submission_title
stringlengths 21
221
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 3.34k
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 73
106
| submission_date
stringdate 2019-01-01 13:47:56
2022-12-31 19:17:44
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 19
729
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
3.06k
| top_comment_3
stringlengths 3
4.65k
| top_comment_4
stringlengths 4
5.05k
| top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
3.67k
| top_comment_6
stringlengths 8
3.81k
| top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.55k
| top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
3.69k
| top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
3.96k
| top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
3.43k
| top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 2
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 242
3.63k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 313
4.01k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA for making an uncomfortable joke when my friend told me her dinner table was full with family?
|
over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil.
my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active.
i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members)
i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves.
she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude.
aita?
| 25,765 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r1zz18/aita_for_making_an_uncomfortable_joke_when_my/
|
2021-11-25 16:11:54
|
nta its your family so you get to make jokes about it.
if it makes her uncomfortable its her problem, i would be uncomfertable with her saying how big her family is.
take care op and sorry for your loses
|
your friend sounds like an ah playing the game of ‘i have more fam than you’ which is fucking weird and very insensitive.
nta. your joke made her uncomfortable because you called her out on her bullshit.
|
nta
you could reply
"that you are surprised she is uncomfortable with your morbid joke because since she keeps bringing up and going on about how small your family is knowing full well that the reason for that is they are all dead. if it is ok for her to keep referencing your deceased relatives and her live ones then surely it's ok for you to have a sense of humour about it."
follow up with "actually, i am glad this has come up because in fact it upsets me when you keep pointing out how small my family is, because they are all dead and the black humour this time was a coping mechanism. how about you stop going on about it then i won't need to make dark jokes as a defence."
|
nta
as someone who has very little living family left, i may have to borrow your joke. inadvertent or not, it is hilarious.
your friend is a tad bit out of touch with your feelings, and i have a feeling that it's not by accident. she's boasting in a passive manner and i would definitely call her on it. don't allow her to pin her inconsiderate behavior on you. if she was uncomfortable with the joke then good. now she knows what you feel like when she's cracking her big family "jokes," and claiming that it comes from a place of innocence.
|
there's no way a joke that mild made her uncomfortable. she's upset you called her out for her poor attitude and is trying to make you the bad guy.
nta
|
i think your comment was fucking brilliant and consider you are a bit of a legend. your way is so much more effective than trying to catch her at being thoughtless or suggest she is being passive aggressive! how sad for her that her only onemanship opportunity is ‘not dead over here’. nta
|
info: have you asked her not to say things like that before? because someone who does not understand severe, lossful grief does not automatically realize being sensitive to something means never to mention it. it seems like common sense, but apparently it’s not
|
nta. she's made rude remarks about your family in the past, she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.
what you said was funny anyway, i'd laugh if someone said that to me.
|
nta that's hilarious it is super passive aggressive though.
maybe explain it was meant as a joke but also, her comments comparing her family to yours make you uncomfortable (if it does).
if her comments dont make you uncomfortable but this has annoyed you maybe tell her if she doesnt like your sense of humour about death then you would appreciate it if she stopped comparing her family to yours.
|
nta. to be honest, whilst your friend may well know it's a sensitive topic (how can it not be) she seems to be acting quite insensitively. honestly that pointed remark may well be a long time coming as she seems to like reminding you that her family is big and yours is small.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil. my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active. i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members) i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves. she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
over the last 20 years everyone is my close family has died. both my parents are gone, my grandparents on both sides, all my dad's uncles, and anyone who is still alive are scattered out among the country. all i(20f) have left is my siblings and my bil. my friend (23f) comes from a different family. all the uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents have monthly parties, stay in touch, have big celebrations, the works. all of them are still alive and active. i think she knows i'm sensitive to the topic as i wish i had a big family, as she sometimes makes these comments like 'you know when you get married your guest list will be so small compared to mine...but hey at least it will be cheap!' at my mom's funeral there were still a lot of open chairs and she told me if this was a family member of hers all the seats would be full. (she is aware of my many, many deceased family members) i took some pictures of me, my siblings, and my bil cooking for thanksgiving and us playing games at the dinner table and post them on social media. she text me privately saying we looked like we were having fun, followed by pics of her huge family, and remarked the dinner table was full of family. this is where i maybe the asshole, i replied, lovely! have fun, we'd have a full table too but with the snow it's was too hard to dig everyone out of their graves. she was silent for a few hours then replied that joke was morbid and made her uncomfortable, and i really need to check my attitude. aita? [/INST] nta its your family so you get to make jokes about it. if it makes her uncomfortable its her problem, i would be uncomfertable with her saying how big her family is. take care op and sorry for your loses </s>
|
AITA for telling my SIL that she upstaged me at my wedding?
|
i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding.
i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all.
the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing.
we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner.
when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita?
| 15,597 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8zm9t/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_she_upstaged_me_at/
|
2022-09-08 12:46:43
|
yta. you know what make tiffany so attractive compared to you? her *confidence*.
> “if you think it’ll help”
what a classy, confident woman tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary. if you weren’t busy feeling threatened by her, you could learn a thing of two. hell, *i’d* love to learn a thing or two from her.
|
yta “if you think it’ll help” tiffany is hilarious and beautiful!
|
"i don't begrudge her this at all."
you sure about this? yta.
|
>her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her.
yeah yta if all she did was exist in the space you invited her to.
|
yta. by your own admission outfit was completely appropriate for the event. she didn't wear white, announce her engagement or pregnancy during your wedding, strip or bang the best man in the coat closet, she simply attended. apologize and work on your insecurities.
|
yta. you are petty and insecure. your comment of the "comically large" ring just adds jealous to your list of unfavourable qualities.
|
yta. she didn't do anything but be herself. nothing you said showed any malicious intent to upstage you.
>she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'.
also, op sounds very jealous and petty here. tiffany handled this with grace and confidence as well. no wonder why people think she is so beautiful.
op work on building your confidence so you don't have worry about what people say.
|
yta - someone came to your wedding, "her outfit was totally appropriate for the event" and because men at your wedding were more attracted to her than you, she "upstaged you" and ruined your wedding?
so, you wanted all of the men attending your wedding (besides the one you are there marrying) to be sexually/romantically interested in you, the bride, on the day you are celebrating your commitment to your husband?
and she is a bad person, for being conventionally attractive, putting effort into her appearance, and having people notice that?
even if you buy into our culture of "you get to be a princess on your wedding day and everything has to be absolutely perfectly the way you want it to be" in order to get people to spend (what used to be) a house worth of money on that day, do you not see how controlling it is of you to expect everyone at your wedding to be less attractive/desirable than you? should she have put on some coveralls and a baseball hat and sat in the back so you could have the spotlight on you?
|
yta for blaming tiffany for others’ reactions to her. blame your fil and the best man, if you must, and anyone who was loudly drooling over her. if your friends prioritized asking about her over appreciating you at your wedding, that’s on them not her.
btw since tiffany is now engaged, where was her now-fiancé during your wedding? all of the “omg is she single” reactions suggest that he (or she) wasn’t obviously there with her.
|
yta, and you should probably know that insecurity which manifests itself as being vicious to others is the single most unattractive quality a person can have.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding. i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all. the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing. we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner. when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) recently got married to matt (30). matt has a stepsister, tiffany (28f). i have met her less than 10 times in the five years i dated matt as she doesn't live nearby and is not close to my husband. however, she was invited to our wedding. i should mention that tiffany is very attractive. she is pretty, with a currently fashionable body type, she also dresses well and spends money on her appearance. this is well known and even though i've only met her a few times whenever she is brought up by my in laws she always mentioned as being very invested in her image. i don't begrudge her this at all. the ceremony went fine, but afterwards, while my in laws were congratulating me, my fil commented that i looked beautiful, and in the next breath mentioned tiffany did, too. his wife caught his eye and shook her head, but i ignored it. when tiffany came over to say congratulations, she looked stunning. her dress was beautiful and fitted her perfectly, her hair and make up looked like they'd been done professionally, and she was wearing a pair of obviously designer shoes. her outfit was totally appropriate for the event, but i was still weirdly upset by how she looked and immediately felt self conscious next to her. even matt told her she looked great, and they rarely talk. for the rest of the night, every single male guest at the wedding asked about tiffany, who she was, how i know her, if she was single, etc. by the speeches, i was fed up and almost in tears, and even the best man mentioned her in his speech off the cuff. i let it go, went on my honeymoon, and tried to forget the whole thing. we came back about a week ago, and this past weekend had dinner with my in laws. tiffany was visiting, and we learned that she had got engaged. she showed us her comically large ring and said she was planning to have the wedding next year and that it would be a black tie event. before i could stop myself, i jokingly said that i was pretty sure i'd already been to her wedding, i was the one in the white dress. she asked what i meant, and i thought there was no point in lying so i just admitted i felt she upstaged me at my wedding. she laughed and said you can't upstage a bride. i asked if i could wear white to her wedding then and she shrugged and said 'if you think it'll help'. she then apologised if i felt her outfit was inappropriate. my in laws moved the conversation on and we went on with dinner. when we got home my husband blew up on me, saying i embarrassed him by being petty and jealous of tiffany. he said he doesn't even like her but even he knows she can't do anything about what she looks like or the clothes she can afford, and i made myself look bitter and childish, and him by association. i admit it wasn't my best moment, but i thought he would at least understand how i felt given that he heard everyone's comments that night. he's demanding i apologise to tiffany and his parents but i don't think i said anything that heinous. aita? [/INST] yta. you know what make tiffany so attractive compared to you? her *confidence*. > “if you think it’ll help” what a classy, confident woman tiff must be to react to such a petty, jealous attack with such a smooth shut down and follow it up with an apology despite being wholly unnecessary. if you weren’t busy feeling threatened by her, you could learn a thing of two. hell, *i’d* love to learn a thing or two from her. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to take my stepsister along on a family trip that my fiancé is paying for?
|
i've changed some details because i’m pretty sure my stepsister uses reddit.
when i was 11 my mom married my stepdad who also had a 13-year-old daughter. for the purpose of this post we’ll call her emma. me and emma have never gotten along, when i was 22 i finally went no contact with her.
the straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when she gleefully announced she was pregnant with my then fiancé…. on christmas day. that was honestly one of the worst times in my life and it took me a really long time to recover from the betrayal. emma ended up marrying my ex and they have a little boy together.
i’m currently 28 and engaged to a wonderful man, who is a lot better than my ex ever was. emma and my ex ended up divorcing after 3 years and she now lives with my mom and stepdad.
my fiancé has family in italy who he’d like me (and my parents) to meet before the wedding. the original plan was to go this summer but obviously with covid our plans got put on hold. i was discussing the plans to reschedule for next year with my mom recently and she asked me if i was going to invite emma and her son along. i told her i wasn’t and she asked me to reconsider because she didn’t think my stepdad would come otherwise (that’s fine with me, its really my mom and dad that my fiancé wants to introduce to his family). she argued emma has matured since becoming a mom and getting divorced and that she wants to attempt to have a relationship with me.
when i told her i wasn’t interested she said i was putting her in an awkward position and that i was taking my half-sister and stepbrother on my dad's side so she felt like i was favouring him (my stepbrother is literally the person who introduced me to my fiancé and my half-sister and i are close). she also said it’s unfair because emma could never afford a trip like this on her own and my nephew would be the one to miss out on bonding time with his cousins.
she asked me to reconsider before she left and has only replied to my texts to ask if i’d changed my mind. i’m starting to feel guilty because i know mine and emma’s dislike for one another has put a massive strain on my mom’s marriage and it’s not fair to her. my mom’s sisters have also called me to ask me to change my mind. i’m starting to worry my mom might not come either with how cold she’s being.
my “full” sister has also reached out and told me emma had been going to therapy and has realised that what she did was horrible and that i should consider forgiving her because she was going through a lot of her own issues (depression/low self-esteem) at the time and that my ex also made her suffer a lot too.
realistically, if she came on the trip, i could just avoid her the entire time, but i also don’t know if she has changed or if she’ll start up her old tricks again. my fiancé is also the one paying for the trip and i selfishly don’t want him to pay for her.
aita?
| 21,358 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8xuiq/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_stepsister_along_on/
|
2020-08-13 11:00:06
|
nta
why should your fiancé pay for her trip if you don't want her there in the first place?
maybe someone should consider your feelings, not just hers.
|
nta, if she’s changed that much why hasn’t she reached out to you herself! if you choose to build a relationship with her then that can be done at home, she doesn’t need a holiday paid for to do that. if your mum puts you in an awkward situation and won’t choose to come along then i’d just leave her behind, apart from it being totally understandable why you don’t want her there i’m also shocked at the sense of entitlement from you mother regards getting your fiancé to pay for her and her son to go because they couldn’t afford it themselves.
|
nta. this woman slept with your fiance, her sisters fiance, and now expects your to treat her like family? and you mum thinks so too? don't invite the sister and if your mum doesn't come then you know exactly where she stands
|
nta it’s pretty telling that everyone except emma is telling you how sorry she is, how she wants a relationship with you now, etc etc, but none of this is emma reaching out to you. not that you have any obligations to talk/forgive her anyways.
|
nta if your stepsister wants a different relationship with you she can start close to home, not on a free trip that she hasn't earned.
|
nta, 100%. she betrayed you in such a bad way and now everyone seems to expect you to fall over yourself to forgive her? and then invite her on a trip that your fiance is paying for her because it is unfair she doesn't get to go???? cry me a river.
you don't specifically mention if she herself has reached out to apologize or make amends, so i'd take this whole 'changed person' thing with a grain of salt anyway. nta nta nta!!
&#x200b;
congrats on the engagement btw.
|
nta
this trip is not about emma’s wants or what would make your mum’s life easier. this is you and your fiancé’s trip, where the focus is on you two.
i am not a forgiving person. i haven’t spoken to my sister in years and her transgressions would be considered minor to what emma has put you through. so i am in no way advocating that you forgive/reconcile/bring her back in to your life.
however, if you decided that you did want emma back in your life, a first step would be a coffee date, not an all expenses paid trip to italy where she can tarnish more of your memories.
do not ruin what should be a magical time for you and your fiancé. trust your gut!
|
nta. its unfortunate that your mom feels stuck in the middle, but some things are unforgivable. it's nice that emma realizes what she did was awful. good for her. hopefully she becomes a less terrible person. that does not need to be rewarded with an all expenses payed trip to italy. if your stepdad is incapable of confronting that emma's actions to you were monstrous, its unfortunate he wont be able to attend. assure your mom that all the step siblings on your dads side who announced that they had gotten themselves pregnant by your so in the middle of a holiday dinner also arent coming.
|
nta. i notice that all of these people have lobbied you and attested to emma being changed but emma hasn’t attempted to apologize or make any amends to you herself. and that’s all that matters. she needs to do the work herself, and even if she does, that still doesn’t entitle her to an italian vacation. not yet.
|
you’d be ta if you made your fiancé pay for two more people that don’t need to be there. like your mom said, to them it’s just a vacation, so why should your fiancé finance their holiday ?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've changed some details because i’m pretty sure my stepsister uses reddit. when i was 11 my mom married my stepdad who also had a 13-year-old daughter. for the purpose of this post we’ll call her emma. me and emma have never gotten along, when i was 22 i finally went no contact with her. the straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when she gleefully announced she was pregnant with my then fiancé…. on christmas day. that was honestly one of the worst times in my life and it took me a really long time to recover from the betrayal. emma ended up marrying my ex and they have a little boy together. i’m currently 28 and engaged to a wonderful man, who is a lot better than my ex ever was. emma and my ex ended up divorcing after 3 years and she now lives with my mom and stepdad. my fiancé has family in italy who he’d like me (and my parents) to meet before the wedding. the original plan was to go this summer but obviously with covid our plans got put on hold. i was discussing the plans to reschedule for next year with my mom recently and she asked me if i was going to invite emma and her son along. i told her i wasn’t and she asked me to reconsider because she didn’t think my stepdad would come otherwise (that’s fine with me, its really my mom and dad that my fiancé wants to introduce to his family). she argued emma has matured since becoming a mom and getting divorced and that she wants to attempt to have a relationship with me. when i told her i wasn’t interested she said i was putting her in an awkward position and that i was taking my half-sister and stepbrother on my dad's side so she felt like i was favouring him (my stepbrother is literally the person who introduced me to my fiancé and my half-sister and i are close). she also said it’s unfair because emma could never afford a trip like this on her own and my nephew would be the one to miss out on bonding time with his cousins. she asked me to reconsider before she left and has only replied to my texts to ask if i’d changed my mind. i’m starting to feel guilty because i know mine and emma’s dislike for one another has put a massive strain on my mom’s marriage and it’s not fair to her. my mom’s sisters have also called me to ask me to change my mind. i’m starting to worry my mom might not come either with how cold she’s being. my “full” sister has also reached out and told me emma had been going to therapy and has realised that what she did was horrible and that i should consider forgiving her because she was going through a lot of her own issues (depression/low self-esteem) at the time and that my ex also made her suffer a lot too. realistically, if she came on the trip, i could just avoid her the entire time, but i also don’t know if she has changed or if she’ll start up her old tricks again. my fiancé is also the one paying for the trip and i selfishly don’t want him to pay for her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've changed some details because i’m pretty sure my stepsister uses reddit. when i was 11 my mom married my stepdad who also had a 13-year-old daughter. for the purpose of this post we’ll call her emma. me and emma have never gotten along, when i was 22 i finally went no contact with her. the straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when she gleefully announced she was pregnant with my then fiancé…. on christmas day. that was honestly one of the worst times in my life and it took me a really long time to recover from the betrayal. emma ended up marrying my ex and they have a little boy together. i’m currently 28 and engaged to a wonderful man, who is a lot better than my ex ever was. emma and my ex ended up divorcing after 3 years and she now lives with my mom and stepdad. my fiancé has family in italy who he’d like me (and my parents) to meet before the wedding. the original plan was to go this summer but obviously with covid our plans got put on hold. i was discussing the plans to reschedule for next year with my mom recently and she asked me if i was going to invite emma and her son along. i told her i wasn’t and she asked me to reconsider because she didn’t think my stepdad would come otherwise (that’s fine with me, its really my mom and dad that my fiancé wants to introduce to his family). she argued emma has matured since becoming a mom and getting divorced and that she wants to attempt to have a relationship with me. when i told her i wasn’t interested she said i was putting her in an awkward position and that i was taking my half-sister and stepbrother on my dad's side so she felt like i was favouring him (my stepbrother is literally the person who introduced me to my fiancé and my half-sister and i are close). she also said it’s unfair because emma could never afford a trip like this on her own and my nephew would be the one to miss out on bonding time with his cousins. she asked me to reconsider before she left and has only replied to my texts to ask if i’d changed my mind. i’m starting to feel guilty because i know mine and emma’s dislike for one another has put a massive strain on my mom’s marriage and it’s not fair to her. my mom’s sisters have also called me to ask me to change my mind. i’m starting to worry my mom might not come either with how cold she’s being. my “full” sister has also reached out and told me emma had been going to therapy and has realised that what she did was horrible and that i should consider forgiving her because she was going through a lot of her own issues (depression/low self-esteem) at the time and that my ex also made her suffer a lot too. realistically, if she came on the trip, i could just avoid her the entire time, but i also don’t know if she has changed or if she’ll start up her old tricks again. my fiancé is also the one paying for the trip and i selfishly don’t want him to pay for her. aita? [/INST] nta why should your fiancé pay for her trip if you don't want her there in the first place? maybe someone should consider your feelings, not just hers. </s>
|
AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn't want to bring me with him to his family vacation?
|
my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other.
his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me.
on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?.
i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me.
i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well.
| 28,540 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whq7cz/aita_for_going_home_after_i_overheard_my_husband/
|
2022-08-06 14:55:05
|
nta
does he even like you?
|
nta. please don't let him gaslight you.
|
nta. it's not like you've been dating for 2 weeks, you're married! and as i understand the husband's brothers brought their spouses. how else are you going to get to know the family.
and to be honest the fact that your husband didn't defend you and was also talking with them behind your back is kind of a red flag.
|
nta. other spouses are welcome but not you? what on earth is going on here??
|
nta. why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly?
|
so he wants you to stop pushing to be around your family, but when you stop pushing and go home, he still gets angry?
and he’s not worried at all about your feelings or your hurt. he’s worried about “impressions.”
do not have children with this man, op. he will constantly lie to you, demean you, and belittle you behind your back. you now know that no matter how much or what you do for your husband, he will treat you as an inconvenience.
nta.
|
nta. this is toxic.
he trash talked you to his family who were being nasty about you, tried to gaslight you and insists you continue putting up with his their treatment and let them have their own way.
he's your husband and his family are still treating you like this. you deserve better than these people. you deserve better than him.
how much more of this could you possible take?
|
> his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking
nta - other wives were there, but your mil singles you out as not belonging at their family vacation? this is heartbreaking and the fact that your husband didn't apologize for hurting you so badly is not a good sign for your future.
|
nta. this man is supposed to be your husband and he openly told his family that he wished you weren't there. girl! why are you with him? why are you putting up with someone who clearly doesn't value you as his wife or even a person? he could've been supportive of your efforts but he chose to side with his family and just alienate you despite your help and attempts at getting along with family. honestly, from this little amount of information, he sounds like an unsupportive and gaslighting ah.
|
so his siblings can bring their spouses, but not you?
what’s that all about?
you’ve got a bad marriage. i don’t see it lasting.
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other.
his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me.
on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?.
i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me. i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband goes on annual vacations with his family. i'm on okay terms with them but since we've only been married for a short time and i don't see his family much, we still have that barrier that keeps is from being completely comfortable around each other.
his family arranged for the vacation last week. i out of curiosity asked if i could come. my husband felt hasitant but i told him it'd be a great opportunities to get to know his family better. he agreed to take me and his family were surprised to see me but still welcomed me.
on the 3rd day of the vacation. his dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking while i was preparing a fruit salad. as i was making my way back i overheard my mil say "...did she really had nowhere else to spend the weekend?". at first i had no idea who she was talking about so i kept on walking, but stopped once i overheard my husband say "l know!!!! and i didn't want to bring her with me but what was i supposed to do?!!! you know how pushy she can get". i instantly figured it was about me. i felt so shaken up to the point where i almost dropped the salad. this whole time i was there i cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids and this is how they think of me? an inconvenience to them?.
i quietly booked a ticket and went home on the first plane. he called and texted but i didn't respond anything other than let him know i was home. he got back and went off on me saying what i did was disrespectful and juvenile. i told him i overheard the conversation he had with his mom but he said that i was wrong for eavesdropping and that his family will warm up to me on their terms so i should stop pushing to be around that when they don't feel comfortable with it. basically saying it was my fault for coming along in the first place. he said that going home like made him and his family disappointed and gave them a really bad impression about me. i think that i might have messed this up and someehat ruined it for them as well. [/INST] nta does he even like you? </s>
|
AITA for taking back the money I promised my daughter for her trip after she refused to watch her younger siblings for the evening?
|
my daughter zoey "17" has been planning a trip with her friends for weeks and asked for my wife's and my help with money. i promised her that i'll be paying for her part of the trip which is about 80$ from stuff she needs for the trip, food, and other expenses. zoey appreciated this a loot since she normally pay for trips and other fun things with her own money but she left her summer job not too losing ago.
2 days ago was my wife and i wedding anniversary. we planned to go out and celebrate in the evening and i asked zoey if she could watch watch her younger siblings (3, 9) while we're out. she said "sorry, i have plans for tonight" i asked her to elaborate and she said she wanted to meet her best friend at a party before she leaves town as her friend will be moving away this month. she suggested we get a babysitter but it was already late for me to call and arrange for a babysitter. my wife suggested calling my sister but my sister has enough on her plate to be watching our kids. i tried to convince zoey to skip going out and watch her brothers but she refused and said my wife and i could stay home and celebrate but i told her we already reserved a table at the restaurant. i was getting pissed i brought up the trip that i was paying for and told her i will take the money back if she refused to watch her brothers for the evening. she said no and told her no trip then unless she gets the money herself because i'm no longer paying for it. she screamed at me calling me unbelievable for taking money back just cause she wanted to attend her best friend's goodbye party and not wanting responsibility for her brothers. i refused to discuss it. i took the kids to my mother's house and left.
my wife said i was too harsh on zoey especially since it's not her fault she doesn't want to be responsible for her brothers for the evening. i was puzzled i told her it's just one evening but still my wife thought i punished zoey over nothing by taking thee money i promised for her trip.
zoey isn't speaking to me and is cold shouldering me because of this.
| 8,168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6seau/aita_for_taking_back_the_money_i_promised_my/
|
2021-08-18 14:35:11
|
yta.
two points:
* firstly, if the gift had strings attached, you should have made that clear from the start. introducing conditions retroactively sets the precedence that your gifts aren't really gifts at all, but tools used to manipulate and control.
* secondly, you should have provided your daughter with sufficient notice so that she can organise her schedule. what you did shows that you have zero respect for her time, and that you expect unquestioning obedience from her.
|
>she suggested we get a babysitter but it was already late
so it's too late to call a babysitter but it's fine to not give your daughter any notice?
yta your daughter makes plans like you do and deserves some notice if you want her to babysit. respect this.
|
your poor planning skills is not the fault of your daughter. she had plans, and you acted like a child when dealing with her. yta. clearly you had other options, because you took them to your mother's house.
|
this is a joke right? yeah yta. doesnt even sound like you asked in advance or tried to find a sitter at all. you waited until the last second when you felt she would have no option but to say yes. she called you on your shit and now you are pissed about it.
|
absolutely, 100% yta.
1. your daughter was not warned that the money for her trip came with strings attached. and, frankly, there were no strings initially.
2. it's your fault you didn't think about childcare beforehand. your daughter is not your babysitter on standby. your anniversary was not an emergency, you had all the time in the world to make plans.
3. your demand that your daughter prioritize her brothers is delusional. what you're trying to do is called parentification. they are your kids, which means they should be your priority, not hers.
you are an unbelievable ass here. apologize and double the money you promised your daughter to show that you are truly sorry and screwed up big time.
|
yta
1. op offered a gift, and then turned it into "payment" for babysitting
2. op had other options for babysitting including: payed babysitter, sister, mom
3. op failed to plan for any of the options listed in #2
4. zoey had very valid plans, saying goodbye to her bff, which are not easily postponed.
luckily for zoey she's almost 18 and won't have to deal with the arbitrariness of op's "parenting" for much longer.
|
yta i hope the silence on op's part in the comments means he is taking this time to apologize to zoey.
|
yta. if you needed her to babysit, why didn’t you arrange this beforehand with her?
if she had agreed to babysit then refused that evening then you’d be justified. but just assuming that she would, then punishing her for saying no when you could have easily set this up and talked to her about it beforehand, that’s not fair.
|
yta: this is why i stopped asking my parents to help me pay for things. it was always contingent on me doing something for them. hate people who do this to others. if you're going to help someone make it no strings attached. if it is strings attached, then say that in the beginning of the agreement.
|
yta.
>she suggested we get a babysitter but it was already late for me to call and arrange for a babysitter.
that's your fault, not hers. get your act together.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter zoey "17" has been planning a trip with her friends for weeks and asked for my wife's and my help with money. i promised her that i'll be paying for her part of the trip which is about 80$ from stuff she needs for the trip, food, and other expenses. zoey appreciated this a loot since she normally pay for trips and other fun things with her own money but she left her summer job not too losing ago. 2 days ago was my wife and i wedding anniversary. we planned to go out and celebrate in the evening and i asked zoey if she could watch watch her younger siblings (3, 9) while we're out. she said "sorry, i have plans for tonight" i asked her to elaborate and she said she wanted to meet her best friend at a party before she leaves town as her friend will be moving away this month. she suggested we get a babysitter but it was already late for me to call and arrange for a babysitter. my wife suggested calling my sister but my sister has enough on her plate to be watching our kids. i tried to convince zoey to skip going out and watch her brothers but she refused and said my wife and i could stay home and celebrate but i told her we already reserved a table at the restaurant. i was getting pissed i brought up the trip that i was paying for and told her i will take the money back if she refused to watch her brothers for the evening. she said no and told her no trip then unless she gets the money herself because i'm no longer paying for it. she screamed at me calling me unbelievable for taking money back just cause she wanted to attend her best friend's goodbye party and not wanting responsibility for her brothers. i refused to discuss it. i took the kids to my mother's house and left. my wife said i was too harsh on zoey especially since it's not her fault she doesn't want to be responsible for her brothers for the evening. i was puzzled i told her it's just one evening but still my wife thought i punished zoey over nothing by taking thee money i promised for her trip. zoey isn't speaking to me and is cold shouldering me because of this.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter zoey "17" has been planning a trip with her friends for weeks and asked for my wife's and my help with money. i promised her that i'll be paying for her part of the trip which is about 80$ from stuff she needs for the trip, food, and other expenses. zoey appreciated this a loot since she normally pay for trips and other fun things with her own money but she left her summer job not too losing ago. 2 days ago was my wife and i wedding anniversary. we planned to go out and celebrate in the evening and i asked zoey if she could watch watch her younger siblings (3, 9) while we're out. she said "sorry, i have plans for tonight" i asked her to elaborate and she said she wanted to meet her best friend at a party before she leaves town as her friend will be moving away this month. she suggested we get a babysitter but it was already late for me to call and arrange for a babysitter. my wife suggested calling my sister but my sister has enough on her plate to be watching our kids. i tried to convince zoey to skip going out and watch her brothers but she refused and said my wife and i could stay home and celebrate but i told her we already reserved a table at the restaurant. i was getting pissed i brought up the trip that i was paying for and told her i will take the money back if she refused to watch her brothers for the evening. she said no and told her no trip then unless she gets the money herself because i'm no longer paying for it. she screamed at me calling me unbelievable for taking money back just cause she wanted to attend her best friend's goodbye party and not wanting responsibility for her brothers. i refused to discuss it. i took the kids to my mother's house and left. my wife said i was too harsh on zoey especially since it's not her fault she doesn't want to be responsible for her brothers for the evening. i was puzzled i told her it's just one evening but still my wife thought i punished zoey over nothing by taking thee money i promised for her trip. zoey isn't speaking to me and is cold shouldering me because of this. [/INST] yta. two points: * firstly, if the gift had strings attached, you should have made that clear from the start. introducing conditions retroactively sets the precedence that your gifts aren't really gifts at all, but tools used to manipulate and control. * secondly, you should have provided your daughter with sufficient notice so that she can organise her schedule. what you did shows that you have zero respect for her time, and that you expect unquestioning obedience from her. </s>
|
AITA for 'emasculating' my husband and refusing to make my parents apologise for it?
|
me (28f) and my husband (29m) have been married for 5 years. my husband was a nurse until he told me he wanted to become a doctor. i was fully supportive and he is now in his first year of medial school. i have been supporting the both of us as he cannot work while in school, but recently found out our rent was being raised by $500 at the end of our contract (april). this was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable, so i raised the idea of us buying a home.
this had been a conversation for years, but my husband had always said we could after he had paid off his school debt from nursing (paid off early 2020). i asked my mother (real estate agent) who told me that with what we'd be paying, it would be better for that money to go towards mortgage repayments and not rent. i brought this all up to my husband who shut it down almost immediately. he told me our agreement was to wait until he had paid off all his debt. i told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for 6 years, which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don't pay off their debt for 20+ years. i told him i had been supportive of this career change and by financially supporting the household, but that it was the best financial decision for us but also relieved the financial burden for me. i brought up the savings we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within budget, but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans. i asked him if he realised the financial burden this would put on me, but he said it was temporary and eventually he'd make more than me so it would be even and i'd agreed to this.
my mother called and asked if we were going to look into buying a house, but i told her we weren't and we'd be looking for somewhere cheaper to rent instead. she insisted we at least consider it because it made the most financial sense, and asked if it was because we didn't have a down-deposit. i told her that we were probably going to use that to pay off my husbands debt and he didn't want more debt until he was debt free from student loans. days later, my mother and father came for lunch and told us they had news. they offered to gift us the down-deposit of a home. i was over the moon and shocked by the offer. once they left, my husband exploded on me, claiming i emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents. i told him i never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don't get and would relieve so much financial burden on me. he refuses to talk to me or my parents until we apologise for shaming/emasculating him but i refused too. i apologised but told him i wouldn't make my parents as they'd done nothing wrong. aita?
| 20,288 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sa66tr/aita_for_emasculating_my_husband_and_refusing_to/
|
2022-01-22 16:32:00
|
nta- just something to consider but if you help pay off his student loans and financially support him for the next 10yrs say, then he divorces you.. you are left with nothing and him a debt free life earning a doctor's salary.
|
nta your husband is straight up ridiculous. fucking ridiculous. is he otherwise a good partner? is he thoughtful, is he kind, does he respect you in *every other area* of your life besides this one? and i mean everywhere. because if he isn’t, i would even wonder if its worth being married to someone acting like this.
the kind of emasculation he’s describing doesn’t actually exist — its a byproduct of toxic masculinity and its fucking nonsense.
|
nta. your husband is an a$$hole, though.
you need to look carefully and dispassionately at this situation. he doesn’t want to buy a house with you - a large financial commitment that binds you be and him. he instead wants you to put the money youve earned and youve saved to pay off his student debt while you support him through school. you see the problem here? after school, he could leave you, not have a house tying you together, and have his student loan burden greatly reduced bc your money has gone towards it.
someone so wholly selfish and unwilling to consider the feelings and wellbeing of a partner isn’t in this for the long term. i hate to be so negative, but smart money is on him leaving you when he’s graduated and with a reduced student loan thanks to your hard work.
protect yourself, sis.
|
nta. i would take the offer, but take it after your divorce is finalized, so the house can be in your name only. your parents offered you an *amazing* gift and he's throwing in back in your and their faces, because he has to have the finances a certain way. he is being controlling, toxic, and really selfish.
do not, under any circumstances, use *your* money to pay off *his* loans.
|
nta. buy a house in your name only. your husband seems to think all money is his money and about him only. you didn't agree to pay his medical school debt, just to help with nursing school. he is holding you and any money you make hostage so that he can be free. that isn't fair and isn't a partnership.
let him figure his shit out since he wants to be "big strong man" while you buy a home - again, in your name only - and live your financially astute life.
|
in my opinion, you’re nta whatsoever however there may be a workaround if you think outside the box; have you considered asking your parents to buy a house “for you” (put it in their names and you rent from them) with an option to buy once your husband is ready to move forward?
his behavior is suspect to me. there seems to be something more going on here then you may be privy to.
|
info: why is your husband so invested in making sure he is taken care of, but you are not?
|
nta, you aren't shaming or emasculating him. but there are a few red flags here. you might really want to consider looking into a way where you own the house in your name only.
|
get a lawyer. get everything notarized, specified and written out because this screams"surprise!" in the future
|
nta. your husband is acting like a really entitled douche. if a home purchase makes the most sense financially, you should do that.
and your parents did nothing wrong.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me (28f) and my husband (29m) have been married for 5 years. my husband was a nurse until he told me he wanted to become a doctor. i was fully supportive and he is now in his first year of medial school. i have been supporting the both of us as he cannot work while in school, but recently found out our rent was being raised by $500 at the end of our contract (april). this was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable, so i raised the idea of us buying a home. this had been a conversation for years, but my husband had always said we could after he had paid off his school debt from nursing (paid off early 2020). i asked my mother (real estate agent) who told me that with what we'd be paying, it would be better for that money to go towards mortgage repayments and not rent. i brought this all up to my husband who shut it down almost immediately. he told me our agreement was to wait until he had paid off all his debt. i told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for 6 years, which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don't pay off their debt for 20+ years. i told him i had been supportive of this career change and by financially supporting the household, but that it was the best financial decision for us but also relieved the financial burden for me. i brought up the savings we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within budget, but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans. i asked him if he realised the financial burden this would put on me, but he said it was temporary and eventually he'd make more than me so it would be even and i'd agreed to this. my mother called and asked if we were going to look into buying a house, but i told her we weren't and we'd be looking for somewhere cheaper to rent instead. she insisted we at least consider it because it made the most financial sense, and asked if it was because we didn't have a down-deposit. i told her that we were probably going to use that to pay off my husbands debt and he didn't want more debt until he was debt free from student loans. days later, my mother and father came for lunch and told us they had news. they offered to gift us the down-deposit of a home. i was over the moon and shocked by the offer. once they left, my husband exploded on me, claiming i emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents. i told him i never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don't get and would relieve so much financial burden on me. he refuses to talk to me or my parents until we apologise for shaming/emasculating him but i refused too. i apologised but told him i wouldn't make my parents as they'd done nothing wrong. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me (28f) and my husband (29m) have been married for 5 years. my husband was a nurse until he told me he wanted to become a doctor. i was fully supportive and he is now in his first year of medial school. i have been supporting the both of us as he cannot work while in school, but recently found out our rent was being raised by $500 at the end of our contract (april). this was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable, so i raised the idea of us buying a home. this had been a conversation for years, but my husband had always said we could after he had paid off his school debt from nursing (paid off early 2020). i asked my mother (real estate agent) who told me that with what we'd be paying, it would be better for that money to go towards mortgage repayments and not rent. i brought this all up to my husband who shut it down almost immediately. he told me our agreement was to wait until he had paid off all his debt. i told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for 6 years, which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don't pay off their debt for 20+ years. i told him i had been supportive of this career change and by financially supporting the household, but that it was the best financial decision for us but also relieved the financial burden for me. i brought up the savings we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within budget, but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans. i asked him if he realised the financial burden this would put on me, but he said it was temporary and eventually he'd make more than me so it would be even and i'd agreed to this. my mother called and asked if we were going to look into buying a house, but i told her we weren't and we'd be looking for somewhere cheaper to rent instead. she insisted we at least consider it because it made the most financial sense, and asked if it was because we didn't have a down-deposit. i told her that we were probably going to use that to pay off my husbands debt and he didn't want more debt until he was debt free from student loans. days later, my mother and father came for lunch and told us they had news. they offered to gift us the down-deposit of a home. i was over the moon and shocked by the offer. once they left, my husband exploded on me, claiming i emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents. i told him i never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don't get and would relieve so much financial burden on me. he refuses to talk to me or my parents until we apologise for shaming/emasculating him but i refused too. i apologised but told him i wouldn't make my parents as they'd done nothing wrong. aita? [/INST] nta- just something to consider but if you help pay off his student loans and financially support him for the next 10yrs say, then he divorces you.. you are left with nothing and him a debt free life earning a doctor's salary. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to move in with me?
| 19,783 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htyxrw/aita_for_not_wanting_my_bf_to_move_in_with_me/
|
2020-07-19 11:21:38
|
nta, it basically sounds like he wants to move back in with a parent that he has sex with.
|
nta - he’s a free loader. this isn’t the man for you. he comes to your home and treats it badly. he expects to live there for free. he wants you to neglect and abuse your cat, and he is also putting your cat in harms way. babe, this man is a walking red flag.
please leave him and certainly don’t let him move in. he’s abusing you already. this will only get worse. you’ve seen his true colours. do you really want a man that treats you badly, doesn’t respect your home, your need for sleep and then abuses your pet? think about it. deep down you know you don’t.
go give your kitty some hugs and dump the boyfriend’s ass. xx
|
nta - i really just read the rent part and came to that conclusion. dude seems like a tool. why are you with him?
|
nta.
so. many. red. flags.
please don't let him move in.
|
nta. i honestly would break up with him over the cat stuff but that's just me. i can not stand how people think that pets are meaningless or that they should take a backseat to a partner because of a general dislike.
|
nta. his fits of anger and destroying things are huge red flags. if it was me, not only would he not be moving in, we would not be continuing the relationship. best of luck.
|
nta. but, like, how do you write all of that out and still think even being with him at all is a good idea?
|
ok so let me break down your points for you:
1. he’s a lazy slob who doesn’t respect your space when he’s a guest. no way in hell that’s going to change once he moves in.
2. he has no respect for your physical need to sleep or your safety at work. he doesn’t care if you get injured while operating heavy machinery due to lack of sleep, because god forbid his ears be slightly uncomfortable from having to wear headphones.
3. he feels entitled to mooch off of *your* hard work and has made it clear that he will not be contributing to any household expenses. he then threw a violent tantrum and damaged your property when you reasonably asked him to pay towards your shared living arrangements. he’s looking for a sugar momma, not a partner, and he’s willing to destroy your property when you try to get him to pull his weight.
4. he wants you to isolate your cat, your faithful companion of over a decade, into a small area. he’s basically demanding that you put your cat into solitary confinement, a type of torture. oh **and he tried to get your cat lost or killed!!**
**date someone for who they are right now, not for who you hope they’ll turn into one day.** most people don’t make major changes in lifestyle, personality, or behavior. they certainly don’t change just because someone else wants them to, not even a significant other. people *only* change because they genuinely want to make a change for themselves. ...but chances are that who they are now is fairly close to who they’ll always be. he’s thankfully already given you a preview of *exactly* what life is going to be like living with him, so good on you for putting your foot down and telling him no.
however i have to ask op: *why* are you still with this guy? he doesn’t respect you, your home, or your beloved pet. he feels entitled to your money and *is willing to get violent* to get his way. he is not interested in being an equal partner to you, he’s just looking for a sugar mommy-maid to fund his lifestyle. this is not someone you should ever allow to move into your home nor someone who you should continue to date because he’s just going to drag you down and make you miserable. you sound like someone who’s got their life put together so why are you with someone who isn’t interested in living up to the same basic standards of adulting that you hold yourself to?
he’s shown you who he is- *believe him!!* it’s time to move on and find someone who’s actually interested in being a full partner in your relationship instead of a lazy mooch.
|
nta. he sounds like a spoiled child who needs a new attitude, and i think it might be time you found a new boyfriend. he clearly has no respect for you or your things. this sounds like a good chance to get a clean break and start fresh.
|
nta. this is less about staying with you and more about living rent free, without making any compromise whatsoever. he's throwing tantrums like a child and wants you to clean up after him like his mother. and his attitude towards the cat is unacceptable. i don't usually jump the "dump him" wagon, but you might want to consider your future with him, since you already have a pretty clear picture of what living with him would look like. he has serious growing up to do.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta, it basically sounds like he wants to move back in with a parent that he has sex with. </s>
|
|
AITA? for refusing to sign anything while my eyes are blindfolded?
|
eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment.
just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up.
last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit.
| 25,336 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sx8jum/aita_for_refusing_to_sign_anything_while_my_eyes/
|
2022-02-20 19:01:59
|
nta nta nta
this is extremely suspicious 🤨 obviously he wants you to sign on something important…
financial documents, loan, will, property, divorce papers???? list could be endless…
do not sign on anything blindfolded- i would add do not sign on any blank paper from now on…
|
nta. the fact that he won’t let you see your signature is a huge red flag. i’m concerned that all of the games he introduced you to were just a way of conditioning you to believe the signature is innocent.
op— please be sure you tell a trusted person what has happened. perhaps an attorney can help you draft a document that says that anything you did sign since you left the hospital was not signed under your own free will. your husband needs to know that other people are familiar with these ‘games’ he has been playing.
|
nta. this is fucking creepy. if he really just wanted to see if you could sign your name the same time, he'd let you see the paper. i wouldn't drop this, op. he's up to something really fishy. also, straight up gaslighting you by taking the focus off his creepy "game" to you not trusting him.
|
nta. ask to see those papers. they exist. do not take no for an answer. if you see those papers, you might not decide to divorce. if you don't see them, get a divorce.
|
nta. something is very fishy here.
|
nta but if i was you, i would say yes. pretent you're gonna sign and quickly grab the paper (if that is an option ofcourse). you really need to know what is going on, this is really disturbing.
|
nta
hugeeee red flag like wtf, change hospitals if you can, hoping things get better for you
|
most definitely nta. this sounds like something you’d hear about in a true crime retelling - next step being some sort of sneaky poisoning
|
nta. he's waiving more red flags than a chinese parade. my mind goes to divorce papers or obscene loans.
|
nta. maybe i watch too much dateline, but he’s probably trying to kill you. was your recent hospitalization suspicious at all?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment. just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up. last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
eversince i got out of the hospital for chronic problems, my husband has been introducing me to some games every evening. one game used to be about doing things while my eyes are blindfolded. involving puzzles, ruby's cube, shaped objects et cetra.... we'd take turns to do it just for entertainment. just a couple of days ago, he's been trying to get me to sign papers while wearing a blind fold. i refused to do it because he never lets me take a look at what i'm signing neither before or after. he says that he was just trying to see if i could leave the same signature everytime i sign but i couldn't help feel uncomfortable. i told him i don't want to play this game unless and until he shows me the papers first, he said "nevermind then" and stopped bringing it up. last night, he tried to convince me to give it a try and even volunteered to go first, i asked if he was going to show me what i was going to sign and he made a face and said no, it's the rules and i should respect them. i refused and he kept on about how i keep acting worried and suspicious for no reason. he said i clearly don't trust him and he was hurt by finding that out now after everything we been through. we had an argument and i told him to drop it and not bring it up again, period. he was mad despite saying it was no big deal, he was obviously upset with me and kept talking about how i don't trust him and that i was out of line to assume or suspect anything from him like this. i might be paranoid but i couldn't help it. i do think i was ta to him after he stood by my side when my own family didn't even visit. [/INST] nta nta nta this is extremely suspicious 🤨 obviously he wants you to sign on something important… financial documents, loan, will, property, divorce papers???? list could be endless… do not sign on anything blindfolded- i would add do not sign on any blank paper from now on… </s>
|
AITA for refusing to babysit my brother's kids?
|
my brother and his wife have two toddlers aged 3 and 2.
due to a recent divorce and financial difficulties i've been living with my brother and his wife for the past couple of months. his wife is not a fan of me staying with them but she tolerates my presence for the sake of my brother as i can tell. that though doesn't stop her from ordering me around the house and assigning me things to do as i'm her personal servant. my brother defends her treating me like that and claims i should do my part to. i already do. but he claims that i don't do enough as a person who lives here too.
to the point.
my brother's wife had a horrible stomach ache the other day and my brother wanted to take her to the doctor. they asked me to watch the kids for a couple of hours until they come back and i refused. i said i don't want to have this responsibility and that they should either take the kids with them, call an ambulance so his wife can go to the hospital and he can stay with the kids or call our parents or her parents for help.
my brother said "but you're right here and we are in urgent need please". i refused again. i said not my kids, not my problem.
they ended up taking the kids and driving them to my parents until they came back.
my parents called me and said i was being ridiculous for refusing to help. i reminded them how i'm not responsible for these kids and i don't have to be. we had an argument about it and they said my brother is very pissed and i should be in my knees apologising to him and his wife when they return.
they came home and my brother told me i have two days to pack my stuff and find somewhere else to live because he's done with me being a parasite in his own house and villainising him or his wife for expecting the slightest help and contribution around the house and that i crossed the line when in time of emergency i put my ego above their need for help.
i defended myself and i honestly don't believe i did something wrong, i said they have the right to disagree but they have to respect my thoughts and feelings on this as well. he insisted i have two days to either get my shit together or leave.
i called my parents crying about what my brother and his wife were about to do and they sided with them and said i had it coming. was i really an ah?
| 3,537 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z09mje/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_brothers_kids/
|
2022-11-20 17:19:46
|
yta
yes, really.
>i said not my kids, not my problem.
true but also true that you are not their kid or their problem.
|
does it matter? you're about to be homeless in two days, why are you wasting your time on reddit? you need to pack and find temporary housing.
|
gee, i wonder why you are divorced.
|
yta.
they didnt have to let you stay with them either but they did. least you can do is watch their kids.
but you dont have to play servant
|
yta
> i said not my kids, not my problem
charming.
can you imagine where you’d be if they’d told you “it’s not our problem that you’re broke and homeless” and just left you to it?
sil was having a medical emergency and instead of helping out you acted like an ah.
don’t be surprised when they put you out.
|
yta your living rent free and think you shouldn't have to help around the house? i get not watching their kids all the time but you didn't even do that and this was an emergency. you were being an unhelpful moocher and then crying to your parents makes you seems immature.
|
wtf is wrong with you. if they wanted to just go out you wouldn't be the ah but a medical emergency??? what the actual fuck is wrong with you.
the fact that you told them to "call an ambulance" which is literally thousands of dollars because "i don't want that responsibility"......wow
|
well, i guess you're technically right that they're not your kids and not your responsibility.
by the same token, it's not their responsibility to provide you with somewhere to live.
you've made your bed, now lie in it.
yta.
|
yta. in normal everyday circumstances i'd say you were okay with your response; however, in a semi-emergent situation (or worse) you come off as incredibly selfish at best and harmful at worst.
pack.
|
look at it this way, your brothers kids aren't your kids, they're not your problem. you aren't your brothers kid. you're not his problem. yta.
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother and his wife have two toddlers aged 3 and 2. due to a recent divorce and financial difficulties i've been living with my brother and his wife for the past couple of months. his wife is not a fan of me staying with them but she tolerates my presence for the sake of my brother as i can tell. that though doesn't stop her from ordering me around the house and assigning me things to do as i'm her personal servant. my brother defends her treating me like that and claims i should do my part to. i already do. but he claims that i don't do enough as a person who lives here too. to the point. my brother's wife had a horrible stomach ache the other day and my brother wanted to take her to the doctor. they asked me to watch the kids for a couple of hours until they come back and i refused. i said i don't want to have this responsibility and that they should either take the kids with them, call an ambulance so his wife can go to the hospital and he can stay with the kids or call our parents or her parents for help. my brother said "but you're right here and we are in urgent need please". i refused again. i said not my kids, not my problem. they ended up taking the kids and driving them to my parents until they came back. my parents called me and said i was being ridiculous for refusing to help. i reminded them how i'm not responsible for these kids and i don't have to be. we had an argument about it and they said my brother is very pissed and i should be in my knees apologising to him and his wife when they return. they came home and my brother told me i have two days to pack my stuff and find somewhere else to live because he's done with me being a parasite in his own house and villainising him or his wife for expecting the slightest help and contribution around the house and that i crossed the line when in time of emergency i put my ego above their need for help. i defended myself and i honestly don't believe i did something wrong, i said they have the right to disagree but they have to respect my thoughts and feelings on this as well. he insisted i have two days to either get my shit together or leave. i called my parents crying about what my brother and his wife were about to do and they sided with them and said i had it coming. was i really an ah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother and his wife have two toddlers aged 3 and 2. due to a recent divorce and financial difficulties i've been living with my brother and his wife for the past couple of months. his wife is not a fan of me staying with them but she tolerates my presence for the sake of my brother as i can tell. that though doesn't stop her from ordering me around the house and assigning me things to do as i'm her personal servant. my brother defends her treating me like that and claims i should do my part to. i already do. but he claims that i don't do enough as a person who lives here too. to the point. my brother's wife had a horrible stomach ache the other day and my brother wanted to take her to the doctor. they asked me to watch the kids for a couple of hours until they come back and i refused. i said i don't want to have this responsibility and that they should either take the kids with them, call an ambulance so his wife can go to the hospital and he can stay with the kids or call our parents or her parents for help. my brother said "but you're right here and we are in urgent need please". i refused again. i said not my kids, not my problem. they ended up taking the kids and driving them to my parents until they came back. my parents called me and said i was being ridiculous for refusing to help. i reminded them how i'm not responsible for these kids and i don't have to be. we had an argument about it and they said my brother is very pissed and i should be in my knees apologising to him and his wife when they return. they came home and my brother told me i have two days to pack my stuff and find somewhere else to live because he's done with me being a parasite in his own house and villainising him or his wife for expecting the slightest help and contribution around the house and that i crossed the line when in time of emergency i put my ego above their need for help. i defended myself and i honestly don't believe i did something wrong, i said they have the right to disagree but they have to respect my thoughts and feelings on this as well. he insisted i have two days to either get my shit together or leave. i called my parents crying about what my brother and his wife were about to do and they sided with them and said i had it coming. was i really an ah? [/INST] yta yes, really. >i said not my kids, not my problem. true but also true that you are not their kid or their problem. </s>
|
AITA for being upset my son chose his girlfriend over his family?
|
my son (23m) has been dating his girlfriend (23f) for 2 and a half years. she is a nice girl who i think is really good for my son and is always pleasant and polite to us. however, she can be emotional and sensitive and i worry that my son puts her feelings before his own. girlfriend was supposed to graduate in may 2020, but never had a graduation ceremony because of covid. i know she was really upset and devastated over the end of her college of experience and no celebration. recently she found out that they will be scheduling a graduation ceremony for the 2020 graduates this fall. when girlfriend told my son he was very excited and told me the news. i told him that the ceremony is the same day as his cousin/my niece’s (24f) wedding. his cousin deserves to have her family there to support her. my son and her were close as kids, so she had asked him to do a reading and he had agreed. girlfriend has met our extended family a few times, but she isn’t close with them. when my son told his girlfriend about the wedding, she was very upset and heartbroken. she told him she needs him there to see her walk the stage and it was bad enough that it wasn’t a typical graduation. girlfriend and my son talked about skipping the wedding ceremony and going to the reception after girlfriend’s graduation is done. my son talked to his cousin and she said she is okay with him missing the ceremony. i think that his girlfriend is selfish and i cannot believe that she is making him abandon his family when they aren’t even married. i was so angry i didn’t talk to my son for a week and now girlfriend is upset at my reaction as well. am i the asshole for being mad he would abandon family for a girlfriend?
| 4,094 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2jhqv/aita_for_being_upset_my_son_chose_his_girlfriend/
|
2021-08-11 18:52:12
|
yta
the cousin is ok with it. your son is ok with it. his gf is ok with it.
what is your role in the entire story? none.
cut it out.
|
yta
you should be proud that your son found a compromise that satisfied everybody. you should also be proud of him for being sensitive and attentive to his girlfriend's feelings. you somehow raised a good kid despite these short-sighted inclinations that you seem to have.
|
yta, he’s an adult. **you** need to stop trying to control him.
|
yta and that girlfriend might end up a future spouse so i’d watch it if you plan on giving the silent treatment to your son in the future. i’d side eye the shit out of my spouse’s parent doing that crap.
|
yta, sorry. he wasn’t forced to go to his girlfriends graduation, he is a grown man and has made that choice to go on his own. they might not be a married couple but that is not an excuse to not be there for your partner. if the cousin said it was okay than it’s okay. he’s trying to compromise and go to the reception. you should apologize and try and understand that blood is not always thicker than water
|
yta. the only opinions here that matter are your son's, his cousin's, and his girlfriend's. he has two important things that unfortunately conflict, but his cousin has said she's fine with him missing the ceremony and coming to the reception so he can make the graduation. the issue is resolved and there's no reason for you to butt in. and he's not "abandoning his family" he's trying to make it to several big life events in one day.
|
yta.
he’s been with this girl for 2.5 years. she is apart of his family.
you sound very dismissive of their relationship because they aren’t married. that’s wrong. you have no idea what they’ve discussed or plans they’ve made for their future. that’s fine. that’s between them.
but it is obviously important to your son that he be there for his partner’s big life event. and he handled the schedule conflict really well.
giving him the silent treatment for a week well that’s bad for 1 of 2 reason. silent treatments can be a tool that abusive people use to guilt and control the people around them. or if you were really that angry of the situation that you couldn’t talk to them, your level of anger seems irrational for the situation. either case, you may want to talk to a professional about your emotions.
|
yta- why are you inserting yourself into their relationship? he talked with cousin. she said it was fine and she’s the only one who’s opinion matters, it’s her wedding not yours.
|
yta. shouldn’t you be glad your son and his cousin came to a conclusion where everyone is happy? he isn’t “abandoning” anyone, but it seems you’d be happy if he abandoned his gf. you seem to be the only one upset by this compromise, i would see is as an excuse to be double happy. why are you upset that your son likes the woman he’s with? that he’s considerate of her feelings, and his cousins feelings? what makes you feel like such a victim in this situation?
|
yta. it sounds like they made a very mature and sensible compromise without any of your input or involvement.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son (23m) has been dating his girlfriend (23f) for 2 and a half years. she is a nice girl who i think is really good for my son and is always pleasant and polite to us. however, she can be emotional and sensitive and i worry that my son puts her feelings before his own. girlfriend was supposed to graduate in may 2020, but never had a graduation ceremony because of covid. i know she was really upset and devastated over the end of her college of experience and no celebration. recently she found out that they will be scheduling a graduation ceremony for the 2020 graduates this fall. when girlfriend told my son he was very excited and told me the news. i told him that the ceremony is the same day as his cousin/my niece’s (24f) wedding. his cousin deserves to have her family there to support her. my son and her were close as kids, so she had asked him to do a reading and he had agreed. girlfriend has met our extended family a few times, but she isn’t close with them. when my son told his girlfriend about the wedding, she was very upset and heartbroken. she told him she needs him there to see her walk the stage and it was bad enough that it wasn’t a typical graduation. girlfriend and my son talked about skipping the wedding ceremony and going to the reception after girlfriend’s graduation is done. my son talked to his cousin and she said she is okay with him missing the ceremony. i think that his girlfriend is selfish and i cannot believe that she is making him abandon his family when they aren’t even married. i was so angry i didn’t talk to my son for a week and now girlfriend is upset at my reaction as well. am i the asshole for being mad he would abandon family for a girlfriend?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son (23m) has been dating his girlfriend (23f) for 2 and a half years. she is a nice girl who i think is really good for my son and is always pleasant and polite to us. however, she can be emotional and sensitive and i worry that my son puts her feelings before his own. girlfriend was supposed to graduate in may 2020, but never had a graduation ceremony because of covid. i know she was really upset and devastated over the end of her college of experience and no celebration. recently she found out that they will be scheduling a graduation ceremony for the 2020 graduates this fall. when girlfriend told my son he was very excited and told me the news. i told him that the ceremony is the same day as his cousin/my niece’s (24f) wedding. his cousin deserves to have her family there to support her. my son and her were close as kids, so she had asked him to do a reading and he had agreed. girlfriend has met our extended family a few times, but she isn’t close with them. when my son told his girlfriend about the wedding, she was very upset and heartbroken. she told him she needs him there to see her walk the stage and it was bad enough that it wasn’t a typical graduation. girlfriend and my son talked about skipping the wedding ceremony and going to the reception after girlfriend’s graduation is done. my son talked to his cousin and she said she is okay with him missing the ceremony. i think that his girlfriend is selfish and i cannot believe that she is making him abandon his family when they aren’t even married. i was so angry i didn’t talk to my son for a week and now girlfriend is upset at my reaction as well. am i the asshole for being mad he would abandon family for a girlfriend? [/INST] yta the cousin is ok with it. your son is ok with it. his gf is ok with it. what is your role in the entire story? none. cut it out. </s>
|
AITA for snapping at my friend who keeps ditching me because I now have a child?
|
just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara.
over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara.
i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does.
she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place.
she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around.
honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair.
today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house.
when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me.
when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around.
she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear).
i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off.
this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage.
i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out.
normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.
| 19,388 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zk8ys9/aita_for_snapping_at_my_friend_who_keeps_ditching/
|
2022-12-12 19:35:56
|
yta. she didn't ditch you. she asked you to go out with her friends as she'd made plans. she's not drinking like she's 20, she's drinking like someone who doesn't have a child.
ps, she's right. your partner can look after your daughter once in a while. and should do, to try and bond with her.
|
yta.
you’re always expecting her to accommodate you because you have a child. she’s been coming over to your house for over a year because she understands your life has changed.
you’re putting in very little effort and assuming that it’s on her to maintain the friendship and compromise - why? because you’re a mom?
she didn’t ditch you - you’ve been a shitty friend for a while and she’s probably done with you.
|
info: why *can’t* tom take care of ciara once in a while so you can have time off?
|
yta she didn't ditch you on saturday. she invited you to come with her and her other friends, meaning she had already committed to going out with other people. if she had come to yours for drinks, she would've been ditching her other friends.
|
yta,
also the "not to meddle in your marriage" what are you on? he's a parent who can, ya know parent. it is not healthy to never socialise without your child, it's good for both of you.
*edit typo
|
yta. when you have a child, they are the most important person to you. but, that doesn’t mean that they are the most important person to everyone else. your a sahm, that’s your choice, and it sounds like mia has tried really hard to be accommodating, but for christ sakes, it’s been two years of her doing things your way. she didn’t ghost you or be rude, she suggested having your husband, the father, watch your child so you can hang out and you yell at her an accuse her of meddling in your marriage? girl, there’s a lot of issues in your marriage in that statement alone that your not posting on here. don’t blame her for finally having enough and calling you an asshole cause you are acting like one. don’t expect her to apologize cause you don’t deserve one. you want to keep this friendship, you talk to a therapist cause you’ve got some issues, and when you are mature enough to have an adult conversation, call mia and apologize.
|
yta. you refuse to do anything outside the home. she asks you constantly. you're evidently working on being a helicopter mom. at some point you need to leave the home and do something without your child. it's better for both of you.
and you ditched her. not the other way around.
|
yta. she’s trying to stay engaged in your life, but you only want it 100% on your terms. she’s not wrong for wanting to go out and have adult evenings out. hire a sitter or ask your husband to take over for the night and join her. you were rude and out of line with her.
|
you've made your entire friendship with mia be about your kid and completely failed to acknowledge her pov or emotional needs. this is on you for neglecting the friendship, which requires time without a toddler around.
yta
|
yes yta!
your friend is not obligated to be around kids just because you had a child. it's not like she ignored you. she invited you out multiple times. your entitlement that she should always hang out at your house around your kid is wrong.
also, yes, she can go out and drink like she's in her 20s again. maybe you should try that sometime too, instead of insisting to drink around a small child which majority of the people are not comfortable with.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara. over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara. i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does. she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place. she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around. honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair. today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house. when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me. when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around. she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear). i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off. this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage. i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out. normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
just over two years ago, i(f29) unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter, ciara. over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, mia (f31). mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with ciara. i’m a sahm and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as i did previously. mia and i live on the same street (we’re in manchester, england) and it’s a walking distance between our houses. i’ve told mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does. she did at the beginning but it’s been happening less and less. instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but i don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place. she asked if i wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but i said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. she said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around. honestly, i feel neglected. i feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. i’m always available but she rarely comes over and i don’t think that’s fair. today, i saw her photos from saturday night out and i was fuming. she ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. i felt rejected and horrible, i thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house. when she finished work, she called and asked if i fancied going for coffee to town but i asked her to come over again. she said yes but before she disconnected, i heard her mumble “like always.” this really annoyed me. when she came over, i decided to be open about everything. and while not my proudest or most mature moment, i shouted at her that she’s an awful friend m, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around. she said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been 2 years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (mia likes to swear). i said that she knew i had a child and responsibilities. and she said that tom (my partner) could take care of ciara once in a while so i could have a time off. this felt really intrusive and i told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage. i was really angry with her and kicked her out. she called me a selfish asshole on her way out. normally, i would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and i’m starting to wonder was i the asshole or was she? perhaps i was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it. [/INST] yta. she didn't ditch you. she asked you to go out with her friends as she'd made plans. she's not drinking like she's 20, she's drinking like someone who doesn't have a child. ps, she's right. your partner can look after your daughter once in a while. and should do, to try and bond with her. </s>
|
AITA for firing employee of 20+ years for calling my niece "Princess"
|
my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills.
i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram.
it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years.
but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals.
i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake.
my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me.
she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then."
i fired her on the spot.
my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with.
aita?
| 16,319 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqzqc6/aita_for_firing_employee_of_20_years_for_calling/
|
2019-02-15 18:43:07
|
yta. if i’m your employee your conversation literally sounds like “she’s my niece, so she can do whatever she wants”. your employee was out of line but instantly firing such a long tenured employee over something so silly will just reinforce what people think of your niece.
|
well...if i was your other employees i would probably start looking for another job a because you fired her on the spot with no warnings and b i've seen nepotism in the work place before.
yta
one of those thanks for the silver anon edits- thanks for the silver ;d
|
yta, you aren’t wrong for disliking her behavior, but firing an employee of 24 years over a couple comments is way too far. you should have sat her down and discussed her behavior, and taken further action if it continued, but firing her on the spot?
|
[deleted]
|
yta for straight up firing her over something petty. she was an asshole for being a jerk to your niece, but it’s hard to know whether belladonna is any good at her job or if you just don’t care for her personally. the latter is how it comes across and you fired her in a moment of anger instead of trying to work it out or even warn her.
|
i'm going to say yta because you really should have given her a warning first, then if she kept it up fired her. on the other hand maybe you did her a favor since now she can get a job the might promote her after working there for a while.
|
info but i’m leaning toward you’re ta
you fired an employee who was loyal to your company for 24 years because she said something inappropriate to your niece who you seem to be showing favoritism toward? from the way this reads you consider your niece a child and are very forgiving of her not knowing how to do very basic things.
is this 24-year employee having to fix your niece’s mistakes? train her on how to do anything? is she responsible in any way for teaching your niece how to grow up and be a big girl in the real world? after 24 years this employee can’t be a manager while this other young adult is being treated with kid gloves?
gtfoh with this. hiring your niece is nepotism. you suck as a boss. your employee deserved, at the very least, to have a frank direct conversation with you about everything and the opportunity for corrective behavior. i hope she finds someone better than you to work for. you sound awful.
|
yta. someone who spent 24 years of their life at a business at least deserves a verbal and written warning for something this minuscule. i *highly* doubt you would have reacted this way if the intern wasn't your niece which is even more unprofessional. you abused your power in my opinion.
|
yta.
there should be many managerial steps between calling someone princess and being fired. there were more appropriate interventions here.
|
esh. employee sounds like a jerk, ally sounds like a kinda spoiled kid who does need the help in “growing up” you’re providing, and you definitely could have handled the situation better. a loyal employee of 20 years deserves more respect than being fired on the spot, jerk or no jerk.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.009259 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills. i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram. it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years. but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals. i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake. my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me. she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then." i fired her on the spot. my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my niece is kind of... a useless intern at the moment. she was super sheltered by her mother, my brother travels for work... so she has no real life skills. i own a business and took ally \[18\] under my wing. she lives in my basement apartment \[i live above her\] and i am pretty much building an adult from the ground up. everything from how to dress in the workplace to how to use a computer properly outside of facebook and instagram. it's working. it's just frustrating for ally because she should know a lot of this stuff. but her mom is very, very controlling. i expect i am going to do this with my other niece savannah when she graduates in a few years. but it's working out well. ally is going to start community college in september. but until then i am having her sit in my office and do various small tasks, take an online microsoft word tutorial, and catch up on various life goals. i have been running my own business for six years now. i took it over from my mother when she retired. my brother has no interest in the business, though he was offered some stake. my mother ran the business for 37 years before i took it over. she hired a woman named belladonna \[54f\] who has worked there for 24 years. as such, belladonna feels she is pillar for the company and has asked to become a manager. she has tried to take on managerial roles before, but i wouldn't give her that job if someone paid me. she is a little snarky, but i had no issue with it. until i caught her calling ally "cinderella" and "princess." she was also ordering ally to get her coffee. when ally said she was working on something, belladonna told her "well, i guess you just sit down and do nothing then." i fired her on the spot. my mother thinks i was an asshole for doing that. but i don't tolerate people who think being older means they have a right to be snarky. i told people what ally was doing at the job, and that she was not an intern. she was simply my niece assisting me on stuff i needed help with. aita? [/INST] yta. if i’m your employee your conversation literally sounds like “she’s my niece, so she can do whatever she wants”. your employee was out of line but instantly firing such a long tenured employee over something so silly will just reinforce what people think of your niece. </s>
|
AITA for telling my son that he’s all that makes my life worth living?
|
i have a son (14) who, ever since he could speak, has been been my best friend and sole confidant. i have no friends, my two older children barely talk to me, and my husband is incompetent when it comes to helping me deal with my emotional trauma.
my son, however, is never anything but empathetic. i’ve taught him to be so, he’s supported me through all the shit i’ve been through but this week, he’s been less than that. i now have to do my own job as well as my boss’s job, my mother just died, and recently, he was suspended from school.
i don’t need him to burden me with these kinds of issues right now. i have busted my ass to make sure he has a perfect life so that he never has anything to complain about, but he has begun to stop appreciating it. he keeps doing things like this for attention, and it’s getting concerning.
tonight, i said to him “you are my only reason to live. can you start trying to be a decent human, for me? because if i lose you, i will have nothing. you will have destroyed me emotionally”. my husband took me aside right after i said that, and seemed disgusted with me. he said to me “why are you burdening our son with your shit?”
i told him that unlike him, our son has been there for me for as long as he’s been alive. he’s been my rock, and has provided me comfort that my husband will not. my husband proceeded to call me a child emotionally, and he took our son to his room and neither will talk to me now.
aita for saying what i said? i feel like my son at least owes me respect for the life i’ve provided him, and my husband has no place to speak on how he helps me deal with my issues.
| 3,927 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pstxyr/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_hes_all_that_makes/
|
2021-09-21 22:36:45
|
yta. it’s not your 14 year old son’s responsibility to be your reason to live. you need to find joy elsewhere and possibly seek help. growing up is hard enough for kids without being your parent’s counselor and caretaker. your son “owes” you nothing for doing what parents should do, which is providing for him. that’s your whole job as a parent.
|
yta
&#x200b;
your behaviour is abusive, get some therapy.
|
yta
he's a **child**, not your emotional support animal. in fact - you're treating him worse than an emotional support animal by making *him* responsible for *your* feelings. your poor son.
|
yta, and this might be categorized as child abuse
|
huge yta! you **have** burdened your son with the responsibility of your emotional wellbeing, and basically told him your life is in his hands. that is absolutely unacceptable to tell any child, but especially your own.
>i have a son (14) who, ever since he could speak, has been been my best friend and sole confidant.
this is not healthy for either of you. you both need to go to different therapists immediately.
|
yta a mega one and heres why:
>has been been my best friend and sole confidant.
>
>i’ve taught him to be so, he’s supported me through all the shit i’ve been through.
this is your 14 year old son, children are not born into this life to be emotional support animals for their parents.
>i don’t need him to burden me with these kinds of issues right now
you do realise the death of your mother is also the death of his grandmother right? maybe there is good reason to his suspention, he seems to have a lot going on right now especially if you are confiding in him for everything.
>i have busted my ass to make sure he has a perfect life so that he never has anything to complain about.
you are his parent, that is literally your job.
>seemed disgusted with me. he said to me “why are you burdening our son with your shit?”
he should be, hes clearly the one with the brain here.
in all seriousness, i know the word narcissist gets throw around a lot but i am picking up on a lot of red flags here.
|
yta. i have a mother like this. it’s fucking hard. especially when i’m dealing with issues of my own (which is what it sounds like your son is) because i have to deal with my own emotions as well as hers. it is the job of the parent to support the child, not the other way around. and from what it sounds like, this kid just lost his *grandma*. that’s hard. that’s probably why he’s misbehaving. maybe try being there for him rather than expecting the opposite. he doesn’t owe you anything.
|
yta. look up the term emotional incest. this is not something you burden a child, especially your own child, with.
your husband was absolutely right. you are behaving like an emotionally abusive parent.
|
yta. your son doesn't owe you anything. it's yours job to provide the best life for him. but you have burdened him with all of your emotional issues so you can't claim you've given him a "perfect life". get therapy instead of using your kid as an emotional crutch. your husband is right.
|
yta. this made me feel sick to read. you are emotionally abusing your child. how can you justify putting that kind of shit on a child from the moment they are born?
you need to get therapy and make friends and let your son be a kid. your dependence on him is selfish and creepy.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a son (14) who, ever since he could speak, has been been my best friend and sole confidant. i have no friends, my two older children barely talk to me, and my husband is incompetent when it comes to helping me deal with my emotional trauma. my son, however, is never anything but empathetic. i’ve taught him to be so, he’s supported me through all the shit i’ve been through but this week, he’s been less than that. i now have to do my own job as well as my boss’s job, my mother just died, and recently, he was suspended from school. i don’t need him to burden me with these kinds of issues right now. i have busted my ass to make sure he has a perfect life so that he never has anything to complain about, but he has begun to stop appreciating it. he keeps doing things like this for attention, and it’s getting concerning. tonight, i said to him “you are my only reason to live. can you start trying to be a decent human, for me? because if i lose you, i will have nothing. you will have destroyed me emotionally”. my husband took me aside right after i said that, and seemed disgusted with me. he said to me “why are you burdening our son with your shit?” i told him that unlike him, our son has been there for me for as long as he’s been alive. he’s been my rock, and has provided me comfort that my husband will not. my husband proceeded to call me a child emotionally, and he took our son to his room and neither will talk to me now. aita for saying what i said? i feel like my son at least owes me respect for the life i’ve provided him, and my husband has no place to speak on how he helps me deal with my issues.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a son (14) who, ever since he could speak, has been been my best friend and sole confidant. i have no friends, my two older children barely talk to me, and my husband is incompetent when it comes to helping me deal with my emotional trauma. my son, however, is never anything but empathetic. i’ve taught him to be so, he’s supported me through all the shit i’ve been through but this week, he’s been less than that. i now have to do my own job as well as my boss’s job, my mother just died, and recently, he was suspended from school. i don’t need him to burden me with these kinds of issues right now. i have busted my ass to make sure he has a perfect life so that he never has anything to complain about, but he has begun to stop appreciating it. he keeps doing things like this for attention, and it’s getting concerning. tonight, i said to him “you are my only reason to live. can you start trying to be a decent human, for me? because if i lose you, i will have nothing. you will have destroyed me emotionally”. my husband took me aside right after i said that, and seemed disgusted with me. he said to me “why are you burdening our son with your shit?” i told him that unlike him, our son has been there for me for as long as he’s been alive. he’s been my rock, and has provided me comfort that my husband will not. my husband proceeded to call me a child emotionally, and he took our son to his room and neither will talk to me now. aita for saying what i said? i feel like my son at least owes me respect for the life i’ve provided him, and my husband has no place to speak on how he helps me deal with my issues. [/INST] yta. it’s not your 14 year old son’s responsibility to be your reason to live. you need to find joy elsewhere and possibly seek help. growing up is hard enough for kids without being your parent’s counselor and caretaker. your son “owes” you nothing for doing what parents should do, which is providing for him. that’s your whole job as a parent. </s>
|
AITA for "siding with a home wrecker?"
|
throwaway because i don't want my sister finding this.
my sister "annie" (30'sf) is obsessed with a girl, let's say jane (20'sf), that her husband cheated on her with in mid 2020. idk why. jane's not the first or the last. she was one of the decent ones. didn't realize he was married, broke it off when she found out, and sent the proof of his cheating to his wife. somehow he spun this as "she's trying break us up," and my sister fell for it. which is stupid because jane already blocked them on everything. he's the one that basically stalked her for months after.
anyway, annie's been stalking jane's socials. any time jane posts about something bad happening, annie calls me up to gloat. any time she posts about anything good that happens, annie starts crying about how it's not fair. in the last few months jane apparently got a high paying new job, got engaged, and is pregnant. annie had a full on meltdown over it.
it's all she ever wants to talk about. she'll call me at least twice a week with this shit, and text me multiple times a day. she doesn't want advice, doesn't want to leave him, just want to vent endlessly. my other sister is also tired of this, but my mom says we need to be gentle because it's hard for annie. i just want her to stop!
i tried sympathy, tough love, changing the subject, suggested counselling, nothing works. it's nonstop jane did this and jane said that. i hit my boiling point this morning when she was going on about how jane's fiance would cheat because she's too fat (she's pregnant!) and her baby would be a basterd, etc.. then she said "i don't care because i won and she lost. she had him for a week and i have him for a lifetime."
for some reason that made me snap. i told annie she "won" a slimy serial cheater who likes to creep on barely legal teens, who never supported her through illness or depression, never lifts a finger around the house, sulks about having to "babysit" his own kids, constantly makes mean jokes about her, and criticizes her appearance harshly even though he's below average in looks.
i said something like "maybe you're obsessed with jane's life because it's yours is a massive dumpster fire."
since then, i had to deactivate my socials because i'm getting nonstop hate from annie, her friends, and extended family for being cruel. apparently i have no morals and condone cheating? none of them are going for the actual cheater though? just me for pointing out that he's a cheater?
my other sister says that i wasn't wrong, but i was an ah to say it so harshly, and that annie is a victim too. idk reddit, am i?
