it hurt her a lot to see me like that. she also met her fiancé two years ago and he really only knew me as the junkie brother then. he’s not my biggest fan to say the least considering how much i put my sister through. despite this she still invited me to her wedding last week because i am her brother and she wanted me to be there. when i get to the reception, my brother in law is greeting people as they walk in. when i walk by he pulls me to the side and in front of everyone starts patting me down and says that he needs to check me to make sure i “didn’t bring anything in”. i instinctively pull away, because why wouldn’t i, and i tell him not to touch me. he tells me to “calm down” and that if i want to be here then he needs to do this. i tell him he’s being ridiculous and i try to push past him. he stops me and tells me that he doesn’t want to throw me out but he “will if he has to.” i told him that he’s trying to look tough but it’s just making him look stupid. at this point i’m getting more and more angry and i’m practically yelling in his face at this point. bystanders came between us and separated us and told my bil to just “drop it.” he said he would but that “they can deal with it when i get out of hand.” i just went to go find a seat after that. after the reception, a lot of my family told me that i should’ve let him just do it and that i was acting like a huge asshole and like i had “something to hide.” i don’t think he had any right to pat me down, especially in front of people and i don’t think my reaction was over the top. if anything, he was the one acting like a huge douche by trying to start drama so he can look tough. my sister has refused to take any sides in this. aita? [/INST] nta. his reaction was so unnecessary and he is the one who caused a spectacle by trying to pat you down in front of everyone. </s>
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AITA for being honest with my parents about my childhood?
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i (24m) was poor growing up. we had to rough it throughout my childhood and teenager years. college was funded solely by scholarships and shitty part time jobs. i don't hold any resentment towards my parents over this, but it was hard at the time. i think i would still be struggling now, had things been different.
i met my partner (31m) during my sophomore year and we've been together for just under 5 years. his family was in the exact opposite financial situation as mine. he has an established position in his father's company - he has since we met - and works remotely.
since my graduation in may, we've spent almost the entire summer with his parents, sight seeing and bouncing around to their different vacation homes. it was such a wonderful experience. i never thought i'd experience something like that, but the adjustment was easier than i expected.
as we headed back home this week, we stopped by to visit my parents (45f and 47m). while there, i mentioned that this summer felt like "what all the summer breaks of my childhood should've been" and how excited i was for the future when my partner and i have children and can give them this treatment.
my mother apparently took incredible offense to what i had said and said they had done the best they could for me as a child. i replied that i never claimed any differently. the argument ended with us still not seeing eye to eye, and my husband and i made an early departure than we had been planning on thanks to the tension in the house that remained.
aita?
| 3,944 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wd4qeb/aita_for_being_honest_with_my_parents_about_my/
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2022-08-01 01:31:32
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yta.
you can be honest about your childhood by saying you were poor. saying "my childhood should've been like this," when your parents didn't choose to be poor is a huge ah move.
"it was so easy to adjust."
someone please take the silver spoon out of op's mouth.
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yta
"what your summer breaks should have been "? how utterly insensitive and hurtful. your parents didn't choose to be poor...no one does. it's shocking that you don't see how unkind what you said was.
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>i mentioned that this summer felt like "what all the summer breaks of my childhood should've been"
yta. you told your parents they should have been wealthy enough to afford vacation homes and months of travel for summer holidays. how could you expect them not to be hurt?
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yta.
you weren’t “honest with your parents about your childhood.” your words were thoughtless and cruel, and they make you sound like an entitled ingrate.
>> my mother apparently took incredible offense to what i had said and said they had done the best they could for me as a child. *i replied that i never claimed any differently.*
yeah, except you *did just that* when you said, “what all the summer breaks of my childhood should’ve been.” you essentially told your parents that they failed because they, like the *majority of people*, didn’t own multiple vacation homes for you to spend your summers at.
you’re walking proof that money, or in this case a spouse’s money, doesn’t buy class.
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yta, that was a low blow to your parents, even if it wasn't intentional. you could have easily worded that differently so it didn't essentially come out as "if we weren't so poor when i was growing up i could have had amazing summers" which is pretty much how i see it as being worded.
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yta.
and you quoted yourself, using the phrase that probably got your mom upset: "what all the summer breaks of my childhood should've been".
shouid've. not what you wished they could have been. what they **should've** been.
that one word -- should -- was loaded with implied criticism. no wonder your mom took offense.
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as a formerly poor parent, i hope i never hear something like that from my grown children. i think it all the time as it is. you may not have meant to hurt them, but you sure did. i'm not gonna say you're an asshole, because your perception of your childhood is your own, but it would be great if you could communicate it better with your parents.
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yta. i was all set for something that toed the line here, but no, you jumped right over decency. "should have" been? is everyone owed that? it'd be nice, but ... that's not how the world works, and that was an incredibly hurtful thing to say. if you can't see that, you at least need to say the words to your parents. those were inside thoughts, op. not words to be spoken aloud. and not the ones about your kids either.
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why op why
yta
\> but the adjustment was easier than i expected.
i'm shocked shocked, that you found it easy to adjust to a fancy lifestyle.
totally unnecessary to shame your parents that they couldn't do that for you. you literally could have just said *nothing.*
&#x200b;
now, i'm not saying ops a gold digger...
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yta, be nice to your parents damn. you said they tried their absolute best, they didnt neglect you or anything. "this is how my summers should have been" is incredibly cruel considering they did their best. vacations are not a right.
also you were probably groomed. you met your partner when you were around 16, and he was 23. started dating when you were around 19 and he was 26. maybe reevaluate.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24m) was poor growing up. we had to rough it throughout my childhood and teenager years. college was funded solely by scholarships and shitty part time jobs. i don't hold any resentment towards my parents over this, but it was hard at the time. i think i would still be struggling now, had things been different. i met my partner (31m) during my sophomore year and we've been together for just under 5 years. his family was in the exact opposite financial situation as mine. he has an established position in his father's company - he has since we met - and works remotely. since my graduation in may, we've spent almost the entire summer with his parents, sight seeing and bouncing around to their different vacation homes. it was such a wonderful experience. i never thought i'd experience something like that, but the adjustment was easier than i expected. as we headed back home this week, we stopped by to visit my parents (45f and 47m). while there, i mentioned that this summer felt like "what all the summer breaks of my childhood should've been" and how excited i was for the future when my partner and i have children and can give them this treatment. my mother apparently took incredible offense to what i had said and said they had done the best they could for me as a child. i replied that i never claimed any differently. the argument ended with us still not seeing eye to eye, and my husband and i made an early departure than we had been planning on thanks to the tension in the house that remained. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) was poor growing up. we had to rough it throughout my childhood and teenager years. college was funded solely by scholarships and shitty part time jobs. i don't hold any resentment towards my parents over this, but it was hard at the time. i think i would still be struggling now, had things been different. i met my partner (31m) during my sophomore year and we've been together for just under 5 years. his family was in the exact opposite financial situation as mine. he has an established position in his father's company - he has since we met - and works remotely. since my graduation in may, we've spent almost the entire summer with his parents, sight seeing and bouncing around to their different vacation homes. it was such a wonderful experience. i never thought i'd experience something like that, but the adjustment was easier than i expected. as we headed back home this week, we stopped by to visit my parents (45f and 47m). while there, i mentioned that this summer felt like "what all the summer breaks of my childhood should've been" and how excited i was for the future when my partner and i have children and can give them this treatment. my mother apparently took incredible offense to what i had said and said they had done the best they could for me as a child. i replied that i never claimed any differently. the argument ended with us still not seeing eye to eye, and my husband and i made an early departure than we had been planning on thanks to the tension in the house that remained. aita? [/INST] yta. you can be honest about your childhood by saying you were poor. saying "my childhood should've been like this," when your parents didn't choose to be poor is a huge ah move. "it was so easy to adjust." someone please take the silver spoon out of op's mouth. </s>
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AITA for hosting my bf’s birthday meal somewhere that didn’t serve pizza because that’s ALL he eats?
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my boyfriend is an extremely successful professional. he’s kind and humble, definitely has a nice body, etc. he’s well adjusted in literally everything else bar diet.
we’ve been together 3 years and in that time all i’ve noticed this guy will eat is goddamn pizza. most days he’ll go to one of those cheap halal places and buy a small pizza, cut it up and toss it into a salad.
family gatherings, he’ll go straight for the pizza. dinner time, pizza. we go to 5 guys, he’ll get a freaking grilled cheese with a side of pickles. date night. fancy pizza places. he will not stray.
i’ve spoke to him about it and he just shrugs and says its what he prefers. i’ve told him how upsetting it is for my boyfriend and i to want to experience interesting cuisine together but i can’t do that because all he’ll eat when we are out is pizza. i’ve asked him if it’s a comfort thing or if he thinks he has an eating disorder, but he just swears up and down he actually just likes and prefers pizza. i’ve asked him to be more adventurous and he says he will but never actually does.
his birthday was last week and i was just so at my wits end and sick of goddamn pizza that i organized dinner at a japanese place which my parents love and his parents love. we went and he was genuinely so upset that there was no pizza he just drank cocktails all night and didn’t eat at all. he was a good sport and engaging to everybody but i felt awful that he didn’t eat.
when we were on our way home he thanked me but said he was really sad that he didn’t get to eat his favorite food.
i’m in 2 minds about whether or not i’m the asshole here, because i feel bad he didn’t get to eat at his own birthday dinner but at the same time, i’ve never seen him eat anything else other than pizza and that’s god’s honest truth.
| 3,580 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/caza74/aita_for_hosting_my_bfs_birthday_meal_somewhere/
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2019-07-09 10:50:19
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yta
>his birthday was last week and i was just so at my wits end and sick of goddamn pizza that i organized dinner at a japanese place which my parents love and his parents love.
so for your boyfriends birthday you completely ignored what you knew he'd want and instead took him somewhere your parents love? yeah, you're an asshole. i hope for *your* birthday he takes you to his favorite pizza joint -.-
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yta for doing this on his birthday.
however, their is such thing at ‘restrictive eating disorder’. perhaps investigate that
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yta. ‘happy birthday, i picked a place i know you won’t like’.
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yta if you have been together 3 years, its unlikely that this is the first time you've tried to get him to try something else, therefore you should know his reaction to it. his birthday is not the time to try it again.
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yta -it’s his birthday, why shouldn’t he get to eat his favourite food?
and if he does have an issue with restrictive eating it’s not on you to push him from food he will eat, you’re not a therapist op.
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yta it's his day, all about him. work on his diet any other day of the year
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no judgement, he probably could do with some therapy.
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yta - but only by the slimmest of margins.
am i losing my mind or is this the second instance of a pizza-only boyfriend in the last week or two?
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yta
it was his birthday meal out and he couldn't eat anything there! he definitely should try other foods but if he doesn't want to then you can't make him. seems just mean to book somewhere for his birthday meal when you know he won't eat any of it.
