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AITA for acting like a conspiracy theorist to get out of political arguments with my Dad?
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my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while.
i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me.
my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month.
this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses.
i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
| 26,280 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egncbw/aita_for_acting_like_a_conspiracy_theorist_to_get/
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2019-12-28 06:26:55
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nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake?
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nta. your dad sounds like a shit stirrer.
is he the type of person who starts an argument and then backs out of it while everyone else argues with each other?
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ywbta if you didn't share some more of these batshit arguments with us.
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nta
>at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place!
>[...]
>i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
your dad makes triggering the libs into an entire personality trait and your mother picks on *you* for acting dismissive/insane? :-/
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nta. you're the real mvp.
of course you're not the asshole, this is a tactic called farce where you poke holes in ridiculous beliefs by exaggerating them to improbable extremes. keep doing what you're doing.
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nta. "mom, i've tried telling dad i don't want to be constantly talking politics, especially when he gets such a kick out of needling people with it. if you're going to unilaterally sign me up for a game i don't want to play, you shouldn't be surprised when i don't play to win."
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ha! nta because people like your dad are insufferable. (no offense to him, but really.)
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[deleted]
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nta - your dad is a irl twitter troll! you should tell everyone about this fun trick and just talking crazy whenever your dad starts up. even better pull up nutters on the phone and make him look at it till he gets tired of the ‘fun’. he can keep playing his game online till he gets bored or trolled by equal assholes.
if your mom wants to play his childish games that’s on her she married him but i doubt others enjoy it.
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omg this is great! nta! all i can say is maybe find one topic he is super passionate about like global warming for example and go all out. predict what he will want to talk about and make a damn binder. blow him and his arguments out of the water with facts and sources. after a big burn like that with people around he won’t want to discuss things like that with you anymore.
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my dad loves to have political arguments/“discussions” with me and other members of the family. i honestly think he does not care about half these issues and just wants to have fights with me and other people in the family. i have tried to simply opt out of them, but my dad will get upset at me for “not participating with the family dynamic” and “never talking to him.” i also don’t really want him to have these discussions with other members of my family, since they almost always end up in hurt feelings. i’ve been looking for a redirect for a while. i read a post online on doubling down whenever someone says a conspiracy theory, for example if someone says “they faked the moon landing” you say “haha, you sucker, you believe the moon is real?” i decided to implement the strategy after getting into way too many political arguments and upsetting myself and everyone around me. my dad saw something about climate change and started talking about how the chinese government partnered with obama to make it all up. i truly did not want to get into this political discussion. instead i said, “oh, you’ve heard that, well get this” and discussed my new theory about how the federal government has created a tornado machine to set on people who want to vote republican in the next election. he was truly flabbergasted at how stupid this was and decided to stop talking to me about this. it was wonderful. i’ve been doing it even more, and i haven’t had a political argument in a whole month. this christmas, he had a doozy planned. my aunt and her wife are feminist and very pro-choice. at the dinner table, he tried to do a toast to the “death of planned parenthood.” let me note that he is pro-choice, really doesn’t care about this issue, and has said so several times. i think he just wanted to start a fight for the sport of it. time and place! i said, “oh, thank god you mentioned it, i have to tell you this news i learned” and i talked about how planned parenthood does not in fact perform abortions, since it’s physically impossible, but instead removes entire uteruses and replaces them with dog uteruses. i received a lecture about “not taking people’s political views seriously” from my mom. i said it was just a strategy i use to diffuse political discussions. my mom said, “you’re just making yourself look dismissive at best and insane at worst.” [/INST] nta - did you know birds all went extinct and the ones we see now are fake? </s>
|
AITA for getting my daughter's ears peirced without telling my husband?
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context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day.
thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that.
he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done.
aita?
edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.
| 12,064 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rs1qmi/aita_for_getting_my_daughters_ears_peirced/
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2021-12-30 13:24:48
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yta. i don't blame him for being angry. you were definitely "sneaky and untruthful" and then tried to blame your mom for it???
also,
*i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.*
what on earth makes you think this??????
i don't think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still ta.
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yta.
>1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty
terrible reasons to get out done. also you went behind your husband back listening to your mother because you wanted to do what you wanted to do anyways. you know you'll be pissed he went behind your back listening to his father.
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yta.
it's a child, not a christmas tree for you to decorate. and you explicitly went behind your husband's back for it, too.
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yta
and he’s right, you’ve damaged the trust and asserted that you have more of a say in your daughter than he does, which is a fucked up and rude as hell thing to say.
i also think that piercing babies is dumb, they don’t need accessories and permanent changes shouldn’t be made to their bodies until they’re old enough to ask.
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oh wow…yta, and in a huge way! let me count the ways:
1. putting your ideas of what is “pretty” for a newborn ahead of your husband’s opinion and concerns.
2. putting your mothers opinion in front of your husbands.
3. sneaking around behind his back to do this because you knew he would be mad. who does that?
4. acting completely shocked when he actually did get mad! (i’m literally rolling my eyes)
5. to add insult to injury, you then told him “i’m the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his”. are you kidding me?!?!
6. you are now sooooo confused as to why he isn’t talking to you and why his parents are mad, and you and your mother are calling him selfish, but you just can’t understand why he left.
i hope you enjoy being single. and possibly a single mom for that matter too. he may not come back after all that you did.
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yta for doing it to an infant.
yta for doing it against your spouse’s wishes.
yta for doing it behind your spouse’s back.
yta for thinking it’s perfectly all right to present your spouse with a *fait accompli.*
yta for trying to shift all the blame to your co-conspirator.
yta for minimizing your spouse’s rights and opinions on the matter.
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yta.
for me it's not normal to get babies pierced. where i live it's more common to do it when they actually want it themselves.
should a baby need piercing to be seen as pretty? that sentence made me feel sorry for your child. apparently her look is more important for you than her heath and husbands consent.
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\[...\] treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that.
"my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree." \[...\] << you answered yourself...
&#x200b;
yta no doubt bout that. good luck to him.
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yta -
putting aside the lack of respect for your husband for just a moment
did you know babies can't be pierced with a needle and have to be done with a gun. this is bad for so many reasons and can cause massive issues as the child grows older.
did you go to a reputable piercer or did you go to claire accessories or somewhere similar to that where they put someone untrained on a piercing gun?
have you wondered why a reputable piercer wouldnt pierce a child?
going back to the betrayal, you knew it was wrong so you did it anyway. something like mutilating your child's ears for no purpose except "it looks pretty" without the permission of the other parent is wrong. then you say "it was my mother's idea". if your mother told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?
you basically then told your partner that his opinion on how your daughter is raised and looked after doesn't matter unless he agrees with you. that is his child as much as it is yours.
as you said, this wasn't a cultural thing. it was a vanity thing. babies aren't fashion accessories. if both parents agree to have it done then that's on you both but anyone who has done research into piercings with piercing guns know its a bad idea.
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i didn't even have to read the post to think yta, and then i read the post and i'm kind of disgusted. not only is piercing a baby's ears extremely dangerous (because i know damn well you didn't actually go to a piercing shop, my guess is walmart or claire's) but to blatantly disrespect your husband, the father of your child and his *extremely* valid concerns and then call his anger an overreaction is actual bullshit.
my ears were pierced as a baby, at a walmart, and as soon as i could take them out i did because they were extremely uncomfortable due to me being a baby and not being able to leave the piercings alone.
yta on literally every level imaginable in this situation and i'm looking forward to the consequences of your actions within your marriage, and i really hope your child doesn't experience too much pain due to your selfish mistake.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day. thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that. he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done. aita? edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: me f26 and my husband m32 welcomed our daughter several months ago. so far we've agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of peircing her ears came up and he said he didn't like the idea despite me explaining that 1. it's normal thing for babies and 2. it looks pretty 3. no it's not cultural we're both white but it's a great new experience imo. he said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn't said okay yet. mom suggested we do it behind his back and he'll then come around and see for himself that it's a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive. i was hasitant but i agreed and chose a day where he was out all day. thankfully it went smoothly but when my husband got home and found out he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust i just committed and how i should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he's the parent too and got extra mad that i went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it. i tried to explain that first it was my mom's idea and i didn't think he'd overreact like that but he insisted that i did was not okay and that i overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have and also put our daughter through pain and discomfort. i had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree. he got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son's back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter but i never understood why he thought that. he is not talking to me now. i think he's being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view. mom is on my side here but he and my inlaws said i screwed up for making such decision without his "okay" and going behind his back to get it done. aita? edit/ putting this out there/ my husband was aware that i had plans to get our daughter's ears peirced and we've had many many discussions about it so it wasn't like it was out of the blue and i didn't bring it up with him. i did but he kept giving me the same "i need time to think about it" the entire time. how long was i supposed to wait? why he kept stalling instrad of just saying "just no"? he just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could've had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea. [/INST] yta. i don't blame him for being angry. you were definitely "sneaky and untruthful" and then tried to blame your mom for it??? also, *i'm the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.* what on earth makes you think this?????? i don't think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still ta. </s>
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AITA for telling my parents they were bad parents to me?
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i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am.
the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention.
i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here?
| 26,376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqg77y/aita_for_telling_my_parents_they_were_bad_parents/
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2021-01-04 19:45:20
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nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you.
there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth.
**edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation.
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nta. your parents abused you. they had this coming.
i hope you find a better life and better family out there.
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nta, any chance you can move now?
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**nta**
neither your mom nor your dad wanted to hear the truth. they know you are right and want you to apologize for their abuse of you. as you said, they never wanted to listen to anyone who told them other than what they wanted to hear; and that includes you granddad.
do not back down. if either brings up the idea of apology again, ask them when they are going to apologize to you for depriving you of a having a life of your own. do exactly what you did here -- detail the myriad ways they have consistently ignored you to make your manipulative brother happy.
move to be with your grandparents as soon as you can and when possible, start some counseling/therapy to put dysfunction behind you.
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> i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
<looks left>
<looks right>
yep - that about sums it up - well done! nta
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nta, have an excellent time in college!
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nta. your parents made the universe revolve around your brother and now they want you to play into a silly fantasy where they didn’t do that.
think about it this way, you have demonstrated that your parents are easily manipulated, selfish, and foolish. would you really trust their judgment on whether they are owed an apology?
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nta, my twin sister is severely autistic (sounds more severe than your brother) but it’s largely the same - she plays them like a fiddle, the whole world stops if she even vaguely suggests doing something. example, we went for a weekend away and didn’t do even one of the activities i proposed, just sat on the beach in the rain because she’d said she wanted to go swimming, when i walked away to do my own thing, i was the ah for not wanting to spend time with the family. my mum would continually tell me i should get a job from 16-18, but then not let me because i needed to be around after school or at the weekends to be around if my sister needed. it was so frustrating, and you’re nta for that frustration coming out.
when i moved cities for university, my relationship with my parents improved so much. i stopped being a third parent to my sister and just became another adult, who actually got to be her sister. removing yourself from that role will do wonders for your mental health, and your family will adjust. you deserve your own life and all the experiences that come with it. don’t forget that, keep your head down and look forward to what’s to come.
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nta
you said what needed to be said. you need to live your own life.
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nta -
i am so sorry. it is really hard being the sibling of a disabled sibling sometimes. i, too, had to give up a lot, but their expectations of you are beyond extreme. enjoy college. hopefully, this hard truth and time apart will allow your parents to reflect on how they treated you and they can attempt to try and mend their relationship with you on your terms.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here? [/INST] nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you. there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth. **edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation. </s>
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WIBTA for divorcing husband over his past sperm donation
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1. married for 8 years, have one child (3f) together
2. when we started dating he was very clear that he had donated sperm in the past
3. i never asked him how much but just assumed it was just a couple of kids
4. actually ask him last week and he tells me the fertility centres last updated him at 47 kids
i was... not expecting that many.
it's clearly my fault for not asking how many. at the time, i literally said i "didn't care" about his sperm donation and "didn't want to know", so i can't blame him for not telling me how many. i literally told him not to.
....but 47?! christ!!!!
i can't stop thinking about all the problems this will cause when we're older.
wibta for divorcing him for something that he was very upfront about?!?!
| 14,001 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bamn16/wibta_for_divorcing_husband_over_his_past_sperm/
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2019-04-07 23:31:31
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yta. i don’t understand how this affects your relationship at all.
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yta.
all the problems this will cause?
seems like the only problem that is guaranteed is you leaving him and upending your daughter's life.
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yta you don’t need us to tell you this. you knew in advance, specifically asked not to know how many and have been married for years. what’s the real reason you want a divorce?
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**yta**
1- he said that when you are dating. he didn't hide it.
2- so fucking what? what problems exactly this will cause when he is older?
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yta, you asked him and he told you. if numbers were important to you then you should have asked earlier.
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yta
he didn't personally impregnate 47 women, women/couples who wanted a child but sadly couldn't conceive for whatever reason are now able to raise a child because of him.
what kind of problems will this cause?
i think something else is going on.
don't ruin your daughter's life over this op. talk to a therapist or marriage counselor first.
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yta, he's a sperm donor through a clinic what problems is this really going to bring your family? he didn't even lie, you knew he was a donor you just didn't know the specifics.
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yeah yta, he was honest with you and you have no control over how his sperm was used - and i presume neither did he after he donated it.
>i can't stop thinking about all the problems this will cause when we're older.
such as?
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yta, you knew he donated. you're a grade a asshole if you throw away an 8 year marriage to the father of your child just because that number was higher than expected.
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info.
how does this affect your marriage?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 1. married for 8 years, have one child (3f) together 2. when we started dating he was very clear that he had donated sperm in the past 3. i never asked him how much but just assumed it was just a couple of kids 4. actually ask him last week and he tells me the fertility centres last updated him at 47 kids i was... not expecting that many. it's clearly my fault for not asking how many. at the time, i literally said i "didn't care" about his sperm donation and "didn't want to know", so i can't blame him for not telling me how many. i literally told him not to. ....but 47?! christ!!!! i can't stop thinking about all the problems this will cause when we're older. wibta for divorcing him for something that he was very upfront about?!?!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
1. married for 8 years, have one child (3f) together 2. when we started dating he was very clear that he had donated sperm in the past 3. i never asked him how much but just assumed it was just a couple of kids 4. actually ask him last week and he tells me the fertility centres last updated him at 47 kids i was... not expecting that many. it's clearly my fault for not asking how many. at the time, i literally said i "didn't care" about his sperm donation and "didn't want to know", so i can't blame him for not telling me how many. i literally told him not to. ....but 47?! christ!!!! i can't stop thinking about all the problems this will cause when we're older. wibta for divorcing him for something that he was very upfront about?!?! [/INST] yta. i don’t understand how this affects your relationship at all. </s>
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AITA for calling out an annoying and weird colleague in an all-staff email?
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i'm a recent grad so this is my first forway into working in an office. so i'd like a sanity check...
my first day at my new job two weeks ago. i'm giving a proper induction by my boss and taking around the office (it's not huge, about 35-40 people working there) and being introduced to everyone.
everyone seems fine except one woman (we'll call her mary) who worked in the it department, who otherwise seemed pleasant enough, said that i "should not pass solids" (her exact words) in the toilet on the ground floor. a bit odd but ok.
day 3 and i meet mary in the kitchen, she's asking me how i'm settling in, just as we're finishing up our conversation she said "a reminder, please don't pass solids in the ground floor toilet."
odd but whatever. day 4 and i'm in the ground floor toilet (having a piss). i open the toilet and mary is *standing outside the door*. she leans into the toilet, sniffs, and says "just checking that you weren't passing solids."
i asked one of my colleagues about her weird behaviour and he just shrugged - i think she's been there for so long that they're just used to her odd behaviour.
this came to a head this week. i get an all-staff email from mary that says that "following a spate of new hires" (i.e. me) "there has been an increase in passing solids in the ground floor toilet. all colleagues are reminded not to pass solids in the ground floor toilet."
i flip my shit and reply all to the email saying that i haven't been shitting in that toilet and if mary has a problem she should say it to my face rather than innuendo through all-staff emails.
i've now been called into an hr meeting for next week to discuss my "communication skills." not once have i shat in the ground floor toilet and i'm really fucking worried because this is my first proper job and i think i'm going to be sacked because of some batshit weird rule.
| 3,757 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cac2vo/aita_for_calling_out_an_annoying_and_weird/
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2019-07-07 21:14:33
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yta - and if you get sacked (not unlikely), it won't be for your bathroom habits but for sending a rude "reply all" email. very bad judgment and a horrific way to start out at a new job.
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interesting take on a shit post
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[deleted]
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yta, all staff email was not the right format. you needed to contact hr to say you feel harassed and targeted by mary. you do need to work on your communication they’re exactly right.
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esh - she sucks because what the actual fuck.
but you could have handled it way better, dude. first of all, all staff emails are shaky ground, don’t get too deep with them, you’ll end up with the shit - so to speak.
second, they’re used to her weird behavior, perhaps something is a bit twisted about her. so it would probably have been better (and less suspicious) if you just ignored it, or had a talk with her face to face. or even better contacted hr and talked to them about the problem.
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yta. please do not pass solids through the company email.
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yta under the assumption that you are not the only new hire. it could also be that there is something wrong with that toilet. for example, i have dealt with toilets at the hotel i work at that basically clog if you do anything other than pee in them.
the girl is definitely weird for sure. but you have to realize 2 things:
1) you basically called yourself out in that email. she may have not been talking about you, but if she was, now everyone knows it. you also made yourself look bad and gave a bad impression of yourself to the company.
2) this should be a no brainier, but you cannot act that way in a professional setting.
just next time approach her in private? maybe ask her why she's being that way.
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esh - to be clear, you suck way less than mary, but do not send all staff emails in the heat of the moment. i doubt you’ll be fired but you’ve learned a valuable lesson about people’s idiosyncrasies in the workplace. grin and bear it friend. do the best work you can, collect your check, and avoid mary at all costs.
if you catch mary again outside the bathroom worrying about what’s passing through your asshole i would go to hr immediately. her behavior is totally out of line and should be addressed by the department tasked to handle it.
edited for clarity
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esh. standing outside the bathroom door trying to figure out what a coworker is doing in there is harassment and you would be well within your rights to go to hr about mary stalking you and invading your privacy. her original email may well be over a company rule, but mass emails (especially over rule reminders) do not accomplish anything and are often just passive aggressive power plays.
however, you did not handle this well. telling someone to "say it to your face" is never a good idea, especially through company email. one, it's unprofessional and rude (i do hope you phrased it better than this). two, you now have a written record through company communication that you are aggressive toward coworkers/unprofessional. on mary's end, it's unfortunately "he said she said"- you do not have the same wiggle room. a better way of dealing with this would have been to ask your boss about any potential policies concerning the ground floor bathroom- without name dropping or complaining, just as an honest question (playing up being a new hire is helpful here). three, it's generally an unspoken rule that you don't reply all to department/company emails. these sort of things are traditionally brought up in a single reply to the original sender. that brings us to four, where you've now involved the entire staff in your issue, putting them in an uncomfortable position. mary also did #4, but she did it passive aggressively.
so, you fucked up. definitely. your next course of action should now be to go to that meeting being apologetic. you're an adult in the corporate world. apologizing for your actions is both expected and the best way to reingratiate yourself into the staff. explain what you did and why you did it without getting defensive or angry and accept any criticisms or advice. this meeting likely won't get you fired or even give you any sort of black marks, it's just a road bump that you can hopefully use as a learning opportunity.
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oh... no... oh my god. please understand that everyone else in this office knows this woman is crazy and they simply ignore her. had you remained calm and professional you could have gotten in on the joke and really grown some rapport with your colleagues.
now you look immature and seem to have shown bad professional judgment. an office-wide email? i'm so full of yikes about your reaction.
you might be able to repair this. sit with your hr team, listen, stay calm, take advice, admit fault. hopefully this can be a workplace team you build a better reputation with and they might understand your initial snap as they know this woman and her bizarreness relative to your inexperience with office norms. good luck!!
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
| null | 0.011362 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a recent grad so this is my first forway into working in an office. so i'd like a sanity check... my first day at my new job two weeks ago. i'm giving a proper induction by my boss and taking around the office (it's not huge, about 35-40 people working there) and being introduced to everyone. everyone seems fine except one woman (we'll call her mary) who worked in the it department, who otherwise seemed pleasant enough, said that i "should not pass solids" (her exact words) in the toilet on the ground floor. a bit odd but ok. day 3 and i meet mary in the kitchen, she's asking me how i'm settling in, just as we're finishing up our conversation she said "a reminder, please don't pass solids in the ground floor toilet." odd but whatever. day 4 and i'm in the ground floor toilet (having a piss). i open the toilet and mary is *standing outside the door*. she leans into the toilet, sniffs, and says "just checking that you weren't passing solids." i asked one of my colleagues about her weird behaviour and he just shrugged - i think she's been there for so long that they're just used to her odd behaviour. this came to a head this week. i get an all-staff email from mary that says that "following a spate of new hires" (i.e. me) "there has been an increase in passing solids in the ground floor toilet. all colleagues are reminded not to pass solids in the ground floor toilet." i flip my shit and reply all to the email saying that i haven't been shitting in that toilet and if mary has a problem she should say it to my face rather than innuendo through all-staff emails. i've now been called into an hr meeting for next week to discuss my "communication skills." not once have i shat in the ground floor toilet and i'm really fucking worried because this is my first proper job and i think i'm going to be sacked because of some batshit weird rule.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a recent grad so this is my first forway into working in an office. so i'd like a sanity check... my first day at my new job two weeks ago. i'm giving a proper induction by my boss and taking around the office (it's not huge, about 35-40 people working there) and being introduced to everyone. everyone seems fine except one woman (we'll call her mary) who worked in the it department, who otherwise seemed pleasant enough, said that i "should not pass solids" (her exact words) in the toilet on the ground floor. a bit odd but ok. day 3 and i meet mary in the kitchen, she's asking me how i'm settling in, just as we're finishing up our conversation she said "a reminder, please don't pass solids in the ground floor toilet." odd but whatever. day 4 and i'm in the ground floor toilet (having a piss). i open the toilet and mary is *standing outside the door*. she leans into the toilet, sniffs, and says "just checking that you weren't passing solids." i asked one of my colleagues about her weird behaviour and he just shrugged - i think she's been there for so long that they're just used to her odd behaviour. this came to a head this week. i get an all-staff email from mary that says that "following a spate of new hires" (i.e. me) "there has been an increase in passing solids in the ground floor toilet. all colleagues are reminded not to pass solids in the ground floor toilet." i flip my shit and reply all to the email saying that i haven't been shitting in that toilet and if mary has a problem she should say it to my face rather than innuendo through all-staff emails. i've now been called into an hr meeting for next week to discuss my "communication skills." not once have i shat in the ground floor toilet and i'm really fucking worried because this is my first proper job and i think i'm going to be sacked because of some batshit weird rule. [/INST] yta - and if you get sacked (not unlikely), it won't be for your bathroom habits but for sending a rude "reply all" email. very bad judgment and a horrific way to start out at a new job. </s>
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AITA for having high expectations for my bachelorette party?
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throwaway and mobile account.
i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall.
a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically.
for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night.
friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it.
saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride).
i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh.
i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita?
here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions:
1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc.
2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into.
edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks!
| 15,109 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w5n39w/aita_for_having_high_expectations_for_my/
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2022-07-22 22:17:33
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yta for all the control and then running off crying.
no, you can't control 25 other women. your expectations were too high.
also who has 25 friends? this seems like some sorority craziness.
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yta.
25 people is not your “closest friends”, that’s a large group of acquaintances which also includes your closest friends. i guarantee you that not all of them consider you to be their best friend.
this means you were dragging people who were trying to politely support an extended member of their friend group into a huge elaborate event, where every detail had to be micromanaged for your personal benefit. you even complained that some of them did their own thing while you were pouting and hiding away from everyone, rather than sit patiently at the door for you to once again grace them with your presence.
yes, you do sound like a bridezilla.
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yta.
you sound exhausting.
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yta - you aren’t describing a “party”. a party lasts a few hour, you had a four day weekend. people had to book multiple days off work for you.
and surely this is a typo, you stuck 25 people in a single house??!!
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[removed]
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also you better not be waking me up at 7 and 9 am on a weekend after making me go out the night before
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yta. did no one tell you this itinerary was way too much? you made your “expectations” clear, but did you not think at all about what everyone else wanted? i know it’s “your” weekend, but that doesn’t mean you get to cart everyone around like a kindergarten class.
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yta - this screams "bridezilla!". yes, a bach party is meant to celebrate you, but good lord. these are meant to be your friends, not your servants who are to cater to your every whim and fancy.
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yta. a hen do is supposed to be fun for everyone involved, not just for the bride. which is why it is usually planned by other people for her.
you just ignored everyone's wishes to go with the "this is my special day, before my other special day" shtick.
i'm looking forward to your inevitable post about your actual wedding, that one's going to be a banger, too.
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i can’t believe you wrote all of this and did not realize yes, you’re the asshole. damn. brunch doesn’t start at 9 am. you’re the ahole and a bridezilla.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway and mobile account. i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall. a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically. for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night. friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it. saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride). i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh. i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita? here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions: 1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc. 2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into. edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway and mobile account. i (25f) am getting married to my wonderful fiancé (31m) this fall. a week ago i had a bachelorette party. while most girls dream of their weddings, i dreamt about my bachelorette weekend. i put a lot of planning into this weekend, made a lot of phone calls, reservations, everything basically. for thursday night - sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house. from the start it was a disaster. i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there. well i got to the house at 3 and they weren’t done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that “wow!” moment when i came in and saw the set up. i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night. friday i woke everyone up at 7am to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day - vineyards, boat, lunch, happy hour drinks, then dinner and the clubs. i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had limited time in this city and i wanted to make the most of it. saturday was worse. we had brunch at 9am and no one was awake in time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids. we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even apologetic even though i was close to tears all day. the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend. people wanted to wear their own stuff but that’s not what we agreed on even though my moh notified everyone. at that point i said fuck it this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry. it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyway (without me, aka the actual bride). i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset. now it’s been almost a week, no one has really texted me except some bridesmaids and moh. i know i sound bridezilla-ish. but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i’m just really upset. i understand these expectations may seem like a lot but i made my expectations clear to the group and they just let me down so bad. tell me aita? here’s an edit because people are asking me the same questions: 1) yes i have 25 people who i genuinely wanted to celebrate with. 6 of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends, childhood friends, work friends, etc. 2) moh sent out the itinerary months ago. it was very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person. if someone had wanted to skip out, it wouldn’t be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly. so they knew what they were getting themselves into. edit #2: well i’m very clearly ta. i’ve decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me. i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list. thanks! [/INST] yta for all the control and then running off crying. no, you can't control 25 other women. your expectations were too high. also who has 25 friends? this seems like some sorority craziness. </s>
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AITA for asking my transsexual ex-wife to dress more appropriately?
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my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10).
ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue.
i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son".
i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention.
ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?
| 24,173 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di6zz9/aita_for_asking_my_transsexual_exwife_to_dress/
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2019-10-15 12:12:00
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nta
wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate.
asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do.
you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too.
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nta
you are helping your son speak up. you may need to have a therapist or school resource step in to mediate, rather than you, if laura can't receive it from you.
probably also not a great idea to bring it up in a public place, but not your fault that laura blew up.
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nta. it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with your son. while laura may be figuring out her style as a woman, she needs to come back down to earth and realize that she’s a parent first and foremost
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nta. if you take the trans out of the equation, kids would still make comments to your son that his mother picks him up from school in high heels, fishnets and mini skirts.
your ex's confidence in wearing revealing/extreme clothing shouldn't take priority over your kid getting bullied every day - which will happen if your ex picks your son up every day dressed like that. yeah kids are assholes but there's not a lot that can be done about that. what happens when your son hits breaking point and either wants to stop seeing your ex altogether or ends up getting some serious depression from the constant bullying?
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i am a former school administrator and i can tell you that regardless of gender or trans status, parents who dress “flamboyantly” embarrass their children. i have seen kids hide when that see their parents coming because of the way the parents are dressed. the child’s feelings need to come first
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nta. there are so many comments already that this will probably get buried, but my father came out as trans years ago. while i respect her decision to do what she did, she would say and do things that made me extremely uncomfortable (tell me she was always jealous of me for being a girl, buy wigs that she told me looked like my hair, etc.) whenever i voiced my discomfort, i was labeled "transphobic" or "unsupportive" by family members.
people don't really think about what family on the other side goes through, only what the person coming out as trans goes through, when really, both sides have valid feelings that need to be respected. she is not taking into account the effect she is having on your son and being extremely selfish.
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nta it’s confusing enough for your son to have a father that realizes he is a she, but dressing suggestively, regardless of sex, around your 10 year old child to the point that it makes him uncomfortable is inappropriate.
you, and especially your son, should be able to sit down and talk to your ex in a civilized manner. probably best to do it in a private setting in the future to keep the nosy people out of the picture.
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nta
but, i see this happen to almost every transwoman i've ever met. shortly after they begin to transition they dress like a 12 year old's interpretation of what's sexy. they spent all their lives basically learning feminine expressions of sexuality from the male pov. plus they want to experiment with anything they couldn't get away with as a man. she's going through this phase.
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nta. i applaud you for your attempt at civility with laura. i even applaud her for having an amount of confidence that a lot of women (both trans and cisgender) lack. however the fact that she sees nothing wrong with how she dresses around y'all's son in addition to not recognizing his feelings is just messed up. to copy what a few others have suggested, i think family counseling may be for the best.
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nta- she needs to put the child’s happiness before their overt displays of “confidence”. (nothing screams the opposite more than over compensating)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my former husband (42) came out as a transsexual woman last year. as a male he had recently started to get into crossdressing but assured me it was just a fetish, so i was taken by surprise when he came out as he was always a very traditional, masculine guy. she (now laura) has not started hrt yet but is living fulltime as a woman. laura and i no longer live together but we share custody of my son (10). ever since i moved out and laura has started living on her own, she has started to dress in extreme clothing. she's gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to microminis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too. laura is a tall woman (6'4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue. i am fine with what laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food. recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn't even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the "drag queens son". i tried to talk about this privately to laura, but she gave me the cold shoulder over the phone. my son asked me to come out with him next meeting so we could bring it up together there. the moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing. people were obviously listening and when i gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because i was jealous of her confidence. to make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that i was a piece of shit for saying what i was. my son and i left in tears but laura did not seem to give a single damn about how distraught he was and seemed to just be loving all the attention. ever since then i've been torn wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way of things and i was a bad person for asking laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years. i'm extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if i've gotten old and out of touch. it just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. aita for speaking to my ex this way? [/INST] nta wearing 'drag queen' attire to pick up your kid from school on a tuesday afternoon is not appropriate. asking them to not over do it for your child's sake is not 'a piece of shit' thing to do. you want to express yourself after years of self imposed suppression, great! however there's no need to take your kid along for the ride too. </s>
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AITA for calling my brother a shitty dad and a shittier husband?
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i (16m) have an older brother (26m) who recently had his first son a month ago. his wife (26f) never wanted a kid, but my brother convinced her to have one.
this week was the first time i've visited since the baby was born, since we live states away. the place was pretty dirty, but i shrugged it off thinking they're new parents and have their hands full. then
i seen his wife, who looked as if she hadn't showered since the delivery, slept in a week, or anything except take care of the baby. compared to my brother, who was clean, well kept, and rested, she was a train wreck.
while we were there for 4 hours, i really saw how much he contributed. every time the baby would cry, my brother would hand him off to my mom or his wife. he ran out of the nursery yelling for someone else to change the baby's diaper, and turns out it was a small turd. not even a blow out. other examples of his negligence include insisting we leave the baby home alone while we went out for dinner, refusing to bathe him, and yelling at the baby to "just go to sleep."
my parents had seen enough in person and sat everyone down, me included. we told him he needs to grow up and help out, but he just kept making excuses like how "tired he is from work." for the record, he works 6/7 hours a day monday through friday, sometimes a half day on saturdays. his logic was that because he works, he can avoid his duties as a father. he is not the breadwinner by the way, the mother works as well, willingly at home.
he eventually was mad that we wanted him to be a dad and he just said, "she's a woman, i'm a man. i don't take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man."
i snapped, and started yelling how he's a shitty dad for neglecting the child he pressured his wife to have. i called him a lousy dad, and how sad it is that he makes everyone else do his duties for him. i called him a deadbeat, adding how he shouldn't have had a kid if he didn't want to help out. i said i was sorry his wife married him because he was such a shitty husband and how much better she can do and added how i wouldn't be surprised if they were divorced by the time he was 30.
everyone was silent. my parents told me to wait outside, then later told me to apologize because it was rude and unnecessary. i refused to but i heard him crying.
i don't know if i took it too far, but i think he needs a reality check so that kid grows up with him present. we tried over the phone before and only were being nice, but that didn't work. i need to know, reddit, aita?
| 19,598 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vmoobu/aita_for_calling_my_brother_a_shitty_dad_and_a/
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2022-06-28 14:33:08
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nta
you left him crying?
good.
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nta
if facts hurt then maybe he should change his behavior.
your parents are completely out of line to ask you to apologize. and he needs to cry. imagine how much his poor wife has felt like crying. she’s grown and delivered a human being and the person who is supposed to be her adult partner has taken a mental trip to 1949.
way to be a good brother in law. get yourself a treat.
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i like you
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wow, i can barely begin to dissect this whole situation.
your brother pressures his wife to have a baby but does absolutely nothing to help. he works regular hours and she is a ft mom plus wfh, but he is "too tired" to give her any help so the house is a mess and she is exhausted and doesn't even have time for a shower. he won't feed, change, soothe, or bathe his child. and what??? leave a month-old infant home alone? i hope no one agreed with that.
good on you for calling out your brother. too bad your parents thought you were rude. most posters here frown on so-called "rude awakenings" or "telling it like it is" or being "brutally honest," because tbh people just use those as excuses to be harsh and @$$#°li$#. but in this case, it was appropriate and necessary. your brother needed a swift kick. nta, and your parents are borderline @# for letting their 16-yo say what they should have said.
*"she's a woman, i'm a man. i don't take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man."*
shudder. that poor little kid. what is your brother teaching anyone about being a man, and how does he expect his "lessons" to turn out? his 16-yo brother is a better man than he is and had to teach an "adult" about being a husband and father. i hope you can be part of your nephew's life, even from a distance, because you are going to be the positive male figure for him.
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[removed]
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nta and don't apologize.
you were rude, yes. but he is being horrible to his family, i would dare say borderline abusive (his wife looking like she hasn't showered in a month while he obviously has, and him yelling at a one-month-old baby, are red flags for me).
your parents tried the gentle approach but it wasn't working.
if his 16-year-old brother giving him a fatherhood lesson doesn't make this man wake up, then nothing will.
don't. apologize.
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nta!!! how can he pressure his wife to have a kid then proceed to not help take care of it? peak shitty dad/husband behavior. poor wife who has to put up with all this.
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he's an embarrassment to real men
being a man isn't all sports and sitting on your ass while your wife struggles with your child. being a man is being an active father. being a man is stepping up without needing to be asked to take care of ya own kid. being a man is helping your partner so they don't struggle.
nta
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[deleted]
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info: does your brother realize how hilarious it is that he thinks he can teach anyone how to be a man when he clearly hasn't figured it out for himself yet?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16m) have an older brother (26m) who recently had his first son a month ago. his wife (26f) never wanted a kid, but my brother convinced her to have one. this week was the first time i've visited since the baby was born, since we live states away. the place was pretty dirty, but i shrugged it off thinking they're new parents and have their hands full. then i seen his wife, who looked as if she hadn't showered since the delivery, slept in a week, or anything except take care of the baby. compared to my brother, who was clean, well kept, and rested, she was a train wreck. while we were there for 4 hours, i really saw how much he contributed. every time the baby would cry, my brother would hand him off to my mom or his wife. he ran out of the nursery yelling for someone else to change the baby's diaper, and turns out it was a small turd. not even a blow out. other examples of his negligence include insisting we leave the baby home alone while we went out for dinner, refusing to bathe him, and yelling at the baby to "just go to sleep." my parents had seen enough in person and sat everyone down, me included. we told him he needs to grow up and help out, but he just kept making excuses like how "tired he is from work." for the record, he works 6/7 hours a day monday through friday, sometimes a half day on saturdays. his logic was that because he works, he can avoid his duties as a father. he is not the breadwinner by the way, the mother works as well, willingly at home. he eventually was mad that we wanted him to be a dad and he just said, "she's a woman, i'm a man. i don't take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man." i snapped, and started yelling how he's a shitty dad for neglecting the child he pressured his wife to have. i called him a lousy dad, and how sad it is that he makes everyone else do his duties for him. i called him a deadbeat, adding how he shouldn't have had a kid if he didn't want to help out. i said i was sorry his wife married him because he was such a shitty husband and how much better she can do and added how i wouldn't be surprised if they were divorced by the time he was 30. everyone was silent. my parents told me to wait outside, then later told me to apologize because it was rude and unnecessary. i refused to but i heard him crying. i don't know if i took it too far, but i think he needs a reality check so that kid grows up with him present. we tried over the phone before and only were being nice, but that didn't work. i need to know, reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16m) have an older brother (26m) who recently had his first son a month ago. his wife (26f) never wanted a kid, but my brother convinced her to have one. this week was the first time i've visited since the baby was born, since we live states away. the place was pretty dirty, but i shrugged it off thinking they're new parents and have their hands full. then i seen his wife, who looked as if she hadn't showered since the delivery, slept in a week, or anything except take care of the baby. compared to my brother, who was clean, well kept, and rested, she was a train wreck. while we were there for 4 hours, i really saw how much he contributed. every time the baby would cry, my brother would hand him off to my mom or his wife. he ran out of the nursery yelling for someone else to change the baby's diaper, and turns out it was a small turd. not even a blow out. other examples of his negligence include insisting we leave the baby home alone while we went out for dinner, refusing to bathe him, and yelling at the baby to "just go to sleep." my parents had seen enough in person and sat everyone down, me included. we told him he needs to grow up and help out, but he just kept making excuses like how "tired he is from work." for the record, he works 6/7 hours a day monday through friday, sometimes a half day on saturdays. his logic was that because he works, he can avoid his duties as a father. he is not the breadwinner by the way, the mother works as well, willingly at home. he eventually was mad that we wanted him to be a dad and he just said, "she's a woman, i'm a man. i don't take care of him other than sports and teaching him to be a man." i snapped, and started yelling how he's a shitty dad for neglecting the child he pressured his wife to have. i called him a lousy dad, and how sad it is that he makes everyone else do his duties for him. i called him a deadbeat, adding how he shouldn't have had a kid if he didn't want to help out. i said i was sorry his wife married him because he was such a shitty husband and how much better she can do and added how i wouldn't be surprised if they were divorced by the time he was 30. everyone was silent. my parents told me to wait outside, then later told me to apologize because it was rude and unnecessary. i refused to but i heard him crying. i don't know if i took it too far, but i think he needs a reality check so that kid grows up with him present. we tried over the phone before and only were being nice, but that didn't work. i need to know, reddit, aita? [/INST] nta you left him crying? good. </s>
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AITA for holding my parental rights over my daughter?
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so my (49m) daughter got pregnant when she was 18, she didn't want a kid, especially not that young, so after some serious talk, i said i would take in her child, but she said she didn't want any responsibility for the child so ended up signing away her parental rights and i adopted her child as soon as he was born. she went off and finished college, travelled, and i fully supported her.
my son (my daughter's child, but i will be calling him my son) is now 16 and is an amazing kid. and my daughter has barely come seen him, and if she does come round, she just ignores him. he knows that she is his bio mother but after a few failed reconnection attempts when he was younger, he's given up on a relationship with her.
these last few weeks a few things happened, my daughter got engaged to her long term boyfriend, my son came out to me (i fully support him), and my son also won a small local skating competition. he been skating since he was 9 and loves it, it's his prefered mode of transport and he is known by the local skating community and skate shop.
when my daughter got engaged, she said she didn't want any secrets, so told her fiance that she has a child, but that i have adopted him. his kids (i'm not sure age but they are young), not understanding that my daughter and my son are estranged, wanted to meet their 'new brother' even after days of refusing and kid-friendly explanations they didn't give up, so they brought the kids to meet my son.
my son was friendly with the kids and their dad, and was civil with my daughter. my son and the kids went off to play and my daughter and her fiance sat with me to talk. after a while, the fiance noticed my son's trophy on a shelf and asked about it, when i explained his look interested but my daughter looked horrified. she sent her fiance to check on the kids then asked me what i was doing, letting him do something so dangerous. she said that skateboarding was for 'delinquents' and that as his mother she doesn't want him skating anymore.
when she said mother, i have to admit i did laugh, i reminded her that i had parental rights over him and that she has no say, she was clearly upset by this and called me cruel, saying that she was a child when she got pregnant and that she's a different person now and is even trying for a child with her fiance, i told her that that doesn't matter and that my son is my son. she then got really upset and grabbed her fiance and his kids and left.
at first, i didn't think i was in the wrong but now that i think about it, it might have been rude to laugh and hold my paternal rights over her head like that, these past few weeks have been emotional so maybe i overreacted, so aita?
| 20,225 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/os58zw/aita_for_holding_my_parental_rights_over_my/
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2021-07-26 18:47:38
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nta
she is a "birth mom" she's not mommy.
you are the parent and you corrected her rightfully.
also uhm
49 (your age) - 18 (your daughters age when pregnant) -16 (your son's age) = 15 when you fathered your daughter?
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nta. last i checked, it's pretty difficult to get someone pregnant in the middle of a skateboarding competition...so, yeah, she doesn't have much ground to stand on when it comes to complaining about his activities or what constitutes "delinquency."
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nta. skateboarding is an olympic sport for crying out loud.
also, do you mean you are 49 now or were 49 when you took in your son?
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nta
you adopted him right? that means legally he is her brother now and your son
thats what adoption is - it's not temporary
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nta she ignored him for 16 years and now she suddenly cares. it’s ridiculous.
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nta - she's not his mother. she's only the person who gave life to him.
she hasn't been in his life for years and while in contact she didn't show any interest. so why does she care now.
way to go to your son winning trophies. and look, it's even olympic now 🥇
i would tell her pretty open that she never cared and now oversteps boundaries and if she keeps doing that, you'll reduce contact again.
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nta
she's not his mother. she was, at best, a surrogate/donor.
i'd probably have laughed at the absurdity of her comments.
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nta. **you** are his ~~mother~~ father in every way that matters. i am adopted and my dna donor tried nearly the same tactics of showing up to make an emotional claim on me years afterwards.
i would limit contact until your son has the maturity to stand up for himself and establish firm boundaries for how he wants to interact with her.
her attitude will confuse and hurt him if you allow it to continue. he is not her son. he is legally her brother and she needs to be made to understand that. don't give her a single inch of space to pretend that 16 years after signing away her rights that now she has any right to him at all.
its completely inappropriate and damaging and it's very selfish on her part.
set firm strong boundaries and stick with them. explain to him why and also consider going to a counselor that specializes in families with adopted children.
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uh no. he’s 16 and *now* she wants to act like his mother? nope. nta
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nta. perhaps — perhaps— it might be time for your daughter to establish a deeper relationship with her bio son, your son.
but at 16, it’s best she does that by (with your permission) dealing with him and letting him lead that process.
it’s not best for her to suddenly be concerned mom after 16 years of what sounds like a superficial and shallow relationship.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my (49m) daughter got pregnant when she was 18, she didn't want a kid, especially not that young, so after some serious talk, i said i would take in her child, but she said she didn't want any responsibility for the child so ended up signing away her parental rights and i adopted her child as soon as he was born. she went off and finished college, travelled, and i fully supported her. my son (my daughter's child, but i will be calling him my son) is now 16 and is an amazing kid. and my daughter has barely come seen him, and if she does come round, she just ignores him. he knows that she is his bio mother but after a few failed reconnection attempts when he was younger, he's given up on a relationship with her. these last few weeks a few things happened, my daughter got engaged to her long term boyfriend, my son came out to me (i fully support him), and my son also won a small local skating competition. he been skating since he was 9 and loves it, it's his prefered mode of transport and he is known by the local skating community and skate shop. when my daughter got engaged, she said she didn't want any secrets, so told her fiance that she has a child, but that i have adopted him. his kids (i'm not sure age but they are young), not understanding that my daughter and my son are estranged, wanted to meet their 'new brother' even after days of refusing and kid-friendly explanations they didn't give up, so they brought the kids to meet my son. my son was friendly with the kids and their dad, and was civil with my daughter. my son and the kids went off to play and my daughter and her fiance sat with me to talk. after a while, the fiance noticed my son's trophy on a shelf and asked about it, when i explained his look interested but my daughter looked horrified. she sent her fiance to check on the kids then asked me what i was doing, letting him do something so dangerous. she said that skateboarding was for 'delinquents' and that as his mother she doesn't want him skating anymore. when she said mother, i have to admit i did laugh, i reminded her that i had parental rights over him and that she has no say, she was clearly upset by this and called me cruel, saying that she was a child when she got pregnant and that she's a different person now and is even trying for a child with her fiance, i told her that that doesn't matter and that my son is my son. she then got really upset and grabbed her fiance and his kids and left. at first, i didn't think i was in the wrong but now that i think about it, it might have been rude to laugh and hold my paternal rights over her head like that, these past few weeks have been emotional so maybe i overreacted, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my (49m) daughter got pregnant when she was 18, she didn't want a kid, especially not that young, so after some serious talk, i said i would take in her child, but she said she didn't want any responsibility for the child so ended up signing away her parental rights and i adopted her child as soon as he was born. she went off and finished college, travelled, and i fully supported her. my son (my daughter's child, but i will be calling him my son) is now 16 and is an amazing kid. and my daughter has barely come seen him, and if she does come round, she just ignores him. he knows that she is his bio mother but after a few failed reconnection attempts when he was younger, he's given up on a relationship with her. these last few weeks a few things happened, my daughter got engaged to her long term boyfriend, my son came out to me (i fully support him), and my son also won a small local skating competition. he been skating since he was 9 and loves it, it's his prefered mode of transport and he is known by the local skating community and skate shop. when my daughter got engaged, she said she didn't want any secrets, so told her fiance that she has a child, but that i have adopted him. his kids (i'm not sure age but they are young), not understanding that my daughter and my son are estranged, wanted to meet their 'new brother' even after days of refusing and kid-friendly explanations they didn't give up, so they brought the kids to meet my son. my son was friendly with the kids and their dad, and was civil with my daughter. my son and the kids went off to play and my daughter and her fiance sat with me to talk. after a while, the fiance noticed my son's trophy on a shelf and asked about it, when i explained his look interested but my daughter looked horrified. she sent her fiance to check on the kids then asked me what i was doing, letting him do something so dangerous. she said that skateboarding was for 'delinquents' and that as his mother she doesn't want him skating anymore. when she said mother, i have to admit i did laugh, i reminded her that i had parental rights over him and that she has no say, she was clearly upset by this and called me cruel, saying that she was a child when she got pregnant and that she's a different person now and is even trying for a child with her fiance, i told her that that doesn't matter and that my son is my son. she then got really upset and grabbed her fiance and his kids and left. at first, i didn't think i was in the wrong but now that i think about it, it might have been rude to laugh and hold my paternal rights over her head like that, these past few weeks have been emotional so maybe i overreacted, so aita? [/INST] nta she is a "birth mom" she's not mommy. you are the parent and you corrected her rightfully. also uhm 49 (your age) - 18 (your daughters age when pregnant) -16 (your son's age) = 15 when you fathered your daughter? </s>
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AITA for getting angry when my partner announced she’s pregnant?
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my partner (34f) and i (28m) have been together for 5 years. she has a daughter (8) from a previous relationship. right off the bat, it was made known i had fertility issues and likely wouldn’t ever be able to father a child. i moved slow in the relationship, although i had fallen in love with her fast. when things got serious, i overheard her telling her sister she was concerned that i might be an ‘aggressive type’ person because of the amount of scars i have. i didn’t want her scared away so i told her i had a bad childhood and left it at that.
a little over two years into our relationship, i felt somewhat comfortable opening up and for the first time i told her exactly why i’m infertile which is a direct result of an injury i suffered due to trauma as a child. she was really empathetic and i was just thankful i had found the one i want to spend my life with that also came with a kid i adore.
fast forward to last summer. my partner and her friend decided to play an impromptu prank on me. i came home from work, there were multiple positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. my partner announced she was pregnant, i started freaking out…a happy freak out cause i thought i had hit the lottery with the slim to none chance i have. they both started laughing, the tests were from the friend and not my partner.
i was pretty much devastated and felt really let down that my partner would actually pull a prank like that. at first she was shocked by my reaction and said, “i thought you’d know it was a joke considering your circumstances.” she ended up apologizing after realizing how hurt i was.
now for the point of the post. three weeks ago she arranged a huge dinner with her entire family at our house. she had us play this stupid mystery game and ultimately announced to everyone she’s pregnant. her mother and sisters were deliriously happy. immediately i got pissed thinking this was yet another prank, so i showed absolutely no emotions which everyone caught on to. i said to my partner, “either you’re just mentally disturbed or you’re cheating.” that’s pretty much when all hell broke loose.
my partner’s pov is that she was sincerely apologetic about the prank and i should know her well enough to not think she’d ever pull that stunt again. she’s also livid at me for ruining the announcement, embarrassing her in front of her entire family, causing them to think i’m a horrible person and then finally insinuating that she’s a cheater.
i still stand by my claim that had she never pranked me, my reaction would have been different. i do find it odd she decided to tell me along with her family. things would have likely went over better had she told me first, and then we announced it together. but i’m starting to think i acted immaturely causing scene in front of her family, and i think that’s maybe where i’m wrong.
| 22,517 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wau52s/aita_for_getting_angry_when_my_partner_announced/
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2022-07-29 03:39:19
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nta
that prank was just beyond cruel! and then to announce it with everyone and not tell you privately is insensitive and immature.
your reaction was to be expected. i see both these as red flags for your relationship.
congrats on the baby though, although i’m sure you’ll have doubts until paternity test happens
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i’m sorry that you’re with a really immature person who clearly doesn’t know how to communicate in a relationship.
the prank was cruel. period.
not telling you when you were alone, was also cruel. especially given the prank.
her reaction to your reaction seals it. she doesn’t realize that what she did was hurtful and wrong. she’s self-absorbed. and you deserve better.
nta. if it weren’t for the kid on the way, i’d tell you to run away from her as fast as you can.
and i know this won’t be popular, but please get a paternity test before you sign the birth certificate. just to be safe.
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nta. she is "the boy who cried wolf". how stupid of her.
and she owed you a private conversation about all this, and then to announce it to others only when both of you are ready.
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nta. frankly, that prank was cruel. no wonder you thought an actual announcement was another prank. i'd get a paternity test asap after the kid is born, and in the meantime seriously think about if you want to stay attached to this woman. if you do, the two of you need major couples counseling. if you don't, and the kid is yours, i'd try fighting for full custody. if you don't, and the kid is not yours, then get out of there.
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nta
get a paternity test! she lost all trust when she danced with the devil in tricking you considering your traumatic past. that was stone cold. your reaction at the dinner party is her consequence from her dumb actions.
ps
her announcing the pregnancy without telling/consulting you beforehand is another red flag. she’s either a highly immature adult or a conniving scheming person. either way, she’s the villain here.
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nta. you are right on both counts: (1) she already got your one good reaction when she pranked you, and now she can't expect a good reaction again; (2) she should've told you in private first, before announcing to her family. she really misplayed her hand here, and it's all her own fault.
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nta.
what the actual fuck is wrong with that woman.
(
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nta. she cried wolf and it backfired. honestly, it's odd to me that she decided to surprise you at the same moment as her family. even without your history i find that a bit insensitive, as it should be a private moment for you too first, but especially given your history and your prank, it should not have been public. your girlfriend sounds attention seeking and insensitive all around.
you could apologize to her for what you said but at the same time, your response was understandable.
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nta - even without her cruel prank i wouldn’t think you were the a. you are presumably the father of this child, and you didn’t even warrant hearing she was pregnant first? you just get lumped in with the whole extended family like you were some random cousin? that’s pretty low.
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who the fuck announces pregnancy to their partner and family at the same time???
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my partner (34f) and i (28m) have been together for 5 years. she has a daughter (8) from a previous relationship. right off the bat, it was made known i had fertility issues and likely wouldn’t ever be able to father a child. i moved slow in the relationship, although i had fallen in love with her fast. when things got serious, i overheard her telling her sister she was concerned that i might be an ‘aggressive type’ person because of the amount of scars i have. i didn’t want her scared away so i told her i had a bad childhood and left it at that. a little over two years into our relationship, i felt somewhat comfortable opening up and for the first time i told her exactly why i’m infertile which is a direct result of an injury i suffered due to trauma as a child. she was really empathetic and i was just thankful i had found the one i want to spend my life with that also came with a kid i adore. fast forward to last summer. my partner and her friend decided to play an impromptu prank on me. i came home from work, there were multiple positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. my partner announced she was pregnant, i started freaking out…a happy freak out cause i thought i had hit the lottery with the slim to none chance i have. they both started laughing, the tests were from the friend and not my partner. i was pretty much devastated and felt really let down that my partner would actually pull a prank like that. at first she was shocked by my reaction and said, “i thought you’d know it was a joke considering your circumstances.” she ended up apologizing after realizing how hurt i was. now for the point of the post. three weeks ago she arranged a huge dinner with her entire family at our house. she had us play this stupid mystery game and ultimately announced to everyone she’s pregnant. her mother and sisters were deliriously happy. immediately i got pissed thinking this was yet another prank, so i showed absolutely no emotions which everyone caught on to. i said to my partner, “either you’re just mentally disturbed or you’re cheating.” that’s pretty much when all hell broke loose. my partner’s pov is that she was sincerely apologetic about the prank and i should know her well enough to not think she’d ever pull that stunt again. she’s also livid at me for ruining the announcement, embarrassing her in front of her entire family, causing them to think i’m a horrible person and then finally insinuating that she’s a cheater. i still stand by my claim that had she never pranked me, my reaction would have been different. i do find it odd she decided to tell me along with her family. things would have likely went over better had she told me first, and then we announced it together. but i’m starting to think i acted immaturely causing scene in front of her family, and i think that’s maybe where i’m wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my partner (34f) and i (28m) have been together for 5 years. she has a daughter (8) from a previous relationship. right off the bat, it was made known i had fertility issues and likely wouldn’t ever be able to father a child. i moved slow in the relationship, although i had fallen in love with her fast. when things got serious, i overheard her telling her sister she was concerned that i might be an ‘aggressive type’ person because of the amount of scars i have. i didn’t want her scared away so i told her i had a bad childhood and left it at that. a little over two years into our relationship, i felt somewhat comfortable opening up and for the first time i told her exactly why i’m infertile which is a direct result of an injury i suffered due to trauma as a child. she was really empathetic and i was just thankful i had found the one i want to spend my life with that also came with a kid i adore. fast forward to last summer. my partner and her friend decided to play an impromptu prank on me. i came home from work, there were multiple positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. my partner announced she was pregnant, i started freaking out…a happy freak out cause i thought i had hit the lottery with the slim to none chance i have. they both started laughing, the tests were from the friend and not my partner. i was pretty much devastated and felt really let down that my partner would actually pull a prank like that. at first she was shocked by my reaction and said, “i thought you’d know it was a joke considering your circumstances.” she ended up apologizing after realizing how hurt i was. now for the point of the post. three weeks ago she arranged a huge dinner with her entire family at our house. she had us play this stupid mystery game and ultimately announced to everyone she’s pregnant. her mother and sisters were deliriously happy. immediately i got pissed thinking this was yet another prank, so i showed absolutely no emotions which everyone caught on to. i said to my partner, “either you’re just mentally disturbed or you’re cheating.” that’s pretty much when all hell broke loose. my partner’s pov is that she was sincerely apologetic about the prank and i should know her well enough to not think she’d ever pull that stunt again. she’s also livid at me for ruining the announcement, embarrassing her in front of her entire family, causing them to think i’m a horrible person and then finally insinuating that she’s a cheater. i still stand by my claim that had she never pranked me, my reaction would have been different. i do find it odd she decided to tell me along with her family. things would have likely went over better had she told me first, and then we announced it together. but i’m starting to think i acted immaturely causing scene in front of her family, and i think that’s maybe where i’m wrong. [/INST] nta that prank was just beyond cruel! and then to announce it with everyone and not tell you privately is insensitive and immature. your reaction was to be expected. i see both these as red flags for your relationship. congrats on the baby though, although i’m sure you’ll have doubts until paternity test happens </s>
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AITA for removing all of my fiance's certificates from the wall after he took down my daughter's dog picture?
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me [f34 and my fiance [m36 got engaged 2 months ago. i own the house we currently live in but after he moved in he started helping out with the mortgage payment. i have a daughter [ruby, f12, she adores animals (she had about 7 pets so far in her life). unfortunately, her dog tic passed away. he was her closest friend and favorite pet. it was devastating for me as well because he was so precious.
as a way to honor him, i've printed a middle sized picture of him (ruby's favorite) and put it in a frame and hanged the frame in the living room wall. ruby was so happy with it especially since she gets to see him smiling at her when she walks in, it gives her comfort.
my fiance saw it and got upset. he commented on how strange it was to have the dog's picture up on the wall and how much of distraction it brings. i felt puzzled because we have all kinds of pictures that were hanging on that wall. he suggested we remove it but i ignored him. one day, i got home and saw that he's taken it down. ruby was in her room crying holding the picture. i asked what happened and she told me that my fiance took the picture off and told her she's not allowed to have it hung up there, also told her to keep it in her room if she didn't want to lose it "for good". i was shocked. i rushed out and immediately started taking down all the certificates he had on that wall. his doctorate , master's and bachelor's degrees. and about 4-5 other certificates as well. all of them i took down and put in the bedroom. he discovered what i did and snapped at me and said that it's his house as well and i should respect his input. in my defense, i told him that since my daughter has to keep it in her room then he too has to keep his certificates in his room according to his logiche yelled at me demanding that i stopped nagging him and acting childishly and spitefully. he wanted to put them back up but i refused and said that if he does that then tic's picture will be put back up as well. he yelled about how i disrespected him and his achievements and treated them as trash, and then stormed out.
he's been giving both me and ruby the cold shoulder for days now saying he out speak to neither of us til we apologize and put those certificates back up on the wall ourselves.
| 19,925 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vtig18/aita_for_removing_all_of_my_fiances_certificates/
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2022-07-07 13:13:59
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nta. he doesn't want equal say- he wants a dictatorship. it's clear that he will continue to hurt your daughter behind your back. i would reevaluate my relationship.
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nta
he took a picture of your grieving child's dog, threatened her, told you that your house is also his, yelled at you and demanded an apology.
if you marry this abusive man, you and your daughter are going to have a miserable life.
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nta for taking down his certificates, but ywbta if you stay with a man who literally threatened a 12 year old child to throw away a picture of a recently deceased animal.
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this is so concerning.
he took down the picture and threatened a 12 year old that she’d lose it permanently if she didn’t keep it in her room rather than on the wall in a common area in her own house.
if this is indicative of the way he is with her when you’re not around then i’d boot him out of your life asap.
speak to ruby and have a heart to heart, ask her what he’s like when you’re not there because this story is waving a whole bunch of red flags 🚩
nta for trying to make a point but there seems to be a much bigger issue going on.
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info: are you still marrying your daughter’s bully ? do you have a prenup ? do you accept your daughter feeling unsafe forever in her own home going forward ? do you condone silent treatment as punishment and find that healthy ?
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good lord! who puts their certificates on the living room wall? a very small minded egotist, that's who.
in a professional office? sure. in a home? hell no. in someone else's home? gtfo.
nta.
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nta. people who aren't dog people don't understand the role dogs play in our lives. to me, it makes sense to have a photo of your dog on the wall. i don't know about the certificates, but your daughter definitely deserves the dog photo on the wall.
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who puts their certificates up in the living room? in a study or office, yes. living room? no.
nta
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"respect his input"
so... do as he says?
nta
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print off more pictures of the dog, and for every day he continues to sulk, hang one more dog picture where his certificates once were.
you are nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me [f34 and my fiance [m36 got engaged 2 months ago. i own the house we currently live in but after he moved in he started helping out with the mortgage payment. i have a daughter [ruby, f12, she adores animals (she had about 7 pets so far in her life). unfortunately, her dog tic passed away. he was her closest friend and favorite pet. it was devastating for me as well because he was so precious. as a way to honor him, i've printed a middle sized picture of him (ruby's favorite) and put it in a frame and hanged the frame in the living room wall. ruby was so happy with it especially since she gets to see him smiling at her when she walks in, it gives her comfort. my fiance saw it and got upset. he commented on how strange it was to have the dog's picture up on the wall and how much of distraction it brings. i felt puzzled because we have all kinds of pictures that were hanging on that wall. he suggested we remove it but i ignored him. one day, i got home and saw that he's taken it down. ruby was in her room crying holding the picture. i asked what happened and she told me that my fiance took the picture off and told her she's not allowed to have it hung up there, also told her to keep it in her room if she didn't want to lose it "for good". i was shocked. i rushed out and immediately started taking down all the certificates he had on that wall. his doctorate , master's and bachelor's degrees. and about 4-5 other certificates as well. all of them i took down and put in the bedroom. he discovered what i did and snapped at me and said that it's his house as well and i should respect his input. in my defense, i told him that since my daughter has to keep it in her room then he too has to keep his certificates in his room according to his logiche yelled at me demanding that i stopped nagging him and acting childishly and spitefully. he wanted to put them back up but i refused and said that if he does that then tic's picture will be put back up as well. he yelled about how i disrespected him and his achievements and treated them as trash, and then stormed out. he's been giving both me and ruby the cold shoulder for days now saying he out speak to neither of us til we apologize and put those certificates back up on the wall ourselves.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me [f34 and my fiance [m36 got engaged 2 months ago. i own the house we currently live in but after he moved in he started helping out with the mortgage payment. i have a daughter [ruby, f12, she adores animals (she had about 7 pets so far in her life). unfortunately, her dog tic passed away. he was her closest friend and favorite pet. it was devastating for me as well because he was so precious. as a way to honor him, i've printed a middle sized picture of him (ruby's favorite) and put it in a frame and hanged the frame in the living room wall. ruby was so happy with it especially since she gets to see him smiling at her when she walks in, it gives her comfort. my fiance saw it and got upset. he commented on how strange it was to have the dog's picture up on the wall and how much of distraction it brings. i felt puzzled because we have all kinds of pictures that were hanging on that wall. he suggested we remove it but i ignored him. one day, i got home and saw that he's taken it down. ruby was in her room crying holding the picture. i asked what happened and she told me that my fiance took the picture off and told her she's not allowed to have it hung up there, also told her to keep it in her room if she didn't want to lose it "for good". i was shocked. i rushed out and immediately started taking down all the certificates he had on that wall. his doctorate , master's and bachelor's degrees. and about 4-5 other certificates as well. all of them i took down and put in the bedroom. he discovered what i did and snapped at me and said that it's his house as well and i should respect his input. in my defense, i told him that since my daughter has to keep it in her room then he too has to keep his certificates in his room according to his logiche yelled at me demanding that i stopped nagging him and acting childishly and spitefully. he wanted to put them back up but i refused and said that if he does that then tic's picture will be put back up as well. he yelled about how i disrespected him and his achievements and treated them as trash, and then stormed out. he's been giving both me and ruby the cold shoulder for days now saying he out speak to neither of us til we apologize and put those certificates back up on the wall ourselves. [/INST] nta. he doesn't want equal say- he wants a dictatorship. it's clear that he will continue to hurt your daughter behind your back. i would reevaluate my relationship. </s>
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AITA for saying that my daughter inherits my house "no matter what"?
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i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m.
i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to?
one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist.
my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split.
i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her.
| 32,840 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k9husr/aita_for_saying_that_my_daughter_inherits_my/
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2020-12-09 01:25:17
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nta. you have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? that's absurd.
if you're going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you your home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. but first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person.
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nta. the house was purchased 30 years ago, long before you met steven, and it is your separate property. i would not add him to your house deed. ianal, but i certainly would consult an attorney versed in estate law. i have my eyebrows raised that a fiancé’ of 2 years thinks his two children should get an equal share of your house that is your separate property, and that you have paid the mortgage on for nearly 30 years. please, protect yourself and contact an attorney.
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i have lived in bay area. 1/3 of that house will not go far for giving camila the future you and she want her to have. you are passing your good fortune, and hard work, on to your daughter. makes perfect sense to me.
between steven and his ex, they have the right and responsibility to provide for their two children as best they can.
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nta, that’s your house. i think the prenup is a fantastic idea as it is your investment, you shouldn’t risk losing it if things go south.
i am just floored he thinks his kids are entitled to 2/3 of the value. wtff?!?
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lady, you’ve been with that man all of two years. you better stop playing. this isn’t even a question. that house belongs to you and should go to your daughter. all due respect, fuck them kids. nta
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nta why does he think his kids should get so much when it's your house. that's crazy to me. proceed with caution
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nta.
don't marry him if he refused to sign a prenup and get that desire in writing with your will or he and his kids will have grounds to contest it later.
please don't marry without a prenup and if you have to make it a long engagement. don't even set a date until he agrees and signs.
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this guy is basically just paying rent and he wants to control 33% of your assets? regardless of his intentions, that house is your property and a prenup is a reasonable request in this situation. don’t back down, at the end of the day that house is for your daughter and you need to stand your ground.
nta
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nta. please, please, please:
1. do not give in on this. it's too important to let feelings get in the way.
2. reconsider getting married. really. this guy does not sound like a winner.
3. go see a lawyer - yesterday. you need to be very careful to get this right, especially if you are determined to go through with marrying this dude.
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nta - it's your house to do with as you please. but, if you are positive that you will not change your mind about this, you may want to consider putting the house into an irrevocable trust for your daughter, it would keep your house from going through probate and would keep it from being part of any challenges to your will or to the prenup. i'm not saying it's definitely be a better option for you, but it might be worth discussing with an attorney or financial planner.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m. i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to? one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist. my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split. i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. i got very lucky in that i bought a home in the bay area nearly 30 years ago for around $230k before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1m. i have a 23 year old daughter camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend. i've never explicitly told my daughter "the house will be yours" nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense - that's my daughter. who else would i give it to? one important note - there are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who's been here as long as i have). otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. the bay area is simply un-affordable if you're not in tech. my daughter is a hair stylist. my fiance steven and i have been together for 2 years. he has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who i adore and i'm excited to help raise them. steven and i don't have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren't for the house. i told him that i'm ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but i wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. it's a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. he wasn't happy with this. he said that $1m split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. i disagree, i paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and camila is my only child. she can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the bay area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it's split. i spoke to camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like i always planned on giving it to her. [/INST] nta. you have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? that's absurd. if you're going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you your home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. but first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person. </s>
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WIBTA for asking my brother not to bring his husband to my wedding because of my fiancé's homophobic family?
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my fiancé and i are a few months into planning our wedding and we are now deciding on who we are inviting.
my fiancé comes from a super conservative and religious background but has thankfully grown way form that (otherwise i couldn't marry her!)
her parents however are still super conservative and homophobic and delight in talking shit and all sorts of horrible tings about the lgbt community. other members of her family are like this as well, some more violently vocal than others.
well, for our wedding we have decided that everyone we invite can bring a plus one (subject to our approval of course).
i thought about it for a really long time about my older brother and his husband (they've been married 3 years) and i don't want his husband to attend with him.
the drama if they attend together has the potential to get out of hand and that is something i don't want to have to deal with on my wedding day. my fiancé also agrees with me on this.
we can't not invite her parents and we can't not invite my brother so we felt our only option was to not invite his husband.
who knows what could be said or done if he attends and yeah, we're being selfish but it's our wedding.
i'm really not sure how he'll react though. it took my brother a long time to accept himself and i'm sure this won't feel good but at the same time maybe his husband won't want to attend anyways.
i have nothing against my brother's husband. he is a lovely man but we are just trying to have the day go smoothly.
when we extend the invitations out i think i'm going to go to my brother in person and ask him not to bring his husband for all the reasons above.
so wibta if i asked him not to bring his husband?
| 4,958 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6yovf/wibta_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/
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2019-03-29 15:30:01
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yta. i understand it's to make life easier for a day that should be important to you, but honestly it's still a shitty thing to do. your wife needs to tell her family to just not be assholes for 5 hours out of their lives.
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yta. instead of disinviting the bigots who would cause problems, you're choosing to disinvite a decent person who happens to be gay. let me ask you, op--are you going to exclude your brother and his husband from every family event from now on? birthdays? holidays? what happens if you have kids? will you exclude them from your kids' lives because your wife's family thinks they'll be a bad influence? what if your kids are lgbt? will you cut off your wife's family then, or will you let them mistreat your own children? what do you think your exclusion of your brother's husband will teach your kids? this is not the only time their beliefs will cause problems, and you need to think about how you're going to proceed from here on out and the consequences your choices will have in the years to come.
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yta. disinvite the parents, full stop. why should they be they ones that get to attend and not your brothers husband when they’re the ones that would cause issues? i understand they’re your fiancé’s parents but personally i wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior at my wedding. this is your day and you get to decide what kind of values go into it.
another solution is to just warn the husband about your fiancé’s family and he can decide for himself. but if you disinvite him you are basically acquiescing to the homophobia of your fiancé’s family.
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yta (or would be the asshole). it's your wedding day, sure, but you have no problem with the guy. he probably knows their judgments and should be given the option to come. also, him attending wouldn't be the source of the drama; their talking shit would be the source of the drama. i'd inform them that he's coming and that you don't want any bullshit on your wedding day.
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yta. you're going to let the awful in-laws off the hook for their anticipated awful behavior, while telling your brother, by implication, that his marriage isn't worth what yours is????? can her parents seriously not hold their shit together for 4 hours? what you do here is you and/or your fiancee have a discussion with her parents: "we are inviting my brother and his husband. is this going to be a problem for you? because if not, we will not be able to invite you."
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yta so completely here it's hard to even begin to know where to start.
you don't agree with the homophobes yet you're willing to shame and punish your own brother to appease them? that's not just selfish, it's cowardly and it's hurtful.
yta, yta, yta.
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yta
try rewording the title a bit to see why:
>wibta for asking my brother not to bring his black wife to my wedding because of my fiancé's racist family?
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yta
>we're being selfish but it's our wedding.
you're not being selfish, you're being a coward. you can be selfish by inviting the husband and telling her parents and family to "deal with it" for a few hours and not fuck up your special day.
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yta. wow. you'll make the appearance of siding with homophobes rather than being inclusive.
you're clearly not as open-minded as you think you are.
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yta
> we can't not invite her parents
why the hell not!
look if you do this, don't expect your brother to ever speak to you again, and honestly don't expect your parents/other decent family to attend either. and be prepared for them to cut you out of their life as well.
enjoy your new homophobic family.
have you discussed children with your soon to be spouse? have you agreed on how to limit exposure to her assholes so as to not poison your children? if the woman won't stand up to the homophobs for her wedding, i doubt she will for your kids either.
if your partner is too spineless to tell her family to either behave or not come, you may want to consider eloping, or waiting till she grows a spine to be married.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé and i are a few months into planning our wedding and we are now deciding on who we are inviting. my fiancé comes from a super conservative and religious background but has thankfully grown way form that (otherwise i couldn't marry her!) her parents however are still super conservative and homophobic and delight in talking shit and all sorts of horrible tings about the lgbt community. other members of her family are like this as well, some more violently vocal than others. well, for our wedding we have decided that everyone we invite can bring a plus one (subject to our approval of course). i thought about it for a really long time about my older brother and his husband (they've been married 3 years) and i don't want his husband to attend with him. the drama if they attend together has the potential to get out of hand and that is something i don't want to have to deal with on my wedding day. my fiancé also agrees with me on this. we can't not invite her parents and we can't not invite my brother so we felt our only option was to not invite his husband. who knows what could be said or done if he attends and yeah, we're being selfish but it's our wedding. i'm really not sure how he'll react though. it took my brother a long time to accept himself and i'm sure this won't feel good but at the same time maybe his husband won't want to attend anyways. i have nothing against my brother's husband. he is a lovely man but we are just trying to have the day go smoothly. when we extend the invitations out i think i'm going to go to my brother in person and ask him not to bring his husband for all the reasons above. so wibta if i asked him not to bring his husband?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé and i are a few months into planning our wedding and we are now deciding on who we are inviting. my fiancé comes from a super conservative and religious background but has thankfully grown way form that (otherwise i couldn't marry her!) her parents however are still super conservative and homophobic and delight in talking shit and all sorts of horrible tings about the lgbt community. other members of her family are like this as well, some more violently vocal than others. well, for our wedding we have decided that everyone we invite can bring a plus one (subject to our approval of course). i thought about it for a really long time about my older brother and his husband (they've been married 3 years) and i don't want his husband to attend with him. the drama if they attend together has the potential to get out of hand and that is something i don't want to have to deal with on my wedding day. my fiancé also agrees with me on this. we can't not invite her parents and we can't not invite my brother so we felt our only option was to not invite his husband. who knows what could be said or done if he attends and yeah, we're being selfish but it's our wedding. i'm really not sure how he'll react though. it took my brother a long time to accept himself and i'm sure this won't feel good but at the same time maybe his husband won't want to attend anyways. i have nothing against my brother's husband. he is a lovely man but we are just trying to have the day go smoothly. when we extend the invitations out i think i'm going to go to my brother in person and ask him not to bring his husband for all the reasons above. so wibta if i asked him not to bring his husband? [/INST] yta. i understand it's to make life easier for a day that should be important to you, but honestly it's still a shitty thing to do. your wife needs to tell her family to just not be assholes for 5 hours out of their lives. </s>
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AITA for telling my parents to stop hooking me up with single girls from their church? AITA for not wanting to get married?
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the last year and a half has been hard for me, to say the least.
last march, my brilliant and hilarious and beautiful girlfriend natalie suddenly passed away. everyone always gave shit about us because of politics. we met in college when were were poly sci majors: she is very liberal (think aoc) and i'm pretty conservative. we actually met because we were serving as treasurers for our school's college democrats and young republicans clubs, respectively, and our groups would get together for drinks or bowling or laser tag once a month.
well, natalie and i bonded over a lot of shared interests and we hit it off. even if we didn't see eye to eye on many issues, debating her was stimulating and formed the cornerstone of our relationship. we've had debates that went on until dawn. we just bounced off each other. she liked to joke that we were "drift compatible".
i wanted to marry this woman, but she passed away before we got a chance to talk about marriage. i'm in therapy and i'm working through working through not having her in my life anymore, but it's been rough. then 'rona happened and i got laid off, so i had to move back in with my parents and figure out what i am supposed to do now.
my parents mean well, but they got married really young and are more conservative and religious than me. they've been trying to set me up on dates with single girls from their church since i moved back home. but i don't want to date these girls.
no offense to them, but it's a small town in the american breadbasket. they don't share the same interests as me and it feels like their only goal in life is to be a good christian wife and produce a lot of babies. trying to talk to them about current events is excruciating for me. the girls my parents tried to set me up with take everything they read on facebook or hear from fox news for face value. it makes me miss natalie and our debates more.
my parents mean well. i know they want me to find a nice girl and settle down with her, but not like this. they are nothing like natalie and never will be. i miss her, even if my folks didn't like her ideas.
but when i told them the other night that i wanted them to stop setting me up on dates with these girls, they freaked out and told me that i needed to consider settling down since i just turned thirty. they're good girls from great families, i know that, and my parents like them more than they liked natalie, but she was my one and only. i don't think it's fair for anyone when i still love her.
they are even more angry at me because i told them that i just don't see myself getting married anytime soon. but like i said, natalie was my soulmate and i just can't see myself being with anyone else but her. yet, they are insisting that i need to find a woman and settle down and give them grandchildren.
| 22,460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gnugc5/aita_for_telling_my_parents_to_stop_hooking_me_up/
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2020-05-21 10:34:32
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nta, i'm very sorry for your loss... your parents should stop meddling and respect your grief.
