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AITA for not wanting to take care of my brother	i (17m) have a brother with autism (19m) who i took care of the majority of my childhood. my parents were primarily absent and both of our older sisters moved out before i turned 6. things turned sour with my father and so i moved in with my sister about a year ago. my brother wants to stay over this weekend, which typically wouldn't be a big deal, but both of my sisters and i all work. my sisters argue that i should be the one to take the time off and take care of my brother, because my job is only part-time while i'm in school. i reminded them they i do pay rent and therefor need to work these hours, and also that i moved out of my dad's house because i didn't want to take care of him. now my siblings are mad at me, insisting im letting personal interest get in the way of the family being together. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yerzo5/aita_for_not_wanting_to_take_care_of_my_brother/	2022-10-27 13:28:19	nta. this is coming from someone who also has an autistic brother. it’s your parents responsibility to care for them and it should have never fallen on you.	nta. your sister’s argument can be turned back against them. if your parents are not there to look after your brother, then it should not fall down to you. that being said, perhaps try to find a more suitable weekend where all of you would share the responsibility of looking after your brother - perhaps your sister’s will be able to understand what you had to do as a child a little bit better with that hands on experience	nta he is just visiting and if it doesn't work with your schedule he will have to visit another time. in this situation it's a shared responsibility between you all and if they insist you have to do it they should compensate you for that.	nta - it's just as much their personal interest getting in the way of the family being together as it is yours. and none of your personal interests is any more (or less) valid than any other. the right solution is for your brother to come some other time when at least one person does not have to work.	nta- tell them to pay you for the time you take care of him, or your portion of rent. either way you shouldn’t have to be forced to take care of him, financials aside	move further away.	nta. you have a full time job (student) and a part time job on top of that. your sister's don't get to tell you that you're letting your personal interests are getting in the way of family togetherness when they are not willing to watch him, either. how is this your responsibility? it isn't. you've been taken advantage of enough by your parents by being forced to watch him basically your whole life (that was your parents' responsibility, not yours). don't let yourself be taken advantage of now. if nobody can watch him, he simply can't come this weekend, end of discussion.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17m) have a brother with autism (19m) who i took care of the majority of my childhood. my parents were primarily absent and both of our older sisters moved out before i turned 6. things turned sour with my father and so i moved in with my sister about a year ago. my brother wants to stay over this weekend, which typically wouldn't be a big deal, but both of my sisters and i all work. my sisters argue that i should be the one to take the time off and take care of my brother, because my job is only part-time while i'm in school. i reminded them they i do pay rent and therefor need to work these hours, and also that i moved out of my dad's house because i didn't want to take care of him. now my siblings are mad at me, insisting im letting personal interest get in the way of the family being together. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (17m) have a brother with autism (19m) who i took care of the majority of my childhood. my parents were primarily absent and both of our older sisters moved out before i turned 6. things turned sour with my father and so i moved in with my sister about a year ago. my brother wants to stay over this weekend, which typically wouldn't be a big deal, but both of my sisters and i all work. my sisters argue that i should be the one to take the time off and take care of my brother, because my job is only part-time while i'm in school. i reminded them they i do pay rent and therefor need to work these hours, and also that i moved out of my dad's house because i didn't want to take care of him. now my siblings are mad at me, insisting im letting personal interest get in the way of the family being together. aita? [/INST] nta. this is coming from someone who also has an autistic brother. it’s your parents responsibility to care for them and it should have never fallen on you. </s>
AITA for being mad that my friend found a teachers personal phone number?	i’m a sophomore in high school and my world history teacher is new to the school and young. admittedly, he’s an attractive man, but also an adult. my friend has sort of a running joke that she is madly in love with him and will do anything to be with him. she acts like a love-crazed serial killer as a joke. yesterday she found his personal phone number, and his personal e-mail. i was telling her it was excessive and when you find his number it becomes something more than a joke. i was genuinely concerned. she said i wasn’t being fun and i was a dick for saying she shouldn’t do that. atia? if i was that teacher i’d be extremely worried. p.s she doesn’t even have him as a teacher.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jeqvq9/aita_for_being_mad_that_my_friend_found_a/	2020-10-20 14:44:11	nta, obviously. this is inappropriate and creepy. you could bring it up with the teacher in private, but i can understand if you wouldn't want to do that.	>she’s always shown an infatuation for older men >robert pattinson ouch. jokes aside, nta.	if you are worried about this situation, it’s time to take control of it, even if it costs you a friendship. she could easily ruin this mans career with what she considers a joke. the friendship probably will not survive your actions, but his livelihood and reputation is more important than her feelings. this is fairly easy info for someone to find out, so she hadn’t really taken it to the extreme yet, but she can in the blink of an eye. talk to the teacher. explain the situation. tell him you aren’t sure how serious she is about her infatuation, but collecting his personal info has made you worried. agree to confirm the situation with the principal if he wants to take this up the chain right away. this is a difficult situation for everyone. nta, but she is for putting you in this situation and thinking it’s funny.	nta at all. i am a teacher and i would be furious if a student managed to get ahold of my personal contact information. her behavior and comments are putting his job and livelihood at risk when he’s done nothing wrong. i’m a woman and when i was a new teacher i had a male student who sent me increasingly inappropriate emails. it was a nightmare to deal with, i was terrified i would get fired despite not replying and immediately had to alert my boss and join the teachers union to ensure i was protected from untrue accusations. i would alert the teacher if you can so he can get ahead of this and inform his administrator about the situation.	i had some infatuations with teachers in school, but i never looked for or acted on finding their personal information. that's bringing it to another level. nta, and i would consider letting the teacher know his information is accessible to students. if your friend does use the information then i would tell the teacher/guidance counsellor or something as well.	nta your friend is creepy and she's mad because you stopped enabling her	nta and i know you don’t want to lose this friendship but what she has done is incredibly creepy and overstepping a hard line. you said the teacher is young, so i doubt he has his personal number and email in his linkedin profile which means she has done some serious digging to find these. i feel at this point if she’s gone this far then she’s willing to go further still. maybe not now, but probably eventually. i have worked in several schools for almost 5 years now, and i know personally one teacher that almost had his life and career ruined because a female student sent him nudes after he gave out his number for a school excursion. this is not a joke, and should not be brushed off so easily. i think you should let the teacher know, or another teacher or person of authority at school. also tell your friend that it’s creepy and she’s crossed a line	nta. i don't see how that's funny.	nta. this is concerning behavior.	nta and this is super weird and could lead to some very bad things for him if she is not mentally okay. tell aomeone	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a sophomore in high school and my world history teacher is new to the school and young. admittedly, he’s an attractive man, but also an adult. my friend has sort of a running joke that she is madly in love with him and will do anything to be with him. she acts like a love-crazed serial killer as a joke. yesterday she found his personal phone number, and his personal e-mail. i was telling her it was excessive and when you find his number it becomes something more than a joke. i was genuinely concerned. she said i wasn’t being fun and i was a dick for saying she shouldn’t do that. atia? if i was that teacher i’d be extremely worried. p.s she doesn’t even have him as a teacher.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m a sophomore in high school and my world history teacher is new to the school and young. admittedly, he’s an attractive man, but also an adult. my friend has sort of a running joke that she is madly in love with him and will do anything to be with him. she acts like a love-crazed serial killer as a joke. yesterday she found his personal phone number, and his personal e-mail. i was telling her it was excessive and when you find his number it becomes something more than a joke. i was genuinely concerned. she said i wasn’t being fun and i was a dick for saying she shouldn’t do that. atia? if i was that teacher i’d be extremely worried. p.s she doesn’t even have him as a teacher. [/INST] nta, obviously. this is inappropriate and creepy. you could bring it up with the teacher in private, but i can understand if you wouldn't want to do that. </s>
AITA because my boyfriend’s daughter calls me mom	i’ve(22m) been with my boyfriend(26m) for 3 years. he has a 3 year old daughter, usually he used to have her 3 days a week but for last 7 months she has spent most of the time with us. i live with him. this started happening few months ago as well, she suddenly called me mom, i didn’t get that she was talking to me at first but when i got it i just laughed because i found it really funny. then she did it few more times and me and my boyfriend told her that my name’s noah and she should call me noah. she remembered it for a bit and went back to calling me mom, we’ve reminded her multiple times and she usually remembers it for like half an hour. i don’t think it’s that serious, it’s just funny, she’s 3, she’ll get over it and eventually get it that i’m not her mom. her mom picked her up few days ago and called after few hours, really confused, saying that her daughter was crying and asking for mom. my boyfriend told her about and shit went down. she was so mad i can’t even describe it. she called us dickheads for not correcting her and trying to undermine her authority and playing in this ridiculous thing etc etc, i won’t even write everything she yelled since it’d be 5k+ characters.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ik5zd5/aita_because_my_boyfriends_daughter_calls_me_mom/	2020-08-31 20:33:27	nta. she assumed you were encouraging her, and she was blinded by her jealousy into being the asshole. you are fine, mom.	nah i's 's not unusual for small children to do this. >she’ll get over it and eventually get it that i’m not her mom. only if she is corrected before it becomes ingrained. as extreme as her mother's reaction sounds,she was indeed justified to be upset. your boyfriend fucked up, and you are here calling his ex ridiculous. he should apologize and the two of you need to come up with some sort of loving nickname for you.	nta. kids have a funny way of assigning titles to people who care for them and love them. that doesn’t undermine anything. your parents ex is jealous when she should be happy that her daughter has people in her life who love her.	nta. it'd be different if you were actually encouraging it but you aren't. she's 3 and kiddos that age don't understand the significance. to her "mom" means important person. my 2.5yo son is always referring to me, my husband and sometimes his grandma as "mumma". as she gets older and has a better concept of what it means it'll stop and you'll go back to being noah	nta. that's pretty normal of your bf's daughter to do at that age, and you did correct her so you didn't do anything wrong anyway.	nta i take care of kids for a living. kids that age often call several people mom. it's a term for an adult caregiver that they know will get someone's attention. almost every kid has called me mom, even after they can say my name. i get that her mom is miffed but it will stop on its own soon enough.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.001294	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve(22m) been with my boyfriend(26m) for 3 years. he has a 3 year old daughter, usually he used to have her 3 days a week but for last 7 months she has spent most of the time with us. i live with him. this started happening few months ago as well, she suddenly called me mom, i didn’t get that she was talking to me at first but when i got it i just laughed because i found it really funny. then she did it few more times and me and my boyfriend told her that my name’s noah and she should call me noah. she remembered it for a bit and went back to calling me mom, we’ve reminded her multiple times and she usually remembers it for like half an hour. i don’t think it’s that serious, it’s just funny, she’s 3, she’ll get over it and eventually get it that i’m not her mom. her mom picked her up few days ago and called after few hours, really confused, saying that her daughter was crying and asking for mom. my boyfriend told her about and shit went down. she was so mad i can’t even describe it. she called us dickheads for not correcting her and trying to undermine her authority and playing in this ridiculous thing etc etc, i won’t even write everything she yelled since it’d be 5k+ characters.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’ve(22m) been with my boyfriend(26m) for 3 years. he has a 3 year old daughter, usually he used to have her 3 days a week but for last 7 months she has spent most of the time with us. i live with him. this started happening few months ago as well, she suddenly called me mom, i didn’t get that she was talking to me at first but when i got it i just laughed because i found it really funny. then she did it few more times and me and my boyfriend told her that my name’s noah and she should call me noah. she remembered it for a bit and went back to calling me mom, we’ve reminded her multiple times and she usually remembers it for like half an hour. i don’t think it’s that serious, it’s just funny, she’s 3, she’ll get over it and eventually get it that i’m not her mom. her mom picked her up few days ago and called after few hours, really confused, saying that her daughter was crying and asking for mom. my boyfriend told her about and shit went down. she was so mad i can’t even describe it. she called us dickheads for not correcting her and trying to undermine her authority and playing in this ridiculous thing etc etc, i won’t even write everything she yelled since it’d be 5k+ characters. [/INST] nta. she assumed you were encouraging her, and she was blinded by her jealousy into being the asshole. you are fine, mom. </s>
WIBTA if I didn’t pay for my nieces to go to overnight camp?	my husband and i paid for our two nieces to go to summer camp this year because both parents (my husband’s sister and her spouse)are unemployed and have no money. the kids (12 and 9) had a tough year with covid stuff and we thought that they might enjoy some fun outside in nature. our own daughters went (11 and 9) too. they all had a great time. now my in laws have implied that they want us to pay again next summer. i don’t think we should have to pay again but my hub says we set up the expectation. his sister’s husband has always been underemployed or unemployed for years. he’s declared bankruptcy and has literally no savings. sil (despite having a law degree) is not working either because she “wants to stay home with the kids”. we have supported them financially in the past with large loans and other big money gifts. but they still aren’t on their feet and independent. i really don’t want the kids to suffer because their parents are irresponsible and unrealistic, but i do not want to foot the bill for this luxury indefinitely. husband says it will be awful if we send our own girls next summer and not their cousins. i argued that if my in laws think overnight camp is important, they can start saving now or get a job (any job!!!!!) to pay their own way. husband says i’m being stingy and the kids won’t understand. wibta if i said no to a second summer camp tuition bill paid?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q2v2yd/wibta_if_i_didnt_pay_for_my_nieces_to_go_to/	2021-10-06 22:26:50	nta - when i was a kid my parents were frequently broke/out of work. my aunts and uncles paid for things like sleepaway camps and class trips sporadically over the years. but there was absolutely no expectation of them to pay. if they were feeling generous and wanted to they did, if not, they didn't. i didn't hate them for it. i appreciated the adventures i got to go on because my aunt and uncle helped financially.	nta. but i have a compromise. pay for the girls to go to summer camp. cut off all other financial help. you have two entitled adults who won’t work, one being a lawyer. you know that any money you have already loaned them will never be repaid. they need to hit rock bottom and quit being enabled with monetary help. let them know that if the kids are hungry they are welcome to drop them off for dinner if you worry the kids will go hungry.	nta. it was a very nice gesture to invite your nieces. however it is not your responsibility to provide for them. you sil has every right to want to stay home with the kids, but she can’t expect you to pay for her to stay home. that only works if the other partner brings in enough. stop supporting them completely and maybe once in a while give lavish gifts to the girls. but absolutely no money to them. nta	nta but what if you made it their holiday and birthday gifts ?	nta. i don't believe that just because you paid once, that you set an expectation for future camping. if you want to pay that's one thing but i don't think it should be expected. your sil is making the choice to stay home even though it sounds like her family can't afford her to.	>now my in laws have implied that they want us to pay again next summer. i don’t think we should have to pay again but my hub says we set up the expectation. this is literally the definition of entitlement. nta and your husband needs to pull his head out of his rear end and stop enabling this behavior.	nta why would you be expected to pay for another child. that’s insane you have your own kids to financially support and your family need to do better and not push the burden on you.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i paid for our two nieces to go to summer camp this year because both parents (my husband’s sister and her spouse)are unemployed and have no money. the kids (12 and 9) had a tough year with covid stuff and we thought that they might enjoy some fun outside in nature. our own daughters went (11 and 9) too. they all had a great time. now my in laws have implied that they want us to pay again next summer. i don’t think we should have to pay again but my hub says we set up the expectation. his sister’s husband has always been underemployed or unemployed for years. he’s declared bankruptcy and has literally no savings. sil (despite having a law degree) is not working either because she “wants to stay home with the kids”. we have supported them financially in the past with large loans and other big money gifts. but they still aren’t on their feet and independent. i really don’t want the kids to suffer because their parents are irresponsible and unrealistic, but i do not want to foot the bill for this luxury indefinitely. husband says it will be awful if we send our own girls next summer and not their cousins. i argued that if my in laws think overnight camp is important, they can start saving now or get a job (any job!!!!!) to pay their own way. husband says i’m being stingy and the kids won’t understand. wibta if i said no to a second summer camp tuition bill paid?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband and i paid for our two nieces to go to summer camp this year because both parents (my husband’s sister and her spouse)are unemployed and have no money. the kids (12 and 9) had a tough year with covid stuff and we thought that they might enjoy some fun outside in nature. our own daughters went (11 and 9) too. they all had a great time. now my in laws have implied that they want us to pay again next summer. i don’t think we should have to pay again but my hub says we set up the expectation. his sister’s husband has always been underemployed or unemployed for years. he’s declared bankruptcy and has literally no savings. sil (despite having a law degree) is not working either because she “wants to stay home with the kids”. we have supported them financially in the past with large loans and other big money gifts. but they still aren’t on their feet and independent. i really don’t want the kids to suffer because their parents are irresponsible and unrealistic, but i do not want to foot the bill for this luxury indefinitely. husband says it will be awful if we send our own girls next summer and not their cousins. i argued that if my in laws think overnight camp is important, they can start saving now or get a job (any job!!!!!) to pay their own way. husband says i’m being stingy and the kids won’t understand. wibta if i said no to a second summer camp tuition bill paid? [/INST] nta - when i was a kid my parents were frequently broke/out of work. my aunts and uncles paid for things like sleepaway camps and class trips sporadically over the years. but there was absolutely no expectation of them to pay. if they were feeling generous and wanted to they did, if not, they didn't. i didn't hate them for it. i appreciated the adventures i got to go on because my aunt and uncle helped financially. </s>
AITA because I said to my younger brother to stop eating my plant based foods?	my family are all meat eaters, and i'm the only one pursuing a plant based one for various reasons. and to preface this, my brother doesn't really get the whole something belonging to someone, he'd use my clothes/ stuff because "i haven't used it recently" my brother wants to make food for us and wants to use plant based meat so we can have the same thing. i decided on something else that didn't require the fake meat but he was still going to use it for his meal. i jokingly asked, "are you going plant based", he says no and i followed then with "so.. it's out of convenience" (being that it's in the fridge and not the freezer) and he nodded. i don't want to be a dick because he's got social anxiety and is pretty quiet but in the moment i just felt a pang of frustration and said calmly "i would prefer if you didn't use it then because my options are more limited than yours" and he does this thing where he looks all withdrawn and submissive like he's just been told off and i suddenly felt like am i being a dick right now.. its hard to know because he's so inexpressive and quiet. so, aita? edit. ok i get it. i'm the asshole.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k5d099/aita_because_i_said_to_my_younger_brother_to_stop/	2020-12-02 16:52:57	yta you're not paying for the groceries (or i cannot believe you would not have mentioned so, if you had). you live in a household shared with other family members. you choosing to prefer plant-based foods does not make you a gatekeeper for them. if anything, his interest in these items should prompt your family to purchase more of this kind of thing, giving you more options than you have now.	did you buy it?	yta. if you're not the one buying the food it's not yours to claim, your brother is trying to support you in being vegan and trying to include you in family meals and you're trying to stop that which is kinda sucky. another thing, you asking your brother if using the meat free food is out of convenience is a moot point since you dont want him to use it out of convenience of not buying more. being the only vegan in the house doesnt mean you're the only one that's allowed to eat what's in stock.	nta i'm vegan/plant based as well, and i feel your pain here. your brother can be told no on something. it's a fact of life that you're going to be told no at some point and he's gonna have to deal.	going against the grain to say nta. those products are expensive compared to price per serving to most meats. you are contributing money to the food bill, you are the only one that doesn't eat meat, you weren't going to eat the meal and he knew that beforehand. your brother needs to learn how not to be lazy and quit wasting money. it sounds like your brother needs therapy if he can't understand why he is being wasteful and can't take an honest comment about it.	info: did you purchase it? based on your info, yta because you didn’t purchase it. yay you contribute to the food budget out of your wages. i pay rent so technically i contribute to the food budget of my landlord out of my rent. doesn’t mean i get to tell them what they can and can’t cook. buy your own plant based products and put your name on them.	mild yta. i was a vegetarian for a long time before i married a hunter. i definitely get the frustration when people eat all the vegetarian options, leaving you with less or none. that being said, you pay in to a general fund, and food for the household gets bought out of it, and everyone eats that food. i think your options are to a) bring it to your parents attention that your brother is interested in more plant-based foods, so they can shop accordingly or b) start buying some items for you and labeling them as yours.	nta. you can only eat plant-based foods and he can eat meat - there were plenty of other options for him to enjoy. you also weren't rude or mean in your request. it's okay to tell people "no", and every person needs to know how to hear and accept "no" without pouting.	i am going to say esh. it sounds like you didn't purchase the food, but that it was purchased for you. so i think there is a grey area for that sort of thing. if you parents allow everyone to eat whatever, then really he should be allowed to have something they bought. just because you chose to limit your food options, doesn't mean he now has to eat only meat. that being said, i think you are also an asshole for giving into your brother every time he does a little pout. the bigger issue is that your brother has no respect for your things and it seems to be (in your head) leaking into other issues. if he didn't take and use your things without asking, then i don't think him eating some plant based foods would be a problem. it sounds like he wants to do something nice for you. i would let him make you some food, if he wants, to kindle the bond with him a bit more. but i also think you need to have a talk with him and let him know that borrowing your things is making you dislike him. and that it needs to stop.	null	YTA	null	YTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	YTA	NTA	ESH	null	0.774906	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my family are all meat eaters, and i'm the only one pursuing a plant based one for various reasons. and to preface this, my brother doesn't really get the whole something belonging to someone, he'd use my clothes/ stuff because "i haven't used it recently" my brother wants to make food for us and wants to use plant based meat so we can have the same thing. i decided on something else that didn't require the fake meat but he was still going to use it for his meal. i jokingly asked, "are you going plant based", he says no and i followed then with "so.. it's out of convenience" (being that it's in the fridge and not the freezer) and he nodded. i don't want to be a dick because he's got social anxiety and is pretty quiet but in the moment i just felt a pang of frustration and said calmly "i would prefer if you didn't use it then because my options are more limited than yours" and he does this thing where he looks all withdrawn and submissive like he's just been told off and i suddenly felt like am i being a dick right now.. its hard to know because he's so inexpressive and quiet. so, aita? edit. ok i get it. i'm the asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my family are all meat eaters, and i'm the only one pursuing a plant based one for various reasons. and to preface this, my brother doesn't really get the whole something belonging to someone, he'd use my clothes/ stuff because "i haven't used it recently" my brother wants to make food for us and wants to use plant based meat so we can have the same thing. i decided on something else that didn't require the fake meat but he was still going to use it for his meal. i jokingly asked, "are you going plant based", he says no and i followed then with "so.. it's out of convenience" (being that it's in the fridge and not the freezer) and he nodded. i don't want to be a dick because he's got social anxiety and is pretty quiet but in the moment i just felt a pang of frustration and said calmly "i would prefer if you didn't use it then because my options are more limited than yours" and he does this thing where he looks all withdrawn and submissive like he's just been told off and i suddenly felt like am i being a dick right now.. its hard to know because he's so inexpressive and quiet. so, aita? edit. ok i get it. i'm the asshole. [/INST] yta you're not paying for the groceries (or i cannot believe you would not have mentioned so, if you had). you live in a household shared with other family members. you choosing to prefer plant-based foods does not make you a gatekeeper for them. if anything, his interest in these items should prompt your family to purchase more of this kind of thing, giving you more options** than you have now. </s>
AITA for telling my sister that her husband is the reason I don’t visit often?	my sister (30f) got pregnant with my nephew when she was 18. she married the guy that got her pregnant and they have another kid, my niece (10). i just started college this year an hour and a half away from home. before i came to college, i still rarely saw my sister and her kids, maybe twice a year if i’m lucky. they live 45 minutes from my house so it’s not like they live too far to come see us. my family is religious and we were raised southern baptist/methodist. my sister’s husband is holiness. when he and my sister got married, he forced her to be holiness. if you don’t know anything about holiness, the women have to wear skirts all the time, cannot wear makeup, and do not cut their hair. i have short, colored hair and often do my makeup to go out. at my nephew’s birthday i wore ripped jeans, a t shirt, and had my makeup done. since me and my parents were the only people there not holiness, we were looked down upon because me and my mom were wearing pants with makeup on.my sister doesn’t really care about what we wear, but at the party i overheard my sisters husband tell his mom that we should be more considerate of their religion and realize that what we were wearing was unholy anyways. i told my mom and she told me to leave it alone. the next time i visited my sister, we began talking about church and religion, so i mentioned what her husband had said. she told me that he meant well and to basically ignore it. i said “well i can’t ignore it since he refuses to respect me and my parents for what we believe” and she got upset with me and then her husband decided that we needed to talk. i told him that i was sorry that i was so unholy for wearing pants and that i was sorry that i wouldn’t be in the same section of heaven as the holiness but that i was kinda glad i wouldn’t be since they were so uptight as judgemental. i then left and told my sister that he is the reason that i don’t visit more often. my mom and dad are saying that while what i said was true that i shouldn’t have said that, but i felt that it was necessary since he has always looked down on us simply because we don’t believe the same as he does. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y26q5p/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_her_husband_is/	2022-10-12 15:20:38	nta. so much for “holiness” when it comes to premarital sex. the hypocrisy.	nta. religious fundamentalists, of all stripes, are almost always the ah. as it is in this situation.	nta imposing religious beliefs on someone that is not part of that religion is stupid. i try to be tolerant of people's religious beliefs, but i draw the line when they impact me personally in a negative way. abrahamic religions are all about patriarchal control and this sect sounds like it puts extra emphasis on that. the bil is basically in a cult and as such wants everyone to act as if they are in said cult, because anyone that sees an alternative to said strictures will likely opt out of the bils bullcrap.	nta. i have a branch of my family who subscribe to the same belief system (women can't cut their hair, wear pants or makeup, listen to music, dance etc etc etc). those of us in the family who have tattoos are going to hell apparently. to say they are all insufferable is an understatement. we don't visit them and they don't visit us. it works out well for everyone.	so premarital sex is ok in holiness?	nta- anyone who tries to force their religion on someone is the ah. freedom of religion exists and he needs to learn that if he wants others to respect his beliefs, he needs to do the same to theirs.	nta her husband treats you poorly and as a result you don't visit often. there's not really much to judge here. as to whether you should have said what you did, when a person sets the tone of a conversation, they don't get to complain when other people respond to their chosen conversation topic.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (30f) got pregnant with my nephew when she was 18. she married the guy that got her pregnant and they have another kid, my niece (10). i just started college this year an hour and a half away from home. before i came to college, i still rarely saw my sister and her kids, maybe twice a year if i’m lucky. they live 45 minutes from my house so it’s not like they live too far to come see us. my family is religious and we were raised southern baptist/methodist. my sister’s husband is holiness. when he and my sister got married, he forced her to be holiness. if you don’t know anything about holiness, the women have to wear skirts all the time, cannot wear makeup, and do not cut their hair. i have short, colored hair and often do my makeup to go out. at my nephew’s birthday i wore ripped jeans, a t shirt, and had my makeup done. since me and my parents were the only people there not holiness, we were looked down upon because me and my mom were wearing pants with makeup on.my sister doesn’t really care about what we wear, but at the party i overheard my sisters husband tell his mom that we should be more considerate of their religion and realize that what we were wearing was unholy anyways. i told my mom and she told me to leave it alone. the next time i visited my sister, we began talking about church and religion, so i mentioned what her husband had said. she told me that he meant well and to basically ignore it. i said “well i can’t ignore it since he refuses to respect me and my parents for what we believe” and she got upset with me and then her husband decided that we needed to talk. i told him that i was sorry that i was so unholy for wearing pants and that i was sorry that i wouldn’t be in the same section of heaven as the holiness but that i was kinda glad i wouldn’t be since they were so uptight as judgemental. i then left and told my sister that he is the reason that i don’t visit more often. my mom and dad are saying that while what i said was true that i shouldn’t have said that, but i felt that it was necessary since he has always looked down on us simply because we don’t believe the same as he does. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister (30f) got pregnant with my nephew when she was 18. she married the guy that got her pregnant and they have another kid, my niece (10). i just started college this year an hour and a half away from home. before i came to college, i still rarely saw my sister and her kids, maybe twice a year if i’m lucky. they live 45 minutes from my house so it’s not like they live too far to come see us. my family is religious and we were raised southern baptist/methodist. my sister’s husband is holiness. when he and my sister got married, he forced her to be holiness. if you don’t know anything about holiness, the women have to wear skirts all the time, cannot wear makeup, and do not cut their hair. i have short, colored hair and often do my makeup to go out. at my nephew’s birthday i wore ripped jeans, a t shirt, and had my makeup done. since me and my parents were the only people there not holiness, we were looked down upon because me and my mom were wearing pants with makeup on.my sister doesn’t really care about what we wear, but at the party i overheard my sisters husband tell his mom that we should be more considerate of their religion and realize that what we were wearing was unholy anyways. i told my mom and she told me to leave it alone. the next time i visited my sister, we began talking about church and religion, so i mentioned what her husband had said. she told me that he meant well and to basically ignore it. i said “well i can’t ignore it since he refuses to respect me and my parents for what we believe” and she got upset with me and then her husband decided that we needed to talk. i told him that i was sorry that i was so unholy for wearing pants and that i was sorry that i wouldn’t be in the same section of heaven as the holiness but that i was kinda glad i wouldn’t be since they were so uptight as judgemental. i then left and told my sister that he is the reason that i don’t visit more often. my mom and dad are saying that while what i said was true that i shouldn’t have said that, but i felt that it was necessary since he has always looked down on us simply because we don’t believe the same as he does. aita? [/INST] nta. so much for “holiness” when it comes to premarital sex. the hypocrisy. </s>
AITA for having a fishy feeling about my friend who isn't on birth control?	so i'm just texting my friends. she is of course drunk at the moment and she says she wants to go out and "get around." i told her she should really get on birth control first so she could at least do it safely because none of us need to be having babies while we're still living at home with our families working minimum wage part time jobs through college. she, in her drunk mind, thinks the most awesome comeback is "condoms are a thing ya know?" i drop her a little fact that when used perfectly condoms are 98% effective, but humans aren't perfectly so actually they're only 85% effective and that i'd really suggest she go for the arm implant as its effectiveness doesn't get messed up by antibiotics or grape fruit like the pills can be. i only mentioned this because i know she isn't on birth control but was sexually active in the past. she immediately gets all defensive saying "i don't do birth control and don't plan on it." i'm really taken aback because while she's sassy i've never seen her get defensive even while drunk she's more happy go lucky. and i go "whoa there, okay, may i ask why?" and she simply goes "bc i don't" now obviously it probably wasn't the wisest to ask why because clearly it's her choice in the end but this just really waved a whole load of red flags. i know for a fact theres nothing health wise preventing her from using birth control. the reason why i feel suspicious is because she is obsessed with babies, she thinks babies are like the absolute greatest thing ever. her life goal is to eventually get married to whichever guy she likes and have a load of kids with him in some house down south. what concerns me is her baby rabies is gonna override her common sense and she'll end up baby trapping some poor sap. so aita for feeling suspicious about her not being on birth control?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9uua2/aita_for_having_a_fishy_feeling_about_my_friend/	2019-09-27 03:42:19	yta. birth control is a choice and not one you should be making for other people. not everyone wants to take birth control. also, it is possible to get pregnant on the pill just like it is while using a condom. just bc someone is “obsessed” with babies doesn’t mean they’ll just go around purposely getting pregnant. i get your concern, i really do but this isn’t something you should feel the need to have control over.	yeah yta. her immediate comeback despite being drunk was that condoms are a thing. condoms are indeed a thing - and a really fucking good idea. you were not constructive and are way too interested in the going ons in your friend's vag.	yta. hormonal birth control isn't a walk in the park. it's perfectly fair for a woman to chose to rely on condoms, as long as she's otherwise upfront and honest with her partner's about not using birth control and what she would do in the event of an accidental pregnancy.	yta. perfect condom use is seriously not that hard to achieve. the typical rate includes people who sometimes fail to use condoms, put them on halfway through the act, and/or are using condoms made in 1997. condoms are a completely valid primary method of birth control. and they are the best way to prevent stis. if you're fucking around, you should be using condoms every time. an additional method is a good idea, but it isn't a requirement. you come across as a really controlling and judegmental friend here. it isn't your job to decide your friend's method of birth control. she may have totally legit reasons for preferring a barrier method but you've just decided that she wants a random baby.	what on earth? what gives you the right to police her ovulation? yta	yta jesus. i spent the whole time thinking what an annoying self righteous person while reading this. there are many reasons why someone wouldn’t want to use hormonal birth control. two of the possible side effects are weight gain and depression. you don’t get tell someone what kind of birth control they should be using. she’s right, condoms are a thing you know!	yta. majorly. this is none of your business. she could very well just not like the idea of having hormonal birth control because of the plethora of side effects and that’s ok. to insinuate your friend would “baby trap some poor sap” just because she prefers to use condoms is so insulting and frankly means you’re probably not a very good friend.	yta. some men are baby crazy. no reason to assume someone will be "trapped." the notion you have suspicions about a friends reproduction is really creepy.	yta. several points here - why are you so concerned with what she does, she said she used condoms and you want to berate her for that? also, why the hell are you trying to argue and make her do what you think she should while she's drunk? and lots of people thinks babies are the greatest things ever, it doesn't mean they just going to go out fucking everything under the sun till they get one. you sound very judgemental about her loving babies and wanting a house full of them. ultimately none of this is any of your damn business.	yta. it’s not your business to tell her what to do with her body. if she has a child with some “poor sap” (which is weird language, considering he also considered the risks when he decided to have sex w/ her) then that’s still her problem, not yours.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm just texting my friends. she is of course drunk at the moment and she says she wants to go out and "get around." i told her she should really get on birth control first so she could at least do it safely because none of us need to be having babies while we're still living at home with our families working minimum wage part time jobs through college. she, in her drunk mind, thinks the most awesome comeback is "condoms are a thing ya know?" i drop her a little fact that when used perfectly* condoms are 98% effective, but humans aren't perfectly so actually they're only 85% effective and that i'd really suggest she go for the arm implant as its effectiveness doesn't get messed up by antibiotics or grape fruit like the pills can be. i only mentioned this because i know she isn't on birth control but was sexually active in the past. she immediately gets all defensive saying "i don't do birth control and don't plan on it." i'm really taken aback because while she's sassy i've never seen her get defensive even while drunk she's more happy go lucky. and i go "whoa there, okay, may i ask why?" and she simply goes "bc i don't" now obviously it probably wasn't the wisest to ask why because clearly it's her choice in the end but this just really waved a whole load of red flags. i know for a fact theres nothing health wise preventing her from using birth control. the reason why i feel suspicious is because she is obsessed with babies, she thinks babies are like the absolute greatest thing ever. her life goal is to eventually get married to whichever guy she likes and have a load of kids with him in some house down south. what concerns me is her baby rabies is gonna override her common sense and she'll end up baby trapping some poor sap. so aita for feeling suspicious about her not being on birth control?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i'm just texting my friends. she is of course drunk at the moment and she says she wants to go out and "get around." i told her she should really get on birth control first so she could at least do it safely because none of us need to be having babies while we're still living at home with our families working minimum wage part time jobs through college. she, in her drunk mind, thinks the most awesome comeback is "condoms are a thing ya know?" i drop her a little fact that when used perfectly* condoms are 98% effective, but humans aren't perfectly so actually they're only 85% effective and that i'd really suggest she go for the arm implant as its effectiveness doesn't get messed up by antibiotics or grape fruit like the pills can be. i only mentioned this because i know she isn't on birth control but was sexually active in the past. she immediately gets all defensive saying "i don't do birth control and don't plan on it." i'm really taken aback because while she's sassy i've never seen her get defensive even while drunk she's more happy go lucky. and i go "whoa there, okay, may i ask why?" and she simply goes "bc i don't" now obviously it probably wasn't the wisest to ask why because clearly it's her choice in the end but this just really waved a whole load of red flags. i know for a fact theres nothing health wise preventing her from using birth control. the reason why i feel suspicious is because she is obsessed with babies, she thinks babies are like the absolute greatest thing ever. her life goal is to eventually get married to whichever guy she likes and have a load of kids with him in some house down south. what concerns me is her baby rabies is gonna override her common sense and she'll end up baby trapping some poor sap. so aita for feeling suspicious about her not being on birth control? [/INST] yta. birth control is a choice and not one you should be making for other people. not everyone wants to take birth control. also, it is possible to get pregnant on the pill just like it is while using a condom. just bc someone is “obsessed” with babies doesn’t mean they’ll just go around purposely getting pregnant. i get your concern, i really do but this isn’t something you should feel the need to have control over. </s>
AITA for not apologizing	so recently i colored my hair red cause i was bored and wanted to change my look a bit. yesterday my mom invited some of her friends over to a party for something and asked me to go outside and greet them. (some of her friends are suuuupper religious) as i was greeting them one of her friends asked me why i painted my hair and i just responded with “why not”. the friend then went on to say that if she had my hair she would have never colored it and that red didn’t look good on me at all. i didn’t say anything else to her and just went back inside my house. later that night my mom came up to me and said that i was “super rude” and that i needed to apologize to this lady. i told her that i wasn’t going to apologize because i felt like i didn’t do anything wrong and this lady had just commented on my hair because of her religion or smth. anyway fast forward to today when my mom (instead of telling me face to face) just sends me this long ass text message of how i need to apologize for being rude or bake cookies for her friend to apologize for being rude to her. i haven’t apologized and don’t know if i should, aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oh084g/aita_for_not_apologizing/	2021-07-09 17:20:40	nta. no one invited this woman to opine on your hair. while she is entitled to her opinion, you are entitled to ignore her without apology.	nta you didn’t even say anything rude, just ignored her rude comments. you should deserve an apology from her actually	mom's friend ought to be apologizing to you, she was the one that was rude. if mom is so worried about this friend's feelings being so hurt so can bake her some cookies. nta	nta. i don't think your mom understands the definition of "rude." rude is telling someone their hair is ugly. brushing off a rude comment with a phrase like "why not?" is keeping the peace.	nta - you didn’t say anything rude. your mom’s friend did. and then she has the audacity to take this to your mom claiming you were the rude one. (it’s virtually certain that she embellished the situation to your mom, to make you look bad and her like a saint.) this woman is sociopathic.	nta. do not apologize! she pried into your personal choices over your body and she insulted your taste. just because her parents had unprotected sex several decades before your parents had unprotected sex doesn't give her a trump card to being rude and wrong. i personally would die on this hill. do not let your mother or that rude lady get the impression that you in any way condone their out of line behavior or that you accept their disrespect.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so recently i colored my hair red cause i was bored and wanted to change my look a bit. yesterday my mom invited some of her friends over to a party for something and asked me to go outside and greet them. (some of her friends are suuuupper religious) as i was greeting them one of her friends asked me why i painted my hair and i just responded with “why not”. the friend then went on to say that if she had my hair she would have never colored it and that red didn’t look good on me at all. i didn’t say anything else to her and just went back inside my house. later that night my mom came up to me and said that i was “super rude” and that i needed to apologize to this lady. i told her that i wasn’t going to apologize because i felt like i didn’t do anything wrong and this lady had just commented on my hair because of her religion or smth. anyway fast forward to today when my mom (instead of telling me face to face) just sends me this long ass text message of how i need to apologize for being rude or bake cookies for her friend to apologize for being rude to her. i haven’t apologized and don’t know if i should, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so recently i colored my hair red cause i was bored and wanted to change my look a bit. yesterday my mom invited some of her friends over to a party for something and asked me to go outside and greet them. (some of her friends are suuuupper religious) as i was greeting them one of her friends asked me why i painted my hair and i just responded with “why not”. the friend then went on to say that if she had my hair she would have never colored it and that red didn’t look good on me at all. i didn’t say anything else to her and just went back inside my house. later that night my mom came up to me and said that i was “super rude” and that i needed to apologize to this lady. i told her that i wasn’t going to apologize because i felt like i didn’t do anything wrong and this lady had just commented on my hair because of her religion or smth. anyway fast forward to today when my mom (instead of telling me face to face) just sends me this long ass text message of how i need to apologize for being rude or bake cookies for her friend to apologize for being rude to her. i haven’t apologized and don’t know if i should, aita? [/INST] nta. no one invited this woman to opine on your hair. while she is entitled to her opinion, you are entitled to ignore her without apology. </s>
AITAH for asking which apartment a girl lives in after she brought up the fact that we live in the same apartment building?	sorry for the akward title, wasn't sure how to phrase this succinctly also spoilers: compared to a lot of posts here this is probably pretty tame, but it's been bugging me so i thought i would ask. oh my days off from school and/or when i work closing shifts i swing by the local coffee bean to grab coffee and breakfast. one of the girls who works there mentioned she seems me around her apartment building all the time. we realized we both live in the same apartment building called "[street name] court" i was still half asleep from working the closing shift last night so i just absentmindedly said something like "oh wow, i'm in unit 201, which one are you", didn't really think much of it. immediately her tone/body language changed and she said "i'm not telling you that dude" and then i overheard her commenting to her coworker about how oblivious i am for asking. am i the asshole here? like, we established we both live in the same building, i was just trying to continue the conversation before i got my coffee rather than stand there in awkward silence. it's 100% her business if she doesn't want to tell me where she lives, but she was the one who brought up that we live in the same building. i don't know, it's minor but it's had me second guessing myself all morning. maybe i just need more sleep and coffee. e: forgot to mention that this isn't some coffee shop i recently started going to. i've been going there for years, long enough for said employee to memorize my name and usual order also worth noting; our apartment building is only like 30 units. it's really small and saying you live there is already giving out somewhat specific info about where you live	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b2bobx/aitah_for_asking_which_apartment_a_girl_lives_in/	2019-03-17 23:44:45	nah you were just a bit more forward than she was comfortable with, nobody is at fault for the awkward moment	nah. i think it was an intrusive question but she opened the door to it by mentioning that she lives in the same complex as you.	nah. you were out of line asking her that, though you didn't mean anything by it. she asked you if you lived in the building which is normal, but it's not like she asked which unit. she was rightfully weirded out and i'd probably tell a coworker too just in case.	nah. i understand that you didn’t mean anything by it, and that it seemed like a natural flow of conversation. however, from her perspective, a random stranger asking her where she lives is a huge red flag and something women are told to look out for, because unfortunately shitty people exist and this is how they find out personal information.	nta she breached the subject that she sees you around, not the other way around. the fact that she called you oblivious for making casual conversation after saying she saw you around the building make her 100% ta. like had she said "i'm not comfortable telling you that" and remained polite, cool. that's how amicable conversations go, but no she wanted to make you feel shame to her co-workers for a conversation she initiated.	nah. nothing wrong with saying "i see your around in our apartment building" and nothing wrong with asking more about it. asking the specific unit is a bit creepy though--i would have just asked "oh, which floor/wing do you live?" because it makes it seem like you're just making conversation as opposed to trying to figure out exactly where she lives.	nah, it was an innocent question, but make sure to explain that you didn't realize the implications of the question when you asked it and apologize, because if she were to post the same thing from her perspective without an explanation i would have said you were the asshole.	nta. it’s fine if she doesn’t want to tell you, but i think the way she was treating you like a creep was wrong. she should’ve understood you were just tying to make conversation.	null	null	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NAH	NTA	null	null	0.030446	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry for the akward title, wasn't sure how to phrase this succinctly also spoilers: compared to a lot of posts here this is probably pretty tame, but it's been bugging me so i thought i would ask. oh my days off from school and/or when i work closing shifts i swing by the local coffee bean to grab coffee and breakfast. one of the girls who works there mentioned she seems me around her apartment building all the time. we realized we both live in the same apartment building called "[street name] court" i was still half asleep from working the closing shift last night so i just absentmindedly said something like "oh wow, i'm in unit 201, which one are you", didn't really think much of it. immediately her tone/body language changed and she said "i'm not telling you that dude" and then i overheard her commenting to her coworker about how oblivious i am for asking. am i the asshole here? like, we established we both live in the same building, i was just trying to continue the conversation before i got my coffee rather than stand there in awkward silence. it's 100% her business if she doesn't want to tell me where she lives, but she was the one who brought up that we live in the same building. i don't know, it's minor but it's had me second guessing myself all morning. maybe i just need more sleep and coffee. e: forgot to mention that this isn't some coffee shop i recently started going to. i've been going there for years, long enough for said employee to memorize my name and usual order also worth noting; our apartment building is only like 30 units. it's really small and saying you live there is already giving out somewhat specific info about where you live	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> sorry for the akward title, wasn't sure how to phrase this succinctly also spoilers: compared to a lot of posts here this is probably pretty tame, but it's been bugging me so i thought i would ask. oh my days off from school and/or when i work closing shifts i swing by the local coffee bean to grab coffee and breakfast. one of the girls who works there mentioned she seems me around her apartment building all the time. we realized we both live in the same apartment building called "[street name] court" i was still half asleep from working the closing shift last night so i just absentmindedly said something like "oh wow, i'm in unit 201, which one are you", didn't really think much of it. immediately her tone/body language changed and she said "i'm not telling you that dude" and then i overheard her commenting to her coworker about how oblivious i am for asking. am i the asshole here? like, we established we both live in the same building, i was just trying to continue the conversation before i got my coffee rather than stand there in awkward silence. it's 100% her business if she doesn't want to tell me where she lives, but she was the one who brought up that we live in the same building. i don't know, it's minor but it's had me second guessing myself all morning. maybe i just need more sleep and coffee. e: forgot to mention that this isn't some coffee shop i recently started going to. i've been going there for years, long enough for said employee to memorize my name and usual order also worth noting; our apartment building is only like 30 units. it's really small and saying you live there is already giving out somewhat specific info about where you live [/INST] nah you were just a bit more forward than she was comfortable with, nobody is at fault for the awkward moment </s>
AITA for not letting a friend stay over because he brought his dogs?	i (27f) live in a 3-bedroom apartment with my sister, however only 2 of our bedrooms have beds, the third room is tinier so we only keep our clothes there. a few days ago, i got a message from an old friend who lives in another country asking me if he can sleep at my place for 3 nights, as he came to visit our home country with his girlfriend. this was already an issue since my sister or i would have to sleep on the kitchen couch to give them one of the bedrooms (doable though not ideal), but my friend also told me they brought their two dogs. we have a cat and she's not fond of dogs or any other pets, so in order for this to work, we'd have to 'lock' the cat in one of the rooms. i told my friend it's better they find a pet-friendly airbnb, because we really don't have a spare room and i don't want to make our cat uncomfortable to accommodate his dogs. my friend basically said 'fuck the cat, she won't die if she sleeps in the clothes room for a few days' (he was 'joking', didn't say it with malice) but i told him this won't work and i can help him find a pet-friendly airbnb. they ended up coming over (unannounced, just rang and said they were downstairs) with the two dogs and said their airbnb will be ready in an hour so they need somewhere to stay until then. i had to let them in and lock the cat in my bedroom a bit, i was excited to see my friend again honestly but still a bit mad he brought the dogs anyway. not even 10 minutes later, the dogs pooped on our carpet. this pissed me off even if my friend cleaned the mess, the dogs were also barking non-stop and scaring my cat. my friend started complaining about the airbnb prices and how they have to pay a pet tax (no shit) and left pretty quick. the next days he didn't want to hang out because they didn't want to leave the dogs at the apartment (they have attachment issues and can't stay away from their owner - the girlfriend) so we didn't meet at all. now he's mad at me because i couldn't 'compromise' and 'he had to pay so much money for an airbnb'. my friend clearly thinks i'm an asshole but i don't think it's reasonable to expect the people you're visiting to lock their own pet and sleep on a tiny kitchen couch for 3 nights just so you can save some money, especially when you give them no notice. so, reddit, was i the asshole?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vi8s51/aita_for_not_letting_a_friend_stay_over_because/	2022-06-22 16:09:11	nta what an entitled shit. i'm surprised you put up with so much bs just because he's a friend on vacation. who the heck brings their girlfriend and dogs to another country and tries to arrange for couch surfing at the last minute? irresponsible, sounds like a pain in the ass to deal with him and his baggage. the nerve to act like it's your fault.. damn, i'd be fuming if i were you. why the hell did he even need to come over for 1 hour before the bnb? i'd be questioning the friendship if i were you- you're being walked all over and treated like a motel for him.	nta your friend is unreasonable. if you can lock your cat in what basically is a closet, for a couple of days, he can leave the dogs with a sitter at home, for a couple of days🤷 and with the dogs barking nonstop and pooping right off the bat, i don't see them being a good visitor. they knew you wouldn't wellcome them but still tried to push their way.	nta - your friend didn't plan ahead, he was inconsiderate and entitled. if his dogs have separation issues, its because he helped them develop them. and then for him to complain after he showed why he shouldn't be subjecting a friend to his untrained dogs as they don't even seem to be house broken... nope, you're definitely nta	nta i am so tired of people bringing their dogs along and acting like the world can accommodate them without notice.	nta, your friend is delusional. if they can pay to transport 2 dogs on an international flight, they can pay to stay at an airbnb.	nta. this guy isn't your friend. he just wanted a cheap place to stay.	i hate it when dog people say “it’s just a cat”. well, yes it is. but it’s my cat and this is their home so don’t bring your precious fur baby over. nta lol	nope, nta no means no i don't care how well they "cleaned" up after their dog, unless you've steam cleaned the carpet over and over, you still have dog poop under your feet. also, their dogs can't be left alone but your cat can be locked up in a room? find new friends	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (27f) live in a 3-bedroom apartment with my sister, however only 2 of our bedrooms have beds, the third room is tinier so we only keep our clothes there. a few days ago, i got a message from an old friend who lives in another country asking me if he can sleep at my place for 3 nights, as he came to visit our home country with his girlfriend. this was already an issue since my sister or i would have to sleep on the kitchen couch to give them one of the bedrooms (doable though not ideal), but my friend also told me they brought their two dogs. we have a cat and she's not fond of dogs or any other pets, so in order for this to work, we'd have to 'lock' the cat in one of the rooms. i told my friend it's better they find a pet-friendly airbnb, because we really don't have a spare room and i don't want to make our cat uncomfortable to accommodate his dogs. my friend basically said 'fuck the cat, she won't die if she sleeps in the clothes room for a few days' (he was 'joking', didn't say it with malice) but i told him this won't work and i can help him find a pet-friendly airbnb. they ended up coming over (unannounced, just rang and said they were downstairs) with the two dogs and said their airbnb will be ready in an hour so they need somewhere to stay until then. i had to let them in and lock the cat in my bedroom a bit, i was excited to see my friend again honestly but still a bit mad he brought the dogs anyway. not even 10 minutes later, the dogs pooped on our carpet. this pissed me off even if my friend cleaned the mess, the dogs were also barking non-stop and scaring my cat. my friend started complaining about the airbnb prices and how they have to pay a pet tax (no shit) and left pretty quick. the next days he didn't want to hang out because they didn't want to leave the dogs at the apartment (they have attachment issues and can't stay away from their owner - the girlfriend) so we didn't meet at all. now he's mad at me because i couldn't 'compromise' and 'he had to pay so much money for an airbnb'. my friend clearly thinks i'm an asshole but i don't think it's reasonable to expect the people you're visiting to lock their own pet and sleep on a tiny kitchen couch for 3 nights just so you can save some money, especially when you give them no notice. so, reddit, was i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (27f) live in a 3-bedroom apartment with my sister, however only 2 of our bedrooms have beds, the third room is tinier so we only keep our clothes there. a few days ago, i got a message from an old friend who lives in another country asking me if he can sleep at my place for 3 nights, as he came to visit our home country with his girlfriend. this was already an issue since my sister or i would have to sleep on the kitchen couch to give them one of the bedrooms (doable though not ideal), but my friend also told me they brought their two dogs. we have a cat and she's not fond of dogs or any other pets, so in order for this to work, we'd have to 'lock' the cat in one of the rooms. i told my friend it's better they find a pet-friendly airbnb, because we really don't have a spare room and i don't want to make our cat uncomfortable to accommodate his dogs. my friend basically said 'fuck the cat, she won't die if she sleeps in the clothes room for a few days' (he was 'joking', didn't say it with malice) but i told him this won't work and i can help him find a pet-friendly airbnb. they ended up coming over (unannounced, just rang and said they were downstairs) with the two dogs and said their airbnb will be ready in an hour so they need somewhere to stay until then. i had to let them in and lock the cat in my bedroom a bit, i was excited to see my friend again honestly but still a bit mad he brought the dogs anyway. not even 10 minutes later, the dogs pooped on our carpet. this pissed me off even if my friend cleaned the mess, the dogs were also barking non-stop and scaring my cat. my friend started complaining about the airbnb prices and how they have to pay a pet tax (no shit) and left pretty quick. the next days he didn't want to hang out because they didn't want to leave the dogs at the apartment (they have attachment issues and can't stay away from their owner - the girlfriend) so we didn't meet at all. now he's mad at me because i couldn't 'compromise' and 'he had to pay so much money for an airbnb'. my friend clearly thinks i'm an asshole but i don't think it's reasonable to expect the people you're visiting to lock their own pet and sleep on a tiny kitchen couch for 3 nights just so you can save some money, especially when you give them no notice. so, reddit, was i the asshole? [/INST] nta what an entitled shit. i'm surprised you put up with so much bs just because he's a friend on vacation. who the heck brings their girlfriend and dogs to another country and tries to arrange for couch surfing at the last minute? irresponsible, sounds like a pain in the ass to deal with him and his baggage. the nerve to act like it's your fault.. damn, i'd be fuming if i were you. why the hell did he even need to come over for 1 hour before the bnb? i'd be questioning the friendship if i were you- you're being walked all over and treated like a motel for him. </s>
AITA for demanding privacy on my laptop?	hi- i am 14 years old. i recently got a new lenovo legion laptop from my grandparents. when i first got it my father didn’t mind me using it and barely paid any attention. however, recently he’s been using it for rendering video since it’s more powerful than his computer. i am perfectly ok with him using my laptop for stuff, but i tend to get territorial when he starts snooping around in my files. i don’t really have much to hide, with the exception of a few violent video games. whenever he’s browsing through my stuff, i’ll slip in a comment like “i’d appreciate it if you didn’t go through my stuff.” or “i’m going to bed so if you could let me turn off my computer that’d be great.” he always responds very defensively saying that he as my father is entitled to go through my stuff. i am always very responsible and make straight a’s, so i personally don’t see any reason i should be allowed some privacy. i’m i in the wrong here?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebq3la/aita_for_demanding_privacy_on_my_laptop/	2019-12-17 03:23:06	nah. i know this view will not land well in this sub, but here goes: you have the right to be frustrated with him snooping--and he has the right to monitor (at least intermittently) his 14-year-old's computer use.	nah. you are 14. there are predators far beyond what you can comprehend on the internet. there's so much lowkey hatred out there. it's natural for a parent to ensure your safety. the more defensive you get about it, the guiltier you look. once you prove you're chill, he'll likely back off. and shame on the grown ass adult commentors here linking you to shady af software. how disgusting to aid a child into hiding their activities.	nta imo snooping through your computer is no different than tearing apart your bedroom and going through all your stuff. your 14 not 8 i know teenagers do dumb shit. i know i sure did still, but i would hope at 14 you could be trusted to use a computer/internet somewhat responsible enough.	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NAH	NAH	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0.026189	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi- i am 14 years old. i recently got a new lenovo legion laptop from my grandparents. when i first got it my father didn’t mind me using it and barely paid any attention. however, recently he’s been using it for rendering video since it’s more powerful than his computer. i am perfectly ok with him using my laptop for stuff, but i tend to get territorial when he starts snooping around in my files. i don’t really have much to hide, with the exception of a few violent video games. whenever he’s browsing through my stuff, i’ll slip in a comment like “i’d appreciate it if you didn’t go through my stuff.” or “i’m going to bed so if you could let me turn off my computer that’d be great.” he always responds very defensively saying that he as my father is entitled to go through my stuff. i am always very responsible and make straight a’s, so i personally don’t see any reason i should be allowed some privacy. i’m i in the wrong here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi- i am 14 years old. i recently got a new lenovo legion laptop from my grandparents. when i first got it my father didn’t mind me using it and barely paid any attention. however, recently he’s been using it for rendering video since it’s more powerful than his computer. i am perfectly ok with him using my laptop for stuff, but i tend to get territorial when he starts snooping around in my files. i don’t really have much to hide, with the exception of a few violent video games. whenever he’s browsing through my stuff, i’ll slip in a comment like “i’d appreciate it if you didn’t go through my stuff.” or “i’m going to bed so if you could let me turn off my computer that’d be great.” he always responds very defensively saying that he as my father is entitled to go through my stuff. i am always very responsible and make straight a’s, so i personally don’t see any reason i should be allowed some privacy. i’m i in the wrong here? [/INST] nah. i know this view will not land well in this sub, but here goes: you have the right to be frustrated with him snooping--and he has the right to monitor (at least intermittently) his 14-year-old's computer use. </s>
AITA for someone else's kid walking in front of a swing I'm pushing?	i'm down at the park pushing my daughter who is 2 on a swing. there's a few people around, maybe 10 people at this park with swings and slides and tables. there's a guy sitting at one of the tables on his phone (this is relevant later). anyway my wife is there with our small dog about 5-10m away and some random kid wants to pat our dog. i'm pushing my daughter still on the swing (i push from the front because she prefers that way) and i glanced to my left to keep an eye on this small 4-5 year old kid wanting to pat my dog to make sure they don't pull his ears, poke his face etc. i hear a shout and look back, my daughter's swing is on the way down and another 2 year old kid who was on the swing next to ours, has decided to get off and walks in front of her and gets fully cleaned up by the swing. the dad and grandpa come over and take the kid away who is in tears, and get some greasy looks from them. fast forward 5 mins the guy is getting in his car about 50m away and gives me the finger. i decide to check up and apologise for this kid, i walk over to the car and he starts having a go at me why i wasn't watching. i just said to the guy i was watching another kid with my dog and he goes again to say i should've been watching my kid on the swing. i said to the guy "mate you were on your phone you weren't even watching" and i just walk off as i'm getting super pissed off now that i'm being 100% blamed for it. i don't blame the grandpa as he was sitting down as he was tired from chasing the kid around the park, and the kids dad was sitting at a table the entire time on his phone, not even looking after his fukn kid. wife reckons at the end of the day you need to be looking after only your kid, so not my fault. am i the asshole here?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fm6uyg/aita_for_someone_elses_kid_walking_in_front_of_a/	2020-03-21 01:23:38	nta. he should be watching his own kid, you are not responsible for anyone else’s child. while yes, you could have been paying more attention to the swing, ultimately the incident was not your fault.	nta. you made sure your kid was safe and your dog was safe. that’s all that’s your duty. you can’t control someone else’s kid getting in the way. it’s not like you saw him and aimed for him with a swing, you just kept doing your normal task and he got in the way, as 2 year olds do.	nta - that guy should have been watching his child to avoid this. but also, kids run around and get hurt all the time. unfortunately these kinds of accidents happen at playgrounds. i’m honestly shocked that the dad reacted so immaturely to you. weird example to set for his own kid	thanks all for the responses. just feel like shit, i agree i could of been paying more attention to my surroundings, but my immediate focus was on my kid dog and wife.	nta. guy needs to get off his phone and be a dad. i’d like to see him walk in front of a swing.	nta. minor accidents happen all the time on playgrounds, and you tried to de-escalate it.	nta. kids get hit by swings all the time. its happened to most people atleast once in their life. as long as you’re not doing it on purpose or getting any joy out of seeing a kid get hit you’re not an asshole	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm down at the park pushing my daughter who is 2 on a swing. there's a few people around, maybe 10 people at this park with swings and slides and tables. there's a guy sitting at one of the tables on his phone (this is relevant later). anyway my wife is there with our small dog about 5-10m away and some random kid wants to pat our dog. i'm pushing my daughter still on the swing (i push from the front because she prefers that way) and i glanced to my left to keep an eye on this small 4-5 year old kid wanting to pat my dog to make sure they don't pull his ears, poke his face etc. i hear a shout and look back, my daughter's swing is on the way down and another 2 year old kid who was on the swing next to ours, has decided to get off and walks in front of her and gets fully cleaned up by the swing. the dad and grandpa come over and take the kid away who is in tears, and get some greasy looks from them. fast forward 5 mins the guy is getting in his car about 50m away and gives me the finger. i decide to check up and apologise for this kid, i walk over to the car and he starts having a go at me why i wasn't watching. i just said to the guy i was watching another kid with my dog and he goes again to say i should've been watching my kid on the swing. i said to the guy "mate you were on your phone you weren't even watching" and i just walk off as i'm getting super pissed off now that i'm being 100% blamed for it. i don't blame the grandpa as he was sitting down as he was tired from chasing the kid around the park, and the kids dad was sitting at a table the entire time on his phone, not even looking after his fukn kid. wife reckons at the end of the day you need to be looking after only your kid, so not my fault. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm down at the park pushing my daughter who is 2 on a swing. there's a few people around, maybe 10 people at this park with swings and slides and tables. there's a guy sitting at one of the tables on his phone (this is relevant later). anyway my wife is there with our small dog about 5-10m away and some random kid wants to pat our dog. i'm pushing my daughter still on the swing (i push from the front because she prefers that way) and i glanced to my left to keep an eye on this small 4-5 year old kid wanting to pat my dog to make sure they don't pull his ears, poke his face etc. i hear a shout and look back, my daughter's swing is on the way down and another 2 year old kid who was on the swing next to ours, has decided to get off and walks in front of her and gets fully cleaned up by the swing. the dad and grandpa come over and take the kid away who is in tears, and get some greasy looks from them. fast forward 5 mins the guy is getting in his car about 50m away and gives me the finger. i decide to check up and apologise for this kid, i walk over to the car and he starts having a go at me why i wasn't watching. i just said to the guy i was watching another kid with my dog and he goes again to say i should've been watching my kid on the swing. i said to the guy "mate you were on your phone you weren't even watching" and i just walk off as i'm getting super pissed off now that i'm being 100% blamed for it. i don't blame the grandpa as he was sitting down as he was tired from chasing the kid around the park, and the kids dad was sitting at a table the entire time on his phone, not even looking after his fukn kid. wife reckons at the end of the day you need to be looking after only your kid, so not my fault. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. he should be watching his own kid, you are not responsible for anyone else’s child. while yes, you could have been paying more attention to the swing, ultimately the incident was not your fault. </s>
AITA for going off at my mentally disabled sister after she triggered my mental illness?	so i (f/21) have a mentally disabled older sister (f/26). she had muscular hypotrophy when she was born and her brain didnt develop as it should... she's well nowadays and can talk and walk and everything, she's just forever mentally a 13yo and lives with my parents and me. i really love her, but sometimes the patience required to dealing with her is above me and i do things i'm really not proud of. ive had severe depression and anxiety my entire life. ive tried literally every treatment you can think of, and nothing quite worked. recently my cousin who also has mental illness suggested the only treatment that worked for her, but that isnt avaliable on our state. i hopped on a plane on my own and came to watch her do a session so i could decide if i should do it or not, because its really expensive. i watched the whole thing and decided i wouldnt do it for personal reasons. but the day i was supposed to come back to my state i had a really bad crisis and called my mom, who told me she would pay for the treatment and come over to help with the aftermath (this one in particular leaves you very sick after.) the good news is it has been working and i feel better than ever, but i had to stay in this other state for two more weeks to do all the sessions required, and my mom stayed too. my sister however is very attached to our mom and calls every two hours just to talk to her. yesterday i picked up my mom's phone and my sister gave me the cold shoulder, which kind of startled me, because shes usually a sweetheart. i asked her what was wrong and she went off, saying it's my fault she misses her mom so much, that she feels very alone with just our dad and that mom shouldnt have to leave everything behind to take care of me. i had been bottling up so much guilt about being a burden to my parents that i just exploded. i asked if she would rather i felt like shit all the time and tried to off myself again, which made her tear up and mutter a "no". i just hanged up and had a good cry. today i woke up with messages from my other two siblings saying it was a huge overreaction and that im the asshole for basically yelling at a child and i should treat my sister better, but i kind of feel like she should maybe treat me better too? idk man, am i demanding too much of her? aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ofiz8h/aita_for_going_off_at_my_mentally_disabled_sister/	2021-07-07 13:33:35	yta. the “disabled person is x age mentally” is very outdated and ableist. she is not a child or essentially a child, she is an adult with a disability. you also picked up your mom’s phone, she didn’t call you to tell you that. she called to talk to her mom because she was struggling. and when you happened to pick up she wasn’t prepared for that and didn’t speak very tactfully. in response, you absolutely blew up at her and were overly cruel and hostile. you could have told her why you were upset instead, or better yet, given the phone to your mom and spoken to her about your feelings at a later time when she wasn’t in such a bad state.	nah both of you have so many mental issues, i have my own it's not a criticism, that the chances of productive conversation between you for now are zero. i have a sister that i have to limit how i talk to her. or if i talk to her. because she will trigger me, and i will be glad to say the worst things i possibly can to her. but its so toxic to her and me, i need to be the one to take responsibility to our communication. which sucks, it sucks to say i have to be the one to take responsibility and maybe you both don't talk at all for a while. but this is not working, and going forward this way will continue that failure and make it worse.	yta mental illness may explain your behavior, but it does not excuse it. your sister can't help her reaction, but you can.	" i asked if she would rather i felt like shit all the time and tried to off myself again" you may not have been aware of it at the time, but that is emotionally manipulative and incredibly toxic. to give someone else theoretically the responsibility for a suicide attempt is something i have so far only heard from people with bpd. it comes from a place of hurt, but is irresponsible and toxic as hell. someone said this to me once ten years ago. i have never forgotten it, that is how much impact it has. mental illness is very tough on everyone, and i understand she triggered you but one should never give others potentially the responsibility for one's death.	yta. i understand you bottling up guilt due to feeling the same way, but you're reaction to your sister by asking if you should try and off yourself again is wrong. i've had siblings pull that on me whenever i try explaining how their behavior is wrong and its not an ok thing to do. your sister had no right to say what she did to you, but because of her disability, she can't control her emotions the way most people can. try and reach out to her and apologize but try talking to her about how you feel and why your mom needed to be with you too.	no sweetie you’re not an ah. you both need help and support from your parents and just coz she needs it more doesn’t mean she need it all from her parents. an outburst is natural and you two can talk it out. if she really is a forever 13yo she needs to be dealt like that ie being told and explained things repeatedly. your other siblings don’t need to be involved between the two of you’s tussle. sort it out. hope you feel better with the new treatment soon // hugs to you and her	i would say a very light yta, but only very light. as a previous commentor said your mental illness explains your behaviour but doesn't excuse it. both my wife and i also have depression and anxiety and my wife has a sister who is mentally around 5/6 dispite being early 20's. she can be incredibly difficult but my wife will always be patient with her, even while being in the midst of an attack. but saying that i can understand why you exploded at her, best advice i can give is accept that it was probably a bad move even if understandable, apologise to her and explain why you exploded like that. maybe this can actually bring you closer together in the long term. stay strong and good luck with your treatment	null	null	null	YTA	NAH	YTA	null	YTA	null	YTA	null	null	null	0.054	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (f/21) have a mentally disabled older sister (f/26). she had muscular hypotrophy when she was born and her brain didnt develop as it should... she's well nowadays and can talk and walk and everything, she's just forever mentally a 13yo and lives with my parents and me. i really love her, but sometimes the patience required to dealing with her is above me and i do things i'm really not proud of. ive had severe depression and anxiety my entire life. ive tried literally every treatment you can think of, and nothing quite worked. recently my cousin who also has mental illness suggested the only treatment that worked for her, but that isnt avaliable on our state. i hopped on a plane on my own and came to watch her do a session so i could decide if i should do it or not, because its really expensive. i watched the whole thing and decided i wouldnt do it for personal reasons. but the day i was supposed to come back to my state i had a really bad crisis and called my mom, who told me she would pay for the treatment and come over to help with the aftermath (this one in particular leaves you very sick after.) the good news is it has been working and i feel better than ever, but i had to stay in this other state for two more weeks to do all the sessions required, and my mom stayed too. my sister however is very attached to our mom and calls every two hours just to talk to her. yesterday i picked up my mom's phone and my sister gave me the cold shoulder, which kind of startled me, because shes usually a sweetheart. i asked her what was wrong and she went off, saying it's my fault she misses her mom so much, that she feels very alone with just our dad and that mom shouldnt have to leave everything behind to take care of me. i had been bottling up so much guilt about being a burden to my parents that i just exploded. i asked if she would rather i felt like shit all the time and tried to off myself again, which made her tear up and mutter a "no". i just hanged up and had a good cry. today i woke up with messages from my other two siblings saying it was a huge overreaction and that im the asshole for basically yelling at a child and i should treat my sister better, but i kind of feel like she should maybe treat me better too? idk man, am i demanding too much of her? aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i (f/21) have a mentally disabled older sister (f/26). she had muscular hypotrophy when she was born and her brain didnt develop as it should... she's well nowadays and can talk and walk and everything, she's just forever mentally a 13yo and lives with my parents and me. i really love her, but sometimes the patience required to dealing with her is above me and i do things i'm really not proud of. ive had severe depression and anxiety my entire life. ive tried literally every treatment you can think of, and nothing quite worked. recently my cousin who also has mental illness suggested the only treatment that worked for her, but that isnt avaliable on our state. i hopped on a plane on my own and came to watch her do a session so i could decide if i should do it or not, because its really expensive. i watched the whole thing and decided i wouldnt do it for personal reasons. but the day i was supposed to come back to my state i had a really bad crisis and called my mom, who told me she would pay for the treatment and come over to help with the aftermath (this one in particular leaves you very sick after.) the good news is it has been working and i feel better than ever, but i had to stay in this other state for two more weeks to do all the sessions required, and my mom stayed too. my sister however is very attached to our mom and calls every two hours just to talk to her. yesterday i picked up my mom's phone and my sister gave me the cold shoulder, which kind of startled me, because shes usually a sweetheart. i asked her what was wrong and she went off, saying it's my fault she misses her mom so much, that she feels very alone with just our dad and that mom shouldnt have to leave everything behind to take care of me. i had been bottling up so much guilt about being a burden to my parents that i just exploded. i asked if she would rather i felt like shit all the time and tried to off myself again, which made her tear up and mutter a "no". i just hanged up and had a good cry. today i woke up with messages from my other two siblings saying it was a huge overreaction and that im the asshole for basically yelling at a child and i should treat my sister better, but i kind of feel like she should maybe treat me better too? idk man, am i demanding too much of her? aita? [/INST] yta. the “disabled person is x age mentally” is very outdated and ableist. she is not a child or essentially a child, she is an adult with a disability. you also picked up your mom’s phone, she didn’t call you to tell you that. she called to talk to her mom because she was struggling. and when you happened to pick up she wasn’t prepared for that and didn’t speak very tactfully. in response, you absolutely blew up at her and were overly cruel and hostile. you could have told her why you were upset instead, or better yet, given the phone to your mom and spoken to her about your feelings at a later time when she wasn’t in such a bad state. </s>
AITA for calling my dad a racist?	for some background, my dad is from north india and my mom is from south india. south indians are traditionally darker, and have a different accent, than north indians. my dad has always been kind of racist. his family has a bunch of derogatory names for people (jews, christians, east asians/pacific islanders, south indians, etc.). my mom told me that she knows they’re racist, but she never speaks up. because i’ve spent more time with my mom’s family, and i’m closer to them, i seem more south indian than north. because of that, my dad uses nicknames (now classified as racial slurs) for south indians towards me and my mom, and constantly (i’m not exaggerating here) imitates the south indian accent whenever he’s around us. this morning, he was being extra irritating, continuously calling us by that nickname and imitating the south indian accent very loudly. i asked him to stop and he said that he couldn’t help it if my mom spoke like that. i lost it and called him a racist. my mom isn’t upset, but my dad keeps asking me how that makes him a racist, and then proceeds to call me* a racist. idk, am i overreacting or am i in the right?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jx1zc4/aita_for_calling_my_dad_a_racist/	2020-11-19 12:40:56	nta. if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's a racist. i'm sorry you have to deal with that.	nta, 100%. your dad's being a straight-up hypocrite. he just doesn't wanna admit that he's in the wrong, digging his hole deeper and slowly losing his relationship with you. you and your mom don't need someone like this in your lives. cut. him. off.	nta. your dad is a racist and also classist/elitist. call him one every dang time.	nta - it is horrible how your father is acting. it is honestly absurd. you are being a voice of reason by speaking up. though it does seem to fall on deaf ears, i am sorry.	nta, this reminds of one time at school i in bangalore once the assholes called me some unimaginative names like idli sambar, mumble some random bullshit about how we can't speak english and proceed to swear in hindi just because i was talking to my friend in kannada.( all non-indians blore is the capital of karnataka where the main language is kannada). the thing was they didn't know 3/4 class was south indian and most south indians speak hindi so we verbally abused the fuck out of them in like 3 languages until they cried. i know we were the assholes then but they deserved it.	nta, you just called him out. your father doesn't respect you or your mom, just because of some skin colour. i think that's super alarming and i would be willing to go no contact over that. also, your father disrespects your mom and you just sit there. i'm not trying to make you the villain, but i wouldn't be okay with that. your dad is a d\*ck.	your dad isn't racist. he's worse. like a narcissist. or supremacist. how did they even get married? it's obviously not an arranged marriage. he's being a pathetic human being and unless there's a complete over haul in his behaviour, you guys need to leave. nta.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for some background, my dad is from north india and my mom is from south india. south indians are traditionally darker, and have a different accent, than north indians. my dad has always been kind of racist. his family has a bunch of derogatory names for people (jews, christians, east asians/pacific islanders, south indians, etc.). my mom told me that she knows they’re racist, but she never speaks up. because i’ve spent more time with my mom’s family, and i’m closer to them, i seem more south indian than north. because of that, my dad uses nicknames (now classified as racial slurs) for south indians towards me and my mom, and constantly (i’m not exaggerating here) imitates the south indian accent whenever he’s around us. this morning, he was being extra irritating, continuously calling us by that nickname and imitating the south indian accent very loudly. i asked him to stop and he said that he couldn’t help it if my mom spoke like that. i lost it and called him a racist. my mom isn’t upset, but my dad keeps asking me how that makes him a racist, and then proceeds to call me a racist. idk, am i overreacting or am i in the right?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for some background, my dad is from north india and my mom is from south india. south indians are traditionally darker, and have a different accent, than north indians. my dad has always been kind of racist. his family has a bunch of derogatory names for people (jews, christians, east asians/pacific islanders, south indians, etc.). my mom told me that she knows they’re racist, but she never speaks up. because i’ve spent more time with my mom’s family, and i’m closer to them, i seem more south indian than north. because of that, my dad uses nicknames (now classified as racial slurs) for south indians towards me and my mom, and constantly (i’m not exaggerating here) imitates the south indian accent whenever he’s around us. this morning, he was being extra irritating, continuously calling us by that nickname and imitating the south indian accent very loudly. i asked him to stop and he said that he couldn’t help it if my mom spoke like that. i lost it and called him a racist. my mom isn’t upset, but my dad keeps asking me how that makes him a racist, and then proceeds to call me a racist. idk, am i overreacting or am i in the right? [/INST] nta. if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's a racist. i'm sorry you have to deal with that. </s>