&#x200b;
| 18,489 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s780sl/aita_for_siding_with_a_home_wrecker/
|
2022-01-18 21:11:56
|
nta. your sister is obsessed with someone who her husband cheated on her with, broke up with said husband once she found out about him still being married and has since moved on. what your sister needs is professional help.
|
nta your sister is in complete denial of her shit life. i wonder how long it'll take for her husband to walk out on her and leave her to dry.
if you think that's an actual worry then you may want to talk with any mutual close realitives and friends to stage some sort of intervention. this shows how bad her life and relationship really is.
|
nta. the common factor between all these affairs is your sister's husband. jane called a stop as soon as she learned he was cheating with her. if anyone is at fault it's your bil and he's who your sister needs to deal with.
|
nta
i think you only told her the truth. there’s a reason she’s so obsessed - because hating these other women stops her hating herself. she needs therapy and to leave that man.
|
nta
i think your sister wants to *be* jane, by that i mean in her position. she's 10 years younger and had the sense to get away from that sleaze when she saw him for what he was. a lot of misdirected anger going on here.
|
nta. your sister is an obsessed stalker who is more focused on jane's life than she is her own. i think you're right that she's like that because her own life is a disaster, and she wants a distraction from that, but also someone to focus her hate on.
|
nta. these issues are heavily covered by the gottmans', who are very well respected domestic/family psychologists. her mentality is normal for someone who is betrayed, but you do not need to be on the receiving end of all of this. this is absolutely unhealthy, and your sister needs counselling asap.
|
nta. your sister is obsessed with jane because of the lack of "crazy".
jane broke it off and moved in as soon as she found out, proving herself to be a decent person and not at all willing to humiliate herself for the douche-canoe.
she wants that crazy obsessed side-piece behaviour to,
1. make herself look like a martyr
2. feel smug that her husband won't go anywhere. because of course he won't.
you are not the ah. sit back and watch the drama like the wannabe mexican telenovela it is. good luck.
|
nta…i’m a soon to be ex-wife of a serial cheater so i get how she feels. she needs a therapist and to get out. for whatever reason, she’s stuck in this loop watching the woman move on, unscathed and glow up while she’s stuck in her own personal hell with a man who doesn’t want her. i’m willing to bet cash money (tops $10) that she’s scared to move on because ‘the evil you know’ etc… i waited until my daughter was in her final year of high school to make moves and i’m in therapy. she needs counseling.
|
nta. your sister is too obsessed with this, the girl didn't even knew he was married and she prefers to guilt her instead his husband. she didn't won anything, she's still with the cheater who must be looking for another girl while jane continued her life.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want my sister finding this. my sister "annie" (30'sf) is obsessed with a girl, let's say jane (20'sf), that her husband cheated on her with in mid 2020. idk why. jane's not the first or the last. she was one of the decent ones. didn't realize he was married, broke it off when she found out, and sent the proof of his cheating to his wife. somehow he spun this as "she's trying break us up," and my sister fell for it. which is stupid because jane already blocked them on everything. he's the one that basically stalked her for months after. anyway, annie's been stalking jane's socials. any time jane posts about something bad happening, annie calls me up to gloat. any time she posts about anything good that happens, annie starts crying about how it's not fair. in the last few months jane apparently got a high paying new job, got engaged, and is pregnant. annie had a full on meltdown over it. it's all she ever wants to talk about. she'll call me at least twice a week with this shit, and text me multiple times a day. she doesn't want advice, doesn't want to leave him, just want to vent endlessly. my other sister is also tired of this, but my mom says we need to be gentle because it's hard for annie. i just want her to stop! i tried sympathy, tough love, changing the subject, suggested counselling, nothing works. it's nonstop jane did this and jane said that. i hit my boiling point this morning when she was going on about how jane's fiance would cheat because she's too fat (she's pregnant!) and her baby would be a basterd, etc.. then she said "i don't care because i won and she lost. she had him for a week and i have him for a lifetime." for some reason that made me snap. i told annie she "won" a slimy serial cheater who likes to creep on barely legal teens, who never supported her through illness or depression, never lifts a finger around the house, sulks about having to "babysit" his own kids, constantly makes mean jokes about her, and criticizes her appearance harshly even though he's below average in looks. i said something like "maybe you're obsessed with jane's life because it's yours is a massive dumpster fire." since then, i had to deactivate my socials because i'm getting nonstop hate from annie, her friends, and extended family for being cruel. apparently i have no morals and condone cheating? none of them are going for the actual cheater though? just me for pointing out that he's a cheater? my other sister says that i wasn't wrong, but i was an ah to say it so harshly, and that annie is a victim too. idk reddit, am i? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want my sister finding this. my sister "annie" (30'sf) is obsessed with a girl, let's say jane (20'sf), that her husband cheated on her with in mid 2020. idk why. jane's not the first or the last. she was one of the decent ones. didn't realize he was married, broke it off when she found out, and sent the proof of his cheating to his wife. somehow he spun this as "she's trying break us up," and my sister fell for it. which is stupid because jane already blocked them on everything. he's the one that basically stalked her for months after. anyway, annie's been stalking jane's socials. any time jane posts about something bad happening, annie calls me up to gloat. any time she posts about anything good that happens, annie starts crying about how it's not fair. in the last few months jane apparently got a high paying new job, got engaged, and is pregnant. annie had a full on meltdown over it. it's all she ever wants to talk about. she'll call me at least twice a week with this shit, and text me multiple times a day. she doesn't want advice, doesn't want to leave him, just want to vent endlessly. my other sister is also tired of this, but my mom says we need to be gentle because it's hard for annie. i just want her to stop! i tried sympathy, tough love, changing the subject, suggested counselling, nothing works. it's nonstop jane did this and jane said that. i hit my boiling point this morning when she was going on about how jane's fiance would cheat because she's too fat (she's pregnant!) and her baby would be a basterd, etc.. then she said "i don't care because i won and she lost. she had him for a week and i have him for a lifetime." for some reason that made me snap. i told annie she "won" a slimy serial cheater who likes to creep on barely legal teens, who never supported her through illness or depression, never lifts a finger around the house, sulks about having to "babysit" his own kids, constantly makes mean jokes about her, and criticizes her appearance harshly even though he's below average in looks. i said something like "maybe you're obsessed with jane's life because it's yours is a massive dumpster fire." since then, i had to deactivate my socials because i'm getting nonstop hate from annie, her friends, and extended family for being cruel. apparently i have no morals and condone cheating? none of them are going for the actual cheater though? just me for pointing out that he's a cheater? my other sister says that i wasn't wrong, but i was an ah to say it so harshly, and that annie is a victim too. idk reddit, am i? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. your sister is obsessed with someone who her husband cheated on her with, broke up with said husband once she found out about him still being married and has since moved on. what your sister needs is professional help. </s>
|
AITA for not thinking the joke my family played on my GF was a big deal?
|
i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though.
we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left.
i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it.
i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day.
we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here?
| 17,186 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kkbm2a/aita_for_not_thinking_the_joke_my_family_played/
|
2020-12-26 03:24:26
|
yta
massive yta
you might think your gf is beautiful, but i guarantee you that when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see beauty, she sees a defacing scar. and you allow, and support your family in making that the identifying feature of how they see her.
by allowing your family to treat her that way, she is no longer 'your beautiful girlfriend', she is 'that freak with the scar that he brought over'.
a joke is not a joke if the subject of it is not laughing.
you are such an ah, i want to really smack you over the head with this fact.
|
you and your family are the assholes here. 100%.
also, screen printed shirts? they really invested money into bullying her and you think that’s cute or something?
|
yta. you, your sister, and your parents are most certainly, without question, beyond the shadow of any reasonable doubt a whole entire family of major league assholes.
ninety-nine times out of ten, expressions like "i just have a dark sense of humour," "that's just the way i am," or "relax it's just a joke" are just cop-outs for being rude, selfish, arrogant, condescending, and/or just generally *mean* to other people without accepting responsibility for the repercussions of your actions. by employing these phrases when your actions upset someone you're proving that you have absolutely zero regard for their thoughts or feelings.
you can tell us that your family meant no harm and that they were just being funny until you're blue in the face... but when you get right down to it the "humour" being employed was at the expense of someone who has expressed discomfort with in the past and that you have failed spectacularly to listen to. because your "sense of humour" is more important to you than the feelings of the person you're subjecting to your humour.
you're a family of bullies, plain and simple. your sister and your mother teamed up to bully your girlfriend at christmas. they've bullied her previously as well, and you're continuing to defend and enable their behaviour. and to top it all off you're trying to convince her that *she's* the one in the wrong here.
|
[deleted]
|
wait, back up a second. are you actually saying that your mother spent money to put something you know they make fun of her for on an ugly sweater and can't figure out why she got upset and actually think she's overreacting?
let's break it down for you then. they make fun of her appearance, which you seem to think is acceptable with how you talk about it. it's not acceptable it doesn't matter if you hide behind the dark sense of humor defense, it's not ok.
you badger her to go to christmas when she clearly didn't want to go, and when she did, sure enough, your family just couldn't help themselves. the "joke" was them putting her face on their ugly sweaters, think about it for a second, why is the sweater called an ugly sweater? because it has something you deem ugly or tacky on it. they put her face all over it. that isn't a joke, and i genuinely don't understand how you think it is.
then instead of coming to her defense, you laughed too. no, she didn't ruin the whole day, your family ruined the day.
it wasn't a joke, it was bullying. just because you didn't realize they were going to do that doesn't give you an excuse for not standing up for her, and saying sorry you were offended isn't an apology!
you and your family **yta!**
|
i don’t get the joke. explain it to me please? what makes it funny?
ps: yta.
|
yta
your presumptions are all flawed from the start. it's a fallacy to think that a joke *can't possibly* make you an asshole. it most certainly can, and it has made your whole family (besides for your cousin) gaping wide assholes.
to start, as soon as your girlfriend expressed discomfort with their nasty insults and "jokes," you should've told your family that she does not share their horrible "sense of humor," so please don't comment on her appearance or her scar.
>that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times.
how dare you. you have no right to be pissed off. your girlfriend expressed a boundary, you agreed to it, you failed to communicate and enforce it, you failed to take her side or defend her. she merely enforced her boundary that you agreed to, and in a perfectly reasonable way.
>my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it.
your sister is a schoolyard bully and her judgment is obviously flawed. she also thought making a mocking sweater of someone else was a good idea. in short, she's a shitty character reference.
>she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly.
your gf is 100% correct on all counts.
>i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting.
she did not overreact. she reacted. to a mean-spirited pattern of disrespect and humiliation that you approve of.
>i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke
apologizing for someone's feelings is a hugely basic failure, implying that their feelings are wrong. every time a celebrity pulls this bs, they get called out across the internet. how could you even think this was going to be accepted?
her feelings are valid and justified. you should be sorry not that she was offended, but that you and your family offended her. get it? you don't get to apologize for her feelings. you get to apologize for causing those feelings. you apologize for your own actions and behaviors.
|
yta and so is your family, if this isn’t a troll post. i hope she dumps you.
|
yta. hey, dude. let me teach you a little something about comedy:
three things every comedian knows.
1. know your audience. don’t make holocaust jokes around jewish people. most of them probably won’t find it very funny.
2. keep jokes personal to your life. make jokes based on *your experiences*, because a mistranslation in intent when making a joke to another person can turn it from funny in your head to “i really want to fucking murder you at the moment” in the other person’s.
3. if the joke is more offensive than it is funny, it’s not fucking funny.
your family put your girlfriends face on an *ugly sweater*, so called because it is with the intent of being ugly, and this is repeat behavior your girlfriend told you she is not comfortable with... and you expect her to just let it slide?
it’s not even a joke at that point. it’s targeted, intentional harassment.
have fun jacking off next year buddy. yt motherfucking a.
|
yta - **she didn’t even want to go with you** but went anyways under the condition and promise that you would stand up for her if your family treated her poorly like they have before. the amount of planning and effort it took for your mom and sister to make these sweaters shows that it is clearly not a joke - it’s targeted harassment. they are being abusive and you’re not only making her endure it but also insisting she put on a brave face because “it’s just a joke”.
i’m assuming the reason you can’t see how abusive this all is is because your family has normalized this kind of batshit crazy behaviour. however, regardless, you have chosen “jokes” over the comfort and happiness of your girlfriend. for her sake i hope that she leaves you because you and your family are horrible.
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though. we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left. i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it. i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day. we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25m) have a girlfriend (23f) who is absolutely beautiful, but she does have a large facial scar. my family often jokes about it, they have a super dark sense of humor. it bothers my girlfriend, and she says it doesn’t feel like a joke, it feels like she’s being insulted under the pretense of it being dark humor. even though i explain it’s just how they are and they don’t mean any harm, she doesn’t really want to be around them. i told her it was really important to me we spend christmas with my family, we would all quarantine first and test but it was important to me. she resisted at first, but after some urging from me she gave in. she said i absolutely could not excuse their behavior if they made a rude comment about her though. we got there and it was fine for a while. then my mom and sister broke out their matching ugly sweaters, that had my girlfriends face all over it. they both laughed, saying my mom made them (screen printed) and it was just a joke. my dad thought it was hilarious, i even chuckled a little because she’s really beautiful, so it was ironic they put her on the “ugly” sweater. my girlfriend looked at me, and when i said they were just being ironic, she shook her head, got up and left. didn’t say anything to anyone, just took her car and left. i called her several times, and she didn’t answer. the only text i received was “you need to find your own way home.” that pissed me off, and i called her a couple more times. the whole time, my mom is upset because it was just a joke and she didn’t realize my girlfriend was going to overreact like that. i told her that a warning would have been nice, but my sister agreed it was just a joke and my girlfriend was being a baby about it. i had another fight with my girlfriend when i finally got home and she said i was an asshole for putting her in that situation and i said i didn’t realize they were going to do that and they were being ironic because she was beautiful. she said i let them treat her badly and was trying to make it her fault when it was my family who was acting badly. i said it was just a joke and that she was overreacting. she asked how it was supposed to be a joke. i said that was just their sense of humor. i said i was sorry she was offended by the joke, but she ruined the whole day with her reaction. she said that no, them realizing she wasn’t going to take their bullshit anymore ruined the day. we aren’t speaking currently, but when a cousin called to wish me a merry christmas and asked how the day went i mentioned what happened and he straight up called me an asshole for doing that to her. i don’t really think i’ve done anything though, i didn’t know they were going to do that, and really it was just a joke and i think she’s overreacting, am i really ta here? [/INST] yta massive yta you might think your gf is beautiful, but i guarantee you that when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see beauty, she sees a defacing scar. and you allow, and support your family in making that the identifying feature of how they see her. by allowing your family to treat her that way, she is no longer 'your beautiful girlfriend', she is 'that freak with the scar that he brought over'. a joke is not a joke if the subject of it is not laughing. you are such an ah, i want to really smack you over the head with this fact. </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?
|
i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.
what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come.
i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.
her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen."
i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm.
with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent?
she said she assumed she would be living at home.
i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own.
this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc.
i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself.
aita?
**
| 27,377 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iunsyq/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_i_absolutely_do/
|
2020-09-17 17:11:58
|
nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that.
her entitlement is astounding.
|
nta. listen to me please, this is a recipe for her to be in an abusive relationship.
i was a sahm (step kid). i had no money of my own and no support system. he was physically, sexually, emotionally, and financially abusive.
when i left after he raped me i had a trash bag of stuff on my back and no where to go. i had $150 that i had hidden from him by not paying the bills that month.
she needs to be self sufficient. she needs her own money. she needs a way out if her husband hits her. i met so many women at the domestic violence shelter i was in who did not have a penny to their names when they escaped their abuser.
even encouraging her to get an early childhood development degree to help her become a better mother would be good. a job in a daycare. something to help her not be reliant on someone else.
but teach her the red flags of relationships. teach her about gaslighting, love bombing, and other manipulation techniques abusers use to get their victims under their control.
show her [the hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/) and [love is respect ](https://www.loveisrespect.org)
if so much of her life plan is dependent on another person she needs to vet them well. but at the beginning of any relationship, especially abusive ones, everything looks golden and rosy. she should always have a way out.
|
nta. in high school, i also wanted to be a sahm. unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me. i’m 33, single, and childless. sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok. she really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a sahm.
|
nta, she is being delusional. you are being perfectly reasonable.
|
i'd strongly steer her toward culinary arts and the hospitality industry. many of those skills transfer over to being a good sahm. then, even if the husband and kids thing doesn't happen right away, she'd have a means of support while improving the skills, at least.
i'm a stay- at home mom 5 days a week, i work the front desk at a local hotel on weekends. it's the easiest job i've ever had. and it's very similar to what i do at home. vacuum and clean the lobby, get stuff ready for breakfast, and soothe tantrums of tired people. i barely needed any training lol.
|
nta i'll admit i was ready to say you were the asshole being a stay at home wife myself. there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can't be her only option. that's how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependant on your partner to survive. i may not have a college degree but i do have experience in sales and tech support and if i needed out i could do it. also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled. sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.
|
nta at all. your daughter's path in life is totally unreasonable. i think the guidelines you have set up for her are totally reasonable. it almost sounds like she wants to be a freeloader more than a sahm. she should have some experience, whether it's college or a small job, to help set her up for success
|
nta.
she needs a back up plan because she's setting herself up for financial abuse and so on. i'm assuming from what you've said she doesn't currently have a boyfriend or fiance, so can i ask where she thinks she's going to meet this future husband if she doesn't work or do evening classes or any of the things you do to get out of the damn house and meet people? her plan is gross, imo, she doesn't want a "happy marriage," she wants someone to pay for all her stuff so she never has to be independent. the fact she activity wants to marry military shows how irrelevant the husband actually is in her plans - she is going for the option where her partner will be around the home least! plus, military guys are wise to this sort of thing - maybe tell her to look up the term "dependa" so she can see just how little respect women who marry military just to say they have/to get the benefits get from people (please note i don't condone any of the stuff people say about so called "dependas" but that is sadly the reality of what she would be facing in her plan).
i don't really think many men would find "yeah so i'm never going to work, we have to get married asap, and i'll have a couple of kids in return for you making all the money" an attractive prospect on a first date - and any man who does should probably be avoided anyway as he won't want a wife, he wants a slave.
regardless of *any* of these things, your daughter needs skills. she needs to be able to provide for herself. she needs to see herself as an independent person, not just an extension of her parents and potential husband. you're right - what if the husband dies, or cheats on her, or turns out to be an abusive person? what can she then fall back on to support her future children?
|
nta. being a stay at home mom is fine but requires a kid first
|
info: how old is your kid? are you arguing with someone who's near graduating highschool or like a 13 year old who just wants to stay home and do nil all day?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. it's not like that. i get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense. what i have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a sahm. as in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. i told her that it doesn't have to be college, that not everyone needs college. but that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids. her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband -- she would move in with us and go from there. we would help them survive. i told her then, what happens if we die, or we're incapacitated? she said "i don't know, mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen." i told her bluntly that i don't want her becoming nancy botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. i emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*. she can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. she can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. but she says no, she's going to plan to be a sahm. with that all in mind, i asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? she said "just try to find a husband. maybe marry someone in the military." i asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? her rent? she said she assumed she would be living at home. i told her no, and that she would be moving out. she could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. but that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she's on her own. this didn't go over well, and i am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge bitch, etc. i don't think i'm wrong at all. i want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. if this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, i don't want to have her come knocking at our door because she can't afford to take care of herself. aita? ** [/INST] nta, her expectations for life are unrealistic. you're doing your part as a parent and showing her that. her entitlement is astounding. </s>
|
AITA For refusing to let a female student use the bathroom?
|
okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect?
| 13,663 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdzue8/aita_for_refusing_to_let_a_female_student_use_the/
|
2022-01-27 14:37:56
|
yta
**it is never ok for you to comment on a teenage girl's biological functions, true or untrue.**
you should have just said, "you have not participated in (x number of classes/ x number of weeks), and if you do not participate *i am going to have to give you a failing grade."*
that is the limit of your authority.
&#x200b;
|
assuming this is an adolescent girl, yeah yta.
1) menstruation is completely unpredictable in the early years so it could be a truthful thing (doubt it) but it could.
2) if you noticed she stopped participating, why not have a conversation about it instead of embarrassing her in front of the class? i’m sure you recall how god awful it is to be in a developing body and as a girl, you also get the added bonus of boys looking and making disgusting comments.
|
yta you know there was a better way to handle that. you let this go on for 2 months without contacting her parents and letting them know what was going on? or your boss? instead humiliated a teenage girl.
|
info: if this was a pattern, why weren't you able to address your concerns with a, a's parents/guardians, or a school representative in private rather than calling her out publicly in class?
|
yta - you will not win this one.
your next steps should be:
1. speak with your union's legal counsel for your next steps.
2. stop posting on social media sites trying to justify what you did and garner internet points - because all it does is show you're an asshole who loves to humiliate women/girls.
3. educate yourself in proper ways to handle this in the future.
|
if she really goes to the toilet for 45 minutes, why didn't you talk to her parents a long time ago?
|
bro. when i went on the depo shot my period lasted nine months straight. i literally was bleeding or spotting every day for 9 months.
i also once bled through a pair of jeans onto the seat of a chair because a teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom during class. i even told her (her!!) that i was on my period and i was going to bleed through. i missed the entire next period because i had to spend the next hour cleaning myself up and changing into the spare set of pants i had (i had a really heavy period so bleeding through wasn't uncommon at all).
she may be abusing the system (male teachers are too uncomfortable to probe when it comes to menstruation) but you have literally no idea and there are way better ways to address this issue to include addressing it privately with her guardians/parents.
yta and your mishandling of this situation may cost you your career.
|
yta- so you chose humiliation to try and stop this. after the first month you call a meeting with the parents or send them an email. you totally missed any chance of helping her with whatever issue is going on.
|
i can see your reasoning but i would have sent her to the nurse and then got her parents involved to make sure she is either lying or have real issues.
yta
|
info: did you say this to a in private or in front of other students?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, so. i know the title makes me look like a major asshole but hear me out. i m46 work at a highschool as a pe teacher and recently i noticed that a student of mine, let's call her a stopped participating in class, and her excuse would always be the same. "mr. smith (me) i'm on my period, can i please go to bathroom?" this carried on every pe lesson for 1 month when our unit was dancing and i had to give each student a mark. at this point a was concerningly behind everyone in our unit and i had nothing to grade her on and i was getting increasingly annoyed and up until this point i had never told her no when she always used the bathroom and would come back after 45 minutes so once again she asked if she could use the bathroom because she was on her period and i just snapped. "a, if you're on your period this often, multiple times in 2 months then i honestly think you need medical help. i have to grade you, come up and participate." later that day at around 17:00 i was placed on temporary leave because of the complaints i got from a's parents and a had also gotten her friends and their parents to complain. i was being called sexist and multiple other names by the students parents and i was honestly so confused and multiple of the students parents threatend the principal to turn to social media or even enroll their girls in another school because of me since they felt unsafe with a sexist teacher. so, aita and what should be my next action to regain the parents respect? [/INST] yta **it is never ok for you to comment on a teenage girl's biological functions, true or untrue.** you should have just said, "you have not participated in (x number of classes/ x number of weeks), and if you do not participate *i am going to have to give you a failing grade."* that is the limit of your authority. &#x200b; </s>
|
AITA For telling a stranger to delete a picture of me and my seizure alert dog that he took of me on the bus even after he told me why?
|
heya.
so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not.
i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background:
i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross).
ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way.
now onto the story:
i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash.
i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home.
the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog"
i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it.
i was then at my stop and ran home.
i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong.
should i have just let him keep the picture? aita?
edit to clear up some things:
-i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation
-i'm a female :)
-i live in canada
-while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse
-if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it.
| 23,595 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e015on/aita_for_telling_a_stranger_to_delete_a_picture/
|
2019-11-22 13:44:27
|
nta and his excuse is bs- his daughter has epilepsy he should know that a flash can be a trigger and it's 2019 he can google a picture to show his daughter.
if she is young enough that it "is important to show her working dogs" (making it sound like the child isn't very old) then she is young enough that "i couldn't get a picture because he was working with his person but here is a pic of others in life that i found online" would be sufficient.
|
why tf is he taking a picture with his flash on then!?!?! what a dick
|
nta. he could've asked first. by using his flash, he may have triggered an episode. you have the right to privacy and to not have your picture taken, even in the name of advocacy.
|
nta.
i hate this increasingly pervasive idea that snapshotting a complete stranger isn't assholish just because it's legal. that just because you had the gall to walk outside, you're a prick for not wanting some rando to take you or your child's picture.
my sister has a unique feature, and many times throughout her life, people have felt completely entitled to a picture of her. when she's on the bus. when she's walking down the street. when she's leaning against the wall of an airport. she'll be minding her own business, then someone takes a picture.
yes, people. we all know it's legal. but unless you're a photojournalist covering an event, you're still a dick for not asking first. you're not ansel adams. you're a rando with an iphone.
|
nta. should have asked for permission *before* taking the photo
|
nta. someone is bound to come into this post with "but it's legal!!!!!" because a lot of people think something being legal makes it okay.
|
nta in the slightest. he doesn’t have the right to take a photo of you or your dog, especially if the dog is on duty. it would be different if he had asked permission to take a photo of the dog.
also if he recognised the seizure id on the dog, why the fuck is he using the flash in front of you?!
|
nah. i'm going to go out on a limb and say the flash was accidental, we've all been there, and on a well lit bus i don't think anyone would be using the flash feature deliberately.
yeah, the idea of someone taking a photo of you without your consent sucks, but the intention here was clearly that he was focused on the dog, not you. it's a bit rude yes, but i'll be honest, i've taken pictures of cute dogs, service or non service, that i've seen on public transport, just because my partner and i like dogspotting. sometimes the owner will end up in shot, sometimes not - i'll generally crop them out before sharing it if so.
i totally understand you feeling uncomfortable with this, and the discomfort came from the fact the flash was on so you knew what he was doing. but i also totally get that he didn't mean any harm to you and wasn't trying to photograph you for really dodgy reasons, he just thought your dog was awesome and wanted to show his daughter (or someone else maybe, idk) "look at this awesome working dog i saw helping his human today".
it's an awkward and uncomfortable situation, and you're within your rights to say "i don't like that you did that, please delete it". but i also don't think there's much wrong with him taking a photo of a cute working animal in public. so i don't think anyone involved is an asshole per se.
|
i don't get reddit sometimes. i see posts where people are filming other people and the comments scream they have the absolute right to do so, but then a situation like this comes up and all of a sudden the guy filming is the antichrist.
|
it takes a special kind of idiot to take a flash photo of an epileptic person who's being alerted by their seizure dog.
he doesn't even have the excuse of being unfamiliar with the topic. he's just a selfish idiot.
seriously, never take pictures without consent, that's not hard to memorize. hell, i would have strangled him, and flash photos just cause me migraines, not freaking seizures.
you are nta and that guy is as smart and emotionally capable as a turnip.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: heya. so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not. i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background: i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross). ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way. now onto the story: i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash. i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home. the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog" i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it. i was then at my stop and ran home. i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong. should i have just let him keep the picture? aita? edit to clear up some things: -i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation -i'm a female :) -i live in canada -while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse -if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
heya. so this happened a few days ago, and i'm still pretty worried about whether i'm an asshole or not. i take the bus to and from work and it's quite a long commute. background: i have epilepsy. i have a seizure alert dog, and he comes with me on the bus. because hes trained to do all kinds of support tasks, hes a large breed dog (sheepdog/poodle cross). ive had a lot of seizures on the bus, so i have a hard time mentally dealing with the commute every day. to accommodate his size and to make me comfortable, i sit in the disability seating section if it's available so he can lay beneath/between my legs and out of the way. now onto the story: i'm on the bus ride home, and i found a seat in the disability section. i was about 2 stops from my home, and i was starting to have a few auras, so my dog turned around and was facing me/alerting me. the next thing i know, i see a flash. i look up, and a man sitting near me was holding up his phone and taking a picture of me. i was in a bit of a rough state, so i asked him to delete it. i was probably firmer than i usually would be, but my dog was alerting me and i had about 10-15 mins to get home. the man was stuttering and saying things like "i just wanted a picture he was being so cute and i saw his id badge (he has one attached to his vest that says "seizure alert dog")." i asked him again to delete the pic and then he goes "my daughter has epilepsy and it would be important to her to see a working seizure alert dog" i told him there were plenty of resources online and made him show me that he deleted it. i was then at my stop and ran home. i felt bad, because i do epilepsy activism work so i felt for him but i was really uncomfortable with someone taking a picture of me while my seizure alert dog in the disability section just felt wrong. should i have just let him keep the picture? aita? edit to clear up some things: -i dont care about legality, just the asshole nature of the situation -i'm a female :) -i live in canada -while i dont have exclusive photosensitive epilepsy, flashing lights make my auras worse -if he had asked me, i would have gotten out of the way and let him take a picture of my dog. hes super cute so i get it. [/INST] nta and his excuse is bs- his daughter has epilepsy he should know that a flash can be a trigger and it's 2019 he can google a picture to show his daughter. if she is young enough that it "is important to show her working dogs" (making it sound like the child isn't very old) then she is young enough that "i couldn't get a picture because he was working with his person but here is a pic of others in life that i found online" would be sufficient. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my trans daughter come out to our extended family until after our vacation?
|
my daughter (f17) is transgender, but she is currently only out to her immediate family. my husband and i call her by her preferred name and use the right pronouns for her, but as nobody else in the family knows she’s trans, they refer to her by her deadname and with he/him pronouns. so far this has only been in periods of around an hour or two, so (in her words) it’s been “slightly bearable”
but the thing is, we’re going on a week long vacation with some of our relatives soon, and we are all sharing a house. because of this, our daughter will be referred to by her deadname and will be presenting as male. she has expressed her discontent with this, (to the point that she’s considering not going on the vacation and staying home), but her father and i both agree that she should wait until afterwards to come out.
it’s not that anybody in the family is transphobic- if anything they’re probably the opposite. i’m not worried about her being in any danger or facing any transphobic comments. but i worry that it won’t be enough time for them to fully understand that our daughter is trans, and that the topic would take up the entire vacation, which nobody wants. we all just want to be able to have a nice vacation and not have to deal with this gender stuff. am i in the wrong for not letting her come out, or is my daughter being selfish?
| 4,076 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wisp5w/aita_for_not_letting_my_trans_daughter_come_out/
|
2022-08-07 22:59:03
|
yta - the comment about wanting to have a nice holiday and not deal with this gender stuff 😬
that being said, could you tell them before so they have 'enough time' to process and you can all enjoy the holiday, your daughter included?
|
so because you don't want your vacation inconvenienced by your daughter announcing that she's trans and allowing everything to sink in for family, she has to go through the torture of hearing the wrong pronouns and being deadnamed for a week?
if you're that worried about your precious vacation being inconvenienced, just let your daughter stay home. in all honesty if your family is as nice and kind as you say they are, this should be all of 5 minutes and everyone can move on. what would be easier and better is to just make an announcement now, before you go so everyone can have time to adjust before the vacation.
yta.
edit for clarity: i assume some mistakes will be made in adjusting on vacation but that in my mind (and i have a trans wife), it seems preferable to provide a minor correction to name and pronouns than having to hide herself. at least there will be an effort made. this is how i imagine it will go:
family: hey, [deadname] you want to go swimming?
daughter: my name is [name]
family: sorry! [name], do you want to go swimming?
op is still ta for thinking this is in any way an inconvenience and that this kind of "gender stuff" will ruin the vacation. this is about asshole mom being upset and embarrassed about having a trans kid under the guise of faux and superficial support.
|
yta
you’d rather your daughter be dead named and deal with the dysphoria at having to present male for a solid week to avoid awkward conversations.
“the topic would take up the entire vacation which no one wants”
uhm, no. **you** don’t want it, no one outside of your home even knows.
“we all just want a nice vacation without all this gender stuff”
what is wrong with you??
|
i am having trouble understanding your rationale for not telling everyone right _now_.
you already said the family would be more than fine with it, so you're not hiding it to protect your daughter. you're hiding it to... what? to not have it be a topic during the vacation? seriously??
do you really think people will be talking about it night and day, and unable to enjoy the vacation? what kind of vacations do you do?!?
it sound to me more like you are uncomfortable with the topic, and don't want to hear about it on a "nice vacation". if she was just recently engaged, or pregnant, or whatever - would you hide that until after a vacation??
so yeah, yta.
if you tell everyone now, _before_ the vacation even starts, they'll have time to digest it.
|
yta. i also want to point out that in an earlier post in your history, you expressed discomfort with your daughter wanting to be on hrt. but the fact that you are pressuring her to use her deadname and dress in masculine clothing means that she isn't even being allowed to socially transition. you aren't supporting her and you are sending her the signal that she should just be quietly miserable in the closet. this is dangerous to her mental health.
|
yta here
it's really awful of you to expect your daughter to accept being misgendered and forced to present as male when she's not. if your family isn't transphobic then there's no reason for this other than *your* selfishness.
|
if your family isn't transphobic and wouldn't have a problem then why is this still a big secret?
why is she subjected to being dead named at each family function when this could have been dealt with when she came out?
yta for subjecting your daughter to this for no reason.
|
soo...you want your daughter to spend the whole vacation being miserable because you don't want to have to talk about 'gender stuff' while you're trying to relax? you are a massive asshole and i can see your daughter going low or no contact as soon as she is financially able. **edit to add yta you don't get to decide when someone else comes out. sounds like you've been forcing her to pit it off for a while.
|
ohmygod yta
and you're transphobic too.
forcing your daughter to pretend to be a guy, and to be deadnamed for an entire week by people who supposedly love her, is unspeakably cruel.
|
info how does your *daughter* want to handle the vacation, coming out, relatives, etc?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter (f17) is transgender, but she is currently only out to her immediate family. my husband and i call her by her preferred name and use the right pronouns for her, but as nobody else in the family knows she’s trans, they refer to her by her deadname and with he/him pronouns. so far this has only been in periods of around an hour or two, so (in her words) it’s been “slightly bearable” but the thing is, we’re going on a week long vacation with some of our relatives soon, and we are all sharing a house. because of this, our daughter will be referred to by her deadname and will be presenting as male. she has expressed her discontent with this, (to the point that she’s considering not going on the vacation and staying home), but her father and i both agree that she should wait until afterwards to come out. it’s not that anybody in the family is transphobic- if anything they’re probably the opposite. i’m not worried about her being in any danger or facing any transphobic comments. but i worry that it won’t be enough time for them to fully understand that our daughter is trans, and that the topic would take up the entire vacation, which nobody wants. we all just want to be able to have a nice vacation and not have to deal with this gender stuff. am i in the wrong for not letting her come out, or is my daughter being selfish?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (f17) is transgender, but she is currently only out to her immediate family. my husband and i call her by her preferred name and use the right pronouns for her, but as nobody else in the family knows she’s trans, they refer to her by her deadname and with he/him pronouns. so far this has only been in periods of around an hour or two, so (in her words) it’s been “slightly bearable” but the thing is, we’re going on a week long vacation with some of our relatives soon, and we are all sharing a house. because of this, our daughter will be referred to by her deadname and will be presenting as male. she has expressed her discontent with this, (to the point that she’s considering not going on the vacation and staying home), but her father and i both agree that she should wait until afterwards to come out. it’s not that anybody in the family is transphobic- if anything they’re probably the opposite. i’m not worried about her being in any danger or facing any transphobic comments. but i worry that it won’t be enough time for them to fully understand that our daughter is trans, and that the topic would take up the entire vacation, which nobody wants. we all just want to be able to have a nice vacation and not have to deal with this gender stuff. am i in the wrong for not letting her come out, or is my daughter being selfish? [/INST] yta - the comment about wanting to have a nice holiday and not deal with this gender stuff 😬 that being said, could you tell them before so they have 'enough time' to process and you can all enjoy the holiday, your daughter included? </s>
|
AITA for telling somebody to clean up my trash and leaving the restaurant?
|
i was at chipotle for lunch today and i was sitting at a 2 person table by myself. i finished eating and went to get a refill, and 2 girls were sitting at my table. i told them that i was still sitting there since i still had 20 mins of lunch left. they pretty much ignored me and said “there’s no more open seats”. so i said fuck it and started to walk away when they said “are you gonna throw away your trash?” which i replied “it’s not my table” and left. aita?
| 18,703 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpfl0d/aita_for_telling_somebody_to_clean_up_my_trash/
|
2019-08-12 17:29:21
|
nta. not sure why they were sitting at a table with trash in it (assuming like your tray was still there) seems like a good sign someone is sitting there.
|
nta. i mean, yes, you're the asshole, but it's justified assholery. you're the asshole the city needs right now.
|
nta - assuming they were as bitchy about it as you've implied here and weren't saying it in a "we had no choice, would it be okay if we sat here too?" way, then they should have handled it more politely.
|
this is pretty petty tbh.
esh.
if you're done with your food and get up, just leave the table and take your trash with you. go sit on a bench or chill in your car or go to a starbucks if you wanna chill for the last bit of your break. it's rude to sit and hold a table in a busy restaurant if you're done.
on their end though, it was super douchey to take someone's table without making sure they were done and then to be bitchy about your trash on top of that.
no decency was had in this exchange - esh.
|
in my opinion esh.
1. you're leaving extra work for the staff to do, since these girls probably didn't throw the trash out for you
2. honestly, what is the point of occupying a table when you're not even eating anymore and the place is crowded? you could just have gone elsewhere to spend the rest of your lunch break.
they were assholes too for not apologizing for taking a table that was occupied. even if they needed it it's just polite to apologize and be nice in this case.
|
esh, but you are a bigger one because you planned to stay there for 20min after eating in a packed restaurant
|
esh
it’s obvious why the two girls suck (they were rude). however, you planned to sit in a packed place after you ate your food for 20 min. i saw your comment saying it was hot, but you could’ve gone literally anywhere else. where i am it can get pretty hot so i go to a bookstore and browse for a fit before going to work. i would never just sit in a packed restaurant.
|
yes, of course yta. you left a table, finished eating and then went back to camp a table in a restaurant that was so busy that two girls sat at a table with trash on it. when you came back they didn't ignore you, according to your own story they told you there were no more open seats. then you left your trash and walked out.
of course you were the asshole, for a handful of reasons.
|
nta. if you had gotten up to leave, and they said, excuse me, are you leaving? and then you left without dealing with your trash, then you would have been. but in this case, definitely not.
|
yta
1. no one really cares about your lunch break. it sounds childish to assume others care or should care about how you spend your lunch break.
2. you were going to camp at a busy restaurant? that’s assholery for sure. while other people stood with their food? restaurants post signs about your behavior to prevent it.
3. they spoke to you and explained things and you pouted and sassed off. i hope you flipped your hair on the way out!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.83666 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was at chipotle for lunch today and i was sitting at a 2 person table by myself. i finished eating and went to get a refill, and 2 girls were sitting at my table. i told them that i was still sitting there since i still had 20 mins of lunch left. they pretty much ignored me and said “there’s no more open seats”. so i said fuck it and started to walk away when they said “are you gonna throw away your trash?” which i replied “it’s not my table” and left. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was at chipotle for lunch today and i was sitting at a 2 person table by myself. i finished eating and went to get a refill, and 2 girls were sitting at my table. i told them that i was still sitting there since i still had 20 mins of lunch left. they pretty much ignored me and said “there’s no more open seats”. so i said fuck it and started to walk away when they said “are you gonna throw away your trash?” which i replied “it’s not my table” and left. aita? [/INST] nta. not sure why they were sitting at a table with trash in it (assuming like your tray was still there) seems like a good sign someone is sitting there. </s>
|
AITA for buying the dress that my friend wanted but couldn’t get because they don’t have it in plus size?
|
i and my friends are going to be bridesmaids in our friend’s wedding, and for the past few weeks we’ve been searching online for bridesmaids dresses and sharing links of dresses we like in our group chat so none of us ends up buying the same or very similar dresses. my friend ana sent a link for a green bateau dress and literally said “i love this but they don’t have it in my size.” (she is us 14.)
i agreed that the dress is beautiful while one of our other friends said that the skirt might be too wide for a bridesmaid dress. ana went on to send more links of other dresses and our group’s conversation moved along.
yesterday ana sent a message in our chat that she just ordered one of the dresses she showed us, and asked if we already chose a dress. i really liked the green bateau dress so i checked if they had it in my size (i am us 8) and they did so i told our group that i was going to order the bateau dress. no one replied immediately, but i didn’t think too much about it because it’s not uncommon for me and my friends to take a while before replying, specially during work hours. i ordered the dress.
a few hours later i got a call from one of my friends saying that ana called her and was upset that i ordered the bateau dress, knowing she liked it but couldn’t buy it because it wasn’t available in her size. my friend said ana thinks i’m trying to make her feel bad about her weight by flaunting that i can wear the dress she likes because i’m skinnier.
to be honest i have mixed emotions about what ana said, but trying to fix things comes first so i tried calling ana and sending her messages to apologize, explaining that i didn’t intend for her to feel that way. but she hasn’t answered my calls or messages.
so i just want to know: aita for thinking that there is nothing wrong with buying the dress ana liked but couldn’t buy because they didn’t have it in her size in the first place, or is my friend overreacting?
| 19,145 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctfxcb/aita_for_buying_the_dress_that_my_friend_wanted/
|
2019-08-21 12:08:20
|
nta
she couldnt have it, why does that mean nobody should have it?
its nothing to do with weight, it could've happened the other way around but they had size 14 instead of 8 and i can't imagine you would've been mad.
|
nta
however it would probably have been best to just check with her if it was cool if you bought it first. saying that if she had said no and you bought it anyways, i don't think you'd be the ah either. she can't wear it, so i don't see what right or reason for saying no one else can wear it. that's just a bit too entitled for me.
her reaction is the only reason i'm not going for nah. i don't see why you buying the dress automatically makes her think you're trying to rub in her face, the world doesn't revolve around her.
|
nah (except the company that makes the dress; c’mon, 14 is barely plus-size, especially if you just need more room on top). i can see why you didn’t realize this dress was so important to ana - and honestly, it may not have been until you picked it. but i can also see why she’d question why out of all the universe of possible options, you’d pick one you at least knew she was disappointed about and not even give her a heads up before making the purchase. i don’t necessarily think you need to change your mind, but assuming she does break her silence, you really need to put some effort into helping her find a kickass alternative.
|
as a girl who is a bit bigger (size l) - it can really hurt to see your skinny friend wear the outfit you would have loved to wear but you couldnt because of your size.
however i do think she is overreacting. yes it sucks and yes it can hurt but get over yourself. dont go creating drama where there is none. so nta
another however: i do think it would have been considerate of you to ask first (but not neccesairy, hence why i think she is overreacting). apparenty it wad a big deal to her and it would have been nice.
|
a mild yta - you should have asked her how she felt about you buying the dress first. if she'd been okay with it you'd have been golden, and if she was upset you'd have known not to order it.
|
nta. more than one person is allowed to like the same thing.
|
[deleted]
|
nah but i definitely would have not told people i purchased it that soon after she said she felt shitty she couldn't find it in her size.
you can't help that it was out of stock in her size but it seems a little tone-deaf to say, "i'm going to buy this pretty dress you brought to my attention since they have it in *my* size." you really can't imagine her feeling like crap about that?
|
nah
i really don't think you meant any harm. you liked the dress, it wasn't in her size anyway, you buy it, no issue. and some women wouldn't care at all! but everyone is different and i do see it from her perspective.
not being able to buy clothes because of your size is embarrassing to say the least. buying clothes as a women, especially a plus size women, can be a degrading, humiliating, awful experience full of shame and panic. it shouldn't be that way, but for a lot of women it still is.
it's not the same as them not having a size 6 so you just got it cause they had a size 8. it's not the same as a shoe size. she couldn't get it because she was too big. at the bare minimum she's going to feel embarrassed about her weight and size because of that. and she's not gonna blame the clothing company, she's gonna blame herself internally.
then you had to pick this dress she loved that she couldn't fit into, with all the dress options in the world. it comes across as you flaunting your smaller size.
inb4 what if she was buying a bigger size. then it would be different. because we shame bigger sizes not smaller sizes. it wouldn't come across as flaunting. for instance, not being able to buy a dress because it runs too big is not embarrassing. it's a source of pride for many women. we can't view the situation without taking into account what societal views are at play. sounding like a sjw sorry.
but you did the right thing by reaching out, and you didn't mean harm, but it was somewhat unintentionally insensitive and she has the right to be upset.
|
nah- this is a sticky situation. ultimately, while you could have found another dress, you should get what you feel good in for yourself. the other bridesmaid would have to get a different dress anyways. i’d recommend you contact that person and apologize, maybe offer to help her find a super cute alternative. let her know you meant nothing offensive and that you want her to be comfortable as well.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| 0.118193 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i and my friends are going to be bridesmaids in our friend’s wedding, and for the past few weeks we’ve been searching online for bridesmaids dresses and sharing links of dresses we like in our group chat so none of us ends up buying the same or very similar dresses. my friend ana sent a link for a green bateau dress and literally said “i love this but they don’t have it in my size.” (she is us 14.) i agreed that the dress is beautiful while one of our other friends said that the skirt might be too wide for a bridesmaid dress. ana went on to send more links of other dresses and our group’s conversation moved along. yesterday ana sent a message in our chat that she just ordered one of the dresses she showed us, and asked if we already chose a dress. i really liked the green bateau dress so i checked if they had it in my size (i am us 8) and they did so i told our group that i was going to order the bateau dress. no one replied immediately, but i didn’t think too much about it because it’s not uncommon for me and my friends to take a while before replying, specially during work hours. i ordered the dress. a few hours later i got a call from one of my friends saying that ana called her and was upset that i ordered the bateau dress, knowing she liked it but couldn’t buy it because it wasn’t available in her size. my friend said ana thinks i’m trying to make her feel bad about her weight by flaunting that i can wear the dress she likes because i’m skinnier. to be honest i have mixed emotions about what ana said, but trying to fix things comes first so i tried calling ana and sending her messages to apologize, explaining that i didn’t intend for her to feel that way. but she hasn’t answered my calls or messages. so i just want to know: aita for thinking that there is nothing wrong with buying the dress ana liked but couldn’t buy because they didn’t have it in her size in the first place, or is my friend overreacting?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i and my friends are going to be bridesmaids in our friend’s wedding, and for the past few weeks we’ve been searching online for bridesmaids dresses and sharing links of dresses we like in our group chat so none of us ends up buying the same or very similar dresses. my friend ana sent a link for a green bateau dress and literally said “i love this but they don’t have it in my size.” (she is us 14.) i agreed that the dress is beautiful while one of our other friends said that the skirt might be too wide for a bridesmaid dress. ana went on to send more links of other dresses and our group’s conversation moved along. yesterday ana sent a message in our chat that she just ordered one of the dresses she showed us, and asked if we already chose a dress. i really liked the green bateau dress so i checked if they had it in my size (i am us 8) and they did so i told our group that i was going to order the bateau dress. no one replied immediately, but i didn’t think too much about it because it’s not uncommon for me and my friends to take a while before replying, specially during work hours. i ordered the dress. a few hours later i got a call from one of my friends saying that ana called her and was upset that i ordered the bateau dress, knowing she liked it but couldn’t buy it because it wasn’t available in her size. my friend said ana thinks i’m trying to make her feel bad about her weight by flaunting that i can wear the dress she likes because i’m skinnier. to be honest i have mixed emotions about what ana said, but trying to fix things comes first so i tried calling ana and sending her messages to apologize, explaining that i didn’t intend for her to feel that way. but she hasn’t answered my calls or messages. so i just want to know: aita for thinking that there is nothing wrong with buying the dress ana liked but couldn’t buy because they didn’t have it in her size in the first place, or is my friend overreacting? [/INST] nta she couldnt have it, why does that mean nobody should have it? its nothing to do with weight, it could've happened the other way around but they had size 14 instead of 8 and i can't imagine you would've been mad. </s>
|
AITA for cutting my hair after a friend's death despite a contract that dictates what I'm allowed to do - or not to do - with my hair?
|
i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion.
one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying.
through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair.
i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me.
i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family.
part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now.
for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy.
now i look like steve from stranger things.
i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now.
now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone.
i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way.
am i the asshole for that?
| 22,923 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kscxoj/aita_for_cutting_my_hair_after_a_friends_death/
|
2021-01-07 13:09:12
|
nta, it’s your hair!
also get a lawyer. your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! they should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours.
when you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing.
plus hair grows back. get a cute cut, and new management.
this is why a child should not be the money earner in a family imo. it’s just a dependency that should not be created.
|
nta. though i will warn you that violating contract can and will put you in bad standing with management companies and people who can not follow contract or are "difficult" don't usually get worked with. yes it is your hair and your body, but i'm going with nta because you are a minor and i don't think you have fully consented to a lot of this. just remember with modeling, they want certain looks and that's why they they put it in contract.
now for some info that i think you need:
your parents are probably in violation of the jackie coogan law. or are about to be.
by law, 15% of your income was to be set aside where it can be monitored, but not accessed, by anyone until you turn 18. which is why they may be waiting to kick you out, because if they have been following that law, there is probably a rather large sum of money just sitting right now.
you actually have the ability to get legal recourse. i'm not a lawyer, but this is what i recommend:
1. contact cps. inform them you are a minor child actor/model and believe that you are being financially abused and that your parents may have been violating the "jackie coogan" law. google it and cite it specifically. cite your parents may also be in violation of child labor laws as well.
2. report this all to a school official as well. they are mandated reporters. if they scoff or try to convince you otherwise, state specifically "you are a mandated reporter. i am informing you of financial child abuse. by law you are required to make a report".
3. request a court appointed guardian ad litem and request a fact finding for your income and child labor work be performed.
4. contact your previous management company, or companies, that you were just let go from and request all your financial records, copies, of contracts, statements of work, etc. by law, they must provide them to you.
5. do not allow them to send those to your parents, and do not tell them what you are doing. have them either emailed to you directly, mailed to someone you trust, or request they print them and pick them up yourself.
i know this may be scary, but you aren't without help or legal recourse. you can also contact your local government and request legal assistance yourself. just google your state and legal assistance. but do this now, things change when you turn 18 and doing this now gets the ball rolling and will hopefully keep them from accessing your funds that are probably there.
and your parents are so in the wrong for doing this to you. as a parent, i can't imagine anyone's parents doing this, but sadly, in the entertainment industry, it's by far the norm. and it's disgusting.
|
in
fo: how old are you and how long have you been supporting your family?
my inclination is nta. your parents are not entitled to financial support from their child. many people find cutting their hair cathartic. this could mean big changes for you since it impacts your finances but you’re not an a h for making the choice. if you’re young, you’re hugely nta because you should be focusing on grieving and living and embracing your autonomy
|
get legal advice asap if you’re in the us there’s a law called coogans law that requires parents to put 15% of a child’s earnings into a locked account.
|
nta your hair your choice...and why do your parents not have jobs to pay their bills? if you’re a minor it’s their job to support you not the other way around!
|
nta. what i don’t understand is why you can’t get a few different wigs and model with those until your hair grows out.
|
nta. it sounds like you're a literal, actual child? not to knock children or anything like that, but there's some pretty heavy shit being picked in top of you and none of the people that have been exploiting you for cash did the very basic work of responding to you and making sure you were okay, including your damn parents. that us job 1 with a kid, i would imagine it goes doubly so when you are relying on that kid to maintain your lifestyle.
|
nta. keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. if in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. doesn’t make you a bad person.
mental health is important too, so i hope cutting your hair helps you
|
> i model, and my parents are my managers though they haven't always been
those parents are sus, and op should probably get a new manager cause having family members run your job is never a good idea. nta
> i'm the primary breadwinner of the house
oh dang, did the parents lose their jobs? they shouldn't be mooching off their kid. now they're sus and toxic. double nta
> as soon as i'm done with high school
*record scratch*
what
..
are you
telling me
that your parents don't work and work part-time because they're living off of the model income of their high school age child who they are the managers of??????
oh my god op stop. stop giving them money. get a lawyer. start a secret savings account. gather all your important documents. finish high school. get the fuck out.
|
nta my wife died of cancer just 5 months ago at the age 27. fuck cancer. the wound wont heal fully but it will get better with time. make sure to be easy on yourself. i get the catharsis as well. i feel the same way about the tattoos i have in honor of my wife. transferring my emotional pain onto something tangible.
also the shit your parents are pulling off sounds mega mega mega sketchy
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion. one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying. through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair. i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me. i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family. part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now. for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy. now i look like steve from stranger things. i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now. now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone. i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way. am i the asshole for that?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've "lost" my job and have been ostracized by my family, so i figured i'd come to the court of public opinion. one of my best friends of over ten years lost her battle with the big c word on christmas. fuck cancer, y'all. i'm not handling it well, tbh. i feel like a really crazy person. i literally haven't stopped crying. through all the tumultuous emotions, i decided that i wanted to cut my hair. i don't know why, but i felt like i wanted to get rid of a psychological weight and my hair was suffocating me. i 'model' and i've been doing it pretty much my whole life. my family is upper middle class due to my income. my parents 'work' as my mangers, even though i had actual, hired, experienced managers throughout the years. my dad works part time elsewhere, but i am the main breadwinner in the family. part of my current contract was that i can't cut my hair without prior consent from managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. it wasn't really an issue until now. for a week, i tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. so, over the weekend, i locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all of my hair. i didn't go as extreme as 2007 brittany, but i was definitely channeling her energy. now i look like steve from stranger things. i don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. i'm glad i did it. my life changed, and i physically reflect that now. now i'm unemployed, though, cause i was released from my contract and as soon as i'm done with high school, my family wants me gone. i know that i jeopardized my family's financial security, and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because i may have been an immature asshole, but, i dunno, maybe it's grief, but i feel pretty apathetic about it. i wanted to grieve in my own way. am i the asshole for that? [/INST] nta, it’s your hair! also get a lawyer. your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! they should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours. when you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing. plus hair grows back. get a cute cut, and new management. this is why a child should not be the money earner in a family imo. it’s just a dependency that should not be created. </s>
|
AITA for only buying my daughter books that are close to her reading level
|
my daughter rose (9) is a very advanced reader. she’s in 3rd grade (8-9 year olds) but reads at a 9th grade (14-15 years old) level.
despite her advanced reading level, the only books she wants to read are the i survived series and the a-z mysteries. both of these books are far below her reading level so i told her it’s fine if she wants to read them in school but at home she has to read things closer to her level.
i’ve taken her to bookstores and we’ve looked through the young adult section but she refuses to read any of the books. she says they’re all boring and gross. she always asks to get books from the children’s section but i’ve said no because they’re too easy for her.
rose has started sneaking books home from school and when i started taking those away, she stopped reading in general. now rose has pulled away from me and her teacher is recommending that i let her read whatever she wants.
rose’s dad (my ex) found out about this and tore into me for not letting rose read books for kids her age and offered to send her books but that’s not the problem. i don’t have a problem with rose reading but if she’s going to read, she should read something close to her level.
now everyone’s mad at me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole
| 5,836 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nljl69/aita_for_only_buying_my_daughter_books_that_are/
|
2021-05-26 15:21:49
|
yta - let her read what she wants to read. don't kill her passion for it.
|
yta. i’m a teacher so i can comfortably tell you that if rose’s teacher is doing her job then rose is getting the levelled material she needs at school. when she’s home, let her read for fun. so what if it’s too easy for her? it’s age appropriate and *she’s still reading.* let her read whatever she wants to. she’s pulling away and lying because you’re being controlling. all you’re going to do is stifle her love and have the opposite effect. besides, eventually she’ll move on to a new series once she gets to enjoy her current interest. so relax the reins and enjoy having a kid who’s interested in books.
|
yta. this is how you get a kid to hate reading. at 9, young adult books are not going to have themes she is interested in or are developmentally appropriate anyways. books in the children’s section are going to have more themes she’s interested in and will help her keep that love of reading.
|
yta. just because she can read more advanced books doesn't mean she has to. the fact that she's reading for fun at all should be praised and encouraged.
|
yta let her read what she needs for school and what she wants in her free time. forcing her to read is going to bring contempt for it.
|
yta.
>her teacher is recommending that i let her read whatever she wants
then why are you still fighting this? what good does it do if rose is theoretically capable of reading above grade level if she never *wants* to read anything because you've decided it has to be a challenge all the time?
also, bear in mind that skill and maturity are not the same thing. understanding the words doesn't mean you understand the themes or context, let alone subtext. take it from an advanced reader who enjoyed jane austen a lot more on the second go-round when it made sense as social commentary and not just a romance: sometimes it's better to wait and make sure you have that foundation before you tackle the classics.
|
for the love of, yta yta yta 😡
what are you doing?
high reading level means “can read complex words and sentences”. thats it.
it does not mean she can read adult themes. yes, teen books cover often sex, drugs, crime etc. it does not mean she is interested in topics beyond her age.
her mind is still 9 years old.
you need to keep her interested in reading, not punish her for it.
parents of modern age pray to holy ones when they manage to unglue their children from tiktok & instagram. never mind reading.
here you are, stealing her favourite books from her. what are you doing?
apologize to her, immediately.😡
|
yta!
why restrict reading at all?? why take books away from anyone? yes she can read at a higher level, but it doesn’t interest her. she’s interested in books targeted to her age, not books targeted to teens. that’s totally reasonable for her.
|
yta she’s a child, if she wants to read childish books then let her. stop forcing grown books on her and let her read what she’s comfortable with.
|
yta. if you’ve made your child swear off reading, you missed a trick.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter rose (9) is a very advanced reader. she’s in 3rd grade (8-9 year olds) but reads at a 9th grade (14-15 years old) level. despite her advanced reading level, the only books she wants to read are the i survived series and the a-z mysteries. both of these books are far below her reading level so i told her it’s fine if she wants to read them in school but at home she has to read things closer to her level. i’ve taken her to bookstores and we’ve looked through the young adult section but she refuses to read any of the books. she says they’re all boring and gross. she always asks to get books from the children’s section but i’ve said no because they’re too easy for her. rose has started sneaking books home from school and when i started taking those away, she stopped reading in general. now rose has pulled away from me and her teacher is recommending that i let her read whatever she wants. rose’s dad (my ex) found out about this and tore into me for not letting rose read books for kids her age and offered to send her books but that’s not the problem. i don’t have a problem with rose reading but if she’s going to read, she should read something close to her level. now everyone’s mad at me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter rose (9) is a very advanced reader. she’s in 3rd grade (8-9 year olds) but reads at a 9th grade (14-15 years old) level. despite her advanced reading level, the only books she wants to read are the i survived series and the a-z mysteries. both of these books are far below her reading level so i told her it’s fine if she wants to read them in school but at home she has to read things closer to her level. i’ve taken her to bookstores and we’ve looked through the young adult section but she refuses to read any of the books. she says they’re all boring and gross. she always asks to get books from the children’s section but i’ve said no because they’re too easy for her. rose has started sneaking books home from school and when i started taking those away, she stopped reading in general. now rose has pulled away from me and her teacher is recommending that i let her read whatever she wants. rose’s dad (my ex) found out about this and tore into me for not letting rose read books for kids her age and offered to send her books but that’s not the problem. i don’t have a problem with rose reading but if she’s going to read, she should read something close to her level. now everyone’s mad at me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole [/INST] yta - let her read what she wants to read. don't kill her passion for it. </s>
|
AITA for telling an employee she can choose between demotion or termination?
|
i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees.
one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility.
so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out.
i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back.
i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.".
frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am.
so i told her that she had two choices:
1) go back to her old position, with her old pay.
2) i fire her completely.
she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender.
none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business.
i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
but at the same time, she really could have called me.
so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
| 37,443 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/
|
2021-07-20 08:11:50
|
nta
you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health
you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift
tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that)
|
the "spoons" thing is referring to spoon theory. a psychological theory regarding the amount of energy it takes someone to perform a task. in this example, a "normal" person might need 1 spoon yo call out, but someone with mental/chronic illness might need 4. essentially a way of explaining that it can be harder to do things when you have mental illnesses, in a quantifiable way.
that being said, as a neurodivergent person, it is complete and utter bullshit that she didn't make herself call you. it isn't just her shirking a responsibility. it is her making a decision that effects your livelihood and the livelihood of 12 other people. not to mention the way she effected the customers, cause how many more tried to come to the store and didn't say anything on the fb?
if she didn't have enough spoons to work, fine. but if she can't be trusted to uphold her managerial duties, mental health or otherwise, she doesn't deserve that responsibility. she doesn't deserve the raise and title that go with it. nta
|
nta. i'm a manager as well and fully believe in the importance of mental health days and taking care of your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing.
however, an employee just going awol like that is not ok. if they didn't have the spoons to call, they should have gotten a trusted friend or family member to call instead. or texted and thrown their phone across the room.
i would happily make a last minute callout work. damaging the business by no-showing is not ok but i'd have a serious talk with her about responsibilities and be frank about your expectations.
it's the same as someone calling out half an hour before opening because they've gotten sudden onset diarrhoea. just call or text or tell someone you can't make it.
basically, don't demote or fire her but put her on a type of probation and make it explicitly clear that you value her wellbeing but she can't no show.
|
nta. you don’t have enough spoons in your drawer to deal with incompetent managers.
|
nta, her being irresponsible cost your business money.
|
has she no-showed as a cashier before? was this totally new behavior for her?
|
[deleted]
|
>i think i might be the ah here, because i am taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over.
actually taking a mental health day was not the problem, the problem is she preformed a no call no show. what has made her no call no show more egregious is that she was the opening manager. when you are the person responsible for opening a place of business, you are even more of an a h for not calling in.
nta
|
major red flag when she throws the -ists, discrimination and gender cards. toxic people like that are better not in the workplace, let alone management. nta
|
personally, i would not have given her the option of her old job back. i would have politely fired her over the telephone and been done with her.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i own a vape shop. we're a small business, only 12 employees. one of my employees, peggy, was supposed to open yesterday. peggy has recently been promoted to manager, after 2 solid years of good work as a cashier. i really thought she could handle the responsibility. so, i wake up, 3 hours after the place should be open, and i have 22 notifications on the store facebook page. customers have been trying to come shop, but the store is closed. employees are showing up to work, but they're locked out. i call peggy, and get no response. i text her, same thing. so i go in and open the store. an hour before her shift was supposed to be **over**, she calls me back. i ask her if she's ok, and she says she needed to "take a mental health day and do some self-care". i'm still pretty pissed at this point, but i'm trying to be understanding, as i know how important mental health can be. so i ask her why she didn't call me as soon as she knew she needed the day off. her response: "i didn't have enough spoons in my drawer for that.". frankly, idk what that means. but it seems to me like she's saying she cannot be trusted to handle the responsibility of opening the store in the am. so i told her that she had two choices: 1) go back to her old position, with her old pay. 2) i fire her completely. she's calling me all sorts of "-ist" now, and says i'm discriminating against her due to her poor mental health and her gender. none of this would have been a problem if she simply took 2 minutes to call out. i would have got up and opened the store on time. but this no-call/no-show shit is not the way to run a successful business. i think i might be the ah here, because i **am** taking away her promotion over something she really had no control over. but at the same time, she really could have called me. so, reddit, i leave it to you: am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you aren't taking it away because of her gender or poor mental health you are reacting to her not following the sickness policy of contacting you before her shift tbh not showing up or contacting anyone i wouldn't have been giving her the choice (however check that legally you are ok with that) </s>
|
AITA for calling my husband insane for missing work just to teach me a lesson because I didn't iron his uniform?
|
days ago. i (sahm with 3) was in the midst of doing laundry when my husband (breadwinner, works as a pilot) asked if i could iron his uniform before his shift. i didn't say "yes" because i was busy (laundry then kids homework then cooking etc..). i said i may not find the time to to do it. he turned around and walked away completely ignoring what i was saying.
an hour later, he came downstairs freaking out asking why i didn't iron his uniform when he asked me to. i told him i was busy and reminded him of how i didn't say yes to his request. he blew up saying that i obviously don't care about him disaplaying "professionalism" at work (um..it's just a unifotm? it's not like it was dirty just needed some ironing). he lectured me about how his work is important and although i'm a sahm i still should make his job a priority. he decided to miss his shift as a way to "teach me a lesson" and show me how my lack of cooperation and my refusal to help him out could affect the money that keeps coming in. i called him insane for missing the shift, and he got offended and called me a hypocrite for calling him insane and acting all surprised when it was me who caused this situation to happen.
i mean i could have taken some time off doing my chores to iron his uniform, but still thought his reaction was a bit much. aita? for those asking why he didn't iron the uniform himself? because i'm the one who usually do the ironing and he said it's "on the list" of my house chores list which's true, but i don't give it priority like other chores like homework or laundry.
| 18,412 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yc9p1s/aita_for_calling_my_husband_insane_for_missing/
|
2022-10-24 12:16:07
|
nta. offer to call his boss to personally apologize and explain why he missed his shift. he didn't go to work to teach you a lesson for not ironing his uniform.
|
for me, anytime an adult says they are/want to 'teach a lesson' to another adult is a massive red flag and just cause to distance yourself away from them, if not to leave all together.
it betrays a manipulative mindset where they think they have the right to try and control other people's actions.
nta
|
"attention passengers of flight 123xyz, unfortunately your flight has been cancelled because your pilot - while perfectly capable of operating a highly complex 450 ton machine - was not able to iron his work shirt, and therefore had to stay home to sulk. our sincere apologies for the inconvenience."
|
op's husband sounds like the type to financially abuse and punish op for any imaginary transgression.
does he get violent with you op? yell a lot? yell at the kids? has he been a good husband and father?
|
holy shit. run like _*hell*_, op! this is a disaster waiting to happen! your husband is a manipulative narcissist! he's gonna get reprimanded or even fired and will blame you for it?! nta. get rid of him. he'll start to become more and more controlling as time progresses.
|
nta
this is a wild one. i hope op is on birth control and has a way to squirrel away some money.
"look what you made me do" classic abuser logic. you in danger, girl. good luck.
|
info: is your husband secretly three toddlers in a pilot uniform?
|
nta. husband can fly a plane, can't do his own ironing.
|
y t a u are a woman. it is your highest duty to assist and please ur husband, since he is ur master. and for all who couldnt tell that this was sarcasm, to make it clear: nta, a big nta. he is an adult, not a child.
|
nta
the next time he pulls that stunt... you tell him since you missed your work shift ...i'm skipping mine. and leave him all day with the kids by himself.....see how he feels then...
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: days ago. i (sahm with 3) was in the midst of doing laundry when my husband (breadwinner, works as a pilot) asked if i could iron his uniform before his shift. i didn't say "yes" because i was busy (laundry then kids homework then cooking etc..). i said i may not find the time to to do it. he turned around and walked away completely ignoring what i was saying. an hour later, he came downstairs freaking out asking why i didn't iron his uniform when he asked me to. i told him i was busy and reminded him of how i didn't say yes to his request. he blew up saying that i obviously don't care about him disaplaying "professionalism" at work (um..it's just a unifotm? it's not like it was dirty just needed some ironing). he lectured me about how his work is important and although i'm a sahm i still should make his job a priority. he decided to miss his shift as a way to "teach me a lesson" and show me how my lack of cooperation and my refusal to help him out could affect the money that keeps coming in. i called him insane for missing the shift, and he got offended and called me a hypocrite for calling him insane and acting all surprised when it was me who caused this situation to happen. i mean i could have taken some time off doing my chores to iron his uniform, but still thought his reaction was a bit much. aita? for those asking why he didn't iron the uniform himself? because i'm the one who usually do the ironing and he said it's "on the list" of my house chores list which's true, but i don't give it priority like other chores like homework or laundry.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
days ago. i (sahm with 3) was in the midst of doing laundry when my husband (breadwinner, works as a pilot) asked if i could iron his uniform before his shift. i didn't say "yes" because i was busy (laundry then kids homework then cooking etc..). i said i may not find the time to to do it. he turned around and walked away completely ignoring what i was saying. an hour later, he came downstairs freaking out asking why i didn't iron his uniform when he asked me to. i told him i was busy and reminded him of how i didn't say yes to his request. he blew up saying that i obviously don't care about him disaplaying "professionalism" at work (um..it's just a unifotm? it's not like it was dirty just needed some ironing). he lectured me about how his work is important and although i'm a sahm i still should make his job a priority. he decided to miss his shift as a way to "teach me a lesson" and show me how my lack of cooperation and my refusal to help him out could affect the money that keeps coming in. i called him insane for missing the shift, and he got offended and called me a hypocrite for calling him insane and acting all surprised when it was me who caused this situation to happen. i mean i could have taken some time off doing my chores to iron his uniform, but still thought his reaction was a bit much. aita? for those asking why he didn't iron the uniform himself? because i'm the one who usually do the ironing and he said it's "on the list" of my house chores list which's true, but i don't give it priority like other chores like homework or laundry. [/INST] nta. offer to call his boss to personally apologize and explain why he missed his shift. he didn't go to work to teach you a lesson for not ironing his uniform. </s>
|
AITA for bringing up my brother's four kids to his fiance and potentially ruining an engagement?
|
okay so i (22f) have an older brother (28) that we'll call jamie. we've been roommates since i was about 17. in that time, i've seen a lot of girls come and go, even when he was in a relationship with different girls. i'm not a huge fan of his actions or how he treats women in general, but it's his life and he's free to mess it up as much as he wants so i turn a blind eye to it.
he has four kids. his oldest daughter is 10 and is the only one that he actually pays any child support on, but he rarely sees her. the other two are twin boys (4) that he has with one of my close friends. she didn't take him to court, so i do my best to provide for them if she needs help. his son i don't really know much about. i think he's around 8? he doesn't want kids and doesn't see them but maybe a handful of times around the year and doesn't see his 8 year old son at all. he calls the ones he has "accidents" and has said before that he wishes he hadn't had them because he gets irritated when their mothers call him.
so essentially what happened was 3 years ago, jamie met a girl named natalie and they immediately hit it off. she's moved into our apartment and i like her well enough. with his habits, i didn't expect her to last very long, but she surprised us both. since i planned on moving out in a few months, she'd been talking about renovating my room and all sorts of stuff they could do with the space. she even laughingly said that "maybe it could be a nursery". i thought it was a joke and brushed it off.
well, a couple weeks ago, while i was out at dinner with my friends, he had decorated the apartment and proposed to her. i congratulated them and didn't have any problems with this until a few nights ago when we were all drinking and talking. natalie was gushing about her plans for the wedding and her bridesmaids and her new ring. here's what went wrong. she mentioned how she wanted kids as soon as she could and how she could see my brother being the best dad.
i started laughing. basically what i said was: "he hasn't been the best dad to the four he has now."
she asked what i meant and my brother started to freak out. i realized she didn't know and explained how he wasn't raising his kids and how he didn't even want to see them and didn't want kids at all. apparently he hadn't told her about any of this. my brother was drunk and started yelling so i called a friend and left. i stayed away a day or two and he blew up my phone. i guess he and natalie are fighting horribly and he blamed me for it. i ruined his engagement and i'm an ah for telling her as it "should've been his choice to tell her about the kids". our parents agree with him and haven't been talking to me.
honeslty i feel like i warned her before things got too serious, even if it wasn't deliberate. he should've told her before about them. so aita here?
| 19,189 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sjziz6/aita_for_bringing_up_my_brothers_four_kids_to_his/
|
2022-02-04 00:45:18
|
nta - its been 3 years! if he hasn’t told her by now, then he did not plan on telling her. he’s withholding a huge piece of information from her by not telling her he has 4 kids.
|
nta. i find it funny how he claims it's his choice to tell her if he has children, but he sees nothing wrong with taking away natalie's choice of deciding whether or not she wants to be in relationship/marry a man who has chosen not to take care of his four children. why does he get to have a choice, but she doesn't get the choice to make an informed decision?
|
nta
you just did natalie a favour. she should run as fast as she can.
|
nta at all. i had a family member be in a long term relationship with a guy, live with him and later find out he had an older child that he kept secret from her. it was pretty traumatic for her.
you saved her from making a huge mistake. your brother on the other hand, should probably get a vasectomy.
|
nta. after 3 years, it is hardly unreasonable for you to assume the soon to be sil knew about your brother's history. you're not obliged to deflect from this matter just to satisfy your brother's deception (and after 3 years and a marriage proposal, it could hardly be called anything but deception)
if he was so serious about this relationship and yet wanted to hide, then it is his responsibility to keep natalie away from you and this subject. it is not your responsibility to aid him.
|
your brother needs a vasectomy. nta.
|
[removed]
|
nta - she should have known about your brother's kids before they even got engaged let alone married as it has the potential to negatively affect her in the long run if any of his baby mama's decide to take his ass to court for child support. plus you know, her putting her trust into a liar and a cheat and a shitty parent.
your parents agreeing with him is deplorable. what kind of sick people think it's okay to hide their children from potential significant others, one which has their heart set on starting a family and having children no less.
|
nta and thank god for you! honestly i'm a little concerned if she's still living in the apartment with him. she should be staying anywhere but with your brother right now. the fact that your brother had not told her but had the balls to proposed to her and let her prance around talking about weddings and babies is disturbing.
he is the way he is because it seems like your parents co-sign whatever bulshit he is selling. don't be like them. his poor children have gotten a raw deal in every sense of the word. you may have saved this young lady from years of heartache. he has already literally wreaked havoc on four innocent kids and yet he somehow believes that he deserves this fairy tale ending?
i don't think you did anything intentionally nasty and you are definitely not the a****** here. but until your brother starts cleaning up the wreckage of his past and trying to be a decent human being to the lives he brought into this world he doesn't deserve anything good coming his way.