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nta. even if you turn 50 and still single, they shouldn't try to make you date anyone. you're old enough to decide when and under what circumstances you will be ready to date again.
i'm sorry for your loss, op. it must've been devastating.
p.s. ask nathalie to send you the ideal girl for you. i know it sounds dumb, but sometimes it does work (maybe it's a placebo, i'm not sure)
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nta - did you tell your parents about natalie? if not maybe that will help. no need for details on her politics, but maybe just let them know you'd already met a girl that you wanted to marry, but she's gone and you are grieving.
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nta. some loses are to deep to heal in just a year or two or five. i am sorry for your lose and can only say it will get better. your parents seem to underestimate the depth of your feeling for natalie. you are not going to be able to change that. i suspect they are to desperate for grandkids to see your pain. all i can say is stay in therapy. you need to work through your grief before even thinking of committing to someone else. good luck.
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nta in any way. i'm so sorry for your loss, and you need time to grieve. you've taken all the right actions to try and lift yourself back up, but them pushing girls onto you is not helping and is only making things worse. try and explain it to them, but i don't think this really warrants an explanation. you don't have to get married, there should be no pressure for that. stay strong and focus on yourself and your wellbeing <3
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nta. i'm so sorry for your loss. it is so unfair to you. you're grieving and they're only thinking of themselves. they're really selfish actually. i hope you find another job soon and get out of there. (and believe me, i get it. i bailed from the town i grew up in as soon as i was able and i would rather be homeless or live in my car than move back to that depressing area. no one there has any original thoughts or aspirations and most think mayo is exotic and spicy.) i think it's totally natural to not want to date any of them, they (parents) don't really know you anymore. truthfully, if your mom has got baby fever so bad, tell her to adopt a puppy or something. your parents are being unreasonable for trying to force you to fit into their mold and turn you into them. the fact that they're yelling at you for grieving is just so awful. i really hope you get away from there soon and maybe one day find love again, when and if you are ready.
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nta in the slightest. i’d recommend r/widowers if you haven’t already checked it out. i didn’t post there much but just reading about it helped me through my son’s father’s death
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> yet, they are insisting that i need to find a woman and settle down and give them grandchildren
this one hits somewhat close to home for me due to my own struggles. this in particular is a way of making this about them. trust me, you don’t owe them anything when it comes to your relationships and choices on what makes you happy. take your time and mourn, time will pass and you’ll grow stronger.
you’ll never forget her, nor will you replace her. that’s not what moving on is about. in your own time you’ll learn to hold on to those memories and cherish them, while still being able to smile and look forward.
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nta. not at all. i'm so sorry for your loss. i hope you will find your peace sometime. it does not make you anything to not marry. don't say you will not get married at all in case you're thinking your parents will get furious. just tell them right now you are not seeing yourself getting married. explain to them you're still mourning. tell them one day maybe you will but right now, with what's going on with world you don't want to worry about one more thing. if you want throw in your financial situation and the virus.
also thinking you're an asshole just because you're not giving them a grandchild is really hard on you. you shouldn't get married and have kids just for your parents even when there wasn't such a sad event in your life.
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nta, you are still grieving the loss of natalie and there is no time limit on that and no one “right-way” to grieve. i’m glad you are in therapy and hope that it is helping you. maybe one day you’ll be ready to date again, maybe not, but ultimately the decision is yours and yours alone. i wish you well.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the last year and a half has been hard for me, to say the least. last march, my brilliant and hilarious and beautiful girlfriend natalie suddenly passed away. everyone always gave shit about us because of politics. we met in college when were were poly sci majors: she is very liberal (think aoc) and i'm pretty conservative. we actually met because we were serving as treasurers for our school's college democrats and young republicans clubs, respectively, and our groups would get together for drinks or bowling or laser tag once a month. well, natalie and i bonded over a lot of shared interests and we hit it off. even if we didn't see eye to eye on many issues, debating her was stimulating and formed the cornerstone of our relationship. we've had debates that went on until dawn. we just bounced off each other. she liked to joke that we were "drift compatible". i wanted to marry this woman, but she passed away before we got a chance to talk about marriage. i'm in therapy and i'm working through working through not having her in my life anymore, but it's been rough. then 'rona happened and i got laid off, so i had to move back in with my parents and figure out what i am supposed to do now. my parents mean well, but they got married really young and are more conservative and religious than me. they've been trying to set me up on dates with single girls from their church since i moved back home. but i don't want to date these girls. no offense to them, but it's a small town in the american breadbasket. they don't share the same interests as me and it feels like their only goal in life is to be a good christian wife and produce a lot of babies. trying to talk to them about current events is excruciating for me. the girls my parents tried to set me up with take everything they read on facebook or hear from fox news for face value. it makes me miss natalie and our debates more. my parents mean well. i know they want me to find a nice girl and settle down with her, but not like this. they are nothing like natalie and never will be. i miss her, even if my folks didn't like her ideas. but when i told them the other night that i wanted them to stop setting me up on dates with these girls, they freaked out and told me that i needed to consider settling down since i just turned thirty. they're good girls from great families, i know that, and my parents like them more than they liked natalie, but she was my one and only. i don't think it's fair for anyone when i still love her. they are even more angry at me because i told them that i just don't see myself getting married anytime soon. but like i said, natalie was my soulmate and i just can't see myself being with anyone else but her. yet, they are insisting that i need to find a woman and settle down and give them grandchildren.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the last year and a half has been hard for me, to say the least. last march, my brilliant and hilarious and beautiful girlfriend natalie suddenly passed away. everyone always gave shit about us because of politics. we met in college when were were poly sci majors: she is very liberal (think aoc) and i'm pretty conservative. we actually met because we were serving as treasurers for our school's college democrats and young republicans clubs, respectively, and our groups would get together for drinks or bowling or laser tag once a month. well, natalie and i bonded over a lot of shared interests and we hit it off. even if we didn't see eye to eye on many issues, debating her was stimulating and formed the cornerstone of our relationship. we've had debates that went on until dawn. we just bounced off each other. she liked to joke that we were "drift compatible". i wanted to marry this woman, but she passed away before we got a chance to talk about marriage. i'm in therapy and i'm working through working through not having her in my life anymore, but it's been rough. then 'rona happened and i got laid off, so i had to move back in with my parents and figure out what i am supposed to do now. my parents mean well, but they got married really young and are more conservative and religious than me. they've been trying to set me up on dates with single girls from their church since i moved back home. but i don't want to date these girls. no offense to them, but it's a small town in the american breadbasket. they don't share the same interests as me and it feels like their only goal in life is to be a good christian wife and produce a lot of babies. trying to talk to them about current events is excruciating for me. the girls my parents tried to set me up with take everything they read on facebook or hear from fox news for face value. it makes me miss natalie and our debates more. my parents mean well. i know they want me to find a nice girl and settle down with her, but not like this. they are nothing like natalie and never will be. i miss her, even if my folks didn't like her ideas. but when i told them the other night that i wanted them to stop setting me up on dates with these girls, they freaked out and told me that i needed to consider settling down since i just turned thirty. they're good girls from great families, i know that, and my parents like them more than they liked natalie, but she was my one and only. i don't think it's fair for anyone when i still love her. they are even more angry at me because i told them that i just don't see myself getting married anytime soon. but like i said, natalie was my soulmate and i just can't see myself being with anyone else but her. yet, they are insisting that i need to find a woman and settle down and give them grandchildren. [/INST] nta, i'm very sorry for your loss... your parents should stop meddling and respect your grief. </s>
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AITA for being openly hostile towards my sister and telling on her thus potentially making her husband loose custody of his children?
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i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character.
she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster.
she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible.
i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since.
one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole?
| 27,868 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skkx07/aita_for_being_openly_hostile_towards_my_sister/
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2022-02-04 18:43:55
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nta - those kids are clearly being abused by your sister, and clearly their wellbeing is being neglected by their father. i'm normally not a fan of people injecting themselves into someone else's relationship, but you're looking out for these children and there's nothing at all wrong with that.
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nta. how awful for those poor children. you are absolutely doing the right thing in protecting them from your sister. you should be prepared for your family to take her side, though.
imo, if your family is willing to side with her, good riddance. hopefully, you can still have a relationship with the kids and their mother, though! good job.
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you're nta. i don't like when people throw around the word narcissist around here, but your sister sounds like a narcissist. to be able to criticize children, and be jealous of their relationship with their father, to tell them he loves her more than them?
my mother is a narcissist. one of my earliest memories is her telling my sister and me, after our father had tucked us in and told us he loved us more than anything, that he didn't mean more than her, that he would always love her more. i'll never forget that confusing moment in my young life. that woman did damage to all of her children, that she'll never take responsibility for and that we'll be healing from for the rest of our lives.
you offered these kids' mother assistance to stop that from happening to her babies any longer. you did a hard thing, you will probably catch shit from family - but i think you did the right thing.
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nta these are children that need to be protected. this is a terrible environment for them. telling the truth is not a betrayal. biggest asshole on the planet would go to your sister for what she says and does to children. second is her husband for failing to defend and protect his children.
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the fact that the majority of her bio family is willing to testify against her speaks volumes nta
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nta you're those kids superhero tbh.
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i'm just imagining the judge when the mother shows up "yes i'm here to sue for full custody and i have my ex's new family-in-law here to testify on my behalf"
nta op, way to show up for those kids.
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nta. you do what's best for those two kids. f@ck your sister. f@ck her spineless husband. and f@ck your parents if they think her behavior is acceptable.
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you are a hero! those kids were terrified to speak up.
nta
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you are a fabulous person who put the needs of 2 children before a vile person, well done
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm not gonna be shy about this. my sister sucks. she is a horrible self slcentered person who thinks she is the main character. she is not only a horrible person, she is a step monster. she married this guy... who is a freaking push over... 3 years ago. he has two children. 10 and 6. my sister constantly complains about them. saying things like the 6 year old is gross because he sips too loud or has stained clothing. for the love of god.... he is 6. that's what a child is supposed to do. and she is so mean to the 10 year old girl. she acts straight out jealous of her. i've caught her taunting her, that daddy loves my sister more than her. she is horrible. i have straight up called her out (after trying to talk to her like a million times) . at christmas she was saying, that i'd be nice to have the kids there and i said "why... you hate them?". this was when everything was almost over and she had been bragging to her friends that her husband had spend more on her than on daughter. a fight ensued. my parents reprimanded me but my cousins took my side and called her out, noting every moment that they had witnessed her being horrible. her husband obviously took her side and said, that she was a wonderful step mother and that the kids love her. to which i said that was a lie, as i had consoled them countless times after they were taunted by my sister. they left and we haven't talked since. one day i was running errands and run into my step nephews who were with their mother. i had never met her... and honestly she is wonderful. we decided to have some coffee. while the kids were playing, she asked me how her children behaved etc. i said they were wonderful and then i just spilled the beans on my sister. how awful she was. what i've heard her say to the kids, the inaction of her ex husband. by the end she was horrified. she said the kids didn't like her. but she always chucked it up to my sister being the new woman in their fathers life. she said the kids never really said anything even when she asked. i then told her iw as very concerned for the children as my sister had straight up told the 10 year old, that it would be better, if she disappeared from her father's life. their mother saw red and asked me if i'd be willing to "testify". she said that this was unacceptable and she would be taking their father to court again. i said i would recount the events that i witnessed and could ask my cousins who witnessed a lot too. she was very grateful. i asked my cousins who were all willing to recount the events. word got arround to my parents and by extention my sister. and they have been calling me the biggest asshole on the planet who would betray family on a whim. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta - those kids are clearly being abused by your sister, and clearly their wellbeing is being neglected by their father. i'm normally not a fan of people injecting themselves into someone else's relationship, but you're looking out for these children and there's nothing at all wrong with that. </s>
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AITA for allowing my husband to harass my cousin?
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sock account. need opinion fo solve issues going on in my family.
so my, (26f) husband (30m) has fun trolling people and getting under their skin online and whatsapp but he’s never rude in person just in cyber world. it’s just his personality.
we have this cousin chat and one cousin, samuel (30m) has always been sensitive to my husbands antics. he did directly tell my husband he doesn’t appreciate him making fun of his beliefs, politics, appearance for laughs but my husband continued to do it and samuel eventually just took it and remained quiet.
we were all at peace for about a year and my husband continued to make jokes but samuel ignored. my husband made another joke about samuel when samuels wife, alia (25f) stepped in saying she didn’t appreciate us using her husband as punching bag and everyone on the chat is rude for not stopping my husband.
alia has always been a hothead, someone offends somebody else, she always steps in and attacks. she’s doesn’t let people fight their own battles and it’s annoying.
so my cousins and i made a private chat talking about how samuel is too sensitive and alia shouldn’t be so crazy. somehow alia found out about this and messaged me.
here is the part of messages which i want peoples opinions.
alia: your husband is rude but you are worse. you always post messages on fb saying if “you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it” “be kind” “love first” but when me and my husband directly say your husband is offending us. you just say it’s his personality.
me: it is just his personality. it’s your fault you don’t understand everyone’s relationship. everyone got along until you came.
alia: what are you talking about? my husband has always disliked your husband.
me: well he didn’t say anything for a year, it means he’s okay with it. it’s just you.
alia: not true but okay, let’s say it’s just me. i’m offended by your husband. you think it’s just his personality right? i’m saying it’s hurtful. you could have private messaged me and apologized or at least asked if i was okay, if you cared about peace and kindess so much.
me: i have nothing to apologize for. my husband and i didn’t do anything wrong. you just don’t understand our dynamics and always try to pick a fight.
it went on for a bit but then alia eventually let it go.
so reddit, what do you think? should i have reached out and apologized for my husband behavior? my family is saying alia is just crazy and samuel is just overly sensitive.
| 6,711 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqgyeb/aita_for_allowing_my_husband_to_harass_my_cousin/
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2021-09-18 06:03:27
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yta and your husband is an asshole
1. it's not his personality, it's him being an asshole
2. samuel wasn't okay with it, he just realized that no one was on his side, and decided to take it to keep the peace
3. alia is right, your husband is mean
4. you owe both alia and samuel an apology
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yta -
1. for allowing your husband to bully your family member.
2. for having a separate chat to bash him after his wife asked you to stop
3. for disregarding and basically shaming her and your cousin for telling you how bad the behavior was/is.
you should both apologize to the cousin and the wife.
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yta, you and your husband both. i don’t think y’all understand what personality means.
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yta a thousand times over. i hate it when people act like assholes and then get mad when others are upset by this. "it's just his personality" is not an excuse to bully his cousin, especially after he told your husband he didn't like it. you even called it "harass" in the title! his wife had every right to stand up for her husband and to call you out on your hypocrisy.
you said the cousin didn't fight his own battles, but he tried telling your husband he didn't like it and got made fun of for it - for acting like a mature adult.
you and your husband are most definitely tas here and i thank my lucky stars i'm not related to you.
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yta. seriously, this is so bad i almost can't believe it's real. but unfortunately given how i've seen bullies play the victim all over the news in the last few years i'm sure you do think there's nothing wrong.
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only got to like the 3rd paragraph.
you're 100% the fucking asshole. so is your husband.
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imagine getting only yta verdicts and still being convinced you're in the right...like wow thats rly a level of delusion huh. you have fun w that
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yta. and alia isn’t a “hothead” for standing up for people who are being bullied. alia sounds like an amazing human being. you and your husband are making excuses for your poor behavior. if someone tells you that your insults about them bother them, that isn’t them being “too sensitive,” it’s them standing up for themselves against your harassment. you and your husband both need to grow up and stop mistreating people and then getting offended when they call you out on it.
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yta. let’s break it down:
you said: *”he did directly tell my husband he doesn’t appreciate him making fun of his beliefs, politics, appearance for laughs but my husband continue to do it”*. and you still defend your husband after this behavior? **by the way, being an asshole is not a personality trait.** stop defending him by saying it’s “just his personality.”
*then* you made a separate chat just to talk *more shit* about your cousin?!
you and your husband are quite the pair. wow…
|
sooo…your husband is a rude bully who targets people via the internet where he feels safe and there are less repercussions?
you are fine with it as long as people don’t defend themselves?
you believe this is not a matter of rudeness but a defect on your husband’s part because it is ‘just his personality’?
you are fine with being married to someone who belittles and denigrates others as long as they don’t complain?
your cousin’s wife is unreasonable because she expects her husband to treated with a modicum of respect and good manners?
why are you even asking this question? you and you husband are huge arseholes.
she’s allowed to be disrespectful. when you ask nicely the first time and people make group chats to bitch about your reasonable request - all bets are off. you like to dish it but can’t take it.
if you and your husband can’t interact with others without being mean then you need to isolate yourselves until you can behave with a basic level of common courtesy and human decency.
yta. yta. yta. and your husband is a massive ah.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: sock account. need opinion fo solve issues going on in my family. so my, (26f) husband (30m) has fun trolling people and getting under their skin online and whatsapp but he’s never rude in person just in cyber world. it’s just his personality. we have this cousin chat and one cousin, samuel (30m) has always been sensitive to my husbands antics. he did directly tell my husband he doesn’t appreciate him making fun of his beliefs, politics, appearance for laughs but my husband continued to do it and samuel eventually just took it and remained quiet. we were all at peace for about a year and my husband continued to make jokes but samuel ignored. my husband made another joke about samuel when samuels wife, alia (25f) stepped in saying she didn’t appreciate us using her husband as punching bag and everyone on the chat is rude for not stopping my husband. alia has always been a hothead, someone offends somebody else, she always steps in and attacks. she’s doesn’t let people fight their own battles and it’s annoying. so my cousins and i made a private chat talking about how samuel is too sensitive and alia shouldn’t be so crazy. somehow alia found out about this and messaged me. here is the part of messages which i want peoples opinions. alia: your husband is rude but you are worse. you always post messages on fb saying if “you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it” “be kind” “love first” but when me and my husband directly say your husband is offending us. you just say it’s his personality. me: it is just his personality. it’s your fault you don’t understand everyone’s relationship. everyone got along until you came. alia: what are you talking about? my husband has always disliked your husband. me: well he didn’t say anything for a year, it means he’s okay with it. it’s just you. alia: not true but okay, let’s say it’s just me. i’m offended by your husband. you think it’s just his personality right? i’m saying it’s hurtful. you could have private messaged me and apologized or at least asked if i was okay, if you cared about peace and kindess so much. me: i have nothing to apologize for. my husband and i didn’t do anything wrong. you just don’t understand our dynamics and always try to pick a fight. it went on for a bit but then alia eventually let it go. so reddit, what do you think? should i have reached out and apologized for my husband behavior? my family is saying alia is just crazy and samuel is just overly sensitive.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
sock account. need opinion fo solve issues going on in my family. so my, (26f) husband (30m) has fun trolling people and getting under their skin online and whatsapp but he’s never rude in person just in cyber world. it’s just his personality. we have this cousin chat and one cousin, samuel (30m) has always been sensitive to my husbands antics. he did directly tell my husband he doesn’t appreciate him making fun of his beliefs, politics, appearance for laughs but my husband continued to do it and samuel eventually just took it and remained quiet. we were all at peace for about a year and my husband continued to make jokes but samuel ignored. my husband made another joke about samuel when samuels wife, alia (25f) stepped in saying she didn’t appreciate us using her husband as punching bag and everyone on the chat is rude for not stopping my husband. alia has always been a hothead, someone offends somebody else, she always steps in and attacks. she’s doesn’t let people fight their own battles and it’s annoying. so my cousins and i made a private chat talking about how samuel is too sensitive and alia shouldn’t be so crazy. somehow alia found out about this and messaged me. here is the part of messages which i want peoples opinions. alia: your husband is rude but you are worse. you always post messages on fb saying if “you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it” “be kind” “love first” but when me and my husband directly say your husband is offending us. you just say it’s his personality. me: it is just his personality. it’s your fault you don’t understand everyone’s relationship. everyone got along until you came. alia: what are you talking about? my husband has always disliked your husband. me: well he didn’t say anything for a year, it means he’s okay with it. it’s just you. alia: not true but okay, let’s say it’s just me. i’m offended by your husband. you think it’s just his personality right? i’m saying it’s hurtful. you could have private messaged me and apologized or at least asked if i was okay, if you cared about peace and kindess so much. me: i have nothing to apologize for. my husband and i didn’t do anything wrong. you just don’t understand our dynamics and always try to pick a fight. it went on for a bit but then alia eventually let it go. so reddit, what do you think? should i have reached out and apologized for my husband behavior? my family is saying alia is just crazy and samuel is just overly sensitive. [/INST] yta and your husband is an asshole 1. it's not his personality, it's him being an asshole 2. samuel wasn't okay with it, he just realized that no one was on his side, and decided to take it to keep the peace 3. alia is right, your husband is mean 4. you owe both alia and samuel an apology </s>
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AITA for making my girlfriend's son give me his gambling winnings?
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i (44m) have been with my girlfriend (40f) for several years now. she has one child--a son who recently turned 18. he and i get along really well, at least for the most part.
but recently he and i had our first blowout fight and i'm wondering if i was wrong. what happened was that we were returning home from a summer trip. my girlfriend decided that we should stop at a casino near the border of our home state--she enjoys gambling, maybe a little too much but that's a different post. we ended up getting a hotel room at the casino for a night. for a lot of it my girlfriend's son and i just hung out and watched a csi marathon. but eventually we ended up joining his mom on the casino floor. i gave the boy $100 and told him that he should go make me some money.
eventually i met up with my girlfriend (his mother) and he came up a little later to both of us with a cash waiver for about $1,100. he looked really proud of his earnings. i told him to turn his cash for another $100 but he responded "no, i think i'll keep this."
i answered him "no, you didn't earn that" and took the money and explained that all winnings between us were communal. i gave him another $100.
i think that he had no claim to his gambling winnings in the first place since it came from my money. my girlfriend is actually with me on this. but her son is really mad it me right now; probably the angriest he has ever been, feeling like i stole his winnings and it's had me thinking that maybe i'm in the wrong.
| 11,049 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pf2vg3/aita_for_making_my_girlfriends_son_give_me_his/
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2021-08-31 10:09:08
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yta you gave the $100 to the kid with no expectation stated to pay it back. it wasn’t a loan, and even if it was, he’s a fucking kid and you should know better. you have no rights to money you gave away.
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yta. yeah it’s your money, but he was the one who went out there made it into more money. he should just give you $100 back and keep the rest.
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yta wow you really are ta!
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yta, dude. “go make me some money” clearly sounds like a joke, especially coming from an adult figure your girlfriend’s son has known for several years and probably liked and respected until now. the best you could have asked for from him was $100 without being an ass.
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yta! once you give someone money it belongs to them! you have absolutely no right to steal his money, and i strongly suggest you give it all back to him!
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yta, and you know it! you gave him that money thinking he would lose it, and when he didn’t, you took what he made. you suck.
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your logic makes no sense and you’re acting like a complete ah over $1,100. if he won money on a scratch off you gave him, would you make him share that too?
give him his winnings back, or you will remain yta.
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yta.
you are a thief. the end.
if he worked a job and earned the money.. would you take that? or if he took a hundred dollars and invested it..and now the investment is making money?
his work won that money. maybe.. possibly.. you might have claim to the original hundred dollars back. but whatever he gets with the money.. he did it his self.
give the kid his money back
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yta you and your gf are ok with stealing money from a kid.
way to go.
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yta.
>i answered him "no, you didn't earn that" and took the money and explained that all winnings between us were communal.
you can't make a condition *after* giving someone money, so the winnings are his. you even acknowledge they're his in the title of your post. even if you had made it clear that the winnings were "communal" you'd owe him half that money.
you also suck for encouraging your gf's 18-year-old son to gamble, especially when his mother appears to have a gambling problem.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (44m) have been with my girlfriend (40f) for several years now. she has one child--a son who recently turned 18. he and i get along really well, at least for the most part. but recently he and i had our first blowout fight and i'm wondering if i was wrong. what happened was that we were returning home from a summer trip. my girlfriend decided that we should stop at a casino near the border of our home state--she enjoys gambling, maybe a little too much but that's a different post. we ended up getting a hotel room at the casino for a night. for a lot of it my girlfriend's son and i just hung out and watched a csi marathon. but eventually we ended up joining his mom on the casino floor. i gave the boy $100 and told him that he should go make me some money. eventually i met up with my girlfriend (his mother) and he came up a little later to both of us with a cash waiver for about $1,100. he looked really proud of his earnings. i told him to turn his cash for another $100 but he responded "no, i think i'll keep this." i answered him "no, you didn't earn that" and took the money and explained that all winnings between us were communal. i gave him another $100. i think that he had no claim to his gambling winnings in the first place since it came from my money. my girlfriend is actually with me on this. but her son is really mad it me right now; probably the angriest he has ever been, feeling like i stole his winnings and it's had me thinking that maybe i'm in the wrong.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (44m) have been with my girlfriend (40f) for several years now. she has one child--a son who recently turned 18. he and i get along really well, at least for the most part. but recently he and i had our first blowout fight and i'm wondering if i was wrong. what happened was that we were returning home from a summer trip. my girlfriend decided that we should stop at a casino near the border of our home state--she enjoys gambling, maybe a little too much but that's a different post. we ended up getting a hotel room at the casino for a night. for a lot of it my girlfriend's son and i just hung out and watched a csi marathon. but eventually we ended up joining his mom on the casino floor. i gave the boy $100 and told him that he should go make me some money. eventually i met up with my girlfriend (his mother) and he came up a little later to both of us with a cash waiver for about $1,100. he looked really proud of his earnings. i told him to turn his cash for another $100 but he responded "no, i think i'll keep this." i answered him "no, you didn't earn that" and took the money and explained that all winnings between us were communal. i gave him another $100. i think that he had no claim to his gambling winnings in the first place since it came from my money. my girlfriend is actually with me on this. but her son is really mad it me right now; probably the angriest he has ever been, feeling like i stole his winnings and it's had me thinking that maybe i'm in the wrong. [/INST] yta you gave the $100 to the kid with no expectation stated to pay it back. it wasn’t a loan, and even if it was, he’s a fucking kid and you should know better. you have no rights to money you gave away. </s>
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AITA for being upset about my lack of Christmas gifts?
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i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want.
my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being.
when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here.
| 14,423 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkqybz/aita_for_being_upset_about_my_lack_of_christmas/
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2020-12-26 22:04:19
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yta. your words "don't bother with anything else".
you want a ps5? you're old enough to work for it. your dad is right, you come across incredibly entitled and bratty.
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"i'm angry that my family did exactly what i asked them to."
yta.
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you literally told them that if you couldn’t have a ps5, you didn’t want anything, and they still got you two presents. you really do sound like a brat. grow up.
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yta.
i'm more amazed at the fact that you typed all this out and didn't sense the entitlement that this post is reeking with.
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yta. i get that you’re 17 and that’s young, but you literally told your parents there was only *one* acceptable gift for you, which, let’s face it, is a bit spoiled. you then got angry when they didn’t get you things you told them you didn’t want (anything *not* a ps5), which is also entitled behavior. the mature way to handle this would have been telling your parents that you’d really like a ps5, even if they couldn’t get it until after christmas, and in the meantime you would appreciate a gift card for games or anything else they thought you would like.
also to clarify, you *did* get christmas gifts; you just didn’t like what you received. huge difference.
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hey congratulations, it sounds like you have parents that actually really care about you! here's what they do that is great:
1. they actually listen when you tell them something.
2. they respect your wishes when they can reasonably do so.
3. they teach you a few lessons about how life works.
also, yta.
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yta, it's hard to believe this isn't the dad or brother making the post how can you so obviously depict yourself as an asshole and not know that you're an asshole? it's truly hard for me to believe someone so delusional exists.
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yta
you literally told them you didn't want anything if they couldn't get you a ps5 and that's exactly what happened. you can't have it both ways. you've basically learnt a hard lesson because your father is right, you were acting bratty. there's many many people that couldn't get the new consoles that came out and they just have to wait, you're no different. you got a coat and some sweets, i'd be grateful you got anything. many kids probably woke up with no presents at all yesterday.
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yta. do you know how much scalpers are selling ps5’s and xbox series x’s? i’m sorry but you, nor my children are worth a 400% mark up.
you should visit the r/stimuluscheck sub and read about how some people are stealing roasts from supermarkets just so their families can have a dinner. the fact you got a coat and candy is literally more than what some children got this year.
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yta bigtime. at 17 buy your own ps5.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want. my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being. when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) wanted a ps5. i repeatedly told my parents i wanted a ps5. my mom said they were hard to come by and asked what else i’d like. i said nothing, if i couldn’t get a ps5, then don’t bother with anything else. that’s the only thing i wanted. i may have been a little to insistent about it. come christmas morning there’s nothing for me but my favorite candy and a winter coat. i didn’t understand and asked why i only got candy and a coat. my dad said i told them i didn’t want anything else if they couldn’t get me a ps5, so they didn’t get me anything except the coat because i need it and my mom added the candy. i got upset and asked why they wouldn’t have at least tried to get me something i might want. my dad said because i was becoming a spoiled brat. i disagreed but my dad said i obviously don’t hear how i talk to people. that i’m coming across more and more bratty and that i‘m not owed anything. lots of people wanted ps5s or xbox’s and a lot of them didn’t get it. he said he could understand being mildly disappointed in not getting what i wanted, but the bratty entitled attitude had to stop. i told my dad he was being an asshole to me, and i was just disappointed they didn’t get me anything good. he said he didn’t care if i was disappointed, he was disappointed in me for how materialistic i was being. when my brother (20m) called to wish everyone a merry christmas, i told him what happened and he actually laughed and said it sounded like dad was teaching me a lesson and that i must have been acting like a real asshole for him to do that. i don’t see how i’m he asshole for being disappointed i didn’t get anything for christmas, but my dad and brother are in agreement that i am the asshole. my brother suggested i post here. [/INST] yta. your words "don't bother with anything else". you want a ps5? you're old enough to work for it. your dad is right, you come across incredibly entitled and bratty. </s>
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AITA My dad wants to marry a stranger and we have told him we will have nothing to do with her.
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my dad wants to marry someone my sister and i don’t know, 10 months after our mum died.
our dad told us on tuesday of his plans to marry someone in november. our mum, his wife of 43 years died in july 2019.
my (34f) and my sister (36f) had our dad tell us he is going to marry someone he ‘reconnected’ with in november. we live in australia and the person he is going to marry lives in england (where he and my mum were from).
my parents moved to australia 42 years ago, when they married at 19/20. my sister and i have only ever lived in aus, with just brief time in england when we were young and in our early 20s. we don’t know our aunties and uncles, except for facebook, and the brief reunions when were all in england.
our mum died in july last year after a 6 month battle with ovarian cancer. our dad told us in january that he had reconnected with an old childhood friend of theirs and some feelings were developing. he initially told us that nothing would happen for 2 years because that was when he was planning on retiring. he told us that on his already planned trip to france/uk in july, that he would be spending some time with her to see if they clicked in person. he then told us 3 days after mums birthday (feb 23) that he was going there for two weeks in march. because of rona, he was there until 6th may. he’s now back in aus but in isolation at a hotel. he called us on tuesday (2 days after mother’s day) to tell us that they are getting married in the uk in november, and he will spend christmas there, then him and his ‘wife’ will come to aus in jan, until april when he will retire and then go back to england.
my sister and i are absolutely devastated, not only that he would marry a stranger (to us) but that he would also abandon us and our families so soon after our mum died.
we have told him if he marries this stranger, that she will not be welcome in our lives, or our children’s lives.
are we the a hole?
| 5,413 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/glgecp/aita_my_dad_wants_to_marry_a_stranger_and_we_have/
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2020-05-17 14:35:30
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yta
this is about you and your grief.
he isnt abandoning you and your families, he is living his life. nothing stops you from visiting. if he decided to move to the uk alone. would you think he was abandoning you? probably not.
when you are married to someone for over 40 years and you lose them, you want to find companionship.this person isnt someone he never knew.
why not video chat and get to know her.
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super *extra* gentle yta
i am so sorry about your mom—i totally understand you’re still grieving her death, and it seems like her memory is being disrespected because your dad is getting married again so soon to someone you don’t know.
that being said, your dad is a grown man with grown children. it would be different if you and your sister were still small children. your dad has no obligations at this point except to himself. i’m sure your mom’s death was hard on him as well, and for whatever reason this new lady has helped him through the process and now he wants to marry her. this lady is a new chapter in your dads life, and she is absolutely not a replacing your mom. nobody can replace your mom. please at least try to allow him this happiness. the very best thing for you to do would be to swallow your pride, tell your dad you’re happy for him and you can’t wait to meet his new wife. you may even end up liking her.
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nah. studies show that happily married people are most likely to remarry quickly. he's not at an age where an extended courtship is appropriate. i get that this feels like a betrayal to your mother but it is not.
when my fil died my mil met a neighbor and they fell for each other. they married. it has been the best thing for both of them although the one daughter had a hard time warming up to it. otoh,when my dad died, my mother became a living tombstone for him...for 30 lonely years. you do not want this for your father.
if you love your father (it seems you do), be kind. he deserves a happy retirement and i promise he misses your mom.
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yta. you're the ones pushing him away at this point. this is a stranger to **you**. but not to him or your deceased mom. this is an old childhood friend of theirs. and he's talking about moving from a place that has both good memories and profound grief, to a new home in his childhood country. even though the relationship is relatively new, this is not brash or uncharted territory. it just isn't what you want.
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[removed]
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yta
everyone experiences grief differently. yes, 10 months seems fast but if he's lonely he's trying to fill that void. my mom remarried fairly soon after my father's passing. it's what she needed. no her husband has hunted about dating since she passed. and that's fine. because it's his life.
you kept including things like "3 days after mother's day". that makes me think you expect him to still be grieving and that he's simply not fitting your expected grieving pattern.
it's not all about you. he had emotional needs as well.
instead of ultimatums try asking him to slow down and bring her to you. get to know her. ultimatums only drive a wedge between you because he will feel bitter about the choice and you will feel bitter if he doesn't fall in line.
just accept that he's a grown man and gets to make his own decisions. and don't write off sometime who could be a lovely person simply because this doesn't fit your ideal of what grief should be.
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yta. your dad lost his wife of 43 years in a very painful way and is so lucky to have found someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with now that she's gone. you can have concerns, but you are making it all about you and throwing a tantrum because he's not planning the rest of his life around your needs. you're grown, time to act like it. she's not a stranger to him-- go meet her, get to know her and don't ditch your dad because he found a way to be happy.
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yta
he deserves happiness and deserves to move on. i understand you’re grieving but don’t take it out on him. it’s not like she’ll be your actual mother or anything.
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yta. i think your grief is making you act quite rashly. the idea that you think your father is abandoning you, when he's a man in his 60s who's just trying to reconnect and find love again, that's seems like such an overreaction. i understand that you are grieving, but so is he. it's your mother, but his wife. he misses her, and wants to be happy. unless you have some reason to believe that this woman is out for money, or that they were having an affair, cutting him out of your life (making *you* the one who's abandoning him, not the other way around) makes no sense.
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i’m kind of amazed by how many aggressive and rude comments there are here. yeah he’s a grown man and can do what he wants but he’s also got a responsibility to his children, no matter how old they are, to not make their grieving process for their mother any harder than it needs to be. he doesn’t need to up and change everything so drastically and immediately during such a delicate time. no doubt op feels like she has lost both her parents and dad has made that worse by not communicating properly or making it easier for his daughters to feel included in huge life changing decisions. and frankly the woman sounds like an absolute rebound.
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad wants to marry someone my sister and i don’t know, 10 months after our mum died. our dad told us on tuesday of his plans to marry someone in november. our mum, his wife of 43 years died in july 2019. my (34f) and my sister (36f) had our dad tell us he is going to marry someone he ‘reconnected’ with in november. we live in australia and the person he is going to marry lives in england (where he and my mum were from). my parents moved to australia 42 years ago, when they married at 19/20. my sister and i have only ever lived in aus, with just brief time in england when we were young and in our early 20s. we don’t know our aunties and uncles, except for facebook, and the brief reunions when were all in england. our mum died in july last year after a 6 month battle with ovarian cancer. our dad told us in january that he had reconnected with an old childhood friend of theirs and some feelings were developing. he initially told us that nothing would happen for 2 years because that was when he was planning on retiring. he told us that on his already planned trip to france/uk in july, that he would be spending some time with her to see if they clicked in person. he then told us 3 days after mums birthday (feb 23) that he was going there for two weeks in march. because of rona, he was there until 6th may. he’s now back in aus but in isolation at a hotel. he called us on tuesday (2 days after mother’s day) to tell us that they are getting married in the uk in november, and he will spend christmas there, then him and his ‘wife’ will come to aus in jan, until april when he will retire and then go back to england. my sister and i are absolutely devastated, not only that he would marry a stranger (to us) but that he would also abandon us and our families so soon after our mum died. we have told him if he marries this stranger, that she will not be welcome in our lives, or our children’s lives. are we the a hole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my dad wants to marry someone my sister and i don’t know, 10 months after our mum died. our dad told us on tuesday of his plans to marry someone in november. our mum, his wife of 43 years died in july 2019. my (34f) and my sister (36f) had our dad tell us he is going to marry someone he ‘reconnected’ with in november. we live in australia and the person he is going to marry lives in england (where he and my mum were from). my parents moved to australia 42 years ago, when they married at 19/20. my sister and i have only ever lived in aus, with just brief time in england when we were young and in our early 20s. we don’t know our aunties and uncles, except for facebook, and the brief reunions when were all in england. our mum died in july last year after a 6 month battle with ovarian cancer. our dad told us in january that he had reconnected with an old childhood friend of theirs and some feelings were developing. he initially told us that nothing would happen for 2 years because that was when he was planning on retiring. he told us that on his already planned trip to france/uk in july, that he would be spending some time with her to see if they clicked in person. he then told us 3 days after mums birthday (feb 23) that he was going there for two weeks in march. because of rona, he was there until 6th may. he’s now back in aus but in isolation at a hotel. he called us on tuesday (2 days after mother’s day) to tell us that they are getting married in the uk in november, and he will spend christmas there, then him and his ‘wife’ will come to aus in jan, until april when he will retire and then go back to england. my sister and i are absolutely devastated, not only that he would marry a stranger (to us) but that he would also abandon us and our families so soon after our mum died. we have told him if he marries this stranger, that she will not be welcome in our lives, or our children’s lives. are we the a hole? [/INST] yta this is about you and your grief. he isnt abandoning you and your families, he is living his life. nothing stops you from visiting. if he decided to move to the uk alone. would you think he was abandoning you? probably not. when you are married to someone for over 40 years and you lose them, you want to find companionship.this person isnt someone he never knew. why not video chat and get to know her. </s>
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AITA for walking out after a boss tried to refuse to accept my resignation?
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i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him.
i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left.
a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita?
| 27,854 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5o8e8/aita_for_walking_out_after_a_boss_tried_to_refuse/
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2020-10-05 17:53:29
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nta. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy that your former boss did not deserve.
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nta. the way your former boss responded to your giving notice made my skin crawl. you were right not to accept his condescension and harassment. go enjoy your new, better job.
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nta. he can't refuse your resignation.
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nta, that's not just disrespectful on his part, that's also sexual harassment. then him telling you since he won't accept it you can't leave, is horribly creepy as well
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nta. resigning is not "asking permission" to leave, it's letting them know that you're leaving and what day you will stop turning up. barring the military and certain other rare exceptions you can walk out any time you want, whether he chooses to "accept" it or not.
the only time i knew of a boss refusing a resignation was a place i worked where the teenage son of a woman who had worked there for years, and had got him a temporary job over christmas, was caught stealing. she handed in her resignation the next day and the boss told here he wasn't accepting it, no one blamed her or thought any less of her, it was just a stupid teenage thing. she stayed, and happily stayed for years after.
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you're nta at all. you tried to do the right thing, he didn't accept it, called you condescending names, and try to deny your autonomy.
sleep well knowing you're away from this monster. you did the best thing you could considering the circumstances.
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nta.
you did what you were supposed to do. you gave him notice and he refused to accept it. were you supposed to continue working there because he said you couldn't quit? everyone who is saying yta is delusional.
congrats on your new position!
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info: what was his plan? like, he would say no and you would tell the other job "sorry, i'm stuck here."
you're 100% nta but damn i am curious.
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> “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.”
employees hate this one trick!
nta
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nta to me. you tried to do it the "right" way, and he was a jerk about it. so, you did what you had to do.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him. i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left. a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had a boss who was a real turd. he labored under the delusion he was an excellent boss and couldn’t put together that his behavior and the crappy pay was why he had such a hard time keeping employees. he also thought it was acceptable to call his female employees hun, sweetie, and sugar. he was a condescending asswipe who consistently passed over more qualified women for promotions in favor of promoting less qualified men. i had to stay until i could find a better job because i enjoy eating, and couldn’t afford to leave unless i had something else. i got an interview with a competitor who hired me on making more than i made with him. i turned in my two weeks and he said “oh sweetie, you know you can’t leave.” i said i absolutely am leaving. he got the smuggest look on his face and said “well, i’m not accepting this, sugar. guess you’re here to stay.” i got so furious and decided that was it. i said “well screw this then, i quit. effective immediately.” called my new job, explained what happened in front of him as he sat there slack jawed and agreed start the next day. i packed my stuff and left. a former coworker said it was an asshole thing for me to just up and quit on the spot, but if he refused to accept the resignation he could easily have tried to screw me over when my last day did come. my new boss says he deserved it and i’m not the asshole for quitting like i did. my boyfriend says he can see how other employees might feel like i was an asshole by making them cover my absence, but sees how i’m not the asshole for walking out of that toxic environment. so just because i’m curious, i thought i’d ask here. aita? [/INST] nta. 2 weeks notice is a courtesy that your former boss did not deserve. </s>
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AITA for calling my SIL cruel for excluding her brother (My Husband) from her upcoming wedding?
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my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences.
my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago.
sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince.
now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude.
| 7,750 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t6pivu/aita_for_calling_my_sil_cruel_for_excluding_her/
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2022-03-04 18:29:45
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yta. that’s not something to joke about. i know the mental distress of a person who is the recipient of cruel “jokes” like that. your husband is an ah for thinking that was a funny joke, you’re an ah for thinking your sil is cruel… essentially agreeing with your ah husband. you both sound toxic and i don’t blame sil for cutting you both out.
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you and your husband are raging assholes.. totally yta
when people say the line of "oh its just a prank", you know deep down they are assholes as they are trying to cover up being dicks to people by trying the "calm down its a joke" bit.
as much as you want to try and cover for him, he absolutly had malicious intent towards his sister for traumatizing her for many many years
"com'on man, its just a joke"
f off with that shit
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>and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night
hahahahahaha!!! omg i can't stop laughing at that one! i'm gonna go tell everyone i know how funny this was!
(oh by the way my actual brother died in an actual accident , so it's even more thigh-slappingly funny for me!)
yeah yta and you know it. and he's the biggest ah of all. that poor bride is probably terrified what will happen to her car, house, friends, or pets while he's banned from the wedding and desperate to play another hilarious prank. i hope she's got security all around her wedding, home and possessions.
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yta - your husband isn’t a „jokester“, he‘s an infantile bully and you know it.
he has proven time and time again that he can’t be trusted.
he brought this on himself and no one else is at fault but him.
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it'll be okay, op.
after the wedding has happened, your sil can tell your husband it was just a prank not to invite him and he'll stop being upset about it. that's how that works, right? it's fine if he was upset by it, because it was just a prank.
yta.
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yta.
hard to swallow pill: what your hubby and your call pranks and teasing, were actually bullying, and she's completely in her right to tell you both you're not invited. you are not the victims here.
hubby fucked around and found out.
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yta and so is your husband.
he's been tormenting her for years. i'm glad she go the courage to tell him and his "pranks" to fuck off.
pranks are only funny if all involved are laughing. otherwise it's bullying. your husband is a bully.
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[deleted]
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yta. it sounds like you've been making excuses for your husband's behavior for a long time, to the point where you think that what he does, and how he treats people, is normal.
there will come a time in your life when you look around and realize that there are very few people left. you will have spent many of your best years making excuses and arguing away your husband's behavior, telling people to "lighten up" and that it's "just a joke" while refusing to acknowledge that they are real people that he has hurt.
doesn't it get exhausting, having to make excuses for him?
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yta
honestly, the difference between a prank and abuse is the impact it has on the victim. traumatizing someone as a prank is not okay.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences. my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago. sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince. now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with sil growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences. my husband is a jokester, sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together, she claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago. sil got engaged 2 momths ago and invited my husband and me. unfortunately, my husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. he was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. my sil yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince. now her wedding is comping up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. she bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but i thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top. and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. she said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him. i was stunned i called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. she asked that i respect her choice but i said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding. she ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. i found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. my husband started crying when i told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude. [/INST] yta. that’s not something to joke about. i know the mental distress of a person who is the recipient of cruel “jokes” like that. your husband is an ah for thinking that was a funny joke, you’re an ah for thinking your sil is cruel… essentially agreeing with your ah husband. you both sound toxic and i don’t blame sil for cutting you both out. </s>
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AITA for giving my part of the inheritance to my brother when my sister needs it for her IVF?
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my (34m) father (65m) died a few months ago and his estate is now being divided between me and my two siblings.
i have enough money and don't really need the inheritance. my siblings and i were talking about the money hat is supposed to be divided 3 ways.
i'm childless, my brother (33m) has 3 small kids and my sister ( 41f) has been trying for a baby for over a decade now.
i told them since i don't need the money, i'm thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money. my sister asked if i could instead give it to her for her last round of ivf (that would cost her share + my share of the inheritance) as it's her lsst chance to have a baby.
i told her i'm sorry, but our brother doesn't have much money and has 3 kids depending on him, so i feel that it's better he gets my money. she asked me if my brother's kids are more important than hers and i said "well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary".
she was very hurt, called me an ah for 1) not helping her out and 2) insulting her and belittling her struggles.
| 18,617 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vhcihx/aita_for_giving_my_part_of_the_inheritance_to_my/
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2022-06-21 12:45:27
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nta
you could have worded that to your sister a little nicer, but you're not wrong.
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infertility is really, really hard. finding out you’re not pregnant *again* is devastating. even worse if you get pregnant and miscarry. i feel for your sister and what she’s going through.
but there are three young children who need food, clothes, a roof over their head, warmth, enrichment. three birthdays a year and three lots of presents at christmas. three pairs of feet that outgrow their shoes in the blink of an eye. three actual real human being who are already here and need to be taken care of.
it’s incredibly selfish of your sister to demand the money for another round of ivf (that will likely end in more heartbreak anyway) when your brother’s family needs it way more.
nta
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nta but dude ... learn to keep your mouth shut about what you do with your money. you could have just quietly given it to your brother and kept it between the 2 of you. so that was an ah way to go about this. but in general, don't talk about your money with anyone, especially family who feel entitled to it.
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one word kinda screwed you over. you should have said "potential" instead of "imaginary". other than that, i agree with you.
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nta. your brother has kids here now that need to be supported, and letting them struggle because she wants to have a baby isn’t right. if you wanted to be “fair” you could divide it between them and then there’s no hard feelings, or you can go as far as setting up savings accounts for each of the children already here for college or car fund when they’re older. that way you aren’t giving it to either sibling and the kids still benefit.
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ok look. you’re nta for wanting to give the money to your brother but yta for the way you said it to her. imaginary? this woman is struggling with infertility. it’s a physical, emotional, and mental struggle and takes a huge toll on anyone struggling with it. please be kind.
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nta. call me cynical or agest, but at 41 she'd better think about adopting a pre-teen or teenager, than trying to get pregnant. living kids definitely take priority.
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nta.
your wording to your sister was too harsh, but it’s your money. she had no right to demand it, especially when she received an equal inheritance from your father.
you choosing to help your struggling brother and his three actual kids is not cruel to your sister. i understand her pain and despair, but sometimes the universe is trying to lead us in another direction and we’re too intent on our own perceived desires to listen to the universe.
so, yeah. you were rude to your sister’s rude request, but you did not do anything wrong to give the money to your brother.
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nta. after ten years of trying, i’d quit wasting money on ivf and just foster some kids. i agree. focus on the living. i hate to say it but if it hasn’t happened for ten years it probably won’t happen this time around either. some people can’t have their own kids. i think you could have been nicer about it but i don’t think your in the wrong here op.
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100% yta for how you delivered this. you can give the money to whomever you want but saying giving money towards fertility treatments (for someone who’s trying for a decade!) is supporting “imaginary children” is just dickish for no reason whatsoever. i also doubt this is a real post because i want to believe no one is this tone deaf.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (34m) father (65m) died a few months ago and his estate is now being divided between me and my two siblings. i have enough money and don't really need the inheritance. my siblings and i were talking about the money hat is supposed to be divided 3 ways. i'm childless, my brother (33m) has 3 small kids and my sister ( 41f) has been trying for a baby for over a decade now. i told them since i don't need the money, i'm thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money. my sister asked if i could instead give it to her for her last round of ivf (that would cost her share + my share of the inheritance) as it's her lsst chance to have a baby. i told her i'm sorry, but our brother doesn't have much money and has 3 kids depending on him, so i feel that it's better he gets my money. she asked me if my brother's kids are more important than hers and i said "well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary". she was very hurt, called me an ah for 1) not helping her out and 2) insulting her and belittling her struggles.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (34m) father (65m) died a few months ago and his estate is now being divided between me and my two siblings. i have enough money and don't really need the inheritance. my siblings and i were talking about the money hat is supposed to be divided 3 ways. i'm childless, my brother (33m) has 3 small kids and my sister ( 41f) has been trying for a baby for over a decade now. i told them since i don't need the money, i'm thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money. my sister asked if i could instead give it to her for her last round of ivf (that would cost her share + my share of the inheritance) as it's her lsst chance to have a baby. i told her i'm sorry, but our brother doesn't have much money and has 3 kids depending on him, so i feel that it's better he gets my money. she asked me if my brother's kids are more important than hers and i said "well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary". she was very hurt, called me an ah for 1) not helping her out and 2) insulting her and belittling her struggles. [/INST] nta you could have worded that to your sister a little nicer, but you're not wrong. </s>
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AITA for getting my daughter lip injections?
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i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter.
my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has.
my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up.
we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face.
when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants.
of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita?
| 16,308 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fgg4k4/aita_for_getting_my_daughter_lip_injections/
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2020-03-10 16:05:16
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yta. for not *talking to the other parent,* because avoiding difficult conversations is a deeply immature thing to do, especially when it involves your daughter.
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yta for not clearing it with her father first, knowing full well he was against it. the girl’s gonna be an adult in less than a year, you could have waited and avoided this.
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esh but mainly you for not talking to your daughters father (aka her primary guardian) about this. it’s pretty disrespectful that you didn’t at least consult him about it. her father sucks as well but only for saying that you destroyed your daughters face, which couldnt help her confidence. but i would say 99% yta
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esh
this should have been a discussion with your ex because it’s a big decision and you’re coparenting.
he sucks for saying you ruined her face when she wanted the procedure done and likely likes it
i wouldn’t worry too much about visitation if she’s 17, custody pretty much doesn’t matter once she’s an adult
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yta, you did this behind her father's back(who is her primary caregiver) and while she's a minor. that alone makes yta.
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if you were going to pay for it and find a good doctor, you could have told your daughter of your plans and asked her to wait until she is a legal adult to get the lip injections.
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nta she’s 17 and if she’s been this serious about it for 7 years now i doubt it’ll change in 12 more months.
i do agree that you should have told her father first but he’s completely wrong for saying you “ruined her face”
(as far as i know) most lip fillers go down after a while so it’s not like it’ll be that that for forever
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oh, this should be good.
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nta i am going against the grain here. i completely understand everyone's logic on saying you are the asshole. it isn't a good idea to really encourage plastic surgery on kids, but there is a point where i get it. i'm sure you and her father have told her since she was 12 she is beautiful the way she is.
some people are saying to teach her to 'deal with bullying.' i'm not sure those people were every bullied for something they cannot help. also, when since is it the victims problem to deal with it? this is something that has probably been addressed by teachers before. this doesn't stop the nicknames or the damage already done. when i was a kid, i was bullied for the long dark hair on my arms. told if i shaved it i'd look more feminine. so i did. even as adult i still do, and i won't let them grow out. i have that option to change that though. nobody stopped me from shaving. nobody stops girls from putting on way to much make-up, straightening their hair, or coloring their hair.
you made a controversial decision. i absolutely understand why many would be against it. however, it is a reversible process and it was done by a good doctor. otherwise, she probably would have started doing that terrible kylie jenner lip challenge or something.
she was going to do it as soon as she turned 18 anyways. with that kind of savings, we know that. you just made sure it was done right.
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yta - from what you said either you have joint custody or he has custody and you have visitation
she’s still a minor and you should’ve discussed it with him prior
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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YTA
| 0.320187 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter. my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has. my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up. we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face. when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants. of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i would like others to give me their opinion on this situation. a lot of people are angry with me but i think at the end of the day i did this to help my daughter. my daughter is seventeen years old. she turned seventeen in february. since she was around ten, she has been complaining about her lips. she inherited her fathers thin lips. they are a great shape, but they are thin. she has been bullied for it for ages. she has come crying to me about it several times. i thought she would get over it as she got older, but she never has. my daughter lives with her father and step mother full time because i travel for work. but when i am in town, she tends to stay with me for weeks at a time. we are very close. two weeks ago she confided in me that she had been saving money for lip injections for two years now. she had a lot of money saved up. we had a heart to heart about it and i decided to go ahead and pay for her to get them from a good doctor. i signed the consent forms and we did it. she is very happy with them, she loves them. they have really balanced out her face. when it was time for me to leave for work again, i took her back to her father’s. he flipped it. he started yelling at both of us and claiming that we destroyed her face. i apologized to him for not clearing it with him, but it was because i knew that he would say no. this was something she has really wanted for a long time. he argues that she is a child and doesn’t know what she wants. of course he has spread the news of the lip injections to several family members. they think that it is shameful that i would take my daughter to get plastic surgery and are urging him to limit my visitation (probably not going to happen). i think that they just do not empathize with my daughter and are excited to shame me for letting her get the most minor plastic surgery. she would have gotten it herself anyway, i just wanted to make sure it was done correctly. aita? [/INST] yta. for not *talking to the other parent,* because avoiding difficult conversations is a deeply immature thing to do, especially when it involves your daughter. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my sister play with our Switch after she failed to make payments on it?
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basically my sister (14f) and i (20f) wanted a nintendo switch, but it costs a lot of money to get one so we decided to split the cost. overall the switch + games + accessories cost about $420 (ayyy) and as i have a job and i’m older, i agreed to paying for most of it ($300).
we gave ourselves about 3 months to save up money, but by the end of it, my sister didn’t have enough for her $120 share (she was always spending money and hanging out with her friends.)
but i still wanted a switch so i said i would cover her as long as she paid me back via artwork and drawings. she’s a great artist and she does do commissions, so we agreed that i would pay for her and in exchange, she would create 3-4 drawings for me.
so we bought the switch back in january and we both use it. anyhow, i asked her to draw me a portrait of my friend for her birthday, nothing too strenuous, asked her 3 weeks in advance and gave her all the info she needed. she never delivered and i was angry, but i just bought my friend another present last minute so i wasn’t too upset.
anyhow fast forward to february and she did the same thing. then more recently, i asked if she could draw a character i liked from a tv show and she just straight up told me that she didn’t want to, that she never wanted to, that she didn’t know why i kept asking her to draw shit and that i was not entitled to her drawings.
i reminded her that her drawing for me was literally apart of the deal we had on the nintendo switch but she said it’s been months since we got it so we should just drop it.
so i did just that and now i’m refusing to let her play the switch, of course she’s angry but i said it was technically my switch now since i paid for it 100%. i brought it up to my mom and she said i need to be the bigger person here (figuratively and literally) and share it with my sister. aita in this situation?
# edit and
| 18,004 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g2c1wp/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_sister_play_with_our/
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2020-04-16 09:54:42
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nta yes i see the age difference but at the same time, you paid for it in full because she didn't save. offered a deal to your sister as payment for her part. she chose not to fulfill the deal so why should you be forced to stay committed to it? (
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nta. sure she's 14 but that doesn't mean she's entitled to your stuff where you've spent the time and effort to earn and save.
there was an agreement, and she failed to keep it. you tried to compromise, and she threw it back in your face. 14 is a good time to start learning about saving money, keeping to your promises etc.
she could have saved money via allowances and spent less money on going out, but she chose not to.
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nta when i was 14 and wanted a ps3, i had to have my pocket and birthday money for it. 14 is old enough to learn about saving money for bigger things you want. you made a very good deal for her with her paintings and she didn't follow up. she has to learn, that she is not entiteld to stuff she didn't do shit for.
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nta. your mom only wants you to be the bigger person so it’s easier for *her*. your sister didn’t pay, she doesn’t get to go on the switch.
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nta. tbh reading the subject i thought y-t-a the. reading the post changed my mind. you made a reasonable deal were your sister only needed to make a little effort for reward. she wont get far in life without putting effort in for reward so worth her learning that from you.
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nta, if anything she's the ah. she agreed to do something in exchange for use of your stuff. that's considered a verbal agreement which by her voluntarily breaking said agreement gives her no leg to stand on. it's yours to do with what you please. she should be grateful to you for teaching her a valuable life lesson. that do what you say you're going to do or agree to do. she shouldn't feel untitled to something she didn't put anything off value towards.
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nta, you both made the agreement. even if she's 14 she needs to learn to work for things, your parents are unfortunately enablers. this would be the perfect time to teach about holding out to promises and trying to save money for bigger goals. instead they settled to call you out, for doing nothing wrong except holding out to the end of your bargain.
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nta! it's literally your switch, you can do what you want with it. she's been lucky to have a sister who would let her pay with her drawings, and if she doesn't do her share, you shouldn't let her use it.
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nta your sister needs to a) learn to work for things and b) learn to keep her word. mum should not be enabling this kind of behaviour, if your sister wants to have access to the switch she can simply respect what you two agreed on and pay her part of it, either in drawings or money.
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nta
she’s not a baby. she thought she could get her way and she’s mad when she learned that’s not how the world works.
she’s lucky you let her do drawings as payment but she still felt entitled to not do that and also play on it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically my sister (14f) and i (20f) wanted a nintendo switch, but it costs a lot of money to get one so we decided to split the cost. overall the switch + games + accessories cost about $420 (ayyy) and as i have a job and i’m older, i agreed to paying for most of it ($300). we gave ourselves about 3 months to save up money, but by the end of it, my sister didn’t have enough for her $120 share (she was always spending money and hanging out with her friends.) but i still wanted a switch so i said i would cover her as long as she paid me back via artwork and drawings. she’s a great artist and she does do commissions, so we agreed that i would pay for her and in exchange, she would create 3-4 drawings for me. so we bought the switch back in january and we both use it. anyhow, i asked her to draw me a portrait of my friend for her birthday, nothing too strenuous, asked her 3 weeks in advance and gave her all the info she needed. she never delivered and i was angry, but i just bought my friend another present last minute so i wasn’t too upset. anyhow fast forward to february and she did the same thing. then more recently, i asked if she could draw a character i liked from a tv show and she just straight up told me that she didn’t want to, that she never wanted to, that she didn’t know why i kept asking her to draw shit and that i was not entitled to her drawings. i reminded her that her drawing for me was literally apart of the deal we had on the nintendo switch but she said it’s been months since we got it so we should just drop it. so i did just that and now i’m refusing to let her play the switch, of course she’s angry but i said it was technically my switch now since i paid for it 100%. i brought it up to my mom and she said i need to be the bigger person here (figuratively and literally) and share it with my sister. aita in this situation? # edit and
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically my sister (14f) and i (20f) wanted a nintendo switch, but it costs a lot of money to get one so we decided to split the cost. overall the switch + games + accessories cost about $420 (ayyy) and as i have a job and i’m older, i agreed to paying for most of it ($300). we gave ourselves about 3 months to save up money, but by the end of it, my sister didn’t have enough for her $120 share (she was always spending money and hanging out with her friends.) but i still wanted a switch so i said i would cover her as long as she paid me back via artwork and drawings. she’s a great artist and she does do commissions, so we agreed that i would pay for her and in exchange, she would create 3-4 drawings for me. so we bought the switch back in january and we both use it. anyhow, i asked her to draw me a portrait of my friend for her birthday, nothing too strenuous, asked her 3 weeks in advance and gave her all the info she needed. she never delivered and i was angry, but i just bought my friend another present last minute so i wasn’t too upset. anyhow fast forward to february and she did the same thing. then more recently, i asked if she could draw a character i liked from a tv show and she just straight up told me that she didn’t want to, that she never wanted to, that she didn’t know why i kept asking her to draw shit and that i was not entitled to her drawings. i reminded her that her drawing for me was literally apart of the deal we had on the nintendo switch but she said it’s been months since we got it so we should just drop it. so i did just that and now i’m refusing to let her play the switch, of course she’s angry but i said it was technically my switch now since i paid for it 100%. i brought it up to my mom and she said i need to be the bigger person here (figuratively and literally) and share it with my sister. aita in this situation? # edit and [/INST] nta yes i see the age difference but at the same time, you paid for it in full because she didn't save. offered a deal to your sister as payment for her part. she chose not to fulfill the deal so why should you be forced to stay committed to it? ( </s>
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AITA for calling my body-positive co-worker "unhealthy, deluded, and bitter" after some rude comments she made about me?
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i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors.
however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment.
these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy.
finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit.
she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.
| 27,612 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d31cjt/aita_for_calling_my_bodypositive_coworker/
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2019-09-12 02:29:22
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nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours.
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nta, i was expecting this to be an everyone sucks situation, but she really crossed the line many many times before you said anything. she deserves it.
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very close, but nta. she pushed and pushed and pushed until you snapped. while your comments were harsh, i think she did enough to deserve them.
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i'm going to go with a soft esh -- but her way more than you.
she was being consistently mean for a long time, and i understand why you just got to a tipping point. and the comment when the boy left was way out of line and just plain mean.
calling her out on her hypocrisy was fair. calling her out on her eating habits, workouts (or lack thereof) and body was not. she was mean to you, and you got fed up and were mean back.
even if i get why, and she was way worse, you still weren't nice.
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nta. weight is one of those things you leave alone. people are *well aware* of their weight. it's completely rude and inappropriate to bring it up.
and if she's gonna dish it out she needs to learn to also suck it up when it comes her way. also commenting on your face plant trying fir that guy? super tacky and rude.
i've argued with my mom about this for years, she keeps bringing up my sisters weight and i keep telling her to mind her own business.
she likes to try and frame it as being concerned, but i've told her multiple times it's not her body, it's none of her business and to only talk about it when my sister brings it up.
and yet my mom still starts fights about it.
tldr - no one besides a certified doctor is entitled to comment on someone's weight.
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esh. obviously her behavior toward you has been repeatedly inappropriate. but you waited and waited and then finally blew up at her. you should have been honest with her a long time ago and nipped this situation in the bud by simply saying, “i’m not comfortable with you remarking on how my body looks. don’t do it any more.”
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why do i feel like i read this scenario before? maybe it's just me but there are a lot of these "overweight person said something mean so i called them fat"-posts out there.
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esh
she's out of line for her comments, but you lost the high ground when you shamed her for her eating habits etc.
"i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors." other people's lifestyles are none of your business. this kind of attitude does nothing to steer anyone toward a healthy lifestyle, it just makes those who fail to live up to your standards feel worse.
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nta. ‘body positivity’ =\= ‘real women have curves.’ real women come in many different types. a little bit ta for shaming her back, but people say cruel shit when they’re arguing like that.
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nta, i'm all for body positivity and i understand skinny people have it "easier" than others, but i'm also tired of people thinking they can insult the hell out of me until it's borderline abusive, but it's okay because i'm thin. fuck that. you're justified.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm currently working part-time at a restaurant on my university's campus. i mostly work shifts with this one girl, we'll call her 'anna', who is all for the body-positivity movement. she embraces her body type and regularly posts inspiring quotes or images on her social media accounts. personally, i have nothing against this at all. i am also in full support of treating and accepting everyone no matter their body type. however, i do believe that everyone should be healthy (eating right, exercising, taking care of their mental health, etc) or at least attempting to be. i don't support those who use the body positivity movement to as a cloak to shield and justify their unhealthy and damaging behaviors. however, despite being a "supporter," anna regularly comments on my body type. for example, i always bring food for my shifts since i personally think the food there is not the healthiest (burgers, fries, more fried food, etc.). anna will often say things like, "you should eat a burger, you could use a few extra pounds honey!" or "you look skinnier than last week. i told you to stop eating salads everyday haha." she'll sometimes even feign concern for me and ask me in private if i was "struggling with my weight" and then proceed to tell me that i look "way too skinny to be healthy." one time i was changing into my work shirt in the back and anna saw my stomach and commented that my stomach was starting to "look like a man's." i have no idea what that even means but i doubt it was a compliment. these hypocritical comments have pissed me off. i enjoy eating healthy and cooking my own meals and i enjoy working out and staying toned. anna on the other hand gorges herself on the food in our restaurant, drinks about three cans of coke per shift and does not work out. i don't think this is healthy. finally, during yesterday's shift, this guy i kinda like came in to get some food and i was super excited to see him. he turned out to be a bit cold towards me and the whole event was a bit anti-climactic. oh well. anna witnessed the whole thing and after he left, she said, "maybe he's into curvier girls." i basically blew up at her and called her out for all of her hypocrisy. i asked how she could call herself a supporter of body positivity when she regularly shamed my body. then i told her that she was unhealthy in many ways (i called her out on her eating habits), bitter and jealous of others who are in control of their health and bodies, and deluded for believing that she is healthy and fit. she called me insecure and told me i was being a rude bitch. it was reaching the end of our shift so i clocked out early and left so i didn't have to argue with her more. i was mad for a bit and told one of my best friends. she said that i was right and all but that i was insensitive in the way i brought it up and suggested that i apologize. i'm standing my ground but want to hear other opinions as well. [/INST] nta for someone who's supposed to be body-positive, she's real selective about what bodies get to have positivity. if she didn't want shit thrown back at her about her body, maybe she shouldn't have badgered you about yours. </s>
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WIBTA if I change my wifi password, making it impossible for a kid to not be able to attend her classes?
| 26,380 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jsx9kl/wibta_if_i_change_my_wifi_password_making_it/
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2020-11-12 16:07:18
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nta
how about letting shanaya over during the day for class and manually putting in and erasing the password for her? if she doesn’t know then she can’t tell
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nta - don’t tell her the password and just put it in for her. or set it to something not easily rememberable. that way she can’t be forced to tell them it since she doesn’t know it. you’re being kind for helping her when it’s her parents responsibility to provide schooling for her even in these hard times. it’s not fair that they abuse your kindness and hurt your daughters schooling. especially since it also harms you and their own daughter.
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compromise solution: change the password. have shanaya come to your home with her laptop. connect her laptop to your wifi without letting her know what the password is. then let her take the computer back home.
she should be able to connect to your network no problem, and it would be pretty much impossible for her parents to extract your password info from her.
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[deleted]
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ywnbta
you are free to use the internet the you pay for however you see fit. if your neighbors are taking advantage of you trying to help a child out, preventing you from using the internet, that’s on them, not you.
however, what i would do is change the password, then log in yourself on the neighbor girl’s computer, using the new password. no one else will know it, because you entered it yourself.
you’ll still be able to help this girl, like you want to, and she won’t be forced to give your password by her ah parents.
or, just change the password outright, and be done with it. again, her ah parents and your ah neighbors are in the wrong here, not you
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[deleted]
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nta- there’s tons of programs right now for students to access free wifi for learning. cut the cord.
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this is not a question of being an asshole, it is a question of doing what you need to do. you indicate that you are not in a position to pay for a service for more devices and you must first ensure that your child can do her school work.
bear in mind, that if the neighbor's daughter is routinely unable to attend virtual school that should start a chain of events through the district that will likely result in free internet for her household.
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nta. you did a really kind thing for someone in need and they took advantage of your kindness.
but, if you're a little computer savvy, you should be able set your connection to only allow selected devices to connect (shanaya's computer and the devices in your household).
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nta - you seem like a nice person.
first of all; it's critical you stop letting other people use your internet connection without strict controls. imagine the worst case scenario: shanaya gives the password to a relative that uses it to plan a terrorist attack or buy drugs on the darkweb or download illegal pornography. that network traffic comes from your home, the fbi / dhs / dea / atf etc. busts down your door, shoots your dog or worse, takes all your computers and you end up in an insane legal battle to try to prove your innocence.
so at a minimum this has to stop. if you want to continue giving just shanaya access then there's better ways to accomplish that:
low tech solution: change the password; enter it for shanaya as needed but don't actually tell her what it is.
pros: easy. cons: not that hard to figure out what the password is, and does nothing to stop shanaya from using it for non-school activities.
medium tech solution: change the password. then create a list of the mac addresses of any whitelisted devices on your router and block access to all but the whitelisted devices. add all of your household's devices and shanaya's computer.
pros: better network security overall. cons: a bit tedious to identify every device in your home that needs wifi access (every phone, printer, smart device, computer, tv, etc). also doesn't stop shanaya from using your network on her device after school hours.
highest tech solution: change the password. then make a totally new guest network. figure out a way to create a whitelist that only lets shanaya's computer on the guest network and has a separate password and lets you set time limits for access. block all domains that aren't whitelisted (those needed for her schoolwork). these features may or may not be available on your specific router so you might need a new router. there might be ways to add this functionality to a router that doesn't have that baked in but that's beyond me.
pros: shanaya doesn't get access to your other devices, as they won't be on the guest network. shanaya can share the password, but it only works for her computer even if she does. she can only go to websites that you approve. finally you can set it to work only during school hours. cons: complex to setup, might need new networking equipment, could be difficult to manage the network moving forward if you don't know what you are doing.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta how about letting shanaya over during the day for class and manually putting in and erasing the password for her? if she doesn’t know then she can’t tell </s>
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AITA for continuing to call my teacher by her first name when she refers to me by my last name?
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my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name.
edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s.
| 23,480 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcvwmo/aita_for_continuing_to_call_my_teacher_by_her/
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2019-10-03 19:37:13
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nta - thats very out of line for someone with authority over you. maybe talk to someone higher than her at the school about it?
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nta but report her to the principal or something. seems like the only person getting hurt here is you
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nta she’s being disrespectful of you. it’s not up to her to approve or disapprove of your name. have your parents talked about it with her or the principal? she sounds like a real piece of work.
edit to change judgment.
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info
how has administration not gotten involved to settled this once and for all yet?
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nta. shes crazy, to actually tell you she doesn't like your name and to cross it out is absolutely insane. i'd be talking to the principal about that. her fixation on your name is not only bizarre and creepy but unprofessional.
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nta
it's utterly unprofessional of her to discriminate your preferred name and in such case she's the asshole. but, you've probably noticed your tactic hasn't worked so far, and it's just fuelling her immature behaviour.
as others have already suggested, refer to her superiors.
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nta, but make sure she knows *why* you’re doing it. if for some reason she’s not connecting dots in her head she could see it as genuine disrespect. (she’d also be an idiot, but i digress) i’d also consider talking about it with school administrators, they probably won’t agree with the retaliation but could help you make her understand you feel disrespected in her classroom.
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nta
nope nope nope nope nope. absolutely not. as a teacher myself kids \[in good fun\] like to mess with my last name - in response i will **always** call them by their given name instead of by the nickname they'd prefer \[think joey versus joseph so an example would be "hey mr. egnardo", "oh, hi joseph!" they learn really freaking quick that if they want their name to be said properly they can't screw with other people's names. frankly there comes a point where i would bring this up with someone over the teacher's head.
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nta
your teacher is disrespecting you. is your name an ethnic name (from your ethnic group)? if so, you can potentially make a stink about this as a form of discriminatory behavior on her part. assuming you’re in a public school, can you report this to someone working for the school district or complain to officials in the city?
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nta
logically, i wouldn't totally disagree if someone said "everyone sucks here" b/c you're retaliating in your own way but the power imbalance really pivots this to your teacher being the a-hole. i mean, *crossing out your first name*?! saying your name is *weird*?! those are just straight up dick moves. eff her. that kind of pettiness and abuse of power is a serious flag on her fitness for teaching. it's only october -- do you have eight more months of this? even eight more days is more than you should have to put up with.
you sound like you've got some gumption (good for you! and yes, i am a hundred and eighty years old for using "gumption") but imagine her treating someone with less self esteem or who is emotionally vulnerable. i am irrationally angry and defensive on your behalf. i can almost guarantee she has/is terrorizing other students and i hope you're the person to make this stop.
you have every right to escalate this to administration and if you haven't already told your parents, please do so.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name. edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my teacher doesn’t like my first name and always talks about how weird it is, and how my last name should be my first. so she took it upon herself to only refer to me by my last name, on tests she’d even cross out my first name when i wrote it. i kept telling her i preferred being called by my first name, but she laughed it off. so i started calling her by her first name, the first time she was shocked but after a month she just kept yelling to me how i was being really disrespectful. i’ve gotten numerous detentions because of it, but i don’t want to stop until she calls me my first name. so aita if i keep calling her by her first name. edit for more information: i have an arabic name and live in a country where majority of people are arabs. i should also clarify that in my country we already call teachers by their first name (ex: mrs. [name]) however i stopped addressing the mrs and only call her by her name. the country i live in isn’t very well, and school systems are upside which is why it may be different then everyone else’s. [/INST] nta - thats very out of line for someone with authority over you. maybe talk to someone higher than her at the school about it? </s>
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AITA for not treating my wife like an equal parent by telling her she has no say in the way I bond with my son and also calling her homophobic?
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when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to.
for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons)
when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven.
i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything.
my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv.
my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable.
my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”.
we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not"
my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves.
am i in the wrong?
| 30,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vw15fn/aita_for_not_treating_my_wife_like_an_equal/
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2022-07-10 21:07:21
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nta. she is being homophobic
the world needs more dads like you
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nta- your wife is sexualizing a gesture that is from parental love. i would be offended and tell her that she is being disgusting.
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man, i love the first three paragraphs of this post. your parents really did right by you, and in turn, you ultimately did right by your boys.
current wife's a problem though. first, she's *not* an equal parent when it comes to your boys. they're yours, not hers, and were already teenagers by the time she showed up. she doesn't really get a say in how you bond with them, at all.
second, she is indeed a homophobe. there's nothing wrong with a father kissing and hugging his son, of course, but that she needs to make it about one of your boys' orientation is just revolting.
nta, a million times over.
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nta. your wife is though, and definitely has some issues if this upsets her. does she react the same when you cuddle or kiss your daughter?
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holy cow you married the wrong woman.
nta. people like your wife....sigh...smh. it's like she thinks your son being gay is going to turn you into an incestuous gay man? wtf?
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nta.
your wife has some deep, deep issues if she sees anything sexual in a very healthy and honestly beautiful father-son relationship. especially since she doesn't mind the same kind of relationship with a straight son.
i had to delete several lines i was about to write about your wife's thought process, because it's just so disgusting. please, sit her down and have a very serious talk about this.