AITA for saying I'll stay at a friend's house on Christmas eve?	i'm 22, just graduated college and moved to a new city. i'm heading back across the country for christmas with my family tomorrow. just called my mom to settle airport pick-up and stuff, and she told me that i'll be sleeping on the couch. i asked why--she got rid of my room the day i graduated, which was totally fine with me, as i was moving out--but as far as i knew that room and our normal guest room still, you know, existed, and she told me that she had a few friends staying over because they didn't want to pay hotel prices. they're not spending christmas with us. i got kind of pissed and said, fine, i'll get a hotel, or i'll stay at a friend's place. she rolled her eyes and called me a baby, so i didn't push it, but i went and texted a friend later, and then told my mom that i had a place to stay so it was all good. my friend is spending christmas alone and is totally fine with that, but was more than happy to have me. i honestly wasn't trying to be petty. but if i'm flying home for christmas, i don't want to be on a couch when some dude i've never met or heard of is sleeping in my childhood bed. i want a place to sleep on christmas eve with my family. so. am i the asshole here? genuinely worried i might be.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eepn39/aita_for_saying_ill_stay_at_a_friends_house_on/	2019-12-23 19:58:07	nta, but if the friend you are staying at is alone, invite him to do day stuff with your family. and get him a gift!!!!	nta. your mom sounds like she’s more concerned with her friends than her family.	nta. you were coming home for christmas, and your mom invited some friends to have the guest room. i guess you know where you stand in your mother's priorities.	info: did she know you're coming home for christmas when she invited her friends to stay? edit nta she knew you were coming and decided to bump you to the couch without so much as a how-do-you-do. now, it's her house and she has the right to invite whomever she wishes to sleep in your old room, but that doesn't mean it's not inconsiderate to do so.	100% nta to the point where this seems like a validation post.	nta if your mom knew you would be visiting for christmas, she should have warned you that she didn't have a bed for you long ago. considering your mom called you "a baby", maybe you shouldn't see her for christmas at all.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.010352	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 22, just graduated college and moved to a new city. i'm heading back across the country for christmas with my family tomorrow. just called my mom to settle airport pick-up and stuff, and she told me that i'll be sleeping on the couch. i asked why--she got rid of my room the day i graduated, which was totally fine with me, as i was moving out--but as far as i knew that room and our normal guest room still, you know, existed, and she told me that she had a few friends staying over because they didn't want to pay hotel prices. they're not spending christmas with us. i got kind of pissed and said, fine, i'll get a hotel, or i'll stay at a friend's place. she rolled her eyes and called me a baby, so i didn't push it, but i went and texted a friend later, and then told my mom that i had a place to stay so it was all good. my friend is spending christmas alone and is totally fine with that, but was more than happy to have me. i honestly wasn't trying to be petty. but if i'm flying home for christmas, i don't want to be on a couch when some dude i've never met or heard of is sleeping in my childhood bed. i want a place to sleep on christmas eve with my family. so. am i the asshole here? genuinely worried i might be.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm 22, just graduated college and moved to a new city. i'm heading back across the country for christmas with my family tomorrow. just called my mom to settle airport pick-up and stuff, and she told me that i'll be sleeping on the couch. i asked why--she got rid of my room the day i graduated, which was totally fine with me, as i was moving out--but as far as i knew that room and our normal guest room still, you know, existed, and she told me that she had a few friends staying over because they didn't want to pay hotel prices. they're not spending christmas with us. i got kind of pissed and said, fine, i'll get a hotel, or i'll stay at a friend's place. she rolled her eyes and called me a baby, so i didn't push it, but i went and texted a friend later, and then told my mom that i had a place to stay so it was all good. my friend is spending christmas alone and is totally fine with that, but was more than happy to have me. i honestly wasn't trying to be petty. but if i'm flying home for christmas, i don't want to be on a couch when some dude i've never met or heard of is sleeping in my childhood bed. i want a place to sleep on christmas eve with my family. so. am i the asshole here? genuinely worried i might be. [/INST] nta, but if the friend you are staying at is alone, invite him to do day stuff with your family. and get him a gift!!!! </s>
AITA for snapping at my mid-functioning autistic friend for cat-roleplaying with me when my grandma just died	yeah this situation is about as ridiculous as you'd imagine by the title. i lost my grandmother less than 24 hours ago. she and i were not the closest, as she has had alzheimer's the majority of my life, and she's a great distance away. we saw her maybe once a year and only for a few hours (she'd be overwhelmed if we stayed any longer). still, my dad is devastated and so i'm feeling his pain. i guess i'm numb; the real sadness may come to me later. i told a friend of mine that i took the day off work and that i'm feeling "about 40% upset right now" but that "i'll be fine". both true. a few hours pass, and he sends me "mrow... checking up on u. u going okay ?? purrs"me: "purss?" him: "yes. am cat" me: "okay, i really don't want to be an ass buddy because you're not acting maliciously, but we've also expressed multiple times to be honest about our feelings, and i don't think asking if someone is okay when theyve lost their grandmother is a good time to roleplay as a fucking cat" he apologized and seemed confused as to why i'd be upset, as previously i told him i'm not in heavy heavy grieving. i'm kind of seeing red right now so i muted his messages and i'm not texting him back. he's very, very heavily socially disabled and is also prone to panic when he doesn't get a response but good fucking god i want him to be upset and think about the way he acts for one fucking second. i know it's not right. i know he can't help it, i know he doesn't know any better but fuck him, my grandma's dead he can fuck right off. rationally, i know better, but on the inside i'm just fuming. aita for how i handled this? &#x200b;	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cek70r/aita_for_snapping_at_my_midfunctioning_autistic/	2019-07-17 22:54:06	nah wtf did i just read especially that ending bro what	nah, but i think he was just trying to check up on you in a friendly way. pretending to be a cat was probably just a way to deflect that he wasn’t quite sure how to do it. it’s difficult for most people to find the right words under the circumstances and at least he tried to reach out.	nah, you obviously have a good reason to be upset, but it sounds like it wasn't done maliciously so i wouldn't call him ta either.	[deleted]	nta - there’s never an appropriate time to do cringy cat role play	nta i have autism and it pisses me off when i see other people on the spectrum use the disorder to excuse their shitty behavior. acting like a cat in this situation is beyond ridiculous.	nah he was probably trying to chear you up, but he should have realized that was a stupid way to go about it.	nah op i'm saying this as an aspie myself (asperger's for those who don't know that word :) ). he probably thought he could give you a smile by doing that, and didn't realise that when you said you were not a heavy griever, it didn't mean you were not grieving. you're not an ass for what you said, you were honest and as nice as you could be. more importantly, you actually explained why it wasn't ok. let him settle and then explain later that you meant it as nice as possible and hope he isn't upset. it'll settle his mind and stop him worrying he's done anything wrong.	maybe unpopular but i think yta. it's really hard to side with someone who "cat roleplays" because that's incredibly cringy, but this is a person you've decided to have in your life and i don't think they've actually done anything wrong. it sounds like this was a friendly way for them to check how you were doing and you way over reacted. if you're ok with him "cat role-playing" in general i don't know how he was supposed to know not to mention it now.	the fuck	NAH	NAH	NAH	null	NTA	NTA	NAH	NAH	YTA	null	0.184453	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: yeah this situation is about as ridiculous as you'd imagine by the title. i lost my grandmother less than 24 hours ago. she and i were not the closest, as she has had alzheimer's the majority of my life, and she's a great distance away. we saw her maybe once a year and only for a few hours (she'd be overwhelmed if we stayed any longer). still, my dad is devastated and so i'm feeling his pain. i guess i'm numb; the real sadness may come to me later. i told a friend of mine that i took the day off work and that i'm feeling "about 40% upset right now" but that "i'll be fine". both true. a few hours pass, and he sends me "mrow... checking up on u. u going okay ?? purrs"me: "purss?" him: "yes. am cat" me: "okay, i really don't want to be an ass buddy because you're not acting maliciously, but we've also expressed multiple times to be honest about our feelings, and i don't think asking if someone is okay when theyve lost their grandmother is a good time to roleplay as a fucking cat" he apologized and seemed confused as to why i'd be upset, as previously i told him i'm not in heavy heavy grieving. i'm kind of seeing red right now so i muted his messages and i'm not texting him back. he's very, very heavily socially disabled and is also prone to panic when he doesn't get a response but good fucking god i want him to be upset and think about the way he acts for one fucking second. i know it's not right. i know he can't help it, i know he doesn't know any better but fuck him, my grandma's dead he can fuck right off. rationally, i know better, but on the inside i'm just fuming. aita for how i handled this? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> yeah this situation is about as ridiculous as you'd imagine by the title. i lost my grandmother less than 24 hours ago. she and i were not the closest, as she has had alzheimer's the majority of my life, and she's a great distance away. we saw her maybe once a year and only for a few hours (she'd be overwhelmed if we stayed any longer). still, my dad is devastated and so i'm feeling his pain. i guess i'm numb; the real sadness may come to me later. i told a friend of mine that i took the day off work and that i'm feeling "about 40% upset right now" but that "i'll be fine". both true. a few hours pass, and he sends me "mrow... checking up on u. u going okay ?? purrs"me: "purss?" him: "yes. am cat" me: "okay, i really don't want to be an ass buddy because you're not acting maliciously, but we've also expressed multiple times to be honest about our feelings, and i don't think asking if someone is okay when theyve lost their grandmother is a good time to roleplay as a fucking cat" he apologized and seemed confused as to why i'd be upset, as previously i told him i'm not in heavy heavy grieving. i'm kind of seeing red right now so i muted his messages and i'm not texting him back. he's very, very heavily socially disabled and is also prone to panic when he doesn't get a response but good fucking god i want him to be upset and think about the way he acts for one fucking second. i know it's not right. i know he can't help it, i know he doesn't know any better but fuck him, my grandma's dead he can fuck right off. rationally, i know better, but on the inside i'm just fuming. aita for how i handled this? &#x200b; [/INST] nah wtf did i just read especially that ending bro what </s>
AITA for not letting my son's new hamster in the house?	sounds bad, can explain. separated, ex will not let the family dog go back and forth with the kids (35lb pooch). this has caused some frustration as he's literally the kid's dog but whatever, i sucked it up. fast forward to today, she buys our son a hamster that he's been wanting (without informing me prior, knowing we have a high prey drive dog) and expects said rodent to travel freely between houses (one week on/off custody). son video calls me over the moon excited showing me his hamster so now if i say anything i'm the "bad dad". really tempted to put my foot down and say that's a pet for mom's house only unless the family dog gets his immigration papers to go back and forth as well. realistically a hamster does not require any real upkeep and so i accept that this would be an asshole-ish move on my part if i do so. aita?!?!	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju9tpr/aita_for_not_letting_my_sons_new_hamster_in_the/	2020-11-14 21:36:17	nta. ex got the hamster without consulting you, it's now their responsibility to care for it when the kid isn't there. it's also not fair to a small rodent to transport it back and forth every week.	nta for not letting it over. but instead of dragging the kid into your argument over the dog with your ex, explain to him that the dog might hurt the hamster if it accidentally got out of its cage, and that the hamster could get stressed out by being moved between houses and by being around the dog, so the hamster has to stay at mom’s house when he comes over. it’ll be a lot harder to paint you as the “bad guy” if you make it about the hamster’s well-being rather than about your argument with your ex.	nta, and i am concerned about the stress of constant moving on the hamster. my friend experienced a similar issue with her hamster and later chinchilla. constant moving between her parents houses stressed both animals: it made their sleep irregular, caused eating problems, and for the chinchilla led to worse bathroom issues and even fur falling out. carrying a hamster back and forth is like bringing a fish in a bag everywhere with you. not stimulating or healthy for the poor lil fella whatsover. i would have a discussion with your wife and carefully explain that you are not doing this because of any household divisions, nor because you think she is being too unreasonable, but that you are genuinely concerned about the new pet getting harmed or stressed and you don't want any fallout from that on your child or indirectly the dog.	nta. she's responsible for the pets she buys him. it would also be pretty cruel to subject the poor hamster to inevitable attacks on its cage.	nta hamsters are sensitive and should not travel like that. it can cause too much stress and kill it	nta if the dog can’t go between houses then the hamster can’t either.	esh. whos getting hurt by this? its fine to have pets at each parents house that don't come with the child. but don't do it specifically out of pettiness or as a way to make a point or blackmail your ex. you suck for doing that. your ex sucks for buying a pet for your kid to bring into your home without talking to you first. but you're both playing a shitty game and the person who gets hurt by it is your kid. you need to communicate better and put your child before all the bullshit and hurt feelings.	nta - your ex might be ignorant but tell your kid the truth - if he tries to drag the hamster back and forth like that it's going to die.	nta - but not for the reasons you’re not wanting to do it. dogs and hamsters aren’t necessarily a good combination, so i’d be careful mixing the two ...	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	0.013095	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sounds bad, can explain. separated, ex will not let the family dog go back and forth with the kids (35lb pooch). this has caused some frustration as he's literally the kid's dog* but whatever, i sucked it up. fast forward to today, she buys our son a hamster that he's been wanting (without informing me prior, knowing we have a high prey drive dog) and expects said rodent to travel freely between houses (one week on/off custody). son video calls me over the moon excited showing me his hamster so now if i say anything i'm the "bad dad". really tempted to put my foot down and say that's a pet for mom's house only unless the family dog gets his immigration papers to go back and forth as well. realistically a hamster does not require any real upkeep and so i accept that this would be an asshole-ish move on my part if i do so. aita?!?!	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> sounds bad, can explain. separated, ex will not let the family dog go back and forth with the kids (35lb pooch). this has caused some frustration as he's literally the kid's dog* but whatever, i sucked it up. fast forward to today, she buys our son a hamster that he's been wanting (without informing me prior, knowing we have a high prey drive dog) and expects said rodent to travel freely between houses (one week on/off custody). son video calls me over the moon excited showing me his hamster so now if i say anything i'm the "bad dad". really tempted to put my foot down and say that's a pet for mom's house only unless the family dog gets his immigration papers to go back and forth as well. realistically a hamster does not require any real upkeep and so i accept that this would be an asshole-ish move on my part if i do so. aita?!?! [/INST] nta. ex got the hamster without consulting you, it's now their responsibility to care for it when the kid isn't there. it's also not fair to a small rodent to transport it back and forth every week. </s>
AITA for demanding 1 conscious adult around my kids on weekends?	saturdaymorning, kids (2yo and 7yo) wake up, i ask hubby to take morning shift with the kids as i took last weekend. he gets out of bed, grabs his covers and pillow. his intentions are to feed the kids then sleep in the sofa. we have talked about this often and i do not feel the kids are safe this way or the house. he said we should agree too disagree and he should be able to sleep in the sofa during his morning shifts,that he has made a habbit of it. i just feel he does this to get out of his morning shift as he knows i can not sleep when he does this. so right now he is sleeping in the bed and i am furious and in need of judgement. am i the asshole for demanding he stay awake and keep our kids safe during his morning shift?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d42z52/aita_for_demanding_1_conscious_adult_around_my/	2019-09-14 09:18:16	nta he's basically expecting a 7 year old to babysit a 2 year old which doesn't happen. the seven year old gets interested in their own stuff and things can go really wrong really fast.	nta he's being a lazy shithead, he should know after 7 years what being a parent involves	nta. he is a parent. this is part of his responsibility. you take it in turns.	info: what are the kids doing and how light of a sleeper is your husband? and how baby proof is the room they're in? my son used to get up balls early on weekends and after getting him breakfast i would nap on the couch for another hour or so while he played minecraft or watched tv.	i don't really understand much about kids but you should baby proof the room asap. my husband set his house on fire with matches about the same age. also maybe get a playpen for the two year old? even if he was awake i doubt he watches them actively all the time.	nta and now i don't want to make you paranoid, but that can end really horribly. my classmate in 3rd grade (8 yrs old) accidentally drowned his newborn baby brother, because mum put him in charge of bathing and he went to his room to get a toy. on the same note, my siblings are 7 years older and were always in charge of baby sitting me while parents were out and from the age of idk 5-6 i was babysitting myself because my mum had taught me how to use a telephone so i just could call her if something happened and i'm still alive (on the outside lol). so it doesn't have to be bad, but if something goes wrong, you can scar your whole family for life in less than 5 min. including the yet unstained sweet mind of your 7yr old. i swear i didn't see my classmate laugh again for a very long time. and he was only 8.	nta, maybe in a few years	nta sure there may be other changes you can make as far as kids bedtime or whatever but you're communicating a need you have to your husband and he isn't listening, so 100% he is being selfish. it's not ok for a 7 yo to essentially watch a 2 yo. unfair for the older kid but also just asking for trouble anyway. a different parenting style.... no. you're just being lazy, sorry dad.	nta it is normal to supervise your children. at 7 they don't need to be watched directly all the time - but the 2 yr old does.	lol if i don't follow the two year old i look after all the time he'll jump off the kitchen counter and die... your husband should be smarter than this after 7 years. i've been around kids for 8 months and seem more competent than your so.	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0.005167	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: saturdaymorning, kids (2yo and 7yo) wake up, i ask hubby to take morning shift with the kids as i took last weekend. he gets out of bed, grabs his covers and pillow. his intentions are to feed the kids then sleep in the sofa. we have talked about this often and i do not feel the kids are safe this way or the house. he said we should agree too disagree and he should be able to sleep in the sofa during his morning shifts,that he has made a habbit of it. i just feel he does this to get out of his morning shift as he knows i can not sleep when he does this. so right now he is sleeping in the bed and i am furious and in need of judgement. am i the asshole for demanding he stay awake and keep our kids safe during his morning shift?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> saturdaymorning, kids (2yo and 7yo) wake up, i ask hubby to take morning shift with the kids as i took last weekend. he gets out of bed, grabs his covers and pillow. his intentions are to feed the kids then sleep in the sofa. we have talked about this often and i do not feel the kids are safe this way or the house. he said we should agree too disagree and he should be able to sleep in the sofa during his morning shifts,that he has made a habbit of it. i just feel he does this to get out of his morning shift as he knows i can not sleep when he does this. so right now he is sleeping in the bed and i am furious and in need of judgement. am i the asshole for demanding he stay awake and keep our kids safe during his morning shift? [/INST] nta he's basically expecting a 7 year old to babysit a 2 year old which doesn't happen. the seven year old gets interested in their own stuff and things can go really wrong really fast. </s>
AITA for not wanting to honeymoon in the place my future in-laws stayed a week before?	i (f23) and fiancee (m24) planned our honeymoon months ago. it's a local one bedroom suite bed & breakfast rental through aribnb (due to covid, we didn't want to go far away). we booked it due to recommendations from my future sister-in-law, let's call her judy. we were super excited to go, we even got a discount because judy knew the owners. what i want to make very clear here is that judy knew exactly which airbnb we were going to. just yesterday, i was scrolling instagram and saw a post from my future mother-in-law of her and my future father-in-law staying at the exact same airbnb bed & breakfast our honeymoon is booked at. naturally, i was confused and a little taken aback by this. first of all, it's just weird to go and celebrate my honeymoon in the same room that my in-laws were just in but second of all it's not the nicest to see someone experience all the perks of your honeymoon that you were super excited about just a week before you. turns out, judy had booked the entire weekend away for my in-laws as a surprise because they had had a stressful week due to our upcoming wedding and other family factors, so they had no idea that they would be going to the same place that we would be going a week later (in other words, not my future in-laws fault but all judy's). my fiancee got super upset at judy for doing this. in response, she got super guarded claiming that there was "nothing else available for my in-laws" at such short notice. a quick airbnb search shows that this was not true and that there were hundreds of other places she could've booked for them, that it didn't have to be the exact bed & experience we were going to have on our honeymoon just a week later. she told us that the "thought didn't even cross her mind" that this would bother us. now my fiancee and i have decided to cancel the airbnb (for a full refund) and book somewhere else so that we can have our own unique honeymoon experience without getting a honeymoon experience that, quite honestly, feels like leftovers. judy is super upset at us for doing this and claims that we are overreacting and demanding that we apologize to her. she doesn't think she did anything wrong. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pn8udb/aita_for_not_wanting_to_honeymoon_in_the_place_my/	2021-09-13 05:01:22	nta why is judy so keen on getting everybody go to this particular place? could people get a commission or something by recommending a place to someone?	>judy is super upset at us for doing this and claims that we are overreacting and demanding that we apologize to her. apologise for what exactly? besides of the strife you obviously had, the re-booking of honeymoon is non of her business. you are not ta for obvious reasons, your wedding, your choice. >she doesn't think she did anything wrong. depends on. if she did it by purpose or if she did not mind, it could bother you. i gonna give her a tea spoon of benefit of doubts and will go with nah.	no, you’re nta. it’s your honeymoon and i can totally understand not wanting to honeymoon in the same bed your in laws just vacationed in a week earlier. it sounds like judy means well but isn’t very thoughtful though.	soft yta. obviously its your honeymoon and you can go wherever you want, and if a place doesn't make you feel comfortable anymore, for whatever reason, you have the absolute right to cancel. but, why is it such a big problem that your inlaws also enjoyed the same thing? it has a bit of a selfish ring to it if you say 'they had the fun before me, i want all the fun'. maybe there's something i'm missing but that is how it comes across. also, you mentioned that judy could've booked all the b&bs but decided to do this one, but you also mentioned she knows the people who rent it out! so i think its super logical that if your friend or acquaintance has a lovely place, you want to support that! so, you have every right to cancel, but for me personally i think the reasoning is a bit strange.	nah.. i mean.. it's fine you dont wanna go there anymore , but i truly dont understand why it matters that your in laws stayed there as well. i don't think julie is ah for not understanding why you were so pissed. it's just an unfortunate situation, but no one is an ah.	[deleted]	nta it would be very odd to honeymoon in the same place you in laws are at, also you do not owe her apology for anything, all you did was say you had issue with the plans made. you would only have been wrong if you demanded the i laws not go, you changed locations kinda the perfect response	null	null	null	NTA	NAH	NTA	YTA	NAH	null	NTA	null	null	null	0.176777	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f23) and fiancee (m24) planned our honeymoon months ago. it's a local one bedroom suite bed & breakfast rental through aribnb (due to covid, we didn't want to go far away). we booked it due to recommendations from my future sister-in-law, let's call her judy. we were super excited to go, we even got a discount because judy knew the owners. what i want to make very clear here is that judy knew exactly which airbnb we were going to. just yesterday, i was scrolling instagram and saw a post from my future mother-in-law of her and my future father-in-law staying at the exact same airbnb bed & breakfast our honeymoon is booked at. naturally, i was confused and a little taken aback by this. first of all, it's just weird to go and celebrate my honeymoon in the same room that my in-laws were just in but second of all it's not the nicest to see someone experience all the perks of your honeymoon that you were super excited about just a week before you. turns out, judy had booked the entire weekend away for my in-laws as a surprise because they had had a stressful week due to our upcoming wedding and other family factors, so they had no idea that they would be going to the same place that we would be going a week later (in other words, not my future in-laws fault but all judy's). my fiancee got super upset at judy for doing this. in response, she got super guarded claiming that there was "nothing else available for my in-laws" at such short notice. a quick airbnb search shows that this was not true and that there were hundreds of other places she could've booked for them, that it didn't have to be the exact bed & experience we were going to have on our honeymoon just a week later. she told us that the "thought didn't even cross her mind" that this would bother us. now my fiancee and i have decided to cancel the airbnb (for a full refund) and book somewhere else so that we can have our own unique honeymoon experience without getting a honeymoon experience that, quite honestly, feels like leftovers. judy is super upset at us for doing this and claims that we are overreacting and demanding that we apologize to her. she doesn't think she did anything wrong. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f23) and fiancee (m24) planned our honeymoon months ago. it's a local one bedroom suite bed & breakfast rental through aribnb (due to covid, we didn't want to go far away). we booked it due to recommendations from my future sister-in-law, let's call her judy. we were super excited to go, we even got a discount because judy knew the owners. what i want to make very clear here is that judy knew exactly which airbnb we were going to. just yesterday, i was scrolling instagram and saw a post from my future mother-in-law of her and my future father-in-law staying at the exact same airbnb bed & breakfast our honeymoon is booked at. naturally, i was confused and a little taken aback by this. first of all, it's just weird to go and celebrate my honeymoon in the same room that my in-laws were just in but second of all it's not the nicest to see someone experience all the perks of your honeymoon that you were super excited about just a week before you. turns out, judy had booked the entire weekend away for my in-laws as a surprise because they had had a stressful week due to our upcoming wedding and other family factors, so they had no idea that they would be going to the same place that we would be going a week later (in other words, not my future in-laws fault but all judy's). my fiancee got super upset at judy for doing this. in response, she got super guarded claiming that there was "nothing else available for my in-laws" at such short notice. a quick airbnb search shows that this was not true and that there were hundreds of other places she could've booked for them, that it didn't have to be the exact bed & experience we were going to have on our honeymoon just a week later. she told us that the "thought didn't even cross her mind" that this would bother us. now my fiancee and i have decided to cancel the airbnb (for a full refund) and book somewhere else so that we can have our own unique honeymoon experience without getting a honeymoon experience that, quite honestly, feels like leftovers. judy is super upset at us for doing this and claims that we are overreacting and demanding that we apologize to her. she doesn't think she did anything wrong. aita? [/INST] nta why is judy so keen on getting everybody go to this particular place? could people get a commission or something by recommending a place to someone? </s>
AITA for accidently eating someones lunch at work.	hey guys, longtime lurker but not sure here. i work at a warehouse that isn't huge but not small enough where we all know each other by name. i forgot lunch one day and there is no vending or restaurants near by. i saw a subway sandwich in the fridge and assumed it was left by someone so i ate it as it was a black forest ham which is my favourite. the next day there was a note on the fridge saying whoever ate my sub please think before doing it again and he signed his name. i found him and apologized and i said i thought it was left over and no one was going to eat it. he said that was a really stupid assumption and he got angry and said i was a dickwad. i told him no need for the language but he should really put his name on his food so this doesn't happen. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jnrb13/aita_for_accidently_eating_someones_lunch_at_work/	2020-11-04 05:55:32	yta idk what world you live in, but where i live, you don't eat random food in the fridge without asking whose it is unless you are a douche or stupid.	absolutely yta! i work in a warehouse too and if i didn’t bring it, i know it’s not mine. whether you apologized or not isn’t the issue here, i’m sure you would have felt the same way if someone took your stuff	yta i'm dumbfounded by your lack of logic here. "there's a sandwich in the fridge while people are still at work and are coming back tomorrow. oh well, it was probably forgotten and ok for me to have it, especially since it's my favorite." it honestly sounds like you tried to convince yourself it was ok because you wanted it. also, you didn't "accidentally" eat it. you knew full well it wasn't yours and chose to eat it anyway.	yta. did you bring the lunch? no. did you pay for the lunch? no. did you at least inquire about the lunch before taking it? no. did you steal somebodies lunch simply because you’re forgetful and inconsiderate? yes.	yta for assuming that the sandwich is forgotten and eating it without checking that it wasn't somebody's lunch. not having a name tag on it doesn't mean it's fair game	yta. in offices people usually don’t just leave food in fridges that they don’t want anymore. not everyone puts names on stuff but it still belongs to them. you forgot something and that was on you and now someone had to go a lunch without food because of it. you didn’t even offer to replace it.	bro we shouldn't have to tell you yta for eating a random sandwich you found in a communal fridge. unless the owner explicitly said you could have it, you don't touch food you didn't put in there yourself.	yta. if i were you, i’d offer him a subway gift card at least for 2 meals.	lmfao yeah yta. i really hope this is a troll. who thinks it’s okay to just eat someone’s lunch jfc	yta - it wasn't an accident, and even though you didn't know whose lunch it was, you sure as fuck knew it wasn't yours, asshole.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey guys, longtime lurker but not sure here. i work at a warehouse that isn't huge but not small enough where we all know each other by name. i forgot lunch one day and there is no vending or restaurants near by. i saw a subway sandwich in the fridge and assumed it was left by someone so i ate it as it was a black forest ham which is my favourite. the next day there was a note on the fridge saying whoever ate my sub please think before doing it again and he signed his name. i found him and apologized and i said i thought it was left over and no one was going to eat it. he said that was a really stupid assumption and he got angry and said i was a dickwad. i told him no need for the language but he should really put his name on his food so this doesn't happen. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hey guys, longtime lurker but not sure here. i work at a warehouse that isn't huge but not small enough where we all know each other by name. i forgot lunch one day and there is no vending or restaurants near by. i saw a subway sandwich in the fridge and assumed it was left by someone so i ate it as it was a black forest ham which is my favourite. the next day there was a note on the fridge saying whoever ate my sub please think before doing it again and he signed his name. i found him and apologized and i said i thought it was left over and no one was going to eat it. he said that was a really stupid assumption and he got angry and said i was a dickwad. i told him no need for the language but he should really put his name on his food so this doesn't happen. aita? [/INST] yta idk what world you live in, but where i live, you don't eat random food in the fridge without asking whose it is unless you are a douche or stupid. </s>
AITA for going out while under quarantine?	please hear me out i feel i have a valid point. (also obligatory: first post/on mobile/ english is not my native language) long story short, my brother got a phone call the other night from the health department telling him that he and the rest of his household are under quarantine, because he worked with someone a few days ago, that is now showing flu like symptoms, and until everything is checked if it is corona, we are all quarantined at home. it was a 48h quarantine. on the second day the sun was out so i went into our garden to finish weeding our planting area. at all times i was more than five meters away from any land of our neighbors (we have a rather big garden), so i felt like i didn't do anything wrong. cue neighbor looking over a fence, telling me i shouldn't be out of the house (living in a small town, so everyone knew already about us being quarantined). he made me really feel guilty but at the same time i kept a far distance between me and all neighboring gardens. so aita for going into my garden keeping more than a reasonable distance to any potential other people while being under quarantine? btw the person my brother worked with only had a normal flu, so we are all back out in public.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ff9g52/aita_for_going_out_while_under_quarantine/	2020-03-08 07:47:08	nta, a garden still belongs to your house and its not like you were coughing over the fence. i hope it turns out well for you all.	was so expecting this go another way. you quarantined yourself to your property, didn’t go out into public and stayed away from the neighbors. i’d say nta.	nta. coronavirus is making everyone a little cray cray.	info. didn’t the authorities explain the do’s and don’ts to you? if so, was being in your garden recommended against or not? if they recommended you to stay inside you’re an asshole for being outside. if they recommended you to stay on your property, you’re not an asshole because you did.	nta. if you were on your property, and not coughing or sneezing or anything of that sort then you did nothing wrong.	nta. your neighbour and everyone else who agrees with him on this post are idiots and don't know how viruses spread. you can't go outside and cough and suddenly the wind blows the germs into the mouth of a neighbour on the other side of the fence, by that logic you're not even allowed to open a window at home and you should all be wearing hazards suits. the point of the quarantine is so you aren't interacting day to day with people (kissing, exchanging money, close proximity, etc) while possibly being infected	nta— you were away from people, on our property. he was just being a busy-body.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: please hear me out i feel i have a valid point. (also obligatory: first post/on mobile/ english is not my native language) long story short, my brother got a phone call the other night from the health department telling him that he and the rest of his household are under quarantine, because he worked with someone a few days ago, that is now showing flu like symptoms, and until everything is checked if it is corona, we are all quarantined at home. it was a 48h quarantine. on the second day the sun was out so i went into our garden to finish weeding our planting area. at all times i was more than five meters away from any land of our neighbors (we have a rather big garden), so i felt like i didn't do anything wrong. cue neighbor looking over a fence, telling me i shouldn't be out of the house (living in a small town, so everyone knew already about us being quarantined). he made me really feel guilty but at the same time i kept a far distance between me and all neighboring gardens. so aita for going into my garden keeping more than a reasonable distance to any potential other people while being under quarantine? btw the person my brother worked with only had a normal flu, so we are all back out in public.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> please hear me out i feel i have a valid point. (also obligatory: first post/on mobile/ english is not my native language) long story short, my brother got a phone call the other night from the health department telling him that he and the rest of his household are under quarantine, because he worked with someone a few days ago, that is now showing flu like symptoms, and until everything is checked if it is corona, we are all quarantined at home. it was a 48h quarantine. on the second day the sun was out so i went into our garden to finish weeding our planting area. at all times i was more than five meters away from any land of our neighbors (we have a rather big garden), so i felt like i didn't do anything wrong. cue neighbor looking over a fence, telling me i shouldn't be out of the house (living in a small town, so everyone knew already about us being quarantined). he made me really feel guilty but at the same time i kept a far distance between me and all neighboring gardens. so aita for going into my garden keeping more than a reasonable distance to any potential other people while being under quarantine? btw the person my brother worked with only had a normal flu, so we are all back out in public. [/INST] nta, a garden still belongs to your house and its not like you were coughing over the fence. i hope it turns out well for you all. </s>
AITA for telling my aunt that I should be invited to my cousin's wedding?	my (f20) cousin (m32) is getting married in august. the two of us have always been pretty close, he is probably the person i talk to the most on that side of the family. i love his fiancee, and we both get along as well. a little bit of background: i am the third youngest cousin in my family, with two younger cousins (m19 and f17) who are not particularly close to the rest of the family. when the wedding date was announced, we already knew that neither was coming since they both go to out-of-state colleges. the wedding was announced to be child-free a while ago. there are five children under the age of 5 on our side of the family alone. i was under the assumption that child-free typically means anyone older than somewhere from 16-18 for guests. at thanksgiving, a bunch of the cousins was all sitting around and the wedding was brought up. they were talking about the venue, which is a vineyard, and the long list of wines they are going to have for the cocktail menu. my brother (22) made a joke about how i won't be 21 yet (i will be 21 a month after the wedding), and everyone kind of became quiet and changed the topic. the next day, my aunt called me and told me that there was a misunderstanding. the wedding was 21+ and since i would not be 21 yet, i was not invited. i got upset because no one had told me that it was 21+ (we have a save the date but no invite) and i will literally be less than 20 days away from being 21. i told her while i understood their choice, that it was not fair that i couldn't go just because i was born a month too late. i said that they should have invited me anyways but just mark that i can't drink. she got upset with me and told me that it was their choice and to stop acting selfishly. my aunt told my mom that i said this, and my mom told me to stop acting like a "privileged little b\*tch" and get over it. i understand that they are having the wedding at a winery and that alcohol will be the main focus of the wedding, but i will be a month away from being 21 so i feel like i am justified in being at least a little upset by this. so aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z9r0q7/aita_for_telling_my_aunt_that_i_should_be_invited/	2022-12-01 15:40:58	nta that’s super hurtful. you aren’t a child. i’d have a convo with the cousin to confirm but that suckssss	i’m probably going against the grain here but nta. i understand even though it’s their wedding but it seems like the aunt and mom could have explained it better than the whole “privileged little bitch” part. also edited for question: is the venue only for 21+? usually winery’s are like that i believe. that could be the reason why, if so that’s all they had to say to everyone could have dropped this situation. adding another edit after reading op's comments and updating their post; definitely talk to the cousin first hand, especially if you got the save the date you'd assumed you'd be invited and causing confusion. it's like something seems off..? nta.	nah you can't demand an invitation to a wedding. "a month away from 21" doesn't matter in the eyes of the law, and the venue might be restricted to 21+.	nta, but you need to back off. wedding guest lists are for the couple to decide. you have a right to express disappointment, but not entitlement, and certainly you don't have the right to argue for your own inclusion. for all you know, the vineyard may not allow guests under the age of 21. even if they do, you need to respect the decisions about the guest list. this isn't an issue of fairness.	i'm not understanding how this escalated to your aunt calling you selfish and your mom calling you names. however, i think i'm going with nah. i can see where you at 20yo would assume an invite to a "child-free" family wedding. your cousin has the right to plan her wedding how she sees fit. however, the issue stems from when the venue was chosen and/or when the save-the-dates went out, your cousin should have told you privately about your exclusion due to age. or as soon as she was aware. their lack of communication led to the hurt feelings.	nta. yes, people can make their own decisions about who to have at their wedding and the rules. i also think it is okay to express disappointment in those rules, and it sounds like you did it once, and politely. you aren't harassing the bride and groom or turning the family against them, you made the case once, to your aunt, about how you think you should go, and so long as you don't keep bringing it up beyond this one convo, you aren't an ah for it. your mom is an ah for calling you names, and i hope you know you should never be treated like that. and if you have limitations on a wedding, you should include that in the save the date, because it isn't nice to get people's hopes up, and often invitations only come out two months or so before the wedding, so people plan. your family has done a wedding here, with underage people, so good planning and guest etiquette means they should have clarified in the save the date so people can plan accordingly.	nta. i understand why this hurts because you thought that you and this cousin were close. however you should be glad this happened because now you know that you and your cousin aren’t as close as you thought you were and you don’t have to waste time on a one sided relationship. when i’m excluded from things, my first thought is “good to know”. i’m not saying i think less of these people. i’m just glad to know where i stand with them.	[deleted]	nta it’s a family wedding, it’s not out of the ordinary that you would assume you’re invited. 20 is not a child, so the fact that it was announced as child free makes no difference. your aunt shouldn’t have called you selfish for wanting to attend your cousins wedding and your mom was way out of line calling you a little bitch over it. the edit also makes it clearer, you’ve been to a wedding at the same venue so it’s not a case of the venue not allowing underage guests. i know that it’s their wedding and they can invite who they want, but when everyone but you got invited and you know you’re allowed at the venue (so it really was them deciding not to invite you) i can see why you’re upset. it sucks to be left out. they can make the choice not to invite you but it will obviously have consequences. honestly, you probably won’t be able to convince them to invite you. but you’re not as close to your cousin as you think you are if he’s not willing to invite you to his wedding.	nta. i won't comment on the wedding being 21+, but child-free is not equivalent to 21+. you are not a child. they should have indicated that the wedding was 21+, instead of assuming people would infer that somehow from "child-free".	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0.002566	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (f20) cousin (m32) is getting married in august. the two of us have always been pretty close, he is probably the person i talk to the most on that side of the family. i love his fiancee, and we both get along as well. a little bit of background: i am the third youngest cousin in my family, with two younger cousins (m19 and f17) who are not particularly close to the rest of the family. when the wedding date was announced, we already knew that neither was coming since they both go to out-of-state colleges. the wedding was announced to be child-free a while ago. there are five children under the age of 5 on our side of the family alone. i was under the assumption that child-free typically means anyone older than somewhere from 16-18 for guests. at thanksgiving, a bunch of the cousins was all sitting around and the wedding was brought up. they were talking about the venue, which is a vineyard, and the long list of wines they are going to have for the cocktail menu. my brother (22) made a joke about how i won't be 21 yet (i will be 21 a month after the wedding), and everyone kind of became quiet and changed the topic. the next day, my aunt called me and told me that there was a misunderstanding. the wedding was 21+ and since i would not be 21 yet, i was not invited. i got upset because no one had told me that it was 21+ (we have a save the date but no invite) and i will literally be less than 20 days away from being 21. i told her while i understood their choice, that it was not fair that i couldn't go just because i was born a month too late. i said that they should have invited me anyways but just mark that i can't drink. she got upset with me and told me that it was their choice and to stop acting selfishly. my aunt told my mom that i said this, and my mom told me to stop acting like a "privileged little b\tch" and get over it. i understand that they are having the wedding at a winery and that alcohol will be the main focus of the wedding, but i will be a month away from being 21 so i feel like i am justified in being at least a little upset by this. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (f20) cousin (m32) is getting married in august. the two of us have always been pretty close, he is probably the person i talk to the most on that side of the family. i love his fiancee, and we both get along as well. a little bit of background: i am the third youngest cousin in my family, with two younger cousins (m19 and f17) who are not particularly close to the rest of the family. when the wedding date was announced, we already knew that neither was coming since they both go to out-of-state colleges. the wedding was announced to be child-free a while ago. there are five children under the age of 5 on our side of the family alone. i was under the assumption that child-free typically means anyone older than somewhere from 16-18 for guests. at thanksgiving, a bunch of the cousins was all sitting around and the wedding was brought up. they were talking about the venue, which is a vineyard, and the long list of wines they are going to have for the cocktail menu. my brother (22) made a joke about how i won't be 21 yet (i will be 21 a month after the wedding), and everyone kind of became quiet and changed the topic. the next day, my aunt called me and told me that there was a misunderstanding. the wedding was 21+ and since i would not be 21 yet, i was not invited. i got upset because no one had told me that it was 21+ (we have a save the date but no invite) and i will literally be less than 20 days away from being 21. i told her while i understood their choice, that it was not fair that i couldn't go just because i was born a month too late. i said that they should have invited me anyways but just mark that i can't drink. she got upset with me and told me that it was their choice and to stop acting selfishly. my aunt told my mom that i said this, and my mom told me to stop acting like a "privileged little b\tch" and get over it. i understand that they are having the wedding at a winery and that alcohol will be the main focus of the wedding, but i will be a month away from being 21 so i feel like i am justified in being at least a little upset by this. so aita? [/INST] nta that’s super hurtful. you aren’t a child. i’d have a convo with the cousin to confirm but that suckssss </s>
AITA for getting mad at my wife for not letting my mom babysit?	to be clear i didn't think my mom should babysit to begin with, but my wife and i desperately needed a date and my mom reluctantly agreed. i was nervous because my mom has never spent more than 20 minutes with my child, didn't seem to want to, and we've been mutually estranged for a while and i just didn't feel it was good timing and was worried something would go wrong and my mom and wife would fight again and there would be another estrangement. my wife is very family oriented and said it bothered her that my mom and my son don't know each other, so i agreed. i called my mom the day of and she sounded stressed. she also told me her friend was there in case we had a problem with it. my wife asked which friend it was and it wasn't the psycho one so we proceeded. when we got there i could tell my mom was making an effort. she isn't good with kids at all and was really trying. she was warm, which is so not her personality, and it made me feel optimistic about our relationship. my mom's house was a little messy so she promised she'd keep him out of the living room until the housekeeper came and said it was from a party she threw the previous night for her friend who is getting married. i thought my wife might take issue with that but she was understanding. then my mom's friend came down. she had some type of glittery penis tattoo on her face. my wife's jaw dropped. she is the friend who was getting married and said my mom did that to her while she was sleeping and she cannot get it off and my mom is a cunt, but she spelled it, since our son was there. my mom claimed it wasn't her fault because someone dared her to do it and my wife got annoyed and was like you two aren't 13 none of this should be going on. my mom shrugged and i said it was time for us to go. my wife pulled me aside and said she was uncomfortable because the penis tattoo is so trashy and she didn't want our son seeing it and this all makes her question my mom's judgment. i said i don't think it is a big deal and it doesn't effect us. my wife said she didn't want that modeled for our son and she wanted to cancel the babysitting. we told my mom who was understanding and had to cancel our plans. as soon as my son went down for his nap, i told my wife that she way overreacted. i was all for not letting my mom babysit to begin with but my mom made an actual effort, which might seem small to some but was huge to me, and that my wife shouldn't have pressured her into it fi she was going to nitpick. i said she was being a helicopter mom and it was a dumb bachelorette party. my wife is currently upset with me and says i should have respected her choices more.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slbfgj/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_wife_for_not_letting/	2022-02-05 16:52:51	esh - except your mom. whether your mom wants to relive her teen years and throw a wild bachlorette party or not - isnt up to your wife to judge. your mom (as you said) made an effort. and while she didnt want to she did step up and agree to babysit your child. if you really didnt want your mom babysitting, then you should have held your ground and hired a babysitter or just not gone out. and your wife really did overreact to something that has no implications for the safety of your child. tbh i would be estranged from you two as well, if i were your mom.	sorry dude. yta for getting mad at her. if he's old enough to know there's a penis on a woman's face, what else is left around from the party he might get into? penis-shaped choking hazards, leftover alcohol, edibles? if your kid is too young to know the glitter tattoo is a penis, he's probably too young to be left with someone who doesn't really want to take care of him.	i honestly would have been concerned that your child would get into something left out from the party. your mom didn't really want to babysit and her house wasn't really child friendly at the moment	info: do you ever use a paid babysitter? and how old is the kid?	yta but mostly for not having further conversations about why your wife won’t consider any babysitters now that your child is three.	yta, for forcing both your wife and your mom into situations that makes both of them uncomfortable. you cannot fix your relationship with your mom by using your kid. you cannot help your wife with her anxiety by throwing her child into an after party house. go to therapy, create an environment where your wife feels your child will be safe enough for her to step out. stop trying to get your mother to be the grandma you dream of. edit : typo	ok just want to know how much notice did you givr your mum before you wanted her to babysit.?	i feel like your wife is the bigger asshole in this situation since she pushed both you and your mom into babysitting when y’all both didn’t want to and then got mad and canceled it	null	null	ESH	YTA	null	INFO	YTA	YTA	null	null	null	null	0.036	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to be clear i didn't think my mom should babysit to begin with, but my wife and i desperately needed a date and my mom reluctantly agreed. i was nervous because my mom has never spent more than 20 minutes with my child, didn't seem to want to, and we've been mutually estranged for a while and i just didn't feel it was good timing and was worried something would go wrong and my mom and wife would fight again and there would be another estrangement. my wife is very family oriented and said it bothered her that my mom and my son don't know each other, so i agreed. i called my mom the day of and she sounded stressed. she also told me her friend was there in case we had a problem with it. my wife asked which friend it was and it wasn't the psycho one so we proceeded. when we got there i could tell my mom was making an effort. she isn't good with kids at all and was really trying. she was warm, which is so not her personality, and it made me feel optimistic about our relationship. my mom's house was a little messy so she promised she'd keep him out of the living room until the housekeeper came and said it was from a party she threw the previous night for her friend who is getting married. i thought my wife might take issue with that but she was understanding. then my mom's friend came down. she had some type of glittery penis tattoo on her face. my wife's jaw dropped. she is the friend who was getting married and said my mom did that to her while she was sleeping and she cannot get it off and my mom is a cunt, but she spelled it, since our son was there. my mom claimed it wasn't her fault because someone dared her to do it and my wife got annoyed and was like you two aren't 13 none of this should be going on. my mom shrugged and i said it was time for us to go. my wife pulled me aside and said she was uncomfortable because the penis tattoo is so trashy and she didn't want our son seeing it and this all makes her question my mom's judgment. i said i don't think it is a big deal and it doesn't effect us. my wife said she didn't want that modeled for our son and she wanted to cancel the babysitting. we told my mom who was understanding and had to cancel our plans. as soon as my son went down for his nap, i told my wife that she way overreacted. i was all for not letting my mom babysit to begin with but my mom made an actual effort, which might seem small to some but was huge to me, and that my wife shouldn't have pressured her into it fi she was going to nitpick. i said she was being a helicopter mom and it was a dumb bachelorette party. my wife is currently upset with me and says i should have respected her choices more.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to be clear i didn't think my mom should babysit to begin with, but my wife and i desperately needed a date and my mom reluctantly agreed. i was nervous because my mom has never spent more than 20 minutes with my child, didn't seem to want to, and we've been mutually estranged for a while and i just didn't feel it was good timing and was worried something would go wrong and my mom and wife would fight again and there would be another estrangement. my wife is very family oriented and said it bothered her that my mom and my son don't know each other, so i agreed. i called my mom the day of and she sounded stressed. she also told me her friend was there in case we had a problem with it. my wife asked which friend it was and it wasn't the psycho one so we proceeded. when we got there i could tell my mom was making an effort. she isn't good with kids at all and was really trying. she was warm, which is so not her personality, and it made me feel optimistic about our relationship. my mom's house was a little messy so she promised she'd keep him out of the living room until the housekeeper came and said it was from a party she threw the previous night for her friend who is getting married. i thought my wife might take issue with that but she was understanding. then my mom's friend came down. she had some type of glittery penis tattoo on her face. my wife's jaw dropped. she is the friend who was getting married and said my mom did that to her while she was sleeping and she cannot get it off and my mom is a cunt, but she spelled it, since our son was there. my mom claimed it wasn't her fault because someone dared her to do it and my wife got annoyed and was like you two aren't 13 none of this should be going on. my mom shrugged and i said it was time for us to go. my wife pulled me aside and said she was uncomfortable because the penis tattoo is so trashy and she didn't want our son seeing it and this all makes her question my mom's judgment. i said i don't think it is a big deal and it doesn't effect us. my wife said she didn't want that modeled for our son and she wanted to cancel the babysitting. we told my mom who was understanding and had to cancel our plans. as soon as my son went down for his nap, i told my wife that she way overreacted. i was all for not letting my mom babysit to begin with but my mom made an actual effort, which might seem small to some but was huge to me, and that my wife shouldn't have pressured her into it fi she was going to nitpick. i said she was being a helicopter mom and it was a dumb bachelorette party. my wife is currently upset with me and says i should have respected her choices more. [/INST] esh - except your mom. whether your mom wants to relive her teen years and throw a wild bachlorette party or not - isnt up to your wife to judge. your mom (as you said) made an effort. and while she didnt want to she did step up and agree to babysit your child. if you really didnt want your mom babysitting, then you should have held your ground and hired a babysitter or just not gone out. and your wife really did overreact to something that has no implications for the safety of your child. tbh i would be estranged from you two as well, if i were your mom. </s>
AITA for pointing out mom's bad food safety habits?	so the other day i started dinner and stuck some chicken in the microwave to defrost. as that was happening i started cutting veggies for a salad. mom got home around that time and jumped in to start helping me cook. she took the now defrosted chicken and put the bag on the cutting board where all of the veggies where. i stopped her in her tracks and asked her to not do that. she got really mad at that and started ranting to me. saying stuff like: "oh, why are you doing this to me?" "it's like every single time you have to point out little shit like this." "you haven't died yet, have you?" (i've gotten extremely sick.) "i should point out all of the gross habits you have. like your room." (my room is cleaner than it has ever been. can't say the same for hers.) while she was trying go on tangents about unrelated things i just kept bringing it back to the main issue: raw chicken on the cutting board. this is a common thing for her. she'll handle meat in the same areas as raw vegitables and she won't care about cross contamination. i try to stop her from doing it every time i see it and she just dismiss me. i know i should pick my battles, but i feel like in this situation where my actual health is at risk i feel i have to say something. every time i do she makes me feel like i'm crazy to feel that way. aita for doing that?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzmzbz/aita_for_pointing_out_moms_bad_food_safety_habits/	2019-11-21 17:50:56	nta if the veggies would be fried/sautéed/cooked in a way i might not mind that much. but since they go raw into a salad... uff.... i see a disaster waiting to happen.	nta but she is unlikely to change without a big reason that makes sense to her. cross contamination and safe food handling are important, obviously, but because she can't/won't see it, it's like it doesn't exist as a valid reason to her. so from her perspective you're just nagging her about things that don't matter.	nta and you're lucky you haven't died, i have this problem going over to my moms house though in a different form, they never throw away anything. it is so bad i check the dates on anything and everything i consume when i go to her house and 70% of the time food items are out of date. its total insanity honestly. she even taunts me and makes fun of me for checking the dates on everything like its some kind of fun game, no asshole i don't want to be sick cause y'all are lazy af.	nta. keeping raw chicken away from other food is rule #1 for chicken. no exceptions. if she brings up your room again, you can simply point out that you're not preparing food in your room.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so the other day i started dinner and stuck some chicken in the microwave to defrost. as that was happening i started cutting veggies for a salad. mom got home around that time and jumped in to start helping me cook. she took the now defrosted chicken and put the bag on the cutting board where all of the veggies where. i stopped her in her tracks and asked her to not do that. she got really mad at that and started ranting to me. saying stuff like: "oh, why are you doing this to me?" "it's like every single time you have to point out little shit like this." "you haven't died yet, have you?" (i've gotten extremely sick.) "i should point out all of the gross habits you have. like your room." (my room is cleaner than it has ever been. can't say the same for hers.) while she was trying go on tangents about unrelated things i just kept bringing it back to the main issue: raw chicken on the cutting board. this is a common thing for her. she'll handle meat in the same areas as raw vegitables and she won't care about cross contamination. i try to stop her from doing it every time i see it and she just dismiss me. i know i should pick my battles, but i feel like in this situation where my actual health is at risk i feel i have to say something. every time i do she makes me feel like i'm crazy to feel that way. aita for doing that?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so the other day i started dinner and stuck some chicken in the microwave to defrost. as that was happening i started cutting veggies for a salad. mom got home around that time and jumped in to start helping me cook. she took the now defrosted chicken and put the bag on the cutting board where all of the veggies where. i stopped her in her tracks and asked her to not do that. she got really mad at that and started ranting to me. saying stuff like: "oh, why are you doing this to me?" "it's like every single time you have to point out little shit like this." "you haven't died yet, have you?" (i've gotten extremely sick.) "i should point out all of the gross habits you have. like your room." (my room is cleaner than it has ever been. can't say the same for hers.) while she was trying go on tangents about unrelated things i just kept bringing it back to the main issue: raw chicken on the cutting board. this is a common thing for her. she'll handle meat in the same areas as raw vegitables and she won't care about cross contamination. i try to stop her from doing it every time i see it and she just dismiss me. i know i should pick my battles, but i feel like in this situation where my actual health is at risk i feel i have to say something. every time i do she makes me feel like i'm crazy to feel that way. aita for doing that? [/INST] nta if the veggies would be fried/sautéed/cooked in a way i might not mind that much. but since they go raw into a salad... uff.... i see a disaster waiting to happen. </s>
AITA for not wanting to speak to my friend anymore after she ruined happy hour for me?	backstory: i've been friends with this girl for 2 years now, we'll just call her a. a can be a very nice, caring person and good listener but also selfish and entitled, especially when it comes to doing work for/with her. also she's the type of person who will always ask for your advice but will literally do the exact opposite of what you told her. actual story: about two weeks ago, we were at a club (basically our entire year was there, as we are graduating soon). until 10pm, all cocktails were 50% off. i arrived at about 9:15. a greeted me by telling me that there was no space at her table for me, but no where else either as she hadn't reserved a seat for me (thanks, i guess?). afterwards, i immediately got in line for some drinks. a was right in front of me and at about 9:30 it was her turn to order. she ordered at least 15 cocktails. the bartender started taking her order and a was being an annoying customer. why? while ordering a would ask what was in every single kind of cocktail and how it was made. this question-answer-game took about 5-10 minutes. finally the bartender started making the drinks slowly. a kept interrupting her and asking why she was doing whatever she was doing at that moment. another 10 minutes pass and not even half the drinks are made. people in line are becoming impatient. it's 9:45 and a looks at her watch, turns around to us and says in the most smug way possible with a grin on her face "oh well, you guys only have 10 minutes left, you better hurry up". another five minutes pass. again a turns around "well, that'll be close for you". at 9:58, all the drinks are made. all a had to do was pay. a and another girl decided to split the bill and started arguing about who would pay what. 9:59, they start getting their small change out. they pay all the drinks that way which takes at least another two minutes. well, happy hour might be over, but this story sure isn't. i decided to pull a karen and wanted to speak to the manager, a friend and i went looking for him and we met a, who asked us what we were doing. i told her and she replied "hm, at least i still got my drinks, so i'm fine" while grinning and trying to blow me a kiss. i slapped her hand away and told her to fuck off. a later comes up to me, telling me she's sorry i'm upset but it's not her fault, the bartender was being fast and i shouldn't be mad. she then offered me one of her drinks that i could just pay her for. i refused. about 20 minutes later a comes to me and starts yelling at me. she thinks it's stupid that i'm upset about that, i tell her to leave, she yells that she won't unless i'm not upset anymore about something stupid like this. i lost it and also yelled at her, telling her to fuck off. she then returns to her table and loudly tells people there how dumb i am being. later she texted me, wanting to talk. haven't talked to her since. some friends have criticized me for that, so aita in this situation?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgzd2g/aita_for_not_wanting_to_speak_to_my_friend/	2019-04-24 20:10:19	nta she is not a friend. she is an attention seeker. i would dump that friendship and be happier without people like her in my life. were able to at least get your drinks?	nta. if she was acting that smug, she clearly realized what she was doing. you're certainly not the asshole for being upset.	nta who needs 15 cocktails	jesus nta, no. your "friend" sounds more than a little bit fake, yo. that blowing you a kiss thing and the "i'm sorry you're upset but" stuff is rarely a good sign. people have ended friendships over way less!	nta. this woman fits no definition of friendship i've ever heard of. aren't friends people who care about each other and have affection for one another? this is someone that likes playing with other people's emotions and gets a high off of jerking them around. maybe she likes people around to laugh at her jokes and give her attention, but there's nothing more beneath it. move on from this one, it's not worth the drama even if she's good for a few laughs now and then.	so nta and you don't need her entitled vindictive pompous moronic trifling ass in your life.	i find it hard to believe it would take any bartender 30 minutes to make 15 drinks and split the bill. i'm not sure who is ta, maybe you for this bs story.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory: i've been friends with this girl for 2 years now, we'll just call her a. a can be a very nice, caring person and good listener but also selfish and entitled, especially when it comes to doing work for/with her. also she's the type of person who will always ask for your advice but will literally do the exact opposite of what you told her. actual story: about two weeks ago, we were at a club (basically our entire year was there, as we are graduating soon). until 10pm, all cocktails were 50% off. i arrived at about 9:15. a greeted me by telling me that there was no space at her table for me, but no where else either as she hadn't reserved a seat for me (thanks, i guess?). afterwards, i immediately got in line for some drinks. a was right in front of me and at about 9:30 it was her turn to order. she ordered at least 15 cocktails. the bartender started taking her order and a was being an annoying customer. why? while ordering a would ask what was in every single kind of cocktail and how it was made. this question-answer-game took about 5-10 minutes. finally the bartender started making the drinks slowly. a kept interrupting her and asking why she was doing whatever she was doing at that moment. another 10 minutes pass and not even half the drinks are made. people in line are becoming impatient. it's 9:45 and a looks at her watch, turns around to us and says in the most smug way possible with a grin on her face "oh well, you guys only have 10 minutes left, you better hurry up". another five minutes pass. again a turns around "well, that'll be close for you". at 9:58, all the drinks are made. all a had to do was pay. a and another girl decided to split the bill and started arguing about who would pay what. 9:59, they start getting their small change out. they pay all the drinks that way which takes at least another two minutes. well, happy hour might be over, but this story sure isn't. i decided to pull a karen and wanted to speak to the manager, a friend and i went looking for him and we met a, who asked us what we were doing. i told her and she replied "hm, at least i still got my drinks, so i'm fine" while grinning and trying to blow me a kiss. i slapped her hand away and told her to fuck off. a later comes up to me, telling me she's sorry i'm upset but it's not her fault, the bartender was being fast and i shouldn't be mad. she then offered me one of her drinks that i could just pay her for. i refused. about 20 minutes later a comes to me and starts yelling at me. she thinks it's stupid that i'm upset about that, i tell her to leave, she yells that she won't unless i'm not upset anymore about something stupid like this. i lost it and also yelled at her, telling her to fuck off. she then returns to her table and loudly tells people there how dumb i am being. later she texted me, wanting to talk. haven't talked to her since. some friends have criticized me for that, so aita in this situation?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> backstory: i've been friends with this girl for 2 years now, we'll just call her a. a can be a very nice, caring person and good listener but also selfish and entitled, especially when it comes to doing work for/with her. also she's the type of person who will always ask for your advice but will literally do the exact opposite of what you told her. actual story: about two weeks ago, we were at a club (basically our entire year was there, as we are graduating soon). until 10pm, all cocktails were 50% off. i arrived at about 9:15. a greeted me by telling me that there was no space at her table for me, but no where else either as she hadn't reserved a seat for me (thanks, i guess?). afterwards, i immediately got in line for some drinks. a was right in front of me and at about 9:30 it was her turn to order. she ordered at least 15 cocktails. the bartender started taking her order and a was being an annoying customer. why? while ordering a would ask what was in every single kind of cocktail and how it was made. this question-answer-game took about 5-10 minutes. finally the bartender started making the drinks slowly. a kept interrupting her and asking why she was doing whatever she was doing at that moment. another 10 minutes pass and not even half the drinks are made. people in line are becoming impatient. it's 9:45 and a looks at her watch, turns around to us and says in the most smug way possible with a grin on her face "oh well, you guys only have 10 minutes left, you better hurry up". another five minutes pass. again a turns around "well, that'll be close for you". at 9:58, all the drinks are made. all a had to do was pay. a and another girl decided to split the bill and started arguing about who would pay what. 9:59, they start getting their small change out. they pay all the drinks that way which takes at least another two minutes. well, happy hour might be over, but this story sure isn't. i decided to pull a karen and wanted to speak to the manager, a friend and i went looking for him and we met a, who asked us what we were doing. i told her and she replied "hm, at least i still got my drinks, so i'm fine" while grinning and trying to blow me a kiss. i slapped her hand away and told her to fuck off. a later comes up to me, telling me she's sorry i'm upset but it's not her fault, the bartender was being fast and i shouldn't be mad. she then offered me one of her drinks that i could just pay her for. i refused. about 20 minutes later a comes to me and starts yelling at me. she thinks it's stupid that i'm upset about that, i tell her to leave, she yells that she won't unless i'm not upset anymore about something stupid like this. i lost it and also yelled at her, telling her to fuck off. she then returns to her table and loudly tells people there how dumb i am being. later she texted me, wanting to talk. haven't talked to her since. some friends have criticized me for that, so aita in this situation? [/INST] nta she is not a friend. she is an attention seeker. i would dump that friendship and be happier without people like her in my life. were able to at least get your drinks? </s>
AITA for calling my bfs mom a c***	this one requires a bit of background. in the three years that i've dated my bf, i've never met his mother. this isn't on purpose - she just moves around a lot and the few times he's been able to go see her i've had something come up on my end. despite never having met me, his mother decided to spread a rumour to anyone in the family who would listen that i'm the reason he dumped his last girlfriend (not true) and that he was moving to a new city to get rid of me (also not true, we moved here together for my work). i was very upset about this. i expected an apology from her and my bf told me to drop it since she apologized to him after he called her about it. she has also taken my bf's cards and maxed them out and ended up getting him blacklisted a few years ago - which is relevant later in the story. my bf says his mom is not malicious, she "just doesn't think". i strongly disagree. fast forward a couple of months from that drama and my parents come visit us at our new place. they tell me they're getting divorced. i get horribly sick at the same time (i'm still sick right now) and i'm overall just having a shit weekend. i see on facebook that my bfs mother is planning to move to our city, to be with her sons. (his brother also lives here) my boyfriend and i talk about my parents splitting today, and he says that my mom takes joy in hurting people. he follows that up with "my mom is not like that". i get upset and bring up the stuff she did. he says it wasn't to intentionally hurt anyone, it's just because - and i interrupt him and say his mother is a cunt. i'm horrified that i said it, but there it is. i then tell him i dont want her staying with us when she moves up here because i don't trust her not to steal my cards. we have a massive fight. i apologize for calling his mother a cunt and he says "i don't care, i don't believe you" and leaves. i know that what i said was over the line but i feel like it's unfair that he's putting this all on me. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1lt7l/aita_for_calling_my_bfs_mom_a_c/	2019-06-17 10:12:14	esh your boyfriend judging your mother is wrong. rumorspreading of his mom about you is wrong and you calling her cunt is fucked up as well. you people should talk to each other about those issues. especially when you want to live together	so, he gets to insult your mom, but you can't say anything about his? that's some bs right there. also, you apologized, but i don't see where he offered up any sorry for speaking ill of your mom. and then there's the fact that his mom was spreading rumors about you, not him, but he's cool with her only apologizing to him (which i doubt she actually did). don't hitch your wagon to this dude. he's got a bunch of cc debt, mommy issues for days, a striking lack of sensitivity (who picks the day your gf finds out her parents are getting divorced to start bad mouthing their mother?!), and an unwillingness to put you first. esh you shouldn't have called his mother that, he shouldn't have been talking shit in the first place, and his mother shouldn't be meddling, stealing and horning in.	esh technically, but i probably would’ve done the same thing. why the fuck did your boyfriend think it was okay to pass judgement on your mum like that!? especially when you were obviously upset! i mean, you shouldn’t have called his mum a cunt in retaliation but i understand you probably did that in a bit of shocked defence, he did it for no obvious reason.	esh- there is nothing wrong with setting appropriate boundaries regarding his mother, but the cunt comment makes you an asshole. you don’t talk shit about someone else’s family. for the same reason your boyfriend is also an asshole for what he said about your mother. y’all need to work on your communication.	esh you’re obviously upset about your parents’ divorce. i’m sorry that’s happening. it’s also obvious that his mother is a difficult person, if her son can acknowledge that she likes to hurt people or enjoys their pain. i doubt you would have used that word to describe his mother (however accurate it may be) if you weren’t already upset. he came after your mom pretty hard, too. you do need to stand your ground about her not living with y’all or staying there until she finds her own place. good luck with that.	nta. my wife and i reserve the word cunt for very special people. i think you were justified in the use of it after context and what he said about your mother. with her past record of abuse (and his mothers behavior is just that) i wouldn't want her living with me either. telling him in plain "in your face" language what you think of her after his comment doesn't make you an asshole.	nta. yes, you shouldn’t have called his mother names but you apologised and he is refusing to accept it, while you’re supposed to be ok with no apology at all for the rumours she spread about you. you bf’s mother sounds awful, at first i thought he was just crap at setting boundaries with her but the more i read the more of an active asshole he sounds too	it depends where you are because “cunt” has a different impact depending on where you live.	null	null	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.584284	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this one requires a bit of background. in the three years that i've dated my bf, i've never met his mother. this isn't on purpose - she just moves around a lot and the few times he's been able to go see her i've had something come up on my end. despite never having met me, his mother decided to spread a rumour to anyone in the family who would listen that i'm the reason he dumped his last girlfriend (not true) and that he was moving to a new city to get rid of me (also not true, we moved here together for my work). i was very upset about this. i expected an apology from her and my bf told me to drop it since she apologized to him after he called her about it. she has also taken my bf's cards and maxed them out and ended up getting him blacklisted a few years ago - which is relevant later in the story. my bf says his mom is not malicious, she "just doesn't think". i strongly disagree. fast forward a couple of months from that drama and my parents come visit us at our new place. they tell me they're getting divorced. i get horribly sick at the same time (i'm still sick right now) and i'm overall just having a shit weekend. i see on facebook that my bfs mother is planning to move to our city, to be with her sons. (his brother also lives here) my boyfriend and i talk about my parents splitting today, and he says that my mom takes joy in hurting people. he follows that up with "my mom is not like that". i get upset and bring up the stuff she did. he says it wasn't to intentionally hurt anyone, it's just because - and i interrupt him and say his mother is a cunt. i'm horrified that i said it, but there it is. i then tell him i dont want her staying with us when she moves up here because i don't trust her not to steal my cards. we have a massive fight. i apologize for calling his mother a cunt and he says "i don't care, i don't believe you" and leaves. i know that what i said was over the line but i feel like it's unfair that he's putting this all on me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this one requires a bit of background. in the three years that i've dated my bf, i've never met his mother. this isn't on purpose - she just moves around a lot and the few times he's been able to go see her i've had something come up on my end. despite never having met me, his mother decided to spread a rumour to anyone in the family who would listen that i'm the reason he dumped his last girlfriend (not true) and that he was moving to a new city to get rid of me (also not true, we moved here together for my work). i was very upset about this. i expected an apology from her and my bf told me to drop it since she apologized to him after he called her about it. she has also taken my bf's cards and maxed them out and ended up getting him blacklisted a few years ago - which is relevant later in the story. my bf says his mom is not malicious, she "just doesn't think". i strongly disagree. fast forward a couple of months from that drama and my parents come visit us at our new place. they tell me they're getting divorced. i get horribly sick at the same time (i'm still sick right now) and i'm overall just having a shit weekend. i see on facebook that my bfs mother is planning to move to our city, to be with her sons. (his brother also lives here) my boyfriend and i talk about my parents splitting today, and he says that my mom takes joy in hurting people. he follows that up with "my mom is not like that". i get upset and bring up the stuff she did. he says it wasn't to intentionally hurt anyone, it's just because - and i interrupt him and say his mother is a cunt. i'm horrified that i said it, but there it is. i then tell him i dont want her staying with us when she moves up here because i don't trust her not to steal my cards. we have a massive fight. i apologize for calling his mother a cunt and he says "i don't care, i don't believe you" and leaves. i know that what i said was over the line but i feel like it's unfair that he's putting this all on me. aita? [/INST] esh your boyfriend judging your mother is wrong. rumorspreading of his mom about you is wrong and you calling her cunt is fucked up as well. you people should talk to each other about those issues. especially when you want to live together </s>
AITA for not helping my son get another job?	i(50m) work in a large lobby firm that has offices all around the united states. my son(23m) graduated from college and wanted to stay in virginia. my ex is in his life, but will only talk to him when he reaches out. he has always talked about wanting to do similar work that i do. i did some phone calls and my son got an interview with one of the firms in virginia. he did get the job and was very excited to start. he started in july and talked highly about the job and everyone he works with. i assumed things were going well as i didn't hear otherwise until we all got together for christmas. my sister asked how his job was going and he responded back saying i quit. i was shocked and asked what happened? he looks at me and says they gave me some feedback that i needed to improve on some areas and it pissed me off. i quit and left during lunch. my son turns to me and says oh dad, i was hoping you could ask a few of your friends if they have any openings. that would be great. i tell him sorry son, i can't help you. son looks visibly upset and says come on dad, i am unemployed right now and i know you can help me get a job. i told him that i would be happy to help him look for new jobs. he went back to virginia and has been very distant with communication. my ex found out what happened with the job and was very disappointed that i was not going to help son. aita for not helping my son get another job?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ruct1b/aita_for_not_helping_my_son_get_another_job/	2022-01-02 16:11:14	nta. your son is entitled and needs a dose of reality. he’s too old to be acting like this.	nta... you did help him find a job and then he decided to have a temper tantrum and quit that job. so at this point it is up to him to figure it out and get another job.	nta and as i'm also in va, every company is hiring right now. if he wanted, he could have six very good jobs by thursday.	nta. explain to your son that his poor performance at his last job is a direct reflection upon you. you devoted your entire career building up your network and cannot afford to burn any more bridges by providing him with your valuable contacts. he seems hell bent on destroying what you built. no thanks.	nta, your son left because they didn't like the feedback? it's going to be difficult to get any job that won't give criticism, he needs to learn to take that and be a better person.	nta you got him an opening and he blew it. that hurts your reputation. the inability to receive feedback that isn't "you're the best!" is a warning sign about his mindset. i'm sorry but your son has a lot of growing up to do.	nta, although i'm not sure what your ex has to do with anything here, or whether you did your son any favors by not spelling out for him that you're not willing to put your reputation on the line with your colleagues in case he decides to walk out over what might be perfectly reasonable feedback. not that he clearly wants to hear said feedback.	nta don’t keep burning bridges with your son and work relationships. if the ex wants him to have a job then the ex can help. unless the feedback was literally racist, sexist, etc there is absolutely no reason to just walk off a job. he didn’t even finish the day.	nta. make it very clear that you would love to help but the nature of a good workplace is that staff get feedback. this is going to happen to your son at his next job. you cannot in good conscience put your contacts in a situation where your son may not even finish the working day if he receives feedback on areas he needs to improve on. maybe tell your son that if he proves that he’s learned his lesson by getting himself a job and staying there for a year, then maybe you will consider helping get a step up (if you can), as long as he commits to never acting the fool in the workplace ever again	nta. he threw away a job because he was immature. time for him to grow up and get a job on his own.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(50m) work in a large lobby firm that has offices all around the united states. my son(23m) graduated from college and wanted to stay in virginia. my ex is in his life, but will only talk to him when he reaches out. he has always talked about wanting to do similar work that i do. i did some phone calls and my son got an interview with one of the firms in virginia. he did get the job and was very excited to start. he started in july and talked highly about the job and everyone he works with. i assumed things were going well as i didn't hear otherwise until we all got together for christmas. my sister asked how his job was going and he responded back saying i quit. i was shocked and asked what happened? he looks at me and says they gave me some feedback that i needed to improve on some areas and it pissed me off. i quit and left during lunch. my son turns to me and says oh dad, i was hoping you could ask a few of your friends if they have any openings. that would be great. i tell him sorry son, i can't help you. son looks visibly upset and says come on dad, i am unemployed right now and i know you can help me get a job. i told him that i would be happy to help him look for new jobs. he went back to virginia and has been very distant with communication. my ex found out what happened with the job and was very disappointed that i was not going to help son. aita for not helping my son get another job?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i(50m) work in a large lobby firm that has offices all around the united states. my son(23m) graduated from college and wanted to stay in virginia. my ex is in his life, but will only talk to him when he reaches out. he has always talked about wanting to do similar work that i do. i did some phone calls and my son got an interview with one of the firms in virginia. he did get the job and was very excited to start. he started in july and talked highly about the job and everyone he works with. i assumed things were going well as i didn't hear otherwise until we all got together for christmas. my sister asked how his job was going and he responded back saying i quit. i was shocked and asked what happened? he looks at me and says they gave me some feedback that i needed to improve on some areas and it pissed me off. i quit and left during lunch. my son turns to me and says oh dad, i was hoping you could ask a few of your friends if they have any openings. that would be great. i tell him sorry son, i can't help you. son looks visibly upset and says come on dad, i am unemployed right now and i know you can help me get a job. i told him that i would be happy to help him look for new jobs. he went back to virginia and has been very distant with communication. my ex found out what happened with the job and was very disappointed that i was not going to help son. aita for not helping my son get another job? [/INST] nta. your son is entitled and needs a dose of reality. he’s too old to be acting like this. </s>