***edited for embarrassing spelling errors***
|
nta, but your brother sounds like a piece of work.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so i (22f) have an older brother (28) that we'll call jamie. we've been roommates since i was about 17. in that time, i've seen a lot of girls come and go, even when he was in a relationship with different girls. i'm not a huge fan of his actions or how he treats women in general, but it's his life and he's free to mess it up as much as he wants so i turn a blind eye to it. he has four kids. his oldest daughter is 10 and is the only one that he actually pays any child support on, but he rarely sees her. the other two are twin boys (4) that he has with one of my close friends. she didn't take him to court, so i do my best to provide for them if she needs help. his son i don't really know much about. i think he's around 8? he doesn't want kids and doesn't see them but maybe a handful of times around the year and doesn't see his 8 year old son at all. he calls the ones he has "accidents" and has said before that he wishes he hadn't had them because he gets irritated when their mothers call him. so essentially what happened was 3 years ago, jamie met a girl named natalie and they immediately hit it off. she's moved into our apartment and i like her well enough. with his habits, i didn't expect her to last very long, but she surprised us both. since i planned on moving out in a few months, she'd been talking about renovating my room and all sorts of stuff they could do with the space. she even laughingly said that "maybe it could be a nursery". i thought it was a joke and brushed it off. well, a couple weeks ago, while i was out at dinner with my friends, he had decorated the apartment and proposed to her. i congratulated them and didn't have any problems with this until a few nights ago when we were all drinking and talking. natalie was gushing about her plans for the wedding and her bridesmaids and her new ring. here's what went wrong. she mentioned how she wanted kids as soon as she could and how she could see my brother being the best dad. i started laughing. basically what i said was: "he hasn't been the best dad to the four he has now." she asked what i meant and my brother started to freak out. i realized she didn't know and explained how he wasn't raising his kids and how he didn't even want to see them and didn't want kids at all. apparently he hadn't told her about any of this. my brother was drunk and started yelling so i called a friend and left. i stayed away a day or two and he blew up my phone. i guess he and natalie are fighting horribly and he blamed me for it. i ruined his engagement and i'm an ah for telling her as it "should've been his choice to tell her about the kids". our parents agree with him and haven't been talking to me. honeslty i feel like i warned her before things got too serious, even if it wasn't deliberate. he should've told her before about them. so aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so i (22f) have an older brother (28) that we'll call jamie. we've been roommates since i was about 17. in that time, i've seen a lot of girls come and go, even when he was in a relationship with different girls. i'm not a huge fan of his actions or how he treats women in general, but it's his life and he's free to mess it up as much as he wants so i turn a blind eye to it. he has four kids. his oldest daughter is 10 and is the only one that he actually pays any child support on, but he rarely sees her. the other two are twin boys (4) that he has with one of my close friends. she didn't take him to court, so i do my best to provide for them if she needs help. his son i don't really know much about. i think he's around 8? he doesn't want kids and doesn't see them but maybe a handful of times around the year and doesn't see his 8 year old son at all. he calls the ones he has "accidents" and has said before that he wishes he hadn't had them because he gets irritated when their mothers call him. so essentially what happened was 3 years ago, jamie met a girl named natalie and they immediately hit it off. she's moved into our apartment and i like her well enough. with his habits, i didn't expect her to last very long, but she surprised us both. since i planned on moving out in a few months, she'd been talking about renovating my room and all sorts of stuff they could do with the space. she even laughingly said that "maybe it could be a nursery". i thought it was a joke and brushed it off. well, a couple weeks ago, while i was out at dinner with my friends, he had decorated the apartment and proposed to her. i congratulated them and didn't have any problems with this until a few nights ago when we were all drinking and talking. natalie was gushing about her plans for the wedding and her bridesmaids and her new ring. here's what went wrong. she mentioned how she wanted kids as soon as she could and how she could see my brother being the best dad. i started laughing. basically what i said was: "he hasn't been the best dad to the four he has now." she asked what i meant and my brother started to freak out. i realized she didn't know and explained how he wasn't raising his kids and how he didn't even want to see them and didn't want kids at all. apparently he hadn't told her about any of this. my brother was drunk and started yelling so i called a friend and left. i stayed away a day or two and he blew up my phone. i guess he and natalie are fighting horribly and he blamed me for it. i ruined his engagement and i'm an ah for telling her as it "should've been his choice to tell her about the kids". our parents agree with him and haven't been talking to me. honeslty i feel like i warned her before things got too serious, even if it wasn't deliberate. he should've told her before about them. so aita here? [/INST] nta - its been 3 years! if he hasn’t told her by now, then he did not plan on telling her. he’s withholding a huge piece of information from her by not telling her he has 4 kids. </s>
|
AITA for not tattooing my stepson's name on my arm with my kids' names?
|
i'm 36m, my wife is 35f.
i have two kids from my first marriage, 9m and 7f. i have been married to my wife for 4 years, we have a 1f daughter. she has a 8m son from her first marriage. the kids all live with us. my kids' mother has visitations one weekend a month, her son's dad isn't involved at all.
i have the names of my oldest two kids tattooed on my arm. i just recently added the name of my youngest daughter. my wife and i were talking about the tattoo, and she asked me if i'll tattoo my stepson's name in the same round as our daughter's.
i told her i have no intention of tattooing his name. shebwas shocked and asked me why. i said i only have the names of my children tattooed. she said i am excluding her son and he is part of this family too.
i refused to tattoo his name and proceeded to only tattoo my daughter's name. wife called me all sorts of things.
aita?
| 7,389 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vr9muo/aita_for_not_tattooing_my_stepsons_name_on_my_arm/
|
2022-07-04 15:14:02
|
yta. you've been a father figure to him for half his life, poor boy will probably be shattered when he realises you don't actually see him as yours.
|
info - are you not the 8yo's parent too? like you're his step-dad, he lives in the family home, that is a permanent role in his life and your life. if your wife passed away what happens to him?
how does the child regard you?
|
i n f o
it depends:
* if you've legally adopted him then y t a
* if you've acted as a father figure, you parent him, refer to him as your son, and he calls you dad then y t a
* if you're firmly a step parent, he calls you by your name, and there are boundaries where only wife mostly parents him, then he's part of the family, but not one of "your" kids and thus n t a
|
yta look, no one else gets to dictate what you put on your body, but you made it incredibly clear to your stepson where he stands on this family- on the outside. and right now he's eight, and he's not going to notice, but when he gets older he will and you are going to have to tell him why. you have also sent a clear message to your wife where her child stands in this family. don't start getting butt hurt when she makes sure to prioritize your stepson over you older children, you made it clear the dynamics you expected.
|
nah on the tattoo part. you have every right to decide what names to or not to have permanently tattooed on your body. however, your wife can be upset with you over it.
you said that ss (step sons) dad isn’t involved in his life. this means to ss, you are likely his dad and will be the only dad he’ll ever know. this might not hurt him now, but it will likely hurt him later. when you decided to merge families, you should’ve thought about how this effects your parenting. you’re now a dad to __four__ children. just because one doesn’t share dna with you doesn’t mean you are any less of a dad to him.
|
[deleted]
|
ohh, rough one.
your wife is correct that leaving your stepson’s name off creates a division between your children that all of your kids can see every time your arms show. this is only going to lead to drama and hurt feelings.
but it’s your body and you don’t have to add your stepson to the family tattoo.
so, nta because it’s your body but seriously, i would re-think this. this boy has only you for a father and by not including him in the family tattoo, you’re telling him that he’s not part of your family.
|
i think definitely nta, and i say this because i have known people that did get their stepchildren tattooed on them. guess what happened? the marriage didn’t work out, and the actual parents refused any contact for the stepchildren. not saying this will happen to op, but for me this is the equivalent of tattooing your so’s name on you…you just don’t do it!
i will say that a nice alternative to make the stepson feel included would be to get a tattoo that doesn’t have his name, but represents him somehow. then he’s included without having his name and it’s different from the others so it would be even more special.
|
your body, your rules. with that said, you need to think long and hard about this because you are treating your stepson as “other,” because he isn’t biologically yours. he is an 8 year old child. he likely knows he’s not your biological child but he may as well be and treating him differently because of this is going to have a lasting impression on him and trust me, it’s not going to be a good one. you need to reevaluate your treatment of all the children involved. you may not think you’ve singled out your stepson but your thoughts here show that you have and do.
yta. sorry.
|
i'm genuinely shocked at how many people are saying you're the asshole - it's your body, you aren't obliged to tattoo your stepchild's name on there simply because you have your biological kids' names done. it's not like you have known him and raised him since birth, and not everyone is always super close with their step-kids, doesn't make them a bad person. who knows, you might feel differently in a few years anyway and change your mind.
it's your body, and what you get permanently tattooed on there is entirely your decision and yours alone.
just because you're not getting his name tattooed, doesn't mean you exclude him or separate him and your kids in other areas of life - i feel like a lot of people are assuming you're treating him differently just because you don't want to get this tattoo, which is a hell of a reach.
nta.
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.445169 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 36m, my wife is 35f. i have two kids from my first marriage, 9m and 7f. i have been married to my wife for 4 years, we have a 1f daughter. she has a 8m son from her first marriage. the kids all live with us. my kids' mother has visitations one weekend a month, her son's dad isn't involved at all. i have the names of my oldest two kids tattooed on my arm. i just recently added the name of my youngest daughter. my wife and i were talking about the tattoo, and she asked me if i'll tattoo my stepson's name in the same round as our daughter's. i told her i have no intention of tattooing his name. shebwas shocked and asked me why. i said i only have the names of my children tattooed. she said i am excluding her son and he is part of this family too. i refused to tattoo his name and proceeded to only tattoo my daughter's name. wife called me all sorts of things. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 36m, my wife is 35f. i have two kids from my first marriage, 9m and 7f. i have been married to my wife for 4 years, we have a 1f daughter. she has a 8m son from her first marriage. the kids all live with us. my kids' mother has visitations one weekend a month, her son's dad isn't involved at all. i have the names of my oldest two kids tattooed on my arm. i just recently added the name of my youngest daughter. my wife and i were talking about the tattoo, and she asked me if i'll tattoo my stepson's name in the same round as our daughter's. i told her i have no intention of tattooing his name. shebwas shocked and asked me why. i said i only have the names of my children tattooed. she said i am excluding her son and he is part of this family too. i refused to tattoo his name and proceeded to only tattoo my daughter's name. wife called me all sorts of things. aita? [/INST] yta. you've been a father figure to him for half his life, poor boy will probably be shattered when he realises you don't actually see him as yours. </s>
|
AITA for making my son deal with rotting meat
|
i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week.
my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints.
however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer.
well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid.
i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings.
he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita?
| 23,126 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oop8kg/aita_for_making_my_son_deal_with_rotting_meat/
|
2021-07-21 12:51:28
|
nta, i’m a vegetarian myself and i’d argue what he’s done is worse because the deer have now died for no reason.
plus it’s not okay for him to intentionally ruin the family’s groceries and waste money
buying a new freezer might be overkill but i don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to clean it
|
1000% nta, i'm plant based(
|
nta. and i have also smelled the very specific and unforgettable smell of a freezer full of game some asshat left unplugged for a year. he will never forget this lesson.
he will need:a ttvek painter’s suit from a home improvement store, gloves, goggles, and like 6 jars of vicks vapo rub. and it still won’t be enough! and warn the neighbors.
|
vegetarian here. nta. this kid absolutely deserves to scrub that thing until it shines. what he did was deplorable in so many ways.
|
nta.
wasted meat is worse than consumed meat. does he know you'll probably hunt more now? how silly.
also forcing your beliefs on others is just stupid. it never works and makes your viewpoint seem more extreme.
|
nta. i think that was agreat way to handle this situation. your son has no right to dictate how you will eat, just like you have no right to dictate how he eats. i think this is a fair and just punishment, and hopefully it will stick with him for a while. hopefully it also comes with a conversation about how he doesn't get to make choices for other people.
|
nta - he should not only have to clean it up but he should also have to help pay to replace it. at 15yo he knew what he was doing when he unplugged that freezer.. if he doesn’t have an actual paying job he needs to be doing extra work around the house to help pay for the hundreds of dollars worth of meat that was destroyed for his “cause”
play stupid games, win stupid prizes..
|
nta - this is a good, if smelly, teaching moment. actions have consequences. this is a lesson he will not forget. you should also show him how the destruction of these resources are going to have an economic impact on your family and he may miss out on some activities because of your increased food budget.
|
nta - this is the second post in a week when a teen harms someone or something in order to make their point about being vegan! my response then and now is; he has every right to have his own beliefs and morals - yet imposing them on others (and in turn harming others) makes it moot and comes with consequences.
while you actively worked to support his beliefs, (and many parents would have dismissed it as a phase/not their problem) he didn't appreciate it and instead punished your entire family. if he continues to baulk at his punishment, remind him you are still respecting him by not forcing him to purchase the equal value of the ruined meat. also, remind him while you were grateful and respectful of the animal -- he made the animals death a waste - which is completely counterintuitive to his beliefs!!
|
nta
what a beautiful example of natural consequences. you sabotage your family’s food, you have to clean it up. perfection.
i’d also make him sit with you while you work out the family’s budget to see exactly the kind of deficit he caused by doing this. and the extra needed to cover all the meat he ruined? in my house he’d be helping with that expense, either by paying directly or it coming out of his extra curriculars budget or working it off in extra chores.
actions have consequences and it is completely appropriate that he be hit with serious ones for doing this.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week. my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints. however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer. well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid. i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings. he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i go hunting every year. i'm not a trophy hunter by any means i do it for meat and almost purely for economic reasons at this point. taking a few of deer off my property once a year keeps my freezer stocked and the grocery bill way down which is important because finances can be tight sometimes. as a little relevant background the bulk of the meat is kept in a large freezer in the garage and about once a week we pull out what we will need for the next week or so. which means the freezer is normally only opened about once a week. my son (15) has decided that he is vegetarian about 6 months ago which my wife and i have no problems with. we started making meatless meals twice a week and made sure every other dinner was such that the meat was separate from everything else so he could still eat with us. this has been working great for the last 6 months with no complaints. however, last week when i pulled the meat for the week out of our freezer in the garage he decided to come behind me and unplug the freezer. i guess he thought we weren't doing enough to support his cause? he never spoke to us or complained about our twice a week set up prior to unplugging the freezer. well as you can imagine with a now unrefrigerated pile of meat in the summer heat it didn't take long for the meat to start to rot and stink. the freezer kept the smell in for a while so by the time we finally noticed everything was completely putrid. i asked my son if he knew what happened and he proudly said that he had unplugged it on purpose and now we would have to be meat free. i told him that he didn't have the right to ruin a freezer full of meat and raise the families grocery bill without discussing it with anyone. i told him that as part of his punishment he had to clean up his mess. meaning dispose of all of the rotting meat and either sufficiently clean and sanitize the freezer or purchase a new one out of his savings. he called me the ah for making him interact with meat in any form. but he made the mess he needs to clean it up. aita? [/INST] nta, i’m a vegetarian myself and i’d argue what he’s done is worse because the deer have now died for no reason. plus it’s not okay for him to intentionally ruin the family’s groceries and waste money buying a new freezer might be overkill but i don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to clean it </s>
|
AITA for medically tattooing my child under the recommendation of a doctor.
|
hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake).
thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went.
this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it.
he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing.
mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart"
she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
| 30,491 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k70qfu/aita_for_medically_tattooing_my_child_under_the/
|
2020-12-05 04:07:53
|
nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call.
|
nta. you took the recommendation from a medical professional and made the decision with your spouse for the safety of your child. absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially for something so small.
|
nta
the tattoo is for the safety of both children.
it’s a medical tattoo, just like they do for radiation treatments.
|
of course nta. why are you even asking?
|
nta. when he’s older, adam is going to love telling people he got his first tattoo when he was one y/o.
|
[deleted]
|
i think she heard “tattoo” and got upset. then she felt like she was too committed to being upset to admit she was wrong once she realized she was overreacting. nta
|
yta, you should have gone with a full face tattoo no wonder everyone was upset.
|
[deleted]
|
nta- you did something your doctor recommended.
and if anyone calls yta, they better hope they don't have a child thats been circumcised or has their ear pierced both of which are much more medically invasive and not necessary
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hear me out. i (31f) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. testing eventually revealed i have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help i'll never get pregnant. so that's what we did. gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later i have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. jack and adam (fake). thing is jake has a condition. without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. once he is older he can take pills. i went back to work and mil offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, i trust her 100%. they were 9months.. now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. now they may be fraternal but they look identical. i'll be honest my husband and i even mix them up sometimes. everyone does. she immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. by the time i got there adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. we went home the same night told to push fluids. he was never in danger. its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. mil was beside herself. i tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. this daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would not keep name tags on) doctor recommended a medical tattoo. explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. so after discussion with my husband we did it. he has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. from entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. never felt a thing. mil lost her shit the second i mentioned a medical tattoo. i tried to explain but she just freaked out so i put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up jack and find the tattoo. she picked up adam so i handed her jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. stripped him to his skivvies. i finally pointed it out and she went "that's just a freckle" i just said... "my point exactly. adam doesn't have a freckle there.. so that's how daycare can tell them apart" she's still pissed and ranting. once i explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think i went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. i believe i took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. by the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. so.. aita? [/INST] nta at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. it’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. you made the right call. </s>
|
AITA for grounding my daughter
|
a couple days ago we started getting rats in the walls/ceiling. they're very active in the middle of the night and they've woken all of us up. my husband is working on getting them out and said it should take a week for them to start to leave.
last night, they were especially bad around my daughter's (15f) room and she took some advil pm to help her sleep at around 10:30. they woke her up at around 3 or 4 and she says she doesn't know if she took them again but she slept until 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave. she was extremely groggy when she woke up but i thought she was just tired from the rats.
then i got a call from her 1st period, 2nd period, 3rd period, and 4th period teachers telling me that she fell asleep in class and asking if she was okay because this is very unusual for her. then during her lunch period, i got a call from the nurse, who said she wasn't feeling well and i need to pick her up.
i checked the advil and it looks like 2 doses were taken so i grounded my daughter for 2 weeks because she was careless enough to take 2 doses and because she had fallen asleep in every class before i picked her up.
she is furious and says that she wouldn't have taken them twice if we would've hired someone to take care of the rats. she told her dad and he is furious that we haven't hired anyone to take care of the rats and that i grounded my daughter for her mistake. he picked her up a couple hours ago and my daughter said she doesn't want to talk to me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole
| 5,658 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sbvj7f/aita_for_grounding_my_daughter/
|
2022-01-24 20:23:52
|
yta
this is the dumbest reason to ground a kid. maybe her teacher should call cps.
|
mom doesn't take care of pest problem properly. yta.
mom knows they are the worst around daughter's room and still doesn't hire a professional. yta
daughter takes otc sleep aid to try to get some sleep. daughter not ta.
daughter still gets woken up (jfc the rat problem must be bad!) and takes another dose, too groggy already to remember if she had. daughter still not ta.
mom still doesn't take care of rats. even bigger yta now.
daughter falls asleep in school. duh, not ta!
mom punishes daughter. super exponential 1,000,000% yta!!!
get rid of the rats! you are literally treating them better and tolerating them more than your daughter op. omg!
|
***this was obviously an accident***
im gonna say that again
this was obviously an accident
kid was sleep deprived
yta
if you punish her for this, all youre teaching her is that you are an asshole
|
yta. you diddnt ground her for her mistake. you grounded her for telling her father that your house is a rat infested shit hole.
|
yta. your daughter was unable to sleep because you had a problem you chose not to resolve and she made an understandable mistake that created a health issue.
honestly, your daughter should ground you.
|
excuse me but are you insane?
yta yta and yta
|
yta. really you had to even ask this? rats don’t just suddenly become that bad, this has been an issue for a minute and it’s now so bad she can’t sleep. and you’re punishing her for it?
|
hey, are you aware that it says you can take another dose 4 to 6 hours later if you are still having sleep issues? you're daughter did nothing wrong and at least somewhat followed the rules on the bottle (maybe it wasn't 4 hours yet, but i doubt it was an hour).
yta because probably the real reason she fell asleep is because of the interrupted sleep. i understand having a problem like this can be costly and maybe you just don't have the funds, so i won't say yta for that like many have here,, but grounding your kid for following the rules on the bottle and not being able to stay awake because of a situation far beyond her control???? yta
|
you told your 15 year old child to take advil instead of getting someone to get rid of the rats immediately.
you then grounded her for accidentally taking the wrong amount of advil.
yta
|
you grounded your daughter because she accidentally took too much medication? um, hello? in what world is that appropriate?
you should have let her stay home from school and sleep it off! and, as soon as you knew the rats were impacting her sleep, you should have let her go stay at her father's until you knew they were gone.
yta.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a couple days ago we started getting rats in the walls/ceiling. they're very active in the middle of the night and they've woken all of us up. my husband is working on getting them out and said it should take a week for them to start to leave. last night, they were especially bad around my daughter's (15f) room and she took some advil pm to help her sleep at around 10:30. they woke her up at around 3 or 4 and she says she doesn't know if she took them again but she slept until 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave. she was extremely groggy when she woke up but i thought she was just tired from the rats. then i got a call from her 1st period, 2nd period, 3rd period, and 4th period teachers telling me that she fell asleep in class and asking if she was okay because this is very unusual for her. then during her lunch period, i got a call from the nurse, who said she wasn't feeling well and i need to pick her up. i checked the advil and it looks like 2 doses were taken so i grounded my daughter for 2 weeks because she was careless enough to take 2 doses and because she had fallen asleep in every class before i picked her up. she is furious and says that she wouldn't have taken them twice if we would've hired someone to take care of the rats. she told her dad and he is furious that we haven't hired anyone to take care of the rats and that i grounded my daughter for her mistake. he picked her up a couple hours ago and my daughter said she doesn't want to talk to me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a couple days ago we started getting rats in the walls/ceiling. they're very active in the middle of the night and they've woken all of us up. my husband is working on getting them out and said it should take a week for them to start to leave. last night, they were especially bad around my daughter's (15f) room and she took some advil pm to help her sleep at around 10:30. they woke her up at around 3 or 4 and she says she doesn't know if she took them again but she slept until 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave. she was extremely groggy when she woke up but i thought she was just tired from the rats. then i got a call from her 1st period, 2nd period, 3rd period, and 4th period teachers telling me that she fell asleep in class and asking if she was okay because this is very unusual for her. then during her lunch period, i got a call from the nurse, who said she wasn't feeling well and i need to pick her up. i checked the advil and it looks like 2 doses were taken so i grounded my daughter for 2 weeks because she was careless enough to take 2 doses and because she had fallen asleep in every class before i picked her up. she is furious and says that she wouldn't have taken them twice if we would've hired someone to take care of the rats. she told her dad and he is furious that we haven't hired anyone to take care of the rats and that i grounded my daughter for her mistake. he picked her up a couple hours ago and my daughter said she doesn't want to talk to me so i wanted to know if i was the asshole [/INST] yta this is the dumbest reason to ground a kid. maybe her teacher should call cps. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home
|
title isn't as bad as it sounds.
my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol.
i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time.
the only primary school in the area is a
welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue.
the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it.
my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english?
my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english?
aita for wanting my child to speak english??
| 9,358 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/
|
2020-08-27 16:14:15
|
yta.
1. welsh is not a dead language.
2. you and your wife agreed to raise your daughter as bilingual. stop trying to go back on your agreement.
3. being bilingual as a child is a *great* thing. it will not hurt her chances at university. educate yourself.
|
**yta** your daughter *does* speak english...and welsh too.
>so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time
so you choose to hang with a bunch of jerks and you want to blame your wife? the history of english discrimination against welshmen is well documented. was that skipped or downplayed in your upbringing (sort of like the history of slavery in the us)?
>but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us
if the only primary school in your area is welsh, it appears that welsh is all around her too and *she* chooses to speak with her close relatives in their language.
>it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language.
that's incorrect, it's actually very good for her education. perhaps she'll pick up latin in a few years too to allay concern about her university education.
look you are an all around a. you married a welsh woman, live in wales and insist on pretending like you are a 19th century english mine owner.
|
yta
*it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it.*
bah. i can't even. so her native language is *only* her fathers native language, not her mothers? please do elaborate. as someone who grew up with 2 languages, i'd love to hear the reasoning to this.
|
yta
she's welsh, lives in wales, speaks welsh at school, and.... you're freaking out because she speaks welsh? as well as english?
hey, notice that? it's english, not british. stop being an asshole, learn a few words of welsh, and be happy that your daughter will have a cool other language to connect with her ancestry. practically every other european country teaches english as well as their native language.
|
yta - i live in a small welsh village in south west wales and i'm originally from surrey. i can't speak welsh at all, my children attend schools that are exclusively welsh speaking. children that are born in wales should speak welsh and english. it's their heritage and should be proud of it. calling it pointless and a dead language is horrible.
also most welsh people like to identify as welsh and not british and i don't blame that for them at all. you sound extremely patronising and i would want to keep myself separate from that british attitude just like your wife does.
cymru am byth... wales forever as my children and partner like to say, your daughter and wife are proud to be welsh and you should be proud of them.
|
yta. yes, this is as bad as your title makes it sound.
|
yta and way outclassed by your wife. do you know why welsh almost died? because of fools like you.
|
um yes. majorly yta.
you say you "don't get her nationalism", but that's just it. you don't get it, therefore you decided it's not a big deal, regardless of the fact it's quite important to people who are welsh-- like your wife.
you have a very confused idea of what welsh is, and how bilingualism works. if your daughter speaks language a with parent 1 and language b with parent 2, they are both her "native languages", and if she has started speaking this with her mom's family, it is certainly not a "dead language".
all i can make out of this is that, you, being english, have decided that english/british is everyone else's identity in the uk, and that you're ready to outright dismiss your wife's feelings on the matter of her own origins because it does not suit your world view.
open up your eyes and your mind, before you hurt your kid.
oh and btw. when you don't know anything about bilingualism, you shouldn't come out with statements like " it's confusing and can't be good for her education". bilingualism is generally considered a major advantage for kids, the cognitive benefits alone are worth it.
|
yta you know that you're being racist, right? or what's a better way to express this.. you have a very coloniser english mentality.
welsh is her native language too. your wife is not extremely nationalist, just nationalist, proud of her heritage. which you are trying to erase on multible levels. you don't want her to speak her language. or call herself welsh, just british.
that's erasure.
|
yta. this is totally about you feeling left out. your wife and daughter are welsh and i don't know why it surprises you when they.. well, when they are welsh. i can see why you are upset about the name, because baby names should be joint decisions, but that ship has kinda sailed.
(for the record, it is normal for bilingual children to intermix the languages when they are young, but study after study has shown that there is no longterm confusion and their abilities with each language are commensurate with unilingual peers.
clearly you have some insecurities and resentment to work through, but don't make up inaccuracies to support your feelings.)
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title isn't as bad as it sounds. my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. the only primary school in the area is a welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english? my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english? aita for wanting my child to speak english??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
title isn't as bad as it sounds. my (35m) wife (32f) is welsh and i am english, but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway. she's always been kinda funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol. i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time. the only primary school in the area is a welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through welsh. this is fine i guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue. the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. i asked her to stop, but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak english too?? it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it. my wife said i'm an asshole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually, but i was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak english because it's all around us. she speaks english and welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. what happens when she goes to university in english? my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english? aita for wanting my child to speak english?? [/INST] yta. 1. welsh is not a dead language. 2. you and your wife agreed to raise your daughter as bilingual. stop trying to go back on your agreement. 3. being bilingual as a child is a *great* thing. it will not hurt her chances at university. educate yourself. </s>
|
AiTA for cutting my daughters' hair really short because I was not prepared to deal with it?
|
hello i(35m) have 3 daughters, 5, 6 and 8. they are biracial (i'm white and mom was black) and have very very curly hair. my wife passed away four years ago and i have been raising them on my own since then. my late wife's family has always been great in helping me out, however, and we went to family functions regularly before covid19. my sister in law would always take them to a salon that specialized in black women's hair whenever they needed it, and she also regularly helped them out, so i never really learned how to help them with it.
unfortunately, my sister in law is also a healthcare worker, and when covid19 hit, she moved 4 hours away because she specialized in something to do with covid19 and they needed her in that area. furthermore, the salons have been periodically closing and reopening and it is hard for me to get appointments. on top of this all, i am a manager at my job and we were trying to get all of our clients and employees set up for online work so that we could continue to be productive and the increased workload has had me working an average of 60-70 hours a week for the first few months of the pandemic.
well 2 of my girls hair started to get really matted and it basically came down to the fact that i was not keeping up with things, i admit. their hair was getting out of control so i just decided to cut it by myself and figured it would grow back by the time they got back to school and stuff. i cut it really short, but it did not look too bad as i was following a youtube video.
this was months ago now, but my oldest daughter is still upset about it because she had really long hair before and her hair takes longer to grow. my sister in law finally came back about a month ago and is continuing to help my daughters once again. however, the other day when she was at my house, my sil asked my oldest daughter why they decided to cut their hair so short and she responded with the whole story about how their hair got matted and their dad(me) made them. well my sil was angry and implied in front of my daughters that because i was white, i couldn't understand them(my sil s really into social justice). i yelled at her because i really try my best to fight racial stereotypes and stuff, and i certainly don't want my kids to think that i love them less because of their color.
while we did apologize to eachother, she still claimed i was wrong for cutting their hair.
aita for cutting my daughters' hair really short because i didn't know what else to do?
| 4,633 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mawtz3/aita_for_cutting_my_daughters_hair_really_short/
|
2021-03-22 20:14:12
|
yta. you could use youtube to figure out how to cut it, but not how to care for it? you wanted the easy way out and didn’t stop to think about the message you were sending your daughters - that their hair is a problem and you can’t be bothered with it.
|
yta. why have biracial kids and then refuse to learn how to take care of them the way they need you to?
|
yta. you have had biracial children for 8 years. you are 8 years late in learning how to do their hair. there is zero excuse for not doing so, and your daughters are suffering the consequences.
|
yta - you could have gone to any drug store and bought suitable products for their hair. you could have spent 5 minutes and googled products to use. you have youtube. also you could have called/zoomed with your sil and asked her for advice.
|
while i sympathize but
yta: you've had 8 years to learn
4 years that you really ought have learned
& 1 year where it was crucial for you to learn.
learn now. like really learn.
find out as much as you can.
learn about black & mixed race beauty products, feminine care, skin care...
-listen- to your sil & be sure to be there for your daughters in the future. the oldest is soon to adolescence & she is going to need her dad to be ready for issues, ready to validate her & tell her she is beautiful & to help her.
|
yta. you've had your oldest for 8 years and have never bothered to find out how to do something as simple as helping care for her hair. it take a lot of effort and time for some people to grow their hair, particularly poc. instead of taking the time to i don't know, read a blog, a book, watch a freaking youtube video, you waited until the point of no return then buzzed it off. and the biggest issue is you sit there like you did nothing wrong. you're willfully being ignorant.
next time they go to the salon, go with your daughters and ask questions. learn how to help them properly care for their hair at home.
|
yta. i don't think you were being malicious, just really ignorant. which, after 8 years you probably shouldn't be. gender and race shouldn't be excuses anymore.
you had plenty of time to learn how to cut their hair, and plenty of time to learn about some of the stigmas poc face (especially black women) when it comes to their hair. and i get you may have been busy, but hair getting matted takes a while, too. that's pretty negligent by any standard, tbh.
at least now moving forward you can take this as something to learn from.
|
yta.
youtube lessons are free. watch. learn. asap.
|
“*i certainly don’t want my kids to think i love them less because of their color*”
well, they do think this on an unconscious level, because well... considering that the word love is also a verb, *you do in fact actually love them less because of their color.*
loving them meaning, taking care of them, teaching them proper grooming and hygiene, and teaching them to be proud about their culture, instead of it being an inconvenience to people they love. hair care specifically is very prominent and important to black culture.
yta and this is a type of *covert racism*.
##do better, dad.
note: i am half black / multiracial. my mother is white-passing (for all intents and purposes; she is *not* black and has very straight hair) my father is black and mostly absent, and she did exactly this to me when i was seven and it is still one of the most traumatic core memories for me. i have long, thick, “4c” hair that i used to keep in a french braid down to my waist- she one day just shaved it almost all off out of frustration.
for years (like, 30 years) i thought i was just messier, nappier, less attractive, annoyingly high-maintenance and therefore less appealing than other kids (then other teens, then other adults) who weren’t black. *this was reaffirmed over and over again for decades and still is today.* for example, when asking for hair products out of a locked cabinet at walgreens, or being asked at 32, after completing a third interview for a dream job you’d moved states for *to take out your braids and not to wear locs because the clientele might be put off by it.* different version, same ballpark.
with lots of ongoing therapy, education, self forgiveness, and learning about my own internalized covert racism - that was mostly caused by my mother thinking that my blackness was unimportant, uncomfortable and inconvenient for ~~her~~ white people in general - i have only now been able to see some semblance of self love.
in the past 12 months, enough different people *everywhere* have ~~had~~ learned how to have so many honest, vulnerable ongoing and open conversations about what covert racism is — and how it can *so easily start on the family level.* it’s only recently that i have been brave enough to even make a comment like this, to someone like you, op, a white male.
please work on this before you do long-term emotional damage to your children. the reason their hair seemed like too daunting of a task is a product of systemic racism. *and you are a tool of it* unless you change.
-edited for clarity
|
yta. aside from having had a chance to learn how to care for their hair, your post also indicates that cutting their hair was something that upset your oldest daughter a lot. that’s not okay. she shouldn’t be forced to feel uncomfortable in her body.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello i(35m) have 3 daughters, 5, 6 and 8. they are biracial (i'm white and mom was black) and have very very curly hair. my wife passed away four years ago and i have been raising them on my own since then. my late wife's family has always been great in helping me out, however, and we went to family functions regularly before covid19. my sister in law would always take them to a salon that specialized in black women's hair whenever they needed it, and she also regularly helped them out, so i never really learned how to help them with it. unfortunately, my sister in law is also a healthcare worker, and when covid19 hit, she moved 4 hours away because she specialized in something to do with covid19 and they needed her in that area. furthermore, the salons have been periodically closing and reopening and it is hard for me to get appointments. on top of this all, i am a manager at my job and we were trying to get all of our clients and employees set up for online work so that we could continue to be productive and the increased workload has had me working an average of 60-70 hours a week for the first few months of the pandemic. well 2 of my girls hair started to get really matted and it basically came down to the fact that i was not keeping up with things, i admit. their hair was getting out of control so i just decided to cut it by myself and figured it would grow back by the time they got back to school and stuff. i cut it really short, but it did not look too bad as i was following a youtube video. this was months ago now, but my oldest daughter is still upset about it because she had really long hair before and her hair takes longer to grow. my sister in law finally came back about a month ago and is continuing to help my daughters once again. however, the other day when she was at my house, my sil asked my oldest daughter why they decided to cut their hair so short and she responded with the whole story about how their hair got matted and their dad(me) made them. well my sil was angry and implied in front of my daughters that because i was white, i couldn't understand them(my sil s really into social justice). i yelled at her because i really try my best to fight racial stereotypes and stuff, and i certainly don't want my kids to think that i love them less because of their color. while we did apologize to eachother, she still claimed i was wrong for cutting their hair. aita for cutting my daughters' hair really short because i didn't know what else to do?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello i(35m) have 3 daughters, 5, 6 and 8. they are biracial (i'm white and mom was black) and have very very curly hair. my wife passed away four years ago and i have been raising them on my own since then. my late wife's family has always been great in helping me out, however, and we went to family functions regularly before covid19. my sister in law would always take them to a salon that specialized in black women's hair whenever they needed it, and she also regularly helped them out, so i never really learned how to help them with it. unfortunately, my sister in law is also a healthcare worker, and when covid19 hit, she moved 4 hours away because she specialized in something to do with covid19 and they needed her in that area. furthermore, the salons have been periodically closing and reopening and it is hard for me to get appointments. on top of this all, i am a manager at my job and we were trying to get all of our clients and employees set up for online work so that we could continue to be productive and the increased workload has had me working an average of 60-70 hours a week for the first few months of the pandemic. well 2 of my girls hair started to get really matted and it basically came down to the fact that i was not keeping up with things, i admit. their hair was getting out of control so i just decided to cut it by myself and figured it would grow back by the time they got back to school and stuff. i cut it really short, but it did not look too bad as i was following a youtube video. this was months ago now, but my oldest daughter is still upset about it because she had really long hair before and her hair takes longer to grow. my sister in law finally came back about a month ago and is continuing to help my daughters once again. however, the other day when she was at my house, my sil asked my oldest daughter why they decided to cut their hair so short and she responded with the whole story about how their hair got matted and their dad(me) made them. well my sil was angry and implied in front of my daughters that because i was white, i couldn't understand them(my sil s really into social justice). i yelled at her because i really try my best to fight racial stereotypes and stuff, and i certainly don't want my kids to think that i love them less because of their color. while we did apologize to eachother, she still claimed i was wrong for cutting their hair. aita for cutting my daughters' hair really short because i didn't know what else to do? [/INST] yta. you could use youtube to figure out how to cut it, but not how to care for it? you wanted the easy way out and didn’t stop to think about the message you were sending your daughters - that their hair is a problem and you can’t be bothered with it. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my niece host her wedding at my "castle"?
|
28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy.
it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children.
our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years.
recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle.
i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa".
my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere.
i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous.
eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused
| 24,590 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jskty5/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_host_her_wedding_at/
|
2020-11-12 01:02:15
|
nta - do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? if so, good news, it's yours now. be sure to let her know.
|
nta. you offered a compromise, but she has refused. this isn’t just an extra property that you rent out, it is your second home and where you plan on retiring. although i don’t think it would be the end of the earth to accommodate them, the fact they expect you and your immediate family to rent hotel rooms to attend a wedding in your property is ridiculous.
also, all these plans hinge on her getting access to property that you don’t own to host canopies. and not to mention that she will need access to the castle ahead of time to set up all the vendors and do walk through. it is a bigger commitment and expense than she realizes.
just an aside, you would also have to get some sort of event insurance policy to cover anyone getting injured or driving drunk or damaging the neighboring property. something to consider too.
|
nta
it’s your property and they shouldn’t expect your whole family to vacate the property so they can have a wedding in your home. that’s incredibly selfish.
|
nta. you took the high road multiple times here. during the zoom meeting you bit your tongue. you slept on your decision without making it; and now your family has the audacity to make you feel bad?
i would have a discussion with them on where you draw your boundaries; because, they clearly crossed it by planning an entire wedding that banked on a property that isn't theirs.
|
if you and your family are staying at the castle she can’t pretend to be a princess on her wedding day. my guess is that she has been bragging about her “family castle” to all her friends and would have to come clean to her friends about the fact that she has only stayed there as a guest. that’s why she won’t accept any of the compromises you’ve offered.
|
nta. it isn't a family property. it is yours, and you have been generous. no one should demand your room. plus, it should be that your family goes to a hotel.
|
nta. your niece is so entitled. she expects you to host her wedding without even asking you first before telling everyone and then expects you to give up your whole house for it. then expects whoever owns the land near you to just let her use without even asking. she has no right to just expect these things and then get upset about. it’s your house.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. as you've stated the castle yard is too small and her using the fields, you don't own, hinge on the owner agreeing. what if the owner of the fields says "no" is she going to put the canopies up anyway. you know what will *really* ruin her dream wedding? the police showing up and telling everyone to get off the land or be arrested for trespassing.
niece and your sister need a reality check, especially since the "fields" that they want to use for the wedding are actually olive groves (as you've mentioned in another comment). the olive farmer isn't going to want people trampling their plants.
|
info: why does she have to "use the master bedroom as the bridal suite" and provide accommodation in your home for the bridal party? can't they stay in hotels?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy. it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children. our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years. recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle. i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa". my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere. i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous. eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
28 years ago my wife and i combined our savings (most of which came from inheritance after my father's passing) and bought our "castle" in southern europe. it was actually a derelict farmhouse with some land but it has a small turret so our family has always referred to it as the castle. my wife and i decided we'd rather have a small, basic house in our home country and focus our time and resources readying the castle for us to retire in and for our children to enjoy. it took years but around the time our eldest was born it was finally finished. it's not massive; 5 bedrooms and a small pool in the gardens but it is our paradise. we've always allowed our families and friends to use it whenever they please, and have spent every summer vacation staying there with our children. our only stipulation when people stay there is that the master bedroom is off limits. it takes up most of the 3rd floor with the remaining bedrooms on the 2nd floor. a lot of my and my wife's belongings are in there, and it's also the room we have shared together for over twenty years. recently my niece got engaged and held an engagement party on zoom at the weekend. when asked what ideas they'd had so far she excitedly told me they'd actually been planning to ask us if they could hold the wedding at the castle. i was a bit taken aback but didn't want to outright refuse. i joked it would have to be a rather small wedding since they'd struggle to fit more than 25 people in the gardens. she gushed that she'd already thought it through and they'd put up canopies in the field nearby (we don't own that land) and if all the guests stayed in hotels in the town she would arrange transport for "us all to get to the villa". my wife and i bit our tongues not wanting to make a fuss during their engament celebration. but later when my niece texted me to repeat what she'd said i asked her to clarify the sleeping arrangements and after some back and forth it came to light she plans to use the master bedroom as the bridal suite and for the wedding party to have the remaining rooms. my wife, children and i would have to stay elsewhere. i slept on my decision and spoke with my wife. on sunday i responded and politely refused, saying it's too small and we aren't comfortable having anyone in our room. both she and my sister blew up at me telling me i was ruining her wedding and she'd always dreamed of marrying at the castle. my sister even said since i used my inheritance it's "family property" which is obviously ridiculous. eta when we texted her on sunday we offered a compromise: no master bedroom, and either get permission/insurances to use the fields, or reduce guest count to 25. we even offered to host a small rehearsal too but she rejected the offers. that is when we outright refused [/INST] nta - do you know what your sister bought with her part of the inheritance? if so, good news, it's yours now. be sure to let her know. </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister she would have been a terrible mother?
|
i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them.
me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that.
so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.”
miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford.
i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back.
she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita?
| 17,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qxfus7/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_would_have_been_a/
|
2021-11-19 13:08:05
|
yta. you went way too far with that comment. shame on you. and miranda is completely right. it’s her money that she earned. she has absolutely no obligation to give her money away if she doesn’t want too. you and your family expecting miranda to give her money to her sister that can’t afford her lifestyle is greedy. yes your sister alice kept having kids, it was her choice to keep having them. no one owes your sister anything because of the choices she made, especially her sister.
|
yta
your parents are also ah's.
your sister alice is also an ah.
just because miranda can afford to take care of alice's children doesn't mean it's her responsibility. who are you to need to understand what miranda does on the weekends or what she spends her earnings on? it's not fair??? miranda is right.
alice is old enough to understand how to use condoms. if she's struggling with money at the 3rd kid, then struggling more at the 4th then why the hell did she get pregnant with a 5th? there's the selfish sibling for you and its not miranda, wakey wakey. alice is the one who seems to expect the rest of the world has to provide for the kids she keeps irresponsibly having.
btw you are not just cruel for what you said. you're also entitled and childish. you made an active decision to help alice and her kids. either you do so selflessly or you choose to stop, but you don't cry about "that's not fair" when someone else makes a different choice than you with their own time and money.
|
yta. and very condescending as well:
"well, she works long hours, *but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends*. she also doesn’t help out financially, *which i find unfair, since she makes so much money*"
on weekends, she probably has a wonderful time doing hobbies, spending time with friends, or just vegging and watching tv. what she's *not* doing is wiping little noses, changing diapers, listening to temper tantrums, cleaning up messes, or mediating childish spats. some people enjoy that and some don't. her life sounds admirable and pleasant. alice on the other hand has 5 kids, no career, isn't even married, and struggles financially. my guess is miranda doesn't want to waste a lot of her hard earned money on alice, who shows no signs of improving her lot in life or becoming stable and independent.
|
yta, in a big way. your sister is 100% right about alice and her choices. your comment was unspeakably cruel. i feel terrible for miranda. she’s done well for herself and instead of being happy for her, her family seems to think she needs to be a cash cow for her sister’s choices.
you need to apologize to your sister asap. if she doesn’t want to speak to you again, you need to respect that and back off. you really messed up here.
|
yta, a big one.
miranda said it best:
>she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences.
you, your parents, and alice have a lot of nerve expecting miranda to support alice's poor choices. not one of you are entitled to a penny of her money. it is also none of your business what she does/doesn't do on weekends.
|
oh wow. miranda is 100% right and yta.
|
yup, yta. that was an extremely low and hurtful blow. and your sister has no obligation to spend her hard earned money on anyone else. you have no idea what type of history the two sisters have with each other. alice really does sound like she keeps having kids she can't afford. her and her boyfriend are the ones financially responsible. not anyone else. would i ever deny my nieces and nephews necessities? absolutely not. and it doesn't sound like miranda is either. you are the ah and owe her a massive apology.
|
yta - a judgmental, unpleasant one at that.
it's not miranda's job to subsidise alice's irresponsible behaviour. if she is already struggling financially, why have another child? oh, because you all keep bailing her out, that's why!
miranda got her s**t together and isn't a burden on anybody else. maybe you should see her as an example instead of the baby-machine sister condemning her kids to poverty.
you owe miranda a huge apology. your comments were apalling.
|
yta for your comment. esh as a family to miranda but i would add one thing that i think people are missing here.
op: you are 17 which is old enough to get your ass whooped internet style on aita for being cruel. but you are also still a kid and i think it’s important to look at the **age gap** here. both alice and miranda are quite close in age and then you are so much younger they are pretty much another generation to you right now and had a whole childhood before you arrived. you are the ‘only child with older siblings’ age gap gulf that means you have a totally different sibling and parent dynamic to their upbringing so you honestly have no damned idea what might run deeper.
also alice had her first kid around the age you are now so your niblings are closer in age to you that your siblings who i believe are full sibs right not half with a remarriage? so you don’t really remember much of a time when alice wasn’t having kids and your parents weren’t focusing a lot on alice and their grand kids so it sounds like its been normalized that you as only maybe 5 or 6 years older as uncle have been parentified into caring for or sharing your childhood with your nieces and nephews. alice has been taking your childhood to raise her five kids. your mom and dad were complicit in that and by the sound of it at least expected miranda to pay her dues finanicially by big ticket gifts to you and them if she refused to physically parent any of the minor kids or her sister.
op: miranda set a boundary not to enmesh herself in a toxic situation that you have been done dirty by too. you are the only son so there might be some golden child/scapegoat dynamics here too. but here’s the thing, a gilded cage is still a cage. you are giving up your weekends when you should be studying, dating, making friends, being a teen, having a job and establishing self and independence to look after your sister’s kids that their two parents amd your two parents can’t raise. you are mad at miranda when it’s you who runs the risk of still being at home at alice’s age giving up your life to give her kids your chances and not realising the person here to model yourself on is miranda. she is the person who can also help you disentangle yourself but her attempts to keep herself ‘clean’ of the mess resulted you flinging shit in her face.
and here’s the kicker. miranda can and does survive and thrive without the enmeshed shitshow of your family. she will be just fine without you. but you just fucked yourself and destroyed the one ally you could have had to help you realise you are in a sinking ship. the lifeboat sailed because you didn’t just vent your genuine issues to miranda like an overwhelmed teen might reasonably do and apologised. you went so low and so cruel you sailed her off by cutting the tow rope. the fact you went there when and how you did shows that you had been thinking and sitting on this and she knows that while she kept a spot on her raft for you until she knew, you never had any room for her.
miranda will very likely take this last cut and free herself and create a whole new life without family. you will feel the trappings of this asshole moment forever **because you still don’t think you were wrong. you still think you had a point and she’s overreacting**. you are mad because miranda is exposing your asshole not because you’ve blushed at the realisation you are one. you aren’t apologetic. you are just sorry you kicked your lifeboat too hard and can’t catch it.
at this point continuing to try to contact miranda is not apologising or peacemaking. it’s justification and it comes from the wrong place for her to trust you. you have to leave her be and see if she ever trusts you again by how you act. trust is built with a spoon and broken with a shovel as they say.
while miranda is out of your life you might want to look at the people actually driling holes in your boat though as to why your ass is also wet…
|
yta. your parents are too because i'm pretty sure you started developing this opinion because you hear them being entitled and making similar comments. alice's financial straits are largely her own fault although it feels a little harsh to say that. if she was struggling at the beginning with two children, there is no reason she should be about to have a fifth child that she cannot afford. however, her choices are her choices. that doesn't mean miranda needs to cover for her choices by offering up money she has worked hard for. miranda likely realizes that alice will never turn things around if people continue to fund her life for her. no one is ever entitled to help from anyone. miranda seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, she always buys "really nice presents" according to you for all of you which costs a fair bit of money in and of itself. and here you are, backstabbing her by hitting her with the lowest of blows. do not be surprised if your relationship is never the same after this.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them. me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that. so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.” miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford. i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17m) have two sisters, alice (29) and miranda (33). i am much closer to alice than i am to miranda. miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for. miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. she had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a sahm to her children while her boyfriend provides for them. me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. i love my nieces and nephews. i take them to the park and play with the older ones, i really enjoy it. miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so i don’t know what she does on weekends. she also doesn’t help out financially, which i find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for christmas and birthdays. my parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to alice monthly, and i agree with that. so, here comes the part where i may have been an asshole. i was at miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up. we got on the topic of christmas presents and i told her some of the stuff i wanted. she nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids. i was a little stunned she didn’t have more for alice, so i asked, “why do you only get alice the bare minimum? you can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.” miranda looked at me and laughed. she said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences. she knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford. i was stunned at how cold she reacted. i asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those. drop the subject or get out.” i got really frustrated with her and said something i probably shouldn’t have. i told her, “no wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.” miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. she has now blocked me on everything, and though i don’t agree with her not helping out, i’m starting to feel guilty for what i said. so, aita? [/INST] yta. you went way too far with that comment. shame on you. and miranda is completely right. it’s her money that she earned. she has absolutely no obligation to give her money away if she doesn’t want too. you and your family expecting miranda to give her money to her sister that can’t afford her lifestyle is greedy. yes your sister alice kept having kids, it was her choice to keep having them. no one owes your sister anything because of the choices she made, especially her sister. </s>
|
AITA for calling my brother a piss baby?
|
my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude.
last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel)
surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever.
aita for calling my brother a piss baby?
| 20,333 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gw2p4i/aita_for_calling_my_brother_a_piss_baby/
|
2020-06-03 21:07:47
|
nta.
let me get this straight:
your parents defended your 27 year old brother from you, 16, to the point that they threw you out of the house?
hell no, you are not the asshole. but it is entirely possible that you live with 3 of them.
|
[removed]
|
[removed]
|
nta.
and your parents are wretched for encouraging his behavior. most people don’t want incels because they’re psychopaths
also, you could get the law involved for them kicking you out since you’re a minor
|
nta. also since you were *kicked out of your house* i would say this is the perfect opportunity to contact your guidance counselor or someone else at the school about how awfully your older brother treats you. go in with tears about how you’re bullied at home and then make sure they know this is all done by your brother that teaches gym at your school. might be petty but honestly you’d be saving the girls that have to deal with his attitude in gym. he shouldn’t be a teacher and you can bring it up without seeming vindictive because you got kicked out of the house so it’s your schools responsibility to do something. good luck.
|
[removed]
|
nta.
you told your brother he’s the problem and of course he’s going to get upset because he doesn’t want to face it. he would rather blame women for his dating problems instead of fix himself
|
nta - keep finding new phrases. piss baby is a great start, you got this!
|
nta. calling out someone for their mistreatment of women is not wrong. like he should figure out that if no one is wanting to date him that he is the problem. your parents should stop supporting this behavior bc if he continues to believe that he’s the “nice guy” and all the girls are “dirty whores” he’s never gonna be able to stay in a long term relationship.
|
[removed]
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude. last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel) surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever. aita for calling my brother a piss baby?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (27m) lives with my parents and i (16m). my brother is a nice guy/incel. he’s constantly ranting about how girls won’t go out with him, and how apparently they’re all dirty whores for not liking him. my parents seem to only encourage his behavior. what’s worse is he’s a gym teacher, so his female students (some of whom are my classmates) are exposed to his nasty ass attitude. last night, my brother went on another long rant about the latest girl who managed to resist his ‘nice guy charm.’ he kept going on about it, and i got annoyed because of it. i told him, ‘maybe if you weren’t such a piss baby someone would want to date you.’ (piss baby was said because my parents have forbidden the term incel in our house. because my brother gets upset over it. also, it was the first thing i could come up with other than incel) surprise, my brother gets upset about it. my dad tells me to apologize to my brother, and i tell him i wasn’t going to apologize to a nasty ass piss baby who goes around treating people (mainly women) like shit just because he’s a ‘nice guy.’ things escalate to where my dad, brother and i are all screaming at each other at the dinner table. it ends with me being told to find a friend to stay with for the night, because my parents (and brother) are sooo disappointed in me. i got a long voice mail telling me how disappointing i was. i got told i went too far, and should regret my actions. i don’t regret my actions, and i don’t think i went too far, but whatever. aita for calling my brother a piss baby? [/INST] nta. let me get this straight: your parents defended your 27 year old brother from you, 16, to the point that they threw you out of the house? hell no, you are not the asshole. but it is entirely possible that you live with 3 of them. </s>
|
AITA for thinking the school or the other Parent show pay for new epipens?
|
on friday a student at my daughters school had a severe allergic reaction. the kids parent never brought in a new epipen after an old one expired and the school didn’t have any of their own so they used my daughters pens. both of them. now i’m not upset they used them. it may have saved the kids life. i’m glad the kid is okay.
today when i went to drop off new ones for the school and i asked the school for contact information of the parent so i can get reimbursed for the new pens. they told me they couldn’t give me that information and refused to even contact the parent for me. so i produce the receipt and said ok you can reimburse me for it as my insurance would only pay once a year for them, i do it every january and i had to get these out of pocket. the woman acted like i had aborted a baby in front of her. she refused saying that the school isn’t liable for the use of the epipens.
i make okay money but these damn things are not cheap, 650$, and that’s still a lot of money for us. i’m glad that it was used to save a kids life but i really do feel as if i should be reimbursed. but i was made to feel like a worthless asshole.
i spoke to the principal of the school and... well i was a little more short that i should have been after the secretary was such a bitch and he’s going to talk to the school board. currently they’ve never had this happen before and they don’t know how to proceed. it cost me 650$ to replace the set.
so aita for wanting someone to repay me for a life saving drug that was used on another child?
| 18,131 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8vfbj/aita_for_thinking_the_school_or_the_other_parent/
|
2020-02-24 18:15:33
|
nta.
remind them that they *stole prescription medication from a child* and are now refusing to pay for it.
|
"my lawyer and, most likely, the media will be in touch."
nta
|
nta.
the school basically stole your daughter's epipens. yes, they saved that kid's life - good on them - *but someone still had to pay for those, and still has to pay to replace them*. pretty sure forking over $650 (which is a ludicrous cost, just saying) to replace them is something that should be covered under their budget for *not letting kids die under their watch*.
|
nta. you should def be reimbursed. also... what would have happened had your daughter had an allergic reaction after they used her epipens on the other kids.
seems like this school might need to revamp their policies regarding epipens etc
|
nta you should absolutely be reimbursed. maybe head over to r/legaladvice to see what legally your options are if the school continues to stonewall you.
|
nta. your money saved that child’s life. the least they can do is replace them.
a few months back i had to use the school inhaler. the next day i replaced with with a sealed one. £9 it cost me.
|
if someone's epipen saved my child's life i would be beating down their door trying to pay them. i'm sure the parents of that child don't know the situation. besides the cost to you, are there any pens available at school right now for your child? that is a big risk for the school to take at you and your daughter's expense. i'm appalled that they didn't make arrangements for your child's well-being the minute the situation had been handled for the other child. to not replace the epipen is the same as theft. the principal needs to talk to the secretary as it is not her place to decide what the school is responsible for and it is not her place to make a parent feel small for something the secretary obviously doesn't understand. i would be asking for an apology. the principal also needs to be aware of the danger he has now put your child in. i have seen firsthand the severity of an allergic reaction without epipen administration and i would be furious that my child was at risk.
|
nta
tf? epipens are expensive, and although it was good they used yours in order to help a child, they need to understand that technically, it was not theirs to use as it was medication specifically allocated for your child.
epipens are a godsend, but it’s a sin how expensive it is - epinephrine itself pretty cheap :/
|
nta *at all*. you could probably get the school into a lot of trouble for using one student's prescription on another child. what if your child needs one now and there are none available for them? it's outrageous. if they won't budge, go over their heads to the school board and consult a lawyer. local media would probably be very interested in this story as well.
|
>these damn things are not cheap, 650$
jesus this country is fucked.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on friday a student at my daughters school had a severe allergic reaction. the kids parent never brought in a new epipen after an old one expired and the school didn’t have any of their own so they used my daughters pens. both of them. now i’m not upset they used them. it may have saved the kids life. i’m glad the kid is okay. today when i went to drop off new ones for the school and i asked the school for contact information of the parent so i can get reimbursed for the new pens. they told me they couldn’t give me that information and refused to even contact the parent for me. so i produce the receipt and said ok you can reimburse me for it as my insurance would only pay once a year for them, i do it every january and i had to get these out of pocket. the woman acted like i had aborted a baby in front of her. she refused saying that the school isn’t liable for the use of the epipens. i make okay money but these damn things are not cheap, 650$, and that’s still a lot of money for us. i’m glad that it was used to save a kids life but i really do feel as if i should be reimbursed. but i was made to feel like a worthless asshole. i spoke to the principal of the school and... well i was a little more short that i should have been after the secretary was such a bitch and he’s going to talk to the school board. currently they’ve never had this happen before and they don’t know how to proceed. it cost me 650$ to replace the set. so aita for wanting someone to repay me for a life saving drug that was used on another child?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on friday a student at my daughters school had a severe allergic reaction. the kids parent never brought in a new epipen after an old one expired and the school didn’t have any of their own so they used my daughters pens. both of them. now i’m not upset they used them. it may have saved the kids life. i’m glad the kid is okay. today when i went to drop off new ones for the school and i asked the school for contact information of the parent so i can get reimbursed for the new pens. they told me they couldn’t give me that information and refused to even contact the parent for me. so i produce the receipt and said ok you can reimburse me for it as my insurance would only pay once a year for them, i do it every january and i had to get these out of pocket. the woman acted like i had aborted a baby in front of her. she refused saying that the school isn’t liable for the use of the epipens. i make okay money but these damn things are not cheap, 650$, and that’s still a lot of money for us. i’m glad that it was used to save a kids life but i really do feel as if i should be reimbursed. but i was made to feel like a worthless asshole. i spoke to the principal of the school and... well i was a little more short that i should have been after the secretary was such a bitch and he’s going to talk to the school board. currently they’ve never had this happen before and they don’t know how to proceed. it cost me 650$ to replace the set. so aita for wanting someone to repay me for a life saving drug that was used on another child? [/INST] nta. remind them that they *stole prescription medication from a child* and are now refusing to pay for it. </s>
|
AITA for “tattling” on my boyfriend to his mother
|
my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years, and things were great until our daughter was born 6 months ago.
since then, our relationship has gone down the tubes because he refuses to care for her. he’ll sit on the couch and play video games and he’ll only tend to her while she’s screaming if i tell him to. even then, unless i’m in the middle of doing something right then, he’ll ask me why i can’t just do it instead. on top of that, he only holds her if i hand her to him while he’s watching tv and she’s calm. he stays up late playing video games but still won’t get her when she cries, so i have to get up with her. we’ve talked about it multiple times, to the extent that i’ve told him i can’t handle it anymore, and he improves for a week and then goes back to his old ways.
i’m honestly considering filing for custody but tried one last ditch effort. i put the baby in his gaming room and told him i was going out. in reality, i just went to the gas station because i felt like i couldn’t trust him, and sure enough when i got back the baby was screaming and he was ignoring her. i took a ~10 second video of this and after i comforted the baby, i sent it to his mother with an explanation of what’s going on.
she called him and absolutely reamed him for it and now he’s upset with me for involving his mother and for “taking a video out of context.” i’m at my wits end and will probably leave him at this point, but aita for sending the video?
| 21,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azfg6o/aita_for_tattling_on_my_boyfriend_to_his_mother/
|
2019-03-10 13:04:51
|
nta - you probably felt like she was the only one who might get through to him (she won't, though). also, this guy clearly does not give a damn about his child, move on for your daughter's sake.
|
nta - but there's something here other commenters have missed. your man needs help. this might be postpartum depression - yes, men get it too. in any case, isn't it painfully obvious that he isn't coping? get him some help!
|
[removed]
|
nta.
i’d almost ask if you were kidding, but you have a neglectful boyfriend and it’s good that you’re considering leaving, as he isn’t providing any sort of contribution to the care of your child.
though, i want to ask, how was his reaction towards your pregnancy? was he excited for your child? or did he seem disconnected even then?
|
nah
i've seen this a few times before in new fathers - it sounds to me (not a doctor!) like postnatal depression.
it's very common, and we don't really talk about it much for women, and not at all for men. between 10-25% of new fathers suffer from it.
and if he has it - it's not something he can get over on his own. it's a very serious condition.
http://postpartum.org/services/dads/signs-of-ppd-anxiety-in-men/
i found this description for example very moving:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/robert-post-23548595
you're not the asshole, because living with someone with depression is extremely hard. he isn't the asshole, because there's literally nothing he can do alone about it. postnatal depression breaks something in you about how you see your kid and family, and he can't fix it alone.
again, i'm not a doctor. you need to see a doctor. start with your family doctor, but do it fast.
|
nta - other methods didn't seem to work. sometimes mom can get the point through and it was worth a shot. based on how you've described him, he doesn't seem liable to change and you need to do what's best for your child.
|
nta. my husband has been a gamer since he was a teenager and he still got things done. i could count on him to take care of our children if i needed him to, even if he was in the middle of playing. your boyfriend seems to have no (or very little) sense of responsibility and that isn’t fair to you or your baby. i think that telling his mother was perfectly reasonable and i would have done the same thing. serious question, does he bring anything positive to your life? does he bring you joy? if you answered no to these, you are probably better off raising your child alone. kids know when their parents would rather they didn’t exist and it’s heartbreaking to come to terms with. my husband knows all about this. it screwed him up for years.
|
nta
and maybe try couples therapy, so you don't have to divorce him right away. although i could understand you if you did. wtf is he thinking, raising a kid would be easy?
|
nta. the way he's behaving is really concerning and it's terrible parenting. his behavior isn't changing, and you are trying to appeal to him in any way you can. honestly, it sounds like there's something really weird going on, some sort of trauma response or something-- this isn't just a case of chores not being handled equally, this is a parent ignoring the needs of his suffering child. and if the behavior continues, it's not just that you deserve a co-parent willing to share in childcare responsibilities (although that's certainly also true)-- it's not healthy for your kid to be around someone who routinely ignores their needs.
(if your first response were to go to his mom, that would be uncalled for. but this is part of an extended conversation where a kid's health is on the line.)
|
nta sounds like you are taking care of one infant and a man-baby. i like my video games , bit a baby needs care. dude needs to step up.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years, and things were great until our daughter was born 6 months ago. since then, our relationship has gone down the tubes because he refuses to care for her. he’ll sit on the couch and play video games and he’ll only tend to her while she’s screaming if i tell him to. even then, unless i’m in the middle of doing something right then, he’ll ask me why i can’t just do it instead. on top of that, he only holds her if i hand her to him while he’s watching tv and she’s calm. he stays up late playing video games but still won’t get her when she cries, so i have to get up with her. we’ve talked about it multiple times, to the extent that i’ve told him i can’t handle it anymore, and he improves for a week and then goes back to his old ways. i’m honestly considering filing for custody but tried one last ditch effort. i put the baby in his gaming room and told him i was going out. in reality, i just went to the gas station because i felt like i couldn’t trust him, and sure enough when i got back the baby was screaming and he was ignoring her. i took a ~10 second video of this and after i comforted the baby, i sent it to his mother with an explanation of what’s going on. she called him and absolutely reamed him for it and now he’s upset with me for involving his mother and for “taking a video out of context.” i’m at my wits end and will probably leave him at this point, but aita for sending the video?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years, and things were great until our daughter was born 6 months ago. since then, our relationship has gone down the tubes because he refuses to care for her. he’ll sit on the couch and play video games and he’ll only tend to her while she’s screaming if i tell him to. even then, unless i’m in the middle of doing something right then, he’ll ask me why i can’t just do it instead. on top of that, he only holds her if i hand her to him while he’s watching tv and she’s calm. he stays up late playing video games but still won’t get her when she cries, so i have to get up with her. we’ve talked about it multiple times, to the extent that i’ve told him i can’t handle it anymore, and he improves for a week and then goes back to his old ways. i’m honestly considering filing for custody but tried one last ditch effort. i put the baby in his gaming room and told him i was going out. in reality, i just went to the gas station because i felt like i couldn’t trust him, and sure enough when i got back the baby was screaming and he was ignoring her. i took a ~10 second video of this and after i comforted the baby, i sent it to his mother with an explanation of what’s going on. she called him and absolutely reamed him for it and now he’s upset with me for involving his mother and for “taking a video out of context.” i’m at my wits end and will probably leave him at this point, but aita for sending the video? [/INST] nta - you probably felt like she was the only one who might get through to him (she won't, though). also, this guy clearly does not give a damn about his child, move on for your daughter's sake. </s>
|
AITA for being mad at my wife for dumpster diving?
|
hi everyone, i’d like some input.
my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more.
recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong.
the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me.
they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total.
i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special.
i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
| 17,830 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b12st4/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_wife_for_dumpster_diving/
|
2019-03-14 17:01:37
|
yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world.
|
[deleted]
|
yta. dumpster diving is a great way to save money and help keep items out of landfills. i would recommend she look at some of the diving groups on facebook, they have a lot of great tips for places to go and also ways to stay safe. people find unopened items all the time, items that are brand new and otherwise would fill a landfill.
|
yta. get a second/third job if you don't want your wife to result to such a "low".
it is dumb that she won't tell you why she won't use her tiny savings, but it could be for something actually important.
|
yta she's used her initiative and found a way to get more for your families tight budget.
maybe be thankful she's going to all that trouble to do more for your family and not shame her.
|
yta. a lot of people dumpster dive to save money, and people waste a lot of stuff just throwing it away. you guys live paycheck to paycheck and your wife figured out something to help. she's not even diving for leftover food! she just found coupons people didn't need, so what in the hell is the matter?
|
yta - you are mad at your wife for getting free/better quality food for your family because you don’t like the idea of her digging through the trash. sad that your priorities are so backwards. just because you wouldn’t dig through the garbage to provide for your family, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
|
yta. you're mad... at your wife... for scavenging... for coupons?
|
yta at first i assumed this was going to be dumpster food which you would have a point just for the sanitary issues of good even if sealed sitting in a dumpster. but she is hurting no one and your comment about “lowering herself to that level” is just a shitty thing to say.
|
yta - if your budget is that tight, and if she doesn't have an issue doing it herself, then you should mind your own fucking business, man.
who are you to judge what your wife does to earn an extra $30? and you're also **directly benefiting** from it *by your own admission.*
i do "get" not being thrilled about how she's saving the money, but i think you need to grow up.