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nta!!!!
your wife is sexualizing this due to her own issues, she shouldn't interfere with how you bond with your sons.
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nta. she thinks it’s inappropriate for a father to kiss his *son* if the son is gay?? by that standard, no parents should kiss their opposite sex children of the children are straight. this is so unbelievably dumb.
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nta. your wife is sick. she thinks your gay son might have the gays for you and gay you up. sick, sick, sick, sick sick.
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nta. at all. you have a lovely relationship with your sons and its your wife who is wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i (37m) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that i had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. i wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. for the first seven years of my boys’ lives, i didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (they knew i was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) when i was ready to move out, i wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so i had to take them (i didn’t want it at first but i’m glad it happened) we started bonding as father-sons, i started loving them and their love for me increased i remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while i wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and i often kissed their forehead. we’ve been doing this since they were seven. i met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4f), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. my kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. my boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while i wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and i’m watching tv. my son, liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. i don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, i love them no matter what, i just want them to be happy and i don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. my son visited me again last wednesday (since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) i was watching “red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while i wrap my arm around him, then i kissed his forehead and said, “good to have you back buddy”. we went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with liam. i told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, i also called her homophobic. she accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus i said "that's ok because you are not" my brother says i should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. she is being homophobic the world needs more dads like you </s>
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AITA for telling my wife to stop being so jealous of my friends fiance?
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my wife (35f) and i (36m) are good friends with another couple my best friend matt (36m) and his fiance rachel (24f). rachel models and is very attractive. my wife is less conventionally attractive but i fell in love with her for her humour and good spirit which i personally find more attractive than good looks. recently i've noticed my wife making a lot of comments about rachel calling her an airhead and just being kind of mean. when my wife makes these comments in private im able to stand up for rachel but when they're made in public i obviously don't want to embarrass my wife by calling her out. my wife and i went on a trip away with matt and rachel last week which we had been planning for a while and really looking forward to. at dinner one night my wife made a really mean comment after we started talking about the economy. she remarked don't worry rachel you can join in the conversation once the smart people are done. she was the only one who laughed. i was completely embarrassed and once we were alone i told my wife she had been really rude and i was ashamed of her. i told her she needs to stop making nasty comments and she agreed. however the next night we all went out to a bar. rachel was getting a lot of attention from guys there who were sending over drinks. my wife was looking visibly annoyed that she wasn't receiving the same attention so i tried to lift her spirits by paying for all her drinks and making a fuss of her. one guy came over and said that rachel looked just like the model zendaya. my wife let out a massive laugh and said did you mean to say whoopi goldberg. i turned to my wife and straight up said you really are so jealous aren't you. she looked hurt but didn't have time to respond as rachel had left the table in tears. i followed matt and told rachel directly that i was so sorry for my wife's words and that i was ashamed of her behaviour. when i reunited with my wife she told me i was horrible for calling her jealous infront of everyone and embarrassing her. i told her straight up that she was jealous of rachel as rachel is more attractive than her. i realise in hindsight this was a very heavy thing to say and can see why she would be hurt by it. however i stand by the fact it was said in anger. aita?
| 18,718 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qg2dbo/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_being_so_jealous/
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2021-10-26 09:08:06
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nta - aside from the way you handled it at the end, she’s the asshole. stop bringing her around when you hang out with matt and rachel. don’t lie to her though, just don’t bring her anywhere they are going to be. if she doesn’t like it then oh well, she doesn’t get to bully people and get rewarded.
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nta op the only person here who is not acting like a mature adult is your wife. you talked to her in private and she didn't listen. unfortunately sometimes people have to be called out in public in order for them to get the point.
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nta she dimmed her own light with her jealousy. she was rude, and hurtful to rachel. jealousy does not give you a free pass to put someone down.
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i’m not sure if you’re an asshole here, as you were right to call her out, but you’re going to pay for that comment for the rest of your marriage.
your wife is an asshole, and you’re in hot water.
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esh
this is a case of play silly games, earn stupid prizes.
your wife's insecurities about something none of us get to choose - how our genetic makeup causes us to look - made her lash out at an innocent woman.
despite already having a husband, she is clearly jealous of the attention your friends fiance gets, so made disparaging remarks in order to make herself feel better for her perceived lack of attractiveness.
is she even aware how tiring unwanted attention from men is? how dangerous it can be? especially for a woman that already has a boyfriend! does she read the papers filled with women who were murdered by men "infatuated by their looks" ones who decided that if they couldn't have them, no one will, and realise being highly attractive to men is often a blight on a woman?
of course not. all she sees is being pretty gets you attention, and wants to be entitled to the same.
you stood by and let her repeatedly bully this woman in public because of her ridiculous jealousy instead of shutting her down immediately. i'm surprised this couple have even given you a second chance.
your wife needs to get in therapy and sort her sh*t out. no one should suffer for her issues.
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nta.
sorry but your wife “humour” and “good spirit” are straight up bitter and nasty.
women like your wife is why the whole “women always support each other” is a lie. she is jealous, sad and bitter and i doubt rachel is the first person she has been nasty about. she is projecting her own insecurities on other people and trying to tear them down.
you called her out in private, which she took no notice of. good on you for calling her out in public.
i hope you maintain your friendship with matt & rachel without her.
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esh - i picked up on you directly comparing your wife to the younger prettier model. not conventionally attractive/ married her for her humour and good spirit. ick. if my partner wrote that about me i’d be sick to my stomach. i married my wife because she is amazing and i love her - not that damning with extremely faint praise which basically reads that you think she’s ugly and then you go on to explain her personality isn’t that nice either. i’m not surprised your wife is feeling deeply uncomfortable. yeah she sucks for making the comments but there’s a lot of issues from you that need addressing.
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i’ve had this conversation with other black women that we notice when we get more attention than the white women near us they get really offended, like “why are you paying attention to the blacky when i’m white!?”. it’s the same way skinny girls get upset when someone shows their fat friend attention. they believe they have a trait (thinness/whiteness) that makes them more desirable by default and society has pushed this narrative to be mostly true, so when they get a dose of the reality that that’s actually not true it hurts their world view of themselves.
nta
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nta
your wife is a mean girl.
an insecure bully. i wouldn't want her around either.
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info - how obvious have you made it that you fancy rachel and find her more attractive than your wife?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.127033 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (35f) and i (36m) are good friends with another couple my best friend matt (36m) and his fiance rachel (24f). rachel models and is very attractive. my wife is less conventionally attractive but i fell in love with her for her humour and good spirit which i personally find more attractive than good looks. recently i've noticed my wife making a lot of comments about rachel calling her an airhead and just being kind of mean. when my wife makes these comments in private im able to stand up for rachel but when they're made in public i obviously don't want to embarrass my wife by calling her out. my wife and i went on a trip away with matt and rachel last week which we had been planning for a while and really looking forward to. at dinner one night my wife made a really mean comment after we started talking about the economy. she remarked don't worry rachel you can join in the conversation once the smart people are done. she was the only one who laughed. i was completely embarrassed and once we were alone i told my wife she had been really rude and i was ashamed of her. i told her she needs to stop making nasty comments and she agreed. however the next night we all went out to a bar. rachel was getting a lot of attention from guys there who were sending over drinks. my wife was looking visibly annoyed that she wasn't receiving the same attention so i tried to lift her spirits by paying for all her drinks and making a fuss of her. one guy came over and said that rachel looked just like the model zendaya. my wife let out a massive laugh and said did you mean to say whoopi goldberg. i turned to my wife and straight up said you really are so jealous aren't you. she looked hurt but didn't have time to respond as rachel had left the table in tears. i followed matt and told rachel directly that i was so sorry for my wife's words and that i was ashamed of her behaviour. when i reunited with my wife she told me i was horrible for calling her jealous infront of everyone and embarrassing her. i told her straight up that she was jealous of rachel as rachel is more attractive than her. i realise in hindsight this was a very heavy thing to say and can see why she would be hurt by it. however i stand by the fact it was said in anger. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (35f) and i (36m) are good friends with another couple my best friend matt (36m) and his fiance rachel (24f). rachel models and is very attractive. my wife is less conventionally attractive but i fell in love with her for her humour and good spirit which i personally find more attractive than good looks. recently i've noticed my wife making a lot of comments about rachel calling her an airhead and just being kind of mean. when my wife makes these comments in private im able to stand up for rachel but when they're made in public i obviously don't want to embarrass my wife by calling her out. my wife and i went on a trip away with matt and rachel last week which we had been planning for a while and really looking forward to. at dinner one night my wife made a really mean comment after we started talking about the economy. she remarked don't worry rachel you can join in the conversation once the smart people are done. she was the only one who laughed. i was completely embarrassed and once we were alone i told my wife she had been really rude and i was ashamed of her. i told her she needs to stop making nasty comments and she agreed. however the next night we all went out to a bar. rachel was getting a lot of attention from guys there who were sending over drinks. my wife was looking visibly annoyed that she wasn't receiving the same attention so i tried to lift her spirits by paying for all her drinks and making a fuss of her. one guy came over and said that rachel looked just like the model zendaya. my wife let out a massive laugh and said did you mean to say whoopi goldberg. i turned to my wife and straight up said you really are so jealous aren't you. she looked hurt but didn't have time to respond as rachel had left the table in tears. i followed matt and told rachel directly that i was so sorry for my wife's words and that i was ashamed of her behaviour. when i reunited with my wife she told me i was horrible for calling her jealous infront of everyone and embarrassing her. i told her straight up that she was jealous of rachel as rachel is more attractive than her. i realise in hindsight this was a very heavy thing to say and can see why she would be hurt by it. however i stand by the fact it was said in anger. aita? [/INST] nta - aside from the way you handled it at the end, she’s the asshole. stop bringing her around when you hang out with matt and rachel. don’t lie to her though, just don’t bring her anywhere they are going to be. if she doesn’t like it then oh well, she doesn’t get to bully people and get rewarded. </s>
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AITA for attacking a muslim’s beliefs when she didn’t want to sit next to my brother and his friend on the plane?
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long time lurker, here is my first post!
so i (f16) was on a flight from dubai to new york, so it was quite a long trip. usually we are upgraded to business class on this airline since our dad is a pilot, but because my brother’s friend couldn’t afford the seat, we decided to stay in economy. our mother was sitting in business class so she wasn’t present during this whole situation.
when we got on the plane, my twin brother and his friend, 16 and 15, were in the row in front of me, my brother in the window seat and his friend in the aisle. i was sitting right behind his friend in the aisle seat.
then his woman got on, she was wearing a hijab, so it was obvious that she was a muslim. i saw her looking very uncomfortable when she saw my brother and his friend, knowing that she had the middle seat.
i wasn’t paying attention but i took off my headphones when i heard my brother’s friend say no to the lady. she then said: “it is against my religion to touch men in public” and my brother said,
“but we’re not touching you.”
she looked very angry and was almost yelling at my brother’s friend to move to the middle seat so she could have the aisle. i thought she was so entitled, so i told them,
“don’t move. just ignore her.”
she then proceeded to ask me if i knew them, so i said yes. she asked to switch with me. so this is what i said,
“no. i don’t want the middle seat because i’m very claustrophobic (i’m not, i just prefer the aisle seat so i can stretch my legs)” and she said,
“that’s not my problem.”
that’s when i got really pissed and i said it,
“your religion is not our problem. should’ve chosen better seats then”
then she stomped her foot and went to the flight attendant, and that’s the last we saw of her. i’m guessing they moved her to another empty seat.
when we got back from the trip, my brother’s friend told me he was going to move and i wasn’t right to attack her religion like that.
so reddit, aita?
| 18,840 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d45gt0/aita_for_attacking_a_muslims_beliefs_when_she/
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2019-09-14 13:54:08
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nta, if she needs an aisle seat it’s her responsibility to book one ahead of time. she didn’t do so and then assumed she could bully people into catering to her.
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nta- she shouldn’t have purchased a middle seat
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esh. the woman for being stubborn and entitled, and you for being antagonistic and inserting yourself into the situation. it sounds like you didn’t even give the boys a chance to respond before jumping in, seeing as your brother’s friend said he would have moved. you made the situation more dramatic than necessary, he would have moved and it would have been fine.
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she inserted her religion in the convo so nta
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esh she cause of the "not my problem" and you for your lack of understanding how she might be acting out of fear. in islam there is a lot of pressure on women and she could get in trouble for that, so since you are in a muslim country you could've shown a little more decency. especially when you're attacking the religion of the country you're in. arab ain't america and people have different codes of conduct there of what is appropriate behaviour for somebody and what isn't. but her approach of it wasn't the best neither so esh.
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esh for lying about having an actual issue people genuinely have. that and being rude back just says alot more about you and makes me wonder if you may have exaggerated slightly.
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yta she was asking a question and you butted into the conversation. you lied too and if you have to lie to be right, you're wrong. you didn't have a "good" reason not to move so you made one up to justify your argument with her.
in reality she doesn't get to dictate where people sit, and that's fine. but she wasn't combative until you jumped in and became combative with her. she had a somewhat compelling reason to ask and you lied to say "oh yeah what about my fake condition?!" your friend was handling it and you went off.
yta
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yta for butting into a situation that didn't call for intervening in a situation that was being handled and escalating the situation. mind your own business unless someone appoints you the entitlement police.
your brother and friend are the same age as you. they get to make their own decisions about who they do and don't sit next to. if my friend and i were on either sides of a stranger, i would have happily switched to be able to sit next to my friend. i'm an atheist, but realize that muslim women regularly get shit for trying to adhere to their religious beliefs. what does it cost you to not be one of those assholes who does that?
travel makes everyone angry and irritable. going by your side of the story, she was a bit of an asshole for expressing/showing her frustration, but until you intervened it sounds like she asked them to switch and explained why she was asking for the switch. you escalated the situation by ordering them not to switch with her. for no other reason than that you perceived she seemed "entitled." who gives a shit? just be nice to people and hope people will be nice back to you when you (inevitably, you're human) act entitled or shitty to someone else. i thought karma was reddit's religion?
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yta
booking the two outside seats and making a stranger sit between you is just awkward.
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yta why would you sit in economy "to keep your friend company" just to insist that a stranger sits in the middle of your friend and brother? sounds like you guys just wanted the entire row to yourselves so caused drama for no reason
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.474805 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long time lurker, here is my first post! so i (f16) was on a flight from dubai to new york, so it was quite a long trip. usually we are upgraded to business class on this airline since our dad is a pilot, but because my brother’s friend couldn’t afford the seat, we decided to stay in economy. our mother was sitting in business class so she wasn’t present during this whole situation. when we got on the plane, my twin brother and his friend, 16 and 15, were in the row in front of me, my brother in the window seat and his friend in the aisle. i was sitting right behind his friend in the aisle seat. then his woman got on, she was wearing a hijab, so it was obvious that she was a muslim. i saw her looking very uncomfortable when she saw my brother and his friend, knowing that she had the middle seat. i wasn’t paying attention but i took off my headphones when i heard my brother’s friend say no to the lady. she then said: “it is against my religion to touch men in public” and my brother said, “but we’re not touching you.” she looked very angry and was almost yelling at my brother’s friend to move to the middle seat so she could have the aisle. i thought she was so entitled, so i told them, “don’t move. just ignore her.” she then proceeded to ask me if i knew them, so i said yes. she asked to switch with me. so this is what i said, “no. i don’t want the middle seat because i’m very claustrophobic (i’m not, i just prefer the aisle seat so i can stretch my legs)” and she said, “that’s not my problem.” that’s when i got really pissed and i said it, “your religion is not our problem. should’ve chosen better seats then” then she stomped her foot and went to the flight attendant, and that’s the last we saw of her. i’m guessing they moved her to another empty seat. when we got back from the trip, my brother’s friend told me he was going to move and i wasn’t right to attack her religion like that. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long time lurker, here is my first post! so i (f16) was on a flight from dubai to new york, so it was quite a long trip. usually we are upgraded to business class on this airline since our dad is a pilot, but because my brother’s friend couldn’t afford the seat, we decided to stay in economy. our mother was sitting in business class so she wasn’t present during this whole situation. when we got on the plane, my twin brother and his friend, 16 and 15, were in the row in front of me, my brother in the window seat and his friend in the aisle. i was sitting right behind his friend in the aisle seat. then his woman got on, she was wearing a hijab, so it was obvious that she was a muslim. i saw her looking very uncomfortable when she saw my brother and his friend, knowing that she had the middle seat. i wasn’t paying attention but i took off my headphones when i heard my brother’s friend say no to the lady. she then said: “it is against my religion to touch men in public” and my brother said, “but we’re not touching you.” she looked very angry and was almost yelling at my brother’s friend to move to the middle seat so she could have the aisle. i thought she was so entitled, so i told them, “don’t move. just ignore her.” she then proceeded to ask me if i knew them, so i said yes. she asked to switch with me. so this is what i said, “no. i don’t want the middle seat because i’m very claustrophobic (i’m not, i just prefer the aisle seat so i can stretch my legs)” and she said, “that’s not my problem.” that’s when i got really pissed and i said it, “your religion is not our problem. should’ve chosen better seats then” then she stomped her foot and went to the flight attendant, and that’s the last we saw of her. i’m guessing they moved her to another empty seat. when we got back from the trip, my brother’s friend told me he was going to move and i wasn’t right to attack her religion like that. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta, if she needs an aisle seat it’s her responsibility to book one ahead of time. she didn’t do so and then assumed she could bully people into catering to her. </s>
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AITA for walking out after I opened the gift my stepson brought me for father's day?
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i m37 have two stepkids (g11 & b16) my stepdaughter is the apple of my eye, i love her to pieces but my stepson has a difficult personality. he never does anything with us, he never let me help him with anything and keeps his distance from me. he also never tells me about his problems or achievements and it's been difficult trying to establish a good bond with him like my stepdaughter. my wife says that's his nature so i should stop pressuring him. til he recently started spending time with me but every time he'd pull a nasty prank. like replace my shampoo or ruin my credit card or ruin my tires/rearlights. this caused a rift between us especially since my wife says those are pranks. but i was worried for my safety and got paranoid from getting in the car or going to the supermarket with a ruined cc. so i kept my distance.
father's day, i took my wife and my stepson and stepdaughter to her parents house for breakfast.
i received a beautiful gift from my stepdaughter and didn't expect my stepson to get me anything as always. but he did bring me a gift. it
looked like a nice gift in a box and was beautifully wrapped and introduced. i was so excited and happy because all i was thinking of was not the gift itself but the fact my stepson is finally letting me be part of his life and remembering me on father's day so it meant the world to me. that was already my gift but i couldn't wait to open it and show him my appreciation and gratitude.
well, i opened the box and saw...a stinky, old sock of mine that i've lost a couple of months ago placed inside. the look on my face said it all. my stepson "encouraged" me to show everybody what he's got me. i didn't want to but my father inlaw took the box and pulled out the sock. he looked confused and my stepson started laughing hysterically and so did others. it was an absolute horrible moment i wished i could just jump out the window and run away from embarrassment. i just got up and walked out the room silently while my stepson was laughing behind. my wife came to tell me that i overreacted massively and my stepson was just messing with me meaning it was a prank. but he embarrassed me infront of the entire family and frankly, i don't give a shit about a gift but what he did felt so humiliating i almost cried. she yet said that i shouldn't have walked out like that and made it awkward since i'm the adult and should've handled this better.
i left my inlaws house and my wife and kids are still there. my wife is upset that i left and wanted to get some time alone and a good cry and remember my dad and try to keep my mind off what happened earlier.
aita for this?
| 17,954 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o474r4/aita_for_walking_out_after_i_opened_the_gift_my/
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2021-06-20 14:40:09
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nta. at first i was thinking he was being 16. but the more i read i'm horrified. and your wife is enabling this by taking his side constantly and allowing it to go unpunished. the kid needs therapy. these are not pranks. and you shouldn't have to put up with this. your wife needs to change the way she handles him or i would be out that door.
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nta. and i'm sorry your wife is enabling her child to be disrespectful, mean and a little shit. your wife is the ah here. the stepson does what he is allowed to do.
you need to address this with your wife, like now, and she needs to reign in her little devil. it's not cute and it's not pranks. unless you and your wife are on the same page, things will only get worse.
perhaps it's time to walk away. you wife doesn't respect you at all.
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nta you left a situation that was meant to embarrass you. you're step son is a jerk, messing with credit card and your car aren't pranks, it malicious vandalism and the fact his mom doesnt say anything to him is ridiculous. if he did that stuff to anyone outside the family he'd get reamed out if not charged with a crime for the stuff with the car. take your time and have a sit down with your wife and tell her you arent overreacting she's enabling her son to be a jerk.
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nta
your wife is a massive a h, though, for enabling such behaviour. of course, not every kid needs to be happy about having a new parental figure, but he should at least respect you.
also, these "pranks" are not funny at all.
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nta, although “kids will be kids,” this was disrespectful. it sounds like the kid really needs a dose of reality to humble him.
i may be wrong in this, but i think he needs a dose of his own medicine. perhaps wrap a pair of his dirty boxers or underwear and give it to him for his birthday or christmas. yes, it’s juvenile, but two can play that game.
he needs to learn every actions causes a reaction and the reaction generally is something worse than the original action.
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nta. your step son is a straight up bully and your wife needs to stop enabling his behavior. how she can accept someone treating a person she claims to love like that is just beyond me. one of two things needs to happen: stepson gets into counseling and wife stops defending his awful behavior or you need to leave. if she's going to allow him to treat you like that, it's obvious she doesn't give a crap about your feelings. i get that she loves her son to. but to the extent of allowing him to abuse you is just too much. this isn't just the sock. his other "pranks" were mean spirited and abusive too.
if everyone involved isn't laughing, it's not a "prank". it's bullying.
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nta - your stepson never has to love you, but your wife should make him respect you. you need to have a serious conversation with her.
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nta and that was beyond cruel and to top this shitload of gift off was the reaction of the entire family, especially your wife. that is totally unacceptable. i'm so sorry you had to experience this and i'd cut off contact with everyone and explain to your wife in no uncertain terms you're done with her son. that was the last straw. i feel so bad for you.
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this does not make what your wife is doing okay at all but it sounds like she's trying to turn these serious situations into jokes to keep you and your stepson amicable towards each other when what should be happening is therapy not just for the son but for the family so you guys can get out the underlying tension and find ways to communicate with each other. your step sons seems angry with the things he's doing: public embarrassment, harmful "pranks"so maybe he doesn't know how to address his anger or he feels like he doesn't have the space needed to address his anger and your wife constantly undermining the seriousness of the situation is a major issue. ynta but i would strongly suggest therapy before things escalate further.
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nta i’m really sorry. your wife isn’t respecting you and she’s enabling your son to disrespect you. she’s the adult and the mother and she needs to actually parent him. you shouldn’t have to be afraid he’s damaged your car or credit cards. you don’t deserve to be treated like this and i can’t stress how important it is for your wife to step up here.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i m37 have two stepkids (g11 & b16) my stepdaughter is the apple of my eye, i love her to pieces but my stepson has a difficult personality. he never does anything with us, he never let me help him with anything and keeps his distance from me. he also never tells me about his problems or achievements and it's been difficult trying to establish a good bond with him like my stepdaughter. my wife says that's his nature so i should stop pressuring him. til he recently started spending time with me but every time he'd pull a nasty prank. like replace my shampoo or ruin my credit card or ruin my tires/rearlights. this caused a rift between us especially since my wife says those are pranks. but i was worried for my safety and got paranoid from getting in the car or going to the supermarket with a ruined cc. so i kept my distance. father's day, i took my wife and my stepson and stepdaughter to her parents house for breakfast. i received a beautiful gift from my stepdaughter and didn't expect my stepson to get me anything as always. but he did bring me a gift. it looked like a nice gift in a box and was beautifully wrapped and introduced. i was so excited and happy because all i was thinking of was not the gift itself but the fact my stepson is finally letting me be part of his life and remembering me on father's day so it meant the world to me. that was already my gift but i couldn't wait to open it and show him my appreciation and gratitude. well, i opened the box and saw...a stinky, old sock of mine that i've lost a couple of months ago placed inside. the look on my face said it all. my stepson "encouraged" me to show everybody what he's got me. i didn't want to but my father inlaw took the box and pulled out the sock. he looked confused and my stepson started laughing hysterically and so did others. it was an absolute horrible moment i wished i could just jump out the window and run away from embarrassment. i just got up and walked out the room silently while my stepson was laughing behind. my wife came to tell me that i overreacted massively and my stepson was just messing with me meaning it was a prank. but he embarrassed me infront of the entire family and frankly, i don't give a shit about a gift but what he did felt so humiliating i almost cried. she yet said that i shouldn't have walked out like that and made it awkward since i'm the adult and should've handled this better. i left my inlaws house and my wife and kids are still there. my wife is upset that i left and wanted to get some time alone and a good cry and remember my dad and try to keep my mind off what happened earlier. aita for this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i m37 have two stepkids (g11 & b16) my stepdaughter is the apple of my eye, i love her to pieces but my stepson has a difficult personality. he never does anything with us, he never let me help him with anything and keeps his distance from me. he also never tells me about his problems or achievements and it's been difficult trying to establish a good bond with him like my stepdaughter. my wife says that's his nature so i should stop pressuring him. til he recently started spending time with me but every time he'd pull a nasty prank. like replace my shampoo or ruin my credit card or ruin my tires/rearlights. this caused a rift between us especially since my wife says those are pranks. but i was worried for my safety and got paranoid from getting in the car or going to the supermarket with a ruined cc. so i kept my distance. father's day, i took my wife and my stepson and stepdaughter to her parents house for breakfast. i received a beautiful gift from my stepdaughter and didn't expect my stepson to get me anything as always. but he did bring me a gift. it looked like a nice gift in a box and was beautifully wrapped and introduced. i was so excited and happy because all i was thinking of was not the gift itself but the fact my stepson is finally letting me be part of his life and remembering me on father's day so it meant the world to me. that was already my gift but i couldn't wait to open it and show him my appreciation and gratitude. well, i opened the box and saw...a stinky, old sock of mine that i've lost a couple of months ago placed inside. the look on my face said it all. my stepson "encouraged" me to show everybody what he's got me. i didn't want to but my father inlaw took the box and pulled out the sock. he looked confused and my stepson started laughing hysterically and so did others. it was an absolute horrible moment i wished i could just jump out the window and run away from embarrassment. i just got up and walked out the room silently while my stepson was laughing behind. my wife came to tell me that i overreacted massively and my stepson was just messing with me meaning it was a prank. but he embarrassed me infront of the entire family and frankly, i don't give a shit about a gift but what he did felt so humiliating i almost cried. she yet said that i shouldn't have walked out like that and made it awkward since i'm the adult and should've handled this better. i left my inlaws house and my wife and kids are still there. my wife is upset that i left and wanted to get some time alone and a good cry and remember my dad and try to keep my mind off what happened earlier. aita for this? [/INST] nta. at first i was thinking he was being 16. but the more i read i'm horrified. and your wife is enabling this by taking his side constantly and allowing it to go unpunished. the kid needs therapy. these are not pranks. and you shouldn't have to put up with this. your wife needs to change the way she handles him or i would be out that door. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter the real reason I don’t allow her to refer to me as ‘mum’?
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whilst i am unfamiliar with this app, my partner is far more active so i’ve come to know this category.
in recent events (perhaps 2 weeks ago?), whilst touring across the country i was stuck driving for eight hours and i was exhausted however my daughter, 15, popped the question as to why i don’t allow her and her brother to address me as ‘mum’ like most would. usually in this situation (not the first time she asked) i use the excuse of how it would be easier for her to find me if she ever got lost in a crowd and i would be able to find her easier, but this time she continued to push for the real answer as she is now grown. this was the same reason as why i spilt to her the real reason.
for context i have never wanted children, being in my early forties when i had her and her younger brother was a choice of my partner as i gave in and complied to the idea. i never held a deep affection for them at first but as they grow i realise how much i truly love them.
continuing on, i told my daughter that i never wished to be a mother and i’d much rather not be tied down to the lifestyle of it. i didn’t think much of this as i was tired and just wanted to arrive to our destination.
i can’t exactly recall the reaction she had, she only replied along the lines of “so that’s the real reason”.
i didn’t believe that i might have been in the wrong for telling her when she was the one to push for the reason, however later broke down after her dad joked about how he would be fine to allow her to call him dad (he was drinking that night). i admit, i did discuss i wanted him and i to be referred by our names rather than the titles of ‘mum’, etc. (before the birth of my daughter he was reluctant but allowed it) and my daughter came out saying how i have burdened her with my words and how she ‘second guesses’ her position as my daughter.
she began to spiral and overreact, asking why i would tell her that, if i love her, etc. then began to say how she wants the intimacy of calling me mum and how she does not feel close to me. we have never had a problem of how she calls me by my name and i thought she would only ask simply due the curiosity of a growing person. she has yet to calm down and is still fairly tempered with me. it’s been a few days and there remains a lot of tension whilst her father does not remember the events that took place being drunk so i come here for judgement.
i love my children and i make an effort to make sure it’s clear to them. aita?
| 7,372 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vvxctg/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_real_reason_i/
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2022-07-10 18:10:56
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yta. "i never wanted you, only had you to keep my partner, and i may love you now but not enough to let you call me mum." how would you possibly not be the asshole for telling a teenager that?
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being tired often results in saying stuff without thinking about it, so i get that. but let's look at this one. you think there's never been a problem and that she's asking out of curiosity. did you ever consider that she's asked multiple times because she may be deeply anxious about it? insecure about it? because friends and classmates have asked her why she didn't call you mom her entire life, or assumed you weren't her mother, and she had no answer to them? i can tell you right now that kids are cruel, and that if she had no answer, some kid would've definitely said "haha your mom doesn't love you". this has probably been building for a long time.
sit down with her. have a good talk. say that you're sorry, and *ask* if it has impacted her. if she says yes, don't blame her. don't make excuses. apologise for not seeing it. listen to her. don't try to overexplain unless she asks you to. find out where this came from. if she gets loud, be calm and don't start any "don't you raise your voice/ take that tone with me" stuff parents love to do. if your child is suddenly inconsolable there's a reason.
yta but you don't have to keep being one, if you truly love your children now. do right by her.
just know that this will be a defining moment for your family. how you handle this will matter. don't downplay her feelings, they're absolutely understandable. what you said must be heartwrenching to a child of 15 who doesn't quite get nuance yet. i'd be upset at 23.
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yta
you shouldn't have given in and had children if you feel like that but since you did, you took on an obligation to ensure their well-being, physical and emotional. not allowing them to call their parents "mum and dad" was cruel and bizarre. telling your daughter that it is because you don't actually want to be a mum is absolutely shameful. irredeemable.
(oh, and 15 is not "grown")
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yta. wtf is wrong with you? you just told her she was unloved and unwanted. some day you will be one of those people whining about your children never calling you.
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yta alternative title "i told my child i never wanted them, now they're sad" what did you think would happen
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yta. forcing your child to call you by your first name doesn’t somehow make you *not* her mom. you’re “tied down to the lifestyle of it” whether you like it or not, pal.
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you are clearly ta.... how cold hearted can you be to your own child... again yta.
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strong yta.
she can call me mum instead.
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yta.
&#x200b;
>i love my children and i make an effort to make sure it’s clear to them.
then why not let them call you "mum"?
it seems to me you use this as a way to keep them at arms length. it's clear how important it is to your daughter, and it seems like an easy thing to just let her call you mum - so why not? i'm sure you do love them in your way, but you also clearly have walls up and that is obviously upsetting and hurting your daughter.
on top of that, you just straight up admitted that you didn't want her and only had her because her dad wanted kids. not only do i question the wisdom of such a decision to begin with, but you also seem unable to comprehend why hearing that would be so incredibly upsetting and hurtful to her. she did not "overreact". instead of doing everything you possibly could to reassure her you love her, you don't regret having her, etc, you just seem annoyed by the fact that she hasn't calmed down yet. i'm not saying you don't love her, but surely you can see why this sort of behavior makes it feel like you don't.
frankly, it sounds a lot like you don't have much capacity for empathy and i would strongly recommend therapy (for both you and your daughter, both individually and together).
if you didn't want children, you shouldn't have had children - you don't have them for someone else's sake and remain emotionally unavailable to them and then wonder why that upsets them so much.
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oh come on, this can't be real. nobody's this much of an ah for this long and still wants advice from reddit!
if it *is* real, then yta, obviously -- and not just for this particular conversation. but i'd betcha an imaginary internet dollar this is yet more ragebait...
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: whilst i am unfamiliar with this app, my partner is far more active so i’ve come to know this category. in recent events (perhaps 2 weeks ago?), whilst touring across the country i was stuck driving for eight hours and i was exhausted however my daughter, 15, popped the question as to why i don’t allow her and her brother to address me as ‘mum’ like most would. usually in this situation (not the first time she asked) i use the excuse of how it would be easier for her to find me if she ever got lost in a crowd and i would be able to find her easier, but this time she continued to push for the real answer as she is now grown. this was the same reason as why i spilt to her the real reason. for context i have never wanted children, being in my early forties when i had her and her younger brother was a choice of my partner as i gave in and complied to the idea. i never held a deep affection for them at first but as they grow i realise how much i truly love them. continuing on, i told my daughter that i never wished to be a mother and i’d much rather not be tied down to the lifestyle of it. i didn’t think much of this as i was tired and just wanted to arrive to our destination. i can’t exactly recall the reaction she had, she only replied along the lines of “so that’s the real reason”. i didn’t believe that i might have been in the wrong for telling her when she was the one to push for the reason, however later broke down after her dad joked about how he would be fine to allow her to call him dad (he was drinking that night). i admit, i did discuss i wanted him and i to be referred by our names rather than the titles of ‘mum’, etc. (before the birth of my daughter he was reluctant but allowed it) and my daughter came out saying how i have burdened her with my words and how she ‘second guesses’ her position as my daughter. she began to spiral and overreact, asking why i would tell her that, if i love her, etc. then began to say how she wants the intimacy of calling me mum and how she does not feel close to me. we have never had a problem of how she calls me by my name and i thought she would only ask simply due the curiosity of a growing person. she has yet to calm down and is still fairly tempered with me. it’s been a few days and there remains a lot of tension whilst her father does not remember the events that took place being drunk so i come here for judgement. i love my children and i make an effort to make sure it’s clear to them. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
whilst i am unfamiliar with this app, my partner is far more active so i’ve come to know this category. in recent events (perhaps 2 weeks ago?), whilst touring across the country i was stuck driving for eight hours and i was exhausted however my daughter, 15, popped the question as to why i don’t allow her and her brother to address me as ‘mum’ like most would. usually in this situation (not the first time she asked) i use the excuse of how it would be easier for her to find me if she ever got lost in a crowd and i would be able to find her easier, but this time she continued to push for the real answer as she is now grown. this was the same reason as why i spilt to her the real reason. for context i have never wanted children, being in my early forties when i had her and her younger brother was a choice of my partner as i gave in and complied to the idea. i never held a deep affection for them at first but as they grow i realise how much i truly love them. continuing on, i told my daughter that i never wished to be a mother and i’d much rather not be tied down to the lifestyle of it. i didn’t think much of this as i was tired and just wanted to arrive to our destination. i can’t exactly recall the reaction she had, she only replied along the lines of “so that’s the real reason”. i didn’t believe that i might have been in the wrong for telling her when she was the one to push for the reason, however later broke down after her dad joked about how he would be fine to allow her to call him dad (he was drinking that night). i admit, i did discuss i wanted him and i to be referred by our names rather than the titles of ‘mum’, etc. (before the birth of my daughter he was reluctant but allowed it) and my daughter came out saying how i have burdened her with my words and how she ‘second guesses’ her position as my daughter. she began to spiral and overreact, asking why i would tell her that, if i love her, etc. then began to say how she wants the intimacy of calling me mum and how she does not feel close to me. we have never had a problem of how she calls me by my name and i thought she would only ask simply due the curiosity of a growing person. she has yet to calm down and is still fairly tempered with me. it’s been a few days and there remains a lot of tension whilst her father does not remember the events that took place being drunk so i come here for judgement. i love my children and i make an effort to make sure it’s clear to them. aita? [/INST] yta. "i never wanted you, only had you to keep my partner, and i may love you now but not enough to let you call me mum." how would you possibly not be the asshole for telling a teenager that? </s>
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AITA for laughing at my mom after she and my dad insisted i tell my friend’s boyfriend to leave my house?
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i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it.
so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out.
i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it.
my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again
my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing?
~~~
| 22,720 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l3d4ja/aita_for_laughing_at_my_mom_after_she_and_my_dad/
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2021-01-23 14:35:35
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nta. you're an adult living in your own house, you can have whoever you like visiting. your parents have some serious issues.
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nta
some people might say it's disrespectful to laugh at your parents demanding something, but context is key here.
you've had enough, you're old enough, and you're out on your own. you're not under their roof so they don't get to keep policing who is allowed in and out of your house.
however since now you know your parents will likely pull stunts like this in the future, it's best to be ready to deal with that if you keep contact with them. by all means i think you're right to do whatever you want now, but be prepared for the conflict that keeping them involved in your life will bring.
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nta. i would laugh at your family that told you to apologize too. keep laughing until they all realize they sound like one big joke.
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nta
tbh, i laughed a little while reading this. obviously, your parents did not get the hint that they did something wrong when you left the house as early as you could. maybe they will get the hint now.
i am kinda curious how they will react when you get a so :-)
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nta. laughing is a lot more respectful than what would probably have come out of my mouth.
imo your laugh was actually a pretty emotionally healthy way to react. no guilt or shame or rage at their demand. just, you’re ridiculous. good for you.
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i just had to stop myself from laughing so hard.
holy shit nta.
you're 20 years old and have your own apartment and your parents are still demanding you to follow their rules.
honestly, no wonder you left. the fact your family are also demanding you to apologise is ridiculous. get far away from them op you do not deserve this you're an adult with your own life don't let them keep affecting you.
if i was you i would cut them off completely.
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nta in the least. congratulations on escaping such a warped, toxic home environment. it is great that you are trying to maintain a relationship with your parents. they don't have to approve of your lifestyle but they have to respect it. next zoom meeting turn the camera off lol.
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no, nta at all. and your parents are lucky you turned out like you did. i once had a neighborhood friend who was raised like you. she was the oldest of like 5, and also was relegated to taking care of them. when she *was* allowed to go out, it was ‘be back at 9’ on a saturday night (she was like 16). she’d get grounded 1 week for every minute she was late. i remember one time we hung out, she drove like 80 in our neighborhood to get home on time. (eta she dropped me off at the end of her street and i had to walk home because there was no time to drop me off. but she was scared for them to know she allowed someone in the car. so it was like a rolling stop, where she didn’t even stop fully to let me get out.)
i couldn’t hang with her after that because it was just too much, and she legit scared the shit out of me driving like that. the irony is, her parents’ actions put her in direct danger, which is precisely what they were supposedly trying to avoid.
i heard through the grapevine she wound up getting pregnant a few mos later, moving out with her loser bf, then not working out, and her having a few more kids with a few more men. added a drug/alcohol problem in the mix, too.
i blame the parents completely.
anyway, i’m rambling. typically, i’m very chill and don’t usually suggest hills to die on, especially with parents. but yours seem off the wall with how they treat you, and i would not apologize for this. ever.
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absolutely nta. do not apologise, because then they'll think they can start to dictate what you do in your own home. simply let them know that unless they wanna pay all the rent, it's your home and your rules and they should respect that.
they probably won't, but if they get arsey then just say you'll be limiting your contact with them even further until they're prepared to treat you like the adult you are and apologise for trying to dictate the rules in your house.
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nta
it's absolutely hilarious that they think they can tell you, an adult what she can and can't or should do in her own damn apartment.
it's either laughing or getting angry at their insane request.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it. so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out. i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it. my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing? ~~~
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. i mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. when i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. i mean, i wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. if i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. i was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. i could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it. so you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. by 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. my parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. my friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out. i didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. my mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. i figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. as i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it. my mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? she started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. the bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. she and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again my mom then insists i have him leave. at this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? i didn’t know what else to do but laugh. i said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. i realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. aita for laughing? ~~~ [/INST] nta. you're an adult living in your own house, you can have whoever you like visiting. your parents have some serious issues. </s>
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AITA for drinking a 6 pack of O'Doul's every morning?
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for quick context purposes, i'm a recovering alcoholic. i've been sober for 4 years. i used to love day drinking -- basically waking up in the morning and drinking right away.
&nbsp;
one thing that helped me kick the juice is drinking o'doul's in the morning. it's a habit i haven't really broken, and with being said, i bring a 6 pack of o'doul's into work every morning and drink them at my cubicle. for those unaware, o'doul's is a non-alcoholic brand of beer.
&nbsp;
i have a handful of coworkers that find this offensive. i won't call out anyone individually, but i've heard comments like "i wish i could crush a 6 pack of beers at work" or "i guess it's 5 o'clock in internationalart's world" or "the rest of us are working hard while internationalart's over there treating this like some sort of frat house party". i've also been told i "reek like beer", and i've even heard people undermine my sobriety by saying i still have a problem and that "drinking non-alcoholic beer doesn't make it any better".
&nbsp;
i was recently brought into a meeting with hr and notified that some employees had issued complaints against my "behavior." i was frustrated because no one yells at diane for drinking 8 diet cokes a day, yet here i am in hr's office. i was politely asked by my employer to leave the o'doul's at home. i'm having an issue understanding why this is a problem. aita for drinking o'doul's at work?
| 3,736 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iz7jui/aita_for_drinking_a_6_pack_of_odouls_every_morning/
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2020-09-24 22:40:20
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yta if you continue. if your coworkers are saying you smell like beer, then i'd place this in a similar category as a coworker who microwaved fish every day.
even if it's not actually alcoholic and you're not in a customer facing position, it's more of a point of professionalism. it's like if someone was drinking grape juice out of a wine glass all day at work or if diane was drinking her 8 diet cokes out of a pint glass.
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yta if you continue doing this. it would be a rare office where drinking 6 odoul’s first thing in the morning at your desk wouldn’t be commented on. the fact that it is nonalcoholic doesn’t change that everyone knows that it is meant as a substitute and looks like you are drinking beer. first i’ll say that i think consulting a doctor or addiction specialist might give you better tools, but i know that’s not an option for everyone sooo... i’d either get a thermos to pour them into before work so that people don’t know what you are drinking from the look/label, get up earlier and drink them at home before work, or drink them in your car when you are allowed a break. but you gotta stop the desk thing, it’s going to make you look so much worse if you keep doing it after being warned.
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yta.
that is an alcoholic ritual without the alcohol. the fact that you drink it isn’t concerning, but the way you drink it - shotgunning and then cracking open more cans - and the way you are clinging to this behavior is worrisome. have you spoken about this behavior with your sponsor? what about a doctor?
even though this is a less harmful way to feed your addiction, it is still giving in to your addictive tendencies.
since it’s now affecting your work place you should stop. if you feel like you can’t stop, or you’re making excuses for why you shouldn’t, that should be sending off warnings in your head that this is about more than nonalcoholic beer.
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yta, but not for using a nonalcoholic beer as a stepping stone for getting sober (if it’s with your sponsor’s support/approval). nonalcoholic beer reeks like regular beer. you are actively making your office smell like beer every morning while drinking a full six-pack, which also makes other employees super uncomfortable.
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yta. o'douls still has alcohol in it. according to the website, it has .4%
you're drinking at work.
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yta. it’s not alcohol free. you’re just making excuses to drink a tiny bit of alcohol because you can’t handle your sobriety. if you were truly a recovering alcoholic you would know that you shouldn’t even be drinking non-alcoholic beer. i know, i’ve been sober 5 years and i never touch the stuff. you’re on a slippery slope pal. not to mention that drinking soda doesn’t even compare to drinking beer at work. this is a conversation you should have with your sponsor.
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this is just bizarre. i’m not going to comment on whether the na beer alcohol content counts as “recovery” because i have no idea.
i can say this would make me super uncomfortable to witness every morning. even though the beer is non-alcoholic, it’s still not really a work appropriate drink especially in the morning.
add to that the way you drink it and i’d feel like i was watching an alcoholic. i get why hr talked to you.
talk to somebody in an aa program or a sponsor or a therapist and figure this out.
yta and likely going to be a jobless asshole if you don’t stop.
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smelling like alcohol is affecting others and impacting your work relationships. that is a reality that you’re not addressing. you replaced one addiction for another, yes? have you heard of a dry drunk? what does your aa sponsor say?
yta - i hope you’re able to take this gentle nudge to good conclusion for yourself.
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yta and not a 'recovering' alcoholic, you still are. you know o'douls has alcohol. you need to be honest with yourself before this will get any better. lie to yourself all you like, you still know the truth and so do those around you.
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this is.. what? the fuck? you're drinking at work lol of course yta. it has little alcohol, but still has some, so it sounds like it's just an excuse to drink alcohol to me. it's also quite unprofessional. i cant believe your boss has not said anything lol. this reeks of being fake as well ngl
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for quick context purposes, i'm a recovering alcoholic. i've been sober for 4 years. i used to love day drinking -- basically waking up in the morning and drinking right away. &nbsp; one thing that helped me kick the juice is drinking o'doul's in the morning. it's a habit i haven't really broken, and with being said, i bring a 6 pack of o'doul's into work every morning and drink them at my cubicle. for those unaware, o'doul's is a non-alcoholic brand of beer. &nbsp; i have a handful of coworkers that find this offensive. i won't call out anyone individually, but i've heard comments like "i wish i could crush a 6 pack of beers at work" or "i guess it's 5 o'clock in internationalart's world" or "the rest of us are working hard while internationalart's over there treating this like some sort of frat house party". i've also been told i "reek like beer", and i've even heard people undermine my sobriety by saying i still have a problem and that "drinking non-alcoholic beer doesn't make it any better". &nbsp; i was recently brought into a meeting with hr and notified that some employees had issued complaints against my "behavior." i was frustrated because no one yells at diane for drinking 8 diet cokes a day, yet here i am in hr's office. i was politely asked by my employer to leave the o'doul's at home. i'm having an issue understanding why this is a problem. aita for drinking o'doul's at work?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for quick context purposes, i'm a recovering alcoholic. i've been sober for 4 years. i used to love day drinking -- basically waking up in the morning and drinking right away. &nbsp; one thing that helped me kick the juice is drinking o'doul's in the morning. it's a habit i haven't really broken, and with being said, i bring a 6 pack of o'doul's into work every morning and drink them at my cubicle. for those unaware, o'doul's is a non-alcoholic brand of beer. &nbsp; i have a handful of coworkers that find this offensive. i won't call out anyone individually, but i've heard comments like "i wish i could crush a 6 pack of beers at work" or "i guess it's 5 o'clock in internationalart's world" or "the rest of us are working hard while internationalart's over there treating this like some sort of frat house party". i've also been told i "reek like beer", and i've even heard people undermine my sobriety by saying i still have a problem and that "drinking non-alcoholic beer doesn't make it any better". &nbsp; i was recently brought into a meeting with hr and notified that some employees had issued complaints against my "behavior." i was frustrated because no one yells at diane for drinking 8 diet cokes a day, yet here i am in hr's office. i was politely asked by my employer to leave the o'doul's at home. i'm having an issue understanding why this is a problem. aita for drinking o'doul's at work? [/INST] yta if you continue. if your coworkers are saying you smell like beer, then i'd place this in a similar category as a coworker who microwaved fish every day. even if it's not actually alcoholic and you're not in a customer facing position, it's more of a point of professionalism. it's like if someone was drinking grape juice out of a wine glass all day at work or if diane was drinking her 8 diet cokes out of a pint glass. </s>
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AITA for revealing our net worth when my wife constantly says we are broke and making me look bad with money?
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i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr.
as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills.
| 22,858 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mvg0yv/aita_for_revealing_our_net_worth_when_my_wife/
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2021-04-21 13:46:49
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nta. she was dismissive of your feelings and was constantly lying to the people around her. it’s a classic case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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nta.
it's very weird that your wife feels the need to constantly downplay and pretend that she's poor. what about all the people who are actually struggling?
very weird, and a shitty thing for your wife to do. it's good that you called her out on it.
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info why does she downplay your combined wealth? is she worried her family will ask for financial assistance? is the crack about her college car because she's sick of using am old car but doesn't think you'll agree to buying a new one? and why do you feel like it's specifically calling you out? is she saying you're not earning enough, or that you're spending all the money? i feel like there's something going on you haven't told us.
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esh.
paychecks, politics, prayers. the 3 forbidden dinner conversations.
it sounds like your wife falls back on the "i'm broke" line to cover up her insecurities of not "keeping up" with her social circle.
and i get that you're not pleased with her comments, but having an argument about your finances in mixed company is...just kind of classless. no one needs to know how much money you make or don't make.
it's weird that you think her comments make *you* look bad, since you both work, and it doesn't seem like it's common knowledge that you manage the finances? i mean if someone's wife tells me "we're broke," my first thought isn't "oh, it must be the husband, he's bad at money." that i think is your own insecurity.
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esh - bro... your wife has $500 in her checking account and drives a beater... for all intents and purposes she lives like she is broke. throwing out that she has $1m in your investment account does not make it seem like she is lying, it makes it seems like you are a controlling asshole.
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[deleted]
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esh. it seems like there is such tension in your marriage over money that your wife is acting passive aggressively like t a by complaining that you’re broke nonstop in front of family and friends, and then you responded with the nuclear option of revealing your full financial details (only soft t a on that, because you did give her full warning you were going to do it). the reason might be these details from your post and comments: that you’d saved 80% of your combined $125k income for many years, lived in a 600 sq ft apartment for 4-5 years, and are driving cars that are around ten years old, as your wife is watching her friends get new cars. i think you have been wise with your money and that’s a great thing. but have you been a little too frugal? has your wife been unhappy for ten years because she had no breathing room to enjoy any discretionary spending at all, and has this been a recurring argument that’s now playing out in front of an audience? it sounds like what both of you really need to do is to talk to each other about what is really bothering you about your financial situation, because your wife sounds unhappy and it seems like she’s uncomfortable telling you why she’s unhappy (since she didn’t take the initial offer to rework the finances). what you probably need is marriage counseling, not reddit, which would get to the source of the problem. and i’ll probably get downvoted to hell for this comment, but i’m trying to be honest.
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~~esh~~. yta, now that i know your wife isn't on the investment account. classic financial abuse.original comment: don't come to reddit for your marital problems. your wife is unhappy and has made that very clear. now she's seeking backup hoping you'll figure it out since whatever hints she dropped to just you aren't even mentioned here. they went completely unnoticed.
talk to her with the goal of solving the issue. then, resolve the issue. my amateur read is that she wants more control of the money she earns, but you won't know if that's true until you ask her honestly. oh, and there should be no repercussions for her stating honestly how she feels and what she wants.
fix your marriage before it's too late.
edit2: thank you for the award!
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nta. you're just being honest, she's just throwing herself a pity party by acting broke.
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i mean, is she allowed to spend things on herself?
you said you control the finances. i mean. would she have to get your permission to get a new car?
what does it mean that “you control the money”?
if you’re controlling her paycheck, how much she gets, etc, that’s really bad.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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ESH
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NTA
| null | 0.532852 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr. as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (31m) have been with my wife (30f) for 10 years now and she always has had this habit of making me look bad with our finances. whenever anything regarding spending money comes up she will always say how broke we are and she doesn't have the money to do this or buy that. the thing is we are doing well financially. we have decent jobs and combine our salary is roughly $125k/yr. as of today our net worth is more than $1 million but less than 2. i had saved/invested a lot before getting married so i gave us a good head start. i control the finances/take the lead but we both agreed to living a very modest life. we both have our cars from college for example (honda & toyota). she knows everything about our finances because at least once a month i go over it with her every time i deposit money in our investment accounts or our kids college funds. for banking we have an emergency fund and i budget everything else to go straight into investments. we basically stay right at $10k in our banks savings account and $500 in our checking account after bills. [/INST] nta. she was dismissive of your feelings and was constantly lying to the people around her. it’s a classic case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. </s>
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AITA for telling this college guy's mom that her coming into his interview cost him the job?
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i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago.
we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid.
a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him.
she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short.
i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection.
it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own.
i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.)
anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers.
i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback.
however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves.
she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up.
aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
| 35,463 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hukoub/aita_for_telling_this_college_guys_mom_that_her/
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2020-07-20 12:51:21
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nta
it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job.
she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her.
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nta. helicopter mom needed to be put in her place. hopefully she learns. sadly, while i think its shitty someone gets put in the dnh pile for something like that; i can completely understand why. hopefully the young man can solve that issue and get hired on somewhere.
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bruh nta. i feel so bad for that poor guy (not for the job per se, but for his controlling mum), but you just did your job and she deserved the cold shower (and a reasonable dose of humility).
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nta. she needs to be told. maybe her son has told her or not but someone outside her bubble needs to be told.
i say this as someone who was in her son's shoes. my dad would do the same stupid stuff. he would call about interviews and job applications. he used to call out of work for me (if i sneezed on the phone or if he wanted to punish me or anything really, he'd call and say i wasn't coming in) and do other stuff that would intentionally or not sabotage my work. i used to sneak around when applying for job interviews and internships just so he wouldn't mess it up.
i long ago developed a policy of excluding both my parents from job stuff. my dad because he'd still do it no matter what and my mom because she will twll him anything i tell her. i'm in my 30s and they still can't know anything about my jobs.
thank you for telling the mom and please consider also telling the son.
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nta holy shit what was she thinking!? hopefully it eventually sinks in and she stops hovering over her adult son because it's not going to do him any favours. that's absolutely ridiculous.
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nta. this is a lawnmower parent. she hovers and attempts to mow down all obstacles in her son’s way. she needs to hear that, for his sake. i feel so badly for this kid. i hope he didn’t lose the job just because of her. if he did, though, it’s a hard lesson all the way around.
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>however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
i am also a hiring manager in tech, and while generally you're ok here, because of this line i'm quoting, a little bit ta here i think. your evaluation of a candidate should be solely focused on the candidate, not on externalities out of their control. if you're even considering hiring a 19 year old, you should really know a healthy majority of them are still basically children.
if you completely don't think he's qualified, all you needed was a carbon copy rejection email, wipe your hands, and walk away - you gain nothing by even responding to his mother. if you *did* think he was qualified, and ruled him out because his mother is a nutjob, that could have been better handled by using that same personal contact method you eventually rejected him by, and saying "i would like to interview you, but specifically, you alone." and then make a decision based on your perception of his fit for the job and talk to him directly about the issues you had with his mother and make it clear that won't fly in your work place.
you can't say in one breath you want a self-driven person, and call it an internship in another. internships are all about healthy mutual gain, and the one thing that most people that age will get out of it (aside from some meager salary) is an understanding of what it's like in the real work force and what responsibility means and start learning *how* to be self driven. your average freshman or sophomore in college has not driven themselves thus far, they have been directed, pointed, and groomed for an education they may not even know if they are sure they want. whatever token project you throw them or busywork is unlikely to matter in their career, but the larger picture will.
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nta at *all* but sadly i doubt that your advice will do any good since she probably won't tell her son what you said.
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nta- someone needed to tell her that and maybe coming for you she will take it seriously
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nta nope it’s super unprofessional to allow mommy into your interview. you could have potentially emailed him with an opportunity to schedule a make up interview sans mommy, if you saw some potential talent there but you were in no way obligated.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a hiring manager at a tech company and i was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. we had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. it was a virtual interview over zoom because of covid. a minute or two in, when i was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son's work ethic. i thought it was a little strange. i said something polite about wanting to hear from him. she just didn't get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. i asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short. i thought that was all over and done with until i'd gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son's application, she seemed offended he hadn't gotten an acceptance or rejection. it bothered me, i felt bad for the kid honestly. wayyy back when i was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same shit, but luckily she only did that when i was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when i was an adult applying for engineering jobs. but i felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn't giving him the chance to apply on his own. i sent an email back saying i was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. i also asked hr to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (it is something we usually do, but his rejection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the covid craziness.) anyway, after we sent that, i got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. i said that i could not comment on the guy's performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. if he wanted to reach out to me i was happy to give him some feedback. however, i could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. we were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc. i also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager i've met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant's behalf, etc... would also put their resume in the "do not hire" pile. since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. she fucking blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where i hung up. aita for how i handled this? maybe i should have kept my mouth shut way earlier [/INST] nta it’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job. she snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. you’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her. </s>
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AITA for signing up my girlfriend for a social etiquette class before meeting my family?
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gf and i have been together for a little under 3 months and we agreed it’s time for her to meet my family. for some context, i’m blessed and had a fortunate upbringing. my gf on the other hand faced some challenges in her life from a young age (particularly financial challenges).
she’s a beautiful, interesting person despite all of the hardships she faced. the only problem is that she lacks the manners that my family typically expects from someone i’m in a relationship with. (my gf is the first less-fortunate woman i’m dating). for that reason i made the effort to prepare her for her first dinner with my family.
i got her signed up for an online social etiquette course and thought this was a good idea. however when i told her she was absolutely furious. she claimed that i’m “obviously embarrassed” to be with her and that i should just marry a “rich girl” instead. she even accused me of being “just another white, privileged guy”. to make matters worse she said that it’s “racially insensitive” of me to feel the need to teach her how to behave.
so am i the complete asshole here? explanations are more than welcome.
| 4,725 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubawoq/aita_for_signing_up_my_girlfriend_for_a_social/
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2022-04-25 02:43:34
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yta. the peasants have spoken.
info: is your grandmother the queen of england?
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obvious yta and your girlfriend already explained why. you are embarrassed of her, otherwise you wouldn't give two flying fucks at a rolling donut what your family thought of your gf's manners.
and if you seriously don't see the unpleasant racial tones of you, a white wealthy guy, making your non-white gf take freaking etiquette classes to pass muster with your snobby, judgmental rich white family, you really should not be with a woman of color.
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yes yta. you asked for an explanation so: the point of deciding for your partner that they need to change what they act like is the ah part. you didn't ask her if she'd like the class and you did it because you felt she wasn't going to fit in, aka "isn't good enough" or yes you're embarrassed by her manners. you made a unilateral judgment and decided for her how she was to proceed. that's not ok no matter the financial situation.
you also speak about her in a way that's demeaning. she isn't a great person *despite* her upbringing. she is a great person. nothing else needed mentioned. she's not a "less fortunate" person, she's a person. money may by you things but it can also be lost, neither financial situation can be seen as completely fortunate or unfortunate. it's just numbers on bank accounts. what makes a person good, and their lives fortunate, is what they do with their lives and how they treat others.
you definitely owe her an apology.
wow, thank you for the updates and awards! i wasn't expecting that but it's made my day!
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info
is "less-fortunate woman" code for "not white"?
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why ask if you're the ah and wanting explanations while your gf did both those things already? are you actually going to listen to strangers online? and if so, why does that matter over what your gf said?
it is really easy, love her for who she is or cry for what you missed. you're a classist and just plain rude and not very bright. wich is intresting seeing as you are so fortunate in everything. maby you should take some social skill classes. yta
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yta. you've basically just told her she's embarrassing. if you're concerned about the way your family will react to her, maybe she shouldn't meet them.
it may be a better idea to talk to your family and tell them they need to get ready for a dose of reality, because an actual person is about to enter their ivory tower.
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yta
here's why:
>she’s a beautiful, interesting person despite all of the hardships she faced
um... "despite" the hardships huh? like the lady was lucky that her poverty didn't also strip her of her looks! thank the lawd for that!
> the only problem is that she lacks the manners that my family typically expects from someone i’m in a relationship with. (my gf is the first less-fortunate woman i’m dating).
well, if you're dating and breaking up with great frequency, maybe you shouldn't keep dating the same copy+paste "proper" ladies? maybe there's more to a relationship lasting that *\*gasp\** proper dinner table etiquette!
>for that reason i made the effort to prepare her for her first dinner with my family.
.. i got her signed up for an online social etiquette course and thought this was a good idea.
so let's recap: you made up a problem in your head, found a solution, and the only time she got involved was the hear: "here's your etiquette package, ya filthy animal!"
you did not make an effort to **prepare her!**! you blindsided her with this.
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i guess it's true when they say money can't buy class. yta no explanation needed.
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just for context, clarity and me being nosy lol what exactly does she do that requires etiquette classes .
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damn! you referred to your girl as less fortunate 🤯 that's crazy. is dating someone "less fortunate" on your bucket list? seems to me that you don't even like her for real. you should probably hold off on introducing her to your family because at this point it seems more like show and tell. like you want to show your parents how you were able to tame a "less fortunate."
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: gf and i have been together for a little under 3 months and we agreed it’s time for her to meet my family. for some context, i’m blessed and had a fortunate upbringing. my gf on the other hand faced some challenges in her life from a young age (particularly financial challenges). she’s a beautiful, interesting person despite all of the hardships she faced. the only problem is that she lacks the manners that my family typically expects from someone i’m in a relationship with. (my gf is the first less-fortunate woman i’m dating). for that reason i made the effort to prepare her for her first dinner with my family. i got her signed up for an online social etiquette course and thought this was a good idea. however when i told her she was absolutely furious. she claimed that i’m “obviously embarrassed” to be with her and that i should just marry a “rich girl” instead. she even accused me of being “just another white, privileged guy”. to make matters worse she said that it’s “racially insensitive” of me to feel the need to teach her how to behave. so am i the complete asshole here? explanations are more than welcome.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
gf and i have been together for a little under 3 months and we agreed it’s time for her to meet my family. for some context, i’m blessed and had a fortunate upbringing. my gf on the other hand faced some challenges in her life from a young age (particularly financial challenges). she’s a beautiful, interesting person despite all of the hardships she faced. the only problem is that she lacks the manners that my family typically expects from someone i’m in a relationship with. (my gf is the first less-fortunate woman i’m dating). for that reason i made the effort to prepare her for her first dinner with my family. i got her signed up for an online social etiquette course and thought this was a good idea. however when i told her she was absolutely furious. she claimed that i’m “obviously embarrassed” to be with her and that i should just marry a “rich girl” instead. she even accused me of being “just another white, privileged guy”. to make matters worse she said that it’s “racially insensitive” of me to feel the need to teach her how to behave. so am i the complete asshole here? explanations are more than welcome. [/INST] yta. the peasants have spoken. info: is your grandmother the queen of england? </s>
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AITA for kicking my husband out of the house because he lied to me about money
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my husband hid $1500 (some insurance payout) from me and he played the whole “i don’t have money for gas” victim part. this money is not part of our savings or anything. anyway, he had been hiding the money for 2 weeks. during those two weeks i bought groceries for us, i paid for our take out food, i offered to pay for his broken windshield, and overall i was concerned about whether or not he had enough money for himself. he saw me struggle putting to put gas in my truck. he let me pay for his car insurance. he heard my concerns and my offers to help him and he did not once tell me not to worry.
yesterday i asked him to lend me $20 because a friend invited me somewhere last minute and i didn’t have cash. he got really nervous when i asked him if i could borrow his debit card. he started to act strange. i asked him if he was hiding something from me and he called me crazy and accused me of not believing him. i asked him if he was hiding money from me? and he denied it and said i was paranoid and crazy.
he checked his bank account in front of me and acted surprised. he literally shouted, “wow wow wow i have extra money!!!! oh my god this is so awesome!!” and he played the whole i didn’t know part.
he continued to argue and i told him that i don’t care about the money i care about honesty. why did he lie? and if he can lie so blatantly about this then he can lie (or has lied) about many things.
it took a whole day for him to finally confess that he was hiding the money from me because supposedly i was going to ask for some money if i knew. he said he felt guilty for not telling about it when he saw me struggle with money.
today i asked him to leave the house. i called him cruel and deceitful. i told him that i don’t want to be with someone that can lie so blatantly.
by the way i’m 6 months pregnant with a very wanted and planned baby. we’ve know each other for 3 years.
am i the as*hole for leaving him over this?
i’m just so hurt by how easily he lied and called me crazy and paranoid. and now i’m questioning everything in our relationship. maybe his gym sessions are time that he spends with women. i don’t know anything anymore.
***update****
i followed the advice i received here (thank you). he’s back home but staying in the guest room. he came back with a brand new baby car seat (guilt?) and he’s apologizing profusely. we’ll be taking marriage counseling.
| 19,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6v6mz/aita_for_kicking_my_husband_out_of_the_house/
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2019-09-20 13:49:10
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nta. for someone to watch you struggle, ‘feel bad’ but continue with the lie, says a lot about your husband. he is deceitful. he is going to do this again. probably with money, and who knows what else. i hope you have a strong support system!
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nta, jesus he got this money and still went for you for gas money. and you’re pregnant?!?! that’s a significant breach of trust. i can’t even wrap my head around it. kicking him out of the house is the first step.
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nta
you two need couple's counseling asap.
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nta i would leave his ass and start the child custody proceedings now. if he is willing to hide money from his pregnant wife what will happen when your child actually needs something like a surgery or some other medical need.
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nta - but if you guys are going to be married, you need to act like it. i know, to each their own, etc. etc. but this is exactly why i'm a strong advocate of households having household finances, and not continuing to live like roommates that have sex. you're perfectly within your rights to be pissed off about someone who's supposed to be your teammate deceiving you like this, no question. but it was gonna happen eventually, given the circumstances.
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esh - your husband has to lend you money? lend? you both have some growing up to do before this baby comes.
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nta holy shit this guy is your husband and would have a problem with you asking for any of that money so he had to “hide” it?? that’s a huge red flag in my book, not to mention the whole day he tried to play it off it all adds up to ‘concerning’.
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esh. you can’t afford gasoline for your cars, but you’re going to have a baby? you actually planned this? you barely have money for food and rent without this $1500 insurance payout and you think having children is a good idea?
and on top of that, you’re now kicking out the father? so you’re now planning on being a single mom who can’t pay her bills? i hope you’re not here looking for sympathy.
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nta. you were paying for a lot of stuff that really isn't that cheap. not to mention he not only got angry but reverted to name calling when you asked him. he also didn't come clean when he got caught initially. i hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
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you are having a baby and you don’t have $20 for gas? and it’s a planned pregnancy? guess i know who’s going to pay for that kid... me
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null | 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband hid $1500 (some insurance payout) from me and he played the whole “i don’t have money for gas” victim part. this money is not part of our savings or anything. anyway, he had been hiding the money for 2 weeks. during those two weeks i bought groceries for us, i paid for our take out food, i offered to pay for his broken windshield, and overall i was concerned about whether or not he had enough money for himself. he saw me struggle putting to put gas in my truck. he let me pay for his car insurance. he heard my concerns and my offers to help him and he did not once tell me not to worry. yesterday i asked him to lend me $20 because a friend invited me somewhere last minute and i didn’t have cash. he got really nervous when i asked him if i could borrow his debit card. he started to act strange. i asked him if he was hiding something from me and he called me crazy and accused me of not believing him. i asked him if he was hiding money from me? and he denied it and said i was paranoid and crazy. he checked his bank account in front of me and acted surprised. he literally shouted, “wow wow wow i have extra money!!!! oh my god this is so awesome!!” and he played the whole i didn’t know part. he continued to argue and i told him that i don’t care about the money i care about honesty. why did he lie? and if he can lie so blatantly about this then he can lie (or has lied) about many things. it took a whole day for him to finally confess that he was hiding the money from me because supposedly i was going to ask for some money if i knew. he said he felt guilty for not telling about it when he saw me struggle with money. today i asked him to leave the house. i called him cruel and deceitful. i told him that i don’t want to be with someone that can lie so blatantly. by the way i’m 6 months pregnant with a very wanted and planned baby. we’ve know each other for 3 years. am i the as*hole for leaving him over this? i’m just so hurt by how easily he lied and called me crazy and paranoid. and now i’m questioning everything in our relationship. maybe his gym sessions are time that he spends with women. i don’t know anything anymore. ***update**** i followed the advice i received here (thank you). he’s back home but staying in the guest room. he came back with a brand new baby car seat (guilt?) and he’s apologizing profusely. we’ll be taking marriage counseling.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband hid $1500 (some insurance payout) from me and he played the whole “i don’t have money for gas” victim part. this money is not part of our savings or anything. anyway, he had been hiding the money for 2 weeks. during those two weeks i bought groceries for us, i paid for our take out food, i offered to pay for his broken windshield, and overall i was concerned about whether or not he had enough money for himself. he saw me struggle putting to put gas in my truck. he let me pay for his car insurance. he heard my concerns and my offers to help him and he did not once tell me not to worry. yesterday i asked him to lend me $20 because a friend invited me somewhere last minute and i didn’t have cash. he got really nervous when i asked him if i could borrow his debit card. he started to act strange. i asked him if he was hiding something from me and he called me crazy and accused me of not believing him. i asked him if he was hiding money from me? and he denied it and said i was paranoid and crazy. he checked his bank account in front of me and acted surprised. he literally shouted, “wow wow wow i have extra money!!!! oh my god this is so awesome!!” and he played the whole i didn’t know part. he continued to argue and i told him that i don’t care about the money i care about honesty. why did he lie? and if he can lie so blatantly about this then he can lie (or has lied) about many things. it took a whole day for him to finally confess that he was hiding the money from me because supposedly i was going to ask for some money if i knew. he said he felt guilty for not telling about it when he saw me struggle with money. today i asked him to leave the house. i called him cruel and deceitful. i told him that i don’t want to be with someone that can lie so blatantly. by the way i’m 6 months pregnant with a very wanted and planned baby. we’ve know each other for 3 years. am i the as*hole for leaving him over this? i’m just so hurt by how easily he lied and called me crazy and paranoid. and now i’m questioning everything in our relationship. maybe his gym sessions are time that he spends with women. i don’t know anything anymore. ***update**** i followed the advice i received here (thank you). he’s back home but staying in the guest room. he came back with a brand new baby car seat (guilt?) and he’s apologizing profusely. we’ll be taking marriage counseling. [/INST] nta. for someone to watch you struggle, ‘feel bad’ but continue with the lie, says a lot about your husband. he is deceitful. he is going to do this again. probably with money, and who knows what else. i hope you have a strong support system! </s>
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AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my best friends wedding?
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this happened in january but the repercussions are still very much happening now.
my husband and i have been trying for a baby for over 5 years. when we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. a few months later i was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. we decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. i found out in november that i’m pregnant and due in early august.
my best friends wedding as, as i said, in january. we have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there. it’s very rare we’re all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one i wanted to share in person and not over the phone. i didn’t make a massive announcement, i simply just people as i saw them. a lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. it drew a bit of attention but nothing major.
my best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about me. i was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. she was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since. aita?
update —- why in the ever loving fuck do people think it’s okay to tell me and my baby to die? screw your head back on
| 9,958 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxzgtl/aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_at_my_best/
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2020-06-06 21:31:37
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yta, you hijacked what's supposed to be *their* special day to make an announcement about *you*.
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yta. what the fuck? it’s her day. it should be all about her and the husband.
you could’ve organized a surprise party later if you wanted people to know that bad.
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yta your best friend’s fucking wedding?? come on.
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like every other post where op makes someone else’s wedding about them... yta
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yta here.
i understand your reasoning, and i don't think you meant any harm, but it's pretty standard wediquette: you don't reveal big news at a wedding. an apology is in order.
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yta. for future reference, an apology is not an apology if it comes with excuses/justifications for the behavior.
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yta. didn't even read your post. you took attention from someone else, a day they paid for and not you. you are the asshole.
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yta, you clearly knew your pregnancy announcement was a huge thing if you wanted to tell everyone in person and have been waiting as long as you have to be able to conceive. weddings and pregnancies are both high on the life achievement board. you should have just had your own party instead of hijacking someone elses.
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i think you know the answer here, op. yta.
this was their night, not yours, and you ruined it for them.
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yta.
flip off with that half-assed excuse.
you knew damn well that sharing your pregnancy announcement, especially after publicized struggles, would be a hugely notable announcement and therefore an asshole move.
you having succeeded in conceiving may be your greatest achievement, but it’s not everyone else’s.
that would be like someone announcing their engagement or pregnancy or wedding at your wedding, your shower, and/or the birth of your child(ren).
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened in january but the repercussions are still very much happening now. my husband and i have been trying for a baby for over 5 years. when we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. a few months later i was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. we decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. i found out in november that i’m pregnant and due in early august. my best friends wedding as, as i said, in january. we have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there. it’s very rare we’re all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one i wanted to share in person and not over the phone. i didn’t make a massive announcement, i simply just people as i saw them. a lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. it drew a bit of attention but nothing major. my best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about me. i was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. she was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since. aita? update —- why in the ever loving fuck do people think it’s okay to tell me and my baby to die? screw your head back on
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened in january but the repercussions are still very much happening now. my husband and i have been trying for a baby for over 5 years. when we went to a fertility doctor, we were told my husband had a low sperm count. a few months later i was diagnosed with endometriosis, making our chances of natural conception incredibly low. we decided we were going to try for another year and then look into adoption. i found out in november that i’m pregnant and due in early august. my best friends wedding as, as i said, in january. we have a big group of friends and we all live pretty far away from each other as well all went to university in different places and moved there. it’s very rare we’re all together and the news of my long awaited pregnancy was one i wanted to share in person and not over the phone. i didn’t make a massive announcement, i simply just people as i saw them. a lot of people knew we were struggling so wanted to see how we were getting on. it drew a bit of attention but nothing major. my best friend dragged me away towards the end of the night and said she was furious with me for making this night all about me. i was apologetic but explained my reasoning and expected her to be happy for me. she was anything but and has made absolutely no effort with me since. aita? update —- why in the ever loving fuck do people think it’s okay to tell me and my baby to die? screw your head back on [/INST] yta, you hijacked what's supposed to be *their* special day to make an announcement about *you*. </s>
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AITA for forcing a special needs child off my child's soccer team because of the actions of her mother?
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my husband and i are 54 and 56. we've been married almost 39 years. yes, we got married at 17 and 19. our daughter was a surprise late in life pregnancy when i was 49. for some reason, i've always looked much younger than my age. i'm usually estimated to be in my early to mid thirties. gets annoying at times now, but it's okay. my grandmother was the same way. my husband looks his age. i worry about the severe generation gap and finding friends with similarly aged kids, so i try to keep up with younger pop culture and technology.
we signed our daughter up for soccer this year. we were at our daughter's soccer practice last saturday, and a mom came up to me when my husband was off getting coffee. we talked, which went well. when my husband came back, she went stone cold and excused herself.
all this week, this woman has launched a campaign against me and my entire family. she thinks my husband and i have a 30-40 year age difference, which is "inappropriate". she thinks our relationship is based on money (?!), that it "sets a bad example for young girls" and i especially should "think about what my daughter is learning". the team parents were starting to be against me, and i needed to respond.
i was infuriated by all of this. i try to keep a mentality of "age only means what you let it" and care for my appearance and stay more modern, but i wouldn't think i'm trophy wife level. i sent a mass email with what i think is a toned down reaction to this woman's judgement and three things: my wedding announcement from 1981, my daughter birth announcement (which showed our ages), and a picture of me heavily pregnant, with my husband, at my 50th birthday party.
the woman was humiliated in front of all of the parents on the team, so much so that she had to leave because they all refused to work with her at all. her child has special needs, and this is one of the most inclusive teams. many of the leagues around won't allow special needs children because they "can't accommodate". i feel bad that now her child can't experience sports, but maybe she earned it? we're not leaving this one because it is more accepting of non-traditional families and works best with our schedule. aita?
| 18,691 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1adq7/aita_for_forcing_a_special_needs_child_off_my/
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2020-02-09 15:49:30
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nta you had to respond. she earned her fate. maybe next time she'll learn to get all the info before gossiping.