AITA mother/daughter trip	aita because i am going to visit my daughters without my husband and teenage sons? here’s the breakdown….it started way back in the summer. i purchased a beautiful cedar gazebo from costco as a surprise for my husband. we had been discussing gazebos for some time. however, when i got the thing home he lost his mind. my uncle had come to help me bring it from costco as it was three large heavy boxes. we live 2.5 hours from costco. he refused to help us unload it and that resulted in me fracturing two toes (my fault). his reason for freaking out continually over the next three weeks? i didn’t ask him. he refused to help out it up and threatened to “burn it to ground” if i hired someone to do it. ok, so i returned it. i was disgruntled. fast forward to september. my daughters, who live on the west coast of canada asked if i would come out for a girls vacation. we are the east coast of canada. i have only seen my oldest once since stupid covid. my husband is, you guessed it, freaking out once again. he wakes me up in the middle of the night to berate me because i’m not planning a vacation with him and the boys. they all work and don’t have vacation time. plus, i really want to spend time with my daughters in a way that we never have. aita???	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y8y9wy/aita_motherdaughter_trip/	2022-10-20 13:27:06	nta. but the mother/daughter trip isn't the biggest problem in your marriage. i think you know that already.	nta and your husbands behavior is not normal and is extremely disturbing. please look at this list of abuse warning signs and see if any of this resonates with you: telling you that you never do anything right. showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them. preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers. insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people. preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school. controlling finances in the household without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses. pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with. pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol. intimidating you through threatening looks or actions. insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets. intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace. destroying your belongings or your home. [thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org)	nta, consider a divorce lawyer.	nta - i know how much those gazebos go for at costco, they really aren't that expensive. maybe more communicating could've helped there, but his reaction to it (who threatens to burn down a gazebo as punishment) is extreme. the vacation, it's not his place, your daughter invited you out for a girls vacation. now, i question if you've ever taken a vacation with him or the boys, there's no such thing as no vacation time. all jobs offer down time in one degree or another, it's a staple in the north americas. sick time, pto, even the crappier places to work offers it. so what's preventing a vacation with your husband or the boys? i don't know your husband or your marriage but at the very minimum his reaction to things is completely inappropriate and outright verbally abusive. if someone woke me up in the middle of the night to argue about a vacation, there's the door, go cool off somewhere i'm not sacrificing my sleep because you have issues	waking you up in the middle of the night to berate you is abusive.	nta it's he normally like this? he seems extremely controlling and unstable	nta but i’m confused what a gazebo has to do with a girls’ trip	"i'll burn it to the ground" thats a crime here in canada. not only by doing it but by threatening to do it. he's dangerous. go away, get a lawyer and stay with your daughters.	nta. girl, go quietly plan your trip. get your shit and head out after they go to work or sleep. turn your phone to block their asses. go visit your daughters. maybe permanently. because your husband sounds like a huge ah. and a definite candidate for what my wife calls "handfasting therapy " (long story. i was stupid. in order to avoid a permanent divorce, i had to agree to a yearly handfasting, which is a "temporary marriage of a year and a day". it's coming up on 10/23 again and i'm so excited! we've planned this huge ceremony as a surprise for her. her older brother is coming down from oregon to perform the rites and all our kids are cooking her favorite foods and compiling her favorite music. fil is even going all out in his zoo suit! it's like looking forward to our very first wedding, yearly! bonus, it reminds me that i'm supposed to love and cherish her above all others! but i digress!) nope. girl, run!	nta. ma’am, seriously….are you ok? your husband is completely unhinged over the most minute things that happen in day to day life.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita because i am going to visit my daughters without my husband and teenage sons? here’s the breakdown….it started way back in the summer. i purchased a beautiful cedar gazebo from costco as a surprise for my husband. we had been discussing gazebos for some time. however, when i got the thing home he lost his mind. my uncle had come to help me bring it from costco as it was three large heavy boxes. we live 2.5 hours from costco. he refused to help us unload it and that resulted in me fracturing two toes (my fault). his reason for freaking out continually over the next three weeks? i didn’t ask him. he refused to help out it up and threatened to “burn it to ground” if i hired someone to do it. ok, so i returned it. i was disgruntled. fast forward to september. my daughters, who live on the west coast of canada asked if i would come out for a girls vacation. we are the east coast of canada. i have only seen my oldest once since stupid covid. my husband is, you guessed it, freaking out once again. he wakes me up in the middle of the night to berate me because i’m not planning a vacation with him and the boys. they all work and don’t have vacation time. plus, i really want to spend time with my daughters in a way that we never have. aita???	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> aita because i am going to visit my daughters without my husband and teenage sons? here’s the breakdown….it started way back in the summer. i purchased a beautiful cedar gazebo from costco as a surprise for my husband. we had been discussing gazebos for some time. however, when i got the thing home he lost his mind. my uncle had come to help me bring it from costco as it was three large heavy boxes. we live 2.5 hours from costco. he refused to help us unload it and that resulted in me fracturing two toes (my fault). his reason for freaking out continually over the next three weeks? i didn’t ask him. he refused to help out it up and threatened to “burn it to ground” if i hired someone to do it. ok, so i returned it. i was disgruntled. fast forward to september. my daughters, who live on the west coast of canada asked if i would come out for a girls vacation. we are the east coast of canada. i have only seen my oldest once since stupid covid. my husband is, you guessed it, freaking out once again. he wakes me up in the middle of the night to berate me because i’m not planning a vacation with him and the boys. they all work and don’t have vacation time. plus, i really want to spend time with my daughters in a way that we never have. aita??? [/INST] nta. but the mother/daughter trip isn't the biggest problem in your marriage. i think you know that already. </s>
AITA:for “betraying” my former friend by being a lesbian	hear me out, if i’m indeed the asshole i shall let it go and move on. on a throwaway account because my friends know my main account. i’m a junior in high school and recently during our lunch time, i came out as a lesbian to a few of my close friends, most of them were pretty cool about it. well all of them except for one, let’s call him exfriend or ef. ef seemed pretty upset when i told him this, he started going on a rant about how i was committing a sin and that i was doomed to go to hell because god hates gay people. i just sat there for a minute and then excused myself to go to the bathroom and hide there till lunch was over. one of my other friends told me later on that i should apologize to ef for making him upset. i still feel bad, am i the asshole?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kw3ury/aitafor_betraying_my_former_friend_by_being_a/	2021-01-12 23:41:18	nta, dont apologise for being who you are, and certainly not because he has some outdated religious and homophobic views. thats his problem, not yours.	nta like what? sound like ef is either a homophobe or has a thing for you. either way he's acting like a child and you have nothing to apologize for.	hail satan. nta. ps : dump the second friend who told you to apologize. that's not your friend.	uhm... what? first of all, nta. second of all, your friends want you to apologize to your friend because he is a homophobe? that's ridiculous	nta this shouldn't even be a question. he's an asshole for getting upset at you over your sexuality	nta. i'm sorry but why in the hell should you apologize because he is a homophobe? drop him and the person who said you should apologize. neither one of them is good people and should promptly fuck off.	> if someone tells you to apologize for upsetting someone your clearly in the wrong. no, that's a sign that you need to critically analyze the situation that cause them to be upset and anylze why they're upset. nta	nta, of course. this idea of "apologize to someone to make things right" is ridiculous. you have no control over being gay or straight or anything. it's your "friend's" problem to deal with, not yours.	nta, op. you’ve done nothing to betray him. ex-friend is a bigot. in high school, i came out as bisexual and a friend immediately created distance because ‘the bible says’ don’t let him make you feel bad. don’t apologixe	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out, if i’m indeed the asshole i shall let it go and move on. on a throwaway account because my friends know my main account. i’m a junior in high school and recently during our lunch time, i came out as a lesbian to a few of my close friends, most of them were pretty cool about it. well all of them except for one, let’s call him exfriend or ef. ef seemed pretty upset when i told him this, he started going on a rant about how i was committing a sin and that i was doomed to go to hell because god hates gay people. i just sat there for a minute and then excused myself to go to the bathroom and hide there till lunch was over. one of my other friends told me later on that i should apologize to ef for making him upset. i still feel bad, am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hear me out, if i’m indeed the asshole i shall let it go and move on. on a throwaway account because my friends know my main account. i’m a junior in high school and recently during our lunch time, i came out as a lesbian to a few of my close friends, most of them were pretty cool about it. well all of them except for one, let’s call him exfriend or ef. ef seemed pretty upset when i told him this, he started going on a rant about how i was committing a sin and that i was doomed to go to hell because god hates gay people. i just sat there for a minute and then excused myself to go to the bathroom and hide there till lunch was over. one of my other friends told me later on that i should apologize to ef for making him upset. i still feel bad, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta, dont apologise for being who you are, and certainly not because he has some outdated religious and homophobic views. thats his problem, not yours. </s>
AITA bc I won’t split the cost of dinner for my fiancés family but asked him to contribute to my parent’s 60th present?	it was both of my parent’s 60th birthdays this year so my siblings and i wanted to do something special for them. my parents are the type that plan and pay for entire vacations, won’t accept payment for dinners, are very generous and always trying to help whenever possible. my siblings and i are finally in a place where we can financially afford to do something a bit more extravagant for them, so we decided to all chip in and get them an all inclusive trip. the cost was split between 3 of us, my brother is married so his contribution came from him and his wife, my sister and i are engaged so we both asked our partners if they’d like to contribute, not forced. my partner said no problem, knows how much my parents do for us and gave me $225 while i paid $275. (we got a great deal on the trip) fast forward to about 5 months later, it’s his brothers 20 something birthday (26/27?) and he says he wants to take his entire family out to dinner for his brother’s birthday. i said that’s a good idea until he asks me to split the cost of this birthday dinner with him. i told him i think that’s a bit of an unreasonable ask, as it’s just his brother’s birthday, i’d gladly pay for his brother’s birthday dinner but paying for his mom, dad, grandma as well doesn’t seem like a birthday present for his brother. he then brings up my parents present and how much he paid for that and why asks i wasn’t willing to pay such a small amount to take his family out to dinner when he paid so much for my parents gift. i remind him that a dinner for 6 people at a restaurant will cost around $250 (min) so asking me to pay $125 for his brothers birthday present is a big ask especially when it isn’t necessarily a gift for his brother but his whole family. (he seems to think we’ll end up paying around $60 each total for dinner? we live in a major city where this isn’t even possible for us as a couple so …are we taking them to like, subway?!?) i also reminded him that my parent’s present was for a pretty special birthday, 60, not just a random gift for a random year. am i the asshole here?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ygoojl/aita_bc_i_wont_split_the_cost_of_dinner_for_my/	2022-10-29 16:54:31	yta. he was generous and contributed to something you valued. you shut him down when he made the same request of you because you deemed the event of lesser significance. he may well assess future viability of the relationship in light of your refusal to reciprocate. he won’t be wrong.	yta and i cannot fathom how you don’t see the huge double standard here. you ask your partner for $200+ and it’s fine, but you can’t split a dinner check for him? come on.	yta. you're putting more value into your parents' birthday and saying it's inconsequential to celebrate his brother's birthday. how do you not see that as unfair? you both seriously need to work out what your financial contributions situation is. it seems like you have a very different, stingy view on things compare to him and it'll only cause more friction in the future. don't get married until you both have found a common understanding on finances. based on your response to another comment, you don't even seem genuinely interested in reading other people's perspectives and opinions and was on here thinking you'd been inundated with nta comments you can use to rub in your fiance's face.	yta. you are playing the semantics game. just because the situations aren’t exactly the same doesn’t make it completely different. if you take out all of the exact details the situation is the same. - you wanted to do something nice for [insert info here] and asked your fiancé if he would help pay. so he contributed money so you could do something nice for [insert info here]. - your fiancé wanted to do something nice for [insert info here] and asked you if you would help pay. you won’t contributed money so he could do something nice for [insert info here]. it doesn’t matter who it’s being done for it’s still doing something nice for other people. what you are telling your fiancé is that when you want to do things for other people he should help you but when he wants to do the same you shouldn’t have to help.	yta he should not have to contribute to your parents 60, but since he was willing to, it is only natural to expect the same in return. you do not get to make the rules as you go in favor of what you think is right. in all fairness, he should have said no to splitting your parents 60th and each take care of their own. but because you asked and he agreed, you should give him the same respect for his family. yta.	i'm going against the grain with nta. these are two different experiences to my view. for op's folks: * a decadanal observation (every 10 years) * recognizes many prior years of receiving parents' support * small universe of celebratees--just the 2 of them. for fiancee's bro birthday: * observed once a year * no precedential or moral reason for "treating the whole family" * event is not particularly meaningful * large universe of celebratees--all of fiance's siblings, and be extension op's 3 siblings, are subject to wanting annual largess * all the siblings will have birthdays each year for many years. most commonly, sibling or friend birthdays are funded as others have commented: everyone pays their own way, and the group chips in to pay for birthday boy/girl. i am also not prepared to automatically view fiancee as "nice" or "generous." he may well want to be a giver. but his proposal for financing bro's birthday disturbs the normal arrangement that i mentioned, which is radical, or at least as radical as it is generous. and playing that forward, is that really the financing model they want? too, people are funny and sometimes people host or finance parties not to, or just to, be generous, but to be seen as a "big player" of some kind. i think op should talk with fiancee about the precedential change they are proposing or at least risking for one or more sibling-financed annual birthday parties not just for this bro, but whether they will get dragged into this for each sibling on his side. sometimes we really are better off cooling our jets and sticking with convention. so, i vote nta.	op, you came on a subreddit asking people to judge you. why are you being so salty when they do so? yta. it doesn't matter if it's a 'random birthday' it's still a family occasion. if your partner can contribute over 200$ why cant you pay half that for his family? the gift for his brother is the dinner. if your partner asked you to pay 200$ for, say, an expensive watch for his brother, would you pay for that? your irreverent attitude and the entire post reeks of snobbery.	where are y'all going at $40 a head? i go out with family from out of state 4x a year for a meal and there is about 8 of us in attendance and the bill is always over $1k. appetizers, meal, drinks, dessert, coffee/tea. even if it's $60 a head that's still asking for $45 less than what he contributed to your parents trip, for a 20 something birthday dinner!?! this is why it seems unfair of an ask. it's not a milestone birthday or a graduation. nta	yta it is the same thing. you asked him to contribute to your parents' birthday gift. he's asking you to do the same for his brother. in your case the gift was a trip, in his case it's a birthday dinner.	yta. if you couldn't afford the present you chose for your parents' birthday party, you should have discussed that with your siblings and chosen a less extravagant gift. you started this, now your fiance thinks you're going halfsies on all gifts. you are choosing to focus on the significant vs random birthday factor. most people, including your fiance, will see this as you prioritizing your choices and your family over his. you started this by not simply paying for your own parents' gift.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	0.128	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: it was both of my parent’s 60th birthdays this year so my siblings and i wanted to do something special for them. my parents are the type that plan and pay for entire vacations, won’t accept payment for dinners, are very generous and always trying to help whenever possible. my siblings and i are finally in a place where we can financially afford to do something a bit more extravagant for them, so we decided to all chip in and get them an all inclusive trip. the cost was split between 3 of us, my brother is married so his contribution came from him and his wife, my sister and i are engaged so we both asked our partners if they’d like to contribute, not forced. my partner said no problem, knows how much my parents do for us and gave me $225 while i paid $275. (we got a great deal on the trip) fast forward to about 5 months later, it’s his brothers 20 something birthday (26/27?) and he says he wants to take his entire family out to dinner for his brother’s birthday. i said that’s a good idea until he asks me to split the cost of this birthday dinner with him. i told him i think that’s a bit of an unreasonable ask, as it’s just his brother’s birthday, i’d gladly pay for his brother’s birthday dinner but paying for his mom, dad, grandma as well doesn’t seem like a birthday present for his brother. he then brings up my parents present and how much he paid for that and why asks i wasn’t willing to pay such a small amount to take his family out to dinner when he paid so much for my parents gift. i remind him that a dinner for 6 people at a restaurant will cost around $250 (min) so asking me to pay $125 for his brothers birthday present is a big ask especially when it isn’t necessarily a gift for his brother but his whole family. (he seems to think we’ll end up paying around $60 each total for dinner? we live in a major city where this isn’t even possible for us as a couple so …are we taking them to like, subway?!?) i also reminded him that my parent’s present was for a pretty special birthday, 60, not just a random gift for a random year. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> it was both of my parent’s 60th birthdays this year so my siblings and i wanted to do something special for them. my parents are the type that plan and pay for entire vacations, won’t accept payment for dinners, are very generous and always trying to help whenever possible. my siblings and i are finally in a place where we can financially afford to do something a bit more extravagant for them, so we decided to all chip in and get them an all inclusive trip. the cost was split between 3 of us, my brother is married so his contribution came from him and his wife, my sister and i are engaged so we both asked our partners if they’d like to contribute, not forced. my partner said no problem, knows how much my parents do for us and gave me $225 while i paid $275. (we got a great deal on the trip) fast forward to about 5 months later, it’s his brothers 20 something birthday (26/27?) and he says he wants to take his entire family out to dinner for his brother’s birthday. i said that’s a good idea until he asks me to split the cost of this birthday dinner with him. i told him i think that’s a bit of an unreasonable ask, as it’s just his brother’s birthday, i’d gladly pay for his brother’s birthday dinner but paying for his mom, dad, grandma as well doesn’t seem like a birthday present for his brother. he then brings up my parents present and how much he paid for that and why asks i wasn’t willing to pay such a small amount to take his family out to dinner when he paid so much for my parents gift. i remind him that a dinner for 6 people at a restaurant will cost around $250 (min) so asking me to pay $125 for his brothers birthday present is a big ask especially when it isn’t necessarily a gift for his brother but his whole family. (he seems to think we’ll end up paying around $60 each total for dinner? we live in a major city where this isn’t even possible for us as a couple so …are we taking them to like, subway?!?) i also reminded him that my parent’s present was for a pretty special birthday, 60, not just a random gift for a random year. am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta. he was generous and contributed to something you valued. you shut him down when he made the same request of you because you deemed the event of lesser significance. he may well assess future viability of the relationship in light of your refusal to reciprocate. he won’t be wrong. </s>
AITA for not following the skincare routine my sister recommended to me?	i (15f) have an elder sibling (18f). my sister’s one of those kinds of people who’s really into skincare- she has an extensive range of face washes, along with aloe vera gel, herbal creams, rosewater etc. my sister follows a set routine and has finally been able to clear her skin of pimples and acne. now although i’m at the peak of puberty, i’ve always had really clear skin. the kind of skin that doesn’t require more than a light wash and cream as skincare. i also occasionally use hydrating face masks (about once a week) but haven’t been able to do so recently because of their low availability during lockdown. now i’ll admit i forgot to use face wash for a couple of months in quarantine, but i haven’t broken out acne or anything. my skin’s clear as ever, there’s just a few small blemishes that will go away if i wash my face properly. my sister, heavily concerned, forced me to follow her skincare routine the other night. it’s intense. my face is almost as clear as hers is, despite us having vastly different routines, but she insisted that i had to “open my pores”. the facewash and aloe vera gel was fine and my skin began glistening, but then she made me forcefully use rosewater. that really hurt. it made my entire face feel like it was on fire. my sister claimed that that was normal since “my pores were opening” and had me apply more. and the next morning, i found pimples on my cheeks after weeks of them being acne-free. now i’m not an expert on skincare, but in my limited research i’ve come to find that different people have different skin types. my sister obviously carefully chose the products that work for her skin type, but we obviously have very different skin types, and i don’t need acne removers or pore openers- but hydrating products, which i plan to get asap after researching more about dry skin. when i confronted my sister about this, she began screaming at me, and said that it was a coincidence that i broke out with pimples the same night she made me do her skin routine. i’m convinced i’m allergic to at least one of the products she used, so now i’m pissed at her not admitting that. she’s being egoistic for no reason. i guess i’m being dramatic but that’s how teen sisters are, so in the context of our ages and this situation and my allergic reaction, aita? tl;dr: my sister made me use her skincare routine and it caused an allergic reaction. she denies that it did, and blames me instead, so now i’m mad at her. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/goncff/aita_for_not_following_the_skincare_routine_my/	2020-05-22 17:12:08	nta. she's just mad that she has to jump through hoops to have clear skin and you don't.	nta, you're right, everyone's skin is different and if what you are already doing is working for you there's no reason for you to be forced to try (and stick to) something else if you don't want to. even if you had the worst acne ever and didn't want to try the new routine, that's your choice, not hers. it's yout skin after all, you can do what you want with it.	nta, "opening your pores up" 100% is not a needed thing unless you're getting some sort of treatment or something and your sister is being crazy. head over to r/skincareaddiction if you want real advice on what to do or why that caused such a reaction.	nta. it was sweet of your sister to take an interest in your skin care.. but not all skin care products are going to work for your skin. while i don’t think you should blame her for your pimples, i do believe that at the end of the day you just need to decide what works for you and what you want to do. it’s also common for new skin care products to cause breakouts just because your skin is not used to them. and it sounds like you put a lot of stuff on your skin that night that you hadn’t used before - your skin just may have freaked out a bit. on average it takes 3-6 months for your skin to adjust to new skincare products so keep that in mind.. thank your sister for caring but tell her you’ll figure out what works best for you. good luck!	nta - she's very much in the wrong. it's not suppose to give you allergic reaction and the skin is supposed to tingle when cleaned, not fucking burn. and you are right, she has chosen things that are right for her skin, which explains the heavier items, and not for yours. i don't dive too deeply into why your sister is being in denial, but you should stop using whatever products she recommends because it sounds like they don't suit you at all. \- from a skin care junkie p.s do not force things on people if they do not want to or will cause harm.	nta pores are not doors, they cannot be opened and closed at will. do they get more visible and slightly bigger with heat? yes. but even if you're having an facial ice bath, your pores aren't closed because it's cold. those pores are always open. if it was so easy to close them, nobody would get spots especially in winter because somethings gotta get in to cause a spot. it would be real easy to never get spots if we could command them to close. so i don't trust her info just from that. and if she had done her research, she would know that all skintypes react differently. your holy grail is someone elses holy nightmare. something might be wonderful to you, okay for another person and never again for another. there is no one size fits all. some people are oily. other people have no oils and are dry as hell. some people are in the middle. some people are a mixture of all of them! something hurting does not mean 'it's working'. it means wash it off asap! otherwise you'll irritate the hell out of your skin. pain is never a good thing in skincare. look after your skin, not kick the shit out of it. you'll make mistakes of course. i accidentally mixed vitamin c with some type of acid maybe? whatever it was, it felt like hellfire. oh my gosh, my skin was peeling and i was crying because i couldn't wash it off asap because someone was in the bathroom and i didn't think to run to the kitchen. but i've been very careful with vitamin c ever since. it's all about learning what works for your own skin. but just because you know what your skin needs, doesn't mean that gertrude's skin needs the same thing. there is a type of thing that happens when the skin is 'purging' because you're bringing gunk from a lower level to the top but i don't think that happened here.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (15f) have an elder sibling (18f). my sister’s one of those kinds of people who’s really into skincare- she has an extensive range of face washes, along with aloe vera gel, herbal creams, rosewater etc. my sister follows a set routine and has finally been able to clear her skin of pimples and acne. now although i’m at the peak of puberty, i’ve always had really clear skin. the kind of skin that doesn’t require more than a light wash and cream as skincare. i also occasionally use hydrating face masks (about once a week) but haven’t been able to do so recently because of their low availability during lockdown. now i’ll admit i forgot to use face wash for a couple of months in quarantine, but i haven’t broken out acne or anything. my skin’s clear as ever, there’s just a few small blemishes that will go away if i wash my face properly. my sister, heavily concerned, forced me to follow her skincare routine the other night. it’s intense. my face is almost as clear as hers is, despite us having vastly different routines, but she insisted that i had to “open my pores”. the facewash and aloe vera gel was fine and my skin began glistening, but then she made me forcefully use rosewater. that really hurt. it made my entire face feel like it was on fire. my sister claimed that that was normal since “my pores were opening” and had me apply more. and the next morning, i found pimples on my cheeks after weeks of them being acne-free. now i’m not an expert on skincare, but in my limited research i’ve come to find that different people have different skin types. my sister obviously carefully chose the products that work for her skin type, but we obviously have very different skin types, and i don’t need acne removers or pore openers- but hydrating products, which i plan to get asap after researching more about dry skin. when i confronted my sister about this, she began screaming at me, and said that it was a coincidence that i broke out with pimples the same night she made me do her skin routine. i’m convinced i’m allergic to at least one of the products she used, so now i’m pissed at her not admitting that. she’s being egoistic for no reason. i guess i’m being dramatic but that’s how teen sisters are, so in the context of our ages and this situation and my allergic reaction, aita? tl;dr: my sister made me use her skincare routine and it caused an allergic reaction. she denies that it did, and blames me instead, so now i’m mad at her. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (15f) have an elder sibling (18f). my sister’s one of those kinds of people who’s really into skincare- she has an extensive range of face washes, along with aloe vera gel, herbal creams, rosewater etc. my sister follows a set routine and has finally been able to clear her skin of pimples and acne. now although i’m at the peak of puberty, i’ve always had really clear skin. the kind of skin that doesn’t require more than a light wash and cream as skincare. i also occasionally use hydrating face masks (about once a week) but haven’t been able to do so recently because of their low availability during lockdown. now i’ll admit i forgot to use face wash for a couple of months in quarantine, but i haven’t broken out acne or anything. my skin’s clear as ever, there’s just a few small blemishes that will go away if i wash my face properly. my sister, heavily concerned, forced me to follow her skincare routine the other night. it’s intense. my face is almost as clear as hers is, despite us having vastly different routines, but she insisted that i had to “open my pores”. the facewash and aloe vera gel was fine and my skin began glistening, but then she made me forcefully use rosewater. that really hurt. it made my entire face feel like it was on fire. my sister claimed that that was normal since “my pores were opening” and had me apply more. and the next morning, i found pimples on my cheeks after weeks of them being acne-free. now i’m not an expert on skincare, but in my limited research i’ve come to find that different people have different skin types. my sister obviously carefully chose the products that work for her skin type, but we obviously have very different skin types, and i don’t need acne removers or pore openers- but hydrating products, which i plan to get asap after researching more about dry skin. when i confronted my sister about this, she began screaming at me, and said that it was a coincidence that i broke out with pimples the same night she made me do her skin routine. i’m convinced i’m allergic to at least one of the products she used, so now i’m pissed at her not admitting that. she’s being egoistic for no reason. i guess i’m being dramatic but that’s how teen sisters are, so in the context of our ages and this situation and my allergic reaction, aita? tl;dr: my sister made me use her skincare routine and it caused an allergic reaction. she denies that it did, and blames me instead, so now i’m mad at her. aita? [/INST] nta. she's just mad that she has to jump through hoops to have clear skin and you don't. </s>
AITA for not selling my house to family?	about 20 years ago i purchased a family home due to a grandparents illness. the home needed to be sold for insurance purposes (insurance wouldn’t cover if grandparents had any assets). so my parents asked if i would purchase it. at the time i was renting an apartment and agreed to purchase the house since the payment would be cheaper than rent. a little family background. we were a pretty close family. i seen my grandparents(mothers side) daily growing up. my mother was also great a guilt parenting and i was raised to do whatever she asked me to do. even after moving out i would get guilted into helping out or doing things her way. i finally wised up and started to tell her no. there is a lot more to the background but i think you get the point. anyway, fast forward 20 years from me buying the house. i now have a wife and three kids and we needed a bigger house. i let my mother know my intentions of putting the house up for sale four month before it was listed. mind you i have talked about moving off and on the past 10 years. i let her know my wife and i were looking for an agent and touring homes. come to the day i put the house on the market and i got three offers the first day! great right? so, i called and gave my family the news only for my mother to say “well your baby bother wants to buy the house”. when i asked if he had funding, they said he just applied. i discussed with my realtor and he reached out to my brothers bank to see where things were. now not only did my mother want me to sell to my baby brother, which i had no problem with, but for 10k cheaper than what it was listed for because that’s what he could afford. needless to say my brother was only pre-approved and was multiple steps away from getting approved. so i accepted another offer on my house which was 10k over asking. after telling the family i sold the house and purchased another one, my mother lit into me. basically calling me money hungry and i didn’t care about our family and not sure she would ever forgive me. that i basically sold a house that wasn’t mine in the first place and i stole from my grandparents by selling the house. remember the house wasn’t given to me, i purchased it. anyway it’s been about two years since the sell and things are still very awkward. am i the asshole?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u3wi57/aita_for_not_selling_my_house_to_family/	2022-04-15 01:19:27	nta i am always amazed at families expecting their family members to give up tens of thousands of dollars to assist other family members. who can afford to do that? why on earth should they? tell guilt momma she should have coughed up the 20k for brother to meet your best offer or butt out.	nta - your mom was basically asking you to give your brother $20k (the difference between his offer and the highest), and take a higher risk on the sale. not to mention the fact that it sounds like he can barely afford the house to begin with.	nta. your moms guilt is over the top. if she wanted your brother to have it so bad she should have given you the $20k difference. or bought the house when it was sold to you. don’t let her make you feel guilty. you did the best thing for your family.	nta. the house, the second you purchased it, was your house. i assume the mortgage was in your name. with the housing markets the way they are now, i makes perfect sense to take the offer 10k over asking. ask your mother if it was not a house that was in the family, would she expect you to take an offer 20k lower from a stranger just because that’s what that person can afford? i guarantee the answer is no.	nta your brother had months of warning, with no guarantee he'd get pre-approved. no obligation to hold off offers to indulge your family with a deal that costs you money. these people have been yanking your chain for years, just let them be awkward and walk away from attempts to reignite these conversations.	nta. it was your house for too many years to be called a family house. your mother is just upset in todays market you didn’t wait for family to scramble and get a loan. as you said you have voiced selling and their procrastination kept them from really trying to buy it.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about 20 years ago i purchased a family home due to a grandparents illness. the home needed to be sold for insurance purposes (insurance wouldn’t cover if grandparents had any assets). so my parents asked if i would purchase it. at the time i was renting an apartment and agreed to purchase the house since the payment would be cheaper than rent. a little family background. we were a pretty close family. i seen my grandparents(mothers side) daily growing up. my mother was also great a guilt parenting and i was raised to do whatever she asked me to do. even after moving out i would get guilted into helping out or doing things her way. i finally wised up and started to tell her no. there is a lot more to the background but i think you get the point. anyway, fast forward 20 years from me buying the house. i now have a wife and three kids and we needed a bigger house. i let my mother know my intentions of putting the house up for sale four month before it was listed. mind you i have talked about moving off and on the past 10 years. i let her know my wife and i were looking for an agent and touring homes. come to the day i put the house on the market and i got three offers the first day! great right? so, i called and gave my family the news only for my mother to say “well your baby bother wants to buy the house”. when i asked if he had funding, they said he just applied. i discussed with my realtor and he reached out to my brothers bank to see where things were. now not only did my mother want me to sell to my baby brother, which i had no problem with, but for 10k cheaper than what it was listed for because that’s what he could afford. needless to say my brother was only pre-approved and was multiple steps away from getting approved. so i accepted another offer on my house which was 10k over asking. after telling the family i sold the house and purchased another one, my mother lit into me. basically calling me money hungry and i didn’t care about our family and not sure she would ever forgive me. that i basically sold a house that wasn’t mine in the first place and i stole from my grandparents by selling the house. remember the house wasn’t given to me, i purchased it. anyway it’s been about two years since the sell and things are still very awkward. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> about 20 years ago i purchased a family home due to a grandparents illness. the home needed to be sold for insurance purposes (insurance wouldn’t cover if grandparents had any assets). so my parents asked if i would purchase it. at the time i was renting an apartment and agreed to purchase the house since the payment would be cheaper than rent. a little family background. we were a pretty close family. i seen my grandparents(mothers side) daily growing up. my mother was also great a guilt parenting and i was raised to do whatever she asked me to do. even after moving out i would get guilted into helping out or doing things her way. i finally wised up and started to tell her no. there is a lot more to the background but i think you get the point. anyway, fast forward 20 years from me buying the house. i now have a wife and three kids and we needed a bigger house. i let my mother know my intentions of putting the house up for sale four month before it was listed. mind you i have talked about moving off and on the past 10 years. i let her know my wife and i were looking for an agent and touring homes. come to the day i put the house on the market and i got three offers the first day! great right? so, i called and gave my family the news only for my mother to say “well your baby bother wants to buy the house”. when i asked if he had funding, they said he just applied. i discussed with my realtor and he reached out to my brothers bank to see where things were. now not only did my mother want me to sell to my baby brother, which i had no problem with, but for 10k cheaper than what it was listed for because that’s what he could afford. needless to say my brother was only pre-approved and was multiple steps away from getting approved. so i accepted another offer on my house which was 10k over asking. after telling the family i sold the house and purchased another one, my mother lit into me. basically calling me money hungry and i didn’t care about our family and not sure she would ever forgive me. that i basically sold a house that wasn’t mine in the first place and i stole from my grandparents by selling the house. remember the house wasn’t given to me, i purchased it. anyway it’s been about two years since the sell and things are still very awkward. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta i am always amazed at families expecting their family members to give up tens of thousands of dollars to assist other family members. who can afford to do that? why on earth should they? tell guilt momma she should have coughed up the 20k for brother to meet your best offer or butt out. </s>
AITA for giving my family members a deadline to move out of my house?	as of today, i have my grandfather, mother, younger sister, and their two pet dogs and pet cat living in my 3 bedroom house. my house is also occupied with my husband, myself, and our 3 year old daughter, plus our 3 cats. so, safe to say, it's crowded. this was, originally, supposed to be a temporary thing because of the covid-19 situation. both my mother and grandfather went out of work. both my mother and grandfather have received their stimulus check, and my grandfather is currently drawing unemployment while my mother went back to work last week. so far, i have not been given any money for utilities, food, pet care, etc. they have all been living here since the last week of march. putting that, and all of my other frustrations away, i sat down with both my mother and grandfather and told them they had until august 1st to be out of my house. i also told them they had to start helping with the utility bills and their own food costs starting this month (may) because my husband and i cannot keep supporting them any longer. thankfully, both my husband and i still work but our budget is getting stretched thin because we are essentially taking care of 3 extra people and 3 extra pets. my husband - thinks i am being too harsh on them. while i understand his point, he is out of the house 50 hours a week working. he isn't here during the day while i am dealing with my sister and grandfather. how i'm cleaning up behind them, taking care of my sister's dogs, etc. basically, it feels like i am raising 3 children instead of 1. he isn't home so he just doesn't see it and no matter how much i vent to him, he just doesn't get it. it's putting a lot of stress on me to go from managing a 3 person household to a 6 person household. i feel like the deadline from march 23rd until august 1st is plenty enough time for my mother and grandfather to save their money, find a decent place for all 3 of them and their 3 pets, and be out of my house. i know my husband means well, but he didn't live with my family for 18 years like i did and has no idea how they are because he isn't here all day except for saturdays and sundays. i also do not want my family members thinking they can stay here for year(s) and see it as a free place to stay and they are not obligated to help out with bills or food or help keeping up the house. my sister's cat has already torn up carpet in the room (that was my daughter's) she is staying in, her dogs have stained my carpet, and my grandfather has already somehow managed to clog both my kitchen sink and downstairs bathroom and i had to be the one to discover it and fix the clog. so, aita here? i know family is important, but i also want my marriage to survive this lol.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gcsla6/aita_for_giving_my_family_members_a_deadline_to/	2020-05-03 15:36:57	nta and you are still being a lot nicer than i would be. why on earth should you be obligated to support people who don't contribute anything to your household? are they not adults? they should at a minimum be cleaning up after themselves, contributing to the food bill, and paying rent.	nta that's plenty of time, even to find temporary lodgings before a more permanent place. i'm thoroughly shocked that they're not contributing to bills.	nta an august deadline to move and paying their share of utilities and groceries is reasonable.	nta. also, stop cleaning up after them. if there's a mess, there's a mess. your daughter needs space to play and stuff is in the way? make a pile. their dishes in the way of cooking dinner? a pile. i'd give your grandfather a slight pass. just keep in mind, your mom is probably pretty stressed, too. but no excuse to not clean up after themselves!	nta at all. be firm, be honest and be fair. which you have been. what did your family say in response?	nta but can't your mother & grandfather go back to their prior living arrangement? also have them sign a lease agreement.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: as of today, i have my grandfather, mother, younger sister, and their two pet dogs and pet cat living in my 3 bedroom house. my house is also occupied with my husband, myself, and our 3 year old daughter, plus our 3 cats. so, safe to say, it's crowded. this was, originally, supposed to be a temporary thing because of the covid-19 situation. both my mother and grandfather went out of work. both my mother and grandfather have received their stimulus check, and my grandfather is currently drawing unemployment while my mother went back to work last week. so far, i have not been given any money for utilities, food, pet care, etc. they have all been living here since the last week of march. putting that, and all of my other frustrations away, i sat down with both my mother and grandfather and told them they had until august 1st to be out of my house. i also told them they had* to start helping with the utility bills and their own food costs starting this month (may) because my husband and i cannot keep supporting them any longer. thankfully, both my husband and i still work but our budget is getting stretched thin because we are essentially taking care of 3 extra people and 3 extra pets. my husband - thinks i am being too harsh on them. while i understand his point, he is out of the house 50 hours a week working. he isn't here during the day while i am dealing with my sister and grandfather. how i'm cleaning up behind them, taking care of my sister's dogs, etc. basically, it feels like i am raising 3 children instead of 1. he isn't home so he just doesn't see it and no matter how much i vent to him, he just doesn't get it. it's putting a lot of stress on me to go from managing a 3 person household to a 6 person household. i feel like the deadline from march 23rd until august 1st is plenty enough time for my mother and grandfather to save their money, find a decent place for all 3 of them and their 3 pets, and be out of my house. i know my husband means well, but he didn't live with my family for 18 years like i did and has no idea how they are because he isn't here all day except for saturdays and sundays. i also do not want my family members thinking they can stay here for year(s) and see it as a free place to stay and they are not obligated to help out with bills or food or help keeping up the house. my sister's cat has already torn up carpet in the room (that was my daughter's) she is staying in, her dogs have stained my carpet, and my grandfather has already somehow managed to clog both my kitchen sink and downstairs bathroom and i had to be the one to discover it and fix the clog. so, aita here? i know family is important, but i also want my marriage to survive this lol.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> as of today, i have my grandfather, mother, younger sister, and their two pet dogs and pet cat living in my 3 bedroom house. my house is also occupied with my husband, myself, and our 3 year old daughter, plus our 3 cats. so, safe to say, it's crowded. this was, originally, supposed to be a temporary thing because of the covid-19 situation. both my mother and grandfather went out of work. both my mother and grandfather have received their stimulus check, and my grandfather is currently drawing unemployment while my mother went back to work last week. so far, i have not been given any money for utilities, food, pet care, etc. they have all been living here since the last week of march. putting that, and all of my other frustrations away, i sat down with both my mother and grandfather and told them they had until august 1st to be out of my house. i also told them they had* to start helping with the utility bills and their own food costs starting this month (may) because my husband and i cannot keep supporting them any longer. thankfully, both my husband and i still work but our budget is getting stretched thin because we are essentially taking care of 3 extra people and 3 extra pets. my husband - thinks i am being too harsh on them. while i understand his point, he is out of the house 50 hours a week working. he isn't here during the day while i am dealing with my sister and grandfather. how i'm cleaning up behind them, taking care of my sister's dogs, etc. basically, it feels like i am raising 3 children instead of 1. he isn't home so he just doesn't see it and no matter how much i vent to him, he just doesn't get it. it's putting a lot of stress on me to go from managing a 3 person household to a 6 person household. i feel like the deadline from march 23rd until august 1st is plenty enough time for my mother and grandfather to save their money, find a decent place for all 3 of them and their 3 pets, and be out of my house. i know my husband means well, but he didn't live with my family for 18 years like i did and has no idea how they are because he isn't here all day except for saturdays and sundays. i also do not want my family members thinking they can stay here for year(s) and see it as a free place to stay and they are not obligated to help out with bills or food or help keeping up the house. my sister's cat has already torn up carpet in the room (that was my daughter's) she is staying in, her dogs have stained my carpet, and my grandfather has already somehow managed to clog both my kitchen sink and downstairs bathroom and i had to be the one to discover it and fix the clog. so, aita here? i know family is important, but i also want my marriage to survive this lol. [/INST] nta and you are still being a lot nicer than i would be. why on earth should you be obligated to support people who don't contribute anything to your household? are they not adults? they should at a minimum be cleaning up after themselves, contributing to the food bill, and paying rent. </s>
WIBTAH if I called DHS on my friend 6 hours after having twin boys?	forgive my format and grammar, i'm flustered. so my best friend from childhood and i just reconnected. she and her girlfriend found out a month ago they were having twin boys(from a previous relationship on the gf's side). two months ago they were trying to sell me meth (which i have not and would not ever do). apparently they have both been bad on drugs for awhile, according to my friend before they found out they were having the boys. the boys were born 2 months premature and are in nicu. my friend has sent me several messages asking for financial help because they live in a pop up camper and have 3 outfits for 2 babies, no cribs, bottles, anything that would benefit infants(which could also be because they have only known for a month about the babies). i of course want to help but i know that they dont have the money because they spend it on drugs. i wonder if i'm being especially sensitive because my husband and i have been trying to have children for awhile now or if this is a serious concern. wibtah if i called dhs/cps?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iuydju/wibtah_if_i_called_dhs_on_my_friend_6_hours_after/	2020-09-18 03:14:32	nta, but i wouldn't be surprised if they've already been flagged by the hospital. in canada at least, nurses are trained to spot those kind of problems and at the very least connect the family to social workers who will definitely pick up on neglectful/abusive situations like this. poor babies.	as a mandated reporter, i encourage you to please file a report with your local child services yesterday. it's possible the hospital has already done so, as in my state cys is always involved in babies born addicted, but it never hurts to file another report. your state should have a hotline. nta	ywbta if you didn't report them. those children deserve a chance to live. they are in no position to be taking care of themselves, let alone two babies.	if the babies were born 2 months premature to a mother who was on drugs, then it's likely that child services has already been called. that being said, of course you can call cps or alert the hospital staff. nta.	definitely nta. hospitals sometimes drug test babies when they are born, especially if the parents have any sort of history or signs of being under the influence. if nothing else, these parents need resources for housing and such. get cps involved before they discharge from the hospital, it buys everyone more time to find possible caregivers for those babies. some states have drug courts where parents undergo intense treatment and babies can stay in the home with a sober caregiver...but i doubt this is one of those situations.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0.128	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: forgive my format and grammar, i'm flustered. so my best friend from childhood and i just reconnected. she and her girlfriend found out a month ago they were having twin boys(from a previous relationship on the gf's side). two months ago they were trying to sell me meth (which i have not and would not ever do). apparently they have both been bad on drugs for awhile, according to my friend before they found out they were having the boys. the boys were born 2 months premature and are in nicu. my friend has sent me several messages asking for financial help because they live in a pop up camper and have 3 outfits for 2 babies, no cribs, bottles, anything that would benefit infants(which could also be because they have only known for a month about the babies). i of course want to help but i know that they dont have the money because they spend it on drugs. i wonder if i'm being especially sensitive because my husband and i have been trying to have children for awhile now or if this is a serious concern. wibtah if i called dhs/cps?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> forgive my format and grammar, i'm flustered. so my best friend from childhood and i just reconnected. she and her girlfriend found out a month ago they were having twin boys(from a previous relationship on the gf's side). two months ago they were trying to sell me meth (which i have not and would not ever do). apparently they have both been bad on drugs for awhile, according to my friend before they found out they were having the boys. the boys were born 2 months premature and are in nicu. my friend has sent me several messages asking for financial help because they live in a pop up camper and have 3 outfits for 2 babies, no cribs, bottles, anything that would benefit infants(which could also be because they have only known for a month about the babies). i of course want to help but i know that they dont have the money because they spend it on drugs. i wonder if i'm being especially sensitive because my husband and i have been trying to have children for awhile now or if this is a serious concern. wibtah if i called dhs/cps? [/INST] nta, but i wouldn't be surprised if they've already been flagged by the hospital. in canada at least, nurses are trained to spot those kind of problems and at the very least connect the family to social workers who will definitely pick up on neglectful/abusive situations like this. poor babies. </s>
AITA for telling my wife that she was too harsh on my mom's boyfriend while he was apologizing?	recently we went to my mom's house because her asshole boyfriend owes my wife a huge apology. he used the c word a couple months back, and we have been strict no contact ever since. to be fair he was pretty sick and kind of drugged, but i don't care. i don't even want to look at him. we only agreed to hear him out for the sake of the extended family. so we got there and he was apologizing but stopped mid sentence to tell my mom to stop doing something. she was holding onto his arm and throwing herself back/going limp, so i get that he either couldn't focus or it was hurting him, so i didn't think much of him stopping. next time she did it he wouldn't hold her and she fell on the floor. he continued his apology and ignored her. i'd say it was a decent apology. so we sat down and he was explaining why he said what he said. suddenly he stopped and told my mom she better not eat that muffin, it was his and she had hers. i could see my wife getting agitated. my mom bit into the muffin so he got up, and she tried to run to the other side of the room and keep the muffin, but he took it from her, and came back. he tried to laugh it off but my wife told him he clearly wasn't sorry as he was focusing on my mom and not her. he said that wasn't fair and he gave a good apology but my mom's behavior is hard to ignore. my wife said she would not forgive him and will not be around him until he gives a sincere apology. he got agitated and said what is he supposed to do, lock my mom outside, because he cannot focus with her doing this stuff in the background. he sad she was being uptight and i stopped him right there and told him not to insult her again. however in the car i asked her to consider forgiving him. i said he sounded sincere and it is hard to focus on anything with my mom around, and this rift is hurting my sisters and my grandma. she got annoyed and i said i do feel she is being too harsh and he was sincere, but he has the right to not want to be harassed or have his food stolen. she is now hurt and feels i didn't defend her.	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zp1xa3/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_was_too_harsh/	2022-12-18 16:08:47	info: what the heck is wrong with your mother?	how old is your moms bf? like 6? chasing her over a muffin? i wouldn't accept his apology either, he and your mother seem very immature. plus yta, you cant force anyone to accept an apology.	yta an apology is not an automatic forgiveness machine. your wife doesn't have to forgive squat just because an apology was made, especially if she's unsatisfied with the apology. "what do you expect me to do, lock her outside?" is clear evidence that his mind was not on the apology, it was just a checkbox on his to-do list to tick off while he multi-tasks other things, nothing more. he was dotting his i's, crossing his t's. the apology was a performance and not a sincere effort to make the person he insulted feel better. i completely get where your wife is coming from. she has her boundaries about what kind of apology she accepts and this did not qualify. she is maintaining those boundaries as is her right. leave her alone. (to be clear here, though, the mother is the problem. the mother is 100% not apologetic at all and the way you describe her, is acting like a little kid. and the dude giving the apology is allowing that immaturity to rub off on him.)	omg what is wrong with your mother? she was sabotaging the apology. she ruined it. don't be mad at the bf for this instance. this was your mom's fault. dude, you need to tell your mom off. does she hate your wife that she was interfering in the apology? your mom's bf showed a lot of patience and was trying to apologize while your mom acted like a jealous toddler. your mom owes an apology to everyone. call her on her antics and be mad at the right person.	yta. first, you don't have any standing to demand your wife accept someone's apology. second, it sounds like your mom's boyfriend has some real anger issues. he is chasing your mother about something so prosaic as who is eating whose muffins? seriously?	yta it doesn’t matter if you think he sounded sincere your wife didn’t. it’s your wife’s decision on whether or not to accept the apology and you should be backing her up.	info: what the fuck?	esh. your wife is expecting rational behavior from clearly crazy people. you could read your wife better and tell your mom to knock it off. sitting around waiting for apologies is petty. manage your own behavior and expectations	info: is your mum ill or?	mother in law troll.	INFO	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	INFO	ESH	INFO	null	0.088719	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: recently we went to my mom's house because her asshole boyfriend owes my wife a huge apology. he used the c word a couple months back, and we have been strict no contact ever since. to be fair he was pretty sick and kind of drugged, but i don't care. i don't even want to look at him. we only agreed to hear him out for the sake of the extended family. so we got there and he was apologizing but stopped mid sentence to tell my mom to stop doing something. she was holding onto his arm and throwing herself back/going limp, so i get that he either couldn't focus or it was hurting him, so i didn't think much of him stopping. next time she did it he wouldn't hold her and she fell on the floor. he continued his apology and ignored her. i'd say it was a decent apology. so we sat down and he was explaining why he said what he said. suddenly he stopped and told my mom she better not eat that muffin, it was his and she had hers. i could see my wife getting agitated. my mom bit into the muffin so he got up, and she tried to run to the other side of the room and keep the muffin, but he took it from her, and came back. he tried to laugh it off but my wife told him he clearly wasn't sorry as he was focusing on my mom and not her. he said that wasn't fair and he gave a good apology but my mom's behavior is hard to ignore. my wife said she would not forgive him and will not be around him until he gives a sincere apology. he got agitated and said what is he supposed to do, lock my mom outside, because he cannot focus with her doing this stuff in the background. he sad she was being uptight and i stopped him right there and told him not to insult her again. however in the car i asked her to consider forgiving him. i said he sounded sincere and it is hard to focus on anything with my mom around, and this rift is hurting my sisters and my grandma. she got annoyed and i said i do feel she is being too harsh and he was sincere, but he has the right to not want to be harassed or have his food stolen. she is now hurt and feels i didn't defend her.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> recently we went to my mom's house because her asshole boyfriend owes my wife a huge apology. he used the c word a couple months back, and we have been strict no contact ever since. to be fair he was pretty sick and kind of drugged, but i don't care. i don't even want to look at him. we only agreed to hear him out for the sake of the extended family. so we got there and he was apologizing but stopped mid sentence to tell my mom to stop doing something. she was holding onto his arm and throwing herself back/going limp, so i get that he either couldn't focus or it was hurting him, so i didn't think much of him stopping. next time she did it he wouldn't hold her and she fell on the floor. he continued his apology and ignored her. i'd say it was a decent apology. so we sat down and he was explaining why he said what he said. suddenly he stopped and told my mom she better not eat that muffin, it was his and she had hers. i could see my wife getting agitated. my mom bit into the muffin so he got up, and she tried to run to the other side of the room and keep the muffin, but he took it from her, and came back. he tried to laugh it off but my wife told him he clearly wasn't sorry as he was focusing on my mom and not her. he said that wasn't fair and he gave a good apology but my mom's behavior is hard to ignore. my wife said she would not forgive him and will not be around him until he gives a sincere apology. he got agitated and said what is he supposed to do, lock my mom outside, because he cannot focus with her doing this stuff in the background. he sad she was being uptight and i stopped him right there and told him not to insult her again. however in the car i asked her to consider forgiving him. i said he sounded sincere and it is hard to focus on anything with my mom around, and this rift is hurting my sisters and my grandma. she got annoyed and i said i do feel she is being too harsh and he was sincere, but he has the right to not want to be harassed or have his food stolen. she is now hurt and feels i didn't defend her. [/INST] info: what the heck is wrong with your mother? </s>
AITA for not wanting my mom to visit me everyday?	so some background here i am a junior in college and i live in a house off-campus with a roommate and my brother. my parents do own the house but we all pay the same amount in rent each month so it is not like me and my brother are getting special treatment and living in the house for free. in the past, my mother would visit maybe once every few weeks or come up when we needed something. now in the past month, she's been here pretty much every day, now i don't mean 3 days a week i mean shes here 6-7 days a week. and when she is here she gets super political and talks about how much she hates my dad and super negative stuff like that. it's not gotten to the point where when shes says that stuff about my dad it messes with my mental health for the next couple days and i had to start seeing my therapist again. now today it culminated with a text saying she was coming down to see us for the 7th time this week. she then sat in our living room yelling at my brother while i am trying to study. i then finally went into my brother's room and asked him the questions my mom had been yelling at him for over an hour and got a response about if he wanted to go to the store with her or not. my mom then looks at me and asks why i am so grumpy by her just sitting there in the living room. i respond with your here every day. i didn't yell or use an angry tone when i said this i just said it in normal conversation. my mom then said well i will go home then and looked like she was about to cry when she left. i feel bad for making my mom upset but i just want to be independent and not have my mother breathing down my neck. my brother too has said that when my mom is over and says that negative stuff about my dad it gives him really bad anxiety. i have tried to bring up how the stuff my mom says to me and my brother about my mom is not okay but she blew me off and laughed about it. i do enjoy seeing my mom and spending time with her i just wanna be able to be an independent adult. so reddit am i the asshole?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhgee6/aita_for_not_wanting_my_mom_to_visit_me_everyday/	2019-10-13 20:53:02	nta >in the past, my mother would visit maybe once every few weeks or come up when we needed something. now in the past month, she's been here pretty much every day, now i don't mean 3 days a week i mean shes here 6-7 days a week. and when she is here she gets super political and talks about how much she hates my dad and super negative stuff like that. she's not visiting you, she's avoiding him.	nta y'all pay rent and she needs to back off, it sounds like she needs a counselor.	nta in most places landlords are not allowed to just drop in and hang out and i'm surprised your non-family roommate is alright with this. just because she's your mom doesn't mean you can't remind her of that and refuse to engage with her when you didn't invite her over. if that doesn't work, find another place to live.	nah because i don't think your mum is trying to be an asshole. something is clearly breaking down at home and she has nobody to vent to. i'm assuming your parents aren't divorced, because you didn't mention them being - but it sounds like it could be on the horizon. it sounds like she wnts space from home and you and your brother have the only place she can go. this doesn't mean you should accommodate it though - but she needs help and support. does she have any friends she can spend time with?	nta you gotta have boundaries. she was probably crying because she knew she was out of line. plus it must be hard having an empty house and being single all of a sudden. none of which is your fault.	nah. your mom is going through something. has she always spent so much time talking badly about your dad? do you have any other siblings left at home? sometimes parents focus so much on their kids that when they go off to school they realize their own relationship isn't the greatest. so it's a combination of she misses you and your brother, and she is maybe not sure what to do in this next part of her life. it's ok for you to need space to become an adult, though, so set limits on visiting times, but try to be gentle with her about it. also ask that she not speak so negatively about your dad in front of you; that is bad for the child no matter the age. suggest she talk with him about her issues with him. good luck and good luck in school.	nta - and always tears.. fucking guilttripping..	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	null	null	null	0.00461	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so some background here i am a junior in college and i live in a house off-campus with a roommate and my brother. my parents do own the house but we all pay the same amount in rent each month so it is not like me and my brother are getting special treatment and living in the house for free. in the past, my mother would visit maybe once every few weeks or come up when we needed something. now in the past month, she's been here pretty much every day, now i don't mean 3 days a week i mean shes here 6-7 days a week. and when she is here she gets super political and talks about how much she hates my dad and super negative stuff like that. it's not gotten to the point where when shes says that stuff about my dad it messes with my mental health for the next couple days and i had to start seeing my therapist again. now today it culminated with a text saying she was coming down to see us for the 7th time this week. she then sat in our living room yelling at my brother while i am trying to study. i then finally went into my brother's room and asked him the questions my mom had been yelling at him for over an hour and got a response about if he wanted to go to the store with her or not. my mom then looks at me and asks why i am so grumpy by her just sitting there in the living room. i respond with your here every day. i didn't yell or use an angry tone when i said this i just said it in normal conversation. my mom then said well i will go home then and looked like she was about to cry when she left. i feel bad for making my mom upset but i just want to be independent and not have my mother breathing down my neck. my brother too has said that when my mom is over and says that negative stuff about my dad it gives him really bad anxiety. i have tried to bring up how the stuff my mom says to me and my brother about my mom is not okay but she blew me off and laughed about it. i do enjoy seeing my mom and spending time with her i just wanna be able to be an independent adult. so reddit am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so some background here i am a junior in college and i live in a house off-campus with a roommate and my brother. my parents do own the house but we all pay the same amount in rent each month so it is not like me and my brother are getting special treatment and living in the house for free. in the past, my mother would visit maybe once every few weeks or come up when we needed something. now in the past month, she's been here pretty much every day, now i don't mean 3 days a week i mean shes here 6-7 days a week. and when she is here she gets super political and talks about how much she hates my dad and super negative stuff like that. it's not gotten to the point where when shes says that stuff about my dad it messes with my mental health for the next couple days and i had to start seeing my therapist again. now today it culminated with a text saying she was coming down to see us for the 7th time this week. she then sat in our living room yelling at my brother while i am trying to study. i then finally went into my brother's room and asked him the questions my mom had been yelling at him for over an hour and got a response about if he wanted to go to the store with her or not. my mom then looks at me and asks why i am so grumpy by her just sitting there in the living room. i respond with your here every day. i didn't yell or use an angry tone when i said this i just said it in normal conversation. my mom then said well i will go home then and looked like she was about to cry when she left. i feel bad for making my mom upset but i just want to be independent and not have my mother breathing down my neck. my brother too has said that when my mom is over and says that negative stuff about my dad it gives him really bad anxiety. i have tried to bring up how the stuff my mom says to me and my brother about my mom is not okay but she blew me off and laughed about it. i do enjoy seeing my mom and spending time with her i just wanna be able to be an independent adult. so reddit am i the asshole? [/INST] nta >in the past, my mother would visit maybe once every few weeks or come up when we needed something. now in the past month, she's been here pretty much every day, now i don't mean 3 days a week i mean shes here 6-7 days a week. and when she is here she gets super political and talks about how much she hates my dad and super negative stuff like that. she's not visiting you, she's avoiding him. </s>
AITA For telling my husband to stop watching The Simpsons with our son	my husband is a huge simpsons fan. if you get him together with his brothers, his friends, and his cousins, they can literally talk about the simpsons for hours, spewing quotes and jokes left and right and laughing their heads off. i've never been a huge fan of the show, but i try my hardest not to judge a 30-something man for laughing with his friends about a cartoon show. we have 2 kids, our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 18-months. when my husband found out that disney+ was going to have every simpsons episode ever, he subscribed the next day. since then, my husband has been watching old simpsons episodes with our 4-year old (he says the new ones suck and will argue til he is blue in the face that the show went downhill after season 13 or something like that.) at first, i thought it was cute that they had this to bond over. but then my 4-year old started quoting the show like his dad. my husband loves it and they will quote the show back and forth to each other non-stop now. i swear there are entire days where everything that comes out of my 4-year old's mouth are simpson quotes. it's driving me insane. i told my husband that maybe we should cool it on the simpsons episodes for a while. he asked why and i told him that i think our 4-year old is quoting it too much. he asked if anything he has said is inappropriate for a 4-year old and i told him that no, it isn't, but i just don't want him quoting the show all the time. he then asked if this was just about our son, or if this is about him. i told him that in all honesty, i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon. my husband looked like i had just stabbed him in the heart. i knew that i had hurt him so i tried to backtrack and apologize but he interrupted me and said if that's how i really feel, then he will stop watching it with him. later that night, our 4-year old asked my husband if he wanted to watch the simpsons together and my husband told him they should find something else to watch. our son threw a mini-tantrum, but my husband got a pixar movie on and they watched that instead. i tried to apologize to my husband for how harsh i was and to tell him that it just came out wrong, but he said i was just trying to make up for it and now he knows how i really feel about it. he's been noticeably quieter since then and he hasn't been as affectionate towards me. he's still fine with the kids though. i didn't think what i said was that bad, but it clearly hit a nerve with him. should i have just let it go? am i the asshole here?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kvef1s/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_stop_watching_the/	2021-01-11 22:58:08	yta it's a perfectly cromulent show. > he asked if anything he has said is inappropriate for a 4-year old and i told him that no, it isn't, but i just don't want him quoting the show all the time. at first i thought your reaction was jealousy about this newfound bond, but then... > i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon now i think you don't like your husband that much. and you're worried about not liking your own child?	>i told him that in all honesty, i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon. yeah, you just insulted the fuck out of your husband. this sounds like the problem isn't your son repeating things, it's your problem with your husbands personality. i'd be less afectionate too. yta	hold on hold on hold on disney+ has the simpsons? oh, yeah, yta, obviously	yta i totally don't think a 4 year old should be watching the simpsons. i was 100% on your side by the title. but you basically told your husband "i don't want our kid to grow up to be like you". you don't share a common interest and you just want him to shut up about it. and as soon as you said would you rather your kid constantly quoting caillou? so many of my friends bond over pop culture references. it's a thing. including simpsons.	yta. > he's been noticeably quieter since then i mean, you just told him you've been judging the things that come out of his mouth and find them wanting. why should he subject himself to further accusations of childishness? never mind that back in its heyday, the simpsons was the subject of plenty of intellectual analysis, and those older episodes still serve as a tool for adult comedians to study how humor works, so maybe you need to quit saying "cartoon" like it proves anything other than your own narrow-mindedness about what cartoons can be.	yta , your husband was excited and happy to share a great passion he has with his son. it’s something they bond over, spend time together and your son seems to enjoy it as well. but since you feel entitled to judge that an adult man liking a cartoon show was not an age appropriate passion, you decided to put a stop to it , while simultaneously belittling and shaming your partner. you blatantly told him that it wasn’t for concern about your son being exposed to age inappropriate media, but just that you don’t like his passion, don’t want to be bothered by it and don’t want your son to grow up as screwed up as his dad (a 30 year old man quoting his favorite cartoon show)....major yta!!!	a soft yta, and hopefully my situation will give you some perspective. i’m 31, and i love pokémon, video games and anime. i have two sons, 12 years and 6 months. when i find spare time i play my pokémon or watch my anime, my partner will pass by and ask, “what are you doing”? and i’ll explain to her my current situation in detail. she usually responds, “you’re a dork”, smiles, gives me a kiss and goes about her business. i know i’m a dork, and i know you may not generally find many successful individuals playing pokémon or being big fans of shows like the simpsons . but i also know she loves me regardless. because those dorky things are a part of me, and she still accepts me for it. and that’s makes my heart do cartwheels on a daily basis. so i guess my question to you would be, would you love them any more or less if they were different?	yta who needs to embiggen your mind.	yta because you aren’t worried about the content, you’re judging your husband for loving the show as an adult. it would be one thing if you found the show inappropriate but you don’t, you’re just judgmental that adults like cartoons too. many of us watched the simpsons growing up and are fine. many of us quote it to this day and are productive members of society. it’s not a big deal.	yta from here it sounds like you don't respect your husband. the simpsons are the longest running scripted sitcom for a reason you know.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is a huge simpsons fan. if you get him together with his brothers, his friends, and his cousins, they can literally talk about the simpsons for hours, spewing quotes and jokes left and right and laughing their heads off. i've never been a huge fan of the show, but i try my hardest not to judge a 30-something man for laughing with his friends about a cartoon show. we have 2 kids, our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 18-months. when my husband found out that disney+ was going to have every simpsons episode ever, he subscribed the next day. since then, my husband has been watching old simpsons episodes with our 4-year old (he says the new ones suck and will argue til he is blue in the face that the show went downhill after season 13 or something like that.) at first, i thought it was cute that they had this to bond over. but then my 4-year old started quoting the show like his dad. my husband loves it and they will quote the show back and forth to each other non-stop now. i swear there are entire days where everything that comes out of my 4-year old's mouth are simpson quotes. it's driving me insane. i told my husband that maybe we should cool it on the simpsons episodes for a while. he asked why and i told him that i think our 4-year old is quoting it too much. he asked if anything he has said is inappropriate for a 4-year old and i told him that no, it isn't, but i just don't want him quoting the show all the time. he then asked if this was just about our son, or if this is about him. i told him that in all honesty, i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon. my husband looked like i had just stabbed him in the heart. i knew that i had hurt him so i tried to backtrack and apologize but he interrupted me and said if that's how i really feel, then he will stop watching it with him. later that night, our 4-year old asked my husband if he wanted to watch the simpsons together and my husband told him they should find something else to watch. our son threw a mini-tantrum, but my husband got a pixar movie on and they watched that instead. i tried to apologize to my husband for how harsh i was and to tell him that it just came out wrong, but he said i was just trying to make up for it and now he knows how i really feel about it. he's been noticeably quieter since then and he hasn't been as affectionate towards me. he's still fine with the kids though. i didn't think what i said was that bad, but it clearly hit a nerve with him. should i have just let it go? am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband is a huge simpsons fan. if you get him together with his brothers, his friends, and his cousins, they can literally talk about the simpsons for hours, spewing quotes and jokes left and right and laughing their heads off. i've never been a huge fan of the show, but i try my hardest not to judge a 30-something man for laughing with his friends about a cartoon show. we have 2 kids, our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 18-months. when my husband found out that disney+ was going to have every simpsons episode ever, he subscribed the next day. since then, my husband has been watching old simpsons episodes with our 4-year old (he says the new ones suck and will argue til he is blue in the face that the show went downhill after season 13 or something like that.) at first, i thought it was cute that they had this to bond over. but then my 4-year old started quoting the show like his dad. my husband loves it and they will quote the show back and forth to each other non-stop now. i swear there are entire days where everything that comes out of my 4-year old's mouth are simpson quotes. it's driving me insane. i told my husband that maybe we should cool it on the simpsons episodes for a while. he asked why and i told him that i think our 4-year old is quoting it too much. he asked if anything he has said is inappropriate for a 4-year old and i told him that no, it isn't, but i just don't want him quoting the show all the time. he then asked if this was just about our son, or if this is about him. i told him that in all honesty, i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon. my husband looked like i had just stabbed him in the heart. i knew that i had hurt him so i tried to backtrack and apologize but he interrupted me and said if that's how i really feel, then he will stop watching it with him. later that night, our 4-year old asked my husband if he wanted to watch the simpsons together and my husband told him they should find something else to watch. our son threw a mini-tantrum, but my husband got a pixar movie on and they watched that instead. i tried to apologize to my husband for how harsh i was and to tell him that it just came out wrong, but he said i was just trying to make up for it and now he knows how i really feel about it. he's been noticeably quieter since then and he hasn't been as affectionate towards me. he's still fine with the kids though. i didn't think what i said was that bad, but it clearly hit a nerve with him. should i have just let it go? am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta it's a perfectly cromulent show. > he asked if anything he has said is inappropriate for a 4-year old and i told him that no, it isn't, but i just don't want him quoting the show all the time. at first i thought your reaction was jealousy about this newfound bond, but then... > i don't want our son to grow up to be a 30-year old man still quoting his favorite childhood cartoon now i think you don't like your husband that much. and you're worried about not liking your own child? </s>
AITA for refusing to let my biological dad meet my son?	my dad left my mum when i was around 3 and my sister was 1. he rarely paid child support and was generally non existant for the majority of my life. every few months he would get in touch and arrange a trip, or a hangout, and then 9 times out of 10 would bail at the last minute, or just simply not show up. we would get excuses a few days later, i forgot or i had to work or some other bullshit. during this time he had several partners, all of whom already had kids around my age. some of them went to the same school as me and i would hear all the great things they would do and how my dad is this great stand up guy. there were a lot of times where he would take my sister out for a couple of days and i wouldn't be invited or wasn't even supposed to know. this has led to my sister always defending my dad, and they are fairly close now (she has 2 kids and he has a good amount of contact with them.) about 9-10 years ago (i would've been late teens) he messaged me saying he was sorry for all the times he let me down, and that time was running out for us to develop a relationship. i replied telling him that he had 20 years to build a relationship and that i don't want anything to do with him. as far as i'm concerned he had his chance and i told him this. now i have a 2 year old son who has never met my dad. my partner supports whatever i decide in relation to this. my thought is if he wasn't a dad to me then why would i let my son get involved? my sister says i'm an asshole for this, that i'm denying him his grandson and i think my mum agrees but hasn't said as much. aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dkjocz/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_biological_dad_meet/	2019-10-20 13:34:53	nta your dad made his bed, now he can lie in it. without you and your son. i also suggest that you never trust your sister to watch your son because i wouldn't put it past her to arrange a meeting behind your back.	nta-just because he’s technically your father doesn’t mean you guys need to have any sort of relationship at all. like you said he had no interest in having a relationship when you were a child. so why would you need to have interest now.	nta. by virtue of not beng a dad to you, he loses the right to a relationship with your son. if you think through how this could pan out, your dad is the only one with an upside.	nta. first of all, doesn't sound like he's even asked to meet your son at this point? so don't burden yourself. second, what would be the purpose? what does your son have to gain from having a grandparent who's going to show up on occasion and not really be a part of his life? probably nothing. this is all about making your father feel better and that's not your responsibility. i hate when people act like grandchildren make any sort of difference to these situations. he denied you a father, so i think you're fair to deny him random visits with a grandson.	nta at all. blood relation doesn't make anyone entitled to a relationship if it's never been cultivated.	nta. protect yourself and your son. look at the drama and tension he's created in your life, and he wants to be more involved? you're seeing the situation clearly. trust your feelings. your sister had a different experience, but she should attempt to empathize with your pain and at least agree not to mention this again. tell her you know she means well, but you get to decide when you're ready if that time ever comes. until then, the subject is closed. allowing yourself to be pushed into this isn't healthy for your son or for you.	nta. you have to be a dad first in order to be a grandpa. it’s your responsibility as a parent to protect your son from him doing the same thing to him that he did to you.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad left my mum when i was around 3 and my sister was 1. he rarely paid child support and was generally non existant for the majority of my life. every few months he would get in touch and arrange a trip, or a hangout, and then 9 times out of 10 would bail at the last minute, or just simply not show up. we would get excuses a few days later, i forgot or i had to work or some other bullshit. during this time he had several partners, all of whom already had kids around my age. some of them went to the same school as me and i would hear all the great things they would do and how my dad is this great stand up guy. there were a lot of times where he would take my sister out for a couple of days and i wouldn't be invited or wasn't even supposed to know. this has led to my sister always defending my dad, and they are fairly close now (she has 2 kids and he has a good amount of contact with them.) about 9-10 years ago (i would've been late teens) he messaged me saying he was sorry for all the times he let me down, and that time was running out for us to develop a relationship. i replied telling him that he had 20 years to build a relationship and that i don't want anything to do with him. as far as i'm concerned he had his chance and i told him this. now i have a 2 year old son who has never met my dad. my partner supports whatever i decide in relation to this. my thought is if he wasn't a dad to me then why would i let my son get involved? my sister says i'm an asshole for this, that i'm denying him his grandson and i think my mum agrees but hasn't said as much. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my dad left my mum when i was around 3 and my sister was 1. he rarely paid child support and was generally non existant for the majority of my life. every few months he would get in touch and arrange a trip, or a hangout, and then 9 times out of 10 would bail at the last minute, or just simply not show up. we would get excuses a few days later, i forgot or i had to work or some other bullshit. during this time he had several partners, all of whom already had kids around my age. some of them went to the same school as me and i would hear all the great things they would do and how my dad is this great stand up guy. there were a lot of times where he would take my sister out for a couple of days and i wouldn't be invited or wasn't even supposed to know. this has led to my sister always defending my dad, and they are fairly close now (she has 2 kids and he has a good amount of contact with them.) about 9-10 years ago (i would've been late teens) he messaged me saying he was sorry for all the times he let me down, and that time was running out for us to develop a relationship. i replied telling him that he had 20 years to build a relationship and that i don't want anything to do with him. as far as i'm concerned he had his chance and i told him this. now i have a 2 year old son who has never met my dad. my partner supports whatever i decide in relation to this. my thought is if he wasn't a dad to me then why would i let my son get involved? my sister says i'm an asshole for this, that i'm denying him his grandson and i think my mum agrees but hasn't said as much. aita? [/INST] nta your dad made his bed, now he can lie in it. without you and your son. i also suggest that you never trust your sister to watch your son because i wouldn't put it past her to arrange a meeting behind your back. </s>