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, i’d like some input. my wife and i struggle to make ends meet. we strictly budget everything down to the dollar, without a lot of wiggle room. this includes our groceries, which we have a set $ amount we spend, no more. recently our dd dropped the milk and spilled it. it was 5 days to payday and we’d already done our grocery shopping. my wife said she’d figure it out. i know she has a little money stashed for herself that she’s gotten from selling some of her clothes recently, so when she came home with milk and a bag of chips for the kids as a treat, i figured she must have decided to dip into that. boy was i wrong. the next week i noticed our food was a little...higher quality. a couple of brand name things, even a roast on sunday with asparagus. i figured she must have gotten some killer deals, but when i asked she said “oh no, i found a bunch of money off coupons.” then she showed a few to me. they were those “earn 0.07$ a gallon” receipts you get at the gas station. she had gone there and dug through the garbage! she said she got about 5$ worth of these receipts the first time when we needed milk, and went back the next week for more, netting about 30$ total. i was speechless. i asked her how she could lower herself like that. she replied that she did it for our kids. when i asked why she didn’t use her money she had saved, she said it was hers and she was saving it for something special. i’m so disgusted guys. i can’t believe she did this. i don’t even want to look at her. she on the other hand is mad at me, and says i’m an asshole for being mad, and for expecting her to use her saved money instead. aita for expecting my wife not to dumpster dive? [/INST] yta in a major way. there’s nothing low about dumpster diving to get coupons to feed your children. swallow your fucking pride, man. your children come long before your sense of superiority that “oh at least i don’t sink that low”. welcome to the real world. </s>
|
AITA for the real reason I want to have another baby?
|
first and foremost, my son doesn't like me.
not in a bratty "i hate you because you didn't let me get mcdonalds" way, but a more subtle way. it's been like this since the beginning. his first word was "mommy", and it took him another year to say "daddy". when mom comes home from work, it's always "i missed you so much! how was your day! i saved you some crackers!", but when i come home from work, my son doesn't bother even coming down from his room to greet me. if i want to know anything about my sons life outside of home, i have to learn it through my wife. i've tried everything to get him to like me. i took time off of work to spend more time with him, buy him gifts, etc, but he acts like i'm a stepfather trying to force my way into his life. my wife knows how i feel, but aways tells me that i'm reading too much into it, and that he's just a "mommy's boy".
i've had to deal with this for 9 years, and it's starting to get to me. it just makes me sad that my own son doesn't love me as much as his mom. i can count on two hands the number of times he's hugged or kissed me, which should say a lot. two weeks ago, i told my wife i wanted to have another child. she agreed immediately and actually seemed really excited about it, until i said i wanted a child that actually loved me. she did the whole shtick of "oh, thats not true, he's just a mommy's boy.", and laughed it off. i laughed with her, too, but the next day she seemed really distant. she seemed uncomfortable around me and spent the day avoiding me. i think she might be reconsidering having another kid.
i don't resent my wife or my son at all. i just want to have a kid that actually shows affection and love towards me, not one that gives me the cold shoulder and silent treatment for absolutely no reason. aita for this reason for wanting another child?
| 4,303 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvbuk4/aita_for_the_real_reason_i_want_to_have_another/
|
2019-05-31 19:31:58
|
yta. get a dog, man. and some therapy.
|
you weren't the asshole until "i said i wanted a child that actually loved me." at that point, yta, and your next step is not "we should have another kid" but "this is really getting to me; i'd like to seek family counseling."
if you don't know why your son appreciates his mother so much more than you, than honestly, having another kid isn't going to solve anything. it's entirely plausible that it's just going to repeat the problem. maybe the issue is that she spent much, much more time with him in his formative years. maybe the issue is that you have specific negative traits that have put him off. maybe the issue is that he's some sort of fae child that was replaced as a baby. maybe the issue is that his mother is subtly encouraging his mommy's boys ways and accidentally trying to keep all the affection for herself. i don't know. you don't know. but if you don't know, having a second child could just repeat this whole thing and make it worse for everyone involved.
|
yta. children are not emotional support animals.
|
> his first word was "mommy", and it took him another year to say "daddy".
this is like 100% normal. this is so common we studied it in linguistics class (children may well tend to bond quicker with mothers than with fathers, but they can also say m sounds a lot sooner than they can say d sounds, because the latter is hard to do without teeth).
your son is only 9. his feelings about you may change quite a lot over the next few years.
and there's no guarantee a second child would be more overtly loving toward you than your son. frankly i think you are expecting too much from your son.
|
yta
don't have another child purely for the fact that you want a do over
|
yta find out why your son doesnt like you and fix that. you cannot abandon this boy to get another you like better. like it or not this is your kid.
|
yta for wanting a child 'of your own.' your son is your child.
it is an incredibly toxic environment to grow up in: one child is one parent's and the other is the other parent's. why? because children aren't objects and they're also not emotional support for parents. also, it says more about the state of your marriage than actual preferences by the children themselves.
what do i mean by that?
why does your wife dismiss your concerns about your son's lack of affection?
how does your wife talk about you to your son?
does your son cover your wife's emotional needs?
how has this disparity affected your marriage? have you worked on that?
how present were you during your son's first two years of life? at what age do you feel like you 'bonded' with him, if ever?
i've noticed that a lot of parents forget, or don't know, that infant caregiving is bonding. so changing diapers, feeding, putting to sleep, putting on clothes, washing hands, etc is bonding for infants. when we wash our hands of those activities because infants are kinda like animated lumps of clay that don't 'do' much except eat, shit, sleep and cry, we negate how those are the founding blocks of any relationship we might have with them in the future. if we 'wait' until they talk, or can behave socially out in public, play catch/or any sport, we waited too long.
i would honestly say you could benefit from individual counseling for yourself. i don't know if your wife sucked your son out of your world due to resentment, because she's a total narcissist and needs that all-encompassing love, or if you just woke up to the fact that you have a child and don't have a relationship with him. i don't know if your relationship with your own father sucked and that's why you haven't been able to crack your relationship with your son. i can't get a read on why you'd think a do-over would be easier than not giving up on the child that already exists in the world. as such, i don't know if couple's counseling or family therapy would even work for you.
first, figure out the dynamics that are causing this and then fix that shit as best as you can. do not let go of your son without trying everything you can man. buying stuff is not a relationship. do not make the same mistakes again. do not "steal" a child's natural affection for its mother because "this one is yours."
just like severe sibling rivalry is actually a parent issue (parents make the kids fight for their approval/affection/etc), severe disparity in parental affection is talking about pretty much everything except your son.
|
yta. what the hell is wrong with you, man?
|
yta, you don't have children so that they love you. that's a great way to fuck them up, first of all, but also it just may or may not happen for no reason at all
it does suck that your son acts so distant. that sounds painful and like there's not much that can be done.
you could try giving your attention and love elsewhere, for instance volunteering or getting a pet.
|
yta, he’s a kid, it sucks that he is distant with you, but you make it sound like you will basically give up on him if you have another kid.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first and foremost, my son doesn't like me. not in a bratty "i hate you because you didn't let me get mcdonalds" way, but a more subtle way. it's been like this since the beginning. his first word was "mommy", and it took him another year to say "daddy". when mom comes home from work, it's always "i missed you so much! how was your day! i saved you some crackers!", but when i come home from work, my son doesn't bother even coming down from his room to greet me. if i want to know anything about my sons life outside of home, i have to learn it through my wife. i've tried everything to get him to like me. i took time off of work to spend more time with him, buy him gifts, etc, but he acts like i'm a stepfather trying to force my way into his life. my wife knows how i feel, but aways tells me that i'm reading too much into it, and that he's just a "mommy's boy". i've had to deal with this for 9 years, and it's starting to get to me. it just makes me sad that my own son doesn't love me as much as his mom. i can count on two hands the number of times he's hugged or kissed me, which should say a lot. two weeks ago, i told my wife i wanted to have another child. she agreed immediately and actually seemed really excited about it, until i said i wanted a child that actually loved me. she did the whole shtick of "oh, thats not true, he's just a mommy's boy.", and laughed it off. i laughed with her, too, but the next day she seemed really distant. she seemed uncomfortable around me and spent the day avoiding me. i think she might be reconsidering having another kid. i don't resent my wife or my son at all. i just want to have a kid that actually shows affection and love towards me, not one that gives me the cold shoulder and silent treatment for absolutely no reason. aita for this reason for wanting another child?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first and foremost, my son doesn't like me. not in a bratty "i hate you because you didn't let me get mcdonalds" way, but a more subtle way. it's been like this since the beginning. his first word was "mommy", and it took him another year to say "daddy". when mom comes home from work, it's always "i missed you so much! how was your day! i saved you some crackers!", but when i come home from work, my son doesn't bother even coming down from his room to greet me. if i want to know anything about my sons life outside of home, i have to learn it through my wife. i've tried everything to get him to like me. i took time off of work to spend more time with him, buy him gifts, etc, but he acts like i'm a stepfather trying to force my way into his life. my wife knows how i feel, but aways tells me that i'm reading too much into it, and that he's just a "mommy's boy". i've had to deal with this for 9 years, and it's starting to get to me. it just makes me sad that my own son doesn't love me as much as his mom. i can count on two hands the number of times he's hugged or kissed me, which should say a lot. two weeks ago, i told my wife i wanted to have another child. she agreed immediately and actually seemed really excited about it, until i said i wanted a child that actually loved me. she did the whole shtick of "oh, thats not true, he's just a mommy's boy.", and laughed it off. i laughed with her, too, but the next day she seemed really distant. she seemed uncomfortable around me and spent the day avoiding me. i think she might be reconsidering having another kid. i don't resent my wife or my son at all. i just want to have a kid that actually shows affection and love towards me, not one that gives me the cold shoulder and silent treatment for absolutely no reason. aita for this reason for wanting another child? [/INST] yta. get a dog, man. and some therapy. </s>
|
WIBTA if I report my coworkers drug use to my boss after seeing him at an NA meeting?
|
my brother in law is staying with us right now and was conferencing into his usual na meeting from the living room (our only home computer is a wired desktop in the living room.)
we usually clear out to give him privacy, but in this case i forgot my phone somewhere in there and had to quickly go looking for it.
i happened to go in right in the middle of someone i recognized as my coworker sharing their struggle with drug abuse and strong concerns about a potential relapse.
we work in a job in which human lives are indirectly at stake and to be compromised at any point during work is unquestionably a risk. we have once yearly drug testing and once in a while we have random drug testing but it’s been years since i’ve been asked to do a random one.
i’ve been really broken up about whether i should say anything though, because of course, na is supposed to be private and confidential. and he hasn’t relapsed, he’s just concerned he might.
i’m so broken up over this but i can’t talk to many people about it without raising suspicion about who it might be which would be worse than just quietly reporting it to the appropriate person.
i don’t know what will happen if i report him. it might be more frequent random drug tests. maybe they’ll fire him. i don’t know. it’s a terrible time to lose your job, the guy is working a program, and hasn’t actually relapsed. we all have vices and problems.
but i also know i would never forgive myself if he were to relapse and screw up his work in a way that risks innocent people who trust us.
wibta if i report him?
| 4,168 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6mce2/wibta_if_i_report_my_coworkers_drug_use_to_my/
|
2020-04-23 13:09:38
|
yta - it's called narcotics anonymous for a reason. if you put this person's job in jeopardy for daring to seek support with his struggle, you'd be an undisputed asshole.
edit to add quote from op re what type of work they do:
>we do quality and maintenance checks on aviation equipment.
|
aita for infringing on my brother’s privacy and therefore learning private information about someone else that is meant to stay anonymous and then choosing to use that information to impact their professional life? yes, yta
|
ywbta
hes trying to get help, dont make it more difficult for someone trying to get better. that's super shitty dude
if you're really that concerned over it, maybe try to help him get better instead of doing the exact opposite. it sounds like your heart is in the right place, but this is the complete wrong way to go about it
|
yta x 10,000! are you kidding me? do you know what the "a" in na stands for? do you know what na even is? by your post the answer to both of these questions is "no." so let me enlighten you... the "a" stands for anonymous. anonymous means that people only know each others first names and that's about it. what happens in na stays in na including the anonymity of the people participating. the purpose of na is a place for recovering drug users to share their experiences and support each other in their recovery. what that means is that people in na aren't doing drugs (except for those who relapse of course). which means your coworker isn't doing drugs most likely and you would be reporting a personal private matter that's none of your business, not to mention the fact that you have nothing to report. what are you going to do, go into hr and say "hey, so-and-so goes to na"? cause that conversation would end with; "so what?". don't be an asshole.
|
yta. you're the entire colon, just for thinking about it. he loses his career he'll have nothing to stay sober for and it will be all your fault.
|
ywbta or yta or whatever. it’s anonymous and something that you weren’t supposed to hear. it’s none of your business and like you said, they haven’t actually relapsed/done anything. keep it to yourself and stay out of it.
|
ywbta - he’s actively seeking help here. don’t punish him for his past when he’s seemingly doing a lot better. sounds like he’s committed to staying clean.
if you did report him and he did get fired...don’t you think that trauma might cause him to relapse?
|
yta
that was confidential and you shouldn't have even heard it. plus everyone struggles with stuff. you're really thinking about reporting someone who hasn't even relapsed?
|
yta. hes getting help. you are a massive ass if you report him for a relapse that has not happened and might not even happen at all.
|
yta for even thinking about it.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother in law is staying with us right now and was conferencing into his usual na meeting from the living room (our only home computer is a wired desktop in the living room.) we usually clear out to give him privacy, but in this case i forgot my phone somewhere in there and had to quickly go looking for it. i happened to go in right in the middle of someone i recognized as my coworker sharing their struggle with drug abuse and strong concerns about a potential relapse. we work in a job in which human lives are indirectly at stake and to be compromised at any point during work is unquestionably a risk. we have once yearly drug testing and once in a while we have random drug testing but it’s been years since i’ve been asked to do a random one. i’ve been really broken up about whether i should say anything though, because of course, na is supposed to be private and confidential. and he hasn’t relapsed, he’s just concerned he might. i’m so broken up over this but i can’t talk to many people about it without raising suspicion about who it might be which would be worse than just quietly reporting it to the appropriate person. i don’t know what will happen if i report him. it might be more frequent random drug tests. maybe they’ll fire him. i don’t know. it’s a terrible time to lose your job, the guy is working a program, and hasn’t actually relapsed. we all have vices and problems. but i also know i would never forgive myself if he were to relapse and screw up his work in a way that risks innocent people who trust us. wibta if i report him?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother in law is staying with us right now and was conferencing into his usual na meeting from the living room (our only home computer is a wired desktop in the living room.) we usually clear out to give him privacy, but in this case i forgot my phone somewhere in there and had to quickly go looking for it. i happened to go in right in the middle of someone i recognized as my coworker sharing their struggle with drug abuse and strong concerns about a potential relapse. we work in a job in which human lives are indirectly at stake and to be compromised at any point during work is unquestionably a risk. we have once yearly drug testing and once in a while we have random drug testing but it’s been years since i’ve been asked to do a random one. i’ve been really broken up about whether i should say anything though, because of course, na is supposed to be private and confidential. and he hasn’t relapsed, he’s just concerned he might. i’m so broken up over this but i can’t talk to many people about it without raising suspicion about who it might be which would be worse than just quietly reporting it to the appropriate person. i don’t know what will happen if i report him. it might be more frequent random drug tests. maybe they’ll fire him. i don’t know. it’s a terrible time to lose your job, the guy is working a program, and hasn’t actually relapsed. we all have vices and problems. but i also know i would never forgive myself if he were to relapse and screw up his work in a way that risks innocent people who trust us. wibta if i report him? [/INST] yta - it's called narcotics anonymous for a reason. if you put this person's job in jeopardy for daring to seek support with his struggle, you'd be an undisputed asshole. edit to add quote from op re what type of work they do: >we do quality and maintenance checks on aviation equipment. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting coal for Christmas?
|
this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead.
i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well).
i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got.
at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them.
i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well.
i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
| 30,833 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzc58y/aita_for_not_wanting_coal_for_christmas/
|
2022-12-30 21:31:43
|
nta.
you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent.
just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation.
especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation.
|
nta
"it's a long standing tradition to haze and humiliate new potential family members". is this a family or a frat?
|
nta on the sheer idea that you skipped time with your family to be humiliated 18 times in a row. families that do this sort of shit are toxic. this is literal hazing but “ok because it’s family”.
|
nta. one box with coal in it would have been a fun gag. not eighteen and nothing else whatsoever, though. then it's just cruel.
|
nta - i’m so tired of seeing posts like this, where people willingly choose not to inform their partners, who they *love*, about family traditions like this. it breaks my heart.
they don’t get to be mean to you and then judge you for your reaction. you left your family, where you’d surely be treated with love and respect, to be with his family where they gave you the complete opposite.
i’m not one to tell people to breakup, but this is a giant marinara flag. idk how i could stay with someone who was willing to watch me cry and then excuse hurtful behavior in the name of family tradition. double since you’re engaged. this warrants a giant pause.
|
nta. and, you seem to have had the grace not to try out your new set of charcoal by drawing dan's parents a beautiful mural on their living room wall. that must have taken remarkable restraint.
laughing at another person's expense isn't funny, and i don't believe any newcomer found this experience fun, although some may have been too shy to say anything. sometimes being embarrassed and feeling awkward are good things--it's nature's way of telling you that you did something wrong. tell dan that he and his family should embrace and learn from those feelings.
you took the time to buy thoughtful gifts for his family. we've all had to buy gifts for relative strangers from time to time. dan's family has shown themselves to be oafs. whether they are redeemable oafs remains to be seen.
info: did dan give you a gift (i realize this is immaterial, but i did wonder).
|
#what the frick is wrong with all these families and their wildly inappropriate traditions for new family members?
yikes op
nta
|
nta. he should have told you before.
|
nta. their tradition is a hateful one, like a stupid test to see whether you're worthy of joining their family. you didn't embarrass them, they embarrassed themselves with their childish 'lump of coal har har har' garbage & they're just pissed off at you for not tolerating their rudeness. extra asshole points to your fiancé for not having the common courtesy to explain their stupid tradition before you went there, choosing instead to let you be upset & embarrassed over & over & over until you were literally in tears. good luck in your life together with *that* piece of work.
|
nta
why didn’t your fiancé warn you? does he get a weird sense of pleasure of pulling tasteless pranks on you in your relationship? your fiancé’s family has a twisted sense of humor. what on earth makes them think embarrassing a prospective family member/stranger is endearing? 18 freaking pieces of coal? that had better come with a fancy green egg grill and an omaha steaks subscription.
you didn’t embarrass your fiancé, he and his family embarrassed him. you have every right to be considered and respected, they did none of that. you were right to be offended. i hope you got to salvage your holiday and visited your family.
take all of this into sobering consideration, as their antics (what they call “traditions”) will be seen again in the future with other fiancés, and possibly children. it’s bad enough that you were on the receiving end of this asshattery, but do you really want to be a part of doling out this bs this by marriage?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this year i went to my fiancé’s house for christmas. it was my first time going, as we would typically go to my family’s house instead. i got a (rather pricey) gift for my fiancé “dan” related to his hobbies, i got nice gifts for “dan’s” parents based off of things i’d talked about with them before, and i got a small pack of chocolates for each of dan’s other relatives (i didn’t know them that well). i wasn’t expecting many gifts from dan’s relative’s because i didn’t know many of them that well, but i was certainly expecting more than i got. at first, i was excited when i saw that there was a big pile of gifts for me. however, once i opened the first one it was just a piece of coal. everyone laughed, and i just kind of laughed along thinking it was a gag gift and that the other gifts would be different. but every single one turned out to be coal. all 18 of them. i started to get upset, so i cried and lashed out at dan. but he calmly explained apparently this is a longstanding tradition in his family where they gift coal to newcomers who are celebrating christmas with them for the first time. he explained that it’s just easier that way since all the relatives who might not know the newcomer well don’t have to stress over finding a gift, and it’s a fun experience for the newcomer as well. i told dan i couldn’t believe i skipped my own family’s celebration for this and left. but now dan and some of his family are blowing up my phone saying i embarrassed him in front of his relatives and that i made it awkward for everyone. so aita? [/INST] nta. you skipped your family‘s christmas for this, and they shouldn’t have done this to you without a warning or your consent. just because they enjoy this tradition doesn’t mean it can‘t be hurtful to you, and they clearly ruined the occassion and then gave you a stupid explanation. especially your fiancé is inconsiderate in all of this, you deserve better! this was legit humiliation. </s>
|
AITA for making my daughter use dollar store shampoo and conditioner
|
my wife and i have 3 daughters. oldest is 16, middle is 14, and youngest is 10. my entire family and my wife’s family all has straight hair. my oldest and youngest also have straight hair. then there’s my middle with curly blonde hair and green eyes. the rest of the family has brown hair and brown eyes. i admittedly am not very close with her because i had doubts that she was mine and i had a hard time bonding with her due to that.
my middle daughter insists that she needs special shampoo and conditioner because of her curly hair. she found some that wasn’t too expensive so i bought it for her, but she goes through the conditioner like water. she came to me after a little over a month and said that she needed another bottle. i told her she doesn’t and that her conditioner should last her at least another month but probably longer but she insists that you need to use a lot of conditioner for curly hair. i bought her another bottle and told her to use less because she wasn’t getting another one for at least two months.
she used it again in a month so i bought her shampoo and conditioner from the dollar store. she had a meltdown about how this is going to ruin her hair and that she just got it to a place where she liked it and it was manageable (she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair). she even threatened to shave her head, which i know she won’t do because she’s obsessed with her hair.
now she’s refusing to speak to me and she’s being extremely disrespectful to me and my wife. my wife thinks we should give in but i think she needs to learn her lesson. aita?
| 5,911 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uu4wba/aita_for_making_my_daughter_use_dollar_store/
|
2022-05-20 18:49:48
|
yta. wow. yes, women with curly hair do need a different type of shampoo and conditioner. dollar store shampoo is likely going to damage her hair.
also, do you not understand how traits are passed on? was there a reason besides your daughter's physical features that you thought she wasn't yours, causing you to not properly bond with her? you suck, yta.
|
>i admittedly am not very close with her because i had doubts that she was mine and i had a hard time bonding with her due to that.
yta. fix that.
>she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair
she's right
> even though it’s not different than straight hair
yes it is.
|
yta
curly hair _is_ different from straight hair, and even the most basic of research will tell you this. and it is more difficult and more expensive to take care of.
|
[deleted]
|
yta. curly hair is not the same as straight hair! and you know this, you're just being vindictive.
if you feel she's not yours, then address this with your wife. don't take it out on an innocent child.
also, get some therapy.
|
yta. first of all, even if she wasn't yours, it's a dick move to blame a kid. second of all, you said you weren't poor and what she needs isn't so expensive, so what's the problem here? would it kill you to buy what your daughter needs? just wow. i wonder what other things the poor girl has to go through if you're making such a big deal out of fucking conditioner.
|
"...learn her lesson" about what? what "lesson" are you trying to teach here? the conditioner she needs to be able to manage her hair is expensive? or is it really just that you're a cheap-ass who treats his middle daughter like crap because she doesn't look like you?
if only there were somewhere you could learn about genetics and curly hair....
**yta**
&#x200b;
|
info: are you poor? is money really tight for you?
|
yta
>i admittedly am not very close with her because i had doubts that she was mine and i had a hard time bonding with her due to that.
go to therapy. you shouldn't be taking your issues out on a child.
>she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair
yes, it *is* different than straight hair. curly hair has more mass and surface area than straight hair of equal length. ergo, more and specific conditioner is necessary.
>i think she needs to learn her lesson.
what lesson? that you're prejudiced against her for being different? she already knows *that.* 🙄
|
yta
stop punishing her and treating her differently because you think she might not be yours.
do a dna test and maybe have some therapy.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have 3 daughters. oldest is 16, middle is 14, and youngest is 10. my entire family and my wife’s family all has straight hair. my oldest and youngest also have straight hair. then there’s my middle with curly blonde hair and green eyes. the rest of the family has brown hair and brown eyes. i admittedly am not very close with her because i had doubts that she was mine and i had a hard time bonding with her due to that. my middle daughter insists that she needs special shampoo and conditioner because of her curly hair. she found some that wasn’t too expensive so i bought it for her, but she goes through the conditioner like water. she came to me after a little over a month and said that she needed another bottle. i told her she doesn’t and that her conditioner should last her at least another month but probably longer but she insists that you need to use a lot of conditioner for curly hair. i bought her another bottle and told her to use less because she wasn’t getting another one for at least two months. she used it again in a month so i bought her shampoo and conditioner from the dollar store. she had a meltdown about how this is going to ruin her hair and that she just got it to a place where she liked it and it was manageable (she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair). she even threatened to shave her head, which i know she won’t do because she’s obsessed with her hair. now she’s refusing to speak to me and she’s being extremely disrespectful to me and my wife. my wife thinks we should give in but i think she needs to learn her lesson. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have 3 daughters. oldest is 16, middle is 14, and youngest is 10. my entire family and my wife’s family all has straight hair. my oldest and youngest also have straight hair. then there’s my middle with curly blonde hair and green eyes. the rest of the family has brown hair and brown eyes. i admittedly am not very close with her because i had doubts that she was mine and i had a hard time bonding with her due to that. my middle daughter insists that she needs special shampoo and conditioner because of her curly hair. she found some that wasn’t too expensive so i bought it for her, but she goes through the conditioner like water. she came to me after a little over a month and said that she needed another bottle. i told her she doesn’t and that her conditioner should last her at least another month but probably longer but she insists that you need to use a lot of conditioner for curly hair. i bought her another bottle and told her to use less because she wasn’t getting another one for at least two months. she used it again in a month so i bought her shampoo and conditioner from the dollar store. she had a meltdown about how this is going to ruin her hair and that she just got it to a place where she liked it and it was manageable (she blames us for her hair being uncontrollable for most of her life because we didn’t learn how to take care of curly hair, even though it’s not different than straight hair). she even threatened to shave her head, which i know she won’t do because she’s obsessed with her hair. now she’s refusing to speak to me and she’s being extremely disrespectful to me and my wife. my wife thinks we should give in but i think she needs to learn her lesson. aita? [/INST] yta. wow. yes, women with curly hair do need a different type of shampoo and conditioner. dollar store shampoo is likely going to damage her hair. also, do you not understand how traits are passed on? was there a reason besides your daughter's physical features that you thought she wasn't yours, causing you to not properly bond with her? you suck, yta. </s>
|
AITA for going to the parents of the girl my stepsister has been bullying?
|
the situation at hand: my stepsister (17f) has been bullying this girl in our grade, mia. mia is a very shy person. we were never friends but were friendly until the bullying started and then mia withdrew from everyone. i found out about the bullying over a month ago. people described it as "not real bullying" but my stepsister has called her names and told her she doesn't deserve friends. i found a note telling mia this. i was pissed. my stepsister and i never had a good relationship (always fighting) but i never figured she was an actual bully, just someone who got on my freaking nerves.
i ended up going to mia's parents with what i knew and the evidence of the bullying and now it has been brought up with the school and mia's parents want my stepsister expelled. my dad is pissed. he said it was so unbelievably petty and mean spirited to go to the girls parents over "sibling issues". i told my dad nothing between us would ever be sibling issues, because we're not siblings and my siblings (younger brother and sister) would never do that to another person.
my stepsister has been suspended right now but it looks like she'll be expelled thursday when the big meeting happens. my dad's wife is freaking out and so are my stepbrothers.
with the exception of my siblings everyone seems to think i'm wrong for doing what i did, for not at least talking to my stepsister first. i feel like going to mia's parents was the right call because of how serious bullying can be for the person being bullied and even calling someone names can cut a person really deep. but i never expected this kind of reaction. life at home is very awkward right now.
aita?
| 20,848 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nkv7iu/aita_for_going_to_the_parents_of_the_girl_my/
|
2021-05-25 17:28:41
|
nta. does your dad seriously think she’d listen to you? also your dad and his wife are focusing on the wrong issue-they need to be concerned with the fact that your stepsister is so big of a bully that she’ll get kicked out of school for it. bullying is a serious issue-that’s why your stepsister is facing expulsion for it and you did the right thing by telling mias parents about it.
|
nta-
your step sister bullying people is not acceptable and can cause real harm and clearly has caused real harm already. there are consequences for engaging in it, and your parents trying to sweep it under the rug isn't doing your step sister any favors and is likely endangering mia. family doesn't mean enabling family to harm people or excusing harm caused.
your step sister is in need of a wakeup call before this becomes a habit and mia doesn't need to be tormented on a daily basis.
you did the right thing.
|
nta. bullying should never be tolerated. you wasn't to know how mia's parents/the school would react, you just did the right thing.
it's your stepsister that thas done this to herself by being an ah. it's likely her behaviour would have come to light sooner or later. this is not on you.
karma.
|
nta because:
>i found out about the bullying over a month ago. people described it as "not real bullying" but my stepsister has called her names and told her she doesn't deserve friends.
what your sister did is real bullying. she needed to be stopped and to face the consequences. you are not responsible for doling out the punishments or deciding what they'll be -- that's on the school.
you did the right thing, in my opinion. you sound like you were raised correctly. had your sister been bullied in such a way, you'd expect your parents to do the same for her.
you didn't have to go to mia's parents but you did and she probably feels grateful that someone who didn't have to stick up for her did stand up for her. that's an amazing feeling when you're being bullied.
your stepsister will get over it. if not, then she'll learn the lesson another way in the future and you can say you tried.
|
nta
do you know how bad bullying has to be for faculty to take *any* action????? that fact that it was so bad your step sister might be *expelled* shows that there was *way* more going on than what you know. as someone who's been bullied, you probably should've talked to mia before dragging her parents in it. i'm sure she's mortified by all this right now, but i'm also sure that deep down she's grateful for it to be ending.
|
> for not at least talking to my stepsister first
what does anyone think that would've accomplished? you don't have a great relationship with her as it is, and telling her to stop bullying would, i'm quite sure, have been laughed at by her.
similarly, i'm left wondering - had you gone to your father, how likely do you think it is he'd have done anything (or tried - is your stepsister the sort to listen to him?), as opposed to being told not to rock the boat and create "sibling issues"?
as to possible expulsion - i doubt this is something the school do lightly, if it's being seriously considered, then your stepsister has clearly been being pretty intensely unpleasant.
ultimately - she has brought any punishment upon herself by her own actions. i don't doubt that it'll cause a lot of resentment between your stepmother and stepsister, and you, but... you did the right thing here.
nta.
|
nta - the fact he is more concerned with what you did than the fact his step-daughter is a bully is ridiculous
what your step/sister is doing is absolutely bullying and she deserves to be punished for it
|
nta. first of all, as someone who was bullied horribly as a child, thank you for your actions. i’m sure you are a hero to mia.
this is not “sibling” issues because what your stepsister was doing was harming mia, not you. what you did was to protect someone other than yourself. which means this was not something to be handled inside your family.
also, if your sister is facing being expelled, this is not something minor. this is no way “not real bullying.”
perhaps your dad and stepmother should put more effort in trying to raise a person who will treat people with respect as opposed to getting on your case for doing the right thing.
not all heroes wear capes.
|
nta- you did a good thing. just out of curiosity- would you have done the same thing if your one of your biological siblings was bullying someone?
|
nta. your stepsister brought this on herself and you’ve probably done more good than you can imagine standing up for mia. your dad and step mom need to learn how much they’ve had their head in the sand when it comes to your step sister. if this is how they are reacting, nothing would have come of it if you had said something to them or your step sister first.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the situation at hand: my stepsister (17f) has been bullying this girl in our grade, mia. mia is a very shy person. we were never friends but were friendly until the bullying started and then mia withdrew from everyone. i found out about the bullying over a month ago. people described it as "not real bullying" but my stepsister has called her names and told her she doesn't deserve friends. i found a note telling mia this. i was pissed. my stepsister and i never had a good relationship (always fighting) but i never figured she was an actual bully, just someone who got on my freaking nerves. i ended up going to mia's parents with what i knew and the evidence of the bullying and now it has been brought up with the school and mia's parents want my stepsister expelled. my dad is pissed. he said it was so unbelievably petty and mean spirited to go to the girls parents over "sibling issues". i told my dad nothing between us would ever be sibling issues, because we're not siblings and my siblings (younger brother and sister) would never do that to another person. my stepsister has been suspended right now but it looks like she'll be expelled thursday when the big meeting happens. my dad's wife is freaking out and so are my stepbrothers. with the exception of my siblings everyone seems to think i'm wrong for doing what i did, for not at least talking to my stepsister first. i feel like going to mia's parents was the right call because of how serious bullying can be for the person being bullied and even calling someone names can cut a person really deep. but i never expected this kind of reaction. life at home is very awkward right now. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the situation at hand: my stepsister (17f) has been bullying this girl in our grade, mia. mia is a very shy person. we were never friends but were friendly until the bullying started and then mia withdrew from everyone. i found out about the bullying over a month ago. people described it as "not real bullying" but my stepsister has called her names and told her she doesn't deserve friends. i found a note telling mia this. i was pissed. my stepsister and i never had a good relationship (always fighting) but i never figured she was an actual bully, just someone who got on my freaking nerves. i ended up going to mia's parents with what i knew and the evidence of the bullying and now it has been brought up with the school and mia's parents want my stepsister expelled. my dad is pissed. he said it was so unbelievably petty and mean spirited to go to the girls parents over "sibling issues". i told my dad nothing between us would ever be sibling issues, because we're not siblings and my siblings (younger brother and sister) would never do that to another person. my stepsister has been suspended right now but it looks like she'll be expelled thursday when the big meeting happens. my dad's wife is freaking out and so are my stepbrothers. with the exception of my siblings everyone seems to think i'm wrong for doing what i did, for not at least talking to my stepsister first. i feel like going to mia's parents was the right call because of how serious bullying can be for the person being bullied and even calling someone names can cut a person really deep. but i never expected this kind of reaction. life at home is very awkward right now. aita? [/INST] nta. does your dad seriously think she’d listen to you? also your dad and his wife are focusing on the wrong issue-they need to be concerned with the fact that your stepsister is so big of a bully that she’ll get kicked out of school for it. bullying is a serious issue-that’s why your stepsister is facing expulsion for it and you did the right thing by telling mias parents about it. </s>
|
AITA for not telling a bunch of random women I’m gay?
|
so i (23m, turning 24 soon) am gay. i’ve been out since i was 18 and i’ve never hidden it, but i don’t like actively mention it or broadcast it cos it’s literally nobody’s business. the first person i came out to was my dad (40) and he has always been supportive of me. he was 16 when i was born and practically raised me as a single dad so we have an exceptionally close relationship. anyway onto the story.
my dad recently turned 40, only earlier this month. he had a huge party and drank a bit too much and was severely hungover the following morning. he’s a freelance photographer and had accepted a contract with a local business and was meant to hand in some photography work he’d done to them the morning after his birthday. he was too hungover to do so, so he asked if i’d do it, he called their office to tell them he was sending his son with the work and i went in.
everything was fine and i ended up meeting a bunch of people he’s currently working with. they knew i was my dad’s son as he talks about me with them. i got some conversation with them to be nice and a few of the younger women started i guess flirting with me? a few of them called me attractive and stuff like that and i kinda just stood there awkwardly. it was just wild that straight women were hitting on me. i didn’t encourage it or anything but i didn’t say anything as i was too embarrassed and i eventually said i had to run and off i went.
my dad went in the day after and he was questioned about if i was single. he said no, i wasn’t and that i had a boyfriend and that was all he said. well, turns out these women then started blatantly calling me for an ah as i apparently let them embarrass themselves by openly hitting on me when there was no chance i’d ever be interested. my dad did fight my corner and said that i was literally there to just drop off his work and that i had no obligation to disclose i was gay.
i’m thankful my dad’s on my side but these women calling me an ah kinda makes me feel bad for not saying anything.
aita?
| 21,417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fplopc/aita_for_not_telling_a_bunch_of_random_women_im/
|
2020-03-26 23:01:37
|
nta. it's none of their business, really. if they are embarrassed that they hit on a stranger, maybe they shouldn't hit on strangers.
|
nta. your sexuality is nobody else’s business unless you choose to share the information. they made themselves feel foolish.
|
nta - also, kind of hard to seamlessly work in the fact that you’re gay when doing so would require calling them out on their flirting, which they might end up denying and making you look like an asshole
|
rofl nta
|
nta. your dads right, you have no obligation to tell anyone you’re gay. you just did your dad a favour and that’s literally it.
|
nta.
>i apparently let them embarrass themselves
they did that all on their own. it's not your responsibility to babysit a bunch of strangers you might never see again.
if you want to diffuse the situation a bit, you could always say something like "don't be embarrassed. i took the flirting as a compliment, even if i'm not interested."
|
[removed]
|
nta and its an inappropriate behavior. sad to say, if you were female and they were men, everyone would be hollering about how inappropriately was. sorry you went through that, and is none of their business what your orientation is.
|
wow you guys aren't even trying to make these posts sound real anymore
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (23m, turning 24 soon) am gay. i’ve been out since i was 18 and i’ve never hidden it, but i don’t like actively mention it or broadcast it cos it’s literally nobody’s business. the first person i came out to was my dad (40) and he has always been supportive of me. he was 16 when i was born and practically raised me as a single dad so we have an exceptionally close relationship. anyway onto the story. my dad recently turned 40, only earlier this month. he had a huge party and drank a bit too much and was severely hungover the following morning. he’s a freelance photographer and had accepted a contract with a local business and was meant to hand in some photography work he’d done to them the morning after his birthday. he was too hungover to do so, so he asked if i’d do it, he called their office to tell them he was sending his son with the work and i went in. everything was fine and i ended up meeting a bunch of people he’s currently working with. they knew i was my dad’s son as he talks about me with them. i got some conversation with them to be nice and a few of the younger women started i guess flirting with me? a few of them called me attractive and stuff like that and i kinda just stood there awkwardly. it was just wild that straight women were hitting on me. i didn’t encourage it or anything but i didn’t say anything as i was too embarrassed and i eventually said i had to run and off i went. my dad went in the day after and he was questioned about if i was single. he said no, i wasn’t and that i had a boyfriend and that was all he said. well, turns out these women then started blatantly calling me for an ah as i apparently let them embarrass themselves by openly hitting on me when there was no chance i’d ever be interested. my dad did fight my corner and said that i was literally there to just drop off his work and that i had no obligation to disclose i was gay. i’m thankful my dad’s on my side but these women calling me an ah kinda makes me feel bad for not saying anything. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (23m, turning 24 soon) am gay. i’ve been out since i was 18 and i’ve never hidden it, but i don’t like actively mention it or broadcast it cos it’s literally nobody’s business. the first person i came out to was my dad (40) and he has always been supportive of me. he was 16 when i was born and practically raised me as a single dad so we have an exceptionally close relationship. anyway onto the story. my dad recently turned 40, only earlier this month. he had a huge party and drank a bit too much and was severely hungover the following morning. he’s a freelance photographer and had accepted a contract with a local business and was meant to hand in some photography work he’d done to them the morning after his birthday. he was too hungover to do so, so he asked if i’d do it, he called their office to tell them he was sending his son with the work and i went in. everything was fine and i ended up meeting a bunch of people he’s currently working with. they knew i was my dad’s son as he talks about me with them. i got some conversation with them to be nice and a few of the younger women started i guess flirting with me? a few of them called me attractive and stuff like that and i kinda just stood there awkwardly. it was just wild that straight women were hitting on me. i didn’t encourage it or anything but i didn’t say anything as i was too embarrassed and i eventually said i had to run and off i went. my dad went in the day after and he was questioned about if i was single. he said no, i wasn’t and that i had a boyfriend and that was all he said. well, turns out these women then started blatantly calling me for an ah as i apparently let them embarrass themselves by openly hitting on me when there was no chance i’d ever be interested. my dad did fight my corner and said that i was literally there to just drop off his work and that i had no obligation to disclose i was gay. i’m thankful my dad’s on my side but these women calling me an ah kinda makes me feel bad for not saying anything. aita? [/INST] nta. it's none of their business, really. if they are embarrassed that they hit on a stranger, maybe they shouldn't hit on strangers. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to compromise on custody after my daughters father lied about what they were doing?
|
i(32f) co parent my 13 year old, lily, with her father. we are generally flexible with days and neither of us have a problem with the other.
a few weeks ago he texted me “could i pick up lily friday september x instead of y and drop her off a instead of b.” when i asked him why he said his brother in law passed away and his funeral was saturday and he wanted to leave friday. it was in a city several hours away.
i agreed to this, i wasn’t happy with her missing school but i compromised.
a few days ago a friend of mine sent me pictures from his social media of him with lily at a ball game from that friday in the city where his bil’s funeral was. he never told me anything about that.
i texted him and asked what was up with that and why he had lied and he said that he hadn’t lied, it’d been a “lucky coincidence” “their” favorite team was playing in that city and he figured they might as well go to a game to see some of her favorite players. i asked if she had homework she should be doing and he said she had “plenty of other time” to do it and this was “important to him”. i am very big on the importance of lily doing well in school so this was upsetting to me that he put a child’s game and something he wanted to do over her schoolwork. i don’t even think she likes the team for any reason other than to connect with her father and i think this was mostly for him because i see all the “nostalgia” stuff he posts on social media about the team.
i told him he shouldn’t have left that out of the plan he gave me and that i wasn’t changing custody anymore for his mothers birthday, and that he could pick her up and then drop her off a few hours later but she wasn’t staying overnight and i wanted those hours back later .
now he’s incredibly upset at me and called me an asshole for “overreacting”. i just want lily to understand an education is important and to be prioritized and be surrounded by people that understand that.
aita?
| 7,336 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgv7n6/aita_for_refusing_to_compromise_on_custody_after/
|
2022-09-17 19:23:19
|
yta if there was actually a funeral they went to. maybe he thought with how depressing the funeral was it would be good to try and do something to lighten her spirits. does he have to tell you every single little thing they do together? do you ask permission before every little thing you do with your daughter? you are overreacting. are you both not equal parents? why are you making unilateral decisions and attempting to punish him?
|
yta
“i don’t think she likes the team except as a way to connect to her father”
doesn’t that make you understand how important this is? her relationship with her dad will set the tone for every other male relationship. it’s important that it exists.
your being inflexible in future will only make your daughters and likely your life worse. you add overreacting.
|
yta. i took my kids to my fils funeral and we also did fun stuff in his city too because funerals are hard and i wanted them to have some happy memories from the trip as well. you sound petty. this isn't a normal thing he does all the time right? ffs, his brother in law died... you are overreacting.... you didn't ask for a full run down of everything they were doing. you should prob apologize and quit acting like a crazy person.
|
yta he has to lie to you, you don't want him to have any together time with your child. and that's exactly what she's learning, that you had a child with someone you don't trust to raise her with you, and that you're obsessed with controlling their relationship. is this your court order, that you control every second her father spends with her?
you don't teach a child that education is important by forbidding her to spend time doing enjoyable activities with people you dislike.
|
yta.
he didn't lie. he picked up the child and they went to a funeral the next day. this is no different from them catching a movie and grabbing dinner instead of sitting in a hotel room or wherever they stayed on friday evening. this meant they didn't have to rush to make a several hour drive or drive during rush hour or at night for several hours.
do you specifically give him details every time you take your daughter to a movie, the store, for a milkshake etc? because that is what you are asking of him.
|
yta. hardcore here.
i'm pretty sure that a funeral wasn't scheduled around a baseball game.
what were you doing the first friday in september back when you were a freshman in highschool? what was taught in class? oh wait. you don't remember? but education is important /s
your daughter will remember being able to spend time with her father after a traumatic time for him. apparently, all they were allowed to do was spend time in a funeral home or graveyard. instead of trying to spend time together on something they clearly bond with to ease at least one of their feelings.
based on your post, this doesn't seem to be habitual or repeated behavior. but on a traumatic weekend, they also did something fun, that didn't require him be in the car back and forth for hours. heaven forbid your daughter miss one day of class for that.
heaven forbid you have one bit of compassion.
|
yta. he lied? you lied…to us, right here:
> we are generally flexible with days and neither of us have a problem with the other.
but it has to be your way, right? if it’s not, you blow a gasket…
it was a saturday funeral, several hours away. seems natural and normal to get to that city the day before. sorry, but i bet he actually even fed her on friday.
you seriously asked him for the three hours of a ballgame (her favorite team and a bonding event with her dad during a family death), why she wasn’t doing homework instead?!?
but here’s where you really scream asshole……the fact that you are punishing him for this (and her) by being a future hard ass on his mothers upcoming birthday and stop watching her time at it just screams control issues.
|
info:
was there actually a funeral?
|
yta i don’t understand in your daughter and ex not allowed to do a single activity unless it’s run by you? he made the best of his time with his daughter while they were away for a funeral.
|
yta. i understand you are upset and feel lied to. i further understand the importance of education.
you are overreacting. a 13-year-old missing a day of school is not going to compromise her education. it isn’t even going to compromise her attitude about education. but punishing her for going to a baseball game while out of town for a family funeral because she had homework, could.
because however you frame it not allowing your daughter to see her grandmother on her birthday, or attend other events with her father‘s family because it’s your custody time is punishing your daughter.
and it makes you look petty and spiteful. because it is petty in spiteful
the hard-line stance you are planning on adopting is more likely to harm your daughters education.
you can force her to go to school. you might even be able to force her to maintain a certain grade point average. but you cannot force her to value education. you cannot force her to further her education after high school. also if she is coming to an age where, should your ex husband want to go to court to revisit custody arrangements, which parent she lives with will be given far more weight.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(32f) co parent my 13 year old, lily, with her father. we are generally flexible with days and neither of us have a problem with the other. a few weeks ago he texted me “could i pick up lily friday september x instead of y and drop her off a instead of b.” when i asked him why he said his brother in law passed away and his funeral was saturday and he wanted to leave friday. it was in a city several hours away. i agreed to this, i wasn’t happy with her missing school but i compromised. a few days ago a friend of mine sent me pictures from his social media of him with lily at a ball game from that friday in the city where his bil’s funeral was. he never told me anything about that. i texted him and asked what was up with that and why he had lied and he said that he hadn’t lied, it’d been a “lucky coincidence” “their” favorite team was playing in that city and he figured they might as well go to a game to see some of her favorite players. i asked if she had homework she should be doing and he said she had “plenty of other time” to do it and this was “important to him”. i am very big on the importance of lily doing well in school so this was upsetting to me that he put a child’s game and something he wanted to do over her schoolwork. i don’t even think she likes the team for any reason other than to connect with her father and i think this was mostly for him because i see all the “nostalgia” stuff he posts on social media about the team. i told him he shouldn’t have left that out of the plan he gave me and that i wasn’t changing custody anymore for his mothers birthday, and that he could pick her up and then drop her off a few hours later but she wasn’t staying overnight and i wanted those hours back later . now he’s incredibly upset at me and called me an asshole for “overreacting”. i just want lily to understand an education is important and to be prioritized and be surrounded by people that understand that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(32f) co parent my 13 year old, lily, with her father. we are generally flexible with days and neither of us have a problem with the other. a few weeks ago he texted me “could i pick up lily friday september x instead of y and drop her off a instead of b.” when i asked him why he said his brother in law passed away and his funeral was saturday and he wanted to leave friday. it was in a city several hours away. i agreed to this, i wasn’t happy with her missing school but i compromised. a few days ago a friend of mine sent me pictures from his social media of him with lily at a ball game from that friday in the city where his bil’s funeral was. he never told me anything about that. i texted him and asked what was up with that and why he had lied and he said that he hadn’t lied, it’d been a “lucky coincidence” “their” favorite team was playing in that city and he figured they might as well go to a game to see some of her favorite players. i asked if she had homework she should be doing and he said she had “plenty of other time” to do it and this was “important to him”. i am very big on the importance of lily doing well in school so this was upsetting to me that he put a child’s game and something he wanted to do over her schoolwork. i don’t even think she likes the team for any reason other than to connect with her father and i think this was mostly for him because i see all the “nostalgia” stuff he posts on social media about the team. i told him he shouldn’t have left that out of the plan he gave me and that i wasn’t changing custody anymore for his mothers birthday, and that he could pick her up and then drop her off a few hours later but she wasn’t staying overnight and i wanted those hours back later . now he’s incredibly upset at me and called me an asshole for “overreacting”. i just want lily to understand an education is important and to be prioritized and be surrounded by people that understand that. aita? [/INST] yta if there was actually a funeral they went to. maybe he thought with how depressing the funeral was it would be good to try and do something to lighten her spirits. does he have to tell you every single little thing they do together? do you ask permission before every little thing you do with your daughter? you are overreacting. are you both not equal parents? why are you making unilateral decisions and attempting to punish him? </s>
|
AITA for not paying for the meal?
|
on a road trip last week, my girlfriend and i stopped at a rural diner for brunch. we sat down and a waitress opened our menus before she put them on the table (that detail is important later). it was a very nice meal honestly. our total was around $25. i was ready to pay with my debit card.
the waitress then told us that this was a cash only establishment. unfortunately i had zero cash on me. "how were we supposed to know?" i asked. she shows us some tiny text on the front of the menu. because of the way she'd put our menus down and taken them away, we had not seen the front. there was literally no indication of their cash-only business other than that.
she sighs and points to an atm on the other side of the dining room. at this point i'm still apologetic so i went there with my card. i noticed it had a fee of, i shit you not, $9. i asked to speak to the manager. she brought the owner.
i told the owner this is ridiculous. i suggested he let me go get cash from somewhere legit, or take $9 off the bill if he really wanted me to use that atm. nope. he threatened to call the police. i said go ahead. my girlfriend felt the same way. long story short, the cops agreed with me, and we left without paying anything.
i told my sister about this today. she thinks the cops were wrong and i was being an asshole. because "you wasted everyone's time over 9 fucking dollars." i think the owner is the asshole. the only part i regret was not being able to tip the waitress.
aita?
| 18,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bf892b/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_meal/
|
2019-04-20 04:02:37
|
nta man, a $9 atm fee is extortionate. the owner had it coming.
|
nta, sounds like a well-planned scam on their part.
|
nta. that place is getting rich off tourists' $9 fees. they obviously need to make it much clearer that they only take cash. like, before you even come in. better yet, start taking cards. it's 2019. definitely nta.
|
nta, and the cops agreed. also good for you for not backing down. so much passive aggressive bullshit on this sub, nice to see someone standing up for themselves.
|
nta - i work in a tourist industry with atms everywhere, the nearest bank is a 15 minute drive into town. the most i have ever seen them raised to is $5.
just wanted to suggest you put a review on google to warn other tourists beforehand.
|
nta, seems like an obvious scam from the way the waitress opened the menus, it not being printed anywhere else, and the way he acted. based on his the waitress acted i bet this happens a lot and she was fully prepared for what happened. i also bet money that the owner instructed her to place the menus that way for all customers. shitty.
|
nta, that is insane and if the cops agreed with you you’re fine. honestly it really pisses me off when places are cash only, it’s fucking 2019, but if you’re going to do that you need to have a free atm. and you can’t be dicks about it, if you’re living in the stone age, guess what survival of the fittest - no one in their right mind is going to pay a $9 atm fee when it was absolutely not made clear that they were expected to have cash.
|
something i didn’t see mentioned (although admittedly i did not read 100% of comments) is regarding your desire to tip your server. i worked in service industry for forever, and we really appreciate people like you that can separate bad service from bad business. however in this case, don’t feel bad in the slightest about not tipping. her putting the menus down open and removing them from the table without you seeing the front is her being complicit in this scam. that is a strange thing to do when seating someone, so i would strongly suspect she had to have been told to do that. i think it is safe to say she knew what was going on
|
it's a scam.
i once went to a restaurant that charged for tap water. apparently it was printed in tiny font on the front of the menu, waitress did the same thing. we ordered the water mid way through the meal, so didnt have the menu in front of us, and the waitress didnt tell us at the time.
when paying i had to go to the front counter and the guy just read the final amount off his screen. he only reluctantly offered to print the receipt after i already paid and my partner got suspicious. he charged us 6 bucks for tap water
|
nta. whether it was over a $9 fee or a $90 fee, the principle of the matter is that if you're going to charge your customer $25, you should
1. make sure that *cash only* font much larger.
2. not have 1 atm that has a fee of literally 36% the cost of your bill.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on a road trip last week, my girlfriend and i stopped at a rural diner for brunch. we sat down and a waitress opened our menus before she put them on the table (that detail is important later). it was a very nice meal honestly. our total was around $25. i was ready to pay with my debit card. the waitress then told us that this was a cash only establishment. unfortunately i had zero cash on me. "how were we supposed to know?" i asked. she shows us some tiny text on the front of the menu. because of the way she'd put our menus down and taken them away, we had not seen the front. there was literally no indication of their cash-only business other than that. she sighs and points to an atm on the other side of the dining room. at this point i'm still apologetic so i went there with my card. i noticed it had a fee of, i shit you not, $9. i asked to speak to the manager. she brought the owner. i told the owner this is ridiculous. i suggested he let me go get cash from somewhere legit, or take $9 off the bill if he really wanted me to use that atm. nope. he threatened to call the police. i said go ahead. my girlfriend felt the same way. long story short, the cops agreed with me, and we left without paying anything. i told my sister about this today. she thinks the cops were wrong and i was being an asshole. because "you wasted everyone's time over 9 fucking dollars." i think the owner is the asshole. the only part i regret was not being able to tip the waitress. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on a road trip last week, my girlfriend and i stopped at a rural diner for brunch. we sat down and a waitress opened our menus before she put them on the table (that detail is important later). it was a very nice meal honestly. our total was around $25. i was ready to pay with my debit card. the waitress then told us that this was a cash only establishment. unfortunately i had zero cash on me. "how were we supposed to know?" i asked. she shows us some tiny text on the front of the menu. because of the way she'd put our menus down and taken them away, we had not seen the front. there was literally no indication of their cash-only business other than that. she sighs and points to an atm on the other side of the dining room. at this point i'm still apologetic so i went there with my card. i noticed it had a fee of, i shit you not, $9. i asked to speak to the manager. she brought the owner. i told the owner this is ridiculous. i suggested he let me go get cash from somewhere legit, or take $9 off the bill if he really wanted me to use that atm. nope. he threatened to call the police. i said go ahead. my girlfriend felt the same way. long story short, the cops agreed with me, and we left without paying anything. i told my sister about this today. she thinks the cops were wrong and i was being an asshole. because "you wasted everyone's time over 9 fucking dollars." i think the owner is the asshole. the only part i regret was not being able to tip the waitress. aita? [/INST] nta man, a $9 atm fee is extortionate. the owner had it coming. </s>
|
AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?
|
i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are:
james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.
danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too.
so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.
so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.
so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine.
so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired."
i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.
the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"
of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.
anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.
aita for this joke?
| 60,634 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e5k3z2/aita_for_pretending_to_get_fired_when_customers/
|
2019-12-03 17:07:53
|
nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.
|
nta. i think it’s hilarious and maybe it’ll teach some people a lesson about controlling their assholery.
|
you’re not an asshole at all. you’re the hero retailers need! brilliant.
|
nta - customers can be fucking dicks. usually people are pretty respectful and reasonable, even when they have a legit complaint... but every now and then there's the one guy or gal that comes in and just can't be made happy. they're the worst.
i've taken the approach of "killing with kindness" and being sarcastically polite... "oh, ok sir. i can microwave your coffee for you, would you like 2 minutes or 5?" it's fun, usually pisses them off more but they can't do anything because you're not saying anything wrong.
i'm curious how the customer acts when they come in the next day / following week and you're still behind the counter?
|
nta- fun fact harrods actually hires people for this. if a customer is upset in the store, the manager will call back the “offender” and fire them in front of the customer to satiate them. then, the guy who’s job it is to be fired just goes back to the back room and waits for another customer to get angry so he can be fired again. i think it’s even better that you’re using it to make people think twice about being a-holes in the store
|
this kind of reminds me of a video on youtube where a kid (teen) goes to a barber for a haircut and i can't remember what the prank was but his intention was to prank the barber with some kind of shock reaction prank.
well, someone had told the barber about what the kid had planned so the barber had his own prank planned.
when the kid did his prank, the barber faked a heart attack and "died" right there on the barber shop floor. it was hilarious.
i know this isn't the same thing as op post but for some reason it made me remember it.
|
esh
the customers are obviously assholes for being assholes for no good reason.
yes, you are a little bit of an asshole. is it justified? absolutely. are you still an asshole? yes. unfortunately, in a customer service role, you are always going to have to deal with people who are angry over absolutely nothing. it is part of the job. is it fair? no. in a perfect world, those customers would not exist, but we live in reality and that is part of the reality especially of that job.
|
nta. [some places have mirrors placed behind the counter because it has proven that people behave better when they can see what they look like when they act out.](http://disclosive.com/list/why-big-mirrors-are-installed-in-bars-behind-the-counters) some people seriously need a wake up call when they start misbehaving.
|
is this a good idea? i know if i see a manager or lead fire an employee in public i would think less of the business and management. and likely get my. coffee elsewhere. you may be indirectly costing the business by doing so. may not be a big deal to you, but to the owners of a small business it can do harm.
|
nta. that's hilarious, and puts shitty customers in their place.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.024102 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. my coworkers who work weekends are: james - the owners son, he goes to my school. he's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy. danielle - a college student who sometimes works weekends too. so sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. like literally blow up about nothing. i dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids. so james and i were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs. so one day i was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... which i couldn't do a thing about because i gave it to him right out of the machine. so james came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. so he was just like "op, this is unacceptable, you're fired." i started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, i need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave. the angry guy started to backtrack, like "it isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. i didn't mean it" and james was like "no, we pride ourselves on the best customer service" of course after all that drama i still had my job, we were just acting. and we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at danielle or i, james will storm in and "fire" us. and almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. it's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences. anyway, i was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired. aita for this joke? [/INST] nta that's a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers. </s>
|
AITA For not allowing my daughter [15F] to buy my son [13M] a laptop with "her" money?
|
many months ago, i promised my son that i am going to buy him a laptop because he wanted one really badly. however, after seeing his terrible school marks i decided that the laptop will cause nothing but distraction so i ended up not keeping my promise. my son was devastated obviously but he moved on after some weeks.
&#x200b;
everything was great until yesterday my daughter decided to bring up the discussion about the laptop again. she told my son that she saved enough money for it and is planning to buy him one today. i was surprised that my daughter managed to save up this much but also mad because i made it clear that he isn't allowed with a laptop. i told her she is not allowed to buy one but then she told me that she's doing it with "her" money. let me be clear, that money is in no way hers. the cash she has was given from me or my husband whenever she wanted to go out (and i guess she saved most of it) and money she got from her relatives during her birthday. things escalated quickly and i ended up having to make my daughter give me back the money i and her dad gave her (she could keep the other part).
&#x200b;
my husband is upset and doesn't agree with what i did and i'll admit i overreacted by asking her to give me my money back (i'll consider giving it back to her in a few days) but i still made it clear that my son isn't allowed to have a laptop yet. aita here?
| 4,567 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7r5lk/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_15f_to_buy_my/
|
2020-08-11 12:45:58
|
yta.
that was her money. key word being "gave". you gave it to her. it's hers. she wanted to do something nice for her brother and in return you took her money. yta so incredibly much.
if i were her, i'd hide anything i valued because you just proved that anything she thinks she owns can be taken away at your whim. i wish i had a sibling that would ever be willing to buy me a laptop with their savings. i guarantee this kid will never view you the same way again.
|
yta in every single aspect of this story. you’re an asshole for making a promise to your son and going back on it. so now he knows your promises are meaningless. you’re an asshole for taking your daughters money. you’ve now proven you’ll take her things with an executive decree and that she and her wishes have no agency. giving it back is a start, but quite frankly the damage is done. you’re an assh9le for making sweeping punishments without making sure your partner is on board. so in a single series of judgements you’ve managed to deeply wound your relationship with both children (trust me when i tell you that both of these things: not giving a major gift that was promised—i can guarantee the lesson your son took from this was not “i need to do better in school” but was “my mother is a liar who can’t be depended upon” and taking your daughters money and keeping her from doing something nice for her brother (and if a teenager is willing to sacrifice that much money and discipline to help their sibling, she obviously thinks your son really needs that laptop)—- both of these things are the sort of “small” issues that drive huge cracks into your relationship with your children. you may not realize it, but they don’t just “get over it.” what they do is just write you off as a parent and no longer factor you into their lives as anything other than the enemy.
|
yta for taking your daughters money.
a better solution would have been to say well it's your money, so you can buy a laptop and you are a very sweet girl for wanting to help your brother.
but if you do, as his parents we will have to say that he still won't be allowed to use it until he can show us he is responsible and works hard to bring up his grades.
|
[removed]
|
yta
wtf is wrong with you, stealing from your own kid? how did she turn out so nice?
|
yta. its her money. she got it from various sources but once it was in her posession, it was her money.
you'd be peeved too if your employer decided to take back some of the money they gave you.
|
[removed]
|
yta - not because you're saying no to her buying it, but because you're saying it's your money. it's not. when you give someone something, it becomes theirs. you should be proud she knows how to save *her* money.
what you should have said was that as his mother, you're saying that he can't have a laptop no matter who buys it. you went in a really wrong direction with it.
|
yta- the money is hers, you gave it to her. once you give someone money it's theirs. when your boss gives you your paycheck is it not yours?
you're allowed to say that you're son can't have a computer and advise her to not buy him a laptop, but you're an asshole for taking her money.
|
yta
it *is* her money. period.
it's true that you're the parent and you're allowed to draw boundaries in terms of what your son doesn't get because of his bad grades. but saying that it's not your daughter's money and taking it away from her makes you the ah in this situation. all your daughter wanted was to do something nice for her brother. instead of explaining the situation you take her money away?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: many months ago, i promised my son that i am going to buy him a laptop because he wanted one really badly. however, after seeing his terrible school marks i decided that the laptop will cause nothing but distraction so i ended up not keeping my promise. my son was devastated obviously but he moved on after some weeks. &#x200b; everything was great until yesterday my daughter decided to bring up the discussion about the laptop again. she told my son that she saved enough money for it and is planning to buy him one today. i was surprised that my daughter managed to save up this much but also mad because i made it clear that he isn't allowed with a laptop. i told her she is not allowed to buy one but then she told me that she's doing it with "her" money. let me be clear, that money is in no way hers. the cash she has was given from me or my husband whenever she wanted to go out (and i guess she saved most of it) and money she got from her relatives during her birthday. things escalated quickly and i ended up having to make my daughter give me back the money i and her dad gave her (she could keep the other part). &#x200b; my husband is upset and doesn't agree with what i did and i'll admit i overreacted by asking her to give me my money back (i'll consider giving it back to her in a few days) but i still made it clear that my son isn't allowed to have a laptop yet. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
many months ago, i promised my son that i am going to buy him a laptop because he wanted one really badly. however, after seeing his terrible school marks i decided that the laptop will cause nothing but distraction so i ended up not keeping my promise. my son was devastated obviously but he moved on after some weeks. &#x200b; everything was great until yesterday my daughter decided to bring up the discussion about the laptop again. she told my son that she saved enough money for it and is planning to buy him one today. i was surprised that my daughter managed to save up this much but also mad because i made it clear that he isn't allowed with a laptop. i told her she is not allowed to buy one but then she told me that she's doing it with "her" money. let me be clear, that money is in no way hers. the cash she has was given from me or my husband whenever she wanted to go out (and i guess she saved most of it) and money she got from her relatives during her birthday. things escalated quickly and i ended up having to make my daughter give me back the money i and her dad gave her (she could keep the other part). &#x200b; my husband is upset and doesn't agree with what i did and i'll admit i overreacted by asking her to give me my money back (i'll consider giving it back to her in a few days) but i still made it clear that my son isn't allowed to have a laptop yet. aita here? [/INST] yta. that was her money. key word being "gave". you gave it to her. it's hers. she wanted to do something nice for her brother and in return you took her money. yta so incredibly much. if i were her, i'd hide anything i valued because you just proved that anything she thinks she owns can be taken away at your whim. i wish i had a sibling that would ever be willing to buy me a laptop with their savings. i guarantee this kid will never view you the same way again. </s>
|
AITA for not allowing my husband to be the entire neighborhood's husband?
|
i have a weird situation. it's become very clear that my husband is the only man on our street. the rest of the houses are entirely women. there's a few single mother houses, 2 houses of all female roommates, one single woman, and even a lesbian couple.
i normally wouldn't care or even take note of this, but since march, it's like we're getting constant calls and texts. the number we gave when we moved in two years ago (just renewed last january) was my number. i am flooded with requests for basic handyman stuff like changing light bulbs, car problems, and dealing with toilets.
he has helped people around the neighborhood before because he is a nice guy and we are from a culture that assumes that men need to "help out" women if they can, even if they're not related. but with me being furloughed, he's the only one working and is less interested in extra stuff, but the tasks do only take about 5-20 minutes on average, which i know because my husband makes me go with him because they make him uncomfortable.
even more gross than that is that these women are obsessed with him on a personal level. they openly flirt with him and literally offer themselves up if he's "ever tired of [me]" or "wants something different". i have even gotten pictures of boobs from neighbors!
while i love my husband and am attracted to him, he's not like a male model or anything so i really don't understand why these women are fawning over him like this. one of the single moms has even asked him to come over and discipline one of her children, which is an absolute nope.
he's not comfortable with any of this and has asked me to intervene. i've tried talking to these women more casually to no avail. i set up a zoom for just us ladies to try to get us on the same page. they told me that since it's now impossible for any of them to find anyone anymore (2020), i needed to share my husband and be less selfish in regards to household maintenance requests. it's "not even safe" to call for maintenance and i shouldn't ask them to when there's a "safe alternative" where they don't have to risk exposure. they also said that it was just "harmless flirting" because they're all "frustrated* and can't date" and that i wouldn't even be threatened by it if i was "giving him kids".
i've talked to my own family about this and while they say that the women should be less forward, i should be more understanding about how hard it is for a woman to be alone because my own mother was alone. aita for not just dealing with it?
*i'm substituting frustrated for the word that was actually used to make this slightly more family friendly.
| 21,481 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ipd06m/aita_for_not_allowing_my_husband_to_be_the_entire/
|
2020-09-09 09:54:35
|
nta. these grown women should learn how to complete basic home maintenance themselves. start sending you tube videos to them instead of your husband.
|
[deleted]
|
[removed]
|
nta. you both need to start telling them "no." you don't need to get them to agree that they're out of line, you just have to say "sorry, can't help."
or, if you don't feel comfortable doing that, could *you* show up to help? none of things they need help with requires a penis to do.
|
nta at all. he's not comfortable, you're not comfortable, they're too comfortable. either they stop doing all this or you can stop giving them visits. you can pay them the favour by flirting with their guys (if they can get any with this attitude)
|
nta. they should get their own husband's.
|
nta for the prompt but
yta for saying this shit
> while i love my husband and am attracted to him, he's not like a male model or anything so i really don't understand why these women are fawning over him like this.
how’d you feel if you husband said you’re attractive but not that attractive
|
nta - if they aren't able to maintain their homes, they should move to an apartment with an on-site handyman.
neither you nor your husband are comfortable with their requests, and you are a more agreeable woman than i am for putting up with the disrespectful violations of flirting and sending nudes to what they thought was your husband's phone.
i get trying to be a good neighbor and all, but they are walking all over you both and completely disrespecting your marriage with their "jokes." those aren't jokes coming from the one(s) who sent nudes.
|
nta and good for you sticking up for your husband since it makes him uncomfortable. i would draw a firmer line saying that he is too busy. also i would find a local handyman and share that number with all of them and anytime you get a text for work. "sorry he is busy but this guy can help *add number "
|
ugh another post better suited to offmychest, no one thinks your an asshole, go post somewhere else if your just ranting
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a weird situation. it's become very clear that my husband is the only man on our street. the rest of the houses are entirely women. there's a few single mother houses, 2 houses of all female roommates, one single woman, and even a lesbian couple. i normally wouldn't care or even take note of this, but since march, it's like we're getting constant calls and texts. the number we gave when we moved in two years ago (just renewed last january) was my number. i am flooded with requests for basic handyman stuff like changing light bulbs, car problems, and dealing with toilets. he has helped people around the neighborhood before because he is a nice guy and we are from a culture that assumes that men need to "help out" women if they can, even if they're not related. but with me being furloughed, he's the only one working and is less interested in extra stuff, but the tasks do only take about 5-20 minutes on average, which i know because my husband makes me go with him because they make him uncomfortable. even more gross than that is that these women are obsessed with him on a personal level. they openly flirt with him and literally offer themselves up if he's "ever tired of [me]" or "wants something different". i have even gotten pictures of boobs from neighbors! while i love my husband and am attracted to him, he's not like a male model or anything so i really don't understand why these women are fawning over him like this. one of the single moms has even asked him to come over and discipline one of her children, which is an absolute nope. he's not comfortable with any of this and has asked me to intervene. i've tried talking to these women more casually to no avail. i set up a zoom for just us ladies to try to get us on the same page. they told me that since it's now impossible for any of them to find anyone anymore (2020), i needed to share my husband and be less selfish in regards to household maintenance requests. it's "not even safe" to call for maintenance and i shouldn't ask them to when there's a "safe alternative" where they don't have to risk exposure. they also said that it was just "harmless flirting" because they're all "frustrated* and can't date" and that i wouldn't even be threatened by it if i was "giving him kids". i've talked to my own family about this and while they say that the women should be less forward, i should be more understanding about how hard it is for a woman to be alone because my own mother was alone. aita for not just dealing with it? *i'm substituting frustrated for the word that was actually used to make this slightly more family friendly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a weird situation. it's become very clear that my husband is the only man on our street. the rest of the houses are entirely women. there's a few single mother houses, 2 houses of all female roommates, one single woman, and even a lesbian couple. i normally wouldn't care or even take note of this, but since march, it's like we're getting constant calls and texts. the number we gave when we moved in two years ago (just renewed last january) was my number. i am flooded with requests for basic handyman stuff like changing light bulbs, car problems, and dealing with toilets. he has helped people around the neighborhood before because he is a nice guy and we are from a culture that assumes that men need to "help out" women if they can, even if they're not related. but with me being furloughed, he's the only one working and is less interested in extra stuff, but the tasks do only take about 5-20 minutes on average, which i know because my husband makes me go with him because they make him uncomfortable. even more gross than that is that these women are obsessed with him on a personal level. they openly flirt with him and literally offer themselves up if he's "ever tired of [me]" or "wants something different". i have even gotten pictures of boobs from neighbors! while i love my husband and am attracted to him, he's not like a male model or anything so i really don't understand why these women are fawning over him like this. one of the single moms has even asked him to come over and discipline one of her children, which is an absolute nope. he's not comfortable with any of this and has asked me to intervene. i've tried talking to these women more casually to no avail. i set up a zoom for just us ladies to try to get us on the same page. they told me that since it's now impossible for any of them to find anyone anymore (2020), i needed to share my husband and be less selfish in regards to household maintenance requests. it's "not even safe" to call for maintenance and i shouldn't ask them to when there's a "safe alternative" where they don't have to risk exposure. they also said that it was just "harmless flirting" because they're all "frustrated* and can't date" and that i wouldn't even be threatened by it if i was "giving him kids". i've talked to my own family about this and while they say that the women should be less forward, i should be more understanding about how hard it is for a woman to be alone because my own mother was alone. aita for not just dealing with it? *i'm substituting frustrated for the word that was actually used to make this slightly more family friendly. [/INST] nta. these grown women should learn how to complete basic home maintenance themselves. start sending you tube videos to them instead of your husband. </s>
|
AITA for not telling my sperm donation recipient I had growth hormone treatment as a kid?
|
my parents are both tiny (mom is like 4’10” and dad is like 5’4”), and i was in something like the 1st percentile for height as a kid, so my parents decided to give me growth hormone treatment. i ended up being average male height as an adult (5’10”).
i donated sperm to an acquaintance a few years ago. i am not at all involved in her or her son’s life, besides receiving health updates every few months. in the last update, she and her spouse reported that their son is very small for his age (3rd percentile for height at 5 years old), and that their pediatrician said that if he does not see a growth spurt within a couple years, growth hormone treatment should be something to consider. the parents are surprised at this, because the mom is well above average height for women (i would estimate she is around 5’8”).
i wrote them back saying there is nothing to be concerned about because i had growth hormone treatment as a kid, so their child’s height is in line with my genetics. i told them it worked well for me, so it is definitely something i endorse if they are worried about their child being undersized. the parents are both furious at me for not disclosing this beforehand, and said they would not have asked me to donate if they had known this ahead of time. i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process, and it was honestly something i never even thought to bring up. the parents are insisting i pay for the rather expensive hormone treatment if they decide to go that route; i will refuse if they ask. aita for not disclosing, and wibta for refusing to pay?
| 7,020 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5ci9f/aita_for_not_telling_my_sperm_donation_recipient/
|
2020-12-02 16:29:26
|
yta ~~nta~~
(for seemingly lying about all of this:)
> i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process
> i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process
> i was **never asked this** in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process
you're not an expert on genetic screening. and there **were** experts involved here. so clearly the blame for ball-dropping does not lie with you.
|
yta, full medical disclosure should be automatic, even if it wasn't asked, in a case like this.
|
yta. i very much doubt they never asked. they routinely ask sperm/ovum donors to list every medical diagnosis, surgery, treatment, etc and growth hormone treatment would qualify. growth hormone therapy is used to treat a diagnosed growth hormone deficiency.
they also ask for a family tree, including height, weight, age, eye color, medical issues, etc. so your parents' heights should have been listed.
edit to add: the laws in this area are still in flux but you might want to review all your paperwork including your donor agreement (if any), and all the disclosure forms you filled out. depending on the law in your area and how far the parents want to push this, if you failed to disclose the medical condition and treatment they can may be able to sue you (it's a horrible sounding claim - wrongful birth - for damages and the costs associated with the treatment). if you used an attorney for the donor agreement, you might talk to her about this development and your potential liability.
|
info: were you asked about your medical history at all, and in what capacity? they might not have asked spcifically about growth hormone therapy but i would be surprised if they didn't ask questions about your medical history. if there was any kind of open ended question about your past health that would have been the time to disclose this information.
|
let's hope the kid never finds out his parents would prefer not to have him than a short child...
|
yta - you didn’t disclose pertinent health info to your recipients. of course they are upset.
|
yta. all medical and health issues should be disclosed. if you had applied to be a sperm donor at clinic you would have had to disclose this and they likely would have rejected your application.
|
yta. i’m not saying i agree with anybody caring how tall their kid is, but you definitely should have disclosed that.
|
[deleted]
|
yta, whether or not it was asked is irrelevant. this is is something you should have voluntarily disclosed.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents are both tiny (mom is like 4’10” and dad is like 5’4”), and i was in something like the 1st percentile for height as a kid, so my parents decided to give me growth hormone treatment. i ended up being average male height as an adult (5’10”). i donated sperm to an acquaintance a few years ago. i am not at all involved in her or her son’s life, besides receiving health updates every few months. in the last update, she and her spouse reported that their son is very small for his age (3rd percentile for height at 5 years old), and that their pediatrician said that if he does not see a growth spurt within a couple years, growth hormone treatment should be something to consider. the parents are surprised at this, because the mom is well above average height for women (i would estimate she is around 5’8”). i wrote them back saying there is nothing to be concerned about because i had growth hormone treatment as a kid, so their child’s height is in line with my genetics. i told them it worked well for me, so it is definitely something i endorse if they are worried about their child being undersized. the parents are both furious at me for not disclosing this beforehand, and said they would not have asked me to donate if they had known this ahead of time. i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process, and it was honestly something i never even thought to bring up. the parents are insisting i pay for the rather expensive hormone treatment if they decide to go that route; i will refuse if they ask. aita for not disclosing, and wibta for refusing to pay?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents are both tiny (mom is like 4’10” and dad is like 5’4”), and i was in something like the 1st percentile for height as a kid, so my parents decided to give me growth hormone treatment. i ended up being average male height as an adult (5’10”). i donated sperm to an acquaintance a few years ago. i am not at all involved in her or her son’s life, besides receiving health updates every few months. in the last update, she and her spouse reported that their son is very small for his age (3rd percentile for height at 5 years old), and that their pediatrician said that if he does not see a growth spurt within a couple years, growth hormone treatment should be something to consider. the parents are surprised at this, because the mom is well above average height for women (i would estimate she is around 5’8”). i wrote them back saying there is nothing to be concerned about because i had growth hormone treatment as a kid, so their child’s height is in line with my genetics. i told them it worked well for me, so it is definitely something i endorse if they are worried about their child being undersized. the parents are both furious at me for not disclosing this beforehand, and said they would not have asked me to donate if they had known this ahead of time. i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process, and it was honestly something i never even thought to bring up. the parents are insisting i pay for the rather expensive hormone treatment if they decide to go that route; i will refuse if they ask. aita for not disclosing, and wibta for refusing to pay? [/INST] yta ~~nta~~ (for seemingly lying about all of this:) > i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process > i was never asked this in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process > i was **never asked this** in the fertility clinic’s lengthly screening process you're not an expert on genetic screening. and there **were** experts involved here. so clearly the blame for ball-dropping does not lie with you. </s>
|
AITA for helping my friend get a girl removed from the soccer team?
|
i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth.
anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her)
then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in.
fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”.
i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior.
now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing.
| 32,662 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3t3vb/aita_for_helping_my_friend_get_a_girl_removed/
|
2020-08-04 22:17:25
|
nta, you didn't get her kicked off the team, her actions did.
she's ta, and so are her friends. you did the right thing.
|
nta
wtf where’s the joke? people really care more about soccer and tiktok then being a humane person.
|
nta - thank you for promoting basic human decency.
|
nta- have you seen the clip where a soccer player lost full coverage with her hijab and the other women, even opposition, stop to huddle around her while she fixed it? when there are so many of those women in the world, why would a soccer team want an islamaphobic player? her own actions got her booted from the club, and for good reason.
|
nta racism should never be tolerated and you were helping your friend.
|
nta and good for you, you are a great friend and an even better human. megan needs to learn from the consequences of her racism, xenophobia, and flat out assault (removing the hijab!!!!! wtf)
also, your parents could/should learn a thing or two from you.
|
nta - i wanna make this clear: you are a good friend and a good person! you did the exact right thing, since the adults in your life and your school were too cowardly to punish this bigot and bully properly. what she did crossed a line no one should cross. hold your head up high! i am proud of you.
|
nta. her and her friends are disgustingly racist. block them all.
|
nta. you did the right thing. people need to have consequences for bullying and bigotry.
|
nta. fuck racists.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth. anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”. i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) have a friend named aysha (15f). aysha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. i don’t know why. it’s just cloth. anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan (also 15f). when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aysha and i and told aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (this was with malicious intent because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. i moved her hand away and we went to the principal. instead of getting a punishment, megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. fast forward to a few days ago. she makes a tiktok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag”. i was so livid for her. aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. well, i did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am, how i’m a retard, how i need to take a joke, etc. my parents think i should have stayed out of it. but i think i did the right thing. [/INST] nta, you didn't get her kicked off the team, her actions did. she's ta, and so are her friends. you did the right thing. </s>
|
AITA for banning my MIL from the house?
|
i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years.
her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap.
fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social".
mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type.
i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;"
last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee.
i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left.
my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top.
it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
| 31,630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ompv7i/aita_for_banning_my_mil_from_the_house/
|
2021-07-18 12:46:26
|
nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified.
|
[deleted]
|
fiancée:”my parents won’t come to the wedding until…”
you: “great! problem solved!”
nta. your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
|
nta. mil was way out of line. her behavior is toxic and abusive. you did the right thing, protecting your son from her nonsense.
stand firm. don't let her family push you around in this. whatever "drama" your fiance thinks will cause will be nothing compared to the damage mil can do to your son.
|
nta
but you realise that your fiancée is putting her desire to not want an argument with her family above your son's wellbeing right? she should've been standing up for your son against her mother for all her prior behaviour already, but the fact that she's actively choosing to basically side with her mother on this (by not defending your son) is abhorrent.
do you really want to be with someone who would put her own comfort over your son's wellbeing? do you really think your son will be able to trust your fiancée? feel safe and comfortable in his own home? knowing that fiancée will let her mother in the house?
|
nta except for the part where you compare this horrible woman to the amazing and lovable dolly. dolly doesn't deserve that type of slander.
keep standing up for your son. if your fiance isn't on his side in this and thinks her mother's fake tears are more important than him feeling safe in his own home... you've got more to think about than just this one situation because i foresee the kid starting to post here before the ink is dry on the guestbook.
|
at first, i thought you were talking about your late wife's mother. i chalked her behavior up to grief. holy crap, this woman isn't even related to your son in any way. your primary responsibility is your son. even when (if?) she is your wife, your fiance will also take a backseat to his needs. do not marry this woman until she is willing to set and enforce boundaries with her parents. nta.
|
you need to take a look at this relationship and decide if it’s worth continuing or not. you are the father of a child that lost his mother when he was 10 years old. he now has someone his father is going to marry that isn’t going to do what is best for him, but her own mother because that’s what she’s been trained to do her entire life. you will never replace his mother and shouldn’t try, but at least find someone who will stand up for him no matter what. are you truly prepared to have this fight over and over again or put your sons feelings to the side to keep the peace? you need to stop calling them mil and fil until they have the decency to treat your son with the respect he deserves. is this family one that your late wife would be happy for your son to live with? it’s not about you or them, it’s about your son. nta for protecting him, but you will be if you let this continue.
|
nta! this sounds like a very toxic family combo that daniel didn't sign up to be a part of. how would your deceased wife feel? i'd end this now before this abuse permanently traumatizes your son
|
yta for not kicking your fiancé to the curb for enabling her mother's toxic behavior.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i m39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. i have a16 year old son 'daniel' and i recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. her mom and i aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. she's a controlling, self-centered, dolly parton wanna be. i learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. fact is, daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". mil tried several time to force daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. i've realized the effect her behavior had on daniel so i gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as mil and he appreciated this alot. mil didn't like that daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. i told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "i'm just doing this for daaannny;" last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to daniel. after daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. i was in my bedroom when daniel came and said his journal was gone. we looked for it but didn't find it. i asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. i paused for a second to ask where mil was, my fiancee said in the living room but i saw her coming down the stairs. i asked where she was, she said the bathroom. i saw her purse in hand so i bluntly asked if she took daniel's journal. she looked offended and called for my fiancee when i insisted to see inside her purse. she wanted to leave but i didn't let her. fiancee told me to stop it but i insisted and the journal was there. mil tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know daniel better because "she cares about him". i blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. my fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. it backlashed and and fil argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve i am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to mil. fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til i reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but i won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. i'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just mil and my fiancee thinks i'm selfish to cause drama. [/INST] nta and if i were you i’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. i think the ban is 1000% justified. </s>
|
AITA for telling people my sister got Botox because everyone keeps saying that she looks younger than me?
|
my sister is 26 and i’m 22. my sister has always had great skin, i will give her credit for that. she recently got botox to treat migraines. the botox changed the symmetry in her face ever so slightly. she has been getting a lot of compliments.
when we go out together and explain to people that were sisters, they guess that she’s the younger one. i’m gonna be honest and say that it annoys me because she eats it up.
she took me out to lunch yesterday and we got a flirty waiter. who, again, “gasped” when he found out that i was the younger sister. and i was like “yup botox will do that for ya!” my sister got mad and was like “what the fuck dude?” but she literally did get botox. we argued about this, and she’s like “ i always told you to wear sunscreen” and blah blah blah. like i don’t get acne and like the way her skin looks isn’t genetic.
she is actually refusing to talk to me if i don’t apologize. i don’t think i did anything wrong, if anything i think she’s an asshole for not telling people that she got botox. she also does a whole bunch of other stuff to her skin like acid peels and clay masks. and she makes it come off as if she just naturally looks like she does.
i know i may have embarrassed and i feel bad about that. but am i an asshole for just telling the truth?
| 4,886 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdwea0/aita_for_telling_people_my_sister_got_botox/
|
2020-03-05 14:57:25
|
yta. you were jealous of the attention your sister was getting so you intentionally embarrassed her. as i always tell my grandma about her facebook posts, just cause you’re thinking something rude doesn’t mean you have to announce it!
|
yta and this is all so petty. she got botox for migraines. you screwed up and you need to apologize. she takes care of her skin--having a good regimen and wearing sunscreen isn't some kind of cheating, it's literally self care.
my sister is 9 years older and she and i look about the same age. it really sucked in college, people thought she was in my year and she was almost 30. at first it bothered me and i even went out of my way to tell people her age, and then i realized it took nothing away from me and i was being a bitch. i encourage you to engage in a similar self-reflection now. and stop cock blocking her when a cute waiter gives her a compliment, jfc.
|
yta jealously doesn't make you look younger.
|
yta. she didn’t get the botox for cosmetic reasons or to look younger, she got it due to medical reasons to prevent migraines. you’re being petty and insecure.
|
yta-you have no right to share your sister's medical information with anyone.
your complaining about how your sister's skin looks reminds me of people who complain about how fit someone is. if you put in the work, you get the results. if you don't then that shows too. your sister is putting in the work with a good skincare regimen.
the botox is a medical procedure to improve her quality of life vis-a-vis the migraines, not to improve her skin, that it helps is a nice side effect. she probably also benefits from the fact that without migraines she's happier. a happy person tends to look younger and more vibrant than an unhappy person.
|
yta.
if you're this fucked up about aging at twenty-two years old, boy howdy are you in for a ride.
|
yta and you know it. sounds like she takes better care of her skin and you're jealous of the attention she gets for it. literally no one advertises the surgery they've undergone or the self care they do.
|
lol your sister received a medical treatment for a legitimate issue and it had a very slight effect on her appearance. if she looks younger than you, it's not because of this one small thing.
sorry, but making efforts to publicly undermine compliments she receives is a very bad look and makes
yta.
|
yta. botox for migraines has very minimal effect on what your face / wrinkles look like - there's a complicated regiment of micro injections, most of which are around the crown of your head (think hairline), with only a couple in the forehead region. you don't lose any range of motion in your face, but admittedly your forehead might be a little smoother, but even that's minimal (i can still raise my brows and it's frankly unnoticeable).
i'll also say as someone who started getting botox for migraines in my 20s, as a young woman it's extremely difficult to get approved for this by insurance - you need a tremendous amount of documentation, including having 5-7+ debilitating migraines a month.
did you ever consider maybe the difference in your sister is that she's not exhausted and in pain all the time? that makes a bigger difference than the slight change facially from getting botox injection migraine protocol.
it was really nasty of you to do that - it's not fun needing like 30 micro-injections on your head every 3 months just to function, and i would be livid if my sister tried to make me feel bad for finally feeling good/normal after years of painful migraines.
if you've never suffered a chronic illness, congratulations - but please understand that when you've found a treatment that works for you - even if it's painful and expensive - it's like a weight lifted from your shoulders to be able to feel "normal" again.
congratulations to your sister for finding a treatment, and sticking with it despite the sexist stigma botox injections carries for women - it's a shame that her own sister can't support her in managing her chronic condition, but instead shames her publically for vapid, superficial reasons.
i'm going to leave it there, but honestly op, you should seriously reflect on your reaction to your sister feeling well and being complimented, and you should apologize to her.
|
yta
the green eyed monster has reared its ugly head.
you are jealous and misrepresenting why she got the botox.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister is 26 and i’m 22. my sister has always had great skin, i will give her credit for that. she recently got botox to treat migraines. the botox changed the symmetry in her face ever so slightly. she has been getting a lot of compliments. when we go out together and explain to people that were sisters, they guess that she’s the younger one. i’m gonna be honest and say that it annoys me because she eats it up. she took me out to lunch yesterday and we got a flirty waiter. who, again, “gasped” when he found out that i was the younger sister. and i was like “yup botox will do that for ya!” my sister got mad and was like “what the fuck dude?” but she literally did get botox. we argued about this, and she’s like “ i always told you to wear sunscreen” and blah blah blah. like i don’t get acne and like the way her skin looks isn’t genetic. she is actually refusing to talk to me if i don’t apologize. i don’t think i did anything wrong, if anything i think she’s an asshole for not telling people that she got botox. she also does a whole bunch of other stuff to her skin like acid peels and clay masks. and she makes it come off as if she just naturally looks like she does. i know i may have embarrassed and i feel bad about that. but am i an asshole for just telling the truth?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister is 26 and i’m 22. my sister has always had great skin, i will give her credit for that. she recently got botox to treat migraines. the botox changed the symmetry in her face ever so slightly. she has been getting a lot of compliments. when we go out together and explain to people that were sisters, they guess that she’s the younger one. i’m gonna be honest and say that it annoys me because she eats it up. she took me out to lunch yesterday and we got a flirty waiter. who, again, “gasped” when he found out that i was the younger sister. and i was like “yup botox will do that for ya!” my sister got mad and was like “what the fuck dude?” but she literally did get botox. we argued about this, and she’s like “ i always told you to wear sunscreen” and blah blah blah. like i don’t get acne and like the way her skin looks isn’t genetic. she is actually refusing to talk to me if i don’t apologize. i don’t think i did anything wrong, if anything i think she’s an asshole for not telling people that she got botox. she also does a whole bunch of other stuff to her skin like acid peels and clay masks. and she makes it come off as if she just naturally looks like she does. i know i may have embarrassed and i feel bad about that. but am i an asshole for just telling the truth? [/INST] yta. you were jealous of the attention your sister was getting so you intentionally embarrassed her. as i always tell my grandma about her facebook posts, just cause you’re thinking something rude doesn’t mean you have to announce it! </s>
|
AITA for not letting my parents into my son's life after they secretly tested his DNA?
|
i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption.
after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses.
long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital.
my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face.
that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita?
| 25,242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ppbcfs/aita_for_not_letting_my_parents_into_my_sons_life/
|
2021-09-16 11:20:05
|
nta and to all of you saying that you should not deprive your child of a relationship with his grandparents:
they are openly racist towards his wife/ the mother of this child. they will make remarks about that, they will make him feel bad about his heritage and will talk badly about his mother even when he is there. dont let them into your life, stay your ground
&#x200b;
|
nta! your parents are racist and your son is better off without them.
|
nta.
your parents never blessed you marriage, they made their distain and racism for your wife well known, and they only wanted back in your life when they had a grandson to dote over.