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nta. but everyone else in the parent group is.
she tried to make your life difficult by spreading nasty rumors about you. hypothetically, even if you were a young woman in a relationship with a much older man where there was an imbalance of power, shaming and isolating you would be the absolutely wrong move.
>her child has special needs, and this is one of the most inclusive teams.
it may be inclusive towards the kids but they're horrible to adults. that group has a hive mind. first they all start to bond against you based on that one rumor that you married an older man. then they all switch and turn against the woman who tried to bully you.
they all need to butt out and mind their own business instead of shunning a different person every week based on which way the tide turns.
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nta all you did was defend yourself, it was ms. busybody's choice to leave.
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i am a special needs parent, and you are definitely nta. first of all, what a ridiculous thing for someone to get upset about. even if she were right about the circumstances surrounding your marriage, it’s none of her damn business. i love the way you shut her down though! i feel bad for the child, but this is totally the mothers fault. she sounds like the type to blame everyone else and not take any responsibility though...
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alternative story...
you squash the rumours, she man's up for her child and the fact it's the right thing to do and apologises. everyone goes on with their lives and the child gets to enjoy football.....
you didn't do this
nta
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nta - all you did was prove the truth to everyone talking behind your back. it was her idea to pull her daughter from practice instead of being the bigger person and apologising to you
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i have a special needs child. if i acted like a jerk and felt ‘humiliated’, and i felt the opportunity to participate in soccer was beneficial to my child, i’d continue enrolling her and suck up the nasty looks from other parents. nta.
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nta don't you feel bad, she made her bed and ruined an opportunity for her child. that's not on you. you can feel bad for him, but don't blame yourself, that's all her.
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nta
maybe she'll learn that her actions have consequences that affect people besides just herself now.
as an aside, i'm *eleven* years older than my fiancee and i'd be damned if i let someone talk shit about us without knowing anything about our relationship. that woman is horrible and, though it sucks for her child, she got what she deserved.
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"more accepting or non-traditional families"
proceeds to actively insult and shame you for a presumed age-gap and jumps to conclusions you married for money. wow. how inclusive of them.
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are 54 and 56. we've been married almost 39 years. yes, we got married at 17 and 19. our daughter was a surprise late in life pregnancy when i was 49. for some reason, i've always looked much younger than my age. i'm usually estimated to be in my early to mid thirties. gets annoying at times now, but it's okay. my grandmother was the same way. my husband looks his age. i worry about the severe generation gap and finding friends with similarly aged kids, so i try to keep up with younger pop culture and technology. we signed our daughter up for soccer this year. we were at our daughter's soccer practice last saturday, and a mom came up to me when my husband was off getting coffee. we talked, which went well. when my husband came back, she went stone cold and excused herself. all this week, this woman has launched a campaign against me and my entire family. she thinks my husband and i have a 30-40 year age difference, which is "inappropriate". she thinks our relationship is based on money (?!), that it "sets a bad example for young girls" and i especially should "think about what my daughter is learning". the team parents were starting to be against me, and i needed to respond. i was infuriated by all of this. i try to keep a mentality of "age only means what you let it" and care for my appearance and stay more modern, but i wouldn't think i'm trophy wife level. i sent a mass email with what i think is a toned down reaction to this woman's judgement and three things: my wedding announcement from 1981, my daughter birth announcement (which showed our ages), and a picture of me heavily pregnant, with my husband, at my 50th birthday party. the woman was humiliated in front of all of the parents on the team, so much so that she had to leave because they all refused to work with her at all. her child has special needs, and this is one of the most inclusive teams. many of the leagues around won't allow special needs children because they "can't accommodate". i feel bad that now her child can't experience sports, but maybe she earned it? we're not leaving this one because it is more accepting of non-traditional families and works best with our schedule. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are 54 and 56. we've been married almost 39 years. yes, we got married at 17 and 19. our daughter was a surprise late in life pregnancy when i was 49. for some reason, i've always looked much younger than my age. i'm usually estimated to be in my early to mid thirties. gets annoying at times now, but it's okay. my grandmother was the same way. my husband looks his age. i worry about the severe generation gap and finding friends with similarly aged kids, so i try to keep up with younger pop culture and technology. we signed our daughter up for soccer this year. we were at our daughter's soccer practice last saturday, and a mom came up to me when my husband was off getting coffee. we talked, which went well. when my husband came back, she went stone cold and excused herself. all this week, this woman has launched a campaign against me and my entire family. she thinks my husband and i have a 30-40 year age difference, which is "inappropriate". she thinks our relationship is based on money (?!), that it "sets a bad example for young girls" and i especially should "think about what my daughter is learning". the team parents were starting to be against me, and i needed to respond. i was infuriated by all of this. i try to keep a mentality of "age only means what you let it" and care for my appearance and stay more modern, but i wouldn't think i'm trophy wife level. i sent a mass email with what i think is a toned down reaction to this woman's judgement and three things: my wedding announcement from 1981, my daughter birth announcement (which showed our ages), and a picture of me heavily pregnant, with my husband, at my 50th birthday party. the woman was humiliated in front of all of the parents on the team, so much so that she had to leave because they all refused to work with her at all. her child has special needs, and this is one of the most inclusive teams. many of the leagues around won't allow special needs children because they "can't accommodate". i feel bad that now her child can't experience sports, but maybe she earned it? we're not leaving this one because it is more accepting of non-traditional families and works best with our schedule. aita? [/INST] nta you had to respond. she earned her fate. maybe next time she'll learn to get all the info before gossiping. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that our kids don't owe us anything?
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so basically during dinner, the subject of kids came up (can't remember why) and basically all three of our kids don't want bio kids. and our eldest is kinda neutral on the topic of kids and says it's up to his future partner whether or not he adopts.
this has really upset my wife, she says that every parent looks forward to the day they get to become a grandparent. i told her that if any of our kids adopted she would still be a grandma. she got upset and said it's not the same, i told her that they are still kids (17m, 15f, 13f) and that their opinions could change.
during this convocation, i said something along the lines of 'also they don't owe you or me anything, it's their bodies.' this pissed off my wife and she started yelling that there's nothing wrong with her wanting and hoping for real grandkids.
to me it doesn't really matter if they have kids or not, i would love to be a grandparent but that's not my decision. also, they're still kids, them having children is a long way away and their opinions may change as they grow. however, i feel like i could have handled the situation so much better and that what i said was hurtful, so aita?
| 20,906 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mr2w13/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_our_kids_dont_owe/
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2021-04-14 23:35:51
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nta. holy cow at your wife though! hasn't finished rearing her own children and is fretting about grandchildren? and the whole "real grandchildren" thing is gross. i think you handled it perfectly if you were calm and civil.
you are also correct. your children are in charge of their bodies and reproduction choices.
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nta your wife is an asshole for calling adopted kids not real.
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nta - none of your kids are old enough to start giving her grandchildren, but she's pitching a temper tantrum over this??
she needs a hobby or the empty nest bit is going to be torture for everyone - and she's already trying to drive her kids away.
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nta. your wife thinking she has the right to ‘real’ grandkids make her the ah. also she is freaking out about it now when kids are literally in their teens? give me a break lol
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nta
you're right. furthermore, she isnt even being a good mother, putting her selfish whims above her own childrens' wishes and wellbeing.
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nta.
but really... why is this even so serious right now? they're teenagers. i just don't see any reason for this convo to be so heated at their ages. it's an odd pressure to put on them while they are still kids.
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nta, you were 100% correct. they don’t owe her having kids. and an adopted child shouldn’t be any different than a biological one to her especially because she wouldn’t be the one having the child anyway. if she can’t love an adopted child as much as a bio one maybe she needs to reevaluate how much she wants to be a grandparent. definitely a little biased on my part with the adoption thing but either way you’re still nta.
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i was going to say n-a-h to start with because your wife is totally allowed to hope and want grandkids. but it crossed a line for me when she said 'real grandkids'. adopted children are real people. they are real children and real grandchildren.
so, nta but your wife is for her view on adopted children.
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nta, and boy is your wife a piece of work. the man my daughter married already had a daughter ("j"), so to me that was a bonus because she is my first grandchild. j will never be treated any differently than any bio-kids they may have.
it sounds like your wife's mind is so narrow that her scratch pads are an inch wide (no insult intended towards op).
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nta, and your wife could handle it better. but i did feel pretty shitty as a parent when my kids said they didn’t want kids. i thought it personally reflected on me being like a bad mom. but it doesn’t. i just really needed to listen to their thoughts on kids.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically during dinner, the subject of kids came up (can't remember why) and basically all three of our kids don't want bio kids. and our eldest is kinda neutral on the topic of kids and says it's up to his future partner whether or not he adopts. this has really upset my wife, she says that every parent looks forward to the day they get to become a grandparent. i told her that if any of our kids adopted she would still be a grandma. she got upset and said it's not the same, i told her that they are still kids (17m, 15f, 13f) and that their opinions could change. during this convocation, i said something along the lines of 'also they don't owe you or me anything, it's their bodies.' this pissed off my wife and she started yelling that there's nothing wrong with her wanting and hoping for real grandkids. to me it doesn't really matter if they have kids or not, i would love to be a grandparent but that's not my decision. also, they're still kids, them having children is a long way away and their opinions may change as they grow. however, i feel like i could have handled the situation so much better and that what i said was hurtful, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so basically during dinner, the subject of kids came up (can't remember why) and basically all three of our kids don't want bio kids. and our eldest is kinda neutral on the topic of kids and says it's up to his future partner whether or not he adopts. this has really upset my wife, she says that every parent looks forward to the day they get to become a grandparent. i told her that if any of our kids adopted she would still be a grandma. she got upset and said it's not the same, i told her that they are still kids (17m, 15f, 13f) and that their opinions could change. during this convocation, i said something along the lines of 'also they don't owe you or me anything, it's their bodies.' this pissed off my wife and she started yelling that there's nothing wrong with her wanting and hoping for real grandkids. to me it doesn't really matter if they have kids or not, i would love to be a grandparent but that's not my decision. also, they're still kids, them having children is a long way away and their opinions may change as they grow. however, i feel like i could have handled the situation so much better and that what i said was hurtful, so aita? [/INST] nta. holy cow at your wife though! hasn't finished rearing her own children and is fretting about grandchildren? and the whole "real grandchildren" thing is gross. i think you handled it perfectly if you were calm and civil. you are also correct. your children are in charge of their bodies and reproduction choices. </s>
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AITA for DEMANDING my SIL replace the expensive fabric she and her children DESTROYED with EQUAL fabric?
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i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies.
we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids.
on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths.
i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself.
i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out.
after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards.
black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend.
i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric.
of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati.
aita?
**edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric.
**second
| 26,046 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4nn5v/aita_for_demanding_my_sil_replace_the_expensive/
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2019-12-01 21:00:27
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nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances.
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nta. balenciaga makes some ugly ass shit. just because something is "ugly" doesn't mean it's cheap.
so let me make sure i understand: she destroyed $150 worth of fabric (maybe more if it's been discontinued) and tried to replace it with $24? okay, as long as she has included a $126 gift card to joann fabrics. otherwise she is for sure ta.
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nta you texted her the location of the tablecloths so she had no right going through your home to the area where you have your fabric stored. it was an absolute intentional invasion of property to take an item from a cabinet clearly marked “fabric” and pretend it was innocently mistaken as a tablecloth. the replacement fabric was just another slap in the face.
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nta - she went out of her way to get that fabric. or it was a mistake. but there's a difference between a cut of fabric 18 ft long, and a tablecloth which would probably be 5ft - 6ft.
and even if this was a mistake - as soon as i realised my mistake, and your upset i would have apologised and apologised! the fact she didn't handle it like that is horrid
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nta. everyone else has said their piece about replacement, so i'll say this:
check and make sure that all of your valuables, jewelry, important papers, etc. are all accounted for. your sil was so far out of place that she had no reason to be looking around in your bedroom *unless* she was looking for something else first. it certainly doesn't take an aerospace engineer to realize that most people don't keep tablecloths in their **bedroom** closet.
at best, your sil was being a snooping asshole. at worst, well...
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y-t-a for keeping your valuables in an entirely separate and private part of your house op. maybe if you don't want to be held responsible for other people stealing and breaking your belongings, you should purchase a storage unit in a neighboring state. /s
seriously? nta. if this story were about a graphics card, everyone would be on your side. some of the people in this thread need to get out of their moms' basements for once.
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nta
it doesn’t matter what the object was worth, how expensive, how much of an accident it was. someone ruins something of yours they are obligated to repay the cost of the item in full. it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know, it doesn’t matter what she thinks. this is her fault for not paying attention to the labeling.
if someone destroyed my $2k graphics tablet i would not accept a $100 replacement. i would expect the exact brand and model or cash for however much that exact brand and model is running.
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[deleted]
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nta it's not money you lost it's time you spent looking through specialty shops to find this. you can't just hop on amazon and order a new "action comics #1" nor can you do that with this. you went from 0 to 60 pretty quick, but they wasted your fancy shit when you told them what to use. asking for a replacement isn't out of line. you protected your nice things as well as anyone could expect and the argument "i didn't understand it's value" doesn't hold any water either. i don't know shit about wine but if i'm asking for a bottle to cook with, and you point me to one, and i pick a different one from a different room all together, yea i'm the asshole.
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honestly esh solely because you all sound exhausting af
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am steaming mad about this and everyone around me is pretending like i'm being a cunt. i'll let you people decide. first, i sew my own clothes. my husband and i live in a very nice house with a huge room filled with gorgeous sunlight for my hobbies. we hosted thanksgiving. my sil and her three kids were staying with us, despite that she always treats me like shit for preferring pets over kids. on tuesday, as i went to do some last-minute shopping, my sil texted about a tablecloth for her kids to put down while they did christmas ornaments. i walked her through the closet with the very. clearly. marked. tablecloths. i got home 3 hours later and checked in on everyone. when i went into the hobby room where everyone was gathered, i saw it. she pulled my fucking atelier brunette fabric from the closet. marked. fabric. this particular style was discontinued several years ago, but i snagged for $25/yard. i had 6 yards. let me note that fabric is expensive and i have always sourced from thrift stores, deep clearance, etc. this was a gift to myself. i fucking screamed "what the hell are you doing?!" and ran to the table. she looked alarmed and acted like she had no idea what she'd done. her fucking kids spilled all kinds of paint all over the fabric. i told everyone to stop, put down the crafts, and get out. after i fucking cried over that fabric and tried my best to salvage it, i demanded she replace it, and said how. she argued that she had no way of knowing that "ugly ass" fabric was for something other than a tablecloth, because it didn't look like anything anyone would ever wear seriously. i said i expected 6 yards. black friday she and the girls handed me a joann fabric bag. they handed me 6 yards of an absolutely hideous keepsake calico fabric. typically $9.99/yard but on sale for $3.99 this weekend. i asked her if she was being serious, and she said yes, here's 6 yards of ugly ass fabric. i deadpanned "get the fuck out of my house. now." and she got very angry and started arguing with me that it's not her fault that i have expensive taste. i told her to leave, now, and not to come back unless she has equal. quality. fabric. of course i'm being told what an awful, evil person i am because i wouldn't "graciously" accept her insult of shit quality quilting cotton. for those who don't know fabric, this was like presenting someone with a 2001 honda civic after crashing their 2020 maserati. aita? **edited at the request of a poster:** to be very clear, sil had to go *far* out of her way from where i directed her to grab the fabric. it was not even kept in the same room, let alone closet, as the tablecloths which were clearly marked. there was no reason for her to be in the fabric closet. the was not an "honest mistake" by any stretch of the phrase. when we were on the phone, i directed her specifically to the linen closet. she had to deliberately go out of her way to grab the fabric. **second [/INST] nta and please ignore the people telling you that's you're overreacting or seem crazy. if this post was about someone destroying someone's video games or other nerd crap there would be no question. destroying your personal belongings is never excusable under any circumstances. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my friend that his wife isn't disabled?
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i read medical records for a living, including imaging, physical therapy notes, neurologist visits, etc. i work side-by-side with doctors and psychiatrists, and have for 13 years.
i have a friend whose wife suddenly became disabled by back pain, three months after he married her. one day she was active and happy, the next day she was totally debilitated and spends most of each day in bed. she did not suffer an injury.
background: his last wife became disabled and he supported her for years. wife #2 knows this.
i asked to see her imaging and was surprised at what i saw. i told her, "this doesn't explain your pain." in his reports, her doctor described her as having a "heightened response" to pain and said there was nothing more he could do for her.
my friend's life is ruined. she can't work, he can't support them both on his retirement benefits, so he's had to go back to work. at home, he has to massage her and comfort her and do all the housework, shopping, etc. he has no time to himself, can't leave her unattended, and can't bring her with him. she has no insurance, but she's covered by his, now that they're married. he pays all the co-pays.
even before this, she said she couldn't work because of covid, because of age discrimination, because there were no jobs that fit her skill set, because jobs she was overqualified for paid too little, etc. she talked about how she couldn't work in every conversation i had with her.
i've tried asking him leading questions like, "has her doctor discussed anxiety's impact on pain?" and, "what's her doctor's plan? surgery? (no) physical therapy? (didn't help) opiates? (she won't take them) nsaids? (she can't take them) tens unit? (didn't help) acupuncture? (didn't help)" his answer: "they don't know what's causing the pain, so they don't know what to do." this is code for, "the etiology's not physical." if there's a possible physical reason for the pain, a doctor will explain and address it.
i've told him that in all my years, i've never seen this level of suffering from a (benign) condition like hers. i keep hoping he'll put the pieces together: she needs counseling. she needs to see a pain specialist. she's got a host of psychological problems: depression and bulimia are two she'll admit. she appears to have features of a personality disorder or two. she has no friends and her family barely speaks to her. this. is. a. psychological. issue.
i can sit my friend down and explain what the imaging and exams mean including dermatomes and objective signs of impairment like reflexes, impingement tests, strength tests and emgs.
should i? he's a very smart man. he seems to be almost willfully obtuse about this. maybe he's not ready to know, doesn't want to know. maybe i should stay out of it.
| 4,917 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y78r9d/wibta_if_i_told_my_friend_that_his_wife_isnt/
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2022-10-18 14:34:50
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yta for playing doctor. you are unqualified to diagnose anyone, any time, for any reason.
you obviously dislike your friend's wife and believe she's faking. you think the wife is a lazy loafer and your friend is being manipulated into supporting her.
none of this is any of your business. you don't know what you are talking about.
you are cloaking your distaste for the wife by throwing around medical terms you learned from a desk job looking at patient records.
what would be the outcome if you told your friend "in my unqualified opinion, your wife is a lying faker, and you are a sucker and a chump for working like a dog so she can lay around in bed all day?"
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ywbta. i'm not even sure i completely agree with your perspective. there are causes of pain that are not easily detected. plus, if the psychological issue is as bad as this, isn't she disabled anyways?
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yta. he hasn’t asked for your opinion. and you are not a doctor. reading medical charts for a living does not make you qualified to diagnose anyone.
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ywbta, i suddenly one day started with incredible pain and have had numerous tests done and guess what nothing has shown. i’m under the care of some of the top neurologists in my country and so far we’ve discovered that i have a few conditions including fnd which unfortunately doesn’t show on imaging tests. it sounds like she might also have fnd and there isn’t really anything “medical “ they can do, surgery won’t help. it’s a problem with the software in the brain not the hardware, just because you “read” medical records does not make you qualified to diagnose her condition. people like you who think “oh they must be faking” make it more difficult for people like me who have these conditions to be believed. remember not every disability is visible
edited to add that i also have epilepsy and that doesn’t show on my mri yet i’ve had numerous fits in front of my doctors
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**yta**
i've been disabled for over 30 years with multiple very real, very serious neuroimmune conditions acknowledged by several top specialists, literally none of which shows up on standard tests or scans. my medical records look like an encyclopedic mystery of wtf, with seemingly random, unrelated, mostly minor "glitches" that add up to absolutely nothing obvious that would explain why i am as sick as i am. and yet over the course of decades of testing and searching and putting the puzzle pieces together, my doctors realised that there was something very, very wrong.
there are many serious illnesses that there are no tests for, that are diagnoses of exclusion, where they can only rule out what people don't have. there are chronic pain conditions that do not cause inflammation or obvious physical signs because they are neurologically (not "psychologically") based. the fact that you - who are not a doctor - cannot see something on this woman's scans doesn't mean that she isn't legitimately disabled. it only means exactly that: that you cannot see what is causing her disability. you aren't qualified to diagnose her anyway, and frankly, this is why . . . because your reductive "reasoning" would make you a piss poor diagnostician. just because you can't see it on a scan or don't understand it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
mind your own business. you aren't her doctor, and you don't live in her body. and diagnoses don't confer illnesses, just names for the ones that people are already living with. yta.
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is this the same friend you posted about four days ago complaining about not wanting to be her confidant anymore?
https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/y3tkp8/-/isa91nd
in that post, it's obvious you already have some resentment towards her because of your own personal baggage. it's not surprising that you found a way to "prove" she's faking so you can feel better about not wanting to be her friend anymore.
no one asked for your "medical" advice, keep your biased opinions to yourself. yta
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why on earth do you think this is any of your business?
as a disabled person, i would be livid if any of my friends - much less someone who apparently isn’t a doctor themselves - took it upon themselves to ‘verify’ my disability. this is my sensitive personal information and no one is entitled to ask for it unless it is as part of my care (eg *they are my doctor*). you are massively overstepping boundaries here.
if, as it sounds, you aren’t even medically qualified but simply ‘read records’ then you are so much ta that i can’t believe that you even have to ask. i suspect if you were medically qualified you’d state that, so i am inferring that you are simply working adjacent to doctors and psychiatrists and somehow think you’re qualified to diagnose a medical condition by osmosis?
moreover, you are fundamentally misunderstanding disability. if, as you say, you don’t believe she’s faking, she is clearly disabled within a legal definition. the fact that they don’t know what is causing the disability does not amount to her not being disabled.
i also want to make abundantly clear that you’re potentially overstepping and doing something extremely problematic. i suffer from a debilitating medical condition that is now recognised, but 30 years ago was said to be psychological. there are a raft of illnesses in this same bracket, and they’re typically ones which still aren’t understood by modern medicine. it does not mean they are psychological and it is offensive as all get out to tell someone their physical suffering is psychological, particularly when you aren’t their medical professional at all nor qualified in the particular specialism of their symptoms and therefore able to conclude that it isn’t that. even then, no remotely professional doctor would determine it was purely psychological from a quick look at records because they would realise that they need to exclude a huge raft of conditions before reaching that conclusion.
yta and honestly, ableist for deciding that some years of reading people’s medical records qualifies you to determine someone - who isn’t your patient, whose records you’ve seen once - doesn’t have a condition with a physiological origin.
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in my opinion ywbta if you did that. you're not a doctor, despite your work experience, and even if you were you're not her doctor. anything you say will be dismissed and may have the added effect of having you fall out with your friend, in which case you're unable to support him in any way. you've already done what i would consider the most intense thing you can: gently offer a leading opinion and give him food for thought. at the end of the day he's a grown man eihout impediments who makes his own decisions. all pushing harder and leveling accusations against his wife will do is make you an enemy when that's likely the last thing you want to be here. i don't disagree with your assessment but hitting harder at the point with your friend isn't going to achieve what you hope and might make it so your friend winds up isolated from outside perspectives all together
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do you have a valid medical reason to read those notes? do you have consent to share information about the contents with a third party? are you qualified clinically?
regardless of motive, if you share information improperly, you're a.massive a. patient confidentiality is sacrosanct unless there's a lack of capacity, an overriding public interest or something illegal has occured. breaking confidence can mean losing your job through gross misconduct and bringing your employer into disrepute.
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you read reports - you are not a doctor. mind your business. it took 10 years for me to be diagnosed with lupus and many, many more years to be diagnosed with an additional 4 during a particularly bad flare up. yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i read medical records for a living, including imaging, physical therapy notes, neurologist visits, etc. i work side-by-side with doctors and psychiatrists, and have for 13 years. i have a friend whose wife suddenly became disabled by back pain, three months after he married her. one day she was active and happy, the next day she was totally debilitated and spends most of each day in bed. she did not suffer an injury. background: his last wife became disabled and he supported her for years. wife #2 knows this. i asked to see her imaging and was surprised at what i saw. i told her, "this doesn't explain your pain." in his reports, her doctor described her as having a "heightened response" to pain and said there was nothing more he could do for her. my friend's life is ruined. she can't work, he can't support them both on his retirement benefits, so he's had to go back to work. at home, he has to massage her and comfort her and do all the housework, shopping, etc. he has no time to himself, can't leave her unattended, and can't bring her with him. she has no insurance, but she's covered by his, now that they're married. he pays all the co-pays. even before this, she said she couldn't work because of covid, because of age discrimination, because there were no jobs that fit her skill set, because jobs she was overqualified for paid too little, etc. she talked about how she couldn't work in every conversation i had with her. i've tried asking him leading questions like, "has her doctor discussed anxiety's impact on pain?" and, "what's her doctor's plan? surgery? (no) physical therapy? (didn't help) opiates? (she won't take them) nsaids? (she can't take them) tens unit? (didn't help) acupuncture? (didn't help)" his answer: "they don't know what's causing the pain, so they don't know what to do." this is code for, "the etiology's not physical." if there's a possible physical reason for the pain, a doctor will explain and address it. i've told him that in all my years, i've never seen this level of suffering from a (benign) condition like hers. i keep hoping he'll put the pieces together: she needs counseling. she needs to see a pain specialist. she's got a host of psychological problems: depression and bulimia are two she'll admit. she appears to have features of a personality disorder or two. she has no friends and her family barely speaks to her. this. is. a. psychological. issue. i can sit my friend down and explain what the imaging and exams mean including dermatomes and objective signs of impairment like reflexes, impingement tests, strength tests and emgs. should i? he's a very smart man. he seems to be almost willfully obtuse about this. maybe he's not ready to know, doesn't want to know. maybe i should stay out of it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i read medical records for a living, including imaging, physical therapy notes, neurologist visits, etc. i work side-by-side with doctors and psychiatrists, and have for 13 years. i have a friend whose wife suddenly became disabled by back pain, three months after he married her. one day she was active and happy, the next day she was totally debilitated and spends most of each day in bed. she did not suffer an injury. background: his last wife became disabled and he supported her for years. wife #2 knows this. i asked to see her imaging and was surprised at what i saw. i told her, "this doesn't explain your pain." in his reports, her doctor described her as having a "heightened response" to pain and said there was nothing more he could do for her. my friend's life is ruined. she can't work, he can't support them both on his retirement benefits, so he's had to go back to work. at home, he has to massage her and comfort her and do all the housework, shopping, etc. he has no time to himself, can't leave her unattended, and can't bring her with him. she has no insurance, but she's covered by his, now that they're married. he pays all the co-pays. even before this, she said she couldn't work because of covid, because of age discrimination, because there were no jobs that fit her skill set, because jobs she was overqualified for paid too little, etc. she talked about how she couldn't work in every conversation i had with her. i've tried asking him leading questions like, "has her doctor discussed anxiety's impact on pain?" and, "what's her doctor's plan? surgery? (no) physical therapy? (didn't help) opiates? (she won't take them) nsaids? (she can't take them) tens unit? (didn't help) acupuncture? (didn't help)" his answer: "they don't know what's causing the pain, so they don't know what to do." this is code for, "the etiology's not physical." if there's a possible physical reason for the pain, a doctor will explain and address it. i've told him that in all my years, i've never seen this level of suffering from a (benign) condition like hers. i keep hoping he'll put the pieces together: she needs counseling. she needs to see a pain specialist. she's got a host of psychological problems: depression and bulimia are two she'll admit. she appears to have features of a personality disorder or two. she has no friends and her family barely speaks to her. this. is. a. psychological. issue. i can sit my friend down and explain what the imaging and exams mean including dermatomes and objective signs of impairment like reflexes, impingement tests, strength tests and emgs. should i? he's a very smart man. he seems to be almost willfully obtuse about this. maybe he's not ready to know, doesn't want to know. maybe i should stay out of it. [/INST] yta for playing doctor. you are unqualified to diagnose anyone, any time, for any reason. you obviously dislike your friend's wife and believe she's faking. you think the wife is a lazy loafer and your friend is being manipulated into supporting her. none of this is any of your business. you don't know what you are talking about. you are cloaking your distaste for the wife by throwing around medical terms you learned from a desk job looking at patient records. what would be the outcome if you told your friend "in my unqualified opinion, your wife is a lying faker, and you are a sucker and a chump for working like a dog so she can lay around in bed all day?" </s>
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AITA for forcing my daughter to babysit her half-sibling?
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i have a daughter \[16f\] with my first wife. we’ve been divorced for 6 years and both of us remarried partners. her so already had two kids \[now 12/7\] when they got married and they have two kids together \[3/10mo\]. my wife and i have two kids \[also 3/13mo coincidentally\]. my ex has custody most of the year but my daughter stays with us on on alternating school breaks and summer. she has her own room and we give her a lot of space, and my wife is very respectful towards her. she is a very responsible girl for her age. but she is also a typical teenager and very moody.
i would never expect her to babysit them regularly but i asked her to watch 3yo while we took 10mo to a scheduled doctor’s appointment that afternoon. we both needed to be there as we're slightly concerned about an aspect of 10mo's development. i didn’t think it would be big deal but she said nope i don’t feel like it. i said do you have plans she said nope i just don’t feel like it he's annoying and i want to watch tv. i said you don’t need to do anything with him he’s 3 and it’s for a few hours at most, and she said no and actually maybe i’ll make plans if you’re going to be a d\*\*\* about it. i was mad at the disrespectful naming and told her this was special circumstances and part of being in a family.
she babysits for my ex’s kids all the time and posts pictures of herself with them all the time. my 3yo is getting older now and starting to pick up her negativity. she is cold to them all the time.
she finally agreed in a very annoyed way and it was all fine, but then she complained to my ex who is now pissed at me.
| 3,894 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tta177/aita_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_babysit_her/
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2022-03-31 21:18:52
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yta. you had this doctor's appointment scheduled but apparently made no attempt at making childcare plans until that morning, then tried to guilt her into doing it. if you want her to form a bond with her sibling, that is not the way to go about it. she's not an unpaid babysitter, she's your daughter.
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info: i think we’re missing some massive details here. why is she happy to watch her half siblings from her mom’s side, but not yours? why is her attitude so different?
i’d be willing to bet that this is isn’t about the 3 y/o, it’s about you. you shouldn’t be asking us “why won’t she watch my kid?”. you should be asking yourself “what have i done to make her resent me, and her half siblings by extension?”
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yta. that's not her kid. any babysitting she does for you (especially on short notice and/or for free) is a favor.
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yta. you asked. she answered. you didn’t like the answer so you guilted and demanded. so it wasn’t a request. it was a forced servitude thing. don’t try to pretend it was some loving *family* whatever.
the fact that your daughter willingly spends time with her other siblings and that her mother is upset with you (knowing the mother also requests that her oldest babysit the little ones in that house) indicates that there’s more to this story.
i’m guessing you won’t have to worry about your oldest being around a lot in the future.
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yta.
you only have "alternating school breaks and summer" custody time-- that means her relationship with you is inherently going to be different than her relationship with her mom, and her relationship with your children is inherently going to be different from the relationship she has with her mom's who she lives with most of the time. stop comparing how she behaves for her mom and how she behaves for you and consider all these relationships individually.
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yta.
she joyfully babysits your ex’s kids because they are her family.
your kids are your do-over family, not hers. she’s only at your place every other school break and during the summer. she clearly doesn’t see them as her family.
stop asking her to babysit your kids. she’s 16. if you piss her off, she’ll stop coming to your house at all.
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yta. it was a scheduled appointment, it’s not an emergency. your lack of planning on this isn’t her problem. you had ample time to organise a baby sitter or organise in advance with her. instead you spring it on her the morning of and bully her into saying yes. no is a complete sentence.
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yta. you knew about the appointment. you should have hired a babysitter ahead of time instead of waiting until the last minute to ask your daughter. lack of planning on your part is not an emergency on her part.
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yta she didn’t choose to have a kid you did. take care of the kid yourself or hire a babysitter. she is probably tired of watching little kids at her moms and just wanted a break. she should at minimum be being paid to if she is being forced to do your job and take care of your kid.
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yta.
also babysitting a 12/7 yr old vs babysitting a 3 yr old is massively different. you make no mention about how your relationship with her is. you make no mention of how her relationship with your kids are. like everything is so matter of fact that it doesn't even sound like you like your daughter. like have you tried doing things with her one-on-one or is everything needing to include your new kids?
"she babysits for my ex’s kids all the time and posts pictures of herself with them all the time." ok cool, but what have you done to integrate her with your family? nothing? don't expect her to consider your kids family because they're not, they're just strangers with 50% matching dna.
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YTA
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INFO
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| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a daughter \[16f\] with my first wife. we’ve been divorced for 6 years and both of us remarried partners. her so already had two kids \[now 12/7\] when they got married and they have two kids together \[3/10mo\]. my wife and i have two kids \[also 3/13mo coincidentally\]. my ex has custody most of the year but my daughter stays with us on on alternating school breaks and summer. she has her own room and we give her a lot of space, and my wife is very respectful towards her. she is a very responsible girl for her age. but she is also a typical teenager and very moody. i would never expect her to babysit them regularly but i asked her to watch 3yo while we took 10mo to a scheduled doctor’s appointment that afternoon. we both needed to be there as we're slightly concerned about an aspect of 10mo's development. i didn’t think it would be big deal but she said nope i don’t feel like it. i said do you have plans she said nope i just don’t feel like it he's annoying and i want to watch tv. i said you don’t need to do anything with him he’s 3 and it’s for a few hours at most, and she said no and actually maybe i’ll make plans if you’re going to be a d\*\*\* about it. i was mad at the disrespectful naming and told her this was special circumstances and part of being in a family. she babysits for my ex’s kids all the time and posts pictures of herself with them all the time. my 3yo is getting older now and starting to pick up her negativity. she is cold to them all the time. she finally agreed in a very annoyed way and it was all fine, but then she complained to my ex who is now pissed at me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a daughter \[16f\] with my first wife. we’ve been divorced for 6 years and both of us remarried partners. her so already had two kids \[now 12/7\] when they got married and they have two kids together \[3/10mo\]. my wife and i have two kids \[also 3/13mo coincidentally\]. my ex has custody most of the year but my daughter stays with us on on alternating school breaks and summer. she has her own room and we give her a lot of space, and my wife is very respectful towards her. she is a very responsible girl for her age. but she is also a typical teenager and very moody. i would never expect her to babysit them regularly but i asked her to watch 3yo while we took 10mo to a scheduled doctor’s appointment that afternoon. we both needed to be there as we're slightly concerned about an aspect of 10mo's development. i didn’t think it would be big deal but she said nope i don’t feel like it. i said do you have plans she said nope i just don’t feel like it he's annoying and i want to watch tv. i said you don’t need to do anything with him he’s 3 and it’s for a few hours at most, and she said no and actually maybe i’ll make plans if you’re going to be a d\*\*\* about it. i was mad at the disrespectful naming and told her this was special circumstances and part of being in a family. she babysits for my ex’s kids all the time and posts pictures of herself with them all the time. my 3yo is getting older now and starting to pick up her negativity. she is cold to them all the time. she finally agreed in a very annoyed way and it was all fine, but then she complained to my ex who is now pissed at me. [/INST] yta. you had this doctor's appointment scheduled but apparently made no attempt at making childcare plans until that morning, then tried to guilt her into doing it. if you want her to form a bond with her sibling, that is not the way to go about it. she's not an unpaid babysitter, she's your daughter. </s>
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AITA for leaving orange peels in the bathroom?
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to start off, i apologize for the weird formatting, currently posting this on mobile.
in the last few months, i discovered r/showerorange . to save you a click, the subreddit revolves around the daily routine of eating an orange in the shower in a primal way. anyways, i thought i'd give it a try and instantly became a fan. everyday i wake up, grab my orange, take my shower and go on with my day. pretty harmless, right? well here's where things get controversial: i tend to leave my peel in the shower on a shelf because i like the smell of citrus and think it does a nice job of covering up any other smells from the bathroom. when i take my next shower, i remove the old peel and rinse and repeat.
i never thought this was an issue until my sister "kindly" informed me that it was barbaric and i "shouldn't leave leave food to rot in the bathroom ". since i replace the peel everyday, i thought there would be no harm in my actions but some of my family agrees that it is a little weird. so reddit, aita?
tl:dr
i eat oranges in the shower, leave the peel until the next day. now my sister is calling me barbaric for leaving food in the bathroom.
| 3,735 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4sstg/aita_for_leaving_orange_peels_in_the_bathroom/
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2019-09-16 00:01:06
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yta. i asked you nicely to throw it away after cleaning it up multiple times before. i never called you “barbaric” either. the trash can is two feet away. we have candles.
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yta. if this was your personal shower, you can do what you want, but in a shared space you can’t leave discarded food for other people to have to deal with and think it’s okay.
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yta. its garbage you're leaving behind, and you're eating in the bathroom.
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yta - it's a shared bathroom (i'm assuming), and you're leaving rubbish lying around. if it was your personal bathroom i'd understand but since other people want to use it and it makes them feel uncomfortable then clean up after yourself
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even though you replace the peel with a fresh one daily, the fact remains there is always food skins left around in the bathroom and that isn't appreciated. get some pot pourri if you want a natural air freshener in there, otherwise food waste goes in a bin. mild yta.
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yta. how do you eat an orange “in a primal way”? this is is bizarre
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yta- throw away your orange peels.
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yta, clean up after your self
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yta but this is hilarious lol just throw it away in the bathroom trash can - it'll still make the bathroom smell good and your family won't have to bathe in your leftovers.
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yta. your shower is a shared space, you have a responsibility to clean up your garbage.
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to start off, i apologize for the weird formatting, currently posting this on mobile. in the last few months, i discovered r/showerorange . to save you a click, the subreddit revolves around the daily routine of eating an orange in the shower in a primal way. anyways, i thought i'd give it a try and instantly became a fan. everyday i wake up, grab my orange, take my shower and go on with my day. pretty harmless, right? well here's where things get controversial: i tend to leave my peel in the shower on a shelf because i like the smell of citrus and think it does a nice job of covering up any other smells from the bathroom. when i take my next shower, i remove the old peel and rinse and repeat. i never thought this was an issue until my sister "kindly" informed me that it was barbaric and i "shouldn't leave leave food to rot in the bathroom ". since i replace the peel everyday, i thought there would be no harm in my actions but some of my family agrees that it is a little weird. so reddit, aita? tl:dr i eat oranges in the shower, leave the peel until the next day. now my sister is calling me barbaric for leaving food in the bathroom.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to start off, i apologize for the weird formatting, currently posting this on mobile. in the last few months, i discovered r/showerorange . to save you a click, the subreddit revolves around the daily routine of eating an orange in the shower in a primal way. anyways, i thought i'd give it a try and instantly became a fan. everyday i wake up, grab my orange, take my shower and go on with my day. pretty harmless, right? well here's where things get controversial: i tend to leave my peel in the shower on a shelf because i like the smell of citrus and think it does a nice job of covering up any other smells from the bathroom. when i take my next shower, i remove the old peel and rinse and repeat. i never thought this was an issue until my sister "kindly" informed me that it was barbaric and i "shouldn't leave leave food to rot in the bathroom ". since i replace the peel everyday, i thought there would be no harm in my actions but some of my family agrees that it is a little weird. so reddit, aita? tl:dr i eat oranges in the shower, leave the peel until the next day. now my sister is calling me barbaric for leaving food in the bathroom. [/INST] yta. i asked you nicely to throw it away after cleaning it up multiple times before. i never called you “barbaric” either. the trash can is two feet away. we have candles. </s>
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AITA for buying my 5th property rather than help out my siblings?
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for context, even when i (44m) was a child i was incredibly into owning property and designing houses. i work as an architect and am doing quite well for myself. bought my first duplex here in germany along time ago where i rent out both part. then i own two houses in italy and one in spain. two of them are get rented out as holiday homes while the last one i use for vacations and rent out a room to a friend of mine. so i have a lot of passive income at the moment, but only after a lot of time and money investments and refurbishing of these houses. (i rent in nyc at the moment as my job has moved made me move here temporarily).
my brother (48m) does an apartment. he has a family with two kids while my wife and i are childless. they are currently looking to purchase a house that fits all of them nicely. while they have found their dream house, its out of budget for them. meanwhile, my wife and i are about to buy our 5th house, this time in france. it's going to be one of our largest purchases yet, significantly larger than anything else we have done. its a great deal on the property however, and ideally what my wife and i want to retire in.
when having a family facetime with my siblings and parents, i brought it up. initially very happy for me, my brother mentioned how he needs a larger home for his family and how i should give up on this opportunity to give him money for his house and spend the rest on refurbishing their new home. i just laughed and said flat out no. (
| 21,719 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/glf7om/aita_for_buying_my_5th_property_rather_than_help/
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2020-05-17 13:14:28
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nta. you shouldn’t have to pay for your brother’s house. he should live within his means. besides, money between family members can be a more dividing issue than most.
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nta at all.
fwiw, i'm your brother in my life. i have two kids in an apartment and just can't afford to purchase what we need right now. my sil just bought her third home and i'll admit there's always twinges of jealousy and the fleeting thought that it'd be nice if she'd help us out. but that's just me being a brat. obviously i'm not entitled to someone else's money.
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absolutely nta and on top of that, beggars can't be choosers. i find it insulting that they were insulted that you offered to *buy their dream house and rent it to them for zero profit*
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yta. i don't think you are necessarily an asshole to your brother, but you're definitely an asshole for fucking with economies of countries you don't even live in by buying up properties then either leaving them empty or renting them out as 'vacation houses' (airbnb, almost certainly), therefore taking up needed space and pricing out locals. having lived in both europe and america, the n t a s you're getting are from americans, mostly, who see this level of greed as morally neutral at worst. nobody should own five fucking houses.
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nta
first off, i believe when there's an expectation of gratitude to the point of getting upset at not receiving it, it becomes greed. plain old selfish greed.
it's admirable you decided to turn the biggest gain in your home owning "career" thus far, into a gift for your family, with a very reasonable landlord agreement.
they are being ridiculously entitled for just assuming their better off relatives are obligated to give them a house for free.
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esh - you're shit for rubbing your success and wealth in the face of your family who you know are struggling. they're shit for expecting you to help them out and being angry that you won't. you're also the asshole for owning 5 properties, which is more than anyone can reasonably need. people like you are the cause of inflated housing prices that keep folk like your brother from being able to afford a single property.
and if you're thinking of saying that you don't rub it into their faces...any time you mention it you're rubbing it in. when you announce to them that you're buying your biggest every house yet, in yet another country, you're rubbing it in.
the polite and civilised way to be wealthy and successful is to not rub it in the faces of the less fortunate. and also to find ways to help the less fortunate. i'm not saying you need to buy his house for him, but maybe there's ways you can help him financially that would really help him out.
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yta for sucking wealth out of countries that aren't your own.
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esh. your brother sucks for seeming to fully expect you to not only buy him a house but also refurbish and outfit it just because you can. particularly when (you believe) he could afford a suitable house on his own. it’s one thing to ask for some assistance on a down payment or something, but expecting a gift like that to the point of being actually angry when it’s denied is foolish and greedy. i can understand his desire not to have his brother as a landlord while still not owning property, honestly, though he certainly could’ve handled the offer better.
but also... dude. you knew he was in that situation and feeling very frustrated, and you brought up buying the most stuff expensive property of your five houses to him? just as a conversation starter? that sucks and you know it sucks. i know people have different and ostensibly valid opinions about owning houses in other countries, excess wealth, whatever. i don’t care about that because i don’t know the details of how you’ve handled those decisions. you’re also under no obligation to buy someone else a whole damn house just because you can, and the whole exchange would be tainted now even if you wanted to do it. but in terms of relating to and being respectful of/kind to your sibling... not cool.
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esh. your brother is out of order, but i am not a supporter of having more than one property, especially since you're saying they might be mostly empty throughout the year, maybe only have people in there during the season etc. it just fuels the rich-poor divide so i can't support that. people are searching for their first home and can't buy it because people like you have 5 and rent them out on air bnb or similar.
that being said, renting to him for free for a year or two would have really helped their finances and they should have taken up the good offer you privided them with. they feel just as entitled as you do.
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yta. dude, you can retire in any of your other 4 properties. damn, you can even retire in a 5th property you will probably have the money to buy soon. it would cost virtually nothing to you to help.
not mentioning the fact that you are speculating and rising the rent price from the places you bought your houses.
i'm from a spanish city were locals are getting fucked by "entrepreneurs" like you. maybe the same one where you are having your vacation house (many germans around pulling this kind of business). this may come from my personal struggle, but i hope they ban you all and give houses back to the neighbours.
i know the main reasoning here in reddit is usually "you can do whatever you want with your money and its alright", but imo, there are ethical boundaries with the things you can do, even if its perfectly legal.
just sell one of you "vacation rental" properties and help your brother out. you'll be doing a lot of people a favour.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.793225 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, even when i (44m) was a child i was incredibly into owning property and designing houses. i work as an architect and am doing quite well for myself. bought my first duplex here in germany along time ago where i rent out both part. then i own two houses in italy and one in spain. two of them are get rented out as holiday homes while the last one i use for vacations and rent out a room to a friend of mine. so i have a lot of passive income at the moment, but only after a lot of time and money investments and refurbishing of these houses. (i rent in nyc at the moment as my job has moved made me move here temporarily). my brother (48m) does an apartment. he has a family with two kids while my wife and i are childless. they are currently looking to purchase a house that fits all of them nicely. while they have found their dream house, its out of budget for them. meanwhile, my wife and i are about to buy our 5th house, this time in france. it's going to be one of our largest purchases yet, significantly larger than anything else we have done. its a great deal on the property however, and ideally what my wife and i want to retire in. when having a family facetime with my siblings and parents, i brought it up. initially very happy for me, my brother mentioned how he needs a larger home for his family and how i should give up on this opportunity to give him money for his house and spend the rest on refurbishing their new home. i just laughed and said flat out no. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, even when i (44m) was a child i was incredibly into owning property and designing houses. i work as an architect and am doing quite well for myself. bought my first duplex here in germany along time ago where i rent out both part. then i own two houses in italy and one in spain. two of them are get rented out as holiday homes while the last one i use for vacations and rent out a room to a friend of mine. so i have a lot of passive income at the moment, but only after a lot of time and money investments and refurbishing of these houses. (i rent in nyc at the moment as my job has moved made me move here temporarily). my brother (48m) does an apartment. he has a family with two kids while my wife and i are childless. they are currently looking to purchase a house that fits all of them nicely. while they have found their dream house, its out of budget for them. meanwhile, my wife and i are about to buy our 5th house, this time in france. it's going to be one of our largest purchases yet, significantly larger than anything else we have done. its a great deal on the property however, and ideally what my wife and i want to retire in. when having a family facetime with my siblings and parents, i brought it up. initially very happy for me, my brother mentioned how he needs a larger home for his family and how i should give up on this opportunity to give him money for his house and spend the rest on refurbishing their new home. i just laughed and said flat out no. ( [/INST] nta. you shouldn’t have to pay for your brother’s house. he should live within his means. besides, money between family members can be a more dividing issue than most. </s>
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AITA for “outing” my sister to her kids?
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her kids were having a sleepover. we’ve always had this picture of my family up from when we were really young, and this was the first time her kids ever asked about it. she has also seen the picture and never commented on it. they asked who she was in the picture.
my sister started transitioning in high school so i don’t really think of her as “trans.” like i know she wasn’t always a woman but old pictures of her are just pictures of her to me. and i sort of assume people know and it’s not a big dark secret.
naturally, i responded honestly. i told them that was their mom, her daughter said she looked like a boy, and i said she was. i tried to explain that she was a boy but now she’s not and her son thought it was funny, but it made her daughter really upset. i was surprised she kept it from them.
it didn’t come up again after that, her and her husband picked the kids up eventually and neither kid seemed upset about it. overall it was a pretty good sleepover.
a few hours later, i have her husband on the phone asking what i said and calling me “insane.” he said my sister is “distraught.” he was saying i outed her and how cruel that was, but kids are pure. outing means nothing to them because you can teach them empathy and understanding. there’s nothing to be afraid of, being outed to a kid.
still i did out her, which i apologized for. i eventually got her on the phone and she said she’s really upset with me but she understands i didn’t mean to cause any harm. i asked her if she was ever planning to tell her kids and she said she wasn’t sure. i was shocked at that. my sister isn’t typically a dishonest person. at all. both kids even know they’re adopted. i told her i did her kids a favour, which i believe, and then she said i’m never sorry about anything.
i think outing is horrible, but in this situation, was it justified? my husband also agrees it’s the kind of lie that would have left her children distrustful of her in the future.
| 6,188 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qqj6po/aita_for_outing_my_sister_to_her_kids/
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2021-11-10 01:54:20
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yta.
that conversation was not your place, period. you should have told her to ask her parents about it and moved on. i understand that you didn’t intend to cause a problem, but being thoughtless about something can still be being an ah. i’m glad it doesn’t seem to be causing a permanent rift between you and your sister, but definitely yta here.
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yta. big time.
that was a conversation for your sister to have with the kids when she was ready. it’s not your story to tell. you could have just deferred that situation to your sister. now it can’t be taken back and you robbed her of her ability to do this on her terms. she’s the parent and it’s not your place to decide what is deceptive or not when it comes to her identity.
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yeah yta. you say in your post "i told her i did her kids a favour, which i believe", meaning you aren't remorseful after all, even though you claim that outing someone is horrible. once someone transitions, that identity they are is who they are. it's wrong to reveal information like that. it's not her being "dishonest", your sister is a *woman*. not a man. just like you lie to kids about santa claus, it's not your place to tell them what's "true" and "not true".
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>> i told her i did her kids a favour
no, no you did not.
you overstepped, offered an insincere apology (which is obvious since you doubled down on your actions), and made a choice to tell two small children something that *wasn’t in the realm of decisions for you to make for them.*
>> my sister isn’t typically a dishonest person
at no point is choosing to not tell her *six- and eight-year-old children* that she is transgender while they are still so young dishonest.
if she chose to *never* tell them that she transitioned, it *still* wouldn’t be dishonest. for all intents and purposes, your sister is a woman and *no one is entitled to know differently without her expressed consent.*
yta
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yta
that was not your place to tell, you never out someone no matter what.
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yta you said yourself that her daughter was upset, and from the post you seem to have no remorse for outing her at all. all i see from this is i feel, i think etc. and no consideration for your sister at all. even if i were to offer you consideration for "accidentally" outing her, you didn't call her afterwards to tell her what happened, apologize and give them the night to figure out what to say to their kids when they got home and you allowed them to be blindsided. then you had the nerve, when she was being honest about being conflicted regarding telling them, to say you are glad you did it.
with all that, you come off as pretty selfish and like the kind of person who thinks their opinion is the only correct opinion. and i'm not surprised your sister thinks you're never sorry about anything, if that's how you approach situations where you are objectively wrong.
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y t a -a monumental ah. it’s almost like you couldn’t wait to do it.. as if the truth wasn’t rolling fast enough for you.
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yta. you’re not trans so, not your place to even out her and they aren’t your kids. you can’t fathom the ramifications of your dumbass decision to out her to their kids. i hate when cis people say it’s lying when trans people don’t immediately out themselves, you’re the disgusting person. if you were my sibling , i’d block you and never let you see me, my husband, or my kids again. the kids say some to other kids at school they get beat up or worst a deranged parent transphobic person at school kills your sister or her kids cause of this i hope you live with regret and let it eat at you forever. signed an actual trans person.
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it's kind of hard to believe that you didn't know your sister hadn't told the kids, or that you thought it wouldn't be a big deal. i don't know, maybe that's a bit harsh, but certainly when the kids started asking about the picture, and seemed confused because mom look like a boy, that should have clued you in that they didn't know, and you should have known that it wasn't your place to discuss that with them. i agree that they should know at some point, but it's your sister's choice when and how they find out. yta, because you should have spoken to your sister about this first.
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i know this word has been overused, but i thinks it’s justified in this case: your privilege shines through this post like a spotlight. you don’t get to decide whether queer people have anything to fear being outed to children—not only can that absolutely be dangerous (they could tell the wrong adults, a conservative school, a church, etc.), you also do not get to decide how queer people describe themselves to their children. this was up to your sister and her husband to handle. this could do permanent damage to their relationship with their daughter. it is very clear that you have no idea what it’s like to be a queer parent, so stop assuming you know what’s best for your sister and her family. yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: her kids were having a sleepover. we’ve always had this picture of my family up from when we were really young, and this was the first time her kids ever asked about it. she has also seen the picture and never commented on it. they asked who she was in the picture. my sister started transitioning in high school so i don’t really think of her as “trans.” like i know she wasn’t always a woman but old pictures of her are just pictures of her to me. and i sort of assume people know and it’s not a big dark secret. naturally, i responded honestly. i told them that was their mom, her daughter said she looked like a boy, and i said she was. i tried to explain that she was a boy but now she’s not and her son thought it was funny, but it made her daughter really upset. i was surprised she kept it from them. it didn’t come up again after that, her and her husband picked the kids up eventually and neither kid seemed upset about it. overall it was a pretty good sleepover. a few hours later, i have her husband on the phone asking what i said and calling me “insane.” he said my sister is “distraught.” he was saying i outed her and how cruel that was, but kids are pure. outing means nothing to them because you can teach them empathy and understanding. there’s nothing to be afraid of, being outed to a kid. still i did out her, which i apologized for. i eventually got her on the phone and she said she’s really upset with me but she understands i didn’t mean to cause any harm. i asked her if she was ever planning to tell her kids and she said she wasn’t sure. i was shocked at that. my sister isn’t typically a dishonest person. at all. both kids even know they’re adopted. i told her i did her kids a favour, which i believe, and then she said i’m never sorry about anything. i think outing is horrible, but in this situation, was it justified? my husband also agrees it’s the kind of lie that would have left her children distrustful of her in the future.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
her kids were having a sleepover. we’ve always had this picture of my family up from when we were really young, and this was the first time her kids ever asked about it. she has also seen the picture and never commented on it. they asked who she was in the picture. my sister started transitioning in high school so i don’t really think of her as “trans.” like i know she wasn’t always a woman but old pictures of her are just pictures of her to me. and i sort of assume people know and it’s not a big dark secret. naturally, i responded honestly. i told them that was their mom, her daughter said she looked like a boy, and i said she was. i tried to explain that she was a boy but now she’s not and her son thought it was funny, but it made her daughter really upset. i was surprised she kept it from them. it didn’t come up again after that, her and her husband picked the kids up eventually and neither kid seemed upset about it. overall it was a pretty good sleepover. a few hours later, i have her husband on the phone asking what i said and calling me “insane.” he said my sister is “distraught.” he was saying i outed her and how cruel that was, but kids are pure. outing means nothing to them because you can teach them empathy and understanding. there’s nothing to be afraid of, being outed to a kid. still i did out her, which i apologized for. i eventually got her on the phone and she said she’s really upset with me but she understands i didn’t mean to cause any harm. i asked her if she was ever planning to tell her kids and she said she wasn’t sure. i was shocked at that. my sister isn’t typically a dishonest person. at all. both kids even know they’re adopted. i told her i did her kids a favour, which i believe, and then she said i’m never sorry about anything. i think outing is horrible, but in this situation, was it justified? my husband also agrees it’s the kind of lie that would have left her children distrustful of her in the future. [/INST] yta. that conversation was not your place, period. you should have told her to ask her parents about it and moved on. i understand that you didn’t intend to cause a problem, but being thoughtless about something can still be being an ah. i’m glad it doesn’t seem to be causing a permanent rift between you and your sister, but definitely yta here. </s>
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AITA for not calling MIL to apologize after reviewing the security footage?
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i am currently planning a wedding with my incredible fiance "ryan" ryan's mom "kate" does not approve to say the least. she has been pretty rude to me over the years and i know she doesn't like me. ryan has lowered contact a lot due to this, but i do suck it up sometimes because she is his mom.
we decided to invite her for a brief visit as it is the holiday season. we are in the midst of wedding planning right now and have wedding stuff all over the house. the latest addition is this gorgeous sculpture made of white and pink roses of cinderella's carriage (wedding is having a slight princess theme which kate claims is cheesy)
ryan and i went out to run some errands and left kate home as she said she would cook dinner. when i got home the carriage was ruined and kate was acting weird. she said it "didn't matter what happened" because she knows we are going to "think the worst of her" and she knows her son "is never going to defend her" i lost it and began crying while ryan demanded to know what happened. kate's boyfriend insisted it was an accident, but kate said it didn't matter and she would pack her stuff and leave. at this point i totally thought she did it on purpose and lost it. i screamed at her and to be honest said some hurtful things about her divorce and losing her son.
kate packed her stuff and went. ryan then suggested we check out the security camera. so we did and she was spinning and fell. she had been drinking a lot of wine. in the video she immidiatley began crying and said we were never going to believe her, who would believe this was an accident after our history, and that she just ruined her relationship with her son. her boyfriend literally said "who cares about their stupid fucking wedding? you are bleeding"
when ryan saw this he called her and tried to apologize (left a voicemail) he asked me to do the same as it was truly an accident. i said i wasn't ready to apologize as she made it all about herself and didn't even try to tell me the truth. she was willing to ruin her relationship with her son instead of trying to be honest, and she didn't correct her boyfriend when he said "stupid fucking wedding"
ryan thinks i need to apologize and said he is disappointed in me. a couple family members are agreeing and saying kate is the victim here.
| 3,635 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxm4a8/aita_for_not_calling_mil_to_apologize_after/
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2022-12-28 21:50:00
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yta.
can you honestly say you would have believed her had she said it was an accident? because her boyfriend said it was an accident and you didn’t believe him. your behavior was way out of line.
it is a “stupid fucking wedding” when it comes down to the importance of your fmils health vs. a sculpture.
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esh
mother was drunk and fell over something and broke it. refused to explain what happened, drama initiated.
op "screamed at her" and somehow decided to bring her divorce into it.
the boyfriend was worried about her injury and bleeding more than he cared about the wedding. this does not make him a bad person.
op should absolutely apologize for the things she said, like apologize in a really, really big way. mother needs to learn to be a little less dramatic when shit happens while shes drunk.
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nta, she's the one who decided to get that drunk, the accident that happened because of that decision is still her fault.
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nta. it was still her fault even if it was an accident. and she could’ve communicated with you about the situation. the bf is an ah. don’t feel sorry because in the end of the day your property was damaged.
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nta. this sounds like she planned it - destroying your wedding item in such a way that she can make you the bad guy for your reaction.
spinning around while drunk! what is she, a six year old? or someone trying to make it look like an accident?
people who have genuine accidents explain, apologise and offer to replace the item. they don’t send their flying monkeys to blame you.
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nta.
did she even offer to pay for it? she came to your house and got plastered drunk and ruined your statue, then she started being aelf-deprecating and playing the victim. she could've just said "look, i fell on it, i'm sorry. let me try to pay you for the damage" not "aw, poor me, i'm always the villain, i'll just grab my toys and run home"
how old is this woman?
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esh. 1. she should’ve been an adult and told
you it was an accident- it would’ve avoided the entire situation . 2. when you realized it was an accident you should’ve swallowed your pride and said “i know you didn’t do this on purpose, i’m sorry i jumped to that conclusion.” 3. you can’t hold her responsible for her boyfriends asinine comment.
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seems to be weird events leading up to the accident… like mil getting drunk, why would she be spinning and to do it near this floral arrangement all seems suspicious and not a very responsible thing to do, she certainly not 5… if you want to spin go outside.
but if you are in the wrong and truly was an accident, then an apology is in order, and maybe while you are at it, you can just clear the entire air about your alls issues with each other, after all you and her will be in each others lives for the long haul after getting married
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esh.
unfortunately kate laid the groundwork for this, so even when it wasn't her fault, her previous behavior had set her up for failure.
that said, she could have made a big stink about it and didn't. she was willing to leave and let you think the worst of her. instead, you screamed at her and went beyond just the rose incident, which made you an ah. refusing to apologize for actually being wrong is another ah move.
don't worry about the "who cares" comment - it was said in a moment of panic and doesn't need to be over-analyzed.
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yta and be honest even if she had said it was an accident and said what happened you wouldn’t have believed her. so why bother try. she also knows her son will take your side no matter what.
grow up and apologize.
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
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YTA
| 0.770882 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am currently planning a wedding with my incredible fiance "ryan" ryan's mom "kate" does not approve to say the least. she has been pretty rude to me over the years and i know she doesn't like me. ryan has lowered contact a lot due to this, but i do suck it up sometimes because she is his mom. we decided to invite her for a brief visit as it is the holiday season. we are in the midst of wedding planning right now and have wedding stuff all over the house. the latest addition is this gorgeous sculpture made of white and pink roses of cinderella's carriage (wedding is having a slight princess theme which kate claims is cheesy) ryan and i went out to run some errands and left kate home as she said she would cook dinner. when i got home the carriage was ruined and kate was acting weird. she said it "didn't matter what happened" because she knows we are going to "think the worst of her" and she knows her son "is never going to defend her" i lost it and began crying while ryan demanded to know what happened. kate's boyfriend insisted it was an accident, but kate said it didn't matter and she would pack her stuff and leave. at this point i totally thought she did it on purpose and lost it. i screamed at her and to be honest said some hurtful things about her divorce and losing her son. kate packed her stuff and went. ryan then suggested we check out the security camera. so we did and she was spinning and fell. she had been drinking a lot of wine. in the video she immidiatley began crying and said we were never going to believe her, who would believe this was an accident after our history, and that she just ruined her relationship with her son. her boyfriend literally said "who cares about their stupid fucking wedding? you are bleeding" when ryan saw this he called her and tried to apologize (left a voicemail) he asked me to do the same as it was truly an accident. i said i wasn't ready to apologize as she made it all about herself and didn't even try to tell me the truth. she was willing to ruin her relationship with her son instead of trying to be honest, and she didn't correct her boyfriend when he said "stupid fucking wedding" ryan thinks i need to apologize and said he is disappointed in me. a couple family members are agreeing and saying kate is the victim here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am currently planning a wedding with my incredible fiance "ryan" ryan's mom "kate" does not approve to say the least. she has been pretty rude to me over the years and i know she doesn't like me. ryan has lowered contact a lot due to this, but i do suck it up sometimes because she is his mom. we decided to invite her for a brief visit as it is the holiday season. we are in the midst of wedding planning right now and have wedding stuff all over the house. the latest addition is this gorgeous sculpture made of white and pink roses of cinderella's carriage (wedding is having a slight princess theme which kate claims is cheesy) ryan and i went out to run some errands and left kate home as she said she would cook dinner. when i got home the carriage was ruined and kate was acting weird. she said it "didn't matter what happened" because she knows we are going to "think the worst of her" and she knows her son "is never going to defend her" i lost it and began crying while ryan demanded to know what happened. kate's boyfriend insisted it was an accident, but kate said it didn't matter and she would pack her stuff and leave. at this point i totally thought she did it on purpose and lost it. i screamed at her and to be honest said some hurtful things about her divorce and losing her son. kate packed her stuff and went. ryan then suggested we check out the security camera. so we did and she was spinning and fell. she had been drinking a lot of wine. in the video she immidiatley began crying and said we were never going to believe her, who would believe this was an accident after our history, and that she just ruined her relationship with her son. her boyfriend literally said "who cares about their stupid fucking wedding? you are bleeding" when ryan saw this he called her and tried to apologize (left a voicemail) he asked me to do the same as it was truly an accident. i said i wasn't ready to apologize as she made it all about herself and didn't even try to tell me the truth. she was willing to ruin her relationship with her son instead of trying to be honest, and she didn't correct her boyfriend when he said "stupid fucking wedding" ryan thinks i need to apologize and said he is disappointed in me. a couple family members are agreeing and saying kate is the victim here. [/INST] yta. can you honestly say you would have believed her had she said it was an accident? because her boyfriend said it was an accident and you didn’t believe him. your behavior was way out of line. it is a “stupid fucking wedding” when it comes down to the importance of your fmils health vs. a sculpture. </s>
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AITA for taking away my niece's flower girl duty the day of the wedding?
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got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day.
for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did.
during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself.
on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother.
my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job.
as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber.
| 12,874 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dc2rg6/aita_for_taking_away_my_nieces_flower_girl_duty/
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2019-10-02 00:41:45
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yta for not just having two flower girls. like, why was this even an issue in the first place?
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yta for making it so incredibly obvious that you were picking amber over katie in the first place that you gave credibility to amber's bullying. there was no reason you couldn't have 2 flower girls. you played favorites, then realized it was problematic when amber exaggerated the same reasoning that lead to your initial decision.
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yta for choosing your flower girl based on who was cuter. who the hell are you to be judging an 8 year old kid on how cute she is? sounds like bullying runs in the family.
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yta. i have 4 nieces and all 4 of them were flower girls at my wedding. why choose just one, and the "cute" one at that? sounds like you created your own drama just for pretty pictures
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esh except katie. why didn't you choose them both? they wear pretty dresses and throw a few flowers. the parents bask in reflected glory. you get married. why choose one over the other.
amber sucks for bullying. her dad sucks for not having your back over his daughter's behaviour.
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yta. amber is eight. she's parroting the attitudes of those around her. i have a cousin my age and this happened to us all the time. our family would treat me like the cute one and her like the good one, and we fell into our respective roles and we fought all the time. it took until we were adults to see the ways in which we were constantly encouraged to compete with each other.
you're surprised to hear amber call katie ugly when you basically did the same damn thing in your rationale for excluding katie from your wedding in the first place.
you have two nieces. your job is to love them both, treat them both with respect and model positive behavior. do better.
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yta you picked your flower girl based on who was cuter wth.
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yta
> the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i
it could be cause someone who is trying to convince us they're an adult is pitting them against each other.
> i was too caught up in myself.
this i have absolutely no difficulty believing. self-absorption sounds like a default operating mode for you, wedding or no.
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>as someone who was bullied myself growing up
oh, did you learn bullying is bad?
>unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her.
no, you did not. yta for bullying an 8 year old. and who even says you can't have two flower girls?
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esh
you for not just having two flower girls and playing favourites. (and especially for choosing one based on her appearance, like way to teach her that appearance is most important, no wonder she said that to the other one)
you brother for raising a bratty bully.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day. for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did. during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself. on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother. my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job. as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
got married last weekend and had a lovely day, but had some commotion early on the wedding day. for flower girl, we had a choice between my two nieces, amber and katie. they're both eight and it was a tough decision. unfortunately for my perfect day i felt shallow and since amber has more of a typical angelic ''cute'' appearance (very long hair, glasses, big smile) i picked her. her parents also convinced me she deserved it because she got top marks in some assessment her school did. during the wedding prep katie and her dad (my brother) kept telling me that amber had been bullying her about the fact she didn't get the job. the girls have never liked each other for reasons i don't know. i didn't pay too much mind to it since i was too caught up in myself. on the wedding morning i got to witness the bullying myself and it was pretty cruel. amber (and keep in mind this is an eight year old child) told katie that she'd never get married because she's too ugly. i could imagine how upsetting this would be for a child and i made amber apologise and also took away the flower girl job and gave it to katie. amber was crying throughout the wedding day, and for the past days i haven't heard anything from her dad my other brother. my husband and i are going away on our honeymoon on thursday, and i was anxious to get in touch with my brother before we leave. he finally called me and was extremely angry at me for taking the job away from his daughter. he said amber has been crying the past two days and felt really humiliated, and was really looking forward to the job. as someone who was bullied myself growing up, it felt like the right thing to do after amber's behaviour towards katie. i can't imagine how upsetting those comments would be, and at that point katie, who had never been anything other than well behaved deserved it more than amber. [/INST] yta for not just having two flower girls. like, why was this even an issue in the first place? </s>
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AITA for not accommodating a vegan guest?
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longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner.
so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle.
our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now.
during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue.
however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it.
my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita?
| 21,398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmlcx3/aita_for_not_accommodating_a_vegan_guest/
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2019-10-24 19:28:23
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yta
"**hey guys, come to my dinner party and we'll cook everything for you, oh except you sarah**, you can bring your own food cos we don't wanna put any effort in to accommodate you.".
how difficult is it to cook a couple dishes that are vegan? you could have even asked her for some tips or help but no.
huge yta.
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info: do you mean to say you have been cooking for this woman for more than a year and have never once prepared even a single course she could eat?
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i... i mean i get it, i suppose. but dude she's been coming over a year and a half and it's not that hard to make vegan food, it does seem like you guys are deliberately excluding her. you don't have to make a full meal, you can make at least one dish she can eat though.
&#x200b;
yta
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yta. really? you can’t even make one dish vegan? they’ve been dating over a year and a half, and you continued to invite them over knowing she’s vegan. it does seem like deliberate exclusion. you don’t have to redo your entire menu, but jesus, at least have something there for her to eat. it’s not that difficult, and it shows respect for your friend and his girlfriend.
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yta. your brilliant hosting consists of providing a chair.
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yta
>i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person.
no one is expecting you to do that.
>we never provided **any dishes** she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her.
you don't make any dishes or side dishes that just happened to be vegan or could easily be altered? like a salad with roasted pine nuts, dried fruit, basic vinaigrette, but hold the cheese for her? potatoes roasted with olive oil and herbs?
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yta why invite someone for a dinner party if you can't be bothered to cook for them
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yta if you have never even had one vegan dish in this entire time she has been coming.
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did she seriously had to bring her own food this whole time?
the first time is pretty normal, but after that you just were horrible hosts.
while unintentionally your behavior obviously gave her the impression you didn’t care enough to make an effort and incorporate a vegan dish.
sorry, yta if you provide food for all your guests except her.
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info: why do you hate sarah?
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner. so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle. our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now. during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue. however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it. my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
longtime lurker here. hoping some of you guys can weigh in on what has become a really frustrating situation with a close friend and his partner. so my wife (29f) and i (29m) have been hosting dinner parties a few times a year for as long as we’ve lived in our current city. we like to go all out and cook elaborate multi-course meals, so we limit our invitations to just a few close friends, since cooking such a complex dinner is an all-day affair and the food costs add up quickly. we have about four to six people we invite to these events, depending on their availability, and it’s become a great tradition in our social circle. our friend james started dating his girlfriend sarah about a year and a half ago, and when we first extended her an invitation, we were informed that sarah was vegan. i thanked james for letting us know and said she was more than welcome to bring her own food so she would have something to eat. he agreed, and the two of them have been attending our parties regularly for the past year. everything was fine, until now. during our most recent dinner this past week, we noticed that sarah was very quiet and looked like she was about to cry. my wife asked her what was wrong, but she told us not to worry about it and kept dodging the question, so we didn’t push the issue. however, after the meal, james took us aside privately and told us that sarah felt hurt because we never provided any dishes she could eat at our dinners and it seemed like we were deliberately excluding her. he added that he thought we were being rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her, which really pissed me off, and we got into a huge argument over it. my wife feels terrible that sarah was so upset and apologized to her and james profusely, but i don’t agree that we did anything wrong. i like sarah very much as a person and i don’t have anything against her dietary choices, but i don’t believe it’s fair to expect us to change our entire menu or make an entire separate meal for one person, especially when so much time and effort goes into creating these dinners. for the record, nobody else has any dietary restrictions. aita? [/INST] yta "**hey guys, come to my dinner party and we'll cook everything for you, oh except you sarah**, you can bring your own food cos we don't wanna put any effort in to accommodate you.". how difficult is it to cook a couple dishes that are vegan? you could have even asked her for some tips or help but no. huge yta. </s>
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AITA for booking up an entire row of seats just for myself?
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for reference this, all happened before the lockdown and orders to shelter in place.
i (32f) broke my leg in two places a couple of months ago and was placed in a full leg cast. i took convalescent leave and decided to fly to my home state. i'm originally from ca but stationed in nc this is relevant so everyone understands the time frame for the flight in question.
to avoid any added pain and to be able to prop my leg up i paid for the entire row of seats. thank god for miles points. flying can cause swelling so i wanted to alleviate it for myself as much as possible. when i got onto my flight i sat in the window seat and stretched my leg out across the seats.
when everyone else started boarding a couple approached me asking if anyone was sitting next to me. i said no, no one is sitting next to me because i bought out the entire row of seats. so the husband (an older man maybe mid-40s?) asked if they could use the vacant seats because she wanted to sit next to his wife. i politely told him i'm sorry sir but no i need them that's why i paid for all three. he kept at it but i stood firm that these were my seats.
the called the flight attendant came over because we were starting to make a scene and asked me to put my leg down and not occupy the other seats. i again explained i paid for all three seats and showed her the tickets. she told me while i did pay for the seats i was being rather selfish as it was a booked up flight and said couldn't i just be more accommodating to others.
i was extremely pissed off at this point i mean it was blatant i had a broken leg. i told her no i'm not going up my seats not sitting together is the risk you take if you book late. i pointed down at my cast and said shouldn't you be more accomodating to me actually considering i'm the one with an obvious medical issue?
they left calling me a selfish bitch. but i don't think i was i paid for all three seats so i wouldn't inconvenience anyone else. i've talked it over with some friends and most are on my side while others have said i was a bit of an ah i should have just given up the seats and sucked it up. but it was a 5+ hour flight for fuck's sake.
| 21,992 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fpctvz/aita_for_booking_up_an_entire_row_of_seats_just/
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2020-03-26 14:53:49
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nta. i'm curious, did the flight attendant or the couple offer to reimburse you for these seats or did they just expect you to donate your (fairly expensive, let's be honest) seats to prevent them the awful pain of a 5 hour separation?
i'm with the other commenter on filing a formal report. it was fine for the attendant to ask, but shaming and harassing you for your answer was way beyond the pale.
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nta.
you booked those seats and paid for them, if anything the flight attendant was being rude (i would honestly consider making a formal complaint about them).
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nta.
you paid for those seats. you paid ridiculously expensive airline prices for those seats. for the duration of that flight, those were your seats.
anyone who would expect you to give them up is an asshole and an idiot.
the overly entitled couple who wanted to take your seats are assholes. your 'friends' who think you were an asshole for not throwing your money away and enduring a lot of discomfort to convenience a pair of assholes who had not even offered to reimburse you for your seats are also assholes and maybe not your friends after all.
any airline employee who would try to pressure you to give up seats you paid for without full compensation? also assholes.
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nta. you paid for the seats so they're yours. i don't understand people who *have* to sit by their so. y'all are on the same plane and going to the same place. if they wanted seats next to each other then they should have booked it in advance and not try to bully an injured person into giving up their seats they paid for in advance. they can fuck off with their entitlement.
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nta. i’d report that flight attendant for trying to make you give away seats you paid for.
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nta. it's hardly a big inconvenience to not be able to sit next to your partner for 5 hours. it *is* a major inconvenience for you to not be able to prop your *broken leg* up for 5 hours.
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flight attendant here!
nta.
i've seen this exact scenario and similar ones play out, and i always say that since you literally paid for all 3 seats, obviously those are yours. i applaud and admire passengers who think ahead like this.
it is insanely frustrating when a couple books late, takes the basic economy fare--so they actually have to click a button to agree to not have seats together if that's the way it works out--and doesn't ask the gate agent (who is actually in charge of seats), then comes on a full plane and asks others to accommodate them.
you did exactly what the airline recommends, and i would have cheerfully explained that to the couple if i had been the one working your flight. i'm honestly sorry you had to experience this, you didn't deserve that hostility at all.