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your post is almost identical to one from /relationship_advice where op’s boyfriend was doing a challenge to eat pizza everyday for 10.000 days or something like that. she broke up with him.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend is an extremely successful professional. he’s kind and humble, definitely has a nice body, etc. he’s well adjusted in literally everything else bar diet. we’ve been together 3 years and in that time all i’ve noticed this guy will eat is goddamn pizza. most days he’ll go to one of those cheap halal places and buy a small pizza, cut it up and toss it into a salad. family gatherings, he’ll go straight for the pizza. dinner time, pizza. we go to 5 guys, he’ll get a freaking grilled cheese with a side of pickles. date night. fancy pizza places. he will not stray. i’ve spoke to him about it and he just shrugs and says its what he prefers. i’ve told him how upsetting it is for my boyfriend and i to want to experience interesting cuisine together but i can’t do that because all he’ll eat when we are out is pizza. i’ve asked him if it’s a comfort thing or if he thinks he has an eating disorder, but he just swears up and down he actually just likes and prefers pizza. i’ve asked him to be more adventurous and he says he will but never actually does. his birthday was last week and i was just so at my wits end and sick of goddamn pizza that i organized dinner at a japanese place which my parents love and his parents love. we went and he was genuinely so upset that there was no pizza he just drank cocktails all night and didn’t eat at all. he was a good sport and engaging to everybody but i felt awful that he didn’t eat. when we were on our way home he thanked me but said he was really sad that he didn’t get to eat his favorite food. i’m in 2 minds about whether or not i’m the asshole here, because i feel bad he didn’t get to eat at his own birthday dinner but at the same time, i’ve never seen him eat anything else other than pizza and that’s god’s honest truth.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend is an extremely successful professional. he’s kind and humble, definitely has a nice body, etc. he’s well adjusted in literally everything else bar diet. we’ve been together 3 years and in that time all i’ve noticed this guy will eat is goddamn pizza. most days he’ll go to one of those cheap halal places and buy a small pizza, cut it up and toss it into a salad. family gatherings, he’ll go straight for the pizza. dinner time, pizza. we go to 5 guys, he’ll get a freaking grilled cheese with a side of pickles. date night. fancy pizza places. he will not stray. i’ve spoke to him about it and he just shrugs and says its what he prefers. i’ve told him how upsetting it is for my boyfriend and i to want to experience interesting cuisine together but i can’t do that because all he’ll eat when we are out is pizza. i’ve asked him if it’s a comfort thing or if he thinks he has an eating disorder, but he just swears up and down he actually just likes and prefers pizza. i’ve asked him to be more adventurous and he says he will but never actually does. his birthday was last week and i was just so at my wits end and sick of goddamn pizza that i organized dinner at a japanese place which my parents love and his parents love. we went and he was genuinely so upset that there was no pizza he just drank cocktails all night and didn’t eat at all. he was a good sport and engaging to everybody but i felt awful that he didn’t eat. when we were on our way home he thanked me but said he was really sad that he didn’t get to eat his favorite food. i’m in 2 minds about whether or not i’m the asshole here, because i feel bad he didn’t get to eat at his own birthday dinner but at the same time, i’ve never seen him eat anything else other than pizza and that’s god’s honest truth. [/INST] yta >his birthday was last week and i was just so at my wits end and sick of goddamn pizza that i organized dinner at a japanese place which my parents love and his parents love. so for your boyfriends birthday you completely ignored what you knew he'd want and instead took him somewhere your parents love? yeah, you're an asshole. i hope for *your* birthday he takes you to his favorite pizza joint -.- </s>
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AITA for making my daughter sleep in a tent
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i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions.
yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter.
along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over.
in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita?
| 31,704 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9y7o3/aita_for_making_my_daughter_sleep_in_a_tent/
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2020-12-09 19:05:02
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nta. sounds like the apology and £20 wasn’t enough. walking a mile in their shoes taught her empathy.
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nta. you did a good thing here. you weren't being cruel or unusual in any way. you provided her blankets and a warm sleeping bag and you didn't force her to do anything, (you gave her the option to camp or loose her phone). she clearly learned the lesson and feels genuine remorse. you should be proud of how you handled the situation and proud of your daughter for changing her ways.
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this is solid gold, 💯 fantastic parenting. especially because you weren't trying to simply punish her, you were ensuring she experienced what it is she was abusing the man who was homeless for. it's such an important lesson. sometimes even if we think we're raising empathetic children, it's hard to learn without experience. also, you now know it worked out because of your daughter's reaction and thoughtfulness afterwards. good for you, and good for jessica. it's lovely to know there's a bit more empathy in the world now.
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[deleted]
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nta. this is actual parenting. kids don't tend to get empathy until later on in life, it's usually always about them. most people have to experience something to understand it - you've literally taught your kid empathy. my parents would get me and my siblings to volunteer during holidays and after school. my mum would say that the only difference between them and me is that i have a family who can take care of me, so i should take care of others.
due to that, i've grown up to be able to empathise really well. i'm not one to question what a homeless person does with the money i give them, whose to say i'd use it for anything better. i still volunteer. i have a strong interest in politics and societal interests.
you've also supported your daughter that it is okay to say she was wrong. so many people go through life being too proud to admit they were wrong. your daughter when she was wrong, and it dawned on her, she had no problem doing something to fix it.
we don't teach math and english in school by just telling them, we give them problems (experiences) to help them understand on their own.
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omg. your kids are going to turn into the most amazing adults. keep doing what you’re doing. what an amazing mother. nta.
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nta - good on you for teaching your daughter a lesson, i hope the homeless guy is ok, he is the victim in this story. it must have been horrible for him, but a hotel stay may have done him good
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nta you found a way to show your daughter a different way of thinking without vilifying her. and clearly if she's decided she wants to go out of her own way to help the homeless now your lesson worked, which means your parenting works. you aren't forcing her to continue that behavior, the consequence was for one night and you handled it well
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the fact that your daughter had such a change of heart says you're doing a great job as a mom. don't second guess yourself, it was a good call.
nta
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nta and your sister needs to mind her own business. but the older girl should be in the tent too. she filmed it instead of stopping it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions. yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter. along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over. in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (34f) am a single mother to two girls, 'jasmine' (16f) and 'jessica' (14f). their dad died when i was pregnant with jess, and i had to work hard. we hit rock bottom, and i was barely making paycheque to paycheque but i managed to get a degree, become successful and we live well. point is, i know how fucking hard it is to be at the bottom of society, and my daughters know this, which is why i was livid at my daughter's actions. yesterday, jasmine showed me a video of jessica cussing a homeless man out and telling him, 'stop asking me for money, you'd earn it yourself if you weren't so fucking lazy and spending what you earned on substances.' when the homeless man complained about the cold (we live in ne england), jessica responded 'yeah people camp for fun, even in december, you can't complain, you're living someone's holiday.' fury was an understatement for what i felt, as i thought i had raised an empathetic daughter. along with finding the homeless man and making her apologise and help pay for a hotel room for a night for him (she paid £20), as well as signing her up to volunteer at a food bank - i decided to take her up on her offer of sleeping outside. i locked her bedroom door so she couldn't go in, put a sign on it saying *closed for the holidays,* pitched a tent in the garden and filled it with blankets and the sleeping bag i used when i was camping in norway on a family holiday as a teen (aka really bloody thermal). i slept in the room closest to the garden for that night so i was nearby if anything was to go wrong. she was reluctant to do it, but chose it over the option of not having access to her phone until the christmas holidays are over. in the morning, she was crying about how horrible it was to wake up on a cold mat and get disrupted sleep due to birds. after comforting her, i asked her would she like to do that everyday like the homeless man. it struck a cord with her and she was crying over her actions, while even after the £20 she was rolling her eyes and her apology was not sincere. this afternoon, i came home from work to jessica making a big meal to donate to the homeless people who live on the road near our house. i was proud of how she turned over a new leaf, and after taking the food to the people, my sister came over. apparently, my nephew and jessica were talking at school, and he asked her about her plans for the afternoon, and she said that she was going to cook for the homeless. my nephew asked what triggered that, and jess told him everything, which he relayed back to his mum. my sister said that my punishment was too harsh, and just the £20 and the food bank would have done the trick, and i was acting irrationally due to my past. now i'm second guessing myself. aita? [/INST] nta. sounds like the apology and £20 wasn’t enough. walking a mile in their shoes taught her empathy. </s>
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AITA for cancelling on a group of very out of shape women that hired me to train/guide their hikes?
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first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients.
i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan.
the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in.
when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start.
the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc.
after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously.
2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc.
please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations.
i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete.
aita?
| 25,551 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/canwj2/aita_for_cancelling_on_a_group_of_very_out_of/
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2019-07-08 17:18:25
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nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge
you can’t help a group like that unless they want it
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nta its not your fault they lied on the form, then continued to lie about their abilities. it wouldn't be safe to continue to work with this group.
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nta
you soulful trim this down to just being ;
aita for refunding a client group who set unrealistic goals, misinformed you about their current ability, ignored your advice multiple times and weren't willing up put in the effort needed.
doesn't matter that it's +sized women, it could be a bunch of muscular guys from the gym that lift all day but don't do cardio to take a hike like that the outcome is the same
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nta but you should have language in your contract that allows you to remove any hiker from a group that is wearing inappropriate clothing/ shoes.
bad shoes for a serious hike is a bad idea and you should give yourself an out on it.
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nta.
> it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work.
my initial thought to this was along the lines of "well thats not your call, let them try" but guess what? you are the expert. nothing in what you said made it seem like you were biased in your decision. you are losing money out on the gig. i'm guessing you did everyone a favor. sucks that you got blasted for doing whats right.
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nta
you tried to train them and give them exercises which they refused to do ("laughed incredulously").
they do not even have the discipline to eat resources (snacks) the proper way.
your decision is ok and the best to keep them safe : someone not trained correctly trying to hit a hike is on the way for troubles
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nta - the head of the group was too stubborn to admit that her group was not truthful about their abilities. you have the right to choose which clients you take on and which ones you don't. as an overweight woman myself, i'd leave that group after that first hike. they sounded so annoying.
you are not obligated to give them three chances. if you had given them three chances to start with then that same person would have said you should have given them four. you are not an asshole at all. you didn't walk up, see they they were overweight and walk away. you tried to do what you were hired to do and they made your job very difficult. you did not have to "power through" any of that. truthfully, i wouldn't be surprised if someone got hurt on a future hike because they're too proud to take advice from an expert.
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nta! what else could you do, stroll around parks for 8 weeks and set them up to fail their challenge?
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nta. i'm overweight and did my 18th 14er yesterday (mt. yale! it was fun.). i started out hiking places i found on dayhikesneardenver and eventually learned i loved the thrill of peakbagging. i did my first 14er after a solid summer season building up, between long hikes, strenuous elevation gain, some trail running, etc etc. i had to put in the work in between hikes.
you *can do it* if you're fat. but you have to want to do it, put in the work, and change your goals to fit your progress. it sounds like they didn't, and you know how dangerous it can be when a storm rolls in and you're above treeline.
you made the right call.
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nta, because they clearly lied on their forms, however, all you had to do to preserve your business was to make them take short walks in the park or cut hikes into smaller portions.
next time just ask them what they want and give it to them rather than insisting they can't meet your expectations based on their embellished claims.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first up please know i am trying my best to be kind in my wording. i run a small operation where i guide groups or help train them to be able to hike. i have served all kinds of clients. i got an inquiry for a group called "womens+ adventures" and because it was during pride month, i thought maybe it was an lgbtq+ group. i chatted with the head of the group, collected the information (hiking levels, what have they done before, etc), and we exchanged money and i started the training plan. the group wanted to work up to "a 14er" which if you do them, you know there's all kinds. going off what everyone reported, i decided gray's peak. one of the easiest and most rewarding because of the beautiful valley it's in. when i arrived for our first group hike, i learned "womens+" meant plus-sized women rather than lgbtq+. no issue, their forms all said they were in good condition to start. the first hike was... awful. it was a short 4 miles round trip, with 750ft elevation gain. several of them ignored my list of suggestions for attire, footwear, supplies, etc. when we got started hiking, it was very slow. one woman was upset we were starting with something so strenuous and asked for a break every 1/2 mile. one ate all of her snacks after the first break. lots of complaints of it being too hard, too long, etc. after we got back (6 hours later) i pulled the head aside and asked if everyone was truthful on their abilities forms. she insisted it was all true and then got annoyed that i didn't believe them. when i suggested we aim for a smaller goal, she was obviously very offended. i gave them all "homework" which was to make sure to take a brisk 1 hour walk every day to prepare for the next hike. several of them laughed at me incredulously. 2nd hike went even worse. i had an 8-week plan in place, and it was obvious to me this wasn't going to work. so i called the head and told her that i thought it was best if i refund the cost pro-rated from the two hikes we did. well, she threw a huge tantrum and called me all kinds of names, and insinuated that i am fatphobic, i'm mocking them, etc. please, please keep in mind that i have helped train several overweight people, including a pair of women in their 60s who send me pictures all the time of their great adventures. i consider myself to be very patient. one of them said they thought we would start with something like a walk in a local park to get us ready to hike in a few weeks. simply put, they weren't realistic with their expectations. i refunded the money and ended contact only to find my social media bombarded by hate from all kinds of people. you can guess what i was called. i felt awful and in talking over this with people, several told me i was an asshole for not powering through, that i should have given them three chances, that i should have had more patience and understanding that not everyone is a natural athlete. aita? [/INST] nta - you gave them proper instructions and training exercises. you even tried to adjust the goals to fit the group you had yet these women would not budge you can’t help a group like that unless they want it </s>
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AITA for not helping my husband babysit?