\~edit\~
damn, my highest voted comment, thank you everyone.
|
nta your primary responsibility is to protect your child and wife. allowing your racist family anywhere near them would be the opposite.
|
nta. your job here is to back up your wife. they are assholes. you're doing fine.
|
nta what is actually wrong with your parents?? like i get they don't approve of your wife because clearly they are racists. but to check your child's dna because he "doesn't look like you" is ridiculous. you dodged a massive disapproving bullet by cutting them out. protect your wife and son they are your family not your parents.
|
nta.
as someone who has a meddling, invasive mil who has boundary issues, i’d have cut that shit out, too. i wish my husband had your gumption.
high five, dude.
|
nta. at first i thought you were holding a chip on your shoulder in the face of your wife being a lovely person. yet seeing her solidarity in the face of your parents behavior, she’s apparently all-in on this one. she’s a keeper for life. long after your parents are gone, you’ll have her, your child(ren), and grandchildren.
if your parents want to share that love, the responsibility to build back bridges is theirs. i wonder how their relations were with your wife’s family before this.
|
nta
in addition to being racist they also had a medical procedure done on your kid without your permission. that’s a huge no no
|
nta
your family unit is your wife and child. everyone else is extended family. your parents manipulated your wife claiming good intentions by wanting to be in the child’s life and used that trust to conduct a dna test!
boundaries are clearly not a concern for them.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption. after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses. long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital. my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face. that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i met my wife sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. it took me a while to finally be her boyfriend. i introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. my parents think that sonya is only using me to achieve her american dream. i told them that is racist and i am very offended by their assumption. after my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family's blessing. her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and sonya's bestfriends to be our witnesses. long story short, now that we're 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child, my parents started to reach out to us. my kindhearted wife didn't think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. she let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital. my parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with garreth mom said something along the lines of "aren't you the cutest baby ever? i am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson". she didn't know i was around because she looked startled when i said "what does that supposed to mean?" mom tried to change the subject but i insisted she tell me what she's talking about. mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had garreth's dna tested to make sure that he's mine. i was speechless for a moment and before i blew up from anger i told dad to give me my son and they better leave before i lose whatever respect i had left for them. my mom was very apologetic and said it's because they don't trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. i didn't argue anymore and told them to get out of my house. my wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that's why they left without saying a word. i didn't tell my wife about the whole dna test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn't visit anymore. i told her everything as i know i cannot keep a secret from her. she started crying and it broke my heart. i know how much she tried to win my parents' approval and what i told her was like a slap across her face. that night she told me that she can no longer let my parents in to our child's life and i agreed with her. when mom called to ask when they can visit again, i told them they are no longer welcome in our son's life. mom called my dad and i told him the same thing. he was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. he also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. i didn't even hear the rest because i just hung up. did i overreact? aita? [/INST] nta and to all of you saying that you should not deprive your child of a relationship with his grandparents: they are openly racist towards his wife/ the mother of this child. they will make remarks about that, they will make him feel bad about his heritage and will talk badly about his mother even when he is there. dont let them into your life, stay your ground &#x200b; </s>
|
AITA for not cutting my business trip short?
|
i (43m) get a call yesterday from my wife (44f) that my daughter (14) has been hospitalized for anorexia. she fainted while hiking with her boyfriend.
my wife says that our daughter wanted to talk to me, so she hands over the phone to our daughter and we talk for a bit.
my daughter asks that i come to the hospital, but i happen to be on business trip, and was scheduled to be in that city until august.
the associate (23f) that accompanied me from my office is relatively new to the firm, and i feel like i need to be there should questions come up on her end.
so i tell my daughter that i had work stuff i couldn’t miss, and that she needed to focus solely on herself.
she starts bawling and that sneaking feeling comes up once again that a lot of the destructive things she does is a ploy to get attention.
my wife accuses me of wanting to spend time with the new office hires, and for being part of our daughter’s problem.
yet from where i’m sitting, my wife is the one who has been losing significant amounts of weight in the last couple of years to the point that she’s pale. yet i keep my mouth shut about that while she continues yelling at me. i finally have enough and hang up before i say something i’ll regret.
aita for not cutting my work trip short? i feel like if i did, i wouldn’t be much help in my daughter’s problem and if she is doing this for attention, it will only encourage her in the future.
| 4,943 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hu3jsk/aita_for_not_cutting_my_business_trip_short/
|
2020-07-19 16:46:00
|
yta, 3000.
your daughter needs you. she has a life-threatening illness and you consider it a "ploy to get attention"? oh. my. god.
&#x200b;
|
>yet from where i’m sitting
and where exactly is asshole hill?
**yta**
go home to your daughter.
|
[removed]
|
yta. anorexia kills people and your daughter is starving herself. your insinuation that you need to deprive your daughter of attention in a critical moment in her life to teach her some sort of lesson is awful and wrong. and the idea that some 23 year old associate at your firm needs you more than your 14 year old daughter is horrible. your daughter needs serious help, by the sounds of it you and your wife do too.
|
jeez i feel for ya man. i hate it when teenagers pull shady tricks like literally starving themselves just to get attention.
of course you should stay where you are, your new work colleague probably hasn't been with the firm long enough to, you know, call or email you if she has any problems.
|
yta.
stop using your affection for your child as a weapon. you dont get to withdraw it to punish her. she is in hospital. ending up in hospital is not a attention seeking. it is a warning sign... which you are ignoring.
reality check.
just. because. your. wife. lost. weight. it. does. not. give. yo the. right. to. punish. your. daughter. for. it.
your daughter has a physical and mental illness. you wife losing weight is reinforcing to you child that losing weight is the right thing to do. time for you to actually step up and help. or you will lose her in a way you will never forgive yourself for. ever.
get your head out of your ass, get that ass on a plane. and get a colleague fro your old office to help your other colleague. or you know...teams...zoom...facebook messenger...whatsapp....emails.
if you go she wont be alone at work for long.
your work has alot of people to rely on. your daughter does not.
get your priorities in check.
and family therapy when you are home. and many many parenting classes.
|
yta. your daughter is literally in the hospital during a global pandemic. she’s not doing this for attention, this shit is serious. you’re supposed to be away until august? cool, take four days off. you’ve still got time to come back and put out fires at work....after you go and take care of your daughter.
you mention that your wife has also lost weight in the past couple years. sounds like the whole fucking family needs some therapy. they might need to work on some body image issues and you need to work on getting your head out of your ass.
|
yta. what the hell is wrong with you? your daughter needs you.
|
uh, yeah dude, yta. your daughter's been *hospitalised* for a disorder that carries a serious mortality risk and you're a) more concerned about your young coworker, and b) implying it's all just a ploy to get your attention. **go home to your family**, work can wait.
|
yta. your daughter is having a physical and mental health crisis and asked for her dad to come be with her. wtf is wrong with you?
a “ploy for attention”??? you think she wants attention so you’re...not going to give it to her? i wonder what her next step will be to get your attention if an eating disorder and being hospitalized doesn’t work. this is your child.
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (43m) get a call yesterday from my wife (44f) that my daughter (14) has been hospitalized for anorexia. she fainted while hiking with her boyfriend. my wife says that our daughter wanted to talk to me, so she hands over the phone to our daughter and we talk for a bit. my daughter asks that i come to the hospital, but i happen to be on business trip, and was scheduled to be in that city until august. the associate (23f) that accompanied me from my office is relatively new to the firm, and i feel like i need to be there should questions come up on her end. so i tell my daughter that i had work stuff i couldn’t miss, and that she needed to focus solely on herself. she starts bawling and that sneaking feeling comes up once again that a lot of the destructive things she does is a ploy to get attention. my wife accuses me of wanting to spend time with the new office hires, and for being part of our daughter’s problem. yet from where i’m sitting, my wife is the one who has been losing significant amounts of weight in the last couple of years to the point that she’s pale. yet i keep my mouth shut about that while she continues yelling at me. i finally have enough and hang up before i say something i’ll regret. aita for not cutting my work trip short? i feel like if i did, i wouldn’t be much help in my daughter’s problem and if she is doing this for attention, it will only encourage her in the future.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (43m) get a call yesterday from my wife (44f) that my daughter (14) has been hospitalized for anorexia. she fainted while hiking with her boyfriend. my wife says that our daughter wanted to talk to me, so she hands over the phone to our daughter and we talk for a bit. my daughter asks that i come to the hospital, but i happen to be on business trip, and was scheduled to be in that city until august. the associate (23f) that accompanied me from my office is relatively new to the firm, and i feel like i need to be there should questions come up on her end. so i tell my daughter that i had work stuff i couldn’t miss, and that she needed to focus solely on herself. she starts bawling and that sneaking feeling comes up once again that a lot of the destructive things she does is a ploy to get attention. my wife accuses me of wanting to spend time with the new office hires, and for being part of our daughter’s problem. yet from where i’m sitting, my wife is the one who has been losing significant amounts of weight in the last couple of years to the point that she’s pale. yet i keep my mouth shut about that while she continues yelling at me. i finally have enough and hang up before i say something i’ll regret. aita for not cutting my work trip short? i feel like if i did, i wouldn’t be much help in my daughter’s problem and if she is doing this for attention, it will only encourage her in the future. [/INST] yta, 3000. your daughter needs you. she has a life-threatening illness and you consider it a "ploy to get attention"? oh. my. god. &#x200b; </s>
|
AITA for explaining to my son that he needs to put his foot down about being in the delivery room for the birth of his child?
|
my son and his wife are expecting their first child next month, and of course my wife and i couldn’t be happier about it. this weekend my son was helping me with some yard work (6 ft apart) and we started talking about the delivery. i asked if he was nervous, and he said “i am nervous for her, but kind of relived i’ll be in the waiting room.” i was dumbfounded and he said that when he and his wife discussed it, she expressed that she would “highly prefer” having just her mother in the room, but that she “of course” wouldn’t stop him if he felt strongly about being there instead, since due to the virus she can only have one person in the room with her. he insisted he was “indifferent” about witnessing the birth and wanted to respect his wife’s preference.
i explained that this is not ok, he needs to be there! he got frustrated with me and said that his wife is a “private person”, that she’s very close to her mother, and that she says she’ll be “best comforted by someone who’s already done it three times and will know how things should go”. i’ll admit i rolled my eyes at that. i tried to tell him that the days he and his sister were born were the best days of my life, and the memory would be nothing if i’d just walked into the room post-birth and got handed a fresh clean baby. helping my wife through the births cemented our partnership, as a couple and as parents. being the one to cut the cords, being an equal part of the birthing process…it’s so important as a dad. it’s a huge part of your bond with the baby.
i tried to explain that not only will it be very hard for him to bond with the baby if he doesn’t witness the birth, he needs to be there to ensure that his rights are protected. apparently they’ve already been arguing about her wanting to be doped up for the birth because she can’t handle pain, and if it’s just her mom in the room, he won’t be able to ensure she doesn’t overrule him with the epidural. and although it’s tough to think about the worst case scenario, he needs to be the one in the room if things go wrong. if huge medical decisions need to be made, and someone needs to choose if the doctors will save his wife or his baby, of course his mother in law will insist on saving her baby instead of his. he needs to be able to be there.
after i offered to call his wife to explain the situation to her as a father who’s been through it twice, we ended up getting a bit heated and he left. i’ve called a few times but he won’t answer. my wife says she doesn’t want to get involved, but that he told her he doesn’t want to talk to me until i apologize. i still don’t know for what!!! i called his wife to try to get a straight story from her about the extent to which she’d pressured him to cave and agree to wait outside, and she just swore at me and said “meddlesome shit like this” is what keeps us from being close.
i’m honestly dumbfounded. am i seriously the asshole for explaining to my son how important it is to witness the birth of his child??
| 5,945 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gsbw0z/aita_for_explaining_to_my_son_that_he_needs_to/
|
2020-05-28 18:36:11
|
yta.
first of all, you aren't your son. if he is ok with not being in the room, that's his choice.
secondly, it's her body. if she chooses to be 'doped up' for labor, no one gets to say otherwise, including her husband.
and finally, you are a super asshole for inserting yourself to the point of calling your daughter-in-law. mind your business before you get cut off from having a relationship with your unborn grandchild.
|
yta. it is not your place to decide who gets to witness the birth of this child. unless you’re the one lying spread eagle on a table for the entire room to watch a watermelon squeeze it’s way out of your vagina- you keep your trap shut.
he’s okay with it, you should be too.
and also, the epidural isn’t being “doped up”. you stay very alert with an epidural. it is non-drowsy. you literally don’t even know what you are talking about. and again, no one else gets to decide if she needs pain management. mind your own vagina- oh that’s right you don’t have one. stay tf out of your sons marriage.
|
yta to the nth degree, pal.
how dare you? you want your son to override his wife's need for pain relief?
fuck.
never mind the absolute bullshit about him not bonding with his baby if he doesn't see it born.
|
what the...
>very hard for him to bond with the baby
what the everlasting...
>his rights are protected.
>he won’t be able to ensure she doesn’t overrule him with the epidural.
what the everlasting fuck...
> mother in law will insist on saving her baby instead of his
what the everlasting fuck did...
>offered to call his wife to explain the situation to her
what the everlasting fuck did i...
> called his wife to try to get a straight story from her about the extent to which she’d pressured him to cave
what the everlasting fuck did i just read?
>meddlesome shit like this”
i agree with your daughter in law. yta.
|
[removed]
|
yta. hope this is fake. your son is trying to be supportive of his wife’s comfort which is a good thing. he loves and respects her. you’re a terrible influence and his wife is right about you
|
yta
the mother decides who’s in the room with her, not you. and your son is respecting her decision, why try to make him cross boundaries? if she wants him in the waiting room then he’ll have to be in the waiting room
|
yta. of the worst sort... unless you are playing with us...you're playing, right?
|
yta.
why do you feel you get to decide who your dil has in the delivery room with her? here’s the deal, when you are giving birth, you can have whoever you want in the room with you, until that happens, you don’t get to interfere with anyone else’s labor. delivering a baby isn’t a spectator sport, it’s a medical procedure. a medical procedure not happening to you, or your son. if the mother is expressing she would feel more comfortable with her mom, it’s best to do whatever will make giving birth easier for her. if laboring (and pooping) in front of her husband is going to make her self conscious and anxious and unable to focus on the task at hand, she has every right to ask him to wait outside. the calmer the mother, the better chance at an easier delivery.
you need to take a big step back. you literally have no say in this and need to learn to mind your own business. this is between your son and his wife, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
|
yta
this isn't your child being born, it's theirs. in their relationship, they make their rules, and do things their way. you don't get to impose your beliefs on them. you don't get to tell your son he's wrong for a choice that he and his wife mutually agreed was right for them. you don't get to call his wife and try to pressure her into confessing to manipulating your son. christ, if this is how you're like, i'm shocked that they continue to have any relationship with you at all.
"meddlesome shit like this" is right. if this is how you regularly are with them, don't be surprised if you have limited contact in your grandchilds upbringing.
listen. your son is grown up and starting his own family. you may be his father, but you're done being the parent. it's his turn to make his choices in life and live with the consequences. it's your turn to watch and only give your thoughts if asked.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son and his wife are expecting their first child next month, and of course my wife and i couldn’t be happier about it. this weekend my son was helping me with some yard work (6 ft apart) and we started talking about the delivery. i asked if he was nervous, and he said “i am nervous for her, but kind of relived i’ll be in the waiting room.” i was dumbfounded and he said that when he and his wife discussed it, she expressed that she would “highly prefer” having just her mother in the room, but that she “of course” wouldn’t stop him if he felt strongly about being there instead, since due to the virus she can only have one person in the room with her. he insisted he was “indifferent” about witnessing the birth and wanted to respect his wife’s preference. i explained that this is not ok, he needs to be there! he got frustrated with me and said that his wife is a “private person”, that she’s very close to her mother, and that she says she’ll be “best comforted by someone who’s already done it three times and will know how things should go”. i’ll admit i rolled my eyes at that. i tried to tell him that the days he and his sister were born were the best days of my life, and the memory would be nothing if i’d just walked into the room post-birth and got handed a fresh clean baby. helping my wife through the births cemented our partnership, as a couple and as parents. being the one to cut the cords, being an equal part of the birthing process…it’s so important as a dad. it’s a huge part of your bond with the baby. i tried to explain that not only will it be very hard for him to bond with the baby if he doesn’t witness the birth, he needs to be there to ensure that his rights are protected. apparently they’ve already been arguing about her wanting to be doped up for the birth because she can’t handle pain, and if it’s just her mom in the room, he won’t be able to ensure she doesn’t overrule him with the epidural. and although it’s tough to think about the worst case scenario, he needs to be the one in the room if things go wrong. if huge medical decisions need to be made, and someone needs to choose if the doctors will save his wife or his baby, of course his mother in law will insist on saving her baby instead of his. he needs to be able to be there. after i offered to call his wife to explain the situation to her as a father who’s been through it twice, we ended up getting a bit heated and he left. i’ve called a few times but he won’t answer. my wife says she doesn’t want to get involved, but that he told her he doesn’t want to talk to me until i apologize. i still don’t know for what!!! i called his wife to try to get a straight story from her about the extent to which she’d pressured him to cave and agree to wait outside, and she just swore at me and said “meddlesome shit like this” is what keeps us from being close. i’m honestly dumbfounded. am i seriously the asshole for explaining to my son how important it is to witness the birth of his child??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son and his wife are expecting their first child next month, and of course my wife and i couldn’t be happier about it. this weekend my son was helping me with some yard work (6 ft apart) and we started talking about the delivery. i asked if he was nervous, and he said “i am nervous for her, but kind of relived i’ll be in the waiting room.” i was dumbfounded and he said that when he and his wife discussed it, she expressed that she would “highly prefer” having just her mother in the room, but that she “of course” wouldn’t stop him if he felt strongly about being there instead, since due to the virus she can only have one person in the room with her. he insisted he was “indifferent” about witnessing the birth and wanted to respect his wife’s preference. i explained that this is not ok, he needs to be there! he got frustrated with me and said that his wife is a “private person”, that she’s very close to her mother, and that she says she’ll be “best comforted by someone who’s already done it three times and will know how things should go”. i’ll admit i rolled my eyes at that. i tried to tell him that the days he and his sister were born were the best days of my life, and the memory would be nothing if i’d just walked into the room post-birth and got handed a fresh clean baby. helping my wife through the births cemented our partnership, as a couple and as parents. being the one to cut the cords, being an equal part of the birthing process…it’s so important as a dad. it’s a huge part of your bond with the baby. i tried to explain that not only will it be very hard for him to bond with the baby if he doesn’t witness the birth, he needs to be there to ensure that his rights are protected. apparently they’ve already been arguing about her wanting to be doped up for the birth because she can’t handle pain, and if it’s just her mom in the room, he won’t be able to ensure she doesn’t overrule him with the epidural. and although it’s tough to think about the worst case scenario, he needs to be the one in the room if things go wrong. if huge medical decisions need to be made, and someone needs to choose if the doctors will save his wife or his baby, of course his mother in law will insist on saving her baby instead of his. he needs to be able to be there. after i offered to call his wife to explain the situation to her as a father who’s been through it twice, we ended up getting a bit heated and he left. i’ve called a few times but he won’t answer. my wife says she doesn’t want to get involved, but that he told her he doesn’t want to talk to me until i apologize. i still don’t know for what!!! i called his wife to try to get a straight story from her about the extent to which she’d pressured him to cave and agree to wait outside, and she just swore at me and said “meddlesome shit like this” is what keeps us from being close. i’m honestly dumbfounded. am i seriously the asshole for explaining to my son how important it is to witness the birth of his child?? [/INST] yta. first of all, you aren't your son. if he is ok with not being in the room, that's his choice. secondly, it's her body. if she chooses to be 'doped up' for labor, no one gets to say otherwise, including her husband. and finally, you are a super asshole for inserting yourself to the point of calling your daughter-in-law. mind your business before you get cut off from having a relationship with your unborn grandchild. </s>
|
AITA for telling my fiancé that his daughter is manipulating him
|
my fiancé is a single dad to summer (15). summer has an autoimmune disease and her mom isn’t in the picture. her dad spoils her rotten because of this.
if dinner’s already done but summer wants something else, he orders it for her because “she gets cravings”. she doesn’t do any chores around the house and i’m not allowed to ask her for help with anything. if she’s being a brat he excuses it because “her medicines cause mood swings” and she can demand all of his attention whenever she wants.
summer goes to one of those year round schools. so instead of a 3 month summer break, they get like a month in the summer and they split the other 2 months up throughout the rest of the year. because of this, she has a 4 week winter break.
summer was supposed to spend the first week of winter break on vacation with her friend and her mom. it was okay at first. i enjoyed spending time with my fiancé without her interrupting us every 10 minutes but she still called when she woke up, before she went to bed, and every few hours in between. she constantly complained that she missed him (this was the first time she’s been away from him since her mom left).
on day 4, we got a call from her friend’s mom. summer wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. i answered the phone the first time and i asked the mom if she had a fever, was throwing up, or was actually sick. the mom said no fever or vomiting but she’s tired and says she wants to go home. i told her to tell summer to stick it out and call us if she actually gets sick.
summer decided to call her dad, say she didn’t feel good, and that i said she couldn’t come home. he didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself before kicking me out of the house and starting the 4 hour drive to the friend’s cabin. when they got home, he told me he needs to rethink our relationship. i told him summer is manipulating him now like she always does and listed examples of her using her illness to get what she wants with her dad. he told me not to contact him for the next few weeks while he thinks about if he really wants to marry me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
am i the asshole for saying summer is manipulative?
| 5,931 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zpjlaz/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_that_his_daughter_is/
|
2022-12-19 05:59:48
|
yta
summer doesn't need a reason to come home. if she wanted to come home because she wanted to sleep in her own bed - that is valid.
also, autoimmune diseases can be debilitating and there's not enough info here to know if she is actually just being a brat or if you are being ableist (but based on the rest of your post, i'm going with the latter).
it's wild that you feel entitled to gatekeep when someone else's child is allowed to come back to their home.
you are not looking like step-parent material. i think rethinking this marriage will be in the best interest of everyone involved.
|
yta are you modeling your approach to being a step mother from disney?
|
yta.
whether or not she spoiled, it's not on you to décidé if summer can come home or not. you're not the parent and you didn't make that decision based on parenting or helping the kid, bu just because you didn't want her around.
you're dating à man with à kid and not mother around. you're not always going to be the center of his attention.
you need to grow up.
|
yta this is his daughter in his house, either suck it up until she’s moved out or at college or ship out.
why not compromise, live separately and schedule dates when you will be the centre of attention. you will not win trying to get between a parent and their child.
|
are you kidding me? yta. there could be 100 reasons that any kid on her first stay away from a parent would want to come home even if she isn’t vomiting/feverish. you always go get the kid, no questions asked. not your call and not the time or place to claim “manipulation.”
|
yta, both for calling her manipulative and for telling summer for stick it out when she’s sick. clearly, you prefer that this kid not be around, “i enjoyed spending time with my fiancé without her interrupting us…”
he’s a dad. they’re a package deal. you guys are not compatible. and honestly, you’re actions and attitude are unforgivable
|
yta. summer's mom left, she has an autoimmune disease, and it was her first time away from her father. instead of showing any empathy you were annoyed she called him, and took it on yourself to parent her, and called her manipulative. she will always come first for him. i'd dump you too.
|
yta - this was not the time to pick this battle, he has made it clear that he doesn’t want you to parent her. so then you tell her to stick it out over the phone without telling her dad she wanted to come home. eesh not a good look. it’s just not your place. he’s supposed to choose her over you. maybe you aren’t cut out to be a step parent.
|
yta. i've had an autoimmune disease and i can tell you that it was absolutely miserable. the medicine made me nauseous at even the slightest whiff of most foods and i couldn't get out of bed due to how much my head hurt and how tired i felt. summer having an appetite at all is a good thing.
|
yta for several reasons, but mostly for not realizing how this was going to play out. i think it’s quite possible that you were right about summer being manipulative, but that’s a battle you are clearly never going to win. i can see that just from reading what you wrote, so it’s surprising that you didn’t realize it.
moreover, you’re not ready to be a step-parent and i’m not sure you ever will be. while your fiancé is rethinking this relationship, so should you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé is a single dad to summer (15). summer has an autoimmune disease and her mom isn’t in the picture. her dad spoils her rotten because of this. if dinner’s already done but summer wants something else, he orders it for her because “she gets cravings”. she doesn’t do any chores around the house and i’m not allowed to ask her for help with anything. if she’s being a brat he excuses it because “her medicines cause mood swings” and she can demand all of his attention whenever she wants. summer goes to one of those year round schools. so instead of a 3 month summer break, they get like a month in the summer and they split the other 2 months up throughout the rest of the year. because of this, she has a 4 week winter break. summer was supposed to spend the first week of winter break on vacation with her friend and her mom. it was okay at first. i enjoyed spending time with my fiancé without her interrupting us every 10 minutes but she still called when she woke up, before she went to bed, and every few hours in between. she constantly complained that she missed him (this was the first time she’s been away from him since her mom left). on day 4, we got a call from her friend’s mom. summer wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. i answered the phone the first time and i asked the mom if she had a fever, was throwing up, or was actually sick. the mom said no fever or vomiting but she’s tired and says she wants to go home. i told her to tell summer to stick it out and call us if she actually gets sick. summer decided to call her dad, say she didn’t feel good, and that i said she couldn’t come home. he didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself before kicking me out of the house and starting the 4 hour drive to the friend’s cabin. when they got home, he told me he needs to rethink our relationship. i told him summer is manipulating him now like she always does and listed examples of her using her illness to get what she wants with her dad. he told me not to contact him for the next few weeks while he thinks about if he really wants to marry me and hasn’t spoken to me since. am i the asshole for saying summer is manipulative?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé is a single dad to summer (15). summer has an autoimmune disease and her mom isn’t in the picture. her dad spoils her rotten because of this. if dinner’s already done but summer wants something else, he orders it for her because “she gets cravings”. she doesn’t do any chores around the house and i’m not allowed to ask her for help with anything. if she’s being a brat he excuses it because “her medicines cause mood swings” and she can demand all of his attention whenever she wants. summer goes to one of those year round schools. so instead of a 3 month summer break, they get like a month in the summer and they split the other 2 months up throughout the rest of the year. because of this, she has a 4 week winter break. summer was supposed to spend the first week of winter break on vacation with her friend and her mom. it was okay at first. i enjoyed spending time with my fiancé without her interrupting us every 10 minutes but she still called when she woke up, before she went to bed, and every few hours in between. she constantly complained that she missed him (this was the first time she’s been away from him since her mom left). on day 4, we got a call from her friend’s mom. summer wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. i answered the phone the first time and i asked the mom if she had a fever, was throwing up, or was actually sick. the mom said no fever or vomiting but she’s tired and says she wants to go home. i told her to tell summer to stick it out and call us if she actually gets sick. summer decided to call her dad, say she didn’t feel good, and that i said she couldn’t come home. he didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself before kicking me out of the house and starting the 4 hour drive to the friend’s cabin. when they got home, he told me he needs to rethink our relationship. i told him summer is manipulating him now like she always does and listed examples of her using her illness to get what she wants with her dad. he told me not to contact him for the next few weeks while he thinks about if he really wants to marry me and hasn’t spoken to me since. am i the asshole for saying summer is manipulative? [/INST] yta summer doesn't need a reason to come home. if she wanted to come home because she wanted to sleep in her own bed - that is valid. also, autoimmune diseases can be debilitating and there's not enough info here to know if she is actually just being a brat or if you are being ableist (but based on the rest of your post, i'm going with the latter). it's wild that you feel entitled to gatekeep when someone else's child is allowed to come back to their home. you are not looking like step-parent material. i think rethinking this marriage will be in the best interest of everyone involved. </s>
|
AITA for making a scene when my son refused to dance with me?
|
this all started when my son ben graduated high school. there was a formal dance. i was very excited for the mother-son dance. every time i brought it up, ben would say he wasn't going to dance. i didn't take him seriously. i thought he was just being shy.
when we got to the formal, everything was beautiful. but when it came time for the formal dances, he was nowhere to be seen. i approached my older daughter, alice, and my husband, who i could see were talking and laughing. i asked if they'd seen ben, and they laughed and said he was going to go hide so he didn't have to dance. i was absolutely heart broken. my son was literally hiding from me! i stood in the corner during the mother-son dance, watching all his friends dance with their moms. i couldn't take it, so i told my husband and daughter that i was walking home.
when they got home, ben walked right past me and went to his room to get ready for the after party. my daughter hugged me, and went to get ready, because she was driving ben to the party. after our children left, my husband and i had an argument about what happened. he said he was appalled at my behaviour, and that i was acting like a child. i said that the least ben could have done was dance with his mother. he said that today was supposed to be about him and his accomplishment, not me. but in my opinion, today should have also been about celebrating the people who helped him get to where he is now. things got quite heated, and before going inside, my husband said that he wasn't going to force his son to do something he didn't want to do on his day.
i was taken aback by this, so i just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. i thought my husband would support me. later, my daughter returns home and sees me crying. she gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up. if no one else, my daughter would be on my side. she danced with me at her graduation. she danced with her father. she understood how important this day was for me. i asked if she was on my side. she said something along the lines of "i know you're upset, but i don't know what you expected from him".
it took a few days before we really spoke to each other again, and after a few weeks, everything went back to normal.
coming back to the present, my daughter recently got engaged. we were talking about it on a family facetime, and the topic of when ben will get married came up. he said he was never going to get married, because he doesn't want to deal with another round of dance drama. when i asked him to clarify, he said that he was obviously referring to his graduation.
i was appalled at this attack. he won’t get married because of me? i won't lie, i am upset that he still does not want to dance with me, even at his own wedding. now my husband is mad at me, my son refuses to answer my calls or texts.
aita for making a scene and starting an argument because my son never wants to dance with me?
| 6,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zcm9pj/aita_for_making_a_scene_when_my_son_refused_to/
|
2022-12-04 21:27:24
|
yta. when your child said "i don't want to dance." that should have been the end of the story. it sounds like you walk over his boundaries often and that was one of the first time's he spoke up to you about it.
|
[removed]
|
>i was taken aback by this, so i just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. i thought my husband would support me.
>if no one else, my daughter would be on my side.
> i asked if she was on my side.
>i was appalled at this attack.
yta and this is not a healthy response to your kid setting a boundary that disappointed you.
|
you’re going to a very *interesting* mother-in-law.
|
you forced your son to hide somewhere because he knew you would show no respect whatsoever for his boundaries.
years later, he cracks a joke about it, and you go into another huff?
of course, yta. why do you even need to ask?
|
i feel like everyone has covered why yta to your son but i also feel sorry for your daughter who it seems feels obligated to comfort you and manage your emotions. that’s not her job.
|
yta - your son graduating high school has nothing to do with you, this is his event. he told you he didn’t want to dance with you, and that should be enough for you. why are trying to ruin what should be a fun and exciting time? why are you making his milestones all about you? you are not the protagonist in this story.
|
alright, from your edit, you've seen the comments and they're pretty unanimous, so i don't need to belabor the point and pass judgment on the dancing.
here's the part that made me do a double take:
>she gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up.
*what?* is this a storytelling device, or is it literal? did you really need someone to give you candy and try to cheer you up -- like a toddler?
and worse, your own daughter? don't put your emotions on her, no matter your ages. the parent/child dynamic will never be equal and by making her responsible for your emotions, you are putting an unfair burden on her. just stop, please.
|
i love my mom but i would have found such a scene to be embarrassing when i was a high school student, and i'd imagine most kids would too. it's not a wedding; it's a high school formal.
stop forcing your son to do things with you that he finds embarrassing or an invasion of his space. major league yta
|
yta
seriously, no means no. he didn't want to dance with you and you pushed the issue to the point where your own son had to hide from you at an event that should have been all about his success. i don't blame him for saying he wouldn't want to deal with you at a wedding. you sound like one of those nightmare mils who rides rough shod over the happy couple and make everything about herself.
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this all started when my son ben graduated high school. there was a formal dance. i was very excited for the mother-son dance. every time i brought it up, ben would say he wasn't going to dance. i didn't take him seriously. i thought he was just being shy. when we got to the formal, everything was beautiful. but when it came time for the formal dances, he was nowhere to be seen. i approached my older daughter, alice, and my husband, who i could see were talking and laughing. i asked if they'd seen ben, and they laughed and said he was going to go hide so he didn't have to dance. i was absolutely heart broken. my son was literally hiding from me! i stood in the corner during the mother-son dance, watching all his friends dance with their moms. i couldn't take it, so i told my husband and daughter that i was walking home. when they got home, ben walked right past me and went to his room to get ready for the after party. my daughter hugged me, and went to get ready, because she was driving ben to the party. after our children left, my husband and i had an argument about what happened. he said he was appalled at my behaviour, and that i was acting like a child. i said that the least ben could have done was dance with his mother. he said that today was supposed to be about him and his accomplishment, not me. but in my opinion, today should have also been about celebrating the people who helped him get to where he is now. things got quite heated, and before going inside, my husband said that he wasn't going to force his son to do something he didn't want to do on his day. i was taken aback by this, so i just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. i thought my husband would support me. later, my daughter returns home and sees me crying. she gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up. if no one else, my daughter would be on my side. she danced with me at her graduation. she danced with her father. she understood how important this day was for me. i asked if she was on my side. she said something along the lines of "i know you're upset, but i don't know what you expected from him". it took a few days before we really spoke to each other again, and after a few weeks, everything went back to normal. coming back to the present, my daughter recently got engaged. we were talking about it on a family facetime, and the topic of when ben will get married came up. he said he was never going to get married, because he doesn't want to deal with another round of dance drama. when i asked him to clarify, he said that he was obviously referring to his graduation. i was appalled at this attack. he won’t get married because of me? i won't lie, i am upset that he still does not want to dance with me, even at his own wedding. now my husband is mad at me, my son refuses to answer my calls or texts. aita for making a scene and starting an argument because my son never wants to dance with me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this all started when my son ben graduated high school. there was a formal dance. i was very excited for the mother-son dance. every time i brought it up, ben would say he wasn't going to dance. i didn't take him seriously. i thought he was just being shy. when we got to the formal, everything was beautiful. but when it came time for the formal dances, he was nowhere to be seen. i approached my older daughter, alice, and my husband, who i could see were talking and laughing. i asked if they'd seen ben, and they laughed and said he was going to go hide so he didn't have to dance. i was absolutely heart broken. my son was literally hiding from me! i stood in the corner during the mother-son dance, watching all his friends dance with their moms. i couldn't take it, so i told my husband and daughter that i was walking home. when they got home, ben walked right past me and went to his room to get ready for the after party. my daughter hugged me, and went to get ready, because she was driving ben to the party. after our children left, my husband and i had an argument about what happened. he said he was appalled at my behaviour, and that i was acting like a child. i said that the least ben could have done was dance with his mother. he said that today was supposed to be about him and his accomplishment, not me. but in my opinion, today should have also been about celebrating the people who helped him get to where he is now. things got quite heated, and before going inside, my husband said that he wasn't going to force his son to do something he didn't want to do on his day. i was taken aback by this, so i just stayed on the porch trying not to cry. i thought my husband would support me. later, my daughter returns home and sees me crying. she gives me a hug and gave me a chocolate bar to try to cheer me up. if no one else, my daughter would be on my side. she danced with me at her graduation. she danced with her father. she understood how important this day was for me. i asked if she was on my side. she said something along the lines of "i know you're upset, but i don't know what you expected from him". it took a few days before we really spoke to each other again, and after a few weeks, everything went back to normal. coming back to the present, my daughter recently got engaged. we were talking about it on a family facetime, and the topic of when ben will get married came up. he said he was never going to get married, because he doesn't want to deal with another round of dance drama. when i asked him to clarify, he said that he was obviously referring to his graduation. i was appalled at this attack. he won’t get married because of me? i won't lie, i am upset that he still does not want to dance with me, even at his own wedding. now my husband is mad at me, my son refuses to answer my calls or texts. aita for making a scene and starting an argument because my son never wants to dance with me? [/INST] yta. when your child said "i don't want to dance." that should have been the end of the story. it sounds like you walk over his boundaries often and that was one of the first time's he spoke up to you about it. </s>
|
AITAH for giving guardianship of my son to my aunt over my mother after I die of my terminal cancer
|
i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son.
i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed.
my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes.
am i the asshole?
| 26,429 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8ditf/aitah_for_giving_guardianship_of_my_son_to_my/
|
2020-06-13 19:05:42
|
nta
you're taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success. don't feel bad about it and don't let your mother talk you out of it.
you're a good dad, and i'm sure your child will grow up knowing and appreciating that.
|
i want to first offer my condolences over this entire situation. you are a bright and kind young person and i am so sorry this is happening.
short answer, no. nta. you have to think of your child, as hard and horrible as this all is. i’m unfamiliar with how child custody works once both parents have passed away, but what might offer a decent solution is if you’re able to specify that legally, your mother be able to spend time with him.
this is a very delicate situation and despite it all i must say i believe you are handling it very well. i’m sending so much love and light your way. ❤️
|
nta, but i would talk to a lawyer to make sure that your mom can’t fight for him afterwards.
|
nta at all and i hope you're considering leaving something behind for your son like a box birthday cards, a letter about who him mom was, who you were, how much you loved him, and why your aunt was the best guardian for him. i'm so sorry.
|
nta. your choice is about what’s best for your child. not what’s best for his grandmother who is currently over extended as it is.
|
as someone who lost a parent young, please make videos and write letters for your child- particularly for them to open during big moments in life. also, include some stories about their mom.
|
nta obviously but i was reading something about things you're leaving him like money and so on.
let me say you sound like an amazing dad and it really touches my heart because my own father isn't that great, and it feels so weird reading about loving parents when i've never experienced such things. but enough about myself
the money and the pictures are great but money fades, years later when he's older having a letter from you will mean a lot to him, cuz it's your words and i think it'll feel like you're still there for him, envisioning your voice, it'll mean a lot to him, a audio recording may also do him well. best of luck
|
nta you are looking out for your son's best interest after you are no longer around.
|
nta, if you haven't already gotten a lawyer to ensure that your aunt will become your child's legal guardian once you pass, you should do that, i have no idea how custody works where you live but it seems like the best way to make sure your child is somewhere safe, loved, and taken care of. i am so sorry for your loss, and your situation, i cant imagine how you are dealing with everything. kudos to you for being able to take care of your son and the plans for after while going through this.
|
nta- first of all i’m extremely heartbroken over your situation. i really hope you are at peace. as for your son, you’re making a good decision about who will give him him the best care in life. i understand why your mom is upset but she’s not to be blamed because she’s also experiencing trauma so she’s probably not comprehending from your perspective. i really hope you guys make peace with your decision and hopefully your mom will come to realize that it was the best choice for your son. i hope you find peace and comfort and i’m hoping your son also gets the best in life and grows up with love and compassion.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son. i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed. my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. i was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and i don't have very long left (two months at most) i have accepted that i'm going to die but now i have to think about what's best for my son. i had to decide who my boy would go to and i thought my mother(55) naturally but then i started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and i decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn't really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful. i wasn't going to put my son in that environment as i want someone to actually care for him. so i then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and i know they could provide for my son. i asked them and they agreed. my mother however found out that i wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she's loosing me and now loosing her grandson. i gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids. it all ended in an even bigger argument and now i'm cooling off at home. i understand that things are terrible for her right now as i won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you're taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success. don't feel bad about it and don't let your mother talk you out of it. you're a good dad, and i'm sure your child will grow up knowing and appreciating that. </s>
|
AITA for telling my new neighbours that I've been trapped in a basement for a week after she told me not to check my mail box on weekends?
|
i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox.
my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country.
she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left.
just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped
aita?
| 25,305 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dh6wvr/aita_for_telling_my_new_neighbours_that_ive_been/
|
2019-10-13 06:17:18
|
nta. some people just need to mind their own damned business. who cares when you check your mail?
also, some people just do not understand sarcasm. at least she cared enough to call the cops for you, though. good thing they were cool about it.
|
nta there is nothing you could have done to predict or prevent that level of stupid.
|
nta - it's an obvious joke. she called the police?! karen needs to mind her own business
|
[removed]
|
this neighbor is gonna be fun. right off the bat she's policing your mailbox use. brace yourself for endless complaints about the length of your grass, noise level, &c. &c. &c. it never ends with people like this, so you may want to set aside a notebook to document the coming list of bitchery so that the next time the cops come by you have some context.
|
nah. you’re not an a-hole but her conscience probably wouldn’t let her sleep just in case you weren’t joking. to most it probably seems silly but better safe than sorry i guess.
|
nta - and make a point of checking it every saturday and sunday whenever you see them.
|
nta. did she seriously think you were let out of your basement just to check the mail? this is silly. good luck with your new neighbor!
|
nah ok, her tone of voice rubbed you the wrong way. you were hungover and not in the mood to have obvious things explained to you; maybe she might have been less annoying if your head had been clearer. in other circumstances, her shocked expression might also have clued you in that she didn’t get the joke. whoops! she did what would have been the socially responsible thing to do and now she’s embarrassed. swearing at you for it was unnecessary.
i think there was a bit of sarcasm and hostility which adds up to snark all round one way and another, but you *did* decide you weren’t going to get on and you treated her sarcastically off the bat, without making sure she realised it was a joke. i wouldn’t necessarily have liked being told how to manage my mailbox, but there’s a bit of arseholishness in how you behaved. not enough to label, though.
enjoy your unfortunate and mildly simmering feud, i guess? (joking. i would have said take over some brownies or something and try to clear the air, but she doesn’t deserve them for using the c-word at you.)
|
esh. your neighbors are idiots. avoid them. still, you shouldn't joke about that stuff especially with people who don't know you. people do get held captive, and it's not necessarily unreasonable for someone to contact the authorities if they think there's a chance you're in trouble.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
ESH
| 0.048445 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox. my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country. she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left. just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been away since thursday, house sitting for my mum, and it's currently sunday afternoon where i live. here, mail doesn't deliver on weekends, they only do that monday to friday, which means i had 2 days worth of mail in my mailbox. my 30 something year old neighbours moved in on friday when i wasn't here, and she was in her front yard when i was collecting my mail. she goes "don't check your mailbox on weekends. they don't deliver on weekends. so don't check it." (in a rude karen voice, if you know then you know.) already, i know we're not going to have a good neighbour relationship, and i'm hungover and can't be bothered dealing with her shit, so i said "i know, it's just i've been kidnapped in the basement for a week so i had to check the mailbox." i don't have a basement, barely anyone does in my country. she seemed shocked, but it was an obvious joke with my overly sarcastic tone. then we both went inside and that was that. about 25 minutes later, the police knocked on the door thinking i was held captive in my basement which i don't have, so i explained to them what i had said and they just laughed and left. just before, i was putting rubbish in the bin and she came out and called me a c*nt for making her think i was kidnapped aita? [/INST] nta. some people just need to mind their own damned business. who cares when you check your mail? also, some people just do not understand sarcasm. at least she cared enough to call the cops for you, though. good thing they were cool about it. </s>
|
AITA for telling my brother he downgraded?
|
hi there, sorry for the shit grammar. english is my first language i just suck at it.
my(28f) brother mike (33m) was married to lisa (31f) for 4 years until last year when he was caught cheating with penny(29f).
my ex-sil was reserved, sweet and was straight edge (no alcohol/drugs). mike loves to party and went to court ordered rehab before he was even 21. when mike met lisa he sobered up, got an apprenticeship and really turned his life around. he also threw that all away on penny. penny knew he was married, she got him shit faced and that is how the affair started. penny is loud, disgusting, obnoxious and encourages my brother to drink, he thinks she is just soooo fun and 'the life of the party'.
we were at a family party this past weekend and mike and penny were there. some cousins we hadn't seen in years were there and were introduced to penny. mike introduced her as his "upgrade". cue major side eye from me, my brother noticed and pulled me aside later.
he asked why the attitude-penny was clearly an 'upgrade'. i asked him to explain that comment, she's blonde, curvy and fun whereas lisa "looked like a librarian with no tits". i decided to clear things up for him. penny is obnoxious, rude, slovenly, her hair is poorly bleached and she smells like fungus. no one looks at her like a prize to be won. no one is jealous of him (which he thinks they are? his best friend won't even talk to him any more because penny made a dead baby joke to his wife after a miscarriage)
i let him know that he actually chose alcohol over his ex, penny just encouraged him to do it because she had a crush on him for years.
he called me a bitch, i told him "samesies".
pretty sure i am the asshole on this one tbh
edit. pretty disappointed with myself for going after her looks though-felt very immature after the fact. going to just silently judge my brothers choices from afar from now on (and to those saying i need to accept my brothers partner...lol no i don't)? i just won't be involved. i really did love my sil and i really don't like how she was treated. and to those who followed me, lol why?
| 18,944 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pu737p/aita_for_telling_my_brother_he_downgraded/
|
2021-09-23 23:10:22
|
nta your brother picked someone who makes dead baby jokes to his best friend after a trauma, costing him the friendship. that's not an upgrade.
|
nta. sounds like penny is a downgrade, but it’s the grade that mike deserves.
|
😂😂😂 nta, though it sounds like your loud, crass, drunk of a brother found his match with penny. i hope lisa finds someone worthy of her.
|
nta
in most cases i would say the comment would not have been appropriate, but given the history that you mention. you gave him your honest opinion and had every right to share your disgust over his behavior and actions.
|
you're my spirit animal! "smells like fungus" had me lol. nta.
|
nta
your brother fell off the wagon for an enabler. he chose a woman who does not have good values, ethics, tact, or manners. maybe your family should be including your ex-sil and not inviting mike instead.
|
nta - lisa sounds like she's had a lucky escape however.
|
idk about being an adshole but let’s not pretend penny “got your brother drunk.” he’s a grown ass man who knows the consequences of drinking. maybe he and penny aren’t good for each other, but he made the decision to drink, and to cheat/ leave his ex. blaming her is kind of an ah move. who knows what his relationship with his ex was like behind closed doors, or if he / they was/ were happy. i doubt partying will be a long term improvement, but unless penny held a gun to his head and said drink, you’ve got to reevaluate the situation.
|
librarian with no tits. sorry you’re related to this misogynist. nta.
|
you are so nta.
good for you sticking up for your sil and for calling your idiot brother out on his shit.
also..."smells like fungus" i fucking died.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi there, sorry for the shit grammar. english is my first language i just suck at it. my(28f) brother mike (33m) was married to lisa (31f) for 4 years until last year when he was caught cheating with penny(29f). my ex-sil was reserved, sweet and was straight edge (no alcohol/drugs). mike loves to party and went to court ordered rehab before he was even 21. when mike met lisa he sobered up, got an apprenticeship and really turned his life around. he also threw that all away on penny. penny knew he was married, she got him shit faced and that is how the affair started. penny is loud, disgusting, obnoxious and encourages my brother to drink, he thinks she is just soooo fun and 'the life of the party'. we were at a family party this past weekend and mike and penny were there. some cousins we hadn't seen in years were there and were introduced to penny. mike introduced her as his "upgrade". cue major side eye from me, my brother noticed and pulled me aside later. he asked why the attitude-penny was clearly an 'upgrade'. i asked him to explain that comment, she's blonde, curvy and fun whereas lisa "looked like a librarian with no tits". i decided to clear things up for him. penny is obnoxious, rude, slovenly, her hair is poorly bleached and she smells like fungus. no one looks at her like a prize to be won. no one is jealous of him (which he thinks they are? his best friend won't even talk to him any more because penny made a dead baby joke to his wife after a miscarriage) i let him know that he actually chose alcohol over his ex, penny just encouraged him to do it because she had a crush on him for years. he called me a bitch, i told him "samesies". pretty sure i am the asshole on this one tbh edit. pretty disappointed with myself for going after her looks though-felt very immature after the fact. going to just silently judge my brothers choices from afar from now on (and to those saying i need to accept my brothers partner...lol no i don't)? i just won't be involved. i really did love my sil and i really don't like how she was treated. and to those who followed me, lol why?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi there, sorry for the shit grammar. english is my first language i just suck at it. my(28f) brother mike (33m) was married to lisa (31f) for 4 years until last year when he was caught cheating with penny(29f). my ex-sil was reserved, sweet and was straight edge (no alcohol/drugs). mike loves to party and went to court ordered rehab before he was even 21. when mike met lisa he sobered up, got an apprenticeship and really turned his life around. he also threw that all away on penny. penny knew he was married, she got him shit faced and that is how the affair started. penny is loud, disgusting, obnoxious and encourages my brother to drink, he thinks she is just soooo fun and 'the life of the party'. we were at a family party this past weekend and mike and penny were there. some cousins we hadn't seen in years were there and were introduced to penny. mike introduced her as his "upgrade". cue major side eye from me, my brother noticed and pulled me aside later. he asked why the attitude-penny was clearly an 'upgrade'. i asked him to explain that comment, she's blonde, curvy and fun whereas lisa "looked like a librarian with no tits". i decided to clear things up for him. penny is obnoxious, rude, slovenly, her hair is poorly bleached and she smells like fungus. no one looks at her like a prize to be won. no one is jealous of him (which he thinks they are? his best friend won't even talk to him any more because penny made a dead baby joke to his wife after a miscarriage) i let him know that he actually chose alcohol over his ex, penny just encouraged him to do it because she had a crush on him for years. he called me a bitch, i told him "samesies". pretty sure i am the asshole on this one tbh edit. pretty disappointed with myself for going after her looks though-felt very immature after the fact. going to just silently judge my brothers choices from afar from now on (and to those saying i need to accept my brothers partner...lol no i don't)? i just won't be involved. i really did love my sil and i really don't like how she was treated. and to those who followed me, lol why? [/INST] nta your brother picked someone who makes dead baby jokes to his best friend after a trauma, costing him the friendship. that's not an upgrade. </s>
|
AITA for making my daughter share her presents with my stepdaughter?
|
i (40f) was a single mother to my daughter, amy (15f). i came out 3 years ago and married my wife jenna (42f) last year. she has a daughter, nora (13f). we all live together as i have full custody of my daughter. it was kind of hard for her to adjust to having a second mom, but they got along well.
the girls have their birthdays very close, only two days apart, so we decided to have a joint birthday party for both of them, since nora had a hard time making new friends (they moved in with us and she's very shy). most of my family lives out of the country, so the gifts were sent a week early. it was a huge bag, with at least 20 gifts. the party was nice and we opened the bag at night once everyone left.
jenna handed out the presents as she took them out. after 12 gifts in a row just for amy, i checked the bag and froze to see that there was only one gift for nora, from my parents. she pretended it wasn't a big deal, but as she opened the present i saw her eyes drop. it was a $15 tumbler from walmart. not to sound ungrateful, but amy's gifts were much more expensive (lots of gift cards over $100, a new phone, limited-edition funkos, designer clothes and lots of cards wishing her a happy birthday).
needless to say, i blew up the family chat, calling out my parents, siblings, and extended family who sent gifts for not considering nora and my parents for the cheap gift. no one took me seriously since: *"it's not our duty to give gifts to someone else's kid"* and *"amy deserved them, since i didn't even throw her her own birthday party",* emphasizing that jenna and nora are my problem, not theirs.
nora was clearly hurt, since it's not the first time my family has left her out. at night, i asked amy to share some of the gifts with her stepsister. not all of them, just a couple of gift cards and some of the new clothes. amy refused. this surprised me, since she never had a problem with sharing and even though she and nora are not bff's, they usually get along. after asking why, amy started crying, saying that she never wanted a joint birthday party, and that i force her to share everything with nora. they share a room for space and i make sure they're both invited to the same parties and sleepovers, so that nora won't be left out. if they don't invite both of them, then either of them goes.
amy stated that she at least wanted her own gifts to be hers alone. i scolded her for being selfish with her stepsister, grounded her and took a couple of the presents to give to nora. she turned them down because she didn't want problems with amy and it felt like pity. since then, amy has been cold to all of us. i just wanted my two girls to be closer with the joint party and have the same things. aita?
clarification: jenna and i bought gifts for the girls (their own tablets), as well as their friends. nora also received gifts from her extended family, but they sent for amy as well.
| 17,164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtcwc5/aita_for_making_my_daughter_share_her_presents/
|
2022-08-20 17:40:39
|
yta, you are basically asking your daughter to share her complete identity with nora. her room, her stuff, her family, her friends, her birthday party, the parties she goes to, sleepovers.... is there anything really hers? this can't be good for her development. she needs to be her own person.
|
>i make sure they’re both invited to the same parties and sleepovers…if they don’t invite both of them, them neither of them goes.
amy isn’t allowed to have her own friends?!?! you seriously don’t let her socialize unless her sister is with her?!?!?! not to mention, maybe nora doesn’t want amy there when she hangs out with her friends.
sounds like amy is dealing pretty well with - losing her dad(?), having her mother come out, having to share her mom with her new wife, having to share her space and things with a new sister….after 14 years of it being just the two of you. she has nothing to herself. and she can’t even go out with her friends on her own.
do you see amy’s struggles at all??? or are you so focused on the pretty picture in your mind and being nora’s hero that you don’t see your all the changes your own daughter is going through?
you have compassion for nora, and that’s wonderful! but you are sacrificing your own daughter’s happiness for nora’s. just because amy doesn’t complain doesn’t mean she isn’t struggling and hurting.
(yes, your parents are jerks-that was a horrible thing to do. but maybe they did her a favor if it wakes you up to how awful you are being to your daughter. i’m wondering if she’s complained to them, or they just see how she’s treated now). but you tried fix it the totally wrong way. you punished amy for your family’s awful behavior.
listen to what amy is telling you. she’s been polite long enough. you are not bringing them closer; you are driving them apart. yta
|
yta, i know you are trying your best, but your mistake was to have a joint party in the first place. amy is a teenager and is developmentally looking to forge her own identity. this means not existing as a package deal with nora. it's also cruel to take someone's birthday presents away when it's not her fault that your family was not as generous with nora. it's up to you and your spouse to make sure nora has a good birthday too.
i think you need to talk to your wife about how y'all want to coparent your teens. it's incredibly inappropriate to expect their friends to invite them as a package deal to parties. they are teenagers, it is completely normal to have different social circles. there are twins out there who have separate friends.
i also want to stress, that it is very common for biological sisters who grow up together to not like each other. the fact that amy and nora are not besties is not a failure to blend your families. stop forcing it.
|
yta absolutely
you’re trying to force this one big happy family dynamic. you expect your family to jump on board pretty quickly and just accept and treat nora like your own and they haven’t.
you don’t solve that by stealing your daughters presents from her family and sharing them with nora, that’s only going to build resentment between them.
you’ve found who you are and accepted it and created a new life, good for you. but in the process you’ve robbed your daughter of her own space, her own celebrations, her own friendships and her own gifts. then you punish her for not being accepting of it.
that’s just crappy on multiple levels.
|
is this a rage–bait post? yes, yta.
*first, y*ou forced your children into a joint party as opposed to celebrating each of them on their own day. (would it have been that big a deal just to make two cakes?
*second*, rather than checking the present situation in advance, you *assumed* your family would somehow give equal presents to amy and to nora even though they never treated them equally in the past? why, oh why would you make that assumption? in other words, nora's discomfort at the gift–opening is on you for managing it poorly.
*third*, you took your older daughter's gifts and gave them to another person. what on this green earth were you thinking? do. not. take. other. people's. stuff. didn't you learn that in kindergarten?
*fourth*, in what universe do you think repurposing your daughter's gifts and making her share her party is going to help your family grow closer? forced sharing drives wedges between siblings; forced sharing drives wedges between children and parents.
you need to sincerely apologize to amy. then rethink your strategy for blending your families.
|
yta. everything you’re doing to build closeness (sharing a party, sharing gifts, only letting them go to parties both are invited to) are only going to push them apart. your lack of understanding that your daughter’s life has been drastically changed too is a serious problem.
|
yta, this makes me so incredibly sad for amy. others have outlined all the reasons why what you did is horribly wrong
just to add something others haven’t- your wife isn’t amy’s ‘second mom’- she’s her stepmom, or, given amy’s age when you and wife got together, she’s her ‘mom’s wife’ and that’s it. nora isn’t her sister, she’s her step sister or her ‘mom’s wife’s kid’. that’s it! she doesn’t owe her any sort of relationship or any sort of sibling bond.
if you don’t share blood, someone becomes your parent because you choose that in your heart, someone becomes your sister because you feel that in your soul. what you’re doing is ensuring amy never chooses your wife and nora, and never feels for them what you want her to feel. you’re setting her up to resent them, and ultimately hate them, through every, single thing you’re doing.
|
yta. you are making your problem, your child's. you are also trying to guilt your family. you should just have bought your step daughter a big gift on your own instead of trying to mess up your daughter's birthday.
|
yta. you might think you're doing right but you're going about it a terrible way.
firstly, i agree with your daughter on the joint birthday party's. idk if it's just me or how i was raised but to me it just seems lazy at its core. my brother has his birthday 2 days before christmas, my mum made a point to *never* mix these 2 into 1 for him and would deliberately tell all my family to get him separate gifts for each event. it might be easier for you but in essence you're taking away **their individual** special day.
secondly, punishing your daughter because of your family's indifference to your stepdaughter? really? they are *her* gifts, you don't get to demand that she share them and then punish her because she doesn't want to. are you out of your mind?! she doesn't get her own birthday, now she can't even have her own gifts because you feel bad? **so you forcefully take them anyway** and are somehow surprised your daughter is "cold" towards you.
you say you want them to get along but all of your actions will make your daughter hate nora because you give her what amy will perceive as special treatment. you're on the fast track to your daughter moving out as soon as she can and never coming back to visit, so if you don't want that for your future then you best fix your mistakes here.
|
yta. amy has had her life severely changed in the past year. from being the only child and living with her mom (getting all your attention) to living with two strangers and having to adjust to a new family dynamic (and therefore, less of your attention). she now has to share a room with a stranger, have this stranger invited to all activities she goes to, and if nora isn't invited then neither of them can go (?!). her entire sense of individualism is being stripped of her.
you should've asked the girls (separately) before hand if they wanted a joint party, and not to mention, you should've just looked in the bag ahead of time to see the gifts (or taken some of your own money and bought nora her own gifts!!!!). yta for asking her to share the only things she has to herself. if you really felt that bad for nora, you and jenna could've bought her her own gifts with your own money. remember, this is new for your side of the family too, and since you mention most of them live out of the country, i'm assuming most of them haven't even met nora and don't know her that well, so why would they spend hundreds of dollars on a child they don't know?
please apologize to your daughter and let her live her life independently of nora. forcing them to be friends and forcing amy to share her gifts with nora is not only going to create resentment towards nora, but you as well.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (40f) was a single mother to my daughter, amy (15f). i came out 3 years ago and married my wife jenna (42f) last year. she has a daughter, nora (13f). we all live together as i have full custody of my daughter. it was kind of hard for her to adjust to having a second mom, but they got along well. the girls have their birthdays very close, only two days apart, so we decided to have a joint birthday party for both of them, since nora had a hard time making new friends (they moved in with us and she's very shy). most of my family lives out of the country, so the gifts were sent a week early. it was a huge bag, with at least 20 gifts. the party was nice and we opened the bag at night once everyone left. jenna handed out the presents as she took them out. after 12 gifts in a row just for amy, i checked the bag and froze to see that there was only one gift for nora, from my parents. she pretended it wasn't a big deal, but as she opened the present i saw her eyes drop. it was a $15 tumbler from walmart. not to sound ungrateful, but amy's gifts were much more expensive (lots of gift cards over $100, a new phone, limited-edition funkos, designer clothes and lots of cards wishing her a happy birthday). needless to say, i blew up the family chat, calling out my parents, siblings, and extended family who sent gifts for not considering nora and my parents for the cheap gift. no one took me seriously since: *"it's not our duty to give gifts to someone else's kid"* and *"amy deserved them, since i didn't even throw her her own birthday party",* emphasizing that jenna and nora are my problem, not theirs. nora was clearly hurt, since it's not the first time my family has left her out. at night, i asked amy to share some of the gifts with her stepsister. not all of them, just a couple of gift cards and some of the new clothes. amy refused. this surprised me, since she never had a problem with sharing and even though she and nora are not bff's, they usually get along. after asking why, amy started crying, saying that she never wanted a joint birthday party, and that i force her to share everything with nora. they share a room for space and i make sure they're both invited to the same parties and sleepovers, so that nora won't be left out. if they don't invite both of them, then either of them goes. amy stated that she at least wanted her own gifts to be hers alone. i scolded her for being selfish with her stepsister, grounded her and took a couple of the presents to give to nora. she turned them down because she didn't want problems with amy and it felt like pity. since then, amy has been cold to all of us. i just wanted my two girls to be closer with the joint party and have the same things. aita? clarification: jenna and i bought gifts for the girls (their own tablets), as well as their friends. nora also received gifts from her extended family, but they sent for amy as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (40f) was a single mother to my daughter, amy (15f). i came out 3 years ago and married my wife jenna (42f) last year. she has a daughter, nora (13f). we all live together as i have full custody of my daughter. it was kind of hard for her to adjust to having a second mom, but they got along well. the girls have their birthdays very close, only two days apart, so we decided to have a joint birthday party for both of them, since nora had a hard time making new friends (they moved in with us and she's very shy). most of my family lives out of the country, so the gifts were sent a week early. it was a huge bag, with at least 20 gifts. the party was nice and we opened the bag at night once everyone left. jenna handed out the presents as she took them out. after 12 gifts in a row just for amy, i checked the bag and froze to see that there was only one gift for nora, from my parents. she pretended it wasn't a big deal, but as she opened the present i saw her eyes drop. it was a $15 tumbler from walmart. not to sound ungrateful, but amy's gifts were much more expensive (lots of gift cards over $100, a new phone, limited-edition funkos, designer clothes and lots of cards wishing her a happy birthday). needless to say, i blew up the family chat, calling out my parents, siblings, and extended family who sent gifts for not considering nora and my parents for the cheap gift. no one took me seriously since: *"it's not our duty to give gifts to someone else's kid"* and *"amy deserved them, since i didn't even throw her her own birthday party",* emphasizing that jenna and nora are my problem, not theirs. nora was clearly hurt, since it's not the first time my family has left her out. at night, i asked amy to share some of the gifts with her stepsister. not all of them, just a couple of gift cards and some of the new clothes. amy refused. this surprised me, since she never had a problem with sharing and even though she and nora are not bff's, they usually get along. after asking why, amy started crying, saying that she never wanted a joint birthday party, and that i force her to share everything with nora. they share a room for space and i make sure they're both invited to the same parties and sleepovers, so that nora won't be left out. if they don't invite both of them, then either of them goes. amy stated that she at least wanted her own gifts to be hers alone. i scolded her for being selfish with her stepsister, grounded her and took a couple of the presents to give to nora. she turned them down because she didn't want problems with amy and it felt like pity. since then, amy has been cold to all of us. i just wanted my two girls to be closer with the joint party and have the same things. aita? clarification: jenna and i bought gifts for the girls (their own tablets), as well as their friends. nora also received gifts from her extended family, but they sent for amy as well. [/INST] yta, you are basically asking your daughter to share her complete identity with nora. her room, her stuff, her family, her friends, her birthday party, the parties she goes to, sleepovers.... is there anything really hers? this can't be good for her development. she needs to be her own person. </s>
|
AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband camps in the bathroom for extended lengths of time.
|
my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently.
my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in )
i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter.
it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child.
yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare.
today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole.
tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties.
| 25,639 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elpvjj/aita_for_turning_off_the_wifi_when_my_husband/
|
2020-01-08 08:09:43
|
nta. what kind of a man fucks around on the internet while his baby screams and cries? he deserves it.
|
nta
he got busted hiding in the bathroom to avoid parenting. if turning off the wifi works, do it.
|
nta; i’m getting angry just reading about his shitty behavior.
|
nta. however, you should have a talk with your husband about his habit. given that you turning off the wifi somehow helped him improve his condition, you could logically assume that he’s perfectly fine in this regard. talk to him about him helping out with parenting.
|
where are you ladies finding these useless men to marry and procreate with? if i had a nickel for every aita post about men being worthless partners i wouldn't have to work.