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[removed]
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>she told me while i did pay for the seats i was being rather selfish
yeah you should report her. she's has no right to do that to a customer who paid for the seats. nta
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nta. if you wanted to book every seat on the plane for yourself and the airline lets you then its you right to sit in them as your please barring safety concerns.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for reference this, all happened before the lockdown and orders to shelter in place. i (32f) broke my leg in two places a couple of months ago and was placed in a full leg cast. i took convalescent leave and decided to fly to my home state. i'm originally from ca but stationed in nc this is relevant so everyone understands the time frame for the flight in question. to avoid any added pain and to be able to prop my leg up i paid for the entire row of seats. thank god for miles points. flying can cause swelling so i wanted to alleviate it for myself as much as possible. when i got onto my flight i sat in the window seat and stretched my leg out across the seats. when everyone else started boarding a couple approached me asking if anyone was sitting next to me. i said no, no one is sitting next to me because i bought out the entire row of seats. so the husband (an older man maybe mid-40s?) asked if they could use the vacant seats because she wanted to sit next to his wife. i politely told him i'm sorry sir but no i need them that's why i paid for all three. he kept at it but i stood firm that these were my seats. the called the flight attendant came over because we were starting to make a scene and asked me to put my leg down and not occupy the other seats. i again explained i paid for all three seats and showed her the tickets. she told me while i did pay for the seats i was being rather selfish as it was a booked up flight and said couldn't i just be more accommodating to others. i was extremely pissed off at this point i mean it was blatant i had a broken leg. i told her no i'm not going up my seats not sitting together is the risk you take if you book late. i pointed down at my cast and said shouldn't you be more accomodating to me actually considering i'm the one with an obvious medical issue? they left calling me a selfish bitch. but i don't think i was i paid for all three seats so i wouldn't inconvenience anyone else. i've talked it over with some friends and most are on my side while others have said i was a bit of an ah i should have just given up the seats and sucked it up. but it was a 5+ hour flight for fuck's sake.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for reference this, all happened before the lockdown and orders to shelter in place. i (32f) broke my leg in two places a couple of months ago and was placed in a full leg cast. i took convalescent leave and decided to fly to my home state. i'm originally from ca but stationed in nc this is relevant so everyone understands the time frame for the flight in question. to avoid any added pain and to be able to prop my leg up i paid for the entire row of seats. thank god for miles points. flying can cause swelling so i wanted to alleviate it for myself as much as possible. when i got onto my flight i sat in the window seat and stretched my leg out across the seats. when everyone else started boarding a couple approached me asking if anyone was sitting next to me. i said no, no one is sitting next to me because i bought out the entire row of seats. so the husband (an older man maybe mid-40s?) asked if they could use the vacant seats because she wanted to sit next to his wife. i politely told him i'm sorry sir but no i need them that's why i paid for all three. he kept at it but i stood firm that these were my seats. the called the flight attendant came over because we were starting to make a scene and asked me to put my leg down and not occupy the other seats. i again explained i paid for all three seats and showed her the tickets. she told me while i did pay for the seats i was being rather selfish as it was a booked up flight and said couldn't i just be more accommodating to others. i was extremely pissed off at this point i mean it was blatant i had a broken leg. i told her no i'm not going up my seats not sitting together is the risk you take if you book late. i pointed down at my cast and said shouldn't you be more accomodating to me actually considering i'm the one with an obvious medical issue? they left calling me a selfish bitch. but i don't think i was i paid for all three seats so i wouldn't inconvenience anyone else. i've talked it over with some friends and most are on my side while others have said i was a bit of an ah i should have just given up the seats and sucked it up. but it was a 5+ hour flight for fuck's sake. [/INST] nta. i'm curious, did the flight attendant or the couple offer to reimburse you for these seats or did they just expect you to donate your (fairly expensive, let's be honest) seats to prevent them the awful pain of a 5 hour separation? i'm with the other commenter on filing a formal report. it was fine for the attendant to ask, but shaming and harassing you for your answer was way beyond the pale. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin that her social media presence is pretentious and weird?
| 13,992 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pfu83c/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_that_her_social_media/
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2021-09-01 13:46:13
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yta she actually sounds pretty cool. it also sounds like you don't understand what she's studying or talking about so instead of being a normal caring person and asking her about it, you call her pretentious.
lots of people use social media to talk about their work. it sounds like she's doing well and has a lot going for her. and you sound a bit jealous
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yta she’s doing what a lot of people do on social media: sharing her passions. sometimes people only post their pets or their kids. some only upload gym selfies/workout videos or their favorite recipes. her passion just happens to be something you can’t relate to. she’s not required to cater her posts to you. belittling her for sharing her passions is just outright rude.
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yta. oof. i feel bad for cousin. sounds like you were itching for an opportunity to put her down.
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yta. she's into academics. so what ? at least, she doesn't bully people like you did with her because she doesn't keep up with the kardashians or whatever you're into.
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yta. dimming her light didn’t make yours brighter. glad you’re not my cousin.
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[deleted]
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yta. do you police everyone's social media like that or just people smarter than you? what a rude and unnecessary comment to make.
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yta. she’s probably trying to build a network within her future field. she’s probably trying to curate colleagues and make her social media look good so that if future employers google her they will find someone who is serious about their field of study.
this totally makes sense. you don’t have to be a dick about it.
though what you could possibly suggest is that your cousin make a separate insta for just family shit. dogs and stuff. or if you want to feel closer to all your cousins, set up a group text.
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yta and you seem to spend way too much time on facebook.
you seem bitter. it’s too bad you think that she should dumb down her profile just because you don’t understand what she’s talking about. you know google exists, right? you could also ask her.
your whole post smacks of insecurity. she’s not pretentious for being heavily involved in her field. you do know that people who are on that track basically live and breathe their academic work for awhile? her profile reflects her life and activities right now. the only person who thinks she’s better than you is probably you.
using facebook normally doesn’t make her an ah.
i’ll tell you one thing though, she’s probably bored af around you. especially with your attitude.
reading helps broaden the mind, you should do more of it. you may not have to say “i don’t even know what that means” as often
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yta
~~info~~
what exactly makes it "pretentious"? if her life currently is academics and learning, and she's really excited about it, and she's not bragging or bringing other people down, then what's the problem? i'm not asking you to link her page so we can see for ourselves, but we're going to need more examples than "pictures of conferences" since at this stage in her life, she's dedicated to getting her degree for her field(s) of study so that's likely all you're going to see.
after gathering more info, i'm going to have to say it's on you guys. more so on the two that didn't have the stones to tell her what they thought to her face. but yeah, you need to apologize, and let her know why you thought it was pretentious. ball will be in her court from there.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta she actually sounds pretty cool. it also sounds like you don't understand what she's studying or talking about so instead of being a normal caring person and asking her about it, you call her pretentious. lots of people use social media to talk about their work. it sounds like she's doing well and has a lot going for her. and you sound a bit jealous </s>
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AITA for going off on my wife after she made a sex sign to keep my mom from knocking on our bedroom door?
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so i’ve been married to my wife for 4 years. we have a medium sized apartment. for the last 2 months, my mother has been staying of and on in our guest room. my dad recently passed away and it’s hard for her to live in their house alone, so i’ve been letting her stay with us. my wife and her have never particularly got along, but i expected her to understand why it’s important to me that she overlook this just for a little while. i mean she lost her husband of 40 years, she’s fragile and i really want to be able to do what i can to make her feel better.
my moms presence has changed our routine a little bit. mainly our nighttime routine. she’ll usually come knock on our door to talk. my wife hates this. partially because it interrupts our intimacy. usually when she’s over we just don’t make love.
so this past week i noticed my mom wasn’t coming in at night. so we had normal nighttime habits. yesterday mom pulled me aside and told me that the sign i let my wife put on the door at night was disgusting and not something she ever needed to know. she also said it that she was very hurt that i don’t want to speak to her since i’m all she has left now.
i told her i had no idea what she was talking about. she said the sign about sex. i still had no idea and talked to my wife about it when she got home. she admitted to it. she said that she made a sign to keep my mom out of our hair at nights. on the sign was written, “please do not disturb unless you want to see me fucking your son”.
she thought it was funny was necessary but i was mad about it. i took the sign crumpled it up and tossed it in the garbage. i then went off on my wife about how inappropriate abs embarrassing this was. she told me it’s my fault that we needed this and it’s just joke. i slept on the couch last night and she’s still pissed at me.
aita?
| 12,978 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ukq0rg/aita_for_going_off_on_my_wife_after_she_made_a/
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2022-05-08 00:18:22
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yta. you need to set boundaries with your mother and not let her intrude on your marriage. my mother is my best friend and when my father died after 46 years of marriage, she wouldn't dream of intruding on me like this. the sign might have been crass but it sounds like your wife has had enough.
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yta there’s 24 hours in the day and your mom can only seem to talk to you when it’s bedtime?
i understand wanting to support your mother, but she’s going to be co dependent on you if you keep allowing her to stomp on boundaries. she’s already started to plant seeds of manipulation of “you’re all i have left”. making you feel guilty.
my grandma lost my grandpa after 50 years of marriage. she moved houses, and developed her own routine so she could grow as a individual. she said change and not be dependent on others is what keeps her going. she misses my grandpa dearly but is happy where she is in life.
your mother needs to start finding herself again. in ways that don’t involve you.
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yta, look at that you went from being intimate on a daily basis to sleeping on the couch all because you couldn’t stand up to your mother.
next time tell your mother you need be intimate with your wife and you guys can chat in the morning.
ps: i love your wife’s sign.
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[removed]
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yta
when my dad died, my mom lost her partner of 33 years. you know what she didn’t do? move in with me and my (now ex) husband. and when she visited she would never knock on a closed bedroom door to talk at night because that is exactly how your walk in on your adult child fucking.
this sounds like deliberate cock blocking on your mom’s part because she is lonely, your relationship is enmeshed, and she is parentifying you to get her emotional needs met. and you can’t say no for some reason.
either take your wife’s side and set some fucking boundaries with your mother, or enjoy sleeping on the couch and lawyer up for the inevitable divorce.
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dude, you're being hella dense right now. yes, grief is rough, but that doesn't give your mom the right to literally disrupt you and your wife's intimacy. grief is not an excuse to trample boundaries. did your wife even have a say in your mom staying with you? and why does your mom need to talk when you're already in bed with your spouse? cut the umbilical cord already, geez.
yta.
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[deleted]
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yta. just unilaterally inviting someone else to live with you *indefinitely* and expecting your wife to "just deal with it" is bad enough already, but having *no* boundaries and just letting your mom constantly intrude through *closed* bedroom doors is ***really*** bad. "dropping everything in the middle of important *relationship time*" is something that should be reserved for emergencies-only, *not* because "mommy wants to talk." jfc, this is some momma's boy bs...
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[removed]
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esh. the sign may have been too much, but so is you allowing your mom to ruin your private time and come to your bedroom at night to talk.
i feel for your mother, i do, but you have your own life and she needs to respect that. i'm not saying she's trying to replace your dad with you, but she's trying to fill those new and strange voids in her life with your company--even at inappropriate moments. and when you don't respond, she's guilting you for it. that's not healthy for anyone.
when you retire for the night, that should be a boundary she respects. you need to set up other times to talk, or keep the conversations to other parts of the house, but once you go to bed, she needs to respect that and your marriage. the sign may have been over the line in its verbiage, but it's nothing that isn't true. what a married couple does on their time, in their bed, is no one's business.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.000893 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i’ve been married to my wife for 4 years. we have a medium sized apartment. for the last 2 months, my mother has been staying of and on in our guest room. my dad recently passed away and it’s hard for her to live in their house alone, so i’ve been letting her stay with us. my wife and her have never particularly got along, but i expected her to understand why it’s important to me that she overlook this just for a little while. i mean she lost her husband of 40 years, she’s fragile and i really want to be able to do what i can to make her feel better. my moms presence has changed our routine a little bit. mainly our nighttime routine. she’ll usually come knock on our door to talk. my wife hates this. partially because it interrupts our intimacy. usually when she’s over we just don’t make love. so this past week i noticed my mom wasn’t coming in at night. so we had normal nighttime habits. yesterday mom pulled me aside and told me that the sign i let my wife put on the door at night was disgusting and not something she ever needed to know. she also said it that she was very hurt that i don’t want to speak to her since i’m all she has left now. i told her i had no idea what she was talking about. she said the sign about sex. i still had no idea and talked to my wife about it when she got home. she admitted to it. she said that she made a sign to keep my mom out of our hair at nights. on the sign was written, “please do not disturb unless you want to see me fucking your son”. she thought it was funny was necessary but i was mad about it. i took the sign crumpled it up and tossed it in the garbage. i then went off on my wife about how inappropriate abs embarrassing this was. she told me it’s my fault that we needed this and it’s just joke. i slept on the couch last night and she’s still pissed at me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i’ve been married to my wife for 4 years. we have a medium sized apartment. for the last 2 months, my mother has been staying of and on in our guest room. my dad recently passed away and it’s hard for her to live in their house alone, so i’ve been letting her stay with us. my wife and her have never particularly got along, but i expected her to understand why it’s important to me that she overlook this just for a little while. i mean she lost her husband of 40 years, she’s fragile and i really want to be able to do what i can to make her feel better. my moms presence has changed our routine a little bit. mainly our nighttime routine. she’ll usually come knock on our door to talk. my wife hates this. partially because it interrupts our intimacy. usually when she’s over we just don’t make love. so this past week i noticed my mom wasn’t coming in at night. so we had normal nighttime habits. yesterday mom pulled me aside and told me that the sign i let my wife put on the door at night was disgusting and not something she ever needed to know. she also said it that she was very hurt that i don’t want to speak to her since i’m all she has left now. i told her i had no idea what she was talking about. she said the sign about sex. i still had no idea and talked to my wife about it when she got home. she admitted to it. she said that she made a sign to keep my mom out of our hair at nights. on the sign was written, “please do not disturb unless you want to see me fucking your son”. she thought it was funny was necessary but i was mad about it. i took the sign crumpled it up and tossed it in the garbage. i then went off on my wife about how inappropriate abs embarrassing this was. she told me it’s my fault that we needed this and it’s just joke. i slept on the couch last night and she’s still pissed at me. aita? [/INST] yta. you need to set boundaries with your mother and not let her intrude on your marriage. my mother is my best friend and when my father died after 46 years of marriage, she wouldn't dream of intruding on me like this. the sign might have been crass but it sounds like your wife has had enough. </s>
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AITA for not splitting my inheritance with my estranged sister?
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so, this is obviously a long story spanning our entire lives but i will try to condense it as best i can. players are: me (30f), my sis (34f), husband (39m), neice (5f), and dad (80m)
my older sister has had trouble with drugs, alcohol, and the law our entire life. she has been bakeracted no less than 20 times since her 18th birthday and has actually technically died twice due to her decisions(she's back by the grace of the medical professionals treating her). my dad has constantly bailed her out on anything whether it be jail or missing rent payments because she spent the money on drugs.
my dad had cancer for the last decade. despite my sister and him already living in the same apartment complex and my dad paying the entirety of her rent, my husband and i were essentially forced to move across our city 3 months before our wedding because dad was starting chemo and needed extra help. my next 3 years were devoted to caring for dad. i lost 2 jobs due to the time i needed to take off to care for him and my sister continued to mooch and do absolutely nothing for him. i was the one expected to make medical decisions for him alone because he didn't trust my sister not to try to off him for his money.
dad is now finally at peace and against my better judgment, i asked my sister to come by so she could say her goodbyes. before they even came to take him from his apartment to the funeral home, she was demanding that i open and read the will. she insisted that dad had been paying for her to try to finally earn her bachelors and she needed 2k. this amount changed to 3k within 24 hours. she started pointing at dads belongings and said that she was "claiming items she wanted".
after i finally read the will (i'm the executor of the estate), we learned that dad left everything to me except for creating a trust fund for my niece that my sister cant touch until her 21st. my sister lost her mind and started demanding that i split what i got from him. dad also left specific instructions to me and my husband to use what he had left us to buy a house, pay off our debts, and finally start a family and we really want to honor his last wishes, but we wouldn't be able to if i split it with my sister.
obviously, emotions are high and none of us are thinking right. but aita for respecting dads wishes and making sure that we use what he left us for what he wanted it to be used for?
| 21,142 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grhu7a/aita_for_not_splitting_my_inheritance_with_my/
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2020-05-27 11:15:58
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nta don’t you dare give her your inheritance!
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nta. your dad left you everything for a reason. if you can spare the money and want to help your sister out with her education, you could always offer to pay directly to the school. if that’s truly why she wants the money, then it shouldn’t be an issue. giving her cash and enabling her addiction helps no one but her dealer.
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you're nta. your sister is and honestly (please don't hate me), your dad kinda is too may he rest in peace. during his lifetime it sounds like he enabled her and allowed her a free ride. he didn't prepare her properly for what happens after he and his money were gone. she's going to have a lot of growing up to do. either that, or she'll relapse. that's up to her, not you.
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nta- your dad specifically split his estate this way because he obviously felt that you, your husband and niece deserve the money and put it towards something positive. surely if he wanted to give 2k or 3k towards your sister he would have stated it.
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absolutely nta, it's what your father wished for and how you should execute it. i really hope she doesn't try pocketing his belongings while no one's looking or something of the sort.
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nta - your father left you the money because he wanted you to have it. he clearly recognised your sister's behaviour and did not want her to have any of it; hence the trust fund for your niece that your sister can't touch until she's 21 and leaving everything else to you. it seems your dad recognised everything you did for him and everything she did for him - which are two vastly different amounts. it sounds like he felt you deserved the money so you could live your best life - or at least one better than your current one if he gave you specific instructions on how to use it and you would be doing thr right thing by honouring him.
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nta at all. first off, i’m sorry for your loss. i recently lost my mum as well and i can’t even begin to imagine how much harder it must be to deal with all that if you‘ve got this kind of conflict to deal with on top. i hope you can find the strength to cope.
your father made a decision, gave very detailed instructions, had very good reasons for making this decision and even included taking care of his grandchild. you accommodated a lot to be there for him when he needed you. he even worried about her being greedy when it came to decisions about his survival. no one in their right mind would consider you the ah here.
if you feel bad for your sister and really think she wants to turn her life around, you can pay the tuition directly to the school if she actually does go there. make sure they know to refund you, not her, if she cancels straight after signing up. do not give her money or let her claim any valuables.
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nta. i would absolutely not split that money with her. it sounds as if you have gone out of your way during his lifetime to be there and care for him and he is acknowledging that in his passing.
she will burn through any money she’s given and still have her hand out.
good luck and my condolences on your father’s passing.
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nta
she spent hers already. all that support adds up.
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nta. as a preface to this i work in trust administration.
provided your father’s will complies with laws of succession and is valid (i.e. is signed in writing by him and is attested by witnesses (local legislation may vary)) and there are no forced heirship laws in your jurisdiction, your sister legally has to apply to the courts to get any of your father’s estate.
you are not in the wrong and not ta, your father is allowed to determine what happens to his free estate through his will, and if he thought your sister would squander it then it is nobody’s fault but her own that she gets nothing. this is good estate planning on your father’s part and i doubt he will have taken his decisions lightly.
the money in a trust fund for your niece is already protected from the prying hands of your sister, and from what you said above it sounds like your niece has a contingent interest (a right once she reaches age 21) so funds will only be used for her benefit.
not saying you should listen to me absolutely, but it seems your father thought this through pretty well when drafting his will, if i were in your shoes i’d stick to his wishes. definitely nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, this is obviously a long story spanning our entire lives but i will try to condense it as best i can. players are: me (30f), my sis (34f), husband (39m), neice (5f), and dad (80m) my older sister has had trouble with drugs, alcohol, and the law our entire life. she has been bakeracted no less than 20 times since her 18th birthday and has actually technically died twice due to her decisions(she's back by the grace of the medical professionals treating her). my dad has constantly bailed her out on anything whether it be jail or missing rent payments because she spent the money on drugs. my dad had cancer for the last decade. despite my sister and him already living in the same apartment complex and my dad paying the entirety of her rent, my husband and i were essentially forced to move across our city 3 months before our wedding because dad was starting chemo and needed extra help. my next 3 years were devoted to caring for dad. i lost 2 jobs due to the time i needed to take off to care for him and my sister continued to mooch and do absolutely nothing for him. i was the one expected to make medical decisions for him alone because he didn't trust my sister not to try to off him for his money. dad is now finally at peace and against my better judgment, i asked my sister to come by so she could say her goodbyes. before they even came to take him from his apartment to the funeral home, she was demanding that i open and read the will. she insisted that dad had been paying for her to try to finally earn her bachelors and she needed 2k. this amount changed to 3k within 24 hours. she started pointing at dads belongings and said that she was "claiming items she wanted". after i finally read the will (i'm the executor of the estate), we learned that dad left everything to me except for creating a trust fund for my niece that my sister cant touch until her 21st. my sister lost her mind and started demanding that i split what i got from him. dad also left specific instructions to me and my husband to use what he had left us to buy a house, pay off our debts, and finally start a family and we really want to honor his last wishes, but we wouldn't be able to if i split it with my sister. obviously, emotions are high and none of us are thinking right. but aita for respecting dads wishes and making sure that we use what he left us for what he wanted it to be used for?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, this is obviously a long story spanning our entire lives but i will try to condense it as best i can. players are: me (30f), my sis (34f), husband (39m), neice (5f), and dad (80m) my older sister has had trouble with drugs, alcohol, and the law our entire life. she has been bakeracted no less than 20 times since her 18th birthday and has actually technically died twice due to her decisions(she's back by the grace of the medical professionals treating her). my dad has constantly bailed her out on anything whether it be jail or missing rent payments because she spent the money on drugs. my dad had cancer for the last decade. despite my sister and him already living in the same apartment complex and my dad paying the entirety of her rent, my husband and i were essentially forced to move across our city 3 months before our wedding because dad was starting chemo and needed extra help. my next 3 years were devoted to caring for dad. i lost 2 jobs due to the time i needed to take off to care for him and my sister continued to mooch and do absolutely nothing for him. i was the one expected to make medical decisions for him alone because he didn't trust my sister not to try to off him for his money. dad is now finally at peace and against my better judgment, i asked my sister to come by so she could say her goodbyes. before they even came to take him from his apartment to the funeral home, she was demanding that i open and read the will. she insisted that dad had been paying for her to try to finally earn her bachelors and she needed 2k. this amount changed to 3k within 24 hours. she started pointing at dads belongings and said that she was "claiming items she wanted". after i finally read the will (i'm the executor of the estate), we learned that dad left everything to me except for creating a trust fund for my niece that my sister cant touch until her 21st. my sister lost her mind and started demanding that i split what i got from him. dad also left specific instructions to me and my husband to use what he had left us to buy a house, pay off our debts, and finally start a family and we really want to honor his last wishes, but we wouldn't be able to if i split it with my sister. obviously, emotions are high and none of us are thinking right. but aita for respecting dads wishes and making sure that we use what he left us for what he wanted it to be used for? [/INST] nta don’t you dare give her your inheritance! </s>
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AITA for not moving back home with my parents?
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my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy.
i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account.
now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive.
a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation.
i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent.
i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too.
yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out.
when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.
i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions.
now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah.
so aita?
| 22,730 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scxsv8/aita_for_not_moving_back_home_with_my_parents/
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2022-01-26 04:57:12
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nta. they don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. your parents are cold, mean people. don’t go back for anything. hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. i’m sorry. you deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far.
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“ saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.”
nta they don’t want you to move back because they care for you they just want to look good to their friends. you’re an adult and you should stay moved out if that’s what you feel more comfortable with. you don’t need to sacrifice your wants or needs for others
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nta
you moved out like they asked and you seem happier! if your parents are unhappy with their choices and are upset about being shamed in their community then they have to deal with the consequences! seems like you’re the adult in this situation and they still have some growing up to do.
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nta. these are called consequences, mom and dad.
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**nta!!!!!**
i had the exact same thing happen to me as a teenager.
my brother and i got a 6hr warning that we were to be out of the house by that evening and any belongings we left would be sold or thrown out immediately.
we were desperate for help, so i posted on facebook (back when everyone was on there), asking if anyone had a truck we could use and why we needed it so badly on such short notice.
one of my cousins saw the post and it eventually got back to my grandmother. she called me, screaming and raging that i would be so cruel as to “ruin my father’s reputation” as a good father.
if he wanted to be seen as a good father, maybe he shouldn’t have made two of his children (including one with significant disabilities) homeless with no warning!
op, yours are facing the consequences of their actions. do **not** move back in! it may be hard at the moment, but you have just begun a new and much happier chapter of your life! stay strong!
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nta. your parents did exactly what their friends are saying they did, and you moving back in will not actually change that. nor, i suspect, will it actually help them save face - your parents’ friends aren’t going to magically forget that they threw you out if you move back in!
and even if it did magically brainwash the friends, you would still have no obligation to go back. you prefer your living situation now, and your parents have made it very clear that you owe each other nothing. they’re reaping what they sowed and it’s not your job to save them from that.
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nta.
they didn't then and still don't care about you, at all. they care about what other people are saying about them.
you don't need them. i wish you the absolute very best in life.
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nta. clearly, they wanted you to move back in for appearances and to maintain social standing. from your telling, their offer had nothing to do with missing you or really wanting you back in the house. further, they have made it clear to you for years that you were a burden and an oops, and in turn you planned for life accordingly. make your own way, but don't burn any bridges incase shit goes sideways.
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indian here. they are only wanting you back because of community perception. they wouldn’t have called you for dinner nor to move back in if it wasn’t for that. stick to your guns and let them deal with it. the fact they didn’t even bother to call you since you moved out tells you exactly how they feel about you. live the life you want to live op, nta.
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nta. you have lived up to exactly what they planned. a pleasant living situation was offered and you rightly took it. enjoy life. don't look back.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy. i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account. now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive. a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent. i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too. yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out. when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (18m) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if i was an unwanted pregnancy. i don't remember when exactly i was told, but i always knew that i would be expected to move out as soon as i reached 18 years old. i have been working and saving since i turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account. now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive. a week before my 18th birthday (january 13th) they sat me down and asked if i have found a place to move into yet. i said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. i was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). so i jumped at the opportunity even though i know it is a pity offer. it is relevant that both his family and mine are of indian descent. i moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. i admit that i did not reach out to them too. yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. it was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said i don't have to pay them rent or anything. but here's the thing, i like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that i didn't even know was there untill i moved out. when i said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in. i said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying i am being an ah. so aita? [/INST] nta. they don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. your parents are cold, mean people. don’t go back for anything. hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. i’m sorry. you deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far. </s>
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AITA For Not Baking Much For My Family
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i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite.
well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried.
i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
| 36,803 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gcr7vr/aita_for_not_baking_much_for_my_family/
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2020-05-03 14:10:08
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nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter
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nta. as a fellow baker fuck them. it's really annoying when you have a skill and family thinks they're entitled to the benefits of said skill. had my brother's dad expect me to make a wedding cake for his daughter at one point. for free mind you.
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and look how much gf appreciated what you had been doing. she secretly made a scrapbook for you of everything you made for her. now that is sweet and you are nta!
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given you’re living at home and your mum and sister had to have been at least somewhat aware of the frequency of your baking (100 dishes in two years seems like roughly once a week... often enough to be noticeable) it’s really strange to me that they’re just deciding to be mad about this now. surely if this was a real issue it could have been raised much earlier. nta.
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paragraph 1: wholesome
paragraph 2: even more wholesome, why is this on this sub?!
paragraph 3: but why didn't you make **me** dessert????!!!!
nta
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aww i’m imagining a 14 year old baking and another 14 year old taking pictures and writing it all down. warms my heart.
your family definitely won’t appreciate your baking like your girlfriend does.
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info - who buys your ingredients? is it your parents or do you have a job/allowance you use?
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nta - it’s your choice to bake for whoever you want. if they want to bake/spend time with you they should ask.
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nta, but your girlfriend is so cute and sweet that i can’t even focus on how big of assholes your family is.
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nta - that was an amazing and thoughtful present and it seems like your mom and sis are being incredibly jealous
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i [16m] started dating my girlfriend 2 years ago. i also got super super into baking around that time. i bake a lot. my girlfriend loves desserts. so i've given her a ton of stuff i bake, all kinds of different stuff. i often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new. i honestly love baking way more than eating it. my girlfriend is the opposite. well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made. she had counted every thing i baked her apparently, and she gave me this scrapbook after i baked her, her 100th dessert. it was filled with a picture of every dessert i've baked and pictures of me baking and her eating. she wrote a paragraph about each item i baked. each item was dated too. she had been working on this for 2 years. she also wrote a long letter on how proud she is of my baking hobby, thanking me for the sweets, and telling me how much she loves me. it was the sweetest gift i've ever gotten and i honestly cried. i showed my mom and sister expecting them to think its cute but they were pissed. they were angry i've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them. i just got into this habit and i loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loves desserts. [/INST] nta - you and your girlfriend sound sweet and your family sounds bitter </s>
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AITA for telling my sister she needs to start being grateful for her healthy baby?
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my(f21) sister(25) just had her first baby a few months ago. he, “james”, was born completely healthy, got to go home the same day. she had a very easy pregnancy and delivery(said so herself) but for some reason is always freaking out thinking there is something wrong with her baby.
about a week after james was born, my sister got a call from his pediatrician saying they needed to redo one of his newborn screenings because he was too close to the borderline. my sister started freaking out, crying, acting like this meant he was going to die even though he hadn’t been diagnosed with anything or even failed the test; they just needed to redo it to be safe. he passed the second time.
her next freak out came when he was about 7 weeks old. she started saying he hadn’t smiled yet and everyone she knew who had babies started smiling at 6 weeks and saying maybe this is an early sign he has autism. my parents kept saying it’s completely normal for a baby to not smile right on time and her pediatrician even said they weren’t concerned but she was extremely upset and stressed by this. i asked her if she would love him any less if he had autism because that’s how she was acting and she looked disgusted and said of course not, she just wants him to be okay. he smiled a few days after this freak out.
the most recent freak out was his first roll. he rolled for the first time at 12 weeks and that seems like something parents would be excited about but nope, she was worried he rolled too early and this could be a sign of cerebral palsy. i’ve read that early rolling can be an early sign but 12 weeks is not considered “early rolling”.
i was finally fed up with this and told her she is so lucky to have such a healthy baby and some people would kill to be as lucky as her and she needs to stop freaking out and be grateful. i told her it is starting to look like she wants there to be something wrong with him. she just said something like “okay sorry i won’t talk about my health concerns anymore” and has been very distant since. i recently found out she made a new family group chat without me in it where she sends pictures and updates on him and it’s making me wonder if i went to far and hurt her feelings.
aita?
| 4,087 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qsbwfn/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_needs_to_start/
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2021-11-12 14:06:36
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yta. she's a new mother and its showing. you, on the other hand, clearly have a problem if you can't tell why your words would hurt her. you were mean and nasty.
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yta. she is understandably stressed about health scares. and most of these are legit health scares.
the reasonable things to address overreaction would be to suggest that she seems really anxious and maybe she should talk further with her pediatrician about when to be concerned, or speak with a counselor. not just tell her to be grateful when she's trying to sort out legit concerns from doctor's providing required standard of care.
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yta - you have kids? guessing no? new parents worry. that is what they do. apologize to your sister.
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yta. of course your sister is overreacting a little - but she is a first time parent and is understandably anxious about making sure her child is healthy. and some of the things you mentioned are actually pretty big deals. i would be freaking out if i had to re-do a screening like that.
your comment was just cold and unnecessary. and removing you from the loop about baby stuff is logical, you’ve made it clear you don’t care about the details of what’s happening with baby so why would she continue to copy you on her updates to the rest of the family?
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yta. being a new parent is terrifying. you are literally handed this small helpless human, and told to keep it alive. with no manual, no nothing. how about instead of telling her how to feel and what to do, you actually do something helpful? and if you don't know what to do to be helpful, remember that that is how she feels, 24/7, and you need to stop being so self absorbed and put yourself in her shoes.
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[removed]
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yta. how could you say she wants there to be something wrong with him?
it's common for first time moms to freak out about their newborns. it happened for me too and i was a way older first time mom of 38 (i was riddled with fears for birth complications and defects that come with older moms). i was always googling the timeline for each development milestone and freaking that she wasn't on track.
well you should be glad now. she isn't bothering you any more with her concerns.
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yta, it's a very anxious time when you have your first baby, it sounds like your sister has some sort of post-partum anxiety or even depression. she needs support right now and a place to voice her concerns without being judged.
edit, wow thank you so much for the award and up votes.
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yta, although you meant well.
apologize and tell her that you spoke up too harshly because you hated to see her joy in her baby marred by constant worry, but you see now that your admonitions were counterproductive.
if you want news ask to be added to the group.
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yta super big time. being a first time parent is a super scary and nerve wracking experience. you're woefully unprepared, and literally everything has the potential to harm them in some way. i was a nervous wreck for quite some time after our son was born and it was the support of my friends and family that helped me through and kept me level headed. instead of being completely callous, you could've offered a few words of encouragement and reassurance. instead, you went off selfishly because apparently it's easier for you to be a dick than to listen to your sister and offer a little help. i hope you read every comment calling you an asshole, grow up, and go apologize to your sister for being a callous asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(f21) sister(25) just had her first baby a few months ago. he, “james”, was born completely healthy, got to go home the same day. she had a very easy pregnancy and delivery(said so herself) but for some reason is always freaking out thinking there is something wrong with her baby. about a week after james was born, my sister got a call from his pediatrician saying they needed to redo one of his newborn screenings because he was too close to the borderline. my sister started freaking out, crying, acting like this meant he was going to die even though he hadn’t been diagnosed with anything or even failed the test; they just needed to redo it to be safe. he passed the second time. her next freak out came when he was about 7 weeks old. she started saying he hadn’t smiled yet and everyone she knew who had babies started smiling at 6 weeks and saying maybe this is an early sign he has autism. my parents kept saying it’s completely normal for a baby to not smile right on time and her pediatrician even said they weren’t concerned but she was extremely upset and stressed by this. i asked her if she would love him any less if he had autism because that’s how she was acting and she looked disgusted and said of course not, she just wants him to be okay. he smiled a few days after this freak out. the most recent freak out was his first roll. he rolled for the first time at 12 weeks and that seems like something parents would be excited about but nope, she was worried he rolled too early and this could be a sign of cerebral palsy. i’ve read that early rolling can be an early sign but 12 weeks is not considered “early rolling”. i was finally fed up with this and told her she is so lucky to have such a healthy baby and some people would kill to be as lucky as her and she needs to stop freaking out and be grateful. i told her it is starting to look like she wants there to be something wrong with him. she just said something like “okay sorry i won’t talk about my health concerns anymore” and has been very distant since. i recently found out she made a new family group chat without me in it where she sends pictures and updates on him and it’s making me wonder if i went to far and hurt her feelings. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(f21) sister(25) just had her first baby a few months ago. he, “james”, was born completely healthy, got to go home the same day. she had a very easy pregnancy and delivery(said so herself) but for some reason is always freaking out thinking there is something wrong with her baby. about a week after james was born, my sister got a call from his pediatrician saying they needed to redo one of his newborn screenings because he was too close to the borderline. my sister started freaking out, crying, acting like this meant he was going to die even though he hadn’t been diagnosed with anything or even failed the test; they just needed to redo it to be safe. he passed the second time. her next freak out came when he was about 7 weeks old. she started saying he hadn’t smiled yet and everyone she knew who had babies started smiling at 6 weeks and saying maybe this is an early sign he has autism. my parents kept saying it’s completely normal for a baby to not smile right on time and her pediatrician even said they weren’t concerned but she was extremely upset and stressed by this. i asked her if she would love him any less if he had autism because that’s how she was acting and she looked disgusted and said of course not, she just wants him to be okay. he smiled a few days after this freak out. the most recent freak out was his first roll. he rolled for the first time at 12 weeks and that seems like something parents would be excited about but nope, she was worried he rolled too early and this could be a sign of cerebral palsy. i’ve read that early rolling can be an early sign but 12 weeks is not considered “early rolling”. i was finally fed up with this and told her she is so lucky to have such a healthy baby and some people would kill to be as lucky as her and she needs to stop freaking out and be grateful. i told her it is starting to look like she wants there to be something wrong with him. she just said something like “okay sorry i won’t talk about my health concerns anymore” and has been very distant since. i recently found out she made a new family group chat without me in it where she sends pictures and updates on him and it’s making me wonder if i went to far and hurt her feelings. aita? [/INST] yta. she's a new mother and its showing. you, on the other hand, clearly have a problem if you can't tell why your words would hurt her. you were mean and nasty. </s>
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AITA for asking my husbands sister to consider being a surrogate for us?
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my husband and i have been trying for pregnancy for years now, and to cut a long story short it seems as though it will never be a possibility. it took a long time to come to terms with but we've gradually got there. our entire family is aware of the journey we've been on and how much it meant to us. with that in mind, my husband and i came to his sister (sarah) with a proposal.
sarah is in her early 30s, unmarried, and vocally against having children of her own. despite this we thought she might be open to the idea of a surrogate pregnancy on our behalf given she would not have to be involved in raising the child personally. my husband is extremely close to his family and the idea of the entire process of surrogacy being contained to his blood felt extremely important to him. with that closeness in mind, we did not feel it was out of order to ask this sort of question.
we invited sarah over for dinner and at the end of it laid out our request. we told her we had been saving over the years and would be willing to pay her as much as a regular surrogate would be paid (a pretty hefty fee so she would be able to take time off from work if it was required), help her out with everything she needed, plus we had no expectations that she must help raise the child just because she carried it. we told her why it was important to us and how much it'd mean, and asked her to have an open mind about it.
sarah exploded at us. she said we were both out of our minds for making such a request, extremely selfish, and that we had no respect for her disinterest in children. she actually left early. right now she's refusing to take calls from us and even went as far as to ask my husbands parents to tell us to both not contact her until she decides to initiate it herself. my husbands parents are sympathetic to us but say that we should have kept in mind sarah's difficulties. my parents think she is behaving awfully. most of my friends are on my side but a few have said that it was a bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much sarah hates kids.
it's really weighing on my mind and i honestly never expected this kind of outcome. she literally blocked us on every platform she could. are we really the ones behaving like an asshole?
| 17,386 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dv9ogm/aita_for_asking_my_husbands_sister_to_consider/
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2019-11-12 13:02:23
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yta. you knew she's "vocally against having children of her own" but you approached her anyway without first finding out how far that extends. that you had to prep her lavishly for the ask suggests you knew you were asking for something out of bounds. your language suggests you barely respect her. why were you even talking about this with her and your husband's parents and with your parents? and now you've damaged her relationship with others who shouldn't be involved, namely your parents.
wait until she comes to you, and when she does, apologize sincerely and profusely for not respecting her.
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yta ... your desire for a child does not outweigh your sil's desire to not have children -- and it seems both are well known positions in the family. it may seem reasonable to "keep it in the family" and "we're trying to create a win-win" but really it isn't. you essentially said to her, "since you're not using your womb mind if we borrow it for 9 months?" did you ever consider why she doesn't want children of her own? it's actually beyond rude the more i consider it. yes, i am sympathetic to your plight but have only one more word for you: adoption!
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yta. the lengths people go for children when nature says over and over it’s not in the cards for them will never cease to astound me.
your sister in law was clearly anti children and you asked her to perform the most difficult phase of having children for your own child? i get that you can’t get pregnant yourself but can you at least think about the emotional toll it would be to get pregnant with your brother’s child, carry it to term, go through birth, and then no matter if your feelings change and transform the child you carried is then taken from you to be raised by your brother and sister in law. how can you not understand the weight of what you are asking?
oh, but it means so much to your husband to have a blood relative carry it. what the actual fuck? if you have the money for a surrogate then hire a surrogate. do you know what a surrogate is? a professional child incubator who has chosen that profession so people like you can try for a child at all costs.
despite me thinking you are incredibly selfish for trying to force a child genetically no matter that there are so many unwanted children in the world, i do believe you have a right to ask her. however that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the right to be offended, grossed out, and angry that you would even ask. i understand that you are desperate for a child created from your and your husbands genetics and are probably blinded by your “desire” but holy shit.
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yta honestly, it should be expected that a woman who wants no kids would also not want her body used for the very thing she is so against. it's inappropriate and disrespectful as hell to ask that of someone who would by all means be against it.
you didn't just ask her to be a surrogate, you told her that you don't give a damn about what she wants, and that her childfree status means jack shit to you. you wanting to have kids is not above her wanting to stay childfree and keep her womb unused.
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> vocally against having children of her own
>
> bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much sarah hates kids.
yta
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yta for thinking that a woman who hates children and has never carried a child would even be accepted to a surrogacy program and also yta for getting all upset that sil doesn't want to submit to your weird fucking handsmaid's tale fantasy.
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yta. i’m trying to say that as kindly as possible but why would you think someone who is adamantly against having children would want to carry yours? if your husband is that close to his sister, i would have thought that he would know better than to make such a tone deaf request. also, it may be unrelated, but the “important to keep this surrogacy confined to his blood” bit makes me roll my eyes so hard. your parents are of course only going to see this from your point of view so their opinions on how your sister in law feels or reacted are unnecessary. at the end of the day, you guys should have considered your sister in law’s feelings way more than you did. you asked a massive favor of someone who has made clear they want nothing to do with children, which probably tells her you don’t care at all about her or the things she wants for her life, you just saw her as a potential womb. you’d probably do well to hold off on contacting her until she’s ready.
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>we told her why it was important to us and how much it'd mean, and asked her to have an open mind about it.
yta. sarah doesn't want children so asking her to give birth for you was very inappropriate. you seem very focussed on how much it will mean to you, not what it would mean to her. you are so focussed on wanting a baby that you are not being open minded about the fact that sarah doesn't want a child and that includes the pregnancy/birthing part.
it also seems like you have then gone and had a moan to your parents for her reaction. i'm not surprised sarah doesn't want to talk to either of you. she's a person, not an incubator.
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nta
everyone is acting like they’re trying to force her to be a surrogate. they just asked! she could’ve declined. if she declined and you kept pushing, it would be an issue, but you didn’t know she would be so strongly opposed to it. it’s why you asked!
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yta.
i think you're really down playing stuff. it sounds like she's very vocal about not wanting kids. and you're telling me a distaste for pregnancy was never brought up? if you don't want to be pregnant, it doesn't matter if it's jesus. you don't want a fetus in your womb.
and the fact that you're baffled and offended that she doesn't want to talk to you. a get reasonable boundary to have when she's currently upset. it makes me feel like you have 0 respect for her.
i think you're hiding a lot of details that made her snap. and you need to stay being honest with yourself on how you treat your sister in law. so yea, you're the asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been trying for pregnancy for years now, and to cut a long story short it seems as though it will never be a possibility. it took a long time to come to terms with but we've gradually got there. our entire family is aware of the journey we've been on and how much it meant to us. with that in mind, my husband and i came to his sister (sarah) with a proposal. sarah is in her early 30s, unmarried, and vocally against having children of her own. despite this we thought she might be open to the idea of a surrogate pregnancy on our behalf given she would not have to be involved in raising the child personally. my husband is extremely close to his family and the idea of the entire process of surrogacy being contained to his blood felt extremely important to him. with that closeness in mind, we did not feel it was out of order to ask this sort of question. we invited sarah over for dinner and at the end of it laid out our request. we told her we had been saving over the years and would be willing to pay her as much as a regular surrogate would be paid (a pretty hefty fee so she would be able to take time off from work if it was required), help her out with everything she needed, plus we had no expectations that she must help raise the child just because she carried it. we told her why it was important to us and how much it'd mean, and asked her to have an open mind about it. sarah exploded at us. she said we were both out of our minds for making such a request, extremely selfish, and that we had no respect for her disinterest in children. she actually left early. right now she's refusing to take calls from us and even went as far as to ask my husbands parents to tell us to both not contact her until she decides to initiate it herself. my husbands parents are sympathetic to us but say that we should have kept in mind sarah's difficulties. my parents think she is behaving awfully. most of my friends are on my side but a few have said that it was a bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much sarah hates kids. it's really weighing on my mind and i honestly never expected this kind of outcome. she literally blocked us on every platform she could. are we really the ones behaving like an asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been trying for pregnancy for years now, and to cut a long story short it seems as though it will never be a possibility. it took a long time to come to terms with but we've gradually got there. our entire family is aware of the journey we've been on and how much it meant to us. with that in mind, my husband and i came to his sister (sarah) with a proposal. sarah is in her early 30s, unmarried, and vocally against having children of her own. despite this we thought she might be open to the idea of a surrogate pregnancy on our behalf given she would not have to be involved in raising the child personally. my husband is extremely close to his family and the idea of the entire process of surrogacy being contained to his blood felt extremely important to him. with that closeness in mind, we did not feel it was out of order to ask this sort of question. we invited sarah over for dinner and at the end of it laid out our request. we told her we had been saving over the years and would be willing to pay her as much as a regular surrogate would be paid (a pretty hefty fee so she would be able to take time off from work if it was required), help her out with everything she needed, plus we had no expectations that she must help raise the child just because she carried it. we told her why it was important to us and how much it'd mean, and asked her to have an open mind about it. sarah exploded at us. she said we were both out of our minds for making such a request, extremely selfish, and that we had no respect for her disinterest in children. she actually left early. right now she's refusing to take calls from us and even went as far as to ask my husbands parents to tell us to both not contact her until she decides to initiate it herself. my husbands parents are sympathetic to us but say that we should have kept in mind sarah's difficulties. my parents think she is behaving awfully. most of my friends are on my side but a few have said that it was a bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much sarah hates kids. it's really weighing on my mind and i honestly never expected this kind of outcome. she literally blocked us on every platform she could. are we really the ones behaving like an asshole? [/INST] yta. you knew she's "vocally against having children of her own" but you approached her anyway without first finding out how far that extends. that you had to prep her lavishly for the ask suggests you knew you were asking for something out of bounds. your language suggests you barely respect her. why were you even talking about this with her and your husband's parents and with your parents? and now you've damaged her relationship with others who shouldn't be involved, namely your parents. wait until she comes to you, and when she does, apologize sincerely and profusely for not respecting her. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that 24 is not young to lose a parent?
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my wife is 35 and i am 40.
i am lucky enough to still have both my parents. my wife unfortunately lost her mother when she was 24, het motet had been ill for 14 years.
it was hard on my wife, no doubt. i admire her for everything she went through.
however this morning we had a breakfast with her family and the subject of her late mother came up. as often people would say how awfull it was for my wife and her sister because they lost their mom at ‘such a young age’.
when we came home my wife and i talked about it and i told her that 24 isn’t that young. it’s not old, definitely, but my wife was an adult and her mother was 52 when she died. it’s not like she lost her mother at 12 or 6.
to me losing a parent at a young she is under 18.
my wife is giving me the silent treatment.
tl;dr: aita for telling my wife that 24 is not a young age to lose a parent?
| 5,763 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p4elht/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_24_is_not_young_to/
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2021-08-14 19:38:10
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yta. 24 is a young age. in most cases a woman hasn't gotten married or had a child at that point, both things that are huge milestones we want/need our moms for. i'm 38 and i still call my mom for advice about my son. what you essentially said to her was it wasn't as big a deal that you lost her because its not like you still needed her.
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yta. 24 is very young to lose a parent. not to mention how you tried to downplay her grief. 100% yta
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yta what did you hope to achieve by correcting her? just a hint: you don’t need to say everything that pops into your head.
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yta, 24 is young to lose a parent. and you said her mum was ill for 14 years meaning that her mum got ill when she was only 10 years old! how dare you downplay her pain.
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yta, yes 24 isnt young compaired to an orphan however compaired to her age now it is. and lets be honest what good was going to come out of that comment you can't have thought she'd be happy with you saying that?
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yta.
i lost my father when i was 24, he was only 51 and yes it was as way too young.
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as someone who lost her mother at age almost-26, yta. your wife was still young to be without her mother. find some compassion, apologize for being ta and *mean it*.
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info: what's actually bothering you since a 40 year old wouldn't pick such a stupid hill to die on?
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yta. i’m 23f and just lost my dad at 52 a few months ago. it’s awful. a huge tragedy no one at any age is prepared for. so many people have come me and shared their experiences losing parents in their early 20s it really fucks people up. learn some empathy.
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yta. a ten year old faced her mother's possible death and then watched her struggle and die over 14 years, and you discount her feelings? i hope you are a troll.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife is 35 and i am 40. i am lucky enough to still have both my parents. my wife unfortunately lost her mother when she was 24, het motet had been ill for 14 years. it was hard on my wife, no doubt. i admire her for everything she went through. however this morning we had a breakfast with her family and the subject of her late mother came up. as often people would say how awfull it was for my wife and her sister because they lost their mom at ‘such a young age’. when we came home my wife and i talked about it and i told her that 24 isn’t that young. it’s not old, definitely, but my wife was an adult and her mother was 52 when she died. it’s not like she lost her mother at 12 or 6. to me losing a parent at a young she is under 18. my wife is giving me the silent treatment. tl;dr: aita for telling my wife that 24 is not a young age to lose a parent?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife is 35 and i am 40. i am lucky enough to still have both my parents. my wife unfortunately lost her mother when she was 24, het motet had been ill for 14 years. it was hard on my wife, no doubt. i admire her for everything she went through. however this morning we had a breakfast with her family and the subject of her late mother came up. as often people would say how awfull it was for my wife and her sister because they lost their mom at ‘such a young age’. when we came home my wife and i talked about it and i told her that 24 isn’t that young. it’s not old, definitely, but my wife was an adult and her mother was 52 when she died. it’s not like she lost her mother at 12 or 6. to me losing a parent at a young she is under 18. my wife is giving me the silent treatment. tl;dr: aita for telling my wife that 24 is not a young age to lose a parent? [/INST] yta. 24 is a young age. in most cases a woman hasn't gotten married or had a child at that point, both things that are huge milestones we want/need our moms for. i'm 38 and i still call my mom for advice about my son. what you essentially said to her was it wasn't as big a deal that you lost her because its not like you still needed her. </s>
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AITA for throwing out my roommates non-vegan food?
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when my girlfriend and i put out advertisements for a roommate we specified that we keep a strict vegan house - no exceptions. this meant no meat in the house, no dairy, no eggs, not even honey. we were very clear on this and outright said another vegan would be ideal. and that actually worked out pretty smoothly! a girl we'll call jessica moved in and things went along swimmingly for the past three years. jessica was also an ethical vegan and there was no fuss over food, no drama, everything was peaceful and we all were pleased with the arrangement.
enter jessica's new boyfriend, charlie. charlie absolutely does not agree with veganism. ever since an incident where he drunkenly tried to store a bunch of half eaten sausages in our fridge and i told him he wasn't keeping that shit in our house, he's had a big problem with me. whenever he comes over he'll make snide little comments about our little vegan decontamination zone, and loudly talk about how much he loves meat and all the the meat he recently ate. to sum up how childish he is, he went as far as to ask if he was allowed to take a non-vegan shit in our toilet in front of a bunch my guests my girlfriend and i were hosting which was completely embarrassing for everyone. he's a complete dickhead, but that isn't what the main issue is.
i figured jessica wouldn't put up with charlie for long given how he behaves, but not only has that not happened, he's talked her out of veganism entirely. when jessica let me know that she was no longer vegan, i told her as long as she didn't store it in the house, it was fine. seeing her bring meat takeout into our house to eat was upsetting, i won't lie, especially given charlie would often be grinning like a rat during the entire ordeal. not to mention the smell.
emboldened by charlie, she's started to store non-vegan food in our fridge. first it was butter and some liquid egg whites, which my girlfriend begged me not to start something over given how tense things had gotten, but earlier today i came home and found multiple packets of bacon taking up nearly an entire shelf of the fridge. i gathered them up in a trash bag alongside the butter and other stuff that had built up and just tossed it all in the bin outside. when jessica returned and saw it was all gone a shouting match broke out and now she's claiming i can't force her to keep a vegan fridge, and our agreement meant nothing at all. i told her perhaps it was better she find another house to rent at, and she called me a controlling dick.
i don't think i'm being controlling **given this agreement was clearly specified**. it wasn't a hidden clause, it wasn't something i sprung on her. in my opinion jessica and charlie are both behaving like absolute fucknuggets, but when i vented to my brother he said that i was actually being a dick in this situation.
so i come to you, reddit. whose the actual asshole in this situation?
| 5,552 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6cpjt/aita_for_throwing_out_my_roommates_nonvegan_food/
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2019-09-19 11:32:01
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yta
if you require a roommate to have a specific diet i think you’ve moved into a situation where you need to consider an apartment you can afford on your own.
wasting non vegan food by throwing it away is an interesting “high road” to take.
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yta you have no right to throw her things away. sure you asked for a vegan in the first place but that's life, people change. she lives there and if she wants to eat meat that's her choice. also her keeping meat in the fridge does not affect you in anyway, i understand you don't want any involvement in eating meat but her storing meat does not involve you in anyway.
p.s your type is why most people hate vegans!
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yta you did a larceny. you stole goods that where not yours, even if it was to dispose of them. is veganism written on the lease? if yes go tell your landlord and make her evicted. otherwise you just suck it up, if you can't stand her food in the fridge (which is nonsense, will the eggs contaminate your food? i mean i really don't get it) then maybe get a new private fridge.
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esh. it's ridiculous she can't eat what she wants in the house, her boyfriend sounds like a dick but you also sound incredibly unreasonable, and why a lot of people dislike vegans.
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yta for throwing her things out, yes.
unfortunately for you, people change. it's not like she switched after a month or two. it's been 3 years. you can surely deal with having a designated non-vegan storage area for food and a non-vegan shelf in the fridge. i think you're being incredibly unreasonable.
if this is truly such a dealbreaker for you then can i ask how much power do you actually have to get her to move out? do you own the place and she rents from you? do you all rent from a landlord? because you might be shit out of luck.
charlie is clearly an ass, but jessica is not.
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yta. you don’t throw out people’s food, especially as someone whose philosophy seems to be avoiding harm. honestly, you’re why a lot of people hate vegans.
if this is a dealbreaker for you, discuss the issue calmly like an adult. don’t throw a tantrum.
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esh
jessica is not an asshole for wanting to eat meat again and wanting to use the fridge in a place she pays rent for. however, her boyfriend's behavior is extremely childish and she's definitely the asshole for storing meat in the home after she promised not to.
while i do think your no-meat-policy is hard to enforce in a shared living situation i don't think you're the asshole for not wanting meat in your house. however, you've gone too far by throwing her food away without any warning. also don't see how wasting produce an animal had to die for goes together with the vegan spirit, imo throwing away good meat is much worse than eating it.
i think it's best if you three (meaning you, your gf and jessica) talk with each other and find a way to solve the issue. i don't think charlie has to be involved in that discussion as he does not seem to bring any valuable input to the situation.
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i originally asked a question (is jessica on the lease) but i've changed my mind about caring about the answer.
jessica is paying rent. she has a right to use of the fridge to store her food. that means she can store whatever she wants in there, regardless of any "agreement" you may have. your vegan requirements are not enforceable.
furthermore, your reaction was way over the top. i mean seriously over the top.
i would recommend you do the following:
* apologize profusely to jessica and her boyfriend for being a royal jerk
* compensate them for the food you destroyed
* do some introspection on why you are choosing to make your lifestyle incompatible with the general population
yta. clearly.
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yta
you're well within your right as a landlord to kick out your renter given the appropriate notice period for your state/country.
&#x200b;
you instead decided to act like a passive aggressive, stroppy child and throw away someone else's property in the home that they are legally entitled to live in for the time being.
people like you are the reason that people make fun of vegans, and those who just want to follow a diet end up in the crossfire. you created charlie and everyone else like him by being so passive aggressive and petty with your rules.
if it is imperative that you only ever interact with vegans in any capacity then it might be best to keep your housing situation exclusive to you and only you, because anyone can change at any moment and threatening them with homelessness for changing their diet is asshole behaviour. as is destruction of property. as is making their guests feel unwelcome in their own home.
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nta - you had an agreement, she broke it. i'm not a vegan, i love eating meat too much to give it up but she walked into this with her eyes open
did you have it in the lease agreement or was it just verbal?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when my girlfriend and i put out advertisements for a roommate we specified that we keep a strict vegan house - no exceptions. this meant no meat in the house, no dairy, no eggs, not even honey. we were very clear on this and outright said another vegan would be ideal. and that actually worked out pretty smoothly! a girl we'll call jessica moved in and things went along swimmingly for the past three years. jessica was also an ethical vegan and there was no fuss over food, no drama, everything was peaceful and we all were pleased with the arrangement. enter jessica's new boyfriend, charlie. charlie absolutely does not agree with veganism. ever since an incident where he drunkenly tried to store a bunch of half eaten sausages in our fridge and i told him he wasn't keeping that shit in our house, he's had a big problem with me. whenever he comes over he'll make snide little comments about our little vegan decontamination zone, and loudly talk about how much he loves meat and all the the meat he recently ate. to sum up how childish he is, he went as far as to ask if he was allowed to take a non-vegan shit in our toilet in front of a bunch my guests my girlfriend and i were hosting which was completely embarrassing for everyone. he's a complete dickhead, but that isn't what the main issue is. i figured jessica wouldn't put up with charlie for long given how he behaves, but not only has that not happened, he's talked her out of veganism entirely. when jessica let me know that she was no longer vegan, i told her as long as she didn't store it in the house, it was fine. seeing her bring meat takeout into our house to eat was upsetting, i won't lie, especially given charlie would often be grinning like a rat during the entire ordeal. not to mention the smell. emboldened by charlie, she's started to store non-vegan food in our fridge. first it was butter and some liquid egg whites, which my girlfriend begged me not to start something over given how tense things had gotten, but earlier today i came home and found multiple packets of bacon taking up nearly an entire shelf of the fridge. i gathered them up in a trash bag alongside the butter and other stuff that had built up and just tossed it all in the bin outside. when jessica returned and saw it was all gone a shouting match broke out and now she's claiming i can't force her to keep a vegan fridge, and our agreement meant nothing at all. i told her perhaps it was better she find another house to rent at, and she called me a controlling dick. i don't think i'm being controlling **given this agreement was clearly specified**. it wasn't a hidden clause, it wasn't something i sprung on her. in my opinion jessica and charlie are both behaving like absolute fucknuggets, but when i vented to my brother he said that i was actually being a dick in this situation. so i come to you, reddit. whose the actual asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when my girlfriend and i put out advertisements for a roommate we specified that we keep a strict vegan house - no exceptions. this meant no meat in the house, no dairy, no eggs, not even honey. we were very clear on this and outright said another vegan would be ideal. and that actually worked out pretty smoothly! a girl we'll call jessica moved in and things went along swimmingly for the past three years. jessica was also an ethical vegan and there was no fuss over food, no drama, everything was peaceful and we all were pleased with the arrangement. enter jessica's new boyfriend, charlie. charlie absolutely does not agree with veganism. ever since an incident where he drunkenly tried to store a bunch of half eaten sausages in our fridge and i told him he wasn't keeping that shit in our house, he's had a big problem with me. whenever he comes over he'll make snide little comments about our little vegan decontamination zone, and loudly talk about how much he loves meat and all the the meat he recently ate. to sum up how childish he is, he went as far as to ask if he was allowed to take a non-vegan shit in our toilet in front of a bunch my guests my girlfriend and i were hosting which was completely embarrassing for everyone. he's a complete dickhead, but that isn't what the main issue is. i figured jessica wouldn't put up with charlie for long given how he behaves, but not only has that not happened, he's talked her out of veganism entirely. when jessica let me know that she was no longer vegan, i told her as long as she didn't store it in the house, it was fine. seeing her bring meat takeout into our house to eat was upsetting, i won't lie, especially given charlie would often be grinning like a rat during the entire ordeal. not to mention the smell. emboldened by charlie, she's started to store non-vegan food in our fridge. first it was butter and some liquid egg whites, which my girlfriend begged me not to start something over given how tense things had gotten, but earlier today i came home and found multiple packets of bacon taking up nearly an entire shelf of the fridge. i gathered them up in a trash bag alongside the butter and other stuff that had built up and just tossed it all in the bin outside. when jessica returned and saw it was all gone a shouting match broke out and now she's claiming i can't force her to keep a vegan fridge, and our agreement meant nothing at all. i told her perhaps it was better she find another house to rent at, and she called me a controlling dick. i don't think i'm being controlling **given this agreement was clearly specified**. it wasn't a hidden clause, it wasn't something i sprung on her. in my opinion jessica and charlie are both behaving like absolute fucknuggets, but when i vented to my brother he said that i was actually being a dick in this situation. so i come to you, reddit. whose the actual asshole in this situation? [/INST] yta if you require a roommate to have a specific diet i think you’ve moved into a situation where you need to consider an apartment you can afford on your own. wasting non vegan food by throwing it away is an interesting “high road” to take. </s>
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AITA for wearing the same color as the bride as a wedding harpist and not changing?
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so i (f18) was asked to play the harp at a friend of my fathers wedding. normally, i would ask for payment beforehand, but since it was a family friend, they asked if they could just pay me at the reception and i told them yes. the dates worked out for me, and it was set in a church about 1 hour from my house. i showed the dress i planned to wear to the bride when we went over the music she wanted and at the rehearsal, but only on a hanger. it looks like it would be ugly on a hanger, as it’s just navy blue with long sleeves and floor length, but it’s surprisingly pretty.
i got to the venue about 4 hours early, so my harp would have time to acclimate to the room. when i got there, the brides mother came to give me my corsage, and when she saw me, she demanded i change my dress. i laughed because i’ve known her for years, and then realized she wasn’t joking. i asked what was wrong with it and she said that the bride went with a non traditional dress that was also navy blue. i panicked a little, because this is her wedding and i felt really bad, but she and her groom had approved it twice. i told the mother, and she asked if i had any other color i could change into. i don’t bring extra dresses unless my dress somehow doesn’t get approved beforehand, so i didn’t. she then told me to go to the bridal shop 20 minutes away, and buy a new dress. i refused, because those dresses would cost about what i was getting paid for this wedding, and i told her i couldn’t afford it. i felt bad, but she begrudgingly walked away.
the actual wedding went smoothly, and after everyone else had left the church and congratulated the bride, i stopped to talk to her. i explained what the mother in law said, and she said that it was fine and that they weren’t thinking when they approved my dress. at the reception, when i talked for he mother in law about payment, she refused to pay me. i didn’t want to cause a scene,
but the bride came over and heard us talking.
this time, she was also upset with me and also refused to pay me. i didn’t know what to do. as my parents were busy and couldn’t attend this wedding, i didn’t have anyone there to back me up. a lot of people assume harpists come from a lot of money because of how expensive harps are, but i’ve been renting a harp since 4th grade, and when my teacher passed, we bought it for an amazing deal. i also charge a lot less than most musicians would, but i have a college payment due in a few days and i can’t afford it. i got my parents involved when i got home, and my dad talked to his friend (the father of the groom) who was there when they approved the dress, and he got the payment to me. i still feel really bad, but i don’t think there was anything i could have done. should i have just sucked it up and bought a new dress? aita?
| 19,246 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vl2rmu/aita_for_wearing_the_same_color_as_the_bride_as_a/
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2022-06-26 11:33:39
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nta. you had it approved twice and the bride was okay with it. glad your parents backed you and you got paid.
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nta - this was a business transaction and you held up your end of the deal. the dress was approved (twice). they had no reason to refuse payment.
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girl no, they just wanted to stiff you. you did every t you were supposed to. in future, invoice clients and keep electronic records in case things escalate in ways you cannot mitigate via fatherly intervention.
nta
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nta
in future get prepayment for your services because this will not be the first shakedown you encounter by people trying to get your talent without payment.
honestly - if brides choose a non-traditional colour aside from white/ivory chance are that someone will be wearing the colour of their dress. that's not anyone else's problem aside from the bride if it's not explicitly been discussed with the guests.
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nta. i’m going to say this may have been setup in advance so they wouldn’t have to pay you. they may have thought you were a friend of the family and you should have done it for free. after all the bride was cool until it came time to pay. lesson learned for you, get at least half as a deposit for everyone.
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nta. the couple approved your dress. what the heck were you supposed to think?
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nta. you actually went above and beyond by showing the bride and groom your dress ahead of time—unless that was part of the agreement for your harp playing, it wasn’t necessary. on top of that, they said your dress was fine. they don’t get to then demand that you wear something different on the day of the event without paying for the new dress. they also don’t get to refuse to pay you for your services just because they didn’t like the dress that they told you was fine to wear. great job getting a parent involved to make sure you got paid!
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nta at all. it was unreasonable to ask at the last minute, and the bride is a little wacky for changing her mind between the ceremony and reception. her failure to notify you when she chose her dress after approving yours was not your problem.
ps thanks for your story - i learned that harps have to get acclimated to a room. i never knew that and find it fascinating. does the room change affect the strings or the frame of the harp?
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nta at all, they approved it multiple times and regardless, you pay people for work completed. i'm a musician too and it sounds a bit icky but you should treat friends like any other client and get the money upfront
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nta, sounds to me like mil made the dress an issue so it became one. as for payment, they are the ah. this was a transaction. next time stick to payment upfront, no matter who they are.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (f18) was asked to play the harp at a friend of my fathers wedding. normally, i would ask for payment beforehand, but since it was a family friend, they asked if they could just pay me at the reception and i told them yes. the dates worked out for me, and it was set in a church about 1 hour from my house. i showed the dress i planned to wear to the bride when we went over the music she wanted and at the rehearsal, but only on a hanger. it looks like it would be ugly on a hanger, as it’s just navy blue with long sleeves and floor length, but it’s surprisingly pretty. i got to the venue about 4 hours early, so my harp would have time to acclimate to the room. when i got there, the brides mother came to give me my corsage, and when she saw me, she demanded i change my dress. i laughed because i’ve known her for years, and then realized she wasn’t joking. i asked what was wrong with it and she said that the bride went with a non traditional dress that was also navy blue. i panicked a little, because this is her wedding and i felt really bad, but she and her groom had approved it twice. i told the mother, and she asked if i had any other color i could change into. i don’t bring extra dresses unless my dress somehow doesn’t get approved beforehand, so i didn’t. she then told me to go to the bridal shop 20 minutes away, and buy a new dress. i refused, because those dresses would cost about what i was getting paid for this wedding, and i told her i couldn’t afford it. i felt bad, but she begrudgingly walked away. the actual wedding went smoothly, and after everyone else had left the church and congratulated the bride, i stopped to talk to her. i explained what the mother in law said, and she said that it was fine and that they weren’t thinking when they approved my dress. at the reception, when i talked for he mother in law about payment, she refused to pay me. i didn’t want to cause a scene, but the bride came over and heard us talking. this time, she was also upset with me and also refused to pay me. i didn’t know what to do. as my parents were busy and couldn’t attend this wedding, i didn’t have anyone there to back me up. a lot of people assume harpists come from a lot of money because of how expensive harps are, but i’ve been renting a harp since 4th grade, and when my teacher passed, we bought it for an amazing deal. i also charge a lot less than most musicians would, but i have a college payment due in a few days and i can’t afford it. i got my parents involved when i got home, and my dad talked to his friend (the father of the groom) who was there when they approved the dress, and he got the payment to me. i still feel really bad, but i don’t think there was anything i could have done. should i have just sucked it up and bought a new dress? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (f18) was asked to play the harp at a friend of my fathers wedding. normally, i would ask for payment beforehand, but since it was a family friend, they asked if they could just pay me at the reception and i told them yes. the dates worked out for me, and it was set in a church about 1 hour from my house. i showed the dress i planned to wear to the bride when we went over the music she wanted and at the rehearsal, but only on a hanger. it looks like it would be ugly on a hanger, as it’s just navy blue with long sleeves and floor length, but it’s surprisingly pretty. i got to the venue about 4 hours early, so my harp would have time to acclimate to the room. when i got there, the brides mother came to give me my corsage, and when she saw me, she demanded i change my dress. i laughed because i’ve known her for years, and then realized she wasn’t joking. i asked what was wrong with it and she said that the bride went with a non traditional dress that was also navy blue. i panicked a little, because this is her wedding and i felt really bad, but she and her groom had approved it twice. i told the mother, and she asked if i had any other color i could change into. i don’t bring extra dresses unless my dress somehow doesn’t get approved beforehand, so i didn’t. she then told me to go to the bridal shop 20 minutes away, and buy a new dress. i refused, because those dresses would cost about what i was getting paid for this wedding, and i told her i couldn’t afford it. i felt bad, but she begrudgingly walked away. the actual wedding went smoothly, and after everyone else had left the church and congratulated the bride, i stopped to talk to her. i explained what the mother in law said, and she said that it was fine and that they weren’t thinking when they approved my dress. at the reception, when i talked for he mother in law about payment, she refused to pay me. i didn’t want to cause a scene, but the bride came over and heard us talking. this time, she was also upset with me and also refused to pay me. i didn’t know what to do. as my parents were busy and couldn’t attend this wedding, i didn’t have anyone there to back me up. a lot of people assume harpists come from a lot of money because of how expensive harps are, but i’ve been renting a harp since 4th grade, and when my teacher passed, we bought it for an amazing deal. i also charge a lot less than most musicians would, but i have a college payment due in a few days and i can’t afford it. i got my parents involved when i got home, and my dad talked to his friend (the father of the groom) who was there when they approved the dress, and he got the payment to me. i still feel really bad, but i don’t think there was anything i could have done. should i have just sucked it up and bought a new dress? aita? [/INST] nta. you had it approved twice and the bride was okay with it. glad your parents backed you and you got paid. </s>
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AITAH for letting my coworkers quit because I got fired?
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a regular offered me $100 to take a shot with him, he has been drinking at the bar i worked at for over 10 years, i worked there for 4 years. i made a shot with sour mix and cranberry to match the color of his so he thought i was taking one. i just want to make extra money.
my manager happened to see this on the cameras. there is a strict no drinking policy at this bar for bartenders on the clock, and it’s a new manager who is trying to show her authority so she made an example of me and fired me.
there is no way to prove there wasn’t booze in my shot, i saw the footage and with the liquor gun we have right next to the pop gun there is no way to prove i didn’t put liquor in that shot.
i honestly don’t and didn’t care enough to argue with her about it. i’m about to start a new job since i graduate from school after this semester and am not to concerned about my future in bartending.
i trained basically every new person at this bar, and i was honest with them that i was fired in our work group chat. they all started saying if you got fired for that we don’t want to work here either. they were all saying bad things about the manager and how they want to screw the whole bar over by all quitting at the same time.
i told them that our new manager is balls to the walls. i said i’m going to be just fine, but not to make my same mistake and drink anything out of a shot glass because she is that concerned about it. i also told them to think for themselves and do whatever they need to when it comes to their jobs.
i then let my anger overtake me and i said “if you want to find a job where you don’t have to be constantly looking over your back and have to be worried about an insane manager find different bartending and serving jobs. you’re all capable people that don’t deserve a psycho watching over you when you’ve put good time into a work place.” i basically contradicted myself.
i feel like i went over the top, my sister said i should’ve kept my mouth shut. but i explained the whole situation to the old manager, who taught me the “mix things together to look like booze so people don’t feel rejected when they buy you shots trick”. she thinks it’s crazy the new manager won’t trust me after training so many people in and my old manager loves me.
my old manager quit because she was moving away with her fiancé, but she told the new manager that i was trustworthy and i thought the new manager would have some trust considering i was basically running the bar when she came in.
whatever the case, aitah for letting a lot of employees quit on my behalf? because as of now 7/10 bartenders where i was fired from are planning a group quit. i don’t want the bar to close, but i want my manager to realize that she messed up...
| 19,556 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/drw1sf/aitah_for_letting_my_coworkers_quit_because_i_got/
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2019-11-05 07:48:42
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nta. the “juice in a shot glass” is such a well-known bartending trick that the new manager clearly doesn’t understand the job they signed up for. you don’t owe them anything. you could help every single individual get a new job behind that manager’s back and you still wouldn’t be ta. new managers on an extreme power trips have sabotaged more than a few happy workplaces.
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nta.
you are not responsible for their actions.
you are not responsible for the actions of a manager who is out to prove she's good at her job.
you just passed on very valid information that people deserve to know, to protect themselves from possible future harm to professional reputation.
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nta, if they quit it’s their choice.
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please update us if they actually quit.
i'm quite skeptical.
.
edit : since this got way more than 2 upvotes let me clarify my point.
the thing is op i know how you're feeling and your feeling are totally valid but don't hope that the other bartenders will quit, they might talk a lot but talk is cheap, everyone can tell you they're gonna quit but push comes to shove they might just save their own asses and just never quit.
a weekly paycheck is the most additive drug known to mankind so please don't hope that they'll quit and then feel bad later that they didn't, wait for them to actually quit instead.
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time will tell if they actually do quit mate.
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nta they are adults and can make their own decisions, you are just giving them another perspective to consider.
no doubt if they resign, management will try to turn them around with a different perspective. regardless of the outcome they all may end up with a better deal.
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nta they are responsible adults.
ps: would love a follow up as this post gave me a karmaboner.
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nta
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. the manager is playing a very stupid game by power tripping and not trusting key personnel. the stupid prize for that game is that the manager has lost the trust and confidence of the rest of their staff. the new manager earned this mess, and can deal with it personally. you were honest with your former coworkers, and they are making their own decisions. that's on them, just like the manager's actions are on her. part of leadership is trusting your subordinates, especially when they have the track record to earn that trust. i would say that being the lead bartender for years and training pretty much everybody in the bar qualifies as a trustworthy track record.
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"i was basically running the place when she got there"
this is your problem. she didn't happen to just be running through the tapes, she was looking for a reason to fire you because (through no fault of your own and probably just in her head) your continued existence was undermining her in the power structure. also nta, your coworkers are responsible for their own decisions on this.
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nta. i doubt your coworkers will quit.
however, in my last job, three of us quit at the same time. there weren’t that many techs in the pharmacy to begin with, and three of us left the same week. and ultimately, we all left for the same reason, our manager is a passive-aggressive asshole. he won’t manage customers. he won’t manage store management and their ridiculous expectations. he just wants to micromanage pharmacy technicians who have been well-trained and well educated, and let the other techs who are not up to standard slide.
there’s no accountability for the techs who can’t meet standard. there’s no accountability for techs who are flagrantly ignoring department rules. nope. the only techs who got called on the carpet were the three of us, because we were supposed to “set an example”.
so, we all quit at the same time, and store management and the district pharmacy manager flipped out. and i am working elsewhere and am enjoying the freak out from a distance. and? i had all my prescriptions transferred elsewhere, since i don’t have their insurance, i don’t have to have anything filled there.
and last i heard, they’re looking for a new pharmacy manager.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a regular offered me $100 to take a shot with him, he has been drinking at the bar i worked at for over 10 years, i worked there for 4 years. i made a shot with sour mix and cranberry to match the color of his so he thought i was taking one. i just want to make extra money. my manager happened to see this on the cameras. there is a strict no drinking policy at this bar for bartenders on the clock, and it’s a new manager who is trying to show her authority so she made an example of me and fired me. there is no way to prove there wasn’t booze in my shot, i saw the footage and with the liquor gun we have right next to the pop gun there is no way to prove i didn’t put liquor in that shot. i honestly don’t and didn’t care enough to argue with her about it. i’m about to start a new job since i graduate from school after this semester and am not to concerned about my future in bartending. i trained basically every new person at this bar, and i was honest with them that i was fired in our work group chat. they all started saying if you got fired for that we don’t want to work here either. they were all saying bad things about the manager and how they want to screw the whole bar over by all quitting at the same time. i told them that our new manager is balls to the walls. i said i’m going to be just fine, but not to make my same mistake and drink anything out of a shot glass because she is that concerned about it. i also told them to think for themselves and do whatever they need to when it comes to their jobs. i then let my anger overtake me and i said “if you want to find a job where you don’t have to be constantly looking over your back and have to be worried about an insane manager find different bartending and serving jobs. you’re all capable people that don’t deserve a psycho watching over you when you’ve put good time into a work place.” i basically contradicted myself. i feel like i went over the top, my sister said i should’ve kept my mouth shut. but i explained the whole situation to the old manager, who taught me the “mix things together to look like booze so people don’t feel rejected when they buy you shots trick”. she thinks it’s crazy the new manager won’t trust me after training so many people in and my old manager loves me. my old manager quit because she was moving away with her fiancé, but she told the new manager that i was trustworthy and i thought the new manager would have some trust considering i was basically running the bar when she came in. whatever the case, aitah for letting a lot of employees quit on my behalf? because as of now 7/10 bartenders where i was fired from are planning a group quit. i don’t want the bar to close, but i want my manager to realize that she messed up...