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i never wanted kids. the idea of family is very suffocating to me and i was never willing to date a man with children. when i met my husband he said he didn't have any and didn't want any. a year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn't wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights. i was annoyed that he lied but i 100% believe that men have the right to walk away.
when my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband's contact information from an old friend. i completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and i actually really liked him. we have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn't view me as a parent. he married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children.
he recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. my husband agreed and i reminded everyone i don't babysit. my husband said it would be fine and i didn't need to help. well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. his dil gave him a list of rules and things they aren't allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn't handle it and expected me to step in.
well i didn't. i'm actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. i did make sure the children didn't die, but like i stated to everyone involved, i do not babysit. they got into food they weren't supposed to have (no allergies) and didn't sleep at all, but they are alive. dil is furious with me, because i'm the woman and i am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking.
| 21,582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hu6hew/aita_for_not_helping_my_husband_babysit/
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2020-07-19 19:30:42
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nta, they agreed to your terms of service. they should've actually paid attention to your terms before agreeing.
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nta. ovaries doesnt mean you fucking know what to do with children.
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i mean, he should be furious with your husband for locking himself in the f-ing bedroom when he was the one who agreed to babysit. plus, he thinks you’re somehow more responsible because youre female? bullshit.
i mean, eh, i’m going with nta. you made your boundaries clear from the start. i just think...idk...family should help other family out with tasks like these. i guess that seems like it should be a given to me, but even so, you said you didn’t want any parts of this, and they weren’t your responsibility so...
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very nta.
but i hate to break it to you, with your honesty, dry sense of humor, common sense and willingness to let them play but not die, you’re gonna be the favorite adult in these kids lives and they’re going to adore you lol.
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esh. your husband should have stepped up to the plate. but.
you made things worse and harder when you absolutely didn’t have to. you are an adult. act like it. it wouldn’t have killed you to not give them water guns. you could have not helped - and you also did not have to make everything harder.
water guns? no sleep? really?
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nta. sounds like you did babysit. grandparents houses are for fun, not for rules. what is wrong with your husband? does he often throw temper tantrums and lock himself away?
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sounds like a whole family of assholes to me. 🤷
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esh. yeah you said you don’t babysit, and although your step son isn’t your biological kid that still puts you in the grandparent role for these kids. are you just going to wipe your hands clean of them completely because they aren’t biologically related to you? you couldnt step up and help out family for one night because you didn’t sign up for kids? i don’t blame your husband for being upset. a marriage is a partnership and you couldn’t step up to help your husband for one night with his grandkids. he sucks for getting in over his head by trying to help his son out, you suck for not being willing to help out for one night. grow up.
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esh. despite the title of your post, you did help your husband even though you didn’t want to. so you aren’t ta for that. but your husband should be able to occasionally keep the grandkids without a hissy fit from you. however, when he does babysit, he should actually take care of them. he was ta for acting like a child when the kids * *gasp* * acted like kids.
your dil is ta for being furious with you simply because you are the woman here. without knowing the details of her “no-no list,” i can’t say much on that.
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lol nta. it sounds like you did look after them (even after making your feelings about this known) just not in the way they wanted. they cannot fault your for that — these are their choices and it’s not fair to put any of that on you.
seriously though what grown man locks themselves in a room after volunteering to babysit?! that should be the real question here.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i never wanted kids. the idea of family is very suffocating to me and i was never willing to date a man with children. when i met my husband he said he didn't have any and didn't want any. a year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn't wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights. i was annoyed that he lied but i 100% believe that men have the right to walk away. when my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband's contact information from an old friend. i completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and i actually really liked him. we have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn't view me as a parent. he married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children. he recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. my husband agreed and i reminded everyone i don't babysit. my husband said it would be fine and i didn't need to help. well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. his dil gave him a list of rules and things they aren't allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn't handle it and expected me to step in. well i didn't. i'm actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. i did make sure the children didn't die, but like i stated to everyone involved, i do not babysit. they got into food they weren't supposed to have (no allergies) and didn't sleep at all, but they are alive. dil is furious with me, because i'm the woman and i am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i never wanted kids. the idea of family is very suffocating to me and i was never willing to date a man with children. when i met my husband he said he didn't have any and didn't want any. a year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn't wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights. i was annoyed that he lied but i 100% believe that men have the right to walk away. when my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband's contact information from an old friend. i completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and i actually really liked him. we have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn't view me as a parent. he married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children. he recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. my husband agreed and i reminded everyone i don't babysit. my husband said it would be fine and i didn't need to help. well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. his dil gave him a list of rules and things they aren't allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn't handle it and expected me to step in. well i didn't. i'm actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. i did make sure the children didn't die, but like i stated to everyone involved, i do not babysit. they got into food they weren't supposed to have (no allergies) and didn't sleep at all, but they are alive. dil is furious with me, because i'm the woman and i am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking. [/INST] nta, they agreed to your terms of service. they should've actually paid attention to your terms before agreeing. </s>
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AITA For Refusing to meet my sister on Christmas after she called CPS?
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●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens
my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief.
i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility.
i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house
my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions.
it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas.
| 26,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kebg11/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_sister_on_christmas/
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2020-12-16 15:40:54
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nta calling cps just because you’re angry is wrong. she took time away from children who are being neglected and need help to get back at you. not wanting to have her around your family is a normal response, she proved herself to be a danger to your family.
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nta
what she did was vicious. i would be looking into some kind of legal recourse for what she did. at the very least i would want the state to be forced to add the fact that the report was malicious. your daughter could have been seriously harmed by that. you *were* harmed by that false report. she needs to experience that sinking feeling you got when your life got turned upside down. talk to a lawyer and see what can be done.
>it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how much uncomfortable i was.
so she's using your father as her mouthpiece. and he is badgering *you* because it will be easier on *him* if you give into her tantrums.
>he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.
she feels sorry that there are consequences for what she did. she was smugly certain *you* would suffer.
>he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person
they all agree you should obey her orders and accept her abuse, so she can basically take your daughter away from you.
>the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas.
it's their choice to spend it with her instead.
>saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" and go solve the issue that is dividing the family.
your sister chose to "divide the family". they need to act like civil adults and get her some help for her disturbing behavior, not demand that you accomadate it.
>they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas.
so suddenly they have no problem with the family being divided, as long as *you* are the one excluded, and not the perpetrator of abuse against you and your daughter.
op, *she cannot be trusted*, ever. neither can your parents, because they enable her.
do not ever leave your daughter alone with them, because they will immediately allow your sister to see her.
it sounds as if she was trying to replace you as the parent of your child long before she called cps, and she is still trying to do it *with their help*. she can never be trusted, & neither can your parents. they apparently do not even see her behavior as a problem. in their creepy little minds *you* are the problem. you are not the asshole. your sister and parents are all assholes. your sister is not your daughter's "aunty" anymore. keep your child far away from all of them and strictly limit what information you give them. i'm sorry.
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of course you are nta, you sound like a good dad doing your best in a really tough situation. her behavior sounds absolutely bizarre, like she is trying to take over as your daughter's "mother" now that your wife has passed away. calling her by another name? and then calling cps when that didn't work? was she hoping to get custody?
how old is your daughter?
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nta she literally tried to rip your child away from you to be petty. that's not an " oops" situation.
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nta. it sounds like your sister randomly decided that now your wife is gone this her chance to be mum to her niece. unfortunately for her, your daughter still has a loving parent that is actively involved in her life - you.
i think that cps and similar social services will generally try to place children removed from their parents with close family, such as grandparents, or aunts and uncles. so your sister gets your daughter removed from your care, steps forward saying she has plenty of space and your daughter is used to staying around her house, and gets to play mum with your child. she even had a new name for her, which is downright delusional.
you don't mention how old your daughter is, but learning personal hygiene, how to do some basic washing up, and making yourself some cold food, are all appropriate things to teach kids. otherwise they grow up to be crappy adults that need to be waited on hand and foot and struggle to cope in the real world.
i'd make it quite clear to your father that there is no apology your sister can give to make up for trying to steal your daugher, and that under no circumstances will your daughter be having visits without you present. otherwise there's nothing to stop your sister fabricating more claims ("she showed up with these bruises", "she showed up with unclean hair and dirty clothes") and making a second attempt at cps intervention.
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nta not only did your sister overstep her boundaries but she was very inconsiderate towards how you were teaching your daughter to become more independent. it’s definitely important to teach a child early on how to practice hygiene on their own. i’d be furious if i was in your shoes. i’m surprised your family doesn’t understand why you would be so upset.
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how old is your daughter?
based on what you wrote, your nta but she sure is. that cps report can haunt you even if nothing comes of it. she ruined your reputation & your daughter shouldn’t have any further contact with her. your child, your rules & if that means grandparents have less time with her at their home then so be it.
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nta. my 4-year-old knows how to do some of that stuff. supervised, but still. teaching kids how to take care of themselves is not only is going to help them be healthier adults but builds confidence while they're children. it is very healthy and normal for them to know how to do things for themselves.
her having a new name picked out for your daughter is a weird and huge red flag!! i'd say this was coming down the pipeline, fight or not. i would remain very, very firm on this boundary and not allow her to have any contact or relationship with your daughter. if your parents don't like that, they can figure out how to be more involved in ways that don't involve your psycho sister. family members who enable crazy people don't necessarily deserve the title of family either.
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nta - seriously consider going no contact. this woman is insane.
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op:
nta.
the moment that cps called on a false report, is the moment that you go nc with that person. and if your father and family are going to support your sister, you cut them off, do not go or take your daughter to christmas. as far as you are concerned they can pound sand.
then take some time, decorate the tree, get your daughter into the kitchen, make cookies, make a cake, plan a nice christmas day around it being you and her. if they call, let it go to voice mail. if they show up, tell them to go, if they do not call the cops and press charges. in short, you are going to focus on what is important, you and your daughter. if they keep it up, take a look and think about moving to another location, farther away from all of them, where they have no real way to get to you or your child. also you may want to consider, if you were on good terms with your inlaws, say spending christmas with them, to allow for them to see their grandchild. make plans and just do not trust the one sister or your parents for that matter. they made a choice, to get triangulated in this, and support her. that was their mistake.
yours would be to give into them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief. i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility. i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions. it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
●i m37 lost my wife of 10 years and it was so devastating for me and my daughter. it's unfortunate but life goes on no matter what happens my family knows how much i struggle as a single dad and my sister doesn't really get it. she had issues with my late wife in the past but now started "helping" with my daughter. she re-decorated my daughter's room without my consent, she'd insist i let my daughter go spend days at her house but my daughter is comfortable at her home. she then started calling my daughter with another name and i'm still trying to understand her logic behind this. i told her to stop doing those things and to be respectful and supportive and she defended herself saying i'm lashing out of grief. i recently. started teaching my daughter to do stuff on her own like brush her hair/clean her room/wash her cups/make sandwiches while i take care of bigger stuff. my sister said that what i'm doing is wrong. that i'm giving her more than she can handle. she's just a kid and although i told her i'm teaching my daughter to be more independent she said that i'm clearly doing this for my own benefits and avoiding responsibility. i got into a fight with her about it. told her she has zero say in this. and the next day. a cps officer came to my house and took a tour around the house my first thought was "maybe he got the wrong house" until he started reading the report to me saying that i'm never home and that i make my daughter do things that aren't her responsibility, neglecting her education (btw she's homeschooled) and that i'm not taking care of basic hygiene and whatnot. i told the officer my story and explained that i'm adapting as a single parent and he proceeded to aske my daughter some questions. it was clearly a false report. however i was told that i will have a permanent record with cps. and i was shaken up by this. i told my family about it and my younger sister told me that my sister was the one who called cps after we had a big argument. i was so mad i confronted her after she hid herself. called her immature and stupid to pull this crap (she's in her 40s) and that she's no longer my sister. then cut contact. it's been months and now my dad started bringing her up knowing how uncomfortable i was. he said that my sister feels sorry for what she did and wanted to talk things out on christmas dinner.but i said no. he and the others insisted saying that i should be the bigger person. the family will be incomplete without me and my daughter on christmas. saying i refuse to be a "civil adult" to solve the issue that is dividing the family. i yelled and said that my daughter and i don't have to go after what she did, doesn't matter if she has issues on her own and didn't "mean it" and was just concerned. wtf was she so concerned about? they demanded that i at least let my daughter go be with them >>and her auntie << on christmas. [/INST] nta calling cps just because you’re angry is wrong. she took time away from children who are being neglected and need help to get back at you. not wanting to have her around your family is a normal response, she proved herself to be a danger to your family. </s>
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AITA for suggesting that my friend wears a bra or thicker shirt before coming over
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please bear with me and read post before judging
i have a 6 month old, and just started allowing visitors. my best friend came to visit and i texted her suggesting she wear a bra or a thick shirt if she plans to hold my son because he grabs nipples, very hard and my friend has hers pierced and has told me they’re super sensitive.