&#x200b;
e: damn, thanks for the metals, y'all. though it'd be better if you spent that money donating to good causes! consider donating to:
planned parenthood ([https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/other-ways-give](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/other-ways-give))
helen keller international ([https://www.hki.org/](https://www.hki.org/))
support for firefighter families in australia ([https://www.rfs.nsw.gov.au/news-and-media/general-news/featured/support-for-firefighter-families](https://www.rfs.nsw.gov.au/news-and-media/general-news/featured/support-for-firefighter-families))
support rescue efforts for animals in australia ([https://www.gofundme.com/f/rescue-wildlife-from-the-australian-bushfires](https://www.gofundme.com/f/rescue-wildlife-from-the-australian-bushfires))
&#x200b;
i'm not gonna respond to any of the replies, but feel free to pm me if you're really jonesing for a conversation about this.
|
nta as a mother of twins it is hard work and he isn’t pulling his weight and you’ve just proved it.
mine are now toddlers and i fully admit i go for longer wees as it’s my quiet place but i don’t when something needs doing.
i’ve also fed a baby while on the toilet because i literally couldn’t hold any longer. call his bluff and tell him if he’s going to be there a while he might as well take the baby to feed and cuddle as well.
i would have a talk about how you feel when he leaves you to do it all. either with him or with someone else, you need to let those emotions out or they will cause resentment and damage your relationship.
|
nta what the hell is wrong with him.
|
nta, if he's really in there for bathroom reasons the wifi wouldn't matter.
as a parent of twins, tell him to man up and get his ass helping out, you and those kids need him, and you're going to go insane if you handle this alone.
good luck, it does get easier!
|
nta.
if this were a real medical issue, he’d make the doctor’s appointment as was his care provider’s recommendation, and losing wifi would not impact duration.
while this is a clever trick that’s working for now, it probably won’t last if you two don’t manage to confront the underlying issue. he’s going to figure out how to pre-load content, download videos, or play offline games.
|
nta. i’m sorry that you have to resort to that to try to get him to act like a parent to his own children. that’s a horrible situation. he basically wants you to be a single mother.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently. my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in ) i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter. it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child. yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare. today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole. tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. anytime my husband should be doing something with the children ( it's his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he always goes to the bathroom first. we are both on maternity / paternity leave currently. my husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. it's a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. he is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( i did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it's not that bad and refuses to go in ) i would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. he always takes his phone. he is always watching youtube. his average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter. it's the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so i can not double feed ) because we will get up, i will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because i have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child. yesterday was a week and a half sence i started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare. today i started a new rule. if he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, i flip the wifi off. he has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. i feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels i am being unreasonable, and i need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole. tldr: aita for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties. [/INST] nta. what kind of a man fucks around on the internet while his baby screams and cries? he deserves it. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to financially help my family after they abandoned me even if it means they’ll end up homeless?
|
i feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but i’m really struggling with what to do here so..
i am my mother’s oldest biological child. when i was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-“dad” when i was 8. when i was 9 i was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore. they used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when i was 14 that stopped. my aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help. despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own. i very rarely saw my mom, i think i saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. she never even called. she went on to have three more children (19m, 18f and 16m) with my stepdad.
growing up i used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine. they regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc.
i went to college and got married at 23. my mother/siblings have no idea i’m married. i’m currently 28 and doing well financially. my husband and i own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs. my cousins (30f and 27f) and i all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year.
recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings. now with covid he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help. my aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done. my mom then asked for my number.
when she called me and explained the situation. i told her i couldn’t help. she kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if i didn’t help them. i told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and i had to. i hung up before she could reply.
since then i have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. i have never spoken to my siblings in my life. they’ve begun harassing my husband and my sil. they’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind.
i’m so angry with them all. they threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? but the guilt is also starting to set in an i don’t know if i’m being an asshole. am i?
| 20,703 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iepi4i/aita_for_refusing_to_financially_help_my_family/
|
2020-08-22 20:10:03
|
nta. these people are not your family. you owe them absolutely **nothing**. it's time to block and consider threatening legal action for harassment.
|
so a bunch of strangers and a woman you knew when you were a young child are begging you for money? fuck them. nta if they didn’t think you were the easiest means to recover their lifestyle you would never have heard from them.
|
nta. they made their bed, now they've got to lay on it.
if they're so desperate for cash, they've got assets & objects they can sell, they can get less-paying jobs but that can mean an income, and they can figure out how to live their lives without you, as they have for so many years.
sorry you got that mother op, but sounds like your aunt + uncle + cousins gave you a lovely home all the same.
|
nta. change your phone number, get a restraining order, whatever it takes to keep these people out of your life. you don't owe them a thing.
|
nta..
she's not your mother, she's just a surrogate. your aunt has been a better mom for you than she ever could be.
|
nta, your mom abandoning you and moving on with her happy little life was a royally shit move. you owe them nothing and are in no way obligated to save them from their own poor choices.
|
nta
your mom and step-dad basically sent you to the farm because he didn’t want you around, and then went on to have more kids and a happy family without giving you a second though.
they aren’t your family. your family are your cousins, aunts and uncles that raised you and took care of you. don’t give those strangers a single penny or listen to them when they start up with half-assed apologies or demands that you pay them back the money they sent your aunt and uncle.
|
yta. why did you hang up without telling you mom:' the karma is a bitch"?? call her back and make that clear please. and don't be guilty, you owe them nothing.
|
nta. your aunt and uncle and cousins are your family, not your mom and her family. you did well by yourself and seem like a great person, to care for your aunt and uncle, but your mom had no part in your upbringing and you owe her nothing.
|
nta, a thousand times. the entitlement is sky-high. even if they were trying to reconnect, you wouldn't be an ah, but they aren't even giving you the courtesy of pretending to do that. they can downsize, they can get jobs, just like you said. otherwise, they dug the hole they're in themselves. you don't owe them a cent.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but i’m really struggling with what to do here so.. i am my mother’s oldest biological child. when i was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-“dad” when i was 8. when i was 9 i was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore. they used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when i was 14 that stopped. my aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help. despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own. i very rarely saw my mom, i think i saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. she never even called. she went on to have three more children (19m, 18f and 16m) with my stepdad. growing up i used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine. they regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc. i went to college and got married at 23. my mother/siblings have no idea i’m married. i’m currently 28 and doing well financially. my husband and i own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs. my cousins (30f and 27f) and i all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year. recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings. now with covid he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help. my aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done. my mom then asked for my number. when she called me and explained the situation. i told her i couldn’t help. she kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if i didn’t help them. i told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and i had to. i hung up before she could reply. since then i have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. i have never spoken to my siblings in my life. they’ve begun harassing my husband and my sil. they’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind. i’m so angry with them all. they threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? but the guilt is also starting to set in an i don’t know if i’m being an asshole. am i?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but i’m really struggling with what to do here so.. i am my mother’s oldest biological child. when i was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-“dad” when i was 8. when i was 9 i was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore. they used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when i was 14 that stopped. my aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help. despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own. i very rarely saw my mom, i think i saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. she never even called. she went on to have three more children (19m, 18f and 16m) with my stepdad. growing up i used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine. they regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc. i went to college and got married at 23. my mother/siblings have no idea i’m married. i’m currently 28 and doing well financially. my husband and i own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs. my cousins (30f and 27f) and i all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year. recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings. now with covid he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help. my aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done. my mom then asked for my number. when she called me and explained the situation. i told her i couldn’t help. she kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if i didn’t help them. i told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and i had to. i hung up before she could reply. since then i have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. i have never spoken to my siblings in my life. they’ve begun harassing my husband and my sil. they’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind. i’m so angry with them all. they threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? but the guilt is also starting to set in an i don’t know if i’m being an asshole. am i? [/INST] nta. these people are not your family. you owe them absolutely **nothing**. it's time to block and consider threatening legal action for harassment. </s>
|
Aita? For not letting my brother in law see my girls after he called CPS on me?
|
i f33 lost my husband in an accident and he passed away shortly after he arrived at the hospital
we have two girls who are 9 and 5 and it's been very devastating and very difficult to be taking care of them while going through these tough times. my mom would help a lot and i'm so thankful for that.
my in-laws have been keeping to themselves but my brother in law would visit often to see the girls. he has always wanted kids on his own but hasn't been able to because his wife has medical issues.
he treats my girls well. and has been generous but treats me poorly and makes comments and criticizes my parenting often. he implied he wanted to be their guardian but i told him no.
he started demanding i bring the girls over to my in-laws house. and would get upset when i tell him i have work. he'd claim i'm clearly not taking care of the girls and don't fit to be a single parent.
we got into a huge argument after i told him i no longer will be welcoming him into my house because of his behavior. and he the reported me to cps after i refused to let him into my house.
he claimed that i'm not taking good care of my girls needs/refusing to let them see their grandparents/being busy with work and other things i don't know about.
i had to deal with cps once then after they did a surprise visit and thank goodness it went well although i was told to deal with some issues that are normal in every family.
i told my in-laws about what my brother in law did but didn't do anything. his wife was the one who told me eventually.
it's been over a month now. my inlaws are calling to tell me that i should let my brother see the girls after i told them that only them see my girls.
i refused to let him see the girls after what he did and the disrespect he shown but my in-laws are pressuring me saying these are their granddaughters and i have no right to act like this just out of spite.
edit to say that the issues i'm dealing with are trying to balance my working hours with the time i spend with the girls. i have my mom either come over or take them to her house so i could pick them up after i get off work. another thing is therapy and my girls are currently in therapy. i'm trying to take it slow but it's just so overwhelming and then to have to deal with my brother in law's behavior is just a lot for me and there isn't anything more i want than to spend time with my girls but i have to work since no one is willing to help with anything. i'm not the person who feels comfortable asking for help so i do all i can.
my brother in law says he wants to see the girls because it's been a while since he saw them and he misses them a lot but i don't want him around after what he did. i can't even look at him after this he made my grieve worse and i won't be able to forgive him soon.
| 19,421 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jlla13/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_in_law_see_my/
|
2020-10-31 16:26:26
|
nta he called cps on you!
don't listen to anyone, seriously. if he was willing to do something so serious over something so small i wouldn't trust him near my kids, who knows what he will tell them/manipulate them!
|
nta. the “boy who cries wolf” who”implies”‘he wants to be your kids’ guardian? he has no rights to see your kids. cps is there to protect children- not to waste time as his tool.
see a lawyer. have a plan for the next time they call cps on you. if you want to see these grieving yet unsupportive in laws, have a couple of witnesses with you. you might need them. consider visits in a neutral setting. your house is your house. keep it safe
|
nta. protect your girls. if your inlaws don't like it, they can also kick rocks. you're the parent.
i'm so sorry for your loss. i know this must be difficult and i wish you the best.
|
nta
none of your in-laws have any rights to see your child, and your brother-in-law was literally trying to take your kids away from you. to be honest, i would never let your brother-in-law lay eyes on your kids again after the bogus cps call.
|
nta.
i know it's hard with everything you're going thru, but you need to take some time to consult a family law attorney. an unfounded call to cps by a family member is akin to a nuclear strike. is there anything else, besides your children, such as assets that your bil thinks should be 'kept in the family' that he would want to control? was your husband the eldest son or is your bil the eldest son? what would happen if your inlaws join with your bil to exert control? even if there aren't significant assets, it would also be wise to sit down with a financial adviser--you'd be surprised at how stupid people get when someone is drawing ss survivor benefits. at the very least, move your bank accounts to a different bank in order to cut down on the possibility of a family member snooping and password protect the girls' and your medical records. all il visits now take place at your house as you see fit, avoid a set schedule in order to decrease the possibility of a grandparent rights case. look at the extended inlaw family--is there anyone in a position to mess in your business?
you got this, mama bear.
|
nta if your bil was concerned he should have helped you, not criticise. actions have consequences and unfortunately your bil is going to learn this the hard way.
|
mmm info: what were the small issues?
|
he’s being predatory. you could probably get a restraining order if it comes to that. nta
|
info: what did cps say you needed to work on?
|
nta
first, i am truly sorry for your loss.
second, omg! the audacity and entitlement your bil is showing is absolutely mind-boggling. you and your children are grieving right now, and you are also having to shift to being a single, working mom. i have no idea the mental gymnastics your bil 8s going through to think that ripping your girls away from their remaining parent to go live with their aunt and uncle is a good idea.
after filing a false report to cps, slandering you to do so, and then acting as if you are the selfish and spiteful one when you make the rational decision to stop any and all contact he has with your children, he absolutely does not deserve to be anywhere near your children.
i would also recommend you consult with a lawyer, in case your bil decides to try again to steal your children from you. based on the response from your in-laws and bil, i wouldn't be surprised if he tried something else toward that end.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f33 lost my husband in an accident and he passed away shortly after he arrived at the hospital we have two girls who are 9 and 5 and it's been very devastating and very difficult to be taking care of them while going through these tough times. my mom would help a lot and i'm so thankful for that. my in-laws have been keeping to themselves but my brother in law would visit often to see the girls. he has always wanted kids on his own but hasn't been able to because his wife has medical issues. he treats my girls well. and has been generous but treats me poorly and makes comments and criticizes my parenting often. he implied he wanted to be their guardian but i told him no. he started demanding i bring the girls over to my in-laws house. and would get upset when i tell him i have work. he'd claim i'm clearly not taking care of the girls and don't fit to be a single parent. we got into a huge argument after i told him i no longer will be welcoming him into my house because of his behavior. and he the reported me to cps after i refused to let him into my house. he claimed that i'm not taking good care of my girls needs/refusing to let them see their grandparents/being busy with work and other things i don't know about. i had to deal with cps once then after they did a surprise visit and thank goodness it went well although i was told to deal with some issues that are normal in every family. i told my in-laws about what my brother in law did but didn't do anything. his wife was the one who told me eventually. it's been over a month now. my inlaws are calling to tell me that i should let my brother see the girls after i told them that only them see my girls. i refused to let him see the girls after what he did and the disrespect he shown but my in-laws are pressuring me saying these are their granddaughters and i have no right to act like this just out of spite. edit to say that the issues i'm dealing with are trying to balance my working hours with the time i spend with the girls. i have my mom either come over or take them to her house so i could pick them up after i get off work. another thing is therapy and my girls are currently in therapy. i'm trying to take it slow but it's just so overwhelming and then to have to deal with my brother in law's behavior is just a lot for me and there isn't anything more i want than to spend time with my girls but i have to work since no one is willing to help with anything. i'm not the person who feels comfortable asking for help so i do all i can. my brother in law says he wants to see the girls because it's been a while since he saw them and he misses them a lot but i don't want him around after what he did. i can't even look at him after this he made my grieve worse and i won't be able to forgive him soon.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f33 lost my husband in an accident and he passed away shortly after he arrived at the hospital we have two girls who are 9 and 5 and it's been very devastating and very difficult to be taking care of them while going through these tough times. my mom would help a lot and i'm so thankful for that. my in-laws have been keeping to themselves but my brother in law would visit often to see the girls. he has always wanted kids on his own but hasn't been able to because his wife has medical issues. he treats my girls well. and has been generous but treats me poorly and makes comments and criticizes my parenting often. he implied he wanted to be their guardian but i told him no. he started demanding i bring the girls over to my in-laws house. and would get upset when i tell him i have work. he'd claim i'm clearly not taking care of the girls and don't fit to be a single parent. we got into a huge argument after i told him i no longer will be welcoming him into my house because of his behavior. and he the reported me to cps after i refused to let him into my house. he claimed that i'm not taking good care of my girls needs/refusing to let them see their grandparents/being busy with work and other things i don't know about. i had to deal with cps once then after they did a surprise visit and thank goodness it went well although i was told to deal with some issues that are normal in every family. i told my in-laws about what my brother in law did but didn't do anything. his wife was the one who told me eventually. it's been over a month now. my inlaws are calling to tell me that i should let my brother see the girls after i told them that only them see my girls. i refused to let him see the girls after what he did and the disrespect he shown but my in-laws are pressuring me saying these are their granddaughters and i have no right to act like this just out of spite. edit to say that the issues i'm dealing with are trying to balance my working hours with the time i spend with the girls. i have my mom either come over or take them to her house so i could pick them up after i get off work. another thing is therapy and my girls are currently in therapy. i'm trying to take it slow but it's just so overwhelming and then to have to deal with my brother in law's behavior is just a lot for me and there isn't anything more i want than to spend time with my girls but i have to work since no one is willing to help with anything. i'm not the person who feels comfortable asking for help so i do all i can. my brother in law says he wants to see the girls because it's been a while since he saw them and he misses them a lot but i don't want him around after what he did. i can't even look at him after this he made my grieve worse and i won't be able to forgive him soon. [/INST] nta he called cps on you! don't listen to anyone, seriously. if he was willing to do something so serious over something so small i wouldn't trust him near my kids, who knows what he will tell them/manipulate them! </s>
|
AITA for calling my husband an awful father because he wanted to leave the house to his bio daughter only?
|
my husband and i have been married for 13 years, he has a daughter alyssa (16f) from a previous relationship and i have my daughter mariah (15f) from a previous too. my husband is the only father my daughter has ever known and until now, he has made no distinction about our children, alyssa's mother is still very involved in her life and she spends half the month with us while my daughter lives with us full time, my fil recently passed away and left him their house (a very nice house), we're actually so excited about this, because we were saving to buy a home for us four and now that we're making plans to move, i told my husband we could use that money to make some renovations for when the kids inherited it so they can sell it and split the money.
he said no, that the house will be his daughter's and that he doesn't feel comfortable leaving it to mariah too when she's not his legal kid and that we could set the money aside for her because the house doesn't need that much work anyway, which is true, but it felt like a low blow. i said it was unfair to leave alyssa a full house and remarked how he was willing to leave it to both when we were gonna buy one and he said that it was because we would've bought it together, so it was only fair. i said he was being an awful father and asked if he was willing to leave one of his children homeless, but he said i was overreacting.
i pointed our how alyssa was getting this house, with some of the money her grandparents already left her, plus my husband's inheritance and her mother's, while mariah only had us both (my fil didn't leave her anything which is okay), he admitted it wasn't fair, but that's just how it is and that we could work to try to make it even as possible. i was flabbergasted so i just took mariah and came to stay with my sister, he called asking to talk but i'm not ready. my sister said i was an ah because mariah is not entitled to my husband's childhood home and it made me think. aita?
| 4,118 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xecavc/aita_for_calling_my_husband_an_awful_father/
|
2022-09-14 20:25:49
|
yta. your daughter is not entitled to his childhood home and your husband was definitely making concessions to make it more fair for her by offering to save up money for her. it is really narcissistic and actually selfish of you to expect your husband to leave his stepdaughter, your daughter, his childhood home from his father, when usually stuff like that goes down the bloodline. i could see being upset if he was trying to exclude her from anything. but he's not. you need to reevaluate your attitude and your way of thinking before you lose a good man.
|
yta.
why would he leave his father’s house to someone that’s not related to them? his daughter is your fil actual granddaughter…it makes more sense for her to inherit over the daughter from your previous relationship.
he’s not a bad father, he’s a logical one. lol.
c’mon now! smh
|
yta
hugely. hes keeping the house in the family. sorry, but your daughter is not his daughter. it's not like he's kicking her to the curb. presumably yall are going to give that money and more to your daughter like he said.
|
yta.
1) you are wrong, wrong, wrong to expect him to do for your child what you and her father can’t or aren’t doing.
2) your husband inherited his father’s house. as such, it is being passed down through his blood line.
3) your husband is not obligated to take from his child to give to yours.
4) your husband is not favoring his child, you are favoring yours.
being a stepparent means offering a child love, respect, patience and understanding. blending a family means being fair. fair does not mean being even.
hubby makes no distinction in the day to day. that is his role. inheritance and legacy is completely different. if you continue to try to take from his kid, she will hate you and your daughter.
your husband is taken on a fatherly role but is not your child’s father. it is not his job to replace what you have not done for your child.
|
i don’t know if it was right to call your husband names, but i think there are some serious concerns here. you’ve been married since one child was 2 and the other child was 3. presumably you have been working together to provide a joint household for these 13 years and your assets and time and energy have been poured into this family. it’s great that a house essentially fell into your laps while you were working to buy one, but what do you have to show for your 13+ years of effort and what security do you have in this marriage if this is his house and he plans to give it to his daughter once he passes (and you might still be alive???). what kind of equity have you built for yourself if this house is all his? are you going to put your money and energy into this house for 20 more years and still have nothing to show for it? will you be paying taxes on it or insurance? whose money is going to cover repairs and renovations? it seems like it makes the most sense to sell this house and use the original money you saved to buy one together. however you decide to split that home for future inheritance between the two girls will be tricky, but staying in this home that was given to you without giving you any security in it is not wise.
you shouldn’t sink your time and money into a home that is not going to be yours. it may make sense to sell the house and put the proceeds in a trust for his daughter if the intention was for the home to essentially pass from the grandfather to her indirectly. you and your daughter should not be living in that house if your time, money and energy in the house does not provide you any future security.
|
info: is he leaving you with the right to stay in that house after he passes? if not, do not spend one penny of your own money on that house.
|
yta. the house was left to him, it’s 100% up to him what happens with it today or tomorrow.
|
yta where is your daughter’ father? his parents? your parents?
|
info
why hasn’t your husband legally adopted alyssa? was alyssa close to your husband’s father?
|
esh. in a blended family i can't say it's surprising that he feels that the house should go down the biological line, especially if he's offering to setup fund for your daughter separately. at the same time, if this home is going to become your primary residence for your blended family, you haven't mentioned what happens to you if he dies unexpectedly in a few years, or even next year. presumably had you both bought the house together, the mortgage would fall entirely on you, which may or may not have left you in a bad situation. are there contingencies in the will for how long you can remain in the home if he dies?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.032079 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for 13 years, he has a daughter alyssa (16f) from a previous relationship and i have my daughter mariah (15f) from a previous too. my husband is the only father my daughter has ever known and until now, he has made no distinction about our children, alyssa's mother is still very involved in her life and she spends half the month with us while my daughter lives with us full time, my fil recently passed away and left him their house (a very nice house), we're actually so excited about this, because we were saving to buy a home for us four and now that we're making plans to move, i told my husband we could use that money to make some renovations for when the kids inherited it so they can sell it and split the money. he said no, that the house will be his daughter's and that he doesn't feel comfortable leaving it to mariah too when she's not his legal kid and that we could set the money aside for her because the house doesn't need that much work anyway, which is true, but it felt like a low blow. i said it was unfair to leave alyssa a full house and remarked how he was willing to leave it to both when we were gonna buy one and he said that it was because we would've bought it together, so it was only fair. i said he was being an awful father and asked if he was willing to leave one of his children homeless, but he said i was overreacting. i pointed our how alyssa was getting this house, with some of the money her grandparents already left her, plus my husband's inheritance and her mother's, while mariah only had us both (my fil didn't leave her anything which is okay), he admitted it wasn't fair, but that's just how it is and that we could work to try to make it even as possible. i was flabbergasted so i just took mariah and came to stay with my sister, he called asking to talk but i'm not ready. my sister said i was an ah because mariah is not entitled to my husband's childhood home and it made me think. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been married for 13 years, he has a daughter alyssa (16f) from a previous relationship and i have my daughter mariah (15f) from a previous too. my husband is the only father my daughter has ever known and until now, he has made no distinction about our children, alyssa's mother is still very involved in her life and she spends half the month with us while my daughter lives with us full time, my fil recently passed away and left him their house (a very nice house), we're actually so excited about this, because we were saving to buy a home for us four and now that we're making plans to move, i told my husband we could use that money to make some renovations for when the kids inherited it so they can sell it and split the money. he said no, that the house will be his daughter's and that he doesn't feel comfortable leaving it to mariah too when she's not his legal kid and that we could set the money aside for her because the house doesn't need that much work anyway, which is true, but it felt like a low blow. i said it was unfair to leave alyssa a full house and remarked how he was willing to leave it to both when we were gonna buy one and he said that it was because we would've bought it together, so it was only fair. i said he was being an awful father and asked if he was willing to leave one of his children homeless, but he said i was overreacting. i pointed our how alyssa was getting this house, with some of the money her grandparents already left her, plus my husband's inheritance and her mother's, while mariah only had us both (my fil didn't leave her anything which is okay), he admitted it wasn't fair, but that's just how it is and that we could work to try to make it even as possible. i was flabbergasted so i just took mariah and came to stay with my sister, he called asking to talk but i'm not ready. my sister said i was an ah because mariah is not entitled to my husband's childhood home and it made me think. aita? [/INST] yta. your daughter is not entitled to his childhood home and your husband was definitely making concessions to make it more fair for her by offering to save up money for her. it is really narcissistic and actually selfish of you to expect your husband to leave his stepdaughter, your daughter, his childhood home from his father, when usually stuff like that goes down the bloodline. i could see being upset if he was trying to exclude her from anything. but he's not. you need to reevaluate your attitude and your way of thinking before you lose a good man. </s>
|
AITA for calling my girlfriend's parents to see if they knew why she was breaking up with me?
|
i don't even know where to begin with this. i am both a college student and an officer candidate for the us marine corp and i've been away this whole summer. i have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and before i left everything was so great between us. we even talked about starting to look for rings and maybe even a house since i will likely know where my duty station will be following commissioning. i thought we were so in love with each other and i thought about her every minute of every day.
friday i got an email that literally said this: "i hate to do this to you while you are in xx, but while you've been gone i have discovered that i have been unhappy in our relationship for a long time and i don't want to be with you anymore. i have packed up your stuff and will drop the box off with *roommate.* after i send this i am blocking you in my contact list and social media so please don't contact me. i expect you to act like a mature adult if we see each other out or on campus and know i do not want to talk with you."
and that was literally it. no explanation, no i hate you, just "i'm not happy, blocked." i tried to call her but she had blocked my number, i tried to call her friends and they too have blocked my number. i called my roommate and he said he didn't know anything and the box was just sitting outside our front door.
i felt like i was dying this weekend. i just needed some sort of answer so i called the number i had from the time we visited her parents. her mom picked up and said something like "this is between you and her, we always really liked you so we don't know what she's thinking but we don't have any answers. i'm sorry." i tried to let that sit but i called back after an hour because it was some sort of link to her. her mom answered again but instantly handed the phone who said (best as i can remember) "look son, you're making a real asshole out of yourself calling us. our daughter isn't stupid and i suggest you do some soul searching to figure out what part you play in this" and he hung up on me. i tried to call back one more time and i guess they too had blocked my number.
i am devastated here and grasping at any straw that might provide some sort of answer. for this sub specifically, was i an asshole like her dad said?
edit fuck this i’m out. got no time for any of this anymore. i’m just out.
edit2: i'm quitting plc today to drive home and figure out what the fuck is going on.
| 3,344 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cgxjbm/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriends_parents_to_see_if/
|
2019-07-23 19:52:52
|
yta for the second call. the first time they said sorry we can't help. what did you expect the second time? for them to cave, choose your side, and spill everything? you were harassing her family. not a good look.
|
yta - she gave you all the explanation you are entitled to
she broke up with you *because she does not want to be with you*. nothing else matters. no other factors are going to make you feel better or change anything. you need to accept that and stop harassing her family for details that aren’t going to change anything.
|
dude, i'm a military wife and i can tell you for certain its so much better to have this happen now then later after you have kids and a real life together. i do think after two years you should get more of an explanation than "i'm not happy" but she is in no way required to give you one.
for the call, yta. end of story. my hs ex boyfriend got his mom to call me after i broke up with him and it was the most awkward phone call i've ever had to take. that's what you just did to her parents.
|
ask her friends, not her family. oddly,she did this in an orderly, military manner. but calling her parents was odd.
my experience (61 years): she discovered what like was like without you and she preferred it. i have seen this when the male was controlling/manipulative/smothering. when you were there, she thought it was normal and you were always there. that would explain why she went dark on you. she doesn't want to you to manipulate her back into the situation.
i'm not saying you are controlling/manipulative. i'm saying that's when i have seen this behavior. it may just be that she decided she doesn't want to settle down or be a military wife. college is for fun.
|
yta. you're not entitled to an explanation as to why she is breaking up with you. her parents probably feel harassed; further, they may not have any additional information for you. i know it doesn't feel like you're being ta here, but you need to respect her and her family's wishes and leave her alone.
|
yta - dude, i'm really sorry you're going through this right now, but calling your exes parents for answers is absolutely not the right move. calling them repeatedly after they told you they had no answers for you and asked you to stop is harassment. i get that it's tough, but this is absolutely the wrong way to go and is going to land you in trouble if you continue. write her a letter, get some therapy, focus on yourself. at the end of the day she doesn't owe you an explanation, and her parents even less so.
|
yta, never call the parents. oof man. ~~i feel for you but t~~hat's really cringey.
after reading your comments, wow. no wonder she left you. thank goodness she came to her senses, you're incredibly entitled, sexist, and controlling. yikes.
|
yta. she didn't give you a reason because she didn't want an argument. why do you need the reason? so you can convince her to take you back? she's trying to avoid all that. like others have said, you're lucky to have found this out before you got married.
|
yta, and it's pretty clear that you have some abusive / manipulative tendencies that you may not even be aware of.
people don't ghost like that without a good reason. furthermore, when you called the second time, and (her dad?) picked up, it was clear that mom was just being nice the first time around, but her dad acutely thinks you're a piece of shit, but didn't want to betray his daughter by revealing her (sound) reasoning.
|
yta - sorry man - people change - stuff happens - quit harassing her parents
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't even know where to begin with this. i am both a college student and an officer candidate for the us marine corp and i've been away this whole summer. i have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and before i left everything was so great between us. we even talked about starting to look for rings and maybe even a house since i will likely know where my duty station will be following commissioning. i thought we were so in love with each other and i thought about her every minute of every day. friday i got an email that literally said this: "i hate to do this to you while you are in xx, but while you've been gone i have discovered that i have been unhappy in our relationship for a long time and i don't want to be with you anymore. i have packed up your stuff and will drop the box off with *roommate.* after i send this i am blocking you in my contact list and social media so please don't contact me. i expect you to act like a mature adult if we see each other out or on campus and know i do not want to talk with you." and that was literally it. no explanation, no i hate you, just "i'm not happy, blocked." i tried to call her but she had blocked my number, i tried to call her friends and they too have blocked my number. i called my roommate and he said he didn't know anything and the box was just sitting outside our front door. i felt like i was dying this weekend. i just needed some sort of answer so i called the number i had from the time we visited her parents. her mom picked up and said something like "this is between you and her, we always really liked you so we don't know what she's thinking but we don't have any answers. i'm sorry." i tried to let that sit but i called back after an hour because it was some sort of link to her. her mom answered again but instantly handed the phone who said (best as i can remember) "look son, you're making a real asshole out of yourself calling us. our daughter isn't stupid and i suggest you do some soul searching to figure out what part you play in this" and he hung up on me. i tried to call back one more time and i guess they too had blocked my number. i am devastated here and grasping at any straw that might provide some sort of answer. for this sub specifically, was i an asshole like her dad said? edit fuck this i’m out. got no time for any of this anymore. i’m just out. edit2: i'm quitting plc today to drive home and figure out what the fuck is going on.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't even know where to begin with this. i am both a college student and an officer candidate for the us marine corp and i've been away this whole summer. i have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and before i left everything was so great between us. we even talked about starting to look for rings and maybe even a house since i will likely know where my duty station will be following commissioning. i thought we were so in love with each other and i thought about her every minute of every day. friday i got an email that literally said this: "i hate to do this to you while you are in xx, but while you've been gone i have discovered that i have been unhappy in our relationship for a long time and i don't want to be with you anymore. i have packed up your stuff and will drop the box off with *roommate.* after i send this i am blocking you in my contact list and social media so please don't contact me. i expect you to act like a mature adult if we see each other out or on campus and know i do not want to talk with you." and that was literally it. no explanation, no i hate you, just "i'm not happy, blocked." i tried to call her but she had blocked my number, i tried to call her friends and they too have blocked my number. i called my roommate and he said he didn't know anything and the box was just sitting outside our front door. i felt like i was dying this weekend. i just needed some sort of answer so i called the number i had from the time we visited her parents. her mom picked up and said something like "this is between you and her, we always really liked you so we don't know what she's thinking but we don't have any answers. i'm sorry." i tried to let that sit but i called back after an hour because it was some sort of link to her. her mom answered again but instantly handed the phone who said (best as i can remember) "look son, you're making a real asshole out of yourself calling us. our daughter isn't stupid and i suggest you do some soul searching to figure out what part you play in this" and he hung up on me. i tried to call back one more time and i guess they too had blocked my number. i am devastated here and grasping at any straw that might provide some sort of answer. for this sub specifically, was i an asshole like her dad said? edit fuck this i’m out. got no time for any of this anymore. i’m just out. edit2: i'm quitting plc today to drive home and figure out what the fuck is going on. [/INST] yta for the second call. the first time they said sorry we can't help. what did you expect the second time? for them to cave, choose your side, and spill everything? you were harassing her family. not a good look. </s>
|
AITA for being upset my family can’t come to my sons wedding because of DILs friends.
|
i made a reddit just to post here. my daughter told me about this place and everyone keeps saying i’m an asshole. i’m 55, my dil is 24 and my son is 26
my son has been with his fiancé for 6 years. they have a 4 year old child together. i like his fiancé, but she’s not around our family much. she works a lot and has a group of friends she always has plans with, so when our son comes to visit he’s alone.
my son and his wife had booked their wedding pre- carona for march this upcoming year. we’d hoped things would be better by now but we finally accepted reality that the wedding we wanted will have to be canceled. my son and his fiancé will still be getting married that day, the date is significant to them, but they can only do a very small group of people to be there. we were told for the outside space it can only be 20 guests.
my son has me, his father/my husband, his sister, his brother and his wife attending, and his two best friends. that’s 7 people.
she has her parents, her brother and his girlfriend, and her grandmother for family. and her five best friends. that’s 10.
add them all together and it’s exactly 20 including the bride, groom and their son. but since she has 10 people for her side coming i want her to give up two of those spots for my mom and dad. she said no. she said that it was non negotiable, that those five friends have been there for her since she was 12 and she was having them be there. i think this is ridiculous, and told her she always prioritizing these friends over everyone else. she said they are her family, and that they have been there more for her, my son, and my grandson then my husband and i ever have.
i told my son that this upset me. he said that they were his friends too now and that even if they weren’t, this was a battle i would not win. that his fiancé stated very very early on in their relationship that her friends would never not be there for these kind of things. they met my grandson before i did, they threw her baby shower, they were there for his first birthday while we had to wait for weeks. i’m tired of coming in second to this group of people. i don’t want any of them there.
i told my son i would not be coming. he said that he understood, and said they wouldn’t fill my spot just in case. my daughter is saying i shouldn’t have an opinion since it’s not my wedding and i didn’t pay for it. but i think our family is getting cheated again by her friends.
update to add- please stop. i’m sorry i understand i am the asshole please stop sending me death threats. this isn’t worth it.
| 5,221 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kawf14/aita_for_being_upset_my_family_cant_come_to_my/
|
2020-12-11 05:15:00
|
yta, sorry but you don't get to dictate who your son and dil invite to their wedding. if you see little of your dil now, i think it will be even less going forward. you turned what should be their happy day in a battle of wills, shame on you. your son puts his future wife first, as he should. you come second now. accept your place in his life or lose it alltogether.
|
yta, this isn't your celebration. it shouldn't be "the party we wanted" but they party they want.
sure, you're his parents. cool, all fine and dandy. but you are not hosting this party, this isn't your day. who gets invited is all up to the bride and groom. sure it can suck not being there for a first birthday party. but that's their life, and it isn't and shouldn't be something you can just intrude on.
you also certainly aren't being left out of this party. you were invited, and should respect their decision. i'd say to just put this behind you and try and be there for your son. because he'd probably appreciate you being there on his special day. and not separated just because of some dumb roster of people.
|
yta - it's not your wedding! your opinion doesn't count. your son is fine with it, so make your peace with it.
do you really think those 3 wedding party slots are a figurative hill worth dying on, one that means you don't see your son get married? swallow your pride and be a supportive mother. this is the sort of thing that permanently damages relationships with parents
|
yta - you do realize this is not your wedding? cause... i don't think you do. you are making this day about your own wants instead of those of your son. your son wants *his and his wife's* friends there. it doesn't seem like he has a strong connection to his grandparents and you don't seem to care about who he and his wife want there. it's all a numbers game to you.
i'm not surprised the fiance doesn't visit much. it's clear that you prioritize your own needs over your dil and also your son.
you're not going to the wedding because of this? is this really the hill you want to die on? cause if it is, then you'll never see your own grandchildren because of your entitled attitude and i wouldn't blame your son for cutting off all contact with you.
|
i’m almost positive you’re my mil. like 99% positive. the five best friends and march wedding gave it away. that and you heard about this page from me, not your daughter. i can’t help but feel like you posted this in hopes that i would see this. congratulations, i did.
you’re forgetting to mention that your parents would refuse to wear a mask, as well as live out of state. and that the only reason my grandmother is in attendance is she’s officiating.
also, for those curious, i’m already on justnomil .
|
frankly, i’m amazed that you even have to ask. clearly you’re ta. your son gets 10, she gets 10. you get no say whatsoever. she apparently gets the mil from hell.
|
yta. just from the wording of "the wedding we wanted" surely you mean "they" since it's not your wedding. i'm not sure when it started where people want to vicariously live through their children for these wedding celebrations, and while it could be understandable if you had paid for the wedding it doesn't make it any less gross because it's basically with strings attached.
your son is aso friends with these people. so they aren't some complete random stranger taking place of more "family" people. gee i wonder why she would want the people that she deems important who have been there for important events in her life, for an important event in her life. and unless she's purposely putting you and your husband at arm's length without any previous action on your part, she's not an asshole for setting any boundaries as she and her partner seem fit. is there any truth to the comment that you and your husband have been less supportive or welcoming? because that would be completely reasonable as to why they are going to gravitate to the group of friends that are there for them without strings or any other negative type of behavior.
if this is the hill you're gonna die on, sure but understand you will do damage to your relationship with your son and even more so with your dil and grandson.
|
um, why do you get any say in the guest list? and why are you saying the wedding "we" want? it's the wedding they want, your opinion has nothing to do with it. you probably come in second to thier friends because you try to take over thier events as if they're your own. back off and let them make the decisions they want for thier wedding. yta
|
so, for those wondering, it’s since been confirmed- i am the dil in question. this post was a very passive aggressive way of trying to voice her disdain because she knows this is my favorite sub. i’ve since talked to mil and reiterated what i’m about to relate to you guys-
her parents are out of state in florida. they do not believe in masks. my grandmother is coming to the wedding, but she’s officiating. because of covid, we had to move our wedding to her backyard as well.
she does not like my friends mostly because they are all some form of the lgbt community. if she really felt they were stealing her time with my son, she would ask to see him occasionally. she does not. she specifically will ask my fiancé to come by and see her when he’s on his way home from work and my son is already home with either my friends as they are his babysitters, or myself. her saying she is feeling cheated on here is the first time this has been brought up. my son loves his grandparents, but they never make the effort to see him and whenever i’ve asked if they have plans i get left on read.
fiancé also has been informed of this. op is still invited to the wedding, but we had a giggle at this latest stunt.
|
yta. i just want to examine how’s you’re speaking about this:
> my son and his wife had booked their wedding pre- carona for march this upcoming year. **we’d** hoped things would be better by now but **we** finally accepted reality that the wedding **we** wanted will have to be canceled.
i’m sorry, are you getting married too? are you taking vows as well?
you aren’t getting married, you aren’t paying, and they’re doing what they have to in order to safely get married on their date during a pandemic. you throwing a temper tantrum because she has close friends who will be attending.
i’m gonna take a stab in the dark and say your behavior is one of the reasons she never visits you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i made a reddit just to post here. my daughter told me about this place and everyone keeps saying i’m an asshole. i’m 55, my dil is 24 and my son is 26 my son has been with his fiancé for 6 years. they have a 4 year old child together. i like his fiancé, but she’s not around our family much. she works a lot and has a group of friends she always has plans with, so when our son comes to visit he’s alone. my son and his wife had booked their wedding pre- carona for march this upcoming year. we’d hoped things would be better by now but we finally accepted reality that the wedding we wanted will have to be canceled. my son and his fiancé will still be getting married that day, the date is significant to them, but they can only do a very small group of people to be there. we were told for the outside space it can only be 20 guests. my son has me, his father/my husband, his sister, his brother and his wife attending, and his two best friends. that’s 7 people. she has her parents, her brother and his girlfriend, and her grandmother for family. and her five best friends. that’s 10. add them all together and it’s exactly 20 including the bride, groom and their son. but since she has 10 people for her side coming i want her to give up two of those spots for my mom and dad. she said no. she said that it was non negotiable, that those five friends have been there for her since she was 12 and she was having them be there. i think this is ridiculous, and told her she always prioritizing these friends over everyone else. she said they are her family, and that they have been there more for her, my son, and my grandson then my husband and i ever have. i told my son that this upset me. he said that they were his friends too now and that even if they weren’t, this was a battle i would not win. that his fiancé stated very very early on in their relationship that her friends would never not be there for these kind of things. they met my grandson before i did, they threw her baby shower, they were there for his first birthday while we had to wait for weeks. i’m tired of coming in second to this group of people. i don’t want any of them there. i told my son i would not be coming. he said that he understood, and said they wouldn’t fill my spot just in case. my daughter is saying i shouldn’t have an opinion since it’s not my wedding and i didn’t pay for it. but i think our family is getting cheated again by her friends. update to add- please stop. i’m sorry i understand i am the asshole please stop sending me death threats. this isn’t worth it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i made a reddit just to post here. my daughter told me about this place and everyone keeps saying i’m an asshole. i’m 55, my dil is 24 and my son is 26 my son has been with his fiancé for 6 years. they have a 4 year old child together. i like his fiancé, but she’s not around our family much. she works a lot and has a group of friends she always has plans with, so when our son comes to visit he’s alone. my son and his wife had booked their wedding pre- carona for march this upcoming year. we’d hoped things would be better by now but we finally accepted reality that the wedding we wanted will have to be canceled. my son and his fiancé will still be getting married that day, the date is significant to them, but they can only do a very small group of people to be there. we were told for the outside space it can only be 20 guests. my son has me, his father/my husband, his sister, his brother and his wife attending, and his two best friends. that’s 7 people. she has her parents, her brother and his girlfriend, and her grandmother for family. and her five best friends. that’s 10. add them all together and it’s exactly 20 including the bride, groom and their son. but since she has 10 people for her side coming i want her to give up two of those spots for my mom and dad. she said no. she said that it was non negotiable, that those five friends have been there for her since she was 12 and she was having them be there. i think this is ridiculous, and told her she always prioritizing these friends over everyone else. she said they are her family, and that they have been there more for her, my son, and my grandson then my husband and i ever have. i told my son that this upset me. he said that they were his friends too now and that even if they weren’t, this was a battle i would not win. that his fiancé stated very very early on in their relationship that her friends would never not be there for these kind of things. they met my grandson before i did, they threw her baby shower, they were there for his first birthday while we had to wait for weeks. i’m tired of coming in second to this group of people. i don’t want any of them there. i told my son i would not be coming. he said that he understood, and said they wouldn’t fill my spot just in case. my daughter is saying i shouldn’t have an opinion since it’s not my wedding and i didn’t pay for it. but i think our family is getting cheated again by her friends. update to add- please stop. i’m sorry i understand i am the asshole please stop sending me death threats. this isn’t worth it. [/INST] yta, sorry but you don't get to dictate who your son and dil invite to their wedding. if you see little of your dil now, i think it will be even less going forward. you turned what should be their happy day in a battle of wills, shame on you. your son puts his future wife first, as he should. you come second now. accept your place in his life or lose it alltogether. </s>
|
AITA for not helping my son and his wife with my grandson?
|
necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us.
that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick.
&#x200b;
now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it.
&#x200b;
he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable.
&#x200b;
| 23,731 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9gtj9/aita_for_not_helping_my_son_and_his_wife_with_my/
|
2019-07-05 14:51:30
|
nta. grandparents are not obliged to provide free daycare, and small kids are exhausting. tell your son you love him, and you love his child, and if you were 42 again you'd be happy to help out, but at 59 it's just too much.
|
nta. you gave your reasons. conversation should have ended there. bonus points because the wife can work from home if they absoloutley were against daycare, but choses not to.
and it's poor of a grown man who is married, established in life and presumably planned to have this baby to compare himself to the situation of his then teenage brother, who was a single parent.
|
nta. your son is a grown man with a child, not a 16 year old boy. even your teenage son was able to provide childcare for his baby at a young age, and i would imagine at the time, a worse situation. your grown son is mad he is being told “no”.
|
nta.
also, to your son: " shaming him and his wife on the internet "
we don't know who the fuck you are man. we don't care. your brother had the help of your parents to raise your niece because he needed it. you just want it.
|
nta. 59 is not 42. i can understand keeping your grandbaby occasionally. every day though? kill me now.
maybe offer one day a week. millions of children attend/have attended daycare. he will be just fine.
|
nta, your son and his wife are being rather entitled imo. what went on with your eldest was more a case of helping him help himself, so that he could gain independence and do right by his baby girl. not at *all* like your other sons situation. they are grown, financially and relationship-wise stable. ie they have options, security.
|
nta
&#x200b;
you, helping to raise your own child while he raises his child, is one thing.
&#x200b;
you, helping to raise your grandchild because daddy and mommy can't be bothered to figure it out, is another.
|
nta, it is definitely nowhere near the same situation and he definitely shouldn’t be upset you’re not interested in being a daycare for the foreseeable future.
|
nta
you didn't retire to work a full-time job for free.
tell them straight up that you would be willing to be their backup for days when the daycare is closed but aren't able to be a full-time nanny.
|
at 35 with a family of his own, your son is too old for this 'favorites' bullshit.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us. that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick. &#x200b; now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it. &#x200b; he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable. &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
necessary information: when my oldest son was 16 he got his girlfriend pregnant. after a lot of trouble they made all kinds of promisses and decided they would care for the baby, this led to the girl getting kicked out by her parents and she came to live with us. except that when the baby was born, the girl broke up with my son and went back to her parent's house leaving the baby with us. that was when my husband and i stepped up to help him raise our granddaughter while our son finished his studies and got a job to provide for her. when she was 1 year old he put her on daycare because my husband and i still worked and there was only so much we could do at that point. once he finished college he rented a place to live with her, the help we provided after that was when he needed to go somewhere and couldn't take her with him or when one of them got sick. &#x200b; now, the issue at hand is not with him, it's with his younger brother. he's 35 and married, he and his wife had my grandson last year, he's 10 months now. my daughter-in-law wants to go back to working and while she can do her work from home, she prefers to work outside. since i'm retired, my son asked me to take care of my grandson while they work. i asked him for how long he needed me to do it, to which my son replied that they didn't had a plan for it. i asked if they had considered daycare and he said that neither he or his wife were comfortable with it. i also suggested they asked his wife's parents and he said that they didn't had time for it. &#x200b; he thought of asking me because i had helped his brother all those years ago and it would "basically be the same thing". i told him that no, it was not. i was 42 then and i'm 59 now, i didn't had the health issues that i do nowadays like back pain and arthritis. also, he was a married man with a wife by his side, not a 16 year old with a baby. i would be willing to help them for a short period of time but it seems like they have no plans beyond leaving the baby with me. now he thinks i'm playing favorites and that i'm pressuring him and his wife to comply with my demands but i think i'm just being reasonable. &#x200b; [/INST] nta. grandparents are not obliged to provide free daycare, and small kids are exhausting. tell your son you love him, and you love his child, and if you were 42 again you'd be happy to help out, but at 59 it's just too much. </s>
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend I’m not okay with her paying for skin removal surgery
|
my girlfriend weighed about 274 pounds at the end of her pregnancy with our daughter, and then lost a bunch of weight almost 120 pounds since she’s been born. she’s worked her ass off and i’m so proud of her, but she’s really insecure about loose skin.
she had a consultation with a surgeon, and to remove the skin it is going to be thousands of dollars that she’s going to have to pay out of pocket.
when she told me this, i told her that i’m not okay with this. it’s a lot of money, and even though we both have a hefty savings, i don’t think it’s smart to drop that much money at once.
she got a bit frustrated, and said that she feels extremely insecure and this is the only thing that will make her feel better about herself, and if i’m that worried then she can arrange paying the money back in installments.
i told her it’s not a good idea financially and that’s my final say, and if she decides to go through with the surgery then i’m going to be upset. now she’s angry and has been nonstop crying and i feel pretty bad but i feel like i’m being reasonable. she thinks i’m being an asshole
| 4,674 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j46y32/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_im_not_okay_with/
|
2020-10-03 01:18:49
|
yta. loose skin isn’t just unattractive, it’s painful. you sound like your just worried about her leaving you once she has the procedure done. and with your attitude, you should be.
|
yta - so just let me get this straight- she carried your daughter, worked her butt off to lose 120 freaking pounds, and wants to spend her personal money to feel more comfortable in her personal postpartum body, but somehow it’s your final say and you refuse to **permit** her to spend her money on her surgery because “if an emergency happened she wouldn’t have savings”????
this is genuinely horrifying
|
yta, " and that’s my final say "?? that's fucked up. it's her body and you don't own her.
|
yta.
she doesn’t want you to pay, she has her own money.
who the hell are you to control what she can or cannot do with her money or her body?
not only are you ta, youre a misogynist who thinks he knows better than a woman how she should spend her money.
>that’s my final say
you don’t get a say, you ah.
if you had to have elective surgery to repair your penis after having a baby, would you be okay with her telling you not to spend your money on fixing up your penis?
|
yta this affects her mental health heavily and if she’s using her savings not yours than it’s not your say
|
yta..how do you feel you are being reasonable?? did you give her any compromises so that she can get what she wants that suits your concerns? and that so far is to put it lightly....worst off is that you are the boyfriend...not husband. you can't control what someone else does with their bodies...jeepers.
|
yta. she had your baby. you're a team, and she *needs* your support. paying it off in installments is a good idea.
how would you feel if you needed several thousand dollars worth of dental surgery to save your teeth, but she refused to "allow" it?
|
yta,
if she honestly hates the loose skin so much that it's having a big impact on her mental health, this is necessary.. not just cosmetic.
you both have plenty of money saved up.. why don't you show her that you value her and her mental health, and support her.
also.. chip in for some of the cost(?).
|
yta- what world do we live in where a man has to “allow” his girlfriend to do what she wants with her body and her money? it’s her money and her body. you can’t be serious.
|
yta. you’re putting a bank balance above her quality of life. that’s just not right. she’s amazing for losing that much weight, and the body doesn’t reabsorb that much skin. it’s uncomfortable, it chafes, it can get sores and infections. it’s awful. and you’d rather put her through that (plus the emotional side) because you want to be smaug and sit on (her, not even your) gold.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend weighed about 274 pounds at the end of her pregnancy with our daughter, and then lost a bunch of weight almost 120 pounds since she’s been born. she’s worked her ass off and i’m so proud of her, but she’s really insecure about loose skin. she had a consultation with a surgeon, and to remove the skin it is going to be thousands of dollars that she’s going to have to pay out of pocket. when she told me this, i told her that i’m not okay with this. it’s a lot of money, and even though we both have a hefty savings, i don’t think it’s smart to drop that much money at once. she got a bit frustrated, and said that she feels extremely insecure and this is the only thing that will make her feel better about herself, and if i’m that worried then she can arrange paying the money back in installments. i told her it’s not a good idea financially and that’s my final say, and if she decides to go through with the surgery then i’m going to be upset. now she’s angry and has been nonstop crying and i feel pretty bad but i feel like i’m being reasonable. she thinks i’m being an asshole
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend weighed about 274 pounds at the end of her pregnancy with our daughter, and then lost a bunch of weight almost 120 pounds since she’s been born. she’s worked her ass off and i’m so proud of her, but she’s really insecure about loose skin. she had a consultation with a surgeon, and to remove the skin it is going to be thousands of dollars that she’s going to have to pay out of pocket. when she told me this, i told her that i’m not okay with this. it’s a lot of money, and even though we both have a hefty savings, i don’t think it’s smart to drop that much money at once. she got a bit frustrated, and said that she feels extremely insecure and this is the only thing that will make her feel better about herself, and if i’m that worried then she can arrange paying the money back in installments. i told her it’s not a good idea financially and that’s my final say, and if she decides to go through with the surgery then i’m going to be upset. now she’s angry and has been nonstop crying and i feel pretty bad but i feel like i’m being reasonable. she thinks i’m being an asshole [/INST] yta. loose skin isn’t just unattractive, it’s painful. you sound like your just worried about her leaving you once she has the procedure done. and with your attitude, you should be. </s>
|
AITA for going off on my wife for buying a new mattress for both of us, even though she exclusively used her own money?
|
my wife and i (28m and 26f) have been married for over two years now. we both have promising careers but neither of us are making a ton of money yet; we've been largely living paycheck to paycheck since we got together.
we've been sleeping on a way too old mattress and box spring since we got married that she inherited from some family member, and we've both been complaining about it. my side in particular has had a bad spring which was constantly digging into my side or lower back. we've both been researching mattresses and have agreed that we need to buy something new and better as soon as we are able.
so, anyway, a couple of weeks ago i went back home to attend my cousin's wedding. my wife wasn't able to go because she couldn't get off work. when i got home my wife told me to go look in the bedroom. when i went i saw a new mattress on top of a new adjustable frame. it was wrapped in a red ribbon. my wife followed me in and said "ta da!" when i asked her what was going on she told me that she had been slowly socking away money from her paychecks to buy a new bed, and that she had gone ahead and bought a nice, new, hybrid mattress with an adjustable frame so that we could watch tv in bed together. she seemed really excited about it.
i, however, wasn't happy. i told her that a mattress was a major purpose and that we should have decided it together to make sure that it was something that we both liked. she said that she was really disappointed in my response and that she'd wanted to surprise me by saving up her own money and buying something nice that we needed, and that she'd thought i'd be happy. she said that surely the new bed was better than the old and that i should just be grateful to be sleeping on something better since i didn't have to put any money in. but i think it was a major purchase and she should have talked to me first, even if she did use her own money.
| 4,831 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uc90e9/aita_for_going_off_on_my_wife_for_buying_a_new/
|
2022-04-26 10:00:57
|
yta. you've been complaining about the old mattress and now you're complaining about the new one. what else do you want to control?
|
you had me until "she used her own money". in that case, since the mattress is clearly an upgrade from the old one, you're telling her that her gift to you two was inconsiderate because, had you chosen it, you may have chosen differently. yta
|
yta, she used her money that she saved up because she saw you in discomfort and this is how you thank her? i bet that ticket to your home country cost more than that mattress.
|
yta. i did something like that, very similar situation. i was so excited to see how happy my first husband would have been. the reaction was the same. that was the last time i did anything.
my second husband and i just celebrated 17 years.
in the beginning many times women treat their partners how they want to be treated. in the end, they treat them how they are treated.
|
info: when you were researching mattresses together did you share enough information with her that she would know what kind of mattress you would be physically comfortable sleeping on and did she select that type of bed? (i feel like if you’d already settled on that type of bed then she actually did a nice thing for you and you should chill about it, but if she picked one she liked without considering your physical comfort at all, you have a right to be upset.)
|
i will probably get downvoted but i’d go with nah. she did a really nice thing. had it been a coffee maker or a dinner table, making it a surprise would have been fine. since it’s a bed that you share, i can totally understand the reaction. picking a comfortable mattress for yourself is difficult. doing it for someone else borderlines on impossible. yeah, you got an “upgrade” but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not going to hurt your back.
|
yta&#10;
&#10;
just because it's a "major purchase," doesn't mean you need to discuss it. your wife made sure that it wouldn't impact your finances in the future by saving up for it and buying it in cash. you didn't seem to notice what she was socking away, so it wasn't impacting you or your family finances.&#10;
&#10;
your wife did you both a solid. i can't tell you how to feel, so i can't say you should feel grateful. but your behavior is crappy and controlling, and you seem to want to be a victim. don't do that.
|
nah. on the money side, she did a very nice thing, and you should be appreciate that. but as someone who is on our 3rd mattress in as many years, you needed to try out the mattress yourself first! there are so many different types available now and they can be very different. what my husband thinks is comfortable, i do not. while i know she meant well, it was all a loss if she bought something that you can't get a good nights sleep on. hopefully she bought something that you had previously tried out and were considering.
for those that still don't get it, it's like someone else buying you a pair of shoes that you never tried on. just because it's in your size doesn't mean it will fit.
|
yta, i feel sorry for your wife.
|
going to go against the grain and say nah. she wanted to do a nice thing as a surprise and she used her own money so she's nta. however, she got something for you that you will use every night for potentially 5-10 years. when making a purchase like that it's reasonable to want to have your own input and preferences. what if the mattress isn't good for you? you shouldn't be expected to keep using it just because it was a gift, and returning a mattress is a lot of hassle.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.207934 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i (28m and 26f) have been married for over two years now. we both have promising careers but neither of us are making a ton of money yet; we've been largely living paycheck to paycheck since we got together. we've been sleeping on a way too old mattress and box spring since we got married that she inherited from some family member, and we've both been complaining about it. my side in particular has had a bad spring which was constantly digging into my side or lower back. we've both been researching mattresses and have agreed that we need to buy something new and better as soon as we are able. so, anyway, a couple of weeks ago i went back home to attend my cousin's wedding. my wife wasn't able to go because she couldn't get off work. when i got home my wife told me to go look in the bedroom. when i went i saw a new mattress on top of a new adjustable frame. it was wrapped in a red ribbon. my wife followed me in and said "ta da!" when i asked her what was going on she told me that she had been slowly socking away money from her paychecks to buy a new bed, and that she had gone ahead and bought a nice, new, hybrid mattress with an adjustable frame so that we could watch tv in bed together. she seemed really excited about it. i, however, wasn't happy. i told her that a mattress was a major purpose and that we should have decided it together to make sure that it was something that we both liked. she said that she was really disappointed in my response and that she'd wanted to surprise me by saving up her own money and buying something nice that we needed, and that she'd thought i'd be happy. she said that surely the new bed was better than the old and that i should just be grateful to be sleeping on something better since i didn't have to put any money in. but i think it was a major purchase and she should have talked to me first, even if she did use her own money.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i (28m and 26f) have been married for over two years now. we both have promising careers but neither of us are making a ton of money yet; we've been largely living paycheck to paycheck since we got together. we've been sleeping on a way too old mattress and box spring since we got married that she inherited from some family member, and we've both been complaining about it. my side in particular has had a bad spring which was constantly digging into my side or lower back. we've both been researching mattresses and have agreed that we need to buy something new and better as soon as we are able. so, anyway, a couple of weeks ago i went back home to attend my cousin's wedding. my wife wasn't able to go because she couldn't get off work. when i got home my wife told me to go look in the bedroom. when i went i saw a new mattress on top of a new adjustable frame. it was wrapped in a red ribbon. my wife followed me in and said "ta da!" when i asked her what was going on she told me that she had been slowly socking away money from her paychecks to buy a new bed, and that she had gone ahead and bought a nice, new, hybrid mattress with an adjustable frame so that we could watch tv in bed together. she seemed really excited about it. i, however, wasn't happy. i told her that a mattress was a major purpose and that we should have decided it together to make sure that it was something that we both liked. she said that she was really disappointed in my response and that she'd wanted to surprise me by saving up her own money and buying something nice that we needed, and that she'd thought i'd be happy. she said that surely the new bed was better than the old and that i should just be grateful to be sleeping on something better since i didn't have to put any money in. but i think it was a major purchase and she should have talked to me first, even if she did use her own money. [/INST] yta. you've been complaining about the old mattress and now you're complaining about the new one. what else do you want to control? </s>
|
AITA for making my boyfriend wash his face under a sink?
|
so my boyfriend was abused as a child and he has a big fear of putting his face near sinks because his mom used to semi drown him as punishment by putting his head under the kitchen sink. i’m a big believer of washing your face twice a day and while he does wash it in the shower, that means he only washes his face once per day and he breaks out often because of it. i told him today that he has to start washing his face in the sink and that he can just splash water on it to make it easier. he rejected and said he wouldn’t do it at all. i told him that i wouldn’t be going to get groceries with him if he didn’t because i think his fear needs to be dealt with once and for all because im sure we’re both tired of it. he got really upset and told me to leave for a bit and so i did. he was really rude about it and it hurt. i told my sister and she said i’m the asshole in this but i genuinely did it out of love and want for him to get over his fears. aita?
| 6,740 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwgc2l/aita_for_making_my_boyfriend_wash_his_face_under/
|
2020-06-04 12:16:56
|
yta.
unless you’re a fully certified therapist, it’s not your job to use exposure therapy to try to help your bf get over his issues.
more so: why the fuck do you care that he’s only washing his face once a day in the shower? why do you think you’re right about needing to wash it twice a day?
|
yta - no, you didn’t do it out of love, you did it because you are controlling and because you think your way to do things is the only acceptable way. hint: i wash my face once a day, in the shower, and have zero issue with acne. his breakouts have less to do with his face washing regimen than with the stress of living with a controlling asshole who doesn’t give a shit about his mental health.
you’re basically being his mom all over again, only with social leverage instead of physical force.
|
yta. you don’t get to tell him how to deal with his trauma. this is something therapy can help with but not something you should be forcing on him. he already washes his face in the shower. you seem pretty controlling and you should definitely apologize and back off.
|
[deleted]
|
yta also why can’t he run the shower and wash his face without fully getting into it, the same way he would under a sink. also, i doubt his face is breaking out because it’s being washed once a day.
|
yta. why do you feel like you have to dictate his skincare routine? and also how he deals with his childhood trauma? it is all his to deal with, and absolutely not your place to give him ultimatums like that. there are plenty of other ways to wash your face, like washing with a washcloth or disposable pieces of coton. and being forced into a something that triggers trauma isn't how you get over trauma, it adds to the trauma. the will to expose himself to the trigger has to come from him, if it ever does.
|
yta. you are so ta. like wtf. are you his psych? actually how dare you have threatened him like that. hope he sees the light and moves on from you.
|
yta. he can wipe his face with those makeup remover wipes if he’s breaking out, or stand in the shower and just go for a rinse a second time. why is it so important to you that he uses a sink?
|
yta and i hope he sees the massive 🚩 you just waved. hopefully one day he'll find someone who loves him for him, helps him with his trauma instead of belittling, and isnt fucking weird about face-washing rituals!
|
are you a therapist dermatologist? specifically trained in helping people get over their childhood fears while simultaneously specializing in conditions of the skin? no? then you shouldn't presume to know more than he does about what he needs to do in this situation and it's incredibly inappropriate for you to not only diagnose him but then try to force him to do your recommended treatments. i'm not even going to ask what getting groceries has to do with any of this, but clearly yta here.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my boyfriend was abused as a child and he has a big fear of putting his face near sinks because his mom used to semi drown him as punishment by putting his head under the kitchen sink. i’m a big believer of washing your face twice a day and while he does wash it in the shower, that means he only washes his face once per day and he breaks out often because of it. i told him today that he has to start washing his face in the sink and that he can just splash water on it to make it easier. he rejected and said he wouldn’t do it at all. i told him that i wouldn’t be going to get groceries with him if he didn’t because i think his fear needs to be dealt with once and for all because im sure we’re both tired of it. he got really upset and told me to leave for a bit and so i did. he was really rude about it and it hurt. i told my sister and she said i’m the asshole in this but i genuinely did it out of love and want for him to get over his fears. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my boyfriend was abused as a child and he has a big fear of putting his face near sinks because his mom used to semi drown him as punishment by putting his head under the kitchen sink. i’m a big believer of washing your face twice a day and while he does wash it in the shower, that means he only washes his face once per day and he breaks out often because of it. i told him today that he has to start washing his face in the sink and that he can just splash water on it to make it easier. he rejected and said he wouldn’t do it at all. i told him that i wouldn’t be going to get groceries with him if he didn’t because i think his fear needs to be dealt with once and for all because im sure we’re both tired of it. he got really upset and told me to leave for a bit and so i did. he was really rude about it and it hurt. i told my sister and she said i’m the asshole in this but i genuinely did it out of love and want for him to get over his fears. aita? [/INST] yta. unless you’re a fully certified therapist, it’s not your job to use exposure therapy to try to help your bf get over his issues. more so: why the fuck do you care that he’s only washing his face once a day in the shower? why do you think you’re right about needing to wash it twice a day? </s>
|
AITA for snapping at a barista after she woke up my sleeping baby twice?
|
the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine.
while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink.
i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here.
aita?
| 11,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h15hvp/aita_for_snapping_at_a_barista_after_she_woke_up/
|
2020-06-11 18:56:07
|
yta.
the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it.
if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business.
|
yta. the barista was doing her job. it doesn’t matter if it was urgent or not -it is her job. if you don’t wanna be around noise for your baby, don’t leave your house and enter a public space where there will be noise.
you did overreact massively.
edit to add: the manager just didn’t want your drama.
edit to add: thanks for the upvotes all <3
|
you're kidding with this, right? you went into a coffee shop and got upset when they were grinding coffee? this is what happens... in a coffee shop. if the things that happen in a coffee shop are too loud for your daughter, don't take her to a coffee shop. you can't expect the world to be put on hold because you arrived. your husband was right, you were being awful and the manager was just trying to keep a customer in these hard times and not risk you doing something worse like blasting them on social media.
yta
|
info
was that your first time in a coffee shop?
|
are you the arse hole for yelling at people doing their job? yeah, you are. your kid is not their responsibility.
|
yta
both for complaining about them doing there job and for not removing your crying baby.
|
yta. i get that you wanted your daughter to keep sleeping, but the barista was literally just doing her job. you went into *her* place of work and got angry that her job involved loud noises? i’m not sure what you expected from a coffee shop, where the main product needs to be ground down.
|
[removed]
|
yta. people don't have to stop doing their actual fucking job to accommodate your special treat and your screaming ass baby.
|
yta. for fuck sake lady the world does not revolve around you and your kid.
it is a coffee house. there is going to be loud noises and chatter.
you being annoyed about this is like being annoyed a mcdonalds play area is too loud.
wtf did you expect?
then to top it off you tattled to the manager about some perceived grievance. the barista was doing her job (which contrary to your misguided belief does not involve or center around coddling your kid).
i am glad your husband at least has the common sense here.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita? [/INST] yta. the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it. if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business. </s>
|
AITA for splitting chores between my daughters equally?
|
i have 2 daughters (sadie 23f & hannah 15f). sadie moved back in with us after she got her college degree, she's not working at the moment and my wife (her stepmom) complained about her not helping out, or at least keeping the house clean. instead, she goes out with friends almost daily, sits chatting or watching netflex for hours. i had a talk with sadie and let her know that it's time to help out, i gave her a list of chores to do and she said "whatever" but i still made sure she does them all.
few days ago, sadie complained about how unfair it is that she has a list of chores to get done while hannah doesn't, i figured that yes, she's right and so, i went ahead and made an equal list of chores for hannah since sadie stopped doing anything til there's some equality achieved in this house. the problem occurred when hannah saw the list, she said it was unfair that she gets an equal list of chores as her sister without keeping in mind that she (hannah) has school, has piano lessons, and homework and therapy appointments, while sadie sits around or hangs out with friends all day then come home being free of homework or school. i told her it's all about equality, i don't care which one has more time to spare. hannah got upset and brought my wife into it. my wife said it's unreasonable to give 2 girls of different ages, different routines and "responsibilities" the same list of chores. i again insisted that i'm trying to establish equality which is the most important thing yet~ my wife said i'm being unfair and requested i give hannah a smaller list but i refused. we began fighting and i flatout told her that just because hannah is her biological daughter, doesn't mean she gets to be favored and coddled. my wife got pissed over my statement and claimed that i was enabling sadie's irresponsible behavior. we went back and forth on this several times til we both blew up at each other. the girls have noticed because of the tension and the house is now basically split into 2 teams.
we still haven't reached an agreement, and my wife is choosing to die on this hill. aita?
| 6,414 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t1bdtb/aita_for_splitting_chores_between_my_daughters/
|
2022-02-25 18:50:52
|
yta. you say you’re trying to establish equality but all you’re doing is punishing hannah for sadie’s laziness. you tell your wife she’s favouring her daughter, what do you think you’re doing. they are not in the same place in life and should not be treated the same.
sadie sounds like a lazy freeloader (whom you’ve likely catered to her whole life hence the attitude) and hannah does work.
|
yta, sadie can get off her ass and clean. and she needs a job asap. hannah had a job. it's called school. your wife is right and this is really shitty parenting on your part. stop enabling sadie by punishing the child that has done nothing wrong.
having chores is one thing but it's pretty obvious that was never required before and id bet money that sadie didn't have any when she was hannahs age.
|
yta.
hannah is the wisest person in your household. it is indeed unfair for her, as a full-time student, to have equal chores with a person who has zero outside responsibilities.
assume each family member gets 8 hours of sleep. from the remaining 16 hours, subtract work, school, commute time and homework. what remains is "free time" and the person with the most free time should be doing the most chores.
sadie has 16 hours a day of free time (except the time she spends looking for a job!). hannah has maybe 2-3 hours free on a weekday and probably 10 on weekends. it is not fair to have a high school student spend the same amount of effort on chores as a post-college freeloader.
|
yta, you say it's about equality, but they're not equal. one is a 23 year old adult living rent free & the other is a15 year old child with plenty of responsibilities already.
|
so hannah, a minor child, is in school full time, plus homework, plus piano lessons. so conservatively let's say 9 hours of her days is spent on responsibilities, and 8 hours for sleep, leaving 7 hours for everything else.
your *adult daughter* doesn't do anything but sit on her ass and surf the internet. so 8 hours for sleep leaves 16 hours of laziness.
how exactly is it fair to split chores evenly?
or maybe hannah can quit school and be a freeloader too, *then* it will be fair?
yta.
|
yta. equality isn't as important as equity. hannah has school & homework, which are very important. not giving as many chores wouldn't be coddling her, it would just be being fair and understanding. the only one being coddled is a grown adult who's complaining that her teenage sister who's still a student isn't expected to do as much as she does.
|
you need equity in your home, not equality. yta
[equity vs equality ](https://onlinepublichealth.gwu.edu/resources/equity-vs-equality/)
|
yta. the youngest has alot going on. your princess isn't doing anything productive. give them both chores. sure. but keep in mind that hannah has school, therapy and piano. she should be doing less chores than the sponge adult child not doing anything
|
yta. hannah is right. hannah is a child and she’s already scheduled all the time. sadie is an adult. not only should she have a choice but she should also be paying rent. when i move back home with my parents after college my job was to grocery shop and cook dinner. my parents gave me the money for it but it was still my job to do. i still have three younger siblings living at home and i had an adult responsibility. i am a mother of two teenage girls. a teenager living at home shouldn’t have the same responsibilities as an adult, period. hannah belongs there. sadie is there out of the kindness of your heart. huge difference. i can’t believe this is even an argument. here you have sadie acting so entitled and then you claim that your wife is treating hannah differently because she’s her biological child. that’s unbelievable on such a low blow. sadie should be required to have a job. you were so worried about fairness you aren’t even thinking about the fact that a 23-year-old is usually graduated from college and living their own life. i was married at 22 when i had my first child at 25. living for free off my parents never even occurred to me at that age. then you take a 15-year-old who is just trying to get her life started. her full-time job at school. what is sadie’s?
|
yta....most of all for throwing the biological kid part...thats a shitty low blow and you know it.
and mighy i point out...equality does not equal fairness.
hannah has a very valid point...it would be fair if sadie had a job maybe....but if one has a few hours of free time and another has all the free time....it makes perfect sense for the one with all the free time to do most(though personally id say all) the work.
id imagine if you where unemyed you would take a
higher share of the household duties..not insist on an even split with your wife while she also works....get my point?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have 2 daughters (sadie 23f & hannah 15f). sadie moved back in with us after she got her college degree, she's not working at the moment and my wife (her stepmom) complained about her not helping out, or at least keeping the house clean. instead, she goes out with friends almost daily, sits chatting or watching netflex for hours. i had a talk with sadie and let her know that it's time to help out, i gave her a list of chores to do and she said "whatever" but i still made sure she does them all. few days ago, sadie complained about how unfair it is that she has a list of chores to get done while hannah doesn't, i figured that yes, she's right and so, i went ahead and made an equal list of chores for hannah since sadie stopped doing anything til there's some equality achieved in this house. the problem occurred when hannah saw the list, she said it was unfair that she gets an equal list of chores as her sister without keeping in mind that she (hannah) has school, has piano lessons, and homework and therapy appointments, while sadie sits around or hangs out with friends all day then come home being free of homework or school. i told her it's all about equality, i don't care which one has more time to spare. hannah got upset and brought my wife into it. my wife said it's unreasonable to give 2 girls of different ages, different routines and "responsibilities" the same list of chores. i again insisted that i'm trying to establish equality which is the most important thing yet~ my wife said i'm being unfair and requested i give hannah a smaller list but i refused. we began fighting and i flatout told her that just because hannah is her biological daughter, doesn't mean she gets to be favored and coddled. my wife got pissed over my statement and claimed that i was enabling sadie's irresponsible behavior. we went back and forth on this several times til we both blew up at each other. the girls have noticed because of the tension and the house is now basically split into 2 teams. we still haven't reached an agreement, and my wife is choosing to die on this hill. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have 2 daughters (sadie 23f & hannah 15f). sadie moved back in with us after she got her college degree, she's not working at the moment and my wife (her stepmom) complained about her not helping out, or at least keeping the house clean. instead, she goes out with friends almost daily, sits chatting or watching netflex for hours. i had a talk with sadie and let her know that it's time to help out, i gave her a list of chores to do and she said "whatever" but i still made sure she does them all. few days ago, sadie complained about how unfair it is that she has a list of chores to get done while hannah doesn't, i figured that yes, she's right and so, i went ahead and made an equal list of chores for hannah since sadie stopped doing anything til there's some equality achieved in this house. the problem occurred when hannah saw the list, she said it was unfair that she gets an equal list of chores as her sister without keeping in mind that she (hannah) has school, has piano lessons, and homework and therapy appointments, while sadie sits around or hangs out with friends all day then come home being free of homework or school. i told her it's all about equality, i don't care which one has more time to spare. hannah got upset and brought my wife into it. my wife said it's unreasonable to give 2 girls of different ages, different routines and "responsibilities" the same list of chores. i again insisted that i'm trying to establish equality which is the most important thing yet~ my wife said i'm being unfair and requested i give hannah a smaller list but i refused. we began fighting and i flatout told her that just because hannah is her biological daughter, doesn't mean she gets to be favored and coddled. my wife got pissed over my statement and claimed that i was enabling sadie's irresponsible behavior. we went back and forth on this several times til we both blew up at each other. the girls have noticed because of the tension and the house is now basically split into 2 teams. we still haven't reached an agreement, and my wife is choosing to die on this hill. aita? [/INST] yta. you say you’re trying to establish equality but all you’re doing is punishing hannah for sadie’s laziness. you tell your wife she’s favouring her daughter, what do you think you’re doing. they are not in the same place in life and should not be treated the same. sadie sounds like a lazy freeloader (whom you’ve likely catered to her whole life hence the attitude) and hannah does work. </s>
|
AITA for lying to my wife about what time the guests arrive because she takes too long to get the food ready?
|
my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time.
last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook.
4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room.
my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go.
after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue.
aita or is she overreacting?
| 11,540 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sqyhoo/aita_for_lying_to_my_wife_about_what_time_the/
|
2022-02-12 18:57:56
|
yta
perhaps the two of you need to switch roles, when entertaining. you do the cooking and time-sensitive stuff. she can greet the guests and entertain while you take care of the finishing touches.
it really doesn't sound as if her timing is that bad. you told her 4, she had the food ready by 5. if you told her 5, the food would have been ready around 6, a reasonable meal time just have a tray of snacks and some drinks for while people settle down - it is a nicer party, anyways, if you aren't rushed to the table the moment you come through the door.
|
info: do you help your wife with preparing for guests (eg, cleaning the house, setting the table, help in the kitchen) or is she doing all the prep herself?
|
yta. if you think she takes too long to put a meal together, what’s stopping you from donning an apron and helping her cook?
|
info: why don’t you do the cooking and she does the cleaning? just swatch rolls.
|
yta why is it up to just your wife to do all the cooking. and your solution to that is instead of helping her, it's to lie about the amount of people so she starts cooking sooner just so you don't have to wait a little to eat.
|
yta maybe help cook if you’re so worried
|
what exactly do you do? you said that you do your part, but what do you do when she's preparing? do you set the table? do you clean the house before the guests arrive? do you set out snacks or drinks for them?
|
so instead of lying to your wife why didn't you help with the food prep?
|
yta
confronting the issue directly would have been the way to go here.
___
why does it take an hour later for you to finish? i don’t think it’s cool to keep them waiting so long.
because there is too much to do i cannot handle it all.
is there anything i can do to assist to make it more on time? could *we* possibly start earlier, would that help?
___
what you did was sneaky; you lied to her to get things to go the way you wanted them to: aka manipulated.
|
yta.
so your little scheme worked this time, but at what cost? your wife is upset and doesn't trust you now. the guests were witness to your domestic issues, and nothing was resolved. "i do my part". what does that mean, exactly? are you helping to prepare the meal beforehand? putting out appetizers and entertaining guests? if you are having a dinner party, very few people expect to walk in the door and walk straight to the table expecting to be served. you sit and chat with your guests a bit- have drinks, etc. before the meal. it's not a restaurant. an hour is too long to wait, but knowing that this is a routine issue means you need to have a conversation and come up with solutions as a couple, not manipulate one another or say "not my job".
