body
stringlengths
1
2k
Time to break out the ol court date clip on tie
I would to totally simp for you. I don't like that girl with the note though.
Stop it.. You're offending Count Olaf!
Did they ever follow up with Teeth 2 The backdoor too?
And a 'free' set of camping gear.
Vincent you already use lube no surprise you work with it
[removed]
You look like tony hawk if he ate tony hawk
[removed]
Linkin Park misses you.
Teeth look plastic. Idk if that's even a roast..just an observation.
It's nice to be delusional, I would be too if my major facial features were basically deserted islands in an ocean.
You look like the type of person who can't take a shit without checking if their horoscope predicted it
You're what we call in Mexico a "pinche cara de molcajete."
Pretty sure your fuckbois have never cared about this angle.
Def the nurse who tells her patients to call her Doctor and thinks they’re just as smart as the physician because they can draw blood and know what HbA1C is
So could Stevie Wonder!
Intentional or non intentional pun?
Probalbly gets a clue after he sees the library of self help books
[deleted]
The definition of what a ‘neckbeard’ is
You look like you joined a christian mission to throw off suspicion that you enjoy penis
[removed]
Please blend your forehead contour!!!!!
She thought Nurse Jackie was required for her certification.
[deleted]
This looks like some low budget porn's thumbnail
Spends most of his time making sure guitar is in the background of every picture he’s in.
That mole getting big enough for a mind of its own.
Proudly licks Scrotems
I bet your cowboy belt has your name on it too. It lets the biker know what name to call out when he’s fucking you from behind. Your wasting kids lives twice as much having 2 watches on js
Ripoff misterbeast
Heh cats
Bruh genetics was not her friend
No he’s saying more like “hope” not a chance
where is your mask
No he’s saying more like “hope” not a chance
the only **chemistry** u can't do is getting a reaction with girl
Harrem williams
So the doctor that has an affair with you...is HE the one to give you the referral for your abortion or is that something you'll figure out on your own?
It is so sad to find out Wednesday Addams and that one guy didn’t work out...
Ogres don’t have feelings
No way, hes about as intimidating as a sack full of kittens, beside shes most likely 300lbs and cant get off the couch
[removed]
You are so cringe...
Your face is so unlikable, even your eye is trying to get away from it
It’s because your thumbs are from a spare parts bin.
OP's Bio: --- >Requested small bio so here goes: >Hobbies include sleeping, not being able to sleep, musical composition, and bothering cats. Likes include the musician Lights, naps, fresh laundry, socks (ankle only). Dislikes include loud noises, Karens, accidental plant homicide. Waited tables for 7 years then worked at a DV shelter and got a dual degree in sociology and business and now work for a nonprofit in the city. 4'11" even though my license says 5'0" so I guess Im a fraud. Mac and cheese. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You look more wacked out then stressed out.
$15 an hour for life
Could you retake the picture? I want a better view of the cat.
Self esteem so low - takes r/roastme selfie with make up on, & a towel?! Did you shower with your head outside the curtain? Bet yo head stank!
70/30
WOOAAHH, Caroline found the heroin
Never before have I got such an immediate, strong "beats women" vibe from someone
I get what you're saying, but I think we'll have to agree to disagree. If he said "you look like a man" that's a joke. If someone said to a black guy "who ate all the fried chicken?" That a racist joke but still a joke. I got no problem with that. But if he said "no one would ever date you because you're black" that's not a joke. It's not funny. Anyone who finds that funny is fucked up. People do, but it should be called out. I'm not trying to be a stick in the mud, just tired of seeing this same old same excuse for a joke used for beautiful women. It is, in itself, a transphobic remark. It should be called out. Wrong sub to make stand? Yep, downvoted all to hell. But transphobes make their home where they do. I appreciate you taking the time to rationalize with me though, truly. Hard to find people who can be humane to one another. Thanks!
Don’t tilt the phone. It’s disappointing
This dude looks like he escaped from a really bad ad on how millenials suck made by boomers, and he was the "cool hippie" millenial
[removed]
[removed]
It's a good thing that she has plants and cats because gravity is NOT her friend
She was too scared to say no
His friends took advantage of his illiteracy and asked him to hold a sign while they took a photo
You look like eleven’s suicidal emo cousin thirteen
She’s wearing a towel because she can’t afford real clothes
You look like Aubrey plaza if she gave up on acting and started a 9 to 5 in a call centre to fund an adderall habit.
Simp radar is going off. Explain yourself. Chrome.
It’s never jiffy
Meth really takes a toll. You got more wrinkles than my balls.
Heroin. Not even once.
All those cats and plants will never land you a husband in life.
Tilting the photo wont hide how crooked your face is.
I hope you can tan well... because you’ll be under that glass ceiling the rest of your life.
Methallica
Here i have a ring for you I hope its not too big
Its Grim Duggan. Without the 2 by four
Just one too many rough relationships, huh?
My baby cousin has a bigger mustache than you- oh, wait, sorry. That’s just dirt from your dumpster
[deleted]
Moped. Would enjoy riding. Wouldn't tell friends.
You are what you eat.
Why is r/roastme even a thing? For it to be a roast it should be personal. Unless you're fucking Sherlock Holmes you're not going to be able to deduce everything about these people from a single picture.
You are one strong wind away from losing that wig and exposing your baldass
Meow meow honey can't get no plow
When did Squidward become a gamer?
Where’s the semi colon tattoo?
You're so fat, taking a photo without cutting off your edges is impossible
Chin dick lamar????? Ron Jeremy and Long Dong Silver would have trouble filling that chin with dick.
Writing that description then uploading that picture is pretty much like showing a circle thenpl putting a caption saying "this is round". We didn't really need the description to guess buddy.
This bitch look like she smells like snake knuckles and sadness
[removed]
Ryan Felipgay.
[deleted]
Forehead lookin like an IMAX screen
She already looks like she been roasting on 450 degrees
This guy looks like he has a charging port instead of an asshole
What year is your Chrysler 200
You look like the first stoner meme after Rage Comics died.
Your boyfriend Aaron called. He misses his power bottom.
Gluing your crushes pubes on your chin doesn’t make you “married.”