i explained this to her and she ignored my messages but she came over anyway , nipples poking through shirt and my 6 month old was staring hands ready. i offered to give her a sweater and she looked at me sideways and suggested i was sexualizing her breasts and she isn’t covering up.
i explained that wasn’t the case but she didn’t want to hear me, i respected her decision and asked if she still wants to hold the baby, she grabbed by son from me and within 5 minutes he had a death grip on her nipples and she jumped up screamed in pain and pulled him off of her.
i said “that’s why i suggested a bra” this made her even more mad and said “no you suggested that because you’re a misogynist”. i was so confused and she left abruptly.
she keeps telling our mutual friends that i was sexualizing her breast and was trying to make her wear a bra or that i wouldn’t welcome her but that isn’t at all what happened
am i missing something? i feel like her reaction is really uncalled for
| 18,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3iwl7/aita_for_suggesting_that_my_friend_wears_a_bra_or/
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2022-04-14 14:33:10
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nta, you explained why you’re suggesting that so it should be clear it has nothing to do with sex, and she’s the only one sexualising the situation. she sounds like a drama queen. is she always like that? must be tiring for everyone involved…
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nta - play stupid games win stupid prizes.
top tip - babies are vicious and should be treated as such don't give them access point - no delicate chains, dangling earings or tank tops (they will be pulled down).
op warned friend and friend didn't listen then paid the price
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**i explained that wasn’t the case but she didn’t want to hear me, i respected her decision and asked if she still wants to hold the baby, she grabbed by son from me and within 5 minutes he had a death grip on her nipples and she jumped up screamed in pain and pulled him off of her.**
please tell me i was not the only one that laughed at this. she literally had it coming.
btw nta op
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nta
i had a breastfed baby. no nipples were safe from her vice like grip before her understanding that only mom made milk. man nipples, woman nipples, trans nipples, any human nipples she could get her hungry little hands on experienced the purple nurple titty twister from hell.
kids dont see "boobs" they see yummy milk makers.
warning your friend about boob grabs was not sexualizing her breasts. (quite the opposite actually), and your baby certainly doesn't have the knowledge to distinguish between boobs that = food and boobs that don't.
your "friend" needs a reality check. sounds like she got it and chose to ignore it. some people just need it to be about them.
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nta! there’s no grip like a breastfed baby with a nipple. you *did* explain why she should be careful, to protect herself. either she didn’t believe you, or she would rather have her super-cool stance and have something to complain about.
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nta. as someone who has pierced nipples i can respect and appreciate the fact that you gave her a warning. she’s being dramatic.
you warned her, yet she needed to make you out to be the bad guy.
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nta
you gave her fair warning and her claims of misogyny are ridiculous.
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nta- she made an assumption that you were sexualizing her breasts when you were just recognizing that they are a babies food source and your baby would try to grab said food source - you were doing the opposite of sexualizing them.
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nta.
one of the first lessons i learned as a father of a baby was 'they'll latch on to anything even vaguely nipple-like, so wear a shirt.'
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nta
this is too funny!! is your friend for real?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please bear with me and read post before judging i have a 6 month old, and just started allowing visitors. my best friend came to visit and i texted her suggesting she wear a bra or a thick shirt if she plans to hold my son because he grabs nipples, very hard and my friend has hers pierced and has told me they’re super sensitive. i explained this to her and she ignored my messages but she came over anyway , nipples poking through shirt and my 6 month old was staring hands ready. i offered to give her a sweater and she looked at me sideways and suggested i was sexualizing her breasts and she isn’t covering up. i explained that wasn’t the case but she didn’t want to hear me, i respected her decision and asked if she still wants to hold the baby, she grabbed by son from me and within 5 minutes he had a death grip on her nipples and she jumped up screamed in pain and pulled him off of her. i said “that’s why i suggested a bra” this made her even more mad and said “no you suggested that because you’re a misogynist”. i was so confused and she left abruptly. she keeps telling our mutual friends that i was sexualizing her breast and was trying to make her wear a bra or that i wouldn’t welcome her but that isn’t at all what happened am i missing something? i feel like her reaction is really uncalled for
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please bear with me and read post before judging i have a 6 month old, and just started allowing visitors. my best friend came to visit and i texted her suggesting she wear a bra or a thick shirt if she plans to hold my son because he grabs nipples, very hard and my friend has hers pierced and has told me they’re super sensitive. i explained this to her and she ignored my messages but she came over anyway , nipples poking through shirt and my 6 month old was staring hands ready. i offered to give her a sweater and she looked at me sideways and suggested i was sexualizing her breasts and she isn’t covering up. i explained that wasn’t the case but she didn’t want to hear me, i respected her decision and asked if she still wants to hold the baby, she grabbed by son from me and within 5 minutes he had a death grip on her nipples and she jumped up screamed in pain and pulled him off of her. i said “that’s why i suggested a bra” this made her even more mad and said “no you suggested that because you’re a misogynist”. i was so confused and she left abruptly. she keeps telling our mutual friends that i was sexualizing her breast and was trying to make her wear a bra or that i wouldn’t welcome her but that isn’t at all what happened am i missing something? i feel like her reaction is really uncalled for [/INST] nta, you explained why you’re suggesting that so it should be clear it has nothing to do with sex, and she’s the only one sexualising the situation. she sounds like a drama queen. is she always like that? must be tiring for everyone involved… </s>
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AITA for not buying my daughter the book she wanted?
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my 12 year old daughter recently got money for her birthday, given by her step mum. she has been talking alot about a show called "hamilton" recently, so when we where passing a book store, i asked if she wanted anything. she said no, as she didnt really have any books in mind. so i asked if the show she was talking about (hamilton) had a book. she didnt know, so after a bit of research, we went too see if the shop had it. turns out it didnt, but the woman at front desk said it was being restocked in 3-4 weeks. i asked my daughter if she was fine with waiting, or wanted a different book as i saw percy jackson on sale and heard it was similar to harry potter. she said she could wait, so i asked how expensive the book was and it was expensive. if we bought it, it would use up all her birthday money, but she said it was fine. instead told her to just wait until november, when her aunt was coming back from britain, but she said she didnt want to wait, and was fine with using her money as she didnt really want to buy anything else. but to be honest, i wasn't fine with it. since its so expensive its probably really thick. and i dont wanna spend all her birthday money on a book she'll probably only spend 1 week reading, because she can read 400 page stories in 3 days time. after we left the book store i told her this, and she said 'ok' but hasn't been talking to me much except asking, when meals are ready.
i honestly feel like im not the a-hole as i just dont want her to waste her birthday money, and besides her aunt can give her the book in a few months as she's a little wealthy and enjoys spoiling the kids in the family.
so, do you people think im in the wrong?
| 4,986 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vebet7/aita_for_not_buying_my_daughter_the_book_she/
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2022-06-17 11:53:17
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yta.
"is there anything you want?"
"i want this."
"no."
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yta. it’s a book for god’s sake.
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yta. you don't want her to have a thick/pricy book because she'll read it fast? it's not a waste of money if she gets enjoyment out of it.
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yta. i'm going to assume that we are talking about the book hamilton the revolution? it's the only thing she wants to buy, its her money, its her decision as far as i can see.
info: how much is the book, here in the uk you can get it for £10.79, i wouldn't call that expensive for something i really wanted.
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[deleted]
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>i wasn't fine with it. since its so expensive its probably really thick. and i dont wanna spend all her birthday money
you aren't spending her money. she is spending her money.
it's either her money, or your money. if it's hers, she can spend however she wants. if it's yours, take the money away right now so she doesn't spend it and you can control it (although that would make you ah as well)
yta.
you can't control what other people do with their things. also, title is super misleading
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the fact that a child wants a book is amazing. you should never shut down the opportunity for your child to read! yta for stopping her from buying a book and not letting her choose what to buy with her own money!
edit
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you took your daughter to a store, asked her if there was anything she wanted, then you wouldn't let her buy it???
yta!!!
i have books on my shelf today that i bought as a kid, 42 years ago. i still read them from time to time. she won't "spend 3 days reading it". if she enjoys it, that book could give her a lifetime of enjoyment!
not to mention, what kind of ah asks their child what they want only to tell them "well, you can't have it"?!?!?
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yta. i'm a single working mom and you know the one thing i never scrimp on in my budget? books for my 9 year old bookworm. i will get her any books she wants because i want her to never ever lose her love of reading. if she wants a specific title i'll look for it online for cheap if i can't find it in store locally. and i always always get her the books she asks for because her wanting to read will give her more of an advantage than anything else i can give to her.
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yta. you don't get to decide whether her birthday money is wasted.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 12 year old daughter recently got money for her birthday, given by her step mum. she has been talking alot about a show called "hamilton" recently, so when we where passing a book store, i asked if she wanted anything. she said no, as she didnt really have any books in mind. so i asked if the show she was talking about (hamilton) had a book. she didnt know, so after a bit of research, we went too see if the shop had it. turns out it didnt, but the woman at front desk said it was being restocked in 3-4 weeks. i asked my daughter if she was fine with waiting, or wanted a different book as i saw percy jackson on sale and heard it was similar to harry potter. she said she could wait, so i asked how expensive the book was and it was expensive. if we bought it, it would use up all her birthday money, but she said it was fine. instead told her to just wait until november, when her aunt was coming back from britain, but she said she didnt want to wait, and was fine with using her money as she didnt really want to buy anything else. but to be honest, i wasn't fine with it. since its so expensive its probably really thick. and i dont wanna spend all her birthday money on a book she'll probably only spend 1 week reading, because she can read 400 page stories in 3 days time. after we left the book store i told her this, and she said 'ok' but hasn't been talking to me much except asking, when meals are ready. i honestly feel like im not the a-hole as i just dont want her to waste her birthday money, and besides her aunt can give her the book in a few months as she's a little wealthy and enjoys spoiling the kids in the family. so, do you people think im in the wrong?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 12 year old daughter recently got money for her birthday, given by her step mum. she has been talking alot about a show called "hamilton" recently, so when we where passing a book store, i asked if she wanted anything. she said no, as she didnt really have any books in mind. so i asked if the show she was talking about (hamilton) had a book. she didnt know, so after a bit of research, we went too see if the shop had it. turns out it didnt, but the woman at front desk said it was being restocked in 3-4 weeks. i asked my daughter if she was fine with waiting, or wanted a different book as i saw percy jackson on sale and heard it was similar to harry potter. she said she could wait, so i asked how expensive the book was and it was expensive. if we bought it, it would use up all her birthday money, but she said it was fine. instead told her to just wait until november, when her aunt was coming back from britain, but she said she didnt want to wait, and was fine with using her money as she didnt really want to buy anything else. but to be honest, i wasn't fine with it. since its so expensive its probably really thick. and i dont wanna spend all her birthday money on a book she'll probably only spend 1 week reading, because she can read 400 page stories in 3 days time. after we left the book store i told her this, and she said 'ok' but hasn't been talking to me much except asking, when meals are ready. i honestly feel like im not the a-hole as i just dont want her to waste her birthday money, and besides her aunt can give her the book in a few months as she's a little wealthy and enjoys spoiling the kids in the family. so, do you people think im in the wrong? [/INST] yta. "is there anything you want?" "i want this." "no." </s>
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AITA for not allowing my SiL's kids to bring their own food to christmas at my home?