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.027063 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time. last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook. 4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room. my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go. after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue. aita or is she overreacting?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has a huge struggle with time management, whenever we have guests over, they always end up waiting for too long for food to be ready. her argument is that she is struggling because there's just so much to do all at the same time. i'm the complete opposite...i get all chores done on time and never had an issue with having so much to do at the same time. last week we were having some guests over, she wanted to prepare few dishes and asked when exactly will the guests be arriving. i lied to her, instead of saying 5 i said 4. she got into the kitchen earlier and started preparing to cook. 4 rolled around and she asked why the guests hadn't arrived yet, i kept stalling saying maybe there wad traffic or something. my wife began questioning the fact that they were even coming but at 5 they arrived. we welcomed them, food got served on time, had more time to talk and hang out in the living room. my wife then asked one of the guests what made them arrive an hour later, he said that they were meant to arrive at the time they agreed upon which was 5 and told her that i knew that. i felt absolutely awful but i kept my cool and tried to change the sunject though from the looks my wife gave me, she wasn't going to let it go. after they left, she confronted me and i admitted lying to her about the time of the arrival so she could be ready on time to serve the food and also, since it was not cool to keep them waiting like she did in the past. she said i was unbelievable and that i never should of lied but i said i felt frustrated with this whole thing that wouldn't get fixed. she said if i don't like it then i should do it but i said i already do my part and never complain. she said that i insulted her and lied to and made her feel like she's a terrible host then stormed off. i tried talking to her about it again but she told me off calling what i did sneaky and offending to her efforts when i was just trying to figure out a fix for this issue. aita or is she overreacting? [/INST] yta perhaps the two of you need to switch roles, when entertaining. you do the cooking and time-sensitive stuff. she can greet the guests and entertain while you take care of the finishing touches. it really doesn't sound as if her timing is that bad. you told her 4, she had the food ready by 5. if you told her 5, the food would have been ready around 6, a reasonable meal time just have a tray of snacks and some drinks for while people settle down - it is a nicer party, anyways, if you aren't rushed to the table the moment you come through the door. </s>
|
AITA for giving my older daughter's room to my step daughter?
|
my new wife and i have our own modern day brady bunch - i have 4 children of my own and she had 3. kind of, my children are much older than hers with my 2 oldest having already moved out.
before she moved in and even before we got married i promised her and her kids a lot of things, one of those being a much better home to live in. i promised her kids they would each get their own rooms, something they've never had before.
the time came for them to move in a couple months back and i came to realize i actually needed to make the space. my 2 kids with me still were willing to bunk up for atleast one more year (my daughter here is a senior so she won't be home longer) and all i needed to do was get the clearance to give my oldest kids rooms to my step kids who actually need the space.
i called my older son, he answered and he was ok with me cleaning out the room. my older however was much more trouble. i called her atleast 3 times throughout that day with no answer. i knew she was doing this all on purpose, not to delve too much into the details but her and my wife don't get along - by proxy she's turned on me. at a certain point i was getting too anxious at the idea of dissapointing my new step children, so i just went ahead and cleared both rooms for the kids - givng my older daughter's room to one of my wife's girls.
we went through a period of being a happy new little family - we went by the holidays (my older daughter did not come by for christmas, she chose to spend time with her boyfriend of 5 months over us instead of coming home) smoothly. when come the new year, my older daughter was asking of something from her old room. i have talked to her a little bit between the intertwining months but i admittedly didn't bring up the room thing cause by the time i reached her it didn't seem important, so this was the first time i told her what happened to her old room and how i honestly don't have anything from it anymore.
the girl proceeded to scream and insult me. i told her how i *tried* to reach her during the transition and how *technically* since she's been at school it isn't her space anymore. that's when she threw insults at my wife, which was crossing a major line from my point of view. essentially it pushed me too far aswell, i told her regardless of how she feels about my wife and her family, she's been no better cause for me she's just been a miserable brat ever since my wife came into our lives.
that was the end of it, and it hurt me to say that. i want to understand her issue but i also have to take care of my new kids, so i can't always put her or her siblings first anymore. i have no one else willing to talk to me about thing and still, knowing how she *used* to be and knowing what i said was wrong, i can see how i handled the situation might have been *too* irresponsible.
| 5,787 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rws0pt/aita_for_giving_my_older_daughters_room_to_my/
|
2022-01-05 17:24:00
|
yta. new kids don’t trump old kids. transitions need to be managed. why exactly are you promising your step kids things that take away from your children? what is wrong with you?
|
yta. why did you not at least store her stuff? did you only try to reach her for one day? also, the way you write about being a “happy new family” absolutely sounds like you replaced your kids. even though they’re older, they are still your kids and should be first.
it sounds like you did everything possibly wrong to have your daughter feel like she’s a part of your family, not the least of which was making promises you couldn’t keep and lying. i don’t blame her (or your other kids) for inevitably going no contact with you in the future.
but hey, you have a shiny new family!
|
*"i promised her kids they would each get their own rooms, something they've never had before.*
*the time came for them to move in a couple months back and i came to realize i actually needed to make the space. "*
&#x200b;
yta. you promised them something that didn't exist at the time and decided it should be a later problem. rather than look for larger home space, you essentially erased your daughter's existence. no wonder she didn't want to come home for christmas, she didn't have a home.
|
yta
you could have boxed her stuff.
also, you tried to contact her in one day and got all "nah, i tried". was that the interval between you promising your new kids rooms and actually having them move it? i don't think so. your lack of planning is your problem.
also, you are being nice to your stepchildren at expense of your own kids.
|
yta and i agree with most here. why are you making a senior girl who should have her own space bunk with a younger brother in order to make room for a step kid? that's ridiculous. you never should have promised those kids separate rooms until you talked it over with your other children. as for the daughter, i was on your side in the beginning, thinking she had moved out and had her own place; of course you would want to repurpose the room for a growing family and the daughter can't expect you to leave her room untouched for the rest of her life. but then you mentioned the college thing and makes me wonder if she is 100% moved out or just away at school with the intentioned of coming back on holidays. yea, she was wrong for not returning your calls to figure out these arrangements but really dude. what did you do? throw all her stuff away? you did not plan this situation well and the daughter sees it. she sees how you are shoving your kids (her real siblings) into joined rooms while treating the new family like royalty. get yourself together.
i also have a feeling that the kids weren't as obliging as you are stating. i wonder exactly how much choice they had in the matter.
&#x200b;
editing since every feels the need to correct my sister/brother error. doesn't change the fact of the post but does make it worse.
|
yta this was a conversation you should have had long before you called your children at the 11th hour to clear our their rooms. i’m also shocked that you think your wife’s kids deserve their own rooms but your kids should “bunk up”, including a senior in high school!! super sus of you not to include anyones ages either, i’m sure this looks 100x worse with all the facts.
and i’m saying this as someone who fully believes that rooms rotate once an older child goes off to college. but, your failure to discuss this with your children, and instead to completely change their lives with your new relationship without a proper talk about expectations, and to put the step kids first??
you are not a good father if you cannot advocate fairly for your children, even if that means going against your new wife.
|
info: wait, so you couldn't reach your daughter for 24 hours so you threw out all her stuff?
|
> i told her what happened to her old room and how i honestly don't have anything from it anymore.
wtaf!? why not? aside from all the other reasons why yta, why didn't you keep her stuff?
clearing out a room is one thing, and that's bad enough, but you decided to completely destroy everything in it? presumably mostly childhood possessions? what is wrong with you? what kind of stuff did she have that you've taken it on yourself to dispose of? clothes? photos? toys? school stuff?
|
yta, this happened to me with my father giving my room to my step sister and even though i’m civil with him, i literally still cry when i think about it and it was over ten years ago. i still hate them for throwing away my things.
|
yta. you are overall prioritizing making this blended family happen at the expense of all your children. it's not just your daughter who is out of the house. it's also the younger kids who have to bunk together so their step-siblings have their own rooms, and your cavalier attitude toward your adult children having a space of their own in your home or a private space when they visit.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my new wife and i have our own modern day brady bunch - i have 4 children of my own and she had 3. kind of, my children are much older than hers with my 2 oldest having already moved out. before she moved in and even before we got married i promised her and her kids a lot of things, one of those being a much better home to live in. i promised her kids they would each get their own rooms, something they've never had before. the time came for them to move in a couple months back and i came to realize i actually needed to make the space. my 2 kids with me still were willing to bunk up for atleast one more year (my daughter here is a senior so she won't be home longer) and all i needed to do was get the clearance to give my oldest kids rooms to my step kids who actually need the space. i called my older son, he answered and he was ok with me cleaning out the room. my older however was much more trouble. i called her atleast 3 times throughout that day with no answer. i knew she was doing this all on purpose, not to delve too much into the details but her and my wife don't get along - by proxy she's turned on me. at a certain point i was getting too anxious at the idea of dissapointing my new step children, so i just went ahead and cleared both rooms for the kids - givng my older daughter's room to one of my wife's girls. we went through a period of being a happy new little family - we went by the holidays (my older daughter did not come by for christmas, she chose to spend time with her boyfriend of 5 months over us instead of coming home) smoothly. when come the new year, my older daughter was asking of something from her old room. i have talked to her a little bit between the intertwining months but i admittedly didn't bring up the room thing cause by the time i reached her it didn't seem important, so this was the first time i told her what happened to her old room and how i honestly don't have anything from it anymore. the girl proceeded to scream and insult me. i told her how i *tried* to reach her during the transition and how *technically* since she's been at school it isn't her space anymore. that's when she threw insults at my wife, which was crossing a major line from my point of view. essentially it pushed me too far aswell, i told her regardless of how she feels about my wife and her family, she's been no better cause for me she's just been a miserable brat ever since my wife came into our lives. that was the end of it, and it hurt me to say that. i want to understand her issue but i also have to take care of my new kids, so i can't always put her or her siblings first anymore. i have no one else willing to talk to me about thing and still, knowing how she *used* to be and knowing what i said was wrong, i can see how i handled the situation might have been *too* irresponsible.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my new wife and i have our own modern day brady bunch - i have 4 children of my own and she had 3. kind of, my children are much older than hers with my 2 oldest having already moved out. before she moved in and even before we got married i promised her and her kids a lot of things, one of those being a much better home to live in. i promised her kids they would each get their own rooms, something they've never had before. the time came for them to move in a couple months back and i came to realize i actually needed to make the space. my 2 kids with me still were willing to bunk up for atleast one more year (my daughter here is a senior so she won't be home longer) and all i needed to do was get the clearance to give my oldest kids rooms to my step kids who actually need the space. i called my older son, he answered and he was ok with me cleaning out the room. my older however was much more trouble. i called her atleast 3 times throughout that day with no answer. i knew she was doing this all on purpose, not to delve too much into the details but her and my wife don't get along - by proxy she's turned on me. at a certain point i was getting too anxious at the idea of dissapointing my new step children, so i just went ahead and cleared both rooms for the kids - givng my older daughter's room to one of my wife's girls. we went through a period of being a happy new little family - we went by the holidays (my older daughter did not come by for christmas, she chose to spend time with her boyfriend of 5 months over us instead of coming home) smoothly. when come the new year, my older daughter was asking of something from her old room. i have talked to her a little bit between the intertwining months but i admittedly didn't bring up the room thing cause by the time i reached her it didn't seem important, so this was the first time i told her what happened to her old room and how i honestly don't have anything from it anymore. the girl proceeded to scream and insult me. i told her how i *tried* to reach her during the transition and how *technically* since she's been at school it isn't her space anymore. that's when she threw insults at my wife, which was crossing a major line from my point of view. essentially it pushed me too far aswell, i told her regardless of how she feels about my wife and her family, she's been no better cause for me she's just been a miserable brat ever since my wife came into our lives. that was the end of it, and it hurt me to say that. i want to understand her issue but i also have to take care of my new kids, so i can't always put her or her siblings first anymore. i have no one else willing to talk to me about thing and still, knowing how she *used* to be and knowing what i said was wrong, i can see how i handled the situation might have been *too* irresponsible. [/INST] yta. new kids don’t trump old kids. transitions need to be managed. why exactly are you promising your step kids things that take away from your children? what is wrong with you? </s>
|
AITA for not saying anything when someone called me spoiled and privileged?
|
my husband's best friend "nate" got a new girlfriend "camilla" about half a year ago. she moved to our city recently so she doesn't really have any friends here, but she and i hanged out a couple of times and started to get friendly.
for context: we are all in our twenties, my husband and i both have nice jobs, we own a small flat, play tennis as a hobby (camilla thinks it a rich people sport) and we regularly travel by finding 10€ plane tickets and staying at cheap hostels for ~3 nights at a time.
now to the point: my husband and i were hosting a little get together. nate, camilla and a few of our other friends were invited. at one point, the conversation went to topics like the current level of inflation, how the lockdown effected people and jobs, the housing market, etc and i had something to say too, agreeing with camilla.
camilla cut me off and said something like "haha, no offense, but you are way too much of a spoiled privileged girl to understand things like this. you would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand struggle. i love you, but you never experienced any hardship in your life, haha."
the room went dead silent and nobody said anything. after some awkward silence, i stood up and said: "well, is anybody hungry? shall we eat?" and we never went back to that topic.
camilla messaged me the next day asking me how could i do this to her. nate told her afterwards that i had an abusive father and i fell ill as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had to have multiple life saving surgeries and it took me a month to learn to walk again. camilla is mad at me for not telling these very personal things to her before and making her look terrible to nate's friends. she said that even correcting her at the party would have been better, because then she could've apologized to me in front of everyone, but i took that chance away from her and now she will never make friends here.
honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous and i don't really think i'm an asshole, but it never hurts to ask. maybe i should have gently corrected her after she said that. aita?
| 19,596 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/utnzk1/aita_for_not_saying_anything_when_someone_called/
|
2022-05-20 07:37:03
|
nta
camilla wants a performative friendship. she was trying to meet new people and committed a major faux pas by trying to make herself seem worldly by calling you out in your own home and it backfired on her spectacularly. be cordial, be polite, but move on.
|
nta.
camilla could have avoided all of that by just keeping quiet. she didn't need to weigh in an ignorant opinion like that, and it certainly wasn't going to help her 'make friends' even if it was true. what she said was rude and uncalled for.
this is on her.
|
nta
oh my.
poor camilla. well, not that i have sympathy, but she started to cuss you out because she had assumptions and it backfired right into her face.
you correcting her on the spot would be fruitless. from her attitude she would have just demanded that such information should have been given her much earlier.
|
nta- she's fucking rude!
i loathe 'no offence but' people. it means 'i'm going to insult you to your face but you are pre-warned so you are not allowed to complain about it'.
as it is, you were the perfect hostess and defuse a situation she created. she then had the nerve to tell you off about it the next day?
tell her to fuck off and find her own friends.
|
nta. she probably would've been embarrassed had you corrected her in front of everyone and she would've been mad and called you an ah. it's a no-win situation. that comment makes her ta imo.
|
nta - she decided to be horrible to you in front of everyone because she’s clearly jealous of you. you did exactly the right thing in response - i would keep my distance from this woman from now on.
|
nta. she insulted you by saying you’re spoiled despite not knowing your background and undermined your life experiences. she wanted to talk shit, so she can get shit back at her as a consequence.
|
nta. no one is entitled to personal facts about your life and no one is entitled redemption for their mistakes. life is not zero sum, but impressions are everything.
|
wow!!!
even if someone is spoiled and privileged… wishing tragedy is just a big no !!! wtf?
nta and she should learn how to treat people!
|
nta
she jumped to conclusions and doesn’t have the guts to admit it. she took it too far and now, for some ridiculous reason only known to her, she’s hoping you’ll bail her out.
i think you handled it with so.much.grace and class that you deserve a standing ovation.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband's best friend "nate" got a new girlfriend "camilla" about half a year ago. she moved to our city recently so she doesn't really have any friends here, but she and i hanged out a couple of times and started to get friendly. for context: we are all in our twenties, my husband and i both have nice jobs, we own a small flat, play tennis as a hobby (camilla thinks it a rich people sport) and we regularly travel by finding 10€ plane tickets and staying at cheap hostels for ~3 nights at a time. now to the point: my husband and i were hosting a little get together. nate, camilla and a few of our other friends were invited. at one point, the conversation went to topics like the current level of inflation, how the lockdown effected people and jobs, the housing market, etc and i had something to say too, agreeing with camilla. camilla cut me off and said something like "haha, no offense, but you are way too much of a spoiled privileged girl to understand things like this. you would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand struggle. i love you, but you never experienced any hardship in your life, haha." the room went dead silent and nobody said anything. after some awkward silence, i stood up and said: "well, is anybody hungry? shall we eat?" and we never went back to that topic. camilla messaged me the next day asking me how could i do this to her. nate told her afterwards that i had an abusive father and i fell ill as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had to have multiple life saving surgeries and it took me a month to learn to walk again. camilla is mad at me for not telling these very personal things to her before and making her look terrible to nate's friends. she said that even correcting her at the party would have been better, because then she could've apologized to me in front of everyone, but i took that chance away from her and now she will never make friends here. honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous and i don't really think i'm an asshole, but it never hurts to ask. maybe i should have gently corrected her after she said that. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband's best friend "nate" got a new girlfriend "camilla" about half a year ago. she moved to our city recently so she doesn't really have any friends here, but she and i hanged out a couple of times and started to get friendly. for context: we are all in our twenties, my husband and i both have nice jobs, we own a small flat, play tennis as a hobby (camilla thinks it a rich people sport) and we regularly travel by finding 10€ plane tickets and staying at cheap hostels for ~3 nights at a time. now to the point: my husband and i were hosting a little get together. nate, camilla and a few of our other friends were invited. at one point, the conversation went to topics like the current level of inflation, how the lockdown effected people and jobs, the housing market, etc and i had something to say too, agreeing with camilla. camilla cut me off and said something like "haha, no offense, but you are way too much of a spoiled privileged girl to understand things like this. you would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand struggle. i love you, but you never experienced any hardship in your life, haha." the room went dead silent and nobody said anything. after some awkward silence, i stood up and said: "well, is anybody hungry? shall we eat?" and we never went back to that topic. camilla messaged me the next day asking me how could i do this to her. nate told her afterwards that i had an abusive father and i fell ill as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had to have multiple life saving surgeries and it took me a month to learn to walk again. camilla is mad at me for not telling these very personal things to her before and making her look terrible to nate's friends. she said that even correcting her at the party would have been better, because then she could've apologized to me in front of everyone, but i took that chance away from her and now she will never make friends here. honestly, this whole thing is ridiculous and i don't really think i'm an asshole, but it never hurts to ask. maybe i should have gently corrected her after she said that. aita? [/INST] nta camilla wants a performative friendship. she was trying to meet new people and committed a major faux pas by trying to make herself seem worldly by calling you out in your own home and it backfired on her spectacularly. be cordial, be polite, but move on. </s>
|
AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?
|
hello!
i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest.
the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.
before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university.
they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say.
i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
| 31,842 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vu7te5/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_husband_for_messing/
|
2022-07-08 10:43:20
|
nta
holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately.
|
nta honey, i'll be straight with you: your husband is abusive. he wants to control what you do and does not support your success. please tell your place of study that you missed the exam because you are in an abusive relationship. leave him as soon as it's safe and do not have a baby with this man.
|
nta - he did this totally out of spite knowing it would cause you to be late to your exam. you are right, university doesn't last forever and you will be able to go out and do more fun things when it's over.
might be worth reminding him that it's actually going to be longer until you can do that now that you've missed your exam.
on an unrelated note, if you just simply didn't want to go that should also be fine? he doesn't need you to hold his hand everywhere. he seems disrespectful of your time, your work and your autonomy.
|
he punished you because you didn't obey him. he tried to sabotage your degree (or at least passing a class) worth thousands of dollars... because you didn't obey him. nta, but i would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with a man who feels entitled to do this. i also wouldn't trust him for a long as time, if ever again. set your alarm on your phone and change your passcode so he can't get to it. make sure your bank account is separate.
|
jesus christ, he sabotaged you. how on earth is this your fault? this is actually evil, immature, childish, conniving. you're nta at all. how badly will this affect your grade?
|
i usually hate all of the "get a divorce" reactions to anything but a man teaching you a lesson because you refuse to do as he says... do you hear it yourself?
he was willing to screw with your grade. your future. because he feels entitled to teach you a lesson. what if you get a job that interferes with his idea of social life? are you willing to risk getting fired for his next stunt?
so stay if you like but he must have learned his lesson for that. so whatever you do, make sure the consequences now are strong enough for him to reconsider next time.
|
oh, good grief. nta.
consider a temporary separation until you get through university.
|
that's a divorce level sabotage of your degree.
|
nta. your husband thinks a *party* is more important than your academic future. not even a party for someone important to *you*. *his* friend. and when you tell him you can't accommodate that, he takes it upon himself to punish you.
do you have somewhere else to stay? if not, can you talk to your school and find out if there are resources available to you? he's throwing red flags **all** over the place, and if you don't at *least* make sure you can complete your remaining tests in peace, i'm worried you're going to find yourself in a situation where you're unable to graduate and are totally dependent on a guy who thinks it's okay to bully you into doing what he wants.
|
nta.
he’s sabotaging your academic future, which is also tied to your career. he’s doing this deliberately.
this isn’t just about ‘you wouldn’t give me an hour so i took an hour because i’m upset’. it’s about controlling you and sabotaging something which could give you independence from him. it’s actually really, really serious. it’s coercive control, which is a form of abuse.
any person who thinks they have a right to ‘teach a lesson’ to their spouse is a giant red flag. that isn’t how you resolve disputes. but he chose to do so knowing the consequences for you would be potentially disastrous - in my universities, you would have failed that exam and be capped at a failing grade even if you sat it later. which would have a disastrous effect on overall degree results because last year counts for the most.
you didn’t deserve what he did and you didn’t overreact. this would genuinely be divorce territory for me, because he is trying to sabotage your future. a decent spouse is supportive of their partner doing things like education or work - he is trying to ruin it for you. it isn’t just about the party, he’s upset because you’ve been assertive and set boundaries and he hasn’t been able to control you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello! i f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. i'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. my husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. i've told him it's not gonna last forever and that i need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. the day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. i refused because i was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if i'm not there. i said no and shut down any further discussions. he got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. before i went to bed, i set my alarm clock like i always do since i'm a heavy sleeper+i stayed up late studying. the next morning i woke up at 9am. i literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. i had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. i couldn't believe it i absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. he just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. i got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. they didn't let me into the exam hall. i got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since i had no legit reason as to why i was late. it was awful is all i can say. i went home and my husband and i stopped speaking to each other. he kept acting as if i hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. and that i deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. i might be wrong for not considering it but i think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right. [/INST] nta holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? what kind of husband would do shit like that. that's so fucking petty. i think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. i would have kicked him out immediately. </s>
|
AITA for crying at dinner on purpose to embarrass my dad and brother?
|
i know the title sounds ridiculous, but there's context!
i'm currently in high school and i live with my dad and brother (my mom's not in the picture anymore). while i'm not very close with my father, he's not a bad dad. he's just a little old fashioned so he's closer to my brother (they have the same hobbies, etc.).
onto the problem: i don't know how it started, but for the past couple of my months both my dad and my brother will start teasing me about "that time of the month" any time i even get remotely irritated or upset at them. for example, my brother ate a snack of mine that i was saving, and when i got mad he just joked, "oh no, is it that time again" in a super annoying voice.
i've kept trying to tell them separately and together that it's really annoying and offensive, and i feel like they're totally minimizing how i feel about things i feel i had valid reasons for being annoyed about. they just brush it off even more and chalk it up to my period no matter what time of the month it is.
well, yesterday we had dinner with my whole family on my dad's side for my aunt's birthday. before the dinner i got in a huge fight with my brother because he broke my ipad and instead of apologizing he just said the whole "time of the month thing". i can admit that by the time we got to my grandma's house i was pretty pissed.
my cousin asked me what was wrong during dinner and before i could explain my brother interrupted with "oh its just *lady* problems".
i usually just ignore him or hold things in, but i had enough and just started bawling. i can admit that i kind of went ham on purpose to cause a scene, and it freaked my whole family out. my aunt asked my dad why i was so upset, and when he didn't know i told my aunt, "it's just *lady* reasons according to dad and brother."
my aunt and grandma were pissed at my dad and brother and they totally got reamed at the dinner table. it was a whole "thing" and i could tell they were super embarrassed.
later that night my brother and dad said i was an ah for causing a scene and embarrassing them, but i said that i was just acting like how always say i do. i guess i didn't have to do it during dinner, but it wasn't like i planned it.
| 18,007 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxyxj9/aita_for_crying_at_dinner_on_purpose_to_embarrass/
|
2022-08-26 04:03:05
|
nta
they opened the door and you charged through.
they are literally using sexist demeaning bullshit to belittle you and rug sweep.
you are a child. your father is not.
you needed help with their asshole behavior and you got it. good for you. seriously. that was what was needed.
now, get your hands on a gigantic calendar. hang it where everyone can see. mark big red xs when you have your period. when they ask why an appropriate version of "well fuck it, you two treat me like shit and blame my period when i get mad, the least i can do is give you a calendar that tells you when you are right and when you are being idiotic."
|
nta. you asked them to stop. they didn't. they needed to hear from others how out of line they were being. this is their own fault for being insensitive and sexist.
if they don't stop, sounds like you have some family to back you up!
|
nta and bawhahahaha op you called them on their misogynistic bs. they were disrespecting you. using weapons that are hard for a young woman to battle against. they never should have done this to you. you are right for what you did for you pushed to the end of your rope and you didn’t know what else too. i get that. good luck and i hope things get better. ❤️
|
if they are embarrassed about people finding out how they treat you, then they shouldn’t treat you that way. you should let them know that if they call you an ah again.
nta
|
w aunt & grandma.
op, it doesn't matter what time of the month it is, your feelings are always valid. don't let them convince you otherwise. nta.
|
many years ago, i made a remark to my wife about a female coworker who was particularly irritable that day. i associated it with "that day of the month" in a similarly disrespectful way as you describe it here.
my wife unscrewed my head and screwed it back on, the right way. i painfully remember this after literally several decades because it was so embarrassing.
already back then, however, i knew that i, and nobody else, was responsible for the embarrassment. lesson learned. perhaps your father and brother should develop a little humility.
nta.
|
nta. they tried to embarrass you in front of your whole family and expected you to just let it slide? they just got a taste of your own medicine.
|
nta. i'm sorry, but your dad *is* a bad dad. this behavior from both him and your brother is nowhere near acceptable. it's bullying, and it's abuse.
|
i am so sorry you are stuck living with these two cavemen. hopefully you don't have too much longer in high school.
given that's all i have to go on for your age, and your family obviously sucks, i'm not going to judge against you for this. i hope aunt still enjoyed her birthday, and that you get a new ipad.
nta
|
nta. it was a family dinner and you don't need to use your company manners.
and i love it that your dad got reamed out by his mother. your aunt and grandma are the best. maybe you should spend more time at grandma's house.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds ridiculous, but there's context! i'm currently in high school and i live with my dad and brother (my mom's not in the picture anymore). while i'm not very close with my father, he's not a bad dad. he's just a little old fashioned so he's closer to my brother (they have the same hobbies, etc.). onto the problem: i don't know how it started, but for the past couple of my months both my dad and my brother will start teasing me about "that time of the month" any time i even get remotely irritated or upset at them. for example, my brother ate a snack of mine that i was saving, and when i got mad he just joked, "oh no, is it that time again" in a super annoying voice. i've kept trying to tell them separately and together that it's really annoying and offensive, and i feel like they're totally minimizing how i feel about things i feel i had valid reasons for being annoyed about. they just brush it off even more and chalk it up to my period no matter what time of the month it is. well, yesterday we had dinner with my whole family on my dad's side for my aunt's birthday. before the dinner i got in a huge fight with my brother because he broke my ipad and instead of apologizing he just said the whole "time of the month thing". i can admit that by the time we got to my grandma's house i was pretty pissed. my cousin asked me what was wrong during dinner and before i could explain my brother interrupted with "oh its just *lady* problems". i usually just ignore him or hold things in, but i had enough and just started bawling. i can admit that i kind of went ham on purpose to cause a scene, and it freaked my whole family out. my aunt asked my dad why i was so upset, and when he didn't know i told my aunt, "it's just *lady* reasons according to dad and brother." my aunt and grandma were pissed at my dad and brother and they totally got reamed at the dinner table. it was a whole "thing" and i could tell they were super embarrassed. later that night my brother and dad said i was an ah for causing a scene and embarrassing them, but i said that i was just acting like how always say i do. i guess i didn't have to do it during dinner, but it wasn't like i planned it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds ridiculous, but there's context! i'm currently in high school and i live with my dad and brother (my mom's not in the picture anymore). while i'm not very close with my father, he's not a bad dad. he's just a little old fashioned so he's closer to my brother (they have the same hobbies, etc.). onto the problem: i don't know how it started, but for the past couple of my months both my dad and my brother will start teasing me about "that time of the month" any time i even get remotely irritated or upset at them. for example, my brother ate a snack of mine that i was saving, and when i got mad he just joked, "oh no, is it that time again" in a super annoying voice. i've kept trying to tell them separately and together that it's really annoying and offensive, and i feel like they're totally minimizing how i feel about things i feel i had valid reasons for being annoyed about. they just brush it off even more and chalk it up to my period no matter what time of the month it is. well, yesterday we had dinner with my whole family on my dad's side for my aunt's birthday. before the dinner i got in a huge fight with my brother because he broke my ipad and instead of apologizing he just said the whole "time of the month thing". i can admit that by the time we got to my grandma's house i was pretty pissed. my cousin asked me what was wrong during dinner and before i could explain my brother interrupted with "oh its just *lady* problems". i usually just ignore him or hold things in, but i had enough and just started bawling. i can admit that i kind of went ham on purpose to cause a scene, and it freaked my whole family out. my aunt asked my dad why i was so upset, and when he didn't know i told my aunt, "it's just *lady* reasons according to dad and brother." my aunt and grandma were pissed at my dad and brother and they totally got reamed at the dinner table. it was a whole "thing" and i could tell they were super embarrassed. later that night my brother and dad said i was an ah for causing a scene and embarrassing them, but i said that i was just acting like how always say i do. i guess i didn't have to do it during dinner, but it wasn't like i planned it. [/INST] nta they opened the door and you charged through. they are literally using sexist demeaning bullshit to belittle you and rug sweep. you are a child. your father is not. you needed help with their asshole behavior and you got it. good for you. seriously. that was what was needed. now, get your hands on a gigantic calendar. hang it where everyone can see. mark big red xs when you have your period. when they ask why an appropriate version of "well fuck it, you two treat me like shit and blame my period when i get mad, the least i can do is give you a calendar that tells you when you are right and when you are being idiotic." </s>
|
AITA for being mildly annoyed at my girlfriend for using one of my eggs?
|
i eat the same breakfast every work day: six fried eggs and an orange (yes, i know this is a lot of food for most people, but i weigh 300 pounds and need to be sure i don't get hungry before lunch). my girlfriend is well aware of this. she doesn't like eggs and never eats them, so it works out perfectly because each week when we go grocery shopping, i buy a 30-pack of eggs, which lasts exactly the week (6 eggs x 5 days = 30).
i work thursday to monday every week. this past sunday evening (when i had six eggs left in the carton for monday morning), i was in the shower and came out to discover that my girlfriend had used one of my eggs to make a cake. i wasn't really upset with her, but i was mildly annoyed because she knows full well that i was planning to eat it for breakfast the next day (and it was too late to go back out to get more eggs). i asked her to please let me know next time we're at the grocery store if she plans to need an egg that week so we can buy extra. she said i'm being ridiculous, that it's just one egg, and that she shouldn't have to plan everything ahead like that.
again, i want to emphasize that i'm not actually mad at her, just mildly annoyed. but she seems to think even that's an overreaction. aita?
| 13,602 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywo5d9/aita_for_being_mildly_annoyed_at_my_girlfriend/
|
2022-11-16 08:36:12
|
yta she used 1 egg, your weight isn't an excuse to eat like that. i weigh 292lb at my heaviest i was 307- that's a ridiculous ammount of eggs to eat.
|
info
> i weigh 300 pounds and need to be sure i don't get hungry before lunch
... or what?
|
yta: it’s one egg and she baked a whole cake
|
yeah, sounds like you might have some underlying issues beyond missing an egg. yta because, jfc, it’s one freaking egg. how could that possibly make any appreciable difference in your day?
also, being 300lbs is probably an issue that needs addressing more urgently than someone using a single egg that you bought. are you a pro athlete? or is there some other reason why you’re not trying to be less than 300lbs? maybe have 2 eggs instead of 6? maybe the short time your body will spend being hungry (until your metabolism adjusts) will be outweighed by the benefits of not being 300lbs?
|
[removed]
|
no.... one....
pouts like gaston
no one shouts like gaston
nor has passive aggressive egg bouts like gaston!
|
it's 1 bloody egg for god sake maybe the reason your 300 pounds is because your eating a whole 6 pack of eggs for your breakfast
|
please give your girlfriend whatever device you're posting this on.
ok, hi. what recipe were you using that you only needed 1 egg for a cake? may i suggest a recipe called a twelve yolk pound cake. yes, 12! that's double of what your husband eats in a day. it's an amazing super rich cake made even better with a decadent creme anglaise. now, i know your boyfriend won't have eggs for a couple of days, but it's really worth it. now you definitely don't want to eat this everyday because of...well...heart attack, but maybe you're interested in seeing what a 300lb lifestyle is like. let me know if you need mid-week eggs since your grocery store is only open 1 day a week or if it's a money issue, i'd gladly send you the 6 bucks for a carton. you simply must try this cake!
|
i once ate my bfs entire lunch because i thought he didn't want it (he actually saved it for later). it was an honest mistake.
he was less annoyed compared to you.
yta
also... why do you have to need to be sure you don't get hungry?
|
what a fucking weird post. like i'm convinced you must have some form of ocd or something. like you don't even need 6 eggs in the morning, that's insane, and it really matters at all if you only get 5? or you'll be hungry by lunch? that egg is going to break you?
get a nutritionist (correction: dietician) or something to help you with this, you've got a problem. or a psychiatrist because this sounds like a mental block more than a physical one.
i'm not gonna say you're an asshole but there's definitely something more to this. like i make breakfast every morning for my household of 6 and usually never use more than 10 eggs for all of us. this is not normal dude.
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null | null | null |
YTA
| null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i eat the same breakfast every work day: six fried eggs and an orange (yes, i know this is a lot of food for most people, but i weigh 300 pounds and need to be sure i don't get hungry before lunch). my girlfriend is well aware of this. she doesn't like eggs and never eats them, so it works out perfectly because each week when we go grocery shopping, i buy a 30-pack of eggs, which lasts exactly the week (6 eggs x 5 days = 30). i work thursday to monday every week. this past sunday evening (when i had six eggs left in the carton for monday morning), i was in the shower and came out to discover that my girlfriend had used one of my eggs to make a cake. i wasn't really upset with her, but i was mildly annoyed because she knows full well that i was planning to eat it for breakfast the next day (and it was too late to go back out to get more eggs). i asked her to please let me know next time we're at the grocery store if she plans to need an egg that week so we can buy extra. she said i'm being ridiculous, that it's just one egg, and that she shouldn't have to plan everything ahead like that. again, i want to emphasize that i'm not actually mad at her, just mildly annoyed. but she seems to think even that's an overreaction. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i eat the same breakfast every work day: six fried eggs and an orange (yes, i know this is a lot of food for most people, but i weigh 300 pounds and need to be sure i don't get hungry before lunch). my girlfriend is well aware of this. she doesn't like eggs and never eats them, so it works out perfectly because each week when we go grocery shopping, i buy a 30-pack of eggs, which lasts exactly the week (6 eggs x 5 days = 30). i work thursday to monday every week. this past sunday evening (when i had six eggs left in the carton for monday morning), i was in the shower and came out to discover that my girlfriend had used one of my eggs to make a cake. i wasn't really upset with her, but i was mildly annoyed because she knows full well that i was planning to eat it for breakfast the next day (and it was too late to go back out to get more eggs). i asked her to please let me know next time we're at the grocery store if she plans to need an egg that week so we can buy extra. she said i'm being ridiculous, that it's just one egg, and that she shouldn't have to plan everything ahead like that. again, i want to emphasize that i'm not actually mad at her, just mildly annoyed. but she seems to think even that's an overreaction. aita? [/INST] yta she used 1 egg, your weight isn't an excuse to eat like that. i weigh 292lb at my heaviest i was 307- that's a ridiculous ammount of eggs to eat. </s>
|
AITA for telling my niece that her choice of career isn't well respected?
|
my (45f) niece (18f) just graduated from high school, and of course, me and the rest of her family are very proud. moreover, she got into a pretty good school so we're pretty excited about that as well.
me, her mom (my sister), my brother in law, and my niece and nephew went out to lunch today. i asked my niece what she was thinking about majoring in, or if there were any programs she had already been accepted to. she told me that she got into the school for graphic design. i was a little surprised because she's obviously a smart girl so i thought she would choose something more efficient and productive. i asked her if she has already made up her mind on graphic design. i'm pretty sure the money isn't that great in that field. she told me of course she has, and asked me why. i told her that i was just expecting for her to choose a more well respected career. she told me that graphic designers are well respected. i told her that they might be a little respected, but not as much as other careers, like engineering, computer science, or the medical field, which i was conviced that she was going to go into, since she's very bright. i'm a nurse, so that also plays a part into it, that a fellow family member would go into a highly respected career like mine.
she got really upset with me, saying that i was insulting her choices. i replied that i wasn't insulting her, i was just saying that graphic designers aren't as well respected as other fields, and that was just the unfortunate truth. she cussed me out saying that she didn't "want to be a damn nurse" and walked off. my sister got upset with me calling me dumb, and she and bil left.
again, my niece is very smart, i just wanted to let her know about her options, and be realistic about it. aita?
| 4,856 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vuum2u/aita_for_telling_my_niece_that_her_choice_of/
|
2022-07-09 05:33:08
|
yta. graphic design is well respected! graphic designers design websites (like this one), create advertisement for companies, can go into animation (ever heard of a company called disney?), and many other things. you need to apologize to her and admit that yta.
|
yta. all professions should be respected. even ditch diggers.
also you seem out of touch if you believe being a graphic designer is not a respectable career with high earning ability. don’t put your weird shit on her.
if this is what she wants to do with her life, has decided it, and is passionate about it, you should be encouraging her, not telling her the field she is going into is bottom rung.
so you’re a nurse, well that might be a little respected, but not as much as other careers, like being a doctor, pharmacist, or an anesthesiologist.
this is a really weird hill you want to die on.
|
wow, "i'm pretty sure that graphic design isn't well paid." and what led you to that conclusion? hmmm.
i'm a nurse, too and i'm laughing my ass off at how well respected "nurses are." if only.
yta and then some.
|
yta. she's done the research, you're pretty sure you know what you're saying is true. graphic design is everywhere and she's got an interest in it.
|
yta it's not your decision or your business
|
[deleted]
|
with the rise of the internet, graphic design is one of the most quickly expanding career fields out there. the interface of design and computer graphics is very lucrative. it’s also a degree that she can use to head into a large variety of specialty fields (like product design, illustration, animation, advertising, web design, interactive media… the list goes on.
you should perhaps remove yourself from the pedestal of outmoded thinking about prestige
majors. and consider how hurtful and insulting you were to her.
you’re definitely ta here.
|
yta.
gosh you must be fun at parties.
|
yta
people like you are the reason some fields are "less respected". tell me, what other professions do you deem "unworthy"?
for a nurse, you seem to have very little people skills. would not want you at my bedside.
|
>i'm pretty sure the money isn't that great in that field.
yta and you're wrong - it's plenty respected, and the pay can be quite high - as high as or higher than a nurse.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (45f) niece (18f) just graduated from high school, and of course, me and the rest of her family are very proud. moreover, she got into a pretty good school so we're pretty excited about that as well. me, her mom (my sister), my brother in law, and my niece and nephew went out to lunch today. i asked my niece what she was thinking about majoring in, or if there were any programs she had already been accepted to. she told me that she got into the school for graphic design. i was a little surprised because she's obviously a smart girl so i thought she would choose something more efficient and productive. i asked her if she has already made up her mind on graphic design. i'm pretty sure the money isn't that great in that field. she told me of course she has, and asked me why. i told her that i was just expecting for her to choose a more well respected career. she told me that graphic designers are well respected. i told her that they might be a little respected, but not as much as other careers, like engineering, computer science, or the medical field, which i was conviced that she was going to go into, since she's very bright. i'm a nurse, so that also plays a part into it, that a fellow family member would go into a highly respected career like mine. she got really upset with me, saying that i was insulting her choices. i replied that i wasn't insulting her, i was just saying that graphic designers aren't as well respected as other fields, and that was just the unfortunate truth. she cussed me out saying that she didn't "want to be a damn nurse" and walked off. my sister got upset with me calling me dumb, and she and bil left. again, my niece is very smart, i just wanted to let her know about her options, and be realistic about it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (45f) niece (18f) just graduated from high school, and of course, me and the rest of her family are very proud. moreover, she got into a pretty good school so we're pretty excited about that as well. me, her mom (my sister), my brother in law, and my niece and nephew went out to lunch today. i asked my niece what she was thinking about majoring in, or if there were any programs she had already been accepted to. she told me that she got into the school for graphic design. i was a little surprised because she's obviously a smart girl so i thought she would choose something more efficient and productive. i asked her if she has already made up her mind on graphic design. i'm pretty sure the money isn't that great in that field. she told me of course she has, and asked me why. i told her that i was just expecting for her to choose a more well respected career. she told me that graphic designers are well respected. i told her that they might be a little respected, but not as much as other careers, like engineering, computer science, or the medical field, which i was conviced that she was going to go into, since she's very bright. i'm a nurse, so that also plays a part into it, that a fellow family member would go into a highly respected career like mine. she got really upset with me, saying that i was insulting her choices. i replied that i wasn't insulting her, i was just saying that graphic designers aren't as well respected as other fields, and that was just the unfortunate truth. she cussed me out saying that she didn't "want to be a damn nurse" and walked off. my sister got upset with me calling me dumb, and she and bil left. again, my niece is very smart, i just wanted to let her know about her options, and be realistic about it. aita? [/INST] yta. graphic design is well respected! graphic designers design websites (like this one), create advertisement for companies, can go into animation (ever heard of a company called disney?), and many other things. you need to apologize to her and admit that yta. </s>
|
AITA for telling my fiancé he has to stop helping his ex with rent
|
my fiancé (26m) and i (25f) are supposed to get married next spring, but there’s one thing that’s keeping me from wanting to continue with the wedding until this is solved.
him and his ex had a baby when they were both 22, but broke up shortly after the baby was born. we started dating a year later, and are now engaged. the child is now 4.
he wants to stay close to his daughter, but the baby’s mother cannot afford rent in a place closer, and would have to move to either to a one bedroom, a bad neighborhood about 25 minutes away, or a decent neighborhood an hour away, so my fiancé made an arrangement that he’d help her pay for rent, give her $200 a month, plus another $100 for child care, in exchange of not putting him on child support.
the $100 i can understand, but the helping with rent is really bothering me, and i feel like if she can’t afford rent then she needs to find another place to live. i’d be willing to take in her daughter if she decides to get a one bedroom instead, but my fiancé got angry and said the decisions he makes about his child do not involve me.
his ex found out, and said that if he stops helping with rent she’s gonna have to go for child support, and that she’s “helping us out” because apparently she can get more from child support because of how much my fiancé makes. however, i think this is just an empty threat. i told my fiancé i’m not marrying him unless he stops.
| 6,460 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ipghvg/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_he_has_to_stop_helping/
|
2020-09-09 14:05:28
|
yta. you two are getting a steal of a deal for $300 a month in child support in lieu of a formal arrangement through the courts that can cost you way more.
you need to butt out. it's his child, and he's a good man for wanting to provide.
|
yta - he is responsible for his child, and is paying a shockingly low amount of support outside of the rent.
if you’re not willing to support him in supporting his child, move on and find a partner without children.
|
yta
child support is supposed to be used to maintain a house, food, clothing etc for the child. he’s not currently paying child support so he’s paying her $300 for the month. or is it $300 + rent help? either way, it’s being used for the betterment of their mutual child.
don’t like it, then you should leave.
|
yta whole heartedly. first of all, idk where y’all live but $300 a month in lieu of child support is a freaking steal. i pay $1000/month in daycare alone for my daughter not to mention groceries. you better wake up and recognize that the baby’s mothers can take y’all(yes y’all cuz you’re about to be married) to court and probably get way more than the pitiful $300/month you’re currently paying.
secondly....that’s his child...that needs a roof over its head. unless your fiancé is gonna step in and take the baby full time, assisting with rent is the least he can do.
you are such an ah for this, your fiancé should actually run because you’re okay with his child and your future stepchild living on the streets or really far away. neither of which is ideal. your opinions are truly reflective of you not being a mother. i hope you don’t want kids yourself....
|
yta, he probably will have to pay for child support plus legal fees for that and its just a big mess, he is doing it for his child, not any interest of the ex and hes right you should mind your business because this sounds incredibly selfish. not marrying him over paying $300 a month to his ex to help with rent plus child, the one bedroom is in a bad neighborhood, **you would rather put the child at risk then have him pay $200.** a child being raised in a bad neighborhood is dangerous and not a good choice if it can be avoided.
|
yta
she's right, she can get way more from her babydaddy. $300 a month is nothing! god, you sound like you would become the evil stepmother.
do you honestly you really think $100 is enough for the upkeep of a child?
i hope he takes your ultimatum and does not marry you. hope he sees how much of a toxic ugly person you are. you're obviously too selfish and immature to get married if that's how you're thinking.
|
yta
>the decisions he makes about his child do not involve me
how difficult is it to understand that he clearly loves his daughter and respects his ex enough to want good for both of them. 300 dollars sound like peanuts to me honestly.
>i told my fiancé i’m not marrying him unless he stops.
feel free to walk away. that child will be better off without you in her life for the foreseeable future.
|
i’m not sure how much rent is but $200+$100 is simply not enough to help raise a child each month. i do not doubt that she could get more $ out of him if she were to decide to go to court and get child support. i think you should look at this whole situation from a new perspective and see how dedicated of a father your soon to be husband is. this should make you want to marry him more imo :) there are so many dads out there who don’t help their baby mamas at all and don’t want to be part of the kids life. i think him helping her out is very noble. if her child is only 4 how is she supposed to work full time?
|
[removed]
|
info is he only paying $300 a month total? no other support?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
INFO
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé (26m) and i (25f) are supposed to get married next spring, but there’s one thing that’s keeping me from wanting to continue with the wedding until this is solved. him and his ex had a baby when they were both 22, but broke up shortly after the baby was born. we started dating a year later, and are now engaged. the child is now 4. he wants to stay close to his daughter, but the baby’s mother cannot afford rent in a place closer, and would have to move to either to a one bedroom, a bad neighborhood about 25 minutes away, or a decent neighborhood an hour away, so my fiancé made an arrangement that he’d help her pay for rent, give her $200 a month, plus another $100 for child care, in exchange of not putting him on child support. the $100 i can understand, but the helping with rent is really bothering me, and i feel like if she can’t afford rent then she needs to find another place to live. i’d be willing to take in her daughter if she decides to get a one bedroom instead, but my fiancé got angry and said the decisions he makes about his child do not involve me. his ex found out, and said that if he stops helping with rent she’s gonna have to go for child support, and that she’s “helping us out” because apparently she can get more from child support because of how much my fiancé makes. however, i think this is just an empty threat. i told my fiancé i’m not marrying him unless he stops.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé (26m) and i (25f) are supposed to get married next spring, but there’s one thing that’s keeping me from wanting to continue with the wedding until this is solved. him and his ex had a baby when they were both 22, but broke up shortly after the baby was born. we started dating a year later, and are now engaged. the child is now 4. he wants to stay close to his daughter, but the baby’s mother cannot afford rent in a place closer, and would have to move to either to a one bedroom, a bad neighborhood about 25 minutes away, or a decent neighborhood an hour away, so my fiancé made an arrangement that he’d help her pay for rent, give her $200 a month, plus another $100 for child care, in exchange of not putting him on child support. the $100 i can understand, but the helping with rent is really bothering me, and i feel like if she can’t afford rent then she needs to find another place to live. i’d be willing to take in her daughter if she decides to get a one bedroom instead, but my fiancé got angry and said the decisions he makes about his child do not involve me. his ex found out, and said that if he stops helping with rent she’s gonna have to go for child support, and that she’s “helping us out” because apparently she can get more from child support because of how much my fiancé makes. however, i think this is just an empty threat. i told my fiancé i’m not marrying him unless he stops. [/INST] yta. you two are getting a steal of a deal for $300 a month in child support in lieu of a formal arrangement through the courts that can cost you way more. you need to butt out. it's his child, and he's a good man for wanting to provide. </s>
|
AITA for trying to help my daughter make healthier choices?
|
i am a mom of two beautiful children. my youngest, paige, just entered her freshman year. she is normally a very happy girl but lately paige has dreaded going to school and has even begged me not to go. no matter how many times i asked, she would not tell me why she hated school.
i asked eliza, who is a sophomore, to find out why paige does not want to go to school. she did, and it turns out that paige has been getting bullied at school and her peers have called her fat.
now, paige is not a fat girl. she is very athletic and plays tons of sports. but she is a bit on the chubbier side.
since paige wouldn’t come to me about the issue, i figured i should not say anything to her about it. but i did decide that i could still be helpful by making healthier meals at home. i stopped picking up unhealthy, processed foods at the grocery store and instead stocked up on vegetables and whole foods.
now here’s where i may be the ah: paige asked me to pick up oreos on my next trip to the store and i finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me. paige stormed upstairs and slammed her door. even eliza was upset with me.
it may have come out the wrong way, but i really didn’t mean anything wrong by that. i just meant i am her mom and she can always come to me. aita?
| 4,647 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjfoe0/aita_for_trying_to_help_my_daughter_make/
|
2022-12-12 00:06:39
|
yta. you basically went, "if you wouldnt get bullied if you werent fat"
which means
a) you agree with her bullies
b)you think she's fat
c) you think fat people deserve to be bullied
d) thus your daughter deserves to be bullied
e) this is her fault
f) if she doesnt lose weight she should expect further bullying
g) her own parents would rather force her on a goddamn diet than go to the principal/the bullies parents
h) you need to punish her for not talking to you by taking away her snacks
i seriously can go through the whole damn alphabet, but you see my fucking point, op?
|
so let me get this straight. you find out your daughter is being bullied at school due to her size and instead of talking to her about it, you just changed available foods and are withholding snacks?
yta for how you approached it (with the oreos) and for not sitting down with your kid and talking the minute you found out what was going on.
|
yta.
>now here’s where i may be the ah: paige asked me to pick up oreos on my next trip to the store and i finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me.
why would you say that? she wanted a snack. she wasn't "turning to food".
you've probably just made her feel even more fat.
|
yta. you could have approached this in a much more sensitive and thoughtful way - but instead you shamed her.
paige plays a tonne of sports, right? which would make her pretty fit and athletic, despite her build. how many sports do you play? are you athletic? or are you sitting on your butt chastising her about oreos?
poor paige. bullied at school and bullied by her mom.
|
yta. you say you have no concerns because paige is athletic and plays "tons of sports". then you decide to cut out household junk and start eating healthier as a family. this is great. all positive stuff.
but then paige makes a (perfectly normal) request and you accuse her of "turning to food". turning to food because she had a bit of a sugar craving for an oreo. was she going to binge eat an entire pack? do you feel she emotionally eats? do you feel this is a problem she has? because you started out your post by saying that she was into sports and there were no worries there. so what put the emotional eating idea in your head?
mostly though yta for not talking to paige about any of this. she could be struggling with a subject, a teacher, a crush. her sister said it was bullying about her weight. yet apart from your disparaging remark about "turning to food", you haven't spoken to paige at all.
|
yta
did you at least stretch before making that reach?
|
yta because you're not honest with your daughter and didn't even address the bullying she's receiving at school. do better, mom.
|
yta you are just reinforcing the bullying she gets at school, no wonder she doesn't want to talk about it with you.
|
wait … so instead of going to the school and addressing what the actual problem is .. yano the fact that your child is being bullied .. you instead decided to try and make her lose weight and then as if that’s not a shit enough reaction to what you found out , you then go and say that to her ?
go and apologise to your daughter and let her know that you will support her in getting the bullying dealt with cos right yta and you need to fix this and fast before your daughter ends up with an ed because her own mother just backed up what they bullies were saying to her
|
so yeah, yta for 2 reasons. first for assuming she was worried about her weight (could be a boy she’s avoiding), and second the insult of “turning to food” for comfort. girls, especially, are very sensitive to comments about their eating habits and resulting weight. just get off reddit and apologize already!
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am a mom of two beautiful children. my youngest, paige, just entered her freshman year. she is normally a very happy girl but lately paige has dreaded going to school and has even begged me not to go. no matter how many times i asked, she would not tell me why she hated school. i asked eliza, who is a sophomore, to find out why paige does not want to go to school. she did, and it turns out that paige has been getting bullied at school and her peers have called her fat. now, paige is not a fat girl. she is very athletic and plays tons of sports. but she is a bit on the chubbier side. since paige wouldn’t come to me about the issue, i figured i should not say anything to her about it. but i did decide that i could still be helpful by making healthier meals at home. i stopped picking up unhealthy, processed foods at the grocery store and instead stocked up on vegetables and whole foods. now here’s where i may be the ah: paige asked me to pick up oreos on my next trip to the store and i finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me. paige stormed upstairs and slammed her door. even eliza was upset with me. it may have come out the wrong way, but i really didn’t mean anything wrong by that. i just meant i am her mom and she can always come to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am a mom of two beautiful children. my youngest, paige, just entered her freshman year. she is normally a very happy girl but lately paige has dreaded going to school and has even begged me not to go. no matter how many times i asked, she would not tell me why she hated school. i asked eliza, who is a sophomore, to find out why paige does not want to go to school. she did, and it turns out that paige has been getting bullied at school and her peers have called her fat. now, paige is not a fat girl. she is very athletic and plays tons of sports. but she is a bit on the chubbier side. since paige wouldn’t come to me about the issue, i figured i should not say anything to her about it. but i did decide that i could still be helpful by making healthier meals at home. i stopped picking up unhealthy, processed foods at the grocery store and instead stocked up on vegetables and whole foods. now here’s where i may be the ah: paige asked me to pick up oreos on my next trip to the store and i finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me. paige stormed upstairs and slammed her door. even eliza was upset with me. it may have come out the wrong way, but i really didn’t mean anything wrong by that. i just meant i am her mom and she can always come to me. aita? [/INST] yta. you basically went, "if you wouldnt get bullied if you werent fat" which means a) you agree with her bullies b)you think she's fat c) you think fat people deserve to be bullied d) thus your daughter deserves to be bullied e) this is her fault f) if she doesnt lose weight she should expect further bullying g) her own parents would rather force her on a goddamn diet than go to the principal/the bullies parents h) you need to punish her for not talking to you by taking away her snacks i seriously can go through the whole damn alphabet, but you see my fucking point, op? </s>
|
AITA for telling my gf her hair looks gross and she should wash it more often?
|
my gf(26) has really long curly hair. it's very pretty but she only washes it once a week. she still showers everyday but only washes her hair on sundays. i(29m) think this is very gross. it doesn't start to look greasy until the last 2 days and by this time she puts it up when we're out in public so you can't tell, but she wears it down when we're home and i don't like the look of it. i've always had a problem with germs and the look of her oily scalp makes me uncomfortable. the only time she will wash it before the 7th day when we have something to do on friday or saturday but other then that she waits until sunday.
the other day i told her i didn't like that she doesn't wash her hair more and that it looks gross. she got offended and told me i didn't deserve an opinion on her hair because i don't have any.(i went completely bald a year ago and she knows i'm insecure abt it so this was a low blow). is this normal for girls not to wash their hair? aita? i didn't think it was an unreasonable request.
| 5,029 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/re5pxc/aita_for_telling_my_gf_her_hair_looks_gross_and/
|
2021-12-11 18:31:09
|
yta. curly hair requires a different kind of care than straight hair and washing it too often can damage it. she has obviously worked out a routine that works for her and her curls.
you get no say in the matter. your insecurities about germs are a you problem, not hers. and an oily scalp has nothing to do with germs. don’t lose your hair over something like this. 😈
|
it is actually very reasonable to wash your hair infrequently. i have long curly/ wavy hair. it's grown much healthier and fallen out a lot less washing it maybe twice a week. those oils are good for your hair and scalp. especially if she has curly hair, over washing can make your hair dull and frizzy.
yta for not asking her why she does this and just assumed she's gross. she also has a good point that if you don't have hair or even long and curly hair you gave no idea what upkeep is required or reasonable.
|
why is it a low blow for her to bring up your baldness, but okay for you to comment on her hygiene? yta.
|
yta. curly hair requires special care. if she washed more often it would be frizzy and hard to manage.
go apologize.
|
yta - you shouldn’t have commented on her hair when you’re insecure about your lack of hair. you called hers gross and she said you’re bald lmao. seems fair to me.
also, you realize it’s actually not healthy to wash your hair that often right? it can strip your hair’s natural oils and dry your hair out or make it more oily. most women don’t wash their hair more than like 1-3 times a week depending on their hair type.
your germ issue is yours to figure out and not her problem. it’s her hair. she’ll wash it when she sees fit. she knows her hair better than you do.
apologize to her and mind your business next time.
|
yta. you’re the one who called her gross and then act all shocked when she returns the favor. leave her alone. she’s established a routine that works for her hair type and it’s really none of your business what she does with her hair.
|
a low blow? you told her she looks gross. that’s messed up. yta. she’s trying to protect her hair from over washing. that’s why the curls look pretty.
|
yta. i have curly hair and you are not supposed to wash it more than she is. some curly women go longer. most curly hair is dry and she’s lucky she even gets to a “greasy stage”. i don’t. it’s good for her scalp if she’s as dry as most of us.
|
yta. she's worked out a hair washing routine that's about maintain her scalp and hair health. not about whether or not it makes you happy.
|
yta
yes, it's normal for people with long hair, especially those with curly long hair, to have a washing routine that involves washing hair once a week. really, you're never going to grow long, healthy hair if you wash it daily--the older hair gets a lot more brittle and easily damaged, hair is basically dead material that hangs from your head.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf(26) has really long curly hair. it's very pretty but she only washes it once a week. she still showers everyday but only washes her hair on sundays. i(29m) think this is very gross. it doesn't start to look greasy until the last 2 days and by this time she puts it up when we're out in public so you can't tell, but she wears it down when we're home and i don't like the look of it. i've always had a problem with germs and the look of her oily scalp makes me uncomfortable. the only time she will wash it before the 7th day when we have something to do on friday or saturday but other then that she waits until sunday. the other day i told her i didn't like that she doesn't wash her hair more and that it looks gross. she got offended and told me i didn't deserve an opinion on her hair because i don't have any.(i went completely bald a year ago and she knows i'm insecure abt it so this was a low blow). is this normal for girls not to wash their hair? aita? i didn't think it was an unreasonable request.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf(26) has really long curly hair. it's very pretty but she only washes it once a week. she still showers everyday but only washes her hair on sundays. i(29m) think this is very gross. it doesn't start to look greasy until the last 2 days and by this time she puts it up when we're out in public so you can't tell, but she wears it down when we're home and i don't like the look of it. i've always had a problem with germs and the look of her oily scalp makes me uncomfortable. the only time she will wash it before the 7th day when we have something to do on friday or saturday but other then that she waits until sunday. the other day i told her i didn't like that she doesn't wash her hair more and that it looks gross. she got offended and told me i didn't deserve an opinion on her hair because i don't have any.(i went completely bald a year ago and she knows i'm insecure abt it so this was a low blow). is this normal for girls not to wash their hair? aita? i didn't think it was an unreasonable request. [/INST] yta. curly hair requires a different kind of care than straight hair and washing it too often can damage it. she has obviously worked out a routine that works for her and her curls. you get no say in the matter. your insecurities about germs are a you problem, not hers. and an oily scalp has nothing to do with germs. don’t lose your hair over something like this. 😈 </s>
|
AITA for funding one of my daughter's masters but not the other's med school?
|
using a throwaway,
i have two girls, r who's 29 and k who's 23.
we had equal college funds saved up for both girls. r received scholarships, and her college wasn't extremely expensive to begin with. she ended up using about a third of the fund for her bachelors, decided not to pursue further studies and went into working.
k also received some financial aid but she ended up going through the entire fund. she's recently started med school.
r's been thinking about going back to school to complete a masters degree. i was happy to hear that, and she asked if we could help her out with costs. we weren't sure at first, but i talked it over with my husband, and we agreed with her that since she didn't initially need her entire college fund for studies, she should be allowed to use the money to pursue further studies now.
the situation that's come up now, we all got together for thanksgiving and k heard that we agreed to funding r's masters. she was mad and pulled me aside, saying this is completely unfair and if i'm paying for her post grad, i should at least help out with some of her med school costs.
i told her this isn't like that, it's because r didn't originally use her money. k was still upset and she ended up leaving early, and i know she got into a bit of a verbal fight with r.
she hasn't been responding to calls/texts, so i'm just letting her cool off a bit to understand. but k is clearly mad, aita?
| 6,483 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6vluy/aita_for_funding_one_of_my_daughters_masters_but/
|
2022-11-28 12:43:28
|
yta because i saw your comment saying you allowed r to use up what was left of her college fund for a trip to australia. so what you're gonna give her now for masters is basically extra money. your other daughter is right to be pissed at the preferential treatment r is receiving.
|
yta
you have left out a critical bit of information in your post. you gave r the rest of the money and she opted to spend that on a holiday. so she has spent 100% of her fund, just not all for education. you need to update your post.
if you do this pay for r further education, i hope you are saving funds for k to be given a holiday of a life time. otherwise you are treating your children extremely unequally.
|
op
yta i don't care about the petty drama you have with your daughters. yta for trying to mislead the aita community by omitting important information from your op and hiding it in the comments.
op gave her daughter the leftovers from her college fund to travel.
|
info : is the money you are giving r is the amount of the unused college fund, or are you giving her more money on top of that?
edit : got my answer, r was allowed to used her unused college fund to travel, so the money op is giving is extra money. got banned because i reposted too many time the info commenting on people saying op was fair, but oh well, it was worth it to be able to expose that piece of info that change everything. thanks for the awards, see you in 3 days 😅
|
was about to say n-t-a but then i saw a comment where you said she was allowed to use the rest of the fund for a trip. this means she already used up the money set aside for her and now you're giving her more. great that you can afford it but you should extend the same to your other daughter. yta
|
yta
the money r is receiving is not from the original college fund. yes she didn't use all of it for her first degree, but then you allowed her to use the leftover for an expensive vacation to australia. now you're paying *again* for r, all she had to do was ask and you're forking over money. no wonder k is mad - her sister got *all* her education paid for, plus a fancy vacation. she has to work her ass off for med school.
even if r didn't use all of the fund for college, she *still used it*. it's clear which daughter has you wrapped around her thumb.
|
yta. op admits r used the remainder of her college fund on a trip to australia. so r is getting more than k.
|
you need to put the missing text from your comments to get the true judgement instead of tricking people thinking your right an n t a when you are yta
|
info: did both children previously understand exactly how much money you equally set aside for them?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.135296 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: using a throwaway, i have two girls, r who's 29 and k who's 23. we had equal college funds saved up for both girls. r received scholarships, and her college wasn't extremely expensive to begin with. she ended up using about a third of the fund for her bachelors, decided not to pursue further studies and went into working. k also received some financial aid but she ended up going through the entire fund. she's recently started med school. r's been thinking about going back to school to complete a masters degree. i was happy to hear that, and she asked if we could help her out with costs. we weren't sure at first, but i talked it over with my husband, and we agreed with her that since she didn't initially need her entire college fund for studies, she should be allowed to use the money to pursue further studies now. the situation that's come up now, we all got together for thanksgiving and k heard that we agreed to funding r's masters. she was mad and pulled me aside, saying this is completely unfair and if i'm paying for her post grad, i should at least help out with some of her med school costs. i told her this isn't like that, it's because r didn't originally use her money. k was still upset and she ended up leaving early, and i know she got into a bit of a verbal fight with r. she hasn't been responding to calls/texts, so i'm just letting her cool off a bit to understand. but k is clearly mad, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
using a throwaway, i have two girls, r who's 29 and k who's 23. we had equal college funds saved up for both girls. r received scholarships, and her college wasn't extremely expensive to begin with. she ended up using about a third of the fund for her bachelors, decided not to pursue further studies and went into working. k also received some financial aid but she ended up going through the entire fund. she's recently started med school. r's been thinking about going back to school to complete a masters degree. i was happy to hear that, and she asked if we could help her out with costs. we weren't sure at first, but i talked it over with my husband, and we agreed with her that since she didn't initially need her entire college fund for studies, she should be allowed to use the money to pursue further studies now. the situation that's come up now, we all got together for thanksgiving and k heard that we agreed to funding r's masters. she was mad and pulled me aside, saying this is completely unfair and if i'm paying for her post grad, i should at least help out with some of her med school costs. i told her this isn't like that, it's because r didn't originally use her money. k was still upset and she ended up leaving early, and i know she got into a bit of a verbal fight with r. she hasn't been responding to calls/texts, so i'm just letting her cool off a bit to understand. but k is clearly mad, aita? [/INST] yta because i saw your comment saying you allowed r to use up what was left of her college fund for a trip to australia. so what you're gonna give her now for masters is basically extra money. your other daughter is right to be pissed at the preferential treatment r is receiving. </s>
|
|
AITA for "forcing" my stepdaughter to go to my wedding
|
i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated).
our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over).
my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves.
when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house.
aita?
| 7,501 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnrd21/aita_for_forcing_my_stepdaughter_to_go_to_my/
|
2021-12-24 17:57:34
|
yta. for everything.
he bought you an apartment while still with his wife and you're trying to play innocent? just because you weren't sleeping together yet doesn't mean there wasn't emotional infidelity going on. your hands are not that clean, so stop pretending they are.
and of course she wants to leave your house, you're giving off serious evil stepmother vibes here.
|
there is a whole lot missing from this story. a person doesn't buy an apartment for someone without there being some relationship activity. also, wtf did you schedule your wedding to fall on the ex's bday?
yta. you are being very manipulative and she called you on it.
|
yta
she wants to be with her mom. she is also right, using the car as a carrot/stick is vindictive and will lead to more drama, and further resentment of you.
|
esh.
her behavior may be terrible but...
why are you spending so much time discussing race when it's not relevant to the post?