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a regular offered me $100 to take a shot with him, he has been drinking at the bar i worked at for over 10 years, i worked there for 4 years. i made a shot with sour mix and cranberry to match the color of his so he thought i was taking one. i just want to make extra money. my manager happened to see this on the cameras. there is a strict no drinking policy at this bar for bartenders on the clock, and it’s a new manager who is trying to show her authority so she made an example of me and fired me. there is no way to prove there wasn’t booze in my shot, i saw the footage and with the liquor gun we have right next to the pop gun there is no way to prove i didn’t put liquor in that shot. i honestly don’t and didn’t care enough to argue with her about it. i’m about to start a new job since i graduate from school after this semester and am not to concerned about my future in bartending. i trained basically every new person at this bar, and i was honest with them that i was fired in our work group chat. they all started saying if you got fired for that we don’t want to work here either. they were all saying bad things about the manager and how they want to screw the whole bar over by all quitting at the same time. i told them that our new manager is balls to the walls. i said i’m going to be just fine, but not to make my same mistake and drink anything out of a shot glass because she is that concerned about it. i also told them to think for themselves and do whatever they need to when it comes to their jobs. i then let my anger overtake me and i said “if you want to find a job where you don’t have to be constantly looking over your back and have to be worried about an insane manager find different bartending and serving jobs. you’re all capable people that don’t deserve a psycho watching over you when you’ve put good time into a work place.” i basically contradicted myself. i feel like i went over the top, my sister said i should’ve kept my mouth shut. but i explained the whole situation to the old manager, who taught me the “mix things together to look like booze so people don’t feel rejected when they buy you shots trick”. she thinks it’s crazy the new manager won’t trust me after training so many people in and my old manager loves me. my old manager quit because she was moving away with her fiancé, but she told the new manager that i was trustworthy and i thought the new manager would have some trust considering i was basically running the bar when she came in. whatever the case, aitah for letting a lot of employees quit on my behalf? because as of now 7/10 bartenders where i was fired from are planning a group quit. i don’t want the bar to close, but i want my manager to realize that she messed up... [/INST] nta. the “juice in a shot glass” is such a well-known bartending trick that the new manager clearly doesn’t understand the job they signed up for. you don’t owe them anything. you could help every single individual get a new job behind that manager’s back and you still wouldn’t be ta. new managers on an extreme power trips have sabotaged more than a few happy workplaces. </s>
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AITA for telling my SIL she can leave Christmas dinner when she freaked out over tampons?
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okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend.
i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming).
she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on.
i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop?
anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did.
jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?
| 28,373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zv5h8o/aita_for_telling_my_sil_she_can_leave_christmas/
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2022-12-25 20:04:59
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nta - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon***
keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again.
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nta—this stranger came to your house and insulted you. she’s hardly a member of the family after 3 months of dating your boyfriend’s brother. if she was genuinely concerned about her child seeing the tampons, then she wouldn’t have walked out waving them in the air and screaming.
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nta
it’s a box of unused tampons, she was being a drama llama.
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girl , you need a better boyfriend. they are the ah . and the gf entitled attitude brings an unannounced child. no , you were brilliant. tell boyfriend he can stay at his brothers until he apologize and stick up for you
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who the fuck loses their shit over a box of unused tampons. and to say that children and men shouldn’t see them? kids and most men literally don’t care about that kind of stuff, especially kids. she is so weird.
your bf and his brother are the ah’s for thinking you’re one. she was a guest and also made a very bad first impression. she was extremely rude.
you = nta
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nta
sil sounds unhinged. her reaction was crazy and excessive. it's not like you smeared a used tampon on her's child face.
besides, it's the second time i read about someone being invited and bringing unannounced children. very rude, you always ask the host.
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nta. good grief. she's traumatizing herself. i'm surprised she survives, being female. your boyfriend owes you an apology. if he can't handle seeing a box of tampons (or having your back on this), he's not ready to be in a relationship.
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nta
was there a reason she went to defcon one, acting like she found a smoking crack pipe?
she stopped your party in its tracks, shrieking and carrying on. is it possible she was looking to sabotage it, or wanted an excuse to leave? does she not like you and is trying to break you and your bf up?
she is either emotionally unhinged, or she has some ulterior motive.
but absolutely you are nta
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nta, she shows up at your house with an uninvited kid and disrespects you like that???? what an ah, your bf and his brother too.
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nta. that is your home, your bathroom. she sounds like she's got some internalized misogyny going on to think that a natural thing is so disgusting that you need to hide all traces that you menstruate.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, she’s not my sil yet but i used it to make the title simpler. she’s my boyfriend’s borther’s girlfriend. i (f28) have been with my boyfriend (m32, ian) for 3 years. we’ve decided to host a small, early christmas dinner. one of the people invited was his brother, jake (m26). jake asked if he could bring his girlfriend as she was all alone (they’ve been together for 3 months) and we agreed, the more the merrier. his girlfriend, naveah (f28) seemed a bit timid but lovely. naveah brought her 8 year old son (that we didn’t know was coming). she seemed lovely right until she went to the bathroom, she came out shrieking,box of my tampon she in her hand, literally gasping for air in between her shrieks. i could barely understand her. turns out, my box of tampons was visible (duuuh, it’s within a reach because hey, i need it monthly, why should i hide it and then look for it). she was going off about being disgusting, how could i be so shameless to have this in front of a child and other men and so on. i looked at her in disbelief, i couldn’t believe she made a scene about a box of tampons, has she never been in a shop? anyway, i told her that my tampons stay where they are but if she’s so pressed, she can leave and go home where no tampons are present. she turned red, quite literally, her face was bright pink. huffing and puffing, she dressed her kid and told jake to drive her home which he did. jake didn’t come back but he called from her house telling ian that i was the asshole. i was surprised to hear that ian (my boyfriend) agreed with him. i thought he would be on my side. we were about to argue but i decided it wasn’t worth it and went to my office to cool down and think this through. am i the asshole for telling her to leave? [/INST] nta - ***nobody would have fuckin noticed if she didn’t drag the damn things out and yell about it like a buffoon*** keep the box when you’re done. leave it out if she comes over again. </s>
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AITA for banning my father from my home because he banned me from his when I was younger?
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when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well.
eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home.
i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule.
he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it.
it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old.
his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now.
but i don't really want to be his backup plan.
he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself.
last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him.
i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation.
was i the asshole?
| 26,198 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8znou/aita_for_banning_my_father_from_my_home_because/
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2020-08-13 13:11:56
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nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that.
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nta - he chose his wife and stepdaughter over you. he deserves to know how that hurt you.
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nta. you reap what you sow. he can never take back his choice but maybe you can if you feel like it.
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nta - he asked, you told him (assuming this was all done civilly). you are certainly being very adult and a very good parent by letting him have a relationship with your son. good for you.
it is up to you whether you may, one day, decide that you want to try and have a cordial relationship with him. maybe you might consider asking for some time for a conversation where you get the opportunity to tell him just how it felt, 13 years ago, to have your dad put his new wife and stepdaughter first, and all the painful emotions that went along with that decision. that the thought of having visits at your grandparents' felt like you were an outcast, etc. an indepth conversation with lots of "i felt. " sentences. then he might understand just why you are acting as you are now.
i have done the same. i have been advised to not let the opportunity pass you by to speak your mind, because one day the parent will be gone and so will that opportunity. i spoke all my emotions, got everything off my heart. it did feel good. (didn't change the relationship. )
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i think this one is a mixed bag and you're both at fault a little.
you wrote "eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home."
should he have just let the fighting continue? the way you explain it, it sounds like you were at fault - at least partially - for all the fighting. (you say you just "couldn't get along with" the step-mother.) no judgement, you were a teenager. but still. he didn't "ban" you from his home -- although i get why it's an an effective ban -- he asked to see you elsewhere to avoid terrible fighting . that seems reasonable. you're the one that then refused to see him. (maybe you're leaving out some details?)
also "he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested." i'd like to know more about his attempts and why they didn't work. from what you wrote, it sounds like you were mostly the one pushing him away. (and i'm also keeping in mind that generally ops give their own side of the story - but still you haven't really given any examples of really bad behavior on his part.)
there are a lot of examples of toxic people taking advantage of various ops in this sub, and lots of people should rightfully cut their toxic relatives out of their lives. but i disagree with a lot of the other commentators here that your dad is one of those toxic people.
if you don't want to see him, then you don't want to, and don't feel obligated to. but if you're just doing a tit-for-tat "ban," ask yourself what do you think he should have done differently when you were getting into terrible screaming matches with your step mother and step sister. just let that continue? wouldn't allowing that to continue have been worse? why didn't you want to do visitation with him at a different house?
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info:
>when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well.
why couldn’t you get along with her? what was causing the friction between you and her daughter?
>eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house
who was starting the fights? what was the fighting about?
without getting a clearer picture i can’t really give a judgement.
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nta. your dad put his new family before you until his wife died if she was still alive he’d still be a deadbeat. i’m sorry you’ve experienced this and i hope you find your peace and healing.
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nta and i'm sorry he did that to you. i'm going to share a personal experience not because it's the same but because i think it might clarify your situation and maybe bring you comfort in your decision, if not his.
when i was young my father remarried a woman who... well, let's just shorthand it to say she likely wouldn't have married him if she'd known he would start asking for more visitation once he had a wife. she had already dumped each of her three children on whomever was nearest at hand in her search for yet another meal ticket so... yeah. i grew up spending more and more time with them (my mother was maternal only in the sense that she gave birth) and was hurt by how little interest he had in my actual person and feelings. i noted that he doted on her, catered to her, and would move the stars to keep her from sulking but my actual *needs* we're an inconvenience best ignored. i once made the mistake of asking him how he could place anyone so far above his only child and this was his response: "she is my wife. she will be in my life forever. you're going to grow up and get married but she will always be with me. when you have a family of your own you'll understand."
i don't know if your father ever voiced this to you but it sounds like he absolutely *thought* it.
now you have grown up. you have a spouse and a child of your own and (hopefully) you know just how wrong that sentiment is. and he is, contrary to his plan, without the woman he chose and catered to. this is not your fault.
he made his choice.
you protect yours.
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esh, but mostly you. it seems like you played your fair part in making your home life horrible for everyone, which you have never acknowledged.
it sucks you had to go live with your grandparents, but it seems like it wound up being the best solution for everyone, and sort of like you didn't leave him with any choice. you don't negotiate with terrorists, even when that terrorist is your own kid. he would have hated and resented you if you had imploded his marriage, either by driving his spouse away, or convincing him to leave her for the benefit of his caustically angry, unpleasant teen, just as you would hate and resent someone who did that to your current marriage.
you are the one who blocked his attempts to regularly see you as a teen, and refused his multiple attempts to reconcile. if you hadn't, it's likely in a few months or so, you would have been invited over again, and possibly worked your way up to moving back in.
this feels like a problem of your own making and you really need to go to therapy.
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how is everyone voting nta without having any idea what happened with op and his stepmother/stepsibling. there’s an assumption here that they were in the wrong and op’s dad kicked him out for no reason. for all we know, it could have been op making this a bad situation.
apparently op’s dad made attempts to fix their relationship.
if the issue was op, then it still wasn’t right to just ship them off to the grandparents, but there is a lot missing from this post.
that being said op has no obligation to have their dad in their life, but i’m suspicious as to whether the dad is completely at fault.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i was 15, my father married a woman i just could not get along with. and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well. eventually, the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead, effectively banning me from his own home. i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule. he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested. we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it. it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a 1 year old. his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming he's lonely now. but i don't really want to be his backup plan. he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage much with him myself. last december, he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him. i told him the the truth. he was very upset but it's the reality of the situation. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw ups our parents did to our relations, which is something i do not believe is fair. your actions are direct consequence of his, and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that. </s>
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AITA for asking for a morning off from my baby on the weekends?
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my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one.
on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways .
recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour.
but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out.
i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep?
| 13,992 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yvacq1/aita_for_asking_for_a_morning_off_from_my_baby_on/
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2022-11-14 19:45:33
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yta, if she's taking all the night duty because you don't wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night. you want a morning off, give her a night off.
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yta - you don't think she wants to just chill out and do something on her own time? she's working too by not just going to work, but also taking care of the baby. the least you could do is give her some time to sleep in. she's right; you can nap and do whatever, she can't. and unless you're going to offer to take over the feeding through formula, the only time she gets a break is if baby is sleeping or she's off to work.
give up your extra hour of sleep; give it to your wife, who does so much.
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i needed night time support from my partner when my child was a newborn. he didn't take it serious and it took more effort from me to wake him up to help than it was to just do it myself. i stopped feeling like a human. the resentment never went away. we divorced when the kid was 2.
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rip op
you're going to be buried in the yta judgements here.
she works pt, takes care of baby, has to do all the housework, has to do all of the night feedings, can't sleep.... but sure, you'd like an hour.
you are out of the house all week, and you do what, spend one hour a day "helping" to take care of your kid? and would like more time to play games?
you have no idea what her day looks like, do you? take three days off, and send her on a mini vacay to sleep somewhere, and see all the stuff that she does on a daily basis, on repeat.
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yta - so you get a complete full night uninterrupted sleep because you don’t wake up (deep sleep, whatever) to feed/change your child and you still want more sleep? your child wakes up at 7am…. that’s pretty conservative really…. mine are up at 5am…. the joy…. we did take it in turns to sleep in when they were little but that’s because we both took turns at night…..
edit to add -> what’s the difference between an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon???? still wasted hour you can’t play video games and chill……
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yta - she's perpetually sleep deprived and an extra 1-2 hours on the weekend can make all the difference. meanwhile, you get a full night's sleep every single night
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yta, you would rather play video games then help your exhausted wife get an extra hour of sleep?! why do people marry people like you?! my husband was constantly trying to take our kids so i could get sleep (especially when i was up nursing every few hours).
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give her my contact info i'll keep her happy.
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info: when was the last time your wife got more than 6 hours of sleep in a row?
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i have read your post and some of your responses. i am honestly blown away by how selfish you are and how you don’t seem to see it. but actually i think you are more than aware of it and are perfectly okay with being selfish so long as all your needs are met.
as a former breast feeding mother i completely understand where you wife is coming from. her body aches, her hormones are out of whack, her nutrition might not be great, and she is exhausted mentally and physically. it is a kind of tired that you will never understand.
your wife need rest. she is verbalizing to you that she needs help. and she’s not asking you to help by feeding the baby overnight with pumped breast milk. because god forbid, you wake up in the night. she’s simply asking you to let her catch up on the rest she’s not getting right now.
i don’t think you can understand just how quickly someone can lose themselves when they become and mom and breast feed. her entire existence has become 100% about someone else. and she does it every day. and she takes care of you. so who takes care of her? what will it take for you to realize she needs help since her asking for it didn’t seem to be enough?
it’s time to grow up. it’s time to put the needs of your wife and baby ahead of your own because that is what it means to be a parent and a husband and an adult. stop congratulating yourself for making your own lunches on occasion. stop patting yourself on the back for giving her a break when you get home. a break that i am sure is really just her doing laundry, or cooking, or bathing. those are not breaks.
your child deserves better from you. and your wife cannot be the parent she wants to be when she is exhausted and unsupported. this is how marriages end. because she signed up to be your wife, not your mommy.
to put this into perspective for you, think of it this way. if your wife disappeared tomorrow, your entire life and home would be in shambles. if you disappeared tomorrow her life would be pretty much exactly the same except for that all important break when you get home from work. you shouldn’t be okay with that kind of imbalance in your relationship.
yta.
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one. on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways . recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour. but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out. i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a six month old baby girl. she's mostly a sahm, she works two half days a week and her sister watches the baby. i work full time and go to school one day a week. we've always had an arrangement where she takes care of the household duties (cooking, cleaning, and now baby care) while i happily support her monetarily. honestly, we are both living our dream life and my wife does an absolutely spectacular job taking care of me and our little one. on the weekends, we share baby duty. we usually make sure each of us gets our own alone time to do whatever we want. however, our girl has hit a bit of a sleep regression, waking up every two hours--since my wife breast feeds, she's always taken care of the baby full time overnight. she's a light sleeper and unfortunately has insomnia, whereas i am a deep sleeper and wouldn't wake up for baby cries anyways . recently my wife has been asking me to wake up with the baby both days on the weekends so she can get an extra hour of sleep. baby wakes up around 7am. i get the baby dressed and take over for that hour. but sometimes, i want to be the one that gets to sleep in an extra hour. i brought this up to her and she says while she's happy to let me nap during the day, she really needs that hour bc she can't nap like i can. we got into an argument about it, and she said i'm being very insensitive when i know she is very exhausted and cant nap during the day and she struggles going back to sleep every time the baby wakes up. but i'm exhausted too, work wears me out, and school days are long... and i sometimes want the hour in the morning. i don't want to spend my off time napping, i want to play videogames and chill out. i've gotten mixed opinions on who is in the wrong here, or if there even is anyone in the wrong. aita for asking us to share mornings off for sleep? [/INST] yta, if she's taking all the night duty because you don't wake up, then you get the morning duty when you do wake up so she can catch up on her lost sleep in the night. you want a morning off, give her a night off. </s>
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AITA for not going to buy ibuprofen for my child?
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we are on a 1 night trip.
my child (2yo) started getting sleepy and now is slowly warming up. he doesn't complain, but has a hard time falling asleep.
my wife decided to go cuddle him, because he was 1 hour past his usual sleeping time.
now i am not doing anything in particular, but surfing reddit. she asked me to go buy our son ibuprofen for the night. i told her no, we can't take his temperature as we don't have a thermometer, so i wouldn't give him anything.
she insisted. i told her to go buy it and give it to him herself if she really was desperate for it. she says i am the asshole for not going to get it as she is cuddling him and i am not doing anything productive.
tomorrow we will be home by 10 am
| 3,373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vq55xk/aita_for_not_going_to_buy_ibuprofen_for_my_child/
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2022-07-03 00:30:10
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yta
how about trying to act less like a sperm donor and more like a father?
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yta....buy a thermometer when you are buying the ibuprofen.
normally, i did not rush to give my kids meds for a small fever. however, traveling with a small child who has a fever will be miserable for everyone, especially the child. make him as comfortable as possible while traveling home.
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yta. if you were worried about confirming the fever, you could pick up a thermometer at the pharmacy as well. you sound like you just don’t really give a shit about your kid being sick. it’s not a flattering look. were you going to do anything to help your kid feel better and fall asleep, or just sit on your ass all night while your wife does the parenting?
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yikes.
yta. 2yo do not complain when they have high fevers. in fact, they do quite the opposite. they are sluggish and you can't tell unless you touch them.
did you expect him to say "father, i am feeling ever so awful and would be pleased if you were to get me some ibuprofen for my ever rising temperature."
grow up and take care of your child.
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what the hell dude. get off your ass and get your child medicine. you admit to knowing he’s warm and can’t sleep and yet you found scrolling on reddit more important? it’s not just your wife’s responsibility to take care of your kid.
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info what’s your deal? lazy? genuinely think it’s a bad idea to give the kid some fever relief?
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yta. if he is warm and uncomfortable you don’t need to measure his temperature.
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yta!!! i have a 2 year old and if i asked my husband wouldn’t hesitate to get what i asked. a mom knows. she knew he was warming up. she knew he had a slight fever. no thermometer needed. don’t be a fucking ah and go get the baby some ibuprofen
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have you not learned to parent?
kid sick = get medication
no rocket science required
yta.
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yta. what is wrong with you? get up and go get a thermometer at a pharmacy along with the ibuprofen, chances are you’ll use it before it expires. are you really willing to bed your child’s health and safety on being so stubborn? what are you going to do in the middle of the night if he gets hotter? then there may be no where open and you’ll just use that as an excuse. do better.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we are on a 1 night trip. my child (2yo) started getting sleepy and now is slowly warming up. he doesn't complain, but has a hard time falling asleep. my wife decided to go cuddle him, because he was 1 hour past his usual sleeping time. now i am not doing anything in particular, but surfing reddit. she asked me to go buy our son ibuprofen for the night. i told her no, we can't take his temperature as we don't have a thermometer, so i wouldn't give him anything. she insisted. i told her to go buy it and give it to him herself if she really was desperate for it. she says i am the asshole for not going to get it as she is cuddling him and i am not doing anything productive. tomorrow we will be home by 10 am
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we are on a 1 night trip. my child (2yo) started getting sleepy and now is slowly warming up. he doesn't complain, but has a hard time falling asleep. my wife decided to go cuddle him, because he was 1 hour past his usual sleeping time. now i am not doing anything in particular, but surfing reddit. she asked me to go buy our son ibuprofen for the night. i told her no, we can't take his temperature as we don't have a thermometer, so i wouldn't give him anything. she insisted. i told her to go buy it and give it to him herself if she really was desperate for it. she says i am the asshole for not going to get it as she is cuddling him and i am not doing anything productive. tomorrow we will be home by 10 am [/INST] yta how about trying to act less like a sperm donor and more like a father? </s>
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AITA For Barring My Husband From The Bedroom Tonight?
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so here is the situation.
me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them.
husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol.
btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation.
today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago.
today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary.
he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway.
he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight.
leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else.
i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again.
at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away.
it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone.
as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work).
he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch.
aita
adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am.
also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work.
also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you.
| 38,412 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxm71l/aita_for_barring_my_husband_from_the_bedroom/
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2020-07-25 12:50:04
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nta
i'd ban him for more than one night! what kind of thoughtless behaviour! sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? it's not fair that he's not pulling his weight.
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nta. my first reaction is who’s he seeing on the side? if he’s spending his free time with his mate, is his mate just providing an alibi? when you call and he’s not there, how convenient is the mate’s response?
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thats not a husband its an over grown child. if he can't spend 1 day with you in 18 months and chooses to spend that day with his friends then kicking him out of the bedroom isn't going to change his behaviour. he needs to start making you, his wife a priority or he needs to pack his shit and leave. he doesn't work and isn't looking for work. he spends all day every day hanging with friends or gaming while you work your ass off helping others and paying bills. couples therapy isnt going to change that as he probably believes you are over reacting and he has done nothing wrong. sorry to sound harsh but you married a dud. he's lazy and inconsiderate. personally i'd throw the whole man away and start again. nta
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nta i don’t want to upset you, but you do have to consider that something more is going on than just your husband spending a lot of time with a pal. there might be some “extramarital” activity going on and the friend is acting as a front so your husband can carry on with whomever without you finding out. you know your husband best, but if i were you, i’d be suspicious of his behavior.
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why are you still with this man? he does not care about you - in fact he’s more concerned about this “friend” than he is you. he is working two days a week and plays video games the rest of the week? i’d love to hear an explanation for the logic there.
does he do chores? run errands? anything to help his partner’s day be a bit easier? does he even enjoy being around you?
nta
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divorce him. your life will be the same as now, except that you will have more money because you are not paying for home to life a life of leisure.
or don't. and decide you want to years down the road. and by then you have to pay him alimony due to the length of marriage.
you deserve someone who prioritizes you.
nta
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you don’t need reddit you need marriage counseling.
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nta and you deserve a better husband.
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nta. this is one of those scenarios where i can’t even say “you need to communicate with him-“ because it’s so blatantly fucking obvious what he did wrong. he doesn’t value your time together at all.
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clearly this is your first marriage. good luck on the next one.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so here is the situation. me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them. husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol. btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation. today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago. today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary. he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway. he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight. leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else. i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again. at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away. it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone. as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work). he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch. aita adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am. also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work. also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so here is the situation. me: nurse. working 50ish hours a week in paediatric icu. cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. my salary pays our bills. all of them. husband: 25m. has a degree but isn't looking for a job. works 2 days a week at the grocery store. spends most of his time playing lol. btw all events here are in accordance with covid legislation. today was supposed to be a good day. i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago. today was supposed to be our first saturday off together. we were going to go to an animal sanctuary. he starts the day by going to breakfast. with his best mate. leaving before i even wake up. i wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. call. he says he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway. he gets home at 1ish. lies around. plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight. leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else. i go grocery shopping. i don't drive because of medical issues, but i walk there and back in the rain. i get home, realise i've left my keys inside. call husband, knowing he's 5min away. he says he will leave in a minute. i sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, i call again. he hasn't left yet. he finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again. at 10, i i called to see where he is. his friend answers. says he is driving out to do something an hour away. it's 10.30. i am going to bed. i have sent him a txt that i am upset and don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone. as far as i am concerned, if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (btw, his friend doesn't work, so they hang out all the time when i am at work). he is going to be upset. and he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him i'm being a bitch. aita adding some info: i am 26. we weren't always like this. i don't know what changed. i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair. and i fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn't 4am. also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and i love all my patients. that's why i cry. and i don't mean hours of sobbing. i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work. also thank you for your kindness. i was expecting maybe 5 replies. i am trying to respond as much as i can. but there are a lot of you. [/INST] nta i'd ban him for more than one night! what kind of thoughtless behaviour! sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? it's not fair that he's not pulling his weight. </s>
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AITA for not liking how my girlfriend dresses for work?
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so i (43m) don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but my mother is very angry at me, and my best friend said i was a horrible person for saying what i did and i’d be lucky if my girlfriend didn’t put me out with the garbage, since i decided i wanted to act like trash.
my girlfriend (34f) is a preschool teacher and for some reason i can’t explain she dresses like ms. frizzle. like a dress with the pattern of whatever they are studying. she makes a lot of them herself, now including matching masks. the kids love it, and the parents seem to think it’s great. i don’t like the amount of attention she gets honestly. i’d prefer if she came home and changed before running any errands.
on friday, she helped my mom with something after work and she was still in her weird dress. i have told her before i don’t like when she dresses that way, but she tells me i don’t have to like it, but i have no right to tell her how to dress. i was upset she went out like that with my mother, and told her that my mom said she was embarrassed and to ask that she please not dress like that again if they’re going out. i was not expecting her to call my mom and apologize. when my mom asked what she meant, she told her what i said. my mom was furious, explained she doesn’t have a problem with how my girlfriend dresses and thinks it’s great she spends extra time doing things to engage her students. my mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because i was being an insecure jerk.
my girlfriend and i got into a huge fight. i said she should be embarrassed to be seen in public like that. she said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me. she hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since. my friend said i was horrible and called me trash. i shouldn’t have lied, but i think my girlfriend should take what i think about her clothes into consideration and i’m not sorry for expecting her dress more appropriately in public. am i really such an asshole here?
| 21,043 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jrsflx/aita_for_not_liking_how_my_girlfriend_dresses_for/
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2020-11-10 20:07:07
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yta.
> i have no right to tell her how to dress.
yup.
> my mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because i was being an insecure jerk.
yup.
> she said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me.
good for her, honestly.
> i’m not sorry
and that's why you got dumped.
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yta
> for some reason i can’t explain
here's the reason: "*the kids love it, and the parents seem to think it’s great.*"
> she hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since.
oh poor you, she hasn't done anything for you? but she's your property, why isn't she attending to her duties?
maybe it's because you lied to her.
or because you're a controlling jerk.
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bro.... what? yta mrs. frizzle is a treasure, she is not to be disrespected
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yta. you...don't understand why a preschool teacher would dress in bright, fun, educational outfits? this *can't* be for real, can it?
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[removed]
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yta
>i don’t like the amount of attention she gets honestly
translation- i’m insecure and don’t like people looking at what i consider mine.
look, your mom and friend are right. you acted atrociously, you lied, you seem to think your opinion should hold more weight than her own, and when called out, you act like everyone else is being unreasonable. why exactly do you think she should take your opinion on how she dresses into consideration? do you take her opinion into consideration because it certainly doesn’t sound like it.
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this has got to be fake. it just has to be. nobody could possibly be this dense. but just in case you aren’t some sort of attention seeking internet personality, yes yta. 100% yta.
your girlfriend is dressing in a way that makes herself happy. she is not dressing inappropriately for her profession nor for any sort of every-day activity. the fact that her wardrobe embarrasses you is your problem, not anybody else’s. on top of that you tried to shame her and make it seem like you have more support for your stance by lying about your mother’s opinion which is disgusting, manipulative behavior.
if you can’t get over yourself and this, she should absolutely break things off with you and find someone who actually loves who she is. freeing you up to find someone who, idk looks the way you want them to.
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yta.
in what world is she “inappropriate”? she sounds like she has confidence and a personality.
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yta even mommy thinks you're an ass, that should be a hint.
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yta and honestly you seem very controlling. i’m not even going to bring up the age gap which already red flag. but the fact that you think you have any right to tell her how to dress is appalling. also you mentioning that she hasn’t done anything for you since getting upset?!! she’s not a toy. she’s not your maid or your property. yta op. big time. and i honestly hope she has enough self worth to leave you.
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (43m) don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but my mother is very angry at me, and my best friend said i was a horrible person for saying what i did and i’d be lucky if my girlfriend didn’t put me out with the garbage, since i decided i wanted to act like trash. my girlfriend (34f) is a preschool teacher and for some reason i can’t explain she dresses like ms. frizzle. like a dress with the pattern of whatever they are studying. she makes a lot of them herself, now including matching masks. the kids love it, and the parents seem to think it’s great. i don’t like the amount of attention she gets honestly. i’d prefer if she came home and changed before running any errands. on friday, she helped my mom with something after work and she was still in her weird dress. i have told her before i don’t like when she dresses that way, but she tells me i don’t have to like it, but i have no right to tell her how to dress. i was upset she went out like that with my mother, and told her that my mom said she was embarrassed and to ask that she please not dress like that again if they’re going out. i was not expecting her to call my mom and apologize. when my mom asked what she meant, she told her what i said. my mom was furious, explained she doesn’t have a problem with how my girlfriend dresses and thinks it’s great she spends extra time doing things to engage her students. my mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because i was being an insecure jerk. my girlfriend and i got into a huge fight. i said she should be embarrassed to be seen in public like that. she said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me. she hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since. my friend said i was horrible and called me trash. i shouldn’t have lied, but i think my girlfriend should take what i think about her clothes into consideration and i’m not sorry for expecting her dress more appropriately in public. am i really such an asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (43m) don’t think i’m in the wrong here, but my mother is very angry at me, and my best friend said i was a horrible person for saying what i did and i’d be lucky if my girlfriend didn’t put me out with the garbage, since i decided i wanted to act like trash. my girlfriend (34f) is a preschool teacher and for some reason i can’t explain she dresses like ms. frizzle. like a dress with the pattern of whatever they are studying. she makes a lot of them herself, now including matching masks. the kids love it, and the parents seem to think it’s great. i don’t like the amount of attention she gets honestly. i’d prefer if she came home and changed before running any errands. on friday, she helped my mom with something after work and she was still in her weird dress. i have told her before i don’t like when she dresses that way, but she tells me i don’t have to like it, but i have no right to tell her how to dress. i was upset she went out like that with my mother, and told her that my mom said she was embarrassed and to ask that she please not dress like that again if they’re going out. i was not expecting her to call my mom and apologize. when my mom asked what she meant, she told her what i said. my mom was furious, explained she doesn’t have a problem with how my girlfriend dresses and thinks it’s great she spends extra time doing things to engage her students. my mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because i was being an insecure jerk. my girlfriend and i got into a huge fight. i said she should be embarrassed to be seen in public like that. she said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me. she hasn’t spoken to me or done anything for me since. my friend said i was horrible and called me trash. i shouldn’t have lied, but i think my girlfriend should take what i think about her clothes into consideration and i’m not sorry for expecting her dress more appropriately in public. am i really such an asshole here? [/INST] yta. > i have no right to tell her how to dress. yup. > my mom then yelled at me for lying to my girlfriend and trying to throw her under the bus because i was being an insecure jerk. yup. > she said the only thing she was embarrassed by was me. good for her, honestly. > i’m not sorry and that's why you got dumped. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother's girlfriend that it was weird for her to keep an urn of her late husband's ashes in the house?
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okay, so this happened last night while me (m23) and my family were visiting my brother's (m30) girlfriend's (f30) house for the first time.
we were all sitting at dinner table and i remembered when my brother's girlfriend, who's a widow, saying that she keeps an urn of her late husband's ashes in the house. conversation let from one thing to another then, i looked at my brother and asked him quietly if he was comfortable with having his girlfriend's late husband's urn in the house. he gave me a long stare so i figured the answer was yes but maybe, he couldn't tell his girlfriend about it fearing she'd misunderstand maybe?. so i brought it up with her and told her it was quite weird to have her late husband's urn in the house. she looked at me and was apparently caught off guard by what i said. she said that she didn't think so and that it wasn't like the urn was on display, also said this is her late husband's house and where the urn should be. i told her it felt weird especially, since she just had my brother move in with her and he must be feeling uncomfortable with the idea, his girlfriend looked upset and got quiet. my brother shouted "none of your goddamned business, shut your mouth elijah, jeezus!" i responded with "i mean..personally i wouldn't be cool with my girl keeping an urn of her ex within close approximate, at best best it'd make me feel uncomfortable, at worst it'd make me feel creeped out." his girlfriend then replyed by saying that i have no business dating a widow then and i shrugged. she excused herself to the kitchen and stayed there, my brother went off on me calling me an obnoxios asshole for making dinner awkward and upsetting his girlfriend. i told him i was just giving my opinion but he lashed out more.
my parents and i left and they told me my brother's girlfriend was being hypersensitive, but i too went too far and upset my brother and probably sparked an argument between them and i should reach to apologize but i'm not sure.
[edit] guys! please, one thing you should know is that i had no intentions of being hurtful. i do not hate my brother's girlfriend, infact, we get along pretty well but i just wanted to add that i had no malicious intent here. i'm not the the type of guys who go out of their way to act maliciously but i feel kind of guilty for how the situation played out. [edit2] my parents are the ones who said she was being hypersensitive, not me. [edit3] yes, i overheard my brother venting about the urn when he first moved in just so you know.
| 14,012 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/shtses/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_girlfriend_that_it/
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2022-02-01 12:26:13
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yta. news flash, dude. you are not always entitled to your opinion. this is none of your business whatsoever. think about this whenever you open your mouth to speak...
1. is what you're about to say helpful?
2. is what you're about to say necessary?
3. is what you're about to say kind?
if the answer to all or even two of these is "no" then keep your mouth shut.
this incident? the answer to all three is a definite "no".
edit for clarification.
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yta. an absolutely massive one. it's not her 'ex.' she didn't dump him. he didn't leave her. he was her husband and he died. that love doesn't just disappear. you don't just erase all memory of a loving marriage. who else should have his ashes but his wife? why would you even think to question her or pass comment on this? do you have no social skills or empathy at all?
your brother already knows her past and accepts it and it's precisely f all to do with you. your parents are also ahs if they agree with you.
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everyone else is pointing out that yta (and you absolutely are) but i haven't seen a comment yet point out that this is not her ex!!
>i wouldn't be cool with my girl keeping an urn of her ex
an ex is someone you (or they) have made a decision to end a relationship with. her husband died. they didn't choose to end the relationship (no matter how he died). he is her husband. her late husband, but her husband nonetheless.
shame on you for this behavior. you owe her a massive apology, assuming she's even willing to hear you out - i sure wouldn't be.
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yta - what do you expect her to do with her husband?
you are a mega asshole. you don't through people asses away because you have a boyfriend. that is somone she loves.
the way you went about it is completely hurtful, that is not a topic to even touch.
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yta for referring to the husband as an "ex" as well as for being rude and insulting. just because he is dead does not make him an ex. he is still a treasured part of her life. let me put it to you this way; if your mother died when you were a child and a lovely person who you love just as much adopted you, would your mum be your "ex mum"? would you want to get rid of everything to do with your mum now that you love your adoptive parent? or would you expect your adoptive parent to let you love both your deceased and them?
it is the same.
you only find it weird because a) you have a childish idea of ashes being "creepy" and b) i suspect you think your brother should feel weird because he's competing with the deseased husband when in reality there is no competition.
grow up.
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yta how dense could you get?
1. you are a guest at her house for the first time.
2. you are not a part of your brother and his gf’s relationship.
3. your brother’s gf did not ask for your opinion on what she should do with her late husband’s ashes nor how she should live any part of her life
4. your brother is old enough to talk to his gf about his feelings about this (if he had any) without your meddling
in short: apologize and start minding your own business
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yta, seriously read the room.....
also why did you feel the need to meddle in your bros relationship, and then double down repeatedly
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[removed]
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yta- the audacity to walk into someone elses house and voice an unwanted opinion. you owe her a very sincere apology, and you need to take space and a moral inventory before setting foot in their house again.
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yta
she's not hypersensitive.
her feelings for her husband didn't vanish because she started dating someone else. she may have plans to be buried or interred with him. maybe she wants to be cremated and have both of their ashes released.
maybe she's still grieving and not ready to let go.
whatever her reasons are, it's not your business to pressure, judge or criticize.
myob
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so this happened last night while me (m23) and my family were visiting my brother's (m30) girlfriend's (f30) house for the first time. we were all sitting at dinner table and i remembered when my brother's girlfriend, who's a widow, saying that she keeps an urn of her late husband's ashes in the house. conversation let from one thing to another then, i looked at my brother and asked him quietly if he was comfortable with having his girlfriend's late husband's urn in the house. he gave me a long stare so i figured the answer was yes but maybe, he couldn't tell his girlfriend about it fearing she'd misunderstand maybe?. so i brought it up with her and told her it was quite weird to have her late husband's urn in the house. she looked at me and was apparently caught off guard by what i said. she said that she didn't think so and that it wasn't like the urn was on display, also said this is her late husband's house and where the urn should be. i told her it felt weird especially, since she just had my brother move in with her and he must be feeling uncomfortable with the idea, his girlfriend looked upset and got quiet. my brother shouted "none of your goddamned business, shut your mouth elijah, jeezus!" i responded with "i mean..personally i wouldn't be cool with my girl keeping an urn of her ex within close approximate, at best best it'd make me feel uncomfortable, at worst it'd make me feel creeped out." his girlfriend then replyed by saying that i have no business dating a widow then and i shrugged. she excused herself to the kitchen and stayed there, my brother went off on me calling me an obnoxios asshole for making dinner awkward and upsetting his girlfriend. i told him i was just giving my opinion but he lashed out more. my parents and i left and they told me my brother's girlfriend was being hypersensitive, but i too went too far and upset my brother and probably sparked an argument between them and i should reach to apologize but i'm not sure. [edit] guys! please, one thing you should know is that i had no intentions of being hurtful. i do not hate my brother's girlfriend, infact, we get along pretty well but i just wanted to add that i had no malicious intent here. i'm not the the type of guys who go out of their way to act maliciously but i feel kind of guilty for how the situation played out. [edit2] my parents are the ones who said she was being hypersensitive, not me. [edit3] yes, i overheard my brother venting about the urn when he first moved in just so you know.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so this happened last night while me (m23) and my family were visiting my brother's (m30) girlfriend's (f30) house for the first time. we were all sitting at dinner table and i remembered when my brother's girlfriend, who's a widow, saying that she keeps an urn of her late husband's ashes in the house. conversation let from one thing to another then, i looked at my brother and asked him quietly if he was comfortable with having his girlfriend's late husband's urn in the house. he gave me a long stare so i figured the answer was yes but maybe, he couldn't tell his girlfriend about it fearing she'd misunderstand maybe?. so i brought it up with her and told her it was quite weird to have her late husband's urn in the house. she looked at me and was apparently caught off guard by what i said. she said that she didn't think so and that it wasn't like the urn was on display, also said this is her late husband's house and where the urn should be. i told her it felt weird especially, since she just had my brother move in with her and he must be feeling uncomfortable with the idea, his girlfriend looked upset and got quiet. my brother shouted "none of your goddamned business, shut your mouth elijah, jeezus!" i responded with "i mean..personally i wouldn't be cool with my girl keeping an urn of her ex within close approximate, at best best it'd make me feel uncomfortable, at worst it'd make me feel creeped out." his girlfriend then replyed by saying that i have no business dating a widow then and i shrugged. she excused herself to the kitchen and stayed there, my brother went off on me calling me an obnoxios asshole for making dinner awkward and upsetting his girlfriend. i told him i was just giving my opinion but he lashed out more. my parents and i left and they told me my brother's girlfriend was being hypersensitive, but i too went too far and upset my brother and probably sparked an argument between them and i should reach to apologize but i'm not sure. [edit] guys! please, one thing you should know is that i had no intentions of being hurtful. i do not hate my brother's girlfriend, infact, we get along pretty well but i just wanted to add that i had no malicious intent here. i'm not the the type of guys who go out of their way to act maliciously but i feel kind of guilty for how the situation played out. [edit2] my parents are the ones who said she was being hypersensitive, not me. [edit3] yes, i overheard my brother venting about the urn when he first moved in just so you know. [/INST] yta. news flash, dude. you are not always entitled to your opinion. this is none of your business whatsoever. think about this whenever you open your mouth to speak... 1. is what you're about to say helpful? 2. is what you're about to say necessary? 3. is what you're about to say kind? if the answer to all or even two of these is "no" then keep your mouth shut. this incident? the answer to all three is a definite "no". edit for clarification. </s>
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AITA for telling my BIL it's cringe to continue saying he's child free whenever I ask him to watch my son?
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my wife (27) and i (27) have a 4 year old son, we've been having an incredibly busy work schedule of the last 2 years and family's been doing a great job helping out with our son.
we usually have members of my inlaws take our son whenever we have a work trip or a shift coming up. from my wife's mom to her sister to her dad except for my 31 year old brother in law (wife's brother). he's made it clear he is just not interested in spending time with his nephew, keeps saying that the reason for that is that he's actually "child free". for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son and he didn't even budge or apologize for his attitude.
it all came to head a couple of days ago, i had a work meeting while my wife was out of town and my inlaws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch my son except for my bil. i showed up to his place and told him i was desperate for help and needed him to just watch my son for 2 hours. he refused, even suggested i take him with me to work but that's not a good suggestion. i begged him and he just said no. i had enough i confronted him and asked why? does he not like his nephew and he threw that "no it's just that i'm child free" excuse which made me lose it. i told him to just stop because it's cringe of him to keep saying that and use it as an excuse to be unsupportive of me and his sister and cold towards his nephew. i told him he should really do better and stop being so negative but he got mad and said i had no right to disrespect his lifestyle/choices but it's the attitude that gets me. we had a exchange of words where he said my son isn't his responsibility whatsoever then i left.
he complained to my inlaws and they "called me out" for disrespecting their son and treating him like that. they insisted that he's not responsible for my son and i shouldn't expect so much from him then guilt him about it. they wanted me to apologize and my wife said i should but he was about as helpful and supportive as a rock so, i decided i will take my time before i consider apologizing.
aita?
| 17,465 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sl6ojr/aita_for_telling_my_bil_its_cringe_to_continue/
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2022-02-05 13:14:31
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yta
for fucks sake, how entitled are you? your. bil has been clear about who he is and what he won’t due, but because that’s not convenient to you, you feel you can disrespect you.
this is a failure of your organization. how can you guys not have a sitter? i am a single dad and never ended up in your situation, because i planned for it.
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yta - family ≠ free childcare.
the entitlement here - because you had a child, your whole family has to look after him, whether they want to or not?! what?
pay for some childcare, damnit.
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yta.
why is everyone raising your child except you and your wife…?
also? no one even needs a reason to not watch your kid. he shouldn’t have even opened the door.
your kid is your. kid.
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[deleted]
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what? just:
- why do you keep having 'emergencies'?
- how are work meetings 'emergencies' and not 'things that you knew about days in advance'?
- why have you not organised actual daily childcare?
- what the hell is wrong with you?
yta. ring around. find a childcare centre. **pay the childcare centre to look after your child while you're at work**.
your poor kid sounds like he has zero routine in his life. i'd expect this sort of chaos from teen parents. yeesh.
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yta
he has made it incredibly clear that he isn't interested in being responsible for your child. i would wager he's saying "that's why i'm child-free" not saying "i won't watch him because i'm child-free", but that's just a guess.
hire a babysitter. he is not obligated to watch your child just because he's family.
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yta.
*'for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son'*. why do you keep asking and expecting a different result?
some people just aren't comfortable with kids, whether they're related or not. he's one of those people. delete him from your list of go-tos.
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yta. stop demanding that he watch your kid when he’s made it clear every time that his answer is no.
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have you ever heard of these wonderful things called "babysitters"? basically they take care of your child in exchange for currency. look them up.
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yta. what if your bil wasn’t around? you’d have to find other arrangements. stop trying to pressure him.
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (27) and i (27) have a 4 year old son, we've been having an incredibly busy work schedule of the last 2 years and family's been doing a great job helping out with our son. we usually have members of my inlaws take our son whenever we have a work trip or a shift coming up. from my wife's mom to her sister to her dad except for my 31 year old brother in law (wife's brother). he's made it clear he is just not interested in spending time with his nephew, keeps saying that the reason for that is that he's actually "child free". for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son and he didn't even budge or apologize for his attitude. it all came to head a couple of days ago, i had a work meeting while my wife was out of town and my inlaws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch my son except for my bil. i showed up to his place and told him i was desperate for help and needed him to just watch my son for 2 hours. he refused, even suggested i take him with me to work but that's not a good suggestion. i begged him and he just said no. i had enough i confronted him and asked why? does he not like his nephew and he threw that "no it's just that i'm child free" excuse which made me lose it. i told him to just stop because it's cringe of him to keep saying that and use it as an excuse to be unsupportive of me and his sister and cold towards his nephew. i told him he should really do better and stop being so negative but he got mad and said i had no right to disrespect his lifestyle/choices but it's the attitude that gets me. we had a exchange of words where he said my son isn't his responsibility whatsoever then i left. he complained to my inlaws and they "called me out" for disrespecting their son and treating him like that. they insisted that he's not responsible for my son and i shouldn't expect so much from him then guilt him about it. they wanted me to apologize and my wife said i should but he was about as helpful and supportive as a rock so, i decided i will take my time before i consider apologizing. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (27) and i (27) have a 4 year old son, we've been having an incredibly busy work schedule of the last 2 years and family's been doing a great job helping out with our son. we usually have members of my inlaws take our son whenever we have a work trip or a shift coming up. from my wife's mom to her sister to her dad except for my 31 year old brother in law (wife's brother). he's made it clear he is just not interested in spending time with his nephew, keeps saying that the reason for that is that he's actually "child free". for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son and he didn't even budge or apologize for his attitude. it all came to head a couple of days ago, i had a work meeting while my wife was out of town and my inlaws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch my son except for my bil. i showed up to his place and told him i was desperate for help and needed him to just watch my son for 2 hours. he refused, even suggested i take him with me to work but that's not a good suggestion. i begged him and he just said no. i had enough i confronted him and asked why? does he not like his nephew and he threw that "no it's just that i'm child free" excuse which made me lose it. i told him to just stop because it's cringe of him to keep saying that and use it as an excuse to be unsupportive of me and his sister and cold towards his nephew. i told him he should really do better and stop being so negative but he got mad and said i had no right to disrespect his lifestyle/choices but it's the attitude that gets me. we had a exchange of words where he said my son isn't his responsibility whatsoever then i left. he complained to my inlaws and they "called me out" for disrespecting their son and treating him like that. they insisted that he's not responsible for my son and i shouldn't expect so much from him then guilt him about it. they wanted me to apologize and my wife said i should but he was about as helpful and supportive as a rock so, i decided i will take my time before i consider apologizing. aita? [/INST] yta for fucks sake, how entitled are you? your. bil has been clear about who he is and what he won’t due, but because that’s not convenient to you, you feel you can disrespect you. this is a failure of your organization. how can you guys not have a sitter? i am a single dad and never ended up in your situation, because i planned for it. </s>
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AITA for keeping a $300000 prize to myself when I originally planned to share it with my boyfriend?
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my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause.
my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself.
well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want.
he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together.
aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself?
edit. i broke up with him
| 29,321 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwf4v6/aita_for_keeping_a_300000_prize_to_myself_when_i/
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2020-07-23 12:54:38
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nta. ew dump his ass. no misunderstanding. he didn’t want to front the $25 to split the ticket and now he is trying to manipulate you.
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nta! i intended to invest in apple in 1976, but i haven't gotten around to it. give me money.
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nta. he didn’t pay for the ticket, so he has no say in it. you’re not married. you offered to split it, he said no. that’s the end of it. sounds like he’s seeing dollar signs and feels angry that you won’t just share. it’s you money and yours to do with as you please.
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nta. i guarantee you if he had paid for the ticket on his own it would be “his car” and not “our car”. but you pay for the ticket with your own money and suddenly it’s “our car”. he even admitted when you offered to split it he didn’t want to share ownership with you.
your car. you get to decide what happens. besides, you’re the one who has to pay taxes on it if you’re in the us. if you can’t afford the tax bill for the car it’s best to sell it.
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wow nta - what a dramatic reveal of a secret ah your boyfriend had.
sure, i let you give me halfsies on 300k after the winnings are safe, for 50$
my god.
just tell him "oh honey, you misunderstand, you told me you didn't want to do halfsies - because it wouldn't be yours! it's mine!"
and yes, dump his ass - he is with you for the wrong reasons
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nta
> he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely.
he's using his own argument against him. you bought the ticket 100%. the car is 100% yours. you can do with it what you please (though another comment mentioned you may have a hard time selling it, which is true. look into the fine print).
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nta- go enjoy the spoils of your new car.
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nta - he didn’t want to share the car but now wants to share the money? nope
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i did this....won a corvette when i was 19 but couldn't afford the sales tax, so took the cash option and did split it....broke up soon after. 10/10 would not recommend
take him on a vaca or buy him some trinkets, don't actually split. if you stay together, that investment will in the end still be helping him out even if his name's not on it.
ah to be young and dumb again....
edit to add definitely nta!!
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nta. you did offer to go halfsies. he didn't take up the offer for the eventuality that he would have to share his winnings incase he won.
now that you've won on your own ticket, the entire prize is yours!
do what is best for yourself, if you plan on staying with him, help him out with a portion of the amount, but if you feel like this is something that is going to cause a rift between you two, leave!
take them moneybags and leave girl!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause. my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself. well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want. he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together. aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself? edit. i broke up with him
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (26f) boyfriend (27m) is really into cars. he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar. it's worth around $300000. you could buy a ticket for $50 to enter and the money went towards a good cause. my bf is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with the ticket. he didn't want to because then the car wouldn't be his completely. i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again. i did however buy a ticket for myself. well, i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car. when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it. he said i can't sell our car without consulting him. i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want. he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but hasn't got around to giving me the money yet. i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together. aita for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself? edit. i broke up with him [/INST] nta. ew dump his ass. no misunderstanding. he didn’t want to front the $25 to split the ticket and now he is trying to manipulate you. </s>
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AITA for asking for the gift receipt to return offensive baby clothes?
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yesterday we had a baby shower. long story short, one of our family friends thought it would be funny to get some baby onesies with offensive things written on them. for example:
* "all daddy wanted was a blow job"
* "i'm with the milf"
* "to-do list: eat, poop, suck some titties"
there were like 2 more but i don't remember what they said. when i opened the gift i was humiliated, i thought it was really inappropriate. before people on here give me shit about not being able to take a joke, i just didn't really think this was the funniest "joke." i was mad about the gift because as i was opening and before i could read what they said, i unfolded the onesie and showed the rest of the party. some people gave let out a small chuckle, some people looked around at each other kinda surprised. anyhow, at the end of the party, i asked the person who gave it to me if i could have the gift receipt to return them. i said i definitely wouldn't put my baby in those clothes. the person basically called me oversensitive and said i needed to take a joke. i handed the gift bag back to them and said "alright, well then you can keep these." they were super offended by that and thought it was an ungrateful gesture. aita?
| 21,324 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dmrko9/aita_for_asking_for_the_gift_receipt_to_return/
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2019-10-25 03:25:22
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nta - dont give people joke presents if you’re not sure how they’ll react. also sexualising a baby like that is kind of weird and definitely not a joke most people would be okay with.
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nta. and ewww. i understand that it’s supposed to be a joke but i agree that it’s not a funny one. way to sexualize an infant.
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nta. i’m 100% for dirty jokes and puns under other circumstances but it’s trashy as fuck to sexualize babies and their clothes and i just do not get it
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nta. i cannot believe someone thought those were appropriate gifts? especially when they knew they would be opened in front of a party of people.
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nta the gift receipt should always be in with the gift, especially if it's something tasteless like this.
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nta. it’s not your “fault” for not finding them funny. it wasn’t wrong for asking for a gift receipt, and it wasn’t wrong to give them back when they denied you a gift receipt.
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nta
i think your friend had some poor judgement in your sense of humor and the crowd.
i have a friend who has this kind of humor. for my son's birthday, she gave us some really nice "normal" gifts. afterwards when family was gone, they presented another part that was more their style. had she given them together during the party, my family would have been reeling.
you did the right thing in asking for the gift receipt and after the response, handing the gift back. you were being honest regardless of it being a gift or not. no sense in wasting clothes.
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esh
those clothes are shockingly offensive.
but asking for the gift receipt is just tacky. chuck them away if you don’t want them.
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[deleted]
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esh, the family friends more. this is in really poor taste, and they shouldn't have done it. baby showers are supposed to be wholesome.
however, i wouldn't have asked for the receipt or even given them back. you do what you do with any gift you don't want. accept it, and then get rid of it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday we had a baby shower. long story short, one of our family friends thought it would be funny to get some baby onesies with offensive things written on them. for example: * "all daddy wanted was a blow job" * "i'm with the milf" * "to-do list: eat, poop, suck some titties" there were like 2 more but i don't remember what they said. when i opened the gift i was humiliated, i thought it was really inappropriate. before people on here give me shit about not being able to take a joke, i just didn't really think this was the funniest "joke." i was mad about the gift because as i was opening and before i could read what they said, i unfolded the onesie and showed the rest of the party. some people gave let out a small chuckle, some people looked around at each other kinda surprised. anyhow, at the end of the party, i asked the person who gave it to me if i could have the gift receipt to return them. i said i definitely wouldn't put my baby in those clothes. the person basically called me oversensitive and said i needed to take a joke. i handed the gift bag back to them and said "alright, well then you can keep these." they were super offended by that and thought it was an ungrateful gesture. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday we had a baby shower. long story short, one of our family friends thought it would be funny to get some baby onesies with offensive things written on them. for example: * "all daddy wanted was a blow job" * "i'm with the milf" * "to-do list: eat, poop, suck some titties" there were like 2 more but i don't remember what they said. when i opened the gift i was humiliated, i thought it was really inappropriate. before people on here give me shit about not being able to take a joke, i just didn't really think this was the funniest "joke." i was mad about the gift because as i was opening and before i could read what they said, i unfolded the onesie and showed the rest of the party. some people gave let out a small chuckle, some people looked around at each other kinda surprised. anyhow, at the end of the party, i asked the person who gave it to me if i could have the gift receipt to return them. i said i definitely wouldn't put my baby in those clothes. the person basically called me oversensitive and said i needed to take a joke. i handed the gift bag back to them and said "alright, well then you can keep these." they were super offended by that and thought it was an ungrateful gesture. aita? [/INST] nta - dont give people joke presents if you’re not sure how they’ll react. also sexualising a baby like that is kind of weird and definitely not a joke most people would be okay with. </s>
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AITA for forcing my friends to pay for my ruined wedding dress?
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throwaway. this incident happened a few years ago but i was recently reminded of it and i want to take reddit's judgment.
so a few years ago me and n (my then fiance) got engaged. we are both gay and female so it was a lesbian marriage. we had tons of fun planning the wedding and especially choosing the wedding dresses. n chose a beautiful dress in white and i chose a gorgeous dress in sky blue.
me and n have a mutual friend who i will call s. when we told s about our engagement he seemed weird but i just shrugged it off.
fast forward to the day of the wedding. i wake up and i find out both me and n's dresses are missing. we both immediately start to look. i text s to ask if he had seen our dresses. here is basically how our conversation went:
*me: have you seen me and n's wedding dresses?*
*s: gay people should not get married.*
i press a little further and s admits that he along with m (n's little sister) stole and destroyed our dresses.
*me: i am sending you a bill for $5,000 (the cost of both of our wedding dresses combined) so we can buy them again. if you and m don't pay that then i and n am taking you both to court.*
me and n both started crying then because we didn't know what to do. we then decide to wear another fancy dress we have though the whole day was basically ruined.
after the wedding s and m surprisingly pay us and me and n go no contact with them.
after we went no contact another mutual friend of ours said we should not have forced s and m to pay because it was not like we were going to get our wedding dresses back. well the thing is me and n wanted to buy our wedding dresses again as a keepsake because they were really pretty. n's dress had flowers on it and mine had glitter and little white clouds on the skirt. we took the money and bought our dresses again and tried to move on. but i am still conflicted on whether or not we should have asked for $5,000. aita? i am not look for judgement on cutting my friends off but on forcing them to pay $5,000.
| 19,386 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwgyxx/aita_for_forcing_my_friends_to_pay_for_my_ruined/
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2020-09-20 16:27:47
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nta
i don't understand your mutual friend at all. should m and s have decided to steal your jewelry worth €5.000 there would have been no discussion whatsoever about the reimbursement. they stole your stuff, they have to return it or pay you an equivalent value....
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nta. they stole and destroyed your property. it doesn't matter whether the money will be able to buy the exact same thing again or whether you'd use it again. you're entitled to be made whole.
they're lucky you didn't go to the police for theft and mischief.
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nta. matter of fact, they should be thankful you did press criminal charges. once they admitted they destroyed the dress because you are gay, it became a hate crime.
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tell your other mutual friend that they are a moron. you were out 5 grand for dresses those two homophobic clowns destroyed. you paid a lot for something that they made sure you couldn't use. of course you get the money back from them. just like you'd get the money back from someone who absconded with your car and wrecked it on a tree. the fact that you're not "going to get your car back" has no bearing.
nta
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[removed]
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[removed]
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whenever i read these stories that say 'i have a mutual friend who agrees with this entirely unreasonable asshole behavior' i always assume that op knows they aren't really the asshole so they throw that in there to create fake doubt into the scenario to try to make it seem like a legit question. either that or there are *a lot* of people out there with really shitty and dumb friends.
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nta. what he did was disgusting and absolutely unacceptable behavior. not to mention extremely childish and immature. if he had a problem with you and your fiancee’s nuptials, he could have (and frankly should have) spoken to you...like a big boy. using his words. i’m so sorry you two went through that, and had your dresses ruined...
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yta for this shit story
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i’m 100% sure this isn’t real.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
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YTA
| null | 0.082817 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. this incident happened a few years ago but i was recently reminded of it and i want to take reddit's judgment. so a few years ago me and n (my then fiance) got engaged. we are both gay and female so it was a lesbian marriage. we had tons of fun planning the wedding and especially choosing the wedding dresses. n chose a beautiful dress in white and i chose a gorgeous dress in sky blue. me and n have a mutual friend who i will call s. when we told s about our engagement he seemed weird but i just shrugged it off. fast forward to the day of the wedding. i wake up and i find out both me and n's dresses are missing. we both immediately start to look. i text s to ask if he had seen our dresses. here is basically how our conversation went: *me: have you seen me and n's wedding dresses?* *s: gay people should not get married.* i press a little further and s admits that he along with m (n's little sister) stole and destroyed our dresses. *me: i am sending you a bill for $5,000 (the cost of both of our wedding dresses combined) so we can buy them again. if you and m don't pay that then i and n am taking you both to court.* me and n both started crying then because we didn't know what to do. we then decide to wear another fancy dress we have though the whole day was basically ruined. after the wedding s and m surprisingly pay us and me and n go no contact with them. after we went no contact another mutual friend of ours said we should not have forced s and m to pay because it was not like we were going to get our wedding dresses back. well the thing is me and n wanted to buy our wedding dresses again as a keepsake because they were really pretty. n's dress had flowers on it and mine had glitter and little white clouds on the skirt. we took the money and bought our dresses again and tried to move on. but i am still conflicted on whether or not we should have asked for $5,000. aita? i am not look for judgement on cutting my friends off but on forcing them to pay $5,000.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. this incident happened a few years ago but i was recently reminded of it and i want to take reddit's judgment. so a few years ago me and n (my then fiance) got engaged. we are both gay and female so it was a lesbian marriage. we had tons of fun planning the wedding and especially choosing the wedding dresses. n chose a beautiful dress in white and i chose a gorgeous dress in sky blue. me and n have a mutual friend who i will call s. when we told s about our engagement he seemed weird but i just shrugged it off. fast forward to the day of the wedding. i wake up and i find out both me and n's dresses are missing. we both immediately start to look. i text s to ask if he had seen our dresses. here is basically how our conversation went: *me: have you seen me and n's wedding dresses?* *s: gay people should not get married.* i press a little further and s admits that he along with m (n's little sister) stole and destroyed our dresses. *me: i am sending you a bill for $5,000 (the cost of both of our wedding dresses combined) so we can buy them again. if you and m don't pay that then i and n am taking you both to court.* me and n both started crying then because we didn't know what to do. we then decide to wear another fancy dress we have though the whole day was basically ruined. after the wedding s and m surprisingly pay us and me and n go no contact with them. after we went no contact another mutual friend of ours said we should not have forced s and m to pay because it was not like we were going to get our wedding dresses back. well the thing is me and n wanted to buy our wedding dresses again as a keepsake because they were really pretty. n's dress had flowers on it and mine had glitter and little white clouds on the skirt. we took the money and bought our dresses again and tried to move on. but i am still conflicted on whether or not we should have asked for $5,000. aita? i am not look for judgement on cutting my friends off but on forcing them to pay $5,000. [/INST] nta i don't understand your mutual friend at all. should m and s have decided to steal your jewelry worth €5.000 there would have been no discussion whatsoever about the reimbursement. they stole your stuff, they have to return it or pay you an equivalent value.... </s>
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AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage
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i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar
here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and
after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week.
on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend.
i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids)
here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar
my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage
maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know
edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is
treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way
| 40,152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0p2ui/aita_for_making_a_scene_of_my_adult_son_and/
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2021-08-08 23:03:34
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nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse.
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nta
your son sounds like an asshole. he convinced her to become a stay at home mom so he could avoid being a dad?
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nta.
good on you for sticking up for your dil. your son needs a serious reality check. 3 babies and all the chores?? he’s nuts!!
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no you're nta, but you're spot on in your assessment of your narcissistic, chauvinistic son. let him have his tantrum. he's treated his wife badly, and he has no remorse. someone needed to stand up for your dil and grandkids. kudos to you.
your poor dil. thank goodness she has you.
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nta. your son had the audacity to cancel a spa trip you paid for so he could go get drunk with his friends. how dare he.
any good mum tells their kids off when disrespecting their partner, especially when they are a lazy do-nothing. you dil is doing everything for that family, and she definitely didn't deserve the humiliation of her husband dictating she can't go out because he wants to.
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normally, i think a mil interfering with a marriage is a ah move. however, this is a different dynamic. you were standing up for your dil. now, you may be the ah for whatever got you banned from the bar but not for standing up for your dil
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i mean, i guess we need to know exactly what was said but i’m pretty sure nta.
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nta! i don’t know if this is real or not but i absolutely love it. son definitely deserved to be embarrassed and called out for treating his wife so poorly. he probably picked this behavior up from his friends. good for you for standing up for your dil. also i love your arrangement with your husband about date nights and split responsibilities, i might have to borrow this for myself
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nta and, as a former dil, i want to say thank you for this. my mil was horrible (her son was an alcoholic and abused me emotionally, sexually and physically, and when i called her begging for help, she told me that as his wife he was my responsibility). there are so many stories out there of toxic mil sometimes i imagine there aren’t any good ones out there. but rn, you’re a good one.
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nta - you've mentioned that she's moving in with her parents for a while to think about this, so do check in on her and continue to be supportive.
let her know that you are here for her and that you will be supportive of whatever decision she makes.
you did the right thing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 60 and bad with the whole text thing on mobiles so i’m hoping i won’t be judged on my grammar here’s the important background my daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months . he convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had and how happy my marriage was without telling her (which i today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and after 5pm was split 50/50, sunday was my day off and i was brought out twice a week. on to the story- on my last visit i noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so i,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend. i was preparing on thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up. i pressed her a little and i’m talking a little about her situation , she came clean about him doing no chores,no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” i was honestly disgusted. i convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa i even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. when she dropped me off the kids i begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar. she left for the spa while i left for the bar (she knew i was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids) here’s were i might be the asshole i when to the bar were he and his friends were, i sat down next to the group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short i humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar my dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an asshole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage maybe i should have stayed out i don’t know edit i just wanted to say i’m heartbroken not by any judgement towards me or my parenting skills but the fact a lot of people are shocked i’m care about my daughter in laws mental health and stood up for her against my sons bad behaviour i just want to say as a mother my advice is treat your daughter/son/non-binary in laws how you’d want your children to treated. respect goes along way [/INST] nta. it sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. it's not like you are a stranger - you are his mother. also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse. </s>
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AITA for intentionally posting the wrong test answers on a cheating website?
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backstory:
i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b)
side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams.
here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online.
exam day:
i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up.
once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right).
present day:
i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a.
i had the fourth-highest score on the exam.
most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students.
i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future.
| 23,019 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dyi6m8/aita_for_intentionally_posting_the_wrong_test/
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2019-11-19 09:29:07
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nta i think it is hilarious that people are stupid enough to get the answers online and trust it to be correct.
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nta but you should have reported this to the professor or the dean so they could fix all the grades and implement stronger anti-cheat measures. by making them all fail, you artificially inflated your own grade as well.
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esh. you're an asshole for not telling your professor and the school about this.
"but i don't want to get people into trouble," you might say. you're okay with making them fail, but you don't want to actually fix the problem? the people doing this are in the wrong, and are not being academically honest. this is a lot of ramifications, for good reason. tell someone. tell someone.
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esh, mainly because you didn't bother to tell the teachers and the school about this site. despite your complaints that the cheaters are screwing you over, you didn't plan to address the issue in a meaningful way, instead deciding to make them fail.
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esh. idk how to feel about this. it seems like you really just want to hurt your classmates intentionally for cheating. that’s not your job, and thats why you suck, for policing their behavior instead of reporting it to the school and letting the school deal out the punishments.
obviously they suck for cheating, and your professor sucks for not being more attentive during tests. how the fuck is the whole class on their phones and he’s unaware? why are there no tas to walk around the room if he’s incapable of doing so.
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yta you’ve not fixed the problem for any of your honest classmates and inflated your own grade in the process. you should have told the teacher and school about the cheating
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yta
don't work harder, work smarter. exploit the system for yourself and don't give a damn about what the others are doing.
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yta
really? this comment section is hilarious.
hate to break it to ya, but people cheat—on their work reports, on their spouses, and, in this case, their tests.
“oh but cheating is wrong!” yes, it is. but who in their life hasn’t cheated on at least one piece of homework? one test? oh, you? well congratulations, you have higher morals than about 99% of the world’s population.
a lot of kids in college are just trying to get by, man. tests suck, not everyone is good at them, and yes, some people just don’t care. but actively going out of your way to screw a bunch of others over just because you worked harder for less results? petty revenge at most.
yes, cheating is bad, and it sucks when someone who cheats gets better rewarded than you whilst you did the same work honestly—but this is not your place to decide their fate.
i’d still call you ta if you reported them to your teacher as well, but at least then you would be closer to solving the problem.
let the cheaters cheat—in the long run, your morals and honesty will reward you in areas where they really matter.
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esh they suck for obvious reasons and your solution should have been to tell the professor or the dean of the dept about it.
your actual solution is pretty hilarious though and effective.
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yta if some used the website as a study guide and weren't using their phones in class
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b) side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams. here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online. exam day: i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up. once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right). present day: i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a. i had the fourth-highest score on the exam. most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students. i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: i failed my first 400-level physical chemistry test 2 months ago. i barely passed my second one last month.i noticed i scored significantly below class average on both and the curve wasn’t quite what i expected it to be. (that’s ok, labs + hw keep my grade at a high b) side note: the class is about 60 people. unbeknownst to me, it fills up quickly every semester because people think the professor is ‘easy’. i didn’t know this. the class just fit my schedule and i certainly didn’t think it was ‘easy’ after those 2 exams. here’s the catch: our professor is old and i noticed during exams that many people were suspiciously using their phones. i heard rumors that someone had posted the test questions to a relatively well-known site (it will remain unnamed) and some students had used that to score a’s and b’s. (we can’t really use the site for homework help because of our homework structure, but a lot of us use it for test review & test prep, which is extremely helpful). our tests are long -we get 2 and a half hours for each test- which gives these students plenty of time to post the questions and receive the answers online. exam day: i was extremely irritated when i heard this. this rage really fueled me and i over-prepared for test 3. i studied like crazy for it because i felt like these cheating students were robbing me of points from a regular curve. i was able to finish the test in about 45 mins of the given time. i didn’t know everything, but i felt pretty great about what i turned in. i was the second student done with the exam and felt pretty good as i wrapped it up. once i finished and began walking out, i looked around and saw a ton of people cheating. i was so angry and so distraught, that i used my free time after the test to go on the site and see if my peers had posted the test questions. of course they had. i had memorized all of the questions (there was only 6) and found 4 of the questions had been posted online. i answered all of them incorrectly, though i made the process look somewhat legitimate. i realized that if i answered those questions first, the real site tutors wouldn’t answer them in the given time (i was right). present day: i scored a high b, and the curve put my grade at an a. i had the fourth-highest score on the exam. most students failed, even though i found this test to be much easier and much more manageable than the previous two. i looked at the tests of my peers as we compared results. we always compare the partial-credit points to make sure our grades are fair. i saw that a lot of them (i’d estimate about 13-15 students based on what i saw ) used the ”fake” methods i had used on those incorrect answers. more students failed this test than the second test, and it was pretty evident that i’d screwed some of the cheating students. i honestly can’t say i feel bad about what i did. i worked hard, and their lazy efforts directly impacted my gpa and my future. [/INST] nta i think it is hilarious that people are stupid enough to get the answers online and trust it to be correct. </s>
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AITA for forcing my tomboy daughter to wear formal clothing?
|
hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate.
however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks.
but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears.
she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita?
| 28,050 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/il24rf/aita_for_forcing_my_tomboy_daughter_to_wear/
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2020-09-02 07:09:31
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nta. you even gave her the choice of what type of formal wear to wear. it's extremely disrespectful to show up to a wedding in a tshirt
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nta this is a perfect way of handling it. tshirt and slacks are not appropriate for a formal wedding and you gave her the choice between male and female clothing.
this is not about her being a tomboy (because you gave her the male options too) but about her being a teenager and not realizing that formal events require formal attire and she needs to suck it up (like everyone else).
teenagers sometimes will be mad at you when you set good rules, i think that's just a normal part of the teenager-parent interaction. i even think teenagers need to be angry at their parents sometimes because they're in a rebellious phase of trying out where their anger leads to something and where they need to let go of an idea. if a teenager wouldn't ever be angry they wouldn't be a healthy teenager.
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nta.
i was ready to rip into this at first, but i think it sounds like you’re trying to compromise with a nice suit for her. i applaud your adapting!
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nta, and honestly i admire your willingness to get her the formal attire of her choice. it’s important to learn that when you’re in certain circumstances (somebody’s guest, a job interview...) you need to present yourself in a way respectful of the environment. i know people who would take it as a direct insult if i wore a t-shirt to their wedding. the only way that’s “expressing” oneself is expressing your lack of regard for your host.
maybe you can explain to your daughter that expressing yourself with clothing isn’t just expressing your own personality, but also expressing how you regard your environment. if she looks up to your niece, she shouldn’t want to express to your niece that she doesn’t care about or value this wedding, even if it’s more aligned with her personality. even if she personally wouldn’t care what people wear at her own wedding, it’s important to consider the perspectives of those hosting her.
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you're actually being *awesome*. i kind of wish you'd been my mum. 100% nta.
not many parents out there will let their daughter wear a suit to a wedding. you're being beyond what would usually be seen as reasonable and i applaud you for it.
your daughter is going to look fantastic in her very own style of formal wear.
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honestly, i was so ready to label you ta before reading. you're so nta and are a great parent for offering alternatives to the dress (the opposite of hindering expression!!).
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nta. she is going to be embarrassed if everyone else is dressed up and she shows up in a t-shirt. most weddings typically have a dress code and it’s disrespectful not to follow them. you gave her plenty of options including getting her own tailored suit - that’s not constricting her expression, if anything it’s expanding it.
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nta. she's being unreasonable. i was a tomboy growing up, and the issue i had was specifically with wearing dresses. and how i hated the frilly socks that itched like hell!. if i had been given any other option, i would have taken it. but i still wore the dresses when i had to.
you are not forcing her to wear a dress.
wanting to wear a t-shirt to a wedding is disrespectful towards everyone if the wedding is specifically formal. if it was me, i'd let her wear whatever she wanted and let her see how they turned her away at the door. or whispered behind her back.
but i am aware you can't do that.
try making her call the cousin beforehand to explain why she will be going in shorts and a t-shirt and see what she says. damn, that's bad advice too.
nevermind, i have no good advice to give you. just know that you are definitely not the asshole.
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nta. cheers to you. far from
>constricting her expression
you are encouraging her to express herself in a manner that befits the occasion. that's great parenting - rather than authoritarianism, showing understanding and flexibility.
she's a teenager, so to some extent she's going to whine about not getting her way. she must learn that she can be unique but formal at the same time.
if daughter ends up reading this: my cousin was the exact same way. refused to wear dresses. but she dressed sharply and appropriately. you have to match the occasion. it's just the polite thing to do. no one is asking you to wear hosiery and stilettos!