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i f31 am gonna be honesting christmas celebration this year. the menu is usual and everyone is familiar with it.
my sil's kids are what they call the most vicious picky eaters out there. mind you theyre 6 & 9 and are probably just being deliberately difficult to their parents.
sil called to "inform" me that she will be bringing food for her kids to eat at christmas dinner. i asked why and she said that they will not be able to eat anything from the menu after looking at it. i said i was sorry but there isn't enough space at the table for extra meals and besides that the kids should start learning to be more tolerant to some foods, especially at family holiday gathering where it's expected for everyone to just eat what's infront of them without complaining. she went on about how difficult kids can be (mostly can't relate but i get it! but still, she should keep in mind that it's probably a passing phase for them and so sucking it up for one dinner wouldn't affect them. she said that i don't get it and that she doesn't want them to stay hungry or feed on snacks. i apologized and declined.
my husband got involved in this and is saying i'm being inconsiderate towards my guests. he said i lose nothing by allowing them to bring food but i disagree because this was not part of my plans. and if anything this should be a teachable moment for the kids to know that they can't expect to be catered for all the time. he got more upset told me that his sister is heavily reconsidering coming to a celebratory dinner where her kids weren't allowed to bring their own food. they're applying pressure on me saying i'll ruin the celebration if i keep trying to die on this hill.
aita?
| 5,634 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zhxpdp/aita_for_not_allowing_my_sils_kids_to_bring_their/
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2022-12-10 17:11:26
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yta. it’s not your place to provide a teachable moment. get over yourself. she’s not asking you to cook special food and is bringing it herself. their food can be put on their plate so your no room argument makes no sense.
make sure to dress up as scrooge for the meal. yta
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“my sil’s kids are what they call the most vicious picky eaters out there. mind you theyre 6 & 9 and are probably just being deliberately difficult to their parents”
i stopped reading after there. yta.
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yta either you want to dictate what people eat or you want to enjoy your family at a holiday gathering. these posts about inhospitable hosts are getting tedious.
i prepare all of our family's holiday meals and i could give a rat's backside if people bring a favorite dish or their own food.
and you're excuse "there isn't enough space at the table for extra meals" is ridiculous and absolute malarkey with a side of horse manure.
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yta
why are you so intent on ruining christmas for children??
this won't actually put you out at all, you're just gatekeeping christmas dinner for some weird reason. i mean, i can be a control freak, but i've got nothing on you.
methinks your heart needs to grow a couple of sizes.
ps no one likes the sound of kids crying because they're hungry and don't like the food. don't make everyone listen to it.
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yta.
sure it would be ideal if the kids could eat the regular food, but her bringing something she knows they will eat will prevent any complaining of other disruptions.
> i said i was sorry but there isn't enough space at the table for extra meals
their own plate isn't gonna take up any additional room.
your husband is right, you lose nothing by allowing her to bring a bit of food for her kids.
> i disagree because this was not part of my plans. and if anything this should be a teachable moment for the kids to know that they can't expect to be catered for all the time.
use this as a teachable moment to teach yourself that this isn't not all about you and that you can't expect everyone to cater to your ego.
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yta. don't be a vicious host. my neurodivergent son is six and eats about 20 foods. he would be miserable and sad and would not understand if he didn't have something to eat at such a celebration. you're being remarkably insensitive. and imposing your parenting values on someone else for no reason. why?
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the kids being able to eat is more important than your fragile ego. i feel like you're just being deliberately difficult. yta
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yta. your husband is right. if making two kinds under 10 unhappy on christmas is the hill you want to die on then you should expect some tension with all your in-laws in the future. gracious hosts accommodate their guests. period.
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yta. don't ruin christmas in search of a "teachable moment."
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you aren't the parent, so stop with the teachable moment crap. they're not your children to teach.
i understand about wanting to serve your menu, but would you really rather ruin the christmas dinner with whiny, crying children who are hungry just to make yourself "right".
she probably doesn't expect to put extra dishes on the table. the kids food could be put directly on their plates and wouldn't harm you at all.
yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f31 am gonna be honesting christmas celebration this year. the menu is usual and everyone is familiar with it. my sil's kids are what they call the most vicious picky eaters out there. mind you theyre 6 & 9 and are probably just being deliberately difficult to their parents. sil called to "inform" me that she will be bringing food for her kids to eat at christmas dinner. i asked why and she said that they will not be able to eat anything from the menu after looking at it. i said i was sorry but there isn't enough space at the table for extra meals and besides that the kids should start learning to be more tolerant to some foods, especially at family holiday gathering where it's expected for everyone to just eat what's infront of them without complaining. she went on about how difficult kids can be (mostly can't relate but i get it! but still, she should keep in mind that it's probably a passing phase for them and so sucking it up for one dinner wouldn't affect them. she said that i don't get it and that she doesn't want them to stay hungry or feed on snacks. i apologized and declined. my husband got involved in this and is saying i'm being inconsiderate towards my guests. he said i lose nothing by allowing them to bring food but i disagree because this was not part of my plans. and if anything this should be a teachable moment for the kids to know that they can't expect to be catered for all the time. he got more upset told me that his sister is heavily reconsidering coming to a celebratory dinner where her kids weren't allowed to bring their own food. they're applying pressure on me saying i'll ruin the celebration if i keep trying to die on this hill. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f31 am gonna be honesting christmas celebration this year. the menu is usual and everyone is familiar with it. my sil's kids are what they call the most vicious picky eaters out there. mind you theyre 6 & 9 and are probably just being deliberately difficult to their parents. sil called to "inform" me that she will be bringing food for her kids to eat at christmas dinner. i asked why and she said that they will not be able to eat anything from the menu after looking at it. i said i was sorry but there isn't enough space at the table for extra meals and besides that the kids should start learning to be more tolerant to some foods, especially at family holiday gathering where it's expected for everyone to just eat what's infront of them without complaining. she went on about how difficult kids can be (mostly can't relate but i get it! but still, she should keep in mind that it's probably a passing phase for them and so sucking it up for one dinner wouldn't affect them. she said that i don't get it and that she doesn't want them to stay hungry or feed on snacks. i apologized and declined. my husband got involved in this and is saying i'm being inconsiderate towards my guests. he said i lose nothing by allowing them to bring food but i disagree because this was not part of my plans. and if anything this should be a teachable moment for the kids to know that they can't expect to be catered for all the time. he got more upset told me that his sister is heavily reconsidering coming to a celebratory dinner where her kids weren't allowed to bring their own food. they're applying pressure on me saying i'll ruin the celebration if i keep trying to die on this hill. aita? [/INST] yta. it’s not your place to provide a teachable moment. get over yourself. she’s not asking you to cook special food and is bringing it herself. their food can be put on their plate so your no room argument makes no sense. make sure to dress up as scrooge for the meal. yta </s>
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AITA For Calling The Police On My Husband?
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my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere.
the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam.
after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement.
i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do.
| 27,871 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgj83i/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_husband/
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2021-03-30 15:58:15
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nta and dump him.
he stole your car, let you worry, and can afford to go on a trip with his friends but not to fix his own car ?
you deserve better, hun. go get it.
edit : wow thanks for the awards, kind strangers ! also please don't forget to give some strength to op !
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nta. he literally stole your car like a bratty teenager when you told him no. this should make you seriously reevaluate this relationship.
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please, for the love of god, make this person your ex-husband soon. if your partner can’t even clear the bar of ‘doesn’t steal my car’... and nta, obviously.
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nta. he copied your key, and he stole your car right out of the parking lot. how were you to know the car thief was him? meanwhile, he left you stranded in a pandemic to party with his buddies. calling the police was appropriate. so is leaving his selfish, irresponsible ass.
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nta, but your title is misleading.
you didn’t call the police on your husband. you called the police to report that your car had been stolen. the fact that your husband was the one who stole it is his fault, not yours.
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nta.
i know reddit always says to dump your spouse, and leave him behind but in this situation? he stole your car, during your exams, for a very stressful major. a very serious one as well, as failing can delay graduation for a year+. he has no regard for you. he has no respect for you. i am really sorry.
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nta
he lied to you, so you properly assumed your car was stolen. he took it without your permission or knowledge, that is stealing.
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nta
why is your husband doing a road trip *every month* when he can’t even afford to get a car fixed?
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nta
he stole your fucking car.
why are you still together?
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nta. would your husband have rathered your first thought be "my husband has taken the car"?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam. after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement. i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband's car doesn't work and he needs money to get it fixed. he doesn't have enough money. i'm in medicine school and have been getting ready for my exams for a month now. every month he and his friends go on a road trip. his car's been sitting in the garage for 3 months now. he asked if he could take my car to take the guys on a road trip since it was his turn to take them. i told him i need the car since i have a weak immune system and public transportation might be risky. and i can't afford to get sick in the middle of my exams. he begged saying his friends are gonna say he ruined the trip and our discussion got nowhere. the trip was last week. i had an exam the day of the trip and left at 8am. i had several things to do. i stopped by the coffee shop to use the internet. i arrived at the university at 8:30 and entered the hall getting ready for my exam. after i finished. i spent few minutes with my friends then i left. i got to the parking lot and my car wasn't there, i started freaking out. thinking i might've left the door open or something. i called my husband but he didn't pick up. my friends immediately told me to call the police. i ended up waiting for them to ask me about what happened. the officer said i needed to come to the station to give my statement. i stayed there for 4 hours then i was told my car was found. my husband was driving it and was picked up an hour away from where we live. i was shocked. and mad. it never occured to me that he was the one who took it. i went home and waited til he got back. he was upset and didn't want to talk about what he did. the argument started after he said he made a copy of the key and didn't take til he made sure i arrived for my exam. i yelled at him and told him it was not okay. he caused me to stress out and worry about the car. he told me calling the police was drastic and shouldn't have gotten them involved but i had no idea he took the car. he said he wanted to text me but forgot. said the trip was ruined and he was embarrassed by being picked up by the police while he was with friends. he still thinks calling the police was over the top reaction but what was i supposed to do. [/INST] nta and dump him. he stole your car, let you worry, and can afford to go on a trip with his friends but not to fix his own car ? you deserve better, hun. go get it. edit : wow thanks for the awards, kind strangers ! also please don't forget to give some strength to op ! </s>
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AITA for asking my daughter to take her siblings along & being mad she didn't take care of him?
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a few days ago my daughter (17f) was going on an outing to a coffee shop (wouldn't tell me what shop) and i asked her to take her brother (9m) and she said no.
also this is allolwed.
and started complaining about how a 9yr ain't going to fit in a crowd of 17-18yrs. i told her to just watch him and she said that i can do that just fine.
my 9 yr is very active , never sleeps, and he's a little annoying. i needed a break that day, just for an hour or two.
my daughter started arguing with me and in the end when i threatened to ground her , only did she leave .
she came back an 2 hours later and there was a french coffee in her hands and this oreo blizzard in my son's.
my son gets even more active after eating sugar, and doesn't even sleep.
i yelled at her and said the she wasn't supposed to get him anything and she said that "he wouldn't stop whining and that he's been eating fruits for the past week so he deserved a drink, and he's not gonna die"
im sure she did it to spite me.
i didn't ground her or anything just sent her to her room, and my son is sad i took his drink away. i don't want my son to have cavities , he already has a sweet tooth.
aita?
| 5,723 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hr3g37/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_to_take_her_siblings/
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2020-07-14 15:21:47
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yta. why would you send a 9 year old to a coffee place to hang out with 17 year olds? she shouldn’t have to take him along in the first place, and that’s not an age group where he would fit in.
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yta. you’re the parent, not her. and she’s right—it’s weird to have a 9 year old around a group of 17/18 year old teens.
parenting is your job, not hers.
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yta - if you really wanted a break from your annoying and active 9 year old, tell him to go oustide and play in the backyard. your daughter is 17 and was hanging out with people her age. why even threaten to ground her just because you want "a little break". tough shit.
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yta, your 17-years-old daughter isn't your son's parent or your free babysitter. it's not her responsibility to take him when you need a break.
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yta. you can’t complain you need a break and force your daughter to take him somewhere and complain when she gets him something. unless you specifically said to her don’t feed or give him a drink (which would have been weird) she was doing it to make him more manageable, which clearly you said he’s a bit much.
he’s your child, not your daughters. it’s your job to deal with him when he’s hyper or annoying, not hers.