AITA for yelling at a boy who yelled at my son?	i was at the park with my children yesterday (7 and 5). my daughter always goes straight to the swings. we get there and there's a boy there, roughly 12-13 there swinging. the other was being occupied by a younger boy, around 5-6 ish. we wait...the 5 year old eventually leaves after 8 or so minutes of swinging and a girl that was there goes "i was waiting for it next..." i just nodded and just continued waiting with my daughter. the 12-13 year old begins rapping really raunchy lyrics and in certain moments begins literally screaming the lyrics. i'm annoyed and bend down to my daughter and go "hunny can't we just go play something else and wait for this boy to leave and then come back?" to which my daughter replies "but why mommy? i'm being so patient.." this kid stops rapping as another kid shows up wearing the same shirt as him. theyre both from a camp and there as a group apparently. this boy to the swinging boy "come on dude, youre hogging that swing, just stop" to which the spawn of satan replies "tell you what, leave me alone and i'll force someone to be your friend for a change" i blurt out "whoa. hey that's not cool to say to anyone" this kid turns to me and begins screaming his song again. at this i grab my daughters hand and go "lets go” she begins following me and this is when things go south... what i didn't notice was my older son had gone in the swing area and was watching everything..he turns to the boy and goes "hey, let my sister use the swing please" the kid turns to him and screams in his face as he swung close to him "nooo!" so i blurt out "what the hell is wrong with you?!" the kid jumps off the swing going "excuse me?" i then go "your behavior is really out of line and you need to leave right now!" he goes "no!" and tries grabbing the swing seat to swing it over the top railing so no one else can swing but fails at which i go "what do you think your counselors have to say to the way youre being, is that them over there?" and i point to what i thought were them. to this he runs out of the swing area like his life depends on it. as he leaves my daughter hops on. my kids just sort of swung silently but eventually loosened up and began laughing and playing again. as we were leaving the swing area a while later the boy comes back and has the cojones to come to me and go "are you the lady that was here before ? i didn’t appreciate what you said to me earlier”. at which i snap back "and i dont appreciate a bully yelling at one of my children, so behave your self, your too old for that!" and walked out. i told this story to two people and both agree that i said what needed said. but then why the hell did that entire ordeal leave me feeling so shitty? was i right in yelling? i mean i could have just walked away. i was the adult, i felt like i stooped to a low level. tl;dr: yelled at a kid in the park because he yelled at my kid and i feel like an asshole	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ccj0mc/aita_for_yelling_at_a_boy_who_yelled_at_my_son/	2019-07-13 00:38:27	nta. kids needs to checked. usually by their parents but in the absence of a parent, this was the right call.	nta the fact that you feel guilt kinda goes to show you’re a good person and you didn’t want to be pushed to the point of screaming at the kid	nta. hell, i would've gone right ahead and talked to the camp counselors (if they ended up being who you were pointing at) about it. one can only imagine how he's like in other places...	you're not the asshole. sounds like that kid needs a lesson in respect.	nta. it takes a village to raise these little assholes.	nta. someone needs to straighten the little fucks out, if their parents won't do it.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was at the park with my children yesterday (7 and 5). my daughter always goes straight to the swings. we get there and there's a boy there, roughly 12-13 there swinging. the other was being occupied by a younger boy, around 5-6 ish. we wait...the 5 year old eventually leaves after 8 or so minutes of swinging and a girl that was there goes "i was waiting for it next..." i just nodded and just continued waiting with my daughter. the 12-13 year old begins rapping really raunchy lyrics and in certain moments begins literally screaming the lyrics. i'm annoyed and bend down to my daughter and go "hunny can't we just go play something else and wait for this boy to leave and then come back?" to which my daughter replies "but why mommy? i'm being so patient.." this kid stops rapping as another kid shows up wearing the same shirt as him. theyre both from a camp and there as a group apparently. this boy to the swinging boy "come on dude, youre hogging that swing, just stop" to which the spawn of satan replies "tell you what, leave me alone and i'll force someone to be your friend for a change" i blurt out "whoa. hey that's not cool to say to anyone" this kid turns to me and begins screaming his song again. at this i grab my daughters hand and go "lets go” she begins following me and this is when things go south... what i didn't notice was my older son had gone in the swing area and was watching everything..he turns to the boy and goes "hey, let my sister use the swing please" the kid turns to him and screams in his face as he swung close to him "nooo!" so i blurt out "what the hell is wrong with you?!" the kid jumps off the swing going "excuse me?" i then go "your behavior is really out of line and you need to leave right now!" he goes "no!" and tries grabbing the swing seat to swing it over the top railing so no one else can swing but fails at which i go "what do you think your counselors have to say to the way youre being, is that them over there?" and i point to what i thought were them. to this he runs out of the swing area like his life depends on it. as he leaves my daughter hops on. my kids just sort of swung silently but eventually loosened up and began laughing and playing again. as we were leaving the swing area a while later the boy comes back and has the cojones to come to me and go "are you the lady that was here before ? i didn’t appreciate what you said to me earlier”. at which i snap back "and i dont appreciate a bully yelling at one of my children, so behave your self, your too old for that!" and walked out. i told this story to two people and both agree that i said what needed said. but then why the hell did that entire ordeal leave me feeling so shitty? was i right in yelling? i mean i could have just walked away. i was the adult, i felt like i stooped to a low level. tl;dr: yelled at a kid in the park because he yelled at my kid and i feel like an asshole	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was at the park with my children yesterday (7 and 5). my daughter always goes straight to the swings. we get there and there's a boy there, roughly 12-13 there swinging. the other was being occupied by a younger boy, around 5-6 ish. we wait...the 5 year old eventually leaves after 8 or so minutes of swinging and a girl that was there goes "i was waiting for it next..." i just nodded and just continued waiting with my daughter. the 12-13 year old begins rapping really raunchy lyrics and in certain moments begins literally screaming the lyrics. i'm annoyed and bend down to my daughter and go "hunny can't we just go play something else and wait for this boy to leave and then come back?" to which my daughter replies "but why mommy? i'm being so patient.." this kid stops rapping as another kid shows up wearing the same shirt as him. theyre both from a camp and there as a group apparently. this boy to the swinging boy "come on dude, youre hogging that swing, just stop" to which the spawn of satan replies "tell you what, leave me alone and i'll force someone to be your friend for a change" i blurt out "whoa. hey that's not cool to say to anyone" this kid turns to me and begins screaming his song again. at this i grab my daughters hand and go "lets go” she begins following me and this is when things go south... what i didn't notice was my older son had gone in the swing area and was watching everything..he turns to the boy and goes "hey, let my sister use the swing please" the kid turns to him and screams in his face as he swung close to him "nooo!" so i blurt out "what the hell is wrong with you?!" the kid jumps off the swing going "excuse me?" i then go "your behavior is really out of line and you need to leave right now!" he goes "no!" and tries grabbing the swing seat to swing it over the top railing so no one else can swing but fails at which i go "what do you think your counselors have to say to the way youre being, is that them over there?" and i point to what i thought were them. to this he runs out of the swing area like his life depends on it. as he leaves my daughter hops on. my kids just sort of swung silently but eventually loosened up and began laughing and playing again. as we were leaving the swing area a while later the boy comes back and has the cojones to come to me and go "are you the lady that was here before ? i didn’t appreciate what you said to me earlier”. at which i snap back "and i dont appreciate a bully yelling at one of my children, so behave your self, your too old for that!" and walked out. i told this story to two people and both agree that i said what needed said. but then why the hell did that entire ordeal leave me feeling so shitty? was i right in yelling? i mean i could have just walked away. i was the adult, i felt like i stooped to a low level. tl;dr: yelled at a kid in the park because he yelled at my kid and i feel like an asshole [/INST] nta. kids needs to checked. usually by their parents but in the absence of a parent, this was the right call. </s>
AITA for telling my neighbour to stop the loud DIY at 8am?	one of my neighbors has a love for doing loud diy in his back garden in the morning. i work shift, so therefore i do sleep in when i can to catch up on sleep. i know there is other neighbors around me that also work shifts including the nightshift. this neighbour has woken us up many times before doing obnoxiously loud diy. it's not the diy that is the issue, it's the time he chooses to do it in a very residential area. the country i live in is currently in the middle of a heatwave, we are not usually this hot so ac is not a thing. so after a restless night i finally got to sleep at around 4am, i was then awoken by what sounded like him drilling or cutting metal at around 8/8.30 so i went out and told him that just cos he was awake, doesn't mean everyone else needed to be. the law here does state you can make any noise you like from 8am, so aita?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vwfpil/aita_for_telling_my_neighbour_to_stop_the_loud/	2022-07-11 11:04:06	yta. he waited until "quiet hours" ended to start his work. just because you were trying to sleep doesn't mean everyone else needs to put their lives on hold. also, during a heat wave, working outside becomes unbearable the later it gets, so early morning may be the only time for him to get work done.	yta: you not being able to sleep is not his problem. most people are up by 8am. that's more than enough time to sleep.	yta it’s 8a and for most people, they are awake at that time. i’m sure he’s just trying to get things done before it gets too hot outside. no if you have politely asked him to tone down the noise until a little bit later then it would have been a nah judgement.	yta. where i'm from there are noise bylaws. he would be within his rights to make noise at 8am. which is not early by most working people standards. if you choose to work shift and have issue with the current laws that would be something to address with your city.	yta. your sleeping patterns are not your neighbor's problem and he has every right to work on anything he likes in the confines of his property. he is not breaking the law and honestly, if one of my neighbors came at me with that attitude, i would have told them to pound sand. it may be a very residential area and these often come with a variety of noises from dogs, kids, cars, lawnmowers, etc. there is no way you can control all the noise and people will not stop their lives because you can't sleep. invest in soundproofing, get ear plugs or move to an acreage if you want complete peace and quiet.	yta. it's not his fault that you stayed up until 4am.	yta. grow up.	yta 8am isn’t that early. but it’s a totally understandable time to be trying to get diy work done if it’s going to get unbearably hot later in the day. sounds like you’re lucky he’s waited till then!	depends on if there is a sound ordinance where you live. so long as he's within the law yta.	yta. you sound incredible entitled. he's not breaking any laws and just because you work odd hours doesn't mean he does. why would he ever have to talk or ask you about it? grow up. 8am is a perfectly normal time to be awake. your sleep patterns mean nothing	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: one of my neighbors has a love for doing loud diy in his back garden in the morning. i work shift, so therefore i do sleep in when i can to catch up on sleep. i know there is other neighbors around me that also work shifts including the nightshift. this neighbour has woken us up many times before doing obnoxiously loud diy. it's not the diy that is the issue, it's the time he chooses to do it in a very residential area. the country i live in is currently in the middle of a heatwave, we are not usually this hot so ac is not a thing. so after a restless night i finally got to sleep at around 4am, i was then awoken by what sounded like him drilling or cutting metal at around 8/8.30 so i went out and told him that just cos he was awake, doesn't mean everyone else needed to be. the law here does state you can make any noise you like from 8am, so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> one of my neighbors has a love for doing loud diy in his back garden in the morning. i work shift, so therefore i do sleep in when i can to catch up on sleep. i know there is other neighbors around me that also work shifts including the nightshift. this neighbour has woken us up many times before doing obnoxiously loud diy. it's not the diy that is the issue, it's the time he chooses to do it in a very residential area. the country i live in is currently in the middle of a heatwave, we are not usually this hot so ac is not a thing. so after a restless night i finally got to sleep at around 4am, i was then awoken by what sounded like him drilling or cutting metal at around 8/8.30 so i went out and told him that just cos he was awake, doesn't mean everyone else needed to be. the law here does state you can make any noise you like from 8am, so aita? [/INST] yta. he waited until "quiet hours" ended to start his work. just because you* were trying to sleep doesn't mean everyone else needs to put their lives on hold. also, during a heat wave, working outside becomes unbearable the later it gets, so early morning may be the only time for him to get work done. </s>
AITA? Denied showing my phone to the head of my after-school class.	so today, i walk into class, and as soon as i enter the reception, a creepy man asks me to give him my phone. not having seen him before, i straight away reply "no!". he said "what do you mean, no? give my your phone." i tell him, "why should i show you my phone?!" he asks the receptionist which class i'm in, to which i replay "x". the guy sitting next to him asks me if i know who he is, to which i say no. apparently, he was the senior-most head of the centre. and after some silence, i end up showing my phone. he sees it, observers it's switched off and says "good, you must keep it switched off within the campus." but then, he says that i must "respect" elders when they ask me something and "politely respond" by asking "why do you want my phone, sir?" i felt that anyone would be freaked out when some random dude asks them for their phone. that might be only me, though. so aita, or was i right? tl;dr the head of our class centre asked me to show him my phone, to which i unknowing replied "no".	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvqkk9/aita_denied_showing_my_phone_to_the_head_of_my/	2019-08-26 16:43:15	nta. what a weird situation. i wouldn’t of showed him shit.	nta - elders earn respect; they're not entitled to it. this guy sounds like doesn't deserve any.	nta - as a member of seniority above you, he should have made this clear after your initial confusion. i can understand why he didn't like your rude tone but he was pretty "i'm xxx, everyone should know who i am"	nta. you don’t show a random stranger your phone just because they demand you do, no matter how old they are. that’s how your phone gets stolen. if he wants to see your phone, he should introduce himself first and politely explain why he’s asking you to show it to him.	nta: too late to say this now but when he told you how you should have responded to him you should have said "and you should introduce and identify yourself if you don't want to be mistaken for a creepy stranger". not only should he have said "i don't know if we've met but i'm xyz the center head" but he shouldn't have demanded the phone without context as in "i'd like to see your phone i'm doing spot checks to ensure all students have them off while on campus". that whole respect thing is bs, if he used the words that were in your post then he obviously can't speak respectfully to you and you were right to push back until you knew who he was and what he really wanted.	nta- you genuinely didn’t know who he was. if someone straight up told me to give them my phone, i would have reacted the same way.	nta, you don’t owe anyone the ability to look at your phone and invade your privacy, whether they’re a teacher or not. they wouldn’t want you looking at their phone. it shouldn’t be different just because you’re a student	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so today, i walk into class, and as soon as i enter the reception, a creepy man asks me to give him my phone. not having seen him before, i straight away reply "no!". he said "what do you mean, no? give my your phone." i tell him, "why should i show you my phone?!" he asks the receptionist which class i'm in, to which i replay "x". the guy sitting next to him asks me if i know who he is, to which i say no. apparently, he was the senior-most head of the centre. and after some silence, i end up showing my phone. he sees it, observers it's switched off and says "good, you must keep it switched off within the campus." but then, he says that i must "respect" elders when they ask me something and "politely respond" by asking "why do you want my phone, sir?" i felt that anyone would be freaked out when some random dude asks them for their phone. that might be only me, though. so aita, or was i right? tl;dr the head of our class centre asked me to show him my phone, to which i unknowing replied "no".	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so today, i walk into class, and as soon as i enter the reception, a creepy man asks me to give him my phone. not having seen him before, i straight away reply "no!". he said "what do you mean, no? give my your phone." i tell him, "why should i show you my phone?!" he asks the receptionist which class i'm in, to which i replay "x". the guy sitting next to him asks me if i know who he is, to which i say no. apparently, he was the senior-most head of the centre. and after some silence, i end up showing my phone. he sees it, observers it's switched off and says "good, you must keep it switched off within the campus." but then, he says that i must "respect" elders when they ask me something and "politely respond" by asking "why do you want my phone, sir?" i felt that anyone would be freaked out when some random dude asks them for their phone. that might be only me, though. so aita, or was i right? tl;dr the head of our class centre asked me to show him my phone, to which i unknowing replied "no". [/INST] nta. what a weird situation. i wouldn’t of showed him shit. </s>
WIBTA for cancelling a donation to a ‘charity’ if I felt that the transaction was dodgy?	i’m in italy right now, and my girlfriend and i were approached on the street by a woman who was part of a ‘anti-drug charity’. she quickly coaxed my girlfriend into taking out here card, and quickly tapped in €40 into the card machine. my girlfriend put her card in and paid before i could react. when i asked the woman what exactly the money would be going towards, she just vaguely said ‘food, water, you know’. we walked away, and i had this terrible feeling that we just got scammed. would we be assholes if we contacted the bank and had them void the transaction to the ‘charity’?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cziq8m/wibta_for_cancelling_a_donation_to_a_charity_if_i/	2019-09-04 09:55:24	nta. fake charities are crazy common. if it feels dodgy, it probably is.	info request: is the account shared, or is it hers alone?	nta. it does sound like a scam. call the bank. if you feel guilty about it, you can always donate to a reputable charity.	no.	nta since charity scams are a thing. honestly best way to deal is to not donate if you have uncertainty about that charity. you might create more harm donating to a scam like that than you are by just spending money on junk food. and if you actually want to help donate to a charity that you are sure is doing something good with those money.	you might want to be concerned about the card number being stolen. i would cancel the card.	nta she was probably lying and it’s always good to do your research. i think it would be the right thing to do if you: void the payment get the money back spend the money on a charity that is secure alternatively, you could void the transaction and spend the money to give me reddit gold?	info did the lady give you any receipt? like, with the name of the charity and the "partita iva" (or p. i. it's a 11 numbers code used for taxes in italy) if not, it's definitely a scam, those are pretty common here. but, the fact that she had a card machine is odd, usually scammers take only cash.	null	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	null	null	0.052378	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m in italy right now, and my girlfriend and i were approached on the street by a woman who was part of a ‘anti-drug charity’. she quickly coaxed my girlfriend into taking out here card, and quickly tapped in €40 into the card machine. my girlfriend put her card in and paid before i could react. when i asked the woman what exactly the money would be going towards, she just vaguely said ‘food, water, you know’. we walked away, and i had this terrible feeling that we just got scammed. would we be assholes if we contacted the bank and had them void the transaction to the ‘charity’?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m in italy right now, and my girlfriend and i were approached on the street by a woman who was part of a ‘anti-drug charity’. she quickly coaxed my girlfriend into taking out here card, and quickly tapped in €40 into the card machine. my girlfriend put her card in and paid before i could react. when i asked the woman what exactly the money would be going towards, she just vaguely said ‘food, water, you know’. we walked away, and i had this terrible feeling that we just got scammed. would we be assholes if we contacted the bank and had them void the transaction to the ‘charity’? [/INST] nta. fake charities are crazy common. if it feels dodgy, it probably is. </s>
AITA for refusing to help my sister with wedding stuff until she helps pay for it?	okay here me out. i (f20) am being forced to help my sister (f30) with last minute wedding stuff. her wedding kept getting pushed back cause of covid or something would happen so they'd reschedule, the covid part 2 so they finally settled on september 3rd (about 13ish days away from when i'm posting this). my sister is bridezilla times like 10 and everytime they'd cancel and reschedule she would cancel everything. so the prices she originally budgeted for obviously would change with covid and people needing to make up money. so she called to double check that things were all set with her florist and photographer about a month ago and both price for the services went up. she freaks and cancels them and not has lost her photographer, all the bouquets, and the centerpieces. she cries to my mom till mom agrees to do the centerpieces and she would have done them except mom has had a lot on her plate lately and putting wedding decorations onto her work load caused her to have a breakdown in the middle of dollars tree. i said fuck it i'll take over cause i don't need my mom back in the hospital for a stupduy centerpiece. i got the stuff to make one (it's just a wreath form with fake flowers and fairy lights) to see if she liked my idea (she did). tells me i need to make at least 25 of them. i also called and got all her bouquets made for a super cheap price cause my florist lady loves me and also the flowers petals for the flower girl. i sit down and crunch the numbers and it come up to around $600 dollars to do. i don't even have that in my saving account to spend. i spoke to her about it and told her i would still help but she would have to pay a large chunk of it (i can maybe spend $175 on it). she freaks out saying because i'm family i should do it for free while also having to give her money for the honeymoon cause they don't want gifts for the wedding. i told her that until it is paid for i wouldn't be making them and she would also have to pay full price for the flowers because it is no longer me who would pick them up for her. she's pissed saying i'm just trying to ruin her day but my theory is that she would be paying for someone to do it so why does that mean i should give up my own money to help her. also context we're not that close, i don't even wanna go because it's such a shit show of a wedding already, and she didn't ask any of us to be her bridesmaids (there's four of us in total counting her). so i'm allowed to spend $600 to do your decorations and bouquets but not good enough to be in your wedding? so aita for refusing to help until she pays?	152	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p956j9/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_sister_with_wedding/	2021-08-22 03:26:28	nta you shouldn't have to pay for someone else stupidity. your sister is the one who canceled everything and shoot herself in the foot. even if you could afford you still shouldn't have to pay for the materials labor alone is generous enough.	nope nta. just because familllyyyyy doesn’t mean you are an atm.	nta. you said you don't even have $600 to your name so she should pay for the full amount or else you can't even do anything. you are helping her and she should treat you with more kindness and respect.	nta. her being family is not going to put that money in your bank account. and even if you had the money, it still wouldn’t be wrong to have her pay for it. she’s in this situation because of her own poor choices, not because of something you did.	nta she cancelled and needs to feel the price for her decision. you are helping her make it happen but can't do it 100%. this sister is just using you because circumstances and her poor decisions have driven the price up.	nta. you might be family but you aren’t first national bank. if a person can’t afford a wedding, they should have a civil ceremony.	yta but only to yourself for putting up with your obnoxious sister’s bullshit. why are you paying for anything at all? i truly don’t understand why you are even helping this lunatic let alone getting suckered into paying for stuff. learn to say no. a wedding is no excuse to act like a complete ah. she needs to chill.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	null	null	null	0.057131	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay here me out. i (f20) am being forced to help my sister (f30) with last minute wedding stuff. her wedding kept getting pushed back cause of covid or something would happen so they'd reschedule, the covid part 2 so they finally settled on september 3rd (about 13ish days away from when i'm posting this). my sister is bridezilla times like 10 and everytime they'd cancel and reschedule she would cancel everything. so the prices she originally budgeted for obviously would change with covid and people needing to make up money. so she called to double check that things were all set with her florist and photographer about a month ago and both price for the services went up. she freaks and cancels them and not has lost her photographer, all the bouquets, and the centerpieces. she cries to my mom till mom agrees to do the centerpieces and she would have done them except mom has had a lot on her plate lately and putting wedding decorations onto her work load caused her to have a breakdown in the middle of dollars tree. i said fuck it i'll take over cause i don't need my mom back in the hospital for a stupduy centerpiece. i got the stuff to make one (it's just a wreath form with fake flowers and fairy lights) to see if she liked my idea (she did). tells me i need to make at least 25 of them. i also called and got all her bouquets made for a super cheap price cause my florist lady loves me and also the flowers petals for the flower girl. i sit down and crunch the numbers and it come up to around $600 dollars to do. i don't even have that in my saving account to spend. i spoke to her about it and told her i would still help but she would have to pay a large chunk of it (i can maybe spend $175 on it). she freaks out saying because i'm family i should do it for free while also having to give her money for the honeymoon cause they don't want gifts for the wedding. i told her that until it is paid for i wouldn't be making them and she would also have to pay full price for the flowers because it is no longer me who would pick them up for her. she's pissed saying i'm just trying to ruin her day but my theory is that she would be paying for someone to do it so why does that mean i should give up my own money to help her. also context we're not that close, i don't even wanna go because it's such a shit show of a wedding already, and she didn't ask any of us to be her bridesmaids (there's four of us in total counting her). so i'm allowed to spend $600 to do your decorations and bouquets but not good enough to be in your wedding? so aita for refusing to help until she pays?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay here me out. i (f20) am being forced to help my sister (f30) with last minute wedding stuff. her wedding kept getting pushed back cause of covid or something would happen so they'd reschedule, the covid part 2 so they finally settled on september 3rd (about 13ish days away from when i'm posting this). my sister is bridezilla times like 10 and everytime they'd cancel and reschedule she would cancel everything. so the prices she originally budgeted for obviously would change with covid and people needing to make up money. so she called to double check that things were all set with her florist and photographer about a month ago and both price for the services went up. she freaks and cancels them and not has lost her photographer, all the bouquets, and the centerpieces. she cries to my mom till mom agrees to do the centerpieces and she would have done them except mom has had a lot on her plate lately and putting wedding decorations onto her work load caused her to have a breakdown in the middle of dollars tree. i said fuck it i'll take over cause i don't need my mom back in the hospital for a stupduy centerpiece. i got the stuff to make one (it's just a wreath form with fake flowers and fairy lights) to see if she liked my idea (she did). tells me i need to make at least 25 of them. i also called and got all her bouquets made for a super cheap price cause my florist lady loves me and also the flowers petals for the flower girl. i sit down and crunch the numbers and it come up to around $600 dollars to do. i don't even have that in my saving account to spend. i spoke to her about it and told her i would still help but she would have to pay a large chunk of it (i can maybe spend $175 on it). she freaks out saying because i'm family i should do it for free while also having to give her money for the honeymoon cause they don't want gifts for the wedding. i told her that until it is paid for i wouldn't be making them and she would also have to pay full price for the flowers because it is no longer me who would pick them up for her. she's pissed saying i'm just trying to ruin her day but my theory is that she would be paying for someone to do it so why does that mean i should give up my own money to help her. also context we're not that close, i don't even wanna go because it's such a shit show of a wedding already, and she didn't ask any of us to be her bridesmaids (there's four of us in total counting her). so i'm allowed to spend $600 to do your decorations and bouquets but not good enough to be in your wedding? so aita for refusing to help until she pays? [/INST] nta you shouldn't have to pay for someone else stupidity. your sister is the one who canceled everything and shoot herself in the foot. even if you could afford you still shouldn't have to pay for the materials labor alone is generous enough. </s>
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to call his cat “sweetie” instead of her actual name?	my boyfriend has a cat named luna. she knows her name is luna and responds to it. it's her name. but my boyfriend also calls luna names like "sweetie" and "cutie." for example when he gets home luna will usually go greet him at the door and he'll kneel down and pick her up and hug her and say something like "sweetie i missed you too." he's 100% talking to his cat not to me when he says that he missed her. i told him that i don't really like it that he calls his cat the same names he calls me. it's not right because his cat's name is luna and it's probably confusing to her hearing him call her "sweetie" and also hearing him call me "sweetie" as well. it's also weird because now when he calls me "sweetie" i just think about how he calls his cat "sweetie" and it's gross cause it makes me think he wants to fuck his cat. it's making me not like his cat anymore. i asked him to please stop calling luna "sweetie" and gave him my reasons but he says that i'm being ridiculous and won't listen. i told him that fine if he wants to call his cat "sweetie" then i don't ever went to hear him call me "sweetie" or any other nicknames that he calls his cat. he just laughed and said ok and i told him to stop being an asshole and he turned it around and called me an asshole and hasn't talked to me for a few days. am i really being the asshole here?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jy10d2/aita_for_not_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_call_his_cat/	2020-11-21 00:27:54	yta - you need to figure out your own issues your boyfriend clearly does not want to fuck his cat and while you might think it’s weird he calls you both the same names it only matters because you made it matter.	> my boyfriend has a cat. > it makes me think he wants to fuck his cat. just... wow. you sound exhausting. mild yta.	yta. think for a second. you are jealous of a cat.	\> it makes me think he wants to fuck his cat. girl, the weird and gross stuff in this situation is not your bf using pet names with his pet. it's your mind. that's what i was getting at. your mind is the weird and gross thing here. yta and please get a grip for everyone's sake. you are literally jealous of a cat. is that who you want to be? the woman who got dumped because she was jealous of a cat?	yta.how old are you ?	you, a 27 year old woman, are threatened by your bfs love and affection for his cat. god help us if you ever have a baby with him and he calls them sweetie too. i cannot believe you made the leap from him calling his cat sweetie to him being a kitty fucker. grow up. yta	yta for sooo many reasons. first off, how does your mind work?	yta - the cat is better than you.	yta. big time. you found a man who adores his cat and you’re upset about the loving nicknames he calls her...which he also calls you because he clearly cares about you too...and you’re jealous of a cat? good lord.	yta. you are jealous of a fucking cat. you need help.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend has a cat named luna. she knows her name is luna and responds to it. it's her name. but my boyfriend also calls luna names like "sweetie" and "cutie." for example when he gets home luna will usually go greet him at the door and he'll kneel down and pick her up and hug her and say something like "sweetie i missed you too." he's 100% talking to his cat not to me when he says that he missed her. i told him that i don't really like it that he calls his cat the same names he calls me. it's not right because his cat's name is luna and it's probably confusing to her hearing him call her "sweetie" and also hearing him call me "sweetie" as well. it's also weird because now when he calls me "sweetie" i just think about how he calls his cat "sweetie" and it's gross cause it makes me think he wants to fuck his cat. it's making me not like his cat anymore. i asked him to please stop calling luna "sweetie" and gave him my reasons but he says that i'm being ridiculous and won't listen. i told him that fine if he wants to call his cat "sweetie" then i don't ever went to hear him call me "sweetie" or any other nicknames that he calls his cat. he just laughed and said ok and i told him to stop being an asshole and he turned it around and called me an asshole and hasn't talked to me for a few days. am i really being the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend has a cat named luna. she knows her name is luna and responds to it. it's her name. but my boyfriend also calls luna names like "sweetie" and "cutie." for example when he gets home luna will usually go greet him at the door and he'll kneel down and pick her up and hug her and say something like "sweetie i missed you too." he's 100% talking to his cat not to me when he says that he missed her. i told him that i don't really like it that he calls his cat the same names he calls me. it's not right because his cat's name is luna and it's probably confusing to her hearing him call her "sweetie" and also hearing him call me "sweetie" as well. it's also weird because now when he calls me "sweetie" i just think about how he calls his cat "sweetie" and it's gross cause it makes me think he wants to fuck his cat. it's making me not like his cat anymore. i asked him to please stop calling luna "sweetie" and gave him my reasons but he says that i'm being ridiculous and won't listen. i told him that fine if he wants to call his cat "sweetie" then i don't ever went to hear him call me "sweetie" or any other nicknames that he calls his cat. he just laughed and said ok and i told him to stop being an asshole and he turned it around and called me an asshole and hasn't talked to me for a few days. am i really being the asshole here? [/INST] yta - you need to figure out your own issues your boyfriend clearly does not want to fuck his cat and while you might think it’s weird he calls you both the same names it only matters because you made it matter. </s>
AITA for accepting inheritance from in-laws and not attending Christmas party with husband's cousin who is pissed at me due to said inheritance?	my hubby ted's grandpa died last year. father-in-law took care of him during his last years. ted's uncle lives 2 hours away, visits occasionally. ted's cousins visit for grandpa's christmas party every 26th december and about twice more rest of the year. on these visits, they go home right away and don't help grandpa or fil prep food or clean up. after the death, fil is pissed because his brother and the kids don't help with sorting out grandpa's estate, cleaning his house to be ready for sale, etc. fil asks ted and i if we want something from grandpa's house as remembrance. i choose candle holders, a sword, photos, news clippings, a cool vintage baby crib in the family for generations. i underscore if anyone else wants them, they have dibs since i'm not a blood relative. fil thinks ted's cousin jack wants the crib, jack's sister wants the sword. i say no problem, they should have it. cousins arrive a separate day, jack chooses his stuff but doesn't mention the crib. they all agree to help clear out the house during a weekend. the cousins only arrive on the last day. fil is pissed but hides it. i have work, so i hear about this later from fil and ted. jack packs his stuff, including the crib. fil tells him "surfer wants that". jack gets angry, says he has long ago asked grandpa for the crib and he is his grandkid. fil scolds him "surfer visited grandpa and was there for him more than you and your siblings ever were when he lived, surfer deserves the crib more than you, and since i've been dealing with grandpa's estate without much help until today, i get a say in who gets what" ted comes home with the crib and informs me of the events. i'm shook, and say "is fil sure? jack can just get the crib, i don't need it i don't want to cause drama." ted agrees with his dad, says i shouldn't worry, jack will eventually get over it. after reassurance, i eventually gratefully accept. jack won't talk to me after that. ignored me at the memorial and subsequent family gatherings. 3 months ago i realize he deleted me on all social media. i only told ted, who deleted jack in rebuttal without me knowing. it's december 26 tomorrow, ted has work, i decline to go to the party since out of all the cousins (who barely talk to other relatives), only jack was friendly with me, and my sis-in-law and i don't get along. i don't want to sit through an entire day not having anyone to interact with aside from my busy fil, mil and fil's brother. ted tells his dad why i won't attend, though i asked him to lie and say i have work. fil is disappointed but says he understands. sis-in-law thinks i'm being dramatic and blames me for ted deleting jack and causing a family rift, and i'm 99% sure she and jack are united in their dislike and blame of me for the rift and have talked about me behind my back about this drama. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zv6y6f/aita_for_accepting_inheritance_from_inlaws_and/	2022-12-25 21:19:29	nta. they treated you awfully and you don’t have to spend the holidays with people who mistreat you because of something you legally and rightfully received and accepted. if they‘re so envious, they need to work on themselves and let you be!	nta. fil made decision on who gets the crib, you did not even persuade him. all you did is you told the truth to your hubby and fil. if the outcome of that is loss of "relationship" with jack and sil, then so be it. “that which can be destroyed by the truth should be”	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my hubby ted's grandpa died last year. father-in-law took care of him during his last years. ted's uncle lives 2 hours away, visits occasionally. ted's cousins visit for grandpa's christmas party every 26th december and about twice more rest of the year. on these visits, they go home right away and don't help grandpa or fil prep food or clean up. after the death, fil is pissed because his brother and the kids don't help with sorting out grandpa's estate, cleaning his house to be ready for sale, etc. fil asks ted and i if we want something from grandpa's house as remembrance. i choose candle holders, a sword, photos, news clippings, a cool vintage baby crib in the family for generations. i underscore if anyone else wants them, they have dibs since i'm not a blood relative. fil thinks ted's cousin jack wants the crib, jack's sister wants the sword. i say no problem, they should have it. cousins arrive a separate day, jack chooses his stuff but doesn't mention the crib. they all agree to help clear out the house during a weekend. the cousins only arrive on the last day. fil is pissed but hides it. i have work, so i hear about this later from fil and ted. jack packs his stuff, including the crib. fil tells him "surfer wants that". jack gets angry, says he has long ago asked grandpa for the crib and he is his grandkid. fil scolds him "surfer visited grandpa and was there for him more than you and your siblings ever were when he lived, surfer deserves the crib more than you, and since i've been dealing with grandpa's estate without much help until today, i get a say in who gets what" ted comes home with the crib and informs me of the events. i'm shook, and say "is fil sure? jack can just get the crib, i don't need it i don't want to cause drama." ted agrees with his dad, says i shouldn't worry, jack will eventually get over it. after reassurance, i eventually gratefully accept. jack won't talk to me after that. ignored me at the memorial and subsequent family gatherings. 3 months ago i realize he deleted me on all social media. i only told ted, who deleted jack in rebuttal without me knowing. it's december 26 tomorrow, ted has work, i decline to go to the party since out of all the cousins (who barely talk to other relatives), only jack was friendly with me, and my sis-in-law and i don't get along. i don't want to sit through an entire day not having anyone to interact with aside from my busy fil, mil and fil's brother. ted tells his dad why i won't attend, though i asked him to lie and say i have work. fil is disappointed but says he understands. sis-in-law thinks i'm being dramatic and blames me for ted deleting jack and causing a family rift, and i'm 99% sure she and jack are united in their dislike and blame of me for the rift and have talked about me behind my back about this drama. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my hubby ted's grandpa died last year. father-in-law took care of him during his last years. ted's uncle lives 2 hours away, visits occasionally. ted's cousins visit for grandpa's christmas party every 26th december and about twice more rest of the year. on these visits, they go home right away and don't help grandpa or fil prep food or clean up. after the death, fil is pissed because his brother and the kids don't help with sorting out grandpa's estate, cleaning his house to be ready for sale, etc. fil asks ted and i if we want something from grandpa's house as remembrance. i choose candle holders, a sword, photos, news clippings, a cool vintage baby crib in the family for generations. i underscore if anyone else wants them, they have dibs since i'm not a blood relative. fil thinks ted's cousin jack wants the crib, jack's sister wants the sword. i say no problem, they should have it. cousins arrive a separate day, jack chooses his stuff but doesn't mention the crib. they all agree to help clear out the house during a weekend. the cousins only arrive on the last day. fil is pissed but hides it. i have work, so i hear about this later from fil and ted. jack packs his stuff, including the crib. fil tells him "surfer wants that". jack gets angry, says he has long ago asked grandpa for the crib and he is his grandkid. fil scolds him "surfer visited grandpa and was there for him more than you and your siblings ever were when he lived, surfer deserves the crib more than you, and since i've been dealing with grandpa's estate without much help until today, i get a say in who gets what" ted comes home with the crib and informs me of the events. i'm shook, and say "is fil sure? jack can just get the crib, i don't need it i don't want to cause drama." ted agrees with his dad, says i shouldn't worry, jack will eventually get over it. after reassurance, i eventually gratefully accept. jack won't talk to me after that. ignored me at the memorial and subsequent family gatherings. 3 months ago i realize he deleted me on all social media. i only told ted, who deleted jack in rebuttal without me knowing. it's december 26 tomorrow, ted has work, i decline to go to the party since out of all the cousins (who barely talk to other relatives), only jack was friendly with me, and my sis-in-law and i don't get along. i don't want to sit through an entire day not having anyone to interact with aside from my busy fil, mil and fil's brother. ted tells his dad why i won't attend, though i asked him to lie and say i have work. fil is disappointed but says he understands. sis-in-law thinks i'm being dramatic and blames me for ted deleting jack and causing a family rift, and i'm 99% sure she and jack are united in their dislike and blame of me for the rift and have talked about me behind my back about this drama. aita? [/INST] nta. they treated you awfully and you don’t have to spend the holidays with people who mistreat you because of something you legally and rightfully received and accepted. if they‘re so envious, they need to work on themselves and let you be! </s>
AITA for not eating food with the rest of my family?	i'm not sure if that's what evrryone does or if its just us but my family loves to eat food in front of the tv and watch something while eating. problem is everyone in my family loves sitcoms and soap opera so everyday we watch one of those. i hate both of them. it's very boring because everyone is watching and discussing the show while i eat my food in silence. in my 20 years of life they have never agreed to watch something i like so last night i grabbed my dinner and went to my room to watch whatever i want in my laptop. my parents said i'm an asshole because family should eat together but honestly i dont want to do it. its so boring sitting there and watching something i hate, for 20 years	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xe7ld9/aita_for_not_eating_food_with_the_rest_of_my/	2022-09-14 17:15:31	nta. your family is not eating together. tell them you're willing to have family dinner without tv.	..... ....... i totally agree that families should eat together. this is a nice moment to talk about your respectives days and stay connected. but watching tv while eating ? come on. it's not like you are having interactions with them. you are just silently eating. if they want you to attend family dinner, the least they can do is actually have a dinner with you. nta	nta...the notion of eating together is nice. be sure to join them in the dining room when they wish to eat as a family. until then, i don't think you have an obligation to sit in front of their television simply because that's where the food is.	nta. if they wanted to “eat together” they could eat at the table and have actual conversations.	this reads like an early part of matilda	nta the entire concept of "family eating together" has always been about family spending quality time together around a dinner table, actually paying attention to each other and sharing a meal in a meaningful way, engaging each other in conversation, etc. it is ridiculously reductive to even suggest that "family eating together" is represented by a family literally just existing in the same room watching tv and mostly ignoring each other's presence. that's just . . . not remotely what any mental health professional or sociologist was suggesting. ever. your family aren't together, they're eating "in close proximity to each other". it's not remotely the same thing. and there's absolutely no logical reason why you need to be in the room with them, since they're not even engaging with each other while they eat. enjoy your dinner in peace and quiet. nta.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm not sure if that's what evrryone does or if its just us but my family loves to eat food in front of the tv and watch something while eating. problem is everyone in my family loves sitcoms and soap opera so everyday we watch one of those. i hate both of them. it's very boring because everyone is watching and discussing the show while i eat my food in silence. in my 20 years of life they have never agreed to watch something i like so last night i grabbed my dinner and went to my room to watch whatever i want in my laptop. my parents said i'm an asshole because family should eat together but honestly i dont want to do it. its so boring sitting there and watching something i hate, for 20 years	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm not sure if that's what evrryone does or if its just us but my family loves to eat food in front of the tv and watch something while eating. problem is everyone in my family loves sitcoms and soap opera so everyday we watch one of those. i hate both of them. it's very boring because everyone is watching and discussing the show while i eat my food in silence. in my 20 years of life they have never agreed to watch something i like so last night i grabbed my dinner and went to my room to watch whatever i want in my laptop. my parents said i'm an asshole because family should eat together but honestly i dont want to do it. its so boring sitting there and watching something i hate, for 20 years [/INST] nta. your family is not eating together. tell them you're willing to have family dinner without tv. </s>
WIBTA for telling guests we like very much that they can’t come to our backyard wedding?	or really, wwbta - would we be the assholes? my fiancé and i are getting married in 4 weeks. it was meant to be a whole big party with nearly 200 guests, but obvs that can’t be the case right now. we’re doing the big reception party with the original guest list next year, but we changed our wedding plans to just be in our backyard with only our parents and our siblings. my fiancé’s aunt has said she and her husband will be crashing our wedding. she confirmed it again today. it’s not clear why she wants to be at our wedding so badly (my fiancé likes her a lot, but they’re not super duper close or anything), but she’s adamant. my fiancé and i both really like his aunt and uncle. we really do. we want them to be at our wedding, but we also really wanted the other 190+ guests we had invited aside from our parents and siblings to be at our wedding too. but it just didn’t work out that way this year. everyone else has respected our wishes and hasn’t insisted on crashing our wedding. just his aunt and uncle (and really it’s mostly just his aunt). i feel like we shouldn’t reward them disrespecting our wishes by allowing them to actually attend our wedding. i also feel like it will cause a lot of strife in the family when (inevitably) everyone who wasn’t invited to this backyard wedding finds out that the aunt and uncle were allowed to come. my fiancé and i are on the same page about our dilemma. we don’t want them to be here at our wedding, but we also don’t want to be assholes who turn them away if they do show up (it’s a 5 hour drive from where they live to where we are, though they do have an rv they’ll bring). my fiancé’s aunt is very sensitive and will take it extremely personally if we tell them not to show up or turn them away, so we’re going to be the assholes in her eyes no matter what. but objectively speaking, would we be the assholes if we turn away guests that we actually want to have at our backyard wedding only because it’s unfair to other guests who weren’t invited and because we don’t want to reward them overstepping their boundaries?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ir553t/wibta_for_telling_guests_we_like_very_much_that/	2020-09-12 03:17:26	nta. its not that you dont want them there or don't like them, but there's a pandemic going on right now. them straight up disregarding that and your wishes by saying they will crash your wedding is majorly disrespectful and makes them ta. they'll just have to understand, but be insistent on what you want. it's your wedding, if they like you enough back theyll respect that.	nta. if the circumstances were different then of course you could have all your guests at your wedding. ultimately its your special day and your wishes should be respected. yes do not allow this type of behavior to continue. try to explain to them all the reasons why they cannot attend but make it clear its not personal but it is important that they listen because they will not be admitted if they show up. hopefully giving them fair warning might make them think about crashing the wedding.	nta, that's how it goes and frankly they can suck it up. i'm sure its worse for you not getting to invite people that you want as opposed to their not getting to attend anyway.	nah. i understand that your aunt and uncle want to show up, but they need to get over themselves and respect your wishes. i can't attend my friend's wedding, and i'm not crying about it even though i'd really like to. i wouldn't allow them in and turn them away. i'd give them a stern warning about it too. something in the lines of "hey, i understand that you really want to come to the wedding, but under the circumstances, it's not possible. if i allow you to attend, how would our other hundreds of guests feel? i understand you're family, but even our extended family would be too much right now. just a fair warning, before you waste your time and money, if you do show up, we will have no choice but to turn you away. we hope you understand and take our request to heart. we cannot wait to see you at next year's event. much love."	nta ”we don’t want them to be here at our wedding, but we also don’t want to be assholes who turn them away if they do show up” you wouldn’t be. if they show up insistent on crashing your wedding then they would be conclusively a-holes, and the \only\ a-holes at your wedding.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0.002	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: or really, wwbta - would we be the assholes? my fiancé and i are getting married in 4 weeks. it was meant to be a whole big party with nearly 200 guests, but obvs that can’t be the case right now. we’re doing the big reception party with the original guest list next year, but we changed our wedding plans to just be in our backyard with only our parents and our siblings. my fiancé’s aunt has said she and her husband will be crashing our wedding. she confirmed it again today. it’s not clear why she wants to be at our wedding so badly (my fiancé likes her a lot, but they’re not super duper close or anything), but she’s adamant. my fiancé and i both really like his aunt and uncle. we really do. we want them to be at our wedding, but we also really wanted the other 190+ guests we had invited aside from our parents and siblings to be at our wedding too. but it just didn’t work out that way this year. everyone else has respected our wishes and hasn’t insisted on crashing our wedding. just his aunt and uncle (and really it’s mostly just his aunt). i feel like we shouldn’t reward them disrespecting our wishes by allowing them to actually attend our wedding. i also feel like it will cause a lot of strife in the family when (inevitably) everyone who wasn’t invited to this backyard wedding finds out that the aunt and uncle were allowed to come. my fiancé and i are on the same page about our dilemma. we don’t want them to be here at our wedding, but we also don’t want to be assholes who turn them away if they do show up (it’s a 5 hour drive from where they live to where we are, though they do have an rv they’ll bring). my fiancé’s aunt is very sensitive and will take it extremely personally if we tell them not to show up or turn them away, so we’re going to be the assholes in her eyes no matter what. but objectively speaking, would we be the assholes if we turn away guests that we actually want to have at our backyard wedding only because it’s unfair to other guests who weren’t invited and because we don’t want to reward them overstepping their boundaries?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> or really, wwbta - would we be the assholes? my fiancé and i are getting married in 4 weeks. it was meant to be a whole big party with nearly 200 guests, but obvs that can’t be the case right now. we’re doing the big reception party with the original guest list next year, but we changed our wedding plans to just be in our backyard with only our parents and our siblings. my fiancé’s aunt has said she and her husband will be crashing our wedding. she confirmed it again today. it’s not clear why she wants to be at our wedding so badly (my fiancé likes her a lot, but they’re not super duper close or anything), but she’s adamant. my fiancé and i both really like his aunt and uncle. we really do. we want them to be at our wedding, but we also really wanted the other 190+ guests we had invited aside from our parents and siblings to be at our wedding too. but it just didn’t work out that way this year. everyone else has respected our wishes and hasn’t insisted on crashing our wedding. just his aunt and uncle (and really it’s mostly just his aunt). i feel like we shouldn’t reward them disrespecting our wishes by allowing them to actually attend our wedding. i also feel like it will cause a lot of strife in the family when (inevitably) everyone who wasn’t invited to this backyard wedding finds out that the aunt and uncle were allowed to come. my fiancé and i are on the same page about our dilemma. we don’t want them to be here at our wedding, but we also don’t want to be assholes who turn them away if they do show up (it’s a 5 hour drive from where they live to where we are, though they do have an rv they’ll bring). my fiancé’s aunt is very sensitive and will take it extremely personally if we tell them not to show up or turn them away, so we’re going to be the assholes in her eyes no matter what. but objectively speaking, would we be the assholes if we turn away guests that we actually want to have at our backyard wedding only because it’s unfair to other guests who weren’t invited and because we don’t want to reward them overstepping their boundaries? [/INST] nta. its not that you dont want them there or don't like them, but there's a pandemic going on right now. them straight up disregarding that and your wishes by saying they will crash your wedding is majorly disrespectful and makes them ta. they'll just have to understand, but be insistent on what you want. it's your wedding, if they like you enough back theyll respect that. </s>
AITA for not giving a significant gift for my brother who eloped but one for my cousin whose wedding I couldn't attend?	i am 34m and i have 3 siblings. all of us are now married however my youngest sibling opted to elope with my now sil a few months ago. we were all kind of surprised and disappointed that there would be no wedding but my wife and i hosted a congratulatory dinner in our backyard over the christmas period. when they announced their elopement in a whatsapp chat, we all congratulated them and my wife and i had flowers and a box of chocolates sent to them as a gift. i think my siblings also sent them a small token like flowers as well. but to be fair, i feel a little bit distant from their marriage in the sense that they were already living together and since there was no wedding as such, things are pretty business as usual- nothing logistically changed because my sil has been coming to family events and stuff since forever. my cousin had a wedding a few weeks ago and my wife and i were invited by couldn't make it so i mailed a check to them with a congratulations and on the day, my cousin sent me a livestream link so we watched the recording and even messaged me on the day to say she wished i was here but would celebrate another time with us. but recently my brother and sil expressed to my wife and i over brunch that they were hurt that there wasn't a larger celebration or happiness that they were married and i kind of thoughtlessly blurted out "a larger celebration- like a wedding?". my sil got irritated at that because weddings are expensive and they were saving for a bigger house so they could start a family. my wife jumped in and said that, that totally made sense but weddings are more tangible celebrations and by eloping they had basically sent a message they didn't want anyone other than the two of them involved in their marriage. i kind of then stuck my foot in a little by asking them what they were expecting post elopement outside of a congratulations and i pointed out we did send them flowers but my brother pointed out that everyone else had gotten a cash gift or something. i countered by saying that we had also had weddings and incurred the cost of hosting people- that there's a give and take there. my brother just responded with "whatever" so we dropped the subject but the rest of the brunch was a little tense and things have been tense with other siblings as well because we didn't give huge cash gifts. the way i see it is- they've saved money by eloping and in the process also opted to exclude family from this milestone. so i'm not sure there is an onus there to send a huge gift the way you would for a wedding. i feel congratulation token like flowers is more appropriate. i understand from a very mercenary perspective wanting to bank the savings from eloping and also benefit from the cash but you can't be mercenary with family. if the marriage is only about the two of them, why do they then want gifts/cash from everyone else?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skvg8w/aita_for_not_giving_a_significant_gift_for_my/	2022-02-05 02:15:21	nta. i eloped. i had already accepted that meant i wasn't getting shit. i didn't wanna deal with my in-laws. edit. you also hosted a party	nta. i feel like there is an unspoken rule to weddings. 1. if you are invited, and attend, its a mandatory gift 2. if you are invited but can't attend, a gift is the polite thing to do, but not mandatory 3. if you aren't invited, gift is not mandatory. i imagine their are a lot of people who don't send wedding gifts when they hear about someone getting married. though you are family, it sounds like you guys have already done your part (the party you hosted) if they wanted a bunch of cash gifts, they could have just hosted a small bbq reception or a dinner for family.	nta. they are super rude for expecting gifts, especially cash gifts. you aren’t entitled to other people funding your “bigger house.” i agree with you that by eloping they sent a message that the wedding isn’t a big deal or a “community event” if that makes sense. basically i’m totally on your side here.	nta. i also eloped. did not expect, not did we receive, gifts.	nta, but let me clarify a few things: your brother and his wife did in fact, have a wedding, they just didn't invite any guests. their level of hosting (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with what gifts people choose to give them. gifts come from the heart. they aren't the price of admission to a wedding. second, your brother and his wife were out of line for demanding more of a gift out of you. that was crass, and if they can't afford things, that isn't anyone's problem but their own. third, it's generally a good idea to be equitable with gifts among family, especially if you think word may get out. that said, you already hosted a party for them, which is more than enough.	nta why are they comparing and keeping track? you threw them a little party! when people send wedding invites that’s when people usually send gifts, and there might be a registry and lots of time to pick something. they just got married out of nowhere so you did more than enough in my book.	nta - your brother and sil are simply jealous	nta. first, you hosted a dinner for them to celebrate, which i assume was not free. also, you’re right about eloping. there’s a trade-off, you save the stress and expense of a wedding, but you also include less people, which means you will likely receive less gifts/fanfare.	nta he eloped so no one went to the wedding, or even got a invite, so no wedding gifts at all, that's one of the things about eloping.	nta. 1. they eloped. they didn't invite/ host you for a wedding. 2. you hosted a congratulatory event for them. that's nice of you, and i would consider that a gift. 3. they have no right to demand any gifts. 4. you can give whoever whatever you want. it's based on your relationship with the couple.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 34m and i have 3 siblings. all of us are now married however my youngest sibling opted to elope with my now sil a few months ago. we were all kind of surprised and disappointed that there would be no wedding but my wife and i hosted a congratulatory dinner in our backyard over the christmas period. when they announced their elopement in a whatsapp chat, we all congratulated them and my wife and i had flowers and a box of chocolates sent to them as a gift. i think my siblings also sent them a small token like flowers as well. but to be fair, i feel a little bit distant from their marriage in the sense that they were already living together and since there was no wedding as such, things are pretty business as usual- nothing logistically changed because my sil has been coming to family events and stuff since forever. my cousin had a wedding a few weeks ago and my wife and i were invited by couldn't make it so i mailed a check to them with a congratulations and on the day, my cousin sent me a livestream link so we watched the recording and even messaged me on the day to say she wished i was here but would celebrate another time with us. but recently my brother and sil expressed to my wife and i over brunch that they were hurt that there wasn't a larger celebration or happiness that they were married and i kind of thoughtlessly blurted out "a larger celebration- like a wedding?". my sil got irritated at that because weddings are expensive and they were saving for a bigger house so they could start a family. my wife jumped in and said that, that totally made sense but weddings are more tangible celebrations and by eloping they had basically sent a message they didn't want anyone other than the two of them involved in their marriage. i kind of then stuck my foot in a little by asking them what they were expecting post elopement outside of a congratulations and i pointed out we did send them flowers but my brother pointed out that everyone else had gotten a cash gift or something. i countered by saying that we had also had weddings and incurred the cost of hosting people- that there's a give and take there. my brother just responded with "whatever" so we dropped the subject but the rest of the brunch was a little tense and things have been tense with other siblings as well because we didn't give huge cash gifts. the way i see it is- they've saved money by eloping and in the process also opted to exclude family from this milestone. so i'm not sure there is an onus there to send a huge gift the way you would for a wedding. i feel congratulation token like flowers is more appropriate. i understand from a very mercenary perspective wanting to bank the savings from eloping and also benefit from the cash but you can't be mercenary with family. if the marriage is only about the two of them, why do they then want gifts/cash from everyone else?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am 34m and i have 3 siblings. all of us are now married however my youngest sibling opted to elope with my now sil a few months ago. we were all kind of surprised and disappointed that there would be no wedding but my wife and i hosted a congratulatory dinner in our backyard over the christmas period. when they announced their elopement in a whatsapp chat, we all congratulated them and my wife and i had flowers and a box of chocolates sent to them as a gift. i think my siblings also sent them a small token like flowers as well. but to be fair, i feel a little bit distant from their marriage in the sense that they were already living together and since there was no wedding as such, things are pretty business as usual- nothing logistically changed because my sil has been coming to family events and stuff since forever. my cousin had a wedding a few weeks ago and my wife and i were invited by couldn't make it so i mailed a check to them with a congratulations and on the day, my cousin sent me a livestream link so we watched the recording and even messaged me on the day to say she wished i was here but would celebrate another time with us. but recently my brother and sil expressed to my wife and i over brunch that they were hurt that there wasn't a larger celebration or happiness that they were married and i kind of thoughtlessly blurted out "a larger celebration- like a wedding?". my sil got irritated at that because weddings are expensive and they were saving for a bigger house so they could start a family. my wife jumped in and said that, that totally made sense but weddings are more tangible celebrations and by eloping they had basically sent a message they didn't want anyone other than the two of them involved in their marriage. i kind of then stuck my foot in a little by asking them what they were expecting post elopement outside of a congratulations and i pointed out we did send them flowers but my brother pointed out that everyone else had gotten a cash gift or something. i countered by saying that we had also had weddings and incurred the cost of hosting people- that there's a give and take there. my brother just responded with "whatever" so we dropped the subject but the rest of the brunch was a little tense and things have been tense with other siblings as well because we didn't give huge cash gifts. the way i see it is- they've saved money by eloping and in the process also opted to exclude family from this milestone. so i'm not sure there is an onus there to send a huge gift the way you would for a wedding. i feel congratulation token like flowers is more appropriate. i understand from a very mercenary perspective wanting to bank the savings from eloping and also benefit from the cash but you can't be mercenary with family. if the marriage is only about the two of them, why do they then want gifts/cash from everyone else? [/INST] nta. i eloped. i had already accepted that meant i wasn't getting shit. i didn't wanna deal with my in-laws. edit. you also hosted a party </s>
AITA for "Forcing my Gayness" on a guy from college?	i just recently started college, and my class was assigned a project that we had to do in pairs, i still haven't really made any close friends there so before i knew it almost everyone there was already paired up, i looked around for a while and one of the only people left unpaired was this one guy, let's call him gabe, i haven't really talked much with him other than the occasional small talk here and there, and honestly i'd like to keep it that way, he just really dosen't seem like someone i'd be friends with, plus everytime i even tried to have a normal conversation he'd always tried to steer it towards something sexual about girls in our class "oh man, jessica has just the nicest ass, dosen't she?" that kinda stuff, but oh well, if he's the only one left, what am i gonna do? so we pair up and eventually schedule to meet up at my house on the weekend to get started on our project, however i had also scheduled for my boyfriend to come to my house on the same day, his computer recently broke so he's using my spare laptop for college stuff while it gets repaired. so saturday rolls around and gabe shows up at my place first, and as we start working on our project i mention that my boyfriend's coming over soon, and he kind of laughs as he says "ok sure" which i now realize meant he probably thought i was making some sort of joke, gabe dosen't really know about my relationship or me being bi as the subject never really came up in the few conversations we've had, anyway eventually my boyfriend arrives and as soon as we walk back into my room gabe seems weirded out, we weren't really holding hands per se, just kind of had our fingers interlaced, anyway, some time passes and obviously we're not talking much since me and gabe are working on our project and my boyfriend is doing his own thing on my laptop eventually my boyfriend gets up and asks if me or gabe want a glass of water, we both say yes, and as he comes back he hands gabe his first, then comes over to me and gives me the lightest kiss on the lips before handing me mine, he then immediatly gets back to work on my laptop, i look over to gabe and he's very clearly suprised/weirded out by this, but he sort of catches himself and goes back to work. regardless, we eventually finish our work for the day and gabe starts getting ready to leave,i could tell he was uncomfortable, he barely said anything and seemed like he was avoiding eye contact with me, as he steps out of the door he finally opens his mouth and starts going off about how "weird" of a thing i did to him by inviting him over as well as my boyfriend, and how he really dosen't appreciate me shoving the fact that i'm gay down his throat, and just the general "i'm not homophobic but..." kind of stuff that i'm sure most queer folks are tired of hearing, now he wasn't really yelling any of this, but he definetely raised his voice to a level he had never done with me before, he then just kind of stomps off angrily.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ezfflc/aita_for_forcing_my_gayness_on_a_guy_from_college/	2020-02-05 20:02:58	nta, gabe is totally a homophobe. in an alternate reality where you were straight and you brought a girlfriend over, i bet he wouldn’t bat an eye.	you didn't "force your gayness" on your classmate; you are gay and are (presumably) not closeted about it. you had a normal, friendly, and chaste interaction with your boyfriend, sounds like it was maybe two minutes of time you and boyfriend interacted the whole of gabe's visit. the problem lies only with gabe's latent homophobia, not you or your boyfriend. if you were in a hetero relationship and the two of you had the same interactions in front of gabe, i'll bet he wouldn't bat an eye. 8n the same vein, this is probably one of several reasons you picked up on that lead to the conclusion that gabe is not really friend material. nta	nta. he constantly commented on women, so he was perfectly fine shoving his sexuality down your throat (i'm sorry but i could not pass up the opportunity to write that sentence!). if you are only ok with the theoretical concept of gay people and not with them behaving the way other couples do in public / near you, then yeah, you're not ok with gay people. sorry he was a jerk to you. <3	nta ask gabe how he would have reacted if your bf was a girl, but everything else remained exactly the same. he'll probably lie, something about overt pda, but truth is you did nothing wrong. i.e. gabe is either very sheltered or a homophobe.	nta, he is definitely homophobic. even if it comes from ignorance rather than hate, that's still homophobia. plus, he also says weird sexual stuff about random classmates so i wouldn't feel bad about judging him "too harshly" or anything.	just to add some aditional conext, i really want to give gabe the benefit of the doubt here, from what i know he's the youngest guy in our class and just generally seems fresh out of high school, so i figured maybe he just never really had that much exposure to lgbt people in his life? i've told some of my friends this story and they all seem to agree he's the asshole, so i'm wondering if maybe strangers will have a difference of opinion, also i apologize for any grammatical errors or typos in my post as english isn't my first language	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i just recently started college, and my class was assigned a project that we had to do in pairs, i still haven't really made any close friends there so before i knew it almost everyone there was already paired up, i looked around for a while and one of the only people left unpaired was this one guy, let's call him gabe, i haven't really talked much with him other than the occasional small talk here and there, and honestly i'd like to keep it that way, he just really dosen't seem like someone i'd be friends with, plus everytime i even tried to have a normal conversation he'd always tried to steer it towards something sexual about girls in our class "oh man, jessica has just the nicest ass, dosen't she?" that kinda stuff, but oh well, if he's the only one left, what am i gonna do? so we pair up and eventually schedule to meet up at my house on the weekend to get started on our project, however i had also scheduled for my boyfriend to come to my house on the same day, his computer recently broke so he's using my spare laptop for college stuff while it gets repaired. so saturday rolls around and gabe shows up at my place first, and as we start working on our project i mention that my boyfriend's coming over soon, and he kind of laughs as he says "ok sure" which i now realize meant he probably thought i was making some sort of joke, gabe dosen't really know about my relationship or me being bi as the subject never really came up in the few conversations we've had, anyway eventually my boyfriend arrives and as soon as we walk back into my room gabe seems weirded out, we weren't really holding hands per se, just kind of had our fingers interlaced, anyway, some time passes and obviously we're not talking much since me and gabe are working on our project and my boyfriend is doing his own thing on my laptop eventually my boyfriend gets up and asks if me or gabe want a glass of water, we both say yes, and as he comes back he hands gabe his first, then comes over to me and gives me the lightest kiss on the lips before handing me mine, he then immediatly gets back to work on my laptop, i look over to gabe and he's very clearly suprised/weirded out by this, but he sort of catches himself and goes back to work. regardless, we eventually finish our work for the day and gabe starts getting ready to leave,i could tell he was uncomfortable, he barely said anything and seemed like he was avoiding eye contact with me, as he steps out of the door he finally opens his mouth and starts going off about how "weird" of a thing i did to him by inviting him over as well as my boyfriend, and how he really dosen't appreciate me shoving the fact that i'm gay down his throat, and just the general "i'm not homophobic but..." kind of stuff that i'm sure most queer folks are tired of hearing, now he wasn't really yelling any of this, but he definetely raised his voice to a level he had never done with me before, he then just kind of stomps off angrily.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i just recently started college, and my class was assigned a project that we had to do in pairs, i still haven't really made any close friends there so before i knew it almost everyone there was already paired up, i looked around for a while and one of the only people left unpaired was this one guy, let's call him gabe, i haven't really talked much with him other than the occasional small talk here and there, and honestly i'd like to keep it that way, he just really dosen't seem like someone i'd be friends with, plus everytime i even tried to have a normal conversation he'd always tried to steer it towards something sexual about girls in our class "oh man, jessica has just the nicest ass, dosen't she?" that kinda stuff, but oh well, if he's the only one left, what am i gonna do? so we pair up and eventually schedule to meet up at my house on the weekend to get started on our project, however i had also scheduled for my boyfriend to come to my house on the same day, his computer recently broke so he's using my spare laptop for college stuff while it gets repaired. so saturday rolls around and gabe shows up at my place first, and as we start working on our project i mention that my boyfriend's coming over soon, and he kind of laughs as he says "ok sure" which i now realize meant he probably thought i was making some sort of joke, gabe dosen't really know about my relationship or me being bi as the subject never really came up in the few conversations we've had, anyway eventually my boyfriend arrives and as soon as we walk back into my room gabe seems weirded out, we weren't really holding hands per se, just kind of had our fingers interlaced, anyway, some time passes and obviously we're not talking much since me and gabe are working on our project and my boyfriend is doing his own thing on my laptop eventually my boyfriend gets up and asks if me or gabe want a glass of water, we both say yes, and as he comes back he hands gabe his first, then comes over to me and gives me the lightest kiss on the lips before handing me mine, he then immediatly gets back to work on my laptop, i look over to gabe and he's very clearly suprised/weirded out by this, but he sort of catches himself and goes back to work. regardless, we eventually finish our work for the day and gabe starts getting ready to leave,i could tell he was uncomfortable, he barely said anything and seemed like he was avoiding eye contact with me, as he steps out of the door he finally opens his mouth and starts going off about how "weird" of a thing i did to him by inviting him over as well as my boyfriend, and how he really dosen't appreciate me shoving the fact that i'm gay down his throat, and just the general "i'm not homophobic but..." kind of stuff that i'm sure most queer folks are tired of hearing, now he wasn't really yelling any of this, but he definetely raised his voice to a level he had never done with me before, he then just kind of stomps off angrily. [/INST] nta, gabe is totally a homophobe. in an alternate reality where you were straight and you brought a girlfriend over, i bet he wouldn’t bat an eye. </s>
AITA For Not Humoring My Dad.	hello reddit. normally i (27f) live alone in a different city, but my parents and younger brother have been staying with me for a week, as a form of vacation. but i am still working. yesterday i had a 12hours long day shift, but the day before we went hiking in a mountain park. so you can imagine how sore we all were. nevertheless i woke up at 7am, made sure to prepare the breakfast table before i went to work. but i didn't have the time to have breakfast or pack lunch. because work was so busy i ended up having only a small sandwich during the whole 12 hours and was looking foreward to coming home to dinner on the table. but then i get home at 8.30pm, to no one at home and the house a disaster, including the kitchen (full sink, dirty floor, sticky range... etc) then my dad calls and says that they will be back by 11pm amd they won't be having dinner outside, so i am expected to cook dinner too. i was upset, but i went straight from heels and slacks to shorts and slippers, did the dishes, cleaned the house, did the laundry, vacuumed and mopped, and then i cooked dinner. when they got home i was still busy with dinner, but my dad kept insisting that i should come check out the new stuff he bought. i said literally "not now dad, i am busy with dinner". he huffed but stopped insisting. once we had dinner it was already 15 minutes past midnight, i was beat and had to wake up early the next day. so i hurried to do the dishes and my skincare routine. he once again asked me to come see what he bought and i said "can you wait untill tomorrow? i am tired and i just want to go to bed" then he started acolding me, going about how disrespectful i was being, and that being a host means talking with your guest, not ignoring them. and here's where i might have been an ah, i replied "well if you were being respectdul guests, picking up your own messes and maybe taking into consideration that while you are on vacation i am still working and waiting on you, i might have the energy to be a better host" then i went into my room and to sleep. this morning he wasn't talking with me, just yes and no answeres, and he told my mother that they should leave earlier than they were planning since they were obviously not welcome. so reddit, aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oy4lua/aita_for_not_humoring_my_dad/	2021-08-04 23:01:05	nta but you need to find a better way to communicate with your family. you were angry because of their slovenly laziness. and justifiably so. but instead of saying "hey everyone, i'm way too tired to cook tonight, so you'll just have to figure out supper on your own, and order something", you took out your anger on your dad, acting mean about refusing to look at his stuff, but not telling him why you were so upset. in the future, try to be more direct, and you likely won't get so angry.	nta he's listening to his ego too much. on some level he knows he's wrong, but he's trying to emotionally blackmail you into apologizing so he doesn't have to deal with that. this leaves you with the options of apologizing and accepting their behavior to keep the peace, or telling them more calmly what your day was like and leave it to them to decide what to do. best of luck!	nta your dad is literally sulking about being called out on his bad behaviour.	nta but, you and everyone else on the sub create your own problems by letting people walk all over you. they were totally out of bounds for leaving the house trashed and then expecting you to come home from work clean up after them and have a home cooked meal ready when they got home. and you should’ve straight up told them that in plain language.	nta - geez, in what world does a guest say i expect dinner ready at 11pm when i return? absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful. if your dad wants dinner that late he can go get/cook it himself. i’m not staying up for them when i have work. i am curious what he bought that was so fascinating. the cynic in me hopes it was a cheesy snow globe or some other tourist garbage.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello reddit. normally i (27f) live alone in a different city, but my parents and younger brother have been staying with me for a week, as a form of vacation. but i am still working. yesterday i had a 12hours long day shift, but the day before we went hiking in a mountain park. so you can imagine how sore we all were. nevertheless i woke up at 7am, made sure to prepare the breakfast table before i went to work. but i didn't have the time to have breakfast or pack lunch. because work was so busy i ended up having only a small sandwich during the whole 12 hours and was looking foreward to coming home to dinner on the table. but then i get home at 8.30pm, to no one at home and the house a disaster, including the kitchen (full sink, dirty floor, sticky range... etc) then my dad calls and says that they will be back by 11pm amd they won't be having dinner outside, so i am expected to cook dinner too. i was upset, but i went straight from heels and slacks to shorts and slippers, did the dishes, cleaned the house, did the laundry, vacuumed and mopped, and then i cooked dinner. when they got home i was still busy with dinner, but my dad kept insisting that i should come check out the new stuff he bought. i said literally "not now dad, i am busy with dinner". he huffed but stopped insisting. once we had dinner it was already 15 minutes past midnight, i was beat and had to wake up early the next day. so i hurried to do the dishes and my skincare routine. he once again asked me to come see what he bought and i said "can you wait untill tomorrow? i am tired and i just want to go to bed" then he started acolding me, going about how disrespectful i was being, and that being a host means talking with your guest, not ignoring them. and here's where i might have been an ah, i replied "well if you were being respectdul guests, picking up your own messes and maybe taking into consideration that while you are on vacation i am still working and waiting on you, i might have the energy to be a better host" then i went into my room and to sleep. this morning he wasn't talking with me, just yes and no answeres, and he told my mother that they should leave earlier than they were planning since they were obviously not welcome. so reddit, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hello reddit. normally i (27f) live alone in a different city, but my parents and younger brother have been staying with me for a week, as a form of vacation. but i am still working. yesterday i had a 12hours long day shift, but the day before we went hiking in a mountain park. so you can imagine how sore we all were. nevertheless i woke up at 7am, made sure to prepare the breakfast table before i went to work. but i didn't have the time to have breakfast or pack lunch. because work was so busy i ended up having only a small sandwich during the whole 12 hours and was looking foreward to coming home to dinner on the table. but then i get home at 8.30pm, to no one at home and the house a disaster, including the kitchen (full sink, dirty floor, sticky range... etc) then my dad calls and says that they will be back by 11pm amd they won't be having dinner outside, so i am expected to cook dinner too. i was upset, but i went straight from heels and slacks to shorts and slippers, did the dishes, cleaned the house, did the laundry, vacuumed and mopped, and then i cooked dinner. when they got home i was still busy with dinner, but my dad kept insisting that i should come check out the new stuff he bought. i said literally "not now dad, i am busy with dinner". he huffed but stopped insisting. once we had dinner it was already 15 minutes past midnight, i was beat and had to wake up early the next day. so i hurried to do the dishes and my skincare routine. he once again asked me to come see what he bought and i said "can you wait untill tomorrow? i am tired and i just want to go to bed" then he started acolding me, going about how disrespectful i was being, and that being a host means talking with your guest, not ignoring them. and here's where i might have been an ah, i replied "well if you were being respectdul guests, picking up your own messes and maybe taking into consideration that while you are on vacation i am still working and waiting on you, i might have the energy to be a better host" then i went into my room and to sleep. this morning he wasn't talking with me, just yes and no answeres, and he told my mother that they should leave earlier than they were planning since they were obviously not welcome. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta but you need to find a better way to communicate with your family. you were angry because of their slovenly laziness. and justifiably so. but instead of saying "hey everyone, i'm way too tired to cook tonight, so you'll just have to figure out supper on your own, and order something", you took out your anger on your dad, acting mean about refusing to look at his stuff, but not telling him why you were so upset. in the future, try to be more direct, and you likely won't get so angry. </s>