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nta. i can sympathize with her but she has to realize the world doesn't revolve around her. just imagine how would the bride feel looking at a wedding group photo, everybody slick af and one person in shirt and jeans.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate. however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks. but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears. she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all. my family is indian-american, but i like to think i am pretty progressive. i (40f) have a son (16m) and a daughter (15f). my daughter has started to become a tomboy over the last 2 years, despises feminine clothing and style. while it has definitely been an adjustment in my perception, i have always tried to be as supportive as possible, and have let her pick her own clothings, only eliminating anything that was graphic or inappropriate. however, my niece was getting married in a traditional, big indian wedding. while generally all the girls would be wearing formal lehangas (indian traditional dresses), i dropped it after asking my daughter if she wanted to wear that and she said no (only mentioned it once because she really looks up to my niece and i did not want her to feel left out). when i asked her what she wanted to wear, she said that should wear a t-shirt and slacks. but, i insisted that she wear a formal clothing of her choice, whether it was a suit, a dress or traditional indian clothing. this was black tie event. i was making my son wear a formal suit. everyone was going to be dressed to the nines. i was going to get my son a new suit tailored for the event, and i insisted that she come with and pick a fabric and suit style as well. it could be to her desire (as long as it was appropriate); like a very typical men's suit or feminine twist like what zendaya wears. she got angry and said i was constricting her expression. i think she will have to wear formal clothing in other points in her life, whether for work or other formal events. she can express herself however she wants but dressing appropriately for the occasion is a necessary skill. the wedding has been postponed for now, but i still want her to wear a formal outfit and she is still mad at me about this. aita? [/INST] nta. you even gave her the choice of what type of formal wear to wear. it's extremely disrespectful to show up to a wedding in a tshirt </s>
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AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
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i \[49f\] have 3 children, \[22f\], \[19m\], and \[18f\]. my oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest i became a mother to at the age of 2 when i married her widowed father. she has only ever called me mom, and i officially adopted her at the age of 12.
now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when i was only 20 and in college, i worked at a children's museum. i adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. i had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. i found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so i bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. i had no idea at the time how many kids i would have, but i knew i wasn't planning on having more than 3, so i didn't get any more.
my first daughter received the stuffed animal i selected for her while pregnant. then, between her birth and the birth of my son, i miscarried. the experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as i miscarried in my second trimester, and i buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. i kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold. finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals i had set aside so many years ago. now, here's where i may be the asshole. for both my daughter and son's high school graduations, i surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them. my youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along i had no duplicate to gift her. i watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. she didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. i followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead. according to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. in hindsight i could have easily done something similar for her whenever i first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but i just didn't think of it. she has been cold to me this entire last week, and i feel so terrible, i've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. aita?
| 4,427 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vhk7jy/aita_for_not_giving_my_adopted_daughter_a_stuffed/
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2022-06-21 18:37:14
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yta. nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. i’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
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yta your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
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yta: it been a week and you still just didn't buy her a damn stuffed animal
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yta. even if you hadn't given her a stuffed animal as a small child, you still could have given her one for graduation.
you can still fix this by finding a similar stuffed animal and giving it to her at a key time (maybe there's a birthday soon or maybe when you drop her off at her college dorm?) make sure you include a lovely note and/or a heartfelt apology including how much you love her and that she will always be your daughter.
if there are other key events (weddings, first babies, home purchases, etc) make sure that you have plans to treat all three of your children relatively equally.
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yta and sadly the impact of your actions has already had it’s impact. to those who suggested to give her a stuffed animal now is nice but in truth, the moment has passed. i hope she forgives you but will never be like it never happened
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yep yta, you fucked up pretty majorly here. as soon as you adopted her you had a duty to treat her the same and you failed that horribly. i don't think you meant any ill intent here, but the damage is done regardless. i'm sure your daughter deals with a lot of feelings about being different than her other siblings and this just compounded that.
good luck trying to rebuild the relationship, you're gonna need it.
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yta.
you could’ve bought her a stuffed animal from the store. but instead you left her out and made her feel that she’s not part of the family.
there isn’t a stuffed animal shortage.
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yta. you know you are. as a child of adoption i feel so horrible for her. we struggle even when we have a wonderful childhood, what a slap in the face. my heart just ached reading this.
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yta and i feel so sad for the adopted daughter
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so you could have gotten a stuffed animal for her but you just didn’t think about it? you were so meticulous in setting this whole stuffed animal traditional up you over looking your adopted daughter is really hard to swallow
yta by all means
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i \[49f\] have 3 children, \[22f\], \[19m\], and \[18f\]. my oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest i became a mother to at the age of 2 when i married her widowed father. she has only ever called me mom, and i officially adopted her at the age of 12. now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when i was only 20 and in college, i worked at a children's museum. i adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. i had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. i found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so i bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. i had no idea at the time how many kids i would have, but i knew i wasn't planning on having more than 3, so i didn't get any more. my first daughter received the stuffed animal i selected for her while pregnant. then, between her birth and the birth of my son, i miscarried. the experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as i miscarried in my second trimester, and i buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. i kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold. finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals i had set aside so many years ago. now, here's where i may be the asshole. for both my daughter and son's high school graduations, i surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them. my youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along i had no duplicate to gift her. i watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. she didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. i followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead. according to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. in hindsight i could have easily done something similar for her whenever i first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but i just didn't think of it. she has been cold to me this entire last week, and i feel so terrible, i've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i \[49f\] have 3 children, \[22f\], \[19m\], and \[18f\]. my oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest i became a mother to at the age of 2 when i married her widowed father. she has only ever called me mom, and i officially adopted her at the age of 12. now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when i was only 20 and in college, i worked at a children's museum. i adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. i had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. i found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so i bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. i had no idea at the time how many kids i would have, but i knew i wasn't planning on having more than 3, so i didn't get any more. my first daughter received the stuffed animal i selected for her while pregnant. then, between her birth and the birth of my son, i miscarried. the experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as i miscarried in my second trimester, and i buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. i kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold. finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals i had set aside so many years ago. now, here's where i may be the asshole. for both my daughter and son's high school graduations, i surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them. my youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along i had no duplicate to gift her. i watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. she didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. i followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead. according to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. in hindsight i could have easily done something similar for her whenever i first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but i just didn't think of it. she has been cold to me this entire last week, and i feel so terrible, i've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. aita? [/INST] yta. nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. i’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her. </s>
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AITA cause I left yesterday to go eat by my moms house when my wife cooked something
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i am fasting for ramadan, my wife is not muslim and we got married end of last year. she does not cook well... at all. she puts in effort though and has always wanted to become a good cook. some stuff she can make well like desserts but when it comes to food she's not good.
yesterday she cooked something and when it was time to break my fast i thought it was bad. she made this pasta and chicken and i just didn't like the way it tasted.
my mom lives near us and cooks everyday so i told her i'm probably just going to go to my moms to eat, and she can come too if she wants. she said no, and i didn't understand she was mad until after i came home and she wouldn't talk to me.
now i found out that she was mad that i left yesterday to eat, and said she'll never cook anything for me again because i am ungrateful.
| 3,390 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gl5srr/aita_cause_i_left_yesterday_to_go_eat_by_my_moms/
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2020-05-17 00:35:09
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yta and as a fellow muslim, i'm sure you know the word rahma (mercy). try have some of that on your wife, btw is something stopping you cooking or you are just fitting the stereotype?
i wouldn't cook anything for you again either because you were ungrateful. also going to your mother in these times makes you double ta.
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ouch. if your wife doesn't cook in a way you approve, why can't you cook something for both of you rather than setting her up for constant failure and then rubbing it in by leaving to get your mommy to make you food? yta.
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yta. you are married now, so act like it. if you are the better cook, you can always do it and she can clean up, and/or you could show her some tricks. if you are both terrible, then you both need to develop the life skill together. you come off very entitled and immature.
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yta. i understand not wanting to eat food you don't like, but to so blatantly say "i don't like what you make so i'm going to eat someone else's food" is suuuuuuuuper messed up. maybe go to some couple cooking classes or something?
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**yta. cooking, like all other things, is a learned skill.**
your mom did not come waltzing into her own marriage being a veteran cook. it took her years to get as good as she is, like it will take your wife years to as well.
but you letting your poor wife go to the trouble to make you a meal just to basically spit in her face by saying "i like my mommy's food better." and then just getting up and leaving.... dude. how can you even wonder if you're the asshole or not??
*apologize to your wife and be grateful.* and if you'd like her to improve then encourage her to improve. take her to a cooking class as a couple thing. don't just be a dick and then turn tail and run to your mom's place. or cook your own food jfc.
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yknow the purpose of ramadan is to feel the pain of starving people, and to be grateful for the food you have on your table
she is your wife not a restaurant where you leave if you dont like the food! not only you disrespected her efforts, you also hurt her feelings
cook your own food next time, maybe then you’ll appreciate the effort extended to you
yta
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yta, she tried hard to make a nice meal. if you don't like her cooking why don't you cook? or why don't both of you take a couple of cooking classes together?
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yta. you don't necessarily have to grin and bear it, but having other cooking compared so directly to your mother's probably sucked and was an insult when she was trying to do something nice for you. it sounds like that's also something she's got some insecurity about, and frankly, i wouldn't try for you either if that were your response.
for the future, discuss non-hurtful ways that you can help her improve her cooking, like describing what parts you liked more or less so she knows for next time, or cook together.
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info if you know she is a bad cook why aren't you cooking? or why dont you find some other food source like you mother before she makes the meal.
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yta and you’re probably a non-white muslim. one that was babied by his mother and wasn’t even taught to fry an egg. you don’t like the way your wife cooks? why dont you learn? why don’t you take classes together or watch some videos online? i don’t even want to hear “oh i’m fasting i’m tired” when your mother is fasting and cooking a whole ass meal. i’m going to offend lots of people by saying this but this is why i didn’t marry within my arab race. most men are entitled and selfish and way too dependent.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am fasting for ramadan, my wife is not muslim and we got married end of last year. she does not cook well... at all. she puts in effort though and has always wanted to become a good cook. some stuff she can make well like desserts but when it comes to food she's not good. yesterday she cooked something and when it was time to break my fast i thought it was bad. she made this pasta and chicken and i just didn't like the way it tasted. my mom lives near us and cooks everyday so i told her i'm probably just going to go to my moms to eat, and she can come too if she wants. she said no, and i didn't understand she was mad until after i came home and she wouldn't talk to me. now i found out that she was mad that i left yesterday to eat, and said she'll never cook anything for me again because i am ungrateful.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am fasting for ramadan, my wife is not muslim and we got married end of last year. she does not cook well... at all. she puts in effort though and has always wanted to become a good cook. some stuff she can make well like desserts but when it comes to food she's not good. yesterday she cooked something and when it was time to break my fast i thought it was bad. she made this pasta and chicken and i just didn't like the way it tasted. my mom lives near us and cooks everyday so i told her i'm probably just going to go to my moms to eat, and she can come too if she wants. she said no, and i didn't understand she was mad until after i came home and she wouldn't talk to me. now i found out that she was mad that i left yesterday to eat, and said she'll never cook anything for me again because i am ungrateful. [/INST] yta and as a fellow muslim, i'm sure you know the word rahma (mercy). try have some of that on your wife, btw is something stopping you cooking or you are just fitting the stereotype? i wouldn't cook anything for you again either because you were ungrateful. also going to your mother in these times makes you double ta. </s>
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AITA for climbing in the window of my dad's house? He changed the locks to keep my mom (divorced) out but I was supposed to be at his house for the weekend.
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my parents are divorced, and because of the custody agreement i am supposed to be at my dad's for every other week. my mom dropped me off outside his house and i went to the door and the key didn't work. i banged on the door and rang the doorbell and nobody came to the door, the house seemed empty. my phone had died and my mom had left because she was dropping me off in her rush to work.
the locks on the doors were new but it was hot as hell out and my dad was supposed to have custody so i thought it would be fine to come in the window. like i was supposed to be there.
i climbed in the bathroom window that he always leaves open, i slid the screen up carefully and came in without breaking anything. this is my childhood home, i've climbed in that window plenty of times, hell when i was little and playing outside i'd come through the window as a fun shortcut to use the bathroom.
i went towards my bedroom and there was some random lady in the hallway who freaked out, she was scared by me being there and i was like "i live here, i'm mitch's daughter, who the hell are you" and she left the house without saying. i went around the house and my dad was not there.
(
| 21,320 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hth6d7/aita_for_climbing_in_the_window_of_my_dads_house/
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2020-07-18 14:08:35
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nta - like you said, wtf were you supposed to do, sit out side for god knows how long. shes kind of the ah for not answering the door / investigating (but i do understand, not her house)
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nta- you're at no fault here. it's your house too technically. can't believe he cares more about his "lady friend" getting scared than his daughter sitting alone outside in the heat
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nta. i wonder if the lady friend knew that you even existed?
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your nta but your dad is. the fact he was more concerned about his "friend" then about you stuck outside says a lot.
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nta. i'm a stepmom, and taking care of the kids always comes first. your dad and his girlfriend are overreacting.
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nta why exactly was she scared of some kid? and if she was so "scared" why didn't she call 911? me thinks the real reason he is mad isn't because his "lady friend" was scared.
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honey, nta but your parents are! the adults in your life are letting you down. i’m sorry.
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nta.
you handled this with far more maturity than your father. he is embarrassed and angry because he messed up big time. your dad is totally ta in this.
your mother should have also waited until you entered the house before she drove off.
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>there was some random lady in the hallway who freaked out, she was scared by me being there
didn't anybody tell her?
**nta**
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nta - heat is deadlier than a lot of people realize. in survival situations, we usually look for shelter before we look for food and water. and why didn't she just answer the door like a normal person? if you (dad) trusts her enough to leave her at home alone, then she should have answered the door. and more like you were scared there was a random in your dad's house.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents are divorced, and because of the custody agreement i am supposed to be at my dad's for every other week. my mom dropped me off outside his house and i went to the door and the key didn't work. i banged on the door and rang the doorbell and nobody came to the door, the house seemed empty. my phone had died and my mom had left because she was dropping me off in her rush to work. the locks on the doors were new but it was hot as hell out and my dad was supposed to have custody so i thought it would be fine to come in the window. like i was supposed to be there. i climbed in the bathroom window that he always leaves open, i slid the screen up carefully and came in without breaking anything. this is my childhood home, i've climbed in that window plenty of times, hell when i was little and playing outside i'd come through the window as a fun shortcut to use the bathroom. i went towards my bedroom and there was some random lady in the hallway who freaked out, she was scared by me being there and i was like "i live here, i'm mitch's daughter, who the hell are you" and she left the house without saying. i went around the house and my dad was not there. (
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents are divorced, and because of the custody agreement i am supposed to be at my dad's for every other week. my mom dropped me off outside his house and i went to the door and the key didn't work. i banged on the door and rang the doorbell and nobody came to the door, the house seemed empty. my phone had died and my mom had left because she was dropping me off in her rush to work. the locks on the doors were new but it was hot as hell out and my dad was supposed to have custody so i thought it would be fine to come in the window. like i was supposed to be there. i climbed in the bathroom window that he always leaves open, i slid the screen up carefully and came in without breaking anything. this is my childhood home, i've climbed in that window plenty of times, hell when i was little and playing outside i'd come through the window as a fun shortcut to use the bathroom. i went towards my bedroom and there was some random lady in the hallway who freaked out, she was scared by me being there and i was like "i live here, i'm mitch's daughter, who the hell are you" and she left the house without saying. i went around the house and my dad was not there. ( [/INST] nta - like you said, wtf were you supposed to do, sit out side for god knows how long. shes kind of the ah for not answering the door / investigating (but i do understand, not her house) </s>
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AITA for wanting to take my daughter fishing?
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for over a decade, myself and my four best friends have had an annual fishing trip. there has always been a "no wives, no girlfriends rule" since the beginning, and no one has ever violated it.
two years ago, my friend "tim" told the group he wanted to bring his five year old son, to sort of pass the tradition on to the next generation. at that point, only tim and i had kids, but my daughter was three and two young for fishing. we all supported tim's idea and made a big deal over the little guy. he had a great time and came last year as well.
my other friend, "randy" has a four month old son now. when the baby was born, tim gave randy a children's fishing pole to give to his son on his fifth birthday. so it seemed clear to me that the tradition had evolved to us + our kids, which i'm cool with.
i mentioned to my friends the other day that my daughter was excited for this year's fishing trip and they looked at me like i was crazy. tim said i shouldn't bring her, and i was baffled. i was super supportive of him bringing his son. this is no different. my daughter is now the age tim's son was when he first came on the trip.
another friend brought up the "no wives, no girlfriends" rule, which pissed me off. my five year old daughter isn't anyone's wife or girlfriend. i said if they don't want my daughter there, then i don't want tim's son there. tim was offended and stormed out. randy said what i said was uncalled for. i said i'm bringing my daughter and that's that.
i just want to make sure i'm not being an entitled prick. aita?
| 20,766 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vjzw38/aita_for_wanting_to_take_my_daughter_fishing/
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2022-06-24 22:14:19
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nta, but if that's the kind of reception your daughter will be subjected to by your friends, you might just want to bring her fishing by yourselves. she'll probably enjoy that a lot more than she will being looked at by your friends like she's biologically lesser than.
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nta. if i were you i'd ditch their trip and take your daughter on a fishing trip one on one. clearly when they said "no wives, no girlfriends" they meant no females. really lame that they, as fathers themselves, aren't more understanding and supportive of you wanting to bring your daughter.
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nta. this is a good hill to make your last stand. you are not an asshole but you sure hang out with some record breaking assholes.
you are being the opposite of an entitled prick. if you go nuclear on your "friends" you'll be a damn legend.
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nta
stop being friends with those misogynistic jerks. like for real. shea a 5 year old girl! take her fishing on your own, and keep being an awesome dad standing up for your girl!
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nta, your friends are sexist.
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i had no idea i needed a penis to go fishing. do you dangle the bait from that and don't need to use a fishing pole? the hook must hurt like hell.
and no, nta.
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nta, tim said he wants to pass the tradition to the next generation, that opens things up for your guys' kids to come. your daughter is your kid, therefore she should be allowed to come.
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[removed]
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nta - your friends are sexist and i saw this same behavior with my dad (who has three daughters, me included) and his friends who all had sons. they want to carry on "boys will be boys" style behavior and tell lewd stories and swear when the boys get older and play "boys club."
they think the dynamic will change if you bring your daughter. if they're all bringing younger kids and your kid is the same age you should be allowed to bring her regardless of gender.
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nta. your friends, however, are ta. what your friend who brought up the “no wives, no girlfriends” rule meant was “any female no matter the age is sexualized into marriage material” or, depending on how immature he is, “girls have cooties! ewwwww!”
think very carefully about exposing your daughter to these individuals. she’s going to pick up on the vibe that she’s not wanted because i doubt they could control themselves. you sound like a great dad and a good person…your friends, not so much.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for over a decade, myself and my four best friends have had an annual fishing trip. there has always been a "no wives, no girlfriends rule" since the beginning, and no one has ever violated it. two years ago, my friend "tim" told the group he wanted to bring his five year old son, to sort of pass the tradition on to the next generation. at that point, only tim and i had kids, but my daughter was three and two young for fishing. we all supported tim's idea and made a big deal over the little guy. he had a great time and came last year as well. my other friend, "randy" has a four month old son now. when the baby was born, tim gave randy a children's fishing pole to give to his son on his fifth birthday. so it seemed clear to me that the tradition had evolved to us + our kids, which i'm cool with. i mentioned to my friends the other day that my daughter was excited for this year's fishing trip and they looked at me like i was crazy. tim said i shouldn't bring her, and i was baffled. i was super supportive of him bringing his son. this is no different. my daughter is now the age tim's son was when he first came on the trip. another friend brought up the "no wives, no girlfriends" rule, which pissed me off. my five year old daughter isn't anyone's wife or girlfriend. i said if they don't want my daughter there, then i don't want tim's son there. tim was offended and stormed out. randy said what i said was uncalled for. i said i'm bringing my daughter and that's that. i just want to make sure i'm not being an entitled prick. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for over a decade, myself and my four best friends have had an annual fishing trip. there has always been a "no wives, no girlfriends rule" since the beginning, and no one has ever violated it. two years ago, my friend "tim" told the group he wanted to bring his five year old son, to sort of pass the tradition on to the next generation. at that point, only tim and i had kids, but my daughter was three and two young for fishing. we all supported tim's idea and made a big deal over the little guy. he had a great time and came last year as well. my other friend, "randy" has a four month old son now. when the baby was born, tim gave randy a children's fishing pole to give to his son on his fifth birthday. so it seemed clear to me that the tradition had evolved to us + our kids, which i'm cool with. i mentioned to my friends the other day that my daughter was excited for this year's fishing trip and they looked at me like i was crazy. tim said i shouldn't bring her, and i was baffled. i was super supportive of him bringing his son. this is no different. my daughter is now the age tim's son was when he first came on the trip. another friend brought up the "no wives, no girlfriends" rule, which pissed me off. my five year old daughter isn't anyone's wife or girlfriend. i said if they don't want my daughter there, then i don't want tim's son there. tim was offended and stormed out. randy said what i said was uncalled for. i said i'm bringing my daughter and that's that. i just want to make sure i'm not being an entitled prick. aita? [/INST] nta, but if that's the kind of reception your daughter will be subjected to by your friends, you might just want to bring her fishing by yourselves. she'll probably enjoy that a lot more than she will being looked at by your friends like she's biologically lesser than. </s>
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AITA for discouraging my girlfriend from getting the “hair of her dreams”?
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anon because my gf is a redditor. she (22f) has been obsessed with coloring her hair since she was a kid. as soon as she was able, she’s been coloring her hair crazy colors. so far she’s done red, blue, purple, and blonde highlights, but never her whole head, usually only the bottom half of her hair. i’ve never been a huge fan of it, but since it’s not her whole head, i was able to get over it pretty easily. it’s been about a year since her last hair color and she just cut off the last of the bleach from her head a few months ago, but now she’s talking about dyeing half her head hair black and green, a bright green. i (21m) have never been a fan of this look in anyone, and i think she’s beautiful the way she is. such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty. she knows how i feel about it, so she’s been holding off this on this look. i don’t know what possessed her to suddenly decide she wants it again (she has been having a ton of self confidence improvements lately, which i love seeing), but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me. her friends were so excited that they gave her money for the appointment. i wasn’t so enthusiastic about the idea, and i didn’t hide that. when asked, i was honest with how i felt and how i think it would make her look, which we’ve discussed before, but i also mentioned that at the end of the day it was her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. seeing my lack of enthusiasm and actual hatred for the style seemed to deflate her, and after a talk about it, she decided to cancel the appointment. her friends are kind enough to let her keep the money in case she changes her mind or even use it for christmas presents, but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me. aita?
| 7,353 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rij750/aita_for_discouraging_my_girlfriend_from_getting/
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2021-12-17 14:57:52
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yta. so you’re excited about her confidence boost as long as she only makes changes to herself that you approve of? nice.
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yta
it's not your hair.
>but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me
she doesn't need to tell you, it's not your hair.
>such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty
so, you're worried what other people think about someone else's hair and that it might reflect badly on you? your friends are also too stupid to realise that her hair is not your hair?
>but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me
she's daft for asking you, because it's not your damned hair.
you can be honest without being an asshole, you know?
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yta, it's her hair. she can have it whatever way she wants, hers is the only opinion that matters
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you’re equating the couple of hours per day of you viewing her hair to her 24/7 experience of having it colored wildly, along with the time/money/upkeep of having it done. that in itself is presumptive but then you convince her that your opinion of her and her hair is more important than her own, so much to the tune that she cancels the appointment for her dream hair. is that about right?
she loves bright hair, has her whole life. you need to get on board or at least shut up about not being on board. you’re placing your opinion of her appearance ahead of her feelings. poor girl. i hope she gets her hair done exactly how she wants. yta.
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are you one of my exes? i finished with a guy for making a fuss about me colouring my hair. every time, he'd whine, despite him saying at the beginning of the relationship that he found that side of me "cool". when i raised that point and asked why he was trying to change me, to which he replied, "it's for your own good." that was the final straw; i dumped him on the spot and went with one of his classmates within a week. it broke his heart. he brought it on himself.
obviously yta. if you don't like dyed hair, don't go out with a girl who dyes her hair. like with my ex and i, it's not a surprise that's come out of nowhere. fuck's sake.
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yta, it is so easy for the people who are important in your life to make you feel like crap which is what you’ve done here. you mention that she knows how you feel and were honest about it but it was “the opinions she already knew she was going to get” have you considered the flip side that you knew how happy and excited she was and you rained on her parade anyway? you’ve expressed your hesitation in the past so maybe just try being supportive now.
also to your point of loud hair distracting from her ‘natural beauty’ please consider that women are not responsible for being beautiful or appealing to you or anyone else and the casual way that society expects that is pretty damaging to a lot of people.
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ahhhhhhh yes completely the ah. let me explain, you probably thought you were being virtuous by "telling her the truth" and that you were "just being honest", which though may be true, indiscriminately doing so is assholey. i too value honesty so the way i think of it is, love requires sacrifice. okay i want to be supportive of this person, support is a form of love, in order for me to support them i need to hold my opinion to make them happy. so then it becomes a choice of her happiness vs. your views. tbh the additional kick in the gut for me is that she clearly loved you so much, she gave up her desires to appease your sensibilities. likely, she does this often. be careful, this type of self-sacrifice ends in her cracking year/decades down the line, leaving and you wondering wtf happened. take this as an opportunity to learn because it'll likely be similar no matter the partner.... good luck, nobody deserves this :)
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op, i agree, yta, etc etc, but seeing your
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yta this reminds me of how an ex of mine used to get his hair cut badly and it'd make me not want to see him. turns out i didn't really have feelings for him, i had just been feeling lonely. my point is: if their looks are more important than their personality to you, maybe it's best to see other people /lh
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i understand how heartbreaking it is seeing someone go from enthusiastic and ‘excited’ to ‘defeated’ or neutral. it’s a horrible feeling, but in this case i think you should feel it.
you’re much more concerned how you, and more importantly others* would view her with dyed hair.
i say this as someone who have had dyed/bleached my hair white, purple and pink at different times. every time i did it for my own enjoyment. i’m male and my hair grow out a lot faster so it was not for a long time, but i never thought about how anyone would react. nor did any of my friends and family try to talk me out of it, besides asking how much the cost was.
* in the sense of it being a worse thing to be concerned with
to me it seems like you have some cognitive dissonance in both saying it’s her body, as well as trying to talk her out of it by saying you and others won’t like it.
if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. that’s fair, but you should know this is a part of her personality and what she wishes to do. you can either like it, or not be with her for who she is. because at the end of the day she should feel good about herself. not by doing what others want/feel, but rather what she wants to do.
yta. it would be one thing if she asked you your opinion if she should dye it for an occasion (or wear certain clothes) like a wedding where she dresses up for someone else. but then she would ask you for an opinion in choosing something, not an opinion of what you think of the outcome. when asking for an opinion of the outcome, she expect support. she wants to show off her personality, not her presentation for others.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: anon because my gf is a redditor. she (22f) has been obsessed with coloring her hair since she was a kid. as soon as she was able, she’s been coloring her hair crazy colors. so far she’s done red, blue, purple, and blonde highlights, but never her whole head, usually only the bottom half of her hair. i’ve never been a huge fan of it, but since it’s not her whole head, i was able to get over it pretty easily. it’s been about a year since her last hair color and she just cut off the last of the bleach from her head a few months ago, but now she’s talking about dyeing half her head hair black and green, a bright green. i (21m) have never been a fan of this look in anyone, and i think she’s beautiful the way she is. such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty. she knows how i feel about it, so she’s been holding off this on this look. i don’t know what possessed her to suddenly decide she wants it again (she has been having a ton of self confidence improvements lately, which i love seeing), but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me. her friends were so excited that they gave her money for the appointment. i wasn’t so enthusiastic about the idea, and i didn’t hide that. when asked, i was honest with how i felt and how i think it would make her look, which we’ve discussed before, but i also mentioned that at the end of the day it was her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. seeing my lack of enthusiasm and actual hatred for the style seemed to deflate her, and after a talk about it, she decided to cancel the appointment. her friends are kind enough to let her keep the money in case she changes her mind or even use it for christmas presents, but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
anon because my gf is a redditor. she (22f) has been obsessed with coloring her hair since she was a kid. as soon as she was able, she’s been coloring her hair crazy colors. so far she’s done red, blue, purple, and blonde highlights, but never her whole head, usually only the bottom half of her hair. i’ve never been a huge fan of it, but since it’s not her whole head, i was able to get over it pretty easily. it’s been about a year since her last hair color and she just cut off the last of the bleach from her head a few months ago, but now she’s talking about dyeing half her head hair black and green, a bright green. i (21m) have never been a fan of this look in anyone, and i think she’s beautiful the way she is. such loud hair would only distract people from her natural beauty. she knows how i feel about it, so she’s been holding off this on this look. i don’t know what possessed her to suddenly decide she wants it again (she has been having a ton of self confidence improvements lately, which i love seeing), but she booked an appointment and everything without telling me. her friends were so excited that they gave her money for the appointment. i wasn’t so enthusiastic about the idea, and i didn’t hide that. when asked, i was honest with how i felt and how i think it would make her look, which we’ve discussed before, but i also mentioned that at the end of the day it was her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. seeing my lack of enthusiasm and actual hatred for the style seemed to deflate her, and after a talk about it, she decided to cancel the appointment. her friends are kind enough to let her keep the money in case she changes her mind or even use it for christmas presents, but it broke my heart to see her go from so excited to so defeated just from hearing the opinion she already knew she was going to get from me. aita? [/INST] yta. so you’re excited about her confidence boost as long as she only makes changes to herself that you approve of? nice. </s>
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AITA for wanting to keep a vegan home even though our kids aren’t vegan?
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husband and i are having a moral dilemma concerning our kids.
we have two kids (14f/16m). when they were 10 and 12 my husband and i both became vegetarians. then last year we became vegan. we never forced our diet on them but we do talk to them about our beliefs concerning animal cruelty and animal products. they know that we’re serious about our new lifestyle and it’s not temporary.
now our kids still eat meat when they’re at school and we’re fine with that. they know we only cook vegan dishes at home. but recently they’ve been lashing out at rules we’ve established concerning meat in the house. we don’t permit any meats or animal based foods in our house or fridge (they can eat whatever they want outside the house) but our kids think we’re being unfair to them.
last week my daughter had friends over and they ordered a pepperoni pizza when my husband and i were out of the house. when we got back and saw the boxes we told her she disrespected us and our rules and grounded her for 2 weeks. but now her and our son are both lashing out, calling us terrible parents and threatening to move out and live with their uncle. we don’t think we did anything wrong but i’m not sure what we could’ve done better.
awta?
| 5,654 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bhfzgp/aita_for_wanting_to_keep_a_vegan_home_even_though/
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2019-04-26 00:24:34
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yta- it’s fair that you don’t want to prepare any meat-based foods, but if they are willing to prepare it themselves or order it, they are old enough to make that choice.
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yta. it’s really gross to ground your child for ordering a pepperoni pizza. yikes.
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yta.
you decide to suddenly change your life style and decided to force that life style change on your children. as far as i'm concerned that's already incredibly unfair.
the nice thing about being an adult is the fact you have 100% control of the food you consume, adults can and will be picky.
now imagine how difficult it is for a child basically being forced into a life style change, like being vegan, simply because their parents aren't considerate enough to take their children and their own thoughts and opinions in to consideration.
disrespectful for a damn pepperoni pizza? you are out of your damn minds.
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yta. my parents are vegan. they allow everyone else in the house to eat meat because they recognize not everyone wants to be vegan.
if it worries you so much get a separate meat fridge. grounding them for having pepperoni in the house is only going to make them resent you and hate vegans.
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yta - alrighty op let’s have it your way. next time your daughter has a sleep over and pays for her food she will go outside on your lawn in the middle of the evening/night with her friends to eat the pizza because you don’t want to force your lifestyle on them but at the same time cannot best to let them do simple small things like that. my neighbors are vegans. hard core vegans. and yet when i made them a cake (before i ever knew they were vegan) they happily ate a slice, then gave the remaining cake to their family who were not vegan. they graciously bought me a little sign that says “eat cake for breakfast” with a note attached saying “because that’s what we did!”
they later informed that they were vegan but never once shamed or ridiculed us for our eating habits and when they came over we would make sure to have snacks available to them following their diet and when they had a barbecue with their friends and family they happily allowed people to cook meats and eat cheese around them while they stuck to their bean burritos with fresh pico de gallo and grilled corn. they never stopped anyone around them from enjoying their lifestyles and because of that more people were respectful and even interested in theirs. still my favorite neighbors in the entire complex.
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>we never forced our diet on them
>can't eat anything outside your diet in their home
>grounded for not abiding to your diet
yta. you don't have to cook them animal-based food but for the love of god let them make it themselves. you are forcing your diet on them by restricting the other choices
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yta, grounding a teenager for two weeks for, effectively, enjoying a pepperoni pizza with their friends, is frankly ridiculous.
you weren't even in the house at the time, for god's sakes.
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yta
>we never forced our diet on them
okay good
>we don’t permit any meats or animal based foods in our house or fridge (they can eat whatever they want outside the house)
okay, so you lied and are forcing it
>last week my daughter had friends over and they ordered a pepperoni pizza when my husband and i were out of the house. when we got back and saw the boxes we told her she disrespected us and our rules and grounded her for 2 weeks
you're a liar and an asshole. everything you are doing is forcing your beliefs on your children.
you literally grounded your daughter for it. and are shocked when they are pushing back and want to move out.
yes, you are the asshole. let them move out, they deserve to live with someone who isnt insane enough to ground for violating a rule that shouldnt exist if you werent militantly forcing your beliefs, or force them to spend all their money eating outside of the house because you dont want to feed your children anything that goes against your belief (yet again..forcing your beliefs on them)
they'll probably be happier in the long run living with their uncle.
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yta you grounded her for two weeks for ordering a pizza? that’s the most ridiculous thing i’ve ever heard. what are you going to do when she breaks curfew?
your kids are old enough to decide what they want to eat and your rules are obviously more about control than anything else.
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yta. what the fuck? if they aren't asking you to prepare and/or eat the food, let your children eat what they want. as long as they're getting proper nutrition, back off.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: husband and i are having a moral dilemma concerning our kids. we have two kids (14f/16m). when they were 10 and 12 my husband and i both became vegetarians. then last year we became vegan. we never forced our diet on them but we do talk to them about our beliefs concerning animal cruelty and animal products. they know that we’re serious about our new lifestyle and it’s not temporary. now our kids still eat meat when they’re at school and we’re fine with that. they know we only cook vegan dishes at home. but recently they’ve been lashing out at rules we’ve established concerning meat in the house. we don’t permit any meats or animal based foods in our house or fridge (they can eat whatever they want outside the house) but our kids think we’re being unfair to them. last week my daughter had friends over and they ordered a pepperoni pizza when my husband and i were out of the house. when we got back and saw the boxes we told her she disrespected us and our rules and grounded her for 2 weeks. but now her and our son are both lashing out, calling us terrible parents and threatening to move out and live with their uncle. we don’t think we did anything wrong but i’m not sure what we could’ve done better. awta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
husband and i are having a moral dilemma concerning our kids. we have two kids (14f/16m). when they were 10 and 12 my husband and i both became vegetarians. then last year we became vegan. we never forced our diet on them but we do talk to them about our beliefs concerning animal cruelty and animal products. they know that we’re serious about our new lifestyle and it’s not temporary. now our kids still eat meat when they’re at school and we’re fine with that. they know we only cook vegan dishes at home. but recently they’ve been lashing out at rules we’ve established concerning meat in the house. we don’t permit any meats or animal based foods in our house or fridge (they can eat whatever they want outside the house) but our kids think we’re being unfair to them. last week my daughter had friends over and they ordered a pepperoni pizza when my husband and i were out of the house. when we got back and saw the boxes we told her she disrespected us and our rules and grounded her for 2 weeks. but now her and our son are both lashing out, calling us terrible parents and threatening to move out and live with their uncle. we don’t think we did anything wrong but i’m not sure what we could’ve done better. awta? [/INST] yta- it’s fair that you don’t want to prepare any meat-based foods, but if they are willing to prepare it themselves or order it, they are old enough to make that choice. </s>
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AITA? For making my wife return the $900 necklace she bought for herself using my money?
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my m34 wife's f30 birthday was a couple of weeks ago. she was very honest and vocal about what she wanted and it was sl buckled bracelet. i bought it for her and it cost me 300 using my own account (we do not purchase each other gifts using the joint account) since money is tight this gift broke my back but still i wanted her to feel appreciated at her birthday.
i gave her the bracelet and she was thrilled. said she admired it and put it on right away. later that night and after the birthday celebration was over. i found out that my wife purchased a $900 necklace using my account. i asked why she bought herself a gift knowing i already purchased her a gift and asked why she used my money. she nervously said she wasn't sure that i was going to get her anything for her birthday and so she planned ahead and bought the necklace. she said that she used my money because ...obviously the gift is supposed to come from me. i was puzzled as she explained her reasons. i was mad $900 was a lot to spend on a gift, besides i already bought her a gift so this was unnecessary spending process. i told her since i did bring her the gift she wanted then she needed to return the "alternative" gift she bought for herself. she refused and argued that i was being heartless and selfish to make her return her birthday gift. i insisted and told her i'd do it myself if she kept refusing. she said she will just return the $300 gift but i said no not the $300 gift that i agreed to pay for and she should return the $900 gift i never agreed to let her have. she returned it after i pressured her and kept sulking saying i'm a controlling jerk with no regard for her feelings on her birthday. she got her sister involved and she ended up calling me an abusive asshole for making money a priority over my wife's happiness.
it's been 2 weeks and she's still cold shouldering me.
| 18,185 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q56zbw/aita_for_making_my_wife_return_the_900_necklace/
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2021-10-10 12:20:01
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nta. but your wife is. i would check my accounts to make sure she hasn't purchased any other gifts.
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nta, this chick literally committed a felony and then twisted the logic to make it seem like you were getting her a gift, all so that she could manipulate you into "making her return her gift you got her." there's something wrong with this girl, man. i guarantee you this isn't the first time this batshit logic has come into play, and it certainly won't be the last.
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nta she has issues....
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>"using my own account (we do not purchase each other gifts using the joint account)"
>"since money is tight"
>"she used my money because the gift is supposed to come from me"
info how is she not aware of your financial situation that she doesnt understand how improper the gift is.
either way, unless the person says "i don't know what to give you, can you pick something" you don't get to decide what gift is given to you lol.
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i don’t like using the term so much but it’s definitely a case of gaslighting. if it was *actually* a “just in case” gift that she got as backup, she would have every intention of returning upon receiving your actual gift.
she had no intention of returning it, it wasn’t a “just in case” gift. she was hoping she could sneak this by you then, when you called her out on it, tried to gaslight you into believing you were somehow the bad guy.
nope, definitely not, amigo. nta.
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i am quite shocked that your wife would even consider buying her own "surprise" birthday present with your money. if there wasn't an agreement for her to access your money, or for her to buy her own present, then your wife breached the trust in your relationship.
not only that, but she told you what she wanted, and you got it for her. all i can see is that she saw something else that took her sudden fancy, but knew you couldn't afford it - but went ahead and got it anyway.
also, you have said yourself, money is tight and it broke your back. lovely necklace, pity it won't look so shiny at night, you know... when the electricity is shut off. sorry for the melodramatics, i just wanted to make a point.
to add insult to injury, she has the audacity to accuse you of being heartless, selfish controlling and then doubles down by getting her sister involved and sulks after taking it back. you did have feelings for her on her birthday, you bought her a bracelet. she's wrong, and she knows it, sulking is her way of punishing you for being right.
there is a heartless, selfish controlling jerk in this story - but it isn't you.
nta - red flags abound.
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nta. sorry about the pending divorce. 😬
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nta - wow that’s some entitlement. time to separate your finances immediately. she has shown very clearly she can’t be trusted with access to your accounts.
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nta- she knew exactly what she was doing. she wanted both and thought you wouldn't notice the necklace charge - at least not until it was to late for her to return it. her entitlement and attitude towards you after insisting she return return the ridiculous purchase are both gross, wrong and completely ridiculous.
you should really stop any access she has to your account.**i'd bet this isn't the first time she's done this.** **it's just the first time she's gotten caught.** i mean, who would start off with a $900 necklace? most people would build up the confidence to that amount by their partner not noticing smaller amounts overtime. in past instances she may just have just have used your joint account though.
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nta
that was so out of line. you don't just gift yourself a present with someone else's money. so are you allowed to get a 3000$ tv next year with her money in case you don't like your actual gift? that's ridiculous.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my m34 wife's f30 birthday was a couple of weeks ago. she was very honest and vocal about what she wanted and it was sl buckled bracelet. i bought it for her and it cost me 300 using my own account (we do not purchase each other gifts using the joint account) since money is tight this gift broke my back but still i wanted her to feel appreciated at her birthday. i gave her the bracelet and she was thrilled. said she admired it and put it on right away. later that night and after the birthday celebration was over. i found out that my wife purchased a $900 necklace using my account. i asked why she bought herself a gift knowing i already purchased her a gift and asked why she used my money. she nervously said she wasn't sure that i was going to get her anything for her birthday and so she planned ahead and bought the necklace. she said that she used my money because ...obviously the gift is supposed to come from me. i was puzzled as she explained her reasons. i was mad $900 was a lot to spend on a gift, besides i already bought her a gift so this was unnecessary spending process. i told her since i did bring her the gift she wanted then she needed to return the "alternative" gift she bought for herself. she refused and argued that i was being heartless and selfish to make her return her birthday gift. i insisted and told her i'd do it myself if she kept refusing. she said she will just return the $300 gift but i said no not the $300 gift that i agreed to pay for and she should return the $900 gift i never agreed to let her have. she returned it after i pressured her and kept sulking saying i'm a controlling jerk with no regard for her feelings on her birthday. she got her sister involved and she ended up calling me an abusive asshole for making money a priority over my wife's happiness. it's been 2 weeks and she's still cold shouldering me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my m34 wife's f30 birthday was a couple of weeks ago. she was very honest and vocal about what she wanted and it was sl buckled bracelet. i bought it for her and it cost me 300 using my own account (we do not purchase each other gifts using the joint account) since money is tight this gift broke my back but still i wanted her to feel appreciated at her birthday. i gave her the bracelet and she was thrilled. said she admired it and put it on right away. later that night and after the birthday celebration was over. i found out that my wife purchased a $900 necklace using my account. i asked why she bought herself a gift knowing i already purchased her a gift and asked why she used my money. she nervously said she wasn't sure that i was going to get her anything for her birthday and so she planned ahead and bought the necklace. she said that she used my money because ...obviously the gift is supposed to come from me. i was puzzled as she explained her reasons. i was mad $900 was a lot to spend on a gift, besides i already bought her a gift so this was unnecessary spending process. i told her since i did bring her the gift she wanted then she needed to return the "alternative" gift she bought for herself. she refused and argued that i was being heartless and selfish to make her return her birthday gift. i insisted and told her i'd do it myself if she kept refusing. she said she will just return the $300 gift but i said no not the $300 gift that i agreed to pay for and she should return the $900 gift i never agreed to let her have. she returned it after i pressured her and kept sulking saying i'm a controlling jerk with no regard for her feelings on her birthday. she got her sister involved and she ended up calling me an abusive asshole for making money a priority over my wife's happiness. it's been 2 weeks and she's still cold shouldering me. [/INST] nta. but your wife is. i would check my accounts to make sure she hasn't purchased any other gifts. </s>
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AITA for being annoyed that my girlfriend is so impulsive?
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i(33m) love my girlfriend (28) with all my heart, and have since we met in college a decade ago. we've been friends ever since we met in a shared class, but we only started dating about 4 months ago, partly because she wanted to explore life, which i understood and supported, even if it hurt to see her date other people. but we're together now, so the past is in the past.
the issue is she's always been impulsive. she decided she wanted a new car, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a house, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a dog, so she bought one. wanted to start a side business, so she did. tattoos, piercings, hell, even grad school, she just does everything on a whim.
and the most annoying part is that things just work out. on a whim she applied for an internship that turned into a job where she works from home and, in her own words, barely does anything for a shit ton of money. the car ended up being paid off by her grandparents as a grad school gift. the house she bought ended up dropping in price at the beginning of the pandemic and she got it for super cheap with almost no interest. she applied and got a full grant for grad school for studing creative writing, and the school itself is one a lot of people would fight to get into, and she just breezed her way on in. her dog is perfect, and i've never seen her train it. her business is doing well despite her having no clue what she's doing.
there's never been any consequences to her impulsive behavior, and it's both annoying and worrisome for when the other shoe eventually drops.
the argument came when, yesterday, we met for lunch with 2 new cartilage piercings. they were tacky and, of course, done on the fly. no thought behind if they get infected, or how they actually look, just another new "ooo shiny!" moment.
i don't remember the exaxt order of events, but we started arguing, and i brought up how annoying her being so impulsive was. she never talked or thought things through, just figured it would work out in the end like things always did. she stormed home without eating, and i soon got a ton of texts from other friends. most are on her side, but a few agree with me that she's just too impulsive.
| 3,373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o9s0g0/aita_for_being_annoyed_that_my_girlfriend_is_so/
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2021-06-28 19:54:35
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yta. you just really sound like you're jealous that things tend to work out for her. that's a bad look. you shouldn't be jealous of your partner's success. none of the things you listed sound like they even effected you anyway.
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sounds like we could all do with being more like your girlfriend, not considering bitching at her because her apparently impulsive decisions just pay off.
to be clear.. your girlfriend might seem to do things on a total whim.. spur of the moment etc, but you've made it very clear that she actually puts thought into her actions (mostly) before she does them,
for example; she didn't buy the house the day she wanted it, she bought it at the exact right time. the house was right, the price was right - therefore, the decision was the right one for her.
you just don't like the fact that her brain works so differently from yours, that you can't understand that there is rational thinking going on under the surface.
as for the piercings and her thinking ''ooo shiny'' so f\*\*king what? why shouldn't she go and get a part of her body pierced? she doesn't need to consult you about it.. it's not your body.
you seriously need to sit and consider why things working out for her is a problem for you. why is it that **you want her to fail** instead of being happy that things do work for her?
why not take a lesson from this and try to do some things yourself, instead of wanting to drag her back down again?
yta>
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yta
when you're at the point that you're angered by your partner's good fortune, do them a favor and break up. she deserves someone that will be thrilled for her when things go well and you deserve to be with someone who doesn't irritate you with their very approach to life.
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yta. what exactly is your problem here? you say you’re “bothered by how she is so impulsive” but none of her behavior sounds “impulsive” to me? it sounds like she knows what she wants, and knows how to go about getting it. not every decision has to be a grueling decision that requires you to go through hell to make. if she’s able to figure things out for herself and is successful at achieving what she wants- whats the issue?
you frankly sound immature and jealous. almost as if you expect her to struggle and fail multiple times in order for *you* to somehow be satisfied. as if everything she does in her life has to be about *you*, and if it doesn’t fit your way- it’s just “impulsive”.
you have been dating for precisely 4 months and yet you feel largely entitled to make sweeping judgements about the way she operates her finances, even though her financial decisions aren’t detrimental to her nor you? and in terms of piercings / tattoos, it’s her body and she’s allowed to do what she wants. of course she’s going to see something, decides she likes it, and then just do it. how else do you propose someone go about doing something?
you obviously aren’t compatible, and you seem to have a major problem with the fact that she’s doing well in life and would rather her struggle and suffer as opposed to be happy and supportive of her....
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>and the annoying thing is things just work out
good god you are a *massive* asshole. the entire way you talk about your girlfriend is disgusting. she got two cartilage piercings and you think they're tacky and the only reason she got them is cause "ooooh shiny"? why are you with this person if you think so lowly of her? do you even *like* her?
yta
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yta
you don’t like your girlfriend as a person.
the appropriate thing to do is break up, not guilt trip her for being her own person.
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yta because the most annoying part to you is things tend to work out for her. your knee jerk reaction isn’t to be happy for her. it’s to be spiteful and petty. let her go find someone who will support her
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yta - she's too impulsive **for you**. one person's impulsiveness is another person's bravery and good instincts. you may love her with 'all your heart'; but, not enough to celebrate her good fortune as a couple or view her impulsiveness as anything other than a negative. if you can't handle a free spirit, let her go; but, don't expect her to change who she is on a fundamental level.
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[deleted]
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yta, largely because it doesn’t sound like you actually like your girlfriend. rather, it seems like you resent her quite a bit. this might be different if she was your long-term partner and you were seriously talking about building a life together and merging financials. but you’ve been dating for four months!! a lot of this is honestly none of your business! would it annoy the hell out of me? absolutely, i’m a planner. but things seem to work out well for her and she’s doing great for herself. on the piercings, it sounds like you’re mad she didn’t ask you beforehand - i don’t think you’d think they’d look less tacky if she planned them out. it’s fine not to love them, but i’m pretty sure she knows what she’s doing with them if she runs a successful piercing business on the side.
honestly, it sounds like you’ve romanticized this woman since college and now you’re actually dating and it turns out she’s a real person with flaws and a full complex life who makes her own decisions - not the perfect image you had in your head of what your relationship would be like.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(33m) love my girlfriend (28) with all my heart, and have since we met in college a decade ago. we've been friends ever since we met in a shared class, but we only started dating about 4 months ago, partly because she wanted to explore life, which i understood and supported, even if it hurt to see her date other people. but we're together now, so the past is in the past. the issue is she's always been impulsive. she decided she wanted a new car, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a house, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a dog, so she bought one. wanted to start a side business, so she did. tattoos, piercings, hell, even grad school, she just does everything on a whim. and the most annoying part is that things just work out. on a whim she applied for an internship that turned into a job where she works from home and, in her own words, barely does anything for a shit ton of money. the car ended up being paid off by her grandparents as a grad school gift. the house she bought ended up dropping in price at the beginning of the pandemic and she got it for super cheap with almost no interest. she applied and got a full grant for grad school for studing creative writing, and the school itself is one a lot of people would fight to get into, and she just breezed her way on in. her dog is perfect, and i've never seen her train it. her business is doing well despite her having no clue what she's doing. there's never been any consequences to her impulsive behavior, and it's both annoying and worrisome for when the other shoe eventually drops. the argument came when, yesterday, we met for lunch with 2 new cartilage piercings. they were tacky and, of course, done on the fly. no thought behind if they get infected, or how they actually look, just another new "ooo shiny!" moment. i don't remember the exaxt order of events, but we started arguing, and i brought up how annoying her being so impulsive was. she never talked or thought things through, just figured it would work out in the end like things always did. she stormed home without eating, and i soon got a ton of texts from other friends. most are on her side, but a few agree with me that she's just too impulsive.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(33m) love my girlfriend (28) with all my heart, and have since we met in college a decade ago. we've been friends ever since we met in a shared class, but we only started dating about 4 months ago, partly because she wanted to explore life, which i understood and supported, even if it hurt to see her date other people. but we're together now, so the past is in the past. the issue is she's always been impulsive. she decided she wanted a new car, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a house, so she bought one. she decided she wanted a dog, so she bought one. wanted to start a side business, so she did. tattoos, piercings, hell, even grad school, she just does everything on a whim. and the most annoying part is that things just work out. on a whim she applied for an internship that turned into a job where she works from home and, in her own words, barely does anything for a shit ton of money. the car ended up being paid off by her grandparents as a grad school gift. the house she bought ended up dropping in price at the beginning of the pandemic and she got it for super cheap with almost no interest. she applied and got a full grant for grad school for studing creative writing, and the school itself is one a lot of people would fight to get into, and she just breezed her way on in. her dog is perfect, and i've never seen her train it. her business is doing well despite her having no clue what she's doing. there's never been any consequences to her impulsive behavior, and it's both annoying and worrisome for when the other shoe eventually drops. the argument came when, yesterday, we met for lunch with 2 new cartilage piercings. they were tacky and, of course, done on the fly. no thought behind if they get infected, or how they actually look, just another new "ooo shiny!" moment. i don't remember the exaxt order of events, but we started arguing, and i brought up how annoying her being so impulsive was. she never talked or thought things through, just figured it would work out in the end like things always did. she stormed home without eating, and i soon got a ton of texts from other friends. most are on her side, but a few agree with me that she's just too impulsive. [/INST] yta. you just really sound like you're jealous that things tend to work out for her. that's a bad look. you shouldn't be jealous of your partner's success. none of the things you listed sound like they even effected you anyway. </s>
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AITA For Telling My Daughter in Law She is Never Welcome at My Home Again?
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i (44f) have a twenty-three year old biological son as well as three foster children 2 boys (9 and 17) and one girl (12.) i have been a foster parent since my son was four. i am a social worker as well. he has gone through life understanding the system and the horrors these kids face. the three that i have right now i am planning to adopt. i love them as my own. the last two christmas’ i have not had my biological son, tyler, home. he has spent them with his girlfriend and wife now of eight months family. i have always respected it. she is much less independent than tyler and her family suffered the loss of a grandfather so they wanted her there for the holidays. this christmas tyler has been telling me that him and sonia (my dil) will spend christmas with our family. well the day before yesterday tyler told me he feels like he owes a debt to sonia’s family for the extravagant wedding gift they gave them and he felt pressured to spend another holiday with them. i didn’t believe him. i know when my son is lying. after pressing for about fifteen minutes he revealed to me that sonia felt uncomfortable spending christmas at our home because it did not feel genuine. she says that my foster children are not real family so it takes away from the spirit of the holiday. i would never let anyone be so disrespectful to tyler so why would i let this fly with my other children? i told him fine but if she doenst feel comfortable at christmas then i don’t ever feel comfortable with her around my kids, and she cannot step foot in this house again. i have always treated her with kindness and respect. i love her because she loves my son and he loves her, but i will not let anyone exclude my children. my husband believes i am going to cause a wedge between us and our son, but right now i am so so disappointed in him. this is not who i raised him to be maybe a wedge is needed for him to come to his senses. so reddit am i the asshole?
tldr: my dil doesn’t consider my family genuine because i have foster children so she and my son will be spending the third christmas in a row with her family. i told my son she is no longer welcome at my home.
| 21,793 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnsw4n/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_in_law_she_is_never/
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2021-12-24 19:19:19
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nta. she could seriously hurt your kids. it's good that you're not allowing that. i agree that he might need this wedge.
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good lord. nta. you aren’t creating the wedge… she did that. wow.
also, if she thinks taking in needy children is somehow “taking away” from the spirit of christmas, she needs to go back to sunday school. she obviously missed a few weeks.
just wow.
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nta, your duty is to your children and only your children. someone who holds any malice for them, intentional or not, does not get access to them. he should be offended, too, but that's his fight to have.
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nta - your son and dil seem to have missed the whole point of christmas while you live it every day by being a foster mom.
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nta but by banning her, have you given her what she wants? to never come to your house? also, dont forget, this might just be your son's first wife. keep the door open with him.
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i was totally prepared to respond differently, but after reading it, you are nta. how hurt your younger children would be if they were to hear her say such a thing in front of them. i wouldn’t allow her in either.
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i was adopted.
my mom eviscerated many people over the span of her life for even suggesting i was anything less then her child. i've never forgotten those moments. i felt unconditional love and safety in those times as she shot lasers from her eyes and flailed her mommy pointer finger wildly around at them.
you're an incredible parent. protect your kids. i hope your son figures his life out quickly before there's any damage.
nta
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nta
if your son had been adopted instead of biologically yours, would she still say it wasn’t genuine?
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nta and i would honestly have a long talk with your son without her around letting him know how disappointed you are that he has chosen to stay with someone like that and ask him if he agrees and sees your soon-to-be-adopted children as "lesser" family as well because, if he does, then he probably needs to not be around those kids either because his feelings would show at some point and hurt them.
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nta.
that being said your husband is likely correct and you will now have limited contact with your son and little to no relationship with your future grandchildren so be prepared for that. if you are saying your dil is never allowed over again it means just that and also means you won't be allowed in their home or at their events. never is a long time.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (44f) have a twenty-three year old biological son as well as three foster children 2 boys (9 and 17) and one girl (12.) i have been a foster parent since my son was four. i am a social worker as well. he has gone through life understanding the system and the horrors these kids face. the three that i have right now i am planning to adopt. i love them as my own. the last two christmas’ i have not had my biological son, tyler, home. he has spent them with his girlfriend and wife now of eight months family. i have always respected it. she is much less independent than tyler and her family suffered the loss of a grandfather so they wanted her there for the holidays. this christmas tyler has been telling me that him and sonia (my dil) will spend christmas with our family. well the day before yesterday tyler told me he feels like he owes a debt to sonia’s family for the extravagant wedding gift they gave them and he felt pressured to spend another holiday with them. i didn’t believe him. i know when my son is lying. after pressing for about fifteen minutes he revealed to me that sonia felt uncomfortable spending christmas at our home because it did not feel genuine. she says that my foster children are not real family so it takes away from the spirit of the holiday. i would never let anyone be so disrespectful to tyler so why would i let this fly with my other children? i told him fine but if she doenst feel comfortable at christmas then i don’t ever feel comfortable with her around my kids, and she cannot step foot in this house again. i have always treated her with kindness and respect. i love her because she loves my son and he loves her, but i will not let anyone exclude my children. my husband believes i am going to cause a wedge between us and our son, but right now i am so so disappointed in him. this is not who i raised him to be maybe a wedge is needed for him to come to his senses. so reddit am i the asshole? tldr: my dil doesn’t consider my family genuine because i have foster children so she and my son will be spending the third christmas in a row with her family. i told my son she is no longer welcome at my home.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (44f) have a twenty-three year old biological son as well as three foster children 2 boys (9 and 17) and one girl (12.) i have been a foster parent since my son was four. i am a social worker as well. he has gone through life understanding the system and the horrors these kids face. the three that i have right now i am planning to adopt. i love them as my own. the last two christmas’ i have not had my biological son, tyler, home. he has spent them with his girlfriend and wife now of eight months family. i have always respected it. she is much less independent than tyler and her family suffered the loss of a grandfather so they wanted her there for the holidays. this christmas tyler has been telling me that him and sonia (my dil) will spend christmas with our family. well the day before yesterday tyler told me he feels like he owes a debt to sonia’s family for the extravagant wedding gift they gave them and he felt pressured to spend another holiday with them. i didn’t believe him. i know when my son is lying. after pressing for about fifteen minutes he revealed to me that sonia felt uncomfortable spending christmas at our home because it did not feel genuine. she says that my foster children are not real family so it takes away from the spirit of the holiday. i would never let anyone be so disrespectful to tyler so why would i let this fly with my other children? i told him fine but if she doenst feel comfortable at christmas then i don’t ever feel comfortable with her around my kids, and she cannot step foot in this house again. i have always treated her with kindness and respect. i love her because she loves my son and he loves her, but i will not let anyone exclude my children. my husband believes i am going to cause a wedge between us and our son, but right now i am so so disappointed in him. this is not who i raised him to be maybe a wedge is needed for him to come to his senses. so reddit am i the asshole? tldr: my dil doesn’t consider my family genuine because i have foster children so she and my son will be spending the third christmas in a row with her family. i told my son she is no longer welcome at my home. [/INST] nta. she could seriously hurt your kids. it's good that you're not allowing that. i agree that he might need this wedge. </s>
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AITA for telling my BF I can't afford to feed his kids right now?
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hi reddit! i really need the unbiased opinion of internet strangers and accept any and all judgement.
for context my bf (36m) and my son and i (36f) live together and for the moment i am the main breadwinner. bf pays his portion of the rent and then i pay for everything else (food, utilities, my portion of the rent, fuel, basically everything else) and i have to budget like crazy to cover everything - i don't have a great salary either, but better than his. he's working on bettering his situation and i support us with an open heart. no resentment and no expectations on repayment. he has two kids from a previous relationship that visit us semi-regularly when he's off work. so on to the issue...
last week he kind of sprung it on me that his kids were coming to stay the night. i asked him nicely to let me know a bit sooner next time so that i could work my money situation. i rework some things to feed all of us and everything is good (i made a butt-load of pancakes :) ). yesterday he tells me they are coming again (i think the his ex is asking), and i ask if its after i get paid. he says no its not. i say as gently as i can that its the end of the month and i can't really afford two extra mouths right now, i'm having to borrow to make ends meet for the week as it is. he blows up. says he doesn't see his kids and its not my responsibility and he'll sell his car for money if he has to.
i love him and i love his kids, but the reality of the situation is that i can literally not feed them too right now. i knows its just two kids and a few extra meals, but its the reality of our situation and one of the kids is a preteen that eats more than i do some days and thats ok. please bear in mind that bf has no money at all for extra anything.
aita for saying i'm not able to accommodate his kids right now?
**
| 18,134 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ona486/aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_cant_afford_to_feed_his/
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2021-07-19 08:47:36
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nta. you can't spend money you don't have.
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nta. quick question, if he acknowledges that they’re not your responsibility, exactly why is he mad???
it just seems like he and the children’s mother want to bum off of you/dump their kids in your lap whenever they want with no lip from you. that’s not the kids’ fault, but it’s not your problem either.
worry about you and your baby. budget for you and your baby. he’s a grown man. what exactly does he budget for??? you should seriously rethink whether or not you want the rest of your life to look like this.
i don’t think your bf actually wants things to change. he seems just fine springing shit on you like you don’t have enough to deal with by yourself.
btw, does he ever help you with your kid or is he just piling shit onto you with no help whatsoever, even when he doesn’t have his kids?
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nta. what are you supposed to do ? sell blood or your eggs to feed his kids ? they're his responsibilities.
i'm guessing he doesn't pay child support either. how do a grown man who has a job and only pays half a rent can't have money to buy his kids food when they come like one day a week or less ? i think he is taking advantage of you.
if he sells his car, will he be able to go to work ? will the money lasts ? or will he spend it once to buy groceries and then into whatever he spends his god damn money on ?
i'm calling freeloader here.
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nta- those kids are his responsibility. maybe if you guys were married it would be a different story but he should start looking for a higher paying job
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nta. good for you, you were upfront and honest. he sounds emotionally immature based on that reaction. he immediately tried to guilt you and blew it out of proportion. there is no reason you all cannot ask their mom for some food money. presumably he's already paying child support.
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nta,
and this boyfriend is a fool if he thinks selling his car will do any good. it's a one-time source of cash, once it is gone it is gone, and not having a car will seriously impact his ability to get or keep a job. which will make future visits from the kids far less likely to happen.
if you are the main breadwinner, and he really doesn't have cash to chip in, then he should, at the very least, be planning a visit that doesn't cost money (walks to a local playground, but no eating out or activities that cost) and also he should be planning on doing the work of cooking from scratch from inexpensive ingredients, to bring down food costs - he can easily cook at home while watching the kids, and careful meal planning around inexpensive ingredients can go a fairly long way.
as he says, it's not your responsibility to feed his kids. it's his responsibility. so if you don't have the money to do it, he should be thinking about a practical plan to do so, not nonsense like selling a car. and it should be him doing the work of making that plan happen (such as cooking those pancakes!) not you. especially if you are working and he isn't.
(given the pandemic and the way the job market is weird, i'm more inclined to be forgiving of him not working full time for the moment, but his financial situation doesn't sound sustainable.)
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nta. you know your financial situation and you simply can't afford to feed them at the moment. is there a court ordered custody agreement in place between your bf and his ex? why is he unilaterally deciding to have the kids stay with the two of you when he doesn't have the means to feed them?
your bf really needs to do something sooner rather than later about his financial situation. his "threat" to sell his car is completely ridiculous. if he follows through on selling his car, it will just mean that you are driving him and his kids around. do not let this happen;.
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nta.
info, were you expecting such a negative response to him?
bc if it's overwhelming, take a min. but the criticisms of him are valid. you are bending over backwards in real life and in this post to make him look good and he still looks like shit. no offense.
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[removed]
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nta - unfortunately, there is no magic money tree, and when money is spent, it's spent.
it seems like a chunk of this issue comes from lack of notice - is the mother of the kids springing these visits on him, or does your bf know about them ahead of time, and he's just "forgotten" to tell you?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi reddit! i really need the unbiased opinion of internet strangers and accept any and all judgement. for context my bf (36m) and my son and i (36f) live together and for the moment i am the main breadwinner. bf pays his portion of the rent and then i pay for everything else (food, utilities, my portion of the rent, fuel, basically everything else) and i have to budget like crazy to cover everything - i don't have a great salary either, but better than his. he's working on bettering his situation and i support us with an open heart. no resentment and no expectations on repayment. he has two kids from a previous relationship that visit us semi-regularly when he's off work. so on to the issue... last week he kind of sprung it on me that his kids were coming to stay the night. i asked him nicely to let me know a bit sooner next time so that i could work my money situation. i rework some things to feed all of us and everything is good (i made a butt-load of pancakes :) ). yesterday he tells me they are coming again (i think the his ex is asking), and i ask if its after i get paid. he says no its not. i say as gently as i can that its the end of the month and i can't really afford two extra mouths right now, i'm having to borrow to make ends meet for the week as it is. he blows up. says he doesn't see his kids and its not my responsibility and he'll sell his car for money if he has to. i love him and i love his kids, but the reality of the situation is that i can literally not feed them too right now. i knows its just two kids and a few extra meals, but its the reality of our situation and one of the kids is a preteen that eats more than i do some days and thats ok. please bear in mind that bf has no money at all for extra anything. aita for saying i'm not able to accommodate his kids right now? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi reddit! i really need the unbiased opinion of internet strangers and accept any and all judgement. for context my bf (36m) and my son and i (36f) live together and for the moment i am the main breadwinner. bf pays his portion of the rent and then i pay for everything else (food, utilities, my portion of the rent, fuel, basically everything else) and i have to budget like crazy to cover everything - i don't have a great salary either, but better than his. he's working on bettering his situation and i support us with an open heart. no resentment and no expectations on repayment. he has two kids from a previous relationship that visit us semi-regularly when he's off work. so on to the issue... last week he kind of sprung it on me that his kids were coming to stay the night. i asked him nicely to let me know a bit sooner next time so that i could work my money situation. i rework some things to feed all of us and everything is good (i made a butt-load of pancakes :) ). yesterday he tells me they are coming again (i think the his ex is asking), and i ask if its after i get paid. he says no its not. i say as gently as i can that its the end of the month and i can't really afford two extra mouths right now, i'm having to borrow to make ends meet for the week as it is. he blows up. says he doesn't see his kids and its not my responsibility and he'll sell his car for money if he has to. i love him and i love his kids, but the reality of the situation is that i can literally not feed them too right now. i knows its just two kids and a few extra meals, but its the reality of our situation and one of the kids is a preteen that eats more than i do some days and thats ok. please bear in mind that bf has no money at all for extra anything. aita for saying i'm not able to accommodate his kids right now? ** [/INST] nta. you can't spend money you don't have. </s>
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AITA for calling my parents assholes for what they did to my birthday
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i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)
this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life.
well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
| 25,195 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kjoql2/aita_for_calling_my_parents_assholes_for_what/
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2020-12-24 23:08:49
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nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid?
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nta. your family sucks, they really suck. why talk to them still?
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nta
> my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or **have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)**
the shit is this? i thought they were going to say have christmas on christmas day and have your birthday on boxing day, not make it one or the other.
> if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family.
the rules of this sub prevent me from calling your parents what they really are. i have to settle for twisted assholes but they are so much more. and the fact that your extended family apparently can't see that either is beyond messed up.
> well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
good for you! you blew up because you've put up with their shit for far too long.
> it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise.
did your brothers get a birthday and a christmas? if yes, tell them to shut their hypocritical asshole mouths. and your auntie has participated in this shit show your whole life, she gets no opinion.
> and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
not if you choose it's your birthday, apparently.
you said what needs to be said. stick to your guns. oh, also, happy birthday and merry christmas!
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nta your parents are assholes.
happy birthday
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nta.
who the hell does that? almost cartoonishly evil.
do they twirl their moustache and/or pet a big white cat? do they spend a lot of time in the completely remodeled basement filled with technology and laser sharks where you are not allowed?
oh, in my time zone it just became christmas:
happy birthday and merry christmas!!!
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nta
they want you to apologize. then apologize. but do it like this.
i'm sorry i was born on christmas. i guess i should have picked a different day to come out. even though my choices were limited when you fucked in late march.
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holy shit nta. happy birthday and merry fucking christmas because you deserve both!!.
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nta
mums birthday is christmas day, she's like the queen and has 2 birthdays, gets gifts and happy birthday along with christmas on 25th dec and then a day in the year of her choosing where she gets a "yes day" she wants it she gets it. she's 70 this year.
grandad made it known she gets 2 gifts 1 birthday and 1 christmas. they soon realised he was serious when he stopped buying the cousins gifts for 12 months.
they wanna play this game? play the rules. you don't get birthdays they don't either
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nta. as the mother of a christmas eve child, your family sucks, your mother in particular. please don’t ever celebrate her birthday again, because after all she chose to celebrate christmas.
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what the hell??? nta at all! it’s not your fault you were born on that day and like you said, it wasn’t even a “i want more presents issue” it’s not hard at all to acknowledge both holidays. even if they did your birthday on the 26th why wouldn’t they also let you do christmas? everyone else gets both just bc their parents screwed the right time of year to avoid christmas. you shouldn’t be punished for when your parents decided to hook up.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should. [/INST] nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid? </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to apologise to my parents or leave their house because he ruined our daughters birthday party by not picking her up on time?
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first off this is not a validation post. i'm only here because my husband thinks i'm an asshole. he even wants to reconsider our relationship now because of this petty incident.
a couple of days ago, my parents decided to host our daughters birthday party. it was a special occasion because she was going to be 16. my daughter had some plans with her friends and we decided to host the party at night. we invited our extended family and friends and told them that the party would start at 7pm.
my husband was supposed to pick her up on his way back from his workplace. well, my husband and daughter were supposed to be there by 7, but they ended up arriving at 8. it was not much of a party without my daughter. we had to start late and my parents were really upset. apparently, the traffic delayed him. i was really upset. i told him he should have started early. so i asked him to apologise to my parents for what he had done, but he refused and decided to walk out. after learning what happened, my daughter walked out with him and they ruined everything.
they now refuse to talk to me. i think they should appreciate what my parents tried to do for her. i also think my daughter acted like a brat. aita here?
| 3,473 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bx2fdk/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_apologise_to_my/
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2019-06-05 13:15:19
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yta - they were an hour late. they made it there safely. be grateful for that.
also:
> it was not much of a party without my daughter.
something about this is incredibly off-putting. you couldn't make small talk for an hour before they ended up getting there?
**edit** - now you're going to downvote people giving you judgement? lol, just accept it lady.
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info: the fact your daughter also walked out when she heard leads me to believe we aren't getting a full picture here. you say this isn't a validation post but it clearly is.
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absolutely. in fact, i have to award you the coveted flaming asshole award. it was your kid's birthday. you made it about you. the fact that the birthday girl, upon whose behalf you were offended, walked out on you — says it all. yta
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lol at 'not a validation post'- it was clearly meant to be and looks like its backfiring.
&#x200b;
agree with others on here that we're getting a cherry-picked story. why did your daughter walk out?
&#x200b;
yta pending further information
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yta.
> he refused and decided to walk out. after learning what happened, my daughter walked out with him and they ruined everything.
it was your daughter's party. the fact that she walked out *with* her dad means you're trying to make him look bad. it sounds like it wasn't his fault and you were being bitchy about it.
> i think they should appreciate what my parents tried to do for her
they might have if you didn't blow it by being an asshole
> i also think my daughter acted like a brat.
it was her birthday party and you made it about you and your parents. she probably thinks you were acting like a brat too. the difference is, she'd be right.
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nta. your husband obviously should have known ahead of time that traffic was going to be bad. he also should have anticipated that by being an hour late the party wouldn't be much of a party. i can't believe he wouldn't apologize for ruining the party for his daughter. and your daughter too! what a ungrateful, unappreciative brat!
is this what you wanted to hear? i didn't mean a word of it. you are so very obviously the total ah here. but i don't blame you 100%. seems like that's the kind of environment you grew up in. because your parents are ahs too for getting all upset over this. sheesh.
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yta. they were stuck in traffic.
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yta.
no, your husband did not ruin your daughter's birthday party. you did.
you made the whole thing about you and your parents, blamed your husband for something he couldn't control, then made a scene by trying to make him to apologise for it. you also clearly spoilt the party for your daughter, by chewing out your husband. then you call your daughter a 'brat' simply for having her own opinion on what happened.
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yta. not his fault.
you sound like an awful shrew, to be honest.
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> after learning what happened, my daughter walked out with him and they ruined everything.
okay, we are clearly missing *so much* info here. i don’t even know where to start asking. let’s try this: can you describe your daughter’s reasoning for taking the position she did?
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.106132 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first off this is not a validation post. i'm only here because my husband thinks i'm an asshole. he even wants to reconsider our relationship now because of this petty incident. a couple of days ago, my parents decided to host our daughters birthday party. it was a special occasion because she was going to be 16. my daughter had some plans with her friends and we decided to host the party at night. we invited our extended family and friends and told them that the party would start at 7pm. my husband was supposed to pick her up on his way back from his workplace. well, my husband and daughter were supposed to be there by 7, but they ended up arriving at 8. it was not much of a party without my daughter. we had to start late and my parents were really upset. apparently, the traffic delayed him. i was really upset. i told him he should have started early. so i asked him to apologise to my parents for what he had done, but he refused and decided to walk out. after learning what happened, my daughter walked out with him and they ruined everything. they now refuse to talk to me. i think they should appreciate what my parents tried to do for her. i also think my daughter acted like a brat. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first off this is not a validation post. i'm only here because my husband thinks i'm an asshole. he even wants to reconsider our relationship now because of this petty incident. a couple of days ago, my parents decided to host our daughters birthday party. it was a special occasion because she was going to be 16. my daughter had some plans with her friends and we decided to host the party at night. we invited our extended family and friends and told them that the party would start at 7pm. my husband was supposed to pick her up on his way back from his workplace. well, my husband and daughter were supposed to be there by 7, but they ended up arriving at 8. it was not much of a party without my daughter. we had to start late and my parents were really upset. apparently, the traffic delayed him. i was really upset. i told him he should have started early. so i asked him to apologise to my parents for what he had done, but he refused and decided to walk out. after learning what happened, my daughter walked out with him and they ruined everything. they now refuse to talk to me. i think they should appreciate what my parents tried to do for her. i also think my daughter acted like a brat. aita here? [/INST] yta - they were an hour late. they made it there safely. be grateful for that. also: > it was not much of a party without my daughter. something about this is incredibly off-putting. you couldn't make small talk for an hour before they ended up getting there? **edit** - now you're going to downvote people giving you judgement? lol, just accept it lady. </s>
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AITA for calling my dad’s wife weak?
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backstory:
my (16f) dad and mom (both 37f&40m) got a divorce two years ago because my father cheated on my mother, her (the mistress) and my dad got married two months after my parents got a divorce.
my parents have joint custody of me and my siblings (17m & 16m (my twin brother), we’re all close and decided we wanted to visit our father, his wife and her kids (16&15f, the father passed) every two weeks since it was either that or we’d have to spend our holidays with them (mother’s orders) which we all didn’t want.
i don’t like the two teenage girls and neither do my brothers, they’ve called us the n word multiple times (our dad is italian while our mom is black, my stepsisters&stepmom are white), usually stay out late, smoke etc.
story:
we were at my dad’s house, my brother (twin) and i were playing video games in the living room, my stepsister (16) wanted to watch tv even though she has a tv in her room, we told her to give us half an hour since we hadn’t been playing for long, my stepsister called us both ‘ghetto n——‘ out of nowhere and my stepmother came downstairs to ask what happened.
i explained to her what happened and she told me “anna (random name), i’ve talked to you about this, stop being weak.”
i asked her if my stepsister would be getting a consequence and she told me no because i was being weak, then added “for a black girl”.
i responded by saying, “i’m weak yet you don’t have enough respect for yourself to leave a man who forgot to tell you he had a wife and kids.” since she wasn’t aware my father had a family while he was cheating with her.
she went ballistic and my brother (17) who had just woken up had to hold her back, i feel kind of guilty but i also don’t.
now i’m waiting for my dad to get home.
aita?
| 19,940 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hq3y9n/aita_for_calling_my_dads_wife_weak/
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2020-07-12 22:58:28
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nta
your father is the worse asshole in this story - cheating on his wife and then marrying a woman who is racist towards his own children. i assume you've told him about the racial slurs?
obviously the mother and her kids are awful as well.
if you haven't told your dad (or even if you have), tell your mom. this environment plus your dislike of it might be enough for your mom to get sole custody
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nta - stop going over there. if your dad wants to see you it can be a place where you aren’t getting racially abused.