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yta. using your kid like this is going to make her resentful as hell of you and i wouldn't plan on having a great relationship with her later in life.
also... let your kid have a blizzard every once in a while. toothpaste, mouthwash, and flossing will prevent cavities. also also... sugar making children hyper is a complete myth.
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yta. your daughter did not choose to have a child. you did. if you couldn't handle another child, you shouldn't have had one.
i feel bad for your daughter. to be forced into parenting your child then when she did, to have you punish her for doing her best. if you don't want your son to have sugary drinks, take some responsibility to watch your child, not to push being a parent onto someone else.
and having your 9 year old in a group of 17/18 year olds? that is so highly inappropriate to have exposed him to that. i remember when i was that age, conversation was certainly not appropriate for a 9 year old.
your daughter did her best and will probably resent you for a long time if you continue like this.
next time, get a babysitter, don't use your other children as free labour.
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if this real, yes, yta. you bullied your daughter into taking her brother with her to hang out with her friends who are almost 10 years older than him. then, you complain about what she did with him while giving you the break you whined for.
the whole tone of this post sounds young, whiny, and immature.
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yta. why would you insist she take him to hang out with her friends? do you know the kind of conversations teenagers have? that was a weird decision on your part and i would have pumped him full of caffeine as well just to spite you.
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yta. you asked your daughter to bring a 9 year old around 17-18 year olds. she is not your baby sitter. and then you had the nerve to judge her on how she took care of him because it wasn’t “your way”. and then you took the ice cream away from a 9 year old once they already started eating it and enjoying it. just call yourself joy killer.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few days ago my daughter (17f) was going on an outing to a coffee shop (wouldn't tell me what shop) and i asked her to take her brother (9m) and she said no. also this is allolwed. and started complaining about how a 9yr ain't going to fit in a crowd of 17-18yrs. i told her to just watch him and she said that i can do that just fine. my 9 yr is very active , never sleeps, and he's a little annoying. i needed a break that day, just for an hour or two. my daughter started arguing with me and in the end when i threatened to ground her , only did she leave . she came back an 2 hours later and there was a french coffee in her hands and this oreo blizzard in my son's. my son gets even more active after eating sugar, and doesn't even sleep. i yelled at her and said the she wasn't supposed to get him anything and she said that "he wouldn't stop whining and that he's been eating fruits for the past week so he deserved a drink, and he's not gonna die" im sure she did it to spite me. i didn't ground her or anything just sent her to her room, and my son is sad i took his drink away. i don't want my son to have cavities , he already has a sweet tooth. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few days ago my daughter (17f) was going on an outing to a coffee shop (wouldn't tell me what shop) and i asked her to take her brother (9m) and she said no. also this is allolwed. and started complaining about how a 9yr ain't going to fit in a crowd of 17-18yrs. i told her to just watch him and she said that i can do that just fine. my 9 yr is very active , never sleeps, and he's a little annoying. i needed a break that day, just for an hour or two. my daughter started arguing with me and in the end when i threatened to ground her , only did she leave . she came back an 2 hours later and there was a french coffee in her hands and this oreo blizzard in my son's. my son gets even more active after eating sugar, and doesn't even sleep. i yelled at her and said the she wasn't supposed to get him anything and she said that "he wouldn't stop whining and that he's been eating fruits for the past week so he deserved a drink, and he's not gonna die" im sure she did it to spite me. i didn't ground her or anything just sent her to her room, and my son is sad i took his drink away. i don't want my son to have cavities , he already has a sweet tooth. aita? [/INST] yta. why would you send a 9 year old to a coffee place to hang out with 17 year olds? she shouldn’t have to take him along in the first place, and that’s not an age group where he would fit in. </s>
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AITA for not showing up to my daughter’s birth because my fiance lied?
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my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm.
she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly.
when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have.
my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment.
aita?
| 8,242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmxg3v/aita_for_not_showing_up_to_my_daughters_birth/
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2020-07-07 16:09:49
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yta. she shouldn't have lied but obviously she feared if you knew the truth you wouldn't come and you didn't. you literally proved her right.
>she got my hopes up for a boy
?? its the birth of your child and you missed it cus you wanted it to be a boy.
its your child regardless??
if not for your wife be there for your kid jesus.
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[removed]
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yta because you missed the birth of your child because you're on bad terms with the mother atm. you will never get to experience that again.
yta for being disappointed that you had a girl. and if this is how you react to finding out you're having a girl then your wife is probably right about the way women are treated in your family.
yta for holding on to this anger for months instead of working through it.
and yta for obviously missing the doctor appointments during your wife's pregnancy or you would've found out the sex of the baby when she did.
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yta
>especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly
>
>i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month
you don't appear to value a daughter nearly as much as a son. it appears that your fiance's concern that your family treats women badly is well founded.
>i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
>
> she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago
this wasn't just about not being there for your fiance, but about being there for the birth of your daughter. this doesn't sound like a case of her going into labor early and you missed the birth, you were actively boycotting it. you had 2 months to make peace with this but have refused to do so.
your fiance shouldn't have lied to you, if for no other reason, to give you a reason to feel justified for making your pouting about her lying instead of about you being disappointed that your first (i assume) child isn't a boy.
please put your sexist bullshit aside and be a good father to your daughter. i have a young daughter that i love to pieces. it breaks my heart that you don't feel the same way about yours.
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info- why does she feel women are treated badly in your family? why would you schedule a trip around her due date? why did you have your “hopes up” about it being a boy?
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yta - you just proved her claims of women being treated poorly. this is your daughter, and you didn’t come because you hate her mother.
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yta. sounds like the women in your family are indeed treated badly, and you're carrying that cycle along by your own admission. frankly, given your pettiness, penchant for cruelty, and massive overreactive tendencies, i hope fiance becomes your ex-fiance and seeks full custody. you don't sound fit to be parent to a daughter.
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**yt biggest a for real.**
* if she believes that the women in your family are "treated badly" to the point that she was afraid to tell you that you're having a daughter, y'all need counseling.
* regardless of how mad you are, be at the birth of your child. not just because **you'll never get that moment back**, but also because you're kind of proving her right.
* it's awful that she lied. but now you "hate" her? damn!
edited ruling: i was almost leaning esh, but am full yta now. i appreciate the excellent points others have made.
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>especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly.
ok, what has happened that's made her feel like she had to go as far as lying?
>my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy
yeah, you definately need to tell us what it is about you and your family that made her do this.
>i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms.
but you would have if it was going to be the birth of a son?
yta.
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wow, with that kind of attitude i can see why she lied about the gender. yta, and i wouldn't be surprised if you're not single again soon.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.009259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm. she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly. when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have. my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms. since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé (29) gave birth yesterday, went into labor the day before at around 11:30 pm. she confessed to me (21m) about two months ago that she lied about the baby being a boy, that it was actually a girl. since then, i’ve hated her on and off for that lie, especially because she accused the women in my family of being treated badly. when she went into labor, i was on a trip and had a meeting with an investor early the next morning to show them the prototype my team and i have. my mil told me to cancel it, but i was so angry that she got my hopes up for a boy and straight up lied about the sex for a good month that i said i wasn’t giving up a possible investment when my fiancé and i are on bad terms. since then, i’ve gotten mean texts from my fiancé. my fiancé works at a tech company and she said the stress of our fights has made her go part time way before she had maternity leave. she said i ruined my family, especially since i was investing my time into a startup app that was still in iteration, ie not making money at the moment. aita? [/INST] yta. she shouldn't have lied but obviously she feared if you knew the truth you wouldn't come and you didn't. you literally proved her right. >she got my hopes up for a boy ?? its the birth of your child and you missed it cus you wanted it to be a boy. its your child regardless?? if not for your wife be there for your kid jesus. </s>
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AITA taking away my daughter’s car for lying to my fiancée?
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i am 36 and have a 16 year old daughter.
i have full custody of her because her mom, 40, had a mental breakdown and has been in and out of rehab.
this january, i started dating my girlfriend (21f).
then quarantine happened and that time apart made me realize that i wanted to spend my life with her. so i proposed in may and she’s moved in. our wedding is in october.
since then, my daughter has been a nightmare. she and my youngest sister, 25, keep calling my fiancée “ the kid.”
my fiancée decides to invite my daughter out to go shopping. she kept trying to set a date but my daughter kept saying she had an extracurricular activity.
so yesterday day when my daughter once again said she was going to practice her serve, i decided to follow her car.
she ended up pulling up to a diner and i realized she was grabbing lunch with my youngest sister.
i am furious. first at my sister for enabling toxic behavior and second at my daughter for lying to her stepmom.
i ended up taking her car keys away from her. her aunt then calls and says i had no right to do so. i explained that she would not be getting her car back until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom.
aita for not condoning lying? i just want my fiancée to be accepted into the family.
| 6,083 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnjxov/aita_taking_away_my_daughters_car_for_lying_to_my/
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2020-07-08 16:14:54
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yta
you’re engaged to a 21 year-old that you started dating in january.
she is no one’s stepmom and never will be.
your daughter is 16. she has a responsibility to be civil, but that is all.
your daughter is not obligated to bond with this woman.
it’s a good thing that she has other women in your family that she feels comfortable reaching out to. destroying her support system is an awful thing to do.
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yta. how did you think your kid was going to react when you got engaged to someone closer to her age than yours?
"until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom" - you're kidding, right? you can't force any two people to bond. you're actually making it less likely. yta yta yta
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yta every step of the way. let's break this down:
> i am 36 and have a 16 year old daughter.....this january, i started dating my girlfriend (21f)
okaaaay, so your dating a girl that's only a couple years older than your daughter. kinda weird.
>then quarantine happened and that time apart made me realize that i wanted to spend my life with her. so i proposed in may and she’s moved in.
so proposed after 5 months of dating, much of which you've been "apart" and moved her into your home with your daughter? has your daughter met this person? i take it she didn't have a say in her moving in?
>since then, my daughter has been a nightmare. she and my youngest sister, 25, keep calling my fiancée “ the kid.”
understandable that your daughter has considerable resentment about this situation. i'd probably refer to her as "the kid" too.
>so yesterday day when my daughter once again said she was going to practice her serve, i decided to follow her car. she ended up pulling up to a diner and i realized she was grabbing lunch with my youngest sister.
so seems like your daughter has no interest in bonding with your fiancée but doesn't want to create drama so she blew her off? have you never used a white lie to avoid having to spend time with someone? would you have preferred that she was honest and told your fiancée that she wasn't interested in spending time with her? would that have been better? you followed her car, wtf?
>i am furious....my daughter for lying to her stepmom.
she's not her "stepmom." first, she's not your wife, she's your fiancée. second, "stepmom" assumes that your fiancée is some type of parental figure to your daughter, which with only a 5 year age gap is never going to be the case.
>i explained that she would not be getting her car back until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom. aita for not condoning lying? i just want my fiancée to be accepted into the family.
this isn't about "condoning lying." if it was, then an apology for lying and her being honest about not wanting to bond with your fiancée friend would be sufficient. this is about you wanting to force your daughter to accept your fiancée, and punishing her if she doesn't. you can't force that and your approach isn't helping.
you forced this whole weird situation on your daughter and it's not going how you hoped. talk to your daughter about her concerns. you probably need to take a step back with your fiancée.
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yta. she doesn’t want to go shopping with your “wife”. that’s her right.
also, don’t expect a 16 year old to view someone younger than her aunt as a mother figure.
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yta what the hell? you're forcing your daughter to 'respect' someone only five years older than her as a mother figure. are you serious right now? you're 36 and your ex-wife is 40, which is a 4 year age difference. that difference is almost the same as the one between your fiancee and daughter. obviously she is not going to consider her a stepmother. jeez.
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yta. your fiancé is a child, and trying to lock her down after only a few months of dating makes me very concerned about your judgment and suitability as a partner.
your daughter is essentially her peer. you can't try to force your daughter to be your new girlfriend's best friend. it is deeply worrying that you not only followed her, but you're now trying to keep your daughter isolated from her other family members until she gets on board with this screwed up situation.