AITA for not covering for my friend when she cheats on her bf?	my (20f) friend (21f) and i have been friends all our lives. over the years she constantly had one boyfriend after another and doesn't understand that there is life outside of guys. her boyfriend (let's call him mike) was our highschool friend who moved to a different country right after graduation, which was okay for her because they both agreed to continue the relationship. they've been in a ldr for 2years now. but ever since she went to college, she befriended another guy (let's call him will). she keeps telling me that will is very nice to her and she feels attraction towards him. i keep asking her about mike because even if it's just ldr, they're still a couple and anything she does with will would be cheating. she told me nothing would happen but now mike sees her getting involved with will, causing them to argue. she always sides up with will. she always lies that every time she's going out to hangouts with him, i am also present there. sometimes i don't even know about the lies she makes up about me to mike. mike is a good guy. he cares alot about her and loves her enough to try and make the relationship work, even if she's a bitch to him most times. so when he texts me and asks me if i'm with her, i feel terrible for not responding to him because i can't lie about being with my friend and her "friendly hangouts with will". recently her and i got in a huge fight where i told her to let mike go, because if it's will that she wants, why she's tagging mike along? her answer was "because he's safe". it pissed me off and i told her that will would just fuck her and leave her, because that's the vibe i get from him. she yelled at me alot, reminded me all those times where she helped me with my breakups and how she helped me come out to my friends. basically she reminded me all the things she's ever done for me and i couldn't do this "one simple thing" for her. i told her it's against my morals and no matter what she's done for me, i will never lie to someone which would break their heart. i told her she's an awful person for doing this to mike (someone she claims to love) and told her i'd never support her in this. if she wants to cheat on him, she can do it by herself and keep me out of it. i even told mike that i don't hang out with her often as much as she tells him. my friend and i stopped talking for a while after that fight and when we started speaking again, she practically demanded an apology. i told her i'd never apologize for sticking to my beliefs and she's still a bitch for cheating on mike. (she told me her and will shared kisses, i'm sure there's more but she's not telling me). she keeps telling me i'm an asshole and a sorry wouldn't hurt me. but i can't bring myself to apologise to her for this. i am not sorry, i have nothing to say sorry for. so aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vpguag/aita_for_not_covering_for_my_friend_when_she/	2022-07-02 01:58:08	nta. she's a hot mess. disengage and live your own life.	nta. your friend isn’t being fair to mike. you’re right when you said to let him go. it’s not fair to him. and it’s certainly not fair of her to ask you, who is also his friend, to lie to him.	yta for not telling mike	nta for not lying for her. slight yta for lying to him. i think you should absolutely tell him the truth and free the poor guy.	nta. she deserved being discovered. and why should you apologize for? for not helping her on her lie? she's so childish.	nta. you've got a conscience, which is more than can be said for your friend. keep your integrity and principles, increasingly rare attributes these days.	nta “reminded me all those time where she helped me with my breakups” yeah breakups not staying with the same person whilst having a romantic relationship with another stringing the first person along. tell her yeah you helped me with my breakups but you’re not breaking up with mike, you’re refusing to break up with him whilst getting close with will. i think you’re friend was conked on the head as a kid if she thinks breakups means still staying with the first guy whilst getting close to the second guy and stringing the first guy along. tell her you can’t be friends with her if she continues doing this to mike, tell mike to dump his gf as she’s just stringing him along, he deserves better.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.057131	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (20f) friend (21f) and i have been friends all our lives. over the years she constantly had one boyfriend after another and doesn't understand that there is life outside of guys. her boyfriend (let's call him mike) was our highschool friend who moved to a different country right after graduation, which was okay for her because they both agreed to continue the relationship. they've been in a ldr for 2years now. but ever since she went to college, she befriended another guy (let's call him will). she keeps telling me that will is very nice to her and she feels attraction towards him. i keep asking her about mike because even if it's just ldr, they're still a couple and anything she does with will would be cheating. she told me nothing would happen but now mike sees her getting involved with will, causing them to argue. she always sides up with will. she always lies that every time she's going out to hangouts with him, i am also present there. sometimes i don't even know about the lies she makes up about me to mike. mike is a good guy. he cares alot about her and loves her enough to try and make the relationship work, even if she's a bitch to him most times. so when he texts me and asks me if i'm with her, i feel terrible for not responding to him because i can't lie about being with my friend and her "friendly hangouts with will". recently her and i got in a huge fight where i told her to let mike go, because if it's will that she wants, why she's tagging mike along? her answer was "because he's safe". it pissed me off and i told her that will would just fuck her and leave her, because that's the vibe i get from him. she yelled at me alot, reminded me all those times where she helped me with my breakups and how she helped me come out to my friends. basically she reminded me all the things she's ever done for me and i couldn't do this "one simple thing" for her. i told her it's against my morals and no matter what she's done for me, i will never lie to someone which would break their heart. i told her she's an awful person for doing this to mike (someone she claims to love) and told her i'd never support her in this. if she wants to cheat on him, she can do it by herself and keep me out of it. i even told mike that i don't hang out with her often as much as she tells him. my friend and i stopped talking for a while after that fight and when we started speaking again, she practically demanded an apology. i told her i'd never apologize for sticking to my beliefs and she's still a bitch for cheating on mike. (she told me her and will shared kisses, i'm sure there's more but she's not telling me). she keeps telling me i'm an asshole and a sorry wouldn't hurt me. but i can't bring myself to apologise to her for this. i am not sorry, i have nothing to say sorry for. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (20f) friend (21f) and i have been friends all our lives. over the years she constantly had one boyfriend after another and doesn't understand that there is life outside of guys. her boyfriend (let's call him mike) was our highschool friend who moved to a different country right after graduation, which was okay for her because they both agreed to continue the relationship. they've been in a ldr for 2years now. but ever since she went to college, she befriended another guy (let's call him will). she keeps telling me that will is very nice to her and she feels attraction towards him. i keep asking her about mike because even if it's just ldr, they're still a couple and anything she does with will would be cheating. she told me nothing would happen but now mike sees her getting involved with will, causing them to argue. she always sides up with will. she always lies that every time she's going out to hangouts with him, i am also present there. sometimes i don't even know about the lies she makes up about me to mike. mike is a good guy. he cares alot about her and loves her enough to try and make the relationship work, even if she's a bitch to him most times. so when he texts me and asks me if i'm with her, i feel terrible for not responding to him because i can't lie about being with my friend and her "friendly hangouts with will". recently her and i got in a huge fight where i told her to let mike go, because if it's will that she wants, why she's tagging mike along? her answer was "because he's safe". it pissed me off and i told her that will would just fuck her and leave her, because that's the vibe i get from him. she yelled at me alot, reminded me all those times where she helped me with my breakups and how she helped me come out to my friends. basically she reminded me all the things she's ever done for me and i couldn't do this "one simple thing" for her. i told her it's against my morals and no matter what she's done for me, i will never lie to someone which would break their heart. i told her she's an awful person for doing this to mike (someone she claims to love) and told her i'd never support her in this. if she wants to cheat on him, she can do it by herself and keep me out of it. i even told mike that i don't hang out with her often as much as she tells him. my friend and i stopped talking for a while after that fight and when we started speaking again, she practically demanded an apology. i told her i'd never apologize for sticking to my beliefs and she's still a bitch for cheating on mike. (she told me her and will shared kisses, i'm sure there's more but she's not telling me). she keeps telling me i'm an asshole and a sorry wouldn't hurt me. but i can't bring myself to apologise to her for this. i am not sorry, i have nothing to say sorry for. so aita? [/INST] nta. she's a hot mess. disengage and live your own life. </s>
AITA for lying to my boyfriend and telling him I was going to stay with my parents for a week because my dad was sick, just so I could have a week away from him?	my boyfriend and i recently moved in together. we’ve been dating for just over a year and a half. before we lived together our relationship was great imo, he works long hours some times and is off for days at a time. so sometimes i would see him everyday and other times i would see him like once a week. i noticed that when he worked long hours and i saw him only once a week he was kind of obnoxious and irritating. like he was stressed and tired and expressed that in a unique way. aka he was a dick. but when he had time to relax he was awesome. anyway we moved in together and i started getting irritated at him because of the way he talked to me and and about others. he’d come home from work late at night and would drink almost a whole 12 pack of beer in less than an hour and be kind of rude. he would tell me dinner sucked or that i needed to hurry up and wash clothes because he was sick of seeing it piled up. i have a job too and it stresses me out when he comes home and is like that with me. it’s gotten to the point where i lie about being sleepy just so he won’t talk to me. or on his days off i’ll make up an excuse to just not be around him. so i had reached my end and i told him i was going to take a week off from work and stay with my parents because my dad was feeling sick. i just wanted a week where i didn’t have to hear him talk or see him. am i an asshole for this?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dfougc/aita_for_lying_to_my_boyfriend_and_telling_him_i/	2019-10-09 22:48:50	yta simply because you lied and that is the correct answer to the question you asked. i'm not happy saying that, because there are so many more underlying red flags to this relationship that scream that you need to seriously reconsider living with this toxic person and their toxic habits. i don't know your relationship or the details, but reading this post i am positively rooting for you to get the fuck out of there, right now. abusive relationships are hard to quit unless you do it right away. and even then, they're still hard to leave.	yta to yourself. that ain’t no way to live your life.	[deleted]	esh. he sucks for the attitude he's taking, you suck for the way of "dealing" with things. you need to communicate, tell him the things how they are, sit down and be adults for 30 minutes. if you two can't work it out, then you have no reason to be living or being together. just talk and don't be immature about it trying to "hide" or "run away" if the situation is going to be exactly the same when you come back.	nta - but you might consider making that week permanent...it doesn't sound like you're ready to live with a partner, let alone be with this specific one......he sounds horrible. you think its normal for him to drink and then criticize dinner? or your laundry not being done? thats not normal and its not okay....	nta. your boyfriend sucks. dump his ass. move out. he doesn't respect you. fuck 'im.	yta because you think taking the week off is going to improve things or change things. communication is the only way to do that.	nta but i think you two probably need to end things. your relationship sounds incredibly unhealthy.	esh. however, it sounds like you need to cut your losses with this guy and move on before his hostility and verbal abuse progresses into something worse.	nta. dude, this should be a wakeup call. your relationship is really unhealthy, and it's not because you're fucking up, it's because he is. you gotta get outta there girl.	YTA	YTA	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	0.912871	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i recently moved in together. we’ve been dating for just over a year and a half. before we lived together our relationship was great imo, he works long hours some times and is off for days at a time. so sometimes i would see him everyday and other times i would see him like once a week. i noticed that when he worked long hours and i saw him only once a week he was kind of obnoxious and irritating. like he was stressed and tired and expressed that in a unique way. aka he was a dick. but when he had time to relax he was awesome. anyway we moved in together and i started getting irritated at him because of the way he talked to me and and about others. he’d come home from work late at night and would drink almost a whole 12 pack of beer in less than an hour and be kind of rude. he would tell me dinner sucked or that i needed to hurry up and wash clothes because he was sick of seeing it piled up. i have a job too and it stresses me out when he comes home and is like that with me. it’s gotten to the point where i lie about being sleepy just so he won’t talk to me. or on his days off i’ll make up an excuse to just not be around him. so i had reached my end and i told him i was going to take a week off from work and stay with my parents because my dad was feeling sick. i just wanted a week where i didn’t have to hear him talk or see him. am i an asshole for this?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend and i recently moved in together. we’ve been dating for just over a year and a half. before we lived together our relationship was great imo, he works long hours some times and is off for days at a time. so sometimes i would see him everyday and other times i would see him like once a week. i noticed that when he worked long hours and i saw him only once a week he was kind of obnoxious and irritating. like he was stressed and tired and expressed that in a unique way. aka he was a dick. but when he had time to relax he was awesome. anyway we moved in together and i started getting irritated at him because of the way he talked to me and and about others. he’d come home from work late at night and would drink almost a whole 12 pack of beer in less than an hour and be kind of rude. he would tell me dinner sucked or that i needed to hurry up and wash clothes because he was sick of seeing it piled up. i have a job too and it stresses me out when he comes home and is like that with me. it’s gotten to the point where i lie about being sleepy just so he won’t talk to me. or on his days off i’ll make up an excuse to just not be around him. so i had reached my end and i told him i was going to take a week off from work and stay with my parents because my dad was feeling sick. i just wanted a week where i didn’t have to hear him talk or see him. am i an asshole for this? [/INST] yta simply because you lied and that is the correct answer to the question you asked. i'm not happy saying that, because there are so many more underlying red flags to this relationship that scream that you need to seriously reconsider living with this toxic person and their toxic habits. i don't know your relationship or the details, but reading this post i am positively rooting for you to get the fuck out of there, right now. abusive relationships are hard to quit unless you do it right away. and even then, they're still hard to leave. </s>
AITA: For calling my freshly post partum cousin in law a B?	a little background my husband and i have had 2 previous miscarriages before we had a rainbow baby last year. one of those pregnancies was a twin pregnancy. i have a son from my previous marriage who also was a twin, but his twin was lost early in the pregnancy as well. i’ve gone to a fertility specialist and i’ve learned that i sometimes hyper ovulate. fraternal twins run on both sides of my family. so on to the dilema. my cousin in law gave birth early this month. we were texting back and forth, everything was innocent. she asked me how my pregnancy is going. i told her the truth which was that one of my twins sadly has no heart beat, we had found out a couple of days before she went into labor and we were clearly devastated and didn’t want to say anything right away. my cousin in law proceeded to text me that maybe i just wasn’t made to have twins and sent lol with the laughing emoji. and that maybe my husband and i should stop having kids. i saw red and told her she was a huge b and that the amount of kids my husband and i decide to have is none of her effin business. i am a sahm, my husband makes good money for us to be able to afford our kids. she told her husband, and he called my husband and told him that i was way out of line for calling his wife a b when she just gave birth. they expect an apology out of me but i am refusing. my husband is backing me up. i am wondering if i let my emotions get the best of me and should’ve just stopped responding to her, since she is freshly post partum. aita for calling her a b for her comment while she’s freshly post partum?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vz8pao/aita_for_calling_my_freshly_post_partum_cousin_in/	2022-07-14 22:46:11	nta. miscarriages aren't joking matters, they're tragedies. you don't gloss over the loss of a baby with an insensitive comment like that.	nta you just told her that one of your twins had no heartbeat and she lol’d and sent a laugh emoji. i don’t give a fresh flying monkey shit that she’s freshly post partum, there’s zero excuse for what she said.	nta. freshly post partum or not, you do not say 'maybe you aren't meant to have (enter kids)' or 'just stop having kids' to anyone. cousin needs to apologize to you for making light of the fact that you lost a pregnancy. that was completely inappropriate of her.	nta you could be 2000 years old and it's still to soon, i wouldn't even say that to a father who has a morbid sense of humor. it's just not cool. also did you notice that she can joke about your pain while you're actively in it, and hurting by it, because you're currently actively pregnant.... but you (a pregnant woman) can't call her a b because she gave just gave birth.... isn't that a contradiction? we gotta learn to stop protecting people at any cost just because, and ah is still and ah, and she clearly o er stepped her bounds.	nta they used a what emoji? wtf? what is she 8 years old? or am i insulting 8 year olds now? don't engage with people like this - she is not a good person to have in your life. the number of children you have is between you and your husband - your only ethical concern is that you can afford to give them what they need, and only you can know that.	nta - you lost a child.	nta - i am fully understanding of ppd, but that was an asshole thing to say from her. completely out of line and i am super glad that your husband is backing you up. with the two of you being a unified front, anyone else can go pound sand.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little background my husband and i have had 2 previous miscarriages before we had a rainbow baby last year. one of those pregnancies was a twin pregnancy. i have a son from my previous marriage who also was a twin, but his twin was lost early in the pregnancy as well. i’ve gone to a fertility specialist and i’ve learned that i sometimes hyper ovulate. fraternal twins run on both sides of my family. so on to the dilema. my cousin in law gave birth early this month. we were texting back and forth, everything was innocent. she asked me how my pregnancy is going. i told her the truth which was that one of my twins sadly has no heart beat, we had found out a couple of days before she went into labor and we were clearly devastated and didn’t want to say anything right away. my cousin in law proceeded to text me that maybe i just wasn’t made to have twins and sent lol with the laughing emoji. and that maybe my husband and i should stop having kids. i saw red and told her she was a huge b and that the amount of kids my husband and i decide to have is none of her effin business. i am a sahm, my husband makes good money for us to be able to afford our kids. she told her husband, and he called my husband and told him that i was way out of line for calling his wife a b when she just gave birth. they expect an apology out of me but i am refusing. my husband is backing me up. i am wondering if i let my emotions get the best of me and should’ve just stopped responding to her, since she is freshly post partum. aita for calling her a b for her comment while she’s freshly post partum?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> a little background my husband and i have had 2 previous miscarriages before we had a rainbow baby last year. one of those pregnancies was a twin pregnancy. i have a son from my previous marriage who also was a twin, but his twin was lost early in the pregnancy as well. i’ve gone to a fertility specialist and i’ve learned that i sometimes hyper ovulate. fraternal twins run on both sides of my family. so on to the dilema. my cousin in law gave birth early this month. we were texting back and forth, everything was innocent. she asked me how my pregnancy is going. i told her the truth which was that one of my twins sadly has no heart beat, we had found out a couple of days before she went into labor and we were clearly devastated and didn’t want to say anything right away. my cousin in law proceeded to text me that maybe i just wasn’t made to have twins and sent lol with the laughing emoji. and that maybe my husband and i should stop having kids. i saw red and told her she was a huge b and that the amount of kids my husband and i decide to have is none of her effin business. i am a sahm, my husband makes good money for us to be able to afford our kids. she told her husband, and he called my husband and told him that i was way out of line for calling his wife a b when she just gave birth. they expect an apology out of me but i am refusing. my husband is backing me up. i am wondering if i let my emotions get the best of me and should’ve just stopped responding to her, since she is freshly post partum. aita for calling her a b for her comment while she’s freshly post partum? [/INST] nta. miscarriages aren't joking matters, they're tragedies. you don't gloss over the loss of a baby with an insensitive comment like that. </s>
AITA for making my cousin cry for animal crossing?	since the release of animal crossing new horizon i've been playing like mad on the switch of my brother. i've bought the non card version on the release date on the switch of my brother. i especially made an nintendo account for this. so, my cousin (6) wanted to play animal crossing while i was playing it. i told him no, because of the second character thing where you create a new house with it and can destroy the first player island. (and i've already invested over 500hours into this game) he was bummed about it but told me about how his parents bought him a switch and how he will get the game. --- one day he smugly told me he played animal crossing on the switch, i just shrugged because i thought he meant that he played it on his own switch. --- my brother told me how he wanted to sell his switch, so i've suggested that he sells it to me, what he actually did ( i've got 6 games or so with it, but i only play ac) i haven't been playing this game lately, so i opened ac and suddenly saw how everything was almost gone, fences, logs, flowers, everything was gone or replaced. i was about to write my friends about how the update destroyed my world, but then i remembered, how my cousin told me that he played this game. --- today i was already annoyed because of work, and when i got home i saw that kid in the living room. so i talked about it with him, and he ran away grinning, so i went into my room got some "kinder-chocolate bonbons" and went into the living room, giving his sister one and saying loudly "hmm how delicious, i wish *** could taste this, oh my but he can't! because he destroyed my island and was a bad child" he began to toss around and get mad, and began to loudly cry, saying how he doesn't want any and so on. so now i'm questioning myself, aita for making him cry for my game? my mother was screaming at me for making him cry, and banned me off into my room. am i really the asshole here?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kaib6c/aita_for_making_my_cousin_cry_for_animal_crossing/	2020-12-10 16:23:18	nta a 6yo took your switch after you already said no and destroyed your 500 hours of progress. i don't care if other people are shitting on you for making him cry. he should learn not to touch other people's things. kids younger than him can take no for an answer. your mom's an enabling jerk, too.	nta. it is just a game. no it's not. a kid did something he is not supposed to do, and saw the consenquences. he did not beat the little guy, he just didn't give him a candy. kids should not be raised with entitlement.	nta anyone who’s saying it’s just a game can shove it. that’s 500 hours of hard work down the drain because at age 6 that kid still doesn’t know what “no” means and has no regrets of his actions. (way to go, mom and dad; you’re failures as parents) i have over 900 on my island. if someone did something to it the end result would be much less tame then making a brat cry.	nta, your cousin knows what he was doing.	nta - i would have made the kid cry hard, good job. he's a brat. good job.	esh. you're kinda young, but everyone in this story is old enough to know better. what he did was wrong, and his parents should have discipled him, including a stern lecture on not disrespecting other people's stuff. your cousin shouldn't have used your switch or played your game without permission, and at 6, he should understand this. you should have said "since you ruined my island, you're no longer allowed to use my stuff" and made sure to keep your things out of his reach from now on so it won't happen again and he understands this is a direct result of his actions. instead you decided to ...taunt him with candy. i'd say n-t-a if you were 8. it sucks that your island, which you put so much time and energy into, was destroyed, but you, an adult, chose to be petty to a /child/. i hate the phrase "be the bigger person", but in this case, you should really know better	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	ESH	null	null	null	null	0.034939	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: since the release of animal crossing new horizon i've been playing like mad on the switch of my brother. i've bought the non card version on the release date on the switch of my brother. i especially made an nintendo account for this. so, my cousin (6) wanted to play animal crossing while i was playing it. i told him no, because of the second character thing where you create a new house with it and can destroy the first player island. (and i've already invested over 500hours into this game) he was bummed about it but told me about how his parents bought him a switch and how he will get the game. --- one day he smugly told me he played animal crossing on the switch, i just shrugged because i thought he meant that he played it on his own switch. --- my brother told me how he wanted to sell his switch, so i've suggested that he sells it to me, what he actually did ( i've got 6 games or so with it, but i only play ac) i haven't been playing this game lately, so i opened ac and suddenly saw how everything was almost gone, fences, logs, flowers, everything was gone or replaced. i was about to write my friends about how the update destroyed my world, but then i remembered, how my cousin told me that he played this game. --- today i was already annoyed because of work, and when i got home i saw that kid in the living room. so i talked about it with him, and he ran away grinning, so i went into my room got some "kinder-chocolate bonbons" and went into the living room, giving his sister one and saying loudly "hmm how delicious, i wish * could taste this, oh my but he can't! because he destroyed my island and was a bad child" he began to toss around and get mad, and began to loudly cry, saying how he doesn't want any and so on. so now i'm questioning myself, aita for making him cry for my game? my mother was screaming at me for making him cry, and banned me off into my room. am i really the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> since the release of animal crossing new horizon i've been playing like mad on the switch of my brother. i've bought the non card version on the release date on the switch of my brother. i especially made an nintendo account for this. so, my cousin (6) wanted to play animal crossing while i was playing it. i told him no, because of the second character thing where you create a new house with it and can destroy the first player island. (and i've already invested over 500hours into this game) he was bummed about it but told me about how his parents bought him a switch and how he will get the game. --- one day he smugly told me he played animal crossing on the switch, i just shrugged because i thought he meant that he played it on his own switch. --- my brother told me how he wanted to sell his switch, so i've suggested that he sells it to me, what he actually did ( i've got 6 games or so with it, but i only play ac) i haven't been playing this game lately, so i opened ac and suddenly saw how everything was almost gone, fences, logs, flowers, everything was gone or replaced. i was about to write my friends about how the update destroyed my world, but then i remembered, how my cousin told me that he played this game. --- today i was already annoyed because of work, and when i got home i saw that kid in the living room. so i talked about it with him, and he ran away grinning, so i went into my room got some "kinder-chocolate bonbons" and went into the living room, giving his sister one and saying loudly "hmm how delicious, i wish * could taste this, oh my but he can't! because he destroyed my island and was a bad child" he began to toss around and get mad, and began to loudly cry, saying how he doesn't want any and so on. so now i'm questioning myself, aita for making him cry for my game? my mother was screaming at me for making him cry, and banned me off into my room. am i really the asshole here? [/INST] nta a 6yo took your switch after you already said no and destroyed your 500 hours of progress. i don't care if other people are shitting on you for making him cry. he should learn not to touch other people's things. kids younger than him can take no for an answer. your mom's an enabling jerk, too. </s>
AITA For not wanting my sisters kids around	using a throwaway for this one. a little background:my sister has lived within 15/20 minutes of my mom her entire life (i am 36 year old male and she is 33) but i have lived all over the us and other countries. about 6 years ago we moved closer to my parents (about 2 hours away) so they could enjoy their grandkids and we come down and stay every few months. my sister and i are not close in any capacity, we are very different people that clash and i consider her toxic so i have little to no contact with her outside of my parents. i have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter, she has a 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. every time i bring my kids down to stay a weekend (wife stays at home because we have pets and she could use the break) my sister swings by and drops her kids off and leaves expecting her kids to stay at my moms the entire time we are their so the "cousins can play". sleeping accommodations are limited so this forces me to have to sleep on the couch which is less than pleasant. the house gets extremely loud with the kids screaming etc. last time i was down, i told my mom that i don't come down to listen to all the kids screaming and would like to relax without having to parent all the kids etc. i am coming down this weekend and i asked my mom not to tell my sister we are coming so i could actually enjoy some time with my parents without her or her kids around. am i the ass hole? p.s. i take my kids to their cousins birthday parties etc so they can spend time (even though my sister does not reciprocate that and come to my kids parties). my issue is with the fact i have been back for over 6 years and i have yet to visit my parents without her or her kids being at the house. i feel like she refuses to allow us to have one on one time with my parents.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/chx0p0/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sisters_kids_around/	2019-07-26 02:21:26	nta it might be one thing if your sister stayed and helped to parent the kids. but it sounds like she is using you for free babysitting. you are entitled to a break.	nta nothing wrong with the kids enjoying cousin time, but you and your kids should be able to enjoy some one on one time with your parents too.	nta! you're not running a daycare. you should be allowed to enjoy your time with whoever you want.	nta you don't want your sister's toxicity to rub down on your kids. her kids are probably just as toxic as her. good on you	nta, your sister is using you as free child care when ever you come down. have you sat your parents down and calmly talked to them about it?	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: using a throwaway for this one. a little background:my sister has lived within 15/20 minutes of my mom her entire life (i am 36 year old male and she is 33) but i have lived all over the us and other countries. about 6 years ago we moved closer to my parents (about 2 hours away) so they could enjoy their grandkids and we come down and stay every few months. my sister and i are not close in any capacity, we are very different people that clash and i consider her toxic so i have little to no contact with her outside of my parents. i have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter, she has a 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. every time i bring my kids down to stay a weekend (wife stays at home because we have pets and she could use the break) my sister swings by and drops her kids off and leaves expecting her kids to stay at my moms the entire time we are their so the "cousins can play". sleeping accommodations are limited so this forces me to have to sleep on the couch which is less than pleasant. the house gets extremely loud with the kids screaming etc. last time i was down, i told my mom that i don't come down to listen to all the kids screaming and would like to relax without having to parent all the kids etc. i am coming down this weekend and i asked my mom not to tell my sister we are coming so i could actually enjoy some time with my parents without her or her kids around. am i the ass hole? p.s. i take my kids to their cousins birthday parties etc so they can spend time (even though my sister does not reciprocate that and come to my kids parties). my issue is with the fact i have been back for over 6 years and i have yet to visit my parents without her or her kids being at the house. i feel like she refuses to allow us to have one on one time with my parents.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> using a throwaway for this one. a little background:my sister has lived within 15/20 minutes of my mom her entire life (i am 36 year old male and she is 33) but i have lived all over the us and other countries. about 6 years ago we moved closer to my parents (about 2 hours away) so they could enjoy their grandkids and we come down and stay every few months. my sister and i are not close in any capacity, we are very different people that clash and i consider her toxic so i have little to no contact with her outside of my parents. i have a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter, she has a 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. every time i bring my kids down to stay a weekend (wife stays at home because we have pets and she could use the break) my sister swings by and drops her kids off and leaves expecting her kids to stay at my moms the entire time we are their so the "cousins can play". sleeping accommodations are limited so this forces me to have to sleep on the couch which is less than pleasant. the house gets extremely loud with the kids screaming etc. last time i was down, i told my mom that i don't come down to listen to all the kids screaming and would like to relax without having to parent all the kids etc. i am coming down this weekend and i asked my mom not to tell my sister we are coming so i could actually enjoy some time with my parents without her or her kids around. am i the ass hole? p.s. i take my kids to their cousins birthday parties etc so they can spend time (even though my sister does not reciprocate that and come to my kids parties). my issue is with the fact i have been back for over 6 years and i have yet to visit my parents without her or her kids being at the house. i feel like she refuses to allow us to have one on one time with my parents. [/INST] nta it might be one thing if your sister stayed and helped to parent the kids. but it sounds like she is using you for free babysitting. you are entitled to a break. </s>
AITA for not wanting a former crush invited to my birthday party, resulting in my mom's breakdown?	i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbisvj/aita_for_not_wanting_a_former_crush_invited_to_my/	2022-12-03 15:27:49	nta your mother is abusive. why is she so insistent on sam being present? is her her little spy buddy?	nta- your mother is abusive. she can be mad for whatever reasons, even though the party is for you and not her. but threatening to destroy things is abusive. your friends sound like ahs, and something about sam threatening to snitch on you to your parents is rubbing me the wrong day. possibly because it isn't clear what you're in recovery for and sam doesn't seem to have the authority to do this. i hope you can find some peace, better friends, and a good therapist once you're able to move out.	if you can leave, you should. and sam is a paternalistic, spying creep. it almost feels like sam and your parents are grooming you to marry him once you’re “fixed.” this is all bizarre and terrible from my outsider perspective. i don’t know what used to be “wrong” with you but i find all of this—the party, the creepy dude and the abusive parents—weird as hell. i can’t help but wonder if you had issues caused by your shitty mom and oppressive family or untreated mental health issues they chose to pray away or what.	i don’t understand how this story went from him helping you out to him sending you homework and trying to control who you speak to. seems unfocused.	nta. you are surrounded by manipulative abusive people. sam is not a good person. it sounds like he was assigned to “save” you. that’s not a friend. this is a sensitive issue and i understand if don’t answer or are vague, but what issues have you been struggling with? because i’m getting the sense those issues are only issues because hey go against your church’s teachings.	nta of course you don't have to invite a specific guy to your birthday if you don't want to. it's your birthday. i agree you should distance yourself from him. he might be a good guy (not so sure about that...), but your feelings for him are not helping you. however, the real problem here is very clearly your mom/parents. this is extremely controlling and toxic behavior. i'm guessing it's the tip of the iceberg, and this supposedly supportive community lets it happen. try to meet with a therapist who has no connection to any of this crowd.	>after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. … > my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. nta. it’s disturbing on another level that the help you have received and how your family views your recovery progress is thoroughly tinged, influenced—dare i say skewed?—by the involvement of religion. you need counseling outside the auspices of religion, by someone with better qualifications than “i’m employed by a church and i’m here to help you.” your mom didn’t have a breakdown. she had a tantrum.	nta, you should be allowed to say who gets invited to your party, you should be allowed to say if you want a party at all. and your mom shouldn't be smashing the house up when things don't go her way. i don't see how gratitude comes into this at all. people are running over you and then blaming you for it. i hope you are doing better. and i hope that you come to learn that this level of interference and control over your life is outrageous. everyone in your life knows your business and shares it with one another without caring at all how you, the person in question, feels about it. heck, even your crush is blackmailing you. none of this is healthy. it's all abusive. ps- op, i think 'chatting' with older guys is a bad move, just to be on the record about that part. especially if you're not feeling supported by people you know or are otherwise a little vulnerable. the likelihood of somebody using your emotions to manipulate you are extremely high.	your home sounds abusive.. you need to get a real therapist and not a network of do-gooders who don't in fact actually know how to help you. consider moving i to your own safe space and not clearly under your parents control..	op, are you by any chance a member of any very strict religious group, like lds or mormons?	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line? [/INST] nta your mother is abusive. why is she so insistent on sam being present? is her her little spy buddy? </s>
AITA for not letting my brother buy unhealthy food if he’s going to live with me?	i used to be overweight but in the last year and a half have lost about 40lbs. it hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth it. something i’ve come to accept about myself is that my self control is bad if junk food is around me. i purged my house of all unhealthy food to make myself eat healthy. my brother has fallen on some hard times and lost his job and asked if he could move in with me in my spare room. he offered to pay a nominal amount for rent but realistically, way below market. money is not a huge issue and with wfh i’m not totally opposed to having a roommate for more human interaction. but my one worry is that he’s never ate very healthy. i’ve seen his pantry at his old place and he buys lots of chips, cookies, pizza, stuff like that. i told him if he moved in he wasn’t allowed to have any unhealthy food like that because i don’t want to tempt myself. some snacks and stuff he could keep in his room and just not eat it around me, but nothing bad in the fridge/freezer or kitchen pantry. he flipped out at this rule. said i was controlling and punishing him for my lack of self control. i just feel like this is what’s best for me because i know myself. am i being unreasonable and an asshole?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kh19y2/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_buy_unhealthy/	2020-12-20 20:10:29	nah i don’t think it’s unreasonable for a paying roommate to want to be able to eat what they’d like in the house they’re paying rent for—even if the rent they’re paying is below market. i also don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want to keep tempting foods out of your house. but this means you can’t have roommates, i’m afraid, so you should revoke your offer. you can’t control what other people put into their bodies, only what you put in yours. and if your self-control is such that you must control everything in the house, you are not suited to living with other people.	honestly bud, i feel like yta here. i only say this because, i myself live with a roommate, and i couldn't imagine imposing a limitation on what food he can keep in the house/fridge i do understand that fighting the munchies and dealing with junk food temptations can be hard, but it does come off as legitimately controlling. if you were vegan, would you tell him he could only have vegan food? or any other number of diets you could choose to have?	nah. i sympathize with you - its so much easier to eat healthy when there isn't junk around. but its unfair to set this rule upon your adult brother. could he have a separate place for food storage in this room? on a separate note, consider how long you're willing to let him stay with you and kindly advise him of this timeline. setting a sunset date on this arrangement now is a good idea for a million reasons, and any issues you're having with him will seem easier to handle when you know they won't last forever. but discuss this separately from the food thing, that issue is too emotionally charged for everyone!.	pay market rate and do what he wants, with the junk kept in his room. or pay minimum $$ and follow a simple house rule. nta	nah you have a right to keep healthy and he has a right to eat what he wants. invest in a fridge locker you won’t have access to so he can keep his food out of your range	info: why did you bring up him paying cheap rent? if he paid more, would that change your mind?	null	null	null	null	NAH	YTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	INFO	null	null	null	null	0.353898	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i used to be overweight but in the last year and a half have lost about 40lbs. it hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth it. something i’ve come to accept about myself is that my self control is bad if junk food is around me. i purged my house of all unhealthy food to make myself eat healthy. my brother has fallen on some hard times and lost his job and asked if he could move in with me in my spare room. he offered to pay a nominal amount for rent but realistically, way below market. money is not a huge issue and with wfh i’m not totally opposed to having a roommate for more human interaction. but my one worry is that he’s never ate very healthy. i’ve seen his pantry at his old place and he buys lots of chips, cookies, pizza, stuff like that. i told him if he moved in he wasn’t allowed to have any unhealthy food like that because i don’t want to tempt myself. some snacks and stuff he could keep in his room and just not eat it around me, but nothing bad in the fridge/freezer or kitchen pantry. he flipped out at this rule. said i was controlling and punishing him for my lack of self control. i just feel like this is what’s best for me because i know myself. am i being unreasonable and an asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i used to be overweight but in the last year and a half have lost about 40lbs. it hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth it. something i’ve come to accept about myself is that my self control is bad if junk food is around me. i purged my house of all unhealthy food to make myself eat healthy. my brother has fallen on some hard times and lost his job and asked if he could move in with me in my spare room. he offered to pay a nominal amount for rent but realistically, way below market. money is not a huge issue and with wfh i’m not totally opposed to having a roommate for more human interaction. but my one worry is that he’s never ate very healthy. i’ve seen his pantry at his old place and he buys lots of chips, cookies, pizza, stuff like that. i told him if he moved in he wasn’t allowed to have any unhealthy food like that because i don’t want to tempt myself. some snacks and stuff he could keep in his room and just not eat it around me, but nothing bad in the fridge/freezer or kitchen pantry. he flipped out at this rule. said i was controlling and punishing him for my lack of self control. i just feel like this is what’s best for me because i know myself. am i being unreasonable and an asshole? [/INST] nah i don’t think it’s unreasonable for a paying roommate to want to be able to eat what they’d like in the house they’re paying rent for—even if the rent they’re paying is below market. i also don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want to keep tempting foods out of your house. but this means you can’t have roommates, i’m afraid, so you should revoke your offer. you can’t control what other people put into their bodies, only what you put in yours. and if your self-control is such that you must control everything in the house, you are not suited to living with other people. </s>
AITA for not giving my wife a full-throated acknowledgement of my daughter's "diagnosis"?	my wife is not a kid person. she can't sit down and play blocks with a toddler without getting annoyed at the chaos. she can't play board games with our early elementary kids because they cheat or don't follow the rules and this makes her angry. i don't hold it against her. not everyone is wired to love kids. the problem here is her self-concept: she really wants to be a great mother. she works \very\ hard at it. our youngest daughter is... extra-spirited. lots of energy. quick to get loud and fight back in conflicts. she and my wife have a lot of conflict. my wife took her to a psychologist for therapy. after a few weeks the therapist stopped seeing both of them and for a few years now, has just seen my wife. they work on her own childhood trauma (father abandoned them when she was 3, mother went to work full time, her brother, 6 years older, terrorized her -- she hates him to this day.) somewhere along the line, my daughter got a diagnosis of "reactive attachment disorder". as the only adult on the planet who has seen my daughter and my wife interact day-to-day, i believe 100% that my daughter is not enough of an outlier to warrant any sort of disorder label. she's a normal smart, sensitive, high-energy kid. the source of the frequent conflict she has with my wife is because my wife doesn't know how to set age-appropriate boundaries or provide support, encouragement, and love in the moments when my daughter is ripe to receive them. again, i don't blame my wife. she didn't get much of that as a kid, so she doesn't know how to do it. not her fault. i do all of that with our daughter and we get along great. the other day, my wife and i got into an argument, it got deep and ugly and something she said made me feel judged and pointedly accused of being an shitty partner. i shot back, "do you ever wonder why it's \you\ who seems to have trouble having an intimate relationship with both me and <<daugher's name>>?" this, of course, hit deep. we talked through things the next day, understood each other's perspective, and apologized. at the end of that, she said one more thing about my parenting dig: "do you realize that she has reactive attachment disorder? you can't blame me for that. we have a child with reactive attachment disorder!" and an unspecified threat/warning: "if you think it's all my fault, then we've got a problem." i was a bit frozen on how to respond. i didn't say "yes, i know she does. i'm sorry." i couldn't because i don't believe it. in the past, i've tried "hey, c'mon, not everyone's a kid person." and "no one is a great parent at every age of their child. i'm a baby-person. you'll probably be awesome when the kids are teens." but she's stubborn and doesn't buy it. aita for not just going along and humoring her with the diagnosis? \-----	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hw9ze8/aita_for_not_giving_my_wife_a_fullthroated/	2020-07-23 05:26:02	esh. what you said to her was cruel. but that therapist is a quack. reactive attachment disorder is incredibly rare and pretty much only happens when children are severely abused and neglected. it doesn't happen because a mom doesn't love playing with blocks. unless you're leaving out big details, your kid does not have rad.	my biological sister has rad. this stems from 1. our bio-mom's boyfriend molested her when she was 7. like any normal mom, bio-mom married said boyfriend while he was in prison after being convicted of molesting my bio-sister (they are still married to this day). 2. she got placed with our bio-dad who was an abusive drunk and beat her until 3. cps took her out and placed her with foster care where she jumped from home to home until she was 17. it is ultra rare for a child coming from a loving 2 parent household will have rad. and, like you said, if she doesn't have those issues with you, it sounds like your wife is simply unable to create a bond with your kiddo due to her own mental issues going on. imo, you are nta. but don't forget how much fighting words can hurt.	nta, and i highly doubt your kid has rad, but if she does it is the kind of disorder that is caused by the actions (usually severe abuse and neglect) of parents - so saying “you can’t blame me for that” seems a little ridiculous. it’s not a genetic condition. it’s environmental. you totally can blame her for it, if you are so inclined.	info - is it really just your wife's diagnosis of your child or is it a diagnosis handed down by the therapist?	this one is hard...why did you guys have kids if she doesn't like kids? it sounds like if she has a hard time showing love and connecting with her own kids, you probably all need to be in therapy.	esh - you should have never have had kids with this woman. you are both scarring your kids for life. if you think they don't notice the dynamic between everyone in the family, you are dead wrong. you are doubting a doctor's diagnosis and she's clearly lacking in the parenting department. you guys need to be separated for your own good instead of weaponizing the kids against one another.	nta, get another professional opinion, your wife has rad and your daughter would have to have not made an attachment with either of you and suffered abandonment and neglect to result in rad. it’s your wife’s issues bleeding through.	nta for your actual question if you were wrong to not just play along. i had to look into what reactive attachment disorder actually is. it sounds like your daughter is less likely to have been diagnosed osed that way than your wife. shes the one with the abandonment issues. you call yourself a baby person, it doesn't fit the definition to just ignore a crying baby, obviously she hasn't been bounced around in foster care, etc. to blame your wife, is shitty even if she does have relevant issues. be supportive, don't ask me how while you're in an argument, but just don't be a dick.	nta. why on earth would you decide to have kids if your wife hates the way that normal children behave???	yta because your wife is treating your poor daughter terribly, she's obviously making zero progress with her enabling therapist if they're diagnosing a toddler from someone else's descriptions, and you honestly don't seem that worried. listen...an unloving parent fucks you up. and let me absolutely guarantee you, if your wife can't love an adorable little toddler (and i don't like kids), she will treat your teenage daughter like the spawn of satan. do you want your precious free spirited daughter to end up as emotionally fucked as your wife is? then start trying to fix things instead of just trying to not rock the boat. even if that means leaving. your daughter is relying on you, dad. please don't let her down	ESH	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	0.347438	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife is not a kid person. she can't sit down and play blocks with a toddler without getting annoyed at the chaos. she can't play board games with our early elementary kids because they cheat or don't follow the rules and this makes her angry. i don't hold it against her. not everyone is wired to love kids. the problem here is her self-concept: she really wants to be a great mother. she works \very\* hard at it. our youngest daughter is... extra-spirited. lots of energy. quick to get loud and fight back in conflicts. she and my wife have a lot of conflict. my wife took her to a psychologist for therapy. after a few weeks the therapist stopped seeing both of them and for a few years now, has just seen my wife. they work on her own childhood trauma (father abandoned them when she was 3, mother went to work full time, her brother, 6 years older, terrorized her -- she hates him to this day.) somewhere along the line, my daughter got a diagnosis of "reactive attachment disorder". as the only adult on the planet who has seen my daughter and my wife interact day-to-day, i believe 100% that my daughter is not enough of an outlier to warrant any sort of disorder label. she's a normal smart, sensitive, high-energy kid. the source of the frequent conflict she has with my wife is because my wife doesn't know how to set age-appropriate boundaries or provide support, encouragement, and love in the moments when my daughter is ripe to receive them. again, i don't blame my wife. she didn't get much of that as a kid, so she doesn't know how to do it. not her fault. i do all of that with our daughter and we get along great. the other day, my wife and i got into an argument, it got deep and ugly and something she said made me feel judged and pointedly accused of being an shitty partner. i shot back, "do you ever wonder why it's \you\ who seems to have trouble having an intimate relationship with both me and <<daugher's name>>?" this, of course, hit deep. we talked through things the next day, understood each other's perspective, and apologized. at the end of that, she said one more thing about my parenting dig: "do you realize that she has reactive attachment disorder? you can't blame me for that. we have a child with reactive attachment disorder!" and an unspecified threat/warning: "if you think it's all my fault, then we've got a problem." i was a bit frozen on how to respond. i didn't say "yes, i know she does. i'm sorry." i couldn't because i don't believe it. in the past, i've tried "hey, c'mon, not everyone's a kid person." and "no one is a great parent at every age of their child. i'm a baby-person. you'll probably be awesome when the kids are teens." but she's stubborn and doesn't buy it. aita for not just going along and humoring her with the diagnosis? \-----	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife is not a kid person. she can't sit down and play blocks with a toddler without getting annoyed at the chaos. she can't play board games with our early elementary kids because they cheat or don't follow the rules and this makes her angry. i don't hold it against her. not everyone is wired to love kids. the problem here is her self-concept: she really wants to be a great mother. she works \very\* hard at it. our youngest daughter is... extra-spirited. lots of energy. quick to get loud and fight back in conflicts. she and my wife have a lot of conflict. my wife took her to a psychologist for therapy. after a few weeks the therapist stopped seeing both of them and for a few years now, has just seen my wife. they work on her own childhood trauma (father abandoned them when she was 3, mother went to work full time, her brother, 6 years older, terrorized her -- she hates him to this day.) somewhere along the line, my daughter got a diagnosis of "reactive attachment disorder". as the only adult on the planet who has seen my daughter and my wife interact day-to-day, i believe 100% that my daughter is not enough of an outlier to warrant any sort of disorder label. she's a normal smart, sensitive, high-energy kid. the source of the frequent conflict she has with my wife is because my wife doesn't know how to set age-appropriate boundaries or provide support, encouragement, and love in the moments when my daughter is ripe to receive them. again, i don't blame my wife. she didn't get much of that as a kid, so she doesn't know how to do it. not her fault. i do all of that with our daughter and we get along great. the other day, my wife and i got into an argument, it got deep and ugly and something she said made me feel judged and pointedly accused of being an shitty partner. i shot back, "do you ever wonder why it's \you\ who seems to have trouble having an intimate relationship with both me and <<daugher's name>>?" this, of course, hit deep. we talked through things the next day, understood each other's perspective, and apologized. at the end of that, she said one more thing about my parenting dig: "do you realize that she has reactive attachment disorder? you can't blame me for that. we have a child with reactive attachment disorder!" and an unspecified threat/warning: "if you think it's all my fault, then we've got a problem." i was a bit frozen on how to respond. i didn't say "yes, i know she does. i'm sorry." i couldn't because i don't believe it. in the past, i've tried "hey, c'mon, not everyone's a kid person." and "no one is a great parent at every age of their child. i'm a baby-person. you'll probably be awesome when the kids are teens." but she's stubborn and doesn't buy it. aita for not just going along and humoring her with the diagnosis? \----- [/INST] esh. what you said to her was cruel. but that therapist is a quack. reactive attachment disorder is incredibly rare and pretty much only happens when children are severely abused and neglected. it doesn't happen because a mom doesn't love playing with blocks. unless you're leaving out big details, your kid does not have rad. </s>
AITA for refusing to respect my grandmother?	hello. my grandmother is from puerto rico and was not all that present in my childhood and even my mother’s life. i have some problems with my grandmother. the first one being that she is homophobic and i am openly bisexual. she is the only person in my entire family who looks down on me for it. she is also incredibly rude and has no respect for the people around her. she had to move in with my family because of hurricane maria or something like that. okay. let’s get started. so i had a boyfriend (we’ll call him alex). so alex and i were about a month into our relationship and i invited him to meet the family and right off the bat my grandmother needed to be rude and call him a girl (he has long hair which i really liked) and i just ignored it because i wanted alex to be comfortable. so we are sitting on my couch watching a movie and he has his head on my shoulder. for reference, i have two sisters who had boyfriends who they would literally cuddle up all over under blankets and stuff and my grandmother never said a thing. my grandmother decides that it is a truly fine idea to come over and say “ugh that’s disgusting why are you doing that”. i didnt say anything and alex immediately wanted to leave because he felt hurt and stuff. he ended up breaking up with me later that night. so i told my grandmother the next day and she had the fucking nerve to say “good maybe you’ll be able to be with a girl like you are supposed to”. so i ended up telling her that it is none of her business what i want to do in my own house and that just because she is my grandmother does not mean that i have to respect her if she doesn’t respect me. i also reminded her that my mother is doing her a favor by letting her stay in my already crowded house and she can choose to go to any other family’s house if she doesnt like what i do. she started crying and told my mom and my mom was furious because i didnt “respect my elders”. i have no respect for a woman who disrespects me in my own house and i am not at all ashamed of it. even though i do not go out of my way to disrespect my grandmother in any way, i basically don’t care for what she has to say about my lifestyle, or anything pertaining to that. so, am i the asshole for not respecting my grandmother even though she doesnt respect me?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhb34m/aita_for_refusing_to_respect_my_grandmother/	2019-10-13 14:13:58	nta bigots don’t deserve respect.	esh your grandmother sucks for her homophobia, and you aren't an asshole for telling her off about it. you are an asshole however for ignoring her insulting your boyfriend instead of standing up for someone you're supposed to care for, honestly you deserved to be broken up with, i'd break up with you too if you let your family openly disrespect me like that.	nta. old people need to either change with the times or just shut up.	"respect your elders" is a fine statement if your elders are independently worthy of your respect. you don't get to demand someone respects their elders and overlook their disrespect or otherwise shitty behaviour. nta.	esh. your grandma was being incredibly offensive and rude but you also didn’t defend your bf when she yelled at you which you should have done.	nta i hate this sh*t of "respect your elders". you don't get respect because you're old, you earn it and also give respect to the people who are putting you up in their own home, she caused your bf to end things with you too, not acceptable	null	null	null	null	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.176777	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello. my grandmother is from puerto rico and was not all that present in my childhood and even my mother’s life. i have some problems with my grandmother. the first one being that she is homophobic and i am openly bisexual. she is the only person in my entire family who looks down on me for it. she is also incredibly rude and has no respect for the people around her. she had to move in with my family because of hurricane maria or something like that. okay. let’s get started. so i had a boyfriend (we’ll call him alex). so alex and i were about a month into our relationship and i invited him to meet the family and right off the bat my grandmother needed to be rude and call him a girl (he has long hair which i really liked) and i just ignored it because i wanted alex to be comfortable. so we are sitting on my couch watching a movie and he has his head on my shoulder. for reference, i have two sisters who had boyfriends who they would literally cuddle up all over under blankets and stuff and my grandmother never said a thing. my grandmother decides that it is a truly fine idea to come over and say “ugh that’s disgusting why are you doing that”. i didnt say anything and alex immediately wanted to leave because he felt hurt and stuff. he ended up breaking up with me later that night. so i told my grandmother the next day and she had the fucking nerve to say “good maybe you’ll be able to be with a girl like you are supposed to”. so i ended up telling her that it is none of her business what i want to do in my own house and that just because she is my grandmother does not mean that i have to respect her if she doesn’t respect me. i also reminded her that my mother is doing her a favor by letting her stay in my already crowded house and she can choose to go to any other family’s house if she doesnt like what i do. she started crying and told my mom and my mom was furious because i didnt “respect my elders”. i have no respect for a woman who disrespects me in my own house and i am not at all ashamed of it. even though i do not go out of my way to disrespect my grandmother in any way, i basically don’t care for what she has to say about my lifestyle, or anything pertaining to that. so, am i the asshole for not respecting my grandmother even though she doesnt respect me?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hello. my grandmother is from puerto rico and was not all that present in my childhood and even my mother’s life. i have some problems with my grandmother. the first one being that she is homophobic and i am openly bisexual. she is the only person in my entire family who looks down on me for it. she is also incredibly rude and has no respect for the people around her. she had to move in with my family because of hurricane maria or something like that. okay. let’s get started. so i had a boyfriend (we’ll call him alex). so alex and i were about a month into our relationship and i invited him to meet the family and right off the bat my grandmother needed to be rude and call him a girl (he has long hair which i really liked) and i just ignored it because i wanted alex to be comfortable. so we are sitting on my couch watching a movie and he has his head on my shoulder. for reference, i have two sisters who had boyfriends who they would literally cuddle up all over under blankets and stuff and my grandmother never said a thing. my grandmother decides that it is a truly fine idea to come over and say “ugh that’s disgusting why are you doing that”. i didnt say anything and alex immediately wanted to leave because he felt hurt and stuff. he ended up breaking up with me later that night. so i told my grandmother the next day and she had the fucking nerve to say “good maybe you’ll be able to be with a girl like you are supposed to”. so i ended up telling her that it is none of her business what i want to do in my own house and that just because she is my grandmother does not mean that i have to respect her if she doesn’t respect me. i also reminded her that my mother is doing her a favor by letting her stay in my already crowded house and she can choose to go to any other family’s house if she doesnt like what i do. she started crying and told my mom and my mom was furious because i didnt “respect my elders”. i have no respect for a woman who disrespects me in my own house and i am not at all ashamed of it. even though i do not go out of my way to disrespect my grandmother in any way, i basically don’t care for what she has to say about my lifestyle, or anything pertaining to that. so, am i the asshole for not respecting my grandmother even though she doesnt respect me? [/INST] nta bigots don’t deserve respect. </s>
AITA for refusing to wash the dishes until my sister does.	this seems petty but i feel like i have a point. i f(18) just got into an argument with my father about why i should give my sister (14) a break from washing the dishes. the chores around the house are split between myself and my two sisters. usually, it's my older sister (20) and i who do a majority of the work. one of the chores that no one really likes to do is the dishes. usually, we rotate every day on who does the dishes, but as my older sister and i are online for college and the youngest is doing face to face for secondary school and my parents have decided that we should try to take some weight off of her shoulders. as such, she only does the dishes on fridays and sundays. last week friday she was supposed to wash the dishes and didn't, so we decided that this week she would do them on thursday, friday, and sunday. today, there were a lot of dishes in the sink because she chose to let them pile up from yesterday to wash all today and my father asked whose turn it was to wash the dishes. it's friday so we said, "youngest is supposed to wash the dishes." after hearing this he began to argue with us and went off about how she's going to school from 8-3 every day and that we're home all day doing nothing (not true, we are also in school, just doing it from home) and that we should pick up the slack and give her a break every once in a while. i agreed and said "okay, whatever but i just want to point out one thing. when we (my older sister and i) had just begun secondary school (around 12 years old), you made a big point about how we're getting older and we have chores and responsibilities that we can't just ignore because we're in school. you said that we need to learn to prioritize and organize so that our school life doesn't affect our home life. so i find it very hypocritical that all of a sudden because she's 'younger and going to school' we need to pick up her slack. when we were in school we washed the dishes every day and if we didn't we got in trouble. " when i said this he went off even more and said that's the issue with this generation, we only like to talk back, be lazy, and not work. after that, i just turned to my older sister and said i'm not doing it before turning my attention back to my class. i don't think that i am the ah for saying what i said the only thing i feel bad about is that my older sister might be expected to do all of the dishes.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up44dt/aita_for_refusing_to_wash_the_dishes_until_my/	2022-05-13 23:19:29	nta, lovely double standards atleast you know who is the favourite...	nta >when i said this he went off even more and said that's the issue with this generation, we only like to talk back, be lazy, and not work. "and the issue with your generation is when you hear facts you throw a tantrum."	nta- your sibling is being babied and that’s not going to help her in the long term. you and your other sister might start thinking about if you can pull together and rent together sometime. otherwise you’re going to be treated like this for a really long time. and it’s time for younger sister to pull her fair share. but arguing with your dad is going to get nowhere. he clearly favors her. and even reasonable arguments aren’t going to get through that emotional response. the only way that’s going to work is it she has to pick up some of the slack herself. but i was at the very least hold your ground. i would try and make a chore list. and show what work you and your other sibling have done. clock in, clock out. also show him your homework. and anything else you have. make him see that your stuff piles up too. but i don’t think he’s going to change his ways. just know karma has a bad way of biting people. and your sister will get hers. even if it’s 20 years from now and she loses out on a lot of stuff	nta. found the golden child!	nta. you and your big sister need to wait this out. use paper plates and plastic cups/cutlery that can be thrown away if you have to. either baby sister does the dishes, or dad does.	nta...doulble standard is right...the baby is getting her way. draw your line in the sand here. your dad can't have it one way for you and easier for her	nta. yes, little sis is physically in class longer hours, but everybody agreed (i assume she did?) that chore distribution was equitable. dad shouldn't renege on that. if sis doesn't like it, she should ask for a re-evaluation but do her job in the meantime.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this seems petty but i feel like i have a point. i f(18) just got into an argument with my father about why i should give my sister (14) a break from washing the dishes. the chores around the house are split between myself and my two sisters. usually, it's my older sister (20) and i who do a majority of the work. one of the chores that no one really likes to do is the dishes. usually, we rotate every day on who does the dishes, but as my older sister and i are online for college and the youngest is doing face to face for secondary school and my parents have decided that we should try to take some weight off of her shoulders. as such, she only does the dishes on fridays and sundays. last week friday she was supposed to wash the dishes and didn't, so we decided that this week she would do them on thursday, friday, and sunday. today, there were a lot of dishes in the sink because she chose to let them pile up from yesterday to wash all today and my father asked whose turn it was to wash the dishes. it's friday so we said, "youngest is supposed to wash the dishes." after hearing this he began to argue with us and went off about how she's going to school from 8-3 every day and that we're home all day doing nothing (not true, we are also in school, just doing it from home) and that we should pick up the slack and give her a break every once in a while. i agreed and said "okay, whatever but i just want to point out one thing. when we (my older sister and i) had just begun secondary school (around 12 years old), you made a big point about how we're getting older and we have chores and responsibilities that we can't just ignore because we're in school. you said that we need to learn to prioritize and organize so that our school life doesn't affect our home life. so i find it very hypocritical that all of a sudden because she's 'younger and going to school' we need to pick up her slack. when we were in school we washed the dishes every day and if we didn't we got in trouble. " when i said this he went off even more and said that's the issue with this generation, we only like to talk back, be lazy, and not work. after that, i just turned to my older sister and said i'm not doing it before turning my attention back to my class. i don't think that i am the ah for saying what i said the only thing i feel bad about is that my older sister might be expected to do all of the dishes.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this seems petty but i feel like i have a point. i f(18) just got into an argument with my father about why i should give my sister (14) a break from washing the dishes. the chores around the house are split between myself and my two sisters. usually, it's my older sister (20) and i who do a majority of the work. one of the chores that no one really likes to do is the dishes. usually, we rotate every day on who does the dishes, but as my older sister and i are online for college and the youngest is doing face to face for secondary school and my parents have decided that we should try to take some weight off of her shoulders. as such, she only does the dishes on fridays and sundays. last week friday she was supposed to wash the dishes and didn't, so we decided that this week she would do them on thursday, friday, and sunday. today, there were a lot of dishes in the sink because she chose to let them pile up from yesterday to wash all today and my father asked whose turn it was to wash the dishes. it's friday so we said, "youngest is supposed to wash the dishes." after hearing this he began to argue with us and went off about how she's going to school from 8-3 every day and that we're home all day doing nothing (not true, we are also in school, just doing it from home) and that we should pick up the slack and give her a break every once in a while. i agreed and said "okay, whatever but i just want to point out one thing. when we (my older sister and i) had just begun secondary school (around 12 years old), you made a big point about how we're getting older and we have chores and responsibilities that we can't just ignore because we're in school. you said that we need to learn to prioritize and organize so that our school life doesn't affect our home life. so i find it very hypocritical that all of a sudden because she's 'younger and going to school' we need to pick up her slack. when we were in school we washed the dishes every day and if we didn't we got in trouble. " when i said this he went off even more and said that's the issue with this generation, we only like to talk back, be lazy, and not work. after that, i just turned to my older sister and said i'm not doing it before turning my attention back to my class. i don't think that i am the ah for saying what i said the only thing i feel bad about is that my older sister might be expected to do all of the dishes. [/INST] nta, lovely double standards atleast you know who is the favourite... </s>
AITA to be upset towards my father about him talking about marriage?	i am still living under my parents roof. in our culture (south asian) it's normal to live under your parents roof until you get married. i regret not going moving to campus when i entered university, but i thought commuting was better also i could help at home, with cooking and cleaning. my mom passed away and i have always done house chores (i am not the best and i know my father often complains about it, but i did my best). unfortunately my university years take a bit longer than the usual - and i think that made my father see me uncapable of doing anything and be a weight -. i covered my university expenses with my scholarship, so at least i was able to cover, tuition, transport, food, books etc. my father was talking to my brother about marrying me off once my brother gets a good job. that made me so angry. i didn't study all these years for nothing. i always put family and never asked for anything and now he wants to talk about marriage? i was mentally prepared to accept an arranged marriage in the future but i want to live my life. my father has gone to india for a little time because his sister - who has always been an invisible member - passed away. we don't have even enough money and my father goes always to india. he spends all the money there. i thought once i am done with school (im quite close) to find a job and so me and my brother can finally live a better life but my father is so irresponsable. but now i really want to graduate - hope this summer - and to be gone. i am done respecting the culture, and respecting my father and whatever type of thing. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ufxr7z/aita_to_be_upset_towards_my_father_about_him/	2022-05-01 11:17:31	nta. fuck every single misogynistic tradition in any culture. you are a person, not an object. what you want matters.	nta see if you can move out of country. other places don’t have the stigma on your leaving home.	nta. it’s your life. you’re not some object to be sold off to another man. go chase your career & live the way you want to.	nta. you have every right to live your life the way you want to live it.	dear op, i may not know you well but you are nta. when your dad suggested marrying you off once brother gets a job, that reeks of misogyny. this is not right. screw cultural traditions that promote misogyny op, this is your life and no one can tell you otherwise. in the mean time, please prepare yourself to take any interviews abroad or take up an internship in a city away from your home. in case your dad tries to stop you from leaving e.g. take away your passport etc, be very prepared to come up with a plan to ensure you do not lose your passport and have a bit of money with you to help you move out	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am still living under my parents roof. in our culture (south asian) it's normal to live under your parents roof until you get married. i regret not going moving to campus when i entered university, but i thought commuting was better also i could help at home, with cooking and cleaning. my mom passed away and i have always done house chores (i am not the best and i know my father often complains about it, but i did my best). unfortunately my university years take a bit longer than the usual - and i think that made my father see me uncapable of doing anything and be a weight -. i covered my university expenses with my scholarship, so at least i was able to cover, tuition, transport, food, books etc. my father was talking to my brother about marrying me off once my brother gets a good job. that made me so angry. i didn't study all these years for nothing. i always put family and never asked for anything and now he wants to talk about marriage? i was mentally prepared to accept an arranged marriage in the future but i want to live my life. my father has gone to india for a little time because his sister - who has always been an invisible member - passed away. we don't have even enough money and my father goes always to india. he spends all the money there. i thought once i am done with school (im quite close) to find a job and so me and my brother can finally live a better life but my father is so irresponsable. but now i really want to graduate - hope this summer - and to be gone. i am done respecting the culture, and respecting my father and whatever type of thing. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am still living under my parents roof. in our culture (south asian) it's normal to live under your parents roof until you get married. i regret not going moving to campus when i entered university, but i thought commuting was better also i could help at home, with cooking and cleaning. my mom passed away and i have always done house chores (i am not the best and i know my father often complains about it, but i did my best). unfortunately my university years take a bit longer than the usual - and i think that made my father see me uncapable of doing anything and be a weight -. i covered my university expenses with my scholarship, so at least i was able to cover, tuition, transport, food, books etc. my father was talking to my brother about marrying me off once my brother gets a good job. that made me so angry. i didn't study all these years for nothing. i always put family and never asked for anything and now he wants to talk about marriage? i was mentally prepared to accept an arranged marriage in the future but i want to live my life. my father has gone to india for a little time because his sister - who has always been an invisible member - passed away. we don't have even enough money and my father goes always to india. he spends all the money there. i thought once i am done with school (im quite close) to find a job and so me and my brother can finally live a better life but my father is so irresponsable. but now i really want to graduate - hope this summer - and to be gone. i am done respecting the culture, and respecting my father and whatever type of thing. aita? [/INST] nta. fuck every single misogynistic tradition in any culture. you are a person, not an object. what you want matters. </s>
AITA for not wanting to attend funerals for any of my family members		151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bmvquj/aita_for_not_wanting_to_attend_funerals_for_any/	2019-05-10 08:28:06	yta - suck it up and go to the funerals. it's not about you or your feelings. i'm the same when it comes to death. accept it and move on. yet i still go to the funerals because why the fuck not. it's not about me.	yta for focusing on how you feel instead of thinking about the people who have experienced a great loss. funerals are not about you, it’s for the people who are grieving. seeing people pay their respects to someone you love is a great comfort. i see that you’re only 19, so i hope that as you mature, you’ll learn some empathy. or maybe you won’t, and no one will show up at your funeral.	nah. i'm a little hesitant but i think that's the answer i'll go with. i believe everybody should be able to deal with death however they want to, as it affects everybody differently. however, it is socially expected of you to go, because that's the general response to death in this culture, and i understand why you're parents would be upset with you not going.	yta. not a big one, but that's the way i lean. there's nothing wrong with your opinion. but when going to the funeral isn't really a problem for you, it's just sort of pointless, that's a pretty weak reason to flake on social obligation. you being there isn't important to you, but it is to at least some of the people around you. (your parents, notably.) it's not like funerals are an everyday thing, i don't see the big deal in giving up an afternoon once in a blue moon.	yta but only because of etiquette and societal expectations (assuming you're from a western culture). nobody likes funerals. but funerals are for the living. it's comforting for the immediate loved ones to see how many people attend to show their respect. the generally respectful thing to do is to show up and express condolences especially if the deceased is a relative. for example, even though it was just before my shift started, i attended my cousin's funeral who i didn't particularly like, but i do love my aunt and wanted to support her.	for my first serious post reading the comments is pretty enlightening, i appreciate it reddit	there's too many people here saying op should ignore their personal feelings and attend an event they have no desire in being at not out of malice but simply out of not believing in the purpose. no one has the right to demand that op feel or act a certain way simply because their view on life is different.	nta everyone deals with grief differently, maybe someone just sees it as disrespectful, though it should be your own choice. parents.just like to make choices for their kids.	nah, but funerals aren't exclusively about respecting the dead; they're also about expressing support for those who're still grieving, celebrating the lives of the dead, reminding ourselves of those we still have in our lives, etc. if you nevertheless feel no desire to attend 'em, then nobody can force you to feel differently.	nah - because you listen to your family and go despite not wanting to. kudos to you. not everything we do has to be for our own selves. funerals are for the benefit of the living mostly. seeing loved one's around can give comfort to others who do care. personally i see them as a reminder of my own mortality. to keep perspective that things will not last forever, so i shouldn't act like it as well. get my priorities right etc.	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	null	null	NTA	NAH	NAH	0.545815	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] yta - suck it up and go to the funerals. it's not about you or your feelings. i'm the same when it comes to death. accept it and move on. yet i still go to the funerals because why the fuck not. it's not about me. </s>