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nta
racism is never excused and it's clear where the step daughter got her attitude from.
please keep us updated on what your father says.
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nta
why does your mom force you to spend time with racists? i think she is kind of an asshole for that. you are obviously not the asshole for sticking up for yourself. the fact that your dads family is being so openly racist towards you and neither of your parents are stepping in is very concerning.
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nta- as a black mom to a mixed kid there is no relationship(parental or otherwise) that i would prioritize so high that i’d willingly keep putting my kid in a situation where they kept getting called the n word.
your stepmom’s lack of reaction to her child calling you that means those kids very likely learned to call you/other black people that from her.
i’d also be driving over to give miss thing a piece of my mind if my child also told me she had to be physically restrained from hitting them.
if your dad is not concerned about the behaviors you’ve had to endure you need to tell your mom you don’t want to go there anymore.
it took me years to accept that being related to someone doesn’t mean that person gets unfettered access to you.
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[deleted]
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nta - she needs to realize that she can’t win over the kids in this type of mistress situation and if anything needs to be nice or atleast just.
you’re practically an adult - you said what you said without being offensive. now is she throws a tantrum and gets on her man - that’s your dads problem.
also - if you’re still close to your dad and all - at some point you might have to find a way to make life easy while you all live together. but that in no ways means that you take any kind of racist, condescending bullllllshiiit. immediately communicate that to your dad and mom. take videos if you can.
wish you the best.
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wow. nta she is weak for not getting control of her rabid daughter.
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nta, your dad is for cheating and an even bigger ah for marrying a racist. your mom is also an ah for forcing your siblings and you to have a relationship with him against your will. and your dad's wife and her kids are obviously ahs.
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nta— fuck that whole family. are your parents aware that they call you that?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: my (16f) dad and mom (both 37f&40m) got a divorce two years ago because my father cheated on my mother, her (the mistress) and my dad got married two months after my parents got a divorce. my parents have joint custody of me and my siblings (17m & 16m (my twin brother), we’re all close and decided we wanted to visit our father, his wife and her kids (16&15f, the father passed) every two weeks since it was either that or we’d have to spend our holidays with them (mother’s orders) which we all didn’t want. i don’t like the two teenage girls and neither do my brothers, they’ve called us the n word multiple times (our dad is italian while our mom is black, my stepsisters&stepmom are white), usually stay out late, smoke etc. story: we were at my dad’s house, my brother (twin) and i were playing video games in the living room, my stepsister (16) wanted to watch tv even though she has a tv in her room, we told her to give us half an hour since we hadn’t been playing for long, my stepsister called us both ‘ghetto n——‘ out of nowhere and my stepmother came downstairs to ask what happened. i explained to her what happened and she told me “anna (random name), i’ve talked to you about this, stop being weak.” i asked her if my stepsister would be getting a consequence and she told me no because i was being weak, then added “for a black girl”. i responded by saying, “i’m weak yet you don’t have enough respect for yourself to leave a man who forgot to tell you he had a wife and kids.” since she wasn’t aware my father had a family while he was cheating with her. she went ballistic and my brother (17) who had just woken up had to hold her back, i feel kind of guilty but i also don’t. now i’m waiting for my dad to get home. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: my (16f) dad and mom (both 37f&40m) got a divorce two years ago because my father cheated on my mother, her (the mistress) and my dad got married two months after my parents got a divorce. my parents have joint custody of me and my siblings (17m & 16m (my twin brother), we’re all close and decided we wanted to visit our father, his wife and her kids (16&15f, the father passed) every two weeks since it was either that or we’d have to spend our holidays with them (mother’s orders) which we all didn’t want. i don’t like the two teenage girls and neither do my brothers, they’ve called us the n word multiple times (our dad is italian while our mom is black, my stepsisters&stepmom are white), usually stay out late, smoke etc. story: we were at my dad’s house, my brother (twin) and i were playing video games in the living room, my stepsister (16) wanted to watch tv even though she has a tv in her room, we told her to give us half an hour since we hadn’t been playing for long, my stepsister called us both ‘ghetto n——‘ out of nowhere and my stepmother came downstairs to ask what happened. i explained to her what happened and she told me “anna (random name), i’ve talked to you about this, stop being weak.” i asked her if my stepsister would be getting a consequence and she told me no because i was being weak, then added “for a black girl”. i responded by saying, “i’m weak yet you don’t have enough respect for yourself to leave a man who forgot to tell you he had a wife and kids.” since she wasn’t aware my father had a family while he was cheating with her. she went ballistic and my brother (17) who had just woken up had to hold her back, i feel kind of guilty but i also don’t. now i’m waiting for my dad to get home. aita? [/INST] nta your father is the worse asshole in this story - cheating on his wife and then marrying a woman who is racist towards his own children. i assume you've told him about the racial slurs? obviously the mother and her kids are awful as well. if you haven't told your dad (or even if you have), tell your mom. this environment plus your dislike of it might be enough for your mom to get sole custody </s>
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AITA for ruining both my parents marriages for disowning me?
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i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages?
| 38,271 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cohdqj/aita_for_ruining_both_my_parents_marriages_for/
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2019-08-10 12:23:53
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nta
you didn’t ruin anything - they did.
your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were.
the only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. you did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden.
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nta your parents are fucking selfish. so many other options for them instead of just pretending like you don’t exist. if you don’t want your spouse to find out you cheated, how about not ducking cheating.
all you wanted was a little contact with family. they rejected you. well they don’t get to choose whether your half sisters and brothers want to know you or not. maybe sharing screenshots was not the right way to go but honesty if you keep such a huge secret from your spouse, you deserve to get found out eventually.
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nta. it's really shitty that they would try to deprive you of having *literally any family* besides your grandparents so that they can cover up their bad behavior. i don't blame you for what you did. you're definitely going to have to deal with the fallout, but at least you can now have a relationship with your siblings.
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they were expecting you to actively participate in erasing your own existence from their world. they basically wanted you to not exist. of course you got angry and wanted to hurt them.
so the fact that you wanted to punish them is...well, i won’t go so far as to call it assholish, but the fact that you feel like a schmuck for deliberately kicking the keystone pebble that led to this particular landslide tells me that you are a decent person that doesn’t like to see other people in pain as a direct result of events you played a minor part in engineering. but please remember that the people who set up this whole situation made it so, so easy for you to trigger that landslide. all you had to do was publicly exist at them. sure, you were pissed, but literally the only thing you did was say “hey! i exist!” and if all you have to do is breath and exist to blow up someone’s tower of lies...then you are so nta.
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you’re nta here. your parents couldn’t have expected to hide a living, breathing *human being* forever. this is their lie and their problem. you were born into inauspicious circumstances but you didn’t choose who your parents were. you don’t deserve to live hidden away for the rest of your life.
try and be supportive of your siblings on both sides, but embrace being out in the open. take this opportunity to learn about your relatives on a deeper level (while also respecting their boundaries when asked). forget your parents, they were never worth knowing to begin with. but see if you can build new friendships and relationships with your siblings, who are also victims of your parents’ lies.
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nta for ruining their marriages, they did that by cheating. sure exposing a cheater's cheating will hurt the family that's being cheated on, but in my opinion that's never an asshole thing to do even if it's now in the distant past. you didn't make them cheaters, you just exposed them for what they were.
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i dont have a coherent answer. but i will say this, lies almost certainly eventually unfold.
for 17 years they did not own up to their mistake, they literally passed it over to someone else, well, that mistake has asked to be recognized, they thought they can just brush it off like they did, so they faced the consequences from the worst perspective.
they could've tried and make it right opening things up slowly and carefully, but i guess they got what they deserve. props on the balls, karma is a bitch.
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nta. the sending of screenshots to the wife is maybe a bit petty, but i generally support notifying someone when you know their partner is cheating/has cheated on them. in this case the cheater had a whole kid with their cheating partner and was paying child support, so there was a financial deception in addition to the original betrayal of cheating. it sucks that your half-sibs got caught up in the nastiness, but your bio dad had to have known this would catch up to him eventually. it's pretty gross of him to expect you to bear the consequences of his bad behavior while he goes on his merry way.
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info: when/how did you find out the truth about your parentage? if it was later in life i'm particularly interested in how your "adopted sister" acted towards you.
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i'm gonna go against the grain and say esh. your parents for obvious reasons, and you for intentionally ruining someone's life for your own satisfaction.
did you have a reason for it, sure. but being a vengeful asshole is still being a vengeful asshole. note, i'm not saying that you're a bad person by any means, most people including myself probably understand why you'd do what you did. but i do think you're a bit of a dick for intentionally doing it.
now, if it had happened accidentally for example because your father's wife had accidentally seen the message on your dad's phone, that wouldn't have been explicitly your fault, and you would not be an asshole here, but purposely doing this is a different matter.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am the by-product of my parents extra-marital affair. both of them had spouses at the time. my birth-mother got pregnant and had to tell her husband as he was overseas when i was conceived so there was no way i was his. a few months after i was born they decided not to divorce. i was given to my grandparents on my mothers side to raise with my birth father secretly paying child support without his wife's knowledge.
both my parents had other children, my dad's side knows nothing about me but my siblings on my mum's side were told that i am adopted by my grandparents. recently i decided that i wanted to know more about my dad's family and i sent a friend's request to one of my siblings and my dad so i could get to know him. well he freaked out and contacted my birth mum and they asked to speak to me over skype. they both told me that they couldnt risk staying in contact with me and told me that they were going no-contact and to please respect it and move on with my life.
well i did pretty much the opposite. i contacted my dad's wife and shared screen shots of our conversations and told her everything. she is now divorcing him while on my mother's side i told both my siblings who then went on to tell extended family including her husband's side so now they are seperated and my siblings hate my mother.
currently my siblings on both sides lives have been upturned and after the satisfaction has worn off i feel like i unnecessarily hurt them through my parents. aita for ruining my parents marriages? [/INST] nta you didn’t ruin anything - they did. your birth parents have been and continued to be completely selfish arseholes, and everyone deserved to see who they really were. the only people who upended anyone’s lives are your parents. you did not deserve to be told to go away or hidden. </s>
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AITA for suing my ex?
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so i dated a youtuber.
we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority.
not really important why we broke up, but we broke up.
then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive.
i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means.
so i sued my ex.
it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged.
they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them.
after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go.
eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex......
but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record.
suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life.
a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone.
was i the asshole?
| 31,488 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h9emck/aita_for_suing_my_ex/
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2020-06-15 11:38:25
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nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh?
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nta. the ex shouldn't be using a private relationship for youtube views, and deserves everything they got.
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nta. don’t feel badly, part of enforcing a libel or slander suit is to publicize it so that the public record is corrected.
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something tells me that why you broke up might be kind of important to the story
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i’m starting to be concerned by two facts:
- op gives non-answers every time someone asks if he perhaps was abusive
- he did not try to reach some agreement before getting to court - like most sensible people do. he went in for full destruction.
still, based solely on the info provided, i’ll go with nta, but i’m wondering if this is one of those posts where there’s more to the story.
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nta- that’s called liable. you were 100% in the right to sue her
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i smell bullshit.
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this shit is so fake it isn't even funny
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info: did you consider that she saw your behavior in the relationship as emotionally abusive and examine your actions to be sure?
i'm not saying what she did was right. there is a possibility though that she genuinely believes your relationship was abusive.
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uhhhhh... bro is there a chance you might have been actually abusive though? everyone here is saying nt.a but there’s really no context about what your relationship was like. what were some of the things she claimed you did/how do you refute that? info
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
| 0.090895 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i dated a youtuber. we went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like i wasn't a priority. not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. then i get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. i'm pretty much done with them but i do and i realise they made a video about me where they claim i was emotionally abusive. i continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person i was and how they hoped i died through various means. so i sued my ex. it ruined them. i knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. they made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. after which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but i had sunk money into the case as well. it wasn't cheap for me either so i didn't just let it go. eventually the judge ruled in my favor and i received a total of nothing from my ex...... but it meant i could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. a bunch of my friends said i went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. was i the asshole? [/INST] nta - actions have consequences. her "content" could have ruined your life, but nobody thinks about that huh? </s>
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AITA: For telling my husband that I'll never invite his family again after he said I embarrassed him with my cooking?
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title sounds horrible but hear me out please.
so, my 35f husband's 37m family recently moved to our town to live close to us and my brother in law who got married a few months ago.
my inlaws like to gather twice a month for dinner and they'd have me and my husband visit (3h drive) once a month. my mother in law wouldn't accept any excuses that i work and have kids to take care of. she always wants the family gathered at her house.
last week. while we were visiting their new house. my husband made me spend x money for a gift that he didn't help with. also had me carry boxes to help them move stuff into their house while my brother in law's new wife sat on the couch and was served with coffee and sweets.
he told them that he wanted to invite them over for dinner the next day and he didn't even consult with me first so i had to take the day off so i could prepare meals. i made the main dishes, appetizers, salad and pound cake.
they arrived at 7pm. mother in law, brother in law's wife didn't move a finger, they were busy criticizing my table setting and giving “advice”.
i put dinner on the table and my mother in law started asking why i used x ingredient instead of x ingredient. saying that she would've liked it. then said that the salad was not necessary because no one liked this type of salad. my husband just agreed with her telling me why i didn't do it this way or that way. i was getting mad and lost my appetite. mother in law said the pound cake was not complete and didn't look delicious. my husband told her that he wanted to get one from the bakery but i didn't allow him. the cake stayed the same while they ate what brother in law's wife brought and flattered her.
after they left. i told my husband that his mom was being rude and mean to me the whole time. that he should've stopped her instead of agreeing with her. he said that he didn't defend me because i was in the wrong and what i cooked was not so great and that i embarrassed him infront of his family after having them try my cooking for the first time..
i got mad at him and told him i will no longer invite his family for dinners and he didn't like that since he told his mom that we will regularly invite them for dinner. he called me too sensitive and that i should just focus on cooking what they like instead.
he thinks i'm overreacting but i'm so angry and feel like i been insulted and disrespected in my own house.
| 18,018 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jgshbu/aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_ill_never_invite/
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2020-10-23 18:11:36
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nta what good qualities does your husband have to balance out how terribly he treats you in relation to his family?
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[removed]
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nta. your husband and his family are way out of line. the fact that your husband just orders you around and expects you to comply several times in this story is especially worrying.
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> i had to take the day off so i could prepare meals
why did you do this? he disrespected you. let him flounder. in fact, stop cooking for him and his family entirely. they don't deserve you. cook food you like and ignore them.
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nta, but it sounds like your husband does not have your back *at all* if he's fine with his family treating you like that. even if the food was horrible, there's no justifiable reason for them to be rude and for him to not stand up for you.
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nta
he if he feels like he can unilaterally decide that his family is coming over for dinner without even talking to you about it before hand then you have every right to say that you don’t want them over again. considering how they all treated you if for some reason they still came over i would not cook for any of them ever. they are going to complain regardless if you cook or not so why bother killing yourself over it. and your husband is an ah for not standing up for you and basically throwing you under the bus while enabling their behavior. i would seriously reconsider if you want to be related to these people much longer because i can guarantee that this will not end with dinner and will pop up on your child caring abilities too.
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when my second baby was born, my husband went straight back to work. literally the day we came home from hospital. he hadn't told me he'd traded in his paternity leave for something else, so i very much wasn't expecting it.
my older child was 20 months old, hitting the terrible twos.
so the first week was... well, you know what it was if you've been through it and if you haven't it's nearly impossible to understand.
on your own all day, with 2 babies that age, everything is a juggling act. you've got 100 plates in the air at any given moment and you can't take your eye off any of them or the whole edifice will collapse.
getting to the toilet is incredibly hard, you'd be lucky if you get a shower a week, forget about washing your hair.
also, remember, you're getting no sleep, and you're breastfeeding, so mentally, you are completely on autopilot.
but you gotta keep those plates in the air.
well. so. there we were, and i was managing... i'm not saying i was managing well, but the babies were alive, and thriving, and pretty much everything is in service to that, so the autopilot chaos plate-juggling was working, in its fashion.
a week in, the doorbell rang. a baby on the hip, another in my arms, in the dressing gown i lived, workd and slept in, hair a rats nest and banana smeared all over my face... i open the door to find....
my mother-in-law and father-in-law. on the doorstep. with.... wait for it.... a suitcase.
they'd asked my husband if they could stay for a week, not to help out, but because they had things to do in the city. and he had said yes, sure, fine, and he hadn't told me.
i mean, we didn't even have a spare room now with 2 kids, the in-laws slept on the pull-out couch in the middle of the lounge room.
my mil loved it. she was a very judgmental, nosy woman who'd been the perfect stay-at-home wife and mother and had secretly hated me from the get-go. she'd sit there, with her aging, ailing husband, at 7pm every night at the dining room table and say: "don't worry about us, we'll just eat what you're eating, don't worry about the time, we can wait," while her beady little eyes were taking in everything, from the unwashed dishes to the dust under the sofa to the medications in my private bag, measuring and counting every transgression to share with her coven when she got back.
i was thinking about this time when i read your post op and wondering how i survived it.
and then i remembered.
it turned out to be good for me, because that's when i learnt to stop caring about the in-laws' opinions or their bullshit. i remember thinking "i can't, i just can't. i can't put on a good show, i can't try to hide the worst, the only thing i can do is nurture my babies and not give a fuck what that silly old bitch and her coven of daughters and daughters-in-law etc think or say."
i suddenly saw, that was one plate i could drop.
it was such a relief to realise that it made no difference what they thought or said, it didn't affect my babies, and anyway they were looking only for bad shit, they'd make it up if they couldn't find it.
and that's what i advise you to do.
these people are never going to be respectful of you. they're looking for troubles to gossip about and tut-tut over to fill up their boring, stupid lives, and give them a chance to feel superior.
they're going to find fault whatever you do.
that horrid little performance of criticising your generous dinner was almost certainly designed to hit you hard so you'd crack and under pressure say (or shout) something they'd all smugly agree was unforgiveable. she wants that reaction. it would make her look noble and long-suffering and everyone would have to agree with her that your behaviour is beyond the pale, and she is justified in being so critical of you.
some people are just assholes op. you can't fix it. and if they're secretive about it, you can't get others (e.g. your husband) to see what they're really doing.
but you do have one really great weapon in this, a superpower, and that is... genuinely not giving a fuck.
she's a cow, why care about what she thinks? you don't need the approval of idiots. you've got a life.
once you stop caring, it doesn't matter what she does or how much she needles you, she can't hurt you, because you don't care.
that's a place well-worth striving for. practice saying to yourself, "she's an asshole, what do i care what she does or thinks?" and then your in-laws will become what they should have been all along—your husband's problem not yours.
nta
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nta, but boy did you marry a jerk. i don't know many others who would have waited until everyone left before flipping out. i'd have taken the food they complained about off the table, wrapped it up, put it in the refrigerator, and asked if there was anything else not quite up to their standards so i could remove it as well. if asked, i'd have told them the food was to be donated to a shelter. anyone want to call out for a pizza? hubby, you don't mind making the call and the run, right?
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nta. you don't have to invite anyone into your house who brings drama and criticism that you didn't ask for. a polite guest is gracious about a free meal, even if it's not 100% to their liking. your husband put you on the spot, didn't defend you to his family, and then minimized your concerns when you told him how it made you feel.
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oh dear god, why are you with him?
they bitch about your cooking and you're supposed to suck it up and keep doing it anyway? in what universe is this okay?
nta, and tell the whole fam to get bent.
also, you dropped these: 🚩🚩🚩🚩
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title sounds horrible but hear me out please. so, my 35f husband's 37m family recently moved to our town to live close to us and my brother in law who got married a few months ago. my inlaws like to gather twice a month for dinner and they'd have me and my husband visit (3h drive) once a month. my mother in law wouldn't accept any excuses that i work and have kids to take care of. she always wants the family gathered at her house. last week. while we were visiting their new house. my husband made me spend x money for a gift that he didn't help with. also had me carry boxes to help them move stuff into their house while my brother in law's new wife sat on the couch and was served with coffee and sweets. he told them that he wanted to invite them over for dinner the next day and he didn't even consult with me first so i had to take the day off so i could prepare meals. i made the main dishes, appetizers, salad and pound cake. they arrived at 7pm. mother in law, brother in law's wife didn't move a finger, they were busy criticizing my table setting and giving “advice”. i put dinner on the table and my mother in law started asking why i used x ingredient instead of x ingredient. saying that she would've liked it. then said that the salad was not necessary because no one liked this type of salad. my husband just agreed with her telling me why i didn't do it this way or that way. i was getting mad and lost my appetite. mother in law said the pound cake was not complete and didn't look delicious. my husband told her that he wanted to get one from the bakery but i didn't allow him. the cake stayed the same while they ate what brother in law's wife brought and flattered her. after they left. i told my husband that his mom was being rude and mean to me the whole time. that he should've stopped her instead of agreeing with her. he said that he didn't defend me because i was in the wrong and what i cooked was not so great and that i embarrassed him infront of his family after having them try my cooking for the first time.. i got mad at him and told him i will no longer invite his family for dinners and he didn't like that since he told his mom that we will regularly invite them for dinner. he called me too sensitive and that i should just focus on cooking what they like instead. he thinks i'm overreacting but i'm so angry and feel like i been insulted and disrespected in my own house.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
title sounds horrible but hear me out please. so, my 35f husband's 37m family recently moved to our town to live close to us and my brother in law who got married a few months ago. my inlaws like to gather twice a month for dinner and they'd have me and my husband visit (3h drive) once a month. my mother in law wouldn't accept any excuses that i work and have kids to take care of. she always wants the family gathered at her house. last week. while we were visiting their new house. my husband made me spend x money for a gift that he didn't help with. also had me carry boxes to help them move stuff into their house while my brother in law's new wife sat on the couch and was served with coffee and sweets. he told them that he wanted to invite them over for dinner the next day and he didn't even consult with me first so i had to take the day off so i could prepare meals. i made the main dishes, appetizers, salad and pound cake. they arrived at 7pm. mother in law, brother in law's wife didn't move a finger, they were busy criticizing my table setting and giving “advice”. i put dinner on the table and my mother in law started asking why i used x ingredient instead of x ingredient. saying that she would've liked it. then said that the salad was not necessary because no one liked this type of salad. my husband just agreed with her telling me why i didn't do it this way or that way. i was getting mad and lost my appetite. mother in law said the pound cake was not complete and didn't look delicious. my husband told her that he wanted to get one from the bakery but i didn't allow him. the cake stayed the same while they ate what brother in law's wife brought and flattered her. after they left. i told my husband that his mom was being rude and mean to me the whole time. that he should've stopped her instead of agreeing with her. he said that he didn't defend me because i was in the wrong and what i cooked was not so great and that i embarrassed him infront of his family after having them try my cooking for the first time.. i got mad at him and told him i will no longer invite his family for dinners and he didn't like that since he told his mom that we will regularly invite them for dinner. he called me too sensitive and that i should just focus on cooking what they like instead. he thinks i'm overreacting but i'm so angry and feel like i been insulted and disrespected in my own house. [/INST] nta what good qualities does your husband have to balance out how terribly he treats you in relation to his family? </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my husband eat dinner with me and the kids?
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this might sound silly but my husband loves food, not gaming not youtube he's weakness is f.o.o.d. i don't hold this against him in anyway but his eats a lot ( he's fit and regularly attends the gym) and sometimes i find myself cooking bigger portion of food because he'd attempt to eat from our daughters plates leaving them still hungry. we always run out of snacks as well so there are times when i have to cook twice a day.
yesterday at 4 p.m. i was out with the girls to get new haircuts. i already prepared dinner and left it in the fridge til we get back. i told my husband that i've put his portion aside for when he got back from the gym so he could go ahead and eat if me and the girls were going to be late. i called him at the salon and he said he got home and had his dinner and was doing some work in his office.
at 8 p.m. me and the girls returned home and i quickly went into the kitchen to reheat dinner because we were so hungry
i opened the fridge and the food i prepared was gone.
i asked him and he said he felt hungry after eating early and ate our dinner. i was angry, kept thinking what we were going to eat. i kept looking for other option and when i asked about other foods he kept shaking his head saying we already ran out of this and ran out of that.
i bluntly said he was selfish to eat the girls dinner. he said he couldn't help it, he's always hungry.
i went to order food from the restaurant for just me and the girl. when our order arrived, i called the girls and sat to eat. few minutes later he walked out of the office and was upset that we didn't call hi to join us for dinner. i told him he already had dinner not once but twice and that i did not include him in our order since he's already ate. he lashed out saying that i was doing this deliberately ordering food from his favorite restaurant (pretty much all restaurants are his favorite) and excluding him from dinner and teaching the girls to treat him as he was unwanted at dinner table. i called him selfish, this dinner was for me and the girls since he already ate our previous dinner that i spent time making.
he admitted he was wrong to eat our dinner and said he felt bad afterwards but said it was totally worth it
there's no doctor, therapist, or pastor that could help him out with this "problem" he's just a man who loves food. but i was behaving passive aggressive towards him and implying that him licking food is a problem which is incorrect. we argued for minutes then he went back into the office saying i should feel bad for excluding him from our meal
needless to say he hasn't spoken to me eversince and keeps teasing the girls about no longer sharing his snacks with them since they were okay with me excluding him from dinner.
aita here?
| 17,940 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nswnh2/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_husband_eat_dinner/
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2021-06-05 14:14:51
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nta.
but what are you doing, staying with a man that will literally take the food out of your kids mouth all day every day?
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... yta for letting your husband abuse your daughters like this. why aren’t you protecting them? it’s harsh but what is it gonna take for you to see his actions? get off of reddit and sort your house. or at the very least see a therapist for why you permit this to happen to your children. someone needs to start protecting them.
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nta. but, your husband has a serious problem that needs to be looked at. no one is just that hungry that he eats his children's food and still wants more **but doesn't care that his kids have no food** he needs help.
has he always been like this?
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nta. he ate his own dinner, his wife's dinner and his kids dinner and then still wanted more. and said that eating his kids food was "worth it"? nope.
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nta. does he have a tapeworm or something?!? you need to insist that your husband see a doctor. it’s not normal for a healthy parent to prioritize themselves like that and not care if their kids are going hungry. it’s a huge red flag that he doesn’t care that he’s literally taking food out of his children’s mouths.
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info: why haven’t you removed your daughters from living with a man who doesn’t care if his children have no food? not only that but he’s a dick to them because they finally get to eat but don’t share their food with him (because he already ate theirs). you can choose to live with this asshole if you want, you’re an adult, but someone has to protect your children.
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nta. your husband's problem isn't that he likes food, it's that he's a selfish glutton who doesn't respect or really like his family. when i read that he had eaten your dinner as well as his, my blood pressure went up. him giving you the silent treatment and taunting his own children over snacks is very immature, manipulative and honestly abusive. actually, they way he handled this entire thing is a common abuse tactic know as darvo: deny, attack, reverse, victim and offender.
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nta people who simply love food, don't eat food their children and spouse need to eat for a meal. that's either a compulsion (which is a mental health issue) or pure asshole behavior.
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esh except the kids. why are you with a man who not only eats your food but eats your daughters' food and willingly lets them go hungry? whatever his positives, he's certainly not father material, he's divorced source of child support payments material. your kids are being abused and it's your responsibility to protect them.
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*"there's no doctor, therapist, or pastor that could help him out with this "problem" he's just a man who loves food."*
i disagree. this man has a problem that needs sorting out. either there's something a therapist can sort out, or he's just fundamentally completely selfish to put his desires over the needs of the rest of his family, in which case do you really want to be with this person? what is this teaching your daughters, that he will happily eat all their food and leave them hungry? disgraceful behaviour. get him to sort it out and please stop enabling him. what he's doing is wrong.
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.186339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this might sound silly but my husband loves food, not gaming not youtube he's weakness is f.o.o.d. i don't hold this against him in anyway but his eats a lot ( he's fit and regularly attends the gym) and sometimes i find myself cooking bigger portion of food because he'd attempt to eat from our daughters plates leaving them still hungry. we always run out of snacks as well so there are times when i have to cook twice a day. yesterday at 4 p.m. i was out with the girls to get new haircuts. i already prepared dinner and left it in the fridge til we get back. i told my husband that i've put his portion aside for when he got back from the gym so he could go ahead and eat if me and the girls were going to be late. i called him at the salon and he said he got home and had his dinner and was doing some work in his office. at 8 p.m. me and the girls returned home and i quickly went into the kitchen to reheat dinner because we were so hungry i opened the fridge and the food i prepared was gone. i asked him and he said he felt hungry after eating early and ate our dinner. i was angry, kept thinking what we were going to eat. i kept looking for other option and when i asked about other foods he kept shaking his head saying we already ran out of this and ran out of that. i bluntly said he was selfish to eat the girls dinner. he said he couldn't help it, he's always hungry. i went to order food from the restaurant for just me and the girl. when our order arrived, i called the girls and sat to eat. few minutes later he walked out of the office and was upset that we didn't call hi to join us for dinner. i told him he already had dinner not once but twice and that i did not include him in our order since he's already ate. he lashed out saying that i was doing this deliberately ordering food from his favorite restaurant (pretty much all restaurants are his favorite) and excluding him from dinner and teaching the girls to treat him as he was unwanted at dinner table. i called him selfish, this dinner was for me and the girls since he already ate our previous dinner that i spent time making. he admitted he was wrong to eat our dinner and said he felt bad afterwards but said it was totally worth it there's no doctor, therapist, or pastor that could help him out with this "problem" he's just a man who loves food. but i was behaving passive aggressive towards him and implying that him licking food is a problem which is incorrect. we argued for minutes then he went back into the office saying i should feel bad for excluding him from our meal needless to say he hasn't spoken to me eversince and keeps teasing the girls about no longer sharing his snacks with them since they were okay with me excluding him from dinner. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this might sound silly but my husband loves food, not gaming not youtube he's weakness is f.o.o.d. i don't hold this against him in anyway but his eats a lot ( he's fit and regularly attends the gym) and sometimes i find myself cooking bigger portion of food because he'd attempt to eat from our daughters plates leaving them still hungry. we always run out of snacks as well so there are times when i have to cook twice a day. yesterday at 4 p.m. i was out with the girls to get new haircuts. i already prepared dinner and left it in the fridge til we get back. i told my husband that i've put his portion aside for when he got back from the gym so he could go ahead and eat if me and the girls were going to be late. i called him at the salon and he said he got home and had his dinner and was doing some work in his office. at 8 p.m. me and the girls returned home and i quickly went into the kitchen to reheat dinner because we were so hungry i opened the fridge and the food i prepared was gone. i asked him and he said he felt hungry after eating early and ate our dinner. i was angry, kept thinking what we were going to eat. i kept looking for other option and when i asked about other foods he kept shaking his head saying we already ran out of this and ran out of that. i bluntly said he was selfish to eat the girls dinner. he said he couldn't help it, he's always hungry. i went to order food from the restaurant for just me and the girl. when our order arrived, i called the girls and sat to eat. few minutes later he walked out of the office and was upset that we didn't call hi to join us for dinner. i told him he already had dinner not once but twice and that i did not include him in our order since he's already ate. he lashed out saying that i was doing this deliberately ordering food from his favorite restaurant (pretty much all restaurants are his favorite) and excluding him from dinner and teaching the girls to treat him as he was unwanted at dinner table. i called him selfish, this dinner was for me and the girls since he already ate our previous dinner that i spent time making. he admitted he was wrong to eat our dinner and said he felt bad afterwards but said it was totally worth it there's no doctor, therapist, or pastor that could help him out with this "problem" he's just a man who loves food. but i was behaving passive aggressive towards him and implying that him licking food is a problem which is incorrect. we argued for minutes then he went back into the office saying i should feel bad for excluding him from our meal needless to say he hasn't spoken to me eversince and keeps teasing the girls about no longer sharing his snacks with them since they were okay with me excluding him from dinner. aita here? [/INST] nta. but what are you doing, staying with a man that will literally take the food out of your kids mouth all day every day? </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter she can’t publicly come out as gay until her grandparents die?
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i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us.
my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita?
| 4,274 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8h3ij/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_cant_publicly/
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2020-06-13 22:12:26
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yta. you said you don't want to choose because you'd choose your daughter, but you're not. you're choosing your parents.
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>i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time.
this is a lie. you *have* chosen already, and your choice was to support your parents bigotry, rather than your daughters identity.
yta
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they’re in their 70s. when are you expecting them to die? they could live another 10-20 years. if she meets someone when she’s 25 are you going to tell her she can’t bring them to family functions or marry them?
there’s nothing wrong with warning her of the potential fall out, but telling her outright not to makes yta.
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yta.
&#x200b;
i'm part of the lgbt community. and let me tell you, from the perspective i've seen, you've basically told her how okay and supportive you are, and then you've ripped that support from right under her feet. i'd be devastated too, if i had parents who baked me a pride cake and then were like "oops nvm your grandparents are still alive", probably more devastated than me being told its not okay. especially during pride month where all of her friends are freely expressing themselves on social media.
&#x200b;
what you probably should do is grow up and tell your parents that they're living under *your* roof now, and that if they aren't willing to at least be kind and respectful to your daughter, then they aren't welcome there.
&#x200b;
also, if your parents are in their seventies, you could be asking her not to come out until she's in her thirties, given they live until about 90s, because you're scared of what your parents might think.
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yta.
look, i get it. my parents have never been the best when it comes to homosexuality; i grew up hearing lots of awful stuff. when my oldest child came out i was very concerned that her grandparents would be judgmental. i explained to her that they were like that, and they might not be supportive (while stressing that they were in the wrong, not her), and asked her permission to speak with them, which she gave.
and then i made it very, very clear that they could feel however the hell they wanted about it, but they were never ever ever to say a single negative word to her.
and you know, at first it was tough - my dad was convinced she'd 'grow out of it' and my mom never said much one way or the other. but they kept their damn mouths shut when i told them to, and my daughter has always known that i do and will choose her, every single time. because that's the deal i made when i decided to become a mother. and for what it's worth, my mother posted on her social media yesterday something that was in support of gay pride month, so you just never know how people will react.
by telling your daughter to keep her orientation a secret, you're already choosing between her and your parents. you're showing her that you're 'supportive,' but only when it's easy - when it's about making cakes - and not when it's hard, when there might be consequences for you. that's not real support. that's not real parenting, either. the world is already a very hard place for our kids, they're going to hear and see and be subjected to shit that they should never have to deal with, and you should be doing everything you possibly can to make your space as safe and affirming as possible. you are not right now. you need to do better.
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yta- you can’t confine her to living your life. she wants to be open and staying in the closet takes a massive toll on her mental health. the fact that you aren’t willing to defend and stand up for your daughter and who she is as a person speaks volumes. support your kid.
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yta, and coming from a queer kid who’s mother did the exact same thing to them as a teenager, that is one of the big reasons we haven’t spoken in years. you will lose your daughter over this, i promise you that.
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yta. it’s her choice. she is the gay one, not you. she decides when to come out, not you.
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yta. your job as a parent is to back her up, even against your parents.
i guarantee you, as a lesbian woman who came out at 19 to my mormon father who wouldn't support me to his own parents/my grandparents, that she's going to remember this as a moment when you failed her.
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yta. you're choosing your parents over your daughter and what she feels comfortable with. do you expect her to come out when she's 30?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us. my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f36) have a 16 year old daughter. about three months ago, she came out to her father and i as gay. we’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive. we baked her a rainbow cake the next day and watched pride documentaries. when covid started intensifying, i told my parents, both in their 70s to come and stay with us. my parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the topic old white religious heterosexual couple, and i don’t want them being like that to my daughter. my daughter asked if she could come out to them and i said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to. i know for a solid fact that they won’t accept her, and i don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time. i told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her. aita? [/INST] yta. you said you don't want to choose because you'd choose your daughter, but you're not. you're choosing your parents. </s>
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AITA for using home security cameras to expose my girlfriend’s gaslighting?
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my gf anne (25f) and i (25m) have been dating the past 5 years, since college. after graduation, we were semi-long distance, living close enough that we alternately visited almost every weekend. in 2018, anne got a job in my city, and we found a place and moved in together.
now’s a good time to mention the security cameras in our house: break-ins are unfortunately common where we live. we thus got some motion activated cameras, one of which has a view of our kitchen (to monitor the back door). the cameras only record when there’s motion so they can retain footage for a very long time. anne of course knows this.
about a year ago, anne started complaining i wasn’t contributing equally to chores. i’ve been obsessive about chores my whole life; growing up, not doing the dishes meant no videogames for a week. when i lived with roommates, i was always the chore nazi, making damn sure we all stuck to our chore wheel. anne is just as fastidious about chores, so we just naturally alternated who did what.
i’d just been brushing her remarks off, but over the last few months they’ve become much more aggressive, e.g. i was vacuuming and anne said “look at you finally cleaning up around here!” i replied that we alternated vacuuming, to which she retorted “no, you’ve vacuumed maybe twice since i moved in.” exchanges like this have been happening so frequently that i began to doubt my own recollection; am i not as clean as i thought?
finally, she exploded at me last week. she said that having to stay home constantly over the past weeks exposed how little i do around the house, and that she didn’t move in just to be my maid. questioning my own sanity, i spent a few hours going through the entire 1.5 year archive of security camera footage, and tallied the exact number of times the kitchen cam caught each of us doing dishes. our cleaning supplies (vacuum/mop/etc.) are in the kitchen pantry, so i also tallied up how many times we grabbed cleaning stuff.
to my vindication, the tally showed that we indeed split chores equally. she vacuumed/mopped \~5 more times than i did; i did dishes \~20 more times than she did. given that we vacuum/mop at least once a week and do dishes at least every day, these are insignificant differences over the year and a half we’ve lived together.
when i confronted anne, she shrugged off her behavior as “remembering things differently,” but the real sin here was what *i* did, which she called an “unforgivable violation of *her* privacy,” akin to abusive stalking. she has broken up with me and is trying to move out, although obviously this is difficult due to current circumstances.
i’m totally heartbroken - anne was the love of my life and i can’t believe she destroyed our relationship like this. to make matters worse, she told many of our friends, who are mostly siding with her! they’ve been texting me that what i did was creepy, abusive, controlling, invasive, etc. i’m at a loss; i’m beginning to think i’m the one who’s off base here.
| 21,790 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fv0x9z/aita_for_using_home_security_cameras_to_expose_my/
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2020-04-04 20:41:28
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nta she has been accusing you of not pulling your weight and you pulled hard proof that you were. she knew about the cameras so it’s not an invasion of privacy i would argue and honestly, it sounds like you’ll need some time to get over her but it’s for the best
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nta. you didn't do anything wrong. i think she's been wanting to break up for awhile and she just used this as a excuse. many people will do this so they wont look like the bad guy.
anyone supporting her should go pound pavement.
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nta, abusive and controlling? because you counted how many times she mopped or did the dishes? she was the one being abusive and just upset you outed her, and i wouldn't be surprised if she emotionally manipulated her friends to side with her just like she emotionally manipulated you.
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esh, because she's being a little ridiculous in the face of hard facts, but you made a classic relationship mistake--valuing your stake in the argument over diplomacy. you could have proposed that you both sit down and look at the videos. besides, if you really wanna get scientific about it, did you also factor in who spends more time at home? who spends the money and energy to restock supplies? you can go in endless circles over whether the duties are evenly split on paper, *or* you can have an honest discussion with your partner about realisitic expectations and problem-solving--without relying on an unproductive "gotcha!" moment.
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nta.
if anne wasn’t aware the cameras were there, sure, i could see her having a point. but if you know you’re being recorded, you know the person you’re living with has access to those recordings, (while it may be out of the ordinary) it’s certainly not asshole behavior for your partner to actually go over said recordings.
my guess is this relationship was on the rocks and this is all anne needed to justify leaving.
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nta. she was wrong, she's embarrassed, so she's leaving. this isn't on you.
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gonna be downvoted to hell, but yta for starters for calling lack of self-awareness "gaslighting." she honestly probably thought that she was taking the slack and you weren't. we all remember our own good deeds and other people's misses more than vice versa, so she mistakenly thought you weren't pulling your weight.
if you really thought it was gaslighting, you would have left long ago - ywbta not to - and not been writing about how heartbroken you were now.
yta as well for doing the thing *before* telling her. no one likes their private moments being reviewed by others, even those they share those private moments by, without their permission. if you'd said what you were thinking about doing and said that she had no right to complain if she didn't allow you to look, that'd be one thing. but instead you looked at your intimate moments without her in order to provide a "gotcha" moment rather than acting like a man, acting like a team, and just using a chore log or chore wheel like a normal couple.
oh, and yta because you never would have mentioned your surreptitious review of your life together had you been wrong.
she's just kind of a jerk - but human - in complaining you're not pulling your weight when you were because of her utter lack of self-awareness. and borderline ta for doing it with growing intensity. and it would have been a crappy move if she'd said that no one can look at the tapes under any conditions to confirm her suspicions. it also sucks that she's blowing up a relationship as long as your for an invasion of privacy that is only arguably an invasion of privacy.
but, dude, there's a reason that your *friends* think you're the party who's in the wrong, and only internet strangers are standing up for you. you can't get more ["this sub is moving towards a value system that frequently doesn't align with the rest of the world](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/top/?t=all)["](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/top/?t=all) without a nipple popping up somewhere in the post. yta
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nta she was clearly trying to get you to break up with her
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as long as she knew about the cameras (which you made it seem like she did) then nta.
to me it looks like she was already looking for a way out and she thought she could pin it in you not helping around the house, which is a pretty common complaint against male partners. she was trying to find a reason to get mad at you, possibly make you get mad at her, and have that be a "legitimate" reason for one of you to end the relationship. easier to end a relationship with someone you're mad at.
it's a super immature, but i would say decently common, tactic for someone who wants out of an otherwise fine relationship to initiate a breakup.
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esh- quarantine is clearly giving all of us a little too much time on our hands. good lord.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.193649 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf anne (25f) and i (25m) have been dating the past 5 years, since college. after graduation, we were semi-long distance, living close enough that we alternately visited almost every weekend. in 2018, anne got a job in my city, and we found a place and moved in together. now’s a good time to mention the security cameras in our house: break-ins are unfortunately common where we live. we thus got some motion activated cameras, one of which has a view of our kitchen (to monitor the back door). the cameras only record when there’s motion so they can retain footage for a very long time. anne of course knows this. about a year ago, anne started complaining i wasn’t contributing equally to chores. i’ve been obsessive about chores my whole life; growing up, not doing the dishes meant no videogames for a week. when i lived with roommates, i was always the chore nazi, making damn sure we all stuck to our chore wheel. anne is just as fastidious about chores, so we just naturally alternated who did what. i’d just been brushing her remarks off, but over the last few months they’ve become much more aggressive, e.g. i was vacuuming and anne said “look at you finally cleaning up around here!” i replied that we alternated vacuuming, to which she retorted “no, you’ve vacuumed maybe twice since i moved in.” exchanges like this have been happening so frequently that i began to doubt my own recollection; am i not as clean as i thought? finally, she exploded at me last week. she said that having to stay home constantly over the past weeks exposed how little i do around the house, and that she didn’t move in just to be my maid. questioning my own sanity, i spent a few hours going through the entire 1.5 year archive of security camera footage, and tallied the exact number of times the kitchen cam caught each of us doing dishes. our cleaning supplies (vacuum/mop/etc.) are in the kitchen pantry, so i also tallied up how many times we grabbed cleaning stuff. to my vindication, the tally showed that we indeed split chores equally. she vacuumed/mopped \~5 more times than i did; i did dishes \~20 more times than she did. given that we vacuum/mop at least once a week and do dishes at least every day, these are insignificant differences over the year and a half we’ve lived together. when i confronted anne, she shrugged off her behavior as “remembering things differently,” but the real sin here was what *i* did, which she called an “unforgivable violation of *her* privacy,” akin to abusive stalking. she has broken up with me and is trying to move out, although obviously this is difficult due to current circumstances. i’m totally heartbroken - anne was the love of my life and i can’t believe she destroyed our relationship like this. to make matters worse, she told many of our friends, who are mostly siding with her! they’ve been texting me that what i did was creepy, abusive, controlling, invasive, etc. i’m at a loss; i’m beginning to think i’m the one who’s off base here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf anne (25f) and i (25m) have been dating the past 5 years, since college. after graduation, we were semi-long distance, living close enough that we alternately visited almost every weekend. in 2018, anne got a job in my city, and we found a place and moved in together. now’s a good time to mention the security cameras in our house: break-ins are unfortunately common where we live. we thus got some motion activated cameras, one of which has a view of our kitchen (to monitor the back door). the cameras only record when there’s motion so they can retain footage for a very long time. anne of course knows this. about a year ago, anne started complaining i wasn’t contributing equally to chores. i’ve been obsessive about chores my whole life; growing up, not doing the dishes meant no videogames for a week. when i lived with roommates, i was always the chore nazi, making damn sure we all stuck to our chore wheel. anne is just as fastidious about chores, so we just naturally alternated who did what. i’d just been brushing her remarks off, but over the last few months they’ve become much more aggressive, e.g. i was vacuuming and anne said “look at you finally cleaning up around here!” i replied that we alternated vacuuming, to which she retorted “no, you’ve vacuumed maybe twice since i moved in.” exchanges like this have been happening so frequently that i began to doubt my own recollection; am i not as clean as i thought? finally, she exploded at me last week. she said that having to stay home constantly over the past weeks exposed how little i do around the house, and that she didn’t move in just to be my maid. questioning my own sanity, i spent a few hours going through the entire 1.5 year archive of security camera footage, and tallied the exact number of times the kitchen cam caught each of us doing dishes. our cleaning supplies (vacuum/mop/etc.) are in the kitchen pantry, so i also tallied up how many times we grabbed cleaning stuff. to my vindication, the tally showed that we indeed split chores equally. she vacuumed/mopped \~5 more times than i did; i did dishes \~20 more times than she did. given that we vacuum/mop at least once a week and do dishes at least every day, these are insignificant differences over the year and a half we’ve lived together. when i confronted anne, she shrugged off her behavior as “remembering things differently,” but the real sin here was what *i* did, which she called an “unforgivable violation of *her* privacy,” akin to abusive stalking. she has broken up with me and is trying to move out, although obviously this is difficult due to current circumstances. i’m totally heartbroken - anne was the love of my life and i can’t believe she destroyed our relationship like this. to make matters worse, she told many of our friends, who are mostly siding with her! they’ve been texting me that what i did was creepy, abusive, controlling, invasive, etc. i’m at a loss; i’m beginning to think i’m the one who’s off base here. [/INST] nta she has been accusing you of not pulling your weight and you pulled hard proof that you were. she knew about the cameras so it’s not an invasion of privacy i would argue and honestly, it sounds like you’ll need some time to get over her but it’s for the best </s>
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AITA for telling my family to stop celebrating?
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6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii.
maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things.
that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better.
i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie.
i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me.
aita?
| 24,256 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hugvzj/aita_for_telling_my_family_to_stop_celebrating/
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2020-07-20 07:11:01
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nta
your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up.
but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief.
might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support.
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nta, your family celebrated a cash cow and didn’t even acknowledge your loss. make sure they never see a penny of it btw, clearly they’ve got as much sense as mashed potato.
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nta whatsoever. it sounds like you and maggie brought each other such immense happiness and joy, and that warms my heart so incredibly.
your family is being immensely insensitive.
info, tho: how old are you?
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nta. i am sorry for your loss.
advice: be very very careful of telling people you have that kind of money when you can access it and allow no one any of the bank information, even family. my entire, very large, family no longer speaks to each other over money left to my mom who cared for her mother her entire adult life. it can make the nicest people absolute monsters. also, invest a lot in a retirement account with good interest. you will thank yourself when you can retire 10 years early and do whatever the heck you want. a prenuptial if you get married is also wise.
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i'll say nah.
it's obvious you're hurt and in pain to have lost someone you were close to, and i understand why you would want maggie back rather than having her money.
on the other hand, being able to send you and your brother to college might have been one of your parent's biggest worry. learning that, thanks to maggie, your college fund is being taken care of must be a huge relief for them, because it means you could go and do whatever you want in college. their financial health won't decide which college you will attend.
and it's clear that they weren't as close to maggie as you were. so they might not share your pain.
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nta, while money is nice money isn’t everything and you are grieving. your family should have know and respected that.
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nta
would i be corrected in assuming you'd prefer to spend more time with maggie than lots of money?
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nah- they may not have realized that you would feel so deeply about a 94 year old's death. many kids like elderly people but aren't as close as you were with her. it's a very special connection you had. if your family has real financial strain or otherwise low opportunity, i understand their reaction. it's a shame, and of course i don't blame you for being upset with them, i just understand the practicality.
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im surprised that her nephew is not fighting the will
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can we a have a picture of the cat blue? :3
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
6 years ago i met the best person in the world. she was a sweet old lady that moved in next door, named maggie. maggie taught me how to knit, we watch mamas family together, i helped her give her cat her medicine, i helped water her plants when she got to frail to do it herself. she knitted me a hat for every holiday., i helped her install wifi. maggie was a nurse in wwii. maggie passed away 3 months ago at the age of 94. she went peacefully in her sleep, and it is the heartbreak of my life. about two weeks after she died, i noticed a man walking into maggie’s house. maggie didn’t have any family except for a nephew, who lived across the country. i went up to him and asked who he was, and he said he was going to clean out his aunts things. that was the end of that until yesterday. maggie’s nephew had rung my doorbell, and had told me that maggie left me most everything she had in her will. maggie left me 1 million dollars in a account i can open when i turn 18, most of her personal effects, and her cat, blue. who i rescued two days after she died and kept. she wrote me and her nephew letters. she said some stuff i would rather not share. it tore me up about maggie even more. she was such a gentle soul and she deserved better. i started crying, and i told my parents. they started celebrating about it immediately. i asked them to stop. and they did, until today they presented me with a cake, that said “hey, you get to go to college!”. to say that it made me upset is a understatement. i get that maggie’s money is a life changing thing, but i would much rather have maggie. i told them to stop celebrating then i went to my room to hold blue and cry. my brother knocked on my door and told me i was being a asshole because our parents are just happy for me. aita? [/INST] nta your parents are being insensitive. they probably are just happy for you but never learned proper empathy for situations like this. they may be trying (in the worst way possible) to cheer you up. but regardless they're going about this wrong and not letting you have your grief. might be worth trying to talk to a therapist or someone about this since none of your family are giving you proper support. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again?
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i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18.
what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family.
the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell.
amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her.
i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did.
he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing).
aita?
| 24,979 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbzs2z/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_be_ashamed/
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2022-06-14 09:43:24
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nta. your husband doesn't understand it :(
he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart.
it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory.
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nta but your husband certainly is. amy most certainly was not entitled to her stepsister's dead mother's jewellery.
you are married to an a grade ah.
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nta
losing a parent at a young age is bad enough and not having your remaining parent respect your boundaries when it comes to items of the deceased parent is just terrible. op did nothing wrong and spoke the truth to her husband. he has no one to blame but himself that he doesn’t have a relationship with his eldest daughter. to gild the lily, he then chose to bring his family into the argument with you which is never good.
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nta: the necklace was likely just the big flashpoint, there's a lot more to the story that you might never know. it's likely that annie was not given what she needed emotionally after her mother's death. how long after the death of annie:s mom, did your husband marry his second wife?
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nta they don’t sound they have morals. omg who in their right mind takes their child’s inheritance and give it to another just like that and acts that the did something wrong. i feel this is a red flag 🚩
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i hope you don’t have kids, that’ll make the inevitable divorce a lot trickier.
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nta. geez, what would he do with your things? do you have children?
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nta for all the reasons you mention. how callous of your husband and his family to do such a thing. they knowing kept that vital piece of information away from you bc they all knew they were the ahs.
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nta
i would consider reevaluating your relationship. it shows that your husband is not a good father and that’s a major red flag. he, his second wife, and daughter collectively created this persona that annie was this monster. it also show he was probably dismissive of annie, i mean what kind of person gives a necklace of his deceased wife to someone other than her daughter. the mother of amy is no better, i think this shows you the lack of sentiment he has and highlights some repulsive qualities. i couldn’t fathom being married to a man like that. and the fact he has no problem with no contact with one of his daughters shows he doesn’t care. thank god you don’t have kids with him and please don’t ever. he obviously doesn’t know how to raise them. and his family is just like him. i hope you reach out to annie, am i know this is petty but somehow steal the necklace and give it to her. i just can’t imagine how painful that situation must’ve been to her. she needs someone to look out for her. hopefully you leave this guy and can build a relationship with annie
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nta
this is horrible advice and you should ignore me, but if amy let the necklace get into a bad way, does that mean she doesn't take care of it and her 'losing' it would be believable?
because that would be a huge shame.
and those cousins being able to secretly get it back to annie would also be absolutely terrible.
but i have no idea of the legal ramifications that could come from such a terrible sequence of events.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita? [/INST] nta. your husband doesn't understand it :( he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart. it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory. </s>
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AITA for insisting that my paternal grandfather be at my wedding, despite everyone else in my family being vehemently opposed to it?
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i (23f) am getting married soon to my fiance (26m).
growing up i knew three of my grandparents; both of my maternal grandparents but just my parternal grandmother. all i ever heard of my paternal grandfather (who's 74 now) was that he was a bad guy; a womanizer and an alcoholic who had mistreated my father and his brothers. my father especially hates him and filled my head with bad things about him from the time that i was young, but his mom--my grandmother--also only ever badmouthed him whenever i asked about him.
i always wanted to meet my grandfather just once. i guess i was just curious--after all, the man did supply a quarter of my dna. finally in my sophmore year of college i managed to track him down and contacted him. he was really excited to hear from me and we ended up getting lunch together. during the meeting he laid it all out on the table; yes, he had been a horrible husband and father. he said though that he had changed and no longer touched alcohol. he was really interested in hearing about me, my siblings, my father and his brothers, and his ex-wife. he told me that he was retired and had done well for himself financially and that he knew i was in college and so if i ever needed any help to please let him know.
i ended up having to take him up on that offer a couple of times. but i also just kept in regular contact with him and came to absolutely adore the man. my grandma, father, and paternal uncles hate him for whatever reason. they have their reasons. but to me he's nothing other than a kindly old man who i'm related to and who i've come to love.
anyway; i want him at my wedding. pretty much everyone is against it, including my younger brother and sister. in fact, the rest of my family are pretty upset with me about this. i get it, but i think he's almost become an overhyped boogeyman to my family. i can't help but wonder if a lot of it was my paternal grandmother being bitter that her marriage didn't work out and filling her sons' heads with her resentment. but, even my mom and maternal grandparents are against him coming though they've never even met the man. my fiance just says "if they are that against it they must have a reason. let's just go with the majority on this one" even though he's met the man himself and likes him just fine. so aita for not just going with the group on this one and insisting that my grandpa who i love be at my wedding?
| 3,561 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t8n031/aita_for_insisting_that_my_paternal_grandfather/
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2022-03-07 11:16:31
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yta.
so this man has acknowledged he was abusive and he's done nothing to make amends.
he also uses you to find out about family who don't want contact.
i think you need to work on your empathy because it's hard to believe you can't see how difficult this would be for some members of your family.
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“other peoples abuse isn’t valid because he was nice to me”
yta.
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yta. way to downplay the suffering of others because you never experienced anything bad from this man. i’ve grown up around a lot of alcoholics. they’re very bad people in the home. violent, cruel, hateful. but out in public, they’re kind and charismatic. my step father has sooo many friends and is very popular among his colleagues. everyone has nice things to say about him. yet, behind closed doors, the beast is unleashed. i don’t even remember how many times the police have gone to my house. cps was involved. a restraining order was put in place and violated. and yet, you would never know unless you lived there. so sincerely, you suck for downplaying the abuse of others.
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yta - clearly you have never been subjected to sharing your life with an alcoholic if you are so easy to dismiss their feelings. this man traumatized and victimized them, and you want to subject them to their abuser.
if he’s truly changed, why hasn’t he reached out and tried to amend the things he’s done in the past?
maybe try to include him in your life in a different way, but if he recognizes the fact that he put them through this trauma, he should understand that you can’t have him at your wedding.
if my sister invited my abuser to her wedding, i would not be attending.
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why do you want the most uncomfortable wedding ever?
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you invite whoever you want at your wedding. that said, yta. big time.
this man mistreated your father, his siblings, and his wife, and you write here that it was all just blown out of proportion, he's not that bad, and they hate him for no reason.
you don't get to minimise or doubt abuse victims' experiences just because you haven't experienced it yourself.
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yta. you don't get to diminish their pain and fear of h and everything he did to them. you didn't see it or feel it so you don't get comment on it. yes it's your wedding. but going against the majority of your family isn't wise. it's hurtful and cruel and can tear your family apart. if he had truly changed and acknowledges the pian he caused he would know it's a terrible idea to come to your wedding.
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yta , he may not have grown into a different person but he didn't change in time to save your family from some pretty deep scars. i think you should explain to your grandfather you really wish you coukd invite him but so many people are not ready to forgive him and you can't hurt them by having him there. maybe you could compromise and have a camera and him watch the ceremony from his own home insead . just a suggestion. its your wedding but you arw choosing one new person in your life over everyone else and you really need to make the right choice. i am sure your grandfather would understand.
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yta
people who are important to you don't want him there. it's not going to work out. best case scenario, everyone is quite uncomfortable rather than being able to relax and focus on *you* and your love and the meaning of the ceremony and the fun of the reception. worst case scenario, you've created a drama-fest instead of the wedding you were hoping for.
the only maybe way to pull it off is to have everyone meet him and get to know him in advance, and then convince everyone that he's fine. that just seems like a big leap, though.
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you need to accept that the person you know is different to the person they knew. it's not bad/wrong for you to like/love him and have a good relationship with him, but yta 100% for downplaying the abuse your father and other family experienced.
see it from their side. you are taking the side of a man who hurt them in many ways over many years, and then effectively calling them liars abd exaggerators. that is really not ok.
it may be possible for each side to accept that the other has a different relationship with this person (you should start this), but that will be very difficult for people who most likely still carry trauma and a degree of fear with them because of what he did.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) am getting married soon to my fiance (26m). growing up i knew three of my grandparents; both of my maternal grandparents but just my parternal grandmother. all i ever heard of my paternal grandfather (who's 74 now) was that he was a bad guy; a womanizer and an alcoholic who had mistreated my father and his brothers. my father especially hates him and filled my head with bad things about him from the time that i was young, but his mom--my grandmother--also only ever badmouthed him whenever i asked about him. i always wanted to meet my grandfather just once. i guess i was just curious--after all, the man did supply a quarter of my dna. finally in my sophmore year of college i managed to track him down and contacted him. he was really excited to hear from me and we ended up getting lunch together. during the meeting he laid it all out on the table; yes, he had been a horrible husband and father. he said though that he had changed and no longer touched alcohol. he was really interested in hearing about me, my siblings, my father and his brothers, and his ex-wife. he told me that he was retired and had done well for himself financially and that he knew i was in college and so if i ever needed any help to please let him know. i ended up having to take him up on that offer a couple of times. but i also just kept in regular contact with him and came to absolutely adore the man. my grandma, father, and paternal uncles hate him for whatever reason. they have their reasons. but to me he's nothing other than a kindly old man who i'm related to and who i've come to love. anyway; i want him at my wedding. pretty much everyone is against it, including my younger brother and sister. in fact, the rest of my family are pretty upset with me about this. i get it, but i think he's almost become an overhyped boogeyman to my family. i can't help but wonder if a lot of it was my paternal grandmother being bitter that her marriage didn't work out and filling her sons' heads with her resentment. but, even my mom and maternal grandparents are against him coming though they've never even met the man. my fiance just says "if they are that against it they must have a reason. let's just go with the majority on this one" even though he's met the man himself and likes him just fine. so aita for not just going with the group on this one and insisting that my grandpa who i love be at my wedding?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) am getting married soon to my fiance (26m). growing up i knew three of my grandparents; both of my maternal grandparents but just my parternal grandmother. all i ever heard of my paternal grandfather (who's 74 now) was that he was a bad guy; a womanizer and an alcoholic who had mistreated my father and his brothers. my father especially hates him and filled my head with bad things about him from the time that i was young, but his mom--my grandmother--also only ever badmouthed him whenever i asked about him. i always wanted to meet my grandfather just once. i guess i was just curious--after all, the man did supply a quarter of my dna. finally in my sophmore year of college i managed to track him down and contacted him. he was really excited to hear from me and we ended up getting lunch together. during the meeting he laid it all out on the table; yes, he had been a horrible husband and father. he said though that he had changed and no longer touched alcohol. he was really interested in hearing about me, my siblings, my father and his brothers, and his ex-wife. he told me that he was retired and had done well for himself financially and that he knew i was in college and so if i ever needed any help to please let him know. i ended up having to take him up on that offer a couple of times. but i also just kept in regular contact with him and came to absolutely adore the man. my grandma, father, and paternal uncles hate him for whatever reason. they have their reasons. but to me he's nothing other than a kindly old man who i'm related to and who i've come to love. anyway; i want him at my wedding. pretty much everyone is against it, including my younger brother and sister. in fact, the rest of my family are pretty upset with me about this. i get it, but i think he's almost become an overhyped boogeyman to my family. i can't help but wonder if a lot of it was my paternal grandmother being bitter that her marriage didn't work out and filling her sons' heads with her resentment. but, even my mom and maternal grandparents are against him coming though they've never even met the man. my fiance just says "if they are that against it they must have a reason. let's just go with the majority on this one" even though he's met the man himself and likes him just fine. so aita for not just going with the group on this one and insisting that my grandpa who i love be at my wedding? [/INST] yta. so this man has acknowledged he was abusive and he's done nothing to make amends. he also uses you to find out about family who don't want contact. i think you need to work on your empathy because it's hard to believe you can't see how difficult this would be for some members of your family. </s>
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AITA for asking my gf to get rid of her dog?
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throwaway because she has reddit.
so me (m23) and my girlfriend (f21) have been dating for two years and we’ve moved in together three months ago.
my girlfriend was living with her mother prior and they had a dog for four years, when we were talking about moving in together, she begged me to let her bring her dog and she said she would pay the pet deposit and i wouldn’t have to clean up after her, and i never had a pet before but i agreed. but after living with them for three months, i don’t think i want the dog around anymore.
typically, when i would go to her old house, she would lock the dog out of her bedroom to spend time with me, but now the dog is just everywhere. at night, she’d rather cuddle with the dog than me. she’s takes it for three walks a day, and most times she brings it for car rides and then makes me go into whatever store alone so she can sit in the car with the dog. where ever my girlfriend goes in the house, the dog follows, and if my girlfriend sits or lays down, the dogs sits or lays down with her. and i swear when she comes home, she kisses the dogs face like 20 times before she gives me one single kiss.
i asked her last week why she’s so obsessed with her dog and she replied that her family was never affectionate or made her feel safe so when she got the dog and it loved her and wanted to be with her all the time, she and the dog became “best friends.” if that’s the case she shouldn’t need the dog anymore because i’m here now to love her and keep her safe.
would i be an asshole if i asked her to give the dog back to her mother?
| 4,265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gyo5b0/aita_for_asking_my_gf_to_get_rid_of_her_dog/
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2020-06-08 00:15:51
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yta. do her a favour and break up with her, the resentment will drive you two apart in the future anyway.
i have had a dog for 7 years, through 4 bad breakups. those guys are gone, but my dog is still here, and i wouldn't have it any other way.
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yta - i’d leave you before i’d get rid of my pet. you already know how this will end.
and lol @ the comment about her walking her dog 3 times a day. the nerve.
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so..... you’re jealous of the dog? yta
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yta. you complain that she takes dog for 3 walks a day. trust me, you would complain much more if she didn’t!
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yta- dude, that is dog ownership. you have to care for it, give it attention, and feed and walk it. imagine it someone only let you go to the bathroom three times a day and you had to plan accordingly? and is it surprising that the dog gets kisses when the dog obviously loves someone who loves it, and follows her when she is its whole world? this is literally what owning a dog is, there is nothing weird or unusual about this. if you can't handle this, you need to date someone who doesn't want pets.
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yta big time if you ask her to do that. she told you that the dog provides her affection and a feeling of safety. you saying you are here now to provide her with that makes you sound insanely jealous of the dog.
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yta. you’re jealous of a dog. get over yourself.
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yta. your girlfriend sounds like a really good pet owner. why are you jealous of a dog? it doesn’t really matter what you do though. either you try to stick it out with the dog and grow to resent your gf, ending the relationship, or you give her an ultimatum and she chooses the dog, also ending the relationship.
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yes, yta if you ask a person to give away a dog that isn't violent or neglected and you're not allergic to. it's pretty clear that the dog is her emotional support animal, possibly a stand in for the therapy she needed (probably still needs) and getting rid of it is going to likely leave her an emotional wreck.
i think you need to accept that she and the dog are a package deal, but she also needs to come to terms with the fact that you want a relationship with a girlfriend, not a roommate and occasional (i presume) fuck buddy. that means that you need cuddles on the couch, you need company on shopping trips, and you need to be able to share a bed with just your girlfriend sometimes... without a canine plus one.
in other words, you're ta if you turn this into a no-dog ultimatum, but not if you have a serious conversation about what you both want emotionally out of your relationship and insist on reaching a compromise that meets both your needs.
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yta - she has had the dog longer than you have been together. you know her bond with her dog and you want her to get rid cause you are jealous? that's horrible.
have you even talked to her about having some couple time? maybe suggesting some part of the house are off limits to the dog. eg your bedroom
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because she has reddit. so me (m23) and my girlfriend (f21) have been dating for two years and we’ve moved in together three months ago. my girlfriend was living with her mother prior and they had a dog for four years, when we were talking about moving in together, she begged me to let her bring her dog and she said she would pay the pet deposit and i wouldn’t have to clean up after her, and i never had a pet before but i agreed. but after living with them for three months, i don’t think i want the dog around anymore. typically, when i would go to her old house, she would lock the dog out of her bedroom to spend time with me, but now the dog is just everywhere. at night, she’d rather cuddle with the dog than me. she’s takes it for three walks a day, and most times she brings it for car rides and then makes me go into whatever store alone so she can sit in the car with the dog. where ever my girlfriend goes in the house, the dog follows, and if my girlfriend sits or lays down, the dogs sits or lays down with her. and i swear when she comes home, she kisses the dogs face like 20 times before she gives me one single kiss. i asked her last week why she’s so obsessed with her dog and she replied that her family was never affectionate or made her feel safe so when she got the dog and it loved her and wanted to be with her all the time, she and the dog became “best friends.” if that’s the case she shouldn’t need the dog anymore because i’m here now to love her and keep her safe. would i be an asshole if i asked her to give the dog back to her mother?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because she has reddit. so me (m23) and my girlfriend (f21) have been dating for two years and we’ve moved in together three months ago. my girlfriend was living with her mother prior and they had a dog for four years, when we were talking about moving in together, she begged me to let her bring her dog and she said she would pay the pet deposit and i wouldn’t have to clean up after her, and i never had a pet before but i agreed. but after living with them for three months, i don’t think i want the dog around anymore. typically, when i would go to her old house, she would lock the dog out of her bedroom to spend time with me, but now the dog is just everywhere. at night, she’d rather cuddle with the dog than me. she’s takes it for three walks a day, and most times she brings it for car rides and then makes me go into whatever store alone so she can sit in the car with the dog. where ever my girlfriend goes in the house, the dog follows, and if my girlfriend sits or lays down, the dogs sits or lays down with her. and i swear when she comes home, she kisses the dogs face like 20 times before she gives me one single kiss. i asked her last week why she’s so obsessed with her dog and she replied that her family was never affectionate or made her feel safe so when she got the dog and it loved her and wanted to be with her all the time, she and the dog became “best friends.” if that’s the case she shouldn’t need the dog anymore because i’m here now to love her and keep her safe. would i be an asshole if i asked her to give the dog back to her mother? [/INST] yta. do her a favour and break up with her, the resentment will drive you two apart in the future anyway. i have had a dog for 7 years, through 4 bad breakups. those guys are gone, but my dog is still here, and i wouldn't have it any other way. </s>
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AITA for bringing my child to my sister's wedding?
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i (33f) have a son alfie (9m). my sister erinn (26f) just got married. on the invitations she asked that the wedding remain childfree. i don't personally agree with childfree weddings but i respect erinn's choice and i arranged for my friend to come up and watch alfie for the day.
the day of the wedding my friend called me and told me she was really sorry but wasn't feeling well and didn't think she would be up to watching alfie. i really do appreciate her being mindful of that (especially as she ended up finding out it's covid). but it left me in an inconvenient place because that was the only option i had even thought to line up and i had to leave at noon (friend called at 6:30). i really didn't know what else to do so i ended up taking alfie with me.
it was a big wedding so i didn't end up talking to erinn until the reception, which is good because she was pissed at me. she reminded me again that this wedding was not for kids, and for good reason seeing as me and my parents were "too focused on alfie". he's a 9yo boy at a grown-up wedding he didn't know he was going to, i hardly think it's reasonable for us to not acknowledge him and how well he's doing. i said my sitter fell through and erinn's husband said "that's not our problem."
she was just not going to drop this regardless of what explanation i gave, so my mom ended up taking alfie home with her while dad stayed at wedding. at that point the mood had been ruined and i was honestly just over it all so i just left.
erinn is still claiming i owe her an apology, i'm not sure what for as it's not like i maliciously foisted alfie on her. if she can't be civil to and about a little boy i think that says far more about her. and she has a 4mo daughter and she was there, so it wasn't even childfree on erinn's part either. i just want to know if i am really an ah here.
| 6,892 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pus2uz/aita_for_bringing_my_child_to_my_sisters_wedding/
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2021-09-24 20:37:53
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yta - and how come your mom took alfie home, and you stayed? damn, i’d be mad too if my mom left to babysit your child on my wedding day.
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yta - your mom ended leaving her own daughter’s wedding just to babysit your kid. honestly selfish of you. because for me, that would be the one person i would want at my wedding the most.
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yta, it said child free. if you can’t get a sitter then you respect the couples wishes and don’t go. and just send them a note hey sorry i couldn’t go, sitter fell through and i didn’t want to be disrespectful
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you should have texted your sister and parents the moment you found out you had no sitter. that way a last minute local (to the wedding) arrangement may have been made, or your sister would have understood why you weren't there.
yta and apologise, you took the worst option and didn't even communicate.
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yta you didnt even let her know how can you think youre not in the wrong?
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yta and i can’t believe you let your mother leave just to babysit for you. of course her own daughter was there, that’s her baby, she didn’t want anyone else’s children there as is her right at her wedding. when someone says an event is childfree it’s not just a suggestion.
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yta, when the invitation says no kids, that means no kids. why didnt you just call your sister to inform her of your sitter couldnt make it anymore and ask her what she wanted you to do?
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yta you had other options, like not going, or calling/ texting your sister and asking her want she would prefer you do. of course she is mad, she wanted her parents focused on her for a day, not her sister who apparently is lacking in reading comprehension skills.
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yta
the wedding was child-free. that means no kids. the bride and groom making an exception ***for their own infant*** absolutely does not count as the wedding not actually being child-free.
>erinn’s husband said “that’s not our problem.”
he is right. your sitter problem is not their problem. and does not give you the right to bring someone who was explicitly not invited to their wedding. it is unfortunate that your sitter got sick, but that doesn’t change the fact that your kid wasn’t allowed at the wedding.
it seems pretty clear that alfie was having some behavioral issues if it was noticeable to the bride and groom that not only you but also both of your parents were “too focused” on him and the clause that “he’s a 9 year old boy at a grown-up wedding he didn’t know he was going to.” his behavior may not have been terrible, but he obviously at the least certainly didn’t blend into the crowd.
>erinn is still claiming i owe her an apology
**because you do.**
>if she can’t be civil to and about a little boy i think that says far more about her.
nothing you’ve said here indicates she wasn’t civil. she told **you** that you shouldn’t have brought him when he hadn’t been invited. she didn’t say anything to him, she said it to you. and what she said was completely appropriate. you brought a kid to a wedding you knew was child-free. he wasn’t invited. you brought him anyhow. his presence disrupted the wedding and made your sister’s mom leave the reception early to take care of your kid. ok, yes, your mom offered to take him home. the correct response to that would have been to say no and take him home yourself. along with bringing him in the first place, you then let your mom miss part of her daughter’s wedding because of your self-centeredness.
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yta. you can’t just bring an uninvited guest to a wedding *without trying a single other option or calling ahead to anyone* first. there were *five and a half hours* in which you could have figured out another plan and it was really selfish to not bother even attempting a plan b.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (33f) have a son alfie (9m). my sister erinn (26f) just got married. on the invitations she asked that the wedding remain childfree. i don't personally agree with childfree weddings but i respect erinn's choice and i arranged for my friend to come up and watch alfie for the day. the day of the wedding my friend called me and told me she was really sorry but wasn't feeling well and didn't think she would be up to watching alfie. i really do appreciate her being mindful of that (especially as she ended up finding out it's covid). but it left me in an inconvenient place because that was the only option i had even thought to line up and i had to leave at noon (friend called at 6:30). i really didn't know what else to do so i ended up taking alfie with me. it was a big wedding so i didn't end up talking to erinn until the reception, which is good because she was pissed at me. she reminded me again that this wedding was not for kids, and for good reason seeing as me and my parents were "too focused on alfie". he's a 9yo boy at a grown-up wedding he didn't know he was going to, i hardly think it's reasonable for us to not acknowledge him and how well he's doing. i said my sitter fell through and erinn's husband said "that's not our problem." she was just not going to drop this regardless of what explanation i gave, so my mom ended up taking alfie home with her while dad stayed at wedding. at that point the mood had been ruined and i was honestly just over it all so i just left. erinn is still claiming i owe her an apology, i'm not sure what for as it's not like i maliciously foisted alfie on her. if she can't be civil to and about a little boy i think that says far more about her. and she has a 4mo daughter and she was there, so it wasn't even childfree on erinn's part either. i just want to know if i am really an ah here.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (33f) have a son alfie (9m). my sister erinn (26f) just got married. on the invitations she asked that the wedding remain childfree. i don't personally agree with childfree weddings but i respect erinn's choice and i arranged for my friend to come up and watch alfie for the day. the day of the wedding my friend called me and told me she was really sorry but wasn't feeling well and didn't think she would be up to watching alfie. i really do appreciate her being mindful of that (especially as she ended up finding out it's covid). but it left me in an inconvenient place because that was the only option i had even thought to line up and i had to leave at noon (friend called at 6:30). i really didn't know what else to do so i ended up taking alfie with me. it was a big wedding so i didn't end up talking to erinn until the reception, which is good because she was pissed at me. she reminded me again that this wedding was not for kids, and for good reason seeing as me and my parents were "too focused on alfie". he's a 9yo boy at a grown-up wedding he didn't know he was going to, i hardly think it's reasonable for us to not acknowledge him and how well he's doing. i said my sitter fell through and erinn's husband said "that's not our problem." she was just not going to drop this regardless of what explanation i gave, so my mom ended up taking alfie home with her while dad stayed at wedding. at that point the mood had been ruined and i was honestly just over it all so i just left. erinn is still claiming i owe her an apology, i'm not sure what for as it's not like i maliciously foisted alfie on her. if she can't be civil to and about a little boy i think that says far more about her. and she has a 4mo daughter and she was there, so it wasn't even childfree on erinn's part either. i just want to know if i am really an ah here. [/INST] yta - and how come your mom took alfie home, and you stayed? damn, i’d be mad too if my mom left to babysit your child on my wedding day. </s>
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