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yta - for dating and moving a girl into your house that’s nearer your daughters age than yours. you cannot force them to bond. you. can. not. force. them. to. bond.
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yta this woman (she’s not technically a kid) is only 5 years older than your daughter. that’s skeevy to most people, but especially to teenagers. this woman will never be her mother; they’re close enough in age that they could’ve gone to the same elementary school.
the aunt sounds like a good person in your daughter’s life; someone she can trust and can turn to when she needs guidance or someone to listen. you’re a terrible parent for discouraging that relationship.
punish her for lying about going to work on her serve, but don’t force her to “bond” with your girlfriend; it’s not going to end well, and will create more tension and problems for everyone. if she doesn’t want to go shopping, don’t make her go shopping. she’s not a little kid you can control anymore.
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yta
that lie was honestly the polite thing to do. you would have been absolutely livid had your daughter told your fiancée “no” to going out shopping with her you also would have been mad if you’d found out she was out with your sister— which again is really no big deal. and your daughter knew that. so she instead just politely said again she had to go practice her sport, and your fiancée never really got the hint. you’re essentially angry that your daughter doesn’t like your fiancée. which isn’t fair, your daughter doesn’t have to like her. it sounds like she’s got a lot going on. she’s 16, her parents are divorced, mom is in and out of rehab, and now there’s this woman marrying her father who’s like 4-5 years older than her, and her father keeps calling that woman her “step mom”. that’s super bizarre. i’d want to get away from both of you too. give her her car back so that she can at least go see the one family member that she feels like understands her.
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yta. you're fiancée is a child. she's younger than your younger sister and only slightly older than your own daughter. why are you dating someone so close to your daughter's age? it's creepy and obviously your sister and your daughter are uncomfortable with it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 36 and have a 16 year old daughter. i have full custody of her because her mom, 40, had a mental breakdown and has been in and out of rehab. this january, i started dating my girlfriend (21f). then quarantine happened and that time apart made me realize that i wanted to spend my life with her. so i proposed in may and she’s moved in. our wedding is in october. since then, my daughter has been a nightmare. she and my youngest sister, 25, keep calling my fiancée “ the kid.” my fiancée decides to invite my daughter out to go shopping. she kept trying to set a date but my daughter kept saying she had an extracurricular activity. so yesterday day when my daughter once again said she was going to practice her serve, i decided to follow her car. she ended up pulling up to a diner and i realized she was grabbing lunch with my youngest sister. i am furious. first at my sister for enabling toxic behavior and second at my daughter for lying to her stepmom. i ended up taking her car keys away from her. her aunt then calls and says i had no right to do so. i explained that she would not be getting her car back until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom. aita for not condoning lying? i just want my fiancée to be accepted into the family.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 36 and have a 16 year old daughter. i have full custody of her because her mom, 40, had a mental breakdown and has been in and out of rehab. this january, i started dating my girlfriend (21f). then quarantine happened and that time apart made me realize that i wanted to spend my life with her. so i proposed in may and she’s moved in. our wedding is in october. since then, my daughter has been a nightmare. she and my youngest sister, 25, keep calling my fiancée “ the kid.” my fiancée decides to invite my daughter out to go shopping. she kept trying to set a date but my daughter kept saying she had an extracurricular activity. so yesterday day when my daughter once again said she was going to practice her serve, i decided to follow her car. she ended up pulling up to a diner and i realized she was grabbing lunch with my youngest sister. i am furious. first at my sister for enabling toxic behavior and second at my daughter for lying to her stepmom. i ended up taking her car keys away from her. her aunt then calls and says i had no right to do so. i explained that she would not be getting her car back until she makes an attempt to bond with her stepmom. aita for not condoning lying? i just want my fiancée to be accepted into the family. [/INST] yta you’re engaged to a 21 year-old that you started dating in january. she is no one’s stepmom and never will be. your daughter is 16. she has a responsibility to be civil, but that is all. your daughter is not obligated to bond with this woman. it’s a good thing that she has other women in your family that she feels comfortable reaching out to. destroying her support system is an awful thing to do. </s>
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AITA for making a baby cry to save $100?
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okay hear me out.
so today i took my baby over to my parents’ house for dinner, without my wife. we have a five month old, she’s home with the kid all day while i’m at work and needed a break—so i went with the baby. works out well for everyone because she can nap, my parents get to spend time with their granddaughter, and i bring her home a doggie bag with dinner.
on the way home, around 10pm, i made a left in a no left. it saves me about 10 minutes because otherwise you have to go all the way around this huge park and then there are a bunch of one-way streets. it’s a no left there because in rush hour it gets clogged up, but this was late at night and the street was pretty quiet: turning left did not worsen traffic or put anyone in any danger.
of course there is a cop lurking and waiting, and i get pulled over. here in ontario, ‘disobey a sign’ is a $100 fine and 2 demerits (guess how i know…).
baby was sleeping in her car seat in the back. so just as the cop was about to leave her car to walk up to mine, i just for a second turned the radio on fairly loud and on a static channel. baby woke up and starting screaming. when i rolled down the window, the cop heard a screaming baby and sent me on my way.
baby was perfectly fine. i gave her the pacifier and as soon as the car started moving she fell back asleep. we’re home now and she’s asleep and perfectly fine in her crib. i felt kind of guilty about the whole situation so i moved $100 (what i would have paid for the ticket) into the kid’s resp (university fund).
‘my wife was absolutely furious when she found out’ is what i might say if i was a complete idiot and had told her.
aita?
| 16,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cc5orf/aita_for_making_a_baby_cry_to_save_100/
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2019-07-12 03:41:08
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yta you know that both things you did were wrong and did them anyways.
you're a major asshole for taking a left at a no left. i had a friend do this when "the street was pretty quiet" and got t-boned by a guy who came out of nowhere. his wife was 7 months pregnant and they lost the baby. don't drive like an asshole, especially with your child in the car.
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yta: not because you woke up your kid, but because you continuously break traffic laws with your child in the car. the fact that there’s not any traffic doesn’t mean that someone won’t come speeding through and hit you. the kid won’t remember the one time you woke him to get out of a ticket but if you get into an accident he might not ever get the chance to.
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yta. you really gotta ask if punishing a child for your mistake, simply for your selfish and illegal gain, is an asshole move?
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honestly yta for putting your baby’s life at risk making that turn. that’s your baby. your wife would be furious because you could have killed your baby.
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yta - you had no reason to think the cop would let you go (many people with screaming kids still get tickets).
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yta.
1. you broke the law.
1. you used your child to get yourself out of the consequences from breaking the law.
1. you know your wife would be mad at you if you were *honest* with her, but you decide to cowardly hide the truth from her anyway.
1. *you pretended to try and make up for this by throwing some money at your kid's future?*
op, i get that you're guilty—using your kid is an ah thing to do—but you even tried to remedy it by just throwing money at the problem? take some responsibility.
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holy crap, this is hilarious.
yes, yta but on a scale of assholery it's about a 1/10.
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you are a motherfucking genius.
nta.
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nta
in this thread: a lot of holier-than-thou types. it's am i the asshole, not am i slightly irresponsible.
just to be clear, you really shouldn't be breaking traffic laws, especially with a kid in the car. but also, it's not the biggest deal in the world, assuming the street was empty and you were paying attention. if a friend told me this story, i'd probably laugh about the hijinks he got himself into.
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yep, yta. you made your baby suffer (no matter how minor) for your own personal gain. you know this, that's why you feel guilty.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.128 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay hear me out. so today i took my baby over to my parents’ house for dinner, without my wife. we have a five month old, she’s home with the kid all day while i’m at work and needed a break—so i went with the baby. works out well for everyone because she can nap, my parents get to spend time with their granddaughter, and i bring her home a doggie bag with dinner. on the way home, around 10pm, i made a left in a no left. it saves me about 10 minutes because otherwise you have to go all the way around this huge park and then there are a bunch of one-way streets. it’s a no left there because in rush hour it gets clogged up, but this was late at night and the street was pretty quiet: turning left did not worsen traffic or put anyone in any danger. of course there is a cop lurking and waiting, and i get pulled over. here in ontario, ‘disobey a sign’ is a $100 fine and 2 demerits (guess how i know…). baby was sleeping in her car seat in the back. so just as the cop was about to leave her car to walk up to mine, i just for a second turned the radio on fairly loud and on a static channel. baby woke up and starting screaming. when i rolled down the window, the cop heard a screaming baby and sent me on my way. baby was perfectly fine. i gave her the pacifier and as soon as the car started moving she fell back asleep. we’re home now and she’s asleep and perfectly fine in her crib. i felt kind of guilty about the whole situation so i moved $100 (what i would have paid for the ticket) into the kid’s resp (university fund). ‘my wife was absolutely furious when she found out’ is what i might say if i was a complete idiot and had told her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay hear me out. so today i took my baby over to my parents’ house for dinner, without my wife. we have a five month old, she’s home with the kid all day while i’m at work and needed a break—so i went with the baby. works out well for everyone because she can nap, my parents get to spend time with their granddaughter, and i bring her home a doggie bag with dinner. on the way home, around 10pm, i made a left in a no left. it saves me about 10 minutes because otherwise you have to go all the way around this huge park and then there are a bunch of one-way streets. it’s a no left there because in rush hour it gets clogged up, but this was late at night and the street was pretty quiet: turning left did not worsen traffic or put anyone in any danger. of course there is a cop lurking and waiting, and i get pulled over. here in ontario, ‘disobey a sign’ is a $100 fine and 2 demerits (guess how i know…). baby was sleeping in her car seat in the back. so just as the cop was about to leave her car to walk up to mine, i just for a second turned the radio on fairly loud and on a static channel. baby woke up and starting screaming. when i rolled down the window, the cop heard a screaming baby and sent me on my way. baby was perfectly fine. i gave her the pacifier and as soon as the car started moving she fell back asleep. we’re home now and she’s asleep and perfectly fine in her crib. i felt kind of guilty about the whole situation so i moved $100 (what i would have paid for the ticket) into the kid’s resp (university fund). ‘my wife was absolutely furious when she found out’ is what i might say if i was a complete idiot and had told her. aita? [/INST] yta you know that both things you did were wrong and did them anyways. you're a major asshole for taking a left at a no left. i had a friend do this when "the street was pretty quiet" and got t-boned by a guy who came out of nowhere. his wife was 7 months pregnant and they lost the baby. don't drive like an asshole, especially with your child in the car. </s>
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AITA for sending my coworker into anaphylactic shock?
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i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess.
so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically.
lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now.
thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have.
but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
| 31,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ulwow7/aita_for_sending_my_coworker_into_anaphylactic/
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2022-05-09 17:38:21
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nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate.
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nta- you didn't feed it to her. she stole it.
>at the same time, i could have killed his daughter
no, she could have killed herself. my wife had a heavy duty seafood allergy. she wouldn't eat anything without knowing what was in it. like, cesar salad dressing has anchovies in it. other sauces are made with seafood to. it can had in places you wouldn't expect. so, she would never take someone else food (on principle first, because it's stealing) because it could be life threatening.
i would have thought that anyone with a severe food allergy would take the same precautions, but obviously not. well, next time she'll think twice before "borrowing" someone else's food.
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absolutely 100% nta.
>my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) “borrowed” my lunch
*borrowed???* and how exactly is she going to return this food that she *borrowed* after ingesting it? it’s not *borrowing* when she was never planning on returning it or compensating you. i’m so sorry that your boss is terrible.
she **stole** your food. she didn’t ask, she just took it upon herself to take *your* lunch. she is the ta.
is she only doing this to you or is she taking everyone else’s lunch as well?
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nta
go to hr pronto. don't threaten hr. get this on file. see if you can switch departments or supervisors.
report both your boss and his daughter, the food thief.
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go to hr asap. in hr terms what happened is someone stole your lunch and the container it was in. the person who did this is another employee’s close relation, and because that employee is your manager you are facing bullying and reprisal from your manager, and further bullying and hostile work environment from coworkers.
you do not need to put up with this, you are not in the wrong. the daughter, the boss, and the coworkers are all in the wrong and you need to document and report. unfortunately it’s unlikely you can just go back to normal, but what your boss and coworkers are doing is not just shitty but potentially illegal and certainly a liability hr should deal with. typically this type of mess is why companies are wary of hiring relatives of employees except as interns/short term hires.