AITA: I went on vacation with my best friends crush. She ended the friendship.	hi reddit, this only happened yesterday and i need some neutral opinion on this. also not a native english-speaker, so please forgive my spelling mistakes. the problem: my best friend (20,f) and i (20,f) used to go to the same highschool. almost immediatly after we met, we became best friends. she played a big part in escaping my depression and making me a more confident, self-loving person. we did everything together and lived through every milestone one encounters between 16 to 20. we both don´t really have any other good friends, which made our friendship even stronger. after she left the school before the last year started, we still saw each other at least twice a week and went partying every weekend. i told her all of my secrets and problems and in return, so did she. last week a friend from my old high-school ( i graduated in 2019) asked me to go on a last-minute ski trip with her and her new boyfriend. i said yes and send her the money so she could book the hotel. then she told me another guy from our old school (miles) would also tag along, as well as another girl. in the end, that other girl got sick, so it was just the four of us. my bff used to have the biggest crush on miles, but they never dated and he never made any indication that he would want to. they still hung out a lot as friends. after she left the school, contact broke off completly between them (2017), and they only saw each other once more a year later, when they had a random drunken hook-up (no sex tho) . after that, again no contact. we never talked about him after that, so i thought she wasn´t into him anymore and tbh, i always liked miles as a friend, but we had really opposite personalities and i was never that close with him. after i told her of the planned vacation, she seemed fine. the only thing she said was that it could seem like a couples vacation, to which i assured her it wasn´t. the day after, she stopped responding to my messages and didn´t answer my calls. i repeatedly asked her if there was something wrong, but the the trip started and i wanted to have a good time, so i just left it at that. after i came back, she texted me that i broke her trust, our friendship is a burden to her and that she can´t understand how i could go on vacation with her ex (he´s not!) i feel like i haven´t done anything wrong, for me it was just a vacation with friends. i would´ve invited her, but it was really last-minute and the other girl and her don´t like each other that much. even if she had said something beforehand, i probably still would have gone. i understand that she may still have feelings for him, but she never mentioned it in 2 years and she didn´t say anything when i told her about the trip . please tell me reddit: did i break the bro-code? am i the asshole? i´m afraid that i´m gonna loose her as a friend, she means everything to me.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etbkzk/aita_i_went_on_vacation_with_my_best_friends/	2020-01-24 15:07:03	nta your friend doesn't own miles, or get to lay claim on him. she never made a move on miles, other than one drunk hook-up? she didn't decide to pursue him after that? that's her fault. this friend is being unreasonable, jealous, possessive, and unfair. you're fine. this is absolutely crazy talk. \edit to add\ ugh there is no bro-code. people don't claim other people and stop ppl from hooking up (not that you did, i'm just saying). if she liked him, she should've gone after him. she didn't. end of story.	nta. your friend is being possessive over miles. this isn't healthy even in a relationship. the fact she's being so possessive of him when they're barely friends is borderline stalkerish. your friend needs to get over it, apologize to you, and find someone who will reciprocate her feelings.	nta. your friend is immature. you got invited on a ski trip that miles was invited to as well. you did nothing wrong. even if you did have a thing going on with miles you're still nta. people can't call dibs on another person. it doesn't work that way. miles is not her property.	nta even if you had ended up dating miles. she's being immature.	nta - first of all, even within the realm of the girlcode (which this sub tends to really dislike but sometimes that's not life), you would not have broken it. the girlcode is don't hookup with your friends exes or people you know they actively like without a discussion, not don't go on group vacation where they happen to be there. that's not reasonable, you didn't get to pick who attended, and it's not like you even h/u with him or anything. you didn't get to pick who was attending and it's completely irrational for her to end your friendship, especially when she didn't even specify she had an issue with it, over this.	nta. from my perspective, you haven't done anything wrong. however, in response to: > i´m afraid that i´m gonna loose her as a friend, she means everything to me. i can't really say whether or not you will lose her over this, humans are not always the most rational creatures. probably best to have a thorough conversation about this with her.	nta. you had no idea she wasn't over miles, and honestly, i don't think she did either. the ski trip probably solidified to her that she and miles were never going to date, and she was probably feeling really low because of it. this, most likely, led to the overreaction. i don't think you'll lose her as a friend, but you have to tread carefully. she's likely feeling very vulnerable, and you'll need to accept that and have a conversation with her with that in mind.	i feel like it doesn't matter what we think because you stated that you would have still gone even if she told you how she felt.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi reddit, this only happened yesterday and i need some neutral opinion on this. also not a native english-speaker, so please forgive my spelling mistakes. the problem: my best friend (20,f) and i (20,f) used to go to the same highschool. almost immediatly after we met, we became best friends. she played a big part in escaping my depression and making me a more confident, self-loving person. we did everything together and lived through every milestone one encounters between 16 to 20. we both don´t really have any other good friends, which made our friendship even stronger. after she left the school before the last year started, we still saw each other at least twice a week and went partying every weekend. i told her all of my secrets and problems and in return, so did she. last week a friend from my old high-school ( i graduated in 2019) asked me to go on a last-minute ski trip with her and her new boyfriend. i said yes and send her the money so she could book the hotel. then she told me another guy from our old school (miles) would also tag along, as well as another girl. in the end, that other girl got sick, so it was just the four of us. my bff used to have the biggest crush on miles, but they never dated and he never made any indication that he would want to. they still hung out a lot as friends. after she left the school, contact broke off completly between them (2017), and they only saw each other once more a year later, when they had a random drunken hook-up (no sex tho) . after that, again no contact. we never talked about him after that, so i thought she wasn´t into him anymore and tbh, i always liked miles as a friend, but we had really opposite personalities and i was never that close with him. after i told her of the planned vacation, she seemed fine. the only thing she said was that it could seem like a couples vacation, to which i assured her it wasn´t. the day after, she stopped responding to my messages and didn´t answer my calls. i repeatedly asked her if there was something wrong, but the the trip started and i wanted to have a good time, so i just left it at that. after i came back, she texted me that i broke her trust, our friendship is a burden to her and that she can´t understand how i could go on vacation with her ex (he´s not!) i feel like i haven´t done anything wrong, for me it was just a vacation with friends. i would´ve invited her, but it was really last-minute and the other girl and her don´t like each other that much. even if she had said something beforehand, i probably still would have gone. i understand that she may still have feelings for him, but she never mentioned it in 2 years and she didn´t say anything when i told her about the trip . please tell me reddit: did i break the bro-code? am i the asshole? i´m afraid that i´m gonna loose her as a friend, she means everything to me.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi reddit, this only happened yesterday and i need some neutral opinion on this. also not a native english-speaker, so please forgive my spelling mistakes. the problem: my best friend (20,f) and i (20,f) used to go to the same highschool. almost immediatly after we met, we became best friends. she played a big part in escaping my depression and making me a more confident, self-loving person. we did everything together and lived through every milestone one encounters between 16 to 20. we both don´t really have any other good friends, which made our friendship even stronger. after she left the school before the last year started, we still saw each other at least twice a week and went partying every weekend. i told her all of my secrets and problems and in return, so did she. last week a friend from my old high-school ( i graduated in 2019) asked me to go on a last-minute ski trip with her and her new boyfriend. i said yes and send her the money so she could book the hotel. then she told me another guy from our old school (miles) would also tag along, as well as another girl. in the end, that other girl got sick, so it was just the four of us. my bff used to have the biggest crush on miles, but they never dated and he never made any indication that he would want to. they still hung out a lot as friends. after she left the school, contact broke off completly between them (2017), and they only saw each other once more a year later, when they had a random drunken hook-up (no sex tho) . after that, again no contact. we never talked about him after that, so i thought she wasn´t into him anymore and tbh, i always liked miles as a friend, but we had really opposite personalities and i was never that close with him. after i told her of the planned vacation, she seemed fine. the only thing she said was that it could seem like a couples vacation, to which i assured her it wasn´t. the day after, she stopped responding to my messages and didn´t answer my calls. i repeatedly asked her if there was something wrong, but the the trip started and i wanted to have a good time, so i just left it at that. after i came back, she texted me that i broke her trust, our friendship is a burden to her and that she can´t understand how i could go on vacation with her ex (he´s not!) i feel like i haven´t done anything wrong, for me it was just a vacation with friends. i would´ve invited her, but it was really last-minute and the other girl and her don´t like each other that much. even if she had said something beforehand, i probably still would have gone. i understand that she may still have feelings for him, but she never mentioned it in 2 years and she didn´t say anything when i told her about the trip . please tell me reddit: did i break the bro-code? am i the asshole? i´m afraid that i´m gonna loose her as a friend, she means everything to me. [/INST] nta your friend doesn't own miles, or get to lay claim on him. she never made a move on miles, other than one drunk hook-up? she didn't decide to pursue him after that? that's her fault. this friend is being unreasonable, jealous, possessive, and unfair. you're fine. this is absolutely crazy talk. \edit to add\* ugh there is no bro-code. people don't claim other people and stop ppl from hooking up (not that you did, i'm just saying). if she liked him, she should've gone after him. she didn't. end of story. </s>
WIBTA for telling my coworker not to talk to me at the gym?	i (mid-20sf) have a coworker who obviously has a thing for me. i have a boyfriend and have turned down his many offers to hang out alone “as friends”. he’s a “nice guy”, always helping me out when i don’t ask for it. but he’s not self aware at all to the point that it’s alarming, and he creeps me out sometimes by being so overbearing. we had a conversation months ago where i happened to drop the name of my gym. and what do you know, he started going. not only that but he somehow figured out a way to always be there when i am. he tries to strike up conversation every time. i don’t mind talking to him at work but the gym is a therapeutic place where i like to be alone in my thoughts. not to mention if i just sit and talk i don’t even want to workout anymore. so when i see his car in the parking lot i don’t even wanna go in. so i avoid him like the plague at the gym. sometimes i act like i don’t see him. but yesterday it crossed a line. he followed me into the yoga room that i use for stretching and sat down next to my mat. he stayed there for thirty minutes. i was so uninterested in the conversation and i don’t know how he didn’t see this. i wanted to play my music so bad. i didn’t even stretch because it involves bending over and i wasn’t comfortable. i just wanted him to leave me alone. eventually he left and i thought to myself “what the fuck was that?”. i feel creeped out. i feel like he purposefully puts himself in my orbit and it’s so smothering. it’s one thing to annoy me at work, but in my outside life? this is unacceptable. so, if this happens again, i’m gonna have to tell him that talking to me at the gym is off limits. not just because he’s annoying but because he ruins my workout. this is my gym and has been for years, and he’s making me want to switch places. so, wibta for setting a boundary of no talking to me at the gym?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xf2c1v/wibta_for_telling_my_coworker_not_to_talk_to_me/	2022-09-15 17:16:58	nta. he is a stalker. shut this down immediately. tell him he needs to stop now. if he continues then inform the gym management that he is doing this and tell your work hr.	nta. girlie, that man is stalking you. it’s only a matter of time before he figures out where you live and starts to show up there too. next time you go into work, you need to go straight to your hr and tell them that he’s stalking you. you should also try talking to your gym and tell them about the situation, they might be able to help you. buy some bear spray or a taser.	tell him that it feels like he is stalking to you and he needs to stop or you will contact the police. nta	nta. report him to gym and your work hr. this is harassment. i just took our yearly online course about it at work and this def fits harassment even if it’s outside of work.	nta. you are not obligated to return anyone’s affections, be friends with, or even be nice to anyone, no matter how much of a “nice guy” they are. and make no mistake - this guy is not a “nice guy.” a nice guy takes the hint when someone isn’t interested and backs off. this guy is stalking and harassing you. it’s only a matter of time before he follows you home. not only are you nta for setting the boundary you stated, but you would be perfectly justified to tell him not to associate with you outside of work at all. it’s perfectly fine to have a wall between your work and home lives.	nta but seriously, this is not going to be solved by you telling your creepy stalker co-worker to back off and it’s not a situation you can or should deal with alone. tell your gym’s management about him so that they turn him away at the door. if they won’t do that, take your workouts elsewhere. also talk to hr at your company because what your co-worker is doing is creating a hostile work environment. yes, even if he’s not touching you or making lewd remarks or anything like that. it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing or if he’s not “self-aware” or whatever (although i doubt he’s innocently bumbling along). he is constantly overstepping your boundaries, not registering your lack of interest, and having a negative impact on your mental health and well-being. he might also escalate his behavior so you should take steps to address this now.	nta. matter of fact, you could report him to the gym management for harassing you. you could even talk to hr at work about him harassing you outside of the office. there's no need to make nice with creeps like this. talk to the people who are paid to put a stop to this sort of thing. and any consequences he gets are all his fault.	nta he's stalking you and you need to report him.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (mid-20sf) have a coworker who obviously has a thing for me. i have a boyfriend and have turned down his many* offers to hang out alone “as friends”. he’s a “nice guy”, always helping me out when i don’t ask for it. but he’s not self aware at all to the point that it’s alarming, and he creeps me out sometimes by being so overbearing. we had a conversation months ago where i happened to drop the name of my gym. and what do you know, he started going. not only that but he somehow figured out a way to always be there when i am. he tries to strike up conversation every time. i don’t mind talking to him at work but the gym is a therapeutic place where i like to be alone in my thoughts. not to mention if i just sit and talk i don’t even want to workout anymore. so when i see his car in the parking lot i don’t even wanna go in. so i avoid him like the plague at the gym. sometimes i act like i don’t see him. but yesterday it crossed a line. he followed me into the yoga room that i use for stretching and sat down next to my mat. he stayed there for thirty minutes. i was so uninterested in the conversation and i don’t know how he didn’t see this. i wanted to play my music so bad. i didn’t even stretch because it involves bending over and i wasn’t comfortable. i just wanted him to leave me alone. eventually he left and i thought to myself “what the fuck was that?”. i feel creeped out. i feel like he purposefully puts himself in my orbit and it’s so smothering. it’s one thing to annoy me at work, but in my outside life? this is unacceptable. so, if this happens again, i’m gonna have to tell him that talking to me at the gym is off limits. not just because he’s annoying but because he ruins my workout. this is my gym and has been for years, and he’s making me want to switch places. so, wibta for setting a boundary of no talking to me at the gym?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (mid-20sf) have a coworker who obviously has a thing for me. i have a boyfriend and have turned down his many* offers to hang out alone “as friends”. he’s a “nice guy”, always helping me out when i don’t ask for it. but he’s not self aware at all to the point that it’s alarming, and he creeps me out sometimes by being so overbearing. we had a conversation months ago where i happened to drop the name of my gym. and what do you know, he started going. not only that but he somehow figured out a way to always be there when i am. he tries to strike up conversation every time. i don’t mind talking to him at work but the gym is a therapeutic place where i like to be alone in my thoughts. not to mention if i just sit and talk i don’t even want to workout anymore. so when i see his car in the parking lot i don’t even wanna go in. so i avoid him like the plague at the gym. sometimes i act like i don’t see him. but yesterday it crossed a line. he followed me into the yoga room that i use for stretching and sat down next to my mat. he stayed there for thirty minutes. i was so uninterested in the conversation and i don’t know how he didn’t see this. i wanted to play my music so bad. i didn’t even stretch because it involves bending over and i wasn’t comfortable. i just wanted him to leave me alone. eventually he left and i thought to myself “what the fuck was that?”. i feel creeped out. i feel like he purposefully puts himself in my orbit and it’s so smothering. it’s one thing to annoy me at work, but in my outside life? this is unacceptable. so, if this happens again, i’m gonna have to tell him that talking to me at the gym is off limits. not just because he’s annoying but because he ruins my workout. this is my gym and has been for years, and he’s making me want to switch places. so, wibta for setting a boundary of no talking to me at the gym? [/INST] nta. he is a stalker. shut this down immediately. tell him he needs to stop now. if he continues then inform the gym management that he is doing this and tell your work hr. </s>
WIBTA if I gave my kids different names than my stepdaughter?	wibta if my kids have matching names (but my step kid doesn’t?) 5 yrs ago i married my husband whose daughter a was 3. my son b is now 3, a is 8 and i’m expecting a daughter in july. i announced sat at my virtual baby shower we’re naming my daughter another b name. it... didn’t go over well. people are saying a will feel left out, apparently a has been crying to her mom about feeling even more “different”. people are up my butt with suggestions of, “oooh, why don’t you name your daughter this name? how about that name?” i get that i’m pregnant and sick of being inside but i’m ready to scream. a’s mom just called that a cried all today and yesterday about having a “different” sounding name from her siblings. given her mom wouldn’t even give her my husbands last name (they never married) that’s rich! i’m set on this name, it was my grandmas middle name. our son got a family name from my husband. over the years we have bent over backward for a’s mom’s bullshit and i’ve sacrificed a lot for a. and once again, it’s bs that every time i get pregnant (we want a third someday) the first question is “is a ok with it? how does her mom feel?” i’m sick of being made to feel like this woman gets a vote in my house! aita if i go forward with two b names?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gqjd37/wibta_if_i_gave_my_kids_different_names_than_my/	2020-05-25 21:07:01	nta she needs to mind her own business. i’m sure the kid wasn’t feeling ‘left out’ until her mother pointed it out to her and made her feel that way. you’re choosing family names that mean something. they just do happen to both start with b. there’s nothing wrong with that. name your children how you want. if you go out of your way to make your stepdaughter feel loved and this is the biggest thing her mom has to bitch about you’re probably doin g better than a lot of step parents.	nta, but you may want to spend some time with your stepdaughter to address the underlying concern: that she's an unwelcome outsider in your house.	nta and a’s reactions are a direct result of how the adults around her are presenting this to her immature all around.	nta. this is your family. her mom should be helping her daughter feel more included in the family. if its that much of an issue she should give her the dads last name. try giving a some sort of b nickname to help her feel included. you do not have to plan your family around her mom or what she wants. she needs to help her daughter feel included and so do yall. if she is upset that a is having issues, maybe she should allow you and her father to have more time with her so she feels more included. this is your family and your children, not hers.	if as mom cared so much about matching names then she'd give a her dads last name. why should you be the only one to bend everytime. your husband too, where is his spine?	nta - i understand a step child feeling a little left out, we have a blended family and my first daughter is the step child to my husband. at times she feels “different” too, i think we all work really hard to make her feel that she’s as important as her half sister. people shouldn’t feel they have the right in telling you what you shouldn’t or should name your future kids based on a situation they have no involvement in. it’s a name, not like you have her sleeping in a closet under the stairs like harry potter...	nta, but i have serious issues with the way you talk about your stepdaughter. it's not her fault that she has a split family, and it's not her fault she is with you. she is a child, and deserves more respect and love than i read in your post. kinda surprised you didn't go abc, but that's your prerogative. your relationship to your stepdaughter sounds pretty awful 'i've sacrificed so much for a'......yeah, hate to break it to you, that's what a parent does, and if she lives with you or is parented by you, you are her parents. so, nta for the baby name, but serious yta for the way you talk about that kid.	nta. i’ll never believe for a second that kid came up with that on their own	nta. that sounds like road of crap. a's mom is still upset you are with her husband. the name is for your grandmother. name your kid whatever you want.	info can you explain what you mean by matching names?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: wibta if my kids have matching names (but my step kid doesn’t?) 5 yrs ago i married my husband whose daughter a was 3. my son b is now 3, a is 8 and i’m expecting a daughter in july. i announced sat at my virtual baby shower we’re naming my daughter another b name. it... didn’t go over well. people are saying a will feel left out, apparently a has been crying to her mom about feeling even more “different”. people are up my butt with suggestions of, “oooh, why don’t you name your daughter this name? how about that name?” i get that i’m pregnant and sick of being inside but i’m ready to scream. a’s mom just called that a cried all today and yesterday about having a “different” sounding name from her siblings. given her mom wouldn’t even give her my husbands last name (they never married) that’s rich! i’m set on this name, it was my grandmas middle name. our son got a family name from my husband. over the years we have bent over backward for a’s mom’s bullshit and i’ve sacrificed a lot for a. and once again, it’s bs that every time i get pregnant (we want a third someday) the first question is “is a ok with it? how does her mom feel?” i’m sick of being made to feel like this woman gets a vote in my house! aita if i go forward with two b names?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> wibta if my kids have matching names (but my step kid doesn’t?) 5 yrs ago i married my husband whose daughter a was 3. my son b is now 3, a is 8 and i’m expecting a daughter in july. i announced sat at my virtual baby shower we’re naming my daughter another b name. it... didn’t go over well. people are saying a will feel left out, apparently a has been crying to her mom about feeling even more “different”. people are up my butt with suggestions of, “oooh, why don’t you name your daughter this name? how about that name?” i get that i’m pregnant and sick of being inside but i’m ready to scream. a’s mom just called that a cried all today and yesterday about having a “different” sounding name from her siblings. given her mom wouldn’t even give her my husbands last name (they never married) that’s rich! i’m set on this name, it was my grandmas middle name. our son got a family name from my husband. over the years we have bent over backward for a’s mom’s bullshit and i’ve sacrificed a lot for a. and once again, it’s bs that every time i get pregnant (we want a third someday) the first question is “is a ok with it? how does her mom feel?” i’m sick of being made to feel like this woman gets a vote in my house! aita if i go forward with two b names? [/INST] nta she needs to mind her own business. i’m sure the kid wasn’t feeling ‘left out’ until her mother pointed it out to her and made her feel that way. you’re choosing family names that mean something. they just do happen to both start with b. there’s nothing wrong with that. name your children how you want. if you go out of your way to make your stepdaughter feel loved and this is the biggest thing her mom has to bitch about you’re probably doin g better than a lot of step parents. </s>
AITA for how I reacted to my husband buying our 5-year-old son a snake?	my husband is a great dad but he also doesn’t know how to say no to our son. he once took us to disneyland because our son mentioned wanting to meet peter pan a few days after he said it. we live in the uk so it wasn’t a quick day trip either. our son currently has a fascination with snakes. my husband decided it would be a great idea to buy him one without even asking me. i’m terrified of snakes and he knows that. when he showed us the snake i freaked out and told him to get rid of it. he kept telling me to calm down and that the snake was harmless. our son was obviously delighted with his new friend. once our son had gone to bed, we had a huge fight over the damn snake. the biggest issue was me wanting him to get rid of the snake and him insisting i wouldn’t even know it was here. i admittedly got very upset and accused him of spoiling our son and saying he needed to say no to him which made him upset. he asked me if he also spoiled me since he never said no to me either and claims what he does is harmless and not spoiling our son at all. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ub89xf/aita_for_how_i_reacted_to_my_husband_buying_our/	2022-04-25 00:22:24	nta big purchase to the over priced holiday 2 yeses one no. new pet 2 yeses on no. he isn't a single father he needs to reel it in 40 notches.	nta. i love snakes and have worked with them for years as a science center volunteer, but phobias are real and i would never force anyone to be near a snake if they didn't want to. one does not just get over it because they are told the animal is harmless. also, reptiles can be difficult to properly care for. if he put no thought into your needs, how much did he put into the snake's?	nta if he spoils the kid too much they will become a spoiled brat. and he knows you have a phobia so that's worse, and the fact that a pet is a huge responsibility and he just bought one on a whim	your husband has impulse control issues. i don’t necesarily equate this with spoiling your child, but they could go hand in hand. but i almost wonder if it’s “cool dad” syndrome, like regina george’s mom. nta. he shouldn’t be making those kind of decisions unilaterally. huge financial costs and responsibility for another living creature. it’s not like your 5yo is gonna go to the shop to buy frozen mice for the snake himself. also he’s a double ah because he knows you’re afraid of them, which is normal and doesn’t need to be “gotten over.”	nta. i doubt the five year old will take care of the snake	he said no to you about getting rid of the snake. pets should be a family decision. meaning everyone should have a say in getting said pet. nta, but your husband not having a discussion about the pet before getting it, certainly is.	nta. you need to be included in decisions like this.	nta and your husband has put you in a horrible position. it seems like he knew you would say no and got the snake w/o telling you to manipulate you into finally agreeing b/c you’d be taking a gift away from your son.	there are two distinct issues here. there's not enough info to judge whether your husband is spoiling your son. as to the snake, nta. he knows you're terrified of them but he decided it shouldn't bother you to have one in your house. it's not your husband's place to try to force you to get over your fear. at the very minimum, he needed to discuss it with you first and make his case before bringing it home for your son to become attached to it. now, if you get rid of it, your husband will be seen as the cool dad who brought it home and you'll be the mean mom who made him get rid of it.	nta, snakes have a lot of needs since they are cold blooded, and so a well temperature regulated tank that's cleaned regularly is important. it's not a low maintenance animal. they also should be handled frequently to socialize them and should be allowed time to roam around a larger enclosed area under supervision to provide enrichment and prevent boredom. depending on the kind of snake they can get very large, may need live prey (bugs or mice), and all will need special vet care. it's not a pet to just get with no additional consideration and definitely not for a 5 year old, unless dad is going to have a heavy role in care. moreover, you have a right to not have things that you are scared of brought into the house with no discussion. you share a living space, and an animal is a big commitment regardless of species, so it should always be a discussion between the adults in the house. you're right, your husband is definitely spoiling your son and you should point out that him saying no to you vs your son are two very different things since his role as a husband is a supportive one, whereas being a parent requires disciplining and modeling behavior. please find a reptile sanctuary to re-home your snake or someone who has experience in reptile care!	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband is a great dad but he also doesn’t know how to say no to our son. he once took us to disneyland because our son mentioned wanting to meet peter pan a few days after he said it. we live in the uk so it wasn’t a quick day trip either. our son currently has a fascination with snakes. my husband decided it would be a great idea to buy him one without even asking me. i’m terrified of snakes and he knows that. when he showed us the snake i freaked out and told him to get rid of it. he kept telling me to calm down and that the snake was harmless. our son was obviously delighted with his new friend. once our son had gone to bed, we had a huge fight over the damn snake. the biggest issue was me wanting him to get rid of the snake and him insisting i wouldn’t even know it was here. i admittedly got very upset and accused him of spoiling our son and saying he needed to say no to him which made him upset. he asked me if he also spoiled me since he never said no to me either and claims what he does is harmless and not spoiling our son at all. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my husband is a great dad but he also doesn’t know how to say no to our son. he once took us to disneyland because our son mentioned wanting to meet peter pan a few days after he said it. we live in the uk so it wasn’t a quick day trip either. our son currently has a fascination with snakes. my husband decided it would be a great idea to buy him one without even asking me. i’m terrified of snakes and he knows that. when he showed us the snake i freaked out and told him to get rid of it. he kept telling me to calm down and that the snake was harmless. our son was obviously delighted with his new friend. once our son had gone to bed, we had a huge fight over the damn snake. the biggest issue was me wanting him to get rid of the snake and him insisting i wouldn’t even know it was here. i admittedly got very upset and accused him of spoiling our son and saying he needed to say no to him which made him upset. he asked me if he also spoiled me since he never said no to me either and claims what he does is harmless and not spoiling our son at all. aita? [/INST] nta big purchase to the over priced holiday 2 yeses one no. new pet 2 yeses on no. he isn't a single father he needs to reel it in 40 notches. </s>
AITA for going to the ER without informing my parents?	okay. hello! i’m really worried but. okay. so last night i had to go to the er. i’ve been having abdominal and chest pains for a few days and last night was the night where it. was. the worst. my heart rate failed to decrease this time, my chest was at maximum discomfort, and burned like hell. i could barely breathe, i started growing cold, and i was dazed and confused. i was only there for 2 hours, and i didn’t tell my parents as i live an hour away and my boyfriend literally swept me up and made me go because he was at his wit’s end and worried for my safety. he had been watching me put off any medical intervention for too long because of my parents (both earlier that week and then again last night laughed in my face and told me that it was cute how overdramatic i was being for being in discomfort in front of them) and decided that he’d rather be safe than sorry. i called my mom this morning after shooting her a text explaining the gist of the situation. chest pains, abdominal pains, ow. the works. instead of worrying and asking about how i am now, she yells at me for going to the er and tells me that it’ll be so much money out of her pocket (im on their insurance), that i was just being overdramatic and stupid, and that it was just a glorified panic attack that i mistook for something serious. i have anxiety, yes, and i have ocd that causes frequent panic attacks. whatever i experienced was not a panic attack and even the doctor confirmed that. am i in the wrong?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jif9jn/aita_for_going_to_the_er_without_informing_my/	2020-10-26 14:13:28	nta for going into the er. but are you expecting your mother to pick up whatever portion of the bill insurance doesn't cover? that would be an ah move.	your mother cares more about money than your health and you’re here asking if you’re the asshole? nta, my friend. especially since she’s the one not wanting you to work (and therefore, i assume, getting your own insurance).	well once again as a canadian i can't fathom your health care system..... nta your mom is toxic if this is her response and for the time being until you figure out what the issue is you're best to stop communicating with her. did they send you for a stress test? x ray? heart ultrasounds? echo? not sure how to comment on the insurance part...it just makes me so sad this all has to be a factor.	the real ah is your country's medical system. (assuming us) you felt something is wrong and went to the hospital for it. there's nothing wrong with that. at the same time, you should look into reimbursing your mother for whatever amount she paid out of pocket.	nta - your mother is more concerned with money than your health. would she rather pay funeral costs due to medical neglect? i hope you’re doing better and have a quick recovery.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay. hello! i’m really worried but. okay. so last night i had to go to the er. i’ve been having abdominal and chest pains for a few days and last night was the night where it. was. the worst. my heart rate failed to decrease this time, my chest was at maximum discomfort, and burned like hell. i could barely breathe, i started growing cold, and i was dazed and confused. i was only there for 2 hours, and i didn’t tell my parents as i live an hour away and my boyfriend literally swept me up and made me go because he was at his wit’s end and worried for my safety. he had been watching me put off any medical intervention for too long because of my parents (both earlier that week and then again last night laughed in my face and told me that it was cute how overdramatic i was being for being in discomfort in front of them) and decided that he’d rather be safe than sorry. i called my mom this morning after shooting her a text explaining the gist of the situation. chest pains, abdominal pains, ow. the works. instead of worrying and asking about how i am now, she yells at me for going to the er and tells me that it’ll be so much money out of her pocket (im on their insurance), that i was just being overdramatic and stupid, and that it was just a glorified panic attack that i mistook for something serious. i have anxiety, yes, and i have ocd that causes frequent panic attacks. whatever i experienced was not a panic attack and even the doctor confirmed that. am i in the wrong?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> okay. hello! i’m really worried but. okay. so last night i had to go to the er. i’ve been having abdominal and chest pains for a few days and last night was the night where it. was. the worst. my heart rate failed to decrease this time, my chest was at maximum discomfort, and burned like hell. i could barely breathe, i started growing cold, and i was dazed and confused. i was only there for 2 hours, and i didn’t tell my parents as i live an hour away and my boyfriend literally swept me up and made me go because he was at his wit’s end and worried for my safety. he had been watching me put off any medical intervention for too long because of my parents (both earlier that week and then again last night laughed in my face and told me that it was cute how overdramatic i was being for being in discomfort in front of them) and decided that he’d rather be safe than sorry. i called my mom this morning after shooting her a text explaining the gist of the situation. chest pains, abdominal pains, ow. the works. instead of worrying and asking about how i am now, she yells at me for going to the er and tells me that it’ll be so much money out of her pocket (im on their insurance), that i was just being overdramatic and stupid, and that it was just a glorified panic attack that i mistook for something serious. i have anxiety, yes, and i have ocd that causes frequent panic attacks. whatever i experienced was not a panic attack and even the doctor confirmed that. am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta for going into the er. but are you expecting your mother to pick up whatever portion of the bill insurance doesn't cover? that would be an ah move. </s>
AITA for refusing to let my mother read my writings?	i (16f) love to write, i've always loved to. i have over 400 novellas in my native language (unpublished) that i've written over the past two years. i write everyday, and i enjoy doing so. but i don't like to share, i prefer keeping everything in my life to myself. my mother had noticed before through my school essays and talking to my teachers that i have a gift for writing, and ever since she'd been snooping around on my laptop (my prefered device for writing) to try reading some so i put a password. recently, she's been demanding to read my works and i've been refusing, but she still demands it and says that as a mother, she would like to read what i'm writing because she's reading the works of people she doesn't know and she would rather read her daughter's. there's no way i could allow anyone to read my novellas, it even takes me great determination to submit a school essay because i feel like through writing, i'm exposing a piece of myself and thoughts. i feel a little bad for mom, i love her and i know she's only trying to support me, but i really don't feel comfortable sharing what i write. aita for refusing to let my mom read my writings?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihthvs/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_mother_read_my/	2020-08-27 21:01:31	nta. it's up to you to decide whether you want to share your work or not. her snooping around on your laptop makes her ta here. i get that she wants to read her daughter's work, but that is no excuse for an invasion of privacy.	nta-these are your personal writings and you choose who can read them. you're right, writers put pieces of their very being in their writing, it can feel very intrusive if someone else reads it. i will say though, if this is something you want to do professionally, you're going to have to get used to other people reading and also critiquing your writing. but your mom has no right demanding to read your stuff. hope you have a strong password and it's not just your pet's name or something	nta. it sounds like your novellas are like a journal to you, and your mom asking to see them still counts as invasion of privacy.	nta - your mother does not understand how invasive she is being - if you have a sympathetic instructor at school perhaps they could explain to her why budding writers prefer to keep their works private. if your mother continues to try to get at your writings, i suggest moving them to an online site and password protected there as well, with no link to that site on your computer.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16f) love to write, i've always loved to. i have over 400 novellas in my native language (unpublished) that i've written over the past two years. i write everyday, and i enjoy doing so. but i don't like to share, i prefer keeping everything in my life to myself. my mother had noticed before through my school essays and talking to my teachers that i have a gift for writing, and ever since she'd been snooping around on my laptop (my prefered device for writing) to try reading some so i put a password. recently, she's been demanding to read my works and i've been refusing, but she still demands it and says that as a mother, she would like to read what i'm writing because she's reading the works of people she doesn't know and she would rather read her daughter's. there's no way i could allow anyone to read my novellas, it even takes me great determination to submit a school essay because i feel like through writing, i'm exposing a piece of myself and thoughts. i feel a little bad for mom, i love her and i know she's only trying to support me, but i really don't feel comfortable sharing what i write. aita for refusing to let my mom read my writings?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (16f) love to write, i've always loved to. i have over 400 novellas in my native language (unpublished) that i've written over the past two years. i write everyday, and i enjoy doing so. but i don't like to share, i prefer keeping everything in my life to myself. my mother had noticed before through my school essays and talking to my teachers that i have a gift for writing, and ever since she'd been snooping around on my laptop (my prefered device for writing) to try reading some so i put a password. recently, she's been demanding to read my works and i've been refusing, but she still demands it and says that as a mother, she would like to read what i'm writing because she's reading the works of people she doesn't know and she would rather read her daughter's. there's no way i could allow anyone to read my novellas, it even takes me great determination to submit a school essay because i feel like through writing, i'm exposing a piece of myself and thoughts. i feel a little bad for mom, i love her and i know she's only trying to support me, but i really don't feel comfortable sharing what i write. aita for refusing to let my mom read my writings? [/INST] nta. it's up to you to decide whether you want to share your work or not. her snooping around on your laptop makes her ta here. i get that she wants to read her daughter's work, but that is no excuse for an invasion of privacy. </s>
AITA for leaving my friend group after they got mad at me.	backstory: i used to have a group of friends and we used to play a lot of counter strike and valorant together. i'll be honest- i'm not amazing at counter-strike, more of a decent player with days when i play really good and some days when i'm not at my best. my friends are not the most supportive people. they pick on each of my moves, abusing me if i make a tiny mistake and forcing me to play in their style when i'm the last person alive. they threaten to kick me from the game and never play with me ever again, even if my score is above them. also, my friends are not perfect at the game and generally die before me. i recently started playing alone and realized that i'm improving rapidly without them. i played better when i was calm and not being judges on every single one of my moves. the random people i played with were much more supportive and understanding, not hammering me on my mistakes. i showed my friends how i played when i was much calmer and if they want me to improve, they're going to have to be calm with me, not screaming at me on the top of their lungs. the surprising thing was that they did not believe me when i told them that i played really well without them, their reaction was "you will stay shit forever unless you play with us". i gave them proof that i ranked up and they did not believe me. their excuse was that i matchmaked against noob players without them, and when i play with them, i play against pros. we are all in the same rank group so what they said isn't true. i finally told them that i was sick of them judging my playing style and abusing me every time. i told them that instead of focusing on my mistakes, they should focus on themselves. i left the group (it is a whatsapp one) and told them im never playing with them again. they got pissed at me. i am feeling bad for what i did and i shouldnt have left the group. am i the asshole here?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3gbdz/aita_for_leaving_my_friend_group_after_they_got/	2020-08-04 09:38:19	nta. your friends are toxic. you are better off without them.	nta. your friends are a mess.	nta. sounds like your friends were toxic and that toxicity affected u. true ur friends might have known u better than random ppl who showed some support but true friends don't threaten or turn their backs on u. i feel like maybe it was time to let go and if they're really ur friends they'll reach out one way or another. and i don't blame u for feeling bad. they were the friends u knew. but doesn't mean u can't make new ones right	nta gaming should be fun and enjoyable and even if you're aiming for pro stats you need to be in the right mental state if you're getting shat on by your squad for not improving when you really are time for a new squad.	nta - you calmly explained that you weren't happy with how they were treating you and laid out how you wished to be treated. they didn't listen or even try, so why would you put yourself through that. i get that some gamers have a pretty harsh sense of humour and they may not have actually been maliciously intended comments but their intent doesn't matter once you've alerted them that you're not ok with it but they continue anyway. these people don't sound like "friends"	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory: i used to have a group of friends and we used to play a lot of counter strike and valorant together. i'll be honest- i'm not amazing at counter-strike, more of a decent player with days when i play really good and some days when i'm not at my best. my friends are not the most supportive people. they pick on each of my moves, abusing me if i make a tiny mistake and forcing me to play in their style when i'm the last person alive. they threaten to kick me from the game and never play with me ever again, even if my score is above them. also, my friends are not perfect at the game and generally die before me. i recently started playing alone and realized that i'm improving rapidly without them. i played better when i was calm and not being judges on every single one of my moves. the random people i played with were much more supportive and understanding, not hammering me on my mistakes. i showed my friends how i played when i was much calmer and if they want me to improve, they're going to have to be calm with me, not screaming at me on the top of their lungs. the surprising thing was that they did not believe me when i told them that i played really well without them, their reaction was "you will stay shit forever unless you play with us". i gave them proof that i ranked up and they did not believe me. their excuse was that i matchmaked against noob players without them, and when i play with them, i play against pros. we are all in the same rank group so what they said isn't true. i finally told them that i was sick of them judging my playing style and abusing me every time. i told them that instead of focusing on my mistakes, they should focus on themselves. i left the group (it is a whatsapp one) and told them im never playing with them again. they got pissed at me. i am feeling bad for what i did and i shouldnt have left the group. am i the asshole here?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> backstory: i used to have a group of friends and we used to play a lot of counter strike and valorant together. i'll be honest- i'm not amazing at counter-strike, more of a decent player with days when i play really good and some days when i'm not at my best. my friends are not the most supportive people. they pick on each of my moves, abusing me if i make a tiny mistake and forcing me to play in their style when i'm the last person alive. they threaten to kick me from the game and never play with me ever again, even if my score is above them. also, my friends are not perfect at the game and generally die before me. i recently started playing alone and realized that i'm improving rapidly without them. i played better when i was calm and not being judges on every single one of my moves. the random people i played with were much more supportive and understanding, not hammering me on my mistakes. i showed my friends how i played when i was much calmer and if they want me to improve, they're going to have to be calm with me, not screaming at me on the top of their lungs. the surprising thing was that they did not believe me when i told them that i played really well without them, their reaction was "you will stay shit forever unless you play with us". i gave them proof that i ranked up and they did not believe me. their excuse was that i matchmaked against noob players without them, and when i play with them, i play against pros. we are all in the same rank group so what they said isn't true. i finally told them that i was sick of them judging my playing style and abusing me every time. i told them that instead of focusing on my mistakes, they should focus on themselves. i left the group (it is a whatsapp one) and told them im never playing with them again. they got pissed at me. i am feeling bad for what i did and i shouldnt have left the group. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. your friends are toxic. you are better off without them. </s>
AITA not wanting my boyfriend to go to the forest with my best friend	my boyfriend and i have been together less than a year. with lockdown were havnt been able to see each other at all as i went with my parents a few hours away. he lives a 20 min drive from my best friend. they hadn't met up before lockdown and i was the one who introduced them. a few days ago they met up so he could help her with her cv. i was a bit lonely and emotional that day. i think i jsut didn't sleep enough and that effected my judgment. so at the end my friend sent me a message saying my boyfriend offered to take her and show her a local forest nearby. i was unsure about this, and was honestly feeling jealous and insecure about their relationship. when she sent this message me and my boyfriend had gotten into a argument about something else. so i didn't reply to her for a while as i needed time to cool down. after a while she got worried that she may have upset me. she started to sya that she didn't have to go to the forest with him. when i calmed down and replied that the reason i didn't message her was because i had a small unrelated argument and had to calm down. she was okay but was mentioning that she will back out. i messaged her saying that it was okay for her to go. i did say i was a little upset about her going there with her because he had promised to take me there. but i told her it was her choice and i was happy for her to go if she wanted. she decided not to go. when she told my boyfriend we got into another argument. he felt i was preventing him from spending time with friends. i did end up having a talk with my friend and she explained she had no feelings for him, which did really help as i was feeling a bit insecure about how much time they spent together. she felt i was justified in this, but i feel like i'm the ta for bringing my emotions into this and stopping him from having fun.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/haqc1o/aita_not_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_go_to_the_forest/	2020-06-17 12:39:57	nta. your boyfriend is the asshole. sorry but it’s a red flag for me if i find out that my boyfriend is asking my girl bestfriend to join him in the forest. it’s so fishy.	just wanted to pop in and offer a bravo for correctly identifying your emotions and being honest about them with yourself and your friend. that’s not always easy to do, and something to be proud of.	nta. he should have talked about it with you first, seems weird of him.	nta. i wouldn't want to make my partner uncomfortable. i'm not talking about spending time with friends, but inviting someone you barely know(not sure about this but they didn't know each other before lockdown) to a forest and not telling your partner in the first place. maybe he has no bad intentions but it's understandable to feel uncomfortable about this.	nta ~~most likely~~, but what's the deal with this forest? if they are both super into running or biking and have a planned activity you might be overreacting. if this is a known romantic date/ sex forest you are totally ok in not liking the idea.	nta. honestly she is your best friend and there is no reason for your boyfriend to take her to a forest, instead of a cafe or other public place. there also needs to be a line drawn here, it is fine for your best friend and boyfriend to get alone but they shouldn't be hanging out without you or having private conversations. my gut is telling me that there is more going on. maybe he has feelings for her, one sided, or that they are going behind your back. this post wasn't about him having female friends, it was about your boyfriend wanting to take your best friend on a trip into a forest. without you. then him getting angry when you express your feelings about the situation	[deleted]	this seems odd to me....why go into a forest? and why could you not be there?	nta and she’s a good friend. on the other hand, the fact your friend could understand but not your boyfriend seems like a red flag imo. why is he so angry he couldn’t go in a forest he promised to take you while being with another girl? i would ask him that, it’s not like you prevented him to go hiking with his best friend, you said you weren’t comfortable with him going there with your best friend instead of you.	nta- to be honest i think it’s pretty weird that your boyfriend was trying to hangout with her one on one in the woods, especially if they didn’t know each other before you. i also think it’s weird that he got mad at you for her not going. it’s all around sketchy on his part	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i have been together less than a year. with lockdown were havnt been able to see each other at all as i went with my parents a few hours away. he lives a 20 min drive from my best friend. they hadn't met up before lockdown and i was the one who introduced them. a few days ago they met up so he could help her with her cv. i was a bit lonely and emotional that day. i think i jsut didn't sleep enough and that effected my judgment. so at the end my friend sent me a message saying my boyfriend offered to take her and show her a local forest nearby. i was unsure about this, and was honestly feeling jealous and insecure about their relationship. when she sent this message me and my boyfriend had gotten into a argument about something else. so i didn't reply to her for a while as i needed time to cool down. after a while she got worried that she may have upset me. she started to sya that she didn't have to go to the forest with him. when i calmed down and replied that the reason i didn't message her was because i had a small unrelated argument and had to calm down. she was okay but was mentioning that she will back out. i messaged her saying that it was okay for her to go. i did say i was a little upset about her going there with her because he had promised to take me there. but i told her it was her choice and i was happy for her to go if she wanted. she decided not to go. when she told my boyfriend we got into another argument. he felt i was preventing him from spending time with friends. i did end up having a talk with my friend and she explained she had no feelings for him, which did really help as i was feeling a bit insecure about how much time they spent together. she felt i was justified in this, but i feel like i'm the ta for bringing my emotions into this and stopping him from having fun.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend and i have been together less than a year. with lockdown were havnt been able to see each other at all as i went with my parents a few hours away. he lives a 20 min drive from my best friend. they hadn't met up before lockdown and i was the one who introduced them. a few days ago they met up so he could help her with her cv. i was a bit lonely and emotional that day. i think i jsut didn't sleep enough and that effected my judgment. so at the end my friend sent me a message saying my boyfriend offered to take her and show her a local forest nearby. i was unsure about this, and was honestly feeling jealous and insecure about their relationship. when she sent this message me and my boyfriend had gotten into a argument about something else. so i didn't reply to her for a while as i needed time to cool down. after a while she got worried that she may have upset me. she started to sya that she didn't have to go to the forest with him. when i calmed down and replied that the reason i didn't message her was because i had a small unrelated argument and had to calm down. she was okay but was mentioning that she will back out. i messaged her saying that it was okay for her to go. i did say i was a little upset about her going there with her because he had promised to take me there. but i told her it was her choice and i was happy for her to go if she wanted. she decided not to go. when she told my boyfriend we got into another argument. he felt i was preventing him from spending time with friends. i did end up having a talk with my friend and she explained she had no feelings for him, which did really help as i was feeling a bit insecure about how much time they spent together. she felt i was justified in this, but i feel like i'm the ta for bringing my emotions into this and stopping him from having fun. [/INST] nta. your boyfriend is the asshole. sorry but it’s a red flag for me if i find out that my boyfriend is asking my girl bestfriend to join him in the forest. it’s so fishy. </s>
AITA if I try to reduce my ex’s custody of our kid when he moves 75km away?	my ex-spouse (paul, 38m) and i equally share custody of our son (sam, 10m). we didn’t always (i had sam most of the time for the 3 prior years), but this has been the arrangement for 2 years. to facilitate this, we agreed to live within a 60 min commute of sam’s school. when we agreed to this, paul lived a 60 min bus/walk from school so it made sense. that got tiring and paul moved a 5 min drive from school (3km). i live 2 blocks from school (350m). sam has anxiety and has a counselor (ben) who he trusts and has been seeing for over a year. paul won’t take sam to see ben because he doesn’t like counselors but he agreed sam can go as long as i facilitate the sessions and pay for it (i have good insurance). fast forward to november. sam was having a session and ben called me in because he said sam wanted to talk to both of us. sam told us paul had been living with him in an airbnb all month in a town 75km away on a winding mountain highway, they had to leave at 7:30am to reach school at 9am, paul didn’t want me to know about this which is why sam didn’t tell me sooner, paul said they were moving there soon, and sam didn’t want to go to school from there but felt unable to tell paul because paul was too excited. he asked if ben or i could tell paul his concerns. we were shocked but ben and i assured sam that the adults would handle this. turns out paul does intend to move to this town. he says it’s within the 60 mins we agreed on because google maps shows it as “60 mins to 1h and 20 mins”. in perfect weather and light pandemic traffic it is about 60 mins, but it’s a winding mountain highway prone to accidents and winter weather and the drive outside of the pandemic is more like 1.5 hours, much more if the highway closed for an accident. i think 3 hrs round trip is too far for sam to commute to school half the time. i also thought the spirit of the 60 mins agreement was to accommodate walking and transit, not another city entirely. i think sam would be tired with the earlier wake ups, he’d be continually late for school, and how would be feel driving 3 hours a day when my house is visible from school? paul maintains that this is fine and refuses to talk to me or ben about it. but i think if paul wants to move there he needs to give up having sam half the time, especially since the reason for the move isn’t sam, it’s that paul wants to buy a house since interest rates are low. i said one idea would be for him to take sam on alternate weekends during school and increase his holiday time with sam to over 50% to compensate. paul got very upset. he thinks i’m wrong to prioritize school and the commute over sam continuing to have equal time with paul. when he puts it like that, it makes me question myself. ben agrees with me though that this isn’t healthy for sam. but what do you guys think, aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lete9c/aita_if_i_try_to_reduce_my_exs_custody_of_our_kid/	2021-02-07 19:23:58	nta. traveling for 3 hours a day just for school is very very inconvenient especially if you live that close sam is still young so probably doesn’t have a lot of studying or extracurricular yet but as he grows older it’s going to get worse. plus it’s not like you’re asking for full custody, paul will still get to see his son in an arrangement that’s more comfortable to sam in my opinion paul is being very selfish and thinking only about himself and not considering what is good for sam		[deleted]	seriously lawyer up. trust ben. listen to your gut. stop being such a damn pushover and fight for what's best for your son.	i think it's time to see a solicitor. your son is old enough that his feelings on custody should be considered by a court.	nta go to court. > paul won’t take sam to see ben because he doesn’t like counselors but he agreed sam can go as long as i facilitate the sessions and pay for it depending on your custody agreement he may have to pay his share of counseling fees. when you go to court, bring all receipts for counseling.	nta for trying, but this should be left to family court.	nta - go back to court, bring ben as a witness to the amount of stress this would add	nta. you’re just trying to do what’s best for your son. parenting requires sacrifice. your ex isn’t willing to sacrifice a house he wants in order to keep your son’s life as non-stressful as possible. the fact that he kept this from you to begin with and you had to hear it from your son points to the fact that your ex knew it would cause conflict. your son expressed that these new circumstances would cause him stress, so you’re not projecting or assuming anything. i think weekends would be a good idea.	null	NTA	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex-spouse (paul, 38m) and i equally share custody of our son (sam, 10m). we didn’t always (i had sam most of the time for the 3 prior years), but this has been the arrangement for 2 years. to facilitate this, we agreed to live within a 60 min commute of sam’s school. when we agreed to this, paul lived a 60 min bus/walk from school so it made sense. that got tiring and paul moved a 5 min drive from school (3km). i live 2 blocks from school (350m). sam has anxiety and has a counselor (ben) who he trusts and has been seeing for over a year. paul won’t take sam to see ben because he doesn’t like counselors but he agreed sam can go as long as i facilitate the sessions and pay for it (i have good insurance). fast forward to november. sam was having a session and ben called me in because he said sam wanted to talk to both of us. sam told us paul had been living with him in an airbnb all month in a town 75km away on a winding mountain highway, they had to leave at 7:30am to reach school at 9am, paul didn’t want me to know about this which is why sam didn’t tell me sooner, paul said they were moving there soon, and sam didn’t want to go to school from there but felt unable to tell paul because paul was too excited. he asked if ben or i could tell paul his concerns. we were shocked but ben and i assured sam that the adults would handle this. turns out paul does intend to move to this town. he says it’s within the 60 mins we agreed on because google maps shows it as “60 mins to 1h and 20 mins”. in perfect weather and light pandemic traffic it is about 60 mins, but it’s a winding mountain highway prone to accidents and winter weather and the drive outside of the pandemic is more like 1.5 hours, much more if the highway closed for an accident. i think 3 hrs round trip is too far for sam to commute to school half the time. i also thought the spirit of the 60 mins agreement was to accommodate walking and transit, not another city entirely. i think sam would be tired with the earlier wake ups, he’d be continually late for school, and how would be feel driving 3 hours a day when my house is visible* from school? paul maintains that this is fine and refuses to talk to me or ben about it. but i think if paul wants to move there he needs to give up having sam half the time, especially since the reason for the move isn’t sam, it’s that paul wants to buy a house since interest rates are low. i said one idea would be for him to take sam on alternate weekends during school and increase his holiday time with sam to over 50% to compensate. paul got very upset. he thinks i’m wrong to prioritize school and the commute over sam continuing to have equal time with paul. when he puts it like that, it makes me question myself. ben agrees with me though that this isn’t healthy for sam. but what do you guys think, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my ex-spouse (paul, 38m) and i equally share custody of our son (sam, 10m). we didn’t always (i had sam most of the time for the 3 prior years), but this has been the arrangement for 2 years. to facilitate this, we agreed to live within a 60 min commute of sam’s school. when we agreed to this, paul lived a 60 min bus/walk from school so it made sense. that got tiring and paul moved a 5 min drive from school (3km). i live 2 blocks from school (350m). sam has anxiety and has a counselor (ben) who he trusts and has been seeing for over a year. paul won’t take sam to see ben because he doesn’t like counselors but he agreed sam can go as long as i facilitate the sessions and pay for it (i have good insurance). fast forward to november. sam was having a session and ben called me in because he said sam wanted to talk to both of us. sam told us paul had been living with him in an airbnb all month in a town 75km away on a winding mountain highway, they had to leave at 7:30am to reach school at 9am, paul didn’t want me to know about this which is why sam didn’t tell me sooner, paul said they were moving there soon, and sam didn’t want to go to school from there but felt unable to tell paul because paul was too excited. he asked if ben or i could tell paul his concerns. we were shocked but ben and i assured sam that the adults would handle this. turns out paul does intend to move to this town. he says it’s within the 60 mins we agreed on because google maps shows it as “60 mins to 1h and 20 mins”. in perfect weather and light pandemic traffic it is about 60 mins, but it’s a winding mountain highway prone to accidents and winter weather and the drive outside of the pandemic is more like 1.5 hours, much more if the highway closed for an accident. i think 3 hrs round trip is too far for sam to commute to school half the time. i also thought the spirit of the 60 mins agreement was to accommodate walking and transit, not another city entirely. i think sam would be tired with the earlier wake ups, he’d be continually late for school, and how would be feel driving 3 hours a day when my house is visible* from school? paul maintains that this is fine and refuses to talk to me or ben about it. but i think if paul wants to move there he needs to give up having sam half the time, especially since the reason for the move isn’t sam, it’s that paul wants to buy a house since interest rates are low. i said one idea would be for him to take sam on alternate weekends during school and increase his holiday time with sam to over 50% to compensate. paul got very upset. he thinks i’m wrong to prioritize school and the commute over sam continuing to have equal time with paul. when he puts it like that, it makes me question myself. ben agrees with me though that this isn’t healthy for sam. but what do you guys think, aita? [/INST] nta. traveling for 3 hours a day just for school is very very inconvenient especially if you live that close sam is still young so probably doesn’t have a lot of studying or extracurricular yet but as he grows older it’s going to get worse. plus it’s not like you’re asking for full custody, paul will still get to see his son in an arrangement that’s more comfortable to sam in my opinion paul is being very selfish and thinking only about himself and not considering what is good for sam </s>
AITA for not helping my girlfriend with the dishes?	we both had bad days with work. in her case the firm is adopting a new client software system and she was tasked with running it. she also complained about one of her seniors being a bitch to her again. on top of that she has university assignments and exams starting at the end of the month. so basically she was feeling very overwhelmed. in my case i just had a really long day at work and was dead tired most of the day due to studying late as i'm already in the middle of my exams (we're both working full time and studying). so admittedly not as bad as my girlfriend's. that night after i already washed the morning's dishes when i came home, cooked dinner and helped her with her work i went upstairs to watch a little tv. after a while i heard her washing the dishes and didn't think much of it as there wasn't a lot (2 pans, 2 plates and cutlery). when she was done she came upstairs then very angrily and sarcastically said "thanks for helping with the dishes" an argument ensued where she said that i was wrong for not taking the initiative to helping her as i was just watching tv. i argued that i didn't think she needed help as there weren't a lot of dishes. she then again brought up that in her previous relationship her boyfriend never really helped her or took initiative and she didn't want that in this relationship. this is where i got a bit upset because i'm constantly helping around the house by cooking, washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, tidying up, etc without her asking me to do it. so long story short she started crying and i apologised, but i still don't think i'm in the wrong.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qsavnw/aita_for_not_helping_my_girlfriend_with_the_dishes/	2021-11-12 13:12:09	nah - it's not your job to make up for experiences in past relationships but it is your job to communicate. you guys just need to talk this one out and realize that it's not a big deal and that you both share the responsibilities. take one for the team every now and again.	nah. everyone’s stressed. no big deal	nta. if she wanted help with the dishes, she should have asked. passive aggressively doing the dishes and then getting angry at you for not helping is unhealthy behavior. i hope she realizes this and apologizes when she has time to relax after her shitty day. you shouldn't have had to apologize.	nta. you two are clearly both overwhelmed and overworked and it’s going to rub you raw emotionally as well. her current stress is probably only worsened by anything going on at home that needs to be done (even something simple as dishes) and that is probably why insecurities about her previous relationship are pushing their way into her mind. she shouldn’t have snapped at you the way she did, but people aren’t perfect. you two could probably benefit from some relaxing, stress-free quality time together.	nah. life is so fucking hard. just do your best to be extra kind to the people you're closest to because sometimes that could be the only piece of kindness they get for the day. more importantly, plotting to create an act of kindness for other people feeds the giver as well as the person who receives the gift. good luck.	if you live there, it's not "helping her", it's called cleaning your house that you help mess up. she needs to stop blaming you for her ex's mistakes. you already washed the morning dishes, so it seems fair that she takes the next set, as long as it's not disproportionately huge. you two need to talk about this a bit and decided to how to divvy up chores without feeling resentful. nta.	nta she was extremely unfair and manipulative by comparing you to her ex’s. you had already done dishes, cooked her dinner and helped her with work. washing 4 bigger items and some cutlery is nothing. furthermore, she’s an adult, if she wants help she needs to talk to you about it. not make some passive aggressive comment after the fact.	you contribute to the household, cooking, cleaning, bills, etc... you cooked and she expected you to do the dishes also? nta though, she was probably feeling overwhelmed from having a bad day and took it out on you.	null	null	NAH	NAH	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0.00851	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we both had bad days with work. in her case the firm is adopting a new client software system and she was tasked with running it. she also complained about one of her seniors being a bitch to her again. on top of that she has university assignments and exams starting at the end of the month. so basically she was feeling very overwhelmed. in my case i just had a really long day at work and was dead tired most of the day due to studying late as i'm already in the middle of my exams (we're both working full time and studying). so admittedly not as bad as my girlfriend's. that night after i already washed the morning's dishes when i came home, cooked dinner and helped her with her work i went upstairs to watch a little tv. after a while i heard her washing the dishes and didn't think much of it as there wasn't a lot (2 pans, 2 plates and cutlery). when she was done she came upstairs then very angrily and sarcastically said "thanks for helping with the dishes" an argument ensued where she said that i was wrong for not taking the initiative to helping her as i was just watching tv. i argued that i didn't think she needed help as there weren't a lot of dishes. she then again brought up that in her previous relationship her boyfriend never really helped her or took initiative and she didn't want that in this relationship. this is where i got a bit upset because i'm constantly helping around the house by cooking, washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, tidying up, etc without her asking me to do it. so long story short she started crying and i apologised, but i still don't think i'm in the wrong.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> we both had bad days with work. in her case the firm is adopting a new client software system and she was tasked with running it. she also complained about one of her seniors being a bitch to her again. on top of that she has university assignments and exams starting at the end of the month. so basically she was feeling very overwhelmed. in my case i just had a really long day at work and was dead tired most of the day due to studying late as i'm already in the middle of my exams (we're both working full time and studying). so admittedly not as bad as my girlfriend's. that night after i already washed the morning's dishes when i came home, cooked dinner and helped her with her work i went upstairs to watch a little tv. after a while i heard her washing the dishes and didn't think much of it as there wasn't a lot (2 pans, 2 plates and cutlery). when she was done she came upstairs then very angrily and sarcastically said "thanks for helping with the dishes" an argument ensued where she said that i was wrong for not taking the initiative to helping her as i was just watching tv. i argued that i didn't think she needed help as there weren't a lot of dishes. she then again brought up that in her previous relationship her boyfriend never really helped her or took initiative and she didn't want that in this relationship. this is where i got a bit upset because i'm constantly helping around the house by cooking, washing the dishes, sweeping the floors, tidying up, etc without her asking me to do it. so long story short she started crying and i apologised, but i still don't think i'm in the wrong. [/INST] nah - it's not your job to make up for experiences in past relationships but it is your job to communicate. you guys just need to talk this one out and realize that it's not a big deal and that you both share the responsibilities. take one for the team every now and again. </s>
Aita for choosing to watch a film with my cat instead of bf?	he asked me what i was going to do, i said i'm going to watch a film, it's my guilty pleasure. he asked, are you going to watch it with someone? i said, i'm going to watch it with my cat. he says that's not "someone". i say, "fine i'm watching alone". he asks, do you want to watch it with me? we live close by. he's been here before. i say no, because it's my guilty pleasure and if he doesn't like it then it's going to ruin it for me. he said, you can watch it with your cat but not me? i say, "but you said that's not someone" he says, "whatever, watch the damn movie, just next time don't tell me you're going to do something you won't invite me to" i said, you asked me what i was doing and he just sent me the shrugging emoji and left. we're pretty new in the relationship. i thought this would be grounds for a breakup. i talked to my friend about it. she said you should have just invited him. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oll0pt/aita_for_choosing_to_watch_a_film_with_my_cat/	2021-07-16 16:59:51	nah. he was subtly asking you to hang out and you missed the cue. that made him feel rejected, so he pushed you away. which made you feel defensive of your alone time. neither of you are assholes, you’re just miscommunicating and both accidentally hurting each other.	nah. personally this sounds like an issues of indirect vs direct conversation. your bf asked what are you going to do but meant are you free to spend some time with me. when you said you were going to watch a film, he asked are you going to watch it with someone but meant can i come over and watch it with you. this is when he was finally direct with you and got an answer that admittedly came off as dismissive and childish from your end. you were responding directly to his questions. but he was hearing an indirect response - that you didn't want to watch the film with him and therefore didn't want to spend time with him. so he was hurt. it's totally cool to want to have alone time and do things by yourself. i'll be honest, i absolutely hate indirect communication for this very reason. for the indirect communicator, the responses you gave seem like they are being toyed with and come off as extra hurtful when they aren't meant to be. if you want to be in a relationship with this person you guys have to discuss how to communicate. typically indirect communicators are the one that have to change which can be very difficult for them. if this ends up being a deal-breaker thats ok. better to be with someone that you understand ya know?	nta you don’t have to justify if you want to do things alone, you’re still your own person and don’t have to spend every breathing moment with your bf. however, you both seem to have a communication error. bf expecting you to invite him instead of expressing he would like to spend the evening with you and you (maybe) not communicating your alone time properly.	nta - your cat will talk less and the petting that it will want won't disrupt the movie	nta it's perfectly fine to do things alone. also, he literally asked what you were doing. why is that guy so clingy?	did you explain to him that it’s your guilty pleasure and why you don’t want to watch with anyone? if you did and he can’t understand that then you’re nta, but if you didn’t explain it then i would say you are. not that you have to explain yourself to anyone, but in relationships communication is key. 🤷🏻‍♀️	[deleted]	null	null	null	NAH	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.006547	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: he asked me what i was going to do, i said i'm going to watch a film, it's my guilty pleasure. he asked, are you going to watch it with someone? i said, i'm going to watch it with my cat. he says that's not "someone". i say, "fine i'm watching alone". he asks, do you want to watch it with me? we live close by. he's been here before. i say no, because it's my guilty pleasure and if he doesn't like it then it's going to ruin it for me. he said, you can watch it with your cat but not me? i say, "but you said that's not someone" he says, "whatever, watch the damn movie, just next time don't tell me you're going to do something you won't invite me to" i said, you asked me what i was doing and he just sent me the shrugging emoji and left. we're pretty new in the relationship. i thought this would be grounds for a breakup. i talked to my friend about it. she said you should have just invited him. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> he asked me what i was going to do, i said i'm going to watch a film, it's my guilty pleasure. he asked, are you going to watch it with someone? i said, i'm going to watch it with my cat. he says that's not "someone". i say, "fine i'm watching alone". he asks, do you want to watch it with me? we live close by. he's been here before. i say no, because it's my guilty pleasure and if he doesn't like it then it's going to ruin it for me. he said, you can watch it with your cat but not me? i say, "but you said that's not someone" he says, "whatever, watch the damn movie, just next time don't tell me you're going to do something you won't invite me to" i said, you asked me what i was doing and he just sent me the shrugging emoji and left. we're pretty new in the relationship. i thought this would be grounds for a breakup. i talked to my friend about it. she said you should have just invited him. aita? [/INST] nah. he was subtly asking you to hang out and you missed the cue. that made him feel rejected, so he pushed you away. which made you feel defensive of your alone time. neither of you are assholes, you’re just miscommunicating and both accidentally hurting each other. </s>
AITA for making my gf pay the utilities and not contributing more to our living expenses even though I make significantly more than her?	i (37m) am currently living with my girlfriend (29f). before moving in together, she was paying $3000/m for rent and utilities while i own my own house. when we decided to move in together, we agreed that i continue to be responsible for the mortgage payments as the house is in my name and she’ll pay the utilities (about $500/m). we also agreed to divide all living expenses equally. we decided to keep our finances separate as we are dating. she works as a nurse and while i’m not going to get into her finances, let’s just say her salary is more than enough to comfortably pay for the utilities and her portion of the living expenses. so much so that she has healthy savings and retirement fund given her age. i own my own blue collar business (think landscaping, construction, janitorial, moving, etc.). while she knows i make more than her and given my business, have some rental properties, i’ve never went into great details about my income and assets as we’re only dating. obviously i will be much more open with my finances if we get engaged and completely open with it if we get married. i’m just not comfortable with opening my books to a girlfriend just in case things don’t work out. even though i make more than her, i live well below my means. my house is a smaller one in a middle class neighborhood. i drive a 7 yo truck, i dress in normal clothes, i have normal electronics (no high end stuff), and fly economy to vacation at normal destinations. in fact, i buy most of my personal stuff on sale and rarely buy anything at full price. this has allowed me to build up my savings and assets. anyways, things hit the fan yesterday. i have a financial advisor who handles my investments, a private accountant who does my taxes, and a property management company that handles my rental properties. i regularly get mailed documents from them and was reading over some of these documents in my home office yesterday. i left them on my desk when i went out to run some errands. i came back to a pissed off girlfriend. i guess at some point she went into my office for something and read the documents. she was holding the papers and yelling at me why i didn’t tell her how much i make. we got into an argument and it all became a blur and i don’t remember what was exactly said. basically she found out i make many times her income so she thinks i’m greedy for making her pay the utilities and living expenses. i think she’s overreacting and being ridiculous for expecting to live free of charge anywhere. i pointed out that even if she wasn’t with me, she would have to pay the utilities and living expenses no matter where she lives. last night she slept in our bedroom and i slept on the couch in the office. i don’t know if i’m the asshole.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yf7ant/aita_for_making_my_gf_pay_the_utilities_and_not/	2022-10-27 23:42:53	nta if she hadn’t moved in with you she’d be paying 3000.00 a month and she’s complaining about 500.00? time to ask her to leave.	nta the way you structured things, your gf is paying the equivalent of $250 in rent and half the utilities to live in your home. that's a steaming deal. she's not your dependent and you aren't married to each other. she has no right to live in your home for free. tell your gf that if she can find someplace cheaper to live, you'll understand if she wants to move out. also, if you get married in the future, get a prenup.	nta. you had a fair agreement. tell her to move out. from here on she will be a gold digger and your relationship is winding down.	nta. you had an arrangement and she went full berserk. would be ok to second guess the arrangement, but yelling... sounds like a gold digger. from what you have seen, what would you expect in a marriage? reasonable discussions? \[edit\] to clarify: this is assuming op did not push for asymmetrical info and gf gave that info on her own. otherwise, it would be a lot less positive.	i think you moved in together way too early. you say that you are “dating” but, living together is far more than dating. you put the cart before the horse. i would expect far more transparency with finances for a couple contemplating moving in together, while your level of financial secrecy is more of a “just dating” couple. yta	leaning n t a but, info: how much is your girlfriend paying overall? also, had you agreed to not share your financial information? or are you just withholding/misrepresenting how much you make from her. only asking because you seem to know lots about her finances, and she seems not to know yours.	esh yall aren't "only" dating you're living together. that is a lot more serious. yall should be talking about your finances and expectations. not hiding things from each other which apparently youve hidden a lot of things. she sucks for yelling. you suck for hiding you're circumstances and treating her like she's just a roommate.	nah i'd say nta because 1. she's a girlfriend not a spouse 2. it's not your job to give her a free ride 3. you aren't asking for more than is fair. she might be because she expects you to let her live for free when literally no one else will. i pay my portion of the bills and i'm married, it's only fair no matter who makes more or less.	nta. you are not married, and it seems the move was financially beneficial to both of you. the fact that you make a decent living doesn’t mean she shouldn’t pay a dime, unless that is something you two specifically had agreed to.	nta you guys have fair arrangement. she does make enough money to cover the cost and she is saving money every single month. what bothers me is her response to this. what is your future going to look like? is she going to expect you to pay for everyone or more luxury lifestyle eventually? while she keeps her entire income? especially dating this isn't her business if you don't want it to be. you aren't being greedy or demanding. she is also living well below her income. it would be completely different if you were forcing her to contribute more than she can. i would be leary of her reactions. good luck.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	NAH	NTA	NTA	0.112	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (37m) am currently living with my girlfriend (29f). before moving in together, she was paying $3000/m for rent and utilities while i own my own house. when we decided to move in together, we agreed that i continue to be responsible for the mortgage payments as the house is in my name and she’ll pay the utilities (about $500/m). we also agreed to divide all living expenses equally. we decided to keep our finances separate as we are dating. she works as a nurse and while i’m not going to get into her finances, let’s just say her salary is more than enough to comfortably pay for the utilities and her portion of the living expenses. so much so that she has healthy savings and retirement fund given her age. i own my own blue collar business (think landscaping, construction, janitorial, moving, etc.). while she knows i make more than her and given my business, have some rental properties, i’ve never went into great details about my income and assets as we’re only dating. obviously i will be much more open with my finances if we get engaged and completely open with it if we get married. i’m just not comfortable with opening my books to a girlfriend just in case things don’t work out. even though i make more than her, i live well below my means. my house is a smaller one in a middle class neighborhood. i drive a 7 yo truck, i dress in normal clothes, i have normal electronics (no high end stuff), and fly economy to vacation at normal destinations. in fact, i buy most of my personal stuff on sale and rarely buy anything at full price. this has allowed me to build up my savings and assets. anyways, things hit the fan yesterday. i have a financial advisor who handles my investments, a private accountant who does my taxes, and a property management company that handles my rental properties. i regularly get mailed documents from them and was reading over some of these documents in my home office yesterday. i left them on my desk when i went out to run some errands. i came back to a pissed off girlfriend. i guess at some point she went into my office for something and read the documents. she was holding the papers and yelling at me why i didn’t tell her how much i make. we got into an argument and it all became a blur and i don’t remember what was exactly said. basically she found out i make many times her income so she thinks i’m greedy for making her pay the utilities and living expenses. i think she’s overreacting and being ridiculous for expecting to live free of charge anywhere. i pointed out that even if she wasn’t with me, she would have to pay the utilities and living expenses no matter where she lives. last night she slept in our bedroom and i slept on the couch in the office. i don’t know if i’m the asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (37m) am currently living with my girlfriend (29f). before moving in together, she was paying $3000/m for rent and utilities while i own my own house. when we decided to move in together, we agreed that i continue to be responsible for the mortgage payments as the house is in my name and she’ll pay the utilities (about $500/m). we also agreed to divide all living expenses equally. we decided to keep our finances separate as we are dating. she works as a nurse and while i’m not going to get into her finances, let’s just say her salary is more than enough to comfortably pay for the utilities and her portion of the living expenses. so much so that she has healthy savings and retirement fund given her age. i own my own blue collar business (think landscaping, construction, janitorial, moving, etc.). while she knows i make more than her and given my business, have some rental properties, i’ve never went into great details about my income and assets as we’re only dating. obviously i will be much more open with my finances if we get engaged and completely open with it if we get married. i’m just not comfortable with opening my books to a girlfriend just in case things don’t work out. even though i make more than her, i live well below my means. my house is a smaller one in a middle class neighborhood. i drive a 7 yo truck, i dress in normal clothes, i have normal electronics (no high end stuff), and fly economy to vacation at normal destinations. in fact, i buy most of my personal stuff on sale and rarely buy anything at full price. this has allowed me to build up my savings and assets. anyways, things hit the fan yesterday. i have a financial advisor who handles my investments, a private accountant who does my taxes, and a property management company that handles my rental properties. i regularly get mailed documents from them and was reading over some of these documents in my home office yesterday. i left them on my desk when i went out to run some errands. i came back to a pissed off girlfriend. i guess at some point she went into my office for something and read the documents. she was holding the papers and yelling at me why i didn’t tell her how much i make. we got into an argument and it all became a blur and i don’t remember what was exactly said. basically she found out i make many times her income so she thinks i’m greedy for making her pay the utilities and living expenses. i think she’s overreacting and being ridiculous for expecting to live free of charge anywhere. i pointed out that even if she wasn’t with me, she would have to pay the utilities and living expenses no matter where she lives. last night she slept in our bedroom and i slept on the couch in the office. i don’t know if i’m the asshole. [/INST] nta if she hadn’t moved in with you she’d be paying 3000.00 a month and she’s complaining about 500.00? time to ask her to leave. </s>
WIBTA by wearing a sleeveless top?	i’ve recently had a disagreement with my mother on this issue and it’s likely to cause drama down the line. i (21f) have a tattoo on my upper arm which depicts female nudity, but it is not sexual or graphic, just a nude woman. since i first got it my mother has expressed discomfort towards the fact that my tattoo isn’t censored and has hinted to me about getting it done over in the future (i won’t be doing that). my parents and i will be attending a christmas dinner at a relatives house, children aged between 6-13 will be present. my mother is insisting that i cover the tattoo up with makeup or not wear the top i had packed for the day. she says that “children shouldn’t have to see that sort of thing or have it shoved in their faces” it’s clear to me that she only views my tattoo as sexual/lewd, which no one else i’ve spoken to has agreed with. i disagree with her about needing to cover it up as i don’t believe my tattoo will negatively impact the children and don’t intent to change my outfit unless the host of the dinner would prefer i do so (i will be asking for their opinion out of respect). would that make me an asshole? tldr: nude lady tattoo makes my mother uncomfortable, she wants me to cover it for a family dinner including children but i don’t want to.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rl2fcl/wibta_by_wearing_a_sleeveless_top/	2021-12-21 01:16:03	yta, it’s a family event where children as young as 6 will be present. why choose this to be your hill to die on? cause all this is gonna do is piss off your family.	yta. i am all for a person having whatever tattoos they want and i’m sure yours is gorgeous - that said, i don’t think it’s appropriate to expose small children to naked images at a christmas dinner. wear the sleeves to dinner and then bust out the sleeveless top when there aren’t kids present.	ywbta. while there's absolutely nothing wrong with decorating your body however you want, depictions of nudity in any context are highly inappropriate at a family holiday event.	[deleted]	ywbta but not because of what your mom said. the female body is not inherently sexual nor is nude art. with that being said, wearing the top out of spite would be the wrong move. even though your tattoo isn't inappropriate i think that in and of itself purposefully exposing your tattoo of a naked woman to spite your mom when there are kids around is a dick move. now, that's not to say you shouldn't be allowed to expose your arms around kids or your family, that's ridiculous to ask of anyone.	i'm a parent. i think nta. your tattoo isn't sexual in nature, the lady isn't spread eagled out or anything. we're all naked potato bodies with skeletons inside. i wouldn't consider it a big deal. however, opinions will vary on this subject.	nta people need to stop demonizing naked bodies- we all have them.	i had a friend with the same issue who painted a bikini on their nude tattoo for activities with children. problem solved.	yta - would you think it was ok for someone to wear a tshirt to christmas dinner with a naked man on it? your tattoos, your choice, but sometimes you do need to cover them to be presentable for family events, church, etc.	nta, nude bodies are just normal. that said, it wouldn't kill you to olay along for this dinner event just so you don't get any nagging from your mom or whatever	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	NTA	NTA	null	YTA	NTA	0.544638	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve recently had a disagreement with my mother on this issue and it’s likely to cause drama down the line. i (21f) have a tattoo on my upper arm which depicts female nudity, but it is not sexual or graphic, just a nude woman. since i first got it my mother has expressed discomfort towards the fact that my tattoo isn’t censored and has hinted to me about getting it done over in the future (i won’t be doing that). my parents and i will be attending a christmas dinner at a relatives house, children aged between 6-13 will be present. my mother is insisting that i cover the tattoo up with makeup or not wear the top i had packed for the day. she says that “children shouldn’t have to see that sort of thing or have it shoved in their faces” it’s clear to me that she only views my tattoo as sexual/lewd, which no one else i’ve spoken to has agreed with. i disagree with her about needing to cover it up as i don’t believe my tattoo will negatively impact the children and don’t intent to change my outfit unless the host of the dinner would prefer i do so (i will be asking for their opinion out of respect). would that make me an asshole? tldr: nude lady tattoo makes my mother uncomfortable, she wants me to cover it for a family dinner including children but i don’t want to.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’ve recently had a disagreement with my mother on this issue and it’s likely to cause drama down the line. i (21f) have a tattoo on my upper arm which depicts female nudity, but it is not sexual or graphic, just a nude woman. since i first got it my mother has expressed discomfort towards the fact that my tattoo isn’t censored and has hinted to me about getting it done over in the future (i won’t be doing that). my parents and i will be attending a christmas dinner at a relatives house, children aged between 6-13 will be present. my mother is insisting that i cover the tattoo up with makeup or not wear the top i had packed for the day. she says that “children shouldn’t have to see that sort of thing or have it shoved in their faces” it’s clear to me that she only views my tattoo as sexual/lewd, which no one else i’ve spoken to has agreed with. i disagree with her about needing to cover it up as i don’t believe my tattoo will negatively impact the children and don’t intent to change my outfit unless the host of the dinner would prefer i do so (i will be asking for their opinion out of respect). would that make me an asshole? tldr: nude lady tattoo makes my mother uncomfortable, she wants me to cover it for a family dinner including children but i don’t want to. [/INST] yta, it’s a family event where children as young as 6 will be present. why choose this to be your hill to die on? cause all this is gonna do is piss off your family. </s>