>our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday.
this is such an incredible fuck you to the ex. moreover, it set up a situation where lea would be forced to choose between her mom and her dad.
you try to play yourself as the innocent aggrieved party here but the above points suggest you and will are not as innocent in all this as you let on.
|
yta
there is so much wrong here. telling her it’s going to be her dad’s happiest day? what about the birth of her? he got you an apartment while still married. yet “nothing was happening”. i call bs and so does the daughter.
did you investigate the allegations against your brother? or just assume he was innocent because you don’t like the daughter?
this whole situation is despicable. you’re awful and are pushing this girl further and further away. i hope the father shapes up and chooses his daughter over his sugar baby before it’s too late.
|
why did you schedule your wedding the same day as his ex’s bday? you should’ve thought that through a lot more. should’ve chosen a different date.
|
yta. you planned your wedding for her mother's birthday, refuse to let her make her own choice about which to attend, and are trying to strong-arm her into going to a wedding she doesn't want to be at by making her birthday gift conditional (gifts are never supposed to have strings attached - that is what makes them gifts).
also, she is clearly very troubled - has anyone ever gotten her into therapy to try to help her?
and, most importantly, do you know for an absolute fact that your brother didn't do what she accused him of? because, if there is even a remote chance that he did, you are the biggest asshole alive (among other names i can't call you on this sub without getting banned) for not getting her help.
|
yta.
everything in your post down to she accused your brother of doing something to her and you dismissed it as a behavior makes you ta. your statement about this being her father's "happiest day" was just throwing salt in the wound and you know it. leave her alone. she doesn't like you.
and yes, you at least emotionally cheated. he bought you an apartment while they were still married.
|
i absolutely do not believe your story of not being involved with the father until after they split. who buys an apartment for someone they’re not involved with? what exactly did she accuse your brother of since you glossed over that part? and of course yta.
|
yta - you literally said you were "forcing" her.
more importantly, what do you hope to get out of this? this girl is never going to want to talk to either of you again... not the relationship building move you might be hoping for.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated). our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over). my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves. when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated). our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over). my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves. when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house. aita? [/INST] yta. for everything. he bought you an apartment while still with his wife and you're trying to play innocent? just because you weren't sleeping together yet doesn't mean there wasn't emotional infidelity going on. your hands are not that clean, so stop pretending they are. and of course she wants to leave your house, you're giving off serious evil stepmother vibes here. </s>
|
AITA for burning bridges with my in-laws at my husband's funeral?
|
i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college.
when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer.
but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline.
the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly.
the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole."
jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side.
aita?
| 23,791 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fegt59/aita_for_burning_bridges_with_my_inlaws_at_my/
|
2020-03-06 17:26:07
|
nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son.
i am so sorry that this happened to you.
|
nta. she asked for advice, she got it. and you know what? yeah it's too broad, but you were abused and freshly out. so no, not everyone who joins the military will end up like he did, but you gave your honest sisterly advice. (and yes, it might have traumatized her, but in the end if she sees the truth she may ask you to talk with her about how things changed. she may ask for the better memories of her brother. )
sorry, i'm not too sure this is coherent but hopefully it makes sense.
|
nah, but given the context, you're reaaaal close to yta, despite tir circumstances. everyone processes grief (or lack thereof) differently. they of course still loved him, so to them, you just insulted their recently deceased brother/son/cousin right after his funeral. they didn't have the same experience as you and fall out of love with him, so for them, the comment was cruel. it doesn't take into context your experience.
|
yta. typically it is bad to say negative things about others at their funeral, especially in front of their grieving family. you should have made the conversation more private, and you shouldn't have elaborated unless prompted.
i agree entirely with your sentiment. your intentions were good, but wrong place and wrong time.
|
[removed]
|
esh.
your sil asked a dumb-ass question. as far as she knew, you just lost your husband, and so that's maybe not a good time to bring up her budding love life.
said husbands funeral is neither the time nor the place for you to say that. not to mention that all military people are not the same. they're as diverse as civilians. 6 member of my family all served, and not one of them *ever* behaved like your husband did (though 4 of them are middle-eastern, so they don't say things like "dirty little sheet head" for a different reason).
|
nta. you were abused, she asked for advice and you gave it. funeral or not, honesty is always the best choice. his parents are hurting of course, but that doesn't mean they should be lied to or have the truth hidden from them. lies and omission absolutely suck.
the assholes for me are your husband and your parents for not sympathizing with you after he literally abused you.
|
nta.
ex-navy wife here. it's a brutal life in a lot of ways and civilians cannot, and never will, understand. you were also probably away from the family for your postings, so they only remember the man you married, not the man he became.
you have your remembrance, they have theirs. i would not apologize, but might say, "things changed while we were in and if i could go back, i would have encouraged jake to not enlist, but whatever you (jake's little sister) choose to do, i will always be here for you."
as for the fam, yours and his, they can pound sand. you are the a widow of a military man. you have grown beyond having to appease your family.
|
dude nta
i'm a female veteran, i've seen husband's do their civillian wives so dirty and the women too. could you have said it better? probably. but that was probably the worst time to ask that question. you went through it not your family and not his family. you should probably seek some help and talk this out with a professional though.
|
soft yta - i'm not denying your pain or your issues with jake. but that was cruel and insensitive to do at that time. i can also appreciate that you were under a lot of emotional turmoil yourself.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
| null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.377705 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i married "jake" when we both were 19 - i know in hindsight that that was dumb, but it was common in the area. we're from an area with little in the way of opportunities, and while i did well enough to get scholarships and attend college, jake decided to join the military. we talked extensively about this, and he was vocal in his intention to only join for one term to get the gi bill and then get out and go to college. when i married him, jake was a sweet, funny guy who enjoyed cooking and the only things he'd willingly hurt were deer. but after he joined, jake changed. he got a lot angrier, in general. i'd never known him to have a temper, but he went from never raising his voice to yelling at his family and me when he didn't get his way, to less pleasant behavior when he was drunk. and oh how he drank. i have nothing against a beer with friends now and then, but after joining the military jake was drinking constantly. his sense of humor got a lot cruder, too, "dirty little sheet heads!" became his favorite punchline. the final straw was when we discussed his plans to get out and go to college since he was looking at whether to stay in or get out. he wanted to stay in. i reminded him he'd promised to get out. he'd been drinking, and things got ugly. the wives' club at the base was no help, so i started quietly looking into how to divorce jake. then, earlier this year, he died in a car accident. my only feeling was, honestly, relief. i went to his funeral and didn't say anything at the service, but at dinner jake's little sister approached me and said she'd started dating a soldier and wanted to know if i had any advice. my advice? "don't. the military ruined jake and turned the man i loved into a drunk, abusive asshole." jake's family predictably erupted in a firestorm, but more alarmingly to me, my own parents have taken their side. aita? [/INST] nta. you were abused, and they don't want to acknowledge that their son abused you. but that's not okay; their son did abuse you, and they should not try to erase your experiences, even for their positive memory of their son. i am so sorry that this happened to you. </s>
|
AITA for saying I prefer sushi to children?
|
okay so straight to it. my husband and i (both in our early 30s) have been together for over a decade and made the decision to not have kids. i like kids, i have nieces and nephews, we just don't want them for our own reasons. he had a vasectomy which only a few people know about. our families are aware we don't want kids as they've asked this before during different major life events (our wedding for instance).
we recently bought a 3 bedroom home with a nice yard in a nice area. excited to show our new home to family and friends (major upgrade to our previous home), we hosted a housewarming.
during the party, one of my sibling in laws (alex) made a few indirect comments about all this space, and kids would love it in our house etc. eventually they asked point blank when we were having kids.
i made a lighthearted joke about it, which is my go-to for this question. "oh, well, i like sushi too much to have to give it up for a pregnancy. plus not drinking for pregnancy and breastfeeding? no thanks!" i tried to make it very light hearted and laugh it off. most people just laughed along. that seemed to anger alex and i was told "children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else".
i agreed, 'children are a joy, i like spending time with the nieces and nephews, and obviously i can't be a good mom if i chose sushi over kids so i just won't be a mom' (paraphrased). still trying to brush it off in a gentle way because i'm not trying to start a fight by telling them to stop asking in front of everyone because i know my tone will be seen as rude and abrasive.
we move on, but alex is still annoyed and making little comments in their group about how flippant i am about it and how when it finally happens, then i'll understand. my husband heard this and said jokingly said "well, if she gets pregnant, that'll be a problem for the divorce lawyers." that seemed to piss them off more but they stopped.
with holidays coming up, we have not been invited to alex's usual halloween bonfire. when husband spoke to his parents, they told him alex was annoyed we were so careless and callous about our childfree status and to say what we did and they realized we had taken permanent steps to ensure we never had kids. that we know they had to do if to have kids etc. and we are ahs to just not care. i feel bad because they did do if and lots of fertility treatments to have their kids, and even then they still had a few miscarriages. i can't imagine wanting kids and struggling to have them and then deal with miscarriages. but at the same time, i'm so tired of justifying living my life how i want. aita?
| 22,302 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhpf6n/aita_for_saying_i_prefer_sushi_to_children/
|
2021-10-28 15:22:07
|
nta: "a good mother puts her children before anything else" is a really weird thing to say to someone who isn't even a fucking parent.
|
nta. just because they had difficulty having children they don’t get to judge you for choosing to not have children.
regardless, they also don’t get to bring up the topic then act hurt when you give an honest, non offensive answer.
|
nta. my go to funny answer to that question is, "i also like dolphins but i don't have one of those either". alex is taking this way too personally.
|
nta.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. alex was being nosey and rude, and you treated their obnoxious intrusion into your personal, private lives with far more grace then it really deserved lmfao
|
their struggles in having children does not mean they get to push their desires for them onto you.
alex was jealous (of your lack of that struggle) and rude, plain and simple.
nta
|
>"children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else"
but you are not a mom, aren't you ? why should you try to be a good mom if you don't have and don't want kids ?!
and a good person is a person that has enough self-awareness to know they wouldn't make a good parent, and brave enough to go against the society norms. there is nothing wrong in not wanting to bring a kid into their care if it's not their life plan.
and geez, people needs to learn to mind their own business.
nta
|
if life comes and cuts you, it's ok to cry and feel hurt and to ask someone to help to bandage it up and clean the blood and to ask people not to poke the cut, but it does not give you the wright to go bleed over everybody else.
they were in your home, they were the one forcing the subject on you. they were rubbing their bleeding cut all over you.
nta.
|
nta. alex is too sensitive because of infertility issues and probably needs a little therapy to cope with the stress. alex also thick-headed to pursue convo again and again. you don't owe an apology, but maybe a heartfelt 'sorry i hurt your feelings because i know you have struggled alot for your kids that i truly love' might go along way to healing the breach. good luck!
|
[removed]
|
nta
you made an intentionally flippant remark to express something lightheartedly. it was interpreted poorly by someone in the opposite circumstances because alex was too shortsighted to understand that not everything in the world is about their fertility issues.
your choice to be child free is in no way related to alex's frustrated desire to have children. if alex doesn't understand something that simple and continue to snub you for daring to make personal life decisions without thinking of their needs, then throw your own halloween bonfire party next year at your new big house.
congrats on your new home!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so straight to it. my husband and i (both in our early 30s) have been together for over a decade and made the decision to not have kids. i like kids, i have nieces and nephews, we just don't want them for our own reasons. he had a vasectomy which only a few people know about. our families are aware we don't want kids as they've asked this before during different major life events (our wedding for instance). we recently bought a 3 bedroom home with a nice yard in a nice area. excited to show our new home to family and friends (major upgrade to our previous home), we hosted a housewarming. during the party, one of my sibling in laws (alex) made a few indirect comments about all this space, and kids would love it in our house etc. eventually they asked point blank when we were having kids. i made a lighthearted joke about it, which is my go-to for this question. "oh, well, i like sushi too much to have to give it up for a pregnancy. plus not drinking for pregnancy and breastfeeding? no thanks!" i tried to make it very light hearted and laugh it off. most people just laughed along. that seemed to anger alex and i was told "children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else". i agreed, 'children are a joy, i like spending time with the nieces and nephews, and obviously i can't be a good mom if i chose sushi over kids so i just won't be a mom' (paraphrased). still trying to brush it off in a gentle way because i'm not trying to start a fight by telling them to stop asking in front of everyone because i know my tone will be seen as rude and abrasive. we move on, but alex is still annoyed and making little comments in their group about how flippant i am about it and how when it finally happens, then i'll understand. my husband heard this and said jokingly said "well, if she gets pregnant, that'll be a problem for the divorce lawyers." that seemed to piss them off more but they stopped. with holidays coming up, we have not been invited to alex's usual halloween bonfire. when husband spoke to his parents, they told him alex was annoyed we were so careless and callous about our childfree status and to say what we did and they realized we had taken permanent steps to ensure we never had kids. that we know they had to do if to have kids etc. and we are ahs to just not care. i feel bad because they did do if and lots of fertility treatments to have their kids, and even then they still had a few miscarriages. i can't imagine wanting kids and struggling to have them and then deal with miscarriages. but at the same time, i'm so tired of justifying living my life how i want. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so straight to it. my husband and i (both in our early 30s) have been together for over a decade and made the decision to not have kids. i like kids, i have nieces and nephews, we just don't want them for our own reasons. he had a vasectomy which only a few people know about. our families are aware we don't want kids as they've asked this before during different major life events (our wedding for instance). we recently bought a 3 bedroom home with a nice yard in a nice area. excited to show our new home to family and friends (major upgrade to our previous home), we hosted a housewarming. during the party, one of my sibling in laws (alex) made a few indirect comments about all this space, and kids would love it in our house etc. eventually they asked point blank when we were having kids. i made a lighthearted joke about it, which is my go-to for this question. "oh, well, i like sushi too much to have to give it up for a pregnancy. plus not drinking for pregnancy and breastfeeding? no thanks!" i tried to make it very light hearted and laugh it off. most people just laughed along. that seemed to anger alex and i was told "children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else". i agreed, 'children are a joy, i like spending time with the nieces and nephews, and obviously i can't be a good mom if i chose sushi over kids so i just won't be a mom' (paraphrased). still trying to brush it off in a gentle way because i'm not trying to start a fight by telling them to stop asking in front of everyone because i know my tone will be seen as rude and abrasive. we move on, but alex is still annoyed and making little comments in their group about how flippant i am about it and how when it finally happens, then i'll understand. my husband heard this and said jokingly said "well, if she gets pregnant, that'll be a problem for the divorce lawyers." that seemed to piss them off more but they stopped. with holidays coming up, we have not been invited to alex's usual halloween bonfire. when husband spoke to his parents, they told him alex was annoyed we were so careless and callous about our childfree status and to say what we did and they realized we had taken permanent steps to ensure we never had kids. that we know they had to do if to have kids etc. and we are ahs to just not care. i feel bad because they did do if and lots of fertility treatments to have their kids, and even then they still had a few miscarriages. i can't imagine wanting kids and struggling to have them and then deal with miscarriages. but at the same time, i'm so tired of justifying living my life how i want. aita? [/INST] nta: "a good mother puts her children before anything else" is a really weird thing to say to someone who isn't even a fucking parent. </s>
|
AITA for “weaponizing my femininity” by crying since the teacher wouldn’t stop another student harassing me ?
|
update at the bottom
edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.
| 27,184 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfnpcs/aita_for_weaponizing_my_femininity_by_crying/
|
2022-06-19 05:01:11
|
nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it
|
nta talk to your parents and try to get them to switch you into another class. your teacher shouldn’t be teaching.
|
you’re not the asshole. duncan is discovering that actions have consequences
|
nta
go back to the principal and let her know what your teacher said, as well as what duncan's friends are messaging you about. i know you don't want to get your parents involved, but i'd also suggest you do that.
as it stands, you can't approach mr. smith for non-homophobia related issues right now as well, because i wouldn't trust him to do anything. speak to your principal, and ask if you can be switched to another class.
i should note:
> the principal told me to go directly to her if anything like that happens again
it already has. your teacher's comments were unacceptable, and duncan's friends are being horrific. going to her would simply be doing as she asked you to.
|
nta
duncan is a homophobic jerk who weaponized your teacher against you to get his way.
mr smith is a homophobic and sexist jerk who thinks women should just let guys harass them because \*insert stupid excuse here\*.
i hate that we are not allowed to cry because it is 'weaponizing femininity' or we are being 'hormonal', 'psycho' or 'unreasonable'. women aren't allowed emotions because it might make men feel bad and it sucks.
|
nta. your teacher is as much of a bully as that duncan. he's also a misogynist. seeing how the principal already supported you, you could report mr smith for those comments, he really shouldn't be teaching.
|
nta by a long shot. duncan was wrong and should have been reported long ago. duncan's friends are harassing you. you need to take the principal up on her offer and report them. mr. smith was also way out of line, and he probably should also be reported for his remarks after meeting in ms. yates's office. he should never have approached you like that. his remarks show me that he is probably sexist and probably shouldn't be teaching. i highly doubt you are the first girl to suffer in his class.
you also need to bring in your parents. i know you want to spare them, but they are adults, and it is their job to protect you, not the other way around.
|
nta, your teacher is an incompetent and a misogynist. what you did was get a bully to back off, and i'm actually very impressed with your methodology- had you fought, yelled or insulted duncan back i guarantee you, you both would have been called in and you would have been suspended too.
for the record, duncan is not a "good boy" and he earned his own mark on his record for being a homophobic entitled little shite. tell your dads what is going on, though.
|
nta he’s a bully and a homophobe who uses his religion as an excuse to be cruel. mr. smith sounds like an ah. he probably agrees with duncan. you had a brilliant solution. if his life is ruined because he wa suspended for five days, then maybe he should stfu and mind his own business.
|
nta. guaranteed that teacher is "religious" (we know what that's code word for in situations like that) too. the teacher knows this student isn't trying to understand. its an excuse for hate.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update at the bottom edit2: since many people are sending me dms, me and my dads went to the principal today. will post an update when the situation is solved. [/INST] nta. go back to the principal and tell your dads. this counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it </s>
|
AITA for making my son eat leftovers when everyone else had his favourite meal.
|
throwaway because i don't want this linked to my main. on phone, sorry for formatting.
me (34m) and my wife (35f) have 2 kids. adam (12) and jasmine (8). we both came from cultures where rich people wasted a ton of food, while there was people starving just around the corner. so we're conscious about food waste. also i've seen relatives with kids that were extremely picky eaters and it wasn't something i wanted to deal with.
so when adam was old enough to start being fussy about his food we introduced a new rule. if you don't finish your dinner, it's gonna be your breakfast the next day. this was mainly to get him to finish his veggies. when he was old enough, he started picking his own serving sizes so we weren't forcing him to eat extra. we're both good cooks so he enjoys and finishes most of his meals promptly.
we kinda forgot about the rule for a while until jasmine started becoming fussy recently. so we introduced it again. to make it fair adam is also doing it. last night he over served himself and couldn't finish a lot of his food.
this morning my wife's family came over for breakfast (covid guidelines allow). so she wanted to treat them and made her special french toast and homemade croissants. adam's favourite meal which he got excited for. but when we sat for breakfast he was shocked to find a plate full of leftovers waiting for him. his face got gloomy and he ate in silence. he was too full by the end to eat any of the breakfast.
after breakfast her parents berated us for being "cruel" and "torturing" him. we defended ourselves by saying that it would be unfair on jasmine if her brother gets to avoid his leftovers, but she never does.
now i think i could've been ta because he has been really good about eating his food recently. also we could have just made him finish it for lunch.
so reddit aita?
&#x200b;
| 6,399 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lqschn/aita_for_making_my_son_eat_leftovers_when/
|
2021-02-23 20:35:42
|
yta - this was a special visit and treat. making a single error in portion size then punishing him is really ah when you say adam is usually good about it. making food part of rewards and punishments is exactly how children get eating disorders.
this really disturbed me to read how you punished him for something so minor and ruined what should have been an enjoyable visit.
|
yta - i grew up in a house where we couldn't leave the table until we cleaned our plates. didn't matter if you weren't hungry. didn't matter if it was food you hated. didn't matter if you were usually good about eating your vegetables.
i'm 41 now. i've had a lifetime of problems with food and my weight. food should never be a reward or a punishment. it's just food. it's not a moral or immoral thing.
what you did left a scar. your rigidity left him feeling excluded and disappointed. you're giving them a weird relationship toward food, a thing they will require for the rest of their lives. you could have given it to him for lunch. you already know that was an ahole thing to do.
|
yta
he overserved himself once in years of this "rule," and he gets left out of a family event? the family came over and all had a special meal, his favorite, and you wouldn't let him eat it?
&#x200b;
this "rule" might sound okay on the surface, but just forces unhealthy eating, especially if this is the consequence. it was one time. encourage everyone taking smaller portions to start, and then taking more if they want it.
also, had he taken a "smaller portion," there still would have been leftovers. what would have happened with those leftovers? would they have still be served them, or it's okay to throw those away because they didn't touch someone's plate?
|
gonna say yta on the basis that the "you must clean your plate" rule can create harmful relationships with food altogether.
i'm sure someone will be able to elaborate on that more.
|
yta- if what he served himself was enough to make him full for two full meals then you need to be a better job of helping him regulate his portion sizes. it’s not something a 12 year just magically knows, you need to teach him.
you’re just causing them to have an unhealthy relationship with food by doing this.
|
yta. eating past the point of being full is disordered eating. you are incentivizing your children to eat past the point of being full in order to avoid being served the meal again.
what is your long term goal? is it:
a. teaching your child to stop eating when they’re full, thus avoiding a lifetime of obesity and health issues, or
b. teaching your child to continue eating when they’re full, because a little bit of food not going to waste is more important than their overall health.
i don’t know about you, but my child’s health is my first priority. we do our best to not waste food, however normalizing a child to continue eating past the point of being full can cause a lifetime of disordered eating.
please do better.
|
as a fellow parent, i'm gonna go with yta because i really disagree with your whole approach of eat your leftovers the next day for breakfast. seriously, eat it for dinner the next day, maybe, but breakfast? that's messed.
add to that that this was a bit of a special occasion and his favourite breakfast? yeah, yta.
|
yta, i’m afraid. a special breakfast should be an exception. you punished him for a simple mistake. and you embarrassed him in front of family members. he’s going to remember this for a long time. as a side note, putting this much emphasis on food could cause him to engage in disordered eating (overeating so he doesn’t get punished, for example).
|
yta. this is how you create eating disorders. picky eating is one thing, forcing your child to finish a portion is ingraining a really poor eating habit. it's even worse when you force them to eat it later if they can't finish it. to then deprive that child of a special family meal because of a stupid rule is just cruel.
|
yta
adam wasn't being fussy and refusing to eat his meal. he just got a case of "my eyes are bigger than my stomach" (something that even adults do) and overserved himself. children should ***never*** be forced to clear a plate - it's just one of a dozen ways to trigger an eating disorder.
your rules about food need to be rethought, especially considering that this was not a case of pickiness nor is it an ongoing issue - you said yourself that this is the first time it's happened in years. i get where you are coming from on food waste, but making your kids over eat is not going to do anything to solve world hunger issues.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want this linked to my main. on phone, sorry for formatting. me (34m) and my wife (35f) have 2 kids. adam (12) and jasmine (8). we both came from cultures where rich people wasted a ton of food, while there was people starving just around the corner. so we're conscious about food waste. also i've seen relatives with kids that were extremely picky eaters and it wasn't something i wanted to deal with. so when adam was old enough to start being fussy about his food we introduced a new rule. if you don't finish your dinner, it's gonna be your breakfast the next day. this was mainly to get him to finish his veggies. when he was old enough, he started picking his own serving sizes so we weren't forcing him to eat extra. we're both good cooks so he enjoys and finishes most of his meals promptly. we kinda forgot about the rule for a while until jasmine started becoming fussy recently. so we introduced it again. to make it fair adam is also doing it. last night he over served himself and couldn't finish a lot of his food. this morning my wife's family came over for breakfast (covid guidelines allow). so she wanted to treat them and made her special french toast and homemade croissants. adam's favourite meal which he got excited for. but when we sat for breakfast he was shocked to find a plate full of leftovers waiting for him. his face got gloomy and he ate in silence. he was too full by the end to eat any of the breakfast. after breakfast her parents berated us for being "cruel" and "torturing" him. we defended ourselves by saying that it would be unfair on jasmine if her brother gets to avoid his leftovers, but she never does. now i think i could've been ta because he has been really good about eating his food recently. also we could have just made him finish it for lunch. so reddit aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want this linked to my main. on phone, sorry for formatting. me (34m) and my wife (35f) have 2 kids. adam (12) and jasmine (8). we both came from cultures where rich people wasted a ton of food, while there was people starving just around the corner. so we're conscious about food waste. also i've seen relatives with kids that were extremely picky eaters and it wasn't something i wanted to deal with. so when adam was old enough to start being fussy about his food we introduced a new rule. if you don't finish your dinner, it's gonna be your breakfast the next day. this was mainly to get him to finish his veggies. when he was old enough, he started picking his own serving sizes so we weren't forcing him to eat extra. we're both good cooks so he enjoys and finishes most of his meals promptly. we kinda forgot about the rule for a while until jasmine started becoming fussy recently. so we introduced it again. to make it fair adam is also doing it. last night he over served himself and couldn't finish a lot of his food. this morning my wife's family came over for breakfast (covid guidelines allow). so she wanted to treat them and made her special french toast and homemade croissants. adam's favourite meal which he got excited for. but when we sat for breakfast he was shocked to find a plate full of leftovers waiting for him. his face got gloomy and he ate in silence. he was too full by the end to eat any of the breakfast. after breakfast her parents berated us for being "cruel" and "torturing" him. we defended ourselves by saying that it would be unfair on jasmine if her brother gets to avoid his leftovers, but she never does. now i think i could've been ta because he has been really good about eating his food recently. also we could have just made him finish it for lunch. so reddit aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta - this was a special visit and treat. making a single error in portion size then punishing him is really ah when you say adam is usually good about it. making food part of rewards and punishments is exactly how children get eating disorders. this really disturbed me to read how you punished him for something so minor and ruined what should have been an enjoyable visit. </s>
|
AITA for leaving my wife and our four kids at home to go to the Super Bowl?
|
throwaway account as family members use reddit.
ok, so i (38m) have a wife (36f), and four children (ages 8-14). my buddies and i found some great deals on super bowl tickets in la, so we bought the tickets and we flew out on the day before the super bowl. even though neither the rams nor the bengals are my favorite team, i was very excited to watch the halftime show with some of my favorite rappers in it. should also note that this was the first super bowl i have attended.
here's the catch- the day of the super bowl was also my wife's birthday, and she was planning on just having a day to herself, going to the mall with friends, and getting a spa treatment. however, because i'm out of town, she had to take care of the kids that day. i offered to pay my eldest 200 bucks to take care of the younger siblings while my wife was out, but he said he wanted to go to the gym to hang out with his buddies. my wife wasn't exactly happy with the fact that she had to take care of the kids on her birthday, but i offered to treat her to a date at her favorite restaurant later, and while still sad, she agreed.
however, when i got back home yesterday, she started screaming at me and calling me an asshole. she hasn't spoken to me since and is right now out of the house. aita for going to the super bowl and leaving her with the kids at home?
&#x200b;
| 3,896 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/stel53/aita_for_leaving_my_wife_and_our_four_kids_at/
|
2022-02-15 21:59:37
|
yta but it’s really painfully obvious why. why don’t you just divorce your wife so she can marry someone who actually cares about her?
|
info - so you got a weekend away to have fun. when is her weekend away to have fun?
|
yta - this should have been a discussion *before* you got tickets.
|
yta. your solutions you offered are worthless.
a babysitter doesn't work since your kids have issues with sitters, and those issues fall on her.
the oldest isn't going to keep all the kids out of her hair.
and dinner is absolutely a worthless compensation for you forcing her to cancel her entire day and plans.
|
your wife's birthday is the same day every year.
but still you thought "i know, i'll make plans to be unavailable for an entire weekend *without talking to my wife and life-partner first*"
yta. you're a parent; you need to be more responsible.
|
yta. who prioritizes a game over their wife's birthday? those tickets are thousands of dollars, not including the transportation to get to the games. why didn't you pay for someone else to babysit your kids? you obviously didn't take your wife's feelings into consideration at all since this game was more important to you. you should have planned this out, locked in a sitter (not your unreliable 14 year old son), and made sure your wife was cool with all of this.
|
no debate needed. yta. big time. it wasn't a game that had any great significance for you (team-wise) and you would have been able to see the halftime show much better from home. the fact it included performers you like is irrelevant b/c it's such a short show and not even close to what you'd experience at a proper concert. that you took off with your buddies on a whim proves it wasn't important enough for any of you to plan for it in advance. the fact you did it on her bday *might* have been ok of you had discussed it as a couple and made arrangements in advance for her to have her much-deserved relaxation day at another time (no one can control when the superbowl is scheduled). but you just acted like a selfish teenager when you saw that deal (aka excuse) and neither your wife or kids entered your mind. what makes it worse is that there's no way this is an isolated incident, so your family has likely been putting up with your selfishness for a long time.
|
yta. "oo, opportunity for me to have fun! i'll take it! oh, it completely ruins the day of a person i claim to love. hah – who cares, there will be balls!"
apologise and arrange for her to go away for a spa weekend with her friends while you look after the kids.
|
so a $6-7k weekend off for you that ruins her birthday weekend is worth being made up by “a dinner sometime?” pony up with a serious piece of jewelry here or a $6-7k spa vacation for her. yta
|
yta. hanging out with buddies is more important than your wife's birthday? why is she still married to you?
&#x200b;
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account as family members use reddit. ok, so i (38m) have a wife (36f), and four children (ages 8-14). my buddies and i found some great deals on super bowl tickets in la, so we bought the tickets and we flew out on the day before the super bowl. even though neither the rams nor the bengals are my favorite team, i was very excited to watch the halftime show with some of my favorite rappers in it. should also note that this was the first super bowl i have attended. here's the catch- the day of the super bowl was also my wife's birthday, and she was planning on just having a day to herself, going to the mall with friends, and getting a spa treatment. however, because i'm out of town, she had to take care of the kids that day. i offered to pay my eldest 200 bucks to take care of the younger siblings while my wife was out, but he said he wanted to go to the gym to hang out with his buddies. my wife wasn't exactly happy with the fact that she had to take care of the kids on her birthday, but i offered to treat her to a date at her favorite restaurant later, and while still sad, she agreed. however, when i got back home yesterday, she started screaming at me and calling me an asshole. she hasn't spoken to me since and is right now out of the house. aita for going to the super bowl and leaving her with the kids at home? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account as family members use reddit. ok, so i (38m) have a wife (36f), and four children (ages 8-14). my buddies and i found some great deals on super bowl tickets in la, so we bought the tickets and we flew out on the day before the super bowl. even though neither the rams nor the bengals are my favorite team, i was very excited to watch the halftime show with some of my favorite rappers in it. should also note that this was the first super bowl i have attended. here's the catch- the day of the super bowl was also my wife's birthday, and she was planning on just having a day to herself, going to the mall with friends, and getting a spa treatment. however, because i'm out of town, she had to take care of the kids that day. i offered to pay my eldest 200 bucks to take care of the younger siblings while my wife was out, but he said he wanted to go to the gym to hang out with his buddies. my wife wasn't exactly happy with the fact that she had to take care of the kids on her birthday, but i offered to treat her to a date at her favorite restaurant later, and while still sad, she agreed. however, when i got back home yesterday, she started screaming at me and calling me an asshole. she hasn't spoken to me since and is right now out of the house. aita for going to the super bowl and leaving her with the kids at home? &#x200b; [/INST] yta but it’s really painfully obvious why. why don’t you just divorce your wife so she can marry someone who actually cares about her? </s>
|
AITA for yelling at a little girl to get out of my face
|
my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans.
enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever).
her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid.
i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff.
finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up.
i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!"
people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on.
so reddit, aita?
| 23,874 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6t9kj/aita_for_yelling_at_a_little_girl_to_get_out_of/
|
2019-06-29 02:26:48
|
nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries.
|
nta (the other mother is) you shouldn’t have to watch her kid in a waiting room. she should have kept the kids with her and they shouldn’t be touching your stuff. maybe could have said something directly to the mom but obviously sending her back she should have taken the hint.
|
nta.
the fact that the child practically harassed you and then made it so you couldn’t feed your child would probably drive many people to yelling.
the mother is definitely the biggest asshole. for evidently not being able to control her offsprings. the child isn’t exactly an asshole if they have issues.
|
nta. i say this because if it was your kid doing that everyone would be calling you the asshole. you are not that kids parent, or the kid help, so that kids parent should step up if she wants all the damn kids.
|
nta, normally i'd say you overreacted by yelling at the girl but **she was endangering your newborn** so fuck her feelings. she'll get over it.
|
esh i get you are on your last nerve. i've been there with a fussy baby, but you can't take it out on little kids. you got to be the adult in the room.
|
esh. obviously the mom sucks ass. she should have definitely brought entertainment. i know it’s hard to take care of four kids, especially if one has a disability like you said but god damn, watch your kid.
i personally can’t see how yelling at a disabled kid would help you in that situation. remember, adults talk to adults. i wouldn’t have said you were an asshole if you took that energy to the mom.
|
nta ..people need to care for their children if they are going to take them in public.
|
esh
yeah that situation sound awful. the little girl sounds like a demon. and the mom was apathetic.
you screamed in the face of a 4-6 year old who you think had special needs. i understand why you lost it. but that doesn't make it okay. you're also ta here.
|
nta while you could of handled the situation better, the difference between how you handle an annoying kid vs an annoying adult is thus. you immediately or quickly yell at the adult. for a kid, you are polite, then get their guardian, and if their guardian doesn’t discipline them you try to gently discipline them, but it gets to a point when you have no choice but to yell at them. you didn’t curse or use overly offensive language, so i fail to see the problem. you can’t be excepted to sit there while being tormented by a kid.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my newborn's pediatrician is always so crowded in terms of size of waiting room versus number of people waiting. it requires a certain amount of etiquette re: controlling your fuck kid, because there are no toys, no play area, no real space for shenanigans. enter lady with four kids: a newborn, two toddlers, and a kindergarten aged kid (little girl in question here). she really really should have brought an ipad or a second adult or something because her kids were literally running around this tiny ass space, yelling and screeching. the mom was oblivious to all of her kids except the newborn, who was quietly breastfeeding while mom was glued to her phone screen. accordingly, other people were put in the awkward position of having to discipline her kids. several people had previously tried to put her kids back in line for whatever issue (harassing their kids, being loud, whatever). her kindergarten aged daughter, who clearly had some kind of special needs, was absolutely enamored with my newborn and his stroller. she was asking me if she could push it around (no) she was getting super close to my newborn (stop) and was generally just being annoying. ffs at one point when i wasn't looking and was preoccupied with my own kid, she went digging in my diaper bag and throwing my stuff onto the chair and the floor. my newborn was really fussy because we were there for a sick visit and he wasn't feeling well, and i did not feel like entertaining some strange kid. i tried being polite about it "sweetie where's your mommy?" -points to mom- "ma'am!" -points to kid- the lady would call her kid back, but the kid just kept coming back to me. rinse and repeat. i told her she needed to stay with her mom. little punk deadass says "i don't wanna" and keeps trying to touch my son, my stroller, our stuff. finally, i'm trying to fix a bottle of formula while holding a screaming baby and listening to this little girl like a broken record "why is your baby crying? why is your baby crying! make him stop! i don't like that" and her and her annoying self knocks my bottle of formula off the table and into my stroller. so now i'm out formula, kid still screaming, and i have a huge mess that i don't have a great way to clean up. i'm at my wits end. i raise my voice at this kid. "look what you did. i am not your mom, i am not your babysitter. you are bothering me. get out of my face!!" people looked at me like i was the biggest bitch on earth. a lady speaking spanish actually did call me a bitch. the little girl starts crying. i'm not apologizing. the mom confronts me, i tell her she should have been watching her kid and that's the hill i'm prepared to die on. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. some kids just don't get the point until you raise your voice because their parents have never enforced boundaries. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to attend my gf's bosses wedding?
|
my gf (23f) and me (24m) have been together for over 2 years. while i'm finishing my last year of my degree she has started as a physiotherapist at the start of the month.
she joined a group of practitioners in another village which is 2 hours away from where i study so obviously we don't see eachother as much as we used to. therefore i have promised to keep as much weekends free for her as possible, giving up time with my own family and friends. i don't mind this bc i love her and enjoy spending time with her.
recently her new boss is getting married and invited my gf over to the wedding and said that i could come too. since the wedding falls on a saturday my gf thought i would be coming so she rsvp'd. i am kind of annoyed because i really don't feel like going to a wedding whe i literally don't know a soul and she would know 3 people tops. when i told her (this was like 3 weeks ago) she got mad and said that i already was breaking my promise to her.
i feel like i did not break any promise, i still kept the weekend free for her, like i told her. she is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can't force me to go. i told her she can go if she wants to but that i will be without me. if she wants to spend time together she will not go.
she still calls me an asshole over this, is still mad at me and brings it up anytime she can which drives me nuts. my mom also tells me i'm in the wrong but my friends think i should stand my ground.
tldr:
i refuse to go to the wedding of my gf's new boss because i won't know a soul even though i promised to keep the weekends free for her. this promise doesn't mean i have to do whatever she wants in my opinion.
| 4,634 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w8h0a2/aita_for_not_wanting_to_attend_my_gfs_bosses/
|
2022-07-26 11:10:09
|
yta. you love her, and know that this is important and unavoidable for her. it's not like she's attending a wedding every week.
learn to think of her interests, instead of yours, alone. apologize and attend!
|
yta.
1. your girlfriend wants to go
2. it is important for her (professionally) to attend her boss's wedding
3. you promised to leave the weekends open for her, and
4. you have no other plans that weekend.
yes, sometimes having a girlfriend means attending weddings etc. where you don't know a lot of the people and would prefer not to attend. just like *she* has to have dinner with your parents. i sympathize, but it goes with the territory. if you don't like it, break up — and be alone for the rest of your life, because this sort of thing is likely to happen with *any* significant other.
&#x200b;
>i feel like i did not break any promise, i still kept the weekend free for her, like i told her. she is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can't force me to go. i told her she can go if she wants to but that i will be without me. if she wants to spend time together she will not go.
do you think you can split that hair any finer? yta
|
soft yta.
while both of you have reasonable positions, "i kept the weekend free for her, she doesn't have to go" is catastrophically missing the point to the point of gaslighting her. this is one of those scenarios where a compromise is necessary, and you need to have an adult discussion about what the compromise looks like.
"keeping time free for her, but only on my terms" is not keeping time free for her.
|
yta - she obviously assumed you’d go because you’re her boyfriend and you’re seeing her that weekend. it’s normal to go to social occasions like weddings together; don’t really see your problem
|
esh. she should have asked you before rsvping, as that is just courtesy. you are missing the point of going, though. she wants you to come as her date because she loves you and this is important for her career. it's not about you attending a random wedding. it's about you going with her to an event, both because you care about her and because it's a good idea for her to go so her new boss has a good feeling about her. you have, of course, the right to say no, but she also will feel hurt if you don't go and support her. she probably doesn't want to go, either, and was hoping being with you would make it better.
|
yta. yes, she should have asked first. but you are together for two years and “boss’s wedding at a new job where you are the junior” is more or less a command performance, _especially_ if you live and work in a small village. showing up as her partner is showing up for her and doing the ‘i am half of a couple and committed to my partner and helping her develop her career’ move. assuming this is the first time she’s committed you without your knowledge, talk with her about that, ask her not to do that, then go. if you’ve spoken to her repeatedly asking her to not commit the two of you as a couple to things before asking that might change things.
|
lmao - i love the stories where young men all go "hey we've only dated a few years, why do i have to show any social decorum or maturity at all by going to event where i'd be expected?"
buddy. you're 24 not 14. you're an adult. welcome to being an adult in a relationship. you go to each other's functions.
no you don't have to just do whatever she wants, but a mature adult would have recognized this event as important and gone along with it. she didn't plan or decide for the wedding - you know this isn't her taking over plans.
be a big boy and act like an adult.
why in this sub is it always young straight men not understanding they're not teenagers anymore and have social expectations? women on average pick this up because we're expected to have to pay attention and respond as our social duties change. do more guys just... not pay attention to what's going on around them? obviously most guys pay attention or figure it out, but these stories are always the boyfriend not realizing he's not a teenager anymore and taking it out on the girlfriend.
yta
|
yta - trust your mom.
she is invited to her bosses wedding. not going would be ridiculous. why would you even pretend that's an option for her? your mom understand that part of being in a relationship is supporting another at the occasional work event. you apparently do not... wouldn't you and your friends not expect your gf wife to support you? that seems like a lie.
the whole vibe of your post comes across as insecure and a bit misogynistic although i can't pin point the exact place where that started
|
yta. of course she can't force you to go, but sometimes you have to go to events to support your partner. you aren't going to get very far in a relationship if you're only willing to do things you want to do.
|
yta - you’d know her at the wedding and would get to have a nice dinner and dance with your gf - essentially a “free” date night and would help her get “in” at her work. be a better partner
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf (23f) and me (24m) have been together for over 2 years. while i'm finishing my last year of my degree she has started as a physiotherapist at the start of the month. she joined a group of practitioners in another village which is 2 hours away from where i study so obviously we don't see eachother as much as we used to. therefore i have promised to keep as much weekends free for her as possible, giving up time with my own family and friends. i don't mind this bc i love her and enjoy spending time with her. recently her new boss is getting married and invited my gf over to the wedding and said that i could come too. since the wedding falls on a saturday my gf thought i would be coming so she rsvp'd. i am kind of annoyed because i really don't feel like going to a wedding whe i literally don't know a soul and she would know 3 people tops. when i told her (this was like 3 weeks ago) she got mad and said that i already was breaking my promise to her. i feel like i did not break any promise, i still kept the weekend free for her, like i told her. she is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can't force me to go. i told her she can go if she wants to but that i will be without me. if she wants to spend time together she will not go. she still calls me an asshole over this, is still mad at me and brings it up anytime she can which drives me nuts. my mom also tells me i'm in the wrong but my friends think i should stand my ground. tldr: i refuse to go to the wedding of my gf's new boss because i won't know a soul even though i promised to keep the weekends free for her. this promise doesn't mean i have to do whatever she wants in my opinion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf (23f) and me (24m) have been together for over 2 years. while i'm finishing my last year of my degree she has started as a physiotherapist at the start of the month. she joined a group of practitioners in another village which is 2 hours away from where i study so obviously we don't see eachother as much as we used to. therefore i have promised to keep as much weekends free for her as possible, giving up time with my own family and friends. i don't mind this bc i love her and enjoy spending time with her. recently her new boss is getting married and invited my gf over to the wedding and said that i could come too. since the wedding falls on a saturday my gf thought i would be coming so she rsvp'd. i am kind of annoyed because i really don't feel like going to a wedding whe i literally don't know a soul and she would know 3 people tops. when i told her (this was like 3 weeks ago) she got mad and said that i already was breaking my promise to her. i feel like i did not break any promise, i still kept the weekend free for her, like i told her. she is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can't force me to go. i told her she can go if she wants to but that i will be without me. if she wants to spend time together she will not go. she still calls me an asshole over this, is still mad at me and brings it up anytime she can which drives me nuts. my mom also tells me i'm in the wrong but my friends think i should stand my ground. tldr: i refuse to go to the wedding of my gf's new boss because i won't know a soul even though i promised to keep the weekends free for her. this promise doesn't mean i have to do whatever she wants in my opinion. [/INST] yta. you love her, and know that this is important and unavoidable for her. it's not like she's attending a wedding every week. learn to think of her interests, instead of yours, alone. apologize and attend! </s>
|
AITA for giving my wife tough love about her weight gain?
|
my wife has gained 100lbs since we met. at the beginning of our relationship we bonded over fitness, went to the gym together several times a week, and she was in great shape. she’s 5’3, and went from 115lbs to 215+, most of her weight gain happening in the last two years since her father and sister both passed away and she has been dealing with grief and depression from that. i understand what she’s been going through but the toll it’s taking on her is hard to watch.
her weight gain reached a breaking point for me a few months ago and i just couldn’t bite my tongue anymore. it was like the elephant in the room topic that we never talked about before even though it was obvious she’d been gaining weight, but i finally had to say something. it’s much more than just about her appearance but her health. we used to workout together, go hiking, swimming, etc. and no longer do any of that so it’s effecting our marriage in more ways than one.
when i brought it up, i said i was concerned for her and felt i needed to say something. she broke down crying saying she hasn’t felt or looked like herself in years and blamed it mainly on her grief from her dad and sister passing away. i told her i understand that but she needs to prioritize both her physical and mental health and learn a better way to cope. she agreed to start grief counseling to start working through all this and hopefully turn her health around.
i felt like we had a good conversation and it seemed like we were on the same page but days later she had vented to either her mom or best friend about what we talked about and she approached me about it again and said after talking about it with them she realizes how unfair and harsh i was being and that she feels disrespected. i don’t think i was being harsh at all but approached her with love and support. i know weight is a sensitive issue but how long was i supposed to ignore it for? it’s been 4 days and she hasn’t spoken to me since then because she said i need to apologize but i don’t think i need to.
aita?
| 4,155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/omh0ex/aita_for_giving_my_wife_tough_love_about_her/
|
2021-07-18 01:30:40
|
yta
her weight gain reaching a breaking point? her intense grief and depression didn’t concern you? but you reached a breaking point over **her** weight gain? how long were you supposed to ignore it? forever, because you should have been more concerned about her depression not her weight.
|
op, you should probably edit your post to add in all of the information about your wife without the vague “she’s drastically gained weight”.. she went through 2 major traumas and a pregnancy, and now only has her husband home 3 hours a day (but somehow still has time to work out several times a week???)? yes, you are doing it for the good of your family, but that takes nothing away from the fact that she is parenting alone while dealing with a severe grief, stress, and depression.
and in all of that, you broached the subject by talking about her weight?? you may not mean to be an ah, you might be a genuinely concerned husband who just doesn’t understand, but my god…. yta
|
yta. edited to add that op didn’t bother to mention she’s also postpartum with a six month old baby and hes only home 3 hours a day!!!
your wife has suffered two huge losses, is obviously grieving and suffering depression and thusly you think reducing her self-esteem is a great idea. you may want to seriously ask yourself whether you’re doing anything verbally or emotionally you’re doing to contribute to her depression and binging. overeating can be an emotional reaction for many who turn to food to fulfill something that is missing or to cope with harsh criticism. you seem to think grief has a time limit as well.
you claim to care about her “health” and mental status, but you’ve clearly caused her pain. you’re more concerned with being right than her obvious distress. you went into the conversation not referencing concern for her depression or grief, but her weight. sounds like you wouldn’t care about either or if she pursued grief counseling should she still weigh 115 lbs.
it took two years to care and only because her weight bothered you?
so yes, you’re the ah.
more, i’d like to tell her to drop the real dead weight – you.
|
yta… it took you two years to ask your wife about a grief counselor?? and when you finally did it was for your own reasons and not to even really help her mental health
|
yta for writing 3000 words about your wife’s weight gain over the last 2 years but not mentioning that she spent last 15 months *growing a baby inside her, birthing the baby, and then caring for the baby*
|
interesting how you’ve left out the fact that she had a baby six months ago.
your comment history has been quite illuminating.
|
yta. so in two years, she's lost two family members, been through pregnancy and now has a 6m old baby. you're happy having watched her struggle but now you are at breaking point?
|
yta for burying the factor of the 6-month-old baby, so your partner has had 2 close family members die, a global pandemic, and a whole baby to deal with in the past two years. all of which should come ahead of losing weight for you.
|
jesus that poor woman.
|
yta for all the crap you only added in the comments. good god dude. 2 miscarriages and now taking care of her 6 month old baby all by herself?!
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife has gained 100lbs since we met. at the beginning of our relationship we bonded over fitness, went to the gym together several times a week, and she was in great shape. she’s 5’3, and went from 115lbs to 215+, most of her weight gain happening in the last two years since her father and sister both passed away and she has been dealing with grief and depression from that. i understand what she’s been going through but the toll it’s taking on her is hard to watch. her weight gain reached a breaking point for me a few months ago and i just couldn’t bite my tongue anymore. it was like the elephant in the room topic that we never talked about before even though it was obvious she’d been gaining weight, but i finally had to say something. it’s much more than just about her appearance but her health. we used to workout together, go hiking, swimming, etc. and no longer do any of that so it’s effecting our marriage in more ways than one. when i brought it up, i said i was concerned for her and felt i needed to say something. she broke down crying saying she hasn’t felt or looked like herself in years and blamed it mainly on her grief from her dad and sister passing away. i told her i understand that but she needs to prioritize both her physical and mental health and learn a better way to cope. she agreed to start grief counseling to start working through all this and hopefully turn her health around. i felt like we had a good conversation and it seemed like we were on the same page but days later she had vented to either her mom or best friend about what we talked about and she approached me about it again and said after talking about it with them she realizes how unfair and harsh i was being and that she feels disrespected. i don’t think i was being harsh at all but approached her with love and support. i know weight is a sensitive issue but how long was i supposed to ignore it for? it’s been 4 days and she hasn’t spoken to me since then because she said i need to apologize but i don’t think i need to. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife has gained 100lbs since we met. at the beginning of our relationship we bonded over fitness, went to the gym together several times a week, and she was in great shape. she’s 5’3, and went from 115lbs to 215+, most of her weight gain happening in the last two years since her father and sister both passed away and she has been dealing with grief and depression from that. i understand what she’s been going through but the toll it’s taking on her is hard to watch. her weight gain reached a breaking point for me a few months ago and i just couldn’t bite my tongue anymore. it was like the elephant in the room topic that we never talked about before even though it was obvious she’d been gaining weight, but i finally had to say something. it’s much more than just about her appearance but her health. we used to workout together, go hiking, swimming, etc. and no longer do any of that so it’s effecting our marriage in more ways than one. when i brought it up, i said i was concerned for her and felt i needed to say something. she broke down crying saying she hasn’t felt or looked like herself in years and blamed it mainly on her grief from her dad and sister passing away. i told her i understand that but she needs to prioritize both her physical and mental health and learn a better way to cope. she agreed to start grief counseling to start working through all this and hopefully turn her health around. i felt like we had a good conversation and it seemed like we were on the same page but days later she had vented to either her mom or best friend about what we talked about and she approached me about it again and said after talking about it with them she realizes how unfair and harsh i was being and that she feels disrespected. i don’t think i was being harsh at all but approached her with love and support. i know weight is a sensitive issue but how long was i supposed to ignore it for? it’s been 4 days and she hasn’t spoken to me since then because she said i need to apologize but i don’t think i need to. aita? [/INST] yta her weight gain reaching a breaking point? her intense grief and depression didn’t concern you? but you reached a breaking point over **her** weight gain? how long were you supposed to ignore it? forever, because you should have been more concerned about her depression not her weight. </s>
|
AITA for leaving/ghosting my GF that was financially dependent on me without warning after discovering she cheated on me
|
**
| 18,521 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ba0ayr/aita_for_leavingghosting_my_gf_that_was/
|
2019-04-06 03:32:47
|
nta - cheating is what throws away a 7+ year relationship, not the person realizing they deserve better than that. if i were you, hearing that from either set of parents would annoy me to no end. can she not take out a student loan to finish her education? have a conversation for the sake of closure if you feel like you owe her anything, but other than that, be on your merry way.
|
nta, but you may have violated local landlord/tenant laws by changing the locks and engaging in a self-help eviction. you have no obligation to continue a relationship after a violation of trust like this.
|
nta. she is of course completely in the wrong. but i think a relationship of that length deserves a final conversation.
>if i kick her out she will be forced to drop out and waste years of education
not your problem.
|
there's a distinct possibility that she was just using you to get her education and debt paid off. you're nta and you did nothing wrong. it's not your problem if she finishes her education or not, she is an adult and can get a job just like everyone else. no one, especially you, owes her a free education. she has skated along getting all the benefit. if she has time to cheat, she has time to get a job.
|
esh. perhaps i’ve got the unpopular opinion here. reddit is always wanting to go nuclear on cheating sos, which i understand. but yes, you could’ve just given her time to gather her own stuff and leave. it’s really not gonna hurt you to give her a few days to do that. it’s a decent thing to do and even though she cheated, you shared 7 years of your life with her so you know she’s not some monster. she’s just a horrible partner.
|
[deleted]
|
[deleted]
|
nta - she’s a damned user. tell her parents that her new boyfriend can finish paying for her schooling.
and the way you went about it was fine. it was exactly like kicking her out, without the face to face screaming match.
|
esh. did you consider talking to her about this?
look, i don't doubt what she did was beyond heartless and a sign of betrayal to the 7+ years you two spent together. she knew better, yet still decided to do something so gravely wrong without considering all the consequences.
and that actions of hers surely caused a very emotional reaction on your side.
however, as far as i've understood this, you didn't acknowledge her side of the story. yeah, sounds stupid, but cheating does not necessarily mean she hated you and abused your trust and money for the whole time. are all your emotions of 7 years gone suddenly?
you feel betrayed and angry, yes. but it's doubtful whether or not it was alright just throwing all her stuff and her out without both a warning and a talk, plus also blocking her everywhere. she fucked up big time and you punish her like she was your enemy. she broke your heart, you probably destroyed her career.
maybe i'm wrong and actually acting like ta here...and maybe you actually did good by cutting her off. but to me, it rather seems you need to take a few days of rest and talk to her. it sucks. but you hardly will get clarity just by going into extremes.
she acted immorally, you immaturely.
good luck to both of you, still.
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null |
NTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.124463 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
** [/INST] nta - cheating is what throws away a 7+ year relationship, not the person realizing they deserve better than that. if i were you, hearing that from either set of parents would annoy me to no end. can she not take out a student loan to finish her education? have a conversation for the sake of closure if you feel like you owe her anything, but other than that, be on your merry way. </s>
|
AITA for not taking my wife's side and admitting that she overreacted??
|
some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously.
now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there.
anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration.
she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted.
| 16,853 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slugru/aita_for_not_taking_my_wifes_side_and_admitting/
|
2022-02-06 11:21:16
|
yta. these are *your* friends, not hers so, the "brutal honesty" and "jokes" should be aimed at you not your wife. "brutal honesty" is just a way of covering for being an asshole to people, honesty without tact is cruelty. you definitely should have defended your wife, your friend was needlessly cruel.
|
yta and a big one. you let your friends and family mock your wife for something she enjoys, then tells her she should calm down. don’t be surprised if she leaves you one day.
|
yta. this is a passion of your wife, something she really enjoys and can express herself with. you are letting your family and friends stomp on that. i can understand if they don't get it and express that maybe once but making fun of her because of it is a strong no.
also "cancer ward" is mean and disrespectful in so many ways. she wasn't overreacting at all. imagine your passion being diminished and made fun of constantly. it's justified to get worked up over that.
|
info:
>"come on it was a joke!"
explain it, what is funny about it?
|
are they being "brutally honest" or " joking and teasing"? it can't be both. if it is the 1st then yta because what your friend said was cruel even if he believes it. if is the 2nd yta for letting your friends continually tease and bully your wife. no one likes to be made fun of for their appearance, no one.
|
yta - you tell her to calm down, but you don't tell the guys to knock it off? how often do they insult her like this? "brutally honest" is usually a code word for assholes, it's an excuse to let them be as mean as they want and for anyone in the middle to say "you know how they are".
|
info: explain how the comment was funny, please.
|
yta - 'heavy makeup looks on which can be weird', 'i just stared at my wife'....and then ' knowing how great she always looks'. your argument is that her makeup is weird and you just stared at her...but also it's funny because she looks great? if she doesn't know she looks great (which she probably doesn't given you think it's weird) then the jokes weren't funny.
it actually sounds like you don't like her makeup and you're hoping the comments from friends and family will beat her down so she's more acceptable without you having to be honest. i can see you don't want to 'be the bad guy' but she deserves all the info so she can make a decision for herself. if you don't like her makeup then maybe tell her, and let her decide whether to tone it down or wear it regardless.
also, if they don't get on then arrange your own birthdays with the guys and go to dinner with her on a different night.
|
she is absolutely right. that's exactly what you did. that was not just a joke. that was an incredibly cruel thing to say about something your wife loves to do.
i bet she hates all the jokes they make but keeps her mouth shut out of respect for you. you should have respected her in turn and defended her.
because that sucked. you not only let your friends pick at your wife with very nasty jokes (which shouldn't be allowed no matter their personality) but then you sat there in front of them and told her she was being dramatic and to calm down.
you reinforced in them that it's totally okay to bash on your wife, and they now know you won't do anything and will side with them.
yta.
|
yta. what the fuck does that “joke” even mean? how could you possibly consider that funny or her to be overreacting. sounds like you thought it was funny because you hate your wife’s makeup and wanted someone else to say it.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously. now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there. anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration. she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some background: my wife is a makeup artist, she always has those heavy makeup looks on which can be weird for me as guy sometimes, but she loves it and enjoys it so no problems there. though my friends and family tend to make funny, lighthearted comments on her makeup which she seems to take too seriously. now the situation, my 27th birthday was few days ago. we celebrated at a small diner with my guy friends and my wife. now my guy friends are brutally honest and make jokes and tease all the time, my wife knows how they are so no surprises there. anyways, my wife took a miute to use the toilet to get her makeup fixed as me and the boys were chatting. when she got back she asked me how she looked and before i could answer, my friend austin responded by jokingly saying "damn, you look like you just got out of the cancer ward with that heavy makeup on your face!". the rest of the guys started laughing and i just stared at my wife. she got very upset and started arguing with austin about how awful he was. others joined in and there was so much comotion. i felt upset that they were fighting during my birthday celebration. i asked my wife to calm down and take a seat but she asked if i was okay with my friends making fun of her. austin said "come on it was a joke!" i threw my habds up and said that i admit that my wife overreacted because really it was a joke, she lashed out on me and took an uber home. the party was cut short and when i got home we began arguing. i told her she overreacted and that she shouldn't take everything seriously knowing how great she always looks but she turned it into an argument about how i let my friends insult her, and how i should've defended her and her integrity after i basically "forced" thise guys upon her when she was the ine who arranged for this enitre celebration. she kept crying about getting humiliated and me dismissing her feelings and saying she overreacted. [/INST] yta. these are *your* friends, not hers so, the "brutal honesty" and "jokes" should be aimed at you not your wife. "brutal honesty" is just a way of covering for being an asshole to people, honesty without tact is cruelty. you definitely should have defended your wife, your friend was needlessly cruel. </s>
|
AITA for asking my(21M) sister(19F) to consume less menstrual products or I won't buy any for her anymore?
|
my(21m) sister(19f) moved with me ten months ago because she wanted more freedom form our parents.
she's in college and while our parents are paying for her studies, i have to pay for everything else. since she moved with me i handle food, bills, and every other minor expense. she's still looking for a job.
it was no problem at first, i agreed to her moving with me and i was aware of what would come with it. i think i never made her feel like an expense or a burden.
lately though i've been struggling to fit everything in my paycheck, we had to cut on superficial things and i even asked my parents to give me some extra money for sis, otherwise i won't be able to provide for both of us much longer and she'll have to go back home.
here's the problem: she consume way too much menstrual products, to the point where its just a waste and not a necessity.
she likes to be clean and i totally get that, but she uses up to three tampon boxes per month. she told me she has to change tampon every hour, which even i know is excessive.
i asked mum for help and she told me they've been fighting over it ever since sis got her period, because no matter how strong her flow is, she really does waste much more than necessary.
since mum told me so, i decided to ask her to consume less menstrual products.
she got angry, raised her voice and told me she absolutely can't cut on that, she needs every bit of what she uses and i'm just a man so i can't understand.
i raised my voice too and told her that either stop waiting so much or i'll stop buying her any mestual products and she'll have to buy her own.
she got really upset, called me all kind of things and locked herself in her room.
i let it go and decided to talk it through with her when she calmed down.
in the mean time i went out with my friend and told them what happened. to my surprise, the girls said my sister is right and not me nor our mum can possibly know how much products she needs.
i though about and maybe they're right, am i being too harsh on her?
aita?
[edit]: man, you guys are getting me really worried here. a lot of you are saying she could have a medical condition and to go see a doctor. she's not one i can easily work with, so i'm gonna call mum immediately and ask her if she can talk my sister into seeing a gynecologist. thank you for pointing this out, let's hope it's nothing...
| 5,388 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uvze9t/aita_for_asking_my21m_sister19f_to_consume_less/
|
2022-05-23 12:47:11
|
yta
she can’t control her flow and i promise if she’s using one an hour she’s bleeding heavy.
no person that’s menstruating is yanking a barely used, dry as fuck tampon out of their vagina. it feels like sandpaper.
i can’t believe you shouted at her over this.
part of me hopes it’s fake.
|
[removed]
|
nta
i was ready to go with ah, but every hour is crazy and probably very uncomfortable as it will be almost dry tampons which increases the chance that fibres will get stuck in the vagina. i would actually recommend that she seeks some professional help because a) it's not normal, and b) if she actually needs that many tampons then something is wrong medically.
a menstrual cup would be more appropriate here, re-usable and can be emptied as frequently as she likes.
just because you're a man doesn't mean you are ignorant about periods, and in this case, i don't think you are ignorant.
|
came just to say i hope she has access to a doctor bc that seems like a lot of tampons. i'm only one woman, and i know everyone is different. but 3 boxes seems crazy to me.
|
i think nta but hear me out. talk to her, ask her if she's comfortable with you advising for her health and if she is, tell her to go see a gyno.
it could be just an heavy flow, and maybe a doctor will help her understand what amount of products she needs.
or it could be that she really needs that much, and a professional can help her dealing with it in a safe and healthy way.
|
i'm gonna go with nta. however she is right to say that you don't get to judge her use of menstrual products.
the reason i say nta is because it shouldn't be your responsibility to begin with. she is only independent from her parents because she made you the parent instead which is so unfair that i don't even know where to begin. siblings are not parents. she is not your responsibility. she can not claim independence at your expense.
|
nta.
its perfectly acceptable to require her to buy her own products. you are both adults, she is not your child or wife or girlfriend.
|
i personally don’t use tampons…primarily because they are so fucking expensive! changing a tampon hourly (recommended is 4-8 hours) is definitely excessive unless she has a health condition. in that case she needs to see her gp.
sorry to say but if she wants more freedom from her parents, then she needs to start behaving like an adult.
nta.
|
there are reusable menstrual cups if she’s able to go that route. there is a bit of a learning curve. i, myself, have a ridiculously heavy flow and still don’t go through 3 boxes of tampons per month. every woman is different, though. is there a reason she can’t work while going to school to help pay for things?
|
nta.
i get the whole “she can’t control it” argument, but i have no idea why op is financially responsible for anything his sister does. if she hasn’t been able to find a job in 10 months she’s not really looking.
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.057131 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(21m) sister(19f) moved with me ten months ago because she wanted more freedom form our parents. she's in college and while our parents are paying for her studies, i have to pay for everything else. since she moved with me i handle food, bills, and every other minor expense. she's still looking for a job. it was no problem at first, i agreed to her moving with me and i was aware of what would come with it. i think i never made her feel like an expense or a burden. lately though i've been struggling to fit everything in my paycheck, we had to cut on superficial things and i even asked my parents to give me some extra money for sis, otherwise i won't be able to provide for both of us much longer and she'll have to go back home. here's the problem: she consume way too much menstrual products, to the point where its just a waste and not a necessity. she likes to be clean and i totally get that, but she uses up to three tampon boxes per month. she told me she has to change tampon every hour, which even i know is excessive. i asked mum for help and she told me they've been fighting over it ever since sis got her period, because no matter how strong her flow is, she really does waste much more than necessary. since mum told me so, i decided to ask her to consume less menstrual products. she got angry, raised her voice and told me she absolutely can't cut on that, she needs every bit of what she uses and i'm just a man so i can't understand. i raised my voice too and told her that either stop waiting so much or i'll stop buying her any mestual products and she'll have to buy her own. she got really upset, called me all kind of things and locked herself in her room. i let it go and decided to talk it through with her when she calmed down. in the mean time i went out with my friend and told them what happened. to my surprise, the girls said my sister is right and not me nor our mum can possibly know how much products she needs. i though about and maybe they're right, am i being too harsh on her? aita? [edit]: man, you guys are getting me really worried here. a lot of you are saying she could have a medical condition and to go see a doctor. she's not one i can easily work with, so i'm gonna call mum immediately and ask her if she can talk my sister into seeing a gynecologist. thank you for pointing this out, let's hope it's nothing...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(21m) sister(19f) moved with me ten months ago because she wanted more freedom form our parents. she's in college and while our parents are paying for her studies, i have to pay for everything else. since she moved with me i handle food, bills, and every other minor expense. she's still looking for a job. it was no problem at first, i agreed to her moving with me and i was aware of what would come with it. i think i never made her feel like an expense or a burden. lately though i've been struggling to fit everything in my paycheck, we had to cut on superficial things and i even asked my parents to give me some extra money for sis, otherwise i won't be able to provide for both of us much longer and she'll have to go back home. here's the problem: she consume way too much menstrual products, to the point where its just a waste and not a necessity. she likes to be clean and i totally get that, but she uses up to three tampon boxes per month. she told me she has to change tampon every hour, which even i know is excessive. i asked mum for help and she told me they've been fighting over it ever since sis got her period, because no matter how strong her flow is, she really does waste much more than necessary. since mum told me so, i decided to ask her to consume less menstrual products. she got angry, raised her voice and told me she absolutely can't cut on that, she needs every bit of what she uses and i'm just a man so i can't understand. i raised my voice too and told her that either stop waiting so much or i'll stop buying her any mestual products and she'll have to buy her own. she got really upset, called me all kind of things and locked herself in her room. i let it go and decided to talk it through with her when she calmed down. in the mean time i went out with my friend and told them what happened. to my surprise, the girls said my sister is right and not me nor our mum can possibly know how much products she needs. i though about and maybe they're right, am i being too harsh on her? aita? [edit]: man, you guys are getting me really worried here. a lot of you are saying she could have a medical condition and to go see a doctor. she's not one i can easily work with, so i'm gonna call mum immediately and ask her if she can talk my sister into seeing a gynecologist. thank you for pointing this out, let's hope it's nothing... [/INST] yta she can’t control her flow and i promise if she’s using one an hour she’s bleeding heavy. no person that’s menstruating is yanking a barely used, dry as fuck tampon out of their vagina. it feels like sandpaper. i can’t believe you shouted at her over this. part of me hopes it’s fake. </s>
|
AITA for "making fun" of a woman for being in her 40s and single?
|
this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear.
he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring.
yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that.
brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done.
me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol
brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband
me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important
brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced.
me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single
now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference.
aita reddit?
| 39,167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icvnba/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_woman_for_being_in_her/
|
2020-08-19 20:25:19
|
nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself.
|
nta. what the heck, brenda? mind your own single business.
|
obvious nta, brenda was the aggressor (and super condescending, and pretty sexist imo ) and you hit her back with a zinger. now salty brenda wants to play the victim.
ps am i the only one who thinks it's odd that you had to ask the husbands work group for a ride home for him and him not just asking himself?
|
nta. at all. she came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason. on top of that, she interjected herself into your marriage. your retort was logical - what business does she have giving ppl unsolicited marriage advice when she's not in a successful marriage herself?
for the future, dont engage. simply say something like "your remarks are inappropriate. i will not lower myself and respond to such comments. do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say"
|
nta. i don't agree that you were mocking her for being single in her 40s. she was giving unsolicited advise on a subject for which she is unqualified to speak on even if you were looking for advise. same as if you had tooth pain and your mechanic tried to tell you want to do about it. or if you were having problems in the bedroom and a priest tried to advise you. you'd point out your wish to forgo their advise for their lack of qualification and it wouldn't necessarily be mocking them.
|
brenda is rude and sexist. you are nta, but i'm wondering about the group dynamic and how professional these people are with each other. nice come back from you haha!
|
as a 55+ yr old, never married, female nta! her comments would have offense and inappropriate in the 1950’s. seems pretty much on course for 2020. pandemic, killer hornets, hurricane in iowa, mad tornado in florida, returning to the societal roles of the 1820’s; seems on course for the year. doesn’t mean we have to allow or accept it. nta!
|
nta. i love how you responded. i can’t for the life of me understand how any of his coworkers are offended over this, much less to the point they are attacking you.
|
nta - but be flattered, brenda clearly has a crush on your husband (also, his coworkers sound like they suck)
|
nta that was the perfect response. she was super rude like i can’t believe you even put up with that. you need to go to her boss or hr cause she needs to learn to mind her own business.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this whole saga started because my husband took my last name. a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear. he and i are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. it is very helpful to us, so we can't leave the chat. since he changed his name, my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring. yesterday brenda, his coworker and i got into a bit of a spat. i messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car. one of his other coworkers agreed, and i thought that was that. brenda messages the group saying "maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts" i took this as a bad joke initially. my husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. i do wash them, but there's only so much to be done. me: i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol brenda: you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband me: well i work more hours and pay the bills, so i think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it's so important brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. me: i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i "mocked her for being single in her 40s". i don't care if someone is single in their 40s, but i think it's absolute bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out she has no frame of reference. aita reddit? [/INST] nta. i don’t even think i need to explain why. she brought this on herself. </s>
|
AITA for not “doing the laundry correctly?”
|
i moved in with my gf a couple weeks ago and so far things have been going ok. for context, she works as a nurse and i’m currently looking for a job. yesterday while she was working she texted me and asked me to put away the laundry she did that morning before going to work. this already annoyed me because i had just spent an hour applying to jobs and just wanted to relax and watch tv, but i said ok. i never really cared about my clean clothes looking nice or anything while i’m not wearing them so i kinda just cram my clothes in my dresser. i don’t have a ton of clothes so they fit fine. she on the other hand has a lot of clothing. so i finish doing the laundry and go back to watching tv. when she gets home she starts screaming at me and telling me that i didn’t do her laundry correctly. she was mad because i didn’t fold her clothes and just crammed them in the drawers and she couldn’t get her drawers to open easily. i told her that that’s how i do laundry and if she didn’t like it then she should just do it herself. she started screaming at me again and we went to bed angry left for work today without talking to me. aita? i don’t feel like i did anything wrong i think she is just being difficult.
| 4,882 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pwrxxc/aita_for_not_doing_the_laundry_correctly/
|
2021-09-27 22:12:32
|
yta. are you a child? annoyed because you wanted to relax after applying to jobs - are you unemployed? because laundry seems like the least you could do if you're not working. you just crammed her clothes into the dresser? hella lazy. it'd have been better to leave them in a laundry basket than that.
|
yta… obviously. you’re unemployed and you can’t even do the laundry properly? i would love to know your age and gender as well as your partners.
|
yta. quit being lazy and fold the laundry. she’s a nurse, probably on her feet all day, and you were too exhausted to properly fold laundry from sitting down applying for jobs?
|
strategic incompetence. just saw this term last week on this sub, and it seems to fit you very well. do a job poorly so you won't be asked to do it again.
it's a great way to be living on the street a few days from now. no tv for you then.
|
yta. you spent one hour applying for jobs.
unless there are extenuating circumstances, you could have acted like an adult and taken the time to fold her clothes.
could you really not bothered to put some sort of basic effort in??
|
yta - you probably can do every household chore within 8 hours. she probably has shifts longer than that. stop wrinkling her clothes just because you have bad "chore ethic" and actually put them away properly. it doesn't take any time to open a closet and see how someone has their organization set up.
|
yta - it's one thing to not fold your own clothes but to not fold your gf's clothes because you wanted to relax and watch tv while she is busy working is just disrespectful.
|
yta
you did an hour worth of work- that’s great. putting away some laundry won’t take that long, you could have watched tv while folding, but more importantly your partner asked you to do something for them, and you decided to do it begrudgingly. i have a feeling you know she wouldn’t have been ok with you just cramming them in the drawer but you did it anyway. why?
|
yta. how old are you? are you freaking kidding me right now? you were tired from taking one hour to look for a job while your gf is spending hours on her feet dealing with sick patients? yes your are the ass hole. grade a. first class. cream of the crop asshole. you could have folded the damn laundry while watching tv. i mean… wow.
|
yta for this really lazy trolling.
on the offchance you're genuine: why don't you just move out again so you can do what you want and not have to think about another human being? everybody wins that way.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i moved in with my gf a couple weeks ago and so far things have been going ok. for context, she works as a nurse and i’m currently looking for a job. yesterday while she was working she texted me and asked me to put away the laundry she did that morning before going to work. this already annoyed me because i had just spent an hour applying to jobs and just wanted to relax and watch tv, but i said ok. i never really cared about my clean clothes looking nice or anything while i’m not wearing them so i kinda just cram my clothes in my dresser. i don’t have a ton of clothes so they fit fine. she on the other hand has a lot of clothing. so i finish doing the laundry and go back to watching tv. when she gets home she starts screaming at me and telling me that i didn’t do her laundry correctly. she was mad because i didn’t fold her clothes and just crammed them in the drawers and she couldn’t get her drawers to open easily. i told her that that’s how i do laundry and if she didn’t like it then she should just do it herself. she started screaming at me again and we went to bed angry left for work today without talking to me. aita? i don’t feel like i did anything wrong i think she is just being difficult.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i moved in with my gf a couple weeks ago and so far things have been going ok. for context, she works as a nurse and i’m currently looking for a job. yesterday while she was working she texted me and asked me to put away the laundry she did that morning before going to work. this already annoyed me because i had just spent an hour applying to jobs and just wanted to relax and watch tv, but i said ok. i never really cared about my clean clothes looking nice or anything while i’m not wearing them so i kinda just cram my clothes in my dresser. i don’t have a ton of clothes so they fit fine. she on the other hand has a lot of clothing. so i finish doing the laundry and go back to watching tv. when she gets home she starts screaming at me and telling me that i didn’t do her laundry correctly. she was mad because i didn’t fold her clothes and just crammed them in the drawers and she couldn’t get her drawers to open easily. i told her that that’s how i do laundry and if she didn’t like it then she should just do it herself. she started screaming at me again and we went to bed angry left for work today without talking to me. aita? i don’t feel like i did anything wrong i think she is just being difficult. [/INST] yta. are you a child? annoyed because you wanted to relax after applying to jobs - are you unemployed? because laundry seems like the least you could do if you're not working. you just crammed her clothes into the dresser? hella lazy. it'd have been better to leave them in a laundry basket than that. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to talk about my children that I lost in the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami?
|
in 2004, my family and i decided that over the christmas period we’d go on vacation to thailand. my husband had spent some time there as a child and really wanted to go back. i had two small children, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. we arrived on the 23rd of december and were due to go back on the 2nd of january. on the 26th, boxing day, a tsunami hit the resort we were staying in. i was upstairs in our hotel room when it hit, whilst my husband was with our children in the dining area. i prayed that my husband had our children whilst i fought for myself.
my husband and i were reunited three days later, and he told me that the tsunami hit before he managed to grab our children. we stayed in thailand for 4 months hoping our children were being kept somewhere with us presumed dead, but after searching pretty much everywhere, we presumed the worst and returned home which was the hardest thing we’ve ever done.
i didn’t deal with the loss well, nor did my husband, and we ended up divorcing three years later. we couldn’t even look at pictures of the kids, and broke down just looking at each other. my family have always been as respectful as they can, apart from my mother.
my mother and i have never had a good relationship. she was heavily addicted to drugs when i was born, and was in and out of my life until i was 15 when she sobered up. i was full of resentment and left the family home at 16 and we went about ten years without talking.
over the quarantine period, i have been staying with my sister and her family, and they also let my mom live with them. my mom will make dinners extremely uncomfortable for me by telling my nieces about the cousins they never got to meet, and how she felt when she found out, even though we weren’t talking at the time.
last night i finally snapped. we were sitting having dinner when my mom asked how my now ex husband is. i told her i don’t know, as i don’t, we haven’t spoken that often since we divorced. she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive, i asked how the fuck i was meant to know. she told me to stop being a bitch and i told her to stop bringing up my dead children. my nieces started getting upset because we were shouting, my sister told me to calm down as they’re all allowed to grieve too, which i completely disagree with.
i left my sisters house and to a hotel not too far away because i seriously can’t take it anymore, but my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children. aita?
| 19,358 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8wnjg/aita_for_not_wanting_to_talk_about_my_children/
|
2020-06-14 16:15:52
|
nta your mom was purposely digging into you for a reaction. im sorry for your loss and i hope the distance from your family who dont respect your boundaries gives you some better peace.
|
nta. it’s like your mom is looking to rub salt in a wound
|
nta. yes, the loss of your children extends to your family, and even their friends and your own friends who have met them, but no one will feel it greater than you and your husband. it sounds like you and your mother/sister grieve in opposing ways: you do not want to talk about your children, but your mother and sister want to include them in their lives and talk/think about them regularly.
your mother crossed a line by bringing up your children despite knowing your feelings, then again by asking if you and your husband would still be together if they were alive (a question that only serves to be extremely nosey, cold hearted, and condescending). your sister also crossed a line by calling you an asshole since losing your children. it sounds like they simply cannot understand your feelings and think that you should be processing your grief more like they are and are frustrated that you aren't.
i think getting space away from them and going to the hotel was a great idea, but it might be time to think about next steps. living with your sister and mother might not be good for your mental health, and it maybe it's time to start thinking about a different place to wait out the rest of the quarantine where you won't be bombarded with shit like this and your feelings will be respected.
|
nta - "you've become a serious asshole since losing your children"
what the fuck is she expecting? holy fuck get out of there and get away from those people.
|
holy mother of god no! nta to infinity. oh my god i want to beat them all up for you (metaphorically with stern and harsh words). fuck man i can’t even imagine what you still go through because a person never heals from that wound and how freaking callous of them to not respect your wishes. my heart breaks for you, the utter devastation you and your ex went through deserves all manner of respect and they all need to follow any rules you set up to deal or live after that trauma.
|
nta of course. they're your children and you decide how to grieve their loss.
this
>she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive,
>my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children
wtf? when your sister loses children herself, then she can tell you you're acting like an asshole... until then.
good for you for getting out of that toxic situation.
|
wow. nta. i’m so sorry for you loss. i’m sure you know most marriages don’t survive the loss of a child, let alone two. your family is beyond ignorant about your loss and your wishes. you are absolutely nta.
|
if somebody says “you’ve become a serious asshole since losing your children”, they are a disgusting person, full stop. there’s no excuse for that. there’s no excuse that, ever. nta.
with that said, are you in therapy?
|
nta ur mom seems like still an addict but not drugs or alcohol, i think she is addicted to attention. they are ur children and u have every right to be sad and don't wanna keep remember them (i'm sure u never forget don't take me wrong) and ur mom is just using u to get attention.
|
i was living in thailand during the tsunami, we almost went to the beach that weekend but decided not to at the last minute. two kids in my class were in it and survived, unfortunately two younger kids from my school did not. my dad was with the state department and worked overtime for a month trying to reconnect american families and account for the dead. he still cries whenever there is a tsunami or natural disaster in a movie or tv show. the tsunami was a tragedy that effected so many lives. i'm so so sorry for your loss. nta, your mom is a major ah and completely inconsiderate and cruel. but i highly suggest trying a therapist
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in 2004, my family and i decided that over the christmas period we’d go on vacation to thailand. my husband had spent some time there as a child and really wanted to go back. i had two small children, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. we arrived on the 23rd of december and were due to go back on the 2nd of january. on the 26th, boxing day, a tsunami hit the resort we were staying in. i was upstairs in our hotel room when it hit, whilst my husband was with our children in the dining area. i prayed that my husband had our children whilst i fought for myself. my husband and i were reunited three days later, and he told me that the tsunami hit before he managed to grab our children. we stayed in thailand for 4 months hoping our children were being kept somewhere with us presumed dead, but after searching pretty much everywhere, we presumed the worst and returned home which was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. i didn’t deal with the loss well, nor did my husband, and we ended up divorcing three years later. we couldn’t even look at pictures of the kids, and broke down just looking at each other. my family have always been as respectful as they can, apart from my mother. my mother and i have never had a good relationship. she was heavily addicted to drugs when i was born, and was in and out of my life until i was 15 when she sobered up. i was full of resentment and left the family home at 16 and we went about ten years without talking. over the quarantine period, i have been staying with my sister and her family, and they also let my mom live with them. my mom will make dinners extremely uncomfortable for me by telling my nieces about the cousins they never got to meet, and how she felt when she found out, even though we weren’t talking at the time. last night i finally snapped. we were sitting having dinner when my mom asked how my now ex husband is. i told her i don’t know, as i don’t, we haven’t spoken that often since we divorced. she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive, i asked how the fuck i was meant to know. she told me to stop being a bitch and i told her to stop bringing up my dead children. my nieces started getting upset because we were shouting, my sister told me to calm down as they’re all allowed to grieve too, which i completely disagree with. i left my sisters house and to a hotel not too far away because i seriously can’t take it anymore, but my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in 2004, my family and i decided that over the christmas period we’d go on vacation to thailand. my husband had spent some time there as a child and really wanted to go back. i had two small children, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. we arrived on the 23rd of december and were due to go back on the 2nd of january. on the 26th, boxing day, a tsunami hit the resort we were staying in. i was upstairs in our hotel room when it hit, whilst my husband was with our children in the dining area. i prayed that my husband had our children whilst i fought for myself. my husband and i were reunited three days later, and he told me that the tsunami hit before he managed to grab our children. we stayed in thailand for 4 months hoping our children were being kept somewhere with us presumed dead, but after searching pretty much everywhere, we presumed the worst and returned home which was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. i didn’t deal with the loss well, nor did my husband, and we ended up divorcing three years later. we couldn’t even look at pictures of the kids, and broke down just looking at each other. my family have always been as respectful as they can, apart from my mother. my mother and i have never had a good relationship. she was heavily addicted to drugs when i was born, and was in and out of my life until i was 15 when she sobered up. i was full of resentment and left the family home at 16 and we went about ten years without talking. over the quarantine period, i have been staying with my sister and her family, and they also let my mom live with them. my mom will make dinners extremely uncomfortable for me by telling my nieces about the cousins they never got to meet, and how she felt when she found out, even though we weren’t talking at the time. last night i finally snapped. we were sitting having dinner when my mom asked how my now ex husband is. i told her i don’t know, as i don’t, we haven’t spoken that often since we divorced. she asked if we’d still be together if the kids were alive, i asked how the fuck i was meant to know. she told me to stop being a bitch and i told her to stop bringing up my dead children. my nieces started getting upset because we were shouting, my sister told me to calm down as they’re all allowed to grieve too, which i completely disagree with. i left my sisters house and to a hotel not too far away because i seriously can’t take it anymore, but my sister has called multiple times telling me i’ve become a serious asshole since losing my children. aita? [/INST] nta your mom was purposely digging into you for a reaction. im sorry for your loss and i hope the distance from your family who dont respect your boundaries gives you some better peace. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.