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stop reading. go to hr and report this before your boss spins it to them as you doing this intentionally. read the rest of the comments later.
nta though.
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nta
she stole from you, and that’s what happened. it’s not your fault that the boss’ daughter didn’t check for peanuts. 100% her own fault.
report the boss to hr regardless, and warn him that you’ll report him again if he takes revenge on any kind on you.
don’t pay a cent towards her medical bills, bill her for the food she stole.
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nta
she,the lunch thief, is an idiot . if she's ond enough to be in the workplace, she's *way past* old enough to know better than to steal and it's insanity for someone with an allergy to a common ingredient to eat random foods without knowing what is in them.
you didn't put her in the hospital, she put herself in the hospital.
i suggest going to hr and getting your side of this story on the record. it's pretty iffy that the daughter was put under her father's supervision- reeks of nepotism .
i also suggest getting out of this work environment, if not by leaving the company altogether then by exploring the possibility of another team, another department, definitely another supervisor.
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nta. his daughter could have killed _herself_ by eating food without knowing what was in it. how were you to know?
you don't "borrow" lunch. you "steal" it.
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nta.
you shouldn't have to mark your food for potential allergies cuz other people are not supposed to be taking your food. they do and that is called stealing.
boss' daughter stealing your food, going into anaphylactic shock, and ending up in the hospital is not your responsibility. it is on her. he can say you poisoned her but that is because he can't bear to blame his little darling for her sticky fingers. you should not be on the hook for any of her medical bills.
i would consider looking for a new job cuz boss man is going to make your life hell, even if you report him to hr.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm at a loss here guys. realistically, i know i'm in the clear. legally, i'm in the clear. but i'm being vilified by my coworkers, and i'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. so i work a pretty standard day job, and at night i help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of thai cuisine. tbh i'm insanely picky, but i fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week i take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. people know this and a handful have tried it. it smells nutty, it tastes nutty. it's white girl pad thai, basically. lately my lunches have been disappearing, or i'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. i've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and i was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. until now. thursday i took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. i'm pissed, but what can i do? a coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. anaphylaxis. she used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but i don't see it. why should i pay? i don't mark my food as an allergen because i'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. but he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because i warned him i'd report any harassment to hr if he tried anything funny. brown nosers, i guess. my friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but i just can't help but feel it's unfair. at the same time, i could have killed his daughter tho... so, aita? [/INST] nta - go to hr immediately and make them aware of what is going on. you did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate. </s>
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AITA for making my daughter do all the Post-Christmas celebration cleaning because of the gift she gave to my wife?
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i've been with my wife for 4 an a half years. she suffered from breast cancer and we got married after she completed her treatment. this is also our first christmas together as a married couple. i have a 16 y.o. daughter who can tolerate but not accept her stepmom and can be passive aggressive towards her sometimes. she's done somethings in the past that warented a number of punishements but my wife has been graceful and forgiving saying my daughter is being a typical teeanger and trying to adapt but in my opinion she has gotten out of control especially with lack of consequences.
there's been tension around the holiday and suprisingly my daughter decided to spend christmas with us saying her mom went to visit her futur stepdad's family few towns over.
my wife was thrilled with my daughter staying with us. she prepared everything and i helped here and there while my daughter was on her phone the entire time. i welcomed my inlaws and we had a great time throughout the day. christmas dinner went fine though my wife seemed a bit upset. she refused to say what's wrong til i pressured her. she then opened the box my daughter got her for christmas and there was a bra inside it. my wife broke down crying in the kitchen. i was fuming i called for my daughter and confronted her about the gift and she tried to explain it wasn't malicious but i disagreed and said yes it was and it was purposfully done to offend her stepmom and mock her illness. i decided to punish her by having her do all the cleaning after the guests left but she tried to evade it by saying ok then turning around and calling her stepbrother to come pick her up and take her to her mothers house. i caught her at the door and kicked her stepbrother out and told her to start cleaning up immediately. she went hysteric yelling about how cruel i was to punish her on christmas and how insensitive and unlady like my wife was to be offended by the bra. i refused to engage in her yelling matches and made sure she did all the cleaning which my wife said was a lot and asked me to let my daughter go to her mom's house but i insisted not until the punishement was complete.
my daughter called her stepbrother again and left later. she immediately called her mom who came after me on sm and berated me for doing what i did and ruining christmas for her. i had a argument with her about what our daughter did but she sided with her and called me abusive and a robot controlled by my wife though my wife asked me to let it go.
she got my former inlaws involved and they have been criticizing me about what i did.
| 18,555 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rp6xqr/aita_for_making_my_daughter_do_all_the/
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2021-12-26 22:02:18
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nta. i was fully prepared to be on the side of your daughter because that's who i tend to sympathize with in situations like this, but what she did was so unbelievably cruel and malicious that i hardly even know what to say. having to clean up is the absolute least she should expect for what she did. teenagers can be cruel, but that's just way, way over the line.
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omfg, nta! what your daughter did was cruel and hurtful. good for you for supporting your wife and trying to get your daughter in line. honestly, she sounds awful and your wife sounds like an angel. you also seem balanced, so i don't know what happened with your daughter, but your ex should not be siding with her over that behavior. stand your ground. one day when your daughter matures, i hope she apologizes to your wife.
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nta.
you made her do a chore. she tried to undermine your authority by just leaving instead. you stood strong as you should have.
that was a cruel gift to give.
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nta
gifting your stepmom a bra is far from usual this was a trageted and very cruel attack to specificallly hurt her. i don't know if there is back story why your daughter hates your wife so much (if you cheated or if you put your kids behind her), but you said your daughter decided to spend christmas with you and didn't have to, so there aren't excuses in my opinion.
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i’m going with nta. your daughter sounds like a snot. and no, this isn’t typical teenage behavior.
your daughter targeted your wife. her “gift” was a blatant stab at your wife’s breast cancer. i can’t even wrap my mind around how mean that was.
and no that wasn’t to great a punishment. let’s begin with the daughter not lifting a finger to help with any of the preparations. so her plan was “not do anything, get gifts and a great meal, present a cruel gift to step mother, and then peel out of there when things got hot”? seriously?!??
nta. what your daughter did was cruel. a profound lack of empathy.
and your ex can shut it. as well as the ex in-laws. they are contributing to unacceptable and cruel behavior. your daughter needs a major attitude adjustment.
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nta because i found the mastectomy confirmation. this was done on purpose and maliciously. honestly, it might be time to eliminate the contact your wife has with your daughter and to have a therapist intervene. until your daughter can apologize sincerely and understands exactly what she did, protect your wife. this kid is 16 and sounds like a goddamn nightmare
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nta.
your daughter doesn't have to get along with your wife, but the least she could do - literally the least - is not outright be cruel to her, in her own house, on christmas.
there's no way the cruelness was unintentional, women don't buy each other underwear for christmas gifts. the only time i've (a woman) ever come remotely close to buying another woman lingerie was to buy a victoria's secret \*gift card\* to slip into a little gift basket for a bachelorette party gift for the bride. women don't buy each other underwear and bras for christmas, especially not for their mom/dad's wife.
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nta. as you said you’ve noticed crappy behavior by your daughter to your wife in the past. your wife’s graciousness and patience has allowed it unfortunately to go unchecked.
good on you for ‘checking’ her behavior now.
tell her she needs to check her attitude at the door. it will not be tolerated, and there will be consequences.
not all teenagers are actually thoughtless cruel assholes. it’s not ok to make allowances for it, ie assuming she’s just acting like every other 16 year old today, nor assume this is normal adjusting to your marriage.
your daughter was being an ass.
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nta punishment was neither cruel nor abusive, and she deserved consequences for mocking a breast cancer survivor.
i realize your wife didn't want her punished before because she didn't want to seem like the bad guy, but that's why your daughter assumed there would be no consequences this time. there needs to be a consistent pattern of "the punishment fits the crime", for your daughter's sake as much as your wife's so she doesn't absorb that she can get away with mistreating people she doesn't like.
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nta- you’re nicer than me. i’d have donated every last one of her gifts.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been with my wife for 4 an a half years. she suffered from breast cancer and we got married after she completed her treatment. this is also our first christmas together as a married couple. i have a 16 y.o. daughter who can tolerate but not accept her stepmom and can be passive aggressive towards her sometimes. she's done somethings in the past that warented a number of punishements but my wife has been graceful and forgiving saying my daughter is being a typical teeanger and trying to adapt but in my opinion she has gotten out of control especially with lack of consequences. there's been tension around the holiday and suprisingly my daughter decided to spend christmas with us saying her mom went to visit her futur stepdad's family few towns over. my wife was thrilled with my daughter staying with us. she prepared everything and i helped here and there while my daughter was on her phone the entire time. i welcomed my inlaws and we had a great time throughout the day. christmas dinner went fine though my wife seemed a bit upset. she refused to say what's wrong til i pressured her. she then opened the box my daughter got her for christmas and there was a bra inside it. my wife broke down crying in the kitchen. i was fuming i called for my daughter and confronted her about the gift and she tried to explain it wasn't malicious but i disagreed and said yes it was and it was purposfully done to offend her stepmom and mock her illness. i decided to punish her by having her do all the cleaning after the guests left but she tried to evade it by saying ok then turning around and calling her stepbrother to come pick her up and take her to her mothers house. i caught her at the door and kicked her stepbrother out and told her to start cleaning up immediately. she went hysteric yelling about how cruel i was to punish her on christmas and how insensitive and unlady like my wife was to be offended by the bra. i refused to engage in her yelling matches and made sure she did all the cleaning which my wife said was a lot and asked me to let my daughter go to her mom's house but i insisted not until the punishement was complete. my daughter called her stepbrother again and left later. she immediately called her mom who came after me on sm and berated me for doing what i did and ruining christmas for her. i had a argument with her about what our daughter did but she sided with her and called me abusive and a robot controlled by my wife though my wife asked me to let it go. she got my former inlaws involved and they have been criticizing me about what i did.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been with my wife for 4 an a half years. she suffered from breast cancer and we got married after she completed her treatment. this is also our first christmas together as a married couple. i have a 16 y.o. daughter who can tolerate but not accept her stepmom and can be passive aggressive towards her sometimes. she's done somethings in the past that warented a number of punishements but my wife has been graceful and forgiving saying my daughter is being a typical teeanger and trying to adapt but in my opinion she has gotten out of control especially with lack of consequences. there's been tension around the holiday and suprisingly my daughter decided to spend christmas with us saying her mom went to visit her futur stepdad's family few towns over. my wife was thrilled with my daughter staying with us. she prepared everything and i helped here and there while my daughter was on her phone the entire time. i welcomed my inlaws and we had a great time throughout the day. christmas dinner went fine though my wife seemed a bit upset. she refused to say what's wrong til i pressured her. she then opened the box my daughter got her for christmas and there was a bra inside it. my wife broke down crying in the kitchen. i was fuming i called for my daughter and confronted her about the gift and she tried to explain it wasn't malicious but i disagreed and said yes it was and it was purposfully done to offend her stepmom and mock her illness. i decided to punish her by having her do all the cleaning after the guests left but she tried to evade it by saying ok then turning around and calling her stepbrother to come pick her up and take her to her mothers house. i caught her at the door and kicked her stepbrother out and told her to start cleaning up immediately. she went hysteric yelling about how cruel i was to punish her on christmas and how insensitive and unlady like my wife was to be offended by the bra. i refused to engage in her yelling matches and made sure she did all the cleaning which my wife said was a lot and asked me to let my daughter go to her mom's house but i insisted not until the punishement was complete. my daughter called her stepbrother again and left later. she immediately called her mom who came after me on sm and berated me for doing what i did and ruining christmas for her. i had a argument with her about what our daughter did but she sided with her and called me abusive and a robot controlled by my wife though my wife asked me to let it go. she got my former inlaws involved and they have been criticizing me about what i did. [/INST] nta. i was fully prepared to be on the side of your daughter because that's who i tend to sympathize with in situations like this, but what she did was so unbelievably cruel and malicious that i hardly even know what to say. having to clean up is the absolute least she should expect for what she did. teenagers can be cruel, but that's just way, way over the line. </s>
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