AITA for not coming out to my homophobic dad so I can keep my inheritance?	my(24m) father(60m) is a very far right wing conservative and christian. he has expressed to me very openly that he is homophobic. this is one of the reasons i feared coming out for so long. i have come out to a few close friends and my mother and sister. all of them have been supportive so far but i know my dad won't be. as in best case scenario he never talks to me again, worst case he outs me to the entire family and disowns me. i would like to be out in my everyday life and was thinking about coming out to him just to get it over with but my sister suggested to me that i keep it from him so i won't lose my inheritance. (probably close to $5m). i talked with her and decided that i would come out to the rest of my friends and live out of the closet in my day to day life but not tell my dad or his side of the family. if they figure it out for themselves then so be it. if not then i keep my inheritance. this wouldn't be hard to do since we dont see each other more than once or twice a year. i spoke to my mom about this and she initially wasn't happy about it and said she didn't feel this was the right way to go about things but that she would respect my choice. after talking with her im second guessing myself. so aita for keeping my dad in the dark just for the inheritance?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l0tqn7/aita_for_not_coming_out_to_my_homophobic_dad_so_i/	2021-01-19 21:29:08	nta, you don't have to tell anyone that you don't want to tell for any reason. maybe one day you can use your inheritance to extravagantly fund some local lgbtq charity in his honor.	nta - i agree with your decision. at the same time, it’s likely that your inheritance would go to your sister instead, so would she be willing to gift you your half if this does happen?	nta get that bread bro.	nta. it’s entirely your choice who you come out to, and when and how you do it. i have zero sympathy for your homophobic father, and if you want to keep this from him for any reason, you have every right to do so. i think it’s only fitting that you benefit from his inheritance considering what an asshole he is. i’m sorry you have a shitty father, and i hope you live your life exactly the way you want to.	nta i’m trans, gay, a wiccan, and all about being my authentic self in my day-to-day life. i sure as shit would be in the closet for one dude twice a year if there was 5m on the line. hell, i’d go to church, have a friend pretend to be my partner—whatever the fuck he wanted for that kind of money. my morals can stay on hold for 2 days a year until a homophobe dies if it means i get 5m from him afterwards.	i mean, it’s your life to live so you need to do whatever you’re comfortable with. is there literally no way that he would accept it? parents can sometimes surprise you. the fact that he has a gay son make change his perspective, even. although you shouldn’t exist to be his wake up call. and is living a lie worth any amount of money? if yes, then do that. if no, then roll the dice and see what he does. your dad’s not 90 years old. if you get into a committed relationship, your future partner may take issue with being the ‘dirty little secret’. either way, you’re nta. good luck.	nta. when and why you come out of the closet is up to you and no one else. that said, living in the closet will cost you more than money. your dad is relatively young, so he could be around for a long time. not coming out to him means not having a wedding because he could find out. not having kids (if you want them). keeping a close eye on all your social media channels in case a photo of you and a boyfriend gets sent to him. people may break up with you because they don't want to date someone closeted. worrying over and over and over again that he'll find out. you could be setting yourself for 20 years of this — or more. so, if i can offer some advice, think of your situation as "not coming out to him ... yet." my heart breaks thinking of you not living your life as fully as you can. oh, and if you do inherit, be sure to donate a good chunk of change to a charity that benefits lgbtq youth.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(24m) father(60m) is a very far right wing conservative and christian. he has expressed to me very openly that he is homophobic. this is one of the reasons i feared coming out for so long. i have come out to a few close friends and my mother and sister. all of them have been supportive so far but i know my dad won't be. as in best case scenario he never talks to me again, worst case he outs me to the entire family and disowns me. i would like to be out in my everyday life and was thinking about coming out to him just to get it over with but my sister suggested to me that i keep it from him so i won't lose my inheritance. (probably close to $5m). i talked with her and decided that i would come out to the rest of my friends and live out of the closet in my day to day life but not tell my dad or his side of the family. if they figure it out for themselves then so be it. if not then i keep my inheritance. this wouldn't be hard to do since we dont see each other more than once or twice a year. i spoke to my mom about this and she initially wasn't happy about it and said she didn't feel this was the right way to go about things but that she would respect my choice. after talking with her im second guessing myself. so aita for keeping my dad in the dark just for the inheritance?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my(24m) father(60m) is a very far right wing conservative and christian. he has expressed to me very openly that he is homophobic. this is one of the reasons i feared coming out for so long. i have come out to a few close friends and my mother and sister. all of them have been supportive so far but i know my dad won't be. as in best case scenario he never talks to me again, worst case he outs me to the entire family and disowns me. i would like to be out in my everyday life and was thinking about coming out to him just to get it over with but my sister suggested to me that i keep it from him so i won't lose my inheritance. (probably close to $5m). i talked with her and decided that i would come out to the rest of my friends and live out of the closet in my day to day life but not tell my dad or his side of the family. if they figure it out for themselves then so be it. if not then i keep my inheritance. this wouldn't be hard to do since we dont see each other more than once or twice a year. i spoke to my mom about this and she initially wasn't happy about it and said she didn't feel this was the right way to go about things but that she would respect my choice. after talking with her im second guessing myself. so aita for keeping my dad in the dark just for the inheritance? [/INST] nta, you don't have to tell anyone that you don't want to tell for any reason. maybe one day you can use your inheritance to extravagantly fund some local lgbtq charity in his honor. </s>
AITA for only letting my son stay with my mom one weekend a month?	my mom has been guilt tripping me about me only letting my 7 year old son stay with her on average one weekend per month. we also come to her house for dinner one seperate day per month and usually some sort of holiday or birthday occurs which equals another 1-2 days of seeing her. she's stated that she believes i should "split the weekends" with her. i think this is utterly ridiculous. i like seeing my son on the weekends too. she also is not satisfied with keeping him for a few hours during the day or with us doing an outing as a family. it must be him only and overnight at least, shes usually mad if she doesn't get him friday-sunday night. me and my mom are extremely close but this is driving us apart. i dread friday every week bc i know she will make me feel bad for.saying no. i'm starting to.really question if i'm in the wrong here. so, aita or is she being unreasonable? **	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0kgss/aita_for_only_letting_my_son_stay_with_my_mom_one/	2019-09-06 18:23:08	nta. he is completely your child and not hers. it's good for them to have a relationship, but it is all your decision. splitting weekends like you have shared custody is an infuriating suggestion.	nta, its your child, not hers. she's making unreasonable demands to basically steal your kid every other weekend. you offered compromises for bringing her along with family gatherings and the like, but she refuses because it absolutely must be super personal private time alone with him? now, since its your mother, i would assume you'd know if something funky was going on, but i'd be looking at that super sideways if anybody else had asked that.	nta, that is really overstepping, maybe it's just because i lived far away from my grandparents so i usually only saw them a few times a year, but having the grandchild for even one weekend a month seems like a lot to me, and definitely not something to complain over. it's your child, not here, you don't have to split the time in any way.	nta. she is not the parent and doesn't get split custody. one weekend a month is good.	nta. your child, you decide.	holy smokes, nta!! some grandparents don’t even get monthly visits and she gets a whole weekend every month plus more! she is being oddly entitled to time with your child.	nta - you really need to tell your mom to back off. i know you are close, but she needs to respect your boundries.	nta. splitting weekends...utter madness. your mum needs boundaries. perhaps a total time out until she can come to her senses. she is grandmother not mother.	nta. she should want to see her grandson but shouldn't demand time with him or make you feel bad for wanting to spend time with him yourself.	info. you’re talking about your mom here, right? not a wife/ex wife?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom has been guilt tripping me about me only letting my 7 year old son stay with her on average one weekend per month. we also come to her house for dinner one seperate day per month and usually some sort of holiday or birthday occurs which equals another 1-2 days of seeing her. she's stated that she believes i should "split the weekends" with her. i think this is utterly ridiculous. i like seeing my son on the weekends too. she also is not satisfied with keeping him for a few hours during the day or with us doing an outing as a family. it must be him only and overnight at least, shes usually mad if she doesn't get him friday-sunday night. me and my mom are extremely close but this is driving us apart. i dread friday every week bc i know she will make me feel bad for.saying no. i'm starting to.really question if i'm in the wrong here. so, aita or is she being unreasonable?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mom has been guilt tripping me about me only letting my 7 year old son stay with her on average one weekend per month. we also come to her house for dinner one seperate day per month and usually some sort of holiday or birthday occurs which equals another 1-2 days of seeing her. she's stated that she believes i should "split the weekends" with her. i think this is utterly ridiculous. i like seeing my son on the weekends too. she also is not satisfied with keeping him for a few hours during the day or with us doing an outing as a family. it must be him only and overnight at least, shes usually mad if she doesn't get him friday-sunday night. me and my mom are extremely close but this is driving us apart. i dread friday every week bc i know she will make me feel bad for.saying no. i'm starting to.really question if i'm in the wrong here. so, aita or is she being unreasonable? [/INST] nta. he is completely your child and not hers. it's good for them to have a relationship, but it is all your decision. splitting weekends like you have shared custody is an infuriating suggestion. </s>
WIBTA if I told my roommate that nobody will rent the room because of her cats?	i (23f) live in a city with multiple theme parks as i drive boats for one of them. rent here is really high, so living with roommates is a must if you work at one of the parks. i'm currently between places to live and had to find something temporary since i was called back to work 2 months before my year lease started. when i agreed to the room, i had never been to the apartment because it was a very quick last minute thing. i only had 5 days to find a place because of how my company does callbacks. so anyways, my roommate has 2 cats and it is very obvious that they are not well cleaned up after and are very misbehaved. the day i moved in, she told me that one of them will scratch my door if i leave it closed, which it did, so i spent all night in misery with cats running over me. i have since put up a gate, which keeps them from scratching. however, the bigger problem is the smell. as soon as you walk in the door, you are hit with musty, dirty cat odor. i have had cats my entire life and never have them been poorly cared for, so i was in shock. i had no idea a place could smell like this. as for my room, i have a wall plug to make sure it doesn't smell bad, but the rest of the apartment is totally awful. i want to say something to her because i'm worried she won't find anybody to rent the room. wibta for telling her? how do i approach the topic?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k05j8i/wibta_if_i_told_my_roommate_that_nobody_will_rent/	2020-11-24 14:03:40	nta and in fact you would be doing her a huge favor by advising her of this situation. she may not be aware of the problem; to her it could be normal. if you tell her gently and in a helpful time you could help improve the cats’s lives too.	nta, just go about it in a calm way. if she reacts in a hostile manner thats her own fault.	nta. if she’s otherwise decent to you, i would definitely tell her in a polite way that she should consider taking better care of her animals and getting better litter and more litterboxes, as well as cleaning more often. if she is normal, she’ll take the advice, if not, it’s not longer your problem.	nta but tbh it will be super hard to have that conversation without it ending up in an argument of some sorts depending on how close you are.	nta. it needs to be said.	nta, also a question, were you informed at all that there would be cats there? it kind of sounds like it was a suprise alltogether, which, as a person with cat allergies, is very worrying. still, even if she did inform you beforehand there would be cats, and a person is fine with that, it is more than reasonable to assume they won't be a massive bother to you. this includes the smell, but also the behavior. my sister used to share a house with some other people, one of which owned a cat. for some dumb reason, my sister's room didn't have a door. (it was up the stairs, so it's not like people really came up there.) the cat went up, pooped in her bed, shed hair everywhere and even left dead animals in her room and on her bed. she told me it was hell and even after they managed to get some sort of make shift sliding door in, the cat was terrible. definitely a huge deterrent for potential tenants.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23f) live in a city with multiple theme parks as i drive boats for one of them. rent here is really high, so living with roommates is a must if you work at one of the parks. i'm currently between places to live and had to find something temporary since i was called back to work 2 months before my year lease started. when i agreed to the room, i had never been to the apartment because it was a very quick last minute thing. i only had 5 days to find a place because of how my company does callbacks. so anyways, my roommate has 2 cats and it is very obvious that they are not well cleaned up after and are very misbehaved. the day i moved in, she told me that one of them will scratch my door if i leave it closed, which it did, so i spent all night in misery with cats running over me. i have since put up a gate, which keeps them from scratching. however, the bigger problem is the smell. as soon as you walk in the door, you are hit with musty, dirty cat odor. i have had cats my entire life and never have them been poorly cared for, so i was in shock. i had no idea a place could smell like this. as for my room, i have a wall plug to make sure it doesn't smell bad, but the rest of the apartment is totally awful. i want to say something to her because i'm worried she won't find anybody to rent the room. wibta for telling her? how do i approach the topic?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (23f) live in a city with multiple theme parks as i drive boats for one of them. rent here is really high, so living with roommates is a must if you work at one of the parks. i'm currently between places to live and had to find something temporary since i was called back to work 2 months before my year lease started. when i agreed to the room, i had never been to the apartment because it was a very quick last minute thing. i only had 5 days to find a place because of how my company does callbacks. so anyways, my roommate has 2 cats and it is very obvious that they are not well cleaned up after and are very misbehaved. the day i moved in, she told me that one of them will scratch my door if i leave it closed, which it did, so i spent all night in misery with cats running over me. i have since put up a gate, which keeps them from scratching. however, the bigger problem is the smell. as soon as you walk in the door, you are hit with musty, dirty cat odor. i have had cats my entire life and never have them been poorly cared for, so i was in shock. i had no idea a place could smell like this. as for my room, i have a wall plug to make sure it doesn't smell bad, but the rest of the apartment is totally awful. i want to say something to her because i'm worried she won't find anybody to rent the room. wibta for telling her? how do i approach the topic? [/INST] nta and in fact you would be doing her a huge favor by advising her of this situation. she may not be aware of the problem; to her it could be normal. if you tell her gently and in a helpful time you could help improve the cats’s lives too. </s>
WIBTA fot only visiting my family for two days over Christmas?	so ever aince i (25f) can remember we had one christmas tradition. since my parents divorced when i was 3, we decided to spent the 24th at one parent and the 25th at the other parents house. the 26th was normally for grandparents, but turned now to a chill day or to go visit friends and eat leftovers from the days before. i would usually atay until new years. well, i do get along with my dads side of the family just fine, but my mother (53f) and my sister (28f) are just to much. every time while prepareing stuff my sister would try to slide of her duties to me, she has done that since i was little. nowadays i call her out for that, since i have my own chores to do. this leads to my mother doing my sisters chores herself and everyone being angry with me. last year i didn't visit them fot christmas, because of the pandemic and it was the best christmas i ever had. i spent it with my so and it was just wonderfull. well my mum asked if i would come for christmas this year and i really had to think for a moment. she saw that and snapped at me, saying if i didn't want to that was fine, since their last christmas was way more relaxed and everyone had a way better time, since i was not there. this really hurt me and i mean really hurt me. i talked with my dad, since i really want to still see him and his part of the family, and i decided that i would only stay for two days and leave at the 26th to spent the rest of the time with my so. my dad said he wouldn't be angry with me, because he understands how i feel. but i know that i will still get major hell from my mum and sister and that they will not stop with their passive aggressive behaviour. so wibta if i only stayed for two days?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pr5ilk/wibta_fot_only_visiting_my_family_for_two_days/	2021-09-19 10:31:20	nta. you can do whatever you want for christmas. you could go to your dad’s house and then home without seeing your mother and sister at all, if they’re going to bitch. it’s up to you.	if you don't start your own traditions when you get a so/ move out then you get stuck with other people's traditions forever. nta.	nta two days sounds like a set boundary that works for you. truly, if you didn’t want to go at all i’d understand that. i’m sorry your mother made any comments like that to you.	nta. frankly, i'd avoid them entirely. your mom and sister have made their stance very clear; they're passive-aggressive and emotionally manipulative. if she starts shit, remind her that she said their last christmas was better because you weren't there, so your christmas gift to her is not showing up again, then just not have anything to do with them over the holidays.	nta once you turned 18 the 'rules' disappeared and you can spend your time around the holidays however you like. i have experienced much the same and i do what i want to each year and parents have to deal. as for your mother's comment - that's ah behaviour and clearly was meant to hurt you (which i'm sorry it did - families can suck). do what you wanna do and enjoy your christmas this year.	nta, you're an adult woman and no one can force you to spend time with toxic family members.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so ever aince i (25f) can remember we had one christmas tradition. since my parents divorced when i was 3, we decided to spent the 24th at one parent and the 25th at the other parents house. the 26th was normally for grandparents, but turned now to a chill day or to go visit friends and eat leftovers from the days before. i would usually atay until new years. well, i do get along with my dads side of the family just fine, but my mother (53f) and my sister (28f) are just to much. every time while prepareing stuff my sister would try to slide of her duties to me, she has done that since i was little. nowadays i call her out for that, since i have my own chores to do. this leads to my mother doing my sisters chores herself and everyone being angry with me. last year i didn't visit them fot christmas, because of the pandemic and it was the best christmas i ever had. i spent it with my so and it was just wonderfull. well my mum asked if i would come for christmas this year and i really had to think for a moment. she saw that and snapped at me, saying if i didn't want to that was fine, since their last christmas was way more relaxed and everyone had a way better time, since i was not there. this really hurt me and i mean really hurt me. i talked with my dad, since i really want to still see him and his part of the family, and i decided that i would only stay for two days and leave at the 26th to spent the rest of the time with my so. my dad said he wouldn't be angry with me, because he understands how i feel. but i know that i will still get major hell from my mum and sister and that they will not stop with their passive aggressive behaviour. so wibta if i only stayed for two days?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so ever aince i (25f) can remember we had one christmas tradition. since my parents divorced when i was 3, we decided to spent the 24th at one parent and the 25th at the other parents house. the 26th was normally for grandparents, but turned now to a chill day or to go visit friends and eat leftovers from the days before. i would usually atay until new years. well, i do get along with my dads side of the family just fine, but my mother (53f) and my sister (28f) are just to much. every time while prepareing stuff my sister would try to slide of her duties to me, she has done that since i was little. nowadays i call her out for that, since i have my own chores to do. this leads to my mother doing my sisters chores herself and everyone being angry with me. last year i didn't visit them fot christmas, because of the pandemic and it was the best christmas i ever had. i spent it with my so and it was just wonderfull. well my mum asked if i would come for christmas this year and i really had to think for a moment. she saw that and snapped at me, saying if i didn't want to that was fine, since their last christmas was way more relaxed and everyone had a way better time, since i was not there. this really hurt me and i mean really hurt me. i talked with my dad, since i really want to still see him and his part of the family, and i decided that i would only stay for two days and leave at the 26th to spent the rest of the time with my so. my dad said he wouldn't be angry with me, because he understands how i feel. but i know that i will still get major hell from my mum and sister and that they will not stop with their passive aggressive behaviour. so wibta if i only stayed for two days? [/INST] nta. you can do whatever you want for christmas. you could go to your dad’s house and then home without seeing your mother and sister at all, if they’re going to bitch. it’s up to you. </s>
AITA for not including my best friend in my proposal/engagement?	my (26f) boyfriend (26m) of four years is planning on proposing soon. we speak very openly with each other about getting engaged. we went to the jeweler together, he’s asked me about my dream proposal, our families and friends know it’s going to happen soon. today while hanging out with my best friend (26f) of over a decade, i told her i had a feeling my boyfriend was going to propose very soon. she said while she was happy and excited for me, she felt excluded from my relationship/engagement. when she was getting married, her now husband showed me the ring he bought and invited me/her family/friends to the proposal. she was upset that we weren’t including her in the same way. i apologized for making her feel excluded and told her it was not my/our intention to make her feel that way. i asked what could i do to make her feel better and she stated she wanted to be more involved in ring selection and details of the actual proposal. i reminded her i had sent a picture of the ring i picked out, and my boyfriend knows he can text her at anytime about the proposal. she said she still felt weird about the situation. my boyfriend knows of the situation and its his decision on if/how much he wants to include her going forward. aita for excluding her?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8sdj9/aita_for_not_including_my_best_friend_in_my/	2022-09-08 06:10:03	nta this sounds crazy to me lol. where does the audacity come from? op, you and your partner are under no obligation to include other people in your relationship, and your special moments, just to spare their feelings.	nta >she said while she was happy and excited for me, she felt excluded from my relationship/engagement that's because she is excluded from your relationship... she's not in the relationship lol.	nta. does this friend want to be there on the wedding night too? tell her to back off and be happy for you, instead of making this about her	nta, you’re doing it the normal traditional way. she did a modern take but you aren’t obligated to do it as well	ummm no. you told your bf what you wanted, he knows, and he would’ve reached out to your friend if that was the case. this is about you and him, not your friend. and him! proposing is a big deal. this is about him just as much as you. it’s not just what you want but what he’s comfortable too. he’s got so much pressure and now this added element? he needs support from his network or whoever he wants to reach out to. lovely her husband had you involved, but it’s not her place to force herself. nta. you would be if you forced her on your fiancé out of guilt. he’s the one planning it. she can help out with the wedding.	nta your relationship is __yours__ , not hers. the choice to include you was theirs. if i was proposing (never got the chance as mt fiance beat me to it) i would of rather did it on my terms and however i best felt comfortable and if that means a secluded moment between us two. then your friend is gonna have to take a backseat. and if she whines about it and says anything along the lines of "i cant believe you didnt have me there and i had you there for mine" bullshit. its sadly taken a decade to show her true self (thats only ofc if she reacts like that.)	nta. different couples have different ways of how they want their proposal to go. great, so her husband included you, cool. doesn’t mean you and your bf have to do the same. not to mention, from what i can tell, you aren’t even the one proposing!!! how would you be able to include her anyway when you don’t know anything about when/where/how it’s going to happen? only thing you could do is say go talk to my bf and see if he’ll involve you in it (by the way, your friend wouldn’t be an ah just for asking him, as long as she accepts no for an answer).	um, does she think she’s in a throuple with you? nta	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (26f) boyfriend (26m) of four years is planning on proposing soon. we speak very openly with each other about getting engaged. we went to the jeweler together, he’s asked me about my dream proposal, our families and friends know it’s going to happen soon. today while hanging out with my best friend (26f) of over a decade, i told her i had a feeling my boyfriend was going to propose very soon. she said while she was happy and excited for me, she felt excluded from my relationship/engagement. when she was getting married, her now husband showed me the ring he bought and invited me/her family/friends to the proposal. she was upset that we weren’t including her in the same way. i apologized for making her feel excluded and told her it was not my/our intention to make her feel that way. i asked what could i do to make her feel better and she stated she wanted to be more involved in ring selection and details of the actual proposal. i reminded her i had sent a picture of the ring i picked out, and my boyfriend knows he can text her at anytime about the proposal. she said she still felt weird about the situation. my boyfriend knows of the situation and its his decision on if/how much he wants to include her going forward. aita for excluding her?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (26f) boyfriend (26m) of four years is planning on proposing soon. we speak very openly with each other about getting engaged. we went to the jeweler together, he’s asked me about my dream proposal, our families and friends know it’s going to happen soon. today while hanging out with my best friend (26f) of over a decade, i told her i had a feeling my boyfriend was going to propose very soon. she said while she was happy and excited for me, she felt excluded from my relationship/engagement. when she was getting married, her now husband showed me the ring he bought and invited me/her family/friends to the proposal. she was upset that we weren’t including her in the same way. i apologized for making her feel excluded and told her it was not my/our intention to make her feel that way. i asked what could i do to make her feel better and she stated she wanted to be more involved in ring selection and details of the actual proposal. i reminded her i had sent a picture of the ring i picked out, and my boyfriend knows he can text her at anytime about the proposal. she said she still felt weird about the situation. my boyfriend knows of the situation and its his decision on if/how much he wants to include her going forward. aita for excluding her? [/INST] nta this sounds crazy to me lol. where does the audacity come from? op, you and your partner are under no obligation to include other people in your relationship, and your special moments, just to spare their feelings. </s>
AITA for staying at a friends house while her husband is deployed?	my gf (27f) got upset with me (27m) because i’m at a military school for about three weeks and i asked my friend if i could stay with him and his wife. he is deploying tomorrow so for a week i’ll be staying at his place with him gone and his wife there. both are super friendly and i wasn’t aware he was deploying until i showed up. this specific base has zero options when it comes to hotels with kitchens which is what i’d like because i don’t want to eat out all of the time. my gf told me it is an unwritten rule to not do this and asked if i would be comfortable if she did it. i told her i get what she is saying, but because of the circumstances above (and i’m helping them out financially as well) in the beginning i guess i didn’t see anything wrong with it. unwritten rule being i shouldn’t be staying at a married woman’s house by ourselves. especially in a relationship. i’ve done this before even single and never had a problem so maybe i am overstepping my boundaries? she says she trusts me, but tells me her concerns which i can’t help but think maybe she doesn’t trust me? and i’d never hook up with my friends wife even if she was single. i live four hours away so i had five days off in which i came back to spend time with my girlfriend and then i go back today to come home friday to spend mlk weekend with her. i can stay at a hotel, but it would be a not nice hotel and i don’t want to stay on base either. also, i’d feel rude going to my friend and saying yeah i’m staying somewhere else as well.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kwizjm/aita_for_staying_at_a_friends_house_while_her/	2021-01-13 15:44:23	nta your girlfriend is creating drama where there is none. you have a place to stay with a friend. why would you get a hotel just because that friend is female and married?	nah this is just a tricky one. it's not about whether she trusts you; it's how she feels, whether she can change that, and whether this is what you want to test her over. she probably absolutely trusts you and likes to think of herself as not being a jealous person. but still - she already misses you, it's a pandemic, and you're going to be playing house with another woman. that's going to make her feel shit, especially if you don't yet live together. i know it's your friend's wife, and i'm sure your gf knows that too, logically, in her head. but it's not about logic. these things aren't rational by definition. in this situation you don't just decide, 'well your concern isn't rational so i'm not going to honour it.' if you love someone, you consider their feelings because you don't want them to be feeling anxious for 3 weeks, and you don't want to risk the damage to your relationship. if you want to put your foot down and tell your gf she has to get over this, that's fair enough. but the reasons you give for this are kinda half-assed, it's not even like it's super important to you, you're just taking the easy option in everything which is a pretty unattractive trait. you don't want to stay at base and you don't want to be 'rude' to your friend. the fact that you'd make your gf get over her anxiety and insecurity, just so you don't have to get over these much more minor inconveniences, is disrespectful. it suggests you don't have a high opinion of her and she's not a priority. i'd be pretty hurt if i was your gf, and it's not because you might seriously do something with your friend's wife. it's because your gf's feelings come second to basically everything - your preferring a friend's house (in other words, his wife's cooking/cleaning/company/keeping the house in order) to staying at base, and your friend's feelings. if you didn't have the option of staying at base, this would be different, but right now, you do have that option; you're just saying that you're more scared of hurting your friend's feelings and letting his wife lose your financial aid, than you are of hurting your gf. if you and she are exclusive and serious, then this isn't right, regardless of the particular situation. she should come first. to be really honest i think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. either you realise you do really like this girl and her feelings are more important to you than your convenience and your kudos with your friend; or you really be honest with yourself, and realise you're not at a stage in this relationship where you're willing to put her first. if it's the latter, that doesn't itself make you an ah. you can't help how you feel either. but she's entitled to feel how she wants about that; you can't try to lie to yourself about it and avoid any consequences by making her feel bad for her feelings, which are also valid, because then you'd def be an ah. you need to be honest with her. not because you've necessarily done something wrong, but because if she wants a relationship where she's put first, she deserves to know where you stand. if she's not your priority yet, she deserves to decide whether she wants to stay with you on those terms - and you deserve that clarity, too. otherwise you'll just both end up in a limbo of resenting each other.	i think if your friend trusts you alone with his wife that should he good enough for the girlfriend. although i could see myself thinking about those things just like she is...	nta wtf is up with this comment section. your friends are married, you are in a relationship. did i miss a bit where this is your ex girlfriend and you have history of cheating or something. i can't see how you could possibly be the asshole. "unwritten rule" not to spend time with someone of a different gender while in a relationship?? what kind of straight nonsense is this?? of course you shouldn't inconvenience yourself for your girlfriend to be petty. she needs to work on her insecurity and not inflict it on you. frankly if i were you i'd be pissed as hell, she's accusing you of cheating with no basis at all. if i had a partner treat me like that i'd end it there and then.	nta, what unwritten rule???? so a married person cant be alone with a single person? you did nothing wrong accepting a favor from a friend, and your girlfriend has to learn a little trust.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NAH	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0.003383	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf (27f) got upset with me (27m) because i’m at a military school for about three weeks and i asked my friend if i could stay with him and his wife. he is deploying tomorrow so for a week i’ll be staying at his place with him gone and his wife there. both are super friendly and i wasn’t aware he was deploying until i showed up. this specific base has zero options when it comes to hotels with kitchens which is what i’d like because i don’t want to eat out all of the time. my gf told me it is an unwritten rule to not do this and asked if i would be comfortable if she did it. i told her i get what she is saying, but because of the circumstances above (and i’m helping them out financially as well) in the beginning i guess i didn’t see anything wrong with it. unwritten rule being i shouldn’t be staying at a married woman’s house by ourselves. especially in a relationship. i’ve done this before even single and never had a problem so maybe i am overstepping my boundaries? she says she trusts me, but tells me her concerns which i can’t help but think maybe she doesn’t trust me? and i’d never hook up with my friends wife even if she was single. i live four hours away so i had five days off in which i came back to spend time with my girlfriend and then i go back today to come home friday to spend mlk weekend with her. i can stay at a hotel, but it would be a not nice hotel and i don’t want to stay on base either. also, i’d feel rude going to my friend and saying yeah i’m staying somewhere else as well.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my gf (27f) got upset with me (27m) because i’m at a military school for about three weeks and i asked my friend if i could stay with him and his wife. he is deploying tomorrow so for a week i’ll be staying at his place with him gone and his wife there. both are super friendly and i wasn’t aware he was deploying until i showed up. this specific base has zero options when it comes to hotels with kitchens which is what i’d like because i don’t want to eat out all of the time. my gf told me it is an unwritten rule to not do this and asked if i would be comfortable if she did it. i told her i get what she is saying, but because of the circumstances above (and i’m helping them out financially as well) in the beginning i guess i didn’t see anything wrong with it. unwritten rule being i shouldn’t be staying at a married woman’s house by ourselves. especially in a relationship. i’ve done this before even single and never had a problem so maybe i am overstepping my boundaries? she says she trusts me, but tells me her concerns which i can’t help but think maybe she doesn’t trust me? and i’d never hook up with my friends wife even if she was single. i live four hours away so i had five days off in which i came back to spend time with my girlfriend and then i go back today to come home friday to spend mlk weekend with her. i can stay at a hotel, but it would be a not nice hotel and i don’t want to stay on base either. also, i’d feel rude going to my friend and saying yeah i’m staying somewhere else as well. [/INST] nta your girlfriend is creating drama where there is none. you have a place to stay with a friend. why would you get a hotel just because that friend is female and married? </s>
AITA for firing my fiance's friend?	hey all, this is basically just a throwaway i barely use- long time lurker first time poster. anyway, i'm (26f) a writer. i research historical topics and write scripts for a somewhat known youtuber/podcaster. i'm the 'head content developer' and i manage several other writers. not a big team by any means, less than 5 people, but i'm still the one 'in charge'. two of our writers have been sick lately and are falling behind, so we've been looking to hire new people. my fiance works a very different job in shipping. he told me that one of his employees (23f, kat, i'll call her) liked writing and may be a good fit. i spoke with her on zoom, interviewed her, told my boss (the youtuber/podcaster voice) about her, and we hired her at 30 dollars an hour. right off the bat, there was a red flag because she told me she was too busy to start right away, and would need 9 days before she could begin. i was only asking for a script a week from her- a script that takes about 5-7 ish hours to write. if she is that busy that she doesn't have 5 hours a week to spare, i was a little nervous about how much time she'd have going forward. she told me she could write it in a week though, and her commitments ended on july 16th. so i waited until the 16th, then sent her the script. the day after i sent it, another one of our scriptwriters told me they may be needing hand surgery and would be out of commission. i told kat this and said hey, look, i \need\ you to turn in this script by a week, as we agreed, and that going forward, if she was able to turn scripts in even faster, we may be able to put her on the fast track for a salaried position. (i'm salary, and a few other people that have been with the company for months or more or salary.) i told her if she proved herself and turned in scripts quickly and well written, i'd advocate for her being w2 and salary no problem. she was excited by this, as the shipping job, she says, is 'killing her'. the day before the due date, she tells me that she's just sooo busy and it's going to take her longer and she asked for shorter scripts in the future...even though i told her the script she was writing was the minimum length we needed. i was really disheartened, since it was only the day before the due date. now, two days after the due date, she messaged me today and asked 'how do you write about scripts you don't find interesting'. again, super disheartening. i said that if she didn't find alcatraz interesting (the historical topic she was writing on), then the other more boring scripts definitely wouldn't be for her. i sent my boss screenshots of our conversation, and my boss asked me to fire her. kat insisted she was asking how to make the topic interesting, but that's not what she said. kat is furious, i'm bummed it didn't work, and my fiance says i was a bit harsh.... aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/orh7vh/aita_for_firing_my_fiances_friend/	2021-07-25 18:40:36	nta, you didn’t make the decision to fire her, your boss did. she was handed a wonderful opportunity and let it slip through her fingers, that’s on her and no one else.	nta, but going forward, understand that someone having prior commitments and giving you a set date they can start working is not a red flag but basic adult communication.	i want her job. but other than that nta you handled everything perfectly well.	nta she wasn’t doing the work she needed to. it wasn’t personal	nta you gave this person a chance, and she wasn't ready for it. someone who can't meet deadlines is not a good fit for the type of work you need done, and i don't think you need to feel bad about moving on and allowing her to do the same.	nta. your feelings were confirmed when your boss made the decision (not you, your boss!) to fire kat. don’t feel guilty. i am a writer and if i got a job i really wanted, i would walk through fire to impress the new company. tell your fiancé that his friend blew the amazing opportunity she was given and that is on her, not you. especially since your boss was the one who decided to fire her. good luck!	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey all, this is basically just a throwaway i barely use- long time lurker first time poster. anyway, i'm (26f) a writer. i research historical topics and write scripts for a somewhat known youtuber/podcaster. i'm the 'head content developer' and i manage several other writers. not a big team by any means, less than 5 people, but i'm still the one 'in charge'. two of our writers have been sick lately and are falling behind, so we've been looking to hire new people. my fiance works a very different job in shipping. he told me that one of his employees (23f, kat, i'll call her) liked writing and may be a good fit. i spoke with her on zoom, interviewed her, told my boss (the youtuber/podcaster voice) about her, and we hired her at 30 dollars an hour. right off the bat, there was a red flag because she told me she was too busy to start right away, and would need 9 days before she could begin. i was only asking for a script a week from her- a script that takes about 5-7 ish hours to write. if she is that busy that she doesn't have 5 hours a week to spare, i was a little nervous about how much time she'd have going forward. she told me she could write it in a week though, and her commitments ended on july 16th. so i waited until the 16th, then sent her the script. the day after i sent it, another one of our scriptwriters told me they may be needing hand surgery and would be out of commission. i told kat this and said hey, look, i \need\* you to turn in this script by a week, as we agreed, and that going forward, if she was able to turn scripts in even faster, we may be able to put her on the fast track for a salaried position. (i'm salary, and a few other people that have been with the company for months or more or salary.) i told her if she proved herself and turned in scripts quickly and well written, i'd advocate for her being w2 and salary no problem. she was excited by this, as the shipping job, she says, is 'killing her'. the day before the due date, she tells me that she's just sooo busy and it's going to take her longer and she asked for shorter scripts in the future...even though i told her the script she was writing was the minimum length we needed. i was really disheartened, since it was only the day before the due date. now, two days after the due date, she messaged me today and asked 'how do you write about scripts you don't find interesting'. again, super disheartening. i said that if she didn't find alcatraz interesting (the historical topic she was writing on), then the other more boring scripts definitely wouldn't be for her. i sent my boss screenshots of our conversation, and my boss asked me to fire her. kat insisted she was asking how to make the topic interesting, but that's not what she said. kat is furious, i'm bummed it didn't work, and my fiance says i was a bit harsh.... aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hey all, this is basically just a throwaway i barely use- long time lurker first time poster. anyway, i'm (26f) a writer. i research historical topics and write scripts for a somewhat known youtuber/podcaster. i'm the 'head content developer' and i manage several other writers. not a big team by any means, less than 5 people, but i'm still the one 'in charge'. two of our writers have been sick lately and are falling behind, so we've been looking to hire new people. my fiance works a very different job in shipping. he told me that one of his employees (23f, kat, i'll call her) liked writing and may be a good fit. i spoke with her on zoom, interviewed her, told my boss (the youtuber/podcaster voice) about her, and we hired her at 30 dollars an hour. right off the bat, there was a red flag because she told me she was too busy to start right away, and would need 9 days before she could begin. i was only asking for a script a week from her- a script that takes about 5-7 ish hours to write. if she is that busy that she doesn't have 5 hours a week to spare, i was a little nervous about how much time she'd have going forward. she told me she could write it in a week though, and her commitments ended on july 16th. so i waited until the 16th, then sent her the script. the day after i sent it, another one of our scriptwriters told me they may be needing hand surgery and would be out of commission. i told kat this and said hey, look, i \need\* you to turn in this script by a week, as we agreed, and that going forward, if she was able to turn scripts in even faster, we may be able to put her on the fast track for a salaried position. (i'm salary, and a few other people that have been with the company for months or more or salary.) i told her if she proved herself and turned in scripts quickly and well written, i'd advocate for her being w2 and salary no problem. she was excited by this, as the shipping job, she says, is 'killing her'. the day before the due date, she tells me that she's just sooo busy and it's going to take her longer and she asked for shorter scripts in the future...even though i told her the script she was writing was the minimum length we needed. i was really disheartened, since it was only the day before the due date. now, two days after the due date, she messaged me today and asked 'how do you write about scripts you don't find interesting'. again, super disheartening. i said that if she didn't find alcatraz interesting (the historical topic she was writing on), then the other more boring scripts definitely wouldn't be for her. i sent my boss screenshots of our conversation, and my boss asked me to fire her. kat insisted she was asking how to make the topic interesting, but that's not what she said. kat is furious, i'm bummed it didn't work, and my fiance says i was a bit harsh.... aita? [/INST] nta, you didn’t make the decision to fire her, your boss did. she was handed a wonderful opportunity and let it slip through her fingers, that’s on her and no one else. </s>
AITA for calling bf obtuse and oblivious to actual hardships?	i'll preface this by saying that we both went to college the difference being that he got a scholarship paying for the studies and the rest (housing/food etc) were paid by his parents, while i paid for my studies in full and worked throughout college. this is relevant to the story. he watched a video on youtube about people in seoul living in this apartment buildings (i can't recall the name for them) where they share the kitchen and the bathroom (one of each per floor) and have this incredibly miniscule private rooms ( like 70 feet or so) and they charge 300 usd for it. in the video it showed a student that could choose between this living situation or a 2.5 hour commute ( the guy was coming from a rather small village/town) where, at least from what he said, transportation wasn't always reliable.i found this appalling, it's literally a prison cell and i was telling my bf that (in an ideal world at least) it should be illegal to sell or rent such a tiny space, there should be a required minimum when building such things. to which he replied something like "well no one is forcing him, it's freewill" ,so i tried explaining to him that when you're caught between a rock and a hard place freewill doesn't mean much, since you're pretty much screwed either way. the argument went back and forth for a while and i ended up calling him obtuse and oblivious to this kind of hardships. so yeah aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kmua91/aita_for_calling_bf_obtuse_and_oblivious_to/	2020-12-30 03:47:09	nta. he does sound pretty oblivious.	nta. he’s out of touch with reality.	nta - what was maybe missing from the conversation is that people get forced into these situations because of lack laws and corruption. in usa and canada, government provided housing is much bigger than what working/studying people can possibly afford - because itvadheres to: minimum size/#bedrooms and bath* so this already does exist. your idea isn't crazy. however, as you noticed - in other countries, there isn't even any government subsidized housing at all - because they have corrupt governments that work to keep the poor, poor and the rich so wealthy they could never spend it all. your boyfriend is wrong, but maybe you can help sway him by finding out some more facts related to minimum housing requirements in other countries?	yta having to work through school (and yes i worked through college and law school even with scholarships) does not mean you get to end an argument via name calling. also, you are imposing your world view on another culture.	yta there is a reality of some places in this world being very sought after where housing is ultra competitive. in manhattan or san francisco you aren't going to get anything of decent size under $500 either. if you set minimum housing sizes, then a lot of people wouldn't be able to live in those cities at all who really wanted to.	esh you argued about this for a while? yeesh. and it sounds like you resent his scholarship and parents money because its not relevant to this at all.	> to which he replied something like "well no one is forcing him, it's freewill" yta, mainly for not listening to what he said. his point was presumably that just artificially restricting bad choices is extremely unlikely to make things better for those you feel sorry for. its perfectly fine to hear about something and feel that it sucks, but its naïve and arrogant to think you can solve the problem by just making something illegal. the root problem is that more people want to live in seoul than there is space for good accommodation. this is common in most major cities and the result is that people are pushed out due to the higher prices. economically speaking this is one natural force that prevents cities growing too fast and keeps other places worth living in. this often sucks for individuals, but its beneficial for everyone when "prime real estate" is put to the most efficient use. this guy can either accept that he's unable to afford to live there or can put up with cramped living conditions for a while until he's finished his studies or found a better job. he has made his choice and its not at all kind of you to suggest you take that choice away from him. making his current home illegal won't help him at all, that will force him to pay for a larger home and because many others will be in the same position the cost of those will rise even further out of his reach. as a result of your sympathy this poor sod's life would be made much worse. ps i've lived in a similarly style of accommodation when i was a student, it wasn't ideal but it was fine enough.	yta. i'm curious about what kind of sensationalist video you watched, because in seoul (as long as the fire codes are followed), it's really not a big deal to stay in that kind of place. your bf may just have a different perspective. he doesn't necessarily lack empathy. those rooms are really small, but they're fine for students and let people save a lot of money while still having a private space. i stayed in one. i never felt oppressed or like i was in jail. most students are out socializing (during non-covid times) and having a great time. they don't stay in their rooms long. people go out and do things because they can afford to have fun and there are tons of nice places around to study. honestly, the situation in seoul may be preferable to that in the us for students. the us has out of control student loan/education costs.	yta. very small rental rooms, and even hotel rooms for that matter, are extremely normal in certain parts of asia. what your typical north american or european would balk at can be seen as perfectly comfortable in other parts of the globe.	yta. the reality is, both of you are very privileged compared to the majority of people in the world, if you can afford to think of such living conditions as inhumane. there are many people in the world who have to live in much more confined conditions, or with no privacy at all. heck, i've stayed in dorm rooms in the uk that were about that size, with barely any standing room after a tiny bed, desk, and closet. your boyfriend is correct, in that these people have free will in deciding to take on such living accommodations. stop being so judgmental, broaden your horizons, and recognize your privilege.	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.378485	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'll preface this by saying that we both went to college the difference being that he got a scholarship paying for the studies and the rest (housing/food etc) were paid by his parents, while i paid for my studies in full and worked throughout college. this is relevant to the story. he watched a video on youtube about people in seoul living in this apartment buildings (i can't recall the name for them) where they share the kitchen and the bathroom (one of each per floor) and have this incredibly miniscule private rooms ( like 70 feet or so) and they charge 300 usd for it. in the video it showed a student that could choose between this living situation or a 2.5 hour commute ( the guy was coming from a rather small village/town) where, at least from what he said, transportation wasn't always reliable.i found this appalling, it's literally a prison cell and i was telling my bf that (in an ideal world at least) it should be illegal to sell or rent such a tiny space, there should be a required minimum when building such things. to which he replied something like "well no one is forcing him, it's freewill" ,so i tried explaining to him that when you're caught between a rock and a hard place freewill doesn't mean much, since you're pretty much screwed either way. the argument went back and forth for a while and i ended up calling him obtuse and oblivious to this kind of hardships. so yeah aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'll preface this by saying that we both went to college the difference being that he got a scholarship paying for the studies and the rest (housing/food etc) were paid by his parents, while i paid for my studies in full and worked throughout college. this is relevant to the story. he watched a video on youtube about people in seoul living in this apartment buildings (i can't recall the name for them) where they share the kitchen and the bathroom (one of each per floor) and have this incredibly miniscule private rooms ( like 70 feet or so) and they charge 300 usd for it. in the video it showed a student that could choose between this living situation or a 2.5 hour commute ( the guy was coming from a rather small village/town) where, at least from what he said, transportation wasn't always reliable.i found this appalling, it's literally a prison cell and i was telling my bf that (in an ideal world at least) it should be illegal to sell or rent such a tiny space, there should be a required minimum when building such things. to which he replied something like "well no one is forcing him, it's freewill" ,so i tried explaining to him that when you're caught between a rock and a hard place freewill doesn't mean much, since you're pretty much screwed either way. the argument went back and forth for a while and i ended up calling him obtuse and oblivious to this kind of hardships. so yeah aita? [/INST] nta. he does sound pretty oblivious. </s>
AITA for calling animal controll on my neighbor?	background: we have one apartment that we share a landing with. when we first moved in, about 1 year ago, a quiet younger couple lived there. a couple months later they moved out in a rush and a man in his late 30s moved in. he seemed somewhat friendly, but gave an off-putting vibe. after he moved in people were constantly coming in and out of the apartment and there were often loud arguments that ended in the cops getting called. steadily the shared landing began being filled with overflow furniture and random items from his apartment. it was minor at first but became substantially worse when his mother moved in it. at this point i began to inform management as it became difficult to access our own apartment. a couple times we and others called management because he tracked dog poo from his apartment through the entire stairwell...needless to say he doesn't take the best care of his dogs. they are large and unruly and have even corned and accosted my girlfriend while she was carrying our puppy. they chased her down a walkway and up our stairwell, pinning her against a wall. although the situation was scary, they were definitely not aggressive. they were visibly over excited and attempting to get to our puppy. management has told me that he is illegally subleting the apartment from the couple that previously lived there. unfortunately, due to current non eviction laws they are having a difficult time removing the man. current situation: last night he was arrested. the dogs have been alone in the apartment for a little under 24hrs. we can hear them barking and crying. they sound very stressed and i would venture to say they have no food. the constant crying and barking is stressing our dogs out as well. i informed management of the situation and reccomend they call animal control before trying to enter (they had previously been trying to enter when they thought he was gone to change the locks). they asked me that i let them know if anythjng changed but they wouldn't be trying to enter anytime soon. i assume now that they have a lawyer involved they are approaching the situation differently. i then asked if i could call animal control if the man did not return in the next day or so. they said yes that was a good idea. ultimately, i decided to call animal control today. they sent an officer out to post a notice and will return for the dogs in 24hrs if they are not contacted. although, i am working from home there is a chance i may not have noticed him return. however, if he is not the dogs could be in danger of starvation if left alone for too long. where i may be the asshole... he may be back soon if he isn't already back. the last thing i want to do is take away someone's pets, even if they are a shit owner. also i'm definitely a tad bias when it comes to this guy, so i'm not sure if my biases are clouding my judgment. so aita for calling animal controll on my neighbor after he got arrested?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m5xaql/aita_for_calling_animal_controll_on_my_neighbor/	2021-03-16 01:08:13	nta. if you were doing this to get back at your neighbor, that would be a different story. but as you said, he was arrested. there's no way to know when he'll get out and it's cruel to leave the dogs wothout food or water that long.	nta. your neighbor seems highly irresponsible, unable to comply with basic laws or social norms like training his dogs, and on top of that, the dogs are miserable and uncared for for over 24 hours thanks to neighbor seeming to be all of the above. based on the information you've given, and that you have, animal control seems about right.	nta. if the dogs were really sounding that distressed and he was gone after being arrested, you did the right thing. it's not like he went kn vacation and you don't know when he will return. hopefully the dogs get a better home. besides if he doesn't call in 24 hours or he isn't home then you can just say they ran away. i know lying is bad but if you don't take care of animals they can runaway	nta you have concern for the dogs involved. he got arrested and you want to make sure the doggos are taken care of. you're showing compassion not hate.	nta. you have a legitimate concern that he may be gone for several days. the dogs might not have food let alone water! somebody needs to check on them. good for you.	nta. he was arrested last night so it’s already been 24 hours that the dogs have been left alone, and at least another 24 until animal control come to get him. either way they need to be taken from the apartment and given food and water as a minimum. if the guy gets released soon, he’ll see the notice and go get his dogs back. if he’s not then well at least the dogs aren’t still stuck in his house by themselves	nta because even if he is back they should have a record of him leaving the dogs alone. for all you know it's not his first offense!	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background: we have one apartment that we share a landing with. when we first moved in, about 1 year ago, a quiet younger couple lived there. a couple months later they moved out in a rush and a man in his late 30s moved in. he seemed somewhat friendly, but gave an off-putting vibe. after he moved in people were constantly coming in and out of the apartment and there were often loud arguments that ended in the cops getting called. steadily the shared landing began being filled with overflow furniture and random items from his apartment. it was minor at first but became substantially worse when his mother moved in it. at this point i began to inform management as it became difficult to access our own apartment. a couple times we and others called management because he tracked dog poo from his apartment through the entire stairwell...needless to say he doesn't take the best care of his dogs. they are large and unruly and have even corned and accosted my girlfriend while she was carrying our puppy. they chased her down a walkway and up our stairwell, pinning her against a wall. although the situation was scary, they were definitely not aggressive. they were visibly over excited and attempting to get to our puppy. management has told me that he is illegally subleting the apartment from the couple that previously lived there. unfortunately, due to current non eviction laws they are having a difficult time removing the man. current situation: last night he was arrested. the dogs have been alone in the apartment for a little under 24hrs. we can hear them barking and crying. they sound very stressed and i would venture to say they have no food. the constant crying and barking is stressing our dogs out as well. i informed management of the situation and reccomend they call animal control before trying to enter (they had previously been trying to enter when they thought he was gone to change the locks). they asked me that i let them know if anythjng changed but they wouldn't be trying to enter anytime soon. i assume now that they have a lawyer involved they are approaching the situation differently. i then asked if i could call animal control if the man did not return in the next day or so. they said yes that was a good idea. ultimately, i decided to call animal control today. they sent an officer out to post a notice and will return for the dogs in 24hrs if they are not contacted. although, i am working from home there is a chance i may not have noticed him return. however, if he is not the dogs could be in danger of starvation if left alone for too long. where i may be the asshole... he may be back soon if he isn't already back. the last thing i want to do is take away someone's pets, even if they are a shit owner. also i'm definitely a tad bias when it comes to this guy, so i'm not sure if my biases are clouding my judgment. so aita for calling animal controll on my neighbor after he got arrested?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> background: we have one apartment that we share a landing with. when we first moved in, about 1 year ago, a quiet younger couple lived there. a couple months later they moved out in a rush and a man in his late 30s moved in. he seemed somewhat friendly, but gave an off-putting vibe. after he moved in people were constantly coming in and out of the apartment and there were often loud arguments that ended in the cops getting called. steadily the shared landing began being filled with overflow furniture and random items from his apartment. it was minor at first but became substantially worse when his mother moved in it. at this point i began to inform management as it became difficult to access our own apartment. a couple times we and others called management because he tracked dog poo from his apartment through the entire stairwell...needless to say he doesn't take the best care of his dogs. they are large and unruly and have even corned and accosted my girlfriend while she was carrying our puppy. they chased her down a walkway and up our stairwell, pinning her against a wall. although the situation was scary, they were definitely not aggressive. they were visibly over excited and attempting to get to our puppy. management has told me that he is illegally subleting the apartment from the couple that previously lived there. unfortunately, due to current non eviction laws they are having a difficult time removing the man. current situation: last night he was arrested. the dogs have been alone in the apartment for a little under 24hrs. we can hear them barking and crying. they sound very stressed and i would venture to say they have no food. the constant crying and barking is stressing our dogs out as well. i informed management of the situation and reccomend they call animal control before trying to enter (they had previously been trying to enter when they thought he was gone to change the locks). they asked me that i let them know if anythjng changed but they wouldn't be trying to enter anytime soon. i assume now that they have a lawyer involved they are approaching the situation differently. i then asked if i could call animal control if the man did not return in the next day or so. they said yes that was a good idea. ultimately, i decided to call animal control today. they sent an officer out to post a notice and will return for the dogs in 24hrs if they are not contacted. although, i am working from home there is a chance i may not have noticed him return. however, if he is not the dogs could be in danger of starvation if left alone for too long. where i may be the asshole... he may be back soon if he isn't already back. the last thing i want to do is take away someone's pets, even if they are a shit owner. also i'm definitely a tad bias when it comes to this guy, so i'm not sure if my biases are clouding my judgment. so aita for calling animal controll on my neighbor after he got arrested? [/INST] nta. if you were doing this to get back at your neighbor, that would be a different story. but as you said, he was arrested. there's no way to know when he'll get out and it's cruel to leave the dogs wothout food or water that long. </s>
AITA for not wanting to slow dance with my girlfriend's best friend?	for background information. my gf, her best friend, and i have been in a friend group for over a year, and we are pretty close. early 2020, my gf's best friend ana asked me if i would be her escort to an event next year. ana is in a girls charity club, and next year will be her last year in the club. the club hosts an annual ball for girls to celebrate their last year in the club. the girls wear a white ballgown (like a wedding dress), and the escort holds her arm down the staircase and does a waltz dance with her afterward. i said yes initially because she’s a friend, and i didn’t mind doing it at the time. the event is in a year. but then, my gf tyra and i started dating 2 months ago. tyra and ana had been best friends for a few years but in 2020 they have been slightly distant from each other after an incident. i thought ana would ask somebody else to go with her to the event. i don’t want to go to the event anymore because i feel uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a suit and holding another girl’s arm down a staircase and slow dancing with her. especially if that other girl is my gf's best friend. i’ve talked to tyra about it and she feels uncomfortable as well and i don’t want to make her uncomfortable since ana has said flirty things to me in the past before and during my relationship. ana ensured me that this entire thing would be platonic but that doesn’t change the way i feel or tyra. i told ana that i no longer wanted to be her escort to this event since i don’t feel comfortable dancing with her and walking with her down a staircase and an aisle. ana did not take it very well at all. at first, she seemed calm and understood. then she called back instantly crying and started to scream at me asking if i was mad at her. i told her i wasn’t mad at her and she started screaming at me over how it was not okay for me not to want to go. she screamed that she and her mom were pissed at me. i tried to apologize but she refused to communicate. tyra eventually told me to go although she was reluctant and i could tell it hurt her a lot but ana still refused to talk to me. she called back and i tried to apologize but she seemed dissatisfied with my apology and continued to invalidate it and demanded more by saying “and?” after everything i said. then she proceeded to bring up issues with her father and saying how she doesn’t have any other guy to be her escort to the event. i feel like i was being guilt-tripped since she hung up on me. the event is in a year and ana has time to find somebody else to go with. i understand this event is important to her but i still feel weird going over that boundary in my relationship with tyra. i feel terrible for making ana cry since she is my friend. ana is very sensitive and can be explosive. i feel like i could be the a\\hole for saying yes at first and then changing my mind after getting into a relationship. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n6bh3r/aita_for_not_wanting_to_slow_dance_with_my/	2021-05-06 16:37:17	nta. ana needs to chill out. the event is in a year. i'm sure she can find someone else to go with her by then. you and tyra might not even be going out anymore by then. her reaction is way over the top for someone claiming that this was going to be purely platonic.	nta. this is about more than just the event. if i'm reading it correctly, ana asked to you to go to it two years in advance. a friend just asking another friend for a favor does not do this. ana likes you and she was looking for some form of commitment from you. things have a tendency to change over a couple of years and ana should not be surprised that something has happened (you got a girlfriend) that has made you want to bow out. as you said, she has plenty of time to find a new escort. her overly emotional reaction only confirms that your hesitancy about going was spot on.	nta, you're in a relationship with her best friend, both you and your gf have admitted that since becoming an item it would be awkward. a no should been enough. you went through and explained yourself. she has a year to find someone else	info > tyra and ana had been best friends for a few years but in 2020 they have been slightly distant from each other after an incident. what was the incident? this huge shift in attitudes you describe sounds much more than slightly distant to me.	nta- ur relationship with ur girl comes first and u shouldn't feel like an asshole cuz u didnt know you was going to get into a relationship it wasnt like u planned to hurt her. ana should consider what has occoured and find someone else and i'm sure shes pretty enough to find someone else.	nta and i really mean that. sounds like this ana has a somewhat toxic character and may have some feelings for you. you are in a realtionship and commited to your girl. one thing is friends asking for a favor but totally changes once a relationship is involved. you explained yourself (simple no i cannot make it would've sufficed) and she should've taken the hint since she is fully aware that you and t are dating. if you were single, then that's another story but you have a gf and based on that incedent you explained to someone else, cut your loses and make the best with your gf (she seems more level headed). good luck and let ana find another dude to this event, she has enough time.	nta since it's a year from now. you don't have to do something you aren't comfortable with, regardless of your reasoning. she has time to find someone else. if this event was a few weeks from now you'd be ta since you cancelled last minute.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for background information. my gf, her best friend, and i have been in a friend group for over a year, and we are pretty close. early 2020, my gf's best friend ana asked me if i would be her escort to an event next year. ana is in a girls charity club, and next year will be her last year in the club. the club hosts an annual ball for girls to celebrate their last year in the club. the girls wear a white ballgown (like a wedding dress), and the escort holds her arm down the staircase and does a waltz dance with her afterward. i said yes initially because she’s a friend, and i didn’t mind doing it at the time. the event is in a year. but then, my gf tyra and i started dating 2 months ago. tyra and ana had been best friends for a few years but in 2020 they have been slightly distant from each other after an incident. i thought ana would ask somebody else to go with her to the event. i don’t want to go to the event anymore because i feel uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a suit and holding another girl’s arm down a staircase and slow dancing with her. especially if that other girl is my gf's best friend. i’ve talked to tyra about it and she feels uncomfortable as well and i don’t want to make her uncomfortable since ana has said flirty things to me in the past before and during my relationship. ana ensured me that this entire thing would be platonic but that doesn’t change the way i feel or tyra. i told ana that i no longer wanted to be her escort to this event since i don’t feel comfortable dancing with her and walking with her down a staircase and an aisle. ana did not take it very well at all. at first, she seemed calm and understood. then she called back instantly crying and started to scream at me asking if i was mad at her. i told her i wasn’t mad at her and she started screaming at me over how it was not okay for me not to want to go. she screamed that she and her mom were pissed at me. i tried to apologize but she refused to communicate. tyra eventually told me to go although she was reluctant and i could tell it hurt her a lot but ana still refused to talk to me. she called back and i tried to apologize but she seemed dissatisfied with my apology and continued to invalidate it and demanded more by saying “and?” after everything i said. then she proceeded to bring up issues with her father and saying how she doesn’t have any other guy to be her escort to the event. i feel like i was being guilt-tripped since she hung up on me. the event is in a year and ana has time to find somebody else to go with. i understand this event is important to her but i still feel weird going over that boundary in my relationship with tyra. i feel terrible for making ana cry since she is my friend. ana is very sensitive and can be explosive. i feel like i could be the a\\*hole for saying yes at first and then changing my mind after getting into a relationship. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for background information. my gf, her best friend, and i have been in a friend group for over a year, and we are pretty close. early 2020, my gf's best friend ana asked me if i would be her escort to an event next year. ana is in a girls charity club, and next year will be her last year in the club. the club hosts an annual ball for girls to celebrate their last year in the club. the girls wear a white ballgown (like a wedding dress), and the escort holds her arm down the staircase and does a waltz dance with her afterward. i said yes initially because she’s a friend, and i didn’t mind doing it at the time. the event is in a year. but then, my gf tyra and i started dating 2 months ago. tyra and ana had been best friends for a few years but in 2020 they have been slightly distant from each other after an incident. i thought ana would ask somebody else to go with her to the event. i don’t want to go to the event anymore because i feel uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a suit and holding another girl’s arm down a staircase and slow dancing with her. especially if that other girl is my gf's best friend. i’ve talked to tyra about it and she feels uncomfortable as well and i don’t want to make her uncomfortable since ana has said flirty things to me in the past before and during my relationship. ana ensured me that this entire thing would be platonic but that doesn’t change the way i feel or tyra. i told ana that i no longer wanted to be her escort to this event since i don’t feel comfortable dancing with her and walking with her down a staircase and an aisle. ana did not take it very well at all. at first, she seemed calm and understood. then she called back instantly crying and started to scream at me asking if i was mad at her. i told her i wasn’t mad at her and she started screaming at me over how it was not okay for me not to want to go. she screamed that she and her mom were pissed at me. i tried to apologize but she refused to communicate. tyra eventually told me to go although she was reluctant and i could tell it hurt her a lot but ana still refused to talk to me. she called back and i tried to apologize but she seemed dissatisfied with my apology and continued to invalidate it and demanded more by saying “and?” after everything i said. then she proceeded to bring up issues with her father and saying how she doesn’t have any other guy to be her escort to the event. i feel like i was being guilt-tripped since she hung up on me. the event is in a year and ana has time to find somebody else to go with. i understand this event is important to her but i still feel weird going over that boundary in my relationship with tyra. i feel terrible for making ana cry since she is my friend. ana is very sensitive and can be explosive. i feel like i could be the a\\*hole for saying yes at first and then changing my mind after getting into a relationship. aita? [/INST] nta. ana needs to chill out. the event is in a year. i'm sure she can find someone else to go with her by then. you and tyra might not even be going out anymore by then. her reaction is way over the top for someone claiming that this was going to be purely platonic. </s>
AITA for not wanting a specific birthday gift	my wife hasn’t outright said i’m the asshole here, but she’s giving off that vibe in a big way so i wanted to check. so i recently booked a vacation for our kids and us to go to a local waterpark resort they love and we haven’t gone to since 2018... we were supposed to go in 2019, but it got closed temporarily like everything else and our trip was cancelled. my wife and i told the kids that it was our gift to them for handling online schooling so well along with everything else this past year and we’re set to go at the end of the summer. yesterday, while i was at work, my in-laws went over to visit with my wife and kids and mil said she had a great idea for what to get my wife and i for our 40th birthdays, which are both next month. my wife must’ve told them i booked the trip because mil said they wanted to pay for it. my wife told me about the gift idea when i got home, but i’m not really into it. the trip is a present from us to our kids that i already paid for (we have separate bank accounts but both work) and i think it’s weird to give a present that’s sort of a refund for a present being given to someone else. i told my wife to pass on a “no thanks” to her mom and dad, but my wife said her mom wasn’t offering, rather she was telling my wife what the gift was going to be. i don’t really want to argue because it is a lot of money (not that we’re hurting for money), but i also don’t feel like helping my mil out with her (imo) bad idea that i don’t like. i told my wife that her mom can go the website to get all the price info for the room, meals, other activities and figure out the price for gas if she actually wants to pay for the whole trip, which is when my wife asked why i’m being so difficult. i did not even broach the subject of whether or not the money that mil will potentially give to my wife will be paid back to me since i paid for the trip or if my wife is planning on keeping that money and making a profit. this is another gift in a long line of thoughtless gifts that have been given over the years, so i don’t see what’s wrong with politely saying no. but i’m usually an asshole about most things, so probably here too. so aita or is this a good idea from mil?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmxtpd/aita_for_not_wanting_a_specific_birthday_gift/	2021-05-28 13:27:05	nta overall. you could have left out the “go to the website and do the math yourself” bit, because no is a full sentence, but jeez. “i don’t want to sit and think about a good idea for birthday gifts, so i’m going to hijack your present to your kids!” if you guys were hurting for money, it would be great. you could just accept the money, use it to buy yourselves something y’all want, and then thank her for the gifts later. but i would in no way allow her to believe that the trip you are rewarding your kids with was paid from that money in any way.	hang on. your mil wants to pay you back for a trip you paid for and planned as a gift to your kids. she wants to so this as a birthday gift to you. but she also wants credit for gifting the trip to the kids? for your birthday??? no. if she wants to get the kids something, fine. but birthday gifts are gifts for the birthday person. nta, and your mil is a piece of work. how are you okay with your wife defending such behavior?	nta. if your mil wants to gift you and your family a trip, then she can do that, but this was your present. imagine if you'd gotten books for everyone (or anything else) and she shows up and expects that just because she's paying for it she can take ownership? that's not how trips work, and your wife should have your back on this. imo, it's pretty disrespectful from mil and from your wife.	nta. your mil is basically paying for your family trip and that's not really a birthday present. if mil wants to give you a cash gift for your birthday fine- call is a birthday present and let you decide how you want to spend it. it should also be given separately so you wife doesn't get your birthday present.	nta. you were polite. it's not like you threw a fit after unwrapping a gift at your bday present. just give your mil a call and explain to her personally you already planned and paid for the trip, but if she wants to book you something else, you'd appreciate it. they're trying. some people don't even try. any gift at all is nice, but if its something you already have and you're polite, let them know.	nta it isn’t even a gift for you two... it is a gift for the kids. why would any adult think this is a good gift?	nta. i agree with you, i think this is very lazy and boundary stomping. you did all the work planning, booking, paying, and now she just wants to throw money at you and get all the credit? there was additional mental and emotional labor that went into this gift, in addition to your time and money. i am shocked at all the y t a responses, when people usually make a point about considering emotional labor in other posts. your wife is also ta here, seems like it is easier for her to bully you on behalf of her mother than to tell her no. i bet this isn't the first instance of your mil boundary stomping or trying to hog credit to make herself look good. if your mil wants to give a gift like this, then she can plan it all out herself.	nta. your wife needs to get a spine and your in laws get some sense in what presents are nice to be gifted and not. it is not ok to steal someone else's gift and sell it like your idea. it is not about the money, gifts never are, it is about chosing a thoughtful gift that shows you know and love the people you give the gift to. let her gift you and your wife a couple's massage during your trip or an activity if they really want to be included in that trip, but not the trip. that is your gift to the kids.	nta. your mil wants credit form your awesome idea and work. tell her no thank you. if she wants to gift you cash, fine, nice of her. but not for the trip you planned for your kids.	nta…i am not sure how paying for (and insisting on taking the credit for) a fun trip the the kids is a gift for you and/or your wife? i mean, if money were an issue, then i would say that is maybe a gift, but you said money wasn’t a problem. so she isn’t giving you a gift and by saying it is, as well as by demanding she get credit for it makes her tah imho.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife hasn’t outright said i’m the asshole here, but she’s giving off that vibe in a big way so i wanted to check. so i recently booked a vacation for our kids and us to go to a local waterpark resort they love and we haven’t gone to since 2018... we were supposed to go in 2019, but it got closed temporarily like everything else and our trip was cancelled. my wife and i told the kids that it was our gift to them for handling online schooling so well along with everything else this past year and we’re set to go at the end of the summer. yesterday, while i was at work, my in-laws went over to visit with my wife and kids and mil said she had a great idea for what to get my wife and i for our 40th birthdays, which are both next month. my wife must’ve told them i booked the trip because mil said they wanted to pay for it. my wife told me about the gift idea when i got home, but i’m not really into it. the trip is a present from us to our kids that i already paid for (we have separate bank accounts but both work) and i think it’s weird to give a present that’s sort of a refund for a present being given to someone else. i told my wife to pass on a “no thanks” to her mom and dad, but my wife said her mom wasn’t offering, rather she was telling my wife what the gift was going to be. i don’t really want to argue because it is a lot of money (not that we’re hurting for money), but i also don’t feel like helping my mil out with her (imo) bad idea that i don’t like. i told my wife that her mom can go the website to get all the price info for the room, meals, other activities and figure out the price for gas if she actually wants to pay for the whole trip, which is when my wife asked why i’m being so difficult. i did not even broach the subject of whether or not the money that mil will potentially give to my wife will be paid back to me since i paid for the trip or if my wife is planning on keeping that money and making a profit. this is another gift in a long line of thoughtless gifts that have been given over the years, so i don’t see what’s wrong with politely saying no. but i’m usually an asshole about most things, so probably here too. so aita or is this a good idea from mil?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife hasn’t outright said i’m the asshole here, but she’s giving off that vibe in a big way so i wanted to check. so i recently booked a vacation for our kids and us to go to a local waterpark resort they love and we haven’t gone to since 2018... we were supposed to go in 2019, but it got closed temporarily like everything else and our trip was cancelled. my wife and i told the kids that it was our gift to them for handling online schooling so well along with everything else this past year and we’re set to go at the end of the summer. yesterday, while i was at work, my in-laws went over to visit with my wife and kids and mil said she had a great idea for what to get my wife and i for our 40th birthdays, which are both next month. my wife must’ve told them i booked the trip because mil said they wanted to pay for it. my wife told me about the gift idea when i got home, but i’m not really into it. the trip is a present from us to our kids that i already paid for (we have separate bank accounts but both work) and i think it’s weird to give a present that’s sort of a refund for a present being given to someone else. i told my wife to pass on a “no thanks” to her mom and dad, but my wife said her mom wasn’t offering, rather she was telling my wife what the gift was going to be. i don’t really want to argue because it is a lot of money (not that we’re hurting for money), but i also don’t feel like helping my mil out with her (imo) bad idea that i don’t like. i told my wife that her mom can go the website to get all the price info for the room, meals, other activities and figure out the price for gas if she actually wants to pay for the whole trip, which is when my wife asked why i’m being so difficult. i did not even broach the subject of whether or not the money that mil will potentially give to my wife will be paid back to me since i paid for the trip or if my wife is planning on keeping that money and making a profit. this is another gift in a long line of thoughtless gifts that have been given over the years, so i don’t see what’s wrong with politely saying no. but i’m usually an asshole about most things, so probably here too. so aita or is this a good idea from mil? [/INST] nta overall. you could have left out the “go to the website and do the math yourself” bit, because no is a full sentence, but jeez. “i don’t want to sit and think about a good idea for birthday gifts, so i’m going to hijack your present to your kids!” if you guys were hurting for money, it would be great. you could just accept the money, use it to buy yourselves something y’all want, and then thank her for the gifts later. but i would in no way allow her to believe that the trip you are rewarding your kids with was paid from that money in any way. </s>
AITA for not speaking to my brother after finding about he slept with my ex’s and getting kicked out of my home as the result ?	my mothers given me my notice for eviction as i live in a flat owned by her shared with my twin brother. for some background during my teenage years i had horrible relationships and they always ended in heartbreak, usually by being cheated on. i also live in a small town so following the breakups i would often have to see them at parties and with my friends which was a difficult time for me. my twin brother who i would say has a sex addiction has no issues in sleeping with two of my ex’s shortly after the breakups and subsequently ruined our relationship as twins. a few years past but i still felt very strongly about my attitude towards my twin as he’s never showed any remorse for his actions or the damage he did to me emotionally. shortly after a covid lockdown i found out he had also slept with my previous long term girlfriend in the early stages of our relationship. this really tore me and brought back a lot of unresolved feelings, and as a result i have snot spoken to him in about a month and refuse to reconcile the relationship till he apologises or i feel i have resolved my own feelings. my mother feels that i need to grow up and get over myself and it’s now after a recent argument she’s told me i need to move out, aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pvkorb/aita_for_not_speaking_to_my_brother_after_finding/	2021-09-26 02:12:28	nta ditch them both. one thing that you should learn from being cheated on, especially when they try to apologize or say it won't happen again, is to drop toxicity like a hot potato. use that experience with your brother, and mother who thinks it's no big deal that your brother had an affair with your gf while you two were dating.	nta he should have your back, he doesn’t. you don’t need a toxic person in your life. it’s up to him to make changes and try to be back in your life, until he does this steer well clear. might be worth seeing a therapist to discuss things with as this all sounds like a massive breach of trust.	wait, he did these things, won't apologize or anything, and your mom thinks you're the one being a dick? she's awful, just like him nta	nta. you’d still be nta if you cut all ties with both of them and never spoke to either again. and definitely look into counseling.	absolutely nta your mother sucks for showing such clear favoritism. move out and never speak to either of them again get some therapy to help you with healing and learning that sometimes “family” is not worth the heartache	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mothers given me my notice for eviction as i live in a flat owned by her shared with my twin brother. for some background during my teenage years i had horrible relationships and they always ended in heartbreak, usually by being cheated on. i also live in a small town so following the breakups i would often have to see them at parties and with my friends which was a difficult time for me. my twin brother who i would say has a sex addiction has no issues in sleeping with two of my ex’s shortly after the breakups and subsequently ruined our relationship as twins. a few years past but i still felt very strongly about my attitude towards my twin as he’s never showed any remorse for his actions or the damage he did to me emotionally. shortly after a covid lockdown i found out he had also slept with my previous long term girlfriend in the early stages of our relationship. this really tore me and brought back a lot of unresolved feelings, and as a result i have snot spoken to him in about a month and refuse to reconcile the relationship till he apologises or i feel i have resolved my own feelings. my mother feels that i need to grow up and get over myself and it’s now after a recent argument she’s told me i need to move out, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mothers given me my notice for eviction as i live in a flat owned by her shared with my twin brother. for some background during my teenage years i had horrible relationships and they always ended in heartbreak, usually by being cheated on. i also live in a small town so following the breakups i would often have to see them at parties and with my friends which was a difficult time for me. my twin brother who i would say has a sex addiction has no issues in sleeping with two of my ex’s shortly after the breakups and subsequently ruined our relationship as twins. a few years past but i still felt very strongly about my attitude towards my twin as he’s never showed any remorse for his actions or the damage he did to me emotionally. shortly after a covid lockdown i found out he had also slept with my previous long term girlfriend in the early stages of our relationship. this really tore me and brought back a lot of unresolved feelings, and as a result i have snot spoken to him in about a month and refuse to reconcile the relationship till he apologises or i feel i have resolved my own feelings. my mother feels that i need to grow up and get over myself and it’s now after a recent argument she’s told me i need to move out, aita? [/INST] nta ditch them both. one thing that you should learn from being cheated on, especially when they try to apologize or say it won't happen again, is to drop toxicity like a hot potato. use that experience with your brother, and mother who thinks it's no big deal that your brother had an affair with your gf while you two were dating. </s>
WIBTA if I told my mom either my husband comes with me to her wedding or I don’t come at all	i am 20, my husband is 21 and my mom will be 46 this year, just so you know ages. for some context, my mom and i havent had a good relationship from the beginning. my brother passed 2 years ago and 7 months after he passed i moved states to live with my then boyfriend, now husband. she went off on me because i didn’t give her a warning and tried lying saying i was going to visit. we went no contact for a year after she said some really hurtful things you would never expect your mom to say. after a year of no contact with my mom, she got back in touch with me and ive been trying to work on our relationship but its hard to do that when she hates my husband for the reason of “he stole her daughter away from her”. i visited her for mothers day and while intoxicated she asked me to be her bridesmaid, not having any other choice at the moment i said yes and brought up my husband coming with me. which she proceeded to tell me no he’s not allowed and i’m trying to make her wedding about me. even though she invited my ex to her wedding. i tried reasoning with her and reminded her that me and my husband would eventually have a ceremony and it would be nice to have her there and her response was she would not be there at all. which mine and my husbands 2 year anniversary is the 19th while her wedding is the 22nd and due to his job that would be when we could celebrate. so, would i be the asshole if i give her that ultimatum?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtby7v/wibta_if_i_told_my_mom_either_my_husband_comes/	2022-10-02 01:30:22	nta. your mother should expect and respect the fact that her married daughter would want her husband to attend a wedding with her.	nta. he is your husband and a permanent part of your life. she needs to accept it or be ready to see you a whole lot less	nta. he’s your husband, it would be weird if he didn’t come. it seems like your mom wants a relationship that’s entirely on her terms. establishing your own parameters doesn’t make you an asshole.	nta. it’s never wrong to stand up for yourself or your loved one. your mother is being really controlling. it’s baffling to me how someone is upset that “someone stole their daughter away”, and then they proceed to do a number of things that push you even further away. she sounds very toxic and i’m so sorry you have to deal with that. it seems like you’re already doing a good job of managing her. you went no contact when you needed to and now you’re not letting her push you around with these demands. i think you needed a little reassurance today, and i’m glad to give it to you. you’re doing great. whatever happens, i hope you make the choice that feels right for you. congratulations on the marriage and good luck with everything 💜	nta. but don’t give her an ultimatum. just don’t go to her wedding. you know it’s going to be a shit show with her in the starring role. stay home.	actually, you don't give the ultimatum. you already tried. you stay home because she refused your husband, and you have to choose your husband.	your mom is causing division. you're right to stick with what felt right to you. stick with the family first.your mom is ... deliberately creating unnecessary drama. inviting your ex, but not your husband?! what kind of disrespect is that?!you had really good reasons for your choices, for the nc. your mom a narc? if not she sounds very self centered. gave me some flashback of because i said so movie. nta	nta. he's your husband, he's family. she needs to accept that and stop being childish.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 20, my husband is 21 and my mom will be 46 this year, just so you know ages. for some context, my mom and i havent had a good relationship from the beginning. my brother passed 2 years ago and 7 months after he passed i moved states to live with my then boyfriend, now husband. she went off on me because i didn’t give her a warning and tried lying saying i was going to visit. we went no contact for a year after she said some really hurtful things you would never expect your mom to say. after a year of no contact with my mom, she got back in touch with me and ive been trying to work on our relationship but its hard to do that when she hates my husband for the reason of “he stole her daughter away from her”. i visited her for mothers day and while intoxicated she asked me to be her bridesmaid, not having any other choice at the moment i said yes and brought up my husband coming with me. which she proceeded to tell me no he’s not allowed and i’m trying to make her wedding about me. even though she invited my ex to her wedding. i tried reasoning with her and reminded her that me and my husband would eventually have a ceremony and it would be nice to have her there and her response was she would not be there at all. which mine and my husbands 2 year anniversary is the 19th while her wedding is the 22nd and due to his job that would be when we could celebrate. so, would i be the asshole if i give her that ultimatum?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am 20, my husband is 21 and my mom will be 46 this year, just so you know ages. for some context, my mom and i havent had a good relationship from the beginning. my brother passed 2 years ago and 7 months after he passed i moved states to live with my then boyfriend, now husband. she went off on me because i didn’t give her a warning and tried lying saying i was going to visit. we went no contact for a year after she said some really hurtful things you would never expect your mom to say. after a year of no contact with my mom, she got back in touch with me and ive been trying to work on our relationship but its hard to do that when she hates my husband for the reason of “he stole her daughter away from her”. i visited her for mothers day and while intoxicated she asked me to be her bridesmaid, not having any other choice at the moment i said yes and brought up my husband coming with me. which she proceeded to tell me no he’s not allowed and i’m trying to make her wedding about me. even though she invited my ex to her wedding. i tried reasoning with her and reminded her that me and my husband would eventually have a ceremony and it would be nice to have her there and her response was she would not be there at all. which mine and my husbands 2 year anniversary is the 19th while her wedding is the 22nd and due to his job that would be when we could celebrate. so, would i be the asshole if i give her that ultimatum? [/INST] nta. your mother should expect and respect the fact that her married daughter would want her husband to attend a wedding with her. </s>
AITA For being upset with my bf after him quiting his first job in years	my (22f) bf (22m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. he's been unemployed and hasn't gone to school for almost 3 years now. i try to be supportive and be patient because he is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but it's been getting difficult. he got a job 3 weeks ago as a busboy. i was really excited for him to be doing something other than video games. as days passed he talked about small altercations with his boss. today he told me that he quit. apparently he was going to eat a sandwich after his shift, but his boss told him to leave. my bf got upset after the boss yelled at him, asked why he couldn't sit there (he didn't receive a response), and quit. my bf came home complaining of eating cold food. i told him that his boss was rude, but he should have handled it better. i told him that he should have at least been nice until he found another job, but he refused to see his fault in it. i am just frustrated because i was really hoping this job would stick for a little while longer. he is upset with me for not being in his side. he said he was sticking up for himself. maybe i should have been more supportive? i am not sure. aita? i apologise for the mobile formating.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4q0nt/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_bf_after_him_quiting/	2019-06-24 15:39:16	nta. the fact that he hasn't worked in 3 years and then quits a few weeks into a job is definitely on him. he obviously has zero interest in working. you really need to consider whether you are willing to support him financially forever.	nta, and get out now. i'm not joking. you're only 22. you've got a lot of life ahead of you and spending it with a human leech like this is going to suck it away. (i made the mistake of being in a relationship like that for 10 years. it never got better.)	nta. your boyfriend sounds like a loser. this is something that's almost excusable when you're 14 years old but he is 22 and it's time to grow up and support yourself.	nta. fucker's 22, he needs to have a thicker skin. if he can't handle a simple powertripping boss (or possibly not even powertripping - if he wanted to sit out in the dining area and eat his sandwich i could see why the boss might object, taking up a table and misrepresenting the restaurant's food), he needs to grow the fuck up because he's not going to survive in the working world. he's going to give gen-z a bad name.	nta - if you're having a hard time landing a job it's sadly reality that you have to suck up & accept shit time from time to time. sadly standing up for yourself doesn't pay the bills.	nta, his parents are for enabling this behavior, and continuing to support him playing video games all day instead of contributing to society.	nta. he’s 22. time to grow the fuck up.	nta. you're in a relationship with a basic loser. i hope you're not financially supporting him, too.	nta. i think he should have kept his job, but that industry sucks for workers sometimes. my sister, a bartender, was once told to never consume anything within sight of the customers. she was scolded for sipping her glass of water on the job. she even kept the water out of sight under the bar unless she needed a sip. weird stuff.	nta, but info please: who is paying all the bills? do you live together? i'd definitely stop paying his bills and enabling him if you're paying his way. i wouldn't get a job if someone was taking care of of all my responsibilities! edited to correct the autocorrect.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (22f) bf (22m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. he's been unemployed and hasn't gone to school for almost 3 years now. i try to be supportive and be patient because he is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but it's been getting difficult. he got a job 3 weeks ago as a busboy. i was really excited for him to be doing something other than video games. as days passed he talked about small altercations with his boss. today he told me that he quit. apparently he was going to eat a sandwich after his shift, but his boss told him to leave. my bf got upset after the boss yelled at him, asked why he couldn't sit there (he didn't receive a response), and quit. my bf came home complaining of eating cold food. i told him that his boss was rude, but he should have handled it better. i told him that he should have at least been nice until he found another job, but he refused to see his fault in it. i am just frustrated because i was really hoping this job would stick for a little while longer. he is upset with me for not being in his side. he said he was sticking up for himself. maybe i should have been more supportive? i am not sure. aita? i apologise for the mobile formating.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (22f) bf (22m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. he's been unemployed and hasn't gone to school for almost 3 years now. i try to be supportive and be patient because he is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but it's been getting difficult. he got a job 3 weeks ago as a busboy. i was really excited for him to be doing something other than video games. as days passed he talked about small altercations with his boss. today he told me that he quit. apparently he was going to eat a sandwich after his shift, but his boss told him to leave. my bf got upset after the boss yelled at him, asked why he couldn't sit there (he didn't receive a response), and quit. my bf came home complaining of eating cold food. i told him that his boss was rude, but he should have handled it better. i told him that he should have at least been nice until he found another job, but he refused to see his fault in it. i am just frustrated because i was really hoping this job would stick for a little while longer. he is upset with me for not being in his side. he said he was sticking up for himself. maybe i should have been more supportive? i am not sure. aita? i apologise for the mobile formating. [/INST] nta. the fact that he hasn't worked in 3 years and then quits a few weeks into a job is definitely on him. he obviously has zero interest in working. you really need to consider whether you are willing to support him financially forever. </s>
AITA for not seating my grandparents ahead of my kids?	my grandparents are both 90, grandpa had to quit driving years ago due to dementia and grandma just had to quit last year because she was getting overwhelmed by it and felt it was time. they’re both still in decent health and can go out (taking current events into account, of course) but it requires someone else to tote them, other family steps in to take them out, deal with shopping and appointments, etc. well, i decided to take my grandparents to a parade today, something they always loved. all was well until my cousin met up with us while we were parking and saw us getting out of the car. she started immediately asked “what are they doing in the backseat?” and started going off about my family “not respecting our elders” because they were in the back seat, i was driving & my husband was in the passenger seat, and our kids (boy age 8, girl age 5) were in the middle. i pointed out that my kids are in car seats and there was no point in going through the hassle of moving them and reinstalling them in the back for a 15 minute car ride. cousin said that it’s just not the way it works, i’m teaching my kids to be disrespectful, and people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. yes, growing up we always gave up seats for our elders, that’s something i taught my kids as well, but i don’t see how this applies to cars when it’s not like my kids had a choice in where they sit anyway, i mean it’s not like they called shotgun and shoved grandma out the way or something...i also don’t see how any one seat is more uncomfortable than any other, this is a newer car, a seat is a seat. but my cousin won’t let up and even asked my grandparents twice if they wanted her to take them home instead. she kept making comments the whole time (through a parade, so i could barely hear her sometimes and she just kept talking). it was really making me uncomfortable and my husband really just thought my cousin was insane, so i texted my brother about it and he too said it was a matter of respect, albeit he said it nicer than my cousin. so now i’m really starting to feel bad and questioning if i unknowingly committed some unspoken sin. was i the a-hole and teaching my kids bad habits?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pjazqu/aita_for_not_seating_my_grandparents_ahead_of_my/	2021-09-06 23:20:25	nta. >people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. i love how people can say this sort of nonsense with absolute certainty that their weird obsessions about social hierarchy and manners are somehow universal truths. ignore your cousin. she's being ridiculous.	i’m guessing cousin and brother don’t have kids? i think everyone else would understand about car seats, especially during a short ride. heck i don’t have kids, but my friends do so i know how annoying car seats are. i’m assuming your grandparents were able to get into the back easily? if not, that’s the only reason i’d move the seats. nta	no, you’re nta. car seats are a pin to move and i can’t even begin to imagine the contortionism you’d have to go through to get them properly fastened in the very back. this is disregarding the fact that they may get fussy and need attention which your partner can give by simply turning around. grandma and granddad will be fine.	nta. childseats dictate seating position. your cousin is being a dick. there was no disrespect until your cousin opened their mouth to disrespect you for doing something nice.	nta my goodness, why would anyone make a ridiculous amount of work for themselves for no reason like that? it’s important to be able to see your children in case of an emergency. if anyone is offended that you don’t want to spend an hour shuffling seats around each time you see your grandparents then they should reorganize their priorities.	i see both points of view, but no need for your cousin to be a cow about it. no, anyone who has used car seats would agree it isn’t worth it for a short trip. i’m sure they were fine. maybe you could have asked husband to let one of the grandparents up front? but no, nta. if cousin is so salty then next time they can drive. i’m sure the grandparents liked being next to the kids anyways	nta- baby car sets are a pain the ass to change around. if most of the family feels this way then just apologise to keep the peace and put them in the prizes seats next time. your cousin sounds like a handful.	nta. it would be unreasonable to move two car seats for a shirt drive, and it would be just as unreasonable to keep the car seats permanently in the back row just in case you had to tote elderly relatives around. ignore your cousin and anyone else coming at you for this. just refuse. to engage on it. it's not worth the fight.	> people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. where the heck is that from? being sensible, the passenger choices are something like: passenger seat at the front (1) child seats in the middle (2) passenger seats at the back (2) based on which it'd be nuts to do anything other than what you did. nta. if cousin has such a bug up her butt about it, i can't imagine you'd be fussed if she was the one to go out of her way to give them a lift next time?	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandparents are both 90, grandpa had to quit driving years ago due to dementia and grandma just had to quit last year because she was getting overwhelmed by it and felt it was time. they’re both still in decent health and can go out (taking current events into account, of course) but it requires someone else to tote them, other family steps in to take them out, deal with shopping and appointments, etc. well, i decided to take my grandparents to a parade today, something they always loved. all was well until my cousin met up with us while we were parking and saw us getting out of the car. she started immediately asked “what are they doing in the backseat?” and started going off about my family “not respecting our elders” because they were in the back seat, i was driving & my husband was in the passenger seat, and our kids (boy age 8, girl age 5) were in the middle. i pointed out that my kids are in car seats and there was no point in going through the hassle of moving them and reinstalling them in the back for a 15 minute car ride. cousin said that it’s just not the way it works, i’m teaching my kids to be disrespectful, and people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. yes, growing up we always gave up seats for our elders, that’s something i taught my kids as well, but i don’t see how this applies to cars when it’s not like my kids had a choice in where they sit anyway, i mean it’s not like they called shotgun and shoved grandma out the way or something...i also don’t see how any one seat is more uncomfortable than any other, this is a newer car, a seat is a seat. but my cousin won’t let up and even asked my grandparents twice if they wanted her to take them home instead. she kept making comments the whole time (through a parade, so i could barely hear her sometimes and she just kept talking). it was really making me uncomfortable and my husband really just thought my cousin was insane, so i texted my brother about it and he too said it was a matter of respect, albeit he said it nicer than my cousin. so now i’m really starting to feel bad and questioning if i unknowingly committed some unspoken sin. was i the a-hole and teaching my kids bad habits?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my grandparents are both 90, grandpa had to quit driving years ago due to dementia and grandma just had to quit last year because she was getting overwhelmed by it and felt it was time. they’re both still in decent health and can go out (taking current events into account, of course) but it requires someone else to tote them, other family steps in to take them out, deal with shopping and appointments, etc. well, i decided to take my grandparents to a parade today, something they always loved. all was well until my cousin met up with us while we were parking and saw us getting out of the car. she started immediately asked “what are they doing in the backseat?” and started going off about my family “not respecting our elders” because they were in the back seat, i was driving & my husband was in the passenger seat, and our kids (boy age 8, girl age 5) were in the middle. i pointed out that my kids are in car seats and there was no point in going through the hassle of moving them and reinstalling them in the back for a 15 minute car ride. cousin said that it’s just not the way it works, i’m teaching my kids to be disrespectful, and people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. yes, growing up we always gave up seats for our elders, that’s something i taught my kids as well, but i don’t see how this applies to cars when it’s not like my kids had a choice in where they sit anyway, i mean it’s not like they called shotgun and shoved grandma out the way or something...i also don’t see how any one seat is more uncomfortable than any other, this is a newer car, a seat is a seat. but my cousin won’t let up and even asked my grandparents twice if they wanted her to take them home instead. she kept making comments the whole time (through a parade, so i could barely hear her sometimes and she just kept talking). it was really making me uncomfortable and my husband really just thought my cousin was insane, so i texted my brother about it and he too said it was a matter of respect, albeit he said it nicer than my cousin. so now i’m really starting to feel bad and questioning if i unknowingly committed some unspoken sin. was i the a-hole and teaching my kids bad habits? [/INST] nta. >people are supposed to be loaded into a car in descending order of age. i love how people can say this sort of nonsense with absolute certainty that their weird obsessions about social hierarchy and manners are somehow universal truths. ignore your cousin. she's being ridiculous. </s>
AITA for laughing at roommate while she complained about failing a class she put no effort into. And telling her she's lazy and it's her own fault?	both of my roommates wont talk to me right now. i don't think i did anything wrong. last night my roommate was complaining about a class she failed last semester. it was a introduction to film elective she had decided to take for some reason. to my knowledge she has no interest in film at all and she told me she was taking it for an "easy a". well, the professor she got was a apparently pretty successful indie film director who took the class very serious. she got a 31% in the class and has been extremely salty about it. here's the thing though. she didn't try, like, at all. the classes grade is based almost entirely on 2 things. the first is watching films and doing in class discussions on them, and instead of any exams the professor had everyone make a 2-4 minute "short film" that just had them show some techniques they learned from the class. my roommate watched about half of the films and then made her film in the last 48 hours before it was due. i don't want to be mean to her, but both me and my other roommate pretty much agree she got the grade she deserved. this tanked her gpa and she lost her scholarship this semester. so back to last night. me and my roommates were watching tv when we decided to start talking about our new professors. pretty quickly my roommate began to bitch about the film class and the professor that taught it. she called him pretty much every name in the book and claimed he was out to get her. i burst out laughing at this and called her crazy because i thought she was joking. she was not. it devolved into a fight between me and her where i told her that it was her own fault and that she if she wasn't lazy she would have been fine. she stormed off and locked herself in her room after that and has avoided me since. my other roommate said i was a total asshole and that it's none of my business so i should have just let her rant. i don't agree. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elv2z4/aita_for_laughing_at_roommate_while_she/	2020-01-08 16:36:05	esh sure she could have put more effort in and sure you are technically correct but you are still an asshole. ever heard of tact? what did you achieve by being a dick? the phrase “you aren’t wrong, you are just an asshole” comes to mind	yta. she was venting, and you were a dick. classic "you're not wrong, but you are an asshole"	esh. she's clearly upset and not being rational about the situation, but losing a scholarship is a big deal. she needs your support now, not ridicule	nta in my opinion. she sounds like she need to grow up/be more mature. she's refusing to take responsibility for the fact that she did no work and thus got no credit.	yta - sometimes you don't need to be right, sometimes you've just got to let people bitch. the only purpose of what you said was to be mean.	nta while i know some people are aware they messed up and just want to complain anyway, she had no right cursing out a teachers name and blaming him when she’s the one who didn’t do the work. he sounded like an awesome teacher who did give an easy a if you actually did the work. my film class was watching films, discussion, writing a 10 page short script and maybe one test. some people just need a kick back to reality.	esh shes probably still trying to figure out what the hell she's going to do without her scholarship and she's looking to blame anyone but herself. easy to blame the professor, even if it was ultimately her fault. probably didn't need to laugh in her face about it.	nta - when you rant and rave, you make it my business.	yta. "i don't want to be mean to her, but ...and she lost her scholarship this semester" laughing at her losing her scholarship for the semester is pretty much mean as shit. she was just ranting for herself not writing a review.	yta you can be truthful and still an asshole	ESH	YTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	YTA	YTA	0.474805	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: both of my roommates wont talk to me right now. i don't think i did anything wrong. last night my roommate was complaining about a class she failed last semester. it was a introduction to film elective she had decided to take for some reason. to my knowledge she has no interest in film at all and she told me she was taking it for an "easy a". well, the professor she got was a apparently pretty successful indie film director who took the class very serious. she got a 31% in the class and has been extremely salty about it. here's the thing though. she didn't try, like, at all. the classes grade is based almost entirely on 2 things. the first is watching films and doing in class discussions on them, and instead of any exams the professor had everyone make a 2-4 minute "short film" that just had them show some techniques they learned from the class. my roommate watched about half of the films and then made her film in the last 48 hours before it was due. i don't want to be mean to her, but both me and my other roommate pretty much agree she got the grade she deserved. this tanked her gpa and she lost her scholarship this semester. so back to last night. me and my roommates were watching tv when we decided to start talking about our new professors. pretty quickly my roommate began to bitch about the film class and the professor that taught it. she called him pretty much every name in the book and claimed he was out to get her. i burst out laughing at this and called her crazy because i thought she was joking. she was not. it devolved into a fight between me and her where i told her that it was her own fault and that she if she wasn't lazy she would have been fine. she stormed off and locked herself in her room after that and has avoided me since. my other roommate said i was a total asshole and that it's none of my business so i should have just let her rant. i don't agree. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> both of my roommates wont talk to me right now. i don't think i did anything wrong. last night my roommate was complaining about a class she failed last semester. it was a introduction to film elective she had decided to take for some reason. to my knowledge she has no interest in film at all and she told me she was taking it for an "easy a". well, the professor she got was a apparently pretty successful indie film director who took the class very serious. she got a 31% in the class and has been extremely salty about it. here's the thing though. she didn't try, like, at all. the classes grade is based almost entirely on 2 things. the first is watching films and doing in class discussions on them, and instead of any exams the professor had everyone make a 2-4 minute "short film" that just had them show some techniques they learned from the class. my roommate watched about half of the films and then made her film in the last 48 hours before it was due. i don't want to be mean to her, but both me and my other roommate pretty much agree she got the grade she deserved. this tanked her gpa and she lost her scholarship this semester. so back to last night. me and my roommates were watching tv when we decided to start talking about our new professors. pretty quickly my roommate began to bitch about the film class and the professor that taught it. she called him pretty much every name in the book and claimed he was out to get her. i burst out laughing at this and called her crazy because i thought she was joking. she was not. it devolved into a fight between me and her where i told her that it was her own fault and that she if she wasn't lazy she would have been fine. she stormed off and locked herself in her room after that and has avoided me since. my other roommate said i was a total asshole and that it's none of my business so i should have just let her rant. i don't agree. aita? [/INST] esh sure she could have put more effort in and sure you are technically correct but you are still an asshole. ever heard of tact? what did you achieve by being a dick? the phrase “you aren’t wrong, you are just an asshole” comes to mind </s>
AITA for bringing my wife nothing but rice to eat	ok, my wife insisted that i post this story here because she wants to prove to me that i was ta here. my wife has an ear infection and it is quite painful and after finally agreeing to see the doctor today, has been prescribed antibiotics. tonight she didn’t feel like eating dinner, but needs to eat some food before taking the antibiotics. since she decided to just go off to bed, the foods i was prepared to take into bed to her was limited. we had cooked some rice tonight and i thought that that would be fit for purpose. taking the rice and medicine into the bedroom to her however made her very mad at me. basically ending in a stalemate or me telling her to “eat her medicine” with her responding “shan’t”. honestly, you wouldn’t know we were both nearing 40.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jtfnfb/aita_for_bringing_my_wife_nothing_but_rice_to_eat/	2020-11-13 11:49:18	nta. this is the type of shit married people argue over?	nta you made something plain and simple just so she could take her medicine; that's a really caring gesture. she's blowing up over nothing and acting as a child	nta. she said she didn't feel like eating dinner. you knew she needed something with her meds despite her not wanting to eat. why would she complain about the rice if she actually did want you to cook her a full dinner?	nta- your wife acted like a child and somehow you become the a? i recently got over an infection and while it was bad i ate nothing but crackers for like 2/3 day and yeah, pouted about taking my meds. but i did it. because i’m an adult.	she basically acted like a toddler with her stubbornness towards medical suggestions. that's on top of the childishness of telling you what food she wants, not eating what she specifically asked for then getting mad at you that the alternative food wasn't good enough. i can sympathise that her being unwell made her feel off, with regards wanting food, but she's a grown woman and should really know that she has to do what's best for her medically suggested treatment plan. i actually can't believe i have to write that sentence being honest, nta.	nta - ear infections are horrible, but just because they are more common in children doesn't mean that acting like a child is a side effect of having one.	i’m rolling my eyes here. anyone else?	i n f o: what reason did she give?	nta. she can make her own food if she wants specific things.	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, my wife insisted that i post this story here because she wants to prove to me that i was ta here. my wife has an ear infection and it is quite painful and after finally agreeing to see the doctor today, has been prescribed antibiotics. tonight she didn’t feel like eating dinner, but needs to eat some food before taking the antibiotics. since she decided to just go off to bed, the foods i was prepared to take into bed to her was limited. we had cooked some rice tonight and i thought that that would be fit for purpose. taking the rice and medicine into the bedroom to her however made her very mad at me. basically ending in a stalemate or me telling her to “eat her medicine” with her responding “shan’t”. honestly, you wouldn’t know we were both nearing 40.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> ok, my wife insisted that i post this story here because she wants to prove to me that i was ta here. my wife has an ear infection and it is quite painful and after finally agreeing to see the doctor today, has been prescribed antibiotics. tonight she didn’t feel like eating dinner, but needs to eat some food before taking the antibiotics. since she decided to just go off to bed, the foods i was prepared to take into bed to her was limited. we had cooked some rice tonight and i thought that that would be fit for purpose. taking the rice and medicine into the bedroom to her however made her very mad at me. basically ending in a stalemate or me telling her to “eat her medicine” with her responding “shan’t”. honestly, you wouldn’t know we were both nearing 40. [/INST] nta. this is the type of shit married people argue over? </s>
AITA Fiancé accused me of punishing her by punishing my son... I don’t know what to think anymore.	so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety. today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him. our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.” at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole. in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bygy04/aita_fiancé_accused_me_of_punishing_her_by/	2019-06-09 05:15:00	nta but your fiancee is. especially to your son. he cannot understand all that gibberish about going to the movie or not. too many steps, way too much cause and effect that is well beyond the comprehension of a kid his age. that doesn't kick in until a few years into elementary school so no matter what, she set your kid up for failure.	info: maybe you should try talking to her about the discipline thing? but other than that nta. your fiancé could’ve easily gone to the movies by themself, or just followed through as you had	nta im a mom to an almost 2yo and i feel like being consistent about disciplining a toddler is important. she was the one that brought up the punishment and is mad at you for going through with it seems unfair.	nta it's just really unfortunate, she makes a threat, you follow through on it, she's upset you took her seriously. a message for parents, don't make empty threats. if your kid decides it's worth it and you weren't serious, you dug yourself in hole.	esh. you two need to work on your communication. clearly you had different plans and expectations of the night. had you known she wanted to go to the movies, you could have prepared your son for it, to avoid the meltdown. you should also communicate whether it’s alright to need a break after work, or if there’s other duties to care for first. the reason you both suck, is because communication is a two way street. you need to work together and help one another. the only loser in this is your son. he gets mixed signals. dad says he can play with his friend, then mom comes along and demands a movie, for her own sake. it’s not what your son needs, it’s what she needs. he gets upset, and mom and dad argues. you need to work together, so you don’t undermine each other.	she’s a bad parent. nta	null	null	null	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	ESH	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.105326	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety. today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him. our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.” at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole. in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so some backstory of our situation. i have been home from work with my 3 year old son for about 2 weeks for some mental health issues. i’ve been seeing a therapist that tells me to be consistent with our son in his discipline and support things my fiancé says she needs help with to reduce my anxiety. today was all about playtime while mom has been at work til about 2pm. she gets home and i’m grateful so that she can play with our son so i can get some things done uninterrupted. instead she just takes a nap... for three hours. disappointed, i continued to entertain him. our neighbors brought their kids over and they were playing well and i could finally focus on my to do list. nope. my fiancé comes out and says “we’re done playing kiddo, gotta go to the movies!” he started crying and then she states “we’re going inside no matter what. you can listen, go inside and go to the movies or... throw a tantrum, go inside, and stay home.” at this point he’s hitting and in full 3 year old meltdown. this continues until the time we were supposed to leave has passed. i tell him that he lost the movies for hitting mom, the time has passed and you missed it, but he can continue playing with his friend. my fiancé then blamed me for ruining her night even though she told him staying home would be the punishment. i followed through and tried to support her by listening and staying consistent. now i’m called the asshole. in that time, me and my son went on a walk, had bath time, and put him to sleep with toy story, all of which she could have accompanied us in. i don’t know what to think of this or of myself. am i the asshole partner ruining her life or am i trying to do the right thing for my son? or is my perception fucked up somewhere? [/INST] nta but your fiancee is. especially to your son. he cannot understand all that gibberish about going to the movie or not. too many steps, way too much cause and effect that is well beyond the comprehension of a kid his age. that doesn't kick in until a few years into elementary school so no matter what, she set your kid up for failure. </s>
WIBTA if I asked for a refund for the cost of my bridesmaid dress, due to a cancelled wedding?	i am (was?) in a good friend’s wedding. i’ll call her lindsay. lindsay’s original wedding date was august 15. we live in the us. she postponed it one year, but had a very small ceremony with just her and her now husband’s parents on the original date. she planned to have her huge wedding still. we had picked out our bridesmaids dresses last january (2020), right after lindsay got engaged. lindsay and her husband made the decision last week to forgo their huge ceremony. they said “we’re married. we love y’all but our ceremony was enough for us.” which, fair enough. only? my bridesmaid dress was $400. my husband wants me to at least ask her to refund part of it. i’d love to recoup some of it, too. but i don’t want to come across like a stingy asshole.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lvkw87/wibta_if_i_asked_for_a_refund_for_the_cost_of_my/	2021-03-01 21:20:24	nah. that's a tough situation,but at this point i would sell the dress and count this as a covid loss. she didn't intend to trick anyone, covid is to blame. and she no doubt lost a lot of money and let's face it, really got unlucky with timing. no one could have predicted this. the only fault i see is whoa that's an expensive dress, but you agreed to the expense. maybe you try and sell them, or maybe you all get dressed up and take her out for a goofy celebration in the dresses when covid ends and try and make the best of a bad situation.	info: did she choose the bridesmaid dress and made the bridesmaids pay for it?	nah, just remember they might of lost thousands. you asking them to take a bigger loss might strain your relationship.	nta- especially in these times when money is hard on a lot of people it's fair not to be expected to just eat $400 because she changed her mind. never hurts to ask.	nah. she’d be a good friend if she offered to pay something. and you’d be a good friend by leaving it be. asking her directly is unlikely to end well.	i don't know, it somewhat depends for me on everyone's financial situation. times are hard. at a minimum, i think it's fair to count it as your wedding gift, if you haven't given another. nah, i guess?	does it suck that they had to cancel their big wedding plans due to the pandemic? yes! (and good on them for making the safest decision for all!) does it also suck that the bridesmaids now have these expensive, unused dresses, which usually have to be pre-ordered well ahead of time? also yes! i think what you have suggested, asking for a refund of half the cost of the dress, is the most fair thing to do for everyone. since you haven’t asked and they haven’t responded yet, i am voting nah. if they refuse, then i would say n t a.	nah but be tactful, it sucks for her as well that covid screwed her original plans. maybe let her know that you'll try to sell the dress (maybe waiting until ppl are attending events again so there's more of a market for this stuff) to minimise the loss... then the ball's in her court - a good friend would say "let me know what you get for it, i'm happy to pay the rest / pay for half". a less good friend would say "cool hope that works out for you". if you haven't bought her a wedding gift yet then i'd probably decide on how $$$ a gift to get based on how that exchange goes ;)	info are you willing to give up the friendship over this ?	i will never understand why it's socially acceptable for a couple to require their friends and family to shell out bucks deluxe to be in their wedding party. it's insane that you should have to pay $400 for a dress you'll just wear once for somebody's else's special occasion, even if the wedding did go through. i get that this is the way things are, but i think it's absurd and i would never have the gall to ask someone to spend this kind of money on a party in my honor. nta. they're saving so much money on not having a wedding, they can afford to pay you back for a dress you only bought because of her.	NAH	INFO	NAH	NTA	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	INFO	NTA	0.079057	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am (was?) in a good friend’s wedding. i’ll call her lindsay. lindsay’s original wedding date was august 15. we live in the us. she postponed it one year, but had a very small ceremony with just her and her now husband’s parents on the original date. she planned to have her huge wedding still. we had picked out our bridesmaids dresses last january (2020), right after lindsay got engaged. lindsay and her husband made the decision last week to forgo their huge ceremony. they said “we’re married. we love y’all but our ceremony was enough for us.” which, fair enough. only? my bridesmaid dress was $400. my husband wants me to at least ask her to refund part of it. i’d love to recoup some of it, too. but i don’t want to come across like a stingy asshole.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am (was?) in a good friend’s wedding. i’ll call her lindsay. lindsay’s original wedding date was august 15. we live in the us. she postponed it one year, but had a very small ceremony with just her and her now husband’s parents on the original date. she planned to have her huge wedding still. we had picked out our bridesmaids dresses last january (2020), right after lindsay got engaged. lindsay and her husband made the decision last week to forgo their huge ceremony. they said “we’re married. we love y’all but our ceremony was enough for us.” which, fair enough. only? my bridesmaid dress was $400. my husband wants me to at least ask her to refund part of it. i’d love to recoup some of it, too. but i don’t want to come across like a stingy asshole. [/INST] nah. that's a tough situation,but at this point i would sell the dress and count this as a covid loss. she didn't intend to trick anyone, covid is to blame. and she no doubt lost a lot of money and let's face it, really got unlucky with timing. no one could have predicted this. the only fault i see is whoa that's an expensive dress, but you agreed to the expense. maybe you try and sell them, or maybe you all get dressed up and take her out for a goofy celebration in the dresses when covid ends and try and make the best of a bad situation. </s>
AITA for questioning my girlfriends trauma?		151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lk9tl5/aita_for_questioning_my_girlfriends_trauma/	2021-02-15 09:04:37	yta. did it ever occur to you that your partner feels less anxious around her mother than she does around the person she's been dating for barely a year? it's possible that she can cook in front of her mother and still truthfully be too anxious to cook in front of you. given the fact that you're questioning her trauma, i imagine you might have given her reason to feel a bit anxious around you	yta. try preparing a dish with her. shower her in compliments along the way and praise the finished product heavily. you just need to get her out of her head enough to know that she can trust you and you won’t hurt her. remember, small steps are still steps. make sure she knows that you are proud of her efforts. don’t allow her to diminish it or speak poorly of herself in regards to it.	yta but i can see where you're coming from. the thing is, the relationship with her mother is waaaaay different than a so relationship. there is, however, more of an emotional connecting between you and her ex. her trauma response in front of you because the emotional connections are similar to the ones that formed the trauma. it's not that she sees you as being him or even anything like him. it's a reaction she can't control, though i'm sure she'd love to. her being mad at herself for something she can't help, is likely just emotional the problem. ask her to ask her therapist for things that can help you understand and maybe things you can do at home to help her.	op, i get that this is frustrating. her trauma is real. her mom is a safe person that she trusts and knows she can be around and do those little things. her ex is somebody who made her feel small and incapable of doing the regular every day tasks you would expect out of an adult. i recently was talking to a friend of mine about an ex that i left last year who did the same thing. i used to love cooking, it was my favorite thing in the world. this guy constantly insulted me, followed me around the kitchen criticizing everything that i did, yelled at me for handling pots on the stove differently than he would, got angry anytime i spilled a crumb or spilled liquid somewhere, and then got angry with me for not washing dishes the way that he thought that i should. i don’t cook anymore at all. i’ve made two or three meals around my roommate and the three months that i’ve lived here. i’ve gone from being a person who cooks every single one of my meals from scratch for my entire adult hood to somebody that basically only eats frozen burritos and waffles because i have such a hard time in the kitchen. i have no idea how long this is going to last for me, and even though i’m working through my trauma and therapy, we’re working on the really big things like the fact that i am terrified of even being around men. the cooking stuff is small potatoes compared to everything else i went through. that’s probably true for your girlfriend as well. in comparison to everything else he put her through, this cooking thing is probably very far down on the list of what she’s currently trying to cope with. it’s going to take time and a lot of patience and love from other people for her to work back up to that place. yta here because you’re assuming that she’s lying to you about some thing that’s incredibly difficult for her to live with and talk about in the first place. if you’ve never been in this kind of situation before, and you’ve never been around somebody who’s gone through it, i can understand you being unsure of why the rules are different around her mom and around you. hopefully the perspective you get from asking this question will help you understand. you’re pretty new in her life, and you’re a guy. her mom has always been there and clearly understands and supports her daughter fully which means her daughters going to feel more comfortable doing those every day things around her mom.	yta, why do you care if she just eats some cereal? it's not worth questioning something she's going to therapy about.	yta. you girlfriend suffers from trauma so you went behind her back and showed her that she can't trust you.	[deleted]	yta the trauma her former sexually partner gave her is of course stronger with you, her current partner, than it is with her mother who loved her since bevor she could do anything.	wow, yes, yta. her trauma is not really about cooking. it is about a pervasive fear that she will be abused for doing it wrong. she grew up with her mother, which means she grew up feeling safe cooking with or in front of her mother. she’s barely known you for a hot second. jesus christ dude, grow some goddamn empathy.	yta an extreme asshole. she has clearly explained that she cant cook infront of others and even her mom explained it. stop invalidating her trauma.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> [/INST] yta. did it ever occur to you that your partner feels less anxious around her mother* than she does around the person she's been dating for barely a year? it's possible that she can cook in front of her mother and still truthfully be too anxious to cook in front of you. given the fact that you're questioning her trauma, i imagine you might have given her reason to feel a bit anxious around you </s>
AITA for getting upset with my mom for going into my room without permission?	so i’m a senior in high school and i’m 17, less than a year away from being 18. i go to a very demanding high school and also work part time. i’m also working on college apps and building my portfolio for them so needless to say i’m very busy all the time. my parents have been suffocating my entire life and like to act like once i leave work and school there’s nothing left to do when i’m reality i have multiple essays and projects going on at any given time. they were getting on my case for not cleaning my room and i explained everything above to my mom and i felt like she understood but saturday after getting home from a particularly long shift i found my room completely rearranged with things missing. i was furious because i knew it was my mom and went to confront her but she was on the phone so she told me to leave her alone. i kind of told her off before leaving but sunday night we got into an actual fight. i told her she invaded my privacy and threw my stuff away and she tried to argue that she told me to clean my room but i didn’t listen so she did it herself. i told her that i already told her i’d do it when i got time and that she had no right to go through my shit. i found out from my dad she also read through some personal letters from my girlfriend and my friend. along with throwing away some of them. i got them back by digging through the trash but i was furious. i’m 17 i’m not a child and they should trust and understand that there’s a reason my room is the way it is and not just that was for no reason. she yelled, i yelled and we haven’t really talked since so it’s been about four days. we didn’t even talk today during thanksgiving dinner. so aita for getting as angry as i did? i dread being home rn and at this point i don’t even know who’s in the right.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e38y0j/aita_for_getting_upset_with_my_mom_for_going_into/	2019-11-29 03:25:29	nta - you're almost an adult and a lot on your plate it was one thing to clean your room for you (something appreciated) it's another to snoop around reading personal things rearrange things and throw things away.	nta - your room is in her house, so she does have a right to expect you to keep it clean. but that doesn't give her the right to go through your things, read your personal letters, or throw away anything of yours. that's just so immature and spiteful, it tilts the scales and makes her the asshole. if she had simply cleaned your room, it'd be different. as far as my mom was concerned, i had no privacy in her home. she had the right to go through anything of mine if she felt like it - read my journal, open my mail, etc. and that fucking sucked.	nta. i feel your anger with coming back to your room rearranged. snooping through your personal stuff is next level though. your anger and reaction is totally justified imo	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’m a senior in high school and i’m 17, less than a year away from being 18. i go to a very demanding high school and also work part time. i’m also working on college apps and building my portfolio for them so needless to say i’m very busy all the time. my parents have been suffocating my entire life and like to act like once i leave work and school there’s nothing left to do when i’m reality i have multiple essays and projects going on at any given time. they were getting on my case for not cleaning my room and i explained everything above to my mom and i felt like she understood but saturday after getting home from a particularly long shift i found my room completely rearranged with things missing. i was furious because i knew it was my mom and went to confront her but she was on the phone so she told me to leave her alone. i kind of told her off before leaving but sunday night we got into an actual fight. i told her she invaded my privacy and threw my stuff away and she tried to argue that she told me to clean my room but i didn’t listen so she did it herself. i told her that i already told her i’d do it when i got time and that she had no right to go through my shit. i found out from my dad she also read through some personal letters from my girlfriend and my friend. along with throwing away some of them. i got them back by digging through the trash but i was furious. i’m 17 i’m not a child and they should trust and understand that there’s a reason my room is the way it is and not just that was for no reason. she yelled, i yelled and we haven’t really talked since so it’s been about four days. we didn’t even talk today during thanksgiving dinner. so aita for getting as angry as i did? i dread being home rn and at this point i don’t even know who’s in the right.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i’m a senior in high school and i’m 17, less than a year away from being 18. i go to a very demanding high school and also work part time. i’m also working on college apps and building my portfolio for them so needless to say i’m very busy all the time. my parents have been suffocating my entire life and like to act like once i leave work and school there’s nothing left to do when i’m reality i have multiple essays and projects going on at any given time. they were getting on my case for not cleaning my room and i explained everything above to my mom and i felt like she understood but saturday after getting home from a particularly long shift i found my room completely rearranged with things missing. i was furious because i knew it was my mom and went to confront her but she was on the phone so she told me to leave her alone. i kind of told her off before leaving but sunday night we got into an actual fight. i told her she invaded my privacy and threw my stuff away and she tried to argue that she told me to clean my room but i didn’t listen so she did it herself. i told her that i already told her i’d do it when i got time and that she had no right to go through my shit. i found out from my dad she also read through some personal letters from my girlfriend and my friend. along with throwing away some of them. i got them back by digging through the trash but i was furious. i’m 17 i’m not a child and they should trust and understand that there’s a reason my room is the way it is and not just that was for no reason. she yelled, i yelled and we haven’t really talked since so it’s been about four days. we didn’t even talk today during thanksgiving dinner. so aita for getting as angry as i did? i dread being home rn and at this point i don’t even know who’s in the right. [/INST] nta - you're almost an adult and a lot on your plate it was one thing to clean your room for you (something appreciated) it's another to snoop around reading personal things rearrange things and throw things away. </s>
WIBTA if i asked my mom to stop calling me?	i graduated high school a year early, which i guess makes me an early admit to college. i just turned 17 last friday, meaning for the first month i was about 2 or more years younger than my classmates. for this reason, my mother was against me going away for college. she didn’t think i was emotionally ready since i’m young and i suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. my teachers at school (and my therapist) disagreed and said that i demonstrated to them that i can handle myself. she finally said i could go, only if i call her every night at the same time, so she “knows i’m alive”. i agreed to the phone call thing because i figured it wouldn’t hurt. however, actually doing it has been extremely fucking painful. she gets mad if i don’t call at exactly 8:45. so i set an alarm to ease her mind. but now she’s been upset because i don’t sound excited to talk to her. which, honestly i’m not. if i’m studying, i’ll still call and tell her i’m studying, and then she’ll want to stay on the phone for another 30 minutes, telling me about the cat and her adventures at work. last week i had the flu, and even with my 103 degree fever she still demanded i call her and talk to her. today when we were talking, i was in the middle of studying for my biology test that i have tomorrow. she asked what i was doing and i told her studying, and she said “oh.” and continued talking for another 30 minutes. after a while of me going “mhm. oh. wow that’s crazy.” and various other dry responses, she yelled and said “you never sound happy to talk to me. do you want me to just stop calling?” i would’ve said yes at that moment, but because she was angry that wouldn’t have went down well. so i said no and tried to sound more interested and lively. i’m thinking that tomorrow i want to ask her to stop the every day phone call and switch to every week. she’s not old or unable to use technology, she knows how to text me or send voice notes over imessage. an acquaintance said i’m being an ungrateful brat because that’s my mom and she loves me, and obviously the phone calls are important to her. she also said my mom pays my phone bill so the least i could do is call her. i really cannot handle the phone calls anymore. they’re starting to give me anxiety as soon as i see the clock says 8:00. the acquaintance said i’m just making excuses. **	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5qjcy/wibta_if_i_asked_my_mom_to_stop_calling_me/	2019-09-18 01:24:59	nta- your acquaintance is being ridiculous. half hour or more a day is way too much. once a week is much more reasonable, and if she can’t deal with that, that’s too bad. you’ve got stuff to do, you’re busy, and if you want to do well you gotta cut out the things that stress you.	nta setting boundaries will help with your anxiety (i say as a fellow anxious person). good luck.	nta. every week is more than sufficient. if you want to strike a compromise, offer to call her every other night, then whittle it down to once a week. tell her, roughly, what you've said here: that your therapist and teachers say that you're doing well, but you've been quite busy and stopping to make a call every single night is starting to have an effect on your studies. tell her you would miss her if you didn't talk at all, though, and offer to call every other night. she's just worried about you. worry can lead to being overprotective and even invasive. just be honest with her, but definitely stop calling every night. it's certainly excessive. also, your acquaintance sounds like an absolute dick.	nta your mom is struggling to let you go, and you need to reset those boundaries. she's not going to like it, but when she isn't worked up, tell her calling everyday at 8:45 is giving you anxiety, and you're having a hard time looking forward to talking to her and being productive. let her know that from now on you'll text her every night by 9pm. that way, it shifts from a specific time, and just a more general idea. and you can also schedule a weekly chat similarly. if i were you, i'd actually do this all via email. she's going to flip, and you won't be able to get it all out if you try and call her. also be aware she won't agree to it even remotely, but you simply need to stand firm and weather the storm. it will take a while, but she'll adapt eventually.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i graduated high school a year early, which i guess makes me an early admit to college. i just turned 17 last friday, meaning for the first month i was about 2 or more years younger than my classmates. for this reason, my mother was against me going away for college. she didn’t think i was emotionally ready since i’m young and i suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. my teachers at school (and my therapist) disagreed and said that i demonstrated to them that i can handle myself. she finally said i could go, only if i call her every night at the same time, so she “knows i’m alive”. i agreed to the phone call thing because i figured it wouldn’t hurt. however, actually doing it has been extremely fucking painful. she gets mad if i don’t call at exactly 8:45. so i set an alarm to ease her mind. but now she’s been upset because i don’t sound excited to talk to her. which, honestly i’m not. if i’m studying, i’ll still call and tell her i’m studying, and then she’ll want to stay on the phone for another 30 minutes, telling me about the cat and her adventures at work. last week i had the flu, and even with my 103 degree fever she still demanded i call her and talk to her. today when we were talking, i was in the middle of studying for my biology test that i have tomorrow. she asked what i was doing and i told her studying, and she said “oh.” and continued talking for another 30 minutes. after a while of me going “mhm. oh. wow that’s crazy.” and various other dry responses, she yelled and said “you never sound happy to talk to me. do you want me to just stop calling?” i would’ve said yes at that moment, but because she was angry that wouldn’t have went down well. so i said no and tried to sound more interested and lively. i’m thinking that tomorrow i want to ask her to stop the every day phone call and switch to every week. she’s not old or unable to use technology, she knows how to text me or send voice notes over imessage. an acquaintance said i’m being an ungrateful brat because that’s my mom and she loves me, and obviously the phone calls are important to her. she also said my mom pays my phone bill so the least i could do is call her. i really cannot handle the phone calls anymore. they’re starting to give me anxiety as soon as i see the clock says 8:00. the acquaintance said i’m just making excuses.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i graduated high school a year early, which i guess makes me an early admit to college. i just turned 17 last friday, meaning for the first month i was about 2 or more years younger than my classmates. for this reason, my mother was against me going away for college. she didn’t think i was emotionally ready since i’m young and i suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. my teachers at school (and my therapist) disagreed and said that i demonstrated to them that i can handle myself. she finally said i could go, only if i call her every night at the same time, so she “knows i’m alive”. i agreed to the phone call thing because i figured it wouldn’t hurt. however, actually doing it has been extremely fucking painful. she gets mad if i don’t call at exactly 8:45. so i set an alarm to ease her mind. but now she’s been upset because i don’t sound excited to talk to her. which, honestly i’m not. if i’m studying, i’ll still call and tell her i’m studying, and then she’ll want to stay on the phone for another 30 minutes, telling me about the cat and her adventures at work. last week i had the flu, and even with my 103 degree fever she still demanded i call her and talk to her. today when we were talking, i was in the middle of studying for my biology test that i have tomorrow. she asked what i was doing and i told her studying, and she said “oh.” and continued talking for another 30 minutes. after a while of me going “mhm. oh. wow that’s crazy.” and various other dry responses, she yelled and said “you never sound happy to talk to me. do you want me to just stop calling?” i would’ve said yes at that moment, but because she was angry that wouldn’t have went down well. so i said no and tried to sound more interested and lively. i’m thinking that tomorrow i want to ask her to stop the every day phone call and switch to every week. she’s not old or unable to use technology, she knows how to text me or send voice notes over imessage. an acquaintance said i’m being an ungrateful brat because that’s my mom and she loves me, and obviously the phone calls are important to her. she also said my mom pays my phone bill so the least i could do is call her. i really cannot handle the phone calls anymore. they’re starting to give me anxiety as soon as i see the clock says 8:00. the acquaintance said i’m just making excuses. [/INST] nta- your acquaintance is being ridiculous. half hour or more a day is way too much. once a week is much more reasonable, and if she can’t deal with that, that’s too bad. you’ve got stuff to do, you’re busy, and if you want to do well you gotta cut out the things that stress you. </s>
WIBTA if we didn't pay the funeral bill?	i'm going to try to make a long story short. my grandmother (dad's mom) died christmas eve 2019. she had alzheimer's and had been deteriorating for a long time so it wasn't completely unexpected but definitely a very sad time as we were very close. she had been very clear about what her final arrangements would be and specified that we use the same funeral home that handled her late husband's arrangements when he died in the late 90s. everything went fine, they were very helpful, actually remembered our family from that experience. my grandmother had paid for most of the services in advance so there wasn't a big out of pocket burden. fast forward to march 2021 and my dad is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. he called the same funeral home and made arrangements with them. he died four weeks ago and my mom went in to meet with the director and settle the bill for his services. while she was there, the woman asked if my grandmother's bank account was still open. my mom told her no, that what little was remaining had been divided between her six children. she said, "oh. well were you aware there was a balance of $1000 on her account?" my mom didn't say anything other than "i didn't know" and the director didn't bring it up again. we thought everything had been paid for ahead of time. my dad even called her a few times in the weeks after her funeral to tie up any loose ends and she never mentioned it. would we be assholes if we didn't pay? my mom just lost her husband and paid several thousand dollars for his service. she had opportunities to talk to my dad about the balance not only in the time immediately after my grandmother died but also when he spoke with her to set up his own service. i feel like this balance is over a year and a half old, why is she just now choosing to deal with it? but they were very helpful when my grandmother died and even though the quality seemed to be on the downswing when it was my dad's turn they were still fine.	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ouqetp/wibta_if_we_didnt_pay_the_funeral_bill/	2021-07-30 18:36:15	nta, they should have brought this up with you ages ago if it was a problem. (whether you legally have to pay or not though is another thing entirely.)	nta. the funeral home was negligent for failing to send a bank statement. they run a funeral home, which means all of their clients have lost a loved one recently, and are emotionally occupied with processing their grief. it's the funeral home's responsibility to keep on top of these specific details, not the clients.	nta. if they never sent a statement, the unpaid balance is on them.	nta ask for an itemized statement and record of dates of sale when your grandmother purchased everything. there's no way it shouldn't have come up in the year and a half since. i'm sure your grandmother got mail after her passing and it was dealt with somehow. unless the funeral home decided to gift your family $1000 in services and never recorded it, they have no leg to stand on.	nta the bill is the responsibility of your grandmother’s estate, not you. i’m wondering if the funeral home was being entirely honest, particularly since your dad was conscientious in following up with the funeral home after his mother’s funeral.	[deleted]	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm going to try to make a long story short. my grandmother (dad's mom) died christmas eve 2019. she had alzheimer's and had been deteriorating for a long time so it wasn't completely unexpected but definitely a very sad time as we were very close. she had been very clear about what her final arrangements would be and specified that we use the same funeral home that handled her late husband's arrangements when he died in the late 90s. everything went fine, they were very helpful, actually remembered our family from that experience. my grandmother had paid for most of the services in advance so there wasn't a big out of pocket burden. fast forward to march 2021 and my dad is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. he called the same funeral home and made arrangements with them. he died four weeks ago and my mom went in to meet with the director and settle the bill for his services. while she was there, the woman asked if my grandmother's bank account was still open. my mom told her no, that what little was remaining had been divided between her six children. she said, "oh. well were you aware there was a balance of $1000 on her account?" my mom didn't say anything other than "i didn't know" and the director didn't bring it up again. we thought everything had been paid for ahead of time. my dad even called her a few times in the weeks after her funeral to tie up any loose ends and she never mentioned it. would we be assholes if we didn't pay? my mom just lost her husband and paid several thousand dollars for his service. she had opportunities to talk to my dad about the balance not only in the time immediately after my grandmother died but also when he spoke with her to set up his own service. i feel like this balance is over a year and a half old, why is she just now choosing to deal with it? but they were very helpful when my grandmother died and even though the quality seemed to be on the downswing when it was my dad's turn they were still fine.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm going to try to make a long story short. my grandmother (dad's mom) died christmas eve 2019. she had alzheimer's and had been deteriorating for a long time so it wasn't completely unexpected but definitely a very sad time as we were very close. she had been very clear about what her final arrangements would be and specified that we use the same funeral home that handled her late husband's arrangements when he died in the late 90s. everything went fine, they were very helpful, actually remembered our family from that experience. my grandmother had paid for most of the services in advance so there wasn't a big out of pocket burden. fast forward to march 2021 and my dad is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. he called the same funeral home and made arrangements with them. he died four weeks ago and my mom went in to meet with the director and settle the bill for his services. while she was there, the woman asked if my grandmother's bank account was still open. my mom told her no, that what little was remaining had been divided between her six children. she said, "oh. well were you aware there was a balance of $1000 on her account?" my mom didn't say anything other than "i didn't know" and the director didn't bring it up again. we thought everything had been paid for ahead of time. my dad even called her a few times in the weeks after her funeral to tie up any loose ends and she never mentioned it. would we be assholes if we didn't pay? my mom just lost her husband and paid several thousand dollars for his service. she had opportunities to talk to my dad about the balance not only in the time immediately after my grandmother died but also when he spoke with her to set up his own service. i feel like this balance is over a year and a half old, why is she just now choosing to deal with it? but they were very helpful when my grandmother died and even though the quality seemed to be on the downswing when it was my dad's turn they were still fine. [/INST] nta, they should have brought this up with you ages ago if it was a problem. (whether you legally have to pay or not though is another thing entirely.) </s>
AITA for refusing to call my in-laws by my MIL’s chosen nicknames?	my wife and i have a 9 month old daughter, our first child. my in-laws are awesome people. of course they have their flaws, as do all people, but i honestly feel more parental love from them than i tend to feel from my own parents. we’ve had zero drama at all in the 7 years i’ve been married to their daughter… until now. my mil insists that they will be known to my daughter as “baba” and “gigi” rather than grandpa and grandma or some recognizable variation thereof. they are known collectively not as “grandparents,” but rather as “bagi.” mil’s reasoning is that the traditional grandpa/ma make her feel old. i outright refuse to refer to them as her chosen titles. first, i particularly despise “gigi,” as this sounds more like the name you’d give a yappy toy poodle or a stripper. there are several other alternatives to grandma that are totally fine, so long as they somewhat recognizable as denoting the actual relationship she has to my daughter. second, the “it makes me feel old” excuse is pure vanity, and i find vanity to be a singularly detestable quality in any person. my mil is old, especially to my daughter. third and most important - and more difficult to convey - is that my mom and my mil tend to share one thing in common: they aren’t very motherly. there’s no doubt each woman loves her children, but they have some severe deficiencies in the “nurturing” department. both my wife and i want to provide our daughter an environment where she feels safe to experience all her little emotions - especially the ugly ones. neither my wife nor i received that from our mothers, and “gigi” represents to me the same unwillingness to engage and support the more unpleasant aspects of a child’s life. my wife generally agrees that baba and gigi are terrible names and we refer to her parents as grandma and grandpa when they aren’t around. my wife does respect their preferred names when they’re present, but i simply don’t refer to them by any name to my daughter when they’re around. it’s been 9 months and i was hoping i would warm up to baba and gigi, but i’m only growing more resistant. it’s causing some uncomfortable tension. aita?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/udy7dd/aita_for_refusing_to_call_my_inlaws_by_my_mils/	2022-04-28 15:54:07	yta. these are far from the worst grandparent names i have heard, and anyway it sounds like this is really about you not liking them. that isn't a good enough reason. grandparents and grandchildren decide; this is one of the rare instances where parents don't get a say. that goes double since they are only your in-laws.	yta - this is a weird and unnecessary hill to die on. the names are not that ridiculous. it's what she wants to be called. she's allowed to have a preference, many grandparents do. i feel like you may want some therapy, because you seem to have some unprocessed trauma that is causing you to unnecessarily driving a wedge into your family over something relatively silly.	are you....are you like. seriously for real? your attitude is so goddamn holier than thou i thought you'd drop the bomb that you're the pope near the end. i get that you have trauma with parents, and hey, good on you for going to therapy, but what the fuck do you even mean by your 'most important' third reason? how does a nickname-that is extremely common as a nickname for grandmas-represent 'the same unwillingness to engage and support the more unpleasant aspects of a child’s life'? like i genuinely need to know what that means because it doesn't make any sense. calling your grandma 'gigi' doesn't automatically mean she won't be there for you when you need her. but yeah, overall, you have an awful attitude towards your mil's personality, which tells me you're projecting resentment towards your own mom on her, which is weird and not a her problem, and i'm still stuck on the fact that both terms are so common that 'baba' is literally one of the most common first words for babies. yta.	yta it just a nickname, get over yourself.	yta. this is a shit covered hill to die on. my mother had basically the same reasons, and we researched some things. what we settled on didn’t even stick, and 15 years later she has 3 grand babies calling her monei. my dad was edudu, and it was hilarious and he embraced it. he died 6 years ago, and edudu is greatly missed.	yta -- baba/gigi are the anglicizations for granny/gramps in many slavic languages. don't be so provincial.	yta. literally none of the reasons that you provided make any sense or are a good enough reason to cause drama for drama's sake. stop trying to create trouble where there is none. it's just a name.	yta. when my son and dil had their first child, i was asked to pick my nickname. that’s a reasonable reaction.	yta. this is their choice on what they want to be called. as long as it’s not offensive, it’s not really up to you. the fact you can’t just suck this up is immature.	yta. this is a petty hill to die on and you need to care about more important things.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have a 9 month old daughter, our first child. my in-laws are awesome people. of course they have their flaws, as do all people, but i honestly feel more parental love from them than i tend to feel from my own parents. we’ve had zero drama at all in the 7 years i’ve been married to their daughter… until now. my mil insists that they will be known to my daughter as “baba” and “gigi” rather than grandpa and grandma or some recognizable variation thereof. they are known collectively not as “grandparents,” but rather as “bagi.” mil’s reasoning is that the traditional grandpa/ma make her feel old. i outright refuse to refer to them as her chosen titles. first, i particularly despise “gigi,” as this sounds more like the name you’d give a yappy toy poodle or a stripper. there are several other alternatives to grandma that are totally fine, so long as they somewhat recognizable as denoting the actual relationship she has to my daughter. second, the “it makes me feel old” excuse is pure vanity, and i find vanity to be a singularly detestable quality in any person. my mil is old, especially to my daughter. third and most important - and more difficult to convey - is that my mom and my mil tend to share one thing in common: they aren’t very motherly. there’s no doubt each woman loves her children, but they have some severe deficiencies in the “nurturing” department. both my wife and i want to provide our daughter an environment where she feels safe to experience all her little emotions - especially the ugly ones. neither my wife nor i received that from our mothers, and “gigi” represents to me the same unwillingness to engage and support the more unpleasant aspects of a child’s life. my wife generally agrees that baba and gigi are terrible names and we refer to her parents as grandma and grandpa when they aren’t around. my wife does respect their preferred names when they’re present, but i simply don’t refer to them by any name to my daughter when they’re around. it’s been 9 months and i was hoping i would warm up to baba and gigi, but i’m only growing more resistant. it’s causing some uncomfortable tension. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my wife and i have a 9 month old daughter, our first child. my in-laws are awesome people. of course they have their flaws, as do all people, but i honestly feel more parental love from them than i tend to feel from my own parents. we’ve had zero drama at all in the 7 years i’ve been married to their daughter… until now. my mil insists that they will be known to my daughter as “baba” and “gigi” rather than grandpa and grandma or some recognizable variation thereof. they are known collectively not as “grandparents,” but rather as “bagi.” mil’s reasoning is that the traditional grandpa/ma make her feel old. i outright refuse to refer to them as her chosen titles. first, i particularly despise “gigi,” as this sounds more like the name you’d give a yappy toy poodle or a stripper. there are several other alternatives to grandma that are totally fine, so long as they somewhat recognizable as denoting the actual relationship she has to my daughter. second, the “it makes me feel old” excuse is pure vanity, and i find vanity to be a singularly detestable quality in any person. my mil is old, especially to my daughter. third and most important - and more difficult to convey - is that my mom and my mil tend to share one thing in common: they aren’t very motherly. there’s no doubt each woman loves her children, but they have some severe deficiencies in the “nurturing” department. both my wife and i want to provide our daughter an environment where she feels safe to experience all her little emotions - especially the ugly ones. neither my wife nor i received that from our mothers, and “gigi” represents to me the same unwillingness to engage and support the more unpleasant aspects of a child’s life. my wife generally agrees that baba and gigi are terrible names and we refer to her parents as grandma and grandpa when they aren’t around. my wife does respect their preferred names when they’re present, but i simply don’t refer to them by any name to my daughter when they’re around. it’s been 9 months and i was hoping i would warm up to baba and gigi, but i’m only growing more resistant. it’s causing some uncomfortable tension. aita? [/INST] yta. these are far from the worst grandparent names i have heard, and anyway it sounds like this is really about you not liking them. that isn't a good enough reason. grandparents and grandchildren decide; this is one of the rare instances where parents don't get a say. that goes double since they are only your in-laws. </s>
AITA for speaking in Korean to a Korean woman during a craft fair?	i am not korean. a few years back when i was taking korean class in college, i went to a local community craft fair. there were areas where you could do arts and crafts or buying local art. there was a korean church that was creating some form of traditional korean art (idk it was years ago) and i was curious and came over and joined. everyone was speaking korean and i thought it would be a good idea to practice my korean. i decided to ask the lady (who was speaking korean the entire time), heading the table in korean "am i doing this right?" and i held up whatever i was working on. she gave me a weird look and said, "i can speak english just fine." i ended up excusing myself and leaving the table because i felt uncomfortable. i didn't see anything wrong with what i did but i guess she did. was i the asshole/am i the asshole?	151	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dwkbhm/aita_for_speaking_in_korean_to_a_korean_woman/	2019-11-15 02:43:39	nah, but you were kind of presumptuous. lots of people don't like being used as "practice material." she might have also thought you were assuming she can't speak english, and at least in america we have a very "go back to your own country" culture atm, so maybe she was worried about that.	nah she was speaking korean and there's nothing wrong with trying to speak to her in korean. in her defense, i imagine she deals with a lot of people who assume she doesn't speak english. so she may be sensitive to that, although i'm obviously speculating. and even if that's the case, she could have been nicer to you.	nta - you could have said "i was hoping i might have a chance to practice the language i am learning. i meant no harm and assumed you can speak english better than i speak korean."	nah. the setting is a craft fair, at a korean church, where they were working on korean traditional art, speaking in a language that you know enough about to recognise when hearing it, and attempted to join in with something immediately relevant to the event, your own art contributions. i think it's fair to feel a little bit hard done by there, it's not like you were imposing yourself upon randoms in the street. but from her point of view i can imagine that noticing your korean wasn't native level and not wanting to become a language partner. so i'll give her a pass too.	nta. you wanted to practice your korean, but perhaps you should have explained that too her when she looked at you strangely. still, you're not an a-hole for wanting to get better at any second language.	you didn't assume she spoke korean because of her race, you straight up heard her speaking korean. there's nothing wrong with talking to her in a language she clearly knows. nah	i don’t see how you would be the asshole! so nta.	nah - she probably thought you thought she couldn't speak english. as someone who's lived in many countries i've often experienced that people are happy speaking in their own language to others of the same nationality or native born speakers but they want to speak in your language to you, so they can show how well they speak it and they don't want you butchering their language.	nah - if you had asked to practice it may have gone smoother but nobody's at fault here and hindsight's 20/20. you couldn't have known how she'd have reacted. i'm a spanish major and have spoken to native speakers in spanish. i think there's kind of a subtlety of knowing when it could be appropriate and when it might not be, and you kind of just have to figure that out. if you do it right, you can make them feel special, but if you do it wrong, you can make them feel insulted.	null	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	NAH	null	0.169744	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am not korean. a few years back when i was taking korean class in college, i went to a local community craft fair. there were areas where you could do arts and crafts or buying local art. there was a korean church that was creating some form of traditional korean art (idk it was years ago) and i was curious and came over and joined. everyone was speaking korean and i thought it would be a good idea to practice my korean. i decided to ask the lady (who was speaking korean the entire time), heading the table in korean "am i doing this right?" and i held up whatever i was working on. she gave me a weird look and said, "i can speak english just fine." i ended up excusing myself and leaving the table because i felt uncomfortable. i didn't see anything wrong with what i did but i guess she did. was i the asshole/am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am not korean. a few years back when i was taking korean class in college, i went to a local community craft fair. there were areas where you could do arts and crafts or buying local art. there was a korean church that was creating some form of traditional korean art (idk it was years ago) and i was curious and came over and joined. everyone was speaking korean and i thought it would be a good idea to practice my korean. i decided to ask the lady (who was speaking korean the entire time), heading the table in korean "am i doing this right?" and i held up whatever i was working on. she gave me a weird look and said, "i can speak english just fine." i ended up excusing myself and leaving the table because i felt uncomfortable. i didn't see anything wrong with what i did but i guess she did. was i the asshole/am i the asshole? [/INST] nah, but you were kind of presumptuous. lots of people don't like being used as "practice material." she might have also thought you were assuming she can't speak english, and at least in america we have a very "go back to your own country" culture atm, so maybe she was worried about that. </s>

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